#yes sam hates dean the one who sam was so incredibly hurt by when he notices he trusted a vampire more than his brother

[samsno1]

just saw someome saying, yet again, "dean loved sam much more than sam loved dean" and i think 10 years of my life time were taken away

#yes sam hates dean the one who he tried everything in his power to save from the mark #yes sam hates dean the one that when sam thought dean was dead for six months thought about nothing but revenge against gabriel #yes sam hates dean the one who was willing to die if it meant dean would never ever have to worry about demons ever again #yes sam hates dean the one who sam was so incredibly hurt by when he notices he trusted a vampire more than his brother #yes sam hates dean who spent months trying to figure out how to save him from being a demon #literally making hell stop answering to his summons so that he would stop killing the demons to find crowley #i could go on #you guys are so fucking annoying #in s9 when sam said he wouldnt do the same for dean he meant take away his free will from choosing death or not #this fandom is horrible at understanding complex characters #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #polly's stuff #spn

[soullessjack]

i think one of the other autistic aspects in jacks character that’s like a little hard to see unless you’re also autistic, because it’s more of a common experience than a visible trait, is the sensitivity he has to people perceiving him as “different.” like, yes he actively wants to be strong and protect people and embrace his powers/what he is for a good purpose, and he even likes to show off and impress or entertain people with them. yes he’s well aware of his capabilities + Most Powerful Being status and literally weaponizes it against their enemies, but then at the same time he’s extremely uncomfortable when people regard him as “different” or dangerous, despite him knowing and owning that in other areas.

when mrs butters says that sam and dean should be afraid of jack bc of how insanely powerful he’s become, he never argues against his power level, only that he’d never hurt them; again, he knows his strength and uses it against various enemies even proudly sometimes. a large part of his character is just grappling with what he is and accepting that, which in turn ties into using it for Good to fight the Evil that’s supposed to be inherent to it. au bobby almost has him thrown out of the camp because he’s a “half breed” who will “inevitably” turn on the humans there because of it, and later on rationalizes that jack must be fully evil now because without his human side (a literal biological aspect that can’t be taken away), all that’s left is Lucifer. jack is essentially feared for being half-angel and looked down on for being half-human, for literally being a lesser human being because his other heritage isn’t human.

while jack obviously embraces their human heritage more, they do also make some effort to accept their angelic heritage for what it lets him do. suffice it to say, “this is who i am and I can’t change it but I can do something with it.” so then, when people view him as something weird or dangerous or simply different, when they see him negatively while he’s actively struggling to make positives out of it, he doesn’t deal with it very well. he strives to be “normal,” while still maintaining the protective role he’s able to fill specifically because he isn’t normal.

and for me, the autistic parallel lies in that directly. the more I’m realizing about myself and my autistic identity, the more I’m able to understand myself and embrace it—and even though my family jokes here and there, they also embrace me and help me feel more comfortable and confident in who I am. but it still feels like almost every day, I’m going through loving myself, messing up because I’m autistic, hating that I’m autistic and stuck like this forever, and learning to love myself again despite my faults. wash rinse repeat. as I become an adult and have increasing responsibility and pressure that I’m unable to take on because I’m autistic, I resent that the world isn’t built for me; that it actively hates and mocks me. countless tiktok core-core videos about how I am fundamentally a lesser human being or not even human to allistics, just because I am autistic. I flip back and forth all the time between “I hate being autistic because I struggle like this and I’ll never stop struggling” and “I love being autistic and I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t but I hate how difficult the world is because of it.”

and honestly both can be true; I don’t enjoy the executive dysfunction and exhaustion I’d deal with even in an ideal non-ableist society, but I enjoy being able to have special interests and experience certain things in a unique way. and conversely, jack likes being able to protect their loved ones and do cool tricks with their angel powers, but they don’t like being rejected or othered by everyone else because he’s half-angel. self acceptance is incredibly difficult to maintain when you aren’t outwardly accepted, and it’s even worse when you’re actively rejected—which true for anyone, but especially in the autistic experience. and again, even if the world was accepting of autistic people, I would still probably struggle to accept myself personally because of the ways it disables me. in that same way, even tho jack is (mostly) surrounded by people who accept him as he is and are equally as weird or “monstrous,” he still feels ostensibly Different from them and is actively othered from them by heaven and hell and dean in 15x18 arguing about his True Place.

another layer of this is that, even jack’s supportive accepting equally-weird family has their moments of othering him without meaning to; he is fundamentally dangerous [against his will], and they’re not being unreasonable when they’re afraid. i think dean even frames it as, “we aren’t afraid of you, we’re afraid of what you can do to other people,” which means to separate jack’s inherent dangerousness from their personhood, when jack so easily conflates the two (and even that itself can be seen as separating your symptoms/behaviors from your personhood).

a lot of dadstiel ppl might be mad at this, but even cas has the tendency to impose Jack’s value with the paradisal destiny Kelly told him about, despite also saying that Jack only needs to be himself to be loved. neither his or Kelly’s love are conditional on that basis, but it inadvertently created a standard for jack to hold themself to and is part of the reason he seeks to make Something Good out of what he’s been taught is Inherently Bad. he’s expected to succeed and actively wants to, but because their natural tendencies for retaliation or anger or impulsivity (things they view as inherently evil in them), as well as their lack of total control, causes jack to falter in fully succeeding and ergo, continue the struggle to love himself on the basis of meeting cas and kelly’s accidental standard.

it’s not their fault and it isn’t Jack’s fault either, because it’s all fundamentally a matter of genetics and circumstance, but it’s obvious to anyone alive that’s ever struggled with self consciousness and esteem that it’s hard to love yourself when the love you receive from others seemingly falters in a specific area, because then you fixate on the area where their love falters and you either strive to fix it or spiral into a crisis that there will always be some aspect of you that isn’t lovable.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#spn #spn analysis #supernatural #jack kline #autistic jack kline #autistic characters #autism coded #autistic experiences #autism posting #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #tfw 2.0 #dadstiel #cas and jack #kelly kline #liek … He means so so so so so so so so much to me I’m gonna throw up #he’s literally peak autism representation in almost every way and it’s literally not even on purpose . it just IS #autism transcending the narrative …

[kurtcobainsgreencardigan]

pauuuuuuuuu i’ve got a question. i understand that you enjoy supernatural, so could you explain to me the whole destial thing? i’m like, fairly close to caving and committing myself to 15 fucking seasons of them and dean from gilmore girls (who i fucking hate(the character not the actor)) so like, i wanna know what i’m getting myself into, cause the only stuff i know is the meme that’s always going around, and that everyone and their mother is obsessed with dean winchester

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD @weeping-in-the-willows WE'VE DONE IT!!!

okay andi here we go its gonna be LONG (thats what she said?)

Destiel is a ship between two main characters, Dean Winchester, who is a monster hunter, and Castiel, who is an angel of the lord. Although Cas does not appear until season 4(?), when he does it's clear there's something going on between the two men (boys?), and, whether or not it's intentional, there's a LOT of gay subtext. I think they suffer a lot but it's worth it for the very few moments they get to enjoy, and you value them so much more which makes it so enjoyable.

As for Sam Winchester (Dean Forester), he's a young man with daddy issues who never met his mom and decided that instead of having that horrible monster hunter life he wanted to go to Stanford and study law and have a great academically successful life (Sam and Rory Gilmore would be best friends). He's a sweet, kind, smart, driven, ambitious (and hot) 22(!) year-old who would never voluntarily hurt a fly. Obviously life had other plans for him but what happens to him is up to you. Now, I will say that I'm not the biggest mid-series seasons Sam fan, but I think early Sam was one of my first fictional crushes and I still think of him fondly. His favorite singer is secretly Celine Dion.

Dean Winchester also has daddy issues but as in yes-dad-I'll-do-everything-you-say-so-that-you-love me-while-his-dad-still-loves-sam-more daddy issues (which I know all too well not not the time nor place), whereas Sam was more like "No dad, this is YOUR dream". Dean is like that jackass who thinks he's this huge deal and he think he's really hot and smart and always right, which is infuriating because it's true. But really imagine a giant teddy bear with a flannel. that's Dean Winchester. It's a bit funny but for him the most important thing ever is his family and he will fight with all his might to save it, blood or found, he will die for them over and over again with no regrets, except that one where his daug we don't talk about that. He's also incredibly funny, he likes Frozen and dad rock and pie.

Cas is an angel who very often forgets that. Funny thing about this guy is that they first portray him as like this scary creature, he's the most powerful thing they've ever faced and he's so intimidating but once they get to know him he's really just like if an alien saw a hot guy and went "that one". He talks to cats sometimes.

About the show itself, the firsts seasons they think they're like this moody, serious show, but as it goes on it quickly turns into a comedy. They meet Scooby-Doo once. There's a musical. Doctor Sexy wears cowboy boots. Dracula. Ghostfacers!

Now, I wouldn't go as far as "recommending" it to someone, but if i could start clean and had the choice to watch it again for the first time, I'd tell them put me back in it, and I would cry and curse and suffer, but I'd go through it again.

And that is all, unless Willow wants to add something?

Also I would avoid the last episode, I would not watch it if I were you, I wish I never saw it and I pretend it doesn't exist, it is not canon if I say it is not and I refuse to recognize it as such. Thank you.

#omg im gonna go watch the ghostfacers episodes they're the best

[angelinthefire]

Not only is Cas + Dean + honey unfluffy, it can be downright angsty. I think that Dean, like fandom, could latch onto this one known interest Cas has, and while he'd hate being reminded of Honey Cas he'd totally try to "bribe" Cas with bee-related gifts. Dean is always interested in things that make Cas more reachable, touchable, and human. Cas, who may not even remember what happened when he was dealing with Sam's Hell memories, could easily think Dean is just taking him to a beeswax candle store because Dean likes doing human things together. It would be deliciously hurtful and unsustainable--maybe one day Dean thinks Cas is watching a bee (in fact, Cas is thinking about Dean's eye crinkles) and freaks out and after the yelling and stomping is over, they start to figure things out, but it takes a while.

I don't want to tell you not to have fun with this concept if you want.

But if you're asking for my opinion I'm going to give it, because, again, I want to keep the anti-bee discourse going. And I have to say that I disagree with you.

A large part of my objection to the bee trope is not just that it's bad characterization for Cas, but that it's also incredibly out of character for Dean to play a part in it.

Like it's not just a question of being reminded of how Cas was at that time. I think the end of s7 was such a negative experience that Dean would outright reject conceptualizing honey-Cas as a component part of Cas at all.

I could go on about "Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas, now clean up your mess". There's layers to that line (including guilt and projection on Dean's part, but also just plain anger and frustration) but this is not the post to get into that. Right now, I'm just raising it because that is the sentiment people unintentionally call back to every time they use the bee trope. That is how Dean felt about honey-Cas. So no, I don't think it's at all believable that Dean would do anything that invokes Cas' behaviour from those episodes.

(And yes, there was the "I'd rather have you" speech and Dean starting to be willing to take Cas as he is. But almost immediately after that, Dean and Cas get sucked into Purgatory and separated, so Dean never has to follow through. When he meets Cas again, Cas is "better" and Dean gets to make a clean break with honey-Cas and leave it in the past. Which he does.)

I agree that Dean is interested in bringing Cas down-to-earth, but whenever he does, it's on his terms. Dean shows Cas his own favourite movies, he makes him a mix-tape of his own favourite songs, he invites him to hang out at diners that he likes, he encourages behaviour (like flirting with waitresses) that Dean considers fundamental to his own specific experience. For Dean, making Cas human means making him relatable to his own life. It's something that I really enjoy because on the one hand, there's a kind of narrowness to it, Dean doesn't really have a curiosity about the kind of semi-human that Cas could become on his own terms. On the other hand, it's Dean sharing pieces of himself with Cas. It's Dean making Cas more his own, in a way. (also, as we know from the mix-tape, Dean is not generally in the habit of giving gifts to Cas. The mix-tape is an exception.)

That all being said, I would be glad if I started seeing the bee trope being used as a source of angst instead of as some fluffy thing. (but I'd be even happier if it was excised from the fandom entirely)

#dirigibleplumbing #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #my commentary #ask #bees

[slyersky]

Dean Winchester x F!Reader - Not a word (Part 1)

(A/N): I wrote this fic like… over two years ago. It‘s actually crazy. Never knew how to continue it as a one-shot, I considered just leaving it like it is for an ✨open end✨. But here we are… and I have decided to split it into several parts.

This first part is incredibly old. Be warned about the cliché stuff I wrote lmao „:) Part two is already in the works

Content: kinda angsty, mentions of blood, character death, reader is a bit of a cardboard cutout of Dean (sorry)

Words: ~3,900

“Are you serious right now?!”, (Y/n) stared at her younger sister in shock.

“What’s wrong with going on a hunt?”, (Sisters name) asked, her eyes locked with (Y/n)s for a second while she packed some of her clothes in a brown, worn-out bag. The older one sighed and shook her head.

“There’s nothing wrong with that... But why are you planning on going on a hunt with the goddamn Winchesters? They are nothing but trouble. You’ll get hurt, I know it.”, (Y/n) walked towards her sister and laid a hand on her shoulder, making her stop in her actions. “You’re still new to this business... And you’re even younger than Sam, are you sure this is a good idea?”

“I can take care of myself. I’m not a little kid anymore, (Y/n)!”, (S/n) pouted and freed herself from her sister's grip. She stuffed something in her bag and closed it. The younger sister walked to the door of the motel room the two of them shared. “I’m going. Even if you tell me not to.”

While (S/n) walked out the door (Y/n) grabbed her backpack and hurried out of the room. Her younger sister was already sitting in the car, trying to turn it on. The hunter opened the driver's seat door and pulled her out.

“What the fuck?!”, her sister shouted and wanted to push her away.

“Get in the passenger seat. I’m coming with you. And I don’t want you to ruin my car.”, (Y/n) threw her backpack in the car and hopped in. Her sister got in the car and (Y/n) pulled out of the driveway.

“So... Why do you hate the Winchesters so much?”, (S/n) turned to look at her older sister. She gritted her teeth and thought for a moment.

“I don’t hate them... I simply dislike them. I had to work with them already and they are a pain in the ass, especially Dean...”, (Y/n) stated, trying to remain calm.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, I can see it.”, the girl gave her sister a stern look, wanting more information on the topic. Suddenly, a grin formed on her face and she leaned back in her seat. “Wait a minute... Did you...sleep with one of the brothers...?” (Y/n) snorted and gave her sister a look of surprise.

“What? No! You’re being ridiculous right now! Why would I ever do that? Do you really think my standards are that low?”, the (h/c) haired woman tried to focus on the road again and the girl next to her laughed.

“But... why don’t you want to see them, then?”, (S/n) asked again.

“Well... I told you already, that they are nothing but trouble. Wherever they are there’s bound to be trouble. The last time I saw them we didn’t part on good terms. Do they even know who you are...?”

“Of course they know. I told them that I’m (S/n) (L/n). There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

“Well... They probably don’t remember our last name, so I guess that’s the reason they allowed you to join. But how did you find them?”

“They were in the same library we were in, a few days ago. I went to find some more books and that’s when I met Sam. He helped me get a book that was on one of the high shelves. Once he saw what the book was about he asked if I was a hunter, I said yes and we talked a bit. Then Dean came around the corner and I introduced myself. Sam and I decided that we would keep in touch and if one of us finds something, they are going to contact the other. So now I have his phone number.”, (S/n) smiled and (Y/n) sighed. They continued to drive to the motel Sam had asked the younger sister to come to.

Sam stopped and looked out of the window as he heard a car engine. It was a grey ‘83 Lincoln Mark VI Continental, that was currently parking near the motel room Sam and Dean shared. The brunette smiled, as he watched a young woman with a familiar get out of the car. She took a brown, worn-out bag with her and started looking for the right room. A few moments later, a knock was heard on the door.

“Looks like the little kid’s here.”, Dean said as he got up from one of the squeaky beds. Sam made his way to the door and opened it.

“Hey, guys!”, (S/n) said and a smile formed on her lips. Sam was about to reply when he saw a second person approach. It was a young woman with (h/c) hair. She was a bit taller than (S/n) and had a backpack in her hands.

“Hello Sam...”, she said, her expression showed that she was nervous. Now Sam remembered her.

“Hey (Y/n)...”, Sam replied. Dean walked up to the door as he heard that name. (Y/n) and he made eye contact for a second.

“Hello Dean...”, Dean didn’t reply and went back into the room.

“Well... I knew that I heard that last name before...”, Sam smiled at (S/n) and then at her older sister.

“...Uhh... Sam... You said that you found something...?”, (Y/n)s sister asked, trying to prevent awkward silence.

“Oh! Right... Follow me...”, Sam led the two to a table in the corner of the room. Books and notes were scattered across it. (Y/n) smiled. Sam was still as hardworking and Dean was just as lazy if it came to research. (S/n)s eyes sparkled, as she saw how much Sam had found out.

“Wow... That’s like... a lot of research you did there...”, she looked at Sam, who scratched his neck awkwardly and laughed lightly.

“Anyway... What are we looking for?”, the older (L/n) asked, she had a curious look on her face and her hands rested on her hips.

“We’ll be back soon. Don’t worry, we’ll bring back food.”, (S/n) grinned and closed the door behind her, following Sam. (Y/n) waved and smiled at her younger sister, but as the door closed, her smile faded and she turned around to look at Dean. He sat on the bed and it was obvious that he had watched her every move. The woman waited for him to speak, feeling too creeped out by him to talk first.

“So... The little kid is pretty alright. She seems to be nicer than some of the rest of her family.”, the male gave her a look that exactly showed what he meant, but (Y/n) ignored it.

“Yeah, she’s just like our mother... Dad didn’t like that very much though...”, she smiled sadly and looked down. “I see that you and Sam get by great. I’m happy you two didn’t die or something...”

“Says the one who left us to rot on a wendigo hunt.”, Dean looked her straight in the eye with a piercing and steely look. The female took a deep breath.

“I didn’t leave you to rot. You two were gone when I was done. I thought you left already. How should I have known that you were still in there?”, this angered Dean even more. He stood up and walked up to (Y/n).

“Maybe you could have looked for us. Or you could have tried called us! You know, I wouldn’t have cared if I died, but Sammy was in serious danger! He almost died in there!”, the older Winchester was struggling not to let out his anger on the younger female in front of him. But what she said next, soothed his anger a bit.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was a terrible partner. We were supposed to look out for one another... But I failed to do that. You have every right to hate me. I... Uhm... I started to get how important your brother's safety is to you after (S/n) joined me. But I’m... I’m really relieved that you’re alright... And I mean it when I say that I’m glad to see you.”, she looked down at the ground again, scared that Dean would see that she was on the edge of crying. Suddenly, two strong arms were wrapped around her, embracing her in a hug. She hesitantly hugged back, not sure if Dean was just messing with her.

“It’s okay now... We all survived... That’s the most important thing, right? All that aside, you were a pretty good partner otherwise.”, Dean’s voice was softer than usual, but she didn’t notice. His embrace felt nice, it was warm and safe. Soon, the female let him go and she smiled warmly.

“Haha... Sorry. It’s good to be partners again.”, she said, in the same moment, the motel door opened and the smell of food spread through the room. The two of them quickly stepped away from each other, a small blush forming on both of their cheeks.

“We’re back! Who wants to eat something?”

Sam looked up from his laptop, as (Y/n)s phone rang. He gave her a worried look and she returned it. The female quickly got up from her chair and answered the phone.

“Hey (Y/n)! Guess what! We found out where that thing is hiding!”, the cheerful voice of (S/n) brought a smile to the older sister's face and she signalled to Sam, that everything was fine.

“That’s great! Can you pick us up, so we can go there together?”, her voice remained calm, but on the inside (Y/n) was worried.

“Don’t worry! We can do this on our own. I’m with Dean, nothing will happen! We’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Wait! (S/n)! You’re going to-“

“Get hurt. I know, I know. C’mon, (Y/n). I’ll come back without a scratch, I promise. See ya later!”, before she could say anything else, her sister hung up. She let out a frustrated groan and sat back down on the bed.

“What’s wrong?”, Sam asked as he noticed his friends' worried expression.

“(S/n) and Dean decided to do this on their own... Sometimes I think that they want to die...”, she gave him an indignant laugh and then buried her face in her hands. “I think we’ll need some more bandages than usual...”

A faint knock was heard on the motel room door. (Y/n) got up, knowing it was Dean and her sister. She had already suspected that they would be in bad shape, but what she saw now was above any of her expectations. Dean had to support (S/n) by holding her waist and having one of her arms wrapped around his neck. Both of them were covered in blood. (Y/n) took a step back in surprise.

“Oh my god...”, Sam went to see what happened as he heard his friend's whispers. (Y/n) felt like she was paralysed, while her friend had to catch (S/n) as Dean released her. Sam brought the woman to a bed and laid her down. Finally, (Y/n) snapped out of her trance and helped Dean to the other bed.

“Sam? Where’s the medical kit?”, she asked, her voice failing to sound calm.

“(Y/n)... That won’t work. We have to get them to a hospital.”, at his words, the (h/c) head snapped up, terror etched onto her face.

“No! They’ll want to know what happened!”

“We don’t have any other options if we want them to survive!”

The younger Winchester sat in the driver's seat of (Y/n)s’ car, Dean in the passenger seat and (Y/n) and (S/n) were in the back.

“(Y/n)...?”, a faint whisper reached the older sister's ears and she looked down at her lap, where (S/n)s head was resting. She had opened her eyes. Her face showed all too well that she was in pain.

“Y-yes?”, (Y/n) leaned down, so she could understand her sister better, her tear-stained face almost touching her sisters.

“Am I... Am I dying?”, (S/n) asked and (Y/n) gasped at her question.

“No. Maybe you’re hurt right now, but you’re not dying. You won’t die today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon.”, the older sister tried to sound confident but failed once again.

“Haha... You know... Dean and you aren’t so different after all... You both care about your little siblings, you have a car that’s very important to you... I still can’t see why you love that old car so much... Hehe...”, her sister flinched in pain, “Can you promise me one... thing?” (Y/n) nodded, a few strands of hair falling onto her little sister's face.

“If I die... Don’t blame Dean for it... He didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault, that we got so hurt...”

“Don’t say that. You won’t die. I promise.”, the female was on the edge of crying again. She started stroking her sisters’ hair softly and began humming a melody that their mother had hummed every time one of the sisters was sad.

“How is he doing?”, (y/n) entered the room Dean was in, Sam sitting next to his bed on a chair. The brunette Winchester looked up, a sad smile on his face.

“The doctors aren’t sure yet... But I think he’ll make it. What about (S/n)?”

“It’s... critical. They said, that there’s a possibility that she...”, (Y/n) faced the floor. Sam gently squeezed her shoulder, trying to reassure her. The female hunter heaved a heavy sigh and hugged the younger brother tightly.

“She’s all I have left... I don’t know what I would do without her...”, she whispered into his shirt, still loud enough for him to hear.

Suddenly, the door behind them opened and a doctor with long, blonde hair and hazelnut-brown eyes came in. Her face was filled with worry as she looked at the two, who had let go of each other by now and waited for her to say something.

“You must be Sam and (Y/n)... I suppose both of you should get informed about his condition...“, her gaze drifted over to Dean, who was lying in the hospital bed behind them, seemingly asleep. It stayed there for a few seconds, then she focused on her board again.

“I’m sorry... But his medical condition has worsened since the last checkup. The possibility that he will wake up is... rather low.”, (Y/n) covered her mouth with one of her hands and shook her head in disbelief as she heard these words leave the doctor's lips. That wasn’t true, was it? It couldn’t be. Not Dean too... (S/n) was already enough. She couldn’t do this anymore.

Without thinking she left Deans's room, not listening to Sam shouting after her. He caught up with the older (L/n) and grabbed her by the shoulder, turning her to face him.

“What are you doing, (Y/n)?”, he asked, concern written over his face. She didn’t look at him, her eyes were distant and glassy.

