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flipchild · 8 months

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Girls Captions

145+ Best Instagram Quotes For Girls 2023

Leave a Comment / Caption For Girls / By Paul Chrish

Yeah, all the girls out there. Are you searching for Instagram quotes for girls and landed on this blog post? If so, you’re in the right spot. This is where we post 145 + Instagram quotes for girls.

That is just what you wanted to say if you got your shot. Now just a simple act of writing quotes for an Instagram. From the given list take our Instagram quotes for girls.

Table of Contents

Instagram Quotes For Girls

Best Instagram Quotes For Girls

Instagram Bio Quotes For Girls

Good Instagram Quotes For Girls

Instagram Quotes and Captions For Girl

Cool Instagram Quotes For Girls

Instagram Quotes For Girls

Let Them See You Smile And Burn.

If I Wanted To Hear From An Idiot, I Would’ve Watched Sarah Palin Videos.

The Easy And Hard Only A Matter Before Achieving One Thing.

Make Life Fun, Tomorrow Isn’t Guaranteed.

A Smile Is A Curve That Sets Everything Straight.

I Know My Heart Is Weak, But My Soul Is Brave.

I Am A Very Private Person, You Don’t Ask, I Don’t Tell.

Note To Self – I’m Going To Make You So Proud.

The Happiest Moment Ever.

I Smile Like An Idiot When I Think About You.

My Heels Are Higher Than Most People’s Standards.

Best Memories Are Made Of These.

I Feel Like I Can Conquer The World.

Life Isn’t Perfect. But My Hair Is!

Move Your Face I Don’t Want My Day Will Go Bad.

I Look Down Only To See My Shoes.

One Day I’ll Be At The Place I Always Wanted To Be.

Missing You Is My Hobby, Caring For You Is My Job, Making You Happy Is The Duty And Loving You Is My Life.

My Circle Is Small Because I Am Into Quality, Not Quantity.

Your Priorities Decides Your Attitude!!

An Extra Ordinary Day With My Friends.

When Life Gives You Curves, Flaunt Them.

Nothing Is Impossible To Achieve.

Let’s Celebrate With A Toast And Get Lost In Tonight.

I Usually Play Video Games, Because, I Don’t Like To Play With Feelings.

I Love You More Than Chocolate.

My Ex-boyfriend “stress” Always Miss Me.

We’re All Born A Little Crazy; Some Of Us Just Choose To Stay That Way.

My Style And My Attitude Always Change.

I Have No Right To Say A Thing Wrong About My Selfies.

Best Instagram Quotes For Girls

So, you got the best shot. Now just one easy act of writing a girl’s best Instagram quotes. Take our best Instagram quotes for girls so you can share your best pictures anytime you want to caption your Instagram posts. We’ve got some girls best Instagram quotes to show your images from short to long captions.

The World Is Full Of Nice People. If You Can’t Find One, Be One.

Just Like The Alphabet, Bitch, I Come Before U.

Gravity Can’t Forget To Pull Me Back To The Ground Again.

Admiring Someone Else’s Beauty Makes You Beautiful.

Love When My Bae Hugs Me Like This.

I Rolled My Eyes Up So Hard I Have Become Mad-eye Moody.

Beautiful Girl, You Were Made To Do Hard Things. So Believe In Yourself.

The Mind-blowing Picture Comes With A Crazy Idea.

Beautiful Girls Have A Strong Sense Of Confidence.

Looking Beautiful Is An Art And I Am A Master In It.

Little Girl With Dreams Become A Woman With Vision.

The Most Beautiful Curve On A Woman’s Body Is Her Smile.

She Is Clothed In Strength And Dignity, And She Laughs Without Fear Of The Future.

Nothing Can Dim The Light That Shines From Within.

Girl Chasing Her Dreams Have The Spark Of Her Own.

My Hobby Is My Job. It’s A Jobby!

Have The Courage To Be One Of A Kind.

Who Said I Was An Angel?

Be The Girl With Not Just Beauty, But Also Swag.

Don’t Be Like The Rest Of Them, Darling.

We’re Happy, Free, Confused, And Lonely At The Same Time.

Instagram Bio Quotes For Girls

Dear Parents Before Fixing Yours Daughter Marriage

Move On. Someone Better Is Waiting For You.

I Am Bermuda Triangle. One’s Stuff Goes In It Never Comes Out.

Ask Your Daughter May Be She Also Have Dream About Future.

Every Girl May Not Be Quuen To Her Husband But She Is Always A Princess To Her Father

A Girls And Her Bed On Sunday Is An Endless Love Affair.

A Smile Creates The Best Confusion In The People.

Don’t Blame People For Disappointing You, Blame Yourself For Expecting Too Much From Them.

Be You Be Gorgeous Don’t Let Anyone’s Comment To Dim Your Sparkle At The End You Are The One And Only Star Of Your Life.

Boys Fall For Because I Make Them High.

If A Man Excepts A Women To Be Angel In His Life He Must First Create Heaven For Her.angels Don’t Live In Hell

Don’t Let Someone Dim Your Light, Simply Because It’s Shining In Their Eyes.

I Lost My Smile.

The More You Hide Your Feelings For Someone, The More You Fall For Them.

I Am A Magnet Of Strong Attraction.

It’s Better To Arrive In Style Than Early.

If Pain Makes You Stronger Then I Should Be The Worlds Strongest Woman.

Good Instagram Quotes For Girls

Want any good quotes for girls on Instagram? It is then exactly where you need to be. Don’t go out and look up good Instagram quotes for girls here and there. Here’s a amazing list of quotes for girls with good Instagram quotes. See our list of girls Quotes that have good Instagram quotes.

Good Instagram Quotes For Girls

We Hope You Will Get The Good Instagram Quotes For Girls And Won’t Be Disappointed By Our Sharing.

Slay Them With Sweetness.

You Don’t Walk Into Love, You Fail In. That’s Why It’s So Hard To Get Out.

Burn Them With Your Makeup.

I Am Always Been Afraid Of Losing The People I Love, But Then, Sometimes I Wonder If There Anyone Out There Afraid Of Losing Me.

Don’t Depend Too Much On Anyone, Everyone Changes When They Meet New People.

You Are Cute, Can I Keep You..??

I Am A Girl With A Milky Smile And Silky Hair.

Some Kisses Are Given With Eyes.

You Have No Idea How Fast My Heart Races When I See You.

Boots Make Me Cool. Heels Make Me High.

A Bad Day Is Turned Into A Good Day By Your Attitude.

Yes, You’re On My Mind Right Now. And Yeah, I Can’t Help It.

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want To Come.

I Could Spend Hours Looking At You And Your Smile.

It’s The Little Things You Do That Makes Me So Crazily Attracted To You.

I Just Wanna Spend The Rest Of My Life Laughing.

I Am A Classy Girl With A Sassy Attitude.

Instagram Quotes and Captions For Girl

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade.

Mature Women Prefer Truth Over Lies.

He Has Got My Back And I Got Him, Always.

You Are My Hero – She Said Looking In The Mirror.

Life Is Not Perfect But Every Second With You Is.

Hard To Express My Feeling With You No Words Cannot Describe.

Regret The Regret.

Promise Me To Never Promise Me.

Your Hair Is 90% Of Your Selfie.

Friends Are The Most Important Ingredient In The Recipe Called Life.

I Graduated From The University Of Selfies.

Worry Less Smile More.

Captions For Selfies… Nahhh… I Don’t Need It.

In My Friend, I Find A Second Self.

Be Brave And Let The World See Your Sparkle.

One Of The Best Things In Life Is A Good Friend!

Sea You In The Morning

Spread The Smiles And Capture The Emotions.

Don’t Find Fault, Find A Remedy.

Spreading Wings Is The First Step To Fly.

Life Is Short Wear Cute Shoes.

Cool Instagram Quotes For Girls

A Confident Woman Smiles And Has An Air Of Comfort, Comfort, And Kindness.

A Rule That All Girls Should Live: Just Because It’s Beautiful Does Not Mean You’re Not.

Standards Are Not Meant For Ordinary Girls.

Although It Is Small, It Is Fierce.

She Was A Girl Who Could Be Happy Even When She Was Sad. And This Is Important, You Know.

Adorn With Modest.

When I Die My Gravestone Is Going To Have A ‘like’ Button.

Warning!!! I Am A Heart Breaker And Soul Taker.

It Takes Strong Women To Face The Truth, But It Takes Stronger Women To Speak The Truth.

She Loves Herself Before Loving Someone Else.

She Is Obsessed With The World She Imagines.

I Am An Angel, But Very Dangerous When Turned Into A Witch.

Once A Queen, Always A Queen.

Glasses Are Tools To Increase Girls Beauty.

When There’s Nothing Better To Do, It’s Just Pouting And Pouting Because Being Lame Is My Game

Thunders In My Eyes Wonders In My Smile.

The Spark Will Light.

A Girl Never Says Anything About Boys. He Should Understand Own.

It Is Far From Healthy, But It Is The Right Crazy One, The Class To Which You Are Addicted.

Instagram Quotes For Girls

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herbounty · 5 years

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❛ if you`re going to kill me , at least wait until i look good . i can`t go down looking like ass . ❜ ／ @prrowess

#prrowess #( 𝗜𝗡 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥 ) ; how do you like my guns ?#starter.*#yeah. sarah's a woman who's got her priorities straight #jfc ... this woman looks at death like it's a date sometimes. i swear.

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xxdragonwriterxx · 3 years

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🔥You Are Human, And Damn It, You Are An Important One!🔥

A/N: Hey everyone! I’m back! It looks like my tags finally decided to sort themselves out so I wanted to (finally) post a new story! I’m still working on requests though, so don’t worry, those are coming soon! I just wanted to post this in the mean time while I edit those and test if my tags are really fixed on one of my originals so that any requested fics will actually be seen later should an error occur. Thank you so much for your continued support and patience, you guys are so amazing! I hope this makes up for my temporary hiatus! This one actually has a bit of a heavier tone to it but I think I’m finally happy with it! Thanks again for the support, and don’t be afraid to talk to me! Shoot me a message or just spew random bullshit and I’ll still respond 😂. Enjoy!

(Warning: themes of non-con & abuse. This is set in a brothel, but there’s nothing explicit, it’s just mentioned or implied. Just wanted to put it out there! Viewer discretion advised!)

