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yuri-is-online · 1 year

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Twisted Time Loops (CH. 6/7 Spoilers)

I have been going insane while reading chapter 6 for... several reasons, but mostly because literally everything I read convinces me some sort of time travel/looping going on here, and that it's probably Malleus's fault. Screenshots and ramble under the cut.

"1,000 years will pass in a blink of an eye." is what Malleus promises us in the pv for his chapter, but that's not the first time this specific amount of time has been mentioned in TWST. It has appeared twice in chapter 6 so far, first when Idia is measuring Grim's blot level:

And second pretty much immediately afterwords when Idia and Ortho are talking about the phantoms trapped in Tartarus:

What Vil says here is extremely important to me. "Living as a hate filled monster for over a millennium." We don't know if 1,000 years will actually pass in chapter 7 yet, but if it does, based off everything said here, Malleus could still be alive and suffering on a level unlike any of the previous overblots we've seen before. The main issue would be whether or not the phantom that exists 1,000 years from now is still Malleus. Idia and Ortho make it pretty clear, in my opinion at least, that the phantom an overblot produces starts as a separate entity to the mage. After a while the phantom consumes and replaces the mage, but it's unclear how much of the mage's personality remains. Will there be anything left of Malleus to reason with when we wake up? Or will he just be a mindless phantom trying desperately to keep his "paradise" alive?

To be honest I don't think any of this is groundbreaking news. It just means that twst is pretty good at foreshadowing things. What's really confusing, to me at least, is when you start trying to fit Grim and Yu into this puzzle.

It's pretty much accepted that Grim has something to do with the Chimera we fight in the prologue, even if that isn't something the game has outright confirmed (yet). What I initially focused on the first time I read this chapter was Idia saying Grim was "a magical fusion of a direbeast and some kind of animal..." and "a direbeast with high blot density." Mostly because A) hahaha sucks to be you Grim you really are a cat and B) what the hell is a direbeast? A chimera is a fictional beast created by fusing more than one creature together, so it makes sense that Grim could be labeled a chimera given this description, but again, what is a direbeast in Twisted Wonderland? Direbeast puts me in the mind of direwolves, which in fiction are typically portrayed as highly intelligent wolves, sometimes capable of human speech. They are almost always portrayed as un-repentantly evil, and occasionally working with evil aligned races, Tolkien's orcs immediately come to mind for me. But that's Tolkien and this is a very well researched Disney game, so while the concept is likely similar there's still a lot we don't know about monsters in Twisted Wonderland, in fact the only things we do know for certain come from the start of chapter 6: they attack human villages and their default nature is seen as violent. I would add screenshots here but I am reaching my limit, but Ace is the one who tells us monsters attacks humans (he is apparently capable of watching the news) and Crowley is the one who suggests Grim attacking us might simply be his true nature as a monster shining through. Because he isn't sketchy enough, clearly.

So monsters regularly attack human settlements, and we can assume that they can accumulate blot based off what Idia says about direbeats, but that just raises the question of why anyone would create Grim in the first place. Is the spell Idia found traces of on Grim, the "thousand year old primeval magic," responsible for his creation, or something else entirely? Assuming there really is a time loop going on, I think it's safe to assume that what we see at the start of the game with the forced loss to the chimera is what happens during the "bad end," maybe the end of the previous loop. So why would I say this is all Malleus's fault if we are loosing to a chimera?

If there really is a time loop going on, there needs to be an original timeline. Malleus overblotting honestly seems like an unavoidable event, Lilia was always going to leave him eventually and (as important as Yu is to him) this is clearly what has triggered him going off of the deep end. As much as I like Lilia, he is not exactly... the best parent. If he leaves with the same abruptness in every timeline I just cannot see things going any other way. So let's suppose Mallues overblots, locks everyone in a sleep for 1,000 years and now we are stuck in a loop trying to undo that. Did the other boys overblot in the original timeline too? I don't know. Idia says he finds it hard to believe Vil, Jamil, or Leona would overblot under normal circumstances, and while I am unsure if I agree about Jamil I don't think saying he has a point about Leona is remotely controversial. If an outside force is causing these particular overblots in the first place, then that sort of pokes holes in Malleus being solely responsible for this theory, but then we need to ask why. Who benefits from these overblots? The answer appears to be no one, or at least no one we have met.

The two most likely theories that I have seen are A) the whole game is a dream we are having while asleep under Malleus's spell and a side effect of trying to wake up, and B) just that we are re-setting time. I don't think these two theories are mutually exclusive exactly, we could just be re-setting a dream as opposed to time, but the question of how we got here remains. So here are my theories:

The spell Idia senses was cast on Grim by Malleus for some unknown reason. The only real evidence I have to support this is that A) he cannot tell if it is a blessing or a curse, Malleus' signature spell is a blessing that sounds like a curse B) Ortho says the only real difference between the two is intent anyway so there is no real reason to think Malleus could not use his magic to do either. The age of the spell could be a misdirection, it is 1,000 years old and it is ancient magic but that is because Grim was created 1,000 years in the future in a timeline that no longer exists. The flaw in this theory is that I don't think there is any concrete evidence Malleus knows how to cast "primeval magic." Sure he knows how to read ancient texts, but he says he is not as powerful or knowledgeable as his grandma and balks at being compared to the thorn fairy. Seeing as he isn't exactly humble I am sure we would know if he could.

The spell Idia senses has something to do with the direbeast used in Grim's creation. My logic for this is that we don't have any evidence to say that the direbeast used in Grim's creation wasn't the Chimera we see at the start of the game. Maybe that direbeast has been around since the age of the gods, which is apparently only around 1,000 years ago since that's the time period Idia gives for both primeval magic and as the age of the oldest phantoms (as of ch. 44 , so that's subject to change.) We don't know anything about how monsters age, use magic, or behave in their natural habitat so anything is possible as far as this is concerned. Maybe he was sensing Grim's signature spell for all we know.

Mickey says that he has had the same dream three times already, but immediately after that he says "There are always living cards and a dancing music box, too... But your voice gets clearer and clearer every time." People tend to gloss over that, but now that I think about it? I assume this refers to Ace and Deuce (the living cards) and Ortho (the dancing music box). He ends his little speech by asking if we maybe aren't a dream, which is what most people focus on in addition to the fact that he can see Silver. I have no idea what this means other than confirming Ace, Deuce, and Ortho are always a part of this timeline somehow. Maybe they are always friends with Yu? Who knows but good for them.

This is mostly just for laughs, but originally I was kicking around Yu not being present for the original timeline. My thought process was that maybe they got summoned to be Malleus's friend so he would have someone to rely on once Lilia left but that back fired because Yu wants to go home and also has no magic. I don't really think that anymore, Yu's presence probably has more to do with the creation of Grim. While theory 1 sounds much more plausible to me, I am kind of rooting for Grim and Yu to be 1,000 year old leftovers from some sort of attempt to contain blot that went terribly wrong that Crowley decided to dig out of some sketchy storage unit somewhere to try and fix his problem children. I think Yu deserves to be the FFXIV Azem of this story, which isn't something you should google if you intend to play that game.

Anyway that's all I have got, feel free to reblog and add your theories I am curious as to what other smarter people noticed. Just remember to tag appropriately.

#twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #twisted wonderland chapter 7 spoilers #chapter 7 spoilers #chapter 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland spoilers #twst theory

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mera-mann-kehne-laga · 9 months

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To my adorablest idiot,

//पर ये सब सोचना

दिल को यूँ खोलना

सब कुछ कह कर ही

सब को बताना ज़रूरी है क्या?//

I've always wanted to tell you so so so many things but...........i just.....couldn't. Maybe Because idk how to entangle this tangled mess of thoughts in my head and say them out loud as words that make any sense. Because i feel like it won't ever make sense to you. It has never to anyone before.

//अक्सर तुमसे मिलकर मुझको

घर सा लगता है।

फिर क्यों दिल ही दिल में

कोई डर सा लगता है।//

Or maybe bcz I'm an insecure coward. And I'm afraid of being perceived. By my own home. I thought I should let it all out thoda toh bcz it was getting too much to hold in. I know you'll call me stupid. You'll tell me to stop thinking itna. But trust me i want to stop too. I so desperately want to. But i just.......can't.

i sometimes wish you could read my thoughts. So that you'd know how much i love you and how much you and everything you do and say mean to me and how I'm always resisting the urge to kiss you lol. But then i think no. He won't be able to withstand all the darkness in there. He'd get lost. It'd be too much for him. It'll consume him and he'll never be the same. Keep it to yourself please.

But on the other hand i still so desperately want you to reach to those dark cracks of my mind and heart. And plant the seeds of your love and reassurance. And water them with your firmness. And make them bloom into the most beautiful flowers, being the absolute sunshine you are, sunshine.

I know. It's all tedious work. But news flash. Loving someone like me is never easy. You ask me if i'm alright atleast 20 times a day, don't you? Or when I'm staring at you and you say What? And what is my answer everytime? Nothing.

I want to say everything. But everything sounds like a lot doesn't it? And then how'd i explain it to you if you ask kya everything?

Girls like me are not easy to love. We feel everything so very deeply that it consumes us whole at times. We need constant reminding that you love us. Because even the tiniest slightest change in your behaviour would make us think we did something wrong.

i often feel excluded from everything but it's mostly my fault because i distance myself because i think i'm annoying. Then i feel lonely. And soon enough the whole world comes crashing down. And this wave of sadness makes it feel like all friends are annoying, everything is loud, and I'm contemplating why I even exist. This restlessness took so much away from me, sometimes I wish it would have taken my life as well.

I'm jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don't have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don't struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don't struggle to hold friendships and relationships... they don't feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can manage pdhai and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.

I wonder how do you tell people? How do you tell them that you're exhausted even though you slept for 8 hours? How do you tell them that you need a break from talking and smiling and simply being near them? How do you tell them that you too are human and can make mistakes and can be a failure sometimes? Bc when the heck will this burn out leave me

i'm trying not to make it sound like a plea or an apology, but it should be one right?

//तू होगा ज़रा पागल

तूने मुझको है चुना।//

Aaj when i said that thing about jumping off that flyover on my way back home or when i told you I'll be going away after 11th ends, tujhe kuch sunai nahi diya hoga but my heart shattered into a thousand little pieces. To see how disheartened and concerned and tensed you were. I then went to the washroom and broke down thoda because the feeling of being an unlovable burden worsened all of a sudden. I was also kinda overwhelmed by how much you cared and the guilt of concerning you itna. Because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine ki someone'd ever love me aise. But then i came back and saw your stupid pyaara face and everything felt good again. I'm sorry. For concerning you like that.

Aur sun. Though I may seem at times somewhat distant from you, through the gray mist of my own thoughts and storms, I am never far. my thoughts always circle around you ok? I love you hehe

Yours,

Nishu.

#to him #may or may not send it to him #ok i will send it #not abhi but i will.

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floatingonalowvibe · 1 year

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Chapter five

This chapter mentions the use of drugs, trauma, and eating issues. Nothing too bad just a little. Drink some water today please.

I knew I had to get up, but I honestly didn't feel like it.

Yesterday Neil helped me drop out, due to recent events. I moved back from my apartment to my mom's house. Charlie was happy to see me. I have heard news that he's been getting in trouble, but when he told me why, I understood why he did what he did, and I understand why he was punished.

I finally got to the point where I could drag myself out of bed. I could smell the pancakes being cooked downstairs. I knew they were only making them because of what happened, they were trying their best to make me feel better.

I made my way downstairs, my tired body not wanting to cooperate with me.

