#(idk how it's possible to be both dont ask me)

[radiation]

Video games talk dont even mind me

Bro video games as a whole are so far behind movies in terms of storytelling and pacing that it’s kind of baffling. Which of course is obvious and makes sense for plenty of reasons but like, just think about it — watching movies a lot can’t help but train a certain muscle that gives you a strong instinct for structure. I find that people who watch movies very casually, without too much artistic consideration, and don’t really know the language associated with it are still very often irked by specific issues with a movie’s pacing, dialogue, etc and are relatively capable of putting it into words. Likewise, for many movies out there, regardless of your opinions on any specific directorial choices, you do feel as if the movie is essentially cohesive and creatives involved reasonably knew what they were doing and were acting very intentionally, and there weren’t any major oversights. This includes independent films as well. Meanwhile I think both players and developers much more commonly lack the instinct for narrative cohesion when it comes to video games. Definitely a fair amount of exceptions to this, but in general I find it’s difficult to find video games that are very narrative heavy & aspire to great artistic heights that don’t suffer from inherent structural problems, pedantic dialogue, tons of dead air, etc in a way that wouldn’t slide as easily in a movie. A lot these flaws certainly have to be due to the presence of gameplay elements and having to balance that with story when the two are almost always, at least in some small respect, inherently at odds. As for the inability for devs and players to pick up on / fix these flaws…is it because gameplay can distract from it and make up for it? With longer games that have runtimes closer to the experience of a television series, is there a similar reaction where if it’s long enough you will sit thru smaller, momentary issues because you enjoy the bigger picture? Yet games are a lot more engaging than a show as a audio, visual, and tactile experience, you can’t multitask and tune the information out as easily as with a boring episode of a show, so you’d think people would be more picky? But maybe because it’s so attention-demanding people are more immersed, and believe in the experience enough to more easily accept the story? Books demand the same kind of active attention to experience though, and the bar for story in books is a lot higher, so what gives? Well a lot of these have kind of obvious answers but still Interesting questions to ask that lead to Damn , That Is Still Crazy How Much This Shit Is In Its Infancy like sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy with how many writing issues are present in games, particularly in indie games that are Trying To Be Good At Writing that feel excessively obvious and yet I often struggle to find my sentiment mirrored by others. IDK. And back to movies the thing is I feel like if the same people trying to write these kind of games had pursued movies instead then they would’ve ended up making well structured movies that avoided all of these pitfalls. WHAT IS IT WITH GAMES? Well we know what it is with games and we could spend all day discussing a million more reasons this is the way it is but no matter what I think we should just be super conscientious of these pitfalls when making narrative focused games and aspire to a greater level of intentionality that is absolutely possible . Build that muscle by really understanding the quality of storytelling long-present in other mediums.Well the other issue with indie devs is that everyone believes they are totally breaking new ground story wise that they don’t take a step back, humble themselves a bit, and cross-reference what they’re doing with the tons of other stories that have already achieved similar things But thats a conversation for another day .

[sunnykeysmash]

Man of words

#s16 spoilers #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #macdennis #analysis #parallels #I didn't exactly know how to name this thread but i had some scattered thoughts on it #dennis is the one mac depends on to define things. he's the man of words. but this situation is very limiting #firstly because mac can't read subtext. and dennis will rarely be open in his words. but he also doesn't know everything. #cant define everything. and by forcing the situation to have dennis speak for both. what actually happens is mac gets silenced #and when mac cant speak. no one besides dennis can ever possibly understand him. and that is very isolating. because den wont be open. cant #but they trust each other. theyre following each other's lead. and they're missing the right words #den defines his own self worth in the relationship by being able to have the right words. mac is the man of action! after all #but if mac learns to speak for himself. if mac doesn't depend on den (chokes). if mac is noticed for his appearance as den becomes insecure #(''what if my shirt falls off?'') what does den have left for mac? but mac will fall for him no matter what. #''make up or not you are the golden god! it's all about what's in here💗'' #maybe words arent necessary anymore. dont ask just do. and mac's the man of action... OR IS HE. #mac doesn't really act now does he. they got it backwards. don't they? mac got a lot better with his words in time... #idk lots to think about let me know what u think lolll #threads

[penguin--person]

Do you think they neuter mutants at the facility

you sent this ask to the wrong blog ❤️ the pafl confessions blog is here ❤️live laugh love

#ask #in short: no. in more length: #i think itd be too much work for the facility. too expensive too #plus i think they prevent any possible.. sexes..? not telling the mutants about sex at all #no sex education or the bare minimum of it #why waste budget on that ya know? #maybe if theyve got like. a sex mutation???? idk what that would be like. well i do but i dont wanna talk about that #and most of the mutants are kids. some Are adults but the mast vajority are kids #but if some mutant does get pregnant. well. i Have thought before about how thatd go actually #like. would the facility terminate the pregnant mutant as a whole? would they give it an abortion? would they make it give birth so they ca #study the baby? would they kill both/all the parents? many possible scenarios.. would they isolate this mutant to prevent #others from finding out about sexy times? #WOULD they neuter the mutants? no thats too much work. honestly i doubt they explain periods n shit to the mutants #in a better way than 'how to use pads/tampons' and nothing more. maybe at most birth control if they get older? idk #the facility intrigues me. i wanna be a cog in it so i can find out evrything about it #NOT tagging this so ferry doesnt see it. they CANNOT see this. ok. i anwsered your questions. heed my request

[lord-squiggletits]

Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly #not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries #will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them' #like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death #surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs #contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position #everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying #esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death #the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally #on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life #and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms #so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did #he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim #also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse #it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help #isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse #and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out #idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated' #sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement #or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement #anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause #rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do #and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death

[halforcdad]

serenading was really the last thing i ever wanted Kate to do as her grand gesture and i still don’t love it, but the amount of people who keep calling a big, awkward, public gesture hugely ooc for Kate and keep saying they miss the old whistler who wasn't dumb, oh DIA Whistler was so much better. its the show’s first season. i don’t think it’s even possible to be ooc when the writers are just starting to create these characters and we barely know them. we only saw ‘cool, confident, bossy dia whistler’ for about 6 episodes before 1x11 happened and changed everything, and while she’s still all of those things she was changing even before the breakup happened and with all the growth she’s gone through, she’s going to end the season looking pretty different to how she started (fair warning, this is a little unhinged and unorganized, just a little)

her arc has been about her learning to let people in and learning to be more honest with her feelings, to not be afraid of putting herself out there and learning how to stop pushing people away as a result of the impact Lucy and the team have had on her. it’s about making yourself vulnerable and trying to find people who will accept you even if you’re an awkward giraffe. throughout the season the writers have been telling us that she: finds it hard to be open and show her emotions, she puts her orders before her feelings at work causing everyone to view her as the ‘bad cop’ and that sucks, she really wants to make connections with her coworkers, but she doesn’t know how and she’s kinda bad at it, she was afraid of starting something with Lucy (and messing it up) because Lucy’s the most amazing woman she’s ever met and she wanted to keep it on the downlow until she felt she could handle it, is actually very charming and sensitive and goofy underneath that hardened exterior

there’s a reason Ernie describes her as “the tall one acting goofy,” she tries to keep her relationship with Lucy a secret and yet you can see her softening as a result of it and being unable to hide their connection and pull to each other even at work. Jesse notices they’re making googly eyes at each other during the Pearl Harbor tour in 1x09 and remarks that “there’s a certain DIA officer i haven’t seen around your desk recently,” because she couldn’t fight the gravitational pull drawing her to Lucy’s desk everyday, literally the worst kept secret at the office you morons! In 1x12 she’s sprinting after Lucy practically shouting after her (loud enough for all of Pearl Harbor to hear) even when she’s asking if Lucy’s going to throw their relationship away that easily. Kate gets a pass with Jane because how can you pretend you don’t care about Lucy after she could’ve died on an UC mission and as for Kai, well, he has two eyes so he definitely noticed too

the Whistler in 1x01 would definitely not be going over to Tennant’s house after 1x14 and sharing a drink with her (might not have warned her about Glenn Smith either) and maybe she wouldn’t have tried comforting her when Jesse went missing in 1x15 (not because she wouldn’t have wanted to, but maybe it would have been harder without all the stuff that happened in between as a result of the Lucy romance) and that’s growth baby!

as for her acting ‘dumb’ and goofy, whistler’s greatest hits (paraphrased):

1x07: the entire opening scene right in front of Ernie's coffee, like ladies its barely 9 in the morning 

1x09: “i want to be intimate” “here???” 

