#***Also she teaches my Hawke how to do blood magic safely because FUCK the way everyone talks to her about blood magic

[obessivedork]

I have this mental image of Merrill teaching my Hawke Dalish lore and magic because she’s got a (probablly Dalish but they really don’t know for sure bc of how young Malcom was when he was taken away) Elven granddaddy and she’s DESPERATE to learn more about his culture! Anything! Everything!

#My cannon Hawke's grandparents on Malcom's side were a Mage with feeble enough magic she managed to stay under Templar radar #and a Dalish elf who inexplicably fell in love with a Shem and left his clan to live in her villiage with her #Merrill claiming she's bad with people but she gets to sit on a chair in her little hut in act 1 while Hawke and the twins DRINK UP #every OUNCE of knowledge she's willing to share! Well. Maybe not Carver as much bc of his whole 'move forward instead of looking back' thing #but he's got a big fat crush on Merrill so it balances out and he listens anyways #HC that she CAN do healing magic she just can't mechanically in game bc she's so insecure about it #Post- DA2 she gets to teach kids magic!!!! All around the Alienage at first but then word spreads and it's every kid in Kirkwall! #Merrill growing past her insecurities and the things Marethari told her about herself and growing into being an EXCELLENT voice of authority #in Kirkwall's Alienage!!! 😭❤ #***Also she teaches my Hawke how to do blood magic safely because FUCK the way everyone talks to her about blood magic #but that's a secret because Hawke doesn't want anyone else knowing #& we're ignoring the 'half breed' comment that was an emotionally charged moment xoxox <3 #dragon age #Merrill

[writers-blogck]

A New Adventure  ( Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader ) 03

Warning(s): This will not follow the storyline completely for the second season of Critical Role. This story is more like the characters being placed in a different situation. Also, this story is inspired heavily by https://mollymaymaukme.tumblr.com/. Go read their stories about Molly. They are so good! Translation: Scheiße = Shit Title: A New Adventure Begins Number in Series: Three Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf x Reader Fandom: Critical Role Word Count: 2,901  

