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yuulina-vre · 10 months

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Fear - Chapter four

Summary: Y/N lives the life she always dreamed about. a job she loves, a fiancé that does everything for her, and a house she dreamed of. There are hiccups on the way, but Y/N's still pretty satisfied with where she stands in life. Though a word can be powerful, especially if it's said to the wrong person. Y/N would never have thought that she ever gets to experience how bad it can turn out. For her and the loved ones around her.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, panic attacks

Series Masterlist // Masterlist

The rain rattles against the window. Fast, strong, and loud, driven by strong gusts of wind. A few branches of the big tree in front of the window bang against it now and then, creating a horror soundtrack for the sleep-driven mind.

I open my eyes, feeling somewhat unfocused for a moment. I rub my eyes tiredly, feeling like I’ve only been asleep for an hour, though I can’t really remember when I even fell asleep. Everything from leaving Wanda to now is a bit fuzzy. Thankfully I’m alive and not in a hospital or crashed somewhere on the street.

I rub my eyes a few times, nuzzling back into my pillow. I try to remember what I did after getting home. I know my energy level was near to empty, so I probably had just enough strength to lock the door and get up the stairs. I can’t remember if I even turned the lights on. From the heap of clothing on the floor, I know that I must have undressed at least. A quick glance under the blanket reveals me in practically nothing but my panties and a pretty short and revealing tank top. So, I got in my sleep shirt, at least. Huh.

Though I doubt that I took a shower. My hair’s dry, and with such low batteries, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stay any longer than necessary.

I practically fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. That much is clear.

Sleep-drunk, I turn around again, this time to look at my other side, searching for a body that should be lying there, warming my back, snuggling, and pulling me into a warm embrace. Protect me from raging storms outside and nightmares inside.

But Bucky’s not there.

The bedside me is as cold as if he had left it hours ago. I rack my brain to try and remember if he even had been in bed when I crawled in. If he had been home at all. But I come up empty. If he’s on night shift, he won't be home till at least eight in the morning.

A sigh leaves me that sounds more defeated than I feel. Just a few more hours, and I can make up with Bucky. Apologize and coddle him. Maybe even with a nice breakfast?

I snuggle up into my blanket and pull Bucky’s sleeping shirt up to my nose, inhaling the familiar and calming scent. It smells intensely of him, of his aftershave, a bit earthy but pleasant, as if he had worn it just a few minutes ago. It’s so incredibly calming. I slowly fall back into a light slumber, thinking of the morning when I will see him again. Of his eyes, his smile, and the tight hug I’ll wrap him in.

But then I get an oppressive feeling. Something feels off. Different. It’s weird. I can't really point out what it is, but it makes me feel uneasy, haunted. As a child, I would imagine red eyes behind my window, creepy figures under my bed, or a monster in my closet. Now I know that all these things aren’t real and for the eyes, no one can look into the windows on the first floor.

My dream from hours ago pops back into my mind, and panic grips me again. Is someone in the house? A burglar? A killer?

Instantly my eyes are wide open, staring into the darkness of the bedroom without seeing much. All the sleepiness and tiredness I felt seconds ago is blown away. My senses are sharpened instantly.

The smell in our room is somehow different than usual. However, I can’t really pinpoint what exactly smells different. Otherwise, nothing’s moved, there’s no noise in the house, and even the stupid neighbor's cat meows her little soul out of her body, like every night, even despite the rain and harsh wind.

Everything’s the same. The fact that everything seems to be as it should doesn’t reassure me at all. Instead, all these little facts increase my panic and fear. There’s nothing unusual in this room, and yet I know something is wrong, like someone’s watching me. Should I go check it out? No, you're crazy. Just because you can't hear anything doesn't mean there's nothing here. Go and hide! Or call Buck.

I look around, contemplating where to hide. Under the bed and in our walk-in closet are pretty obvious hides. In every novel and horror movie are theses the hiding places victims go for. So, I look further around. A chest of drawers, a mirror, bedside tables, lamps, the small couch at the foot of the bed, bathroom.

Where should I go now?

At lightning speed, I reach for my smartphone, which has been charging on my nightstand, grab my robe from the foot of the bed, and run to the bathroom door. I rip it open, rush in, press it close again, and quickly run the lock. I look around in a panic. What's next?

I know that such a small thin door won’t hold possible intruders off for very long. If someone wants to get in, they will. One way or another.

My eyes flicker around, but even in this room aren’t as many hiding options. I could squeeze beside the toilet and the wall, try to empty the towel cupboard and squeeze in there or sit down in the bathtub. I decide to take the bathtub, even though it's not better than hiding in a closet. I pull the dark blue shower curtain close to protect myself from possible glances, risking that I can’t see anyone incoming as well.

Just then, I manage to take in a somewhat steady breath. I begin to tremble because suddenly, despite the warm summer temperatures, I am freezing cold. Restless, I look in the direction the door is in.

“It's okay, Y/N. No one's getting through. You locked the door. I guess your fantasy is playing games with you, and you're scared for no reason. And now you’re talking to yourself, great.” Trying to talk courage to myself… doesn't work.

It never has for me. I usually need someone else to hold me, talk to me, and calm me down. And usually, this someone is Bucky or my brother.

This feeling I have now, though, is not entirely new. I’m just not used to it anymore, haven’t felt it in a long time. I always was good at feeling when something is different around me. When people are oppressed and don’t want to show it to anyone. If someone lies, it’s even easier. I usually know it instinctively, but I never say anything. I have learned that sometimes it's better not to dive into things or talk about them. I can feel changes in the atmosphere of rooms, which doesn’t necessarily mean I know what’s wrong. I just know something is wrong, just like now.

My gaze wanders through the room again, slower this time. No weapons are recognizable except for Bucky’s razor or my hairbrush. The display of my phone flashes briefly. A text from my service provider. Bucky smiles at me from my lock screen, and a big wave of longing overcomes me. Suddenly it hits me.

Bucky!

I quickly enter the pin to unlock my phone, redoing it two times because of my shaking fingers, but finally, I manage, and a picture of Bucky and myself flashes in front of me. It’s from the day he proposed. I was so happy. Steve had made the picture and sent it to me later on. Bucky has me tightly wrapped in his arms; my feet are lifted off the ground as he swings me around. Or faces showing all the happiness in the world.

I quickly click on the icon for my address book, then find Bucky among my favorites, and without hesitation, I click on it. I don’t think about it, don’t think about the possibility that I might be overreacting and disturbing him. My brain is frozen in panic, and all that might be of help is him. I can feel my chest hurting with my fast breathing, which makes my mind panic a bit more. I curl into myself, trying to make myself as small as I can as it rings and rings. The robe is thrown on my lap, a weak attempt to keep my bare legs warm against the cold bathtub. The call rings and rings, but then, finally, his voice.

“Y/N, sweetheart. Hi.” Bucky sounds surprised, and I don’t blame him. After a week of radio silence, and now suddenly, I’m calling him in the middle of the night with heavy breathing, I probably would be surprised too. “Why are you awake? Though you would be sleeping by now.” He stops speaking as if waiting for an answer, but all I can do is listen to the silence while I still try to calm myself down enough to even breathe normally. “Um… Listen, doll. It’s bad timing right now. Can we talk when I get ho-”

“Bucky!” It bursts out of me, sounding more breathless than I would like but still loud enough that I wince. My eyes fly to the bathroom door, despite the curtain blocking my view. “C-come home. Please,” I whimper, and I know it sounds pathetic. “S-something’s wrong. I’m scared. Please!” Suddenly his voice becomes deadly serious, and he falls into a professional attitude that he rarely shows to me. “What’s going on? Are you all right?”

“N-no.” I feel the tears finally welling up, and I sniffle. My throat blocked with unshed tears. “S-somethings off.”

“Is someone in the house?”

“Yes. N-no. I-I don’t know, Bucky.” A sob breaks loose, and I quickly try to stifle it by shoving my free hand to my mouth to cover it. “P-please come home.” I sob aloud again, feeling the tears run down my cheeks. There was a brief silence. Then his voice sounds again. “Okay, sweetheart. Try to calm down for me, yeah? I’ll leave right away. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Are you somewhere safe?” I start nodding until I remember that he can’t actually see it, so I stutter out a short reply. “B-bathroom.”

“Okay, that’s great. I want you to stay there and be as silent as you can. I’ll be there in a few and get you. Okay?” Silence, then he asks again. “Okay, doll?”

“Y-yeah, okay.”

“Good… I love you. Everything will be all right. I promise.” And then silence; not even his breathing can be heard, just the steady beeping of a dead line. He hung up. I take a few seconds to try and breathe, to stop the tears flowing while my fear has a tight grip on my throat, squeezing it shut with each inhale I try to take. And then the guilt slams in. What am I doing? What if I just imagined this? What if he comes home for nothing?

My thoughts wander back and forth, unable to decide between ifs and buts. It adds to my panic. I can hear the blood rushing in my ears, feel my throat squeeze shut. In a last attempt to calm down, I wrap my robe around me. It aids as a calming blanket and keeps me as warm as a flimsy thin fabric can. But even that only manages to comfort for a minute or two before the spiraling starts anew.

I can feel the full-blown panic attack. Shivers run through my body, leaving me cold and sweaty. My breathing is so fast and erratic that it almost feels like I'm not breathing at all. My grip is tight on my phone, so it might break.

Blood rushes through my ears, so loud I’m not really able to hear anything past it. In general, all my senses seem to be subdued to the barest minimum. Since the lights are shut off as well, I can’t really see much anymore. And every sound that might be in the bathroom is strangely distorted and echoey.

Doubt spreads, even though I had never been wrong with my assumptions, at least not gravelly. Surely there are occasional situations in which I am not on point. Scared when I think someone is around, and it turns out it’s just a stray cat or a raccoon in our trashcan. After all, I'm not a psychic, and no one is infallible. Nevertheless, I am right more often than not. Oh, how I hope that this time is no different.

I can't tell how long I've been sitting there, squeezed as small as I can be, clinging to my phone and robe. My eyes are squeezed shut, so tight that I can already see stars dancing. My chest hurts, rising with quick, harsh breaths that don’t provide enough air. My head is fuzzy, and I feel dizzy and nauseous. A whimper leaves me as I hear something. A sound, almost like a banging.

More banging, like doors that are pushed open with such a force that they hit the walls. The thump of something falling over. Heavy footsteps in the house. Something pounding and rattling breath sounds nearby. The dripping tap seems unnaturally noisy in the otherwise silent room, and in the window, I imagen seeing eyes. Red, dark, and evil, lingering for me to be inattentive just to strike then.

My skin tingles with tension, and it feels like hundreds of small ants are walking over it. I shudder, burying my face deeper into my knees, bending more forward. It gives me more security, though it makes it harder for me to breathe than it already is. Somewhere in my mind, I recognize that I might pass out if I don’t calm down anytime soon.

I try to concentrate on my surroundings, try to find four things I can feel. My skin, my phone, the robe, the bathtub.

Three things to smell. “Candle. Bucky’s shaving cream. S-soap.” I start whispering, hoping that my own voice might calm me, though it’s nothing more than a breathless sound in the air.

Two things to hear. “Thunder. F-footsteps.” With wide eyes, I realize that I don’t just imagine them. They are really here. Someone is really walking through our house! A panicked sound escapes me; my eyes transfixed on the spot of the curtain I know the door is behind.

The handle of the door turns. I can hear it rattling, and the slight squeak Bucky still hasn’t fixed. Scared, I hold my breath, not able to look away, though it quickly throws me into a coughing fit that I try to stifle. My chest hurts as if someone squeezes it so tightly that I can't properly inhale.

It turns once again. Absolutely frightened, I let a squeak slip, instantly slapping a hand over my mouth to silence myself. Someone knocks on the door, with more and more force.

Then, boom. Boom.

I flinch violently, hitting my head against the tiled wall but don’t dare even to make pained noise. My nerves can't take it anymore. I watch the handle turn again, and I don't know what comes over me, but suddenly hysterics overwhelm me, and I start screaming while hiding in my own legs again. “Go away! Leave me alone… Please.” The last word is nothing more than a frightened whisper. Tears stream down my cheeks, my own crying ricocheting from the walls, sounding louder than they should be to my oversensitive ears. I throw my phone somewhere to my feet to cover my ears, shutting out any kind of noise. I slowly rock back and forth.

“Doll! Y/N! Open the door. It’s me. It’s Bucky! I brought Sam.”

“No. No! Go away. Leave me alone!” I cry out, shaking my head, hoping to drown out the false voice. “Y/N, please. Listen to my voice.” I shake my head. I don’t want to listen. I want them to go away, to leave me alone. I want Bucky.

“You called me fifteen minutes ago. You said there’s something off. Remember? I came as fast as I could.” A hand slaps softly but urgently against the door. Pleadingly. “Please let me in.”

I kinda do recognize the voice. It’s so familiar, so comforting. “B-bucky?” I whimper his name, it’s no more than a silent breath, but he still hears it. “Yes, doll. Can- Can you open the door for me, baby?”

Nothing keeps me in the tub, then. I scramble up and shove the curtain away, almost stumbling over my robe as I practically jump out of the bathtub. The rug slides a bit on the floor, sending me stumbling to the door. I crash into it but ignore the pain in my right shoulder. My hands tremble so badly as I try to grab the key. It slips out of my hand for a second, falling to the floor and slithering a few inches away from me.

Whimper after whimper leaves me as I pick it back up and fiddle with the lock until, finally, the heavenly sound of the door unlocking sounds. I throw the door open and instantly fall into the open arms that await me, not even checking if it’s actually Bucky. The warm embrace is comforting, though, and the smell that instantly hits my nose lets me know that the man is who he said.

I start wailing like a frightened animal. I sob and cling to him, bury my face in his chest and my nails into his shirt as his arms come around me, surrounding me with a feeling of calmness and safety. “I’ve got you. You’re safe now. You’re safe.” He speaks softly to me, lips brushing against my hair and ear, hands drawing patterns on my back.

Slowly he guides us back to the bad, step for step. I barely feel him sitting down and pulling me on his lap. My senses are filled with the comforting smell and familiar touch of him. Just him.

Just my Bucky.

Taglist:

@cjand10

#Bucky Branes #Bucky x Reader #Reader insert #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes x Female Reader #yuulina writes #Fear

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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 3 years

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So. I decided to make my second @identity-reveal-bingo submission a mini-fic. That means that this one is less than 1000 words!

Also, since I don't really write major character d-eath... I may have stretched the 'deathbed confession' prompt just a bit. 😅 so rather than any actual d-eath, you get 991 words of Peter being throughly concussed and extremely dramatic.

Happy Reading!

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Peter woke up in a hospital with an oxygen tube below his nose and several wires attached to his body. He could hear the rhythmic beeping of the monitors and smell the sickly combination of blood and disinfectant. Then, suddenly aware of the pain radiating from his neck to the front of his skull, he gasped. He reached up to touch the place where the throbbing was the worst but was prevented from doing so. When he looked up, Tony was hovering above him, holding tightly to his wrist.

“Easy, Kiddo. You’re not supposed to be awake. Your head got pretty banged up tonight,” Tony said, moving his grasp to the kid’s hand and then giving it a gentle squeeze. “How do you feel?”

After some thought, Peter withdrew his hand and rubbed his eyes. “Am I dying?” he asked, because his mind was fuzzy and he’d never had a headache quite like the one he was currently experiencing. The pressure was excruciating.

“No, Buddy. Not dying,” Tony replied with a tight smile. The memory of placing the kid’s limp body onto a gurney was still fresh, causing anxiety to creep up his spine. “Dr. Banner worked entirely too hard to stabilize you, for you to die now.”

“Am I dying later?” Peter asked. But then his attention was stolen by the various sounds that were floating around the room. They sounded vaguely ominous, making him shiver. “The beeping is- is beeping. Like in sad movies.”

“That’s your heart-monitor. It’s beeping because you’re not dying,” Tony returned, with a roll of his eyes.

Peter took a few breaths and swallowed hard. “Feels bad, Mr. Stark. Like my head is going to-” he began, but the word he required seemed to be lost somewhere in the mush his brain had become. So he mimicked the sound of an explosion while flailing his hands for emphasis instead. “That kills people. I’m definitely going to die.”

With a deep sigh, Tony ran a hand down his face. “Would you please stop talking about dying? You’re going to give me a panic attack,” he said, dropping tiredly into the chair beside the bed.

“It hurts,” Peter whined while turning his head to the side. As he did so, he had to squint his eyes against the blinding light that was beside him. “And there’s a light. Should I go into the light?”

“Pete. It’s a lamp,” Tony started, cracking a smile as he reached over to turn it off. “See? No heavenly light. You’re fine. You just have one hell of a concussion.”

The room grew quiet as Peter tried to sluggishly process what he’d been told. But by the time he’d sorted through the first part, the rest was fairly muddled. “A confession?” he asked out of confusion that was followed by a wide-eyed realization. “I have a confession!”

“No, not a-” Tony chuckled before curiosity took over. “Wait. You have a confession? As in, you want to confess something?” he asked, arching a brow in interest. And when Peter nodded his head, he encouraged him to continue.

“You’re gonna be mad, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, his lip sticking out in a small pout.

“I won’t be mad, Kid,” Tony promised, despite the fact that he had no idea what the kid was about to admit to.

“Not mad. Disappointed. So disappointed,” Peter tearily mumbled. “But- but since I’m on my deathbed, I think you should know. I want you to know.”

Then, all at once, Tony’s interest morphed into dread. If the kid genuinely believed he was dying, then whatever he was about to confess was going to be a doozy. “Know what, Buddy?” he questioned, preparing himself for the worst.

After biting frettingly at his lip, Peter blinked up at his mentor. “I’m Spider-man,” he whispered.

Tony released a breath but before he could say anything, Peter had already broken into tears.

“-You’re always telling me to stay safe and then I go out and fight bad guys behind your back,” Peter sobbed. “And now I’m dying and- I’m so sorry,”

“Pete. Kiddo. Underoos, I need you to understand. You’re not dying,” Tony firmly asserted and then smiled. “Also. I know you’re Spider-man.”

“You do?” Peter asked. Because he thought he’d done a pretty good job of keeping his identity obscured. “How?”

Abruptly realizing exactly how hard the kid had hit his head, Tony sighed and tapped a finger against his temple. “Genius. Remember?”

“Did you tell Aunt May!” Peter asked with such upset that Tony had to place a hand on his chest to prevent him from bolting upright.

“Tell Aunt May what?” May asked, having walked into the room just in time to hear the outburst.

“That he’s Spider-man” Tony smirked.

Peter looked from his mentor to his aunt and whimpered painfully. “I wanted to tell her. Don’t want to die with secrets,” he mumbled just clearly enough for both adults to hear.

“Sweetie, I already know you’re Spider-man,” May replied, kissing the only part of Peter’s forehead that wasn’t bruised. “But you’re not dying. I promise,”

“Are you sure? I feel very-” Peter said, pausing in an attempt to find his words. “Death-y. Death-like?”

“I’m positive, Sweetie,” May giggled.

“I’ve been trying to tell the dramatic little shit the same thing for the last fifteen minutes,” Tony exclaimed with a frustrated flourish of his hand. “But Bruce is on his way with more drugs. Hopefully stronger ones,” he added, his voice softening as he spoke.

“Yeah. Someone needs a nap,” May whispered, watching as her nephew’s eyes flutter closed only to snap back open again.

“A death-nap,” Peter grumbled, wishing desperately that the throbbing would stop.

Both Tony and May roll their eyes at the theatrics. Then, as if on cue, Bruce walked into the room ready to administer a new round of medication. And from there it didn’t take long for Peter to drift off. Sleeping like the dead.

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Feel free to send mini-fic prompts! I can't promise that I'll get to it right away but I love having the inspiration! ❤

#happyaspie mini fic #<- check out that tag #tony stark #peter parker #may parker #identityrevealbingo2021 #identity reveal bingo #irondad and spiderson #marvel #mcu #iron man #spider man #injured peter parker #tw head injury #humor #iron dad and spider son #spider-man #marvel fanfiction

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fallingforunrealisticromance · 3 years

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Look at me - Spencer Reid x fem! reader

A/N: I've written a lot of Hotch content recently and as much as I love it, I felt like I needed to get some Reid in there as well. This was a bit rushed so sorry if there are any mistakes in there. Enjoy:)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of panic attacks/past trauma, toxic relationships

Word Count: 2462

***= time skip

Any details from a case are made up, not based on an actual episode.

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My mind is not something I ever thought I’d fear. I just assumed no matter how bad things got; I would be in control therefore it would never be anything I couldn’t handle. Even when I joined the BAU and was surrounded by harrowing cases all day, naively, I assumed I could keep on top of it. In case you hadn’t figured it out by now – I was wrong.

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We all collapsed into our respective seats on the jet, none of us saying anything. This case had been particularly brutal, and it took a lot out of us. We had nothing to talk about besides the events of the past few days and no one wanted to think about it more than necessary. I took the first window seat I saw, grabbing a blanket and curling into myself. The sun was beginning to set and watching it above the clouds would bring me some sense of peace. As cliché as it sounds, being above the clouds and watching the light slowly sink beneath causing there to be an orangey glow – everything felt so quiet, so calm. As if I was untouchable, like nothing bad could reach me. As I starred out of the window, I couldn’t quite get comfortable. Normally after cases, I was able to fall asleep roughly half an hour into the journey home, but something was keeping me up. This must have shown on my face as I felt as soft jab to my side, breaking me from my thoughts.

“You good pretty girl?” Morgan asked, leaning on the edge of my seat.

“Hm? Yeah I’m all good. Just can’t sleep.” I said offering a small smile.

“I feel you. I’ve been trying since I sat down but I guess today just isn’t our day.” He replied sighing. “You need a drink or anything?”

“Nah I’m okay. Thanks though.”

“No problem gorgeous. Hope your able to drift off soon.” He said before heading to the back for a drink. I sighed, turning my body to face the window once again. But before I was able to get lost in my thoughts yet again, Spencer sat down in front of me. His brow was furrowed as his eyes scanned over me.

“You okay there?” I chuckled looking over at him.

“I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.” He replied matter of factly. I raised my eyebrow at him as I shifted to face him a little better.

“May I ask why?” I said in a light-hearted tone.

“Because you can’t sleep.” He stated. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that so I stayed silent, allowing him to continue. “You always fall asleep. You sit by the window, you curl up, and your asleep within 20 minutes. The only time you don’t is if someone’s talking to you. But no ones spoken to you until just now and your still awake.” He explained. I starred at him, in slight shock. “S-so I think what I’m trying to figure out is what’s keeping you awake? And see if you’re okay?” He concluded, suddenly looking rather nervous as if he was worried he’d overstepped.

“Look I’m sorry just pretend I didn’t say anything.” He said going to stand up. “

No hey it’s fine. I’m just surprised you noticed that’s all.” I replied quickly.

“Of course I did, I care about you.” I’m not sure why but that simple sentence caused my heart to flutter. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always appreciated the fact that Spencer is attractive (even if he doesn’t believe it) but I’ve never thought of him in a romantic light. Since I’ve joined the BAU, we’ve always been able to lean on each other no matter what the situation. There was just something about us that clicked almost perfectly, there was nothing I couldn’t tell him. And even though we constantly got teased about being together, I’d never even considered it.

“Your right though, something is keeping me up.” I admitted, leaning back into my seat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer offered, copying my actions.

“Yeah I’d love to. I just don’t know what it is. There’s something making me feel, I don’t know, uncomfortable I guess? But I haven’t got a clue what.” I rubbed my head as I spoke, feeling the beginning of headache starting to form.

“Oh.” He replied shortly. I could tell he was trying to figure out what it could be, but it was no use. “Is there anything I can do?” He asked. I smiled at him but shook my head.

“I’m afraid not pretty boy, I’m sure it’s nothing. Was just a hard case you know” He nodded.

“Well, if you remember, o-or even if you don’t and you just wanna talk, you know you can always come and find me.” Once again, I felt my heart flutter. Why was he making me feel this way all of a sudden?

“Thank you Spence. You too.” The rest of the journey went pretty smoothly. I didn’t fall asleep but for the most part, the uncomfortable feeling left me alone.

********************************************************************

“Okay guys, head home get some rest. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Hotch said as we made our way out of the parking lot. We all called out to each other before jumping in our cars and made our ways home. Even now, something was playing on my mind, and it was starting to piss me off. You’d think I’d be able to remember something that was bugging me this much. I tried to push it from my thoughts as I flopped onto my bed. I was so worn out I couldn’t even be bothered to change, I just wrapped myself up under my duvet and prayed that sleep would find me soon.

********************************************************************

“Come on y/n, you’re overreacting. You know I only did it because I love you.”

“How the fuck am I overreacting? I never remember asking you to bash someone’s head into the sidewalk out of LOVE”

“You know what? This is your fault. You made me do this.”

“I MADE you?”

“If you didn’t hang out with him dressed like such a slut I wouldn’t have had to do anything.”

“You’re joking right? God your fucking insane.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? Does it hurt your feelings?”

