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vcnillazelda · 1 year

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Hi! ^^ I don't know if you're still taking requests. I'm kind of new around here.

So If you can, I'd like to ask for headcanons or a scenario where Ghost / Soap / König has a crush on a recruit girl who is a very skilled sniper, but is constantly underestimated and even excluded by other military personnel for being short and mute?

ghost, soap and könig crushing on mute! recruit! reader

tags: pining, eventual relationship/getting together, confessions, protective! simon, könig’s is really long i’m sorry 😭

johnny and könig under cut

a/n: aaaaa this is adorable

✞———————❖———————✞

ghost

he’s nervous around you ngl

full on like palms sweaty and mild stammering it’s so cute

the fact you’re mute is kind of appealing to him, he likes your company because you don’t bother him like johnny does, you’ll listen if he speaks and offer some communication sometimes albeit his sign language is rusty

the moment he realised he’s in love with you is the first mission you went on. he’s seeking you out, knowing he can’t ask your location because you couldn’t respond. he gets a little anxious due to the lack of communication, it’s what keeps him sane, knowing his colleagues are okay.

he gets you a special radio so you can communicate better, putting an extra button on so you could beep it. one for yes, two for no, three for ‘i’m in danger’, yet simon’s the only one to know about that last one

is extremely impressed by your aim, the moment he saw a sliver of a man in a window you took him down.

back on base, he notices other rookies leaving you out of training, so you’d have no one to train with.

pulls you from that training session and offers private training with him (1. because he wants to help and feels bad you’re being ostracised, 2. because he wants to spend time with you and be close to you).

when he confessed to you and asked if you felt the same he thought it would be the end of everything, but you gave him a kind smile and nodded- simon has never been so happy

he’s nervous about dating, it’s been a long time and he’s not exactly a model lover or a ‘good man’, so you’ll have to be a little patient with him

soon after dating, he sticks around you all the time, hovering in your space whilst you’re practicing longer distance shots

no one dares to leave you out of anything when he’s by your side <3

johnny

he immediately befriends you, happily chatting away- he does enough talking for the both of you

doesnt realise you’re mute at first, he starts to think you don’t like him until you give him a note explaining your situation, he’s so relieved

people leaving you out? not when johnny’s here! he’ll argue with people before pulling you from that training group and into his own- he convinced price pretty easily due to your file being full of good comments from higher ups + your aim was incredible

is literally your best friend when you join 141 and then ghost team, he’s all smiley and talks for you

he doesn’t even need to communicate with you anymore to talk for you, he’s got a sixth sense for that type of thing it’s crazy

the moment he realised he loved you was when he was done arguing with someone about excluding you, then when he walked back to you, you had a sweet smile on your face, thanking him

because you’re short, he’ll 100% use your head as an armrest btw

he confesses in a pretty old-school way, a note, flowers and a sheepish grin on his face

when you hug him tight and nod he’s over the moon, scooping you into a bear hug and kissing your cheek

he’s much more straightforward and quick than simon, so if you feel your relationships moving too fast you’ve got to tell him lol

adores you and always praises your aim on missions

will always stick up for you, no matter what.

will want you to meet his family- and he comes from a large scottish family so be ready for that 😭

will get slightly jealous when you befriend his baby brother, agreeing to play games with him- this wasn’t meant to happen, you two just clicked and now johnny’s stuck between you two

gets all clingy afterwards, asking for your attention back- he’s so childish sometimes aidjdifjdfkdien

loves going out to places with you, so 100% your first date is in a nice restaurant tucked away in a nook in his hometown :)

könig

when he sees you being openly left out of things he genuinely feels for you, considering he was heavily bullied in school

he even gets left out of things now, and he’s one of the top snipers on the force

approaches you, hoping he doesn’t look to intimidating, and asks if you want to train with him

he’s dreading you saying no, but when you smile and accept he’s quite happy

he’s used to training alone, so there’s not much conversation as the two of you work on your aim

eventually, after a few training sessions, he strikes up a few conversations.

gets extremely anxious when you don’t respond, because he’s too busy looking down his scope to look at you, and drops it

you catch on that he’s put off and give him a small note explaining you’re mute

he’s so happy you don’t hate him because deep down he wants to be friends

soon after becoming friends, you don’t care that you’re being left out of things because you just blow them off and go hang out with your extremely tall austrian friend :)

the height difference between you two is very noticeable so some other operators start calling you two ‘big and small’ 😭

you’re the first person he tells his name to, he wants you to trust him and also wants you to know he trusts you

takes time out of his day to learn sign language so the two of you can talk easier, it’s really sweet to peer into his room and see him slowly practicing hand movements

the moment he realised he loved you was when the two of you were in his room, some soft music playing as you wrote something in your journal- you looked perfect in the lamplight and he wanted to kiss you

gets extremely anxious over the idea of liking you more than a friend, he doesn’t want to lose this friendship and has never actually dated anyone before considering he’s such a loner

he asks you out in a completely different way. leaves a note on your bed but isn’t there at all, doesn’t want to face rejection.

it’s easier on him because if you do reject him he can just pretend it never happened because he wasn’t there

when you sign the note saying ‘yes :)’ and leave it on his bed he’s so happy, immediately running to the practice range and hugging you

people ask what happened because it’s so out of character for him to hug someone, and he’ll just state that something good happened

is a very hands on, clingy lover. he’s never been in a relationship before and he didn’t realise at the time how starved he was for any type of affection that wasn’t maternal (he’s a mommas boy come on now)

speaking of which, if you agree to meet his mother he’s gonna kiss you immediately. is so delighted because off base his mother is the most important thing to him

she’s lovely too, never pressures you to talk despite not entirely understanding why you’re mute. gives you plenty of austrian food you’ve probably never had before and gives amazing hugs, she’s so happy her son found a girlfriend :)

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circe69 · 1 year

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Could I please request 21.) zipping up a dress for you - "what, is the zipper stuck or something?" "no, 'm just looking." With Ghost? Like I can just imagine the tension if they weren’t together yet and they were still just in a ‘will they won’t they’ situation omg 😭💕 thank you!

absolutely anon! thanks for participating in my special :)

["what, is the zipper stuck or something?" "no, 'm just looking."]

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 #𝟐𝟏 - 𝐳𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 - ❤︎

This was the worst-case scenario that you could possibly think of. Tonight, the Task Force was holding a banquet as a means of celebrating their recent victory, rescuing Kate Laswell back from being kidnapped. They were holding an auction, all the proceeds were to fund communities around them, specifically to help with missing kids.

The dress you were wearing, or, supposed to wear, was a little less than comfortable. A slim-fitting maroon gown that's zipper was stuck on it's on teeth, and it wasn't even halfway up your back yet.

You sighed as you stared at your backside in the mirror, most of it being completely exposed, showing off some freckles and birthmarks you completely forgot you had, and also some rather ugly scars and scratches from years past.

Thinking about who you could call, everyone was in meetings or preparing for the event themselves, all except for one person.

Ghost.

You rolled your eyes at the thought. He was an amazing solider, the best of the best, obviously, but when it came to making friends or being nice at all, he didn't know what he was doing.

It is different, and you can see that. Making conversation and willingly being kind whilst doing so wasn't the same as aiming a pistol and shooting it, but surely, he had other traits that allowed the former?

You were about to find out.

Picking up your phone in your slightly sweaty and clammy hands, you realized how stressed you really were. You dialed his number, his contact's name not even attached to it because you never bothered.

"Hello?" A deep voice spoke from the other side of the phone.

You inhaled sharply, and he immediately recognized who it was.

"Oh great, it's you," he spoke, and you could tell his mouth was stretched into a sly smile.

"Yes, it's me, I need help."

You heard Ghost shuffle around quickly, maybe even a knife being thrown out of its pocket, "What's wrong?"

Walking over to unlock the front door to hopefully let him in later, you balanced your phone between your bare shoulder and cheek, "No, nothing- nothing's seriously wrong, my dress just won't zip up and everyone else is busy."

Silence. You and Ghost marinated in it for a few seconds, and you swear you heard his tongue click against his teeth, something he only did when he was excited.

You heard him stand from his chair over the phone, "So I was the last resort? That's kinda mean, don't ya think?"

He was having a ball with this, but you on the other hand, your back was chilly and both of you had to be somewhere in less than an hour, so you wanted this show to get on the road.

"Just hurry up and GET. IN. HERE." Your words became decreased to nothing but a whispered shout at the end of your sentence, signaling how serious you were.

"Sheesh, woman, I'll be right the-"

You hung up before he could finish his sentence, and did one last look in the mirror to make sure nothing too scandalous was showing. It wasn't even 5 minutes that passed when there was a knock on your door.

"Come in," you yelled from your place in the bedroom. You heard the door creak open, "I'm in my room."

The sound of loafers clicking on your floor filled the hallway and echoing off the walls, right into your ears. You paused for a moment, realizing if Ghost was attending this event, he'd be dressed up too. That was something you weren't prepared to see.

He walked in, one hand in his pocket and the other fixing his simple black mask. No skull, no dirt, no face paint, no blood splattered. It was somehow classy. Ghost wore a regular black tux, a black tie tucked into his blazer, and a pristine white shirt peeking out from underneath it all.

It was safe to say the both of you were impressed with each other's outfits. His eyes skimmed over you, stopping right when he got to your hips. The red dress hugged them perfectly, dropping down into a regular A-line below. The train dragged on the ground, a few sparkles gently appearing at the edge.

"Wow."

You smiled at his loss for words. "Wow yourself, you look great. Now please, zip this thing up." You turned around, your bare back now facing Ghost, and his breath faltered at the sight. He took a few steps towards you without saying anything.

He was so close, you could feel his breath on your neck, it was deep and heavy, the way he was breathing. Like he was nervous, or excited, or maybe both. His hands were hesitant, but you slightly flinched as his fingers softly traced the slope of your back, slowly moving up and down. It was so soft, you weren't sure if he was even touching you at times, but instead just basking in the heat you were radiating.

"Is it really stuck? I might just have to ditch it if it's not working," you said, not sure if you were talking to yourself or him anymore.

"No, I'm - 'm just looking."

Your jaw slightly unhinged at his blatant confession. Just looking?

Finally, his fingers dipped lower to reach the zipper, and you shivered at the feeling.

"Hm. You ticklish?" He said as he slowly pulled up the zipper, leaving a finger in front so he could trace the entirety of your spine one last time.

"No," you said breathily. He didn't need to know how dizzy his touch was making you.

"Not really in any hurry, are we now?" His voice was dangerously low, seductively teasing you, and you loved it.

You shivered once more when his fingers reached the top of your back, drawing a small circle with his pointer finger on your skin.

"You have a birthmark there."

Humming in response, you turned around to face him. "Yes."

"You had a few more, but I was scared if I touched them, you'd freak out."

He started to walk out, looking both ways out the dark hallway as if he was crossing a street.

"I wouldn't freak out." You blurted, making him stop in his tracks, "You don't have to worry about that."

He nodded and said over his shoulder, "Noted."

#ghost x reader #ghost x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #modern warfare #simon riley fluff #ghost fluff #ghost x y/n #simon riley x you #circe69scribbles #circes1kevent

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casual-tarot · 11 months

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Pick a pile: details about the day you'll meet your soulmate

Note: This is all just for fun! Take everything said here with a grain of salt! And excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes, I haven't proofread this lol.

Pile 1:

Birds keep popping up, I think you'll hear or see a LOT of birds that day, you might even see a nest of baby birds too.

Rainbows for some of you. It might be a day something good is happening at work, maybe a promotion or something?

I think it might be the opposite, getting written up or fired. Take what resonates, that's not a message for everyone.

I'm seeing a city? Maybe a walk in the city or going shopping.

For some I'm seeing a "bad" neighborhood lol.

I think it's likely going to be a sunny day.

I don't think you're going to realize it's a special day, you'll be too preoccupied with whatever else is going on that day that you won't be thinking about the potential for something like this to happen. It'll come as a surprise and you won't even realize the person you met is going to be special to you in any way.

I think this will be a day of growth for you, gaining experience and/or getting wiser.

I think on this day, you will either be very optimistic or need a lot of optimism, and I think this will effect how you will each meet your person. They might be drawn to your cheer or might give you a little pick me up.

Whatever is happening to you That day, good or bad, I think you're going to want to slow down and take a breath. Maybe to calm down or ease your excitement/anxiety.

Additional signs and details: The color dark blue. The night sky, Stars, North, Crystal's, Amethyst, Webs, Spiders, waning gibbous moon, full moon, 12, 10, 9, 99, 999

Pile 2:

I'm getting the vibe that you might be very busy?

For some of you I think it's going to be a sunny day, maybe in summer or spring?

But for some reason I think a majority of you are going to meet them on a snowy day. If it doesn't snow wherever you are when you meet them, then probably just a really really cold day.

I think you will be kind of stressed?

Even despite all these factors, I think that some of you will come across someone that could use some help(maybe someone homeless?) and you or your person will likely stop to help them in some way?

Maybe you meet because of this? Or at least one of you sees the other person doing this and it catches your/their attention.

You might meet them in the morning, maybe on your way to work.

I think some of you will be coming out of hermit mode, as in you'll get out of the house for the first time in a little while.

I think part of the reason you will be stressed is because you will be working really hard at your job, maybe aiming for a promotion or raise. This doesn't feel negative though, it feels determined. I think you will have that mindset the day you meet them.

For a small amount of you, I think you may meet this person on Christmas, or maybe even new years.

I'm seeing snowy night. Especially for those of you that work at night.

I think you might be called to get out of your comfort zone somehow. Whether that be talking to a stranger or taking the long way around to work, I think you'll have an inexplicable urge to do something different.

I think for a lot of you, your soulmate will be the one to help someone, and it will really make you stop and think, maybe even admire them. You might consider helping your community more.

I have a feeling that you'll just know that that day will be different. That urge pulling you out of your comfort zone, or that first conversation you have with them, I think something will tell you, "this is important. This is different. Something about this is different. "

Adittional Signs and Details: Coffee, Morning Coffee, Snow, Charity, Big Cities, New York, Night Shift, Christmas, Winter Holidays, New Year's, Snowy Night's, Under a Streetlamp, Light in the Darkness, New Moon, Starry Night, North, East, 3rd Eye, Ambitious/Ambition, Ambivert, "You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun." 3, 4, 2, 12, 44, 444, The book "Strange Grace" by Tessa Gratton, Voice in teh back of your head telling you "this is right," the middle path, The Sun, A sunny day, The Sun between branches, creative block or work slump

Pile 3:

I'm called to use an extra oracle deck for this group specifically, so these are four messages I've pulled out for you:

Treat your body like the palace it is(Mirror, 4)

It's time for healing, not war(Castle, 30)

We're all just stardust(Universe, 31)

Every hurricane comes to an end(Storm, 44)

On to the rest of the reading!

You may have been drawn to one or both of the other piles, this reading shares similar messages to pile 1 and similar signs to pile 2.

I think it's going to be a very good day for you, even before meeting them

I think that you will have had a tower moment, something that had really rattled you in some way and forced you to deal with certain problems, and I think on this day you finally are moving past it. This is the first day you've happily come to terms with what has happened and can smile again.

For some of you, this may be cutting someone out. You will realize that someone in your life that has been bothering you in some way, really isn’t worth all the time you put into dealing with them. This doesn't have to be aggressive, it could just be a silent ghosting. On this day you will feel free from the shackles they've kept you in.

