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seyaryminamoto · 3 months

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Azula's most overlooked characterization element

Why, hello there.

It is I.

And I'm back on my bullshit.

I didn't WANT to be. But a bunch of factors pulled me back in.

For the record: I'm not here to start any fights or light the fuse of arguments that I most likely won't have time or interest in responding to. What I AM here for... is to prove that there's something out there a bunch of people are delighted to sleep on because acknowledging it would render maaaany simplistic interpretations entirely invalid...

That group of people includes the fandom, of course. And the original show's staff. And the liveaction's staff, to a fault. Surely the TTRPG ones too. And absolutely, the comic book writers.

Hell, I'll even include MYSELF in that group, even though I'm making this post right now.

I found it really curious that I very recently saw this element mentioned in a pretty neat blog I follow, @atla-lore-archive, I absolutely advise anyone who hasn't checked out said archive to do it if you wish to understand a lot of the "extra lore" the fandom had access to, back in the old days when the turbonick ATLA site still existed and used to be the only source of deeper knowledge about the fandom besides the occasional interview that most people didn't even know where to track down.

But the funny thing is that the post I'm talking about proved that even Turbonick forgot about the people this post is about :')

And that would beeeeeeee...

*cue drumroll*

Lo and Li!

What makes Lo and Li an important subject to discuss?

Why, a lot of things. Among them, the fact that almost nobody brings them into the core focus of any analysis made about Azula's character. I've personally mentioned them once or twice I believe, mostly as negatives, there's but ONE positive aspect I've ever found of them: them being non-benders MIGHT be a reason why Azula isn't shown as being quite so obsessive with firebending supremacy as Zuko was supposed to be.

But that's very much the sole good thing I can think to say about them and it's completely subjective, as good as a headcanon, because we don't even KNOW if they influenced Azula in that sense!

Why do they seem to get overlooked quite as much? Why... let's start thinking about it, shall we?

Lo and Li are Azula's firebending teachers. As far as anyone can tell, they're also her advisors. These two people should be an essential part of Azula's life... but ironically, we seldom see them with her. Most times, Azula isn't around these two. Whenever she is? It doesn't usually look like she's having a good time.

And that's no surprise, considering her first scene with those two very much puts forward a dynamic of cold distance between Azula and her mentors: Azula is bending LIGHTNING. We have not heard of other lightningbenders until that point, and once the full show wraps up, there's only THREE (Azula, Ozai, Iroh). Out of those three? Only one is a fourteen-year-old girl. It's very easy to assume Azula's lightning is actually a skill she mastered unusually early in life, perhaps relatively recently, hence the practicing... but she's pulling it off. She's succeeding. She's doing something that genuinely catches a first-time viewer off-guard!

And Lo and Li's entire opinion of what she did is: "Almost perfect. One hair out of place."

This tells you the Fire Nation's idea of "imperfection" is... insane. Strict. Imposing. Unyielding. Unforgiving. Azula's reaction isn't to get angry at Lo and Li for saying what they did: it's to get angry at herself and try again.

But... that's not the only instance where we see Azula getting angry around Lo and Li.

The next few times Azula is around them, she doesn't seem to have much of an emotional reaction (one is when they tell her to find other allies, the other when they herald her as a great hero who returned home from Ba Sing Se). In the second of these scenes, Lo and Li are praising Azula as incredible, beautiful, all sorts of grand things...! And Azula smiles. She smiles at the crowd. She's not smiling at the old ladies who are praising her... she's mostly just happy to know her people are welcoming her as a hero indeed! Most the fandom would go "true! what an ungrateful bitch! She should've been happy that Lo and Li complimented her that way!!" Me? I wouldn't say that at all. Not just because I love Azula to pieces? But because the only information we have of Azula's dynamics with these two... doesn't seem compatible with the idea that what Lo and Li are saying here is for AZULA'S benefit.

Anyone who's had a hypocritical parent/caretaker/teacher must have endured awkward, horrible, unpleasant moments where this adult figure treats you like shit in private but in public holds you as this grand example, and a perfect child, and they never seem to stop saying they're soooo proud of you even though you NEVER felt that what they're saying is true. Maybe the first few times, you're naive enough to believe it. By the tenth time of incongruent messages? You start to realize they're talking you up as a way to make themselves look better. They're trying to show they're doing their job at raising you/training you, be it whatever it may. The praises are not FOR you... they're for a third person to hear and think "Oh, this adult's so cool, saying nice things about this kid they're responsible for! Nice!"

... You're starting to get the picture now, I'm sure.

Lo and Li reappear in the Beach. Azula is notably chill, enjoying the ride, talking casually with Ty Lee, telling Zuko to lighten up and to stop taking Ozai's choices personally, right? She seems... content. Relaxed.

Then, everything changed when Lo and Li attacked.

We don't even see why Azula is making this face at first. But she does it AT ONCE when their ship reaches the dock.

Who is there indeed...?

The stars of our post! :') if it isn't our elderly twin ladies... who brought Azula to a very disappoting beach house. And when Azula sees the house in question, she makes THIS face.

Judge however you may... even Ty Lee is weirded out by the beach house, going by that expression. Zuko and Mai aren't impressed either. But Azula? The look on her face isn't merely disappointment if you ask me... part of it looks a bit like embarrassment too? This isn't at all what she was expecting when she arrived (she has her old beach house for standards, which makes this extra underwhelming, I'm sure). She counts on Lo and Li to provide them with a place to stay, it goes implicit... and then this is what they do. It most likely isn't what she promised the other three in terms of where they'd stay, hence, I'd dare say there's a component of embarrassment here.

Shortly afterwards, we have our well known scene with Azula being utterly unconcerned with Lo and Li's apparent wisdom to the point of yawning over it. This, too, tells you she's just not interested in whatever those two have to say or bring to the table. Then, they show up again at mealtime and I think Azula just ignores them the whole scene.

After this? Lo and Li vanish until the finale. And what do they do in the finale? Why... it's the first time anyone expresses a verbal concern over Azula's wellbeing! Ah! A sign that Lo and Li have SOME affection for Azula! This time, you pesky Azula fans, you CAN'T twist this into a bad thing! For sure!

... Can't we, tho? :')

What IS Azula's reaction to: "We are concerned for your wellbeing"?

"My father asked you to come here and talk to me, didn't he‌? He thinks I can't handle the responsibility of being Fire Lord. But I will be the greatest leader in Fire Nation history."

And here, my friends, is when we have finally hit the jackpot.

Lo and Li could have been Azula's Irohs. She could've had TWO of him! Then you'd say: "hey! Ozai is such a dick he let Azula have two elderly wise ladies guiding her but only gave one old wise dude to Zuko! Rude!" and it would be further proof of Ozai's favoritism of Azula, right?

... But actually?

Lo and Li are no such thing. Lo and Li aren't moral compasses for Azula in the least. Lo and Li are not beacons of wisdom that genuinely help her sort her way through life. Worth noting: THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN THAT WAY. They're not. They're not part of mysterious secret societies, they don't help Azula in any objective, significant, tangible way... there's very much nothing to say they EVER fulfilled the role Iroh did for Zuko. What role, then, were they fulfilling instead?

Why... I think we ought to listen to Azula, shouldn't we?

My take: Lo and Li are OZAI'S STAND-INS.

Someone's going to say "hey why would you assume that when Azula said this in the middle of a breakdown?? Surely she was just DELUSIONAL and PARANOID and ashdgkadhsgkjgh...!"

... Let me counter that one with a fun little analysis excercise:

WHY are Lo and Li Azula's firebending teachers and advisors?

The finale very directly tells us these two are not benders. We could've assumed they were! They're not: Azula's teachers are non-benders.

