#which is only somewhat balances by the risk of 3

[bitimdrake]

(re: your tags here)

do you know if any character has ever experienced "pit madness" in canon, or if it was completely fabricated by canon? (i know it's a thing on the cw shows, but i'm pretty sure the jason headcanons came before that)

OKAY it's been twelve years since you sent this, but I'm back to dc brain so let's go.

So if the question you're asking is if a character has ever experienced something that fits the common fanon applied to Jason--an effect referred to as "pit madness" that lasts for years after being dunked in a Lazarus Pit, causes sudden bouts of dissociative rage, and may or may not make eyes glow--the answer is a flat no.

But if the question is if characters have experienced any negative aftereffects of the pit, the answer is yes definitely!! If your story has something that can bring back the dead, it's gotta have drawbacks. (Though on occasion a character will avoid all drawbacks entirely.)

The Lazarus Pit is a magical plot device, so it has a range of effects depending on the story. But they can be divided into three categories, which map to three distinct narrative purposes:

Uncontrollable violence and anger right after being dunked, BUT!!! for minutes at most. A Lazarused not-Bruce gets dunked and then flies back to Gotham in Batman & Robin, and Damian explicitly says that he can't possibly still be under the effects of the pit because it would have long-since faded after an international flight. Cass goes through it in Batgirl, and is snapped out of it in like one minute. Dinah starts canary-crying her head off and nearly killing her friends in Birds of Prey, but she gets knocked out and is totally fine once she wakes up. (narrative usage: for heroes who will soon return to their status quo)

A long-term shift in personality towards, vaguely speaking, something more evil--but specifically after repeated exposure. Ra's's continual usage of the pit is on-and-off theorized as part of the reason he is the way he is. This effect might be referred to as madness by some characters, but, you know, not the angry type of "mad". (narrative usage: for villains)

Extreme awful fringe-effects, typically on bodies that were way too far gone for the pit to be a reliable method of resurrection. It's why Bruce was (at least?) once extremely against his parents being dropped in, because who knows what might have come out. Mr. Freeze used the pit for his wife in Batgirl and she came out a firey rage monster reanimating zombies. Sometimes bad shit happens. (narrative usage: for minor characters who will be quickly dispatched)

The overall outcome is that (a) characters are very nervous about using the pit, because there's a chance it might just turn its victim into a horrible twisted evil version of themself forever, and (b) when that doesn't happen, the victim is pretty much fine after a few minutes.

Just maybe don't make a habit of it.

Jason Todd Addendum: Contrary to popular fanon, Jason never even went through the first option! (Nor, obviously, the third.) He was one of the lucky ones to come out of the pit seemingly normal. The pit never gave him any anger! at all! ever! His anger is 100% homemade!

However, Talia in Lost Days notes he's disconcertingly cold and uncaring, which could be an indication he's experiencing option two despite only going in once--but that could just easily be explained by trauma. We'll never know for sure.

#* #ask #anon #*dc #dc #dc comics #dc meta #keeping this post to just general information #but since i get to go on tangents in the tags... #just wanna mention that my hatred of the fanon 'pit madness' is not because the concept of the pit causing rage is bad #i DO think there should be a significant drawback here #honestly the fact that 1 is so mild kinda fucks with the narrative and makes you wonder why people don't use the pit more #which is only somewhat balances by the risk of 3 #BUT NO the reason that i fucking hate the fanon #is because it is 100% used to exonerate jason of actions that in canon he took WILLINGLY and OF HIS OWN VOLITION #he was not forced into any of it (by magically pit means nor by human manipulation) #he decided to do that stuff because it's what he wanted to do #and ignoring that is imo sooooo much less interesting for the character and story #like idc him suddenly snapping out of it and having perfect morals is boring. force him to actually change his mind and grapple with it #(not to mention that this made up 'oh but he wasn't in control' shit is often used to unfairly throw others under the bus #when their actions DO make sense in the context of canon jason doing bad shit intentionally) #oh fuck this tag ramble was long oops #...fine #jason todd

[a-d-nox]

web of wyrd: the flow

the number we are focusing on today is based on the SUM OF TERTIARY KARMIC LESSON NUMBER AND MONETARY BLOCKING NUMBER (ex: my flow number is 17: 9 + 8 = 17 (recall that numbers must be summed a second time if they total 23 (i.e. 2 + 3 = 5) and above)).

but what does this number mean?

this number represents how you can keep the flow open with the universe - if you want to receive things from the universe, you have to keep this number in balance. want love? want money? want opportunities? keep this number balanced.

so let's talk about some examples:

9 - the hermit

click here for the card description of the hermit found in a prior wyrd web post.

unbalanced 9s fear the world around them and often isolate, not wanting to risk what they have. they fear evaluating why they have issues gaining, why they fear risk, why are so desperately clinging to what they have, etc. spending too much time alone and apart from the world only stops them from having opportunities. they might be blocking out too many opinions of others - they should know aren't the only one with good ideas. they should listen to others perceptive on their situation. they should take a risk - they should break away from what they know.

balanced 9s spend time with themselves to have a better idea of what they want from the universe, so they know what they are looking to gain. they have deep knowledge of what they need and want - they can distinguish between the two as well. they take breaks from being out in the world to regroup and recenter, but they don't hide out from the outside world. they connect to their thoughts and ideas on how to gain while also taking into account the thoughts and opinions of others (but only with a grain of salt). they take risks without waiting for the permission of others because they know they are capable of taking on the world on their own.

13 - death

click here for the card description of death found in a prior wyrd web post.

unbalanced 13s cling to what they have and experience hoarding like tendencies. they have to realize they must give what they want in order for reciprocity to be experienced. they are often stuck in the past - they think about who they used to be with and what they used to have instead of thinking about what they could have and who they could be with. they have to let go in order to receive. they need to stop thinking about how their relationships once were and let them grow/change. they should quit their job when it no longer serves them and trust they can find something else.

balanced 13s remember that they and the world around them is constantly changing. they go with the flow, and the flow provides for them in turn. despite feeling somewhat uncomfortable through all the changes of life, they still appreciate the shifts in the world around them. they take comfort in knowing something more suitable to where they presently are is coming into their life. they are ready to move forward on the path of life no matter which way they are headed.

17 - the star

click here for the card description of the star found in a prior wyrd web post.

unbalanced 17s lack faith in the universe and often feel hopeless about their prospects in life. but there is no right or wrong path for them, only a blank canvas. they are prone to giving up before even trying. they need to trust that it takes time - the universe takes time. they need to be hopeful and trust that they can do anything. they might be unwilling to heal from past relationships and thus lack hope they they can find a more suitable connection. they don't tend to follow up on their ideas of how to make money either.

balanced 17s accept change and welcome the future. they have faith and hope that the universe will bring better into their lives. they let their creative ideas flow, so they can come up with new ways to make money and meet people. they use their talents to excel in the world. they take time to heal and get through previous romantic trauma, so they could do better in the next relationship they have. they trust that their romantic life is guided spiritually, and they are being lead to their best options/opportunities. they are open to inspired thoughts on how they can do better.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my "suggest a post topic." button if you want to see a specific pac/pile next! if you'd like my input on how i read a specific card or what i like to ask my deck, feel free to use the ask button for that as well.

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

#astrology #astro community #astro placements #astro chart #asteroid astrology #asteroid #astrology tumblr #tarot witch #tarotblr #tarot #daily tarot #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #tarotscope #tarot reading #tarot deck #the hermit #wyrd web #web of wyrd #the wyrd

[button-kin-games]

Development Diary: Jude's World, Part 5

I am in a pickle with my in-development, a solo journaling game about a plucky preteen protagonist struggling to reunite their warring parents. I’ve done my third play test and come up against a real stinker of a problem: part of the game just isn’t fun.

We talk a lot about 'mechanics', which risks giving the impression that a game is only a thing that needs to work smoothly and efficiently. As if the rules only need to work. But clearly they also need to do a bunch of other things, not least turn process into play. Spark joy, if you will.

I currently have mechanics that work. You can surely play the game as it stands. And about half of the game is also actually fun. What’s not working, in compliance with sod’s law, is the part where I expended the most effort pre-play testing: the storylines.

The idea is to have players have to repeatedly choose whether to spend their time and resources trapping Jude’s parents or to spend it on adding and advancing their storylines. These would be things like having a first job or a first crush, or dealing with the school bully. Seemed like a good idea. In practice though, I just… didn’t want to write about those. And now I need to think about why. I have a few ideas, some easy to grapple with, others not so much.

Problem 1: Who even is Jude? Why should I care?

The current character creation process is a tarot spread that builds the story of Jude’s parents’ relationship. It’s well structured and the prompts work. I’ve found that I come out of this step feeling attached to these two characters, which is good. Meanwhile the character players will play as, their child Jude, is somewhat of a mystery. I need to fix that.

Problem 2: Not enough structure, no limitations

It’s forever the case that creativity thrives on limitations. Currently the storylines are just a set of prompts for potential diary entries. I worried while writing them that I was being overly-prescriptive with what might happen to Jude, but in play I found myself not knowing where to start. I paused, unsure. That’s the kind of friction that will make a lot of players put their pens down and look for something else to do. Myself included. I need to think hard about what would make these more engaging. More structure to limit the choices? In game rewards? A sense that these storylines are creating growth in your protagonist? Or just better, more enticing prompts?

Problem 3: You could easily just not bother

The storylines are mechanically distinct from the rest of the game. They were intended as a balance to the traps, which keys in to one essential theme of the game: it’s not healthy for a preteen to be fully focussed on their parents’ relationship. That balance isn’t baked into any of the mechanics, though. Right now a player could easily just blast through the traps without ever writing about Jude’s life outside of parent trapping. It’s tempting to create a rule that forces engagement with storylines in order to access traps, but that feels aggressive and unlikely to result in fun. Making the storylines fun and easy to write is paramount.

I have a LOT to think about and progress has been slow. Glacial, in fact. Of course it’s January so I’m doing some traditional new year’s reflection and life rebalancing, which will hopefully result in more writing time. Wish me luck!

#indie ttrpg #solo ttrpg #ttrpg #ttrpg dev

[snowdust64]

桜魔大戦譚 (ōma taisen tan) - story and character basics

VΔLZ fandom, hello! So far I have not seen any English translations of the story chapters that VΔLZ is releasing little by little on YouTube. This post is to establish some background info.

----- Explanation of the title -----

大戦譚 (taisen tan) sounds poetic and grand, and I favor translating it as "Great War Chronicles."  

     大 = big/great/important      戦 = war/battle/combat      譚 = tales/lore/legends/etc., a classier word for 'story'

Therefore, my translation of the title is:  "Ouma Great War Chronicles"

Side note: I've seen the name of VΔLZ's home nation translated as both Ouma Empire and Ouma Kingdom. These are both accurate; however, I'd like to add that the word 皇国 (kōkoku) literally means 'emperor nation' and implies a government structure with an emperor or similar royalty at the top.

----- Story setting, directly translated from the opening narration in episode 1. -----

In the place called the Ouma Empire, there exist People, Gods, and Demons. 

"People," referring to humankind; "Gods," referring to the beings who, gaining power through people's faith, bring benefit to people; and "Demons," referring to the beings who cause harm to people.

Such was the Ouma Empire, which at a certain time, was struck with natural disasters and epidemics, famines and so on, an array of catastrophes.

In the rebuilding of the nation, the era was renamed "Shinwa." Borrowing power from Gods, People exorcised Demons and the nation was resurrected.

Suppose, when Demons should appear, and nothing can be done with the People's power alone; The People pray and make offerings to the Gods, seeking peace.

In answer, the Gods grant them wisdom and talismans and such. Thus, under the protection of the Gods, People exorcise Demons, and the nation shall be maintained.

In this way, the Ouma Empire's People, Gods, and Demons came to coexist in balance and comprise the nation.

And so, the fifth year of the Shinwa Era – The present

T/N:  神和 (shinwa) breaks down into:       神 - god/heavenly/divine/etc.      和 - peace/calm/harmony

----- Character descriptions from their official website for this project: valz-official.com/story -----

Kaida Haru - "A researcher at an institution of the Ouma Empire who studies Demons. He takes pride in his brilliant analytical skills and knowledge, however, has a calm and somewhat airheaded personality." Vertical text: "Great innovations come with risks, that's a given."

Nagao Kei - "An exorcist at an institution of the Ouma Empire. Not only is he a master in swordsmanship and martial arts, but also in magic and sealing spells. He commands a large number of excellent subordinates." Vertical text: "The wicked will perish by my hand. Both demons and humans alike!"

Genzuki Tōjirō - "A government official of the Ouma Empire. He may converse and negotiate with the Gods. Soft-spoken, he excels in preventing conflict with his crisis management skills." Vertical text: "Again with the Gods' selfish requests... Can't be helped, leave this to me."

