#which could’ve been good!

[youngpettyqueen]

gotta say, carry you, carry me is one of my fav fics in the fandom. pretty please?

Ok first of all that’s so sweet I’m gonna cry

carry you, carry me was surprisingly tricky. It was my first MASH fic ever, before it I honestly hadn’t written all that much fic! So that came with a lot of challenges

For one thing, nailing the characters was HARD. The MASH style of dialogue fits really well with my style already, seeing as I was raised on that style of humour, so that helped. But trying to capture the internal monologues was hard. BJ was very hard to nail down, and one of the reasons I picked him as my POV character because I realized Hawkeye would be even harder. I’ve since grown accustomed to writing them both, and I love writing for both of them, but it was a big struggle at first

My favourite sequence to write in that fic was the aftermath of Preventative Medicine. I looooove Preventative Medicine, but I hate how the ending tries to frame BJ as being in the right. I also wish we’d gotten a proper aftermath of it, because we never really get any. I wanted Hawkeye to have a messy, ugly breakdown over it if I’m being totally honest, so I tried my hand at having him have exactly that in the fic

Hawkeye’s breakdown is meant to be very reminiscent of BJ’s upcoming breakdown in Period of Adjustment. He gets blackout drunk and goes on a tirade, much like BJ will, but unlike BJ, Hawkeye’s focusing all of his anger on himself. This scene is Hawkeye at a very low point, dealing with a whole new level of self-loathing and disgust and rage. Again, I think Hawkeye was in the right in Preventative Medicine, but he does quite literally yell at BJ that he hates himself. I wanted to explore that, really show it, really get into Hawkeye having a nasty, drunken breakdown because he hates himself and he hates what he had to do. He’s in the right, yes, but that doesn’t make the situation any easier to deal with

I also wanted BJ to have to wrestle with it. I think it’s fair of him to have refused to partake, I like that he stuck to his morals, but I hate that he was framed as being in the right. He simply isn’t. And I think there should’ve been a scene where he had to reckon with the ugly fallout of it and his own guilt. He didn’t actually try all that hard to stop Hawkeye, he stood by and let him do it, and now he’s falling apart. He can’t make himself be angry anymore cause he’s just plain worried- Hawkeye’s a wreck and he doesn’t know what to do about it. I ultimately have him focus on Hawkeye and taking care of him, which distracts him from his anger and drums up sympathy he doesn’t particularly want, and in the end he really just can’t make himself be angry anymore

While the rest of this fic is lighter and focuses more on the comfort of hurt/comfort, this section is very much about the hurt. That’s why I end it with BJ calling Sidney, because I think Sidney was definitely needed after the events of Preventative Medicine. I bring Hawkeye to a really low point, I deliberately included this bit-

“BJ feels a spike of annoyance, despite himself. He takes a steadying breath. “That’s not what I meant,” He says, his voice level, “I’m not worried about what you’ll do. I’m worried about you. How much have you had to drink?” He asks.

“Not enough,” Hawkeye snips back, “I’m still alive.”

BJ knows he isn’t joking. Even when he’s low, even when he’s at his worst, Hawkeye is very obvious with his jokes. And right now, he isn’t joking. Not in the slightest. “That’s not funny.” He says anyways.

“I wasn’t trying to be.” Hawkeye growls.”

-to make it clear this wasn’t going to be joking around. It only escalates from this point, with Hawkeye getting angrier and louder until he cracks and breaks, but this specific bit was the real indicator of how bad it was

BJ’s Period of Adjustment breakdown follows soon after this in the fic. I rewrote that section more times than I can count. One of the original drafts was a 5 + 1 which was going to be 5 times BJ carried Hawkeye and 1 time Hawkeye returned the favour, so this scene was originally a lot longer and more detailed. I ultimately scrapped a lot of it once I did away with the 5 + 1 structure

Originally I’d actually written the entire scene of BJ actually seeing the shiner he gave Hawkeye. I did like it, but I couldn’t make it fit with the rest of the section, and it was starting to feel too angsty. I really wanted the Preventative Medicine breakdown to be the punch in the teeth in this fic, and including a ton of detail in this section felt very distracting, so I decided to shorten it and keep only what I felt was necessary to convey the feelings I wanted to convey. What mattered to me most was the parallel between Hawkeye and BJ’s respective breakdowns, so I kept what I needed for that, and also what I needed to make the point that Hawkeye carries BJ in his own way

