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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 2 years

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Deadmen Don't Decide

(Deadmen Got No Luck, part III)

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Female!Reader

SYNOPSIS (I ADVISE YOU DO NOT READ IT IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE 1ST PART YET): this is a Steve Harrington AU, in which after a mission gone wrong, you are thrust into a world where you’re a rising actress playing yourself in a series called Stranger Things... which retraces the past year of your life almost down to a T. Now you have to figure out what happened, but most importantly - what’s real and what isn’t.

New to the series? Try fighting Vecna here - Then wake up in 2021 here.

A/N: I don’t know where all this angst is coming from, but it’s just hitting me like a tsunami every time I sit down to write. It’s also a bit slow moving, but I promise things are going to pick up in the next few chapters! Thank you for bearing with me!

Shower has always been a kind of your thinking temple. Granted, the topics have usually evolved around “what to wear to your shift at Hideaway to avoid giving ideas to handsy assholes” or “are demodogs’ blood and saliva toxic to the skin”, and not, you know “what a girl to do stuck in some parallel universe after dying in her own world”.

At least there was some consistency in the way common sense gradually seeped out of your thoughts as time progressed; much like water swirling down the drain at your feet.

Hot streams hitting your head and shoulders like needles, you spent at least twenty whole minutes studying your body - or rather, what it could have been if Upside Down has never existed. Your skin was soft and lovely to the touch, no scar tissue in sight. If it weren’t for the bluish bruise on your right knee, you would probably feel overwhelmed by the unnaturalness of it all. Marks on your body were what you were used to; never in your wildest dreams you would have thought that this ugly blue patch of skin would help you to hold on to some kind of sanity; confirming that amidst of it all, you were still you.

The wound on your forehead also stung a little when the water first washed over it; and you actually felt thankful for the pain, the sharpness of it grounding you - making you feel alive.

Last time you were in your world, you were dying of a blood loss. As far as you’re aware, you died of blood loss, in Steve’s arms.

So now, you’re what, undead? Reincarnated? Worst case scenario, you would expect yourself to come back to life as a cockroach or - if karma was really out to get you - Tommy H. But now that you’re here, surrounded by the faces you love with minds you know nothing of - you decide, that maybe, there is a fate worse than waking up as a raging asshole one day. Maybe, the scariest of all is to wake up as yourself - with the people you cherish most in the world not knowing who you really are.

You refuse to dwell on it too much - on how your entire world turned upside down in a matter of hours. Now is not the time to grieve, because you haven’t given up yet. Once again, you find yourself being a woman on a mission.

If there is a way out, you’ll find it. Whatever it effing takes. You need to understand exactly what happened - and that without raising any more suspicions. You need to blend in - the last thing you want is to end up in a white room with cushioned walls. So no chance of “I’m from some kind of a parallel universe in which Vecna is real and out for blood” being a conversation starter.

The thought that you might still be stuck in the Upside Down, with this entire world being a figment of your imagination and one of Vecna’s ways to torture you did cross your mind. But then, if you were, in fact, unconscious, would you be feeling any physical pain?

And, come on, replacing Steve Levi’s Straight Leg Harrington by Joe Hug Your Ass Fit Keery is very much outside of your realm of imagination.

When you return back to your room, the Steve / Joe is still nowhere in sight. Turning on the lights and trading a skimpy silk pyjamas you found under your pillow for an oversized gray t-shirt, dug up from the dirty laundry, you collect every single piece of information you can find in the room; some of it useless; some of it not - and dump it on your bed for further investigation.

What looks like the most important finding of all is a bounded stack of papers with August 8, 2021 etched upon it, the one your eyes found at the foot of the bed earlier. Marked, dog-eared, with coffee stains here and there, it’s a story filled with dialogs. It’s the Stranger Things script.

Just as you’re about to turn over the first page, the soft knock on the door calls for your attention.

“Come in”, you beckon Joe in, without taking your eyes off the starring actor’s list of names.

(Keery’s sound of steps is exactly the same as Steve’s, down to the last tap.)

Finn Wolfhard. Millie Bobby Brown. Sadie Sink. Maya Hawke - your eyes devour words off paper.

All of these names mean shit to you. But the names right next to them: Mike Wheeler, Eleven / Jane Hopper, Robin Buckley… These are the names of the people you would kill to see again. Steve Harrington - Joe Keery.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” the man of the hour breaks you out of your thoughts, before they can send you spiralling downward towards all of the things - people - that you’ve lost.

Biting the inside of your cheeks, you tear your gaze away from the printed words, and venture a look at him.

Joe has changed clothes and taken a shower. His hair is still a little wet, and he’s wearing a simple molten brown cotton shirt this time with a pair of light grey joggers, the elastic of his underwear showing.

And you are definitely not staring.

“Like I’m still here,” you lay the sarcasm on real thick, hoping it takes the attention off the way you just gawked at him. “All tucked in, like a big girl, see?” You gesture towards your blanket-covered legs with a snicker.

A mischievous smile flickers across his face, and it has you stalling again, reminding yourself that he is not Steve.

“Well, don’t expect me to be impressed. Now, once I see you eat with a spoon and all…”

His words startle a chortle out of you.

“Oh, I’m a menace with a spoon”, you inform him zealously, raising your chin to look at him, only to find him already staring back, sparkles from the fairy lights above your bed dancing in his eyes.

“Oh really?” he folds his hands over his chest, as if deciding to indulge you for a minute. Bastard, you think, you’re enjoying this as much as I do. “I couldn’t tell. Not with all the ice cream you demolished on the set of Scoops Ahoy”.

Before his mentioning of the Starcourt can weigh on your chest and spin your mind down the memory lane and a never-ending sequence of million questions (how does he know about Starcourt?!), he drops the backpack you didn’t realise he was carrying on the floor and fishes something out of it.

“Prove it”.

Your eyes grow wide as you read the words on the pot of ice-cream he’s holding.

“Is that- Is that Cherry Garcia?!” you just blink at him in shock, momentarily forgetting where you are and who you’re with, “No way”.

All you see is Steve shrugging as he squats in front of you, so that your eyes can meet on the same level.

You feel a shooting pain rip through your chest, something awful; but it isn’t the reason you feel pressure grow behind your eyes.

“If you don’t want it, then…” he pretends to want to take the pot away from you, drawing his hand back; and before you know it, your fingers wrap around his wrist, and you are snatching the ice-cream out of his relaxed hand, his smiling eyes watching you closely.

You press the icy thing to your chest; it frostbites your skin through the t-shirt, but you barely take notice. All you can do is stare at this man before you - close enough to touch and yet so far to do it - because you know he is not Steve; but for a briefest of instants, it almost feels like it’s just you and him, on your regular Movie Night Thursday, with his shitty parents inexistent, as always. Almost like you’re together again.

This Joe person is going to be the death of you - provided that you aren’t dead already.

“What?” he asks as he stands up, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, unblinking eyes fixed on you.

“Nothing,” you quickly retort, dropping your gaze to the script, still laying next to your thigh. You clear your throat, tears pulsing in the back of it, just to fill the silence.

Joe slides a spoon into your lap without a word, and you bite down on your bottom lip with all your might.

He’s not Steve. He’s not Steve. He’s not…

“So here’s the plan,” he derails your train of repetitive self-conviction, making an effort to sound nonchalant. “I’ll sleep on the floor - kind of like a guard dog. If there’s anything you need, just, I don’t know, kick me?”

A watery laugh escapes you as you look up a him, and you pray he doesn’t notice how painful it sounds.

“I’ll try to remember not to step on you tomorrow morning”, you promise him, your gazes lingering on each other again.

Joe rubs his bottom lip with the very tip of his thumb; there’s certain softness to the air around the two of you - thick and zephyr-like, all sweetness and gelatin. The two of you are paralyzed, and you’re not sure if it’s the intimacy, in which you’ve slipped so briskly; or the terror of losing control over the rapid thumping of pulse at the base of your necks.

“So uh- What are you reading there?” Joe asks shortly, and then thinking it a bit abrupt, adds: “Anything interesting?” You watch him kick his ass into gear and start unfolding some kind of a thin foam mattress he produced from his backpack. He lays it parallel to your bed, and you get the feeling that he is desperate to keep himself busy right now. He doesn’t look at you.

You almost tell him that he doesn’t need to do this; that there is enough room for both of you in your bed; but you bite your tongue. Steve is a friend - Joe is a stranger, you have to remind yourself again. Harmless, maybe - but still a stranger.

“I was just-”, you flip through the pages in your lap, rubbing the tip of you nose. “Refreshing the memories, I guess”.

You feel Joe approach to take a better look at the papers - and then you’re hit with the smell of him, musc, something spicy, and velvety. It goes to your head.

He grunts.

“Cool. Although I don’t think the Duffers are going to let you in on Stage 3 just yet. Don’t get me wrong, Lovebug, but with your stitches,” he motions around his own forehead with his pointer finger - “you look like you went against Vecna - and lost”.

You would have laughed at how close to the truth he actually came if you paid attention. But everything that comes after Lovebug gets lost in the roar of blood in your ears.

The pet name rips an almost visceral reaction out of you. Maybe it’s because it sounds so well-used, like his lips have been saying it for ages. Maybe, it’s because he looks exactly like Steve, your Steve. Or maybe, it’s because you know that he’s all you have now, and that you may never see, touch or talk to your Steve again.

“How long-“, you suddenly feel like you need to learn how to speak again, letter by letter. “How long have I been unconscious, exactly?”

Joe studies you carefully. He’s weighting his words. “Long enough to give us all a scare of our lifetime, for sure”, he finally ends up saying, and you know he means it by the way the electric lights reflect in his dark eyes, stark white on spotless black. “A couple of hours, give or take”, he nods his head, pressing his lips together in a thin line.

“The longest couple of hours of my life”, he adds in a murmur after a pause, looking away.

Before you can even begin to unpack the meaning of it, he scratches the back of his head, his cheeks turning peony pink.

