#i need some good cowboy rep in my life

[selencallisto]

BOOTHILL WANTERS WILL BE BOOTHILL HAVERS

(he's not even out yet)

#such a silly guy #please god let him have a southern accent please #i need some good cowboy rep in my life #art #my art <3 #hsr #hsr fanart #honkai fanart #honkai star rail #boothill #hsr boothill #small artist #artists on tumblr #fanart #digital art

[jasperhaleobsessed]

Dancing with the Cowboy

Jasper Hale x GN reader (requested by anon)

Notes: Sorry this took me forever I've been preparing for the holidays and school's been a bit stressful the last week or two. Thank You so much for your patience! :) This is my first x reader fic so please be nice! Posted this by accident oops! But it's fine it was practically done anyways! Not heavily edit sorry in advanced! Hope you still like it! :)

Warnings: None, pure fluff

Word count: 853

Tagging some mutuals/friends cause I need some love since this is my first x reader fic! @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @twilightsaga123412 @nobody0805 @naolvshan

You smiled to yourself as you popped in your ear buds. It was finally your 'me' time in the day. And to say the least today was exhausting and you needed some music in your life. Excitement rushed through your veins, it was finally time to listen to your favorite album and your favorite artist. You were bubbling with excitement, you just couldn’t wait. You unlocked your phone and tapped on your music app. You scrolled until you found your favorite album. Reputation by Taylor Swift. Out of her discography rep was most definitely your favorite and the best out of her other albums in your honest opinion. It was different and unique from the rest of her work that’s what made it special. Of course the rest of her discography was amazing but this album held a special place in your heart. 

This album always pumped you up. It always brought a smile to your face when you were down. When you were sad it made everything better. They say books can take you to magical places but in your case it wasn’t a book, It was Reputation and any of Taylor Swift’s music. Her music was magical in your eyes, her lyrics were like poetry, they’re beautiful. They’re amazing. It’s what got you through the good and bad. But it wasn’t just her music that helped a certain cowboy, helped as well. You blush at the thought of your boyfriend, he always had this effect on you. You tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, smiling at the thought of your boyfriend. You also couldn’t help but feel excited to see him in the next 30 minutes. Currently it is 2:30 and he said he’d be at your place at 3:00. So you have about 30 minutes to listen to tswift and relax. This sounded perfect. You headed towards your room, you twisted the doorknob and flicked the lightswitch. 

Once you stepped into your room you plopped onto your soft, comfy bed. You hit play on Reputation and the first track started to play …Ready for it? The song started to play and after a minute you couldn’t help but move from your bed. It was a difficult move since your covers and pillows were ever so soft and comforted you greatly. But suddenly you were in the mood for a little dance even if you weren’t the best, at the end of the day it was all about having fun. You started to shuffle your feet, a giggle escaped your lips as you continued to shake your hips trying to match the rhythm of the song. Dancing hasn’t always been your forte and you haven’t always enjoyed it but when you're alone and not judged by others it feels good. It also helped you were listening to rep. Suddenly you felt a strong arms wrap around your waist. You squealed in surprise. And you may or may not be very, very ticklish. You whipped your head around to meet a pair of golden eyes. You put a hand over your heart, it raced fast. 

You swat his arm, “You scared the crap out of me Jazz.” He chuckled at your response. “Sorry Darlin’ didn’t mean to startle ya.” He smiled dazzlingly at you. 

You pulled your earbuds out of your ears to hear him better. You quickly pause your music and toss your phone on your bed. You admired his smile, you could never stay mad at him long. 

You shake your head and a small smile graces your face. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be here until 3:00?” You question, raising your eyebrow. 

“Sorry darlin’ I missed you too much.” 

“You just saw me like an hour ago, you know!” 

“Well excuse me darlin’ but I missed you and I’ll take any chance to see you.” You smiled at him like a dork. You blushed and closed the gap between the two of you. You pressed your lips against his cold ones. It made you shiver and yet it was a wonderful feeling. A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as you kissed him. You pulled away and giggled, you looked up at him and you couldn't help but look deep into his honey eyes. He smiled warmly at you, and caressed your cheek. “I also may or may not have felt that you're a bit exhausted and I wanted to do anything to help ya.”

Your heart melts, it's official you have the sweetest boyfriend. “Aww thank you Jasper, that is so sweet and considerate of you. I love you.” He beams and you lean in and hug him tightly. 

“May I have this dance?” You smiled at him and took his hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed play. The beat of lover came on, it was one of your favorites. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist and you rested your hand on his chest. You both swayed together and danced to the slow beat. 

You felt glad he came over. He always came when you needed him. It really helped that he could feel what you felt, it may or may not have come in handy at times. He has this wonderful talent of taking away your worries and making everything better. He had the best hugs and always knew the right words to say He really was the perfect boyfriend.

The End. 

#jasper hale #jasper whitlock #jasper hale x reader #twilight imagine #jasper hale x y/n #jasper hale x you #jasper hale x gn reader #jasper hale x gender neutral reader #twilight saga #the twilight saga #twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight fanfic #request #requested #anon #anonymous #for anon #my fanfic #my fanfiction

[hugeswiftie13]

OK HERE ARE MY FIRST THOUGHTS FOR EACH TRACK:

Lavender Haze—SCREECH DELICATE VIBES. Literally tho, real rep vibes. Not her calling out the engagement rumors lmao. THAT ENDING THO

Maroon—LITERALLY WANNA CRY?? VOCALS ARE SO GOOD?? I LOVE THE DEEP REGISTER. also, tHIS BRIDGEEEEEE. needs another listen

Anti-Hero—so poppy?? But ALREADY SOBBING MIDNIGHTS ARE MY AFTERNOONS. HER DEPRESSION. THE IMAGERY IS SO FUCKING INCREDIBLE. ACTUALLY SOBBING. Like some kind of congressmannnnn.

Snow on the Beach—off the bat, inthaf vibes? WEIRD BUT FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. and she really had Lana in backing huh. BUT IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

You’re on your own, kid—this feels like a hug from an old friend. I want to cry forever. he loves me not 😭😭 again sobbing rn. THIS BRIDGE??? HOW AM I EXPECTED TO MOVE ON. NO. IM STAYING HERE.

Midnight rain—is this the new ratatatatatatatatatyatya? A grower, methinks. But I love the midnight motif

Question…?—NEW SIDE. I REMEMBERRRRR. oof so sad 😭😭 bridge is not my fav tho. THE CLAPS AND CHEERS???

Vigilante Shit—literally she’s never made anything like this?? kinda digging it. Cowboy like me vibes. DONT GET SAD, GET EVEN. LATELY IVE BEEN DRESSIN FOR REVENGE. also nbnc vibes?? WAIT ARE ALL THESE SPOTIFY VIDS FROM THEIR OWN VIDS?????? TAYLOR??????????????????????????????? Ladies always rise above, ladies always know what we want???? A grower.

Bejeweled—GRADED ON A CURVE OOF I FELT THAT. Not my fav rn, but ok

Labyrinth—the breathing lyrics 😭😭 I’VE BEEN GETTING OVER YOU MY WHOLE LIFE??😭😭😭i’m falling in loveee again………..I love this chorus. I love these vibes. I love the airy sounds. tf is this new production at ~3 min?? BUT HER BACKGROUND VOCALS UGH SO PERFECT

Karma—LAUHEFRLTUIAEHFRILUWAEHRGLAE;RHTUG ITS KARMA OH MY GOD FINALLY. SPIDERBOY?????? what the actual fuck 😭😭 it is a track

Sweet nothing—softer. the end is coming. I’M JUST TOO SOFT FOR ALL OF IT 😭😭 gonna listen to this on repeat at the impending apocalypse

Mastermind—SHRIEK. I LOVE THE BEAT SM. THIS IS AN ***EXPERIENCE*** THAT I CAN NEVER RELIVE. This feels like such a classic Taylor song. THIS BRIDGE HAS ACTUALLY MURDERED ME. FUCKING TEARS. ALSO MACHIAVELLI NAME DROP GOTTA TELL (insert poli sci teacher) TMRW. SUCH A GOOD ENDING.

#taylor swift #midnights

[not-close-to-straight]

Hi! Sorry to bother you lol but I finished "Bullets and Bonnets" (and LOVED omg you are so talented and cool and wonderful at everything you do from characterization to plot and like- there was NEVER a slow moment. It was so great I read it twice haha) and the ENTIRE TIME I read it, I just kept thinking of this Taylor Swift song (I know you probably aren't the biggest fan of her but this is TOO perfect) called "Cowboy Like Me." And it just. FIT. SO. WELL. I feel like. Cause of:

"And you asked me to me/ But I said "dancing is a dangerous game" for like Peters sort-of reluctance to make anything serious out of his and Wade's relationship for his own protection.

"Oh I thought, this is gonna be one of those things/ now I know I'm never gonna love again" to show how heartbroken he was after what Wade did to him.

"I've got some tricks up my sleeve/ Takes one to know one" First line for both of them, obviously. They give off smarter and more talented and good than people EXPECT them to be. Like, a bounty hunter and a "whore"- they're often written off like that. The second line for how SIMILAR they are. Like, they truly have both been through A LOT and that made them what they are, and whats great is they recognize and relate to that in the other person.

"Never wanted love, just a fancy car" Peters like DESPERATION for something else besides the life he currently has. The life that it feels like he's stuck it.

"Perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear" they both work for people but in different ways, even if they don't enjoy it, they still have to do it.

"Like it could be love/ I could be the way forward/ only if they pay for it" Peters occupation basically.

And, "Hustling for the good life" just... PETER, the smart pragmatist.

"Never thought I'd meet you here/ It could be love/ And I'll know I'll pay for it" Peter KNOWS his relationship w/ Wade is risky and unexpected and yet he WANTS IT SO BAD.

"I could be the way forward/ Only if they pay for it" shows how DIFFERENT Wade is for people. Those other Alphas were just a paycheck. Wade isn't.

"And the skeletons in both our closests/ Plotted hard to fuck this up" just FRANCIS. Literally just him.

"And the ladies lunching, have their stories about/ When you pass through town/ But that was all before I locked it down" just Wade's rep and how Peter was SUCH a game changer for him.

"Now you hang from my lips/ Like the Gardens from Babylon" just that gold eyes last scene. DUDE. So magical and rare for Peter.

"With your boots beneath my bed/ Forever is the sweetest con" they both did bad stuff but they FINALLY got their happy ending. As they deserve.

"And I'm never gonna love again" just Peters never gonna love LIKE THAT again. He'll never need to fake love, cause he got the real deal.

Okay, thanks! ABSOLUTELY understand if you never answer this, I've been nervous and just itching to see what you think lol so so so sorry for how long this is. Was not my intention.

Thank you for any and all your time. If you don't like this than I appreciate your time regardless. Have an excellent day/night <3 thank you so much for all the joy and entertainment

HELLO

HELLO I LOVE THIS.

I'm not a huge Taylor Swift fan beyond a couple of her songs I listen to on repeat HOWEVER I admire her to heaven and back for being one of the rare singers who not only writes her own lyrics but also writes the music she plays. (not that there's anything wrong with people just singing, that's a helluva talent on it's own, but to also WRITE and also PLAY-- girl is talented AF)

That being said, I've fallen in love with so many of her LYRICS even if I don't really like the finished song product because I love to write poetry too and she writes poetry that makes a bitch's heart ACHE and this song is an excellent example of literally top tier lyrics... but music and a cadence I just don't care for.

That being said-- it IS very much BAB Spideypool coded and it's frankly amazing. I'm gonna tag in my fanficbestiesoulmate @xkissmeimirishx because she's the one who sends me half the TS songs for fic and fandom specific reasons and she loves BAB spideypool so I'm sure she'll have thoughts.

But SO MANY LINES. I'm obsessed with the boots beneath my bed/forever is the sweetest con line, like that is so very specifically amazingly Spideypool??

AMAZING. 10/10 reference, I LOVE this. Never hesitate to throw lyrics/fic connections at me, I live for this shit.

Cheers!

[writingwithmeraki]

Why Diversity and Good Rep Matters

General disclaimer: these are my opinions, my personal thoughts and reasons. I'm going to strictly talk about race in this post, but I think most of these points also work for having good rep on mental illnesses, disabilities, sexuality, and others.

I've seen a couple of these posts around instagram and tumblr, and here are my two cents on why good diversity is extremely important, especially in a topic like literature.

First off--the ability for readers to be able to connect with a certain character at a deeper level.

I'm not going to go too deep into this because there have been other fantastic posts (both here and on instagram) that explains this perfectly, but really, it's about inclusivity. Seeing a character that reflects you, or some big aspect of you, can be empowering and welcoming. You're able to relate to that character because there are similarities that go beyond just "oh x is also super organized." It's more like, "oh I understand why x does [specific action] because it's a highly respected custom in my culture" (specifically talking about race here). It's also just really cool seeing a character that does the same things as you.

For example, I recently read Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, which is a book telling the generational stories of a Korean family from the beginning of Japanese colonization and afterwards (highly recommend). And I kid you not, I got so, so excited when they mentioned a specific Korean dish within the first chapter.

Now, as a person of Korean descent, I rarely ate toast or cereal for breakfast, let alone call that a meal. I don't know what meatloaf is or what casseroles even look like. And nearly in every YA book that I read in elementary/middle school, they would be the casual mention of eating certain foods or snacks, and I could just never relate to it. Little things like that casually remind you that you're different, when in reality, you're not.

Ok, this blends into my next point about good, accurate representation: books shape your perception.

I really, really, really want to emphasize that when people ask for representation, it's not half-researched, token diversity. I don't want your Asian character to be smart, passive, docile, and a bad driver. Now, those aren't necessarily bad traits, I'm not saying your character can't have them. But they should not be the only traits they inhibit. Don't give your POC characters harmful stigmas and stereotypes as their personality and call it a day. Especially now, where diversity is extremely lacking in literature.

Good, accurate, representation is important because it shapes the readers perception of the group your character belongs in. Especially for people who do not share the same culture. Most readers aren't going to go research the history, culture, customs and practices of your x non-white character after finishing your book. In most cases, readers will casually adopt and generalize the traits you give that character.

Have you ever watched an actor first play an extremely villainous, rude, abusive character and then find it really jarring when you see them in another movie where they play an extremely nice, empathetic, smiling character? Even more so if the first role you've ever seen the actor play was the mean one. You can't see them playing a different character anymore. Like imagine anyone else playing Loki besides Tom Hiddleston.

Consequently, a lot of rookie actors get hate for playing a hateful character. You might be asking, why? It's not like the actor is actually like that character in real life. And you're absolutely right. But sometimes we forget that, and some completely disregard that.

Books work the same way. You didn't mean to extend your first impression of the character to the person who played it, your brain just associated the two together. And just like how you associate a character's personality with that of the actor, readers will internalize the personality of the character and their race.

Another example: my brother was reading a book and the literal words the author used when describing an Asian character was that "X Character had anime quality."

The character was Chinese.

Anime is Japanese, for those who don't know. And there's a bunch of other things I could nitpick within this single sentence (what on earth does 'anime quality' even mean??????), but my point is, it's almost dehumanizing to be described that way. Like you've never read a book describing a white character as cowboy or KFC quality.

Anyway, some, especially younger audiences, who aren't Asian won't even question it. Even those who are Asian might not even question it; my bother didn't even mention it until I read over his shoulder. I would never have seen those words. This is extremely problematic when books designed for 10-13 year olds describe their POC characters in a similar fashion.

And the problem is that it's repeatedly done in books. Look at Cho Chang (my gosh, the way I could go into a whole another spiel about this--) and Baljeet Tjinde from Phineas and Ferb. Subtly, they share similar characteristics; almost all the Asian characters I've read about in books have. Same idea extends towards other races. It's either always degrading representation or none at all.

These impressions build upon each other. It's dangerous. Literature is an extension of society, and more so a reflection of it. See these types of characterizations, and people will begin to internalize them. For younger kids, they'll grow up believing them. They'll impose these stereotypes onto other kids. Adults will too, and so will teachers*.

What's more, describing non-white characters in the fashion as said above, perpetuates the constant image of a foreigner. Of course, foreigners are not bad, by no means. But it just points a finger at the POC and labels them as the 'different' one. No specific characteristic or personality should be limited to a certain person or a certain race.

All in all, it's important to be inclusive because ideas played out in literature and children's books extend to society and our mindsets, as well as how we perceive other people. And, it's nice to be included beyond stereotypes. Non-white characters are people too! :)

This was more of a rant but I hope you've been able to see why diversity is really important. Books and authors have gotten better with inclusivity (which is great and so so awesome to see) but we can definitely be better! This is only the surface, and need for diverse characters go deeper than this but you're more than welcome to do outside research. Everything I've said here is what I've noticed and my personal opinions.

Thanks for reading and happy writing!

*Not everyone will fall under this category, nor am I trying to generalize everyone. Simply saying that these stereotypes can filter into the education system and affect students, especially if the teacher also has those internalized ideas. Also wrote it to say that casual racism can be a root of bigger racism.

#writing #writerscommunity #writblr #writers and poets #writers #creative writing #small rant #diversity #stereotypes #please do your research #accurate representation #representation matters

[clairenatural]

Hm. I know this is fandom stuff so whatever it’s not that big of a deal but misha is a grown 40+ year old man who CHOSE to make a post trying to defend one of the most blatant “bury your gays” moments in modern tv AND Jensen has a history* of homophobic behavior (saying brokeback ruined cowboy movies for him, ‘real men don’t use straws,’ writing no on the bi dean thesis, the booing issue). like. they’re not the victims here. and you’re bisexual too so I know you understand that the lgbt fans who were denied good rep but still expected to praise the show regardless are the ones harmed, and I wish everyone talking abt this would stop trying to empathize with grown adult men who made thousands off a homophobic, racist, misogynistic show and instead actually offer genuine criticism for the ways the show screwed everyone over

here’s the thing.

i really debated not answering this, but after the knee-jerk response I ultimately do want to be held accountable for things and if I fuck up I want to know, so let’s talk.

First of all, I *do* want to remind you and everyone that while fandom stuff definitely can be a big deal, I’m also just someone having fun on tumblr dot com and how critical i choose to be/not be isn’t indicative of my real life ability to critically consume media or view the celebrities I follow as flawed humans. Personally, this is my safe space, and I choose to celebrate the show rather than focus on tearing it down.

That being said, we do need to hold this show and the people involved accountable for their homophobia, racism, and misogyny. I honestly believe (or, i guess, believed) I’ve been doing that--I’m incredibly angry with how we’ve been treated, and I feel like I’ve done a good job voicing that. If I haven’t made it clear enough that this show massively fucked over everyone, I’m genuinely sorry. I’m very much of the mindset that the CW should burn. At the beginning when all this was going down I was very clear on that, I’ve participated in the twitter campaigns, i’m boycotting the show, etc. Recently i’ve been shifting this blog back towards being more positive (not about the ending, but just in general) for my own mental health, but please don’t think my stance on any of that has changed (and I am ready to go back into battle the moment I’m called on).