Has a single person out there ever asked themselves WHY this is the case?

How the hell is Azula, prodigy of the blue fire, epic lightning, cruel and powerful and precise and deadly bending... training under two elderly nonbenders?

Bringing this to a real-life example: do you remember what it was like when you were in P.E. classes and your teacher told you to spend 20 minutes jogging, and if you ever stopped you had to do 20 crunches and then get back to the jogging, and every time you stopped he'd tell you the same thing and you'd want that guy to vanish from the face of the planet? I don't know if that was only my experience, but I rather doubt it.

What did kids typically think/say when that happened?

"I wanna see that old fart doing the same shit he's making us do..."

It's a headcanon indeed to say that this is how Azula must have felt over Lo and Li, but it's VERY likely to be the case. But I'd dare say, in Azula's case, it's even worse because, to put it in another way? It's like taking programming lessons from someone who's never learned a programming language. They'll tell you you're getting things wrong without knowing how to help you get them right because they just DON'T KNOW what you're doing, and are outright INCAPABLE of what you're trying to achieve. They can't offer good guidance based on experience because they have ZERO experience on that subject! And yet they want PERFECTION from you! They expect it!

Lo and Li are these teachers for Azula. We only see them in one scene? And yet everything in the rest of the show suggests that they bring nothing important to the table for Azula, be it professionally, be it personally, be it emotionally... not in any aspect of life.

And this, if you ask me, is why the OG show barely ever brings them into scenes. Why the comics flat-out forgot they existed and even featured people like Sozin and Azulon in Azula's beach hallucinations but NOT the two ladies who looked after her and trained her. Why the live-action didn't even FEATURE them.

And us? The fandom? The fic writers?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I READ A FIC THAT HAD LO AND LI INVOLVED IN IT.

I'm not even saying as main characters, I don't even know if that exists, frankly: I mean as minor, or background characters. I have NOT seen those two be used in basically ANY fics I've read. I've scarcely used them in mine! In fact, I PURPOSEFULLY got rid of them early on in Gladiator because I didn't want them to sabotage and get in the way of Azula's progress as a character and I believed they'd do exactly that. They were an obstacle rather than anything useful, so I did away with them and then realized they could still occasionally serve some purpose in certain situations: I even had Azula visit them once and they were actually helpful! Fancy that! But... that's it. That's as far as I could go with them. I can't do MORE with those two because they're not characters one particularly feels compelled to work with.

And from what I've seen? That's the case for everyone.

So, I ask again:

WHY ARE THEY THERE?

WHAT IS THEIR ROLE?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF AZULA HAVING NON-BENDING TEACHERS?

Let's go further and further into logical thinking here, shall we?

Azula is a child. Fourteen years of age at the time she's introduced in the OG show.

Azula has no power over many things around her, particularly, her upbringing. That's in the hands of the adults around her. Her mother, up until she vanished, had some hand in it, then, it all falls to Ozai.

Ozai has been Azula's sole parental figure since Ursa left.

Ozai is the one who would reasonably call the shots regarding Azula's education, as all parents are wont to do... ESPECIALLY when he's a king with absolute power over his children.

... so, Lo and Li? Ozai either gave them the position as Azula's teachers personally, or someone else (Ursa) did, and Ozai either didn't WANT to remove them from the role (cue "Ozai being sentimental over Ursa" theories), or Ozai didn't give a flying fuck about who was training his daughter (cue "Ozai is an abusive dick without a heart or a brain" theories).

Anyone, of course, would likely interject here to say surely Ozai ALSO trained Azula himself because that's what he'd do with his favorite kid, right? See. I don't even disagree with that notion.

BUT IT'S A HEADCANON.

We have zero evidence that Ozai trained her! None! I totally will write that into Azula's backstory in many of my stories, but there's NOTHING in canon to suggest this actually happened and that Ozai was genuinely, actively, frequently involved in her progress as a firebender. Assuming he HAD to be is, still, a headcanon. You can't say that with any more certainty than mine when I say I believe Azula loves spicy foods. Does it seem to be something that would fit with her character? I think so! But if eventually canon goes "AZULA CAN'T STAND SPICY FOODS LOL JOKE'S ON YOU!" I... can't even say a thing about it. People's food tastes aren't reflective of their personalities. They really could do whatever they want in that respect. And that's the case for ANYTHING that isn't part of the show's storytelling or the character backgrounds or any texts we consider canon!

POINT BEING: Ozai, regardless of what you want to headcanon, had Lo and Li as Azula's teachers. HIS FAVORITE CHILD... and her only official instructors are two non-benders. Yang added Kunyo as an old instructor of Azula's when she was young, sure! But Kunyo was sooooo qualified that baby Azula was already kicking his ass. So, for that matter? He doesn't really seem to have been a cornerstone of her firebending development and the only other known teachers for Azula are Lo and Li.

For the last time: Azula's teachers are NON-BENDERS. AS CHOSEN, SANCTIONED, APPROVED AND ACCEPTED BY OZAI.

And with those two remarking on absolutely STUPID stuff like "one hair out of place"? Azula still became the incredible firebender she was.

Cue, now, the irony where Zuko was stuck in the basics 3 years after setting out of the Fire Nation... WITH IROH ACTIVELY SERVING AS HIS MENTOR.

You're not gonna tell me that Lo and Li would EVER be better instructors than Iroh, or are you? Because that makes no sense. Full-stop. Iroh is supposed to be the most profound and complete firebender thorughout the show because he's spiritually enlightened even though I admit I think that's bullshit and he doesn't just teach Zuko how to set things on fire, he actually makes him learn theory and spirituality and his teachings are more profound than just "ONE HAIR OUT OF PLACE".

So.

Banished as he is, disgraced and seen as trash by Ozai, Zuko STILL has a better teacher than Azula does.

... Is this LOGICAL? Is this NORMAL? Does this make SENSE?

If you think Ozai's favoritism of Azula takes the shape of "I'll give you every little thing you ask for, sweetheart, I love you very much, here, have ten million doll houses so you can set them on fire, and all the ponies you ask for and on your next birthday I'll buy you a baby dragon and you'll get your own region of the Fire Nation to govern and a fancy title..."?

Then Lo and Li, unfortunately, are right here to be a HUGE contradiction with your interpretation of Ozai and Azula's relationship.

Azula should have THE BEST teachers. Azula does not. Azula doesn't even LIKE them. Azula is openly shown to dislike them! To be annoyed around them, ANGRY when they're teaching her, she feels they're here to keep tabs on her for her father! In a sense, they're Ozai's SPIES on her! :')

Hence? Ozai's favoritism of Azula MIGHT not be what everyone keeps pretending it is. Maybe Ozai didn't do everything to make Azula get things EASILY... and to be fair? That's not what Zuko said anyway. People interpreted it that way... but that's not REALLY what he says:

"Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. "

Every line in this statement is absolutely questionable and all of it sounds like buuuuullshit to me. This is ZUKO'S perspective. And sorry not sorry, but it's tell-don't-show. People swear by his opinion of Azula and pretend he's absolutely objective about it. He's not.

But "Everything always came easy to her," does not mean "EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS HANDED OVER TO HER ON A SILVER PLATTER." And yet this is what the fandom has constantly interpreted it as.

Azula might just be a prodigy. Maybe she started out ten steps ahead of her brother: this does not mean she needs no guidance, no training, no help. She's seen training herself over perfectionism in her very second scene of Book 2. And the guidance she gets in order to achieve perfection is actually, objectively, stupid.

This is what Ozai chose for her. This is an OBSTACLE for her growth, just as much as Lo and Li were obstacles for me when I was starting with Gladiator! Azula doesn't have it EASY: she just works herself so damn hard that even shit that should HINDER her does NOT do that. And even when her brother objectively has spent THREE YEARS with an advantage in the shape of being trained by one of the VERY BEST firebenders out there? Azula is still beating Zuko at it. With two non-benders as her teachers.