“I have to fix this...”, her voice was just above a whisper and before Sam could take in what she just said, she brushed his hand from her shoulder and stormed out of the hospital.

The hunter kneeled at the centre of a crossroad, digging around in the dirt. Once the hole was closed again, she closed her eyes and sighed. She brushed her hands clean on her pants as she stood up and took a few steps backwards. It was quiet. Of course it was quiet. It was 3 am and the older (L/n) was in the middle of nowhere, summoning a crossroad demon, you know...like a complete idiot.

Suddenly, (Y/n) heard a voice behind her: ”Oh my! So you came after all. I was wondering when you’d show up.”

The hunter turned her head around but saw nothing. Her gaze went around the area and suddenly a tall man with black hair and brown eyes that flashed red for a second stood before her. He took a step forward, (Y/n) took one backwards, keeping a safe space between them.

”Why so shy, sweetheart? I don't bite.”, a smirk formed on his lips and he winked. The hunter still said nothing, glaring daggers at him. ”Oh, come on, (Y/n). Just say something.”

”If I was a normal person, I would ask how you know my name... But we both know that I’m not normal.”

”Yeah... I've noticed that a few of my friends disappeared thanks to you and your sister... Oh! By the way... How’s (S/n)? Wait... You don't have to answer me. That's one of the reasons you're here, right, sweetheart?”

”One of the reasons?”, she gave him a questioning look, trying to hide her panic.

”Oh, sweetheart... You don't get it, do you? Two of the people that are dear to you are on the brink of death. Now it's time to decide...”

”I... What-”

”You know what? I’ll make your decision easier. I’ll save the person that you love and will love the most.”

(Y/n) hesitated. But what choice did she have? If she didn't do anything both Dean and (S/n) would die.

”How long will I get?”, she asked, trying to get a fair deal out of this. The demon hummed in thought and then started to smirk again.

”Since I feel generous today, I’ll give you a challenge instead of a time limit. You can't speak to anybody anymore. Not a word. And if you do... Well... We both know what'll happen then...”

”So... I’m not allowed to talk, ever?”, the hunter tried to confirm.

”Exactly. You may think that this will be easy... But you will see.”, he answered.

(Y/n) thought for a moment. Then she nodded.

”Alright. We have a deal. You save them and I’ll never talk again.”, her eyes were cold as the man walked closer.

”Okay then... Deal.”, with that, he pressed his lips onto hers. She tensed up, but still kissed back. It felt disgusting and as he tried to get to tongue into her mouth, she pushed him back. The demon chuckled and his eyes turned red again.

”Well then, (Y/n). I would hurry up if I were you... You should get back before someone dies...”, he winked at her and in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

The gentle beeping of the heart monitor beside (S/n)s’ bed was the only sound of noise in the room as her older sister entered. She sat down on the bed and gripped her hand.

’It's gonna be okay... We're gonna be fine.’, she thought while tears started to pool in her eyes. ‘It’s gonna be worth it and when you wake up we’ll go visit dad...’

With blurred vision, (Y/n) looked up at the clock on the wall. After staring at it blankly for a few seconds, she could finally focus on the clock face. 4:30 am... Another night without any sleep. But if that meant she would get her little sister back, it was a minor inconvenience.

Relaxing a bit, the hunter leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for a moment. The sound of the heart monitor made her drowsy but she didn't dare fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Sam was pacing up and down in Dean's room, not sure what to do. Should he go look for his friend? Did she come back already? But what if something happened to Dean while he was gone?

Suddenly, the younger Winchester heard people running, panicked shouting and a long-drawn-out sound from a room beside him. He took a moment to realize what was going on and where the sound was coming from but then he threw open the door and looked into the hallway of the hospital. He was right. The noises came from (S/n)s room. Sam sprinted over to the entrance and all he saw were doctors and nurses surrounding the hospital bed. As he took a few steps further he noticed a knocked-down chair lying next to the bed and a crying (Y/n) in the corner. Her hands were buried in her hair, pulling at it and she shook her head over and over again. The nurses were now trying to use a defibrillator to get her sister's heart going again. The next seconds seemed to last forever. The two hunters watched helplessly as one of the doctors finally said: ”That’s it... We can't help her anymore... Time of death: 4:38 am.”

That was when (Y/n) finally broke completely. She slid down the wall behind her and started sobbing. Sam went over to her and pulled her into a hug. He spoke softly to her, trying to calm her down but to no avail. Everything she had kept going for was gone now. It was her fault she died. It was her fault (S/n) had even become a hunter. She put her in so much danger and now both of them had to pay the price for it.

The only one she loved was gone...

At that thought, (Y/n)s heart physically stopped beating for a second. The demon said he’ll save the one she loved... And her sister was dead.

The hunter pushed Sam away from her and dashed to the room Dean was in. She was exhausted by now but didn’t care at the moment. The bright lights of the hospital and her blurred vision made the hallway seem like a dream scenery. Oh, how she wished this was a dream right now. Her eyes still teary and sore from crying, she carefully read the numbers to every room, trying to find Deans.

When she reached it, her hand shook violently as she pressed down the door handle and entered slowly. The (brunette, blonde, etc.)s heart was beating out of her chest. She wiped her eyes with her shirt to clear her vision a bit. Then she looked down at her hands, realising how bloody they actually were. The blood of her sister was on her hands... Not just metaphorically. Everything she did was to drag out the moments of not looking at the bed in front of her. (Y/n) didn’t want the confirmation that she messed up a deal with a demon. She didn’t want the confirmation that her sister was actually dead and Dean still alive.

A quiet groan snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked up and spotted the one and only Dean Winchester, slowly sitting up in his hospital bed. The hunter balled her hands into fists. It was real. It was all real and over.

Hot, angry tears started to swell in her eyes once again. But she wasn’t angry at Dean because he hadn’t protected her sister enough. She also wasn’t angry at the crossroad demon because he tricked her. The hunter was mad at herself because she was the one responsible for her sister's safety. She had failed to be by her side when she needed it the most. She was angry at herself because she had been foolish enough to trust a goddamn demon and think he wouldn’t find a hole in the contract.

“...(Y/n)...?”, Dean's voice rang out to her. She turned her head away from him, she didn’t want him to know what had happened.

Suddenly, Sam rushed past her through the door. He gave Dean a bone-crushing hug and pressed the button to call a nurse. Two nurses soon came ushering into the room and made the younger Winchester step aside. (Y/n) used the commotion to escape. She couldn’t handle this any longer. The only one watching her go was the now surrounded Dean, who couldn’t even utter another word.

#supernatural #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x you #angst no comfort #part 1 of 2… maybe? #reader is female #reader is a hunter #why was younger me so obsessed with hurting and killing characters??? #i might need therapy #can this be considered as selfcest already?

[astermacguffin]

What if the Mark of Cain manifests differently when it's imprisoning God and not the Darkness? If the Darkness makes the Mark bearer go insane with unbridled want for destruction, then what does sealing God make you do?

An obsessive desire for creation? Creation to the point of corruption? (Think of the Shimmer from the film Annihilation. Continuous reproduction to the point of begetting alien, cancer-like entities. A refracted, distorted notion of creation.)

Okay, so canon divergence from The Trap. They successfully seal away Chuck, then Castiel bears the Mark. (Jack won't be back until later episodes, so he's not here yet.)

At first, they think he's fine. Cas says he's not feeling any bloodlust just yet. (He does feel a certain itch under his skin. Not a desire to murder, but a desire to do...something. He doesn't tell this to anyone.)

His grace is getting stronger, almost archangel-like (if not more). It's incredibly helpful for hunts, and Cas is happy to feel his wings healthy again after a long time. Sam is happy for him, but Dean is suspicious of things (especially since he's a previous Mark bearer).

After a while, Cas starts feeling...burdened, almost bloated by grace. (After all, he does have access to an infinite supply of it.) He needs to have an outlet for it.

Cas tells them so and Sam suggests healing people. Dean gives the green light on the condition that he remains invisible and he doesn't go Godstiel on them again.

It's a great outlet, and for the first few weeks they start feeling normal again. But unfortunately, healing stops being enough to relieve Cas of his excess grace anymore. The mass healings start to pile up all across the globe and it catches everyone's attention. Some think it's a blessed miracle, some think it's a sign of the end times. They make him slow down on the healings after that.

Without an outlet, however, Cas starts feeling antsy and pained. They brainstorm on possible alternatives. Cas suggests going to Heaven and saving it from collapse by healing his brethren's wings and creating more angels out of consenting souls in Heaven.

He explains Heaven's endangered and dwindling numbers. Sam agrees that it would hit two birds in one stone: relieve Cas from excess grace and prevent the extinction of angels. Dean doesn't like the idea of more winged dicks so he shoots down the idea. Eileen says that since Cas is the one in pain, he should be the one to decide.

Ultimately, Cas defers to Dean's judgment (as always). Sam protests, arguing that he can't just shoulder that pain. Cas replies: "I've suffered worse, Sam."

Cas doesn't complain about the pain for about a week, so for a while, everyone believes him when he said he can shoulder the pain. One day, Dean finds him outside the bunker, groaning in pain as he bleeds himself out, his grace pouring into the ground and sprouting plants. Dean sees this and is finally convinced to allow Cas to make more angels.

What follows then is a series of escalating events:

While Sam and Eileen are practicing their witchcraft for spell they need in a hunt, Cas suggests to enhance Sam's physical and magical abilities using his grace. "It will make the process faster and safer," he reasons. He agrees, but Dean eyes this suspiciously.

During one of their hunts, they encounter a young and freshly-turned vampire. The boy begs them not to kill him, and Cas gives him a proposal. "Promise not to feed on humans ever again and I shall cure you of your hungers and your pains. Pledge your allegiance to me and you shall never be afraid of yourself ever again." The boy agrees, and before Dean could even protest, Cas slices his palm and feeds the vampire his grace.

They argue about the grace-feeding in the Impala. Dean notices Sam's pointed lack of complaints and figures it out. "You're in on this, aren't you? How long has Cas been doing this? He's going Michael behind our backs and you're letting him?"

Sam argues that it's different because Cas isn't making super monsters; he's making them less "monstrous" (whatever that means). Sam's obsession with his own "purity" is key to understanding him here.

One time, Dean catches Cas in his "garden" ("forest" seems more apt with how lush the greens already are) creating butterflies and bees out of thin air using his grace alone.

Reports of the miraculously healed people suddenly gaining new abilities like increased strength, heightened senses, and prophecy start popping up. Some are experiencing phantom limbs, talking about their sprouting "wings."

Sam is becoming addicted to Cas' grace to the point that he willingly lets himself be hurt in hunts just so Cas can cure him. Dean confronts him about this, but Sam just argues that he's "never felt this pure before." Eileenn shares the same concern as Dean.

Hunts are becoming less frequent the more monsters are being "cleansed" by Cas. The world is becoming disconcertingly quiet.

Cas' "garden" is starting to emit this strange aura. The plants and creatures growing inside it are starting to look more...alien.

One of the original angels goes to Dean and tells him of Heaven's affairs. The Host is stable again, but the angels he created are...not exactly angels. They're graced up and they sustain Heaven, but their true forms are "horrifying and incomprehensible, even to an angel." The angel adds that more than 60% of Earth's creatures have already been touched by Cas' grace.

The final nail in the coffin is when Dean catches Cas in the garden fiddling with his angel blade. It's emitting a strange glow, vibrating a subtle hum and looking as if it's liquid, flowing and distorting here and there.

Dean asks him what he's holding. "Oh, this?" Cas responds. "This is the Last Blade. Last, not in terms of time but in concept, for no other blade shall ever compare to it. The spark of creation. Fiat lux."

Dean's heart sinks. Of course. The First and the Last, Alpha and Omega. "Cas...the Mark, I think i-it's scrambling your brain, man."

"I know," he replies, eyes wet and apologetic. It's a small moment of lucidity amidst weeks and months of...whatever that was.

"Okay, okay, so you're still you, that's... that's good. Okay." Dean doesn't know how to approach this. Give him a fight and he'll know what to do, but this? Watching his best friend, the love of his life, be distorted into something incomprehensible? Yeah, this is totally beyond him.

"You know, I used to hate Chuck," Cas says. "How could the Father of All Creation be this angry, petulant child? But," he continues, "knowing what I know now, it's either regressing into a petty child or being reduced to insanity."

"Cas...what are you talking about, man?"

"No mind should bear this burden, Dean. No matter how infinite they are," he says, voice trembling in exhaustion.

(more below the cut)

He continues. "The awareness of everything is the awareness of nothing at all. Imagine perceiving every possible piece of information about the world all at once. Seeing light in all its forms all at once: ultraviolet, infrared, etc. Sensing all the neutrinos zip by, sensing gravitational waves, sensing the slighest bit of seismic activity."

Dean doesn't know how to respond, so he lets him go on.

"Knowledge can only ever be a slice of the Totality of Truth. Truth is absolute chaos, and Knowledge is the partial ordering of this chaos. One can sanely approach Truth only through organized paritions of Totality. Why do you think Chuck is so obsessed with stories? Stories are linear and finite; they're sensible snippets of the endless sea of possible worlds."

"So, what? Are you trying to—"

"I'm not trying to justify Chuck's actions, Dean," he interrupts. "I just want to contextualize them. Chuck's simplistic and repetitive narratives are what they are: manifestations of a chaotic Totality, gone insane trying to understand itself. Looking for simple things to hold on to."

Cas takes a deep breath. He speaks with a shaky voice. "I'm barely holding myself together, Dean. I can feel the universe beneath my skin."

He doesn't know what possesses him to ask, but he does it anyway. "What are you holding on to?"

Cas smiles at that. "You."

They stare at each other for a while, frozen where they stand. Cas, with unrestrained affection in his face. Dean, struck by shock and indecision. It's Cas who first breaks the silence.

"I think we both know what needs to be done, while I'm still lucid enough." Cas slices his palm and lets his blood drip down the soil. He then thrusts the Last Blade into the ground, lifting it when the soil glows.

Dean stared in awe as the ground erupts and a familiar shape rises from the hollow. "Is that.."

"The Ma'Lak box, yes. I also enhanced it with the Blade to be able to house things as powerful as me."

"Cas, wait, maybe we can think of another way to—"

"Dean," he says, calmly. "You know there's no other way. I wouldn't ask this of you if there was."

In any other scenario, Dean would've kept arguing, but even he knows that they're running out of time. Sam's grace addiction is getting worse and all the creatures touched by Cas' grace are slowly mutating into eldritch horrors. Dean offers a shaky nod. "Okay."

Tension visibly releases from Cas' body. "Thank you, Dean." He opens the box and enters it with ease. "When you lock this, bury me with the garden's graced soil. Once I'm under, my influence over the world should dampen."

Dean gives a wordless nod. For a while, they just stared at each other, Cas lying down and Dean trying to memorize every inch of his face while he can.

Cas presses his hand into Dean's left shoulder where his mark used to dwell. "My untainted grace," he whisper gently. "Some of it is still inside you. That's probably why you're not as affected by me."

Dean wants to say, I'll always be affected by you, but he holds himself back.

He takes his hand back, a bloody handprint now on Dean's jacket. "I love you, Dean," he says, breathless.

"Cas..."

"I probably would've built up to that if we had more time but," he makes a surprised laugh, "I am, as you would say, already 'losing my marbles', so."

The air quotes would've been funny and endearing in any other scenario, but it just makes Dean's vision blur up with tears.

"Thank you for everything, Dean. I know we've done nothing but repeatedly hurt each other these past few years, but I don't want to spend a deathless eternity with that as my memory of you. I forgive you, even for the things you haven't forgiven yourself for yet. And I'm sorry for everything, especially for ending things like this."

He should probably wipe away his tears to clear his vision, but Dean can do nothing but stare at Cas in awe, in fear, in grief, in reverence. They're both fully crying now.

"Goodbye, Dean."

"Wait, Cas."

Cas looks at him, waiting.

"Can you...can you say it again?"

He doesn't need to clarify what 'it' means. They both know.

With one last mournful smile, Cas says: "I love you, Dean."

And with that, Dean finally gathers all the strength he needs to shut the lid and lock the box. He stares at it for a while, unblinking. He forgot to ask, Can you hear my prayers down there? But it's too late now to ask.

The box automatically lowers itself into the hole it arose from. Now all that's left to do is to cover it again with soil.

Dean doesn't bother with a shovel. He gently buries the box with his hands deep in the soil, some of it getting trapped under his nails. He continues the mindless task, whispering a tireless series of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I hope you're okay I'm sorry, over and over between his quiet sobs. Cas is quiet inside the box. No screaming or crying. Dean doesn't know if that's better or worse.

When the final clump of soil is pressed into the mound, he suddenly feels it: a visceral shift that echoes throughout the world. The alien glimmer of the garden dims, and the world corrects its axis. Dean screams his agony into the air.

That's how Sam finds him: sprawled over a mound of soil, crying his heart out. Dean doesn't need to say anything: he knows what happened. He pulls his brother off the ground and brings him inside the bunker.

For the first two weeks, Dean cycles through drinking and passing out in various places in the bunker. If he's not wearing the jacket, he's holding it with close to him. Sam gives him a considerable space to grieve while he monitors the world grace problem with Eileen. The grace mutations have significantly dropped since then and everyone's going back to normal.

Unfortunately, that means monsters are getting hungry again. Sam doesn't want to leave his brother alone after going nonverbal with grief and dysfunctional due to alcohol. Eileen assures him that she can handle hunts on their own and that the hunter network that they're building will lessen the workload.

Sam's attempts to sober Dean up finally work, mostly due to the latter having very little strength to protest. Dean remains sober an entire day for the first time in weeks, and all he can think about is: I haven't prayed to Cas in a while. The longing might have reached him, but never a coherent prayer.

The first time he goes out of the bunker in a while, he heads straight to Cas' garden. Sam's glad that he's finally going out because "the sun is good for you" or something, but he's really only here for Cas. He kneels in front of the burial mound (where a patch of an unknown species of flowers is already growing).

The first prayer he says to him in a while is: I love you, Cas. I should've said it while you were still here. Not saying it out loud and just strongly thinking about the words somehow bolsters him to get the words through.

He's crying again, and he knows he's losing coherency. In his mind, he's explaining about his hangups and his regrets and his continuous denial of his own joy, but one constant remains: he's beaming all his love and affection into this prayer.

He's halfway through explaining all the traits that he finds endearing in Cas when suddenly, he feels it like a snap. If the glimmer dimmed when he buried Cas, now it's as if it was never there in the first place. With an unsettling amount of certainty, Dean just knows that Cas is gone. For real, this time.

"C-cas...?" It's the first thing he's said in a while and it sounds rough in his long unused voice.

"CAS! CAS!!! " He's now screaming, ripping away the flowerbed with his bare hands and scratching the soil away. Tears are obstructing his vision, but he has no time to wipe them away. He needs to make sure that is really gone. His hands are bleeding and he doesn't give a damn.

Eventually, Sam comes running towards him. "Dean! Dean, stop!"

He tries to hold his brother back, but Dean just keeps on clawing away soil. "Sammy, Sammy he's gone, he's not there anymore, Sammy I have to see, please, let me see Cas again, I need—" he breaks into sobs again, and like a puppet with its strings cut off, he slumps into Sam.

"Dean, it's okay, it's okay..." he says softly to his shaking brother.

Eventually, when Dean calms down, he looks at the carnage he's done and starts sobbing again. The flowers, his last evidence of Cas being here, are all destroyed. Now Cas truly is gone.

. . .

When Cas first heard Dean's confession prayer, he was overcome with joy. When he realized what that means, however, his stomach suddenly sinks.

He hears before he sees the Empty arrive, slithering like black goo.

"Wow, were you excited enough for eternal slumber that you wanted a preview?" The Shadow teases in Meg's voice.

At first, he was dreading the Empty, but now that he thinks of it, it's actually the perfect prison for him: a vast, endless nothingness for him to fill with his creations.

And if Jack wasn't in Heaven, that only means that he's in the Empty, and he can't wait to see his son again. Even when blinded by the madness of the universe, he can never forget the joy of being a father.

"Yes," he replies, "I'm actually glad you're here now."

. . .

Somewhere around the globe, Billie drops Jack back.

"Don't worry, kid. You'l reunite with your father very soon."

(to be continued)

#spn #destiel #supernatural #aster writes #destiel fic #long post #im totally obsessed with moc!cas #moc!cas

[wearywinchester]

Accidents

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Even on the simplest of hunts, accidents happen.

Requested by Anonymous: "Don't hurt yourself again..."

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: mentions of injury, blood, fluff, kissing

You let out a soft sigh as you slumped back against the seat of the Impala, quiet as you clutched your side. It ached and it burned across your ribs, wrapping around to your back in a way that made it hard to forget it was there. You were aware of the light splotches of a rosy red that stained through your shirt, something you covered with your jacket the moment you saw it. The less Dean knew, the better.

There was a lack of conversation as you drove down the road, one lined with plenty of trees for seemingly miles. The sun had since dipped down for the day, the sky a darkened shade of blues as the clouds started to roll in, the heightening breeze sifting through the half-open windows and it blew cool against your heated skin. There was a storm coming in, that was for sure. Queen played low on the radio, followed by Zeppelin, followed by Dean’s favorite song to sing when he gets the chance to, Cherry Pie.

He hadn’t sung it this time though, not really. You saw the smile pulling at the corner of his mouth and the snort that sounded from his lips. You saw him turn the volume up a little and you heard him hum along to bits and pieces of the chorus, but he didn’t sing along just to see your eye roll and your inevitable smile. He didn’t do any of that this time, just hummed.

You didn’t know why, but you didn’t question it either as you wrapped your arms around yourself. You were too busy holding back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks in waves that came and went, the pressure behind your eyes remaining consistent. There wasn’t really anything to cry about, you knew that, but that didn’t stop your emotions from running in every direction and trying to get the best of you.

The hunt hadn’t gone terribly, having been cut and dry unlike most have been as of late, but you couldn’t help but think about the conversation you’d had right before it.

“Dean, why are you looking at me like that again?” You say, a huff leaving your lips as a knowing smile tugs at the corner of your mouth.

“You know why,” he says, brow raised as he shuts the car door and purses his lips over the roof of the car at you before you meet at the trunk. “Don’t look at me like that, sweetheart. Sam’s got a broken ankle back at Jodie’s, so we’re down a guy.”

You tilt your head to the side, that familiar smile still very much there on your lips.

“We’ll get the job done, Dean. We always do.” He rolls his eyes and lets out a chuckle that was only half humorous, shaking his head before returning his gaze back to you. You shift on your feet, arms crossing over your chest as you look up at him. “What? It’s true and you know it, Winchester.”

“Yeah I know it’s true,” he starts, tucking his gun in his belt before tugging his shirt back over it. “But that’s not the point.”

“Then what is it?”

His expression softens for a moment as a flash of vulnerability splays across his face before it hardens just a fraction to try and hide it, watching as he takes a step closer. Your gaze turns more curious by the second as your brows furrow, tipping your head back just a little more.

“Don’t hurt yourself again,” he says, quieter than before.

The sight of your smile has his eyes rolling and his lips pursing once more, those dimples appearing that you loved oh so much despite the fact that they reflected the discontent behind them. But your smile remained, if not widened some, a glimmer in your eyes that eased the tension in his shoulders just a bit.

“Is this your way of caring about me, Dean?” You ask, voice only holding a mere drop of teasing in it as you gaze up at him.

“I’m serious, Y/n/n,” he huffs, but you don’t miss the way he bites the inside of his cheek and inevitably fails at hiding his grin at your words.

“I know you are,” you say, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze as you lean on your toes and press a kiss to his cheek. When you drop back down to your heels you see the way he relaxes just a fraction, your hand dropping from his as you spin on your heel and walk ahead of him as he stands in place for a moment more. “I’ll try and be careful.”

You don’t see the smile on his lips in that moment, or the way it drops in favor of furrowed brows and parted lips as soon as he realizes what you said.

“What do you mean you’ll try?”

