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notbecauseofvictories · 4 years

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Hi Sarah! My friend and I are starting a bookclub (as much as you can with two people who aren't pressed for deadlines) and I was wondering if you have any recommendations? (That is if you have time to rec anything!) We're starting off with Deathless and have Fitzgerald next in line somewhere but I def want to try to expand the genres we read and tbh from years of following you, I trust your judgement

I don’t...like giving recommendations? At least not directly, it seems like too much opportunity for getting it wrong. Everybody has their own tastes, after all, and even the best of friends don’t necessarily vibe with what you vibe with. (I’ve experienced this with multiple friends, so I know what I’m talking about.) Truly, one of the reasons that my whole “I’m going to get back into reading for pleasure!” push has been so successful is that I only bother with books that interest me, and stop reading when they fail to catch my attention.

But I’ve now read at least 60 books in 2020, which is approximately 60 more than I’ve read in the years prior, so I’m happy to share that. Below is my list of recent reads, beginning to end, along with a very short review---I keep this list in the notes app on my phone, so they have to be. Where I’ve talked about a book in a post, I’ve tried to link to it.

Peruse, and if something catches your interest I hope you enjoy!

2020 Reading List

Crazy Rich Asians series, Kevin Kwan (here)

Blackwater, Michael McDowell (here; pulpy horror and southern gothic in one novel; come for the monster but stay for the family drama.)

Fire and Hemlock, Diane Wynne Jones (here; weird and thoughtful, in ways I’m still thinking about)

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (here; loved it! I can see why people glommed onto it)

Swamplandia!, Karen Russell (unfinished, I could not get past the first paragraph; just....no.)

Rules of Scoundrels series, Sarah MacLean (an enjoyable romp through classic romancelandia, though if you read through 4 back to back you realize that MacLean really only writes 1 type of relationship and 1 type of sexual encounter, though I do appreciate insisting that the hero go down first.)

The Bear and the Nightingale, Katherine Arden (here)

Dread Nation, Justine Ireland (great, put it with Stealing Thunder in terms of fun YA fantasy that makes everything less white and Eurocentric)

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (VERY good. haunting good.)

Tell My Horse, Zora Neale Hurston (I read an interesting critique of Hurston that said she stripped a lot of the radicalism out of black stories - these might be an example, or counterexample. I haven't decided yet.)

The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society, T. Kingfisher (fun!)

St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, Karen Russell (some of these short stories are wonderful; however, Swamplandia's inspiration is still unreadable, which is wild.)

17776, Jon Bois (made me cry. deeply human. A triumph of internet storytelling)

The Girl with All the Gifts, M. R. Carey (deeply enjoyable. the ending is a bittersweet kick in the teeth, and I really enjoyed the adults' relationships)

The Door in the Hedge and Other Stories, Robin McKinley (enjoyable, but never really resolved into anything.)

The Hero and the Crown, Robin McKinley (fun, but feels very early fantasy - or maybe I've just read too many of the subsequent knock-offs.)

Mrs. Caliban, Rachel Ingalls (weird little pulp novel.)

All Systems Red, Martha Wells (enjoyable, but I don't get the hype. won't be looking into the series unless opportunity arises.)

A People's History of Chicago, Kevin Coval (made me cry. bought a copy. am still thinking about it.)

The Sol Majestic, Ferrett Steinmetz (charming, a sf novel mostly about fine dining)

House in the Cerulean Sea, TJ Klune (immensely enjoyable read, for all it feels like fic with the serial numbers filed off)

The Au Pair, Emma Rous (not bad, but felt like it wanted to be more than it is)

The Night Tiger, Yangsze Choo (preferred this to Ghost Bride; I enjoy a well-crafted mystery novel and this delivered)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Le Guin (unfinished, I cannot fucking get into Le Guin and should really stop trying)

The Ghost Bride, Yangsze Choo (enjoyable, but not nearly as fun as Ghost Bride - the romance felt very disjointed, and could have used another round of editing)

Temptation's Darling, Johanna Lindsey (pure, unadulterated id in a romance novel, complete with a girl dressing as a boy to avoid detection)

Social Creature, Tara Isabella Burton (a strange, dark psychological portrait; really made a mark even though I can't quite put my finger on why)

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins (slow at first, but picks up halfway through and builds nicely; a whiff of Gone Girl with the staggered perspectives building together)

Stealing Thunder, Alina Boyden (fun Tortall vibes, but set in Mughal India)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant; The Monster Baru Commorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, Seth Dickinson (LOVE this, so much misery, terrible, ecstatic; more here)

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (epistolary love poetry, vicious and lovely; more here)

The Elementals, Michael McDowell

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir (didn't like this one as much as I thought I would; narrator's contemporary voice was so jarring against the stylized world and action sequences read like the novelization for a video game; more here)

Finna, Nino Cipri (a fun little romp through interdimensional Ikea, if on the lighter side)

Magic for Liars, Sarah Gailey (engrossing, even if I could see every plot twist coming from a mile away)

Desdemona and the Deep, C. S. E. Cooney (enjoyed the weirdness & the fae bits, but very light fare)

A Blink of the Screen, Terry Pratchett (admittedly just read this for the Discworld bits)

A Memory Called Empire, Arkady Martine (not as good about politics and colonialism as Baru, but still a powerful book about The Empire, and EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding that manages to be wholly alien and yet never heavily expositional)

Blackfish City, Sam J. Miller (see my post)

Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (didn't finish, got to to first explicit sex scene and couldn't get any further)

Prosper's Demon, KJ Parker (didn't work for me...felt like a short story that wanted to be fleshed out into a novel)

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (extremely fun, even for a reader who doesn't much like Napoleonic stories)

Three Parts Dead, Max Gladstone (fun romp - hard to believe that this is the same author as Time War though you can see glimmers of it in the imagery here)

A Scot in the Dark, Sarah MacLean (palette cleanser, she does write a good romance novel even it's basically the same romance novel over and over)

The Resurrectionist, E. B. Hudspeth (borrowed it on a whim one night, kept feeling like there was something I was supposed to /get/ about it, but never did - though I liked the Mutter Museum parallels)

Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (he's a better ideas guy than a writer, though Hell Is The Absence of God made my skin prickle all over)

Gods of Jade and Shadow, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fun, very much a throwback to my YA days of fairytale retellings, though obviously less European)

Four Roads Cross, Max Gladstone (it turns out I was a LOT more fond of Tara than I initially realized - plus this book had a good Pratchett-esque pacing and reliance on characterization)

Get in Trouble, Kelly Link (reading this after the Chiang was instructive - Link is such a better storyteller, better at prioritizing the human over the concept)

Gods Behaving Badly, Marie Phillips

Soulless; Changeless; Blameless, all by Gail Carriger (this series is basically a romance novel with some fantasy plot thrown in for fun; extremely charming and funny)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James (got about 1/3 of the way through and had to wave the white flag; will try again because I like the plot and the worldbuilding; the tone is just so hard to get through)

Pew, Catherine Lacey (a strange book, I'm still thinking about it; a good Southern book, though)

Nuremberg Diary, GM Gilbert (it took me two months to finish, and was worth it)

River of Teeth, Sarah Gailey (I wanted to like this one a lot more than I actually did; would have made a terrific movie but ultimately was not a great novel. Preferred Magic for Liars.)

Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (extremely fun, though more trippy than Gods and the plot didn't work as well for me - though it was very original)

The New Voices of Fantasy, Peter S. Beagle (collected anthology, with some favorites I've read before Ursula Vernon's "Jackalope Wives", "Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers" "The Husband Stitch"; others that were great new finds "Selkie Stories are for Losers" from Sofia Satamar and "A Kiss With Teeth" from Max Gladstone and "The Philosophers" from Adam Ehrlich Sachs)

#from the bookshelf #Anonymous

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brave-clarice · 3 years

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“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 2

Again, some extremely unfashionably late hot takes.

(Special thanks to @kathrynethegreat and @special-agent-pendragon for encouraging another liveblog!)

Clarice is working out! And eating junk food! I love it.

and cleaning her gun!

hey, Ardelia is drinking what I’m going to assume is her grandmother’s “smart people tea”.

Krendler disciplining Clarice already is infuriating but appropriate.

“I lost control.” Oh no, I don’t like that. Don’t make Clarice unstable. Her mental and emotional state never had anything to do with her failing career.

getting weird mixed signals from Ardelia. Last week, she obviously didn’t want Clarice to lie/stick to the script Krendler gave her, but now she’s telling Clarice she messed up by not doing so...?

“I better know you if you’re calling this early.” Amen, Ardelia.

I’m in love: this cinematography is straight out of the film (when she’s flying to WV with Crawford)!

“When’s the last time you went back to Appalachia?” “It’s been years.” What??? It has NOT been years--Clarice was JUST in West Virginia last week as well as in Silence, and she arguably attended college there as well. (UVA is at least nestled in the mountains, and you don’t have to drive far outside the Albemarle Valley to hit Appalachia proper.) After all the details about her character they’ve been nailing, they miss this glaring error?

I like the tiny details she’s noticing (like the guy biting his nails). Not only because she’s an investigator, but because it’s reminiscent of Hannibal’s influence (imo).

Clarice Is Short: The Saga continues

still not getting any creepy vibes off Krendler. He’s going to be much less effective as an antagonist if he isn’t lewd as well as a dick.

I really don’t care for the way the opening “credits” fade out from the death’s-head moth to Clarice’s face. There are MANY animals that represent her, or parts of her, in the books--lions, lambs, horses, and of course birds--so this choice feels empty and lazy to me.

also lazy: having a fellow agent straight-up tell her in episode 2 “you shouldn’t be in the Bureau.” Maybe in two or three years, after some further “Death Angel”-type incidents, I could see this blatant rudeness, but not yet.

“Reesey”? Thanks, I hate it.

this flashback must be of Clarice’s little brother. That answers one question I had last week. That said...Clarice’s brother doesn’t play the same role in her story that Mischa does in Hannibal’s--but this sure feels like a Mischa-esque flashback.

good: they’re finally getting to the source of Clarice’s actual trauma!

bad: this is NOT how Clarice found out about her father. In fact, that whole incident is laid out in detail in the novels, and there’s nothing overly literary/un-cinematic about it, so this feels unnecessary. “The police are here! Something happened to Daddy!” No, bad! Show, don’t tell!

she would’ve known better than to introduce herself to that kid as “Clarice Starling, FBI,” come on now.

were they regularly able to wire tap hair clips in 1993?

actually, nothing in this show looks very 90s to me so far. I’m sad about it.

so in eighteen months, Ruth Martin has gone from a junior Senator to the Attorney freakin’ General, and now she might run for governor?? At least let her get settled in one position of power first, why don’t you!

yet more Buffalo Bill flashbacks...alas.

are they trying to make this guy another surrogate Hannibal character? He’s commenting on Clarice’s accent and the dryness of her skin, asking about who she “left behind”...it all feels very Hannibal. (I know he’s a Charismatic Cult Leader trope, too--but when played off of Clarice...)

“Ew.” “I hate this guy.” I laughed.

I understand that Clarice probably feels conflicted re: her siblings in the book, but I’m really not digging the flashbacks of this Tim Burton character her brother.

@ the writers: Clarice already has the lamb backstory/symbolism, too. We don’t need this Little Brother stuff.

*shrieking* Mrs. Starling! At the sink washing the blood out of his hat!!!

...aaand they had to ruin it with the brother’s painfully bad dialogue. Will still be good for gif-making, though.

are we supposed to interpret all these flashbacks as Clarice being incapable of controlling her emotions/state of mind? She keeps losing herself in memories and emerging all doe-eyed and panicky. I don’t like it.

not to be a broken record but...Clarice should be TOUGH. Again, Ardelia only saw her cry once in seven years. But she’s more worked up in this scene than Jodie was in Memphis!

when Mr. Cult Leader shouts “Agent Starling! Agent Starling!” he sounds exactly like Hannibal calling her back to his cell in the asylum. That has to be intentional.

damn, wish that I could look as good five minutes after I’ve been crying as Clarice does.

I LOVE that Ardelia gets to be the crucial behind-the-scenes book-smart partner to Clarice’s action heroine.

AG Martin’s just playing politics by turning a blind eye to the crooked sheriff. But when her own daughter was just kidnapped and almost killed, she looks like a real hypocrite.

gosh, Rebecca Breeds is great. I already hope she gets nominated for an Emmy.

so Krendler is...doing the right thing???

Clarice’s father was definitely not a sheriff. I hope she’s just exaggerating for dramatic effect. (Maybe this will be clarified later.)

she couldn’t just sit with a manipulative guy without getting emotional, but she’s cool as a cucumber while telling an extended story about her father? HmmMM.

sometimes her mannerisms and facial expressions are so much like Jodie’s that it’s uncanny, like here when she leans forward to confront the Cult Leader.

“She did it.” Damn straight!

another great callback to Silence. this show’s camera crew knows its stuff!

“He’s concerned I have some residual trauma from Bill.” I. Hate. This. Subplot--and all its OOC implications.

“Catherine was close to her father, too.” Ooh, a nice allusion to the novel! Clarice makes note of their “common wound,” the loss of a father, when she’s in Catherine’s apartment in Silence.

she is just SO pretty.

little Clarice looks a LOT like Rebecca Breeds. I hope we see some more of her.

The Good:

the continuing visual nods to the Silence film via cinematography

Mama Starling!!!

Clarice’s “The World Will Not Be This Way Within the Reach of my Arm” attitude, refusing to leave without helping the victims.

Ardelia Mapp coming in clutch!

Clarice being, generally, a badass

and using psychological tricks/mind games to pin the antagonist...that’s the woman who disarmed a monster with just a few words.

Rebecca Breed’s acting has been phenomenal so far.

I like Clarice’s haircut a lot better when worn down (though it’s not very practical for fieldwork, so we probably won’t see it much).

The Bad:

the continuing Buffalo Bill-related Trauma Subplot. Ugh.

all the flashbacks to Clarice’s brother (and the not-so-subtle suggestion that her brother is, symbolically, another lamb).

will the real Paul Krendler please come forward? this guy is so TAME.

the other agents’ hostility towards Clarice needs to be toned down slightly so that it can escalate. Otherwise, where’s the tension?

is this actually 1993? I’m not feeling it. Shouldn’t it have a little of that Season 1/2 X-Files aesthetic? Please give me more than once-an-episode references to pagers and fax machines!

that glaring Appalachia continuity error...it’s still bugging me.