Where am I going with all this?

To the fact that Lo and Li are overlooked in just about every instance of the fandom.

To the fact that nobody includes them, and their influence on Azula, in their analyses of who Azula is.

I've seen a shitstorm rising over the Netflix characterization of Azula: SHE'S TOO ANGRY, they say. Non-stop. She's sooooo hysterical, all the time! She's just pissed perpetually!

Well. I haven't finished the show yet. But the scenes I've seen Azula in so far? They don't fit the fandom's view of Azula because...

... they're not taking Lo and Li into account.

As usual.

:')

Azula's reactions around Lo and Li being frustration, anger, irritation EVEN in scenes like The Beach, where Azula was FINE until she sees them? That shit is storytelling that went over sooooooo many heads, EVEN MINE! When I saw people going on about how canon Azula is... not insecure? Not angry? Has no frustrations and was only ever smirking 24/7? I... didn't feel that was right. I knew it wasn't right. And when I thought about it hard enough? I realized that one reason why this interpretation of Azula is IMMEDIATELY dismissable is because of Lo and Li: those two constantly made Azula angry. Even if that wasn't their intent, it's nonetheless the effect they'd have on her. And Azula didn't like having them around. She CLEARLY didn't appreciate them the way Zuko does Iroh, for instance! And this could be taken as a flaw on Azula's part... if we EVER saw evidence that these two ladies actually love Azula as a grandchild, or so. If we had any evidence that they actually have cared for her in ways nobody else ever did. If maybe the ones Zuko talks about, upon saying "EVERYONE LOVES AZULA" were these two! And maybe he was jealous of them! Maybe he wanted two old ladies to watch his every move and tell him his every flaw!

... Clearly I'm joking about that last thing, but anyway...

There's nothing to tell us Lo and Li were anything but Ozai's assigned watchdogs to keep control and tabs over Azula. That Azula's immediate reaction upon hearing that someone cares about her is "Oh fuck off, my dad sent you here because he doesn't trust me!" is... telling. It's not just paranoia speaking, even if it sure can be read that way! It's actually Azula's perception of those two, which is 100% supported by what we saw of the twins throughout the show, WHENEVER we did see them: their roles in Azula's life are indeed to keep tabs on her, to keep her under control, to pressure her into perfection, AS OZAI'S AGENTS! Seen this way, it MAKES SENSE for Azula to disregard their concern and immediately assume it's FAKE. She isn't even shown to doubt it, never questions that MAYBE they did care about her! She assumes they don't...

... And considering that, as far as I know, the official concept is that they BOTH LEFT when Azula banished one of them only? That they didn't contest her command, staying to look after her even if she only wanted one? I mean, clearly Azula can't tell them apart, so they could've taken turns: one watches over Azula for 12 hours and the other for the next 12 hours, I don't goddamn know! But they didn't do that. They LEFT. And if they left? It means they don't care remotely as much as they say they do. Not to the point where they'd challenge Azula's orders and help her when they KNOW she's not okay.

And all of this further supports my point.

When we see Azula in the liveaction being angry, bitter, irritable at Ozai's choices?

I see a reflection of the same dynamics that the OG too subtly weaved into Azula's relationship with Lo and Li. I see Azula reacting against Ozai's control over her because she feels it's DISTRUST. She feels it means her father STILL needs to be convinced that she's competent, powerful, ready to do his bidding. It isn't a case where Azula's irritation comes from wanting to rebel against her father... it's Azula wanting her father to UNDERSTAND that she's 100% his supporter and will put everything on the line to serve him and the Fire Nation.

And it's very damn easy to read that exact same thing into Azula's dynamics with Lo and Li as it is to see it EXPLICITLY STATED in the liveaction.

My point?

What the liveaction did is not nearly as much of a distant characterization choice as people think it is.

Ozai is Azula's Achilles' Heel. Everything she became, everything she grew up to be, was for his sake. He molded her to become those things and simply didn't give a shit about raising a daughter, he treated her as a weapon, and absolutely pitted his children against each other, just as much as OTHER adults in their lives did. But the impact of Ozai on Azula in the OG is easy to ignore. Why? Because we SELDOM see them interacting. Because we don't get that side of Azula's character fully explored. Because they didn't want to explore Ozai's character either! They were as cheap as they could be with all these aspects and so, only the people who really got into analyzing things on a deeper level would be able to say, without a doubt, that Ozai abused Azula emotionally with all the expectations and demands he put on his own child. Through the golden child-scapegoat dynamic that people have been bringing up non-stop in the past years.

So, proving herself to her father is what Azula wants to do, more than anything. Proving worthy of his favor, of his approval, is the closest thing she can get to feeling loved. Which is depressing as fuck. Azula gets zero affection: it's not even conditional affection, there's NOTHING for her besides approving words if she gets anything right. And this show's work with Azula's character? It was meant to make these things less invisible to all the fans who like to pretend none of it exists. And yes, I've seen them, crawling all over Twitter shitting themselves in fits of rage because how dare that show pretend Azula EVER had a bad time in her perfect flawless life!!

Well, the irony is that the OG gives you a smidge of evidence -- and yet that's enough -- to show that Ozai was doing very similar things to Azula in ATLA, and her reactions to it?

Huh. No smirks for Lo and Li.

No smirks for the symbols of Ozai's control over her life.

It's almost like the confidence, the smirks, the apparent ease with which she handles everything? Is a front that crumbles easily whenever it concerns the ONE PERSON with power over her life.

I don't believe, worth noting, that Azula's power comes from rage. I've seen people say that in fandom in the past and I find it a completely absurd take when Iroh himself spells out that her bending is about control, about precision, and it's Azula's FURY that makes her a sloppy mess in the finale. It's even INTENTIONAL that when she shoots lightning a second time, in her second establishing scene, THAT SAME HAIR FALLS OUT OF PLACE. She's still angry. She didn't get it "right" this time either. She's imperfect and she's trying NOT to be, but she cannot succeed. And upon bending lightning with emotions (rage/frustration)? That hair falls YET AGAIN out of place. Proof that she's not going to achieve the perfection she's being FORCED (indeed, by her father and the people who are here to represent him, Lo and Li) to strive for.

The liveaction had Ozai pushing Azula for a perfection she couldn't attain either. She's perfectly content in her cruelty at Ozai's side, right until she hears the Avatar was found and that Zuko has a shot at taking away the privileges she's been basking in so far. That she WASN'T nervous about this in canon is pretty damn obvious: OZAI SENT HER TO HUNT ZUKO DOWN FOR BEING A FAILURE. We never saw her reaction to learning that the Avatar was out and about. We have noooo idea what was canonically going on with her back then. The first time we see her besides the flashback is Azula receiving a mission that tells her she's STILL #1 and Zuko is no threat to her because Ozai thinks he's a failure. Thus? She had nothing to fear. Here? Ozai is actively using Zuko as bait to pressure Azula further. And if you're so confident in Ozai's good parenting skills as to believe he somehow WOULDN'T do that? Sounds like you don't understand the very basic and simplistic Fire Lod Ozai from ATLA, and that's not something to be proud of. So probably stop screaming your bad takes at the top of your lungs, because being incapable of understanding Ozai in canon is not a badge of pride, just saying...

FINAL POINT...