=====

The story does not represent the history prior to their debut as streamers and will have no relation to their current activities as streamers. Please consider it a parallel world where they stayed in their old jobs in the Ouma Empire.

The split between the VΔLZ members and the characters they voice is further denoted by the character names. They are using the same surnames, but their given names have been changed to hiragana.

(This is summarized from Kaida's free-chat stream on 3/12/24, starting at 24:36)

=====

I may come back to edit/update this post if I catch minor inaccuracies.

#vδlz #kaida haru #nagao kei #genzuki tojiro #nijisanji #english translation #ouma taisen tan #ouma great war chronicles

[nohoney]

is it so bad if you need me?

notes: oof i kid you not i changed this story like four times to fit what i think i wanted out of it and that’s partly why it took so long. there were three different drafts i made and did a lot of revising. two of them too wordy and one another that was too complicated but whoo, it’s finally released. childhood friend keigo had my heart in a death grip for a while and i just want to be so soft with him, especially after seeing the side chapter about him coming home to no one (cries for him).

warnings: 18+, angsty if you squint your eyes you might be able to see some fluff, pining, slight age gap (3 years), reader has low self esteem, drug use, one mention of domestic violence, somewhat unhealthy relationship (but not necessarily toxic), sort of dubcon, soft-ish sex

words: 11.1k

summary:

“I love you.”

You choke back a sob and shake your head, brokenly asking, “Why?”

Does he need a reason to give?

He just does.

When he was a kid, a gap of three years made the biggest difference to Keigo.

He’d seen you like an older sister to him, holding his hand to lead him around, petting his head and telling him good job when he showed you the scribble of his name on paper, and even carrying him on your back when the two of you got tired playing at the park and it was time to get back to your neighborhood. You seemed like the most amazing girl on the planet to him as he remembers fond memories of you climbing at the top of the jungle gym or also buying him an ice cream bar from the nearby convenience store. Even despite your shitty home life, Keigo never thought you were anything less than the smartest and prettiest girl he had ever met.

You were seven and he was four, the two of you peeking your heads out your neighboring windows late at night to ask each other what you managed to eat for dinner or if either of you thought the adults in your life would let the kids get a bit of rest. If it was really bad, sometimes one of you would sneak into the other’s apartment so the two of you could comfort each other though it was mostly you who would make the climb to his room by the thankfully large enough ledge because you didn’t want your young kid neighbor risking his life to get to you. You were always okay going to Keigo, looking so brave and fearless when you’d climb out the window on the second story from your room and scale the ledge to get to his and looking so proud when you’d land in front of him. “See kid, you didn’t have to worry ‘bout me! I’m older than ya so I got more balance to do that!”

When he was that age, Keigo would dream about doing the things you seemed to pull off effortlessly. You ran so fast through the park, you were the best at hide and seek, you knew exactly which spots to put your foot on the tree you were climbing on to get to the lowest branch, he thought you knew it all. Those memories make him smile still and you were everything to him, the best person the world ever gave him.

But you were just a kid too living in a shitty apartment with shitty parents and just barely able to make it along. As many memories he has of you smiling and laughing, there’s so much more of you when you were sad and so tired of the world. He could see your sadness when you’d come out after getting yelled at by your parents, he’d watch your shoulders sag with exhaustion when you’d find your father passed out drunk at the front door after you came back from school, and Keigo remembers you holding back tears watching your father walk out of your life at the age of ten.

You would later climb through the window of his room that same night, telling him to scoot over and make room for you in his small bed. “I hope you’re always there for me, you’re the only good guy in my life Kiego.”

Keigo promised you at seven years old, taking your hand in his smaller one and saying, “(Name) I’ll always be here for you.”

Because you were his best friend so of course he was going to be by your side no matter what.

But three years makes such a difference when you’re a kid.

When you went off to middle school, you and Keigo were no longer walking together. You were seeing him less, not as eager to hang out with him when you came back from school and suddenly it felt like he didn’t know you as well anymore. The invisible wall of differences had been built up before he could realize it and he didn’t know how to reach you. When he was ten and you were thirteen, Keigo remembers sitting next to you at a bench in the park you and him always used to play at. And you looked out indifferently at the jungle gym you had outgrown playing on and let out a wistful sigh up to the sky. He remembers feeling awkward because he didn’t know how to talk to you anymore, you didn’t want to talk to him when he asked you what was wrong. He didn’t understand the beginnings of teenage angst and he certainly didn’t understand being a thirteen year old girl. “(Name)… should I go?”

And you had looked at him with tired eyes, your hands shoved into the pockets of your jacket and shrugged your shoulders. “Up to you kid, I don’t care.”

You said that but Keigo saw that you did care, that you looked ready to cry if he were to walk away. And he promised you that he would always be there for you so he stayed, tentatively reaching his hand out to your hand shoved in your pocket and held it in his. You didn’t talk to him like you used to but the silence of his gesture to you spoke so loud, your hand squeezing his and sitting together until it was time to go back home.

Keigo remembers hearing you and your mother arguing through the walls, you had just learned to curse at the age of fourteen and screamed at her, “I wish I had never been born from your evil cunt!”

And there was a loud slap and a deafening silence that followed after. You didn’t leave the apartment for three days and refused to open the door when Keigo knocked on it or was sent away by your mother. And he worried for you, climbing the ledge to get to your bedroom window and gently knocked on the glass. When Keigo was so much younger the ledge seemed like the biggest obstacle that you wouldn’t let him climb and at eleven years old, he learned bravery from you so that he could climb that ledge to reach you. And he thought you would send him away but you let him in, telling him to be quiet as he stepped into your messy bedroom.

Keigo laid facing you on the floor of your room, a fading bruise on your cheek that even though he tried to be gentle when touching it you still hissed. But when he tried to take his hand back, you let him hold your cheek and placed your hand over his. “You’re still the only good thing in my life Keigo, I want you to know that.”

“I’m still here for you (Name).”

You weeped in front of him until you fell asleep and Keigo put a blanket over you, caring more for your comfort rather than his. Because you were important to him and despite how different you were to him, Keigo still cared and he wanted nothing more than to grow up fast so that he could protect you.

But you were still three years ahead of him, making experiences in the wrong places.

The first time you took a pill was when you were seventeen.

He didn’t see you for two days after some party you said you were sneaking out to but when he knocked on your door and you opened it, Keigo could tell that you were different. You had told him all about it, your first roll that lasted two days and you were sluggish from the comedown. “I hadn’t been happy like that in a long time, Keigo it was crazy good.”

He listened to you go on about your first roll, how connected you felt to the people around you and that you were so in touch with your feelings you cried a few times. It sounded exhilarating, like you had the time of your life so Keigo was curious and asked if he could ever try rolling too. But you shook your head and gave him a weak smile. “Nah, this stuff isn’t for you. You’re a good kid, best to stay away from doing those things.” You told him and then made your way over to the couch in your living room, holding up your arms to him and beckoning him over. “C’mere, let’s snuggle. We haven’t done that since we were kids.”

But it was different when you were kids, it felt different now as teenagers as you rubbed your hand over Keigo’s back and cooed over how soft his hair felt. “You should let me style it someday, I bet if I did you’d get lotsa girls after you.” You said when you swept his bangs back from his forehead. “You were such a cute kid, I know you’re gonna be such a heartbreaker once you’re finished with puberty and shit.”

And despite how tired you were, the exhaustion is so evident in your voice but you tell him this with such soft sentiment that Keigo would only believe it coming from you.

When he’s right at the edge of eighteen and you’re twenty-one, Keigo frets over if you will ever see him as more than just your kid neighbor. When you call him kid despite being taller than you now, it leaves him both soft for you but also annoyed. Soft because that was your name for him and you’d never called anyone else that; annoyed because well… he’s not a kid. He wanted you to see him as a young man, to see him the way you saw your fuck buddies and the assholes you’d stay late out at night for and come back in the morning from a walk of shame.

But you come home still to the dingy apartment complex the two of you had always lived in, you came back to Keigo when you were crashing from snorting lines, when the molly is out of your system and you’re too depressed to even eat, when you’ve been up for more than 24 hours and needing someone to talk to, you lean on Keigo and tell him he’s still the only good thing in your life when dumbass exes accost you or when canceled fuck buddies come back hoping to start anew.

“I’m such a mess, I feel like a fuckin’ mess Keigo.” you mumbled into a pillow as he stroked your hair. “I’m so frustrated! I-I don’t like myself…” you peek your eyes up at him and his heart thumps in his chest when you tell him, “You’re so good kid, you know how amazing you are? How did I get so lucky to have you?”

Keigo frowned at you, he never once thought of you as anything but the girl he loves. You talk down on yourself all while uplifting Keigo, you think he’s such a golden boy since he’s going to university on a scholarship and you always tell him that he’s been a good kid. But you don’t know how he picked up smoking cigarettes from his mother to deal with his own stress, that he fucks girls wishing they were you and drops them with no explanation, that he dreams of hurting all the men that hurt you in your life and he wants to be the only man in your eyes.

You’ve told him yourself, he’s the only good guy in your life.

One day when was taking care of you while you were hungover, a memory surfaced to his mind. “Do you remember when you used to cross the ledge to get to my room when we were kids? When our parents wouldn’t let us see each other after seven but we still wanted to play, you’d cross that ledge and tell me that one day I’d be able to do it too.” he asked quietly. You nodded your head in confirmation and he said, “I thought it was one of the coolest things you did for me back then.”

“Keigo, I was actually terrified to climb that ledge when I was kid. I was always scared that I might fall to the concrete whenever I did it.” you admitted to him.

All those times you put on a brave face, but if you were scared then why did you still do it?

“I was scared to climb that ledge but I did it because I wanted to be with you. I loved you enough to do that for you.” you peeked up at him and told him, “I love you, you know that kid? I love you.”

I’m not a kid.

“I love you too dove.”

The nickname caught you off guard and you looked back at him, almost with uncertainty and you appeared to be a little nervous the more he stared back at you. “Dove? Is that supposed to be me?” You asked with a little laugh to try to ease yourself.

“Do you not like it?” He asked with a little tilt of his head.

“Well… it’s not that. I guess maybe it’s just… it doesn’t fit right for me? Don’t they symbolize being pure or something?”

“Purity, gentleness, beauty.” Keigo answers without hesitation. Deep beneath the layers of hurt you’ve gone through, he still sees that little girl he grew up with that wants freedom and was so brave and his best friend at heart. He sees past this party girl that you’ve become and knows that you’re just trying to hide the pain you’ve gone through, getting lost in temporary highs and running away from the sadness that hadn’t gone away since it first arrived. “Peace and love too.”

Again, you appear uncertain as you glance back at him before you laugh to ease the tension you feel. “I don’t feel like it fits but if you wanna call me that, I won’t stop you Keigo.”

“If you really don’t like it, I won’t say it. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Keigo stands a little closer to you, his heart thrumming in his chest so hard but he’s composed on the outside. “You can be honest with me, you know. I’m not like those guys you date.”

I’m better than all of them, I’m better for you.

You seem to mull it over before nodding your head, gently nudging your shoulder against his and giving him a small smile. “Hm okay, only just because it comes from you. You’re my special guy, the only good guy in my entire life.”

“Swear to me?” Keigo chuckles and dares to put his arm around your shoulder. When he feels your arm curl around your waist and you tuck yourself against his body, he feels like the luckiest guy in the world. He still has some growing up to do but he’ll mature fast so that he can take care of you. You may be three years older than him but the numbers matter a little bit less now that he’s turned twenty and you’re twenty three. He’s grateful that the age gap isn’t too big between you and him. “You know I’m always gonna be here for you, right (Name)?”

“I hope so kid, I hope so…”

Keigo loves you, but one of the difficult things about you in the last few years is how you come needing him and then pull away so suddenly when he tries to care for you. You play this hot-and-cold game with him at times that leaves him wondering what exactly you want from him. He knows what he wants: He’s trying to be a good man for you, being with you is his end goal, but it hurts when you push him away. Keigo refuses to be one of those pushy guys that you’ve cursed out before in front of him, choosing instead to be patient and wait for you to come to him. “I’m here for you, you can talk to me.”

“I know but…”

“But what?”

“… You wouldn’t get it. You’re too young.”

Now that he’s older, three years doesn’t make the biggest difference to him but to you it matters, pointing out the gap whenever you want to claim silence on a subject and that he’s ‘too young’ to get it.

You were silent for two weeks after that, worrying him to bits and pieces and not letting him in once more. Keigo was sitting in front of his shitty laptop and typing away when his phone rings and your name is at the top. He had never grabbed his phone and answered so fast before, “Dove, are you okay?!”

“Keigo, Keigo, Keigo come see me!” You shout through the phone.

You sounded… happy.