1x11: "i like this" "the coffee? its fair trade." "so i think i win the dumbass award." "yes...no! NO!"

1x14: “creds... that’s what all the cool agents say :)”

1x17: “the source of the attack was some sort of pineapple” “like the fruit?” (also forgetting she never apologized to Lucy)

1x20: while looking like a beaten bloody piñata “I’m fine just some bruises...and some minor head trauma...” “i did not have Lucy surf quotes on my bingo card today” 

1x21: “about the power of love!” -silence- “...anyway i think that’ll help us get through to David” (we were all raving about this scene and how cute it was, but we don't want to acknowledge all the work it took to get here?)

The writers have been showing it all season, this is just who she is the more you get to know her, not liking it is different than ooc

Kate just sucks at talking and processing her emotions on the spot and can’t always immediately formulate a response right away whether you’re her boss or her colleague or her ex girlfriend (she ghosted a girl for months for god’s sakes which is probably honestly where most of the ‘this feels ooc for Kate’ criticism comes from and it’s hard to blame anyone for that because wth Kate, but it also serves as the biggest indictment of how her lack of social skills has effected her life and now it’s finally catching up to her)

a lot of people call Whistler rushing in without thought or backup to be ooc, and while they’ve shown that she’s smart and good at thinking things through (figuring out a way to help the team in 1x06, with the Clark Lohan thing in 1x10, using David's wife’s fate as leverage to get through to him in 1x21), that’s been behind the scenes we never saw her do field work during her stint at the DIA so there’s nothing really to base the ooc claim on, the first time we see her in the field is in 1x17 (she only transferred to the FBI 3 episodes ago) when she rushes in and Lucy has to stop her so it’s not out of the ordinary for her to do something similar in 1x20 at Agent Jones’s house, Whistler in the office and Whistler out in the field are different because they’re different environments entirely (and she’s new to the field)

i dont think the people calling Whistler ooc for acting goofy and socially inept would call her ooc for turning down a promotion anywhere from 1x06-1x13 to stay close to Lucy after early Whistler was billed as ambitious and career-driven (but i guess it’s different because it’s romantic without being awkward...), if we’re going to throw that term out there we should examine all her actions that way not just the one’s we maybe don’t like 

you can criticize the writing and the show all you want we all have different opinions we’re not all going to agree on how good Whistler’s development has gone, but i don’t think it’s fair to say any public grand gesture or Kate acting ‘dumb’ is completely out of left field, yes she was more cold and distant and mean earlier (and maybe you preferred that way more) but as the show has progressed you get to see a different more shy, uncertain, dorky side of her and that's not ooc that's just how humans are

she’s been slowly stepping out of her comfort zone all season and Lucy’s influence on her has inspired her to finally make a running jump into the deep end to win her back because she loves her and that’s how much she means to her (my favorite post about the grand gesture written before we knew it was a singing gesture LOL) that's the whole point isn't it? the power of love! has changed Whistler! she's never felt this way about anyone before and is clearly woefully inexperienced in love, she misses Lucy and wants to win her back no matter what so she's willing to listen to anything and do anything to show her she's all in and wants to be with her and only her! love makes us do crazy things, but it makes sense after a season of pain and regret

unfortunately for some people, Kate also happens to be less competent socially so that’s going to manifest in truly awkward (and secondhand embarrassing) ways, but she’s always been capable of this because she’s a multifaceted character and the writers have been showing us that

#ncis hawaii #kate whistler #kacy #all the criticism and thoughts ive seen on tumblr has been cool and fine but the twitter folks just make my head explode #its like every time kate shows a not Cool trait shes ooc? theres a reason everyone calls her the dumbest smart person (affectionate) #shes got one braincell for work! whenever she uses it for her personal life or for following ernies advice is laughs at her and explodes #imma be real this is kinda petty and ranty bc of one specific kate stan on twitter i keep seeing firhrgjrg #like i cant even enjoy their fics bc they start all of them with 'i wont do u dirty like the writers have' #like wym the writers have treated me fine i loved 1x20 i loved all the kacy angst lol #like yas and tori are great and theyre 50% of it but who wrote the lines they say that make me love lucy and kate more and more everyday #also i dont think its possible at all for a character to be ooc...in season 1 like the writers barely know them yet how can i claim i do #like ok you like the character but then you hate the writers for half the traits theyve given them so do you actually like them??? #this is all incoherent and im sorry #yes i still dislike the serenade but like i understand the point of the big gesture and why u would go there #get you a hot lesbian mess who can do both! #im delirious i probably shouldnt post this and ill regret it but i will anyway #like i saw someone ask what have they done to you whistler #oh idk given her a personality??? made her likeable and made the audience want to root for her? like yall LMAO

[gibbearish]

yknow what bugs me is when ppls criticism of YA media boils down to them just not knowing how teenage crushes work

#'bella being depressed because edward wasnt at school is unhealthy obsession' no that's called having a crush #'him asking her out by them hearing a rumor saying theyre dating and bella going 'what should i say' +him responding 'well i guess you could #tell them yes. yknow just because its easier' is lame and boring' are you kidding me i ate that shit up at that age #when two shy awkward people flirt thats how you end up in a relationship is you both kind of just sidle your way up to it #and i dont even feel like that one contributes to like 'things abt him that arent necessarily red flags on their own but as a whole point to #bad things' like. from what i gathered feom the movie bella did not seem like the type to like some big first move #like. shes an emo bruh girl. if it wasnt some sort of edgy teenage heartthrob performance then shed just brush him off like #every other Conventionally Attractive Dude™ falling all over her #ppl keep acting like her not going for every other dude who wants her is a character flaw or bad writing but. like #literally just have you ever met a depressed teenage girl. #shes Not Like Other Girls™ and finds regular guys who express emotions in regular ways boring #her wanting him over every other bland boring safe guy she could have in an instant isnt a plot hole‚ its characterization #also i disagree with the vibe that she's just a blank slate like. as someone who was a depressed teenage girl #she didn't come across as blank to me #she came across as. depressed and emo and trying so very hard to look cool and mysterious at all times and had #spent her life up to that point praying to find out magic was real and could whisk her away into a life of adventure and romance and drama #you look me in the eyes and tell me that girl didn't spend middle school chewing through every book she could get her hands on #as fast as possible. #idk #origibberish

[cryptidapprentice]

literally why the hell am i always so anxious to call out of work

#marine myths rambles #like... worst that could happen is they fire me for calling out too much. but then i get to find a new job (is not too fond of current job) #(mostly bc of how the higher ups treat their employees. i actually quite like most of my coworkers n the actual work isnt tht bad sometimes) #(i just think the owners dont fkn know how to properly compensate or take care of their employees. its kinda wack. anyways.) #i guess i just need more ways to say tht i cant come into work bc i feel like im repetitive #literally as i was typing the last tag i got a message asking abt when i can make up the hours. like... #i offered a day tht works for me but apparently not for them bc its too many hrs for me in one week?? idk but im just like. #what do u want me to say. im already working extra days bc i was asked to. n u want me to make up the hrs im missing??? huh??? #imagine if i quit rn. (i wouldnt bc id rather have another job lined up before leaving my current job if possible. but the thought is There) #anyways off topic as all hell but im thinking abt changing my url should i just do it n not say anything? would anyone care even?? lmao #would love to hear any thoughts and opinions (abt both the url and my work sitch if uve got em tbh)

[trashbaget]

.

