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kirikinni · 4 years

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Attention | Bakugou x Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend’s a pro hero and saving the world is great and all but would it kill him to pay a little attention to you?

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Fem! Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Themes: NSFW, Dominance, degradation, overstimulation, rough sex, aftercare, cuddles

Warning: rough sex, degradation

You were going to kill him, maybe dye his hair in his sleep, make him sleep out in the couch, you didn’t know what yet but you were going to kill your boyfriend. This was the third night in a row where he’s been late, third night that you’ve pushed date night so he could finish patrol and get home. Of course you understood, he was a hero, he had a lot of strive and work towards but god dammit could he be on time for date night at least once.

You were viciously scrubbing at the kitchen counter, you huffed, what a cliché, cleaning when angry but it was the only thing you could to not break something. It wasn’t like you weren’t fuming now but god did you want to punch something, you smelt smoke and when you looked down realized your hands had lit up on accident. Your quirk always did react to your emotions. You tossed the rag into the sink and stalked to the bedroom, slammed the door close and climbed under the covers. It was nearly 10pm and you for one had work in the morning, he could come home to a dark house see if you cared.

When the front door finally clicked open and the lights in the hall switched on you where still wide awake, as much as you hated to admit it you couldn’t sleep unless he was there. He kept the night terrors at bay and made you feel safe and ever since the two of you started sleeping together without his hands wrapped tight around you, you couldn’t get to sleep. You watched the shadows move around quietly in the other room, heard the microwave pop open and a small gasp at the lack of food inside. You smirked to yourself, “ha bet you thought I would cook again.” You whispered to yourself in the dark. The door to your bedroom clicked open and you heard footsteps come closer and squeezed your eyes shut.

“Princess I know you’re not asleep.”

You didn’t respond, just tried to regulate your breathing enough so that he wouldn’t notice.

“Y/n”

“C’mon baby don’t be mad, I’ll make it up to you.”

You cracked a single eye open at his words and sneered, how many times had you heard the same thing before. Over and over, the same excuse and the same reasoning but he never really did. It had been weeks since he even touched you!

“Fuck off.”

He laughed and pulled the covers off, making you sit up so your legs where hanging off the bed, “C’mon baby don’t be like that.”

“Where were you?”

“Ah I’m sorry, there was a robbery and I-” he started but you cut her off.

“And you just had to, you always fucking have to Bakugou. I’m sick of it. Don’t I have any importance to you? You always fucking have to, acting like there’s no one else who can cover for you.” You said, breaking out the last name like you do only when you get mad. The anger and hurt spilled into your voice as you spoke.

He sighed deeply and placed her hands on your thighs, “I know baby, I’m sorry. I just… it’s so fucking hard trying to be number one, there’s so much more than busting heads but I know it’s no excuse. Let me make it up to you please?” He pleaded, rubbing circles into your bare thighs.

“Better be good.” You muttered, eyeing the hand on your leg. Sure it could have just been there for some comfort but you knew your boyfriend and you knew just how much of a horny bastard he could be.

“When am I not princess?” Bakugou asked and smirked up at you, he pushed his hands higher up on your legs until they where inches away from your panties. Bakugou smiled at the sight of your thighs instinctively trying to close but he held them upon, “Mm no can do baby, you wanted me to make it up to you now let me.” He said and pushed you down onto your back.

Bakugou spread your thighs using his hands and licked a long stripe up the inside of your left thigh all the way to the ends of your panties, he blew softly at your core and felt your legs shudder ever so slightly. He placed the tip of his tongue against your clothed cunt and pressed down, the heat from his tongue rolling into your body. It had been weeks and your body was craving release, it was craving him inside you. You had been feeling empty, like some purpose deep inside you wasn’t being met and it was driving you crazy but it was nothing compared to how the slow teasing was making you feel.

You pressed your body against his mouth and felt him laugh against you, his grip on your thighs tightened as his tongue poked through covered by the cloth of your underwear. You could barely feel the wetness and you where about to snap if he didn’t just take the damn thing off, “Katsuki stop playing.” You growled out, getting more and more frustrated with every passing second.

He laughed again before pulling the panties off and throwing them off to the side, “as the princess wants.” He said before plunging into your wet core again. His tongue swiped over your opening making you shudder violently, he held your legs wide open so he could have easy access and let his tongue venture to where he had coined your clit to be. From the sharp intake of breath he knew he had yet again hit the right spot and he began his games. His tongue moved in small circular motions, sucking lightly with just enough pressure to tease you but nothing to his full capacity. You found yourself pushing yourself further against his body as though if you could get closer you could get some more of a release but to no avail, he was far too strong. Hell he was a pro hero for gods sake and you were a teacher.

He slipped his tongue inside your slit after a few whines and threats that made their way out of you, none sounding very convincing considering how breathless you where under his touches. “Suki nngh” you moaned out his name as his tongue found areas of you, you often couldn’t with your own fingers. Somehow, somewhere along the road he had perfected the art of eating you out and now could get you to the point of unravel within minutes. He flicked his tongue in and out a few times, blowing air as he did so, feeling your wetness increase in his mouth until the salty taste of pre cum was on his lips. He removed his tongue from inside you and stood up.

“No what?” you whined at the sudden emptiness but bit back the rest of your words as you watched him peel off his t-shirt and jeans. No matter how long it’s been the sight of Katsuki’s body always left you breathless. It was chiseled to perfection with how often he worked out and how much stamina his job required it was obvious this would be the case but it still knocked you out everytime. He climbed on top of you, one leg in between your thighs pressed deep against your cunt.

“So needy princess, did you miss me?” he asked, his voice deep and gruff as he whispered in your ear.

“Y-yes.” You stuttered out at the sudden feeling of his muscled thigh pressed against you.

“Yes what baby?”

“Yes sir, I missed you.” You whispered.

He growled into your ear and brought his hand to your stomach, pushing it under your T-shirt and tracing shapes into your body. Bakugou moved his leg slightly just enough that you gasped again as his lips found yours. Within seconds his tongue had invaded your mouth and was pressed against your own as he sucked and nibbled on your tongue and lips. Bakugou kissed the way he fought, rough and aggressive and you could never get enough of it.

He dragged the hand on your stomach down to your exposed cunt and played with your opening, teasing you, drinking in your moans as they spilled out of your mouth. He slipped a single finger inside and the sudden pressure had you squirming, his fingers where long and thick equaling two of yours easily. He curved it upwards and started pressing them into you, moving it back and forth as his other hand was pressed down beside your head to keep him steady.

“Katsu please.” You begged, bucking your hips higher wanting more. He only chuckled in response, feeling the vibrations from his laugh in your throat your hands clenched weakly on the bedsheets and all of a sudden two more fingers found their way inside you. Three of his digits where slowly fucking you, reaching deep inside and pulling out what you so desperately needed. Your hands tightened against the sheets and you felt your nails pierce through the thin material at how hard you had it twisted in your palms.

Bakugou had always fucked you vigorously with a viciousness that could rival wild animals but recently he had been toying with you, every time you had sex he would bring you right to the edge by playing with your body until you cried for him to let you release and then he begin his merciless routine of fucking into you until you couldn’t move or speak. Until your mind was filled with nothing but thoughts of him, as if his cock had reached all the way to your brain.

Bakugou continued his actions, letting go of your mouth and moving his mouth down to your neck, biting along his favorite places. The sides of your neck where you couldn’t cover with your clothes and your short hair couldn’t reach. Bakugou loved it, he loved seeing the remnants of his time with you, the bruises and bite marks. They drove him crazy, he was possessive in an almost carnal manner.

He sucked and pulled at the soft skin on your neck making you stretch your neck out, begging him to do more, to devour you whole. Bakugou’s fingers combined with the skillful way in which he took to your skin was too much already, you could feel the heat inside growing almost ready to snap and when his thumb came in contact with your clit you nearly jumped.

“Don’t move princess, I’m not nearly done with you just yet.” Bakugou growled into your neck, his voice barely above a whisper, it sent shivers down your spine. He rubbed circles into your clit, pressing down just hard enough to make you arch your back upward.

“Please Katsu, please please fuck…” you began, the curses leaving your mouth all muddled together as he bit your collar bone. Always a weak point for you, he swiped his tongue over the area and suckled bruises all across it. His fingers worked simultaneously ruining you inside out and then he stopped.

Your breath caught in your throat when all of a sudden his fingers where no longer inside you and his mouth had been removed from your body. You glares up at the blonde in complete disbelief that he would leave you like that for the second time but one look in Bakugou’s red eyes, clouded over with lust and you knew you were in trouble. You gulped as he pulled you closer to him, “Take this off. Now.” He said and you didn’t need to be told twice. You ripped off the t-shirt and threw it off to the side, sitting up now with your hands pressed down behind you for support.

Bakugou kneeled down again and took your lips in his, his hands gliding up from your dripping pussy to your breasts. He took them in his hands and started rolling them between his fingers, the slick from your pussy pressing against your nipples had your head tossed back in anticipation when he grabbed your hips and flipped you over.

He pulled you upward so your ass was up in the air and pressed against him, he twisted a fist into your hair and pulled upward so you where all bent out of shape on the bed before rubbing his already hard cock over your pussy. Bakugou was still clothed and you had to bite your lip to stop from demanding that he take it already. You would be punished and not in the way you wanted if you ran your mouth right now so you shut up and let him do as he pleased.

Bakugou rubbed against you and when you pushed back against him he laughed cruelly, “so greedy for my cock huh princess? My little cockslut needs her master so fucking bad doesn’t she?” he taunted and slapped her ass making her squeal, “C’mon baby make some more noise for me, I love the way you sound when I'm using you. Show me how much you want me.” He said and slapped you again.

You could have cried with how close you were, you were just about to explode but you knew he was only getting started. He took his cock out of his boxers and pumped it a few times and when you heard the sound of his hand slapping against his base you really did tear up at the thought of getting fucked senseless by him and that’s when everything went black and your eyes rolled back into your head.

Bakugou slammed his cock inside you, wrapping an arm around your stomach for support and another gripping your hair so tight your thought he would tear off your hair. He pushed it deep inside until you where sure it was settled nicely in your guts. “M-move please.” You groaned, barely able to get the words out with the pressure in your core. You were going to cum and he was going to get angry but you couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Katsu fuck.” You moaned out as you emptied out around his cock and clenched making him gasp.

“Little whore you can never hold back can you? Stupid little slut.” He said and tugged on your hair tight.

He pulled out just far enough before slamming back into you again, you hadn’t even finished cumming when he started to fuck into you at an unholy pace, using your cunt as if it were a toy, as if you were a toy.

