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transinclusionary · 8 months

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Were you the person cosplaying as a transwoman when you are AFAB? Because that's just sick af. I've seen post circulate around you - I just came here because I recently followed you ... and .. now .. Idk ..

I used to used to refrain from confirming my gender with anybody, due to how uncomfortable I was about my gender being a talking point online. I have always struggled with my gender identity. The idea of people focusing more on what's under my clothes instead of the content of my character really bothered me. I believed that since people often call out racism without people assuming they belong to the group they're advocating for, that I could do the same for transphobia. Oppression is not comparable, however, and I realized that this did not work for these discussions. If I am to effectively advocate against terfs and for trans people, I then need to use my privilege as being cis passing in discussions. I don't really love people online knowing my gender, because I dont really know my gender either. But this feeling is the exact same thing trans women constantly go through: the feeling that their gender is constantly subjected to ridicule by any random you encounter, both online and IRL.

I have never said that I was a trans women, merely deflected whenever someone asked me about it. In retrospect, it was a selfish thing to do that I definitely regret. I started this blog as a teenager and it's aged with me to mid twenties. If I could, I would go back and re-do some interactions. The mistakes have been uncomfortable but necessary learning lessons for me. I learned I can not effectively advocate if I keep my gender a secret, because it means I refuse to do the same thing that trans people are expected to do.

I wish I could go back and state what my gender was when it mattered. I didnt know entirely how to classify myself, however, so I redirected any attempts to talk about my gender identity because I myself didnt want to think about it. I dont feel cis, but I also dont feel trans, so how can I tell someone what my identity is if I dont know it myself? However, since my gender identity will never be a trans woman, it wont hurt me to confirm with people as much.

I came to the conclusion that I can not have both my ambiguous gender identity and be a terfexclusionist. I chose to sacrifice the comfort of my ambiguous gender identity, in solidarity with trans people who are expected to disclose. Unfortunately, the world we live in is that we are representatives for our gender (which I think is bs). We all deserve to live as individuals and not spend our short lives worrying about how our life will influence the collective's public perception on others who share a gender identity. Unfortunately, this not how the world operates, especially not online as it pertains to trans people. You speak for members of your gender identity when you're anything other than cis, heterosexual, and endosex. Instead of selfishly denying the reality that trans people are forced to be model minorities, I instead adapted my advocacy to better fit this unfair aspect of life. If trans people are forced to cater to cis people's comforts for their safety, it should be up to cis passing people to (safely) show to cisendosex people that it's not just trans people who care about this. This is obviously a fine line, as you dont want to advocate in a way that might cause more violence than it helps. I'm still figuring out the best way to do that. I make mistakes, unfortunately I am not perfect nor will I ever be. But the mistakes help me learn who I want to be, and not starting this blog with everyone knowing my gender was one of those mistakes.

You're right, cosplaying as trans women is disgusting, I've seen it both IRL and online. It pushes trans people out of spaces designed for them, and that's something I would never want to do. However, my refusal to confirm my identity should not mean people just assume I'm a trans woman. I do not believe trans people should exclusively be expected to call out terfs. It means that cisendo people are not doing their jobs as allies to use their priviledge to call out bigotry.

I never started this blog thinking anyone would actually follow me or even have opinions about me. I definitely did not think "terfexclusionist" or "transinclusionary" would be followed by anyone other than my best friend. This blog initially started because of my (admittedly) unhealthy anger about the absolute refusal of terfs to admit that they are doing is wrong. To this day, the rhetoric that terfs spew almost brings me to tears of frustration. The LGB community makes me want to pull out my hair and scream. This is why I often take extended breaks from this blog. I still probably can develop a healthier way to cope with the anger. I want to do something to help this epidemic, but I'm just one person. I just want to do the right thing, but it is often unclear about what is the right thing to do. This is why I appreciate having my followers give me feedback, both positive and negative, as it allows me to introspect.

If you want to remain followed, that's fine, but do not feel pressured to. Life is way too short to continue following someone you dont feel comfortable with. I am always open to any suggestions, criticisms, and concerns by both anon and DM. This goes for both you, anon, and any other of my followers. Please never hesitate to reach out. I appreciate you (and all my follower) for caring about doing the right thing and keeping me on the straight and narrow. Have a good day.

#also jsyk im not at all comfortable with being referred to as AFAB #im absolutely certain you were wanting to be as inclusive with your language but i dont like being called that #especially when someone is criticizing me #to me it is just a nicer way of saying 'you have a vagina' which makes me want to retreat into a hole and die #it's the same as AMAB #please use these terms sparingly #and not at all when you're referring to me #i have a similar relationship with poc where i think it's a nicer way of saying 'colored person' since im descendant of american slaves #i should definitely put it somewhere visible on my blog to please refrain from AMAB AFAB and POC when talking to me #people have been very understanding to me about me accidentally forgetting to tag q slur reclaimed and i really want to continue that #not mad at all!#this is jsyk #ask answered #radfem mention #terf mention #radfem tw #terf tw #cissexism tw #cissexism mention #q slur mention #transmisogyny mention #transmisogyny tw #transphobia tw #transphobia mention #this post literally took an hour and a half to type because my phone died half way through and i had to retype #🥴

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multi-lefaiye · 2 years

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so,,, tftgs,,, speak your thoughts,,,

hi i apologize, you sent me this ask over a week ago, ty for the interest in my thoughts about my silly little blorbos <3

so i'm gonna take this opportunity to summarize my Jack Townsend Is Trans of Gender Manifesto, which is a character study i've been writing on and off for a few months now talking about jack's transness. because i've decided he's trans and no one can take that from me <3

under the cut, i'm gonna give a quick summary of each chapter in my outline. also, as a disclaimer, the intent here isn't to prove that jack is trans or anything--while there are things in the series that make me think he is, i wanted this to be more of an exploration of the idea than anything.

also, some of this operates very heavily on my headcanons and slight AUs of the series, but my thoughts about how his transness would come into play in his life still stand.

anyway let's go <3 this got really fucking long

(content warnings: mentions of child abuse, transphobia, racism, and cults--none of these are discussed in detail but all of them are mentioned/referenced so please tread lightly!! there are also some mentions of romance if that bothers anyone, but those are also minor)

Chapter One: Spencer Middleton

so before i get into this chapter, i have to establish my general headcanons/little AU centering around the idea of jack and spencer being childhood friends. i decided to take that into account for here, because i love the potential drama and angst that adds to their relationship in canon. essentially, i love the idea that spencer and jack both come from very unhealthy households and gravitate towards each other as two abused kids looking for someone who understood.

i'm not gonna go into all my thoughts about spencer and jack's backgrounds here, but for a long time, they were each the only ones the other really felt they could trust. most of the adults in their lives consistently failed them, and while they weren't the ONLY kids in their grade being abused (as that is an unfortunately common occurrence in that town), they found friendship in each other and became protective of each other.

as a result, spencer is the first person who knew about jack being trans. at the time, jack didn't fully understand his feelings or any of the quote-unquote "right" terminology. all he knew was that he wasn't a girl, and he didn't know what to do about it, nor that being trans wasn't something that was accepted in their shitty small town.

one day, after jack stole some of his foster brother's clothes so he could dress like a boy, he just ended up blurting to spencer that he doesn't think he's a girl. and, at first, spencer was certainly confused, but he wasn't upset. he didn't really react at all, which wasn't unusual--spencer had never been a very outwardly emotional person, and jack didn't mind. really, spencer being casual about it actually helped a lot with his confidence, because it reassured him more than anything else that there wasn't anything wrong with feeling that way.

as they got older, spencer and jack began to grow apart, but spencer never once disrespected jack's gender in that time or outed him without his wishes. once jack began to socially transition, even long after they stopped talking, spencer was very respectful the few times they did interact. essentially, spencer was a good ally and a good friend, and even long after he and jack stopped being friends, he never used that moment of vulnerability against jack.

because spencer middleton sucks so much, but he's not THAT bad.

Chapter Two: Sabine

during middle school, jack befriends a girl named sabine, and the two quickly become close. sabine is jack's only real friend in the world once he and spencer stop talking, and so naturally, she's the next person he comes out to. and sabine IMMEDIATELY becomes a huge supporter of jack and helps him change his name and gender marker legally.

i do want to say, in the sabine chapter i'm very much leaning into the fact that the town where tftgs takes place is weird as hell, as a way to explain how jack would be able to transition without facing a lot of backlash or it being mentioned. and because i genuinely think that a townsperson suddenly changing their name and gender is far from the weirdest thing to happen in town.

jack never really finds out exactly how sabine is able to accomplish it, but in high school, she helps him socially transition and get all of his paperwork in order, to the point that the town kinda just... forgets that jack was ever any different than he is now. essentially, my idea for jack being trans is that he is living 100% stealth--ultimately, that's the safest option for him, and he does believe he lucked out in more ways than one because he does pass as a cis guy very easily even before he starts to medically transition in his 20s.

in high school, jack and sabine start dating, and she's his biggest and loudest supporter. while she would never out him as trans, as doing so would be genuinely unsafe, she was very openly proud of her boyfriend. and also it's important to me that you know that i headcanon sabine as being significantly taller than jack. he's her short king <3

unfortunately, though, like many good things in jack's life, his relationship with sabine doesn't last. things end the way they did in canon, with sabine in a coma. jack never gets the chance to really thank her for anything she helped him with or did for him.

Chapter Three: Deputy Tom

okay so this is the one i really wanted to talk about. the deputy tom chapter, rather than going over a specific time period in jack's life, focuses on one conversation he had with tom during a time they were both alone in the gas station.

deputy tom was one of the only people who actually knew about jack being trans, or at least one of the few who seemed to remember that. for the most part, though, he never really mentions it or treats jack any differently. he is a bit protective of jack, though, and eventually he explains why to him, a few weeks before his (tom's) death.

essentially this chapter is me wanting to explore tom as a queer character as well. i don't think he would use specific labels for himself for the most part, but as an older queer man in a shitty small town, he feels partially responsible for helping the next generation of queer people thrive. he talks to jack about things, and like... jack doesn't exactly open up to tom, but tom talks to jack about his life and some of his experiences.

tom's intent here is to give jack advice. he knows jack has been doing pretty well for himself, all things considered, but he wants to make sure the poor kid's gonna be okay once tom isn't there anymore. i will say, tom doesn't know at this point that he's going to die, but he knows he's getting older and he just wants to make sure that the man he views as a son is gonna be alright without him.

i also had the thought earlier today that tom could also be trans and living stealth, and that could be something for him and jack to connect on.

essentially i have a lot of strong feelings about queer elders being there for younger queer people, and that's what the tom chapter is.

Chapter Four: Vanessa Riggin

the vanessa chapter is a bit shorter, but it's kind of a reverse on the tom chapter in which jack is now the older queer person for a younger queer person to look up to. because yeah vanessa is also trans <3

initially, jack doesn't intend to tell vanessa that he's trans. it's not really anyone's business after all, and he knows by now that it's safer for him to keep that to himself and let people just assume he's cis. however, one day while he's working with vanessa, she actually comes out to HIM.

jack is a little caught off guard, and vanessa starts talking about trouble she's been having and essentially like... seeking jack out for advice. and when jack asks her why she's telling him, she says that he's just... someone she feels like she can trust. he's touched, and he's abruptly reminded of the conversation he had with tom some time before.

cue jack and vanessa having a hushed, kinda sweet conversation about gender and sexuality, and like. jack isn't that much older than vanessa by any means, but he feels like an older brother figure in that moment, and it feels good to pass on tom's advice. he just hopes that vanessa is going to be okay.

Chapter Five: Jerry Pascal

jack ends up coming out to jerry a couple of months into knowing him, because he figures out rather quickly that jerry is someone he can trust in that regard. jerry's never subtle about his own gender fuckery, but he also never pushed jack to come out (even though he did suspect jack may not be cis).

at first, jerry doesn't really react, which jack once again honestly appreciates. because at heart, jack doesn't want people to make a big deal about him being trans, even if they're doing so in support. it's just not who he is personally, and i know i keep reiterating this but it's also much safer for him that way.

things continue as normal for the next few weeks, and jack ends up actually kinda thinking that like... jerry might not have fully registered jack coming out to him. which is a very real possibility, all things considered, and a part of jack is actually a little disappointed, which surprises him. because this is a very deeply personal thing about him, and since jerry is one of his only real friends now, he'd hope it'd be important to him, too.

eventually, though, and i haven't worked out all the exact details of it, jerry and jack have another conversation about it. they talk about their different approaches to their queerness, with jerry being very openly queer regardless of the consequences and jack being queer very much on the down-low. neither holds any judgment for the other in that regard, they just share their different perspectives.

i also want to explore a bit about how i think queerness was handled among mathmetists (the cult jerry was part of), which i don't quite know how to put into words yet but... trust me... i have thoughts.

of course, it's not a completely mature conversation, as jerry can't help but be very jerry-ish as they talk, but it's a good talk for both of them. they're best bros no matter what, after all. (and also more than a little gay, let's be real)

Chapter Six: Amelia O'Brien

this is another kinda shorter chapter, focusing on a specific interaction between the two characters rather than a larger look at their relationship.

anyway, jack comes out to o'brien as trans almost entirely by accident. it happens one day while she's giving him a ride to work after his leg injury and the death of deputy arnold, and essentially like. jack is so nervous around her, because he thinks she doesn't like him, that he ends up rambling about whatever he can think of. and, on this particular day, he ends up blurting that he's trans.

once he registers what he said, jack panics, as even though amelia isn't a native to the town, he has no way of knowing at that point if she's someone he can safely come out to. plus, there is the element of her being a cop--while jack has had some good experiences with individual officers (like deputy tom), as a whole he knows better than to trust them.

amelia pulls over so they can talk, and she manages to calm him down quickly enough. however, for a bit it's a pretty fuckin' tense conversation, to put it lightly. once he's calm, she tells him that it's fine, and she's not going to tell anyone else. and though she may not be able to relate to his exact experiences, she does understand--after all, very few people know she's a lesbian.

what follows is another conversation about their different approaches to and experiences with their queerness, focusing on the fact that both of them are very much stealth and are very careful about who they come out to (most of the time at least).

i also want to explore in this chapter a bit of the animosity that exists within the queer community, not between these two necessarily but through some of amelia's personal experiences. as a non-binary lesbian of color, she's certainly seen some shit.

