Logan: I have a lot of books. History books, even some fantasy books. Hell, I’ll have some random books like the formation of lightning penguins-
Patton: LIGHTNING PENGUINS?! :D
Logan: Sorry, I meant books on the formation of lightning and penguins-
Patton: OMG LIGHTNING PENGUINS! They’d be so cute with their little Pikachu markings and gosh I’d want to hug some lightning penguins if they couldn’t shock me-
Janus: *wakes up feeling like a Disney princess*
Janus: *opens the curtains, singing*
*the snakes come slithering in*
Janus: Oh my, thank you for coming!
Snakes: *help clean the house*
Janus: *leads sneks in entereage of lovely hissing*
Virgil: WHAT THE FUH-
Logan: You’re being attacked
Aisha: Hey, Samantha. Has Olaf found you yet?
Janus: What are you talking ab- ooohhh.
Aisha: Salutations, Madonna. Can you sing Papa Don’t Preach for me?
Janus: You were literally there during my name reveal-
Aisha: I don’t recall.
Aisha: Hello, Gerard Grey. Can you please compose some commentary music?
Janus: I give up.
Patton: I’m having a child!
Virgil: Oh, congrats
Patton: It’s you!
Patton: Sign here!
Remus: Here’s the thing, though. Is it still a murder if I give them a heads up?
Patton: I think that’s called a threat.
Logan: honestly what are the odd for the lightning to strike into the lamppost we’re standing next to?
Virgil: *sigh* You, Logan… You are the odd…
Nah, keep it in the bathroom. It’s better there.
Roman: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Remus, eating yet another stick of deodorant:
Janus: What isn’t wrong with him is the shorter list.
Virgil: I accidentally almost dropped my phone onto the soft carpet, but luckily my amazing reflexes kicked in and I smacked it right into the wall
Virgil: They always say ‘you are gay’ and never 'how is gay’
Virgil: “My phone fell down the side of the bed that’s against the wall and I had to crawl under the bed from the other side to get it. My head hit the wood base of my bed and I started sobbing slightly.”
Logan: “Are you alr-”
Virgil: “I am the monster now”
As experienced and shared by @star-crossed-shipper
Remus: Don’t worry! Locks are my speciality!
Remus: *throws a brick through the door*
Aisha: Hey, Logan. If you don’t mind me asking, how are you so pyschically strong?
Logan: Everytime I’m ignored, I do one push up.
Aisha: Sweetie, is there anyone you would like me to talk to-
Virgil: *texting the groupchat* If I fall asleep on this counter Im gonna be so pissed
Roman: *bursts into the room* wHAT
Roman: Welcome, dear traveler!
Virgil: What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Virgil: Why the fuck are u playing dress up.
Roman: …e-excuse me…?
Virgil: You heard me.
Virgil: AND DID U SHAVE YOUR MUSTACHE??!!
*on the other side of the kingdom*
Remus, wiggling his mustache: Someone’s talking about me.
Janus: How do u know?
Remus: My mustache senses are tingling.
Remus: shots fired.
Virgil: I don’t fire shots, I launch them like particularly effective ballistics from a cannon.
Remus: why would anyone want a penis enlarger?
Logan, dead pan: needs must as the devil drives.
Janus, as the podcast plays: welcome to nightvale.
Logan: aaand we’re quoting it now, I give us three weeks before it’s all he talks about.
Patton, holding a cat: you’re a magic cat, you won’t hurt me, you’ll win a war.
Logan: aren’t you allergic?
Patton: it’s a magic cat Logan, it can’t hurt me.
Roman: I haven’t been listening to music class, I was buried in Gay podcasts.
Virgil: mood but I was relying on you for answers.
Roman: Hi, I’m gay.
Patton: Hi Gay, I’m dad.
Logan: Hi dad, I’m tired of this shit.
Roman: YOU ARE A CORRUPT BASTARD!
Janus: I’m not a politician.
Remus: this drink is cherry Pepsi, raspberry Pepsi, Limeade, Lemonade and apple juice.
Janus, internally: 🎵dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die 🎵
Logan: the only thing he managed to graduate from is Preschool, and even that’s debatable.
Virgil: ah yes, tumblr, the only place weirder than my house.
Remus: your house needs to try harder.