“Shut up you bitch.”

“I’m done with this. I’m done with you. I should have never gone out with you. I’m leaving”

“No you’re not.”

“Dan I swear to fuck if you don’t let go of my hand I am calling the police.”

I jerked upright. My skin was damp with a cold sweat. My heart was hammering against my ribcage. My head was spinning. I couldn’t breathe. The sheets clung to me as scrambled out of my bed and headed for the front door. My mind was scrambled, I couldn’t stay at home. There was only one place I knew I’d feel safe. I pulled my shoes back on and ran out my front door before I begun sprinting down the road. I didn’t trust myself to drive right now.

******************************************************************

As I walked up the stairs of the apartment complex, very much out of breath, I begun second guessing my idea. It was literally 3 in the morning. But before I could convince myself otherwise, I raised my hand to knock on his door. I shouldn’t be here. He was probably asleep. Just as I turned to leave, the door swung open.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” A very dishevelled looking Spencer asked.

“Um yeah, no I just- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have woken you” I replied, fidgeting with my hands.

“It’s fine I’d actually fallen asleep on the sofa, so you did me a favour if anything.” He said with a soft chuckle. I couldn’t focus on his words, my mind still spinning. I could feel my breathing begin to quicken again. I was losing it.

“Hey, what’s going on?” His voice sounded muffled, as if he wasn’t stood right in front of me.

“I-I can’t breathe” I stammered. My legs felt as if they were about to give way. Before I could do anything else, I felt spencer wrap his arms around me and walk me into his apartment. He moved me to the sofa before closing the door and sitting down in front of me.

“What’s going on? Please I want to help but I need you to talk to me.” His voice sounded sincere. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my thoughts.

“I-I knew him.” I stammered, my hands trembling.

“Knew who?” He asked gently.

“I dated him. I don’t remember him being violent but then this one time- oh god. It’s my fault. I did this. T-they died because of me.” By this point, tears were streaming steadily down my face.

“What? Y/N who died? What do you mean you knew him?”

“THE FUCKING UNSUB SPENCER” I yelled, hysterically. I ran my fingers through my hair frantically. “I dated him. Ages ago. I don’t know how I didn’t recognise him. I think, no no I know, I was his stressor.” I explained, breathing heavily. Spencer starred at me. You know it’s bad when you render the boy genius himself speechless. “There was this guy I was friends with at the time, while I was dating Dan.”

“The unsub?” He cut in.

“Yes. Anyway, I’d been friends with this guy before I’d met dan, but they’d never liked each other. And then one night, I’d gone out. It was some sort of occasion, like a celebration thing I don’t know it’s all a bit fuzzy. I was wearing a dress and it wasn’t anything too bad, but it was showing off a decent amount of skin. I don’t really know how but dan turned up where we were and beat the living crap out of my friend. He ended up going to hospital. But that was the last time I saw dan, I left him that night. That has to of been his stressor.” I concluded, resting my head against the back of his sofa.

“You know it’s not uncommon for the brain to repress traumatic memories. That would explain why you didn’t recognise him and why you don’t remember everything, even now. You were most likely in such a toxic, stressful relationship with him that your mind didn’t know how to handle it. So instead of causing you more pain by trying to make sense of it all, it simply pushed those memories back far enough until you’d essentially forgotten that part of your life.” Spencer explained. What he was saying made sense, I didn’t like it, but it made sense. I could barely remember my relationship with him. All the details were jumbled up in my head. “When we brought him in, seeing him in the station must have triggered you to remember him. Or at least parts of it.” I nodded at his words.

“Most likely.” I mumbled. I still couldn’t shake the thought that I’d caused all of this. The pain the victims went through, their families, their friends all because of me. As if he could read my mind spencer spoke up yet again.

“Stop blaming yourself. This isn’t your fault.”

“It is though. If I hadn’t-“

"It’s a chemical thing y/n. That part of him was always there, it just takes a certain situation to cause it to snap. I know it’s hard, but you have to remember that you did not cause this.” His words provided me a slight comfort. Not much, but enough for me to drop the subject.

“I’m sorry to have put all this on you this late.” I mumbled.

“Don’t be. I’m glad you felt you could talk to me about this.” He replied, shifting so he was sitting next to me rather than in front. We sat in a comfortable silent for a few moments, enjoying each other’s company. I tried to stifle a yawn but failed miserably.

“How did you get here? I didn’t see you with any car keys when you came in.” Spencer asked softly.

“I ran.” I admitted, to tired to lie.

“You ran? You live like 3 blocks away.” He said, surprised.

“I was just so shaken up I didn’t think I could drive.” I reasoned.

“You should’ve called me; I would have picked you up.” He replied gazing at me. I felt my stomach flip. I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that I was only now realising how much he cared for me, but in that moment I felt nothing but love for spencer. I studied his facial features for a second, appreciating how attractive he really was. The way his eyes shone constantly with eagerness and knowledge. The way his brows twitched slightly if something confused him. My eyes eventually travelled down to his lips. They looked so soft and inviting. Suddenly, I found myself consumed by the desperate urge to kiss him.

“You’ve always been there for me you know spencer? I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.” I said softly. He looked slightly taken back by my words, but his lips curled up into a small smile.

“You mean a lot too me too. More than I could try to describe.” Before we realised what was happening, we found ourselves leaning closer into each other.

“Spence I-“ But he swiftly cut me off, cupping my face in his hands and pulled his lips to meet mine. My arms found their way round his neck as I laced my fingers into the back of his hair. He held me carefully, as if he was scared he was going to lose me. The kiss was gentle, but it spoke a million words for the both of us. When we eventually pulled away, he kept his hands where the were as he slowly caressed my cheek with his thumb. We didn’t say anything, we didn’t have too. We both knew where we stood and what this meant for us. I just smiled at him, feeling like a lovesick teenager. Eventually he layed back on the sofa, pulling me on top of him. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist protectively as I cuddled closer to him. I’d never felt more at peace than I did in that moment. It didn’t take long for me to start drifting off yet again, with the rhythmic beat of spencer’s heart and the feeling of him tracing small patterns on my back. I felt him press a kiss to my head.

“Sleep well. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. I love you.” He whispered, just as I slipped away into the darkness of sleep.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds #criminal minds reid #dr reid #bau #fluff #reid x reader

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jaminjims · 3 years

Text

「WE GOT YOU」

anon request: hi can you do an ot7 female eight member scenario a fluff and angst one where they're female member experiences a panic attack, gets really tired so they take care of you.

pairing: bts ot7 x f!reader (platonic or romantic)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: panic attacks, brief mention of insomnia, hospitalization of loved ones, crying, migraines

words: 1.7k

~**~

You sighed deeply as you exited the private plane that belonged to you and the boys. You could already feel a pounding migraine behind your eyes and coupled with the insomnia you’ve been having lately, you were about ready to drop dead where you were standing.

The eight of you walked into the airport, you pulling your little Kumamon suitcase behind you. No one talked because you were all feeling the effects of major jet lag and were exhausted from the promotions you did in the US. It was peaceful (other than the raging headache you had) but that soon changed when you entered the main public area of the airport.

Screaming filled your ears and you had to shut your eyes from the sudden sensory overload. It did nothing to help your migraine and you almost staggered in place. Flashing cameras blinded your eyes as you walked through the airport and you suddenly felt dizzy. You grabbed the sleeve of Namjoon so you could have a sense of support and stability, and once he looked down and saw your state, he was quick to pull you close to him and put a protective arm around your shoulders.

It was like a domino effect after that; once Hobi saw your state, he reached for your suitcase and started carrying it himself. Taehyung slid up on your other side and held your hand in his. The rest of the boys made a small circle around you to try to shield you away from the screaming fans and the flashing lights.

It was hectic and the walk to the van seemed to take way longer than usual for you. If the boys said anything to you during the walk you didn’t hear them as you focused on pushing down the intense feeling of vertigo that threatened to make you fall over completely.

By the time you all got to the car, Namjoon was basically holding you up and you were breathing deeply. With the screaming and flashing now gone, you got a better sense for your surroundings and you could hear the boys clearly now.

“Y/n-ah, what’s wrong?” Asked Jin from where he was in the front passenger seat. He watched as Jungkook and Jimin helped you in the van, and saw how you stumbled when no one was supporting you. You slumped into your seat in between Yoongi and Taehyung and whispered out a pathetic ‘headache and dizzy’ to answer Jin’s question.

He frowned as the boys all searched in their bags for medicine, all their attention on helping you feel better. The van started driving and as it turned and went over bumps in the road, it made your head pound more. You groaned and from beside you Yoongi slowly maneuvered you so your head was on his lap and your feet were across Taehyung.

He slowly started to massage your head and you sighed, “Does that feel better?” You gave a small nod as Taehyung rubbed your legs, trying to sooth you. They all tried to refrain from saying anything lest it make your headache worse. Jimin hummed in slight victory as he found some advil lodged deep in his carry on and passed it to Namjoon who then passed it to Taehyung.

“Jagi, have some advil.” You sat up slowly and took some out of his hand, Jungkook handed you his water bottle and you took the medicine. “Thank you.”

The vibration from your phone caught your attention and you pulled in out of your hoodie pocket. You suddenly stopped breathing as panic took over you.

‘4 missed calls from Mom’ and ‘13 new text messages’ glared back at you. A few years ago your father got suddenly ill and he’s been in the hospital since. You knew it was an emergency when your mom and sister spammed you with messages.

‘Your father just went into the ER, please call when you can.’ - Mom

‘Please, Y/n-ah. Appa is in bad condition and we want to talk to you’ - Nayeon

Hoseok was the first person to notice your picked up breathing and how you frantically unlocked your phone to call your mom back. “Y/n-ah?”

That brought everyone’s attention back to you and they all felt slight panic coarse through them as well when they saw your state.

“Hello? Eomma?” When it went straight to voicemail your heart rate picked up more and you started crying.

“Y/n tell us what’s wrong. What’s happening?” Namjoon looked over at you and wished he could hold you somehow to comfort you. Jungkook and Jimin almost left their seats to get to you while Jin straight up almost climbed in the back.

Yoongi made you look at him as Taehyung rubbed your neck, “What’s happening?”

You choked on a sob as you hoped that your sister would pick up. “My Appa is in the ER, and he is in b-bad condition.” Your sister’s phone went to voicemail as well and your breath got caught in your throat.

Everything around you became fuzzy as you suddenly couldn’t breathe. Your headache was now raging and you felt like it was going to explode; the sleepless nights you have had recently also made you feel bone tired you didn’t know what to do. All of this mixed together made the rational part of your brain nonexistent and you automatically started thinking the worst and that sent you headfirst into a giant panic attack.

‘What if you never see him again? Never talk to him again? Never get to see him smile? What if Nayeon and Eomma hate you for not answering in his final moments? What if-‘

You struggled to breath and you think you feel multiple hands and hear multiple voices around you but your weren’t sure. You clutched your head and choked on nothing. This day just got worse and worse and you didn’t know how to handle it. The boys all around you tried to remain calm as they tried to get you to listen to them.

Jimin, with the most experience in dealing with your panic attacks, unbuckled his seatbelt so he could reach over and take your face in his hands. “Y/n, follow my voice. Can you hear me? Come back to us, it’s ok, you’re ok. Focus on the warmth of my hands, ok? We got you.”

His soft voice broke through the veil of panic and you tried to focus on his hands and voice. You took a big gulp of air and suddenly launched yourself at him and engulfed him in a hug. You were still crying as Jimin pulled his hands through your hair while Taehyung and Yoongi beside you rubbed your back.

Hoseok also unbuckled his seat belt and went to wipe the tears off your face. The five of you squeezed in the back made you feel protected and your cries got quieter. Jungkook reached back to hold your hand as Jin handed Namjoon some napkins that he then handed to Hoseok to help you clean your face.

“Now, tell us what happened, ok Jagi?” Namjoon inquired in a soft voice. You ended up telling them not only about the sudden scare with your father, but also about how you haven’t been sleeping well lately and you’ve started to feel dizzy more often.

They all waited for you to finish and by the time you did, they all had varying faces of sadness and worry. They didn’t know that you have been feeling worse the past few days and they felt guilty that they didn’t notice.

Jimin pulled you into another hug, “Let’s all take a deep breath, ok? Try calling them back again.”

You nodded and sniffed. They all waited in bated anticipation as they waited to see if your sister would pick up. Once they heard her voice the boys sighed in relief as you almost started crying again, “Nayeon-Unnie...”

“Y/n-ah,” she sounded relieved, “it’s ok, everyone is ok. It was a malfunction in the hospital equipment and they thought he suddenly stopped breathing. Appa is ok.”

You started crying again, but this time in relief. “Oh, Y/n. Don’t cry, alright? Everything is ok.” Your mom must have grabbed the phone out of your sister’s hand because now she was talking.

At your moms voice you started crying more, “Eomma...”

“Aish, it’s ok.” Your mom sounded like she was about to start crying as well. “Sorry for making you panic sweetheart.”

You couldn’t get out any words in response and Jin motioned to hand the phone over to him. He smiled even though your family couldn’t see it, “Hello, this is Jin.”

Your mom greeted him and started to ask how he was, Jin just chuckled, “I’m alright. Y/n-ah got pretty spoked though. No, she’s ok now. Don’t worry, we got her.” He chuckled again, “Yes Ma’am, we will. Alright.” Then he hung up. You must’ve spent awhile in a panic because you had all arrived home by now.

Your headache was still raging, so Jungkook offered to carry you into the dorms. You were so, so tired and all you wanted was to sleep for three days straight. Jungkook lied you down on the couch and took a spot beside you as Namjoon took the other. Hobi went and got a blanket to drape around your shoulders as Jin started making some soup that would hopefully make you feel better.

You leaned into Namjoon and he put his hand on the back of the couch so you could lie on him. Jungkook then moved to put his arms around your waist so he could also cuddle with you. Taehyung put on your favorite disney movie and the seven of you found varying places on the couch and seats surrounding so you could all watch it together.

A few minutes in, Jin came in with not only soup for you, but for all of the boys. Before any of them started eating though, they made sure you finished yours. Jungkook even insisted on feeding you himself.

You laughed a little as you snuggled into Namjoon and the blanket. You felt warm and safe and so, so tired. With food in your stomach, your headache slowly started to ebb away and you felt like you could breathe easier now. Not even 30 minutes into the movie, you started to feel your eyes close as you struggled to stay awake.

Namjoon looked down and saw you trying it keep your eyes open, he chuckled to himself and ran his fingers through your hair. He learned down to whisper in your ear;

“Go to sleep Y/n-ah, we got you.”

[end]

~**~

end note: ahh i feel like this fic is not really as good as my other ones, so i’m sorry for that anon :( but thank you for requesting anyway! i love love love when you guys request, even though it takes a while for me to write sometimes, it makes me so happy. i hope you enjoyed it anonie 💜

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taglist: @boba-tea1206

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odd-birds-and-booksellers · 3 years

Text

“Alex…” Jo interrupts, her hand slowly curing round his, the one resting on her bump. He can feel his lips trembling as the tears he’d fought so hard to keep at bay begin to fall.

"I put glow in the dark stars up.” He whispered. "So she can't be dead."

On one of the rare occasions, Alex and Jo’s days off don’t coincide, Alex finds himself wishing for a six-hour surgery, hell he’d rather be removing splinters than deciding between lemon sherbet and soft daffodil. To say he was excited about the impending arrival of their second child would be an understatement but completing the ridiculously long list Jo had left him to do this morning before rushing off with Robin felt more like torture.

He understood though, with only two months to go everything seemed to pile up on them, the quiet calm they had mistaken for panic when Robin was on the way paled in comparison when they were trying to juggle two full time demanding careers, a new puppy, a new baby and a toddler whose main goal in life seemed to be giving his parents a heart attack with the many hiding places he could find.

And this is how Alex found himself staring into the abyss of a million Amazon boxes that Jo had somehow managed to sneak by him, with various shades of yellow paint cans dotted around.

He understood Jo’s desire to make everything perfect, she’d been that way since she’d stepped out of the loft bathroom over two years ago, her hands shaking as she lifted the test towards him clearly displaying two lines. He swears they both had good intentions when Robin was born, he wouldn’t be spoiled, there wouldn't be gifts that make up for missing birthdays or missing bedtimes, they’d be honest about mommy and daddy having to work hard for everything they have and yet they couldn’t seem to stop themselves, because the luxury of giving their son and now their daughter everything they’d never had brought more happiness to Jo and Alex then maybe their children would ever understand. There could never be a single second their children doubted how loved and wanted they truly were, so it didn’t matter if their daughter would be in with them for the first few months, her room had to be finished before she arrived.

Their daughter...he smiles at the mere thought of her, their daughter, who likes to kick when their reading Robins bedtime stories, or plays the guitar on Jo’s rib cage until Alex sings along softly with her in the early hours of the morning, their daughter who’d refused to make herself seen for the first two scans.

It’s only when Alex finishes the last coat of soft daffodil that he hears the faint ringing of his phone above the radio. Shuffling down the ladder he wipes the back of his hand on his shirt as he hears the familiar ringtone sound again making Alex frown as he manages to navigate his way through the maze of boxes he's built around himself.

There’s a slight twitch in his chest as he begins down the stairs hearing his phone fall quiet only to start up again seconds later. He finds it still plugged in by the coffee machine where he’d left it, glancing at the screen to see he had twelve missed calls and three voicemails.

There's a definite twitch in his chest now as he clicks play on Jo's first voicemail, his lips twitching up at the sound of Robin's singing. They sounded like they were still in the car as Jo listed off a few more things she needed him to do.

"Hey, sorry I know you said not to go overboard but there are two more deliveries coming today so make sure to listen out for them and oh oh...if you get a chance to go grocery shopping we need...well we need pretty much everything but get me those cupcakes with the oranges on them and oh erm..." She paused after taking a slightly heavy breath. "I do not feel great today, maybe I can get someone to take over my surgeries. Oh and don’t forget to get the box of baby clothes down from the attic will you...okay... I love you, Alex, I’ll call you later."

He frowned quickly, bypassing the message Meredith had left, assuming it was whatever love triangle tragedy she had that day. He finds Jo's second message. There was no greeting to this one, only Jo's panicked voice.

"Why aren’t you answering the phone Alex? What’s the point of having one if you don’t ever answer it?”

His phone beeped again, signalling another message had been left, this time from Meredith again.

"Alex, where the hell are you? You need to be here now. I don't know if Jo is trying not to worry you but Carina is having her admitted so get over here before I leave work and drag you here myself.”

He felt his heart begin to drop in his chest as he hit replay, trying to piece together what was happening. Before he even knew it his feet were carrying him towards the front door, keys in hand as he rushed out. His entire mind had narrowed in on one simple need: to get to Jo.

He couldn't think of much else as he drove, he doesn’t even remember his route to the hospital he just remembers being at home and then bursting through the doors of Grey Sloan. He was severely out of breath by the time he caught sight of Meredith outside the maternity ward talking quietly with Bailey.

The best thing about Meredith, and what made her excel as a doctor, was that she was damn good in a crisis. So she knew the minute their eyes met that Alex just needed Jo. As soon as he’s within reach she wraps an arm around his shoulder—which felt way too much like condolences for Alex's liking and leads him through the doors where Carina was already waiting. This had to be a mistake. Jo was fine last night. Their daughter was fine last night. He’d felt her kicking as they’d talked. They’d talked about his mom's upcoming visit, and maybe going to see Amber and her family for Christmas or inviting them here.

"—I know. It's awful." Carina mutters her eyes on Jo's chart. The intern beside her nodded in agreement.

"I hope Dr Karev shows up before the ultrasound. She shouldn't have to deal with that alone." The intern responds.

“He’s here,” Carina whispers as she looks up, hearing Alex and Meredith footsteps as she tucks the chart under her arm. “If you can go set up the ultrasound while I talk to him.”

"Of course."

Alex gulps at the sorrow on Carina’s face as she steps closer, it's all too much for him as he averts his gaze down to the floor, his eyes catching on the silver band around his finger, splattered with yellow paint from earlier.

"What's going on?" Alex asks, hearing his voice crack as Meredith drops her hand from his back.

"Alex, you need to take a breath and pull yourself together because right now Jo needs you.”

He doesn't respond to Mer, doesn't even look at her as he raises his gaze back towards Carina, “What’s going on?” He repeats, his voice lower this time.

"Jo's in premature labour. She mentioned a couple of hours ago that she had some pretty bad Braxton Hicks, but then she timed them and they were too close together and too regular. So she paged me, and when I checked her cervix had already begun to open-”

Alex found himself nodding along but Carina’s words soon faded to quiet buzz in his ears. His fingers are already twitching to hold Jo. This couldn’t be happening, not to them. Not now.

"Okay." He whispers his voice dangerously low as he blinks back tears, desperately trying to pull himself together when everything in him was burning. Please don’t do this, please don’t take her from us, please don’t do this to her . He can feel his nails digging into the palm of his hand, the only way he's sure he’s still alive is the dull pain he feels as he takes a deep breath gathering himself slowly. Suddenly his doctor brain kicks in as he begins to ask what they are doing to fix this, listing everything he knew like he wasn’t surrounded by some of the best doctors he knew.

Carina nods, her words still buzzing in Alex’s head as she explains the past couple of hours, Jo’s contractions stopped an hour ago, her cervix hasn't opened any further.

“We’re just waiting to do an ultrasound...it really needs to be done right away.”

“Right...what's the problem then?”

“She’s refusing Alex, won't let anyone near her.”

Alex shakes his head, that's not true. Jo wouldn’t...she would never do anything that could harm their baby. She wouldn’t refuse medical care. He watches as Meredith shoots another look to Carina who sighs, tilting her head in a way that has Alex’s heart dropping into his stomach. “I tried earlier with the stethoscope to find the heartbeat...and was unsuccessful.”

"Alex, do you understand? We couldn't find a heartbeat. Dr DeLuca tried and I did too. Even Jo tried...now she’s refusing the ultrasound, she won’t let anyone touch her."

The childish reaction was quick and automatic. "Maybe you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t do it right, okay? You know you should check properly.”

Carina took a deep breath. "Alex, I'm sorry. I’m going to do an ultrasound, of course, but…I don't know. It's usually easy to hear it with a stethoscope at twenty-eight weeks. Intrauterine deaths happen and there's not much—"

He felt like he couldn't breathe. His hand was clutching at his chest trying to feel the air filling his lungs but he couldn’t feel a thing as everything went fuzzy again. "Stop. Just shut up. You don’t know Jo. You don’t know our…"

"I'm so, so, s o sorry, Alex," Mer whispered. "I know how much you wanted her."

He felt his eyes burning. "I still want her. And you're wrong because I just felt her kick last night. She was kicking when I sang—she always does that. She does. So she can't be dead."

He chokes on his words. “She’s not...dead.”

There’s a quiet discussion mainly between Carina and Meredith who seems to be answering for Alex as they both guide him towards a door at the end of the corridor:

He has to stand outside the door for a full minute as he tries to get a hold of himself. He doesn’t want his face to show how truly scared he is at this moment.

When he does finally gather himself enough to step into the room he notices how the curtains were pulled, blocking almost all of the sunlight from the otherwise dark room. Jo was curled up onto her side, her entire body tucked protectively around Robin's sleeping frame. She hadn't even lifted her head or made a move to turn when the door shut behind Alex, and that terrified him so deeply that he couldn't even move. It had all suddenly gotten very real.

He walked slowly around the bed so he could see her face, he needed to meet her eyes or he’d never believe any of this was true. But as he rounded the bed he was met with her blank stare, blinking slowly as she took in his form.

"Robin needs to go home. I don't want him to have to see any more of this." She said quietly. She made no move to speak about what was going on. She was emotionless and it terrified him. Suddenly flashbacks of the first time he’d ever seen her look so shut down came to mind. When she’d first met her biological mother. When she’d shut down and left him out in the cold. He wasn’t sure he could survive it back then, he’d needed her so much but now he was certain he’d never survive without her.

Alex turned his focus to his son, who was asleep with his face scrunched up against Jo’s chest, his chubby hands resting on the swell of her stomach.

"I can get Mer to take him home with her." He told Jo quietly, he couldn't find any other words to say, it seemed neither could she.

Jo just nods in response but makes no effort to move. Alex could tell by her hand curling tighter around Robin's back that she wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet.

He’s not sure how much time passes next, as he takes a seat carefully on the edge of the bed. Reaching out gingerly to run his hands softly across Jo's cheek. And it’s in that moment when their eyes meet, his thumb tracing the already dried tear tracks down her face that they break. She lifts her right arm gathering a handful of his shirt tightly pulling him closer, pressing her cheek against his chest so she could hear his steady heartbeat. She doesn't say anything and for a second she’s silent before the sob she must’ve been holding back erupts from her and Alex can feel the tears begin to soak through his T-shirt. He feels powerless, all he can do is keep a steady arm wrapped around his wife holding her tightly to him. That was what hurt him the most about this. He couldn't do anything to take her pain away. He couldn’t fix this.

