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canisalbus · 9 months

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What's Machete's sexuality? Is he bisexual? 💙💜💗

He's homoromantic demi or something along those lines.

#answered #anonymous #somewhere on the asexual spectrum and very daintily interested in men #of course these specific labels weren't available for him so he sees himself as gay which is also true #deeply closeted and repressed one especially at the beginning but still

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 5 months

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i love skk theyre so everything

#and i mean this literally my perception of them changes so often #theyre all of it at the same time #like with all hcs really #they exist in thr void #yes they're dating yes they've been pining since 15 no since 16 since 17 they didn't realize they liked each other until now theyve been #hooking up since they were teens actually since the dungeon scene no they've never fucked but they really wish they did or they dont #but it would be nice if it was with each other theyre basically friends with benefits they made out on the side sometimes no theyre so #oblivious or repressed they dont even think about it theyre literally just weird besties who think about each other all the time theyre #literally best friends until the end they dont even like each other romantically or sexually but theyre there until the end actually theyre #somewhere in between and they dont know how to describe it other than it being them #what they are is soukoku it just IS dazai and chuuya and that includes whatever the fuck theyre doing #etc etc #skk

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ecoamerica · 21 days

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aphel1on · 7 months

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not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

#he is easy to hurt. this is a fact. it is also anathema to his own self conception as well as the model of him in anyone elses minds.#xue yang #yi city #mdzs #aphelion.txt #xy #Contact is crisis; every touch is a modified blow #<- xycore anne carson quote. if you even care #meta #i guess? idk #it is always character analysis hour in my head #with a disclaimer that whether or not someone experiences empathy is NOT correlated to their morality #i dont think its necessarily that xy is incapable of empathy it's that any empathy that might exist in him is deeply deeply repressed #bc he views it as a death warrant. he (at every moment in his head and really quite often in reality) is on trial for his life #and it would be suicidal to give a shit about anyone who is not him.#especially since he knows- down to his bones- that no one is ever going to give a shit about him EXCEPT FOR him #the one chance he ever got to escape this cycle of brutality came with an expiration date built in by consequence of his past atrocities #and he only first started to comprehend anything about his own emotions after it was all already irrevocably fucked #in canon he is doomed. in fandom i am always picking him up and putting him somewhere kinder #shakes you by the shoulders do you understand what he does to me. do you. do you #if you tell me im excusing his crimes i will kill you w my lazer beam.#this isnt ABOUT THAT. this is ME BEING UNHINGED ABT HIS PSYCHOLOGY in a moral vaccuum.#i'm not saying 'hes sensitive uwu' but like i kind of am. unfortunately it mostly just motivates him to murder people #OH and when i connect the fragility to the tenderness i dont mean that i believe hes like. secretly soft #i mean that being as he is so deeply impacted by people's slights against him. he is just as deeply impacted by people's kindnesses #and he's not incapable of reciprocating it. he is INCREDIBLY fucking bad at it. but not incapable #ok i have to post this before i feel compelled to ramble any longer in the tags. jesus #got consumed by my a-yang feelings on a sunday morning sorry #not sure why i worded it as 'continues to survive' other than a constant subconscious denial that xue yang is dead

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demonbloodenthusiast · 8 months

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91w deancas is so delusional cause they been making heart eyes at each other since day fucking one, calling the other sweatheart, thinking of kissing the other innocently just for the sake of the other being kissed, because they deserve that softness in the midst of all the chaos around them and the minute they actually get to it (motherfucking 200 pages in mind you) they try so hard to revert it back into something purely phisical with no emotions involved AND THEY KNOW THAT IT'S MORE BUT IF THEY BOTTLE IT UP AND IGNORE IT THEN ALL THE REVERENCE OF MOST OF THEIR LOOKS AND TOUCHES WILL JUST DISAPPEAR which is the epitome of the dilusional repressed gay way of doing anything