I think your hard work(emotionally/mentally)will be rewarded, likely the reward will be your soulmate. And you'll realize that there is still work to be done, but you are happy to do it and get past it.

I'm getting the vibe that some of you are going through a hard time right now and I want you to know it will pass. This is your future, whether that be today, or in a decade, and all the work getting there will be so worth it. I also think you need to know that this slump will pass soon.

I think you will finally be putting yourself first.

You will be full of positive energy on this day.

Your creative energy and/or ambitious will be at an all time high, you will be very passionate about what you're creating/your work.

You will be looking inside yourself and see the growth you've done, and you will be proud. You will pat yourself on the back for it.

You will be very present in the moment, and may have to remind yourself not to get lost in thought, knowing you may spiral. I feel like you'll be successful in that.

It will be a new beginning, and you will know it.

You are the main character of this story.

Adittional Signs and Details: Waxing moon, Castle, birds, rainbows(for some), nests, ocean, night sky, Knives and swords, the sunset, hard work, dirt, earth, fire, lava, volcano, tower, lighting, mirror, hands, black nail polish, stars, the universe, storms, 4, 44, 444, 4444, 31, 30, water Droplets, 8, 88, 888, 5 stars, first quarter moon, Libra, Pisces, Scorpio, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, April, Fire signs and fire sign energy, Mars, Saturn, The Sun, 1, 11, 111, 6, 7

#tarot reading #intuition #tarot #witchblr #free tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #pac #pick a photo #soulmate reading #soulmate tarot reading #love reading #love tarot reading #tarot love reading #free tarot reading #casual tarot reading

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hyunsvngs · 2 months

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You've convinced me that Han Jisung has a piss kink, like it's just canon in my head at this point.

I feel like he'd be the type of boyfriend with no boundaries. If you live together and there's only one bathroom, he's coming in with you (even if there are multiple bathrooms he'd see peeing and showering as communal activities).

Butttt I feel like he'd be nervous admitting he wants to experiment with piss sexually so he'd try and show you and hope you catch on. Like imagine you get in from a long drive and you're both dying to pee so you race to the bathroom and you beat him there but he says he can't hold it and asks to just pee through your legs.

You're too desperate to argue about it so you sit on the toilet and he's standing over you pulling his pants down and you both start to pee. The noises he makes are ungodly and at first you're just like damn he really needed to go but then you realise he's staring at you with those gorgeous cheeks all flushed. He's gripping his chubby little cock and gushing pee but you know that look in his eyes.

You press your legs closer together so the gap he's peeing through gets smaller and some of it splashes on your thighs. It's warm and surprisingly pleasant and you see his cock jump as he gasps at your actions. Then you get bold and reach out to rub your thumb right over his slit so that his stream soaks your hand.

"Fuck baby…" he whimpers.

You sit back and spread your legs wide, running your hand dripping with pee - HIS pee - over your stomach. "Do it Sungie, I know you want to."

He doesn't need to be told twice. He aims his still spurting cock right at your clit and you both let out the loudest moans. The pressure of his pee is so intense from how bad he needed to go you almost come on the spot.

His legs are trembling and his head is thrown back in ecstacy. He's running his dirty little mouth of course but it's an unintelligible mess. "Ohmyfuckinggodbabyyesyesyessofuckinggood."

Finally, his stream trickles off and your pussy, stomach and thighs are soaked in his pee. It splashed up almost to your tits and he just about faints when you swirl your finger in the mess then suck it off.

"Mmm, you taste so good my sweet boy." Your finger pops out with a wet smack. "But I bet you're even sweeter at the source."

You grab his hips, digging your nails into his soft honey-toned thighs, and pull him towards you to take his already hard cock into your mouth. Poor baby is so overwhelmed with pleasure that he can only moan and whimper for the few seconds it takes to make him explode down your throat.

---

That was fun to write. I thought you might appreciate it haha

I'm tempted to write more of these for the other members - could I be an anon? I don't mind which emoji, any that's free x

I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT I NEED TO KNOW. I REALLY AM IN LOVE WITH YOU…….

IM TRYING TO THINK OF AN EMOJI HANG ON IM KINDA STONED RN.

what about THIS: 😺

#juno’s asks ♡#😺 anon 💌#PISS!#asks: jisung

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alkalinefrog · 9 months

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Hey Alka, I had a quick question for you (whenever you have the time to answer or even if you have the time), I've been taking some storyboard classes and with my illustration background, it's been hard to really find a good shorthand for characters to really get that anatomy/gesture looking right without it being too sketchy and unreadable.

How long did it take you to find your storyboard shorthand, and what exercises would you recommend to try to find it? I'm sure it just takes time and practice, I've been doing a lot more studies and gesture drawings (currently following along all the free Glenn Vilppu videos I can find on youtube) but I wanted to ask you as well because I am in love with how fluid your anatomy is, and how clear your storyboards read. And those hands my god you're a wizard!!!

Thanks a bunch, have a wonderful day!

Heya Secret, great to hear from ya! Well, what you don’t see online is how gross the rough stage of my boards can get LMFAO. Most of the boards I post are actually overly cleaned up because I'm just doing them for fun and can afford the time! I'm not really sure how long it took to develop my shorthand, I've never really enjoyed drawing detail to begin with, so when I decided to go into boarding I kinda just leaned into it!

I’ve covered a bunch of gesture drawing exercises already if you scroll through my advice tag, but ***once you have a good foundation*** here's some stuff you can try!

First you'll want to build up an arsenal of anatomy hacks you can always fallback on, particularly for complex parts of the body. The less time you spend on details, the more time you have to focus on the overall pose and storytelling. Aim to find ways to draw with as FEW lines as possible. If I had to make a list to streamline what to practice:

Head shapes - find the most efficient way to draw the front + 3/4 + side view in as few lines as possible (the challenge is still making them look structured with dimension)

Eyes - are SO important for expressions! Unless your project has characters with dot eyes, you're going to need to find a quick way to do the circle and iris in as few lines as possible. Make sure you can convey where they're looking

Hands - fists (you'll be drawing a lot of people holding poles), open palms at various angles, foreshortened fingers pointing at viewer, fingers making grabby motions----protips: 1) half the time all you need is a vague triangle/rectangle plus thumb sticking up and that's a hand 2) if the hand is relaxed, you probably don't need to draw the knuckles. Save some time!

Feet - just learn how to make sure they look like they're standing on the ground, and do some studies of what they look like when you're running. Otherwise you can usually get away with a vague shoe or boot shape (just add toe lines if they're not wearing any)

----everything else you'll practice as you go!

Jump from SUPER rough straight into clean boards to really force yourself to be economic. I've done each of these methods for work before:

Before you start boarding with a character, sketch them a few times with the intention of simplifying their design while keeping them recognizable:

You'd be surprised how little you need to recognize a character:

Depending on the scene, you can adjust how much detail you want to include:

Stay loose/more generalized with action, especially for the "inbetweens" between key poses. Clean up enough to communicate movement and make the character recognizable.

If the character's small on screen in a wide shot, edit out most details and focus on the silhouette

Save the detail work for character acting, when you really want to be specific with their expressions and gestures.

But outside of all that, be bold and fearless!! Everyone has that stage where their boards look like spaghetti! Boarding is like handwriting; you could have really shitty chicken scratch, but if you're writing beautiful poetry, who cares!

god I love drawing hands you don’t even know thank you so much!! Good luck dude!! You’ve more than got this!!

#my art #advice #ask #secretsivekept #you got this!#sorry this took a while! my mental health was in the pits for a solid couple weeks #getting better now though!#storyboards

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sissylittlefeather · 1 month

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Your Love's Been a Long Time Coming: Chapter 1

A/N: Ahhhhh a new series!!! This is the one that won the poll, so I hope y'all love it! Also, I decided to play with POV on this one, so I'm telling it from Elvis's perspective. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments!!

ICYMI, this is the Elvis x OC Vivian Choquette series. Want to learn more about her? Here.

PS- I love you @ccab for loving Vivian as much as I do before I even write the story!

Warnings: Not much, this is gonna start slow, but trust me, it'll heat up. Kissing, cussing, alcohol use, smoking

Word count: ~2.4k

By September of '59, Elvis was used to the army. He was used to the routine, used to the work, used to the people, used to the fans, and used to looking for a good time wherever he could find it. On this particular night, he found it at a party at his own house in Bad Nauheim. All his friends were there, along with a plethora of girls to keep everyone interested. Elvis moved through the party easily, making small talk and keeping everyone stocked on drinks, despite the fact that he didn't have any himself. Sometimes he imbibed, but usually he didn't. Although his beloved mama was gone, what he learned from her still lived in the forefront of his memory. That is, unless he found himself at the Moulin Rouge. But that was different. Here at his own house, he preferred to remain in control.

Despite having a girlfriend back at home, he moves through the house looking for a girl to talk to. That's when he notices her in a corner, her dark hair swept into a low ponytail and blue eyes glancing lazily around the room. She almost seems bored. So much so that she turns to the bookshelf that came with the house and pulls a book down. She opens it and begins to read. Elvis is intrigued by the kind of woman who reads at a party. He begins to walk over to her and realizes that the book is in French. He panics for a second and then remembers that the guys taught him a phrase in French. Surely he can figure out how to communicate with her. Besides, most of these French girls speak a little English.

He swaggers up to her, ready to try out his French. He stands there in front of her for a minute before she looks up at him.

"Bonjour."

"Mhmm." She looks down at her book, but he doesn't leave. He's suddenly nervous, but he decides to risk it. She's pretty enough that it might be worth it.

"Uhh, est-ce que tu aimes le sexe?"

She looks up at him suddenly and laughs.

"What? Did I pronounce it wrong?" She laughs even harder. When she finally catches her breath, she holds up a hand.

"First of all, I speak English. Second of all, please don't ever say that to anyone ever again."

"Oh. Why?"

"You just asked me if I like sex."

"What?! Those motherfu- I mean, those jerks. They told me it meant 'how are you'."

"And you believed them? It literally has the word 'sex' in it."

"Well, I don't know! I don't speak French!"

"Obviously." She looks back down at her book. He's not ready to give up, though.

"Hey, if you speak English, why are you reading in French?"

"My mother was French. I speak and read it because of her." She answers without looking up from the page.

"Was?"

"She's been gone for a while now. I live with my stepdad. He's an officer in the army." He feels the pain of having lost his mother too soon and looks at her with even more softness and affection than he did before.

"I'm Elvis." She looks up at him.

"I know." He nods and she notices the look he's giving her. "You know, I'm actually here with someone."

"Oh?"

"Mhmm." She points across the party to Charlie, who's making his way to her with drinks.

"Charlie?!"

"Yes."

"Well, goddamn." Charlie makes it over to them and hands her one of the drinks. He throws his arm around her casually and looks up at Elvis.

"Hey buddy. I see you met my lady."

"Well, not officially..." She holds her hand out to him.

"Vivian Choquette. Nice to meet you, Elvis Presley." He takes her hand and has the strangest urge to kiss it, but he'd never do such a thing with Charlie right there. He's been a good friend to Elvis, so no matter how much he likes her, he won't risk their friendship. Instead, he shakes her hand like he would if she was a man.

"Yeah, likewise." Elvis nods awkwardly and then turns to go back to the party. It's too bad that she's there with Charlie. He wanders around a little more, before he sees a girl that will change the trajectory of his whole life. Still, he never forgets the girl he met first.

******

The next day, Elvis sits at lunch with Charlie.

"So what did you think of my girl?" Elvis chokes a little on his food and tries to think of how he can answer without letting on that he hasn't stopped thinking about her.

"Oh, she's... she's somethin' else."

"Ain't she? I saw you talking to that cute little thing though. She seemed like somethin' else too."

"Priscilla? Oh, yeah."

"Little young, though."

"Yeah..." Elvis tries to focus on Priscilla, but all he can think about is Vivian. If she wasn't with Charlie, she'd be exactly what he's looking for. He's not sure how he knows that based on the half of a conversation they had, but something about her just draws him to her. Maybe it's the fact that she seems deeper than most of the girls he's encountered. Maybe it's because she didn't fall all over herself to talk to him. Maybe it's because she understands the pain of losing a parent. Whatever the reason, he can't stop wishing that she hadn't met Charlie first.

******

About three weeks later, Elvis is walking around town and he passes a cafe. He doesn't think much of it until he sees someone he recognizes sitting at one of the little tables. His heart jumps a bit at the thought of talking to her again. Then, he remembers Charlie with his arm around her. He decides to keep walking, but as he gets a little closer, he notices her shoulders are shaking. She's got her long, dark hair in her face, so he can't see her eyes, but it looks like she might be crying. He can't let her sit there alone if that's the case.

He cautiously approaches the table and realizes he was right. Her sniffling is quiet, but he can hear it. She's got a lit cigarette in one hand, and it looks like she's forgotten it's there. Her other hand fiddles with her coffee cup on its saucer. When he gets to her, he's not exactly sure what to do. He didn't have much of a plan beyond walking to the table. After hesitating for a second, he pulls the chair across from her out to sit in, but it makes a horrible screeching sound and she looks up startled.

"What the f-"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. It's just me."

"God, Elvis, you scared me."

"I'm sorry, honey, can I sit down?" She wipes her face and nods.

"Yeah, sure, I guess so." He sits down across from her and watches as she puts out her cigarette and continues trying to wipe her face clean.

"Are you... are you alright?"

"Ha! Yeah, I'm just fine." She pulls out another cigarette and lights it. They sit in silence for a bit while Elvis tries to think of what to say.

"You sure?" Vivian takes a puff of her cigarette and blows it straight up into the air.

"Do I look alright?" Elvis hesitates. He wants to say that she looks beautiful, but it doesn't feel appropriate.

"You seem upset."

"You're very observant." She responds spitefully. He looks down at his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry; that was rude. You're not the one that cheated on me and abandoned me."

"No... Charlie?" She takes a drag and holds her breath, nodding. Finally, she has to exhale, so she does and then starts to cry again. It's killing Elvis to sit there and watch her cry without doing something about it. He stands up and offers her his hand. "Come on."

"What? Where are we going?"

"My house is only a block from here. You can cry in private." She looks up at him and he can tell she's thinking about saying no. "I won't hurt you. Come on."

She puts her cigarette out and grabs her purse, taking the hand he offered her. They walk in silence to his house, but they continue to hold hands. When he finally gets her settled on the sofa, he sits next to her and leans back, spreading his legs wide. He's trying to indicate that she can relax and sit comfortably too. To his utter shock, she slips her shoes off and tucks her feet up under herself, also getting comfortable.

"So, he cheated on you?"

"Well, I guess that's not exactly fair."

"What do you mean?"

"I was the one he cheated with. Turns out he's been writing letters to another girl for a while."

"Ohhhh... and you found out about it." He thinks about the girl he writes letters to at home. What would she think of him here on the couch with this girl.

"Yes. I didn't want to be the other woman. Besides I thought he... well... it's stupid."

"What did you think?"

"I thought he wanted to marry me." Elvis's eyebrows shoot straight up before he can stop them. He never thought of Charlie as the marrying kind. Then again, he can understand not wanting to let Vivian go. "See, even you think I'm stupid."

"No, I don't. I think you just had hope. There's nothing wrong with that."

"There is if you're me." He sits up and looks into her eyes. The sadness rolling off of her is about to kill him.

"Why do you say that?" She looks up trying to keep herself from crying, but it doesn't work and fat teardrops slide down her cheeks.

