#abuse sabotage | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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abuser: spends years meticulously isolating, grooming, trapping and sabotaging victim to the point where they don't know they're abused, blame themselves, think abuse is just normal, feel no confidence about any of their skills, have no one and no way of survival if they escape, and they're aware their lives are threatened if they try

society: well why didn't the victim just leave if they didn't like it :/

#escaping abuse #abuse sabotage #toxic society #abuse denial #denial of reality #defending abuse #victim blaming #victim shaming

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bestomato · 7 months

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back again

#my art #anthy himemiya #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #NO SPOILERS IN NOTES!!!!! PLEASE i only just finished the 1st arc 😭#yesterday i did a late night photo shoot of me pretending to scream while pulling on my hair. this is how this anime got me #i love anthy i think it’s interesting to see how self sabotage is common behavior in abuse victims and how they connect that to the world #the visual department of this is SO GOOD. I LOVE ME A GOOD SYMBOLISM ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!!#now i am going to sleep. good night!

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placetovent306 · 1 month

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TW Heavy vent

I wish my dad hit me more often, more violently. I wish he had shoved my face harder against the desk, broke my nose, and made me bleed that day.

I wish I was raped by that guy and not only assaulted.

I wish my classmates physically bullied me too, I wish they were more cruel with their mockery and insults.

I wish my mom wasn't such a great actress, I wish she never even bothered to act like she cares, maybe then people would believe me.

I wish my family bullied me and not only outcasted and ignored me.

I wish I was the case of "had worse." I wish my pain was seen as something terrible that no one deserves to go through.

Maybe then I wouldn't need to prove that I was hurt.

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ineffably-human · 6 months

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"I'm now realizing that the entire season (and possibly the entire show) I loved and enjoyed before actually sucked and I was just fooling myself."

Cool, I just found like three new narrative layers in the goofy plot about the cursed suit.

Hope you guys process that grief in a very normal way that stays away from Twitter.

#read: in a way that doesn't verbally abuse anyone and doesn't sabotage a final renewal for this show #please and fucking thank you #fandom: ofmd #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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I lost everything loving you

I lost my sanity

I lost My identity

I lost my standards

I lost my morals

I lost my boundaries

I lost myself loving you

A.Val

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autopsyfreak · 5 days

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the question is do i fill my chronic boredom with destructive decisions or with sex

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izzyspussy · 7 days

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there's a meta post going around that i disagree with heavily and i wanna say why but i don't wanna be argumentative in op's notes so i'm making a vaguepost instead

a) i don't really remember anything in canon that would provide evidence to say ted is untruthful or inaccurate by saying jamie is "getting good minutes" at city. the one (1) game we see him play for them he IS a starter, and not only that he plays for the entire game (and is also shown to be behaving well, encouraging his teammates, and playing cooperatively). jamie mentioning that he doesn't start every time or play the full 90 every game and is on the bench sometimes really doesn't indicate that he's unfavored as a player, due simply to the fact that Manchester City is a huge, well funded team with more talent to cycle through than it could ever manage to use all of consistently. we also have to keep in mind that TL is not the real world, and while 24 is not a young player anymore here on covid-19's Earth, it is said that jamie is at the beginning of his career several times in canon. it may be unrealistic, but it's not an unreliable narrative - some suspension of disbelief is necessary. jamie is still a junior player in the world if TL so it's not a snub to him or evidence that he's not doing well if he's not a permanent fixture on the starting lineup with more established players on a large and star studded team.

b) and honestly more importantly: abuse makes you crazy. it makes you irrational and/or emotionally unstable. it truly does not matter at all if the rest of your circumstances are "the dream" or not. it does not matter if you might even personally think that bad is worth putting up with for the sake of keeping the good. sometimes people do make that call I won't say that doesn't happen, but it is really unlikely to be a logical cost-benefit analysis of a decision. so like... even if james never treated jamie any worse than exactly what we saw in canon (which i would also say is already quite a bit worse than just "sucking"), there it is not even the slightest leap to think he'd "throw away the dream" to get away, whether he could ideally tough it out or not. sometimes you make choices that are the wrong choices! sometimes you do something irrational and based on emotional impulse! that's true even if your life is relatively easy and low stress and you have a strong support network and no mental illness or trauma responses to manage! and every new factor that contributes to stress makes it exponentially more likely.