#i…………i have……………i have a fucking DATE tomorrow !!! #im going on a motherfucking DATE tomorrow????? #not only am i going on a DATE tomorrow but im going on my FIRST?? DATE?? tomorrow??? AND I PLANNED IT??? kinda??? #bro. bruh. bra. breastie. ive got a motherfucking date tomorrow and >i< asked >him< out!???? #we’re gonna go to the store to get snacks and then we’re watching this christmas romcom that was filmed in my hometown that’s sposed to be #really shitty & we’re both such suckers for shitty movies aldhakdja. fuuuuuuuck. im going on a date tomorrow yall. what the fuck. WHAT THE F #yall im going on a date tomorrow. im. im so excited??? im so excited!!! i have a DATE?? tomorrow????? with a boy???? that i like??? and i??? #fuck what if we kiss!!??? what if we hold hands??!!! WHAT DO I WEAR !!!!?????!!!????!!!!!!??!!!!! #fuck what do i wear……………………ive got like sweaters? or this neat little turtleneck tank top? but what would i wear with it it’s freezing?? #i was thinking my overalls but uhh….is that like??? idk.. is that too casual slash not very dateish?? #what says This Is A Date but is still comfy enough that i can sprawl the fuck out on his couch to watch movies in the ideal position #wait………..i could…….i might use him as a pillow…….omgggggggg…….ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s so fucking cute alfhskdjskfjsldndns #fuck i really hope he kisses me. idk. is rhat getting hopes up or something? ctrl^5can you tell i have issues letting myself be excited?ct^5 #it doesn’t matter!!! it’s exciting!!!! im excited!!!!!! i have a fucking date!!!!!!! with a guy i really like!!!!!!! and i wanna kiss him!!! #he’s just some guy #feeling very Oh GOD what if WHEN HE SEES ME—i like him and HE KNOWS IT???? about all this hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaah. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH #HOLY HEELLLLL!!!!!!! I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #oh my god what do i wear………..should i do makeup??? nahhh. i dont think im gonna. i wanna be as comfy as possible & im still experimental #fuckin. what if we kiss. what if we. you know. get together. and like i’ll have a boyfriend. holy shit what the fuck. i could have a boyfrie #i could have a boyfriend????? what the fucking hell????? what if it goes well and we kiss and he wants to get together???? how the hell do r #relationships start???? uggghhhhh!!!!!! writing about romance is so much easier than living it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can write meet cutes and #first kisses and getting togethers all day fucking long but FUCK if i’ve gotta go on a REAL LIFE DATE on my own!!????!!!!! #holy shit. i could go home for christmas and just be sat there like. 🧍they dont know that i have a boyfriend🧍 #wooooooaaaaaaahhhhhh. what a goddamn trip that will be. what the shit. holy fuck we could kiss??? we might kiss???? two besT FRIENDS???? #THEY MIGHT KISS????? THEY SHOULD KISS!!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLYYYYY SHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!!!! i have a date tomorrow. #🧍 #i— #i have a date tomorrow—

[rouge-the-bat]

i just KNOW im gonna kin one of these gay bitches once i finally watch sailor moon, but the question is, which one...

#i can often easily tell who im gonna end up getting kin feels for before i start a series #not always. and theres def some i dont expect to kin sometimes #but these two. i can feel it. one of them is gonna be kinned for sure #it hell its possible i might kin both. ive done that a few times even when its a kinship. dont ask me how that works #bc idk n idc i just kin and vibe with the feelings

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Someone help me out here please

I work at a summer camp, and at this camp we tell a legend at the end of every week, a fantastical story about the origins of camp. A very fun, very important part of camp. The story means a fuckton to me and a lot of people.

A part of why it means a fuckton to me is because a woman I used to be very close with used to tell the story, and then she passed it on to me to tell.

It's a long sad story about why we're not close, but the important thing to note is, we can't talk to each other. At all. And we agreed not to pass messages through other people or anything cuz it just really hurts.

Back to the story. It's oral tradition, but I decided I wanted to collect transcripts from as many of the storytellers as I can and put them all together to help preserve it, as it's so important to camp and many people. Part of the reason I started was because that old friend of mine gave me a transcript of the story. It means a lot to me because of her, I started this important project because of her, she's a big part of it even though she doesn't know it.

Soon I'm going to send the various transcripts I've collected to the people that have helped me. Everyone that's given me a story will receive the entire set I've collected and have access to it forever and ever, to see the new stories and watch the history grow. I think it'll be really super fucking cool.

The thing is. I believe that old friend deserves to have access to it all too. After all, she was such a big part of it. However, according to the promise that we made, I can't contact her either directly or indirectly. So I don't think I can just email her the transcripts with everyone else or give it to someone to pass on to her. Right?

I'm torn because:

She deserves to have this part of camp history because I know how important it is to her and how much she would love to see it grow. She really loves the story and she helped so much with the project, even if she doesn't know it. But she deserves to know it and it doesn't feel right to leave her out of this.

BUT at the beginning of the whole document I'm going to write a quick preface explaining the project and thanking those that have helped and etc. I have to thank her in that, everyone that gains access to the document should know how much she impacted it. But if she reads that from me, it might be too much. If I just sent her the stories, maybe, maybe that might be okay. But the foreword has to be included and she has to be included in it, but we agreed not to contact each other and her seeing that foreword might break the promise, if sending the document doesn't. Just sending the document would probably even break it.

She deserves to have it, but she doesn't deserve to have her trust in me broken, and I'm afraid that she'll be hurt by being left out, but also she might be hurt if I send it.

I texted my best friend, who's friends with both of us, and he said that I should just send it. But the is a really big, important thing that I could easily fuck up if I'm not careful. Do I play it safe and not send it, leaving her out even though I know that's not fair to her? Or do I take a risk and send it, even though it might hurt her?