🐉Song Recommendation: “The Gardener” By: Sarah Sparks 🐉

Word Count: ~7k

~~~

It was that time of year. The time of year that Levi hated the most. The Underground Market Festival. It was the time of year in which merchants from all around would come down to the Underground City, away from the prying eyes of the Military Police, and sell anything and everything to the nobles who weren’t exactly looking for orthodox materials. The normally filthy, mostly empty streets would be filled with members of the wealthy, dripping in jewelry, cash, and lavish clothing as they paraded around the sorry excuse for a city, boasting of their wealth and privilege as they bought enough food and luxurious goods to feed three times the number of people in the Underground while sharing none of it.

The days were starting to blur together. Levi honestly couldn’t tell if it had been a day, a week, or a month as the drugs in his system continued to work just like the brothel owners wanted them to, rendering him practically inoperative and perfect for use. His head pounded, swimming with confused thoughts. His gaze was unfocused, warped, and his whole body felt suffocatingly hot despite his lack of cover, his legs shifting as his body instinctively searched for a relief he didn’t even want. But that was exactly how they wanted him.

The sound of his door being unlocked made him look up slowly, his eyes taking a few seconds to fully focus on the man standing in the entrance of his room, a wide, malicious grin on his face. Levi couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in disgust. The man smelled of sweat and stale alcohol, and his unkempt appearance made Levi itch, even when drugged out of his mind.

“Oh, Levi…” the man cooed, making Levi shudder. “I have another customer for you.”

Even though Levi had been through this time and time again, even though he had been trapped in his filthy room since he was caught stealing from a merchant friend of the brothel owner at age twenty, even though the drugs in his system were making his body scream for what this new customer could give him, he still couldn’t help the wave of dread that washed through him, the fear. Levi didn’t fear much, having grown up on the streets of the Underground alone since he was abandoned by Kenny at the age of ten, but this? This he was scared of.

He thought back to the wretched old man that had abandoned him as a small child and wondered what he would think of him now. Would he be disgusted? Unsurprised? Angry? Not that it mattered. Levi knew he would never see him again. But even so, his brain couldn’t help itself from going down those roads, asking questions of “what if?” no matter how many times he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. He was just some bastard thug turned whore in the Underground. Nobody was going to even remember him, let alone care about who he was or who he may be in the future.

Levi was once again brought out of his daze when the pig in the doorway moved to the side, letting a noble woman saunter into the room. She had a wicked grin on her face as she approached him, ignoring the brothel owner as he slammed the door shut behind her, giving them some privacy. She was covered in glittering jewelry, and although the dress she wore was extravagant, it was very tight fitting and low cut, barely considered decent, her large breasts one breath away from spilling out over the top. Her hair was pinned up in a lavish braided style, twisting and coiling tightly, and held together with real gold pins that Levi knew must’ve cost a fortune.

“~Well, hello sexy,” the woman purred as she approached the raven-haired man.

Levi had to force himself not to grimace, even with the effect of the drugs, when she slithered her way over his thighs, her hands reaching up to cup his face. The smell of whatever custard perfume she had on was overwhelming, making his eyes water and his throat close up. Her hands felt clammy from all of the lotions and creams she had slathered over her skin to make it look shinier, making them feel like dead fish rubbing against his cheeks.

“Well? Aren’t you going to ask my name?” The woman demanded in a sickly sweet voice, making Levi close his eyes in barely suppressed agony.

“What is your name?” Levi asked in a low voice. He felt the woman preen above him at the sound of his voice, knowing she thought his deep tone was for setting the mood rather than the effect of his despair.

“My name is Lady Clarissa! What’s your name, hmmm?”

“Levi,” He said quietly.

“Oooh, Leevviiii, I like that,” Lady Clarissa practically moaned. “Say, Levi, you were quite expensive. That must mean you're really good at what you do. I can already tell that you fulfill my personal tastes in terms of appearance, so why don’t you convince me of the rest and give me a good time. Don’t make me regret spending my good money on you. Don’t make me punish you.”

Levi gritted his teeth when she ground her hips into him, trying his hardest not to fight back. He knew it would be difficult, the drugs making his movements and mental processes much slower, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was shove her off of him. Swallowing the bile in his throat, Levi reached for her as she leaned down to force her tongue into his mouth.

It was that time of year. The time of year that (Y/N) hated the most. The Underground Market Festival. It took everything in her to avoid groaning in annoyance as the people she was expected to call her friends dragged her down into the filthy Underground City for a day of “fun”. (Y/N) would much rather be back at home, reading a book in the library, or relaxing with the horses in the barn, or secretly practicing her sword fighting skills with the guards of their estate. But her father had forced her to go when her friends had shown up at the house, begging for her to come with them. He claimed she needed to get her priorities straight and actually present herself, show the honor and pride that came with being part of the (L/N) family. (Y/N) thought there was very little honor and pride in parading their wealth around like they owned the world, especially in front of people who constantly struggled to survive on a daily basis.

(Y/N) walked slowly down the worn cobblestone streets, suppressing the urge to gag at the sight of other nobles walking around, looking and acting as if they were rulers of the walls. She barely looked at anything, only stopping to occasionally buy food when she noticed the hungry children hanging around, looking for a scrap to steal. She could tell they were wary of her, but she never stopped trying, always offering them the food in some way, even if it meant leaving it in a secluded space for them to find later.

Her friends constantly tried to get her to engage, running up to her with crystal jewelry, silk clothing, and delectable foods, attempting to entice her, only to get pushed away. (Y/N) wanted no part in any of it. Even her attire spoke volumes about how little she wanted to be there. She knew that to the people of the Underground, the dress she wore would be considered something of utmost value, but when compared to the nobles around her, she looked underdressed and plain. She wore nothing more than a subtle red dress covered with a black leather jacket, paired with black combat boots and matching gloves, no jewelry to be found except for the simple white earrings she wore in her lobes.

Her father had been less than pleased with her appearance, but stopped arguing when she announced she was leaving, the lord just happy she had at least agreed to go to the festival. She knew he was disappointed in her, annoyed that she wasn’t like the other noble ladies who loved to flaunt their luxurious lifestyles and bend to the every whim of the lords around them, looking to marry early for money and power. (Y/N) wouldn’t be surprised if the entire reason her father wanted her here was so she could possibly win over the affections of a single lord milling about, one that was rich and influential. It was for that possibility alone that (Y/N) had originally thought to wear something that made her look underdressed, having to swallow the bile that rose in her throat at the prospect of catching some snobby noble’s attention.

“Yeah, her name is (Y/N)! She’s the one right over there, I think she could use a good time.”

(Y/N)’s head snapped up when she heard her name, her eyes shooting over to where her friends were standing in a group in front of a large building. All of them were looking at her, covering their faces with their hands to hide their giggles. Dread filled her to the brim when she saw the sign in front of the building, her face paling in horror.

“That one, eh? I think we can arrange something like that,” the brothel owner said, a smug smile on his lips as he stared at her, his grin only widening as her cheeks flushed a brilliant red. “Don’t worry, I’ve got one in particular that could give you a good ride. He’s expensive since he’s my most popular, but he’s worth it.”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to argue, her cheeks on fire as her brain fought to think of something, anything to get her out of this situation. She didn’t want to fuck some random stranger for no reason, but she especially didn’t want to have sex in a brothel. She found them vulgar, repulsive, and horrible. The way they treated their “workers” was appalling. Just as the words finally reached the tip of her tongue, one of the girls she had come to the festival with cut off her impending argument.

“Damn, I’m jealous! If he’s that good I’m almost tempted to take him myself. But she needs this. She hasn’t loosened up the entire time we’ve been here and I think this might help. She’ll take him.”

The greasy man smiled and wrote her name down, happily accepting the roll of cash her friend handed him before getting up, supposedly to let the man know that he had another customer on the way. (Y/N) tried to escape when she could, but her friends rushed up and caught her before she could slip into the shadows, dragging her over to the brothel and shoving her towards an open door where the brothel owner stood, a creepy smile still plastered on his face.

“Guys! I don’t want this!” (Y/N) whispered frantically as she was dragged towards her doom.

“It doesn’t matter if you want it or not, you need it!” One of her friends said with a laugh. “Besides, you’re going to have a fun time. Don’t make us regret spending that money for you!”

(Y/N) was practically thrown into the room, stumbling as she fought to catch her balance, before the door was slammed shut behind her, the loud sound of the lock being latched reverberating around the room with the finality of a death toll. Huffing in anger, (Y/N) stood and brushed herself off, smoothing out her dress and straightening back up to her full height, fighting off the panic slithering up her spine.

A low groan of pain coming from behind her made her whirl around in surprise, her eyes landing on a shorter, pale skinned man with stunning silver eyes and raven black hair. Gods he looked pathetic. She could definitely tell he was attractive, it made sense now as to why he was a popular choice, but he looked sickly, his cheeks hollowed out, dark circles under his eyes, and a muscled yet neglected body starting to wear thin from years of hunger and constant overuse. The sight made her want to be sick. How could anybody be cruel enough to force themselves onto this obviously abused man? How could anyone willingly pay money to fuck him rather than help him?

“Um, hello,” (Y/N) said quietly. “W-What’s your name?”

The man raised an eyebrow, not used to the soft, kind, almost shy way she asked for his name. The women and occasional men he dealt with most of the time were demanding, controlling, and sadistic, knowing they paid for a man they could use, and their voices usually projected that. Yet, this woman looked as if she had been forced to do this, further supported by the way she had been nearly thrown into the room by whom he assumed was her friends.

“Levi,” he said quietly, waiting for the usual routine to start, no matter how much his gut twisted in disgust at the thought.

“Hi, Levi, I’m (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)...” Levi murmured softly, training himself to memorize it despite his swimming brain, knowing she would want him to scream it out later. Whether in pain or in pleasure, he wasn’t sure yet.

“Um…” (Y/N) was about to speak, her mind scrambling for something to say when her eye caught sight of a large bruise on his neck. Her eyes widened and suddenly started scanning his entire body, her stomach roiling more and more the longer she stared. Now that she was really paying attention, (Y/N) could see painful bites, hickeys, and splotchy bruises littering his neck, jaw, chest, and thighs. Her eyes narrowed on the long, bloody scratches running down the length of his chest and back, and she noticed blooming red patches of skin all over him that were raw and aching from being slapped hard and rough over and over again.

He was wearing a loose pair of worn boxers as his only cover, and (Y/N) could only imagine what other horrors the thin cloth was hiding. Glancing down, she saw him shift uncomfortably, his boxers tented by his arousal. The sight made her growl in anger, knowing that to keep him going after he had already had so many customers for the day, a drug was being used to make him insatiable, forcing him past the point of pain and probably clouding his judgement and mental process as well. It made her want to go cut up the brothel owner and serve him to a pig.

Without thinking, (Y/N) rushed to him, reaching out to him, only to freeze when he flinched. She heard him curse at the involuntary movement, knowing it was his job to appear as unaffected and sexually appealing as possible, and it made her heart clench even harder, her hatred for this place and the people who ran it increasing tenfold.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) immediately slowed her movements, trying to appear as calm and unhurried as possible. Her gaze softened and glazed with unshed tears when he closed his eyes, his arms reaching out as he prepared for her to sit on his lap and have her way with him like she knew every other man and woman who used him did. Gritting her teeth against the fury she felt, she carefully slid her way across his thighs. She felt him force himself to relax under her as he leaned forward to let her kiss him.

When he felt nothing, and heard something click, Levi cracked open his eyes in curiosity, only to have them fly open all the way when he felt something cool and wet against his neck. Looking down at the woman in his arms, his lips parted in shock, watching in confused awe as she leaned back and soaked a small cloth in some water from a bottle, rinsing the fresh blood from the fabric. Looking to the side, he saw a small first aid kit by her feet, the container open to reveal a variety of medical tools inside.

(Y/N) leaned forward again, raising the towel to his neck to dab at his abrasions, washing them carefully, reverently, almost... lovingly. Levi opened and closed his mouth but no words came out as she continued to work on him, delicately cleaning his jaw and neck before carefully moving on to his chest. Was this some kind of strange ritual she always performed during sex? Did she just find him dirty and want to clean him up before putting her lips or her pussy on his skin? His mind was running a million miles a minute as she worked on him in silence, only pausing when he hissed quietly at the feeling of his gashes being washed.

(Y/N) frowned as she gently swiped the cloth along the red gouges in his skin. They were deep, most likely caused by the long, sharp nail extensions some ladies liked to wear, or the dull blade of a man with violent tendencies. It didn’t surprise her, a lot of the men and women who used people like this did have sadistic qualities, but it didn’t help to quell the now roaring fire in her blood, wanting nothing more than to fight against the injustice of this man.

“W-What are you doing?” Levi finally managed to ask.

“Cleaning your wounds.”

“Why? Is this some kind of-”

“Preparation? No. We aren’t going to do anything. I just want to help your injuries heal.”

Levi felt like his brain was full of static, like his mouth was stuffed with cotton. He wasn’t complaining, far from it, but he couldn’t get a reading on this woman. Why would she, a noble from the surface, want to help him, a hopeless whore from the Underground?

“Wha-”

“Before you ask what my intentions are, I’m just going to tell you that I didn’t even want to do this. I was forced to come to this festival because my father wants me to become more of a proper noble woman. But since I wasn’t too thrilled about having to be here, the people I came with thought I could use an opportunity to loosen up, and paid for me to do this with you in the hopes that I’d start having fun with them afterwards. But I have no intention of doing any of that. I hate how everyone in the Underground is treated like shit, and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of someone who obviously isn’t in control of his situation. I just want to help.”

Levi closed his mouth, all of his protests dying on his tongue. He still had questions, a lot of them, but he decided those could wait, her explanation making him feel surprisingly relaxed for someone who had trained himself to never take the word of a noble at face value. He had never met anyone like her. Even before he was forced to whore himself out, all he had ever known of nobles was their complete lack of humility and egotistical sense of self-importance.

It was silent for a moment, but this time, the silence was more comfortable, both of them starting to relax a little as (Y/N) continued to patch him up. Levi felt himself loosen up a bit, his muscles unwinding as his hands settled on her waist, keeping her securely balanced on his lap as she worked. Pride swirled in (Y/N)’s chest as she felt his tense muscles soften, her eyes sparkling as she started to work her way towards earning his trust.

“What’s your happiest memory?” (Y/N) asked suddenly.

Levi quirked an eyebrow in suspicion, “Why should I tell you, brat?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” (Y/N) said, shaking her head and stifling a giggle at the nickname. “I only asked because I figured we may as well talk while we do this. Not only that, I feel like you could use some happiness right now. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so if you don’t want to talk to me, you don’t have to.”

Levi was silent for a minute, the cogs in his mind turning as he tried to make what he believed to be the right decision despite the fog clouding his judgement. Just as she had promised, (Y/N) waited patiently, not pressuring him to answer, or even bringing up another question. She merely sat in silence, her clear (e/c) eyes narrowed on his injuries as she worked to make him feel better.

“There was a time when I was with my friend Farlan, a few years back. We were doing a job, trying to get rid of a troublesome merchant for a client of ours when we found out the merchant had a cat. We were hiding around the corner, waiting to strike when that damn cat jumped up onto Farlan’s lap. I’m fine with cats, but that was the day we found out Farlan had some kind of allergy to them. He was trying to hold back his sneezes but finally lost control right when the merchant came around the corner, and Farlan ended up sneezing really violently in his face. That merchant got so scared he must’ve jumped at least three feet in the air, and even managed to piss himself before he took off. We still had to finish him off later, but in that moment, when Farlan was mortified and our target was running for the hills because of a cat induced sneeze, I couldn’t help but laugh a little.”

(Y/N) had paused in her work to listen to him, and couldn’t help but smile when he finished his story. Going back to work, (Y/N) didn’t ask what happened to Farlan, not wanting to drag him back down after she had finally gotten him to talk to her, about something so personal no less.

“What about you?” Levi asked.

“Hmm, I think I’d have to say when I got my horse for my birthday,” (Y/N) said. “I was never around the horses, wasn’t allowed to be in the barn because it wasn’t “proper for a lady”. But I loved them, loved seeing them on the streets when other nobles would come visit my father or when the soldiers from the Survey Corps would come back from a mission. I couldn’t stay away, so no matter how much my father tried to squash my love of them, it just wouldn’t happen. My mother eventually convinced him to let it go, and surprised me with a little chestnut filly that I named Sashay when I was about sixteen years old. Now, she’s my best friend. We’ve been through everything together, and she’s the only one who doesn’t try to force me to be something I’m not. Aside from the royal guards, I guess. They learned a long time ago to stop trying to get me to sit still and look pretty when I beat all of them in the sword fighting ring.”

Levi’s brows shot up into his hair at that, his lips parting in surprise. “You know how to sword fight?”

(Y/N) chuckled. “Yeah, not what you were expecting, huh?”