“Jo…Jo Carina is waiting to do an ultrasound…we need…we need to be sure.” Alex sighs trying to keep his tears at bay as she continues to shake in his arms. “Why won’t you let her help?”

"I didn't want anyone else." She finally admits, loosening her grip enough that he can see her face, her lips trembling as she speaks. The sight alone sends another sharp stab through Alex’s heart. "I didn't want anyone. I wanted you. I wanted—I wanted you to make it better."

Alex nods, wishing with everything in him that he could make any of this better. He lets out a shaky breath as Jo settles back down so her head was resting on his chest, her face pressing into his collarbone. He knows it is selfish, he knows it might kill them both but he can’t help reaching out over Robin's little body and pressing his hand to her stomach. He waits a moment…before pressing again, still waiting to feel the usual response. He hears Jo's breath hitch as she too waits for the little nudge of their daughter's feet, he knows she’s usually responded by now but he waits, he just keeps waiting. He thinks sort of him will always be waiting for that little kick…he thinks this moment might be frozen in time. Not us. This happens to people, but not us. Maybe it wasn’t fair to think like that, after all, every day he sees the worst card parents could ever be handed in life and yet he says the same lines about support groups and doing everything he could and not once did he think he’d ever need to hear those words.

He doesn’t know how long he keeps his hand there just waiting. "I just finished painting the nursery. I went with soft daffodils but if you prefer lemon sherbet we can change it…we can pick whatever colour you want, and I know I said we didn’t need a new crib but if you want that fancy one we’ll-“

“Alex…” Jo interrupts, her hand slowly curling around his own on her bump. He can feel his own lips trembling as the tears he’d fought so hard to keep at bay begin to fall.

"I put glow in the dark stars up.” He whispered. "So she can't be dead."

There’s no logic to what he said. There’s no truth to his reasoning but he believes it. Jo winces at his words or more likely one word in particular. He feels her drag his hand down to where Robin's tiny hands rest, a little reminder of what they still have.

Alex moves closer to them, pulling Robin gently onto his chest, sliding over and opening his arms for Jo. Letting her sink into him. She rests against him like she no longer has the strength to hold herself up.

“I'm sorry. I thought it was nothing more than Braxton Hicks. Can you believe that? I’m a freaking doctor and I couldn’t tell the difference between Braxton hicks and labour. I should have known better. I did this. This is my fault—"

Alex cuts her off, shushing her. "It's not your fault," he assures her. Life was unfair. He knew that. But this pain Jo didn’t deserve. Not his children. Not Robin. Not their new little girl with the stars on her ceiling. Not his family. They hadn't built this together for it to be broken.

"Please don't cry," she pleaded, her voice wavering. "Please don't, it terrifies me. I'm already so scared, Alex. I'm so scared."

Alex just nods, swallowing deeply as he pulls her tighter against his side. It was true that everything had changed once he'd had children. He no longer understood how he had lived without them. And he was realizing that everything he gained could be taken just as easily. He knew that, if this baby really were gone, there would be nothing he could do to ever fix the pain that would settle in Jo's heart or his own for that matter.

He feels Robin begin to stir against him and he forces a smile on his face and kisses his head, smiling genuinely when the little one lifts his arms, reaching out for his father in an instant.

"Daddy” He cheered, his little fists gripping Alex’s T-shirt as he shifted him higher up his chest. He settles his palm on the back of his head and kisses his head again.

"Robin, how would you feel about playing with Ellis, Bailey and Zola tonight?" He asks him carefully.

Robin is as stubborn as his mother. "Scout?" He suggests instead.

"Yeah okay, we can see if Uncle Link will take you. You can play with Scout and then mommy and daddy will see you when you wake up." He knows Robin has no real clue on what’s happening around him but he knew Jo had been right. He didn't need to be here.

Robin lifts his head and peers down at Jo. He seemed to be thinking hard about the proposition before shaking his head fiercely.

"No."

No was his new favourite word and Alex was already sick of hearing it. He strokes his hair back as he meets eyes with Jo. Her tears are still falling steadily. Her hands spread out over her stomach and he knew she was waiting to feel something still.

"No, I want mommy," Robin insists. His little face mustering up what Alex assumed was a scowl as he reached over to wrap his hand around one of Jo's curls hanging loose in front of her face. Alex didn’t have it in him to battle Robin today, it’s not like he wanted to let go of Jo either.

They were out of time to decide what to do about Robin because Carina was already wheeling in the ultrasound. Jo tensed beside him, her hand gripping his tightly as he rose from his place on the bed lifting Robin with him.

"I can't. Please." She whispers and if possible his heart cracked even more.

She was hanging on by a thin thread, but she was hanging onto him. They could survive this…they could survive it together. He lifts Robin higher up his chest, gently cradling Robin's head to his shoulder as the little one's legs wrapped around him.

Alex stared at the swell of Jo’s stomach, the same stomach he'd kissed just last night and singing old country songs much to Jo's amusement. There was no way…there was no way she was…he’d just finished her room…the paint was still wet. Her name is written in stars above her crib. She can’t be.

Alex didn't even realize he was crying until Carina flashes him a sympathetic smile. Robin lifts his head as he squirms in his fathers’ tight grip, peering up at him with a frown. Reaching out to touch his cheeks with his small hands.

"Daddy sad?” He whispers curiously. Alex was torn because there’s no way of explaining this to their toddler and he doesn't want to scare him. Instead, he settles for pressing him back against his chest, his little face squeezed against his neck because while he didn’t want him to watch he also couldn’t bear to let him go.

He watches as Carina helps Jo to sit up. It was too much to watch, the way her whole body shakes as her cries shook through her. He reached for her hand, laying limp by her side, his hand covering hers as he threaded their fingers together. She squeezes his hand back, gripping onto him like he was the only thing stopping her from coming undone. Her hand in his gave him a spark of hope that maybe no matter what happened next they’d make it together, as long they just kept holding on.

He almost dropped Robin in paralyzing relief when the familiar whooshing of the heartbeat filled the room. He lets out a cry of relief as he shakes his head. Alex presses his face back into Robin's hair and squeezes Jo's hand tightly, his heart still pounding away.

"Why wasn't she moving?" Jo asks, her voice hoarse. "I tried everything and she wouldn't move. And why couldn't you find it before?"

"Babies don't move much if at all during labour," Carina explained. "And I don't know. I listened for such a long time.” Once again Alex’s mind blocks out the surrounding noise until it’s a quiet buzz. Instead, he focuses on the image of their baby girl on the screen, the feel of Robin's hot breath against his neck and Jo's hand still clutching his tightly. His family. He’s had these images ever since they’d decided to try for a second…maybe even longer, before Robin, before he and Jo had even got married he’d had this whole dream…Jo, their kids and the house they’d live in and the life they’d live. “But you'll have to be on strict bed rest for the rest of this pregnancy, and even then there's no way to know how long you can prolong labour. If we can keep her from being born for at least a month she’ll be in a much better position."

He comes back down to reality when he feels Jo tug at his hand, she’s looking up at him expectantly. “There’s our girl,” He whispers, leaning closer, pressing a quiet kiss to her hair, not even glancing at Carina as she backs out of the room to give them a moment.

"What if I have to give birth soon?" She mumbled into his shirt. "What if we lose her anyway?"

He shook his head firmly. "We won't.”

He kisses her forehead and glances down at Robin before turning back to Jo. She was looking at him with that look. The one that communicated very clearly that she trusted him with everything in her.

Alex set his hands on her stomach and let out another relieved breath.

"God." He said quietly. She set her hand over his and caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

Jo's expression twists with guilt. "I’m so sorry...this is all my fault. I've been overworking myself. I always think I can do so much more than I can and our girl is suffering because of it. Maybe I'm not fit to be a mother."

Alex shook his head. "If you're not fit to be a mother, Jo, no one is. Hell, you know what an unfit parent looks like and you are not one."

She opens her mouth to say something else, but abruptly she stops, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. Her expression goes from shock to joy in no time at all as she grabs his hands gently and moves them back to her stomach, pressing down lightly. Alex feels a familiar, returning nudge, gentle and soft, but definitely there. He laughs giddily and locks eyes with Jo, pleased when she laughs in return. He moves around the bed, leaning over Jo so he could press a kiss to the spot he'd last felt the nudge. He keeps his cheek pressed against her soft skin for a moment, whispering a quiet ‘I love you.’ before looking back at Jo’s teary gaze.

"Robin, come here. Come feel your sister." He tells the toddler. Alex tugs him up into his lap and helps guide his hand to the spot he'd just kissed. He applies slight pressure and laughs at the joyous giggle Robin gives when he feels the baby move underneath his hand.

"That's your little sister."

Robin looked up at her father and smiled but the tiny movements didn’t keep his attention for long as he began to climb out of Alex’s grip, into Jo's welcoming arms.

“It’s gonna be okay Jo. We’re gonna be okay.”

Jo looks up at him. Tears still trailing down her face but the sparkle missing from her gaze earlier was slowly making its way back.

He smiles gently, reaching out to cup her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs softly over the wet trails her tears left. "Everything’s gonna be okay.” He promised. "You'll see."

And she did. A little over two months later their baby girl made her entrance into the world, a little less dramatic than her brother as she’d been monitored so closely, that it was no surprise when she decided to join everyone. With her brown eyes sparkling with the same warmth as her mother’s and a full head of hair she was every little bit perfect as Alex had imagined. A little taste of heaven.

“Hey, baby…welcome home.” Alex grinned as he pulled open the door to the nursery, ushering in Robin who proudly displayed the teddy he’d chosen for his baby sister as Jo slowly made her way inside. She’d been too afraid to step inside since the incident, she claimed it would jinx it.

“Oh wow…” She hummed happily looking down at the bundle in her arms, who as predicted was still asleep and had no understanding of the magnitude of the moment happening around her. “Aren’t you a lucky girl P?”

“Mommy… I see…you sit.” Robin yelps, pulling Jo from the bottom of her cardigan towards the new rocking chair set up in the corner. Jo is all too happy to take a seat, allowing Robin to catch sight of his baby sister.

“It’s perfect Alex…Thank you.” Jo mumbles after a minute, catching Alex’s eye who had taken the moment to settle against the door frame and just watch his family.

He smiles softly, before pushing up off the frame heading towards the window. “You haven’t seen the best bit.” He pulls the blinds down slowly, letting darkness take over the room leaving only the glowing stars for light.

Robin gasped as he looked around in wonder but Jo's eyes remained trained on Alex. “I love you.” She whispers.

“I love you.” Alex grins, kneeling down beside the chair as he runs his hand across their daughter's head. “I love you all…now look up.”

Tilting her head, Jo looked up at the ceiling and gasped. The stars trailed up the wall and right above the crib, they clustered together, spelling out their dear daughter's name.

Peyton.

Yes. This is a day late. But it's also very on-brand for me so.

This one-shot is part of the What Could've Been universe so if you haven't read them I would thoroughly recommend reading them, you find them all under my master post on Tumblr.

Also, I made all the medical crap up, so don't come for me with corrections...I don't care.

#alex karev #jolex #jo wilson #jo karev #greys anatomy #greys abc #justin chambers #greysanatony #greys #camilla luddington #Jolex oneshot #Jolex fanfic #jolex fanfiction #tsjolexweek

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purpletaecup · 4 years

Photo

7 ☾ i loved you. i’m sorry.

warnings: depictions of panic attacks

notes: writing the end of this chapter made me cry t^t luv u guys, thank you for the support. i love writing this story so much! feel free to send an ask to the IFU universe characters or vent to me about them! also, there is a picture in here that i drew!!!! it’s not that great but I hope you guys like it :-)

word count: 4,471

“Who are you?”

Those words echo in Yoongi’s ear as if it was his final judgment from the king of hell. He staggered but held onto the edge of your hospital bed to keep from falling. He could only look at you in shock and silence while the doctor came up from behind him and examined you.

“Miss Kim, how are you feeling? Is there any pain?” The doctor asked.

You rubbed and blinked a couple of times. Everything was still a little blurry.

“M’head hurts and my body is so sore,” you reply. “Why am I here?”

“What’s the last thing you remember, Miss Kim?”

Rubbing your temples, you groaned in frustration, not remembering how you ended up in this hospital bed.

“I can’t remember. Everything’s really fuzzy right now.”

The doctor turns to Yoongi, who sat himself down on the chair further away from you.

“Do you recognize him?”

You looked at the man in the chair and examined him for a while. There’s a chill that runs through Yoongi’s body as he sees your eyes roam him from head to toe. He almost expects to see some kind of anger or resentment on your face, but receives nothing but confusion.

You turn back to the doctor shaking your head. He opens his mouth to say something but Yoongi beats him to it.

“It’s okay, doc, we can talk about that later, but is she okay? You said your head was hurting, right, Yn?” He says, looking back at you.

Cautiously, you nod at him before looking at the doctor again.

“It’s throbbing and it feels like there’s drums banging in my head.”

“This is all completely normal. You were in a pretty severe car accident and received a pretty worrisome head injury. You were unconscious for about five days, so your body has already started its healing process. In the coming weeks, you might experience some delayed symptoms related to the concussion you received.”

“What kind of symptoms? Is she going to be okay?” Though shocked as he was with your current predicament, Yoongi couldn’t help but worry even more.

“Mr. Min, if you would just let me continue, I can give you and Miss Yn all the answers you need. Because of the nature of the accident, she received a pretty bad head injury resulting in a concussion I believe to be grade II or III.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked.

“It’s just a way to classify the severity of the concussion you received. Since you were in a car accident, you sustained a lot of other injuries but nothing too severe like broken bones. Miraculously enough, you managed to be wheeled away with only lacerations, bruising and a head injury. You were unconscious for about five days and you’re exhibiting signs of amnesia along with blurriness and headaches. These are all signs of a grade II or III concussion, though we won’t know which one until after a few more days of monitoring. Either way, there is the possibility of delayed symptoms like headaches, nausea and imbalance. After we’ve monitored your brain activity and symptoms for a few days, we can determine the grade of concussion clearly and proceed with treatment if needed. I’m leaning a bit more towards a grade II because you’re still able to speak and understand in a normal manner, but the memory loss is worrisome so we’ll have to monitor that and see if it lasts for over 24 hours or not.”

You groaned and tried to sit up straighter, but your muscles, so sore and unused for days, were making it difficult. Yoongi, who had inched closer and closer to you while the doctor spoke, held your hand in one of his while the other helped push you to sit up more comfortably. You murmur a soft thanks in his direction.

“I still don’t understand. You’re saying that I have amnesia, but I feel like I remember everything I should. I know my name, my parent’s names, my friends and my family’s names.” You begin to explain, not really understanding the whole ‘amnesia’ thing.

“How old are you? And what year is it?” The doctor asked while scribbling on your chart.

“19, and it’s 2016.” As soon as those words came out of your mouth, Yoongi fell into a quiet shock once again. Not only had you not recognized him, he was completely erased from your memory. You two met when you were 19, and in your head, you were 19 and you had no idea who he was, so your memory must have conveniently stopped sometime before you met him. He almost scoffs at the irony of it all.

“Miss Kim, you’re 23. You just turned 23 two months ago and it’s currently 2020. Today is the eleventh of November.”

The gasp leaves your mouth before you realize it. Your shaky hands lift up to cover your mouth and you feel tears well up in your eyes from the impact of the doctor’s statement.

“What do you mean? How can I just lose four years in my memory?” Your voice cracks when you ask and through the tears and the shaky breaths, you feel the ghost of a hand on your back.

“That, we don’t know. We haven’t seen an amnesia case this severe in decades, but that’s why we’re going to be monitoring you. Amnesia in head injury patients is pretty unpredictable, but most people who experience amnesia usually only lose memories within the day or at most a week, but it usually never lasts for more than a couple of days. You losing four years of memories doesn’t essentially correlate to how long it will take to regain those memories. For all we know, you could get them back tonight, but like I said, it’s pretty unpredictable.”

It takes a moment for all of it to sink in and absorb. Okay, so you lost four years of memories, but you might regain them soon. Although it’s not a guarantee, it’s still a possibility. You wipe the tears and you steady your breath before turning to the doctor once again.

“What’s he got to do with all of this? I still don’t know who he is or why he’s here.” You ask while pointing to the man beside you.

The doctor looks at you, then looks at him as if expecting him to take the floor and explain things himself.

“I’m Min Yoongi.” He holds out his hand intending you shake yours. You lift your wired up hand to his and he encloses it gently. It’s warm.

“Okay, Min Yoongi, that doesn’t explain how I’m supposed to know you?” You question again, a little bit of attitude in your voice.

It’s silent for a moment. Sensing the tension, the doctor excuses himself, telling them that he’ll send some nurses to help with your headaches and soreness.

Yoongi’s grip tightens on your hand. He contemplates for a little while about how to explain who he was in your life and who you were in his. Can he say that you’re his wife? Will that make it easier for the both of you since you were pregnant? But that was a lie, because you were divorced.

And he had lied to you enough times during your marriage. He thinks it might be the time to be more truthful.

“We were together for four years.” He starts. You wriggle your hand out of his, feeling a little too warm.

“Ah, if we were together for four years, how come I don’t remember you?”

Yoongi thinks about how to answer this one. He hums for a couple of seconds before he asks, “well, in your head, when did you turn 19?”

It was your turn to let a “hmm” pass your lips this time.

“Last week!”

“Okay, so in your timeline, we would have met next week. Two weeks after your birthday, on September 24.”

You nod your head in understanding, but you wince pretty obviously right after. The bruises are aching and you think it’s because you sat up for too long. Yoongi puts his hand on your arm and guides you to lay down.

“Here, just lay down and I’ll sit right here and answer your questions, okay?” He reassures.

After laying down, you try to move your body to the side so you could face where he was sitting.

“So how come you’re here and not my family members?” You asked after a minute’s silence, trying to think of a question to ask. If baffled you that this man you don’t even remember is the only one visiting you in broad daylight after a severe car accident.

“Jin was here with me the day of your accident. He said he was going to take care of you, but he got called in for work and had to travel out of the country a couple of days ago.”

“What about my mom?”

“Actually, I’m not really sure. Jin told me that she was abroad.”

“So you’re the only one left. Must be important if you were in my emergency contacts.”

“I was the only emergency contact you had according to the nurses.”

At this moment, Yoongi looked at you with sad eyes, but you didn’t know why. It felt like it was penetrating you and a nagging voice in the back of your head told you to stop looking at him.

Eager to ease the tension, you ask how the two of you met. Yoongi rests his elbow on the arm rest of the chair, plopping his chin down on his palm.

“Well, I had a music video shoot on the same day as yours. You were doing a photoshoot, I think, and you were using the same set room as me. I went there early to talk to the directors, but you were in the middle of your shoot and I just stayed. I asked my manager to ask for your number and we started talking and then I asked you to be my girlfriend on Halloween at a costume party.” There was a smile on Yoongi’s face when he recalled that particular memory.

He had no recollection of whose party it was, but you two showed up in the best costumes you could muster. Lydia Deetz in her wedding dress and Beetlejuice. The party was fun and the two of you had spent the night in the garden of the venue, just laying down and admiring the stars on Halloween night. It was nearing midnight when the both of you heard a countdown coming from inside. Why there was a countdown for midnight on Halloween, neither of you had a clue, but he took it as a sign and as the grandfather clock chimed, he gave you a gentle kiss and asked (whispered) you to be his girlfriend.

He remembered your laughter from that night and it brought an even larger smile to his face.

You looked at him in awe, thinking his smile was simply breathtaking.

“So you fell in love with me at first sight, huh?” You asked teasingly.

Yoongi glared at you, but as soon as he spotted your little smirk, the glare melted away and a hesitant smile made its way on his face again.

“For your information, it was at first laugh.” He simply stated. At that, you gave a gentle smile and a quiet giggle into your hand.

In that moment, Yoongi was taken back to the early days of your relationship. The appearance of that gentle smile had catapulted him back to the happier days of your story. It was so different from you in the recent months. You, who had been so sad and exhausted and frustrated. Though pale and bruised and in a hospital bed, you looked much more youthful than before, as if you had reverted back to the person that was happiness personified.

“Right, okay. At first laugh. Never heard that before.”

“I’m serious. It was like hearing bells.”

“That doesn’t sound very appealing.”

“Good bells.”

You laughed again, a little scratchy this time. Yoongi handed you the glass of water on your bedside table.

“Okay, so you fell in love with me at first laugh, then what happened?” You asked, eager to find out about this story. At the moment, you really had no inkling of who this man was, but it intrigued you to hear your apparent love story. You loved a good love story and this one, yours, seemed to have a good start. Because you couldn’t recall it, hearing it from his mouth is like looking into your own love story from an outsider’s point of view.

Yoongi took the glass of water and placed it back on the table.

“Well, we got together obviously, and we were together for four years.”

“Past tense, so you’re an ex-boyfriend?” This was getting more interesting. You have always associated exes with heartbreak (at least the ones you remembered), so this was interesting. You must have been good friends after the breakup for him to be your emergency contact.

“Ex-husband, actually.”

Oh.

That stopped you in your tracks. Now, divorce was something you had never, ever thought about. Mentally, you were 19, and at 19, you were worried about your career. You had suffered your fair share of heartbreaks and cheating bastards in high school and swore off marriage until you got yourself together, so this revelation confused you a little bit. You two met when you were 19, but here you are at, apparently, 23 years old and you’re divorced. That’s actually… unbelievable.

“We started dating on Halloween technically, but I proposed in July and that’s when we agreed to celebrate our anniversaries even though that sounds kind of silly. You thought it would be cute to just have one single date to celebrate our anniversary. Something about Halloween being sacred to you.” Yoongi laughed a little nervously, eager to soften the mood just a little bit. He knows you don’t really remember, but it still feels strange to talk about your divorce.

“Wait, so break this down for me a little bit more. How long were we married for?”

“2 years. So I proposed the July after we started dating and then we got married a year later on the same date.”

“And when did we get divorced?”

Yoongi fiddled with his fingers a bit before answering, “ The end of September. We were drifting for some months already, so I think divorce was the best option for us.”

You nodded absentmindedly. It was a little strange to be here, in a hospital bed, listening to this man (who is apparently your ex-husband) talk about your divorce. You felt like you should be feeling something more than this, but all you can feel is some kind of nonchalance, like you were listening to a lecture on a subject you didn’t like. Still, this was your love life, something you treasured with all of your heart, and the news of this divorce with a man you can’t even remember is shocking but in a detached way, if that made sense.

“That makes sense. No one should stay in a marriage where the feelings aren’t there anymore.” You say slowly, silently, absorbing this whole situation.

From your peripheral, you see Yoongi just nod, not saying anything. The silence that befell the two of you was somewhat comfortable but solemn at the same time.

The silence was interrupted by murmurs coming from Yoongi.

“Don’t worry. Even though we’re not together, I’ll still take care of you. You don’t have any immediate family and I’m the only one you really know in this city. The least I can do is take care of you.”

You look at him and shake your head. The independent part of you wanted to deny that. Even though you were mentally 19, in actuality you were 23 and you knew how to take care of yourself.

“It’s fine, Yoongi. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

That silences Yoongi for a bit. He remembers you saying that all the time, moreso during the time you decided to quit modelling. He was worried about you, but you always reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. You were a big girl. A woman. When these words came out of your mouth, it reminded him that although you didn’t remember much, you were still the woman he knew deep down.

Before he gets lost in his thoughts again, he lets out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I know you can, but you don’t even know where you live. Do you even remember how to drive? I remember you learned how to drive when you were 21.”

You furrow your brows, angry at his statements, but decide that you can’t refute since what he’s saying is completely true.

“Okay, valid. You can go home if you want, though. They said they were gonna keep me here for a couple of days, so you don’t have to come to the hospital until then, I guess. You look kind of rich… and famous, so you must be busy all the time.”

“I’m my own boss, so I can take my own time off, but I do need to go to the company to settle some things before you get discharged.”

As he talked, your eyes become droopy and were slow to blink.

“Yn, are you okay?” Yoongi asks as he moves closer to your face to examine you. Instinctively, you move back a little, but you’re still close enough to see his eyes up close. You decide to close your eyes.

You mumble a little. “Mhm, just sleepy. Head still hurts.”

Yoongi pulls the blanket up to cover up to your neck and fixes your hair so that it’s not in your face. The intimacy is strange, but not unwelcome, you think.

“Kay, just go back to sleep. I’ll go talk to your doctor then I’m going to the company, okay? I’ll be back tomorrow to give you some of your necessities.” He whispers.

You could barely hear him, but you nod anyways. The disappearance of his warm hand left a cold, empty feeling. Soon enough, you drifted off into sleep.

☽

Yoongi takes one last look at your sleepy form before he quietly leaves the room. He sees your doctor from the corner of his eye and walks up to him. Before he could ask anything, the doctor tells him that they have the results from a scan taken the day prior.