Song

 "So, we have a couple of questions for you," Fjord spoke up first, a gentle smile on his face as though it could coax you into feeling comfortable and ignore the group's eyes that were watching you like a hawk. You knew what they were thinking, this was why you had tried to hide what you were from them. What if they didn't want to keep helping you now? Why must it become complicated now when the town wasn't that far off?    You were placed on the back of the wagon, legs hanging over the edge. The entire group stood before you, including Caleb who seemed right as rain again. Everything that had happened seemed fuzzy to you, as it always did. All you could remember was Caleb on the ground, pain in your eyes, and the rough hand against your skin. Trying to think about what happened just made light dots show up and make you feel dizzy once again. When was the last time you had fainted? The look in their eyes bragged you back to reality and make you think how all of this must seem. How could you even explain what had just happened when you didn't understand it yourself?    "So, hey, uh, want to tell us what the fuck you did back there? I know it was so cool but it would be nice to know you won't go all mother nature gone bloody on us. So, I would start talking." Beau's hands rested on her hips, radiating an aura of power and control. She was going to get an answer out of you one way or another. A flash of memory popped up of the drow acting the same way. Oh, Gods, there were the sparkles again.    "I, well, I don't really understand it."    "Oh, you don't? Great!"    "Nott!" Molly spat out, kicking the goblin lightly enough to get his point across.    "Well, I know it is magic," You continued, "I can't really control it or even decide what it does. I just pass out when it does its thing. All I know is that it happens when my emotions, especially fear, are really strong. I feel it growing like a bubble until it becomes too much and it just explodes out. Except the bubble is made of magic."    "She did help us from getting killed or hurt out there."    "Fjord has a point and I think we should listen to him."    "Of course Molly is on her side!"    "Want to say that again Beau?!"    "Scheiße, will you all be quiet and let me speak?" Caleb shouted out, something you didn't think was possible, "Alright? Listen up, all of you!"    "The girl is magic, ja? She does not have magic, she is magic. She is made of it, it runs in her blood. She is a sorcerer and an untrained one at that. Her magic will lash out to protect herself when it feels threatened enough. As long as you don't make her feel terrified in the future, she won't lash her magic out at you. She isn't very dangerous."    Just as the others listened, so did you. You knew it was magic within you and how it reacted to your emotions, but you never had a word for it. So, you were a sorcerer...How strange. Now that you had a word for it, you may be able to learn more about what you were. There must be research out there that could help you learn. It also meant that there had to be other people out there like yourself. Maybe if you could find some of them, they would be able to help teach you how to control your powers. You couldn't follow that thought train at the moment though because there were a bunch of people staring at you, definitely trying to figure out if they should keep you or not.    The way they each looked at you made a shiver run down your back. Caleb just looked tired, Jester confused, Fjord was unreadable, and Nott and Beau were judging you. You couldn't blame them. You didn't tell them about your magic and then scared them with it. You never had to deal with explaining your powers before. The drow sensed it in you and before, well, you couldn't remember how it was like before the drow.    "Please, I have nowhere to go. If you could just help me get to a town, I will leave you alone then. I promise," You begged, your tone sounding pitiful. It was obvious how much you needed help.    "The girl just needs a ride to town," Molly spoke in a soft tone, his eyes showing compassion in them. They looked so soft and kind, something you had never seen before. He may be a tiefling but he was acting so kind. Maybe you were wrong about what you were told about the race. Perhaps it was possible for tieflings to be kind.    "And then what will she do?" Fjord offered, "There should be a plan. Not saying we don't help it, it is just a good idea to figure out everything beforehand."    "I don't have any place to go, but that doesn't matter. I just need to get away from the Underdark opening. I can figure out what I can do from there, I'll find a job and then I'll find a place to sleep. Nothing worse could happen to me there then what happened below the ground. I could find someone to help me learn how to control my magic. I will be fine if you just can help me get to the town."    Molly stared as you spoke, thoughts racing around his mind. He knew there were so much you didn't understand. People could use you so easily and without any money, you might have to do a job that Molly would hate to imagine. You didn't know how the world worked up here and he didn't want that to ruin you. He didn't know why he cared so much, perhaps it was just the good in him. Even if they gave you money, there would be no one there to help you learn. Yasha had been there for him, he would have definitely messed up something without her. But you didn't have a Yasha, you had nothing.    "Oh, I know! Why doesn't she just come with us? Her powers are like totally awesome!" Jester piped up in her high pitched excited voice.    "What do you mean?" Nott narrowed her eyes. She always was protective of those in the group, especially of Caleb. This was her found family and she wasn't going to lose it.    "Well, you know, she is like totally powerful and stuff so that could be super helpful for what we do. Caleb is so smart, I'm sure with all his books that he can teach her how to control her powers. We always can use magic help, plus where else is she going to fit in so well? We are just a big group of people who don't fit in anywhere else. She should just join us, you know?"    "That isn't a terrible idea..." Caleb mumbled, nodding his head in thought.    The new few moments were filled with silence and very confused looks between everyone. You hadn't really thought about staying with the group because it seemed impossible. Now that it was on the table, could you say no? Did you even want to? You just wanted to stay safe and if they could promise that for you, you wouldn't mind. There was no home for you to go back to, or at least not one that you knew about. It would be nice to travel around the area and see all you had missed. There was no reason for you not to trust them. You didn't know them very well but they were better than the people you were surrounded by before. If they gave you any reason to fear them, you would be sure not to stay, but would taking a risk be all that bad?    "If it would be alright with all of you, I wouldn't mind staying with your group for a little bit at least." You were quiet as you tried to sound confident. You wouldn't blame them if they decided that they didn't want you to stay with them once they got to the next town. Just like how you didn't know them, they didn't know you.    "I am not against the idea." Fjord smiled in your direction.    "So it is settled! Welcome to the Mighty Nein!" Beau shouted as she climbed back into the wagon, hand clapping against your shoulder. That had to be a good sign if the one with the highest walls was willing to accept you into the group. The others followed suit, each seeming to accept you in one way or another as they got back into the wagon. Fjord spoke up and soon the horses were moving again, leaving the fight scene between them with looted bodies and bloodied dirt. -*-    Caleb and Jester were the first magic users you had seen that hadn't been a drowning. You were more interested in Caleb and his magic rather than Jester, as she got hers from whoever the Traveler was. You weren't interested in magic that had to be given, instead, you were more interested in those who possessed more of a magical nature like yourself. Yes, Caleb studied much more than you did, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be familiar with your own. He knew you were a sorcerer, who knows what else he might know.    The man seemed to either be taking a nap or reading some books while he was in the wagon. You couldn't blame him, there wasn't much else to do. Jester either chatted on about something or wrote down in her journal. For you, this was a nice change of pace that allowed you to feel safe and able to retreat into your thoughts. You weren't just waiting for the next time to be used and wondering if death really would be all the bad.    Your eyes studied those around you, Caleb sitting in front of you with a book in his hands. While the others stood out due to their race (excluding Beau), he stood out due to another part of his appearance. He was covered in filth, looking like yourself. He wasn't a slave like you, so he didn't have a reason to look this way. Did he simply prefer to go unwashed and untrimmed? It was such a juxtaposition with Molly sitting next to him. A man who took great pride in his appearance.    "Molly," You spoke up, "What is the town that we are heading towards?"    "It's Zadath, dear. I suppose it is a rather large city. We have been there before we met you. We were on our way back from dealing with Gnolls, nasty little buggers, but we dealt with them. Have you ever seen a gnoll before?"    "No, I don't believe so. The drow took me when I was very young, around seven or eight if I'm correct, and I can't remember anything before them. They kept me hidden most of the time but there aren't many creatures that live in the Underdark taken by the drow. I would mainly see a bunch of drow and spiders."    "Spiders?" Nott's eyes turned wide.    "Yes, the drow love spiders. I know it has something to do with a Goddess called Lothe. She is like a mix of a drow and a spider. Very mean and evil, she made them sacrifice people, like the other slaves or people that they had captured. I don't believe that any of the people they caught were very strange, they often were just travelers. The strangest races that passed through were things called firbolgs and kenku. Many were more humanoid people."    "That must have been very hard for you to deal with," Molly leaned forward, eyebrows pinched together in worry. His hand gently touched your knee and gave a comforting pat. The look he gave you wasn't filled with any lies, he truly felt that way. How long had it been since someone truly felt bad for you?    Everything down below was filled with anger and if they tried to be nice to you, it was just to trick and mock you. Even the others captured never felt bad for you, though it was hard for you to be angry at them. They simply were afraid for their own life. They never lived long enough to truly get to know you and learn why you were down there as a prisoner. It was hard to see people who you got close to die. You learned to just try to keep yourself unattached, as they would never live more than a few days.    "It was, but it is over now. I just want to work on understanding my magic and experiencing everything that I have missed. I don't want to focus on the past when the future is here."    "What are you most excited to do?"    "I don't know. I really can't remember much about the world above. Or, I guess it is the world I'm in now, it still feels strange to say that."    "Have you ever gotten drunk?" Jester's voice spoke up, eyes wide as she stared at you.    "No, I've smelled ale and wine before but they never let me taste it."    "Oh, my Traveller! You have never done anything with anyone! And I mean anything!"    "Jester!" Molly scolded, tailing whipping furiously as he glared at the blue tiefling. He knew that she meant no harm in what she said, but she didn't have to make it seem so blunt. It was obvious how embarrassing it must be to be asked something like that. You had gone deathly pale, your hands clenched so tight that your knuckles were going white.    "I mean, I've kissed a boy before. They kidnapped a teen half-elf once. I knew I shouldn't have done it but...Yet, I know I haven't done much but-"    "(Y/N)," Caleb looked up from the book he was reading, "Be quiet. Jester's strong suit isn't in her intelligence of social situations. You don't need to keep talking. She is just talking without thinking it through first.    Your skin prickled in a way that wasn't what you were used to with your magic. Instead, you were just filled with embarrassment from what had fallen out of your mouth. Normally you wouldn't have said any of that but it was like you wanted to prove something to Jester, without judging you for everything you've missed in life. You may have experienced some things but it was true that you had missed a lot in place of torture. You didn't want people to judge you based on all that you had missed. Was it really that bad to be your age and not have experienced much with another person?    "Oh, this will be amazing!" Jester was acting like what Caleb said didn't even bother her, "I will become like your big sister! I will teach you everything about what you've missed! I'll help you get all cleaned up and do your hair! It will be sooooooo fun! I've never had a sister before but I've always wanted a little one. You can totally be that for me!"    "Mein Gott...."    "Yeah, not to be rude or anything, but you definitely need to wash up. Either that or we have another Caleb on our hands." Beau offered from the front of the cart with Fjord, turning back to look in your direction, "Not saying you stink or anything but I'm pretty sure I saw a bird's nest in your hair."    You blushed once again, but you knew she was right. Down below, they didn't keep you very clean. Appearances didn't matter to them. You just tried to keep your hair u[p and our of your face and your hands clean enough to eat to keep from getting sick. The idea of being clean made you feel good. You hadn't seen yourself clean in so long, you couldn't remember what you looked like at all really. What color were your eyes again? You had dreamed of wearing a pretty dress with your hair braided beautifully. That had been a stupid daydream before when you were captured. It helped you keep going and hope that maybe one day it would happen.    "Thank you, Jester, that would be very nice."    "We will all help you." Molly smiled, "We all have different skills that we know very well. If Jester was the only one to teach you everything, who knows what you would end up being like."    The wagon erupted in laughter from Beau, Molly, and Nott as well as Jester's high voice trying to defend herself. There was a soft sense of safety and happiness that surrounded everyone in the cart. The joke meant no harm and did that, coming off as just a way to lighten the mood and change the topic. It wasn't long before Nott sparked up a different conversation. Everyone in the group seemed to be friends and you hoped you could be a part of that as well. You really hadn't known what it was like to have friends. Perhaps you would learn soon enough.