“So tight for your master,” he said his own dick was twitching inside you as you clenched your walls tight while he fucked deep inside you. He moaned as he hit your walls and the vibrations went shooting through his body, the sounds that left his mouth where akin to professional porn stars and it drove you up the wall.

“Bakugou, nnggh master please harder harder.” You begged him, wanting him to destroy you.

Bakugou spanked you again, hard, his hands lighting up with his quirk just enough to add to the pressure but not that it would actually hurt you for long term, “Greedy. Fucking. Slut.” He groaned, each word coming out on their own but he sped up and pressed into your harder. He was balls deep inside you, he pushed your face into the pillow so hard you thought where going to suffocate for sure but you didn’t care. If you died with your boyfriend balls deep inside you and his hand wrapped in your hair you’d go happily.

Bakugou thrusted inside you a few more time and you thought he was done, he was slowing down until he brought his hand down to your cunt and started his games with your clit again. Bakugou pressed hard against it as he fucked his cock inside you and you screamed. Really screamed this time at the at the pressure against your sensitive clit.

“That’s right baby, scream my name. You know how to be a good little pet.” He growled and pulled you up using your hair so your body was pushed against him. He thrusted into you a few more times before he felt his own hips buck so he pulled out and flipped you around, “How you doing princess? Can you cum for me again?” Bakugou asked before lining his cock up with you again. You nodded weakly, next to no strength left in your body but that was enough for him as he pushed himself back inside you chasing his high. You dug your nails into his thighs as he bottomed out inside you, this only seemed to push him further.

Bakugou’s thrusts became sharper and quicker as you felt him release into you, your nails scratching down his thighs as you felt his warm release fill you up. You gave up any effort you were using to be quiet as you moaned his name loudly, begging him to keep fucking you until you finished. Bakuou didn’t oblige.

Once he had released his load he pulled out and bent down, “Hush princess, don’t complain let me take care of you.” He said and attached his mouth to you again, “I want to taste what’s mine.” He murmured against your soaking wet cunt as his tongue took over your clit and you were seeing stars in no time.

Barely even a minute passed of his tongue slipping inside you again when you were pressing your hips down and your hands found their way into his hair, “Katsuki, fuck Katsuki I’m cumming.” You groaned, finding a steady grip in his blonde hair.

He smiled against your cunt and moved his tongue faster, adding a finger inside you just for good measure until you came for the second time inside his mouth and he lapped it all up. Bakugou Katsuki was no bitch and he would swallow every bit of what he owned. Once you where done he came back up and piled you up in his arms, pulling you onto his lap so he could kiss you proper.

The taste of both your juices mixed together on his tongue was transferred to yours as he sucked on your tongue and his hands massaged your ass that was no doubt red and bruised already. When he detached from your lips you whined a little but placed your head on his chest, feeling the heat coming off his body combine with yours.

“You okay baby?”

“Mhm.” You muttered, closing your eyes as he held you tight against him.

He chuckled and stood up, carrying you off the bed to the couch in your bedroom. He placed you down gently and kissed your forehead, passing you the water bottle you always kept on your bedside and disappeared into the washroom to get a washcloth to clean you up.

Bakugou stripped the bedsheets and put on new ones once he was done wiping himself and you down and carried you back to bed, pulling on a new pair of boxers and putting on shorts and one of his shirts on you. He wrapped you up in his arms, pulling you close to him so that your head was laid on his chest and he could run his hands through your hair. Slowly massaging it to make up for all the pulling he had done earlier.

“Still mad.” You mumbled against his chest as you fought against the instinct to sleep and your eyes fluttered close.

“Okay dumbass, I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow. Now sleep.” Bakugou replied, a low laugh leaving his mouth as he continued playing with your hair. He watched you in silence until your breathing evened out and he was sure you were asleep.

Bakugou Katsuki did not sleep until you did but you didn’t need to know that.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #bakugou nsfw #mha nsfw #bnha #bnha nsfw #dom! bakugou #bakugou katsuki x reader #degradation #aftercare #titles #bakugou fucks like he fights #ofc i had to write porn

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kirikinni · 4 years

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bnha shoved me head first into writing fanfic again so here we go

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kirikinni · 4 years

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Will You Still Be Here? | krbk

Summary: High school relationships never last but sometimes there really is only one person for you.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Kirishima Eijirou

Word Count: 11k

Themes: no quirks, normal world au, kiribaku break up, slight nsfw themes

Warning: depression, hinting to abusive relationships, mental health, slight nsfw but like if you squint.

Kirishima Eijirou has always given more than he gets, he has always been the one to pick up calls at three in the morning or stay overnight to make sure they’re okay. Kirishima Eijirou has always been an empath and his mother told him a long time ago that that very thing would back to bite him in the ass. High school was fun, he made friends, scored decently in his classes and got into all the trouble he possibly could have. In high school he met Bakugou Katsuki, in high school he met the love of his life. It was in high school where Kirishima felt like the world was right and the pieces finally connected, it was in high school when Kirishima Eijirou finally felt like he had everything he needed and then all of a sudden he didn’t.

It was a fight here and there at first, they would argue about where to eat or about Bakugou’s anger issues but they would always make up. The two boys would always make up before long and would be seen together soon enough. In the beginning it was a broken pencil or a word that stung a little more than necessary but they would always apologize and they would be in each others arms again. In the beginning it was a hole punched in Kirishima’s bedroom wall and refusal to get help. In the beginning it was name calling and ignoring the signs until that was all it was.

Bakugou Katsuki was damaged, Kirishima knew this when they became friends, he knew this when he started to fall for his friend, he knew this when he finally asked Bakugou out and he knew this when he said ‘I love you’ and he believed that it was nothing he couldn’t fix. Kirishima Eijirou was going to help his boyfriend, he was going to fix his problems and help him become confident and whole again. He was going to love him and support him until that happened but people have limits.

Children have limits and Kirishima found his months before graduation during after school club activities.

“Katsuki hold on.” Kirishima called out as he jogged after his boyfriend. Katsuki had lost a game of dodgeball, being struck out by none other than Izuku Midoriya and that definitely struck a nerve. Midoriya and Bakugou had never really been the best of friends, they’ve known each other forever but he never liked the other boy. Bakugou thought Midoriya was making fun of him, thought that Midoriya was weak and child like for clinging to Bakugou like he did. Kirishima knew it wasn’t any of that and instead just Bakugou projecting his emotions onto the one person who never gave up on him.

“What shitty hair?” He asked, gritting his teeth together. He could not get angry at his boyfriend, he could not angry at someone else and take it out on his boyfriend, he was not going to make Kirishima upset. Bakugou repeated those words like a mantra in his head, ever since he had accidentally blown up on Kirishima and made him cry he had been trying to get control over his anger. To try and not hurt the people he loves because he was too afraid to accept love and support. “What?” he asked again, softer this time. Making a conscious effort to not redirect his anger.

“What happened baby? It’s just a game, remember we talked about this? We talked about not getting so blown up over such small things, you don’t have to be number one at everything. You’re already acing most of the classes, you’re the captain of both the football and basketball teams, the band is due to play next week at the café. Things are going good. You are winning, at the important stuff. This doesn’t matter.” He said softly, trying to remind Bakugou of all the good in his life trying to bring him down from his explosive high.

“You don’t fucking understand.” He said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. He was not going to get angry, he was not going to scream at his boyfriend.

“Katsu, I do. I get it baby, you need to win but this is silly. This isn’t something you need to win, there’s so much else you can focus on. So much else for you to be passionate about.” He said trying again, Kirishima did not in that minute realize how far he was pushing Bakugou and unbeknownst to him the end of his happy ending was nearing.

“Kiri stop.” He said, feeling the rage climb through his body like a monster taking over. As if the emotion boiled in the very pit on his stomach and it climbed all the way through his body, engulfing him in flames and covering his vision. His anger, his insecurities, his fears all of it spread like a wildfire in a forest with no regard for what it burns or who it kills.

“Katsuki listen to me. There is so much more than this competition you have, there is so much more than this silly fire you have to beat everyone at everything. You are killing yourself, you are hurting everyone around you because you refuse to understand that this is pointless. This feud with Midoriya, this need to be number one at everything, this anger that makes you who you aren’t. It’s pointless and I need you to understand that.” He said and waited. Bakugou’s eyes were downcast, they refused to meet Kirishima but when he finally did there was nothing but malice. Nothing but a fire that burned so bright Kirishima knew he was about to get burnt.

“You wouldn’t fucking understand, you’re okay with being the underdog. You’re okay with being second best, hell you’re okay not even being in the running. You have no fire or passion so you wouldn’t fucking understand. There’s more? There’s so much more? What’s there huh? You? Are you more? You’re delusional and pathetic and you’re stopping me from reaching what I need to reach.” He spat out, his words laced with poison, teeth bared but voice nothing above a whisper. The same decibel at which he would sing ‘I love you’s’.

“Apologize.” Kirishima spoke, his eyes brimming with hot tears, his fists balled up as though he was going to punch his boyfriend. As though he was going to finally throw a punch back but no, his fists were closed to stop the tears from falling. His fists where closed because he hoped the pain from his fingernails puncturing his skin would be enough to dull the knives that where tore at his heart.

He waited, he stood in silence and waited for the apology to come but nothing did. The silence was somehow worse and he did something he never thought he could, he pushed Bakugou to the ground, hands wrapped around his shirt collar. “APOLOGIZE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.” He screamed at the boy and pulled his face up close, as close as he would hold it when they kissed.

Kirishima was pulled off the other boy by his friends, he was dragged off the boy he thought loved him. He was dragged off and his friends felt the heat of his tears fall on their hands, they knew what this meant and the end had come sooner than any of them had expected.

It had been years since the incident, years since Bakugou Katsuki ripped Kirishima’s heart out and chewed it up. Five years to be exact, Kirishima had gotten his business degree and was now working at a company in Tokyo. Still young, still new to his job he lived in a one bedroom apartment with hopes that life will take off one day. He lived most of his days without sparing his past flame a thought but there would be a song on the radio or a meal made in a specific way and he would come crashing down on his kitchen floor and waves of sadness would hit him. He would lay still, bunched up with his knees pressed against his chest as the tears flowed until they eventually stopped. He would cry until they washed away the memories of his touch and his smell and his loving words and all that was left would be the day they broke.

The tears would wash away the good and remind him of the pain and the broken pencils and the constant competition. He would be left with the memory of an empty watering can, gathering rust in the corners, an empty watering can that he has since not been able to fill.

“Kiri you wanna get dinner after work?” His friend asked as he leaned over his own cubicle.

