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#you’re my whoopi goldberg
anonymousmink · 11 months
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Trying to break my artblock the old fashioned way, self indulgent art for my own fanfiction. Extra awfully compressed gif for funsies!
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Reblogs are loved but please don’t repost!
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sevenswansmp3 · 7 months
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whoopi goldberg post ruined my life. apparently you’re a terrible selfish person and also traumatized if you dont want to live with someone…. ok…. glad to see yall cant be normal on this website!
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aclaywrites · 4 months
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How to fall in love via Deneuve Magazine Personal Ads Circa 1993
❖ Go to your mailbox and see that your latest issue of Deneuve magazine has been delivered. It’s in a plain brown envelope, but you still take it all the way inside the house before you open it.
❖ Take a moment to gaze at the cover and appreciate the fact that it’s named after Catherine Deneuve in honor of her sex scene from The Hunger which awakened us all.
❖ Flip past the first few pages of ads. Do I want to fax away for a brochure about the chance to go on a Kenyan photo safari with the world’s first out lesbian commedienne? What about the Olivia Thanksgiving cruise?
❖ Enjoy the Editor’s Column about how our new President Clinton has pledged to make real progress for the LGBT community. Bask in the warm glow of happiness knowing that the gay dark ages are finally coming to a close.
❖ Chuckle at Alison Bechdel’s ad for the Feminist Bookstore Network and wish you had one of those stores near you.
❖ Keep up with the state of the lesbian nation via the letters to the editor. Aren’t the repressive laws being passed in Oregon and Colorado shocking? Goddess bless that Kentucky baby dyke having to dodge the KKK at her high school 🙁
❖ Read the wedding announcements and get all choked up, remembering why you’re here. Resist the urge to flip to the end and see if there’s anyone new from last month. Hope springs eternal!
❖ Oh, the 20th anniversary of Naiad Press! I love their stuff! Especially how all the covers look like they’re printed with ink that was on sale. I wonder if they have any more copies of that Lesbian Queries book from 1990???
❖ Audre Lorde sure is gonna give them hell at the march on Washington, eh?
❖ So many bookstores. So many books.
❖ An article about Safe Sex! Hell yes! Even though lesbians don’t get AIDS because we’re God’s chosen people, this will be fun to read about in theory! “After all, aren’t we told that lesbians and priests are in the lowest risk category?” lol people thought priests weren’t constantly having gay sex. Simpler times.
❖ An interview with Alison Bechdel! She’s so swoony.
❖ Articles about soap operas, speculation about Hilary Clinton, gossip about Madonna and Sandra Bernhard. And what about Whoopi Goldberg? And that Ellen lady? She’s been on Arsenio Hall acting all cagy about the men in her life. A list of women we wish were gay, including Joan Jett? Didn’t she sing Crimson and Clover without changing pronouns like waaaaay back in the 80s
❖ Music reviews: Sweet Honey in the Rock and Alix Dobkin! We’re almost to the ads…
❖ Labrys jewelry, freedom rings. C’mon, let’s get to the good stuff!
❖ Here we go! Classified ads– 30 words for $20! Queer personal finance, we buy used computers, a lesbian resort in New Hampshire.
❖ Personals at last! Is my woman here?
❖ Hey there’s that woman who has an ad every month expressing her ‘complete and sincere respect for’ women in military, fire, police, private security, corrections’. A gay male ad would say ‘Uniform fetish’ but apparently we’re too delicate.
❖ Bisexual boston babe ‘femalely handsome’ looking for someone who’s ‘nice to look at, not a feminist and not a bitch’. Next!
❖ Lonesome in Wyoming, Bisexual Bodybuilder, Softball is over, time to find someone warm for winter, Reubenesque Arkansas Buddhist…
❖ Find a girl who sounds promising– seems interesting and is not too far away. Spend a day or so composing a letter with a pen and piece of paper introducing yourself. If you don’t have a photo of yourself that you like, have a friend take one. Then finish the roll of film and bring it to the Fotomat and wait a day or so and then pick up the prints and hope you like one of them. Choose one anyway, and put it in the envelope with your letter.
❖ Get a stamp, hang it on the mailbox, never hear anything ever again.
❖ One month later, go to your mailbox and see that your copy of Deneuve has arrived.
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rockislandadultreads · 5 months
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Goodreads Choice Awards 2023: Best Humor
Winner: Being Henry by Henry Winkler
Henry Winkler, launched into prominence by his role as “The Fonz” in the beloved Happy Days, has transcended the role that made him who he is. Brilliant, funny, and widely-regarded as the nicest man in Hollywood (though he would be the first to tell you that it’s simply not the case, he’s really just grateful to be here), Henry shares in this achingly vulnerable memoir the disheartening truth of his childhood, the difficulties of a life with severe dyslexia, the pressures of a role that takes on a life of its own, and the path forward once your wildest dream seems behind you.
Since the glorious era of Happy Days fame, Henry has endeared himself to a new generation with roles in such adored shows as Arrested Development, Parks and Recreation, and Barry, where he’s revealed himself as an actor with immense depth and pathos, a departure from the period of his life when he was so distinctly typecast as The Fonz, he could hardly find work.
Filled with profound heart, charm, and self-deprecating humor, Being Henry is a memoir about so much more than a life in Hollywood and the curse of stardom. It is a meaningful testament to the power of sharing truth and kindness and of finding fulfillment within yourself.
Nominee: Leslie F*cking Jones by Leslie Jones
Hey you guys, it’s Leslie. I’m excited to share my story with you.