#reader #reader insert #xreader #x reader #critical role #critical role x reader #critical role molly #MollyxReader #mollymauk tealeaf #cr mollymauk #mollymauk x reader #beau #jester #fjord #nott #caleb #mollymauk tealeaf x reader #mollymauk the tiefling #mollymauk fic #mollymauk fanfiction #molly #cr #cr2 #slowburn #m9 #the mighty nein #the meighty nein

[pseudonymfox]

Different Meanings of Love (Part 2)

Jack Kline x Reader

Summary: This is following the storyline starting from 14x06. Jack has his first case with Dean and you. Everything works out eventually but Jack has a problem thatno one knows about yet.

This Part: Your last chances to saves Jack’s life and a few last happy moments...

Warnings: Mentions of blood, fluff, angst, characters death

A/N: Next Part will probably come next month maybe sooner but well don’t wanna promise it..

Main Masterlist - Series Masterlist

<<Previous Part

Running out of your room toward the kitchen where you had left dean and Jack just seconds ago hoping it wasn’t something bad, that they just want to play a prank on you like last time but you loud anxious thought in your head just silenced as you stood in the doorway seeing Jack laying on the floor blood ran down his face and dean kneeling besides him.

Going up to his other side you were even to scared to touch him thinking something would happen and somehow not even realising what is really happening.

“What happened? I just left?!” you asked feeling how you started to shake, your blood running cold just by the sight of him.

“I - I don’t know..He was fine and then coughed and he started bleeding” Dean told you still trying to shake him awake.

“Lets get him to bed first” you suggested rubbing your eyes before the tears started to flow. Dean didn’t wait another second and lifted him from the bed bringing him to his room and laying him on the bed. He decided to call Sam and Cas to let them know, maybe they knew what to do.

“Jack..” you whispered to him running your hand through his hair. You cleaned the blood from his face and hands and stayed by his side, holding his hand waiting that you would wake up from this nightmare but no this is real. Cas was your last hope now and you waited for maybe just an hour as Sam and Cas alongside Dean came back through the door.

You greeted Cas with a silent hug as Dean took you with him and Sam back out in the hallway leaving Cas to do his ‘magic’. It might be only half an hour but lasted what feels like days that you stood out there. Sam leaned against a wall, dean walking up and down without a pause and you crouched down on the floor hugging you knees.

“What’s taking so long” Dean sighed out loudly looking at his watch for the hundredth time.

“I don’t know, whatever is going on with jack is probably complicated” Sam crossed his arms.

“But kids have that all the time..Coughs, bloody noses” he argued. Jack was always some kind of child of Cas, Sam and dean. To you he was just your best friend from the start. You loved him that’s for sure. Maybe even more than you told yourself every time you felt jealous or when he simply smiled at you but that was all so unclear to you which you knew and were certain of that you don’t want to lose him and you want him to be happy and safe.

Cas came out of the door again and you sprung to your feet. Sam put his arm soothing around you as you all looked at him waiting for his answer but he didn’t look happy.

“Is he okay?” Dean asked Cas who shrugged letting your hope fade right away.

“I did what I could but I..-I don’t know what’s wrong with him” Cas explained further looking speechless as a thump came from the room.