#only two people know about why we cant talk #and thats my best friend and my girlfriend #both of them are friends with us both and theyve requested to be left out of any communication or problems between us #i only asked my best friend because he helps me think rationally and hes okay with smaller questions like that #but he wouldnt reach out to her to kind of get a feel for how she'd feel or anything. neither would my gf #and i fully understand and respect that #my best friend said he thinks i should just send it but idk if hes right #that old friend and i... theres a small possibility that eventually we could be friends again #if i dont fuck it up before then #but i honestly dont know what to do right now. i think either way i could fuck it up #this project has been such a source of happiness for me and finally i get to share it with people that have the same passion for it #but i remember through the entire process #i kept wishing that she couldve been there helping me #i knew she wouldve loved it and been so good at it and helpful #this couldve been ours. it made sense for it to be ours. it should have been ours #im so proud of what i did. and she helped. she doesnt know it but she helped so much #without her this wouldnt have happened #she deserves to know that. but im so afraid of what could happen #if i send it theres no going back. and maybe she wont consider it communication and she'll just appreciate it #or maybe she'll see it as disrespectful and there goes all possibility of us ever having a relationship again #but maybe she'll see it as disrespectful if i dont share it or give her credit. and she deserves credit. she deserves to see this #but i honestly have no idea one way or the other. what's the right answer? what do i do? #if y'all have some insight please lmk #i cant think rationally rn and i can't really talk to my best friend or gf about it #i was so excited until i realized i have to make this decision and now i have the anxiety shakes #im still excited. but also terrified. and shaking #help please

[pr]

everytime i talk to my younger brother, i feel like he gives me the same attitude he has about having to talk to our mom. and it makes me So Unbelievably Self Conscious about everything i do/say to him, like "oh i dont want to push too hard to get you to hang out with me" bc i only have the chance to see you for a handful of weeks a year since your college is across the country but bc our mom does the same kind of pressure/guilt for us to spend time with her i dont want you to feel i am repeating the same patterns, or "oh i'd love to connect with you on a more emotionally personal level" but if i 'pressure' you 'too much' to open up you'll think i'm behaving like our mother does when she does not accept our boundaries.

i just wish i could have that familial connection siblings have, but i feel like he only sees me of an extension of our mother despite my notorious and well known distaste for he for the entire time he has been alive lol bc i'm an emotional person who wants to care about him, and i absolutely do not want to be her, and i just...

idk, does anyone out there get what i'm saying? anyone else come from a broken family that fucked up your relationships with your siblings?

#its so fucking depressing. i feel like im walking on eggshells every time i talk to him #and when i do bring up that feeling hes just like 'ok' bc hes so emotionally stunted #or if i dont bring it up i just internalize it and feel like shit and i... #i wish i knew how to repair our relationship without him feeling obligated to talk to me #in the same way we both have always felt obligated to talk to our family bc we were told Family Is All That Matters or wtf ever #i wish there was 'couples' therapy but for siblings #and i wish even if that DID exist it was actually possibly bc he goes to yale and i am in texas and that is just not fucking practical #even if it was a webcam meeting. and i feel like if i asked for that emotional labor from him he is just so ABSURDLY #non-confrontational that he would agree to do it even if he didnt want to and just... #idk. none of this makes sense. he is my baby fucking brother. sorry for sounding demeaning but. he us #*is. i adore him so fucking much. he makes me so proud. but everytime i speak to him (which is limited at best) #i feel like he puts up the same wall with me he does with my mother/stepfather. and there isnt anything i can do to change thay #bc me showing him love or looking for his affection just seems to make him feel the same way our damn mother does #when she pressures us into doing 'fun activities' or whatever #i just....i love him so much. he makes me so fucking proud. he #*he's my baby bro. he's achieved so much. but everything i say to him feels like he thinks i am being just as #hollow and disingenuine as our mother... #sigh. this is so niche pol. sorry bye #op #tw sad #SHOULD I ADD THAT ALFJALAJA

[meguwumibear]

my friends asked to go see waitress tonight and did not tell me a thing about it knowing that the only major squick i have is pregnancy

#also i tend to avoid cheating when possible #and the musical is literally both omg #and when they asked how i felt and i was like #hmm #there were some aspects i didnt love #they like misheard me #like me not liking stories centered around cheating and pregnancy #does NOT mean i was ignoring the other aspects of the play (trauma #abuse) #idk maybe im just like extra sensitive about the pregnancy thing #because its why my relationships dont work out #and it sucks to constantly be bombarded with media about how your life changes for the better once you become a mother #ugh #cw pregnancy #<- just in case #also as im venting in these tags im realizing i maybe should just take up journaling again lmfaoo

[dhampir-dyke]

wurghrgh

#people i dont know asking me about like. my life and shit makes me so anxious #i suck so bad at socializing esp at work bc i have to act as Normal And Well-Adjusted as possible #and i already had one coworker bring up my real name (i use my birthname at work- Skids is for everything else basically) #luckily after tonight i wont see these ppl ever again bc its a different floor + unit but god. ugh. #idk whats a good answer idk how to best articulate myself so i dont sound stupid or uppity or both. this sucks. 0/10 #i dont want to explain to people that ive spent the majority of my childhood being the adult in my family and that i just wanna have fun #and try to enjoy my early 20s a little before i go back into the hell of academia

[an-emo-trashbag]

I just sent a text to my friend who I havent heard from in a long time and have been very worried about and I'm feeling very . about it

#our whole thing of communication has been that we both appreciate no pressure to reply so we take as much time as possible #but something kinda happened with her back after the last time i heard from her in june #and i havent recieved a response to any of my periodic texts #so ive been really anxious abiut them bc idk if shes okay #so i just texted them and then added on asking if she can let me know shes still alive #and i feel very bad about it. i dknt like expecting or asking for responses from anyone because I know how exhausting communication can be #but ive been going back and forth abiut doing this since halloween and in a moment of feeling joyed because i did well on my final exam #i finally sent a text asking #and now i am anxious out of my mind #i hope it turns out okay #i hope theyre alright #even if she never wants to talk ti me again. i just wanna know theyre alright #personal #i should probably start tagging this stuff as that so people can filter it out hfjfh #im sorry i havent been tagging personal stuff in the past #im gonna try and remember to now #*as much time as we need not as much as possible #i dont know if i made more errors or not i cant think

[srjlvr]

SEVEN ROYALTIES

“once upon a time there was a prince, who did anything he could to be with the love of his life” — park sunghoon.

park sunghoon x fem!reader genre: childhood friends to enemies to lovers , one sided love somewhere into the story , heavy angst , fluff ! warnings: character’s death (not a main character) , curse words. (lmk if i missed something pls!) || NOT FULLY PROOFREAD!!

WORD-COUNT ; 5.5K+

NOTE. wow i dont even know where to start! it’s been a real while! i think like more than a month, i’m extremely sorry for being gone, school is so stressful, but i got some time to write now and honestly? i missed it so much!! hopefully you’d like this part and don’t let it fool you, just because i’ve been gone for a while doesn’t mean i’m not continuing this wonderful series!! it was also supposed to be enemies to lovers but i honestly failed miserably and idk how to define it- some mentions of sunoo’s story are dropped here too :)

“why do you always look at me like that?”

“like what?”

“like i’m the most precious thing you’ve ever saw”

a few years into your childhood and you were already been told that you’re going to marry off to someone as soon as possible.

you, being the second princess and the least favorite one, had to deal with a lot of struggles through your childhood.

everyone loved your older sister more, praised her, cherished her, spoiled her, gave her whatever she wants.

you, on the other hand, had to work hard in terms of getting what you wanted.

you always looked up to your older sister, you can’t lie, you definitely understand why she’s getting all the attention to herself without even trying.

your mom is your favorite person, she’s actually your best friend.

some kids have hard time deciding what to answer when they’re being asked who’s their favorite parent, but you definitely know the answer already.

it’s your dad that never bats an eye to you, your mom however always tries to maintain her attention to both you and your sister. you’d do anything for your mom.

as much as you’re happy that you’re at least not a second option in your mom’s perspective, the king is the one who’s more dominant.

you’ve always tried to get your father’s attention, even for a mere second, but he always pushed you away, making you feel unworthy and sad.

at age six, you were forced to go with your mom to one of her friend’s kingdom, your neighbor kingdom.

everyone in royalty knows about the good friendship your kingdoms have, and they’re all surprised it still keeps on going.

royalty comes with a dangerous risk, people will always look at anything you do, and will not hesitate to attack if you happened to do something they’re not a fond of.

your kingdom suffered lots of wars, but won almost all of them.

at the very same day you were forced to go with your mom, you also met the person who finally had all their attention on you, the person who you could rely on no matter when.