Now, I’m gonna be honest: Some of the details might be vague because a b*tch is fifty-five and she’s smoked a ton of weed. But while bits might be a touch hazy, I can promise you the underlying truth is REAL. Whether I’m talking about my childhood growing up in the South, my early stand-up days driving from gig to gig through the darkest parts of our country and praying I wouldn’t get murdered, what Chris Rock told Lorne Michaels, that time I wanted to shoot Whoopi Goldberg on SNL, and yeah, I’ll tell you all about Ghostbusters and the nudes and Supermarket Sweep and The Daily Show . . . I’m sharing it all in these pages. It’s not easy being a woman in comedy, especially when you’re a tall-*ss Black woman with a trumpet voice. I have to fight so that no one takes me for granted, and no one takes advantage. These are the stories that explain why. (Cue the Law & Order theme.)
Nominee: Sure, I'll Join Your Cult by Maria Bamford
Maria Bamford is a comedian’s comedian (an outsider among outsiders) and has forever fought to find a place to belong. From struggling with an eating disorder as a child of the 1980s, to navigating a career in the arts (and medical debt and psychiatric institutionalization), she has tried just about every method possible to not only be a part of the world, but to want to be a part of it.
In Bamford’s signature voice, Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult, brings us on a quest to participate in something. With sincerity and transparency, she recounts every anonymous fellowship she has joined (including but not limited to: Debtors Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous), every hypomanic episode (from worrying about selling out under capitalism to enforcing union rules on her Netflix TV show set to protect her health), and every easy 1-to-3-step recipe for fudge in between.
Singular and inimitable, Bamford’s memoir explores what it means to keep going, and to be a member of society (or any group she’s invited to) despite not being very good at it. In turn, she hopes to transform isolating experiences into comedy that will make you feel less alone (without turning into a cult following).
Nominee: Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby
The success of Irby's career has taken her to new heights. She fields calls with job offers from Hollywood and walks the red carpet with the iconic ladies of Sex and the City. Finally, she has made it. But, behind all that new-found glam, Irby is just trying to keep her life together as she always had.
Her teeth are poisoning her from inside her mouth, and her diarrhea is back. She gets turned away from a restaurant for wearing ugly clothes, she goes to therapy and tries out Lexapro, gets healed with Reiki, explores the power of crystals, and becomes addicted to QVC. Making light of herself as she takes us on an outrageously funny tour of all the details that make up a true portrait of her life, Irby is once again the relatable, uproarious tonic we all need.
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fuckyeahdarcylewis · 11 months
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You’re My Whoopi Goldberg
by AnonymousMink
Darcy Lewis is dead and not loving it. Zapped out of existence in a lab accident not three months after moving into Stark Tower with her boss-slash-bestie, she’s almost given up on un-life when a certain Bucky Barnes shows up. Tall, dark, damaged, and the only one capable of seeing her - will this wounded war hero be able to get her back to reality or is she doomed to haunt him forever?
—-
A post WS pre CW AU that goes wildly off canon in the name of true love!
Words: 2350, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Captain America (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Characters: Darcy Lewis, James "Bucky" Barnes, James Buchanan, Jane Foster (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Tony Stark
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis, Jane Foster/Thor
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, ghost au, Alternate Universe - Just Like Heaven (2005) Fusion, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Mutual Pining, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Gratuitous Movie References, author has no concept of science and makes shit up as she goes
from AO3 works tagged 'Darcy Lewis' https://ift.tt/htz4i6G via IFTTT
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Ask Game To Get To Know You
I was tagged by @mortifyingordealof like AAAAGES ago and I forgot abt it until now oops
What book are you currently reading?
TECHNICALLY I’m not reading one atm but I have Warlock Holmes sitting next to my bed that I got from the library and need to read.
What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?
I think the only movie I’ve seen in theatres this year was Puss in Boots, but that would be my fav regardless.
What do you usually wear?
90% thrifted clothes, 5% hand me downs, 5% *shrugs*
How tall are you?
5′9 (I grew an inch on T yeehaw)
What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?
Scorpio! I share a birthday with Whoopi Goldberg and Jimmy Kimmel apparently. Also with my roommate’s ex lmao.
Do you go by your name or a nick-name?
Chosen name.
Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?
Nah but tbf I’ve never had a super concrete idea of what I wanted to be, even as a kid. I wanted to be a writer for a long time tho and I write fanfiction so I guess that counts for something??
Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?
Relationships are hard idk man. (Not currently in one and don’t really know how to make any kind of anything happen atm)
What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?
Good at singing! Bad at planning for the future.
Dogs or cats?
Yes <3
What’s something you would like to create stuff for?
Pspspsps showrunners let me write for your animated shows challenge !
If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?
“Gend ‘er?” Dooley replies promptly. “I barely know ‘er!”
What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?
I’ve been replaying BotW and doing sidequests and generally dicking about with it and I forgot how much I love this game.
What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?
I can’t really think of anything rn tbh !
What’s a hidden talent of yours?
I’m a really good cook! I can take any ingredience and turn them into something good like 9 times out of 10. (The 10th time is pineapple green bean curry. But we don’t talk abt that.)
Are you religious?  
Nuh uh. I believe in the universe but like... not anything concrete or serious.
What’s something you wish to have at this moment?
I want more samoas :( I ate the last ones yesterday. 
Tagging: @indigomuunz @sampoststuff @mc-tummy-blur @forfuckssakejim @bimbobrock @dennibun
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lindsaywesker · 1 year
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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday.
There is a Mt. Clitoris in the Philippines.
In 1999, the president of Niger was Major Wanke.
30% of objects left in hotel rooms are sex toys.
Your hair grows more quickly when you’re anticipating sex.
At any one time, 45 million people in the world are drunk.
Generally, most peoples’ lips are the same colour as their nipples.
The Japanese word ‘kareishu’ describes the smell of old people.
Turning up the music in a bar by 22% makes people drink 26% faster.
Whoopi Goldberg got her nickname from her childhood flatulence.
More than one-third of men using dating sites are already married.
In London, women over 40 are giving birth at twice the rate of teenagers.
It takes a male flea six to eight hours to unfold all the different parts of its penis.
Until it closed in 2019, South Africa’s largest baobab tree contained its own pub.
Sharing an article makes you think you know more, even if you didn't actually read the article.