I also don’t believe I’ve ever glossed over Jensen’s problematic past--he absolutely needs to be held accountable for his past behavior. I honestly don’t have the spoons to go track down long thinkpieces on how his behavior has changed drastically recently and as to why fan opinion on him being homophobic has largely shifted but he has markedly changed his tone in the past few years and has shown himself to be an ally. If this is specifically about the post I made on the booing thing, I clarified in the tags that I wasn’t trying to defend Jensen; a lot of antis use that incident as an example of “Jensen thinks bi!dean is gross, nyah nyah” when it’s a bad example of that because he didn’t really know what was going on (as reported by the fan who asked the question). That wasn’t supposed to absolve Jensen of how he reacted in that situation or ways he has handled other similar situations. On Misha--I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t really think the CW forced him to make that video but I do believe it came from a good, if misguided place. I also believe his response to the backlash, where he listened and learned, was the best it could be. Not everyone has to accept that apology and I obviously can’t on behalf of the entire community, but I personally do, and he also is bound by an NDA + probably has guidelines on how to address the bury your gays issue so yes I will cut him some slack because of that. In fact, his statements on bury your gays specifically varied SO wildly over the past few times he’s mentioned it, from “I know this was bad and I’m sorry, it’s a conversation we should continue to have” to “It wasn’t bury your gays” that....yeah, I do believe there was some sort of consensus reached on how to approach it that he had to stick to. Overall I just genuinely think that the actors aren’t the enemy here when all the (most recent) signs point to them trying to give us as much as they can--actors aren’t showrunners or writers or producers and don’t have ultimate power over the narrative.

But I do really want to apologize if anyone following my blog feels like they aren’t allowed to be angry or that they need to celebrate the show. I’ve been vocally angry here and while I’ve been shifting more towards positivity for my own wellbeing I would never tell other fans--particularly LGBT+ ones--that we need to praise the show. I am also deeply hurt by this. I’ve expressed how hurt I am by this, and now I’m trying to move on to a more positive place, but that does not mean everyone has to! And on that note, honestly, while I may advocate against people sending hate and attacks to the actors, I’m not here to police anyone’s feelings. If you feel like you need to be angry at Jensen and Misha in order to process and move on.....it’s not my right to tell you that you can’t be. We shouldn’t let them silence us and if I’ve participated at all in the silencing....there’s not much I can say except that I’m sorry and I’ll be better. 

#idk. i feel like this is messy because it's 3am but i also am unable to sleep on it and answer it tomorrow im sorry :( #i hope this makes sense anyway #like fr im just trying to have fun on the internet which is why im not heavily critical but PLEASE dont take that to mean that im not angry #but i can see how that's actively harmful so I'll be more aware of how my positivity could come across as telling other people they can't b #*they can't be angry #and also please know I AM still upset #idk. sorry. #thanks for this message anon sometimes I need a reality check #hope ur doing good. sending good vibes #long post #answered #Anonymous

[winged-fool]

Hey friend! Anti-max/echo/Maria anon here 🧡🧡 There ain’t no darkness in you, kid. You ain’t nothing but a pair of sad puppy dog eyes in a cowboy hat - hands down the best scene in the episode and one of the most accurate statements ever made in the show!! Michael Guerin = 🤠+🥺 I love papa Sanders knocking some sense into Michael 🧡🧡 between him and Alex, they’ll make sure Michael knows that no one believes there is any darkness in him 🥰🥰 I really hope by the end of the season Michael realises, and tells Sanders, that Sanders is the only dad he’s ever needed 🧡🧡 what did you think of the ep..? I didn’t hate it but after last week my hopes were HIGH so it was a bit of a let down… I really wanted a Malex morning after scene 🥺 I won’t lie, I didn’t need any of the Wyatt stuff 😒😒 I don’t understand the point of his character and making his arc relate to Rosa’s… I hate it and I just hope it’s finally done! I love Dallas 🥰🥰 I wish he had’ve been around for the whole season… and I sincerely hope that Max dies (you’ve been teasing it for 3 seasons!! Just do it, you cowards!!) and we keep Dallas… and Mr Jones.. he’s funny 🤷🏻‍♀️ only one week of RNM left… I don’t know how to feel hahahaha 😂😂 sending love your way friend 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Hello my friend! Okay I loooove that Sanders and Michael keep having emotion moments together, it's everything I ever wanted for Michael! He especially needs it now with his existentialism re: Jones! BTW do we know his alien name??

I still haven't seen the ep, but with the way my week is going I probably won't until later! But I agree, we were riding that high pretty hard last week and the blasted 10 episode contract came and ruined everything! I think when I do watch it though, I'm going to fast forward thru Wyatt's scenes, I don't need that negativity in my life lol

Yeah kill Max u cowards! I'm not even saying fire Nathan because we love Jones and he can stick around haha just think how good the show could be! Triad Isobel, Michael, and Dallas, poly rep Liz/Kyle/Isobel. Wow chills just thinking of it haha

I'm ready for the season to end, my semester is only going to get worse from here hahaha but I hope the finale is good and isn't TOO jam-packed with info dumping...

Anyway, lots of love right back at ya my friend!!

#anti max/echo/maria anon #My asks #Anon ask #Rnm s3 #rnm spoilers #the Salt Mine #Rnm salt

[darlinrogue]

“ sometimes i realize one day i could die, i could just disappear and the world would be none the wiser. there’d be no one to miss me and that terrifies me more than death itself. ” — kenny @ adam!

It’s All Down Hill From Here Ya’ll

Adam and Kenny || @ofgrief

Adam woke-up with the hangover of a lifetime. A whole ass construction crew wedged inside his cranium going to demolition town. Big, sweaty, muscly guys with jackhammers, wrecking balls, and heavy machinery. For some stupid reason he left the curtain open last night. Morning light spilled into the room and stabbed his eyeballs with serrated knives. Adam groaned and rolled over. He pressed his face into the pillow. His body ached, his head hurt, he was nauseous, and he kinda had to pee— shit, he hadn’t woken-up like this in a minute. Someone needed to shut-up their phone, the incessant chiming was getting on his last nerve. Then it hit him. That was his phone and his alarm going off at God’s forsaken hour of six-thirty. 

Adam slapped at the nightstand. He smacked the shit out of the alarm clock and knocked his car keys to the floor, no phone. Adam weathered the agony of lifting his head-up enough to look and hear the blasted thing beneath him. He slid halfway out of the bed and clawed at the floor beneath the headboard. Then, bingo, his hand closed around the phone and he pressed the power button to shut it up. With most of his upper body hanging off the mattress, Adam crumpled to the floor. His calves tangled with the blankets and he dragged the sheets clean off the bed with him. Flopped against the carpet, he massaged the bridge of his nose. There was a black hairband around his wrist and he had no clue where it came from. Adam yanked back his tangled, frizzy hair into a ponytail to get it out of his eyes. He laid there, blithe and numb, letting incoherent thoughts skim the surface of his consciousness. Bit-by-bit, Adam reconstructed the past twenty-four hours and it was enough to make him laugh. 

Damn, he was good.  

Eager to bask in a rare accomplishment, Adam turned his attention to his phone. He blinked and wiped the grit from his eyes as the screen flicked to life. He had one text message in his notifications. Kenny Omega, at a little past midnight texted him: [Wanna hang out?]

Adam let that time bomb tick as he unlocked his phone and checked Twitter instead. He searched Matt Hardy and perused the iconic’s Twitter feed. Another grin cracked Adam’s face down the middle. Hardy had no idea. That little task of self aggrandization done, Adam opened the messaging app. He stared at the screen and the little bubble of text from Kenny. Absent-minded, Adam reached down and yanked his belt off— only now realizing he never took it off. Then he answered Kenny’s question with a question.

[Got anything in mind?]

He paused, tongue running over his lips. Then, he untangled his legs from the sheets and blankets. Adam pushed to his feet and stumbled across the room to his bag on the desk. Inside he found Advil and a flask of whiskey. He washed the pain medicine down with a generous swig of alcohol. Adam coughed, beating on his chest to clear his dry throat. On the way to the bathroom he stripped out of his jeans. While brushing his teeth, his phone chimed. Adam spat into the sink and leaned over to read Kenny’s reply.

[My place. Dinner at six?] 

Okay, so that wasn’t ‘hanging-out.’ In Adam’s book, ‘hanging-out’ with Kenny was playing video games or going to an arcade. Maybe they’d work-out, train and drill in the ring, sit around the hotel room and watch movies. All the little things they did as a tag-team to kill time on the road or between matches. What Kenny proposed sounded like a —dare Adam say it— a date. Like two adults, sitting down over a candle-lit table, and talking about serious things for a couple of hours. Which, it was Kenny, so not a big deal, but at the same time, it was Kenny, which was a big deal. 

Since, November their relationship had been stuck in this weird, strange, gray, Twilight-Zone that was neither friendship or anything else. Cuddling in bed or on a couch, flirting, lingering too close, heady with physical desire, and softened by intimacy. Stablemates were always close, stuck on buses and planes for hours together enforced liking someone. Kenny and Adam had seen each other at the worst, at their best. This thing went beyond that. They were friends, tag-partners for a period, all they had left, and yet, nothing at all. Adam could ask Kenny: ‘What the fuck are we?’ If he thought he’d get a straight answer.

Unwilling to unpack all that, Adam dressed to work-out. He left his hotel room and started down the stairs to the lobby. He thought about dinner at six. Today’s original plan was to drive seven hours back to North Carolina, shooting straight-up I-95 along the coast. If Adam left after breakfast he’d be back in the afternoon. Staying another evening in Jacksonville wasn’t a big deal. Such were the benefits of a lonely bachelor life. A neighborhood girl usually took care of Adam’s dogs on Wednesdays. He could call her, offer a generous tip, and get another night. Around the sixth floor landing, he yanked his phone out of his pocket and gave Kenny his answer. 

[Sure, I’ll bring milk and beer. Give me your address.]

Down in the hotel gym he started his work-out, running through reps with almost memorized, mechanical ease. While Adam counted bicep curls, his phone chimed and he glanced at it long enough to see that Kenny had sent the address. Between sets, Adam popped the address into Google Maps. The house was a little over a half-hour drive away on Pointe Verde Beach, just outside of Jacksonville. Strange, because Adam had no memory of Kenny owning a house in or around Jacksonville. He heard whisper of a house near Orlando. He was vaguely aware that Kenny had stayed with Callis or Nakazawa a few times. Adam shuffled this mystery home off as another thing he just didn’t know about Kenny. He finished his work-out on the treadmill, running until endorphins blasted Kenny and the last of the hang-over from his brain. Adam returned to his hotel room to shower. 

While hot water rolled down his back and he scrubbed conditioner from his hair, Adam wondered after Kenny’s ulterior motives. Back in December Kenny made it clear what he wanted from Adam: sex. That wasn’t Adam’s own ego talking, that was straight out of the horse’s mouth. Kenny had said he wanted Adam to kiss him, touch him, and fuck him. That was what he said, almost verbatim. Adam was an adult. He spent a significant chunk of his twenties sexually active. He wasn’t shy or prudish, he had no hang-ups. He could do all the things Kenny wanted. Hell, he’d gladly do them, under the right circumstances. Provided Adam could negotiate the differences between male and female anatomy with any competence. Physical desire was absolutely a dimension of his attraction to Kenny. Except, he wasn’t sure if this was the right circumstances. The thought that Kenny was inviting Adam over to dinner for the sole purpose of propositioning him for sex, turned Adam’s stomach over. He cranked the water cold and sobered beneath the icy spray, jaw tight. He turned off the water and toweled off. Adam texted Kenny again. 

[Nak’s not going to be there, is he?]

Two seconds later, Kenny replied: 

[Nope, just us.]

And to keep some kinda banter, Adam texted him back, hoping that the words read as teasing.

[No Callis, either?]

[lmao no he’s in Tennessee doing Impact crap for the PPV. He left this morning.]

And Adam hadn’t felt this nervous about being alone with Kenny since the first time they played Mario Tennis with Chase Owens. Because shit, he’d been stringing Kenny along for months now. Sure, Callis had been a consistent cock block, but Adam wouldn’t pretend he and Kenny weren’t playing some kinda game. A no-rules, Calvinball-Esque, game with moving goalposts. There were no boundaries because Kenny and Adam never set any. That would imply proper and honest communication. All of it was impromptu and they were living on a prayer that neither of them stepped on any toes. In a way, Daily’s place was a blessing. The presence of others acted as a natural check-and-balance on Kenny and Adam’s weird dynamic. So long as they didn't talk about it, didn't acknowledge the elephant in the room, everything was fine. An evening alone felt like cutting the breaks. It wasn’t that Adam feared having sex with Kenny or Kenny outright trying to jump his bones. It wasn’t that he didn’t want that, or that he hadn’t thought about it. 

It was just that he wanted more.

Call him a sap, but Adam loved Kenny and he wanted Kenny to love him too. He wanted to go on dates. He wanted to wake-up in the same bed in the morning and to kiss Kenny awake. He wanted the small pleasure of fixing breakfast for both of them. Even to do the dishes together and all the boring domestic tasks of day-to-day life. To talk about how their days went but also to exist in quiet intimacy. He wanted to walk down the street holding Kenny’s hand. To drop casually in conversations, “My boyfriend Kenny—” To argue, make-up, and do better next time, all of it. And they were so off the rails because Adam was afraid that saying ‘no’ to Kenny in any capacity would kill what little they had. The what-ifs piled in Adam’s brain. Kenny using him for sex and then never talking to him again. Kenny telling him off for introducing more emotion that was necessary to a physical relationship. Kenny letting Adam know that he had finally moved on from his hot cowboy tag-partner and he won’t be needed anymore. The moment Kenny figured-out that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted from Adam— was the moment Adam lost him. 

Adam ate breakfast at the hotel hot bar. He had yogurt, an orange, eggs, and some links of sausage. He arranged for an extra night at the hotel and texted the girl who took care of his dogs. Then he got hustled by said teenager for almost twice the usual rate because she had, ‘lots of homework.’ Adam couldn’t complain because he was honestly kinda proud. She’d make a great carny one day. With not much else to do in Jacksonville, he left the hotel to go shopping. Adam had only packed for one night and not for a maybe-date with Kenny. He bought a white button down at a clothing store. Then, stopped by an uptown grocery store to buy 2% milk and local IPAs. Adam spent about three minutes lingering by a display of pre-arranged bouquets at the store, wondering if flowers would be too much. He walked away from the display, walked back, almost walked away again, stopped, and then stared a little longer. His hand fluttered by his side and before he could stop himself, Adam grabbed a bouquet of yellow flowers. Shit, he was an idiot. 

He thought, as the cashier rang him up, that Kenny was going to laugh at him. 

He took a lunch break at a small Mexican hole-in-the-wall because his diet was shot to hell today and he’d just have to admit it. Back at the hotel, he did his second work-out, showered again, and then realized he had three whole hours to kill. Three hours to get dressed, fuss over his hair, sit around, stare at the dumb flowers he bought, and consider if waterboarding would be a more or less effective form of torture. He scrolled Twitter, did some Duolingo. His body was tense, a live wire, his heart pounding. Adam left thirty minutes early and so took a twenty-minute detour, just to kill time. All so he wouldn’t look like a complete, desperate dweeb— showing-up early and with flowers? That would be way too much. 

The house was situated in an upscale, rich and retired, suburb nestled by the ocean. It was smaller, blander than the two, three story beach homes that towered around it, with their sparse lawns and obnoxious, pastel colors. It was a one-story, Spanish-style home with a brown roof and off-white siding. Palm trees and shaped topiary decorated the well-tended front yard. The sun back dropped the city to the West, burning gold. The angles of light painted the thin, sparse clouds pink, purple, and orange creamsicle. Adam parked in the driveway in front of the garage. He stepped out of his car and the wind, tasting of salt, pulled at his hair. Between the neighbor’s fence and the sand dunes, he caught sight of the Atlantic. The waves rolled and churned, edged by white foam-like lace. Adam walked around to the other side of the car. On the floorboards were the milk and beer, and on the passenger seat were the flowers. His hands trembled and his heart thudded against his chest like a hammer. Do or die, he had to commit now— fuck it, life was short and that bouquet was like twenty bucks. He tucked the beers under his arm, picked-up the milk in one hand, and the flowers in the other, 

Adam walked up to the front porch and used his elbow to ring the bell. Before Adam even retracted his hand, the door opened. Kenny stood on the other side of the threshold. His hair was yanked back into a loose ponytail at the nape of his neck. Flour dusted his pink t-shirt across the chest. Adam’s eyes drifted down to khaki shorts and the loafers he wore without any socks. For a brief second, Kenny stared at Adam, also giving him a once-over. Adam hesitated, trying to decide if he should give Kenny the flowers or put something down to offer a handshake— like a dork. He managed neither before Kenny cussed. 

“Son of a bitch, you dressed nice, shit, stay there.” Kenny pointed at Adam to indicate where he should 'stay.' Then, Kenny vanished into the house, leaving the door ajar. Adam gaped, brow furrowed and blinking like an owl. A Gregorian choir in his brain chanted, ‘dork, dork, massive dork!’ 

Kenny hadn’t come back by the time Adam processed his absence. So, he took the first step over the threshold. “Uh, Kenny? I’m coming in?” Adam called, to no reply. 

The inside of the house had a blandly typical beach house vibe. White walls, seashell decor, stock paintings of the ocean, and blue accents. There was a wood sign on the entry hall wall that read: Happiness comes in waves. To his left was the kitchen, a large space, with expansive white countertops and black appliances. There were a few bowls and dishes left out, with signs of being used. The sink was to put it lightly, a wreck, filled with utensils, cutting boards, and knives. Adam put the milk and beer in the fridge. Then noted that the dining room table was set. Each place had a gleaming crimson plate. No forks or knives, just chopsticks. A drinking glass for water. Kenny even had even folded the cloth napkins. All set on a black placemat. Adam wandered on into the rest of the house in search of Kenny. Connected to the dining room was the living room. Tall windows on the East wall allowed an expansive view over the pool, yard, and ocean. The sliding glass back door had been left cracked, to allow the cool and brisk breeze in. Adam pushed his hands into his pockets and soaked in the ocean at sunset. 

Footsteps echoed down the far hall. Kenny passed the living room doorway, on the way to the kitchen. He caught Adam out of the corner of his eye and pulled back, changing direction at the last second. Kenny smiled and spread his arms wide so Adam could admire new outfit. He’d changed into dark jeans, a red v-neck, and a black blazer. Still in the loafers, Adam noted, but that was just part of the Kenny charm. 

“Better, right?” Kenny asked. He did a full turnaround and then jaunted over to Adam. He smoothed the lapel of his blazer down. “I didn’t give you a dress code, so I packed something nice to wear just in case. Didn’t wanna feel awkward in khakis, ya know?”

“Yeah, you look good,” Adam agreed, returning Kenny’s grin. They diverted their gaze to the floor together. Adam, trying to find something to say, exaggerated a  look around the house. “Is this your uh, home?”

“Nope! I rented it on Air BnB,” Kenny said, proudly. “I’ve never used the app before, but it found this pretty sweet crib, so I’m impressed. A little pricey maybe, but for an evening, just for us? Worth it, I’d say.”

Adam heard Kenny but he couldn’t think of a response. It hit him that the food on the counter, the set table, the entire house, pointed-to one thing. Kenny had planned this. He had to look for a house, find one, pay for it, plan a menu, buy food, bring tableware, find time. He had planned this at personal expense. He had put real thought into setting-up a dinner for him and Adam.  This wasn’t some off-the-cuff idea. The only improvised part about this was inviting Adam himself. And to think, Adam thought Kenny only wanted to Netflix and chill. 