He surmised that you’re on something again and it’s disappointing but he’s happy that you’re contacting him. Keigo abandons his schoolwork in favor of going after you, driving up to a house in a ritzy neighborhood that he would have never dreamed of stepping foot in. He thought for sure that him crashing would be a problem but no one seemed to question when he came in through the front door. Instead he gets lustful looks from the girls and a few judgmental glares from the guys, but no one dares to approach. The last text he got from you was you saying that you’d be somewhere upstairs but when he texted back to let you know his arrival, his message went unopened.

So Keigo has to search upstairs, jiggling the doorknobs and awkwardly knocking while asking for your name. And he hears you giggling behind the very last door at the end of the hallway, he can recognize it anywhere, and he knocks to announce his arrival.

You’re laying on the floor with several people surrounding you, a slight haze in the room from some of the people vaping inside the room. “Dove, I’m here.”

“Keigo!” You sit up quickly and turn towards him. He recognizes your blown out pupils and your dopey, lovesick smile. “I’ve missed you!”

You’re on ecstasy again.

He leans down and holds out his arms for you to grab onto. This is no place for you, despite these parties being your scene, and he’s going to take you back where you are safest. “C’mon, I’m here to take you home. Grab onto my arms and let’s go.”

Some of them beg that you stay, noticing how they reach out to try to tug you back into the circle. Keigo is thankful that you’re more interested in being with him instead and that there’s no fighting from your end to stay with this crowd. As he’s making sure that you have everything that you’re supposed to have on you, he hears one of the people in the circle say, “This is him huh? Your neighbor friend that you always gush about.”

Keigo’s heart skips a beat; you talk about him?

You giggle and lean onto him after you’ve pulled on your shoes. “Look at him, he’s my best guy ever. Kei is sooo smart and handsome and he’s mine.”

Mine.

He knows it’s the drugs that are making you extra lovey, what you’re saying isn’t necessarily new information, but it’s how you say it that strikes a chord with him. It’s the way that you say that you’re his that makes him fall even harder for you, Keigo would have kissed you silly if it weren’t for all these strangers around. He does want to be alone with you as soon as possible, even if you’re rolling he hopes to have a one-on-one conversation with you and maybe the pill that you took will make you more honest with him.

Keigo’s sure to buckle you in the passenger seat first before he gets on the driver’s side. He’s handled you before when you’re on a comedown and crashing but you’re at the peak of your roll, still doped up and you’re so touchy that it’s distracting him. You’re leaning over to his side, cooing over how pretty his eyes are and wanting to lay your head down.

“Dove, dove please sit in your seat.” He pleads to you, getting more nervous the more handsy you become. You thread your fingers through his hair, you touch his arms, lean in to kiss his cheek, and you can’t stop babbling about how much you love him. When you whine about wanting to lay down, he offers to pull over and lay you down in the backseat but you whine petulantly and insist on staying by his side. “C’mon, we’ll be home soon and then you can lay down.”

“No Kei, wanna lay my head in your lap…” you mumble as you unbuckle your seatbelt and lay down as comfortably as you can, mindful of the emergency brake in the middle and make yourself comfy with your head in his lap. “Pet my head please.”

What can he do but let you do as you please, hopeful that he doesn’t get pulled over as he smooths his hand over your hair per your request and drives a little slower.

It’s the usual routine of him taking care of you, only this time it was the very first time he was caring for you while you were rolling. The only thing he knows from what you told him is that you need to stay hydrated and just be watched over.

When he leads you to his room, he checks his mother’s room quickly to see if she was sleeping only to find her not in bed. It’s nothing unusual and he knows that she’ll most likely return in the morning wherever she’s at. He’s indifferent to her whereabouts as long as she returns safe and sound. Right now his focus on is caring for you and he needs to stay awake to watch over you.

His eyes naturally follow your movements when your hands move to your hips but he realizes quickly that you’re pushing your pants off your legs so he looks away to give you some decency. “I can go to your apartment and fetch your clothes for you.” he offers.

You shake your head and mumble, “S’okay, this is fine…”

It’s really not, Keigo’s never seen you in an undressed state the entire time you and him have been neighbors.

You kick off your pants but thankfully you keep your t-shirt on, although not without peeling your bra off from underneath and throwing the flimsy white lace somewhere in his room. You smile at him and tilt your head, pointing your leg out towards him and circling your ankle. “Massage please?”

Keigo sighs as he glances over at his laptop and knows that he’ll have to spend another day working on his assignments. He’s already a little ahead so one night of slacking won’t kill his GPA so quickly. What’s more important is watching over you and being alongside you until your roll is over, which won’t be for another few hours. So he kneels before you, gently grasping the leg you had pointed out and carefully runs his hands over your calves but tenses when you let out a moan and your hips shift in a certain way that makes him think-

“More Kei, please? Feels good.” You ask breathily and nudge your leg against him.

He does so again but with less pressure in hopes that you won’t make such a tempting sound in front of him again. At first he’s silent, not knowing how to start a conversation with you. You save him the trouble when you admit out loud, “I missed you kid.”

“Missed me?” He echoes back in question.

“Yeah, missed you. I jus’ was kinda in my head again, ya know?” You tell him this and pull back the keg he was holding to switch to the other one. “I know you’re here for me but sometimes I just sorta break down and gotta have some space. But I always want you Keigo, I always do. I hope you know how much I love you.”

He wants to confess how in love he is with you but he’s not sure if this is the right moment. So he reciprocates the sentiment and lays your leg down, deciding that if he’s gonna be up to tripsit then he has to make himself some coffee. “I’ll be back (Name).”

“Okay.” You sing out and lay back on his bed, rolling your head back and forth on his pillow and staring up at the ceiling.

Keigo starts up a pot of coffee and runs a hand down his face, unsure if he’ll be strong enough to resist you and all your sentiments that are going to come pouring out. You have no idea how badly he wants you, you have no clue that it hurts him how you sleep around to forget your sorrows, and he wants you to see him as more than just your kid neighbor. Now that he’s older he understands your depression and your desire to feel loved, even if it’s through unhealthy coping mechanisms.

“Not now, not while she’s like this.” He whispers to himself, combing a hand through his blonde hair. Maybe he can touch on some topics but for the most part, he’s aware to tread carefully over what he speaks about. There’s a time and place to bare himself open and have an honest conversation; he just doesn’t know when is ever a good time. When you’re sober you’re all clammed up, but when you’re high or drunk he sometimes can’t have a proper conversation with you. And of course on a comedown, all you want to do is rest and have some space to gather yourself together again.

With a hot mug of coffee in hand, he makes his way back to his room and gently shuts the door behind him. He takes a sip of coffee, tasting the vanilla creamer he splashed in with his beverage, and hopes that it will be enough to keep him awake.

“Hey, close your eyes.” You hop up on your feet from the bed and stand directly in front of him.

“What?”

You take the mug from his hands and set it down on his desk. “Close your eyes.”

“Uh okay…” Keigo follows your command and shuts his eyes. He twitches when he feels your hands circle around his neck and he thinks that you’re just giving him a hug. When your lips touch against his, Keigo is startled but not enough to push you away. He’s frozen and when your tongue prods his lips, he opens without thinking and he deepens the kiss. This wasn’t what he expected from you but he doesn’t want to dare stop it. Who cares that you’re on a pill?

Before he can even pull you even closer to him, you separate yourself from him.

“(Name)...”

“I’m sorry, that was so stupid! I didn’t…” you say softly and with a look of guilt, just now realizing your actions and that there wasn’t a way to turn back. You pull away from him and wring your hands together, your eyes struggling to focus on him as you look anywhere else but at him. “I’m so sorry Keigo, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, don’t be upset.” he assures you but he’s also struggling to hold back the biggest smile on his face.

“No, it was wrong! I shouldn’t have done that! I’m so dumb!” You are adamant in chastising yourself and Keigo is aware that the more you spiral, the worse you will get. So he decided that since you crossed that boundary then he’s not going to bother to uphold his end; he kisses you.

You’re tense at first when he first presses his lips to yours. When he pulls back, you seem uncertain at first from the kiss but the more you gaze into Keigo’s eyes, your inhibition lowers and you pull him down by the collar of his shirt to kiss again. Your lips are soft, softer than he had expected and when Keigo pulls you into him by your hips, he can’t help but feel that your body is a perfect match for him.

He knows that you are meant for him.

“Don’t be mad at me Kei, please don’t be mad.” you whisper against his lips.

Never, he could never be mad with you.

You’ve hurt him before though, time and time again.

He’s never craved a large circle of people to be his friends, he much prefers to just be more to himself and he wants to be around you. But you have a life outside of him, partying with men who promise you an extra half gram if you just be extra sweet to them, they prey on you when you’re frustrated and feening when you’re down in the dumps and you’re searching for something to uplift you. He’s watched you break down white powder underneath a bill and cut neat lines before you snort them, letting out a satisfied sigh and bask in the short euphoria.

“Come here (Name), come here…”

You can’t stop calling his name, switching between the insecurity that he might be upset with you and then showering him with the kindest words you’ve ever given to him. It’s more than just your average fondness between two kids who grew up together; it feels like so much more than that. Keigo’s never dared to touch you so close until now, had never done more than just a lingering hug or a reassuring hand squeeze, he presses you so close to his body at your insistence when you need to feel the close. And when you pull back, suddenly reluctant and conflicted over how you fuss over him, he pulls you back in and says, “Stay.”

And when you try to protest, he kisses it away and repeats his command.

Stay.

He wants you to want him, not just when you’re on a comedown from coke or a pill, he wants you to want him the way you want your drugs. He wants you to want him in the way you’d do anything for just the smallest taste to satisfy you when you’re going through a rough time and overwhelmed with emotions. You rant to him about your woes, he’s wiped away your tears when you were frustrated, he holds you when you ask for his embrace, Keigo does anything and would do everything for you in the hopes you’d see behind his actions was more than just long standing fondness for you. But you leave him behind to indulge in things that you think will make you happy, you love the parties and the high that comes along with attending them and what’s passed around to you after slyly slipping some cash in hand or in a pocket, and Keigo waits for you to come back to care for you all over again and hopes the next time you’ll see his affection that he’s too shy to voice but it shouts so loud with every service he gives you.

His love for you is so evident in his eyes but you don’t see it, you don’t see it because you fall asleep with him when you’re sleeping off the alcohol or need to rest from crashing off whatever you took. You don’t see how he looks at you with so much affection as he puts a blanket over you and pets your head while you snooze. Keigo wants you to know that his feelings aren’t just a fondness for you or the admiration of a younger person to their senior; he wants you to know how in love he is with you.

Keigo always has been.

It’s just you and him in his room, holding each other so tightly despite your feverish body, his hands running over your tense muscles and crooning sentimental words to one another. He won’t lie that he’s slightly unnerved whenever he sees your eyes twitch and roll to the back of your head unnaturally sometimes. This is one of the ugly sides to the pills you always insisted he never ever take part in.

But there’s still the beautiful part of it which is how loving and affectionate you’re being and Keigo wishes he could drown in it.

“You’re so good kid… so fuckin’ good.” You mumble against his lips before going in for another kiss, scrunching your hand through his hair and nuzzling his head against yours. “I jus’ wanna— I wanna stay like this forever with you!”

It’s the pill that is making you so gooey with affection but Keigo knows that underneath it that you would always turn to him to remind yourself of the very few things in your life that have stayed by your side. That as far away as you have run, you’ve always come back to him and remind him how much you cherish him.

He’s always kept his promise to you.

I’ll always be here for you.

Keigo takes charge of the kiss, not the slow sensual ones you and him have been sharing but a kiss that he pours his soul into.

A kiss that tastes like the love he’d been holding onto for years.

He wants it shoved into your throat and for you to choke on it.

Even despite the euphoric haze from the pill, you’re startled by the intensity that’s pouring out and it makes you pull back. You barely manage to stutter out his name before Keigo hushes you with another kiss, he kisses you with no hesitation and finally finds bravery within himself to finally do what he had been dreaming for years to do. There’s reluctance from your end but you don’t dare pull back again, falling instead into him and accepting it wholeheartedly.

Keigo won’t allow you to think that this is happening just because of a pill though.

“I love you.” He confesses, pulling back to look into your eyes. The iris of your eyes is mostly taken over by your blown out pupil but he can still see the ring of color that he’s always thought was beautiful. “I love you.”

“I love you too kid…”

Wrong, wrong!

He knows what kind of love you mean when you reciprocate the words, you had been saying it for years but this isn’t what he wants from you.

He can’t help shaking his head, a little frustrated but unable to really express it. “No, I love you.” He repeats in hopes that you’ll understand.

“I know, I love you too ki-“

Keigo reaches up and he cradles your face in his hands, setting his eyes on you and he tells you, “I’m in love with you.”