I went into the kitchen, Niel and Charlie were sitting at the table, while mom was cooking in the other part of the kitchen.

“Hey sport....” I heard Niel say, sounding as if I was a child, “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine.” I replied monotoned. I honestly didn’t feel like speaking. It just doesn’t feel right.

“You have a letter, it's from Bernard." Charlie said, passing an envelope to me. After Niel and mom finally started to believe Dad that he was in fact Santa, I got around to telling them that I was sending letters to the head elf that works there. Mom endlessly teases me about “wHaT iF hE lIKeS yOu”. I never can get out a response, because the thought of him liking me left me speechless. I knew it would never happen, he is centuries older than me, and he would never like me like that.

I sat down next to Charlie, tearing open the letter. The familiar smell of peppermint and cinnamon wafted up into my nose, instantly making me smile. It was a subtle but comforting smell.

I slipped the letter out of the envelope, I thought about reading the letter here at the table, but maybe not, due to the fact that I don’t trust that Charlie won't read it over my shoulder. And this letter is the response to the letter I sent him about what happened. I slipped the letter back in its envelope, saving it for later.

“Aren’t you going to read it?” Charlie asked, his look of confusion was matching Niel’s.

“I’ll wait.” I spoke quickly and quietly. I watched as Mom came towards the table with a plate filled with pancakes stacked on top of one another in one hand and in the other a thing of syrup. The butter was already on the table, and I don’t understand why this family keeps the butter at the table. Oh well.

We ate, mostly in silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence though. I felt as though I didn't belong, I had been gone for so long, and now I'm back, after a really shitty turn of events, and now everyone's acting like I'm a bomb waiting to go off.And I feel that the only reason they're taking care of me is because they feel bad for me, they pity me.

I could barely eat; all my thoughts could think of was throwing up. I couldn’t even stand to look at the food. I knew it tasted good, but the thought of putting that shit into my mouth made me want to gag. Mom must have noticed that I wasn't eating, and the disgusted look on my face.

“Does it not taste good? " She asked, giving me a concerned look.

"No, no ,no! Not a all!" I said. "I'm just not very hungry."

Now I feel like a peice of shit

"You haven't been hungry these past few days, is something wrong?" I had no comment to that. He was right.

"I'm....just not hungry.." I mustered, feeling extremely guilty for somthing I don't know about.

I saw Niel purse his lips. He was getting annoyed. He's usually a pretty chill guy, but I was getting on his nerves now, just for not being hungry.

"You know that's not very healthy, right?"

All the attention of the room was on me, and I hated it. It was like a thousand eyes peircing through my skin, them knowing of my mistakes.

"I'm sorry ok? It's not my fault that I'm not hungry, I'm just not in the mood right now."

With that, I got up from the table, taking my plate to the kitchen. I went back upstairs to my room, the anger rising in me.I knew that such a small thing like me not being able to eat food was stupid. But somthing in me is pissed about it. It's not my fault, so why are they berrating me about it?

I quickly went to my closet, retrieving a small box that has been hidden from the rest of the house.I opened it, the familiar smell of marijuana filling my nose. It was comforting to me, it had a sense of calming over me.

I went over to my window where there was a little ledge, opening it. I took a deep breath of the crisp fall air, looking down into our back yard.Out there laid an old swing set. I remember the day we bought it, how the long hair I had flowed through the air as dad pushed me up and down.

I sighed, remembering those days. But I didn't miss them. Every adult I know has always told me to 'enjoy my childhood.'. There was nothing to enjoy about my childhood. From hiding my dysphoria, the divorce, to dealing with untreated mental illnesses, it was nowhere near fun. And I thought being older would be better, but I'm 19 and nothing major has gotten better. But I keep going anyways.

I took out the rolling paper, filling it with the weed, carefully rolling it up.

It took me a second to dig my lighter out of the deep abyss that is the box I keep stuff hidden in.

The only reason I'm smoking Is because of the stress. The meds that Neil gave me aren't working. They just make me super tired and numb.

I took of drag of the blunt, slowly exhaling the smoke out the window. As I watched the gray smoke drift out the window, I felt myself relaxing.

I shifted my weight over to my left side, and I felt the letter from Bernard in my pocket. I wondered how he responded to the dump truck worth of stuff I dumped on him.

I took the letter out of my pocket, taking the letter out of the rip I made earlier. And yet again, the scent of cinnamon and peppermint wafted into my nose, along with the scent of weed. I could feel my head swimming, but not in a bad way. It felt more like those colorful liquids you would slowly mix with a toothpick. I know that probably make zero sense but that's what it was like, along with a feeling of my limbs not being there.

𝘔/𝘯,

𝘔𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘬.

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦.

𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘭; 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺. 𝘋𝘳𝘶𝘮 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦!!

*𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘴*

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘦!

I stopped reading for a second. I didn’t believe what I just read.

𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦. 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

𝘉𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘥

I had to read over the short letter a few times to make sure I read everything right. I was shocked. My dad said I could stay at the north pole.

I took another hit of my blunt, letting it sink in.This next week is gunna be fun.

A/n: sorry this one took a sec to post I procrastinated a lot.

#bernard the elf #bernard the elf x reader #bernard the head elf #bernard x reader #x reader

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mogaiwiki · 2 years

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Another Update (3/24)

1. Kris has either been removed, or stepped down from r/XenogendersAndMore (yay!)... Unfortunately, he made a guilt tripping and passive aggressive post again (unyay!). TW for mentions of hospitalization and eviction. (https://archive.ph/r6FoW)

2. He's restricted his Instagram to people 25 and older. He isn't 25 yet by the way. He's probably just seeking privacy though so I don't really care.

3. He sent us (this blog) a big whole submission earlier. No, I am not posting it for the sake of others. It's mostly guilt tripping. He did explain some of the things that he's been doing, and why he's doing them, however: The reason why his Tumblr accounts and the like are still active largely due to queues, and having backlogged work he wants to put out before he leaves. He told us he wants privacy, which I think is funny when he tried to "expose" me as someone else a few days ago, DMed a random person about a form without their consent, and has generally not let people have their own opinions on this situation without blowing up at them.

Overall, I'm not shocked. Whenever Kris has gotten into drama before, it's turned into this. I'd always been a little worried for him in the past, discourse wise, considering it just doesn't seem like he can handle this sort of stress, even though he tended to be the one to start it. If he hadn't been such an ass to us, I'd feel worse. But, he kinda treated us like garbage, so I don't have it in me right now. Maybe when he apologizes in a way that isn't laced with guilt tripping.

He's also saying that he's "trying" to be civil "but" it's hard when we're "archiving him", when he hasn't been civil At All this entire time and that is why I'm so pissed, so this is just ironic. Goodness, it must be so hard to be civil to the people you've already been an asshole to? Furthermore, we're not archiving him except in the sense that people in this community deserve to know if he's a mod in a giant community of three thousand people where he has executive control of the narrative. That's a safety risk for others, not you, Kris.

Once again, I have a hard time taking him at his word when his actions are very clearly so different. Were I to know nothing about this situation, I'd feel a lot different about what he sent, but with the context, it's embittering. It's hard to listen to someone talk about having breakdowns while also knowing he's caused that for multiple other people, including his old friends.

It just makes me a tad bit angry that he wants us to worry over his mental health when he hasn't considered the health of others this entire time, even when directly making it worse by, well, being an ass. it's also odd he's acting like part of this is our fault, when the only reason this really began is because he was being a dick to other people, and probably would have gotten away with it scot free if people didn't bring it up. When he stops Being A Dick, there will be little reason to continue this discussion. I don't post about Kris for funzies.

I am going to keep my focus on the people who were hurt. Not how much the person who perpetrated it is having a hard time for doing so. As far as I'm concerned this is not about Kris, it's about keeping the rest of the community safe and informed. Maybe this will change when the people get a proper apology- no guilt tripping and making it about himself required- but that has yet to happen. And that is a bare minimum.

#mogai wiki #mogai #mogai community

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softsebnbuckystan · 3 years

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Soul ties - Part 6 (Bucky Barnes au)

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady"

Word count : 2061

Sleep didn't seem to come to you that night, and you didn't know whether the reason was the pizza you'd had for dinner, your husband's obvious neglect or your supposed soulmate sleeping in the same building. After tossing and turning in your bed for over three hours, you grabbed a pillow and a plaid, put on your slippers and went into the main kitchen. A herbal tea under the stars should be a good way to help you sleep, right? You tried to stay as silent as you could despite the boiling water in the kettle – you always refused to microwave water – and picked some chamomile infusion Wanda had chosen. With your cup in one hand, you opened the picture window. One thing you liked about the compound was the few balconies it had : they weren't too big, but they were large enough for you to sit on a pillow and look at the stars, your back against the wall. You were once again trying to spot constellations, the August sky being perfect for this kind of exercise.

"Can't sleep?"

You almost spilled your tea on your plaid.

"Sorry I scared you."

You smiled weakly at the man who'd just joined you. "It's fine. Wanna sit here with a fellow insomniac?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair before sitting on your left. His right arm brushed against your exposed skin and you tried to hide your shivers.

"What's keeping you up?" You ask. "I mean, you obviously don't have to tell me."

"Nothing much. Some nightmares."

"Are they ones about...about the war?" Your question startled him ; he shot you a confused look as you lowered yours. "Sorry. Steve told me a few times about his best friend Bucky and I... I made the connection."

"I thought Steve avoided talking about those things."

"What? The way he lost you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, that was tactless."

"Don't worry about that." He looked at the sky, leaning his head against the wall. "Wanna tell me what's keeping you up?"

"Well, it's quite ridiculous really," you eluded.

"Steve told me why you're spending time here. Is it him that keeps you up at night?"

You sipped on your tea for a few seconds. "I guess so. It's just that I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong, you know? I must be doing something wrong."

You heard him take a breath, his shoulders raising with his chest. His arm against yours felt strange, in a good kind of way. You'd never felt so close to anyone in such a short amount of time, and you wondered what made him so special aside from the meaningful tattoo you shared.

"I don't think you're to blame. Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry if I seem out of place, because we only met a week ago but..."

"You feel like I get you, right? Just like I feel that you get me."

He nodded calmly. "He doesn't seem to realise who he was lucky enough to marry."

"Lucky, huh?"

You looked at him with a smile and had it not been so dark, you could've sworn a red tint had reached his cheeks. "You're hella smart," he explained. "And from what I've seen, you're kind."

"And you think that after two days with me?"

He shrugged and allowed himself a quiet laugh. "You let Sam get the last piece of pizza earlier. I would have never done that."

"True. That is my most selfless act ever." Jumping on his joke felt natural and as it turned out, he had a communicative laugh.

"Why don't you laugh more often? I like it."

Bucky looked you in the eyes, paralysing you with his blue pupils again. It seemed as if he was searching for what to say.

"There aren't a lot of things that make me laugh. You do, though." This one didn't sound like a joke, and you placed your hand on his forearm, instantly sending a funny feeling down to your stomach.

"Consider me flattered," you said. "Can I ask you a question? Don't feel like you're forced to answer, though."

"Sure."

"I'm just curious, working in biochem and stuff... I'm basically the school nurse for theses guys," you explained. "So how does it feel, the metal arm? Do you...feel things the way you do with your right arm?"

He stopped for a moment. "I did not expect that question. That's a good surprise." He raised his left hand in front of him. "It's weird, actually. This one is really advanced. Shuri did an amazing job with it, but... sometimes I'll touch something and think I feel something. I know it's my brain playing tricks on me, but it's not that sentient. I feel pressure, tension...but not actual human sensations." He let his hand fall down on his knees.

