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speuradair · 3 years

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Todoroki Shouto With An Autistic S/O

Request: "todoroki with an autistic!s/o perhaps? ty in advance and please take your time! don't overwork yourself!"

Honestly, Todoroki is quite possibly the best boyfriend to have as an autistic person

because he's autistic himself

He totally gets everything you experience to at least a certain extent

You don't like large crowds? Neither does he

He much prefers being alone with just a few friends, or even better- just being alone with you

You don't like loud noise/situations? Neither does he

He tends to be rather jumpy, so noise bothers him- he doesn't mind having to leave or avoid noisy situations at all

You don't always understand what people mean when they say things? Neither does he

At this point, he's basically known for taking things literally or not understanding what someone said

Shoto being blunt is actually one of the things that makes your pairing so perfect

He just says exactly what he means, taking out the stress and confusion out of trying to communicate

You don't have to worry about misunderstanding nearly as much as you do when talking to others

On the rare occasion that he does say something rather vague or confusing, he has no problem reiterating his point to be more clear

He has to ask for clarification pretty frequently himself, so he has no reason to be annoyed or judge you for it

Similarly, Shoto is naturally very cautious and gentle when it comes to physically contact

He very rarely initiates any kind of contact without giving you sufficient warning or asking for permission

It's another trait that makes him such an amazing partner to someone who might have sensory sensitivity!

His touch never comes as a surprise

He always asks for consent before touching you, whether verbally or non-verbally

That being said, he is a fan of intertwining his fingers with yours

Especially when you two are out together

It's grounding and calming for him, and he hopes it serves the same for you

If you like to stim with your hands, Shoto would be absolutely honored to have you stim by toying with his fingers

It makes him so happy

It makes his heart go dokidoki

... shoto dokidoki

Okay I'll stop

Speaking of stimming-

Shoto is so taken by every stim you have

They're all just so uniquely you

You look so adorable when you happy stim

It tugs at his heartstrings every time

Autistic shoto visual stims by watching how you move to physically stim

He's absolutely mesmerized

okay sorry, autistic shoto comfort headcanon went brrr

Naturally, your stressed or panicked stims have the opposite effect on him

Shoto knows exactly which stims are which, and knows how to respond accordingly

Happy stims mean to continue on with whatever is happening, stressed stims mean he should intervene

He hates seeing you upset or hurt, so seeing you so upset has him rushing to do anything he can to help

His automatic reaction is to pull you close to him and try to get you away from whatever upset you

Of course he makes sure you're okay with it first, just as he always does

Shoto handles your meltdowns pretty much the same way, just on a bigger scale

Rather than just pulling you closer to his side, his response is to pull you into his chest and hold you as tight as he can manage

Still making sure you're okay with it beforehand

It's his way of comforting you by letting you know he's there for you, while also serving as a sort of barrier between you and whatever was bothering you

He's more insistent about getting you out of the situation, too

You need to get somewhere quiet and calm at least for a few minutes so you can calm down and start to recover from those really intense emotions from your meltdown

After you have calmed down, he's even more gentle and doting than he usually is

He just wants to baby you and make sure you're really, really feeling better

Ask him for basically anything and he's on it, he'll get/do it no questions asked

Also, if he hears that your having a meltdown when he wasn't with you (while in a different class, for example), Shoto literally comes running

He needs to be by your side when you're this stressed/upset, both for your peace of mind and his own

If anyone ever dares to make some sort of derogatory remark about you when you stim and/or have a meltdown, Shoto is just as blunt with them as he always is

He isn't going to hold back from letting them know just how much of an asshole jerk they're being

When it comes to special interests and hyper-fixations, Shoto could listen to you infodump until the world ends

Every word you say in that excited, enthusiastic tone sounds like absolute music to his ears

Even more than your voice usually does, that is

He retains every single fact you tell him about it, and will actively ask you to tell him more

Basically every other day (at least), he's showing up to bring you a new gift related to your special interest

No matter how big or expensive it might be, he has to buy you anything he sees that relates to it

He wants to get it for you, he has the means to get it for you, so he's going to get it for you

Thank you, endeavor's credit card

At least his dad is good for one thing, amirite

If you ever get stuck in a cycle of eating only the same meal/couple of meals, Shoto will make sure you have the meal(s) you can eat

He understands that forcing yourself to eat something other than your same-food can be stressful or even painful, so he wants to make sure you have what you're able to eat

It may seem like he's going out of his way to do this for you, and while he is doing it because he cares, it isn't a one-sided favor in the slightest

Shoto absolutely adores having dinner with you, you eating your same-food and him eating his cold soba

You know, his same-food

There's just something so domestic, familiar, and predictable about it-

It's one of his top favorite things ever

Overall, you and Shoto are a match made in heaven

He understands you, and you understand him

Honestly there isn't a better pair out there

#shoto todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha x reader #fanfic #one shot #imagine #x reader #self insert #headcanons #rae writes #requests #autistic reader

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bondsmagii · 3 years

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I have to disagree with the idea that some autistic people are genuinely incapable of learning and respecting boundaries and consent, that's kinda infantilizing and honestly kinda ableist, even those who have low empathy and difficulty fully understanding boundaries can learn what's appropriate and how to respect people's boundaries (also most autistic people reject labels like "severe" "mild" etc bc of ableist implications, it's less a sliding scale and more like a salad bar of symptoms) (1/2?)

HOWEVER, in the case of Chris Chan it is true that she'd likely already have issues understanding boundaries and consent but what really makes the difference here is that, from the sound of things, she had so many people around her actively and maliciously destroying and distorting her conception and understanding of boundaries and consent which is an important factor in understanding the situation I think

(just to confirm this immediately -- "consent" is not just something for sexual situations. when I discuss consent, here as in the other asks, I am referring to all situations. I get the feeling that some people may be reading my responses through the lens of only sexual consent, which is not and has never been what I've been talking about.)