This post is not written expressly in the defense of the liveaction and its characterization of Azula. To this point, what I've seen of it doesn't feel WRONG or OFF unless you're the kind of person who thinks Azula is only capable of smirking and if she stops doing that she stops existing or something. Only people who cannot understand the depth, nuance, subtleties in Azula's story would ever be claiming that Azula's relationship with Ozai COUDLN'T be like this, or that Azula couldn't possibly be frustrated with her father or his choices when it's soooo clear what Ozai is going for, and why it's working. But in order to read Azula as a character capable of this range of emotion, frustration and ambition, all at once? You have to be able to treat this character, be it in the liveaction or the OG show, as a human being.

And that's what most the people criticizing this specific change are determined not to do. It's what makes them uncomfy. It's what rustles their jimmies.

Yes. I'm saying it in this very demeaning way because I actually find it quite ridiculous to be this insecure over the portrayal of a fictional 14yo in two TV shows. Whether the liveaction sticks the landing or fails catastrophically, I do not know... but I do know that if it's forcing a bunch of people to rethink Azula's character, and making them panic at the idea that she could EVER have human emotions, even if they're AWFUL human emotions?

Then I'm afraid you're only convincing me that, as bad as that show could ever get? It's getting SOMETHING right. I do love to see misinterpretations of Azula getting slammed in the face by the reality that all those beliefs, headcanons and takes in bad faith are actively, categorically untrue: none of which makes Azula a fundamentally good person, worth noting! But it makes it very clear that reading her as a one-dimensional basic villain, which is what the anti-Azula-redemption crowd actively does, is literally only possible if you overlook, ignore and fail to understand her character and her complexities, be it in the liveaction or in the original show.

There. I said my piece.

Another post, regarding the rest of the liveaction, is bound to come later. I'd say stay tuned but it might take me a while to write it at all. So... wait around and maybe you'll see it someday!

#azula #atla #natla #yep :')#I'm doing it #because I know the bad takes are everywhere so #let's see if mine actually gets any visibility this way #can of worms here we goooooooooo #(this is a bad idea I know it is I'm having a leave of my senses)#(but sometimes you just gotta watch the world burn and this has been... a complicated sad day)#also sorry if anyone saw it without the read more oops I thought I'd put it there #so either tumblr ate it or I forgot yikes #but now it's theeeere #sorryyyyyyyy

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lonely-moon-artist-blog · 10 days

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PARKOUR!

And also kisses ehehehhe-

I have no idea how they could get there or how they would come down from there but...

Ehehhe... Them. <3

Yes I drew this in magma again-

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ihateornithologists · 1 month

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#elisabeth das musical #and things that happened to me irl xD #i finally did thissss #it's so funny to do actually and it almost works like sort of therapy so why not #like wow i can finally talk about this and even draw related things without wanting to throw up immediately #for more context (yep again) i had severe depression years ago and at some point my brain was so fucked up by illness that #i started seeing [one of those guys i'm always talking about] literally as an embodiment of everything bad in my life #well HE WAS #but like i so strongly identified him with my depression that sometimes even doubted if he was a real person at all lmao #(YOU SEE WHY I'M DRAWING THIS)#he somehow managed to follow me everywhere which made things even more creepy.#and i kept coming back to him myself because i had no one else etc #so funny actually that he was literally JUST SOME GUY like not even interesting or anything #all this shit was just awful and gross that's all.#but when i realized i can make it look COOL by drawing stuff i felt so powerful ahsdijwhnu8 #like YES i texted him recently and he's just. boring as fuck.#so dumb to feel possessed by some evil entity for years and the said evil entity is just a random dude #SORRY my traumadumping is cringe af but thats the price you have to pay to see my drawings xDddd

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dawnthefluffyduck · 7 days

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yay :)

#the updated translation made me so happy #she was always my favorite character so I'm glad she was done some justice #i carried vivian around everywhere no matter what i was doing #if i had to pull out a new party member they would be switched back with vivian as soon as i was able to #there was no quick-partner-change shortcut y'all i was a dedicated 9 year old #maybe that was a sign 🌈#paper mario #ttyd #vivian #trans rights #hi i'm back i'm sorry i got sick again over the weekend #i'm better it was just a cold #and then classes started last week so I'm a bit busy throughout the week #will be visiting mutuals blogs soon so apologies for future spam

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ccarrot · 7 months

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y'know i'm with dazai here. if i were him there is nothing intimidating about chuuya.

#unimportant #imagine being a man who's basically built like a tank pushing 6ft and some scrappy little guy keeps coming up and challenging you to a figh #'who is this sassy lost child' energy #chuuhuahua fr fr #'i'm gonna kill you dazai' girl you can't even look him in the eye without craning your neck #actually i bet you can't even do that without adjusting your hat brim #operation shame and toad is so funny bc it's just chuuya hiding behind dazai and like. he completely disappears. hence. shame #dazai could probably fit 2 of you behind him actually chuuya.#he also got that baby face too. like. bro's probably getting ID'd everywhere he turns.#even though he's a known mafia executive who regularly breaks laws #sorry. it's chuuya nakahara bullying hours

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albino-parakeet · 5 months

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I have no clue what Japan's school curriculum is or if/when they would ever bring up fractals in a course.

But I keep thinking about Yoshiki opening his textbook and it's just a jumpscare for him, since 'Hikaru's' insides are represented as such.

(Sits Yoshiki in front of a Mandelbrot zoom sequence to see what happens)

#the summer hikaru died #hikaru ga shinda natsu spoilers #I'm just rambling #Who knows if he'll even live that long...#Anyways fractals are cool and everywhere in nature.#I think the one that's in the manga is a Julia from a Mandelbrot fractal #I only have surface level knowledge of Fractals. I am not good at math that involves imaginary numbers.#Sorry to my Sky followers for posting about this horror manga…

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buddydolly · 11 days

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I am dead fucking serious when I say I wish I saw more fat women in public. I want to see fat models. I want to see fat women in department stores getting absolutely HYPE when they find racks and racks of clothing in their size and sizes up, so they too can get the "oversized, baggy fit" like women who fit into smalls and mediums. I want to see fat women wearing crop tops proudly and rocking mad midriff. I want to see fat women trying on clothing for their friends and family and saying "look! it compliments my body shape! it's like it was made for me!" I want to see fat women with "cankles" wearing pretty jingling anklets skipping and jumping just to show them off. I want to see fat women on TV, in magazines, on billboards, in all manner of ads, and in online shop images because I want to see my fucking self and all the women I know who don't see enough of themselves. I want to see fat women living, loving, and being visibly proud of who they are because they are beautiful, WE are beautiful. I want to see fat women because fat women need to see other fat women.

#buddydolly #fat women #btw this includes transwomen #anti fatphobia #fuck diet culture #not to mention it's my size and everywhere I go the racks are mysteriously barren of 2x clothing #this blog is and always will be pro-trans #ditto for fat men but make your own post I don't ID as a man #side note: I'm going fucking insane because there aren't as many stores that specialize in plus sizing where I live anymore #average american woman isn't ''5'10 and wearing a medium''#average american woman is about 5'4 wearing a 2x #you know how I know?#because I looked up the stats and that's the size stores run out of most quickly #but there's never a shord of smalls mediums and even EXTRA SMALLS #fucking ridiculous #and this shit isn't getting bought so it goes on clearance for dirt cheap #because it's all in sizes most women could never even HOPE to fit into #it's a fucking waste of material #y'all will bitch and moan and complain ALL FUCKING DAY about how fast fashion is the scrouge of the earth #but you don't bat an eye when big fashion houses don't make their clothing accessible for people of all sizes and shapes #being skinny isn't couture you just have different body type #and honestly you're a fucking lazy ass designer if you can't design for fat bodies #tag commentary #mobile post so the tags are fucked and out of order slightly sorry #anyway respect fat women #✌️ bye

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radioactive-cloud · 8 months

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for personal reasons i'm considering these two blobs from jure's ig stories as nace and jan cuddling

#i feel like each post i make is more embarrassing and delusional than the previous one #i'm sorry #there's something wrong with my brain i guess #i just see them everywhere #jance #janace #nace jordan #jan peteh #jure maček #joker out

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uselessnbee · 1 year

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can't wait for Hopper to have a big role in saving Mike next season or something so the whole 'Hopper is mikephobic' thing can finally die out

#just read a fic where Hop was being an asshole to Mike and it was made as comedy because #'hopper is mikephopic haha' yeah grown ass man being an immature piece of shit and treating children like shit is hilarious #can you tell i'm tired of these jokes that aren't even funny?#sorry for being so salty on here yall have fun but damn i wish i could somehow block any content with this everywhere #mike wheeler #jim hopper #byler

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phantomposting · 1 year

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Another half asleep twins au rant/prompt! Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors I have not slept in a hot minute.

