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koostattoos · 4 months

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➳ There’s Only Me When There’s You || j.jk

~ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

~ Genre: slight enemies to lovers, high school au, fluff, MAJOR angst, first love, young love (Inspired by 2000's film A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks)

~ Summary: Being new was tough. Starting out in a new school and new town without any idea where to go or any friends was tougher. When coming across Jungkook and his friends, school hadn't got any easier. When you get paired with Jungkook for a project your life becomes hell, or was it heaven?

~ Warnings: MAJOR character death, a fight happens, mentions of a hospital, mentions of blood, fluff, fluff, fluff! 190811!jungkook (iykyk), jk’s lowkey an asshole but he’s actually the sweetest, they’re so incredibly adorable i’m sobbing, use of petnames (mostly baby)

~ word count: 15.1k

• currently playing: star by colde

a/n: this is pure fiction. pls don’t discern the characters in the story to them irl! happy reading! 🫶🏼

This past summer your family moved to a new city. Yongsan was small, that’s what you liked about it. But your family wanted to get away from the big bustling city of Seoul. They thought it’d be better for you. Moving was exciting to you. Being in a new place and all. The house they had bought was small, it had two bedrooms, with a bathroom, and a big enough living space for the three of you.

The people in the neighborhood were nice. They welcomed you with fresh food and some plants to plant in the mini greenhouse next to the yard. It was very thoughtful of them. Tomorrow is your first day at your new school. You were going into your senior year. They say it’s supposed to be one of the most exciting times in high school.

After you finish unpacking your things you walk into the living room where your dad was sitting. He was on the phone talking with the moving people to figure out where the rest of your stuff was. And your mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. You decide to take yourself out of the house and explore the small town you now call home.

Making sure your parents knew where you were, you turn your head around the corner of the kitchen and call for your mom.

“I’m gonna go out and look around town, is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Just be careful. Don’t go too far and be back before the sun goes down.” she tells you

Nodding your head, you turn to put your shoes on and make sure you have your phone with you. The air outside was nice. It was still mid-summer but the weather around this time seemed to cool down.

When you walk into the village you meet a lot of nice people. Mrs. Kim was the first person you met. “Hi honey. Are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face around here”. She ran one of the local restaurants.

“No, I’ve actually moved here a few days ago. My family and I live nearby. I just wanted to come in and see what was around here. So, I know somewhat my way around.” you explain to her. She nods her head and gasps as an idea pops up into her head.

“Well, if you ever need anything, please stop by. I’ll be glad to help” she says to you with a sweet smile.

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim. I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good night” you smile at her and walk away to explore more of the village. There wasn’t much to do. There were a few bookstores you had walked past and a few other markets. Deciding to head back home you text your mom that you were on your way. Without looking at where you were going you bumped into a firm chest. When you look up, you’re met with a teenage boy. His hair was a bit of a mess but still maintained. He was actually rather cute.

Before you could say anything, he says, “Are you okay?” you pause for a minute trying to collect your thoughts. He looks blankly at you waiting for you to respond. Finally, after staring at him for what felt like an eternity, you answer him. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m sorry for bumping into you” you bow your head slightly to him as you apologize.

“It’s alright. Are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you before” you respond the same way you answered to Mrs. Kim. You tell him that you had just moved here a few days ago with your family. He nods his head and excuses himself. But not before he introduces himself.

“I’m Jungkook by the way.” He has a faint smile on his lips. You tell him your name. “It’s nice to meet you, Jungkook” he nodded and slowly started to walk away. “It was nice to meet you too” Finally, you both bid goodbye to each other and you make your way back home.

Jungkook and his friends were out tonight. There was a bridge near one of the old farms, no one was allowed near there, yet they all agreed to meet up. Taehyung brought along his girlfriend and her friends. Their other friend Jimin decided to tag along with them.

Jungkook came up late (as usual) and Taehyung walks up and grabs his best friend by the nape of his neck playfully. “Where the hell have you been. We were all waiting for you” he says

“Don’t worry about it, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Taehyung laughs at him. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Does anyone have the drinks?” Jimin walks up next to them and pulls out a case of Soju from the trunk of his car and places it next to him. Taehyung’s girlfriend, Ara, holds him by his waist and asks Jimin to pass her a drink. Her friend, Sooha, hasn’t taken her eyes off Jungkook since he got there. He walks over to Jimin and grabs a bottle for himself. As he stands next to Jimin, Sooha makes her way to the case and takes one. She ‘tries’ to open the bottle but fails. She pouts her lips and looks up to Jungkook “Can you open this for me Jungkookie”

He looks down at her and grabs the bottle from her hand and opens it for her.

“Who’s jumping first?”

Jimin speaks up “I think you should Kook. Since you were late, you should make up for it” Taking a swig of his drink Jungkook shrugs his shoulders and places his down. He takes off his pants and his black t-shirt. He stands on top of the bridge and flips everyone off.

Then, he jumps backwards into the river full of water. And yells at the top of his lungs

“Fuck all of you!”

With all the noise they were making a farmer flashed a light towards them.

“Hey! Who’s over there! You shouldn’t be here! He yells at them.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Jungkook says under his breath swimming back to where his clothes were.

“Hurry get in the car!” Taehyung urges his girlfriend.

Everyone fled and Jungkook was left to fend for himself.

“Is that you Jeon!” the man says

“Fuck” he runs for his car and speeds off.

The next morning, Jungkook walks out of his room into the living room. His mom was already in the kitchen.

“I heard what you did last night Jungkook” she says with a stern voice

“Why do you always get yourself stuck in these situations! I mean this is the third time already and school has just barely started a couple weeks ago! You are so irresponsible. And you know what ever since you started hanging out with that boy Taehyung, that’s all you’ve been doing is getting in trouble” she yells at him in disappointment.

“You’re hanging out with the wrong crowd here Jungkookie, you need to find new people to hang out with” she shakes her head at him and walks away.

He sits there thinking about what his mother said.

~ You wake up to your alarm blaring in your ear. Today was your first day at your new school. The feeling of anxiety kept you up at night and you barely had any sleep. The clock read 7:00 a.m. When you walk out of your room, you’re hit with the smell of breakfast. Walking into the living room your father is nowhere to be seen. Your mom had told you that he went out to find a job locally.

“So how do you feel about being at a new school?”

Registering her question in your sleepy state you make up a smile and answer her. “I’m nervous, I’ll be fine though” she nods her head at you and goes to make her morning coffee.

Done with breakfast you walk over to your bathroom to clean yourself up. You haven’t bothered with makeup since freshman year. It only made your face feel gunky with the number of products you used to feel pretty.

Your outfit was simple. It was a soft pink cardigan with a white skirt matching it. You tied your hair up into a half ponytail. Leaning down to pick up your backpack from your floor; you make your way to the front door and tell your mom goodbye.

“I love you, I’ll be back soon mom”

“Okay, I love you too honey. Have a good day at school.” she tells you.

The school was only a five-minute walk from your house.

“Yo, check out her sweater,” Jimin says

You were wearing a pastel-colored cardigan with flowers on it. It was a bit beat up because you’ve worn it so many times. But you still liked to wear it.

“Yeah I think I wore it when I was nine” Sooha chuckles

They see you walk past them with a few books in your hand and hardly any idea where to go.

“Um excuse me, do you know where the front office is?” You ask one of them. You hadn’t noticed Jungkook, but he pays attention to you.

Taehyung speaks up and laughs “It’s down that way” he points into a direction. You nod you head at him “Cute sweater” Sooha says sarcastically. Not reading her sarcasm you tell her “Thank you” and make your way over to the office. When you’re out of sight they all begin to laugh. Jungkook with a faint smile painted on his lips.

“Jungkook to the principal's office, Jungkook to the principal's office” is heard over the intercom. Groaning, he makes his way over to the front of the school where he’s needed. He knocks on the door and Mr. Kang holds his hand up and tells him to wait outside as he finishes up talking to another student.

A few minutes pass by and when the student walks out the principle motions his hand for Jungkook to come in. He walks through the door and shuts it.

“So, Mr. Jeon, I’ve heard from your mother you’re causing trouble again? I thought we spoke of this.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything. He sits in silence and only waits for Mr. Kang to continue.

“I also couldn’t help but notice your grades have slipped during last year’s final exam. And ever since school started a few weeks ago you already have such low grades.” Sitting in the chair in front of Mr. Kang’s desk he slouches, shakes his head, and laughs in disbelief.

“Your absences and tardies have affected you severely. You haven’t always been like this Jungkook. I think it’s time for you to seek out new friends and join a new crowd.” Mr. Kang places his hands over his desk and continues.

“From now on, you will stay after school to be tutored and I have asked the clean-up committee if they are able to let you work to help clean up around the school on the days you don’t have tutoring. I expect you to follow my instructions. If not, there will be consequences. Do I make myself clear Mr. Jeon”

Sighing in defeat, he nods.

“Yes, Mr. Kang”

“Good. Now get out of my office and get to class”

When you got to the front office. They gave you your schedule for your classes for this year. When you walk out of the office you bump into someone. You don’t get to catch a glimpse of who the person was as they continued walking and didn’t bother to say sorry. Brushing it off, one of the student aids in the office is instructed to show you around campus.

After the tour was done you walk to the first class of the day. Botany. Plants always caught your interest when you were younger. You always wanted to see the cherry blossom trees. They were looked beautiful no matter what time of the year it was.

As you walk into class all eyes were on you. You slowly make your way to the front and the techer finally notices you.

“Ah, you must be our new student. I’m Mr. Jung. Do you mind introducing yourself?”

“Well, I’m from Seoul, and I’ve moved here only a couple of days ago. I hope you treat me kindly” you say to the class.

When you say your name a certain person’s ears perk up. Jungkook looks to the head of the class and remembers you from the day before. The girl who bumped into him. Next to him he hears his friend, Taehyung, make a comment about you. “She looks” he pauses “Like a loser” he laughs quietly next to Jungkook. He disagrees strongly, but he laughs along with his friend.

When you make your way over to your seat. Taehyung pushes his foot in front of you and you trip and almost land on your knees. If it weren’t for the desks next to you. Your face turns beet red out of embarrassment. The whole class starts to laugh at you. Quietly making your way to your seat, you sit down and take your things out of your backpack.

“Alright everyone quiet down. Let’s start with today’s lesson”

Completely blocking out what the teacher says you only think about when today was going to end.

During lunch you sat by yourself. You had tried talking to some of the kids in your class, but they only said a few words to you before walking away. You shook it off and thought maybe you could find someone to talk to tomorrow. As you take your food out, you don’t notice a group of people walking to the table you’re sitting at. When you look up you see the boy who had tripped you earlier. You also take notice of the boy you bumped into yesterday.

“Oh, hi Jungkook! I didn’t know you went here” you say to him. But the boy in front of him looks confused at him. There was girl next to Jungkook. She gave you a disgusted look as you spoke.

“Kook, you know her?” he points at you. You have a look of confusion on your face as well. What you’re not prepared for was the boy’s response.

“I don’t, I don’t know how she knows my name” he only shrugs. This has you extremely confused.

“Alright weirdo looks like you have no friends. Now I know why” The boy you had yet to know the name of walks away. But before Jungkook could follow his group he looks back at you for a second, then he makes his way.

After school you decide to take a walk into town. You stop by Mrs. Kim’s and hang out there and talk to her. You felt you needed to take on a small job to help boost your family a little bit. So, you bring it up to her. “Mrs. Kim?” you say “Yes, dear”

“I was wondering if you were hiring? I want to help out my family. We're not really doing the best right now and I wanted to see if I could do a small job for you?” you ask hoping she would say yes.

“That’s so sweet of you” she places a hand over her chest

“Of course, I can get you something to do here. Can you start tomorrow after school?” she asks

“Yes!” With that you make your way back home.

~ It was getting close to the end of school. Your plan was to go straight to Mrs. Kim’s place so you could officially start your new job. But, of course, your plan had to be messed up in some way. Because when you make your way to the front of the school to go on your way. You run into Jungkook’s friend group. You try your best to ignore them, but their yelling of your name stopped you in your tracks.

Taehyung walks up to you. He only stands in front of you before he speaks up.

“Look new girl, this is a scary world we live in. But I think it’d be best if you kept your distance from other people. You know, since you’re new and all. Some kids find it a little weird when you know their name when they’ve never spoken to you. Okay?” he says in a mocking tone. Jungkook stands there and watches it all happen. They walk away. But the girl that gave you a look earlier bumps into your shoulder.

“Oops!” she says as she walks over to Jungkook’s side and locks her arm with his. What you don’t notice when you turn back around is that he removes her arm from his and takes a different route from the others.

It’s been almost a week since you started at your new school. You still hadn’t made any progress with making new friends. You didn’t mind though. You liked to keep to yourself anyway. What threw you off still was the way Jungkook had denied that he knew you. And the way he looked at you every time you walked into class.

Everything about him confused you. When you walk into class today, he does the same thing. He looks at you but when you look back at him, he looks away. The boy you had now learned his name was Taehyung only looked at you as if you were some weird creature. You sat down at your desk in the back of the class and waited for class to start. Mr. Jung started the lesson and started to explain what he had planned. “Okay class, today I have a partner project planned” he says.

“You all have to make a presentation and I will provide you with a plant. You must discuss and explain how the operation of a plant affects our environment. This will be due by the end of this month. Any questions?”

Taehyung raises his hand “Yes, Mr. Kim”

“Will we get to pick our partners?” he asks

“I have already assigned partners so; no, you do not get to choose who you work with.”

“Dammit” he says under his breath

I have put your names up on the sheet I put in the front of the room. Please look at it as you make your out at the end of class”

You weren’t too worried about who you’d be partnered with. You just hoped you hadn’t gotten paired with Taehyung or any of his group. When you walk up to the sheet of paper you read your name next to Jeon Jungkook.

Spending the majority of your time at Mrs. Kim’s washing a few dishes here and there. You decide to work on part of your assignment for Mr. Jung’s class. As you took your things out of your bag you heard the beeping sound of someone entering the restaurant.

A drink is placed on your table. You look up to see it was Jungkook.

“Hi” he says quietly

Ignoring him you go back to what you were doing. Sighing, he sits down at your table and puts a hand over your book. Looking up at him with an annoyed look on your face you puff out air from your nose with furrowed brows.

“Do I know you?” you say in a sarcastic voice

He scoffs at you and looks down at the floor. His elbow is resting on the table while the other is laid in his lap. “C’mon now don’t be like that”. He can’t be serious. After acting like he had no clue who you were and letting his friends treat you like trash he wants to act like you’re in the wrong.

Furious, you pick up your things and try to walk out of the restaurant. Before you can make it out of the door you feel a hand tug on your arm. You stop in your tracks, and you hear Jungkook open his mouth to speak. Yet, nothing comes out. Turning around to face him and raise your eyebrows at him, waiting for him to say something.

“Look, I came here so we could work on our project. I got you as my partner and I can’t fail this project.”

Deciding not to be petty you oblige. You shake your head and walk back to the table you were sitting at.

During the middle of working on your project Jungkook speaks up.

“Um, look. You’re smart right? Do you think you can tutor me after school?” he asks out of the blue. You look up at him with a surprised look on your face. Should you really do this? After how he’s treated you? You think for a moment before you reply.

“Okay” you tell him. There’s too much hate in this world. You take the nicer route and agree with him.

He smiles.

“Okay, great. What days are you available?” he asks. You begin to plan out the days you would tutor Jungkook and the days you’d be working with Mrs. Kim. This is more than you thought you’d take on. But if you power through, you would be okay.

You told Jungkook you were available on the weekends and some days of the week. It was Saturday. You told him to meet you at the library at 8:00 a.m. The library opened an hour earlier than that, so you decided to show up a little earlier than planned to catch up on some of your other class assignments.

When you look at the clock again it reads 8:17. He was late. Not having his phone number, you weren’t able to text him. It’s not when you hear the silent panting of someone coming up behind you that you begin to place your things back on the table.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I woke up late and I completely forgot to set an alarm”

You look down to the table and audibly sigh

“It’s okay, let’s just start on this so you don’t have to be here as long as you should be”

Finally caught up with his breath, he closes his mouth and stares at you. He takes his seat next to you and pulls out his textbooks. The book you had placed on the table had some loose papers in it. One of them being something for your eyes only. It fell on the floor, and you hadn’t noticed. Jungkook leans to pick it up. The only word he read at the top of the paper was ‘List’. Realizing what he had in his hand you snatch the paper from his hold.

“What is that” he asks. “It’s a list of things I’d wish to do in my life” he nods his head and looks back down to his paper. “What’s so bad on the list that you grabbed it out of my hand like that?” You clear your throat and answer him. “There’s nothing bad, they’re just some things I’d like to do with the time that I have” Before he can ask what you mean you clap your hands quietly. “Let’s just start studying”

Without pushing any further, he agrees.

The next day at school you walk in and see Jungkook again. He’s standing with his friends by his locker. That same girl that bumped into you is standing next to him. You walk towards them. When you get closer, they’re all laughing at something you didn’t hear. You move your attention to Jungkook. “Jungkook, are we still on for Saturday?” you ask him. He looks around at his friends. They’re laughing at what you just said.

He has a faint smile on his lips. He looks back up at you and says, “You wish”. You’re once again left, confused. You walk away and hear them all laughing again. “Oooh that’s gotta hurt.” Taehyung said. His arm wrapped around his girlfriend he starts laughing into his neck.

~ Jungkook was on a late-night drive. There was a small garden just past the school library. Nobody went there except for old people and sometimes the gardeners to take care of the plants. “What the hell” he sees you make your way over to the entrance of the garden. He rolls his window down and yells out your name.

You turn around scared half to death at the loud voice that just called your name. When you see Jungkook you continue your way over to the garden.

“Hey! Wait!”. The engine of his car is turned off and you hear the slam of his door. He’s running up to you and you’ve slowed down your pace.

“What are you doing out here so late? And why are you by yourself, there’s weird people out at this hour”

“Well, that wouldn’t be a problem because according to your friends I’m placed under that category”

You begin to make your way over to the flowers. There was a magnolia tree with a wooden bench underneath. Taking a seat under the tree some of the flowers fell off the stem and landed on the bench. Jungkook takes his seat next to you and looks up at the sky. Tonight was quiet. The rustling of the wind against the leaves of the tree is soothing.