“I, uh- “, he swallows. “I brought some groceries for you,” he gestures behind his back towards the kitchen. “I’m going to go and put them away in the fridge. Call me if you need me?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out, and drop your gaze back to the script, refusing to watch him linger for a second at the foot of your bed. When he leaves, you drop your head down, taking a deep breath.

You close your eyes for a moment, and give yourself a pep-talk. One, he’s not Steve. Two, you’re a woman on a mission. Three - you need to find a way out.

And so, with a renewed sense of determination and a spoonful of ice-cream, you begin to read.

Your skin is glistening in the warm afternoon sun. The car window is rolled open; gentle breeze caressing your cheeks and twirling the ends of your still-wet hair around your head in cheery pirouettes. You look up, watching the wide blue expanse of the cloudless sky; your brother’s light snoring from the back seat mixing eerily well with the soft music flowing out the car speakers.

“I can’t believe they’re finally asleep,” you hear Steve whisper as he makes a right turn into your street. His eyes are fixed on the road, the corners of his lips turned up in amusement. “Do you think it was the canoe that knocked them out or-“

“Oh, it was definitely the burrito”, you don’t let him finish, grinning at him. “I’m pretty sure Dustin still has avocado on his cheek”.

Steve whips his head back at your words, and his eyes spot Dustin tucked in between Mike and Lucas; surely enough, there is a smudge of squashed avocado just above the right corner of his lips.

Steve turns back to face you with those big chocolate eyes, and you exchange glances that test your self-control. Before either one of you can burst out in gloriously loud laughter, you look away from each other; you’re going as far as pressing the back of your hand to your lips. When Steve’s BMW finally comes to a halt in your driveway, your house looks boring and stale; nothing like the fun day you just spent with Lucas, Mike, Dustin Will and Steve at the Lover’s lake.

You never want this to end.

As you un-click your seatbelt, you turn to face Steve; he’s already looking at you with a nostalgic air - like he’s already missing you. “So uh- how did the whole re-looking of the attic go?” He is a man catching at straws, and you are more than happy to lend him a hand. Neither of you wants to leave the peacefulness of the car with the kids sleeping in the backseat just yet. That’s what you’re telling yourselves, at least - when in reality - neither of you wants to say goodbye. “The colors turned out okay?”

A smile slowly grows on your lips, a ring of an idea going off in your head.

“Do you want to check it out?” you whisper back, feeling a bit giddy. “Give Dusty 5 more minutes to sleep?”

Steve’s eyebrows pop up, almost reaching his hairline. His mouth falls slightly open, and he’s nodding a bit frantically.

“Um- Yeah, sure. Let’s check it out”.

The two of you get out of the car, trying not to make too much noise. You feel the squishy grass mattress underneath your sandals; when you reach the porch, Steve is hot in your tracks. Your Mom isn’t home yet, so you open up the door with a soft click and silently beckon Steve to follow you to the stairs. The steps on the way to the attic grow narrower. Your foot almost slips once, so you grab the railing, your palm landing squarely on Steve’s fingers. Your back touches his shoulder, and he’s quick to stabilise you with his hand on your hips.

“Easy now”, he whispers in your ear and something goes off in your chest, like a firework.

In five more steps, you make it to the attic. You swing open the door and the sight is beautiful, the room bathing in the sunlight coming through the open window.

“Huh”, Steve lets out in surprise. “I wasn’t sure about this sunflower explosion color, but I guess it works”.

That’s right. You and Dustin have painted the floors of the attic in rich, almost golden yellow.

“Thanks to your advice to use a primer, I think it actually looks even better than in a can”, you share in delight, looking around, your hands on your hips.

Steve nods, making his way further into the attic to look at the walls of the room.

“And what color are you going to paint the w-“

A breaking sound echos in the mostly empty space. A woof escapes Steve’s chest as he crumbles on the ground, you rushing to help him stay up, but falling on your ass right behind him instead.

You can’t explain why, but a contagious laugh falls off your lips as you spot Steve’s foot, buried in a hole in wooden floor. He seems to notice his predicament at the same moment - rolling back, leaning into you, with his other foot in the air, he laughs, and laughs, and laughs: until your voices are uproarious sounds of joy, your bodies touching. You look at him from above as his head presses against your chest - and you can’t help but giggle as soon as your eyes meet.

“Are you-“ you are fighting for breath trying to grip Steve’s shoulders to bring him into somewhat sitting position. “Are you okay?” You can’t help another melodious giggle that squeezes it’s way through your lips, and you slap a palm of your hand over your mouth.

“I’m sorry I’m laughing”, you manage through laughter wrecking your body. “This isn’t even remotely funny. Are you okay?” As he sits down, his upper body facing you, you reach out to him again, your palm lying flat on his chest.

He is still a chuckling mess as he looks back at you; his hand covers yours as he bends forward, unable to resist another urge to laugh out loud.

“I just made a giant hole in your floor!” he exclaims, wiping the tears under his eyes as you let go of him, the absence of his warmth feeling foreign. He gestures to his foot. “I- I swear I can fix it. I can maybe stop by tomorrow-“

“Steve,” you try to interrupt him, your hand landing on his shoulder in what’s meant to be a reassuring gesture.”You’re fine, you don’t have to-“

“-I have to fix this, I have to-“

“Steve!” You raise your voice a little bit and make a “stop it” face at him, which shuts him up almost immediately.

“Okay”, he says, his face still lit up. “But you gotta tell me how much I owe you for this shit”, he picks up a piece of wood from the floor and waves it around, making your guffaw.

When he stretches out a hand to you, you take it. His skin is a little dry and calloused, as his thumb draws a circle at the base of your forefinger. The two of you stand up, your gazes locked, your digits intertwined.

“I uh- I better go,” Steve says, not making the slightest effort to step away.

“Stay for early dinner”, you blurt out, not letting go of his hand either. “I can whip up a mean frozen pizza.” Steve’s gaze softens, another sweep of his thumb on your hand setting your skin on fire.

“Alright, yeah, frozen pizza sounds good. I’m gonna go wake the dipshits, because they certainly wouldn’t want to miss it”, he drops his gaze and lets go of you to scratch the back of his neck. “You’ll be alright, manning the stove?”

You roll your eyes at him playfully.

“I’m a big girl, Steve. I tie my own shoelaces and everything”, you tell him enthusiastically.

He responds with a huff.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” he parries, winking at you. He backs out of the room, his body still facing yours. “Call me if you need me?”

You wake up fighting for breath.

You chest feels too small, too fragile and too hot, as your hand slaps against the papers by your pillow with a flop; you’re trying to stay upright, but your shoulders shudder at every intake of air.

“Hey,” you hear a familiar voice, as you see someone’s silhouette emerge from the floor in the dark. “Hey, hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re okay, I’m here“.

Just for a fleeting moment - you believe it’s Steve.

But then you can feel Joe’s hand squeeze your shoulder as he sits on the edge of the bed by your side, his dark worried eyes shimmering in the moonlight - the two of them look so much alike, but the illusion is gone as your brain sobers up.

You make out his furrowed eyebrows, the outline of his nose with a slight bump and the curve of his neck - and you know he’s not Steve, but you can’t help but slowly move closer to him anyway. Joe doesn’t ask any questions, just wraps his hands around you, as you press your forehead against his firm chest.

“You’re okay, Love”, he whispers again and again, and you let his voice drown the dream out; it wipes out the vision of Steve’s smile, and his ridiculous need to always fix everything. “Whatever it was, it was just a dream”.

You don’t know for how long you stay in this position; Joe doesn’t complain, just holds you in the silent and dark room.

At some point, you’re slipping down on your bed again, your back turned to Joe, facing the wall. You squeeze your eyes shut as you’re trying to keep your breathing in check. It’s when you feel him gently pull the blanket higher up your shoulders, and hear him lie back down on his makeshift bed - that you let the silent tears roll.

When you open your eyes again, you are momentarily lost. Nothing in the room speaks to you; until you push off the bed to look around, and your palm comes in contact with the paper of the Stranger Things script.

Memories click quickly into place, conjured by your sleep-deprived mind and you groan, falling back onto your pillow, face first.

You have no notion of time anymore. After having dreamt of better days - having dreamt of Steve - sleep was out of the question, so you spent the rest of the night finishing reading the script. You could swear the sun was rising, its early morning rays bleeding through the curtains, when you finally reached the end.

Sitting down and drawing your knees to your chest, you swallow hard as Steve’s laughter from your dream rings in your ears; you squeeze your eyes shut and drop your head, trying to make the sound go away. It’s too much for you right now, and you can’t let it take over your mind. If you do, you’ll fall into pieces, and you do not have the luxury to do so right now. You need to be laser-focused on the mission - as in understanding what exactly happened and finding your way back.

If you were hoping that the script would help you figure this all out - man, you were in for a surprise. Just when you thought that there was nothing that could rock your boat at this point - you literally got transported into some kind of a parallel universe? future? where your friends and family’s doppelgängers shoot a show about your life - it freaking got overturned, and now you’re feeling like you’re drowning, not having a clue what you’re even supposed to feel anymore.

The Stranger Things script turned out to be an almost perfect recollection of what happened to you during the past week. The feeling is unsettling, as you got insights into conversations you weren’t even a part of, but you are pretty sure the way they’re described in the script is exactly how they went.

It’s like being a spectator, a powerless observer - of your own goddamn life.

There were a lot of things that left you in different degrees of stupefied as you progressed with your reading - the biggest of them being, Vecna did not die at the end. But then again, neither did you.

This is where the two stories differ - in the show, you don’t get a chance to pierce Vecna’s heart with a blade because Steve Harrington holds you back. Robin tries to stall Henry Slash Vecna Slash One by throwing another Molotov cocktail at him; just the time Nancy needs to recharge her makeshift gun and fire, sending Vecna falling through the wall and onto the ground outside.

And the fucker somehow survives.