Trigger Warning ⚠️: Ghost Hunger, Dissection/vivisection, starvation

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So this is a Ghost Hunger Damian and Danny are twins au. I was reminded about ghost hunger the other day and boy did it give me the spark of creativity I needed to create yet another au/fic idea to hyperfixate on.

So in this au Damian and Danny were very close as siblings but Danny ended up dying throwing himself in harms way to protect Damian on a mission for the league. Damian blames himself for not having better reflexes/not paying enough attention and could never convince his grandfather to allow Danyal to be resurrected via the pit.

Talia saw how desperate her son was for the other to live though and also cared for Danyal so she risked it all to revive him secretly and hide him amongst the civilians in America. Damian sadly never got to learn about that fact tho and lived years with the guilt he felt which left him determined to never let that happen again. Which meant he could never let anyone get close enough to want to do such a thing for him and he needed to hone his skills.

Danny on the other hand has hazy memories of his brother while with the Fentons and goes through the same timeline of becoming Phantom and protecting Amity Park. Eventually tho his parents find out and that gets him strapped to a table in the basement begging for his half life/getting vivisected.

So Danny flees going on the run and ends up on the streets of Gotham. The spirit of Gotham is so excited and welcoming to her newest child. He is a protector and her king after all. It fills her with pride that she would get to care for such an important person. She does all she can to make sure the king stays safe. Little things to keep him hidden and protected.

Danny however has unintentionally been keeping a pretty big secret from the ghosts of the realm. He doesn't really know this though and thinks its just a ghost thing. Basically his core is slightly corrupted due to the years he spent around the Lazarus pits aswell as the revival vial the dip in it's corrupt ectoplasm. As a result he experiences ghost hunger which was pretty easy to manage when he lived with the Fenton's. He would normally satiate his hunger via eating pure ectoplasm from the lab but now he has no access to that which leads him to starving himself.

This starvation mixed with his human side starving aswell is very very hard on his body as a result he begins to black out sometimes when he wakes up he usually tastes ectoplasm but just assumes its his own due to his injuries from his parents. These injuries are weirdly taking way longer to heal which is due to ghosts being very mental/emotional state based.

Gotham soon realizes she has a big problem on her hands. It turns out the king's core is corrupted and as a result many of her ghostly children are going missing. She is deeply upset and calls out for help to assist the king with his corruption or stop him from killing more of her children. She hopes the king gets help rather than getting taken down however. She knows it's not his fault. She knows how protective of her city and her people he is and how kind he can be to them and hopes issues get solved so he may become a protector of her people.

This call for help brings Constantine to Gotham. He doesn't get a whole lot of info from Gotham at first but he knows whatever is going on can be dangerous and is important. He knows that some of the bats are in danger too and gives them a warning that something in Gotham seems to be hunting ghostly beings and those whom have died before are at risk especially Red Hood.

The Bat's don't take too kindly to the supernatural threat and kinda force their way into assisting Constantine whom is already annoyed with the prospect of having to deal with the bats.

So time passes and the bats gets a few encounters of feeling as if they're being hunted. Jason is also the first to discover the new homeless kid in Gotham who looks almost exactly like Damian. It's hard to really see too many similarities at the time tho he's so thin it's deeply worrying and his icy blue eyes greatly contrast Damian's emerald green, but some similarities are far too obvious to miss. Oh great more black hair blue eyed adoption bait. Better keep him far away from Bruce.

The few run ins some of the bat kids have with Danny make them worried about the homeless kid. Dick, Tim, Duke and Jason all get run ins with the kid and tho they want to try and help the kid he always seems to vanish without a trace. It's kinda creepy but they all can recognize just how scared this kid is.

Eventually Bruce and Damian get their run in with the kid. The GiW have finally tracked Danny down and due to the stupid vivisection wounds not healing and the starvation of both forms he can't get the strength he needs to defend himself or make an easy escape. He ends up cornered in an alleyway and getting shot with luckily no major damage. Batman and Robin come across the scene of what appears to be some weird new gang bullying a homeless child and makes quick work of them.

After all is said and done and they look back to help the injured kid Damian ends up shocked to find that this kid is Danyal. At first he pulls his sword on him making threats thinking this is some sick and twisted trick from the league, but then he comes to his senses seeing how broken and defeated Danyal is. He doesn't flinch or shy away from the fate, though he has tears in his deeply tired eyes he doesn't fight back. He doesn't seem to have the energy to. He just sits against the walled dead end that almost got him killed and stares down the katana as if he no longer fears death.

Things get bit emotional as he questions his long dead brother. Danny is honest in answering he doesn't know how he came back nor does he fully remember how he died in the first place. He also dodges some of the questions and keeps the ghost half hidden. He explains to them he's gotten himself into trouble however and people are after him now and he appreciates the help. He keeps as much as he can about ghosts being involved a secret. He has no idea about the Bat's stances on them after all. And he seems to hate metas so probably won't take to kindly to a ghost.

Damian and Danny share info and Bruce discovers he has a son he didn't know about and deeply regrets not being there cause the state this kid is in is pretty dier. He's not sure he can fully trust the kid though. It's clear he's hiding something and that could be a danger to his family and Gotham, but he decides to give him a chance. After all this is his son and he wants to help him no matter what.

Bruce calls in someone to cover the rest of his and Damian's patrol route for the night and has Alfred get Doctor Thompkins to meet them back in the cave for medical assistance. They get Danny back and he starts getting some treatment for his wounds. Alfred and Thompkins are pretty horrified to find the vivisection wounds on the kiddo. They are definetly infected by this point. And much to Danny's dismay he has to use the excuse that he's a meta to explain why he's got such a low temperature and heart rate, why he can't use sedatives, and why stitches and stuff like that won't work.

So treatment is a bit difficult but they do their best with it. Alfred and Thompkins also discuss what needs to be done to get the kid back on track to being healthy. All the while Damian is anxiously waiting to be able to see his brother again. Bruce has never seen Damian show such emotion and care before aside from when he's dealing with animals. It's so jarring. And of course the other bat kids are snooping trying to find out what's going on.

So recovery is slow and bat kids try to connect with their new sibling whenever Damian isn't trying to act as a guard dog/mother hen. Danny ends up the closest with Damian and Jason in the family. Jason can immediately tell something is off with the kid due to the Lazarus water reacting to him and is the first person Danny opens up to about being half ghost (much to Damian's dismay). Jason keeps Danny's secret for him but encourages him subtly to open up to the others cause they'll definetly accept him despite the fact that he's half dead. They bond a lot on their mutual trauma and of course Damian is jealous but also happy Danny is actually talking to someone and getting back on his feet.

Damian still feels immense guilt over the first death Danyal faced and this guilt makes him think of course Danyal would want to avoid him that Danyal blames him too which is totally untrue and eventually gets worked through but not until after theres some conflicts due to jealousy. But that comes later.