Shark Bay in Australia is now called Safety Beach. It changed its name to attract tourists.
Gorgone macarea is an Amazonian moth known for subsisting solely on the tears of sleeping birds.
Early Arabic texts refer to cannabis as ‘the bush of understanding’ and ‘the shrub of emotion’.
A bite from the Brazilian wandering spider results in an erection that lasts for several hours.
In 1423, London mayor Dick Whittington established a 128-seater toilet that hung over the River Thames.
Johnny Cash’s daughter Roseanne was named after Rose and Anne, his nicknames for his wife’s breasts.
A polling company in the USA once found 4% of Americans responded, “Yes!” to “Have you been decapitated?”
In 1879, the Belgian city of Liège commissioned 37 cats to deliver mail to nearby villages. The project was a complete failure.
In 2009, an anti-kidnapping expert in Mexico was kidnapped, after giving a lecture on 'How Not To Be Kidnapped In Mexico'.
On April 28, 1988, the roof of an Aloha Airlines jet ripped off at 24,000 feet, but the plane still managed to land safely.
In 1926, mystery writer Agatha Christie disappeared for 11 days. When found, she claimed to have no memory of the missing days.
Researchers believe women prefer larger penises during one night stands, but something a bit smaller for long term relationships.
A Mississippi social worker, Georgia Tann (born 1891), stole more than 5000 children from poor families and sold them to the rich.
In Ancient Greece, small penises were celebrated and seen as a sign of high intelligence and self-control. Men with large penises were seen as grotesque, laughable and barbaric.
Lockdowns in 2020 were identifiable on seismologists’ sensors because humans stopped making the Earth wobble so much by moving about.
In December, some Japanese people go to BŌNENKAI, ‘forget the year’ parties. Attendees eat and drink to forget the bad things that happened during the year.
In 1997 Frédéric Bourdin, a 23-year-old French conman, impersonated Nicholas Barclay, a missing 16-year-old Texan boy, and spent nearly five months living with his family.
A smock or naked marriage was an 18th-century custom in some parts of Britain and the US where a widow would be freed of her dead husband’s debt if she remarried with very few or no clothes on.
In 1951, a 21-year-old Clint Eastwood was on board a plane that crashed into the sea but, no problem for Clint, who successfully escaped and swam three miles through shark-infested waters to safety.
William Whipple, a signer of the Declaration of Independence, eventually freed his slave because he believed one cannot simultaneously fight for freedom and hold another person in bondage.
Harrison Okene spent 60 hours underwater in darkness after his boat capsized 20 miles off the coast of Nigeria and sank to the bottom of the ocean. He was discovered alive by divers who were sent to recover dead bodies.
On the set of ‘The Terminator’, Arnold Schwarzenegger argued with the director James Cameron over the line “I’ll be back”. Schwarzenegger believed that a robot wouldn’t abbreviate so wanted the line to be “I will be back”.
In 2003, Elm Park - where a gang problem meant train drivers were too scared to stop - became the first London tube station to try the classical music approach. Within 18 months, robberies fell 33 per cent, assaults on staff 25 per cent and vandalism 37 per cent.
In 1859, a book review in The Economist stated, “Novels by male authors are more in keeping with the natural world, and … are more delightful as well as more profitable than the best novels by women.” The book was ‘Adam Bede’ by George Eliot.
Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.
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abcnewspr · 2 years
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ABC NEWS STUDIOS ANNOUNCES 25TH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL ‘CINDERELLA: THE REUNION, A SPECIAL EDITION OF 20/20’ ON TUESDAY, AUG. 23, AS PART OF DISNEY’S WORLD PRINCESS WEEK
Original Cast Members Brandy and Whoopi Goldberg, Plus Billy Porter, Todrick Hall, Jade Jones and More, Reflect on the Impact of the Film  
Following the News Special, The Wonderful World of Disney Will Air  
‘Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella’ for the First Time on  
Broadcast Television in More Than Two Decades
Watch The Promo
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ABC News*
ABC News Studios will air “Cinderella: The Reunion, A Special Edition of 20/20” on TUESDAY, AUG. 23 (8:00-9:00 p.m. EDT), on ABC and stream the next day on Hulu. The 25th anniversary celebration of “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” will feature members of its all-star cast — Brandy, Whoopi Goldberg, Paolo Montalban, Victor Garber, Bernadette Peters, Jason Alexander and Veanne Cox. Following the news special, The Wonderful World of Disney will air, for the first time on broadcast television in more than two decades, a presentation of the original film (9:00-11:00 p.m. EDT), which is available to stream on Disney+.
The classic Disney live-action film marked a groundbreaking moment in television history, introducing America’s first Black Cinderella (Brandy) and Fairy Godmother (Whitney Houston). The ABC News Studios reunion special explores how the revolutionary made-for-television musical expanded society’s view of the term “princess” and includes interviews with original cast members, as well as rare behind-the-scenes footage with Whitney Houston.
The one-hour program, airing during Disney’s World Princess Week, also dives into the film’s positive impact on representation in Hollywood and features interviews with stars who share a connection to the project, including Tony®, GRAMMY® and Emmy® Award-winning actor and singer Billy Porter, who played the gender-neutral fairy godmother, Fabulous Godmother, in the 2021 Amazon Original “Cinderella” reimagining; actress Jade Jones, who plays Belle in the off-Broadway tour of “Beauty and the Beast”; and singer-songwriter and choreographer Todrick Hall, a “Cinderella” superfan who has drawn inspiration from the film throughout his career.  
“Cinderella: The Reunion, A Special Edition of 20/20” features interviews with the original production team from “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella,” including producers Debra Martin Chase and Neil Meron, costume designer Ellen Mirojnick and more.  
“We’re delighted that the 25th anniversary of this landmark incarnation of ‘Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella’ is being celebrated on its original network,” said Imogen Lloyd Webber, SVP at Concord Theatricals, on behalf of The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization. “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s unforgettable score is truly timeless — still enchanting listeners 80 years after their partnership began and 65 years since their ‘Cinderella’ first charmed the largest audience in television history.”
