#(<- someone said it in the notes. thanks)

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[huntressofartemis001]

i have a history exam tomorrow on the world war two but i dont need to study bc i know everything about the london blitz (a nazi bomb fell in a church and kickstarted a romantic night for an angel and a demon) (a little kid was looking for his mummy while a blonde girl and an immortal dude met a 51st century guy for the first time) (an exterminator alien race took over and tried to control london while becoming ‘pure’ again)

#good omens #1941 #good omens 1941 #are you my mummy? #the empty child #doctor who #forgot the name for the dalek episode in s5 #victory of the daleks #(<- someone said it in the notes. thanks) #captain jack harkness #ninth doctor #eleventh doctor #aziraphale #crowley #rose tyler #fucking daleks #me watching doctor who

[seeminglydark]

Hey um, so this is actually my first time typing anything on tumblr, partially because I only got it a couple months ago (something something healing my inner child because I only managed to secretly log into Webtoons during my younger years) and I am also a chronic lurker. Alas, it is the night hours and this, combined with listening to the first episode of Mil-Liminal has moved me to emerge, if only for a moment.

Sorry, this is strange. I am typing to someone I do not know who has written so much that is so close to my heart. Something about the first episode just really hit. Maybe it’s cause of how I can relate. Maybe it’s cause listening to it felt a little too real as if maybe you or someone you knew could relate. The thought makes me really sad but also less alone. Is that messed up?

Regardless, thank you so much for everything you make. Every success you have makes me really happy, and seeing you expand over the years to now being able to hear “Caro’s” voice after imagining it for so long- just awesome. Now if I may impose my nagging that I give to my friends upon you, please take care of yourself, make space and recognize the inherent worth you have, know that rest is necessary and you do not need to earn it, and thank you for everything you have done for the community and for all the dark times of my life you have lighted.

Hey, Hi. Even as a person who literally writes for a living, I'm always at a loss for words. Thank you. Thank you for summoning courage and coming out of the shadows for a second to send me this message. I want you to know it moved me to tears (don't worry, crying's healthy.) It's not messed up to feel less alone by listening to my stories, because you're right. Almost everything I write, I have experienced in some kinda way. That includes breaking free from control, running away, and living in my car and suddenly not knowing who the hell I even was (not from my parents though, as in Caro's case.) My writing is and has always been a way to process and express my own grief, healing, yearning, and wishing, identity, and sexuality. The fact that it can hit other people who might be going through or went through similar things actually makes it even more worth while to me. And you don't need to be sad for the things I've gone through, because it brought me here. Almost middle-aged, the bad times feel like an old nightmare I can barely remember, Breathing, Heart beating, ALIVE and with stories to tell, and if I'm lucky, some hope to share. Cuz there is hope, and don't you forget that.

Thank you again, from the very bottom of my heart. This whole message is really so special to me in the deepest most profound way possible. I want to reply to the last paragraph with something great to say, you know what I mean? Words are hard though. So instead I'll thank you again, and I'll ask that you have that same grace for yourself too, and leave you with a little drawing of a kid figuring out their life, even though they feel really lost right now, the wonderful thing about Caro's story is that we already know it's going to be ok one day. -RJ

#asks #or maybe letters #thank you so much #one time i was floundering in my life #and i was walking through the streets of seattle and everything felt bad broken and out of reach #and on a telephone pole on the corner of phinney i saw a yellow post it note #and in red ink it said 'everything's going to be ok' #and thats so corny but i took a picture and i look at it from time to time #i hope my stories and my art can be that for someone else #ok i probably wrote too much in the tags #anyway #much love

[edgamz]

more doodles :)

#been thinking a lot recently abt sumthing someone said when i was talking abt wanting to know Andre's bday #and they mentioned selfship anniversaries. been crazy ever since #so now I'm waiting ever so patiently (not) for February 13th. Andre and AB better watch themselves #i'm rapidly approaching #that is a THREAT. a threat full of MALICE and EVIL and ADORATION #whoever that was just know i've been frothing rabies foam ever since thank you #on an unrelated note #Reagan is so fun to draw ?? i need to draw her more AAUGH #OKAY i'm done. actual tags now #inside job #inside job fanart #andre lee #andre inside job #reagan inside job #reagan ridley #robotus alpha beta #inside job robotus #cw drug use