“There seems to be no traumatic damage to the brain, so we have high hopes about a smooth journey to recovery. Of course, she is pregnant, so that might make things a bit more delicate, but nothing that is too difficult to adjust to. She’s right in the middle of her first trimester, so you both really need to be careful. It’s already a miracle that the fetus survived. The rest is up to you guys.”

“And what about the amnesia?”

“We’re still confused about the memory loss. As I mentioned before, the last case of amnesia that was that severe was such a long time ago, and there was no explanation or pattern that was found in the brain to justify the timeline of the memory loss. 4 years is a really long time. We believe she might be more sensitive due to having such a huge gap in her memory. We don’t know what could trigger memories or how she would react to them, but you and the rest of her family should come up with things or events to stimulate her brain activity and remind her of some of the memories that she lost.”

“That sounds reasonable. I don’t want to overwhelm her too much, so I held back a lot when I was talking to her today. If it’s possible, can we hold off on telling her about her pregnancy? At least until I come back and I can tell her myself. I tried to take the day off today, but I have to deal with the company first so I can be here when she’s discharged.” Yoongi explained.

The doctor looked nervous at first, but thought about it for a while.

“Yes, I think that might be for the best. Waking up in an unfamiliar place with no memories of the past four years can be very overwhelming so it might be easier to ease her into the news. Thank you Mr. Min, we’ll call you when there’s news.” The doctor says before holding his hand out for a handshake.

Yoongi let out a small smile as he shook the doctor’s hand.

“Yes, please let me know if anything happens and if her situation changes. I’ll be back tomorrow to drop off a new cellphone for her so it’s easier to contact people. I’ll see you then, doc. Thank you so much for your hard work.” Yoongi couldn’t help but praise him for being such a helpful person during a difficult time for both him and you.

“It’s no problem at all, Mr. Min. It makes me happy to see how devoted you are in taking care of your wife and future child.” The doctor smiles at him and pats his shoulder roughly before he walks away whistling.

Yoongi only stared at his back as he walked away from him. Devotion. That wasn’t something he was used to.

☽

He’d gone home that night and contemplated the strange encounter that you both had today. The initial shock he received when realizing that you couldn’t recognize him, worse yet remember him, was swept away quickly by your questions about your relationship with him. As the night ended and he tucked himself into his bed, he couldn’t stop thinking about your conversation today.

It was the most civil conversation you’ve had since before the divorce. It was basically the only conversation you’ve had since the divorce. The more he thought about it, the more he zoned out of the reality in front of it. He thought about your teasing smile when you asked if he fell in love with you at first sight. He thought about your laugh, like bells, when he corrected you and said it was love at first laugh. It was like the fates turned back time to when you two first met. It was like he was seeing you for the first time again.

The you from today was such a stark contrast from the you that Yoongi had lived with in the months leading up to your divorce. Being reminded of what you were like back then and comparing it to the person you turned into after 4 years together made his heart beat faster. He didn’t know what it was but thinking about how you changed, how you grew, made him nervous. These weren’t fluffy feelings of romance or admiration. It seemed to be more like fear. He looked down at his hands and realized that they were shaking. As the shaking continued, he noticed his breathing getting shorter and shorter. He didn’t know what was happening but having these thoughts made him feel so scared.

The tears escaped his eyes before he even realized he was crying. He had never experienced this before. His heart was beating so fast and he couldn’t stop shaking or crying but all he could focus on was your soft smile today and every time he saw it in his head, it crumbled into the 23 year old you who sobbed into her hands in front of him. He just kept thinking and thinking and thinking and it made him cry into his palms more and more. Behind his closed eyes were images of the two of you through the years and the way you had changed from a beautiful, happy person who could probably make the sun and all the planets stop into a sad, quiet, reserved woman who preferred to stay at home and be alone with your paper and your words.

Did he do that? Did he do that to you? Did he make you that sad? Was it his fault that you pulled away from him? Was it his fault that you two fell apart as catastrophically as you fell in love? Was he the reason for your accident?

No, no, no, no. He cried and cried and couldn’t breathe. I didn’t do that, I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t mean to do that. I loved you. I loved you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

At the same time, you woke up in your hospital bed, shocked by a nightmare that eventually dulled and became forgotten as soon as you woke. You felt like there was something important that the dream told you, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Instead of trying to remember, you looked up at the ceiling of your hospital room and contemplated on your strange encounter with your so-called ex-husband today. Mentions of the divorce were vague, so you didn’t focus on it much. He told you a love story that you wouldn’t have believed if you hadn’t lost your memories. You smiled as you remembered that way he told you he fell in love at first laugh. There was a twinkle in his eye when he said that, but you still noticed a twinge of sadness and regret behind it all.

“For your information, it was at first laugh.”

You closed your eyes and tried so hard to remember anything, just the smallest thing, to confirm whatever Yoongi had told you, but nothing came to you except for a barrage of tears that was so sudden it shocked you. You tried to stop crying, but you couldn’t. You tried to laugh but it only ended in broken sobs. There was a hurt in your chest that you couldn’t precisely describe. It was sharp, and it hurt your heart, like it was breaking little by little. It wasn’t happiness. Not at all. It felt like a sadness that you hadn’t ever felt before (or at least your 19 year old self), but you couldn’t possibly remember why you felt like this. The tears kept coming and coming and it frustrated you so much that you didn’t know why you were crying like this. You just wanted to remember something about your marriage, your relationship, and Min Yoongi. You couldn’t understand why you were feeling like this.

Of course, though the memory is lost, the hurt and sorrow that your heart had gone through couldn’t be forgotten. At least not by your body. It was a sadness so deep in your bones that not even the loss of the memories associated with this hurt could erase it.

☽

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a-forgotten-spirit · 4 years

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Love Isn’t An Illusion (7)

Pairing: Todoroki x Bakugou, Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou, VERY SLOW BUILD

Summary: Getting supplies for the camping trip with some fun rivalry swimming.

Words: +-7600 (I have problems)

Warnings: bad parenting, overbearing parents, overthinking, talking about bathing suits, fear of public places, over planning, wearing a skirt, anxiety, protective Shoji, being noticed by fans, social metres, explaining swimwear, saying you have a chest (sorry if you dont, itty bitty titties are good too!), explanations of clothing, the league, undressing and people looking at you (not sexual), being self conscious, overly competitive,

Tagged: @kittycatspervertedheart @lemorrite @gwendlynn @marleps @thicctati2 @saitamastamaticsoup @succulent-momma @aurorahoneybuns @imjusttireddudes @misconceptualised @ochabby @katsukisuwus @gayverlinq @star-witchs-blog @fallbb123 @icyhotpie @kyrah-williams

A/N: I wrote this for the fans. I do not own My Hero academia or the characters, I don’t own most of the plot for this story, I had watched the show and re-written the dialogue and plot as if the reader was the main character. Everything is centred around the reader. Please comment, makes me happy. Ask if you wish to be tagged. Patreon is still in the works as I’m not confident to do it however, for now I am doing commission stories if anyone is interested

Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

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Chapter 7

Walking into the house my mother walked up to me hands on her hips and she looked ready for a fight. I was tired and just wanted to go lay down. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her right now or at any given point if I was honest but after the exam I had, I quite enjoyed turning my brain off for a few days.

“Who dropped you off” she inquired immediately. I sighed and hoisted my bag onto my back more comfortably as I looked up to see her. My head was pounding and Bakugou's jumper was so warm and fluffy I just wanted to go to sleep.

“Friends from school” I answered, my heart did the weird thing where it decided to not work and beat quicker then it should. I was there with my friends. Todoroki was always ready to help me move around and helped me through the panic attack while Bakugou had brought me food and gave me his jumper. I was thankful for both. Her hand moved in a continuous motion as if to continue “Bakugou and Todoroki” I answered.

“Todoroki, like Endeavor Todoroki,” she asked and I nodded slowly “His son, with the fire and ice. You’re friends with his son” I nodded again. She’s never been interested in heroes, at least whenever I talked about them “Oh darling look at you. He is a fine choice to swoon. Money and looks, he will make a great friend. I have to meet his father”

I was blank. She had to be joking right. I did not just fight ten Pro heroes for my mother to go on about how I'm friends with someone as if I had something to gain “I’m friends with Todoroki for Todoroki, not Endeavor. I do not like Endeavor and I never will. I like Todoroki for who he is not who he is related to” I said slowly as if I had to sound it out.

“Oh sure” she huffed and I knew this wouldn’t leave so I left it, she could think all she wanted, it meant nothing to me. “Bakugou, Bakugou” she whispered and hand on her chin. What was she doing? “Bakugou like the fashion designers” my head fell as I sighed out and shook my head “You are going for the top aren’t you. Just like your mum”

“Ok, whatever. Think what you want but I like them for them” she continued to go on as I shook my head again and then walked away up the stairs and into my room. Placing my phone on to charge I wiggled my arms into the jumper and unzipped my hero costume before falling into bed and falling asleep.

This morning was long, filled with questions about the boys and what they did, who I liked more. I didn’t answer a single one. I was not in the mood. I pulled on my uniform folding Bakugous’ jumper and left it on my bed. If he didn’t want me to keep it I could say I just forgot it, easy. I chose to pull on the UA jumper I had specifically asked for and then I was ready for school. My mother offered to drive, I accepted and put in my music to ignore her. Headphones covering my head and ears. Arriving I thanked her and I was off to class, as I was walking down the hall I could hear Kaminari yelling, he didn’t pass.

Aizawa walked in and I quickly followed “Sorry” I could see the looks but one glare from Aizawa and everyone was quiet. I made my way to my seat quickly, sitting down and placing my headphones in my bag out of the way, looking up and paying full attention.

“Morning, unfortunately, there are a few of you who did not pass your final exams. So when it comes to the training camp in the woods” he paused then his head raised a wide smile as his eyes did the same “Everyone is going” that was good. Kaminairi and Mina looked quite upset. They all asked if he was being honest and that they got to come with the rest of us “Yeah. The good news is no one bombed the written exam. Five failed the practical badly. Two teams of course and Sero failed as well” I could hear a quiet yell. I forgot he got caught with Midnight and fell asleep the whole time. “Allow me to explain, the practical the teachers made sure to leave a way for the students to win” my eyes fell and I shook my head “Except Y/N” he nodded and I looked away. They did no such thing. “Otherwise you never would have stood a chance” I rolled my eyes.

“I think I did just fine thank you” I whispered and played with the ends of my sleeve. I spent three days in the hospital to win that goddamned test. I knew some people heard that at the little chuckles around me.

“We were interested in observing how each of you approached the task at hand. The training camp will focus on strength” this was going to be a long camp, my head rested on my palm as I looked to Aizawa. I need to work on harnessing my quirk and not passing out every time I go overboard. “Those who failed will need those lessons the most, we were never going to separate you” leave it to the teachers to absolutely scare everyone in the class for no reason ��That was just a logical deception we used” his smile was bright, he was quite proud of himself.

“He tricked us all, I should have expected this” Iida voiced I turned seeing him quickly lunge up from his seat “Mr Aizawa this is the second time you’ve lied to us aren’t you afraid we will lose faith in you” he was standing straight his hand up in the air as he yelled. He had a point but I don’t think the teacher cared.

“That’s a good point, I'll consider it” No he won’t, he enjoyed making us stress and try our best “But I wasn’t lying to you about everything” this man was full of surprises and it was making my head fuzzy. “Failure is failure” I smiled so not a topic for me. “We’ve prepared extra lessons for the five of you” the mood dropped drastically amongst the five. “Frankly they’ll be far tougher than what you’ll face at summer school” at least he was honest.

The rest of the day went by as usual and I talked to Bakugou and Todoroki mostly a few people coming up to me to give their congratulations and a few telling me they thought I had died when I just fell. I laughed at that comment.

“I had about a hundred thoughts playing at once so I overworked my brain” I smiled and scratched the back of my head, a nervous habit I picked up when I was younger. I saw confused faces. “Each illusion is a single thought if they act differently so by the end of the match I had about a hundred independent thoughts going through my head at once”

I was bombarded with questions as I answered them without giving too much information away. I had Mina hugging me tightly at one point in tears about how worried she was, I swear my hair was wet by the end of it. I smiled, genuinely. I did have the best class anyone could ask for. This was one of the first days I wasn’t rushing to study or do anything, it felt nice and I had friends.

“We’re at the training camp for a full week” Iida readout, he seemed shocked and I nodded to myself. Another week without my parents, what more could I wish for. My parents had signed off on it earlier in the year not caring for what I did.

“No way, I’ll need a bigger suitcase” Midoriya pondered and I thought to my belongings. I had a big enough suitcase. When I got along with my parents we had gone on a few holidays so I just had to find it.

“No kidding, I don’t even have a bathing suit” the thought sent shivers down my spine. I would be fearful to get into the water knowing if Kaminari sneezed I could be electrocuted and die. He had control but still, it was worrying. I didn’t often go swimming so I too would need to buy one. “Guess I need to buy some stuff”

“Guys since we are off tomorrow and we’re finished exams I have the best idea” Torus’ happy voice sang out her uniform moving indicating she raised her arms in excitement. Everyone seemed interested now. “Why doesn’t class 1-A go shopping together” it wasn’t a bad idea. I preferred to go shopping with people I knew then alone I had to admit I feared to be alone in public places just as much as the next person.

“Hey yeah, we’ve never hung out as a class before” Kaminari smiled as Uraraka nodded enthusiastically. I could hear everyone agreeing and getting more excited about the weekend's events. I too was quite excited though, did they mean everyone in the class?

“Bakugou, see you there, right” Leave it to Kirishima to always ask if the explosive blonde would attend a get-together. I like that Bakugou had friends and seemed to get along with people, even if it was only a select few.

“I can’t think of anything more annoying” his eyes were closed and face distasteful as he grimaced at the mere thought of seeing anyone in school out in public. I smiled and rolled my eyes silently as he walked off from the group hands in his pockets and back slouched.

Everyone was talking and I smiled happily though I could hear Midoriya ask Todoroki if he was going to join the class on our little adventure “I visit my mum on days off” he smiled, small but it was there. Did he live with his dad but not his mum? Maybe they were divorced or something. I was sad he wouldn’t be there but I could understand why. I didn’t blame him.

“Party poopers, don’t you ever get tired of being so serious” Mineta shouted, I would’ve liked both Bakugou and Todoroki to come but they had their things on. I had made friends with the class so hopefully, I wouldn’t be left to my own devices but if so I was more than capable of shopping on my own.

“What about you Y/N” I turned to look at Jirou who had asked the question “Are you going to come” she smiled and I saw a few of the other girls smile in response. I was being offered, I had friends. I would never regret coming to this school.

“Yeah” I nodded and stood from my desk patting my skirt down to my legs “I need some swimwear and hiking clothes” I scratched the back of my head nervously “I live in jumpers and long pants so I’ll need some outdoors clothes” I didn’t leave the house much before this year. I stayed in my room and played games now I was studying non-stop.

“We can help with that” Uraraka put her fist in the air and I nodded unbeknownst that a few boys were more than interested in the conversation I was having. “You’ll be an outdoors person in no time” I laughed rather loudly and nodded.

“I look forward to it” and I wasn’t lying I was beyond excited for this camp, the whole thing a new experience and I hadn’t gone on ‘holiday’ in quite some time if I was honest.

We all walked out of the room and set up a group chat for the weekend, I waved everyone goodbye and began my trek home. Headphones on and music blaring to calm myself through the walk, it was long but when I arrived home I could see my parents were home. I walked up to the two of them turning down my music and pushing the headset from my head to my neck.

“I’m going out with the class over the week to go shopping for the camp” I stated, they didn’t care what I did. I could see my mother think for a moment and then nodded, remembering something.

“Yes you did make it into that camp, my bank is still connected to your card, get everything you need. A week was it” she asked not looking up, they had no concept of money because they had so much. I didn’t spend a lot of money but I did need things for the week trip. I nodded. “Ok” then I was off to my room.

I searched my room for my suitcase, it was just a plain black hard suitcase that was big enough for a week's trip. Suitcase, done. I got out my phone and began to make a list of the things I would need. It was long but I wanted everything to be perfect and if I had no purchase limit why not spoil myself for once.

Once the list was done I looked at the group chat and saw all the details Iida had set up sending a quick “Thank you” and mentioning Iida I was off and ready for bed. I had had dinner between rummaging through my room and making my list.

Waking up the next morning I did my usual routine and stretched, I felt so relaxed no studying for me though I liked that I was still busy in away. I liked to keep myself busy. When you do things for so long and then stop you have to find something to replace it. I walked out into my room in my underwear and sighed, what was I going to wear? What was everyone going to wear? We were going to the shopping centre so casual but something I could easily take off if I needed to try things on. I laughed, I could use my illusions to see how they would look. Cute it was.

I opened my wardrobe searching through my long-sleeved shirts until I found a black long-sleeved shirt with holes in the sleeves held together by an F/C lace-like strip that crossed over each other to the bottom of the sleeve. Short black skirt with my shirt tucked into baggily. I moved to my accessories drawers and opened it to see my belts. My F/C belt would go perfect matching the strips of lace, I placed it through the hoops in the skirt and smiled. Some simple boots and the look was complete. I brushed my hair and placed my little backpack on my back. Pull of a portable charger, my wallet and just my everyday things. Walking out I walked past my parents and I was off on my adventure sending a message I would be a few minutes late due to buses not matching up for me.

I hopped off the bus saying a quick thank you before I left to go into the centre, turning on my phone one last time to check I had the right information. I looked up and saw the group then looked down, was I too casual? I began to panic and shook my head. These were my friends, these were my people.

“Hey guys, sorry for being a little late” I called out and watched as they turned to me smiling lighting up and waves being thrown though I didn’t miss the double takes I was receiving from a few of them. I walked up to them and stood in the little group we had formed.

Everyone seemed quite excited but Midoriya was looking around in awe and muttering to himself about how all the shops captured almost every single quirk known. I laughed and felt my arm get hooped to Mina who was jumping around and full of energy like usual. I smiled.

“You’re going to scare the children” Tokoyami blandly stated and shook his head crossing his arms in fake seriousness, at least, I thought it was fake. “Stop” I heard a few laughs as Midoriya blushed in embarrassment.

“Wow, aren’t they UA students” a bystander called out and I turned to see a little group of people forming, this was a downfall of being in the top school but there was nothing we could do. I was going to become a hero and having fans was part of that.

“1-A” another called out as I looked to the three men looking overly excited to see the group in public. After the sports festival, I couldn’t blame them but still yelling across the mall hallway was a lot for my anxiety. I hadn’t even thought about if anyone recognised us.

“I saw them on TV” so my accusations were right, they had seen us at the festival most likely and then the thought of my video saving people and Hero Killer Stain came into my mind. I gripped the straps of my backpack, Mina having left my side a few minutes ago. I moved to stand behind Shoji who immediately moved to shield me from the view.

Even with all the people talking and fanning Jiro and Momo were just talking about what they needed to get and see, they chose to go together. They were such good friends. I smiled at the interaction.

“You ok,” Shoji asked his mask moving slightly with the question. I nodded and saw a few people turned to look at my still slightly shielded figure. I flushed and turned away from the looks.

“I’m just anxious about people looking at me” he nodded and rubbed my back to calm me down “Sorry about that” I could see people shake their hands and smile, it made me feel a lot better.

“We all have our weaknesses, though you seem so confident when fighting” Kirishima pointed out and again they nodded in agreement. My hand came to my chin to think, they were right.

“I’m far too competitive to lose it just comes off as confidence” I laughed and scratched the back of my head my cheeks reddening at the confession “I’m one of the most competitive people you’ll ever meet. One of the downfalls of my personality” I nodded and heard a few laughs in response.

When everyone was done saying what they needed or wanted for the trip Kirishima spoke up “Why don’t we split up and look around, we can meet up here when we are done. It’s noon so let’s say we all meet up here at three” I heard a chorus of sure's and yes’ as we all broke off.

I walked off with Shoji and Tokoyami having asked if I could tag along to the supplies store. I said I’d meet up with the girls later so I could buy some swimwear with them. We were talking and walking around until we made it to the store. Shoji grabbing a basket for us. I had moved my headphones to my bag but when I walked I could hear the keychains bounce.

“What do you need Y/N,” Tokoyami asked and Shoji came back into the conversation from looking around. I hummed for a second taking out my phone and unlocking the device showing them both a photo.

“I wanted to buy this, It’s a PowerPoint that has four docks for plugs and then three USB hubs. Just in case there aren't enough powerpoints I thought this would be good to bring” I explained and then pulled the phone back scrolling down “It says this store has them but I’ve never been here so I might have to ask someone” I whispered looking back up to the boys.

“I didn’t even know they had those kinds of things but that is a very good idea” Shoji nodded impressed with the find and I handed him my phone saying to scroll as they also had others he might be interested in.

“Yeah Y/N has a good point, we have no idea where we are going and it would be good to be prepared for anything” Tokoyami nodded and moved to look at the phone as well “They are very practical” he added and I nodded. “Anything else,” he asked my phone being handed back to me.

“A flashlight maybe, I don’t know where we are and if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of nowhere I would like to know where I am going” a hum from Tokoyami and a firm agreeing nod from Shoji we began our quest for the items.

It was an enjoyable trip as we rushed through each aisle and tried to find the products. The workers had told us isle five near the back to the left though all three of us stared at the shelf. “Are you guys seeing something I’m not?” I asked, turning to them.

“No” Shoji shook his head and then tilted to shake his head, “They said isle five” we all looked up, we were in that aisle. “To the back” we were to the back of the isle “On the left” his voice went to nothing as I moved to crouch down.

I moved a few boxes looking at the signs and then I saw them “Found them” I called out and heard a sigh of relief as I leaned forward to grab them from the back of the shelf, there were three left. I hugged them to my chest. “There’s three left” I sighed and moved to put them in the basket “No one in the class can get them” I smirked and we all laughed at the situation of us being overly prepared.

Moving onto finding flashlights and a few other things including bug spray and a travel utility kit. “What about portable charges, there may not even be electricity. We could be camping” Tokoyami spoke up and I shrugged nodding.

“Good point, we have no idea where we are going. I have one but when I was looking for the ports I saw one that can charge your phones up to four times in one charge” they were both interested in this new information as I showed them my phone again. “It’s pretty cheap too, sales” I smiled. We were off again looking for this device. Finding them we added them to the basket and we were leaving the store, finally. We paid for our things. I put my things in my bag and we were off once more. “Kaminari and Mina are picking out swimwear if you wanna come”

“I need something to fit my arms, hopefully, they’ll have something” Shoji nodded as Tokoyami looked less than comfortable at the idea of trying on swimwear. I smiled and looked up the store.

“Hey Tokoyami” his eyes turned to my own and I showed him the picture of the pitch-black swimwear set that was long-sleeved and came up his neck and down his legs. “They have a black pair that covers your whole body” I sang with a smile.

“I guess I do need a swim set” he crossed his arms as we made our way to the store, keeping our chatter casual and easy. I put my phone away as we came into the store and met up with the two, Mineta and Kirishima had joined them.

“Hey, guys” Kirishima waved smiling widely, happily. I waved back and we all began to browse. Mina and I moved over to the women's section even though the rash shirts in the men's section were looking more than appealing.

Mina and I began to look through the swimwear as I sighed out, there was far too many to look through. “What do you usually wear in the water” she bounced over happily already holding a few things to try on. I, on the other hand, had nothing.

“I don’t go swimming” I could swim quite well my parents have cared for me not drowning to get me a lesson at a young age. Though I didn’t go swimming often, we didn’t have a pool and I was very focused on studying to get into UA from a young age.

“What’s a colour you like,” she asked and began to go through the swimwear I was looking at “This is just all shirts” she whispered more to herself then I as I nodded and she smiled “You’ll have to buy a bikini to go underneath as well” I hadn’t even thought about that.

“I like F/C and black and yeah I do need to get a bikini” I sighed and put my head back, this was a lot for my social metre to take, my body anxious but Minas’ bubbly personality was helping my anxiety lessen. Taking out my phone I sent out a message to both Bakugou and Todoroki asking if they needed anything while I was out.

“Already got everything” was the message from Bakugou simple and easy then as I was about to click out “Thanks though” I smiled and was about to send a reply when the phone vibrated again “You should plan next time idiot” of course he couldn’t end on something positive. I replied and then moved onto Todoroki.

“No, it’s ok. I’ll go after visiting my mother. Thank you” even though his typing style was neat and formal. Only saying what he needed too and then ending the conversation whereas Bakugou wrote whatever came to mind in that second and sent it off. I replied to him as well and then put my phone away.

“Black isn’t a colour but I'll allow it” she stood quickly smiling out and then moving around the store grabbing Kaminari and Kirishima to help her find something for me to wear. I laughed at the awkward faces but they both went to work.

“Y/N” I was called over to Mina who was holding a bikini set that was F/C, it was modest and covered everything that needed to be covered. I nodded and then looked to the fabric taking it, it had a nice texture as well.

They looked nice, the bottoms weren’t held together by a string which I instantly liked and the bra part looked rather nice. The bra had little ruffles along the rim which were cute. I looked at the size and laughed. She looked confused as the boys walked overhearing the commotion. “You got a size far to small at least for the top” she tilted her hand and then looked down to my chest.