I missed the overt Hannibal references, even though they’re not necessary to any part of this episode. A lady can dream!

Overall, I really liked this one despite my various issues with it. It started shakily but built to a great finish. The emphasis across both episodes on Clarice being in the FBI not just to “get out, get anywhere,” but out of a genuine desire to help victims has been wonderful. I just hope they don’t swerve too far into the “too traumatized and emotionally compromised to function” lane. It would be a disservice to Clarice’s character and to her journey (and would smack too much of “Hannibal really did prey on her weak mind/brainwash her”.

Things I’d still like to see: More of her personality. Her hobbies and interests. That she’s cleaning her gun is great! Now let’s see “Poison Oakley” practicing her sharpshooting skills. Or car shopping. Or clothes shopping to show off her “developing taste.” (Ardelia can come!) I’ll take literally anything. Give us more of Clarice’s sense of humor as well. She had some subtle funny moments in the pilot, and it’s nice to see Rebecca smile for a change.

And Krendler? Smear that man in grease! I appreciated a happy ending even though Clarice’s career is, as we know, already in a downward spiral--the last thing we want is for every episode to be a slog, especially when a good chunk of the audience hasn’t read the book and doesn’t know Clarice is doomed to fail in the Bureau.

However... Krendler’s not a “redemption arc” kind of character. Or even a “run-of-the-mill sexist asshole” character. This is a man who spent seven years systematically sabotaging a young woman’s career because a) he was jealous that she solved the Gumb case before him, and b) she wouldn’t fuck him. He was a Justice Department official working fist-in-glove with a serial child molester who was planning some of the heinous vigilante justice imaginable. THAT’S why his very gruesome end at Hannibal’s hands felt deserved--even Clarice thought so! In short, he needs to get nasty.

Anyway, thanks for coming to another long-overdue TedTalk. Fingers crossed that the next one will be more timely (aiming for Sunday night)!

#Clarice Starling #clarice #cbs clarice #rebecca breeds #once again I apologize for how late this is #and how long and somewhat ranty lol #please let me know if you want more ♥♥♥#media [cbs show]#char [clarice starling]

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jovialyouthmusic · 4 years

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Special Delivery

Fabio moves in, and Martin questions my judgement.

Word Count 2987

A/N Just a fluffy piece of self indulgence. A few swear words.

No under 18s please

7 A New Lodger

The morning dawned bright with autumn sunshine, and I woke to find Ginger on the bedroom windowsill looking longingly out at the field behind the house.

‘Sorry Ginge’ I apologised. ‘It’ll be a while before you get to explore.’ He turned back to me, making a noise that told me he was a little disgruntled before he jumped down to demand breakfast. ‘Well it’s a good job you like Fabricio, he’ll be moving in today’ I said, leaning down to scratch his head, and he rose up to meet my hand and leaned heavily on my leg as if to say less talk, more food.

As I left him to scarf up his kibble, my phone dinged with a message from Martin.

Hey Lisa, Sue’s out for the day, want me to come up and do some gardening?

I’ll be busy today, soz

Well duh, was offering to help. I have cake.

I looked at the phone and sighed. Martin would find out sooner or later, so I’d better call, I thought. He picked up almost instantly.

‘Hey Martin, we need to talk.’

‘I can be there in ten.’ he replied eagerly, scenting gossip.

‘I – uh, I’ll be out in half an hour, that won’t work.’ Martin’s tone changed.

‘Okay Lisa, what have you done?’ he said darkly.

‘Funny story.’ I laughed apologetically ‘My friend slash brother is gong to be my new lodger.’ I heard him suck his breath in.

‘Please tell me you mean at Jackson street – no, wait – that would make him a tenant. For fucks sake Leese, he’s moving in with you?’

‘Kind of.’

‘He either is or he isn’t. Shit, you only met him less than a week ago.’

‘Please don’t freak, Martin. It will be fine. Ginger likes him, and he’s a great judge of character.’

‘Ginger also likes chasing mice and leaving their corpses by your bed.’ he scolded ‘This guy delivers pizza for fuck’s sake.’

‘Okay, if you’re going to carry on being negative I’m going to cut you off.’ I took a deep breath as Martin remained silent. ‘It’s just a temporary thing, he’s looking for modelling jobs. It’s what he does, he’ll be off on a shoot for a few days and then come back. He just ran short of funds and had to hole up for a while. This way he has somewhere nice to live and will be able to make more money before he goes home.’

‘Why don’t you just rent him your old place?’ Martin asked.

‘It’s not ready yet, and it would be too expensive.’ I paused for a moment, and he waited, the silence oozing sceptiscism. ‘It’s different here Mar, the neighbours are too far away to notice if I fall down the stairs, break my neck and Ginge decides I’m dinner. I’d feel safer having someone around. I was going to advertise for a lodger anyway. This way I have someone to help out straight away.’

‘Right. Did he pressure you into this, Leese? Because that’s manipulative.’

‘No, he didn’t. It was my idea. He did say he was getting bad vibes off some of the others in his building, but that was after I offered.’

‘Think hard now, Leese.’ Martin persisted ‘No big hints, no puppy dog eyes?’

‘Puppies have brown eyes, Mar. Fabio’s eyes are grey.’

‘You know damn well what I mean.’

‘No, no hints, no pleading, no sob story. I’ll be fetching him soon. He’s got Dad’s old bike and he’ll take that to work and back.’

‘Well I suppose it’s too late to stop you.’ he said reluctantly ‘But the moment anything seems off – anything negative, let me know. I’m going to be checking up on you – every day, you hear me?’

‘As long as it doesn’t trigger Sue.’

‘To hell with Sue. If she doesn’t understand…’ he paused ‘Look, I can still come over today, so he knows I’ve got your back.’

‘If you want to bring over a housewarming present I guess I couldn’t stop you. Even if it’s only a pot plant.’

‘Cake.’ he said assertively. ‘How does two this afternoon suit you?’

‘I can make sure we’re in – I’ll make like it’s a surprise.’

‘That sounds like a cunning plan. Okay Les, see you later.’

-------

Fabio rang me later, and I went to his flat to pick him up. He was waiting outside with a large wheeled suitcase and his backpack. I got out to open the boot, and he came round to swing his suitcase in before lightly touching my shoulder and kissing me on the cheek.

‘Gracias, Lisa.’ he smiled ‘This means so much to me. I love to stay with people who live in the places I visit.’

‘De nada.’ I said, and he grinned even wider as I told him you’re welcome in his native language.

‘Your accent is very English.’ he said. ‘But I also have an accent, so we are even.’ He smiled ‘Wait a moment please, there is something else’ He vanished back into the house and came out again holding a large bunch of flowers. I blushed furiously as he handed them to me and again kissed me on the cheek.

‘Oh Fabio you shouldn’t have’ I protested. His lips lingered near my ear for a moment, sending shivers down my spine.

‘I have a bottle of wine in my bag. Tonight we get drunk together, no?’ I laughed nervously.

‘Just a little.’

‘Si, solo un poco, just a little.’ He pulled away and I put the flowers carefully onto the back seat. We got into the car and belted ourselves in before setting off. he leaned back in his seat and watched the passing streets.

‘How was the gym?’

‘Muy bueno. Very good, my belly will be flat soon, you will see.’ he said, patting his stomach. I swallowed at the thought of his muscled torso. ‘How is your cat? Is he happy in his new home?’

‘He wants to go outside.’ I said, glad of the distraction. ‘He has to stay in – you must be careful when we get there. Don’t open the kitchen door until the porch door is closed, and don’t leave your window open.’

‘Cómo no – of course.’ he replied. ‘Tonight we eat together, yes?’

‘Yes, I thought perhaps some salmon and salad, will that suit you?’

‘Muy Beuno, delicioso.’

‘Ginger will be happy, he loves fish.’

Once at the house, Fabio took his suitcase into his room and I put the kettle on for tea.

‘I’ve got some soup for lunch, you can have some if you like.’ I offered as he came out of his room a little while later. He accepted, and I set about getting things ready. Ginger came down from the upstairs bedroom and rubbed himself around Fabricio’s legs.

‘Can I pick him up?’ he asked. ‘He won’t bite?’

‘No, Ginge is very chilled – relaxed. If he wriggles put him down.’ The cat allowed himself to be hoisted up and started to purr as Fabio scratched his chin and ears.

‘We get on well, you and I.’ Fabio said ‘together, we look after Lisa, yes?’ Ginger wriggled, and he put him carefully back on the floor.

‘I think it’s me looking after you two.’ I joked as I handed him the bread to take through to the dining room.

‘We all look after each other then.’ he smiled. We sat and ate lunch quietly.

‘Is there anything you want to do today?’ I asked ‘There’s a wood nearby, we could go for a walk, and perhaps tomorrow we could go out to the coast.’

‘There are beaches?’

‘Yes, but it’s too late in the year and too cold to sunbathe or go swimming. It’s mostly estuary here anyway.’

‘Estuary?’

‘Where the rivers go into the sea. It’s tidal, not proper seaside.’

‘Ah entiendo – I understand.’ He reached out to take my empty bowl and stood to take the dishes to the kitchen. ‘We walk later – now I must read my emails and send one to my mother.’

‘The internet’s all set up, I’ll give you the password.’

‘Let me wash up, senora.’ he said, and I blinked at the formality of ‘senora’, but said nothing.

‘Okay, just leave it to drain and I’ll put it away. I have some sorting to do upstairs. Remember, don’t let Ginger out.’

‘Lo siento. Call me when you are ready.’

Once upstairs I spent some time sorting out clothes, and calculated when to go out so that we would be back before Martin came. I decided not to leave it to chance and texted him to delay him a little longer, then went down to find no trace of my lodger, so I tapped on his door.

‘If you’d like, we can go out now.’ I suggested. He appeared quickly, pulling on a jacket and holding a pair of boots to replace his trainers.

‘It’s not such a tough walk as the hills.’ I explained ‘But if you wanted to go running it’s a good route.’ We set off down a nearby side road until we hit the entrance to the wood, and turned off to take the path. He agreed that it was an excellent place for running, save for the odd dog walker who had omitted to clear up after their pet. We were out for just less than an hour, turning back when the sky started to darken and arriving back as the first drops of rain started to fall.

‘Lisa.’ Fabio said ‘We should talk more about me being here.’ I felt a little thrill as we stood together in the kitchen, me fussing with cups ready to make more tea, more to occupy myself than anything else, feeling a little awkward. Martin would make an appearance soon, I thought.

‘Oh yes?’ I asked ‘What did you want to say?’ He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back on the kitchen counter.

‘Well’ he said ‘I said I want to be more than a brother to you.’ I tried to keep my expression neutral, wondering where he was going with the conversation, a sick excited feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I hadn’t answered him, he went on ‘Before you invited me to live here’ he continued.

‘Yes, that’s so.’ I responded, and he stood clear of the counter.

‘I don’t want you to be uncomfortable’ he said, holding his palms out to me ‘I would never do anything you don’t like.’ My heart hammered in my chest. ‘You have no boyfriend?’ he asked as I remained silent, mind whirling. ‘Do you like men? Did someone hurt you?’ I laughed awkwardly.

‘That’s a lot of questions.’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘No, I have no-one special right now, yes I do like men - and no, nobody hurt me. I’ve had – a few relationships but nothing that lasted more than a year or so.’

‘You look for your someone special?’ he asked ‘Someone who’s not just staying for a few months?’

‘I don’t know’ I said ‘I’ve not had much luck so far. I think – Fabio, it’s not easy. My heart tells me one thing and my head another.’

‘Your heart tells you what?’ he smiled. I felt a little dizzy.

‘It tells me…’ at that moment the doorbell rang, and I jumped violently.

‘Hey Leese!’ Martin’s voice came from outside the porch. I was frozen for a moment, and Fabio looked startled. I tore my gaze away from him to go and answer ‘I was just passing, can I come in? I brought cake to celebrate your move.’ Martin said, winking broadly. I cursed his sense of timing and plastered a smile onto my face.

‘Martin, what a surprise. We were just making tea.’

‘We?’ he asked innocently, handing me a box.

‘Umm yeah – you met Fabio.’ I lead him into the kitchen and Fabio shifted self consciously, flashing his white toothed smile. ‘He’s my new lodger.’ The two men shook hands.

‘Hello again.’ said Martin ‘You’re a lucky man, finding a place like this to stay – and Lisa, of course. How did you meet again?’

‘Now come on Martin.’ I said ‘I know how you take your tea. Go through into the lounge and I’ll put this out onto a plate.’

‘Excuse me.’ Fabio said. ‘I go to the bathroom, wash my hands.’

‘Here, let me see to the cake.’ said Martin loudly as Fabio left the kitchen.

‘Well that was fucking subtle.’ I hissed at him ‘asking him how we met. I don’t want you to scare him, just be polite and interested.’

‘You know how I feel, Leese’ he answered in a low tone.

‘Well your timing was just great, Einstein. Here, take the cake through, we’ll have it in the lounge.’ In minutes we were all seated, Martin on one end of the couch and Fabio at the other, the cake and plates on the coffee table. Martin sat back, foot balanced on his knee, and Fabio leaned toward me, elbows on his knees. I took a slice of the cake and offered it to Fabio

‘Just a little.’ he said. ‘remember, I must look good for work.’

‘It’s easy to work this stuff off.’ Martin assured him ‘special low calorie stuff.’ I snorted

‘He’s lying.’ I sighed.

‘Joking, not lying’ he retorted.

‘So, Lisa didn’t tell me very much about you’’ Fabio said, regarding the cake before turning to Martin and asking ‘How did you meet?’ I laughed.

‘Well played, Fabio. We met at Tai Chi class, and Martin also did yoga. He takes his own classes now, in Ashtanga yoga’ Martin sat up straight and puffed his chest out a little.

‘Oh, my brother’s sister does Ashtanga’ Fabio said. ‘Es muy dificil – very difficult. You must be very fit to teach it.’ Martin smirked a little, his ego stoked.

‘Oh, do you do yoga?’ he asked in a slightly superior tone.

‘No, I go to the gym, I run.’ he replied. At that moment Ginger came into the room, obviously disturbed from a nap by our voices.

‘Hey little man.’ Martin said. ‘How’re you enjoying your new home?’

‘He’s not allowed out yet.’ I explained.