So, in the show, you make it. But Max doesn’t. All that’s left of her is her body, a shell, and her mind is either dead or gets swallowed by a place even Eleven can’t reach.

What if, you think, too dazed to even begin to understand what this would mean, what if that’s what happened to you? What if you’re in a sort of a suspended situation - half dead, half alive - and none of this is real?

And most importantly - how the hell do you figure this out for sure?

You’re not yet ready to admit defeat and succumb to the terrifying thought that maybe, Y/N Henderson has never really existed; maybe, you are what everybody here believes you to be - a girl with a weird-ass name and ambitious acting career aspirations who took the “acting” part too far and fell one sandwich short of a picnic. Maybe, your name is really Love and you have achieved a truly fucking monumental level of unstable in life after that unfortunate fall.

The idea should be freaking you the hell out - you know that. All it does is drive you up the wall instead. This has got to be the biggest “fuck you” Vecna has managed to pull off so far. A parting gift that keeps on giving. After attempting to kill you, he has done everything he could to put you in a place where you would doubt your own fucking existence - let alone the existence of the people you love. All of those memories, feelings - are what? A product of Love’s insanity? Crazed visions of demented imagination?

Fuck you, Vecna. Fuck you, buddy.

This is the fight you are not going to win.

Huffing in frustration, you throw your legs over the edge of the bed, full of restless energy. As you let your gaze dart around, you notice that Joe is gone. The room is empty, no sign of him ever having been there in sight.

It’s better off this way, you decide as you get on your feet and head for the kitchen. No time for distractions. You need a plan, fast. God knows for how long your brain is going to be able to take this, before it finally gives up and prays for a solitary. Stage one - coffee. There’s gotta be coffee in this place / universe / world, right? You’d need at least that to brave whatever’s going on outside of the confines of the trailer.

Stage two - recon, or information gathering. You are now pretty comfortable with all the strangers’ names; here’s to hoping that all of them look like their real counterparts. Whether you want it or not, you have to face them, if only to learn exactly what happened yesterday.

And, finally, stage three - concocting an exit strategy. If there is a way out, you’ll find it. If not, you’ll die trying (yay, you think, something new and different for you).

When you reach the kitchen, you freeze by the table, your eyes fixed on a coffee machine that looks a bit more modern than the one in your home.

Okay, maybe a lot more modern, like a goddamn robotic experiment - but that’s not what staggers you. There’s hot coffee in the glass recipient, and a bright red sticker is glued to its surface.

Thought you could use some after staying late last night. Your phone is charging in the bathroom in case you’re looking for it. - Joe.

And here you thought he has fallen asleep by the time you turned the night light on to continue to "read” (as in spy on your own fucking life, broken into dialogue sequences and words like “menacing industrial synth music playing” thrown in here and there).

You try not to think too much about it - and by it you mean Joe’s subtle way of taking care of you - like it’s a reflex, a given - as you move closer to pour yourself a cup of burning liquid.

A soul-shaking BANG! of the entrance door in front of you comes as an excellent exclamation point to end your mind’s misplaced wandering before it could even begin. The door hits the wall with such force, you jump out of your skin and all the way to the ceiling, screaming and grabbing a remote control from the kitchen isle, holding it in front of you like a knife.

There’s a tall girl with sandy hair and a fringe standing in the entrance, grimacing at the sound of your shriek, squeezing her eyes shut. You heart thumps painfully in your chest, and you cry out before you can think twice about it:

“Robin, what the hell?! You scared the shit out of me!” You throw the remote back where you found it, burying your face in your hands, trying to level out your breathing.

A giggle escapes girl’s rosy lips as she scrunches her nose apologetically, stepping all the way into your kitchen. Making herself at home, she slides a sugary-smelling cardboard box on the table and jumps in for a hug without a second thought.

The second her arms wrap around you, the anger escapes you. You’re completely silenced as shock takes over; this isn’t Robin - but the girl looks exactly like her.

You probably should have gotten used to it by now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”, she mumbles in your ear as she squeezes you harder. “It’s just- My hands were occupied so I kicked the door in”.

Softly pushing you at an arms length, Maya (you recall) searches your face for a moment.

“Still doing that method acting thing, I see?” she smiles at you, and the room suddenly seems bigger. “It’s you who scared the shit out of me, Lovebug. Don’t you dare- Don’t you do this ever again!” With these worlds, she pulls you into another hug, and you let her, despite your inner woman on a mission screaming in protest.

Just as Robin, Maya hugs with her entire body. There’s a comforting presence about her that puts you at ease, the kind you only feel around people you have known for your entire life - or with whom you fought to stay alive, side by side.

You can’t tell whether it’s because the girl just looks like Robin - or because there’s something else there. Tiny, slithery doubt worms its way intro your fragile mind, as much as you don’t want to let it. You don’t know her - but it sure feels like you do and have done so - for a very long time.

When she releases you, she takes a moment to study you - it’s a caring look of a friend who has been there for you for years.

“That”, she points to your forehead, her eyes glowing with reassurance. “Will heal fast”.

“I’ve seen worse”, you mutter under you nose, remembering how a demogorgon slashed your side open at Byer’s when Nancy and Jonathan decided it was a good idea to lure the goddamn thing in.

“I brought you donuts”, she chases the memory away as soon as it pops in your head, nudging the carton box open and letting the smell of sugar spread. “I don’t have any work scheduled until later today and you weren’t answering any of my messages on WhatsApp, so I decided to swing by”.

There is so much for you to question in that sentence, you decide to focus on what you think matters.

“And by work you mean…?”

“Shooting that mental hospital scene with Natalia. Since we can’t have you for the Upside Down forest part today”, she answers easily, pushing the box towards you. “I brought your favorites too. Dig in”.

With ease that suggests that she’s been here a thousand of times before, she moves forward, sidesteps you, produces two cups out of a hanging kitchen cabinet. She stops dead in her tracks as soon as she turns to grab the coffee.

She noticed the sticker, you realize, and are surprised at the blush creeping up your neck.

“Joe told me you were feeling better last night”, she smiles at you knowingly, pouring you both a cup of coffee after a beat. “Quinn looked relieved when he heard him say it. I think he’s going to pay you a visit today, too”, you don’t think you imagine the suggestiveness of her tone.

Internally, you throw your head back and groan.

Riiight. Joseph Quinn. Aka Eddie Munson.

It wasn’t that hard to put two and two together, especially when he was all everybody was in such a hurry to talk to you about. Is Love - you - dating Eddie - Joseph? Well, does a Demogorgon shit in Upside Down?

It’s either that or you’re some kind of best buddies. Or fuck buddies perhaps?

So many goddamn options, and you are mentally prepared for neither.

“I was going to go see him,” you lie unabashedly, grabbing what looks like a caramel-glazed donut from the box, looking at Maya like you’ve got nothing to hide.

“Oh, he’s free now”, she offers cheerfully, and you curse this world six ways to Sunday in your head. Here goes your plans to avoid this version of Eddie Munson until you’re out of here. “He must be chilling with Gaten at the water station. The filming of their next scene starts in like, an hour. He’ll be so happy to see that you’re okay. Yeah, why don’t you go change so we can pop by? I’d hate for you guys to-”

You can’t seem to put a word in the edgewise. Maya rambles on and on, extremely eager to get your ass out the door and into Joe Quinn’s arms…

Or is that what she wants you to believe?

You’ve seen enough at your job as a bartender at Hideaway to know when people are lying - or hiding something. Hell, you called bullshit on Nancy and Jonathan pretending they were just friends even before they knew they weren’t. And don’t even let you started on Dustin trying to pretend like Mews ran away (although, to be fair, it was Steve’s inability to hide a single thing from you that earned you the truth).

Fact of the matter is, your girl Maya here is hiding something. The jury is still out on what exactly.

You listen to her for one more minute; exactly the time it takes for you to finish the donut.

“Why are you pushing this?” is all you say, narrowing your eyes at her intently.

You know you’re right on the money when Maya stutters and goes silent. She actually has the decency to look guilty as she puts her cup to a side with a sigh.

When she looks back at you, you’re somewhat taken aback by the genuine concern seeping out of her big eyes.

“Okay, before you say anything, I know your sex life is none of my business-”

You feel the shock register on your face as your eyebrows swish up, reaching your hairline. Stunned into silence - again - you realize your brain cogs are not turning fast enough for this conversation. In the meantime, Maya goes on:

“-but you are my best friend, and-“

“What in the ever-loving world are you talking about?” you measure your words, fighting an inability to compute.

Her face grows ashamed.

“You and Joe K!” she squeaks, and your stomach drops.

Woah. Hold on. Rewind. Play it again.

Something must have changed in your expression, because Maya steps closer and throws herself into yet another never-ending ramble:

“Please, Love, hear me out”, she begs, standing in front of you with conviction. “I’ll say this once more and then I will shut up for eternity, okay? Joseph Quinn is hot,” she asserts, like it’s universal truth. “Just because I don’t ship you guys together doesn’t mean I’m blind, alright? And I guess he’s really smitten with you, and you kind of look cute together… Like, I don’t know?” She throws her hands into the air and you step back to avoid getting smacked, your eyes huge in your face. “Kind of like a baby holding a kitten? Super PG-13. And then there’s you and Keery”, she smiles like she can’t help it. “The looks you give each other! I feel turned on, and I’m not even a part of the interaction! Standing between you two is a suicide mission - without meaning to, you are crushing everything that keeps you from each other. That’s like soulmate-level shit right there, okay?” she bites her lip, exasperated. “I just thought maybe, since you wanted him to stay with you last night, you have finally-“

“Nothing happened between us!” you finally burst out, waving your hands as if trying to stop her words from reaching you - shielding yourself from them.

“Well, not yet!” Maya parries, without skipping a beat. “But it will. And when it does, do you really want see Quinn’s heart shatter into a million pieces, because of what everybody knew was going to happen all along?”

You wish you had more time to compartmentalize everything - starting with her words and ending with your own feelings on the topic - to pull a practical reaction out of the variety of all the available ones.