To be fair, you did try to be careful. You always tried to be, but it just didn’t work in your favor this time and now here you are, sitting in the Impala with a scrape who knows how bad on your ribs because you’d yet to look at it. You’d yet to even tell Dean about it and you wanted to keep it that way.

He’d walked away from that hunt with an angry red and purple bruise on his cheekbone, and a minor cut in his eyebrow. He was relieved with how simple the hunt had gone without the extra help of Sam and you weren’t about to ruin it by making him worry over an injury you told him you wouldn’t get.

The pain in your side was numbing, it was nagging and persistent, worsening with each rub of your shirt over it. It brought you discomfort that made it all the more difficult to sit still like you wanted to. You knew it couldn’t have been a big deal, not something to panic over. Because with a sly glance downward you’d noticed that the stain on your shirt had yet to get bigger than it was half an hour ago when you first caught a glimpse of it.

Your goal was to slip into the bathroom once you got back to Jodie’s, it was a fair excuse to say you’d wanted to take a shower. You could clean yourself up and stuff your dirtied shirt in your duffel bag and hope to get the stains out later. It was fool proof when you thought about it.

But not this time.

“So sweetheart?” He asks, breaking the near silence.

“Hm?”

It’s quiet for a few moments as you let out a soft sigh, hearing him clear his throat.

“When were you planning on telling me you got yourself hurt back there?” He asks, the knowing tone in his voice having you biting the inside of your cheek, turning your head to look at him.

He can feel your gaze, turning his head to meet it as he raises his brow and quirks the corner of his mouth up ever so slightly. It was a hint of a smile that stayed on his lips as he looked ahead once more, a smile that only held half its humor just to try and lighten the mood, to try and help distract himself from the anger and worry bubbling away in the very pit of his stomach.

He wasn’t blind to the way you’d been holding your side ever since the hunt was over, on and off. He saw the you-shaped dent in the wall from where that werewolf must have thrown you before he was able to step in. He saw what it looked like and he knew you better than to think you’d just get up and brush it off, he knew better than to believe that after that, you’d just get up without a scratch from it. Not with the very way your face scrunches ever so slightly when you move.

He knows.

Your lips purse and you heave a sigh, knowing full well you’d been caught. He figured you out and you knew he would.

“You get all broody, protective, tough guy on me, Dean!” You defend, your need to hide it quickly dissolving in that moment.

“Broody, protective, tough guy? The hell does that mean?” He asks, faux offense weaving around his every word as he turns onto Jodie’s street. “What do I look like, Incredible Hulk?”

“Yes, Dean. That’s exactly who you are. You frown and you huff the moment I get even just a little scratch,” you say, glancing over to see his narrowed gaze and pursed lips.

“So you admit you’re hurt?” You huff softly, turning to face forward as you bite your upper lip. He knows your silence all too well, that feeling that’s bubbling in his stomach moving closer to boiling over as he watches the way you clench your jaw. “Dammit, Y/n.”

He parked the car in her driveway, turning the headlights off before cutting the engine. You’re quick to get out despite the jolt of pain shooting around your side at the action, quiet to close the door because it was far too late for her or Sam to be up.

You know he’s not happy with the way you’re brushing things off, you can see it in the tension in his own jaw from anger that’s not quite directed at you as much as it is at the situation. You can see it in the way he watches you walk, cautious and a bit stiff and it only tightens the clench of his teeth as he waits for you by the door.

You went ahead and snagged the keys at some point or another, and he knows just why it is you did that. He knows it’s because you wanted to walk ahead and disappear off to the spare bedroom you shared before he could keep you from doing so. He knows your stubbornness like the back of his hand. You’re not that hard to read.

The house is quiet when you walk in, dark save for the lamp she’d left in for the two of you to navigate given the hour. You heard him lock up behind you, and you could feel the way he’d been hot on your tail as you made your way to your room.

You could feel the way his hand enveloped yours, at how he tugged you into the bathroom before you could go any further.

A huff leaves your lips when he turns the light on and closes the door behind him, shrugging his jacket off and rolling up the sleeves of his flannel. “Dean, I can do it myself—”

“Yeah, and you hate it. So if you wanna argue and wake everybody up, by all means go right ahead. But I’m patchin’ you up regardless.”

His voice was quiet despite the frustration in his tone, opening the door of the small closet and grabbing the first aid kit on the top shelf. Your shoulders slump and you pull your jacket off, looking up at him with furrowed brows and he only shakes his head, the beginnings of a smile on his lips and your habit of being more stubborn than he is.

“Let me take a look at it, sweetheart,” he says, his words softer.

You make a face then, reluctant for him to see the damage that’d been done because you yourself hadn’t even seen it. But, after a moment you tug up on the hem of your shirt, the fabric peeling away from it uncomfortably leaving you to scrunch up your face ever so slightly. You observe his expression, seeing the way his eyes move right to it, at the way his teeth press tight together behind his cheek when he clenches his jaw.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s…” he starts, sighing as he brushes the pad of his thumb across it lightly. “It’s not bad, but I still don’t like it.”

You turn your body and catch sight of it in the mirror, at the scrape over your ribs that wrapped around your side curving front to back in an irritated scratch. It’d been an angry red color, what little blood there was having smeared across it.

You turn back to him with a quiet sigh, catching the softness taking hold of his expression now that he knew it wasn’t quite so bad. Enough to make worry radiate through him in waves but he knew that’d happen no matter what.

He was quiet as he took a dampened wash cloth and blotted it over your side, gaze flickering to yours ever so often. He recognizes that pout anywhere, the one that pulls at his heart, the one that you’re never aware you have when it sits on your lips.

“I should’ve punched fangs square in the jaw for this,” he mumbles, trying his best to clean it without hurting you too much more.

A smile tugs at your lips then, beaming and bright as the softness of your laughter puffs out through your nose. It has him raising his eyebrow in curiosity, amusement soon following because whenever you’ve got that grin on your lips he finds it hard not to do the very same.

“You put him six feet under, De. I think that’s much more than a famous Winchester punch in the face,” you said, watching the corners of his mouth curls upwards in a smile.

“You’re somethin’ else, you know that?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” you say, looking up at him as he shakes his head at your words.

“I would say I can’t believe you tried to hide this from me, but I can,” he says, careful as he wipes around the edges.

“I would say you’re not much better,” you counter, pulling a narrower stare from him.

He knows you’re right, you always are, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to do it too. He wants better for you than he does himself and that’s how he’ll always want it to be. But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t argue, because he knows he’s got nothing to argue on that. He couldn’t find it in himself to do it anyway with the smile you’ve got sitting pretty on your lips.

He brings the bandage up to his mouth, ripping the packaging open with his teeth before tossing the crinkled wrapper in the garbage. He’s gentle as he smooths it over your side, hands calloused and warm when they touch your skin. He tugs your shirt back down then, the crease between his brows something you reach up to swipe your thumb over tenderly.

He dips down to rest his forehead against yours, noses brushing softly as you share mingled breaths. “Do me a favor?”

“Hm?”

“Tell me next time,” he murmurs, pressing his lips against yours softly, pulling away before kissing you once more. “It doesn’t make you any less tough.”

His smile presses against your lips, yours soon to do the same and he knows exactly what that means.

You pull away and look up at him, his eyes bouncing between yours and to your lips before lifting to meet your gaze again in that moment. He can tell by the way you’ve got that grin on your lips that there’s something teasing on the tip of your tongue.

“For the record, you are a broody, protective tough guy,” you say.

There it is.

He rolls his eyes at your words, arms circling around your waist with caution of the wound you’ve got, pulling you in closer.

“Yeah, yeah. Stop pickin’ on me, sweetheart.”

His words are mumbled against your lips, soft as they hold just a little bit of offense as his laughter brushes warm and fleeting over them, just as quickly muffled by the kiss he presses to them.

He knows that’s what he is, and he knows that’s what he’ll always be.

—

Tags: @flamencodiva @stixnstripesworld @elegantbutedgy @humanmistakes @campingmonkey @agalliasi @deandaydreaming @lanea-1 @akshi8278 @kidd3ath

#dean winchester #dean winchester oneshot #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x you

[this-is-spn20]

Imagine… How happy Sam is to find out you have feelings for him and not Dean.

A/N: Here you guys go! As promised I present a new story! This goes out to all my fellow Sam girls! I also want to know if you guys would want to have me add the gender of the reader. If so would you guys want more male readers and GN readers? Let me know in the comments! Requests are always open! There's no limit to requesting! Spread Love guys!

-Marissa

-----------------

You were convinced Sam was blind. Or had some sort of vision problem. You had thrown this man every hint in the fucking book and he still didn’t get it. You were pretty sure if you spelled it out for him he still wouldn’t get it. You had met the Winchesters through an interesting turn of events. They needed help with a particularly tricky group of shapeshifters.

You were mostly doing research and weapons check. When Dean left for a few hours to question the victims, you got to know Sam. You shared a lot of the same interests. You both had just enough differences to teach each other new things. You got to show him your more modern music choices while he taught you the classics. You and Sam had incredible chemistry. You thought you and Sam would be a cute couple. So did Dean. In fact you confide in him more often than not about your school girl crush with Sam. In fact, you weren’t watching old western movies with Dean and eating your ass off, you were snuggled up under Sam laughing and eating your ass off. Though the underlying threat of him tearing your lungs out if you were to hurt Sam is constantly looming over your head. Dean always acts like he’s annoyed but honestly he’s happy that you feel safe about this stuff with him.

You and Dean over a few months became best friends. Brother and sister even. He always jokes about telling Sam everything unless you make some homemade pie. You comply of course, not knowing Sam felt the same way about you. Dean will be the one who pushes you towards Sam. Things have really been awkward per se with you Sam, you try to distance yourself from him, hoping that your feelings will blow over. Of course, that wasn’t the case.

-------------

Sam was convinced that you were blind. It seemed that every single hint he had thrown at you was dodged. Every compliment towards you was casually casted aside. Sam, as much as he’d hate to admit it, was jealous of Dean. He always got the girl with virtually no effort. Sam felt that maybe, if given the chance, he could make you very happy.

He couldn’t get over you no matter how much he tried. You were the kindest person, but still a badass. You were soft spoken but passionate. You were just… you. Nothing fake or artificial, just all you. Sam wanted you so badly but also felt like you were too good for him. A woman like you must think he’s some sorry sap. A person as pure as you would be corrupted with someone like him.

Yet a man can dream can’t he?

-------------

Dean is convinced that the both of you are blind, deaf, and everything in between. I mean, How could you guys NOT see the chemistry jumping off you both? Honestly this whole ‘slow burn’ bullshit is getting on his nerves.

If Dean could force you two to kiss, he would. Maybe he should get both of you drunk off your ass and make you spill your guts. Or maybe he should just tell the both of you straight up to stop being little bitches. Yeah.

Yeah.

---------------

The next morning at breakfast Dean saw you and Sam and the table talking about an upcoming case and what kind of research needs to be done that day. Dean knew this was it.

“Good morning guys.” Dean’s voice alerting you and Sam to his presence.

You both greet him with ‘Hi’ and ‘Hey’. Dean pours his coffee and clears his throat.

“Both of you both have the biggest crush on each other. It makes me sick, just tell each other already.” While Sam chokes on his coffee you give Dean the most evil look as he smirks and walks out the kitchen.

“I can’t believe that fucker just-” You’re stunned in your seat as Sam interrupts you.

“Was he telling the truth (y/n)?” Sam asked, slightly wide-eyed.

As much as you wanted to rip Dean to shreds, you also wanted to thank him.

“Yes Sam, it is.”

Let’s see where this road takes us.

------------------

It's short but it's the best I could do. Hope it doesn't suck and that you guys like this! I'll be trying to write more in the future!

Spread Love!

-Marissa

#spn imagine #dean winchester imagines #sam winchester imagine #supernatural imagines #sam winchester #dean winchester #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x reader

[calaofnoldor]

Drug of Choice

Characters: Dean x Reader (gender neutral)

Words: 3,790

Summary: A night of drunken rambling leads to an unexpected change in your relationship status.

Warnings: angst, language, alcohol, feelings of inadequacy, very slight allusions of alcoholism/talk of drug addiction, reader likes the sound of their voice a bit too much when drunk, fluff, implied smut

A/N: written for @deanwanddamons 1st blogiversary and 2k follower celebration challenge! my prompt was “I wish I knew how to quit you“ which is bolded in the fic. congrats on the incredible milestone, sorry this is late! also for @spnfluffbingo and it fills the mood board square for @girl-next-door-writes‘ Make Me Feel Bingo challenge!

Square Filled: Kissed to Keep Quiet

MASTERLIST

It was four in the morning when Dean finally came home, and the bottle of Jack Daniels that sat before you atop the library table was over a quarter of the way through.

The heavy thud of his boots against the bunker floor drew your dark-adjusted eyes toward his shadowy figure, while the alcohol in your bloodstream loosened your lips, "How was she?"

"Jesus- Fuck!" There was a slight commotion before the lights flickered on, forcing your eyes to shut against the onslaught of sudden brightness. "Y/N??” Dean’s gruff, alarmed voice shattered the previously eerie silence, “What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark by yourself?"

Your eyelids lifted an experimental sliver but you kept your gaze directed down at the glass of whiskey in your hands. "It wasn't dark when I started."

Dean narrowed his eyes when he noticed the slur behind your words. "Started what? Are you drunk?"

His second question prompted a dismissive snort from you, "Hunters can't get drunk; you should know that by now, Dean."

"Yeah alright, we need to get you to bed." The man of your dreams began to make his way over to you until your gravelly words ceased his steps.

"I can't sleep... you haven't answered my question yet."

"What question?"

"How was she?"

"Who?"

You looked at him like he was crazy, "You know, the girl from the bar, the one with the curly hair… the one that was climbing onto your lap when I left?"

"I don't- there was no girl," Dean stumbled. His lips were parted and his eyebrows pulled together in an ever-gorgeous expression of bewilderment, but you were too busy examining the way the newfound light danced along the lustrous amber liquid between your fingers to notice.

"Oh," you grumbled in response, sounding a bit disappointed, which only served to deepen those adorable lines of confusion between Dean’s brows. "She sure was pretty though.” There was a pause as you pondered his declaration before blurting out in disbelief, “You really didn't fuck her in the back of Baby?"

"What- No! Y/N, there was never a girl and nothing happened, OK?" He sounded genuinely serious, so you conceded.

"I'm sorry."

"Why- why are you sorry?"

"I know you needed to blow off some steam after today, after I pissed you off by fucking up the hunt." You ventured a glance up at him through your lashes and the unadulterated pain in your eyes almost had Dean reeling back in surprise.

"What are you talking about? You didn't 'fuck up' the hunt," he argued, shaking his head as if to accentuate his point.

"Course I did. I got you hurt and I nearly let that dickbag get away."

A weighted sigh escaped Dean, "Y/N, you have to know that wasn’t your fault, and it’s not like you haven’t done the same thing for me. Besides, I wasn’t pissed off, I was... I was scared, OK?”

You were about to take another sip of your drug of the night when you lowered your glass to let the irrepressible giggle leave your system, “Scared? Since when does the big bad Dean Winchester get scared? And if he did, he definitely wouldn’t be talking about it out loud. Are you sure you’re not the one who’s been drinking?”

“I mean, I have been drinking but that’s beside the point. Look, Y/N, why don’t we talk about this tomorrow, alright? You’ve just gotta sleep this off.”

"Pft. This isn't something I can just sleep off. Trust me, I've tried." There was a tickle in your throat that alerted you of the oncoming word vomit, but your friend Mr. Daniels seemed to be gaining complete control of your tongue; it was all he was ever good for really, “I’ve also tried drinking it away, but clearly that doesn’t work either. There’s just- so much- of it, of you… and now, now you’re in me-“ Dean’s eyes went wide but you were no longer at liberty to stop, “and I can’t get you out. Sometimes I don’t even think I want to. But I don’t think I can keep going like this any longer either… all this waiting, and wondering, and watching.” Some fragment of sobriety within you recognized how ridiculous and melodramatic you sounded and it gave you enough sense to avoid eye contact with the subject of you’re alcohol-induced speech, as if that could help you elude further embarrassment.

“OK, you’ve gotta slow down, Y/N/N. What the hell are you talking about?” At this point, Dean had moved to take the seat across from you, subtly sliding the bottle of Jack out of your reach as he sat down.

A mirthless laugh was your reply, "Of course you don’t know. Why would you?“

“What does that mean? Why wouldn’t I? Y/N, what’s going on?”

But you ignored his questions and answered with one of your own, “Why am I never enough? You know what, don't answer that; that was a rhetor- rhetor…”

“Rhetorical?”

“Yes!” you exclaimed, flailing your index finger in his direction, “Yes, that’s the word. See, even your brain is too good for me.”

“What- why would you say that? Y/N, you know that’s not true. And why do you think you’re never enough? You’re plenty enough.” Concern now painted Dean’s features. He hated seeing you this way, broken and depressed, trying to drown your feelings in whiskey; he’d figured that was his trademark amongst the bunker residents. And he couldn’t understand how someone as incredible as you would think themselves unworthy of anything. Whichever son of a bitch made you feel this way would pay, Dean swore it.

“Then how come you never pick me?” you countered simply, deciding it was finally time to call out his hypocrisy.

The accusation floored Dean. He scooted back in his seat as he stared at you with a slack jaw, utter perplexity swirling within his emerald eyes. Over the years, Dean had garnered an inkling that you felt some kinda way about him, but he never really let himself believe, and not once did he think he could be hurting you. On the contrary, he always figured it was his own hopeful heart playing tricks on him. Even now, he wasn’t entirely sure he was hearing you correctly, or that your drunken state could be trusted, though he remembered you once told him that you were always the most honest version of yourself when you drank, whiskey in particular.

“I watch you go out with waitress after bartender after waitress, but I’ve been here the whole time, and you never consider me. It’s like I don’t even exist, like I’m not even an option, like I could never even help you scratch that itch, at least not as good as any barfly across the Midwest could.” You were aware that this was getting out of hand, but you couldn’t seem to find the brakes. “But that’s not even the real problem – I mean, sure, a roll around the hay with you would probably be mind-blowing as fuck – but it would never solve the root of it, never be enough for me.”

Dean had been studying you meticulously as you spoke, your words starting a fire to the embers of his soul, breathing life into a long-forgotten hope that brought him both joy and fear. “What would? Be enough for you, I mean?” His tone took on a raw sultriness that matched the intense, borderline predatory glaze of his eyes. Needless to say, Dean hadn’t expected your sardonic laughter to fill the air, and your sudden frenzied, carefree state certainly took him off guard.

“Nothing!” you laughed, “I don’t think anything will ever be enough for me! C-cause you’re like this drug that I’m hooked on and it’s just so fucking hard to get off… I mean, it’s also hard to get off without you now, or thoughts of you anyway...” Your tangent was quickly overcome when you remembered the topic of your initial spiel, “But it’s like everything about you draws me in! From the way you reference classic literature even though I’ve never seen you pick up a book that’s not about lore, to the way you rebuild Baby from scratch like it’s no big deal, to the way you’re so good with kids even though you never got to be one yourself, to the dumb way you bottle up all your feelings and never let them see the light of day yet still manage to do so much good in the world, t-to the way you get excited over classic rock and crappy horror movies and pie, and don’t even get me started on the way you love Sam! I mean, it’s just all of it! It’s your strength and perseverance through literal hell, it’s your huge fucking heart despite the mask of swagger and charm, it’s that stupid grin you get when you make a dumb joke and Sam rolls his eyes at you, it’s just those god damn lips in general! And then you walk around looking like that!?” you gestured wildly at all of him, “I mean, who gave you the right?!”

Dean looked like he was about to respond, but you cut him off. There really was no stopping your tirade now, “I’m like an addict who can never get enough, and when you leave, I get feelings of withdrawal, and I don’t know how to fucking deal with those either… You’re so deeply ingrained in me; I don’t think I’ll ever be able to flush you out of my system. And I just-“ you took a rare pause to heave a large breath before admitting quietly, “I wish I knew how to quit you. I really do, because as much as I love you, and trust me, it’s a whole fucking lot – God, does it feel good to finally say that out loud – but for every ounce of love that I have for you, for every bit of you that I’ve inhaled, it hurts just as much. Because you don’t feel the same, and you never will, and I don’t blame you, because you’re Dean fucking Winchester and you could have whoever you want with just a wink and half a smile, and you deserve to have whoever you want-”

“Are you done?” Dean was quick to latch onto the brief respite in your monologue, “Fuck, Y/N, you really have no idea what you do to me, do you? What you are to me?” His head shook in disbelief while his troubled green eyes searched yours.

“What I am to you? I’m your hunting buddy, Dean. The one you call when you need an extra hand with a vamp nest or an extra set of eyes to scour the books, the one who stays up with you when you have nightmares about the souls you tortured in hell, the one you sing rock songs out of tune in the car with, just never the one you go to for a booty call,” you finished with a bitter laugh.

Dean’s head had never ceased it’s shaking, even as he got up and walked around the table towards you. “Only because you’re worth so much more than that. Y/N, you deserve so much more than me.”

It was your turn to shake your head. How typical, you thought as you rolled your eyes and stood up to meet his eye line, “Don’t give me that bullshit, Dean. I know you’re trying to let me down easy and that’s nice of you and all, but you can’t fool me. I know you too well, Dean Winchester, and I know there’s no way in hell that- Mmf!“ The rest of your words were intercepted by Dean’s lips on yours.

The feeling was unexpected but not at all unwelcome. There was an urgent force behind the kiss as he pushed his mouth against yours with gentle yet firm ferocity, bracing your head with large hands cupping both sides. It felt as if he was desperately trying to convey a message to you, to disprove your woeful words of self-pity, or perhaps he just wanted you to shut up. You, of course, responded with tremendous enthusiasm regardless of his intent, grasping blindly at his forearms while slotting your tongue and lips around his in an increasingly frantic manner. You didn’t care if the kiss wasn’t good for him; this might be your only chance to take what you need from Dean Winchester, if only a tiny fraction of it.

When he finally pulled back, you were both panting for air. Dean still held your head in both hands as he leaned forward to rest his forehead upon yours. “Dammit, I shouldn’t have done that; you’re drunk... Do you at least believe me now?”

A slight grimace contorted Dean’s features as his mind was suddenly bombarded by a multitude of conflicted thoughts and feelings, feelings of desire and regret and bliss and unease, but when he caught the dazed look in your eyes, Dean made up his mind, “Ah, what the hell, you’re probably not gonna remember much of this anyway. Look, Y/N, you’re wrong. I do feel the same way about you; I have pretty much ever since I saw that magnificent ass of yours.” Pausing to chuckle at his own words, Dean licked his lips, still able to taste the whiskey from yours.

“The only reason I fucked around with those other people was because I couldn’t stand not being able to have you,” he continued through closed eyes and gritted teeth before filling his chest with a deep breath, “Like today, when I saw that fucking werewolf come at you, I nearly lost it. The thought of anything happening to you scares me shitless, and I didn’t know how to process that feeling, so I let that girl at the bar get close. I was trying to fill the hole you created but it was pointless cause in the end, just like every other time, I couldn’t go through with it. Every time I try to forget about you, your face shows up in my head,” he growled in that low, throaty tone that always seemed to reverberate down to your nether regions.

“But I- I wasn’t lying when I said you deserve more than me. Y/N, you know me. I’m a broken, twisted, shell of a man. I’m-“

“Poison, I know,” you finally lifted your head away from his so that you could look directly into his dazzling eyes. Dean’s hands slid down along your neck and landed on your shoulders while yours remained on his forearms, not willing to lose all contact. “I know what you’re gonna say. You think you’re poison, that being with you puts a target on my back, that loving you is a death sentence… Did I get that right?”

Dean gave you a miniscule nod and a look of resignation as he reluctantly released you from his hold, forcing you to let go as well when he took a large step back. You suddenly felt extremely sober, the effects of the alcohol and that kiss all wearing off instantaneously, “And you hate yourself. No one hates you more than you, Dean.” Your voice was hardly a whisper now, “But that’s OK, cause I hate myself too, for never being able to make you realize that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for, that you deserve all the things you think you can’t have, that you can have them all and still be Dean Winchester.”