[lesamis]

i understand that like, culturally it's a Thing that people get annoyed when any elderly person they're not even close to tells them extensively about their life & their medical history etc. like i get why it's a general tenor that a lot of people find that irritating. but for one i also think that bc of like the nature of this stupid planet we do owe it to others to pay attention to what's important to them and sit in the moment w them for a bit if we can and so i don't love the sentiment of someone else's need to share being like A Bother above all else. and then also, additionally to the inherent dignity in us all etc i am convinced that anyone who gets bored or zones out while their 80+ year old neighbour narrates his life story is in acute danger of missing out on some of the most buckwild Situations you've ever heard a person recount

#post sponsored by my neighbour who i ran into at the supermarket #and who immediately asked me to sit with him and insisted on buying me a coffee #& then proceeded to say amongst other things #''well i recovered well from cancer in 2005 bc they caught it so early. i do think that actually #since i was always so healthy before. it was probably the copper refinery that did it #since the foreman there said once to me that a lot of the men they have at the refinery for long end up with cancerous growths. #well thanks a lot i told him!'' #and he just burst out laughing. it was such a light hearted anecdote to him! #and i sat there. a simple marxist. listening nodding taking mental notes at the speed of sound #there's so much to learn from that generation of workers and tbh if you're me it's honestly kind of a delight not even having to ask #love the social ease of someone really just wanting to talk. thank you i have no job in this social interaction i love this for both of us #breisgau hochschwarzwald gothic

[jjba-smash-or-pass]

#OH THANK GOD we're done with the diu characters #idr who put it in the notes but someone said that diu was a kindergarten compared to the other parts and they were right #reiko #diamond is unbreakable #jojo's bizarre adventure

[carpisuns]

You have a recurring tag theme of worry that people will find you annoying but the truth is we love you and you’re funny and if anyone ever stops thinking that they can just… leave, and we can have a lovely garden party or forest dance circle or something and they just won’t be invited.

hdsjsk oh hello friend from my tumblr circle (people who read my tags)

argh I know I end up talking about that too much and it’s actually so silly to worry about that on a site like tumblr dot com where it almost feels like the Point is to be annoying lol. and also for anyone who doesn’t vibe with my blog there is a helpful little tool called the unfollow or block button!

Idk I just know I am pretty loud and have a tendency to be sort of obnoxious and in general I think I’m kind of just A Bit Much. and I have a good time being a bit much but it might be simply too much for some people. I just don’t know how to be less and I don’t want to be less either? And it’s honestly ok if I’m the wrong flavor for some people bc no one is gonna be the type of person for everyone yknow.

anyway, this is very kind and thank you for the sweet words! I’m gonna try to be better about how I think and speak about this kind of thing. I’m honestly not trying to fish for compliments or reassurance—I guess it’s my really stupid way of being like “if I annoy you, I do feel bad about it, but also I’m not gonna stop. Sorry” DHSJKS. But that’s not really helpful for me or others, especially ones who also worry about being annoying. Sometimes i have to remind myself that my friends probably enjoy hearing from me and they probably don’t roll their eyes or groan when I message them first and it’s actually not a very generous assumption to think that maybe that’s how they secretly think of me dhsjsk. and likewise it’s probably safe to assume that the people who follow me at least find something desirable in my blog and if they didn’t they could simply leave at any time!! the door is open lol

a garden party sounds lovely. let’s make flower crowns ☺️🌸

#anon #ask #nice things #on this note I think one of nicest and most validating things someone on here has said to me is ‘thank you for being so loud around here’ #that one got me

[taegularities]

Rid I'm so sad that you're receiving this hate but for me you're one of the kindest people in here. I'm always rooting for you. Sending hugs. 🥰

thank you babe, i think i needed to hear this.. you're the sweetest, all the hugs back 🥺🤍