“Are you ever gonna tell me about that list?”

You turn your head to him “Why would I? And why do you suddenly have any interest in me? What is it to you?”

“I just want to be your friend; I know it’s been tough for you ever since you got her-” you cut him off before he can continue his sentence. “What the hell do you know? I’ve been treated like shit since I got to the school and it’s because of your friends.”

He’s left speechless. His intention was never to make you feel like this. The reason why he acted like that is because his friends acted like that. Jungkook and Taehyung have always been friends. He would always follow Taehyung’s lead. They did everything together. Their friend group only expanded with the added years.

He looks down in shame. Feeling guilty for the way he’s been treating you. You break the silence and switch to another topic.

“That list” you say. This catches his attention as he looks up slowly and waits for you to continue.

“I made it a few years ago. I want to try and fulfill it as much as I can” you smile down at your lap. Thinking about possibly doing the million things you wrote down on that piece of paper. “I want to visit a forest of cherry blossom trees. I’ve always had a fascination with them. They look so pretty, it’s a shame that they only bloom once out of the whole year. They don’t live that long. Just to experience them once would be amazing.”

Jungkook sits and listens. “You’re really into mother nature. Huh?” he says. “It’s really great, how the Earth becomes so beautiful with the plants that surround us.” You smile at that. Looking around at the flowers planted in the grounds of the garden. You could talk endlessly about them.

And you do that night with Jungkook.

Out of nowhere in the comfort of the silence between you two he brings it up again.

“What else is on that list? What’s the first one you have written down?” he asks curiously. You look down at your lap and smile.

“That’s classified information Jeon Jungkook” you look up at him. Laughing and nodding his head he puts his hands up in the air.

“Alright fine, then, what else is on there?”

“Hmm” you think for a second.

“I wanna experience love. The way they put it in movies. I want to experience that love so bad.” you sigh

Jungkook looks at you and listens. “Another thing on that list is to learn how to cook. My mother makes it look so easy” you chuckle.

“Okay what’s one more thing on there” he asks

“I want to get a tattoo”

The list went on and on and he sat there listening to you the whole night.

Jungkook hears rustling in the bushes behind him. He brushes it off and looks at you as you speak about your passion for nature.

Today was Jungkook’s birthday. It was also Saturday. You scheduled today to help tutor him. When he walks up to your front gate, he knocks on it and waits for someone to open it. Not expecting your father to open it, he gives Jungkook a glare.

“What do you want and what are you doing here?” he says in a low voice. He’s heard a few words about the Jeon boy. The boy was a troublemaker. He didn’t do good in school, and he had nothing going for him except for being popular. Your father was skeptical, but when he hears you walk up to the gate, he settles down a bit, guard still put up high.

“Dad, it’s okay. I invited him over; I told him I’d help him with his studies.”

He looks over at you with confusion written all over his face. “Why are you doing that sweetheart? This boy is bad news” he points his finger at Jungkook, and he rolls his eyes.

“Because Dad, there’s too much hate going around in this world. I think giving him a second chance is greater than having no chances at all.” you kiss him on the cheeks and only slightly agrees with you. You walk back to the house and wait for Jungkook to walk in.

But your father stops him in his tracks. “Listen, if you try or do anything stupid with her, I’m kicking your ass. You understand?” Jungkook looks up at him and nods. He makes his way over to you quickly trying to ignore your father’s stare.

~ When he enters your house, it’s filled with plants everywhere. A few boxes are left to be unpacked but the house is mostly filled. Entering your room, you have flowers decorating the walls of your room. Your window is open and looks out to a tiny garden in your backyard.

The books spread around your floor are open to different pages about math. Jungkook had been struggling in it and considering your already high grade in calculus he should be in good hands.

“I heard around school that it’s your birthday today. I stopped by Mrs. Kim’s and got you this.” You walk over to your kitchen and pull out a plastic bag. It was a bowl of miyeokguk. The seaweed soup that your mother cooks for you for your birthday every year. He looks up at you and smiles.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Well it is your birthday. Everybody deserves something on their special day” you say cheerfully.

Sighing you look down at the books on your floor and say, “Let’s get started shall we?”

“You’ll never believe what I saw the other night” Sooha says. She pulls out her phone to show everyone what she was talking about. It was a picture of you and Jungkook sitting at the garden talking. “What the hell is he doing sitting and talking with her?” Taehyung laughs. “Yeah, I thought JK didn’t know her” Jimin says.

“Yeah well looks like their best friends” Sooha pauses.

“I have an idea” Ara says with a smirk on her face.

“Come inside”

She takes them to her room and opens her laptop. She pulls up an old picture of you from your old school. She had to do some digging to find it. The picture was of you at a dance. You had your makeup and hair done. And you were wearing a long silky blue dress. Ara clicks on it and begins planning out her idea. She crops your body out of the picture and pastes it onto a picture with a bed with red satin sheets on it.

“This is gonna be so good” she chuckles

~ Sitting in the library, you have a book in your hand about cherry blossom trees. It explains so much about things you hadn’t known about them, and your head is so deep into the book you don’t realize Jungkook pulling out a chair next to you. You look up to see him looking at you.

“What are you reading?” You pull the book up close to his face so he can read it. “Ahh, the encyclopedia of the cherry blossom tree. Have you read anything more interesting about it?”

“I read that they symbolize the beauty of both life and death. Spring is when they bloom and it’s the start of a new life. This is what I love so much about them, they have such beautiful meanings to them”

“Hmm, that is really interesting” Jungkook says.

You put your book down and furrow your brows at him. “What do you want Jeon, were in public you know? Someone can see you sitting here.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Is it so hard to believe that I want to be friends with you? Maybe even something more, possibly? Why do you think I’ve spent so much time with you lately?” he raises his eyebrows at you this time. Trying to read your expression. You stare into his eyes and try to process the words that just came out of his mouth.

After pausing, Jungkook leans in. His face close to yours, lips almost touching. His forehead leans against yours and he smiles. Jungkook closes his eyes and places a hand over your cheek. “I’ll see you after school tomorrow, okay?” he says under his breath.

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head.

During lunch the next day, you walked out of class to make your way to the roof of the school, where you always hung out, but you see Sooha from the corner of your eye. She walks up to you and places a hand on your arm.

She calls out your name. “Hey, look. I need your help with something. Could you follow me to the courtyard please?” she asks in a soft tone.

“Sure, but what for?”

“Ugh enough with the questions already! Just follow me, it’ll be super quick.”

“Um okay”

As you make your way down the halls and to the exit of the building, you walk down the steps into the courtyard space where everyone was. When you get there, it becomes silent. All eyes are on you. Then, Jimin bursts out laughing. Taehyung is clutching his stomach because of how hard he’s laughing. Everyone has their phone in their hand, and they all point at it. “Oh?” Sooha says. She picks up Ara’s phone and shows it to you.

“Is this you?” When you look at the phone, it’s a picture of you. It’s the picture from your junior year at your dance. Your body was laid on a red bed. Your clothes were edited to make it seem like you weren’t wearing anything. The text above the picture said ‘___ The Slut?’

You feel a burning sensation behind your eyes. Your vision starts to become blurry. With everyone laughing at you; you turn around too embarrassed to be in front of anyone. But when you try to make it to the exit of the courtyard you bump into someone. You look up and you see Jungkook. “Hey, what’s wrong” he moves your hair out of your face and holds you cups your cheeks. He wipes your tears with his thumb.

You hold on to his wrist and push him away. You run out, wishing the ground would swallow you whole.

“Wait!” Jungkook yells after you. He turned around to see what had happened while he was gone.

“What the hell did you do Sooha” he says furiously. He clenches his jaw and balls his hands up into a fist. Taehyung makes his way over to him with his arms crossed over his chest.

“What JK? It was just a little bit of fun, what the fuck is wrong with you. You haven’t been hanging out with your real friends. You’re always spending time with the slut” he laughs.

The amount of hate Jungkook feels in his blood right now is too much to handle. He’s never felt this angry towards someone. He rushes toward Taehyung and punches him on the cheek.

“Jungkook!” Ara screams at him. Jungkook repeatedly hits him until he’s physically tired. Jimin reaches Jungkook’s shirt and pulls him away. “Enough man. He’s bleeding all over the place! Calm the fuck down!” It’s Jimin’s turn to yell, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about right now is finding you.

He rushes his way out of the courtyard and runs in the direction he saw you walk away in.

Finally spotting you in the front of the school he runs after you.

“Hey!” he calls your name softly. After catching up to you he places his hands on your cheeks again.

“What did they do? Huh? I swear to God, I’ll fucking hurt them even more if you tell me what’s wrong” Tears are streaming down your face. Seeing you cry makes him feel an ache in his chest. Jungkook tries his best to wipe them away. When you see his knuckles, they’re covered in blood. “Are you okay?” you ask him.

“Baby, I’m fine. It’s you that I’m worried about right now.”

You turn in his hold, but he refuses to let you walk away from him. He holds you by your arms and makes you look into his eyes. He quietly says your name. “Tell me what happened” he says in a low voice. You look up at him and completely break down.

He pulls you in closer to his chest and wraps his arms around you gently. “They embarrassed me. So bad, I can’t do this right now.” you cry into his neck. He kisses the crown of your head and then your forehead. “I’m here, baby.” he says to you. Stroking the back of your head as you weep in his arms.

Jungkook drove you home that day. After he parked in front of your house, he walked you to the front gate. Walking side by side you turn to face him. “Thank you for today, Jungkook. I don’t know how I’d repay you” you tell him. He looks down at you and smiles. “You don’t need to repay me, as long as you’re okay then I’m okay. Alright?”

Nodding your head up at him you realize just how close your faces are. He looks down to your lips and back up to your eyes. His head leaning in slowly, hands placed lightly on your hips. Then, the buzzer of the gate opens and reveals your father.

Standing, patiently he waited for you to come back inside the house. “Say goodnight to Mr. Jeon, sweetheart” he tells you. You look back to Jungkook and place a gentle hand on his cheek. “Goodnight” you say sweetly to him. He smiles down at you and says the same thing. After watching you walk through the doors of your house Jungkook looks at your dad. “Goodnight, sir.” He walks away and gets into his car.

Later that night your phone starts to buzz with an incoming call. Picking up the phone you read the name. ‘Jungkook’ pops up on the screen and you slide the answer button. “Hey, what are you doing up so late?” you ask him with a tired voice. “I could ask you the same thing; I wasn’t sure if you’d even answer.” His heartbeat picks up at the thought of you in bed with drowsy eyes and cute pajamas on. “I just wanted to check in to see how you were doing” you chuckled at him. Butterflies erupt in your stomach thinking about him caring this much about you.

“I’m doing just fine Jungkook, stop worrying so much. How’s your hand?” you say. You couldn’t help but think about what happened after you left the courtyard. Did he fight someone?

“It’s been better”

“What happened back there? Did you punch someone?” You ask, curious to know what had gone on. He sighs over the phone. He takes a deep breath before answering you. “Look, don’t worry about it alright? Knowing that your fine is enough for right now.”

He looks up at the clock on his dresser and reads the time. It’s getting late and he feels bad for keeping you up at such an hour. “You should head to bed, it’s getting late.” Nodding your head, you agree with him. “You’re right, goodnight Jungkook.”

“Before you go” he says and takes a moment to collect his thoughts and come up with something to say.

“Um do you wanna, maybe, go out with me tomorrow?” He waits for you to answer.

“I don’t think I can.” you tell him. His mood completely drops. His shoulders deflate as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Oh”

It’s silent for a moment.

“Do you have something already planned for tomorrow or” he stops

“I can’t date” you say softly, smiling even though he can’t see you.

“I see” he says lost in thought.

“Uh, you better get to sleep. I'm sorry for keeping you up”

You laugh lightly. “Goodnight, Jungkook” you say for the last time.

“Goodnight, sweetheart”

~ Jungkook has tried his hardest to build up the courage to talk to your parents and get their blessing. He’s been spending a lot more time with you lately. Meeting you after school and walking to the garden together. Jungkook also, hasn’t built up the courage to confess how he feels about you.

It’s driving him absolutely insane. But there was no way you hadn’t noticed it by now. He was so obvious. He always called you by petnames or he was always being touchy with you.

One of the days he spent with you in the garden he brought a blanket and some food. Walking over to your usual meet up spot he sees you already sitting on the bench. Looking up at the leaves as they slowly fall. It was nearing the end of summer and fall was beginning to show itself.

He couldn’t help but look at the way you sat there. Looking so effortlessly beautiful, you took his breath away. Walking up to you, you look up to see him with a bag and a basket clad in his hands. Your face lights up at the sight of him.

Jungkook made you feel things you’ve never felt before, almost like you were sitting by a fireplace on a warm winter night, or cuddling in your blanket when the weather is rainy and gloomy outside. When he enters a room, your whole world completely lights up.

The same goes for him. He can’t stop thinking about you whether it’s day or night. It’s every hour of the day that you occupy his mind. He’s so deeply infatuated with you it almost makes him sick with love.

“Hi, baby,” he says. The petname makes your heart stop beating for a minute. You smile up at him and greet him back. “Hi,” you say with a sweet voice. He bends down to kiss your forehead and places the things down on the floor.

Sneaking around behind your parents’ backs didn’t feel good but risking it all for him was worth it. “I brought a blanket and some food for us.” You giggle at his thoughtfulness. “Hmm, is today a special day or what?” you ask him. Feeling giddy as ever. “Nothing special, just felt like doing it” he shrugs his shoulders as he sets everything up.

Moving down to the blanket laid over the grass you straighten out your white skirt and sit down. He sets the basket up next. Laying the food out for you, when he’s done, he moves to sit behind you and moves you, so you’re settled between his legs. Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist, kisses your temple, and simply breathes in the air around you.

Sinking into his touch, you feel like you’re on clouds. The feeling he sets in you is magical. You so badly want to lay your lips on his soft ones, the thought of it makes your heart do flips. Jungkook could easily be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Today was the day. The day that Jeon Jungkook finally found the courage to ask your parents for their blessing. He's scared shitless of what their answer could be. He’s praying that he gets a positive answer from them so he can finally give you something that you deserve. Taking a deep breath, he reaches the front of your gate once again.

You were out today; you had told him you wanted to explore more of the town and spend some time with Mrs. Kim. He found this the perfect opportunity to come to your house and ask what he’s been dying to ask. He knocks on the gate to get your father’s attention. When the gate opens he’s met with your father and mother.

Eyes flickering up and down at the boy. His heart is racing. Remembering what he was here for, he clears his throat and says, “Mr. and Mrs. __, I’d like to ask your permission to take your daughter out. I know she’s not allowed to date. But she deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and shown the love that she’s always desired for” he waits patiently for their response.

They turn their heads to each other and close the gate. A strong rush of dissapointment washes over him as he starts to make his way back to his car. Heartbeat picking up he hears the rustling of the gate reopening and he hears your father yell for his name. “Mr. Jeon.”

Jungkook turns his body so he’s facing your parents. “Yes, sir,” he says in a strong voice. “We will let you take our daughter out, only if you promise us you will never hurt her. And promise her you will fulfill her needs.” Elated, is what Jungkook feels. He feels like he’s on top of the world right now. A smile appears on his lips and falls to his knees and bows down to them. Not caring that his clothes are getting dirty.

“I promise you both, I will take care of her.” he says.

It’s the next day, you sat in Jungkook’s car still in disbelief that he got your parent’s blessing. “I can’t believe you did that for me” you look over at him with a fond smile. He places his hand over yours and brings it to his lips. “Baby, you don’t understand how long it took me to bring myself to them. I practically begged them.” he chuckles. He pulled a bag out from behind your seat.

"What is it?"

"Open it up and see" he smiles

When you open the bag you see a pastel blue cardigan with butterflies and flowers decorating the hem of it.

"Oh, Jungkook you didn't have to"

"But I wanted to. I saw it and thought it'd look pretty on you" too shy to look at you he looks down at his lap and played with his hands

He planned out the perfect day for you. He couldn’t wait to spend it with you.

Getting out of the car Jungkook made reservations for a restaurant that was way out of his budget. He had a little help from his mom and made sure to pay her back every cent. He holds your hand in his and guides you to your table. Pulling your chair out, he takes his own seat and scans over the menu.

“Anything catch your eye? Order whatever you want” he tells you.

Lips curling at the corners of your mouth you read through the different selections.

~ Dinner was amazing. The waiter came to pick up your plates and Jungkook took you to an empty parking lot. “What are we doing?” Looking around and see no one in sight. “You said you wanted a tattoo, right?” From the front compartment of his car, he pulls out the fake tattoos you used to use when you were little. From the corner of his eye, he sees the biggest smile grow on your face.

“Which one do you want?” scanning through the different types of tattoos.

“Pick one for me” you tell him.

He picked a cherry. Looking up at you he sees stars twinkle in your eyes as you look at him. “Where do you want it?” You pull down the neck of your sweater and show a bit of your chest. Right above your heart. Jungkook tears the tattoo out and gets a towel that was lying in his car and a water bottle. He dabs it over the tattoo where he placed it on over your heart. Pulling the paper back the print of the cherry is laying on your skin.

He rubs his finger over it gently and looks at you. Averting your gaze, you start to feel nervous. Only Jungkook can make you feel like this.

~ Jungkook wouldn’t tell you your next destination. He told you it would be quite a drive. So, you laid your head back and took a small nap. Jungkook placed his hand over your thigh and drove you to wherever he was taking you.

It wasn’t until you opened your eyes; you saw a big white arch away. It was surrounded by cherry blossom trees. Jungkook looks over at your face. Smiling the biggest smile, you unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door. Running up to the entrance you jump up and down giggling.

Jungkook walking slowly with his hands in his pocket he watches you.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! There’s so pretty!” you almost feel tears start to build up in your eyes. You can’t believe Jungkook drove all this way. He walks up next to you and tangles his hand in yours. “You wanna go see it?” he says, lips turned up into a smile. Nodding your head eagerly, you practically drag him over.

