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butch-reidentified · 1 day

Note

if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

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venturelovebot · 3 days

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A/N: AAAAAHHHH my wrists, fingers and elbows hurt but it's done. It took me literally all night to write this. If it doesn't show up in the tags, or if it horrifically flops, I do not care. I loved every moment I poured into writing this and I'll reread it until the end of time and YES I will write a sequel to it AND MORE because I love it that much. Just not right now because ouch. BTW this references what happens in "Plushie Problem" so if you're confused you should read that, too!

Premise: Anxious!GN!reader steps out of their comfort zone for the very first time in a long time. Of course, what could possibly go wrong? Featuring SunShrine and MekaMechanic cameos!

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and assault (not SA). Otherwise it's safe to read!

You feel the dread building up in your stomach as sun began to set over the horizon– but you were ready. Living your life in fear turned out to be exceptionally boring, even if you weren't exactly the loneliest person on earth anymore. This would be your big first step into interacting with the rest of the world and obviously there would be some anxiety. However, no one does anxiety as well as you do. There is where the problem lies.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You can hear the worry in Sloan's voice. Perhaps you've started rubbing off on them.

"I think so."

You step outside the bedroom and smile, but even that seemed to be out of fear.

"I'm proud of you for trying this. You look amazing, by the way." Their compliment turns your anxious smile into a cheerful grin.

You've never dressed up this much before. It almost reminded you of an early 2000's Hot Topic ad, and they were dressed no differently.

Your beloved wraps their arms around you and pulls you in for a tight, comforting hug. They nuzzle their face to yours and you begin to feel the lead in your stomach lighten to feathers.

"Don't forget your backpack." They hand you your heart shaped backpack adorned with bat wings.

You open the zipper and check for everything inside: fidget toys, tiny weighted [favorite animal] plushie, protective ear wear decorated with stickers, anxiety pills, phone, wallet. That was everything.

"Are you ready?"

You take a deep breath in and exhale to center yourself before the door opens.

"I'm ready."

The venue wasn't particularly crowded tonight and you were deeply thankful for that. Colorful flashing lights could be seen on both stories of the building with loud music playing from within. Then the anxiety hit you like a pound of bricks.

"We still have time to go home." Sloan offers, seeing apprehension beginning to form on your face.

"Maybe just twenty minutes... then we go home." You frown.

"Whatever you want to do, mi cielo."

You gaze down at the ground next and weigh both options in your mind. On one hand you could avoid anything unpleasant happening by just going home. On the other hand you'd miss you and your beloveds favorite band as the closing act. While arguing with yourself you can feel their arm wrap around your waist to help you feel safer.

Quite the conflict.

You swallow nervously and put on your hearing protection. "Okay."

The two of you approach the main entrance and your trembling continues. As soon as the door opens it feels like the music permeates you down to your very atoms. Never in your entire life had you heard anything so needlessly and obnoxiously loud. The ear protection helps slightly but you still couldn't hear yourself think. There's also no point in trying to talk as you wouldn't be heard anyway. Instead, you tug on Sloan's shirt and they turn towards you immediately. You point upwards towards the second floor and they nod.

The relief as soon as you stepped on the upper floor was immense. Whatever magic they used to make it monumentally quieter up here should be used considerably more in all public spaces. You feel confident enough to remove your hearing protection and place it around your neck for now.

"Do you mind if we stay up here?" You ask.

"Of course not. Wherever you feel safest!"

You're so thankful that they're understanding.

You both sit near the back of the venue on a row of interconnected seating where it was dimmer so the flashing lights didn't irritate your eyes.

"You're doing great so far!"

Sloan cups your face affectionately and you reach up to place your hand over theirs. The two of you watch everything going on from your safe little place in the corner– and the view was by no means bad, either. You could see the current band playing and the crowd of fans cheering their hearts out.

"Do you want anything to drink? I can get us something if you want." They offer.

"Maybe just a soda." You reply.

"Alright. You don't mind if I have a drink or two, do you?" They ask.

You shake your head. They pat your head and lean down to give you a kiss to your forehead before walking off. In the mean time you remove your backpack and hug it close to your chest in case you needed quick access. You watch as different people walk up and down the stairs, sit down, mingle and talk to each other and you can't help but wonder what it must be like to have a life without debilitating anxiety.

