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#which is the one thing everyone seems to forget
cordeliawhohung · 3 days
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Strangers
john price x fem!reader | masterlist | ao3
John Price remembers every life he's ever lived. When death takes him in one universe, he's born into the next with all his memories and past experiences still intact. Throughout the lives he's lived, you're the only thing that ever seems to quell the ache in his chest, and he spends every life searching for your comfort. Except, in this life, he's too late
cw: soulmate!au, murder, suicide, feticide, kidnapping, drugging, possessive john price, non-con elements, one shot, dead dove: do not eat!!!
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In every life you’ve ever lived, John Price finds you. 
He’s drawn to you like an animal is drawn to its cage. The glint of the metal bars look like stars if he squints hard enough, and the smell of blood and iron is the fairest perfume in the world. There is no life that he wishes to live without you in it. Tucked close to his chest in bed at night. Curled up underneath his thumb. Where you go, he follows you, hidden in the shadows until he’s ready to reveal himself as the soulmate who’s been tracking you across eons worth of lives. 
It’s a simple curse. One that’s haunted him since he first poofed into existence so long ago he can’t recall how much time has passed. Forever bound to remember every life he’s ever lived while everyone else debates the possibility of a god or heaven, forgetting their reincarnated selves in other universes. It’s a particularly lonely ailment. He had been locked in chains in one life for attempting to convince the world that there was life after death, not through a god, but through sheer human will. Had to sever the artery in his tongue with his teeth and drink down his blood to escape a life of imprisonment, and just like he knew he would, he woke up in his next life a free man. 
These days, he spends his lives on something more worthwhile: you. Just as he does, you look the same in every universe with a smile he knows by touch alone and a laugh that is the only melody that can soothe the immortal ache in his chest. He’s fried his brain with drugs and killed his liver with drink, forever carrying the burden of memory, and yet throughout his travels, you remain the only thing capable of soothing that terrible ache that haunts him. If death has already taken you in one life, he kills himself and moves onto the next, a wild man forever on the hunt for you. 
The only other thing that stays consistent throughout his many lives besides the desire to be yours, is the taste of fresh tea. He prefers Yorkshire tea, but the Earl Grey they substitute at the shop is fine enough. Quiet muttering fills the air around him as he sits in the corner of the shop, alone with his thoughts. He takes a sip of the tea, allowing the hint of lavender to wash over his tongue as if cleansing him. It’s the only thing that tastes and smells like home. Besides you, of course; but he hasn’t found you yet, and it’s getting late. 
Usually, he’s lucky enough to find you by the time both of you are in your twenties. It’s easy to win you over at that age. He holds a maturity well beyond his years, and you hold a wide-eyed innocence that has you in his grasp before you even realize it. But he’s in his thirties, and that has him anxious. Too much time has passed — a decade more than usual — which leaves him with a variety of possibilities. Ones he doesn’t like entertaining. 
No matter. He’s learned to be somewhat patient over the countless lifetimes spent searching for you, because it always pays off in the end. All the marriages, the children you have, the love you make. John Price is the luckiest man in the world, being able to replay his favorite memories with you for all eternity. He could never tire of you, would never dream of such a terror. 
So when the bell attached to the shop door rings with the entrance of another customer, it quickly turns to music to his ears when he sees you. Afternoon sunlight illuminates the world behind you, blinding him with the beauty you carry across universes and worlds. Your familiar eyes scan the area briefly, hardly paying him any mind before you approach the counter with a grace and poise that has his heart thudding in his throat. He can never get used to the first time. The first time his eyes land on you, he hears your voice, or skin touches yours; it’s the only thing that can tear him apart as well as you do. 
He tries not to stare at your ass when you order your drink. It’s always been his favorite physical feature of yours. There’s something different about this version of you, yet still familiar. Nothing is ever entirely unknown to him, not when it concerns you, but you’re glowing more than usual. It’s captivating in a way that makes him feel like a dog, looking at a woman in such a perverse way, but he knows you like it when he stares. You always have in every other life.
When the barista hands you a to-go cup, John knows he doesn’t have long before you slip away. Such a sharp girl, quick on her feet. Always buzzing around, never staying in one place for too long, as if the imprint of your soul enjoyed the chase of him following after you. It’s a game he enjoys very much; one he doesn’t mind entertaining at all. 
John rises from his seat, cup still half full, where he slips to the door just as you turn around to leave. His pace is leisurely, certainly in no rush as his hands reach out for the exit, only for him to pause. How silly of him to have left his drink behind, the only reason he even came to that shop in the first place. When he turns around, it’s quick and violent, and catches you so off guard you run right into him. 
Piping hot tea splashes around in your to-go cup, and if it wasn’t for John’s quick reflexes and a firm grip on your wrist, you would’ve gotten yourself hurt. Your gasp is sweet and melodic on his ears, and he nearly melts under your gaze as your wide eyes stare at him. Your surprise is cute. As if you couldn’t remember meeting him in countless different universes like this. 
“Terribly sorry, darling,” he says as if surprised. His grip loosens on your wrist just as his other hand comes up to rest on your waist. It’s quick, he knows; but in some way, you’re already used to it. “You alright?” 
It takes you a moment to catch your breath, and once you do, John feels you slip out of his grasp as you take a step back. Both of your hands come up to hold the cup, afraid of dropping it, and you give him a polite smile and nod. 
“Yes, thank you, I… good save,” is all you can manage as you chuckle and gesture to your drink. 
John’s hands mourn the absence of your warmth, yet he allows them to politely fall back against his side. His lips yearn to be on yours. For him, this isn’t a first time greeting, but a long awaited reunion. Still, he calms his nerves and hardens them to steel as he chuckles with you. 
“Would’ve hated for you to have gotten hurt,” he comments as his eyes glance down at your legs. The brief thought of that searing hot liquid broiling the supple skin of your thighs invades his mind before he can push it away. “You’re sure you’re alright?” 
Whatever your response is, he can’t hear it. The dazzling bling of your betrayal drowns out the sound of your voice and everything around him. It’s beautiful; your ring. Its gemstone glints in the sunlight streaming through the windows as if attempting to blind him. No, not blind him. Something worse. It screams at him the very thing he had feared for the last few years; he was too late. Bound to another man in matrimony, a silly mistake you had made before ever seeing the light. 
The aftertaste of tea suddenly tastes putrid on his tongue. His sweet mate, too impatient to wait for him in that lifetime. You’d fucked other men in other lives, and though it had always made his stomach turn, John could understand. But marriage? 
His teeth threaten to shatter under the pressure of his clenching jaw. 
When the sound comes back to him, his eyes comprehend the expression on your face. Discomfort — near disdain. In this universe, John Price is not your lover. He is a man, and only that. One who just so happens to be barring you from the exit. 
He remembers himself, and smiles at you kindly as he quickly steps to the side, muttering an apology with a jaw that’s much too stiff. And still, he reaches behind him to hold the door open for you, and despite your apprehension you thank him quietly and say goodbye before you vanish into the streets. Your smell lingers in the air next to him for only a moment before it dissipates and drowns in the aroma of herbs and teas. His face goes cold as he glares at the corner where his now cold tea sits. 
This was the first life he ever lived where you married a man that wasn’t him. Something broke. Shattered in his chest where the shards cut him apart from the inside out. When he breathes in, he can smell the blood pooling inside of him and it wakes him up to the terrible realization that — for once in his many, many lifetimes — he’s late. He’s late, and he doesn’t know what to do. 