Slowing down your pace you look around at the beautiful trees. The white and pinkish leaves fall into your hair. There’s a bridge that you stop at. In the middle of it, Jungkook places a hand on your cheek and turns your attention to him. You look up at him with those eyes. Eyes that he absolutely adores. He says your name softly and pulls you closer to you. “Do you like it? I tried so hard looking for them.” he tells you.

“Jungkook, this is like, a dream come true. I can’t believe you did this, thank you so much.” You pull him in for a hug and dig your face into his neck. His hold around you tight as he closes his eyes and soaks in the moment.

When you pull away your faces are close, lips to point they’re basically touching. He cups your cheeks with his hand and says, “I need to tell you something” you hum in response. He takes a deep breath in and finally spits out what he’s been holding in for a while.

“I love you” your heart stops.

You look into his eyes and scan his face. Looking at the little mole under his lip. And the scar that grazes his upper cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” you ask him

He only nods and slowly pulls your face closer to his. Noses brushing softly against each other. Your lips graze each other softly. Then, he slots them together. Connecting them. You feel a rush of blood go to your head. Your cheeks are warm and flushed with red. The sounds around you are the streaming water beneath your feet, the rustling wind against the leaves. And birds chirping in the trees.

The leaves are falling on top of you. This moment couldn’t be any more perfect.

On the drive home Jungkook held your hand the whole way there. Music played softly in the background and the windows rolled down to let in a gentle breeze.

When you arrive at the gate of your house, he parks his car in the same spot that he does every time he visits. Walking up to the front your hand is warm in his. You stop and turn to him. “So, what does that make us?” you ask smiling up at him.

“Well, I thought it was kinda obvious. You just want me to say it, huh?” He laughs at you. Nodding your head, you wait for him to say what you want to hear. “That makes you my girlfriend” he wraps his arms around your neck and gives your nose a little peck. You scrunch up your nose smile. You’ve been smiling the whole day your face is starting to hurt.

“Then you’re my boyfriend” you giggle. He leans in and places his lips on yours. He smiles into the kiss, and you can feel it against your lips. The gate opens and reveals your father. Who has been waiting for you to come home. “Oh, hi dad” you say. “Honey, why don’t you come inside. It’s getting late and it’s cold” You sigh and turn back to Jungkook.

“Bye” you place a peck on his lips. “Goodnight, baby.” he says and looks up at your father and walks back to his car. Once you’re on the other side of the gate your dad stops you for a moment. “Have you told him?” Smile dropping you look down to the floor.

“Not yet”

“Don’t make this harder for him or for yourself sweetheart”

“I love him dad and he love me. I’ll get there eventually”

~ At school, you’re walking hand in hand with your boyfriend. Walking past his (ex) friends, they all have their eyes on you. Sooha has an irritated look on her face. But walking past them made you feel more confident in yourself. Being with Jungkook like this made you confident.

Walking into the library you and Jungkook take a seat by the window and just sit in comfortable silence. Your legs are over his on the small couch and you’re reading your books about cherry blossoms again. That day that he took you to see the cherry blossoms, he had kept a pedal that fell from the tree and kept it in a glass container. It’s a day he’ll never forget. It’s the day he got to tell his lover that he loved her and made her his. He’s so eternally grateful to whatever god that sent you to him.

He was on his phone when he suddenly broke the silence.

“Baby?” He calls for your attention.

You hum in response, and he continues. “You wanna come over after school today? My mom said she wanted to meet you. You don’t have to if you're not ready or comfortable yet though. I was just suggesting” he says it as the words spill out of his mouth faster than you can comprehend.

You laugh at his cuteness. Thinking over about how meeting his mom would go. It would be lovely if you got to meet the person that made Jungkook the person he is today.

“Yeah, sure. That’d be great. Just tell me what time and I’ll be there.” you say softly. A wave of relief washes over him. He was worried you’d be too scared to reject him. “Alright” he pauses for a moment. “Okay, I’ll pick you up at six then?” Your lips curl up, delighted to finally meet his family. You nod your head in response and continue with your book.

Jungkook places his hand over your thigh and looks down at his phone again.

~ Looking at yourself in the mirror, you fix your hair one last time and touch up your makeup. You wanted to make yourself presentable in front of Jungkook’s mom. It’s not that you were scared of meeting her, you scared of what she might think of you. Straighten out your dress one last time your thoughts are broken by the doorbell ringing.

When you leave your room you see your mom answer the door. “Oh hi, Jungkook are you here to pick up ___?” Letting him in he walks past her and waits by the door for you. “Yeah, we're going back to my place. We're just gonna eat dinner there.” He explains. “Ah okay, well have fun. I’ll go grab her and tell her you’re here” she says. Before she can move, you emerge from the corner of your room and Jungkook sets his eyes on you. He smiles at you and pulls you in by your waist to hug you. “Hi, baby,” he says, feeling giddy at the thought of you. Telling your mom goodnight and that you’ll be back soon; Jungkook guides you with a hand on your back towards his car. He opens the door for you like the gentleman he is and walks around the car to get into the driver’s seat.

When you stop at a red light the silence between you two is broken by him. “How are you feeling?” he asks you. To be completely honest you were scared shitless. Afraid of what she might think of you. Afraid that she thinks you’re not enough for her son. Afraid that you’ll give off the wrong impression. Jungkook cuts off your thoughts by placing a kiss on your wrist.

“Baby?”

Coming back to reality you giggle softly. “Sorry, um.” You take a moment to collect your thoughts. “To be honest with you. I’m terrified.” You speak about your insecurities. Thinking about meeting his mother. You know you fully agreed to this earlier. But the drive to his house has become surreal to you now.

“She’ll love you I promise. But no matter what, if she doesn’t like you; know that I love you okay? Never forget that.” Calming your mind down, you nod your head and settle in silence for the rest of the car ride.

Jungkook walks around the car again to open your door. You thank him and look at his house. It wasn’t too big, but it wasn’t too small. It was the perfect size. Walking up to the front door, he unlocks it, and your heart picks up once again. You walk through the door and investigate the living room.

His little brother is sitting on the couch watching TV. His youngest sister was sitting on the floor watching whatever her brother was. Jungkook was the eldest out of the three. His siblings being much younger. You walk into the living room and Jungkook yells out to his siblings. “Guys, turn off the TV for a minute. I want you to meet someone.”

They both turn to look at you and you smile down at them. “This is my girlfriend, ___. This is Jungwoo and Jungha.” Cute. All of their names start the same way, you think. Jungha walks up to you. She seems to only be around four years-old and Jungwoo looks to be about seven. “It’s nice to meet you both” you softly smile at them.

Jungha tugs on your sleeve and looks up at you. “Are you a princess?” she asks. Your heart melts at the sweet little voice. “She’s not a princess! She’s not wearing a crown!” Jungwoo exclaims from where he sat. You giggle at them, and then you hear footsteps come up from behind you.

Turning around you see Jungkook’s mother. You’re a nervous wreck when you first see her face. You politely bow to her and greet her.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Mrs. Jeon”

“Oh, honey please stand up.” She motions for you to stand straight

“No need for formalities, I hope you’re hungry. I made a lot of food tonight!” She smiles at you and walks back to the kitchen.

Okay, this isn’t going as badly as you thought it’d go. You walk back to the living room with Jungkook to chat some more with his siblings. You sit down on the floor and Jungkook sits behind you on the couch. “So, Jungha. How old are you?” you ask the little girl.

She looks up from her toys and holds up four fingers in front of your face “I’m four!” Her small voice makes your chest ache from how cute she is. She goes back to her dolls and plays with them again. You turn your attention to Jungwoo and start a conversation with him.

“What about you Jungwoo?” you ask him. “I turned eight last month” You were only off by a year. This time he asks you a question. “Why are you with my brother? He’s annoying and he never lets me in his room” he pouts with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Well, I think Jungkook is amazing. You should cut him some slack. I’m sure he’s a great brother!” you tell him. Jungkook leans down and kisses the crown of your head as he looks at the TV. Your arms are laid in your lap and his are wrapped around your neck.

“Yeah, cut me some slack. I try my best!” he says to his younger brother.

“I guess” Jungwoo rolls his eyes. You laugh at him and advert your eyes to the youngest one in the room again. She looks up at you and places a doll in your lap. “Will you play with me? You can be the princess!”

You happily oblige and play with her until dinner is ready.

At the table, Jungkook’s mother places the food around it. “Wow, Mrs. Jeon this looks amazing. Thank you so much for having me over” you say to her. She smiles back at her as she puts food on the little ones’ plates. “It’s no problem sweetie. Now please tell me more about yourself! All I hear from Jungkook is ‘my girlfriend is amazing’ and ‘I can’t wait for you to meet her’." She giggles. Hearing this makes your heart swoon. He talks about you like that?

“Well, um. I’m new to town. My parents and I moved here just this summer.” you say.

“Oh! How exciting! Where did you move from?”

“Seoul, my parents wanted to get away from the city and thought it was better to move to some place smaller.” Talking about Seoul makes you miss it. Seoul is the place you grew up in. You didn’t have many friends over there, but you still managed to have some.

“Well, Yongsan is small, but everyone knows everyone and it’s a great community all around.” She reassures you.

Thinking back on your school experience you highly doubt that it’s great at all. You only smile at her. As the night goes on, embarrassing childhood stories about Jungkook may have slipped out here and there. Spending your time with them was refreshing. You adored his family. This is something you wished for in the future.

On the way back to your house the car is silent. You think back to the events of tonight and reminisce.

“So, how do you feel now?” Jungkook says

“I feel content with tonight. I love your family. They’re so adorable. I wish I could come over a lot more often.” you say with a small smile on your lips.

“Well, you can. Come over as much as you want, baby” He looks over at you and you nod. Your smile slightly fading.

At the garden, Jungkook told you to meet him there after school. He told you he had a surprise. On your way over you pass by Sooha. Not caring about the way, she looked at you, you make your way over to your lover. He stood over the magnolia tree with a cover over the bench.

Eyebrows furrowed you walk over to him and hug him. You tilt your head so you’re now looking up at him. He places his soft lips against yours and pulls something out of his bag.

It’s the cherry blossom pedal that he kept from the day that he took you to go see them. You gasp, looking at what occupied his hand. “What is this?” you question. “It’s a pedal from the cherry blossoms I took you to see.” Those butterflies in your stomach bloom from within once again. You feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing boyfriend.

Jungkook has given you love that you’ve never experienced before. You want to thank whoever sent him to you forever. Grabbing the pedal, you hold it close to your chest. “Thank you honey,” you say under your breath and connect your lips together. Every touch of his lip is like a spark of electricity. You can never get enough of it.

“I also did something else” He takes a hold of the cloth that was covering. On the bench, there’s a gold tag right in the middle. The engraving read ‘I love you for all eternity –J' you stand there, at a loss for words. He got this done for you? You start to feel tears burn at your waterline. Everyone in the world deserved a Jungkook. Wiping the tears from your eyes you rush into him and wrap your arms around his neck.

“I can’t believe you did this” you muffle into his chest. He wraps his arms around your waist and digs his face into the crook of your neck.

“Do you like it?” looking down at you.

“I fucking love it Jeon Jungkook” you laugh and kiss his lips again. This time the kiss lasts longer. Lips moving against each other with so much passion; moving slowly together. You’ve never been happier.

Jungkook sat at his desk in his room and his mom walked through his door. “Honey?” She catches his attention. He hums in response.

“I was cleaning out your room and I found this sitting on your dresser. I swear I wasn’t snooping but I was reading and” she pauses and opens it up. Jungkook wasn’t mad at her. He just sits and sighs as he waits for his mom to read what he wrote down.

“It says study hard enough to get into college. Okay, reasonable, next one says read the encyclopedia of cherry blossom trees. The last one says, major in Botany? Since when were you into plants and nature?”

Jungkook walks up to her and rips the paper from her hand. “It’s a list I wrote up in the middle of the night the other day. ___ is my inspiration behind it.” He says with a fond smile.

She’s never seen her son this happy and in love before. It’s truly the sweetest thing she’s ever seen. Such young love between the two. Her son’s happiness makes her a whole lot happier.

One day, Jungkook gets a sudden call from you. He hasn’t been with you in the past few days due to you being away for some reason. He never questioned it, not wanting to push you to your limits. Over the phone you tell him that you needed to tell him something.

You told him to meet you at your spot at around 8:00. It was usually dark by then and he was getting worried about you being there by yourself as you waited for him. When he pulls up next to the parking lot near the garden, he hurriedly makes his way over to you. You were sitting on the bench waiting for your boyfriend to show up.

“Hey, baby, what’s going on? Are you okay?” he says in a soft voice. He takes your hand in his and pulls you closer to him. Jungkook looks at your face and notices your red puffy eyes. Have you been crying? Getting even more worried, he cups your cheeks, so your head is tilted towards him.

“Hey, whatever it is we’ll get through it, alright? Please, tell me what the hell is going on” he weeps, Jungkook can feel his hands start to shake. Were you going to break up with him? Were you moving again? All these questions build up in Jungkook’s mind and he can’t stop thinking about the worst. Until it comes. You look down and a tear drops into your lap. The soft sniffles that come from you make his heart sink. He pulls you closer to him and you sob into his shoulders.

“I should’ve told you this sooner” you say quietly

“Tell me what, baby? What should you have told me?” He starts to panic. He’s completely clueless of what you’re trying to tell him.

And then.

It spills from your mouth.

“I’m sick” Jungkook’s world stops to a halt.

“Okay, let’s take you home and you’ll feel better”

“No, Jungkook.” you pause

“I’m sick”

“No, you can’t be sick, y-you're perfect. That’s not possible.”

You try to contain your tears, but they keep falling.

“That’s why I haven’t seen you for the past few days. I was at the hospital for my checkup. I have a heart condition and it doesn’t allow my blood to flow correctly and it restricts me from doing a lot of things. I’ve had it since I was ten. This means I’d have to stay home and at the hospital a lot more.”

Jungkook couldn’t hold it in anymore. He felt mad. He felt mad at the world. This couldn’t be happening

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” His voice raises an octive

“Because! This!” you point your hand between the both of you.

“Because we were doing so good. This was going so well. I didn’t want to tell you because it would ruin things.” You stand up from the bench. And turn your back on him. “I’m sorry” you say under your breath. You run in the direction of your house. Jungkook doesn’t let his tears loose until he’s back in his car. He feels furious. Not at you but at the situation.

“Fuck!” He punches his steering wheel and sobs into his hand. He’s never felt so helpless.

Jungkook needed time to think about what had just happened in the last few hours. How could you not have told him sooner? He feels guilty for not knowing. He’s made you do so many things not knowing the risk he’s putting you in. He was out on a drive, no location in mind. He continued down the road mindlessly.

He doesn’t realize where he’s at until he stops the car. He’s in front of the cherry blossom trees. Maybe being here was good for him. There was a store right next to the exhibition. They had everything cherry blossom related. He walks through the entrance of the store and scans around.

There was a man standing behind the counter. He watches as the young boy walks through his store looking around. “Hey, you” he says. Jungkook turns his head to him and walks to the counter. “Are you looking for something?” Jungkook pauses and looks at the wall behind the man. There were pictures of cherry blossoms all over. He notices a plant behind him. He lifts his finger and points at and asks, “What is that?”. The man turns around and carries the plant to his counter.

“This is a cherry blossom plant” Without hesitation Jungkook pulls his wallet out and makes an exchange with the man.

On the way back to Yongsan, you were all that occupied Jungkook’s mind. He was worried like crazy about you. The thought of you sitting in bed not being able to do anything causes an ache in your chest. From now on, he promises that he’ll stay by your side for all eternity. He prays to the gods above to keep you down here with him until you grow old.

He promises to take care of you until he can’t anymore.

You’re sitting in your bed reading a book. The clouds have covered the sky, and the air is a bit cold. All your medication is set next to your bedside table. Jungkook drove all the way to your house after visiting the cherry blossom tree. He stood under the arch of your door and knocked on the door twice.

You look up from your book and he walks over to you. The sight he sees is making his stomach turn. You don’t deserve to live your life like this. You were still so young. You had your whole life ahead of you. Jungkook sits at the edge of your bed and holds your hand. He brings it up to his lips and kisses the back of it. He leans in to kiss your forehead and then your nose.

Leaning his forehead against yours he speaks in a quiet tone. “Hi, honey. How are you feeling?” Trying to keep the mood positive you smile at him and say, “I’m doing great how about you?” He knows when you’re lying. But he only laughs and response to your question. “I’m doing good, baby.” he pauses for a moment. “I, um, I bought you something.” You look at him curiously. “What did you get me?”

You tug the blanket away from your lap and you sit up properly. Jungkook holds your hands and carefully pulls you up. He brings you over to your window that looks out to the garden in your backyard. You see a little plant growing from the soil.

It was a cherry blossom tree.

Your heart swells with love as you realize what he has done for you, once again. You turn your body to him to engulf him in a hug. Burying your face into his neck, his scent brings you such comfort. You wish you could keep that scent with you forever. You place your hands over his cheeks and lock your lips with his. “Thank you, for everything. I love you so much.” Pecking his lips again. You’ve never been so full of love in your life.

~ Today’s weather matched perfectly with today’s events. Your doctor told you it would be best if you got out and took in some fresh air. You spent your time with Jungkook in the garden and talked for hours. He brought you so many snacks and a blanket like he did all those months ago. You sat cuddled in front of him as he rested his back against the bench. His head rested against yours as you spent your time talking about anything.

Jungkook brings up your list again.

“Are you ever gonna tell me about number one?” he says into your ear. You giggle as you think about it.

“Alright, I guess I have to tell you" You playfully roll your eyes. Jungkook pinches your waist and you burst out laughing.

“Okay! Okay! Do want to know or not!” you say

“Fine, I’ll stop. So, tell me”

“The very first thing I put on that list is for something I need to do after.” It becomes silent. Jungkook thinks for a moment, letting your words sink in.

After?

There shouldn’t be an after. Life wasn’t fair to you. That’s all Jungkook knew.

“And what is that baby?” he pulls you closer to his chest. Afraid that you’d disappear if he didn’t hold you tight enough.