I gotta ask, just to clear things up: are you saying that when it comes to autism, there's no "salad bar" of symptoms possible that would make a person incapable of constantly and consistently learning and respecting boundaries and consent? I ask sincerely. I don't think it's ableist to say that when it comes to autism (and other things, like certain mental illnesses, personality disorders, or behavioural/developmental disabilities) there can arise situations where a person has symptoms so severe that they are incapable of acknowledging and understanding consent. this is not a malicious choice on their part, nor is it a conscious one -- it's merely an effect of a symptom. if an autistic person struggles with social cues and non-verbal communication, like Chris does, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that she cannot therefore deduce from body language alone that a woman does not want Chris to touch her arm. this is the kind of thing I'm referring to, by the way -- Chris is not groping or molesting these women. she's standing too close to them, looming over them too much, touching their arms, etc. I don't think it's ableist to say that her autism might have influence over why this was an issue for her.

going on from the constantly and consistently thing I mentioned before: this isn't a black and white thing. it's not "this person either understands consent and adheres all the time" or "this person doesn't understand consent and is incapable of respecting it". it's more a case of, to use some examples:

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they get excitable they forget and become highly animated, grabbing their friends and pulling them around and being highly physical, despite their friend having told them in the past it makes them uncomfortable."

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they become highly distressed they are prone to meltdowns, and this causes them to violate people's consent by, for example, barging into a sibling's room when they have been asked to stay outside."

"this person struggles to interact socially and has complex interpersonal issues which causes them to have difficulty relating to other people and understanding their thought processes, which results in them repeatedly doing something upsetting or harmful while genuinely not realising or understanding why it is upsetting or harmful."

"this person is totally fine with all issues of consent apart from one particular thing they consistently forget, despite their best efforts, resulting in them constantly interrupting their friends when speaking no matter how serious the situation is or how many times they have been told to stop."

"this person is aware that they don't necessarily understand social interactions or cues and has been trying to teach themselves how to improve, but because they have been self-teaching they make mistakes, such as always assuming you go in for a kiss at the end of a one-on-one interaction with a girl."

all of the above examples are ones I have witnessed or been guilty of myself (I am not autistic, but I have ADHD; the second-to-last bullet point about interrupting is a personal example). I really don't think it's ableist to acknowledge these things and keep them in mind, nor do I think it's ableist to point out that for many of us, the statistics on autism and associated behaviours are skewed. many autistic people on this website are... not like Chris. it's easy to look around and see your autistic friends and mutuals and safely say "no autistic person would ever act like this/have problems with that/misunderstand this". I know that none of my autistic friends and mutuals would ever act like Chris -- nowhere near. but there are many more autistic people out there who, while they might not necessarily act like Chris, they also might not be as capable of assessing situations like you do. there are autistic people out there who do struggle with such things, who will struggle to understand these things, and can and do cause people harm. it isn't ableist to acknowledge that with something as complex as autism, everyone's behaviour and needs are different. it is also not ableist to say that sometimes the symptoms of something cause a person to act inappropriately, or cause harm. at no time have I said all autistic people struggle with this -- just that some can and do. acting like this isn't the case is speaking over people who have been hurt by this kind of scenario.

as for the second part of your ask, totally agree. it's absolutely impossible to expect Chris to work out how to act appropriately when her entire world is being constructed by trolls encouraging her to believe falsehoods, advising her to always act in the worst possible way, pretending to be her friend, and taking absolutely everything she does in the worst faith imaginable. every time she tried to improve herself, they beat her back with increased ridicule and emotional abuse. it would be dishonest and outright malicious to view her behaviour without this context.

#chriscourse #anon #asks

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curtisandlewis · 6 years

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A Guide to The Playhouse

The Playhouse is a fic of my own creation and my baby. It originated from my need to write about the parties that Jerry, Tony, and Janet revolved their lives around that occurred at the building in Jerry's backyard affectionately named The Playhouse. As I sat down to plot this epic story that spanned from 1948 to 1953 relationships developed complexity, conflict was practically handed to me, and I got the gift of writing scene after scene of Jerry with Tony. They're not my OTP but are my biggest obsession. However, I am completely changing the storyline.

I knew from the start the "The Playhouse" would not be a fairytale. The relationships are complex and can be unhealthy and abusive. Mental illness, trauma, sex addiction, abuse of drugs and alcohol all contribute to risky and abusive behaviors. BDSM is also at the core of the story both being practiced in safe and dangerous ways. I thought it would be sufficient just include warnings at the beginning of each chapter as I do for any of my fics that can be "problematic" but I now realize the twenty or so thousand words I have written are not just "problematic" but can be harmful especially to anyone like me. I have written this guide to explain why I wrote those words and hopefully reverse any damage they have done.

To anyone that read what I wrote and got the impression that certain sexual acts were more taboo or wrong than others, I am truly sorry. That is a fucked up way to live. I wouldn’t wish anyone to have shame for who they are or what they want in a consensual sexual relationship. Think about the sex you enjoy, without shame or restriction. Read the sex scenes that entertain you the most. Write the kind of sex you want to see in the world and is the most fun for you to write. Choose to masturbate and explore your body in the ways you want. Or choose not to touch yourself. Have sex in any way you and your partner/partners desire and consent to. Or choose not to have sex at all. It is your decision to make. That is your right as a person who is in charge of their own body. Please learn from my mistakes.