#fic bitching #mash #another fun fact is every section of this fic #I at one point had written in greater detail #including the very short sections #but it was all. a bit much to put it lightly #so things were shortened and tailored #10.5k is a pretty decent length for a one shot already #the original would’ve been like #15 - 20k #which could’ve been good! #but not the way I had it written #anyways ty for letting me ramble about this one #I hold it near and dear to my heart

[anna-scribbles]

had a conversation last week with a 10 year old girl about the s5 finale and i can’t stop thinking about it. she said nathalie is the best because she loves adrien enough to lie to him about his father so that he stays happy. completely convinced that emilie was resurrected at the end and shocked when i suggested otherwise. i’ve been dying to know what the children think happened and it’s so interesting

#anna rambles #ml s5 #ml season 5 #ml #i personally don’t think that adrien’s gonna find out anything in future seasons #which to me feels unsatisfying #but it’s interesting that (from my sample size of one child) maybe the kids would see that as a good thing #it felt to me like the show was framing it as a good thing at least #so it would be interesting to find out how more of the (young) target audience perceived it #bc i feel like most of the adult fans i’ve seen online assume that adrien will find out or at least would find it unsatisfying if he didnt #when i asked if she thought it could’ve been amelie at the end her jaw dropped and she said ‘no because he’s always down there talking #about how he’s gonna bring his wife back! he says it all the time and that’s what he did!’ #& i was like. girl yeah you’re right😭 that is also what i thought when i saw it😭 #anyway I need to talk to more kids about ml. for science

[the-woman-upstairs]

Forget about the lore, what I wanted to see more of from Madame Web was that week Ben Parker (as portrayed by Adam Scott) spent looking after both his very pregnant sister-in-law AND three random, rambunctious teenage girls.

#madame web #madame web spoilers #not sure if anyone cares about being spoiled for this movie but whatevs #just a terrible film but fun in the way the 2000s Daredevil/Elektra films were fun #and Adam Scott was doing his best- which is why i would love a short or something of that hellish week #something in the vein of jack-jack attack #in all honesty a Birds of Prey-style girl power film for Marvel’s female spider heroes could’ve been really good #unfortunately….😬 this ain’t it

[alma-artts]

How did rufly stop being about lily getting out of her world to do the things she actually wants to do with rufus and start being about rufus staying at home and trying to fit into lily‘s world. Why didn’t she start pursuing her photography, something I had completely forgotten about before rewatching because it’s not mentioned after season 1?? Why did lily start turning into her mother when it came to her children instead of fighting back against that and trying to break the family trauma cycle?? Ik that this is just a part of gg stopping to be about getting out of the UES world and start being about trying to get inside… ugh

#they ruined rufly :( #I mean they were still good but just not what they should have been #also it‘s sooo annoying to me that they didn‘t end up together #I guess it was to make space for derena which is so stupid #first of all it doesn‘t matter they could’ve both ended up together it‘s not that weird #but also WHY did derena end up together ugh?? #it makes absolutely no sense #but that’s a whole different can of worms #anyways justice for what rufly could’ve been #rufly #rufus x lily #rufus humphrey #lily van der woodsen #gossip girl #alma posts

[yellowplumfruit]

my math teacher lets me listen to music while i take tests as long as my headphones are discreet so today i sat down and played my calm hollow knight playlist and. turns out the playlist was not completely calm bc i was suddenly listening to boss music 20 minutes into the test

#it was sealed vessel which. it could’ve been worse #it could’ve been nosk #but this was not the test taking environment i wanted to be in #still got a good score tho!

[ken-katayanagi]

You know, I feel like purgatory would have been a perfect setting for Hazbin Hotel because it's a place people go to before final judgement or death.

YES!! Every time I look into the lore and setting of H4zbin/H3lluva, I wonder why this wasn’t something that was utilized. It would’ve added not only a lot of nuance to Charlie and her motivations, whether or not it took place directly in purgatory or not. If they had remained in hell, purgatory could’ve been an interesting wrinkle in her plan, or something that would’ve explained why all of the angels, not just the exterminators, are so uncaring towards sinners (the idea of “if you deserved a chance you would’ve gotten it).

Or, if Charlie had started the hotel in purgatory, then there could’ve been questions about why a princess of hell wanted to help them. Maybe purgatory is as corrupt as Heaven or Hell, and Charlie’s work is meant to be a criticism of the way institutions meant to help may not actually provide any real support. But the show side steps even mentioning working with these ideas that could’ve given much needed depth to the first ring of Hell.