“I want to become a butterfly. I want my wings to grow strong and healthy so I’m free. I want you to look for me. I’ll show you so many signs that I’m with you. Always.” You turn in his arms and place a delicate hand over his heart. Jungkook can’t help the stinging sensation he feels in the back of his eyes. He pulls you in for a soft kiss.

Lips moving slowly against one another. He can’t imagine his life without you in it. He’s not ready to let you go.

You entangle your fingers in his slightly curly hair. You kiss the corners of his mouth and then his nose. You look at the tiny mole just under his nose. Cute.

“You know I love you, right?” you say to him. The tears that fall from his eyes fall to his chin. You reach up and wipe them away. He takes hold of your wrist and kisses your palm.

You’re going to be alright.

With him by your side.

Jungkook was out in the yard of his house watching his siblings play as his mom was getting dinner ready. He hears a car approach his driveway. It’s Jimin. He stands up from the step to his front door and walks over to his car. Jimin closes the door, and he walks up to Jungkook.

His little siblings yelling at each other in their own little world. Jimin walks past them and smiles. He looks up at Jungkook and pats him on the back. Jimin and Jungkook were always closer than he and Taehyung. They basically grew up together. “I heard about __, I’m sorry” He looks down at his shoes and places his hands in his pockets “It must’ve been hard hearing that” Jungkook scoffs. Knowing that he has, who knows how much time with you is literally tearing him up inside. “Yeah, I mean I’m trying to spend as much time with her as I can, you know. Being without her right now is just killing me,” he says in a low voice.

“Look, she’s going to get better. Stop thinking about the worst, just enjoy what you have right now, and don’t think about what could happen or what could’ve been. She needs you right now and you need to be strong for her. She’d trying her best for you.” he says softly. Jimin was always that friend you could go to for anything. He was one of Jungkook’s comfort people.

“You’re right. Yeah, sorry. This is just so much information for me to take in. I can’t lose her, man” With a heavy heart Jungkook tries his hardest to not break down. Especially in front of his siblings. They’ve grown attached to you after you’ve visited them so many times.

They’re always asking for you or wondering how you’re doing. It’s the sweetest thing. Jimin ended up staying for dinner. He hadn’t been over since the fight with Taehyung. He’s just glad that he has his best friend back.

Jungkook’s never been this worried in his life. He’s called you multiple times and has sent over a hundred texts in the last hour. You haven’t responded to him at all. He decided to make the drive to your house to see what was going on. When he got there, he could’ve sworn his heart stopped beating; there were ambulence trucks parked outside of your house. He rushed over to investigate what was going on.

He saw your father sitting on the doorstep of the house, with his head in his hands, hanging low.

“Jungkook” he says

“What happened? Where is she? In a panicked voice Jungkook walks into your house and looks for you. You’re nowhere to be seen.

“They took her to the hospital. She was outside watering the plants and she collapsed. They said her heart is in critical condition.” Jungkook storms out of the house and speeds his way to the hospital. No way in hell is he letting you stay by yourself right now.

He speeds through traffic lights, not caring if he gets caught. He needs to see you, now.

~ He pushes through people to get to the front desk. “Excuse me do you have ___ ___ here. She was admitted not too long ago” he frantically asks the lady. She types into her computer and searches for your name.

“Yes, we do. She’s in room seven.”

“Thank you”

Slowing down his pace he scans through the different doors. Being here makes his stomach sick. You’re supposed to be in bed at home. With him. Not in a hospital with sick patients all over the place.

When he finally finds your room, he looks through the small window of the door. Your eyes are closed. He walks through the door, slowly as he approaches your bed. Your skin is pale, and they have you hooked to an oxygen tank. Jungkook makes his way to the side of your bed, and he breaks down sobbing. His hands shake as he takes your hand into his. Your skin is cold. Not like how he’s used to; he brings it to his lips and tries to warm them up with his breath.

The motion wakes you up. You crack your eyes open slowly and meet Jungkook’s gaze. You place your hands on top of Jungkook’s hair, comforting him. His eyes are puffy from how much he’s crying. He cried on the way to the hospital just thinking about your condition.

“Hi, honey” your voice comes out week. You slightly furrow your eyebrows as you take in his features.

“Why are you crying?” Your hand making its way down to his cheek to wipe away his tears. He laughs quietly and looks down at the bed.

“I’m glad you’re doing okay. I should’ve brought you something, but I was in a hurry. I was so worried about you I wasn’t thinking properly.” he says with guilt laced in his voice. He should’ve been there with you.

“Baby, stop beating yourself up, there’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent me from ending up in here. I’m okay. See?” you make silly moves, and this gets him to smile even bigger. He leans over to kiss your forehead.

“Don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“I promise”

Jungkook came to visit you every day. They still told you they needed to run some more tests on you to monitor your condition. Until then you were stuck in the small hospital bed. Jungkook would stop by before and after school until it became late into the night. He brought you snacks, plushies, some of your clothes, and stories that happened to him at school or about Jungha and Jungwoo.

You missed them so much. You haven’t seen them in weeks and Jungkook tells you that they keep asking for you. He also told you they prayed that you would soon get better so you could play with them again. The thought makes your heart melt.

Jungkook has never left your side since the day you got admitted. He waits day and night for you to come back home to him.

The TV was playing as you read your book (that Jungkook brought you) and he sits in the chair next to you as he’s on a call with his siblings. His hand is placed over your thigh, and he rubs back and forth gently.

“I wanna say hi to __” you here Jungha’s voice. You peek your head from the corner of the screen, and she screams loudly out of joy.

“Hi Jungha” you say softly with a smile spread across your face. She lets go of the phone and all you see is the ceiling. In the background you can hear her running around giggling. Her little face appears on the screen again and she yells “Hi __! I miss you sooooo much. Please come back soon!”

With a fond smile you look at her and say “I’ll try very hard to come back healthy for you sweetie. Make sure you listen to your mom and Jungkook while I’m away” you tell her.

“I always do! I’m a big girl!”

You laugh at her silly antics. Saying goodbye to her Jungkook hangs up the phone and looks at you. You return to your book and feel Jungkook’s stare on the side of your face.

Laughing, you look at him with confusion on your face.

“What?” you say softly.

He takes several minutes before he speaks.

“Marry me”

This takes you completely off guard. He wants you to marry him? There’s a warmth that spreads across your chest as you try to comprehend what just came out of his mouth.

“What?” it comes out as a whisper.

“Marry me __” he says in all seriousness. He’s never been so sure of something until he met you. You were his everything. He wanted to spend his life with you.

A small smile appears on your lips.

“Okay” His heartbeat picks up at your answer. He’s never loved someone as much as he loved you. He had already asked for your parents' blessing, and they surprisingly agreed.

He was finally able to spend the rest of forever with you.

~ They finally discharged you for one day. Having to beg and beg for them to let you out, they finally gave in.

Today was a cool spring day. The flowers are starting to bloom wildly, and the trees finally have their color back after the winter season. You and Jungkook planned everything over the course of two weeks. You wanted to have something small. The place you both chose was a little greenhouse chapel not too far from where you lived.

Your mother helped with your makeup and hair. The dress you wore was hers. It was an off the shoulder plain dress. You didn’t want anything too fancy, but nothing too little. It was perfect.

As you wait to walk down the aisle you see everyone sitting in their seats. Mrs. Kim was sitting with her husband near the front where the altar was. Jimin was sitting with Jungha and Junwoo with their mother. Your father had his armed hooked with yours as he waited to walk you down the aisle. The bouquet of flowers clads in your hand you hear the music begin to play. The song ’Try Again’ starts to play in a ballad.

At the end of the aisle, you see Jungkook. His hair is long enough to touch his eyebrows and his hands are crossed over his front. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears as he sees you standing there. You looked gorgeous in your dress. Walking down the aisle you see Jungha and Junwoo peek behind the chairs as they see you. Jungha has a huge smile on her face as she finally gets to see you.

You smile at both of them and turn your head back to your lover. Your dad places your hand into Jungkook’s and returns to his seat next to your mother. Jungkook had tears building up behind his eyes. He can’t believe he’s marrying the love of his life today.

“You may now be seated as we begin the ceremony of these two” everybody takes their seats, and the room becomes quiet.

“Now, let’s begin.” He clears his throat.

You look over to Jungkook and he mouths the words ‘I love you’ and you mouth them back.

“Do you Jungkook take ___ to be your wife?”

“I do”

“And do you ___ take Jungkook to be your husband.”

“May I have the rings please” Jungwoo emerges from his seat and walks up to the two of you. The pastor bends down slightly to take them from his hand. “Thank you” he smiles at him.

He cutely runs back to his seat and places his hands in his lap.

“Repeat after me Jungkook. I Jungkook”

“I Jungkook”

“Take you ___, to be my wife”

He repeats after him. He says the same thing to you. He gives each of you your rings and tells you to place them on one another’s finger.

“I know pronounce you husband and wife; you may now kiss the bride”

Jungkook pulls you in by your waist and kisses you deeply. You feel a smile spread across your face as you kiss your husband.

This was the happiest day of your life.

3 years later

Jungkook was sitting under the magnolia tree you used to meet up at. He had a piece of paper and a pen in his hand. He spent most of his days here thinking. His favorite time of the day is when he gets to spend his time at your spot talking to you. The pen hits the piece of paper he holds in his hand and he begins to write

My baby,

It’s been a long year once again without you by my side. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You're always on my mind, I’ve started classes and learned a lot of new things about flowers and nature. Now I see why you loved them so much. The tree outside of your house has grown a lot more. The pretty white leaves you loved so much are starting to show. I hope you're doing well. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. I wish every day that you would come back to me. I miss hearing your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss your beautiful face that lights any room you walk into, and most of all I miss hearing your beating heart next to mine

Jungha started school recently. She said that she would make you a painting whenever she felt sad, and I’d put it them next to my desk. I have a drawer full of them now. I told her that you would come in at night to check up on us and you’d plant kisses so light that she doesn’t feel them when she’s sleeping. She asks and talks about you a lot every day. Sometimes I run out of things to say to her. and just tell her that you’ll be back with us one day. But i can’t lie to her. I think she misses you as much as I do Jungwoo’s doing pretty well too. We’ve gotten closer these past few years. He misses you a whole lot too. We all do. Everyone is doing well; I hope you’re resting well now. Sometimes I dream that you're next to me. Telling me that everything is going to be okay.

And I think it will be. Everything will be okay as long as you’re close to me.

I love you, baby.

Jungkook looks up and sees a beautiful bright blue butterfly land on top of the paper. It flies away and a smile spreads across his face

Everything will be okay

a/n: AHHH IM CRYING. gosh writing this was such a rollercoaster. the fluff was too much for me to handle 😣. i hope you guys enjoyed this one. this was my favorite to write bc it’s after my favorite movie!! i hope i didn’t make yall cry 😭. ughhh i love their story so much.

#jungkook #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts #jungkook fanfic #jungkook oneshot #bts au #bts fic

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 8 months

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Seams drabble: Patch

{ Part IV: Notch | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist }

Rating: None

Summary: Ellie finds a Pride-themed sew on patch that leads to revelations.

Warnings: Pure fluff and love for this girl, some angst, coming out, total disregard of canon because I don't know how it goes in the game.

Word count: 1.3k

Notes: This idea struck me out of the blue many months ago, and I was waiting for 'the right place' in the series, until I mentioned it to a dear friend in passing conversation and then I just started writing it. Very lightly edited. Set at unspecified time frame after Part IV.

Ellie hums to herself from her spot in a cosy corner of the Outfitters, one watchful eye on the door. It’s an uncharacteristically slow Saturday, but she’s not complaining - she has her hands full.

A big canvas sack lies empty on the floor, its contents strewn haphazardly all over the wooden floor. The mess drives you up the wall, but you know better than to question her (very questionable) methods, so you’re ensconced in the safety of your studio while she sorts through the clothes and odds and ends that the patrollers brought back from their most recent outing.

Though infrequent - most settlements around Jackson have been painstakingly pilfered for anything useful over the years - it’s her favourite duty at the shop. Lucy is looser with the rules, but sometimes, you let Ellie keep little knick knacks that won’t sell.

The teenager goes through the pile thoroughly. Shirts go in one stack, jeans in another, followed by shoes, hats and scarves. Turning to the heap of smaller loose trinkets, she separates mismatched buttons, safety pins, shoelaces and zippers (as Maria always says, every little help), when something colourful piques her attention.

Plucking the piece of fabric out of the jumble, Ellie recognises it as a decorative patch that she’s seen sewn onto bags and shirts. It’s the size of her palm, cut in the shape of a rainbow, the colours still bright. Over the arches, bold white text outlined in black spells out NYC PRIDE 2003.

Tucking it into her pocket for now, she quickly finishes the rest of the sorting. Clothes go into the bin to be collected by the laundry, shoes for the cobbler’s, and accessories into a box to be priced and shelved.

Ambling into the back of the shop where you’re busy hemming a pair of jeans, Ellie plops into one of the rolling chairs, straddling the back of it, and the wheels screech as she careens across the floor to your sewing station.

Your lips quirk as you look up briefly at her. ‘Find anything interesting?’

‘Just this,’ she replies, flashing you the patch and reading aloud, ‘NYC Pride 2003. What does that mean?’

‘There used to be a big pride parade for the LGBT community every year in New York City,’ you explain. ‘They used to close down the streets and everything for it, it was a huge event.’

Ellie blinks, your answer taking her by surprise. She clears her throat, a distant buzzing at the back of her head as she turns the patch over pensively in her hand. ‘What - do you know what it was like?’

‘I’ve never been to one, but it always looked incredible. People used to line the streets in support, and everyone dressed up. There’d be rainbow flags everywhere, floats, dancing, music, and of course, it was an important way for the community to highlight and push for LGBT rights.’

‘You mean -’ she pauses, the unfamiliar feeling of stumbling over her words making her hands sweat. ‘You mean, people would just be out in public, like, being themselves?’

‘More than that - they were celebrating themselves.’

Ellie doesn’t realise she’s fallen quiet until you speak, ‘You can keep it if you want.’

Her head snaps up, disoriented. ‘Keep what?’

‘That.’ You nod towards the patch she’s clinging onto so tightly that her knuckles have gone white.

Panic prickles the back of her neck, an embarrassed heat suddenly making her want to pull at the collar of her flannel. But then you shrug and say, almost flippantly, ‘It’s pretty.’

‘Yes,’ she blurts out in hasty agreement, letting out a breath she’s been unconsciously holding. ‘It’s very pretty.’

Ellie is relieved when you turn back to the sewing machine, leaving her to retrace her steps to the front of the shop. The patch sits on the counter, where she leaves it, as she goes about her business for the rest of her shift.

Her eyes travel to the rainbow, and she thinks of how she wasn’t like the other girls at school, who fawned over dogeared photos of singers and actors long dead. She thinks of how she’s always known she’s different, but didn’t have the vocabulary to express it.

She thinks of Riley.

Riley.

For Riley.

When half three rolls around, you spot the teenager lingering by the studio doorway out of the corner of your eye, her backpack dangling from her fingers. Any other Saturday, you’d be lucky to catch the blurry shape of her shadow when she gallops out of the shop, throwing a see ya over her shoulder.

Thrown by her silence, you prompt, ‘Yes, Ellie?’

Scruffing the tips of her well-worn sneakers on the floorboards, she bites her lip in an atypical display of hesitance. ‘Pin, could you help me sew the patch onto my backpack? Please?’

You smile, eyes soft. ‘I’d love to. C’mon.’

‘You don’t have to do it now,’ she protests, feigning nonchalance, but her twitchy hands give her away. ‘Like, whatever, it’s no big deal.’

Wanting to put her at ease, you shrug. ‘No time like the present. Where do you want it?’

Putting her bag on your work surface, she points. ‘Guess right here under the wings.’

‘Perfect. Can you unzip the bag for me?’

You have Ellie hold the rainbow exactly where she wants it while you thread the needle, and you start sewing it in by hand, stitch by tidy stitch. It barely takes a couple of minutes, but time is of the essence - you haven’t heard the girl take a single breath of air since the anchor stitch.

Snipping off the thread with a flourish and giving it a once over, you grin. ‘There, all done.’

Ellie ducks her head, quiet as she takes the bag from your hands, running a thumb over the arches of the rainbow. Without a word, she suddenly throws her arms around you, hugging you tight.

‘Thanks, Pin,’ she mumbles into your hair.

Your heart swells, and you squeeze her back even tighter. ‘Anything for you, kiddo.’

On Monday morning, Ellie hovers in the hallway outside the kitchen, observing.

Joel is at the table, oblivious with his back to the door, her breakfast of two fried eggs over and easy and toast waiting at her usual spot at the table. Taking a deep breath, she bites the bullet and walks in, backpack in her hand.

‘Mornin’,’ grunts Joel, almost done with his own eggs, sunny side up.

‘Morning,’ she parrots back as she makes herself comfortable.

She usually just dumps her bag on the floor, but today, she pulls out the chair next to her and drops it into the seat. The unusual movement catches Joel’s eye, and he takes a good long look at the backpack.

Eventually, he points vaguely in what she assumes is the direction of the rainbow patch, and says, ‘That looks new.’

‘Yup, Pin helped me sew it on.’

He purses his lips, asking around a mouthful of egg. ‘You know what Pride is?’

She swallows thickly, and it takes a beat to unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth. ‘Yeah, Pin told me.’

He nods, then turns his attention back to his plate with no fanfare.

Not entirely sure if he caught the nuance but her mind too in knots to care, Ellie picks up her fork and doesn’t think twice when he gets up to put his dish in the sink.

She nearly chokes on eggs when strong arms close around her shoulders in a vice-like grip, scratchy beard on her temple, Joel’s voice so thick that it makes her think if she turns around, she’ll see tears in his eyes.

‘Proud of you, baby girl.’

Later that afternoon, Joel finds you alone in the shop, restocking the women’s outerwear rack.

You toss him a smile over your shoulder. ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’

‘Lucy ‘round?’ he asks.

‘When is she ever?’ you quip with no bite.

Three steps and he’s spun you around by the waist, soft lips latching onto yours in a sweet kiss with just a hint of heated aftertaste that has you swaying on your feet when he pulls back.