Sam and dean took ahead and entered the room.

You wanted to run in there but you legs didn’t move, not as fast as you wanted to. Jack was laying on the floor coughing and gasping for air. The scene was horrific to watch as white foam came out of his mouth. Maybe you couldn’t do anything, at least not one of you.

“We have to bring him to the hospital” you suggested and together dean drove as fast as he could to the next hospital. Jack was laying with his head in your lap, he seemed awake but not in the right state right now. Entering through the door he could at least walk for himself with Sam’s help and Dean shouted for help but nothing came.

You walked past him to the reception, the lady who sat there just needed information before they could take him in.

“Can’t you see that he needs help? Are you blind?” you snapped at her and Sam put his hand on your shoulder but all the emotions just felt like exploding. Anger, Sadness, somehow even guilt.

You didn’t get far with her stupid Information as Jack couldn’t hold himself longer on his feet and the doctors and nurses surrounded him, finally doing something. The laid him a bed and rushed to the next open room with you all trying to keep up and staying by his side. One of the nurses stopped you right at the door and closed it telling you to stay back. Seeing him now in there seeing them hooking him up to machines, cutting his shirt open. Hospitals weren’t your favorite place. They just had that atmosphere that made everything worse. Not one of you were allowed to go inside while they did their tests. But you stayed right the window watching over him like a hawk.

How did you not notice that?

Was he coughing blood all the time?

Did he feel sick and why didn’t he told you?

“(Y/N)?” Sam laid his hand on your shoulder snapping you out of your train of thoughts.

“Sorry. Was it my fault?” you asked him even tho he couldn’t know either.

“No don’t say that, neither of us noticed anything. He will get better” he tried to assure you but the way he said it wasn’t really helping.

“This is crazy when Jack became human I was worried that something would happen to him because of what we do, like a vampire or a ghul or whatever but not a fucking cough” he said pacing once again around the room.

The doctor came a bit later again walking towards you.

“So uhm- What do we know?” Sam asked her.

“Well I can tell you what we don’t know” she said and you shook your head. Are hospital even for something good?“Jack’s test results came all back negativ”

The last hope was really that he was ill like from his now human side but when all the test are negative then it just can mean it has nothing to do with it.

“We have to do more tests to figure out what’s happening with him” she told you switching glances between you and Jack behind you.

“Well what’s happening with him” Dean asked her and you looked at her all with the same sad look on your faces.

“Jack’s total system might fail. His body is in the process of shutting down” You nodded at her and turned around going to his bed not giving a fuck anymore if it’s allowed or not.

You hated showing your vulnerable side to anyone but you couldn’t this wave of emotions back. It was to much so you silently pulled a chair up to his side, held his hand and leaned your head on the bed just crying for yourself, sobs erupting through your body from time to time until you just fell asleep either from the exhaustion or that you cried yourself to sleep. Maybe that you could still feel the warmness of his hand in yours helped a bit.

As you felt a hand one your shoulder you hoped that you just fell asleep once again in the impala and that you snored to loud but no still at Jacks side in the same hospital still trapped in the worst day of your life.

“(Y/N) We bring Jack home again. They can’t help him here, I already called rowena.” Sam said and helped you up as they walked Jack up and Cas and you helped him into his trench coat over the hospital gown.

The doctor came back in but Dean explained your situation. You couldn’t concentrate on anything right now as you saw him hurt even just putting his shoes one.

“We’re getting a second opinion” Jack also repeated Sam and the horrific visit to the hospital was over again.

Being home again felt much better just didn’t help the situation at all. Rowena should be there soon Sam said but after Jack fell back asleep you took a handful of books and searched for anything you could, every hint after what he could have and every spell that could help. After your sixth book Rowena finally came into the lobby and greeted you.

“So how sick is dean?” she asked and looked into her bag pulling out a few books and other stuff. You looked to Sam with widening eyes thinking he told her that it’s Jack and well that’s he’s Lucifer’s son but well she wouldn’t even come here if she knew that. He explained stuttering the situation but she started packing her stuff back into the bag.

“Goodbye” she said but you stepped in not wanting her to leave.

“No Stop please. He is anything else then his father, he lost his powers a while ago and he needs your help. We all do so please don’t leave. Help him, he has a better soul then  anyone in this room” you pleaded.

“You could help him yourself if you took my advice years ago” she said looking at you. Dropping your head you felt even worse now great. Rowena always told you to become a witch and to join her so she could teach you but you simply didn’t wanted too.

“He’s gonna die if you don’t help him” Sam also told her.

“MIght be even better so!” she replied and Jack suddenly raised his voice behind you.

“You might be right. We are still figuring that out, I am Jack and I know people have strong feeling about my father but I am trying hard not to be like him. Sam and Dean say such nice things about you” At first she didn’t seem to buy anything from this but of course as soon as you would flatter her she would help.

“You saved all of us from apocalypse world” Jack smiled at her, you were glad to see him like that again.

“Well yeah I did” she blushed and took it like it was a simple thing to do.

“So before you leave I just wanted to say thank you” he said finally and for once you thought it’s fine.

Just this small second but he started coughing again, leaning against the table. You rushed to his side and helped him shortly after Rowena agreed to help. Thankfully she packed out her stuff and Jack laid down in the bad waiting for the procedure.

She spoke her spell and lifted the flower she had in her hand, throwing it into the bowl which caused a small explosion. Continuing the spell she held her hand above Jack’s body, her eyes started glowing purple while Jack looked at her not knowing or understanding what she is doing. Rowena shuttered a bit but as the spell was completed Jack sat up again looking at her. Again in the hallway completely devastated you heard the door opening again with her stepping out.