I moved to hold my shirt against my body and her eyes widened “That’s some voodoo magic” she called out and I could see a few boys blushing as Mineta fell to the floor. “No what” she called out and looked amazed.

I let go of my shirt and she shook her head “I just wear baggy clothing and jumpers to school. I appreciate the thought though” I laughed and moved to grab the size that fit me and she looked about ready to faint I laughed again. “It’s not the first time” she nodded and we went looking for the rest of the swimwear we all needed. “Kirishima” I watched his head turn and I held up a red swim shirt that had a picture of Crimson Riot on the back.

“I need it but I don’t usually wear shirts” he whispered and looked overly happy that I had found it. Leaning down I showed him the matching bottoms a little picture of the hero on the bottom of them. “There we go” he nodded and got both of them “Isn’t this kinda childish though” he frowned.

“If they had a swimsuit that had my favourite character on it, I’d get it. It’s manly to be you” I nodded and his eyes lit up as he jumped putting his arms together. He was so happy that someone had simply let him be a fan

“You’re right” he nodded and went to go show the others who were more than interested to listen to him babble about how much he loved Crimson Riot. I didn’t doubt he had far more merch then those two pieces of clothing. Though I was surprised to see the merch for such an old hero.

I looked around as the others did, Tokoyami having grabbed the black pieces of swimwear I had shown him prior when we were walking over. Mina found some pink swimmers that complimented her and I walked further into the store seeing something I knew one of my friends would be interested in. Grabbing the colour I assumed he’d like I walked over to the group.

“Shoji” I held up the seemingly normal swimsuit and I watched as everyone was confused until I pulled down an almost invisible zipper down the sides of the shirt and his eyes lit up.

“You seem to find what everyone needs Y/N” I could see the smile through his mask and I nodded handing over the shirt showing him where the zipper was. “I have bottoms so I’m all done” I looked back and watched as the boys went off Kaminari having picked some yellow bottom with Pikachu on them, I smiled as they went to try on their clothes.

I walked around until finding a nice black rash shirt with F/C strips along the ribs. Picking my size I walked over to Mina “Do you think I should get shorts or with the bikini bottoms be enough” I asked. She turned and looked at the outfit I was holding up.

“The shirt seems pretty long so I think you should be fine” she nodded and then moved to feel the rash shirt “That’s super soft” her eyes widened and I did the same nodding. “Go try them on” I looked down and tilted my head. Creating an illusion her eyes widened “You never need to try on clothes, I'm so jealous” she cried out and I laughed “But they look super good”

I nodded. A few more minutes and trying on clothes we were ready to move on with the rest of our trip. Paying for the clothing and a reusable bag to put it in we were off everyone having bought something. We walked and talked as we moved on to different stores buying things and talking about what we would need. It was a fun trip and I had messaged my mother if she could pick me up having bought all the things I needed and it is quite a lot. She said yes, she was acting nice the last few days but I didn’t mention it.

“I think that was a successful trip” Tokoyami pointed out and we all agreed. “It’s almost three so let’s all meet up with the group” we stopped by one more store to buy some new pillowcases and then we made our way back to the centre, being the first to arrive.

Throughout the trip we had been stopped a few times by people interested in our school and other things, we mostly thanked them and then went on with our day. I smiled at my ‘fans’ and then we were off to the place where we said we would all meet up. Having arrived we weren’t the first, of course, Iida was here before us all, bags in hand. He dressed like a dad and I loved that he wore such formal but casual clothes. Though when we arrived we were told that Midoriya had been attacked per se by Shigaraki. The league of villains so-called leader. I was practically shaking when we were told. Then asked by police if we had seen anyone. I hadn’t even thought about the league or Stains little followers. I wasn’t safe, we weren’t safe. The police conducted a sweep but Shigaraki wasn’t found and I didn’t know if I wanted him too. Midoriya was taken to the police station to file a report.

I stood with the rest of my peers and waved them off with a “Please be careful getting home” as I walked to the carpark placing all my new things into the boot while my mother was on the phone to someone. Getting into the passenger side I waved to the group getting waves back and raised my phone pointing to it mouthing “Message me” I got nods and then I was off on the drive home.

My mother complained to someone on the other side of the line, but their conversation ended quickly. Her eyes glazed over to my body for a moment before talking “Did you get everything you need” she seemed very calm which was odd.

“Yes, I did” I responded and she nodded stopping at a roundabout “I’ll be gone for a week as of the camp, I don’t know if I’ll be able to message as we don’t know where we are going” I explained as she drove through turning to the main road, the road home.

“That’s fine, you still have your suitcase” I hummed a yes and she nodded “Your father and I are going on a week vacation while you are gone” so that’s why she was being nice. She didn’t want me there anyway. “I’ll drop you off on Monday and pick you up when you get home” I nodded and the conversation was over.

Arriving home we went our separate ways. I moved into my room and began to get messages from everyone that they got home. I sent a message that I arrived home safely. I was so worried about the league but shook my head and began to pack my bag for the trip. I arranged everything and then began to pack, Aizawa saying they had beds for us so I didn’t need to bring Tatami to the trip. I packed my pillow and then packed around it, the piece is the biggest. Clothing folded perfectly and then placed inside. I packed the PowerPoint and extra chargers just in case. I had to charge my headphones tonight. I lifted myself from the floor and put them on to charge.

Then came dinner, it was simple and easy to eat. Down with some ice water I was in a good mood, and excited mood. A few moments on my phone then I was back to packing. I finished well into the night having made sure I had everything but leaving a note in the bathroom to pack my toiletries the day I was leaving before I left. I believed I was ready for bed as I stretched and then looked back to the bag. Amongst shopping, I had bought some t-shirts and shorts, ready for the outdoors. My boots were thick but flat so I could wear them without care if we had to do a lot of walking. I moved to pack a few jumpers for sleeping or if it got cold. I packed Bakugous without a thought.

I had gotten a message in a new group titled “The girls” I smiled when I was informed that I was being asked if I wanted to join the rest of the girls using the schools' pool tomorrow before the camp. “Use the school swimsuit,” I said I’d be there.

I had arrived at school the next day wearing the school swimsuit under my regular clothes and going to the changing room to undress when I saw the rest of the girls changing. I waved as they began to talk about nothing in particular and I joined in a few times.

“I am so excited for camp,” Toru yelled, voice high and full of energy even though it was rather early in the morning. I was still just waking up, not quite remembering how I got to school. As I peeled off my shirt I watched as the girls stopped talking.

“It’s so weird, right” I was confused and I followed their gaze to my chest as I flushed and looked away “Oh sorry Y/N” Mina apologised and I waved a hand as it was ok. It was I didn’t mind. “We went shopping and I was amazed”

“I can see why your outfits make you look flat” Jiro bluntly stated and I nodded looking down at my breasts. I wasn’t flat I thought I had nice breasts. We continued to get changed and then walked out into the pool area. “We got permission off Aizawa to be here so there was no need to worry” I nodded, I didn’t think about it. Momo had planned this and I trusted her.

We were just chilling stretching off to the side of the pool when the boys began to show up. The swimsuits weren’t too bad, covering my body, I should have brought something like this for the camp but I didn’t mind too much, I thought my outfit was cute. We stretched and then we began to play volleyball. We were having so much fun playing and joking with the girls.

“Serve”

“Chance ball”

“Got it”

“Mine”

We were having so much fun with I was smiling though I kept most of my body under the water being a little self-conscious of the tight clothing I was having fun nonetheless. I threw myself back aiming for a ball and hitting it over the net as I splashed into the water on my back gaining us a point.

When my head rose I heard a loud voice “The next time I beat you, I want you to be at your strongest, you damn nerd” I turned seeing Bakugou in all his glory, shirt off and tight pants on. I watched him storm his way towards Midoriya and my heartbeat quicken. He was so attractive. The girls and I watched on confused as to what was happening.

“Hey I got your message, sorry I'm late” Kirishima waved his hand around smiling. His arm was out holding Bakugou from the green-headed shaking male “It took a while to convince Bakugou to come out” I wanted to thank Kirishima for trying his hardest this is all I could have wanted. He was so muscular as I sighed out and flushed glad no one was paying attention to me.

“So Deku, you wanna settle who's the best of us right now” Bakugou was sure in a mood, his arm raised and hand outstretched to allow his palms to pop with small harmless explosions. He was sure fired up “Huh” he yelled. Midoriya stepped back shaking his head.

“You know what we could make this training a contest” Iida spoke more to himself then the group and my ears picked up on the chatter. “Hey everyone I propose we see which of the boys can swim 50 metres the fastest. A friendly race” he smiled and I couldn’t help the way my hands twitched. There was no such thing as a friendly race, at least in my books.

I ducked beneath the water and swam over quickly as they all rounded up. I popped out of the water on an illusion raising myself in front of them in all my glory. “I hope I’m welcome” I smiled and saw their fearful faces. Licking my lips I dropped down in front of the water falling from my body as I smiled. “I do enjoy beating you all” I was not met with smiles but determined faces of my peers.

“OK then, the boys and Y/N” Iida nodded and I moved to crack my knuckles rather loudly as I saw a few of the boys look rather excited and some just look nervous. I think I saw Kaminari wince to the sound of cracking bones.

“Iida why don’t you let us help you out with this” Momo asked the girls now out of the pool and looking excited as the rest of us. I was bouncing around, I was far too competitive for my good. I hated not being apart of competition but this was something else. This was a real competition. Iida agreed to the help, from the girls.

“And quirks,” Ojiro asked slowly his hand raised with a towel around his neck “Are we allowed to use them” I could win easily if we did. Just set them on a little course that wasn’t in the pool and I could easily win.

“Well, we are at school” Iida pondered, yes, just say we can. “So there shouldn’t be a problem with that” I smiled to the group and moved my hand letting out a little mist for emphasis I saw wide eyes and worried faces. “However you cannot cause damage to your classmates or the building” I could agree with that.

Bakugou walked forward and just past me to stand in front of Midoriya, they needed a new hobby “I’m going to annihilate you Deku” clenched fists and hard stare he spoke calmly, honestly. “And you too Icy-Hot” I turned to where his eyes were to see Todoroki sitting on the floor, without a shirt. The lords have blessed me today. “You bastard” he was in a bad mood, like always. Then the explosive blonde turned to me “You especially” then he walked off and I smiled.

“I look forward to it” I called out behind him. We all moved into lines. I was in the second heat so I watched the first five boys race. Then the whistle went off.

Bakugou was flying through the air landing on his feet at the end of the pool. “How was that you sidekicks” he called out hand raised and I smiled when he got backlash from his friends “It’s called freestyle swimming” he had a point it was a freestyle.

Then it was my go with Todoroki, Sero, Kirishima and Sato “On your marks, get set, go” the whistle was off and I watched as an illusion came around them jumping in as I jumped off the ledge and walked to the other end of the pool stepping up and letting the illusion fall. Sero taping his way across the surface of the water and Todoroki surfing on ice.

“You’re supposed to be swimming” Kaminari and Mineta yelled as I simply shrugged my shoulders. Watching Sato and Kirishima get to the end of the pool. Todoroki looked at me as well.

“What can I say. I like to win” I smiled and moved back to the lines “At least I touched the water” I put my hands on my hips and lined back up “Beside quirks are allowed and I didn’t hurt anybody or property” I wasn’t wrong.

“It’s time for the final race. Bakugou, Y/N, Todoroki, Midoriya you had the fastest four times. You will fight for first place” his hands were on his hips as I nodded Midoriya and Todoroki making a verbal response.

“Listen up scarface" I believed that to be a little harsh to the ear but then again that was Bakugou "Don’t you dare hold back as you did at the sports festival” his voice was so angry, he really still thought about that, did he forget I had beat him? ‘Bring everything you’ve got” I didn’t take it personally, I think Bakugou had a thing for people who didn’t take him seriously, while I did. “You too fight to win” he turned to Midoriya they were all agreeing and talking.

“Are we forgetting I beat all three of you” I voiced and it went silent. “I mean” I laughed lightly an aura of danger being released. “I don’t like when people don’t take me seriously” I smiled and saw the nods.

We got into place and I smirked standing on the pedestal. I could hear yelling and other things as I smiled seeing the boys activating their quirks and I sighed. “Get set” this would be easy. I smiled. “Go” as I went to jump I saw no illusion appear.

I heard the yells of my opponents as I fell into the water, having just stepped in instead of swimming. I rose to see Aizawa his hair up and quirk activated “It’s five pm, your authorised pool time is officially over. Hurry up and go home” did he have to do that. It was one race that would have been over in less than a minute. Kaminari and Sero voiced my complaints. “Are you questioning me” his eyes shone and I was glad I hadn’t been the one to talk.

We all rushed to get changed and go home once we were allowed. I sighed and got out of the pool feeling my quirk return to me, it was a weird feeling when it was off. Then I was heading home having to get ready for the camp.

I ate once I was home and then began to repack making sure I had everything I needed when I finished packing for the night and laid down being rather exhausted more then I would like to admit. I sighed out and went on my phone seeing a message I had missed about a quarter of an hour before. “Do you have a spare charger I spent longer with my mother and left mine with her” Todorokis’ message read. I smiled, he had messaged me.

“Yeah, I’ll pack it and give it to you at camp” I responded, I was never one for emojis or the little stickers but when I received one from Todoroki it being a little cat saying ‘Thank you’ I couldn’t help the blush rising to my cheeks. “No issues” I replied and stared at the ceiling for a moment to calm my racing heart.

I was tired but that didn’t stop me from watching a video I wanted to catch up on, a few hours passed and it was getting close to midnight, I had to get some sleep. I moved to place my phone on charge, pulling the blanket over my body and the warmth and sleep consumed my form. Hello, summer break.

_______________________________________________________________

Chapter 8

85 notes · View notes

enchantedlokii · 4 years

Text

Sinking

Rating: Mature

Warnings: suicide attempt, depression, drowning

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, May Parker, Happy Hogan, FRIDAY

Mentioned: Liz Toomes, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Adrian Toomes

Peter had spent the past few month with a sinking feeling in his chest. At first he had tried to brush it off as he was having a bad day. Then a bad day turned into a bad week and a bad week turned into a bad month and it just never seemed to end. He didn’t understand. Life. . . Life had actually been okay for once. He had his suit back. He was hanging out with Mr. Stark on the weekends. He had finally started to get over Liz and not feel completely guilty for leaving her at homecoming. Then this feeling had come out of nowhere.

He had been doing his best to hide the building dam inside him. He put on a smile. He told May and Ned and MJ he was fine. Whenever they asked, he was just tired. When he was with Mr. Stark, he made sure to be extra careful. Because while he knew that May and Ned and MJ would never leave him for feeling down, he wasn’t sure how Tony would react. Because he was supposed to be a hero. He was supposed to be Spider-Man. How could he be that if he was so depressed he didn’t want to get out of bed most mornings?

He knew that in reality, he was probably overreacting. Tony had been nothing but kind to him since he returned the suit. He had apologized several times for taking it in the first place. Told Peter that he was proud of him for taking the Vulture out on his own without the suit. He even admitted that he was impressed with his intellect and invited him to be an intern. He even let Peter keep the features that he and Ned has accidentally unlocked so long as he let him replace the tracker in his suit. And while Peter wasn’t fond of the tracker, he knew that it was for his safety.

“I know that you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself,” Tony had told him as he worked on replacing the tracker. Peter was sitting on a stool next to him, watching over his shoulder. “But everyone needs help sometimes. You never know when you’re going to have another parachute malfunction.”

Peter shuddered at the memory of the cold water. He had been lucky then that he had a tracker in his suit. Because if it hadn’t been there, he definitely would have drowned. Honestly, he was starting to think it was a dumb idea to hack into the suit in the first place. He may be book smart, but he was a bit lacking when it came to common sense. “Yeah, you have a point there,” he admitted. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

Peter had already thanked Tony for saving him that night, but he felt like he should again. Because he had been given time to think, and he only now was realizing that he very well could have died that night. “It’s not a problem, though I don’t ever want to have to pull you out of a lake again, you hear me?”

And Peter had agreed. But now, as his thoughts turned dark, he kept thinking back to his dip in the lake. He remembered sinking. He had fought against the parachute, desperately trying to swim towards the surface. He hadn’t started to panic just yet, but he knew it was coming. He had been relieved to see the familiar colors of the Iron Man suit.

Now, he looked over the lake, thinking. He didn’t have his suit on. It was in his backpack, sitting beside him on the bridge. He had planned on patrolling, not sulking, but he found himself walking in that direction, eventually stopping and sitting on the ledge, watching the sunset in front of him. He looked down at the water below, the memory coming to him again. He wasn’t sure why he had come here at first, but now he was starting to realize. His mind was growing darker with each passing moment, and he found himself shaking as he weighed his options.

He wanted to believe that this feeling would pass. Maybe he would wake up the next morning and be fine. But what if he wasn’t? What if he woke up the next morning wishing even more that he wasn’t alive? What if he regretted not taking the opportunity when it presented himself?

Peter had his phone in his hand, opened to his texts. He hadn’t wrote a note. Again, he hadn’t really planned this. Still, he felt like he should leave something. He should let everyone know that this wasn’t their fault. That he was sorry. Because the last thing he wanted was for them to feel guilty. He didn’t want them to blame themselves. Because it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

He sighed and clicked on May’s contact first.

‘I just want you to know that I love you so much. Thank you for taking me in and taking care of me. This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you to feel bad for it. I’m sorry.’

He sent it and then moved to Ned.

‘Thank you for being my best friend for so long. I love you like a brother. I told MJ the truth. Please be there for each other. I’m so sorry. Goodbye.’

Then he went to Michelle.

‘Thanks for letting me getting to know you. I hate that I’ve kept this from you, but truth is, I’m Spider-Man. Sorry you’re finding out now. Bye.’

And last, Peter went to Tony’s contact. He wasn’t completely sure about sending him a message. He probably didn’t even care, but he felt like he owed him something.

‘Thank you for everything you’ve done for me this past year. It means a lot to me, and I haven’t said that enough. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m sorry.’

Peter could feel himself shaking as he locked his phone and pushed it into one of the pockets of his backpack. He thought that he might start crying, his vision growing blurry from gathering tears. He could hear dings coming from his pocketed phone, but he ignored them, focusing on the water below.

Taking a deep breath, Peter edged closer to the ledge. He closed his eyes and pushed himself over. It only took second for him to break through the surface and start to sink in the water. He found himself swimming downwards, going farther and farther as his lungs screamed for air. He was starting to feel dizzy as he reached the bottom, black spots dancing in his vision. It was then that he took a breath.

His lungs burned as water started to fill them. He felt himself jerk as his chest expanded. He was in pain, but only briefly. No more than a few minutes could have passed before he was overwhelmed with darkness, slipping away in peace.

Peter felt pressure on his chest. It lifted and then came again. Over and over again. He was faintly aware of his nose being pinched and a mouth on his. He heard a voice, but it was distant. He refused to open his eyes despite the screaming in his lungs. He needed to cough. To clear the water and replace it with air. But he was too weak. He couldn’t find the strength.

“Come on, Kid. Come on.” Peter could barely hear the voice, but he recognized panic. Sadness, even. Terror, maybe. He knew he recognized the voice too, but he couldn’t place it. His head still felt like it was underwater. “Please. Please, come on.”

Peter felt more pressure on his chest and something shifted. He found himself coughing on instinct, pain ripping through his body. His body was moved onto its side as he started to choke on the water that was now spilling from his mouth. A hand rubbed his back, helping his weak body force out the fluid so he could take a weak breathe.

“Oh, thank God. Oh, God. There you go. There you go. Keep breathing, Pete. Just keep breathing,” the voice said. The man was still rubbing his back, keeping him propped on his side. Peter kept coughing periodically, water dripping from his mouth and nose. “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Peter’s brain was still fuzzy, but he found himself trying to move his head to see who was beside him. The man seemed to notice, repositioning himself until he was kneeling in front of Peter. And it took him a second before his oxygen-deprived brain recognized him as Mr. Stark. He looked terrified, not moving his hand from Peter’s back. “T-Tony?”

“I’m here, Kiddo. I’m here. Save your breath, alright? Just rest,” the man told him. His eyes flashed with relief when the boy recognized him and gathered the strength to speak, even if the single word was weak and shaky. It was there. Peter was alive and breathing again. “Happy’s on his way to bring you to the medbay. Just hold on. Just keep breathing for me.”

Peter blinked at him before closing his eyes. He was exhausted and his chest ached. It felt worse than it had after his many asthma attacks as a kid. And as the blood started to flow to his brain again, repriving the oxygen that it had been starved of, he realized that it was because he had stopped breathing. And he wasn’t sure for how long. Based on the foggy feeling in his head, at least a few minutes. He had been dead and Mr. Stark had to bring him back. “‘M s’rry. . .”

“Shh,” Tony combed his fingers through Peter’s wet hair. Peter whimpered and forced himself into a sitting position before slumping over into Mr. Stark. “It’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you,” the man murmured, holding him close despite the water that was starting to soak his clothes.

“Oh, thank God.” Peter heard a new voice, but didn’t look up. He was a bit more alert now, and it only took a moment for him to recognize it as Happy. “Is he okay?”

“He was under for at least three minutes,” Tony murmured, still holding Peter close. “I. . . I thought I was going to lose him.”

Peter whimpered and tried to push closer to Tony. He felt a new hand in his hair, gently ruffling his wet curls. He didn’t lift his head, but murmured a “Happy.”

“Hey, Pete,” the man said softly. “You had us scared, Buddy.”

“‘M s’rry,” he mumbled, just barely lifting his head to look at Happy with bleary eyes. He could see the worry etched in his features, but there was a hint of relief there too.

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Happy replied. “I’m glad that you’re okay.”

“Let’s get you to the hospital, Kiddo,” Tony murmured quietly. Peter thought he felt the man press a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re freezing. The last thing you need is a bad case of pneumonia right now.”

Peter just nodded into his chest. He hated the idea, but he was too weak to argue. And he knew that if he cooperated, he could sleep soon.

He took a shaky breath and tried to push himself up, only to be stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. “I’ve got you,” Happy told him, carefully scooping up his legs and putting an arm under his back. Peter whimpered at first, but felt himself relax as he pressed into Happy’s warm chest. The feeling made him want to sleep even more, and he clinged on tighter as Happy started to put him down in the back of the car.

“I’m going to stay back here with you,” he heard Tony tell him. He was uncertain first, lifting his head a bit to look at the man. It was only when he saw the sincerity in his eyes that he let Happy lower him down. At the same time, Tony climbed in the opposite seat, grabbing a blanket that had been thrown in the passenger seat. “Come here, Kiddo.”

Peter shuffled closer and smiled a bit at the warmth that came as the blanket was wrapped around him and he was pulled into another hug. Neither of them said anything as Happy climbed in and started to drive, but after a few moments, Peter remembered something. “May?”

“Rhodey is picking her up and bringing her to meet us,” Tony told him. His hand was stroking Peter’s hair again, making him feel even more tired than before. “FRIDAY, can you send her an update?”

“Already have, Boss,” FRIDAY replied.

Peter nodded, closing his eyes again. “Try to stay awake, Buddy,” Tony murmured, noticing the change. “I know you’re tired, and I promise you can sleep soon, but you need to be checked out first, alright?”

Peter hummed in reply, barely managing to stay awake during the ride. He believed he was okay. Well, physically, at least. With his enhanced healing, he would survive even if he did fall asleep. Still, he knew that Tony was worried and he owed him this, so he fought off sleep until they reached the compound.

“‘Can walk,” he mumbled as Happy started to pick him up again. He wasn’t sure that was actually true, but he felt bad that the man had to carry him. Either way, he was shushed and Happy lifted him up once again and carrying him inside.

Peter barely remembered anything after arriving at the compound. He knew that May had been there. She had been crying, but tried to hide it as she hugged him and whispered soft words to him. After that, he was taken to a room and examined, hooked to machines, probably given some sort of drugs, but it was all a blur. He had been so tired, and he knew it wasn’t long before he fell asleep in the comfortable bed.

He was surprised that, when he woke up, the room was dark. There was a faint blue light that he recognized easily, but that was the only light in the room. It was night out, he noticed, and May was sleeping on a couch against the wall under the windows. He frowned at her, guilt bubbling inside him, blinking when a hand touched his. He slowly turned his head and squinted his eyes a bit at the light until his eyes adjusted. “You want me to wake her up?”

Peter shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment. “She was crying,” he mumbled. His voice sounded tired, but wasn’t as weak as it had been before. His chest still ached, but it wasn’t as bad as he remembered it being before. There was a cannula taped to his face helping him breathe, and as annoying as it was, he was grateful for it.

“She was worried,” Tony told him softly. “We all were, Pete.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. He remembered the panic that he had heard in the man’s voice earlier. The fear. He remembered him telling Happy that he thought he was gone. He remembered that, for a few minutes, he was gone. He had almost died.