You watched as Dean’s eyes began to water and when a single tear rolled down his cheek, you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. Approaching him as slowly as you would a nervous animal out of its natural habitat, you stopped directly before him before cautiously raising your arm to wipe the offending tear away with your thumb. Your eyes seemed to be locked in a silent exchange of colossal magnitude, expressing everything mere words could not, from harrowing regret to agonizing self-inflicted torment to desperate desire. It was the yearning in his shimmering eyes that gave you the courage to speak your next words, a runaway tear of your own joining the whispered plea, “Please, let me show you.”

When your eyes fluttered open the next day, they were greeted with the most beautiful sight you'd ever awoken to. Dean’s face was barely a foot away from yours, and the man himself was already awake, staring directly at you. He was lying on his back with his head turned towards you, while your body was twisted to face his. A bedside lamp was on, allowing you to marvel at the breathtaking perfection in front of you, and despite the booze having long since evacuated from your veins, your mouth still imparted the first thing that came to your mind, “You know, I've always wanted to count your freckles,” you murmured honestly, “Maybe map them out like tiny constellations so I can memorize them better, so that one day I could trace them even with my eyes closed.” Your fingertips moved of their own accord as you spoke, gliding softly over his cheeks and across the ridge of his perfect nose.

Dean caught your hand in his and kissed it repeatedly as his magical olive eyes continued to bore into yours, never once leaving your face. His pouty lips curved into the slightest smile as if he were afraid to rear hope yet couldn't fight the peaceful thrill you were bringing him by simply lying next to him. “You’re not still drunk, are you?”

“Not unless it counts to be drunk on you… Sorry, that sounded a lot less cheesy in my head.” You cringed but Dean’s smile broadened.

“And no hangover?”

“No, I told you, hunters can’t-“

“Get drunk. Yeah, I heard. So does that mean you remember everything?”

“I don’t think I could forget that kiss if I wanted to; my brain wouldn’t let me.” You glanced down at his gorgeous mouth before meeting his gaze again, “I meant it all, you know? Everything I said was the truth. Every word.” You moved your thumb to graze his lower lip and he puckered his lips to kiss it.

“So did I, every word… Especially the part about that sweet ass of yours.” The hand that wasn’t holding yours roamed down to grab at your butt cheek with a hefty yet tender squeeze, causing you to squeal in delight. When you settled down, he moved your hand to place it above his heart, “You know I’m no good at chick flick moments, but you can trust me when I say I’m addicted to you too.”

The sincerity in his voice sent butterflies through your stomach and your smile felt invincible. “I hope you know that when I called you a ‘drug’ I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Some drugs are good for you. Some drugs can save your life,” you whispered as you fisted lightly at the soft cotton of his t-shirt.

“I wouldn’t go that far, sweetheart.”

“Isn’t that what you did yesterday?” Dean was about to retort but you sent him a raised brow and a look that said ‘don’t test me, I’ve got loads more evidence where that came from’ so he simply looked down with a small grin. “Does it still hurt?” You motioned to the white bandage on his shoulder where the werewolf had scratched him up yesterday when he jumped in front of you.

Dean shook his head, “Right now I can hardly feel it. Actually, it hasn’t hurt at all since I kissed you.”

The corners of your mouth lifted some more at his words. “See, that’s what I mean. To me, you’re like coffee on an early morning, morphine when I’m hurting, tranquilizers when I’m freaking out, Zoloft when the world’s got me down, mixed with a shot of ecstasy, and quite possibly the most potent form of Viagra known to mankind.” You might have lingered a moment to chuckle at your own joke, thinking ‘it’s funny cause it’s true’. Dean belted a guffaw himself and you were quite pleased as you continued, “You’re everything I’ve ever needed, all wrapped up in one beautiful, self-loathing man.” You stroked his stubbled jaw and caressed his cheek, letting your words waft softly across the distance between you, hoping he could sense the veracity within them, “And I just want you to let me love you, let me get high on you, so I can show you how good you are. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

A wave a sadness flowed through Dean and he lowered his gaze from yours. “This could end bloody.”

“I know,” you nodded, “But it’s so much better than the alternative... It was getting a bit too hard to bear, even if you were only eye fucking all those other suitors. Besides, if it means I get to kiss you whenever I want, it’ll be worth it. And if it means I get a chance to prove to you how worthy you are, then it’ll be more than worth it.”

“I was only staying away because I wanted to protect you from me, but I didn’t realize it was hurting you. I never wanted to cause you pain; Y/N, I need you to know that.” Dean’s warm, calloused palm ran up your arm, it’s gentleness in stark contrast to his fierce tone, while yours continued to cup his cheek.

Astounded by the passion behind his words and the utter beauty of his face, you whispered in awe, “How are you so perfect?” Seeing the cogs begin to turn in his brain, you quickly moved your index finger to press against his plush lips, “Shh, just let me say it. Baby steps, Dean.”

He took your finger and guided your arm to wrap around his wide shoulders, careful of his injury, then reached out to pull you snugly towards him until your bodies were completely flush, your chest heaving against his. “Well do we have to take baby steps with everything? Cause now that I’ve finally got you in my bed, I was kinda hoping you’d let me take you for a spin in it. Maybe find out if it’s really – how did you put it again? – ‘mind blowing as fuck’ I believe were your words?” That signature smirk of his that always brought you to your knees came out to play.

Your laughter fanned across his face, and the smile on your face was effervescent, “You really are one hell of a drug, Dean Winchester.”

thank you for reading! as always, feedback is marvelously appreciated!

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[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By Your Doorstep (Part 7)

Summary: The reader spends her first Thanksgiving with Dean and his friends and she and Dean grow closer as a couple. But things change when a knock on the door happens one night...

Pairing: Doctor/Neighbor!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 5,600ish

Warnings: language, bad parenting, past child abuse, violence, blackmail

A/N: Parts of this series are told from two different POV’s. Dean’s POV are written from limited third person. Reader’s POV are second person (like a typical reader insert). Enjoy!…

_________

Reader’s POV

Two Days Later

“We’re here!” called Dean as you followed him inside of his friend’s Donna and Benny’s house. Sam helped Toast navigate the cluster of shoes by the door as Tessa stepped in. 

“About time you Winchesters got here,” said a man poking his head out from down a hall. “Hey, somebody’s looking better.”

“Are you that firefighter?” asked Tessa.

“At your service,” he said as he walked over. “Benjamin Laffetite. My friends call me Benny.”

“Aw, he is like a big teddy bear, Dean,” you said. Benny gave Dean a side eye but smiled. “Nice to meet you in person. We missed you at the last party Dean had.”

“Likewise. Me and the missus were out of town. Come on ladies. Let these two handle the bags,” he said as Toast ran up and sniffed him. “Well aren’t you adorable? What’s your name?”

“Toast. He’s my service dog. Kinda,” said Tessa.

“We’ll save him a slice of turkey,” said Benny as he pet him. “Hey you single kid?”

“Benny,” said Dean with a sigh.

“Jack’s here,” said Benny before he turned the two of you. “He’s our buddy Cas’ little cousin. 18. Freshman at Elmdale. He’s got that whole sweetly naive innocent thing going on for him.”

“Benny!” said a young looking guy in a hoodie standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

“Speak of the devil. Hey, Jackie, come say hi to this chick out of your league. Give you some practice talking to girls,” said Benny with a smirk.

“Hi. He’s an ass,” said Jack before Toast wandered over to him. “This your dog?”

“Yeah,” she said as Toast started to lick him. “He likes you.”

She gave you a look and you waved for her to take off, Benny chuckling to himself.

“Always gotta harass the kids, don’t you, Benny,” said Dean. The boys exchanged quick hugs and Benny let out a big laugh.

“Well since Sammy got big enough to beat me up I had to pick easier targets,” said Benny. He gave you a smile and threw his arm over your shoulders. “I got this one boys.”

“Benny…” said Dean as Benny walked off with you. “Play nice.”

“Don’t I always?” he said. He showed you into a kitchen and stopped next to a blonde working over the stove. “Y/N this is my lovely gal, Donna. Deano set us up a few years back.”

“Oh you’re adorable,” she said, ditching a spoon in a pot before giving you a big hug.

“She’s a hugger,” said Benny as he took over the stove.

“We haven’t seen Dean in months. We were starting to think he fell off the face of the earth,” she said.

“Sorry. We uh, we’ve been busy with a lot lately,” you said, getting an eye roll from her.

“Don’t apologize. He is head over heels for you,” she said. “But I will fuck you up if you hurt him, okay?”

“Permission granted,” you said.

“Donna, she’s almost kicked ass for me before,” said Dean as he and Sam carried in two casserole dishes.

“Then she doesn’t have to worry, does she? So you a beer or wine kinda gal?” she asked.

“She likes bourbon,” said Cas as he walked in with a plate full of bugles held strangely close to his face.

“Why are you so weird buddy?” chuckled Dean, slapping Cas on the back. “Everybody else knows Y/N and Tessa for the most part.”

“I’ll take a beer for now,” you said. You followed Dean into the garage and grabbed a bottle from the cooler, a goofy smile crossing his face. “What?”

“I’m really happy you’re here is all,” he said. You set the beer down on the cooler and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, smiling back at him. 

“I really like when you’re happy.” He blushed a little as your nose grazed his. His eyes kept lock with yours though and you smiled as you saw the creases near them from his own. “I think I might be falling for you or something Winchester.”

“Fancy that. I could say the exact same,” he said. “The deranged woman shouting toast in the neighborhood.”

“The man who fell on his ass on my front porch,” you said. He giggled and you immediately kissed him, Dean pulling you flush against himself. “That just might be the best sound I’ve ever heard in my life.”

He grinned and you both heard the door open, Tessa coming out and digging around in a cooler for a soda. She looked a little tired as you picked up your and Dean’s beers, Dean ruffling her head slightly. She shut her eyes and you both smiled.

“You’re still recovering. Take it easy if you need to,” he said. 

“I know,” she hummed. She straightened up when Jack came out to get a drink, Tessa ducking back inside where it was warmer. 

“Jack,” said Dean with a whistle. “Why don’t you and Tessa go sit down and watch some football? Something easy going.”

“She likes football?” he asked.

“She got sick a few days ago and needs some rest is all,” you said. “But you don’t have to-”

“No that’s totally cool,” he said with a smile. 

“She is out of your league, Jack. Also in highschool,” said Dean. Jack held up his hands and Dean chuckled as he walked out. “Don’t worry about him. He’s the sweetest kid I’ve ever met.”

“Cas always brags about him. I figured he wouldn’t be like, an asshole,” you said. “So he’s like Cas’ nephew, right?”

“Technically, yes. Legally, he’s his kid. Cas’ whole family is full of nutjobs. Jack’s dad isn’t a great guy. Cas took custody of Jack about two years ago.”

“You ever talk to him about...taking charge before you’re ready?”

“Cas was twenty nine with a very good job and house and security and Jack was seventeen. They’re more like brothers I guess. Cas is one of my best friends but he doesn’t...get it. His parents help a lot. I know you know the difference.”

“I do,” you said. You gave him another kiss and slipped back inside with him, a woman you didn’t recognize giving you a smile as she popped into the garage. “You know her?”

“Must be a friend of Donna’s,” he said as he took your hand. “You’re all chilly. Let’s get you warmed up, sweetheart.”

“I’m officially stuffed,” said Dean that night back at home after his fifth slice of pie that day. He was in his onesie and you’d slipped into your gray one, Dean hopping over the back of the couch and pulling you into his side. 

Tessa hummed as she skipped downstairs sporting a pink and white one, Sam sighing loudly as Toast trotted down the steps.

“Sammy, you look cute!” called Tessa. She sounded a little too pleased with herself and Dean gave her a fist bump just as Sam walked around the corner. His was black and he had the hood up, a pout on his face.

“Aw, he’s adorable,” you said.

“I hate you. All of you,” said Sam as he stretched out on the other end of the wrap around.

“Sam, share,” said Tessa. He smirked and flipped her as he pulled her down, Tessa yelping but letting out a few giggles. He sat back and she leaned back against him, leaving enough room for Toast to use his pillow on the floor to hop up onto the end.

“Alright, now that everyone’s settled, let’s watch some football,” said Dean.

About an hour later Tessa was passed out on top of Sam, Sam breathing softly as he slept as well. You looked at Dean to find he was watching them too, a silly look on his face.

“We should do onesies for Christmas Eve too,” you said.

“Definitely. This was the best thanksgiving I think Sammy and me have ever had.”

“Really?”

“I got my girl. I got my little sis and brother. Got my dog. Sammy really liked that Eileen girl he met today. This is definitely up there as one of the best days ever,” he said.

“You know how earlier I said I was falling for you?” you smirked.

“Oh yes. That was a highlight of the day,” he chuckled quietly. 

“Looking over at those two, this is the first time she’s not cried on a holiday in years. She had a really good day and I don’t feel like I’m fucking this up as much as I was anymore and I know it’s because of you.”

“Oh I’m doing this all for entirely selfish reasons,” he said, kissing the tip of your nose. “Very selfish.”

“Oh yeah?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder with a smile. 

“I’ve only ever let one person in, all that way down to the shit deep down there. I love my friends and I’d do anything for them. I’d give ‘em a kidney if they needed it. But it was only ever Sam my whole life that got all the way in. Lately though, there’s this girl and she’s making me rethink some things and for the first time in my life, I let somebody else in and it feels terrifying but I’m happy in a way I didn’t think I’d have. She’s making me a better person and I feel so good and I am going to keep being incredibly selfish about that.”

He tilted his head down as you leaned up, meeting him for a kiss. It was soft and lingered, Dean cupping your cheek. You moved and he went with it, slow and lazy, laying back and enjoying a playful game. Something swelled up inside of you and burst open, a moment of pause as you took a breath. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes and you tried to look away before Dean saw but he was still holding your face, big green eyes locking onto yours.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, wiping away the sticky droplets.

“Nothing,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m happy. I’m so happy right now I don’t understand.”

“You let me in,” he said gently. “Way down you let me in just now, didn’t you.”

“I don’t understand why I’m crying,” you said.

“Because the last people you let in there, it broke your heart when you lost them,” he said. “Don’t be scared of losing me. I’m not going anywhere.”

You nodded and put your palm against his chest, Dean wiping off your face. His heart thumped along evenly, strong and steady. He nodded and he turned off the TV, carrying you up to bed. He sat you down and lay down beside you, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Not really,” you said. He propped himself up on his elbow and you rolled over to meet him. 

“Sweetheart you can’t go around living scared of people dying on you. It’s-”

“It’s not that,” you said. “I just...can I ask an unaskable favor?”

“What?”

“If something happened to me, would you help take care of Tessa, until she’s ready to be on her own?” you asked.

“Why do you think something-”

“Dean could you just…” you said before he nodded.

“If anything ever happened, Tessa will always have us,” he said. “I swear.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t have to thank me for that,” he said. He stroked your cheek again and offered a soft smile. “Is there something you’re not telling me sweetheart?”

“The last boyfriend I had I was twenty three. I’d been with him for three years. I thought he was gonna be the one, you know?” 

“What happened?” he asked quietly, still tracing over your skin.

“He moved away after school for a job. It was working until it wasn’t. It was amicable. I still...never quite got over him I suppose. After the accident, he reached out to make sure I was doing okay. I really wasn’t but he was coming into town to see his parents anyways so he stopped over. I thought he cared, maybe I could let the wall down a little and it’d be okay. But he was so rude to her. She was in a real bad place at first and he just...was a dick and I got over him like that for good. But you, and Sam, I feel like, you’re the kind of the people that...if I dropped dead this second you’d be over her house ten years from now helping her put up a shelf or you’d take her out for drinks or something and the fact that she has people she can depend on and I don’t have to worry about her as much...it just kinda hit me tonight, you know?”

“I do. You have people you can depend on too,” he said. You leaned over and kissed him, Dean sliding his hand to the back of your head. “It gets easier. I promise it does.”

“I know,” you said.

“Let’s have a little quiet day at home tomorrow. Maybe we can put up the tree,” he said. “That sound fun?”

“Sounds perfect Dean.”

Two Weeks Later

“Tessa,” you said as she zipped up her winter jacket in the foyer. 

“Y/N. I’m going over Jack’s to play video games, I swear,” she said. “I’m pretty sure Cas and Kelly will be home anyways.”

“Your shirt’s on backwards, doofus,” teased Dean from the couch. She huffed and took off her jacket, fixing it as Sam jogged down the stairs in a suit.

“Hot date tonight, Sammy?” she teased.

“At least I know how to dress myself,” he shot back. “Ready to go?”

“Mhm,” she said. She put her jacket back on and hooked up Toast’s leash the two of them heading out.

“You think she’s actually going over to play video games or make out with him?” asked Dean.

“Both?” you laughed.

“Not bad plans if I say so myself,” he said, pulling you into his lap. The doorbell rang and he groaned. “Stay put. We have a makeout session to get to.”

He hopped up and went over to the door, immediately shutting it.

“Something wrong?” you asked as he walked back. He shook his head, the doorbell ringing again, you got up and went to the door, hearing Sam talking loudly outside with someone. You peeked the door open and saw a man on the front porch, Sam rolling his eyes and walking away from a woman. He got in the car and drove off with Tessa, the man giving you a look. “Can I help you?”

“We’d like to speak to Dean,” he said.

“Who are you?” you asked.

“His father,” he said, pushing the door open wide. “Who are you?”

“His girlfriend,” you said, stepping in front of him with crossed arms. “I don’t recall inviting you into my home.”

“Leave. Both of you,” said Dean as they both stepped into the foyer. “I said-”

“We want to speak to you. In private,” he said.

“I don’t think-” you got out before he got in your face and glared down at you. You swallowed. He was as big as Dean but there was something off to him.

“Dean. Private,” said his father. 

“Y/N, go upstairs. Please,” said Dean. You sighed but went up, hanging around the balcony to try and overhear them in the family room below. “What the fuck are you two shitheads doing at my house?”

There was a thud and you froze, listening for more.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” said Dean, his voice slightly off.

“You know how this works.”

“Why don’t you get a job lazy ass? Oh wait. You get fired for being drunk at yours?” said Dean. There was another thud and you took out your phone, trying to record whatever was going on. “Oh punching. Very mature of…” said Dean before he gasped and made a whining sound.

“You know how this goes. She calls and you pay. Now pay or we’ll tell Sam the truth.”

“That you’re a sack of shit? He already-” said Dean before he went quiet.

“Have the money tomorrow by noon at the locker or else Sammy’s gonna drop you like the sack of shit you are, Dean. He’s gonna hate you for taking him from us and you know it.”

“I saved his-”

“No, no Dean. You were pathetic and couldn’t stand the thought of being alone so you took Sam. You pay us every few years. That’s the deal for us staying away. If you go back on your word now, we’ll go back on ours.”

“I’m done with you blackmailing me for-” said Dean before there was another thud.

“I’m done with you thinking you’re better than us. You’re nothing, understand boy?” he said. You went over to the hall closet and grabbed a baseball bat, walking downstairs to catch John staring down at the floor, Dean sat back against the wall holding his side.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” you said, gripping the bat tightly.

“Noon, Dean,” he said. He walked out with Mary on his tail. You quickly locked up and rushed over to Dean who had his eyes shut and was sporting a few bruises on his face. 

“Jesus Dean,” you said. You moved his hand and saw a bruise on his ribs, Dean holding up a hand when you tried to move him.

“Give me a second,” he said. You picked up the bat and he caught your wrist, shaking his head. “He doesn’t have any problem hitting a woman, Y/N.”

“I should be calling the cops,” you said.

“Y/N,” he said when you tried to tug away. “Please don’t.”

You put down the bat and he dropped your hand. You cupped his cheeks and he winced.

“I need to take you to the hospital,” you said. He shook his head and you shook it right back. “Dean.”

“Help me over to the counter,” he said. You hooked an arm under his and got him up, walking him over to one of the stools. You sat him down, Dean inhaling sharply. You got out the first aid kit from the cabinet and set it down, taking a kitchen towel and wetting it before you dabbed it against this cheek. It soaked up a little blood and you frowned, Dean looking away.

“Dean I recorded the whole thing on my phone. It’s still going on the stairs. We gotta call-“

“Y/N. Just…don’t.” He started to grab the bag and stand when you scoffed. “I can handle this.”

He got up and started to walk, slowing down after a moment and holding his side again. He stopped by the back of the couch and dropped his head. You sighed and took the bag from him, throwing his arm over your shoulders and walking him upstairs, grabbing your phone along the way. You walked him into the bathroom and he sat up on the counter, leaning back against the wall with a wince.

You helped him out of his shirt and saw the bruise was darkening over his ribs, Dean shutting his eyes.

“Hand me your little mirror,” he said, pointing over to your vanity. You picked it up off the counter, Dean holding it up and looking at his face. “Alright. Can you get me-”

“Stop. I got this.” You used a washcloth and got it wet again, holding it against his cheek and around his eye. He tried looking down but kept moving his head and you settled on putting some more cold water on the towel, pressing it over his skin again. When it seemed like the bleeding had stopped you dug out some medication, dabbing it over the cuts. He was quiet, holding his side while you put a butterfly bandage over his cheek. You peeled his hand away and figured there wasn’t much you could do for his ribs.

You went downstairs and got some painkillers and an ice pack, returning to Dean right where you left him. 

“Here,” you said, dropping the pills in his hand. He took them with a quick gulp of water, hissing as the cold touched his skin but he soon relaxed. You held the pack for him, Dean taking a deep breath. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Dean. Your dad just-”

“This is not the first time and it probably won’t be the last,” he said. 

“Now I’m definitely calling the cops,” you said. You reached for your phone but he grabbed it first, holding it over his head. “Dean. He hurt you. He can’t just come into our house and do that.”

“What I need you to do is take my debit card, go to the ATM and take out five thousand from my savings and five thousand from checking. Hundreds is fine. Okay?” he said. “The PIN is-”

“I’m not doing anything other than putting you in bed,” you said. He glared and you gave it right back. You grabbed his arm and pushed him into the room and over to the bed, Dean laying back against the headboard reluctantly. “Why on earth do you-”

“It’s how I got Sam,” he said. “Custody of him when I was eighteen. We didn’t go to court. I paid them off. It was five grand at first and it tied them over for a bit but when he turned eighteen, they called and wanted more. Every three years they call. Last time it got bumped up to ten thousand. They called around the time I met you and I didn’t pay this year hence the ass kicking.”

“But why do you still pay them off?” you asked.

“Because Y/N,” he said. You crossed your arms and he slammed his fist against his pillow. “Because Sam was the favorite. He didn’t get the shit kicked…” 

Dean trailed off and shut his mouth, looking away. You sat up next to him, holding his free hand and holding him as best you could.

“I got the worst of it but that’s not to say Sam didn’t get some. I knew, I knew that fucker would hurt him once I was gone and I couldn’t stay so Sam had to come with me. I tried looking up how to get custody and that sort of thing and they found out about it,” said Dean. He laughed and you ran your hand through his hair. “Tonight? That was nothing compared to what happened after they found out. But my drunk of a father, well, he owed money and I had some saved up from working for my Uncle Bobby. So I paid to get Sam the fuck out of there. They claimed it was because they were going to travel and wanted Sam to be able to stay in school and shit. It was all shit. Now...now they tried their best to make him hate me on the way out, make it seem like I was stealing him from them. Plant those little seeds. You can’t kill an idea once it’s in there. So I did what I had to and I keep doing what I have to and they stay away from us. It’s how it goes.”

“Do you...do you pay them not to hurt you?” you asked.

“No.”

“Then what’s it for?”

“He will hate me if he knows the truth.”

“Dean he won’t-”

“Our parents fucked us up. I literally bought custody of my baby brother. How is that not fucked up?”