“Just as expected” she said explaining to you that he the nephilim he is has a balance between his human side and his angel side, without the other side or most likely without his grace he won’t survive. Cas suggested to give him grace from a angel but that wouldn’t help since he is a archangel not a normal one. What would help is the grace Lucifer took for him and you knew in that moment that you would rip it out of Michael if you would ever see him again or if he is still out there, or any archangel at all. Then she told you more about how he can be healthy for a few moments but then again like back in the hospital. You left them again and got to his room. Jack sat on his bed but he stood up as he saw you entering.

“Hey” you heard him say but you just moved further to him before hugging him tightly. That’s all you need now to black out the rest the had happened and things that could still happen. He was a bit taken back but hugged you back just a second later. You stayed like this for a good while, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, not like you didn’t hug each other before or cuddled. Jack needed that right now just as much and held you tighter against his body if that was even possible at this point. You held back the tears that strung in your eyes because you didn’t wanted to make him feel worse about this.

“I promise everything is going to be fine” she whispered finally to him and running her hand up and down his back before breaking apart again. He could tell that she cried with her red eyes and neither did she probably got much sleep so he couldn’t bring himself to it to tell her that there is a high chance that it doesn’t work out this time that this is the end so he did what he thought is the only right thing to do now. Jack pulled her once again into his arms and stayed silent for a few seconds before getting the confidence to say it.

“I love you (Y/N)” he felt her tense up for a second but relaxed soon after.

“I love you too Jack” she said staying in his arms and sighing out. He never experienced what it’s like to have those kinds of feelings but with Harper yesterday and what dean said about you, he just knew the moment Harper asked him about Love at first sight because you were the first thing on his mind.

“I’m gonna read every book now I can. There has to be something” you said and left him again to do some research.

While Sam, you and Cas took the time to read a few books or make some calls, dean made a sandwich and a glass of milk for Jack and just entered the room to see him packing his stuff together.

“You going somewhere?” he asked and laid the plate away.

“Thought I go to Vegas..-maybe tahiti” Jack told Dean and swung his backpack over his shoulder.

“Ok. Nice, you think this is the best time” he asked him again not really glad about it that he wanted to leave now.

“Pretty sure it it” Jack nodded and of course he didn’t like it very much to leave his family now behind. Before Dean got the chance to talk him out of it again he interrupted him and tried to explain so it would be easier for everyone.

“- Since I’ve been alive everyone assumed I’d be this special person who goes on forever, only now it looks like forever might be a couple of weeks” he tried to tell it like it was no big deal but that was either a good situation nor a the best way to leave.

“We don’t know that” Dean argued.

“What I do know is I’m done being special- Before my life is over, I wanna live it. I just want a chance to get a tan, take (Y/N) out for dinner, get a parking ticket or learn how to dance and when it’s all over..die” he said smiling.

“So that’s your plan..” Dean asked still trying to argue with him, Jack might had a difficult start with Dean but they are family and dean takes it hard to let someone like him go.

“I don’t wanna waste time arguing” Jack smiled one last time before turning around “- I know you disagree”

“Did I say I disagree?”Cut to back to the lobby. You haven’t found anything and it frustrated you besides that you now had your third coffee and didn’t get much sleep. Rowena and Sam called friends and others who could help or maybe knew what to do, basically just asking anyone for help while you and Cas had your head stuck in a book. The whole bunker was full with books over everything you could imagine but exactly not what you were searching for. Time was running short and it scared you. “Dean” Cas said letting you stuck your head up from the table, letting him know what you’ve found which was pretty much nothing helpful. Cas would check some guy out that Ketch told Sam about. Jack entered the room behind Dean and looked around before speaking up.“We’re heading out” Jack called out in the open and smiled at you, you smiled back.

“You’re..uhm- Where?” Cas stuttered.

“For some exercise” dean explained. Sam asked again if that would be a good idea in this situation but Dean just nodded and they left. With one last wave you saw them disappearing and later heard the engine roaring away.

Maybe he needed that right now and dean probably too after the whole Micheal thing going on. He didn’t talk much about it but you could see his inner battle. Turning your attention back to the book you continued where you left off still fighting your own battle with exhaustion. After you got a new coffee you wanted to get a new one and go right back to the lobby as you heard Sam and Cas talking about him leaving to check out this guy who could help.

You didn’t wanted to interrupt anything so your stayed in the hallway for a while as you listened that they talked about Dean and the beginning with Jack. They knew just like you how hard Dean was with himself and that doesn’t make it any easier when all three of them were losing Jack who is basically their son.

“You once told me, you and your father did the exact same thing. It was you happiest memory of him” Jack told dean as they sat on a few rocks by a river while fishing a bit off road after they got burger and dean showed Jack how to drive in ‘Baby’.

“I didn’t said that” he corrected him but Jack shook his head.

“It was how you said it. I could tell” he said looking across the river that was streaming through a small forrest.

A moment of peace and “father-son” time with a fishing rod in  their hands and beer besides them.

“The point is, if I don’t make it..Stuff I’d miss it wouldn’t be things like tahiti...or.. Taj Mahal. I’d miss more time with you” Jack told dean who listened considerate.

“-I’m getting that life isn’t all these big amazing moments. It’s time together that matters..-Like this” Jack continued. Dean isn’t that type of guy who shows his emotions a lot and he still had had hope in him for Jack.

“Well who would have thought that spending time with me would make you sentimental” dean chuckled and took a sip from his beer.

“I had a good life dean” Jack responded and they stayed in another comfortable silence just enjoying their left over time together.

“(Y/N)” you slowly drifted out of your little nap you decided to take in your room surrounded by books you opened your eyes and blinked  a couple of times, adjusting to the light. Jack was sitting on the edge of your bed with a hand on your shoulder and one of his adoring smiles. Sitting up you hugged him shortly before taking a look at him.