As the sweet smell of tea fades and is replaced by the putrid aroma of London, John tells himself to let it go. So what he wasted thirty plus years just for your heart to already be stolen away from him? There’s a millennia behind him, and a millennia ahead of him. When one life doesn’t go right for him, there’s always the next. Yet as pavement turns to brick and The Thames sprawls out in front of him beyond metal bars, he finds himself hesitating. The idea of letting go can’t quite sink its tendrils into his mind, and his knuckles grow white as he grips the barrier in front of him. 
Bitter wind bites at his face as he looks at the water below him. Hesitation. He doesn’t know why it paralyzes him. There’s never been any need or use for second guesses, because he’s always known what’s waiting for him on the other side. All he needs to do is lift his leg, hoist himself up, and then let gravity do the rest. He’s done it before, in some other life. He’s felt his body hit the frigid water with needle-like pain blossoming across his skin just before it swallows him whole. It’s not an easy way to die, but it’s the only thing violent enough that has the capability of smothering the bitterness growing in his heart. 
The answer to his confusion comes as a whisper on the back of his neck, where it tingles until it reaches the base of his spine and flutters throughout every cell of his body. Principle. It’s the principle of it all. In every single life, you’ve been his lover, his wife, the mother of his children, and if you are not, then you are dead. Rotten. Decaying in some grave by the time he finally finds you. You’re not just his desire, the love of his life, his reason for being; you are his right. 
How long can someone love a soul before it becomes theirs? Before it’s ripped out of their lover and tucked safely away into a cage? 
John chuckles as his hand slips from the railing, and he slides them into his pockets as if he had been enjoying the view of grey water and even more grey skies this entire time. Kill himself? No; you’ve been his this entire time. You just don’t know it yet. 
He’s only ever done this a few times before; kidnap someone. In a few of his past lives, he’s been a soldier. A stone-hardened man who’s stolen families as bartering tools to make terrorists talk when their mouths were otherwise sealed shut. Killing is a good way for him to let out the anger that builds in a man’s soul after so long, and though he prefers to keep it to people who deserve it, his fingers can’t help but twitch as he watches your husband drop you off at the yoga studio. 
Doesn’t he — your husband — deserve it? Death? Shouldn’t he pay the ultimate price for stealing you away from your true lover? The man who’s looked after you for eons? John wants to do it. Kill him. Smell the sanguine aroma that mixes with the harsh gunpowder that expels after a bullet is shot. He wants to, and he could do it, but murder muddles things up more than he would like, and though he’s good at covering his trail, he’d rather steal you away without incident. He’s been carefully plotting this ever since he saw you in that tea shop all those days ago; he can’t ruin it. 
A smile pulls at his lips as he thinks about the look on your husband's face, when his pretty little pretend wife doesn’t return home. When he realizes how he’s failed you.
John’s hands tap at the steering wheel as he waits, patient as ever, for your session to end. Silly of you to go to a night class, really. Even sillier of your husband to allow such a terrible thing. If anything, it's greater proof that this new man in this new life isn’t good for you. It could have been anyone sitting in that car park, waiting for you to leave. Waiting to take you home.
Good thing it’s only him. 
John exits the car just before eight. Cool air does its best to calm the electricity sizzling in his veins, but ultimately it’s his own mind that stills his nerves. Everything is planned out in his mind with moves expertly rehearsed in a past now forgotten, yet still ingrained in his memory; he knows he’ll get exactly what he wants. You. It’s all he craves. All he ever does. 
You exit the studio with a laugh and a wave goodbye to the other women in your yoga class. That pathetic husband of yours is late, which only proves to be good fortune for John as he slips by your side. His feet are dangerously silent on the pavement and his arm is just as warm as ever as he wraps it around your waist, blade in hand. Even through the fabric of your shirt its point is noticeably sharp, and your feet stumble as he presses it against you in warning. 
“Not a word, darling,” he whispers, too saccharine to be a stranger. 
You listen, just like he knew you would, and he steers you away from the pavement and into the car park. It’s difficult for him not to chuckle as he recalls you in another life. How you once batted your pretty lashes at him, all but begging him to use a knife in bed with you. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to feel the cold sting of it against your skin. He wonders if some part of you feels that way in this life. 
Once you reach the car, he slips the zip ties over your wrists in a single fluid motion before opening the door for you. Any onlookers would just think he’s being a gentleman helping you into the car like that, but there’s a method to his madness. As soon as you’re seated into the passengers side, your eyes meet his and they widen with terrified recognition. Not quite the look he hoped for from you, but your expression quickly melts away the moment a needle pierces through your pants and into your thigh. All that’s left to do is buckle you in and drive off. 
He likes to pretend he’s carrying you to your honeymoon room as he curls you up into his arms. A sweet bride, passed out against his chest as he carries you to bed, safe in the confines of the cage he’s spent that entire lifetime preparing for you. You don’t stir when he places you in bed, but he lays down next to you as if both of you are resting. He lays in front of you so he can see your face while it’s peaceful; not while it’s twisted with confusion and disgust like it was in the tea shop a few days ago. No, he likes you much better like this. Quiet and pliant. 
The tips of his fingers trace the features of your face, and it’s a dance he’s grown to have well memorized. They brush your lips and the tip of your nose before dipping underneath your jaw where they continue to wander. It doesn’t feel wrong, even though he knows you’d beg to differ. He’s done this before, in a life you don’t remember. Touch you like this. Feeling the dip between your breasts and the skin of your stomach. He pats your hands, still bound together with a zip tie — he tells himself he’ll remove them once you start behaving — before caressing your thighs. He wants to slip upwards, to brush his thumb against your clit just like how he knows you like it, but he refrains. He’ll wait until you wake up to do that. Your gasps are always sweeter when you’re aware. 
The sweet bliss of numb eternity melts away as the drugs begin to wear off, and when your eyes flutter open you’re met with the face of a stranger. Truly, he’s not a stranger at all. Or, at least that’s what John would have you believe with the knowing smile he gives you. Your bound hands move up and press against his chest, desperately attempting to earn some space between the two of you. This only makes him laugh, and his hand rests on top of yours. 
“Easy, darling,” he soothes.
An incoherent response stumbles out from your lips just as fearful tears swell in your eyes. His hand pants yours against his chest before he frowns. The gemstone on your wedding ring stands out like a sore thumb against his palm, and it serves as a stark reminder as to why he had to do all this in the first place. You don’t — or can’t — fight against him as he slips the ring off your finger and places it on the nightstand next to him. He’ll dispose of it properly another time, but for now he just can’t stand to see that proof of ownership on you. 
“Please.” It’s the first word you’re able to slur out, and John hangs onto the syllable like it’s dessert. “W-Whatever you want… please… my husband, h-he’ll give it to you just… let me go, please.” 
Husband. He hates that word on your lips when it’s not in reference to him. 
“I’ve already gotten what I want, love,” he whispers. 
Your eyes wrench shut and tears fall free at the realization that there’s nothing you can do to get away from this crazed man. He shushes you as he holds your face in his hands and presses his lips against your forehead. It’s not enjoyable, the way you recoil from him, but giving you the same love he’s given you in every other life feels right. It feels more wrong to withhold it from you. 
Because this is his right, isn’t it? Of course it is, and in some sort of way, you seem to know this too. Your hands no longer press against his chest in disdain, and it’s all too easy to prop himself up on his elbow and press his lips against yours. The pressure is firm, as if he’s holding himself back from taking more from you. He groans at the taste of salt on your lips, and nearly chuckles at the way you tremble. It’s a one-sided embrace that you refuse to return, but he tells himself you’ll learn otherwise soon enough. 