I just want to make it clear that the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey came out in February 9, 2015. I had no idea about the book until I saw the trailer for the movie. The first chapter of "The Playhouse" was published May 17, 2014, and I had been writing and planning several months before that. I have never read Fifty Shades of Grey and I only saw the first half hour (I couldn't make it to the sex scenes) of the movie in 2016. After I saw Christian Grey say the infamous line, "I don't make love. I fuck. Hard." I worried that Tony was similar to Christian Grey and that his relationship with Jerry was similar to the one in the movie. However, I NEVER presented their sexual relationship as a love story to be watched on Valentine's day. It may be that the two stories have nothing in common but I obsessively worried that they were and that I wrote something deeply problematic.

In March of 2015, I wrote a spin off of "The Playhouse" about the first time Tony humps Jerry (their fave activity). After I wrote it I felt like I had done something wrong. Not too long after something bad happened to a member of my family. I believed by writing the words in that story I had caused the bad thing because I was being punished. I now know I have OCD and this is how OCD works against you. It makes you believe you caused something when there is no logical way you could have caused it to happen. This is why "The Playhouse" has not been updated in over two years. I can look back now and realize the reason why I felt like I had done something wrong is that the characters were acting in a way that was wrong to who they were. I had projected my anxiety and shame onto them.

From here on out there will be liberal use of sex terms and discussion of sex

What you need to know: I have anxiety writing anal sexual stimulation or anal sex due to many toxic beliefs and stigmas I internalized over the years. To avoid writing these scenes I made Dean's character believe due to his internalized homophobia that it was wrong for a man to penetrate another man or be penetrated by any gender even if in masturbation. Since the age of sixteen, Jerry has had curiosity about being penetrated. Tony has wanted to top Jerry since Jerry's sixteenth birthday (the fic that sparked my OCD) that is six years starting from chapter one of the story. To again, avoid having to write any penetrative scenes I had to write Dean being emotionally abusive and using shame and threats to control Jerry's sexual behavior. All of this because I as a writer did not realize I could just not fucking write anal sex scenes. I thought if I wrote a bunch of dry humping scenes you would think I was weird so instead, I wrote horribly abusive relationships...

Quick History lesson, since the medieval times it was believed evil for a man to be penetrated because he was in a passive role that was reserved for women. Men that were penetrated were put to death while women who had sex with women without penetration were encouraged to do so for their health. These toxic beliefs are deep within history and still exist in society.

Allow me to get a little bit personal. I’ve always had anxiety writing anal sex scenes. I’ve written it very rarely in the past ten years that I have been writing sex scenes. I wrote mostly oral sex because it was less "homosexual" than anal sex. (I had a lot of internalized crap I was dealing with). Even though it’s absolutely possible for two men to have a sexual relationship and never have anal sex, I thought it would be too weird for Dean and Jerry to be having sex for six years and never try it. Also as a writer, I enjoy writing them being physically intimate but not having sex. That word I see in fanfiction tags: frottage (such a weird word). You know the act of two men rubbing up against each other. It just offers so many more options than manual sex or oral sex ever could. THE FACT YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF. How convenient is that? But I never saw it as the main option for sexual gratification. It was always presented as either foreplay or the only option because the characters couldn’t have sex. What made me feel weirder is that I enjoyed writing “humping” scenes (also a strange word) This is “frottage” but front to back instead of front to front. All of the advantages of anal sex without any of the problems. It required no prep. Whoever is on top can do it as hard and fast as they want and not hurt their partner. Likewise, to show intimacy it can be done in a gentle and romantic way, maybe even being left for special occasions like anniversaries. It’s also very easy for Tony and Jerry to take turns being top and Jerry doesn’t always have to be in the passive submissive role. Speaking of submissive it’s also easy to incorporate BDSM without it becoming too intense. Have you read those stories where the guy bleeds? You know what I mean. I didn’t want Jerry to bleed. And if he did I didn’t want it to be sexy. I wanted it to show that his sex addiction was getting out of hand or their BDSM relationship was becoming reckless. They can do it again, and again, and again. It wouldn’t put nearly the amount of strain on Jerry’s body that intercourse would. And of course, if you read “The Playhouse” you know that I use it an awful lot in group sex situations and to show just how fucking possessive Dean can be. As you can see there were a lot of positives to writing scenes in this way but that didn’t stop me from feeling weird about it. I probably read only one scene like that in my life. Before that, I saw it only a few times in movies and it made me go hmmm. I felt it was something that wasn’t really talked about or done. It wasn’t presented as an alternative to sex or even an option. I thought if I were to write the scenes I wanted to, people who read them would say, “Why don’t they just fuck already? What the fuck am I reading? This is so weird.”

I projected all of my toxicity onto Jerry. It started out simple enough I heard a lot of jokes as a kid that went, you must have known your husband was “gay” because he liked your finger up his ass. Because all women that enjoy receiving oral sex are “lesbian” right? (I hope you saw the sarcasm in that) Then I noticed there weren’t a lot of heterosexual married couples in movies having non vaginal intercourse. Sometimes you could see the couple in the “doggystyle” position but the wife was still being penetrated in her vagina. When I saw the other form of intercourse it was gay men or people not in love. I think that had a lasting effect on me. But what was worse is that I watched a movie with a BDSM theme. The woman worked as a dominatrix (hated her job btw) and her male partner confessed to her that he liked to be penetrated and dominated. Her reaction was so verbally abusive it was disgusting. Instead of thinking you are a horribly abusive person and he needs to leave you I internalized it as oh I guess it’s really not okay for men to want that. I have struggled with internalized homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. I have dealt with it all. I just didn’t have the tools back then to see things as they are. An abusive woman who had a very illogical view of the world and a media that didn’t have the imagination or the knowledge of what sexual relationships could be.

These are the general reasons why I wrote: "The Playhouse" with such problematic themes and why I have decided to no longer continue those themes.