A breathless laugh bubbles in your throat as you palm his whiskered jawline. ‘Why, thank you for that, Mr. Miller.’

The corners of his eyes crinkle, and he brushes his nose tenderly against your cheek. ‘No, thank you, sweetheart.’

Notes: I hope I wrote Ellie's coming out as sensitively as I hoped to. As I mentioned, I have no idea how or if she comes out in the game, but despite being such a chatty teenager, I think she'd find it difficult to broach the subject with Joel in conversation. For me, this was a fun way of weaving in her part-time job at the Outfitters and Pin into her coming out story that stays true to Ellie's character. I hope you enjoyed this - comments and reblogs appreciated as always!

P.S. I am not 'back' back, so I don't know when I will next update Seams. Thank you for your patience while I try to navigate my way back to some semblence of writing regularly, whenever that may be.

Thank you @firefly-graphics for the dividers ❤️

#fuckyeahseams #seams drabble #the last of us fanfiction #ellie william fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader

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horsechestnut · 22 days

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Batfamily Chronological Reading List

Here it is, a massive list of Batfamily comics all sorted by issue release date so you can read them in the order they were originally intended to be read in, or easily reference back to what happened when. Do you want to know what Dick was up to during A Death in the Family? Need to know if Cass was around yet when Steph had her baby for your fan fic? Just a completion-ist with too much time on your hands like me? Then this is the list for you!

About six months ago I was trying to read my way through some old comics and getting insanely frustrated trying to figure out the order they went in. There are lots of reading lists online, but none of them gave me what I truly wanted: the order of individual issues rather than comic runs or collections. I also couldn't find any that featured all of the Batkids. So I took all of the reading lists I was using, found the On-Sale-Date for each of the issues mentioned, found a few other lists to fill in some gaps, and complied them into chronological order.

This list features what I consider to be the main 8 Batfamily members: Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Damian Wayne, and Duke Thomas. It is by no means every appearance of these characters, but it is hopefully all of the important ones and then some. By no means do I suggest reading all of these (unless you're slightly insane like me), it's more of a reference guide than a read list.

Some Disclaimers:

This is still a work in progress. You'll notice that the first third of the list is much more detailed than the more recent entries. That's because I haven't read them yet. As of now I've only reached Batgirl 2000 #15, but will continue updating as I go through (I'm hoping to finish sometime within the next 12 months).

This is not a Batman list. I have included some issues about Bruce that I feel are important to the overall story, but if I were to include all of his important issues it would make the list unusable. You should still be able to follow his character arcs through his role in the comics listed here.

I needed to cut off somewhere, so anything released after December 31, 2023 was not included. I may go back and change this later, but not any time soon.

I do not want to discredit any of the Batfamily members not included here (ie Kate, Helena, Jean Paul). They are all important to Bruce and Gotham in their own way, but again I needed to cut it off somewhere or I never would have found an end.

For any edits you wish to suggest, please do so through this form. Any suggestions given not through this form will not be considered, and as it says in the form, I also will not consider any that don't have an explanation.

Finally I need to say thank you and give credit to the people who's reading lists I used to create this:

cazzam - New and Improved Cassandra Cain Reading Guide Comic Book Herald - I used both their Complete Robin and Complete Batgirl Read Order Lists. The Comic Book Treasury - I used both their Robin Reading Order and their Duke Thomas Reading Order Comic Book Wire - The Signal Reading Order Daily Jason Todd - Jason Todd's Reading List Stephanie Brown Wiki Chronology Page

The Unoffical Guide to the DC Universe was also an incredible help with sorting out timelines, and all of my On-Sale-Date information comes from Grand Comics Database (GCD).

I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful! I'm happy to answer any questions, and if something isn't clear feel free to let me know!

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theyoungeragrippina · 4 months

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15 more gentlebeard fic recs!

that i have lovingly hunter/gathered for you all. may they act as sustenance for u in this drought.

they are all complete, do not feature any ongoing steddyhands, and are above 20k words.

peruse part 1 and part 2 at your leisure if you want to compare our tastes/devour more fine literature, or check out my masterlist as an ao3 collection.

happy reading!

it's what isn't in the name by @tciddaemina

41k, mature

"The first thing they see - apart from Captain Bonnet himself, all silked up and frilly and I sight in his own right - is the cat sitting primly by his ankles."

writing is top quality, the depth of understanding the author has for every character is unmatched. i have never felt so gutted to know a writer hasn't written anything else for ofmd.

clarity by @kat0nline

44k, explicit

"After an accident upends Stede and Ed's fragile new relationship, Ed fights to bring Stede back."

amnesia/memory loss fic done justice. mary continues to be the best and i love her. only note i wrote after i finished was 'screaming crying throwing up i love you author'.

you are at the top of my lungs by @ratchet

55k, explicit

"Ed has a simple life. He has a self-built, off grid, mostly self-sustaining house tucked away in the middle of a forest... the appearance of an incredibly nosy, incredibly handsome stranger three weekends in a row has him questioning every self-imposed rule he's ever set himself."

this is really a story about healing and hope and grief and love. one of my most favourite eds. this author makes me want to change my whole life, and in this case become an off grid chicken owner that grows food and has gay christmas dinners.

seven point three miles, also by @ratchet

20k (technically just under but it gets a pass because everyone should read it rn), teen and up

"Stede takes a job as a remote forest fire lookout in the summer following his divorce, with a plan to find out who he is, and what he wants his life to be. With the help of the enigmatic lookout on the other side of the forest, he ends up getting more out of the experience than he could ever have hoped."

when will this author receive their nobel prize in literature. i want to be a fire lookout now. i also want to scream and cry and maybe stare at the ceiling for five hours to process this fic. there is a reason everyone loves this fic.

fine dining by wishingonalightningbolt and sugarybowl

37k, explicit

"Edward Teach is one of the most famous chefs in the world, working under the handle Chef Blackbeard. Not one to be tied down, he does random pop-ups in all types of kitchens, and for the absurdly wealthy, he caters special events. Stede Bonnet wants to throw the best engagement party ever for his ex-wife and best friend, Mary. His assistant recommends the extravagant work of Chef Blackbeard."

my notes just say: 'ed is a chef and stede is a cute guy and they are cute together' and i think that is a pretty good summary tbh.

Old Bae Season by nomadsland

57k, explicit

"Ed picks Stede up at a bar for what ought to be a one-night stand, but it turns out they're attending the same academic conference the next day."

they are scientists and stede experiences self discovery. crab door knockers as a symbol of love. i love this fic because it made me smile so much (and want to get my life together, weirdly).

Vitalis by jfc_anna

29k, explicit

"Crown Prince Stede Bonnet. Reserved, anxious, and newly arranged to be married. A child is expected. Though, with the Prince’s lack of experience, is also highly unlikely. There are murmurs of an educator of sorts amongst the nobility, with raven hair and eyes like fire, who has been the cure of impotence and disagreeable attitudes. He has been called many names, whispered behind hands or between cracks in doors. Siren. Kraken. Devourer of Love."

short and sweet and so different from most other things i've read in this fandom. lots of flirting and pining and copious amounts of seduction.

all that might happen is here somehow by @sungmee

27k, teen

"Stede gets caught in a time loop at the moment where Badminton tries to shoot him."

i put off reading this because i thought i wasn't super keen on time loop fics. i was wrong. this is charming, and a little bit heartbreaking, and VERY well written, and i loved every word. don't make my mistakes. read this rn.

turn on the light by smallestchurch

55k, explicit

"Lighthouse Bookshop had been there seemingly since time immemorial. Over forty years at that spot, sitting proud, a beacon at the heart of the community, and when the old owner decides to sell, it's the perfect vessel for Stede's odd restlessness. And the building is connected to a famous cocktail bar run by a mad genius behind the stick."

smiling through my tears rn. i was so absorbed that the end of the fic came up on me like a jumpscare. stede and ed continue to be posterboys for maladaptive coping mechanisms. books & cocktails & outrageous flirting.

our tesco means death by @stedesparasol

21k, general

"Determined to prove he can earn a living without his family's wealth, Stede applies for a job at the UK's biggest retailer (probably). Hmm, I wonder who his supervisor will be... surely not a handsome bearded man sick of the retail grind until Stede joins his workplace and makes things interesting..."

so unserious and so funny. fuckin' brilliant. made me genuinely laugh out loud so much that my dad asked if i was okay.

Queen Anne’s Renovations and Remodelling by bythedamned

32k, mature

"Ed didn't know why Stede’s house had a room sealed off. Two decades gone, filled with the creation and destruction of things they'd never shared with each other, and Ed no longer had reading privileges to the Book of Stede. So he's left to wonder - what's in the room? Why is the door plastered over? And why does Ed remember kissing Stede on a make-believe ship they’d invented as kids?"

thank u sm to @okayestokapi for the rec!! i love the sort of magical-mystery vibe this carries the whole way through & the conclusion was so charming and clever. heaps of fun.

help me to find peace (tell me you're okay) by @percyjacksonfan3

38k, general

"Stede and the crew come to find Ed and make things right. Turns out Ed is doing the same".

i am simply a sucker for a good post s1 reunion fic, and this is up there with the best. it flows really well, the characterisation is so good, and it felt like such a natural continuation of the s1 story and character arcs!!

Invisible String by @dimplyowl

48k, mature

"Scourge of the Caribbean" has been Stede's favorite book series since he was 12 years old. Now, age 47, divorced, and an aspiring author, he turns back to the series to draw inspiration from the familiar story. But as he starts reading, he realizes that something is different. Blackbeard, the main character, is apathetic and depressed, and the story has changed. Even stranger still, Stede seems to be the only one aware that this change has occurred."

more magic realism!!!!! this is so much fun and such a clever idea (plus such clever execution)! lots of flirting and stede being flustered and cute dates.

The Lion, the Witch and the Auxiliary Wardrobe by @xoxoemynn

21k, explicit

"Edward "Blackbeard" Teach's foolproof strategy to get over devastating heartbreak: 1) bring a witch aboard the ship 2) get trapped in an auxiliary wardrobe with the man who broke your heart 3) well, you'll have to read to find out."

in this house we read everything em writes because it is all brilliant and hilarious, and this is no different. its silly and fun and still tender and sweet, and ed & stede get to be just as embarrassing as they deserve (also there is a currently updating work by the same author u should look at too - take it as an unofficial rec).

Due North by surprise pink (+ gorgeously illustrated by @sungmee who appeared earlier on this list!!!!!!)

28k, mature

"Burnt out from his corporate job and his miserable marriage, Stede takes a seaside vacation where he meets Ed, an artist who takes inspiration from strange dreams that feel like memories. A museum exhibit about Blackbeard and the Gentleman Pirate brings them together, but it doesn't feel like the first time they've met."

had me googling 'pirate museums near me???' urgently at 1am. romeo & juliet meeting through a fishtank/starcrossed lovers vibes. absolute oodles of pining. a joy of a time to read.

#please send me more recs or requests or whatever!!!#i want to know ur fav fics!!!#these posts take ages to make but i love doing them sm #every recommendation is simply the cream of the crop and they should all be applauded as much as possible #if you are on this list you are talented & incredible and ily #our flag means death #ofmd #our flag means death fic recs #gentlebeard #gentlebeard fic recs #gentlebeard fanfic #blackbonnet #blackbonnet fanfic #blackbonnet fic recs

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enpr-ss · 25 days

Text

Hermitcraft charity stream 2022 Highlights:

- 25k goal being broken by the Australians even before the event started, and the jokes about ending the stream there and seeing them next year

- Getting Martyn to do the donation readouts is GENIUS. He makes it actually entertaining to listen to!

- Martyn listening to Ren the most lol

- The bell bringing back Techno money bell memories

- Basalt Assault being broken by too much boomification (as predicted by Bdubs)

- Doc falling into Dunk Tank in the final winner-take-all round

- All the goofy skins (especially Grian’s cursed skins) and IRL costumes (Pearl’s old man mask, and Tango’s millions of hats)

- Every time Etho is confused about his fanbase

- Grian finishing backwards because “it’s the only way he can see” with his built-in rear view mirror

- Pearl getting to keep her horse from Horse Course!

- “Coming in not least but last” - Bdubs

- Scar actually doing so well on all the games actually?! I didn’t realize he was second on Horse Course

- “MY BLADDER’S FULL OF URINE” - Bdubs

- “While we were on our pee-pee break for the weak bladder people” - Doc

- Etho’s elytra glitching, with Cleo and Grian hitting him around

- Racers stealing other boats. Tango and Cub winning the race by a mile through switching drivers at the bubblevator

- Jevin fell down the powdered snow section LOL!

- Iskall fixing the Hermit Incentives redstone by just moving the dispenser and the button

- The speed at which Doc’s diamonds DISAPPEARED and then all the subsequent mocking just as a 5k soon came through

- Ren: “Nothing will calm your nerves more than Grian’s gong”

Grian: screaming “LALALALALAAAAAL” as he smashes the gong repeatedly (twice)

- Bdubs being spleefed by Tango (VIA PREINSTALLED REDSTONE) into a hole and Doc not caring because he doesn’t have any diamonds. And then Etho punching Tango into the same hole.

- Grian: “I need everyone to take a really nice deep breath in through the nose-”

Everyone: *exaggerated gasps and choking noises*

Grian: “We’re doing that again because everyone FAILED at breathing”

Doc’s panicked breathing and getting TNT to blow everyone up

Scar: “Can I get another dong real quick?”

Grian: “With a g, yes you can.”

- Scar made Panda Resue (lol) in ONE NIGHT?!?! But with no pandas lol

- Doc on strike until he gets his diamonds back

- Bucket rush more entertaining than expected and Scar absolutely killing it

- Hermits interpreting the 350k goal as returning Doc’s diamonds (THEN GRIAN RESTEALING THEM AND SETTING 400K AS THE GOAL FOR THE RETURN LOL)

- All the lore that I’m getting it discover as a new fan!!!

- How the hermits are perfectly quiet whenever another is explaining game rules or when Martyn is reading out donos.

- Impulse being absolutely on the ball with all the drumrolls

- Etho and his pvp player head + item collection mechanics

- Scar absolutely bowspamming yellow team, and Red Team continuing to kill for the spawn mechanics lol. ALMOST WINNING BY 1 POINT!!!

- Martyn with the stellar Battle Bane commentary!

- Scar donating on behalf on those who cannot donate, and apparently this is a common thing with him??? Amazing.

- The carts will have hermitcraft plaques!!

- Glasgow family’s 1k dono: Donated in memory of Technoblade.

- All the smooth backend operations by fans and others! Nothing broken amazingly.

- Doc still asking about the diamonds and Martyn announcing that he had them in a plot twist and logging out

- Only 1 week of prep??!! Insane

- $425k raised!!!! Incredible!!!!!

- Bro when Ren and Tango said Joe’s beard had legos and pinballs in it THEY WERE NOT JOKING. Omg. I genuinely thought the mechanical part was like part of his microphone set up. A SIX DOLLAR HUNTING KNIFE?!???? FROM THE GROCERY OUTLET??? WITH BRASS KNUCKLES??? FOR PIZZA???? This is my first time watching a Joe stream. is he always like this. His transparent facecam overlay is also cool; I like it better than the usual corner ones. HE ACTUALLY WENT WITH THE CRAYOLA SCISSORS??? No mirror only OBS??? His concern with accidentally hurting himself is not being able to talk and violating TOS LOL. HES GOING TO FILTER OUT THE BLOOD SO THAT TWITCH DOESNT BAN HIM. He’s doing it in the worst way possible as a commitment to the bit. He’s so hostile to capitalism it’s great. All after an 8 hour driver from Chicago. MUMBO COSPLAY LOL

#hermitcraft charity #hermitcraft #gtws #grian #docm77 #joe hills #itlw #etho #rendog #pearlescentmoon #bdubs #tango #impulse #this has been sitting in my drafts for a while #better publish before someone mistakes it for the new charity stream like they did with decked out lol #enpr-ss

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lokisbiiiitch1993 · 8 months

Note

Hello! I was hoping to make a request if possible please.

Frigga and reader often knit and embroidered together. One day Frigga asks the reader about a deep green and gold blanket they are knitting and how they have been spending so much more time and care working on it then other projects. They end up shyly admitting to her it's for Loki and that they have feelings for him, but know they are probably not reciprocated. Write the ending as you feel if you decide to do this!

Thank you for taking time to even read this! ❤️

Ohh I love this Idea 💡

A Blanket made with Love for the God of Mischief - Loki

It's been almost a year since Queen Frigga invited you for the first Time for Afternoon Tea and Gossip.

Since then you joined her regularly.

One Day as you were sitting and talking - the Side Table next to Frigga caught your Eye or rather the Knitting Work on it .

You were impressed by the Pattern and Technique used

you couldn't help but praise her for this incredible needle work and telling her how envious you are of her skill.

From that moment Frigga teaches you knitting and embroidery.

After some Time you had finished a Collection of Scarves ,Socks and Cardigans.

Loki loves to tease you and asks all the time - Darling,when will you create something for Me? Making you blush.

One time when he got too annoying you jokingly stabbed him with a Needle and he started to act all theatrical -whining - Ouch

You are lucky I used just a Needle and not a Dagger you said sarcastic.

Since then he calls you Stabby Lady .

A few days later you decided to start a new Project a big Blanket in deep green and gold for Loki .

Now it's Frigga who's impressed by your Dedication and Determination.

Curious she started to ask you out -

You spend so much more time and care on this Work

Is it a Present?

For someone special?

No need to be shy , you can tell me ,she said excited

Well...I... yes ..

It's for Loki , you answered shyly

I .. like him.. I like him very much..

I don't know if he feels the same.... I mean I don't believe he does ... I just think he likes to tease me.. a lot.. he always asked me to make him something and now I did ... I am just curious about his reaction

I am sorry.. I shouldn't even talk about him like that with you, you are his Mother and the Queen - you mumbled nervously

Please,calm down , everything's alright, I was asking you out

and about Loki I know he loves playing his games and enjoys the Attention but he is a good Boy .

I just want him to be happy and I am sure you could make him happy ,said Frigga with a Smile

A week later you finished the Blanket and wrapped it up nicely in an exquisite looking Paper .