When John pulls away, your eyes refuse to focus on him as the shame eats you from the inside out. Your entire body is limp, bound hands resting against your stomach as he sits up. Deciding you’ve been behaving well enough, he reaches for the knife on the nightstand and he turns back to you, ready to cut the ties from your wrists. 
The very moment the glint of the knife catches your eye is the moment you begin to squirm. Legs thrash and mess up the sheets as you scramble away from him until your head and back is pressed against the headboard. Your chest heaves violently as your terror overtakes you, and John pauses as you retreat. He’s never seen you look at him like that; not in any life he’s ever lived.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he promises. 
“Please don’t,” you beg, his assurance falling on deaf ears. Your pleas turn into mindless stuttering for a moment before something visibly breaks in you, forcing you to share a secret that feels like sealing your death: “Please, you can’t just- I- I’m pregnant! Please!” 
Everything stops. The world. His heart. It all falls quiet except for the sound of your hyperventilating which is almost as deafening as the ringing in his ears. Pregnant. Anything kind in John’s eyes dies quietly as he clenches the knife in his hand. 
Pregnant. Not with his child. It must be a lie — it has to be a lie. You don’t look pregnant. There is no swelling of your stomach. Yet your hands lie on your lower abdomen as if you’re cradling something. Cradling someone. You have never been good at lying in any of your lives, and the candor sheen in your eyes tells him you’re not good at lying in this one, either. 
John tells himself he only wants to embrace you. To mourn the life the two of you could have had if you only behaved. He doesn’t register why you’re screaming until the blood covers his hands, and then you fall quiet. His knife sinks into your stomach like it’s butter, and it pulls free from you even easier. You stare up at him, confused. As if you can’t comprehend why he would do this to you.
Ichor flows free from you like a river, and all you can do is gasp and paw at your wound. Your legs flail as John pulls you against his chest, chin resting on top of your head as if this is something he can soothe away with a hug. It’s not. He can’t soothe away your betrayal. Can’t come to terms with the fact you carry another man’s child when you should be carrying his. 
“I know,” he shushes with a strained voice. “I know. It’ll be over soon.” 
Your death is not kind, and he mourns every minute you bleed in his arms until you eventually still. It’s only when your blood goes cold that he allows himself to cry. Angry, hot tears that sear his skin as they soak into your hair. Damn this ruined life. Damn the years he wasted trying to find you only for you to be soiled by the time you were in his grasp. He hates the gore that stains your being, but he assures himself it was necessary. 
In every life, you belong to him. In the lives that you don’t, you’re already dead. 
John carefully places your body back on the mattress where he takes in the sight of you. There’s no more glow to your skin, not like there was while you were alive. But you’re dead, and he knows the life inside of you is dead, too. He tries to take comfort in that fact before angling the knife towards himself. 
Killing himself is easier than killing you, as driving the knife into his throat is a well practiced motion. It’s something he’s done before, and he’s so used to it he doesn’t even groan at the sting as the blade slices his artery. Darkness is quick to cloud his vision as the blood loss overwhelms him, and he sputters and stares down at your cold body below. There is little comfort he feels when his blood meets yours on the stained sheets of the bed he wished to love you on. The mixing of blood is the only bond the two of you will ever have in that life. 
He coughs as he falls forward. Soon, he has no use for any sort of comfort at all. 
There is no blood in your next life. No iron taste in your mouth, or rotten flesh haunting your nose. No, there is only ink, paper, and well loved books. 
You love your job. Books are your livelihood; the tool you use to escape reality on rainy days, so it only makes sense that in this life you work as a librarian. The building is dated with poorly insulated windows, and a bell that chimes as another patron enters, but that’s what makes it charming. Millions of words have been consumed in that library, and they linger in a way that never leaves you feeling alone. 
Several books sit tucked safely in your arms as you wander aisles, on the hunt to return them home. Every shelf is well memorized. You could find any book in that building blind folded, and you hum to yourself as you go to return Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself to its rightful home on the top shelf of the WXYZ aisle. 
Your feet are nimble as you climb the step stool to reach the shelf. It nearly reaches the ceiling, which is no small feat for a building of that size. Your arm stretches over your head and you breathe in the scent of stale paper and well loved books. Just as your fingers slide the item into place, the stool below you jerks, and your stomach drops as you fall to the side. 
The books in your arms tumble onto the ground, but you’re saved from that same fate as a pair of arms swoop around you. You squeak as your hands grip the shirt of your savior, and you look up with wild eyes at the man. John Price is younger in this life when he finds you. In his twenties this go around. His face is clean shaven, but his eyes still hold the wisdom of forgotten ages and dead worlds. 
“Terribly sorry, darling,” he apologizes. His grip on you loosens, but he doesn’t quite cut you free just yet. “You alright?” 
“Yes, thank you, I… good save,” is all you can manage through a breathless chuckle. 
There’s an innocence in your eyes that has John smiling at you. His hands are kinder in this life. The angry claws that ended your previous life don’t exist anymore. They do not wield a knife in anger; they only hold you with unbridled adoration. It’s the way things are supposed to be, with you in his arms and looking up at him with that innocent gaze, just the way he likes you. For a moment, John worries that you somehow recognize him when you tilt your head, yet as you bashfully return his smile, he takes comfort in knowing that you don’t remember anything. 
You don’t remember anything at all. 
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kings-highway · 22 hours
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haikyuu airport headcanons bc im in an airport. no particular order. shipping involved.
- Daichi has never missed a flight and somehow everyone manages to make fun of him for this. never forgets to pack anything. always finds his gate on time. "lmao loser," Suga says, missing 2 bags and lost as fuck across the airport. he will not make his flight.
- Hinata and Kageyama navigating an airport is nearly a crisis. They can never agree on the right way to go and especially during layovers will often end up outside of security. The first time they travel with Tsukki + Yama as a group it's like a goddamn miracle because they dont need to rush and everything goes smoothly.
- on that topic, Tsukki and Yamaguchi have travel down to a science. these bitches have checklists and schedules and just get in and out. Tsukki keeps the boarding passes and Yamaguchi counts the bags and they split snacks on the plane and just nail the whole affair
- Noya and Asahi are the most experienced travelers and have been to so many airports and you'd think this makes them good at airports and it does not
- Ushijima has never gotten through security without being searched.
- Oikawa likes airports an unreasonable amount. Bitch thrives in liminal spaces. "Lets go check out which stores are open," he says, as Iwaizumi begs him to let him sit down and nap during their layover
- Kenma has airport anxiety. "We're going to miss our flight. What if our gate changes?" What if there's a delay?" He does not like putting his schedule into the hands of an Airline. Rightfully so, he loses his luggage an obscene amount.
- Kageyama and Hinata fighting and causing a ruckus in the airport and security has to come over to talk to them
- Tendou and Ushijima are generally really prepared and on top of things, but they just seem to have the worst luck. They got stranded at an airport during a layover for like 14 hours and went through every stage of grief. It doesnt help that Ushijima is really practical and good at accepting circumstances ("I'll just sit here and wait") but Tendou is highly emotional ("I'm going to eat the next airline associate that tries to talk to me.")
- Daichi is often seen standing alone in airports. This is because no matter who he's traveling with, he's probably waiting for them to catch up.