But you don’t - so naturally, the words that come out next are laced with emotion. You don’t even know anymore if you are playing along, or if it’s a genuine concern, falling off your pale lips.

“Who knows?” you ask, defeated.

“Knows that you have feelings for Keery? That you belong with him?” just like Robin, Maya doesn’t shy away from speaking her mind. “Gaten. Me. Joe, obviously”, she rolls her eyes. “Both Joes, actually, and the two of them are in deep denial. Sees?” she points out mercilessly. “Everybody else”.

Great. That’s- That’s great.

You’d think you drowned puppies in your previous life in Hawkins, that’s how bad of a bitch karma is being to you right now.

If someone were to tell you a couple of weeks ago you’d be stuck in a love triangle with Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Eddie “The Freak” Munson you would have laughed your ass off, rolling on the floor, and then advised them to get their heads checked - in that order. Now - you’re feeling strangely emotional about the problem that isn’t your own - technically speaking, they’re not in love with you. They’re in love with, well, Love. But why the hell are you feeling like this is somehow your fault? And, even worse - like you are torn between the two, when you know fucking neither?!

Your mind frantically inspects its thoughts for a reasonable explanation. It’s because it’s Joe - who walks, talks, jokes and cares like Steve does. And also, because, it is, effectively, your problem now.

“If it’s because of the age gap…” Maya speaks again - or, rather, huffs in disapproval.

“Age gap”, you parrot back to her stupidly, unblinking. Excuse me?

“Well, Keery’s what? Thirty?” she squirms as if trying to remember. “Ah, I Googled this just yesterday!”

You watch her produce that weird thin metallic device out of her pocket and tap something on a lit up surface; nothing registers - or so you think - except for the uncontrollable screaming in your head.

This world’s Steve is thirty fucking years old.

If there’s a time for you to wake up, now would be ideal - before you explode in a fit of hysterical laughter - and get locked up for life.

“Called it!” Maya confirms triumphantly, tucking what appears to be her phone away in her pocket. “And you’re 21 on Friday. So if it’s the age gap that you’re worried about, whatever Joe you pick it’s pretty much the same.”

You catch yourself thinking you’d rather not know how old this world’s Eddie is. Save some brain cells.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Ed- Joe. Quinn”, you try name after name, scrambling for the right one, just wishing for this conversation to end. “Tomorrow?” you suggest, and your voice sounds a lot like you’re begging. “What day is it today, again?”

Maya eyes you disapprovingly.

“It’s Wednesday,” she says somewhat drily. “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation, Love. It’s your birthday in two days. Quinn has-“

“Dude”, you cut her mid-sentence. “I don’t think I understand anything”.

And isn’t that the God’s honest truth.

The tension in Maya’s shoulders drops at the sight of you. God, you must look like a train just hit you. Confused, pathetic and almost physically sick. No wonder her eyes soften and she reaches out to squeeze your shoulder.

“Gonna sound like a cliché,” she warns, “But what does your heart tell you?”

That I need a goddamn drink.

“That it’s over”, you admit, feeling like you’re ruining someone’s life. “Between Ed- Quinn and me. It has to be”.

There is no way in the world - whatever world you are in - you can pretend that you’re in love with Eddie Munson, that much is clear. If there’s a sure way to blow your cover - it’s to pretend you’re carrying a torch for him, when, clearly, you are hung up on somebody else.

The thought makes you pause, your mind going silent. You feel your heart flutter gently in your chest.

Somebody else. Ever since the shit has hit the fan, the inner voice has been stubbornly bringing you back to everything Steve every time it got the chance, and now it-

Doesn’t?

Your stomach flips, the sensation catching you off guard. The emptiness that settles in the pit of it at the realisation is almost enough to shut down your brain.

This is what fear feels like. You recognise the signs. For the first time in a very long time, you are scared.

With the alien feeling clutching your very being in its cold, clawing hands, you are still brave enough to admit that in the world where he only exists on paper and on camera - unlike Joe - you are fighting to hold on to Steve.

And while you spare no effort - you’re not sure for how long you’ll last.

My (stunning, beautiful, fantastic) tag list: @vulgarfuckinvirgo, @carpediem1219, @555stargirl555, @rqmanoff, @mvaldez7821, @sundarksposts, @the-winter-spider, @flicksturz, @theghostpeach

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington au #stranger things imagine #stranger things au #Steve Harrington x female reader

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lokisprettygirl · 2 years

Text

The Possession (Sequel to Mystery of Laufey Manor)

Read Chapter 4 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 5

Summary : Steve is hovering over you, your jealousy comes out and you are afraid that Loki would get hurt

"What do you mean?" Loki asked as he grabbed your arms and pulled you closer to him, when Natasha looked at you both her eyes were teary

"He's hovering over her as we speak" you don't know what happened to you after that, you don't remember anything. You remember seeing the light going out and darkness fading your vision, and that was it.

Loki sprinkled water on your face to wake you up, his heart was pounding in his chest, he was so scared of losing you again. When you finally opened your eyes you were met with his teary ones

"Darling hey, come back to me sweetheart, oh love you scared me" he whispered as he pulled you into his arms, you could feel him shaking, he was truly distressed by you giving out like that. You clutched onto him and then you looked aside, you were back in your apartment. Natasha and James were standing next to the couch, just looking at you

"What happened?" You asked Loki and he looked at them

"I think your body shut down because of the fear, I shouldn't have alarmed you like that but I have never seen anything like it in my life, I could clearly see it in the daylight, the black mass just hovering over you and it's the scariest thing I have ever seen which is saying something"

She told you and you started to sob, things were getting messier by the day and you hated it. Why can't you just live with your husband in peace?

"Is it still here? The thing?" You asked her and she shook her head, that comforted you a little bit

"Mr and Mrs Laufeyson if you don't mind i'd like to bring my team here and investigate since this is where the infestation occurred" James asked politely

"No at all, in fact we would gladly accept all the help we can get, we can get rid of it right?" Loki questioned James and he sighed in response

"The thing is, most spirits haunt when they have some kind of unfinished business left on this side of the world, they keep haunting until their wish is fulfilled. You told me Steve was her childhood friend?" He asked you both and you nodded

"He has been stalking me since we were kids, our families knew each other very well and that's how he got the copy of the keys to this place, he'd use to get in and out and probably used to watch me sleep at night" you mumbled, your voice trembled with fear and disgust

"That's disturbing, how did he die? His cause of death would lead us to some answers, he was obsessed with you all his life and there's no way he would have given up just because his body died" you looked at her curiously as she said that

"What do you mean?"

"When humans die, their soul leaves this dimension, those are the souls that die a natural death or die knowing well that they lived a happy full life, knowing that they were loved but sometimes death hits us prematurely, and if a person dies without getting to feel that happiness, love and fulfillment, their soul never crosses the bridge, they are stuck here forever, wanting to achieve their lifelong ambitions or find the love they never had" she explained as best as she could and it made you feel sad for those tormented souls, not for Steve though. You just hated him more and more everyday.

"That's horrible" Loki mumbled

"That's the afterlife unfortunately, they are all around us, majority of them are harmless, they learn to adapt and co-exist and when they finally accept their fate, they move on and cross the bridge but there are some who are vengeful and won't stop until they get what they want"

If Steve can stalk you for all those years there's no way he'd just give up on you so easily.

"How did he die?" James asked again so you looked at Loki

"He disappeared actually, we don't know how he died" you had to lie to them, you couldn't trust them with the truth just yet and the last thing you wanted was to lose Loki amidst all this craziness. You can't do this without him.

"We will call our team, get everything set up for tomorrow, is that alright?" Natasha asked you both and you two agreed. You needed some sort of solution to this troublesome problem. You wondered if you did the right thing by lying to them about Steve's death.

Once they left you hugged loki as tightly as you could. You feared that he'd be harmed and the thought never left your mind. Loki has hired some guys to work on the windows and deadbolt the doors and once they left he took you to your shop to divert your mind

But even while you worked you couldn't focus on it, you looked at him and your heart felt so full of love, he came here for you and if something would happen to him you'd never forgive yourself for that. Nor will you be able to go on with your life, all of a sudden life felt too short and scary. You wanted your forever with him but you feared you won't get it.

In the evening you took him to the same diner as the day before and the same waitress again gawked at him shamelessly. You noticed it all. The batting eyelashes, the flirty tone of her voice and it pissed you off.

"It says here there's a complimentary side dish on today's menu, is that true dear?" Loki asked her and sometimes you really hated how British he was whenever he spoke. So fucking posh and polite.

"Oh that was actually yesterday but I can definitely get it for you sir" she bit on her lips and he wasn't even looking at her, he was busy with choosing the best dinner option for you two and she bent down to push her cleavage into her face and Okay that was the last straw.

"Hey Brenda..Brenda right? Do you not seem to realize that we are married? I mean did you miss the wedding band? Or the fact that there's a woman sitting right in front of him?" Her eyes teared up as you raised your voice a little, normally you kept yourself in control, you didn't like being rude with people unnecessarily especially those doing such thankless jobs but she was getting on your nerves. The manager heard your voice and walked over to your table quickly

"Good evening mam, is there an issue?" He asked you and Loki was going to say something but you cut him off

"Yes, can we get another waitress? Preferably the one who won't flirt with my husband right in front of my eyes, please and thank you" you huffed and the manager took the girl away with him. Loki was just staring at you, a little taken aback by the outburst, you felt his eyes on you so you looked at him

"Well you wanted to find my flaws right? Here you go" your eyes teared up and he brought his hand forward to hold your so he could calm you down but you snatched your hands away. He absolutely abhorred your teary eyes, he knows that you are stressed from whatever is happening in your life, the strained marriage, the ghost of Steve and the shop reopening. It was bound to get to you..