The air between the two of you is delicate after the confession.

A mix of emotions courses through you but you can barely express them. You can’t help looking both dazed and unsure at the same time, quietly processing the words of your childhood friend while your brain is fuzzy from the pill. When you open your mouth, it’s only to ask, “W-water?”

The water bottle you and him have been sharing is presented to you, you’re uncomfortable as you take a few sips and then pass it to Keigo who sips from the plastic as well.

And he’s always been patient with you, no matter what, but Keigo can’t help but to ask if you had anything to say.

Maybe it’s the wrong time to do such a thing but there has never been a right time either.

You would have ended up doing the same cycle you always do and Keigo would have always ended up waiting until the next time you’re crashing to get another opportunity to stare forlornly at you.

Keigo is tired, he’s tired of holding this in.

“It’s so hot…” you mumble as you gently push away his hands.

You’re scrambling to get up on your feet and keep your eyes down on the ground, picking your bottoms up from the carpet. He follows behind you, wondering if he did the wrong thing confessing to you in this very vulnerable state but he only has so much time to think on it as you slip out the front door and wander to the outside.

In the complex you and Keigo lived in, in the very center was a pool that you, him, and the other neighborhood children would flock to when it was summertime. There’s a sign that clearly says what times the pool is available for use but you ignore it as you easily undo the gate lock, something you had learned to do since you were ten and the maintenance staff hadn’t bothered to ever change it since they were none the wiser.

Keigo stands by the gate as you slowly climb into the pool, watching in a haze even though he is aware that he should be trying to reprimand you for going into the community pool at such a late hour. You float to the center of the pool, apparently not even bothering to take off your clothes, only sighing in relief from the cold temperature of the water.

He goes to the edge of the pool, squatting down calling out to you, “(Name), you gotta get out of there. We can’t be here.”

You disagree with a small hum and shake of your head, keeping yourself afloat and seeming to think that this was the only way to give yourself space away from him.

“C’mon, swim to me and I’ll pull you out.” He insists to you with a hand stretched out towards you.

Still you remain in the water.

So having no choice since you would not go to him, Keigo decides to join you in the pool to retrieve you himself. He ignores your whines as he swims closer to you and is able to pull you into his arms. “No, stay away Keigo!” You whine and weakly push against him. “Stay away!”

His brows furrow at your sudden coldness but he refuses to let go of you. “No, I’m here for you dove. I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere. I promised you, didn’t I?”

You shake your head and still try to push him away but he’s got you locked in tight. “That was something we used to say when we were kids! Just go away now! Leave me alone!”

He doesn’t know why you’re so stressed out all of a sudden.

Keigo recognizes the signs of your anxiety coming up but they seem to be amplified on the pill. Your roll must be ruined and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do. “What’s wrong? Why are you like this now?”

“You… you’re so good Keigo. You’re too good to want someone like me…” you admit with a shuddering breath, your eyes struggling to focus on him and looking so sad that it broke his heart. “You think you love me just ‘cause we’ve known each other forever.”

Is that what your anxiety was about?

He shakes his head and gives you the best smile that he can muster. Truth is that his emotions are a bit all over the place too but there’s no taking back what he said and just like the roll, he has no choice but to go through with it. “I love you because we’ve known each other forever. There’s been no one else but you dove.”

There’s never been a shade of doubt in his mind about you.

“Fuck,” you curse quietly and inhale in as deeply as you can to prevent yourself from crying, “I’m not good enough for you…”

You push Keigo off for you and swim your way to the nearby ladder to climb out of the pool. He’s not that far behind you and asking what you mean by that, not letting this moment slip away because he wants some answers as well. He’s already kissed you and told you he loves you, he wants no more obstacles to stand between you and him. Being patient and waiting for you to realize that he’s the one for you hasn’t panned out in his direction at all so Keigo will just have to be direct with you.

It’s difficult for you to try to out walk him when your wet clothes drag you down along with the pill clouding your emotions so you’re more focused on keeping yourself together rather than the direction in front of you.

“Dove, please don’t ignore me!” Keigo pleads to you and manages to catch your wrist in his hand and pulls you back into his apartment. “Your clothes are wet, you need to change and get out of them.” His mind is still on what you said at the pool but he has to set that aside for now. “C’mon, let’s wash up. You can go first.”

He’s gentle when he takes your wrist and leads you to his bathroom, pushing you towards the tub and telling you to clean yourself up. You turn the knobs to fill the tub up with warm water and as the water slowly fills the porcelain, you look back at Keigo who’s leaning against the wooden door. “Undress.”

“But you’re-“

“I’m not letting you out of my sight in case you run away again. Undress and get yourself clean.”

You surprisingly obeyed when he thought for sure that you’d put up a fight. He at least gives you the privacy of turning around and also undressing, wearing only his boxer briefs for some modesty, listening to the rustle of your clothes as they drop to the floor, the splash of water when you enter the tub, and the squeak of the knob when you shut off the water. When he turns around, you briefly take a breath submerge yourself under the water for a few seconds before coming back up. Then you bring your knees to your chest and curl into yourself, looking up at him.

Keigo walks to the tub and kneels down to ask you, “Why did you walk away from me? Why won’t you talk to me?”

You purse your lips and look down at your knees.

“When you were sad, you’d always come to me wanting affection and care. I’d do what I think that you needed and once you got what you wanted, you always just up and left.” Keigo starts to speak, “Sometimes I worried if there was ever going to be a point that you would never come back, but then I realized that it was never going to happen. And do you know why that is?”

He doesn’t wait for you to answer.

“It’s because you’re always going to need me so you’re always going to come back.”

You look up at Keigo, taken by surprise from his words and looking offended. He has to remember that you’re not completely lucid right now and you can barely grasp your own emotions. He has to be gentle with you, he has to be. “I know you as the girl that’s always lived next door to me. When your mom hit you, you came to me and told me that I was the only good thing in your life. Every time you break up with a shitty boyfriend or fuck buddy, you always come to me. And I promised you that I would always be here for you.”

Keigo has always fulfilled his promise to you.

“I love you.”

You choke back a sob and shake your head, brokenly asking, “Why?”

Does he need a reason to give?

He just does.

But the question he needs to ask you is, “Why won’t you let yourself love me? Is there something wrong with me?”

It was a question that also bothered him throughout the years. He wondered if you wouldn’t love him back because there was something about himself that only you saw. Perhaps there was something unloveable about Keigo that prevented you from ever considering that he could be the man in your life. It preyed on his own insecurities, he liked to believe that he was a decent person with some minor flaws but he thought he was good enough for you. Would he always just be your kid neighbor?

You sob again, the euphoria from the pill long broken and now you struggle to piece yourself together. You always avoided conversations that needed you to look within yourself and dig out the ugly parts that you didn’t want to touch.

“There’s nothing wrong with you Keigo. It’s… it’s me.” You whimper and wipe away tears. “I’m older than you and you always used to look up to me. I wanted to keep on being that girl you could admire but I’m… You thought I was so cool for being able to climb trees and run through the grass. But we grew up and everything became hard and I… I wasn’t the smart and cool girl I hoped I would be.”

It’s sad, you’re sad.

“You’re the only good thing in my life, I always meant that. But seeing you do so good for yourself made me think about how I just didn’t do enough. I was embarrassed over how much I leaned on you whenever I got fucked up, and then I’d run away only to do the same thing all over again.”

He knows, he knows that.

You think that because you’re three years older than him that you have to be this strong girl with her shit together.

But three years doesn’t matter to him anymore and he tells you again that it’s okay for you to be weak in front of him.

“You need me, it’s okay to need me. Don’t push me away because you think it’ll make you stronger. Be weak in front of me.” And you cry in front of him and he lets you. Keigo puts his arms around your shoulders, uncaring that some of the tub water spills over, and he hugs you. “I can take care of you, you know? I have good grades and I know I can get a good job when I graduate.” He pulls back and tucks a wet strand of hair behind your ear. “Will you stop partying for me? Can you stop drinking? Doing drugs?”

You sniffle and wipe your tears away. “I can stop going to parties and drinking. But please, I don’t want to go without the pills. I can do them less but I… they make me happy Keigo. I won’t abuse them, I’ll even let you hold onto them and decide when I can have them.”

Maybe it was too much to ask at the moment but if this is the best compromise he can get from you, Keigo will just have to take it.

“Okay, we can do that. Maybe even one day we can do it together.”

You manage to let out a small laugh and he’s grateful to have gotten that out of you.

He leans over to kiss you, not being able to help himself and he’s happy that you return the kiss. He takes it over and leans you back against the tub, distracting you as he licks the inside of your mouth and his hand dips into the water. It’s a bold move on his part but he’d been wanting you differently for the past few years. He’s still a man and he wants to know the most intimate part of your body.

“K-Keigo! That’s-!” You pull back from the kiss when you feel his hand on your lower stomach.

“Just let me touch you… please.”

Keigo has pure, genuine love for you, he honestly does. There’s also the desire that has grown over time to know what it’s like to touch you and be intimate with you. He wants you in the way a man wants a woman, but he’s not going to just say pretty words to get what he wants out of you. What he wants is for you to be completely honest with him the way he’s honest with you. There’s nothing nefarious about his intentions; he just wants you.

So his hand slowly moves down and he keeps his golden eyes on you, keeping your gaze when the tips of his fingers touch the petals of your pussy. It’s only a gentle rubbing and curious touching to get to know this part of you, nothing to scare you off. There’s only the sloshing of the water and your quiet whimpers that are the sounds in the air. He wants to feel how warm you are inside, feel how tight you are and hear all the sounds you make.

He wants your everything.

“Will you let me put a finger in? I’ll be slow.”

You look a little uncertain at first but you nod your head to confirm your consent.

So he dips a finger carefully inside you and marvels over how you’re squeezing around him. Keigo’s careful to twirl his finger in you and watches your expressions to see what you like. Part of him is aware that  this isn’t completely genuine, you are on a pill after all, but so many boundaries have already been crossed and the opportunity to turn back was long gone. Just as long as you keep on saying yes then Keigo is going to go even further.

“Does it feel good? Is it okay?” he checks in with you and hopes that you don’t have any protests, “Do you want me to stop?”

You shake your head and roll your hips slightly. “Can you put ‘nother in me? Please?”

He cherishes the soft ‘oh’ you let out when he puts a second finger inside of you. He curls his fingers in you, stroking your walls and reading your reactions to see what you respond well to. You’re huffing quietly and grasp your hands at the edge of the tub, widening your legs and moving your hips as you revel in Keigo’s touch. It’s fascinating how sensitive you seem but he still has to keep in mind that your reactions could be because of the pill.

“You love me?” You asked Keigo, trying your hardest to focus on his eyes, “You really do love me?”

“I do.” He affirms his answer to you.

“I… I need you.” You admit.

Drawing in a deep breath, he breathes out slowly through his nose so that he can calm himself. He needs you to clarify, “You need me for what?”

You sink a little further down the tub, the water just at your collarbones and you take one hand to join it with Keigo’s under the water. With a little nudging from you, he sinks his fingers knuckle deep in you and you let out the cutest mewl from how deep he’s in you. “Need you with me, need you to keep me sane… need you inside of me.”

His fingers curl ever slightly and he tells you, “I am inside you.”

A soft whine leaves your lips as you shake your head, a slight desperation to your tone when you repeat once more, “Need you inside of me.”

Oh…

Oh.

Keigo won’t deny that the second he sunk his first finger in you, his cock twitched. Then when he asked to add another finger and you allowed it, he was half-hard. Now when you ask for that, he’s rock hard to the point that it aches a little. He only wanted to finger you a little for himself and didn’t have plans to go any further beyond that. All he wanted was just a bit of touching to sate his curiosity.

But this… this…

How many more boundaries will be broken tonight?

“Dove, I don’t think I should do that.” he tells you but it’s more to convince himself. “This is fine but we shouldn’t do anything more until you’re sober.”

Your head lolls against the tub and you whine again. “I don’t want to wait until I’m sober. I want you now Keigo.”

Tempting…

The smartest thing to do would be to just stop and he leans towards that decision, but the hand that was under the water with Keigo’s breaches the surface and reaches up towards him. You put your hand on his bicep, the furthest you are willing to reach, and call his name softly. It’s so delicate the way his name rolls off your tongue that it leaves him a little speechless. “I want you Keigo, wanna be with someone who loves me.”

Keigo’s always avoided saying this out loud to you but you were selfish in a lot of ways.

And it didn’t help that he never called you out on it.

He should call you out on it, even now because you know that Keigo gives you what you want. You’ve always gone to him to take care of you when you wanted to be cared for and you almost always left without giving anything back in equal value to what he’s done for you.

“Wanna be with you Keigo… please?”