‘Oh bad luck, fuzzface’ he said, reaching down to scratch his head. Ginger ducked away from him and sat by me, regarding the cake with interest.

‘No cake for you.’ I said ‘If you’re staying in, you’re not getting enough exercise, so short rations I’m afraid.’

‘Oh pobre gato.’ poor cat Fabio said, reaching out with his hand and flicking his fingers. Ginger went over to him for some attention and sympathy.

‘Well will you look at that.’ said Martin. ‘the little fella likes you.’ Fabio shrugged

‘Cats like me. Ginger is muy chulo – a cool cat.’

‘El gato churo?’ I asked. Fabricio threw back his head and laughed.

‘I am here to learn English better, not teach Spanish.’ He turned his gaze to mine ‘Have you been to Espana, Lisa? It is a beautiful place. I go to Madrid, to Barcelona. Muy hermoso’

‘No, I’ve not travelled outside Britain, I get stressed out travelling.’ His face fell.

‘Oh but travelling is so exciting.’

‘I love going to new places, it’s getting there that I’m not keen on.’ I explained ‘I’m scared that I’ll miss my flight or get lost.’

‘That is very sad.’ he said, then his face lit up ‘You should come with me on a shoot, I look after you.’ Martin cleared his throat and glared at me.

‘Well I need to get Ginger settled before…’ my voice trailed away.

‘Is just an idea.’ Fabio said, and took a bite of the cake. ‘This is good.’ he waved it at Martin. ‘You make this?’ Martin made a sour face.

‘No, my partner did. Stress baking.’ he looked at his own slice and took a bite ‘I think she makes it to make me fat so I can’t teach yoga. Most of my students are women, and she’s very possessive.’ Fabio’s eyes widened for a moment. He reached over and patted Martin’s knee sympathetically.

‘That is too bad. Take her some flowers, make her feel special.’ Martin’s eyes flicked to the flowers in the window, the ones that Fabio had bought for me.

‘She’d just think I’d done something bad and was trying to compensate.’ he sighed ‘Honestly Leese, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I can see me moving back in with my parents.’

‘I have a spare house for rent.’ I grinned. He rolled his eyes.

‘I’ll stick it out a bit longer, thanks.’ We all chatted on, and the atmosphere settled to a relaxed ambience, albeit with a few undercurrents. Before long we had finished the cake and tea, and Martin announced he had better go back before Sue got home. I walked out with him to his car, the grass wet from the rain shower earlier.

‘Well I guess either he is a nice guy, or he’s not shown his true colours’ Martin said ‘But did you see how he put his hand on my knee earlier? Gay.’ I snorted.

‘It’s just his Latino mannerisms.’ I reassured him. ‘You can’t judge him by our buttoned up British standards.’ He tutted, then threw his arms wide for a bear hug. I leaned into him, feeling his reassuring solidity. He drew away and smiled ruefully.

‘You take care, Lisa. Any funny business, any steps out of line and call me. I’ll be here in a shot, never mind Sue.’

‘Thanks, but I don’t think it’ll be necessary.’ I assured him. ‘I’ll keep you updated.’ He got in the car and wound down his window.

‘Knickers on, legs crossed.’ he told me gravely before he reversed, turned, and pulled out carefully onto the road and I waved him goodbye.

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lunapaper · 3 years

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Album Review: 'Justice' - Justin Bieber

So did Justin Bieber change direction? Will he do his latest album... justice?

Uh...

Released a mere 13 months after the bland and tiresome Changes, the Canadian singer delivers yet another set of mawkish love ballads and Top 40-baiting pop to remind us all once again that he really, really, truly, madly, deeply loves his wife Hailey Baldwin and of his commitment to God.

On ‘Deserve You,’ he admits: ‘When I'm in my thoughts sometimes/It's hard to believe I'm the person you think I am/The person that you tell me you love.’ He’s even ‘off my face in love with you,’ replacing one vice for another as he finds himself stoned after one touch of Mrs Bieber. On the skittering, soaring ‘Ghost,’ he vows: ‘If I can't be close to you/I'll settle for the ghost of you.’

Bieber also pledges to die for her, to walk through fire ‘even if your kiss would kill me,’ on ‘Somebody,’ be the shoulder for her to cry on, and even calls he ‘the only good thing I’ve ever done’ on ‘Anyone’ as they dance under a sky full of diamonds.

‘Love You Different,’ however, leaves nothing to the imagination: ‘Under covers ain’t no rubbers/ On this planet I’ll treat you like a mother/ Let’s make babies.’

If it was just a couple of love songs dedicated to his wife, it’d be fine, but one after the other, at this level of co-dependency and self-loathing from a now 27-year-old Bieber, is just suffocating and kind of frightening. Then again, Homer did say complete and utter dependence is a ‘wonderous, marvellous thing’...

The breezy ‘Peaches,’ meanwhile (ft. Daniel Caesar and Giveon) is carefully tailored to be a potential Song of the Summer, this time praising Georgia-grown produce and California weed alongside his wife. It’s like a more grown-up version of that ‘you gotta keep your head up, oh-woah’ song, with just a dash of Maroon 5’s ‘Sunday Morning.’

Then there’s previous single ‘Holy’ (ft. fellow wife-lover, Chance the Rapper), a sweeping gospel pop ode sampling, of all things, Elvis’ ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love with You,’ that sees Bieber ‘runnin' to the altar like a track star.’ But this goofy eagerness for The Lord is outmatched by some even goofier lines from Chance, like this one: ‘Life is short with a temper like Joe Pesci.’ As both an Italian and a music lover, I just can’t abide. Then again, Chance really doesn’t like criticism, so that probably explains its first draft-like quality....

Look, I have no problem with religion or spirituality of any kind (Except for Hillsong, ‘cos fuck Hillsong, fuck Morrison and fuck prosperity gospel). I don’t even consider myself an atheist. It can help provide guidance and comfort in troubling times, as it’s done for Bieber. It’s also quite ironic that I post this review on Good Friday... But like a lot of born-again types, he must espouse his religious beliefs at every single turn, in the most preachy and insufferable way possible; there's just no in between.

Justice also sees Bieber attempt to restyle himself as some sort of humanitarian – by sampling the powerful words of Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

But rather than use them to speak out against racial injustice or police brutality, they’re merely used to prop up Bieber’s overwrought declarations of love on piano ballad ‘2 Much’ and on an interlude halfway through the album... which is immediately followed by ‘Die For You’ (ft. Dominic Fike), dedicated yet again to Hailey.

Although he admits that ‘I know that I cannot simply solve injustice by making music, but I do know that if we all do our part by using our gifts to serve this planet, and each other, that we are that much closer to being united,’ Bieber’s social conscience rings hollow, nothing but a gross, vapid, self-indulgent attempt to capture the cultural zeitgeist. It's corporate brand wokeness; the bare minimum when it typically comes to celebrity activism. Or maybe this is some weird way of atoning for the awfulness of ‘Yummy’ and trying to game the Spotify algorithm. That he didn’t anticipate such backlash in the first place is also pretty galling.

Even the album’s title is perplexing: What justice is Bieber fighting for, exactly? The right to bone Hailey Baldwin? The right to dedicate soppy ballads to her?

But, like Changes, there are a few diamonds in the rough.

The hazy, drum-powered atmospherics of ‘Deserve You’ could’ve easily sat alongside Purpose’s biggest hits, like a softer, slower take on Jason Derulo’s ‘Cheyenne.’ ‘Unstable’ (ft. The Kid LAROI) is sparse and ghostly with those ‘Another Day in Paradise’-like vibes.

‘Die For You’s intensity is matched by punchy 80s synths. ‘Somebody’ (produced by Skrillex) is also urgent and feverish, given some extra grit with some power pop riffs and murky percussion, while the glitchy ‘Love You Different’ (ft. BEAM) is as bold and vibrant as ‘Sorry,’ combining garage-inspired beats with dancehall swagger.

If Bieber had just stripped away all the cheesy ballads and stuck with the 80s synthpop, he probably could’ve turned Justice into his very own After Hours (not nearly as good, mind you, but still better than... this).

Justice is not nearly as profound as Justin Bieber thinks it is, his latest album once again let down by cheesy, uninspired lyrics and a lack of focus as he relies on a grab bag of styles: early MTV-style New Wave, tropical pop, RnB, pop rock. Although the acoustic ballads are, thankfully, kept to a minimum and the production is just as slick, with much stronger collaborators for the singer to bounce off (Then again, just about anyone is an improvement on fuckin’ Lil Dicky...)

Like Changes, it’s also about five or six tracks too long. Hell, there’s no less than four deluxe editions of Justice: The Target Exclusive, The Walmart Exclusive, The Alternate Version (featuring one extra track), and The Triple Chucks Deluxe. It’s so fuckin’ shameless, but what do you expect from the guy who released ‘Yummy’?

His quest for TikTok notoriety blew up in his face. His attempt to ‘continue the conversation of what justice looks like’ is hollow and plain tone-deaf. His syrupy, obsessive odes to his wife have more than grown thin at this point. If he doesn’t gain some self-awareness soon, then It’s hard to know just where Bieber goes from here...

- Bianca B.

#music #justin bieber #justice #new #reviews #albums #Bianca B

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irwinkitten · 5 years

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knockout round | a.i

(gif credit to @asht0ns-world )

pairing: reader x boxer!ashton notes: so the who do you love video lowkey inspired this. even tho the majority of the video is lowkey pointless, the looks that ashton was giving the camera gave me such a boxer!ash vibe and lets be real i’m a hoe for possessive and jealous ash. thank u to @asht0ns-world @singledadharrington, @gorgeouslygrace, @sugarcoated-pain and @5sosnsfw for letting me throw out my ideas of this and killing you all with the potential plot ideas. also thank u christa for being the best cheerleader, i love u angel. and massive thank u to lena for finding the gif bc my laptop has issues warnings: violence, smut word count: 3.1k!!

---

Boxing had always been apart of Ashton’s life. He’d never really known a part of his life without it.

As a child, his temperament was always short. Teachers called him the problem child and people never wanted to be his friend. But he still managed to find three friends and forge a tight bond with them that people often called them brothers without even realising there was no familial resemblance to the quartet.

When his mother had enrolled him into boxing classes, after expressing an interest in the programs that he watched with his parents, they soon realised that with the lessons that he went to, his anger simmered down and his fuse seemed to get longer with each passing year.

By the time that Ashton had reached his late teens, he was the lightweight champion of the area. As he continued to grow, put on the muscle, and move up in the divisions, he was making a name for himself. He was one that wasn’t to be messed with.

As his name gained traction with the media, so did stories of his childhood, his anger. And he was a lot more honest about his childhood than most boxers.

“I had a good environment. But I have anger issues and I know that I have them. It’s taken years of hard work to get to where I am today, but I know that the driving force has always been my anger. It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

His competitors could never find his achilles heel. His love life was never a subject that he talked or posted about, and despite a few competitors going below the belt and making remarks about his mother that would’ve angered any man, he’d held his cool and then thoroughly beaten them the next day.

When she came into his life, it was steady. She’d just come from a bad relationship, her heart in tatters and the two of them shopping late night. He’d been running for last minute prep and she’d decided to drown her sorrows in alcohol and ice cream. She knew his name, knew his title that he held in the boxing world.

But she didn’t care. All she cared about was he’d picked up the last tub of her favourite ice cream and just at her absolutely defeated look, it prompted him to offer her a deal.

“Let me at least take you out somewhere for the day where we can be kids again. I’ve got some days off coming up anyway.”

His words had prompted the smallest of smiles as she accepted his offer as he handed her the ice cream and she gave him her number, under the stipulation that he wouldn’t be creepy about it.

And despite giving her a mock offended look, he understood her wariness of giving her number to someone who was essentially a complete stranger.

From then on, she became a rock in his life who seemed to have his back regardless. His three friends from childhood who’d all become apart of his management team as he gained status with his boxing, noticed how he was always in better moods, he stuck to the plans before fights and before long the friendship blossomed into a relationship that he was protective of.

But of course, whilst in the media spotlight, he knew that keeping such a relationship quiet was always going to be impossible.

But the day that it’d been announced that he was against her ex, the very one who left her a broken woman in the ice cream aisle, he knew that this fight was going to be important, whether she acknowledged it or not, this was payback for hurting the beautiful woman he was resolutely in love with.

He’d never been so revved for a match before.

Ashton knew that she was worried, that her bottom lip would be shredded beyond belief from her teeth. But he wasn’t.

Dean Martin has gone the wrong way to rile him up, to use his girl as verbal bait. And hearing the derogatory terms, Ashton wasn’t too sure if he was grateful that Calum’s hand on his bicep reminded him where he was, or if he was still annoyed over it.

He was certainly annoyed that the hand turned into a restraining arm when Martin had made a comment of bedding his girl, with or without her permission. He’d seen red and as rage flooded his body, his muscles locked up, ready to pound the fucker down.

Calum had hastily pulled Ashton away from his opponent, opting to keep the distance between them so that Ashton wouldn’t be tempted to knock Martin out before the match.

The headlines went wild with those shots and the look of undiluted rage on Ashton’s features. People were very quickly realising that even he has his limits and Dean Martin had managed to break those limits clean.

Being with her before the match, his hands were firmly around her waist as she stood between his legs. Despite his trainer telling him no distractions, she was never a distraction. Only an anchor. And right now he needed to ground himself because the last thing he wanted to do was lose this fight to someone like Dean Martin.

“Baby, you’ve got this fight in the bag.” She hummed softly, her lips ghosting across his cheek. Ashton sighed.

“I hate the fact that it’s your ex I’m fighting.” He finally admitted and she sighed, her fingers running through his hair. His eyes fell shut of their own accord, her touch soothing the rage that was bubbling under the surface. Martin’s comments still rang in his ears.

“He wasn’t a good man. You’re the better man, better partner.” The words were soft, almost caressing his soul and he felt reassured.

“Only because of you, sweet girl. I’m better because of you.” Her lips curved up into a wry grin as she leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I’m proud of you Ash. You’ve got this fight in the bag, and if that boy tries what he did for the weigh in, I won’t be angry or upset. Lord knows you’ve told me time and again that anyone disrespecting me within earshot of you will earn them either a verbal lashing or a physical one depending on their words.” Her tone was teasing, reminding him that she wouldn’t be angry with him.

It’d been an issue at first, his verbal and physical responses to people being either disrespectful or derogatory about his girl. But only when he told her his reasons, how he was raised to respect a woman, regardless of any kinds of relationship, she understood that it was something that he could tone down but not necessarily control.