#dunno if anyone will read the tags but to be fully honest.. someone said it just yday but #it just sucks feeling so lonely bc so many ppl here seem to be in groups and also hate me? i know i cant be liked by everyone that's okay #but all this hate?.. n i see people interact and be friends n stuff and im in my corner here and just extremely lonely #mutuals don't really interact w me either :') and then i always feel awkward and weird bc i think nobody WANTS to be my friend #which used to be different. maybe i deserved it idk #but yeah very lonely and very “everyone hates me” feel and makes me not rlly wanna do tumblr and writing anymore which is why i might close #this blog after cmi :( n wow i think ive never said it that openly and maybe ill delete it all again ufjdjfud ive just been Sad about this #idk i just hate constantly asking myself 'does anyone still care or like me at all' it just sucks #i'm saying all this n anons will once again find a way to send hate lol. just made tumblr very not comforting for me.. and yeah. anyways #thank you to you guys who still send so much love. when i say it means a lot i truly mean it bc it's always nice to know that ppl are still #here 🤍 #notes for rid 🌹 #anon

[teabutmakeitazure]

Ordering from a small business is so cute because the owner is always so nice to you and sends you the cutest message with the package

#i wanted a butterfly pendant but she said she doesnt make those anymore but still showed me a different design (although a drawing of it) #i said its okay and ill order it when i order again BUT SHE SENT THAT PENDANT FROM THE SKET #sketch* #and she didnt charge it 😭😭 #if i knew before i would've tipped her higher #and the thank you note #>.< #zuri rambles #small actions can make someone so happy :')

[wavesmp3]

hi! I read your 8000 layers of inyun yesterday. so it took me a whole day to digest it. Originally i was going to comment but realized i have too much to say so i went ahead and just did an ask, i hope you dont mind! This left me so breathless so i hope my review makes sense. I also apologize for the length but to be fair, your wonderful writing did this to me! i havent seen the movie yet but after reading this i just might. i was initially worried this will turn to something like a cheating situation or close but wow it went deeper than that. even if y/n is in a happy and healthy marriage, theres that grief over that inyun and wondering if a little more time with jeonghan would have been 8000.

The layers of this story is so beautifully laid out in details and the legend of inyun. As someone who had moved countries alot, i am so glad you captured the complexity of leaving home. From not understanding why y/n liked tompkins square park initially, the statue of liberty, and being that person that was always meant to "leave". The way jeonghan poses questions and seems to both understand y/n and also not is such a good take on long distance friendships. I like how its jumping between knowing each other so well but also knowing that you may not bc of the distance and the fact they havent spoken in years. I love how reading this story made me feel melancholic, hopeful, and also satisfied. Melancholic because of the what could have beens, hopeful because sometimes the differences and distances won't fully sever ones connections with each other (in this case inyun if im understanding it correctly) and satisfied because each character had their own maturity and understanding over each other. That mattered to me cause well, drama is very prominent nowadays, no? Is it weird to say that they acted the way 30 year olds should? jhgkdf so this was great! My favorite parts: you don’t remind him to do so once you finally find your keys. instead you slip off your old, faded sneakers, drop your keys on the counter in the lime green dish you made in a pottery class two years ago, and greet him in the kitchen, kissing the side of his chin and reaching over his head to turn the exhaust fan on. he kisses your forehead as an apology, or at least he tries but you’ve already moved and his lips end up catching on the corner of your left eye.

i love the tiny details that are a testament to a marriage.

but beneath the straightforward request feels like a million subliminal ones. like he wants you to prove to him that you’ve made a life worth living here. like he wants to gallivant around new york telling you about a country that used to be home and asking you what would have happened if you didn’t go all those years ago. 

ngl, this hits close to home again bc when you leave home, people will always wonder the same thing.

there used to be oceans and countries and cultures and decades standing between you and him, but somehow now, all of that has compressed into four squares of broken concrete. you were never very good at maths. jeonghan, the one who comforted you whenever you cried over it, knows that best. but even you know that there is no way 20 years can turn into 20 feet.

this was just so damn poetic, i actually had to pause and BREATHE.

and the call ends in 4 minutes. 

this was really short but captures how your world can turn upside down in just a few minutes.