"Do you miss it?"

"I got used to it. But yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Y/n, we met last week."

"I know! But like, it's not a 'do you trust me with your life' situation. Think of it as 'do you trust me with basic skills' kind of thing." You chuckled. "Now close your eyes."

Bucky gave in and you gently grabbed his metal hand. "What do you feel now?" you asked, stroking the back of his hand.

"I know there's something on my hand. And I know it's harmless. But...nothing more, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's part of you."

"And you don't mind that?"

"Why would I?" you shrugged. "It's you."

"Even if I were to do this?" He slowly raised his hand, approaching your face. You let him place his hand on your cheek. It didn't feel like flesh and bone, but it still felt right.

"Yes, even then." You held up his gaze, searching those blue eyes for any sign. Signs of what exactly, you didn't know yet. All you wanted was to stare into them forever, never leave this state of mind.

When Bucky's hand fell down your shoulder and kept running down your arm, a thousand shivers ran down your spine. You couldn't – shouldn't – feel this way. You were married now, and doing this... To prevent you from doing anything stupid, you looked away and leaned back against the wall. Getting away from him still was out of your league, though ; you settled for resting your head on his shoulder and spread your plaid over both your bodies. It might've been because nights were fresh, even in August, but it was mostly to make sure you were as close to him as you could be. Before falling asleep, the last thing you felt was Bucky's head letting itself fall on top of yours.

---

"Hey, you need to wake up."

The morning sun made you blink and you felt something on your thigh. Lowering your gaze, you noticed Bucky's hand. You tried not to freak out and looked up at whoever had spoken : Steve. Bucky shifted next to you, woken up by Steve's words as well.

"What's going on?" you asked. Steve might have been the best at hiding concern, he couldn't always hide it from you.

He sighed. "Darren's here."

"Shit." You got up more abruptly than you should've, causing you to lean on Steve's shoulder for a second. "Where is he?"

"Right here."

You turned around, seeing Darren standing in the doorframe. Well, that was unfortunate. You thought you should've been feeling some sort of guilt after being found in another man's arms – technically ; all you felt was anger. You were angry that he'd showed up after standing you up last night, you were angry about the neglect and his overall lack of care.

"What are you doing here?" you asked sharply.

"Bringing you home. Why didn't you come back?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he shot Bucky a furious look. "And why were you sleeping outside with this guy?"

Rubbing your forehead, you gestured towards Steve and Bucky. "Could you guys leave us a minute, please?"

Even though Steve nodded and walked back inside, Bucky seemed unsure about leaving you alone with your husband. You gave him a brief smile and he took the hint. As you closed the door behind him to have some privacy – the door was made of glass, but oh well –, Darren started pacing.

"Did you cheat on me last night?"

"What the hell?" You couldn't believe your ears. "You're kidding, right? You stood. Me. Up. You didn't even bother telling me in advance that you'd go at Brad's, and you didn't even come home. Didn't you think I was tired of being alone every night?"

"You're never alone."

"Damn it, Darren, you came home past dinner every day since we got married! We should be on our honeymoon right now, and yet you don't even bother kissing me goodnight."

"That's all this is about? I work a little too much and you go away to your so-called family?" He'd stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, proud of his innuendo. His insinuating Steve and the gang weren't your family made your blood boil.

"So-called? So-called, Darren? I love these people. They are my family and they've been more present for me today than you have in a week. What did you expect? That I would happily ask to be invited at Brad's, when I clearly am not welcome there?"

"You are welcome, what the hell are you talking about?"

"They don't like me, and you know that very well." You looked at the ground. You might've been angry, but never being able to fit in within Darren's social circle had always hurt you.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

No words came out of your mouth. How could you say anything to that? This was the ultimate insult. You had given so much to this relationship that you'd never even thought that 'not trying hard enough' could've been the reason they disliked you. First dinner with them, Brad's wife had made fun of what was left of your Sokovian accent, asking Darren if he wanted you to help you get a green card. Of course you'd called her out on her racism. She got upset, but was it your fault? No. During a night out, Brad had been too handsy with you and when telling Darren about it, he'd told you that you were reading too into it, that he was just being friendly. They weren't good people, and you'd always wondered why Darren bothered hanging out with them.

"That's it, go away." You let out an exasperated sigh, opening the door. "You're going to leave the compound to go home and calm down. Maybe I'll be back in a few days."

"I'm not going anywhere without you." That could've sounded romantic. In his mouth, it sounded more like a threat.

"Hell yeah, you are. Now go. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want you to be like this then."

"Right, your birthday. Don't count on me to celebrate it if you don't bother coming home."

You closed your eyes for a moment before gesturing him to leave. He ultimately walked through the glass door and you saw him make eye-contact with Wanda on his way out. You knew she was trying hard not to throw him against a wall or something. You ran your hand through your hair, taking in what had just occurred. You knew Darren would feel better the next day and that it would be like nothing ever happened. You just weren't sure anymore whether it was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, you can stay here longer," you heard Steve say.

"You're better off with us anyway," Wanda told you.

"You know he's-"

"Please, don't defend him," your sister pleaded. "He's not treating you right and you know it. He hasn't for years. Why are you-"

"Wanda, please. Not here."

You looked at Bucky out of the corner of your eye ; you didn't want to have that conversation in front of him, for some reason. Maybe deep down, you knew he'd side with Wanda. Having your sister call you out was hard enough ; you didn't need your soulmate to start doing it as well.

--- I just finished part 9 so I'm posting part 6 because I can't wait to have your opinion on this one!! Don't forget you can message me anytime to be added to the tag list :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #james bucky barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #catws #cacw #captain america #tfatws #self insert #x y/n

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rpcrimeboys · 2 years

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{static}“We’ve been out here in space now, for, four days, it's getting more exciting by the minute. The new technology has been such a help in getting to this mysterious asteroid, that the renowned scientist James Carter has named Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom and war. Me and the team are doing well and we are only about six days away from the asteroid now. We have reason to believe that there are signs of life on it.” I right clicked on my computer, I had been recording an update for scientific reasons, at least that's what I'd told myself it was.

Hey, It wasn't my fault that I’m sixteen years old and on a space mission. Ok, It is but, still. I Stood up and stretched, then closed my laptop. I signed up for this mission a few months ago, expecting not to get in, especially with my grades, but it turns out that I did. Mostly because there were really no other teenagers willing to risk their life “just” to see an asteroid and experience the wonders of space, maybe I’m biassed. My mom and brother were astronauts and my dad is an astronomer, so my whole family is into this kind of thing.

I start to walk towards the kitchen, I say kitchen, it's basically just a microwave, two ovens and LOTS of storage. I walk past the masc cadets room on my way and the three of them are sitting playing uno. I turn to the right and reach the kitchen. Kristie is heating up something in the microwave. She’s doing that dumb little dance thing she does while waiting.

“Hey"

“Greetings” she answers.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting food.”

Oh, forgot to explain, we can eat 3-4 meals a day no problem, and whenever we want. They aren't very strict with it because it’s a ship full of teenagers.I head toward the cupboard to her left and grab a cup of pot noodles and sit it next to me on the counter.

I turn to face Kristie, her shoulder-length brown hair is in a ponytail today, as per usual, so is my hair, It’s the most practical.

[TIMESKIP]

“We’ve arrived” I hear those two words ring through the ship. It had only taken ten days, and now, we could be the first humans to make contact with an alien species. “Kristie, Ethan, Max, Kyle, Maisie get ready”I heard a couple clunks as I got up from my bed and ran to get into my spacesuit.After getting ready all five of us stood by the exit talking to the pilots through the intercom about safety and all that junk. I feel like I could do a thousand cartwheels. I can’t wait.

They open the exit and the first thing I see is the vast darkness above us, the thousands, millions of stars above us, they are shining like fireflies in the sky. The ground is hard rock as to be expected, no visible signs of life yet. “1…. 2 … 3… jUMP!” we jump down off the ship that's slightly raised off the ground and all hit the ground at the same time. We set up the equipment cautiously, one of us always on the lookout. It's my job to take samples but I just want to explore. I stray away from the group looking to see if I can find anything interesting or unique about this asteroid.

One of my gizmos (I don't know what to call it sorry) Is acting strange, picking up signals. I start walking forwards and it gets stronger, so I continue walking around, Often in circles until I find a spot where it is strongest. It's rather like that level in Mario Odyssey.

I put down my case of supplies and grabbed a small shovel and clear plastic bag to put the sample in, and began digging around the area. About twenty minutes later I hit what seems to be a blue crystal, it sparkles and is semi transparent. I heard chatter through the intercom again, I hadn't realised it went silent. I chipped away part of the crystal without digging too much further.

“Maisie?MAIS-” I heard Kyle shout down the intercom, and the muffled concerned voices of the others.

I quickly shoved the sample of the sky coloured crystal into the bag and closed my supply case. I tried to answer but my mic had stopped working. I ran as fast as I could towards the ship but I soon realised I couldn't see them, there was no sign of life, Nobody but me and the stars. I ran to the left as far as I could, getting increasingly panicked. I ran for what felt like hours, eventually I saw the ship. I shouted with whatever strength I had left that I could muster. Kristie spotted me from the distance and ran towards me. She reached out for me and embraced me in a tight hug.

“Hey, are you ok?” She questioned, tears in her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“You were gone for a full day, where did you go?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Ok let's get you back into the ship”, She could hear my heavy breathing I guess.I handed my samples over to her and stumbled back up into the ship, I changed out of my gear pondering what had happened, It had only been minutes to me, but to them it was hours. I lay on my bed and slipped off into sleep.A while later, (Around 3am in earth time) I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to eat so I can head to the lab. Kristie's bed is empty so she’s already there I assume.

“Hey,” Ethan says leaning on the door frame.

“Hello, what’s up?”

“Nothing, you seemed really spooked yesterday, and you disappeared for hours, what was that about?”

“I was headed to get samples and found one of my gadgets picked up an odd signal, so I followed it and it lead me to a specific area that, underneath a layer of rock there was a interesting crystal-like stone, I gave it to Kristie”

“Ok, don’t do that again”

“I won't,” I promised.

He stood up properly and walked away in the direction of the boys room. I continued getting breakfast, nothing special, just some toast. I finished my food quickly and walked out towards the lab, excited to see Kristie, and see what tests that are left to do on the sample. As I walk into the room I see Kristie hunched over a microscope with no lights but the overhead ones on. I turn on the light and walk up to her.

I tap her on her shoulder, she jumps slightly but once she realises who it is she relaxes.“I thought you were an alien or something” She mumbled, pushing away a strand of her hair that was blocking her view.“Nah, It’s just me.”“That’s a pity, come here and look at this” She gestures toward the microscope and hops off her chair, heading to the other side of the room to read some papers that were stacked messily in a pile. I peered into the microscope basically mimicking the position she was in moments ago.

There was a small sample, I examined it, it resembles a piece of blue zircon quite closely, but something is off ab0ut it. There’s another factor here that I can’t figure out. Kristie places a small bundle of papers on the desk next to me. I pushed the lense away from me carefully and picked up the page from the top of the stack. I could hear her fiddling with things behind me, I've never really understood why she came here. Kristie is incredibly pretty, in a strong yet dainty way, her eyes are a deep brown, like the colour of chocolate, they look beautiful in the sunlight. There isn't much sunlight here. But anyway that’s not important. I read through the paper and see that she’s run a few tests already, such as spectral fingerprinting. It seems to give off a small amount of radiation, nothing lethal, or enough to be dangerous. She weighed it, it's about 20 grams, and seems to be around- “Attention, We are planning to explore this asteroid again; PLEASE BE READY IN THREE HOURS, AND DO NOT STRAY TOO FAR FROM THE SHIP WHILE ALONE.”

[TIMESKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY KRONOS]

Again the five of us, and one of the pilots, set off onto the asteroid. After doing the tests, both me and the rest of the crew are incredibly intrigued by this, especially since we didn't pick it up at all, even after landing.

The six of us split into groups of twos, me and Kristie, Ethan and Kyle, Max, and the pilot (Their name is Asher). We each had the gizmo that picked up the crystals frequency? Earlier and were searching for more. Me and Kristie started walking (as closely as possible) to the way I had gone yesterday. Kristie was walking right next to me, her beautiful warm brown hair was plaited today, it’s already quite short, but tying it up is more practical.We walked for what felt like hours, until we found a spot where the signal is stronger and went in circles until we found a consistent trail of the signal.

We walked together for another while, Kristie spoke to me about her life on earth, She’s from England, She has two younger brothers and really enjoys physics. Her favourite book is A good girls guide to murder. I really like that book too. We get along surprisingly well. I’ve always felt a stronger bond to Kristie than the others. My thoughts were cut off.

BEEEP BEEEEEEPPP BEEEEEOOOOOP

We had found the area I was at from earlier. You could see the spot I had taken the sample from. Only now it wasn’t blue, It was a deep orange colour, that’s very strange.“Is this it?” Kristie questioned.“Yeah.”Our mics were still working, it seems like that it was just a fluke earlier.

I held the device closer to the ore, It started shaking violently and the signal got stronger and stronger until it suddenly stopped. In confusion Kristie held hers closer and it repeated the same thing, almost exactly, the shaking, the signal, and the breaking. Why is this happening? The two of us set to work, hoping to take more of the crystal for testing and monitoring.

Kristie grabbed some bright yellow yarn from her case and started marking the area. She marked about 5ft by 5ft from the edges of the crystal I had revealed. I began clearing away the layer of debris that was over the rock. We worked in silence, until I spoke up.

“Kristie? I think I’ve found a weak spot, It looks like there’s some sort of cave there.” I point towards the area in front of me,

“That’s odd..”

“You think??"

“Yeah, I do. It seems pretty solid everywhere else… Do you.. Do you think that maybe there could be something there?” She asked.

"Maybe..”I leaned forward and began to dig deeper into the crystal and suddenly a chunk of it fell down.

Before I could realise what had happened I had fallen into a cave, it was surprisingly bright, you know, considering I was underground. The walls were covered in the deep orange ore, and it seemed to sparkle.I called Kristie’s name and waited for a reply.

“Maisie? Are you ok?” She shouted.

"Yeah! I think so anyway.”I stood up and brushed off my suit with my hands. My mic was cutting in and out, I could hear Kristie above me contacting the others. My body aches a bit, but that’s to be expected after falling into a cave. The cavern resembles a large geode, and is rather spectacular. As I’m taking in my surroundings, A rope drops beside me, And Kristie climbs in, with one of our kits tied to her waist.

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omegas-spaghettios · 3 years

Text

Ranking MCU Captain America figures

Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.

6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame

I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.

Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.

However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.

I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.

He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?

I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.

5. Captain America: John Walker

Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.

His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.

I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.

I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.

I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.

With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.

4. Red Guardian

I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it

He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.

But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.

I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.

3. Agent Carter

As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.

There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.

2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers

This man is a joy.

He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.

His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.

I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)

Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.

1. Captain America: Sam Wilson

He's so good, guys

I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.

Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.

Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.

Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.

Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 3 years

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#ask the writer

How can I write a couple with a healthy relationship?

I mean I don't want them to change themselves to make the other happy but I want them to work well

You know, it’s funny, this is a very serious question but I’m just laughing.

Because I feel like I am not the writer you’re looking for as I have never, in my life, written a story that is solely centered around two characters having a healthy relationship.

I like to think I write relationships well, that I write well period, but I have never written a story with the goal you outline in mind.

Still, I’ll do my best and see where this takes us. Though caveat that as I’ll be speaking very generally it may not apply to your situation.

First, a post I made earlier, how to write organic, believable, relationships period.

All of that still applies which... makes your goal a little harder.

What do I mean?

Stories Are About Change

At their heart, stories are always a journey. Something happens. It can be big, it can be small, maybe the characters learned something, maybe they pointedly learned nothing. Some things changed, some things didn’t, but as an audience we left feeling something. However, the point being, it is not a snapshot.

Which automatically puts us in deep water with your premise.

If I’m writing a story that’s focused on a relationship, and I want that relationship to be depicted in a certain manner and only that manner, and that’s all I want to touch on: I don’t have a story, I have an aesthetic. It’s a nice aesthetic, I like it, but it is just a snapshot in time.

If our characters are only ever in a healthy relationship, if they never enter or grow into this relationship, or leave this relationship, and we have nothing else going on... Then what’s this even about?

Nobody grows, nobody changes, it’s just... stagnant.

So, right away that presents a problem. If the relationship is the whole point then it must change throughout the story. That’s what people do, we change, we learn things about the world and about each other.

And that means... it might not always be at its healthiest.

Mitigation One: Don’t Focus on the Relationship

Alright, well, what if the story’s not about the relationship? What if there are just two characters who have a very healthy relationship inside the story and I have some other, larger, plot going on?

Well, you’re in a better place here. We have an excuse for things with the couple to move more slowly, we have other sources of conflict that the characters can focus on while still relying on one another but...

You’re still going to have issues because our characters are still growing as people.

As they confront things out there in the wide world their view of the world, of themselves, and of each other will change. There will be miscommunications, their beliefs may come into conflict, their desires may come into conflict, and they may grow to be people who cannot in fact maintain a healthy relationship (which, ending a relationship that’s bad for you can be a very healthy thing to do).

Now, maybe they work through these issues, which is a very healthy thing to do. However, they will likely still run into these issues and may have periods where tensions are running very high and the relationship seems like it will fail. In other words, in working through issues, you may have periods where you’re writing a relationship you do not wish to.

Relationships have highs and they have lows, you have to be willing to write such things even if said relationship is taking a backseat to the greater plot.

Mitigation Two: Move From an Unhealthy Relationship to a Healthy Relationship

To me some of the greatest stories that focus on a pair are those which focus on Character A realizing they’re in a horrible relationship and getting out, sometimes finding a better one.

Take, “The Revolutionary Girl Utena”. That is what this entire, beautiful, show is about. The characters begin in the most toxic, horrific, abusive relationships and yet we end on a very hopeful note where people recognize the relationships they were in, get out, and someday in the future might begin again with healthier partners.

You have everything a story needs in this. You have growth of characters, you have a lot of tension and conflict, you have a recognition of what love is, what healthy relationships truly are, and what bad relationships are.

However, this is a very dark path, as it involves writing the relationship you do not, in fact, wish to write at all. You end up where you want to, which might be sweeter for it, but maybe as a writer this isn’t what you want to focus on.

Mitigation Three: The Story is the Development of the Relationship

Perhaps the story closest to what you’re looking for is one that focuses on the relationship coming into being. In other words, the slow burn route. The characters are well suited to each other, they treat each other with dignity and respect, but for a variety of legitimate reasons they do not get together until the very end of your story.

The story, then, is how these people end up together (among other things).

However, this isn’t quite the Healthy Relationship I see bandied about on Ao3 either, because it’s slow burn. The characters still have to grow as people, undoubtedly have their own faults or barriers that get in the way of the relationship starting, and may have significant communication issues.

They end up where you want them to be, in a great communicative relationship, but there are reasons they don’t start there which violate the Healthy Relationship axiom.

Some Other Problems

Changing Your Characters to Make the Ship Work

In your ask you outline one of the major issues with the Healthy Relationship trope. Sometimes, if you have two characters in mind, they will simply never enter a healthy relationship. Ever.

Their backgrounds, personalities, goals, or something are completely incompatible. Trying to get them together is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It’s just not going to work and feel very hamfisted if you try.

And honestly, the best advice I have for that is to accept it. I’m sorry it sucks your ship isn’t going to work out the way you wanted, but if you’re working that hard, it means your brain is screaming at you “DON’T DO IT!!!” Your brain is usually right in these matters.

If you change too much of a character to make it work, then it’s not even the character you wanted to smash together with the other character.

Now, that said, while you should never enter a relationship expecting to change your partner into someone you like (nor should they have to change for you), I will say that people do change. More, if we’re talking things like “my partner is a mass murderer”, then yeah, we should change that to enter a healthy relationship (or, perhaps the safest option, don’t enter that relationship at all).

I once read a fic that, while mostly good, ended on the hilariously terrible morale of Character A realizing it was wrong to what to change her love interest Character B and that she should accept her for who she is. Great moral at a distance, a great lesson learned, but in the scope of the story fell to pieces. What did Character B do that Character A initially objected to? She murdered thousands of people. I’m still with Character A’s initial thoughts on that one.

What the Hell is a Healthy Relationship?

If you read fics focusing on healthy relationships a lot of the time they’re... really weird. The couple never seem to have any emotions, they’re always placid and calm (with a great BDSM sex life), never have any fights, never have any conflict between their interest, and just smile at each other and become complete Stepford Wives.

The author is so focused on the relationship being healthy, the pair never fighting and having fantastic safe yet realistic sex, that they forget what relationships are.

It’s okay if your characters fight, it’s okay if they sometimes forget how to communicate, the point is if they are able to work through these barriers or not.

Why Are You Asking Me?

Now, all that said, I am just one person on the internet. A lot of people love the healthy relationship trope, and frankly, if you give it to them they will love you forever.

People will routinely read and adore 100k stories where nothing happens, at all, except we see two characters just be in this stagnant healthy relationship with each other interrupted by your occasional lemon. Maybe during the story a second set of characters will enter an equally healthy relationship to fuel the plot.

And hey, if other people like it, who am I to complain? Go for it, have fun, have your healthy relationship and slice of life story. I personally may not read it, but you’re not writing it for me, are you?

#writing #writing meta #healthy relationships #relationships #meta

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tuancore · 4 years

Text

Lost You (Part 12) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Angst

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

The more you rotated your eyes around the place, the more you realised how every single thing in there held so many sweet memories. Had the circumstances been different you would've cried out of joy, for every showpiece, every photo frame, every furniture, every book had you and Jinyoung connected with the greatest love which all of your friends swore by, standing inside your apartment alone, your form was trembling burning with rage and grief at the same time, the whole place smelled like home, Jinyoung's Cologne mixed with yours and it began to suffocate you. You didn't want to have any sort of attachment with him.

You hated him for that.

When you first told your parents about dating Jinyoung, they grew quite awkward, which only meant hesitation. You took Jinyoung home, with you couple of times which eased some of their hesitation, your father seemed to grow fond of him, as they played billiards and chess together, it was as if Jinyoung's love in its raw form was visible in everything he did, but your mother never really approved of your relationship with him.

"Why don't you like Jinyoung already? Just look at dad, he's so happy whenever Jinyoung's home" You remarked hugging your mother's shoulders as Jinyoung and your father played chess. Staring at them intently, your mother finally spoke up "I can see how much you both love eachother, but I don't know why I have this uneasy feeling, I don't feel like giving you to him". Shaking your head you pecked your mother's cheeks, saying "Mom stop worrying, you're overthinking. I assure you that he'll love me forever and keep me happy maybe even more than you guys", your little teasing earned you a light head smack from her, "Hopefully honey".