“i’m y/n!” you extended your hand out with a smile.

“i’m sunghoon” he whispered and you tilt your head. he wasn’t shaking your hand and you couldn’t even hear him.

“what?”

“i’m sunghoon”

“i cant hear you!!” you shout and put your ear really close to his mouth.

“i’m sunghoon!” he shouted into your ear and you fell down while holding your ear.

“you did that on purpose didn’t you!” you pout and he laughed.

that’s when you realized his cute smile and the little dimples that grew on his cheeks.

he was cute, a cute and shy prince, you could get along perfectly with him.

and you actually did. you spent the rest of your visit just roaming around their castle.

he introduced you his six brothers, they were all very nice and funny, but only sunghoon interested you.

he told you about his interests and you told him about yours.

“i want to learn how to skate!” he said and you noticed his eyes growing in excitement while talking about it.

“it sounds really interesting!” you smiled and cheered him.

“what about you?”

“i actually don’t know” you sighed, “i want my father to pay more attention to me”

“who needs your father when you have me? i’ll be always here for you” he smiled.

“really?” you asked and he nodded, “really”

“promise me!” you held out your pinky and he locked his with yours, “i think promises are stupid, but only for you i promise to never leave you side”

“why are they stupid?”

“because sometimes you regret them, or even forget them, and you cant keep them forever”

growing up with sunghoon was something you could never explain.

having to suffer your father’s comparisons between you and your sister was something, but having to see sunghoon going through puberty was something else. scarier indeed.

the both of you were inseparable, to the point where your parents even started talking about marriage between the two of you when you were twelve.

every now and then in your teenage years, you’d come around his castle, your second home.

whenever you were pissed off with your father or just wanted some quiet, you’d find yourself going back to sunghoon, only he knew how to make you feel ten times better.

“what are you reading?” he asked you.

you were laying your head on his lap as he sat under a tree, it was a peaceful day and you wanted to enjoy some time with him.

“just some fairytale stories” you put your book on your stomach and looked at him who was already looking down at you.

“wishing it was you?” he teased.

you rolled your eyes and smacked the book on his head, “fairytales are the best!”

you returned to read the book while he kept staring at you.

“read for me” he asked and you looked at him, sharing an eye contact.

“hey”

“hm?”

“why do you always look at me like that?”

“like what?”

“like i’m the most precious thing you’ve ever saw”

sunghoon coughed a bit and looked away, “just start reading please, im interested”

“the princess then took the prince’s hand and held it tightly, slowly closing the gap between them and leaning in for a kiss—“

“never mind! i’ll just go sleep” sunghoon threw you off him and laid down next to you.

“you could’ve done that nicely!” you scoffed and he laughed.

he can’t explain it, but something about you makes him feel warm and comfortable. he loves your company more than anything else in this world and there’s nothing he loves more than staring at your gorgeous face.

spending a few years together made him long for you more and more every day that he’s not next to you.

he fell in love with you, and he fell hard.

you weren’t better either, every day without sunghoon for you felt like eternity.

he’s the only person you can see your future with, the only person who loves you for who you are and the only person that has his full attention on you.

you trust him more than you trust yourself and you family members.

on royal events, you’d be acting like a married couple, shooing away the singles royals that wants to catch you.

you belong to sunghoon and sunghoon belongs to you.

“it’s nice to meet you prince sunghoon” one filthy princess introduced herself to sunghoon while you stood by his side, holding his arm.

“likewise, meet my wife, y/n” he said, clearly uninterested in the princess but as soon as he looked over his side and met your eyes a smile formed on his face.

the princess scoffed and went away, finally letting you and sunghoon laugh it off.

“did you see the way she looked at you when you said you have a wife?” you held a hand over your chest, out of breath because of the amount of air you let out.

“please, it was so funny i’ll remember it for long” he nodded and you continued making jokes about everyone around you.

you shared your first kiss with sunghoon when you were fifteen.

“i love cherry blossoms” you said as you walked together with sunghoon under the cherry blossoms.

it was one of your favorite things to do with him, walking through the long road, hand in hand.

“and i love you” he let out.

“what?”

“what?” he repeated after you.

“what did you sa-“

he cut you off with a kiss, your first kiss.

cherry blossoms fell from the trees and the wind caressed your skin.

his lips were soft, locked with your lips. it was perfect, the kind of fairytale you were always wishing you could have finally came true, with the person you loved the most.

when you parted your lips to get some air, both of you giggled and he put his forehead against yours.

“i said i love you” he smiled.

“i love you too”

regardless of the sudden confession, you decided to stay as friends, and when the both of you will feel ready, you’d try it out.

at age sixteen, your mother’s condition started to go downhill. she got sick and had to take medical exams every now and then, ever since then, you decided to spend time with her as much as you could.

“good morning mom! how are you feeling today?” you asked with a huge smile on your face when you saw your mother.

“feeling as usual, nothing new” she gave you a weak smile, “have you eaten yet?”

you shook your head, “i was at the garden after father had his daily complains over me, i needed to take some breathes”

your mother nodded and hugged you, “i’m sorry your father is like that, if being a selfish father was a competition he’d definitely win”

both of you giggled and spent a few hours together.

you never told sunghoon anything about your mother’s condition, every time he’d ask about her well-beings you’d say she’s doing well but she’s too busy with duties, and he’d suspect nothing.

at the age seventeen, your mother’s condition worsened, she had doctors around her all the time.

“hello mother” you smiled.

“y/n! good morning” she tried to smile back.

“how are you—“

“i must ask you something before it’s too late” she cut you off.

“what is it?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while, and it might be silly and selfish of me to ask you to do that” she sighed, “please promise me you’re going to marry sunghoon”

“what?” you asked confused.

“he’s treating you well y/n, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you happier than when you’re with him. you’re perfect for each other” she nodded, “i don’t have much time left, hearing you promising you’d marry the man who makes you the happiest, would help me leave peacefully, to know that you’re going to live the life you deserve”

“i promise mom, i promise i’ll marry him but please, you have much time left, don’t say such nonsense!”

your mother hugged you and thanked you. guess it wasn’t so well-hidden that you were in love with sunghoon.

on one of the days your father called you. before walking inside his room you rolled your eyes, what kind of a complain he has now?

“hello father” you looked at him coldly.

“y/n,” he called, “i need to ask you to do something”

“huh?” you looked over him confused, “you never ask me for favors”

“your sister is too busy with her duties, so i trust you with this one” he shortly explained.

“okay,” you nodded, “what is it?”

“i need you to come with me to visit the other neighbor kingdom—“

“but we were never on good terms with them, they’re hybe’s kingdom biggest rivals too!” you cut him off.

“they’re the only ones that can help us with your mother’s condition. we must do anything we can to help her” your father sighed, “they have a son who’s interested in you, they requested to see you too”

you shook your head, “i’m not interested in him—“

“this is the only way to help your mother!” he shout and you backed away.

“what about hybe kingdom! can’t they help in any kind of way?” you argued.

your father shook his head, “they can’t do anything about it, and they must not know about your mother’s condition”

“so going to the rival kingdom and risking your good friendship is better?”

“you’re coming with me and it’s final”

a few days before your visit in your neighbor kingdom, sunghoon came over.

before he went to search for you, he heard two servants talking about something that drawn him to it.

“did you hear about y/n’s mother’s condition?” one of them said.

“it keeps on getting worse, poor y/n! i heard she has to go to the other kingdom to ask for their help together with the king” the other replied.

“i heard they’re the only ones that could help! hybe kingdom knows nothing about it because they don’t want to bother them too much, i also heard the son of the other kingdom is interested in y/n, what about prince sunghoon!”