About “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella”
“Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” stars Brandy in the title role and Whitney Houston as “Fairy Godmother” alongside Whoopi Goldberg, Victor Garber, Natalie Desselle Reid, Bernadette Peters, Paolo Montalban, Jason Alexander and Veanne Cox.  
Originally premiering on Nov. 2, 1997, to 60 million viewers on ABC’s “The Wonderful World of Disney,” “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” became an instant fan favorite, acclaimed by critics and audiences alike and earning seven Emmy Award nominations. Celebrated for its diverse representation, sweeping musical acts and unforgettable songbook, the 1997 film features an incredible array of beloved and original songs by the iconic songwriting duo Rodgers & Hammerstein, including “Impossible,” “In My Own Little Corner,” “Ten Minutes Ago,” “A Lovely Night,” “Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful?” and more.  
The televised movie musical debuted on Disney+ in February 2021.  
In “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella,” when Cinderella’s cruel stepmother prevents her from attending the Royal Ball, she gets some unexpected help from her Fairy Godmother. The 1997 movie was directed by Robert Iscove, written by Robert I. Freedman, and choreographed by Rob Marshall. Whitney Houston, Debra Martin Chase, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron served as Executive Producers. Chris Montan was a producer, and Robyn Crawford was an associate producer.  
“Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” was originally presented on television in 1957, and was the only musical written by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II for the medium. Starring a 21-year-old Julie Andrews, “Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella” was the most widely viewed program in the history of the medium at the time, drawing an astonishing 107 million viewers. Its recreation in 1965 starring Lesley Ann Warren was no less successful in transporting a new generation to the miraculous kingdom of dreams come true, and so was the second remake in 1997. A new Broadway version with a Tony-nominated book by Douglas Carter Beane premiered in 2013.
About ABC News Studios  
ABC News Studios, inspired by ABC News’ trusted reporting, is a premium, narrative non-fiction original production house and commissioning partner of series and specials. ABC News Studios champions untold and authentic stories driving the cultural zeitgeist spanning true-crime, investigations, pop culture, and news-adjacent stories. Its subsidiary, ABC News Films, acquires and produces feature documentary films.  
About Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II
After long and highly distinguished careers with other collaborators, Richard Rodgers (composer, 1902-79) and Oscar Hammerstein II (librettist/lyricist, 1895-1960) joined forces in 1943 to create the most successful partnership in American Musical Theater. Prior to joining forces, Rodgers collaborated with lyricist Lorenz Hart on musical comedies that epitomized wit and sophistication (“Pal Joey,” “On Your Toes,” “Babes in Arms” and more), while Hammerstein brought new life to operetta and created the classic “Show Boat” with Jerome Kern. “Oklahoma!,” the first Rodgers & Hammerstein musical, introduced an integrated form that became known as “the musical play.” Their shows that followed included “Carousel,” “South Pacific,” “The King and I” and “The Sound of Music.” Collectively, the Rodgers & Hammerstein musicals have earned Tony, Oscar, Grammy, Emmy, Pulitzer and Olivier Awards. The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization is a Concord Company.
About World Princess Week
This World Princess Week (Aug. 21 – 27), we are celebrating our favorite Disney Princess characters and their adventures at Disney Parks, on air, and with digital watch parties. Join us all week long on Instagram (@thedisneyprincesses) as we share trivia, fun moments, and activities for films including Moana, Tangled, Princess and the Frog, and Raya and the Last Dragon, all of which are now streaming on Disney+.  Follow #WorldPrincessWeek on social all week long for fun Disney Princess moments at Parks, a look at Princess product and activities, and a celebration of Raya and the Last Dragon, and stay tuned to the Disney Parks Blog (@DisneyParks) for a look at how Disney Parks around the world are celebrating World Princess Week with in-park offerings, first looks at special moments and performances, behind-the scenes looks at Princess projects in development and more.  
About Disney+
Disney+ is the dedicated streaming home for movies and shows from Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars, and National Geographic, along with The Simpsons and much more. In select international markets, it also includes the new general entertainment content brand, Star. The flagship direct-to-consumer streaming service from The Walt Disney Company, Disney+ is part of the Disney Media & Entertainment Distribution segment. The service offers commercial-free streaming alongside an ever-growing collection of exclusive originals, including feature-length films, documentaries, live-action and animated series, and short-form content. With unprecedented access to Disney’s long history of incredible film and television entertainment, Disney+ is also the exclusive streaming home for the newest releases from The Walt Disney Studios. Disney+ is available as a standalone streaming service or as part of The Disney Bundle that gives subscribers access to Disney+, Hulu, and ESPN+. For more, visit disneyplus.com, or find the Disney+ app on most mobile and connected TV devices.
*COPYRIGHT ©2022 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All photography is copyrighted material and is for editorial use only. Images are not to be archived, altered, duplicated, resold, retransmitted or used for any other purposes without written permission of ABC. Images are distributed to the press in order to publicize current programming. Any other usage must be licensed. Photos posted for Web use must be at the low resolution of 72dpi, no larger than 2x3 in size.  
ABC News Media Relations  
Brooks Lancaster  
(646) 512-4196  
Sydney Tretter  
(407) 473-7132  
ABC Entertainment Publicity
Lauren Katz
Janel Ota
Rodgers & Hammerstein Org. Media
Imogen Lloyd Webber
For more information, follow ABC News PR on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  
For more information, download a PDF of the Rodgers & Hammerstein Reference Guide at www.rodgersandhammerstein.com/guidelines.  
-- ABC --  
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thessalian · 2 years
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Thess vs Goblin
I have often said that complaining is the English national sport. And honestly, particularly these days, there’s a lot to complain about. The state of the economy. The state of current politics. The state of the NHS. The state of the Union (not the play-on-words it seems; Scotland wants out and I don’t imagine Wales is far behind, and Northern Ireland elected itself a Sinn Fein First Minister so that’s a Thing). But there comes a point at which the complaining is ... just mean-spirited and awful. Which is where Goblin comes in.