Grabbing your hair harshly you sobbed harder with each passing second, only if you listened to your mother, you wouldn't be standing here like a bloody mess. Your heart was already ripped apart and now your soul was also starting to give up. Striding towards the windows, you tugged onto the curtains harshly as they landed on the floor with a thud, along with the curtain rod, then striding towards the television you pushed it from the tabletop another harsh sound joining the air.

You hated him for that.

"Why! Why! Why! Just why Jinyoung why?! You promised that you'll love me more than yourself! You promised to always put me first!" You punched the wall beside, with every word, ranting to particularly no one, as your knuckles bled painting the beige wall red, "You promised me......then why?".

Despite your bleeding hand, you started taking out every single photo frame from that wall, throwing it somewhere across the room. The place echoed with the noise of breaking and shattering of glasses as frames and showpieces landed harshly on the floor. Rage was all that filled your mind at the moment. Throwing and breaking things wouldn't turn back things to the way they were, but you wanted to destroy every single thing that reminded of your love for him, you wanted your tears to stop flowing for him when he wasn't even worthy to be cried over.

You hated him for that.

Trashing the entire living room, you locked yourself in the bedroom. Reminiscing all over again, staring at the bed where you both spent countless nights loving eachother under the sheets with both of your bodies and souls as one, the times when you both had pillow fights just to win a stupid argument. Yes, you both argued most of the time over nonsensical and useless things but never seriously. Never.

Not to forget those reading sessions, whenever it came to reading books it was a constant for you to occupy the centre of bed either laying on your stomach or on your back, with your spectacles on while Jinyoung liked reading sitting on his beanbag with a vanilla latte or a cup of coffee in his hand, a black squared frame sitting on his nose bridge firmly making him look more handsome. It used to go well for few hours but after you both have satisfied your reading pleasure, you both used to exchange glances at eachother throught the pages of the book to make sure the other one is also done reading and when one puts off their spectacles then it's over.

You hated him for that.

Coming to the kitchen, it was another sweet little thing that you both enjoyed dearly. It was a rule that Jinyoung set up that the one who comes home early will cook the meals, since the one coming late might be exhausted as hell, and whenever you both were late, you guys ordered for a take out. However, mostly it was you both cooking together, no matter who was cooking and who was volunteering, you both couldn't help but keep on brushing past eachother making sure to have some physical contacts.

"I don't know how to bake a cake" You whined, reluctantly putting on the apron. Jinyoung chuckled tying your apron behind your back guiding you to mix the batter, but when you started to mix it, he stood behind you so close that you were able to feel his hot breath fanning your neck, "Angel..slow down.." he whispered darkly, placing his lips on your neck, "Jinyoung...." Suppressing a moan, you pushed him off, "Go prepare other things".

After setting the batter into the mould, you both waited patiently but you being you grabbed a handful of white flour throwing it on Jinyoung, laughing your stomach out you remarked "Your hair is finally dyed to...white...let me click a pic and send it to others". Jinyoung gave you a jokeful glare, grabbing some flour too, he chased you around the house, hugging you closely to him putting flour in your head, "Now yours white too, let's send them our pic with #couplegoals".

Thinking of every moment you both shared there was way too many, that you can never forget even if you gave it your all.

You hated him for that.

Your gaze shifted towards the balcony, it was where you both discussed about your days over a cup of coffee or hot chocolate after an exhausting time at works, how his father always stuffed him with contracts and clients, how your boss nagged you for not being fast enough to complete your work. The times when you stressed over things and he back hugged you peppering your necks and shoulders with kisses which always began innocently but ended up in bed.

There was something about his touch, his words which always lured you to him. The way he gently placed you on bed, before stripping you to nakedness before his eyes, which never spoke hunger for your body but always love and affection, the way he always asked for your consent before making love to you even if he had done it thousands of time before, he was always respectful. During sex, he always cared about your comfort first, he always put you first focusing on your release before his, he liked doing it slow and passionately to show how much he was in love with you and not to forget the "I love you's" You both let out moaning at the feeling as your bodies became one. Over the time, you got so accustomed to his touch and presence that he could have you writhing under without putting any efforts from his side.

You hated him for all the times he sweetly whispered those "I love you's" in your ears.

You hated him for everything.

__________

Jinyoung gasped at the news of your miscarriage, he wanted to cry his out but then again it's what he has been doing for the past few hours. Even his tears can't bring back the child, the evidence of your love for eachother, it was too late now, way too late. BamBam nodded at Jinyoung finally letting hot tears spill from his eyes for the first time after he entered into Jinyoung's cabin.

Nobody dared to speak a single word, how could they when none of them had any particular words left to say. But there was one common sentence running through all six of theirs heads was 'Everything is over'. Heart was not only bleeding but souls and minds were ripping apart as well, they all felt like losing some battle at the last after fighting it with a silver armour.

Even one could see BamBam falling apart, the one who fought for you and Jinyoung with the world just to give you both the same love back. No one saw him crying before, until now. Somehow he blamed the misfortune of you losing the baby on himself.

"Only....If....I didn't let Noona talk to Jisoo and neither had she run away like that.....and...." BamBam's voice getting inaudible, his throat tying. Yugyeom hugged BamBam stroking his back, trying to soothe some of his pain although he knew it was useless, "BamBam.....don't blame yourself, please don't.....you only meant good for noona from the start.....so please....." Yugyeom whispered closing his own eyes shut to prevent his tears from falling.

"It's all my fault......" Jinyoung whispered covering his entire face, "No one is responsible for any of this..... except for me...". Though it was true that Jinyoung was the sole reason behind all these mishappens, he was already drowning in remorse and others didn't want to scold him any further, what would they even gain by scolding him or lecturing him or making him feel the worst person in this entire planet, Will you get your same love back? No. Will you get your child back? No.

"I want to see her...." Was all he managed to cough out, somehow keeping his tears at bay. It was understandable, you both will always be deep rooted in eachother's heart. Whenever Jinyoung did something to hurt you it also hurt him but he loves you and that can never be altered. He was a fool to not to clarify things with you but he always felt sick without you around. He even started to hallucinate you everywhere, in his cabin, in his car, even when he slept he imagined you hugging him, he loves you, but it's his insecure nature which made him lose your love and the child.

"I don't think it's a good time to meet—" JB started with hesitation but BamBam cut in, removing Yugyeom's arms from his body, "I'll take you there".

"But BamBam!" Mark reasoned, BamBam shook his head in denial not wanting to hear any of there theories, "It's best if they both just talk everything out, right now", BamBam completed, putting his phone inside his pants pocket, he grabbed Jinyoung's arm firmly pulling him outside, with others following behind.

"BamBam things will get pretty ugly, Do you think they can just chit chat about what happened?" Jackson belted, as if BamBam was high on thin air. "I know what I'm doing and please.....I don't have any strength left in me to prolong things....".

"Hyungs, Yugyeom....Go home, get some rest, it's better if they talk alone without anyone around" BamBam blurted with a knowing look, hoping for everyone to understand as they nodded.

"BamBam—" Jinyoung called, which BamBam decided to ignore, "Hyung... if I'm helping you that doesn't mean I've forgiven you......nor will I anytime soon", he sternly announced, stepping on the gas pedal.

Jinyoung immediately shut his mouth, staring outside of the window, the sky has already darkened as street lights shone brightly, his mind drifted off to you, how much you loved the night views.

Jinyoung laid lazily on the couch with,'To Kill A Mockingbird',one of his favourite books in his hands reading it with great concentration,on the other hand you were getting crazy as he is reading that book for three hours straight, sitting on the centre table you tapped your feet impatiently.

"Jinyoung...Enough of reading~~" You whined, pouting like a kid but yet he ignored it by reading the lines out aloud. Letting out a groan, you snatched his book running around the house, it was finally his turn to groan,"Give me my book".

"No...you'll get your book when we'll get some ice cream together!",Sighing he agreed.

He was about to take his car when you pleaded him to go on a bike,you hugged his waist tightly sitting behind him, resting your head on his broad back inhaling the evening air. Jinyoung smiled widely, everything you did made him realise how much in love he was with you. The whole ride you kept on hugging him, staring at the lights hung on trees and railings, so beautiful.

After getting the ice cream, you both played in the snow which was gathered in the amusement park, "Nyoung...I just love night time, so cold yet the environment is so warm it gives off so much happiness!" Squealing you threw a snowball at him. "Yeps..with you I feel that happiness" he smiled, dusting off snow from him, placing his lips on your plump ones, he whispered, "I love you".

"I love you more".

Retrieving to the reality, Jinyoung asked hesitantly, "Do you think she'll forgive me?", "To be honest, I have no idea, it's upto her now, you can only hope for the best...." BamBam replied, pulling the car in the parking lot.

When Jinyoung noticed that it was both of yours shared apartment his eyes widened, he stared at BamBam as to why he has brought him here. "I told you I'll take you to Noona..." He muttered getting out of the car.

"She's here...?" Jinyoung tried to reconfirm, "Are you sure?..". Taking the elevator to the desired floor, Jinyoung's body began to tremble real bad, his face got pale as soon as the elevator came to a halt.

"Lisa herself dropped Noona here" BamBam informed, pushing Jinyoung towards the main door, "I won't go inside..... All the best", chills ran through his body, beads of cold sweats forming on his forehead, he tried to open the door but it was locked from inside luckily he had his key with him. Shooting a final glance at BamBam he pushed open the door.

His body freezing at the mere sight of the house, everything completely destroyed. The wall where he hung both of yours pictures all trashed, glass splattered everywhere on the floor, his eyes after scanning each and every part stopped at the red stains on the picture wall, hesitantly walking towards it, he saw fresh blood with your hand marks. Tears rolled down his eyes, not only did he break you but also shattered you completely to debris.

However finding the door to both of your bedroom's locked, he hurried trying to push it open, but stopped since it was locked. Pressing his ears to the door he tensed at your loud sobs and whimpers, hearing your voice your pain and disappointment was visible. And it ripped Jinyoung's heart.

"I HATE YOU PARK JINYOUNG!!!!" You yelled in a high pitch, which made Jinyoung cry listening to so much hate for him.

"I'M SORRY ANGEL!!" He let out a loud whimper making sure you hear him, "I AM SO SO SO SORRY".

Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13

______________________________________

#got7 imagines #got7 jinyoung #got7 x reader #jinyoung imagines #got7 angst #got7 bambam #got7 jackson #got7 jaebeom #got7 mark #got7 youngjae #got7 yugyeom #jinyoung angst #jinyoung au

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angelcorebabyowo · 4 years

Text

Title: Honeydew

Warnings: Brief mention of suicidal thoughts

Summary: Lydia, Johann and edward get ready for a party and it's all OOC because yeah

"I don't even want to go!" Johann complains adjusting his poet's shirt and flopping down into the window bench with a huff as Lydia just as quickly starts to brush through his unkempt hair, he even closed his eyes whenever the strokes got gentler. He typically didn't go to parties unless he was performing and he, sadly, wasn't invited to do that this time. Honestly, the only reason he agreed to go was that it was considered rude to ignore an invitation from the mayor so he felt as if there wasn't really even a choice. Maybe he should just fake sick to get out of it, that wouldn't be all that bad, just a simple little head cold.

He sighs softly and leans back into his sister so that he wasn't jerked around as much, he was a bit tender-headed so it made it easier on both of them now that he wasn't wincing every three seconds. "It'll be perfectly fine babes, don't stress so much. You'll get gray hairs if you do it too much." Lydia warned with a small grin, her unnaturally sharp canine teeth looking unnatural amongst the normal ones. A few years ago she dragged everyone into sharping them but she continues to do it every time they run down even slightly. It would be weird if she didn't make it look so damn good " Although I bet you'd love that, huh?"