You didn't say anything to him on the walk back home but he kept trying to talk to you

"Would you like to eat ice cream my darling?" He asked you softly and you shook your head. When you both reached the apartment you sat down on the couch and sighed deeply

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry lo I got jealous, really jealous, I glared at her but she wasn't taking a hint" he smiled as he sat down next to you, his arms flung around your shoulder and he pulled you closer to him

"That's it? You got jealous, is that it?" He asked you and you nodded as your eyes teared up again

"I just.. I should just get used to it, I'd flirt with you too if I saw you out there looking like this" he kissed your forehead, then he pressed a kiss on your nose and finally your lips

"You know, I can put the mask back on so they'd ignore me like they used to before, I can take that but I wouldn't want my precious girl to ever feel this hurt again, I would never want you to doubt that my affection or attention would ever wander off from you" your vision blurred as his words touched your heart. He'd put the mask back on for you. He'd do it all his life if he had to.

"God loki I love you so much, you..I love you..you'd do that for me?" you mumbled softly as you kissed him and he cupped your cheeks to kiss you back

"I'd do anything to ease your heart my love, I would never want you to feel as if anyone could sway me away from you because it's not going to happen. I'm all yours, I became yours the day I saw you the first time. You own every inch of me and you accepted every part of me, you have loved me unconditionally and I love you, only you darling"

You hugged him tightly as he finished speaking then you sobbed until you felt better, he didn't stop you, he knew you had to let it out. He wiped your tears away and kissed every inch of your face to soothe you, you giggled at each and every kiss and that made his heart flutter

"I should go shower" you told him and he nodded. You were nervous about whatever The Barnes planned to do tomorrow, you were hoping it would fix things and not exacerbate it further.

"I should do that too" you looked at him and his eyes were sparkling with a mischievous gleam. He stood up and asked for your hand

"We should stay together at all times right?" You smiled as you gave him your hand and he took you to the bathroom, he turned the shower on and you both waited for the water to warm up while he undressed himself first, then he undressed you slowly. You both got under the shower head and he couldn't stop himself from kissing on your neck. The sight of your naked body was making it harder for him to hold onto control. The view of his toned physique, his happy trail that led to his cock made you want to go down on your knees and suck him in, so that's exactly what you did, you bent down on your knees in front of him. You wanted to please him desperately.

"Darling.. " he cut his sentence short and replaced it with a moan as you stroked him with your fist. If Steve was watching right now he should definitely watch this, you thought.

"Fuck..I had a dream like this once" he mumbled and tilted the head of the shower over his back so the water wouldnt come between your mouth and his cock that was swelling more and more with every stroke,

"Describe your dream" you mumbled as you licked the tip like an icecream cone, your eyes met with his and you could see the infinite amount of lust in there and you wanted to bathe in them

"Hmm we were at the manor, in our bedroom, we probably indulged in sex because your body seemed slick with sweat and your cunt seemed filled with my cum" your pussy tingled as he recalled his filthy dream, his voice always managed to send you in a trance that you never wanted to come out of. You felt safe, happy loved and satisfied in there

"Mmm I do miss you filling me up like that" you mumbled and pressed the cock over his torso then you licked the underside of his cock from his balls to to the shaft. He smelled like sweat and his own musk which you didn't mind at all, you relished it instead, you loved the taste of his skin.

"I filled you so deep and I filled you so much that my cum was seeping out of your used cunt" he mumbled in a soft breathy voice and it made you shudder, you wanted to hear more.

"Keep talking" you moaned and sucked him in your mouth, then you started to bob your head back and forth slowly, you didn't want to rush, it's been so long and you wanted to build him up slowly.

"That's when I took you to the bathroom so we both can get cleaned, just like I did today. I brought you here to get showered but you wanted to get dirty instead hmm?"

You nodded with your cock filled mouth and increased the pace of your movement, his fingers clutched your hair and he pulled himself out of you so he could talk to you and he wanted to hear you.

"You look like such a whore, down on your knees on the dirty bathroom floor like that, with my cock in your mouth, you just want to please your husband isn't that so?" He asked you as he caressed your lips with his thumb, his voice sounded so deep and low, it was coming straight from his chest,

"Please yes fuck my mouth Loki..pleasee use my mouth" you mumbled and took your tongure out, you were so prim and proper at all times, but it was only when he had you under him like this is when your sexuality roared. He found you all kinds of perfect. His cock dived straight inside your inviting warmth and he grabbed your head to fuck himself in and out of you slowly.

"Mmmm waking up from that dream was a torture sweetheart, waking up all alone after such a dream felt like the worst punishment and I deserved it. It felt horrible that I couldn't just find you and use you the way you craved to be used by me, my hands are not enough, they are never enough..I craved this warm wet mouth and that dripping cunt of yours..oh yess I bet it's dripping isn't it?" He has always been so dirty with his mouth and you have always loved it.

He moaned as the knot started to build in his core, It's been so long and he wasn't going to last. You sat there pilantly as he fucked your face and took his pleasure from you. You closed your eyes so you could feel the hardness of his cock in your throat. The sound of the water cascading down on the floor, the feeling of sitting on the wet floor, everything pushed you deeper and deeper into his magic.

Your nose brushed against the wet coarse hair on the base of his cock, he wanted to get all the way in, he wanted to feel wrapped around your throat so he pushed himself as deeply as he could until you were choking on his cock, then he pulled out to allow you to breathe and to make himself last longer. You smiled as soon as his cock left your mouth, you had your eyes closed and he knew you were in your own heaven

"Mmmmmm please need your cock ..feel so empty please..need you to cum on my face" you mumbled mindlessly and the thought of your face marked with his cum fired him up even more. He thrusted in again, his ass clenched with every movement.

"Fuck yess darling, that mouth was made to suck, that's my fucking whore of a wife isnt she?.. taking me so well my filthy little slut" his words aroused you so good that you had to squeeze your thighs to get some relief

"Want me to paint your face, hmm? I'll give it to you.. I'll give you everything you desire..take it..take my cum" You gripped on his ass as you felt his cock twitching in your mouth, he pulled himself out again and you stroked his cock over your face and then he finally let go. He came so hard, you felt his warm stick spurts of cum hitting your face again and again. His groans were loud and aggressive. He looked beautiful like that and you felt blessed.

He placed his arms on the wall behind you to control himself, his knees felt wobbly because of the intensity of the orgasm. He looked down at you and you still had his cum all over his face, he really hoped Steve was watching this, he hoped that he was watching you belong to him in every possible way. You were his wife, his soulmate, his little slut and he owned you. You belonged to him and him only

He picked you up quickly, turned you around and pressed you against the wall, his arm snaked around your waist as he cupped your wet dripping mounds, he brought his hand up, wiped his cum off your face and rubbed it against your pussy lips then he fingered you and played with your clit until you fell apart for him.

"That's the hottest thing that has ever happened to me" you giggled as you two finally showered.

"You say it everytime we do something new.. I love you so much my darling" he kissed you softly and once you both were done, you changed into your night clothes and slept in the bedroom.

"Darling, I promise you if I ever die a premature death, I'd never haunt you, even though I would want to" he chuckled and you glared at him as he said that.

"It's not funny lo..please don't stay stuff like that, I can't do this without you" he snuggled you in his arms as your eyes teared up, you can't think of a life without him anymore

There's no way you'd let him out of your sight especially after what just happened, you just knew Steve was watching you and it creeped you out but it also made you afraid that he'd hurt Loki.

And he did, he did hurt him.

❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚💀💀💀❤️💚❤️💚💚

Taglist : @annoyingsweetsstranger @alycxx @daddylokisqueen @ddeadlystbbxx @elenaysusneuras @snigdha-14 @loki-s-wife @asgardianprincess1050 @nonsensicalobsessions @chaotics17 @catalina712 @rat-p1ss @dracofxckingluciusmalfoy @dopeqff @babymetaldoll @xorpsbane @jaspearl31 @mcufan72 @michelleleewise @christineblood @howdidurhammergrowchris @sharklover927 @kittycattoys @123forgottherest @soumya-13 @jadep2003 @misswimberly @nixymarvelkins @colifower @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @el-zef

#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader smut #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki horror au #dark themes #horror romance

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outofangband · 1 year

Text

very informal thoughts on the more mundane villains I write (Avranc, Brodda and Lorgan)

mentions of bad stuff from canon ahead

anon who wanted to see this, I hope you do! I’m also going to go back to it tomorrow and finish any edits and additions as I can’t from mobile right now...

third and last time I’m reposting this. apparently Tumblr is once again doing the thing where it doesn’t let you edit things under a cut on mobile

Avranc

mundane evil at its finest. Bureaucratic, petty, and callous. Depraved indifference is the term I used in my recent meta about The Wanderings of Húrin and it’s the most accurate thing I can say about him. He’s well aware that he’s living in a nigh apocalyptic world and he’ll mistreat or even kill anyone he thinks has earned it.

His cruelty towards completely traumatized Húrin and callousness about Morwen’s death was surprisingly disturbing to me when I first read The Wanderings and it’s stuck with me ever since

Brodda:

I really hate this man! I’m not normal about it, either. If you’ve ever mentioned disliking him even in tags or comments you might have dealt with my overexcited responses. Sorry in advance/in retrospect. It will probably happen again.

Technically in my published stories he’s only in a few but he features heavily in unpublished stories of mine too. The scene where Morwen scares him away by looking is simultaneously one of the scariest and most amusing scenes in the entire book for me.

In one of those published stories Aerin says that his best quality is his long periods of absence and the kindest thing he does is ignoring her. That’s the highest character endorsement you’ll get from a reliable source. The previous batch of Aerin headcanons and the next one has some less than fun facts about him.