#shut up i'm feeling things again #like mind you i'm talking about shit up til chapter8 #THIS HAS BEEN ROMANTIC THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME THEY'RE JUST SO SCARED TO FEEL ANYTHING #like cas the repressed gay boyTM losing all self control for the first time cause of dean #and dean “just had a queer awakening caused by my CO and i'm too new to having gay thoughts to be ashamed” winchester ???#it's a mess yall and i'm torn between being mad as hell and supporting each sorta shitty decision either of them makes #i wanna say mostly cas #but like as estabilished before #religous trauma blah blah repressed gay shit blah blah #you know how it is #i think i lost the train of thought somewhere along the way #ANYWAYSSS #i'm gonna be talking about 91w again constantly cause i'm plauged by thoughts #91w #destiel

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deepfriedpaddymayne · 11 months

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I know I roast Augustin for this moment all the time but also the more I look at it the more I want to bang my head against the wall because like. my immediate reaction to this is "my man how touch starved do you have to be to enjoy yourself in this situation" but we KNOW he's not touch starved. we see him be very physically comfortable with his friends. which brings me to my other question which is HOW REPRESSED do you have to be to enjoy yourself in this situation

#sas rogue heroes #augustin jordan #paddy x augustin #ok so here's the thing #i don't think augustin sees himself as repressed #i think he IS comfortable with his sexuality and that he knows what he wants #however i also think he keeps a pretty tight grip on all of it #so like. of course physical desire is fine he's a grown man but only when he can rationalise it and control it.#i genuinely think that's why he lies about having a wife after i think he just gets kind of overwhelmed with huh. you know. in this scene #and just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind #also because the moment immediately after that gif you can see him setting his jaw like he's annoyed #and I SWEAR at least some of that annoyance is at himself #anyway i think paddy should keep making him insane. never forget what they took from us #whoops ramble in the tag alert #i am sorry i have thoughts and crunchy is away and i am giving myself a short writing break so i need to get them out SOMEWHERE #oscar rambles

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mossymandibles · 10 months

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How google sees me after all my trawler boat interior reference collecting

Yet again trying to design Kraw’s boat

#ill admit looking at the little kitchens and stuff makes me want to just live on a little boat by myself #i could pass for a tanned grizzled loner that warns you of the seas unnatural fearsome beauty #having an eternal grudge with some large sea creature that represents my repressed inner demons or something #haunted by forbidden horros I’ve witnessed on an unmarked isle somewhere #yeah yea its all coming together #I have my future figured out #not art #mossytalks

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noxturnallyevermore · 1 year

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saw a tag that said "No Beta - We Die Like Steve Harrington's Heterosexuality"

and my immediate reaction was "steve's heterosexuality died in s1" so.... fair

was he ever even heterosexual or was it just the script what was heteronormative? cause looking back at it, joe keery never played this man as straight

I'm telling you rn, look at his interactions with tommy and jonathan

steve is a whole fruit, the closet is made of glass people

#i refuse to believe that eddie munson is steve harrington's biwakening btw #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #eddie is probably why he comes out of the glass closet #maybe his first boy kiss or boy fuck #or the reason he admits he's bi #but there is no way in hell he didn’t acknowledge somewhere deep inside of him that he's attracted to men #then repress it cause homophobia

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designernishiki · 11 months

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brings me great joy to remember the fact that (aside from serena) the main bar kiryu frequents is a queer bar hosted by drag queens and run by a trans lady. like legit that fact sounds too good to be canon but it literally is

#the main one he frequents by personal choice anyway as opposed to serena (and sometimes shellac) where he’s usually there because someone #else frequents it or needed to meet him somewhere or someone working there is connected to him etc #earth angel initially doesnt really have any predisposed big plot reasons for him to go there let alone recurrently for decades #he just. likes it. and likes ako’s company. and they never really explain anything further than that #honestly it screams repressed gay guy seeking community without knowing it to me. like as in: he’s more comfortable there than most bars and #knows that probably but doesn’t know why or doesn’t try to think too deeply into exactly why #I mean… he says to goromi he feels more comfortable talking to her/him than most women #so I mean. that tracks doesn’t it.#you could argue it’s has to do with him being incessantly hit on by straight women to an uncomfortable degree but I don’t really think #that explains it becuase he’s hit on/flirted with by queer folks as well- ako herself outwardly flirts with him #but of course never to that uncomfortable a degree in my opinion (especially considering he already knows her and whatnot most of the time)#but yeah so I think it’s a little deeper than that.#anyway gshgdshfh rambling. this is just. god I seriously wonder sometimes what the studio is thinking when they do these things #the combination of this + what he says/does with goromi??? ghagghgsggh how do you NOT read him as queer/mlm what the fuck dude #kiryu #yakuza #rambling