"Oh, you better believe it" Johann joked sticking just the tip of his tongue out of his mouth by habit. That wasn't a lie, he always fantasized about the thought of having grayish-silver hair at a young age and everyone in the family knew it and would make fun of him at every chance they could. He knew it wouldn't be a good look or actually enjoy it but it still made him laugh every time so he didn't really think that far ahead on the subject. His dad had gone completely grey by the time he was 30 and Edward, his brother, was starting to already so signs of it at the ripe age of 16 so it was possible that he could develop early on as well. "Could you imagine me being completely grey by my 20th birthday? You'd have to start calling me sir in a sign of respect!"

"You get no respect, none" Lydia laughs and stops brushing Johann's hair for a quick second before starting to do the very loose twist with her fingers. It was one of the easiest hairstyles she knew that could be done in half an hour or less. "Put it in a bun or just leave it down? Either way, it's getting twisted because I've already started."

"Maybe in a bun? " He mumbles leaning more onto the window and looking out at the city the setting sun was hitting just perfect to cast a somewhat orange and pink glow on the tops of certain buildings. He assumed his apartment complex was one of them do to the height alone. He sometimes wanted to just sit on the ledge and watch the sunset that way, one false mood and he would plummet ten stories down before landing in the pool below. He wondered if he'd still be alive by that point.

"A buns always a safe option." She whispers interrupting his thoughts and gently putting his hair in a bun before taking a step back to look at her handiwork "Its a little high but I think you should be good. That way it's nearly a safe bet, not one person would recognize you."

"Do you think Avi would still recognize me though?" Johann questions as he looks into the vanity mirror and puts on a fix inspired mask. He forgot why he picked a fox, maybe do to their cunning abilities or something along those lines. He'd picked it out when he first got the invitation weeks ago so all memories seemed to just fade from him.

"Avi would recognize you even if you didn't have a face or hair, now stop being a love-stuck puppy and both of you finish getting ready. " Edward interrupts walking into the room. How no one heard him walking down the hall with the obnoxiously loud heels was beyond everyone. He was also wearing his mask already. A cream scaled one with a few black scales mixed into it as it added ' Flavor '

'Snake' was the first thing that came to Johann's mind whenever he first saw it all those weeks ago, and even today his mind couldn't stop from going to that place no matter how many times Edward insisted it was a dragon inspired one. Johann still wondered what kind of snake it would even be, maybe just a simple corn snake. Edward wasn't that mean, after all, he wouldn't pick something venomous after all.

"I am ready." Johann insists pointing to his outfit, the only thing he had to do was change into some dress pants and he'd be off to go.

"I was talking about both of you. More specifically Miss. "I'll do it later" over there," Edward says, he had a point after all. Lydia wasn't even remotely ready to go at that point. Her hair was pulled into an over-the-top and eye-drawing hairstyle and her nails were done to perfection, but other than that her clothes were just basic pajamas "go get dressed before we leave you at home."

Lydia smirks before patting Edward on the cheek in a taunting manner. "Talking mad shit for someone who got his license suspended."

"Johann can! Right, you can still drive?" Edward questions flopping down onto Johann's bed with a loud sigh as the bed creaks under the new weight. He winced at the sound but overall didn't say anything about it.

"I'm 15 years old and haven't even taken the exam yet"

"Didn't ask how old or if it was legal just asked if you knew how."

"I refuse to let either one of you drive my car," Lydia says before walking out of the room to actually go get ready knowing that the other two would actually leave her behind.

"Our car!" Edward calls before leaning over and closing the door fully and sighs loudly again before laying up against the headboard already messing up his golden capelet and neon blue shirt. He really couldn't stand not being the center of attention for a single second, he always dressed like that so it wasn't that far of a bet after all. "We have ten minutes before it starts but you know the saying-"

"Arriving fashionably late is better than arriving on time, shows how little you care." Both of them say at the same time although while Edward sounds cheerful Johann just sounds even more tired then he always does as if he was trying to drag it out for as much as he possibly could. Johann sat at the vanity trying to figure out how he was going to cover up the bags under his eyes that, even with the mask, were extremely prominent. he eventually just settled on leaving them there as it seemed to add character to the entire look. (He was going for a renaissance era poet who just lost his husband due to some mysterious illness. He seemed to actually be hitting all of the points except for the crying but no way was he going to cry in front of people.)

They sat in silence now, it wasn't awkward, in fact, it was more comfortable than anything. Edward was doing something on his phone and Johann was trying not to have a panic attack because he was actually going through with this while struggling to fit pants that were a little too tight on. Alright, so maybe it wasn't all that comfortable but it was close enough to it.

After about 20 minutes Lydia rushed in with a smile wearing bother her outfit and mask on. It was a multi-colored short yet puffy dress that fell off the shoulders and a mask that looked suspiciously like a peacock with the number of feathers that seemed to be hastily glued on. "All they had at the store was the plain ones so I had to glue the feathers and sequins on myself so now it looks as if a 3-year-old designed it!" she complained before going over to Edward and promptly laying down on top of him with an over the top sigh. "Woe is me."

"Well whose fault is that L? We offered you to come with us weeks ago but Noooo, you needed to wait till the last second like some sort of troublemaker," Edward says pushing her off and then promptly standing up and rubbing his eyes slightly and throws the keys he had been hiding in his pockets to Lydia with a pout.

"Off we go come along little children!" Lydia says before walking out the door again, the sound of her boots echoing through the mostly empty hall. The only thing in them was a few paintings of fruit painted in over the top and crazy colors and a single statue at the end of the hall that they won at an auction a few years ago for like a thousand dollars,

It wasn't worth it.

"We're the same age!" Johann argues running after her trying to put on some of his slip-on shoes as he walked. It didn't fit the look but no way was he also going to wear heels, that was pushing it too far for him at best.

"Stairs or Elevator?" Edward askes whenever all three make it out of their apartment building and into the main hallway "I'm taking the stair because no way am I getting Vored by an elevator"

"Stop being so mean to me!"Edward whines but gets in the elevator anyway with a pout and it started to go down, Lydia was babbling about how much fun tonight would be and her brothers both groaned in unison.

"That's baby talk. Grown-men take getting eaten like a champ." Lydia says with a small laugh before hitting the button to take them to the main lobby "Johann baby, what are you taking?"

"I'm already in pain so I'll just take the elevator, fuck walking down 10 flights of stairs. "Johann says pushing his way into the elevator and gently holds on to the railing. "Ed gets in here, I refuse to sit next to you if you walk down down disgusting!"

If this was going to happen all night then what a fun one it would be.

#yes their step siblings in this #thoight it would be fun #taz edward and lydia #taz johann #fanfic #originally on ao3 #taz balance #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance

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mastrrt · 6 years

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The Tigress Dilemma *fanfiction*

Usually, fanfic writers (such as I) have a hard time depicting complex characters such as Tigress, ergo this lack of this understanding about our characters can lead us to defile their original personalities and characteristics. I'm pretty sure most, if not, all of us are victims to the Tigress Dilemma, and this problem can only be resolved once Dreamworks has finished Tigress's arc. The Tigress Dilemma is basically what I mentioned above. We misinterpret Tigress and that could lead us to writing imposters instead. Now I have seen many fanfics, and all of them vary in the extent of how terrible their Tigress imposter is. I would say that for my fanfics, my Tigress imposter is pretty far off from the original character, but I feel I am getting there... it's a very slow progress, but every increment of time is making me better as a writer. Anywho, I'll be addressing some Tigress Imposter stereotypes. These stereotypes are the ones we want to avoid as much as possible. And if we do so, we can get closer to the original Tigress. Now, disclaimer, I am not here to tarnish the pride of any of you fanfic writers. I'm just here to point out my opinions and hopefully my opinions can do more good than harm. Also, to bring this blog a more positive vibe, I will be writing some Tigress stereotypes that we should all follow. But that'll be on the next post. 1. The 'Punk Girl School Bully' Type of Tigress. (LoA Tigress) Sleeves are for wimps... fat muscles... I got huge front teeth... i'll put your head on the toilet... pig anatomy on the facial region... you punk!... ILLL BEAT YOUUU UP!... girl that looks like a man... Those lines are all inside the ambit of any typical Buff School Girl Bully. And yeah, these types of people aren't the most likeable. Mainly because of their terrible ego and pride, their unmanaged temper, their constant screaming, and the fact that they bully. And these types of characters usually act upon their anger, and these types of characters are usually defeated by their own caprices. Now a lot of times, people usually confuse 'Punk Girl School Bully' as Tigress's characteristics.

For example, a lot of fanfictions tend to write this: Tigress was clouded with anger. How dare this cocky prick make fun of her name like that? She charged at him, trying to land a double fist strike on her belly, but it has seemed that her muscles were so angry that she suddenly turned into an amateur fighter and totally missed the cocky mite's stomache. Now she was even angrier. She gave a frustrated yell and pounced at the prick, driving her feet into a powerful tornado kick, but the man has sidestepped and she was too angry to use that momentum to execute another kick upon landing. Oh she was so so SO angry that everything turned red. Even though the man was merely a stranger, his smart remarks was enough to somehow make Tigress want to tamper him, as if her anger was derived from personal matter. Oh yes, Tigress was so weak that her peace has succumbed so easily to something as superficial as an empty insult. It isn't like she's a warrior who learned integrity, who lived by virtues and proverbs, and learned to swallow her pride the hard way. Nope. She was just the average hot head. "You! You idiot!" She yelled, driving her fist into arbitrary turns and twist with the speed of a toddler's fist in a fit of frenzy. And yet, after delivering such 'efficient' attacks, the man had avoided her punches the Muhammad Ali way. What's next? The rope-a-dope? Is that how weak Tigress became because of her anger? Oh, and since she's sooo angry, she also became majorly stupid! Since she's losing, she might as well become more desperate to win and because of this, she kinda lost 9/10 of her damn brain. It isn't like she had experienced worst before. It isn't like she's been in a tower surrounded by hundreds of adversaries, outmatched, outgunned, out everything, and still managed to escape through a genius idea to catapult her and her Enterprise out the flaming tower THROUGH the toppling flaming tower.

Look, Tigress can be hot head, but she doesn't allow it to manifest in a way that hampers her during battle. She's a warrior who for sure learned patience. Yes, she might have let herself succumb to her anger during the first movie (by trying to fight Tai Lung despite her master's efforts to stop her) but do understand that it was because of that cursed snow leopard that her father was just outright terrible to her, and 20 years of desperation and overwhelming commitment to kung fu led her to think that defeating Tai Lung is the key to Shifu's heart. Watch the Second movie through and through, with the eyes of a scrutenizing critic. If she is angry, it is usually to appear intimidating or lethal. It's a great strategy, escpecially now that her opponents would surely hold back once they hear the low baritone of her growl. But never, never, never, never, I assure you, did she appear angry and let that rage make her a haphazard, stupid, mess.

Also, fanfic writers tend to also write this: Tigress crossed her arms and growled. Po was so annoying! He wouldn't stop babbling about his new dumpling recipe. If he says 'broccoli broth' one more time, she is sure her dormant side would burst. "SHUT UP PO! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE SO CHILDISH! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR!" And then, Po cried and ran away from the kitchen. The rest of the five gave her a look that could compare to the menacing glare of a thousand men, and they all left her to find the weeping Po. She sneered, she didn't need them anyways. She didn't have a family. And they were no friends of hers.