Goblin, as some of you may be aware, is one of my co-workers. And she is just ... nasty about everyone, at least behind their backs. She talks a lot of shit about Scruffman (who I admit is falling down on the job a bit, but I can at least be kind enough to understand that he’s trying to fit into a managerial role for which he is not suited, now without the other manager backing him up, and not knowing how to cope with it). She talks a lot of shit about everybody, at least if you’re not perennially saying what she wants you to say, doing what she thinks you should do, and basically putting up with her. I mean, I keep to myself most of the time and don’t really side with her on her endless fucking complaining, and I apparently get sarky comments about my Make Coffee Not Love mug.
Thing is ... she really is a mean-spirited judgemental bitch. I’m sorry, but she is. She’s bitter and nasty and made of spite. And she apparently revels in it. She was off on leave last week and I didn’t realise how badly her toxicity was affecting me until she came back and dumped a double-helping of it on my head. Well, everybody’s head, really, but apparently people are way more willing to just smile and nod at various of her things than I am.
I don’t know how the first bit started because I was ... y’know, working. But first thing I heard from her was bitching about people with “any fat at all“ wearing crop tops. “I know I’m not one to talk”, she said - probably because she’s at least half again as wide as I am, and a few inches shorter - “but nobody wants to see that. If you have any fat on you, you should cover yourself!”
It took everything I had not to turn around to her and say, “Your internalised fatphobia is not my fucking problem, so stop making it my problem by broadcasting it around the office!” And it’s probably just as well I didn’t, since from how the conversation continued it doesn’t feel like anyone would have been on my side. Which is depressing, but there you go. Mercifully, it didn’t go on for too long, and I was able to get back to work.
After that, later in the afternoon, Sunshine was talking quite happily about how her tickets to see the Sister Act stage musical, cancelled due to Covid, had now been rebooked. She was a little bit bummed to be missing out on Whoopi Goldberg, who was apparently supposed to star in it just before the first lockdown hit, but was still happy to be seeing it. I was going to give a quick “Cool; hope you have a good time!” because, I mean, not my thing, but you do you, y’know?
But then Goblin just went off. About how she hates musicals. How they’re stupid and ridiculous. And told this story she’s apparently quite proud of, about how her former workplace sent around an email asking if there was any interest in an office-bonding trip to some musical or other and Goblin replied, by email so there’s no emotional nuance whatsoever to what she’s saying - and I am quoting her here - “I’d rather carve my guts out with a spoon”. And was miffed when it was not taken as the joke it was intended, and the person on the receiving end copied that to the rest of the office. Now, I’m not sure why the colleague did it, but honestly, good on them for not taking that shit. But all Goblin says on the matter is, “I guess she just couldn’t take a joke”. I’ll tell you this much - even with the nuances of facial expressions and vocal tone, her ‘joking’ always veers towards the sarcastic in a big way and hardly ever sounds any different from her ‘bitter complaining’. But on an email? Text only? With people you don’t know well enough to joke that way? Especially when people are apparently really enthusiastic about the thing? Is it that necessary for her to yuck other people’s yum that way? What the fuck happened to, “Not my thing, but have a good time”? What the fuck happened to being happy for other people, even if they’re doing shit you don’t understand?
I’m just so tired of the negativity. I’m not all that big on musicals either, though I used to like them well enough and am honestly just picky about them now rather than hating them as a rule. And yes, I know from experience that telling someone that you don’t like a genre and having people insist that you must try X Thing from that genre and it will change your whole outlook on it is just really annoying. Thing is, nobody was doing that! Sunshine was just happy to actually be able to see the musical she paid to see! Would it have killed her to just say, “Cool; hope you have a good time”?
Maybe it would. I’m honestly not sure she enjoys anything. I have never heard her say one positive thing. I’ve never heard her mention a TV show or book or movie she likes. I’ve never heard her talk about plans for the weekend, hobbies, anything that might spark joy. Maybe she’s so down on everything everyone else is doing because she has no idea how to find joy herself. I mean, hell, I’m not suggesting anything to her. I know it’ll get grumbles at best. But if that’s the case ... as well as being angry with her, I feel bad for her. Even at my anhedonic worst, I was always groping for something to enjoy, some little thing that might give me even a moment of joy and could keep me going just a little longer. I can’t imagine what it must be to not have anything, to be sour about everything.
I just ... don’t feel bad enough to risk talking about the things I love where she can hear me. I don’t want to know what she thinks of what I’m doing or watching or reading, because I’m pretty sure I know the reaction I’ll get. Which I guess makes me feel even worse for her. How lonely must a person be when all they have as a way to connect with other people is mean-spirited complaints about them - who they are, what they wear, what they enjoy? I think a better person might try harder than I am, but as the saying goes, ‘save who you can, but put your own oxygen mask on first’. To continue the metaphor, I’m not helping her with her mask because I’m too worried she’ll rip my own right off if I get too close. Flailing desperation or not, I’m just as screwed. I worked hard for the things I love, and I need them. I’m not risking her taking away even the tiniest bit of my joy in them.
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chrispineofficial · 2 years
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gracie has a friend next door who is a husky named jax and jax’s owners are a jewish couple the same age as my parents, so you can probably imagine how much fun we have being each other’s neighbors. like what an outlet for checking in. anyway the other day our dogs were playing and somehow we got on the topic of marriage and i was like “i’ll probably never get married” and paraphrased whoopi goldberg by saying something like “i don’t need somebody in my house” and my pseudo-dad next door was like “but what if you’re in somebody else’s house?” and lol what a jewish dad. what if it’s somebody else’s house. also nightmare. what if the world were made of pudding? now let’s have a theoretical debate about it
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anonymousmink · 10 months
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So I’m still writing this btw… 20/30-35ish chapters posted so far! Check it out here on AO3 if you’re into that kinda thing 💜
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90363462 · 2 years
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The View’ Hosts Defend Taylor Swift’s ‘Fat’ Scale in ‘Anti-Hero’ Music Video
"You all want to say something about Taylor Swift, leave her a-- alone!"