- Aran thought he was a good and functional adult until he saw Kita's itinerary for their travel plans and how neurotic he was about making sure everything on time. Kita will pre-measure and weigh all luggage to know exactly whats going on. Looking at airport layouts days before to memorize what needs to be done.
- Atsumu and Osamu have never made a flight on time. The best they can hope for is sprinting across the airport at full-tilt. This is a common occurance.
- Oikawa makes friends wherever he goes so he doesnt mind long layovers, he'll just sit and chat with whoever is around to pass the time, but one time he did leave with a group to check out a store without saying anything and Iwaizumi was lost for 30 minutes
- Asahi has so much anxiety with airports. Too many people. Too many deadlines. Bad vibes. One time a guy in an airport gave him incorrect directions to a gate and he missed his flight and he has never recovered.
- Kuroo "Yeah we have tons of time" Tetsurou is a menace to airport staff and has never budgeted enough time.
- Tsukki is a master at packing efficiently and this is exclusively due to wanting to avoid others complaining. He can pull basically anything out of his carry-on to prevent whining on a 5 hour flight. Yamaguchi uses him like a vending machine.
- Daichi once got mistaken for an airline worker and ended up with a whole group of people he was helping find their gates
- Bokuto loves traveling and flying. He finds it so fun and exciting. This is probably why Akaashi hates traveling and flying.
- Suga secretly likes layovers because he secretly hates planes and cannot stand sitting still for that long. He always pretends it such a hassle to have to wait but its the best part of the travel day when he gets to buy himself a muffin and bother Daichi for entertainment.
- Ushijima, Daichi, Kenma, and Asahi are all team "No PDA in an Airport!!!!!" whereas Tendou, Suga, Kuroo and Noya are all team "We have 2 hours to kill let me make out with you!!!!"
- Yamaguchi has sooooooo many reward points. Tsukishima doesnt even know what he's doing to get them, he's just a master of good deals and specials.
- Mile High Club Members: Iwaoi, Bokuaka, Ushiten, and Asanoya
- Wannabe Mile High Club Members who cannot convince their boyfriends it'll be okay: Suga
- Wannabe Mile High Club Members that will NOT admit they think about it: Yamaguchi, Hinata, Kageyama, Aran
... well im boarding soon so thanks for reading ig
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Real talk
Im sooooo tired of Vox always being portrayed as the victim and Alastor the only one 100% responsible for their friendship falling apart
Did we all suddenly forgot that Vox is a terrible person too? He brainwashes his audience, he supports Val, he is willing to offer his lowest employees for Val to kill, he's also prob abusive to his employees as well, he stalks pretty much everyone, he has like 5 cameras inside Angel's dressing room, also it's like implied he's jealous of Angel because he gets Val's attention, him being jealous of Angel for being a victim of abuse is pretty messed up if you ask me. Oh he also told Sir Pentious to fucking kill himself and he also gets hard of seeing people in pain and get hurt! (Sure it was Alastor but still messed up)
" he looks so sad at the end of stayed gone when Alastor threatens him I feel so bad for him:(("
Really ? Well maybe if he had just kept his little hate boner for Al to himself instead of feeling to need to start publicly slandering him it wouldn't had happened. Just saying. Also I don't see how people feel bad for him. If anything he looks so extremely pathetic it's laughable I want to kick him
Okay this is kinda out of the point I want to make it's just many people who make him the victim seem to forget he's a terrible person so I just wanted to friendly remind everyone that he's as awful as Al ^^
Anyway
I think, we should acknowledge, that it's a complicated, and probably tragic, situation. What if, maybe, they're both as equal at fault for shit going down hills for their friendship. Vox because he doesn't respect others wishes and cannot take no for an answer, he prob tried forcing Al to move on with recent technology, which Al hates. ((His request to Al to join the Vees also prob meant catching up with the nowdays stuff and new technology, like the rest of them)) and Al because he was prob unnecessary cruel and brutal with his rejection.
I don't think Al was just using Vox like I've seen many people say. He allowed Vox to take a picture of them together. For Al to do that I think it confirms their friendship was genuine. "Ah but it's Alastor so that means it was fake cuz he's an evil manipulative bastard who only cares for him-" You're wrong, but also right lol. He's an evil manipulative bastard, but , he's also capable of genuine friendships with others (( did y'all forget Rosie lol? )). What I think happened is that, time passed , things changed. Vox became obsessed with new technology and tried to force Al to follow in, Al didn't like that, but instead of communicating with eachother and solving their problems by talking it out and respect eachother's wishes, they had an unnecessary argument and fight. They're both to blame for this, they're no victims in the situation and it's okay you can still sympathise with eithers side
Also people who make Al the villain for like not returning Vox's confession and feelings in most One sided Radiostatic videos/fics I've seen-- yikes.. I really hate that I have to literally say to PLEASE don't villiantise the aroace character for being aroace and rejecting confessions. It's extremely ace/arophonic (and yes I get to have a say to this, I'm a replused aroace videos/fics like this genuinely make me feel negative emotions) even if he was extremely cruel with his rejection -- villiantise the fact that he's an asshole- not his rejection.
yes I agree!! this is essentially a consolidation of points I've made before ksdlfglg
like yes, alastor's an absolute shithead but I think there are some people who forget that vox is also... not a good person. I don't think there's anything wrong with there being sympathetic aspects to vox but I feel like there's such a huge amount of fanwork where he's the only one portrayed sympathetically without showing his own bad points in their relationship, and I absolutely hate it when alastor is fully blamed for how vox is now and vox is seen as
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yeah
vox got pissy at a rejection, that's not being able to take no for an answer, that's incel behaviour LMAO
feel like there's something to be said about people feeling the need to sympathise with the one with unrequited feelings compared to the one who has to deal with someone expecting romance from them when they don't feel the same. does it have to do with society's expectations about romance that unrequited feelings are more sympathisable?
but yeah I am glad that at least the "complicated" part of the description of their relationship implies to me it won't be as simple as "vox was the poor victim and alastor was just using him", I think it is much more interesting if there's no clear victim and both were at fault in a way
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What's your evidence for Watts and Murdoch being autistic? (I totally agree btw)
Hello, internet stranger. Buckle up cause I've thought too hard about this.
Ok disclaimer I have not really sat down and watched the whole thing for a hot minute. Its past nine, you're just gonna have to trust me this one.
Credentials: Mega autisitc
Murdoch:
Does not understand social conventions. Like this ones pretty obvious. He doesn't understand why people keep dogs. Raises his kid in a completely non traditional way. Frequently doesn't get why people care about something that he sees as not being worth it (sports and popular trends and so forth).
Doesn't like small talk
Cares about justice NOT the law. The thing that really makes me think he's autistic is that he cares about things being just and is prepared to break the rules to do so. The main example being he lets that woman out of prison depsite the fact that he could go down for it. He turns a blind eye to Watts and lets Giles go even though they're both criminals in the eyes of the law. And on the flipside he sends George to prison because I think that's what he percieves as justice (if anyone's seen the bridge this really reminds me of Saga at the end of season 2)
Sees through hierarchy. There are so many epsiodes that play out like "I think Mr X is the killer." "But Mr x is extrememly important and influential!" "I don't care he killed her."
Interest in science and inventing. Look I know we joke about stereotypes but like, its a stereotype for a reason. He builds things with an autistic brain. He uses pattern repition through learning about previous inventions and applying them to his own devices.