The lesson I learned from this was to not project my toxic shit onto my characters and make them act in ways that are not authentic to who they are. I give myself the permission to write what makes me happy and fulfilled.

DEAN: What you need to know: Dean has internalized homophobia due to childhood trauma. He was taught if a man is penetrated by a person of any gender they will instantly become homosexual and not a man.

As a young boy Dean was told by his mother don't be a f...well, I'm sure you can guess what she said. All his life he was reprimanded (sometimes with hitting) for behavior that was too "homosexual" Behaviors like, crying, telling someone he loved them and showing emotion. As he got older his so called friends just made his internalized homophobia worse. He was terrified that he wasn't masculine enough and that he had to be a man like they said or else be nothing. Along the way Dean was taught the rules, he lives his life by:

A man never says "I love you" even to his own family

A man never ever says "I love you" to another man

A man never lets anyone see him cry or be emotional

A man must keep people at a distance

A man has sex with women and has sex often

A man has a wife and children and whatever he can get on the side

A man can do "guy stuff" with other guys as a form of bonding or just a quick way to get off.

A man does not suck cock

A man can get his cock sucked by another man and be secure in his manhood because he is in the active "manly" role

A man must never ever under any circumstance be penetrated by anyone even himself. A man must not fantasize or actively desire to be penetrated otherwise he is a homosexual and will no longer be a man. He will be nothing.

That is the reasoning for Dean's problematic and abusive behavior towards Jerry. He tries to control Jerry's sexual behavior and desires because if Jerry were to be homosexual Dean would have to end their sexual relationship (He could never think of ending their friendship).

The truth is that in real life during the time Dean was growing up this was NOT the belief. It was believed a man could have anal sex with another man as long as he was the one doing the penetrating. This meant he was in the active "male" role. It was actually preferred to penetrate a feminine homosexual man because they were believed to not be men and to be a third gender. Jerry is bisexual, not homosexual but close enough to be a PERFECT candidate. The only worry Dean would have is hurting his pally that first time. They could happily fuck for the whole ten years of their partnership and Dean would think of himself as nothing but the picture of masculine heterosexuality.

and of course

YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX YOU WANT AND MOST CERTAINLY MASTURBATE IN THE WAY MOST PLEASURABLE TO YOU WITHOUT AFFECTING YOUR SEXUALITY JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON’T CAUSE HARM TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS.

What you need to know: Dean is emotionally and at times verbally abusive to Jerry and arguably to his wife Betty as well.

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wonderlyshyah1995 · 4 years

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#Can A Vacation Save My Marriage Super Genius Useful Tips #How To Save Your New Relationship

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celebratorypenguin · 7 years

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Fic: Don’t Cry, Young Lovers (1/4)

Rating: R (sexual situations, non-graphic descriptions of past violence, language) McLennon (DUH...)

Greetings yet again from Overused Trope Land! This time we're with our boys in Paris, spending someone's hard-earned pay John's 21st birthday money. (Sorry, Paul, I love you but “Two Of Us” is NOT ABOUT LINDA.)

This is a work of fiction. The character of Sylvie/Sarah is based on and dedicated to the mother of one of my childhood friends. May she be remembered for blessing.

Anyway, this is the first of four parts. The story is mostly complete but needs editing, which is my least-favorite part. I’m hoping that exposing Part 1 in public will light a fire under my slothful self. ::lights match::

Don't Cry, Young Lovers

Paris October, 1961

The City of Lights was so much more beautiful, more bohemian, more enticing, more MORE, than either John or Paul could have imagined.

Once they set foot in Paris and made their way through the winding cobblestone streets in search of cheap lodgings and cheaper food, they fell deeply in love with the city and began looking for excuses not to venture further to Spain.

John's birthday money wasn't enough to allow them to travel in style, but it did get them a small, clean room with a window that let them look out on the glories of autumn. Paul's worries about sharing the tiny bed dissipated when John threw the window open and let in the crisp, rain-washed breezes.

"The city smells alive," John remarked as he clambered up on the windowsill to get a better view.

Paul, busily emptying his little suitcase and storing his few possessions neatly in the cupboard, simply smiled in agreement. He was a bit road-weary, particularly from having to do all the polite chit-chat with the drivers who'd been kind enough to give them lifts, but his heart had not been so light in years.

John had chosen him. Not Cynthia, not Stuart, but Paul. And, amazingly, Paul's father had acquiesced to the trip with fewer dire predictions than anyone could have anticipated. He'd even pressed ten quid into his son's hands, "just in case."

It was, Paul thought as he turned his suitcase on end to use as a night table, probably a sign that something was about to go terribly wrong.

"Hey there." John's voice broke through Paul's musings. "Quit being a housewife for a few minutes and look at this." John beckoned toward the window. It wasn't large enough to seat them both, so Paul settled for peering over John's shoulders at the narrow streets below. It wasn't a grand part of town, of course, but it had a certain shabby charm that absolutely failed to remind him of Hamburg in any way, shape, or form.

Score one for Paris, then.

Squirming a bit on the hard ledge, John stuffed his glasses back in his jacket and turned to Paul. "What should we seek out first - food or booze?"

"Food. Absolutely, food." Paul's words were punctuated by a loud rumble in his stomach.

John's laughter was intoxicating. He hopped down and mussed Paul's hair. "Can't deprive a growing boy, now, can we? Let's take a walk."

Following John was as natural as breathing. Paul patted his pockets, reassuring himself that he had both his camera and his wallet, as he strode quickly to keep up with John's long-legged gait. The scenery was so interesting that John was actually wearing his glasses. Looking around him swallowed up all Paul's attention, resulting in his foot slipping on one of the damp cobblestones. John reacted quickly, wrapping an arm around Paul's waist and steadying him. "Watch your step - can't have you breaking an ankle, now, can we?"