“I, uh, I got you these,” Adam stammered. He held out the flowers to Kenny. “Just, a housewarming, gift, I guess for — for you.”

“Oh, you did, thank you, Cowboy,” Kenny smiled, he took the bouquet from Adam. He hesitated, awkwardly gripping the plastic casing of the flowers. 

“I guess, you can put it in some water?” Adam suggested. He scratched at the back of his head. 

“Yeah, right, good idea,” Kenny nodded, he stepped back from Adam, lingered for a second, and then headed to the kitchen. 

Adam followed Kenny and while Kenny tore through the cabinets in search of a vase, Adam took a second look. Beside the stove were three white bowls with flour, eggs, and panko crumbs. On the burner sat a large, cast-iron pot filled several inches deep with cooking oil. A thermometer rested beside the burner. Kenny exclaimed, “ah-ha,” When he came up with a vase. He filled it with water and settled the flowers in. Brow furrowed he poked a couple daisies upright. Kenny set the vase with the flowers in the middle of the table, as an impromptu centerpiece.

“There, that livens-up the place,” Kenny said, putting his hands on his hips. He smiled at Adam and the ocean, through the windows behind him, framed his face. His eyes bluer than the sea and Adam only just noticed he didn’t have his glasses on. Instead, the glasses were hooked in the pocket of his blazer. Adam was invited here, talking with Kenny, about to have dinner, and his trepidation only grew.

“Is this all for us?” Adam asked, he leaned against the kitchen doorway and shoved his hand in his pocket. With his other he gestured broadly at everything. 

“Yeah, I thought it would be nice?” Kenny admitted, it was his turn to shrug. “Just us, for once. We haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together recently and there's some, some things I wanted to talk to you about. Stuff that's— that's better here maybe than at Daily’s Place. Is it too much?”

Kenny looked bashful, his smile soft, peering at Adam, his hand working over the back of a chair. It was nervous and sweet, open in a way that Adam hadn’t seen in months. Words were hard, but pushing off the doorpost and walking over to Kenny was easier. For a second, Adam’s hands hovered between them, and then he hooked his fingers beneath Kenny’s lapel. Kenny giggled and rested his forehead against Adam’s, his breath tickling Adam’s bottom lip. 

“It’s perfect,” Adam murmured. He untangled from Kenny’s jacket and slid his hands down Kenny’s sides until Adam held his hips. Adam pushed his palms against the jut of Kenny's bone, “What's for dinner, chef Kenny?”

Kenny giggled and gripped at Adam’s hands. “Well, I was thinking,” he glanced back at the kitchen, “I’d make us Tonkatsu, you know, those pork cutlets you get in Japan, with the breading and cabbage? I haven’t had any in a while and it’s one of my favorite dishes. And I ordered sushi, and dessert, from a couple local places—”

“So, you’re cooking?” Adam asked, he quirked an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, what’s so bad about that? I can cook,” Kenny protested. He pulled back from Adam and moved into the kitchen. Adam returned to his position by the doorpost as Kenny rummaged in the fridge. He pulled-out a bag of plastic boxes and then a platter of salted pork. Kenny rolled his eyes, “Don’t tell me you’re afraid I’ll burn it? I promise only a little singe, for flavor. I mean it’s Tonkatsu, grade school children can make it.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Adam laughed, he lifted his hands to placate Kenny. “It’s just, you never hit me as the cooking type. Order in and dine-out always seemed more your style.”

Kenny stuck his tongue out at Adam. He laughed though and turned the stove on to heat the oil. The plastic bag crinkled as Kenny sorted through small platters of elegant sushi and laid each on the counter. “We can eat this while the oil heats. I wish I had a nicer serving tray but I didn’t think to bring one, and this house doesn’t have one— I looked. Oh, and I don’t know how you feel about it, but I got some sake too. It’s in the fridge. Do you like it hot? I’ve never had it, so, I don’t know what’s better.”

“Man, I don’t even know,” Adam said. He never liked the flavor of sake —too dry for his taste— so he’d let the discussion drop and hope that was better than rejecting Kenny’s offer. Adam walked over to help Kenny carry the sushi to the table. “I got you milk, though, two percent. I uh— put it in the fridge.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Kenny smiled.  

While Kenny removed the covers from the sushi, Adam fetched his meager contributions to the meal. He returned with the gallon of milk and an IPA. Adam poured Kenny a tall glass of milk and Kenny poured Adam’s beer. Teeth buried in his bottom lip, like this task was monumental, Kenny dumped the bottle into the glass. By the time the bubbles fizzed down, Adam’s ‘beer’ was mostly air. It was the thought that counted and Kenny looked pleased. Before sitting down himself, Kenny pulled-out Adam’s chair for him. Adam muttered his thanks and sat down. Kenny took his place on the opposite side of the table and used his chopsticks to divvy up the sushi pieces between them. 

“Where’d you get this?” Adam asked. 

“Sushiko, a small place by the river, Cody recommended it,” Kenny said. “It’s a nice little restaurant and we’re by the coast so the seafood is fresh. I mean it’s not really, authentic, but that’s hard to get in America anyway.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be good,” Adam countered. “Do you want the ginger?”

“Nah, you can have it,” Kenny said, to punctuate his point he picked up a heap of the ginger and plopped it onto Adam’s plate. “Do you remember how to use the chopsticks? It hasn’t been that long since you were last in Japan, right?”

“I order take-out once a month to keep my skills sharp,” Adam promised. He picked-up the chopsticks by his plate. Then, took the ends and stuck them beneath his top lip like a walrus, “Goes like this right?”

Kenny laughed, hand lifting to cover his mouth as his shoulders shook with racks of giggles. Adam smiled and wiped off his chopsticks with his napkin. It was the kinda joke he’d crack when he was ten, on the rare occasion his parents took the family out to eat. His sister would find it hilarious, his father and mother less so. Yet, it seemed to amuse Kenny to no end, and all that bashful shyness was gone when the laughter subsided. 

“Yeah, close enough,” Kenny said, waving his hand. “Here you should try the tempura roll, it’s my favorite of all the inaccurate American sushis.”

Kenny picked up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and offered it over the table for Adam to try. Adam didn’t point out that he already had a piece of that type on his plate. He only leaned forward and opened his mouth so Kenny could feed him the sushi. Adam bit down and savored the taste of shrimp, rice, and crunchy breading. 

“It’s good,” he said, nodding and humming his approval.

“Isn’t it?” Kenny asked, he jammed a roll with avocado in his mouth and grinned, pleased. “It’s kinda cliché, but I love this stuff.” 

Adam took a sip from his beer to wash down the rice gummed behind his teeth.

“I’ve always meant to ask,” Kenny said, he pointed with his chopsticks at the beer. “Do you... like that stuff?”

“Beer? Yeah, pretty well, it’s not my favorite drink,” Adam admitted. He ate another piece of sushi and chewed through his thoughts. “It has to be a good beer, the cheap crap isn’t worth the calories. Pleases the hell out of a crowd though.”

“Yeah, don’t you have to drive back?” Kenny’s brow furrowed. 

Adam laughed, “A beer or two isn’t going to send me over, Kenny. It's not like liquor, it's a much lower alcohol content. I probably won't even feel the buzz, especially drinking on food. By the time I leave, I'll be close to zero. I try to keep track of my limits these days, and you know, it’s hard to be no carb and take shots.”

“Trainers got you on no carb?” Kenny asked, with a lifted brow. It was a quick change of topic and Adam appreciated the tact. 

“Yeah, have been for a while now, it’s probably better that way,” Adam shrugged. “You know not all of us shred fat like you.”

“Well, that’s not so easy these days,” Kenny admitted. “Not all of us are as young as you.”

“Hey, a few months and I’ll be thirty,” Adam pointed-out. “Or like, twenty-four by Cody’s metric, something like that.”

“You can’t say that being youngest wasn’t a good shake,” Kenny said. “You never had to pay for anything.”

“Just all the ribbing,” Adam grinned.

Adam popped some ginger in his mouth and waggled his eyebrows for emphasis. Kenny was all grins and the smiles were a relief. This wasn’t a total cluster fuck and Adam hadn’t said something to screw-up the mood. This was going much better than his anxiety allowed him to anticipate. A pause to eat lulled the conversation to a brief silence. Yet, Adam could tell by the way Kenny studied his Philadelphia roll, there was something on his mind. 

“So, uh, last night,” Kenny said, he placed his elbow on the table. “Did you sign a contract with Matt Hardy? Did I interpret that segment correctly? I was preparing for my match so I wasn’t really paying attention, but—”

Adam paused, chopsticks halfway to his mouth, and then he grinned. “I did.”

“Did you read that contract?” Kenny probed. “Listen, I know you and Hardy go back but I’m not sure you should trust that guy, Page. He’s a bit of a carny— I mean his gimmick is ‘Big Money Matt.’ That has got to be a warning sign. I know Matt and Nick brought him in by burying his vessel or whatever, but he’s changed a lot since the Stadium Stampede. He’s got the whole, I guess split personality thing going on?”

“Oh, I read the contract I signed,” Adam nodded. He savored the taste of a Dragon roll, fishy and popping with acidity. “Hardy didn’t, but I did.”

“Oh, really,” Kenny waxed, he pressed his finger tips to his chin. “Something you wanna fill me in on?”

“Yeah, I switched the contracts,” Adam said. 

Kenny gasped, “You switched the contracts?! Oh, ho, Page, I knew you were smart, brilliant, tell me everything.”

“Well, I knew he was going to invite me to a bar, because he said so on Twitter,” Adam began. “Like, you said, I’ve known Matt for a while and he’s always been a dick. He was talking all about how I’m going to be some great star or the ‘top guy’ in AEW, or whatever, some bullshit, but I kinda figured his plan was to get me drunk and willing to sign something stupid.”

He leaned back in his chair, sipping on his beer and thinking. Adam couldn’t get why every other manager in AEW was salivating at the idea of getting him on their payroll. The Dark Order was trying to recruit him. Taz was talking about him. Matt Hardy seemed to think Adam was the second coming of Jesus. Adam assumed that he was so sought after because the actual best wrestler in AEW was already spoken-for. And Jon Moxley wasn’t the type to tolerate companionship. So, that left Adam Page. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. 

“So, I uh, had a little something prepared for him,” Adam shrugged. “I don’t think he’s figured it out yet, so like, don’t go spreading it around? Snitches get stitches, Kenny, and I mean it.”

“My lips are sealed,” Kenny promised. He pantomimed zipping-up his mouth, locking it, and throwing away the key. He leaned forward, hand bracing against the table. “But really, what was in the contract?’

“You wanna know?” Adam asked. 

“Yeah, I wanna know!” Kenny said. 

“Well, I’m not going to tell you,” Adam smirked. “You’ll just have to find-out with Matt Hardy and everyone else. I don’t wanna pop the surprise.”

“Aw, Pizz, you’re killing me, now that’s all I’m going to think about for the rest of the night!” Kenny laughed, he deflated into his chair. Then he bounced back, livened with an idea. “Oh, I know, you made it so you get a third of his merch sales? A half?! Man, that’s brutal. Ooh, I know what you should’ve done, what I would do? Make him your butler for a few weeks, that would be funny.”

Adam chuckled, cheeks flushed with amusement. All he did was shake his head and keep his mouth shut. Kenny gave-up, lifting his hands in a gesture of peace. While they ate, Kenny talked about the Women’s Title Eliminator tournament and all that went into organizing it. He seemed excited to debut the woman’s bracket next week. He promised that he had seen the matches, and they were, “fantastic.” In particular he was ecstatic about Aja Kong and Yuka progressing. Adam had no idea who Maki Itoh was beyond her Twitter, but Kenny was adamant she get a contract at some point. On his part Adam was happy to sit back —long after polishing off his own plate— and listen to Kenny, occasionally interjecting a question or an affirming, “mhm.” Eventually, Kenny got around to eating his last piece of sushi. His eyes darted beyond Adam’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet to go check on the oil. 

Adam turned in his seat to watch Kenny in the kitchen. He was eyeing a thermometer dipped in the pot. Pleased with the temperature, he moved to start working with the meat. Kenny used a skewer to dip a pork cutlet into the flour, then egg, then back into the flour. Adam cleared the sushi plates from the table. He rinsed them in the sink. He cleaned a few other dishes, cutting boards, and knives, listening to Kenny complain about getting flour on his fingers. Adam put the dishes on the rack and dried his hands on a towel. He wandered to Kenny’s side. Kenny had coated two cutlets in panko crumbs and the breaded meat sat on a plate ready to go. He fiddled with the thermometer, brow furrowed in concentration. He adjusted the temperature on the stove and then gripped the pot handle to center it on the burner. He hissed when his hand touched hot metal. Kenny stuck his finger in his mouth. 

“Hot,” he breathed to Adam. 

“Yeah, no shit, go rinse it under the cold water,” Adam ordered. “Are you okay?”

“Just my pride,” Kenny said, as he ran his finger under the faucet and washed his hands of flour. “I thought I was going to be so cool, making Tonkatsu for you, and you’d be like, ‘wow, look at Kenny be a boss in the kitchen,’ and now I’m just kinda—”

He returned to the stove and looked at the simmering oil with particular trepidation. 

“Now, I’m just kinda nervous,” he admitted, smiling again. “Like, I don’t want to fuck this up and ruin the evening, or something.”

“Do you want help?” Adam asked.

“How heroic,” Kenny pined. “A cowboy come to save me.”

“Yeah, yeah, mostly I just don’t want the food burned,” Adam said, stepping to Kenny’s side. He nudged his hip against Kenny’s and picked-up a skewer. The task was simple, pick-up the two pieces of meat and plunge them into the boiling oil. Yet, when Adam did it, Kenny looked at him like he did something astounding. Adam handed the tongs to Kenny, “you can flip them on your own, right?”

“Pfft, I got that,” Kenny bragged, taking the utensil from Adam. He positioned himself, watching as bubbles formed around the meat. The panko browned to an appetizing gold. As the meat cooked, it exuded juices that caused the oil to spit. Kenny yelped, when some struck his arm, shifting behind Adam. “Unless it fights back?!”

“Aren’t you the guy who fought a G1 with a fractured heel?!” Adam snapped. “Don’t be a baby, it’s just oil, it’s not going to bite you! Get in there.”

Kenny patted Adam’s shoulder and shifted to plunge the tongs into the oil. He flipped both pieces of meat. Although, he held the tongs at the furthest extent to avoid oil splatter. Adam placed his hand on the small of Kenny’s back to hold him steady as they waited the last minute for the meat to finish. It was such a simple gesture but Kenny’s nerves seemed to evaporate under his touch. Kenny fished out the cutlets and placed them diagonally on a draining rack. The cooking done, Kenny kicked Adam out of the kitchen while he finished the rest of the meal. Adam returned to the dining table, sat down, and enjoyed his beer. The soothing melody of Kenny banging around behind him as background noise. 

A few minutes later, Kenny placed a plate in front of Adam. The cutlet had been sliced thin and fanned across the edge of the plate. A generous heap of shredded cabbage piled in the middle garnished with a slice of tomato and lemon. On the side were pickled radishes. The colors popped and the meat smelled delicious. Kenny laid a small container of pouring sauce between them on the table. Kenny sat down with his own plate across from Adam.

“This is so— great, Kenny,” Adam breathed, looking over the food. He picked-up his chopsticks and dove in for the Tonkatsu. It was juicy and savory, with a nice crunch. Adam groaned, “It tastes fantastic.”

“Thanks, I was worried about overcooking it, but with you at my side, it was easy,” Kenny said, he smiled. He poured some sauce on his cutlet. “We make a great team.” 

Adam focused on pinching some cabbage between his chopsticks, eyes casting down to the plate. “Yeah, I— I guess we do.”

“Hey, it was just an observation,” Kenny said, he nudged Adam’s foot under the table with his own. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

“No, no, it’s fine,” Adam said. He took a sip of beer but didn’t taste it. “You’re right, I was just thinking— I’ve tagged with a lot of people lately, and none of them are like you. You really are the best.”

“That’s sweet, cowboy,” Kenny grinned, but Adam sensed the need to change the conversation. Mourning the tag-team wasn’t uplifting for either of them. 

“So, where did you learn to make this?” Adam asked. He gestured at the Tonkatsu. “’Cause it’s really good. Not going to lie, that’s what I miss about Japan— the food. They just don’t have the same, I don’t know, style? Yeah, style, in America.���

“Well, I learned from one of the ladies I stayed with when I first moved to Japan in, 2008, well, kinda learned,” Kenny elaborated. He shrugged, “mostly I just watched her cook and sometimes she let me help. She always did the bits with the oil because she was afraid I’d burn myself. My Japanese wasn’t good back then but I’m pretty sure she thought I was just an idiot.”

“I mean, you can be a bit,” Adam paused. Kenny pressed his lips thin, so he picked his next word carefully, “ditzy?”

“I’ll give you that,” Kenny said. “I wouldn’t trust me around a big pot of boiling oil either. You handled yourself pretty well in there, though.”

“Deep fried is a staple food in the rural south," Adam said. "It's a survival skill, where I'm from. It's okay, Kenny, you can kick my ass Street Fighter, later, so that way we're even."

The conversation slowed so they could finish eating. Just the sounds of chewing and chopsticks clacking. It was good, the cabbage contrasting to the meat, and the sauce adding a hint of sweetness. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfy silence, Adam wasn't looking for an excuse to breach it. It was just them, together, enjoying the mutual company. When Adam finished eating, just to gross out Kenny, he picked up his plate and licked it clean. The gesture had the intended effect of making Kenny screw-up his nose and expression. Adam took his last swig of beer and then carried both their plates to the sink. Adam helped Kenny tidy-up the kitchen. Adam washed the dishes and Kenny dried, putting the plates away on the shelves. They moved around each other like this was something they did every night. Yet, each time Kenny’s elbow jostled Adam or he moved a step closer, a warm heat spread across Adam’s skin. It was dark outside when they finished and Kenny turned on lights in the house to illuminate the rooms. 

“You up for cake, cowboy?” Kenny asked as he returned. He took a box out from the fridge and finagled the lid open. Inside the box was a small, white cake decorated with vanilla icing, raspberries, and fancy swirls. Kenny smacked Adam’s hand away when he tried to taste the frosting. 

"Ow," Adam grunted. He cradled his hand to his chest.

“I didn’t really know what you liked, but everyone likes vanilla, so I figured I couldn't go wrong,” Kenny admitted as he took the cake out of the box. Adam got plates and a knife to cut with. Kenny stuck his tongue out as he sliced into the cake. It was obnoxiously cute. He pointed with the knife, “Is this big enough?”

“That’ll do it,” Adam said.

 Kenny sliced the cake and put a piece on a plate that he handed to Adam, then cut his own piece. The inner filling of the cake was a bright red raspberry and Adam hummed, eager. to try Kenny took a fork and cut off a small piece of his cake slice. He offered the morsel to Adam. Once again, Adam let Kenny feed him. It was sweet, with a delicate crumb, and acidic with the fruit. Kenny opened his mouth, making an ‘ah’ sound, to indicate he wanted Adam to return the gesture. Adam obliged, watching with fascination as Kenny’s lips closed around the fork. A speck of icing trapped at the corner of his mouth. Before he could stop himself, Adam leaned forward and kissed it off— grinning all the way back as Kenny’s cheeks flushed. 