You went to Loki's Room and knocked on the Door as he opened you pressed the present against his Chest and said - Here for you - I hope you are happy now

He hadn't even time to blink as you ran off - embarrassed

Loki opened the Present - it was a knitted big green and golden Blanket

It's also embroidered - Loki the God of Mischief

Silly Girl ,he said with a smirk

On the next Day Loki went to you as he saw you walking around the Castle Gardens , nervous you tried to run away but Loki is faster and grabbed your Arm - Darling, Stop running away from me . you stopped walking and stood still as he whispered against your Ear - your present kept me warm last night - your cheeks reddened

Thank you , I like it . . . . .and I like you-he said softly

Happily you leaned against his Chest and he hugged you

My Masterlist

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thebeast-dennis-etcetera · 2 months

Text

Girls Night

“You owe me 200!”

“Fine! Just take all my money!”

You laughed, throwing the paper money at her and taking a sip of your wine. It was safe to say that you sucked at playing Monopoly. Ellie had ownership of all the railroads and utilities, Abby had at least 2 hotels on each of her properties, and Alex spent most of her time in jail.

It still wasn’t a match for you, who had 25 dollars to your name, 2 properties that only generated around 30.00 total in rent, and would miss the free parking space every chance you got. When your time came and you rolled the cursed dice, the Monopoly Gods decided to end your pathetic gaming reign by putting you in jail.

“Alright, well I’m out,” you stated defeatedly, taking a long sip of wine as your confirmation.

“Aw, it’s alright Y/N. Maybe you’ll do better the next game!” Abby tried but you shook your head with a quickness.

“Absolutely not. Not only is this game rigged to make me realize how terrible of a homeowner I am, but it lasts forever! Alex knows, she’s been in jail for the last three turns.”

“Hey, I don’t mind it. I just collect all my rent money while I’m in here,” Alex retorted.

You laughed as you heard the front door open and saw Jethro walk in with a grocery bag and a bottle of whiskey. You got up from your spot immediately, happy to see him home finally and walked over as he set the stuff down on the kitchen counter. He had let the team go home earlier in the night but told you he needed to stay behind to do some paperwork on their latest case. Abby was the first one to suggest the girls game night and it didn’t take much convincing of Ellie or Alex when the promise of wine, snacks, and a warm fire were included.

“Hey hun. You just missed my embarrassing defeat in Monopoly. Remind me to never play this game with your team again, they’re entirely too good. And I think Abby’s been hiding all the good chance cards up her sleeve.”

He chuckled as you gave him a welcome home kiss and started noisily poking around in the goods he had brought home.

“Ooh. Chips, dip and whiskey? You trying to butter me up sir?”

He smiled and pried the bottle from your hands. “Whiskeys mine. And it sounds to me like you’re already buttered up,” he teased softly, not wanting his special agents to hear your two’s playful PDA. With another small kiss, he walked out to the group of girls and surveyed the real estate war.

“Doing well Abbs. Bishop, I like your strategy. And Quinn, stop hiding in jail.”

“I’m not hiding! I’m just taking my time,” she defended as everyone laughed.

“I’ll be downstairs if you girls need me. Good night.”

They called out their farewells as he made his way into his little woodworking dungeon and you took your spot back, bringing the new snacks with you.

“Alright Banker Abby. I need a loan,” you pleaded.

————

The clock read 11 pm once the girls left and you cleaned up your game space. In the end, it was Ellie who won, most likely due to her incredible NSA analysis skills and you had ended up with at least more than the small loan Banker Abby gave you. Once you put all the furniture back and glassware in the dishwasher, you made your way downstairs to see Jethro.

There was light country music and a muted tv playing as you watched him slowly move the sandpaper over his newest project. He had finished the boat a while back and offered to build you some beautiful planter boxes for the garden you wanted to start once spring came around.

It was always a treat for you when you watched him work. His movements were smooth and calculated, knowing just how much pressure to apply or what angle to use and seeing him wearing his tool belt and covered in sawdust just did it for you.

“You gonna stand there all night?” he called out with a smirk.

Walking over, you hopped up on one of the counters and took a small sip of his mason jar whiskey, slightly cringing at the taste.

“You know who would be really great for Ellie? Nick. I think their different personalities would really even each other out.”

“Rule number 12, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment. Since when do any of his subordinates follow it, including himself. You knew all about his past with the director and Sloan, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Rule number 83. Don’t be a hypocrite,” you quipped, making up your own rule.

He gave you the look that you see from him to his team all the time but it didn’t work on you so you just smiled cheekily back at him. He stopped sanding and came over, taking the glass from your hands and finishing the awful brown liquor, your arms snaking around his neck. He smelt like a lumbermill mixed with a distillery and you loved it. You loved it even more when you pulled him in for a kiss and tasted the leftover vapors of his whiskey on his tongue. The effect of drinking your 3 glasses of wine had you feeling warm and fuzzy and made Jethro’s touch electric.

When you two pulled away, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear before speaking. “Let’s go to bed.”

Not needing any convincing, you nodded and he helped you down, taking off his toolbelt and carelessly dropping it on one of the tables before following you back upstairs.

#gibbs x reader #leroy jethro gibbs #ncis #ncis fanfiction #agent gibbs #mark harmon #ncis request #jethro gibbs x reader #ncis imagine #jethro gibbs fanfiction

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ilovecoelacanths · 6 months

Text

This is a story about a book that changed my life.

It's also about how amazing libraries and authors and people who care about sharing cool things with curious kids are. Also, fish (especially fish). It's kind of different than what I usually post but it's been bouncing around in my head basically since I started this blog so here you go, I hope you like it. This is the reason I love coelacanths so much, and why I think everyone should know about how amazing they are.

When I was little, I loved going to the library. My little brother and I would pick out way too many books and the librarians always had to come over to override the 30 book limit at the checkout stand (they pretty much knew us on sight and were ready to override it as soon as we started heading over to check out). After we finished getting our library books, our mom also let us look through the free pile that was in the foyer on the way out. It was mostly old library books that the librarians just needed to clean out, but there were a lot of books that people brought when they cleaned out their personal collections too (especially teachers, and there were a bunch of books with old school library stamps inside). The free pile didn't usually have a lot of things that interested me, but one day when I was poking through it I found a book called Fossil Fish Found Alive: Discovering the Coelacanth, by Sally M. Walker.

I loved it. I had never even heard of coelacanths before, but this book fascinated me. It told the story of an incredible animal, long thought to be extinct, that had somehow survived for millions of years! It was nothing like any fish I had ever learned about before. I already had a casual interest in marine biology that I can thank PBS Kids and Wild Kratts for (particularly their episode on sperm whales and giant squid, I loved that episode), but this book took it to a new level. I wanted to be a marine biologist so I could learn more about coelacanths.

Like a lot of things when you're 7, that was a phase. Unlike a lot of phases, this one I came back to. After taking a break from my dreams of being a marine biologist to experience the hell that is middle school, one day I pulled a book off my shelf. I hadn't read it in a while. When I picked it up again, I remembered how incredible this animal was, and how much it had inspired me when I was younger, and those thoughts of becoming a marine biologist started to return. I'm in college now studying marine science, and I brought the book with me to school, where it sits next to two other science books that have inspired me (My Friends the Wild Chimpanzees by Jane Goodall and The Sea Around Us by Rachel Carson).

Earlier this year, I was thinking about how much this one book had changed my life and I wondered if I could find Ms. Walker and thank her. I knew she had many other science books for younger audiences, and even another book about coelacanths, so I was sure she had a website of some kind, and I was right. So I found her contact page and wrote her an email explaining the impact her book had had on my life, and thanking her for it. And to my surprise, she responded! She was very kind and we sent a few emails back and forth. She gave me some excellent advice and even told me about some of the people she contacted while researching her book, including Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer herself, the person who rediscovered the coelacanth when it was thought to be extinct! I'll never forget how she took the time to respond to me and how encouraging she was.

But Ms. Walker isn't the only one I have to thank for pointing me toward the path I'm on right now. If I hadn't already loved reading, if I hadn't seen any show or video to make me interested in marine biology, if the library didn't have a pile of books for anyone to take home, if I had lost that book during one of our many moves as a kid, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. There were a lot of things that happened to make it so that I found this book, but I'm glad for every single one of them. They led to me learning about an incredible animal and changed the course of my life. And now, I love coelacanths.

#long post #bee talks #my post #coelacanth #i love coelacanths #omg guys its the long awaited ilovecoelacanths backstory post #it came out kinda sappy lmao but whatever im gonna post it even though its so cheesy #ugh i hate being genuine and showing emotion on the internet it makes me feel so cringe. but whatever. cringe is dead so #also wow look at that i actually CAN use real grammar when i want to #not a single smiley face emoticon in this whole post. why did i do that. i like my little guys #here. here's one. :]

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chelseeebe · 1 year

Text

true colours. | part 2 to maneater.

summary: steve harrington is just desperate to get you on a date. but old habits die hard as you can’t seem to stop sabotaging yourself.

part 3 is actually already basically finished so it’ll be posted soon <3

also billy is in this!! i would’ve used eddie but i needed an asshole lol

reader is a lil self destructive but we love her so it’s okay

read part one here. | read part three here.

steve harrington had become utterly obsessed with you.

the fact that he couldn’t have you was only making matters worse.

you had him hanging off of your little finger, desperate for your attention. his school days consisted of trying to garner your attention, willing you to just look across the room at him.

it hadn’t helped that your friend jessica had started dating his friend, meaning the two of your groups were now overlapping. being forced to go and watch their basketball practice at lunch, steve so obviously showing off and stripping down for you.

‘just go on one date with him, and then james can stop trying to get me to convince you,’ jessica whined.

she figured it would be pretty much perfect, you and steve and her and james.

‘y’know apparently he doesn’t shut up about you, he’s literally in love,’ she nudges you, as your eyes follow said boy around the gym.

and then at the end of every day, without fail, he was waiting at your locker, leaning back against the metal.

‘so, any news on that date? getting bored of waiting here,’ he leans on his arm, looking down at you.

‘hmmm,’ you shrug, ‘still not sure, sorry stevie,’ you collect your books, and begin to walk out of the school.

he follows after you, like a lost puppy dog.

‘y’know, there’s plenty of girls in this school begging to be in your position,’ he states, now walking next to you.

you know this is his half-assed attempt at making you jealous.

‘okay, well you go ‘head and make some girl very happy then,’ you smirk, two can play at that game.

‘well- no.. i could, but.. i’m giving you this opportunity,’ he’s stumbles through the sentence, flustered at your nonchalant response.

you reach your car and unlock the door, but steve’s hand slams onto the window before you can pull it open. before you can even turn to look at him, you’re pressed against the car.

‘steve,’ you groan, glaring up at him.

his eyes are firmly on your lips, hand on your waist as his hips brush against yours.

‘y/n,’ his face now inches from yours, your chest heaving up and down at the feel of his body against yours.

he did things to you. as much as it pained you to admit, he was probably the first guy you’d slept with that you’d even slightly entertained after having sex.

he leans down, planting his lips on yours as his other hand cups your face.

your eyes flutter shut, unable to resist kissing him back. you can feel him smirk into the kiss as your free hand snakes around his neck.

he pulls back, lips hovering above yours, ‘so, date? or do i have to kiss you again?’

you can only roll your eyes, attempting to conceal the smile creeping onto your lips.

‘what would we do on this.. date?’ you question, wanting to retract the sentence almost immediately.

he beams, ‘you’ll see,’ his lips crash onto yours again, hand slowly sliding up your waist.

you pull back, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him backwards, ‘i’m going home now, you can pick me up at seven.’

he grins, reaching down and opening your car door for you. you slide into the car, as he closes the door.

you roll down the window, ‘i live on olympia, i’ll be outside waiting so you better be on time,’ you state as you back out of the space, his eyes watching as you drive away.

steve’s already waiting outside before you can step out. he’s leaning against the maroon bmw, passenger door open for you.

‘wow, such a gentleman,’ you walk up to him, patting his chest as you slide into the car.

he closes the door and gets in the drivers side, head turned to look at you, ‘jeez, you look incredible.’

you flash him a smile in response, ‘well thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself.’

he grins, starting the car and pulling off.

‘don’t let that get to your head,’ you note, watching him as he drives.

admittedly, the date was quite fun. getting to know him outside of his king steve persona in school.

there was no showing off or trying to impress anyone, just steve harrington being his full authentic self.

he’d taken you bowling, of course he was much better than you were.

‘you’re a little whore, you’ve had more practice than i have,’ you pout as he gets his third consecutive strike.

‘hey, don’t be blame me for the fact that you’re shit,’ he walks back to the bench, slinging his arm around your waist and spinning you round.

a giggle escapes your lips as you break away, walking over to the lane, ‘fuck off trying to distract me,’ you stick your tongue out at him.

after he absolutely kicks your ass at bowling, he takes you out for food at enzo’s. sharing a bowl of pasta with him.

you’re now back sat in his car, parked up in the near empty parking lot.

‘i’ve actually had a really good time tonight,’ you smile at him, not wanting to inflate his ego.

he chuckles, ‘me too, though you suck at bowling,’ he nudges you with his elbow.

‘shut up, i’m not that bad,’ you turn to look at him, leaning over the centre console.

‘mm, you definitely were that bad,’ he looks down at your lips, licking his in anticipation.

‘you’re only good because you’ve had so much practice,’ you lean in closer to his face, hand now resting on his knee.

‘yeah? you jealous?’ he teases.

‘never,’ you slide your hand up his leg, stopping at the top of his thigh.

‘mm hmm i’m sure,’ he whispers as you run your hand over his crotch.

you lean over and kiss him, rubbing his now semi-erect cock as he groans against your mouth.

he slips his tongue into your mouth, his large hand now on the small of your back, trying to pull you onto his lap.

‘get in the back,’ he mumbles against your lips, pulling at the hem of your dress.

‘mhm, needy boy,’ you smirk, beginning to clamber into his back seat as he steps out, sitting on the leather seat before you can contort your body through the gap in the seats.

he pulls you onto his lap, knees either side of his thighs as your hands catch yourself on his shoulders.

you tilt your head down, kissing his soft lips as his fingers dig into the exposed skin on your waist.

pulling the hem of his shirt up and over his head before resuming the passionate kiss as you fumble with his gold belt buckle, attempting to undo the brass buckle.

he slides your jeans down your thighs, grunting as the contact between you is broken. your hips buck against his, fingers sliding into the back of his hair, lightly tugging as his fingers hook into the waistband of your underwear.

you moan into his mouth as you slide his boxers, his erect cock springing up.

'quick, princess.. need to be in you,' he pants, pulling your underwear down to your knees. the pet name makes your stomach curl, wanting nothing more but to please him.

you sit up, holding his cock as you guide it into your entrance, already slick with arousal. you moan at the sudden feeling of fullness, his hands grabbing onto the fat of your hips.

you begin to bounce, throwing your head back against the headrest, fingers tangled in his hair as his lips kiss down onto your exposed neck, leaving soft purple bruises.

'oh shit, steve,' slamming your hand onto the now steamed window for stability.

his arm wraps around your waist, beginning to pump into you from below, hips rolling against each other.

you feel your climax begin to build in your stomach, fingers curled into his hair as he begins to fasten his pace.

‘fuck,’ the desperation in your raspy voice evidence of your climax and your legs begin to weaken around his.

‘god, you look so fuckin’ good cumming on my dick,’ he grunts, his last few thrusts becoming sloppy as he empties himself into you.

your name tumbles from his lips repeatedly, alongside a bunch of profanities when he presses his moist forehead to yours.

with a smirk plastered across your face, ‘you’re such a desperate little boy,’ now running your fingers through his damp hair.

‘yeah? n’ who’s fault is that?’

‘hmm, i’ve got no idea,’ you press your lips against his, feeling him smile into the kiss.

you pull back, drawing a smiley face in the condensation on his window.

‘don’t-,’ but he was too late.

‘what?’

he sighs, but his grin tells you he’s not serious, ‘drawings always stick to the window, something with the condensation.’

‘oh well, now you’ll always have my smiley face in your car,’ you give him a toothy grin.

'i'll cherish it forever,' he smiles back.

he drops you home in the early hours of the morning, after spending hours upon hours nattering about everything and nothing.

you go to sleep with steve harrington on your mind. hating the way he had so easily crept into your mind, how you could feel yourself ever so slowly falling for the golden haired boy.

you'd practically begged steve to come with you to emily's birthday party.

all of your friend's had found themselves with boyfriends, and you were not prepared to sit there all night watching them sucking face.

he’d only conceded when you’d agreed to stay round his after the party.

you’re sat on the tiny couch, steve to the side of you as the game of truth or dare drags on.

‘truth or dare?’ the mousy girl asks, billy sits forward from the couch, that shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

you may have had a short fling with him the summer he’d moved to town. before school started and his asshole interior had crept through.

‘dare,’ he nods.

‘hmm, i dare you to make out with the hottest girl in the room,’ she smiles. you notice the crowd of girls practically pucker themselves up, anticipating the action.

billy stands, eyeing a few of the preened girls and then turns and makes a beeline for you.

he leans down, tilting your chin up towards him as he plants his lips on yours. you kiss him back, almost autonomously, as there’s a collective gasp from the room. he growls into the kiss and you push him back by his shoulder, observing the mischievous grin on his face.

‘something wrong harrington?’

your eyes turn to the boy on your right, his mouth taut as he scowls at billy.

‘yeah, actually there is,’ steve stands from his seat on the couch, almost eye level with billy.

‘oh yeah? did i kiss your girl? she didn’t seem too upset,’ he taunts, shoving him backwards.

you grab onto steve’s hand, but he pulls it away, flashing you a dirty look in the process.

steve couldn’t believe it, you’d been so close to him. the only person to break him from his usual routine of fucking and chucking girls. he’d been completely vulnerable with you on the date, a version of himself so few got to see.

and now, you’d kissed someone else quite literally a few inches from his face. it was the fact it wasn’t just anybody, it was billy.

the two of them had never seen eye to eye, in face steve actively disliked the curly-haired boy.