Tigress is not like this! She values her friends, and she talks to them like friends. Do no potray her the LoA way, because she's not always grumpy... and she is, by chance, grumpy, it's mostly for a reason. When the other five are irritated or even disgusted of Po, you can see that only Tigress smiles. And when she is in an argument, she usually deliver herself in a calm and threatening. Yeah, calm and threatening can be together. Tigress works as a paradox. I think the problem here is that people mistake seriousness and grumpiness as neigh synonyms. DON'T mistake those two different words with the same definition. Tigress is serious, but rarely grumpy in the way LoA/ fancfictions potrays her (just compare KFP 2 Tigress to LoA Tigress (there's a big difference I tell you that (mostly because she doesn't haphazardly turn into a big bish (is this even grammatically correct?))))

2. The Morally Deficient Tigress. I hate you!... you've always been terrible to me Shifu. So I hate you too!... you guys are not my family!... i have no family!... brat times twenty... your spoon is stupid... everyone is stupid... I don't wanna do this anymore... i'll turn evil in six seconds if you don't assuage my ego... cold hearted... insults everywhere... long sullen silences followed by mean comments followed by even more long sullen silences... angst angst angst for no reason... teenage i-have-20-pounds-of-eyeliner-under-my-eyes prototype. this type of imposter Tigress is probably one of the worst forms of Tigress out there. You cannot just ignore that she has been raised by two kung fu masters, one has morals that are so polished and perfect, and the other one with flaws but regardless still wiser than most. She's also follows a regimented schedule of supreme discipline throughout the course of her twenty-eight years, so surely she has been taught hardwork, patience, determination and other virtues that any average olympian athletes would typically have. Despite being called cold-hearted, stoic, perhaps even mean, do remember that she is also a HERO. With a hero's heart and the strength of a hero's mind. You can not simply ignore that she's a good person who had saved, quite possibly, thousands of lives, expecting nothing in return except the heart of her father and a place to reside. Do not mistake badassery with idiocy. Do not make her morally deficient like she's a little child with the mindset of a brat on a bad day.

Here's some examples of this nightmare: "Why do you keep these stuff? You're so childish, you don't deserve to be the Dragon Warrior!" Tigress looked around his loft, threatened by the action figures and the posters of the masters that adorned it.

Po frowned, "But... but... items like these have very big value to me Tigress. Especially my action figures, I cherish them because it's a large fragment of my childhood memories!"

Tigress did not understand. Of course she did not, not only is she whimsy, grumpy, angry and stupid, she also lacks understanding and lessons that can usually be self-taught at the age of twenty. She acts like a little child and that's all her morality is limited to. "No! They're wooden things with no value whatsoever. Stop being a fanboy. Stop being yourself! I can't support you! You idiot."

And she left the room with grandeur ---Sharpei Style with the hint of swagger. Five days later... "It's all your fault why we're here Po! All your fault. It isn't like you made a wonderful plan and I kinda destroyed it after this cocky douche made me angry and I decided to fight him and ditch your plan. And since my dignity got the best of me, it isn't like I'm blaming you 100% on our unfortunate demise when I know 200% that i'm to blame." Po tried to speak, but Tigress continued, "Ya'll should have listened to me! Me me me me! Me me me me!" The end!

Okay okay, it's a little too exaggerated, but you get the point right? Tigress doesn't act like this. She is kind and nice, she's truly supportive even with her doubts, and she loves and values her friends, albeit these traits are not exposed because it's overshadowed by her stoic demeanor. Whatever... sometimes light filters through her facade and you can see her vulnerabilities.

3. The Profesional Becomes the Biggest Amateur. Gets defeated by a few alligators who could barely fight... can't get unstuck from a rope THAT ISNT EVEN KNOTTED NOR THICK ENOUGH TO CARRY TWO POUNDS... can't get out a sticky situation even though she has been through worse... pathetic tiger... no longer has super strength that she has been gifted with. Now I'm just a thread's breadth away before typing a full fledge rant. Yes! I get it. She has been defeated by people who Po can defeat. She has been defeated by Tai lung and Po was able to defeat Tai Lung. But that was because Po was in a special situation, and it was truly only Po who could defeat Tai Lung (I'll adress this in a new post.) Have ya'll ever of this rule, in both film making and book writing, that authors must refrain from degrading everyone's intelligence so that a single character can appear in the caliber of a genius? Basically, what I'm saying is that you cannot make the five (escape Tigress) leagues weaker than their original selves just for the sake of making Po or your main OCs appear stronger. One, that's a terrible illusion that even a blind man can see through. And two, that's just disrespectful for a The Five. Not only are the five overshadowed, but ya'll also heavily disregarded the fact that they are warriors that did a lot. You're forgetting that Tigress can do this

Do not forget that she is the person who can do so much more. If you want a story where Tigress becomes a damsel in distress, and Po is the one to save her, DO NOT get her kidnapped by five wolves. Or ten. Or even twenty. Because this tiger can handle of them easy. Make sure she is defeated by a whole fudging army, or a bunch of hooded warriors who are thousands of years old and are as good as Shifu in kung fu. Make sure her defeat is reasonable and respects what she can do. KNOW what she can do, so that you learn her limits. Give her a challenge, give her a run for her money. Don't make her pathetic just because you want someone else to seem not pathetic. Us fan fic writers say that Tigress is hardcore. Awesome. Badarse. So maybe we should write her that way. Some fan fics I read write that Tigress got defeated because she was hungry or tired and couldn't fight against a few adversaries. I roll me eyes. Bro! You cannot make hunger the reason why she's defeated😂 have you seen what she ate during the first KFP movie? Her meals consists of tea and a small, chewy block of tofu. Please. She had trained her body and mind to resist pain in a way that wouldn't affect her during battle. And don't go destroying her stamina either. If she can go the whole night just battling a bunch of wolves, without even so much as passing out then pulease, don't make tiredness as an excuse. But there are some exceptions though. Like maybe she got tired because she drained her chi. Then that's understandable. So much work.

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olivedoesmagic · 2 years

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Journal 411: Side Chara(cter) ||| Empathy Studios

Themes: pop culture magick, alternate realities, reality shifting, multiverse theory, time Morgan, suicidal ideation

I had a really rather important magickal dream. I can’t talk about it or write it down. But I won. I passed the test. So that was fucking cool I guess….

Let's get one thing clear. I am not deleting my blog. You can rip it. From my. Cold. Dead. Hands. I have a spell so no matter what happens to me it persists. I was hanging out with Morgan. When Harry Potter got involved. We discussed how the gods wish to turn black the clock for the two of us, incasing us in teenager skin, and that we had to learn magick somewhere. Does Harry Potter exist here?

No absolutely not. But every story, every idea, exists somewhere and if your like Morgan and I you know how to get there. I do forsee Morgan and I slithering extraordinaire (my divination tells me that I will be housed in Slytherin because I ask the sorting to put me with morgan) a tale.

Every story is its own universe somewhere else. Every dream someday, somewhere is real. Traveling between these places is incredible and they are often given to what I call "scribes". Now I know what you're thinking? You really think you can go to Harry Potter you dumb trans dipshit. Allow me to explain.

When a scribe is handed a reality, a story, they begin to tell it through their own lense. Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Jake Caloway in whatever the fuck he's in. It exists elsewhere. But it becomes tangible and real or it was already and the scribe is tapping into that. That is a secret of the universe. That in truth is what realities are and stories are. The are many different reasons for it. But that is one reason that fictional realities can be real in alternate relaities.

So knowing this. If your bright. If you're clever. You can travel to it. You just need the coordinates. I don't think learning a form of fantasy magick is pointless. I don't. I think it serves a purpose. It can be applied here. And the multiverse needs me to help it. So I guess that's one place that needs my bargain. The HP universe.

I will be documenting here and elsewhere all my visual and virtual reality shifts. All I know is that I physically go there. And that I take Morgan with me.

Going there, if you play your cards right, causes stories to be told about you there. So we'll see. This rather karmically ironic, because J.K Rowling is a rather huge terf and Morgan and I are both trans, but McGonagall through pop culture magick bleeding ink whichever you prefer assured on it. So. I'm traveling the multiverse.

Yay /s.

Also sorry for the odd last post. I'm currently opening a teespring store. And the first ever item will dpeiciton of me. (This post is ripped from my acrians locket blog go read that for context)

I just can't seem to die. It won't work. The fates were there and so was Apollo and while the gods at my alter weeded, The fate I usually work with, assured I do not die there. Even though using what I had learned from her I desperately tried to weave my fate accordingly. It sodunt cut. Though I tried it. And my fate wouldn't let me die.

I don't think I value my own life. I've seen myself living thousands of years from now as potential realities. So I don't true know. All I know is that my time travel and dream bubbles are alot, and I just can't seem to get rid of me.

We made progress. Lastly I do to Eric Koettings spell cut off the entirty of the Goetia. I enshrined the hexagram of solomon on my walls. This is Azaezels fault. But I mostly blame Eric Koetting and his curses. But don't worry. You don't have to worry. I am very good at my job.

- Olive Brimstone

1:47 AM Friday, April 29th 2022

#harry potter #reality shifting #multiverse #miltiverse theory #mythology #suicide tw #death cw #suicide cw #depression

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canadian-riddler · 6 years

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What are your thoughts about some writers guilt tripping readers into giving them feedback? That if they don't get enough feedback, they lose all motivation for writing and leave the writing community. And it'll be the readers fault. Is it even right to put this pressure on the readers? That it's their responsibility now to keep a stranger's hobby afloat? Some writers don't understand the pressure this entails to readers and this makes readers not want to consume those works any longer.

There should never be any guilt-tripping. That’s not a thing that should be happening. However. If you’re talking about the posts on Tumblr where authors are literally begging for reblogs because they wrote a fic and got two notes on it, that’s a different story altogether.

I don’t know how long you’ve been reading fanfic, but writers used to get a LOT more interaction from their audience. Like a LOT, even on crappy fics. From my point of view as a writer, for some reason leaving a review on a fanfic USED to be a fun thing to do to get all excited about a fic with an author; nowadays, it’s more and more often described by the readers as a chore. Something they shouldn’t have to do, and IF they do, the author should be grateful and shut up even if they only receive one ‘nice job :)’ every ten thousand words.

Guilt-tripping for reviews is a thing that has always happened, ever since fanfic started, and mostly by young authors who want to know they’re not screaming into the void. But there are people putting out novels 80k words long and when you’re halfway through your novel and nobody seems willing to talk about it, you start to wonder what the POINT even is. You’re not making any money. You’re not getting accolade or appreciation. But the SECOND you decide to stop putting out this novel, someone is going to come along and say ‘THIS IS WHY I HATE GOOD AUTHORS, THEY NEVER FINISH THEIR FICS’. Which HAS happened to me, multiple times. People read my 400k fic which is quite clearly on hiatus, and they get to the end and all they have to say about all those words is ‘WHERE’S THE REST?’ And it is then MY responsibility to support a stranger’s hobby - of reading fanfic - without ever actually receiving any encouragement to do so.

Fanfic writers already have a hard enough time. There are posts on Tumblr with thousands of notes saying they refuse to read anything that’s not in the third person. Writers have to beg for so much as likes, let alone reblogs. I have people come to me sometimes, ‘oh yeah Indy I love your fics, I’ve read them multiple times’ but I have NEVER heard from them before. I have no idea what you are defining as ‘guilt-tripping’, but a writer shouldn’t have to beg for so much as a click on the kudos button if people like their writing so much they keep going back and re-reading it multiple times. How much feedback are you defining as ‘enough’? Because a lot of writers? They don’t get any. At all. Zero. If they got one comment they’d be happy.