"Well then... didn't expect to see you here." A familiar voice sounds from behind you, and your anxiety spikes.

Once she steps out into view your nerves relax again.

"Illari? You're a fan of rock music? Also, you look gorgeous!" You smile as your friend comes to greet you.

"I guess we never really talked about music much. I didn't expect you to like it, either." Illari returns your warm smile, except when she does it, it feels like genuine sunshine. "You also look great!"

"Aww man, who invited this nerd?" You hear Sloan joke as they return with a beer and your favorite soda. They sit next to you with a grin on their face.

Illari takes a seat on the opposite side of you. "You're the one to talk."

She's not great at returning insults, but she tries her best.

The three of you exchange casual conversation for a little while as the first band concludes their performance and the next one begins setting up. For a while all is well, and your heart is at peace.

"So– you didn't tell either of us you liked rock music Illari!"

"I do! I promise. I'm also on a date–"

"A WHAT?!"

Illari giggles at Sloan's reaction. You have to admit you're also surprised.

"WITH WHO?!"

"Uh, with me?" A devious voice replies.

A beautiful girl approaches Illari and places a quick kiss to her lips.

"KIRIKO?! OH MY GOD!!!"

You've never met this girl before.

"We've been dating for a while. You just never noticed." Kiriko's eyes fall on to you. "Who's your date, then? I don't believe we've met."

Your hands grip your backpack even harder as the spotlight is metaphorically put on you.

"This is [Y/N]! I told you that I fixed their stuffie for them when all that... drama... happened."

"Oh! That's right. I'm really sorry that happened to you." Kiriko's face warms up after hearing your name. "I have a fox stuffie I made myself! I'd be happy to show you sometime!"

Illari stands up and Kiriko wraps her arm around her waist. "Well it was nice meeting you, [Y/N]! See you around sometime!"

You nod with a content look on your face. The pair wander back downstairs and disappear into the crowd. The music begins to play once again.

You turn towards your beloved and smile.

"I'm glad this is going better than expected." You admit, and the joy on Sloan's face is immense.

It was clear they loved seeing you enjoy yourself.

"And I'm glad you're having a good time, mi corazón."

The two of you enjoy your drinks in a comfortable silence before the song changes. A mosh pit almost immediately begins to form.

"OH! I gotta go join in–" They immediately stand up before the realization hits them. "Would you be fine if I went downstairs for a song or two? I promise I'll be back up here afterwards!" They grab your hands and beg.

You can feel your nerves activate at the thought of being left alone... but you didn't want to see your beloved disappointed.

"Okay. Just be careful!"

"I will be!" They head towards the stairs before turning back one last time. "I'll be back, I promise!"

Then you were truly alone. You clutch your backpack again before opening it for a fidget toy– a little button pressing mini game with cute sounds and visuals. It keeps your fingers and mind occupied for a small amount of time. More people continue to pass you by but you continue your game without looking up.

To your dismay, someone practically falls on to the couch next to you. The scent of alcohol assaults your senses and you attempt to ignore it.

Just mind your own business.

"Hey."

Oh no.

You look up from your fidget toy and your fidget toy session ends with a GAME OVER.

"Um, hi."

They're so drunk that they barely register your reply. You slide in the opposite direction of them when they're looking away from you. Your heart begins to pound and dread fills the entirety of your body. They turn back with a grin.

"You're pretty cute." Their words slur together.

"Oh! Uh, thanks." You fake a smile.

"How much?"

You thought you were hearing things, so you ask them to repeat the question.

"How. Much?" They hiccup.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I'm not who you're looking for–"

You start to get up before a hand grabs your hair. Pure, unadulterated terror fills your entire body and your nerves begin to sear in straight anxiety.

You knew it was a mistake to go out tonight. You knew it, and you went against your better judgement anyway.

"Hey! You didn't answer my question! How much? I can pay with whatever you want–"

"I'm sorry but I don't do that type of work!"

You wince and cry out in pain as they attempt to pull you back down.

"Hold on!"