“You ok?” you asked him, he seemed fine but well the last days showed you that just because someone looks fine is also feeling like it.

“Stupid question..sorry” you thought over what you just said and apologized. Shutting a few books besides you sighing, it’s awful that you didn’t find anything at all in them.

“It’s fine, I am ok” he replied but you saw it in his tired eyes that he’s lying.

“-Cas is back. He might have found something” he added and your eyes widened, jumping up you grabbed his hand pulling him out of the room with you almost stumbling over your own feet.

“What are we waiting for then?” Jack stopped you right away in the hallway.

“Wait (Y/N)..If it doesn’t-” he started but but you cut him off mid sentence not even wanting to hear what he wanted to say, you don’t want this ‘last’ conversation, the last words or the monologue about finding someone again because you won’t lose him. How often did Dean or Sam die? More than you can count and Chuck brought Cas back just as often. So why not Jack? He deserves to live.

“-it will work. I promised didn’t I?” you smirked at him hoping to light up the situation but he remained with his sad smile, the one that didn’t reach his eyes where you could tell right away this is like the ‘We gotta talk’ look. Jack put his hands on the side of your arms stopping you again from moving any further.

“I know you did and I love you (Y/N) but if this doesn’t work out then I want you to be not sad...go out and do what I couldn’t...Just get out of here for a while,-for me” he stared at you and silently you nodded. You thought about kissing him but that wasn’t a good situation to do so now. Just get over with it you thought and then you could go where ever he wanted to go and whatever he wants to do..together.

Castiel explained to you where he how this is supposed to work. The guy he told you about didn’t seem trustworthy the way Cas described him but you would take the chance.

“You really think we can trust this guy?” you asked Castiel, not believing that this is has been tested before or that he even knew what he was talking about.

“I mean he was definitely odd but he seemed honest” he pointed out.

Trusting a guy that is living in his Camper, with a thick russian accent and an archangel grace in his pocket? You weren’t really fond of it. Jack sat in a chair with all of you surrounding him, his face is written with exhaustion.

“So we are still not certain that it will work?” Sam approached with the small box in his hands where the bright light glowed.

“No..we are not certain but...” Cas replied toning his voice down and looking back and forth from Jack. After all he was still in the room with you and could hear everything, scaring him more was the last thing you wanted to do.

“Gentlemen.” Rowena brought the attention back to her. Now or never you thought.

“Are you ready Jack?” she asked him who looked for a moment back to all of you and answered with hesitation. “Yes”.

Rowena rolled out the spell and nodded to Sam who handed the small bottle to Jack who opened it carefully. You maintained silent along the rest, just holding your breath out of fear and also excitement. She started to speak the words of the spell out loud while Jack absorbed the white glowing light. The spell was done in under a minute and you still waited for some kind of reaction.

Jack lowered his head and the lights started to flicker. With not much patience left in you watched as he lifts his head again to open his eyes that glowed in a bright golden, even more then before with his own grace. A few seconds passed and the light faded again, Jack blinked a couple of times and stood up.

“Something good?” Cas asked stepping forward as Jack inspected everything with furrowed eyebrows.

“I think so” he started smiling, you let out a nervous chuckle. Everyone just as relieved and happy, maybe also surprised that it worked.

“Definite improvement!” he reassured looking back to you. Stepping forward to hug him you saw his smile fading and his face twitching in pain and confusion. He started stumbling.

“Jack?” you asked worried. The others also now catching up.

“Did you say the words right?” Dean scolded at Rowena who defended herself.

“Yes!” she said also not knowing what is wrong. Jack started coughing again as soon as you saw him falling you rushed to his side just catching him before he hit the ground. Sam helped you getting him back into the bed as Rowena took another look at him with the spell she did before. Castiel stormed out of the room calling someone on the way out which you could already guess who it is. The rage inside you just balling up by the thought that he could be responsible for Jack’s death but you told yourself that Cas has this under control.  Rowena let you know that it would be better to bring him into his own room and that it would be over soon. You and Sam sat by side til he would hopefully wake up again. Dean and Cas came in later and together you waited, every passing minute and hour just hurted more. Jack coughed a lot in his unconsciousness so Sam brought in an oxygen tank since down in the bunker hasn’t much fresh air. In the middle of the night Jack woke up again coughing heavily and starting to sit up as much as he could. He could clearly see you exhausted and griefing faces.

“Please don’t be sad” he said and took off the oxygen mask handing it back to Sam.

“-Maybe this is how things are supposed to be” Jack continued and glanced to you, he had dark circles under his eyes, was pale and started to sweat. That were his last moments and you still didn’t wanted to accept it.

“Don’t give me that crap!” Dean said turning around from the wall he leaned against.

“-this is part of some damn plan” he cursed again but got called out by Cas. As Jack needed the oxygen tank again., dean stomped out of the room and you wanted to follow him but Cas mentioned for you to sit down again and followed Dean himself.

“Can you tell him that it’s okay” he told Sam who nodded.

“They will be back in a minute.” he assured Jack but he just grinned at him.

“What happens next..for people like me?” he questioned but Sam only shrugged, neither of you knew whatvcouöd happen or where would go. Heaven would be probably good..better then Hell obviously but after all you knew that Heaven could have problems too.

“Then it’s gonna be an adventure” he said and scooted down again. You lifted the blanket higher up his chest and as he looked at you still grinning slightly.

“I am sorry”you whispered to him and he took your hand, a simple gesture you always did with him when he was scared or didn’t know how to handle things.

“Don’t be” he said quietly and closed his eyes.

His chest rising and falling for the last time as you could only whisper “but I promised” the grip on your hand loosen up and you knew that it was over. The tears just escaped your eyes and rolled down your face, you didn’t even know how to process that until Sam’s final words broke something inside you. Dean and Cas just entered the room.