“It’s a fucked up situation. You though, you are not fucked up,” you said as he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. Your father is...a monster and I don’t know what the fuck is up with your mom but you are good. Sam is good. You have the biggest fucking heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Sam would never hate you for getting him out of that situation. Never. But I don’t understand why you keep paying them money, Dean.”

“So they don’t tell him the truth.”

“The truth doesn’t sound all that bad though. He-”

“If he finds out I’ve lied to him for half of his life, he will not forgive me for that. We tell each other all our crap because we’re the only ones that can understand what went on in that house and I can’t risk losing him.”

“There’s more to it,” you said. Dean shut his eyes and nodded. “Dean, what is it?”

“I stole money,” he said. “When I was eighteen. We needed food and rich people don’t notice when twenty, fifty bucks goes missing out of a drawer. If you just take a little, they don’t notice. Well, my father found out about it and threatened to have me arrested if we didn’t come to some kind of payment plan. He was proof and I don’t deny I did it. We needed-”

“You stole from my dad,” you said.

“I did. Money out of his desk drawer at work. He caught me red handed and in one second I thought my life and Sam’s lives were over. I just...started crying and he shut the door and he gave me some money and he took the rest of the afternoon off and we got some stuff like clothes and toothpaste and food and he gave me a job as a paralegal intern. I had no fucking idea what I was doing and he helped me get into school and I worked there and made way more than I did in the mailroom and he’d have dinner with Sammy and me at our place once a month. You have no idea how badly I wanted him to my dad. But we knew he had a real family so we tried not to bother him. By the time I got into med school, Sam was going into his first year and we were on our feet. I’d gotten a good job at a medical place but he checked in every once in a while. I didn’t know he’d died until I met you. I always thought we’d take him out and repay him someday. If he wasn’t kind that day...I’d have nothing.”

“I’ll share my father with you and Sam any day.” He smiled and you kissed him, Dean starting to relax. “So your dad has proof of you stealing money? How much?”

“I wasn’t particularly great at it. Sam and I both had jobs. It was probably a hundred bucks,” he said.

“How’d he get proof?” you asked.

“What do you mean?”

“How would he have proof of you stealing from some random person?” you asked.

“He has photos,” he said. “He showed me.”

“Photos of…”

“Me with the money.”

“Outside of someone’s house?” you asked.

“I was in my car,” he said. 

“Dean. Where was the car?”

“Outside...work,” he said, thinking to himself. “Your dad...he gave me money that day. There was never any proof. I just let him manipulate me again into doing what he wanted.”

“How much did you steal Dean. Altogether?”

“A few hundred bucks?”

“You donate some money to charity?” you asked as he nodded. “Your debt to society has been repaid, trust me. No more feeling guilty. Plus when my dad the lawyer lets you off the hook, it’s fine.”

“Sam still can’t know.”

“Sam’s been outside the door for most of this conversation,” he said. He turned around the corner, Tessa there with him. “Fuck, Dean. What happened to your face?”

“Are you okay?” Tessa asked, climbing up on the bed.

“I thought you had a hot date,” he said. “The both of you.”

“Jack’s just a friend,” she said.

“Eileen understands,” said Sam. “Besides, we both got a bad feeling after mom and dad showed up like that.”

“You really thought it was appropriate for an 18 year old to hear all that?” asked Dean.

“Considering all the shit I just learned about you at 18, I’d say I’m good,” said Tessa. She fidgeted a little and Dean sat up more.

“You can hug him. Carefully,” you said. She moved up to his other side and gave him a gentle one, Dean chuckling.

“I love you too, dork,” he said. He watched with a swallow as Sam stepped inside and moved the icepack from Dean’s body. Dean stared up and Sam sat on the edge of the bed, placing the pack back. “I’m-”

“You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing,” said Sam. “You protected me and that’s all there was to it. Everytime she calls, talking to her tonight, I still get manipulated too. I don’t know why they hate us so much and it’s wrong but you aren’t. Not you.”

“Y/N’s offered up their parents if we’d like to take ‘em,” said Dean.

“Mr. Y/L/N was your guys dad?” said Sam as you and Tessa nodded. “You know I met you once Tessa. You must have been five. You were bragging about something to do with kindergarten.”

“How’d you remember that?” she asked.

“Cause I was so fucking jealous of you. You were so happy,” he said. She looked down but Sam laughed. “It worked out how it was supposed to.”

“You’re a lawyer, can’t you like, do something?” she said, glancing at Dean. 

“Tessa, this isn’t that simple,” said Dean.

“Yeah, it is,” she said. He nodded and she relaxed some. “I don’t think you should pay anything. He should pay you while he’s at it.”

“Yeah,” he said, ruffling her head and wrapping his arm around her. He looked at Sam and then you before you nodded. He wouldn’t say anything about his father. Sam was grown and bigger than himself yet Dean still kept paying. With you and Tessa around, there was no way he was risking a thing.

“Sam,” you said. You both got up, Dean pouting when he realized he wasn’t getting up without some help. You walked down to Sam’s room and he shut the door, crossing his arms. “We can’t let him keep paying off your father. Tessa has a point. You’re a lawyer. What are our options?”

“There’s not blackmail evidence and our parents would claim it was a gift. The only things I can think of that we’d have a shot would be the incident tonight which he’d be out on bail like that anyways and...stuff that happened when we were kids.”

“Sam he came to our house.”

“I know,” he said, rubbing your arms. “Dean always gets quiet for a few days after something like this happens. Nobody is paying anything. I’ll make sure Dean doesn’t leave the house tomorrow morning.”

“What do you think John would do? Will do?”

“I don’t know. He’s an abusive dick, not a psychopath.”

“Did you ever tell my dad about this stuff?” 

“Dean did a bit I think.”

“Good,” you said as you left the room.

“Why good?”

“Because if I know my dad, he made a note of it and put it on record with a judge,” you said as you headed downstairs.

“Y/N,” said Dean from the end of the hall, leaning on Tessa. “Where are you going?”

“To see if dad ever reported John. Or at least kept a file on him. We still know the partners at his old firm. I’ll be back in an hour,” you said. “Two tops.”

“Sam go with her,” said Dean. “Please.”

“Tessa, put him back in bed and get him a fresh icepack in fifteen minutes. Get some food too, okay?” you said, tugging on your winter coat. “Oh and take Toast-”

“I got it,” she said.

“We’ll be back soon,” said Sam. “Hopefully with some good news.”

_______ 

A/N: Read Part 8 here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #doctor!dean #au!dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #dean #winchester #dean spn #doctor!dean x reader

[idreamofplaid]

Healing

Summary: The life of a hunter is hard, loving a hunter may be harder, but love is greater than than all that.

Character: Dean x Reader; Sam mentioned

Word Count: 2196

A/N: Still fleshing out my Masterlist with another fic from my docs.

Dean walked into your room a tattered and bloody mess. You looked up from the book you had been pretending to read while you waited for him to return. It wasn’t easy loving a hunter. The fear was always there, the fear that this would be the time he didn’t come back. It lurked in the corners of your mind. It sat cold and icy in the pit of your stomach. It squeezed your heart when he was late and you hadn’t heard from him, squeezed it to the point you thought you couldn’t breathe.

Even covered in blood as he was, the sight of him sent relief flooding through you. A new fear replaced the former. He was home, but he was hurt. Where was his injury? How bad was it? Why was there so much blood? Your book fell from your hands, and you went to him. 

"Dean, what happened? You started peeling the layers off him. Jacket, plaid shirt, t-shirt. You removed every layer. His armor of plaid flannel hadn’t been enough. The scratches were all over his chest, shoulders, stomach, and arms. Some of them were deep, deeper than you had seen before, and you struggled with yourself to stay calm. You needed to take care of him.  

"Werewolves,” he told you through gritted teeth. “There was a pack of werewolves right in our backyard, and we missed it." He sat down heavily on the bed, and put his head in his hands. "We missed it, Y/N. How the hell did we miss it?”

"Dean, you can't take care of every single monster in the world. That’s not on you.” You understood his need to make things right, at least as many things as he could.   

“Some of these wounds are bad, honey. You're going to need stitches.” Internally, you breathed a sigh of relief. You could do that. Stitches would make it okay. He was safe.

You went to the sink to wet a cloth and came back to sit on the bed beside him. Carefully, you started to wash off the blood, beginning with his chest. You talked to him while you cleaned him up. He’d told you once that hearing your voice made the world right for him and made him forget about the pain.

“Where’s Sam? Does he look like you do?” Sam was okay. You knew that, or Dean wouldn’t have left him. Still, you needed to hear him say it. Sam was the brother you had always wanted, and you loved him; but you couldn’t bear to think of what it would do to Dean if anything happened to him.

You cleaned the blood from his anti possession tattoo while Dean gave you the update on Sam. “He went back to his room. He’s got some scratches, but not this many and not deep. I got in a pretty serious tangle with a mean werewolf.” Dean gave you a half hearted smile. He was trying not to let it show just how much it hurt, but you could tell from the way he was breathing. Dean always put on a brave face for you, and you never let on that you saw right through every one of them. 

After getting all the blood off, you headed for your duffle to grab the first aid kit. You brought it back and opened it on the bed next to him. This next part would sting. You poured alcohol onto some gauze and started dabbing the cloth on his wounds. Dean winced.

"I know it hurts. I'm sorry." Your hand stilled for a minute, and you leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips. 

When you pulled away, Dean was genuinely smiling. “You know how to take my mind off anything, don’t you?”

You smiled back at him. “Well, I try.”

Gently, you resumed applying alcohol to his wounds. Dean put his hand on yours where you were lightly tapping the alcohol soaked gauze to the scratches on his torso and looked at you with those green eyes you had fallen in love with. You had seen them every shade of green from the palest jade to the deepest green of the evening sea. Tonight they were dark, like a forest at twilight, and they were troubled.  

"Y/N, I don't want to keep coming home to you this way. I don't want you sitting up waiting for me, worrying if I'm alive or dead. You deserve a better life than that." You saw him swallow, and the pain in his expression was worse than anything the werewolf had done to him.

You moved to his shoulder and kept right on cleansing his wounds. "Dean, I do worry about you; I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I don't want to see you get hurt, but I know it's part of what you do. It's part of who you are. You make the world safer; that's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I don't dwell on what could happen to you. Does it scare me? Of course it does, but I focus instead on knowing that you want me to be the one here to stitch you up when you’re done fighting whatever evil thing it is you had the courage to confront.”

A smile danced around the corners of your lips, turning them up. “And who says I was waiting for you because I was worried? Maybe I was waiting for you for another reason.”  He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and shook his head with a chuckle.

Dean cupped the side of your face in his hand and brushed his thumb over your cheek. "You really are perfect for me." 

You kissed him, slowly with just the right amount of tease and a promise of what was to come later. When the kiss ended, you held his eyes for a few seconds before turning your attention back to the task at hand. 

"Now, let me take care of these stitches." You selected the suture needle you wanted from the first aid kit and skillfully sewed up the gashes on his shoulder and side. You had done this more than you liked to think about, and practice made you good. It was one of the first things Dean had taught you, but you still hated it. You knew it had to hurt even when he didn't let it show, and his pain always hurt you too.  

You kissed every spot where you had placed stitches when you were done and told him. "Go get a shower then come to bed. If you aren't too tired, I'll show you why I was waiting up for you."

You took off your clothes and climbed under the sheets. Even if Dean was too tired for sex, you wanted to feel his naked body against yours. You needed to hold him close and feel his arms around you.

When he walked out of the bathroom wearing just a towel, you took a good, long look. It was still hard at times to believe this man was yours. His lips made you think of the dirtiest things. What he could do with those lips....  They made you think of the sweetest things too, like the things he whispered in your ear, or the way he sometimes kissed the tip of your nose.

"Drop the towel, Dean, and come here.” He was quick to do exactly what you said, and you marveled again at the strength and masculine beauty of his body. It felt even better than it looked when it was pressed against yours.

You welcomed him into your arms, and the  kiss you gave him was sweet and lingering with just enough of an invitation in it he could pursue it if he wanted to, and he did. He was on top of you pinning you to the mattress with his body, and his lips were claiming yours, needing yours.  

You threaded your fingers through his hair and gently bit his bottom lip. "I want you just the way you are Dean Winchester. Every single scar belongs to me. Every one of them. YOU belong to me. 

His erection twitched against your stomach. You had touched yourself while he was in the shower with his name on your lips, preparing yourself for him. Your body was more than ready to feel the sweet stretch of him inside you. 

You opened your legs for him, and he entered you slowly and smoothly. The feel of him, so perfectly joined to you this way had you dropping your head back against the pillow and biting your bottom lip. Dean moved with a slow and steady rhythm, increasing his speed gradually. As his thrusts got deeper and faster, your urge to scratch your nails down his back got stronger. You didn't, not tonight. There were already scratches on his back that you didn't put there. If you added your own scratches over them, it wouldn't be a pleasurable pain.  

You held onto the back of his neck instead, whispering his name and encouragement in his ear. Your orgasm was right on the brink of tearing through you, but you held back because you wanted to come with him. You knew it wouldn't be long; his thrusts had become erratic. Dean moaned your name loudly, and you felt the release of his hot seed inside you. That's when you let yourself go to fall over the edge with him.

Afterwards, he held you stroking his hand slowly up and down your back. "Y/N, do you ever think about having kids?" You listened, almost holding your breath; you hadn't expected this."I mean, is it something you want?" He turned his head so he could see you better.

You didn’t respond right away, weighing your answer. This subject had never come up before. "I've thought about it. Is it something you want, Dean?"

He was slow with his answer too and sighed before he spoke. "Yeah. I want kids. I probably think about it more than I should because I wouldn't be a very good father.”

You moved yourself on top of him, so you could look right down into his eyes. "Why do you say that, Dean?"

His hand had stopped moving on your back. All of his attention was focused on you, and the look in his eyes was heartbreaking. "I didn't have much of a role model in that department. I don't know how to be a father."

You ran your fingers through the hair above his temple. "Dean, you practically raised Sam. He's told me about it. You read to him. You put bandaids on his scrapes. You helped him with his homework.” Dean’s eyes had changed, the hard edge of pain in them softened by your words. “I could go on. You would be an amazing father. You’re great with kids. Not only would you be an incredible father, you're meant to be one."

Now, the look in his eyes was nothing short of wonder. “You really think that?”

“Yes, I do. You’re a natural.” You kissed him with a brush of your lips over his. Sometimes Dean understood physical affection in a way he didn’t accept words. 

He slowly opened his eyes after your mouth moved away from his. "Do you think that could work, having kids, living the way we do?” he asked. There was a touch of hope in his voice that you rarely heard there, but he still needed more reassurance. “I'm gone so much, and I would never want my kid to see me bloody the way you did tonight."

You told him what he needed to hear with the conviction of truly believing what you were saying to him. "Between you, me, and Sam someone would always be here to take care of the baby. We're a family. Families do that. And our child won't see you bloody. We can control things like that, Dean." 

The things you had told him were sinking in, and you gave him a little time before you took your pointer finger and started playing with his bottom lip. "Do you want to get me pregnant, Dean?"

"You mean like now?" You weren’t sure if he was surprised, scared, eager, or maybe all three.

You kissed along the scratches on his chest, wanting to replace all the pain he’d ever felt with something more gentle and more beautiful, something he deserved. "Well, I would have to stop taking birth control first, but yes pretty much now."

When you raised up to look at him, Dean put his hands on each side of your face, brought your lips down to his, and kissed you. "I love you, Y/N."

You loved him too. The complexity of who he was had brought a richness to your life and fulfilled you in a way you hadn’t imagined possible. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t a fairy tale. It was something better. Real. You would happily spend your life healing his wounds, the ones on the outside and the ones that were harder to see.

Everything: @gambitwinchester​ @princessmisery666​ @peridottea91​ @emilyshurley​ @beenlovingromansincedayoneish​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @waywardbaby​ @atc74​ @mariekoukie6661​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @terrarium-jpeg​ @emoryhemsworth​ @crashdevlin​ @jules-1999​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @sammyimpala-67​ @queenoftheunderdark​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @timelordy-fangirl2​ @sweetness47​ @hobby27​ @awesomesusiebstuff​ @kickingitwithkirk​ @becs-bunker​ @sandlee44​ @supernaturalgrandma​ @volleyballer519​ @kdfrqqg​ @lizette50​ @sorenmarie87​ @lovealways-j​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @spnbaby-67​ @wayward-and-worn​ @asthesunwentdown​ @vulgar-library​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @petit

 Dean/Jensen: @deansyahtzee​ @flamencodiva​ @deanwinchesterswitch​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @focusonspn​ @akshi8278​ @ladywinchester1967​ @sgarrett49​ @wingedcatninja​ @coffee-obsessed-writer​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @ellewritesfix05​ @weepingwillowphoenix​ 

#dean smut #dean angst #dean fluff #dean x reader #dean oneshot

[tintentrinkerin]

Title: Pink Pulse

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Rating: explicit

Tags: Bottom!Dean, Top!Sam, Witch OC, Magic, Demon Blood!Sam, Horny Idiots, Breeding kink, Dean has a magic pussy, slightly crack!fic

Summary: Dean wants to piss Ruby off and reclaim Sam as his. During a bender he meets Mandrake, a shady witch who offers him help.

Word Count: 4.5k

READ UNDER THE CUT OR ON AO3

When Dean Winchester regains his consciousness on this cold and foggy morning, he doesn’t really expect a surprise. He’s been drinking for a day… or maybe two, after Ruby, this damn bitch!, showed up again to lure Sam back. It’s her usual fucked up game, she does that when the angels aren’t looking. Sometimes, Dean knows it, Sam secretly calls her and when he sneaks out, Dean knows where’s going. And when he returns he stinks of blood and skank.

Dean’s head hurts like crazy. It takes several attempts for him to roll from his stomach to his back and then get a grip on the dumpster he’s lying next to and swing his body up. His feet feel jiggly and his stomach seems to be empty but he’s nauseous as hell. He hasn’t been robbed, that’s a good thing, his phone, his purse, even the keys to the Impala are still in his pockets. He checks his phone.

It’s 7.38am. Okay, great. He might’ve just passed out a few hours and if he’s super lucky, Baby is parked in close distance.

His phone shows several texts from Sam and from someone who calls themselves “Mandrake”. Doesn’t ring a bell. Not yet. Rather, Dean browses Sam’s texts which tone switches from mopey, to angry, to frightened and then there are over thirty missed calls. Holy shit, was Dean really gone for just a night? Dean tumbles out the alley and winks at the bright daylight he’s now exposed to. He might call Sam before he really freaks out. Some memories flare up in his brain about the damn fight, and that Dean insisted Sam was caught by Ruby so easily because he was underfucked and needed pussy a little too bad. He still thinks he’s right.

There is something to that word. Pussy. Dean loves saying it, Dean loves eating it, Dean loves everything revolving around it, but when he accused Sam of being a horny underfucked loser craving some, he felt bitter about it. A feeling that he had earlier, before Sam went to Stanford. Now Dean is a grown ass man with the Apocalypse on his heels, he has more pressing issues - or so it seems.

He phones Sam while stumbling through the alleys and trying to find Baby. Damn. His pants feel weird. Like he has a wedgie. In the front.

“Dean! For fuck’s sake, where are you?!”

Dean stops in his tracks and scratches his crotch.

“Chill out, Sammy. I’ll find out where I am, I just need to find the damn car.”

“I was a second away from letting Castiel locate you.”

“Forget the damn angel, I’m on my way.”

Sam scoffs into the phone.

“You’re such an idiot. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“No, no, I don’t. I thought you’re sucking pussy all night.”

Sam hangs up without another word.

There it is again, this fucking thought. That Sam could be out fucking Ruby while he’s been… what? What exactly happened between nightfall and now? There was a fight, not physical, but Dean has been so fucking close to slap the bitch across the face. Sam stopped him.

Dean finds the pub where he supposedly was drinking his anger away. It’s closed. The “Full Moon”. And it’s been a full moon last night. How damn right poetic. His phone rings.

“Yo, Sammy - wanna apologize and admit you’ve been eatin’ her all night?”

A female voice on the phone laughs. Dean frowns.

“Who’s this?”

“Mandrake. Don’t you remember?”

“I remember jack. Where’d you get my number?”

Dean knows, he should hang up. This is maybe a very bad idea. Give too much away. This woman sounds familiar but a lot of women do, he’s not exactly in celibacy since he’s back from Hell.

“I got it from you, idiot. And I got something else.”

Dean follows the main road for as long as he somehow feels he’s been here before. He surely didn’t drive far from the motel but far enough that Sam wouldn’t find him. This is so not usual for Dean. Being a mopey idiot? Yes. Getting drunk? Also very much yes. It itches in Dean’s pants and when he makes sure no one’s looking he sticks his hands in his boxers.

Holy shit. What the fuck.

Sam can’t focus. He sits at the motel room’s table, trying to do research, but he just can’t block out all of the things that distract him. The flickering TV. The humming of the air conditioning system. His fingernails clicking on his laptop’s keyboard. The thoughts. All of his thoughts combined as sinister and hilarious and frightening they are at the same time. Dean’s been gone for two damn nights. Okay, now he’s back, sitting on the sofa, manspreading. Only in his now deflated looking underwear. Watching something on TV that Sam can’t process. He sees the images, but his mind is racing like crazy around all the other things. The goosebumps on his own arms, the sound of his own breath. He feels the harsh and fast pumping of his heart, circulating his blood. He can feel his pupils dilate. And his legs won’t hold still. He has to move somehow.

Ruby’s blood wasn’t enough last time. The fuck wasn’t enough. Everything aches inside Sam. Anger is like a fist in his stomach but he isn’t quite sure if the anger is the fuel of everything.

He knows Dean hates it when he bounces like this, his legs are shaking and damn, something is pressing against the zipper of his jeans. Of course it’s not something. Thing is, he wants to ignore it.

Dean seems to be calm right now, but he’s sitting right under the air conditioning, the blow is ruffling his hair while he stares on the screen, his arms crossed, legs spread out. He scratches himself. There. Sam follows the movement and gulps.

And then, shit, Sam, stop fucking looking at your brother’s crotch! - but he can’t stop! - Dean isn’t scratching anymore. Two of his fingers press right between his thighs, the fabric rustles, and it turns wet. The fucking boxers get wet. Dean doesn’t even seem to notice, but he should. It’s his body! It’s his-

Sam can’t even think it without feeling a rush of hot blood and sharp imaginary knives stabbing his lower stomach. Pulse spikes up. Pupils dilated. Mouth waters. Sam tries to hide a grunt but he can’t.

“Sammy, you good?”, Dean asks, still rubbing his-

Sam looks at him. He must look like a drug addict in withdrawal. Well, maybe he is. He’s maybe addicted to- it’s all Ruby’s fault. She came when Dean died and she lured him in, now he can’t stop thinking of her warm salty blood in his mouth. Or his teeth on her skin. His tongue-

“Fuck.”

Dean looks irritated.

“Hey, look. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you angry, I don’t even remember most of the fight. It’s only twelve or thirteen days from now and I’m-- I’m normal again.”

Sam inhales. Dean’s scent was building over the last couple of hours and now it’s so thick, musky and intoxicating that it’s hard to ignore it.

“Shut up and take a shower.”

Dean now closes his legs and presses his hands on his thighs. He looks at Sam with furrowed eyebrows.

“There’s nicer ways to tell me I still stink of garbage.”

If it was only fucking garbage! Sam is so close to yell it, to jump up, throw the table over or punch a wall.

“You don’t stink.”

“Then what?”

Dean gets up and walks towards the table. His chest is heaving, Sam notices. Breathing heavy. Such a broad chest, covered in goosebumps. Sam feels incredibly sick all of a sudden.

“I can smell…”, Sam needs to cover his mouth and nose with his hand. The closer Dean comes the worse it gets.

“Now tell me already, if I don’t stink anymore what’s the problem?”

“Dean, I could smell a chipmunk’s fart from miles away, that is a problem.”

Sam needs to breathe. He jumps up and throws himself over to the window and opens it. He should’ve done that way earlier, he realizes. But Dean is behind him now.