say you have a high pressure job, and it's also very physically taxing, and also you have a restricted diet, and also you just made yourself vulnerable and were rejected with no explanation, and also you recently got dumped, and also your mom is disappointed in you, and also you don't have any close friends, and also your abuser can show up any time he wants even at your workplace and push you around and scare you and humiliate you and relentlessly insult you and make sure you never feel any sense of accomplishment or enjoyment from the activity that you love and spend the vast majority of your daily life working hard at and the entirety of your life maintaining your ability to perform. and yeah, you've got your dream job. objectively you're doing very well. but boy i tell you what with all that shit you can fucking bet you're crazy too! and when you're crazy you make decisions that are also crazy!! and btw self sabotage is one of the most common maladaptive behaviors of all time!!!

anyway in conclusion: sometimes coming up with a well reasoned explanation is not necessary (and may even make less sense) when the explanation of bad reasoning has already been provided for you

#this ended up being much crankier than i thought it would #double glad i didn't add it on to the post lol #jack facts #ted lasso #jamie tartt #hc #reading process #infinite diversity #anyway brought to you by an abuse survivor who self sabotaged his way out of a full ride scholarship to an accredited 4yr private universit #because it was too close to home 🙃#i do vague sir but i do not vague at you sir

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eatacidsseesatan · 4 months

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najlepsze uczucie...

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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How do I leave an abusive situation when I'm being held hostage/my abuser is doing things to hinder my ability to leave?

I can't even make phone calls without him being in the same room. I never get time by myself. I keep losing friends because he decides on a whim that they're toxic assholes and I don't need them, "you just need me".

I'm so scared of what's going to happen if I escape.

It sounds absolutely terrifying, your situation. I don't know enough about it to suggest when would be a good time to escape, and what is the best way, but by your fear, I can tell that you know you'd be in danger after escaping, and it's correct to follow that instinct. That means, once you escape, nobody can know your location, nobody should be able to find you or betray your location to the abuser. Being completely hidden and nobody being able to locate you is the only way for you to be completely safe after you escape. Violence shelters can sometimes arrange this for you - they put you in a shelter in a location in another city and make sure nobody knows the address, that could potentially keep you safe for a while. Your abuser isn't omnipotent, he can't read your thoughts, or find you if you are in a location he can't easily see or find out from someone about. I was terrified of what would happen too, if I escape, and I got someone to drive me only a part of the way, then walked to my destination so nobody would be able to know where it was. I never shared my address with anyone and immediately started using a fake name. I was never found.

The only other thing I can tell you is that nobody's sabotage is perfect, and there will be windows for you to escape. It might be when the abuser is asleep, or when they're sure you're doing something else. Sometimes, you can create an emergency that takes his full attention and you can escape then. Even if this sounds terrifying, remember, the second he doesn't know where you are, he can't harm you. He can't take you back or do revenge. You just need a window of opportunity, and you alone can figure out when that is. Nobody is 100% alert and able to watch over another person 24/7, they instead use fear, threats, fear-mongering and other kinds of sabotage, as you already described, you're not allowed to have friends or talk to anyone on the phone, in order for your escape to be sabotaged. He makes you feel like escape is impossible, or terrifying or dangerous, but if it that was true, there would be no reason to put that fear into you. The fear is what makes it hard. And he knows that, he's making sure you're terrified of it.

Some abusers will let their guard down when they believe the victim is not even wanting or trying to escape. Sometimes they'll be occupied by their own social calls and won't pay as much attention to you then. Sometimes they can get indulged in fears or problems of their own and then not watch out what you're doing. If you are showing overt signs of trying to escape, that would be most dangerous; you have to work in secret. Put money away in secret, if you can, have secret friends or contacts, secret communication with a shelter, while pretending that you're perfectly happy to be where you are, leading him on to relax and not watch you too closely. Then you can put your plans into action, it's best if you can arrange it to seem like you're only going out to do something generic like to the dentist or grocery store, while you've already hidden your stuff outside to pick up and go. Or leaving by night could be okay if you're sure you won't get caught in the dark. (I did leave by night)

The reason he's not allowing you to have friends is that he understands that even 1 good friend who would side with you could give you a chance of escape. If you managed to get to a friend's house and a friend was ready to defend you, and wouldn't let him access you or hurt you, and threatened to call the police if you're not left be, that could be the end of it, he would no longer be able to abuse you. He understands that you do have options of escape, thats why he keeps sabotaging you.

This is a really tough situation, and I feel for you anon, I would be terrified as well, and lost on how to arrange to get independent and free. I hope you can get even into a situation where you can call a shelter and ask immediate assistance, where I live they would be able to immediately house you for 6 months, and during that time you can figure out where you can live and how to build your life again.

If anyone has any more advice or ideas on how to escape, or has dealt with a similar situation, please add more advice here.

