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3am-sadness · 3 years
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FEBRUARY 24, 2021
Well it’s been awhile and i think i’m gonna start up my little journals again. I’m pretty proud of how far i have come considering all that’s been thrown at me along the way. I’m taking a break from school, and i think that’s really gonna be good for me. I’m might go back in the fall and change majors. I’m still not sure what i wanna do with school and work for the rest of my life. i just wanna live more and the moment and travel. I might be getting my own place soon so that’s exciting.
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3am-sadness · 3 years
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Are you alive
barely 😅 why are you asking??
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3am-sadness · 4 years
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look who is back.
Thats right its me. I swear I really get on here when I'm struggling, I’ve noticed. 2020 hasn’t been a great year for anyone lets be honest. Fuck this pandemic. I’m so ready for this to be over and back to my semi normal life. I’m really struggling in college rn. I feel stuck. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don't wanna feel stuck or trapped for my whole life. I want to travel and just live freely. But at the same time I want to find the love of my life and have a baby. I am so indecisive. I’m a mess. It is 3am. and I'm thinking about life's per usual at this time. Fuck. I swear why can't it all just come to me and everything will be alright in this world. I really wanna be happy but I keep coming back to the night in November of 2015. No, I don't blame that night for the way I am but I would be lying if I didn't say it did contribute. I was fucked up before that, but it just made me worse. It like I was destine to be this way. It seems no matter what I try to do, I just end up at step 1. I wonder “what if” too much. Im gonna sign off for now before I get way into my feels than I already am. goodnight. 
ps future me... when you see this just know everything is gonna be alright and we made it this far. no matter how hard times get, just keep pushing forward. you can do this. im proud of you always. ♡
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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BITCH WE OUT HERE TAKIN OUR
M E D S
AND DRINKIN THAT UHHHH
W A T E R
Still havent showered but bitch
WE’LL GET THERE
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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it’s time people understand this
AND DON’T
FUCKING
TELL PEOPLE
THAT THEY’RE NOT TRYING
BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW IF THEY’RE TRYING OR NOT
JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LIVE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT TRYING
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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why is this actually me sksksks
me, decomposing on my bed: sending you all good vibes :)
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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all i want is a fucking car so i can escape from here.😪 i’m tired of being trapped and having not get away or sweet escape.
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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Rant 1 of the day
i’m so fucking tired of ungrateful people. like get over yourself. grow up, how old are you? This is about my mother. She fucking treats the rest of us like crap but treats my one sister like a goddess. if anything my one sister is the worst of us and my mom acts like she does nothing wrong. She expects me and my sister to be the perfect children and if we don’t do something how she likes, we are traitors and don’t love her. How the fuck are you gonna complain about your daughter not buying you this or fixing this when for 1. she tried to do all of that and you said no and for 2. YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO THAT STUFF FUCKING MAKE YOUR HUSBAND AND QUIT FUCKING WASTING MONEY. It’s that simple. Sometimes I think she doesn’t want to fix anything around the house because then she won’t be able to bitch about it.
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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C,
Last night I went to the place where I first found out about you and i haven’t been there since that night. 3 years and 3 months exactly. It was a little overwhelming but I think I handled it well. I’m doing better I think but I still miss you every single day. No matter what I am always going to love you. You were the love of my life and always will be.
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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February 17th
i thought i posted one yesterday but it didn’t post. oops
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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February 15th
man i am really bad at keeping this journal thing going sksk.. i will try to pick it up the best i can. school has been shitty i swear i’m failing every class and it doesn’t help that i skipped most of this week😂 someone message me some study tips or something? because i need them
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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January 4
well it’s already the fourth day of january and i miss the other two journals lol oops
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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January 1st
i’m gonna start this new thing where everyday i post how my day went and what all happened. I think this will be a good long journey... hopefully i do it everyday.
So for today, nothing much has happened, kinda boring. I go back to school in 2 days *yuck* which is gonna suck because my sleep schedule is a little fucked up and i think everyone can agree to that, am i right? But overall today is just kinda a slow boring day so that’s all for today.
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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i know no one probably sees my stuff but hey it’s an outlet for me to release all my emotions right?😂
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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Dear C,
it’s 2019.. another year without you. this year is gonna be different... i’m not gonna mope around and be upset about you not being here, instead this year i change my outlook on life. “things happen for a reason” they say so though i can’t change what happen, i can change the situation. you are here with me and i know it. so now we walk into 2019 together with many, many adventures ahead of us. and yes i definitely know there is going to be ups and downs but we’ll get through them.
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3am-sadness · 5 years
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2019
the year for a new positive outlook.
this is YOUR year and don’t let no one take that from you.
congratulations for making it to 2019, i’m so proud of everyone that did. and for those who didn’t, i’m so sorry for whatever happened, you were loved and always will be.
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3am-sadness · 6 years
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all i want with you, S.
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