“Unless we have chipmunks with flatulences in here, I still don’t have a clue what’s going on.”

Dean touches Sam’s shoulder. Adrenaline. Dopamine. Oh holy shit, the whole hormonal time bomb erupts inside Sam’s body. When he turns around, he’s sure he looks super frightening to Dean, but he can’t stop, won’t stop and pulls Dean close. Dean freezes. A shaky little laugh.

“Sammy… what…”

“I can smell your pussy”, Sam growls, his lips on Dean’s skin.

Dean doesn’t smell like a woman at all, everything about him is testosterone, if there wasn’t this tiny anomaly about him.

That he got himself hexed by a shady witch.

There’s no struggle against Sam’s force when he pushes Dean against the table and then -- as if he waited for it -- Dean hops on that table, opens his legs for Sam.

“What are you doing?”, he still asks, his green eyes big and glassy, lips a cute pout.

Sam has no answer to that than before: “Your smell drives me mad. I need…”

What does Sam need? His brother? His magical pussy? Or wouldn't it be easier to run away to mountains nearby and scream from the bottom of his lungs until he passed out?

Decisions, decisions.

Dean's face has the colour of fresh pink guava juice, his freckles pop, his eyes pop. His lips part for a second. His tongue flicks. No Sam knows exactly what he needs.

“Do you need it? My pussy?” Dean whispers. He slowly pulls his boxer briefs down to his ass but then Sam needs to help, Dean clings on him, Sam pulls. Dean lays across the - thank GOD, long table and is spread out like a delicious meal, while Sam frees Dean from the fabric. It's more ripping then pulling and Sam groans, shit, he's ripped them apart. But then, when Dean opens his legs even more, lying here on his back like a beetle, helpless and weirdly pliant, the odor of Dean's pussy makes Sam cuss and tumble.

“Fuck, Dean…”

“Huh? Not good?”

Sam is out of words, super-ego just logged out with an ‘I have no power here’ and damn right it doesn't!

Dean's pussy is perfect. Another grunt. Holy shit. Instead of an answer for Dean, Sam kneels between Dean's wonderfully wide spread legs. His brother is the definition of a bottom here. Just opening his legs for anyone. Even Sam. The smell is intense and rich, Sam knows it from the other women he's been with... but Dean has one perfect twist. He smells like Sam's brother, too. Musky and citric. And that makes Sam go lizard brain.

“I need to taste you.”

Dean now even slides closer, his legs lie on Sam's shoulder. Sam jerks up and leans over the table, over Dean's naked body. This pussy is just the material of Sam's wet dreams. His nose rubs Dean's skin under his belly button and Dean moans.

“Do it, Sammy. Fucking do it or I'll push your face in my pussy myself.”

Well. Not the worst threat he's ever received. Sam's hand trails between Dean's legs and when he feels the wetness, a fucking intense wetness that is spread all over. Even the thighs are a little glossy from Dean's fluids.

Sam needs to see. Going down, he pushes Dean's legs apart even wider and dives in between these legs. Pink and juicy, dripping wet. The smells almost knocks him out, makes his mouth water and a generous drop of drool falls from his lips. He cannot fucking take that anymore. And Sam pushes Dean closer to him, winds his arms under Dean's now trembling legs and -

Dean cries out, muscles flex, he kicks out, then sinks down again. Just one damn lick.

Sam is in such rage that he can't be fully a gentleman here and do everything slowly, patiently. He's hungry and his primal urge has taken over. Greedy, he licks up and down Dean's labia, tongue working and opening his brother's pussy up and Dean sounds so fucking hot. No girl or guy ever made him sound so needy and so desperate for a fuck. He tastes just as good as Sam imagines when he sucks the thick and sweet wetness from Dean's pussy, sucks on the folds while his fingers run up and down Dean's thighs and Sam needs one free hand now, his thumb rubbing just above the hood of the clit, other finger just teasing his entrance. Not really pushing it in, just a little rubbing while Sam sucks and licks and circles Dean's clit with his tongue.

Dean feels like he is losing his mind. Not only that Sam really is between his legs and gives him mind blowing oral sex, fuck, Dean loves it. He thought Sam was angry but the way he devoured Dean's pussy, anger was definitely gone. He can't stop moaning and winding and his hands in Sam's hair. When he looks down and sees his brother's face up and down, he looks very focused on what he's doing. And in Dean feelings build up, it's a heat and a tumbling, never felt like this.

In a moment of taking a deep breath and Sam looks up, Dean's juices run down his chin and in the collar of his shirt. “Dean, you taste so good…” he says and bites in Dean's thigh. Doesn't hurt. “Better than anything.”

Dean shudders. He needs more.

“Sammy, keep going.”

Sam smirks, his thumb circling Dean’s now swollen and hot clit, his whole pussy is slick with his wetness. No woman Sam ever had sex got that wet.

His thumb is gentle, a perfect rhythm of circling. Stopping. Circling. Stopping. Little pressure. Dean’s body feels on fire.

“Is that what the girls tell you when you go down on them?” Sam asks, his voice rustling leaves.

Dean can’t help but utter a short, almost hysterical laugh.

“I never really listened.”

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk, Sam clicks his tongue.

“You should’ve. Not only that. Listen to what they say but what-”

Sam finger slides in Dean’s wet pussy with one fast but well adjusted movement. Dean winds and arches his back. Tries to get Sam’s finger away and yet…

“-when they want to escape you, you’re doing it right.”

“Sam, for fuck’s sake! I had enough sex with enough people to know the god damn basics!”

But feeling it himself gives him a whole new sense for it. Sam’s finger moves, wet sounds, in and out and it takes not even a blink and Dean begs for more. Two fingers, holy shit, Sam’s fingers are thick and long and when he starts fucking Dean’s pussy with them while sucking on his clit, the impulse to turn on his stomach and either crawl away or present his naked ass to invite Sam to fuck him -- Dean wants both!

Sam’s ‘come hither’ movements tighten the knot in Dean’s stomach. That’s not what an orgasm feels like for him when he’s about to blow. This is so much deeper, feel tight and hot right up to his lower belly. The noises Sam makes as he sucks Dean’s clit are downright vulgar. And the faster Dean’s breath goes, the more he tries to wind away, Sam’s hand around his upper thigh is a bench vice - he won’t let Dean go. Not unless…

Dean can feel it. He whines “fuck, Sammy, ‘m gonna cum…” and this would be the same moment he came. If Sam just sucked his dick. But this is… slower. And Sam goes absolutely frantic, like a boxer he just goes for Dean’s weak spots and he has definitely found them now and he rubs Dean’s insides, sucks his clit, damn how big can such a tiny thing swell? And Dean fucks himself on these fingers, his rhythm clashes against Sam’s, the bigger the friction, the better. His fingers clench in Sam’s hair and then finally, Dean comes, he feels like exploding, black dots in his sight and he has to close his eyes. His heartbeat goes straight up to his throat, only faint moans, a ‘holy fu…’ but he can’t even finish a fucking curse. Sam won’t stop fucking him, but slower now, more gentle. His tongue presses against Dean’s clit. Dean feels Sam’s breath on his wet skin. Everything tingles still, Dean’s hornystupidmanbrain is on standby, extremities just twitch helplessly.

When Dean opens his eyes he only sees the dirty brown ceiling and the dim light.

“I need a smoke”, Dean blurts out. Oh, the sweet refusal to acknowledge what just happened.

“Fuck, you clenched so hard I thought you would break my fingers.”

Sam sounds so deep, so gravely. Does Ruby hear that a lot?

Dean laughs, trying not to choke on his jealousy. Sam just ate him out. His brother. Just. Ate. Him. Out! Dean feels like he took drugs, heavy, light, euphoric. Not tired. This doesn’t seem to end in a hangover.

“Sam. I really, really wanted that”, another stupid thing to stay. But Dean’s stupid, especially when things are about Sam.

Sam scoffs. “I guessed, otherwise you would’ve punched me to a pulp.”

“Damn right…”

Dean covers his face with his arm, the dim light is too much right now. His breath hasn’t even calmed down yet and somehow, he has to admit, he’s not satisfied. The climax gave him a solid blank for a couple seconds but even now he’s throbbing and wet, Sam’s spit hasn’t made him any drier.

Dean is still a powerhouse of sex, Sam can’t deny it. Resting between his legs doesn’t help but he doesn’t dare to get up and reveal that he is rock-hard and ready. Eating his brother out has been a wild ride already, something he maybe dreamed of as a teenager (but even then - who would imagine Dean as a girl?), of sucking him off like he saw when Dean brought a girl or a dude home. Sam needs to get himself up, slowly, Dean is lying there, arm covering his eyes, but a smile on his face. He grins like an idiot. It’s cute.

Silence.

Awkward.

Sam doesn’t know what to say now, he’s lost control, because his brother grew a pussy. How could you ever explain that? Gladly he doesn’t have to.

Dean gets up, his eyes look teary, but not in the sad I’m-about-to-cry way. He rather pulls Sam close and whispers, something so idiotic, something so innocent, and yet something that makes Sam’s boner grow even more.

“You didn’t even kiss me first.”

“Sorry”, Sam replies, he’s just as stupid.

Dean makes it easy for Sam, wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck and kissing him. This is just another short circuit for him and before Sam realizes what he’s doing, his vision turns red. His instincts and his lust are wired to the taste and smell of blood - and Ruby. This is not Ruby. Gladly, this is not Ruby. It’s Dean. The one he thought of when it first happened, the one he was mourning so deeply. Now he gets what he wants from the person he wants. Bingo.

His brother is heavy, but Sam’s strength is to be reckoned with these days. It’s easy to lift him up - Dean’s legs wind around his hips, his ass feels so great. Firm. Dean moans in his mouth when Sam throws him on one of the motel beds and follows, laying his full weight on his brother.

“Sammy…”

Damn, Dean’s fumbling on his zipper.

“You’re big.”

Scoff.

“Am I?”

“Yeah.” Dean looks really intrigued. Sam lets it happen. Dean slides a hand in his boxer briefs and squeezes his raging dick.

“Fuck. Dean.”

These big pleading eyes. Sometimes Dean looks at him like this. And he looks younger than Sam now. Needy. Small. Vulnerable. Sam can never say no when Dean looks like this. He kicks out of his jeans and Dean is so damn impatient. Fabric tears on the seams. Sam doesn’t care.

The way Dean strokes him, the close they are it would be easy, way too easy just to slide inside Dean. Feel his wetness, how tight. How hot. And greedy. Swallowing Sam’s cock like he did with his fingers. Dean stops him. Sam’s heart sinks. It hurts.

“Take everything off”, Dean just says, “I don’t want to feel like quick fuck-”

Sam just has to laugh.

“Never”, he vows and then pulls the shirt over his head and throws it over his shoulder.

The way he towers over Dean, ready to mount, he feels like a steam breathing monster. He really shouldn’t do that. He’s spiralling down to something he never wanted to be. But he can be with Dean this way. Just this once…?

More than once…?

Dean’s legs around his hips trap him now, he can feel the slick wet folds on his cock already and all he can do now is just thrust in. Around his fingers Dean already felt like heaven and hell on earth, but this. Sam hisses, he feels like growing fangs, he digs his teeth in Dean’s neck, he tastes salt and sweat, Dean whimpers but doesn’t complain.

“God… so deep…”, he says. Like he can’t believe it.

“Hurts?”

Dean makes a sound that says ‘nuh-uh’ and that’s enough for Sam. He even pulls Sam closer, his legs force his cock deeper inside this fucking wet and inviting pussy.

This is so much better than Ruby. He needs to fucking forget her. The deeper he sinks, the harder he thrusts and sweat runs down in his eyes and makes them sting, he forgets about what all of this could mean for them. He just wants to fuck Dean silly. And Dean clings on him like he’s drowning in this feeling, no matter how harsh Sam is. His hips are snapping, damn, it must hurt, right? He eventually slows down to kiss Dean sloppily and open mouthed, their moans intertwining and building a cacophony of sounds, loud and rough, soft at the same time. Sam manages to slow down a little and Dean relaxes.

“I want you to fuck me from behind”, Dean mumbles on Sam’s lips, trying to hide the fact he’s blushing deep.

Sam huffs.

“Yeah. Whatever you want.” Babe.

He almost called Dean babe. Sam winds out, slides out, winces. It feels so good, Dean’s so wet, Dean’s just perfect.

On all fours, arms spread out like a silly yoga pose, back stretched… Sam definitely dreamt of this more than once. This time he pushes in slowly, and Dean arches his back. His breath staggers, yelps. But yet again, after a second of adjusting, Dean starts moving. Fucking himself on Sam’s cock and saying such nasty, irritating, hot things. He mewls and begs for more and then.

“God, Sammy, cum inside me!”

Sam stops. Dean repeats. “Cum inside me!”

There’s no way Sam can deny him, he’s close since Dean started working him like he did it a thousand times already. Sam grips those hips tight, leaves white marks, then pink long traces of his fingernails as he snaps in Dean’s pussy, shit, these sounds. Juicy and full, and Dean’s longing. This is the best fuck. This is it. This is what will blow Sam’s mind for hours, the whole night. Days.

“You want me to breed you, big bro?”, he hears himself say, the animalistic side, awake, fully in rage makes him say it, he can’t stop. “You want me to pump my load in ya?”

Dean nods frantically, his mewling and crying is so pretty. He’s still bouncing on Sam’s cock, his wonderful, round and firm ass, perfect for slapping. And Sam does. Dean whimpers, “please, more, Sammy, more!”

Sam claws at Dean’s hair, pulls it, overstretching his neck. He’s so out of control he might fuck Dean all bruised and sore.

“Touch your clit, c’mon babe, rub it. Cum on my cock and you’ll get it. I’ll knock you up”, whoa.

Dean does it, his hand traces down his body and he starts rubbing his swollen, red, overstimulated clit, squeezes it between his fingers and starts rubbing, circling.. hard to find the thing that gets you going, right? But soon, Dean writhes even more, his voice turns higher. Legs start shaking. “I think I’m gonna-”

He cums on Sam’s cock, clenching and moaning, getting so wet it drenches Sam’s crotch and runs down both their legs. The feeling is amazing, Sam’s checked out once again, babbling “Good boy, good boy” and then shoots a generous load of cum, he tumbles and hips snap and snap, until he’s finished.

They collapse, sweaty and gasping for air, Dean makes incoherent post orgasm noises.

Another period of silence that is only interrupted by the usual motel room sounds that creep back in Sam’s ears. He wants to pull out but Dean claws on his arm, his legs trapping Sam’s.

“No, no. Not yet. Please not yet.”

Sam sinks back and gives Dean what he needs, the closeness. Even though after some time fluids will dry and get cold. It will get sticky and that’s when Sam will have the urge to shower.

Not with Dean. They stay like this for minutes before Dean turns around, Sam lets him. They lay beside each other and the whole scene is hilariously and bizarrely romantic. They keep kissing and Dean’s like the devourer of Sam’s kisses and affections.

Dean rubs his nose on Sam’s, humming. He seems so proud of himself, so satisfied, but then his eyes widen.

“Oh. Shit.”

He gets up on one elbow and looks at the mess they made. Cum is leaking out of him and he wipes it from his thigh. Tastes it.

“Dean, really?”

“Hey. It’s only natural. Have you never been curious?”

Sam shrugs. “Yeah I was, but I never thought you would be.”

“You know this breeding kink thing. I did that before but I- I mean. Hot fantasy, works with anal but… Do I need an emergency pill now?”

Dean’s face is deadpan serious. Sam clears his throat to hide that he actually wants to laugh. How could he know?

“Just to be sure, I would say a magical pussy isn’t spunk proof. We could get to a pharmacy ...”

Dean falls silent and leans into Sam. There’s so many things unsaid and he’s not in the mood to unpack it. Sam is reluctant either. It’s enough for him to hold Dean close, pet his hair and keep kissing him over and over until they feel in the mood again. That Dean’s been hexed is a secondary matter. They will enjoy it as long it lasts.

Sam goes down on Dean, even when he’s still leaking cum, he just swallows it, he doesn’t mind. And when they get tangled into each other, both thinking ‘well, if he needs an emergency pill we’ll make it worth it’.

Consequences? Which consequences?

Apocalypse might come, they might enjoy every fucked up delightful thing along the way.

#wincest #dean x sam #sam winchester #dean winchester #rating:nc 17 #dean with a pussy #wincest smut

[ender-baggins]

Just watched 14x13 Lebanon.

Will preface with the fact that this was a bit of my commentary on the previous episode, and that I do think John Winchester was a crap parent

Lebanon was a pretty good episode, actually. I know some people hate it, and I started off prepared to seethe every moment that John was on screen. but then I managed to get one foot out of the John-crit zone and put it in Sam and Dean’s shoes, and looking at it from both perspectives? The episode has a lot of nuance to it.

Spoilers for this 14x13 Lebanon (obviously)

Overall I think the most important thing to remember about this episode: the theme is that some things are too good to be true.

I knew which episode it was, but I was surprised because I thought it has been in season 15, and then John didn’t show up for a while, so I thought I was wrong until the Pearl came up.

I gotta hand it to Jensen. When John appeared, there were so many emotions packed into Dean’s face in that first short scene, I had to rewatch it several times to get them. Part of it was simple shock, but I could also see… something a little like panic in his face, along with Waay too many emotions for me to name.

The conversation between Sam and John was… I started off mad and then focused more on Sam’s perspective and realized that… yeah, Sam isn’t the same person he was last time he saw his dad. And he didn’t get closure. He never got a chance to get real closure on it, and then here, he did, at least in some form.

Also, interesting thing I noticed- I could see the beginnings of how it could turn into another argument, and John said something that seemed a little accusatory, “you didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left,” and then Sam was like “nope, not gonna argue, not gonna do it, REDIRECTING-“ Which, after what Dean said in the scene before—

—Sam doesn’t want to mess this up for Dean. No way is he gonna start a fight, not now, not when they just got their dad back.

I don’t like the last line of Sam and John’s conversation: “But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.” Because honestly- it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t. And… dammit he could have done better. But then again, that’s Sam’s dad, and he’s been dead for over a decade, and sometimes people tend to put rose-colored glasses on over the past. So I’ll still happily condemn John’s parenting but I won’t condemn Sam just because he’s unable to see things for what they are in this case.

Now- my absolute favorite part of this entire episode is the section of Sam and Dean going to get groceries and noticing things are changed, and realizing “oh shit, what else is different?”

One, gotta love Dean for implying that Sam being a kale nut is a worse thing than Dean being considered a serial killer by society (which, it’s not like society is wrong??). Like, ah yes, wonderful priorities there, Dean. You’re a wanted killer with your face up in the town, but clearly Sam giving a lecture about the wonders of kale is a much worse thing. (If you can’t tell, I’m being incredibly sarcastic here)

And then here. Castiel’s appearance. I was screeching watching this. Completely freaking out- so much adrenaline. I bet if I’d taken my pulse it would have been skyrocketing-

This was followed by the scene of Castiel and Zachariah in the restaurant, which was Awesome, very clearly highlighting the difference that Dean and the Winchesters made in Cas’s life (later this will be relevant in the Confession - “You changed me, Dean”).

*cue me posting an unnecessary amount of screenshots*

Castiel unfurls his wings—

(Note the messy hair from flying around everywhere. Not the same as his old haircut, but they did what they could with Misha’s hair at the time)

Notice that Dean’s got the angel blade point down, and when he attacks Castiel, he’s using the blunt end to hit him, not the sharp end

(On the other hand, Sam uses the sharp end of the blade to swipe at Castiel. No judgement from me here, Sam sees this as “not our Cas” while Dean still sees this as “my Cas, I can talk him away from Heaven again.”)

Then, the most interesting thing here- when Cas pins Dean agains the wall, Dean’s not even trying to fight Cas here.

See how his hand settles on Castiel’s chest? Not really pressing, just touching. His other hand is gripping Castiel’s wrist, I imagine to try to remove enough pressure from his neck that he can speak. Trying to use his connection to Cas to get Castiel to stop hurting him. And it doesn’t work. Castiel stares him the eyes, not even a flicker of doubt or questioning.

You’ll note that I referred to alternate Castiel in this episode as exclusively “Castiel” and not “Cas.” Because it’s not Cas. Cas is the angel that saved Dean from Hell, and the angel that’s been by Dean’s side for 11 years (at this point in time). And this Castiel has not done that. So he is not Cas.

I’m reminded of the scene wayy back in season 5 where Cas beats Dean up in the alley for trying to give up and give in to Michael. There, Dean actually encouraged Cas to kill him, at the end, and Cas softens. Can’t exactly parse out the parallels there because my brain isn’t working, but there you go.

Now, probably my favorite conversation with John is this one, with Dean.

Right here. The way that Dean says “I have a family.”

It feels almost defiant. “I do have a family. I have Sam, Cas, Mom, Jack. My mother, my brother, my best friend… and I have a son, we all have a son. And beyond that, I’ve got Jody and Donna and Claire and the girls. I do have a family. Yeah, it doesn’t look like the apple pie life, the white picket fence, wife and kids, and yeah, our son is the child of Lucifer, and yeah, I’m in love with my best friend who’s an angel in a man’s body, and I wouldn’t trade him for any woman, and you’d hate that. But they’re my family. And I’m good with that.”

It’s proud, it’s a little defiant, it’s also a little bit of a reassurance, as we see from John’s smile afterward. I don’t think John caught the hint of a challenge in there.

I loved that moment. That might be my favorite line in the entire episode. “I have a family.”

I also like… Dean’s acceptance, “I’m good with who I am.” Part of that… I think it’s both a good thing and a sad thing and also a half lie at the same time. I think he’s good with who he is, in the sense that he’s accepted that he and Sam are the people that have to fill this role in the world, y’know, saving everyone. I think he loves the people he’s with, he loves his family and wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even having John back. No way would he ever trade Cas or Jack or Sam, or Mary, for anything else, ever.

It’s sad, though, because it’s like… he can’t imagine who he’d be if he had a different life. Yes, he’s had a few runs at an apple-pie life, but they weren’t happy, there was always something wrong nagging at him. He… I think he believes there’s no way for him to be happy, and that this is the best he could have.

I’m not even sure how to analyze the goodbye scene. I mean, the clearest thing here is just so much grief from everyone. They got a taste of their father back, and now he has to go back to being dead. There’s so many complicated feelings for both of the brothers, because of the complicated relationship with John, but in the end? They can’t help but love him, and they can’t help but feel grief at losing him. I won’t fault them for that.

In short, I wanna give Dean a gigantic hug and also give him therapy-

And then Cas coming back to the bunker when he did. I bet he sensed something and headed back to the bunker as fast as he could. Also, no clue what he experienced during the whole “Castiel and Zachariah are alive” thing. I imagine it’s possible there were two Cas’s running around for a bit? Because Mary didn’t get affected by the pearl. And Sam was there with his own memories, despite there being videos up of him doing things in the parallel universe. As for Cas, he’s part of Dean’s group of “people” so my guess is two Castiels running around for a little bit.

I like how Dean looks at Cas at the end. He’s relieved to have his angel back.

In summary-

The theme of this episode is “some things are too good to be true.” John came back, the four of them got their moment together, but John couldn’t stay. Things were good for that single afternoon, because everyone was just happy to see each other again, but it sent so much stuff into chaos that it couldn’t last, it had to be undone. And even then, if they’d tried to keep going with it, I know it would have degraded, the illusion of perfection would shatter, and they’d fall into old habits, old arguments and new ones.

And so it had to end.

#THIS IS NOT JOHN APOLOGISM #JOHN IS A TERRIBLE PARENT #HE MAY HAVE APOLOGIZED BUT THAT DOESN’T ABSOLVE HIM OF HIS ACTIONS #john winchester #spn 14x13 #spn Lebanon #dean winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #castiel #jack kline #destiel #supernatural #Ender’s musings

[assortedpuzzlepieces]

Ok, I’m about to go off on a GIANT rant about a specific issue I have with John Winchester & how the show intentionally & canonically portrays him as an ableist, homophobic asshole through his portrayal by JDM, so buckle up.