“Sure Kams, where’d you have in mind?” Kirishima asked, not turning his eyes away from the spreadsheet he was editing.

“There’s this new restaurant, opened last week and they have live music. The singers supposed to be really good.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll come down to your floor when I get off cool?”

“Cool, see you later.”

Kaminari and Kirishima joined the company around the same time, both initially thought they would have to beat out the other for the position but both got in and now they spent quite a bit of time together. Kaminari was the only other real friend Kirishima had, his fiancée Jirou was sweet and they would all hang out together sometimes but they weren’t really friends.

Kirishima was grateful for Kaminari, he didn’t ask for a lot from him only that they hung out every so often and that Kirishima played badminton with him. It was an easy type of friendship, no twists or turns, no unwanted fights or late nights discussing the future. They weren’t children anymore, there was no need to discuss the future because this was it. This was their future, Kaminari and Kirishima would work this job, get promoted and milk it until they can retire, Kaminari would marry Jirou and Kirishima would attend the wedding. Maybe years ahead Kirishima will fall in love again, get married, start a family and he will forever in the shadow of the love he lost, forever with the emptiness of that rusting watering can inside him. This was their future so there was no need to think about it or talk about it.

They simply existed and that was all they really wanted to do.

At around 7:00 pm Kirishima switched off his monitor and stretched in his chair, running his hand through his black hair and loosening his tie. Kirishima had stopped dying his hair two years ago. He had been there longer than he expected but Kaminari had not called or texted so he assumed that he was caught up as well. Kirishima gathered his things, pulled his blazer on and walked away from the only thing that gave his life purpose anymore.

“Busy?” Kirishima asked his friend as he stepped out of the elevator on Kaminari’s floor.

“Ah fuck yeah, just give me ten and I’ll wrap up.” Kaminari said and went back to furiously typing away at his laptop.

Kirishima wordlessly sat beside him in a nearby cubicle and waited for his friend to finish. As he watched Kaminari work he was struck again by the thought of how mundane their lives where. How unbelievably still and steady their lives where and while at one point that might have made him sad now it was a relief. Kirishima, at age twenty three had no energy, nothing left to give and with every passing year he felt the rust settle in deeper, take a tighter hold on his being.

Soon Kaminari was done and they could go, the boys walked together out of their office building and down the street. The cold air of the night blew against their faces but after a year in the city they had been accustomed to it. Kaminari led the way to the restaurant, singing it’s praise the whole way. Kaminari was much more animated than Kirishima, he had the glow of one in love, the glow of one who was still full and Kirishima envied him sometimes but most times he pretended not to notice.

“Hi, table for two please.” Kaminari said the lady at the front. She smiled at the boys and led them to a table a little way from the stage but close enough to see. It looked like an old American speakeasy, complete with the wooden bar and stage for a single performer. It was dull and the lights hung low as men and women bustled around serving food on silver platters. Kirishima wondered for a second what their days where like, whether they too where satisfied with the dull of everyday life but the waitress brought them their menu and the thought left him.

Kirishima had no time or interest in trying to unravel the mysteries of the universe anymore, no want to understand the reasoning behind human behavior. There was a time Kirishima wanted to study psychology, become a therapist, help people grow, give them what they needed but that was before the can dried up.

They ordered their food, Katsudon for Kirishima and a burger for Kaminari, ordered a couple of beers and settled into their seats. Kirishima followed the pattern of asking Kaminari about the wedding prep, Kaminari teased Kirishima for still not having a date. They talked about things that were neither here nor there. Things that mattered and didn’t, things that never really made a difference and then their food came.

The lights near the stage dulled as they ate and Kaminari noted that the singer must have arrived. The two boys turned their heads to the stage and watched, their interest split quite unevenly between the food and the awaited singer.

There was a complete lack of light on the stage and only sounds of scuffling that came from that area for a while as they set up. Kirishima turned his attention back to his food until the first few notes of the song floated past the various heads and silver platters straight through his ears.

“All I want is nothing more to hear you knocking at my door.”

“Kiri stop running you loser!”

“Be faster then asshole.”

“Cause if I could see your face once more I could die as a happy man I’m sure.”

“Hey, you know you’re like the only person I like here.”

“Aw I like you too dumbass.”

“When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside.”

“Hey, I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither…. Want me to tell you a story?”

“I lay in tears in bed all night alone without you by my side.”

“Hey um, I know you said you where busy today but do you wanna go out with me? Like on a date?”

“But if you loved me why’d you leave me?”

“I love you Katsuki.”

“I love you too Eijirou.”

As the song played, as the music continued and the voice, his voice penetrated his ears, swam through his memories and broke open locks, every memory he had washed away with time and tears and alcohol drowned him.

Kirishima locked eyes with the singer, he wasn’t sure if he had recognized him but Kirishima had seen him. Kirishima knew who it was and Kirishima knew what this meant. He wanted to tear his eyes away, to get up and leave, to pretend this never happened and continue with the life he had built but he couldn’t. He was stuck in place, eyes glued to the stage, to the singer.

The song ended and Kirishima watched on in a daze as if he was watching a movie of his own memories. The song ended and the restaurant erupted in cheers for the singer who smiled and stood up to take a bow.

“Ah thank you everyone, I’m sorry it was so sad but this is one of my favorites. A personal song, after all art is always better with emotions isn’t it?” He asked the crowd and they responded with applause. Kirishima didn’t. “Hello everyone, I’ll be your entertainment for tonight and for every night until Shoto kicks me out. My name is Bakugou Katsuki.”

“Katsuki.” Kirishima whispered under his breath the same time as the singer mentioned his name.

Kirishima had walked out of there with his head hung low after dinner, he stayed and watched Bakugou sing. Watched as he smiled and laughed and interacted with the audience, Kirishima was grateful that they were seated away from the stage. Kaminari didn’t seem to notice his discomfort and even if he didn’t he didn’t acknowledge it.

Kirishima was grateful, he didn’t want to get into his history with the singer who’s blonde hair was reflecting the light stage lights. He looked good, looked better, looked happier and it stung. It pierced through Kirishima that he looked happier while he was still here breaking down from waves of nostalgia and sadness every time he smelled fresh acrylic paints.

Once they finished their meal Kaminari wanted to stay and compliment the singer and chef but Kirishima dished out the excuse he had been working on all night and squirrelled his way out of the restaurant. On the walk back home Kirishima’s heart pounded so loud he felt like there was a marching band following him all the way back to his apartment. He couldn’t stop the wave of memories that took over his mind, the feeling of Bakugou’s hands in his, his legs wrapped around his waist, the heat of his breath against his neck, the soft skin under his lips when they were alone.

It was too much, the memories they beat against him like a sudden downpour, like a storm he had not paid attention to but had grown nevertheless. The smell of Bakugou cooking snacks for them after school, the sound of his loud and thunderous laughter that ricocheted off the walls of his room, the feeling of his soft touches and hot tears after a fight. His touch, his smell, everything about him had engulfed Kirishima’s life once more and it was surrounding him.

Bakugou Katsuki was drowning him all over again.

When Kirishima woke up the next morning he woke up on the floor of his apartment, inches away from his bedroom door, his work clothes still on and his tie discarded in another corner of the room. He looked around in a daze and noticed the mess he had made, how he had trashed his own home because of someone who he knew in what seemed like a different life from now. His kitchen was a mess, the dishes where scattered on the counter and it smelt like he had burnt whatever he was trying to make. There were clothes scattered on the floor and an open suitcase like he was trying to make a run for it, a half empty bottle of scotch on the table and a glass broken against the adjacent wall.

Kirishima had drowned last night and he had made sure he tore down everything else with it. He rubbed his eyes and pressed a hand to his aching head as he looked around for his clock. It was no longer mounted stylishly on his wall but rather was tucked away underneath a bookshelf, thankfully not broken.

“10:00 am” The clock read and he sighed, he was late for work. He hadn’t called in, hadn’t submitted a request for leave but he here he was sitting on the floor not making any kind of move to get up and rush to work. Apologize, grovel, beg for his boss to forgive him. He should be up and hauling his ass to do that and all else but he did nothing. He sat still and stared at the broken glass before laying back down on his back.

Kirishima closed his eyes and when he opened them again it was noon, this time he moved but with no particular rush. He found his phone after a solid ten minutes of searching and checked the many messages he had received from Kaminari asking where he was. Apparently Kaminari had made some bullshit excuse about his getting food poisoning from the food they had and their manager had bought it but expected Kirishima to make up his missing hours by the end of the week and turn in that days reports.

He let out a dry laugh, the excuses, the hungover mornings, the thought of Katsuki Bakugou lingering on his mind, it was all too much like high school, all that was missing was his taste on the tips of his tongue and his hands curled around Bakugou’s hair. He groaned loudly and slapped himself so hard it stung and got off the ground. He stood on his own feet, using the couch near him as support and looked around at the mess he had created. He needed to clean, Kirishima knew that he had to clean but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t bring himself to clean the mess he had created, the mess Bakugou had created so he did nothing.

Instead he left the house exactly how it was and went to shower instead, he scrubbed and scrubbed at his body, every inch, all the hard to reach spots, shampooed himself twice, thrice, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how many times he washed himself the scent never left, the lingering scent of a love lost, the scent of possibility, of wicked horrid hope and possibility lingered on his body and he hated every part of it.

Kirishima only got out of the shower when the water turned freezing cold, he didn’t bother changing into any sort of clothes and instead just sat in his towel for a long while staring at himself in the mirror. He stared at the man in front of him, sometimes shifting from his current self to the image of the seventeen year old who fell in love with his best friend. Kirishima felt tears well up in his eyes but rubbed them away, rough hands against soft skin, he rubbed his eyes until they were red and raw.

He got up and changed into slacks and a red t-shirt and looked at himself once again trying to find where that spark of hope was coming from. Trying to understand why suddenly he didn’t look familiar, where that gaping hole had unpatched itself. There was no denying that he couldn’t recognize who he was looking at, the child in him, the one he locked away a long time ago seemed to be clawing at his bars, begging to be released yet the black hair and sullen face remained like a never-ending prison sentence. Kirishima sighed and pulled out his laptop, typing out an apology to his boss and thanking him for being so understanding of the situation. He got up and decided that if nothing else he would clear his head today. He would remove any and all thoughts he was having about his past and about Bakugou and he would come back the same man who had his life sorted so he plugged his headphones in and went for a walk.

Kirishima was used to this neighborhood, he’s lived here for nearly two years and nothing really changed here. It was the same shopkeepers who called out the prices of their new wares to him as he walked past, the same kids who would run around and play tag or catch or whatever the game of the day was. The same people, same buildings, same lives. He liked it, he liked how much normality existed in his life. He liked the routine more than he would have cared to admit but something was different today.