“i came to see you.” 

you don’t take your eyes off his. what is it they say about eyes again? windows to the soul?

“but you and joshua.”

you flinch. 

“you guys have those layers of inyun.”

“all 8000,” you whisper back to him, like the world might burst if you spoke any louder.

its like toeing between a confession or congratulation sdkjhfdkjgh

“how many layers do we have?”

a number hangs off the tip of your tongue. but the world will burst if you say it outloud. so you don’t. for the world, for yourself, for joshua. 

y/n was very real for this and honestly not everything has to be said. i really love this part because it shows y/n's integrity and also her wisdom.

“you’re it for me.” joshua tells you quietly. “you make my life so much bigger.”

my gosh, the way i nearly cried here. WHY SETTLE FOR I LOVE YOU WHEN THERE'S THISSSSSS???!!!

“but i-” he hesitates here, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide what kind of conversation he wants this to be. “it’s like there’s this whole portion of your brain that will always be out of reach. like i can see it there in the distance, but i can’t get to it.” 

this makes total sense but i cant explain it. its like you want to know every version of someone before they came to be what you know but you know you can't but theres still that grief.

“i didn’t think liking your husband would hurt this much.” (almost). “i can tell he really loves you.”

bc how can you not like him? it def hurts to like him bc that means he's already won anyway.

“yesterday, you asked me why i didn’t try to keep talking back then.” jeonghan continues. “the truth i learned here is that it wouldn’t have mattered how hard i tried even if i did. you were always going to leave because you’re you. and i liked you because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

THIS DID MAKE ME TEARY EYED. I was told the exact last sentence before. And i understand how you can't really help it..life is so big and for some, life outside your home country is even bigger.

“but for joshua,” jeonghan says, eyes scanning across the bar, staring at every bartender and every customer before finally, finally, landing on you, “you’re someone who stays.”

no words. really. you blew my mind.

“i haven’t been that kid for a long time now,” you frown, watching jeonghan’s pupils dart back and forth between yours, “but they still existed. they were still real.”

this is very important bc connections and who you once were in the past are very much real...they just don't die because its past. This does circle back to the inyun theme too.

he smiles. and you feel something break apart in your heart.

“i’ll see you then.”

in another life, jeonghan is more than just a series of goodbyes. but in this one, he gets in the uber, and you don’t imagine seeing him again. you don’t think you will. because for the first time in this life, you're not the one that left–he was.  

In another liiiifeeee, I would be youuuurrr giiiirrllll

“i’m sorry,” you finally say, before falling into his arms. the sob that’s been waiting in the bottom of your soul for the past 20 years comes bursting out of your throat. you cry into your husband's shoulder. you feel the weight of all your past lives and all your future ones like they aren't in the past or in the future, like they're now beside you begging you to imagine what could’ve been and what was. 

joshua holds the back of your head. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to. it’s all been said before. instead he kisses the corner of your eye and takes you home. 

at this point i posted the whole fic. this ending? damn. I really had to take a break from my phone. This was wayyyyy to fitting of an end. I loved joshua's response and the corner of the eye? way to circle back! It's the grief over something you can't truly control but also the happiness of where you are now. I'm not sure how you wanted the end to be if its like a missed connection between jeonghan and y/n or if its grieving over what could have been, or the hope that maybe in the next one its them, or that joshua had always been it but theres that almost with jeonghan. Or it could be all of the above, still this was beautifully written. I apologize for the long review but i just had to express my awe and love for what you've written! Please don't feel obligated to reply just as long or at all! I just wanted to let you know how much your work stuck with me. Thank you for sharing this with us <3 I hope you have the bestest day ever! P.S This unreleased song of woozi fits too! What Kind of Future

i don't mind you leaving this ask at all and the length is more than fine, it's encouraged even!! when i got this ask, i started scrolling and gasped when i saw how long it was. and not in a bad way but in a-i can't believe anyone would take the time to write all this out-way. so thank you thank you thank you!!!