Readers don’t really seem to understand the pressure to produce a product with no reward and only internal motivation with which to guide you. Is it a stranger’s hobby? Yes. But if you spend so much time reading fic, why WOULDN’T you want to support the fics you like? Why is it such a chore to comment on something that you spent time and enjoyed reading? Why is it such a big deal to say ‘oh I liked when [insert line here] and move on with your day?’

Anyway. You haven’t defined guilt-tripping or ‘enough feedback’ and the way fandom is these days, people take polite requests and turn them into authors demanding reviews. If they are genuinely guilt-tripping for comments, then no, that’s not cool. But if you feel like it’s a big pain in the ass to say you liked something that you liked every once in a while, I have to wonder why you’re reading fanfic at all. Comments and kudos are all writers ask to be paid in for their hundreds of hours of work, and a lot of readers act like that’s some massive price to pay. And yeah. That DOES make people want to stop writing. But they usually don’t say that. They usually just disappear, and then they proceed to get emails from fanfic sites from readers who apparently loved their fics and want them to come back now that they’ve left.

#so says Indy #in summary no I can't really side with you #I'm tired of the posts on Tumblr where readers say authors should be grateful for having their fics read but demanding they be of certain c #writing angst #anon #asks

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sirbarmy-blog · 5 years

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Mental Health & Why It Needs An Overhaul

I recently finished writing an article that is being considered for publication. I spent years on trying to write this in the correct way and put myself and those I love under an extreme spotlight if it does get published. I pushed those I love away in order to protect them and I sent my final story to editors for last revisions. I severed relationships and made those who care about me feel like I hated them just to ensure that they can’t be tied to it. However, I will publish my story here in the chance that the final copy does get rejected. Even if it does get published, I know that the editors will do what they want with it, so here’s my final raw article. I only hope it helps people in the end. I never wanted to lose those I care about but the thousands vs the few gave me limited options

Several years ago I did something. I did something that people who know me will get angry at. I'm okay with it. Because several years ago I embarked on a journey to ensure those that need help get that help.

Let me start from the beginning. I innocently walked into a job interview for a personal care worker position. For those of you that don't know, a PCW job is someone who helps care for a less able person with their daily routine, i.e cooking food, taking medications, going to appointments. Basically daily tasks that you and I do without second thought. I desperately needed a job and I figured, “why not”? I enjoy helping people so let me help.

I took this interview and I failed. However, that's not where my journey started. I had no second thought about it and ended up moving on.

Fast forward a few more years and once more I needed a job and so I re-applied. This time, it was different. The original person who interviewed me never actually put into my file that I had interviewed the first time. When I mentioned I had interviewed before the person looked at my file and looked at me and said “we have no record of that.” (That should have been the first red flag) However, the difference this time is that I answered all their buzz questions about helping people. However, this company, was well known for high turnover rates and I was taught how to answer the questions. So it came to no surprise to me when they told me that I was qualified. What did come as a surprise to me was that they wanted me to come back for another interview, except this time, it was for a Mental Health position I hadn't even considered.

After I interviewed with this individual I was hired. After I went through training, I went to this facility. I cannot name it, however I can say it was used by Brown County Treatment Center and Green Bay Crisis.

Upon my arrival, I shortly learned the manager that hired me had been relieved of their position. I learned later on that the individual had been sleeping with their subordinates. This should have been a second red flag but I didn't question it.

I spent a few years at this facility with patients who needed help. These patients had been unknown to me, yet, they were well known to the B.C.C.T.C and Crisis. These were patients who drastically needed help. Whether it was depression or schizophrenia or first time suicidal patients.

The biggest complaint I had heard from these individuals was that they were constantly shuffled around and mostly forgotten by their case managers. Not because the case manager didn't care but because the case manager was busy with all their other cases. They had been left at a facility that was mainly only there to babysit.

I had never seen so much red tape in patient care. I had gone to the emergency room with a cough and had been treated quicker than these patients. These patients who had far worse conditions then I had ever had.

Eventually a manager had been hired to run this facility. This manager was strictly by the book. We had no full time manager before this and we had learned to deal within a gray area. Yet, no matter how happy the clients were, we had to do everything by the book.

At this time, I could no longer be a part of this and slowly worked my way out. I eventually found another job in a completely different field. Then, I ran into some old patients I had been with. We talked and I learned that their treatment plans were still only treating them for the most drastic arguments that had landed them back in treatment instead of long term care. That's when I had enough.

I thought about how can I help? How can I use my experience? How can I make sure they don't just keep getting bounced back and forth? I started looking back at my experience working in the field. That's when it hit me. The whole time I was at this facility, I had watched as people were discharged and committed suicide, or got re-admitted cos they weren't treated properly. These people weren't being treated, they were being pawned until they seemed “right” by B.C.C.T.C.

It took me a few years but I finally worked up the courage to do what I thought would help. That's when I undertook a position that will undoubtedly harm my credibility. I decided I would get myself admitted / committed.

I took drastic measures and got myself admitted. This is where the first fault lies. I posted a message that got people worried. Yet, it wasn't the people who I posted the message to but 3rd party individuals who saw the message and called for a welfare check (These people are the most important in any crisis).

What happened next absolutely blew my mind. When people are talking about suicide, or presenting signs of suicide, you should expect an officer trained in mental health. Instead I got five officers who were not trained in mental health throwing me in cuffs. Instead of being asked, “how can we help?”, I got told I needed to “...come outside or we will come in and take you”. I decided to not be manhandled.

I went with what they requested. I had no shoes, no socks, no glasses. I was in shorts and a tank top. They immediately put me in cuffs and started searching me. I asked if I could get my glasses and they just turned me away and walked me to a patrol car. They told me I wasn't under arrest yet it felt like it.

At this point they took me to Crisis for an evaluation. I waited over close to an hour before someone finally interviewed me. I answered all their questions and I made known I had worked in mental health. Instead of asking more in depth questions, Crisis decided to commit me even though I answered all their trigger questions correctly.

At this point it was 5 in the morning. So I was transported yet again to go to a facility for a blood draw. Upon arrival I was placed in a bed in the emergency room. Not in a waiting room, not in a corner room, but instead occupying a bed. Where I was fully coherent, joking with the officer who transported me. I spent almost two hours occupying this bed which should have been used for emergencies. The reason was “because the county pays for occupants”. That's another red flag.

The nurse eventually came in. Upon her informing of me my rights, she asked if I would submit to a blood draw. I asked her “what I don't”? Her response was cold. “If you don't submit we will tie you down and take it ourselves”. When I stated you just told me my rights she informed me the officers put on the paper work I was unwilling to go with them. Yet, I had.

I argued no further and they took the blood draw. Eventually I got transported to the B.C.C.T.C. I thought this was definitely where this ended. Upon intake, which was almost four hours later at this point, I informed the individual that I knew the system and then named off several of the individuals I knew were case managers or caregivers.

What happened next blew my mind. This individual had no desire to follow protocol. This individual just told me to sign papers. Never informed me of HIPPA, never asked if I understood, just wanted me to sign. Luckily I knew the paperwork but for those who don't, this is a huge problem.

Finally I went through intake. If you think getting processed into jail is drastic, this is the same routine. Instead of treating the patient like they are in crisis, they are treated like they are a prisoner. They have no rights. You do what we say type of mentality.

I was walked to my room. The door shut behind me. Now, I really felt like I was in jail. The light switch was only dimmed to one possible light out in the entire room. The bed was a jail cot. With a simple blanket and pillow.

I didn't sleep. I wanted to see how the night went. The only thing they did correctly that night was hourly room checks. Was it non invasive? No. Was it prison like? You bet. Loud, quick, open the door and slam it shut. Just what a person in crises needs. To feel trapped.

The next morning my door was opened. I was told it's time for breakfast. Did I get asked? No. The door was thrust open saying “It's breakfast time Mr. _________”. They didn't even try to hide who I was. I thought that was weird, until I walked out and saw my full name written on a white marker board. Not only they did they treat you like a prisoner at this point, they made you fully known to everyone around you. So much for HIPPA.

I declined breakfast. I was informed I'd see a doctor that day. Never saw a doctor. When I asked, “He never showed up.” At least that was normal from when I worked in the other facility.

That first day I didn't see a doctor. What I did see right away? A person with paperwork for insurance. I didn't even see a counselor. I wondered to myself how can this be? I stayed in my room.

Throughout the day, I was never asked how I was or if I wanted to talk. Just informed it was time to eat. The next day I was told it's time for group. Immediately I wondered how is it time for group if I never got diagnosed or questioned about my state. Then I was told it was mandatory. I declined. I was told that it was okay but it had to go on my file. I fully expected to be dragged out. Yet, being told your file would get marked and not being asked why was just as worse.

I continued to deny food and group. When I asked to make a call, I had to make it in front of everyone. Not allowed privacy. Why? Cos I was committed and had no rights outside of being recorded. Now this was really feeling like jail.

The next time the doctor was in, I was denied because they were too busy. So they had once doctor for the entire facility? That's certainly what it felt like.

After finally declining food the third day, I finally met with a counselor. When they asked what I liked to do they gave me books and magazines to read. At first, I finally felt validated. That was short lived as I never saw them again unless I wanted to attend group.

On my second to last day, still declining food, I attended group. Mainly because I knew at this point if I wanted to leave I had to appear compliant. Yet, this whole time, there was my name being announced fully by every worker, and outside my door, not caring about HIPPA. So much for client care.

That did the trick. The next day I saw the doctor and he discharged me with no conditions. What just happened? I was suicidal coming in. I was lead away in cuffs. I was committed by Crisis. I was violated of HIPPA. I was told I had to comply. When I did, I was released.

This is the injustice that happens every day to people that really need help. I saw this happen constantly to those who went through the cycle. I watched as people were left in facilities for almost a year with no right, no voice, no choice.

I finally got it. I finally understood why these people felt second rate and kept getting recycled. I watched as people faked their way out only to commit suicide shortly after their release. I watched as people didn't trust the system and wouldn't talk to those who wanted to help.

Let me end with this. This isn't about blaming the peace officers, the facilities, the caregivers at the facilities, the doctors, or those who truly care. This is blaming the system. In the time I worked for a government facility, to my time purposely experiencing it, this is not what the people in need need. The system needs a drastic overhaul.

The police only did their job. They weren't trained to do it because very few officers are trained for mental health situations. Crisis was overwhelmed and were quick to push people on their way because they only had 2 people working on a hotline when they needed more. B.C.C.T.C sidestepped protocols because they weren't properly trained (i.e., I shouldn't have been there once I dropped several names of workers). The county doctor couldn't see me because they were so overwhelmed with case loads that they just wanted to do what was minimal.

Brown County is one of the most resource rich counties in Wisconsin. Yet situations like this happen every day. However, many people rely on the county. Something needs to change. Something has to give. We spend millions of dollars on a lot of things, yet those who need us most, go under the radar and funds get diverted.

Mental health needs a drastic overhaul. I did not write this article to blame any one of those involved. I wrote this article because it's time that we properly funded and helped those who need help. It doesn't just start or end with the city, or county, or state. This is a nationwide issue. Every day thousands of people go every day getting the bare minimum because not enough money gets to the right place. I wrote this article in hopes that people will see that if someone like me went through this they can only imagine how much worse it is for those who keep getting recycled through the system.

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I used to joke with my ex when she asked why I had two phones. I always made a smartass comment that it was because I worked for the government. In reality I had started putting my sources together and recording my time in my line of work. I wanted to ensure that I did not entangle others. While this is my draft, if it does get published, I did not want others to get hurt.

If you or someone you know is going through similar situations in public mental health care please contact an advocate. You are helping them and thousands of those around you.

#mental health #life #hope #nevergiveup #there is hope

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