"Everybody leaves me. My father left me. Then my mother left me. The first boy I loved. And now Charlie. Why does everyone leave? What's wrong with me?"

He scoots close to her and pulls her into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. She doesn't object. Instead she lets herself be comforted as she continues to cry. He strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head. The pain of loss is something he's all too familiar with. He takes her face in the palm of his hand and looks into her eyes.

"Viv, this is not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you. I know what it's like to lose people too soon and it hurts. But it's not because of you."

"Why does it feel like no one wants me?" This smashes his heart into a thousand pieces. He wants her so badly it hurts.

"That can't possibly be true." Just tell her. Say it. Say 'I want you.' He wills himself to tell her the truth, but he just can't.

"You're sweet, Elvis." He smiles awkwardly and tries to ignore the fact that she pats his thigh. She leans her head on his shoulder again and snuggles into the side of his body. He knows she's just seeking comfort, so he tries to stay focused on being that. But he is a young man and she is a girl with her hand on his thigh and his imagination is running wild with what would happen if he carried her to his bedroom. He swallows deeply and begs his body not to respond physically to what's in his mind.

Still, there's an electric charge in the air that she has to notice too. Almost at the same time, they pull back and look into each other's eyes. He puts his knuckle under her chin and looks down at her lips. When she closes her eyes, he knows he has the green light, so he leans in and softly presses his lips to hers. Something bubbles up inside him and his hands begin to tremble. He backs up slightly and hovers just above her lips. They both smile and he dives back in for a deeper kiss, dipping his tongue into her mouth to slide against hers. She nibbles on his bottom lip a little and he groans. His hands rest on her hips in an attempt to get them to stop shaking and he eventually lifts her into his lap to straddle him. The intensity of their kissing increases as his hands roam over her body.

Suddenly, she pulls back breathlessly.

"Wait. Elvis, do you have a girlfriend back home?" His mouth pops open. He's not sure how to answer. Yes, he has Anita at home, but for the right girl, for her, he'd end that in a heartbeat. "Answer the question."

"Well... I-I-I..."

"That's all I need to hear." She peels herself off of him and stands up, smoothing her hair.

"No, honey, wait-"

"No. You're basically doing the same thing that Charlie just did. All you G.I.s are the same."

"Hon, please-"

"My name is Vivian!"

"Viv, just, don't leave..." she tries to put her heels back on and stumbles to get the second one on. He uses both hands to steady her as she does.

"Elvis, no. Good luck with Priscilla."

"Wait-?"

"You know she's 14."

"She's 14?!"

"So, you know, have fun with that." Vivian stomps towards the door with him close on her heels. He doesn't know how to make her understand that she's all he wants. Priscilla, Anita, none of them compare to her. But he doesn't know how to say that, so instead he watches as she walks out his front door, catches a cab, and disappears from his life.

******

Or so he thinks. In 1961, Elvis is home from the army and back to his film career. In March, he leaves the continental US to get ready to film Blue Hawaii. He arrives and goes to a cast meeting on set where the director is excited to introduce his costar. His first view of her is from behind and his heart skips. Surely it can't be?

"This is Vivian Choquette. She'll be playing your girlfriend, Maile Duval." She turns to face him and smiles awkwardly. Elvis tries to hide his excitement, hoping his trembling hands won't give him away.

"Hello again..."

******

Until chapter 2. Thoughts so far?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax

#elvis presley #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis fanfic #elvis #elvis presley fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis fic #elvis presley fanfic #elvis x oc #elvis presley x oc #Elvis x Vivian choquette #Vivian Choquette #your loves been a long time coming #ylbaltc

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moons-of-dewclan · 2 months

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I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

#kasks

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edenfenixblogs · 2 months

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Hey, I came from your post about Night. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while now, but I’ve heard that the English version is very watered down and stripped of the original emotions that are in the Yiddish version. Do you know if there are any more accurate English translations, or if the Hebrew one is more like the original? Sorry if you’re not the right person to ask about this, you just seem quite knowledgeable

(also coming from my vent account so I don’t get any hate on main for being a Jew lol)

No worries at all, @nonbinary-vents:

I want to be clear about something: My post was aimed at goyim.

You are a Jewish person, and reading this book (especially if you haven't read any other accounts of experiences in concentration camps) may be an important thing for you to do. And I'd cautiously encourage you to do so if you feel emotionally stable. But you do not need to worry about the experience of this book feeling watered down.

If you are Jewish and not in a very stable emotional state, do not read this book. Do not cause yourself harm.

(If you are goyiscshe, you should challenge yourself and force yourself to read this book. Obviously if you are in an actual emotional/psychological crisis or dealing with the death or illness of a loved one, then you are the only goyim who has an excuse not to read this book. No matter who you are, do not read this book if it will cause you actual mental harm or drive you to somehow cause yourself physical harm. But if it will make you upset, depressed, panicked at your own failings, or other extremely unpleasant but ultimately human discomfort, then you should read this book. Jews don't get a choice about knowing this shit, because knowing this shit is how we survive. And you NOT knowing this shit is what makes it so easy for you to dismiss and target us over and over and over again. You should be uncomfortable. You should feel guilty. Because unless you're actively learning how to disentangle yourself from the antisemitism that led to The Holocaust, then you are actively participating in thee fomentation of another. And that should horrify you.)

Sure, I bet this book is even more haunting and visceral in the original Yiddish. I've spoken recently about how hard Jewish language is to translate to English.

But there is no world in which this book will feel watered down to you.

@nonbinary-vents This book will haunt you. This book will change you. This book will challenge your faith and your ability to trust people.

Remember going in that Judaism asks us not to separate ourselves from our community--not just our Jewish community, but any community in which we find ourselves. Resist the urge this book may stir within you to become insular and fearful of goyim. That is not our way. We are a part of the communities and cultures and nations in which we find ourselves. And we must do good for those communities, because that is what we are called to do. The lesson of this book for Jews is different than the lesson of this book for goyim.

The lesson of this book for Jews -- in fact, the lesson of "Never Again" for Jews -- is that we cannot ever allow this to happen to ourselves again. No, of course, I am not blaming Jews for the Holocaust and if anyone thinks that's what I'm arguing here, then they can fuck off.

The lesson of this book for Jews is that we must never again let fear hold us back from fighting for ourselves. If he world calls upon us to die, we must refuse. Refuse to put ourselves on a list. Refuse to follow our oppressors' directions to the ghetto. Refusal to get on the train or to enter the gas chamber. And we must refuse to be silent for other people's comfort. While it is a Jewish imperative to believe that every human being is capable of kindness and has inherent goodness within them, we can never again trust that the kindness and goodness they possess will ever be directed at us. There was the very understandable thought back when this all started that if we just complied--if we were just willing to suffer a little bit by moving to the ghettos or registering on the lists of Jews the Nazis demanded or carried our papers with us at all time and wore our stars just as they said --then they would eventually realize we were good citizens. They would eventually realize we were just people like them doing their best to live quiet lives and follow the rules. People believed that, if we just complied, they'd remember their humanity and our own. If we just complied and let ourselves suffer, hen maybe our friends and loved one would be safe.

But that was a lie we told ourselves.

No amount of compliance or agree-ability or self-sacrifice will ever make someone who sees Jews as evil and subhuman realize that Jews are actually just human beings like everyone else. Compliance will never ensure our safety; it will just make us easier to kill. Compliance won't make antisemites see us as human; it will only ever make them see us -- at best -- as agreeable livestock.

(although I doubt any farmer would treat their animals as cruelly as Nazis and their supporters treated us).

I am not advocating for violence. But I advocating for discomfort and defense. That is why I am on here every day writing the things I write. I will not shut up for the comfort of people who don't care about my life or my safety. And neither should you. Neither should any of us. I will not allow antisemites to co-opt our own tragedies to demonize us further while casting themselves as warriors for justice.

No, we should not take to the streets and start harming goyim. But if the day comes that they once again start to round us up, I for one will tear those Nazis a-fucking-part with my bare hands. And if they live to have children and grandchildren of their own, they will have to explain to their children and grandchildren that they got the scars on their face and the missing eyeball because the Jew they were trying to murder wouldn't submit quietly.

And if this seems like a hyperbolic and absurd hypothetical to anyone reading this? Well, yeah. It seemed like one back then, too.

(And if any goyim chose to read "Night" by Elie Wiesel because of my post, please tell me. Please engage. I cannot be emphatic enough about this. If you are willing to read night in the way I asked of you in my post, then please do reach out to me with your experience and thoughts. Because that's the whole point. Jews need you to listen and engage with us about our own suffering. We need you to consider your impact on us and to not run away from that guilt or from us. If any of you are willing to read this book in the way that I have asked of you, please please please don't keep your experience to yourself. A lot of Jews desperately need to see goysiche growth in understanding antisemitism and its affects. I don't think you can even imagine how scared and lonely we are right now)

#ask me stuff #nonbinary-vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #deconstruction #Shoah TW #Holocaust TW #Genocide TW #I don't care about my oppressors' discomfort #Or their opinions about my own morals #If you don't care about Jewish suffering then I don't value your opinion #I live in fear of your opinion #Your opinion makes me actively endangered #your apathy makes me actively endangered #But your opinion's value is worth rat's diarrhea to me #it is nothing

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acewritesfics · 1 month

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Baseball Bat | Jax Teller

Pairing: Jax Teller x Fem!Reader

Request: Requested for a Celebration. Repost from my old account.

Synopsis: Prompt - "Jesus Christ! What the fuck were you thinking?"

Warnings: Swearing, vandalism, threats, mentions of cheating, implied past FWB relationship. This may be a little chaotic.

Word Count: 938

Main Masterlist

"I don't want to trouble you, Baby, but Adam is here. He's trying to persuade the prospect to have someone look at his car. He's refusing to leave."

Y/N glances up to Gemma from the Teller-Morrow office desk. She was stepping in for Gemma who had a bunch of errands to run this morning. The SAMCRO matriarch just got back to the lot a minute ago. Y/N lets out a frustrated sigh, her brows creasing into a scowl as she bites the inside of her cheek, contemplating how she may finally get rid of her ex-husband without murdering him. Her gaze is drawn to the baseball bat resting against the wall near the entryway.

"I'll look at it," she offers as she stands up and walks out the door, grabbing the baseball bat on the way out, ignoring Gemma's pleas.

"Oh Sweetie, I didn't realise you were working today," Adam comments as she approaches him, swinging the bat in small circles.

"We've been divorced for six months; I'm no longer your sweetie," she glares at him, issuing a final warning. "You need to leave and never return."

"I'm not leaving until someone looks at my car," he stands his ground, angering her even more.

"Is this it?" she wonders as she moves in front of the flashy new Mustang sitting in the lot. "Is this the most recent model?" she asks, looking back at him.

"It is," he says smugly, pride shining in his eyes as Jax and Opie pull into the Teller-Morrow parking lot.

Adam raises his head and puffs out his chest as he watches Jax get off his motorcycle and remove his helmet, his blue eyes fixated on her and Adam and looking to jump in if she needs him. She rolls her eyes now that she knows why Adam discovered his confidence and stopped by.

He wanted to flaunt about his new car in front of Jax, reminding him of how much of 'better man' he is than him, and how he, as a wealthy businessman with community ties, was able to marry Y/N when Jax was nothing more than a fuck buddy after Tara left him. Adam believed a beautiful, shiny new car would be enough to wow her and get under Jax's skin. He was far more stupid than she realized.

"It's nice," she says, appearing to be impressed as she looks over it. "It would be unfortunate if someone…" She fades out as she swings the bat, smashing one of the side mirrors.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Adam exclaims, his eyes wide with disbelief that she actually did it. When he moves to grab her, she swings the bat at him, warning him not to touch her.

"It slipped," she mutters as she swings again, cracking the windshield.

"YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!" he screams at her.

"AM I CRAZY?" She yells back, her face set as though he just offended her. "For a year, you cheated on me! You won't leave me alone! You are the one who believes this car," She pauses, swinging again at the car, destroying another window before aiming the bat at him. "will make an impression on me and get under Jax's skin! And you're the one who's still trying to rub our long over relationship in Jax's face! But, no, I'm the crazy one?" She scoffs and shakes her head. "You're the crazy one; now get out of here before I use this on you."

When he doesn't move, she glances over at Jax and Opie, but Opie has already left. She drops the bat on the ground and walks up to Jax, who is sitting sideways on his Harley with a smug smile on his face.

"Quite the show, darling."

"Shut up," she grumbles as she grabs his face and pulls him in for a rough kiss. Instead of pulling away like she intended to do, she melts into him as his arms wrap around her, holding her tightly against him. She'd forgotten how amazing it felt to kiss Jax Teller and cursed herself for not doing it again sooner.

They didn't move until they heard someone clearing their throat behind Y/N. She turns to face the person, finding Gemma with her hands on her hips, a frown on her face but pride in her eyes.

"Jesus Christ! What the fuck were you thinking?" She chastises her.

"I got rid of him, didn't I?" Y/N smirks as she looks behind Gemma to see Adam and the mustang have vanished.

"And he could call the cops on you," sighs Gemma, shaking her head.

"We all know he won't. He's a coward," she reminds Gemma of how he was too afraid to fight the divorce in court, as he had promised when she announced her intentions for one after discovering he had been cheating on her with his coworker.

Gemma's judgmental sneer transforms into a smirk. "Does this mean you'll give my son another chance?"

"I may need a bit more convincing," she quips.

"You kissed me," he says as he spins her around to face him again. "Maybe I'm the one who has to be convinced."

"He's been chasing your pussy for years, he won't need much convincing," she hears Gemma scoff before walking away, causing her to laugh and look up at him.

"Don't laugh," he says, his lips smirking.

"What are you going to do about it?" she asks. "Take a baseball bat to my car?"

"I'll leave bashing people's cars with baseball bats to you," he laughs before letting her go and taking her hand in his as he leads her inside the clubhouse.

#jax teller #jax teller x reader #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy x reader

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a-world-with0ut-dr34ms · 8 months

Text

Ghost x City Girl Reader

You expected Ghost to leave you before the morning; he usually does. However, you're surprised to see him rush to your aid after being woken up by violent night terrors. A sweet and unexpected moment between you, that only ends as quickly as it began.

Tags: Romance, Drama, slight Hurt/Comfort, slight Angst, Intimacy, Fluff that turns sour, Mask-Kissing, Arguing, Swearing, Enemies to Lovers, FWB, Jealousy, Toxic Relationships, "Couples", Arguing, Swearing, A Little Melodramatic, I'm aiming for something more real though, Reader is somewhat bratty and immature, Ghost is bad at communicating his feelings, Damaged people not knowing how to talk to each other and let their walls down, reader has night terrors, I wanted representation!

WC: 4.5k~

Author's Note: I'm back from Vegas! I was on a drunken bender on Fremont St. partying with my brother for his birthday this week (I talked to a lot of interesting people too 😏). This chapter might be a little different, I don't know? I'm not gonna lie, after this chapter, the tone is about to take a shift. Please enjoy~

Also, thank you so much @argella1300 for helping me out when I asked. Your insight was greatly appreciated and it really meant a lot! 💞

Masterlist

It came in the dim shade of dusk, tucked in by shadows of your hall -- the abnormally tall silhouette of a man. Stalking you. Haunting you.

He looms at the brink of your hallway, expressionless, unmoving, and yet somehow inching forward all at once. With each step he closes between you and himself, an encroaching darkness fills the room behind him within the blink of an eye.