"I'm not a fucking racehorse," Paul grumbled, but the warmth of John's body next to his was a solid, comforting familiarity in a strange place.

They wandered aimlessly through the twisting streets until the scent of freshly-baked bread seduced them into a cozy boulangerie. Proud to show off his French, Paul ordered bread and tea for them both and reached for his wallet to pay. John stopped him with a firm hand on Paul's wrist.

"Nope, I'm buying," he declared as he handed francs to the old woman behind the counter.

"But I have money," protested Paul.

"And now you have food and you still have money. It's a miracle!" John reached to take his change from the woman, and Paul saw him pull a face.

"What?" Paul whispered, but John shushed him. The boys took their food and cups of tea and went to a vacant table by the window.

"She has Mickey Mouse hands," John stage-whispered when they were settled.

Paul gaped blankly at him.

John held up his hands and tucked his index fingers behind his thumbs. "Only four fingers on each hand. No, don't turn around, you numpty!"

Paul stopped himself. "That's weird," he said before taking a huge bite out of his bread. It was hot with a perfectly crisp crust, the inside so soft and flaky that adding butter would be a desecration.

Evidently John felt the same, because he managed to smile blissfully whilst chewing.

Their repast wasn't going to last long at this rate, so Paul concentrated on his tea and broke off only one tiny piece of bread at a time. He gazed out the window at the pedestrians and pigeons, none of whom seemed to be in a hurry.

He liked that very much.

After a few minutes, Paul examined the interior of the shop. Glass cases displayed every kind of sweet and savory baked good he'd ever seen and quite a few that were mysteries to him. Half a dozen tables, draped with mismatched, spotless cotton cloths, dotted the floor. But what drew Paul's attention was the mahogany spinet in the corner.

His fingers twitched. He'd gone two days already without touching an instrument - he had grudgingly consented to John's demand that they leave their guitars at home - and he longed to make the lovely, lonely instrument sing for him.

John followed Paul's line of sight. He shook his head in mock exasperation. "Honestly, are you conisdering cheating on your guitar with that tart of a piano?"

Paul, whose body was almost aching with the need for music, chose to shoot the bird at John rather than give a verbal response.

Leaning forward in his chair, John snatched the last of the bread from Paul's plate with a triumphant grin. "Hey!" protested Paul, "I wasn't finished yet!"

"You know what they say: if you eat slowly, you eat less." John tore the morsel in half and brought one piece to Paul's lips.

Paul considered nipping the finger along with the bread, but literally biting the hand that fed him seemed ridiculous. He sighed as he allowed John to pop the bread in his mouth, his gaze still focused on the piano.

"We couldn't very well bring both guitars along, and we can't share, now, can we, since you need yours upside-down?"

It shouldn't have stunned Paul that John was reading his mind. It happened far too frequently to have any element of surprise left, yet every time they finished one another's thoughts, Paul felt a tiny jolt like an electrical charge.

The same charge went through him whenever John touched him, as he did now when he leaned forward to flick a crumb from the corner of Paul's downturned mouth. "Are you still hungry?" John asked.

"No," Paul lied, but the hesitation in his voice didn't fool John at all.

"Let's get you something else," he offered.

"I'm not hungry."

"Rubbish. And if I take you back to England looking like a starving waif, your dad will have my guts for garters!"

"John, I'm fine, really, just let me finish the tea and--"

Out of the corner of his eye Paul saw a plate with four piping-hot croissants being set on their table. He realized that he was looking directly at the old woman's deformed hand, then averted his gaze with a guilty start and began to sputter. "Ce ne sont, uh, pas, uh, le nôtre...n'avons, uh, pas d'argent..."

"I speak English," the woman said kindly, circumventing the need for Paul's schoolboy French. Her voice was accented in a language Paul didn't recognize. "Please, they are old and must not go to waste."

Paul opened his mouth to protest - the food was clearly fresh from the oven - but John interrupted. "That's very nice, thank you." His voice was soft, free from jest or sarcasm, which left Paul as curious as he was ravenous.

When the woman smiled, Paul was surprised to realize that she wasn't as old as she seemed. She was probably in her early forties; her prematurely gray hair and the scars on her hands had been deceptive. Paul could see that John was not looking at her face but her arm, and when he glanced over he could see some crudely tattooed numbers just below the crook of her elbow.

When John kicked his ankle under the table and made a "you're embarrassing me" face, Paul realized that he was staring. He forced his gaze upward again and said, "Merci - thank you very much" as the woman walked away.

Unusually sober-faced, John sat utterly still for several moments, not touching the food but regarding it with a strangely abstracted expression. "What?" asked Paul around a mouthful of croissant.

"You saw it," was John's terse answer, and Paul knew he meant the tattoo rather than the scarring. "I've heard about them, but I've never seen one. Shit." John ran his hands through his hair until it nearly stood on end. "Jesus, that's just wrong."

Paul turned the words over in his mind for a few moments before the realization dawned. They'd been numbered with tattoos in concentration camps, the Jews and everyone else HItler had wanted to kill. "So she's..."

"Yeah."

Paul's chest felt tight. He struggled to swallow, washing the food down with a gulp of the cooling tea. He'd heard his relatives talk in horrified whispers, their voices kept low "to spare the children," but it had never seemed real to him. To boys his age, the war was a dim memory, kept alive by the shadows of rationing and poverty that were only now beginning to lift.

"And I thought it was a drag that we couldn't get sugar," John said, completing Paul's thoughts yet again. He picked up a croissant and began to eat it. "We've led pretty charmed lives by comparison, haven't we?"