And they compromised on it. He tried to keep it to verbal smackdowns, and only if someone threw the first punch, did he defend himself. His reputation grew within months and soon when they’d been together for two years, he was at the top of his career.

“Irwin, ten minutes. Your girl needs to go.” Calum had re-entered the locker room, giving her a brief smile. “Seats for you are close to ringside. He’s on the blue corner.” She nodded, pressing another gentle kiss to his forehead before making her way, ruffling Calum’s hair as she did.

Ashton laughed at the disgruntled look on Calum’s face and he could feel his body begin to gear as he did the last minute stretches.

“Martin’s going to hit hard and fast. You need to be swift. Don’t use everything you have until he starts to wear down.” Ashton nodded, focusing on the aspect of the fight, rather than who he was fighting. He couldn’t let his anger cloud his judgement or moves, not so early on into the match.

Calum was soon hustling him to the entrance corner, both of them knocking fists together before he rushed ahead to prep his area. As the music began playing, he pulled the silk robe on, the hood falling just over his eyes as he made his way out, loud screams causing a smirk to slip on his features as he began the walk through, Luke and Michael following behind at this point and keeping people on the floor seats from mobbing him.

Martin was stood scowling, doing a last minute stretch as his gloves were being put on. Once Ashton was in the ring, Calum was there, pulling the robe off and getting the gloves onto his wrapped up hands.

“Remember, you might be fucking angry with him, but I swear to god Irwin, if you let this fucker beat you, I’ll kick your ass myself.” This caused Ashton to crack a smile before Calum put the mouth guard in and Ashton went and met the ref in the middle. He and Martin touched gloves before the bell went and the first swing came from Martin, aiming for the jaw, causing Ashton to bend backwards to avoid getting clocked.

The noise was deafening and Ashton knew his focus was slipping as Martin landed in some good punches. It was getting close and he could feel himself dropping as he lost the round, his lip bloody and a cut on his cheek, half staggering back to Calum who seemed to be trying his best not to berate him.

But then she was there beside Calum, her hands on his cheeks once he’d been checked over.

“Do me proud, Ashton Fletcher. I know you can beat him.” And his second wind came as the next round got ready.

“Gonna let your bitch lean over for me later when I win? It’s all she ever really was good for.” The comment was crass, but the fuse was lit.

“Irwin, don’t let anger cloud your judgement here.” Calum snapped harshly. The last thing they needed was his focus to be lost, but if anything, his focus was sharpening. And he could feel the anger bubble under his skin.

“C’mon Irwin. Make sure to share the spoils. I mean, she’s second hand goods, surely you’re not still with her?” Ashton’s eyes caught hers and he could see she’d heard his calls. His fuse seemingly got shorter as he gave her a reassuring smile, taking the offered water and taking a few seconds to calm his racing heart.

“How about this, I share her with some buddies and drop her back to you. She might be in reasonable condition if she doesn’t fight like she used to. Always feisty until I got her to see sense, if you catch my drift.” The smirk on Martin’s lips as the words left his mouth snapped something inside of Ashton and the anger that had been bubbling, flooded.

And he was furious.

The bell went and Ashton immediately had Martin on his back foot, unable to even get close for a hit as Ashton’s fists repeatedly went for him, reminding himself to not murder his opponent.

It didn’t take long before there became a real look of fear in Martin’s eyes and Ashton felt no ounce of sympathy as he landed a knockout and the crowd roared in approval. It didn’t take long before the last round was won and his arm was being raised, a bruised rib protesting as he was handed the belt and his lips curved into the widest smirk.

Martin was lucky to get away with the injuries that he got. Two visible black eyes, a few cuts and Ashton was almost certain he managed to at least fracture a rib with the force of his hit at one point. Part of him wished that he broke something clean but he’d take what he could get in this fight. Knowing that he’d gotten what he deserved, settled the anger to a simmer, the adrenaline still flooding his body.

As he exited the ring, he couldn’t stop himself from pulling his girl into his side, his lips meeting hers in a soft, sweet kiss, ignoring the disappointed noises. Once he pulled away, his gaze moved to Martin, staring at him out, his grip only getting marginally tighter until he left the opposite side.

Ashton retreated back to his side, his arms still firmly around her as the medic double checked the rib to make sure it was only bruised and not broken, before clearing him to go and get cleaned up.

She didn’t protest as he pulled her with, her back pressed against the cold tiles as his lips met her neck, the hot water beating down on his back.

“All mine to care for, to love on.” He murmured against her skin, lips and teeth gently pulling at the skin. Her fingers lifted up to run through his hair, gripping the damp strands gently.

“All yours.” She whispered in return, a sharp gasp escaping as his lips had moved to her breasts, his teeth pulling on one nipple carefully as his hand worked the other. She was whining softly, his name escaping occasionally.

His lips moved from her breasts, trailing down as he got to his knees, a whine escaping her lips.

“Shouldn’t it be me rewarding you, handsome?” He shook his head at her words, moving her fingers back to his hair.

“All about you tonight, doll.” She was about to argue, but his tongue licked a stripe up her folds, a startled noise escaping her instead as she gripped his hair, his lips attaching to her clit. He worked two fingers inside of her as he nipped and sucked on her clit, the noises were somewhat beautiful sounds to his ears as she got closer to her orgasm.

Her fingers got tighter around his hair as she called out his name, his lips immediately beginning a journey back up her body slowly sliding his fingers out as he stood up, lifting his fingers to her lips, tapping them gently.

They parted under his touch and her tongue swirled around his digits, a groan escaping his lips as she cleaned them. He wasted no time as he pulled them free, his lips meeting hers as he lined up against her entrance.

“You’re far too good to me, princess.” He groaned as he slid in, her legs lifting off the ground to wrap around his waist. His hands immediately moved to cup her ass as his hips began to move against hers, moans escaping the both of them.

He knew that he wasn’t going to last too long, not with the protesting rib, so one hand slid from her ass, moving to her clit as he picked up his pace. Her words were half begging, incoherent as he brought her closer and closer to the edge.

As she came, her eyes falling shut, his head dropped to her shoulder as he reached his own orgasm, her name tumbling from his lips like a prayer, her fingers still working through his hair, their breathing heavy as he pressed gentle kisses on the marks he’d left on her skin.

“I love it when you mark me like that. I know I’m always yours, but seeing them, just sets my insides on fire.” She murmured as he pulled out from her, finally allowing her under the stream of hot water. She kept her hair from the stream of the water as she allowed it to hit her skin.

“Just as I’m yours, sweet girl. I’m sorry if I hurt you though.” His fingers ghosted across the red marks left by his fingers, and she shook her head at him.

“You of all people know that I love seeing them.” She murmured as she reached over, taking the shampoo and working it into his hair. His eyes fell shut at her ministrations and didn’t argue with her. She always told him she loved seeing the marks, but sometimes it didn’t stop the guilt flooding him.

He worked the shower gel along her body as she conditioned his hair. They worked in silence until she’d gotten the suds of the shower gel off his body. His hands switched the water off as her lips slowly moved across from his shoulder, along his collarbone before finding the junction of his neck and shoulder, trailing her lips along the column of his throat.

A soft noise escaped his lips as she reached his jaw, before her lips reached his once more, her hands taking a hold of his head, her palms firmly planted against his cheeks. He knew better than to look away from her when she was this determined.

“I love you, Ashton Irwin, and that won’t ever change. We have words for a reason, and you know I use them. Please don’t beat yourself up, sweetheart.” His lips met hers briefly before a sigh escaped.

“Sorry angel.”

“Your forgiven. Now, we need to get ready and head back home. I know that the boys will want to at least spend a quiet night in celebrating with you.” Her voice held amusement, knowing that despite her want for the two of them to continue their own celebrations, the other three would deliberately ruin that.

Ashton laughed.

“They’re too frightened to cross you, y’know. If you said that you were taking me home, they wouldn’t argue.” He commented as the two stepped from the shower and dried off. She lifted her shoulders into a shrug as she got re-dressed.

“I know, but I don't want them bitching at me, because I want days with you, not just a few hours. So they get the few hours and then I get days. And they know better than to show up unannounced after a match.” The grin that she wore made him laugh as he got dressed.

Once they were ready, his hand slid into hers, fingers interlacing as they headed out back to the waiting cars to get the two of them home. Michael was the first to throw his arm across Ashton’s shoulders as they trio caught up with the two.

“So, we’re drinking at yours then?” She raised an eyebrow pointedly at Ashton, Michael’s words simply proving her point. He rolled his eyes before grinning.

“Of course. M’lookin’ forward to the headlines that are gonna come out from this fight.” Calum laughed as he threw his own arm around her shoulders.

“They’re gonna point out how no one can seemingly knock you down. You’re like a rock.” Luke teased and Ashton rolled his eye as Michael moved his arm from his friends shoulders.

Once they reached his place, the other three didn’t protest as she helped check him over before all but ordering him to put his feet up. The others were about to make a comment, but one look stopped the thoughts dead in their tracks and she received sheepish smiles in return as she finally settled into his good side.

It was worth it all in her eyes.

---

tag list: @cals-babylons , @glitterprincelu , @calumspeachy , @wrappedaroundcal , @cosmocalum , @monsteramongmikey , @talkfastfletcher , @hereforlukescruff , @astroashtonio , @catchinqcalum , @5saucewho , @dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind , @therainydays4 , @asht0ns-world , @silverchainbee , @hidd3nfangirl , @doodleasouarus , @empathycth , @mylovehes , @songforhema , @kinglyhood , @youngblood199456 , @makecoffeenotwars , @sunny-sos , @negative-love , @softboycal , @kinglycalum , @you-of-ghost , @meetyoutheremgc , @lmao5sosimagines , @lietoash , @aw-hawkeye , @drummerboy794 , @itjustkindahappenedreally, @mycollectionofnuts, @abitloudforanaccousticset, @boytoynamedcalum , @teampreator , @dukehoods , @dweebluke , @calumculture , @lashtoncurls , @wildhearthood , @gigglyirwin , @blue-skies-are-alright , @hearts-to-the-sky , @tiddlerrr , @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you , @zooniah , @cakeassx-blog , @paqueretteash , @rotten-kandy , @vipclifford , @musiclover1263 , @rosecoloredash , @jpgluke , @cathartichaoss , @5secondssofssummer , @cozyfivesos , @balsamichood , @cliffordstxngue , @lukesbellas , @myloverboyash , @cxddlyash , @gabiatthedisco , @rosesfromcth , @gorgeouslygrace , @calumsssparkle , @valentinelrh , @meetashthere , @softforcal , @cakesunflower , @hotmessmichael , @fangirlforever0704 , @caswinchester2000 , @long-termplanwithshort-termfixes , @josierosie , @ashtoniwir , @raabiac , @burncrashbromance , @killerlukesqueen , @angelbabylu ,

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cilliansaccent · 4 years

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The Peaky Designer - Cillian Fanfic, Chapter 3

Hello, welcome back. Below is the next instalment of my fanfiction!

Leave a like or a comment if you liked it, or if I can do anything better! Please, it would mean the world and to understand if anyone is enjoying my writing. Also, sharing/reblogging would be even better.

PLEASE READ:

I will not be including Cillian’s family as it’s kinda weird since he has children lmao. Just a mention of his parents and a previous lover.

I will indicate in a chapter if there is smut in the beginning and before the actual scene!!

I will add trigger warnings if there is any!!

There is a variety of levels of swearing during a chapter, I will not hold back, everyone swears.

The timestamp for the Fic is now 2016 and onwards!!

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Background: Gabrijela Babic is a Croatian girl from Sydney, Australia. She is born in the year 1991 on the 24th of December. She studies a Fashion degree in a University with a major in Game Design as well. Her teacher in the fashion designer class managed to nail an Internship on the set of Peaky Blinders with the shows very own Costume Designer, Allison McCosh. There, she travels to London for under a year to learn how to be one, working alongside the actors as well the man she admires, Cillian Murphy. But, her platonic feelings for the man begins to grow into something more, and she wonders whether she should pursue them or let him go for fear of her strict parents and her three older brothers…

Characters:

Swantje Paulina as Gabrijela Babic (swalina on Instagram)

Cillian Murphy

Word Count: 3,869

!!Warnings!!: None.

Date: March 2016

Chapter Name: A Heat of the Moment

Brief Chapter Outline: Cillian meets Gabrijela’s best friend while both are still in bed before they head out for breakfast. Their morning ends with time spent at a local park where things begin to spice up between the pair...

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During the night, Gabrijela had a nightmare. She woke up crying out which startled Cillian and he had her gathered in his arms, hushing her and reminding her where she was and who she was with.

He had made tea after that, and she had checked her phone to see what time it was. Around four in the morning.

Together they sat back in bed after she refreshed herself in the bathroom, his arm around her, she clutched her tea and sipped it slowly.

They soon went to bed afterwards, and she was all snuggled and warm once again in his arms.

Came morning, she was scrolling through her Instagram and Facebook, replying to messages.

Cillian stayed in bed with her and was chatting on the phone to someone. Sounded important, she thought.

He hung up and sighed, rubbing his eyes, "Later today I have to drive up to Manchester." He said.

"For filming?" She set her phone down, her heart sinking a little.

"Mhm," he laid back down on the bed, and she rolled on to her side, facing him.

"How will I get there? Or is there like an office here?" She asked. "As you can tell, I didn't read the letter again." She laughed softly.

"You'll catch the train, I believe. You'll have to pay, as the rent for this apartment is all covered by the show. Is that fine?" Cillian asked.

"Oh, sure! Yes, it's fine. I saved up as much as I could, and my dad gave me extra money, plus he gives me an additional fifty bucks a week." She said.

"Oh, that's nice. I don't really know how much that is in pounds but seems a lot." He smiled, admiring her features. He was quite shocked and mesmerised how many freckles she had, so he asked, "I'm guessing you got the perks of your mothers side, huh?"

She puffed out her cheeks, "Yeah. Lotsa freckles. And uh... Yeah." She was about to say good assets to but bit her tongue back. "Though, I was bullied as a child for it all. And as I got older, I discovered the magic of makeup. Covered the whole lot." She said, shaking her head. "But then I met my best friend who psyched me up, made me confident and to love myself."

"And you should. There isn't anything wrong with how you look, or what you have." His voice was soft and still had that rugged sleepy tone. Made her feel... things.