“You remember when we tricked that waitress into giving us free cake?” Kenny asked. His eyes lit-up, to divert his attention though, he glanced down for another bite. “That was— fun.”

“I don’t think we tricked anybody,” Adam laughed. "I think the waitress knew what was up the whole damn time."

“What, we weren’t a convincing couple?” Kenny asked. The question so earnest, his voice so soft, that Adam almost dropped his plate. Deep in Kenny's eyes hid a kernel of curious probing. Like he was testing the waters. Wading-out waist high in a surging tide.

“I— um, I guess we were.” Adam ducked his head, but Kenny shoved at his shoulder and the tension dissipated. 

“I’m just teasing you, Hangers,” he laughed. “Eat your cake, before I do. Hey, I know, why don’t we go sit outside? C’mon.”

Kenny had already split off and so that settled it. Adam got a beer from the fridge and followed Kenny out the back door. At the edge of the pool was a small sitting area with chairs and a couch. The ocean crashed against the shore, loud and echoing in Adam's inner-ear. He felt the tide wearing away the sand in his teeth. Kenny sat down on the couch, tossing his phone on the coffee table. He crossed his legs up and finished off his cake. Adam joined him on the other side of the couch. They remarked on the flavors of the cake and speculated if the icing was cream cheese or not. Finished eating, Kenny put his plate down and lounged back against the cushions. 

Adam studied Kenny’s profile. His straight nose and angular jaw, the untamed stubble on his cheeks. His lips pink with red raspberries. In red and black, he looked marvelous. The wind tussling his curls. And his eyes, so scarce these days, holding every emotion Adam hoped to see reflected in them. Adam’s heart collided with the inside of his ribs. He took his last bite of cake and put aside the dishes. Then, for courage, he swigged on his beer and set that aside too. He leaned into the cushions, adjusting a pillow underneath his right elbow. 

“Hey,” he said, voice coarse and weak, the word lost to the ocean. Kenny looked at him, hearing him anyway, and Adam opened his arms wide, “What are you doing over there? Get your ass over here.”

Kenny slid over until he leaned against Adam’s side. Adam swung his legs up onto the couch and pulled Kenny against his chest. Kenny settled between his legs and Adam draped his arm over Kenny’s back. Something dislodged in Adam’s lungs and he breathed easy for the first time in months. Kenny sighed and pressed his cheek to Adam’s collarbone. His hand ran over Adam’s bicep. Adam reached over Kenny, picked-up his beer, and took another casual swig. Part of him regretted the alcohol because now his breath must smell like beer and cake. The other part of him needed it to function in this moment. 

Adam drew broad circles between Kenny’s shoulder blades, feeling each hard muscle, defined and strong beneath his hand. Kenny was warm in contrast to the cool night, like a little personal heater. Adam chuckled, content as he leaned back against the arm rest. Kenny turned his face into Adam’s chest and buried his nose into Adam’s shirt. He shuddered in Adam’s arms, a full body tremble working all the way down his spine. Adam lifted his hand to work his fingers through Kenny’s hair and curls. A little coarser now since he dyed it, black and silver. Adam didn’t know what else to say or think, or do. Didn’t know if this was Kenny using him for comfort or something more. If he was supposed to read between the lines, look for the fine text, or just be a quiet and good pillow. Maybe, he'd just pretend that the way Kenny clung to him was because of love. 

“I like your hair like this,” Adam mused. He ran his fingers through Kenny’s scalp. It was an easier question than: why did you bring me here? What do you want from me? What are we? 

“Thanks,” Kenny muttered. He turned his cheek to press against Adam’s chest. Adam considered that an improvement. 

“Are you okay?” He managed. 

Kenny sighed, shoulders heaving. He wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and cinched in, holding him close. It was the total experience of being owned. That Adam was Kenny’s to have and hold onto. It was possessive in a way that thrilled Adam. That there were seven billion people on this planet and he was the one Kenny Omega invited to a rented house for dinner. Adam was the one who got to hold Kenny Omega, not anyone else. Adam was the one Kenny Omega wanted to be held by. It had to mean something. He wanted it to mean something. Please, let it mean something. 

“It’s just,” Kenny whispered. His voice soft, but Adam carded his fingers through Kenny’s hair to encourage each word forth. “Sometimes, I realize one day I could die. I could just disappear and the world would be none the wiser. There’s be no one to miss me and that— that terrifies me more than death itself.”

Then, Kenny laughed, shaking his head, giggling like he said something funny. Not something that Adam had no idea how to react to. Every word of it raised a protest inside Adam though. That he cared, that he would notice, that he would be devastated to lose Kenny. That he lost Kenny once and he had no intentions of ever doing it again. Except, Adam had no idea how to say all that in a way that made sense. When he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out but a huff of carbon dioxide. Kenny tensed, feeling Adam’s diaphragm tighten. It was as if Adam’s anxiety infused and intertwined with Kenny's, into something ugly between them. Adam could just hold Kenny tighter and that would make Kenny understand. Hold so tight to Kenny that he couldn’t leave, couldn’t go anywhere, and they’d just fit together, and it’d work. 

Except, Adam was no longer so young and stupid as to believe that would work. It wasn’t enough to ask Kenny, ‘do you trust me,’ when he already breached that trust. Adam couldn’t hold on alone, they had to meet in the middle. These things had to be mutual. This was a two street and Adam had no idea if Kenny was walking towards him or away. He was just a blur in the distance that he was chasing like hell. As if, when he caught Kenny, he’d get the answers to the questions he was too afraid to ask. 

Kenny shifted, pushing back against Adam and the awkward silence between them. The silence Adam let linger too long. He wondered if just screaming would work better than this. Kenny sat-up, and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. He clung to one of Adam’s hands like it was a life raft in the middle of that ocean out there. They sat thigh-to-thigh, hip-to-hip. Maybe, that’s how Adam felt, like Kenny was drowning and all he could do was yell advice from the shoreline. 

“Look,” Kenny began, he licked his lips. He stared at where their knees touched. Adam could feel Kenny's pulse fluttering beneath his fingers. “There’s something I gotta tell you.”

Kenny giggled again, shoulders shaking and Adam had no idea what the joke was. He placed his other, free hand on Kenny’s shoulder. 

“I set all of this up to tell you, but I— I don’t know what to say,” He admitted. He shook his head and squeezed Adam’s hand. 

“Whatever, whatever you feel, man,” Adam offered, lamely. “You know I’m here for you.”

“Look—” Kenny began.

He looked-up, gunmetal blue eyes matching Adam’s gaze. The warm glow from the house burned his cheeks gold and he shivered. Kenny was scared, the thought hit Adam like a gunshot. Terrified, looking at Adam, like Adam was going to hurt him. Like a whipped dog anticipating being taken out back.  

“Adam, I—”  he began, then a sharp chime cut him off.

Both Kenny and Adam looked down at Kenny’s phone on the coffee table. Don Callis, calling Kenny, the phone vibrating against the glass. Kenny withdrew his hand, untangling from Adam, scooting away. Like, he'd been burned and scalded, like he just put his hand back on that pot handle and this time gripped tight. “I’m not— I’m not going to answer it. I— I told him I’d be busy,” Kenny stammered, his hands working through his hair. There was a bite to his tone that set Adam’s heart on fire. “I don’t know why he’s calling me he should know.”

As Kenny’s pitch hitched and his voice cracked, Adam lunged forward to hit the decline button on the phone. The phone stopped ringing and Kenny sighed, his face stricken pale. Adam himself breathed for the first time in almost a minute, slowly leaning back into the couch. His hands rested on his knees. The ocean crashed and receded. 

“He can leave a damn voice mail,” Adam managed, cracking a half-grin but when he looked at Kenny it was not returned. Instead, Adam met wild eyes and a pale face, white with fear. In a few seconds it calmed, the war raging in Kenny dying down as he glanced away from Adam. As Adam watched Kenny pulled the glasses-free from his front pocket and shoved them on his face. He licked his lips, jaw working tight. “Kenny, is everything okay?”

“Fine, it’s fine, I’m fine,” Kenny repeated, his hands rubbed over his thighs. “I’m not— I’m not going to keep you, you can go. It was— It was fun tonight, thanks.”

Kenny lifted and waved his hand as if to dismiss Adam. Adam’s felt his temper go through the roof, just a moment of complete rage that calmed immediately. There were no words, just screaming like if he opened his mouth, a long drawn howl would escape instead of anything coherent. And that was the best he could do to express the emotions in his head. His teeth gritted and Adam rubbed his hands through his hair, trying to clear out the thoughts from his head. 

“No, wait, Kenny what did you want to tell me?” Adam asked. “What were you trying to say before Don called?”

“All, I wanted to do was just tell you that— that,” Kenny stuttered, and Adam had no faith that what came out of his mouth next was the truth. “That you can always talk to me if you need it. That, that I’m here for you, Page, and like, that you don’t need to go signing stupid contracts with Matt Hardy, but you didn’t so, it’s really not a problem. You— you didn’t need me.”

“Is that it?” Adam asked, he glanced around the house. Thought of the sushi and the home-cooked meal. Of cake and Kenny dressing nice just for Adam. “You did all this, just to tell me that? Are you sure that’s what you wanted to tell me?”

“What do you think?” Kenny asked, he peered at Adam. The glasses and his expression were like a brick wall. Impassive, unreadable, and drawing Adam to a total stop. Adam’s stomach twisted, lips parted in unvoiced confusion. Adam couldn’t answer the question because he was afraid of what Kenny thought. Kenny didn't love him, Kenny didn't care, Kenny was using him.

 “Seriously, Page, I’m fine— you can leave if you want,” Kenny repeated. “It was fun tonight.”

“No, no, no, Kenny,” Adam interjected. “No, I’m not just leaving, I’m not going anywhere until I get some damn answers about what the hell is going on. I’ve been out of my mind for months trying to figure us— this, out.  It ain’t even just about what you did to Moxley or any of the other crap. I was with you in Japan, I know how you are. Excalibur may be scandalized but I was there when you won the Intercontinental title off Tanahashi. I know how it goes. What gets me, is that you hadn’t done that shit since Japan. Ever since Don Callis came back you’ve been acting weird and I think by this point I deserve some damn answers.”

“Okay, fine, fine, what do you want to know?” Kenny demanded. He crossed his arms over his stomach. “I am an open book.”

“It’s just, I don’t know—” Adam stumbled over his words, the real questions getting in the way of the ones he could actually ask. What are we? So, instead, he stumbled-on, “Are you sure you can trust Don?”

“Of course, I can,” Kenny scoffed. “We’re changing the business Adam, changing the world, history! All those solid steel doors, those arbitrary barriers in our sport? They’re gone now! Impact, New Japan, NWA, Stardom, they’re all clamoring to get a spot on our show. We are the hottest thing in wrestling, not WWE, us. Tony Khan, the Bucks, and Cody, the whole locker room, they should be thanking us, we’re giving them jobs, improving their pay checks, and what do we get?! Just like you said, Excalibur on commentary with a bad attitude. No one else shares my vision, no one else gets it, not like Don does.”

Kenny shook his head, curls flopping around. He spoke fast, quickly, trying to get to the next words as soon as possible. 

“I thought that was all bullshit,” Adam admitted. “Just shit Don was making-up to justify taking the title.”

“Page, please!” Kenny said, his hand fluttering in Adam’s direction. “We’ve been planning something like this for years. This isn’t a mere money-making scheme, Don isn’t like Matt Hardy. And yeah, maybe that means I can’t be around Matt and Nick as much anymore, maybe the locker room hates me, maybe I’m not as popular with the audience— big deal. They’ll come around, they always come around, they’ll realize how much I’ve done for them. People change, this is— this is bigger than any one person.”

“Oh, Don isn’t like Matt Hardy?” Adam asked, he lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

Kenny pushed to his feet and Adam stood too. Kenny’s hands fluttered around and something flexed in his jaw like he was chewing on sand. His voice was darker, biting with anger as he shook his finger at Adam. “Don’t even start with me, Page, about who to trust. We both know your track record.”

“Matt Hardy doesn’t give a shit about me,” Adam stated. Kenny stepped-in like it was a warning, but Adam squared his shoulders and with a look wilted Kenny. Adam took sick satisfaction in the inch or two of height he had. To lift his chin, and stand his ground. “And Don Callis doesn’t give a shit about you.”

“Don is like family to me,” Kenny snapped, his finger jutted into Adam’s face, his voice lifting in pitch and volume. Adam couldn’t remember if they ever got to this point with each other, yelling. No, he remembered some shoves in the ring. “He cares about me. I know he does. I’ve known him since I was a child, Page. It’s not the same thing.”

Adam worked his teeth into his bottom lips. He placed his hand on his hips and glanced towards the ocean. Black and churning, the waves thrown in turmoil, rolling, clawing-up the beach to high tide. Adam let himself feel the wind in his hair and his pounding heart. He glanced back at Kenny. 

Back in the day, Biz Cliz days, the Bullet Club, and the Elite was Kenny’s family. They were the ones who looked after him after matches. They were the ones who fetched ice or hot packs for his injuries. They were the ones at ringside. The ones in his tag-teams. The ones who helped him pick-out clothes or get in his ring gear. Adam thought they were family and he had fought like hell for that family. Scrabbled to keep the little niche of home he’d found, that place he belonged. He spared a thought, that something had gone wrong, terribly wrong. So wrong, that Kenny, went to someone else instead of his family. FTR, the Dark Order, Matt Hardy, the Good Brothers, Don, all these side distractions instead of the stable that cared about them. Egos blew-up, friendships faded, but it took more than a couple of arguments to break the Elite. There was a looming specter, sticking his fingers in the crack. Adam may’ve left the Elite but he always thought there’d be something to go back to. He never thought his absence would unravel his friends— never dreamed it. 

He didn’t even think they’d notice he was gone. 

“Does your family usually hit you with a microphone?” Adam asked. 

Kenny’s lips parted, his jaw falling slack. His shoulders drooped and then he rubbed his hand beneath the rims of his glasses. He crossed his arms, gaze turning downwards. Adam’s hands fell to his sides, feeling that the fight was over. Kenny shook his head as if to physically dislodge Adam’s words from his skull. Kenny was a fighter, he was a leader, he was a crazy visionary, who did his own thing. He always had an argument in him. He always kicked-out. He fought sixty minute matches against Okada. The way he capitulated in defeat here and now was fascinating because it was so against him. It was like Adam pushed back and found nothing but dust. That he had glanced back over his shoulder and suddenly Kenny had turned to salt. A pillar of salt, crumbling in Adam’s hands. A divine and cruel trick, stealing from him what he most desired, at the last possible second. 

Adam sighed, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. Then, Kenny lurched forward and pressed his forehead into Adam’s shoulder. Adam closed his eyes and reached-up to tangle his fingers back in Kenny’s hair. He worked out a knot and then smoothed his palm down Kenny’s back. Kenny trembled against him, fingers twisted in Adam’s shirt. It was a desperate grip, like this attention and concern was foreign to Kenny. Like he was starved and Adam supposed that made sense because this didn’t feel like something Don Callis would do. Because Don Callis didn't care about Kenny. He wouldn't take care of Kenny, not like his friends would— like they were supposed to. They had failed Kenny and so he went to someone else. (They had failed Adam and so he had went to someone else). Adam hummed, low in his throat, and buried his nose in Kenny’s hair. He smelled of cologne and sea salt, and everything Adam missed. 

“Forget about Don,” Adam said. “I— I shouldn’t’ve said that, it’s none of my damn business.”

“I just don’t want to fight with you,” Kenny admitted. “I don’t— I don’t deserve you, Page.”

“Nah, don’t say that,” Adam shook his head. “Because if you were gone, you know I’d miss you, right? I ain’t got that many friends left, Kenny. You’re special to me.”

“Charmer,” Kenny grunted. 

“Can’t coast on just my good looks, you know,” Adam chuckled. He wrapped both his arms around Kenny and drew him tighter. Knowing that he was being used. Knowing that they were no closer now than they were before. “Gotta have some personality.”

“Hmm, but you are good-looking,” Kenny agreed. His hands smoothed down Adam’s side, unabashed in feeling the muscles and curves of his waist. “You’re very handsome, cowboy.”

Adam chuckled as Kenny wrapped his arms around him. It felt good to be needed. Good to be wanted and held. To be possessed by someone. Adam wanted Kenny to own him. But, he wasn’t sure if it was real or if Adam was just here, and hot, and it worked. 

“I can stay,” Adam murmured. “Just one night, you and me, like— like in the hotel.” 

“You— you want to?” Kenny asked. He pulled from Adam to look at him, or rather let Adam look at his glasses. “I have an extra toothbrush.”

“Good, because all my shit is at the hotel,” Adam said, flashing a grin. 

Adam tapped Kenny on the back to urge him back inside. Adam carried in the plates and his mostly undrunk beer. At the kitchen sink, he chugged a few big gulps and poured the rest of the alcohol down the drain. Adam rinsed and cleaned the dishes, while Kenny finished tidying-up behind him. The domesticity was intoxicating, giving Adam more of a buzz than the beer. It was deceptive too. For a second, Adam could pretend they did this little ritual every night. Clean-up after dinner, put-away all the dishes, and then, turn off the kitchen lights, head for bed. As Adam followed Kenny down the hall to the master bedroom, he rubbed the sweat off his palms and onto his pants legs. 

The master bedroom had a large bed, a couch, desk and chair, and a TV on a stand. A sliding door connected to the back patio outside. Airy, light blue curtain hung over the windows and glass. The walls were painted white and the bedding was blue. The typical beach decor was as bland as the rest of the house. Kenny rummaged around in a suitcase, left on a couch with a few stray articles of clothes on the cushions. He procured a set of soft fabric shorts and tossed them to Adam. 

“I don’t sleep in pajamas like you do, Pizz,” Kenny said. His early energy was gone and he said all of it like it was a statement of fact. Adam didn't doubt Kenny's ability to put on a show though. Even if he felt like shit he'd find a way to hide it. “So, you’ll just have to do with my work-out clothes. I washed them, I promise.”

“Are you going to sleep in your X-men undies again?” Adam teased. Kenny found a toothbrush but instead of handing it to Adam, he chucked it at Adam’s head. Adam caught the flung toothbrush with a clap of his hands. “Hey, I like Wolverine!”

“No, for the record I wore briefs this time,” Kenny said. He shrugged off his blazer and smiled softly, almost regretfully. “I came prepared.”

Adam stepped around the edge of the room, watching as Kenny peeled off his shirt. He’d seen Kenny shirtless a thousand times. He could map each expanse and stretch of muscle, the powerful curve of his back, his thick arms, and broad shoulders. This time felt special, significant, especially when Kenny glanced over his shoulder at Adam and caught him watching. Adam ducked his head and escaped into the bathroom. 

Once the door was closed behind him, he stared at himself in the mirror. Adam splashed cold water on his face and then brushed his teeth. He changed into Kenny’s shorts, used the toilet, and left, wiping his hands on the hand towel. Kenny had changed into a pair of sweat pants and he was yanking the curtains closed over the window. Adam walked-up behind him, hooked an arm around Kenny’s waist and pulling him back to his chest. 

“I’ll wait for you in bed,” Adam murmured, dipping his head to speak in Kenny’s ear. “Don’t take too long, I’m tired.” 

“Yes, sir,” Kenny chuckled. “You know, I like it when you boss me around.”

“Make sure you wash behind your ears,” Adam ordered, severely. 