One night Jason decides to stay over for Danny's sake and Danny has another black out. Basically his ghost form goes feral and tries to go after Jason. This results in the discovery that Danny was the danger Constantine has been looking for all along and there's a major blow up in the family due to this info. Danny only stops feral mode after eating a blob ghost (poor lil guy) and gets rudely awoken by the batfam accusations of attempted murder.

Danny is finally informed that he's been killing and eating ghosts and is horrified this goes against his whole goal of protecting everyone and keeping the balance and really goes against his protection obsession. It breaks him and Bruce yelling accusations at him doesn't help at all. Kiddo has a major breakdown and goes on the run from his new family thinking he is a danger and that he blew it with them.

Danny faces issues with injury to his core aswell due to what he's done and how that effects his obsession. Basically he's having a real bad time.

Jason whom has connected with the kiddo knows that this ain't Danny and somethings clearly wrong and so does Damian so the two reluctantly band together to locate and help the poor kiddo. With this team up Damian discovers Jason knew Danny was a half ghost and jealousy causes a fight but they manage to keep the team together out of concern for the kiddo.

The the other Bats team up with Constantine to track him down and eliminate the threat. Gotham tries to impede them though cause she knows the route they are on will only bring harm to the ghost king rather than help him. She tries her best to help hood and Robin find him first.

When Jason and Damian discover Danny he's in bad shape. Kiddos absolutely breaking down and very injured his core is definetly injured for sure. They try to offer assistance but Danny isn't thinking straight he's like a wounded animal so if he gets cornered he fights back.

It really doesn't help that the GiW manages to track him down yet again and the boyoa have to deal with both that and a ghostly Danny whom poses a risk of injury to not only them but himself.

With so much going on its no surprise that the GiW actually succeeds in capturing Danny. The two vigilante's end up getting knocked out and left to the wayside.

Eventually the other bats come across them and they explain Danny was captured by the thugs that first attacked him. Constantine recognizes the organization and is deeply frustrated but hey atleast it's not his problem anymore right? Wrong. With the kids explanations he realizes Danny was not actually evil. He's partially alive and he is a protector spirit not a rouge one. He also realizes how bad things are cause a spirit like that committing such acts that he has risks destabilization which would probably kill both the human and ghost half. He's no ghost expert but Gotham's giving him signs she wants him to help the ghost kid and now he's in quite the pickle.

So this leads everyone into panic mode and search and recuse mode. Theres a big rescue mission where they break into the GiW headquarters and fight the GiW to get Danny back. Of course he is having a hard time staying stable and they have to both use whatever magic Constantine can muster to keep him as stable as he can and on the spot therapy time to try and stabilize the poor kiddo.

Eventually they get him stable enough to bring him back home but now he has mandatory therapy sessions with Black Canary. They also have a lot of emotional work ahead of them aswell and physical work trying to get a steady supply of ectoplasm so the kid doesn't starve again.

They have to fight the Fenton's for custody aswell and try and dismantle the GiW and anti ecto acts. Its a long process and they really discover just how bad things were for the kid.

They probably have a visit to frostbite too if they can get a portal and this helps him heal and make sure no more ghost medical problems occur. This also helps the family learn a lot of ghost health is tied to emotional and mental health.

Damian and Danny probably end up getting in a few fights due to Damian's jealousy aswell but eventually work though it and become closer due to it. They are inseparable. And Damian also has to learn to get used to Jason being around and an active older brother figure. Bruce apologizes for his mistreatment of the kiddo too. Their relationship stays a bit rocky for a long while but they definitely make progress.

Theres a lot of emotions and emotional conflict and things are very rocky for awhile but eventually they get to be a functional and loving family dynamic! Danny gets a happy ending in the end it's not a perfect home but he definetly wouldn't want to be anywhere else :D

This is the longest prompt I've written yet I hope you guys enjoy it 💗💗💗

#danny phantom #dp x dc #batman crossover #dp au #damian wayne #danny and damian are twins #writing prompt #jason todd #I'm so sleepy tired and I'm sorry if that effects the prompt in any way #ghost hunger #I was reminded about ghost hunger and my brain went a little crazy bonkers with it #sorry if this one is a bit everywhere just kinda having fun with it #so much drama so much trauma #angst supreme

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every-aj-needs-an-angel · 9 months

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Chapter 11!! I’m very sorry but I’m taking full advantage of the AU here. I do know this is not at all how to take care of a tattoo but I seem to have massage on the brain this week and it didn’t even occur to me until it was too late so I'm sorry but they’ll just have to live in an AU whereby tattoos heal differently

Betting It All On Love

The suite was as quiet as a mouse late into midmorning. Both couples, finally settled in their relationships, had actually managed to get a decent amount of rest; only bothering to move from their cocoons when they could no longer ignore their stomachs, and even then they didn’t go far.

The girls had been the first to get up, so when Eddie and Steve finally emerged from the bedroom, there was already a random assortment of foods strewn all over the coffee table. Steve and Chrissy sat on the plush rug, passing food up to Robin and Eddie who were sprawled out on the sofas, only getting up to join their partners when all of their bellies were full.

The foursome laid together chatting about their evening apart, Chrissy gushing over the proposal while Robin fondly rolled her eyes, although Steve could tell she secretly was pleased for them; and Robin regaling them with their night at the Glover’s. They’d had cocktails, far too many cocktails in Chrissy’s opinion, and Beth had regaled Robin with stories about the antics they had got up to on their cheerleading trips.

Eddie was enthralled, listening intently to every word of the life he missed out on with his best friend. Steve could tell he would’ve liked to be there to hear it from the horse's mouth, but Eddie had him wrapped so tightly in his arms, pressing absentminded kisses to his temple and playing with their rings as he shifted his grasp on Steve; their legs wrapped so tightly together Steve wasn’t sure he’d even be able to get up without falling face-first into the coffee table, so he felt that maybe Eddie wasn’t entirely disappointed either.

Eventually, they lapped into a contented silence, happy to just be together watching the sun beat down on the strip through the windows. Steve thought it’d be nice for them all to go home and make it their weekend thing to just spend lazy Sunday mornings curled up together, chatting about the intricacies of their week and doing nothing for a few hours.

He hadn’t even realised he'd been so relaxed that he’d dozed off until he awoke with the worst crick in his neck. Eddie stirred underneath him when he had accidentally flinched whilst rolling his neck, trying and failing to get the pain to ease.

“Sit up, and I’ll rub that for you,” Eddie offered, and no way was Steve going to turn down the opportunity to have Eddie’s hands on him.

Except Chrissy made a quiet disgruntled noise, “Ah, hon, I wouldn’t do that if I were you” she warned.

“Whaddya mean?” Eddie asked, affronted.

“Eddie, darling, my beloved best friend, I love you but, unfortunately for you, you’re the worst at massages,” she told him empathetically, as Robin snorted a laugh from under her arm.

“Am not!” Eddie squawked.

Chrissy snorted and raised her eyebrows, “No? Remember when Ronan dropped me? The PT sent me home with those stupid exercises, and you said “If it’s hurting I can massage it for you” I swear my neck still hasn’t recovered,” she teased, looking over to Steve, “Unfortunately your husbands got talon fingers, so if you want your muscles to still work, don’t let him anywhere near you!”

Steve had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from smiling too broadly, as Eddie huffed and threw himself dramatically back against the arm of the couch.

“Y’know insteada bickering we could just take advantage of the fact that his hotel has one of the fanciest spas in the country?” Steve reasoned.

“Oooh, spa day!” Chrissy squealed at the same time Robin grouched, “Ugh, spa day!”