He shouldn’t… he shouldn’t… he’s not going to…

“S’okay you know? I never fucked anyone while I was rolling.” you say to him, “Lotsa people wanted to fuck me when we rolled but I wouldn’t let them. But you can do it Keigo, I want you to ‘cause I trust you. Please? Are you going to make me beg?”

You are selfish.

“Get up from the tub and go to the counter.”

And Keigo just enables you again.

Water drips from your body as you step out of the tub, at least you dry your feet on the mat first before you make your way to the counter. You lean back against it and wait with your eyes focused on Keigo. Your eyes follow his movements, watching as he drains the tub of the water and kicks the wet clothes to the side so that they’re out of his way and he stands in front of you.

When he stares into your eyes, the pupils haven’t gone down in the slightest. Not that he expected them to, he’s seen that it takes a few hours for your eyes to return to normal even when the roll was finished. He’s read up on your favorite little pills so he’s got textbook knowledge of it and the other half of what he knows is from your own anecdotes. If he were to split a pill with you, would the love he feels for you flourish even more?

Because Keigo already feels like it swallows him whole.

“Sit on the counter and open your legs.”

You do as told, leaning back slightly with your head bumping gently against the mirror and opening your legs for him. You wait with baited breath for what Keigo’s going to do, he touches gently again and looks down like he’s inspecting the most intimate part of you. It makes your skin prickle, sighing quietly when the pad of his thumb gently rubs at your clit.

“Hold your legs.”

Your legs are drawn up and you hold them by the back of your knees, still waiting in anticipation for what’s next. It’s too quiet in the bathroom as Keigo takes his time with you. He’s touching very gently still that it almost makes you decide to take control.

He holds out two fingers and commands, “Make them wet.”

Keigo watches as you draw his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking your tongue all over them. It makes his spine tingle with how lewd you are, pushing just a little further but carefully to the back of your throat. Even the way you gag is cute and a fresh wave of saliva wets his fingers, he cherishes the cute ‘ah’ when he pulls them out and pushes them into your pussy.

“You feel tight, is this pussy tight for me dove?” he asks you, his voice dropping an octave lower with desire. “How much prep do you need?”

“N-Not a lot, don’t need you to take too long…” your voice wavers as you watch the sight of Keigo’s fingers disappearing inside of you. “Th-that’s good enough, just please put it in now!” When Keigo asks one more time if you’re sure, he sees you get annoyed and whine petulantly, “Yes! Just want you inside!”

Oh, you are a brat.

Keigo’s a little surprised to be honest but he’ll play it to his advantage. Maybe he will teach you some manners after all.

He curls his fingers inside you and uses his other hand to pet your clit, some of your slick oozing out and dripping onto the countertop. Maybe it’s the pill making you sensitive right now but that’s not really on his mind right now. You desperately babble on about wanting Keigo inside you, switching from your bratty demands to sweet begging when you realize that he’s dangling you on the edge of an orgasm.

“Don’ wanna cum on your fingers! On your cock Keigo! Please!” you’re gasping as you feel an orgasm approaching.

“Yeah? You wanna cum on my dick?” Keigo cruelly asks you, relishing in this just a little too much. “Not on my fingers?”

“Yes, on your cock please!”

Keigo leans in real close to you, his lips just a breath away from yours and he commands you to say, “Tell me you need me.”

“I need you!”

“Tell me you love me.”

He’s going to remember forever how precious you were when you choked out your very first ‘I love you’ to him.

He doesn’t glide in as smoothly as he hoped he would, pushing the tip in and feeling some resistance when he tries to go further. He considers pulling out to finger you more but you tell him not to. Apparently you like it when a cock gets bullied into your pussy, just a little bit of roughness mixed in with how you like your pleasure. Keigo thought for sure you’d be a bit more romantic but maybe romantic isn’t the mood right now.

“Fuck! Like that!” you gasp when Keigo breaches inside of you and he’s pressed his base to you. Your pussy flutters around his cock and he can not believe just how sweet it is to finally be like this with you. “Move slowly please, wanna feel it all.”

Now you want it sensual even though Keigo wants it differently.

Selfishly, he wants to ruin you right here and now. He actually wanted to make you beg to tears for him and make you scream his name. He’s rooted more in this moment while your head is swimming in your doped up sea. There’ll have to be another time to fuck you the way he wants; it took a lot to bring you back to this level and he didn’t want to ruin it by breaking your spell.

Fifteen minutes ago you were crying over your insecurities and now you’re hiccuping for Keigo to be gentle with you.

“Look at you dove, you take me so well. It’s so fucking—fuck—soft inside you. So warm and wet, you’re sucking me in.” Keigo croons to you, holding your gaze as he moves into you. His own head lolls back momentarily before bringing it back, catching a glimpse of where his cock disappears into you. “You’re so pretty…”

“I’m pretty Keigo?” you giggle, “I’m pretty?”

Yes, you’re the prettiest.

“My pretty girl, you’re my pretty girl…!” Keigo grunts out the last word when he thrusts hard into you.

You sigh dreamily and bring your arms around his shoulders, pulling yourself closer to him with your ass hanging off the edge of the countertop. Your legs hook around his waist and you clumsily push his underwear completely off, Keigo only pulling it down enough to free his cock, the material lands to his feet and he quickly kicks it away.

His words from before swirl around in your mind and breathily sigh out, “I’m your pretty girl…”

His girl… his… his!

“I know we’ve lived here forever, but let’s move far away from here once I’m done with school.” Keigo tells you, suddenly feeling the need to tell you all the fantasies he had stowed away in his heart. “It’ll be forever for us to get a house but we could live in our own apartment together in the meantime. We can share a bed, sleep next to each other and fuck in it whenever we want.”

It’s heartfelt, what he tells you.

“Would you let me fuck you whenever I want in our bed?”

“Yes!”

Keigo imagines cotton sheets to sleep on but silk pillow cases for you to lay your head on. Matching coffee mugs and taking care of plants on windowsills. A nice dining room table that’s sturdy enough for a big spread of food and can take you bent over when he fucks you from behind. A nice comfy couch to cuddle on and he could eat you out from when you sink into the cushions.

He’d live in a modest little place with you, inviting friends over for game nights and they’d never know how nasty he would fuck you just minutes before they arrived.

You sing praises to him over how good he’s making you feel, scrunching your hand in his hair and telling him over and over that you want him. You’re practically melded to his body and it’s not possible to get any closer than this.

Abruptly, Keigo pulls out and helps you off the countertop only to turn you around and make you brace your hands on the smooth marble. He kicks your legs open before pushing back inside of you, the brief coldness that swept over his cock when he pulled out gone as soon as your pussy clenches around him. His hand comes around your front and  holds you by your neck, not intending on choking you but just needing to grasp you in an intimate way, and he practically hugs your body against his.

Keigo wants to watch your reflection and he hisses into your ear, “Look.”

He watches you, the way your mouth drops open and your cute little moans and gasps exit your lips. He watches how your eyes look at his reflection and the way they’re glazed over in pleasure. He watches how your tits bounce as he fucks you and he wishes he could pound you the way he wants.

But he still cherishes the way this moment is happening as it is.

Your whole body shudders and suddenly pussy clenches tight around him, almost trapping him in, he feels fluids squirt out and he looks down to his cock, seeing a ring of cream around his base and how your legs shake.

You came.

“Keigo, cum in me please? Need it please!” you whimper out, gasping a little when his hand tightens around your throat, “S’okay if you cum in me, s’okay!”

That makes Keigo fuck a little faster behind you, focusing more on himself as he builds his release. No other girl he fucked before compares to you and he’s going to be the only one you let inside of you from now on. Because he’s already gone this far, he waited patiently for years for you to come to your senses and realize that he’s the one for you.

“I’m fucking cumming! Fuck, fuck I’m cumming!” Keigo hisses as he rides out the wave of his orgasm, his hips slapping against your skin until he’s emptied out and filled you up. He happens to look at your reflection to see you all love drunk and fucked out, gasping for breath and brokenly telling him ‘thank you’ before your body slumps down. He catches you, still holding you close and whispering one more time that he loves you.

Fuck three years, it doesn’t matter now.

He’s going to have you for the rest of his life.

-

You’re sitting on the bed and waiting for Keigo when he comes out from the bathroom. He had to wash the smell of chlorine off his body and out of his hair, a little uncomfortable over the fact that he smelled like pool chemicals when he had sex with you. Your hair is still wet but he leant you a clean hoodie and fresh boxer briefs for you to wear, needing to stop himself from staring because he never pondered over the idea of you wearing his own clothes and he realizes how much he likes it.

“I’m way past my peak so I can probably rest in another hour.” you inform him, speaking a bit more clearly and he can see the exhaustion setting in. “But listen… can we just not talk about what happened?”

His body stiffens and his heart drops down into his stomach.

“I meant let’s talk about it later when I’m on the come down. I’m sorry, I should have worded that differently.” you corrected yourself quickly after seeing his reaction. Patting the spot next to you as an invitation for Keigo to sit next you, he lets you take a few seconds to gather yourself before you speak again. “What happened is going to be a long conversation, we both know it. But I can’t have it right now and I just want… I wanna sleep.”

Keigo nods his head in agreement, he’s just been running on his own energy to keep him up but he knows that you need to rest as soon as possible. But a part of him has to express his worry, “You’re not going to run off on me, are you?”

You shake your head in answer. “I won’t lie, part of me thought about leaving when you were washing up. I thought about leaving and hitting up a friend to take me in the for the night. But I knew that if I did that to you after what we just did… I think I would lose you. And I…” you take in a breath and look away from Keigo when you finish your sentence, “I need you.”

His hand reach out, gently cupping your face and making it so that he can look you in the eyes. You’re slightly more lucid but the pill is still lingering in your blood, your pupils still wide but Keigo sees that you’re earnest.

“I need you Keigo…”

He knows, he’s always known.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay dove?”

Your head nods and you lean forward, wanting to curl into him and finding safety in the one place that you always returned to.

“Okay, in the morning.”

#hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #takami x reader #hawks angst #hawks smut #tw drugs #tw dubcon

[mccnbeam]

[ she/her] — the TWENTY-SIX year old is a LADY, how exciting to see them this season! rumors have it they are INTELLIGENT and DETERMINED, but i’ve heard they are ILL-TEMPERED and STUBBORN as well — maybe that’s why they’ve been called the TENACIOUS. I have even heard that SHE IS AT RISK OF LOSING HER FORTUNE —only time will tell.

basics;

name: devika krishnamurti, devi to friends age: 26 title: lady, inherited from her father

history;

devika's mother was the equivalent of "nobility" in southern india, a distant relation of the pandya dynasty. though her pandya blood had been diluted over several generations, she was popular at court because she was a skilled bharatanatyam dancer

devika's father held title and land in england, but had a restless spirit. he studied works such as the mahabharata, the bhagavad gita, the book of the dead, the tablets of gilgamesh, the iliad, and the odyssey. he wanted to see the places these texts came from

while traveling the world, he met devika's mother. they fell in love and married in india

devika was born in india and spent the first few years of her life there, but her family had to return to england after the death of her paternal grandfather

her mother had a hard time adjusting to the move. she missed home and she adapted poorly to england. additionally, the travel was hard on her body, and she soon fell ill

though she eventually recovered, her body seemed permanently weakened. she couldn't dance as much as she used to, and as soon as devika was old enough, she was often taking care of her mother alongside the staff

when devika was 19, she came out to society. in that same season, her brother was born. her mother died in childbirth

it was an unsuccessful season for her due to the grief that seemed to blanket her household. her father was devastated by her mothers' death and was no longer taking care of himself, never mind her new brother nor the estate. she began tending to all three

she never planned to marry. she had accepted she was going to be a spinster, and was content to take care of her brother until he was of age to inherit the estate, and then she would take a portion of their wealth to travel the world just as her father did

currently;

a few months ago, her father died in a carriage accident. shortly before passing, he invested a sizeable portion of their family wealth into what turned out to be a fraudulent venture

devika has enough money to run the estate for the next year. if she doesn't marry before then, her and her brother will be left destitute. she knows she's hardly of the ideal marrying age, and is a bit resigned to the fact she's probably gonna have to marry some gross oldie

personality/likes;

having shouldered an enormous amount of responsibility since she was young, she has a somewhat serious disposition. though she can come off reserved, she has a sharp wit and strong feelings about even the most innocuous of things. when she's grown comfortable enough to open up, she is a loyal friend and very loving

she inherited the passions of her mother and her father. she's read all of the ancient texts in her father's library, and has acquired a few more, by gift, since his passing

she's trained in bharatanatyam and she still dances every night, but never for an audience. she can no longer afford her teacher, but she still goes for lessons when she has time. her teacher has become sort of an aunt figure to her

stressed bisexual<3 has never had a sexual experience with a man, but has had a handful with women. ladies if u wanna get TOPPED hit me up

tldr;

dead mom, dead dad, bankrupt estate, she super needs to marry this season, which she's balancing with taking care of her 7 year old little brother - feel free to ask anything else here or on discord! my tag is mayareplies#2206

#about #wdintro #devika

[maya-matlin]

I have to follow up with my favorite blogger (you) about Nathan---do you think he was still a realistically flawed character as he aged? Because he became more like a somewhat flat, generic hero to me. Like Brooke was still quick to anger, impulsive, etc but it feels like Nathan became just kind of perfect? Brave, sweet, strong, loving, protective of everyone deserving of it, thoughtful, romantic, resourceful, resilient etc etc etc. And on one hand I get it because he was not just a husband but a father, so they couldn't make him TOO flawed, but at the same time it seems like he grew out of every character flaw and became this generic hero in a way? irl I would love to marry a Nathan (who wouldn't?!) but as a character he definitely became flatter and less layered imo.