(to clarify, i don't want to write amelia's experiences as the definitive experience of women of color (especially black women) in the community, because it's not my place to do that for several reasons, but i also don't want to pretend that her race wouldn't come up at all. the books don't shy away from some of the racism amelia experiences, and i don't want to either. however, i do want to be respectful as a white author and not speak over anyone, so if/when i do get to writing this chapter i will do my due diligence to research and speak to people of color in the community who are comfortable discussing their experiences in that regard.)

i also am gonna keep in mind the fact that amelia is a cop, though i won't frame the issue as "people are so mean to cops in the community for no reason :(" b/c no <3 and instead just... try to earnestly explore amelia o'brien as a character.

anyway, the chapter ends with jack and amelia kinda coming to an understanding with each other. if nothing else, they can commiserate a little about how fucking awful this shitty little small town is, even if the reasons they're both treated badly are very different.

Chapter Seven: Rosa Vasquez

okay this chapter might be the shortest one, but it's one that i feel passionate about and have a lot of feelings about. essentially, this one explores the fact that (at least in my headcanon) rosa is also trans.

rosa and jack clock each other as trans pretty quickly, but they each assume that the other has good reasons for not saying anything about it, so it takes a while for them to say anything to each other. for a while, they enjoy kind of a quiet solidarity with each other--it's a pretty big driving force behind their friendship early on. (not to say that they're only friends b/c they have this in common, but it's something they relate to each other on.)

eventually, it does come up, and rosa and jack have a conversation about it as well. essentially, whereas the last chapter discusses some of the unfortunate animosity within the community, this one focuses a lot more on uplifting each other and finding common ground even through different experiences.

plus mtf/ftm trans solidarity means so so fucking much to me, and i just think it'd be very sweet for these two to have this big thing that they can relate to each other about.

Chapter Eight: Antonio

aaaand we are finally at the end of the journey. so, this chapter is also very heavily an AU, taking place in a timeline where antonio never died. because i think if antonio had survived, then jack would have eventually come out to him, but as it stands antonio probably would've died without knowing.

but i love antonio so dearly so i'm writing about him <3 he gets to live <3

essentially, jack decided that antonio is one person he is never, ever, ever going to come out to as trans. not because he thinks antonio would react badly or be unsafe to tell about that, but... well, at this point, antonio lost all of jack's trust. jack doesn't want to share something so deeply personal with someone he doesn't feel like he can trust or be close to, even if he doesn't think he'll necessarily be in any danger as a result.

antonio actually picked up on something a little Not Cisgender about jack at some point, or perhaps he had access to information about jack and knew beforehand. however, he never mentioned it, because this is one thing he would never want to hold over someone's head. still, after everything with the dark god goes down, he wants to prove to jack that he's someone jack can trust.

for a few weeks, antonio tries to find ways to subtly show jack that he's someone who can be trusted. not necessarily with that, but just in general. eventually, jack calls him on it, and the two have the conversation that is the focus of this chapter.

and here's where we talk about antonio being gay, and similar to amelia, he and jack have a conversation about different experiences with the community as a whole. trust is a big theme here, and antonio is honest about the fact that he already knew. however, he never said anything to anyone, because it's not his secret to tell.

one thing i also want to do in this chapter is plant seeds for a later thing i want to write about antonio in this AU realizing his own non-binary-ness. because no one at this gas station is cis <3

the chapter ends with jack and antonio not necessarily rekindling their friendship, but coming to an understanding with each other.

#talk to the bunnykitty #tales from the gas station #corvid!!!#long post #am i nervous to post this? yes. yes i am.#but i wanna share it #and if any of y'all are interested i hope you enjoy it!!!#and if any of y'all have Thoughts on any of this.... pls send them my way #even if you're not necessarily familiar with the series

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askteacupfollie · 2 years

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Hello! Sooo i just read a coment about one thing and i dunno if you would like to answer but, what’s that about the religious trauma?? Did something happend in the past with it?? And also how’s everything?? You doing good??

(Btw; your art is amazing and so does the story, keep going like this!!❤️❤️)

Mod- Oh yeah! Sure I'll talk about it! But is a LONG one so I'll put it under the cut. (TLDR religion is the reason I hate myself) I'm happy you like my art and story! I hope I can keep it to everyone's standers!

It's really a mix of how I was raised and body dysphoria. I was raised as a Baptist Christian as well as a girl for all of my childhood. Growing up I was always told that God had a plan for me and that he loves me unconditionally. I did not have the best childhood btw, at a very young age I was constantly introduced to being poor, racism, capitalism, generational depression, mental illness, learning disabilities going untreated, horrific gender roles from the 80's and 90's, and death. I knew about death and its toll on people before I even knew my own birthday. But my father always made sure that I knew that this was God's plan for me, all of these bad things we're going help me somehow in the future. It never made sense to me but my dad was there and that's all I really needed to be comforted.

Then in 2012 I lost my father. We were so close and so much alike. My dad was on disability check and couldn't work due to his health so when I was born he practically raised me. He was the only one to notice that I wasn't a "normal" little girl and embraced my boyish nature. He bought me boy clothes, let me play in the mud, be roughty, and he was the only person who knew on how I thought. He encouraged my artistic wants of learning to draw and paint as well as my need to understand how the world worked scientifically. He was my best friend. When he died I was so taken aback. The only person who knew the actual me was gone.

As he was being buried I burst into tears, not for the lost but at the not understanding why. Why was he gone? Why had God taken him from me? I was only 15, two months from going into high school, this was THE time I would need someone who new how I worked to teach me how to express emotions right, how to keep on task for homework, someone to help with projects, ideas, and just plain someone to talk to. It never made sense. If god loved me, then why do all these bad horrible things keep happening to me and my family? Not even a few months later I lost all of my grandparents, several great uncles that I was close to, and several cats and kittens.

If god loved me, truly loved me, then why would he keep me in a continuous bought of pain and suffering? For the betterment of me? If its for the betterment of me then that means there must have been something wrong with me. That must mean god thinks who I am and who I was meant to be was wrong. And this is the punishment for it! But that didn't make sense either, because god was suppose to love me unconditionally. Even if I was "wrong". This thinking brought up the conclusions that either there is no god, or I deserved all of this punishment, I was the reason my family was suffering, I was the reason god took away my father.

And so I lived with this thought all throughout my teen years and my early 20's. I lived though the punishment because it was what I deserved. I deserved to live unhappy, to be stalked, to be treated as an object, to be ignored, to be sick, to be failing my classes... to be raped... I lived with this trauma my whole life until almost 4 years now, when I realized I was a man. My therapist told me bad things just happen sometimes. Even to good people. My therapist helped me realize that I was not a bad person, I did not deserve these horrible things happening to me nor was it my fault. I am a good person that unfortunate thing happen to.

I'm doing much better now, I got my depression under control, I'm taking hormone treatments, and I'm gaining friends who see and notice me. As for my religious view on things I have 3 views on it now.

1- There is no god and we are just here to be here. 2- Deism. 3- He's a sick bastard and to quote the innocent jewish people locked away in WW2 "If there is a god, he will have to beg for my forgiveness."

#tw religion #tw religious mention #sad backstory #long story #mod answers #mod vents

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emerald-echeveria-plant · 3 years

Text

Me to myself: Holy moly, when are you gonna stop creating treasure planet ocs?

Also me:

WARNING: mentions of murder, r*pe, miscarriage, racism, fighting, and torture.

Name:

Hatred

Actual Name:

Ailani Keahi Amore

Name pronunciation:

Ai-lan-i Kea-hi A-more

Personality:

hateful, spiteful, ambitious, unforgiving, stern, delusional, & hot-headed

Age:

Five hundred years old

Species:

Amoretian

Ethnicity:

Half Polynesian Half European

Gender:

Female

Pronouns:

She/her

Sexuality:

Asexual - Aromantic

Height:

6'9

Weight:

150

Looks:

Backstory:

(it's very long so prepare yourself for a looong read)

Many years ago, a girl by the name of Ailani was born on the planet Amoretia. Her father the prince of Amoretia and her mother a witch. Ailani was the product of an affair between the two. You see, her father was supposed to marry the neighboring princess that would end a war between both planets. Not wanting his affair to be discovered, he ordered an executioner to kill Ailani and her mother. With one chop of the axe came off her mother's head. As for Ailani. She was thrown in a river to drown. Fortunately, a local priest noticed the child being thrown. In an act of mercy, they pulled the poor thing out. Thinking that whoever throw them away must of not wanted the baby. So, the priest took in the small thing and had her raised by the nuns. They decided to give her the name Ailani. For the next fifteen years, Ailani was raised in a church by the nuns. They taught her how to read and write. Act like a proper lady. And had all the bible verses engraved into her mind. Ailani wasn't exactly raised in the most nurturing and loving place. The nuns didn't really raise Ailani as their own. They treated her fairly but it was obviously they didn't really like her. Reason why? They were massive racists. They didn't like her for her skin color so she was often met with abuse and bullying. They'd harshly critique her, push her down a flight of stairs, or straight up bully her. Regardless, Ailani kept her head up high. Being taught that revenge and wrath were sins. That she should love her enemy, no matter how hard they hurted her feelings.. or physically hurted her. Ailani would try to hide her anger but it was obvious that there cruelty was bothering her. Not wanting to commit the sin of wrath against the others, she decided to take her anger out on the forest. She'd spend hours during the night, punching trees. Often muttering to herself about her mistreatment. Sometimes, she'd end up breaking a few of the trees. It escalated from trees, to boulders, and a few times, beast's that would roam the forest. Of course, Ailani could never bring herself to killing the beast. So she'd up letting them go. Ailani ended up becoming physical stronger because of what she wad doing. Some of the civilians noticed this as whenever she wanted to do a simple task, like opening a door, she would accidentally break it off its hinges. Ailani would apologize right afterwards and try to fix it.

One day while attending church, a couple of theives came in, trying to rob the people attending. Ailani was not going to stand by and watch the people get their goods taken away from them. In an act of heroism, Ailani decided fight against the thieves. They laughed in her face and mocked her on how "a tiny little nun was gonna take down four men twice her size." They underestimated the fact that underneath that nun outfit was JACKED woman getting ready to knock their lights out. It took less than a few minutes for the four theives to beg for her to stop. Ailani told them to repent their ways before they were taken away to jail. Unfortunately, what happened right afterwards was Ailani getting kicked out of the church for "acting like a deranged hooligan." It was an obvious excuse for them just to kick her out but Ailani didn't seem to notice that. She was broken by this but instead of lashing out at them, she thanked them for having her there and wished them all well. Ailani moved away from her small village to seek work elsewhere.

As she was looking for work in the city, Quartzville, she stumbled across another problem. A pirates were invading the city as an act of revenge towards the king. Just as Ailani was going to leave to avoid further escalation, two wannabe "heros" came out to protect the citizens. One being a red haired young man by the name of "Sevi" and the other a valiante woman by the name of "Maribelle". They looked to be around Ailani age but clearly weren't as mature. The two tried to fight them off but embarrassingly failed. Ailani, not wanting to view their failure any longer, tried to leave once more. What stopped her was seeing the captain of the crew, stealing a toy away from a little girl then mocking her sadness. Angered by this, Ailani told the captain to knock it off. He mocked her as well which resulted in Ailani fighting him. She almost lost but by some sheer luck, managed to get in the final punch in, knocking him out. The royal guards arrived just on time in order to arrest the entire pirate crew. Some escaped but the majority weren't so lucky. Meanwhile, Ailani was cleaning the blood dropping down her nose when one of the wannabe heros walked up to her. It was Sevi. He seemed rather impressed by her strength. He introduced himself to her and asked if she would like to be apart of their hero group. Which only consisted of Sevi and Maribelle. Ailani wasn't sure if she should. She didn't know if in the eyes of God if this was the right thing to do. She has already been kicked out of her previous church for fighting and already felt guilty for committing another "sin". Sevi, realizing she was a religious person, decided to manipulate her by using her religion. Saying that "of course god would appreciate you for doing this" and that "you'll be just like all those heroes in the fairytal- I mean stories."

After being "convinced" it would be a virtuous act in the eyes of god, Ailani agreed to being apart of their group.

For the next few months, the trio would fight crimes and put criminals in jail. They were praised for their acts of heroism by the people of Amoretia. They'd often be gifted things like money, clothes, and alcohol. Mostly it'd be Maribelle and Sevi partaking in the gifts. Ailani on the other hand not so much. She didn't want compensation for her help, believing that it was wrong of her to get something in return. Strangely, Ailani would oftenly be the one doing most of the work. Sevi would often to get distracted trying to show off and Maribelle would let her anger get the best of her. Ailani would just get straight to the point. Shed be the one favored the most out of the three of them. Ailani didn't care that she was more liked, she's doing her job. Meanwhile, Sevi was growing jealous of the favoritism she was facing. Maribelle, could care less. She only wanted alcohol after all.