“poor them, i just hope she won’t end up with their son. i was rooting for y/n and sunghoon endgame”

“agree, i also heard their daughter is interested in sunghoon! this is risky” she shook her head.

“y/n is strong, she won’t marry the son i just know it” they both nodded their heads and sunghoon slowly walked back.

he refuses to believe what he just heard. y/n’s mother’s condition worsens? y/n marrying someone else? he’ll never let that happen.

“sunghoon!” you called and hugged him, “i was searching for you instead of you searching for me”

sunghoon was not responding, he was too deep in thoughts and didn’t know how to stop them.

“sunghoon?” you waved your heads in front of him and he finally came back on track.

“i was just thinking about something” he smiled.

“would you like to talk about it?” you smiled warmly at him.

how could you smile so widely when youre going through all of this?

“it’s not something that should bother you” he smiled and kissed your cheeks.

you spent the rest of the day looking out for sunghoon, he was different today, as much as he didn’t want to show it, you noticed.

the next day sunghoon found himself standing in front of his biggest rival kingdom. he never thought he’d have to step his leg into this kingdom, but he’d do anything for you as long as he could.

“park sunghoon! i’ve never thought i’d witness a hybe royal inside my kingdom!” the king teased.

sunghoon closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, “i need your help and you’re the only one that can help me” he said firmly.

“we’re rivals, why would i want to help you?”

“because i have something you want” he sighed, “i’ll be getting my kingdom sooner or later, i’ll give it to you together with my crown”

“you’ll lose your crown for something possibly stupid?”

“i need you to help princess y/n’s kingdom. the queen’s condition is getting worse. i heard you gave the best doctors that can help her”

the king laughed, “you’re doing this for y/n and not for yourself? what a stupid prince you are!”

sunghoon looked away, fighting the urge not to stab the king and fight him.

“very well, i will help in exchange of your crown”

their agreement was that the king will send his best doctors to help your mother, and as soon as sunghoon will get his crown, he’ll give it to the king. if one of them breaks the agreement, it’s off.

a few days passed, and it was supposed to be your visit day in the other kingdom, except that it got canceled.

“did you tell anyone about this visit?!” your father shout at you and you shook your head.

“how come he sent me this stupid letter saying that if we step into his kingdom he’ll declare a war!”

“i don’t know! i did nothing!” you argued.

“something stopped him, more like someone! i’m going to find out who did this!” your father roamed outside his room, slamming the door harshly and you flinched.

a week passed and your mother’s condition wasn’t doing any better, the doctors told you it was already time to say goodbye but you refused to do so, you refuse to believe you won’t be able to see your mother everyday soon.

everything was too overwhelming and stressful, you decided to go to your second home, you needed some comfort and it’s been a while since you saw sunghoon anyway.

“what are you up to?” you found him in the castle’s garden, deep in thoughts.

“just thinking about something”

“by something you mean me?” you teased and he smiled, not answering your question because the answer is quite obvious.

you then hugged him tightly, and sighed deeply as you rest your forehead on his shoulder.

“is everything okay?” he caressed your back slowly.

“my mom isn’t doing well lately” you finally confessed. you had to let it all out and tell sunghoon the truth.

“she’s sick, too sick. and the last week was such a roller coaster, her condition isn’t getting better and it’s our time to say our final goodbyes, i’m not ready for that sunghoon” you sobbed, “i’m sorry for dumping it all on you and telling you all of this now when it’s late i just—“

“it’s okay” even though he already knew about your mother’s condition, he was so glad that you finally opened it up and told him, “i’m here for you”

he held you tighter than before and whispered sweet comfort words that always knew how to calm you down.

right after you left he thought about what happened.

he made a deal with the other kingdom, the king was supposed to help your mother, how come her condition worsened? something didn’t make sense to him at all.

“sunghoon!” his father called him and sunghoon rushed to the king’s room.

“yes father?”

“you’re getting married to our biggest rivals daughter and didn’t even tell us? are you out of your mind?” he shout.

sunghoon could’ve swore that in that moment his heart stopped beating, “what?” he asked in disbelief.

“the other king sent us a letter! inviting us to your wedding with his daughter! we’ve never been so humiliated, how could you betray your family?” his mother interrupted.

sunghoon shook his head, “there must be a misunderstanding—“

“how come?” the king asked, “your name is written on that letter! and it was probably sent to all the other kingdoms!!”

“what about y/n?!” his mother asked and his eyes widened.

“y/n…?”

“how do you think she’ll feel receiving that letter? huh?”

“no, no! none of this is true! you must believe me!”

“explain yourself then! we’re here waiting!” sunoo, one of sunghoon’s brother argued.

sunghoon sighed, shutting his eyes tightly and clenching his fists, “y/n’s mother, the queen, her condition is getting worse. she’s been awfully sick for a few years already, i overheard their servants talking about how only the other kingdom could help her because they don’t want to bother us. so i went to them myself, i made a deal with the king that he’ll help the queen in exchange of my throne—“

“are you out of your—“

“jay! let him talk” the queen shushed him.

“yes! i was ready to give up my crown if it means i can help her in any way!” sunghoon sighed, “the king obviously did nothing and lied to me! and now apparently im ‘marrying his daughter’ you know damn well that’s never going to happen because i want to marry y/n!”

sunghoon’s mother wiped out her tears and hugged sunghoon, “i’m sorry you had to go through this, you could’ve told us—“

“i didn’t want to bother you too, this story is complicated than you think”

“what about y/n’s mother’s condition?” the king asked quietly.

“y/n said it’s been getting worse, they started to say their final goodbyes” sunghoon whispered and the room became quiet, as a respect for the queen.

“you should go to her, to check on her” heeseung suddenly spoke.

“yeah, i bet she needs someone by her side right now” jungwon added.

sunghoon nodded and with his parents’ approval he went to your kingdom.

he searched for you around and saw you staring at your garden, he smiled for himself and tapped your shoulder.

“hey” he said.

“what are you doing here?” you asked coldly.

“what?” he tilt his head, “i’m here to visit you”

“don’t you have a wedding to go get prepared to?” you scoffed, “go away park, you’re not welcomed here anymore”

sunghoon had been stabbed a few times in his life, but your words hurt him more than ten stabs at once.

“you have to listen to me i—“

“there’s nothing to explain! i got the letter, saw your name on it and it was enough for me to understand this was all a game for you” you shout, “i can’t believe i actually believed your bullshit”

“i hate you, park sunghoon” you spit out, nothing but hate is in your fierce glance at him. he just chuckled, “you don’t mean that”

“oh i do,” you nodded, “and to think that i actually promised my mom i’ll be marrying you” you chuckled in disbelief.

“looking back at that promise, i realize why you used to believe that promises are stupid” you added.

“i’m sorry” he apologized, “sorry isn’t going to change anything, is it?”

“y/n—“

“just get out, please” you were being nice, asking him to leave and pointing your hands to the door although he already knew where to go.

sunghoon didn’t want to bother you, he thought you’d probably relax in a day or two, and he’d be able to talk it out with you.

you can’t just erase all your feelings and delete all your memories after so many years, right?

as soon as he got out he went to the other kingdom, to finally get some sense into that stupid, useless king.

“park sunghoon! so nice to see you my son-in-law!” the king said and sunghoon only wanted to punch his face.

“wedding? with your daughter? son-in-law? you’re out of your fucking mind!” he spit out.

the king only laughed in his face, “why? wouldn’t you like to be my son? i’ll take good care of you”

sunghoon rolled his eyes, “the deal is canceled, you won’t get any crown or another kingdom, fix whatever you did, you ruined my life anyway and you never even helped y/n’s mother”

“oh but i feel like i haven’t ruined your life enough”

“cut it off, we both know my kingdom will finish you once we’ll declare a war”

“what makes you think that?”