You're way too sweet. I don't know how or why, but thank you. :p

Hmm. I don't think those criticisms are completely unfounded. Nathan was objectively a far more flawed character during seasons 1-5. I guess the thing to remember is that unlike someone like Brooke, Nathan settled down at a young age. In fact, he basically chose that life for himself. After growing up with two toxic, abusive parents who spent most of their time either working away from home or putting a tremendous, unhealthy pressure on Nathan to succeed, ultimately Nathan craved independence and stability. So when Haley entered his life and their relationship became more serious, Nathan in turn started to mature. He was dealing with more adult problems while the other characters such as Brooke were still mostly dealing with teen stuff where, to a degree, the adults still called the shots. Then, Haley got pregnant and he and Haley became parents at only eighteen years old. So by the time Nathan was in his early twenties, he was a lot more settled and had basically sown his wild oats. Barring his depression and temporary paralysis which led to the Carrie fiasco, Nathan was a pretty solid husband and father, more or less making good decisions. I totally get why seeing the more together, wiser Nathan would make him less compelling. I won't pretend like I think his story lines during later seasons were on the same level or quite as dynamic as in the high school years, but I don't think it's necessarily unrealistic. It's just kind of something that organically happened. Nathan and Haley got their shit together pretty quickly. Once they'd gone to therapy and worked through everything following their second separation, it seemed as though the majority of the problems were more external than internal? Like, even when Nathan was accused of fathering another woman's child, there was this reassurance that there was no chance it would turn out to be true. It's implied Nathan was a little careless on the road and Haley even notes Nathan being a teen dad who never got to have wild and crazy times (I wholeheartedly disagree considering pre-series Nathan slept with everyone) being a possible motivation for a drunken one night stand. But obviously, those moments were off screen and none of that ever came to pass. There's a fine line because on the one hand, Nathan could have continued to make more mistakes and been the character driving the story. However, there's a delicate balance because once that happens, you run the risk of having the character continue to repeat past mistakes. This is what fucked Lucas during the later seasons. Seasons 2 and 3 Lucas seemed very committed to being a better guy and not repeating his season 1 mistakes only to do exactly that, caring very little about his romantic partner as long as whoever she was fit into his perfect fantasy of having Nathan's life starting a family. So in that way, I'm glad that Nathan proved over and over again that he was growing and didn't necessarily need to be the same temperamental, self destructive guy. Also, One Tree Hill went on for too long. Nathan's arc CLEARLY ended with season 6 when he finally made it to the NBA. After that, they were just throwing stuff at him.

#Nathan Scott #Anonymous

[snowangeldotmp3]

wip word search !!

tagged by the lovelies!! @figthefruitfaeth @fastcardotmp3 @cheatghost @judasofsuburbia & @gideoncharov !! thank u all for the tag <33

rules: share snippets of your work containing each of the words the previous poster selected for you (optional addition: if you can't find the word in your WIPs, or you simply don't have any WIPs, you can just write a sentence around the word)

my words: morning, sun, close, turn, notice + balance, right, sky, sorry, color + run, stay, move, reach, close + mark, finger, take, time, world + haunt, path, concrete, build, admit

these are all from various au's because i can't ever focus on one thing for very long </3

morning:

(from the steddie chap of the ouat au :) )

It’s an oddly profound thing to say at eight in the morning, but he’s right. And Robin knows the feeling.

sun:

(from a supergirl robin au i wrote but never finished)

Pretty doesn’t describe Supergirl. Gorgeous, a little boyish, her short cropped shaggy hair, freckles, the way she looks radiant in the evening sun.  Power.

close:

(from kas max)

Her eyes are completely white, her hands are now closer to claws.

turn:

(from spider-nance)

“Can you believe those assholes?” Max says, turning off the TV and making her way to their kitchenette. “What happened to the Spider-Woman? I’d like to see them get out there and do half of what Spider-Woman did. Asshats.”

notice:

(from werewolf nancy)

It hadn’t been long after Nancy’s first shift under the full moon that Robin noticed it.

How Nancy’s teeth are the teensiest bit sharper when she smiles. The way her eyes flash gold every now and again, blue and gold meshing together for a fraction of a second when she gets excited about something or when she’s got barely contained rage simmering inside.

balance:

(from supergirl robin)

Nancy nods. “Like you said, High school’s hell on earth. I thought I could balance being the perfect daughter and the perfect student and the perfect girlfriend. And I couldn’t. I was living a lie.”

She doesn’t give Supergirl the full story.

right:

(from spider-nance)

Robin follows the sound, walking through the kitchen and into what she assumes is Nancy’s room, only to find all of her furniture moved to one side of the room, her floor a mess of red string and push pins, and Nancy standing on the ceiling, mug of coffee upside down (right side up?) in her hand.

sky:

(from supergirl robin)

On her face, her freckles, which painted Supergirl’s face like stars in the sky.

sorry:

(supergirl robin)

Maybe that’s a secret power she has. She places a firm hand over Nancy’s, and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

color:

run:

(from mermaid nancy)

Robin doesn’t run the risk of burning to a crisp when she goes for a walk at 3AM.

stay:

(from ouat au)

Two, stay, if only for Max (her daughter, she reminds herself, even if the word feels too heavy right now), and her strange, and somewhat worrying, obsession with fairy tales.

move:

(from the rebel robin au)

A glimpse, brief, fleeting, of a figure moves between trees. Long arms, long clawed hands. No face.

reach:

(from ouat au)

Robin turns to give her a mock salute, watching as the door slams on 108 Maple Street, before reaching her car and driving downtown.

mark:

(haunted hawkins au)

What does catch Nancy’s eye is the mark on all the victims—a scar—one that looks eerily similar to a star, either carved or burned into the victim.

finger:

(from kas max)

Mostly human fingers that taper down into dark, sharp points.

take:

(from kas max)

Whatever it is, whatever he’s done, he’s taken Max. Again.

time:

(from kas max)

“I wish people would stop telling me that it’s gonna be okay. That we’ll win in the end, we always do. It doesn’t feel like it. Not this time.”

world:

(from the rebel robin au)

Her eyes are still adjusting to the eerie blue lighting of this…place? World? Dimension?

haunt:

(another surprise from the haunted hawkins au)

A shiver shoots down her spine. The voice is familiar, haunting, almost like…

“Do you hear that?” Nancy asks.

path:

concrete:

(from spider-nance)

Wounds that still bleed with the sounds of metal scraping and falling concrete and “Nancy!”

build:

(from kas max)

Downtown is in no better condition than it has been for the last month. Smoke still billows out of buildings, out of the ground.

admit:

(from the ouat au hehe)

(She knows what it is. Deep down. But she can’t admit it to herself because if she does, it would be like dangling happiness in front of her, and then ripping it away. She knows that’s not what she’s destined for.)

no pressure tags as always <3: @gothbat99 @flashyysins @kkpwnall @el-fandom-birb @lionydoorin @verymuchablog42 @netflixnormalthings @sneak-a-cat @fishwear @flowercrowngods @legitcookie & anyone else who wants to!

your words are: star, concentrate, shoot, wound, remember

#tag games #tried to do all the words 😤😤 #anyway this was really fun and now i must go and write some more of these bc this was weirdly inspiring... #to the docs!

[goldenpinof]

It’s also possible that Dan himself went on tour not only because he wanted to see his fans but because he thought he’d profit more. Like, let’s be real, in the current situation it’d be reckless for him to just going on tour with the knowledge that he’d lose money? It was a more acceptable risk with TATINOF because they knew people would attend and even if they didn’t, their YouTube career was at its peak. The thing is: Dan detached himself from his own community for too long which means he didn’t quite realize that a lot had changed since BIG and the tour promoters acted the same way.

yeah, i agree. going on tour knowing that the profit will likely be minimal doesn't sit right with me. he must have thought it would sell better. his career is at the point where there's no backup. they bought a house, that has cost probably millions. they have to pay bills that are also not low considering the size of the house. Phil's youtube career is dying (i'm sorry, pals, but it's true), Dan didn't do anything for his youtube career to remain on the same level as in 2018. he can't get 2-3 millions per video, he doesn't like sponsorships to somehow balance the expenses (especially now with a whole crew, rented studio and guests). where is their income coming from? irl merch? i have to laugh. so the tour looks like he went all-in and there was no one to stop him. promoters don't know shit about Dan's audience, i'm surprised he decided to trust them now.

idk, honestly. if we're exaggerating and the actual profit is somewhat decent, then yikes to us. but it's hard to believe that with cancelled shows and half-empty venues. and venues that close access to seating plans 😤 it can't be that we're all delusional. people point out the mess without looking at the venues. we're mature enough to recognise illogical marketing or questionable decisions made to save a profitable show (i.e. Auckland).

#answered #i feel like a coach analyst today sndbbdjdsk #wad 2022

[jabbage]

#Letters from Watson #lettersfromwatson

[faulty-writes]

Now im desperate for a part 2 oh lordy

And heres another rose 🌹

[ Ah yes, a rose. I'll take that, thank you <3 Alright, this continuation stems from this request. To summarize the reader and Rumi had a relationship during high school but broke up. Years pass and the reader and Rumi meet up once again due to the Hero Commission sending the lovely reader on a task. As if that wasn't awkward enough, the hotel room only has one bed which Rumi claimed. ]

A grumble escaped as you lay on the floor with your arms and legs spread out. You had managed to find an extra sheet and pillow in the closet which somewhat eased the discomfort of laying on the flat surface, but that's not what was bothering you.

Rather it was the fact that the Hero Commission had purposely teamed you up with Rumi of all people. A sigh came as you turned onto your side and placed one arm beneath your head, your other arm laid out in front of you and your busy fingers drummed against the soft surface of the sheet.

Your brow furrowed in thought, just how much did the Hero Commission know about your past relationship with Rumi? Why out of all the available heroes was she picked? But above all, why the hell does she get the bed and you have to sleep on the floor?

Another growl came as you hurried to your feet, hearing your knees crack in retaliation. You grunted, steading your balance before walking over to the bed where Rumi was sprawled out. Even in the dim lighting of the room, you could make out her features.

The way her shorts left very little to the imagination and how her shirt was slightly pushed up, revealing her smooth and muscular stomach. Her hair was piled across the bed and her ears were flopped completely down, framing the sides of her sleeping face.

Not to mention her mouth was agape, letting out snores, and a visible amount of drool leaked from the corner of her lips. "Mm..." you grumbled and crossed your arms. 'Back when we were dating, she'd always share the bed with me,' was she that hurt you broke up with her that she wouldn't even be civil?

Then again, given her personality maybe this is how she treated everyone. 'Well...I don't care if she hates me! She didn't have any right to take the bed, make me sleep on the floor like a dog,' your hands balled into fists and you shifted on your feet, debating the risks and benefits of doing what you were about to.

'Screw it!' you decided as you proceeded to climb onto the bed. Your heart was racing, nervously wondering if Rumi would happen to wake up or not. But even if she did, you'd still try your damnest to claim half of the bed for yourself.

The mattress dipped underneath your weight, but your eyes never left Rumi's sleeping face. Once you reached the top of the bed, you carefully turned on your side allowing your back to face Rumi. Then you brought your knees up to your chest and snuggled your face against the soft surface of the pillow.

You were a little disappointed that Rumi decided to sleep on top of the covers instead of underneath them. You preferred to have something draped over you while you slept, but the room was neither cold nor hot so maybe you could manage without it.

Still, you couldn't quite relax and the soft snores from Rumi didn't help. They brought your mind back, way back to the days you and she were together. "Mm..." you frowned knowing that there had been more positive than negative aspects of your relationship with her.

Plenty of shared laughs and cries, moments of comfort and safety. Rumi was always protecting you and she would never hesitate to speak in your defense even if that meant it would end in a fist fight. You assumed this was because she tended to speak first and ask questions later.