Adam tapped Kenny’s hip and sent him off towards the bathroom. He turned off the bedroom lights and the nightstand lamp then slid underneath the covers of the bed. It felt like this would be easier if he didn’t have to look at Kenny. Then they wouldn’t have to face anything, just be with each other. The bed was softer than Adam was used to and he fought the mattress to roll over on his side, punching at the pillow to get it shaped right. The ocean rumbled and Adam sighed, exhaling with the tide. He heard the bathroom door open and the latch close behind Kenny. He heard each pad of Kenny’s footsteps on the carpet before the mattress dipped and Kenny slid into bed. Adam rolled over, reaching for Kenny and guiding him closer. Kenny shimmied over and Adam tucked his arm over Kenny’s side, his hand resting over Kenny’s stomach. He pressed his nose into Kenny’s neck and Kenny hooked his calf around Adam’s leg to bring them flush. Every inch of Kenny’s body pressed against Adam. Kenny laid his hand over Adam’s and intertwined their fingers. Kenny rumbled, content, then slid his foot down to put his ice cold toes on Adam’s ankle. Adam jerked, cussing, and Kenny giggled. 

Adam’s eyes fluttered closed. Kenny’s breath as gentle as the ocean. He’d been dreaming about this for months, having Kenny back here. The memory of the hotel room a poor substitute for having him under Adam’s arm. Warm, heavy, his pulse tangled with Adam’s. Adam wiggled his arm underneath Kenny and clutched him tighter. He nuzzled his nose into Kenny’s neck. Here he could say anything. Anything at all, whisper it and pretend Kenny was sleeping, and Kenny could pretend he was sleeping if he didn’t want to hear it. And it’d be like a confession, words lost to empty air, absolution offered to wash them clean. Adam opened his mouth and nothing came out. Instead his lips moved and he mouthed, “I love you.” Without uttering a single sound. Then again, “I love you.” 

“Adam,” Kenny grunted, and Adam almost panicked, wondering for a second if he had actually said those things out loud. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Adam asked, sleep dragged at his mind, making him a little dumb. 

“Staying,” Kenny said. “I know I— I freak-out on you there.”

“It's fine,” Adam whispered. “It happens. Wanna hear a crazy idea I have?”

Kenny shifted, wiggling in Adam’s arms to turn over. Adam grunted when Kenny dug his elbow into his ribs so he could leverage himself onto his opposite side. Kenny buried his face in Adam’s chest and Adam wondered if that was just how he preferred to sleep. Adam rolled onto his back and dragged Kenny with him. He let his fingers play with the ends of Kenny’s hair as the other hand interlaced with Kenny’s on his stomach. Kenny settled himself and Adam licked his lips, just stupid enough to share this crazy idea. 

“Hit me, cowboy,” Kenny ordered. 

“We leave in the morning,” Adam suggested. “I don’t know where to, maybe nowhere specific, but it’s just the two of us. Sleeping in motels, eating shit at dinners, and working the indies— making like fifty bucks a show, so there’s never enough money but we make it work. Maybe we’re a tag-team again or it’s just us in singles. We dominate the competition, earn those dumb little regional belts we used to own. No more stakes, no more crap, just— wrestling, fun as it used to be.”

“We’d be recognized,” Kenny muttered, and Adam remembered the goofy BTE bits he used to shoot down for Kenny. Poking holes in the logic or saying the joke wasn’t funny. All because he was afraid of committing to an idea. Turn about was fair play he guessed. “We could— we could wear masks.”

“You ever wrestle in a mask?” Adam asked. 

“No,” Kenny admitted.

“Sucks,” Adam grunted, “And the moment you did a One-Winged Angel, everyone would know who you are. It’d just be El Generico all over again.”

“We should go horse riding,” Kenny suggested, he yawned. “I haven’t done that in a long time.”

“Next time you’re in Virginia,” Adam promised. “I’ll take you.”

“Mhmm, maybe that should be sooner, rather than later,” Kenny smiled. He settled then and Adam shut-up so he could sleep. In a few moments Kenny breathed easily, and steadily, his eyes closed. Adam twirled a black curl around his finger, absent-minded. 

“I love you,” he said, to the empty room. An observation, a statement of fact, Adam kissed the top of Kenny’s head. This time, he whispered into those curls, “I love you.” 

And then he adjusted himself so he was comfortable in the pillows. Adam sagged, the tension bleeding out of his stiff frame like water. Kenny mumbled softly in his sleep and Adam tucked him close to his side. Thoughts twisted-up in his head, Adam drifted unconscious. Then, when his eyes opened, the room was bright, light spilling in through the thin curtain. The sea raged and the gulls cried. His arm was dead weight, asleep. Adam blinked, lifting his head. In the night, he and Kenny had shifted. Kenny’s head laid on his bicep as he slept. His hand rested on Adam’s chest, fingers crooked. Needing blood flow back in his fingers, Adam slipped his arm out from under Kenny’s head. He sat-up in the bed, careful not to jostle the mattress too much. Adam opened and closed his hand, fingertips tingling painfully. He looked down at Kenny. 

His hair was in total disarray, tangled on the pillows. A little bit of drool welled at the corner of his parted lips and he breathed rough, long, slow. Without Adam, he turned onto his side. Adam slid out of the bed. He found his jeans and changed back into his clothes. Adam stepped into his boots and returned to the kitchen. He rummaged in the fridge, the options were meager. Eggs, ketchup, cheese, milk, and luckily, a pack of bacon— probably stuff Kenny bought specifically for breakfast, based on the large container of protein powder beside the fridge. He poked through the cabinets and found the flour from last night, but also sugar, baking powder, cheap imitation vanilla, and salt. 

Adam was methodical as he cracked eggs to scramble and for pancakes. He whipped-up the batter in a bowl and found the frying pans in a lower drawer. The back burner slow-cooked bacon with a tantalizing sizzle and on a front burner, Adam cooked the pancakes. Making just enough for him and Kenny. He cleaned-up as he went, leaving dishes on the drying rack. He did the eggs last, scrambling them with cheese and pepper, when he heard the water run, indicating Kenny was up and using the bathroom. A few minutes later Kenny wandered into the kitchen, rubbing the heel of his hands over his eyes. He paused in the doorway, gaping as Adam assembled two plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

“Mornin’,” Adam grunted, as he took a knife and fork out of the drawer. He walked over to the table and sat down. 

“You made breakfast? I should invite you over more, geez,” Kenny said. He sat down with his plate. “Did you sleep, okay?”

“Not too bad,” Adam said. He watched as Kenny took a bite of eggs and grinned as Kenny moaned almost obscenely. “Was pretty nice sleeping next to you.”

“Well, cowboy, you can do that anytime you want,” Kenny promised. He tapped his fingers against the table. “So, I guess you’re heading out then?”

“Yeah, I gotta,” Adam said. “I got a seven-hour drive, training and working-out to get on, and like, I’m bleeding money paying my neighbor’s daughter to watch my dogs. But uh, this, thing, last night, it was fun? We should do it again.”

“Including the cuddling?” Kenny asked, propping his chin against his hand. He picked-up a piece of bacon between his fingers and cheekily tore a piece off. “I couldn’t agree more. Especially, if you’re going to cook like this.”

“Definitely the cuddling, you’re a pretty good hand warmer,” Adam nodded. He scrapped the last of the eggs onto his fork and polished it off with some pancake. He stood-up and took his plate to the sink while Kenny finished eating. 

Kenny followed Adam out as he returned to his car. They hugged and Adam settled into the driver seat. He recalled the inane story he spun last night, where they go back to the indies and pretended the past year didn’t happen. It wasn’t fleeting because it was impossible. It was simply too late. As Adam turned the ignition he wondered if he could convince Kenny to come back with him to North Carolina instead. Just hide there until the next Dynamite or something. Steal a little bit more time. He put the car in the reverse and let the thought die under the rear wheels. 

#ofgrief #‘The Idiot Speaking’ || OOC #‘Beloved’ || Adam and Kenny #‘Deals with God’ || Adam: Verse #i bet there's at least a few typos in this but it's in god's hands now

[katieskarlette]

Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version:  I liked it overall.  I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.  

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much.  She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world.  Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising.  Was it the best book ever?  No.  Not even the best Warcraft book ever.  But it was an enjoyable read.  It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events.  There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner.  I like that.  (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically.  Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me.  Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory.   Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine.  The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...)  Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight.  Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue:  Gayness detected on page 8!  And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted.  In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.”  That’s basically what we have here.  I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.”  Tada!  See how easy it was?  Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth.  (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now.  Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks. 

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists.  We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods.  It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals.  I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people?  I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay.  It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though.  That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough.  Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head.  What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking?  Heh. 

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg!  Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped.  The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more.  Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional. 

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though.  He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such.  Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself.  There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.”  She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.”  I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered:  "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint."  WHAT?  Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS?  I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out):  Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51:  Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar."  Awwwwwww.   There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.) 

Chapter 6:  Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths."  You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE?  I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius. 

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.”  I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7:  More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry.  Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8:  If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision.  I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother:  Remda.  Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13:  Nathanos wearing cologne?  Love it.  And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving.  So he wears cologne.  That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs:  "We'll be eaten alive."  Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies.  Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble.  Go wake up the sheriff.”  

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas.  I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that!  His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14:  Thrall's second kid is Rehze.  *blink*  Reh-zee?  Rez?  Ruh-zay?  I guess she’s not named after anyone.  After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2.  Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives.  (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name.  I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay.  Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk.  Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening.  Gunk.  LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers.  What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16:  Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17:  Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!!  Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be.  Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking.  (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind.  R.I.P.)

Chapter 18:  Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends.  It now includes Anduin.  I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case?  Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!!  GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor."  So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe.  But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22:  From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low...  Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business."  OMG leave Elling Trias alone!  He did his best!  LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal.  That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this.  Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA.  He’s a well-done gray character:  not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.) 

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got.  I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene.  I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev.  Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time.  I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande?  Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this.  She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger.  Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy.  I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now.  It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it.  I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character.  It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis.  Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy.  Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there.  In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms.  I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture.  And then it turns out Jaina was there, too.  Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern?  That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect.  Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer.  Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host.  There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight.  They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc.  But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.  

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there?  And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh.  Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas.  Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued?  Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed?  LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers.  It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship.  A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination.  That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things.  Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil.  So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him.  That’s not how I read it at all.  “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.”  She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could.  The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad.  So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me.  She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him.  People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.”  She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.”  So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.”  Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers:  “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.”  That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives.  “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred.  ‘Your timing could not be better.  Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’”  She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side.  Hell, that’s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that.  The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth.  But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.” 

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos.  Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands.  It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate.  When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant.  She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls.  She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.”  Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways:  “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.”  Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison.  Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.”  It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope.  And she can’t.  Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope.  And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know.  I get that some of the language is discouraging.  She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him.  But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong.  I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her.  This isn’t the end for them.  Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place.  I hope it’s coherent enough to follow.  I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.)  I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.

#shadows rising #shadows rising spoilers #bff princes #sylvanas x nathanos #rambling about wow

[wildeoaths]

LGBTQ Book & Film Recommendations

Hello! As someone who tries to read widely, it can sometimes be frustrating to find good (well-written, well-made) LGBTQ+ works of literature and film, and mainstream recommendations only go so far. This is my shortlist. 

Some caveats: 1) I have only watched/seen some of these, though they have all been well-received.

2) The literature list is primarily focused on adult literary and genre fiction, since that is what I mostly read, and I feel like it’s easier to find queer YA fiction. Cece over at ProblemsOfABookNerd (YT) covers a lot of newer releases and has a YA focus, so you can check her out for more recommendations.

3) There are a ton of good films and good books that either reference or discuss queer theory, LGBTQ history and literary theory. These tend to be more esoteric and academic, and I’m not too familiar with queer theory, so they’ve largely been left off the list. I do agree that they’re important, and reading into LGBTQ-coding is a major practice, but they’re less accessible and I don’t want to make the list too intimidating.

4) I linked to Goodreads and Letterboxd because that’s what I use and I happen to really enjoy the reviews.

Any works that are bolded are popular, or they’re acclaimed and I think they deserve some attention. I’ve done my best to flag potential objections and triggers, but you should definitely do a search of the reviews. DoesTheDogDie is also a good resource. Not all of these will be suitable for younger teenagers; please use your common sense and judgement.

Please feel free to chime in in the replies (not the reblogs) with your recommendations, and I’ll eventually do a reblog with the additions!

BOOKS

> YOUNG ADULT

Don’t @ me asking why your favourite YA novel isn’t on this list. These just happen to be the picks I felt might also appeal to older teens/twentysomethings.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo - poetry.

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender - trans male teen protagonist. 

Red, White & Royal Blue

Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda

The Gentleman’s Guide To Vice And Virtue

The Raven Boys (and Raven Cycle)

> LITERATURE: GENERAL

This list does skew M/M; more NB, trans and WLW recommendations are welcomed!

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. One of the most acclaimed contemporary LGBTQ novels and you’ve probably heard of it. Will probably make you cry.

A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood. Portrait of a middle-aged gay man.

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh. M/M affair, British student high society; definitely nostalgic for the aristocracy so be aware of the context.

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman. It’s somewhat controversial, it’s gay, everyone knows the film at least.

Cronus’ Children / Le Jardin d'Acclimation by Yves Navarre. Winner of the Goncourt prize.

Dancer From The Dance by Andrew Holleran. A young man in the 1970s NYC gay scene. Warning for drugs and sexual references.

Dorian, An Imitation by Will Self. Adaptation of Orscar Wilde’s novel. Warning for sexual content.

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg. Two wlw in the 1980s. Also made into a film; see below.

Gemini by Michel Tournier. The link will tell you more; seems like a very complex read. TW for troubling twin dynamics.

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. Another iconic M/M work.

Lost Boi by Sassafras Lowrey. A queer punk reimagining of Peter Pan. Probably one of the more accessible works on this list!

Lie With Me by Philippe Besson. Two teenage boys in 1980s France.

Maurice by E. M. Forster. Landmark work written in 1914. Also made into a film; see below.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. An expansive (and long) novel about the story of Cal, a hermaphrodite, by the author of The Virgin Suicides.

Orlando by Virginia Woolf. Plays with gender, time and space. Virginia Woolf’s ode to her lover Vita Sackville-West. What more do you want? (also a great film; see below).

Oscar Wilde’s works - The Picture of Dorian Gray would be the place to start. Another member of the classical literary canon.

Saga, vol.1 by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples. Graphic novel; warning for sexual content.

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinburg. An acclaimed work looking at working-class lesbian life and gender identity in pre-Stonewall America.

The Holy Innocents by Gilbert Adair. The basis for Bertolucci’s The Dreamers (2003). I am hesitant to recommend this because I have not read this, though I have watched the film; the M/M dynamic and LGBTQ themes do not seem to be the primary focus. Warning for sexual content and incestuous dynamics between the twins.

The Animals At Lockwood Manor by Jane Healey. Plays with gothic elements, set during WW2, F/F elements.

The Hours by Michael Cunningham. References Woolf’s Mrs Dalloway. Probably a good idea to read Virginia Woolf first.

The Immoralist by André Gide. Translated from French.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline MIller. Drawing from the Iliad, focusing on Achilles and Patroclus. Contemporary fantasy that would be a good pick for younger readers.

The Swimming Pool Library by Alan Hollinghurst. Gay life pre-AIDS crisis. Apparently contains a fair amount of sexual content.

What Belongs To You by Garth Greenwell. A gay man’s coming of age in the American South.

> LITERATURE: WORLD LITERATURE

American and Western experiences are more prominent in LGBTQ works, just due to the way history and the community have developed, and the difficulties of translation. These are English and translated works that specifically foreground the experiences of non-White people living in (often) non-Western societies. I’m not white or American myself and recommendations in this area are especially welcomed.

All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson. The memoirs and essays of a queer black activist, exploring themes of black LGBTQ experiences and masculinity.

A People’s History of Heaven by Mathangi Subramanian. Female communities and queer female characters in a Bangalore slum. A very new release but already very well received.

Confessions of a Mask by Yukio Mishima. Coming-of-age in post-WW1 Japan. This one’s interesting, because it’s definitely at least somewhat autobiographical. Mishima can be a tough writer, and you should definitely look into his personality and his life when reading his work.

Disoriental by Négar Djavadi. A family saga told against the backdrop of Iranian history by a queer Iranian woman. Would recommend going into this knowing at least some of the political and historical context.

How We Fight For Our Lives by Saeed Jones. A coming-of-age story and memoir from a gay, black man in the American South.

In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. Another acclaimed contemporary work about the dynamics of abuse in LGBTQ relationships. Memoir.

Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo. Contemporary black British experience, told from the perspectives of 12 diverse narrators.

> POETRY

Crush by Richard Siken. Tumblr loves Richard Siken, worth a read.

Diving Into The Wreck by Adrienne Rich.

He’s So Masc by Chris Tse.

If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho, trans. Anne Carson. The best presentation of Sappho we’re likely to get.

Lord Byron’s works - Selected Poems may be a good starting point. One of the Romantics and part of the classical literary canon.

Les Fleurs du Mal by Charles Baudelaire. The explicitly lesbian poems are apparently in the les fleurs du mal section.

> MEMOIR & NONFICTION

And The Band Played On: Politics, People and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts. An expansive, comprehensive history and exposure of the failures of media and the Reagan administration, written by an investigative journalist. Will probably make you rightfully angry.

How to Survive A Plague: The Inside Story of How Citizens and Science Tamed AIDS by David France. A reminder of the power of community and everyday activism, written by a gay reporter living in NYC during the epidemic.

Indecent Advances: The Hidden History of Murder and Masculinity Before Stonewall by James Polchin. True crime fans, this one’s for you. Sociocultural history constructed from readings of the news and media.

Queer: A Graphic History by Meg-John Barker. It’s illustrated, it’s written by an academic, it’s an easier introduction to queer theory. I still need to pick up a copy, but it seems like a great jumping-off point with an overview of the academic context.

Real Queer America by Samantha Allen. The stories of LGBTQ people and LGBTQ narratives in the conservative parts of America. A very well received contemporary read.

The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson. Gender, pregnancy and queer partnership. I’m not familiar with this but it is quite popular.

When Brooklyn Was Queer by Hugh Ryan. LGBTQ history of Brooklyn from the nineteenth century to pre-Stonewall.

FILMS

With films it’s difficult because characters are often queercoded and we’re only now seeing films with better rep. This is a shortlist of better-rated films with fairly explicit LGBTQ coding, LGBTQ characters, or made by LGBTQ persons. Bolded films are ones that I think are likely to be more accessible or with wider appeal.

A Single Man (2009) - Colin Firth plays a middle-aged widower.

Blue Is The Warmest Colour (2013) - A controversial one. Sexual content.

Booksmart (2019) - A pretty well made film about female friendship and being an LGBTQ teen.

Boy Erased (2018) - Warning for conversion therapy.

BPM (Beats Per Minute) (2017) - Young AIDS activists in France.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) - Cowboy gays. This film is pretty famous, do you need more summary? Might make a good triple bill with Idaho and God’s Own Country.

Cabaret (1972) - Liza Minelli. Obvious plug to also look into Vincent Minelli.

Calamity Jane (1953) - There’s a lot that could be said about queer coding in Hollywood golden era studio films, but this is apparently a fun wlw-cowboy westerns-vibes watch. Read the reviews on this one!