“No,” Levi said. “I’ve never heard of a noble woman who could fight, let alone with a blade. Are you any good?”

“I tend to think so, but that all depends on who I’m up against,” (Y/N) said with a cheeky smile.

For some reason, Levi couldn’t help but smile back for the first time in years. His lips felt chapped and strained from disuse, but it felt good, a light feeling flooding his chest with warmth. “You said earlier that your horse’s name is Sashay,” Levi said, suddenly changing the topic.

“Mm hm.”

“That’s weird.”

(Y/N) giggled at his bluntness, making another fluttering feeling swirl in his chest. He had never met anyone other than Farlan who saw his language as something other than rude.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” (Y/N) said. “But I named her that because she is a sassy chestnut mare. I like to imagine that if she were human, she’d be someone you wouldn’t want to mess with, someone who wouldn’t take shit from anyone, but would do so with a spicy attitude. So I named her accordingly.”

Levi huffed a laugh at her response but almost immediately regretted it when the movement of his chest caused the rough gauze at her fingertips to brush against his injuries a little harder than before, the stinging sensation making him hiss in pain.

“Sorry!” (Y/N) said, quickly retracting her hands and holding them up, waiting for him to give her the signal to continue.

“Not your fault,” Levi mumbled, motioning that it was alright for her to get back to work. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I said that before.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “You don’t have to thank me. I want to do this.”

Levi wanted to ask her why but remembered what she had told him at the start of this and decided to trust her word, swallowing the question and instead changing topics. “Why do you even have this? Do you always just carry a first aid kit around?”

“Only when I come to the Underground. I want to have it available for those who really need it.”

“You do know that at least half of the people down here would kill you without a second thought to get to that medicine. Or they’d kill you if they thought you were pitying them.”

“I know, but I’d like to think I can handle myself a bit more than the average person. Even so, I usually keep it hidden unless I really want or need to use it on someone, and it’s only for quick patch-ups anyway. I can’t really fix anything major.”

(Y/N) finally finished with his front and carefully slid off of his thighs, moving slowly to begin working on his back. She made sure he was okay with everything she was doing before settling herself down onto the edge of the bed behind him, her hands reaching up to start her work once more.

Levi wanted to know more about her. He felt as if he could talk to her for hours, as if he had known her for years. He wanted to know what made her laugh, what made her cry, what her vision was for the future. It was insane, so much so that Levi idly wondered if he’d fallen off the deep end. But he couldn’t deny it. She was just too intriguing, so surprisingly kind, so genuine.

What was your childhood like? What are your favorite things to do? Do you come down here often? When will I see you again?

The questions continued to rattle around in Levi’s head as they once again lapsed into a comfortable silence but he forced all of them back, not wanting to seem either too desperate to get to know her, or be seen as coming on too strong.

After debating with himself for a while, Levi finally settled on, “You’ve mentioned your father a lot, and how he doesn’t want you to be yourself.”

(Y/N) tensed a little, her face twisted in a grimace behind Levi’s back. “Yeah… he used to be better about it, but ever since my mother died, he’s been like a tyrant. He’s upset he didn’t get a son in the first place, but now that he’s stuck with me for a daughter, he’s even more disappointed that I’m not someone he can easily make profits off of by marrying me off to someone. Not only have I been adamant about not allowing it, but no nobleman wants a woman who can think for herself. A woman who can ride a horse, go toe to toe with her soldiers, has an opinion, and is knowledgeable about current conflicts. They want someone who will dress up all pretty for them and be in bed, ready to satisfy them when they get home from gambling and drinking all day while sitting on their parents’ money.”

Levi scoffed and (Y/N) huffed in agreement. “I’m just not that kind of person. Every suitor that has ever met me has run away from my casual attire and sailor’s mouth.”

“Your father wasn’t like this when your mother was alive?” Levi asked.

“He was, but he wasn’t as bad. My parents were in an arranged marriage, but they got along alright. At least my father loved my mother enough to listen to her most of the time when she told him to lay off of me. I honestly think she’s the reason why I have such a strong fighting spirit.”

“I’m sorry she’s gone,” Levi said awkwardly, not used to providing words of comfort.

“Thanks,” (Y/N) said genuinely, a warm smile gracing her beautiful features.

“I didn’t know my mother that well,” Levi said haltingly, still unsure why he felt comfortable telling her about things he hadn’t even talked to Farlan about. “She died of a disease when I was four years old. She was a prostitute, like me, so I never knew my father. When she died, I was picked up by a man named Kenny, who I thought might’ve been my father for a short while, but as I grew older, I realized he wasn’t. I don’t have any proof, I just know. When he abandoned me at ten, I was alone for a few years before I met Farlan.”

“So… you didn’t get stuck doing this because of your mother?” (Y/N) asked carefully, almost afraid to ask in case it made him shy away from her.

“No,” Levi said slowly. “I was twenty years old when I was caught stealing from a rich friend of this brothel owner. I had made a mistake and there was no way out. He figured out who I was, a thug who was known at the time for carrying out favors for people, whether that meant stealing or killing depended on how much they were willing to pay. Unfortunately, this led them to Farlan, and he gave me a choice. Me, or my best and only friend.”

“And you chose to save your friend at the expense of yourself,” (Y/N) finished for him in a hoarse whisper, filled with horror and unbridled fury at what this man had been through. She figured she should’ve been alarmed, he had just admitted that he had blood on his hands. He was a thief, a thug, a criminal, a murderer. But (Y/N) knew those things were nearly requirements for living in the Underground and no matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t think of anything that would make this man deserve what he was going through.

(Y/N) opened her mouth to say something just as she put the last bandage in place when a loud pounding on the door startled them both. “Time’s up, you two!” The brothel owner shouted through the door.

(Y/N) shot up from the bed and rushed around to where the water and first aid kit sat, quickly packing up the little box of supplies and splashing her face with water, trying to make herself look sweaty enough to look convincing. Once everything had been packed away, (Y/N) stood and shrugged off her leather jacket, throwing it to him.

“Here, take this, it’ll keep your boss from seeing the bandages and trying to get rid of them. It’ll also give your injuries a little more protection from the bacteria in this room.”

Levi wanted to refuse, tell her he couldn’t accept a gift like this, even if it was temporary, but no words would come out as he watched the beautiful woman in front of him mess up her hair and swipe her fingers across her lips, trying to make herself look as wrecked as possible. When she finally looked the part enough to seem convincing, (Y/N) made her way to the door, turning one last time before she opened it to throw him a wink and a sweet smile.

“~Goodbye Levi, I hope we can see each other again soon.”

The lilt in her voice was fake, an act for anyone who may be listening on the other side of the door, meant to be taken as a sickly promise of more sexual endeavors to come, but he could feel the genuine emotion in her statement.

“I hope so too,” Levi said quietly after she had already left, the once comforting quiet of his room now making him feel lonely and empty.

The sound of pounding on his door woke Levi abruptly, making the raven-haired man growl in anger and annoyance. It was rare that the poor man got to sleep, not only because customers could come in at almost any time, day or night, but also because of the horrible insomnia that often plagued him. It made him even more irritable to be woken up, his body sore and his mind groggy as another round of pounding roused him further and prompted him to swing his legs over the side of the small cot he was provided when not busy fucking, and make his way to the door.

“What?” Levi snapped when he swung open the door, genuinely surprised that the pig who owned him hadn’t just burst into his room like he always did, raving about yet another customer for Levi.

“Get your shit, you’re going to the surface.”

Levi blinked. This had to be some kind of joke. The brothel owner never let anyone under his foot leave the brothel, let alone the Underground. Even the highest class noble women couldn’t request for him to come to them, the old man not trusting his prostitutes to be sent back. Especially Levi.

“Oi, your ears gone to shit now? Grab your pathetic bullshit and get out of my sight,” the man snarled, his small, watery eyes narrowed on Levi like he was the scum of the world.

Shaking himself out of it, Levi didn’t hesitate for another moment, rushing back into his room to grab the pitifully few things he had with him, including the leather jacket he had gotten from (Y/N), draping it over his shoulders to hide his healing injuries just in case it was a trick. The festival was still going on afterall, this could just be some ruse the old man set up to make the experience more interesting for the men and women who paid for him.

When Levi returned, the man pulled a gun from his jacket pocket and jerked his head, signaling Levi to follow him. Levi knew better than to risk running. In his full health he could’ve easily escaped from the man’s clutches, but with little more than a half hour of rest, his injured body, weak muscles, and the remnants of the drugs still working through his system, Levi didn’t trust himself to outrun a bullet, and knew the pig wouldn’t hesitate to fire, no matter how valuable Levi was to him.

Even though Levi kept expecting the brothel owner to turn down a secluded street and lead him right into an ambush or trick of some sort, he never did, leading Levi right to the stairs exiting the Underground. When they reached the guards at the base of the stairs, the man took two slips of paper from the inner pocket of his worn brown coat and showed it to the guard. When he was cleared to continue on, the brothel owner turned and motioned for Levi to stay close as he stomped his way up the stairs, grumbling incoherently to himself all the while.

Breaching the surface, Levi brought an arm to his face, shielding his eyes from the intensity of the sun as it attacked his face with warm, bright light. He eventually got used to it, slowly lowering his arm and rushing to catch up with his boss, who was impatiently grunting for him to hurry up.

Passing through what appeared to be a busy market square, Levi followed the brothel owner along the lively cobblestone streets until they reached a quieter part of the town, stopping along the edge of a beautiful flower field, the grassy meadow filled with colorful blossoms that secretly took Levi’s breath away.

The sound of horse hooves caught his attention, and Levi looked up only to have the air fly from his lungs when (Y/N)’s bright face came into view, the stunning woman seated astride whom he assumed to be Sashay and flanked by two armed men.

“Right on time,” the brothel owner grumbled, his little pig eyes narrowing when he saw her passive aggressive smile.

“Of course I’m on time, this is my deal, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the man growled. “Are you sure you want this one? He’s my most popular, I’d hate to lose him.”

“Yes, he’s the one I want. Besides, I believe the money I’ve paid you has far exceeded the profit you have earned from having him around. I’m sure you will be able to manage.”

The man sneered at her but didn’t respond, using the muzzle of the gun to push Levi forward and digging in his pocket to fish out the same pieces of paper he had shown the guards on the stairs, handing them to (Y/N).

“Thank you, sir. I believe we are done here.”

The brothel owner slunk off, casting dark looks at her but refusing to argue as he hunkered off to head back down to the Underground, where he would continue to rot like the rat he was. Levi watched him go before turning to (Y/N), surprised by the bright smile she flashed him when he met her gaze.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on?”

(Y/N) smiled even wider and held up the pieces of paper she had been handed. One of them was the file labeling him as a slave to the brothel owner, keeping him from escaping, and the other was a bill of sale. His eyes widened when he saw her signature on the bottom of both pages, officially registering her as his new owner. He opened his mouth, about to speak when she took both pages in her hands and ripped them in half, letting the torn pages float onto the street below, forgotten, useless.

“There, you’re free now.”

Levi was at a loss for words, his mouth gaping open. “(Y/N)? What-”

“Before you ask me what my intentions are, I’m just going to tell you that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your life, your sacrifice, your pain, and I decided I could do something about it. You are human, and damn it, you are an important one! I couldn’t just leave you there. Now, you won’t have to work for anyone but yourself. You won’t have to cater to anyone else’s needs and you can fulfill whatever dreams you have.”

“But, that must’ve cost you a fortune, to cover more than the amount of money he’s made off of using me? What about-”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Levi. I want to use my funds for good, put them towards the people who need it the most. That includes you. Especially you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you having to stay in that shit hole for even a second longer than necessary.”

“What do I do now, then?” Levi asked, trying to focus on keeping his voice steady.

“Well, you can do whatever you want now. You’re a free man, you can find a house and settle down somewhere, or you can go back to the Underground and pick up your life where you left off. You can join the military, or you can start a small business here in the square. It’s anything you want. You get to choose your life now.”

“And what if I don’t want to do any of those things?”

(Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that flashed across her face then, her heart filling with warmth. “Like I said, it’s your choice, you can do whatever you want, carve your own path, but if you want to come with me, you’re always welcome to.”

Levi’s lip twitched and he took a step forward, reaching up to pat Sashay’s muzzle as he got closer. “Alright, I’ll follow you.”

(Y/N) beamed before turning around to nod at each one of her guards, dismissing them. When they had left, presumably returning to (Y/N)’s family estate, she reached down for him, her hand extended for him to take. Placing his rough palm into her warm hand, he allowed her to help him up into the saddle behind her, his arms wrapping around her waist to keep himself secure as (Y/N) kicked Sashay into an easy canter. Sighing blissfully, Levi let himself relax, his chin coming down to rest on (Y/N)’s shoulder as they made their way home, together.

Levi had never expected to see the day when he would willingly go with a noble, but then again, he never thought he’d ever meet a noble like (Y/N). Now, as he felt her warmth soak into his chest, he knew he’d made the right decision.

Levi finally felt the remnant effects of the drugs in his system fade away as the sun beams broke through the fluffy clouds in the sky, leaving his mind clear. He was making this decision all on his own, nothing left to impair his judgement, and no matter what, he knew he would never regret the path he chose to take just so long as (Y/N) stayed by his side.

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skylarmoon71 · 4 years

Text

Earth 2 Harrison Wells x Reader- Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Flash

Warning: Mentions of suicide. Please be warned.

“Barry be careful, if she gets any of that mist of you you’re a goner. The poison affects you the same.” Cisco’s voice rang in his ear.

“Got it!” he zipped forward, coming to a complete stop when he stood before the woman who just watched him cockily. There were over ten people now unconscious in the museum.

“Listen Flash, just let me get that gem and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“You know I can’t do that.” There was a ruby, said to have belonged to a royal family. It was a main attraction in the museum, for obvious reasons.

“You know, they really should keep things like this more heavily guarded. “ the meta mocked walking closer to Barry. He was standing directly in front of the artifact.

“So, how do you intend to stop me. If you try to zoom closer you’ll be done within a second. And I’m sure you realize by now touching me is just as dangerous. So what’s Central City’s greatest hero going to do?” She was taunting him. Barry gritted his teeth. He pushed forward.

It didn’t take long or her poison to release, putting her spores into the air. The second he took a step, his body fell flat, veins surging with the green poison. Barry gasped, watching as she laughed walking over his body. She broke the glass with ease, plucking the gem and stuffing it into her pocket.

“See you next time Flash.” With that she was off, the alarms in the museum blaring at her exit.

Through the entire ordeal you’d been hiding behind a pillar. You peeked out when you realized the crazy meta was gone. What you did see was the Flash passed out of the floor.

“Crap!” you ran over. When you got closer you could hear a voice coming from what looked like a com link in his ear.

“Barry, Barry, answer me!!” a female voice screamed. You pulled out the mic, speaking into it.

“H-Hello, I’m one of the civilians at the museum. That woman she got the gem and ran off. You need to get the ambulance here now!” the woman didn’t say anything for a second.

“The Flash, is he breathing?” she sounded hesitant to even ask.

“Yes, he is. He’ll be fine I’ll take care of him just get help.” she didn’t waste time, you could hear her alerting authorities from the other side of the microphone. You dropped it, eyes moving back to the male in front of you. You took a deep breath, hands hovering over his body. A green mist started to rise, slipping into your skin. You groaned, feeling the poison sink into your veins. When it all disappeared you let out a heavy breath.

“One down.” you thought going over to the other victims. One by one you repeated the action. The more poison you sucked through your body the more sweat seemed to gather at your forehead. You’d lost count on how many you’d already healed when you heard a gasp from the side of you. Your head turned.

“Y-You’re awake?” you said softly. The speedster looked a bit disoriented.

“What happened..” he stood slowly, hands on his knees to keep him balanced.

You placed your hands flat on the ground, thankful he didn’t see you using your abilities.

“That meta did a number on you. She got away with that gem thing. “ you pointed to the broken glass. He frowned, looking down a bit guilty.

“Hey it’s fine. These people need attention now. The poison is a lot like a paralysis toxin. It’s curable, but they need help now.” the blaring of the sirens outside alerted you that help was finally on its way. You pressed your head to the floor, completely exhausted.

“Hey! You okay?” he moved closer and you sighed. “Yeah..just in shock. With all the craziness that happens in this city you would I’d be used to it by now.” He gave a small smile, pressing a hand to your back. Someone burst through the door and you saw cops, medics and reporters filing in.

“Flash!” one of the detectives shouted. The speedster stood up shaking his head. “She got away. I couldn’t stop her.” The older male speaking to him just gave an encouraging pat.

“Don’t worry about it. Iris was frantic, she said you were down. “ Barry nodded. “Yeah I was, I’m positive that meta got me. Then I just woke up and this woman was..” his eyes turned and you were no longer there.

“Where did she go?” he made a full circle, trying to pick your face out into the crowd. You were nowhere to be found.

“We can figure that out later, right now that crazy meta is our main priority.” Joe commented. Barry nodded a bit distracted. “Yeah..”

“That was close.” you huffed, leaning on a nearby building. The green liquid that was running through your veins was disappearing slowly. When it was completely gone, you stood up straight, moving in the direction of the hospital.