Kirishima was different today, unlike most days when he would walk past without much occupying his mind today he was lost deep in thought. Thoughts of a blonde lover and the feeling of finding his other half, thoughts of dreams and promises, and adventures that were far from complete. Initially, he was resolved to not think about anything to do with Bakugou but as his steps raised in count and the cold air outside prickled at his skin all he could do was think about the blonde. So he took a deep breath and let himself feel, he let himself relax and let the thoughts consume him so he could let it run through him like water. Let it wash over him and remove whatever he couldn’t keep with him.

“Eiji can you um can you help me with this?” Kirishima smiled a little, the memory of a soft Katsuki Bakugou was something he held deep in his heart. No one believed him, the one time he mentioned how sweet and nervous Bakugou really was no one really believed him but he understood. Katsuki was something hidden, something private and Kirishima had been lucky enough to be allowed into that something. Kirishima was lucky enough to see the side Bakugou tried so hard to hide. Kirishima remembered what came after the question, he remembered turning his head to look at a nervous Bakugou Katsuki, clutching a notebook so tight Kirishima was sure it was going to tear. Bakugou hated losing, he hated not knowing and more than anything he hated asking for help so the fact that Bakugou had come to him meant more than Kirishima could put into words. Kirishima had had a crush on Bakugou since nearly the beginning of their high school careers but right now, with a fifteen year old Bakugou Katsuki standing above him, head hung low glaring holes into the ground was when he really began to fall. Of course Kirishima helped him, he stayed on the floor with his best friend explaining over and over the topic until Bakugou got it, until he smiled so wide with triumph painted across his features it made Kirishima’s heart feel warm.

He sighed at the memory, there was so much of Bakugou that Kirishima knew. So much of the blonde that only Kirishima knew and it would make him a little sad and a little happy but more than anything Kirishima was always grateful. He was so grateful for the right to be allowed inside his heart, grateful to be the one who could calm an explosion with just the touch of a finger. Bakugou was special and somehow, somewhere Kirishima became special to Bakugou.

Kirishima’s mind drifted to the first time Katsuki kissed him, he felt his eyes sting at the memory and his fists curled tight. It wasn’t a passionate taking over of his mind and body like their friends guessed but rather it was a question, something so soft almost a whisper that Kirishima almost didn’t hear “C-can I kiss you?”. It was a single question he asked, spoke as though he was afraid of what Kirishima would say, travelled through the little space that was left between them until he closed the space. Kirishima’s hands moved as though on instinct, cupping Bakugou’s face and pulling him close. It was kind and caring, the kiss was dipped in honey and smothering sweet like Kirishima knew just how much Bakugou needed it. Like he knew just how much of himself was wrapped in barbed wire and hidden away deep under layers of self doubt and insecurities.

Kirishima realised early on in their friendship how much of the child inside Katsuki Bakugou was beaten and moulded into what he is now, how much of the softness and the area to make mistakes was torn away to leave only this rough and scared boy. He realised how much Bakugou struggled with the idea of weakness, how afraid he was of failure and disappointing those around him and himself. Everytime Bakugou flinched when someone older than him raised their hands, the miniscule changes in his face when he was told he didn’t do enough. Kirishima knew the heaviness that weighed on Bakugou’s chest and he spent the better part of his high school career trying to remove it, trying to coax the sweetness back out of him.

“It’s comfortable with you, like you bring peace to my life.”

So Kirishima always kissed him soft, he always held his hands as though he was holding a new born and talked sweet. His hands would trace the lines on Bakugou’s face and the scars on his body, he would breathe into kisses and smile against the other boys lips. There was nothing fast or needy about the way the boys held each other, they took their time and learnt each other at a slow pace. They discovered pleasure and pain and became in tune to each others bodies and minds. Kirishima made it clear every time their bodies connected that he was here, he was in love and he would take care of the other.

Lost in his memories of his lover Kirishima finally found himself back at the restaurant, his feet had traced the path back to the restaurant and a single look inside the large window was enough to drop Kirishima’s heart down to his feet.

There he was, the boy he had just been day dreaming about except he wasn’t that boy anymore. He was older, taller, filled out his frame, his hair was trimmed at the back and sides and he had metal in his ears but that wasn’t what caught Kirishima. It was the way he was laughing, it was the simple fact that Bakugou was laughing. His head thrown back and his mouth open in a way that suggested loud guffaws. Kirishima felt a cold hand wrap around his neck as he watched the man he was so in love with laugh with another. The other man, hair half red and half white stood at the table opposite from Bakugou an unamused expression on his face.

Kirishima watched as Bakugou’s eyes crinkled and his expression settled into something that was comfortable, something that felt right at home, an expression he remembered fondly from when he would hold the blonde in his arms. It was an expression he wore only for Kirishima but here he was, with another sharing what Kirishima helped bring out. Maybe Kirishima would have worked up the courage to walk in there, to grab Bakugou and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe any longer. Maybe he would have slapped him, called him horrible names and blame him for giving up on them. Maybe he would have done many things if Bakugou hadn’t turned around to face him so instead Kirishima ran. He ran from the one person he had sworn to never run from, the one person he promised he would stick by. He ran until his lungs gave out and collapsed against a wall, he sat there trying to catch his breath, trying to expel the image of a laughing older Bakugou Katsuki from his mind but the harder he tried the harder it got.

He sat there, back pressed against the wall as images of Bakugou rushed past his eyes, his black tanktop and the way his skin gleamed against the dark color. The way his body fit so well into what he wore and the metal in his ears, the longer he thought about the more erotic the images in his mind became. Katsuki Bakugou was no longer a scrawny fifteen year old but he was older, he was built, he was undeniably attractive and a twenty three year old Eijirou Kirishima wanted nothing more than to be smothered by the other man.

Kirishima ran all the way back to his apartment again trying to shut out the thoughts that took over his brain but it was of no use. By the time he reached home his mind was so overcome with thoughts of Bakugou Katsuki all he could do was bee line to his washroom and fix the heat that began at the pit of his stomach with one hand in his pants and another covering his eyes.

After that day Kirishima made a promise to himself that he would never go to the restaurant again, he didn’t want to be imprisoned by Bakugou Katsuki, not again but he wasn’t so completely on board. Almost subconsciously he found himself adding to his jogging routine and going by the restaurant every morning, came out of his daze after work and realized he has once again walked past the restaurant so two weeks passed and now Kirishima was their most loyal customer and Bakugou was the most frequent visitor in his dreams. A few days after trying to deny it he gave in and decided that if nothing else he would be able to see him, watch him smile, listen to him sing. If nothing else he could at least know that the one he loved once was happy.

It was one such day, Kirishima was sitting at the back finishing off a pastry and waiting for Bakugou to take the stage when a girl a few years younger to him walked over. “He’s not coming in today by the way.” She said as she cleared the empty coffee mug. Kirishima looked up at her, his eyes stretched wide in shock and unsure whether she was talking to him but one look at her face and he knew. “Our food isn’t that good also, don’t worry i won’t tell.” she said and winked at the boy before walking away.

A string of curses were let loose in Kirishima’s mind as he went over the possibility of her knowing he was here to see Bakugou, the even worse possibility of Bakugou knowing he was here but just before his mind could explode the girl returned. “Mina, it’s nice to meet you. My cousin runs the restaurant.” she said and stuck a hand out to him. Kirishima stared at her for a minute before gingerly taking her hand and shaking it. “Kirishima.”

“Oh calm down, I won’t tell on you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he replied and moved to get out of the seat and the restaurant. He had no intentions of meeting Bakugou, no intentions of him ever even knowing that Kirishima was here but here he was, cornered by this stranger.

“I’ve seen you around you know, in the morning you run across the restaurant and stop to stretch for a while and then I see you come in everyday in your suits to get food. Honestly at first I thought you just really liked our food but then I really saw you. He was singing that song, the sad one that he sings when he gets really upset and you were looking at him with such sadness in your eyes. You looked like all you wanted was right in front of you and you couldn’t bare not having it. You reached out your hand as if you were reaching for him and my heart broke Kirishima san-”

Before Mina could finish Kirishima was out of his chair and moving out of the restaurant though, his heart was thundering in his chest as he rushed back to his home. That night the dreams found him again except it was nothing and everything all at once. For the entirety of his dream all he did was watch Bakugou sing, he watched him sing the same song, eyes locked onto him but the whole time feeling invisible. It was like Katsuki was looking through Kirishima, like he didn’t even realise he was there though he was sitting right in front of him. Kirishima woke up in tears and didn’t sleep much the rest of the night.

It had been three weeks since Kirishima ran out of the restaurant, he made the most conscious effort to go nowhere near the place. Went out of his way to take a different route home, turned down any invitation to visit the restaurant again until Kaminari brought up the one thing he really couldn’t refuse.

“Hey man, so rehearsal dinner is this Saturday. It’s gonna be at that restaurant we went to and don’t worry it’s a small crowd so you won’t get smothered by people. Please come, it would mean a lot if you did.” Kaminari said to him, his eyes begging, over their lunch break. The date for Kaminari and Jirou’s wedding was approaching fast and as Kaminari’s only real friend in the city of course Kirishima was invited. He swallowed hard at the thought of going back to the restaurant but it was for his friend. He couldn’t let his friend down so he steeled his nervousness and nodded, of course he would be there.

When the day finally arrived Kirishima took as long as he could deciding how to look, even considered dying his hair back to the bright red it used to be but eventually decided against it. He wasn’t going to attract attention to himself, if anything he was going to try and blend in so he picked out a suit that was attractive enough that Jirou wouldn’t scowl at him but basic enough to not draw attention, got ready and left his house.

By the time he arrived there where quite a few people, Kaminari saw him almost immediately and dragged him over to his fiancee and their friends. “Congrats Jirou, it’s going to be amazing when he can finally stop saying ‘my to be’.” Kirishima told her and laughed alongside her. Kaminari introduced him to his other friends from university and some from his childhood before he was let go, Kirishima took a seat next to a man named Sero, a friend from Kaminari’s university. They engaged in idle conversation, mainly about their respective jobs and trading stories about Kaminari. Kirishima didn’t really have much to share but listening to their adventures and learning just how loud and energetic Kaminari used to be was a treat of it’s own. He was glad that his friend hadn’t changed much, jus’t matured a little and retained that glow he had. Their conversation didn’t last long though as soon the food was served and Kaminari stood up demanding that it was time for toast, Kirishima bit back a laugh as he raised his glass and started on his “101 reasons why Kyouka is the best” list and later forced down the rise of envy when Jirou pulled him down and kissed him to shut him up.