Then he remembered something else. That’s what he had wanted. He had wanted to die. That’s what he intended to happen. He didn’t plan on being rescued. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want Tony to come and pull him out. And while he felt tears forming in his eyes, there was also a sense of relief in his chest that he couldn’t explain.

“Don’t apologize,” Tony replied. “We’re all just relieved you’re okay.”

Peter hummed, closing his eyes to try to fight the tears that were building inside him. “It’s okay to cry,” he heard Tony murmur. “Look at me, Pete.”

Peter blinked up at him, vision blurry. He could see sadness in his eyes, but there was still that same sincerity that he saw earlier. He found himself wondering why the man cared so much. What made Peter special enough for someone like Tony Stark to care about him? Not only that, but to care enough to fly to save him in his lowest point. To beg Peter to come back to life. To stay by his bedside in the hospital.

“I don’t want you to ever think that you’re not important,” Tony started. “I don’t want you to feel unwanted or like it doesn’t matter if you’re here or not. None of that, alright? I’m going to be completely honest with you; I was terrified. I was worried I would be too late, Kiddo.”

Peter wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t find the words. He was surprised. There were tears in Tony’s eyes as he spoke. His voice sounded tight. And that made Peter feel even more guilty. Not just for what he did, but for not realizing how much he apparently meant to the man. Because he had never seen him cry before.

“I don’t want to lose you, Peter. You mean a lot to me and you’ve helped me more than you know. I’m so sorry that I didn’t make that more obvious. I guess I thought you knew. I didn’t. . . God, how did I not notice?” Peter watched as he put his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

Peter reached out shakily to touch his knee, forcing Tony to look at him again. “‘S not your fault,” Peter murmured. “I-I just. . . I felt. . .”

Tears started to stream down Peter’s face as he tried to explain the feelings he had spent so long repressing. Suddenly he was sobbing and strong arms wrapped around him, holding him close. “I-I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it. I’m sorry.”

“Shh.” Peter felt a kiss pressed on the top of his head, then a hand pulled him into Tony’s chest. “I love you, Kiddo. If you every feel like this. . . H*ll, if the thought ever even crosses your mind, you can come to me, okay? I don’t want to lose you. Especially not like that. Please.”

Peter nodded into his chest, letting himself cry. He felt another pair of arms around him and shifted slightly, hearing May’s heartbeat. He took in her clean smell, fresh tears falling from his eyes. He had tried to leave May. He tried to leave her all alone. He was all she had left and he had tried to leave her.

“We’ve got you, Baby,” May whispered, kissing his temple. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he cried. Guilt and regret filled his aching chest. He knew that her and Tony were both crying now. It was easy to pick up on with his enhanced senses. “I-I just don’t want to hurt anymore. I-It hurts.”

“It’s going to get better,” Tony promised. “We’re going to make sure of it. If there’s anything — anything at all — that we can do to help, tell us. We want to help, Pete.”

Peter was quiet for a few moments, crying silently as the two hugged him. Slowly, he pulled away and blinked up at them, looking from Tony to May. “I-I want to get better,” he told them. “Bu-but I can’t. Not on my own.”

“That’s what we’re here for,” May told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not alone, Peter. Never.”

“Th-thank you,” he whispered, smiling at her before turning to Tony. He hesitated before leaning forward and wrapping him in a tight hug. “Thank you for saving me.”

Tony squeezed him tight, kissing his forehead. “Of course, Kiddo. . . Just, you remember me saying that I didn’t want to ever pull you out of a lake again?”

Peter smiled weakly and nodded.

“Yeah, let’s remember that this time, okay?”

Peter chuckled weakly. “Okay, Mr. Stark,” he smiled. “Oh, um, and I love you too.” He pulled away and moved to hug May. “I love you too, Aunt May.”

“I love you too, Peter. So, so much.”

#marvel #mcu #avengers #irondad #spiderson #peter parker #tony stark #may parker #happy hogan #friday #spider man #iron man #tw suicide

60 notes · View notes

mae-gi-writes · 4 years

Text

Deobi Playlist (EP 7) | The Boyz Imagine

Ep 7: in which Mae and Kevin have THE TALK

The Boyz x Hospital Playlist inspired drabble series.

Main Characters: Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin and OC (Mae)

Sides: the rest of The Boyz.

Genre: fluff, slice of life, comedy, BROMANCE BRUH

EP 1 | EP 2 | EP 3 | EP 4 | EP 5 | EP 6 | EP 7 | EP 8 | EP 9 | EP 10 | EP 11

-----------------------------

“Yeonji?” Hyunjae asks.

“Yunji,” Juyeon corrects.

“Right, Yunhee.”

“Yun-ji. Yun and Ji.”

“Right right,” Hyunjae pauses, forehead creasing, “Yunji.”

“Fucking finally.”

Hyunjae frowns, before throwing his arms around Juyeon in a cuddle. The younger man shrieks like a girl as he thrashes in his embrace, “ew, get off!”

“I love you,’ Hyunjae says while batting his eyelashes up at him, causing Juyeon to sniff and push the caramel-haired man’s head away, “sure, sure.”

“Oh I see how it is now, can’t even say it back now that you’re going out with Yeonhee?”

“It’s YUNJI.”

“Oh shit. My bad. Anyway, same thing.”

Hyunjae totally ignores the glare that Juyeon sends him, which would’ve sent anyone else running despite the fact that he is an intern. Not many are aware of Juyeon’s childish and easy-going nature because of his serious expression and nonchalant manner of speech. That, as a result, has unfortunately garnered him a reputation as unapproachable.

Pushing Hyunjae’s face away so that he can shrug on his jacket, Juyeon grabs his bag before he says, “I’m off” and heads out of their shared office.

“Heading out already?”

“Date night.”

“But everyday is date night for you guys!”

Juyeon ignores him.

“Are you going to eat sushi?” he hears Hyunjae call out after him, “Or is it European tonight? Don’t forget to bring some back for me!”

Juyeon only proceeds to shut the door in his face and is satisfied when only silence resonates in the corridor. He loves -- adores -- Hyunjae with all his heart. But sometimes, the latter can be so loud and noisy that it takes up all of his energy to just keep up with him.

Nevertheless, a soft smile dances across his lips as he thinks back to his older friend’s pout when he’d mentioned that he was going on yet another date with Yunji, and hopes that Hyunjae can find romance with a possible candidate like Sarang around. If there’s one thing that the said man lacks in his life, it is indeed, someone special whom he can confide into.

Juyeon makes his way down to the ground floor as swiftly as he possibly can, ducking his head at the right time so that people don’t get suspicious of where he’s going, and only lifts his head when he’s out in the parking lot. Glancing right and left to ensure that the space is void of activity, he strides over to the red used car in the far corner: Yunji’s.

“Hey,” his girlfriend says as soon as he slides into the passenger seat and closes the door shut.

He grins back at her and without hesitation, drops a kiss onto her cheek, “hey noona.”

“You really love calling me that don’t you?” she teases while sliding the car out and onto the road, “so? Where to?”

With Juyeon’s directions, the pair find themselves parking off the side of the street next to the Han River before Juyeon motions towards a small eating shack nestled between two apartment buildings on the opposite side. It’s orange panel gleams with the words ‘Crispy Kitchen’ and his heart swells twice the size of his chest upon noticing how Yunji’s face lights up.

She looks at him with excitement dancing in her eyes, “fried chicken?”

He can’t help himself from curling a stray strand behind her ear, “you said you were craving it. That’s the best place that serves chicken, cross my heart.”

“You’re adorable,” Yunji says, leaning to peck him on the cheek, “let’s go.”

Two baskets of chicken wings and two beers later, the couple decide to walk off the amount of food by strolling along the Han river. The wind is cold enough to be pleasant but not chilly, and as Juyeon shyly slides his hand into Yunji’s while looking away, he can’t help the smile from breaking across his face when he feels her squeeze back, almost shyly, as if even she isn’t used to such things.

He had learnt, on their very first date, that she hadn’t had a relationship ever since she completed her Phd program. Her last one had been a complete disaster and the stupid bastard had been found cheating with one of her friends. Ever since then, she’d decided to focus on her career and hadn’t given dating a second thought-- until Juyeon came along.

“I really want to tell people you know,” Yunji confesses, looking up at him through her bags and her glasses catching the city lights in their reflection.

“I don’t know noona,” Juyeon answers with unease growing in his stomach, “I don’t think they’ll take it very nicely.”

“Who cares what people say?”

He bops her nose gently, “I don’t care about me, but what will they say about you?”

“Well, I don’t care what they say about me either,” she wrinkles her nose, “so why not? It’s not like it’s illegal or anything.”

“You are my superior. I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m taking advantage of you in that way. Plus, if we tell people, they might separate us whenever we want to work together.”

She hums in agreement, “still, I hate hiding like this. I--” when her eyes catch his, they are filled with a tenderness, honesty shining through so vividly that it makes his insides go all warm and fuzzy, “I really like you, Juyeon.”

Juyeon lets out a soft smile and can’t help himself but dropping a small kiss atop her forehead then. She might be older, but she’s so so fragile, and he wishes he could just protect her forever from all the bad things that might happen. This kind of happiness is so fleeting, so outrageous that he fears something or someone might just roll in and break them up as easily as glass.

“I love you.”

Yunji’s head snaps up, eyes wide. She gapes at him and he feels like hitting himself for blurting it out like that in the open. Shit Juyeon, are you stupid?! He internally screams, what if she runs away now that your heart is all out in the open?!

“I--Uhm--I--” his brain tries to scramble together a bunch of excuses, except nothing seems to work, his mind turning to straight-up mush, “sorry, I--”

Her hands cup his cheeks and before he can finish his sentence, she’s up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

He stops breathing, muscles frozen in place. Yunji slowly pulls back, still so close that their noses brush together as he searches her eyes for an answer.

“I love you too,” she breathes, gentle affection brimming through her gaze, “I really do, Juyeon.”

And that’s all Juyeon needs to hear really. That her love for him is as clear and as strong as his heart beats for her.

----------

Having been sent to the Pediatrics department for the day, Ji Changmin is currently checking and ensuring that all appointments are up to date, when the door suddenly bursts open to reveal a flustered Kevin. The latter glances right, then left, and without sparing Changmin a glance, dives under his desk that faces away from the door.

Changmin, slightly curious and concerned, peers down at him before chirping cheerfully, “what are you up to, Doctor Moon?”

“Hiding,” comes Kevin’s gruff response as he internally groans. Why in the world does Changmin have to be his assistant? Today of all days?

“Why?” Changmin asks.

“I--Uh--Just because. I’m tired.”

“Why are you tired?”

“Long shift. If anybody asks, I’m not here.”

“Why not?”

Kevin shoots him a glare, “just do it.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Changmin replies like a cheerful little boy and it takes the doctor all of his self control not to punch him right where the sun doesn’t shine. Mind you, Kevin is a gentle person and it takes someone like him -- meaning, his greatest rival-- to rile him up that way.

His mind suddenly goes blank upon hearing a pair of footsteps rushing through his office door and almost jumps in sheer fright when Changmin’s voice booms through the room without warning:

“Hi Mae! What are you doing here?”

Kevin’s body instantly tenses up. Shit, his mind whirls with panic. If she finds him underneath his table, he’s dead meat.

“Where’s Dr. Moon?” comes Mae’s breathless question.

“Oh, he’s hiding.”

Kevin almost curses out loud. The little f*cker.

“What? You saw him? Where is he?”

Footsteps shuffle. A pause. Kevin can practically hear his heart booming out of his chest and he’s surprised that he’s managed to make it this far without yelping. As if on impulse, he can’t help but clamp his teeth down onto his lower lip, neck tucking between his shoulders like a turtle feeling attacked.

“Kevin?”

Mae’s voice is like a slap to his face. He bites down harder, so hard he tastes blood.

He hears a foot step forward. Then another. Some more shuffling.

“Changmin, I need a word with Dr. Moon.”

“Why?” There’s a whine in Changmin’s voice.

“Because he fucked up a surgery and now he’s going to pay for it.”

“Oh.” Pause. “Okay.”

Kevin hears Changmin shuffle out before silence reigns over the room once more.

“Kevin. I know you're there."

Trying to hold his breath, his heart almost knocks out of his chest when he spots her shoes scuffle over behind his desk, right in front of him.

"Kevin."

With a loud sigh, the said doctor peeks out from underneath his desk and looks up at Mae's face, whose eyebrows are kissed together and her lips are turned down in an expression of consternation.

"Yeah?" Kevin blinks up at her in what he hopes is an innocent way.

"So I've heard something interesting about you."

He crawls out of his hiding place like a kid about to be scolded, head hanging as he straightens up with a groan, "I'm very interesting."

She crosses her arms over her chest, "I'm gonna be frank. Do you like me, Kevin?"

-----------------

Tagging: @juyeonzz @thesingingfae1905

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ma-lark-ey · 4 years

Text

((Remember that brief post I made on Lark(?) getting sick? Yeah here's a whole chapter. But this time its angsty))

CW; for sickness, mentions of vomit, dry-heaving, minor panic attack description, spoilers for Episode 39-40. Theres some Oakson if you squint, I dunno if that counts at a trigger,,, but yeah

Henry couldn't remember the last time Lark was the twin to get sick. He had such an impenetrable immune system he thought he was incapable of the thing. But here he was, fixing Lark a bowl of soup while he laid on the couch under a fuzzy blanket.

"Here, Birdie. Don't eat it too fast, alright?" He brushed Lark's bangs back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Sure, his boy was nearly fifteen, but no child is too old for a sweet forehead kiss.

That usual fire Lark had boiling in him was dessimated by his case of some virus, and instead of his usual extravagant response to Henry, he just nodded.

"When's Ma gonna be home?" He asked, pushing himself to sit up enough to eat comfortably. His eyes looked like a raccoons, deep dark circles around them, sunk and dull. His skin was pale and lifeless. He could pass as a vampire. And that's his the boys went, either they were perfectly healthy, or they nose dove into being couch bound for a week.

"Somewhere around seven, she's bringing dinner. But, I may have to leave here soon. I have a meeting for something. You think you'll be alright by yourself for a little bit?" Henry hated the thought of leaving his boy when he was so vulnerable. Anything could happen in two hours. Especially with how quickly Lark's health could plummet. Last time one of them got sick, Sparrow was fine Friday morning and by Sunday evening they were taking him to urgent care because he had fluid in his lungs.

"I'll be fine, Dad." Lark set his half eaten bowl of soul on the coffee table, snuggling right back down into his blankets. "Hey, could you go get me the plush on my bed? The- the Pichu one."

"Of course, Lark. I'll be right back." Henry stood, making sure Lark was cozy in his blankets and went to grab the stuffed animal. It was rare the twins had toys un-destroyed as kids, but that Pokemon bear Nick had gotten Lark as a birthday gift when they were six? That thing always stayed perfectly in tact.

He picked the old, well-loved toy up off the bed. He could see the stitching on its ear where Sparrow had accidentally ripped it when they were seven. Lark cried for hours, wouldn't talk to Sparrow for thirty whole minutes over it.

The young granola-crunching dad trotted back downstairs. Lark was laying limp on the couch, breathing short and shallow. He looked horrid. Henry's going to have to cancel his meeting, he knows that. He's not leaving Lark alone when he looks this bad. Henry should recheck his temperature.

He set the Pichu down in the gap between Lark and the back of the couch, placing his palm on his forehead. God,,the kid felt like fire.

Lark gagged suddenly, throwing the blankets off himself and grabbing the pot he kept on the floor next to him. The soup he'd just eaten came right back up, he sat there, hunched over, crying and dryheaving for a good five minutes. Henry rubbed circles in his back and tried to soothe him. But, Lark couldn't even keep water down anymore. Henry knew he was dehydrated, and he didn't know what to do anymore.

Lark let out a sob, leaning into his dad. Henry held his boy against him, not daring to give a gentleman sway like he usually would.

"It hurts... Everything hurts..." He whimpered. He sounded so small, which wasn't a way Lark Oak-Garcia should sound.

"I know, baby. I know." Henry reached for thermometer he'd been keeping on the coffee table. He pulled it out of the protective case.

Lark looked at him, his eyes looked so tired. He opened his mouth and let Henry put the device under his tongue. It took a minute, but the thing beeled and Henry checked.

106.7. Oh hell no. Oh heeeell no.

"Get some shoes on, Lark, we're going to the emergency room." He said quickly, pushing himself to his feet and going to grab his keys, phone, wallet, and own shoes.

"Dad, I'm fine, I-"

"You're temperature is one hundred and SIX! That is not fine! Get some shoes!" Henry felt his hands started to shake. No, not now. He felt that familiar crushing feeling of his chest caring in on itself. Not now. Stupid panic attack disorder.

"Dad, really, itll go down in the hour I'm-"

"Lark Oliver Oak-Garcia, do not argue with me on this please, we are going to the emergency room and thats final. Now put on your shoes!" He knew he snapped, but he was freaking out. He didn't know anything about his stuff. In the Realms, when someone was this sick you'd cast a healing spell and bada-bing bada-boom, hes fine! But this isn't the realms, and there isn't magic! He pressed trembling fingers to his temples, trying to ease himself out of the coming panic attack before he really got consumed in the anxieties. He needed to be Dad right now, not Henry.

He looked around the room, listing off things he could touch or hear or see. Just like Mercedes had taught him.

Deep breath in.... Deep breath out. Its good. Lark's good. Focus on getting him to the doctor.

Henry snatched his keys and phone off the table, grabbing his wallet from the counter in passing and shuffling to get on his Birkenstocks.

Lark was shuffling awkwardly to the door, holding his Pichu plush. He looked nauseous just standing, but both Henry and Lark knew there was nothing left in his system to come back up.

Henry helped him into the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt, leaning it back so he wasnt sitting straight up and making himself light-headed. Then, he got himself in the drivers seat and pulled out of the driveway, handing his phone to Lark.

"Call your brother." He said sternly, eyes focused on the road as he moved to the urgent care clinical as fast as possible. Of course Lark listened, and Sparrow came through the Bluetooth of the car.

"Hey, Dad. What's up? How's Lark doing?"

"Hi, Sparrow. Letting you know, Lark's fever is almost 107, so we're going to the emergency room. Don't know when I'll be home, you can stay with one of the boys, or stay at home. I don't care. Mom's gonna be home around seven."

"Uh- oh! Okay. Um... Okay. Thats- okay, Dad. Is he okay? Just a high fever?" Of course Sparrow immediately sounding absolutely terrified.

"Don't panic,,Lark's good. He's just... He's low on fluids, his fevers high. I'll send you plenty of updates, promise. But, I gotta let you go cause we're here and I need to get him in. I love you so much, Sparrow."

"I... I love you too, Dad. And Lark. I- okay. I'll probably stay at Terry's."

"That's fine, call me when you get there, okay?"

"Okay... Bye."

"Bye, Sparrow.

------------

Henry paced the waiting room. Its not that they were doing anything major to Lark, just running some standard health checks and getting him settled in a room for the night. But, your pride and joy, your beautiful son whom you love more than life itself being in a hospital room without you? Terrifying. Fucking terrifying.

Darryl had arrived about five minutes ago, and was currently trying to get Henry to stand still.

"Darryl, Darryl, darling, you're wonderful but you really need to shut the fuck up. If I sit, I will stop the adrenalin rush and when I stop the adrenaline rush my thoughts start going-"

"Henry-"

"and that means my brain turns back on and when my brain turns back on, it means I'll probably have a panic attack and I really don't want to have one right now,"

"Henry!"

"at this moment, because for the love of god, Darryl, I need to know when my boy is okay and I can't know when my boy is okay if I have a panic attack because then I won't be able to-" Darryl grabbed hold of Henry's shoulders and stared him right in the eye.

"HENRY!" Thank god he finally got him to stop going down the rabbit hole, it took Henry long enough. He stared the other father in the eyes. His mind stopped for a moment. Just a moment. But it was a long enough moment.

Darryl knew the tears were coming before Henry ever showed signs of beginning to cry. He pulled him into a tight hug and just held him there, in strong arms.

"Its okay, Henry. He's fine. Just a high fever and some dehydration. He'll be fine." Darryl promised him.

------------

And, Darryl was right. Lark was fine. Henry freaked out over nothing. Late that night, Lark was discharged again. After his fever went back down and they gave him fluids.

It was now well past midnight, and Henry was exhausted. He got his just as tired son in bed, tucking him in and making sure the pichu was tucked in Lark's arms. He gave yet another forehead kiss, turning off the lamp.

"Goodnight, kiddo. Hope you feel better in the morning."

And, Henry dragged himself back to his bedroom, where Mercedes laid already asleep. He changed into a pair of pajama pants and crawled in next to her. Like her sixth sense, she rolled over to use Henry as some kind of large teddy bear like she did everything night. It was so nice. He took a long, deep, satisfying breath and settled into his pillows. His eyes became heavy, and he fell asleep faster than he had in years.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #this was more slef-indulgence than anything #henry has panic attacks okay? no one can take this away from me.

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onmywaytobe · 4 years

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Dissidia Writeblr: September 2020, Week 1

thank u @dissidia-writeblr for creating such an awesome event and i’m so sorry that i was so busy that i’m posting this very late! hopefully the fact that i wrote too much makes up for it lol

••••••••

One minute, Owen was at camp, hanging out with his friends. The next, he was suddenly in a different forest, surrounded by absolutely massive trees. He blinked and spun around, trying to take in the new scenery. The only one of his friends who was still present was Cam, looking around in a similarly confused manner.

“Uh, where did everybody go?” Owen asked. “Or maybe a better question is where did we go?” It wasn’t the first time he’d been teleported somewhere by accident, but that didn’t mean he was excited about the prospect.

Cam glanced at him, eyes still sweeping the trees around them. “I don’t know. But I don’t think we’re alone.” Owen drew closer to his friend, seeking his familiar support. If they had to fight, he knew they’d be fine. But again, that didn’t exactly mean he was excited about it.

Something stepped out from behind the nearest tree to them. It was human in shape, but devoid of color, and with a strange golden glow. Owen knew magic when he saw it, and immediately his defenses were up. But the being didn’t seem dangerous. It was the opposite of the shades he’d seen summoned by the Darkness; this being was practically pulsing with life.

Owen was so entranced by the first light being that he didn’t notice the others until Cam nudged his arm. Turning slowly in place, not wanting to startle the things, Owen saw that they were surrounded. His vision grew fuzzy, and when it cleared, he was completely alone.

“Cam?” Owen called, beginning to panic. His heart stopped when he heard a familiar voice respond to him.

“Don’t worry about him, sweetheart.” Owen spun around to see a woman standing behind him, her arms held out towards him. Her voice was warm and honeyed, without a trace of malice. “Come give your mother a hug.”

Chest aching, Owen shook his head. He would have closed his eyes, but he didn’t want to lose sight of Maria. “This can’t be real.” He was dying to close the distance between them. He could barely remember what it had felt like to be in her arms. It had been eight years since she died, and he was taller than her now. But she looked exactly the same as he remembered, with the help of pictures. Thick dark hair, sparkling eyes that made her always seem like she was smiling. Healthy and glowing. Alive.

Maria took a step closer. “Take my hand,” she invited. “I’m just as real as you are.”

Owen’s defenses crumbled. He inched closer, despite his instincts telling him not to. She’s dead, his brain kept repeating, but his body wouldn’t listen. The memories of the hospital and the cancer faded away as he reached for his mother’s hand.

The instant before their fingers met, the world went fuzzy again, like a television with bad reception. Owen thought he felt something brush his hand, and he tried to grab for it, but a wall of sound assaulted his senses.

His hands went to his ears automatically against the cacophony of screeches and hissing. Cam was back, the light beings were back and seemed to be the source of the noise. Now there was someone else there too, a man fighting the beings off. He was moving pretty fast, but his clothes and hair were unlike anything Owen had encountered before. He kind of looked like a ninja monk, although his fight moves were probably influencing Owen’s perception. From the look on Cam’s face, he didn’t know what was going on either.

After successfully dispatching the last of the beings, the man turned to Owen and Cam with a grin. “Hi! My name is Ross! You were summoned here, weren’t you? If you come with me, I can introduce you to a friend who will explain what’s going on. And he’s interested in magic! And I’ll bet you have magic.” He winked and held out his hand. “So, what do you say?”

Ross spoke very quickly, which was a little much after the recent attack. Owen closed his mouth, which had been open in awe, and exchanged looks with Cam. “Your friend knows why we’re here?” Owen asked first. It was a relief to know that nothing on their end had gone wrong to send them here, that they were “summoned” by someone (or something) else.

“Yep! He can explain everything.” Ross was still very energetic, surprisingly so after a fight. “And before you ask how I know about your magic, or how I found you, just know that it’ll be way easier to have my friend tell it to you all at once. And besides, a man’s gotta have some secrets. We have only just met.” His grin stretched even wider. “So? What do you say?”