Without any other choice you let out a scream to get other people's attention. All the heads on the second floor turn to see what's going on. Your hair is still being pulled on by a total stranger.

"Hey! Let them go, right now!" A tall, muscular girl shouts and makes her way over. A shorter, more petite girl follows behind.

"I'm recording right now! Let them go or we'll go to the police!" The shorter girl demands.

The drunk person finally lets go of your hair and you run as fast as you could with no direction in mind– but unknown to you, they begin to follow suit. A girl with spiky brown hair sticks her foot out and trips them after she lets you run past her.

You rush out the door and into the night with tears streaming down your face. You're heaving, screaming and running until you're lost and exhausted.

"What's going on over here?" Someone in the crowd of the second floor asks.

"Can someone call the police? This person just assaulted someone!" Brigitte asks.

Security immediately arrives to escort the drunk person out from the venue.

"I got the whole thing on video." Hana places her burning hot phone in her back pocket. "Apparently in 4K and 60 FPS. My phone is on fire..."

"What about that poor person who ran? Are they okay? Should we go and look for them?" Lena suggests.

All three girls stare into the darkness of the night.

"Oh! Look! They left their bag!" Hana notices, walking over to it. "There's also two drinks. They obviously came here with someone."

She unzips your bag and digs through your stuff as carefully as possible. "That's not good. Their phones in here, and their medicine."

"Medicine? Do you know what it's for?" Brigitte asks.

Hana shakes her head.

"Oh! Angela might know!"

Lena takes a picture of your medicine and sends it directly to Angela– lovingly assigned the nickname "Dr. Mercy" in her phone.

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: Angela it's an emergency!!! (10:09 PM)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: (Uploaded a photo at 10:10 PM.)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: what is this pill? please respond asap!!! :((( (10:10 PM)

💛 Dr. Mercy 😇🪽: Lena, what's going on? (10:16 PM)

💛 Dr. Mercy 😇🪽: I'm not well versed in medication but I've seen those given to patients before surgery. It's an anxiety pill. (10:17 PM)

💛 Dr. Mercy 😇🪽: What in the world is happening? (10:17 PM)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: no time to explain Angela!!! I promise it wasn't me though!!! (10:18 PM)

Another message from Angela pops up but Lena puts her phone back in her pocket.

"Angela said it was for anxiety."

"Well, we can't just let them wander the streets alone without their personal possessions, especially their medication... we have to at least try to find them." Brigitte adds.

"How do we even start? They could be anywhere by now!" Hana frowns.

All three girls look at each other in anticipation.

"Group chat?" Brigitte suggests.

"Group chat." Hana and Lena reply at the same time.

✨🎶 LE SERAFFIM 4EVR 🪩✨

💖 AF BB 💪🏻: (Uploaded a photo at 10:20 PM.)

💝 AF Dazzle 💋: Alright lets see if this summons her (10:20 PM)

🦊 AF ✨✨: Huh??? That's [Y/N]s ID??? What's going on (10:21 PM)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: Long story short we need to find this person before something else bad happens :( (10:21 PM)

👾: (Uploaded a photo at 10:23 PM.)

✨💜 JUNKRAT LE SSERAFIM STAN FOR LIFE 💜✨: huh (10:23 PM)

"SO, DO WE TELL THEM OR NOT?" Illari yells at the top of her lungs.

Kiriko and Illari glance at Sloan absolutely losing it in the mosh pit.

"WE HAVE TO! IT'S [Y/N]!" Kiriko replies at the same volume.

She turns and begins to brave the overly excited crowd. After what feels like hours of swimming upstream she reaches up and clasps Sloan on the shoulder. Instantly she feels their fist slam directly into her eye and she yells out in pain. Sloan turns around and gasps.

"OH MY GOD, KIRIKO, ARE YOU OKAY? I'M SO SORRY!"

Glowing blue petals float around her before she shakes her head to stabilize herself.

"THAT'S OKAY! MAGICAL FOX SPIRIT PROMOTES FAST HEALING!" She gets back to the important topic at hand. "LISTEN, [Y/N]–"

As soon as they hear your name they become dead serious. Unfortunately for Kiriko though, a massive wave of people separates the two of them and their conversation is cut short. She's forced back towards the entrance near Illari.