“I’m gonna marry you so you can never leave me.”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving anyway.”

Where was his happy ending, why was he the one destined to suffer and chase after someone who probably had forgotten all about him. Why couldn’t he move on. He felt his eyes stinging as he watched his friend attack his fiancee with kisses, the loud hollering of the other twenty year olds around him thankfully drowned out the drumming of his own heart beat as he watched.

Kirishima was so engulfed in his own thoughts and trying his best to be happy for his friends that he didn’t even notice the smile that grew on a certain pink haired girl as she finally zeroed in on her prey. She slipped away from the serving staff and ran back to the little room where Katsuki was getting ready to go on stage, “He’s here.” she said, out of breath from running so fast.

Katsuki’s face broke out in a nervous smile as he gripped his guitar tight, Mina had told him about the man who came to the restaurant solely to watch him sing. She had also apologized for chasing him away but here he was again, it was Katsuki’s second chance at this and he wouldn’t screw it up. He didn’t even know what the man looked like, what his name was, Mina had refused any information and simply told him to watch for the eyes. Katsuki had no idea what any of what she said meant at any point in time and often had written her off as a nineteen year old who was too smitten with her girlfriend to notice much else but he couldn’t deny the little excitement that was building in his stomach.

He waited until his cue was called and walked out, wincing a little at the unusual bright light. The restaurant was usually dimly lit with just enough light for everyone to comfortably see each other and the food but not bright enough for a stellar selfie.

“It’s the vibe Bakubro, you need to understand these things.” Mina had told him when he asked her about the lighting situation and he had simply shook his head. He had been working at the restaurant for around three years now, he met Shoto Todoroki in university and when he took over his fathers restaurant Katsuki joined him. The two had formed a sort of unlikely friendship, Katsuki would work in the kitchen during the morning and perform at night. He enjoyed his work, it let him sing and cook and still get paid for it and he was always in the company of good people though he would never really tell Mina or Shoto how much he appreciated having them around.

He smiled at the crowd and noticed the to be weds right away, sitting together hands tangled with each other, attached as if even a second away from the other would result in catastrophe. Bakugou smiled, he remembered that kind of a love but that was a long time ago and if he thought about it too much he wouldn’t be able to perform tonight. There would be no sad songs for tonight no matter how tightly the wire wrapped around his heart was pulled.

“Hey everyone, I’m Bakugou Katsuki and I’ll be your entertainment for the night. Congratulations to the happy couple, Kaminari Denki and Jirou Kyouka I hope you have a life of peace and comfort with each other.” He said, pouring as much sincerity into his words as he could. He watched the couple kiss before clapping for the singer and felt that familiar tightness in his chest but pushed it away like he had been doing for years now. He gave the couple a minute to come back to the rest of them before settling down and starting his music.

Kirishima felt like he was going to cry, he knew where the words Katsuki spoke came from. He had at one time wanted to say the same to Katsuki dressed in a white suit of his own but life was cruel and fate was a tricky game to play. He listened to Katsuki sing as he ate his food, sneaking glances at the boy while the others talked. He looked beautiful adorned in a simple red shirt and black pants, there was nothing extravagant about his clothes but he looked like he had stepped fresh out of a fashion magazine with the way his hair fell in his eyes and his silver chains glittered against his lightly tanned skin. Kirishima would forget to breathe if he looked at Katsuki too long but then again he always had trouble breathing around the blonde.

“Okay Kyouka it’s time.” Kaminari called out and stood up. He looked down at his betrothed and stuck out a hand, Kirishima only had time to register the look of panic in Jirou’s eyes and the one of challenge in Kaminari’s before he had pulled her out of her seat and onto the dance floor. “You said you were better than me on the dance floor? Time I prove you wrong.”

Just like that the mood in the restaurant had shifted as Bakugou changed the song and the tempo and Kaminari was spinning Jirou around. Soon people where up and joining in on the fun while Kirishima remained at his table and watched them, he loved dancing but he had loved dancing with Bakugou. He had loved a great many things with Bakugou and he simply did not have the strength to do it without him when he was right there. This didn’t stop Mina though, when she saw the boy remain at his seat she huffed and stalked over to him.

“C’mon don’t be so stuffy.” She said and pulled him out of the chair before he had a chance to protest. Kirishima tried to weasel his way out of the dance but Mina had a strong grip and he didn’t want to make a scene and ruin everyone’s night so he went along with it. Kirishima fell into the rhythm soon enough as Mina took him around the dance floor, practically leading him. He only noticed the song had slowed down when she stepped away and he was left standing point blank in front of the one person he was trying to avoid.

“..i’m still into you.”

As the song finished and the rest of the audience erupted in cheers Kirishima remained frozen in spot, his eyes locked with Katsuki’s. He felt his eyes fill up with tears as realisation spread across Katsuki’s face and his eyes widened at the sight of his first love, his childhood romance, the one who promised he would never leave. It was like time had frozen for the two men as they stood in front of each other and Kirishima was afraid to move. He was afraid that if he made even a fraction of a movement it would all disappear and Kirishima would be back on the floor of his apartment crying into his hands but Katsuki had no such fear.

He moved, he got up and he moved but before he could even get off the stage Kirishima had started to run. He backed away from the crowd, who by now where all staring at the two men, and ran out of the restaurant, forgetting everything else. The only thought that occupied his mind was to get away, he had to get away, he had to leave or the dream would be shattered. The fantasy would be broken, so he ran.

Katsuki on the other hand was left standing in front of his own stage, bewildered guests and a giggling Mina watching him for his next move. He blinked once, twice, trying to understand whether what he had seen was real or not.

“Hey man you okay?” Came a voice from his side, Katsuki whipped around to see the groom himself wearing a worried expression on his face.

“I-yeah. Oh god I’m so sorry.” He started, unable to believe that he just ruined their weddings rehearsal dinner. He bowed deeply and apologised over and over, completely going against his nature but this was someone’s wedding he had wrecked an he felt the guilt eat him up from the inside.

“Chill, it’s okay. Do you know Kiri?” Kaminari asked, patting the singer on the side of his arm.

The name sent chills through Katsuki’s body, he opened his mouth to respond but it was dry. Too dry so he closed his lips, swallowed and tried again, “Y-yeah. Kirishima and I went to school together. We were, we were friends.” he said, the word sounded hoarse in his mouth. It sounded wrong and out of place. Kirishima was never just his friend, he was so much more but how was he supposed to encompass years of admiration and adoration into a single word.

“Hmm, listen why don’t we get a drink? Kyo I’ll be back in a bit okay?” Kaminari called out and his fiancee nodded at him, offering a reassuring smile.

Kaminari led the still disoriented blonde to the bar and sat down with him, mentally preparing for whatever he was going to hear. Kaminari acted aloof, he pretended he didn’t see the longing looks Kirishima had sent towards the singer the first time they came here, he pretended he didn’t see the way Kirishima’s heart cracked when Kaminari was with Jirou but what happened on the dance floor. The way the song had come to an almost abrupt end, the intensity that followed when the two men locked eyes and especially the way Kirishima raced out the door. It really wasn’t something he could ignore anymore so he ordered two glasses of whiskey and got ready to listen.

Kirishima was hunched over his toilet seat as he puked up whatever he had eaten, seeing Katsuki, having Katsuki see him was too much. He had collapsed into his own home and made a beeline to the washroom, throwing open the door and expelling anything and everything that was in his stomach. Once he was done he slumped onto the marble floor, exhausted and sweaty. Katsuki had seen him, he had seen him, he had recognised him.

Eventually Kirishima dragged himself off the floor and stripped himself bare. He sat on the floor of his bathtub for what felt like an hour until the hot water started pruning his skin. He walked out and wrapped a towel around his waist, before he could leave Kirishima caught a glance of himself in the mirror and flinched. He hadn’t realised how tired he had become or how deep his dark circles had gone, he didn’t realise how skinny he had let himself become despite running in the mornings. His mouth tasted horrible and he looked like a reanimated corpse with all the concealer from earlier washed off. Kirishima splashed water in his face again and sighed deep, his hands pressed against the counter. He took a deep breath. This couldn’t go on, he couldn’t continue being so pathetically lost, chasing after someone who had given him up. Chasing after a dream that was long dead and gone. He picked up his tooth brush and began brushing at his teeth ferociously as thought attacking the germs would somehow remove what was deeper inside. Hot fresh tears fell from his eyes as he brushed but he refused to stop. Kirishima brushed his teeth until the tears stopped falling.

The bell rang just as he was changing, he turned to his bedroom door, eyebrows perked wondering who it could possibly be. He had already texted Kaminari and informed him that he was okay, just felt a little sick and didn’t want to ruin the party for everyone else and he had responded almost immediately. Had the other man really come to check on him? It was much too early for him to leave his own wedding party and if Kaminari really had followed him back home he was going to be positively eaten alive by guilt.

Kirishima walked to the door, his shirt lay forgotten on the bed as he walked to the door to open it and he regretted it the minute he opened it. If Kirishima had been just a little faster he probably could have slammed the door, he could have slammed the door and hid in his room until the other person went away but he wasn’t fast enough.

Katsuki anticipated this so he slipped a foot in between the door the minute it was opened, he winced when the door slammed against his foot but refused to move it. He wouldn’t mess up a second time, he wouldn’t loose him again.

“Eiji please.”

Kirishima closed his eyes as his breathing got faster, he was hiding behind his door. He couldn’t see him, he wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t prepared in any manner for this confrontation but what was he to do. Bakugou was standing on the other side, refusing to let him go so what exactly was he supposed to do other than let him in. He couldn’t exactly leave the other boy stranded out in the cold and if knew Kirishima knew anything about Bakugou it was that he was stubborn. He would wait outside and make himself sick until Kirishima let him in so he steadied himself, forced his hands to stop shaking and opened the door.

Kirishima opened the door and turned around, he didn’t want to look at him, wanted to go on pretending for however long he could so he didn’t look, he didn’t even acknowledge him and went straight for the couch. He took a seat on one side, eyes still trained on the ground as if he would miss the secrets of the universe if he looked away.

“Eiji…” Katsuki started, his voice soft and reserved like he was scared of what he was saying. Like if he spoke too loud or said something wrong everything would evaporate, Kirishima would disappear and he would be alone again so he swallowed deep and steadied his own hands before speaking again. “Eiji…” he started but stopped short, “fuck I don’t know what to say.” he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kirishima let out a small laugh, slapping his hands over his mouth when he realised but that seemed to be enough for some of the tension in the room to deflate. Katsuki took a seat on the other side of the couch, waiting for Kirishima to say something, waiting for him to at least look at him but nothing came so started again, “Eijirou I’m sorry.”