Sevi would make it obvious he was jealous towards Ailani. Ailani being kind-hearted would try to make him feel better. This would work sometimes but most of the time he'd brush her off. Ailani still persisted in making him happy. Secretly, Ailani had feelings for Sevi. She thought he was attractive, smart, and charismatic. This was the first person she was ever in love with. Someone she felt that understood her as a person. Ailani often felt that it was her fault for his unhappiness, so she tried to make him happy in any way she could. Realizing that Ailani would do anything for him, Sevi had some rather interesting thoughts he could do with her... Such as making her risk her life to get him things, convince the public that he deserves all the credit for their victories, and had her do some inappropriate favors for him. Ailani didn't care how stressful his tasks were. If it made him happy, she was happy. They ended up getting into a relationship when Sevi thought she was "good enough" for him. Ailani was enthralled with their relationship, finally getting to be with her one true love. She believed that they were meant to be.

Although their relationship came crashing down, when the trio went to a party at the king's castle. Their they met the king, the queen, and the princess, Angelina Amore. Angelina was a beautiful pink haired maiden with a bubbly attitude. Albeit she was incredibly spoiled, many men still wanted to marry her. One of those men being Sevi. It wasn't purely out of love but more out of wanting to be king. He immediately asked for the king for his daughters hand in marriage. The king turned him down, not wanting his daughter to marry a peasant. Although, he quickly reiterated his answer when seeing Ailani at the party. He couldn't believe it with his own eyes. Was that his daughter?? The same child he requested to be killed many years ago?? Alive? No. It couldn't be. After processing what he saw. He thought to himself that she shouldn't be kept alive. His reasoning being what if she revealed that he cheated on his wife? The resembles of her looking like him was far too much. He could be kicked from his throne if the people of Amoretia found out. Amoretians don't take cheating on your spouse very lightly... Deciding she shouldn't be kept alive. Yet the people loved her so much. Her disappearnce would obviously go under investigation... The king decided to make a deal with Sevi. If he got rid of Ailani, he could marry Angelina as a reward. Sevi agreed to the deal.

After the party, the king let the three heros stay in his castle for the night. As they all went to sleep, Sevi snuck out from his room and went to the servants room. He proceeded to slit their throats, killing them in their sleep. Sevi then went to Ailani room where he placed the knife he used in her bed. He proceeded to covered her hands in blood as well as the sheets. In the morning, the queen screamed at the sight of her servant staff lifeless bodies. Immediately, people started questioning who committed such a horrible crime. Then Ailani came out of her room, covered in blood. Seeing the blood, the queen blamed her for what happened. She wanted Ailani to be executed for her crimes. Ailani tried to reason with the queen, pleading that she was innocent. She even tried to have Sevi to convince her that it wasn't true. Sevi, turned his back on her and said she must have done it. The king stepped in between the two women, trying to calm both down. Albeit, the evidence was too far stacked against Ailani. The king sentenced her to life in prison on the planet Xevari. She was then dragged away by the guards and put on a ship where she'd be shipped off to Xevari. Xevari was one of the worst planets to be on. The entire planet was dedicated to being a prison for the worst possible inmates, who've committed the worst crimes. The guards would often treat the inmate like dirt. Some inmates were violently killed and there bodies were never found again. Fights would happen everyday over the smallest issues. It was quite literally a hell on Earth... As soon as Ailani arrived, she was treated no different than the other inmates. Even though she was on the worst planet in the eitherium, Ailani tried to be kind and thoughtful towards everyone. This only made the inmates and guards despise her. Ailani would be picked on by everyone in the jail. Didn't matter if they were a low ranking officer or a the biggest guy in courtyard. Ailani would be treated awful. Yet, she still persisted in being kind. One day a new inmate arrived. A special type of inmate was put in the prison. The inmate was a large hell beast of dragon with a skeletal appearance. It killed anything in it's path for killing was all that it knew. Ailani took interest in the creature. One night, she visited it. What she saw was the dragon with several scars and a spear piercing one of its wings. Ailani felt pity for it and immediately tried to help it. The dragon tried to attack her but after realizing she was helping him, stopped to let her pull it out. After that incident, Ailani formed a bond with the creature because they shared similar experiences. They were both tormented by the inmates and guards. There was unfortunately nothing that they could do about it. Ailani wasn't as strong and the dragon was chained down. But they had each other. Ailani decided to call the beast "Carrion". A play ok words as he seemed to always "carry on living". The dragon didn't understand puns buy none the less took the name regardless. The guards noticed her befriending the hell beast and decided that they weren't going to let her have a simple slice of happiness within this jail.

The guards decided to punish her by throwing her into a room with all the deranged lunatics. Saying, "try being kind to these crazies" before chuckling and walking off. What happened next was Ailani getting forced on by all the men in the room. It was a horrible experience and one that would finally be the breaking point for her. Once they were done with her, she was left in an emotional state. Hyperventilating and crying. Ailani questioned how she got herself into this situation. Why would god curse her to suffer through this fate? What did she do wrong? After questioning herself, Ailani was dragged back into her cell. Where another guard proceeded to rape her. The following days, Ailani would be in a state of shock over what happened. She had thoughts running through her mind still questioning her own religion and actions. Ailani hadn't realized this but she was pregnant at the time from being raped. She unfortunately went through an incredibly painful miscarriage in her cell. No one came to help her or take her to a doctor. While having a psychotic breakdown, Ailani finally came to the conclusion to all the roots of her problems. Love. Love was the reason why she was here... She has her love to the wrong people, she loved the wrong person, she loved... In that very moment, Ailani became a hateful person. She wanted revenge and she was going to get it. Ailani silently made plans on how she could escape from the prison. She went with the best possible outcome. When the guards weren't watching, Ailani took the pair of keys they had in their pocket. She unlocked herself from cell and immediately headed towards Carrion's cell. Ailani freed him from his chains. What followed next was mayhem. Carrion destroyed and killed multiple people as him and Ailani made their escape. No one could seem to stop the beast so they best thing to do was run... Eventually, they got off of Xevari with Carrion flying away while Ailani was on his back. Ailani told Carrion to go to the planet Amoretia. She promised him that there was plenty of victims to eat if he listened to her. That same day they were arriving to the planet was the day Sevi was marrying Angelina. The spoiled princess finally agreed to marry him after some persuasion from her parents. Just as Angelina was walking down the aisle to her new husband, Carrion flew down and devoured the princess. Carrion blew his acidic fire breath towards all the guests as Ailani went for the king and queen. She blamed them for her issues and wanted to kill them both. With one chop from an axe came off the queens head. The king desperately pleaded with Ailani to not kill him. He even said that he was her father in a last attempt to save himself. That only fueled Ailani's anger even more. She chopped off all his limbs and went for his head last. As for Sevi, he met the same fate as Angelina. Albeit more gruesome. Carrion tore the tiny man apart before eating him as well. Amoretia became disarray. All the royals were now dead. Who would take charge next..? Unfortunately it would be whoever was the last blood relative... Ailani.

No one wanted her to rule seeing as how she was responsible for their deaths in the first place. But they had to bow to her... You see only blood relatives could be in charge of Amoretia for they could yield the magical staff that protects Amoretia. Passed from the older generations, the staff was entrusted to the future generations to protect Amoretia. To use it's magic to help others in need. Ailani now knowing of this power, took it for herself. The staff dramatically changed from it's colors of white, red, and pink to black and red. Instead of using its power for good... She used it to torture others and make them suffer. Ailani changed her name once she got a hold of the staff... She changed it to Hatred. For that was the only feeling she could feel now. Hatred made it clear that she was the eitherium's savior and it needed a deep cleansing to get rid of love. She blamed love for all the problems that exist. Saying love was an unnatural feeling, a disease of sorts that plagued ones mind. Hatred was going to get rid of all love. In any way she could, no matter how hard it took.

Her tyranny started with her forcing her new ideology on the people of Amoretia. The people tried revolting against her but with the help of her new staff and her pet, Carrion, they were silenced into submission. She managed to "cleanse" Amoretia by getting rid of all love. Hatred went from Amoretia to neighboring planets in order to "cleanse" them as well. Multiple planets faced the same fate as Amoretia. Becoming incredibly miserable to live in. A war started between Hatred against the entire eitherium. No one wanted to believe this insane woman's ideology and they certainly weren't going to submit to her either without a fight. So the war went on, with both sides facing multiple casualties. Hatred went on with an ironfist, refusing to give up. She'd often take kidnapped soldiers and torture them back on Amoretia. Pictures of the soldier's mutaliated bodies surfaced with the intent of driving fear into her enemies hearts. Albeit as the war went on, she became very paranoid. She felt like someone was plotting to kill her. To stop her from cleansing the eitherium. She'd have frequent nightmares about it. Hatred refused to sleep or even eat anything in case it was poisoned. In order to ease her paranoia, she tried conducting a spell that would make her immortal... Hatred couldn't risk dying because she believed it was in her virtuous purpose to make all love disappear. After multiple months, she managed to make an elixir of immortality. She drank it which killed her minute but immediately brought her back to life. It caused her hair color to change to black and her eyes to a red hue. Now that she was immortality, there was absolutely nothing standing in her way. She conducted more spells so that her army could become stronger, faster, and easier to control. The armies against her, couldn't take it anymore. They were on the verge of giving up. It seemed like Hatred was going to win. The eitherium was going to become an utter hellhole from now on... Luckily, as Hatred planned her next attack, she was ambushed by enemy soldiers. Somehow they were able to kill Carrion and managed to get to her. Hatred didn't have her army with her and tried using her magic. Fortunately with there being more enemies against her, she was promptly knocked out and had her staff taken away from her. A couple of hours had passed and Hatred woke up with chains all around her. She was at the bottom of a well and above her were the leaders, looking down at her. They declared that this was her punishment for the crimes that she's committed. Hatred tried to argue that what she was doing was an act of good and that love was a true plague on the world. Not wanting to listen to her rambling anymore, the sealed up the well and left her there to rot..

The leaders of the other planets announced that Hatred was dead. They were lying but it was too keep the people safe and to not cause panic. Albeit, some rumors floated around saying that she wasn't actually dead.. perhaps she was still alive.. being kept somewhere.. and maybe... Just maybe.. she was planning on returning one day.

Likes:

Torture, heavy metal, red wine, writing, and "enlightening" others

Dislikes:

Love, children, making fun of her ideology, and essentially everything/everyone else in the universe

Weaknesses:

Anger; her own anger is her weakness. While she's on a rampage, she'll be too angry to realize what's happening around her.

Easy to manipulate; hatred makes it obvious what her goals are which can be taken advantage of by others.

Harm; she may be immortal but she can still have harm inflicted on her.

Ambition; Hatred will do anything it takes to get to her goal of destroying all love

Strengths:

Physical strength; she's so strong she can break your arm like a bar of twix.

Strategy; is skilled in battle strategy to know how to attack her enemy

Immortal; unfortunately she can't really die.

Pets:

Has a large hell beast of a dragon by the name of Carrion. It's a skeletal dragon that can firebreath acidic fire. He likes to tear the bones from his victims and add it to his own body in order to make himself look more fearsome and bigger.

Weapons:

Magical staff; a staff that which can perform any type of magic. Currently being occupied by the Terran royal family.

Duel swords; two swords used for the purpose of harming others

Other:

As an initiation to join her army, soldiers have masks sewn onto their faces. In her ideology they were giving themselves a new purpose so they needed a new identity.

#welp the Treasure Planet universe just turned into silent hill #oc insert #tw: rape #tw: death #tw: murder #tw: mental illness #tw: torture #tw: mutilation #Hatred

9 notes · View notes

tipsydipsydo · 4 years

Text

Poolside Kisses 🍹[M]

Pairing: Jimin x chubby! poc! Reader

Gender of the reader: female

Word Count: 5.6k

Genre: Fluff and Smut

Warnings: mentions of insecurities; Jiminie and his jealousy (but at the end of the fic they're talking about that); Jiminie is horny as fuck; swearing; petnames; filthy language + filthy dirty talk; praising; body-worship; teasing; edging; begging; marking; thigh-riding and thigh-fucking(?); a little bit dom-/sub-themes; a bit of spanking and pussy exhibitionism; semi-public sex (can you count fucking in your friend's house as semi-public sex?); creampie; unprotected sex (stay safe please!); mentions of aftercare

A/N: Finally, I wrote something for chubby! Readers and for poc! Reader as well. The moodboard was ready for weeks but the fic wasn't... And now it got longer than expected!

The texting with my dear @h0esvck inspired me again to write this fic here, after we talked about cute and sexy bikinis for chubby girls and how the boys could react to these swimsuits! (I really love that bikini in the moodboard💕)

Summary: Jimin said, you should pack a swimsuit into your suitcase when you're going to visit him in Korea. You thought, you'll go bathing somewhere privately, maybe just with the boys or so... and not going to a pool party of one of Jimin's Idol friends where you'll not know anybody! Since then you hate yourself that you only brought your new bikini to Korea that reveals more of your bare skin that you're used to...

Note: It's proofread but I'm sorry when there are still some typos

Links:

My Imagines for your requests

My official Masterlist

And as always, everyone can read the fic who's interested in it 🤗💖 Enjoy!

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Since ten minutes you've been staring at the bikini that is spread out on the bed in front of you. You try to come to a solution for the problem that has been bothering you since this morning.