“i did” another voice was heard in the room.

sunghoon’s father stepped in and put his hand on sunghoon’s shoulder.

“and i’m afraid i also know too many secrets about you, old friend” he teased, “leave my son alone, and don’t you dare ruin his life again. he did a mistake asking for your help but he did what he had to do”

sunghoon’s father then dragged him out of the kingdom back to theirs.

right after sunghoon left your room, you went out to breathe and relax your brain a bit.

how could sunghoon do this to you? everything he ever said to you, every hug, every joke, was it all a lie to him?

there must be a reason behind it, but you’re too hurt to even care about it. no reason could be enough for you right now.

you decided to focus on being next to your mother, spending her last days together and showing her the brightest side of you, you didn’t tell her anything and she didn’t suspect anything so you just left it be.

three days passed ever since you last heard from sunghoon.

you miss him, you miss everything and anything about him. you needed his comfort the most right now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to see him.

“y/n, sunghoon is here to pay a visit” one of your servants informed you.

“tell him i don’t want to see him,” you sighed, “and tell him to take care” you whispered that line.

you refused to see him in any cost. you’re too angry to even care about his feelings right now. all you could feel is betrayal, and hurt.

in one of the next days, you went out to the garden to read some books and write on your diary.

when you got back inside the castle you saw your mother’s doctors standing with their heads down.

“we’re sorry your highness, we did everything we could” they said and couldn’t even make eye contact with you as their eyes were full with tears.

you froze there for a few minutes, you knew this day would come but could never prepare yourself enough for that. you didn’t want to believe this day would come so fast.

“please tell me i’m dreaming” you told them but they shook their heads, “we’re very sorry your—“

they got cut off when they saw you falling to the ground, sobbing and covering your eyes.

you were crying like a little child who lost their ice cream, refusing to get up and screaming at everything.

the last few days were just about you and her, she taught you everything you needed to know about life and royalty.

“you need to be a good wife to sunghoon!” she smiled.

“mom! he has to be a good husband before that!”

“you’re right! if he’s being mean tell him you’d leave him and take all of his money” she joked and you giggled.

“i don’t need money”

“you don’t, but you do need to annoy him and help him realize he’s nothing without you!”

all of those memories past by your mind all day, thinking about your dear mother, who was there for you when no one else was.

“who’s going to be by my side now, mom?” you asked quietly, “i already miss you so much”

it was dinner time in hybe’s kingdom, all seven brothers sat together with their parents.

“sunoo, we’ve found the perfect wife for you! you’re going to meet her at the ballroom on ni-ki’s birthday!! isn’t that exciting?” the queen clapped in excitement.

“yeah, very exciting!” sunoo tried to sound cheerful, but failed miserably in sunghoon’s eyes.

he pitied his younger brother for being the only one who’s being forced to someone he doesn’t even know.

sunoo explain multiple times to his parents that he wants to marry someone out of love, and that he believes that when it’s time, he’ll meet the one for him. but his parents turned deaf to his thoughts.

“i already met her once, she’s really pretty! the perfect pair for you!”

“your highness” a few servants came into the room and interrupted the dinner.

“is it important? we’re having dinner right now—“

“queen (name) of (name) kingdom is no longer with us” the servants lowered their heads as a respect and the king got up from his seat instantly.

sunghoon’s eyes widened, he was left speechless and froze in his place.

“we’ll be going to pay our respects tomorrow morning together, prepare yourselves” the king said and left the dining room.

sunghoon didn’t know what to do. it has already been a week and he’s been trying to reach out to you, but you rejected him every time.

he sent you letters but didn’t get any back. he was hopeless.

what is he supposed to do now? he didn’t even say his last goodbye to his mother-in-law.

the next day, you received loads of letters from loads of kingdoms, thanking the queen for her service and mourning her death.

hybe’s kingdom however, came personally to comfort you and the rest of your family.

the king and the queen, and six of their children. yes, only six of them. one of them was missing.

park sunghoon didn’t come to comfort you.

“we’re very sorry to hear the devastating news, the queen was the kindest soul we’ve ever got to meet” the king shook your father’s hands and pat his back.

the six sons came to you and hugged you. you hugged them back and broke down. the six sons already became your brothers long time ago, you felt safe around them.

“we’re sorry y/n, we’re here for you now” heeseung, the oldest one said with a comforting smile.

as much as you were thankful for them, you were hoping to see a certain person, a person who didn’t even bother showing up.

it only added up to your anger on him, how could he do that? what happened to always being there for you?

“sunghoon felt a bit sick and unwell today, he couldn’t get up from his bed, he really wanted to come” the queen smiled weakly at you and you returned the smile.

you spent the rest of the day with your six brothers, completely forgetting about your father and sister, they were here to comfort you and be with you.

“sunoo,” you called out, “hm?” he answered quietly.

“is sunghoon really sick?” you asked and he nodded, “i think the news about your mother caught him off guard, he couldn’t even speak after he heard the news”

you pressed your lips together and nodded, “please wish him well, i hope he’ll get better as soon as possible”

“i will do that” he smiled warmly at you.

just because you’re hurt by him, doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. he still holds a big place in your heart.

the next days passed by slowly, you spent most of your time in your room, sometimes even refusing to get out for a whole day.

sunghoon crossed your mind every day. your last words to him crossed your mind every day too.

you said you hate him, but you lied. you love him, you love him too much that it hurts.

you feel too betrayed and hurt by him but it’s somehow the last thing that interests you.

you just need to see him and hug him. but your ego wouldn’t let you.

so you waited for him to fight for you, you knew he’d try again, and again, and again, that’s just the person that he is.

after a while of isolating yourself in your room, you decided to get out and read some books.

that’s what your mom would want you to do, to move on and start a new life.

as you were reading your book, you heard a familiar voice calling you.

“y/n,” your heart skipped a beat. you were too scared to turn around and see the person you were so hoping to see for so long.

“please tell me you’re not who i think you are” you breathed slowly.

“i’m sorry” he let out.

you finally decided to turn around and you met his eyes. it’s been a while since you last saw him, you missed staring at his beautiful face, and his beautiful moles that made his face look ten times better, his kissable lips that always felt soft against yours, you missed everything about him.

“please,” he whispered, “please hear me out this time”

you blinked a few times, still not believing that he’s actually in front of you.

“you didn’t show up when i needed you the most, you betrayed me and lied to me, why would i listen to any of your excuses now?” you argued, but deep down you wanted to hear him so badly.

“y/n please” he pleaded, “just listen to what i have to say, and it’s up to you wether to believe it or not, just please, i don’t want us to break apart without you hearing the reason behind it”

you let out a few tears to fall and slowly nodded, he was right, you never let him to explain himself, you were too selfish and cared about your feeling that you didn’t even care about his.

he told you the whole story from the start, and you were sobbing your heart out.

“i’m sorry,” you let out, “i’m sorry for refusing to listen to you, i’m sorry for rejecting you so many times, i’m sorry for telling you that i hate you—“

“stop apologizing stupid,” he chuckled, “it’s over now isn’t it? we’re even now right?”

“it’s over now, promise me you won’t ever hide from me something like that again” you extended out your pinky.

“but you said that promises are stu—“

“not when it comes to you” you smiled.

instead of locking his pinky with you he cupped your face and pulled you into a kiss.

“i love you y/n, i’m sorry it took me a while to get back to you” he whispered.

“i love you too sunghoon, im sorry for rejecting you multiple times” you giggled.