Kirishima nearly snapped his neck with the speed at which he turned to look at the other man, he didn’t know what exactly he was expecting. Maybe a confrontation, an angry Katsuki Bakugou demanding to know why he was being stalked, something but definitely not this. He didn’t expect an apology so when his eyes locked with the others he forgot to feel nervous.

“I know I’m about six years too late but I’m sorry for calling you the underdog, for dismissing your passions. I know I should never have let you walk away from that. Never should stopped fighting, I’m sorry I let you give up on us, walk away fro-” Katsuki couldn’t finish what he was saying though because within seconds Kirishima had tackled him to the ground.

“I GAVE UP? I WALKED AWAY?” He yelled as his grip tightened on the boys collar. Not even five minutes into seeing each other and they were back in twelfth grade, inches away from each other with Kirishima pinning Katsuki to the ground, anger and betrayal blazing in his eyes.

“I was not the one who threw everything away, I was not the one who refused to get help or listen, I was not the one who broke a lamp because someone else flirted, because someone else spread a rumour. I did not give up on us, you did. You gave up before we even had a chance to be saved.” He spat out, everything he’s been wanting to say piling to the top of his throat but the tears in his eyes had become too much.

He couldn’t see anymore, the water that had pooled in his eyes and was blocking his vision. He knew that if he opened his mouth again all that would come out would be sobs so he stayed quiet.

It was quiet for a while as the tears fell from his eyes and landed on Katsuki’s cheeks, they felt like acid burning through the years and years of denial he had built. He looked up at the other man, his eyes wide in shock as he finally, finally realised just what he had done all those years ago. Katsuki couldn’t find anything to say, he couldn’t find his voice so he did the only thing he knew how to, he pulled Kirishima in and wrapped his arms around the other man.

He tensed for a minute as Kirishima’s hands remained at his collar but within seconds his hands had slipped from Bakugou’s collar down to his chest. Kirishima tucked his head in the crook of Katsuki’s neck and let the tears come freely. He didn’t know why and he didn’t know what he was feeling all he knew was that Bakugou’s hands felt like home and he had been searching for far too long.

They stayed like that for longer than either one expected, Kirishima eventually falling asleep in Bakugou’s hold but he didn’t budge until he finally heard the little snores from the other man. Bakugou realised too late what had happened and a smile crept onto his face so he repositioned the other man so he could left him up and carried him to the bedroom. Bakugou placed him, gently on the bed and lingered for a minute. His hand ghosted the skin on Kirishima’s face, not daring to touch him, too scared that he would ruin it. He would ruin his peace again if he touched, if he even took a wrong breath everything would shatter and the sleeping man would be awake and afraid again. He stayed there and watched his chest rise and fall, watched the way his nostrils would flutter when he breathed and smiled to himself. A smiled that was so secret, tucked away only for the person who held his heart.

The snow began to fall as he watched his lover and soon enough the streets would be blanketed in white. Soon enough they would be stuck inside with the warmth of the house and the other, soon enough the universe would play it’s final card and maybe love really does find it’s way back. Katsuki slept on the couch that day, he couldn’t bare the thought of leaving, of travelling back to his own apartment, the empty bed and the cold tiles. He couldn’t leave when Kirishima was this close so he wrapped himself tighter in his coat and fell asleep on the couch.

Kirishima woke up to a cold room and a warm blanket tickling his nose, he blinked and looked around as memories flooded his brain but nothing seemed to match. He was alone in his bedroom, the door cracked just a little, he was dressed in his own clothes and there was no sign of a fiery blonde in his home. He sat up and rubbed his head wondering if he had somehow dreamt up everything that had occurred the night before. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t have dreamt up the pain that rose in his chest, he couldn’t have dreamt the feeling of Bakugou’s arms wrapped around him. He just couldn’t have fucking dreamt any of that, it had to be real.

And it was. A few steps into his living room proved that he didn’t make any of it up, that it was real because there, asleep on his couch was Bakugou Katsuki with his blonde hair flat against his forehead and winter coat wrapped tight around him. Kirishima sucked in a breath and stumbled back inside his room, not that it was real he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk, he could now, all the things he had wanted to say came to him at once, he could finally talk but fear gripped his heart like it always does. The iron clad fist that curled around his strength and courage anytime he thought of contacting Katsuki was back.

Kirishima clenched his fists and grunted, he pressed his forehead against the wall and slammed his fist against it, over and over until the roaring in his ears finally stopped and when he opened his eyes again Katsuki was standing there worry dripping from his eyes.

“Good morning.” Kirishima said, straightening himself to look the other man in the eye.

“I-uh good morning Eiji-” he started but was cut off but Kirishima’s hand in front of his face.

“Kirishima. You call me Kirishima.” he said and turned around to pick up a discarded t-shirt from the chair. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah… okay Kirishima, let’s eat.” he said, his nails pressed against his skin to quell the heartache at the other mans words.

Kirishima wordlessly walked out of the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, he could feel Bakugou walking behind him. He felt the energy that followed, he knew being told to call Kirishima Kirishima had struck him close to home but it was okay. Kirishima didn’t have the strength to hear his name play on Katsuki’s tongue so lovingly, he didn’t have a strong enough resolve to hear the way he called his name and not immediately jump into his arms.

Kirishima took out a pack of sliced bread and jam from his fridge, “what do you want?”

“Anything is fine.”

He nodded and went back to what he was doing, Kirishima would not let Bakugou bulldoze the conversation. He would not fall back into problematic patterns, he would be in control. He repeated these words in his mind over and over again while he toasted the bread and spread jam on the four slices. He made coffee for both the men, regretfully remembering the way Bakugou liked it.

Bakugou noticed and bit the inside of his mouth so as not to smile.

“What are you doing here?” Kirishima asked finally as he placed the food and drink on the kitchen counter. He leaned against it, standing opposite from Bakugou as he ate his toast and waited for a reply.

“I work here, at Shoto’s. Singing and cooking, it’s a pretty decent gig, we met in University…” he trailed off as he watched Kirishima’s expression tighten, “Not what you wanted to hear got it. Uh shit I don’t know Ei- Kirishima, I saw you at the restaurant and my first instinct was to chase you. Fuck I half thought you where a fever dream I cooked up until your friend explained that you were in fact real and well I don’t know how could I not follow.”

Kirishima watched Bakugou as he spoke, noticed the way his body tensed up and his face became unbearably sad. If Kirishima wasn’t yelling at himself to keep it together he probably would have caved and taken Bakugou in his arms again but he stood still and he listened.

“I haven’t seen you in so long Kirishima, you dipped like two days after graduation. Hell I didn’t even know you had gone until lzuku told me.”

“Izuku?” Kirishima interrupted him surprised that Bakugou had actually used Midoriya’s first name instead of the cruel nickname he had for the boy throughout their lives. He watched Bakugou’s face flush and his hand shot up to rake through his hair before he replied.

“Ah yeah, Izu and I patched things up. He helped me a lot after we um, after we ended. Our families get together a few times a year. He’s getting married next year.” Bakugou finished, embarrassment clear on his face.

“How unexpected, I suppose you have grown up Bakugou.” Kirishima said as he finished off his bread. “Why did you follow me?”

“Fuck Kiri I had to, I couldn’t let you go again. I know I fucked up back then, I know I did everything wrong and pushed you away. I know I didn’t deserve you then but I’ve worked on it every day since. I went to therapy Kiri, I found someone who specializes in adolescent anger issues and got help. I patched things up with Izuku, I made friends, real ones in University, one of them is even my boss now. I changed Kirishima I really have and I did every single thing with the hopes that I’d find you again someday. I’ll admit in the last year that hope had faded but it was still worth it, I changed because of you.” He said and took a deep shaky breath, Kirishima could see how difficult this was. Apologising, laying his emotions out in the open had always been difficult for Baugou but he was doing it. Kirishima could see the change clear as day.

“Because I never wanted to hurt you, you’re the last person in the world I wanted to hurt but all I did was hurt you and put you through so much pain while you stayed. God fucking dammit you always stayed with me. You stayed right next to me through everything and I’m so fucking sorry.” He said and moved around the counter to stand next to Kirishima. He took the boys surprisingly cold hands in his own and spoke again, voice quiet as a whisper, “I’m sorry Eijirou, please let me prove to you I deserve you now.”

Kirishima felt his defences fall as warning bells rang in his head, looking at Bakugou so close, begging to give him another chance all Kirishima wanted to do was claim him. To pull the blonde in and kiss him and ask him a thousand times over to stay this time but something held him back. The memories of all the struggle, of all the fights and difference in opinions remained like a sour taste in his mouth.

He removed his hands from Bakugou’s hold and took the dishes to the sink.

“I can’t do this again Bakugou, you hurt me. I gave you everything, my trust, my heart, I let you into all my insecurities and laid it all bare for you and then you had the nerve to throw it back in my face. You broke things, you yelled and caused a scene when anyone would even do so much as look at me. I can’t do that again Bakugou, I’m an adult man, I have a job, I have a life.” Kirishima said and stopped, he hadn’t dared to look at Bakugou yet afraid of what he would see but if he didn’t now he would never be able to so he turned around before speaking again, “I have too much self respect to be pushed around by you again.”

Kirishima locked eyes with the other man and watched as his face fell, watched as realisation washed over him and he stepped back. He stood still for a minute, eyes downcast and when he finally looked up they where filled to the brim with unshed tears.

“I’m so sorry Kirishima. I’m so fucking sorry. God I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry..” he continued like that, mumbling, repeating his apologies as the tears spilled and his hands clutched at his shirt. Bakugou had realised many things, he had fixed and grown past many things but he had never even in his worst of nightmares imagined that he had hurt Kirishima so much and the knowledge was too much.

Kirishima wanted to console the other man, he wanted to tell him that he accepted the apology and it would be okay and they could start over. It was killing him to not do anything but he didn’t move for the millionth time that day. He watched for a little while longer until his heart got the better of him and he walked forward. Kirishima took Bakugou’s hands in his own, holding them so softly as if too strong a grip would break the blonde in two.

“Thank you. It’s okay. I’m not the same person I was back then and I don’t think you are either. It’s okay.” He said and ducked his head a little to look the other man in the eyes. “You’re okay.”