Cam gave Owen the barest of shrugs. Owen knew what that meant; it was up to him to decide. Ross seemed genuine, despite his overall odd demeanor. Owen supposed that if he’d been summoned somewhere, there was no reason to assume that somewhere was on Earth. He tilted his head at Cam, asking if it was okay to trust this guy. Cam nodded, letting him know that he’d be behind Owen no matter what. Owen was grateful for his ability to communicate silently with his best friend so that Ross wouldn’t know what they were thinking.

“Well, you did just save us from whatever those things were,” Owen said. “Take us to your leader.”

“Excellent!” Ross spun around. “This way, men!” he announced, before marching off into the trees.

Cam chuckled as they started to follow him, but he paused when he noticed Owen’s hesitation. “What is it?” he asked, concerned.

“Oh, nothing.” Owen shook his head as they started after Ross. “Just getting used to the whole situation.” Truthfully, he was a little shaken up after seeing his mom, and possibly touching her hand. There was no way he’d actually be able to touch her, right? He knew with absolute certainty that she was dead. But he’d touched something. Or he thought he had.

Cam seemed to understand the emotion behind the words. “Those things made you see something too, huh?”

“Yes!” Owen exclaimed. Then he dropped his voice so Ross wouldn’t be able to hear. “I thought I was going crazy. It reminded me of the Darkness showing us our happiest memories. What did you see?”

Before Cam could answer, Ross interrupted. “What are you two whispering about back there?” he interjected, doubling back so he could keep pace with them. Cam was very relieved that he hadn’t had to confess his greatest desire to Owen. He didn’t need to know that Cam still had feelings for him.

#dissidia writeblr #my writing #long post #cam #owen #cowen #it's so fun writing for the boys after my last venture of writing with logot #owen is just so naive and clueless and cam is so strong and silent ugh i love them #anyway yes sorry this is late and sorry it's so freaking long lmao #got a little carried away

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female-overlord-3 · 4 years

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Bring Them Home Ch 10

Can we finally be free? <- ao3 link

Prev - Next

Fanfic writers doing what we do which is find the good parts and use them as best we can! Am I still annoyed my man Kyle was alone and hand to deal with Jesse Manes by himself? Yes. Am I fixing that? You decide! Michael is a sub fight me in the tags.

Warnings: off-screen gun violence. Panic/Anxiety Attack. Jesse Manes. For those that need it we get minor mentions of Maria but she is not getting between Malex.

Michael happily follows the direction Alex gives him to his other secret bunker but Alex's hand grabs onto his arm when they pull into the hidden back area.

An unmarked Hummer is already parked next to Kyle's.

"Fuck we need to go. Now." Alex throws his door open and reaches inside his jacket, pulling out a gun.

Michael is now adding Alex with a gun as a new kink. He quickly follows behind with his powers at the ready.

A gunshot rings through the air and then yelling before they open the door to see Kyle standing over Jesse Manes, a syringe in the older man's neck.

"Kyle!" Alex rushes over and turns him around to assess if any damage was done. A bullet is lodged in the vest but no blood.

"He's been following me, watching me! I actually went out to go buy a gun but the absurdity of how easy that was reminded me why I shouldn't." He glares down at Jesse who's unconscious on the floor at their feet. "Why I'm not like him or my dad."

Michael walks over and nudges Jesse with his foot.

"He dead?"

Kyle silently shakes his head.

"Induced coma."

"Pity."

Michael notices Kyle's hands shaking.

"Why don't you take a seat Doc? I may get into trouble but I've never taken a bullet before."

A chair moves to settle behind Kyle who drops like a rock.

"If we don't set him up in a hospital in the next couple hours he might be." Kyle looks to Alex, a question in his eyes that Michael wants to answer instead, to save him from the pain and guilt, but in the end it's Alex's decision.

"We'll keep him in a coma until my brother starts asking around." Alex finally answers before walking over to take a seat at the main computers.

Hovering between going to Alex and taking a step just close enough to 'accidentally' step on Manes, Michael decides that doing neither seems like a good idea so he goes to Kyle instead.

"You hungry? We brought food."

Kyle makes a queasy face but swallows it down and nods.

"I should. Also a blanket or jacket would be nice. I'm very much in shock right now."

Eyeing the vest Kyle still has on, Michael points at it.

"You still want that on?"

Kyle wraps his arms around the vest, hugging himself tightly.

"I'm gonna take the bullet out and then grab your food. Might have a blanket in my truck."

Kyle just nods and lets his hands fall to his lap. There's a bit of a tug and then the flattened bullet is free as it hovers over to land on the table.

Michael quickly goes to his car and grabs what he needs, eyeing Jesse's Hummer but considers asking Alex if trying to crush a car would be too much.

He's almost relieved that everything's the same when he goes inside because he'd finally gotten to a good place but of course it couldn't last

"Your food and a blanket. I can take out the trash and put it somewhere else if you know what I mean."

Kyle cracks a small smile but shrugs. "Nah just move him to a cot or chair so I can keep an eye on his vitals. We'll deal with all that after."

Michael knows he could lift Jesse but letting him drag across the floor is much more satisfying.

Once Jesse is set up in a chair in Kyle's eye view and Kyle is wrapped in the blanket slowly eating, Michael goes over to Alex.

"So would it be bad if I used my powers to crush the Hummer? Ya know for fun?"

Alex casts him a quick glance as he continues to type before turning back to the screen. There's a barely there smile so Michael takes it as a win.

"I could even make it catch fire by making the spark plugs ignite the gas and oil. Some very cathartic destruction. You did say you can legally burn and explode stuff on your property Alex." Michael singsongs and leans closer so he's partially blocking the right side of Alex's screen.

Alex grabs Michael's chin with one hand and drags him down for a brief but intense kiss before returning to typing.

"After I remove all the tracking and traces that could lead back to us, I'd love to Michael."

Michael can't really feel his legs or think. His brain is now just on a loop of having Alex against every surface here and vice versa.

"Are you sure we can't possibly christen this bunker? Like Kyle could go on a walk or something? Alex come on darling you're killing me." Michael whispers as he presses himself against Alex's side.

"You keep asking and I'll go grab my jacket. I've got some of that powder from Liz so I could keep you tied to a chair for a good hour or two."

It's probably not as sexual as Alex means but just the idea of it nearly drops Michael to his knees. He sort of forgot what Alex ordering him around does to him. "Now if you could go grab the stuff we brought from the cabin in and look around for 10 minutes so I could finish this, I'd appreciate it."

He wants to just straddle Alex in his chair and kiss the breath out of him but doing what he asks and possibly getting something better sounds almost as good.

A fry hits the back of his leg, pulling him slightly out of his daze.

"Guerin I can see you drooling from here. I'm not into being a participant of voyeurism." Kyle chides as he pulls the blanket more comfortably around himself.

Brain still a bit fuzzy Michael just makes Kyle's chair turn to face away from them instead of pushing Kyle out of it.

"Sounds like you're not in shock anymore Valenti."

A quick kiss is pressed to his cheek before Alex gently pushes him away to solely focus on his work.

Michael all but sprints out of the bunker so Kyle won't see how red his face is or the near giddy smile, taking a breath as he leans against the driver side door of his truck because a small kiss to his cheek from Alex makes him feel like that dumb hopeful kid he thought he lost when everything went to hell.

The reminder of one of the main reasons his life went to hell, that Jesse Manes is nearly alone with Alex, though unconscious, makes his skin itch so he quickly grabs everything he needs.

This time he actually looks around to take the place in and sees a large enough table to put everything down on.

Seeing everything and coming to the slow realization that he's in an actual bunker made to hunt down aliens flips something in him because it- god his mom, his people, answers he's been searching for his whole life since he hatched from the pod are finally in his grasps and it was here, so close and he- he's not safe. This place isn't safe, Jesse Manes is here, Alex isn't safe. They're going to find out and take him away and be-

"Michael."

Alex is in front of him, so close but not touching, while a worried Kyle hovers behind.

"Hey come on try and take a breath for me? Just a small one if you can." Alex asks.

Why isn't Alex touching him? Does he- he doesn't want to anymore now that he knows?

"No no, don't stop. You were doing real good Michael. Come on just breathe with me."

Alex finally but slowly takes his hand and brings it to his chest. Michael's whole body follows to slump fully into him.

Whatever's happening to him doesn't fully leave, just dulls as he rides it out.

Once the fear and oppressing feeling of just too much finally clears from Michael's mind, he comes to sitting on a cot with Alex who still has both their hands pressed to his chest as he takes steady breathes.

"The fuck was that." He croaks to gain Alex's attention. Michael has no idea what that was or what was happening to him. He's never felt anything- no wait he has but that time there was a reason for freaking out. Why did he have a-

"You had a panic attack. I think everything's been a lot, for everyone, but it probably just all you hit you now." Alex answers with a light squeeze of their hands, a worried look still in his eyes.

Michael thinks 'everything' is an understatement but he knows one thing that might've triggered it.

"I thought panic attacks were random and didn't have something that triggered it. I- I know what triggered mine." He fully drops to lay his head in Alex's lap, twisting a bit so their hands are still connected. "I know your dad is literally in a coma but just- you being here alone with him is- and this being a place meant to hunt down and find me, take me away to that prison to be- whatever they've been doing since we crashed here. It didn't feel safe, for me or you, and then everything about my mom and the others…"

Alex switches hands so he can drop one into Michael's curls while still keeping a pair connected and held to his chest.

"It was just such a good day, spending it with you. Of course it had to end like this." He sighs sadly and turns to bury his face in Alex's stomach. Because he can do that. The gentle motion of Alex's hands carding through his hair starts to make him doze off.

"This time it ended better though."

Michael blinks his eyes open and turns his head to look up at Alex.

Alex has his eyes closed and head tilted back, the arch of his neck sparking a small simmer of heat Michael savors before letting it go.

"Both of us in one piece while your piece of shit sperm-doner is in a coma is much better than last time."

Alex hums in agreement.

"I feel like we should talk about last time but I really just want to enjoy right now. As much as our sex is epic, this I could do forever darlin."

They get maybe 5 minutes before there's a cough and if Michael could, he'd fling Kyle across the room but the guy did just put the one person trying to ruin his life in a coma.

"Liz wants to meet. She wants to bring Maria into this because of what happened at the Gala but-"

"But we all need to agree to this. We can't have what happened with you and Liz." Alex answers.

Kyle nods. "Ya pretty much." His eyes seem to linger on them and it makes Michael's skin itch.

"Spit it out Valenti."

"You guys good if we do bring Maria in?"

Michael's a little thrown by the actual concern he hears but he knows it's mostly for Alex.

He feels the tired sigh Alex breathes out and wants to do the same. He just shrugs and savors the last bits of quiet and feel of Alex against him.

"Guess that's something else we need to talk about."

Kyle unsure if their 'talk' is going to happen now or not, considers now would be a good time to check on Sergeant Manes on the opposite side of the room.

Michael stands slowly and presses a quick kiss to Alex's hand once he helps him up. "Let's get your dad situated and away first. Having him away just makes things feel better. You sure I can't-" Michael doesn't hide the excited glint in his eyes as he looks to Alex eagerly.

"You're not destroying his car Michael. Not yet."

"Yet just means later and I can do later."

He gets an amused huff and that fond eye roll where Alex is telling him he's being insufferable but the fun kind where they usually go back and forth until someone shuts the other up with their mouths.

Michael title his head in mock thought. "I could use some of the nicer parts to spruce up my truck. Make some extra work at Sanders by using the spare parts for paying customers." He leans closer to press back into Alex's side so he can whisper in his ear.

"Take it for a drive and we could have some fun in the back of it. One last parting gift before I gut it and gets some very much deserved satisfaction in making it explode." He brushed his nose ever so gently down from his ear then travels back up his neck. "Have round 2 in the back of my truck like old times as the sunsets."

Michael lets out a pleased sigh when he feels the small shiver from Alex and hands raise to grab onto Michael's sides.

"After."

He gets a brief taste of Alex's lips before the bastard slips away to the side and back to his spot at the main computers.

Michael stares after him, a mix of frustration and excitement giving way to lustful hunger.

"We gonna take care of Sergeant Manes lover boy?"

Hunger that quickly dies into annoyance. He glares at Kyle and nudges him out of the way with his powers.

"You're the worst cock-block ever and I have 2 siblings." He complains before walking over to take care of the literal monster in his life. He turns back to see Kyle's mouth open about to say something and he feels like he's hit his limit with dealing with Kyle for the day.

"Anything else comes out of your mouth and you can happily do it yourself Doc."

Kyle huffs at him before his mouth falls shut.

With great restraint he gets Jesse Manes into Kyle's car without crushing a limb or seeing if he can make the man's chest collapse with enough pressure.

It's a near thing but the idea of using his powers on Jesse without the man being aware or able to do a thing about it, is somewhat satisfying.

Michael waits seated on the tailgate of his truck while Kyle tries to talk to him for a good 10 minutes until Alex finally appears, glancing only once at his dad buckled in Kyle's car before nodding and hands Kyle a tablet from his bag.

"Use this to message me if something happens, it's secure and only you know the password besides me. The story is Jesse Manes suffered from an aneurysm so he'll be in an induced coma until his brain heals. I've already set-up funds for him to stay as long as we need and you can either sign off on this or use the fake doctor that project Shepard has been using. He can stay under the cabin for the night, tomorrow we can bring him in."

Kyle nods and brings Alex into a hug, one Alex awkwardly reciprocates with a pat to the shoulder.

"Um still not there yet but getting there. Let me know when everything's good at the cabin. Michael and I shouldn't be more than 3 hours."

Kyle's tired face lights up with glee.

"3 hours huh? Didn't know riding a cowboy lasted that long Manes."

He makes a shooing motion at Alex who has the most done look Michael has ever seen.

"Go go. Have fun. Don't worry about poor old me. I'm an adult and knowing you, there's probably detailed instructions on this thing so I'm good."

Alex just sighs and flips him off as he makes his way over to Michael.

"Is it 'after' yet?" Michael pats the open space next to him but Alex fits himself between Michael's open legs instead as they watch Kyle leave.

"This is making me think it's finally 'after'. I'm not adverse to just doing the last thing, though I know me gutting that fancy jeep in just my best jeans and hat does sound nice. I'll make sure to give you a good show." He licks his lips and starts to tighten his legs around Alex to pull him closer while his hands grip the edges of his truck bed for support, leaning in closer until their lips are almost touching but a hand to his chest stops him.

"We've still got things to do Michael. You just need to wait a little bit longer."

"I swear to god if I have to wait 3 hours to kiss-"

The hard and borderline desperate kiss Alex gives him makes him breathless. It doesn't last long enough for them to start anything but it helps take the edge off.

"You stay here and look pretty while I check if the car's hiding anything. Then after I give you the okay, I follow you back to your airstream so I can watch you take it apart."

A hand holds the back of Michael's head in place while the other rests firmly on his thigh.

"Then I'll consider if we use your bed, your truck, or the Hummer if we have time. Sound good?"

Michael just moans in answer and tries to drag Alex back into another kiss but the hand tightens in his hair.

"Still not after yet."

"Alex." He whines but stays in place.

"Shouldn't be more than 10 minutes."

It's an agonizing 10 minutes but he endures it and Alex rewards him with a longer kiss. This time he's allowed to get his hands on Alex, one hooked around a shoulder to grab onto Alex's shirt as the other cups Alex's face, thumb stroking his cheek lightly as the intensity dies to something slower and softer.

They rarely shared these types of kisses, always in a hurry to satisfy their desperation for now, skin, more. It fills Michael with a type of lightness, like even with all the shit they have to deal with, things are right in the world.

The kiss ended some time ago but they stay pressed together. A need for closeness being satisfied, a need Michael realizes he doesn't really allow himself to have.

He presses one last kiss to Alex's lips, a light peck that is so simple yet means something so immense, it makes them both smile.

Alex let's out a content sigh that sinks into Michael's bones, the feel of satisfaction thrumming through them because he made Alex happy and content.

"I'll follow you out. Try not to speed too much alright." The parting words are a tease and reminder of what's to come next.

Michael definitely speeds but Alex is right behind him.

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devilgoat · 5 years

Text

Tell Me Your Love Is Still Only Mine

Reddie, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, post-chapter 2, 4k

There was a flutter in his chest and his muscles seized. For a moment, Eddie thought he was having a heart attack. Then the thought settled in his brain as a nagging, then screaming, voice.

You’re having a heart attack. Oh my god, it’s a heart attack. I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m going to die.

His heart fluttered again and blood rushed up to his cheeks.

What is happening to me?

Richie broke the kiss between them.

An unbearable moment passed. Then another. And another.

“Eddie?” Richie looked at the wild panic that had glazed over Eddie’s eyes. “Oh shit,” he brought a hand up and ran it through his hair. “I shouldn’t have done that. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Why did I do that, he thought to himself.

Why did he do that, Eddie thought, Why did it feel right?

––––––––––––––––––

Richie had almost lost Eddie down there. Down where It lived. He had gotten so hurt. Richie thought Eddie was going to die, and he along with him. He couldn’t just leave him there. Not after Eddie risked his life for him.

His little scaredy-cat Eds actually threw that damn fire poker at It. To save him. It had hurt him bad, and he almost bled out. But Richie couldn’t leave him. No matter what he couldn’t leave him. With strength he didn’t know he had, he pulled Eddie up and dragged him out of It’s lair. With a little help from Ben, of course. They had nearly died down there. Eddie nearly died down there.

With a stroke of luck Eddie survived. They stayed at the little hospital of Derry Medical as Eddie recuperated. All the Losers stayed for Eddie, at least for a while.

Richie didn’t want to think about what it was like when they first brought him in. The fear he had felt. The blood. The look on Eddie’s face when they carted him away and all Eddie could do was stare at Richie with tear-addled eyes, his mouth soundlessly crying out Richie, Richie, Richie...

The Losers waited and cried. There was nothing else they could do. Despite all they had done to kill It, there was nothing any of them had in their power to help their Eddie. So they waited and they cried.

Finally Eddie had woken up. The first few times he had only a sliver of consciousness. The blood loss and the damage to his body didn’t allow him to stay awake more than a few minutes at a time. At one point he was able to reach out to Richie, but his hand flopped to the bed as he passed out again.

After he was transferred from the ICU, the doctors had said that he was on his way to recovery. After that, the Losers stayed, but they didn’t cry. Except for Richie. He didn’t cry in front of them anymore. He knew that they would understand how distraught he was, but he didn’t want to face it himself. He cried alone in the bathroom until his head ached.

One by one they had left.

Ben and Beverly were the first leave. They had done it. After all this time they had finally found each other and they were ready for their lives together. Richie understood.

Then it was Bill. He had a life and a career to get back to; there were books to write and movies to make. He understood that too.

Mike was the last to leave. He left Derry, finally, after all these years. He was ready to start his own life that only he could live. Richie understood that most of all.

But Richie couldn’t just leave. Not without Eddie.

There was no sign of Eddie’s wife. Although to be fair, she didn’t make an effort to reach out and neither did Richie.

The hospital chairs were stiff and made Richie’s body ache, but he stayed overnight like so many nights before without complaint. The hospital tried to get him to leave, but he shouted and screamed until they had no choice than to let him stay. He only ever got up from his chair to go to the bathroom or to grab a bit of food from the hospital cafeteria.

This night, he had woken himself up from his own snoring. He cleared his throat and sat up straight. Richie’s eyes immediately drifted towards Eddie’s bed. He heard his name. A chill immediately ran through his spine when his eyes connected with Eddie’s.

Eddie had woken up just a few moments before. At first, he felt like he was underwater. But even before his eyes had struggled open, his mind began to race and juggle a hundred thoughts at once.

Okay I’m awake. I’m alive. I’m still alive. God my stomach hurts. Oh shit, is my stomach fucked it? Is it cancer? Stomach cancer? No, no no. Am I bleeding? It hurts to breathe.

His eyelids were heavy. Things were fuzzy as they always were, but he managed to stay awake for more than a few seconds. He raised his hand to touch his chest and the immediate throb snapped his eyes wide open.

Eddie took in the sight of the room around him. Clean, dull colored walls surrounded him. A single window let the morning light in. A hospital. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or worried about the diseases crawling through halls that could kill him when It couldn’t.

It.

What happened to It?

All he could remember was being thrown through the air like nothing. He remembered Richie and the fear in his eyes. That was something he would never be able to forget. Never.

Wait. Richie.

Oh god, Richie!

Without meaning to, he had said Richie’s name out in a harsh whisper. And when he turned, there he was.

“Richie!”

“Eddie!”

Richie propelled himself out of his chair with such force that he toppled it over. He ran over to Eddie and wrapped his arms around his friend’s shoulders. Eddie would have done the same if the pain hadn’t shot its way from his chest out to his limbs and his head.

“Ow ow ow ow ow, Rich—“ Eddie groaned in pain. Richie pulled away and his trashmouth stumbled over its words for the first time.

“Oh fuck, oh god, I’m sorry. Ed-Eddie, I’m so sorry. Y-you—you okay?”

Eddie’s head fell backward onto his pillow. “What the fuck do you think?” He smiled before a cough shook it off his face. His cheek ached from his wound.

Richie couldn’t help but to laugh. He genuinely could not. He laughed a laugh of nervousness and panic. Of a mountain of strain and stress suddenly sloughed off of his shoulders. He covered his mouth with his hand and muffled it as best he could.

“What’s so fucking funny,” groaned Eddie. “You flipped a perfectly good chair you inconsiderate asshole.”

Now even Richie’s hand couldn’t stifle his laughter. Richie bent his head down onto Eddie’s bed and rested it there. His laughter started to slow until only his shoulders shook. It became obvious to Eddie that Richie was crying.

With a bit of effort, Eddie raised his hand and placed it on Richie’s head.

Richie’s shoulders stopped shaking. He lifted his head and turned it away from Eddie in order to wipe his tears without them being seen.

“Hey, Rich?”

Richie cleared his throat again and turned back to Eddie, “Yeah?”

Eddie opened his mouth but his words caught in his throat. He wanted to say things were okay, he wanted to say that Richie didn’t need to cry, he wanted to say that it hurt him to see Richie hurt.

But instead he asked what happened and why the fuck was he lying here.

Richie gave him the cliff notes. Pennywise shriveled like the little bitch It was and they had carried Eddie out of there. He left out the part that he couldn’t carry Eddie out on his own.

“I uh...I almost died huh? That happened. That was nice. Totally didn’t see that coming, yeah no.” Eddie looked straight forward and felt vindicated in what he had been saying the whole time. “Just had to be me, right?”

“I mean, but you didn’t, right? That’s gotta count for something?”

There was a moment of silence that filled the air. Richie couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“Hey Rich?”

“Yeah, Eds?”

Richie watched as Eddie’s eyes glazed over with tears. In that moment, Richie saw just how soft Eddie’s features were. Just how gentle and...and sad.

“Thanks,” Eddie swallowed back his tears, “Thank you, Richie. For always looking out for me. I’m sorry...I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t protect you in the house, with that-that thing. I just stood there. And I couldn’t help you down there either. I tried, but I fucked it up. I thought I could save you, Richie, I thought I could do something, I thought—“

Before the first tear could fall, Richie leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Eddie once more, gently this time.

“Just shut the fuck up,” he whispered into Eddie’s ear.

Eddie brought up his arm and wrapped it around the back of Richie’s neck. Fuck the pain.

They stayed in each other’s embrace for what seemed like forever, but even forever ends.

Richie pulled away ever so slowly. Their eyes met, only centimeters apart. He felt it build inside of him until he couldn’t take it anymore. He closed the space between them.

Eddie’s lips felt soft and beautiful against his own.

The two of them connected for the briefest of moments, but there were years behind their kiss.

Eddie felt his heart race and nearly burst out of his chest.

Richie pulled away. Eddie stared up at him.

This doesn’t make sense. Why did he do that. Why does it feel like this. What’s happening?

Richie had turned beet red.

“Eddie?”

Eddie hadn’t realized that he had frozen in place like a statue. He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t even know what he would if he could. He could only stare.

“Oh shit,” Richie ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Richie righted himself and began to walk in a tight circle.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck,” he muttered under his breath.

“Richie?”

With one final, “I’m sorry,” Richie left the room.

Eddie was—well he didn’t know what he was.

Without even a moment to process, Richie came back into the room. Their eyes locked. Richie came closer but stopped in his tracks. He bent over and picked up the chair and righted it.

And within a second he was gone again.

Eddie turned to the chair and stared.

——————

What the fucking fuck, Richie, you goddamn idiot why would you DO that?

Richie scolded himself as he walked down the Derry streets in a pace anyone would describe as aggressive and worrying.

He was heading towards the inn. There was nothing he could do now. He had kissed Eddie...Eddie…he shook his head free of thoughts. He had done that and there was no taking it back. The only thing he could do now was cut his losses and get the hell out of Derry as soon as physically possible.

After a while he had made his way to the inn’s doorstep. The entire way over he had been trying to knock his thoughts away from Eddie.

Eddie.

His lips. His eyes—

No, no stop it. It didn’t happen. It didn’t matter. I don’t know where it came from so it’s fine it doesn’t matter it doesn’t mean anything. I just need to move on and get the fuck out of here.