When Jimin said a week ago that you should pack swimwear for your visit in Korea, you already had been a little suspicious and unsettled.

But you couldn't imagine anything else than maybe going with him and the other members to a privately rented pool. Or maybe going to a beach with them, where nobody knows them anyway, so that they don't get too much unnecessary attention.

The boys already know and love you, so they don't care much about how you look like, as long as you're happy and make Jimin happy as well.

With these thoughts, you calmed yourself a little bit down and quickly drove your worries into the last corner of your mind.

That was also the reason why you were thinking about to try something new, instead of just wearing this boring black one-piece swimsuit that you've had for the last six years.

Maybe something cute, a nice two-pieced swimsuit, something like a bikini or so, that flatters your curves and just hugs them in all the right ways. Something that makes you feel sexy and attracts Jimin's attention a bit more than usual.

The thought alone how Jimin always strips you down with his eyes when you wear something close-fitting, which emphasizes your large chest, your round butt or your juicy thighs in the right ways...

...oh god, just the thought of it makes your knees weak and your panties getting wet.

But that's not the point, you have a lot of other problems right now.

At breakfast this morning, Jimin told you for what exactly you need your swimwear. And it's nothing like you thought before, a day at the beach or at the pool and only with the other guys, no.

The real reason is, that one of Jimin's Idol Friends has his birthday today and throw a poolparty in his villa.

That's not how you imagined it...

Of course you are happy that Jimin is not shy about introducing you to all his other friends in addition to the members and showing up with you in public places.

Nevertheless, you're aware that being chubby is not one of the "desirable" standards of the beauty ideals in Korea. Plus, you're a part of people that have a colored skin tone and all of you still have to face unfortunately prejudice and racism in all corners of the world.

That doesn't mean Koreans are racists or they are going to bodyshame someone, oh hell no! But... of course there are always such kinds of worries, like that you couldn't fulfill all the expectations of his friends, ARMYs or in general the whole publicity.

But that shouldn't be your goal either. Jimin loves you the way you are and everyone else should accept and respect you as his girlfriend and thus your relationship.

Nevertheless, a dull feeling spreads out in your stomach at the thought of having to wear this two-pieced bathing suit.

You really like it and you immeaditly fell in love with this bikini when you tried it on while the shopping trip with your friends. You think that it emphatize your curvy figure wonderfully, hides your fluffy belly in a great way and still shows more skin than you are used to.

And that's exactly the point.

You would show more skin than you're actually used to, so you'd walk completely out of your well known and loved comfort zone... and now even in front of strangers you don't know at all!

Everything in you is reluctant to wear this bikini to this party. You had also thought about going on a quick shopping tour into the town this morning. Hoping to find a one-piece swimsuit that can hide your belly a little better than this bikini. But you rejected the thought so fast like it had came into your mind.

You know Seoul far too little to know, where to find the plus size clothing stores. You know they exist! After all, you had been in these shops with Jimin on your recent visits, but you have absolutely no clue where to find them. So you quickly throw this idea into your mental trash can.

So you have no choice but to put on this swimsuit here.

You sigh and look at this two-pieced bathing suit in frustration again. Why the heck were you so stupid and didn't pack both swimsuits straight away in your suitcase, then you wouldn't have this problem now! But you have no other option than to wear it, you don't want to explain to Jimin that you don't want to come to the party because of your swimsuit. He was so happy this morning to finally be able to introduce you as his girlfriend to all his other friends.

You are about to put your dress on when Jimin knocks gently on your door, the door of the guest room (which you hardly really "need" because you sleep with him in his bed all nights anyway) and asks you through the door if you're ready.

You answer him with a hasty "Yes, just give me two more minutes!" and quickly stuff your towels, a pair of fresh underwear, sunblocker and other things that maybe could be useful, into your beach bag.

You slip with your bare, dark blue painted toenails into your sandals and before you walk out of the door, you quickly fix your sun hat and sunglasses as you walk past the large full-body mirror.

You are as ready as you can be when you're going to show yourself to strangers in a swimsuit that is more skin-revealing for your usual standards.

When you open the door and give Jimin, who is standing in the hall and is waiting for you, a small smile, a bright smile spreads on his lips.

His eyes wander slowly down at your body, you don't miss how he licks his lips, which leave you even little bit embarrassed.

But he also looks so damn good in this white t-shirt that he wears, under which you already can imagine his well-built abs, together with this black, low hanging shorts and a pair of black sneakers, made of thin fabric. His outfit is so casual, but at the same time it looks so elegant on him!

"Damn, baby... you look absolutely gorgeous! You look so fantastic, to be honest I don't want to show you the others in this amazing outfit... I bet with you, that they start gawking and drooling because you are so damn sexy. I really have to be careful not to get jealous and to behave decently, so that I don’t do all these dirty fantasies that I have with you in my mind in front of other people’s eyes... ", says Jimin in a half serious, half playful tone and with a meaningful look into your eyes.

"Jimin! Don't say such things, I thought we want to go to the party of your friend!", you reply with a slightly embarrassed smile and hit him with gentle force at his right arm. He's whining a little bit, rubbing the hurting spot after your punch.

"Yes, yes! But that doesn't mean you have to hit me right away!", Jimin whines as you walk down the hall of the dorm to the front door. Like the gentleman he is, he opens the door to the passenger seat of the car dir you and let you get in with a charming smile.

On the way to the party you chat around, laughs about God knows everything and sings together to the latest summer hits that comes out of the radio. Jimin with his angelic voice and then you with your voice, that reminds you more of a screaming cat than anything else. Your boyfriend admits that you still have to practice a bit on your singing talent, but he motivates you with every new song again to sing along with him. But your exuberant, lively mood gets an unwanted damper when you turn into a street and you can already see all the countless cars parked on the roadside from the distance.

Some, like you, just seem to have arrived only a few minutes ago. When you see all these other slim, long-legged beauties in their gorgeous summer dresses or already in their bikinis outfits with these fit bodies, you swallow hard and start chewing on your lower lip. Jimin doesn't miss that.

"Baby?"

"Hm?"

"You think too much, my love. Just look at yourself, you are beautiful! And show that too, show them all how damn attractive you are. They'll love you, I promise! And if anyone giving you a weird look, this person will get a serious problem with me! Okay Darling? I love you and everybody else should know too how much you mean to me... and don't let these silly thoughts in your pretty head up there ruin the evening, okay?"

You take a deep breath and finally nod to Jimin confidently.

He is right, you are probably thinking too negative again. You should also go to this party without the prejudice, that they already dislike you for whatever reason and just think positive and enjoy the day.

"Ready, Baby?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

With a cheeky wink in your direction, Jimin gets out of the car and is fast enough at your door to open it for you again.

You roll your eyes in annoyance, but you can't help but smile.

"Jimin, that's really cute of you, but you don't always have to do that. I'm a confident, independent woman, I'm able to open the door by myself too!", you complain but have to laugh at the end of the sentences.

"Then show them with exactly this body here, how confident you are, my dear lady~", Jimin replies with a husky wisper into your ear, which let a shiver run down your back. You are only able to nod at this moment, try not to be too flustered by Jimin's sex appeal. The same person is fully aware of his influence on you and laughs contentedly as you walk together to the front door.

When the doorbell rings, it is opened by other guests who tell you and use vague hand gestures to indicate where the person, who has birthday today and is the actual party host, could be. You two thanks them and slowly find your way down to the terrace, between all of the chatting, sometimes already dancing and celebrating peoples.

It seems like you'll don't know anyone, really nobody at this party. Sometimes you only recognize some K-Pop Idols here and some other K-Drama actors and actresses there, but you don't know anybody really personally, except of Jimin.

That's why you hold his hand even more tightly, afraid of losing him in the crowd. His thumb draw gentle circles over the back of your hand, he can feel how tense you are, try his best to calm you down.

You're going to be stopped on your actual way to Jimin's Friend by some other idols or international celebrities. You have a small talk with them and you'll be greeted every time with very much enthusiasm when Jimin introduces you as his girlfriend.

You don't really know how to deal with it, least of all with their detailed gaze your body. They don't say anything and their looks are not to be rated directly as negative one, much more in curious and interested way?

But before you can start to worry too much about it, the small talk is already over and Jimin continues to guide you through the crowd to the rightful host, who is in the huge garden behind the villa.

This person greets Jimin with a buddy slap on the shoulder and pulls you into a warm hug, which you had not expected at all. You automatically stiffen up, so that the same person lets you go immediately and apologizes hastily for his inappropriate behavior.

At the same time, you want to make it clear that he didn't do anything wrong and you were just a little surprised. Now you both look at each other in an awkward silence and that makes you twoa little embarrassed, which makes Jimin laugh.

"...and may I introduce to you, that is my girlfriend Y/N."

"H-Hey Y/N! Nice to meet you! Jimin has told me so much about you and every time that happens, I got more curious to finally meet you! And when he said, that you'll be in Seoul in the week when I planned to throw my birthday party, I asked him, to please bring you here, so that I can finally get to know you in person. And when you two just showed up with holding hands, I got carried away a bit. Sorry for my overexited hug. But to Jimin's credit I can already say, that he has an exellent taste for amazing girls, like you are.", he says and gives Jimin and you a playful wink.

At this moment, a waitress with wonderfully decorated cocktails on a tray comes past you and Jimin's friend stops this person with a small gesture to give you two a cocktail of your choice. You all thank the waitress before letting her continue her round through the crowd.

Now the host returns his attention to you again.

"I am really happy that you made it to my party and that you-" at that moment he's looking at you with a big smile "... and that you have also agreed to come here! I assume that unfortunately you don't know that many guests here yet. But I can assure you, nobody will bite you here. But if somebody chat you up or so, please inform me or to the security guards, okay? Some of my guests may starts acting like the last idiots when they're drunk, but I don't let them ruin my party." The way he looks at you completely seriously and at the same time gives you an encouraging smile shows you, that he really tries his best to make you feel comfortable here.

You talk for another ten minutes or so, Jimin's friend already makes you laugh here and there with some jokes, so that you pretty fast don't feel like the "new girlfriend of his buddy" anymore. It's his charm that calms you down and you relax more and more with it. You realize, that everything isn't as terrible as you thought it would be.

To your relief, you also realize that your horror imagination is not coming true. Nobody is gawking at you like you're an exotic animal in the zoo. Nobody behaves weird around you and you haven't noticed until now that anyone starts gossiping about you or your relationship with Jimin.

Only one thing seems to be important to everyone. A great atmosphere and thus an unforgettable evening.

You are so engrossed in the conversation that you wince in surprise when someone taps your shoulder gently. You turn around and there is a girl in front of you, already in a bikini and soaking wet. She seems to have come straight out of the pool to you.

"Hey! You're... Y/N, right? I just want to ask you if you would like to come into the pool and play water volleyball with us? We need one more female player for our team, we want to beat the boys!", she says and point into the direction of the pool, where the other players wave with their hands enthusiastically and want to encourage you to play along with them.

Nevertheless, you look back at Jimin, still a little bit uncertain. Your boyfriend gives you an encouraging kiss on the lips and says teasingly: "Don't look at me so questioningly, come along and show them your talent. You can give me your dress and bag."

Before you can decide against it, you quickly slip out of your sandals and pull your summer dress over your head. You already put the bikini on when you still was in the dorm.

The girl who asked you for the game enthusiastically claps her hands together and immediately grabs your wrist to lead you to the pool.

Only in the corner of your eyes you can see how Jimin's jaw drop at your sight and look at you in disbelief.

However, you don't have time to think about his reaction. You are barely in the water and on your official position when the game already starts.

To be honest, you never thought that this afternoon and evening could turn out to be so good and that you just could play with the other games so boisterously. That everyone just treats you as normal like you are and nobody cares how you look.

But you get the first doubts, that everything is not as good as you think, when you see Jimin on the poolside with a less happy expression on his face. You apologize to the others and tell them, that you have to go to your boyfriend for a minute.

"Jimin? Is everything alright? What happens?", you als him, eyebrows drawn together in alarm.

"Y/N, can you come out of the water, please? I need to talk to you," Jimin replies shortly, looking at you intently.

"O-Okay, of course."

When you're about to step out of the water, he already starts to unfold your bath towel. As soon as you get out of the pool, he has put it over your shoulders and gripped your wrist. Without saying a word, he starts moving and pulls you to the door of the terrace and goes back into the house with you. Everything looks like that Jimin wants to drive home from the party prematurely and hastily.

"Jimin? Now tell me, what happened that you seem to want to go home just... now?!", you finally ask him, finding his behavior really questionable.

Your boyfriend just mumbles something incomprehensible, looks around in the hallway until he sprints up the stairs to the first floor with you.

"Jimin, we just can't-"

But the last words of your sentence get stuck in your throat when Jimin seems to have found what he was looking for all the time. The guest room.

He briefly looks around again to make sure that no one has followed you and noticed something about your unauthorized solo-action. Then he grabs the doorknob and quickly pulls you into the room and closes the door behind you.

You just want to start protesting again and ask him for a plausible answer for his behavior. But then you're already being pushed against the door and Jimin's hungry lips are chasing yours.

The kiss is intense and greedy right at the beginning, Jimin's tongue is demanding, doesn't give you any time to understand what's going on.

"Baby, how dare you! These things I said to you when you came out of the guest room in this beautiful and sexy summer dress, I meant them absolutely seriously. How dare you, despite of my warning, to tease me so fucking much?! Then you don't have to be surprised that I can't hold back anymore. And besides that...", growls Jimin in a husky voice between two kisses in your ear.