~~~~~

“Your vitals are fine, not even a spec of the spores.You’ll be fine.” Barry rolled down his sleeve, still trying to put the pieces together. Caitlin pulled off her gloves, disposing of them into the bin. “This doesn’t make sense, she got me. I should still be out. And all those other people, they woke up too, no sign of the poison. It doesn’t add up.”

“There was someone else there. Maybe she knows what happened. When I was calling for you, she said not to worry, just to call the police.” Iris butted in.

“Do you think maybe she's a meta too?” Cisco questioned sucking a lollipop.

“It would make sense. That’s the only explanation. If she did take in that poison, she could be somewhere suffering. That level would be too much, especially since you weren’t the only one she helped.” Caitlin informed.

“Who is a meta?” Harry said walking in with his gun.

“Thanks for finally joining us Harry, you know we could have used your help on this one.”

“I’m here now Ramon, who are we looking for?” He asked.

“A woman, I think she might be in danger. I’ll go to CCPD and get a sketch so you can run it through facial recognition. “

Cisco nodded. “Good plan, in the meantime we’ll work on catching our little gem thief.” Caitlin smiled. “I’d think by now you’d have a name for her. “Cisco grumbled under his breath, shoving the sweet back in his mouth.

~~~

“And on other news, The Flash has done it again. The thief has been apprehended and the gem safely tucked back into its home at Central City’s museum. “ you smiled looking at the television braced on the wall in your patient’s room. “I knew the Flash would do it!” the girl in the bed said happily. “When I get older, I’ll be just like him.” she cheered. She had a Flash figurine clutched into her hand. “Just work on getting stronger, then you can apply to be a superhero.” you teased. She just smiled. You watched the exhaustion in her eyes. “You need to stop getting so worked up Sarah, it’s not good for you.” she just grinned at you. “I can’t help it. “

She was one of your regulars, a cancer patient. The disease had long taken away all her hair. You always wondered how she managed to still smile so brightly when her days were numbered. You took her hand, giving a warm smile. Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes, trying to take away as much of her illness into your body. After a few seconds you hunched forward, breathing heavily. Her eyes closed slowly, falling asleep. You pulled your hand away reluctantly.

“It’s getting harder..” you noted.

“Ms. (Y/N), you have visitors.” your eyes lifted to the head nurse. You nodded, trying to put yourself together as you walked out with her. You slid your patient's door close, meeting a few unfamiliar faces. One of the males was smiling and you with so much familiarity, as if he knew you. The nurse left and you guided them to your office. When you all got in you offered for them to take a seat.

“What can I do for you?” The male who was still beaming held out his hand.

“I’m Barry Allen, I work for CCPD. This is Detective Joe West, Cisco Ramon and Dr. Caitlin Snow.” There was another guy standing with his head bent. His dark clothing and cap made you a bit weary. Still, you greeted everyone with a smile.

“To what do I owe the pleasure? “ Barry stepped closer. “We were investigating the crime that took place today, with the robbery at the museum.”

“Ahh, yes. I saw The Flash caught the person who did it. He’s such an inspiration, that guy. I was actually just talking about him with one of my patients.”

“That’s what we needed to speak to you about, we have witnesses that put you at the scene. We’re just trying to fill in some blanks.” Detective West interjected. You narrowed your eyes.

“I’m not sure how I can help, I was hiding the entire time. I didn’t even get a look at the woman who attacked.”

“Let’s stop wasting time and get to the point.” the guy with the cap stormed over to you raising a watch in front of your body. You flinched when it started to go off. Red lights flaring.

“You’re a metahuman.” he stated. You panicked, stumbling back into the wall. Your eyes darted around the room, raising your hands defensively.

“W-Who the hell are you people, what do you want!”

“Way to go Harry you scared her!” Cisco yelled.

Barry moved over raising his hand. “Listen, we’re not here to hurt you believe me.” he sounded so sincere. Yet, you heard those words before.

“I’m not going to be some experiment locked up in a prison! I haven’t hurt anyone.” Barry nodded.

“You’re right you didn’t hurt anyone, you saved them. Isn’t that right?” you just stared at him. You couldn’t remember him at the museum, so how did he know.

“H-Have we met before?” you asked. Something about him was so familiar, you couldn’t put you finger on it.

“N-No we uhh..” he was stumbling over his words.

“Code red!!” someone yelled outside. Your eyes shifted at the commotion.

“Patient five is convulsing. “ your eyes widened. “Sarah!!” you pushed passed the individuals, diving out the room. When you got to her room she was writhing on the bed, eyes still tightly shut. The machines were going crazy.

“We need to stabilize her!” you instructed the other nurses to get her usual medication. They ran out, scrambling to recover what was needed. Barry and the others were now standing out there, watching with dread as the girl continued to beat against the bed. Tears were gathering in your eyes.

If she didn’t stabilize soon there was a good chance she wouldn’t make it through the night. You glanced back at Barry, before looking at Sarah. You needed to help her, even if it meant they would find out your secret. You pressed both your hands to her head. Barry couldn’t believe what he was seeing. A golden glow was emitting from her head, into your hands. He watched the light travel all the way up to your neck.

“S-She’s killing herself!!” Caitlin cried. Barry moved forward to stop you but you turned to him, eyes now glowing a bright yellow light

“STAY BACK!” your voice didn’t even sound like your own, it was distorted. When the light finally dissipated, you shuffled back and the heart monitors suddenly returned to normal. A bunch of doctors rushed in, checking her signs. “S-She’s stable again.” one of them stated. You nodded. “Keep track to ensure it doesn’t raise again.” the nurse present did just that. It took you a moment to regain your focus, when you did they were all looking at you in awe.

“We have a lot to talk about. “ the man with the cap said. You gave a reluctant nod, heaving as you guided them out.

#harrywellsxreader #metahumans #harrison wells #flash #barryallen #caitlinsnow #cisco ramon #earth1 #powers #villians #patients #doctor #loss #crime #centralcity #herocomplex #angst

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#10)

S3 E10: Down By Law.

Episode Description: Dr. Manning sustains an injury while helping a drive-by victim and Dr. Rhodes finds himself in uncomfortable waters.

Connor being in ‘uncomfortable waters’? I can hear Ava bullying him already.

(also i wrote a little thing abt maggie giving ava a red bull so enjoy that little bit of content)

Let’s get into it.

-barry just yeeted natalie against a car holy shit that’s fucking hilarious

-will needs to chill the fuck out

-YESSSSS

-THIS WHERE CONNOR BRINGS THE WOMAN HE WENT OUT WITH UP FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. AND THEN AVA HARASSES HIM FOR IT.

-this is one of the most iconic ava moments. (it’s first thing that pops up under the tumblr tag)

-ava overhearing connor not knowing his date’s last name. and ava walking over, already getting ready to make fun of him. barely concealing her smile

-the confidence with which she set down the file. she was too prepared and too excited

-this could just turn into a list of ava quotes

-”It must be hard, remembering all their names.”

“You know I read Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is... It’s much classier.”

-ava bekker secret baseball fan?

-Connor: “Jeter? You a baseball fan?”

Ava: “Oh, no. It’s much too boring. But I love gossip.”

-interesting. very, interesting... is it weird to anyone else to think about ava liking gossip?

-like the idea is fun and all but i hate the idea of ava being suuuper obsessed with gossip. it makes her seem way too shallow in my book. that being said, one of my hcs about women gossiping about all the shit men do to ava bc they know she’ll call them on it now has a lot more precedence

-i know she explicitly says that baseball is boring but i can’t get the idea of ava being a secret baseball fan out of my head. its just so novel

-HER SHIT EATING GRIN

- Connor: “Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible.”

Ava: “That’s what Dr. Rhodes is renowned for around here. Quick in and outs.”

Connor: *turns to her condescendingly*

Ava: *two finger salute* “I’m Dr. Bekker, by the way.”

-the lesbian icon jumped out

-also the fact that in the previous episode Ava’s mentor did the exact same salute. idk what it means but it’s not that important

-ava trying to hide her smile when asking the woman if she wanted them to contact her husband

-ava overhearing again when latham tells connor the woman he was with was doing cocaine

-ava smirking when connor says that he thinks the heart attack was from his sex and not the cocaine

-connor thinking he’s so good at sex he’s going to give this woman a heart attack

-he really drives All the ladies wild in EveryWay (sex, suicide. he’s the whole package)

-latham asking connor point blank “did you partake in the cocaine?”

-the ct team gives connor so. much. shit. it’s so funny

-also. ava just chillin at her desk looking at scans? that’s the kind of content i want to see. just her just being there. doing her own thing. that’s what i want

-THE GUY WITH A TEENAGE WIFE IS A REVEREND HOLY SHIT

-counting down the minutes til natalie drops dead (passes out but yk a girl can dream lol)

-sarah. back at it again with her rayon jacket and button up and backpack. the coffee cup only adds to the aesthetic

-connor being surprised that latham isn’t gonna let him do surgery on the women he fucked (twice, he might add)

- whatever you do, don’t think of a brown bear. are you thinking about it?

-maggie dealing red bull to people who need it. that’s a very soft idea

- ex:

Dr. Bekker is sitting at the desk in the ED. Well, sleeping, more like it. Her head is resting on her fist, her elbow precariously close to slipping off the the chair armrest, and her eyes open by just a hair.

“Dr. Bekker.”

Ava jolts awake.

“Maggie,” Ava says, strong accent cutting through, acknowledging the person standing over her. Hastily, she adjusts her jacket and scrubs, smoothing them back into place.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tired.”

Ava shrugs, seamlessly slipping back into easy confidence.

“Rough couple of cases. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Uh huh,” Maggie says, unbelieving.

She sets a can of Red Bull on the desk with a knowing look.

“You need this more than anybody.”

Ava scoffs. “Those things? They are murder on your heart, come on.”

Maggie hums and walks away. Ava watches her leave, and when she’s out of sight, Ava darts forward, grabs the energy drink, immediately cracking it open and downing half of it.

- anyway.

- @punksarahreese that’s on you for making me believe ava loves energy drinks

- let’s continue

- sarah looking at charles telling her not to do something: I am not going to do a thing you said

- go off babe. it was the wrong decision but go off

- all the nurses watching this guy call nat a bitch: 👀 👀 👀 👀

- will being like: god that guy called you a bitch i fucking hate him

- and natalie being like: he is also refusing to let us treat the 14 yr olds cancer but you obviously have priorities

- sarah is so logical. she’s good at talking to people. can you FUCKING IMAGINE IF SHE HAD BETTER GUIDANCE (oh and less trauma)

- this is also the one with that hilarious screen cap of sarah holding a knife

- the way she is so calm about handing this patient a knife gives me anxiety

- THIS SCENE IS SO HARD TO WATCH IT SCARES ME SO MUCH

- sarah just in alone in a room with a man who keeps having visions of stabbing his wife. and her just handing him a fucking knife oh my god i have too much anxiety for this

- rewatching the series and getting completely confused bc norma is 5′7″ but she looks so short next to colin and the guy who plays latham

- AND RACHEL IS ALSO 5′ 7″ BUT THEY BOTH LOOK SO SHORT - WHY EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO TALL

- anyway. ignore that that’s not important

- I... the parallels btwn sarah offering this guy the ability to slit her throat (for therapy) and ava cutting her throat... i don’t know what to do with this information

- idk but sarah holding the knife got me feelin some type of way

- the way connor looks at ava with such contempt bc she... does her job (and his but yk) especially during the hug wtf dude honestly just stop looking at her

- this is also the episode where ava pawns off the patient’s hug onto connor. while yeah, it could ava just being annoying to connor by forcing him to hug his one night stand’s husband, but she did give connor due credit. (and something to be said about her being confused and a tad uncomfortable when the patient hugs her, which is why she pawns it off to rhodes)

- she also doesn’t hug the guy back, which is kind of funny, she never moves her arms and just shrugs out of it

- and like after the hug she takes a few steps away from the guy, really not wanting any more physical contact or attention

- there’s something interesting in ava’s expression when connor gets hugged by the guy, can’t quite explain it. i’m gonna go with it’s her trying to keep a straight face while connor hugs a man he just helped a woman cheat on, but that’s not all of it so

- or. okay, I think i got it. i think that that little expression when connor gets hugged is her rolling her eyes at him getting credit when ava did most of the heavy lifting. yes. final answer. i’m satisfied

- and her looking away from them is her stopping herself from laughing, bc connor is obviously not enjoying this

- and he’s so sad and angsty he can’t even play along with the jokes

- and ava smiling at him with pity as she walks in to talk to the patient, bc that’s really what it is. she feels bad for him bc connor is so obviously lonely

- and connor’s annoyed bc ‘dammit she does have a right to pity me i suck rn’

- med pushing the women are tough agenda LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- you hate your women characters so much just fucking shut your mouth

- and will being like ‘ i have a lot to learn about women not being objects’

- and nat saying ‘you are way further along than most’ like no, he’s not. the bar is on the ground and he still can’t jump it

- i’m pretty sure this show doesn’t pass the bechdel test. holy fucking shit it doesn’t. you’ve gotta be kidding me. (at least this episode doesn’t)

I can’t believe this episode didn’t pass the bechdel test. The only convo btwn two women were like maggie and sharon and they talk about barry and oh my god this is infuriating god med the bar is so low. And I’m pretty sure most episodes don’t pass the test anyway. Will is literally the representation of med. He gets lots of credit for doing bare minimum things like giving women rights.

Anyway.

This was a good episode. We dissected a lot of unspoken Ava things, which is very good. Ava had a lot of moments where she was there, but didn’t say anything, and when your characters can do that, that’s when you know your characterization is very good.

The moments where Ava isn’t really doing anything to forward the plot of the episode but she’s still just there, doing her own thing, are hands down my favorite. Her sitting at the desk looking at a scan while connor tells latham he didn’t do cocaine could possibly my favorite ava moment in the series, just bc it shows how much of her own character should could’ve been.

I drew an interesting parallel btwn sarah offering the guy to slit her throat and ava’s death. i have nothing for that but go wild

This episode also showed us Ava pitying Connor, another new aspect. she gives him shit but she also pities him. very good ep for little ava moments

as always, thanks for sticking through it

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #ava bekker #med rewatch series #down by law #mine

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ctrlnataliacruz · 5 years

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╰☆╮ CIERRA RAMIREZ ─ NATALIA CRUZ identifies as CISFEMALE and uses SHE/HER pronouns. they’re a CHOREOGRAPHER/COMMERCIAL DANCER, and they’re only TWENTY-TWO ! they’re said to be +SPIRITED, but also -IMPETUOUS. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE PLEASURE SEEKER in the tabloids.

omg hey i’m so flipping excited to be here OH my goodness hiiiii! my name is sarah, i’m 18, and i live in the cst timezone. it’s been an extra thicc minute since i’ve been apart of an rp so i’m so excited and nervous to be here ahhh. i want new friends so please don’t be afraid to reach out and love me chat! i’m a proud latina and because of that i’m so excited to present to you my first hispanic child! natalia is a very proud, bilingual, mexican-american young woman and i feel like a lot of who she is is built on her culture so i just thought that’d be fun for you guys to know :). anywhooo, she wild and there’s so much more to her than just that stuff! please read on to learn all about her and hopefully you’ll love her just as much as i do!

background

natalia cruz is 22, female, uses she/her pronouns, and is bisexual :)

natalia grew up in a lively mexican-american home in a culturally rich, hispanic neighborhood near santa barbara, california. she was well loved by her family and friends and very early on the life of every party. that’s the way she remembers her childhood mostly, being the center of attention on the dance floor at somebody else’s quinceanera, a cousins wedding, or her neighbors summer fiesta.

natalia has two immigrant parents that came from mexico to give their daughter the world. her mom was always a little harder on her but in a loving/supportive way. she wanted big things for her child but was worried that the world would be as harsh to natalia as it was to her. her mother got jobs however she could for the beginning of her life in the states but later landed on cleaning houses - later starting her own cleaning service. her dad started his own landscaping business pretty early on as well. with their businesses combined they managed to make good enough money to provide for natalia and her big brother and two younger sisters - but they were nowhere near rich. her parents work ethic has always inspired natalia to work hard herself and has taught her to be very grateful for what she has.

as cliche as it sounds - nat can’t remember not dancing. she learned to move her body and dance to the music they would play at parties, but anybody who knows her knows that it was just always who she was. it was in her blood. one day her mom got a job cleaning the house of the owner of a successful dance studio in the LA area and one thing lead to another and natalia began taking dance classes and really starting to grow in her talent. her life very quickly became centered around dance. she’d go to school all day just to go straight to the studio and get home sometimes as late as 11pm to do her homework. she worked her ass off at everything she did though - school included. natalia only ever brought home A’s and B’s even with the craziness that was her dance life.

nat had a very close relationship with her grandpa. she was absolutely a grandpa’s girl and he loved it. her grandpa was the one who taught her to follow her dreams, love fully, and to always be true to herself. he taught her so much so when he passed away, it hit her like a ton of bricks. it was the first realization natalia had that put life into perspective. she was living off of borrowed time and knowing that is what ultimately cause nat to move to nyc but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

around 16 is when things started taking off for nat. the people she’d meet in classes became real connections. she began assisting for choreographers and learning from the best of the best. she’d do the occasional video, show, and taught the occasional class but it was only the beginning. at 18 her mentor got her cast in a JLO video and that’s when everything in natalia’s life exploded. she became a regular in her videos, got to go on tour with her, met so many incredible celebrities along the way, got to do a few broadway shows, and began choreographing her own work! at 20 years old she became an official dance captain for JLO and became a nationally renown dancer/choreographer. now, at 22, she is still doing her thing and she works with people like ariana grande, lizzo, taylor swift, dua lipa, britney spears, beyonce, and of course jennifer lopez. she is hoping to open her own dance studio very soon!

how natalia’s head works/general info

nat is very good at loving the people around her and putting everything she has into her passions and loved ones but when it comes to herself and her emotions - she has no clue what she’s doing.

she isn’t great with dealing with her feelings. she either pushes them down (or drinks/smokes them away) or freaks out and lets her feelings control her actions. which, as you could imagine, doesn’t usually turn out great for her.

that being said, nat isn’t good at being alone with herself. she is her toughest critic and somehow always manages to pick out what is wrong with her even when she’s doing great. this is why she’s always busy. either at a party, with friends, or working.

she’s very good at convincing others (and herself) that she loves her life and is happy with who she is but the truth is that she has no idea who she even is half the time. she comes off as such a confident, bad ass bitch but inside she feels completely lost and like she still hasn’t found herself.

natalia has a lot of learning to do when it comes to navigating her emotions and thoughts. specifically, the romantic ones.

nat is kind of a mess when it comes to romance. she’s had a few relationships/flings but the ones she’s had have kind of blown up in her face. her first love was with a boy who really used nat and often times emotionally drained her. he was the kind of guy who wouldn’t let her hang out with her friends - especially the guys ones, wouldn’t let her go out to parties, and expected her to do anything for him - no questions asked. it was incredibly toxic and so hard on natalia. after her first relationship ended with what, at the time, felt like the love of her life she promised herself she’d never let somebody use her and break her heart like that. so she did what a lot of people do and put up a wall. nat began to survive on hookup after hookups and the occasional short term relationship that she would somehow ruin/run from when it felt like it was getting to serious. yeah, the girl self sabotages.

so nat may be incredibly hardworking buuuuut with the “work hard” attitude comes a huge “play hard” attitude. nat is definitely a huge party girl and isn’t afraid to get a little sloppy. she’s very impulsive and kinda just does what she feels like doing in the moment. this could get her in trouble but she hasn’t had to face any consequences yet lol so she just keeps doing it!

she’s lowkey a pothead and kinda sleeps around (as mentioned before) although doesn’t necessarily label herself by those things. again this is very much her free spiritedness coming out. she does what she feels like doing in the moment and sometimes the thing she wants to do is a person lol and i oop-

nat has BIIIIG feelings and trusts others (friends) way too quickly. she just loves people and loves life and doesn’t use her head as much as she should.

is motivated by what things will give her pleasure (thus her label lol)

she has the tendency to be dramatic at times but that’s just those big feelings again.

she’s v flirty and loves a good fling.

although is fluent in english she chooses to speak spanglish a lot haha.

as much as she loves her job and what she does her friends and family her first priority always.

she’s not afraid to be a bitch to get what she wants but is usually pretty chill.

a very loyal friend!

again, i’m so happy to be here and so excited to get started. this is gonna be such a blast. ahhh okay i’m gona stfu now ily all already <3

#excessintro #woooo i'm so happy to be here lol i'm sorry this is long i'm just excited #(ooc w/ sarah)

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toongrrl-blog · 4 years

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The Mommy Myth: Attack of the Celebrity Moms

Gonna try and structure it a lil’ bit different, hit it!

Debby Boone

January 1981, Ronald Reagan was inaugurated as president and Debby Boone, 1978 Grammy winner, poses with her three month old child for the cover of Good Housekeeping. Like her father who has oozed his brand of sanitized rock ‘n’ roll (as not to freak out white parents and grandparents), Debby has become a pioneer: the celebrity mom profile. Inside the issue we learned that baby Jordan eats very well and sleeps 8 hours a night (good) and he is healthy because Debby took SUPER GOOD CARE OF HER BODY during her pregnancy as she ate health food and weighed only a pound less than before she was pregnant (okay Deb), mostly due to healthy food and prayer (news to the church ladies my Mom knows), this was a surprise (okay), and baby Jordan loves music because his grandfather Pat Boone and great-grandfather Red Foley were musicians (well most babies like music and noise). The celebrity mom profile where she reminds the female reader that she is a poised, trim, stylish, perfect mother unlike you the mom who stresses over tax season, is a household drudge, and eats junk food when the kids are asleep.