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW?" Illari asks.

"I HAVE AN IDEA BUT YOU'LL NEED TO TRUST ME!"

Before Illari can answer Kiriko begins a sequence of fast hand movements and more glowing blue petals begin to form inside the venue. People thought it was some sort of visual effect the band had planned on doing and grew wilder at the scene. A rush of wind courses inside the building as Kiriko's kitsune grants her the strength she needs to begin pushing people out the way, but is rightfully stopped by Illari before that happens.

"WE CAN'T JUST SHOVE PEOPLE, IT'LL START A MASSIVE FIGHT!" Illari pulls her back by her side.

"WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST, THEN?"

"LET ME SIT ON YOUR SHOULDERS!"

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR PIGGY BACK RIDES!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

In the middle of the planning Sloan begins to fight their way out of the crowd to the best of their ability, but it feels nearly impossible to move forward when you're being pushed back by dozens of people.

That's when they feel it– the breeze... their eyes turn teal blue.

From the very back they can see Illari waving their arms frantically attempting to call them over.

They move through the crowd effortlessly.

Illari hops off Kiriko's shoulders once Sloan makes it safely to their position before the kitsune's rush wears off.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" They ask.

"UPSTAIRS! NOW!" Illari replies.

The group of six huddle together in the back as the atmosphere around the venue slowly turns back to normal. Sloan goes through your backpack just to make sure everything is still safe inside. Thankfully, all is left mostly untouched aside from Hana's search from earlier.

"Sombra sent us this picture. We're pretty sure they're only a few blocks away, but we still have to hurry or else they'll be gone by the time we get there."

Brigitte hands their phone to Sloan.

"Oh God... I really shouldn't have left them on their own." Their tone is sullen and full of guilt, just like the look on their face.

"There's no time to blame yourself. We have to find [Y/N] before something else happens." Illari places a comforting hand on their shoulder.

They only nod.

"Okay. You, Kiriko and Sloan go one way. We'll go the other. The entire city is designed to lead back to the north. Don't ask me how I know that–" Brigitte starts to remember the struggle of trying to find this place, but there's no time for that. "If they are where we think they are then it should be easy to get to them from here. If not... then we'll plan something else when we get there. Let's just get going before we have to start planning again."

Nobody argues with that.

"So, let me get this straight... you went to a music show–" Sombra begins counting on her fingers "Got assaulted by some random drunk person, ran, forgot all your stuff and now you're trying to find your way back?"

You nod while attempting to wipe your eyes dry. All of your smeared, ruined makeup had been rubbed off by now. A loud crack of thunder sounds in the distance announcing rain was on its way.

"Hm. Not the trickiest situation I've ever heard of..." Sombra then scoffs. "Definitely one of the funniest, though."

You crouch to your knees and began sobbing uncontrollably once again. "I'm going to die out here!" You shout, feeling totally helpless like a lost child in a grocery store.

Sombra watches as you begin having a genuine mental breakdown– does she actually feel bad, for once in her adult life...? Perhaps a little.

She pulls up a screen out of thin air and watches as the group of six people frantically searches for– what she's assuming is– this person in front of her. She raises an eyebrow as one of the colored dots on her screen comes close to her location but turns around at the very last moment.

"Wow." She comments as if she's watching a game. "These guys are hopeless."

"You're going to kill me, aren't you?" You accuse the girl in front of you with a real, sincere despair.

Sombra chokes back a laugh.

"No, I'm no murderer. Not yet, anyway." Now, she laughs. "I wouldn't waste my first kill on you, though."

You can't tell rather to feel insulted or relieved... so you go with relieved. It's not enough to stop your full on meltdown, however.

"Now, let's see. Oooh!" Sombra watches once again as one the dots come closer, only to make the same mistake of getting turned around. "Oh. They must be throwing. There's no way!"

Your crying becomes more intense. She sighs, closes the screen and rolls her eyes before hacking a nearby vending machine for two sodas. She walks over and proceeds to offer you one.

"Here. Don't tell anybody I did this, okay?"

It's your favorite soda.

"H-huh?" You take the soda with gratitude. "How'd you know?"

"It's my favorite, too."