A few hours later and the two where seated on the couch, on opposite ends from each other as they filled each other in on their lives after high school. Katsuki had gone on to study cooking much to his parents dismay but he enjoyed it. It helped him keep calm and his therapist thought it was ideal for his explosive tendencies. He met Shoto at university and they had made plans to work together after University was over, Katsuki had never wanted to own a restaurant, he didn’t want to deal with all the politics and business that came with it so he took on the official title as chef. He had a few boyfriends after Kirishima but none had felt right, none had been able to see Bakugou the way Kirishima could. Kirishima would be lying if he said he stomach didn’t flutter hearing those words.

“Will you come to the restaurant tomorrow?” Bakugou asked as he stepped out of the apartment, ready to leave.

Kirishima pursed his lips and held the mans gaze as he thought it over and nodded, “I’ll be there.”

“Sit up front this time.” Bakugou said and smiled at him before leaving.

#bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #kiribaku #kiribaku angst #kiribaku makeup #krbk #bakugou x kirishima #bakugou katsuki angst #kirishima eijirou angst #mha fanfiction #mha #bnha #bnha no quirks #no quirks au #denki x jirou #denki kaminari #jirou kyouka

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kirikinni · 4 years

Text

Kill Someone For You | bkdk

Summary: The hero world isn’t as spotless as they make it seem and Izuku Midoriya learns this reality just before he’s supposed to make his way to UA high but old habits die hard and there’s only so much of himself Izuku can kill off.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Izuku Midoriya

Word Count: 4k

Themes: vil!deku, izuku always returns to katsuki, katsuki soft boy, angst

Warning: blood, mention of murder, mention of suicide

“Once you get used to it, it’ll be easier.” That was always his mother’s advice, whether it came to riding his bike or controlling his quirk. Keep trying, keep pushing, it’ll become easier with time and that’s exactly what he did.

The first time was difficult, too difficult, there was too much of a mess, he threw up afterwards and couldn’t sleep for days on end. The second and third time wasn’t much better, in fact it didn’t get any easier until around the tenth time.

When he did it in one clean swipe that cut through all the necessary arteries it was easier, the blood that fell back on his face didn’t feel dirty or wrong, his stomach didn’t immediately flip. His comrades waited to see whether they would have to suffer through another vomiting session but to their surprise a smile shone against white skin.

Finally, finally it was easy. It was fun. Finally he had control of the knife.

Izuku Midoriya lost his mother a few weeks before he was set to go to Yuei High School for Heroes, she was stuck in a fire but the heroes decided it was more important to catch the villains than help the poor lady stuck in the elevator. She burnt to death, alone and screaming for her until the flames charred her vocal chords. Izuku didn’t even have a body to bury. He watched them bury an empty casket, stood next to the Bakugou’s as they lowered the casket and listened to all the crying that surrounded him.

He was glad that it was raining that day. Izuku wasn’t sure why he couldn’t cry, why he didn’t but he knew one thing. He wouldn’t be going to Yuei, his love for heroes, his admiration to the special class of society had been buried along with his mothers casket. He declined the invitations to stay with the Bakugou’s that night, said he wanted to be next to his mother. Told Mistuki he would be over the next day, promised her that he would be okay and he would call Kachaan if anything happened. She let him go with a kiss to the forehead and a packed box of food. Katsuki hugged for the first time, told him that they would avenge her death together and called him a nerd for good measure.

Izuku smiled, grateful for them. He always knew Kachaan liked him, even if he didn’t show it. Izuku laid in his mothers bed for a few hours, he laid there and counted the cracks in the ceiling, they seemed to extend and crawl across the cement the longer he stared. He wondered if he was going crazy or maybe his quirk was making him see things. Whatever the case he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the ceiling cracks until the bell rang. Izuku dragged himself off the bed and to the door.

“Hello, I have a package for Inko Midoriya. Is she here?”

“No, she’s dead. Thank you.”

Izuku carried the package inside, closing the door behind him leaving a very confused and a little scared delivery man on the other side. He sat on the floor and opened the packaging careful not to rip it, Inko didn’t like it when he was messy or impatient. It was a green onesie, Izuku smiled. They didn’t have much but his mother tried her best, she was better than those cowards who left her to burn, she deserved better.

The next thing Izuku knew he was sitting on his knees in an alleyway, soaked through to his bones, his cheeks had sunken in too far. He didn’t look much like himself anymore but it didn’t really matter, he didn’t feel much like himself either. Izuku stumbled into a bar that day, the back exit left open seemed like an invitation. The warmth inside and the soft smell of roasted nuts made his body react against his minds warnings. Izuku stepped through the door and well the rest became just details.

The League of Villains took him in, he formed a new identity, tried to help them form a better plan to attack the school, he supplied Shigaraki with his ID that was already delivered to him so he could sneak into the school. Izuku used his quirk to help hide the location of their hideout while Kurogiri snuck them in and out of USJ, Izuku became important or at least he thought he did. He mistook Shigaraki wanting his useful quirk for Shigaraki caring about him and that painful truth came to light when they met with a particular villain who would only join the LOV if they promised to help her kill a certain student from UA academy.

There were many things Izuku Midoriya turned away from, he didn’t really care much about the heroes in training, the pro heroes who suffered at the hands of the LOV. Midoriya didn’t care much about the actions and crimes they committed anymore but there was one thing he simply couldn’t excuse, one person he cared about too much, one life he refused to endanger.

There was one person he would never give up on, one he knew would become a real hero. Someone who would save people, someone who would always win and no one could hurt him, no one was allowed to hurt him so when some lowlife bank robber demanded the boys head on a stick all Midoriya could do was twist her neck so far it snapped. He felt warm liquid splash across his face, he tried to wipe it away but really only managed to smudge it across his face.

“What the fuck Midoriya?”

“She can’t touch him.”

“She was valuable.”

“I don’t give a fuck he’s off limits.”

That made Shigaraki mad, he was in charge. He was the boss but this little kid was standing here in his face telling him who he could and couldn’t kill, this kid who he took in from the goodness of his heart and taught how to kill was defying him. That was the last Midoriya saw of Shigaraki or The League because one minute Shigaraki’s hand was aimed for his face ready to kill him and the next he was stumbling through a portal.

He fell onto the pavement in an alleyway on his hands and knees, he looked around disoriented the familiar buzzing of Kurogiri’s portals in his ears. He had been saved, he had been given a chance to run, to save himself but all he wanted to do was crawl back to The League and beg their forgiveness. He sat there, knees folded into himself letting free tears fall as he felt the loss of a home for the second time. He knew he couldn’t go back now, it was much too late for him. Shigaraki doesn’t forgive insubordination, he had seen it before, he knew how it worked and he knew he was alone again.

Midoriya sat there for hours as he watched the sun set and the sky become blanketed in a darkness that hid everything from view. He crawled out for behind the slab of concrete he was hiding and stared out into the street, there were people walking around, moving along to the background tracks of the city night but he couldn’t see their faces. He could still move, if he wanted to move he would have to do it under the night. He was a wanted criminal, his face was on a different edition of every newspaper at least once a week, there were warrants out for his arrest and rewards promised for any information so if he wanted to move he would need to use the night.

Izuku pulled his hood over his head and walked out of the alleyway, stayed close to the wall and kept his eyes and ears pealed for sirens or the unmistakable sounds of heroes announcing their arrival. He kept walking, hands shoved deep in his pockets, he was seventeen years old and alone for the second time. Midoriya scoffed at how pathetic the situation was, how pathetic he was to keep jumping from temporary situations to another. He didn’t know where he was going, for the second time in his life he let his feet lead him to wherever they wanted to go. He didn’t think about where he was going until he recognized the cracks on the pavement and the pink roses that grew in full bloom next to a large tree that had seen him grow.

“Kachaan.”

Of course his feet would lead him here, of course with nothing else to do and nowhere else to go he would find his way right back to Katsuki Bakugou’s home. He wondered what he would say, what would his Kachaan say if he saw him, would he scream at him? Call the cops or try to fight and subdue him all on his own. Whatever he did Midoriya realized he wanted nothing more than to find out so he followed his feet again right up to the front steps of his house and rang the bell. Only later did he realize how week the plan was, his mom could have opened the door, his parents could’ve been at home, hell so many things could happen but these thoughts were nonexistent as Midoriya listened to the heavy footsteps approach the door.

He chuckled to himself at the cursing that came through the door, swearing he would kill whoever disturbed his sleep. Katsuki opened the door, sneer painted on his eyes and red eyes set ablaze ready to threaten whoever was on the other side until he saw who it was that it.

The minute Katsuki’s red eyes connected with Izuku’s green the fire drowned out. It was drenched with the water that pooled in Izuku’s eyes. Katsuki took approximately thirty seconds to take in the person standing in front of him, the same green bouncy curls and carefully position freckles as if they were drawn on. The same shining eyes and slightly tanned complexion, he was the same except older and taller, but the same. It took Katsuki thirty seconds to pull Izuku into himself and wrap his arms around the other in a hug.

Midoriya was stunned into silence, he had expected all kinds of violent and angry reactions, he had fully expected to be pushed to the ground, a blast of fire poised at his face but not this. Not strong hands wrapped around his body holding onto him as though he was a lifeline but it came to an end, eventually he let go and stepped back.

“Deku?”

“H-hi Kachaan.”

A few more seconds passed and it was like something dawned on Katsuki as his face changed, a sneer took over the surprise and hatred, pure unaltered hatred seeped into his expressions.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I-”

“You here with your new fucking friends? The fucking leage of villain deku? Are you fucking insane? Are they here with you huh? Ill blast them to bits, I’ll fucking kill you.”

“N-no Kachaan they’re not here I’m not…”

“You’re not what? You’re not a fucking criminal? You’re not the one who helped organize the attack on my class? You’re not the piece of shit liar who promised we would be the best heroes? You’re not fucking what Deku?” He demanded, his hands folded across his chest. The crack in his voice didn’t go unnoticed, if Midoriya had the guts to look up the tears glistening in Bakugou’s eyes would have been more than enough proof that what he felt was betrayal.

“Kachaan I couldn’t not after mom, I just couldn’t” he said, his hands grasping each other tight. Midoriya didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know why he was here or what he wanted Katsuki to do.

“Fuck you Deku. What do you want? You’re on the fucking news you piece of shit, they’re looking for you. Your new friends they sold you out, offered up information about you. You’ve always been a fucking idiot, never knew how to pick friends-”

“I did it for you.”

“Excuse me?”

“They kicked me out because I wouldn’t let them hurt you.”

The only sounds they could hear were the sounds of the crickets and the wind rustling in the trees. Katsuki looked at him, really looked at him and saw the thinness of his face and how his cheeks where sunken in. The darkened bags under his eyes and the scars on his hands and neck. He saw the blood smudged across the third freckle from the nose on the right, his favorite freckle on Izuku and took a deep breath. Katsuki really looked at Izuku for a few seconds before pulling him inside and closing the door.