"...I hate it how all the boys just looked at you all the time. They're speculating whether you were already in a relationship and how they could flirt with you... don't you understand that every guy down there wants you because you're so damn sexy?"

"Wait what, Jimin? I-I don't understand..." you stammer helplessly, your mind is already clouded by these breathtaking kisses Jimin gave you.

Jimin takes a deep breath, acting like he's trying to calm himself down.

"Your bikini, Babygirl. With this damn bikini you drive me crazy and wrap every guy around your little finger without even noticing. Seeing you in such an outfit is a real sin, Baby...", he whispers in your ear.

Let the tip of his nose slide down your neck, inhale your scent, which has such an aphrodisiac effect on him. His hands find their way from your chubby cheeks down to your plush hips and grabs them firmly.

"Fuck, you're so sexy... I love you and your body so damn much that it hurts... I mean... literally!", he growls and rubs his already rock hard erection on your thick thigh.

"You look so damn sexy in this swimsuit and pretend that you have no idea what effect you have on me... and unfortunately also on these other guys down there... it's a shame! I think, I should show you what kind of indecent thoughts you've put in my head with this body, only covered by this little bit of fabric.", comes it panting from Jimin's lips.

He lets the wet towel drop from your shoulders onto the floor and steps a bit away from you to admire your whole beauty to the fullest. A shiver of desire runs down your spine, causing that something, that is all too familiar to you, starts growing in your abdomen. You start to squirm under his intense gaze.

"I'm really wondering who can be responsible for designing such a cute and at the same time so sexy swimsuit. And fuck. It looks incredibly good on you! How can you always wrapping me around your little finger? Hm Baby? Explain it to me...", purrs Jimin dreamily as he lets his hands wander on your big, perfect round ass and grabs it hard.

A whimper leaves your lips whe you feel his mouth on your neck, spreading kisses and is eager to give you enough hickey that everyone will surely see them. Just knowing that he marking you as his, as his girlfriend, makes your pussy even wetter than it already is.

"Don't tell me you're jealous, Jiminie~", you say teasingly, but at the same time you start moaning with closed eyes and furrowed eyebrows. He positions his right leg between your juicy thighs, flexes his thick thigh muscle just at the right moment and rubs it over your clit. Mastering thigh-fucking in a standing position so fucking well should be prohibited.

"Would you rather explain to me how I couldn't get horny and jealous at such a sight... and Baby? Do you like that? Do you like it how I fuck you with my thigh? How well I can stimulate your clit with it? I already can feel how wet you are... isn't that embarrassing for you, how desperate your pussy has become, just from grinding a little bit on my thigh?", he whispers. He doesn't even try to hide his satisfaction.

His words send an electric shock through your body... just the thought that you really look as good in the bikini as you hoped, so that Jimin can think of nothing more than to do dirty things with you. And then other guys also have noticed you, which has made Jimin so jealous, turns you more on at this moment than you would like to admit. You didn't want to make him jealous at all, but fuck... that's just so freaking hot and you could say your "plan" has more than worked out!

His hand travels to your breasts, pulls with a rough yank the top of your bikini over your breasts, a moan are leaving his lips when he see your big, beautiful breasts. Your nipples are already hard and are just waiting to be caressed.

"F-Fuck... Jimin... G-God... I-I need you!", you whimper as he wraps his lips around your left nipple. You grind in his thigh even more, at the end you start riding him.

"So damn desperate... but only for me. Right?"

"Yes, Jimin, yes! O-Only for you. B-But please, I-"

"Hm? What, Babygirl? What do you want? What are you so desperate for, my Dear? Tell me~"

Jimin loves to tease you. He doesn't give you what you need until you spell the dirty words out by yourself. He loves the way you get shy, always starting to stutter in a damn adorable way until those dirty words come over your own lips. He loves it when his good, decent girl says indecent and sinful things. He loves it when you talk dirty to him.

"I-I want your big hard cock in my wet pussy... I-I... Oh god, Jimin... P-Please just fuck me... Please just fuck me like you already imagined...", you whine and bite your lower lip because of all this desire and need in your body. You need his cock in your pussy now.

"Theoretically, you teased me a lot more with this godlike body, right? But we don't have the time for more teasing, I'll stuff your plump, pretty and sweet pussy with my big cock now and gonna fuck you so damn well~ Just look forward to the moment we're back home again... then you will get your well deserved punishment for making me so horny with this sinful outfit.", Jimin promised to you with a dark, lustful gaze.

With his hands on your delicious ass, he leads you from the door to the bed, which is placed on the opposite wall of the room.

"On your hands and feet, I want to fuck your naughty pussy nice and deep from behind. And you know how I loves it, to see your ass cheeks jiggle when I fuck you doggystyle~"

Oh God, now it can't be ans longer just water, that drips through the bottom of your panties onto the floor. Even if you don't want to admit it, his dirty talk and dominant behavior always makes a mess out of you.

In a matter of seconds, you turned your back to him and crawled onto the bed on all fours. For a very short moment you're sorry to ruin the neatly made bed with your still dripping body and the unrestrained sex, that will follow now.

As soon as you have brought yourself into a comfortable and "stable" position, Jimin pulls your bikini panties down with an impatient tug. You moan in anticipation when you feel the cold air on your bare cunt, even starts to wiggle with your ass a bit more, knowing what kind of effect it has on Jimin.

A deep growl leaves his throat when he sees your plump, fluffy pussy lips are coated all over with your arousal. The way your thick ass cheeks jiggle causes that he gives you a hard slap on the your right butt cheek, what makes you whimper.

"Behave, little Girl.", he says quietly from behind with a warning undertone.

But he doesn't fill your needy pussy immediately, he prefers to pull your ass cheeks apart at first, to have a much better view of your cunt. When he spreads your pussy lips with his index and middle finger open and sees your desperately waiting hole, clenching around nothing. Then he also lost his patience.

With uncoordinated movements of his hands, he pulls his shorts and boxers briefs down to his knees, grabs your hips with a firm grip and push himself into your tight pussy without any warning.

A little cry out of surprise and initial pain comes over your lips, but then you remember that you're having sex in a place where you shouldn't (especially not at this early hour!) and pressing your hands on your mouth quickly.

That’s better anyway. When Jimin fucks you hard, there are always noises coming out of your mouth that you never heard before from yourself.

In short: When Jimin fucks you hard, you're loud. Shamefully loud.

Your boyfriend doesn't give you much time to get used to his cock. But after these days you barely need to get used to it anyway, you have been doing it too often for the past few nights.

His thrusts are perfect, absolutely perfect... hard, fast and incredibly deep. Stretching your pussy just in the right way in all perfect places. And the more you can't hold up yourself on your arms because of the pleasure, the more you sag with your upper body onto the mattress.

This changes the angle even more and Jimin fills you up even deeper than before, finding that sweet spot in your body again. That spot that lets you see stars and the desire almost explodes deep inside your abdomen. But only almost.

This here is the best method for Jimin to torture you. Driving you to the edge of lust, but it's still not enough to let you cum.

Jimin loves this sight.

He loves how your chubby body just shows him how well he fucks you. How the soft, plush flesh of your love handles or your ass cheeks jiggle with every hard thrust that his hips gives your plush body.

How plump your pussy lips are, but how fucking tight your hole is, gripping his hard cock so damn well. He loves to places his palm between your thick thighs on your fluffy vulva, so soft because of that delicous extra flesh and toying your clit to elict even more sweet moans and whimpers from your lips.

"O-Oh my God, Jimin! P-Please don't stop, oh god, please don't stop fucking me and rubbing my clit like that! I-I'm gonna... I'm gonna c-cuu-", you moan, scream at the end, but you just can't stop yourself from being fucking loud.

And to be honest, Jimin doesn't want you to mute your voice. Deep inside of him, his little, dirty devil wants everyone down there to know that he's fucking you onto cloud nine.

When you cum, your walls contract so tightly, Jimin can't help but cum too, your pussy literally milks every drop of his cum out of his cock.

With a deep groan shoot Jimin his load deep into your pussy, mark you in the filthiest way possible as his girl.

You two are breathing heavily and have your eyes closed, Jimin lies himself down on your back. His hands slowly relax from the rigid grip on your hip, then he wraps his arms around your soft belly and lets himself fall to one side together with you, before he becomes too heavy for you.

In the following minutes your breath regulates themself and a certain silence gradually returns to the room. Only the dull bass of the music from outside breaks the silence, accompanied by laughter when someone jumps into the pool, screaming.

Jimin has softened and now slides out of you easily. You can feel the mattress sink under his weight as he gets up and goes into the guest bathroom to get a soft, wet washcloth for you.

He quietly asks you to turn yourself on your back. He gently opens your legs and carefully cleans the mess between your thighs, trying his best to get you rid of his cum. After all, you want to stay a few more hours after this... Quickie? Can you call his here a Quickie?

It takes a moment for you both to straighten your clothes and hair so that no one can immediately see that you had wild sex less than 15 minutes ago.

Jimin is about to unlock the door when you grab his wrist.

"Jimin, let's be honest. No more strange jealousy actions today, okay?"

Jimin turns to you, looks at you thoughtfully until a cute smirk forms on his lips.

"Jealousy? I don't know that word, not anymore after I've marked your beautiful neck and chest all in detail. Now everyone will know that you're my girl!", says Jimin and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

You roll with your eyes and look back at him, pretty annoyed.

"Jimin!"

"Yes, yes, Honey. I know... I know that I have to work on my jealousy problem...", Jimin says in a reassuring voice and looks at you seriously, showing you, that he understood what you mean.

"... but still you can't deny that you like it when I give you hickeys. When I visited you last time, I saw you proudly and satisfied admired my love bites in the mirror!", he reply with a mischievous and playful smirk.

"Oh god Jimin, you're going to shatter my last nerves!", you grumble and shoo him through the door.

You hate it that you can barely be mad at him over a longer time!

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racke7 · 3 years

Text

An attempt at listing everything “Problematic” with the HP-verse. And its relation to the story. Feel free to add more.

Goblins.

Somewhat infamous as an antisemitic thing, goblins have long since become a staple of fantasy-worlds everywhere. Them being included in HP is nothing really worth frowning about. However, placing them in the exclusive position of “greedy bankers” is very much not a good look since this brings them closer in line with the antisemitism that they originally spawned from.

That said, the goblins and their bank have little to no impact on the story. The few goblins we see barely have speaking-roles, and so it can likely be assumed that there was no intent to do something with this antisemitic portrayal of them.

House-elves.

Seemingly adapted from stories about the common fae-creature “brownies”, house-elves are presented as slaves who love doing household-chores but who can be abused by “nasty owners”. The only house-elf we see who wants freedom is treated like a crazy person, and the only person we see trying to campaign for their freedom is openly mocked by the narrative.

Despite common fanon, there's no indication that house-elves actually need to be “bonded” with anyone.

Considering that this attitude existed towards actual slaves in history, where black people were portrayed as “needing to be owned” but that decent folk shouldn't be “cruel” about doing so, this is a volatile mix of historical racism presented as if it isn't messed up.

The “crazy” house-elf who wanted freedom shows up on multiple occasions throughout the books, helping out his rescuer, until this finally kills him. It's a heroic sacrifice and it's treated as such, but his death is also used by the story to showcase how “noble” his rescuer was for actually rescuing a tortured slave.

Understandably, the situation with the house-elves is an extremely volatile topic, and it's hard to say with any certainty what the full intent behind them was.

Homosexuality.

There's one character who is supposedly homosexual. This character is an old man who never speaks of his sexuality in the story, but who dresses in flamboyant clothing and is never hinted at “having been married” despite his age. Towards the end of the story, there are hints that he had a romantic relationship with a man in his youth, which unfortunately ended in tragedy.

With Dumbledore being a reoccurring if distant character, it makes sense that he was never all that open about his personal experience with romance or sexuality, doubly so considering the trauma attached to his “first love”.

That said, considering that the person he fell in love with grew up to become “magical Hitler”, and that Dumbledore refused to indulge in romance ever since, the fact that this is the only homosexual relationship in the series means that this then serves to underline the idea that “homosexuality is an evil to overcome”.

Keeping in mind that this idea is what fuels things like “conversion therapy”, the fact that the series doesn't dispute the validity of this idea is very much not good. It can at its most extreme be interpreted as if the presence of the homosexual character is in fact designed to undermine the battles that current homosexual people face.

Gender-roles.

No girl in the entirety of the series asks a boy out. It's always the opposite. There's also the fact that the girls can access the boys' dorms but the boys can't access the girls'. This all implies that girls need to be sexually wary of boys, but that boys have no need for such worries.

Considering the many problems our society has with recognizing male rape-victims, or abuse-survivors, this doesn't paint a pretty picture. (Not to mention the transphobia that the author began spreading in the years since.)

That said, considering that this is a part of our culture that we're still struggling with, it's not unlikely that this wasn't in fact intended to portray much of anything at all, any more than a regular story about people “driving cars” would be intended to portray how Global Warming isn't anything to worry about.

It doesn't get a lot of screen-time, and it's unlikely that there was any real malice intended upon writing it.

Disabilities.

There's a man with a peg-leg and a missing eye, and one of the villains receive a hand-prosthetic. Other than that, no mention is made of any kind of disability in-story, but considering the great many stairs and distances involved it's unlikely that Hogwarts is in any way designed to be “accessible”.

Keeping in mind that magic in-setting is very good at solving “non-magical injuries”, a few assumptions can be made about people being “cured” of their disabilities even before arrival.