Visual learner. This is not autism exclusive but he solves cases in such a unique way that it screams ND to me. Murdoch often literally builds a case. They make a joke about clue/cludo but he literally has to make the model of a house to picture where everyone is. He makes all those model of the ladies that were covered in metal. And let us not forget his famous chalk board.
Buzzkill. I say this as a long-term sufferer of leaves parties at 8:45 syndrome. He does 'boring hobbies' which autistic people often have because we don't feel the need to take up traditional ones.
Remember that scene where he attempts to read out his and Julia's book and just absolutely cannot tell that no one gives a single toss about anything he's saying.
Wears the same thing for nearly 20 years. If it ain't broke don't fix it.
Refused to let his wife cut his hair because he didn't want to change from the lady who used to do it.
breather. Part 2: watts.
Cannot read social cues: Frequently insults other station house four people. Pretty sure he called someone's baby ugly but I might have hallucinated that. "You're face is symetrical." Got chucked out of station house because he didn't get on with any of them
Disregard for societal norms: doesn't feel the need to be polite or tactful with anyone or to really follow police protocol. Acts very 'improper' a lot of the time. Only got one shoe shined that one time because that was all he needed. Puts his feet on the sofa, lies on the desk and leans over tables.
Makes limited eye contact.
The man will fidget with anything: Look this is clearly a character decision from Daniel Maslany but its an autistic character decision if ever I saw one. We're talking pencils, cups, fabric, anything. If it is on the set, he will find a way to play with out. And I don't normally like to assign autistic traits onto behaviour implemented by actors but it's basically stimming at this point. I dare you to keep an eye on this man's hands for any scene and I garuntee you they will not stay still.
Disorganised, but not: He always has tiny bits of paper and whatnot in his pockets but always seems to know where everything is. organised but doesn't have to time to be tidy. Same whenever we see his flat, it's equally disorganised. as an autistic person I find things end up all over the place because I don't have the capacity to keep them in order.
Bad handwriting and can't spell
Physicality: Most autistic people will have some sort of problem with co-ordination. He walks uneavenly. He has an odd posture. I always think about that scene where he steps in sick and moves around like a dear on ice. He's clumsy, can't sit straight and has a strange posture.
can't think when being interrupted
can't focus on two things at once.
George realised he'd been possessed by aliens because he was acting normally.
pretzels: dare i say safe food. If not, they're bland, usually the same everytime and take little mental effort to consume.
Strong sense of justic: see william murdoch.
SPECIAL MENTIONS:
Dr Emily Grace: didn't become a doctor becuase she didn't want to adopt a 'cheerful bedside manor.'
Dr Julia Ogden: Married to Murdoch (like calls to like) and sees through the bullshit of victorian society.
Susannah Murdoch: has those two as parents and I have the full confidence of genetics on this one.
In conclusion:
There's probably so much more I could talk about that I just don't remember because there is a lot more of this show than most others. But anyway. Murdoch is autistic because he has to be for the show to work and becuase he often comedic-foils far too close to the sun. And Watts is autistic because there is no way on God's green earth a man who stands like that is neurotypical.
Thank you, internet stranger, I am here all week.
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umbra-mayhem · 17 hours
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ADHD!John "Soap" MacTavish
To accompany my ocd!Ghost, here's an adhd!Soap cause I also have adhd and must make these stupid made-up military men suffer like me.
(tw for skin picking and accidental SH)
He has a particular place for everything he owns and will not place something down unless it is in one of those designated spots. Because otherwise, he'll place something down and completely forget where it is. He also labels everything he owns with his initials so that even if he misplaces something, it can be returned to him (This is something his mother used to do for him when he was a kid. It worked then, so he just kept doing it on his own as he got older).
During briefs/debriefs/meetings, he has to stand in the back of the room because 'dammit Soap, you're moving too much and it's distracting everyone'. He has idle animation (haha get it), typically bouncing on the balls of his feet or swaying back and forth.
He needs to be doing something with his hands at all times, which usually means either fiddling mindlessly with his knife or ripping at the skin on his fingers/lips. Ghost doesn't particularly care for either of these options, as they often accidentally leave Soap bloody one way or another. Once he realizes Soap just needs his hands occupied, Ghost buys him a small pack of fidget toys. Soap becomes obsessed with them (definitely not because a certain Lieutenant gifted them to him, no definitely not).
He talks constantly, saying anything that pops into his head. He doesn't have much of a temper, so that's a good thing at least. But he does sometimes make snarky comments that can get him into a bit of trouble. It seems the only time he is fairly quiet is when he's out on the field.
Really, the field is the only place he can fully concentrate. He hyper focuses on the task at hand, which usually works in the team's favor. Until he can't let something go. Getting Soap to retreat can be a challenge. He wants to see their objective completed, stubborn little git. But overall, the field is where most of his symptoms move to the back burner.
His RSD is rough, though he rarely lets it show. Nobody other than Ghost knows how insecure Soap can get. How he stays up late berating himself over all the ways he thinks he fucked up that day. Soap believes he just needs to work harder. And sure, his RSD can drive him to improve his performance. But often, he is far too hard on himself and a bit too convinced that people are angry with him when they really aren't. (When Ghost realizes this, he makes a conscious effort to remind Soap that he loves him and isn't mad at him.)
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thatguywhofedme · 22 hours
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Ideas for feeders and feedees
I'm sure a lot of us are into feedism / death feedism for the long run, which means that any opportunities to expand our knowledge, live experiences we could have only dreamed of or even find your perfect partner who shares the same set of goals and interests as you do is always on our mind
Which is why I decided to make a small list of ideas for everyone into feedism which I hope would make it easier to find what you are looking for or at least have a starting point
Places you can visit
- Anywhere !!! : this one is pretty vague, but just go outside, get out of your comfort zone and try to do activities you wouldn't normally be doing, I'm sure you'll find opportunities to meet someone new who happens to be into feedism / death feedism
- Walmart : this one is a classic at this point, but it's always a good place to find anyone who could be into feedism just like you and I'm sure you'll find an opportunity to strike up a conversation with anyone with the same particular taste that you have and besides, who doesn't love to see a piggy on a mobility scooter doing a "small" grocery trip, speaking of which
- Grocery store : same thing as Walmart, just go in and find someone who seems to have the same interests as you and would be interested to have a little chat with you
- Pretty much any buffet or restaurant : you have LOOOOOOOTS of choices when it comes to this category of establishment for a fine gourmet such as yourself, you can go the easy route by going to McDonald, KFC or any fast food restaurants near you or your local buffet, if there's one thing all piggies have in common it's eating, LOOOOOADS of eating, especially when it's all you can eat and just a small trick,for the love of god, avoid any restaurant that serves Kale or any healthy food if you want to find a real fatty / enabler
Activities you can do
- Cooking class : no matter where it is, cooking classes are a great opportunity to find someone who 1. Enjoys food and 2. Doesn't care about the fat that keeps piling on their growing bodies, they're everywhere and it'll also teach many skills you can apply in the kitchen, whether it's to fatten yourself up or someone else
- Eating contest / competition : What else is their to say really, you got people who loves to eat lots of food in one sitting as fast or as many as possible while 99% of them don't care about the fat adding up on their figure, which they probably enjoy as well
- county fair : with all the fun activities you can do, especially the food stands on site ready to feed anyone a delicious and fattening piece of food history, your bound to meet someone who also decided to come for the same reason that you did, to find someone who wants to see how much they can stuff in their greedy mouth, with or without your help in one sitting
I know I'm missing a lot of other ideas to try and places / events to visit, but I'm sure you won't be shy to add more in the comments
With all of that said, I hope this list can help all of you with finding new opportunities in the world around you and don't forget, either you're getting fattened up or are the one doing all the fattening, the fatter the better 🐷🩷
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harrysbelovedd · 7 hours
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casual [rafe cameron]
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pairing - rafe cameron x reader
summary - when you hook up with your best friend rafe on a drunken night after a party, you can’t stop thinking about it. but rafe, is doing everything he can to stay casual.
warnings - cursing, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort
Sitting at the island club with the warm sun hitting my face is usually one of my favorite activities in the summer on Figure Eight. But ever since I hooked up with my best friend three days ago, I’ve been dreading this event my parents dragged me to.