You open the bottle cap and drink all of the fizzy contents inside. It feels refreshing to your scratched up and tired throat.

"Now stop crying." Sombra pulls up her tracking screen again. "Or at least be quieter. I can't hear myself think."

Out of fear for your life you do as the lady tells you, but not even a minute later...

"Ah. Finally. My work here is done."

You glance up only to notice the lady who helped you has completely disappeared.

"[Y/N]?" You hear Illari's voice in the distance. "[Y/N]!"

You stand up to greet her, but she nearly knocks you down with a charging hug.

"[Y/N]!" Kiriko follows suit, using her kitsune rush to pick you up and swing you around.

You're overwhelmed by the amount of attention you receive.

"Oh, sorry... maybe I shouldn't have done that."

You smile despite the anxiety. "It's okay."

"Hey! Good looking out, Illari!" The muscular girl you don't recognize runs up to you next. The petite girl isn't far behind, just like you saw them last.

There's two blinding flashes of blue light as another short, petite girl appears out of thin air. You thought she looked familiar... but there's no time to rack your brain right now.

"Oh, good! We all made it!" The petite girl– the one behind the muscular girl– cheers. "Wait, where's Sloan?"

You can hear loud, sprinting footsteps approach in the distance before everyone nearly gets knocked out of the way. "[Y/N]!!!"

They nearly knock you to the ground just as Illari had, only this time it was several times more intense. You feel their arms wrap around you in the tightest hug they've ever given you. You embrace them with relief flooding your tired brain. They hold the back of your head and nuzzle into your face as if they haven't seen you in years.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," They start crying. "Mi vida, I'm so, so sorry..."

"It's okay. I'm okay." You reassure them.

Everyone is quiet as the reunion takes place and you feel all the trauma of tonight drain from your being as you're held by the person who loves and cherishes you the most. Neither one of you wanted to be the one who pulls away.

"Well not to be a downer but it's about to start raining!" Someone spoke. It was the petite girl who flashed into existence.

"And I think the last band just got done with their set. It's nearly midnight." Kiriko adds with sadness.

"Well... while we're here, why don't we give [Y/N] back their stuff?"

Sloan pulls away long enough to grab your backpack from the muscular girl. "Thanks again, Brigitte."

You place it on to your back and all feels right in the world once more.

"No problem!" The muscular girl responds. So... her name is Brigitte.

"Well, we might as well introduce ourselves! I'm Hana!" The petite girl behind Brigitte chimes in. "Like the number one gamer in South Korea type Hana!"

"I'm Lena!" The girl who blinked into existence speaks up next. "Like the, umm... Tracer type Lena!"

That name rings a bell.

"Overwatch?" You question.

"Well, yes, but it's our off day today!" Lena replies.

"Wow." Is all you can say.

You feel your invisible mask beginning to slip. You're not sure how much longer you can take being out here before another anxiety episode occurs.

"I don't want to be rude, it's really nice to meet all of you." You turn to your beloved. "But... can we go home?" You ask, tired and ready to collapse.

"I think that would be the best idea for all of us. Tonight has been more than eventful!" Lena suggests.

From the shadows, Sombra watches as the group disperses after exchanging goodbyes. As soon as she was alone she picks up the empty soda bottle you accidentally left behind and tosses it into the trash.

"Hmph."

"Going soft?"

She can hear a mocking male voice on the end of the coms.

"Not now, Mauga."

"Haha! Thought so."

She simply just sinks back into the darkness she came from without a word.

✨💜JUNKRAT LE SSERAFIM STAN FOR LIFE 💜✨: so is anybody going to tell me what happened or am i going to have to make up the story myself (12:45 AM)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: In the morning (12:52 AM)

✨💜 JUNKRAT LE SSERAFIM STAN FOR LIFE 💜✨: but it's morning in australia (12:52 AM)

🧡 AF Traysi ⏱️: Goodnight junkrat (12:53 AM)

👾: (is typing...)

#weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! dropping it at midnight again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#overwatch #overwatch 2 #venture x reader #venture x you #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #sloane cameron #sloan cameron #venture overwatch

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theflyingfeeling · 5 months

Text

💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia.

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him.

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him.

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet.

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself.

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.