“finally! get married already and leave this kingdom please!” you heard your sister in the back.

“i’m sorry that my sister can’t be a bit more like your brothers” you awkwardly smiled and sunghoon laughed.

“she’s right though, let’s get married as soon as possible and get our own kingdom” he pecked your lips.

“IN TWO DAYS??”

“well you said you wanted to get married as soon as possible! i already planned everything!” sunghoon’s mother smiled and hugged the both of you.

“can’t say i’m not biased, i’ve been shipping the two of you ever since you both met” the king added.

“are they gonna have babies as soon as possible now too?”

“NI-KI!!!!”

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PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @lovelovelovebts @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @dhriti-stories @ariadores @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 (bold means cannot be tagged)

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#enhypen imagines #enhypen drabbles #enhypen #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #enhypen headcanons #enhypen sunghoon #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon angst #sunghoon drabbles #enhypen x reader

[1800-lemonadeg1rl]

Anyone other than you

Summary- You and your supposed "enemy" get stuck in a cupboard while on a duo mission

Warnings- violence, gunshots, emo Wanda, mean Wanda, forced proximity, claustrophobia, confusion, not proofread!!

A/n - I dont know whether I hate this tbhhh idk whether it's because it took me sm breaks to write it but it feels off idkk

You entered the quinjet while sighing to yourself. How did you let this happen? You thought as you buckled on your seatbelt. Getting put on a duo mission with the one woman on the team who hates your guts. Wanda Maximoff.

You never had any idea what you'd done to make her despise you so much but nothing you ever did seemed to make up for it. Everytime you spoke in a meeting you could feel her stare digging into your soul. The way she'd scowl when she entered what she'd presume to be an empty room only to find you inside. She'd always mumble something in a language you didn't understand before flouncing out the room. Things weren't any better when you were part of a group with her either. She'd barely respond if you asked her something or flat out ignore you.

It wasn't like you hadn't tried to get along with her either, trying to be as friendly with her as you were with everyone else. Offering to make her food, help her with household chores or help out with her mission reports but nothing you did ever seemed to stop her from glaring at you. She wasn't known to be the most outgoing person but you never saw her act this way with anyone else so eventually you gave up deciding it best to ignore her the way she did you.

Now, unfortunately you didn't have that luxury anymore. You'd begged and begged Tony not to put you on this duo mission even contemplating getting ill to avoid it. He had insisted you had to go on this mission apparently you and Wanda had the 'specific' skills skillset for this mission, whatever that meant you knew he was just bullshitting to get you to shut up.

So now here you were getting ready to set off on your two day long stealth mission with the girl who could barely stand to look at you let alone talk and work with you.

☆

You'd arrived at the hotel room you'd be sharing with Wanda and thanked God that you'd got their first and the fact there was two beds. Quickly you threw down your bag on the bed closest to the window and began to check out the rest of the hotel room.

You were smelling the soaps in the bathroom when in clomped Wanda, her doc Martins still managing to make some kind of noise over the soft carpeted floor. She was dressed in a long baggy grey sweater and black skirt with patterned fishnets. Her hands adorned with rings and her short bitten at nails painted black.

"It smells of smoke." She thinks out loud without noticing your precense in the room.

"Yeah sorry about that it's my new signature perfume." You try to joke hoping she might happen to be over her constant anger with you. You study her face through the bathroom mirror as you speak watching out for her reaction. At first you see the possibility of a smile forming on her face and a rosy colour on her cheeks but quickly it's replaced by her signature scowl and a disgusted noise sneaking past her lips.

"Oh. You're here." She talks as if she'd expected someone else to be here despite the many debriefs you'd had together about this mission.

You for one had had enough of her attitude around you acting as if you were something below her. "Yes I'm here like it or not. Can we at least just be civil for the sake of this mission." You groan while walking over to where she's stood, raking your hands through your hair. In response she grumbled out some kind of agreement and that was it.

So far things had been going fine, you'd both kept to your own routine with minimal communication between the two of you. For the most part you'd spent your time exploring the hotel you were staying in. It was cheap and smelt damp. You for sure would be complaining at how you got booked in this dingy one star place once this mission was over. You'd been excited originally as the hotel advertised having a twenty five metre indoor swimming pool which was plenty to keep you occupied however when you inquired at the desk the receptionist, who'd been ignoring you stood there for ten minutes while she read her magazine, told it was shut indefinitely.

Eventually you had to return to the room and when you did Wanda was already fast asleep on her bed, small snores sounding occasionally. You took note of how pretty she was when she wasn't scowling before sliding into your own bed for the night.

☆

You'd done the first half of the mission with relative ease, you and Wanda putting a side your differences for the greater good. Now it seemed as if things were taking a turn for the worse. Upon arrival you'd both scouted the building for any kind of agents or security around the building but found none however now it seemed the building was filling up with them. Two men following behind who you were attempting to fire at and run away from, which is much harder than Natasha makes it look in training.

From the whimper of pain which sounded sounded out and echoed down the corridor you assumed you shot one. This was your chance to lose them and Wanda realised that too as you both picked up the pace of your running.

Out of nowhere she grabbed your arm and dragged you inside a small dark box? No it can't be a box you thought as you looked above you and saw an empty clothing rail. It was a cupboard. Your eyes scanned around the little space you had while trying to avoid eyecontact with Wanda who was leaning over top of you with one hand next to your head against the wall of the cupboard to keep her upright.

Quickly the cramped and uncomfortable space became all too much for you. The lack of oxygen in there made you take shallow breaths and sweat pooled from your forhead. It felt like the walls were closing in. You should get out. No you had to. Trying to move to force yourself out startled Wanda who gripped onto your shoulder to avoid you both tumbling out and compromising your hiding place.

"What are you doing? Just stay still." She whispered angrily. Had her voice always sounding that good up close? At that thought a frown crossed your face and you briefly forgot how badly you needed to get out of this space you were entrapped in. It didn't make you completely forget though as you came to your senses and stopped thinking about how nice Wanda's voice was and remembered how your heart was thundering in your chest and you whole body ached to get out of this cupboard.

"Have to.. to get out." You breathe out, expecting some kind of rude response from her as your breathing further quickens and vision fogs up. Her actual response is nothing you'd ever thought you'd hear her say.

"Look at me y/n." She waits to make sure your making eyecontact with her before continuing. "Its going to be okay, this is all okay and this is nothing you can't do. Just focus on me not the four walls.." her voice was soothing and not completely unlike a lullaby. You still felt unsettled but nothing like before when you were desperate to get out. "Your gonna be fine." She says again as she takes your hand in her own gently squeezing it. The cool feeling of her silver rings against your sweaty palms helping further calm you down as your breathing once again becomes steady.

After a few minutes of silence where you just focus on your breathing and the feeling of Wanda's thumb rubbing against the back of your hand you begin to speak. "Thanks.. I know you don't really like me or anything but I appreciated that a lot."

"Its nothing really... also your stood on my foot." She tells you returning to her usual cold snappy voice. Quickly you moved your foot away muttering apologies as you did, unsure how long you'd been stood on her foot. "I don't hate you either. Well not really."

Your about to question her on why she acts this way around you if she really doesn't hate you but before you can she opens the cupboard door and you both stumble out thankful for the airy space around you. "Don't bring this up y/n." She says before leading the way out leaving you trailing behind a little confused. Was she mean? Did she hate you? Was that all for the mission?

#wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda x you #marvel #wanda fluff #wanda marvel #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximov #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximommy #wanda maxmoff x y/n #lemonade writes☆• #bad writing #mean wanda #emo wanda #debating deleting this rn