‘yeah well, how’d my dick taste?’ steve snaps, pushing past billy and storming out of the crowded room. eliciting a loud roar from the group of students.

‘wow, your boyfriend’s a bit sensitive sweetheart, you might wanna go and see what’s up,’ billy jokes, eyes back on you.

you shake your head, ‘oh, shut the fuck up,’ but you oblige, following steve out of the room and into the empty garden.

‘steve?’ you call out, as you spot his dark figure leaning against the wall.

you go to join him, ‘it’s just a stupid game, chill out,’ placing your hand on his arm.

‘are you joking? seriously, i can’t tell,’ his jaw clenched as he yanks his arm back from you.

‘what? it was a dare, it doesn’t mean shit,’ you argue back. you’d been on one date with the boy, yet he was acting like you’d just destroyed your committed relationship?

‘you kissed him back,’ he states, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘so what? you’re not my fucking boyfriend steve, so stop acting like it,’ you regret the sentence almost immediately as you watch his face falter.

‘what did you think this was? a bit of fun? someone new to mess around with?’

your face hardens, is that how he saw you?

‘i don’t know,’ you shrug, ‘i’m sorry if you got that impression of me but i have never, ever wanted a boyfriend, let alone some overprotective security guard.’

he shakes his head, pushing himself off of the wall as he begins walking out of the garden.

‘steve,’ you weakly call after him, but it’s useless. he’s already gone. you can hear his bmw race off down the street.

you shake off the argument, spinning on your heel reentering the party. past the gaggle of people that had gathered to watch your argument.

steve’s words linger in your mind, instead of stewing in the argument, you grab the nearest bottle and taking a rather large swig of the liquid, burning as it slides down your throat.

you push all thoughts of steve to the back of your mind, now only focussed on the booming music and the clear bottle in your hand.

you groan, awoken by your splitting headache. face down in the pillow.

lifting your head to look around the familiar room. it was steve’s bedroom.

but this time he wasn’t next to you in the bed. instead you lead there all alone. now dressed in one of his t-shirts.

you sit up, hand immediately flying to your forehead, as if to remedy the searing pain in your head.

steve, who was curled up on the floor next to the bed, stirs awake, blinking up at you.

‘you’re alive,’ he mumbles, sounding shocked at the revelation, his hoarse morning voice apparent.

‘yes..?’ you question, ‘am i not supposed to be?’

‘not with the way you were last night, i only slept in here to make sure you didn’t choke to death on your own sick,’ he sits up, rubbing his eyes at the light peaking through his blinds.

‘oh.. i don’t.. really remember much..’ the night before just a splodge of black in your mind.

you can remember arguing with steve and then.. going back to the party.. but that was it. anything that had happened beyond that point was lost.

‘yeah i’m not surprised,’ he says pointedly, a slight frown on his lips.

‘why am i.. how am i here?’

‘jessica called me, told me to come and pick you up because you were fucked up, apparently you were threatening to fight everyone.. and then you threw up all over yourself,’ he’s says it with a certain vim to his tone, throwing it in your face.

you can’t help but snort, sounded about right for you. explaining why you’d ditched the dress and were now in steve’s closes.

steve doesn’t find it quite so amusing.

‘you remember kissing billy?’ his words are like venom, attempting to hurt you.

‘yeah.. in truth or dare,’ you spit back at him. reiterating the fact that it your whole argument stemmed from some stupid party game.

‘no, this was after i left, you were halfway to his car when i arrived,’ he says matter-of-factly, his tired eyes staring at you.

‘oh.. then no,’ you shake your head, looking down at the blanket, unable to meet his gaze.

‘yeah.’

you blink as your eyes begin to well. you hadn’t meant to ruin whatever was going on between you and steve, it was just what you did.

unable to let anyone get close. and if they did? you’d find a way to ruin it.

like when you’d kissed your first boyfriend’s best friend after he’d told you he loved you. or the time you ran off with your next boyfriend’s much older brother when he’d confessed his feelings to you.

there was always something, even if you’d never anticipated it. you couldn’t help the impulsive feeling to ruin whatever situation you found yourself in, no matter how you felt about it them.

‘steve, i’m so sorry,’ the tears spill onto your cheeks. this was the first time you’d actually apologised for your destructive behaviour.

‘i don’t want to be a part of whatever game you’re playing, not anymore.. i think i’ve made my feelings for you pretty obvious.. i won’t spell it out for you.’

‘i’m not playing a game, steve.. i don’t know what i’m doing, but it’s not on purpose.. i just- i can’t help it,’ you’re sobbing into your hands now, last nights mascara smudging over your palms.

‘well.. you need to figure out whatever it is you’re doing and then come and find me,’ he stands from the floor, grabbing his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head.

he sighs, the very sight of you curled up, crying was breaking his heart.

you sniff, ‘i’m sorry, really i am.’

he bites the inside of his cheek, ‘yeah,’ he walks over to the door, ‘c’mon i’ll drive you home,’ if you stayed any longer he just might forgive you.

you gulp, standing from his bed, noticing the pair of his sweatpants he must have slipped on you last night.

the car journey is quiet, awkward as neither of you want to be the one to speak first. your head leans against the window, staring at the passing trees rather than at him.

he reaches your house, ‘i’ll wash these and i’ll give them back to you,’ you mumble, stepping out of the car.

‘keep ‘em,’ he stares straight ahead, unable to look at your frankly, pathetic self. he’d never seen you so meek, so small with your shoulders hunched over.

‘oh.. well, thank you steve, for looking after me n’all..’

he nods, gritting his teeth as his knuckles turn white from his grip on the wheel.

‘i’ll see ya-,’ before you can finish, his wheels spin off, leaving you stood alone in your driveway, cheeks sodden with tears.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve stranger things #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington smut #stranger things x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic

629 notes · View notes

thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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cooki3face · 7 months

Text

what permanent union w/ your divine feminine would be like: divine masculine reading

message: this one's for the divine masculine today, I'm really excited about it. I don't know much of the divine masculine collective I have as an audience on this blog so hopefully, it reaches who it needs to reach, if you're a divine feminine I'm sure you can enjoy this message too or find something within it that will resonate with you. I’m still brain storming more ideas for readings to make for the divine masculine collective, I even asked around and asked a couple of male friends I had who I felt like were a little more enlightened then most and I wasn't able to find anything but surely the answers are within me and I can be able to develop more content directed towards the divine masculine collective. 💚

The color green feels incredibly significant at this time as well as angel numbers 444,888,9911,36548

I believe my past message I just posted just now about “The Sign” by Ace of Base and the lyrics may have been able to resonate for the divine masculine collective or at least for a handful of you. Many of you who are in twin flame connections who have a divine feminine or divine counterpart have finally awakened to your worth and are realizing how much you don't deserve to settle out of fear and are about to step into honoring your heart chakra and acting on your truest wishes and desires. Congratulations, you've finally done it!

“I've got a new life, you would hardly recognize me, I'm so glad!”

Complete transformation. Karmic cycles are closed and done for. Your current reality is history all on it’s own so stop looking at it and checking for it the reality you're coming into is the one you've been dreaming of all along.

***

I see this connection with the divine feminine being extremely private and protected pile one. The two of you will grow to know how important it is to protect your connection and value it above all else, I see you guys doing big things together, making big moves, accomplishing goals and reeling in manifestations left and right. the two of you are going to protect this connection from unnecessary interferences and nosey people who just want to see what you’re doing and have opinions about your connection or even be haters and talk to their friends about how much the two of you are receiving and how much they think you don’t deserve it. There may be a lot of jealous onlookers. People who wanted your divine feminine or people who wanted to be with you. You may be someone who attracts people who like to take up space and are attracted to you for what you can give them rather than who you are and your divine feminine isn’t this way. She loves you for who you are, she chose you, she doesn’t need you.

And, she’s about to make a lot of people really jealous and unhappy lol. There’s going to be so much love and passion between the two of you and so much care with this two of cups here, the two of cups coming out here makes me think of twin souls and high level connections where the two people become so in alignment with one another that you’re practically fusing souls and becoming more able to connect with one another energetically. I’m hearing you guys are going to become in sync. Finishing each others sentences, knowing what the other wants without having to ask, being able to have genuine conversations, being able to help each other through arguments and hardships in an energy that’s not meant to scrutinize, judge, or hurt one another but with the energy to understand and process what’s going on with one another. Being able to literally do things for one another as acts of service or because you two share a great love and it be exactly what’s needed.

Acts of service could be a big love language for you as well and your divine feminine is the queen of acts of service. If you know her already as a person she may be someone who loves to give to others and make people feel very safe and acknowledged. I’m getting imagery of Snow White and the seven dwarfs, her being able to give them and all the other creatures in the forest things to look forward to and things to suit their individual needs and do it gracefully and out of love if I’m correct. She shows them this genuine love and maternal care and appreciation (especially the dwarfs) and in return they love and admire her back and go out of their way to protect her and keep her safe. Im hearing she’s a woman of the world or she falls very deeply into the archetype of the mother. You may be very paternal in energy as well. You guys go together like peanut butter in jelly, you guys are the emperor and the empress. Mom and dad.

Children and animals are particularly drawn to her and love being in her energy because they know in their hearts that she accepts them and will go out of her way to make sure they feel safe and content when she’s around. Your divine feminine could be someone well loved, well desired or well admired. She could be really graceful and she may even potentially attract haters or people who are mad at her just because she exists because she produces such a high vibrational energetic frequency. She may even trigger others to see aspects of their own shadow and look at themselves and reflect on who they are. The imagery of reflections and mirrors are significant here and really being me back to this whole show white thing. The main antagonist is jealous of Snow White, wants her beauty and her grace and as a result poisons her so that she can step into her spotlight. Your divine feminine may be hyper aware of people in her life or people who’ve been in her life before who wanna shove her aside and take her place and she could be very protective over her energy.

You could’ve known women in your social circles who were envious of her or knew her, were friends with her, or watched her and admired her and tried to mimic her or copy her influence and were unsuccessful. You may be realizing a lot of this behavior with karmic feminines you’ve dated in the past who knew about your divine feminine as well. This divine feminine of yours could be spiritual as well, highly intuitive or someone you deem to be very wise and intelligent. She will return you from spiritual poverty and help you to cleanse the spirit and heal. Your connection will be full of spiritual growth and enlightenment. The two of you may spend a lot of time working through trauma and sitting with each other healing each others pain. I see her completely shifting your life around and your habits and lifestyle as a whole when the two of you are in Union. Teaching you about things she’s learned over the years, changing your dietary choices, introducing you to holistic care and practices, getting you to meditate, journal, and create and express yourself and expand as an individual. She wants the best for you and she will treat you as such because she respects you and she loves you.

I see her protecting you in spirit as well, cleansing your energy for you, bathing you, or even casting protection or abundance spells for you if she’s into Wiccan practices or the metaphysical. You guys are going to be doing a lot together, traveling, spending time outside in nature, starting businesses and making money together, learning, flourishing, picking up new hobbies, cooking, making friends and meeting soul family, making love, being the embodiment of love, finding peace. I also see her not allowing you to spend time around people she intuitively knows don’t love you or don’t want good things for you as well. She’s so protective over you. Naturally. All on her own without you having to ask. She defends you when you’re not in the room and she speaks very highly of you.

She will make you a better man and a better human being. And when the two of you come into union with one another the ball will start rolling and it’ll begin rolling very quickly, you guys may even run off and get married very quickly, manifestations coming in very quickly as well, the world will be aligning in your favor because your spirit guides, guardian angels and the divine mother protect this connection with a heavy hand. Looking for a house? Market will be cheaper you’ll find a real nice one quickly and be able to move in right away. You guys want to go on vacation together? You’ll find an opportunity to be able to travel for less money and be accommodated along the way. You guys want another pet? The perfect one is sitting at the humane society waiting patiently for the two of you to come and biting the fingers of whomever else dares to come see them.

What more do I need to say??? What are you sitting there doing nothing for??? GO GET HER AND PROPOSE!

***

ii.

I’m hearing , “I was blind but now I see.” You could’ve been running from her or you do run from her and you may try to invalidate your connection or downplay how much influence she has over you out of fear but I’m hearing that you want love but you keep turning around and looking in all the wrong places, looking at all the wrong people because you’re settling for what and who you feel you deserve. It’s what people do, the choices you make, the types of people you choose to be around, hang out with, date, sleep with, etc. are a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. Whether or not your perception of what you’re worth or your self concept was created by you or someone else or other people or other influences in your life who told you that you weren’t important or deserving of good things and genuine love and respect AND SUPPORT. The energy you bring to your divine feminine and your connection is a reflection of you and how much value you think you have.

Men are designed to bring things into fruition, you take your manifestations and you make them physical, tangible things, as natural guardians of the physical 3D world you siphon energy from deep within you to push things into the atmosphere or bring them into fruition. This is why in our world today, when we know masculine energies and men struggle with their own self concept, self esteem, and position in life they outwardly express and project that onto the world and the people around them. I sense very complicated and confusing energy within this pile, it’s almost like many of you struggle with your words or often find that you say the wrong things instead of what you wanted to say, or your throat chakra is blocked. Some of you within this group aren’t great communicators and may not be able to express yourself well with people in your life especially women and especially with your divine feminine. A lot of you are very tired and stressed out as well because you may spend a lot of time with the wrong people, doing the wrong things, not valuing your presence, not grounding your energy and maybe even failing to do some hard inner work or welcome your emotions and fears so that you can see them clearly and take action to understand and release them out of self compassion.

There’s a lot spirit wants me to say to you here about the way you give out your energy to others. Even for many of you who don’t sleep around or physically participate in energy transfers and the creating of soul ties, you offer your energy to too many people through flirting or through social connections. You may find within your love life that you come in and out of peoples lives or get them to a point of feeling emotionally connected or tied to you and then you run away to avoid feeling trapped and that all on its own will contribute to a loss of energy. You spread yourself too thin, chasing highs or trying to fill voids and you leave with less than you came with in the first place. You allow people to walk around with pieces of your spirit that you let them have.

Coming into union with your person would fix so much of this. What you’re looking for outside of yourself and outside of her you will find almost instantly. It’s almost like the answer and solution is so clear yet you can’t yet see it or you hadn’t seen it before. All this stress you carry she would take away from you and cleanse you of it. There’s no way that you would continue to feel burdensome, incomplete or as if your value is less than you would like it to be. When you’re with a divine counterpart, in Union, in alignment with them and with yourself that does not exist. She would give you the strength to love yourself whole heartedly because she loves you unconditionally and would not judge you. When I think about what love is supposed to be like I think about 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

That within itself is the message right there. When you are in union with her and you’ve done the inner work before hand to accept her and become a unit with her you will no longer feel the need to consume so much or collect so many people or so many things in your life to make yourself feel as though you have plenty of opportunities and accomplishments here. You could be someone who takes a lot of pride in their accolades or someone who collects things and picks things up no matter karmic, temporary, or whatever along the way to add to the list of things you have when what you genuinely lack is self love and self care. You will be secure and you will be whole. When you find her, when you are with her, all your past hurt and sorrows will not hurt so bad and you can continue to heal and find happiness and solace in her care and presence. When you find her, when you are with her, you will no longer feel stagnant or feel as though you are undecided and in a constant state of being uprooted. You’ll be able to continue to explore what feels like to release limiting beliefs for yourself and found freedom.

You may feel discouraged, you may feel as though you’ll never find genuine love or like it’s not written in the stars for you to find your divine counterpart and to find someone within this lifetime that will love you the way you love them and thats not true. It’s a reflection of how lovable and how valuable you think you are. When you find her she’s going to be able to build with you and contribute to your life and support your wishes and dreams. She’ll be growing with you and moving with you at a pace that’s safe and comfortable for you. You’ll feel even more inspired and ambitious in your life and in your goals and aspirations. I think you may worry about getting to a point in your life where you feel even with your accomplishments that you’ll be feeling incomplete and unhappy because you don’t believe you’ll find genuine love outside of what and who you may have found already but this is not true. Your divine feminine and you will find one another. You’ll be happy and supported. You’ll build a life together that’s safe and consistent and compliments your hearts desires and values.

***

iii.

The two of you could be highly collaborative here or be a very business savvy or entrepreneurial couple here. I’m getting highly influential and rich together. You could compliment one another’s weaknesses and strengths and share a lot of core values that will bring you a lot of abundance in your life here. There’s also an energy here of the two of you learning from one another in many walks of life. Being able to feed off one another spiritually and not only financially. But there’s such a big message here about financial security and freedom coming through. You guys may be incredibly financially educated with one another, making responsible investments, spending your time collecting guidance from other influential people who make tons of money, networking and making your way to the top.

There’s some energy here of delays for this collective or a lack of growth and stagnancy in matters of the heart. You may be unwilling to let someone or something go or you be unmotivated to do some much needed inner work in order to put yourself in the position to receive this divine counterpart or connection here. You may feel that this is generally not possible for you, or at least somewhat unrealistic and this may cause you to be stagnant or disable yourself to grow and move forward. Once you overcome this, release something and do the inner work necessary to step into your power, your divine masculine energy, and heal some trauma and break some karmic cycles this blockage will be completely obliterated.

Part of you within this collective are stuck. You may have mother wounds, father wounds, struggle with a lack of examples of success in your personal life or familial structure. You may have a habit of consuming energies or knowledge from all the wrong places or not properly using your discernment when you’re trying to put yourself in the right spaces or even consuming content here on social media. This may even reflect in your personal relationships too, having people close to you who don’t reflect the energy you want to essentially become one day and you becoming swept up in the motion of their energy and karmic cycles. There’s a void here within you divine masculine, you have an ego issue, or need to learn to step out of the human way of thinking and stop associating your worth with such surface level or shallow ideas of what men should be or what is important here.

You’re going to have to undergo a complete 360, unlearn everything you’ve learned, completely transform and start fresh here. Your spirit guides and ancestors have given you a situation, a connection, or some sort of heart break or karmic connection here with someone who holds a lot of power and is meant to break you down and shake you up so that you can at some point wake up and do the inner work necessary but some of you aren’t learning your lesson, you’re pushing against the divine plan or what you’re meant to do here because you’re misguided or confused.