Who was he? It's a question you've had since adolescence. The answers never felt as true as his unsettling existence.

The world around you is silent, fogged as though you were being held underwater, your mind racing at an incoherent speed. The only sounds you hear are that of your own screaming. You knew what was happening; your body and mind had just been unable to control it.

Night terrors.

You've never told anyone about them before; you've never felt any need to. It's not exactly a hot topic of discussion, nor something you could even put forth any real value into if asked; you can't explain something you don't understand.

They haven't been anything beyond a waking three-minute inconvenience. An on-and-off occurrence throughout your life. But once it happens, there'd be no avoiding it.

They send your body into a mindless, cold panic, the only emotion coursing through your veins being the unknown fear that first woke you. Your arms thrash frantically as you scream, your body feeling as though it were being grabbed by a million hands...

Don't touch me, your mind cries out. Don't touch me. Don't touch me...

...Until you've felt the one, very real hand touch your shoulder, taking with it the darkness you'd thought had all but swallowed you whole and replacing it with the waking world around you.

The morning returns, as do the rest of its unpleasant realities.

"Hey." That deep and raspy Manchester voice is the first sound you finally register, and for once in your life, it couldn't have sounded any sweeter. "Hey," Ghost says again, placing both hands gently over your shoulders to wake you. "Everything's OK. You're in your living room."

Your chest heaves shallow breaths when sitting up on your couch, taking in your surroundings. That's right, you're still in your living room. You'd almost forgotten you'd passed out on your couch last night, now catching the breaking dawn which pooled through your windows.

It always takes you a moment to regather yourself after it happens, having to make sense of what had been real versus some strange in-between with you and your REM state. In those moments, everything felt real, and fake all at once.

Even the shattering and reforming of reality around you could not take your mind from Ghost's hand, which remained wrapped protectively over your arm, fingers trembling with the hesitancy of his own actions.

"Are you alright?" His dark eyes look your face up and down, taking in every twinge your lips made and how your eyes seemed to look in every direction but his own, still glossed over and dazed from sleep. "You just started screamin' out of nowhere."

Once his words run through your head a few more times, you realize that you'd made a scene right in front of the one person you hadn't wanted to know this about you, a new detail he no doubt did not expect from you at all.

Ghost has known you to be many things -- seductive, witty, cold, distant, and near every other synonym in between. He's heard your voice moan in pleasure more times enough to recognize it within a crowd; he's heard you hurl enough insults his way to send even the hardest of soldiers home crying and insecure.

Never has he heard you scream like this before, with such fear and strife. In fact, he can't think of a single time you've ever been so frightened around him. To see a glimpse of that had been more unsettling than he wished to let on.

He'd only woken up a few minutes shy of you, having slipped away to fix himself up and reset his balaclava. His lips had still felt stained by your kiss from last night, the skin on his face tingling off the memory of your touch alone.

Nearly two months he's spent with you in this odd, little fling and he's never actually kissed you like he had last night before. Never for so long. Never so deeply. He wouldn't allowed himself to. Kissing just for the sake of it always felt like a step beyond casual, as much as he often craved your lips on his most exhausting days.

Ghost must have stared at himself in the mirror longer than he should have, just chasing that feeling again, making himself sick with it. He debated on leaving before you woke, though he'd keep that to himself, having heard your screaming once he'd rounded the corner. In which case, Ghost ran to your aid without question.

His first thought had been that you were in danger; perhaps someone had broken in, or worse, you'd been hurt. You might get on the man's nerves, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't care about your well-being at least somewhat. He never wished any harm to you, and he damn sure wouldn't let anything happen to you if he can help it.

The archway between your hall and you had felt as foreign and distant as space itself, however. When Ghost found you on your couch, your arms writhing, and wide eyes locked on him with confusion and terror, he had frozen in place.

For a split second, he thought that fear had been caused by the sheer sight of him. And then, the strangest thing had happened -- it tore him to pieces being given a glimpse of a reality he didn't know he feared most of all. One where the sight of him brought you complete anguish.

Your screaming didn't stop when he approached you, nor had it stopped when he knelt beside you, saying your name and asking what was wrong, only falling on deaf ears.

Nothing had stopped your screaming, nor these emotions that ripped at him, until his hand had touched your shoulder, and you both felt the sensation of one another.

Your features calmed, your gaze softening at the sight of him, now having been pulled from that sudden trance. In a matter of seconds, you'd just barely managed to get your breathing to a more manageable pace, your heart not drumming so loudly in your ears. You played his words in your head, again and again, until you've slowly regained composure. Everything's fine. Everything's fine.

Had you noticed he had this effect on you? Ghost imagines you'll only carry on as though it were just another thing; the kindest of gestures are often the hardest to notice in the moment, and you never did like to dwell. It only took years' worth of tragedies for Ghost to be able to recognize them himself. Though every now and then, it isn't something he can catch either. He only wishes this hadn't been one of those times.

Embarrassment and shame flood within you like a crashing wave, though you mask it in an annoyed groan, turning your body away from Ghost in hopes he'd take the hint and give you some space. You always hated when this happened around others, most of all around the men you slept with. Slowly, you prepared yourself for your usual dose of reactions.

"I'm fine," you say. "I just... I'm fine." You rub your hands over your face in defeat, before sinking your head into them with a low groan.

There had been reasons you didn't sleep over or have others do the same often, this being one of them. You didn't need to have another guy slowly ghost you because you scared him awake at 2am in a frantic panic; the best way to avoid it would be to not put yourself in the situation at all, right?

But what happened last night hadn't been like any of your normal nights with Ghost. Last night had been something... not quite the same. There had to be some reason you haven't sent him home yet otherwise. You wondered if it had been the same reason why he hadn't gone home yet either.

"Fuckin' hell," Ghost sighs. "You might've woken the neighbors with that one."

"It's nothin' they're not used to," you say casually, though the second you do, you wish you hadn't been so cavalier about it. You hadn't meant to invite him into your world like this.

However, no one had been more understanding of these sorts of troubles than he; Ghost knew what a pain it could be feeling as though you needed to explain emotions you had no control over. So he wouldn't ask you what that was about, or why you think it may have happened. He didn't need to know anything beyond the fact that you were OK.

"Well," Ghost sits down beside you on the couch with a dramatic "oomph", huffing to himself with a certain contentment to it. "I've been there."

"I'm sure you have," you groan. You couldn't help being sly with him, even now. It came out of you impulsively, knowing he'd always reward you with some form of attention you both could get something out of. Something you both let sit at the back of your minds all day.

You stretch your arms over your head feline-like, your body now finally feeling as though you'd slept in your living room instead of your bed. Your shoulder ached dully, your back already popping at each stretch you made with your body. The wonderful joys of aging.

"That's one way to get the blood pumpin' in the mornin', yeah?" Ghost jokes, he always did feel a little humor could lighten any mood. "You never scream like that with me."

"Perhaps you should do a better job then," you tease.

"Don’t tempt me, love."

Love. He doesn't call you that often. Only in your most intimate of moments. You hadn't felt your face smiling, but you knew you were.

You looked so innocently up at him after without even thinking. "Tempt you, Manchester?" You give the man a rather tired but still lurid look, bumping his shoulder playfully with your own. "Perish the thought," you say. "As if it's that hard to do."

"Oh, fuck off." Ghost sighs, and you can practically feel the man smiling beneath his mask. A smile that felt as warm as a heater come after a snowstorm.

Wind chimes clung lightly outside your window, the finches gathered at your bird feeder chirping blissfully. You both laugh lightly to yourselves, your arms faintly brushing at every small exhale from your noses. And you both sat there even after the laughter, simply looking off ahead of yourselves, with eyes still heavy from waking.

It had felt suddenly a tremendous task to look over at Ghost. Once you've worked up the courage, you catch him gazing out your window aimlessly, peacefully, his body settled into your couch as though he'd been with you the day you bought the thing.

And then he looks down at you. Maybe he felt you staring, but you never noticed how brown his eyes are, or how deep they could look in a dimly lit room. Similarly, he's never noticed how animated your own eyes are, always moving and observing some small, unknown detail. It made his skin crawl delightfully. Ghost would have thought that feeling to be a bad thing, and yet it had been quite the opposite.

Why don't we ever do this? You asked him that last night, and though he'd answered you, it hadn't been the entire truth.

A sudden burst of energy springs from you, pulling you from your seat and inviting yourself onto Ghost's lap, who leans back and lets you do so without question. Your legs settle over his boulderous thighs, humming lightly as he rests his hands back against your hips, sighing pleasantly to himself and looking back up at you.

Ghost did his best not to squirm around too much with you on top of him. It hadn't been the worst thing you two have done together. However, it wasn't common for things to feel so... easy. He could stay like this all morning if you let him.

Something tells him you felt the same way; you don't usually take this long to start getting to the point of things physically.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I'm surprised you're still here."

You watch your comment bring him to a short pause and find yourself now at the edge of your seat, arms resting gently over his shoulders and not being used to this sudden anticipation towards his answer.

Ghost had thought about being completely honest with you, admitting that he'd been equally surprised. That's when he woke up and saw you still sleeping on the couch next to him, it had been the hardest thing to even excuse himself to the restroom.

Your arms had been entangled around him, cuddled against his large shoulder like a giant pillow. You slept soundly beside him, peacefully, having felt so at ease with letting your guard down, all things considered. An innocent sight too far and few between bitter exchanges.

He's never slept over after before, nor has he ever held you in his arms like this. Yet, it had felt like the most sensible thing to do now, something as natural as breathing or blinking.

He found himself just watching you sleep for a while, still. In the early morning light that crept through your living room window, he sees all these details to you he's never had the chance to; you are beautiful. Truly. And he hadn't meant it in ways that were superficial or lustful. Genuinely, he really did find you a stunning woman. He's always found you so, even behind the toxicity.

Seeing you next to him had made him happy, and all at once, it hurt him the same, knowing this time would always be finite. You'd bore of him soon enough, only to call him later as another passing thought. Maybe one of these days, he'll gather the strength to stop answering.

Even now, with you over him like this, it's odd. He doesn't want to get up, and yet he does. He wants to pull you in closer, and he wants to leave. He can feel himself breathing, yet the sight and touch of you made the air catch in his lungs each time he went to inhale.

Maybe he could just blame that on the smoking.

"Good thing I was 'ere, yeah?" he finally quips.

"Right," you lean forward, letting your nose brush the tip of his just faintly enough for him to long for its sensation beneath his mask. You watch the blond of his lashes flutter innocently, with eyes wrapped up in you even more than they had been last night. "My knight in shining armor. You won't hear me complaining."

"That's a first," he teases.

"Fuck you."

Your kiss is what truly wakes him that morning, your lips sculpting the shape of his mouth through his mask and gently planting slow, light pecks. His arms hug around you warmly, with strong fingers gently grazing their way up your back. He always did like these rare occasions where you'd treat him softly; he liked to think it had been a side of you that only he had seen. Even as he knew it wasn't true.

You continue to kiss him for a little while, the man's hands only remaining comfortably at your back to keep you over him. Ghost wasn't sure how much more he could take of you wiggling about on his lap before he gave you what you were clearly looking for. But it wasn't until you started reaching for his mask that he felt a sudden bolt of lightning strike him.

Both his hands shoot up to grab yours, large fingers hooping across your wrist like cuffs, keeping you just out of reach from the brim of his mask. His sudden hesitancy makes you smirk, and already does he know that you're about to push his buttons.

"Aw," you tease, purposefully rocking your hips into him. It makes you giggle when he huffs to himself. "Feeling shy?"

"Not shy," Ghost says. "Just..." Vulnerable. Anxious. Wary. Careful. "...You know how it is."

"Aww," you start to pout mockingly. "Is that honor only reserved for the special girls in your circle?" you ask. "Or just the ones you don't fuck?"

"For the ones actually interested in sticking around," he says. "Instead of just being some fling."

You can't help but scoff, and Ghost can't help but tense up afterward, already preparing himself for an outburst. You certainly were good for them, and Ghost hadn't wanted to kid himself here either; this would all end soon enough.

It wouldn't be long now... and he knows he should pull away before that day comes. He's lost enough people in his life to recognize not to get close to something that won't last long enough to really matter. So he won't hold back his words with you. You can't have your cake and eat it too, he thought.

But some small, sad part of himself wanted you to fight his words, however harsh that storm would be, just like you always do.

Your shoulders slouch and your eyes drift off somewhere into the room. You couldn't make it more obvious that what he said had stung, in ways you hadn't even known you'd been capable of feeling towards him.

A fling. A piece of meat. That's how you liked to present yourself -- it's how you've viewed others too -- most of the time. So you can't get mad if that's how he sees it.

Yet every time that truth is brought to attention, it can't help but make your gut twist up in knots. As if some delusional part of you felt you could continue to sleep with Ghost and see other men as well without him caring.

You've been in a losing battle with Ghost since you first slept together. You knew on that night that any real formalities between you two were forever gone; you'd already spoiled so many of the first joys of being with someone, and it often left this feeling of things being too late to change. What you have now will probably always be what it is. So why can't you enjoy it for that while you still can? Why must he complicate things?

"I just wanted to kiss you," you admit.

It's the honest truth. You dreamed about his lips; his kiss had felt that good. You never expected him to have left such an effect on you, yet you've woken up, and the want to taste him has not subsided.

Ghost takes his eyes from you, dark orbs lowering to your lips as though to telepathically share the same thoughts as you.

"I..."

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Your eyes turn to the thunderous rumbling of your cell phone against your hardwood coffee table. A phone call.

Ghost looked back at you, expecting you to sit up and answer it. You merely turn back to him, letting it buzz until the call finally drops. You could always call them back.

As you've opened your mouth to speak, however, the phone begins to buzz again. Another phone call. It's this time that you've decided to sit up and see who it is; you freeze once you read the caller ID. Shit!

"Who is it?" Ghost regrets asking the second his voice lets the words rumble out.

"It's uh..." You stumble on your words, purposefully being coy, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Your boyfriend?" Ghost answers for you, and your silence after speaks volumes.

Your boyfriend. Mr. Sweet and Super Understanding himself. This supposed "doomed" second relationship that has been nothing but highs since you've known him, if anything you told Ghost last night had been true. It figures he would call you so early this morning, you two had seemed close after all.

And like the strike of a match, his entire demeanor runs from cold to ticked off. Ghost can do nothing more than laugh to himself, shaking his head as though you'd just pulled the rug from underneath him and blown the ceiling off the roof of your prior delusions.

After all, you got exactly what you wanted here from him. He fixed your car, fucked you after, and now you get to send him on his merry way while you spend some real time with someone else.

Grumbling to himself, almost without him even knowing, he mutters, "I don't know what else I fucking expected-"

"He's not-" You struggle to find the right words to say, feeling as though every sentence spoken made a true difference between Ghost walking out of your life for good or not. The thought made you start to panic all of a sudden. "I'm not with him like that. You know this already."

You're right; he does know this. You haven't lied about a single thing since he drove over to jump your car. "Besides," you start to argue. "Why does it matter anyway? Why do you care? It's not like you want to be with me. You won't even let me look at you! You've said it yourself; I'm just some "slag" you sometimes like to fuck. Why the fuck do you care if I'm seeing someone who doesn't think that way about me?"

Because he hadn't felt that way about you. Not anymore. Not ever.

Never has he met a woman able to push his buttons so effectively, in ways all too familiar to his childhood. But at the same time, this woman, this human who unknowingly held so much power over him without even being aware, you equally found the littlest of ways to creep into his mind and bring him a bittersweet peace he had not felt since his youth.