Call Me By Your Name (2017) - Please don't debate this film in the notes.

Caravaggio (1986) - Sean Bean and Tilda Swinton are in it. Rather explicit.

Carol (2015) - Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara are lesbians in 1950s America.

Clouds of Sils Maria (2014) - Hard to summarise, but one review calls it “lesbian birdman” and it has both Juliette Binoche and Kristen Stewart in it, so consider watching it.

Colette (2018) - About the bi/queer female writer Colette during the belle epoque era. This had Keira Knightley so by all rights Tumblr should love it.

Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) - Lesbian love in 1920s/80s? America.

God’s Own Country (2017) - Gay and British.

Happy Together (1997) - By Wong Kar Wai. No further explanation needed.

Heartbeats (2010) - Bi comedy.

Heartstone (2016) - It’s a story about rural Icelandic teenagers.

Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party (2015) -  Queer teens and religious themes.

Je, Tu, Il, Elle (1974) - Early Chantal Akerman. Warning for sexual scenes.

Kill Your Darlings (2013) - Ginsberg, Kerouac and the Beat poets.

Love, Simon (2018)

Lovesong (2016) - Lesbian and very soft. Korean-American characters.

Love Songs (2007) - French trio relationship. Louis Garrel continues to give off non-straight vibes.

Mädchen In Uniform (1931) - One of the earliest narrative films to explicitly portray homosexuality. A piece of LGBTQ cinematic history.

Maurice (1987) - Adaptation of the novel.

Midnight Cowboy (1969) - Heavy gay coding.

Milk (2008) - Biopic of Harvey Milk, openly gay politician. By the same director who made My Own Private Idaho.

Moonlight (2016) - It won the awards for a reason.

My Own Private Idaho (1991) - Another iconic LGBTQ film. River Phoenix.

Mysterious Skin (2004) - Go into this film aware, please. Young actors, themes of prostitution, child ab*se, r***, and a lot of trauma.

Orlando (1992) - An excellent adaptation of Virginia Woolf’s novel, and in my opinion far more accessible. Watch it for the queer sensibilities and fantastic period pieces.

Pariah (2011) - Excellent coming-of-age film about a black lesbian girl in Brooklyn.

Paris is Burning (1990) - LANDMARK DOCUMENTARY piece of LGBTQ history, documenting the African-American and Latine drag and ballroom roots of the NYC queer community.

Persona (1966) - It’s an Ingmar Bergman film so I would recommend knowing what you’re about to get into, but also I can’t describe it because it’s an Ingmar Bergman film.

Picnic At Hanging Rock (1975) - Cult classic queercoded boarding school girls.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) - By Celine Sciamma, who’s rapidly establishing herself in the mainstream as a LGBTQ film director. This is a wlw relationship and the queer themes are reflected in the cinematic techniques used. A crowd pleaser.

Pride (2014) - Pride parades with a British sensibility.

Rebel Without A Cause (1955) - Crowd-pleaser with bi coding and James Dean. The OG version of “you’re tearing me apart!”.

Rocketman (2019) - It’s Elton John.

Rent (2005) - Adaptation of the stage musical. Not the best film from a technical standpoint. I recommend the professionally recorded 2008 closing night performance instead.

Rope (1948) - Hitchcock film.

Sorry Angel (2018) - Loving portraits of gay French men.

Talk To Her (2002) - By Spanish auteur Pedro Almodóvar.

Tangerine (2015) - About trans sex workers. The actors apparently had a lot of input in the film, which was somehow shot on an iPhone by the same guy who went on to do The Florida Project. 

The Duke of Burgundy (2014) - Lesbians in an S&M relationship that’s going stale, sexual content obviously.

The Gay Deceivers (1969) - The reviews are better than me explaining.

The Handmaiden (2016) - Park Chan-wook makes a film about Korean lesbians and is criminally snubbed at the Oscars. Warning for sexual themes and kink.

The Favourite (2018) - Period movie, and lesbian.

Thelma And Louise (1991) - An iconic part of LGBTQ cinematic history. That is all.

The Celluloid Closet (1995) - A look into LGBTQ cinematic history, and the historical contexts we operated in when we’ve snuck our narratives into film.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018) - Adaptation of the YA novel.

The Neon Demon (2016) - Apparently based on Elizabeth Bathory, the blood-drinking countess. Very polarising film and rated R.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012) - Book adaptation. It has Ezra Miller in it I guess.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) - No explanation needed, queer and transgressive vibes all the way.

They (2017) - Gender identity, teenagers.

Those People (2015) - They’re gay and they’re artists in New York.

Tomboy (2011) - One of the few films I’ve seen dealing with gender identity in children (10 y/o). Celine Sciamma developing her directorial voice.

Tropical Malady (2004) - By Thai auteur Apichatpong Weerasethakul. His is a very particular style so don’t sweat it if you don’t enjoy it.

Vita and Virginia (2018) - Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West biopic

Water Lilies (2007) - Celine Sciamma again! Teenage lesbian coming-of-age. 

When Marnie Was There (2014) - A Studio Ghibli film exploring youth, gender and sexuality.

Weekend (2011) - An indie film about young gay love.

Wilde (1997) - It’s a film about Oscar Wilde.

XXY (2007) - About an intersex teenager. Reviews on this are mixed.

Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) - Wonder what Diego Luna was doing before Rogue One? This is one of the things. Warning for sexual content.

#dark academia #book recommendations #film recommendation #lgbtq fiction #lgbtq film #lgbtq books #queer fiction #queer film #lgbtq #lgbt fiction #lgbt representation #queer representation #lgbt film #bookblr #filmblr #mlm #wlw #nblm #nblw #trans representation #richard siken #sappho #oscar wilde #lord byron #poc representation #lgbtq poc representation #literature #the library #mine #wildeoaths masterpost

[alovevigilante]

Me: Ok. I’ve made an executive decision on behalf of all of us...

Me also: are you an executive?

Me: yes.

Me also: at what company?

Me: ours. Yours and mine.

Me 3: and mine too!

Me: yes, at threes company, ok? Will you just listen to me? (The other me’s sit, silent) thank you. Now, we have all come to terms with the fact that we’re 46 and still not sure where the hell we fit in in society, let alone a career to help aid it, right?

Other me’s: yes, Agreed, (hub hub etc...)

Me: ok, good. Well, not good, but yes, we all concur. Now, we, collectively, are a fucking mess, so I propose this: we start from scratch. At zero point, ok? Ok! Great!

Me also: um, question?

Me: yes?

Me also: I don’t mean to be a contrarian or anything, but we’ve been here on earth now for 46 years, and we’ve experienced a butt ton. So, how do you just scrap it all, and have that be something that’s widely accepted by society as a whole?

Me 3: yeah! Cause I saw this one “I love Lucy” where she couldn’t even audition for a tv show without having some experience.

Me: yeah, but we’re completely walking away from the entertainment industry...

Me also: yeah, but what are we going to do? Walk into a different profession, let’s say, being an astrophysicist, and they say, “hey lady, where are your degrees and your on the job training, & oh, I see here on your non resume that you have never even taken a physics class. Were you in a coma for 50 years or something?” And then we’ll look like an asshole.

Me: good point. So, since we can’t start at a zero point, how do we make life ok from where we’re at if we’re feeling lost and confused about what to do next?

Me 3: I dunno.

Me also: well, maybe we can mediate.

Me: eh. You feel like that?

Me 3: not particularly. Me also?

Me also: I was hoping one of you would do it for me...

Me: no.

Me 3: no.

Me also: fine. Any other ideas?

Me: well... how about thinking about shit.

Me also: that’s what got us in this mess to begin with!

George Carlin: hello ladies! May I be of some assistance here?

Me 3: why not? We’re plum out of ideas...

George: ok, well, let’s simplify a bit, Kari, singular, let’s chat.

Kari: hey George.

George: love the pic you choose to rep me.

Kari: yeah. You’re being a lil Italian when you talk with the garlic clove shaped hand you got going there. 🤌 🧄 🇮🇹

George: Yeah. I’m diggin it. But you know, in your mind, I’m one of the reasons you’re here in this ass place.

Kari: you are? how do you figure?

George: people don’t like the fact that you write on behalf of the deceased.

Kari: well, Tim burton did it in beetle juice and a lot of folks love him..

George: ok Kari, can I be Frank... Sinatra-like with you?

Kari: I dunno, can you?

George: yeah. Just pretend I’m sporting a fedora, a cigarette in one hand, and throwing my jacket back over my shoulder with the other looking at you coyly.

Kari: ok... if you want to... but is the cigarette in his pocket? Cause if it’s lit, that shits gonna hurt his Netherlands eventually....

George: (like Sinatra) no. Now listen up, baby, it’s not normal to write on behalf of a dead person that was not a character, and that whom was once alive. People get touchy about it. We have friends still alive that knew us and probably don’t dig it.

Kari: I see.

George: so it seems like we’re at a crossroads here. What do you want to do about it?

Kari: do about what?

George: your writing! It’s freakin everyone out! Kari, look, you know how normal Hollywood is, ok? They are all normal, non creative, in the box gladly thinker kinda people...

Kari: they are?

George: yes!!! Come on, keillor, get with the program! You are too far fetched for these folks! They want normalcy, and sameness, and only all the shit that’s ever been shat!

Kari: George, are we talking about Hollywood California, here? Or Hollywood podunk nah? Because Hollywood California is where all the creatives go to create!

George: right! And guess what, Kari Keillor! You are not welcomed in Hollywood, California! They have a sign up with your picture on it at the airport that says, “beware! No to this woman! Too much with the weirdness! She writes dead people!”

Kari: I write live people too... hey, do I have a cowboy hat and a mustache on for my mugshot on that sign?

George: nice one Cookie Monster! Well, Keillor why not?! You may as well, because this story has as much validity as any other story you make up and make worse in your head cause you’re sensitive about of your writing...

Kari: you’re the one that said all that shit! You planted it in my head!!!

George: so I did, but remember, I’m a facet of you. So, decide. Is there any validity to what I/you said?

Kari: how the hell should I know?! I haven’t been in lax recently...

George: right! So you never know until you try talking to some people.

Kari: I’ll call the airport... Listen, George, I’ll be perfectly Frank Sinatra with you now, ok.?

Don rickles: no mere woman can be like ole blue eyes...

Kari: Shut your misogynistic, ass-kissing pie hole, Pickles.

Pickles rickles: oh fuck... she does it to me every time...

Frank Sinatra:, you tell him, baby!

Kari: I’m 46. (Back to George Carlin) Anyway, look George, I have had a few successful people from my entertainment past either shun or block me for no apparent reason, so I’m pretty sure that I’m not well received again, for whatever reason... probably because I wrote the truth about a second city class I took when I was 16, about the current state of snl which I am completely unfamiliar with because I do not watch it, and the way comedy has changed or not over the last many years. Come to think of it, maybe it was because I love frank oz, and frank was mad cause I wrote that belushi John was teasing him and calling him an asshole, another ironic statement because clearly frank oz, NOT an asshole, was many of the muppets for years, and Frank is one of my idols! (Not a true central religious figure to me, but someone I admire a lot...)

Frank Sinatra: who loves ya, baby??

Kari: (to Frank) kojak. (Back to herself) Or it could be because i called bill murray, the beloved patron saint of comedy, an asshole like me, yes, I said like ME, out of jest and irony, because yes, he cared about the kid in meatballs making friends, ok?! That’s probably it. & yes, i was kinda stoned when I wrote it, and also yes, I still can’t figure out why the movie was ducking named “meatballs”, cause there wasn’t an Italian to be seen in it! Ok?! And come to think of it bill as Peter venkman in ghostbusters 2, written in part, by him I think but let’s just say yes cause it supports my point, called all of New York City and it’s tri state area, all 3 million people, miserable assholes, and they took a head count, & they still (probably mostly) all love him! & that shit was good (I love that movie so much) and it was made in 1989, and that was a long ass time ago, ok? And some of those people, have procreated since then, and again, they all love bill Murray and now those “miserable asshole’s” kids, ALSO love Bill now! Double the miserable assholes! Why?! Because he’s funny, and much like me when I’m being tongue and cheek, he didn’t mean for people to take the shit he says seriously! See for yourself! https://youtu.be/t1gkRAWvxOs (1:15 on)

So yes!!! I just think people are not into that kind of talk from me and me alone, even though it wasn’t coming from a mean or spiteful place. It was coming from a place of love for my craft, and of both frank oz, and bill Murray. The rest, as I say once again... I dunno....

George: Kari, frank just told you he loves you, and you blatantly ignored him...

Kari: no, he asked who loved me. He didn’t say he loved me.

George: Keillor, stop being so mean to the dead crooners, ok?

Kari: pickles isn’t a crooner! He’s a ye olde well paid curmudgeon who made fun of everyone like a jerk fach.

George: um, Kari...

Kari: no, ok? No! The difference between me and pickles, besides everything under the sun other than the fact we’re both human, is the fact that I am pointing out the obvious hypocrisy of the way we are set up as society, and wanting to heal it within myself to make it a more palatable world for me and my family and friends and acquaintances to live in. And pickles thought making fun of people was ok. What royal lineage did pickles come from that he’s able to rip on everyone the way he did? And even if he was of a royal bloodline so fucking what?! And dude got paid to be mean! And normal people made him rich and famous! And how did that become prevalent, let alone celebrated in this world?! Roast em! Yes! Hilarious.

Dean Martin: oh noooo... hey, listen pally...

Kari: dean, don’t get me started, ok? Cause I like you, I really do, but you know how I feel about that shit... Listen, Dean, you left a legacy here that was mostly great, but in my opinion needs a lil tweaking. Instead of “roasts” which people do to this day, and I can’t see how it can make the honoree feel anything other than like major ass, we should have “toasts” (copyright Kari keillor 3/19/21 actually before this date but I never published publicly...)

Pickles rickles: toasts?!? What is THAT supposed to mean?!

Kari: it means, my curious lil ornery pickles, that instead of roasting someone and being a mean rotter egg to them, you can “toast” them. Cheers to you, honoree, we salute you, in a hilarious way, by being honest about you but not vicious, viper like, and cruel. It’s where everyone laughs together cause it’s not a character assassination, instead of ripping on someone. It’s being funny, and yes, in a KIND and uplifting way. Where you actually celebrate the person being honored. Now, will that take a lil more brain power then the go-to usual jerk fach? Yes. But, it’s a challenge I hope everyone will accept for the good of all of us. Cause I guarantee that no one walks out of a roast feeling great. And if they do, cause they thought they killed or whatever, they probably did. And not in a good way. And that, again, is ass. No one wins. It’s a short lived feeling, the feeling of “one upping” a person. It never makes you feel better about you in the long run.

Dean: I see. I think I’ll go work on my volare now...

Kari: see?!? Now THAT I like! It’s not at anyone’s expense!

George: oh shit.... kari.... Why do you give a fuck about all this?

Kari: you know why George? Cause this has become our accepted collective energy! The haves and the have nots! Take away your money and what have you got?! Who are you, without the people who have made you who you are?! People, make other people in the 3D reality we live in. So take away everyone’s cash money, homes, clothes, and all the cars, and all the shit, and what do ya got? A bunch of naked humans starring at our different body bits, ok?! We’re All the f’n same. So think about it. What are we each individually contributing energetically to the whole of us? What message are we sending the next generations In our every day lives? I’ll tell you what message. Whatever we feel about ourselves individually both good and bad. THAT’S what energy we all give, and receive from one another. That’s what we’re teaching the kids. They model themselves after how we feel, and how we choose to think, and how we decide to act toward others. So let’s all collectively recognize that, and how we treat other human beings and wake up first inside ourselves then beyond ourselves so we can all make the whole, better.

I am not an asshole or a human joke or any other kind of joke. I’m not going to cry over the fact that I’m not accepted by people who’s energies don’t match mine. And by the by, no one is a joke, no matter who they are, or what their socioeconomic standing is. So I don’t wear an ascot and a smoking jacket, and a neck full of gold chains and chest hair, holding a whiskey on the rocks with an umbrella in it saying “see that?! be somebody!” ok?! I’m not Steve Martin in the jerk, ok? https://youtu.be/tBfXTyzaUfQ

I’m not even close to Hollywood! I live in the Midwest! I’m Kariwood, ok? And I’m not even kari wood, I’m no woods, ok? cause I’m pretty much never in the woods or the outdoors for that matter, so much so that I just purchased a sweatshirt that says, “indoorsy” on it, ok? True story! So yeah. Cause one time I was in Wisconsin in the woods, and I was thinking, “look at me! I’m in the woods! Weird, no?!” (Cause never in the woods, but I thought, I’ll give it a shot! What’s the worst that can happen?) And guess what? Despite my shower the night before, I felt something on the base of my skull the next morning, and I picked out a really nasty, creepy and scary tick. And it was alive, and disgusting, and wiggly. And I started screaming. And I am still freaked out to this day about it. And that happened at least 17 years ago. And I didn’t like it. So that’s how “non woods-y” I am... I’m not even a fan of woodsy the owl, ok?

So I don’t know how I feel about all that. All this to say that I am definitely not Hollywood, but yes, I am included, as a “somebody”. I may not be an award winning, keillor, but I am still somebody, and I may not be rich and famous, but yes, I am somebody, and I may have been on one trajectory and now I do t know what the heck I am now, ok? It’s true, and yes, I’ve posted this before and I’ll keep posting it until everyone in me gets on board with it, yes! I am still somebody because yes, dear me, we are all this: somebody! : https://youtu.be/tu0lNcrZjG8

George: hard to argue with that.

Kari: eh. You know what I am, George?

George: yes, Kari. I know what you are. But do you?

Kari: well, I feel, like I’m one of those kids on Sesame Street sometimes, looking up at and intently listening to Jesse Jackson, wondering how to get from small to big, and from where I am, to the success that he reps, you know? The importance of being admired by many. Having a big platform to play on. A huge soapbox to stand on, you know?

George: yes. I get it, Kari, I really do. And we’ve all been there. But everyone’s story about themselves, is different. How we all got to where we are, was our own personal trajectory that we designed with our beliefs. And our thoughts. There’s no set pattern or manual to follow. The only energy you must follow, is your passion and your joy, aka the love. That’s it. So, if you want to be, and decide to be, you ARE Hollywood,. Because Hollywood isn’t a specific person or group of people, it’s a place, and an energy. Hollywood is what you make it to be with how you view it. You don’t have to “be” Hollywood to be in Hollywood...

Kari: you said I wasn’t allowed in Hollywood..

George: you may not be. All I’m saying, is that you are whatever you decide you are. The end.

Kari: well, am I or not? Cause I don’t want to go and be turned away. Besides, I love visiting olvera st.

George: Its a fine street, it is. Great margaritas... listen Kari, you cannot achieve anything in this life that you don’t truly believe is in the realm of your possibility. So yes! You can be, and pretty much are are Hollywood keillor, even if it’s in the Midwest in your own home.. You are creative, and love the arts, and are nutsy, and ballsy, and you may hold the title as being the first person to ever separate the two, and bring them back together in a scote sack, ok? So keep writing, and be yourself.

Kari: I dunno. But what I do know is this: I did it again...

George: did what?

Kari: reactivated all the shit memories and feelings from the past that I’ve felt about my career, allowing myself to relive all those fun feels of inadequacy and upset alllll over again.