That said, nobody in-story ever makes any claim about being cured, so it's unlikely that there was any real thought put into this. And with how sparse “disability representation” is in media of today, it's likely that including such characters simply never occurred to the author.

This isn't necessarily a good thing, but it seemingly wasn't done out of any malice.

Obesity.

Whilst obesity is the most obvious indication of “evil” characters in the story, it should be noted that most everyone “evil” is described as unattractive. Evil characters are grotesque or horrifying or simply ugly, regardless of if they're “thick” or “thin”.

That said, fat-shaming is a very serious problem in our society, especially within medicine. And seeing its prevalence in a series aimed at children and young adults isn't exactly a good thing.

Considering how so many “non-good” characters are described as unattractive, regardless of their body-types, it's hard to say exactly how much of it is intended to actually shame overweight people, and how much of it is the “Disney-effect” of goodness somehow making a person prettier whilst wickedness makes them uglier.

#harry potter #jk rowling #racism #sexuality #gender #discrimination

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sebastianshaw · 4 years

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And I’m sure Snowbird getting a happy ending had nothing to do with her being a blonde white woman and Haven being a dark skinned woc

I don’t think it was THE reason, but I would not rule it out as a contributing factor.

The major reason is that Snowbird is a hero and a major character, whereas Haven was an extremely minor character and a villain. So it’s pretty standard in that regard for Snowbird to get a happy ending, and Haven not to. Especially considering that, while Snowbird was not a character that “belonged” to anyone in particuliar, Haven was the creation of DeMatteis and when he left the book, so did she. That’s why her story just ENDS so abruptly after her confrontation with Charles, even though it seems like it should just be getting starting---her creator took off, and the new writer wasn’t interested in her.

She pops back up in the annual a year or two later to die, and I strongly suspect this was due to readers writing in and asking what happened to her; I can’t confirm this for fact, but TV Tropes claimed that fans actually refused to root against her because she was so sympathetic and benevolent, so I imagine a lot of them wanted to know where she went and this was to get them to shut up.

(It kind of reminds me of when this webcomic writer wrote a character he meant as despicable and twisted, and she was, but she was also way more deep and interesting than the 2D mouthpieces the protagonists were, so fans kept asking when she’d come back. He got so fed up he drew her dying in a gross and humiliating way. So yeah, if people were indeed asking “what happened to Haven and her evil possessed fetus?” and writing her dying in the mud giving birth while a goddess victim-blames her was the response...yeah. Again I cannot be for sure this is what happened, it’s just a GUESS.)

But yeah the big reason is Snowbird is a heroine and important, Haven was a flash-in-the-pan villain that only one writer wanted to write and had to be gotten out of the way when someone new came in. Nothing deeper than that. But the WAY that Haven’s story played out, especially compared to Snowbird’s...that’s got a lot of sexism and quite potentially racism there, yeah. So um, let’s get into that. Under a cut for length because I doubt people following a Shaw blog for Shaw want to see a bunch of non-Shaw rambling.

Haven’s story, as I have written about MANY times on her blog, is REALLY UNCOMFY in its sexism, racism, and xenophobia. Let me say, I do not think DeMatteis intended this. He writes Haven as a very kind, well-intentioned person even at her worst, and I happen to know he has a genuine real-life interest in Indian spirituality, which I think is definitely what inspired her. Unfortunately, these good intentions didn’t stop Unfortunate Implications galore: - Our first Indian/Hindu/Zoroastrian character is not only a villain, her “evil” philosophy is taken directly from real-world Hindu beliefs - She is opposed by a team comprised ENTIRELY of white people who work for the US government who scoff at those beliefs and refer to them as “New Age” (aka a white hippie movement that appropriated a lot of actual Hindu ideas but certainly did not invent it!) - The US government says she’s a terrorist. Polaris raises doubts, because Haven’s actions at that point have been nothing but benevolent (she saved Polaris) whereas the same government making these accusations has been malevolent (the people trying to kill/capture Polaris were US agents, despite Polaris working for the government, who attacked her because she had the same energy signal as Magneto) When they go to see Haven in person, she’s preaching peace between humans and mutants. Havok opens fire on her---so basically, a law enforcement officer shooting without warning at an unarmed WOC who isn’t doing anything threatening and they don’t even know has superpowers yet--and Haven has to hit the deck. Despite her own great power that we later learn she has, she never retaliates. But we find out that yes, actually, everything the government said about her is true, she’s leading a terrorist death-cult, and so it’s a-okay that our white government cop FIRED A FUCKING PLASMA BURST AT HER WHEN SHE WAS JUST STANDING THERE. The moral of her story is seriously “this brown woman with a funny religion is a terrorist because the government said so, no matter how nice and gentle she seems, and thus any excessive force against her was definitely justified even if we didn’t know that at the time” like it’s CHILLING. - Haven herself actually has very questionable agency in all this. She’s actually been pregnant for twenty years; her unborn child is permanently in the first trimester and possessed by the powerful demon known as The Adversary (which doesn’t make sense timeline-wise, but I have no doubt this thing can time travel, its entire point is to fuck the rules of universal order) We don’t know exactly how much it can influence her or perhaps even control her, but we do know it’s been talking in her head from 20 years and came on at a time she was REALLY messed up and vulnerable, and manipulated her at the least. I personally think it probably was controlling or influencing her at a very deep subtle level, but that’s just my interpretation. At the least though, again, talking in her head for 20 years, that’s the supernatural equivalent of schizophrenia and we wouldn’t blame her for THAT, right? - Oh, and about it appearing when she was at her lowest, most vulnerable point? Know why she was at her lowest, most vulnerable point just when she happened to be pregnant? Haven’s story is she was born extremely rich but was so passionate about using her privilege to help the poor that she ran away from her parents---philanthropists themselves, but who wanted to protect her from the outside world too---to go work directly in the streets, bathing lepers and cradling dying babies. She got her name “Haven” because she used her wealth to renovate a children’s hospital of the same name, I’m serious. She was literally a fucking SAINT. And then she fell in love with a man, and he used her, knocked her up, and ran off. She was DEEPLY ashamed and berated herself not only for her loss of “purity” but also for being “selfish” and forgetting the children. This is...so sad, and so DEEPLY entrenched in how women, ESPECIALLY women of color in a colonized culture, are considered “selfish” and “evil” if they don’t utterly sacrifice themselves 24/7 to care for others and dare have wants/needs of their own. So she fell into this deep despair and that’s when her fetus starts talking to her and filling her head with twisted lies that preyed on both her devout spirituality and her desire to help others.

There is no more sympathetic villain setup POSSIBLE, you’d think Haven would be a SHOE-IN for a redemption arc or at least being saved from her own “child”, but she gets neither. She dies alone in the mud, having only now realized as the birth is coming just what it is she’s about the bring into the world. Roma, the Omniversal Guardian Goddess and eternal foe of the Adversary, appears to watch. Haven begs her, not to save her own life but to stop the Adversary from the terrible things it’s going to do to the world. To her last breath, her concern is others. And Roma tells her “I would weep for you, but you brought this on yourself.” So basically, Haven, who is the most wonderful person in the world and who VERY much fits expected gender roles (gentle, maternal, loving, non-violent even when attacked, long hair, pink and purple flowing clothes, literally SPARKLES) has sex ONE TIME and she’s punished for it in the worst fucking way while the guy who impregnated her gets off scott-free. It’s just...it’s the worst narrative, in terms of sexism AND racism AND just in general. That’s not even getting into, say, the really uncomfy way her meeting with Xavier is handled, eesh. Compare, Snowbird. She’s actually far LESS the “perfect” woman than Haven is, she’s very cold and aloof and she even contemplates LETTING HER SON DIE so that her ties with mortality will be severed and she can join her divine family in paradise. But she had that son within the confines of MARRIAGE to a mortal man, and she only got married after her duties were done, unlike Haven on both counts. And her loss, and the loss of her child, are deeply mourned by those around her, she has a very dignified and beautiful funeral with Snow White style glass coffins, and we see the spirits of herself, her husband, and her child all ascend to the Inua paradise together, the gods having decided to let them in even though mortals have never been allowed before. She gets divine exception, Haven gets divine condemnation. She gets a beautiful funeral surrounded by loved ones, Haven’s corpse is probably still rotting in the jungle and her brother likely still has no idea what happened to her. To be clear I in no way resent Snowbird for her better treatment in a similiar story, I like Snowbird, but it is very disparate in how differently these seemingly similar situations---possessed baby and such---were handled, and the specific ways in which Haven’s were handled so badly ARE very much the product of bigotry that Snowbird didn’t suffer in part due to her being a white or white-coded character (in addition to being, again, a heroine and a major character, which helped her a lot too) Also, is it just me or is Marvel like...weird around childbirth/babies/motherhood and mixing that with demons/evil spirits/possession? Because in that same vein we’ve also got Madelyne Pryor and Wanda Maximoff who also go through demonic possession that’s related in some way to being mothers of babies. That’s a very strange pattern to have and something’s going on there. As a note, it bugs me that Snowbird’s human disguise as “Anne McKenzie” is a BLONDE WHITE WOMAN. Like, yes, her human father was white, but her mother Nelvanna is one of the Inua, the ancient gods of Canada from LONG before white people showed up and WHO LOOK LIKE FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE, Snowbird herself is constantly emphasized as a child of these lands, she is literally magically BOUND to these lands and can’t leave them without weakening and dying, she was raised by an indigenous shaman, and she can only turn into animals that are INDIGENOUS to Canada. She is very unsubtly the embodiment of pre-colonial Canada, so it’s just...asinine to me her human form is that of a colonizer. I get they probably didn’t think further than “let’s give her human form blonde hair so it’s recognizably her” but like, that’s the problem, they didn’t THINK. Also I feel like her being mixed would really thematically fit her, since a strong part of her story was struggling between her divine and human heritage and being forced to try to “pick a side” which is something I’ve heard (I’m white) that a lot of irl mixed people deal with. It just would make more SENSE.

#out of shirt #snowbird #haven #radha dastoor

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monstrouslyobsessed · 4 years

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dfjsdlk well im back at it again with my cerelos sketch. super rough but initial ideas are p much there. im still struggling with his uniform/whatever yall wanted to call his kingly clothings, tho im def lending toward having his cape be also a part of his married saddle. still messing around with that idea tho. and as for his crown, theres actually two parts to it! one on his forehead and other is hanging between his antlers above the crown. im still toying w the design tho

lemme know what yall think?? maybe toss me your sketch or smth to help me with cerelos’ kingly outfit??

speaking of, lemme share some of cerelos culture w yall to make up for my lack of contents over the past few days!! under the cut~

if a centaur/equestrian is married, they’re expected to cover up their private bits in some form because ideally every inch of them belong to their spouse and no one eyes shall laid upon them. if unmarried, bacholer/ettes are free to go completely naked, showing their bits to the public (even including when males are, well, hornie af), because they’re still animals in some senses. Nudity is natural for them—and yes, kids aren’t spared from seeing such a thing, but they grew up with much better sexual education than we do irl.

what differed them from those who married a human though is that they don’t require a saddle. because cerelos married his human, you can expect to see his (horse)back having a fancy saddle—that is his wedding saddle, basically equestrians’ version of wedding rings to humans. because of equestrians’ prides they would’ve refused to be ridden by anyone else but their beloved spouse, showing the measures of their trusts toward them. meaning, in cerelos’ case, only his wife may ride on his back—and the saddle symbolized that—and her being a human.

its a bit of double edged tho. while its not rare (common enough to have wedding saddles being a thing), its not common either, because the equestrians society is laced heavily with racism toward nonequestrians—most especially humans. in other words, cerelos is ousting himself to be a ‘human lover’, something that could’ve warranted being beaten/murdered/etc. if he wasn’t the emperor. despite his laws protecting the cross species marriages/rights to marry whoever, hate crimes still unfortunately occurred.

that said, cerelos found and enjoyed a particular hobby of castrating/hunting down those involved in such hate crimes to torture them and to implement fear in those of lower morals in his people—they’d be quite lucky to be alive afterward, provided they survived any infection that followed their punishments. cerelos started doing such deeds ever since he married his precious human.

anyway, back to being naked bit, even as a bachelor cerelos wasn’t required to be naked because he, being the emperor, was expected to be treated like a god—meaning even if he wanted to show his bits (which he didn’t, he basically viewed most of those he was forced to interact with, typically those in positions of power, nobles, etc., as pure trash but unfortunately necessary to his society), people were forbid to. they had to keep their eyes down on the ground anyway, so it wasn’t uncommon to see him with his cape on even before then.

extra bits,

for equestrians’ human spouses, they were expected to always be seen riding on their equestrian spouse’s back if together regardless of their genders. so cerelos’ darling would have to stay on his back in public regardless of events—unless they were sitting down. even then the human spouses were expected to keep close contact with their equestrians. this is so to keep the humans safe if a brawl broke out near them or w/e and to maintain the status duo of being unbreakable.

for the married equestrians, itd be pretty easy to be ousted as cheaters if they were seen hiding their private bits beforehand and then caught without after which, btw, was Extremely frowned upon in their society

divorce can only occurs under the emperor’s discrete, meaning...good luck leaving the emperor if you’re married to him.

im not clear yet on what kind of symbol the human/nonequestrains spouses would’ve received to oust them to be married to equestrains yet. wedding rings are typically more for human/human thing. maybe a golden jewel collar?

anyway, thats all the tangents from me! i’ll try to finalize cerelos eventually but man character designing is not my strongest suit lol but i think ima work on red next!!

