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Virgil: People who celebrate holidays based on numbers are annoying, pass it on.
Logan: Fuck you and happy Pi day everyone.
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Virgil: I wish Logan would pick up on my hints.
Roman: What hints?
Virgil: I think about him a lot and sometimes I even think about talking to him.
Roman: Virge, buddy, thinking really hard about Logan will not magically turn him into your boyfriend.
Virgil: Maybe I should keep trying though...
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Logan: How do you rate your pain?
Roman: Zero stars.
Logan:
Roman: Would not recommend
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Janus: Well this is all a bit unfortunate, isn’t it?
Virgil: I’m pretty sure being framed for murder and threatened with the death penalty counts as more than just ‘Unfortunate’.
Janus: Only if their little farce is successful. Which it won't be.
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Remus: If you want my advice...
Virgil: No offense, but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your boyfriend. Multiple times.
Remus: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, Janus also tried to kill me.
Janus: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.
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Janus: I want you all to come to my funeral and give wildly conflicting accounts of my life. I want nothing more than to be shrouded in a confusing mesh of myth and fact.
Janus: You can pick whichever one you want to do, but a couple of you better be spinning some tales or I will come back to haunt you.
Remus, already writing some wild stories in his journal: I won't let you down.
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Remus: Can I sit here?
Logan: This is my lap.
Remus: That doesn't answer my question!
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Patton: I'm completely certain that it's totally normal to look at Logan and immediately just want to smile with your whole body.
Virgil: Patton, that is, and I cannot emphasize this enough, not fucking normal.
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Virgil: *staring out the window while it’s raining*
Roman: Patton! He’s brooding again!
Patton, spraying Virgil with water: Bad Anxiety! We’ve talked about this!
Virgil: *hisses*
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Patton: Hey Roman, how are you?
Roman: *doesn't know if he wants to say good or okay*
Roman: I'm gay.
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Remus: I get really offended when people tell me I’m going to hell for being gay because I feel like they’re overlooking all the perfectly valid reasons I’m going to hell.
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Virgil: So, you like cats?
Patton: Yep!
Virgil: *tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Roman, bursting into the room angrily: You two are having sex!
Janus, not looking up from their book: Really? Virgil, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.
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Roman: You know, body parts are often used as metaphors.
Roman: For example, guts are courage.
Virgil: The spine is also courage.
Remus: Balls are also courage.
Patton: You can shoulder a burden.
Janus: And toes are small pigs that participate in the market economy.
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Remus: Oh, hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Virgil: Maybe we would, if you would STOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!
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Remus: This date is boring!
Logan: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Remus: Then why did you invite me?
Logan: I didn't. I specifically instructed you not to come with me and you said, "Fuck you, Logan. I'll do whatever I want!"
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Virgil: Based on statistical evidence, I think that Remus is immortal.
Logan: Why?
Virgil: He hasn't died yet.
Logan: That's not how that works.
Virgil: Have you seen the shit that bastard does? He just won't die.
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