It wasn’t that Robin was really opposed to the whole spa experience, in fact, once she actually got into the spirit of it she really enjoyed getting pampered, she just needed to seem reluctant to join in. He had tried to explain that it wasn’t selfish to do something to make herself feel good every once in a while, but it was like she just couldn’t accept it, always grumbling something about her parents and never really wanting to talk about it. Not that it stopped him from affectionately bullying her into experiences he knew she loved but would never choose to do for herself.

Steve had been surprised when the receptionist had told them to come right down, but when he was promptly handed a mimosa and directed into a hot tub, he wasn’t exactly going to complain.

He sighed heavily as the bubbles and the steam worked their magic, relaxing him from the inside out. Chrissy seemed to be the only one enjoying the experience with him, giggling happily as she poked him in the thigh with the tip of her toe. Robin was still pretending to be blighted and Eddie seemed to have gone suddenly shy since they'd been asked to remove all their jewellery, his arms crossed tightly over his chest watching sullenly as Steve's leg reached across the hot tub to poke Chrissy back, making her squeal with delight.

Steve reached down to take Eddie’s hand but found it was gripping tightly onto the edge of the seat, so he changed course and put his hand on his knee instead, leaning heavily into his space and planting a quick kiss on his cheek, “Y’okay?” he asked, but Eddie only nodded solemnly and just as Steve opened his mouth to ask what was wrong their names were called, and before he knew it he was laid out on a table next to Eddie in a room full of candles and essential oils, getting every knot in his body dissolved until he felt like he was floating on a cloud.

The masseurs left the room eventually and Steve found it took real effort to even lift his head, so he could turn to look at Eddie, who was already facing Steve, but his eyes were closed and, if the soft snores and drool pouring out the side of his mouth was anything to go by, was already fast asleep. He took the opportunity to close his eyes too, he wasn’t sure what Eddie and Chris had planned for the rest of their trip, but he hoped maybe they could spend the evening doing whatever Eddie wanted to do, just so they could put a smile back on his face.

He awoke when his name was softly called as he was manoeuvred into a giant fluffy dressing gown, helped to his unsteady feet and guided down a corridor, the only thing keeping him from a total state of bliss was being unable to see Eddie, but it wasn’t long before he was reunited with his three companions.

They were all lounging by a huge pool, steam rising steadily from its surface. Chrissy looked lost in the amount of fabric she was wrapped in, especially as she poked her tongue out as far as it would reach, trying to reclaim the straw poking out of her fruity cocktail. Robin didn’t look like she had to energy to hold anything, practically moulded into the sun lounger below her, glancing at Steve out the corner of her eyes, so she wouldn’t have to move her head.

Eddie smiled sleepily at him, patting the empty sun lounger next to him, practically waiting with his name on it, but it’d been ages since he’d had a proper swim and the water looked too good to resist. Leaning over Eddie he kissed him deeply, tangling his fingers into his bun with one hand and undoing the tie on his dressing gown with the other before in one swift motion he released Eddie, threw the fluffy towelling over his feet and within three strides threw himself into the water, diving in as graceful as a dolphin, as he’d always been.

The water felt amazing against his skin, but his muscles were too relaxed to do more than a few laps and he didn’t want to get out, but he also didn’t want to be so far from Eddie, so he swam up to the side where they were laid watching him, and called out, “C’mon guys, the water's great!”

Chrissy darted up like she wanted to get in but leaned slowly back against the chair as Robin flopped a dismissive arm at him. Eddie was just staring dazedly at his chest, seemingly tracing water droplets as they dribbled down his chest. Steve took it as a win, he’d always received the most attention as a teen when his adoring fans had been watching him glide up and down.

He was just considering getting out and going to sit in Eddie's lap when Robin purposefully cleared her throat, giving him a look that said don't you dare! Which was fair enough but if he wasn't allowed to ravish his husband, the least she could do was entertain him, “Bobbie,” Steve whined, splashing water at her, successfully landing a stream of water against her legs.

She scowled and sighed heavily, “You’re not gonna stop until I get in, are you?”

Steve put on his best puppy dog eyes, the ones he knew she couldn’t ignore, “S’lonely in here all by myself,” he pouted.

She raised her eyebrows, glared at him for a second and threw herself out of the chair, hurling the dressing gown off her shoulders and dashing at him, “You’re gonna regret that Steeby” she yelled, cannonballing into the water. Surfacing quickly to chase him around the pool, splashing him in the face whenever she caught up with him. “Not showing off now!” she cackled, and she jumped on his back and pushed him under the water, enjoying tugging each other into the depths until they’d worn themselves out, Robin calling time as she hacked water out of her lung.

Chrissy was sitting up watching them, like a puppy stuck behind patio doors watching other dogs play, “Come join us,” Steve called, he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t join in if she wanted to. She got up, immediately flicking her dressing gown excitedly into her vacant seat, and then glanced at Eddie and sat straight back down.

“It’s fine, you go,” Eddie muttered, playing with a loose strand on the tie of his robe, purposefully not looking at any of them.

“S’fine, I don't mind,” Chrissy mumbled back, picking her drink back up.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, because the more he thought about it, the more he realised Eddie had been in a weird mood since he’d suggested they go to the spa. Admittedly, he hadn’t thought much of it when he’d seen Eddie’s trunks were brand new, most people bought new clothes when they were going on holiday, but maybe?

“Nothing,” they both answered far too quickly, Chrissy now not looking at them either as Robin swam over to join him by the side of the pool.

Steve glanced between them both and was about to let it go when Eddie sighed heavily, “I can’t swim,” he admitted to his hands, “I had lessons, four years worth but…” he trailed off with a shrug.

Steve suddenly felt terrible for showing off. He pushed himself out of the water, throwing on his robe and waving Chrissy into the water, waiting for her elegant splash before sitting himself down on the end of Eddie’s lounger, pulling his feet into his lap, listening to the girls giggling as he thought how best to broach such a topic.

It was obviously something he was self-conscious about, and he didn't want to make it worse, but it was something he needed to know. Summers learning to surf wouldn’t be possible if Eddie was terrified of water.

Luckily, Eddie saved him from trying to start the conversation, “I can swim, like I won’t drown if you throw me in there, but I’m not good at it,” he muttered.

Steve nodded in understanding, not everyone was a strong swimmer and it wasn’t something to be ashamed of, “Robin’s not a strong swimmer either,” Steve told him, effectively snapping Eddie’s attention to him

“She’s not?” Eddie asked in disbelief.

“No, have you not being watching her?” Steve asked with a breathy chuckle. Eddie did look around him then, watching Robin as she squealed and kicked wildly, barely keeping her head above the water.

Eddie looked back at Steve with a furrow between his brow, “What’s she doing in there then?” he asked like it was the stupidest thing she could possibly do.

“She loves it! Plus she knows she’s perfectly safe,” Steve admitted, smiling gently at Eddie.

He watched Eddie process what he'd said, watched the minute expressions as he thought about it, dazedly watching Robin over his shoulder, “But you’re not watching her,” Eddie murmured.

Steve smiled a little cockily, shrugged nonchalantly, “I know where she is.”

It’d just been something he had found himself scarily good at, whether through instinct or practice, he couldn’t honestly say. The first summer after Billy had moved to Hawkins, it was like he was trying desperately trying to prove something to himself, hitting on as many girls as humanly possible, nearly getting himself fired on several occasions.

All the while he had actually been stalling, hanging around and waiting for Billy to see him flirting with whatever pretty brunette had caught his eye, as he came out to take over his shift. Billy would do it too, like they were simultaneously in some weird competition with each other and at the same time trying not to spend too long in each others proximity.

Strangely, all the not paying attention to the pool had actually made him a better lifeguard, like he could use his peripheral and hearing to recognise where people were, could pinpoint an accident waiting to happen better when it didn't have his undivided attention.

“How?” Eddie asked, a little starry eyed.