Her skin pricked when she felt his fingers glide through her messy bed hair, she stared into his eyes once more. Finding herself lost in them and hadn't realised he had moved closer. Or did she?

But the sound of her phone ringing made them jump away from each other, he cleared his throat.

Gabrijela picked up and her best friend, Lucia, let out a gasp.

"Hey! Wait- Oh my god whos that?!"

Gabrijela forgot for a whole second there that she could see Cillian beside her, "No one!" Gab clutched the phone to her chest.

"Hey! HEY! No use hiding now, I saw it all girl! Lemme see! Hi random guy!" Lucia cried.

"It's fine," Cillian chuckled when Gab gave him an apologetic look.

She pulled the phone away and directed it at Cillian, who seriously looked like he was doing more than sleeping with his messy hair and sleepy eyes.

"Finally, better than seeing your tits, Gabbie. Hi, hi, I'm Lucia." The dark-skinned girl with wild black hair waved excitedly through the phone.

"Hello, Lucia. I'm Cillian." He waved back.

"Goodness! I know! Oh my goodness! Gabbie! Scandalous!!" Lucia laughed, "Holy crap. Oh." She spoke in Spanish, and for a few minutes, they stared at the ceiling.

Gabrijela was blushing like mad, "God she's mad. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it's seriously okay," he got up and stretched. She couldn't help look at his butt.

It was cute.

"Hey, where'd he go? I got some questions! Why are you in bed with each other huh? Gab I need answers." Lucia came back into the frame, her brows high up and questioning look in her dark eyes.

"Nothing happened, my god. So fucking horny." She muttered so Cillian couldn't hear.

He went into the bathroom, the door shut a little.

"You two seemed to have had a rumble of some sort." Lucia chided as Gabrijela popped on her Airpods.

"Nooo, no fair!" Lucia whined.

"Nope. Not allowed." Gabrijela laid on her side, legs pulled up a little.

"Please tell me why then? If you didn't do anything then why? How'd you meet? Have you started the internship yet?" Lucia laid out the questions.

"He picked me up at the airport, yesterday we spend the afternoon together and went for dinner and then... I guess he stayed the night because it was awfully late." Gabrijela wasn't going to tell Lucia what happened in the pub. She didn't want to stress her bestie out anymore.

"Oh, yes. It was late." Lucia annunciated with a wink and air quotes with her fingers.

"It was! I offered him to stay." She whispered it was more like an angry hiss. "Honestly, you're such a pain in the ass." She groaned.

"But a fantastic pain in the ass! You love me!" She beamed.

"Yeah, that's true." She laughed softly before Lucia delved into a different subject, about some guy she managed to nail the night before at some house party she went to.

Cillian came back out of the bathroom and had a view of Gabrijela's ass. She hadn't noticed he stared at her, this... sudden need for her weaved through him and he quickly turned to go to the kitchen.

What the fuck, he thought as he made coffee for the both of them, what was wrong with him? She was so out of his league and he shouldn't even come out of the bathroom until she moved.

But it seemed it would have been a while when thirty minutes later she hung up and got up from the bed.

"God, she can talk." She huffed as she came to the kitchen, and he handed her the mug of coffee. He made it his way so he hoped she liked it.

"She seems quite uh, outgoing." He said, sipping his coffee.

"Yeah. She is. But I think she was very hyper because she saw you. She's a massive fan." She leaned against the door frame of the kitchen.

"So, she's your best friend?" He continued.

"Yeah. She's twenty-three but thanks to our parents who know each other, we literally grew up together. She's like my little sister, but more... wild. She hates having foundations and loves being taken on the wind, so she says."

"That's sweet. I guess that life suits some people." He stated with a slight shrug.

"Yeah. My other three friends have a partner, three marriages next year." She laughed softly. I'm a bridesmaid for one."

"Oh? You said three are getting married. Busy year." He blinked with surprise.

"Oh yeah, very. Three different outfits. One is getting married in February, so it'll be summer. The one in July, and the other September." She shook her head.

"Damn. One in each season almost. Gifts too?" He finished his coffee.

"Yep. They did this deliberately, in the same year. Two will be at the same function rooms, the other is more country-styled as she lives in the countryside. If I was also getting married, I think I would've been sucked into doing it in the same year too." She shuddered, "I wouldn't want that. I'll have my own year."

"Yeah. I'd agree on that. Would be too much." Cillian nodded.

"Oh well, at least I can find an outfit here for the weddings. Get something... Different. Or well, depends if I have enough money on the end after my shopping spree." She set her empty cup into the sink and washed up.

"So, should I make breakfast or...?" Gabrijela asked.

"I thought we should go out for breakfast. There's a nice pub down the road but I can assure you there won't be any--"

"It's fine. I'm sure it'll be amazing." She turned to him, giving him a reassuring smile.

He closed his mouth and smiled, "Alright. I'll get myself dressed, I guess it'll be the same thing as yesterday." He hummed and went to fetch his clothing.

Gabrijela grabbed some black jeans, a short-sleeved cream sweatshirt, on top a checkered black and white shirt and then an oversized denim jacket on top of it all.

She pulled on her Doc Martins and a small crossbody bag enough for her wallet, phone and her passport.

"Ready." She smiled and the pair headed out.

The pub had an okay crowd, still had the creepy old man vibe but maybe she was still shaken up from last night.

Cillian kept close to her side, his hand brushing along hers to remind her he was there. They took a table outside instead of inside.

She picked up the menu and looked through it, "I'll have the big breakfast." She said.

"Okay, what about a drink?" He asked, already knowing what he wants.

"Mocha, please. Skim milk." She replied as she set the menu down.

He nodded and got up to order inside. He came back after a moment before his phone rang up.

He picked up, "Hey Sile." He said, his Irish accent spiked at the name.

She remembered he had two younger sisters, this must be one of them.

"Yeah... Yeah thank you, I'd love that..." He laughed, "Oh, god okay. Tell mum and dad I said hi and I love them... Thank you, gonna be a long couple of months ahead. See you, Sil." He said and hung up.

"Who was that?" Gabrijela asked, even if she had an idea who.

"My sister. Wishing me all the best for the upcoming months said she might come down with Orla, my other sister, and visit me." He said with a happy smile, he seemed to light up when he spoke about his family.

"Awh! How cute! Maybe I should say hi," Gab gave him a cheeky smile. Their drinks were set in front of them.

"Of course you can. They would love to meet you." Cillian agreed with her despite she was only kidding.

"Oh-Oh yeah okay." She took her cup and took a drink of it. Perfect balance.

As they continued to chat about this and that, some girls came up to the table.

The brunette had a heavy accent, "Mr Murphy? Hi, I-I'm a big fan of you a-and I was w-wondering if you c-could sign this f-for me?" She held out a photograph of him as Thomas Shelby.

Behind, her mother it seemed, was giving her an encouraging smiled as the other two girls seemed to do the same, holding out their own things for him to sign.

Cillian seemed suddenly nervous and gave a look at Gabrijela, "Go ahead." Gab said, nodding a little.

He smiled and signed the items, answering the fans questions but had politely declined a photograph with them. He gave them all hugs and they seemed to bloom with utter joy as they all giggled and hurried along with the older woman.

"You wouldn't believe it but I get fans following me sometimes." He said as he turned back to Gabrijela.

"Oh?" She snickered as their food came.

"Yeah. I'm not too fond of it though. But it's not too much of a nuisance, not in London anyway. Where we film there's a lot of fans that hang around, hoping to catch a glimpse or for me to sign something." He said, smacking his lips in a 'tsk' sound.

"But no photos?" She tilted her head to the side as she cut up her sausages.

"No. I'd rather give a hug or sign, better for them to remember the moment." He explained.

"True, but I'd always love a photo. I'd cherish that just as much as a moment, but that's just me." She said eating her food.

"How about now? The past two days with me?" He looked up and paused from taking a bite out of his toast.

She smiled as she gazed down at her food, "Cillian, this... experience, I'll remember it even after I've died. Besides, I got a photo with you." She winked at him.

"Oh, that's true, true." He laughed sipping his coffee. "I'm glad I can make this experience amazing. It truly makes me thrilled."

They moved on to a topic they both loved, music. It became heated, and people turned to see what they were on about. But they were in their moment, and even after they left the pub.

They headed to a local park nearby, they had managed to calm down and come to an agreement finally.

There was a little private area and they went there, beneath a large tree that had overhanging branches. There was barely anyone around but it was still nice.

She crossed her leg over, hands folded in her lap. They sat there, in silence, totally in content with each others presence and the area around them.

Peace.

"I'll be leaving in three hours," Cillian said after some time.

"Mood killer," She whined, looking at him with a scowl.

"Sorry, wanted to remind you." He had an arm behind her, and she had moved closer to his side.

"I'm gonna miss you." She said softly, she leaned her head back on his arm.

"We'll see each other basically every day!" He chuckled softly.

"I know, but we won't hang out as much, like now." She reached up and picked some lint off his shirt.

He watched the movement, "Who said we won't hang out? We'll get the time. We can make time." He took her hand, holding it to his chest.

The whole thing was weird, it felt... intimate. His arm around her, their heads close, his eyes on her.

This closeness with Cillian was different than anything she had experienced. With her ex, whom she broke up a year ago, was a different type of closeness. It was more sex-driven and lust, unlike with Cillian, they connected with their similar likes and dislikes, and he never seemed to judge her.

He looked at her as if she was more than a sex object, he watched her with pure interest and intrigue.

But maybe she was looking too much into it, they had known each other well over forty-eight hours, and she was to be here till January. Who knows, maybe he was only putting on a show since he was a very reserved man.

She didn't know how he was truly when he wasn't in his acting spotlight, maybe he wasn't nice, maybe-

She was overthinking now to an extreme and suddenly sat up.

"What is it?" Cillian asked, sitting forward with her, a hand on her back.

"Nothing, just thinking." She said as she slowly sat back, she moved closer to his side and laid her head on his shoulder.

His arm was around her once again and he squeezed her gently to him, "About?" He held her hand in his lap again, his thumb running over her knuckles.

"Ah, nothing. Something silly." She replied, her emotions were on a wild roller coaster ride.

"You know, you can talk to me? I know we have only known each other for a bit, but, I am here for a good chat. As long as you want." He brushed a hair away from her cheek, and she looked up once more.

A devilish thought came to her and she had the urge to satisfy it. But she may as well bring down this growing relationship into the gutter if she did so.

And he may not want to talk to her at all, only during her times when she was on set.

"Yeah. I know. Thank you for the offer." She smiled, it made crinkles at the corners of her eyes.

He let out a soft gasp, "Smile again like that." He suddenly said.

"What?" She laughed a little.

"Smile." He said and began to tickle her.

"Cillian!" She cried out and laughed, trying to fight him off. "What is wrong with you!" She said in between laughter.

She managed to escape, "Bad!" She backed up when he stood, giving her a cheeky smirk.

And then she ran. He chased after her, around the little park they went.

She laughed and he did too, they were having the time of their life. No one bothered them.

She had lost him around a tree and was looking behind her, but didn't see him ahead. Neither did he.

She ran right into him and their heads clashed. Together they tumbled back onto the grass with a gasp then a grunt from Cillian.

She was on top of him rubbing her forehead, "Owie." She complained.

"I hope I don't get a bruise now." He said, wincing a little.

"What about my face, I can't get a giant lump on mine." She pushed herself up a little, both arms on either side of his head. Her hair was a veil around them.

"Be more concerned about mine!" He squeezed her sides and she yelped, jumping at the touch.

"You'll be fine!" She argued back. She watched his eyes widen a little, and he scoffed.

She smirked, and she wasn't going to lie to herself, she did like this. She moved and he let out a soft grunt, she was now straddling his waist.

"Should we get up?" He asked, slowly sitting upright. His arms moved around her waist, her hands slid up his arms to rest on his shoulders.

"I don't know, do you want to get up?" She asked, her breath hitched when she felt his fingers tips come into contact with her bare skin.

"I'm asking you." His tone was a gentle caress for her ears.

She gulped, holding his gaze once more, and that devilish thought returned and she found herself succumbing to it as she leaned in.

Cillian felt his heart pound faster as he watched Gabrijela lean in, his mind was telling to be the better man and to pull away, but he honestly didn't know if that was the right choice. Move away and create this awkwardness between them or let it happen.

But he didn't need to do anything when she was the one who jumped back.

"Fuck, I-I don't-" She scrambled off him, still positioned between his legs.

"It's okay. Hey." He moved to a kneeling position and took her hand. "It's alright. Don't fret."

She looked up at him, her brows furrowed a little, "God I don't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to. It's too early, fuck, what is wrong with me?" She laughed nervously as she stood up.

He stood up as well, "Nothing is wrong with you. Heat of the moment." He stroked her knuckle with a thumb.

The touch eased her, but the 'heat' of the moment made her tingly all over. Everywhere.

"Yeah. Heat of the moment. I'm still sorry though. I shouldn't have done that." She shakes her head, pulling her hand back. His touch was making her feel all sort of things.

He sighed, "Come on, let's head on home." He said to her and she followed him reluctantly.

The silence was weird and awkward. She stood before the door of her apartment and faced him, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" She said.

"Yeah, we will. It'll be a big day, so get some early shut-eye, eh?" He asked.

His expression was soft, caring. No hint of judgement. It made her almost want to kiss him.

"Okay. I will. I gotta prepare my stuff for tomorrow anyway, got a report to do." She hummed.

"Alright." He kinda just stood there, expecting something else.

She stepped down a step and wrapped her arms around his neck. She held on to him and his arms wrapped around her swiftly.

"Thank you for the last three days. I can't wait to work with you further," She murmured and pulled back enough to admire his finely chiselled face.

"Yeah, neither can I. And the rest of the crew, of course." He squeezed her sides again.

Heat bloomed within her, "See you tomorrow, Cillian. Drive safe." She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He pulled her close so their bodies were flushed. She could feel every hard part of him, the strength of his body.

She let out a soft moan and blushed as they pulled back, "You be safe too. Ring me if anything happens alright? Even if you need a chat. It'll be a long train ride." He said, cupping her cheek with a hand.

She could see the nerves behind those lovely big eyes, the moment had rattled him. And she wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

She nodded and stepped back, "Bye." She smiled and went to the door, punching in her pin and pushed open the door. She looked at him once more before she turned away and closed the door behind her.