What to say about him? He’s a mid level commander and violent sadist who accuses women of witchcraft. He often ignores Aerin because he gets bored of being cruel to the same people, hence her glowing character endorsement (my sarcasm as well as hers). He’s way too obsessed with his own dagger (hence the title of the story) He’s mostly fun to write when he’s getting stabbed by Morwen with it and the art I have of it is the best thing ever. Earlier last year I thought my dark!Finarfin was the worst character I’d write but I think even he isn’t as bad, if only because dark Arafinwë has more self awareness. The BoLT version is interesting too because it puts his actions in an even more disturbing light when he’s acting against his own people. I tend to use a combination that has him originally from Hithlum but having left a couple decades before the start of the Narn. I have...thoughts about this including one of the most disturbing things I think I have ever come up with regarding Dagor Bragollach.

Anyways he’s an awful person and needs to stay away from Aerin and Morwen and just about everyone else on the planet. Currently I’m playing with an idea for a wip where Morwen does convince Aerin to flee to Hareth in Brethil and then finds herself accused of causing her vanishment by sinister means.

But I had to work out his character so much for Cut Your Hand As Willingly (semi published, it has its own tag which I’ll put on this post) that I’m not sure I could face writing him again.

Lorgan: Any visuals I have of him are based on the description of the governor from The Magnus Archives episode Foundations. He’s notable to me mainly for being the guy who Húrin yells at in The Wanderings. Well, one of them. I guess that story does have more than one instance of Húrin yelling at people. He also apparently considered abducting Niënor. I don’t know exactly what version this was in, I actually thought I invented that in my brain but then two people completely unrelated posted about it so it’s somewhere in HoME. I have a post about it here. It’s kind of pathetic that he failed in this despite the family being actually cursed. Always a possibility for further exploration in dark aus He doesn’t appear in many of my stories except as a background character.

I don’t like him much either but it’s also interesting to imagine versions where he was originally of Húrin’s people too.

#the silmarillion #the children of húrin #the wanderings of Húrin #morwen #aerin #musing and meta #word ran among them #cw abuse #cut your hand as willingly

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izlosingtheirmind · 9 months

Text

I smoked DMT in May of this year and this is my experience and how it changed my life

Important context for this is I’ve been suicidal most of my life. The prior months leading up to this experience, I had been severely suicidal, every day. I had a note ready and was certain I wasn’t making it to 30.

I didn’t breakthrough all the way and I didn’t really have to. I got very close.

At first I was just ..“dancing with the universe” is the only way I can explain it. The most magnificent patterns I’ve ever seen, colors I can’t explain. I cried of joy. I could still see my apartment. My vision was like a shutter. For ex. One moment an object would be a rectangle, then it would switch (not morph), totally switch in a shutter type fashion into a circle. And then some more shapes I’ve never seen and can’t explain.

Then I took my last hit, held it in. My reality got very weird and a bit scary. I saw someone or thing watching me from my bathroom door and my jacket hanging up began to melt.

Then right when I said “I think I want this to stop”, I was shot through a tunnel of spinning mandalas made of eyes. Quite literally that popular piece by Alex Grey. But not looking at it, in it. Fully in it. Reality was no more. When I was in that tunnel, I didn’t know nor think about my human existence. None of it existed for that time. But I was quickly shot back into reality.

I saw my apartment again, but it was crazy. My walls and objects were morphing from shape to shape, color to color extremely fast. I looked at my cat and she was morphing and changing color too. Neon pink, neon green and checker pattern stuck out to me the most for some reason.

Then reality crumbled right before my eyes. Literally. Everything turned black/white/grey and crumbled like a building being demolished. And I was back in a world I can’t explain.. it was dark. Again, my human existence didn’t exist, i was just energy experiencing.. something.

Finally I came back to reality, saw my friend and grasped him for dear life so I didn’t get taken back to that world. I was so scared I wouldn’t come back from it, and that I was going to be sent back for eternity. I thought I was either going to die or go insane. Everything was morphing as it was before. All that was going through my head was that I’m going to lose the girl I really like, I’m gonna lose my job, my cats won’t have a mom anymore, I’m never gonna see my family and friends again. I held onto my friend for dear life until it finally fully ended.

All I could mutter was “what the fuck”. No amount of psychedelics could have prepared me for DMT. It’s a whole other animal.

Interestingly, when I came out of it and realized I was okay and it did in fact end, I wasn’t scared of it. I thought I’d be traumatized from an experience like that and never want to touch it again. It was easily the scariest experience of my entire life. Yet, directly after, I felt grateful and intrigued.

It took me about an hour or 2 to just somewhat process what had just happened. But I quickly came to the realization that I am not ready to die. That I have potential, that my loved ones need me and that is why I was scared. Not only did I gain this knowledge, I also came back with a knowing that this is the case for every human soul on this planet. I didn’t get an answer as to why, but I now know we all have a reason for being here. Every one of us. No matter how hopeless it seems. Everyone is meant to be here and experience this life.

The second realization I came to rather quickly was that running from fear of the unknown will only make things worse. Every time. That I must SURRENDER to life and know that it is out of my control (besides my actions). This, I believe as an intuitive knowing from the experience, was a lesson that was taught so that I can integrate it into my life, and until I do, I am not to return to the DMT world. And I have taken this lesson very seriously and have been taking action to push past my fears that I would normally let dictate my life. I have a lot of work to do still, because it is a huge barrier I’ve got to tackle. And I’ll be honest I’ve been slacking.

I tried to return last week and was not granted access no matter how much of it I smoked. I got the visuals, but was stuck in the waiting room with an intuitive feeling that it’s not time yet and I still have work to do.

So yeah, DMT zapped away my suicidal ideation, made me realize how my life does have potential and sent me on a mission to conquer my fears and live the life I WANT. And I’m grateful as hell.

With psychedelics, you really have to be able to take what you can get from the experience, good or bad. But if DMT ever crosses your path and you feel ready to accept what it has to offer, I highly recommend you do. (Don’t seek it. It will come to you.)

#dmt #dmt trip #psychedelique #healing #psychonauts

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tamlinrose · 1 year

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I think one of the scariest things for me, as a disabled person who has official diagnoses only for a few of my neurodivergences (Autism, cPTSD), is that my physical symptoms of extreme fatigue, pain and discomfort when I’m in any position for too long and waxing and waning weakness in my limbs, are often associated with my psychological distress, and not given any outside support except ibuprofen, vitamin d and “self care” exercises.

It both feels incredibly invalidating, because even if these conditions are connected to trauma, or being autistic, that doesn’t make them any less debilitating. Also, I don’t believe they are fully psychological. physical and mental health definitely feed off of each other, but I think it’s pretty ableist that medical professionals and my family have always pointed to errors in me not maintaining my mental health well enough, not exercising and gaining weight as the reasons I can’t leave bed for an entire day after I exert myself physically the day before, or how sometimes I’m so physically weak I can barely move, or nausea that literally made me have to leave work. In one flare last winter I literally would get stranded on a story of the house I lived at because walking up and down the stairs was so painful that I would max out and be stuck away from my room or the kitchen which were in different floors, to the point I had to move rooms to the first floor.

I feel like I’m seen as a hypochondriac for continuing to ask what’s wrong with me, especially when all my blood results come back normal. At this point with years of therapy and an Autism diagnosis, they’re willing to see my psychological distress, but I think it’s also used as a way to invalidate everything else. I don’t know if any more established spoonies or people who have a had some success advocating for themselves have any advice. Right now I’m lost

TLDR; I’m struggling to get diagnoses or help for the physical side of my symptoms, with the cause often being put on me for not being mentally well enough or possibly looking like a hypochondriac to doctors

#spoonie #disabled #actually disabled #actually autistic #asd #disability justice #low spoons #undiagnosed disability #mental illness #complex ptsd

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house-of-lawmuro · 3 months

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Moonlight Lovers AU Headcanons: Young Amuro

While this is mainly for my Trafalgar Law/Amuro Ray modern AU, you are free to interpret it for your own AU use.

Just some HCs about little amuro

Modern AU Amuro was born Nov 4, 1994, so he would've grown up in the late 1990s/early 2000s. I didn't grow up during this era, so feel free to add your own HCs based on your experiences if you grew up during that era.

He loved the swings as a kid, but he wouldn't let anyone push him (he'd just do the swinging legs thing to propel himself) One time when he was about 6, he couldn't get off the swings due to being too short, and he had gotten some pretty good air, so he was pretty terrified. This was during a school trip to the park, so the teachers were off assisting other students and couldn't help poor little Amuro, who was stuck on the swings screaming and crying for help for *almost 20 minutes*. He still remembers the incident to this day and considers it one of the scariest moments of his life (outside of the moments that actually gave him trauma).

His favorite shows as a kid included The Powerpuff Girls, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Pokémon anime and The Fairly Oddparents (although he's renounced that one bc of Butch Hartman's actions). In fact, he went to see the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie in theaters and ended up having nightmares about Dennis hunting him down for a week.

He ended up getting a Furby for his 5th birthday from Tem Ray (essentially this AU's version of Haro). Amuro's held on to it for quite a bit and kept it in really good condition because it was one of the last things his dad got from him before his parents' divorce (which caused a lot of messy issues because he initially was placed in Kamaria's custody, which wasn't the best choice, to put it lightly). Image of the Furby for reference:

He played a lot of computer games as a kid (which may or may not have influenced him into going for a degree in programming/IT engineering)

First movie he ever saw in theaters was Toy Story (he doesn't remember watching it bc he was a baby when he did though)

Had a VHS of The Lion King, and always skipped the part with Mufasa's death bc it gave him nightmares after he first watched it, this time of his loved ones (varied every time he had the dream) suffering Mufasa's fate

Was diagnosed with autism at 8 years old, after it became obvious he wasn't interested with making friends. However, it lead Kamaria (this was after the divorce) to completely shelter him from the outside world (he only began walking to school alone at 14, for starters). She was also the type of parent that was always like "It's such a burden that my son is autistic, I wish I could cure it"

#moonlight lovers au #house of lawmuro writing #house of lawmuro art #modern au #amuro ray #gundam #long post #headcanons

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mollynicolemurphy · 11 months

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Oh captain, my captain…

My best friend claims to be a mermaid, it’s something she so instinctively knows about herself. And when she tells stories to help me process things, she often uses analogies from the sea.