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merkerlerspeaks · 4 months

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on a scale of 1-10 how silly would it be to ask folks to pray that I find a piece of jewelery I lost. It's not particularly valuable monetarily but its very precious to me and Im afraid I lost it outside of the house. I cant find it anywhere it should be. It could be in the pocket of the either the pajama pants or outside pants I wore the last day I saw it (the 19th) or it could be buried under something in my old bedroom, or it could be at my friend's moms house or somewhere between here and there. Trying not to stress over it but its just become precious too me.

#Its just one of those shark bracelets from one of those scam ocean charity sites #But I have used it as a grounding tool to help me focus when I need to get my head on straight so its been through a lot with me #a replacement just wouldn't be the same either plus I don't want to give more money to scam charities than they already get #and writing this out is helping me calm down about it #as Im writing I realize that I tend to freak out a lot when I realize that something precious is missing and can't chill out until I find i #and thinking about it. I know exactly where that stems from #not something I ever considered before but a lot of things precious to me got burned when I was little #and at one point I repressed the memory and would search for things that got burned up for hours because I had no idea where they went #but yeah anyway Im gonna try to chill. It'll turn up Lord willing #Im just scared I lost it in my friends old house or somewhere between here and there and I'll never see it again #I do not like it when things like that disappear I do not like it at all #I just worry about all the possible places it could be lost forever in or where it could have gotten ruined #I also just have ADHD forgetfulness so I get paranoid I left it like in a walmart bathroom or something #I know I didn't but I have almost lost things that way before #Like even if it is just gone and lost forever I just want to know where it is #merkerler speaks #prayer request #bc I am spazzy about these things #need to be careful about it bc it mirror's some of my dad's OCD tendencies

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rawliverandgoronspice · 10 months

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Desperately trying to write Ganondorf as someone capable of desire, like it was one of my goals going in these stories (I'm aroace and trying to challenge myself on this front creatively as I have a super hard time writing romance and attraction), and......... the more I write and the more I see him sliding further and further into the ace spectrum and I'm like....... this is just.... beyond my control isn't it

#thoughts #ganondorf #shitpost #honestly I do kind of picture him somewhere in the ace spectrum canonically? like it makes the most sense out of everything?#he's into Power and magic and cool horses and fucked up creatures and uhh yep that's about it #(also I HC him as probably... bi at the Very Least in some form)#(maybe in a way that is very very repressed or never concretely comes up but)#(like... first of all have you Seen him with men it's a disaster)#(also I feel like it's the only plausible outcome of being raised exclusively with women)#(while being told to both embody AND be wary of a vague idea of masculinity he barely has concrete access to)#(the mind loves to twist the mysterious/dangerous/innaccessible/Anxiety thing into something else is all I'll say)#(wanted to explore that in descant but never really got the opportunity so vOv in a random tumblr post it goes)

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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did kyle cry when he found out raven was stan

yes...A Lot.

which is kind of a big deal, because jersey kyle...

never cries.

ever.

so its a large part of the Why Can't Jersey Say I Love You ask meme, that, ik, is taking me forever -- i have so many asks rn haha -- but for the sake of context/lore, i will summarize part of it here. ( badly )

in essence, kyle, who is the least okay/mentally fortified person ever, is under the false pretense that everything in his life is fine...bc he refuses to process that it isn't. because to him, as long as everything is going to plan, w/ no detours or distractions...Everything Is Perfect.

see, kyle...likes to plan. kyle likes order. kyle does not like chaos.

he does not like to deal with messy, complex human emotions, fussy things, upsetting things, dramatic things, any kind of touchy feelings. its inefficient, makes you vulnerable, its embarrassing, its impractical. most of all...its unpleasant/upsetting. kyle doesn’t do unpleasant and upsetting...kyle Is unpleasant and upsetting.

and after stan died...kyle wept inconsolably. he cried rivers, lakes and oceans, day in and day out, only to realize that all the puffy eyed, red cheeked, blubbering and snot...were for naught, because kyle could cry until he died of dehydration, sob until his chest was swollen, scream until his throat was raw & bloody; it didn't matter.

because it wouldn't bring stan back.