When she came to her apartment and peeked out the balcony, he wasn't there. His car was gone.

She sighed and went back inside, the last hour was wild and she never felt so damn hungry for more.

More of him.

Her heart ached, her body ached in places where she wasn't satisfied in a long while.

God, she thought, she was here on an internship. To fucking learn. Not to fuck the materials.

She shook her head and cursed herself when she thought about the scenes of him in the show. The intimate ones.

Another moan escaped her. "Fucking horny piece of shit," She muttered to herself and fished out what would ease her body.

Later that night...

She had received a call from Allison. The news was, she was going to be picked up around five in the morning.

She chatted with the woman about what to expect, how long she was going to be on set or if there was anything else she was supposed to do.

Gabrijela learned that she was going to work with, bing bing! Cillian most of the time, and the other men who were to be the Shelby men.

Great, she thought, she would have to deal with the man who was wedging himself into her heart and soul.

But, she had to put it aside. This was for her studies, and she needed to focus. And to shower. And eat. And then sleep.

But she was also excited that she wasn't just going to work on the set, she was going to help Allison design some clothing for some play that was set to practice early next year.

More to learn, the hungrier she got.

She did as Cillian told, eat, shower, talked to her dad for a bit before she hit the hay.

Though, her dreams were muddled with Cillian, his gaze, his touches, his soft lips that brought about gooseflesh all over her.

And the wicked sounds he pulled from her.

#cillian murphy #thomas shelby #peaky blinders #fanfiction

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lizardscuddling · 6 years

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MCC Live!

Earlier this month I had the awesome opportunity to fly to London to see my favorite band, MCC. It was their first show in nearly a decade, but you couldn’t tell. Both nights the atmosphere was charged with nervous and exciting energy—both the audience and the band were more than thrilled to be there. Here’s how it went down.

Saturday night I hung out at the bar for a few hours before the show. Fans began congregating by the door about an hour beforehand so we could get a good spot. Although the ticket lady almost didn’t let me in because my tickets apparently didn’t get added to the will-call list, I managed to make it to the 2nd row on stage right: directly in front of the microphone.

Quickly after the opener ended (True Moon, who was awesome and totally worth listening to), MCC ran out and helped to set up their gear. They were all nervous but super stoked to be out there, and as soon as Martin appeared to set up his gear pedals (idk anything about music lol) the entire audience flipped out and cheered for him. His response was to lovingly shush us; “It’s a fucking line check!”

The performance itself was amazing. After the sound check they disappeared and soon ran back out with beer in their hands and smiles on their faces. The audience had great energy; everyone was really excited to be there, and for the most part pretty engaged in the set. Martin made quite a few drunken quips throughout the show. At one point his microphone stopped working and he remarked, “I’m obviously not a singer, so we have to do a lot of things to make my voice sound good, and when tech breaks down that becomes a problem.” He introduced the band, and referred to Arvid as his “Kid brother, who hasn’t played drums since he was 6, and vowed never to pick it up again.” The job of being a frontman is obviously pretty new to him, but he took it up well.

The music itself blew my socks off. Fia Kempe from The Great Discord came out every few songs to lend her voice, and it sounded amazing. She and Martin were not afraid to get up on the barrier and play in front of the crowd, which was a real treat for us at the front. My favorite song was probably Demon King. When played live the band finishes the song with a powerful, uplifting solo. Attending a Midnight Screen was also dope, as was Sway. Honestly I can’t think of a single song that I didn’t think was amazing. The biggest surprise of the night was when MCC played “Sleepy Eye June.” Martin introduced it as “the only love song (he) ever wrote… which turned out kind of dark.” They recorded it on a three piece demo, he said, and the final version will be appearing on their next album, due “2027.” That was an amazing surprise to end the night on—they even kept the voice sample from “Excalibur!”

Shortly after the show I had to run outside to grab money for merch. By the time I came back the band was hanging out at the stage signing things for fans. I first went up to Fia, who was chillin’ and told her how much I appreciate her work. Soon after I made my way to Martin, where I overheard him ask a fan, “was my set too short? I was worried about that, but I was thinking ‘if it were me, I wouldn’t want to hear myself perform for very long. Just in and out.’” Another fan urged him to go to France, and he replied that they had plans to—but they’re secret, so he can’t disclose more than that. I later heard from another fan that MCC plans to tour more in Europe later this year and, hopefully eventually, North America. When it came time for me to get my stuff signed I Introduced myself and told him I was from Seattle. He said that was cool and he loves Seattle; he also really loves Oregon, because of the Goonies.

Eventually I made it outside and hung out with some fans. I found Niels standing at a doorway and joined in on the conversation. Someone asked him if he’s going to continue playing with In Flames, and he replied that he wasn’t sure. It can be fun playing on a huge stage, he remarked, but he prefers the vibes of smaller venues. He’d like to continue playing with MCC, if he can. I told him I really liked his music, his solo stuff too, and was super stoked to see him—especially, being from Seattle, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to. He told me he thought Seattle was awesome, and that when he came there with Dead Soul and Ghost their friend from the area drove them around the city and he fell in love. He’d like to return one day. I asked him to sign my poster, and he pointed to a random building in the design, remarked “that’s where I live,” drew an arrow to it, and signed it. At that point another fan asked him to sign his ticket, but he kept talking to me—he poked me with their ticket!—and told me to listen to listen to an American band he likes (sorry Niels I was too drunk I totally forgot who it was). He traveled from Sweden to London to see them when he was young, and asked the band manager if he could meet the singer. He was told no, but got tickets to see them in Sweden. The singer killed himself right after that show. I probably looked at him like “wtf?” and he assured me that he isn’t planning on killing himself. Good!

The vibes of the first night were really mellow. Martin hung out outside and smoked but the fans left him alone; a surprising show of respect.

~round 2~

Night two was even better! The band seemed way less nervous and more sober-- Martin even remarked to the audience, “you seem less drunk than last night. So are we.” Their sobriety was reflected in a much better sound overall. The audience, while less smashed, was still awesome. During a lull in the set a man with a thick Scottish accent remarked “Martin, I fucking love you man!” to which he replied, “I love you too!” Near the end of the set Martin’s announcement that they had one more song to play was met with an “aaaawwwwuuuuuhhhh.” He reminded everyone they’d be back. I yelled, “I’ll miss you!” and he said, “I’ll miss you too!!” It was really sweet and I literally died. At a certain point he invited fans to yell out where they were from. At the end he remarked, “you’re from all over the place! We’re from ten years ago.”

Niels was over the top all night. He started the show by standing on the barrier for a long ass time. After Dollhouse Decoration Niels wouldn’t stop playing the end notes, to which Martin remarked, “that’s Niels Nielsen for you everyone!” During the Sway solo he couldn’t get his pedal to work so he performed the entire thing on the ground, which was pretty cool. Martin kept looking over at him with a smile on his face; you could tell they’re real homies. At the end of the set when Martin was introducing Sleepy Eye June as a love song he wrote, Niels started to play the beginning of “Run To The Hills” by Iron Maiden, and Arvid helped out with the drums. Martin was like “wtf” but it was all in jest.

Soon after the set the band had to kick everyone out to close up shop. I waited around for a big and talked to some cool homies; eventually, the band all came out to talk to fans and sign stuff. Niels recognized me from the night before and asked how I was doing—I told him I was chillin, but it looks like he was going to have a fun night (he was holding a big bottle of wine and some water). Niels told me the water was just for looks, the wine is what he’s really there for. I vibe with that.

Arvid and Par were both really sweet. They genuinely tried to have conversation with all their fans. When I told Arvid I was from Seattle he remarked “Oh! You’re the person he told us about.” (which honestly holy shit that was really cool. Martin told him about a fan from Seattle??? Whaaat??) and wanted to know what it was like to live in my city. Apparently, Martin is always talking about how much he likes the Pacific Northwest and wants to visit. I told them the weed was great. They were really really nice and attentive, and I’m super stoked to see them in future shows.

When I walked up to Martin he was signing some ghost photos for some fans. He looked at an old picture of himself and remarked “Aaaahhh… that’s him, the infamous Omeega.” It was kind of sad watching him look through all these old photos of Ghost, but he seemed to enjoy it. He pointed out which shows he could remember, and his tone was nostalgic. A fan offered him some beer which he declined until the fan told him it was Polish beer; at that point his choice was to chug it. He tried his best to make quips in fans’ native languages to watch them laugh. He’s a pure bean.

When it was my turn I told him, “when I saw you last night I forgot to show you my tattoo!” and stuck my arm out for him. He replied “whoa, let me take a look at that,” and grabbed my arm. I can’t explain it any other way than he held my arm and felt my tattoo with his fingers for a bit. I kind of astral projected through the entire thing; it was surreal. He soon grabbed a sharpie and drew a smiley face into the eclipse. I’m glad he thought it was impressive! He signed my ticket and patch and gave me a hug. Martin’s a super chill dude and was really enamored by all the attention he was getting from fans.

Overall, starting this trip I didn’t know what to expect, but MCC blew me away. They’re all a great group of people and I really look forward to seeing where they go in the future.

#magna carta cartel #mcc #martinpersner #magnacartacartel #omegaghoul #omega #i want martin to kick my ass

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astoldbytoria · 7 years

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ATBT Review: “Ctrl” by SZA

SZA just let out her highly anticipated debut album “Ctrl” on June 9th, and I’ve gotten a solid two weeks to listen to it. I’ve been following her since her Soundcloud days, so I was definitely curious to hear her new record and pick it for growth. Luckily, she made it easy for me. SZA has considerably grown in her songwriting and production and it is clearly reflected by the amount of positive responses she’s received since the release of the album.

In my opinion, this album raised the bar for both traditional and alternative R&B. She did not settle for low droning trap-soul nor did she drown it with samples. She successfully created a record that is both alike and not like any other record we’ve heard recently. So I’m going to dive into each track one by one discussing their strengths and weaknesses below. Feel free to listen along as I break down each song (this review is kind of long):

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/album/76290XdXVF9rPzGdNRWdCh

Apple Music Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ctrl/id1239976329

1) Supermodel

First thought: what a way to open an album. This track is definitely one of her statement pieces. It really brings in the tone of the whole album. She’s talking about really heavy stuff over an acoustic guitar that’s strumming a melodic chord progression. And this isn’t just “cutesy sad” stuff either. She’s writing a letter to this person telling them she’s leaving after realizing that they’re cheating on her and aren’t giving her the time of day in general. And don’t forget the part where she adds that she’s “secretly banging” his friend. Pretty intense stuff.

2) Love Galore (feat. Travis Scott)

This is such a strong single for this album. She called this one a “tropical bop” and I couldn’t agree more. If your head isn’t boppin during this song, you’re probably lying. The instrumentation is so lightweight and euphoric, even though she’s discussing some heavy experiences, much like “Supermodel.” The lyrics were masterfully filled with wordplay and double meanings. They are poignant and relevant to the dating experiences of today’s youth which is really important. Not everyone is loyal, not everyone is trying to date to marry – and she, at this point in her life, is not only calling out the people she’s dated for being like this, she’s also recognizing these ways in herself. The line “Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me? Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?” is so real for some people, and that’s what I appreciated. It’s the side of relationships that people aren’t brave enough to address because everyone wants to tell a perfect love story instead of recognizing the reality and the duality of love. The production is also so perfect because it feels like such a light, chill bop even though it’s calculated with many layers. Her collaboration with Travis Scott was such a smart decision and it was nice to hear a different beat and vibe from him that still goes along with his sonic taste. I will say though, I absolutely hate the way she pronounces certain words – like “negus” and “beaches” – but that’s just a personal pet peeve, so I digress. Love Galore is a solid song and one of my favorites. Beautifully crafted and portrayed.

3) Doves in the Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

This one was funny to me because I was surprised at how many times and different ways they managed to say the word “pussy.” To me, this one was another statement piece. The lyrics were definitely cheeky and bold, which just pushed another characteristic of the album. SZA is so willing to be bold and blunt about her experiences throughout the album. I thought Kendrick Lamar as the feature was a brilliant decision. Who better to talk about the subject? The song was witty and interesting and draws the listener to the lyrics. And the beat is so relaxed compared to what they’re talking about. It’s not one of my personal favorites, but I recognize its purpose for sure.

4) Drew Barrymore

When I heard this, I was like “where was SZA in the 90s when alt-black girls had no voice?” because she would have definitely been they’re holy grail artist. It has such a somber 90s alternative rock vibe. I love that it addresses insecurity and low self-esteem and genuine feelings, especially in lines like “I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth / we get so lonely, we pretend that this works.” She brilliantly portrays how these feelings can manifest themselves in relationships. So because of that, these lyrics are not only relatable, but eye-opening for some listeners. This was a strong one for me.

5) Prom

I really love the lyrics on Prom. It felt like she was talking about her insecurities and her shortcomings compared to her partner. She’s describing the right person at the wrong time for her, as if she’s not yet at his maturity level, which is something I can relate to personally. However, I didn’t know that this song was about this topic until I looked the lyrics and followed them. The music just doesn’t seem to match what she’s talking about at all. And in the prior songs, the music does contrast with the topic of the song but it’s done in a way that makes the two work together – not in this case, however. So unfortunately, this song kind of got lost among some of the other tracks for me.

6) The Weekend

This is the traditional R&B bop on the album. I love the Justin Timberlake sample. It was nicely hidden in the beat and was not at the forefront, so it meshed well overall. This was another song with bold lyrics. She’s talking from the POV of the “other woman,” a character that hasn’t really had a voice in music. This is especially depicted in lines like “My man is my man is your man / heard it’s her man too” and “the feeling is wreckless / of knowin’ it’s selfish / knowin’ I’m desperate.” So this was a daring move for SZA. It definitely sounds like she’s okay with the whole idea while also knowing that it isn’t an ideal situation. Very interesting track. Lol

7) Go Gina

I really like the instrumental on this one. It kind of gives me A Tribe Called Quest vibes. However, aside from the clever line “picking up a penny with a press-on is easier than holding you down,” this one did not clearly convey the meaning of the song. From what I can gather, she’s comparing herself to Gina from the TV show “Martin,” saying that she is a woman that belongs to herself – any man that comes along the way will either be of value to her or easily disposable. And she will never be hung up on a man. So I guess it’s just a song that outlines that feeling of self-sufficiency. This one kind of got lost amongst the tracks, like “Prom.” Without fail, I seem to tune it out when it plays. It’s still nice to listen to, though.