Your spirit is young for many of you. Not been here enough times, finding your way. Spirit says, “why aren’t you moving? You need to move.” You’re not letting go of whatever this is and you’re not moving forward, you’re ignoring the call. Some of you could have prominent earth sign placements or even have prominent cancer placements especially in your top three. Your biggest challenge and lesson in life may be learning to let go of something incredibly significant and move forward generally speaking and in the energy of the mother, the home, and some semblance of it. You may have mother wounds that are unresolved and this person you’re sticking to has a high level of divine feminine energy or has a lot of maternal energy or heavy cancer placements as well. There’s a trauma bond here.

This reading was meant to be about what permanent union would be like with your divine feminine or divine counterpart here or the person meant for you overall but it seems spirit is saying that before we even get into all of that we need to talk about it you first. Everything you want in love is attainable for you, there is someone who is going to love you, accept you for all that you are when you find who you are or accept who you are as well, someone who will take care of you, who you will be able to take care of in return, who will be able to challenge you and stimulate you intellectually, who you will be able to build with. Someone you can have and hold. Someone you can walk into the afterlife with.

But you must do this first divine masculine. What you put out into the universe, you get back. For all your hardship and pain and heartbreak you’ll be rewarded. For all your work on yourself and for the collective there will be compensation. It’s time for you to make a choice about who it is you want to be, if you want to be your higher self, if you want all that you desire, if you want true fulfillment.

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #dream girl #self expression #healingjourney #self healing #manifestation #divine feminine #divine masculine #divine masculine tarot reading #love reading #pac reading #pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot #divine masculine energy #divine masculine collective #divine masculine messages

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practicecourts · 7 months

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Any new Jily smut that you recommend reading?

hi anon,

This took me a long time... I've seen some great recs already I think. The latest very smutty fic by @wearingaberetinparis Call it what you want is one I'm following along (I'd check out all her fics tbh, it's all amazing) There's one that I've not yet got around to but would still rec by @kay-elle-cee things that haven't happened yet (order Jily) just finished this and it’s all anyone could hope for 🤩 if one were looking for great smut

Lay all your love on me by @athenasparrow (and all her smut is worth checking out btw) Oh and she made the Smut Fairy Collection on AO3.

Absolutely hooked on the bachelorette wip by @tiffanytoms

Also Incoming by @charmsandtealeaves

Nom de plume by @annabtg (just got round to read the last chapter of this wip) and the premise is a lot of fun, and it's going to be incredibly hot (hotter than it already is - v soon i hope ;-) IDK if it's considered NEW, but Room service by @maraudersftw is so good. The sexual tension is insane!

also good and not old but not perhaps super new... I mean The Reckless now by @mppmaraudergirl is a big rec for jily smut. OH and i forgot... so I'm adding but the last chapters of CHASING LIFE... all the smut you'd ever wish for? and not published yesterday but it's def newer than the life and times ;-) I think it's temporarily (at least that's what I hope) down, but @missgryffin has some amazing jily smut (personal fave Secret Keeper, and STOLEN - that last one has some top flirting and such a good James & Dad Evans talk (which is not really anything to do with smut but there's something about that moment and idk the whole setting of it that I need to ramble about it.)

#anon ask #if I missed something put it in the comments #bc i'm sure theres so much more #i've definitely lost track #jily smut recs not complete by any means

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fallenclan · 6 months

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// cw • this fic contains discussions of grief, passive suicidal ideation (im probably exaggerating it a lot in the tags tbh but if its a sensitive topic b careful), dissociation, and nongraphic death. please take care of yourselves!! :3

me if cranking out fics of just me smashing characters with the angst hammer 18 consecutive times was a crime 🚔💁‍♀️

Brambletuft doesn't categorize herself as someone with an anger problem.

There are cats like Wormshade and Flyspots, straight up with their anger. If they are angry, they make it known.

There is Maplestar, his quiet fury. You'll never see him angry, it doesn't show as more than irritation, but the way his claws scratch on the floor beneath him, and his eyes hold the smallest hint of disdain. When you know what to look for, you can read him like Silverbelly does the stars.

Poppyfeather is similar; you'll never know how she feels unless she wants you to.

Yewberry is entirely silent in his anger. He doesn't scream, or shout, he endures. He puts his anger to good work.

Otterslip, so unlike his son, was incredibly angry. Grief driven and desparate and begging for vengeance that was never owed. So angry, paws driven by cold hard rage, he killed Stormsight with no remorse for his actions.

Brambletuft is not angry. She appreciates the world, she splashes in puddles and takes care of preserved poppies and lilacs and feathers. Brambletuft is a simple cat, who enjoys simple things.

But she can't say she's happy all the time. That would be a lie. But it's not anger. Anger has never suited her. Honestly, neither has sadness or anything else. She prefers to just ignore her feelings.

She floats.

It happens once, when she's an apprentice and she fails an assessment. Her legs shook themselves still and she floated away from the world.

She very easily decides floating is far superior to feeling, so she does that. She floats during battles, and patrols, and she floats through her ceremony. She only knows her name because her sister repeated it.

Henryclaw never hid who her mother was, not from her and Poppyfeather, at least. A sweet kittypet named Bun. A gorgeous calico, who lived in one of the small houses near the valley. She gave Bramblekit and Poppykit away to keep them safe, and that was that.

It never did stop the distant longing she sometimes felt, when Bluefern would curl into Jaggedstripe, or when she saw a new queen patiently sitting in the nursery.

That affection was something she wanted for herself. It makes her feel upset, and sad. It makes her float.

When she comes back from patrol, camp is in chaos.

It's a cold day for the season. A cool breeze drifts in and out of her ears, making her shiver.

When she'd left that twilight, cats were retiring to their nests. The ones who weren't sleeping or getting ready to were either on watch, about to leave for patrol, or finishing their prey.

There is a small circle of cats in the clearing, gathered around something.

"What's going on?" She asks, shooting a sideway glance to Pinefrost, who shrugs in response.

Then Silverbelly pushes past her, rosemary in her jaws. The clearing smells vaguely of mint and lavender. She recognizes the smells because once Hopepaw dragged her along to collect herbs. The cats part around her, and she hears a commanding yowl over all the noise.

Hailcrash, standing at the center of the fray. "Stars, give Silverbelly and Hopethistle some space to work. Shoo, all of you. You can come back out when we start the vigil."

The vigil?

Brambletuft stands and watches as the cats part. Some stare at her, pitiful expressions painting their faces.

It feels blue. Not the pretty blue, where the sky is bright and the lakes are still. It's the tormentful blue, of dreary blue clouds and pouring rain.

Poppyfeather, she's dully aware, is sobbing.

Why is she sobbing?

And Silverbelly and Hopethistle and Poppyfeather are the only ones standing there now.

She sees the dulled, gray speckled fur. Blood inbetween strands of fur, limbs stiff.

She sits the vigil. But she's not there.

She is hardly aware of Poppyfeather's wails, or her own tears trickling down her face. She can't bring herself to listen to Jaggedstripe's stories, or Applebranch's fond reminiscence.

Henryclaw is gone. Maplestar is exhausted, Hailcrash is grasping at the unwoven seams of the clan that are slowly unraveling, and Silverbelly is still fighting with her grief.

It sounds stupid, but her father is no longer there with her. Why do anything?

"Brambletuft," comes a gentle voice.

The moon shines bright. Normally, she would take a moment to appreciate it, but today she tucks her nose into her tail and squeezes her eyes shut.

"Brambletuft, the gathering is tomorrow. Would you like to go?"

That's Hailcrash, with her careful eyes and her twitching ear.

She shakes her head. No.

Archclan was at the gathering. She didn't want to see a single hair on any of their foxhearted pelts.

Henryclaw had a single wound to the back of his neck. Clearly meant to kill. His body was found near the Archclan border, and it reeked of them even with the rosemary clogging her senses.

"That's fine," Hailcrash says. "Rest, alright? Silverbelly will be here to check on everyone later," on Brambletuft, "and Yewberry is staying behind too. Poppyfeather's here as well. Take it easy."

Brambletuft has been taking it easy for a half moon. She's been floating since she saw the body in the clearing, with long dried blood soaking the rocks and a sharp pang of grief in her heart.

"Brambletuft, Hopethistle wants to see you."

"Tell her 'm busy," she snaps.

"Like, right now," the voice continues. She vaguely categorizes it as male.

Yewberry.

"Tell her I'm watching Waspkit."

"Wrong. Teddyfluff's watching Waspkit," Yewberry says. "Come on. You know how Hopethistle is. Trying to avoid her is like trying to dig through a stone wall. I'll go with you, if you want."

Stop inconveniencing him, her mind says. Yewberry has more important things to do than babysit you because you're sad.

"That's fine, I can go myself," Brambletuft mumbles, pushing herself to her paws. Her throat feels parched, her eyes unfocused and fixed on the ground.

One paw, two paw. One paw, two paw.

She thinks if she loses that rhythm, nothing will make sense. The world already feels jumbled and confusing.

One step, two step.

Yewberry is trailing behind her anyways, half hovering and half trying to give her space.

And then she's at the medicine den. There's a kit (Owlkit, she thinks) laying in a nest way too big for her.

"Brambletuft," Hopethistle greets. "How are you?"

Brambletuft dully blinks at her, silently urging her to make an inference. Based on her matted fur, dull eyes, and sluggish movement, she was obviously not doing well.

"Okay, that's fine. I just wanted to ask you some questions?"

Hopethistle says it like a question. Like she has a choice, because everyone in the room (even Owlkit with her two-moon brain) knows that Brambletuft has no choice in this. Not really.

"Okay."

"Do you want him to stay, or?" Hopethistle glances at Yewberry, who shifts his paws.

"I can go if you-"

"I don't care," Brambletuft says. It comes off a lot meaner than she wants it to, so she reclarifies. "If you have stuff to do, don't waste time with whatever this is."

Yewberry decidedly stays still.

"Okay," Hopethistle says. She looks at a tiny stack of herbs, like she's mentally recounting something. "So. A few questions."

"Yeah, okay."

"Have you been feeling sad, tired, or hopeless recently?"

Brambletuft glares at her with all the will she can muster. "My dad just died and you're asking if I'm sad."

Hopethistle blinks. "So yes?"

Brambletuft, with as much irritance as she can muster, stiffly nods.

"Okay," she continues. "Any feelings of despair? Like life isn't worth living?"

Her tail twitches. "Why am I doing this?"

"I'm sorry," Hopethistle says. And she does look upset, but not upset enough to stop. "I just need a yes or a no. Or a nod. Anything that gives me a solid answer."

Brambletuft blinks. "Repeat the question?"

"Do you ever have thoughts of despair or feelings that life isn't worth living?"

Brambletuft thinks of the weeks she's spent floating in her nest, practically dead to the world. Everything passed by in a blur of bleary sleep, nightmares, and pain.

She looks at her paws, and slowly nods.

Hopethistle's eyes briefly glisten. "Do you intend to act on those feelings?"

Brambletuft couldn't. Poppyfeather needed her, even if they hadn't spoken for a week. She mutely shakes her head.

"Right," Hopethistle says, her voice catching in her throat. "You have off from patrols for another half moon, until I or Silverbelly can talk to you again. Try not to isolate too much, okay?"

Hopethistle, in her own stupid stubborn way, cares. It's why she makes a good medicine cat. It's how she gets even the most prideful, stubborn cats to accept her help. She has an element of ferocity and sharpness to her that she most definitely inherited from her mother.

Brambletuft goes back to her nest, leaving Yewberry to stare at her with some expression she can't quite place.

She wakes up again, for the third time, restless and upset, and instead of trying a different sleeping position, she leaps over sleeping bodies and slips into the tiny hole behind the elder's den.

It's snowing.

Her paws take her across the territory, until she stops at the valley border.

She doesn't want to admit it, but since Henryclaw died, there has been something eating her from the inside.

Not some scary bug, or a bad piece of freshkill. It's something herbs can't fix, and it's something she can't walk off.

It's choking. It wraps around her lungs and it squeezes and it doesn't let go. It makes her throat dry, and her eyes burn, and her fur stand on her spine.

Brambletuft, entirely alone in the night, with a sloppily caught mouse in her paws, stares at them. Blankly.

She is stiffly aware of the cold biting into her, even through her thick fur.

She stands. Not proud or tall as she used to, but grief-stricken and tucked into herself.

"Brambletuft?"

Brambletuft whips around, hackles raised, claws unsheathed. Yewberry walks out, and promptly sits next to her, pointedly avoiding her (dull) claws and her puffed up fur. She probably looks crazy.

"How did you find me?"

"I wanted to follow you after Hopethistle's interrogation," Yewberry begins, "but it looked like you wanted to be left alone. So I waited, then I went on patrol and came back and you were sleeping. And then I kept waking up, and your tail brushed me when you were leaving, so I just decided to follow you. Sorry if that wasn't-"

"No, that's fine," she interrupts. Her heart pounds.

"You sure? If it wasn't, you can just say that."

"No, really. I don't mind. I don't want you to-"

Her lungs clench. Her mouth snaps shut.

Exactly one half moon after her first interrogation, Brambletuft is dragged to Hopethistle and she starts rapid firing questions again.

Brambletuft gives some half-hearted answers. Simple "okay", "no", "yes", the whole thing.

"Does it ever feel like you're living life on autopilot?"

"What?"

"Sorry, bad example. Caught it from a friend. I mean like, does it feel like you're just a cloud, drifting around without really feeling anything?"

"I guess," she answers.

Yewberry pauses. "Want me to what?"

"I don't.. ah..." Brambletuft fumbles with her words. Please, brain, work. Talk to the pretty boy! "I don't want you to leave."

"Okay. Is there anything you want me to do?"

"What?"

"I think you've been having severe dissociative episodes for most of your life. When did you say the first one was?"

"After my first assessment. I think I was, ah, seven moons?"

"Brambletuft, this has been going on for 25 moons and nobody ever figured it out until right now?"

"Just, stay here." Brambletuft pauses. "With me."

I don't want to be alone, passes through her mind. He would understand, talk to him.

The words die in her throat.

Dissociation is a mental process where someone feels a disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

Wildfang's word, then Sunwish's words. Silverbelly repeats them. Hopethistle repeats them again, with the same long winded definition.

Hopethistle listed symptoms like they were second nature. Knowing her, they probably were.

Some of the symptoms of dissociation include forgetting about certain time periods, events and personal information, feel disconnected from your own body or the world around you.

Brambletuft can't remember anything that happened over a year ago. She doesn't remember a single detail from whatever Poppyfeather was telling her about this morning (Wow she is a horrible sister-)

"I feel like I'm floating," Brambletuft murmurs. It's so late that the moon dips back over the horizon, the sun greedily soaking up every inch of spare dark skies and turning it to bright orange and pink.

"Oh?"

"Like I'm just floating through life, and I've been stuck in the trees so I don't fly off into the sky, but now I'm on the moors instead of in the forest so I'm just flying away."

"Oh," Yewberry softly says. "I don't want you to fly away. Can I be the rock holding you to the ground?"

Brambletuft laughs, the first time she's done so in at least a moon, and rests her head on his shoulder. He immediately tenses when she does so, but he doesn't try to move her (which he could easily do, if she was being honest).

They stay that way, then fall asleep when the sun shines right onto the creek.

"Screaming," Owlpaw says. Brambletuft whips her head around to stare at the apprentice.

Hopethistle called it therapy. Brambletuft called it, with passion, hell. Owlpaw calls it training.

"What?" Owlpaw tilts her head. "It's therapeutic. I always see you. You're so quiet when you're upset. Try being loud about your feelings, and maybe you'll recognize them."

And so, Owlpaw orders her to go to the Cliff, and scream out all her feelings. And yes, she said it in those exact words.

Stars, she's taking orders from a 8 moon old ball of rage. What's next, Salmonkit starts using her for climbing practice?

Brambletuft stands on the cliff. Wind whips at her face, she ignores it.

Yewberry is there, with his quiet support. He even offered to scream with her, if it made her feel better.

She humbly declines his offer.

Bramblepaw is quiet.

Poppypaw is the loud one. She makes enough noise for both of them. Bramblepaw is silent enough to stay behind her. Poppypaw talks to all the other apprentices, telling them elaborate stories of how Goldenstar saved her from eagles.

(It was so badass, she'd exclaimed. Bramblepaw had to admit. Yes, it was badass.)

The choking feeling doesn't go away. It never does.

But, she starts fighting it. She won't let it win. She gets up and she gets on patrol and she tackles a pheasant with Yewberry and brings it back, a Feather kept in her nest as a prize.

She goes to mark the border, and take Salmonpaw on badger rides even if she's a bit too big for them.

She climbs to the top of trees with Yewberry and they talk, and laugh (once they touched noses. Scandalous.)

She goes to the cliff, and she screams herself hoarse. And again, and again, until her throat burns and her face hurts from her mouth being open for so long.

Yewberry, with his not very silent support, bowls her over as soon as they're off the cliff and under a sparse tree, and she laughs and lets him even though she could definitely knock him on his ass if she wanted to.

"I should've been angry sooner," she murmurs.

"I think you deserve to be angry," Yewberry nods. His head finds a familiar place on her shoulder. "No, no wait. You deserve to be angry."

Brambletuft, in all her adrenaline fueled glory, nods, leaping to her paws once again. "I deserve to be angry."

"You deserve to be angry," Yewberry repeats, his eyes bright and happy.

Happy for her.

"I deserve to be angry!" She laughs (cackles. she definitely cackled). She catches her breath, and turns back to Yewberry. "I deserve to be angry. We deserve to be angry."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you when you do this?"

And, all her adrenaline dissapears, in favor of instead making her fur puff out with embarrassment and having her tuck into herself instead, with Yewberry's laughter in the background.

And the thorns constantly wrapped around her lungs seem to loosen.

-🍭 (the horrors (my organs) persist but so do i. )

i jhsut spent an hour and a half writing this HGELP

AUGH MY FUCKING HEART NOOO I LOVE THEM SMM.... crumbled on the floor holding my chest. i love them SO MUCH its unreal this just made me love them even more,, lollipop your writing is so fucking incredible i love it so so much

#fallenasks #fallenfic #lollipop anon

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