But if he said that to you would you listen? Would you even understand? You've never been a woman to be tied down. He's known this. Who was he to think he'd be the difference when what you say is true. He has not been kind to you, not until it was too late, and now you've one foot out. How could he blame you for that?

And yet Ghost stands up, a bubble now having been burst. "As though you're so innocent," his voice raises, emotions finally starting to tip. He matches your hostile energy, his dark eyes glaring down at you, a mirror of wounded gazes. "How many times have I been here for you, only for you to cast me aside like an old toy you can just play with when you're bored? All I've ever been to you is an easy out; you've never cared what I've thought-"

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Ghost's eyes shoot down to your phone ringing in your hand, and you swear you've never seen him more upset.

A passing fear of him stepping over and snatching your phone from your hand passes over you, and your entire body language subliminally shifts in response. You instinctively take a step back from him, lightly turning your body to keep your phone from his reach. You'll be damned if he thinks he can try that.

He notices this small action, and a part of himself felt akin to his father, recognizing that fear in your eyes from his mother, even as you hide it behind a biting glare. That feeling alone could have done him in for good.

Though Ghost wanted nothing more than to answer that call and tell that other man to fuck off already, he had more self-composure and respect than that, along with his own moral obligations.

Still, it didn't take long for the conversation to take a turn, and from that point, it had been as though everything this morning had been but a slow build-up to an inevitable argument between you two. It always did come naturally.

It started out antagonistic from the jump. You questioned and belittled his sudden emotional flare-up, criticizing every one of his reactions and ignoring the obvious signs that you really needed to back off and just let him go. Or it would be better to say you didn't care for it.

To be frank, you didn't understand his frustrations. If other men had been such a problem, why does he keep coming back? What is it that he keeps seeking here?

Ghost hadn't been interested in spending his whole morning arguing with you, and physically feeling a grave be dug for the remains of your tarnished relationship. He moves around you and begins gathering his things, needing the air now more than ever.

"Hold up-" you approach him, throwing any caution or personal space out the window, as you've stopped a few steps shy of him. "Where are you going?"

"Back home." Ghost starts to put his boots on, the frustration he controlled in his voice being taken out by the aggression he used to tie his laces. "It's time I've made myself scarce."

"You're just gonna run off now? Just like that? I didn't take you for such a pussy, Manchester-"

"Don't push me, Spice," Ghost warns you. "I mean it."

"Or what? You'll leave?" you taunt. "I'll do whatever the fuck I want to."

"And that's the problem," Ghost says, standing up on his two feet and towering over you. "All you ever do is what you want. You never care how your actions affect others or what someone might think of them."

"What do you want from me, Simon?" You finally ask him, voice starting to rise, your chest puffing up aggressively. You'd curse him for getting you so emotionally riled up this morning.

What do you want from me? What do you want? A simple question that had been impossible to answer, because answering it would mean being honest with himself about what's happened with him here. It would mean being vulnerable.

"Stop calling me," Ghost says. "Stop seeing me. Stop being with me. We should never have done this in the first fucking place... This has to stop."

No longer did he wish to feel this way, to feel as though the worst parts of himself came at a constant full display with you. No longer did he want to feel himself slowly start to care for you, knowing that at any moment you could be gone. He's not sure he could handle something like that again.

Your mouth opens, and then it closes, and then you frown. Ghost thought you wouldn't say anything to him. He thought you might even cry. But no, you never were one to just leave things at that. You always had to say the last thing in an argument, and you never minced words.

"Then fucking go already," you say. "Get out. You won't have to worry about me calling you ever again."

Ghost didn't say anything after that, though he had looked at you for a little while longer. If you hadn't known him as well as you think you did, you'd say his brown eyes looked rather sad.

He moves away from you, making his way to your front door and unlocking it. He makes sure not to look back as you see him out. The man wouldn't be able to stomach the sight.

He remained on the other side of the door after you'd slammed it, feeling the wind hit his back and the sharp silence that it brought with it. Ghost then cocks his head back and closes his eyes, sighing in defeat. He felt the warm, morning air hit the little parts of his skin left bare for the air to kiss, and as though his mood couldn't drop any lower, he remembered he still had to go to work with you this morning.

Part Seven Coming Soon. Stay Tuned~

Since I'm trying to explore toxic relationships, I wanted to delve into the complexities a little (while not being so on the nose about it). They have their ups and they have their downs; they blend and happen all at once and take each other's places at every positive or negative interaction. You can have genuine moments of care and empathy with people you simultaneously butt heads and take issue with I feel; nothing is ever just black and white. I'm rambling and probably not making a lot of sense.

But, now that Ghost and the Reader are in the pits, they've gotta look within themselves and fix their shit if it's meant to be. I want to write them in a way where it's clear if they could just sit and figure out what it was they wanted from each other, then this could be something real if they let it. However, life waits for no one, and they're about to be in for a doozy. The mission i have planned for them is gonna be 👺👺👺

Taglist: @cabreezer0117, @homicidal-slvt, @deadbranch, @argella1300, @poohkie90, @glitterypirateduck , @sarraa-26, @quincessimus, @0-444-4444, @crazymela, @13thprogenitor, @joce2fine, @sapszilla, @dmitriene, @justherebecauseafarisucks, @zevrajalexxandra, @corvusmorte

#call of duty #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost #modern warfare ii #call of duty modern warfare ii #mwii #mw2022 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #no good men left to spare #Spotify

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bitterpotionn · 7 months

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Johnny Slaughter - Crush

I present my first-ever series. After a poll vote, I decided to make this a mini-series. I'm aiming for two parts. Each part is a good length so we can get the best of both worlds.

No smut in this one, but expect a lot of it in the next coming parts.

The title of this is another Ethel Cain nod, inspired by her song "Crush."

As always any feedback or constructive criticism is welcome! I appreciate all of the feedback on my fics so far, I appreciate it so much.

-pt.2

Warnings: Minimal use of Y/N, SFW, Johnny is a sleaze, pining, smoking, peer pressure, kissing

Growing up in a small Texan town did have its upsides. The tight-knit community, the great food, and Johnny Slaughter. At least, that's what she always thought. She grew up in a traditional small town. From long dirt roads to small corner stores. Small-town living was something she was very fond of. She was also very fond of the local troublemaker, Johnny Slaughter.

While they had known each other their whole lives, their paths were very different. Johnny's family was…outcasted, to say the least. Hell, Johnny didn't even attend public school. His mother Nancy, boasted about her teaching abilities, opting him for homeschooling. Nancy was protective, making her contact growing up with Johnny limited. She would see him a few times on the playground when they both would play in the sandbox together. She was always so proud of the castles she would build, only for Johnny to kick the sand right back in her face. Or they would swing together on the old rusty swing set the small park had to offer. He would then proceed to push her too hard, her face hitting the dirty mulch below with a thud.

As they both grew, they didn't have much contact. How could they? She was too busy with school and extracurriculars. While he was busy working the Slaughter Family farm. As months grew into years, the two hardily interacted. That was until the summer two years after she graduated high school.

"He is quite muscular huh?" giggles erupted throughout the small group of girls. They sat on a picnic blanket in the field next to the Slaughter family farm. They would often go there to hang out. They had a clear view of the Slaughter property, where they watched Johnny, doing some yard work on the fence. The girls stared at Johnny as he worked, not doing much to conceal their giggles and hushed whispers.

"Sarah, c'mon we all know he's nothin' but trouble," Lacy said, rolling her eyes as she sipped on her lemonade. Sarah gave her a pout as she rolled onto her stomach, blowing the smoke of her cigarette towards the sky. "I don't think he's as bad as people say guys, I mean I used to know him when we were kids" Y/N explained, setting her book aside. "Plus he's not too hard on the eyes" Y/N giggled poking her friends. Y/N couldn't help her years-long crush on Johnny. After all, he was handsome, strong, and seemingly always available.

"He is as bad as people say, Y/N" Lacy continued grabbing a new cigarette out of her purse. "He's slept with like every girl we know from high school, and I heard Becky Farland gets her dope from him," she said in a hushed whisper, her eyes going wide. "Oh please" Y/N rolled her eyes and glanced back over to him, he was still working on the fence. "Those are just rumors right?" Y/N frowned as she thought more about it. They were awfully different, she was a virgin and relatively sheltered while he was…far from it.

Sarah shrugged and looked in his direction. "I would gladly volunteer as one of his hookups" Sarah gave a loud dramatic side, her hand going to her forehead as she fell into Y/N's lap. They all giggled and shushed each other. "You sure you don't want one Y/N?" Sarah asked offering her cigarette to her. Y/N shook her head looking back in Johnny's direction. "Those things will kill both of you. Then I'll be left to stare at Johnny alone," Y/N tickled Sarah's side, pulling laughs from the both of them.

"The only thing that's gonna kill me are my parents if I don't get home soon," Lacy said, standing up and gathering her things. Sarah pouted and followed suit. "No more Johnny time for us I suppose!" Sarah nudged Y/N with her elbow, both of them giggling.

They walked down the road, making their way past the Slaughter family's yard. As they walked and talked, someone clearing their throat made them go silent. They all looked over to the source of the sound, revealing Johnny smirking and leaning on the gate. "You ladies enjoy the view?" he snickered, a cigarette hanging from his fingers. "In your dreams, Slaughter," Lacy spoke up, rolling her eyes. He feigned a pout and put a hand over his heart "You wound me."

Y/N stood there awkwardly, somewhat hidden behind Sarah, gripping her book to her chest as she avoided his piercing gaze. Johnny walked closer to the group and bent down to meet Y/N's gaze. "Y/N L/N. I haven't seen you in forever, darlin'" Lacy moved quickly in front of Sarah and Y/N. "I wish I could say it was nice to see you Johnny, but like usual it wasn't," she held Y/N's hand as they began walking away together. Sarah gave Johnny a dopey smile and waved as she followed suit. Y/N's face was heating up as she buried her face into Lacy's arm. "Oh my god that was so embarrassing," she squeaked out, as they walked further away.

"Embarrassing?!" Sarah giggled out "Johnny Slaughter, The Johnny Slaughter just acknowledged you Y/N. This is amazing," she said while giggling, tickling Y/N's sides. Y/N playfully swatted Sarah's arm. Finally feeling brave enough to escape from Lacy's side. "No that was embarrassing, I stood there like an idiot," she huffed out, walking with her shoulders drooping. Lacy shook her head "No, we shouldn't even be talkin' to him. Looking is one thing, but we don't want to get caught up in his mess, especially you Y/N."

After her shift at the bookstore, she decided to stop by the local farmers market. Her mom mentioned the previous night she needed some vegetables and she figured she would pick some up before she went back home. She hummed as she strolled to different booths, scanning the wide variety of vegetables and fruits.

"Hey darlin'" she heard a deep voice behind her. She jumped a bit and quickly turned to face behind her. There, standing right in front of her was Johnny Slaughter. Her eyes widened as she stared up at him, not able to get a word out. "It's nice to see you out and about without your bodyguards," he snickered, leaning against the worn wooden stall. Y/N felt her face rapidly heat up as she nervously fidgeted with the strap of her homemade shoulder bag. "Ha…yeah Hi," she quietly said, avoiding his gaze.

"You're awfully shy, I remember you being more talkative when we were kids," he hummed out, reaching into his back pocket, and pulling out a cigarette carton. Her eyes widened in surprise as she shifted her gaze up to him "You…uh remember that?" she said her eyebrows raising. He chuckled lowly at her reaction, lighting the cigarette. "Of course I do, have to admit. Had a bit of a crush on you back then," he smirked down at her and watched her reaction carefully.

Her eyes widened and she shifted her gaze back down. She felt her heart racing rapidly. "Oh…don't play around with me like that…" she let out a nervous laugh. "I would never darlin', I really did," he bent down a bit to meet her gaze, blowing some smoke her way. "Truth be told, I think I'm still keen on you" She gripped the strap on her bag, nervously shifting, not meeting his gaze. "C'mon Johnny, don't be like that," she looked up at him, he was closer to her now.

"I'm serious," he said, his smirk widening "I wouldn't mind takin' you out sometime if you're up for it," He gently brushed his hand against her arm, trying to regain her attention. She gave him a small shrug "I dunno Johnny…" her mind raced back to Lacy and the things she'd said about Johnny, maybe she was right. "Look, I know what your friend says about me, all that stuff is just small-town rumors, darlin'. At least let me take you out for ice cream?" She bit down on her lip, nervously chewing. "Oh…alright," she gave him a nervous smile as her eyes flicked up to meet his stare.

"Perfect, I'll take care of ya, don't worry," His finger hooked underneath her chin and angled her face upwards. "So, tomorrow? We can meet at my place?" He smiled widely down at her. She just nodded, a nervous smile painting her face. "Perfect," he gave her one last smile before sauntering away, heading back to his truck. She noted that he didn't even buy anything, she wondered why he was even there in the first place. However, she didn't have much time to think as she wanted to get home so she would tell Lacy and Sarah.

"You what?!" Lacy sat up from her lying position in her bed, her mouth wide open. Sarah almost spit out her drink, her head turning quickly to face Y/N. Y/N sighed loudly and sat down in Lacy's purple beanbag. "I-I don't know what happened, we ran into each other at the farmers market, and he just asked me out. I didn't know what to do. I can't just say no to him. I've been obsessed with him for years!" she leaned her head back as she rambled on, her leg nervously fidgeting.

Sarah giggled a bit and pulled at Y/N's leg. "This is actually amazing, Y/N and Johnny," she threw her arms up in the arm "It's actually happening!" Lacy wasn't so thrilled as she glared at Sarah, causing Sarah to put her arms down and go quiet. "This is a bad idea, Y/N. Johnny just wants to get in your pants, like with every other girl" Lacy explained rolling her eyes. Y/N winced and sunk further into the beanbag. "I guess I want to see how things go…maybe he's different than the rumors, Lacy," Y/N said frowning.

Sarah looked over at Lacy. "C'mon Lacy, one date isn't going to kill her, we could always stalk her durin' the date" she giggled and crawled over next to Y/N. "She's been crushin' on Johnny since grade school, this is like her teenage fantasy," Sarah said, leaning her head on Y/N's shoulder. Lacy let out a sigh and looked over at them. "I can't stop you from going, just please be cautious. I have a bad feeling about him," Lacy got up and sat next to them both. "We need a full report when you get back," Lacy said poking at Y/N's side. "And I need some Johnny memorabilia!" Sarah said. They all giggled and hugged each other.

She made her way to his house. She felt a deep hard pit in her stomach. She was wearing a yellow and white sundress, and she had her bag snug against her side. She made sure her hair and makeup were perfect, and she spent hours getting ready. She's never felt this nervous before. As she got closer to the Slaughter house residence, she saw Johnny's truck parked right outside the entry gate. He quickly exited the car and jogged to her smiling wide. He was wearing his usual getup, blue jeans, and his work boots. However, he did bother to put on a nicer shirt than he usually wore.

"Hello darlin'" he gave her a sensual hug, pulling her close to his broad chest. She didn't have much time to react but she hugged back, wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled away, his hand still on her waist. "Wow, you look amazing doll" his hungry eyes scanned her up and down. His eyes felt like a warm wave drenching her entire body, his gaze made her shake. "T-thank you, Johnny," she said softly, rubbing his arm slowly. He chuckled and took a firm hold of her hand, walking to his truck with her.