I sip quietly on my fruity drink, tuning out the sound of my parents mingling with the other guests. That is until, I hear the unmistakable sound of the Camerons walking in to the club.
My head turns at the sound of Rafe speaking lowly to his father as they walk in. Rafe stands next to Ward, seemingly angry at his father but—when isn’t he. On the other side of Ward is Rose, smiling brightly and saying hello to everyone. Sarah and Wheezie trail behind, Sarah running off to talk to Pope who is working catering with his dad.
Rafe looks over at my family’s table, his jaw softening from the tension his father caused when he sees me. I smile softly at him, waving him over.
What he does next throws me for a loop. Instead of smiling back and coming to sit with me, or drag me away from all this—he completely ignores me. He turns around and goes to sit at the Cameron table.
My heart drops and I swallow my nerves roughly, excusing myself to go to the bathroom. I wander through the club inside, being occasionally stopped by my parent’s friends making small talk and greeting me.
When I finally reach the bathroom I shut the door behind me and look into the mirror, finally allowing the tears to escape my eyes.
I knew we shouldn’t have hooked up. I knew it would ruin everything. Change everything. But the one thing I didn’t think of was that he would blatantly ignore me. We’ve been best friends since we were kids and he’s always protected me, been there for me, cared for me.
And now we hook up one night when we’re both drunk—and he acts like all of that means nothing. Regardless of how he feels about us hooking up, our friendship means something—everything.
I hear a knock at the door and quickly wipe my tears and reach into my purse to fix my makeup. When I open the door, I see Rafe. He smiles almost sympathetically which only makes me more angry.
“Hey, I-“
I scoff, bumping my shoulder into him as I push past him. He follows behind, “Y/n? Can we just talk please?”
“My bad, I figured you didn’t want to after you completely ignored me,” I say sarcastically, walking through the part of the club where no one is occupying.
He grabs onto my wrist, pulling me close to him. I push against his chest, trying to get away but his strength keeps me close. “Let go, Rafe!”
“Will you stop being so fucking immature,” He spits. “I couldn’t talk to you out there with everyone. We needed to be away, that’s why I ignored you.”
“Right,” I respond, my voice sharp as knives as I avoid his eye contact.
He sighs, loosening his grip. “Look, okay. We can’t—“ He presses his lips together, seeming to look for the right words. “We can’t do this. We have to forget about it, okay? It never happened. Just be casual,” He shrugs.
My eyes brim with tears, “Be casual.” I whisper. “Be fucking casual?!” I push hard against his chest.
“Yes, Y/n! This will never work, don’t you realize that? We need to just—just forget about it, okay?! It’s going to ruin our friendship if we don’t.” He explains.
I shake my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. “How am I supposed to be casual when you kissed me like that? The things you said to me that night? We may have been drunk but I remember every second of it. It’s burned into my mind, Rafe. It might be easy for you to forget—“
He scoffs, “You don’t think I remember every touch? Every kiss—everything?! I do, trust me. But this just—it won’t work. And I don’t want to lose you.”
His confession should be comforting, but it just feels like he stabbed me in the heart. I swallow roughly, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “You just did, Rafe.”
I turn around and head straight for the front door. I hop into my car and drive home, never wanting to see Rafe again.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
I stare at my dark ceiling, fighting to sleep after tonight. But the only thing I can think about, is what I’m trying to forget. Rafe.
I close my eyes again, turning to the side and trying to force sleep.
I hear the sound of something at my window, a tapping sound. I get up and slowly walk to the window, peeking out of the curtains.
I see Rafe, leaning against a tree in my front yard as he jumps up, tossing rocks at my window. I sigh, opening the curtains all the way and then the window.
I stick my head out and look down at Rafe. He smiles, dropping the rest of the pebbles in his hand to the ground.
“Can you let me in?” He pleads.
“No.”
He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, um, I’m sorry. I fucked up, Y/n. It’s never been casual with you, and it never will be. You’re the only person on this fucking island I care about. I’d do anything for you, anything to get you back. I-“ He pauses, finding the words to continue. “I love you too much to lose you that easy. I’m just so terrified of hurting you. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. This is all new to me, but I want to try.”
I close the window and pace out of my room, running down the stairs and out the front door. Rafe stands outside, staring at my window in defeat. But when he hears the door open, he smiles, watching me walk toward him.
“So.. what’re you saying, Rafe?” I ask when I stop in front of him.
He steps closer, cradling my face in his palms. “I don’t want to be casual. I want you to be mine. Please, give me another chance. I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you but I’ll spend every day making it up to you.”
A tear rolls down my cheek, his thumb quickly wiping it away. My hands trail around his neck as I stare into his eyes. He means it, every word. I can tell. One of the perks of knowing him so well.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” He smiles.
I nod, and before I could even process it—his lips are on mine. His thumbs rub along my cheeks as he cradles my face, pulling me impossibly close. This kiss is different than the ones we shared when we hooked up. It’s a kiss that feels, infinite. One I know that I’ll be able to share forever, not just one night.
A kiss that is completely un-casual.
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lovelyherruins · 3 days
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omg sometimes I forget team black ARE real people and not just mindless bots.
half the issues in hotd didnt even involve alicent, if anything they already existed before she entered the picture. antis says she should've minded her own business but then not mention Harwin, Larys, and Joffrey.
If Harwin just kept it in his pants instead of becoming the crown princess' side hoe (because that's what he is) then the whole Strong boys and arguements wouldn't have happened.
Do I have to explain Larys??
I brought Joffrey up for one reason and it's this:
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it wasn't necessary but did it cause the riot that happened? no, you know what did tho? Joffrey openly talking about his and Criston's "relationships" with the people getting married. was that necessary for him to do? no it wasn't because it what world WOULD it be needed for some guy to talk to Kingsguard's secret relationship with the princess?
Those three MEN should've minded their business not alicent. when she asked Rhaenyra questions it was her job or her being a friend which leads me to :
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perhaps alicent wasn't but the same thing could be said about Rhaenyra (lying on her mother's grave anyone?? just being over all Brat when Alicent TRIED to fix them??). the thing is they were both in bad situations in which they had little to no control in. Neither can be blamed for how they tried to help themselves or how they acted under pressure as KIDS. people seem to forget that alicent was also a child and always say "she was older in the books!" tell me when you ever picked up that book. the show is clearly different to the books why keep bringing up alicent's age? to justify hating her as a child.
HER PROBLEMS WAS CAUSED BY THE MEN IN HER LIFE!!!!
who forced her to go to the king's chambers and wear her mother's dress? Her dad. Who had the power to NOT marry her but did it anyway? Viserys. Who mistook her (understandable) missing of her father as a reason to kill his father and brother? fucking Larys. Who impregnated her and when she had sons, did nothing to support her or to fix the problems arising with the birth of male heirs? Viserys.