8) Garden (Say It Like Dat)

This one is also one of my favorites. It’s another euphoric song with a chill beat and melodic sounds throughout. Lyrically, this one is stronger because she’s clearly in love with this person but is still insecure about herself, hoping that he “never finds out” the real her. But she believes that maybe he will love her for her because of the way he compliments her and treats her. I love how genuine that is and how we don’t like to address our fear of people seeing the real us. More importantly, I’m happy that she managed to make a 3:28 song that perfectly describes that.

9) Broken Clocks

If there had to be another single on the album, it would be this one. The production is so poppin’ it’s not even funny. My poor ’99 Camry can’t handle the bass whatsoever, but it still gets blared regardless (nah mean?)!! SZA tells us another story of her balancing love with work and how those things sometimes conflict with her time – hence, the broken clocks. The busyness of life can definitely affect relationships and I felt like she really captured that here. I loved the Joseline Hernandez strip club reference as well, it really tickled me. Lol

10) Anything

This one sounds the most dreamy to me. It also samples “Spring Reprise” by Donna Summer, which is a nice addition. She seems to be questioning her relationship, serving as the next chapter to “Broken Clocks.” This is definitely shown by the repeated line “Do you even now I’m alive?” She seems to be at the cusp of the relationship lasting and ending. I kind of hate how short it is though.

11) Wavy (Interlude) [feat. James Fauntleroy]

I love this interlude so much. I love the production. Again, it is so light and airy and dreamy. Lyrically, this one didn’t jump out to me at all. But I fell in love with the feeling that it gave me more than anything else.

12) Normal Girl

This one is another that kind of got lost amongst the other tracks for me as well. I think that lyrically it’s really strong because she’s trying to describe an idealistic version of herself. Furthermore, she’s wishing that she could just be a “normal girl” for this guy, and clearly she isn’t capable of being that for him. So it’s really relatable. But at this point in the album, the theme starts to really beat a dead horse, at least for me. I felt like she kind of explained some of these same feelings in songs like “Drew Barrymore” or “Garden.”

13) Pretty Little Birds (feat. Isaiah Rashad)

I was impressed by the metaphor she used, because it’s not that obvious. Yeah, she’s comparing herself to a bird but she’s also talking about how she wants to be open with her love interest, like a bird’s wings. And it also kind of dives into the fact that although she’s been through a lot of experiences, she is still open to a new relationship that allows her to “fly.” This is apparent in the line “my wings don’t fly like they used to / but I wanna fly with you.” Lyrically this one is really strong, and if you aren’t paying attention to lyrics, it’s easy for its meaning to “fly away” (all puns intended). It’s very dreamy and pretty. I grew to like this song.

14) 20 Something

It’s only fitting that that she ended with an acoustic song. Lyrically, this song is all-encompassing in so many ways that aren’t obvious. She’s acknowledging everything that happened in her twenties – including the good and bad. It seems like her relationship ended, so she is definitely being critical and saying that she’s “got nothin, runnin from love.” So in a way, she’s stuck in the “immature” mindset of her 20s. But she also says “God bless these 20 somethings” because although she views some of her experiences as failures, she also recognizes how they’ve shaped her into the person she currently is. Compared to the opening track, this one focuses on the self instead of the people that have wronged her and her spitefulness as a reaction to those wrongs. Beautifully written and the slow strumming guitar is always fitting for introspection. This song ends the album on a bittersweet note, and I really love that.

My Conclusion (finally lol):

I think this album is something that has been missing from music. It’s full of lyrics that are relatable, funny, poignant, and introspective. And although some of the topics are heavy and risque, SZA carefully managed to pair them with beats and instrumentation that was seemingly light-hearted. She was unafraid to be the voice of the side chick, the main woman, the insecure woman, and the woman scorned. And she did it all from the perspective of a girl, and more importantly a Black girl. While culturally, this album was so influential and powerful, its importance could get lost if you aren’t paying attention to the lyrics. Sometimes they were hard for me to follow by listening alone and I had to look them up just to understand what she was saying. So that could be improved upon for the next album. Otherwise, I give this album a strong 7. SZA has really changed herself and has completely grown into her sound. This was a striking debut.

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chicagoindiecritics · 4 years

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New from Jeff York on The Establishing Shot: LAYNE MARIE WILLIAMS MAKES A BIG NAME FOR HERSELF IN SHORT ORDER

Even if you’ve never met filmmaker Layne Marie Williams, you can feel her unbridled enthusiasm in every frame of the short films she’s made. The multi-hyphenate – writer, director, producer, actress, even voice-over – loves cinema and it shows in the passion, care, and craft she infuses into her work. You can also tell that she has a broad appreciation for the many ways to tell stories on screen, as the short films she’s created in her career so far are vast and varied. She’s done music videos, commercials, and a handful of short films that run the gamut from musical fantasy to unsettling science fiction. I’ve been fortunate to see a number of her short films which are making a splash at film festivals throughout the nation. And despite their abbreviated length, they’re making a big impression, winning awards and getting her opportunities in Hollywood.

Three of her shorts are currently making the circuit and they perfectly encapsulate her range and talent.

SCUTLY

Early in this short, the character of Scutly, a senior man who drifts in and out of fantasy, describes three teen volunteer caregivers at the nursing home as “a boisterous bunch.” Indeed, these girls, who have an 80’s Cyndi Lauper-vibe in attitude and wardrobe, just wanna have fun. The three Pastel Girls, as Icicle, Roz, and Lou call themselves, are out to make the world a happier place. Thus, they visit the Matour Home regularly to try and do some good. Their attempts to engage the seniors in fun and games turn into a virtual music video a few minutes into the short, yet their youthful merriment somehow remains lost on the Matour seniors. (Mature, get it?)

Soon enough though, the three free-spirits ((Eliza Helm, Deanalis Resto, and Jasmine S. Sims) descend upon Scutly in his room where he’s holed up with Snip Snap, his support animal. They recognize a fellow eccentric (“You’re old and fashionable!”) and soon enough, the four are dancing together, playing dress-up, and sharing stories. Scutly opens up about his lost love, a young woman who appears to him as a spirit. Is it truly an apparition or a figment of his imagination, fallout from his battle with Alzheimer’s? When his flashbacks show two women kissing, with him nowhere in the picture, it brings a smile to his face nonetheless. Maybe his mind cast someone else in that memory, but he certainly is enjoying it, as are the Pastel Girls.

Part of what makes this story fun, written by Williams and fellow screenwriter Laura Day, is its willingness to turn the whole shebang into one big party. Everything is part of the fun, even Scutly’s unreliable memory. Its vivid, over-the-top lunacy on all sides, a veritable concoction of MTV, the Marx Brothers, Sailor Moon, and the Monkees. It’s all supremely silly, but that’s the point as it argues that there’s no time like the present to have some more fun. It starts by watching this short!

GOLDEN VOICES

Williams’ short entitled GOLDEN VOICES couldn’t be farther from the farcical nature of SCUTLY. Working off of an insinuating script by Zack Seivers, Williams brings a sense of foreboding and mystery to every frame of this sci-fi tale. If SCUTLY was brazenly in-your-face, this one draws you in with subtler means. It’s marked by what it doesn’t show as much as what it does.

Radha Laburnum (Kalika Rose) is a radio show host specializing in traveling across the nation in her RV/recording studio in search of paranormal phenomena. As she travels into the boonies of Indiana, Radha is in search of gold – a story that will bring her notoriety in the radio world. In farm country, she discovers locals who testify to being haunted by ghostly voices. All of them seem to be of a similar mindset, speaking in warning tones, as well as of strange voices talking about “finding gold.” Radha sets out to discover what it all means, and soon, each step she will take will be fraught with danger.

Her interview with a couple of store clerks, as well as a wide-eyed, mysterious little boy, suggests that the voices are not friendly. Radha though, fancies herself a maverick, sort of a modern-day Kolchak the Night Stalker, so she brazenly forges on. Using her own recording device, Radha is able to record the voices in the trees and attempts to decipher the messages that speak hauntingly of remembrances and death. Are these otherworldly messages a cryptic warning? She asks her listeners, “Are the voices cautioning us? Accusing us?” Cheekily, Williams displays the subtitles translating the ghostly mutterings in undulating type. It’s both clever and evocative.

Using dissolves, fading to black, and double-exposure shots, Williams turns Radha’s exploration into a dream-state. Are her thoughts coming to her while asleep or in her waking life? She imagines fields of dead corn, Tibetan monks, the townsfolk, even an image of a pedestrian about to get run down. The overlapping voices, eerie music, and ominous sound design put us squarely in the middle of Radha’s confusion. And it’s an uncomfortable place to be.

Williams plays coy in the remainder of the short, being sure to not give away too much. The conclusion may seem muddy, but I think the filmmaker tells us exactly what’s going on in a quick shot or two in the montage. No matter, it’s an unsettling short, one that suggests that all of life’s mysteries may not have answers, no matter how hard we want them. We, like Radha, are likely left remaining in the dark.

VEILED TRACTATE

In this fever dream of a film, Williams makes a study of how women view themselves, particularly in a world expecting them to be constantly beautiful and sexual. The tractate of the title refers to a treatise, a paper written formally and systematically about a subject, and indeed, Williams is doing that here. In her cacophony of images, the director showcases a young woman named Hummer in search of herself. Played with unblinking intensity by Campbell O’Hare, the young woman wanders around a city, inundated by mirrors, the selling of sex, and all kinds of notions of femininity hoisted upon her.

She plays with wigs and wardrobes, changing her appearance on a dime. Hummer (that name, clearly representing what men want from her) poses suggestively throughout the city, trying on various attitudes and garb that only confuse her more. Williams seems to be indicting the fashion world, the modeling industry, “thirst traps” on Instagram, and the unrealistic world of porn and its exploitation of women. She’s wholly rejecting the game, aided by disturbing music by the talented Cait Rappel.

Hummer scribbles phrases upon a headless mannequin, words like “incognito” and “turbulent nymphette.” As Hummer crosses them out, so does Williams, eschewing such nonsensical stances. And while Hummer’s lack of joy is palpable, there is still energy and bravado in Williams’ images and sound that again, showcase her love of telling stories, no matter their tone. This short is beautiful in its potency even if most of the images are utterly disturbing.

If you go to Williams’ website (LayneMarieWilliams.com) you’ll find previews of her shorts, including music videos and commercials she’s shot. Her video for Gracie Martin and the So Beautifuls is a particularly arresting one. Her portfolio portrays a filmmaker who loves telling stories with all the tools at her disposal, including animation, title design, and a plethora of sound effects. There’s a kid in a candy store quality to her enthusiasm, as she samples all sorts of ways to be heard. Hers is very exciting work and I’m sure more and more audiences will be seeing it very, very soon.

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misselaineousme-blog · 6 years

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A little light reading ...

I have found myself thinking about the library of Alexandria lately. It’s usually when I hit the button on Amazon that says “Deliver to Elaine’s Kindle” and I marvel at the fact that the written word, which for thousands of years could only be accessed in certain places by a tiny fraction of the population, is now available on demand, anywhere, at any time.

After all, there has never been a time on our planet when so much information is literally at our fingertips. We can fact check the news and urban myths, see the weather on the other side of the globe, and access a dynamic encyclopedia on a device that weighs less than a deck of cards. Books, once written by hand, can be downloaded at the touch of a button to a laptop, mobile phone, or eReader, and reading is cheaper than therapy for stress relief and better for brain cells than television.

Although I grew up with a love of fiction, much of my current reading material has been more eclectic. Indeed, those who know me are familiar with my tendency to say “Oh, I just read this great book that says …” and then spouting off the latest factoid that caught my attention (sorry about that, I’m trying to stop). I decided to continue to publish an annual list of what I’ve been reading, in part to help me keep track, but also to share some fascinating books that may be overlooked. They’re (mostly) in no particular order, and for full disclosure Amazon Affiliate links are used ... but spare a thought for those ancient Alexandrians who could only dream of such easy access to information!

Barking up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong (Eric Barker): With its engaging writing style and sound scientific backing, I have to admit this was one of my favourite discoveries of 2017. Barker shows that there is evidence to support conflicting claims about what makes someone successful, then demonstrates to the reader how a balance can be achieved for greater happiness. If you’re looking for a book that is both interesting and uplifting, I highly recommend this one. At the very least, get on over to his website and sign up to his mailing list for a weekly dose of inspiration and information.

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way (Robert Maurer): While I cannot say this book has changed my life, it has changed how I think about things: namely, important goals cannot be achieved overnight! If you want to make long-term, lasting changes, then small and steady really seems to be the way forward. When coupled with Stephen Guise’s Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results, this is a good foundation for making positive changes.

Mini Habits for Weight Loss: Stop Dieting. Form New Habits. Change Your Lifestyle Without Suffering (Stephen Guise): Amazon is a clever corporation. They saw I had purchased Better than Before, a book about habits, and recommended this one as well. And I am so glad I fell for their marketing trick as I enjoyed this one so much more than BtB. It has a kaizen-esque vibe (start small) and I really like the underlying philosophy behind it. It can basically be boiled down to choose a small goal and carry it out every day. This might be running in place for 30 seconds or doing one push up (or reading two pages of a book or writing 50 words a day if weight loss isn’t one of your goals). You can of course do more if you want, but the idea is to change your mindset and use the momentum of small wins to carry you forward. After all, a full year of running in place 30 seconds each day is better than running for 30 minutes three or four times a week if you abandon the latter after a few workouts because it doesn’t fit into your schedule.

Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth and Happiness (Richard Thaler, Cass Sunstein): Finally! This one has been on my should-read list for a while, and the authors winning the Nobel Prize for Economics finally encouraged me to take the plunge. It was an interesting look at the world of “choice architecture” and how careful design regarding defaults and decision making can be used to help people (or for evil … your choice). I still haven’t figured out a way to make not littering easier than littering, but it’s always useful to have a bit more evidence in my arsenal.

The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science (Jonathan Haidt): Improving well-being, a spot of history, and scientific backing all rolled into one book—what’s not to like? While some of the writing is slightly more academic than other books listed here, I found this one to be quite enlightening, and worth a read if you’re looking for ways of better understanding and improving your mood.