The story she so beautifully described today was the story of a captain. A captain I spent the last six months with after he jumped from his ship a year prior. He jumped from the ship he’d been sailing for nearly two decades when he saw that his first mate had been so wildly focused on a different course. I started to dive into the story and took over the narrative to write this piece, as I was the one who lived through the experience…

My captain had been lost at sea for over a year, survived many storms, encountered sirens and hadn’t yet found one that he trusted enough to explore the deeper parts of the water with, until he met me. I was the siren and the muse he’d hoped would help him find his way back to shore, back to his new home. It was his last desperate attempt to reclaim the love he’d been missing from his life for so long. We spent six beautiful months together at sea learning how to swim. We were stuck on a life raft at times, occasionally finding safe harbors amongst exquisite barrier reefs where we had so many beautiful intimate moments together filled with so much love and adoration. However, as connected as we were, I think we both instinctively knew we could not find our way back to shore together. It was a journey we each needed to take alone, but we did make one final attempt to swim side by side with each other's souls to get there. What we found was that neither of us were truly swimming in our power, oftentimes conforming ourselves to the other because of our deep love and connection. My captain saw things about the journey I needed to take before I let myself see them. I ignored the things I knew he needed, because the kind of love he gave me felt so good and so safe. When I sent him off on his last voyage, I knew he would not return to me. I felt a disconnection and awareness from him that was like nothing I’d experienced before, but I understood. My soul knew our time together was complete.

And in the last few weeks, it’s been an adjustment to be swimming alone again. Yet I swam back to familiar safe harbors for reassurance that it was indeed my time to go to the place I’ve feared for so long. In preparation, I listened to the words of thought leaders and my own guides to help me understand all of the things I would find. Then yesterday, I jumped from the rock and started out on my journey. I swam harder than I have in my entire life, directly toward the place I feared so much. There were obstacles along the way, so many things trying to make me turn back… yet I kept swimming. And when I arrived at what I believed was the deepest and scariest cavern in the sea, I was ready. Along with my trusted guides encouraging me, my captain had given me the love and strength and the safe harbor I needed to take this journey. And I knew with my entire being, there was absolutely no turning back.

I went inside the deepest cavern I’ve been avoiding for the past forty years. It was the cavern that held all the treasures that my heart and soul have kept buried away from me. They were all there, just waiting for me when I was ready to see them. I couldn’t believe how beautiful the treasures were. Some illuminated the pain I’d suppressed that caused so much suffering and others sparkled with so much happiness and joy. I found my little girls that I’d abandoned for so long, waiting for me and ready to be set free from this cavern. They showed me the way out and pointed towards a bright light at the end of a tunnel. They explained that the tunnel had so many more treasures and it was the only way I could find my way back to shore. Gazing around the cavern, I was awestruck by the treasures I had found and smiled as I realized this place wasn’t so scary after all. My little girls explained there were things about them I must first honor and cherish. I must be disciplined and committed to the process and not look anywhere but within myself as I swim. They each are excited to show me what they have learned and have been waiting for me to come back so they could share all their stories with me. They explained they were ready for me to take the lead as long as I checked in with them and allowed them to join me on the journey. They have so much wisdom and apologized for acting out in my subconscious for years in an attempt to get their needs met and ultimately get my attention. They knew they were responsible for causing me so much pain, but didn’t know any other way. They asked for forgiveness and when I was so open to forgive them, they were delighted. They saw the curiosity in my eyes knowing my eyes were the windows to my soul. They were thrilled that I had come back to them and wanted to hear more about this captain that gave me the strength to come and set them free. I explained I would share our love story with them from time to time, but it was important that they share all their wisdom and stories with me first. I also explained he may not be waiting on the shore when I make it through the tunnel and out of the cavern. I reassured them it was so incredibly important to my development to let him go knowing his soul will be a part of me forever. I recounted that it was the experience with my beloved captain that created a safe harbor for me and inspired me to find them in this cavern of buried treasures. It was the year he had spent navigating through the dark waters which gave him the internal compass that showed him he needed to set out on his own path and let me swim alone; because ultimately my life depended on finding this cavern under the sea.

And now the journey through the tunnel begins… I know when I make it out of this cavern and to the shore, I’ll be able to remove my fins and walk away with a new found sense of freedom. And when I look back at the sea, I’ll know that freedom came from courage; a courage developed from love. It is going to take courage to live with an open heart, trust and love myself and surrender to my vulnerable soul knowing I am safe and have all the power within. And if my captain choses to find his way to me when he makes it to shore, we will set off on yet another beautiful adventure together with endless possibilities, because we have both finally become whole. ♾

Oh captain, my captain… until we meet again.

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deeeelightfuldee · 2 years

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Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? for very different reasons... i would say first heartbreak would be J.. that was so hard. my assault from a different J was traumatizing. but this stuff with K had my hopes so, so high that i’d gotten it right for once. jokes on me

How tall is the last person you kissed? 6′1

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? no

What is the name of the last band you discovered? I don’t pay attention to the names lately. just listening for sound and lyrics.

Do you prefer group projects, or would you prefer to work alone? I love working alone. i’m extremely self-motivated and i have exceptionally high standards.

Are your days full and fast-paced? most of the time yes.

Are you good with painting nails with your left hand? no but i make it work.

Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? to an extent.

Hard or soft peppermints? hard.

What browser do you use? chrome

Have you ever gotten stuck in quicksand? Nope.

Can you whistle? Yes.ish.

How many digits of pi do you have memorized? 3.14

Have you ever eaten grass? sure.

Can you make a paper airplane? very poorly, but yes

Do you like ice cream sandwiches? not particularly but it has also been many years since ive had one.

Do you prefer your strawberries with chocolate syrup, sugar, or just plain? plain or sugar.

Have you ever gotten a tattoo unprofessionally? No. no tattoos at all.

Have you ever had to take care of an elderly person? every day

Have you ever had a nosebleed? no. i get bloody throat which is jusssssssst not fun.

What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? they really arent my thing. if i have to, ill have the blue bag. ive only ever had red and blue.

What’s your favorite movie genre? (Action, comedy… ect.) romantic currently.

Have you ever seen a hippo in person? yes. theyre uncomfortably large when you know the speed they can reach

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen? watching someone die

What do you like about the house you live in? i love the town. i love the location of this house being across from a forest. i love the amount of space it feels it has despite not being that large. i love the laundry chute. i love the porch.

Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? no. they divorced at 37 years. yes i know why.

What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? polar bear.

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? no i go back n forth.

Favorite DC character? No.

Your favorite fictional couple? the darcys

Do you have a favorite historical couple? i used to but i would need to reevaluate.

Have you received any good news recently? no, not necessarily.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? no.

Do you like BBQ sauce? its fine. i dont have it but maybe 3x a year.

Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? No. Do you enjoy fishing? i like the concept of peacefully sitting by water. but i dont like the idea of harming animals i dk i just cant.

Do you have any nicknames for your significant other? i am single for the time being.

Have you ever set up your best friend with someone? no, they were always taken.

What would you do if you witnessed someone getting jumped? id yell and be like what the heck is happening are you ok do you know this person

Can you read something in another language? not really, no.

Would you ever host a slumber party on a roof top? ummm i dont see how.

What type of bread do you get from Subway? I cant have the bread anymore unfortunately.

What would you do if you were caught in a tsunami? try to evacuate?

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ifindus · 3 years

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please tell me this is a saying somewhere else as well?

social americans are scary - who speaks to random people you don’t know??

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stormbreaker101 · 2 years

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Night Terrors

The Pirate seldom dreamt. When they did, they'd forget it within minutes. After all, it ain't wise to waste your energy on dreams when real life needs so much more attention.

Though that doesn't mean they don't ever care about dreams. They notice patterns in what few dreams they remember. After hearing their parents' voices in the Valley of the Gold Monkey, they dreamed of home. After losing their memory of their parents, their dreams had em reaching for something that'd dissolve to mist.

Today they had defeated Kane, once and for all.

The Pirate thought they could rest easy.

~ Kane's voice was cold and grating. "Why stop at only one heart?" he had asked. He shot his maker, Gazpaccio. "Why stop at two?" Indeed, why stop at two? Why not kill the Pirate, and then their entire crew, before they could ever get close to fighting him?

He turned the gun to the Pirate.

The Pirate snapped awake.

They felt tears in their eyes but they couldn't blink. They struggled to breathe. A terrified cry boiled in their throat. They couldn't open their mouth to scream. They couldn't move. They couldn't see. It was so dark.

Were they dead?

A jolt ran through them and they bolted upright. The cry tumbled out from them, an ugly cry. Voice cracking. Tears falling. Coughs racking their shivering body. They couldn't remember the last time they cried so terribly.

The ship careened to a halt. There was a knock upon the door to their quarters. "Cap'n? What's goin' on with ye?" Ratbeard's gruff but concerned voice bled through the door.

The Pirate instantly went silent. Right, Ratbeard had been sailing the ship through the Stormgate while the Pirate slept. He heard em cry, didn't he?

After some silence, Ratbeard asked. "Can I come in?"

"Please." The word left The Pirate's quivering mouth before they could even realize it.

Ratbeard came in, holding a cage lantern by his side. It immediately lit up the cabin and everything in it, including the young teary-eyed Pirate grabbing at the edge of their blanket. "Ye don't look so good, Cap'n," he said, making his voice softer. "Wanna talk about it?"

The Pirate looked away from Ratbeard, their gaze falling upon the blanket they clutched so tightly. "It's... It's nothing important. A stupid dream," they mumbled.

"It ain't stupid if it's makin' ye cry so bad," Ratbeard argued. He put the lantern on a desk in the Pirate's room and sat himself on a chair, facing the youngster. "An' even if it is stupid, I won't judge. Ye have my word."