Rania Aniftos10/25/2022
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Taylor Swift, "Anti-Hero" Courtesy Photonone
Following the release of Taylor Swift‘s vulnerable “Anti-Hero” music video on Friday (Oct. 21), the star received some backlash, with critics accusing her of being “fatphobic” due to a scene in which Swift steps on a scale that reads “fat.”
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However, on Tuesday morning’s (Oct. 25) episode of The View, the hosts took to Swift’s defense, noting that she is expressing her personal experience with body image. “They missed the point,” Sunny Hostin said. “For someone who’s an artist, she gets to have agency over her artistry. She was describing a personal experience, and quite frankly, it’s a personal experience a lot of women experience. I’ve experienced it, and men. You get on the scale and you’re a perfectly normal weight and all you see is fat, all you see is, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m five pounds heavier than I should be.'”
Whoopi Goldberg urged critics to “just let her have her feelings,” and not to watch the video if you don’t like it. “Why are you wasting your time on this?” she continued. “You all want to say something about Taylor Swift, leave her a– alone!”
Goldberg concluded by calling out “our society” instead Swift. “You can never be just what you are. Everybody wants you to be something more, be less this, more that, and it’s what people do to each other on social media,” she said.
Swift has previously opened up about personal nature of “Anti-Hero,” calling it “one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written,” as she’s never “delved this far into my insecurities in this detail before.”
“I struggle a lot with the idea that my life has become unmanageably sized,” she continued. “Not to sound too dark, but I just struggle with the idea of not feeling like a person — don’t feel bad for me, you don’t need to. But this song really is a real guided tour through all the things I tend to hate about myself; we all hate things about ourselves.”
Watch The View segment below.
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fortey · 2 years
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The Day I Met Ray Liotta
Once a long lost FunnyCrave or HolyTaco article, now returned! I emailed it to someone in 2011! RIP Mr. Liotta, you were awesome.
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The life of an internet comedian is a whirlwind of excitement.  If you’re not at a gala dinner to support the preservation of owls whose name may include the word “tit” but not in an obscene fashion, you’re spinning hilarious quips into 140 character gemstones on Twitter, then constantly refreshing to see who replied or retweeted you and helped validate your existence for a few moments.  Oh, it’s quite the ride.  Of course, along with this comes the magnificence of celebrity; brushing elbows with the world’s elite.  Yes, celebrities are better than you and I because they have been on television.  Have you been on television?  Don’t answer, I won’t have time to read it.
Every so often, as writers, we get invited to cover luxurious events, movie premieres and golden jubilees.  Recently, we were on our way to cover the opening of Moneyball when it became clear that getting to the theatre for the red carpet event would be a difficult task when it happened the day before and we had forgotten about it.  Oops.  Like any reasonable professional, the course of correction for this oversight was clear – cheap booze from Trader Joes.
The bus came quickly and the ride was as smooth as the finest Chinese silk, straight from the puckered anus of the most refined caterpillar.  Upon reaching the stop conveniently located a mere block from Trader Joe’s, I departed from my public transit comrades’ company and sought out some discount bourbon that I felt would make my evening a little more festive as I planned another week of Holy Taco galleries and answered the site’s fan mail with veiled threats and outright threats.
Upon entering Trader Joe's I was met with the familiar smell of Joe himself – exotic spices from the Orient and a touch of sweat.  Kind of what you’d expect a child in a shoe factory to smell like, if he’d managed to use that month’s salary to buy a ginger snap.  Other customers milled about purchasing unsweetened green tea, trail mix and other preposterous products of that ilk.  None of that for me, it was the single malt Imperial bourbon whiskey that was calling my name.  To be fair, a Trader Joe’s employee was the one calling me after I accidentally knocked over a display of Toscano cheese, but he didn’t know my name so I refused to listen.
As I perused the store’s selection of liquors, emboldened by the knowledge an underpaid servant was now cleaning my artisanal cheese mess, I paused to ask a fellow alcohol enthusiast if the Aberlour would quench my thirst better than the Imperial, only I worded it thusly “How fast will this get me shitfaced?”
To my surprise, the gravelly voice that replied to me with a simple “it’ll get you where you need to be” belonged to none other than famed thespian Ray Liotta.  Mr. Liotta, as you no doubt know, is the star of such films as No Escape and Operation: Dumbo Drop.  I was taken aback.
“Are you Ray Liotta?” I asked. It was a stupid ass question at best, because he was clearly Ray Liotta.  Also, no one likes being asked who they are.  Generally the only people who ask you to confirm your identity are the police or idiots on the phone.  I had made my first misstep in our new friendship.
Liotta may have smiled or sneered and said “yes,” making eye contact only briefly.  Was he becoming testy?  Did he realize he should not have initiated contact?  I had to act quickly.  How does one best know for writing internet articles about sex toys and the Black Eyed Peas (but not together.  Not yet anyway) make a good impression on a man who has co-starred on film with Whoopi Goldberg?
“I wrote a pretty popular article about sex toys once,” I say, placing a hand in my pocket.  Tactical error, that.
Mr. Liotta bade a hasty retreat, which makes sense even to me, and I was left holding my bourbon.  The Aberlour sounded good so I took two and shortly followed after Mr. Liotta looking to not only explain myself but take some time to arrange a play date for us later in the week.  Of course, being men, we wouldn’t call it a play date.  That would be asinine.  It would be Boy Time.
Having only watched Liotta on film, you may be surprised to learn he possesses some manner of Spiderman-like intuition or “Liotta Sense” if you will, which allowed him to stealthily avoid me with apparent ease thence forward.  By the time I finaly caught sight of him he was leaving the store with several packages of breakfast burritos.  Good choice, Ray.  Good choice.