"I'd never thought of it that way." Paul knew he sounded as dazed as he felt. His life hadn't felt charmed, not since his mother's illness and death followed by his family's slide toward impoverished gentility, and he certainly wouldn't describe John's life that way. But compared to this woman and the story they'd only seen on the surface, Paul and John were princes of the realm.

They finished their food, rising to thank the woman - the lady, Paul corrected himself in his head - before setting out to find enough cheap red wine to keep them merrily tipsy for the rest of the evening. John procured two bottles from a nearby shop and handed one to Paul.

"What should we do tomorrow?" John asked.

Paul, who wanted to "see the sights" without knowing exactly what they were, shrugged. "Up to you. It's your birthday party, you know."

"Best birthday ever, and I haven't even had it yet," John said with a wide smile. "There are bohemian delights galore here, and wine to drink our health with. What else could two young, adventuresome lads ask for?"

"A girl who won't give me the clap," Paul said archly. The rest of the group had never, ever let him hear the end of the Hamburg debacle so he tended to bring it up himself to lessen the painful inevitability.

The sparkle in John's eyes dimmed somewhat. Surprised, Paul raised an eyebrow at him but John turned away and was silent for the rest of the walk back to their hotel.

They climbed the narrow, dark staircase and opened the door to their room. John had left the window slightly open to freshen the air, and now the room was far cooler than Paul could have wished. He shivered a bit and drew his jacket more tightly around himself. "Mind if I shut the window? Getting a bit brisk in here."

"Be my guest," John said in a listless tone as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Paul had no idea how in the world he could have offended his mercurial friend, but he knew better than to ask. He closed the window gently instead, then he took a seat next to John and slung one arm around his shoulders. "I know I'm your guest, and don't think for a moment that I'm not grateful, 'cause I really, really am."

John blinked at him a few times, then shook himself from head to toe like a dog emerging from a puddle. "Sorry, I'm just knackered. Don't mind me." He set his bottle of wine on the floor next to the bed. "I'll save it for tomorrow, I think. Gonna turn in, maybe get an early start in the morning."

Despite residual anxiety about John's changing moods, Paul got to his feet and went to the cupboard to get his pyjamas. He changed quickly, shivering with the cold. In his peripheral vision he could see John doing the same and then rushing to the sink to clean his teeth. Paul followed suit, taking care to wash his face carefully as well. It wouldn't do to get a pimple during such a grown-up adventure.

By the time he finished, John had rearranged the covers and pillows on the bed to make one little nest for each of them. Top-and-tail. John surveyed his handiwork with a frown. "I've seen bigger postage stamps. I'm liable to get your foot in my face all night long, smelling of God knows what."

"My feet are daisies compared to yours." Paul knew that his new-found devotion to hygeine was the laughingstock of his bandmates, so he used it to toss a bone to John, to get him to laugh.

It worked. John's sour face crumbled and he favored Paul with a genuine smile as he snuggled down under the covers. "Night, then."

"Good night, Johnny." Paul crawled into his little space and twisted around, trying to find a comfortable position that didn't encroach on John's area. Given that they were two long-legged boys trying to share one narrow bed, his efforts met with no success. Every time he drifted off, a bony ankle would connect sharply with his ear, or he'd feel John swat at his shins.

It was also cold, far colder than Paul had expected, and he began to shiver.

He felt a shift in the bed and bedclothes. When he opened his eyes, there was John, leaning over him. "Best come up here with me," John said, a little quickly, adding, "There's only one proper blanket anyway, and it's too cold in here to fuss about your modesty."

Relieved that he might actually get some sleep, Paul moved his pillow next to John's and curled up on his side with John behind him. John was always a few degrees warmer than most people, so he was like a living, breathing hot water bottle, albeit one with pointy elbows. As Paul relaxed into slumber, he was dimly aware of John tucking the bedspread around him and whispering something into his ear that was too soft to understand.

***

#fic #McLennon #McLennon fic

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stimtoybox · 7 years

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So I'm planning on talking to my therapist about self-dxing and getting a diagnosis/screening. The problem is if I do get a professional diagnosis I don't know what I'd do with the information. Do I tell people? Do I have to?

Anon, I’ll say straight up that this is a hard thing to completely answer because it is so situational. Age, occupation, study, family, other diagnoses … these factors all impact so much on whether you tell someone else and why. It’s going to be a personal choice as to whom you tell and how much you tell, and chances are high most people are going to be like me - out to some people, not out to others. That’s pretty normal, since most of us have people in our lives with whom it isn’t safe to openly possess a neurodiversity diagnosis.

The short answer is this: you do not have to tell people. The choice is yours.

(There are medical exceptions to this, which I talk about below.)

There are advantages and disadvantages, though, to being open about a diagnosis.

Advantages include (depending on where you live) some degree of support in school or work. Things like using stim toys in class or the provision of a quiet space to go to in sensory overwhelm or the understanding that you might at times be non-verbal - all of these things are much easier to negotiate when you have that diagnosis to hand teachers and bosses. If you have other diagnoses or health problems, letting everyone know about your diagnosis can also be important. I can attest that doctors trying to treat my chronic pain without treating me as an autistic with chronic pain aren’t going to get very far, since autism is writ large in my pain (and why mindfulness meditation makes me meltdown). They need to know.