i am going to put the rest of my response under the read more :)) (warning my response is very long lol)

when i was watching the movie/the trailer for the movie i also had very similar concerns that it would be a cheating plot, and i don't really enjoy cheating plotlines much so it was such a pleasant surprise when it was the opposite almost?? i was in awe. and the last sentence of your paragraph here, really hits the nail of what i was trying to do with this piece and what i think the film was doing as well. the sadness over what could have been but what isn't, while also appreciating and enjoying what is. you should most definitely watch the movie though! especially since you also immigrated countries. the story of the movie is based off something that actually happened in the director's life and it's just such a raw beautiful story that is so so real and authentic. i have never actually migrated to another country before, so everything about that was either from the movie or just me imagining what that would be like based on either my background (my parents are immigrants) or other media. anyways, im being extremely wordy, but basically, the experience of the main character here isn't one that i share with them, but the director of the movie does! so you should check it out !

i really liked how you brought up the tompkins square park part and how main character doesn't like it anymore because it almost feels like another reflection of them leaving a place they used to call home and not really feeling like they belong there or like they're that person that lived there anymore. kind of a mirror of how they feel about their home country.

everything you've said here is just sooo spot on!! you understood this piece wholly and completely.

and it's not a weird thing to say at all that they acted like 30 year olds haha in my head i actually imagined them as around that age lol, like early 30 somethings

and what you said about drama... yes! i think this piece would be considered a drama but it's not dramatic. it's such an understated and subtle drama that feels like it's happening in the silences of conversations. (this holds true for the movie especially. i think in interview or something the director said that this story is told mainly through by what isn't being said, it's told through the silences)

abt your fave parts:

i love adding little details like that in, details that make the characters and their lives feel like they go off the pages of the story,, so im really happy that you liked that

abt the line that goes "there used to be oceans and countries..." -- im so so so glad you liked it, i put a lot of effort and made a lot of different versions of this line. so im glad it hit for you the way i hoped it would

and what you said about toeing between confession and congratulation... yup! yeah! exactly!

the line that goes "you're it for me... you make my life so much bigger" was a mash up of a line from the movie and something someone said to me irl :) and it was indeed a very beautiful way to confess love

dang someone actually telling you that exact sentence before is absolutely insane!! im starting to think that maybe you should be the one to write this piece seriously! but also, you have GOT to watch this movie

im so glad you enjoyed the ending!! it's my favorite part as well!! the corner of the eye thing!! so happy you picked up on that. as for what i wanted to the end to be like.... i am a sucker for an open ending and although this ending is less open than others i have written it still is pretty vague... so to your answer your question, the ending is whatever you want it to be. honestly, i don't even know what the ending should be like. but the options you listed (missed connection, or grieving what could have been, etc.) are all ones that were also bouncing around in my mind as i watched the movie and wrote this piece. (for me, i think its mainly grieving what could have been, but also just a mesh of all 4 of the ones you said. emotions can be quite complex huh?)

again, pls don't apologize for the length of this review. it's a dream come true. thank you again for reading this piece, thinking so highly of it, and taking the time to leave this review for me. it makes all the brain rot i had over this film worth it. jk but again thank you. this review made my day and put the biggest smile on my face :))) i hope you have a wonderful day

#asks #8000 layers of inyun #another small note about the line at the end where joshua kisses the corner of reader's eye which was a comment i left on my google doc lol #start quote #'its said a little bit ago that joshua wrote an article abt how eyes are the only exposed part of someone's nervous system #how it's a direct line to someone's head and heart. so this kiss he places on your eye is more than just that. it's more. #and it also calls back to that scene from the beginning... did he really miss your cheek? or was he always aiming to reach your heart?' #end quote #anyways again than you for this ask!! i will be rereading it for days #:))) #OH also I will def be listening to that song thanks for the eec #rec*