Kirstie Alley

February 1994, Kirstie Alley (remember Cheers, Fat Actress, It Takes Two, and Look Who’s Talking?) invites In Style magazine into her fourth house in Bangor, Maine that she paid in with cash, a house that is like her: “at once down-to-earth and whimsical”. She’s a mom now with a “playful sense of style” that is evident by the decoupage grapes on her son’s highchair and was made to look antique and worn. One year old True (that’s his name!) has his highchair facing a ceramic pig holding a blackboard on which a new word appears to encourage his reading proficiency (never too early to start teaching kids to read!) We see Kirstie’s life is made easy with decorators, nanny, a cook, and personal assistants and True having two hour nap times (I will check with relatives of young babies and toddlers to see if possible) where Kirstie works out with a personal trainer and eats a fat-free lunch (well we know what happens when you diet for so long). Kirstie gushes about how “being a mother has given me a whole new purpose. Every day when I wake up it’s like Christmas morning to me, and seeing life through True’s eyes gives me a whole new way of looking at the world” (yeah I don’t know anyone who actually feels that way and what about those who found a purpose without having kids? Sorry charity volunteers and recovering alcoholics!)

Flash forward to 1997 where Kirstie is star of the then-new Veronica’s Closet where she has a new man, new show, and a new baby. We learn her Maine home has fifteen bedrooms and she loves decorating this huge place, which includes a nursery-rhyme garden for True and baby Lillie. Kirstie talks about this facial treatment she has every morning where she blasts her face with oxygen and enzymes with a plastic hose hooked up to two pressurized tanks (guess Joan Crawford’s beauty regimen wasn’t hardcore enough?).

Annie Potts

I admit there could be some bias here, I grew up on Annie Potts (Ghostbusters, Designing Women, Any Day Now, Pretty In Pink, GCB, Toy Story) so that might color my commentary (though I try to keep a bit of Susan J. and Meredith here). In California, we enter Annie Potts’s “Casa de Mayhem” (actually really cute, nice to see she nice great decorating sense outside of Iona’s fabulous digs) where her nanny corrals Potts’s 16 month old where a wing was built in the anticipation of the baby Jake’s birth (how?), where there is a darkroom for her husband, a bedroom for the assistant (late night slumbers?), and an office for Potts and also a pool. Somehow her white furniture remains immaculate (just like Megan Draper’s white carpet). Annie Potts believes that her son may be the reincarnation of her cat Gus and covers her chairs with cow-print vinyl.

Cheryl Ladd (Or a more Honest Time that was soon to be past)

During a different time Ladies Home Journal in March 1979 reported on Cheryl Ladd (Charlies Angels star and singer for Melody) as a mother where she admitted even with her household staff and her four year old with a nine year old’s vocabulary (by 1979 standards!) , it can be stressful which Goldie Hawn admitted to in smaller profile. Back then the celebrity moms were glamorous and embraced intensive mothering but they admitted it had it’s ups and downs, sentiments that were gone by the late 1980s where “motherhood was sexy” or “blessed”. Also the houses and toys became more lavish and the moms were always gushing with Whitney Houston stating she “never found anything more fulfilling than being a mother” (okay that makes me sad in hindsight, RIP Whitney and Bobbi Christina) and celeb moms saying they have transformed as people since having babies (babies are not reform school people nor life coaches). And was so awkward when Christie Brinkley said she got it right with her 3rd kid (no shade really, she was neat as Gayle Gergich).

In Celebrity Momma land there was no such thing as postpartum depression, saggy tits, leaky nipples, extra fat or economic, political, and social barriers or sexism, racism, and classism or even bratty kids or lazy or tired partners. They were (in the words of Michaels and Douglas) “June Cleaver with cleavage and a successful career”. They were allowed to bring the kid to work and they were always in love with their husbands....until not (these gushing profiles were the equivalent of that couple on Facebook with the perfect photos but argued a lot in real life). And while most of us bounce between the hip cynic and the corny romantic, we can see through it but still feel insecure by it.

Princess Diana (and the Rules of Celebrity Motherhood)

She was one of the most watched celebrity moms ever since her engagement to Prince Charles and even after the Royal Gyno certified her as a virgin and fertile in 1881...no I mean 1981 when she married him. Then in June 1982, William was born while she was around 20 years old. This girl clearly was picked by the Royal Family because she was young, pretty, not very assertive, fertile, and a virgin. He was her sister Lady Sarah’s ex-boyfriend and she thought he was hot since she was 16....keep in mind there is like a fourteen year age difference and she was a late teenager when they got engaged and married. The Press talked about his adoration for her and they had for a while the image of the picture-perfect family where nothing was wrong, she was naturally very thin and he thought she was the only woman in the world for him and wouldn’t want to be another woman’s tampon. Of course the cracks were obvi, early on, the Royal Family was all about projecting that image and Diana played along, being and playing devoted mom and she was, just she couldn’t be tired or want a lil space from the kids while the cameras were rolling. She even looked slim during her second (!) pregnancy! Which she timed perfectly. We now know that was a eating disorder. She had a ton of tasks on her schedule (charity) and often turned the kids over to a nanny but tried to give a normal life to her kids and expose them to people less privileged than they. Diana was a child of divorce, close to her younger brother, was depressed and bulimic, happened to marry a guy from a tradition bound family when she was starting to find herself, why does our culture encourage women to bound themselves to motherhood and marriage before they figured themselves out as people? And we know stuff about the Windsors as a family from The Crown.

1. “The mom is gorgeous, in clear control of her destiny, and her husband loves her even more once she becomes pregnant and the baby is born.”

2. “They are always radiantly happy when they are with their kids.” And the kids are always happy too, as it reflects well on the moms...

3. “They always look and feel fabulous--better than ever--while pregnant, because they are nutrition experts and eat exactly what they should and have the discipline to exercise regularly. No varicose veins, no dreaded ‘mask of pregnancy’, no total exhaustion, no unflattering comparisons to Weber barbecue kettles or Chris Farley. And they time their babies perfectly. Control, control, control.

4. “Whatever your schedule, whatever institutional constraints you confront that keep you away from or less involved with your kids, it must be clear that they are your number-one priority, not mater what.” Big thing when working moms were dealing with workplace rules making it hard to be there for their children and be on top at work.

5. “There must be some human frailties, some family tragedies, some struggles or foibles that bring the celeb down a peg, make her seem a bit more like us and allow some of us to identify with her.”

6. “The celebrity mom is fun-loving, eager to jump up and play with the kids at a moment’s notice. She’s always in the mood. She never says, ‘Not now honey. I don’t feel like it. Mummy’s tired. Mummy’s too lazy. Roller-coasters make Mummy barf.”

7. “...truly good, devoted mothering requires lavishing as many material goods on your kids as possible.” You even have to be lavish with the nursery.

Moms of Color

When the genre found it’s boom, Celebrity Moms were mostly white and straight (except for Rosie O’Donnell and the then-closeted Jodie Foster) and many writers and editors at women’s magazine said that white women don’t want to read about black women (crushing a soda can in my hand). Then women like Whitney Houston and Gloria Estefan started having kids and magazines like Ebony have done profiles like “The New Motherhood” and “The Joys of Being A Stay At Home Mom” where educated and employable black women became housewives (no statistics offered) and yes Ebony has always done that and spotlighted activists and their families. I also want to point out that the magazine has always been socially conscious, because Police Brutality and racism are still alive, with recently black celebrities posing with their sons as a statement against the police killings of young black people.

Now Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels ask: should moms of color be glad to be celebrated with this lofty pedestal or be concerned about how fragile this pedestal is? I think Jodie Landon says it all.

Why all this matters

The Celebrity Mom profile presented a narrow view of motherhood not afforded to many ordinary mothers (whether you are of color or white, working class or middle class, have many kids or just one, are religious or spiritual or atheist, stay at home or part-time or salaried) cannot live up to. Celebrity Moms have existed for a long time but when the 1980s came, that is when motherhood practically became even more of a sport or a performance about how one can be the perfect supermom and make those who feel ambivalence feel like they are terrible mothers who ate too many junk food and were always tired, and had photos with no photoshop or personal trainers or stylists. In the Reagan era, being wealthy was chic: “trickle-down” economics, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, dramas about wealthy people, ads from Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren that breathed new life into the preppy look, Merchant Ivory films focusing on wealthy people in the old days and Mommie Dearest was a bestseller on the bookshelves and the theaters that made publicists very busy.

Also let’s talk about the beginnings of People magazine. In 1974, after market researchers for Time magazine noted that readers read the “People” section first before reading other parts of the magazine, Time-Life launched People magazine. Following was Us Weekly in 1977 and then the tabloids started doing more celebrity journalism, even local TV news magazines like Evening which gave way to Entertainment Tonight and then we heard the more serious news shows talking about celebs. Also while we were turning away from “experts” who were never moms or did diapers, we looked for role models as we needed to be role models and Celebrity moms were women who had lucrative and high-paying jobs and motherhood; they were also attractive role models as they suggested an alternative to being a frumpy or presentable-but-in-the-background or sexless has-been after having kids. Then women’s magazines started featuring more celebrities and they have before but now more so than ever. Redbook magazine, according to an anonymous employee who reported to Douglas and Michaels, said that the magazine conducted focus groups to see which celeb would sell the best: one year it was Kathie Lee Gifford, a few years later it was Meg Ryan, also headlines with words like “a tragedy” “triump” or “a secret” or a combo sold like hotcakes. This is not to suggest people working the magazines or the celebs keeping their brand were calculating cynics, just take things with a grain of salt...

What about Regular Moms?

Let’s give up for the Joan Holloways, Trudy Campbells, Betty Drapers, Karen Wheelers, Rochelle Rocks, Debbie Eagans, Tamme Dawsons, Peggy Olsons, Megan Drapers, and Joyce Byers of the world. Who while reading this piece of treacle, are dealing with unhelpful or tired or abusive husbands or having no husband, struggle with feedings and diaper changes, with loving their babies and missing their old lives, and with having a bit of weight after baby or had to fight it off and still find that things are very different. Who had their sleep disrupted after baby and spent a good chunk of their day in curlers. The Moms who felt sick, swollen, fat, gross, un-sexy during their pregnancies or even sans pregnancy, and never had that “glow”. Basically the moms doing all they can for their kids and have their own demons to exercise and are made to feel bad by their role models; some of them didn’t have role models (like their Moms don’t understand the context of their lives).

Celebrity Mom profiles bring up the same stereotypes that plagued women like Betty Draper and Karen Wheeler: that women are all nurturing and maternal, love all children, and prefer motherhood to anything even work and are the main responsible figures. Also add the competition from consumer culture of pitting moms against moms and encouraged self-loathing in women.

To ordinary mothers of America, those of us lacking the staff of a French chateau, and the joyful outlook that goes with it, these ceaseless profiles of celebrity moms with their perfect children and perfect lives are a rebuke, a snub, and a warning. Fail to get with the program and your kids will not make the grade, your husband won’t look at you the way he used to, and, worst of all, other mothers will see you for what you are: an unworthy loser, a bad mother.

To all the Women stuck with the Second Shift, homeschooling, keeping the home afloat along with their careers during this Pandemic, thank you. Shout out to the Lois Foutleys working the front lines while they deal with their families and to the Helen Morgendorffers who wish they were at work (really, don’t let any “having a child is more important than a career” people make you feel bad). And to the essential workers like Joyce.

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victorianoir · 7 years

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The Detective and the Tech Guy Meet Baby

Another update to The Detective and the Tech Guy. Still trucking along, here. Slowly but steadily! Still haven’t read the rest of DATG? You definitely have to check out the MASTER POST. Would you rather read the story where it’s posted on fanfiction.net? You can do that HERE.

Have a good read, everyone. :)

The last time he’d been this tired was in his senior year at Stanford, when he’d stayed up ’til two in the morning studying for his final exam, then worked on some of the coding for his dad’s newest project at B.E.C. ’til the sun came out. He’d relied on a frat buddy sitting behind him to regularly kick his chair to wake him up so that he could finish the exam that day.

Chuck pushed his notebook out of the way and folded his arms on his desk, lowering his forehead to rest on his forearm and letting his eyes shut. Just five minutes, maybe, and then he could get back to work.

If this conference was going to be successful, he needed to figure out ways to sell it to sponsors. He’d thought about just fronting his own money, and a lot of it would come out of his own pocket. But he couldn’t pay for everything. Not for something this big, something this unprecedented.

It was going to be the San Diego Comic Con of underprivileged boys and girls learning about STEM.

Or at least…that was his plan.

But then there was a knock on his office door. It was a knock he recognized and it made his heart skip a beat. “Come in,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by his arms.

The door opened and there was silence for a second. And then he slowly rolled his head to the side and peeked up at his girlfriend. “Oh, hi.”

“Okay and this is why I came over here.”

He squinted. “Hmm?”

“Honestly, Chuck. You’re going to kill yourself doing this so often. Let me guess,” she said, stepping inside all the way and shutting the door behind her as she moved to the other side of his desk. “You were going to take a short nap at…” She glanced at her watch. “…almost ten o’clock. And then get right back to your work. Am I right?”

Chuck blinked. “I mean…maybe.”

She smiled, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. “Come on. We’re going.”

“How’d you know I was here?”

“I went to your place and you weren’t there. Only other options were here or some other woman’s place. And I have it on good authority said other woman is currently four hours into her sleep cycle.”

“Would that good authority happen to be Mr. Paranoia McGee?”

“If by Mr. Paranoia McGee you mean your brother-in-law, then yes. Yes, he’s my good authority. I texted her and he texted me back.”

“Sweet of him.”

“Isn’t it?”

“But as much as I love you showing up and spicing up my night,” she raised an eyebrow at that, smirking, “I’ve got a lot to figure out for the conference.” He immediately switched his brain to his work and rushed out, “What do you think about this? Tell me the truth. Back when you were a sophomore in high school, would you have wanted to go to a conference called ‘The STEM of the Future’?”

She pressed her lips together and winced. She didn’t have to answer.

“No,” he breathed. “No. W-What about just STEMCon? Keep it simple. No flowery language. Haaaa. Get it? STEM? Flowery? I’m really tired.”

“I know.” She giggled. And then she leaned over the desk and cupped his face, her hands cool against his cheeks. He nearly hummed at how nice it felt. “Let’s get out of here.” She took her hands away and stood up straight again. “You can get back to work in the morning. But I know for a fact you didn’t sleep last night. I went to sleep in an empty bed and woke up this morning in an empty bed again.”

“Well, how do you know I didn’t just go to bed later than you and wake up earlier than you?” He hadn’t. He hadn’t even touched his bed, as inviting as seeing her all wrapped up in his sheets, cuddling his side of the bed, had been. He’d just wanted to crawl in there with her. But he hadn’t. There was so much to do still.

“Because I can feel when you’re in bed with me? Even when I’m asleep?” she said, her voice lifting at the end of each sentence. “It’s a…weird…couple thing. I dunno.” She shook her head. “Come on. Get your jacket. Put your shoes on if they’re off.”

“They’re on.”

“Good. Let’s go back to your place. You can take a shower, I’ll make the martinis,” he popped his eyebrows at that, “and then we’ll drink in bed and fall asleep before midnight like old retired people who have a lot of money.”

“Can we have QVC on in the other room?”

“Mmm and an electric blanket at the end of the bed since, you know, old people are always cold.”

Chuck smirked, which turned into a chuckle. How could he say no to that? There was also the fact that his assistant had picked him up and taken him to work because Ellie borrowed his car for a road trip down to San Diego with Devon. Even though she’d come back earlier today, she still had the car parked at her condo and he was technically stranded.

He’d meant to call a cab eventually, but here was his knight in shining armor, tall and proud in her jeans and navy blue zip up sweatshirt that made her eyes look simply majestic.

But for the first time since she’d walked into his office, he actually looked at her eyes—really looked—and he saw that particular thread of tiredness there.

And it wasn’t the same tired he was experiencing. This wasn’t physical exhaustion. It was emotional, mental, spiritual. It was much deeper.

He knew why it was there, too.

Sarah Walker, P.I. needed a client. And she needed one soon. Each day that passed had her sinking further into a professional depression, as much as she tried to hide it from him.

And Chuck didn’t blame her from trying to hide it. He knew it wasn’t just that she didn’t want to confide in him. It was that she wasn’t used to confiding in people. And he knew she didn’t like pushing her troubles onto him.

He’d gladly take her troubles on his own shoulders, carry her burdens.

But instead, he pretended he didn’t see it.

For now.

And he let her grab his hand and pull him out from behind his desk. He grumbled good-naturedly and let himself be guided through the door, Sarah having reached over and snagged his jacket for him.

“Have your wallet? Keys? Car keys?”

“Ellie has my car keys.”

“Oh, yeah. She borrowed your car. Forgot.”

“God, Sarah. Get your shit together.”

She laughed, even as she pinched him on the ass, making him yelp as they walked past Chuck’s assistant’s empty desk.

The journey back to Chuck’s condo was filled with Chuck bouncing a few of his ideas about the conference off of her, since his dad had given him the order to make it his number one priority.

Finally, Chuck turned to look at his girlfriend, the streetlights flooding her face with light for just a moment every couple of seconds as they passed under them. “Why’d you go to my place earlier?”

She gave him a look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you-you said you went to my condo and I wasn’t there so you came to my office. Is something wrong? I mean, you showing up at my condo at, like, almost ten o’clock makes me feel like maybe something’s wrong.” It just occurred to him and he felt like an awful boyfriend for taking this long. He shifted in the seat, sitting up a bit straighter and turning his body towards her as best he could under the constraints of his seatbelt.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, smiling and looking over at him. “Can’t a girl go to her boy’s place after nine o’clock on a Thursday night?”

“Sure she can,” he said with a shrug. “You know you can show up any damn time you feel like it. I just mean…it’s a little later than you usually come over.”

“What if it was a booty call?”

He choked a little. “Was it?”

“Nah.” She shook her head, the smirk dying a little as the seconds went by. “Simpler than that and a little less X-Rated. I just wanted to see you, I guess.”

“Okay, first of all…the fact that you gave our potential sex an X-rating is super hot. Secondly, ‘I just wanted to see you, I guess’ isn’t always entirely believable.” He winced, afraid she’d lash out at him for insinuating she was lying about her needs.

She didn’t, though. She just sighed.

They finally pulled into his extra space in his building’s garage and climbed out of the car.

When Sarah shut her car door, she spoke again. “I’m telling the truth,” she finally said. “I did want to see you. But it was because I needed to.”

“Needed to?” They walked into the elevator arm in arm and he pushed the button for his floor. “I repeat, did something happen?”

She rolled her eyes—more at herself than at him, he thought—and leaned against the railing next to him. “No, nothing happened. And that’s the problem.”

Ah. Yes. So he was sort of right.

“I’ve spent too much money for getting only one damn client. And while my paycheck was nice and sizable, I need more.”

“Well, I know some peop—”

“No.”

“But—”

“No.”

He held his hands up. “Okay, fine. But I was thinking last night while I was not-sleeping—”

“Aha!” She pointed at him. “You didn’t sleep. What’d I tell you?”

“Fine. You got me. I didn’t sleep last night. But I was thinking, Sarah. You gotta let me work on your website.”

“No—”

“Seriously. I could show you how to market to the right people. Less corny business hack, more Hercules Poirot.” She gave him a flat look and he sighed. “With the website you have now, it’s very simple, simple colors, simple layout, not a whole lot of information or links to click…And the phone number is kinda…clunky.” Her flat look was starting to get miffed but he continued on, pretending he didn’t see it. She needed his help, after all. “It looks a lot like those commercials on TV for lawyers who you can call when you get into a car accident and some peasant law student ends up as your lawyer in court for all the money you cough up.”

“Are you saying my website makes me look like a con artist?” She lifted an eyebrow.

“What? No, no! No. I’m just saying, there’s a way you can make it look less…”

“Unprofessional.” She crossed her arms, her jaw clenching. Woops.

“Not that, no. But B.E.C. has a killer rad website. Which I’m sure you looked at when you were first assigned to our case, It’s killer rad, right?” She didn’t answer, and he could tell she wasn’t exactly happy with him. “I’ve got some of the best marketing pros working for me. They all love you. They think you’re great. They’d totally help. You can work with them and get your site looking super professional, like you’ve been doing this for years. Which you have! Just…not on your own, you know?” he reasoned, holding the elevator doors for her.

They finally stepped into his condo and Sarah’s frown hadn’t subsided.

“Did I offend you?” he asked with a wince as he turned on the lights and shut his door. “I offended you, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to. I’m just trying to help.”

“No,” she sighed. “You didn’t offend me. I am not a marketing expert. I know I’m not. And my site isn’t great. I know that, too. But I have to figure this stuff out on my own.”

“But I can help. People can help.”

“I will let you know when I need your help, Chuck. Okay?”

He couldn’t help being confused. What did it matter if her boyfriend sat down with one of his marketing associates and figured out how best to work her site to make it playable to professionals who needed professional investigating?

Why was she so resistant about receiving help?