Please note that specialists you work with may or may not have access to information about this diagnosis. Here in Australia, a GP generally needs to have their patient’s permission to refer information provided by one specialist to another specialist, but there’s a whole bundle of exceptions when it comes to mental health. (For example, all my mental health records are on file with the local hospital, despite my never having been a patient there, which they cite as necessary in case of emergency for people who self harm or experience suicidal ideation. You can refuse to consent to this, but if you do you’re not treated, so it’s not actually a choice.) If you’re dealing with a hospital (inpatient or outpatient) as opposed to private clinicians, you will also have less control as to who has access to your diagnostic history. Nor do I know how this works outside Australia. Just keep in mind that in medical situations, the choice whether or not to reveal may not be wholly yours, and there may be downsides (because medical professionals are as ableist as anyone else) to having a certain diagnosis on your medical record. I’ve had pain specialists make derisive comments about my being “difficult” because I was only assessed for BPD.

Other advantages include authority in communication and dialogue - something more significant in online interactions. For example, I couldn’t do this blog in the way I do without being openly autistic, mentally ill and physically disabled. People come to these spaces because they want the thoughts of actually [diagnosis] creatives, and in a world where so many people not us speak over us and for us, we really need to seek out our own. Being open about our diagnoses gives us that connection and ensures we aren’t seen as those many folk speaking over us, which can be so important if we’re talking about issues close to our hearts.

Disadvantages include medical ableism like the above and people using your diagnosis against you. For the latter, everything from poor or othering treatment in the classroom, dismissal of your abilities, babying, ableism and abuse. I’ll tell you a little of my history, because it’s very much a case where disclosing went horribly wrong: a few years ago, I told my parents that I was being treated for depression. They agreed that telling my (bullying) sister would be bad, so they’d leave that up to me. Not even a month later, when my sister was upset over a conversation, Mum told my sister, making the decision that it would be better for the family if she knew … and my sister sent abusive text messages telling me to “get over my issues” for the year following. She has used my diagnostic history in other ways to harm me since. For this reason, she doesn’t know, and won’t ever know, that I’m autistic.

Having a diagnosis, too, won’t always protect you, even if it explains some of your behaviours: I had to quit a retail job because I apparently wasn’t making the customer-approved facial expressions and the boss didn’t see autism as a good enough reason for my not perfectly copying all allistic behaviours 100% of the time. I’ve seen bloggers on Tumblr hounded for their communication styles, to the point where an autistic wordiness was declared the reason a particular autistic blogger should stop blogging. It is very often not safe to disclose one’s diagnoses, especially when it comes to personality disorders and other incredibly pathologised disorders. Ableism is everywhere.

So, anon, it’s really up to you, which I know is a difficult answer. Will you gain more by disclosing? Will you find connection and community by doing so? Is the risk of the ableism you may or will experience too high? It depends so much on your situation, a situation that changes from space to space, and the best I can do is lay out possibilities.

Don’t forget that you absolutely get to pick and choose to whom you reveal your diagnosis. You get to reveal it on Tumblr and never mention it on Facebook. You get to be openly your diagnosis on one side Tumblr blog and not on another. You get to mention it to one friend and ask that friend to never mention it to your other friends. There is a huge level of trust involved when you do this, so you will need to consider how much you trust the people you do tell, but you absolutely do not have to be known as your diagnosis everywhere. I’m not. Many people in my offline life don’t know and won’t know because it just isn’t safe to let them know.

You have every right to look after yourself. You are no less an activist for your diagnosis when you do so.

And if you never want to tell anyone, ever? Totally valid. In this ableist world, utterly reasonable!

I hope your assessment goes smoothly, anon, and you get everything you need from the experience.

- Mod K.A.

#ask #anon #not a toy #text #discussion post #ableism discussion #neurodiversity discussion #long post #very long post #mod K.A.#diagnosis discussion

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reese59119328-blog · 4 years

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best ebook creator app for ipad Sqribble Review

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best ebook creator app for ipad Sqribble Review https://vimeo.com/channels/ebookcreatorsoftware/381795826

Try to find one that sustains the heavyweights in e Schedule posting, such as Kindle as well as Nook. Furthermore, pick a course that sustains most of the absolute most popular documents formats, featuring EPUB, PDB, PDF, video clip, HTML, LIT as well as MOBI.A few of the systems our company reviewed imitate social networks profiles-- almost like Connected In make up self-publishers. We suched as companies that let you tailor your profile as well as bring in professional connections so you can easily release your job to as several position on the web as feasible. Licensing & Trademarks Make certain you check out any kind of agreements as well as small print linked with the e Schedule maker software program you pick to ensure you may not be transferring part or even all of your rights to what you wrote. Select Source Import Web Content or even Go Back To Square One Designrr collaborate with all websites, Word or even any kind of editor Merely get in the url when you start a brand new venture. We'll start packing the material in the background, neglecting all the website navigation, adverts, discussing symbols as well as anything you definitely would not really want in an e-book. Sigil-1.0.0 exemplifies a significant milestone in Sigil's past history. The requirement that all epubs should be restructured to fulfill Sigil's long-held requirement has actually finally been elevated. Consumers can easily still personally pick to restructure epubs to the aged Sigil criteria if they pick, yet it will certainly absolutely no a lot longer be carried out instantly upon opening.