[jeonqkooks]

are you having fun with flopping on your stray kids fics

someone forgot to check the other blog before sending this ask

#dunno what your definition of flopping is but i don't think that's what's happening over there #my lino/skz stuff is doing better than a lot of my bts fics #my most popular drabble over there did better than my most popular drabble here #i just got 450 notes on a 177-word answer to an ask #and almost 700 notes on a random 300-word blurb #what do YOU think lol #i'm doing pretty well for myself thank you for asking actually #seriously. this made me feel pretty good lol #this ask reminded me of an anon a couple of months ago who said i wouldn't get a lot of readers if i wrote for someone that wasn't jk #well. the turntables #anon #answered

[hightowered]

brain borken again :(((

#my therapist said hey ani here's some childhood trauma we need to sort thru and i said oh wow thanks buddy :))) and now i'm sufferin for it #i am Okay i am not remotely in danger and the cause of the trauma is someone i have not spoken to in. checks notes. fifteen years at least? #and frankly i am not Newly Traumatized by it. it is simply heavy. i am very tired. i would like to nap about it for a little bit #anyway i'm keeping up w the news i'm aware of everything going on i am normally much more political but my brain is fully broken rn #and there is a very specific and unyielding limit to what i can handle atm

[mlobsters]

Euphoria Special Episode Part 1: Rue

Ali, I don’t believe in God.

Guess what? God doesn’t give a fuck if you believe in him. He believes in you.

I don’t know. That, that, that sounds good, but it, it doesn’t really mean anything.

Of course it means something. If God didn’t believe in you, you wouldn’t even still be breathing.

So, you’re saying the reason my dad died is because God didn’t believe in him?

Rue, uh, that’s not what I was saying–

There’s nothing that makes me angrier than that fucking argument.

Hey, that’s, that’s not what I was saying–

You know, ’cause every time someone survives, like, a mass shooting or some terrible fucking earthquake, they always say, you know, “I survived for a reason. God saved me for a reason. I have a purpose.” And then I think to myself, like, okay, well, what you’re saying is that your life is more important than that six-year-old who died that day, or the newborn who died that day, or anybody fucking else who died that day. Your life has a purpose, right? Well, why does your life have a purpose, and my dad’s doesn’t? Because I could argue that my dad’s purpose was to raise me and my sister. To be there for my mom. That was his purpose, I think. But, you know. He’s dead.

Listen–

Ali, if you’re, if you’re about to tell me that he died for a reason, or you know, whatever, I will literally walk the fuck out.

I, I wasn’t.

He didn’t die to teach us a lesson. Okay? He didn’t die to, you know, have us all come together, or whatever the fuck people tell people when they don’t have anything to say. He died because he died. That’s it. Same stupid reason I came out of the womb with a couple wires crossed. Right? Just fucking luck. You said it. That’s it.

#euphoria #rue bennett #ali muhammed #tw cancer #tw parental death #when i say it hurts to talk about this show because it means so much to me it's things like this #i could have said all of these words that rue is saying #and it's not just a father dead from cancer #the domestic violence queerness transness loving someone struggling with addiction #hurt and disappointed to hear that levinson is apparently another piece of shit white man in power #he brought me these characters and these words that cut down to the quick #ali is a beautiful character and he called rue on her bullshit over and over but even if she was taking this out of context #i was so thankful to hear these words #on absent fathers (excused with a note)

[vulpinesaint]

classmate who told me that they thought i might be a poser bc i wore "too much black" a couple weeks ago told me this week, slightly horrified, that they thought i might be "kind of a dark person" after i delightedly scrolled through stick figure violence images to show them + our other group member. no matter what at least i am still fucked up and strange in the eyes of normal people...

#this person. perplexes me. kdfjghs #anyway i said 'thank you' and 'yeah i was a poser <3' in response to the too much black comment. #and then later took back the admitting to being a poser because i do actually go to punk shows so 😭 #whatever they thought i was 'posing' as by wearing a lot of black. i have a valid excuse #also. a) yeah i'm posing. like a model take a picture bitch i look good #b) i have literally never claimed anything ever about my style except that i dress 'alternative'. i make no claims to subcultures. #so what did they think i was a poser about... what could have prompted them to say that... #god forbid i could have been someone who wore all black and listened to pop instead of 2000s rock???? #got the like. mark of approval from them by mentioning breaking benjamin. tf would you have done if i only listened to kesha #fascinated by the world that they live in where people can only wear the color black if they listen to punk rock (???) #anyway yeah i do wear a lot of black. because i look really good in black and also because i'm trying to send a message with the way i dres #the message is 'i like dark things'. so. glad we got on the same page in the end #man shows up with his hair dyed black in black shirt + cargo shorts with platform boots and a collar with a little ghost on it. #what subculture is he posing as. quickly #valentine notes

[gamebunny-advance]

Huh...