George: aww, it’s happened to the best of us. Listen Kari, you are, in my humble not so humble opinion, since I’m still you, a loving person. So you reflect that way; with humor, and yes, absurdist, surreal comedy.

Kari: well, I’ll try.

George: You already do. Your credentials are superfluous. Your love and support of you no matter what you do moving forward is what you’ll feel when you choose to, and it’s available anytime you want to feel it. And when you feel that, it really doesn’t matter what you do.

Kari: ok, well, thanks George. It’s nice to know I have you around.

George: Kari, you were once told that you are golden, no?

Kari: well, I was told that I’ll be golden at some point moving forward doing whatever it is I choose to do.

George: right. So, when are you going to decide to experience that?

Kari: hopefully soon.

George: Kari, why do you chop to talk to and write about us “passed over folk”?

Kari: I dunno. I guess it’s cause I love and miss you guys in theory, even though I didn’t know you personally. And I like to re-experience your energy, as I appreciated and admired it. It helps me feel better.

George: you’re now golden.

Scene.

Appendices: if you choose to perform this scene, good luck. I’d like you to do it all in one breath, if you are a more advanced, and professional actor. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💕💕💕💕

#choose love #love matters #love manifestation #self reflection #self love #self care #self esteem #selfworth #self development #self improvement #self definition #self image #love yourself #george carlin #a love vigilante

[lizadoesrph]

how to: sports guide -- FOOTBALL edition.

Sports and lack of knowledge when it comes to sports is literally my biggest pet peeve in the RPC, so here is a little guide especially for those muses who play football! Please like or reblog if you’ve found this in anyway helpful! Please feel free to refer to this guide whilst making muses or college rps! Part one here. 

disclaimer: I have not, nor ever played football. everything I know is from personal knowledge with people who have as well as being a huge fanatic of the sport myself.  As well as personal experience of a college athlete.

Overall.

Football is America’s sport. let’s be real, y’all can say its baseball but you would be wrong. Okay maybe not, but football is my LOVE when it comes to sports so I am so bias.

For my babies from the South -- they will follow college football to a T! They will probably have parents who are legacies and they follow their teams. The power house conference for college football is the SEC (south eastern conference), and overall the most dominant team in recent history has been Alabama followed by Clemson, and Ohio State. Saturdays are THE game days.

For my children from the North -- this is much more about the NFL. The Dallas Cowboys are known as America’s team, however... nobody really likes them unless you’re a cowboys fan.  The most dominant team in recent history are the New England Patriots.  Game days range from Thursday night to all day Sunday to Monday night! Thursday, Sunday Night, and Monday Night are known as “prime time games”

Myself, personally, I follow both college & NFL pretty closely since my family is from the North but moved to the South when I was young. 

For those in the west, football isn’t as big of a thing as it is on the east coast -- but seattle LOVES their team. Take a quick research on the NFL team near your muse’s hometown if they are from the states!  Maybe they have family from somewhere. And.. Green Bay is more or less America’s Team (Go pack go babbbyyyy)

Positions.

Special Teams.

This is usually reserved for second strings to get reps in. I could go into gunners, and all that but... not a star position.

Place Kicker - Usually an ex-soccer player who chose football over soccer.  A very valuable asset to a team, but underrated. Can always get crowd hypes up when they make a tackle. usually the position who gets the most death threats (sorry) example. mason crosby Punter - Same with Place Kicker, can sometimes be the same person. see pat mcafee who did both in college. Usually ex-soccer player and VERY overlooked.  They are usually the holders for place kickers during field goals. example. JK Scott. Returner - can make or break a team. bringing back a punt or kickoff for a touchdown will literally create the hypest environment. example. Tyler Ervin.

Offense. 

Quarterback - 1 // yeah, yeah, yeah. there’s more positions than this, I promise. example. the goat. aka aaron rodgers. Running Back - 2 // Smaller boys, fast, and shifty.  They usually do some dirty work, but a good one is a jack of all trades -- blocking, route running/catching, and carrying.  example. aaron jones. Full Back - 1 // Bigger boys than running back and these are the unknown angels on the field.  They are usually used to clear ways for running backs and help with down the field blocks, but also used for pass protection blocks. example. danny vitale. Tackle - 2 // Have you seen the movie “The Blind Side”. this is it. They are on the outermost boys of the offensive line. ( Kinda skipping over the offensive line since.. I doubt people are gonna play as them. ) example. david bakhtiari Guard - 2 // This is the boys on the inside, on either side of the Center. example. elgton jenkins Center - 1 // Very important role, in charge of getting the ball cleanly to the Quarterback whilst also getting up as fast as possible to start blocking against lineman and linebackers. example. corey linsley Wide Receiver - 2-4 // Probably the second most glorified role depending on the team. Tall, fast, shifty, with strong knowledge to run different routes, look and track the football to catch it.  Whilst also knowing where they are on the field at all times. example. davante adams, allen lazard. Tight End - 1-2 // Very important but scarcely utilized. There are either receiving tight ends or blocking tight ends.  The best will do both and do it effectively.  As much as I hate to say it, Gronkowski is probably the best example you will find.  These are big, strong players who probably have some of the biggest loads dumped on them when it comes to expectations. example. Rob Gronkowski, George Kittle.

Defense. (the best)

Lineman -  2-4 // usually in charge of stopping the run / pushing the lineman in to put pressure on the quarterback (nose tackle) these are the big boy 300 pounders example. kenny clark. Linebacker - 2-4 // split up into outer / middle/ inside. They are in charge of either coverage or rushing the quarterback depending on the playcall. The biggest jobs of most in containing either the quarterback or running back from breaking out into a big run. These are probably some of the most popular defensive roles since they can do so much to receive recognition (interceptions, great coverage, sacks, forced fumbles, ect.) example. Preston Smith, Blake Martinez  Cornerback - 2-3 // These can probably be the smallest people on the team, but they also need to be the fastest with a really solid vertical.  There is a lot of studying that goes into this role when it comes to knowing who you are playing against. Needs to interrupt the pass, and cover your receiver well.  example. Jaire Alexander Safety - 1-2 // my personal fav. position in the game.  This used to be split in strong/free, but it really isn’t used much anymore.  A smaller linebacker -- either assist in the run defense, assist cornerbacks, or provide a safety blitz (rushing the quarterback) example. adrian amos.

( yes I listed all packers as examples except at TE bc Jimmy Graham doesn’t deserve that recognition )

Recruiting.

Recruiting in Football is WACK. You get ranked from zero to five stars depending on how good you are in high school.  Zero stars being not so great and five stars being the best of the best. Five star recruits are the most likely to go to those SEC schools.  You get unofficial offers from colleges, and you will “sign” to a school on National Signing Day when it usually in February!  This year, they have an Early Signing Day which is happening mid-December! 

As a senior in high school, an athlete is allowed FIVE “official” visits.  This is where the school will pay for everything the athlete does, and is the last attempt a college gets to convince that player to come to their school.  An official visit is usually for a recruits top five schools. 

Once you sign a letter of intent ( an official, legally binding document that says you will go to the college of your choice to play the sport (football in this case) with the amount of scholarship money the school promised to give you.

College.

If your muse makes it this far, there is a 99.9% chance football is literally their heart and soul.  Those who are at big schools probably have dreams of going to the NFL.  If this is true..... there is a 99.9% chance they don’t go to classes lmao. 

In season, they spend around 30-50 hours working out, practicing, studying film, in meetings with coaches. you will be busy. you will hate your life. everytime you don’t have class, you will likely be in the field house or hosting parties somewhere. nobody drinks like college athletes drink, trust me, I was one.

Most college football players have mandatory study hall, around 2-8 hours a week they have to check into a room, the library, or their academic advisor to make sure they are on track and eligible for the following semester.

IMPORTANT: 

College athletes have a clock of 5 years once they step on a D1 field. You are no longer eligible to play D1 football after these 5 years. ONCE you commit to go to the NFL draft, you are no longer eligible to play NCAA football. You have FOUR years of eligibility, after these four years you are no longer able to play NCAA football. This clock resets for every sport. You can play in the NFL and return to college to play college basketball.

You can receive a medical or academic redshirt. these rules are complicated, but mostly won’t matter in RP unless you want?? your character to tear their ACL. It will take a small google search, but if that is too much, feel free to message me.

#rph #rpc #rpt #this is an absolute RAMBLE and slight disaster but slightly helpful! #PLEASE ask me questions if you have any!!!!

[spohkh]

Super important question! If you had to make a mixtape of the top 13 Taylor tracks about Dean and Cas, what songs would you choose?

OKAY THIS WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY SO HARD AND SO EASY TO DO. i rly wanted to get smth from every album but all except 3 are from rep to evermore fjsjfjsjfkfds oops :)c 

anyhoo, in no particular order, my 13 taylor destiel tracks!

1. invisible string  

time, mystical time, cuttin me open then healing me fine. were there clues i didn’t see? and isn’t just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? // hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

2. hoax  

my only one, my smoking gun, my eclipsed sun, this has broken me down. my twisted knife, my sleepless night, my winless fight, this has frozen my ground. // my only one, my kingdom come undone, my broken drum, you have beaten my heart. don’t want no other shade of blue but you. no other sadness in the world would do. // your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in.

3. false god

we were crazy to think that this could work. remember how i said i’d die for you? we were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us. remember how i’d fly to you? // they warned us about times like this. they say the road gets hard and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith. // but we might just get away with it. religion’s in your lips, even if it’s a false god. we might just get away with it. the altar is my hips, even if it’s a false god. we’d still worship this love. // i know heaven’s a thing, i go there when you touch me, honey. hell is when i fight with you. but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness, got the wine for you.

4. peace

and you know that i’d swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches, give you my wild, give you a child, give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. family that i chose now that i see your brother as my brother. // but i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come. all these people think love’s for show but i would die for you in secret.

5. dancing with our hands tied

i loved you in secret, first sight, yeah, we love without reason. my love had been frozen deep blue, but you painted me golden. // i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us. i’m a mess, but i’m the mess that you wanted. ‘cause it’s gravity keeping you with me. // i’d kiss you as the lights went out, swayin as the room burned down. i’d hold you as the water rushes in.

6. stay stay stay

you took the time to memorize me, my fears, my hopes, my dreams. i just like hangin out with you all the time. all those times that you didn't leave, it's been occurring to me i'd like to hang out with you for my whole life. stay, and i'll be lovin you for quite some time. no one else is gonna love me when i get mad, mad, mad, so i think that it's best if we both stay.

7. mine

do you remember we were sittin there, by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. you are the best thing that's ever been mine. flash forward, and we're takin on the world together, and there's a drawer of my things at your place. you learn my secrets and figure out why i'm guarded. you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes. // do you remember all the city lights on the water? you saw me start to believe for the first time.

8. willow

i'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night. rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife. and if it was an open-shut case, i never would've known from that look on your face. lost in your current like a priceless wine. the more that you say, the less i know. wherever you stray, i follow. i'm beggin for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that's my man. // wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark. show me the places where the others gave you scars.

9. cowboy like me

eyes full of stars, hustlin for the good life, never thought i'd meet you here. it could be love, we could be the way forward, and i know i'll pay for it. // and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. and the old men that i've swindled really did believe i was the one, and the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town, but that was all before i locked it down. // i've had some tricks up my sleeve. takes one to know one, you're a cowboy like me. and i'm never gonna love again.

10. state of grace

and i never saw you coming, and i'll never be the same. // you come around and the armor falls, pierce the room like a cannon ball. now all we know is don't let go. // so you were never a saint, and i've loved in shades of wrong. we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts. but this love is brave and wild. // this is a state of grace, this is the worthwhile fight. // these are the hands of fate, you're my Achilles heel. this is the golden age of something good and right and real.

11. don’t blame me

don't blame me, love made me crazy, if it doesn't you ain't doin it right. lord, save me, my drug is my baby i'll be usin for the rest of my life // somethin happened for the first time in the darkest little paradise... shakin, pacin, i just need you. // for you, i would cross the line, i would waste my time, i would lose my mind. they say, "she's gone too far this time." // my name is whatever you decide, and i'm just gonna call you mine. i'm insane, but i'm your baby. echoes of your name inside my mind, halo hidin my obsession. // and baby, for you, i would fall from grace just to touch your face. if you walk away, i'd beg you on my knees to stay.

12. cardigan

i knew you, dancin in your levi's drunk under a streetlight. // i knew you, your heartbeat on the high line, once in twenty lifetimes. // to kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. you drew stars around my scars // i knew you, steppin on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain. i knew you, tried to change the endin, peter losin wendy. i knew you, leavin like a father, runnin like water. // i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs ... knew i'd curse you for the longest time, chasin shadows in the grocery line, knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standin in my front porch light, and i knew you'd come back to me. you'd come back to me. you'd come back to me. you'd come back.

13. lover (Miracle on Cornelia Street AU theme song!!!)

there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear. have i known you for 20 seconds or 20 years? // can i go where you go? can we always be this close? forever and ever. take me out, and take me home. you're my, my, my, my lover. // i'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you. i've loved you for three summers now, honey, but i want 'em all. // my heart's been borrowed and yours has ben blue. all's well that ends will to end up with you. swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover. and you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me, and at every table, i'll save you a seat, lover.

#thank u sarah!!! what is your list???? #deancastiel #some of these could def be subbed out but i do have a few definites #like hoax and dont blame me and stay stay stay #adanceinasnowglobe #ask

[nancydrew428]

Hi!! So I’m conducting kind of a survey/study? Can you rank the games in order from best to worst in your eyes? A simple list will suffice. Include MID, and both SCKs please. But exclude dossiers ;)

Hi! Sorry for the late response! I’ve been doing finals and my last assignments of the semester haha. But I eventually finished this!

Also, don’t hate me (I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this except for on my bingo card, subtle plug), but I haven’t played 10 of the games, and of the ones that I have played, I still haven’t finished 3 of them🙊😂 So I might not be the most helpful, especially if you need exact rankings or answers from someone who knows everything about each game. I’m sorry! But hopefully my answer will still help you. If not, I’m hoping it’ll be interesting!

1. Curse of Blackmoor Manor

This one has definitely been my favorite game! It took me 8 years to finally finish it, but I’m so glad I did. I love the atmosphere, especially the creepy vibes (and I do like the English moor aesthetic, haha). The game used to scare me so bad, but now it’s just cute, and a little spooky. The only thing I don’t like is the moving rooms. All the other puzzles were good. But that one made me dizzy and confused, lol.

2. The Secret of Shadow Ranch

Dave Gregory. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Lmao. ...Seriously, though, I love being out on the ranch in real life and I love how that translated in the game. I love horses and cowboys. The love story with Frances and Dirk… My heart. I also loved the book. And I liked the glyphs. And the chocolate Shadow Ranch cake is to die for (it’s my go-to chocolate cake recipe!⁠—although I will never do walnuts).

3. Danger on Deception Island

This was the first game I played, so obviously it had to be high up on my list. Again, I love the atmosphere (that’s probably my biggest factor when ranking these games, and with playing games in general). It really reminds me of a place along the California coast that I visit during the summer. And I don’t think there would have been a better game to introduce 8 year old me into the world of ND video games.

4. Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake

This one used to scare me. Every night I would be afraid for the dogs to jump on the house and windows. Every time I would be in the woods looking for bugs I was terrified that something would happen. Also, Yogi! And I remember actually enjoying the puzzles and the hunt for bugs. Also, the speakeasy was so cool!

5. Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon

The Hardy Boys!! I saw someone say this is like an off-brand Murder on the Orient Express, and it was so funny to me, and I wanted to share it with you. But I love the train idea, the Hardy Boys, cooking, the potential “ghosts,” the hunt, and the dialogue.

6. Secret of the Old Clock

I loved this book. It’s the first Nancy Drew book (definitely a classic), and I love how they set the game in the ‘30s. It was completely different in that aspect than any of the other games. Although the driving wasn’t the most fun, I lovedthe pies, going through the secret passages, playing mini-golf, and the ugly yet cute cat that I don’t remember the name of.

7. Shadow at the Water’s Edge

I don’t know how accurate this is in the portrayal of Japanese culture. I hope that it’s pretty accurate and that it isn’t racist, but I’m not sure. But I remember playing this game when I was 11 and being absolutely terrified. The bento boxes were very cute, but I remember getting frustrated with it. The jumpscare is arguably the best part of the game and the scariest scene in any Nancy Drew game.

8. Sea of Darkness

This one is honestly this high up specifically for the graphics. Overall, it is a good game. I liked the puzzles, the setting, characters, dialogue, etc. But the graphics stole the show. It is the best Nancy Drew game with graphics, plus the scenery is pretty (even if it wasn’t as quality). I love the snow and the chilly atmosphere, and I definitely feel like it’s a winter game.

9. Treasure in the Royal Tower

I liked this game. I loved (you guessed it!) the atmosphere. I loved being snowed in, and I loved Hotchkiss. I don’t remember much of this game, and one might argue that that means that it should be lower on the list, but I remember really enjoying it, so I’m keeping it in this spot.

10. Legend of the Crystal Skull

I love the atmosphere, New Orleans, and Henry so much. This isn’t my favorite game, but it is so good!

11. Danger by Design

I like this one, with the Sonny Joon references. I also like Paris, and I think this is a fun game. But I always get it confused with The Phantom of Venice, which is why Phantom is listed right below this one. Which one has JJ and the cookies? I couldn’t tell you.

12. The Phantom of Venice

Like I said, I always get this one confused with Danger by Design. I couldn’t tell you what happens in each. Except this one has you dance in a catsuit and play SCOPA, but I don’t remember necessarily caring for either of these.

13. The Captive Curse

I like this one. I like Germany, the monster, the scary beginning, Renate falling asleep. But I feel like it could have been scarier. (If it was, let me know! I gotta replay it in that case.)

14. Alibi in Ashes

I love Alexei, the ice cream/milkshakes, and getting to play other characters than just Nancy. But other than that, it’s not my favorite game.

15. The White Wolf of Icicle Creek

I’ve only played the Wii version of this game, so I’m not sure how different it is from the PC version. + I never finished it. I loved the kitchen and cooking, and the wolf is super cute! But I didn’t like the ice thing. I could never get past it. Is it any easier on the PC?

16. The Haunting of Castle Malloy

I’m Irish and I think it’s cool that the game is in Ireland. I actually like the character design, but it feels a little bit….ridiculous to me? And the banshee? I don’t know. But I love the atmosphere, and from what I remember, I liked the characters.

17. The Creature of Kapu Cave

I remember liking the game, and I love anything with the ocean or lakes or swimming or diving. Like, the water is where I belong, and I think it’s so fun. But the character design is awful. Frank and Joe don’t look the way they’re supposed to, and I can’t get over it.

18. The Deadly Device

It’s a good game, but I’ve never finished it. It’s difficult in some parts and boring in others. But I love the Tesla idea, Mason’s sarcasm, and Ryan (I just love Ryan). But it’s never really pulled me in. (I think part of it might be because it’s the only game, other than SSH that I’ve tried playing without using any walkthroughs, so I’m having a tough time, lol.)

19. Warnings at Waverly Academy

I know that this is a fan favorite, but it isn’t my favorite. I like all of the Nancy Drew games that I’ve played for the most part, and it is a good game. But I’m tired of school, and I play video games to escape it. Plus, other than Mel, I don’t like any of the characters. That might be the point, but in a game where you have only a handful of characters, I don’t like only having one of them be likeable.