“Stay.”

Katsuki disappeared into the house Izuku had spent so much of his childhood in, he kept his hands tied in front of him, all the charisma and confidence he had built working as a villain melting away as he stood near the doorframe too afraid to lean against it. Izuku didn’t know what was going on, he didn’t know if Katsuki was going to call the cops and turn him in or kill him all on his own. He didn’t know what was going to happen and it didn’t sit well with him but when Katsuki came back with a towel draped over his shoulder and a box of pills he was left stunned for a second time.

“Come here nerd.” He said and turned around again and walked into the guest washroom.

Izuku stared for a second before following him into the washroom. “Sit.” Izuku obeyed and sat down on the closed toilet and watched as Katsuki filled up a small bucket with water and set it down next to him. He bent down on his knees, coming to face level with Izuku. He was too close, too close for comfort and Izuku felt his breath get caught in his throat when they locked eyes.

Katsuki was the first to look away, he dunked the towel in the bucket and brought it to Izuku’s face. One hand holding his jaw in place, rough calloused hands that had been burnt over and over against Izuku’s skin. His hands, hands that Izuku always knew to be rude and violent where soft on his face as he wiped the blood away.

“Why?”

“Hm?” Izuku wasn’t paying attention, he was too busy being hyper focused on the lack of distance between the two of them, on the way Katsuki’s breathing fell on his nose and brushed past his lips, on how his fingers caught on his skin and the way his hips kept knocking against Izuku’s knees. Izuku was so focused on Katsuki that he forgot to actually pay attention to what he was saying.

“Why did you protect me?”

“You’re Kachaan…” Izuku said, as if that was the only answer necessary. It seemed obvious enough to Izuku, of course he would protect Kachaan. He would always protect Kachaan, he was his best friend, his favorite person, the only person he believed could save the hero world. Of course he would protect Kachaan.

“That’s not enough Deku, you left. You fucking ran away after Aunties- after she passed and the next thing I see is your face on the news along with fucking Shigaraki and Kurogiri. What the fuck was I supposed to do Deku?” He asked, his voice tight with pain and betrayal. He refused to look at Izuku, refused to meet his eyes.

“I- Kachaan I don’t…”

“No shitty nerd let me finish. Why the fuck would you protect me after all of that, why did you leave me?” He finally asked, looking up from the bucket. There were tears glistening in Katsuki’s eyes as he finally looked Izuku in the eyes.

“I didn’t have anything left Kachaan, she was gone, I didn’t no I couldn’t go to UA. Be around those heroes, hear their stories and pretend like I respected them. Fuck Kachaan I couldn’t be around all of them again.” He said, forcing himself to keep Katsuki’s gaze. His hand raised to grip Katsuki’s trying to steady himself.

“You had me. You always fucking had me Deku, even if everything else went to shit you always fucking had me but you left. You didn’t even try to talk to me, didn’t even stop for a second to think that you could have stayed with me. I would have fucking helped you Izuku, I could’ve helped you.”

“I- Kachaan… I'm sorry.” Izuku didn’t know what else to say, he didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t know why he came or what he wanted but he didn’t want to leave. He needed to feel Katsuki’s warm hands against his skin, he needed to hear his voice even if it was just to insult him or reprimand him. He needed Katsuki.

“Stand up.” Katsuki said and stepped back all too soon, Izuku nearly gasped aloud at the sudden coldness, nearly. He washed the cloth and hung it up to dry, washed the bucket and kept it flipped over on the counter, washed his hands and dried them on his pants. “You need to eat.”

He didn’t say much else but Izuku rose and followed him, followed him to the kitchen and stood behind him like an injured animal waiting to be saved or put down. He didn’t know and he hated it, he hated not knowing so he waited and he chewed on his lip and he dug his nails deep into his palms.

Katsuki slid a plate towards Izuku, it was simple, just a piece of bread and some meat that had been made into a gravy. Leftovers from dinner. Katsuki leaned on the counter so he was eye level with Izuku, red eyes bore into green until he couldn’t take it anymore. Izuku looked away first.

“What did you do?”

“What?”

“What did you do for them to kick you out?”

“I- I told you Kachaan I told them they couldn’t hurt you.”

“No. You had blood on your face shitstain. You did something now tell me what it fucking was.”

“Kachaan I don’t-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me Deku, tell me what you did or god help me I’ll call the cops right now. You’re still a fucking villain, I’ll turn you in and collect whatever fucking honor they wanna bestow on me.” Katsuki stopped and grabbed Izuku’s chin, forcing him to look at the blonde, “Now. Tell. Me.” He said, every word settling into Izuku like a new bullet.

“I killed someone for you.” He whispered, his lips barely open, the words barely even left his mouth and he knew he had messed up when the grip on his chin tightened.

“Louder.”

“I killed someone.” He said, finally, finally raising his eyes to meet Katsuki’s, “I killed someone for you.”

Katsuki stepped back, almost fell over his own feet and pressed his back against the refrigerator. Fear passed over his face as he stared at Izuku, poor defenseless Izuku who need Katsuki to hold his hand when they crossed the street, crybaby Izuku who cried when his ball rolled onto the street and a car popped it, stupid Izuku who hung onto Katsuki’s coattails despite being kicked to the ground over a hundred times.

“I killed someone for you.” The words echoed in his mind, Izuku’s voice on repeat as he heard it again and again. It was like it was his fault, he was the one who did it, the blood was on his hands, smeared on his face and the knife was tucked away in his pockets not the other way around.

Izuku got up and walked around the counter, he stood a few steps away from Katsuki like he was afraid to scare him. “Kachaan…” he whispered like nothing had changed, nothing was different. There where no confessions, no blood stains covering Katsuki’s favorite freckle, nothing, only Kachaan and Deku and a sandbox between them. “Kachaan I had to.” Katsuki shook his head, he didn’t want to hear anymore, didn’t want to be here anymore, he wanted to be in the sandbox again. He understood the sandbox, he understood stupid crybaby deku and powerful superhero Kachaan, he wanted the sandbox. “Kachaan she was going to kill you, I couldn’t let her hurt you. I did it for you, always for you.” He was still speaking but Katsuki had closed his eyes, he wasn’t here, he wasn’t in the kitchen, he was seven years old and he was trying to make a castle with the wet sand in the sandbox and Izuku was getting more water to help.

Izuku stepped closer, he reached out and took Katsuki’s hands in his own. He held the trembling palms tight, trying to calm them down, trying to draw out the panic and replace it with peace, with understanding. “Kachaan please don’t be afraid, I’d never hurt you. You’re my favorite person, my best friend. I’d never hurt you, I just couldn’t let them hurt you. Never you.” He spoke again, merely a breath away from the blonde, “Katsuki I love you, I would never hurt you.” He spoke, finally connecting the space between them.

Izuku kissed him, he kissed him slowly but before he could move away Katsuki kissed him back. His lips moved in time with Izuku’s and his hands wrapped around green locks, holding on tight with so much desperation, so much want and longing that Izuku could do nothing but cling onto his shirt. Izuku pushed him back against the fridge as the kiss deepened, his tongue finding it’s way inside Katsuki’s mouth, he felt his cheeks become wet but he wasn’t crying, no this time it was Katsuki. Hot tears fell from Katsuki’s eyes and the salt mixed with their exchange of saliva. Before Izuku knew it Katsuki was begging him, as much as he could without separating their bodies he was begging Izuku to stay, begging him to tell him that it was a lie, it was a joke. Begging Izuku to just be okay and all of a sudden he knew what he had to do. Izuku brought his hands up to Katsuki’s neck, caressed it slowly, letting his finger tips drape over the curves and edges and bumps. He felt Katsuki whine into the kiss but he couldn’t give in, not now. Izuku explored his neck with his fingers, eyes closed, he was feeling around in the dark on a terrain that was so familiar to him but so foreign until he found it.

“I’m sorry Kachaan.” He whispered and pressed down.

He felt Katsuki gasp at the pressure. He saw his eyes fly open at the realization and saw betrayal, hurt, anger, everything flashed by in a matter of seconds and then Katsuki Bakugou was a lump on the floor. Izuku bent down and stuck a hand under his nose to check his breathing, everything was okay, he was only unconscious, he would awake in a few hours. Izuku bent down and brushed away the hair from his forehead, he smiled at Katsuki’s peaceful face. Empty of any worry or fear, he bent down and placed a soft kiss against his forehead.

“I love you, I’m sorry.”

Those where the last words Izuku Midoriya said to Katsuki Bakugou. The next morning Katsuki woke up in his bed, he looked around, sat up and felt a stinging pain in his neck. He brought his hand up to it and felt the knot that had grown and his thoughts flashed back to the night before. A strange dream, that was all it was. A strange dream and a bad sleeping position. When he finally made his way downstairs his parents were seated in front of the television, holding hands, silent.

“Oi! Why are you so quiet? Fuckin weird.” He called out, muttering the last bit under his breath.

“Katsuki.” His mother whispered, turning around at his voice. It scared him, his mother never whispered. She screamed, she yelled and she shouted, never whispered.

“Whats going on?” He asked, his voice smaller than usual, much more unsure than usual. His neck was hurting again, he pressed a palm to the aching knot as he stared at his mothers teary eyes.

“Katsuki come here.” His father called, trying his best to keep his voice steady. His eyes where glistening as well.

“No. Tell me what the hell is going on and why you two old bags are crying like little kids.” His heart was pounding in his chest, Katsuki’s lips felt strange. They felt empty, like something was missing and while he glared at his parents he couldn’t help the panic that had started to build in his throat.

“Izuku…” his mother finally said, nothing more than a ghost of a whisper but it was more than enough. In the quiet of the house the name carried across and landed on Katsuki’s ears. He turned his attention to the TV and finally saw it. The footage of paramedics carrying out a stretcher with a blanket covering it.

“Villain Deku, original name Izuku Midoriya, found near Rising Star Apartment Complex in Musutafa City. Officials say he jumped from the terrace of building two, dying on impact. The villain was only fifteen-“

The rest of the reporter was drowned out by Katsuki’s screams. The entire neighborhood heard and the entire neighborhood knew that the angry blonde in house four had learned that his little green haired best friend had killed himself.

I mean this ain’t the first time i’m posting my writing obvi but it is the first time im posting mha here so ofc it had to be angst. pls give me bnha friends okay thank you love you

#bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x deku #bakudeku #bkdk #bkdk angst #angst #izuku midoriya #bnha #mha #my hero academia #izuku midoriya angst #deku angst #villain deku

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