“He’s gone.”

>>Next part coming soon

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#jack kline x reader #jack kline x you #jack kline imagine #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #supernatural spoilers #supernatural

[moontheoretist]

Circles of Magi - Discussion

I dunno what happened, but I couldn't reblog post about Circles, so I had to create separate post to add something from myself.

@darktemplar84 Don't forget that Felix was not good at magic and we all know what happens to mages in Southern Thedas, when they are not good enough to pass the Harrowing. They go through tranquility or fail the Harrowing and are killed (despite the fact that there may be a way to save them). While in the same time in Tevinter, mage who cannot pass the Harrowing CAN BECOME A SCHOLAR and go to the University of Orlais! It's exactly the case of Minaeve in DAI. If Circles weren't teared down in DAI, she would be made Tranquil, because she was not good enough at magic to pass the Harrowing, but thanks to the Rebellion, she could become kind of the scholar for the Inquisitor. (Vivienne says that Breach is dangerous because it increases chances of possesion, and I cannot argue with that, but as long as mage feels safe, like Minaeve, there is no possesion. It means that possesion can be avoided. I cannot really recall any information about abominations in the Inquisition, despite Cullen and Vivienne being so sure that there will be problem with that, because game doesn’t give this information in the first place). [I like to think that there were none, and that Cullen and Vivienne were utterly surprised.]

About noble families: Warden Amell were noble once. But when their magic manifested, which ended with them being taken to the Circle, they lost the right to hold the title (Connor is in the same boat here). But then if they become a Warden they suddenly can become someone important and in their case it's mostly because Warden's are independent and nobody can tell them what they can or what they can't do, even the Chantry, so when Wardens are granted the right to the Arlat of Amaranthine, nobody really cares that Warden is a mage in the end. Hawke from the other hand could be considered as a noble from Amell family, but once again, nobody really cares that they are a mage and I think that it's due to the fact that lore has too many plotholes and too many cases of individual mages being treated good or being treated bad, or that it’s the side effect of the situation, in which Bioware had to come up with good explanation why Hawke can hold an estate in Kirkwall and be a Champion, despite being an apostate mage, but failed miserably.

There is something wrong with the Circles in the lore. Once they are good, once they are bad. I was literally thinking that Ferelden Circle was ok, untill I went into basement where I found a lot of blood and demons... and I started to wonder... why they are there? I never played Awakening, but I know what Anders is saying about Circles and we should really reconsider the point of view, when we are talking about Circles. Some mages had more freedom and more chances to become important, than the others. I dunno how Vivienne's Circle looked like, but I try to imagine, and I sometimes wonder how many mages failed where she succeded. She holds power and lives better life than other mages, because she outsmarted the system. But still she is pro-Circle, because she sees it as institution, which could work better. 

I also can imagine it as something good... but I cannot imagine it in the same way as Vivienne can. She doesn't see flaws in the Chantry, and I see too many of them. That's why for me Circles would work if they were separated from the Chantry and would be treated as private schools. People still would be "locked up" there, but they would at least have vacation and could go see their families or invide their families inside. And atmosphere would be different without Templars always watching. I cannot imagine school with such security. I would not really be able to focus on learning if somebody would watch my every move. It's unnerving. (And if someone thinks that being scared helps mages, then... no, it doesn't, it makes it even harder for them to pass Harrowing). 

If we want to have Harrowing in the end (I don't, because there are better ways to test mages, than forcing them to deal with the demon), then it should not be something, which nobody knows about. Ferelden Circle mages were afraid of Harrowing, and they were constantly talking about mages dissapearing and never coming back, which reffers to them failing the Harrowing. Nobody knows what it is, and when Irving gives you advices in DAO, Gregoir basically stops him from "helping you". How fucked up is that? Tevinter version is probably more like our exams at the end of high school. We all don't like them, but we at least know how they look like and we are prepared to take them.

In the end Circles end as some kind of prisons like @notsosecretsolasobsession said. They are not Hogwart, there is too many things, which make them different than Hogwart, but also a lot of things which make them different from one another as well. Kirkwall was the worst one and Ferelden is treated as one of the best ones, at least by one of the in-game character, who wrote the codex entry about Circles. Even he noticed that something is wrong with the system and that it should be fixed. (And because codex entries are written by Bioware writers, we know that Bioware see the problem too).

@morealivethanvenser has a point here that Circles were not meant to be prisons, but after some time they were forced to become ones. I still can argue that they were like prisons before, because I cannot imagine that taking children from their families and shipping them somewhere, without even letting children to contact their parents later is a good thing. And when they are adults a lot of them may not want or not be able to reach their families. Anders would not want to see his father after what he did and I cannot imagine that his mother stayed with the guy after that. Revka Amell dissapears after Fausten Amell dies and father of Warden Amell dissapears too with the rest of the children, so there is no way to contact them. Some like Finn have the opportunity to contact their families, but we shouldn’t really treat it as a norm. Because with the Circles there is no norm. 

The only norms, which I see are the flaws in the system itself. Huge ones or minor ones, depending on the Circle. But for me all system is flawed, because mages are treated like the only ones, which can be possesed... and it’s not really true. They are more likely to be (statistically), but everybody else can be too. Does it mean that we should lock them up and make them feel ashamed of who they are or treat them like the ticking bombs, who can become monsters at any second...? I think that it’s not really a good way to teach someone, that they have to learn to control their magic. 

But Chantry made it possible, because they interpret Chant of Light as they see fit... and do I have to add that one of Chantry Sisters NPC in DAI actually says that mages were beaten in the Circles, and that mages were hiding their bruises, so nobody would know, how they were treated? She never stated in which Circle she was, though. I can only assume that it was not Kirkwall Circle.

@laurelsofhighever Wanna add something to this?