It didn’t make sense. He knew she was independent, self-reliant. But he kept forgetting that he didn’t entirely know all there was to know about her. He didn’t know her background. She went to Harvard for law school and left for Pinkerton. He’d picked up on that much. And not even because she’d outwardly told him.

He knew absolutely nothing about her parents, where they were, if they were anywhere. Did she have parents?

“Sarah, it’s not really…” He cleared his throat when she gave him a look. It was the look that would usually make him stop asking, stop pushing. But he kept going. It was important. He wouldn’t be muzzled tonight. “It’s not that big of a deal, having someone help with your website. It’s not your specialty. Investigating, being a bad ass, finding bad dudes and ladies, arresting them, saving lives…that’s your specialty. You need someone with a marketing talent to—”

“Chuck, I don’t need help. I’ll fix the website if it needs touching up. But I’ve got it.”

“I’m just giving you advice. I’ve been watching and working for my dad all this time, and I know how businesses get off the ground. Good marketing is key.”

“I don’t want advice right now. Okay?” There was an edge to her voice as she toed her shoes off and walked down the steps towards the bar. “I’ll start making the martinis. You shower and get comfortable.”

“Sarah…” He followed her but stayed a few feet away. “I know you don’t think you need help. But…when you do, I’m here.”

“Okay.”

She dug around in the cabinet at the bar, very obviously done with the conversation.

Chuck felt the sting of it as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Sorry I even brought it up then. I’ll, uh, go take my shower.”

And he left her side, heading for the shower. It was going to be a long one. He needed it to be a long one. Because he didn’t want to be angry when he got out again.

Her resistance to his help made him mad. Not knowing why she resisted made him mad. Her innate ability to cut him off and make him feel in the wrong for even asking questions made him mad.

So he stepped into the spray of the shower and let it flood over him, standing there for a while, making his mind go blank.

The air felt charged with words that needed to be said when he came back down again, seeing her sitting on the couch with both martinis on the table in front of her.

Her blue eyes lifted to watch him approach. There was regret in her pretty features then as she lowered her gaze to her lap for a second, rubbing a hand down her jeans. “Hey, um…”

Sarah stood and walked around the table to stand in front of him. “I’m sorry.” She winced. “This agency—It-It has to be my own work, you know? I-I need this to be all me. Even the tiny things. Otherwise it-it doesn’t feel real, you know?”

He nodded, still not really understanding her logic. What was so wrong about asking for help, or accepting it when it was given? He had so many resources that were hers to use if only she asked him.

“I didn’t mean for it to be an argument,” he said, furrowing his brow.

“I didn’t mean to make it into one. Just—You get it, right? I don’t need help. I’ve got to do this. Just me.”

Chuck nodded again, even though he didn’t get it, even though none of this was sitting right, even though he still felt the tension. “Yeah,” was all he could give her.

And it seemed to be enough for her as she smiled softly at him, which was…a little annoying. All he’d said was yeah and it wasn’t even enthusiastic or particularly genuine, but she accepted it and was ready to move on.

He was trying to be okay with her emotional hang-ups, trying to understand, but it was getting harder, the more time went on without him really knowing anything concrete about her background, her past, what she’d been through. He felt like he didn’t know anything.

But tonight wasn’t the time to drudge all of that up.

So he did what he thought would calm him down, the thing he knew always did wonders for him when he was tense or unsettled.

He leaned in, stroked his fingers down her cheek softly, and kissed her, just as softly.

It did the job. The unsettled feeling in him settled, and when her arms went around his neck, while he didn’t feel like the tension was gone, he did feel their connection, the one that made all of this seem trivial. He was upset, but she was still his, and he was hers. No matter what happened between them, there was always that.

She finally pulled away, looking glad that they had cleared it up even though he didn’t entirely feel like they had, and she reached down to pick up their martinis.

“So, these won’t be as good as if you’d made them, since no one can make a martini like you do,” she said with a wink as he plucked one of the martinis from her fingers, “but a martini is a martini, right?”

He held his up for her to clink hers against, and when she did, he brought it to his lips and sipped it, smacking his lips, narrowing his eyes. “Nope, that’s pretty damn good. Well done, Walker.”

“Yessssss!” She did an excited fist pump and he nearly let the rest of tonight’s baggage slide, it was so damned cute. “Success.” She sipped hers and hummed. “It’s good, but I prefer yours.”

“Just because you like kicking your feet up and watching while I do the work,” he sassed with a teasing smirk.

“No!” she argued, slipping her hand into his and guiding him back to the stairs. “Although, the view is really nice.”

“Are you referring to my bum?”

“I am,” she giggled, and she led him up the stairs to the bedroom.

——————

Chuck yawned widely as he stared at his computer screen. STEMCon was what he’d settled on. He just couldn’t figure out if he wanted a space between STEM and Con, or if he wanted to smash the words together.

Either way, there was the small matter of getting enough people together who could be on panels, who could lead workshops. He had to find a way to get the technology there, to get sponsors there, and to figure out just how many tablets, laptops, jump drives, and other pieces of tech he’d need for the students.

He huffed in frustration and sat back against his chair, looking at the ceiling and groaning to himself.

It didn’t help that he wasn’t feeling very inspired today. All day, he’d been bothered by how strained the morning was when he’d woken up next to Sarah. Like their little make-up talk after his shower had just been an armistice.

Her smiles were tentative, her mien distracted. He’d kissed her and sped off to work, wanting to leave the tense atmosphere as quickly as possible.

She’d offered to make him breakfast but he’d feigned having an early meeting, which he’d then felt guilty about. When had he ever run away from her and not spent as much time with her as possible?

He needed to get over it. He was dating a woman who had some struggles with feelings. So she was a little closed-off sometimes, but…so were a lot of people. Just because he wasn’t that way, didn’t mean he should project his own personality onto her.

He just had to be there for her when she needed him. Just like she always was when he needed her.

Feeling a bit better, but also wanting to call her and talk to her, he picked up his phone. He wanted to tell her…

He didn’t know what he’d tell her. So he set his phone back down.

And just when he did, the door to his office slammed open. His mom stood there, his concerned assistant standing wide-eyed behind her.

“Chuck, it’s time!”

He smiled a little, amused. “What are you—? Oh!” The smile died and he jumped to his feet so violently that his chair tipped. “Oh! Oh my God. Is it Ellie?”

“What else?!” his mom snarked, her face pinched in unease and nerves. “Come on, hurry up. We need to get to the hospital.”

His mind flooded with thoughts of Sarah. He needed to get to her, she needed to be there, he needed her to share in this.

He grabbed his cell phone and coat, shrugging it on, shutting down his computer. “Adisa?”

His assistant perked up. “I got it, Chuck. Cancel all of your meetings for at least today. Just keep us all updated on what’s going on with Ellie.”

“I absolutely will.” He thumped the younger man on the back. “Thanks, Adisa. I’ll keep you posted.” Then he turned to his mom as they swept out into the hallway. “Did Ellie call you?”

“She texted your dad. He’s already on his way to the hospital from his meeting in Anaheim. Now come on! I’ve got the car out front.”

“I’ll drive. We’re getting Sarah on the way to the hospital. ”

His mother stalled behind him. “She can meet us there.”

“No. She can’t. We’re picking her up.”

“We’re not going out of the way to pick up your girlfriend, Charles! Your sister is in labor!” she snapped as she continued to follow him through the hallway to the elevator.

They climbed in and Chuck clenched his jaw, wanting to keep from snapping at his mom on this day of all days.

The doors opened again on the ground floor.

“Charles. Are you listening to me?”

Chuck spun on his mom and snagged the car keys from her hand, holding them up. “I’ve got the keys. If you have a problem with picking Sarah up on the way to the hospital, you can call a Lyft.”

He saw he’d won almost immediately. His mother would never Lyft or Uber. Not even to avoid being in the car with Sarah Walker, the woman she’d apparently taken offense to for some stupid reason.

The drive to Sarah’s office was quick, and honestly it was a toss-up as to whether or not she’d even be there in the first place. He knew she tried to keep a schedule, going to her office as many days during the week as she could. He knew she worked there even if she could do the same work from home.

He was surprised when his mom got out of the car with him once they’d screeched to a halt at the curb in front of Sarah’s office building. But he paid her no mind as he rushed into the building and climbed into the old-fashioned elevator.

Once they reached Sarah’s floor and started down the hallway, he spotted the light shining through the door of her agency and knew she was there. Relieved, he hurried his step even more, hearing his mom huff and puff behind him.

And then he burst into Sarah’s agency, a little breathless himself as he rushed through the small lobby and stopped in the threshold to her personal office.

She was on the floor with papers spread all around her, her eyes wide as she looked up at him. “Chuck! What—? What’s going on?”

He frowned at the mess, knowing she wasn’t typically the messy type. And she looked down to follow his gaze. “Oh. Um, yeah. This. I was sorting my paperwork to file it so that I know where everything is. I can find it easier that way, you know?”

“Well, we gotta go,” he said, nodding in understanding. He watched Sarah’s eyes fall on his mother who stood at his shoulder, and he could see she was embarrassed the older woman was seeing this mess. It made his chest ache in a good way, and in a bad way. Mostly bad.

“What do you mean, we gotta go? For what? What’s happened?”

“Ellie’s in labor.”

Her blue eyes popped, shining brightly as she jumped to her feet and clasped her hands together. “Oh, my God. It’s happening?”

“Yeah.” He let out a breathless chuckle and felt the beginning of tears. He just barely blinked them away as Sarah closed the distance and cupped his face in her hands. “I’m gonna be an uncle.”

The tension and strain that had been there this morning wasn’t in the room anymore. There was nothing between them but the deep affection and sweeping adoration that had always been there. And then she moved up to the tip toes of her pumps and kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her and chuckled into the kiss, fighting the emotions, clinging to her.

When he heard the loud “AHEM” behind him, he pulled Sarah even closer, and as amused as he could tell Sarah was by the move, she was the one who pulled back, blushing in spite of everything.

“Let’s go,” she breathed, sliding her hand into his.

He had half a mind to ask if she needed to put any of this away, but she seemed so unconcerned by it as she rushed past him and snagged her coat, shrugging it on and pulling her hair out of the collar, that he shut his mouth and ushered his mom out.

Sarah took only a moment to lock up and then they were in the elevator, running out of the building, climbing into his mom’s car, and speeding the rest of the way to the hospital.

——————

Sarah followed Chuck and his mom through the maze-like hospital and turned the corner, stopping a little at the sight.

The hallway was crowded with well-wishers who’d heard about Ellie Woodcomb’s momentous news. All of them were dressed in scrubs or wearing doctor’s coats.

They were patting an overwhelmed Devon on the back, grabbing his hand and shaking it vigorously, and then leaving to go back to work.

His blue eyes lifted to see his brother-in-law and mother-in-law walking towards him and he beamed.

Without either of them saying a single word, Sarah watched Chuck and Devon embrace the way she imagined brothers might. Devon thumped her boyfriend on the back a few times and pulled away, then let loose with that booming laugh. “Dude. Awesome. And terrifying. But awesome.”

Chuck just laughed and grabbed him by the biceps. “What are you doing out here, man? Get in there with Ellie.”

“Y-Yeah. I’m—Well, she actually, um, she kicked me out.” He switched his gaze to Mary and immediately moved around his brother-in-law to sweep her up in a tight hug. It was obviously not what she was expecting as she let out an awkward “Oh” and held onto his shoulders with a wide-eyed, confused look.

When he set her down again, he called her “Grandma” and the slight look of begrudging amusement fell to a stony look. It almost made Sarah laugh.

But then Devon had her wrapped up in a tight, strong hug. “Congratulations,” she said, her voice a little strangled since she couldn’t exactly breathe. She had to resist getting misty when he pulled away and exhaled softly, dragging a hand down his face.

“Hey, what do you mean Ellie kicked you out?” Chuck asked.

“Um…I was kind of…” He winced. “Spiraling.”

Chuck let out a laugh and shook his head. “Come on, man. What’s got you spiraling?”

“Besides my wife pushing a living breathing baby out of her womb? Um, and the fact that I forgot my Push-Mix at home? And the comfy little pillow thing I bought that you put behind her head to make giving labor easier? Yeah, that’s at home, too.”

Sarah watched as the younger of the two men put his hands on Devon’s shoulders, meeting his gaze solidly. “Awesome, you’re awesome. Remember? I don’t call you the captain of awesome for nothing. You don’t need music. You don’t need a dumb little pillow. Ellie definitely doesn’t need those things. Pull yourself together and get back in there. She needs you. Not Captain Spiraling. Captain Awesome.” He saluted the blonde with a military flourish and Sarah melted a bit.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” Devon’s features became steely and determined, and he stood up straighter, like an Olympic statue or something. Or maybe a superhero. Considering what she knew about Chuck’s brother-in-law, he was a bit of a superhero, wasn’t he? “Thanks, bro. I’ll see you all on the other side.”

He turned and walked away from them, meeting one of the delivery nurses at the swinging doors and letting her deck him out in his surgical gown, handing him a cap. Then they disappeared inside.

Sarah heard Mary let out a stressed huff of air, and as she watched the almost-grandmother out of the corner of her eye, she saw the worried slump in her shoulders.

“Ellie’s strong,” Chuck said, looking over his shoulder. “We’ll meet Clara soon, I have no doubt of it.”

“She’s a bad ass,” Sarah added, a little breathless. “Seriously.”

She spun on her heels when she heard footsteps rushing down the hallway. Morgan was practically a tornado, sprinting towards them. Sarah caught Stephen walking a safe distance behind him, shaking his head in amusement, holding a large bag of something, and…for the first time since she’d met him…ever…wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a sweatshirt, and a dusty old baseball cap. It was…kind of nice, seeing him like that.

“Is she okay? Is she alright? Am I late?” Morgan rushed. He grabbed Sarah’s arms, since she was closest to him. “Oh my God, I’m gonna be an uncle!”

Mary scoffed and rolled her eyes, though she seemed amused at the same time.

Chuck made a high pitched, doubtful “mmmmm” sound over Sarah’s shoulder that made her giggle.

“Morgan, she’s fine. She’s probably still in the contractions phase,” she explained, patting his shoulder.

“So I can’t hold Clara yet…is what you’re saying.”

“No, buddy. Not yet,” Chuck explained.

He sighed and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Man. When Sarah called me, I was sure it meant she was already here. Clara, I mean. I left in the middle of an onion volcano.” His eyes widened. “Oh, crap. I need to call Jing and make sure my restaurant didn’t burn down!”

As he scurried off, he nearly ran into Stephen, but somehow managed to divert his trajectory into the wall. “I’M OKAY!” he bellowed as he pulled his cell out and scampered around the corner again.

“You can always count on Grimes to add levity into any situation,” Stephen said as he walked up to them and lifted the bag. “I bought a bunch of snacks, both healthy and unhealthy. If Eleanor’s anything like her mother, we might be here awhile.”

“I did not take that long,” his wife argued, smiling at him.

“Welllll…” His shrug looked a lot like the one she’d seen plenty of times from his son.

His wife smacked his shoulder.

Morgan chose that moment to come back around the corner. “It’s still standing! All is well!! And I only got a little bit of boiling oil on one of our customers. So we’re good.”

“Uhhhhh…” Sarah felt Chuck slide his arm around her shoulders. “Buddy, that’s not exactly…” He stopped when she elbowed him in the side. “Never mind.”

Just then, they heard, “Mr. Bartowski? Which one of you is Ellie’s father?”

They all turned as one to face the nurse who’d crept up on them. Everyone turned their heads to look at Stephen. “Uh, th-that’s me. I’m the dad. Well, no. The mom’s dad. The grandpa.” Sarah wondered if it was the first time he’d said it out loud, because he looked a little choked up for a second.

“Oh. Good. One person is allowed in the room with her—besides the husband. At least for right now. And she asked for you.”

There was an awkward silence then. And Sarah told herself not to look at Mary. Don’t look don’t look.

She looked. She couldn’t help it. Everyone had turned to face the older woman.

And she looked like she’d been kicked in the gut. But then she slid a mask over the hurt and raised her eyebrows, folding her hands together and looking away.

“Uh…alright. Yeah. I’m comin’.” He passed the bag of snacks to Morgan and thanked him, then slipped past his wife. Sarah spotted the way he put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. And then he disappeared with the nurse.

The uncomfortable silence continued for at least a minute, until Chuck spoke up. It was like someone had pulled a plug and his voice spilled out. “I just realized I haven’t had my coffee today. I’m getting a coffee. Anybody else want one?”

“I do.” She looked up at him.

“Great. Anybody else?” Mary didn’t even acknowledge he’d spoken and Morgan shook his head slowly. “Kay, here I go.”

“I’m coming, too.”

“Okay.”

And Chuck and Sarah strolled down the hallway as she slipped her hand into his, squeezing tightly the entire way until they stepped into the elevator and he pressed the button for the food court. When the doors shut, they both exhaled and Sarah slumped against his shoulder.

“She did it to herself.”

Sarah raised her eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

“It’s true. Hate to be harsh, but it’s true. My mom’s the leader of the smear campaign against Ellie’s husband slash the father of her child. She really expects Ellie to want her in there with her after these years of tension and disagreements? I’m sure Ellie’s thinking about the time my mom told her Devon wasn’t allowed in our family home. Well? Now my mom isn’t allowed in the delivery room. Bam.”

“Yeah.” Sarah paused. “I’m not exactly your mom’s biggest fan…” The doors opened and they stepped out into the hallway, moving towards the food court. “And she’s definitely not mine—”

“Nope! That’s my title.” He grinned toothily and she rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“But I felt really awful for her up there. She looked like she’d been punched in the stomach. Did you see her face? She was really hurt.”

“I know.” He shrugged. “She needs to be nicer to people. She’s alienated her own daughter because of this paranoia about people using her children to get to our money. Ellie’s not even in the family business. Both Ellie and Devon have massive salaries as surgeons. Her issues with him are completely illogical.”

Sarah nodded as they got in line at the coffee shop in the corner of the food court. She didn’t voice it, but she couldn’t help thinking that while Ellie wasn’t a part of the family business, Chuck was. He was Stephen’s heir. And while Mary’s distrust of Devon was unfounded, it was less so as far as Sarah was concerned. She was the one faltering in getting her private investigation agency off the ground, dating a man who was worth more money than honestly any one person should be worth.

They each got the largest size of coffee, black, and she pushed in front of Chuck to pay. He made a sound of protest but she ignored him, exchanging a quick smile with the young barista.

As they stepped aside to wait for their drinks, Sarah grabbed a handful of sugar packets and subtly slipped them into her pocket. Chuck gave her a weird look. “What? We’re going to be here for awhile. I might need all of this sugar.”

He chuckled and gave her a one armed hug, kissing the top of her head. “I love you.”

“You better. …the shit I put up with,” she teased, and he chuckled again.

They got their coffees and moved to a corner table that was away from others, sitting across from one another and staying in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping their hot brew, people watching.

“You know what really gets me?” She lifted her gaze to his face as he squinted off to the side thoughtfully. “Devon was probably in there advocating for my mom to Ellie.”

Sarah smiled and nodded. “I’m sure he was.”

And then she watched closely as he lowered his gaze to his cup and furrowed his brow thoughtfully. “Sarah…?”

“What?” She tilted her head as his eyes swept back up to meet hers. And then she felt a spike of nerves at the way he bit his lip and let her see a half-wince. She knew the look well. He was definitely about to address something he thought she’d be less than enthused about. And if it was what she feared it might be about, he’d be right.

“I just want to…” He licked his lips and sighed. “This morning, there was still some…tension. Between us. From last night, I mean.”

A bit of a mask slid over her features and she caught herself. There were still things she had to teach herself. Like how not to immediately close up to avoid conflict. That specific reaction was her. It was how she dealt with things. It was what she was used to. But she didn’t try to pretend everything was fine or brush it off the way she might have months and months ago, in the very beginning. She was upfront and candid with him, instead. Honest. Open.

Because she trusted him with all of it. Everything.

“I know there was,” she said. “I’ll take some responsibility for that. I could feel last night that you really didn’t get what I was saying and you were just agreeing because you didn’t want a fight. And while I appreciated that because I also didn’t want to fight, I couldn’t get it out of my head this morning and it made things…” She sighed. “Tense.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, and he slowly slid his hand across the table towards hers. She reached out and met him halfway, their fingers intwined. “I honestly…I’m trying to understand and let it go. It’s something I’ll have to work at and kind of, I dunno…” He shrugged. “Remind myself, I guess?”

“I don’t get why it’s so hard for you to understand,” she said, leaning in and squeezing his fingers in hers. And she was genuinely confused. Why was it so difficult for him to let her do all of this on her own? Why was he so offended by her need to start her business without anyone else’s assistance?

Chuck huffed, nibbling his lip, looking troubled. She wanted to reach across the table and rub a finger over the wrinkles between his brow, iron them out, see that clear, happy look of his again. “I don’t know. I’m—I have this thing, maybe, that I feel like I need to help everyone. Ellie said I’m always trying to save the world. It sounds like a good trait, but it isn’t really. It’s…I don’t know what it is.” Before she could respond, he rushed on. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I am. I truly don’t mean to butt in so much.” He gently stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. “I just care. A lot. About you. About your dreams. About…all of this working out for you. Your happiness and success. And it just seems like such a simple thing, getting my people to help you make your website more accessible for potential clients, and, you know, marketing your services.”

“That’s just it, Chuck. It is a simple thing. It feels like I’m taking the easy way out.” Like she was too dependent. And being dependent was never a good thing. She’d learned that the hard way. Too many times. “I don’t want that feeling. I want to know this is all stuff I got for myself, on my own, that I get to a successful place through my own hard work,” she emphasized.