Then again, it wasn't hard to argue that she was always looking for some type of excuse to fight. Still, you couldn't help but chuckle at the memories but you quickly covered your mouth. Shaking your head, you tried to remind yourself not to get swept away in that blissful feeling again.

You had your own reasons for breaking up with her, and you would continue to stick by them. But deep down, you knew that you craved to relive those moments again. To be able to feel someone's secure arms around you and someone to kiss your lips as they played with your hair.

"Hm?" your eyes widened when you heard Rumi mumble and quickly looked over your shoulder. Feeling your momentary panic dull when you realized she was still asleep. You sighed before laying your head back down and closing your eyes.

It felt like forever had passed before you actually fell asleep only to be woken up when the bed moved and Rumi's arm draped over you. This was quickly followed by her pressing her body against yours making your eyes snap open in shock.

"Uh..." you couldn't help but shift your eyes back and forth, wanting to know exactly what was happening. But part of you was too afraid to turn your head and look at her and the gentle sound of her breathing indicated she was still sleeping.

"Mm..." your face grew hot and your heart was pounding rapidly. You wondered if you were having a panic attack but quickly dismissed that idea. If your relationship with Rumi was over and done, then how could she still cause this kind of reaction in you? Unintentionally at that.

You shook your head, trying to push it off as nothing more than a natural reaction. More than likely the two of you would wake up in the morning either feeling awkward or Rumi would proceed to literally kick you off of the bed.

Another sigh escaped after taking a deep breath and you closed your eyes once again, enjoying the closeness for now. However, just as you thought when morning came you were woken up by something impacting your side which caused you to fall off of the bed.

You hit the floor with a loud thud and hissed out, "What the hell!?" before seeing Rumi looming over you with a snarl. "I told you to sleep on the floor pretty face, what's the matter have a hard time listening?!" she questioned with a snicker, acting like she was victorious in some manner.

"Pff..." you glared at her before rolling your eyes. "I'm not the one who wanted cuddles last night," Rumi's brow furrowed as she watched you stand and brush yourself off. "What the hell are ya talking about?" she questioned, placing her hand on her hip.

"Heh, don't remember?" you crossed your arms. "That's not surprising, you seem to remember more of the bad moments of our past relationship than the good ones," you accused with a pointed finger causing her to tilt her head.

Her ears remained flopped down, and she looked like she was confused, or maybe her brain was having a momentary meltdown trying to recall the memories you were speaking of. "And you do?" she replied after a few moments of silence.

"As a matter of fact...I do," you replied before sighing. "It's easy to remember the things you care about..." you said rubbing the back of your head with flushed cheeks. "But I guess you never did," you frowned before turning to walk to the restroom.

It was surprising that Rumi didn't say anything in reply. Instead, she just watched you close the bathroom door and proceeded to frown. "Guess that's why we're different, pretty face!" she called, trying to hide the hurt in her voice before she got up and cracked her back.

"Today we get to kick some ass, even though I could do that without you!" she approached the bathroom. "You hear me pretty face!?" she exclaimed as she pounded on the door before chuckling. It was hard to believe how much she missed messing with you.

#rumi x reader #mirko x reader #mirko x you #mirko x y/n #bnha x y/n #bnha x you #bnha x reader #faulty writes: rumi usagiyama #faulty writes: rumi usagiyama: one shot

[localhakim]

Biotech Breakthroughs - Ethical Concerns About Gene Editing

One of the most exciting developments in biotechnology has been the ability to manipulate DNA in living organisms with unprecedented precision. This has allowed researchers to insert new genes into cells, modify existing ones, or delete disease-related ones. It’s a game-changer that has the potential to revolutionize medicine, but it also raises ethical questions about how people may use this technology in the future.

A major concern is that the technology could be used for eugenic purposes, such as eliminating certain genetic traits in future generations. These concerns are heightened by the fact that embryos can be genetically edited, which would allow scientists to change the genome of future tech ogle children. The first case of editing the genes of human embryos was reported in 2019 by Chinese scientists who inserted a gene that prevents HIV infection into twin fetuses. This raises concerns about what is being called “genetic engineering” or “designer babies.”

The vast majority of U.S. adults say they are very or somewhat worried about the possibility of gene editing being used to greatly reduce a baby’s risk of serious diseases and health conditions over their lifetime. But they’re less skeptical that the technology will lead to medical advances that benefit society overall. Roughly six-in-ten Americans say gene editing will definitely or probably make it possible for people to live much healthier lives. And two-thirds think that if genetically editing is technology news widely used, it will be done in ways that are morally acceptable.

Other important innovations in the field of biotechnology include 3-D printing and biosensors. 3-D printing enables scientists to create living tissues and organs for medical research and training. Biosensors are small devices that can detect chemicals or biological signals and then respond in a specific way. This type of technology has the potential to improve clinical trials, drug development, and diagnostic testing.

There is also a growing interest in synthetic biology, which involves building living organisms from the components of existing life forms. Scientists can build complex genetically modified microbes to perform a wide range of tasks, from improving the efficiency of a fermentation process to synthesizing proteins that have never been produced before.

Some researchers believe that the development of gene editing will lead to a time when humans can choose which traits they want to pass on to their offspring, such as intelligence or athletic ability. This has the potential to reshape society and culture. But many experts warn that it will be difficult to maintain a balance between the beneficial and harmful effects of the technology, especially if the power to edit genes is in the hands of a few wealthy individuals. In addition, the risks of errors in editing genes or introducing undesired side effects are real. A recent study found that the accuracy of CRISPR gene editing is only about 10%. As a result, it will likely take years for this technology to be used in clinical applications. Even so, many scientists are optimistic that it will eventually become a mainstream tool for preventing and treating diseases.

[mediaevalmusereads]

The Faithless Hawk. By Margaret Owen. Henry Holt and Company, 2020.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: YA fantasy

Series: The Merciful Crow #2

Summary: As the new chieftain of the Crows, Fie knows better than to expect a royal to keep his word. Still she’s hopeful that Prince Jasimir will fulfill his oath to protect her fellow Crows. But then black smoke fills the sky, signaling the death of King Surimir and the beginning of Queen Rhusana's merciless bid for the throne.

With the witch queen using the deadly plague to unite the nation of Sabor against Crows—and add numbers to her monstrous army—Fie and her band are forced to go into hiding, leaving the country to be ravaged by the plague. However, they’re all running out of time before the Crows starve in exile and Sabor is lost forever.

A desperate Fie calls on old allies to help take Rhusana down from within her own walls. But inside the royal palace, the only difference between a conqueror and a thief is an army. To survive, Fie must unravel not only Rhusana’s plot, but ancient secrets of the Crows—secrets that could save her people, or set the world ablaze.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: violence, blood, disturbing imagery

OVERVIEW: I quite enjoyed the first book in this duology, so I decided to keep going and read book 2. I enjoyed this reading experience as well, though I must admit it was somewhat lessened due to the focus on plot over character interactions. Still, there were some aspects that I thought were improved from the first book. All in all, I'm rating this 3 stars because I'm still a bit mixed, though leaning in favor.

WRITING: Owen's prose is about the same as in book 1, so I don't have much to add. Owen balances showing and telling well, and I think the sentences flow well and are clearly written.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Fie as she attempts to stop Queen Rhusana from seizing the throne of Sabor. Since book 1, Fir has gained an armed guard for protection, but their loyalties are called into question when the King dies and the Queen has yet to be granted formal authority over the military. Moreover, Jasimir and Tavin are put to the test when Rhusana offers them a deal - one that challenges the royals' oath to keep the Crows safe by leveraging the stability of the kingdom.

There were a couple things about this plot that I think improved upon the shortcomings of the first book. For one, Rhusana has more of a presence and seems to be actively involved in events (rather than being a boogeyman in the background). I still think she has a tendency to conveniently pop up when the plot needs some action, but I liked that she was more of a direct threat this time around.

I also appreciated that Owen wrote more about the Sinner's Plague. In this book, Rhusana manipulates the people into thinking that Crows are not needed to stop the plague, which puts whole towns at risk. In book 1, the plague seemed like a vague background detail, but this time, it posed more of a problem.

But even with these things, I found that I didn't enjoy the story as much as the first book, and I think it's because there's less focus on character growth. In book 1, there's the roadtrip plot, but characters learn and grow at the same time. In this book, character relationships are already established and Owen doesn't devote time to building up a partnership between Fie and her new allies, Khoda and Viimo.

I also wasn't a huge fan of the fact that Fiw was so quick to assume the worst of Tavin when he makes a questionable decision. Fie spends her time feeling hurt and betrayed, and while that's valid, it didn't seem plausible that she would assume Tavin had a complete change of heart. I think a little more nuance in the way this aspect is handled would have made the angst less anoying.

Lastly, the nuanced exploration of prejudice in book 1 was absent in book 2, and while I don't think Owen needed to rehash her previous points, I was disappointed that book 2 didn't take the opportunity to look at how prejudice and power work (or something). I was hoping that book 2 would continue the discussion from book 1, or build on the main concept, but most of what I thought made book 1 special was absent in book 2.

TL;DR: The Faithless Hawk takes readers back to the rich world of Sabor, but I personally found it less enjoyable than book 1. Though it does make some improvements re: the sinner's plague and the antagonist, there isn't a lot of development for the characters and more focus is given to the political plot than the personal relationships or contemplation of prejudice.

CHARACTERS: Fie, Jasimir, and Tavin are protagonists once more in this book. Fie is still admirable but, in my opinion, a little more impulsive and quick to judge. She also has a secret identity which was fine but kind of took away from what I liked about her in book 1. Tavin was fine but made some stupid decisions that had me roll my eyes. Jasimir was fine - not much to him this time around.

We did have some new characters that were interesting. Khoda was fun, but he seemed to be there mostly to make plans and fill Fie in on needed info. I wish more had been done to develop his personal relationship with Fie (as an ally) and Jasimir (as his subject and lover).

Rhusana was more present in this book and thus became a more threatening protagonist. There were times when I thought her schemes and plans were silly and didn't make much sense (other than to cause drama), and I wish Owen had put more pressure on her desire to replace the caste system with a new hierarchy with her at the top. I think this plan would have made for some interesting commentary on power and would have complimented the first book well.

[paraquesirvenlosvpn]

does vpn and skype work in turkey

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does vpn and skype work in turkey

VPN legality in Turkey

In Turkey, the legality of VPNs (Virtual Private Networks) has been a topic of debate and scrutiny in recent years. The Turkish government has implemented various restrictions on internet usage, including censorship of certain websites and online platforms. As a result, many internet users in Turkey have turned to VPNs as a means to bypass these restrictions and access blocked content.

However, the legal status of VPNs in Turkey is somewhat ambiguous. While there are no specific laws that prohibit the use of VPNs, the government has taken steps to restrict their usage in certain contexts. For example, in 2020, the Turkish government passed a law requiring VPN providers to obtain a license from the government in order to operate legally in the country. This move was seen as a way to exert greater control over internet access and monitor online activities more closely.

Despite these regulations, many VPN providers continue to operate in Turkey without obtaining the required license. This has led to a cat-and-mouse game between VPN providers and the Turkish government, with providers frequently changing their servers and IP addresses to evade detection and maintain access for their users.

In addition to government regulations, there are also concerns about privacy and security when using VPNs in Turkey. Some users worry that their online activities could be monitored or tracked by the government, even when using a VPN. As a result, many individuals and organizations in Turkey remain cautious about using VPNs for sensitive or confidential tasks.

Overall, while the legal status of VPNs in Turkey remains somewhat unclear, they continue to be a popular tool for internet users seeking to bypass censorship and access blocked content. However, users should be aware of the potential risks and limitations associated with using VPNs in this context.

Skype restrictions in Turkey

In Turkey, Skype has faced restrictions over the years due to government regulations and censorship laws. The Turkish government has implemented various measures to control and monitor internet usage within the country, which has impacted the availability and functionality of Skype for Turkish users.

One of the main reasons for the restrictions on Skype in Turkey is the government's concerns over national security and the ability to intercept and monitor communications. By imposing limitations on Skype, authorities aim to have more control over the flow of information and prevent potential security threats.

Additionally, Turkish telecom companies have in the past lobbied for restrictions on Skype as it competes with their own services, leading to a decision to ban or limit the usage of Skype in the country. This has not only restricted individuals from accessing the platform freely but has also hindered businesses and organizations that rely on Skype for communication and collaboration purposes.

Despite the restrictions, some Turkish users still find ways to access Skype through the use of virtual private networks (VPNs) or other circumvention tools. However, these workarounds come with risks of their own, as using VPNs in Turkey can sometimes lead to legal consequences.

The restrictions on Skype in Turkey highlight the ongoing debates surrounding internet freedom and censorship in the country. As technological advancements continue to reshape the way we communicate, it remains to be seen how Turkish authorities will navigate the balance between security concerns and the principles of a free and open internet.