#escaping abuse #dangerous abusers #well planned escape #leaving abusers #abuse sabotage #abusers seeming too dangerous to escape #abusers seeming omniscient #hang in there anon #it might take a while to figure out the best way #but it's only important that you do it successfully once and you can be protected by distance and mystery forever

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angria · 25 days

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Difficult, but overall good session. Mainly discussed my increase in sabotage urges around “better” and making progress.

It wasn’t until the final few minutes that T really challenged my rejection of better and improvement. He understands the majority of it comes from childhood and not receiving attention or care from others. Elaborating, he told me there is a need for control when I have those moments of wanting attention and care (which he reminded me again is not manipulative or a bad thing). The urge to SH or get worse is a way to exercise that control. I didn’t receive attention and care as a child, so now this is the way I can ensure I receive what I want and need. T also reminded me I still receive attention, even when I am “better.” Challenging him, I said it’s different. It feels different, less. He affirmed it is not the same type of attention, but I still have caring from others, just not dependent on being sick or severe. I need to learn to care for myself in those times of feeling alone or wanting attention and, at the same time, it is still okay to reach out and ask for what I need and to receive support.

What he said makes sense, but I still feel resistant. It’s different and feels less. I’m too terrified to be completely alone again, depending on myself as a child. As the session winded down, T told me to think of how things are better. What does better mean to me and why is it good. I had brought up the gratitude issue in my diary cards and he said to not worry about it now (although it is still important). Just be mindful of what in my life is better. Then he said something that kind of hit me…when the need for attention arises, when I’m not feeling cared enough and feeling the need to sabotage in order to receive care, ask myself what am I fearing. What am I afraid of. While also asking these questions with understanding and compassion, not with shame and loathing for wanting attention. That I’m not being manipulative or bad.

Just a lot to process. It was really sweet though…on a separate topic, I mentioned being worried that I was too physically tense with A when we were cuddling last date. That I’m not even aware I’m tense most of the time, yet people comment on it sometimes. T smiled and began to describe when I first started seeing him, I would hand him papers or things very rigidly and quickly snap my hand back. Now, I am much more fluid in motion and trusting with him. He kind of got teary as he was describing this, saying this is another example of progress for me.

#cptsd #bpd #trauma #abuse #therapy #emotional dysregulation #triggers #self sabotage #self harm #nothing is safe #disordered attachment #abandonment #do i even want to get better?#terrified of recovery #angriadm

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moonlit-positivity · 1 month

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You are NOT your parents. That reflection staring back at you in the mirror? That is YOU. Those physical similarities do not define the personal growth and work of who you are. You are sitting here day by day shredding the absolute madness of from your soul. You are allowed to change your perspective on how they raised you to believe yourself as an exact mirror image of them, because you are consciously doing the work every single day to change and untangle those needles from your heart with each day that passes. Meanwhile your parents have never done this a day in their life, and they never will. Your parents no longer get to dictate how you feel about yourself. And yes, I will absolutely say it to their faces for you.

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menalez · 5 months

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idk the change in having only been in toxic and abusive relationships in the past to now being in a mutually loving relationship that is not toxic nor abusive,, it makes me think like. u can’t truly love someone who’s abusive to u or emotionally manipulative to u or toxic to u. no matter how convinced u feel that it’s love, there’s this lacking in trust and comfort that i feel is essential to fully feel love? dunno if that makes sense

#like w my ex n2 i thought she was maybe my first love #but in hindsight how can that be my first love. someone who exploits n abuses me n manipulates me n steals from me n pressured me n hits me #and my ex before that.. how can it be love when the person lies to u & about u & is toxic & sabotaging the relationship constantly #maybe my gf now is my first true love

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jaydhon · 2 years

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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I sacrificed so much to love you

I sacrificed friendships

I sacrificed parts of my family

I sacrificed my sanity

I sacrificed my time

I sacrificed everything I worked so hard to keep and maintain

All while loving you because I kept choosing you

Everytime

And you still won't choose me

A.Val

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xashtray · 2 years

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you wanna hurt me? it's okay, it doesn't matter. you wanna use me? it's okay, i feel useful when I'm being used, do it anyway. you can do anything to me, even bad things, as long as you stay here and not leaving me. i can take the pain of you hurting me, but not leaving me. so, do anything you want and stay.

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the-healing-mindset · 1 year

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This... All too relatable. After years of being in a traumatizing environment and having a lot of old triggers that I didn't even know about be reactivated, I find myself doing nothing but self-sabotaging in both arenas of my life. I am always frustrated by it because I know that I am capable of so much more and that I have worked for so much more. But, I just continue to find that it's difficult to overcome.

Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle

#trauma #self-sabotage #self-sacrifice #abuse #mental health #life #living #achievement #high achievement #high achiever #alone

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