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Laura Vanderkam): I wouldn’t exactly call this a time-management book. It’s more about being aware of your time, where it goes, and how you can use it better to achieve your goals. While I greatly enjoyed it overall and would definitely recommend it if you’re trying to figure out how to prioritise your activities, the author doesn’t really discuss the fact that time is not created equal. If you spend a day doing a mentally exhausting job, trying to complete your own project(s) in the evening is not necessarily going to yield the best results. Which brings me to …

Two Awesome Hours: Science-Based Strategies to Harness Your Best Time and Get Your Most Important Work Done (Josh Martin): This book fills in some of the gaps of 168 Hours, and is overall a good reminder that (1) multi-tasking doesn’t exist, and (2) be aware of your peak times so you can get your most important work done then, not during the times you’d prefer to be taking a nap.

When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing (Daniel Pink): I love the author’s Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, so queued up his latest book that delves into chronotypes, the importance of harnessing the power of beginnings, middles, and ends, and basically goes beyond what to looking at when is the best time for certain activities. With its engaging writing style and useful summaries, this is a good introduction to the power of timing.

Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade (Robert Cialdini): I am a big fan of the author’s Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (in fact, I read it again this year), so it was great to see this new one out that also deals with the importance of timing, especially as regards influencing. If you are short on time, however, I’d recommend starting with Influence.

Miracle Morning: The 6 Habits That Will Transform Your Life Before 8AM (Hal Elrod): I’ve written about my experience with Miracle Morning before, and in general I still think highly of it. I have to admit I fell off the early-to-rise wagon with the arrival of autumn and darker mornings, but I am hoping that spring will set me back on the right path.

The Art of Thinking Clearly (Rolf Dobelli): If you liked Daniel Kahnehahn’s Thinking Fast and Slow, you should enjoy this book that collects various fallacies and biases into one place. Clear, concise writing and bitesize chapters makes this book great for dipping in and out of while commuting or on the loo.

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that Shape Our Decisions (Dan Ariely): I found Predictably Irrational to be a solid companion to Kahnehahn and Cialdini, and one that had me nodding along as he explained the psychology behind seemingly irrational decisions that everyone makes. If you’ve ever wanted why people tend to choose things that go against their own best interest, this is a good book to start with.

The Dip: The extraordinary benefits of knowing when to quit (and when to stick) (Seth Godin): The problem with being in the middle of something is that you don’t often know exactly how long this phase will last. The enthusiasm of starting something has worn off, the finishing line is not in sight, and you don’t know whether you’ll soon be hitting your stride or hitting a wall. Godin’s book shows how powering through can take you to new heights … but also to be aware that sometimes it’s necessary to abandon ship to stop from going round in circles.

The Long Tail: How Endless Choice is Creating Unlimited Demand (Chris Anderson): This is a book that is often cited as a game changer, and its title is regularly used to describe the opportunity offered by digital technology. I found it interesting to an extent, but with of an original publication date of 2006, it already felt out of date. Overall it’s a decent reference, but I would suggest looking for more recent take on the long tail phenomenon.

TED Talks: The official TED guide to public speaking: Tips and tricks for giving unforgettable speeches and presentations (Chris Anderson): This was a book that popped up on Amazon as a result of reading The Long Tail, and since I had my own forthcoming talk to give at the time, I decided to give it ago. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to give their own powerful presentations, learn what goes on behind the scenes at TED, or is just interested in what some of Anderson’s recommended TED talks are.

Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Life (Gretchen Rubin): Occasionally books just don’t work for me and this was one of them. The author’s tone comes across as holier-than-thou, and what she typically describes aren’t habits but behaviours (yes, there is a difference). She lost me with an impassioned defence of diet soda, despite current scientific studies showing that they’re equally as bad (or worse) than regular cola (carbonation alone is even shown to increase calorie consumption). This cherry picking of evidence doesn’t sit well with me, so I moved on to Mini Habits, which I would recommend instead.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway (Susan Jeffers): This is a classic of the self-help genre and there is a good reason for that: it is the one book that I would recommend to anyone feeling a bit stuck. It simultaneously serves as a kick up the backside and a warm hug.

Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life (Susan David): Some may find Feel the Fear a tad too New Age-y. In that case, I would recommend Emotional Agility as it is an engaging, practical book grounded in psychology and academic research. If that still seems too airy-fairy for you, may I recommend …

The Chimp Paradox (Steve Peters): There’s a very good reason the author is used by a number of athletes to help improve their performance: this is another classic that will help you look at your brain and emotions in a completely different way. If neither of the previous two books worked for you with regards to reprogramming troublesome thoughts and breaking out of existing ruts, then this one should do the trick.

Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long (David Rock): I loved this book. Rock uses storytelling to get his point across about how the brain works, especially when dealing with problematic work situations. This blend of fact and fiction works incredibly well together to help the reader remember the neuroscience and lessons he is trying to impart.

Bounce: The Myth of Talent and the Power of Practice (Matthew Syed): Both this and Gladwell’s Outliers make the point that often what we perceive as talent is in fact the result of hundreds or thousands of hours of practice. But not just any practice or rote activity: it must be deliberate, with feedback, so that improvements can be made. I enjoyed both books, so would recommend reading them back to back to aid in remembering the points made by the authors.

Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell): See above.

Smartcuts (Shane Snow): First of all, I have no idea why this book is considerably cheaper as a paperback than on Kindle, but if you’re interested in it, get the physical version instead. Second, this is a fun, fascinating read through real-life ways of skipping up the career ladder. Even if you’re happy with your current rung (and quite frankly half of the books listed here are about being happy where you are now), I strongly recommend this as it is an entertaining read.

Never Split the Difference: Negotiate As If Your Life Depended On It (Chris Voss): As a former FBI hostage negotiator, Voss has written a compelling book that makes you re-think how you interact with people. This was another favourite and one that I am already planning to read again sometime over the coming year.

Dear Fahrenheit 451 (Annie Spence): This is a bit of light reading that I absolutely loved. Quite simply it’s a librarian’s letters to her books, and if you are an avid reader or book collector then you’ll understand it perfectly.

Rivers of London series (Ben Aaronovitch): The only proper fictional entry on this list, but one which I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone who is looking for a laugh (with a bit of darkness thrown in). Imagine Harry Potter crossed with Law & Order and a soupçon of the best sci-fi comedy writing and you’ll get close. Start with Rivers of London, then proceed to Moon Over Soho, Whispers Underground, Broken Homes, Foxglove Summer, and The Hanging Tree.

I also squeezed in a few old favourites:

The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg): I am a bit obsessed with how habits can be used to improve lives, and the underpinning neuroscience behind habit formation and changing habits is absolutely fascinating.

Black Box Thinking: The Surprising Truth about Success (Matthew Syed): If you haven’t read this, you’re missing out. Both it and Syed’s Bounce work well together to underscore that perfection doesn’t exist, but that constantly striving for improvement is a better way forward.

12 Week Year (Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington): I am currently using this system to help me focus on goals I want to accomplish and prioritise activities; it uses the psychology of small wins and short time periods to motivate, and it’s one that I would recommend if you want to accomplish a lot in a limited period of time.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Robert Cialdini): This is a fascinating view of common compliance techniques and ways around them; very useful for the next time someone offers you a free sample.

What are some of your favourite books of the past year? Drop me a line or share them on Facebook.

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airadam · 6 years

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Episode 101 : Staying Power

"Gotta risk a life just in order to make a living."

- Le$

This month, we keep things at a moderate-to-low tempo, allowing you to conserve some energy as autumn draws in; all you need to do is keep that head bobbing!

If you're anywhere near Manchester, don't miss out on the Juice Crew on November 13th.

Twitter: @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Redman : The Saga Continues (Da Countdown)

Apologies for the sound quality - the vinyl I have sounds pretty grungy to begin with! This (from "Ill At Will Vol.1") was the first track I think I heard Redman talking about his Gilla House label on, and he is seriously hyped up! Killer beat too, and great use of the Dre sample for the opening and the hook.

Alchemist : Stuck To You

A nice beat from Alchemist's "Rapper's Best Friend" beat compilation, later used on the similarly named "Stuck On You" by Prodigy on his excellent "Return Of The Mac" mixtape.

Natural Elements : DroNEs

A new release from one of my favourite crews! Natural Elements spit lyrics about government surveillance over the beat from the classic "Clones" by The Roots. The call-and-response motif on the piano is a killer, and the beat as a whole is spare enough to avoid overpowering any MCs - as though that would ever be a concern with these three...

Raekwon : Nothing

One of those tracks where the radio version definitely has the edge over the uncensored album one! Raekwon stays bringing that low-key gangster talk on this cut from his latest LP, "The Wild". Production is by Frank G, who cooks up a nasty beat - slowing down a classic soul drum break and topping it all off with that vocal sample that forms the foundation of the hook.

Jay-Z ft. Frank Ocean : Caught Their Eyes

The vibe on this selection from "4:44" fits in pretty well here I think. Jay is in scalding form, talking about surviving the world around him on the first verse and then talking raw about the administrators of Prince's estate on the second. Production is by No I.D, who also gets points for finishing the track with the sample of Joseph Welch asking of Senator McCarthy "at long last, have you left no sense of decency?" - I wonder if we'll reach a political moment like that in the near future...

Count Bass D ft. Snoop Dogg : Too Much Pressure

Brand new 2017 release from two veterans in the art. Count Bass D comes through with some low-speed synth funk that perfectly suits the mellow Snoop vocals.

Terrace Martin presents The Pollyseeds : Chef Dubble E

The Pollyseeds are Terrace Martin's band, and they are seriously skilled musicians - those who caught them at Band on the Wall will have experienced that first-hand. Their new album "Sounds of Crenshaw Vol.1" is kind of jazzy, kind of groovy, definitely genuine and absolutely worth your time for a listen. I just love the low end on this one, bending along with the motif set by the rest of the musicians and forcing you to feel it as you turn the volume up!

Scram Jones ft. Saigon : No Surprise

Nice little track from the "Dead Giveaway" free EP - released exactly four years ago on Halloween 2013. Scram and Saigon tell their own stories of their introductions to Hip-Hop and how they came to work together on a chilled, guitar-led instrumental.

M-Dot ft. Method Man and Dominique Larue : Shine

I've only just found out that this record was released as a single, and that was all the way back in 2014! My first hearing of this was as part of the new "Ego And The Enemy" LP from Boston's M-Dot. If you think you hear an Eminem-ish tone on the closing verse, you're not the only one - I had to double-check the credits! Columbus MC Dominique Larue of the group Heresy is someone I hadn't heard before but will definitely be checking based on her bars here, and a feature from Meth just puts the icing on things. Soulplusmind provides the production - the change-up for the hook is what does it for me on this beat.

Dubbul O x Clay : Commence

Quality from the Room 2 camp out of Manchester. Dubbul O always heats up the mic and Clay gives him a solid beat to get busy on. Available as a "name your price" release on Bandcamp and once again...this B-side wins.

Ras Kass : Eyes Don't Lie

This is one of my headphone regulars finally finding its way onto the podcast! It's slightly awkward to mix with the "eyes don't lie" refrain being three bars rather than an even number, but that's just a concern for us DJs :) Ski produces this tune from Ras' "Institutionalized Vol. 2" mixtape, and Ras is excellent on the mic as per usual.

Pete Rock & CL Smooth : Get On The Mic (Instrumental)

Both of the Pete & CL albums are 100% must-owns for any Hip-Hop fan, and when I saw an instrumental version of "The Main Ingredient" on vinyl a while back, it had to be grabbed. Just enjoy Pete Rock's SP-1200 mastery on this one.

Dilated Peoples : Let Your Thoughts Fly Away

Big shout out to my man Gez, who bought me the excellent "Directors of Photography" album for my birthday a few years back! This is my favourite track on there, but at around 73bpm, a tough one to find other records to go with; I'd been saving it and found a great spot for it here. Diamond D kills it with this beat, another one with a slightly unusual bar count, putting some bump on a wicked jazz-rock sample. Rakaa Iriscience and Evidence go back and forth with short six-bar verses, coming through crystal clear at this laid-back speed.

Hus Kingpin ft. Milano Constantine and DJ Q-Bert : Serotonin High

When I heard that Big Ghost Ltd had produced an album, I had to get it - someone with such a well-documented high bar for what he considers to be hard enough (and a relentless disregard for the weak) would surely come through with the goods. He takes the helm for the "Cocaine Beach" project by NY-raised, L.A-resident MC Hus Kingpin (aka Lord Wavy), which is on that experimental street vibe that fans of someone like Roc Marciano will appreciate. This cut bangs along with the gravelly vibes of Hus and guest Milano Constantine of DITC painting street brushstroke over the top. The absolute capper, though, is the appearance of legendary turntablist DJ Q-Bert, who shows stunning control on his patterns here. Definitely an album to check - though a short one, at around 38 minutes.

Ken Dawg : Playa In Me

I picked up the "Mo Thugs Family Scriptures" album way back in 1996 for one reason - it was a bargain. I wasn't even into the Bone Thugs sound, but found a few gems on there that I enjoyed, and this was one of them. This was Ken Dawg's first release, and he was featured on projects as late as 2003. He may not have a deep catalogue or the most dazzling wordplay, but all the same he made a good record here!

Children Of Zeus : I Can't Wait

Konny Kon and Tyler Daly are continuing to build momentum towards the completion and release of their debut album, but for now they're feeding the people something to hold us over. The "The Story So Far..." compilation brings together all the tracks they've had out on Soundcloud and Bandcamp up to now (some of which you'll have heard on the podcast), and is an absolutely essential purchase. Soulful as always, this track is one of their latest releases, still bringing some sunshine as we approach the winter months!

The Cool Kids : Popcorn (Instrumental)

Found this one on the "Gone Fishing : Instrumentals" collection - truthfully, not even my favourite beat on there, but not only does the speed come in right where I need it to, but the vocal samples form a counterpoint to the Children of Zeus track that comes before!

Le$ : 45 South

I think Spotify Radio brought this one to my attention after a playlist of mine ran out, but it grabbed me on the first listen. Le$ is an MC out of Houston (but born in New Orleans) who's been associated with the Boss Hogg Outlawz and Curren$y's Jet Life click, and really seems to represent a new wave of talent coming from the city. He gives you some of what you might expect lyrically but definitely drops some other gems in amongst it all, weaving politics and street/industry politics into the mix. On the beat here is DJ Mr Rogers, with a slow track very much in the Houston tradition and perfect for a SLAB. I definitely need to sit down with the "Midnight Club" album off the back of this one!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

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