The ride to the ice cream parlor was nerve-wracking. Johnny made small talk about the farm and asked about her family. She could barely focus, his hand was resting a bit too close to her thigh and it was making her feel like a nervous teenager.

Once they got there, Johnny helped her out, taking her hand in his and leading her to the order counter. She couldn’t help but notice the passing stares from people around the town. In a town this small, everybody knew everybody. She was sure people would start talking. Johnny's reputation wasn’t the best and hers was relatively spotless, the two of them together would be big news. Johnny ordered for the both of them, even paying. He handed her the chocolate Ice cream cone, smiling. They both sat down at one of the tables outside.

“You enjoying it?” He asked smirking at her. She smiled shyly and nodded “Yea thank you for paying,” she continued to lick her ice cream. She was hyper-aware of how she was eating, being sure not to be too suggestive about it. His eyes followed her tongue as she ate away at her Ice cream. “No problem, darlin’ my treat,” he chuckled and leaned back in his chair, he was eating his ice cream out of a cup with a spoon. He ordered her the cone instead, she had an idea why he did this.

“Are you still workin’ at that bookstore?” He asked, still staring at her intently. “Oh yeah! I really like it…it’s quiet,” she smiled a bit and shrugged. He nodded and grinned back at her. “Bet you’re good at it too. Hard to say no to that pretty face Hm?” Her face heated up and she bit down on her lip. “Oh hardly…” she let out a small laugh as she finished up her ice cream.

After a while of talking about work, family, and friends the sun was already setting. The date went a lot longer than she intended, she wanted to be home before dark. He must have noticed the slight panic because he soon got up and reached for her hand, "I'll drive ya home if you want, so you're not walkin' all alone at night," he gave her a smirk and motioned his head towards his parked truck. She hesitated before ultimately nodding, squeezing his hand.

As they walked hand in hand, Johnny pulled out another cigarette. He titled the carton towards her, offering her one. She quickly shook her head and gave him a strained smile "No thank you" He was seemingly taken aback by this "You don't smoke?" She answered again, shaking her head. "Have you ever smoked?" She felt like she was being integrated, and she once again shook her head. He chuckled at this and let out an amused sigh. "You really are just perfect huh?" Once they got to his truck she reached for the door handle but he smoothly got in front of it, leaning against the truck with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"You gotta at least try a hit, for me. I'll pop your cherry" Her eyes suddenly widened at his brash language, playfully hitting his arm. He snickered and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her so she was practically leaning against the front of his body. The hand still holding the cigarette found its way to her lips, he positioned the cigarette so it was facing her. Her eyes were wide with hesitation, she bit down on her lip. "Johnny…I dunno…" his words interrupted her nervous ramblings "Go ahead," his tone was almost demanding, it made her feel like she was being lectured by her father. So without another word, she leaned back and took a hit of the cigarette. The thick smoke ripped through her throat and she started coughing wildly, it tasted horrible. He laughed at this and kept her steady as she coughed.

By the time her coughing fit was done, her eyes were watering, she looked back up at Johnny. He just stared at her, with this look on his face, like he wanted to just eat her up right then and there. "You're awfully pretty all teary-eyed, darlin'" he chuckled and hooked his finger underneath her chin, angling toward him. Her heart started racing, was he going to kiss her? She felt like she was going to throw up. He started to lean in towards her, and she felt her eyes flutter closed, she had never kissed anyone before and she couldn't believe her first kiss was going to be with Johnny Slaughter. Right when she thought he was going to. Nothing happened.

She peeked open her eyes, just to see Johnny grinning down at her. He leaned his head back on the truck and rubbed her waist this his free hand. "You bout' ready to head home doll?" he said standing straight up and opening the car door for her. She didn't know what to say or do. She felt so embarrassed and humiliated, of course, he wasn't going to kiss her. All she could manage was a curt nod before sitting in the passenger seat of his truck.

The drive back to her house was relatively quiet. His hand did find its way to her thigh at one point, he absentmindedly stroked her thigh was his thumb. The sheer contact was making her heart flutter. Her mind was still racing about the lack of a kiss. Did he even like her? Surely he did, I mean he was touching her. Her thoughts were a thick cloud that prevented her from having any meaningful conversation with him on the ride back, but he didn't seem to mind the silence. Once they pulled into the gravel driveway of her home he stopped the car.

Her eyes scanned each window, checking to see if her parents were watching, surely they were waiting up for her. Johnny leaned back in his seat and looked over to her. "Thank you for takin' me Johnny…" she said in a low voice, turning to face him. He smirked and nodded, his arm hooking around her waist, pulling her across the seat to be closer to her. "My pleasure," he hummed out, staring down at her. Her eyes again flicked to each window of her house, she half expected her parents to burst out the front door and yell at her for being with him.

She awkwardly sat next to him. Her hand found his and she interlocked their fingers gently. He chuckled at his and gave her hand a firm squeeze. "You warmin' up to me?" he said in a low voice, his head resting on hers as she leaned against him. She giggled a bit and nodded. "You're not as bad as people say…" her words trailed off. "Can't let your friends decide who you hang out with, darlin'" he said rubbing the top of her thumb with his. A hint of annoyance was laced in his voice. "T-they don't…they just wanna protect me…" she said quickly, trying to defend her friends. He snickered at this and cupped the underside of her face, angling her towards him. "Protect you from what? Me?" he smirked and leaned forward, capturing her lips in a sensual, slow kiss. She felt her heart skip a million beats as she eagerly kissed him back. She felt a bit lost, trying to match his movements. His lips moved against her as he pulled her closer to him, she was practically on her lap when he decided to pull away, nibbling a bit on her lip as he did so. She was panting when he pulled away, her cheeks felt like they were on fire, and she could swear her heart was beating out of her chest.

"See, I ain't so bad, darlin'" he chuckled and ran his hand down her back, urging her to cuddle closer to him. She let out a small laugh at this and nodded, leaning her head on his chest. "I should get goin', I don't want my parents comin' out here…" she looked up at him, analyzing his face. For a split second, she could have sworn a look of anger flashed across his face, but just as quickly as it appeared. It was gone. Replaced with his usual cool demeanor. "Alright," he got out of the truck and walked over to the passenger side door, opening it for her. She scooted off the seat and dropped down, her feet meeting the gravel. Johnny leaned down and caught her lips one more time, this time with more hunger and angst. His hands found their way to her waist, practically lifting her up to meet his lips. She giggled through the kiss and pulled away from him. "Johnny c'mon I gotta go," she placed both of her hands on his chest and smiled up at him. "You're killin' me" he let out a dramatic sigh and pecked her lips one more time before patting her waist.

She gave him more last smile before she headed into her house, shutting the door behind her. Johnny stood there, watching the front door, just for a second. He got back into his idling truck and drove back down the country road.

"He kissed you!?" Sarah squeaked out, giggling like a schoolgirl. Y/N nodded and gave her a cheery smile. Lacy wasn't too impressed, she gave a gagging sound as she set out the girl's lunch for the day on the picnic blanket. They were in their usual spot, in the field next to the Slaughter house property.

"Don't be like that Lacy! Our Y/N is becoming a woman!" she said throwing her arms up in the arm and falling back into Y/N's lap. Lacy rolled her eyes and handed them both a lemonade. "I'm happy for her, just not happy about it, Johnny Slaughter is a sleaze. No matter how good of a kisser he is" she shot Y/N a skeptical look. Y/N gave her a knowing smile and shrugged, taking a long sip of her lemonade. "It was a nice first date, I think he actually likes me," she said, running her spare hand along the grass.

Lacy just gave a strained smile and shrugged. Sarah noticed the awkward silence and suddenly sat up. "Can we eat I'm actually starving" she rummaged through the wooden basket Lacy brought, pulling out all the food.

After about an hour of eating and talking the group decided to head back to town. Lacy walked beside Sarah and Y/N who were walking arms interlocked, giggling about the date and saying things in hushed whispers. Lacy let out a loud groan and tilted her head back in annoyance as she spotted Johnny outside the gate, seemingly waiting on them. Sarah and Y/N both suddenly looked up and smiled, waving at Johnny.

Johnny walked over to the group and smirked. "I think I need to steal Y/N over for a second hm?" his eyes flicked over to Lacy, a cocky smirk adorning his sharp features. Y/N nodded and looked toward her friends, "It will be quick" she said smiling at them. Lacy just nodded and walked a bit away, giving them some space. Sarah gave a wide smile and nodded, following Lacy to allow the two some privacy.

"I don't think your friend likes me very much," Johnny said leaning against the gate to talk to her. She shrugged and looked up at him, not wanting to talk bad about her friend. "Anywho, how bout' I come pick you up tonight and we can see a movie" he suggested, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her close. She hesitated before looking over towards Lacy and Sarah. They were talking in hushed whispers, looking over at them every so often.

"I had plans with Sarah and Lacy…we were going to go…" her words trailed off as she looked up at his face. His face went stoic and annoyed as he tipped his head back. "But we can reschedule I'm sure…" she said giving him a smile. He smirked back and nodded "That's what I like to hear…" he leaned down and kissed her slowly. She tried to kiss back but she felt too awkward with her friends a stone's throw away. She pulled away and patted his chest. "I should go but I'll see you tonight…" she gave him a smile and kissed his cheek. He huffed and nodded, rubbing her waist possessively. Like he didn't want her to go.

She eventually made her way back to her friends and interlocked her arm again with Sarah as they started walking. She turned back to give Johnny one last smile. He stood there and waved before walking back into the property. She turned back to her friends and bit down on her lip nervously. "So…I might have to reschedule tonight guys…"

pt.2

#johnny slaughter #texas chainsaw massacre #johnny tcm game #tcm #tcm game #johnny slaughter x reader #johnny slaughter smut #bitterpotionnfics #smut

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cy-cyborg · 3 months

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Disability 101: The language of Disability

Trigger Warning: this post contains discussions of disability slurs (specifically the C and R slurs), and the history of disabled people's use in medical experimentation, including specific (but brief) examples.

Most of the content on my blog is aimed specifically at authors, artists and other creatives, but I've been noticing for a while now, that many of the people who come here to learn about writing and designing better and more compassionate disabled representation are often missing what I would consider to be pretty fundamental knowledge of the disabled community, or have gotten said information from a questionable source, for example, through corporate sensitivity training, who's given them just straight-up incorrect information. This isn't surprising, nor is it really the fault of the people seeking to learn more, rather, it's because of the way society at large talks about (or I suppose, doesn't talk about) disability. However this lack of foundational understanding often leads to creators accidentally including harmful tropes, using damaging or unnecessarily coded language or just including misinformation about our community into their works, often in ways that are quite hard to change by the time they realise there's an issue.

But before we continue:

The disability community is massive and we have a lot of history most people are totally unaware of which influences a lot of these fundamentals. It doesn't help that there are a lot of "allies" to our community who completely ignore and speak over us, many of whom have bigger platforms that actual disabled people, so their advice is seen and shared by more people, muddying the waters even further and making it difficult to discern what is and isn't "good information". Because of that, I understand that it can be hard to know where to start, so while most of my content is dedicated to specifically talking about disability representation in media, and how creators can include better representation in their own works, I also want to take some time to talk about some of the fundamental information about the disabled community I feel everyone (creator or not) should know.

Today I'm going to start on what I think trips people up the most when they're first trying to learn: The language surrounding disability. What terms we (generally) prefer, what terms to avoid, all that. I don't think this is necessarily the most important thing to know right off the bat, but it is probably one of the topics non-disabled people are the most confidently incorrect about, and where general misinformation is the most rampant.

Disclaimer: Before we go ahead, it's important to remember that the disabled community is not a monolith, especially so when we are talking about something like language and preferred terms. This post is designed to be a starting off point, not a rigid set of rules or all-encompassing guide. Different individuals may prefer different terms, possibly even ones listed in this article as words to avoid. Articles like this should always be taken as a general guideline but you should always be respectful of an individual's preference and refer to them how they have asked you to refer to them, even if it goes against general advice you've been given. However, it's important to bear in mind that just because that individual has a preference for a less popular term or even a term others find offensive, doesn't mean every disabled person is ok with it. It's also important to consider that different communities, cultures and countries, as well as people who speak different languages or even dialects of the same language, will have different general preferences, and so it is crucial to do further research on your own.

Disability and disabled are not dirty Words, it's ok to say it

If you grew up in the 1990's or later, like I did, you very likely heard words like "special needs," "differently-abled," "Special education" (often shortened to SPED). There's a very good chance that if you worked in education, healthcare (especially for children), with some disability charities or even if you were the parent of a disabled kid during this time, you were likely told to use these terms as a replacement for words like disabled, because "disability" and specific terms like "autism," "amputee," "downs syndrome," "paraplegic," etc put the focus on the things the person doesn't have or can't do. Calling them "disabled" implies there is something wrong with them, whereas these alternatives put a focus on the idea that folks with these conditions are "different, not less". At least, that's what a lot of people are told.

This is what we call coded language, and it's an issue because a lot of disabled people despise it. There are exceptions, of course, I know a few people who are indifferent, but I honestly can't recall anyone who was disabled themselves who preferred it outside of very young children who's parents insisted it was better (though most chose to move away from it as they got older).

But why? well, because of something that I'm sure you'll notice is going to be a pattern throughout this post: we didn't create these terms, and they weren't made for us, not really.

Most disabled people don't really see using the term "disabled" or any of the modern diagnostic terms (for the most part) as an issue. Yes, many do, by definition, focus on things we don't have, can't do or might struggle with; the definition of an amputee is someone who is missing a limb, the definition of paraplegia is someone who has paralysis in their lower body and legs, meaning they might not be able to or might struggle to move them. The definition of a disability is a little more complex and varies from country to country, but the American CDC defines it as "Any condition of the body or mind that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities and interact with the world around them."

These definitions sound negative, but it's not a bad thing to acknowledge someone doesn't have something most other people possess, or struggles with things others don't. It doesn't make someone "less" to acknowledge they have a barrier others don't. It's just acknowledging a part of our lived experience and acknowledging that our lives, because of these barriers, can sometimes look different, in both big and small ways.

However, a lot of people who are not used to being around disabled people get deeply uncomfortable with this, and this refusal to use straight-forward words like disabled is a symptom of that. This discomfort comes, in my experience, from a lack of understanding of disability as a whole, and potentially misplaced sympathy. They don't know how we do things they see as important, how we could do without the things they have, or what technology or services is available to help us bridge those gaps. This unknown makes a lot of non-disabled people scared, uncomfortable or makes them sad for us, even when it's not necessary. They see that we can't do something they can, like move our legs for example, and make a series of assumptions based on incomplete information. They imagine a life like ours and don't know how it could possibly be fulfilling, because they are missing so many vitally important pieces of information, making our lives look empty, bland and sad.

They don't have the full picture, but ironically, this discomfort stops them from learning more. If you go into a topic like this, assuming it will be depressing and bleak, why would you want to double check? For many, the fact that it doesn't take much for them to become disabled too adds to that feeling of discomfort and fear, so they turn away and try to pretend we're just "different" and insist on replacing the "scary" words that acknowledge the challenges and barriers they too will have to face if they become like us with things that comfort themselves, not us.