...that no matter what he did, how hard he begged, bartered or pleaded...at the end of the day, his sweet, precious stanley marsh was still Dead and kyle was still the same sad little boy he always was, drowning in his sorrows & his dead super best friend's jacket, weak and whimpering, eyes warbling. a waste. a weakling. a worm.

so one day...he just...Stopped.

he just stopped feeling things.

completely.

as a coping mechanism ( aka not-coping ) he just decided to compartmentalize all those uncomfortable, intense feelings, anything that wasn't useful to him and ignored them all together. pretended like they didn't exist. will not humor them. which makes sense bc in addition to not crying, kyle also doesn't laugh.

this, i think, is interesting because, to keep himself 'safe' and in working order at all times, kyle doesn't think about unpleasant things, he also is outwardly abhorrent to prevent things from getting to close to him, anything he could get attached to or might get sentimental about because he doesn't like to be vulnerable at all.

conversely, stan feels things extremely deeply and all the time. so he is constantly in distress and disarray because at all times, he is aware of how Sad he is and can't compartmentalize things like kyle can.

( can we see why it might be super easy for ravenstan to tell someone he loves them and why it would be really hard for jerseykyle? fML )

but back to kyle who count on both hands...maybe one hand...the amount of times he's cried.

he cried the morning after the sadie hawkins dance in sixth grade when all the news crews and ambulances and firetrucks were at stans old house, watching them put shelley in a body bag, and telling him like, in stans jacket, that they couldn't find him and that the flames were so hot that he probably got incinerated in the blaze.

he cried when he found out raven was stan. it was...a lot.

he also cried...

...when they broke up during the ravesey divorce. </3

like it was....Oooooof. it was so sad and fucked up. like when i tell you jersey kyle, like scary ass jerseykyle, who never bends to Anyone, was literally on his hands and knees begging ravenstan to stay I'MMM :(

he was clinging onto the hem of stan's shorts, absolutely devastated, lip quivering, fucking hyperventilating like nononono--stan, don't go! please, Please don't go! please, please, please don't go! :(( don't leave!! don't leave!! waitwaitwait!!! i do! please just--just Wait!!! :(( i do, baby! i Really do! so, so much and -- i! FUCK!!! i can--i can Say it! please just give me one second! i can--NO!!! NONONO sTAN, PLEA

sigh....*narrator vc* He Could Not Say It.

it was sooooo goddamn AWFUL!!! like literally the one thing that kyle fears the most in the world is losing stanley marsh which had already happened once and was now happening AGAIN??? oh my Godddd

his abandonment issues are so gnarly :'(

aStandonment more like

he also held it together while stan was there, however, the second that door closed, kyle wept BROKENLY into stans big shirt, full body shaking, knees to his chest, loud, open mouth sobbing, the knees of his pajama pants drenched, desperately trying to reach stan, to try and explain himself with words that wouldn't come, only to find that stan had blocked him...On Everything.

it was AAAaaAAa ;-;

uUuUuGh!!! plus it's sooooo sad and Scary when jerseykyle cries because it basically triggers a massive, full-blown Panic Attack!! because he's like oh god why am i suddenly feeling every bad thing ive ever repressed? why can't i breathe? why does my Chest Hurt??

:(( jErSey

hell is a PLACE, bitch!

anyways...tldr: yes, kyle did cry when he found out raven was stan. he cried when he lost stan, found stan...and then lost stan again.

fun! :)

-uncle nina, jojo posing at the gates of gay boy angst hell