And To clarify my thought from my last post, I think H4zbin would’ve been better served with a setting akin to magical realism, while maybe borrowing some biblical elements to explain where characters got their powers or legacies from. This would’ve removed a lot of the baggage these biblically based characters come with, making so the characters could’ve just been the characters without us questioning why certain elements aren’t addressed (i.e. Adam, Lucifer, Lilith, etc.).

#ask: Luna-drinker #hazbin hotel critical #I know that a lot of people say that purgatory would break the show but liek?? that just sounds like a fun world building challenge #a lot of the sinners we meet in hazbin aren’t normal sinners. they’re mobsters pimpe serial killers CANNIBALS #these are not people who would’ve traditionally been seen as going to purgatory as well as the fact that it could’ve been interesting #to see if Charlie while in hell got push back from purgatory #and again one of hazbins big things is systematic injustice fighting the man if you will #a corrupt or unproductive purgatory could’ve served this story ALOT #and also just to speculate I think one of the main reasons the show is so rigid and specific is because vizie has been working on it for so #long that I think she was very concerned with getting the specific moments she wanted into the show #which is fair #but ends up harming it’s pacing and world building #and I know it’s common to hate on everything about a show you don’t like but hazbin has a good premise hell a great one #it’s just so frustrating to watch it just. not. with its world

[velvetjune]

Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.

#since the awe dlc dropped I was slightly worried that it was going the meta route of Alan writing everything in control #but since Alan wake 2 I’ve been. thank god that wasn’t the case 😭 #this way makes everything more complicated and mysterious. which I appreciate. makes everything creepier #will say. it’s still wild how much Alan can influence the narrative. #light spoilers for the final draft but—> makes me think of the writers room video where he doesn’t know what he’ll be at the spirals end #like I don’t think he’ll be Evil or anything. but it’s unnerving #might delete #Alan Wake 2 my beloved #so many times in that game it could’ve gone a direction that would’ve lessened or soured the story but somehow it didn’t lmao #more game spoilers but for ex: Alice coming back at the end instead of leaving it with her demise in the documentary #when I first saw that it was devastating. but also wasn’t sure what to feel if that’s how she’s gone from the story #having her actually manipulate her photos. become art to make Alan think she died. go to the dark place and help him and saga #that last video left me Speechless it was so good. #esp after how much I disliked Control (spoilers here) for quickly ending with Dylan in a coma and not much else. #could not be happier with how the AW2 ending played out and the clear love for all its characters #REALLY hope that Control 2 ends in a good or interesting place. give dylan some focus! #not tagging this bc I’m just yelling my thoughts. but knowing tumblr it will somehow be seen on every tag 😵‍💫

[lavenderjewels]

this was the most evil thing that’s ever happened in jjk

#‘don’t get your hopes up’ and my hopes were up #‘I get it’ I don’t!! #nobara kugisaki #jjk spoilers #those panels do imply she’s probably dead #or it looks very grim as in she’s stuck in that state of not breathing right after death #but because the wounds from mahito can’t be healed with rct she’s just Like That #unless someone can change the shape of her soul #which! is still on the table so I’m keeping some hope. but not too much since we’re nearing the end #😔 the fact it’s been over a month since she ‘died’ is. not a good sign unless they could’ve kept her like that #it’s a little similar to megumis situation in that both have remnants of themselves around but are ‘dead’ unless soul shenanagians happen

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks

[shaykai]

Words cannot fully describe just how happy I am that Kohga is alive. My mans fell into a place full of absolute hellish nightmares and went “aw hell yeah time to build things”

He’s so caught up on needing Link’s magic but like- my guy could have a science job with Purah and Robbie with how well he’s handling living in the depths- I think we should be allowed to bring him up to the surface and insist he be given benefits

#also the other yiga members #like yeah haha they’re the silly banana ninjas hahaaaa #but also they currently live in the scariest place and have not only learned how to live there but have made incredible discoveries and #have discovered how an entirely new technology works and have used it to make vehicles by hand #like holy shit they’re just going #somebody get these people a job like can we please recruit them to team good guys???? if nothing else they are an incredible resource #but I would also argue that they’re funny #and with those two things like. yeah. crimes and murder attempts forgiven come on my little banana ninjas #also completely unrelated- and this could’ve been the case in note and I just wasn’t paying attention- but if link wears the yiga mask the #tuft at the top is blonde- which confirms that it’s their hair #and I find that delightful. kohga has super curly hair and I love that for him (I know there’s hair types I just. do not know them dhdjdjdj) #also Sooga has like. the straightest hair known to man and I’m curious about what he did to it to get it to stay in the shape it’s in #anyways #I love them dndjdjjdndnd #anon #ask #loz totk spoilers #legend of zelda tears of the kingdom spoilers #tears of the kingdom spoilers