Turkey internet regulations on VPNs

Turkey has implemented strict regulations concerning the use of Virtual Private Networks (VPNs) to control internet access and information flow within the country. The government has increasingly cracked down on VPN services in an attempt to monitor and restrict online activities, particularly those that are deemed to be in violation of Turkish laws and regulations.

Under the current internet regulations in Turkey, the use of VPNs is closely monitored and restricted. The government requires VPN providers to obtain a license from the state-run Information and Communication Technologies Authority (BTK) in order to operate legally in the country. This has led to many VPN services being blocked or banned, making it difficult for individuals to access censored or geo-restricted content.

Furthermore, Turkish authorities have been known to censor online content and social media platforms, throttling internet speeds, and blocking access to certain websites. VPNs have been a popular tool for Turkish residents to bypass these restrictions and protect their online privacy. However, with the increased government control over VPN usage, many users are finding it more challenging to access the unrestricted internet.

In response to these regulations, many VPN providers have adapted their services to comply with Turkish laws, while others have chosen to cease operations in the country altogether. This has significantly limited the options available to Turkish users seeking online privacy and unrestricted access to the internet.

Overall, the strict regulations on VPNs in Turkey highlight the ongoing struggle between government control and individual freedom on the internet. As the authorities continue to tighten their grip on online activities, Turkish citizens are left with fewer options to access the open internet securely and privately.

Using VPN for Skype in Turkey

Title: Navigating Skype Restrictions in Turkey: Why Using a VPN is Essential

In Turkey, accessing certain online services like Skype can be challenging due to government restrictions and censorship measures. However, with the help of a Virtual Private Network (VPN), users can bypass these limitations and enjoy unrestricted access to Skype and other blocked content.

VPN services encrypt users' internet traffic and route it through a secure server in a different location, effectively masking their IP addresses and location. This means that even if Skype is blocked in Turkey, users can still connect to the service by appearing as though they are accessing it from a different country where it is not restricted.

By using a VPN for Skype in Turkey, individuals can maintain their privacy and security while communicating with friends, family, and colleagues. VPNs encrypt data transmissions, protecting sensitive information such as chat conversations, file transfers, and voice or video calls from potential interception by third parties or government surveillance.

Furthermore, VPNs offer additional benefits beyond accessing Skype. They enable users to bypass other forms of online censorship, access geo-restricted content such as streaming services or social media platforms, and enhance online security when using public Wi-Fi networks.

When selecting a VPN for use in Turkey, it's essential to choose a reputable provider with strong encryption protocols, a wide selection of server locations, and a strict no-logs policy to ensure maximum privacy protection.

In conclusion, using a VPN for Skype in Turkey is not only a practical solution to circumvent censorship and access blocked content but also a crucial step towards safeguarding online privacy and security. By employing this technology, individuals can enjoy unrestricted communication and maintain control over their personal data in an increasingly monitored online environment.

Turkey online communication laws

Title: Understanding Turkey's Online Communication Laws

Turkey's online communication laws have undergone significant changes in recent years, impacting how individuals and businesses interact and communicate over the internet. These laws aim to regulate various aspects of online communication, including social media use, data protection, and censorship.

One of the most notable aspects of Turkey's online communication laws is the regulation of social media platforms. In July 2020, Turkey passed legislation requiring social media companies with over one million daily users to appoint a local representative in the country. This representative is responsible for addressing government concerns regarding content removal and data access. Failure to comply with this requirement can result in fines, advertising bans, and bandwidth throttling for the non-compliant platforms.

Additionally, Turkey has implemented strict measures to combat online hate speech and misinformation. The government has the authority to order the removal of content deemed illegal, such as posts inciting violence or promoting terrorism. However, critics argue that these laws are often used to suppress freedom of speech and stifle dissenting voices.

Data protection is another crucial aspect of Turkey's online communication laws. The country has enacted legislation modeled after the European Union's General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which aims to protect the privacy and security of individuals' personal data online. This includes requirements for obtaining consent before collecting personal information and implementing measures to safeguard data against unauthorized access or disclosure.

Despite these regulations, concerns remain about the potential for government overreach and censorship. Critics argue that the broad language of some laws allows authorities to interpret them in ways that infringe on fundamental rights, such as freedom of expression and privacy.

In conclusion, Turkey's online communication laws reflect the government's efforts to regulate the internet and protect citizens' rights in the digital age. However, the balance between security, freedom, and privacy remains a subject of debate and scrutiny.

[nicholaskqut]

Week 9: Racing Game Post Mortem

Setting Up Playtesting Below is an example of what the prototype looked like for testers.

Three relevant individuals, who would act as naïve testers, were chosen to test the prototype. I ensured the demographic for these testers were relevant to the prototype or the target audience. - Joel (Gamer, School Student, Competitor - Plays games to win) - Brody (Gamer, School Student, Joker - Plays games for fun) - Charlton (Gamer, Adult, Joker - Plays games for fun) Unlike my last playtest, I did not provide any pitch or information to the testers beforehand, only informing them that this was a game based on the original Asteroids game. The questions they were to answer after testing my game a few times were listed below: As this is a post mortem post, I will combine the playtest results and post mortem into one blog by summarising and shortening the feedback provided by the testers. To amend some mistakes I made last playtest, I provided some contextual information of the prototype to the testers to not leave them in the dark, so to speak, as well as note more details about the tester rather than just facial expressions - hand movement, times, subgoals, etc. From 1-5 (Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree): The design was clear, and I understood the objectives of the game. The game flowed well. The game felt balanced. There was a clear strategy. I felt a sense of tension and release that was satisfying. The game was fun to play. I would want to replay this game again. Answer the following questions What Works? Things to Improve New Ideas What do you think was the most exciting or fun moment for you as you played?

The design was clear, and I understood the objectives of the game. This part contained mixed results with a mean result of 3, as testers understood the design but not the objectives. I had observed that the testers appeared somewhat apathetic after various attempts, in which they had discovered the in-game strategies and interactions between the systems but felt "confused" about the relevance of the goal itself. The game flowed well. This section was mostly negative with a mean result of 2, contributed primarily to a sense of boredom the testers felt after a few playtests. I noted the testers abused the same strategy - which they have stated to found boring - repeatedly as it was, interestingly, "the only effective strategy," particularly in the later stages of the game. The game felt balanced. The average mean was 4 and testers found the game was balanced, as neither the player or the game itself were "overpowered." It was made clear that these comments mostly comment on the later stages of the game, as I did see players take more risks in collecting fuel and powerup collectibles to survive the difficult increase of traffic. There was a clear strategy. The results for this, although a mean of 4, require clarification, as testers generally stuck to one strategy - sticking to the left lanes - throughout the tests. Its high score was mainly for when the game became difficult, as testers found it "at least challenged" the strategy they were sticking to, which was too effective as I observed. I felt a sense of tension and release that was satisfying. A disappointing mean of 2, as the testers found little to no tension or satisfaction during or after the playtest. I did not observe any testers quickly flicking between controls or being disappointed with a loss, with all of these being, again, contributed to an apathetic attitude towards the goal. The game was fun to play. The mean was a 2, as the testers found the prototype's sense of "flow" was just too slow and "predictable." No surprises, effective challenges or events revived their sense of curiosity, in which each, interestingly, suspected the game would get difficult as it progressed at some point during the testing. I would want to replay this game again. An expected and effective mean of 1. The testers attempted to put some blame on themselves for not enjoying these styles of games, but most did not find any reason to return to the game, whether it be for relaxation or for breaking a highscore, etc.

What Works? Testers found that the controls and difficulty progression worked, in which the controls were "natural and suitable" for completing the required actions, while the difficulty progression would make the game "more interesting" and had potential behind it. Things to Improve Besides the controls and the graphics, which the testers understood would be low quality, everything needs to be refined for one reason or another, whether it be they are too easy to use or avoid or had little impact on the gameplay, which the testers felt towards the powerups. New Ideas The main ideas, or useful ones, suggested by the testers was to make all lanes of the map equally as hard, to make the car faster and to make the score and goal more relevant, in which the last point was caused by the testers feeling like their goal did not matter essentially. What do you think was the most exciting or fun moment for you as you played? All agreed that the most enjoyable part was when the difficulty progression system kicked in, in which the game began to propose "some form" of challenge to the testers.

Regarding the prototype's development, I am heavily dissatisfied but somewhat glad with the results. It lacks any significant inclusion of competitiveness and fails to provide a relaxing, nor enjoyable, experience. Feedback from testers addressed valid concerns about its unenjoyability and about concepts discussed in Tracy Fullerton's Chapter 11 in Game Design Workshop, such as stagnation, the absence of rewards and a lack of a challenge. The slow-paced and repetitive nature of the prototype, occurrent throughout the tests, contributed to a perceived lack of change happening —an aspect, as Fullerton states, impacts player engagement. Furthermore, the prototype missed opportunities to introduce any element of challenge Fullerton described too, from stretching players' limits or encouraging competition to challenging the player on different skills. This absence created a void in the gameplay and mechanics, which subsequently made the game unenjoyable. Finally, it became apparent that the prototype lacked a any fulfilling rewards. Players, upon completing the prototype, found no reward, satisfying ending or system that allowed them to compare their skills or scores with others. This lack of a measurable bar or a reward system, emphasised by Fullerton, has the potential to discourage players from engaging with the game that does not award their attention. I must acknowledge that I failed to properly polish and innovate the prototype, allowing its quality to decline overall. It is essential to note from Fullerton in Chapter 6 that designers do not excel with every game, genre, or mechanic, in which I did not excel with this genre of game: however, the feedback allows me to go back and make a better prototype, which I am glad about. Regarding the prototype's design, my satisfaction is moderate. While the existing elements suit the requirements of the game genre, there are areas, particularly in the difficulty progression and overall pacing, that I would consider refining. Concerning difficulty progression, I had noted the presence, or at least the perception, of stagnation - a factor identified by Fullerton in Chapter 11 as a detriment to games. Additionally, the pacing of the prototype, especially in terms of the obstacles, player dynamics, and map, felt sluggish. To address this, I would first review the basic challenge elements Fullerton had outlined. Integrating two or three additional elements, such as "reaching and exceeding goals" and "competing against opponents," could enhance the uniqueness and replayability of the prototype and its mechanics. Additionally, responding to playtest feedback, I would modify the game's difficulty, particularly in its early stages. This could involve introducing more obstacles that go beyond merely blocking a lane to introduce a variety of obstacles to keep the player on alert. I would want this to tie in with the pacing adjustments, where I would increase the speed of both the player and the challenges to not only balance each other out but to make the gameplay feel, look and be faster. A final refinement would involve equalising the danger level across all lanes, preventing a single strategy (staying in left lanes) from dominating the game. As Fullerton stated, offering multiple paths or choices to victory provides players with agency. Allowing players more control, facilitated through elements like strategic choices, can improve their enjoyment by fostering a sense of control over the game. The prototype faced many challenges in a poor way and ultimately suffered for it. However, as a designer, I must always remember there is a bright side to it, in which I was provided with information not only on how to make this game better, but on my characteristics (strengths and weaknesses) as a designer. Thank you for following along with this game, until my next post! Goodbye! References Fullerton, T. (2018). Game Design Workshop: A Playcentric Approach to Creating Innovative Games. ProQuest Ebook. Retrieved from: https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/qut/reader.action?docID=5477698

#Racing Post Mortem

[walkeddeath]

🍇🍋

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ♡   𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

Gen had a very rough childhood and it had a very strong and lasting impact. Her mother was highly co-dependent and abusive in multiple ways. it caused her to run away from home at fifteen, which was when she made her deal with "death" and everything started, and it did continue after she returned home. If asked to go into details or really describe it, gen doesn't really like discussing it, and they also do not have many solid memories from it. It did influence/impact how they are prone to trying to save others even if it means risking their own safety. maturing wise, like actual solid kind only really started after her mother died and she was able to finally get the help she needed at 18. sometimes she does want to go back, honestly they always want to go back and change things, do something differently that could save them later on.

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  

Gen forgets to eat frequently and they have to be reminded to eat but also end up reminding others because of it. her diet is somewhat balanced but she does tend to get a few foods that become hyperfixations. she doesn't like being told what to eat / how much or how little or people making comments on it in general. a reminder to do it is different. Their relationship with food has been a challenge for a very long time. she has suffered in the past from an eating disorder and still has lingering issues . she's been in recovery for 9 years but it doesn't fully go away. She does love to cook and bake, though, especially for others.

#behe4dings #abuse tw // #eating disorder tw // #wow this was the real serious one wasn't it fjdksjjgn #i didn't want to go in heavy detail #so its vague its very vague #*:･so tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes ✧ answered･:* #₊ ⊹ this phantom life sharpens like an image • meta.