#phantom can barely draw #monster whispers #monster ocs #cerelos #emperor cerelos #my art #monster's ocs

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mediaeval-muse · 3 years

Text

Book Review

The Wolf in the Whale. By Jordanna Max Brodsky. New York: Redhook, 2019.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, magical realism

Part of a Series? No

Summary: A sweeping tale of clashing cultures, warring gods, and forbidden love: In 1000 AD, a young Inuit shaman and a Viking warrior become unwilling allies as war breaks out between their peoples and their gods-one that will determine the fate of them all. "There is a very old story, rarely told, of a wolf that runs into the ocean and becomes a whale." Born with the soul of a hunter and the spirit of the Wolf, Omat is destined to follow in her grandfather's footsteps-invoking the spirits of the land, sea, and sky to protect her people. But the gods have stopped listening and Omat's family is starving. Alone at the edge of the world, hope is all they have left. Desperate to save them, Omat journeys across the icy wastes, fighting for survival with every step. When she meets a Viking warrior and his strange new gods, they set in motion a conflict that could shatter her world...or save it.

***Full review under the cut.***

***Mild spoilers in the plot section.***

Content/Trigger Warnings: rape, sexual assault, racism, misogyny, blood, violence, infanticide, slavery

Overview: I’m not an expert on Inuit culture, so if there are any Inuit, Indigenous, or scholarly reviewers out there who can speak more about the representation in this book, I highly recommend listening to them over me. (I am, however, a medievalist, so I can speak to the Norse elements in this book, if desired.)

The Wolf in the Whale is the kind of book that I have wanted for years; one that pushes back against the colonial gaze and gives us a perspective on Vikings from a non-European point of view. Unfortunately, I’m not entirely sure if this book did that for me. Brodsky (from her own research note) is not Inuit herself, though she does detail her research process and seems knowledgeable about some aspects of Inuit culture. Combined with some storytelling elements that she included in her tale (such as rape and misogyny), I feel somewhat conflicted about how to rate this book, even as I appreciate what it was trying to do. I think for me, personally, The Wolf in the Whale didn’t do as much interrogation into gender identity as it could have, nor do I think making Inuit spirituality/religion fit into Norse mythology entirely rejects a colonial point of view. I did, however, appreciate the premise and the writing, so I’m giving this book a 3.5 star rating.

Writing: Brodsky’s prose is very literary in tone, and I thought that Brodsky wrote with an easy balance between telling and showing. She uses neither flowery language nor sparse descriptions, and it was easy to visualize what was going on without feeling like everything was being spoon-fed to me. I also think the sentences flowed well and the pace was generally appropriate, and I found it easy to keep reading, even though this book was around 500 pages long.

This book is, however, written in first person, which I personally don’t care for because first person can make some descriptions seem awkward. Brodsky manages to sidestep a lot of awkwardness by using a more literary style, reigning in some emotion to make it feel as if the POV character is retelling their story from a future, detached kind of mental state. So props to her for that.

Plot: The Wolf in the Whale follows Omat, an Inuit girl who is raised as a boy, as they struggle to ensure their family’s survival. Over the course of the novel, Omat encounters food shortages, divine conflicts, and strangers (including other Inuit, Indigenous peoples, and Norsemen), and the majority of the latter half of the book is spent following Omat as they search for their cousin, Kiasik, who has been kidnapped by Norsemen.

In general, I think the structure of the plot worked well. Brodsky divides her book into sections that reflect different conflicts in Omat’s life, and I think the events unfolded in a logical way. I also really enjoyed the valuation of stories (especially when Omat and Brandr, a Viking, bond over storytelling) and the magical realism that gave Omat a connection to the spirit world. I furthermore appreciated that Omat’s story was one of Inuit contact with Vikings; as a medievalist, I’ve studied sagas that this book is loosely based on, and I appreciate the fact that Brodsky represented the Vikings not as heroic explorers, but colonizers and slavers.

I did not, however, enjoy the fact that so much of this book seemed to revolve around misogyny, and I got a weird sense that even though Omat is our POV character, Norse mythology seemed to take center stage when the Vikings showed up. First, the misogyny: I can’t speak to the accuracy of the Inuit stories about their gods and goddesses, nor can I say for certain if Inuit peoples have strict prohibitions against women doing men’s work and vice versa; thus, I can’t say whether the numerous stories about rape or the taboos that Omat is punished for violating are accurate or exaggerated. However, I think I can say that Omat needed to have a much more defined personal journey that didn’t revolve around her disdaining women’s work or being sexually assaulted. As a girl raised as a boy, Omat is incredibly anxious about being perceived as a hunter and a man - to the point where they express a lot of disgust or shame at being seen wearing women’s clothes or doing women’s work. I think there’s a way to explore Omat’s gender anxiety without denigrating the role women play in Inuit culture, as without women’s work, everyone would die. To be fair, Omat does learn to appreciate women’s roles over time, but I think that process needed to be more gradual and punctuated with plot points where a woman’s skill or knowledge proved to be valuable.

I also do not think there needed to be so much sexual assault (or threat of sexual assault). While I do think Brodsky showed Omat to be affected by her rape, and there’s a nice moment towards the end where Omat addresses all the rape that their goddesses have endured in their stories, I also think the constant threat of sexual assault was a little much. Again, I can’t speak to whether Inuit culture expects women to essentially be sexually available for their husbands at all times and able to be “loaned out” to other men, but I think I can say that as a female reader, I was tired of Omat being threatened to be raped all the time, by Inuit and Viking alike. I would have preferred that Omat come to view their stories in a new light after their assault, and that Omat form bonds with other women who straddle the line between male and female (such as Freydis and Loki, despite their antagonism) in order to grow as a person without a concrete binary gender identity.

Now for the Norse mythology stuff.

***HERE BE SPOILERS.***

While I did like the magical realism that made Omat’s spirituality feel real, I think actually speaking to Norse gods themselves pushed this book from historical fiction to fantasy for me in a way that felt jarring. Also, I think that Brodsky put a little too much value on Norse mythology to the point where it became validated over Inuit spirituality towards the end. To explain: Omat learns in the book that Inuit gods are actually the Frost Giants from Norse culture, and while I get that Brodsky was trying to make all religions fit into one cosmic system, it felt like she wasn’t so much rejecting colonialism as much as she was imposing it. I didn’t like the fact that Inuit gods being Frost Giants meant that Norse myths are real and Inuits have to fit into Norse cosmology, not the other way around. Moreover, Omat is responsible for bringing about Ragnarok, which means that the big mythological battle is between Inuit and Norse gods. While all the gods are reborn, so to speak, after the battle, only the Norse ones speak to Omat, which felt a little unfair.

Characters: Omat, our POV protagonist, is a compelling character in that they have interesting strengths, flaws, and personal challenges. As a girl raised as a boy, Omat struggles to find an accepted identity within their culture, while also getting in trouble for pride (especially when they try to “prove” that they are a man). I liked that Omat was so interested in stories and connected so strongly with the spirit world, and I found their courage to be admirable. I did have some problems with Omat’s utter shame at all things feminine; as mentioned above, I think the acceptance of women’s work and a female body could have been a good character arc, but I think everything was too mired in misogyny to be powerful.

Brandr, a Viking and Omat’s ally-turned-lover, was admirable in that he rejected a lot of the violence of Norse culture and learned to see Omat as a capable, formidable leader. It was a little strange to me, however, that Brandr seemed to offer Omat what their people could not: acceptance of their gender-fluidity. It seemed like almost a critique of Inuit society, though to be fair, Norse people also expressed a lot of misogyny and homophobia in this book. I hated the fact that Brandr was revealed to have raped 3 women prior to meeting Omat, and while it’s good that Brandr realizes how wrong he was to do that (even though his culture told him that it was expected of a Viking), I think he got off far too easy.

Supporting characters were interesting in that they were heavily flawed. Kiasik, Omat’s cousin, struggles with his affection for Omat and his envy of them, leading him to make some decisions that open a rift between the two. Freydis, the legendary leader of the Viking expedition, is determined and harsh, which is fine since she is a major antagonist, but I would have preferred more commentary on gender roles when Omat saw her inhabiting male and female roles. Various Inuit characters were also interesting, such as Omat’s grandfather and adoptive mother, who support Omat in their personal journey. Issuk and his family were hard to like, since Issuk is a braggart and a rapist and his band does little to stick up for Omat.

TL;DR: The Wolf in the Whale has an exciting premise and does well with its magical realism. Moreover, it is well written and clearly has good intentions; however, misogyny and Euro-centric/colonial biases still creep up and detract from the valuation of the main character’s Inuit culture.

#book reviews

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lo-lynx · 4 years

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Dorne and the sexualised other

TW: Racism, sexism

Long time, no post! Life got in the way, I haven’t really had the time to sit down and write things like this for fun. But here’s some new analysis, this time about A Song of Ice and Fire! In George RR Martin’s world of A Song of Ice and Fire (ASOIAF) the reader can find many aspects that rings true even in our (unfortunately?) dragon free world. Some of those are the sexism and racism that characters face. In this text I want to focus on one such, namely the way characters from the ASOIAF kingdom of Dorne are described. By analysing the sexualised racism levelled at Dornish characters I don’t mean to say that George RR Martin is racist, if that is the case is a whole other discussion, but I want to show how he has incorporated that aspect from our world into ASOIAF. Some day I might write a similar text on how the culture of the Dothraki is described, or that of the Summer Isles. Here I’ll just quickly touch on the Summer Isles, but the main focus will be on Dorne and how characters from Dorne is described in relation to gender, sexuality and race.

Many researchers have studied how colonialist discourse have influenced how the sexuality and gender of people from different parts of the world are viewed (Loomba 2005, 152). Indigenous women from the Americas and Africa were often portrayed during colonial times in art etc as naked and close to nature, while women from the “Orient” were often described as clothed in riches. At the same time “Orient” men were often described as feminine and prone to sexual “perversions (ibid, 156). Loomba writes that one reason for this focus on gender and sexuality was the perceived danger of cultural and racial mixing. By demeaning other races/cultures’ sexuality, the race boundaries and power structures could be maintained. This view on the racial other’s sexuality as both exotic and dangerous was hardly contained to Europe during the 19th century, however. As bell hooks writes about contemporary society:

Certainty from the standpoint of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, the hope is that desires for the ‘primitive’ or fantasises about the other can be continually exploited, and that such exploitation will occur in a manner that reinscribes and maintains the status quo. (hooks 2015, 22)

That is to say, in our contemporary society there is still a white longing for the racial other, a longing to experience that which is considered primitive and exotic (ibid, 27). This sexualisation does not, however, eradicate the very real politics of racial dominance (ibid, 28). Rather, as hooks writes, by fucking the other one asserts one’s power and privilege (ibid 36). So, while black men can be fetichised, described as wild, erotic and strong, their bodies are also subjected to daily violence. Black women have also, both historically and today, been the subject of racial fetishization (Hobson 2003). The black female body has been described as wild, savage, and closer to nature than that of the white western woman. So, on the whole, there have throughout our world’s history (and still today) existed several different ways to describe the racial other’s sexuality that in different ways serve to maintain the power differences of white supremacy.

Now, how is Dorne and its inhabitants described in ASOIAF in relation to this? While we are introduced to some of the Dornish characters in the third novel (namely Oberyn and his paramour Ellaria), the fourth novel A Feast with Crows, brings a whole new focus to the kingdom. This begins in the prologue when Leo Tyrell talks to Alleras about his parentage and says: “Your mother is a monkey from the Summer Isles. The Dornish will fuck everything with a hole between its legs.” (Martin 2011, 10). Leo then goes on to call Alleras a “mongrel” (ibid, 11). In both these comments we can see a quite typical of the sexualised view of the racial other that I described above. Alleras’ black mother from the Summer Isles is likened to a monkey, and his Dornish father is described as promiscuous and willing to have sex with anything. The black woman is described as sexual and animalistic, and the Dornish man is described in the way that “Orient” men were often described; as sexually perverted. By doing this Leo Tyrell obviously means to put himself above Alleras and establish his superiority. This is particularly interesting since Leo Tyrell is from a house and region (The Reach) that has been at war with Dorne for centuries (ibid, 267). By creating a racial division between themselves and the Dornish they are perhaps able to legitimise their hatred of them. The next quote I want to look at is also from the point of view of a Reachman, Arys Oakheart: “In the Reach men said that it was the food that made Dornishmen so hot-tempered and their women so wild and wanton”. (ibid, 271) This is of course also in line with how men of colour are described as wild as strong, and women of colour as exotic and sexual. It’s also interesting in light of how Arys in this very same chapter longs after the Dornish princess Arianne, who is described both as very sexual, exotic and richly clad, thus embodying several stereotypes of racial other women. Arys being attracted to this “exotic” woman can be seen as a case of him wanting this fetichised racial other, someone who is part of a group that has been sexualised by his countrymen in order to claim superiority over them. As bell hooks says, by sexualising the other one establishes dominance and power of them. I’m not saying that is what Arys is consciously trying to do in this instance, but that he has internalised the views of Dornish people that he has been brought up with.I have here tried to show how views of the racial other from our own world seems to be in use in the world of ASOIAF as well. Dornish characters are sexualised and described as wild, almost animalistic. In general characters of colour seems to be described as more sexual, closer to nature, less civilised. This is very similar to how colonial discourses have been used to legitimise racial oppression in our own world. Much more could obviously be written on this topic, but for now this is how I will end this text.

References

Hobson, Janell. 2003. ‘The “Batty” Politic: Toward an Asthetic of the Black Female Body’ Hypatia. 18(4):87-104

hooks, bell. 2015. ”Eating the other: Desire and Resistance.” In Black Looks: Race and Representation, ed. by bell hooks. Routledge: New York. ProQuest Ebook Central.