[virtualdespairr]

we could’ve been… us

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #artists on tumblr #my art #fanart #digital art #aziraphale #Crowley #anthony j crowley #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #michael sheen #david tennant #neil gaiman #we could’ve been us #remember that line about the shades of grey? look which shade of grey they are #mwahaha #sorry lol I have my period and I need to cry so I drew this #angst #this part literally broke me #reblogs appreciated!

[ottiliere]

i am absolutely obsessed with your alpha dave because you just hit that itch for me when it comes to the idea of guardians being the worst version of what their kid version could become. i've always wondered that, if the alpha guardians had the same concept the beta guardians did, how would they be-- especially dave, cause the striders relationships with their guardians are always so like. volatile? just the idea of dave growing up with no one to give him proper attention or care or love, (1/2)

and instead of bettering himself he just turns to the constant attention and eyes of the public when he becomes famous, because he NEEDS attention, he needs people to want him and crave him and look up to him and shit. and alpha dave just going down this spiral of doing more and more wack shit to get the public's attention, doing hard drugs with nasty circles he shouldn't be getting himself in, cause he's constantly chasing after the euphoria of people "loving" him. thats all thank you for listening to me go on and on like a maniac. tldr alpha dave being the worst version of who dave can be is an idea i am absolutely obsessed with partially due to your interpretations of him. ur art and ideas are stellar about the striders (2/2)

oh my god I love you. yes this very much how i envision alpha dave to be and it really falls into my stringent devotion to the concept of "universal karma" i.e. where beta dirk strider was so aloof and in his own head alpha dave strider must exist as an extreme direct inverse of that. needy, demanding, overbearing. this man, much like beta dirk, was not built to be a guardian. I think he kind of sucks super bad and it's so awesome. i could go on and on and on about this but I already have another ask in my drafts about him that’s hit 1k words with no end in sight and who knows when that’ll be ready. thank you for your kind observations. picture me smiling at you right now.

#alpha dave strider #ask #lucy art #I would have given him a coke nail here if I thought I could’ve make it look good #and also. like. tangentially. but very related. #the reason i view him as a cocaine addict isn't just because ohhhh hollywood superstar of course he does drugs #though that definitely enables his access #coke is a death trap for those with no spine and no self esteem because it makes you feel on top of the world. #if you're miserable and spiralling if you're insecure whether or not everyone in the room hates you you can snort a line #and abruptly perceive yourself to be the hottest shit ever #have read stories of many doing coke and thinking they're the life of the party only to be told afterwards that they were being a jackass #there are many such cases of diffident actors becoming cocaine addicts for these reasons #and that everyone hated them for being there #that's fundamentally dave to me #definitely a product of the environment. I think he has ALWAYS been quite insecure but in an environment like this the stakes are amplified #like it's a social game. everything is a social game there. and he is NOT a naturally confident man #the thing is with a lot of the high-profile coke addict actors the thing is like. they're alone. or they perceive themselves to be alone. #alone in hollywood afraid they're just not cutting it not fitting in with the scene not making ''friends'' #which is really more attributable to the social scene being so cutthroat and highschoolesque #a bunch of self-centered preps who would be nobodies if they hadn't grown up in wealthy families and shit like that #and I don't think dave would've come from an upbringing like this at all. alienated this guy craves attention and peer approval #doses and mimosas.flac #this is almost opposite of my view of dirk and i often use dave as a tuning fork for him #i had typed up a whole essayramble here and when i saved tumblr wiped out half the tags. did not realize there was a limit. #i suppose i will save to topic i discussed for its own post. thank you all for reading my tags as usual #sorry i edited your three asks into two asks so this post wouldn't get super long. hope you don't mind.