"they were friends not lovers"
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friends not lovers, guys!!
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friends not lovers.
of course it's never openly stated that they were in love but considering that the actors (who know the characters best) said there was an underlying romance between them and it was purposeful... you can't blame others for shipping them because as they said it was THERE.
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while it was a big jump that alicent took with his words, I prefer to see what she did as less of a cunning act and more of an act of desperation. a way to avoid the incoming fighting that'll happen when the word gets out.
I'm not sure if the commenter is blaming the dance on alicent but can we for a second remember that alicent was going against her dad to bring back aegon? the council already had plans to sit aegon at the throne, alicent's misunderstandings did nothing to change that.
if rhaenyra ascending the throne wouldn't have cause a civil war, then Jace ascending it definitely would have because let's not forget being anti-bastard was not a thing Alicent created, everyone was against them.
Team black stans will call themselves feminists and say they support women's rights but when Alicent is shown to them, they scream internalized misogyny and call her a cunt. are you a feminist or do you just like seeing women agree with you and your views? to fit into the mold you made for feminism
alicent is a great example of the oppression of women in any time period and the greatest show of WHY women need feminism, and antis don't even give her grace
they uplift and praise the women who already have power and freedom and put down everyone else who doesn't have those things. that tells me more about their character and beliefs than whatever color they identify as.
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damianbugs · 1 year
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What you mean by" willis todds love for jason is the reason bruce failed him" ?
Sorry ive seen your post and I agree with everything but this just kinda suprise me, not hating, just curiuos
HELLO! so this is a take that is based on pre-new 52 todds, before they were simplified to the one dimensional (and classist) personalities they're known for now. neither of them were shown to be abusive or willfully negligent, but rather found themselves in bad situations out of their control and died, leaving jason to fend for himself.
in the most simplest way what i mean is willis todds self sacrificing actions of turning to crime in order to provide for jason and catherine is the key defining part of jasons life and why he views bruce's love for him as 'not enough'.
(of course, the actual proof of this is like. one single panel and its not even said by jason. however i think it is something that can be found in jasons character through other, less obvious situations.)
in jasons initial (public) return to gotham and that long and convoluted plan to mess around with batman psychology to get the two of them and the joker in the same place, it all seems like a well planned out revenge story until the final conversation:
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Batman: Under the Red Hood
it always stood out to me, not just because of how absolutely heart wrenching the entire moment is (definitely read utrh if you haven't, at least once), but because it really gives you an insight into what love and loving someone means to jason.
to him it's an all encompassing responsibility. this idea that love is something that you need to be able to prove by the quantitive value of what you'll sacrifice for it. in this case, jason is saying i love you" in the way he truly believes gets across how much he means it; i would kill the person who hurt you.
whenever i read this part of utrh, another situation immediately pops into my mind. and that's when jason found out two-face had killed willis todd.
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Batman #411
upon finding out two-face had killed willis, jason goes on a brief grief filled rampage, swearing he'll kill him for what he did. it's important to note that up until now, jason had assumed willis was still in prison, only to find out he was actually murdered.
again, it's this idea that love is the extremes you'll go to for family. jason was well aware of willis' less than legal means to make money, and even bruce makes a mention of it in.
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Batman: A death in the family
i imagine, like a lot of what fuels jason to fight crime now, guilt is a major deciding factor in a lot of his choices. it's this guilt that he feels upon hearing about willis' death that makes him take it out on two-face. it's even guilt that plays a huge factor even in new 52 stories (such as Cheer).
so when he returns to gotham, or even before that, just hearing about what bruce had done following his death (locking the joker up instead of killing him, taking in tim as his robin) were, to him, clear evidence that he did not love jason in any way that mattered. that bruce did not love jason as much as jason loved him.
because loving him means giving up your morals. loving him means sacrificing your health and your time and your safety.
but bruce didn't do any of that in a way jason could see.
i imagine to someone like jason, who lost every parental figure in some capacity, whether it be to illness or crime or something else entirely, the evident disregard for him was as painful as any rejection could have been.
a lot of how jason feels and acts can be seen in much more interesting ways if we all look at him for he is; an unreliable narrator. he is missing huge chunks of story, especially when it comes to bruce, and has no choice but to act irrationally on the little truth he does know.
of course we the readers, and some other characters, know just how hard jasons death was for bruce. how destructively he mourned for his son.
but again, the surface level proof of it is not enough for jason, who's entire life has been love through sacrifice. but now, it's a sacrifice bruce can not ever give him.
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Batman: Under the Red Hood
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At last... The final mount unlock.
Scarlet can have an extra fluffy skyscale, as a treat.
#GW2#Guild Wars 2#Scarlet Briar#i technically unlocked it like 2 days ago#i just kept forgetting to actually announce it HDHFDHGDFH#anyway she gets a lunar mane and there's a story behind it#where the hatchling was a rude little thing that kept nipping its siblings and gorrik could Not figure out what to do about it#and the Commander was zero help and none of Taimi's suggestions were working either#so. he RELUCTANTLY asked Ceara; at that point they don't know each other well yet and she's only Kind Of turned her life around#so she's like. hm. irritable little baby creature. doesn't seem to like its siblings. doesn't respect authority. hm. mood.#she separates it from the other hatchlings and decides to let it take the lead and show her what it wants#she notices it keeps messing with and chewing on its leg. takes a look: it's angry at the tracker (which is why it doesn't like Gorrik)#apparently the critter remembered where he put it and decided it Does Not Like That. so she ignores his protests and removes it#and. it calms down. just like that. it still avoids the other hatchlings and glares at Gorrik occasionally but can be fairly friendly#but the final detail that seals the deal#is that it looks a lot like a minotaur calf when it's young#and one of my many headcanons is that Ceara has a soft spot for minotaurs (hence why her first steam creature is one)#so she decides it's extremely cute and keeps spoiling it with treats#and then. surprise. it keeps Following Her Home#so everyone just kinda decides. yeah that's her problem now.#it's a very soft and fluffy thing but if you're rude it Will take your fingers#anyway. that's all for the lore hours. //scurries away
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Well not exactly a vent but it’s just stuff pertaining to my personal life that only a few mutuals know about sooooooo yeah read the tags first for content warnings
Just talked to a friend from school after a long long time because i wanted to make sure he’s doing okay (he’s Palestinian) and yeah i just talked about how I hope i see him whole and healthy when I come back to school next month, and he said that he hopes I’m better too
And I was like wait what
So yeah idk if you guys know but memory issues are probably my main main problem right now in that they’re actually horrifically bad and I should really see a professional about this as soon as I am financially able to. So I was like okay what if there was something wrong with me last time I was in school
So I asked him what I was like last October and he said that I seemed really stressed/paranoid and that I seemed really on edge (those are his words) and like damn. In that regard yeah I’m doing so so much better now than back then. Which is understandable because England always fucks up my mental health I just didn’t expect it to be that bad in October. What in the world was a stressed about? I had nothing to be stressed about except my medications doing their job. NOW I have about a billion things to be stressed about. And honestly what was I being paranoid about. I have pretty much no memories of last year now which is obviously not ideal because I have exams for fucks sake.