For the record, this is something I’ve always believed, but after listening to podcast episodes from @otrsupernatural & Carrying Wayward, one super clear example of why has just snapped into place & I feel compelled to share it.

So I want to start by noting a couple things that stand out. First & foremost, I think JDM is an incredible actor & I think he brings his A game with his portrayal of John. John Winchester is undeniably an asshole, & yet JDM balances that so well against the idea of loving parent, to not only make the character more realistic, but also to give real authenticity & depth to the trauma his children experienced at his hands & answer why they act the way they do in regards to him as their parent.

John is someone who, on the surface, appears to be a loving and concerned father, who makes mistakes, but does so because he’s in shitty circumstances & doesn’t have a lot of options or has his own trauma to battle that limits the choices he believes he has.

However, the show also gives us other content that proves there is more to John than that caring but broken man from as early as S1 & into the beginning of S2, & this content screams the truth of his ableism & homophobia, & gives some really strong evidence as to why these are two of the primary struggles of his children through the end of the series.

To explain, we 1st have to look at characters from earlier in S1. In 1x10, Asylum, we are introduced to Dr. Ellicott. He is shown to be someone who is canonically ableist to people with MHI. He sees them as less human, he does unethical experiments on them, he tortures them, just, lots of gross stuff there. On top of that, we see him as a ghost using what appears to be electrical shocks to Sam & Dean to possess & harm them, which resembles electroshock. There are also strong echoes of conversion therapy in this episode.

After this, we have 1x12, Faith, where Sue Ann is using dark magic to attack & murder people she hates, which specifically includes a woman who was pro choice & a gay man. This not only shows that she was homophobic, but that she condemned sexual freedom & bodily autonomy for women as well, which is in relation to homophobia, as well as deeply rooted in misogyny.

So essentially, we are shown a doctor who tries to force people to be less mentally ill or queer by “curing” them, & then a woman who took it a step further & murdered them to “cleanse” the town. We are given two different, but very interwoven ways with which society has tried to get rid of queers & disabled people, & it’s not subtext, it’s literally stated.

Now, in the show, both Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are the villains, & while the show demonstrates their ableism & homophobia, it also clearly condemns them for those actions. They are both dead/gone by the end of the episode & their actions are shown as evil. This is SO important, especially for a show that has failed in other episodes to truly state what exactly is the problematic action in the episode (looking at you, Bugs & Route 666).

That said, if Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are villains, then we must also extrapolate that ableism & homophobia are intentionally being written as evil in the show, so other characters who demonstrate these actions are also bad. (Yes, I know I’m being super redundant right now, but I just want to be really damn clear on this to demonstrate why I believe John’s characterization is intentional).

Now, in 1x21, John finally “learns” about Sam’s psychic abilities, & I say that in quotes bc there’s reason to believe he knew about it already from Missouri & was just in denial until confronted with the evidence, at which point he has a very strong reaction. As Ali pointed out, it’s interesting that he has such a strong negative reaction, as he clearly doesn’t have an issue with Missouri as a psychic, & yet he’s upset about Sam being one. He demonstrates the mindset of “othering” people outside of his family, which is a common treatment of both people w/ MHI & queer people - the mentality that “those people” are fine in general, but “not my son/daughter/family/me”.

So here in that episode, we are already getting an attitude from him that clearly parallels ableism & homophobia, & that is on top of other comments he made that are clearly rooted in misogyny, like his “that’s my man” to Dean in the flashback in Something Wicked This Way Comes (1x18).

THEN - the final nail in the coffin is the “secret” he tells Dean before he dies in 2x1; that Dean needs to either save Sam or stop him. By now it’s crystal clear he views Sam as something “other”, something not fully human, & his response? It’s literally “cure or cleanse”. Either make him “normal” or get rid of him.

To repeat, John LITERALLY uses ableist & homophobic language & tactics towards him son because he is different, & also tries to force Dean to do the same, passing on that legacy, by trying to erase anything about Sam thats not his personal definition of “normal”, all out of FEAR of who his son is & what he might do.

And the show CONDEMNS this behavior from the very beginning, even before we ever see him act this way!! They make it clear that ableism & homophobia are BAD, show John act that way, & then condemn him AGAIN when Dean tells Sam & it is made clear to the audience that what John asked of him was wrong.

Like… holy fuck. There is literally no way I can watch this & not believe that his characterization was not 100% intentional with him being set up as a bad person & his actions as condemnable. It’s just not narratively possible. John Winchester was intentionally written to be an asshole & we are supposed to see him as one, & any love we see from him is only meant to validate the complicated feelings Sam & Dean have towards him, not undermine the knowledge that he is a bad person. It’s literally in the text.

*Edit - Im adding a point here, since it’s been brought to my attention. John’s concern about Sam being infected with demon blood & possibly corrupted does not detract from the parallel being made between his actions & those of IRL people who are homophobic or ableist. In fact, this is another argument for that in interpretation, & here is why -

For literal thousands of years, mental illness has been viewed as demonic. People w/ MHI were thought to be possessed, evil incarnations, or even just sinfully corrupt & given to wickedness. People w/ physical disabilities were believed to be punished for moral failings, not faithful enough, etc, etc. Queer people were believed to be sexually deviant, witches, destroyers of families, etc.

These beliefs carry across many religions, but especially Christianity, & are present even today in some more extreme sects. And the people that believed these things? Well many of them were parents who “loved” their child & were trying to protect them from evil by purifying them. They too believed they had valid fears & good reasons to torture, maim, & even kill their children.

So to anyone who would argue “well it’s not the same because John had a good reason to be afraid of Sam” - shut the fuck up, because no, he didn’t.

Sam hadn’t hurt anyone. He wasn’t doing anything worth killing him over. He was a good kid who was hurt by someone outside his control & yet he only started doing anything that was truly wrong when he was pushed to it by circumstances that were again, beyond his control, & only then bc he was trying to do what was right!!

Anyone would do that, not just a kid w/ some demon blood powers. So let’s not act like he was inherently dangerous just BC he was different, bc guess what? That’s part of that mindset too. Sam was a good fucking person & John seeing him as less was John’s failing, not Sam’s.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #i hate john winchester #ableism #homophobia #misogyny #othering #asshole John Winchester

[wayward-dreamer]

Life’s Lessons - Part 6

Title: Life’s Lessons - A Lesson in Starting Fresh

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean x Female!Teacher!Reader (eventual)

Other Pairings: Dean x Lisa, Female!Reader x OMC – Ethan (past, mentioned), Female!Reader x OMC – Mark

Word Count: 7,712 (messages, thoughts, lyrics in italics).

Part Summary: Y/N and Dean try to distract themselves from what happened the night before, despite the fact that they can’t stop thinking about each other. However, after an incident at school between Ben and another student, Y/N makes a difficult decision. Later, as she meets someone who could help her forget about Dean, he finds out what Lisa’s been hiding from him.

Warnings: Angst, Guilt, Alcohol consumption, Some fluff, Mentions of cheating.

Music: Good as Hell by Lizzo (playing in the background as Y/N gets dressed for girls’ night out), Starting Over by Chris Stapleton (Y/N and Mark scene).

Life’s Lessons Spotify Playlist

A/N: I loved reading all of your responses to Part 5, I’m so happy you guys loved it and were surprised and shocked! That’s what I live for hahaha! I hope you guys continue to enjoy this series as we move forward. It’s a bit of ride, but I promise the result is going to be worth it! Thank you so much for all of your support, it really means a lot. Happy reading and enjoy! :)

Life’s Lessons Masterlist 

The next morning brought cloudy skies, a gloom that matched the way Y/N was feeling as her eyes fluttered open. She turned her head and looked out the window, frowning as she saw the clouds in the sky. She loved the summer but now with fall settling in, the hopes for even one more day of warmth were over.

The thoughts of Dean hadn’t left her mind since the night before, as much as she tried to not think about him. The way he felt against her, his hard torso against hers, his calloused hands against her skin, the feeling of his muscles against her hands even through his shirt, his lips against hers… it had all stirred feelings within her that she wished she didn’t have for someone who was taken. She couldn’t do anything about the way she was feeling.

As she stood up from the bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, she couldn’t help but think about how much more complicated things had gotten. All because she couldn’t keep away from Dean.

She really was in trouble.

The shower turned on, wetting Dean’s hair as he tilted his head into the spray. The water flowed down his back, seeping into his skin. He closed his eyes and stroked the water through his hair a few times to get it soaked down to the scalp. He opened his eyes and stared at the tiled wall in front of him. He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened last night. The way Y/N felt against him, her smooth skin against his calloused fingers, her soft lips kissing his. He couldn’t get her out of his mind; being that close to her turning him on in ways he hadn’t been in a long time.

As Dean finished up in the shower and got dressed for the day, his mind was still on Y/N. However, guilt washed over him. He felt like he needed another shower. Maybe ten. It had been quite a few months since he and Lisa had been intimate in any way. The last time they even tried to start something up, she stopped him before anything could happen, saying she had lost the urge. He knew there were other ways to be close to someone but having been in a relationship for 3 years, and suddenly lacking a sex life in the last few months meant that he was incredibly frustrated. It had been a lot of time with his hand, in the shower or the bedroom when no one was around. He had never strayed however, and he wouldn’t, even if he had a moment of weakness with Y/N. He had stopped himself and he was going to make an effort with Lisa. Then maybe, just maybe, they could go back to the way things were.

Dean walked into the kitchen, seeing her and Ben laughing about some video on her phone, as they ate breakfast. He smiled as he saw her face light up. She was a beautiful woman, and anyone could see that. He cared very deeply for her, always had. It just never became more than that. He loved her but he wasn’t in love with her, but if they tried again, he knew that he could be.

He walked over and watched her lift her head to see him walking towards her. He leaned in and kissed her slowly on the lips, trying to see what her reaction would be. When she pulled away with a small smile, he tried not to feel too optimistic.

“Looks good” he said, as he sat down and piled several pieces of bacon onto his plate.

“It’s probably going to rain, so we can’t go to the park and swing a few bats” Ben informed him, sadly.

“Damn” Dean muttered as he looked out the windows and saw the grey skies. “That’s a shame.”

“I have to run a few errands, so you’re both welcome to join me” Lisa chimed in.

Ben groaned as he pushed the eggs around in his plate.

Dean snickered as he watched him. “Maybe I can call Sam. He’s not working on a case right now; we can drive into the city and all hang out at the big arcade. How ‘bout that?”

Ben’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah, if it’s cool with your mom” Dean said, looking between him and Lisa.

“Sure” she smiled at her son.

“Yes!” Ben pumped his fist, eating his food properly now.

“Thanks” Lisa said as she looked at Dean, with half a smile.

Dean nodded as he tucked in.

It wasn’t much of a reaction, but he would take what little happiness he could get from her.

“Alright, go nuts” Dean told Ben, and watched the kid dash off into the arcade.

Dean turned to Sam and shook his head with a laugh, taking a sip from his beer. They both sat in the adjoining diner, watching Ben through the windows. While he was going crazy on all the games, Dean got the chance to talk his brother.

“How’s Eileen?” Dean asked, his fingers drumming against the bottle to the beat of the AC/DC song playing overhead.

“She’s good, a little tired, but good” Sam replied, taking a bite of his salad. “The new firm’s kicking her ass but she’s kicking theirs right back, so I’m proud of her.”

Dean smiled, albeit a little sadly as he saw how much his brother loved his wife. “That’s great, man.”

There was a moment of quiet as Dean kept picking at the label on the beer bottle, when Sam spoke up.

“I don’t know if I should ask this, but… how are things with Lisa?” Sam asked, tentatively.

Dean huffed, shaking his head. “Pretty much the same as always. If we’re not ignoring each other, we’re fighting about something. I’m trying to be a little more… I’m trying to get us back to some place closer to how we were but… I don’t know.”

Sam frowned, lines forming on his forehead as he worried over what Dean just said. “You’re sure you don’t want to just… end it before things get worse?”

“No” Dean said, too quickly. He looked out the window to see Ben playing Galaga. “I can’t do that to him.”

“Dean, what you and Lisa are doing is worse for him. This way, at least it’s a clean enough break and everyone can move on without too much damage” Sam explained, pushing his plate to the end of the table, finished with his meal.

“I know” Dean said, quietly.

“So, what’s the problem?” Sam shrugged. “Yeah okay, you had some good years, and that’s great but… you can try all you want to get those years back, it might not do anything. Lisa has been emotionally checked out from this for a long time now, and let’s face it, you are too. You’re both just in this for Ben.”

Dean took a swig of his beer but didn’t say anything.

“Dean, you deserve to be happy with the right woman, not miserable with the one who you thought was the right one” Sam said, leaning his arms on the table as he looked his brother.

“Sam” Dean groaned. “Just stop, okay?”

“But, Dean-” Sam started but Dean cut him off.

“You said what you had to say, alright? You made your point. Let’s move on” Dean said, his tone almost pleading.

“Okay” Sam whispered.

“Good” Dean muttered, picking up a few fries from his plate and shoving them into his mouth.

With his brother’s mind preoccupied with the food in front of him, Sam stared at Dean, seeing the turmoil written on his face. His brother was loyal to a fault, but he had seen for a while now how much this relationship was hurting him. He never listened to anyone, not him, their parents, his friends, about breaking up with Lisa. He always cited that Ben was the reason he needed to stay, but there was also another reason that Dean hated to admit to anyone, even himself. Sam could see it, though. His big brother was afraid of being alone.

Sam knew he couldn’t tell Dean to break up with Lisa any more than he already had. He had to realize that’s what he needed for himself, and maybe, he could find peace after it.

Later in the evening, Y/N laughed as she opened her door and walked into the house, Charlie following in behind her. They had just come back from a slasher movie, which hadn’t turned out to be very good, but you couldn’t expect a lot from a B grade film. That didn’t matter though, as they still got to enjoy lunch before that, and were just going to hang out now that they were at Y/N’s.

“God, that guy couldn’t act!” Charlie complained as she sank into Y/N’s couch. She kicked her converse off and brought her legs up. She had instantly made herself comfortable at her house, and Y/N couldn’t be happier with that.

Y/N continued to laugh, nodding as she agreed. “I know! And what about the scene where the axe went through his head? It totally didn’t connect!”

“Right?” Charlie shook her head, giggling.

“Alright, what are we drinking?” Y/N asked as her laughter died down and she walked into the kitchen.

“Whiskey” Charlie replied, quickly without thinking too much about it.

“Ooh, yes. Perfect for this weather” Y/N said, as she looked out the window at the light drizzle.

Y/N brought the bottle and two tumblers over, sitting next to her redheaded friend. She poured a couple of fingers in each and handed her one, clinking their glasses together. They both took a sip and Y/N sat back, smiling contently. It had been a good day, a nice distraction from her neighbor who she had feelings for. Her face must’ve changed when she thought about him for split second, because Charlie picked up on it.

“You okay?” she asked, curiously.

“Yeah” Y/N huffed with a small laugh. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem like something’s on your mind” Charlie shrugged.

Y/N looked away from her and sighed. She was going to flip when she told her.

“I… went over to Dean’s for dinner last night” she started, waiting to get to the point.

“Nice. I hope Lisa was a bit more open than last time” Charlie commented.

Y/N bit her lip nervously, before letting it go. “She… she wasn’t there.”

One of Charlie’s eyebrows lifted up. “Okay…”

“We, uh… we had a great time. We talked a lot about his family, about mine. I… I told him about Ethan” Y/N told her, staring into her glass at the amber liquid.

“Wow” Charlie breathed out. “How did that go?”

Y/N smiled as she thought back to how he told her she was the strongest person he knew. She didn’t feel like she was, but just knowing that he thought that about her made her feel like she could be.

“It went well. In the moment I thought about against telling him, but he just… he made me feel so safe that I told him a little of it” Y/N said, the soft smile still on her face. “Not everything just yet, but I trust him and maybe I can tell him more, eventually.”

Charlie stared at her, knowing her new friend was falling for one of her old friends was incredible to see, but she didn’t want her heart to get broken by the situation at hand.

“Y/N… I’m glad you felt the confidence to tell him. I’m even more happy that he made you feel safe to open up, but… but you have to tread lightly here” Charlie said, carefully.

“I know” Y/N agreed.

“It’s my fault, really. I told you about Dean and Lisa’s relationship, but that was only because of what you said happened at dinner here-” Charlie said, but cut her off.

“It’s okay, Charlie, really” she reassured her, taking her hand in hers. “I know why you told me that. Believe me, I know. It’s just…”

“What?” Charlie knew there was something she wasn’t telling her.

Y/N sighed in defeat. “We kissed.”

“What?!” Charlie yelled, sitting forward as she stared wide eyed at Y/N.

“We had a great time, we were laughing, and he made dessert, and… fuck, it just happened” Y/N shook her head, saying it out loud made it more real, and made the guilt flood in again.

“Y/N!” Charlie yelled.

“I know!” Y/N yelled, burying her face into the couch cushions. “I’m a shitty person.”

“No, you’re not” Charlie told her, helping her off the couch cushions. “We just can’t let that happen again.”

“And I won’t” Y/N vowed. “I think it’s out of my system in the crappiest way possible, and it’s done now. Even if it was the best kiss of my life… I’m done.”

“Really?” Charlie asked, in awe of the statement she just made. “The best of your life?”

Y/N nodded, sheepishly. “It was like… like I was always meant to be there, with him.”

A silence fell as the two friends looked at each other, before Charlie spoke.

“I hate to say it, but… I think that’s where it has to end” Charlie said, as gently as she could.

“I know” Y/N nodded, firmly.

On those final words, the friends moved away from talking about it. Y/N knew that what happened last night couldn’t happen again. It would be hard to let him go, but she had to. She wasn’t going to break up a family. That’s not the kind of person she was. She had a moment of giving in, but it was done and dusted. Swept under a rug, never to see the light of day again. From that point forward, it would be strictly professional. She was Ben’s teacher and that was it. She may be their friendly neighbor, but she couldn’t be Dean’s friend.

She couldn’t have another moment to give into.

Dean smiled as he sipped his beer while sitting on the couch, watching Ben recall the day’s events to his mom. They had a great time with Sam at the arcade, playing all the games and eating junk food. After a while, Ben retreated to his room and Dean knew he’d been listening to his music before going to bed.

Dean walked into the bedroom after finishing his beer, watching Lisa get changed into her pyjamas. He moved up behind her after she took her top off, wrapping his arms around her waist. He leaned down, placing kisses along her shoulder.

“Dean” she said, a slight laugh bubbling up from her. “Stop.”

“Oh, come on, Lis. Ben’s in his room, probably has his headphones on” he said, between planting kisses on her shoulder. “We haven’t in a while…”

“Dean, please” she said, as she pulled away from him. However, when she turned around, she looked a little annoyed. “Maybe… maybe another time.”

Dean was surprised by that, considering she laughed a little when he came up behind her. “Yeah. Okay.”

She moved away from him, walked into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it.

Dean sighed as he changed into a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He left the room and into the living room, turning the lights off. He dropped his phone on the coffee table and laid down on the couch. It was a familiar feeling as he had done this a few times over the last year. Considering things didn’t go the way he thought they would tonight, he knew it was better to stay away for now. He pulled the throw blanket over himself and closed his eyes.

After some time, he opened them. He wasn’t going to sleep. He lifted his head and looked at the clock on the wall, the time reading 10.30pm. It wasn’t late for him, as he usually fell asleep in the AM on a weekend. He picked up his phone and started scrolling through different things, before an idea came to him. Hopefully she wasn’t asleep yet.

Y/N sat up in bed, reading, the bedside lamp provided the light she needed as it bathed the room in a warm glow. She pushed her red glasses up the bridge of her nose when she felt them falling, flipping the page. Charlie had left an hour ago, which gave her some time to herself and the ability to lose herself in her latest read. As she read, her phone chimed. She frowned, wondering who could be texting her at this hour. She thought it must be Charlie, wanting to tell her some funny anecdote, but her eyebrows furrowed as she picked up her phone from the bedside table and looked at the screen.

Dean: Any chance you’re free tomorrow? We need to talk.

She sighed as she placed her book down next to her and typed out her response.

Dean frowned as he saw what she had written.

Y/N: I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Dean.

Dean: We can’t just ignore what happened, Y/N.

She shook her head. She couldn’t be pulled into this again. She had no desire to talk about it, choosing instead to forget about it and make sure it never happened again.

Y/N: I think that’s exactly what we need to do. Forget it happened. Goodnight, Dean.

Dean looked down at the message and shook his head. How could he forget when she was constantly on his mind? He was trying, had been trying all day, but the fact was he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He couldn’t deny he had developed feelings for her. He told himself he would try with Lisa, but would it do any good? He just needed to talk to Y/N and see whether they were on the same page or capable of getting there, and then go from there.

He decided to put his phone and sleep on it. Maybe things would be clearer in the morning.

Monday quickly rolled around, and Y/N was thankful. School was a good distraction from the drama in her life, even if Ben was there. She was going to have her 8th graders after lunch, so as she ate, she had enough time to look over what she needed to do for class. She was in the middle of reviewing her lesson plans when she heard someone call out her name. She looked up and saw Chuck walking towards her.

“Hey, Y/N, can we talk for a minute?” he asked, politely.

“Sure” she replied, but slightly nervous as she didn’t know what this is about.

As she followed him into his office, she sat down across him as he sat at his desk.

“Don’t worry, it’s not anything to worry about” he assured her, when he saw her looking like a deer in headlights. “I just wanted to ask you how things have been going.”

She sighed in relief, a smile appearing on her face. “Things have been great. Challenging, but I think I’ve handled it.”

“That’s great to hear” he returned her smile. “I’ve had some calls from parents telling me how much their kids have liked you, so all I can say is keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Thanks, Mr. Shurley” she said.

“Ah” he waved a finger at her.

“Sorry” she laughed, slightly. “Chuck.”

“You’re welcome” he said with a small nod.

She quickly left his office with a smile on her face. Hearing that from Chuck was exactly what she needed today. It was the reassurance she needed that coming to Lawrence was a good decision. It was a reminder of why she came here, for this job and to inspire these kids, not for any unnecessary situations outside of school. She really just had to put her head down and do what she needed to and forget about Dean. Even if he did live across street from her, right now, he couldn’t exist.

As she walked from the staff room to the classroom after lunch, she watched kids file into the rooms, ready for the next period. She smiled as she turned the corner, ready to see her students but it dropped the minute she entered the room.

Ben and another student, Tommy, were roughly pushing each other back and forth, some of the other kids in class yelling for them to stop, while others yelled for them to keep going. She quickly dropped her things on the desk and rushed over, attempting to pull them apart.

“Stop it, stop it right now” she said, her teacher voice louder than usual. “Ben, Tommy – STOP!”

She got in the middle, either hand on the boys’ shoulders, watching them breathe heavily as they glared at each other. She thought about sending them over to Chuck’s office, but they’d probably kill each other on the way over.

“You two, sit down right now. We’re going to Mr. Shurley’s office straight after class” she said, sternly.

The rest of the kids were timid for the rest of the class. She had rearranged some of them so that Ben and Tommy were sitting as far away from each other as possible. Things were tense through the whole period, but she was glad that once it was over, Ben and Tommy stayed in their seats as the other kids filed out.

“So, who wants to tell me what happened before we head over to Mr. Shurley’s office?” she asked, looking between both of the boys.

Tommy stared down at the desk, refusing to speak. Y/N knew he wasn’t going to say anything and looked over at Ben. He looked at her with a mournful yet angry look. Clearly it was something bad.

“Tommy was making fun of me, that Dean’s not my real dad, that I don’t know who my dad is” he told her, side eying Tommy.

Y/N’s heart sank into her stomach. This was worse than she thought.

She nodded, calmly standing up from her desk and walking over to Ben. “Tommy, make your way to the Principal’s office, please. You can explain to him why I sent you, and that Ben and I are on our way.”

Tommy rolled his eyes as he got up from the desk, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he walked out. She was going to be there soon, so he knew he didn’t have a chance to escape.