The Pirate sighed. They hated being weak in front of their crew. As their Captain, they had to be strong no matter what the entire crew faces. Treacherous weather, twisted magics, a heartless monster killing his own maker, active threats upon the Spiral's safety. Upon the crew's safety. Upon their own safety. However, they could only be so strong in the face of it all. At the end of the day, they were just a child, thrust into this leadership role.

And it certainly was the end of the day.

"It was..." The name stuck itself in the Pirate's throat. "It was..." Just thinking about it made them tense. They struggled to breathe. They tried to force the name out, but all that came was a heavy bout of choked coughs.

"Easy, kiddo," Ratbeard said. He brought his chair closer and gave the Pirate some pats on the back, to help the coughs outta their system.

The Pirate sniffled. "It was.... him." They couldn't say his name. "The Machine. He killed us. He killed us all. And- And I know it's stupid. We beat him. But no I have this nightmare and-" They were cut off by a sniffle and more coughs. "... and, yeah. It's stupid. I'm being stupid. I'm sorry."

Ratbeard shook his head. He knew exactly what was going on. He suffered the same, over his many years of adventuring. "Ye'r not stupid. That's... hoo boy. Kid, that's trauma." The Pirate looked at him, but said nothing, so he continued. "Stopping him was one o' the scariest fu... freakin' things anyone could imagine. And you did it. And you're a kid! Of course you're not gonna get over it instant, just 'cuz he's gone. It's scary, and it sticks with ye."

"Is there any way to get over it, at all?" the Pirate asked.

"Not really," Ratbeard answered. "I've got a lot o' trauma too. Some from my childhood, a lot from my old times as me own Captain... It sticks with ye, and... it's just somethin' we haf'ta deal with."

"Oh..." The Pirate seemed to shrivel. They sniffled.

"It ain't hopeless, though," Ratbeard reassured. He put a hand on the Pirate's shoulder. "You're not alone. We all were there. We all can understand, an' help each other deal with it. Help you deal with it. And, hell, whatever other trauma ye've got too."

The Pirate leaned their head on the shoulder Ratbeard held. "You promise?"

"Ye have my word," Ratbeard swore.

"Thanks..." The Pirate sighed. They looked up at Ratbeard. "I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep without seeing that again."

"Ye'll be able to sleep well again soon enough," Ratbeard promised. "But in the meantime... how about I show ye my fav'rite constellations, Cap'n? Stormgate skies are prettier than any one world's night sky. Especially when ye know all the stories an' legends behind the constellations!" He seemed to light up at the very idea of it.

The enthusiasm and invitation made the Pirate smile. "Sounds fun," they said. Plus, they wanted to spend more time with Ratbeard. They got out from their hammock, slipped on their boots, and went up to the quarterdeck with Ratbeard. And the hours of the night waned away, and the memory of the nightmare faded with time.

The Pirate rarely remembered their dreams, and this nightmare, as terrifying as it was, was no different.

#i wrote a thing!#pirate101 #p101 #ratbeard #the pirate

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llamagoddessofficial · 3 years

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Thank you to @lost-immortality for commissioning this Death God Sans x Reader (plus a special guest~) piece! This was a joy to write!

The Mouth of the Underworld was legendary, to say the least.

It made sense that you’d want to see it, even just one time. When you entered and left the Underworld, it was through Sans’ ability to instantly bring himself anywhere he wanted, not via the Gates that separated the mortal world from that of the dead. Sans had been somewhat confused as to why you wanted to visit it (“not much to see, my love, it’s just a cave.”) but he’d been willing to take you.

He was... concerned, however. If that was the right word for it. Because of what was guarding the Gates.

Cerberus.

Sans had raised the issue that it may not be a good idea to come to the Gates while the legendarily foul-tempered hellhound was present. He mentioned that Cerberus, while at the place he had unfailingly guarded for thousands of years, tended to become aggressive and overzealous; dangerous to be around, even for deities who normally had nothing to fear. Cerberus didn’t quite strike as much fear into the hearts of Gods and mortals as Sans... but that wasn’t a particularly high bar to cross- and it didn’t mean the creature was exactly beloved either.

He was the reason Souls without Sans’ permission never made it out of the depths.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. I know you’re nervous but there’s no danger. I’m certain I’ll be safe if you’re with me, Sans...”

“you aren’t subtle. i know you’re trying to manipulate me.”

“It’s working.”

“yes, it is.” He stood from his desk, cloak manifesting from the silver brooches at his shoulders and flowing down his back like wine from a goblet. “we should go now, if we want to arrive before mortal sunset.”

...

It was an absolutely beautiful cavern. A cathedral-like white cave, pillars and signs of worship carved into the stone, sun beaming in from the cavern mouth... great ancient boughs of wisteria wound up the walls and ceiling, hanging thick grapelike bunches of violet and lilac flowers that filled the air with a sweet floral scent and carpeted the ground in soft purplish petals.

... And there he was. Cerberus... asleep as far as you could tell (thank the stars). Far, FAR larger than you’d expected- big enough to be mistaken for some kind of titan or hydra, enough to easily swallow unfortunate men whole. A looming skeletal dog; three great crowned heads, skulls bearing terrifying sword-teeth, the length of his body decorated with scars from years of defending the mouth to freedom. He was laying with his body blocking the mouth of the cave... you briefly wondered how many people had this silhouetted image as the last thing they saw before being violently sent back to the depths of the Underworld.

...

One of his heads, the middle one, opened a socket. Not asleep anymore. You flinched back- Sans placed a steadying touch on your shoulder, no doubt used to people fearing the Guardian. Cerberus had lights in his deep void eyesockets, like his master; observant and sharp as they rolled to land on you. How many Souls had he seen come and go? A single breath from one head sent up a cloud of petals.

Something new...

... As if the central head had whispered to the others, the other two lifted and glared across the cave at you... you were safe with Sans, right? Right. You backed into him even more and he moved his hand to your forearm. Part of you wanted to ask a thousand questions, is this normal, are we fine? but the other parts of you didn’t dare speak in case it agitated the monster.

... Cerberus fully raised all three heads, dragged his clawed feet underneath him, he’s standing? The sound of bone scraping against rock filled the seemingly endless chamber, petals tumbled down from his shoulders and off his back, he must’ve been there for years... he turned...

...

... And leapt toward you.

You were certain for a moment that he intended to crush you under one humongous paw but, to your shock, as he moved through the air he shrank. When he jumped he was a beast with teeth as big as your head...

... And when he landed in a light shower of petals, just before you, he was merely the height of a lion, his shoulder perhaps at your waist height. The guardian of the gates stood before you...

... Then barked, play bowed, and rolled onto his back.

...

You immediately gasped, dropping onto your knees out of Sans’ hold, rubbing the exposed ribcage like you were ruffling fur. Cerberus’ first head stuck out a glowing blue tongue, and the middle one barked again, skeletal tail thudding against the ground fast enough to resemble a heartbeat.

“Oh my goodness, you’re just... so fearsome, aren’t you?” You cooed, scratching his ribs. “The stories were right, I’m terrified! Are you the scariest beast in all three realms? Yes you are, yes you are...”

Cerberus eventually rolled back over again, jumping up, pushing his middle head against your face- you couldn’t help but laugh, enthusiastically petting him, and the first head insistently pressed against you too to the point where you would’ve gotten bowled over if you hadn’t quickly readjusted your footing to dole out attention to both.

... Sans chuckled. You were hardly paying attention to him. The third head, apparently a little calmer than the other two fussing you, lifted to greet Sans at your side.

“first you steal my heart,” Sans said, giving Cerberus’ greeting head a small, affectionate scratch on the jaw. “then a place in my bed. and now you steal my hellhound... honestly, when are you going to let me rest?”

“Never.” You wrapped your arms around the two close heads. “This is my puppy now, I’ll fight for him.”

“no need. you seem to be his favourite.”

As if to confirm Sans’ observation, you were gifted the blessing of a very gross lick on the side of your face by the head that’d just returned from greeting his master.

... You soon realised a predicament- something that was, perhaps, the greatest tragedy that could befall you. It made your heart drop. You turned, looking up at your betrothed, rubbing one of the insistent noses that pressed against your cheek.

“Sans. You can curse people, right?”

... He raised a curious brow. “... yes.”

“Find whichever horrible monster decided I could only have two arms, and give them the worst curse you have.” Two arms, three heads... injustice. “They need to suffer unendingly for their cruelty.”

“i’ll see to getting that done for you, love.” He teased. “until then... cerberus is one being, so i’m sure he won’t mind your predicament. he seems happy to receive the attention, regardless of the head.”

“You’re really going to look at this adorable creature and tell me you don’t want to pet every head at once?”

Sans laughed, seemingly unable to help himself, a beautiful dark sound. You weren’t sure if it was your adamancy to bestow love on Cerberus, or your declaration that he was ‘adorable’ that apparently entertained him so much... but it always felt nice to make Sans laugh.

“... Hey. Now that I think about it... looks big and scary, is feared through both heaven and earth, but is secretly adorable and gentle... you two are more alike than I thought you’d be!”

“come now. you can’t be saying things like that.” He smirked. “i have a reputation to uphold.”

You held Cerberus’ most affectionate head, the first, and pressed a kiss to his skeletal muzzle as revenge for his gross lick.

“... I know you said he comes and goes from the palace as he pleases... but I really hope he follows us. Otherwise I’m going to have to come here every single day.”

... You were half joking, in your dedication to return to see your new dog. But luckily for you, you didn’t need to make the journey- Cerberus, the ‘untamable’ monstrous hound, wouldn’t leave your side for a moment and loyally followed you and Sans all the way back to the palace, barking and wagging his tail the whole time.

...

Well. Now that made two ancient underworld-dwelling skeletal godmonsters that developed an instantaneous affection for you. Maybe you had a knack?

#commissions #llama writes #death god sans #fables and romances #BIG DOGGO #ehehehehhe #mc: if I had a nickel for every terrifying slightly eldritch skeleton creature that instantly loved me I'd have two nickels.#which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

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