I forgot it was October (10).

I should have held onto that drawing until 10/10, cus now I'm not gonna have anything for it.

#i'm very bad with dates #but like i said that was meant to be a thank you to someone #so it was supposed to be a quick sketch then posted immediately so i didn't think about it. #i made a post alluding to this a while ago #but there's someone on twitter that always makes nice comments about my art... #off of the art #so i wanted to thank them for always saying such nice things. #tbh half the time i draw 10/10 it's because that person makes such nice comments and they fill me with motivation #but on the one hand i still can't tell if i'm 'supposed' to see them #like if this is a shyness thing #wouldn't it freak you out if the person you were making 'secret' notes to turned out to have been reading them this entire time? #would you stop writing them or be happy that you got acknowledged? #i dunno. i'd personally be mortified #so maybe it's a good thing that things turned out this way #but on the other hand... if you didn't want your feelings known then you would keep them to yourself and not say anything i suppose #maybe i'll just make a new doodle

[astrohaterz]

hi lawyer fans here is something from awhile ago involving a fancase i was working on for an alternate post-7yrs timeline. i will put a cut here because i dont know how interesting it is to anyone else <3

basically the gavinners were in the middle of working on a steel samurai musical that has had nothing but trouble befall it and that was all BEFORE daryan’s arrest. sad for them. but good for miles! because he has spent the last 7 years working on a bill regarding prison reform after his adventures in aai2 instead of doing whatever it is the post-aa4 retcon canon is. he’s been trying to get klavier to use his star power to sponsor it but the problem is that klavier has no interest in reforming anything. (especially since he’s very image conscious and he feels like sponsoring a prison reform bill after his brother has been even more thoroughly imprisoned+sentenced to death? whatever happens to him? (however bills like this work? i am not versed in law) would make it look like he was only doing it for his brother. don’t be mistaken, though. he is in a police-themed band that has police recruitment posters in their dressing room. he does not need any persuasion to be Tough On Crime)

however now that daryan’s arrest has revealed Some Trouble Afoot In The Criminal Justice System on top of the very bad steel samurai musical, klavier is desperate for a good bit of PR to give him control over the situation again and phoenix (stagehand on the steel samurai musical in his spare time. he is a theatre guy! he’s gotta do something! it can’t all be nights at the inventory and practicing your mysterious beanie-shadowed faces in the mirror) has arranged for him and miles to talk this out and klavier can put up a nice instagram photo showing he has talked to at least one person about Making Things Better Somehow to put his fans at ease again. all that has to happen is for miles to absolutely not go berserk about how bad the steel samurai musical is. you’ll never believe what happens next!

#digital #sketch #is that a tag i have? apparently it is? well ill use it i suppose! #not tagging this because it is just kind of a fun thing i have fun thinking about. #klavier's catchphrase is the name of a u2 album and u2 were involved in spiderman turn off the dark so thats kind of #where im at. theres a lot more to it i was kind of developing it in my free time but really im not a writer #and its just more a collection of notes and doodles that i rotate in my head sometimes. for fun #a world where the aa games come to conclusions that arent just 'well put the right people in power and it will be fine' #the thing about--this is fun. this is my art blog so you havent seen how i feel about aa's politics as much. thats so fun. i hate them a bit #drives me up a wall. do not be mistaken though i love analyzing it like this i love thinking about it this deeply its fun to me sincerely #if you read all that thanks for doing that. sorry if its muddled also. like i said im not a writer just someone who feels strongly. #i dont have much new to share so ive just been posting older things sorry </3 hopefully this is Something #you know. well! thanks for your time (powerpoint slide animation that reveals im no longer here)