Past me I am sorry for always throwing shade at you, I’m trying to remember that I don’t remember the past and I can’t possibly judge you for things if I don’t remember what you were going through. But I keep forgetting about my memory issues. I’m very sorry and please know I still love you and I know you’ve been doing your best since you turned 15. I’m sorry that I keep doubting you and hating you. I’ll try to remind myself that I have issues.
Future me here is a promise. I promise that I’ll try to be kind to myself, ALL versions of myself. I’ll try to be kind to myself when I feel lazy and hopeless, and I’ll try to be kind to myself when my thoughts are getting the better of me. I’ll try to be kind to myself as I work on myself and I’ll try to see the progress I’ve made in the past few years. I’ll try to be kind when im struggling and I’ll try to be kind when I’m doing better. I’ll try to remember to not throw shade at any past version of me, because I’ll try to remind myself that I don’t remember most things anymore. I know I keep feeling like I DO remember but I need to accept that I don’t, not just the times when I get proof that I don’t. I need to remember that I do not remember things and to not judge past me anymore. Im sorry past me. And I promise future me. See you both
#okay yeah it’s a vent sorta#vent#rant#tw vent#tw rant#it’s not that long tho#cw paranoia#cw England mention#cw mental health#cw memory issues#cw current events#meep meeeeeeeeeeeep#as a side note I know that a lot of the time I’m grateful for my memory issues because then I can also forget bad things#and stressful problems and whatnot. but there seem to be a lot of downsides too.#i forget important things. i still haven’t sorted out my voter id which I was supposed to do in the past couple of months#i forget to drink water? but I think everyone has that#idk I can’t remember what I forget right now#yeah one of the worst things about the memory issues is the paradox of not knowing what I forget because I’ve obviously forgotten it#and a lot of the time I get the feeling that I’m forgetting something but the problem with that now is#maybe I have that feeling almost constantly these days because I’ve started just ignoring it#before this recent downgrade of my memory those feelings that im forgetting something were my greatest superpower#I’d be like okay. my brain is telling me im forgetting something. and then I’d sit and think for a while until I remembered.#but now I just straight up ignore the feeling because I have it all the damn time.#which is not good? i think?#like yeah the issues keep me stressfree most of the time but it’s still so horribly inconvenient#what if im travelling on a plane and I forget where I put my passport and boarding pass#that would be disastrous#it’s scary sometimes#the knowledge that I have memory issues but no knowledge of what I can do about it to make sure I stay safe#it’s a weird and paradoxical existence with having memory issues if im honest
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alteredsilicone · 2 months
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I like to imagine Albrecht was actually a turbo-asshole before the Void accident, and by that I mean he would get into physical altercations at symposiums.
He had serious ego issues, though some of his frustration were legit: yes, the scientific community is in shambles and letting some Orokin metaphorically huff his own farts for 20 minutes with some esoteric philosophy on the violence of literature reviews is annoying, but that is not an excuse to start swinging during the panel discussion.
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izzy-b-hands · 9 months
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I really wish blocking someone meant their stuff wouldn’t wind up on your dash at all. Like I understand why it doesn’t, but. still.
Actually, I just need to get better abt checking source urls before I reblog. I try to be mindful, but now and again I Forget and have only myself to blame lmao
#text post#I would love to reblog their art and be supportive in that way at least but tbh#every time I accidentally reblog it I remember checking out their blog and seeing how they talked abt fans that like Izzy and the izcourse#and it's like oh no that's right you hate ppl like me and ur art might be gorg but maybe we just shouldn't interact#they do their thing and I'll be over here doing mine#what really needs to happen is I need to remember to check urls on fandom art to make sure it isn't any of the folks I had to block lmao#but sometimes I get excited bc the art is genuinely lovely and i do like it and think the person is v talented!#and then i forget to check and it's only after scrolling my dash that i see my reblog and the url and go 'oh. fuck. that's right. damnit.'#it's a weird feeling to be like yes I want this person to have fun and make gorgeous art but also it seems#they've made it p clear how they feel abt folks like me and so maybe they would prefer i just fuck off#which i tried to do by blocking!! and yet. here we are#i delete the reblogs whenever this happens so they don't have me in their notes but#i do hope they know their art is lovely and I appreciate their hard work even if we wouldn't otherwise get along with each other#idek why I'm blogging abt this I guess bc I feel like usually it's either or online? like u either hate each other or u don't#but I don't hate the folks who sent shit to me or the folks who condoned it i just wish i had found a way to get along with them instead#as useless a wish as that probably is#and i don't talk abt it a lot but it really bugs the fuck outta me sometimes that we can't just start over and try to interact generally#no messages no trying to be friends just reblog from them if u like and otherwise ignore each other#which has been a thing that's worked fairly okay in other fandoms tho things have happened in others to change how workable it was#but for some reason in this one i feel like im just always walking on eggshells to interact w/anyone bc it feels like everyone is waiting#for someone else to say something they vaguely disagree with and instead of just like. blocking and moving on w/the fandom experience#it turns into a massive mess that even if ur on the fringes of it all you still get pulled into or sent shit and just.#idk it doesn't matter bc ultimately none of this does but dang it the show has been special to me and hits all my special interests#and it's hard to let go and accept that there's no changing how things went and how they are and how this fandom experience for me is often#very fucking lonely even when i'm bursting at the seams to share and to hear from others what they think abt anything and everything w/it#no one is gonna read this tag essay lmao pls scroll on
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animefansession · 2 years
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everytime someone talks about the rehabilitation hawks offered twice... like it was actually a good thing
...
...
...
bitch it wasn't
the whole problem here is how society works, there's an understanding of what is normal and whatever doesn't fit in that box doesn't have a place there. And surprise surprise twice is one of the ones who DOES NOT FIT. So sure put him in some kind of program which won't never care about him and who he is. How could that not work out.
Also it kind of feels like an empty promise. The hero commission, the one which has child soldiers murdering for them let me remind you, helping someone like twice? why would they. I don't believe that for a second.
so yeah
OF COURSE twice could've never accepted. I wouldn't have either.
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holydramon · 2 months
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finished magia record and it sure was. an anime.
#it was ok. have some grievances but whatever.#honestly I saw someone say that the last 4 episodes were really bad but honestly?? i think they were fine. i think I had more fun watching#them compared to some of the other episodes. really don’t understand where that person was coming from.#like I guess you could argue it could have all been built up to better but like. that describes the whole show lol.#honestly biggest grievance is outside of gripes about how they seemed to have trouble devoting time to characters is just. that they somehow#managed to mess with the main pmmm lore. like HOW do even manage to do that the holy quintet isn’t even a huge part of this show.#but yeah they had glasses and braids homura think about the loop where she killed Madoka which??? HUH???#no it was after that loop that she snapped and completely dedicated herself to her goal. the loop right after is when she takes out her#braids and fixes her eyesight and shifts from trying to beat walpugisnacht with everyone to trying to prevent Madoka from contracting. hell#I’d argue that’s also the loop where after it happened she stopped being so concerned about saving EVERYONE.#i mean. the loop where she killed Madoka is also the one where Mami tries to pull the murder suicide thing (which I honestly forget myself#sometimes lol).#but yeah just. that loop was the final straw. it’s the loop where she promises Madoka to save her. it’s the loop where she learns she can’t#rely on anyone. why does glasses and braids homura remember it??? it shouldn’t have happened yet???#sorry lol i am just. passionate.#dramon thoughts
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2000snotebook · 3 months
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Ace HSS hurts me because it's so obvious he bases his self-worth on what he means to others and what he can do for them. Do you know what character that reminds me of.
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