All of this is especially important to remember in the cases of disabled people who are severely limited by their disabilities (whether it be due to the disability itself, or the lack of accommodations for it) and who's disabilities do have negative impacts on their lives. It's important to acknowledge that for some of us, the negative stigma around our disabilities is mostly misinformation and an incomplete picture, like I mentioned before, that altering how something is done or approaching things differently can completely remove those barriers for some of us (e.g. like building ramps instead of stairs), but it won't for everyone. terms like "differently abled" completely ignore and dismiss the experiences of this part of the community, all they do is remind the person that you are uncomfortable acknowledging what they are dealing with. "disabled" on the other hand is inclusive of us both.

Person-first vs Identity-first language

Another aspect of the language surrounding disability that causes confusion in a lot of non-disabled people is whether or not you should be using person-first or identity-first language.

Person-first is where you put the person before the name of the disability, for example "Person with a disability," "Person with autism," "person with amputations," etc. Identity-first language, on the other hand, is where you put the person's disabled identity first, so "disabled person," or in the case of some disabilities, you might drop the need to say person at all, so it would be "autistic" and "amputee".

Unlike the last section, the answer to which one you should be using varies a lot on who you ask, and both types of language have their own benefits.

Person-First

Chances are, if you've done any kind of work that would have put you into contact with disabled people in the last few decades or so, you were instructed to use person-first language. weather you are a journalist, a doctor, an educator, a government employee, or were part of many, many other industries, chances are that you were taught to use it.

The reason for this is that, before the introduction and widespread use of person-first language to describe disability, non-disabled people were much less kind in how they spoke about us. Many people openly used slurs, even in formal settings, or referred to us (individually) as "the disabled," "the wheelchair," "the blind," "the downs syndrome," etc. e.g. "the wheelchair over there asked for assistance," or "I'm seeing the downs syndrome at 3pm."

This was especially prevalent in the medical field, with healthcare professionals often exclusively referring to their patients in this (or similar) ways, refusing to acknowledge their personhood, the value of their lives or their lived experiences beyond their disabilities. The medical field often mistreated and abused disabled patients, and before the introduction of laws protecting the rights of disabled people, this was not only completely legal to do, but was sometimes encouraged. On top of general mistreatment, disabled people, specifically, those being kept in mental institutions, asylums, and other places dedicated to their "care" (or containment) were often used as human test subjects.

There are countless examples throughout history, such as when Dr Henry Heiman infected two boys with gonorrhoea without their consent or the consent of their parents in New York in 1895, one of whom was only four years old with epilepsy and the other was 16 years old with unspecified intellectual disabilities. Dr Thomas Francis infected multiple disabled individuals with influenza in 1941, and George L. Fitch who infected six children under 12 living in the "Hawaiian Leper Colony" with what he thought was Syphilis in 1833. The personhood of the victims of these studies were often ignored or downplayed, so it's not too surprising then, that when the disabled community was finally able to start pushing back against their mistreatment in the late 1900's (The specific decade varies depending on which country you're talking about), they advocated for language that put their humanity and personhood first and foremost, making it much harder for people to forget that they were, in fact, still people and deserved to be treated as such.

Today, person-first is still preferred by parts of the community who still face more dehumanisation than most in the disabled community. for example, it's still very popular among people with downs syndrome. Of course, generalisations are just that: generalisations. There are many people with disabilities who experience very extreme dehumanisations, and still prefer not to use person-first, and vice versa.

There are also a number of disabilities that simply don't have names that work using identity-first language for grammatical reasons, such as people with ADHD (though some online communities use "ADHDers" in more informal settings) or people with BPD. Most often these are the disabilities who's names are acronyms, and so person-first is still used, but more out of necessity than genuine preference.

Identity-First

Identity first isn't technically newer than person-first language, but it's use, and it's name, has changed connotations recently as it has begun to become popular in parts of the community.

You see, for some people, their disabilities are an important part of their sense of self, or at the very least, their disabilities are so impactful on their lives, for better or worse, that they feel like they would be a completely different person without them. This is what we mean when we talk about disability as an identity, and what we mean when we say identity-first.

For some folks who prefer identity-first language, they feel like person-first is trying to distance them from their disability, often for the comfort of non-disabled people. It makes a disability sound like something you carry with you and that you could simply leave at the door if you could, not an important part of yourself. It sounds as strange as saying "A person with creativity" as opposed to "a creative person" or, to compare it to another identity of my own, "a person with gayness" instead of "a gay person".

This particular reason is popular among communities such as some parts of the autistic community, as autism impacts their brain, their personality, their interests, the way they communicate with others and more. If they were suddenly "cured" of their autism, they would be totally different people, and so they feel "autistic" is a better descriptor, as they simply can't be separated from their disability. It's a part of what makes them who they are. This is also popular among people born with their disabilities who have only ever known life that way, or those who have had their disabilities for a long time. Their disability, weather directly (such as autism) or indirectly (due to how people treat them, what opportunities or lack there of were available to them, the people they interacted with, etc) has impacted them so much that, once again, if they weren't disabled, they would have become a wholly different person.

Some prefer identity-first because they feel that they should not have to remind others that they are people. They feel it is unnecessary, and that if you need to be constantly reminded that any group of people you don't belong to are still people just because they are different to you, that's honestly just concerning. And then there are some in the community, who just prefer it because it's usually shorter and easier to say.

There's also a lot of people who don't really care either way. Personally, I fall into this category for the most part, as do most people I know. while I do lean more towards identity-first because it's easier to write and say, and because I agree, I think we as a society shouldn't need to be reminded of anyone's personhood so frequently in 2024, I also recognise that unfortunately, some people do still need that reminder.

It's important to note, that calling someone "the wheelchair," "the disabled," "The autistic," etc is not identity-first language, it's typically under the categorisation of objectifying language and you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who likes or prefers that. Using identity-first language for these disabilities might look like, "Wheelchair user," "autistic/disabled person" or "that person is disabled/autistic". A good rule-of-thumb is to just avoid using "the" when referring to individuals or even groups of people (e.g. the disabled, the elderly, the gays etc).

Slurs

I also want to talk about slurs briefly. A slur, in this context, is defined by Merriam Webster as "an insulting or disparaging remark or innuendo," though it is often used specifically when referring to words of particularly strong impact, often with a lot of history behind why they have that impact.

For the disability community, many (though not all) of our slurs are somewhat unique, in that they were once considered medical diagnoses. While a lot of people do make this argument disingenuously, I do believe there are some people who are genuinely confused about this, which is why I quickly want to bring it up.

Words like "cripple," "retard," and many, many more I am not comfortable saying for a variety of reasons, all started as actual diagnoses. In fact, several of the sources I used even use them in this way, such as the sites and books I found talking about the two boys Henry Heinman infected almost always referring to them as being "mentally retarded" or "experiencing mental retardation".

I've talked about "cripple" specifically in detail before, but in all of these cases, the word went from a neutral descriptor (at least, in theory) to something that was used in increasingly negative ways, both by the medical professionals diagnosing people with these terms, and the general public. In medical settings, these words were often used to justify the horrible treatment directed at people with disabilities (Like we discussed before), and even after protections were put into place, the language kept its associations. In the general public, these words started being used as insults directly, both directed at disabled people and in general. If you went to school in the 2000's, you probably heard "retard" being used as an insult on the playground as a replacement for stupid or ridiculous. You can see how, when a whole generation starts associating a diagnosis with "ridiculous" it starts to become an issue. This would then feed back into how the terms were used medically. As much as we'd like to think of doctors and healthcare professionals as being unaffected by cultural norms, history has proven time and time again that this was not the case. If you'd grown up hearing a real diagnosis as a synonym for an insult, it's not going to make your opinion of the patients you're giving that title to particularly positive unless you're going to spend a lot of time deconstructing those implications, which, in my experience, many do not.

So yes, even though these might have been acceptable terms once, their use in overwhelmingly negative ways has caused a lot of disabled people to become deeply uncomfortable with them, and they have since been deemed slurs.

Of course, not every slur related to disability came from outdated diagnostic terms. The M-slur used against little people, for example, originated during the times where little people's only option for employment was in freak-shows and other demeaning rolls, such as being kept as pets by nobility. The M-slur was used to compare them to a type of small, annoying fly, a midge, as a way to further humiliate and dehumanise them.

There have been movements that attempted or are currently in the process of reclaiming some of these slurs, with notable examples like the "cripplepunk" community for physically disabled people (They do, however, ask that able-bodied people call the movement "c-punk" instead). Though other words like "retard" are more debated, and many people with intellectual and cognitive disabilities (who the slur was usually directed at) feel it is too early to start that process, or feel it should not be reclaimed at all. At the end of the day, it is the people with the disabilities impacted by these terms who get to decide if, how and when a slur is reclaimed, not outside forces and wider society.

Focusing back in on authors and creatives for a moment, if you're writing a disabled character, but you yourself are not disabled, I'd highly recommend against using slurs in your work, even if your character is part of the community that could reclaim it. Even if you are disabled in that same way, I'd recommend caution. I often call myself a cripple in a joking light, but I probably will never feel comfortable including it in any of my work (outside articles like this where we're discussing it, of course). If you really, really must include these slurs, make sure to get input from others in the community.

Outgroup Terms

Finally, one last thing I want to bring up is in reference to the "outgroup terms" disabled people use for people without a disability.

A very common misconception is that if you aren't disabled, you're able-bodied, but this isn't true! Able-bodied (sometimes shortened to A.B.) refers to people without physical disabilities specifically, so you can be able-bodied but still have an intellectual disability or some kind of neurodivergence like autism, dyslexia, or schizophrenia. Likewise, you can be neurotypical - the word for people who aren't neurodivergent - and physically disabled.

If you want to refer to people without any disabilities at all, the most common way to do that, and the term I've been using throughout this post, is just non-disabled. Some people also use the term "abled" but this isn't as widely agreed upon, as many people assume it's just a shortened version of able-bodied.

Conclusion

As I said in the beginning, this post is meant to just be a general guide, not hard and fast rules. The disabled community isn't a monolith, and we don't agree on everything and that's ok. Different people and groups will have different preferences and that's ok too. If you're an outsider to the community and you aren't sure what words or terms to use, just ask (so long as you're polite about it and/or it's relevant to the conversation at hand, it's fine) but always respect an individual's preference over a generic piece of advice like this post. Under no circumstances should you ever correct a disabled person on how they refer to themselves and their own community. If they refer to themselves as disabled, that's great. If they call themselves, a person with a disability, also great! I can not tell you how many non-disabled people who have told me I am "disrespecting myself" for calling myself an amputee, autistic or disabled.

At the end of the day, how any individual wishes to refer to themselves is their choice, but for creatives, especially those of you writing disabled characters as a non-disabled person, it's important to be aware of the reception and implications different words may have with your audience.

[Thumbnail ID: An image of overlapping speech bubbles on a blue background containing several terms, ranging from commonly accepted to offensive, used to refer to disabled people. Some of the more easily visible bubbles say things like "differently abled," "Disabled," "Special Needs," "Person With a Disability," "Special," "Slow" and many more. In the centre, the biggest bubble says "Disability 101: The Language of Disability." /End ID]

#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg #Disability 101 #Long Post #Disability #Disabled #Disability Representation #Writing Disability #Writing #Writeblr #Authors #Creators #Writing Advice #Disabled Characters #Disability History #Language #On Writing #Disability in Media

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cursedvibes · 29 days

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The way people are focusing on "My fav Gojo is not racist, he's just ignorant" and "Gege really hates Gojo he made him racist" when it was not even the point of that interaction. The point was to educate and talk about some stereotypes about black people that are harmful to the community and, if you look into it I'm sure you'll find has it origins in slavery.

Besides, Gojo is privileged and comes from an old money family, and it looks like he isolatehimself from others. Of course, it's in character for him to say stupid things like that. Even if he strives for change.

Yeah, everyone is so pressed that their fave is being problematic (which honestly Gojo has always been, he's hardly a saint and he treats many people quite shitty like for example Utahime and Ijichi) that they miss the bigger picture of this. Given, I think there are better ways to get that point across, but the aim here was definitely not "look at what a uniquely bad person Gojo is, I want to make readers hate him" it's for readers to reflect upon themselves and their own biases, conscious or not. Gojo is often being a dick to people, Miguel included, but this wasn't it. He wasn't just being annoying as usual, he made a misinformed statement rooted in racism "black people are naturally stronger/tougher/more resistant" and he got told off for it, which actually led to him apologizing. He expresses bigoted views, that are quite common all around the world and can lead to real harm like for example medical discrimination, but people often don't question or even notice that they have these views. I think exactly because he's such a fan-favourite character, Miguel calling him out and Gojo admitting he said fucked up shit is important.

Gojo might make a trip to Kenya to meet Yuuta, but unsurprisingly doesn't have any real black acquaintances and the one black person he knows a little better doesn't like him because he treats him like shit, an expandable tool (given, Miguel did try to help someone do a genocide so it's not like him working to make up for that in principle is a problem, but Gojo is not just treating him badly because of that) and has dismissed him and his culture as a whole. Gojo's racism towards Miguel didn't come out of thin air with chapter 255.

No wonder Miguel wants him dead.

You could say Gojo's racism and ignorance got punished before as this powerful cursed tool he so casually dismisses here together with its history could have gotten him out of the box much earlier. If he hadn't gone out of his way to destroy part of Kenyian sorcerer's culture because of his fear that it might be used to hurt him, he might still be alive. This chapter the payback was just more direct, Miguel was given the space to push back and not just get beat up (making in the previous moment Gojo seem like the righteous cool guy, seen by how the fandom reacted to their fight) and he also didn't sugar-coat it and straight up said "you're being racist".

The fact that Gojo apologized, something quite rare for him, and didn't defend his uninformed views or mocked Miguel for questioning him also shows that a lot of this comes from unaddressed biases, irrational fears and having lived a sheltered life in terms of being exposed to other cultures (and actually valuing them) that influence his judgement. He's not trying to be maliciously racist, but he clearly doesn't know what he's talking about and why it is harmful. I don't think he revelled in destroying other people's culture, he was just driven by a base fear, but that doesn't make the harm he caused any better. He's never had any reason to engage with black people on a personal level and that has unsurprisingly led to some ignorant opinions about them. Again, a very common sentiment which Gege uses Gojo to highlight. This is clearly reflecting arguments and talking points Gege has heard themselves and tried to address here. I'm sure there are all kinds of wild racist takes about Miguel on Japanese social media, I know the English side has them plenty.

I think the message Gege wanted to send was executed a bit clunkily by for example still tying Miguel's CT to rhythm (replacing the inhumanly strong black guy stereotype with another common one) and putting the burden all on Miguel to educate the people around him. Similarly, having only one (explicit) black person in the manga who has to then explain anti-black racism to the reader makes it feel very forced. I think you could've avoided a lot of that and included these topics more dynamically by giving us more background on Miguel's technique and how he came to it and comparing it to cursed technique's of other Kenyan or African sorcerer's. Another option would be making Hakari for example Black-Asian (or Todo or Yaga). He has a darker skin tone than the other characters and differently textured hair (which would already lead to him having to face a bunch of bigotry in his everyday life) and he is hated by the conservative higher-ups. So actually do something with that and address it.

Even Japanese people who are merely slightly tanned get harassed. Just being from Kyushu or Okinawa, somewhere where it's much warmer and sunnier and therefore not being as pale as the average person in e.g. Tokyo will get you plenty of derogatory comments, especially if you're a woman. That goes extra for indigenous people like the Ryukyuan or Ainu who not only face prejudice because of their appearance but also legal discrimination because of their origins and challenge the very popular notion that Japan only has one ethnic group and one language. Japan still struggles with a lot of racism internally against their own people, so you can imagine that it's even worse for anyone who newly immigrated or with parents who immigrated (in the best of times you will always be treated as a foreigner no matter how well you speak the language or integrate into the culture simply because you look "different"). It has gotten better in recent times, but it's still a problem, as Gege pointed out in this chapter.