Once in his room, he sat on his bed and looked up the earliest flight he could take out of Derry or whatever town he needed to go to do so.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

The next flight wouldn’t be until tomorrow morning. He would have to stay in Derry for at least another 24 hours.

Richie couldn’t take it, he just couldn’t. All the memories—27 years worth—pounded into his brain and heart. The guilt, the shame, the loneliness. His friends. His friends were always there for him. But they didn’t know his secret. No one could know. But now Eddie knew. He just gave in to what he tried to convince himself was an impulse, but he knew deep in his heart that it was something that he had wanted to do for so, so long.

Richie only ever needed Eddie. Even as his memories had faded over the years, nothing ever felt truly right. He tried to seek a relationship, but his love was never truly love. He didn’t know why until now.

What the fuck was he supposed to do for another 24 hours? He couldn’t just stay here locked in his room. He would drive himself insane.

Thankfully, his stomach answered his question.

Richie’s stomach grumbled from hunger. Once he felt that first twist, he realized just how hungry he was. He hadn’t had a proper meal in what seemed like forever.

In his little room, Richie sat on the edge of his bed and let out a small sigh.

——————

After Richie had left, Eddie’s head was swarming with thoughts. They were indecipherable even to him. They ran and spun around his mind over and over again. But all of them revolved around Richie.

He kissed me.

He actually kissed me.

Why did he do that why did he do that.

No it was just a fluke. It was one of those situations when people get caught up in the moment. Like when team players win a game and slap each other’s asses or kiss each other. Yeah it was just that. It didn’t mean anything.

Then why does it mean something to me?

Mom would be freaking out if I told her about this.

She always told me about the germs. The diseases. The diseases men carried when they kissed other men. I could never risk it. I never risked it. I always stopped myself before. I didn’t want to die. Mom always told me I would die. That I would rot and fall apart and leave a trail of pieces as I walked around.

That I would turn into a Leper.

At the moment, Eddie mostly felt fear. He feared illness and death and that something terrible would happen.

But Eddie touched his lips and he could still feel Richie’s pressed against them. The fears subsided for a moment, just a moment. Enough for him to realize that it wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be.

It was actually…

Good.

A differently kind of fear settled into his mind. What about Richie? He stormed out. He was so upset. Richie must have hated it. He must have hated him.

Eddie was stuck on the kiss. The kiss the kiss the kiss. But he shouldn’t like it, right? He can’t like it. And yet he did. He really did.

He couldn’t just lie here. No he needed to talk to Richie. He had to ask him why it all happened.

Eddie pulled the sheets off of himself. With quite a bit of difficulty, he stood up. He lifted up his gown and saw the series of stitches and staples going down his torso. He looked fucking terrible.

He called in the nurse who immediately ordered that he lie back down. Any other time he would listen. Any other time he would stay in the hospital and wait. But now he couldn’t.

He had to find Richie.

Eddie could move himself well enough, although the pain definitely was a bitch. Even with the leftover of the pain medication, it was still bad. He refused help from the doctors and nurses. All they could do was give him some pills before he checked himself out and left.

It took him quite a while longer to walk to the inn. The stairs were quite difficult. Eddie knocked on the door.

“Richie?”

After he didn’t hear a response, he let himself into Richie’s room. He wasn’t there.

Eddie checked the bathroom, calling out again. No sign of his friend. He stood still for a few moments. Richie must have left. He left him.

Eddie’s eyes became cloudy. He wiped away his tears and thought about what he could do. But was there anything he could do? Would he ever even see Richie again? He couldn’t bear the thought. Whether he knew it or not, Richie was the missing piece that he needed.

A sudden pang of pain hit Eddie’s stomach. For a moment he was afraid he ripped his stitches, but in the next he realized it was hunger. It was burning need, and no matter how he wanted to stay there in case Richie came back, he had to eat.

Eddie wipes his eyes again as he slowly descended the stairs and left the inn. He tried to remember the closest restaurant from here. He immediately remembered his favorite little place. It was a diner that had been there since the 50s. The Losers has gone there so many times for cheap burgers and milkshakes. Richie and Eddie went there to spend some time alone.

He made his way down the block and crossed the street.

The diner still had its original checkered tile flooring. The booths’ red seats had started to peel along the edges and little strings of the interior hung out. Eddie was immediately annoyed by it. When he opened the door, it hit the small bell above it and signaled his entrance.

Richie stopped mid-bite when he saw Eddie at the door. His mouth snapped shut. Eddie froze in the doorway.

Fuck, should I leave? Should I stay? Should I sit with him or go further in the back? Should—

“Hey, honey, come on in,” said the middle-aged waitress from behind the counter.

Eddie clenched his jaw and let the door close behind him. Light doo-wop played over the speakers. Richie put his burger down and leaned back in his seat, his eyes on the plate in front of him.

Eddie’s eyes shifted from one side to the other. His heart slammed against his chest. He felt pinpricks of sweat as they began to arise.

Okay, okay, okay, here we go.

Each step felt like he was weighed down by a ball and chain. It’s not that he didn’t want to speak to Eddie, but how could he explain what he felt to him. How he felt for him.

Eddie tried to lower himself into the booth. Richie’s sudden movement out of his seat sent a jolt of fear through Eddie’s body. He thought that Richie was bolting again. Instead, Richie wrapped his hand around Eddie’s arm and helped lower him down into the seat.

“Thanks,” said Eddie. Richie still avoided looking him in the eye.

Only now did Richie make his way to the door. Eddie reached out and grabbed his jacket.

“Richie...please...” His eyes looked up and pleaded. He hoped Rich could hear it in his voice.

Richie looked straight ahead for a moment before he turned to sit down once more. He stared down at his burger without a word or a sound.

Eddie watched him. He traced his features with his mind’s eye. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Richie finally picked up his burger and took a bite.

“Come on, Rich, we both know you’re not that stupid.” He leaned forward and began to whisper. “The...you know—the fucking ki—“

The waitress came up and gently placed a menu down in front of Eddie. He leaned back in his seat and blushed. He gave her a forced smile and nodded at her.

“Take your time,” she smiled.

Eddie thanked her and she walked away. He didn’t bother looking at the menu.

“Richie—“

“I said—!” Richie forced his voice down to a harsh whisper. “I said I don’t want to talk about it!”

“Well I do, asshole!”

Richie forced air out of his nose. For the first time since Eddie came in, he looked him in the eye. “Alright, then talk.” He waved his hand.

“So um...um...” Of course now that he had the chance, Eddie couldn’t think of what to say. “How’s uh...how’s the burger?”

Richie gave him a quizzical look. “Uhhhh, well just about the same as when we were kids: cheap and greasy. They seem smaller now though.”

“Yeah, age...age does that huh? Make things seem different, in a way. I’m sure it’d give you a heart attack now since you’re so fucking old.”

“Well, not too different I’d say. You’re still an anxious, hypochondriac fuck.”

“I’m not a hypochondriac! I have good reason to be worried, okay? It’s my job!” Eddie pointed a finger.

“Yeah, it’s your job to be an anxious fuck,” Richie laughed.

Eddie sighed and crossed his arms. “Well at least I’m good at my other job too.”

“You have another job?”

“Yeah, it’s fucking your mom. She doesn’t really pay well.”

They both laughed at each other. Their smiles slowly faded while their eyes lingered on one another.

“Richie,” Eddie sighed. “Back at the hospital...”

Richie looked away and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, that was an accident, it—it didn’t mean anything.” It pained him to say that. He wanted to tell his Eddie Spaghetti that it meant everything. That every fiber of his being pulled him into it. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t let Eddie know what he really felt. Eddie would hate him.

Eddie’s heart dropped. “Oh.” So he was right. It didn’t mean anything. He realized how badly he wanted it to mean everything. If he said what he felt now, he would just look like a fool.

However, neither knew that other just couldn’t let go. They haven’t been able to let go the past 27 years. There was no way they could do it now.

In unison they said each other’s names.

“Eddie—“

“Richie—“

They both stopped themselves.

They sat in silence for a while. They gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Eds,” Richie’s soft voice barely carried over to the other side of the booth. “Can I show you something?”

Eddie nodded. Richie left the money for the burger on the table as well as a nice tip. Richie led the way out of the diner and Eddie followed close behind. The waitress watched them go. They look so cute together, she thought.

——————

The two of them walked through town and out to the outskirts. Richie kept a pace that Eddie could keep in his injured state. Buildings petered out and an increasing amount of trees took their place. Richie knew this area well, and when he saw the bridge, his heart did a backflip. He was slightly ahead of Eddie so he rushed to a side of the bridge and stood in front of a specific portion of it. Surrounding him were carved initials in the wood. Some were new; some had dulled over the years. Hearts encircled some of them in ancient declarations of love. Eddie wondered how many of them lasted.

“What are we doing here, Rich?” Eddie asked. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking.

Did he want us in private to tell me it was all a mistake? That he regretted it and it was time to part way? But I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it. It already hurts so much.

Richie’s voice shook him out of his neuroticism. “Eds? I-I—“ he couldn’t say it. As desperately as he wanted to—as he needed to, he couldn’t. So instead, he took a step to the right.

“What?” Eddie kept his eyes on Rich until they wandered over to the bridge.

R + E.

The gears slowly turned in Eddie’s head. R...Richie. E...Eddie?

Me?

“Eddie,” Richie could already feel his regret, but he couldn’t keep this secret anymore. It had bored into him for years and years. It dug a hole in his heart.

Alright, I just need to say it. Like a band-aid. Just say it Rich, just fucking say it!

The words burst out of him like they had a will of their own.

“Eddie, I–”

Eddie crossed the distance between them. He grabbed either side of Richie’s face and pressed their lips together.

It felt like a bomb exploded between them. Their lips were high-powered magnets clinging to one another with natural force. The buzzing of electricity between them flowed from their mouths to their chest to their fingertips. 27 years passed between them. 27 years of yearning, desire, love, friendship. It was all there between them in a bond that refused to be broken by anything. Not time, or monsters, or fear.

They pulled away from each other, but this time it was not from fear or shame. They needed to see each other. It needed to be finalized in their minds. Eddie’s hands stayed on Richie’s face and held him in a way that he always needed to do. Richie raised his hands up and placed them on Eddie’s shoulders.

“Eds?”

“Yeah, Rich?”

Richie paused.

“I love you.”

Eddie never broke his gaze.

“I love you too, Richie.”

They broke their embrace. Eddie asked if Richie still had his pocket knife on him. Richie nodded and gave it to him.

They carved their initials into the wood once more.

R+E.

#it 2017 #it 2019 #reddie #reddie fic #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #POSTING AGAIN because the previous time it delted the post when i wanted to add a tag #eddie didnt die #my writing #devilgoat writing #bill hader #james ransone #two sad gay boys #im just so so sad since im also a sad gay boy

86 notes · View notes

thewhumperinwhite · 4 years

Text

FBI AU: Father

Previous: Rescue / Interrogation / Awkward / Painkillers

This brings us up to speed with what I’ve already written for FBI AU, which means I’ll have to establish an Actual Posting Schedule where I post my stories more evenly again lmao

@whumpitywhumpwhump

TW for: implied/referenced child abuse; referenced noncon; Cops,; drugs/coming down off drugs/refusing pain meds;Rona in general, who is I maintain is Basically Good but whose brain is still uh.... a terrifying nature documentary; also Art in general which means references to suicidal ideation and just...…. generally discounting his own trauma.

Continues directly from Painkillers but if you don’t wanna reread: Art tells Simon not to let his dad into his hospital room and says “he killed my brother”; Simon passes this information on to Rona, along with the file on Art’s brother’s “accidental death;” she’s a bit skeptical.

Rona does, though this is information that doesn’t ever need to make its way to Simon’s ears, read the file. It’s suspicious, she guesses, but not as open and shut as Simon seems to think. It sounds like the senator and the kid were alone in the house; any court case would be about proving intent, which is a messy business she has absolutely no interest in bothering with. It might be possible--maybe--to prove Heinrich Senior pushed his kid down the stairs; even given that there’s absolutely no way to prove he did it with the intention of killing him. You could maybe offer a history of serious physical abuse as evidence, but the actual victim of the abuse is too dead to testify about it.

No, obviously what convinced Simon was the way the kid said it, and Rona--gets that. Simon’s shot a few cult leaders, and threatened a few more into surrendering, but he’s never carried a bleeding teenager out of a building before. That gets in your head, gets your, like, evolutionary mom-instincts all tangled up inside you. Rona still keeps track of a couple of kids she pulled out of drug dens, when she was younger. You get over it after a while; bad things happen to a lot of people, you can’t take care of them all. Trying doesn’t do anything but make you worse at your job.

“Heinrich Lange,” a terse voice is saying to the receptionist. “I’m here for my son.”

Rona’s head snaps up from the trashy magazine she’s been reading. She’s been sitting in the front reception waiting area for twenty minutes because she’s avoiding Simon, who is stalking the halls looking annoyed, and Farah, who may or may not be in her missing son’s hospital room, because she may also be where they’re holding her missing daughter for questioning.

“I have a personal physician at a facility upstate,” the voice is saying. “I want him transferred. Start the paperwork now.”

Rona looks at Senator Heinrich Lange and knows immediately that he pushed his youngest son down the stairs of his upscale townhouse. His intent in doing so seems kind of immaterial at this point. She’s on her feet before she’s consciously processed the decision to get up.

“You can’t have him,” Rona says flatly at Heinrich Lange’s back.

Heinrich Lange turns sharply, and does the old-white-man version of the double take everyone does on first seeing her. He’s taller than her, but that never really matters.

“Who the hell are you,” Heinrich Lange says. He isn’t really what she’s expecting--she’d expected the slimy kind of abusive father, the kind who donates to charity with the same hand he uses to touch his kids. Heinrich Lange Senior looks more like the good old-fashioned kind that hits his kids in public and expects you to be too scared to say anything. Rona smiles, letting him see her teeth.

“I’m one of the agents who pulled your son out of the torture chamber,” she tells him. “Arthur Lange is part of an ongoing FBI investigation. He can’t be moved to a private facility where he’ll be outside our protection.”

Heinrich Lange looks at her, like a water buffalo would look at a lioness, not sure which one would win in a fight. The answer is always Rona, if only because she doesn’t have to ask. She watches that knowledge register in his stance, but Lange still looks belligerent--he seems like the kind of man who pisses on his kill rather than let anyone steal it, even if it means he can’t eat it either. That’s kind of the type of man Rona has the least patience for. She feels her smile widen.

“Protection from what?” Heinrich snaps. “Your captain claims you caught the man who attacked my son.” He emphasizes the words “my son”, like he’s going to scare her with the legal claim he supposedly has, but Rona knows the legality is on her side and also that it doesn’t matter; he isn’t taking Art out of here.

“Maybe you haven’t heard the words ‘ongoing investigation,’ before,” Rona says. Heinrich’s face twitches at the insult, which wouldn’t’ve even really been an insult if she hadn’t known he’d make it one. “We caught the leader of a death-cult we’ve been investigating for a while now. We found your son in their compound. We don’t know the extent of your son’s involvement. We’re not letting him out of our sight until we’ve eliminated all possible threats to his safety.” Rona tips her head very slightly at the end there, and Heinrich’s eyes flash; nobody would assume he was included on that list unless they already knew he belonged there. Heinrich Lange isn’t a very sophisticated villain; after interviewing Micah Trent several times, it’s almost refreshing.

“You don’t have any claim on the boy,” Heinrich says, raising his voice and also calling his son “the boy;” even the receptionist is looking at him with alarm now; this is the easiest game Rona’s ever won. “I’m his goddamn father.”

Rona actually laughs at that one, which he recoils from like a slap in the face, as she knew he would. “This might be news to you, Senator, but your son’s nineteen years old. And I’m going to bet he wants to stay here, though I’d be happy to ask him for you. He knows there’s people in this city who want to shut his mouth any way they can.”

That one’s a little overt, but Rona’s sure enough now not to worry, and Lange’s expression of guarded alarm just makes her more sure. She’s gonna have to say all this stuff again to somebody who matters, and a U.S. Senator has enough money to make the Bureau nervous, but none of that matters now that she’s smelled blood in the water.

Heinrich turns to the receptionist, since he knows he’s lost; she takes almost a full step back from him, because he doesn’t know how badly. “Get me someone who knows what the fuck they’re talking about,” he snarls, and the receptionist doesn’t even reach for the phone, though her hand is sliding under the desk; there’s probably a panic button under there. Rona laughs again, though there’d probably be actual consequences if this little girl called security on a Senator and there’s no guarantee the hospital knows they need her like the Bureau knows they need Rona, so Rona claps a hand to Lange’s shoulder, transferring all his ire to herself immediately.

“Don’t bother,” she tells him before he can scream at her. “You’ll hear the same thing upstairs I’m telling you now. You can’t have him. Go home.”

“You bitch,” Heinrich Lange says, already turning to storm out of the hospital. “You’re fucking done working in this town.”

“The FBI is a national organization, kiddo,” she tells him, and pats him on the shoulder on his way out. He doesn’t take a swing at her, which would have been the best icing she could have asked for on this already-excellent cake, but he does make enough effort to leave with dignity that not even the onlookers who arrived too late to hear him talk can possibly have any respect for him left. Rona rocks back on her heels, delighted.

“Jesus, I need a fucking cigarette,” she says, turning to grin at the receptionist, who looks back at her, alarmed. “You need anything? Buy you a coffee.”

The receptionist blinks at her, then back at Heinrich Lange’s retreating back, and then to Rona’s delight she says, “Cappuccino. Was that really his father?”

“Yep,” Rona says, waving away the change the receptionist offers her.

“That poor boy,” the receptionist says, and Rona laughs all the way to the coffee machine.

----

Art’s head is clearing, which is always the worst part of being high.

The duty officer, Chase, finished taking his initial statement with a promise to “see what he could do about getting Karim in to see him,” which is not as strong as he remembers the initial promise being, but his memory on that is a bit fuzzy, so it’s possible he assumed it was more binding than it was.

The more awake he feels, the more every part of him hurts, some of the pain deep in his guts in ways that make him feel dizzy and sick, but he resists pressing the button that’s supposed to flood him with opiates. He needs his head clear for what comes next.

He remembers waking in the dark, every inch of him either burning or frighteningly numb, and seeing the face of the agent who carried him out; he remembers the man stripping off his sportscoat and dropping it around his shoulders, and he remembers being sure that no one would ever touch him again without wanting to hurt him, that he had been freezing and the jacket hadn’t even really helped, the cold was in his bones, blood loss probably, but the fact that this stranger had wanted to let him cover himself had made him cry when he’d thought he was done crying for good.

He could kind of use that jacket now, actually; some of the wounds that need dressing what seems like every hour are in places Art doesn’t want strangers touching even when he knows when he’ll next be able to shit without bleeding. The nurses are largely women and therefore apologetic and gentle about it, but the doctors don’t even always ask first, and one of them tried to move Art’s legs apart when he was half asleep and Art kicked him in the face, despite the immediate disabling pain in his broken hip. He isn’t sorry, but he won’t do it again; they pumped him full of sedatives afterward and he spent the rest of the day grinding against the fog in his brain, knowing he should be panicking, which is not all that much better than actually panicking, for the record.

None of that is why he isn’t asking for more pain meds, or at least not all of why. He needs his head clear because he’s heard from one of the nurses, who seems like she thought she was comforting him, that the whole Coven is going on trial, on charges starting at attempted murder and building from there, and that’s not fucking acceptable. He’s not that invested in the girls, though he’ll put in a good word for them if he gets the chance; he doesn’t feel too bad about that, given that he essentially didn’t meet them until they were cutting him open. But Karim isn’t going from nine years in a cult straight to a prison, thank you very much. He’ll bust him out himself if he has to, but they aren’t actually sure he’s ever going to walk again, so it’ll be more expedient to keep him from getting locked up in the first place.

The agent who found him, Simon, seems cut up and unsettled by his condition, at least as far as Art remembers--he’d been pretty out of it when he saw him again. Art’s sorry about that, and sorry he apparently got shoulder-shot during the dramatic rescue, too, presumably because his arms were too full of what was left of Art to draw his gun; but he isn’t too sorry to exploit that a little, if he can. He’s ready to spin the story, leave out Karim’s initial promise to kill him, since he knows what it would sound like to someone who didn’t know him before, and leave in all the parts where Karim saved his life over and over and is the reason he isn’t taking the current opportunity to overdose on opiates like he could so easily do right now.

It is fucking ironic, obviously, how close he came to dying just about the second he didn’t want to anymore.

The door to his room opens, and he looks up, hoping it’s Simon Blake and not any doctors holding needles, and then he stares, because it isn’t either of those, it’s the creepiest-looking woman he’s ever seen. She’s probably mid-thirties, and her hair is a thin side-shaved mess of curls so pale as to be almost translucent, showing the pale pink of her scalp underneath. She’s wearing dark glasses even indoors— though he can’t fault her for that; the fluorescents are murder on his eyes too— and a pantsuit, though she seems to be wearing combat boots underneath.

The woman leans in the doorway and looks at him over her glasses. Her eyes are a fairly unsettling shade of violet. “Morning, starshine,” she says dryly. “You lucid, or just awake?”

Art closes his eyes to settle into the pain, and then sits up a little. It’s bad, his hip and ass both screaming in different voices, but it’s doable. “I’m lucid. Are you with the FBI?”

The woman eyes him, maybe with curiosity. “Rona Cowl,” she says with a nod. “Blake’s my partner.” When she speaks, Art feels with a shiver down his spine that there’s something off about her teeth, but he shoves the feeling away.

“You helped carry me out, then,” he says. He folds the hand he can move in his lap and looks at her steadily. “Thank you.”

Rona Cowl narrows her eyes at him, though he can’t think of anything he can have done wrong. He forces himself to stay still and not visibly go on the defensive.

“You are lucid,” she says slowly, moving to sit in one of the chairs beside the bed. Rona Cowl looks at him, and then she reaches forward without changing expression and presses two fingers against his dislocated shoulder.

Pain shoots up Art’s arm, and a short wail tears out of his throat before he can smother it.

“Yeah, I thought so. I’m calling the nurse to get you more painkillers.” She starts to get up.

“Don’t,” Art says, and she stops, surprised. He takes a moment to catch his breath, letting the pain settle back into a dull ache. When he’s sure he’ll be able to see, he lifts his head and glares at her.

“I don’t need them. I need to talk to Agent Blake.”

Rona Cowl raises an eyebrow, and waits for him to go on. Art considers her. He doesn’t feel like he has a good enough handle on who this woman is to know what tack to use— but if she tells the nurses to dose him, they will, and he deeply does not want that. He’s got to try something.

“I want to tell someone what really happened. I want to make sure the FBI understands. So they don’t hurt people who have already been hurt enough.”

Rona Cowl looks at him for a long time, her violet eyes slightly narrowed. “You mean Karim Mun,” she says finally, which could be good or very bad. He feels his free hand clench, and forces it to relax, nods once, keeping his face blank.

“Karim never hurt me. He saved my life. I don’t want him to go to court until I’ve made that clear.” He makes sure his voice is calm and unmodulated; he knows emotion will make him easier to dismiss.

“I hear you’ve been asking to see him,” Rona Cowl says, and she raises an eyebrow again, so it might be a trap, but Art feels his heart clench in his chest.

“Yes,” he says, and it comes out husky and desperate, so he takes a breath to let his pulse slow again. “Yes,” he says again, more calmly. “He was held by Micah far longer than I was. I want to know for sure that he’s alright.”

Rona squints at him. She must be albino, he thinks, and he’s read that albinism causes vision problems. It sure feels like she can see him, though. Then her face clears, though she still has that dangerous tilt to her brows.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she says mildly, and clicks out of the room.

----

It’s— all very complicated. And a distraction from what Rona really meant to do, which is ask him about his father. Though she’s certainly ignoring her own advice now, and getting distracted from the actual case.

Broadly, Art Lange doesn’t have much to worry about. It’s likely Karim Mun will have a one-on-one meeting with a judge, not a trial, and given he was taken at fifteen and seems to be one of the few cult members who didn’t actually kill anyone on his own, he’s likely to get off without much more than mandatory counselling, which christ knows he’d need anyway.

But this thing with Art Lange’s father changes things, makes everything worse and more suspicious. Rona knows, to some extent, that beating Heinrich Lange Senior is just a welcome distraction from Micah Trent, who has a million more lives tangled up with his, not to mention better lawyers and a squirrely-er brain. It probably doesn’t actually change anything, but knowing Art Lange isn’t just a normal kid who got kidnapped by a cult does make her more suspicious of everyone else involved. It’s possible Art just has the worst luck of any rich kid on the planet, but it’s also possible someone saw vulnerability and pounced on it, and she’s not sure that person would have been Micah.

Which means it’s time to see whether Karim Mun is cleared to walk around or not.

#fbi au #whump #original whump #hospital whump #dislocated hip #aftermath of noncon #refusing medication #domestic abuse whump #confrontation

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