[jadegreengemini]

I feel like I’m going crazy with everyone talking about how good the pjo show is 😭

#pjo tv crit #it’s like… bad tho #like don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying it #but as an adaptation it’s changing too many core elements of the books and making them worse #(im looking at you Gabe and Sally) #and as a show it’s so poorly paced with such weightless action that nothing feels truly dangerous #*except for the percy being poisoned thing… that was the first time they did something right #like again I’m enjoying it (Grover is my favorite character) but I’m enjoying it even though it’s bad not cause it’s good #could’ve been good in a different world but it just isn’t which is so dissapointing #some of the things they add could’ve added to the overall story #like this version of Medusa was slay and what they’re doing with Athena is cool #but so much of it is either just a bad show or a really bad version of pjo #the movies suck for the same reason the show doesn’t work for me-they’re misunderstanding why the books work #idk I feel like I’m going crazy cause I haven’t seen people mention the things that feel glaringly obvious

[pollenallergie]

do people with adhd have special interests? do we do that? cause i’ve been in my free willy shark week marine biology era for a solid decade now and like shit has not changed.

#ik i say i have audhd. and my therapist and i definitely think i do. #but my psychiatrist won’t diagnose me bc i am a woman and apparently this is still the 90s ig #so idk lately i’ve been having an identity crisis and being like… do i even have it??? if i can’t get a diagnosis?? #like yeah this specific psychiatrist won’t diagnose me but i’ve been to other psychiatrists in the past?? #so like if i had it wouldn’t they have caught it?? #and like yeah my cousin has it but who knows he could’ve gotten that from his dad’s side of the family not his mom’s (my aunts) #idk big crisis over here #it’s also been like months since i last saw my therapist which is just not good… #but yeah idk if i have autism? and now i feel like shit for essentially diagnosing myself as being audhd based on like nothing #so now i’m just trying to see if all this shit that i thought was maybe autism is actually just my adhd or ocd #or just like a fun non-disordered quirk #also i am very embarrassed about the way i talked about autism on here when i thought i had it now that i’m not sure #like it feels very rude and offensive in retrospect #so i��m very very genuinely sorry for that #that just was not okay for me to do #i promise to be better going forward and i’m very sorry #pol’s diary <3

[citrucee]

really fuckin sick and tired of feeling like a poorly multiclassed dnd character

#txt #delete later #i am level 1 in 5 things which means #i can do beginner shit in a bunch of different areas #while people who specialize even just a little more #are leaps and bounds ahead #idk i feel like im not even that good of an artist anymore #since my attention split i haven’t been dedicated as much time to learning art #but because my attention is split on like 60% art im not doing nearly enough of other skills to get good at those either #it’s like the most inefficient splitting of attention i could’ve ever gone for #no game dev my site is still not fucking done i haven’t coded no animations no comics #no music (with pain) #and no great improvement in art either now on top of all of this #just feels like i’m losing #but hey ‘better than a master of one’ amiright

[quietwingsinthesky]

About Casifer, I actually liked Misha's acting in the vessel and was exited about what was next only to be disappointed in the following episodes.

Misha had the ability to have an interesting character but for some reason didn't delivered.

Yeah, that’s why I’m saying it’s probably a combination of the writing, directing, and the acting. I’m not too sure how Misha would have done if the Lucifer we got in s11 was more. Lucifer. And less ‘evil guy with no real goals except be evil’. Considering how well he was able to pull off Castiel’s inhumanity in s4, I think he might have made for a decent Lucifer (classic edition).

Like I said, he’s not a bad actor! It’s just that in this specific role, what he was given to work with apparently made him decide it was a great idea to lean into a kind of acting that reminds me way too much of guys from my high school doing their Joker impressions. I can’t unsee it when I’m watching him.

(And then there’s the fact that s11 did not know what the hell it wanted to do with Lucifer once they broke him out of the Cage, or what the fuck his motivations were regarding the Darkness, or even THAT HE IS NOT THE FIRSTBORN SON. (im sorry i can’t ever let that go, how do you mess up your own show’s lore that badly. the only conceivable way I can think of is that they Needed Lucifer to be a Dean-Cain-Amara parallel and didn’t stop to remember that he was the younger sibling in his version of this same old story.))

#that last bit. again. not misha’s fault. #but indicative of the casifer arc as a whole. it did not know what it was. it did not know who this character was. #which ends up fucking up lucifer for the rest of the show too. #like yes the seeds of this are planted in the hallucifer arc but that was still. a hallucination. could’ve come back from that. #s11 sets the standard for Lucifer from then on and it. annoys me. #I do find it more bearable when he is being played by mp though. you may make of that what you will. #either it’s because he’s legitimately good at bringing depth to bad writing. or he’s just got the benefit of having been this guy IN s5. #or I just want to get him pregnant. also a possibility alsjfkfjfk. #anyway. casifer arc. bad. and supremely unsexy which should not be allowed for the season lucifer touches Sam’s soul. #ask