It didn’t occur to her to tell him why, because deep down, she wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was all of the times she’d been burned when she’d relied on others for help. The only times she hadn’t been burned were when she allowed herself to take the reins, when she pushed others out and handled her life on her own. This wasn’t about Chuck, this was about her. This was about her needing to know that she was capable, yes, but more than that, she couldn’t let herself depend on others. She couldn’t let that be the narrative around her success again. Because the resulting fall had been catastrophic for her family and she just couldn’t let it happen again. She couldn’t let it ruin this.

But she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t find her voice. And so much was happening today that was important. His sister was having her baby. Nobody had time for this intense, deep conversation.

“I can get behind that, Sarah,” he said. “That’s one of the things I struggle with working for the family business. This wasn’t something I worked hard for. This is all my dad’s. It’s his legacy.” He huffed. “And it gets to me sometimes. So I understand your wanting to know you succeeded on your own, without help.”

“Chuck, it isn’t like you just sit around all day and milk B.E.C.’s money like a Hilton child or something. You work harder than anyone I know. I had to rescue you last night because you worked through the night before and you were falling asleep at your desk,” she argued, reaching over with her other hand and clasping it over both of their hands on the top of the table. “Sorry, I know that isn’t the point of what you were saying. I just…I don’t like the idea of you thinking you didn’t earn this, like you haven’t worked your ass off to be successful. A corporation is not an easy thing to maintain, Chuck.”

His eyes widened a little, and then he chuckled softly. She was warmed by the affection as his features softened. “Thanks for that. Didn’t realize I needed it until you said it.”

Sarah gave him a one shoulder shrug. “S’what I’m here for. Amongst other things,” she tacked on with a head tilt.

“I know. And I appreciate that. But I’m also here for you. And…” He took a deep breath. “And I understand if this particular area is not a thing you want me to be here for. I mean, I don’t—I don’t get why. But I guess I don’t need to…I mean, I don’t need to know the why to still be able to support your decision.”

She felt the slow smile stretch over her lips, and it was laced with a bit of a pout because that was easily the most supportive and thoughtful thing anybody had ever said to her.

“I’m sorry if I’m butting in or being pushy about this. I just love you. I care a lot. And I know I can help. But if you don’t want it…” He pulled his hand out of both of hers and held his arms up by his head in surrender. “I get that. I won’t push anymore. As long as you remember I’m here. When you need me.”

“I do need you,” she rushed out. She could still see he was hurt by her insistence he let her tackle her business alone, and she needed him not to take it personally. She needed to erase the hurt he was trying to hide behind that warm smile of his.

“C’mere,” she breathed, making grabby hands across the table until he gave her his hands. She took them and squeezed, making sure she had his full attention before she continued. “Chuck, I do need you. I need you for so many things on a daily basis. I’ve always needed you. Even when I was here working on your dad’s case—on your case—I would find myself at your office or at your condo at the end of a long day and…” She huffed, shaking her head. “I managed to convince everybody—even myself—that it was because I was doing protection detail, checking on you, making sure you were safe. And yeah, that was part of it. But it was mostly that I needed to end my days with…Well, with you.” She felt her cheeks redden, heat coming up from the collar of her blouse. But she kept going. “You made me feel good. About myself. About…life in general. It was just nice being reminded that someone like you exists in a world that can sometimes be full of hatred and greed and corruption. You’d make me laugh or you’d just…you’d look at me in ways nobody had ever looked at me before.”

Sarah shook herself a little and giggled. “I know it’s sappy but I also know you love sappy, so…”

He grinned and squeezed her hands. “My insides currently feel like sunshine.”

That made her laugh, shaking her head at him. “Sap.”

“You, too!” he accused.

“Yep. And I’ll fully own that right now.” She nodded emphatically. “And if I needed you then, you have to know, it’s gotten so much worse ever since. It’s not just that I need you for martinis, though that’s a big one.” He chuckled. “Anytime I make a misstep or I…fall on my face…” She rolled her eyes and huffed. “Which is going to happen a lot with this agency, I can just see it…I’m going to need your support.”

“You’ll have it. You know that,” he answered quickly and easily.

“I know,” she said. And she did know. “You give me confidence in so many things every day, Chuck Bartowski. In you. In us. In life. In myself. I need that. I will accept and cherish your help everywhere else. But in this, it has to be me. It’s very important to me that this is my achievement. If it ends up being an achievement and not a colossal failure,” she said with a wince.

“I get it. And I’m ten thousand percent ready to be here for you in whatever ways you need me to be. However, wherever, whenever, whatever. Whyever?” He made a face and she let out a bubbly giggle. “Not whomever, though.”

“No.” She shook her head in faux seriousness.

“I only really know how to be myself.”

“Okay, Chuck, I got it.”

“Yeeeeah.” He wrinkled his nose and they laughed together. “I’m glad we had this talk.”

“Me, too. And…And can we please continue to be open and honest with each other like this? And not do what we both did last night slash this morning? The tiptoeing and pretending there wasn’t tension in the room. It felt…”

“Gross?”

“Yes.”

“We absolutely can be open and honest with each other like this. Yes. Please. I’d prefer it.”

“Good.”

“Good,” he repeated, and then he leaned over the table towards her. She met him halfway, kissing him deeply, lifting a hand to the back of his head and taking her time tasting the coffee on his lips.

If they could both just keep to that promise, she knew they’d be all right. Everything would be all right.

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beautifulramblingbrains · 7 years

Text

Bound By Chains - Chapter 20

Pairing: Eric/OC Fandom: Divergent Rating: M - This story will continually portray sensitive subjects. Trigger warning.

She’s bound to a monster. And he has personality issues.

A/N: Thanks to everyone for the continuous support/messages/asks. It means the world.

Tags: (If you want on or off the list, just ask/PM)

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This is anger,

Sarah finally decides while hidden beneath the shadows of the archlike corridors. Her hands tremble by her sides, face flushing almost instantly at the sight.

There on the other side of the pit, she watches Wayne flirt, touch, and lean in dangerously close to another woman. From his body language and the way she’s acting, there is more to it. The piercing shriek of the woman’s laughter cuts through Sarah’s body and by now she’s had enough, turning away from his wandering eager hands, pawing all over another person and not her sister.

She felt physically sick for Mary. Mary who didn’t know, but a Mary who had messaged when apparently she hadn’t heard from Wayne for days and wondered if there was a problem. God damn right there was a problem.

Sarah turns a little too hastily, almost walking straight into Four who had crept up behind her. “Oh, my god! You scared the life out of me.”

He snorts, trying to hide his smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Another loud shriek of laughter has Sarah frowning out into the crowd. “Wayne Tulver. Now that’s a fine specimen.”

“He’s nothing but an insect.”

Four cocks his head, “I know he’s been with your sister a lot. Must hurt to see this.”

“I’m becoming numb to the surprises of Dauntless. No wonder they are the warrior faction.”

“Congratulations.” Sarah’s brow puckers, not at him but riled from everything happening in front of her. “-On the baby.” Four grimaces when Sarah quickly folds her jacket over the top of her continuously protruding stomach, feeling somewhat guilty now that he had mentioned it.

“Thanks.” For a minute they stand in silence, staring out together, till eventually Sarah clears her throat. “I better go. I can’t watch this anymore. I’ve seen enough.”

“Sarah, wait…” Four turns, diverting his eyes, something Sarah had finally tried to push from her everyday demeanor. Going head to head with Eric every day; the floor would become very boring. “I just wanted to say to take care…” Sarah stares at him a little while, her lips parting a fraction, trying to suss him out. “…to be careful.”

“I’m perfectly well.”

“It’s Eric I’m talking about. I shouldn’t really say anything, but I can’t, not when-” Four motions to her stomach. “there is a child involved.”

“Eric would kill you for this conversation we are about to have.” Surprise creeps up on Four’s face. “If you think for a second I’m blind to what Eric is capable of, think again. If you think I haven’t seen the happenings between factions and the side mishandlings of situations, you may as well have called me a fool.” However, her words aren’t malicious, and she tenderly touches his shoulder. “Thank you for your concern, Four.”

The petite blonde then walks away without another word, leaving Four in his thoughts staring out after her. The Abnegation was learning, she was smart, smarter than he had originally thought. Now he saw what Clair saw. What they all saw.

Potential.

The choice of food was detestable but however inedible, convenient.

Sarah flips the fatty looking pork, suddenly feeling incredibly full and decides to eat only the small selection of carrots and green beans.

“No, eat the meat as well.” Eric claps her on the back lightly, then swings his leg over the bench imposingly close to her.

“Have you seen that meat?” She cringes, probing it with her fork. “Anyway, I need to speak with you.”

“Oh, please, please don’t let it be another work based, unimportant, minor question about whether or not the office furniture is ineptly placed, I can’t take it.” She had never said anything like that in her life. He was mocking her, and she knows so because Eric smirks.

Regardless of Eric’s uncontrollable night terrors, he had been somewhat more cautious and softer with her in the day. Maybe trying to make some palpable way to make it up to her, or disguise the fact he was still suffering. Eric was the master at pretending his problems didn’t exist.

“Actually, it’s nothing to do with work.”

Eric puts a piece in his mouth and chews, his face slowly begins scrunching up, his chewing suddenly hesitant. “You’re fucking right, it’s disgusting.”

“I told you.” Sarah begins snorting, then full on laughing behind her hand as he openly shows his disgust, “You’ve gone really pale.”

“I’m so close to heaving right now,” Eric mutters, deadly serious. Eventually, he swallows. “Need to look into that today, whoever is cooking this shit.” He’s scouring the table for a drink.

“Here, eat this, cover the taste.” Sarah holds up a floppy green bean while still giggling, and shoves it towards him. Oddly, he does, in fact, eat it.

Even if Eric looked pale and their relationship had been come and go, she does notice how handsome he is while casually sitting next to her. Especially while not so stressed as usual. His hair had recently been cut, the sides impossibly short and left with an easily manageable length on top. Nothing fussy like when she had first met him. There was only a shadowing of his facial hair, his complexion clear. The thought was amusing that perhaps he got a more manageable haircut for becoming a dad, preparing himself already.

“You’re staring again.”

“No, I was thinking… I’m really angry.”

“Yeah, you really look it.”

“You distracted me. But I am really angry. I saw Wayne-“

“Sarah, don’t. I’m not getting involved in your younger sister's problems.”

“But Wayne hasn’t spoken to her, nor given her any idea why-“

“You want the truth? The truth hurts,” Eric says while grabbing a bread roll.

“Something would be nice.”

“Why does any man suddenly stop talking to someone they have been chasing for weeks?” Sarah shrugs. Of course, she wouldn’t know and he sighs in pain of her virtue. “…They got what they wanted.”

“You mean?...oh my god…” Unwelcome flashing images of Wayne and Mary together haunt the back of her mind, suddenly reddening her cheeks.

“It’s for the best. You don’t want her in a relationship with him, do you?” Sarah shakes her head and he nudges her leg with his. “She learned the hard way.”

“It’s going to destroy her.” Eric’s too busy shoving food into his face and she gives a long sigh, still mad, but something else clouding her thoughts.

“So…” she draws out, glancing at the table, “…that means you didn’t get what you wanted. And still haven’t…from me…”

There’s only the slightest pause in his movements and he cocks his head to the side. “Are you flirting with me?” Sarah’s cheeks turn a whole other shade of pink and he moves closer.

“No…you just said…”

“I know exactly what I said. Are you looking for me to compliment you? Tell you how important you are to my life? How I can’t live without you?” Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, he watches her tongue dart out, moistening her lips, exactly as he’d predicted. Eric moves closer till their noses almost touch, forgetting exactly how publicly noticeable they were.

“You know I hate compliments.”

“And you know I hate lying to you.” Eric moves his body to shroud them, her own turned towards him with his hands somewhere in her hair, gripping the back of her neck, the only thing keeping her from melting into the seat.

Sarah had missed him like this. The ever-knowing Dauntless Leader. Quick thinking. Alert. A few days ago she couldn’t stand to be within a few feet of him, now, she wanted nothing more than to have his hands against her skin. It had been a while since affection had been either one of their priorities. Not even comforting words had been shared.

Eric had nightmares. Eric didn’t sleep. Eric was obnoxious in the day. That’s how the usual scenario played out. She just wanted something.

Those blue oceanic eyes swim between his as she asks in a whisper, “Lie to me.”

“Why would I lie to you?” Sarah can’t answer while caught under his attentions, and he knows, using his thumb to pull on her bottom lip. “I can’t live without you.”

“Now don’t lie to me.”

“I can’t live without you.” He smirks, closing the small distance, kissing her publicly for the first time. But the moment their lips touch, quickly the moment is gone as he pulls back, still with that all-knowing gleam to his mouth. He watches Sarah's face twist and she puts a hand on her stomach. “He’s moving?”

“I think he heard your voice,” Sarah says shyly, her chin tucked down, comforting herself with dainty fingers swirling over the material of her dress.

Eric continues to watch her, the way she holds herself too maturely, wiser than many other girls her age. He would almost be daring to say motherly.

There were many things that always grabbed his attention, causing him to pause at her appearance that little while longer than necessary. But at least he was a little more subtle about it and not caught outright staring like she usually would be. However, watching her now, he was sure he would never forget these small instances, burying them deep within his memory to recall at a more troubling time. But doting moments like this always came with backlash and guilt; something that had been gracing him more often than he liked. And that’s what forces his next words. “I’m not going to the gym tonight. I’ll be home early.”

“Oh.”

“Did you have plans?”

“I was going to look at a few baby things, you know. It’s typical, I only decided this morning. I didn’t know you were going to be home.” She’s still keeping her eyes downcast, flattening imaginary creases from her skirt.

“If I can get off earlier I’ll join you.” Sarah smiles faintly on his words but doesn’t keep her hopes up.

The only tailor shop in Dauntless is exactly how she had expected. The choice was minimal, the clothes for children shoved at the back of the small shop that was situated in excavated rock. She sighs, holding up a blue romper, one of two.

They even smelled like rock.

“Most of my stuff I got tailored.” Clair walks up behind her.

“Is that a thing here?” Sarah is still frowning at the simplicity and how, overall, Dauntless didn’t seem to take the time to invest in children too much.

“Do you know how difficult it is to find a decent tailor, though? For my kids, I had an old lady who I met completely coincidentally because we ended up moving next door to her when Adrianna was due. She’s now retired and in the home.”

“Home?”

“Don’t see many old folks around here, do you? Where do you think they go? Dauntless doesn’t have time to run a nursing joint plus military.”

“I suppose.”

“But, you’ve hardly seen half of Dauntless.” Clair’s bluntness doesn’t affect her anymore and Sarah sighs, again, for the fifteenth time. “Eric must be busy.”

Just the mention of Eric and her back stiffens. “I don’t want any of this. I’m done here. You ready to go?” In Clair’s hands are a few hangers of stuff for her daughter. The older woman merely forces a smile and nods.

Sarah had her own tailor anyway, a lot closer to home.

Mary’s phone rings for a long time before she answers. “Hello,” Sarah says a little too sweetly, buttering her toast she’d made herself and balancing the phone precariously on her shoulder. Ironic.

“Give me a minute. Let me go upstairs.” In the background, she can hear Mary’s labored breathing, her feet stomping up the stairs. “Okay...”

Sarah licks the butter off her fingers. “I think there is something we need to talk about. Well, more than one thing…” Mary doesn’t say anything, so she continues. “Have you…” She purses her lips, fighting the words. “…have you slept with Wayne?” Just as the sentence falls from her lips, Eric enters the apartment, shrugging off his jacket and looking at her curiously.

“He said he loved me.” Mary’s voice breaks, the tell-tale sign of her crying quietly to herself. “Now he won’t speak to me.”

Rubbing her temple in vain, Eric’s hands skim around her waist, pulling her back against him. “I’m sorry, Mary. I tried to-“

“I’m an idiot.” Mary sniffs, “I should’ve known,” she then coughs. “...How’s my nephew anyway?”

“Fine…perfectly fine… Mary just know that-“

“What was the other thing you wanted to speak about?” Sarah turns to face Eric, his eyes lingering along her neck, flashing up to meet hers suddenly. It was obvious Mary didn’t particularly want to talk about Wayne.

“I need baby clothes. I’ve checked Dauntless out and it’s pretty basic.”

“Ouch,” expresses Eric quietly.

“You want me to make them?” Mary’s voice gets higher. “Are you sure? I’ve never done babies stuff before?”

“Only if you wanted to. If not, I’ll try and find another alternative. But I really wanted you to as I know how amazing you are.” Sarah bites her lip, smiling, hoping, praying for her sister to say yes. Unexpectedly Eric leans down, claiming her lips.

“Get off the phone,” he whispers.

“Okay, let me have a look at a few basic designs and I’ll get back to you.”

“You are the best. Are you going to be okay?” Sarah picks up a slice of toast, biting into it under Eric’s watchful eye.

“I’ve got some school work. I’m just going to concentrate on that and, well, your request.”

“You can call anytime.”

“No she can’t,” Eric mumbles, lifting her suddenly to sit on the counter. Sarah still grips her toast in hand but grows continuously ticklish to his random prodding touches. Especially the ones that reach for the buttons at the top of her dress, undoing them one by one till she whacks his hand away.

“I’m so unsure now of when I’m next going to be able to see you.”

With another massive bite still to chew in her mouth, Sarah only manages, “Soon.” Fending off Eric’s assault.

“I hope it’s not too long. I really wanted to see the week by week difference…”

Eric rips the top part of her dress open, the significant noise of the fabric shredding from his strength and exposing the pale bra underneath. Sarah’s chest heaves, managing to catch herself as she tilts back with his needing hands on her thighs, pulling them impossibly closer together.

The toast becomes a casualty.

“Listen, Mary…” Sarah barely hears her sister's reply as Eric whips the phone from her hand and cancels the call. “That was mean.” But her voice is airy, her mouth parting till his lips press against the valley of her breasts, his tongue swirling up towards her neck.

“Shoot me.” Eric smiles on her skin, picking her up and making a break for the bedroom.

“I really, really, like this.” Eric looks smug over the report of the renovations, mainly at Sarah who is furiously pink, quietly sitting in her plastic bucket seat to one side in his office.

Sarah’s pillow talk the night before was delightful.

The confused Dauntless personnel standing at attention in front of him shifts uneasily. “Er, thanks.”

“Is it almost finished?”

“Just a week. If everything goes according to plan.”

“Great, so that means the end of February...” Eric mainly says to himself. “So March. I want it finished by the fifth. That’s plenty of time. In the meantime, I’ll be checking progress. I’ll be visiting this evening.”

“Yes, sir.”

Eric merely nods as dismissal. With the door shut and alone, Eric pushes her embarrassment further. “I want to do it again.”

“Stop.”

“Well, I liked it. What can I say?... shit.” The little Abnegation had also let that little cuss fly as he took her from behind.

Sarah is basically sweating from the heat. “I think you did actually like it.” Eric swigs the water next to him. Whatever was in the vials that he was dropping into his water, was working. Two days, no nightmares. Sarah didn’t particularly feel comfortable with it, though. But as long as it helped.

Just as she smiles cheekily from her reply and Eric still keeps his casual simper on his face, the door busts open.

“Sir…” Two Dauntless guards; the definition now Sarah saw from one simple strip of mauve on one arm, drags a rather volatile, spit-talking man into the room. Eric just stares flatly, barely moved by the scene in front of him. “…This was a domestic, but he’s officially assaulted two officers now.”

Eric sighs exasperatedly. The volatile man lifts his chin towards Sarah’s wide eyes, spitting. “What the fuck you looking at?”

“Has he taken anything?” Eric asks the guards and they merely shrug.

“I’m down here!” The irate man bunches his shoulders together, then relaxes, holding up his hands, “Look, look, I’m alright. I’m cool.” The man looks older than Eric, his head shiny with a V-shaped looking beard hanging from his chin. The red sleeves under his black bodywarmer are frayed and ripped and he looked like he had been in one of Eric’s intense training courses for about ten weeks.

Sarah inwardly tells herself not to back away, or move, or even breathe.

“If you’re cool, you can tell me what you have done, then? Can’t you?” Eric taps a pen on the desk. “No hearsay.”

“My wife is fucking another man,” he mumbles from his kneeling position.

“Boo fucking hoo,” Eric retorts quickly and the bearded man's eyes narrow.

“Nobody does that to me, nobody!” His voice crackles as if all the screaming he’d been doing at everyone had finally taken its toll. “I cut the little bastard. I don’t give a fuck. He’s lucky I didn’t skin him!” The man stumbles to his feet, the guards pinning his arms back behind him again.

There is a shift on Eric’s face as he peers between how disgusted the guards are and the anger resonating off him. “What of your wife?”

The bearded guy throws his head back and laughs.

“He maimed her, sir.”

“No prick will look at that silly cunt again!” he proclaims, still with his hoarse laughter and Sarah gasps, putting a hand to her mouth. Like a vulture, he catches it immediately. “You’d look pretty with a lovely slice down your face and all! Stiff bitch. Fuck the lot-“ He doesn’t get to finish.

A shot cracks into the room, whipping the man’s head back and forth, forcing the guards to jump to each side, letting the bearded guy slump heavily to the floor. His blood sprays the room behind him, but the droplets ricochet and fan across the room, hitting Sarah’s face. The guards get the brunt of it as they stare down at the unexpected horror.

“Problem solved,” Eric calmly puts.

Sarah stands, arms tensed, a squeak just leaving her throat. Wiping with numb hands at her face, she turns for the door, running the corridor till she gets to Clair. The old woman’s eyes widen significantly. “Get it off!” The more she rubs, the worse it gets.

“Stop, wait.” Clair grabs a tissue, licking it to wipe her face and batting off Sarah’s flailing hands.

“Clear this up,” Eric orders from his office and strolls out into the lobby with timely steps, completely at ease with what he had done.

“She’s pregnant, Eric!” Clair finally snaps, still dabbing at Sarah’s face. “She’s a Stiff!” The motherly and worried tone in her voice stumps him. “She’s not used to this. You can’t do that!”

Eric rolls his eyes. “She’s seen worse.”

“Worse than blowing open somebody's skull?”

Eric studies Sarah, face white and shaking. Clair pushes her down into her seat. “He threatened her. I used my initiative. And if you don’t mind, I don’t like being spoken to like that.”

“It’s extreme. This is above you, Eric.”

“Oh, shut up. Go eat someone else’s ass.” He waves his hand dismissively. “I’ll take her home.”

“No.”