Coming back to Hakari, we would also be able to see through him how jujutsu society treats black-identified Japanese sorcerers, which would be a different perspective from Miguel's who only visits Japan occasionally and mostly operated outside the system until Gojo came along. Black people aren't just something distant overseas, they are also Japanese citizens. You could show if and how jujutsu society differs from regular Japanese society. Most likely they are even more behind as they also discriminate against what kind of cursed technique you have (modern or one based on a long bloodline, which would automatically work against anyone not born in Japan and with a long family history there). You could also combine it with the transphobia Kirara faced and generally show how this system fails young sorcerers who don't conform to their norm.

But yeah, sorry Gojo is not perfect and will fall into the same stereotypical and bigoted thinking as many other people who rarely step outside their narrow homogenous social circle. Like you said, he's privileged with old money and family history who pride themselves on their bloodline. He's generally very narrow-minded about things that don't interest him or he sees as irrelevant like how he doesn't bother to understand Maki or has no problem ignoring a starving child on the road (who cares what happens to Hana, she's weak and Megumi is the strong one, he's who matters here and deserves to be lifted out of poverty) and international sorcerers fall under that as well. There are so little of them so it's okay to ignore them, why should he bother reaching out or informing himself about people abroad, he's never gonna interact with them anyway. If they get too dangerous for his taste, he's just gonna slap them around a bit and take away their sharp toys.

Honestly, I think what Gojo did previously is worse than what he said this chapter. He can learn to check his internalized racism and be more mindful of how he talks to Miguel or black people in general (he shows openness to criticism and improvement here), but he can't bring back Black Rope. It falls to Kenya's sorcerers to recreate it, which will take decades. They'll feel the impact of Gojo's actions long past his death, even when he can't say anything ignorant or racist anymore.

So I don't think this ruins his character, was done by Gege to make Gojo fans feel bad, or meant to keep anyone from liking him. He has character flaws and that is fine. He gets challenged on them and receives push back for them plenty in the story. I can understand that some fans feel bad reading the chapter, hearing Gojo regurgitate talking points they might've heard said against them as well, but it's not really Gege's fault for addressing this very common issue.

#asks #jjk spoilers #jjk 255 #jjk leaks

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izicodes · 3 months

Text

Sunday 21st January 2024

>> I made a post yesterday of me mini-ranting about how I don't have any proper career goals because the ones I made years ago I've achieved now, so I'm questioning myself "What now? 🙃".

Then I remembered I have a recruiter mate and I emailed him asking for help and he gave me a long list of what I could do now to get better from my position. And I like sharing help so here's what he said + my own notes of what I understood from them~!

Hope this helps you too~!

🩶 Assess Current Skills and Set Goals

Identify your strengths and weaknesses.

Set clear goals for technical and leadership skill development.

My notes: I am good at some languages/technologies whilst I am a complete noob in others. Yes, I use them but I am not confident in them and always have to Google what is going on. I need to make a list of all the languages I am good at and those I am not so good at. Maybe even list why I'm not good at them. The same goes for non-technical skills. Got to make plans/goals on how I will improve them and get out of my comfort bubble on my comfort technologies and expand! Leadership skills would probably improve when I get solo projects given/have to present at Team meetings on my own in front of everyone~!

🩶 Technical Skill Enhancement

Deepen your proficiency in current programming languages.

Explore new technologies and frameworks relevant to your field.

My notes: I already answered this in the top one, but I shouldn't neglect my current skills to be able to learn the new ones. With the languages I am good and confident in, I still feel as though I haven't reached the more advanced stuff of that language. OOP stuff skill scares me in any programming language so I need to face my fears and learn it. From time to time, check what's popular in the market in terms of technology used and see which one aligns with my dream tech stack to use in the future and make plans to learn and develop myself~!

🩶 Project Leadership and Collaboration

Volunteer to lead small projects or take on more responsibility in current projects.

Collaborate with cross-functional teams to understand different aspects of project development.

My notes: At work, I eventually (since I'm still new) should ask to be the lead on some projects just like my higher-up developer is to me. Lead my own projects, without having to report to someone unless in dire need or when the project is complete for testing, etc. The team is small so I should talk to the non-developers in the team and see from their POV how the project is. Understand different types of people in the team and communicate effectively. All of this can be transferred to non-work projects like an online group project on an Open-Source project on GitHub for example - lead projects and taking more responsibilities. Being able to talk to people with different skillsets as we work on a group project~!

🩶 Attend Workshops and Networking Events

Attend workshops, conferences, and networking events to expand your knowledge and connections.

Seek mentorship from experienced professionals, including CTOs.

My notes: My gosh, I dread this honestly. I'm still a relatively shy person so going to workshops and events still brings small anxiety but that's something I do want to break~! I will never know what I will learn, who I will meet etc if I don't go to one! I want to aim that this year I would like to go to one, preferably in or near my city. I always love the idea of having a mentor, honestly, I was going to pay someone to help mentor me on that part ( >> loads of cites offer mentorships for programming!!! ) but I feel like my manager right now is that person so I will keep working with him to develop more~!

In conclusion, self-improvement as a programmer is both challenging and super hard to get started BUT rewarding in the end~!

#xc: programming blog post #my resources #codeblr #coding #progblr #programming #studyblr #studying #computer science #tech #study inspiration #career advice post #career tips #career advice #career #resources

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majimasleftasscheek · 9 months

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Have you played Yakuza 6 yet? If so ya got any kazumaji head canons based off the events of the game?

I absolutely love your ideas for them and I am beyond upset that Majima was barley in the game. Or even mentioned that much.

They did the boi dirty in this game, I swear.

*clenches my ass hard enough to shit diamonds*

oh I have OPINIONS about 6 I'll tell you that but it is good fodder for the kazumaji agenda 👀 I'mma be kinda rambly in this but I promise it all ties together kdjfjkldfkldf

so we all know Kiryu goes off to find Haruka and because I'm a big fan of dadjima, I can only imagine Kiryu lets him know while he's stuck in jail and Majima's just like WHAT

so Kiryu does a lot of self reflection but acting upon it is another matter. I can see Majima chastising him, saying she ran away cuz that's all Kiryu ever does (part of him is still pissy about him leaving in y3) and she's never had a healthy role model other than the king of hypocrisy. Kiryu would go on about how it's just to protect people yada yada but Majima would be like my guy, you left a bunch of kids in the care of your daughter who should not be parenting for you. you refuse any and all help because you think you can do it all on your own. you left me with Daigo who you said I wouldn't be babysitting AND YET—

I just want Majima to absolutely rail into him about how self serving he's acted despite better intentions. like of course Haruka ran away, look how much pressure she was under, what she went through in the idol bizz (maybe I'm a loser but I did not like Haruka's part in y5 that shit icked me), what you (Kiryu) do every time you feel like a burden to people. how naïve it was to think any part of Kiryu's past would leave him behind just because he wanted it to. how his lone wolf thing impedes on everybody else. how in 5 he literally says he needs to stop running from his past and he does it anyway. this game FRUSTRATES ME rrhrrhhrhrr KIRYU FRUSTRATES ME ACK. but also I have a thing for Majima just being angry at him, to actually lash out and spew all those feelings of being left behind or being refused to let help because Kiryu's stubborn. how he let himself be used all those years to help Kiryu out just because he asked and now once again Kiryu's off on his own, never changing his tune about how he doesn't wanna rely on people. Majima's not perfect either and frankly he communicates like shit too but I just want that RAGE to get out and explore how Kiryu would hear him but never listen. makes it all the more tragic when he finds out Kiryu "died."

*tho I must note, as much as it does irritate me, 6 makes sense entirely for Kiryu's character lol. nothing he does in it surprises me in the slightest so while I'm not a fan of the story, it's pretty fitting for him since he's the downfall of his own story half the time. and it's not so simple as just saying Kiryu's to blame. he's constantly forced to deal with shit just as much as he wants to be left alone. he struggles and he tries hard I'll give him that. I don't think he's a bad person for what he aimed to do in 6 but he's not infallible either. and sometimes it's just par for the course. like how he makes the compromise at the end of the game to disappear so his family can be at peace all the while in his history, he's had major problems doing what he's told - never truly disappearing anyway, going about whatever's gonna happen in gaiden. could you imagine if Haruka caught wind that some resting bitch face motherfucker is beating the shit outta armies somewhere? could you imagine her finding out that Kiryu left again?

honestly I think his character is really interesting cuz of this. he has good intentions and I feel like to him there's some expectation that people should understand this, that people should accept his choices. I think it's fun to explore how others react to that - how it's in a way offensive, that Kiryu thinks he knows what's best and how to handle it as if he has all the power and say. how pissed people feel about him shoving them away for the sake of their safety, etc. I don't think he'd listen to Majima tbh but I think it's important that someone unafraid of Kiryu's dumbassery would lay it out how it is to him in a way that cuts, more so than Haruka, Date or like Akiyama could.

ANYWAY, Majima's mad at him lol but can't really do anything atm due to the surrounding circumstances. I like to think he's got some of the Majima family watching out for Kiryu and Haruka if they happened to see them. Nishida at least cuz ain't no one gonna arrest a cutie patootie like him. it's not much but it's a little peace of mind. Majima knows Kiryu's reckless as all hell so he's worried and doubly annoyed that Kiryu doesn't care (about his own safety or that other people are concerned for him).

so since Majima has a fat 5 minutes in the whole game, there's not much to say about his involvement overall (other than oopsie stuck in jail) but I've had some thoughts about what all the jimas³ are doing in the meantime.

all the jimas are grouped together because I said so even tho realistically they'd prolly be separated lol. Daigo and Saejima are handling things well enough but Majima's bouncing off the walls in boredom and nothing irks him more than being stuck in one spot while Kiryu's out probably getting hit over the head with a stop sign and refusing medical attention. Daigo's losing his mind but he can agree Kiryu's bullheaded and talking about that keeps Majima distracted. Saejima does his part in trying to get Majima's mind off things now that they have all the time in the world to catch up on whatever.

time passes and I'm rewriting the part in 6 where they show up at the end cuz I live in a fantasy world.

Kiryu "dies" and suddenly the three of them are released early, no doubt knowing his death had something to do with it. Daigo gets Kiryu's letter and Majima makes some joke about Kiryu's literacy but a quick scan of the letter makes Daigo's face drop. he reads it and Majima doesn't think it's real. he doesn't know how to feel. even Saejima is in disbelief. but the letter is vague. it's conjecture written by Kiryu of his own death so there's a chance he's fine. Kiryu's fine, he's always fine. he's been shot and stabbed a million times, he's fine.

but it's not long till it's confirmed by Date. Daigo's skeptical cuz his inner punkass doesn't trust cops. Saejima's on the same page but Majima's in full denial whilst also believing it to be true. his reaction is immediate and violent. he wants something to be done, he wants revenge but Daigo wants to follow Kiryu's wish to avoid war. Majima's so outraged he frankly couldn't give less of a shit about Kiryu's wishes so it's up to Saejima to wrangle him back *insert a dramatic fight here.* Majima gets his ass beat and he's just a mess. things move fast though - the fate of the clan is up in the air and he just couldn't care. but Daigo needs him and for that he pulls it together, just barely.

fast forward to when the jimas go into hiding. they get set up in a lil safehouse via Nick Ogata. I like to see it as a basic bitch type of place, very out of the way, very ignorable but the inside is nice enough. they have to stay cooped up as much as possible and it drives Majima insane. he's fidgety, always pacing. Saejima tries to calm him down and it works for a time until Majima falls into another slump and repeats.

they took a few things with them that they could, mostly small stuff, some clothes and the like. Majima brought along a few of Kiryu's things, namely some pocket cars and a shirt. he wears it often, being very against washing it. Daigo's too stressed to notice but Saejima watches Majima just break down into someone he doesn't know. he's tired, closed off, guilt ridden. Saejima starts to think this is who Majima was after getting out of the Hole. a shell of a person taking blame for things out of his control. losing the will to care for himself as some sort of self imposed punishment for not doing more. seething in silence in the powerlessness.

his beard grows scraggly, his hair is unkept and the circles under his eye grows darker everyday. his behavior mimics his Sotenbori days where everything was for Saejima, all he could think about was Saejima, how he failed him, how if he tried hard enough he could see him again. it's not the case with Kiryu though. he didn't even get to see the body himself.

he's always on his phone reliving memories through photos and conversations. he freaks out when anyone touches the pocket cars and eventually the shirt gets worn out. he's spiraling while the others look on, unsure how to deal with someone whose entire personality revolves around having a fake one.

Saejima takes initiative. maybe he's seen Majima like this before or maybe he hasn't. doesn't matter because he gives Majima a bit of tough love, telling him to get a grip. telling him that Kiryu wouldn't want to see him like this and, under his breath, he needs him in better shape so they can beat the shit outta whoever was responsible. it's not easy of course. it takes Majima awhile to learn how to live again and frankly he doesn't want to talk about Kiryu but Saejima forces him to - to get comfortable with mentioning him, enjoying the memories they had. letting him know it's okay to be vulnerable. it's not a kind or pleasant recovery but it's there. it's helping.

and perhaps some time under supervision, he goes to see Haruka and meets Haruto for the first time. he tries to keep a strong façade for her but she can see right through him and gets one of those rare moments where he's just quiet. where he's real. she catches him up on things and it's a rough one for the both of them, especially since he has to keep the visit short. she doesn't bother asking him where he's going afterward but he promises to keep in touch and that he does. she sends him a lot of photos and videos of the family and he backseat-parents Yuta whenever possible. Haruka's never been a fan of always having Kiryu at arms length but this arrangement helps her deal with the long distance since there's effort on both ends to stay close.

Majima's not used to having others around to help him cope but he eases into it decently enough without the Tojo Clan on his shoulders. he even gets along better with Daigo who has time now to focus more on himself and the grunge within his soul. he's a silly lil dork and that charm reminds him of Kiryu but in a way that doesn't send him spiraling. he starts to see all reminders of Kiryu in a more hopeful light, one that brings back his energy. for most of their home confinement, Majima wouldn't even go out as Goromi since half his confidence came from Kiryu's support. but now and then, with Saejima and Daigo backing him, he can tiptoe a bit back into his fav dresses, ones that Kiryu gave him, ones that hurt to put on because of the baggage they carry. he doesn't even have his wigs anymore so he assembles what he can, how he can into something he knows Kiryu would have called pretty regardless. it stills hurts but it helps.

but, he'll always dip back into the pain of it all. missing intimacy and things taken for granted. he regrets his last words with Kiryu were criticisms knowing he's not perfect himself. maybe he's faced with realizations that he can't survive without certain people, that his attachment issues are brought to the forefront for everyone to see. it's ugly and embarrassing and for the first time in a long time he feels very seen. death's always been a reality for him and he's never cared much for it in regards to himself but losing someone so close, so suddenly? without closure or goodbyes? he's forced to deal with the frailty and mortality of someone he thought was invincible.

and it scares him.

#oughoghg messy messy messy #postLAD I imagine the mess is even worse and love it so much even if it makes me shit and cry and throw up #my hcs #kazumaji #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #kiryu kazuma #majima goro #saejima taiga #my art #dojima daigo #goromi

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