Loomba, Ania. 2008. Kolonialism/Postkolonialism: En introduktion till ett forskningsfält. Translation Oskar Söderlind. 2 ed. Stockholm: Tankekraft. [This is the Swedish translation of the book Colonialism/Postcolonialism]

Martin, George RR. 2011. A Feast for Crows. Random House: New York.

#asoiaf #tw:racism #tw:sexism #feminism

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fotiathymos · 4 years

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I liked your headcanon backstory for Lio, when you have the time would you share your idea for Galo's?

Galo's story time! According to random thoughts that occur in my brain to make me upset at night!

Once again, thank you for the interest. And I guess it comes off that I enjoy writing so I hope you enjoy reading. Even when its said. >.> I'd love to discuss with people their ideas still. And once again again... its LONG.

TW emotional abuse, parental death, small racism mention, transphobia mention, bullying, self harm via over working, and again I apologize if I miss anything.

Galo's parents were city dwelling young teens that fell in love and got married months later after dating at barely 19 years old. And it was rough.

His mother was loud, out spoken, take no bullshit kind of girl. She grew up all her life in Promepolis, poor and dirty. She'd get drunk at gay bars, fight with her parents, make out with random people and claimed it was living life to the fullest and if you can't handle that then you are just a prude!

His father recently moved into the city with his father (Galo's grandfather). They lost their home and was moved to Promepolis' shelter.

The recent events of the World Blaze caused many people to be displaced and homeless across the world. And welcoming new comers in the city scared the locals, what if they were Burnish? But with a majority of livable land reduced to deserts, people had to go somewhere.

Galo's father was training to be museum curator assistant. He was well versed in many cultures histories, educated, introverted and always got his way through social interactions via jokes. Upon arriving to the city he was currently jobless, the museum and city he previously called home was burned to the ground. His father was his only family and unfortunately wasn't handling old age well.

Sort of an opposites attract but 'were not so different, you an I' way. They met through friends of a friend. Galo's father wasn't fond of clubs but went anyway. She made him let loose for once in his life and he fell head over heels for her. They connected real fast. They were just 19 and impulsive, but it worked out in the end sorta, and decided if the world is this sucky lets just get married right away.

The reason why Galo was never taken in by any other family members was because 1. Galo's father only had Galo's grandfather, who was living in a home for his health. and 2. Galo's mother was disowned by her parents after hitching up with Galo's dad. She was from a large Italian family. Tight knit. They disapproved of her not dating or marrying an Italian boy from the city. She married a Japanese man. They excommunicated her from the family. Even when Galo was born they refused to see him.

Galo was their 'miracle child'. Kind of playing off how in the movie he was always is in such danger he should've died, it was a miracle Galo was born! His mother went through unfortunate miscarriages before she suddenly had Galo. And even then he was born premature and was held in the hospital on and off for the first 3 years of his life. And he survived! He was their miracle.

The family mostly lived a quiet life. Working multiple jobs in a shitty city apartment, caring for an elderly man and a small child. They knew of the politics and horrors going on in the world but they had no time to think of it. They were just trying to survive day by day. They had no outside support. They had friends but even then, they were busy too. There were fights about money, who is staying home with Galo, why don't we have any food in the fridge, whose taking him to school. They made a rule to never fight in front of Galo but kids still felt tension.

Galo didn't quite know he was different from other kids. He just felt.. wrong. It was discovered he was a boy early on though. Really, his parents had suspicions. Galo would hate being referred to as girly, lived for the idea of tomboy. Even when it conflicted with things he did like, like dolls and dresses. The moment someone said he was a pretty girl in that dress, he threw out the dress, tore it to pieces. He would get irritable when people used words and terms for him he didn't decide for himself. He only ever wore his dresses at home, played with dolls at home. At school he begged to wear baseball t-shirts, have robot notebooks, he'd point to anything in the boys section without much care to what it was, as long as it made him appear 'boy' to the world. His parents sat him down to talk about all this. When it all clicked that their child was transgender, they did all they could to make his life easier. They poured their money into puberty blockers for the time being. Before any further steps would happen.

Galo was bullied heavily at school. He was the 'weird' kid. The 'ugly girl', the 'freak'. Even to teachers who were asked to respect him, they just found him to be a 'troublemaker'. Never paying attention in class, always fidgeting, he'd talk too loud, always asking to go to the bathroom.

'Look at adults when youre talking to them.' 'Stop drawing and pay attention.'

He'd try to go by the rules but the rules always didn't make sense to him. Gender was confusing but school was even more confusing. He was always frustrated. All his attempts at fitting in were hit by walls. No one seemed to understand him. Kids stepped all over him, stealing any cool pencils or books he had. His back pack thrown across the school yard.

And just as his parents hid their worried and hard life from him, he made sure to not worry them about his own struggles.

When the fire happened Galo was around 13 year old. Galo was in bed. There were suddenly flames everywhere and his instincts made him run to his parents room. His mother was trapped inside the bedroom, his father outside. Galo was told to make a quick exit out of the house on his own. And in a panic he fled out the front door and into the worst possible human being.

Everything was pretty much a blur. Galo fell hard into shock when his parents weren't coming out of the building. He honestly was clinging to anything nearby to just.. hold something.. feel something. It just happened to be Kray Foresight.

The news was on the scene and sirens were blaring and Galo was anywhere but on earth in that moment. He was placed in an ambulance with a shock blanket, Kray sat beside him, muttering to himself. The only words Galo caught were something along the lines of ‘how unexpected the world gives things.’

In Kray's world, his sudden fame gave his sabotage and manipulate plan more speed. In Galo's world. Before he could even start his life, it ended.

Galo was sent to live in foster care. His Grandfather unable to support him. Galo got heavy into history when visiting his grandfather. The man had Galo's father history books in storage and Galo was instantly pulled in. Especially in his father's culture which he never got to learn much about. He discovered the history of Hikeshi through the books and it became his biggest interest. some foster care nurses were worried about him getting into firefighting history after suffering from a fire.

Galo would also visit a reluctant Kray very often. The media always ate it up. Kray would pose for pictures and Galo loved the attention. A break from thinking anything bad, he could run around a large empty office while Kray was on calls. Okay, maybe, sometimes he'd get yelled at for being too loud. And Kray would kick him out of the room. But thats just cause he was busy! Galo would talk and talk and talk to Kray about the new things he read in his books, he'd even bring by the books some days! His back pack full. It has to do with firefighting! Kray is working on ways to help prevent burnish fires! Kray would so be interested in Galo's research! So he'd spread out all the books all over Krays desk. Kray would let in some tv people during Galo's visits, maybe so they could see how even Galo, a kid, can be working so hard for a better world!

Galo would notice how different Kray got when it was just them two. Kray would mutter under his breath a lot. Stress from the job probably. Krays outbursts toward Galo only happened when they were alone. clearly Galo was being a bother to him. Kray was a busy man. Galo wasn't helping as much as he should be for Kray. Galo started being more quiet during his visits. He went from jumping around to sitting in the corner of the room, watching Kray work, till he was yelled at to stop staring. Galo would pace the Foundations halls, people watching. How they acted and how he could do the same to impress Kray finally. Show he isn't a kid anymore. That he’s normal.

But Kray wasn't always so stressed out with Galo, sometimes he'd pat Galo's head, buy him a new clothes and video games, have someone drive him back to the foster home in a big fancy car. And one day Kray even started noticing how interested Galo was in firefighting! He even offered to pay for schooling!

Galo hated the foster home system. Instead of dealing with his problems he ran away. He'd run to Kray's office. To visit his grandfather. Just mindlessly wander the city. Being an older child with trauma, adoption wasn't really on his plate. Ageing out seemed to be his only option. But no one ever wanted to just tell him that was the case. Giving false hopes for a better life.

Being bullied in school was easy compared to being bullied by other foster kids. They all hated Galo for being Krays 'favorite'. Galo was given a special room because Kray paid for it. Galo was bought clothes and video games and taken on drives in fancy cars! It was common for Galo to come back to his bedroom trashed. The first Matoi made out of card board and scrap fabric... suddenly found burning in the buildings front yard.

Galo would try and try and try to fit in. To be accepted. To have friends. So he started letting other kids come join him in the fancy car rides. He'd give others his clothes, pretending they were gifts. He'd help others by doing their chores. And suddenly everyone needed Galo.

When Galo's grandfather passed on due to old age. Galo felt more hopeless. His Grandfather was having memory issues in his old age, so Galo visited less, he could handle being mistaken for his mother, or asked who he even was. Galo felt so useless. And then the last piece of his family died and he, once again, was useless.

He was 16years old now. And felt so very stuck. As he was getting closer and closer to aging out of the system Galo was slowly accepting he had his own dreams of being a firefighter now. To help people who befell such a horrible situation that he himself suffered. He also wanted to impress Kray with his studies and maturity. He got to work. He got a job at the foster home, secretly got a front desk job at the Foundation, did small odd jobs around the city. All at 16-17. 18 years old was moving closer and closer. He wouldn’t eat or sleep and his body would ache everyday. But. He didn't want to be stuck and be useless.

Galo wanted to talk to Kray about helping him with top surgery. After the fire he got off puberty blockers, and after many many therapy sessions with the foster homes nurse did he start hormone replacement therapy. He honestly thought Kray already knew Galo wasn't cis from when he was 13 years old. But it seems he keeps forgetting. Kray was told about it by a nurse but he didn't mention it again. So Kray must not care that Galo was trans! He'd surely be excited and proud when he finds out how hard Galo worked up the money and how mature he was for all his research.

Kray was livid.

Calling Galo impulsive as always. Galo was working 2 years on this, and was researching for even longer. But.. I guess it was still 'impulsive' of him. Kray said it was too huge a thing to do to ones body. Galo understood that. Does that mean he can't go through with it? Yes, it was a big change but thats what Galo wanted. Kray just stated the obvious. Galo just wanted support for it. Galo explained as calmly as he could to Kray. Kray didn't seem to budge. Galo was too nervous about doing it without Kray's support. So he just sulked for months. Til one day, Kray said he found a surgeon. And Galo was elated! The news the next day had a big article on how Kray was still being a hero to the small boy he saved years ago.

Galo had some extreme abandonment issues. He conformed all his life to fit into a role, a job, a way he was expected to be for whoever he was talking to. He struggled with his own identity from a young age and with how different the world continued to act towards him it was hard for him to find his own place of comfort. It was always someone elses comfort he had to focus on. Joining Burning Rescue enhanced that feeling. He was meant to save and help others. And he was happy with that. It gave him purpose, pride, and reason to keep living.

Night terrors and sleep paralysis started immediately after the fire. During his foster home days, he was known to be awake at all hours of the night. Playing video games, reading, wandering around, doing exercise. anything to think of anything that wasn't that night. That wasn't how he's failing, how he wasn't liked, how he wasn't 'normal'.

He'd apologize after every time he got too excited and his voice got loud. Kray would always yell or give him a look from that. Kray wasn't subtle about how disinterested he was in Galo's interests. Galo would talk and talk and Kray would grunt and mumble under his breath and then slam the books off his desk nonchalantly. Galo would shut up. Galo had trouble understanding when the right time to speak was, what if he was too loud, what if he said something wrong.

Self deprecating humor was his go to in social interactions. If he said how annoying and stupid he was first then when they say it, it won't hurt that much. Or well, its just a joke, he doesn't really hate who he is! Right?

Galo's self harm was in working too much. Sleeping too little. He'd appear as a workaholic, invested in his passions. He'd be important and useful and he convinced himself that the aches werent there or werent too bad. His forgetfulness from lack of sleep was just him being stupid.

After Parnassus. He dealt with his issues more. Sort of. He'd become invested in helping Lio in helping the Burnish. Helping Lio with Lio's traumas and aches and lack of sleep.

But Lio was also invested in helping Galo.

Lio.. listened to him. Galo would talk and talk and talk and Lio could repeat the information back days later. Lio asked to hear more about certain subjects. Lio snap at Galo everytime he made a self hating joke. Galo still suffered nightmares and traumas but he wasn't alone this time. Truely wasn't alone. He finally had someone, and even more then just Lio, actually checking in on him, visiting him. Instead of Galo running to find someone to connect to and meeting brick walls.. he was slowly starting to have someone run to him.

Lio was the first person Galo would talk to about his parents. About the fun board game nights they had together. How his mother would let Galo wear make up and dresses but still refer to him as a boy when asked. How his father would let Galo stay up way to late watching old movies with him.

Galo had his own issues to deal with but he was in love with Lio intensely. Someone understood him when no one else would. But he couldn't always trust his own head, it always seemed to give the wrong answers about how others felt. But he just felt Lio loved him back. Lio just needed time. And there were days and months where Galo felt it was entirely one sided. That no one could love a fool like him.

But Lio would always end up doing something, as if reading Galo's mind, that showed he cared for Galo and that Galo's negative thoughts were just that, negative thoughts.

OKAY I feel like i could write forever and I def went all over the place. Im def missing some big points and thoughts. I hope this is at least readable. I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed.

I hope it wasn't too long or too weird or too much. idk where i was going with it and well i started writing with out a goal in mind. Just getting thoughts out really. Enjoy??And please talk to me about your thoughts. Anon or not anon. But thank you again for being even vaguely interested!! I know its not like.. fun or prob a popular idea for the most part.

#boop answers #no tags no time #i must go LIE DOWN #Anonymous

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