20. Message in a Haunted Mansion

I don’t remember much of this game. But I love anything even slightly spooky, and I remember thinking this game was cute.

21. Secret of the Scarlet Hand

I’m playing this game right now (not as I type this, but I’ve played it on and off for the past few months), and it’s pretty good. I like learning about Mayan culture, but it isn’t that special of a game. Nothing really stands out to me, and none of the characters are all that likeable imo.

22. Secrets Can Kill Remastered

Again, I don’t remember much from this game. It didn’t stick out to me much, and I enjoy games with a good atmosphere and a somewhat lasting impression. This game isn’t bad; I don’t think any of the ND games I’ve played have been bad tbh. But I don’t care about high school, and I want something else to remember. But I give Her Interactive kudos for making a game for girls about murder (especially because it was technically their first game, and this was just a remake). And that sounds sarcastic, but it actually isn’t! Lol.

23. The Haunted Carousel

This wasn’t a bad game. I just don’t really have an interest in carnivals and that sorta thing. They’re okay, but they don’t intrigue me that much. And I don’t remember much from this game. I played it around the same time that I played most of these games, and it didn’t stick out to me. However, I do love the cover and the fact that not every character is white.

24. Ransom of the Seven Ships

I know this game gets a bad rep, but I don’t think it’s a terrible game. But the black face is just too racist and makes me too uncomfortable to enjoy it as much as it could be enjoyed. If HeR toned down the racism a little bit, I could have actually enjoyed this game (except for George’s character design; they did my girl dirty, but what’s new?).

#trademarknickersoncharm #answer #game ranking #nancy drew #her interactive #video game #video games #game #games

[shirtlesssammy]

15x02: Raising Hell

Then:

Cousin Oliver’s Cousin Oliver makes his grand entrance, and we love him

Now:

The ghosts of Harlan, Kansas are contained, and most of the townsfolk are corralled in the high school 5 miles away. One daring resident, Nan, decides to check out things herself, and armed with nothing but her pashmina scarf, she scouts the town. Her neighbor, Rob, is there and, let me say, if he was that much of a weirdo in life, I would have moved across the country to get away from him. EEEk. 

*Gratuitous Buckleming Bullshit Alert*

Nan is stabbed repeatedly by the ghost possessing Rob. And then the ghost makes a spelling bee funny. 

And we laughed and laughed. 

At the high school, Cas worries that they’re benzine cover story isn’t going to last much longer. One woman already disappeared. Chief!Sam steps up and makes an inspiring speech to the frustrated townspeople.

It’s kinda awkward? I think Sam is nervous about leading (and it breaks me a little to think about the trauma that he’s processing when he made this decision to lead again.)  

FBI!Dean and Belphegor are patrolling the perimeter of the ghost circle. We learn that the ghost in the opening is Francis Tumblety, a.k.a. Jack the Ripper (*Boris puts on Sam Winchester nerd glasses*: No one actually knows who Jack the Ripper was, and he’s not “cool” Dean. Anyway, go read The Five, y’all.) 

Some vigilante townspeople decide to take matters in their own hands and make a plan to go back to their houses. 

*First Quarterly Meeting of the Harlan Ghosts Alert*

Francis Tumblety, President, opens the meeting with an announcement that they were all kicked out of Hell by God himself. Is it just me or did Hell make all these former people WAY dramatic, like they’re all taking part in a small town theater production? 

Two of the vigilantes sneak past the quarantine zone barrier and are almost immediately greeted by two ghosts. Wherps. 

Our favorite witch, Rowena, interrupts Sam and Cas arguing about how to handle the restless townsfolk. Rowena throws her usual love towards Castiel. I think Cas is getting used to it. (And way to deflect your real desire to just chit chat with Sam, Rowena.) Sam asks Rowena about building another soul bomb. They need something to collect the ghosts in.

Before too much flirting can happen, they’re interrupted. There’s a situation. 

Sam rushes to Dean and Belphegor. They’ve found the two possessed townspeople. Sam starts talking to them like they were just totes normal staring at them. Their eyes start bleeding black goo and our intrepid heroes realize they’re possessed. Francis Tumblety pops up and demands to be released. The people possessed are tortured from the inside --and Sam and Dean just stand there. Shoot the ghost, dudes! Make him go away! Ah, that’s for HERO Ketch to do instead! Yay, Ketch! (I feel dirty just writing those words as a joke, and will now burn both my computer and my fingers for typing them.) 

Back at the high school, the brothers discuss the AMAZING and COMPLETELY HELPFUL appearance of Ketch. Ugh. Rowena asks Sam for a Scotch (I mean, she says “Dear”, that’s Sam, right?) Ketch tries to set things right with the witch, but she “hasn’t forgotten” their past. (KILL HIM, QUEEN). 

Ketch learns that Jack is dead and now we’re Team Belphegor. It seems that Ketch has been tasked with assassinating Belphegor. Awkward. 

Meanwhile, in Reno, Amara’s living her best life. She’s getting a massage, when her derpy asshole brother makes an appearance. (Sidenote: I’m supposed to hate Chuck, but wtf? I can’t hate Rob! It’s physically impossible to not be charmed. Aagh. Oh, wait, he liked the ending to Game of Thrones. BURN HIM. But seriously, that’s some lovely shade, and it renews my faith that they’re going to stick the landing with Supernatural.) 

Cas has to handle customer service for a bit, and quite frankly, he’s a fucking saint. 

Rowena and Dean talk ingredients for her soul bomb spell, and Dean plays matchmaker for her and Sam! Specifically, he tells her to “find another boy toy” when she asks about Ketch, but she was just asking to learn what’s the best angle for killing him. Dean doesn’t know that though. Dean might be going through a messy break-up but he’s still making sure his brother is happy. 

*DEANCAS ALERT*

Cas finds Dean in a room. Cas makes an awkward sports reference (HE’S JUST TRYING TO FIT IN, DAMNIT --also, I like to think he’s trying to throw a little levity into their awkward exchanges.) Dean’s pretty mad, and I’m pretty sure I read a few dozen coda fics with this exact dialog last week, lol. Dean’s mad about everything --his whole life has been a lie. Cas bites back, angry about Chuck killing Jack, but he makes it clear to Dean that what they’ve done over the years isn’t a lie. 

Dean can’t believe they’ve ever had a choice in anything. Brb, crying in the corner. I’ll just leave this here for now:

Cas: Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

(I can’t find it now but someone on sm compared this to “You idiot. You asshole..” and I am compromised.)

Later, Dean and Ketch walk the perimeter. Dean gives Ketch an iron chain to wear to keep ghosts away. They head to a Meat Packing warehouse, where the F in Dean’s FBI jacket disappears. Wherps. Ketch gets tossed around a bit, AND I’M HERE FOR THIS. Dean gets tossed a bit too so, no thank you. A voice tells the ghost to back off. KEVIN!

Dean tries to wrap his brain around Kevin, who was unfortunately sent to Hell instead of Heaven by good ol’ Chuck. Kevin reports that the barrier is fading, so they’re running out of time. He also boasts that he has a “bad boy rep” in Hell. You do you, I guess? 

Chuck continues to be THAT GUY, hanging out in Amara’s hotel room and channel surfing. She tries to do yoga. 

When he tries to convince her to jet off to another dimension, she refuses. “I am running a hot streak in craps. I like Reno. Everyone here is so not…you.” Amara senses that Chuck is…off. When she discovers his injured shoulder, she tells him that he’s weak and afraid. 

Sam and Dean (and bonus Belphegor) assess the state of the barrier. Belphegor insists that the Winchesters can’t just shuttle Kevin off to Heaven. Once he’s been in Hell, he’s destined to stay there. (Can I just say, we’re basing this all off the word of a hinky demon? So IS this really canon truth, is what I wanna know?) (Boris: That wasn’t true for Bobby?)

In Reno, Chuck touches his bullet wound and hisses in pain. Sam cries out at the same time. Oof, TIED TOGETHER. Sam lies to Dean and tells him that he’s feeling better. Dean does his best inquisitive face.

The ghosts, meanwhile, are still hanging out in their weirdly vanilla home base. I can’t believe nobody’s painted viscera on the walls yet! Other Colonel Sanders stalks around, grandstanding about the failing warding and their plan to attack the weak points. Kevin flashes in. Our dear Kevin tries to act tough, but gets bullied by a bigger…ghost. (Suggestion: a ghost’s power isn’t inherently proportional to their size in life, but to their intelligence and mastery of their ghosty powers.) But WHATEVER the big, bully ghost puts a halt to Kevin’s plan to infiltrate the group pretty much immediately. 

Rowena flirts (apparently, ugh) with Ketch while mixing potions in a science classroom. 

As much as I love and support Rowena and want her to GET SOME whenever she damn well pleases, I find Ketch to be a tool through and through. It’d be different if she wanted something from him but…alas. There they are. They flirt with awkward magic versus science innuendo. Ketch strips a plug and jolts her potion. (Boris and I wander off, our hands shielding our eyes in second-hand embarrassment.) 

 Rowena races through the neighborhood with her soul trapping bespelled crystal. Other Colonel Sanders zaps in. He once had a relationship (ReALly?) with her and is appalled that she’s working for the Winchesters now. Ketch pops up and shoots the ghost while Rowena runs off. As Ketch stares off in the distance feeling very smug, the ghost zaps in behind him and knocks him out.

The Winchesters head in to the very beige suburban home to talk to the ghosts. Other Colonel Sanders threatens to kill Kevin, then sticks his hand in Kevin and starts to suck away his soul. Um. Okay, is this a ghost power now? Or is that how demons are made? Rowena uses that moment to suck several ghosts into her crystal, but it’s not enough. She’ll have to catch them one by one, practically. Kevin tells them about the barrier-busting plan, and they head out to survey it. 

The ghosts manifest as little red balls of flame as they hit the barrier. Dean shoots at them like he’s playing a carnival game and is DESPERATE for the red cowboy hat at the top of the booth. Shooting them one by one is pretty fruitless, so Rowena’s called to the plate. Ketch escorts her to the front and I kinda want to punch him as he gestures for her to go ahead. Like, go eat a lemon and die, Ketch. 

Rowena lets loose her ghostbuster ray and starts sucking in ghosts (through…the barrier?) but Ketch knocks her out. It turns out, he’s ghost-possessed! Sweet Dean Bean’s out of salt rounds and Ketch has the crystal now. He boasts about its power and how it’ll be the most perfect thing to break the wall. Dean shoots Ketch, knocking the ghost out of him, and Rowena sucks ‘em in.

Later, Ketch is getting loaded up into an ambulance (glad to see these random first responders are helping out right at the border of this freak gas leak). Cas tells Sam quickly that he tried to heal Ketch, but failed. Ruh roh, Cas! 

Dean holds a conciliatory conversation with Ketch (to sad music) while Ketch gets hauled away. Ketch exchanges mournful glances with (EXHAUSTED SIGH) Rowena. Dodged a bullet there, Rowena. 

Dean and Sam bid farewell to Kevin, who believes Belphegor’s line about Heaven’s no admittance policy. Kevin’s going to wander the world as a restless spirit, rather than head back to Hell. Belphegor zaps the warding, opening up a door-sized hole for him to go through. See you soon, we hope! 

For Kevin Looks FINE Science:

Back with the gods, Amara heads out on her own. “I am willing to coexist with you, brother. …In the universe! Just not anywhere near you.” She tells him that he has little power against her now. Furthermore, he can’t leave the world without her help. “I’ve become the better me. And you are still the same. Petulant, narcissistic…” Amara is pleased that she’s been able to trap Chuck on the very world he’s trying to escape right now. 

At the barrier, souls continue to whir towards the weak point. Dun dun DUN!

______________________________

These Quotes are Real:

A town full of ghosts? Messy even by Winchester standards.

Can you boys do nothing on your own.

We ran our own race. We made our own moves. And mostly we did well with that.

Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

Turns out, God’s a dick.

I like soul catcher.

______________________________

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#spn recap #spn 15x02 #raising hell #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #kevin tran #chuck shurley #rowena macleod #amara #belphegor #arthur ketch #supernatural season 15

[medea10]

My Review of Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-Chan

A random guy being struck in the head with a spiked-bat and having his entire skull swiped away in a bloody mess. You’d think I would have picked this up in 2007 when I picked up a punch of other absurd animes like Super Milk Chan. But time does make fools out of all of us. And because the randomizer is being a dick to me currently, I’m now stuck with this ridiculous mess. A student who disappears and no one noticed a thing. The class rep randomly turns into a monkey. Another boy randomly turns into a Shiba Inu. The male protagonist gets half of his skull sliced off and is magically better five seconds later (and the last one happens numerous times throughout the series).

That my friends, is the magic of Dokuro-Chan! Dokuro Mitsukai is an angel sent to the past to take care of a problem that will shape the very future. She was sent to kill a high school boy named Sakura Kusakabe. And before I continue the synopsis, I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a boy with the name “Sakura”. Amazing! Anyways, the reason why Sakura has a hit by angels in the future is because in the future, Sakura will come up with a way to stop females from developing at the age of 12 and these women stay like that forever. So imagine if a 67 year old girl looks like a 10 year old! Wow, that’s…oh so illegal! That is just raising the Lolita-fetish by 3000%! Well, Dokuro has taken a liking to Sakura and thinks she can find a way around this without killing him. However, other angels like Sabato Mihashigo and Dokuro’s sister Zakuro think he needs to be destroyed. And every episode we watch as this boy gets whacked eight ways from Sunday! Yeah, this anime is balls-to-the-wall out there, filled with poop jokes, panty-shots, crude humor, and absurdity on Pop Team Epic levels. BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: So back in the day, this anime was carried by Media Blasters and given an English dub. Now Media Blasters is still around! It’s just that a lot of their older animes have died off and it’s up to other companies to give it a good home. So now Discotek licensed it. The dub has many recognizable voices who thankfully went on to do better things like Wendee Lee, Mela Lee, Laura Bailey, and Johnny Yong Bosch. But again, you have to start somewhere in this business!

And I do find it funny that voice actress Mela Lee makes a call back to this particular anime. When Lee was in Durarara, she said the signature line Dokuro says and hearing her in this makes me giggle. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from. JAPANESE CAST: *Dokuro is played by Saeko Chiba (known for Nagihiko on Shugo Chara, Nina on Code Geass, Miu on NANA, Azmaria on Chrono Crusade, Ruby on Rosario to Vampire, and Neko Musume on xxxHOLiC Kei) *Sakura is played by Reiko Takagi (known for Tadase on Shugo Chara, Holly on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Part 2, Su on Love Hina, and Young Bon on Blue Exorcist) ENGLISH CAST: *Dokuro is played by Wendee Lee (known for Faye on Cowboy Bebop, Konata on Lucky Star, Kirigakure on Blue Exorcist, Yoruichi on Bleach, Yui on Fushigi Yugi, Moegi on Naruto, and Haruhi Suzumiya) *Sakura is played by Johnny Yong Bosch (known for Ichigo on Bleach, Lelouch on Code Geass, Makoto on Free!, Izaya on Durarara, Artemis on Sailor Moon redub, Koizumi on Haruhi Suzumiya, and Yukio on Blue Exorcist) SHIPPING: So it’s obvious that Sakura has eyes for Shizuki, a random girl in his class. But she’ll never express her feelings. At the end of several episodes, she has this face of disappointment given towards Sakura. Probably because the mood is always broken by one Dokuro-chan!

Dokuro seems to like Sakura as she hasn’t tried to kill him and made it stick. Every time she would destroy his body, she would always repair it. Any other angel with the mission of killing Sakura would have laid waste to this kid by the end of episode one. But Dokuro doesn’t want to do so as she likes Sakura. Hell, she defied orders from her superiors, including her younger sister to be with this guy. However, she wouldn’t hesitate killing him for accidentally copping a feel! GUILTY PLEASURE: Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi

…I like the OP theme… I’m officially going to Hell for saying that. ENDING: Well this series is only 4 episodes (or eight 13-minute episodes). Each episode is filled with angel-laced crack and several times an episode we watch as Sakura is disembodied by a spiked-bat. You know, usual shit for an anime like this! So the final episode has Dokuro wanting to start her own club at the school. And hearing Wendee Lee as Dokuro, I am immediately having vivid nightmares of the S.O.S. brigade when she’s talking about joining a club. Much to my dismay, it’s so much worse…for Sakura! Well all that fun and frivolity comes to a sudden stop when the school is visited by Dokuro’s baby sister, Zaruko.

WHO IS NINE YEARS OLD?! DA FUCK, JAPAN?! Because Dokuro broke protocol by not doing away with Sakura like her original mission indicated, she was to immediately go back with her sister and receive a penalty for her crimes. Meanwhile, everything on earth will go back to normal and no one will remember any of this mess. But Dokuro doesn’t want to leave because she loves living with Sakura. Now Sakura has a decision to make. He can either have Dokuro leave and never come back or continue having a loli angel live in his closet and decapitate him every other day. Sakura chooses the latter. But Zaruko ends up taking her away…only for Dokuro to escape. She ends up returning back to Sakura’s room and when he came back thinking things were going to go back to boring life as normal, he’s decapitated. Aw, so abnormality wins in the end!

SEASON TWO: Why is Dokuro’s hair teal-colored now? Oh who the fuck cares? It’s only two episodes! It’s just more random shenanigans. Only now, you’ve got both Dokuro and Zakuro living with Sakura. What else do I have to say, the final two episodes were just more of the same with Sakura being impaled every couple of minutes or so, Sakura striking out with Shizuki, and getting in all sorts of trouble caused by Dokuro. We even get a meaningless cameo from Sabato’s mother who tries to take her daughter back to their time but gives up by the end of the episode. And then mentions something about Dokuro being related to…oh who the fuck cares?! Finally we end up with a bizarre Valentine’s episode. And the series really doesn’t end on any kind of note. It’s just the final episode with no real conclusion and ended like any other regular episode. It’s been 12 years since this anime ever saw the light of day and let’s keep it that way. What the hell did I just watch?

Seriously, this show is just balls-to-the-wall insane. And this is the same person who found some sort of sense and sanity in watching something like Excel Saga. This is like if Super Milk Chan and Puni Puni Poemi had sex and this show was the product of that mess. And then you just fill it with the most absurd things in the world like people being decapitated, panty shots, side-boobs, nip-slips, poop jokes, diarrhea jokes, crude jokes, random cameos from Kim Jong Il and George W. Bush, and random students turning into real life animals (including a baboon, giraffe, and shiba inu). It was all quite insane. Only, AND ONLY IF you are feeling extra curious that I would recommend stumbling upon and watch this. If you’re not a fan of blood, I wouldn’t recommend it. I know the blood-shed that’s used is mostly supposed to be funny (I guess?), but there’s a lot of it. The animation is nothing too special. The comedy is kinda hit-and-miss with me. Then again, there are only 6 episodes and if you’re bored, go ahead and watch this. Okay, now that this nightmare is over, what’s the next anime I’m watching in this category? Nozomi Entertainment/Discotek/Shit made before Fall 1986, and go!

Marmalade Boy! Oh good, I’m always in the mood for a cute shoujo anime. Medea, it’s also surprise incest! Wait, WHAT?! DAMMIT 2019!

#anime review #bludgeoning angel dokuro-chan #bokusatsu tenshi dokuro chan #dokuro mitsukai #sakura kusakabe #zakuro mitsukai