“Swim team co-captain for three years, lifeguard for five,” Steve admitted, scratching the back of his neck, for all his prowess he didn’t actually want him to feel like he was rubbing it in his face.

“C’mon Teddy,” Chrissy yelled from the shallow end of the pool.

“Evie won’t let anything bad happen to you,” Robin chimed in.

“You don’t have to,” Steve cautioned, “We can just cuddle up here,” he offered.

Except Eddie had already set his shoulders like he was determined not to let something spoil his good time, and Steve wasn’t about to argue with him.

They ended up having a lot of fun, playing Marco Polo, eventually venturing into deeper water when Robin and Eddie wanted to play chicken. Steve did have a moment of panic when Robin pushed Eddie backwards off of his shoulders, but when Eddie came up laughing and demanding vengeance, Steve was more than happy to breathe a sigh of relief.

When Chrissy was retying her hair after Robin had nearly tugged out a chunk of it trying to save herself from crash landing in the water, Chrissy had lost the tie and while the three of them debated who should have to go down to fetch it, Steve just dunked himself under the water and brought it back with a grin.

Except instead of Chrissy being able to tie her hair back up, Robin snatched it from his fingers and flung it into the water, turning it into some weird game of fetch. Even Eddie had a go whenever it got flung into shallower waters but eventually the girls ended up in the deep end of the pool and were so caught up in whatever they were chatting about they hadn’t noticed they’d left Eddie behind.

Steve didn’t want to ruin their fun or draw any unnecessary attention to the fact that they’d been separated, so he casually scooped Eddie into his arms, making him laugh

“Having a good day?” Steve asked as he secured Eddie’s arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his bicep.

Luckily for Steve, Eddie took it as him being romantic, which he supposed it was in a way, “Mhmm,” Eddie hummed, locking his own legs around Steve’s waist, “Are you?”

Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s back and started casually walking into the deeper water, “I’m having a wonderful day, I’m with you,” he declared, humming happily as Eddie kissed him, using the distraction to tread water over to their friends, Eddie only realising what he’d done when his back hit the pool wall.

He narrowed his eyes playfully at Steve in a I know what you just did way but he didn’t look upset by it, just snuggled closer into Steve as he held onto the side of the pool to make sure his legs wouldn’t get too tired.

Chrissy seemed to notice as she glanced up to the top of the pool, but other than an apologetic look, she didn’t draw attention to it. She did, however, thank Steve when they finally got out of the pool, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and giving his cheek a quick peck as Robin and Eddie got further into their discussion about working hours and the blight of capitalism.

The foursome eventually headed back to the suite, intending to order room service for a late lunch but got back to find someone had left a message. Steve tried not to listen but although the space was large it wasn’t big enough not to hear Charlie’s voice coming through the speaker after the beep, “Chrissy!” Charlie cheered, followed by a purposefully flat, “Brother mine!” making them all laugh. “Just wondering if I’d be seeing you before you head home tomorrow? I know you’re both grossly in love, but spare five minutes for your favourite sibling?” Charlie pleaded.

Steve could practically hear the puppy dog eyes and tried to focus on that because if he thought too much about spending a night without Eddie, or about going home, he thought he might just sit in a ball and bawl like a baby.

“I’m performing tonight,” Charlie announced flirtatiously, “Come down, you can finally meet Riley,” they added, and even Steve could hear how they were trying not to make it sound like a big deal and how much it obviously was a big deal that Eddie met his sibling's partner or at least partner to be. “Bring the spouses, of course!” Charlie tacked on, and it was impressive how they sounded simultaneously like it was obvious that they should be there but needed to use a faux exasperation to make sure they knew their partners were welcome.

Steve thought it must’ve been tough while they’d both been with Carver’s, he doubted either of them had been very warm to or accepting of Charlie; he wondered absently if that was one of the reasons Charlie had upped and moved across the country, hoped maybe he’d get a chance to ask.

It sounded like they were about to hang up when the phone crackled, “Oh,” Charlie yelled like they’d forgotten something, “You better have proposed, Teddy, or I’m doing it for you! If I have to tell you again how in love with you, he is, I might hurl,” Charlie really did sound exasperated that time and Steve wondered just how many pep talks Eddie had needed. The couple smiled at each other across the space until Eddie blushed and looked away as Charlie signed off, “Okay, love you both. Kisses.” Beep.

It was a lot of emotions for a message that lasted less than a minute. For as much as it had ended on a high, Steve couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his chest. He knew they were leaving, he and Robin were heading home themselves the day after, but the thought of actually going home terrified him because what if things weren’t the same? What if they went home and fell out of love as fast as they’d fallen in?

What if Eddie had only fallen for him because of some kind of Nevada magic? And whatever had put Eddie under its spell had only ever intended for them to be a holiday romance.

Or worse, what if Eddie did love him but something awful happened? What if he never saw Eddie again?

Steve could feel his breaths quickening and Eddie appearing at his side seemingly out of nowhere, made him jump out of his skin as Eddie lightly grazed his arm, but as Steve glanced up into those coffee ringed depths, so full of love and concern, Steve felt awful for even allowing those thoughts in. He knew Eddie loved him and even if there ever came a time when he didn’t, well, they could cross that bridge when they came to it.

Eddie pressed a grounding palm against his forearm, slipping his hand up to hold onto Steve’s elbow, tugging him gently but purposefully into his embrace, pressing their foreheads together, feeling all at once a comfort and a promise.

Robin declared loudly that her and Chrissy were going out to eat and that they’d be back later, offered for them to join without actually giving them the opportunity to agree, making them chuckle, and dragged a giggling Chrissy out of the suite. When he opened his eyes to thank her and tears dripped down his cheeks, she just smiled tightly and nodded, pulling the door gently closed behind her.

They both sniffled and kissed the tears off of each others faces, pulling closer, holding tighter, and Steve felt comfort in that knowledge that Eddie didn’t want to leave him as much as he didn’t want to leave Eddie. They kissed desperately, tugging hair and grasping waists and shoulders, never being able to keep their hands still.

Somehow they gravitated toward the sofa, Eddie flopping gracelessly down into the cushions, and it was only as he tugged on Steve’s hand for him to follow that it even registered in his consciousness.

It was only then that it hit him that this was probably going to be the last time they’d get to be together, completely sober, before they left Vegas, and the thought of it just being a quick thing on the couch made his stomach turn. He wanted the chance to worship every inch of Eddie, to map his body like a lost pirate, and have the memory of it, just in case.

Steve shook his head gently and watched Eddie spring to his feet before he even had chance to speak around the lump forming in his throat, “What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, hands hovering over Steve, wanting to touch but unsure he was allowed.

He swallowed hard, shook his head again, “Nothing’s wrong,” he whispered, taking Eddie’s hands in his and kissing along his knuckles, then up his hand and along his wrist.

Eddie pulled his arm away before Steve had chance to get any further, “Stevie,” he breathed, concern pulling his brows together.

Pulling their hands back between them, Steve looked deeply into Eddie’s eyes and whispered, “Take me to bed, baby. Please.” It came out whiny, but Steve couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when Eddie let go of one of his hands to cup his jaw and brush his thumb over his cheek.

Not when he nodded and whispered “Okay,” not when he smiled like that and started slinking backwards towards the bedroom, tugging Steve along after him.

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#okay i'm gonna stop editting this now and just let you have it #mainly bc i'm five minutes from deleting the whole thing #sorry it sucks #here i go again!! projecting onto eddie this time #sorry for making them suffer again i know i promised i'd stop but apparently this is just who i am now #grammar fuck ups and tense changes everywhere #steddie vegas au #steddie au #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #platonic stobin #platonic hellcheer #background buckingham #steve's pov #aj writes

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