best ebook creator app for ipad Sqribble Review https://catalan34715366.tumblr.com/post/189941861680/sqribble-review-3d-ebook-covers-and-cd-creator Upon preliminary load, the epub construct that exists will be packed as well as kept in its own "as-is" state, relocating as well as relabeling absolutely nothing The Manual Internet browser will still present the Text, Images, Styles, Font Styles, Audio, Video Recording, as well as Misc "folders" yet these are right now "online folders" that just organize the existing resources through kind yet do not limit their true location within the epub. In either situation, the Manual Internet browser tooltips will always present the documents's accurate book folder family member course. Duplicate documents titles (in different subfolders) will always present the longer course to become able to vary in between them irrespective of the new Appearance Taste. A Tools menu thing has actually been contributed to standardize any kind of epub actually packed to Sigil's aged construct A Tools menu thing has actually been contributed to allow an individual to design a custom-made "vacant" epub layout A "Move" circumstance menu thing has actually been contributed to Schedule Internet browser to permit moving of resources to where you wish them to become. The python plugin interface has actually been included assist all of this as recorded in the new Sigil_Plugin_Framework_rev 12. epub as well as online at Mobile Read in our Plugin Growth thread. Feel free to details, the layout objective of Sigil 1.0.0 was actually to help make low improvements for consumers as well as ebook designers that still desire to utilize Sigil as they did. The interface as well as functionality must stay almost precisely the same. Packing any kind of epub previously conserved through Sigil will certainly still function precisely as previously. Just modifying new epubs that are in non-standard form will certainly warrant an use of the new Resource menu (see the 4th thing above) to standardize it. All bugs disclosed in alpha release have actually been corrected. https://cook17212547.tumblr.com/post/189943959720/microsoft-ebook-creator-sqribble-review

#ebook #sqribble #sqribble review #ebook creator #pdf creator #amazon kindle creator

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goodadultsdont · 5 years

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Good adults take sex seriously

Most of the things that I will state in this post come from my own personal experience and a little research I’ve performed over the course of my life. This is not meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable about their own sexual preferences or behaviours, but it’s meant to share some information I wish I’d known when I started being sexually active.

First thing’s first, I don’t think that sex should be approached in terms of right or wrong. The human condition is very much characterized by how different we all are and how much our feelings vary regarding any specific topic. However., there are certain rules which I believe can apply to most situations involving sex

1.Consent:

In the Me Too era, the first rule I believe to be universal when it comes to sex is: everyone involved should be having fun. If at any point you feel uncomfortable with any given situation, you are completely entitled to put and end to it. Moreover, if someone is pointing out to you that they do not wish to do something this is a remark that must always always be heard.

You need to be one hundred percent sure that the person you’re with wishes to be there at least as much as you do and that their needs are being respected and taking it a little further, satisfied. Try and be as understanding as possible with things that might make someone uncomfortable, because as I’ve already stated, just because someone might have been fine with something in the past it doesn’t mean someone will always be in the future.

2. Know the impact a sexually active life can have on your health:

One of the main things that makes sex complicated is the fact that it opens a door to new factors which may impact your health. The interactions that take place during sex, whether it be heterosexual or homosexual can be risky in terms of diseases and mental health. Also, since from a biological standpoint, the objective of sex is conception, you might want to make sure that if you do not wish to conceive, you avoid it in an adequate manner.

Specifically, condoms are the only birth control device which prevents the passing of sexually transmitted diseases, so if you’re going to be with someone new, I’d advise you to use condoms until you’re absolutely sure everything is ok. Be aware that when you engage in sexual activity with someone you’re not only exposed to that person’s present, but their past as well.

In terms of birth control, females have unfairly been burdened throughout history with having to avoid unwanted pregnancies. This is why female contraception has many options to choose from, while for example male birth control pills have only very recently been investigated as a safe and viable alternative.

I would advise you all to visit your doctor when choosing a birth control method. I myself have just gotten a hormonal IUD after much thought, because I believe it ends up being the cheapest and easiest way to ensure my peace of mind. However, a lot of women will feel uncomfortable with hormonal methods of contraception which is all the more reason you need to research what is best for you.

For all women out there, always pee after sex. Graphic I know, but simple enough. I was never informed that sex could lead to urinary tract infections which could easily be avoided by passing urine after each encounter. If you do this you’ll be one of the lucky ones to have never known how annoying and uncomfortable a UTI can be. Also if not treated correctly it can be pretty dangerous.

I would also advice that whenever you need to visit your doctor, you do so alone and that you can find a doctor you feel safe and comfortable with. The first time I went to a doctor to request birth control my mother didn’t leave the doctor’s office and I had to lie about the reasons why I wanted to go on the pill. It was only when I was older that I understood how dangerous lying to a doctor can be as they’ll prescribe you things you don’t need or diagnose you incorrectly.

Lastly, on this specific point, I have found that if you have sex with someone for the wrong reasons, whether it’s out of loneliness or as a way of getting something or if you agree to do things you don’t enjoy this will have an impact on your mental health and how you feel about yourself. Try and be sure about the reasons why you agree to be with someone.

3. Get to know your preferences:

This is more about finding what you enjoy. As long as you’re not hurting anyone you can probably find someone who enjoys the same things as you do. Some people like certain outfits or role play and others enjoy the use of toys. Some people like to be dominated and others like to dominate. As long as you’re being safe and (I can’t exert this enough) everyone is having a good time, feel free to explore what feels good. We are all lucky enough to live at a time in which sex can be something to be enjoyed free of guilt or punishment. There are a few places in which this is not entirely true and I’m sorry if you live somewhere where your preferences aren’t tolerated and in some cases even criminalized (Brunei’s new laws can suck it.)

4. Be receptive:

All I’ve written is about making sure others are good to you, but it’s just as important that you’re good to others. This requires good listening skills both to verbal and non-verbal communication. It also requires that you’re open to trying new things if these are requested respectfully. In the end, good sex happens when all involved are interested and engaged.

5. Give sex its adequate importance:

It sometimes seems that sex is the driving force behind everything and I feel like people need to be reminded that although it is important, it should not be your only interest. There are many other ways to connect with others which can be just as satisfying. Also, sex is not a synonym of love. It can be its complement, but most times, sex is just about physical attraction and you should always be honest about this. Never deceive people into thinking you’re interested in deeper connections if you’re only looking for a hookup. As always, you should never do to others what you wouldn’t wish be done to you.

#health #sexualhealth bekind behonest goodadults healthyliving mindfulness sex #responsibility

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