I was detained in line behind some filthy hippie who was trying to find out if there was gluten in his trail mix, as if anyone on earth would mourn his loss should he eat gluten (it’s poisonous, right?  Why on Earth would they add that to trail mix?  Add more raisins instead) and by the time I made my purchase, Ray had vanished forever.  As I rode the bus home, I was wistful, and lifted my head with an impossible hope every time the bus stopped and the door opened to allow on a new passenger.  “Ray?!” I’d say quietly, as other passengers moved away from me.  But it never was.  Ray Liotta probably has a car.  No bus for him.  No sir.
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intothewickedwood · 2 years
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Once Upon A Time In Wonderland Rewatch: 1x08 Home
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Oh, I love the falling stars. It would be incredibly dangerous in real life, considering how huge and hot I hear stars are, but it just seems so romantic. And anything’s possible in Wonderland.
Alice and Cyrus are so damn cute.
The compass idea is so cool, as well. God, I love this show.
What the hell?! Leave them alone, random dudes! They were having a nice date.
How do they know he’s a genie? Have they seen him before? Maybe he should start wearing disguises. Or, if there was a kind magic user, they could put the spell that Rumple put on Regina in ‘2x20 The Evil Queen’ on him. Maybe make it so only he and Alice can see the real him. But I guess there’s no kind magic user around, except for Cyrus and I imagine that would require a carefully worded wish. It could be disastrous. Alternatively, they could just go back to the Victorian England realm.
I love Alice fight scenes. She’s so badass!
Oh no! She’s hurt!
Oh my God! That’s a lot of blood!
Alice: “Where were you?” Will: “Sorry, nature was calling.” Alice: “Really? What did it say?” Will: “Nothing you want to hear, trust me.” Lmao!
Cyrus go weee!  
I wonder if actors really have to hang upside down for scenes like this. It must take hours. Is that even safe?
Oh my God, he heard it through the grape vine. Literally! This show istg. I’m stealing that one for my book.
Oh snap! Jafar’s got the bottle!
If only they had that accursed looking glass, then they wouldn’t have to worry about the White Rabbit’s loyalty.  
I love that the White Rabbit’s wife is Whoopi Goldberg. Awesome! Love her movies!  
Baby bunnies!  
What is a baby bunny called? Oh wow! They’re actually called kittens or kits!! That’s wild!  
Can’t Cyrus jump off that carriage and run? I guess he’s weakened from being upside down all that time.
Why’d Jafar break the genie bottle?!  
Oh, was it a fake? Clever Anastasia.
Alice to the White Rabbit: “I do understand.” *Hits Will* Will: “Me too. I also apparently understand.” I love them xD.
Oh. She tied Cyrus up with a vine? Surely, he could easily break through that. It must be magic.
Bless Cyrus, he was so worried.  
Rabbit! I know you’re worried about Alice but she loves him! Don’t warn him away from her!  
Oh dear, poor Marcus Tremaine!Tweedle.
What’s Jafar gonna do with the Red Queen’s hair?
Oh snap! He messed up her castle! I can’t remember if he destroys it completely.
Scarlet Queen’s theme music is so unique and haunting. I like it!
Rabbit: “My bunnies! My little bunnies!” Aww. His kittens!
Anastasia and Cyrus have to be, like, the one ship I look at and feel seem incompatible to me. I just can’t see it at all.  But that’s just me. For those who ship it, that’s awesome!  
What is he doing with her hair? Oh yeah, sending a deadly storm to attack her. That’s some cool and unique magic! Dangerous though! Incredibly dangerous.
I’d love to go on wild adventures with the love of my life like Cyrus and Alice. It’d be so fun!
Why is she wearing that bandage over her dress?
But someone could accidently walk into their hide out. It needs a good protection spell as well.
Ooh, pretty fancy in there. Where’s the toilet? Is it next to the kitchen lol?  
To think, it's been here all along, somewhere to belong, and a reason, a 'something' to believe in. I've finally found it, a place where I'm wanted. This must be how it feels to have a home.  
If you know where those lyrics are from, you get so many cookies.
Uh oh, what’s Rabbit up to? Why didn’t he want to go into the tent with them?
Will bouncing on the bed, lol.
Come on Alice, chill out, girl.
Alice and Cyrus reunited at last!!
I wonder if the White Rabbit is the only rabbit who can make portals. Can his family? Is it a genetic thing or did he learn how to make them? Can only rabbits make them without a hat or can humans learn to/be born portal creators as well?
Let the rabbit make a portal and all get out of there, quick!
The tension in this scene is amazing!
You can tell it’s going against every bone in Anastasia to appear vulnerable in front of Alice.  
She dropped the fake posh accent lol! Alice must be, like, wtaf is going on with this woman?!
The confession that she’s doing all this for Will!
Anastasia: “I would give up my crown. I would give up anything, everything just to go back to a time when you loved me.” Agh! It hurts!!
Quickly! Get out of there, guys!
She’s so desperate! I don’t blame them for not trusting her, but they don’t have much of a choice.
Oh my God! The lightning rebounded off Ana and hit Will!
That looks so freaking painful!
Oh snap! Alice wished that if Will died, she would die too. Nooo! Help them!
Oh man, but it looked like she was gonna die before Will. I guess that’s just how unpredictable wishes can be.
What does Anastasia mean when she says to an injured Will, “you don’t have eight days”? Why eight days specifically? Is it just a mistake with the subtitles?
Bless Will, uses his wish to end Alice’s suffering, even when he’s dying too. The best big bro!
Everyone’s freaking out. Where’s Will?!
Oh no! Poor Will’s a genie! Can this guy ever catch a break?
Oh no! His bottle’s gonna fall down a waterfall! That’ll be some ride!  