Y/N took a chair and placed in front of Ben’s desk, sitting down across from him. After a few seconds of figuring what to say, she clasped her hands as she looked at him.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to hear what Tommy said to you, Ben, but what I do know is that what you and Dean have is special. He cares a lot about you, and he treats you like you’re his, doesn’t he?” she said, pausing after she asked him a question.

Ben responded with only a nod.

“Then that’s all that matters. You know your relationship with Dean better than anyone, and what others have to say about it, doesn’t change the fact that you’re a family. That Dean’s your family” she explained, with a small smile at the end.

There was a brief pause before Ben finally spoke.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been quiet in class. It’s just weird seeing you around the neighborhood and our street, and then here, too” he said, looking up at her.

She was shocked. That wasn’t what she expected him to say.

She smiled, softly. “It’s okay, Ben. I’m sure it’s strange for me to be friends with Dean and your mom.”

She added Lisa in only for Ben, because she knew they were far from friends.

Ben shook his head. “No, not really.”

Y/N nodded. She was almost hoping he said it was strange, so that not being around Dean would be a bit easier.

“Alright” she said, standing up. “We better get over there.”

“Am I gonna get into trouble for pushing Tommy?” he asked, as he stood up and followed her.

She frowned, not sure what would happen. “Maybe an after-school detention at most, considering neither of you are seriously hurt.”

“Great” he said, rolling his eyes.

Sure enough, as they discussed everything in Chuck’s office, both Tommy and Ben were going to have to do after-school detention, which Y/N was meant to be supervising that day, coincidentally. Tommy apologized to Ben and then both of the boys were off to their next class, albeit slightly late, but Chuck had already informed the next teachers’ of why they would be late. Chuck told her that he’d call the parents as she left his office. She had literally been there a couple of hours ago, for some good feedback and now this happened. Talk about two ends of the spectrum. Though she had to be thankful nothing worse happened to either of the boys.

The length of time seemed to stretch on forever as Y/N waited for after-school detention to be over. There were couple of other kids in there with Ben and Tommy, who looked like he was ready to run as soon as the time was up.

All of them bolted as soon as she opened her mouth to tell them they could go. Ben gave her a small smile as he walked out of the room, which she returned. He was a good kid and didn’t deserve to be talked about the way he was, no kid did. She hoped it wouldn’t weigh heavily on him after this experience. She quickly packed her own things, putting on her dark grey coat over her dark grey A-line dress, with a deep red belt and collar. She was more than ready to go home herself.

Dean leaned against the Impala, waiting for Ben to come out of the school. He clocked off early to come and get him after he was done with detention, as Lisa was working late. She had called him and told him what happened, and now here was. He smiled as he watched Ben walk out and over to him.

“Hey” he said, putting an arm around him. “You okay?”

“Yeah” Ben nodded.

“Alright, well, you can fill me in on why you had to go to detention on the way home” Dean said, as he opened the car door.

As he was about to get in, he saw Y/N leaving the school, pulling her coat tight around her, protecting herself from the wind. His eyes followed the lines of her legs in her stockings and black heels, shaking his head of the thoughts that flashed through his mind.

“Hey, just wait here, okay?” he said to Ben.

“Sure” Ben replied, not really looking up at where Dean was heading off to, as he got into the passenger side.

Dean jogged up to Y/N, quickly catching up to her. “Y/N!” he called out and watched her turn around.

Y/N was shocked to hear his familiar voice call out to her. She didn’t expect to see him there and swallowed nervously. “Dean, hi.”

“Listen, I know you said that we shouldn’t talk about what happened, but I just… I have to know-” he started but she cut him off, shaking her head.

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean” she said, quietly, her emotions getting the better of her. She didn’t want to do what she was about to, but she had to. “It was a lapse in judgement for both of us. A moment of weakness that won’t ever happen again.”

Dean knew there was truth to her words but hearing them made his heart feel heavy. As much as he was trying in the last couple of days with Lisa, it hadn’t done much for his hopes that they would be fine again. He wanted to talk to Y/N and see if they could work something out.

“I just think-” he started but she cut him off again.

“No, Dean. Just don’t. You have a family. They’re the ones you should be thinking about, not me. That kid over there” she said and pointed to the car where Ben was. “He considers you his family, and I know you feel the same. I won’t break up a family, Dean. I just won’t.”

He looked between the car and her. She was right. He cared about Ben, and he was only in this relationship for him now. To be in his life. Did that mean he had to be miserable with Lisa forever, though? He didn’t know what to do.

“Do you regret it?” he needed to know if she felt the same way as him. He wished he hadn’t done it while he was with Lisa, but it happened. However, remembering how she felt against him… it felt right.

She shook her head, feeling tears prick her eyes. “No. And that’s the problem.”

She should’ve felt regret. She should’ve hated what she did. She felt guilty for it happening but at the same time, she couldn’t regret kissing him. She had never felt a connection like that with anyone she had been with.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty” she said, before pressing her lips together to keep them from quivering. “Ben’s a great kid. At the end of the day… I have to look out for him as much as you do. I’m not his parent but I am his teacher. I have a sense of responsibility to him.”

He felt a pang in his heart as she looked at him, tears threatening to fall.

“I know you have your issues with Lisa, and I want… more than anything, to say forget it all and take me in your arms, but I can’t. I shouldn’t be thinking about you in the ways that I do. I shouldn’t be thinking about what life would be like with you” she shook her head, everything just spilling out in a ramble of emotions.

“Y/N…” he whispered, slowly putting his hand on her shoulder. He wanted to tell her that he thought the same things.

She gasped, feeling the warmth of his hand radiate through her. She gulped and breathed in deep. She looked at him with a stony expression. She had to put her walls up and walk away. It was the only way to save herself from heartbreak and for him to not feel like crap for what happened.

“I’m… going to step back for a while. You’ll see me around, I know, but we have to pretend like nothing happened. You have to think of me as your neighbor, as Ben’s teacher, and that’s it. We can’t be friends anymore, Dean” she said, as a tear finally escaped and rolled down her cheek.

Dean’s eyes widened as he shook his head. “What? No. Screw that-”

She shook her head when he tried take her hand in his. “It’s too hard to be around you and not be with you, Dean.”

“Y/N” he said, finally getting close enough to her that he could take her hand in his and she couldn’t stop him. “Don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I have to. They’re your family and you care about them; I can see that. And I can also see that you care about Ben. So much so, that you’re willing to stay in this relationship for him” she said, smiling sadly. “You’re a good man, Dean. You’re loyal and you’re trustworthy, kind and loving… but at some point, you have to decide whether what you’re staying in this for is a good enough reason.”

Dean stared at her but didn’t say anything.

“It’s a big decision to make… but I can’t make it for you by continuing the way we have been. It isn’t fair to anyone.” Her voice cracked, slightly shaky but she managed to keep the rest of her tears at bay.

Dean shook his head as he looked at her. Everything she said made sense. Despite it, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink at her words. Not being friends would feel weird, especially if he saw her around and couldn’t say anything to her. Maybe… maybe they needed this, though. He needed to give Lisa a chance without Y/N being a constant in his life. He told himself he would try, and now he had a proper chance to do so.

“It’s gonna be weird… not talking to you” he said, honestly.

She nodded, looking into his eyes. His beautiful eyes that she always lost herself in. “I know.”

“Take care of yourself, Y/N” he muttered, his jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed.

“You too, Dean” she whispered. “Whatever you decide… just make sure you’re doing the right thing. For everyone.”

She looked at him one last time, and even though she probably shouldn’t have, she leaned in and softly kissed his stubbled cheek. It would probably be a mixed signal, but she couldn’t leave him there looking so sad.

As she walked away, Dean could feel a tingle on his cheek where she had imprinted her kiss, much like she had on his lips, previously. Watching her walk away made his stomach uneasy, feeling it churn as she got into her car. She would be right there across the street, and he wouldn’t be able to talk to her. He didn’t know how to process that as he walked back to the car where Ben was waiting for him.

When Y/N got into her car, she watched as Dean got into the Impala and drove off, the rumbling of the engine reaching her ears, even from this distance.

As she drove home, she knew she had to make peace with her decision. As much as she wanted to take it back, she had to let him go.

Once and for all.

2 weeks later…

Y/N sipped the last of her vodka martini, bopping her head in time to the music. Next to her, Charlie was doing the same. She was glad when Meg suggested they come out to the city for a night on the town, on Saturday night. She needed a night of good drinks, good music, and maybe even a little flirting.

It had been two weeks since she had talked to Dean in the school parking lot. In that time, she had barely seen him. Just once or twice as she left for work in the morning and so did he, and once when she was coming back from the grocery store. She had seen him with Lisa one night, coming back from what looked like date night. She was glad that things were going a bit better for them, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt seeing them together.

Which is why when Meg had suggested they drive up to Kansas City to go to a bar she liked; Y/N jumped at the chance. As Lizzo serenaded her from her “Badass Women” playlist, she put on a black lace bodysuit and mini leather skirt that came to her mid-thigh, her black lace up heeled ankle boots, gave herself a smokey eye with lots of mascara look and a plum colored lip. She put a bit of wave in her hair, smiling at the way she looked. Charlie had whistled when she opened the door as shrugged on her long black coat, and she had laughed a little nervously when Meg told her she was “totally gonna get laid tonight.” It was her first time meeting the dark-haired woman in person, and she liked her instantly. She had like her even as they chatted over the phone, but it was different now. She seemed like a take-no-shit type of person, and Y/N liked that.

While she wasn’t expecting anything tonight, Y/N felt confident in the way she looked, having caught a few eyes on her already. Being here had given her a confidence she had been lacking back home, because of all the emotional and mental abuse Ethan had put her through. When Dean told her he admired her strength, that she was beautiful and an incredible person, it awoke something in her. She felt different. She didn’t need validation from anyone, but at the same time knowing that she was appreciated and loved by these amazing people she had met, gave her a new sense of belonging. She finally felt like she was exactly where she needed to be.

Meg pushed her way through the crowd of people, a tray of drinks in her hand. She handed her and Charlie their respective drinks, taking the Shirley Temple for herself, as she had made herself the designated driver.

“Y/N, there’s a group of guys over there, and I swore the blonde one is totally looking at you” she said, pointing discreetly over her left shoulder.

Y/N frowned and looked around, sure enough seeing 4 guys around a table like the girls were, the blonde one looking in their direction.

“He could be looking at you, you know. Or Charlie. I mean he doesn’t know you’re both taken” Y/N shot down the idea.

Charlie scoffed. “Yeah, right. All eyes have been on you tonight.”

“Go over there” Meg told her, her eyes lighting up.

“No” Y/N said, shaking her head.

“Do it or I will” Meg threatened, smiling wickedly.

“You wouldn’t, Masters” Y/N glared at her.

“Watch me, Y/L/N” she laughed as she quickly dashed off.

“Meg!” Y/N called out but she wouldn’t be heard over the music.

Charlie laughed as she took a sip of her drink.

Y/N shook her head at her and took a sip of her martini.

Y/N watched as Meg talked to the blonde guy and then pointed over at her. Y/N gulped nervously when she saw him nod. He was looking at her. Shit. Meg quickly walked back over.

“Girl, he’s so interested! Come on, please go over there” Meg was practically shaking with excitement.

Y/N sighed nervously. Was she ready for this?

It had been a year since she and Ethan had broken up. In that time, she had hooked up twice on two different occasions, back home. It had felt good to just have sex for the release she had needed, but it had been a while since she let herself feel something more for a man. Dean was the first one she had felt a strong connection to since Ethan, back when things were still okay with him. Even then, the pull she felt towards Dean was unlike anything she had ever felt. Not with Ethan, or any other boyfriends from the past.

What she felt for Dean… it still hadn’t fizzled out, as much as she tried to ignore it. Maybe this is what she needed though. To get over him.

She rolled her shoulders back and fixed her hair. “How do I look?”

“Sinful” Meg replied, simply.

She laughed, shaking her head at her new friend. “Okay. I’m going.”

Charlie grinned. “Go get him.”

Y/N hopped off the high-top stool and moved through the crowd. As she did, her Y/E/C eyes connected with his, and he flashed her a smile. She smiled back as she reached the table, his friends quickly excusing themselves. As she got closer and could see him properly in the dim lighting of the room, she saw that he had blue eyes. He was only a few inches taller than her because of her heels, unlike Dean who would tower over her no matter her footwear.

“Hey, I’m Mark” he said, offering his hand.

“Y/N” she took his hand and shook it. She didn’t feel a spark just yet from his touch like she had with Dean so instantly, but that was okay.

“I’ll be honest, I couldn’t stop looking at you all night” he laughed, sounding a little nervous.

She felt the heat rise in her cheeks, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. “Well, you’re not so bad yourself.”

“Let me get you a drink” he said, flagging down a waiter. “What’ll you have?”

“Vodka martini” she said, and watched the waiter walk away to get her a drink. She could’ve just gotten hers from her table, but he had offered to buy her one. She couldn’t say no.

“Thanks” she said, smiling at him.

“You’re welcome” he smirked.

“Do you live here in the city?” she asked, as the song overhead changed to something slower, making it easier to talk.

“Yeah. You?” he asked in return.

“Lawrence” she replied.

“So, what do you do, in Lawrence?” he wondered, smiling at her.

“I’m a teacher, 8th grade English” she smiled back.

“Wow, that’s great” he nodded, approvingly.

“What do you do?” she asked.

“I’m a copywriter, for an ad agency” he replied, handing her the glass as the waiter came back to them. He passed the waiter a few bills before he walked away.

She nodded, approvingly, too. “That’s amazing.”

“Not as glamorous as you would think, though” he laughed, slightly.

“Ah, so nothing like a modern version of Mad Men?” she joked.

He laughed loudly, shaking his head. “Definitely not.”

With a break in conversation, Y/N drifted off as the song that started while they were talking, continued. The words hit her as she thought about her life back home, and the life she was making for herself now, starting over in Lawrence. The song spoke of a person to start over with, and while she longed for that someone to be Dean, she knew it couldn’t be.

It don’t matter to me

Wherever we are is where I wanna be

And, honey, for once in our life

Let’s take our chances and roll the dice

I can be your lucky penny

You can be my four-leaf clover

Starting over

“Hey” Mark’s voice bringing her back to reality. “You alright?”

She smiled, nodding quickly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Just feeling the song, huh?” he asked, laughing.

“I guess” she shrugged.

They talked for a few more minutes before his friends came over and told him they were going to head out.

“I should probably go, too” he said, regretfully. He took out his phone and handed it to her. “Here, put your number in and we can talk some time. Maybe… maybe I can take you out some time?”

She smiled as she typed her number in. A flashback of doing the same thing with Dean’s phone passed through her mind, but she pushed it away. “Yeah.”

“It was nice to meet you, Y/N” he said, smiling.

“You too, Mark” she smiled back, biting her lip.

As he left, she sighed. He was nothing at all like Dean, as she had discovered through their initial conversation. They were completely different in their features, the way they dressed, and the way they talked. Maybe that was a good thing, though. Giving Mark a shot would be the best way to detach herself from Dean. He was adorably cute, and she liked their banter already.

Maybe Mark was what she needed to truly forget about her feelings for Dean.

Dean popped the last bite of his burger into his mouth, humming as the flavors exploded on his tastebuds. He leaned back and took a sip of his beer from the bottle, glancing around the diner. It was a favorite spot for him, Ben and Lisa and they used to come here quite often before things started going sour. Funnily enough, it was Lisa who had suggested they go out for dinner and go there.

Things had been slightly better with her these last couple of weeks. They had managed to have proper conversations without things getting out of hand, and he had even made her laugh a few times. There was still no dice in terms of sex, but he was hoping that would change tonight when they got back home.

Dean looked over at Lisa and Ben sitting across from him, currently having a slight disagreement over him playing games on his phone while they were out and eating dinner.

“Hey” Dean said, interrupting them. “Listen to your mom.”

“Fine” Ben said, rolling his eyes as he put his phone away. “Can I at least get a refill?” He shook his empty glass.

“Yes” Lisa said, smiling slightly.

Ben got up from the table and went and stood in line at the self-serve refill station.

“Thanks” Lisa said as she turned to look at Dean.

“No problem” he said, winking at her.

He smirked when he got a small smile out of her. He couldn’t believe how things were suddenly looking up for them, but he was relieved to not be fighting with her for a change.

Her phone chiming once, then twice got his attention as well as hers. She looked at her phone, but quickly pushed it aside.

“Something wrong?” he asked, frowning.

“No, just my sister. I’ll talk to her later” she replied, shaking her head.

“Lis, it’s your sister. Talk to her, I don’t care” he shrugged, not minding if she took a call.

“No, it’s really okay” she said, her voice shaking a little.

“Lisa, what’s going on?” he asked, starting to suspicious that something was up.

“Nothing” she bit out through gritted teeth.

Dean sighed, annoyed when the phone chimed again. Having spoken to her sister a few times, he figured he’d talk to her and see if everything was okay. He reached across the table and picked up Lisa’s phone.

“Dean!” she protested.

“If you won’t talk to her then let me” he said, looking down at the screen. He glared at the screen as he read the messages. They weren’t from her sister.

Call me when you’re done with dinner.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

I wish you were here with me.

Dean saw that there was no name, just a heart emoji instead. He read the ones on the lock screen, and that was enough for him to get the picture. That was enough for him to know that she was still lying to him. That she had been for more than a year now.

Dean looked at her and saw her face change into fear.

“Something you wanna tell me?” he asked, glaring at her.

-x-

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[fuckspn]

fuckspn’s mini deancas fic rec

i said a few days ago that i would write a mini fic rec list, and here it is! i tried to limit it to fics i hadn’t seen on other rec lists before, but there are a few that i couldn’t resist adding even though everyone and their mother recommends them. there’s a whole section for “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fix-it fics because i know what the fuck i’m about. also literally all of these are deancas because i don’t read any other type of supernatural fic, and they all have happy endings because i’m not reading supernatural fanfiction to make myself sad.

a quick disclaimer before we start: i generally don’t like explicit sex scenes in fic unless i feel like they’re really narratively earned, realistic, in-character, and necessary to the emotional arc of the story. so while there are explicit fics in here, all but the last two on the list are sufficiently character- and plot-driven that you can skip the sex scenes entirely if you want.

Finale Fix-Its:

(they’ll never break) the shape we take by ~ME~ (Teen, 9k) Yes, this is my own fic, but listen, I wouldn’t have written it if it didn’t hit what I wanted to see in a fix-it! I’m not gonna make any promises as to whether or not you’ll like it, but I do, and that’s what matters here. Read it if you want to see basically every wrong prediction about the finale rolled up into one fic, if you wish they’d kept the Empty as a morally neutral outsider instead of a villain, or if you just like somewhat uncanny, slippery dream logic and gratuitous callbacks. Also even though idk if I’ll ever finish or publish it, I’m working on a fluffy domestic follow-up featuring, among other things, fixes for both Jack and Billie’s endings. I’m just saying that so if you read this fic you know that even though it’s not mentioned, Jack does come back and get to be a normal toddler with his two dads.

my heart a compass by lagaudiere (Teen, 10k) Again, I REALLY hope you like uncanny, slippery dream logic because that’s in this fic too! Cas POV is such a rare and difficult thing and I think lagaudiere nails it. Literally my only complaint about this fic is that at one point Cas imagines Jack having missing baby teeth at age 4 and my immediate reaction was to worry about why Jack would be missing teeth that young. This is because my brain is broken. Your brain is presumably not broken in the same way mine is, so you should enjoy this fic fine.

The World At Large by cenotaphy (General, 4.9k) This fic is so sexy because cenotaphy was like “hey what if there were actual stakes for Dean in the Empty besides the threat of losing the love of his life? Like what if he had a time limit? What if he got fucking stabbed?” and then somehow turned it into the softest little thing about how much all the characters love each other. Truly incredible artistic decisions made here. Despite being relatively short and deancas-centric, Sam and Jack get a lot of screentime here too and they’re absolutely delightful. Tbh you should probably read all of cenotaphy’s season 15 fix-its but if you’re only gonna read one, make it this. (Or Bring Home, but I’ve seen that one on so many rec lists that I think statistically everyone on Earth has read it.)

Other:

You And Your Husband by mikaylamazing (General, 17.9k) 5+1, Dean and Cas getting mistaken for a couple, 80% fluff then 10% angst that genuinely hit me like a gut punch then 10% fluff again. Dean and Cas are at PEAK old married couple in this fic. Yeah they bitch at each other constantly, but they also will tool around the country in their car like a couple of retirees and Dean will indulge Cas’ random flights of fancy even when they’re for something he hates, like the original Starbucks at Pike Place Market. (I’m with Dean on this one.)

Command Me To Be Well by prosopopeya (Explicit, 28k) Not gonna lie, this one hits the “angst with a happy ending” trope hard. The author is NOT fucking around with the warning for internalized homophobia, and I damn near cried at how Dean and Cas clearly loved each other and wanted to be together but just couldn’t because Dean’s psychological hangups were hurting them both. But not only does the happy ending come, the fic luxuriates in it—this is no band-aid slapped over the end, they genuinely fix their shit. Also, this fic has my favorite “Dean coming out to Sam” scene I’ve ever read.

Bring Up the Deep by deathbanjo (Explicit, 22.6k) Okay. Listen. Yes, this is the fic I was talking about the other day, with the tags that make it sound way kinkier than it actually is. And yes, technically this fic does contain dom/sub undertones and sex pollen. But look at me—hey, look at me. This fic owns. It’s a horror case fic, so it’s mainly plot (and three brief sex scenes, but two of those are part of the plot). The monster is genuinely creepy and creative, the supporting characters are enjoyable to read about, the setting is well-drawn, and the ending is something I’m still digesting but in a very enjoyable way. As far as the kinky tags go, the fic basically plays out like Dean and Cas (who are in an established, albeit new, relationship) are slightly randier than normal due to case weirdness: the dom/sub undertones are so light that I barely noticed them, the “sex pollen” is a deliberately unnerving plot device, and both Dean and Cas have nuanced emotional reactions to the whole situation that they are allowed to process and talk through with each other. I’ve never read A Complete Kingdom and never will, but if you’ve ever wanted a Deancas horror casefic set in coastal Maine that won’t leave you a shattered husk of a human being, Bring Up the Deep is for you!

Though The Course May Change by imogenbynight (Explicit, 51.5k) I’ve seen this one on a number of rec lists, but I couldn’t not include it because it’s just so fun. Another case fic involving Dean and Cas staying in a cabin in a rainy, semi-isolated location surrounded by colorful OCs, but this time the only horror is the prospect of fake-dating the guy you’re secretly actually in love with. It’s a delightful read.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (Explicit, 20.2k) Canon-divergent fic from 2015 about Cas choosing to become human and Dean being a real bitch about it. It’s very fun, but I’m mainly recommending it because it’s part 1 of a series and therefore provides the necessary backstory/buildup for the next fic on this list.

You’re There by Sass_Master (Explicit, 11.5k) This is part 3 of the same series (part 2 is not required reading, it’s just a short explicit fic set in between these two fics), and while most of it is about sex, it’s also a fucking A+, 10/10, award-worthy character study of Dean and his internal relationship to his sexuality. Literally I was reading it going, “That’s it! That’s the Dean Winchester who lives in my head!”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (Explicit, 8.4k) The epic saga of Dean’s terrible knockoff-Grindr hookups while Cas waits at home for him like if you could see that I’m the one who understands you been here all along so why can’t you see you belong w— Listen, I’ll be honest here, this fic is completely not my usual speed (lots of sex, relatively light—but not nonexistent!—romance, zero Big Emotions), so it doesn’t have much in common with any other fics on this list besides a rotating cast of fun OCs. It is, however, the single funniest fucking deancas fic I’ve ever read in my life. Fun minigame: count how many times one of Dean’s hookups is described as having messy dark hair and/or blue eyes.

#fic rec #idk how 'mini' this is at this point it's 10 fics #but that's only a tiny fraction of the amount of deancas fic i've read in the last 100 days so