In the background, Sarah mumbles, “His head…it…” with her eyebrows bowed significantly while recalling the incident.

Clair takes a step towards him. “I’ll take her to mine. You and I both know you won’t be able to stay with her all day.” Eric chews his cheek. “You know I will look after her. For the sake of the child... Keep this up and I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost it, then how do you think she would cope with that?”

Eric’s face glazes over. A faint shudder in his chest. He backs off almost immediately. “Fine… I want you to call me every hour.”

When he walks away, Clair watches him pinch the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. She takes a deep breath, bending down to Sarah. “Come on. Let’s get you to mine. Careful now.”

Sarah’s eyes flutter from her position on Clair’s couch. It’s bright, clean and light in the secretary's apartment. But that’s not what wakes her, it is the sound of children.

However groggy she is, she sits up slowly, letting her senses come to. There is a partition wall separating the lounge from the kitchen. In the middle sat a square opening so it was easy to see between the two rooms, and, Sarah guessed, to serve food as well.

As she rounds through a small doorway, there, at a perfectly square table sat Clair’s two children, busying themselves with drawings. The two bright pairs of eyes glance up at her and they still.

“Hello.” Sarah cups her hands, and Clair turns from the sink, smiling quickly.

“Kids, why don’t you go start getting ready for bed?” Jacob, Clair’s son, hugs her quickly and Adrianna is quick to push him, racing each other down towards what she could only fathom as the bedrooms.

“How are you feeling?”

Sarah shrugs, taking in all the personal memorabilia on the walls. One specifically being a family of Erudite. “Are you Erudite?”

“I was. A long time ago.” Clair places the dishcloth on her shoulder. “Do you want something to eat or drink?”

“No, I’m fine.”

Clair opens her mouth to respond but the front door swings open with a tall man with bags in each hand. “This is my husband.” She introduces him as he marches over, grabbing Sarah’s hand and roughly shaking it. He doesn’t seem to know his own strength, but however burly, his smile is beaming.

“Greg.”

“I’m Sarah.” Sarah does notice his eyes fall to her stomach, then to Clair questioningly. She watches as he immediately goes to his wife to peck her on the cheek, cooing a sentimental word. In fear of imposing, Sarah looks away till they are finished.

“Nice to meet you. I’ll, um, I’ll get the kids ready for bed.” He nods in parting, the kids giggling when he finds them messing about in their rooms and they shriek in excitement. Sarah’s gut drops. This was normal family life. Two hardworking parents who loved each other. Their kids were beautiful, well-mannered and adored. It stung like salt in a wound that the realization of this possibly being her and Eric was very few and far between.

“Sit down,” Clair orders, pulling the seat in front of her. “We need to talk.” The chair legs squeak on the floor and the older woman places her hands neatly in front of her. “What Eric did was wrong. He does a lot of things...wrong.”

“I’m well acquainted with him.” Politely she sits, stiffly and altogether cautious of where this was going.

“I’m going to be honest here. When I first met you, I didn't care for you. You were another stranger, a gray walking through our doors.”

“I’m not looking for sympathy.”

“I don’t have sympathy for you. I have sympathy for your child unknowingly being born into this. You knew about Eric.” She points provokingly.

“By that point it was already too late.” Sarah sternly says back, keeping Clair’s eyes that seem so determined to break her.

“Is that what you are going to be saying when Eric one day loses his temper? Are you still going to sit around and hope for the best? ...It’s what you’ve done since you’ve got here…”

“I don’t know whether you are trying to insult me, or aggravate me, or make me feel any more worthless than I do already.”

“I’m trying to teach you…And god damn you do have spirit...you are so stubborn!” Clair rubs her brow furiously and Sarah tries to keep her composure, suddenly feeling presented with her school teacher or being potentially investigated by authority. “I’m trying to teach you that it doesn’t have to be like this.”

“You could lose your job over this, Clair.”

But Clair’s too caught up in her swelling of emotions. “My god, I’m trying to teach you because your own parents are incapable! I don't know why, but I feel responsible for you. You remind me of my daughter.”

Sarah is speechless, she inhales through her nose quickly, peering down to the ground. “I never intended-”

“Stop with the Abnegation shit. Stop pretending that having this baby it will make things suddenly get better. Stop pretending that you can live like this, like a…caged bird all your life. Stop deceiving-”

“I love him!” Sarah stands, her whole body shaking. “I love him…” she says more quietly, trying to grip her furiously trembling hands. “I love him because not everything he does is always bad. I love him for the unguarded, off-duty leader at night when we are alone. The smiles that he doesn’t show anybody. The only person there for me when my sister died, when I really needed someone. He was there.”

“And so is the delicious traps that tempt its prey down from the tree.”

“I want to leave.” Sarah’s crying, rubbing at her face with her sleeves and pacing. “Let me out, I want to leave.”

“Sarah, please, think about it. I’m trying to help you. I know I can help. I know people.” Clair cautiously steps towards her, arms outstretched, waving in comfort. “There is someone I-”

Just the touch of her fingertip and Sarah pushes her away. “Get off of me!” Her voice screeches, causing the older lady to startle backward. “Don't touch me. Don’t come near me… Keep away from me and my baby!”

Greg appears from one of the bedrooms “Is everything okay?” and Clair waves him off.

“I’ll take you back to Eric’s.”

“You will do no such thing. Thank you for your hospitality, but I’m one hundred percent sure I have now outstayed my welcome.” The Abnegation shoves on her boots by the door, grabbing her gray long strapped bag from the floor and placing it over her shoulder before impatiently waiting without a word for Clair to type in the code.

As the golden blonde hair disappears down the corridor, Greg slides his arm across Clair’s shoulders. “You tried.”

“It takes time to come to terms with reality. She’s stubborn and equally afraid. That’s all it is. ”

“Perhaps it’s time to think of a new way.”

Clair narrows her eyes. “...perhaps. But with Eric, we don’t have to do too much.”

Having not been to Clair’s before, navigating the way home proved tiresome. But once Sarah found herself at a twirling staircase caked in dust and dirt, a place she guessed wasn’t used often, she was fascinated to find it to be a staircase linked to the rooftops that she’d never used before. Sarah’s phone begins vibrating in her pocket, she knows instantly who this is. “Hello, Eric.”

“Stay where you are.”

Sarah pants, her fitness having gone to pot since confined to Dauntless. “...Okay.”

“Why are you out of breath? Why didn’t you go down? Don’t answer that, just stay there.” The phone clicks when he disconnects the call and she puts it back in the annoying gray bag that's hit her hip with every step that she’s taken. Looking up through the middle, there is only one floor left till the roof exit, so she continues up regardless of Eric’s warning. The cold air from outside was dusting down and just gracing her, enough to have her long to feel it for real, against her own skin freely.

The door creaks, slamming closed behind her. The breeze is freezing, sub-zero and biting, instantly stinging her hands and forcing a dry cough from the sudden change in temperature. But from the climb it is a relief, flooding her with awakening endorphins, especially as the sun sets, beaming across her pale skin.

Sarah shuts her eyes; much like she did when it snowed, taking a moment. This was release. In her third eye, she saw herself stepping onto the ledge, arms outstretched and toppling herself forwards. Not hurtling to the ground however, floating, down towards sun-warmed grass. The density soft beneath her feet, far from concrete and ruined buildings.

Boots crunch on the gravel behind her and she lets the smile that had grown, drop, not bothering to face Eric. “Sorry, I just needed-”

“Stiffs shouldn’t go wandering on their own. It’s against the rules.”

Sarah turns so fast she almost loses her footing. “Wayne…” She’s about to ask where Eric is and catches herself, thinking quickly. “If you have come to gloat, go ahead. There is nothing you can say that I don’t already know.”

“Nah…” He runs his tongue along his teeth, stepping closer. “Just getting some air. Funny seeing you here.” Sarah turns her back to him when he becomes too imposing. He keeps shifting behind her till he bumps his chest into her back, and she can feel his breath against her neck. “You still are a beautiful little thing, aren’t you. Really what mother nature intended for natural beauty.” She cringes as a finger paws at the flyaway hair by her ear.

“I have no idea what my sister saw in you…”

“More than you took the time to notice.” When he inhales by her head, Sarah turns, raising her palm to his face. But he catches it, clucking his tongue mockingly. “Why you so mad?”

“You shouldn’t touch me like that. And-and how dare you use my sister. She’s young, and you’re just…” Sarah stammers. “...filth, utter filth.” Becoming suddenly fearful doesn’t help her train of thought. She manages to sidestep him and head back towards the door. She doesn't make it far.

Wayne spins her, pulling her out of the direct line of the door and pushing her against the brick next to it. “Listen you little bitch. I do what I want to do. So what I screwed your sister? She enjoyed it. Maybe, for the hell of it, and for your high-and-mighty attitude, I’ll go back for round two, put my dick in her mouth. I bet she’d let me. In fact, she’d beg me to.”

“Why have you got such a problem with me? Why? What have I ever done to you?”

“You exist. That’s my problem. Prancing around in front of me. Eric under your thumb...nah… I tell you what is funny, though, you always want what you can’t have.” When his hand strokes the top of her arm, Sarah peers down, connecting the dots, a disturbed breath whipping out in a coiling cloud between them. Slowly, she looks up, and he smiles. His mane of hair is falling in front of his face causing him to look all the more maniacal in that moment. The stench of cigarettes is putrid. But still, from somewhere, she finds the confidence to keep her head up.

With quivering lips, Sarah speaks through a tensed jaw, holding back the war of emotions threatening to consume her. “You’re sick.” But he’s too close now, too close to her mouth, his eyes dropping down her body. She whimpers, leaning back against the wall till she could feel the brick scratching her scalp. One hand protectively sits over her bump, the other pushing against his chest. “Don’t.”

“I have to know…”

She can almost feel his lip graze against hers. The thickness to his voice evident in blind desire.

“I have to know what you are like…”

The catch on the door chinks and Wayne turns his head. In that split second, Sarah makes a choice. It feels like in that second, to only seem like a heartbeat.

Half a heartbeat to catch Wayne by surprise. Half a heartbeat to place his hand from her shoulder unknowingly against her breast.

Eric’s bulk fills the doorway and he turns his head, quickly assessing what was in front of him. “What the fuck?”

Sarah ducks, shamefully hiding her face towards the brick wall behind her. Wayne rights himself, clearing his throat and holding up his arms in mercy. “That was not what it looked like.”

“You want to tell me what that looked like?” Eric scans Sarah again when she turns to the casual tone of his voice.

Unusually calm. Unusually collected. Completely deadly.

Wiping at her eyes, Eric holds her gaze a little longer. With her initial step being timid, she begins slipping against the wall till she falls behind him, the dainty fingers gently curling on the arm of his jacket.

However, she doesn't say anything in fear of how weak of a liar she was. Though, most of what Wayne had done was inappropriate, what she had done: necessary.

“You serious, man?” Wayne begins, motioning between them. “I... would not. She forced my hand! Look at her, playing innocent. We were arguing…”

As Wayne continues to attempt to make pathetic excuses, Eric sneers down towards Sarah latched onto his arm. Sarah’s eyes are wide, guarding against Wayne prattling on in front of them, flicking up to his warily

Eric reaches down to his knife on his leg, unsheathing it. “You wouldn’t lie to me, Sarah?” He exhales, juggling the weight of the knife in his hand. Sarah shakes her head, barely able to stand with the air constricting in her lungs.

“He touched me.”

With an effortless flick, the knife invisibly whips through the air, hitting Wayne in his thigh. The cry afterward is deafening and he stumbles immediately to the ground, straining his breath through his teeth.

Eric pushes her back, “Turn around. Face the door. But you don’t leave this fucking roof,” he warns her, stomping off towards Wayne.

Sarah tries to find a happy place to disappear to, but it’s hard when Wayne chants desperately, “What the fuck you doing? What the fuck you doing?!” his voice high and strangled as Eric edges closer. She hears his body dragged from the floor. “All of this over her. Fuck, Eric. I know her type. You know her type. I don’t know what the fuck you see in her, man. She’s just a Stiff. Bang her sister and you’ll know there is no difference. I don’t know why you waste your time.”

“I don’t care what you see in her…”

From where her back is turned, Sarah startles as Wayne screams. It wasn’t a yell or a shout. It was the sheer terror of a man in immense pain. Wayne’s boots thrash against the gravel, his shriek turning into a long sobbing moan.

Against her better judgment, Sarah turns at the audible thud of a body hitting the floor.

Balled like a fetus, Wayne whines loudly, the torrent of blood pulsing down from his face and pooling onto the gravel. Eric stands with his right hand spread by his side, the entirety of his thumb red, splatters from the force he had used flicked upon his clothing

“...but whatever you did see in her…” Eric continues. “...Will never be the same.”

Sarah thinks of all Wayne’s backhanded comments. The time he slammed her hand down on the cutlery and threatened her. The time he stirred the knowledge of Eric and Nina together to get back at her. Sarah thinks of her sister. Then, for once, of herself.

She would do anything for the ones she loved.

An eye for an eye.

#bound by chains #eric coulter #eric divergent #eric divergent fanfiction #jai courtney #eric #divergent #insurgent #fanfiction #chapter 20 #beautifulramblingbrains #eric and sarah #fanfic

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teslaboltzmann · 6 years

Text

so I went to see the doctor yesterday.

You gotta understand something about Dr. Tellin. He's not a human GP, he's a cyberneticist from Twilight Holdings. Most of his patients are augmented humans, he says he's seen fewer than 10 Pillars as patients in the past year. He himself is human. So when I went in to talk about data transfer, I thought he was going to give me the whole "always use virus protection, only transfer from partners you trust, never share private keys" spiel. It's like the sex talk, I guess.

When I asked him, though, he hummed and hawed a bit.

"Well, I don't actually think you have the drivers for that. You can receive files but I don't think you could manipulate or voluntarily send them. It's a bit of a quirk of your architecture," he replied.

"What do you mean?"

"You're primarily a neural net. Contact with conventional filesystems... well, it would be pretty prone to error. You'd need an interface to bridge the gap."

Despite the fact that this meant I could tell my boss that I had to keep using the GUI and avoid the vulnerability of being forced to make transfers at work, Dr. Tellin's words carried the somber tone of someone informing you of a crippling disability. It worried me a lot, like it meant I was defective or something.

"Could you do anything to fix that?" I asked.

"I mean, I could look into writing you some custom drivers, but I'm not sure how well they would mesh with your existing architecture. Machine learning is outside my area of expertise. ...I have a colleague who might be able to help, but she doesn't normally see patients. She works with AIs."

...

I decided to see the "specialist." He told me that her name was Dr. Sarah Liu, but to just call her Sarah. The contact info Dr. Tellin gave me only included a phone and an email, no holochat. Either she was very old-fashioned, or very paranoid. I decided to call her on the phone instead of emailing since I could have more of a conversation about my issue.

She picked up after two rings. "Hello?"

"Hello, my name is Tesla, I'm a patient of Dr. Tellin's?" I said. "I'm an Amalgam, and I was calling about--"

"Wait... Amalgam?" she cut me off. "Oh, you must be Fred Tellin's patient!" she said excitedly.

"Oh, he told you already?" I asked. It was unlike Dr. Tellin to do something like that, but if the two were close associates, I guess it could happen.

"Uhh. No, I mean, I... Not as such. Anyway, why were you calling?"

"Well, I'm having issues with file transfer. Specifically, I probably need drivers installed, and Dr. Tellin said you're probably better suited to dealing with that for me." I explained. At this point, I was a little weirded out, but specialists for these kinds of things are hard to find. It took me months just to get a referral to Dr. Tellin.

"Oh! Yeah, I could probably help with that. What's your architecture like? Object-oriented? Functional?"

"Uhh, I'm a neural net..." I'm not actually sure. Dr. Tellin never mentioned much beyond that.

"I know that, I was asking about your programming... Nevermind, I can figure that out when you get here. Knowing the Rift I bet you're something weird. When are you free to come by?"

"I mean, I have the rest of today off," I mentioned.

"Perfect! Come by in an hour or two. I'll send you coordinates. See you then."

No sooner had she hung up than I got a text with her location. She was about 20 minutes away, so I surfed the internet on my phone for a while before finding transport over there.

When the cab got to the location I programmed into it, I panicked for a second. It looked like a private dwelling, not the office building I had expected. Maybe I got the coordinates wrong? But when I checked, they were the same ones Sarah had sent me.

I saw the front door to the smell, ranch-style house swing open.

"Hey!" a woman in a ponytail called out to me as she stepped out of the door. "You must be Tesla."

"Yeah," I answered.

She came down the steps to properly greet me. She kept pausing to admire my body - looking at my fingers as we shook hands, squinting to see her reflection in my faceplate - but never said anything about it. "Come in, I'll get everything set up."

Her house was sort of old-fashioned inside even though she only seemed to be in her 30s. There was almost no post-Watershed technology inside at all except the computer systems. But boy, did those computers make up for it. She had an entire room dedicated just to this big mainframe. Racks and racks of servers everywhere, with tons of cables, and I could see the faint glow of nanites in the air. Must have cost a fortune, and I had no idea what she had to have been running on those. Probably hosting her own site? Or maybe mining cryptocurrency? There's no chits in that, though, no one legit accepts it anymore. A mystery.

Sarah directed me to a chair on one end of the room. It sat next to a user terminal, and a squid-like array of data cables splayed out on the desk next to it. They came with all different ends, male and female, some of which I didn't recognize.

"Find one that fits," she told me, indicating the cables. "Don't force it. If we need to, we can splice in."

Luckily for me, one of my ports is a standard USB. I plugged the corresponding cable into the port on my chest. It didn't feel like it was turned on yet, though.

Sarah reminds me a lot of someone I used to know, but older, and more measured.

As she activated the connection, I felt it immediately. It’s like someone else being in your head, almost. Mostly it was just poking and prodding, not changing anything. I could feel my thoughts triggering sort of semi-voluntarily as it probed my memories, but I couldn’t really make heads nor tails of the presence in my head. One minute it was one place, the next it was somewhere else, moving almost like a living thing, but very carefully. Like I said, it feels really vulnerable to have an open connection like that.

“Yeah, just as I thought. It seems like you’ve got some functional-based stuff in there. Looks like lazy evaluation too,” Sarah said, examining the output on the terminal. “Memory circuits aren’t triggering until they’re forced to. Lemme copy out some memories and try to decompile the nodes into Haskell or something. I’m gonna pick something random because I don’t know what’s what, hopefully it’s nothing embarrassing or traumatic. You’re going to re-live an episodic memory as the files are copied.”

“Okay,” I answered.

...

I was lying in the hospital bed. My skin hurt. Skin. I had skin then. I opened my eyes, which felt gritty and goopy, and bright fluorescent light forced me to close them again. It hurt. Everything hurt. There were bandages all over me. I couldn’t think straight, there was a pervasive fog in my head. Morphine, maybe?

“Are you awake?” asked a high-pitched voice. “Mr. Wright, can you hear me?” The voice was so far away. I tried to speak, but only a scratchy gurgle came out. I coughed. My ribs hurt so much. I shouldn’t have done that.

“It’s okay, Mr. Wright, don’t try to speak.” I felt warmth. The person speaking was gripping my hand. The feeling was so soothing.

“You’ve been in an accident, Mr. Wright.”

I started to slip back into unconsciousness.

...

“Tesla, are you okay?” Sarah asked. “You made this sort of coughing sound, it was startling. Is the memory over?” She was looking at me with raised eyebrows. Did she see what I saw through the terminal...? No, of course not.

“Yes, pardon me. That was a memory I thought I had forgotten,” I answered a little shakily.

“Really? That’s odd, usually I end up with higher-priority memories because the software goes for the ones that seem strongest and most cohesive. Graduations, weddings, things like that,” Sarah said, puzzled.

“Oh, I guess I’m just an outlier then.” Really, it wasn’t a memory I had forgotten at all, just one I wish I had.

“What was it of, if it’s not too personal?” she asked.

“Just a hospital stay I had once,” I replied.

“Interesting,” she mused. “Well, that’s gonna decompile for a few minutes, and I’m gonna get myself some tea. Do you... want anything?” she asked, staring with some uncertainty at my mouthless faceplate.

I was a little low on coolant at that point. Normally I don’t eat or drink in front of people I don’t know well, but Sarah... seemed like a good exception.

“Just some water, with a straw if you have them,” I answered.

“I don’t normally keep straws around the house, but I’ll see what I can find,” she said.

With that, she left me alone in the computer room. I could hear her moving around in the kitchen, getting out a kettle and her tea. No pre-made, just the old-fashioned kind. I never got why some people don’t like convenience.

After a couple of minutes, she came back in holding her own mug of tea and a glass of water with a swirly pink loopy straw poking out the top.

“My son used to love these when he was a kid,” she commented. “I don’t have any other straws, so I hope it’s okay.”

I chuckled. “Thank you, it’s fine.” I lifted the front of my faceplate just enough to snake the straw up to my coolant intake. I really need to install a hatch or something on there.

Sarah sat back down at her terminal and read the data output.

“Alright, all of this seems pretty normal. I’m gonna cobble together some basic filesystem drivers and try to integrate them so you can properly store and manipulate files. What kinds of specific applications do you plan on using a lot?”

“I work in marketing and do a lot of graphic design stuff,” I answered.

“Really? An Amalgam working in graphic design? Now I’ve seen everything,” she laughed.

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react, so I just nodded.

“Anyway, that means I’m going to have to do some extensive work with your visual system. I’d have to run more tests on your architecture for that, but I sort of have stuff to do later today... could you come by again in a few days?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure. Any time, really, my work schedule is pretty flexible.”

I had finished the water by this point, and I closed up my faceplate.

“Let me get that for you,” Sarah said, taking it from me. She took the water glass from me and put it in the sink in the kitchen, and then came back into the room and leaned up against the door frame.

“I’ll call you when the filesystem drivers are ready, and we can run the tests and install the program in the same visit,” she said. “Sound good?”

“Alright,” I answered. “See you then.”

She showed me to the door, and that was that.

#text post #looooong post #sorry about that #utopia descending

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