Gosh, you’ve gotta be so, so specific with wishes or it can end in complete disaster. It takes your wish and can twist it in so many different ways. You could wish for a block of cheese and then a giant freaking hamster will turn up and bite your head off. Wild!  
Loved that ep!
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savefilescomng12 · 6 hours
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Tiffany Haddish Reunites with Teacher Who Taught Her to Read
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Tiffany Haddish is reuniting with a teacher who had a huge influence on her.  On the Tuesday, May 7 episode of The View — for Teacher Appreciation Day — the Girls Trip star, 44, thanked the person who taught her how to read in high school: drama teacher Mrs. Grieb. In 9th grade at Los Angeles’ El Camino Real High School, Haddish recalled, Grieb “figured out that I couldn’t read. I was very good at hiding and masking and pretending and she figured out that I couldn’t do it very well.” The teacher “would have me come to her class at lunch, in that 15 minute break, and she would give me magazines and newspapers and she would sit with me to read. Basically by the end of the semester I was reading!” “It sounds like a reunion’s a little overdue,” quipped host Sara Haines, before surprising an emotional Haddish by announcing that Grieb was joining them on the show.  (Left-right:) Mrs. Grieb and Tiffany Haddish on 'The View' May 7. ABC Haddish, who said that she’d kept in touch with her teacher via social media and telephone, had not seen her in person in 25 years. “Thank you so much for being patient with me,” the Afterparty star tearfully said when asked what she wanted to tell Grieb. “Thank you so much for always encouraging me, and taking time with me and listening to me.”  Referencing her difficult childhood, Haddish added while wiping away tears, “During that time I was really struggling a lot and you were the most consistent, constant thing in my world next to my grandma. I’m so grateful for you, I’m so glad I met you. Thank you so much for being kind.” Alyssa Farah Griffin then presented Grieb a limited-edition copy of William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, a play that won Haddish a high school drama competition. “Thank you,” responded Grieb. “It’s a great play, and she was great in it.”  “I still remember it. Want me to do it 1715114712?” joked Haddish.  Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. (Left-right:) Mrs. Grieb and Tiffany Haddish on 'The View' May 7. ABC “Great teachers,” said Whoopi Goldberg, “you never know your effect on a student. If you’re a teacher sitting out there, thank you for everything you do.”  In Haddish’s new memoir, I Curse You with Joy (out May 7 from Diversion Books), the actress details the ups and downs of her career and personal life, including her mother’s struggles with mental illness, which led Haddish to become her family’s caretaker before ending up in the foster care system. “I wanted this book to be about something,” Haddish told PEOPLE of the follow-up to her 2017 New York Times bestseller The Last Black Unicorn. “I felt like I needed to live a little more life and get a better understanding of where I am now.” Among Haddish’s upcoming screen projects is Will Smith and Martin Lawrence’s Bad Boys: Ride or Die. Source link Read the full article
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pashterlengkap · 2 months
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Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor criticized “The Color Purple” for “sanitizing” lesbian romance
Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor is disappointed in the way the latest adaptation of author Alice Walker’s The Color Purple depicted the Pulitzer Prize-winning 1982 novel’s central lesbian relationship. “The Color Purple is a book about Black lesbians,” the out bisexual actress told Buzzfeed in a recent interview. “Whether the choice was made to focus on that or not in the cinematic iterations of The Color Purple, it’s still a movie about Black lesbians. People can try to say the story is about sisterhood, but it’s a story about Black lesbians. Period.” Related: Homophobic rapper viciously mocked for walking out of “The Color Purple” over lesbian love story He apparently went to see “The Color Purple” without knowing that it has a lesbian story arc. The 2023 film—itself an adaptation of the hit Broadway musical based on Walker’s novel—is the second adaptation of The Color Purple to hit the silver screen. While director Steven Spielberg’s Academy Award-nominated 1985 film starring Whoopi Goldberg downplayed the relationship between Celie, a horrifically abused Black woman living in the rural South in the early 1900s, and free-spirited blues singer Shug Avery, Walker herself praised the new film for its more forthright depiction of the characters as lovers. Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our daily newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. But the Oscar-nominated Ellis-Taylor, who appears in the new film as Celie’s (Fantasia Barrino) mother in flashbacks, was unimpressed. “What is hard for me is that when we have those spaces where we can honor the truth of that, we walk away from it. We suppress it. We hide it. We sanitize it,” she explained. “In the sanitizing of it, someone like me — knowing that The Color Purple is a book about Black lesbians — looks at that and thinks, ‘You’re sanitizing me and my friends, and other people who I love and adore. Why?’ [If] you don’t want to be offensive, then you’re saying to the world that I’m offensive.” Ellis-Taylor went on to recall seeing Spielberg’s film for the first time: “I knew that watching Margaret Avery kiss Whoopi Goldberg was astonishing, exciting, and affirming. It showed me the possibility of myself and the possibility to love a woman who loves me in return. I’ll never get over that. It lives with me.” But, she said it has been hard seeing the story’s queer elements ignored in discussions of the new film. “Why are we talking about it almost in a sort of incidental way?” she asked. “Alice Walker wrote The Color Purple with intention because she was writing about herself. I just want that part of the book to be portrayed in the films with intention, instead of it being incidental. I want people to walk away from The Color Purple thinking, ‘I just saw a movie about Black lesbians.’ I don’t think that has happened.” Ellis-Taylor also pointed to the importance of having Black queer women at the helm of films that tell their stories. “You have to have Black women and Black queer women in the making of it,” she said. “Neither one of the cinematic iterations of The Color Purple [had Black or Black queer women creating it]. The first one was written and directed by a white man. The remake was written and directed by a Black man. I think the writer might be a queer man, but it ain’t the same.” “Somebody has to be brave,” Ellis-Taylor said. “Alice Walker wrote a book about Black lesbians, and we’re still telling that story today. The Color Purple is one of the most important books in the canon of world literature. People are still buying the book. There is business in bravery.” http://dlvr.it/T3BrzR
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