Links to the most interesting answers:

Connor’s Noble Title

Nobles and Commoners

Not Intended to be Prisons

Circle Reform is Needed

Harrowing

You can go outsite as long as you have important friends

There was also the post about Templars, where someone said that they are unfairly treated as bad people by the fandom, and this person has a point, but in the same time Cole has a point too, when he says that a lot of Templars abuse mages to feel better. The good Templars tho... why they always end so poorly? Losing people they love (Thrask). Being addicted to the point of no come back (Samson) and being tortured by desire demon (Cullen). 

We cannot also forget that Templars even when they see that not all mages are bad and they are not bad themsemselves, still do nothing to stop the bad things from happening (and for the victim of abuse, the person who does nothing to stop abuse, is the same as the person, who abuses them), because they were brainwashed into thinking that mages should be locked down, because they are potential monsters. 

Cullen never fully recovered from his previous attitude, he still is afraid of mages and not feel safe with them around. It’s understandable after what happened to him, but... it’s bad to exclude someone, who you love and treat them as exception of the rule (Cullen still can love a mage), while in the same time thinking about other mages as potential monsters. It’s the problem. I would even say that it’s a social issue in Thedas. 

Mages are treated as if they were not people by the society in Southern Thedas, while in the same time elves are treated (by the same society) as knife-eared brutes, which are below everyone else (and quess who doesn’t caaaree about that, yes, the Chantry doesn’t care). Templars are made addict to the lyrium by the Chantry... mages are treated like an embodiment of the sin, which created the Blight and elves... elves are erased from the history of the Chantry so Chantry could treat them as lower class citizens. 

Chantry is the big bad here, really.

#dragon age #dragon age meta #dragon age fandom #i don't like the chantry #circles are flawed #system which was made for the circles is flawed #someone #blocked reblog or something? #dragon age lore #dragon age mages #circle #cirlce of magi #mages #templars #white spire #kirkwall #haw #warden amell

[ahvarchive]

i just finished trespasser again so here’s thoughts ill probably clean up into separate headcanon posts later???

“now if you’ll excuse me.  i have a world to save.  again.”  the palpable bitterness in that line kicks my fucking ass.  she’s so exhausted and angry and hurt and she just wants it to stop and she knows it’s not going to and she’s just so tired.  and for the first time since....at least since the game started and maybe even since rem’s death, ahvir is really aware of her own hurt and how fucking unjust it is.  “no one will thank you for saving the world” dorian said, two years ago.  he was right, and both orlais and ferelden will spit on her as she saves them again, just like it did the first time.  anyway, she’s bitter and hurt as shit.

just saying: that final battle must have been absolute agony for the inquisitor, and to be honest, everything from an hour + before anchor meltdown became...well, anchor meltdown was just.  consistent agony.  the faded colours and the distant sound during the final battle and before it indicate that it’s wicked enough to have sight and hearing fucked up.  

i’ve mentioned it before, but anchor meltdown’s damage to the body ------ it’s definitely fucked up.  looking at ahvir’s hand beneath the armor is....inadvisable.  the skin is badly peeled and bloody and pus - covered, and where the anchor rips away her skin is also hastily rebuilds ugly scar tissue atop it.  as the veins reach higher and the damage into the arm gets worse, her arm also gets bad, and by the time the gang head out for the last time (  related but the ‘one last fight’ dialogue kicks my ass theyre all so ready to die  ) it’s safe to assume her arm is just covered in blood and scars and wounds.  like i said.  painful.

once the arm is removed, there’s few relics of the mark.  there are scars reaching up the stump that were likely originally veins from the mark, but they mix with the normal ‘i lost my arm’ scars and are difficult to see.  there are faint, only slightly raised burn scars on her chest, above her heart, however, and the wound seems to almost stem from the internal rather than the external ------ when anchor discharge occurs, the light spikes from the inquisitor’s heart and well as their arm, after all.

there’s something to be said about mister ‘i never write about my own mistakes’ writing about the inquisition in the first person.  (  maybe he did the same for the tale of the champion, but i doubt it, given the number of scenes not featuring him and how breezes over the ones that do talk abt himself.  )  character growth or just...him being less afraid.  (  i like to imagine he’s inspired by the inquisitor, but...  )

also something to be said that he doesn’t mention the inquisitor --- or at least, they don’t get a glittering description like the others.  part of this is probably just game constraints, but i like to headcanon.  i imagine part of it is for the purpose of protecting ahvir, the same way many headcanon he does similarly for hawke.  she’s finally getting a nice break with her husband and their Brand New Dog and, after how badly orlais and ferelden and the world treated her, and how he can see her suffering, i imagine he just....feels like she deserves a break.  i wouldn’t be surprised if he kept writings about her fairly vague.  non - offensive ------ never leaving out her elfiness or her pro - mageyness, of course.  he knows she’d be angry.

sera and ahv bond a ton over sera teaching her to use the crossbow.  she’s actually sorta decent at it; it’s similar to casting magic.  accounting for the shift in range and recoil and et cetera.  granted there’s a ton of differences and her body has to adjust, but there’s a base there, and honestly?  she needs it to feel useful again.  sera sees it, and does all she can.

(  friendly reminder that by trespasser ahvir’s identity, even the false once she concocted, had basically been boiled down to Is Dalish and Has The Mark and that by the end of it she has neither of those things to really claim any longer and she’s floundering.  )

she hates gods by the end.  she’s a misotheist.

she wants to save solas, but if she can’t --- she won’t hesitate to kill him.

she’s so --- fucking bitter at all of them.  at mythal and solas and all of her gods, and she despises them because her people are so good and so bright and so strong and they deserve better.  she deserves better.  she’s hurting so badly over what happened and like ------ she spent her life and her childhood revering them and praying to them and loving them and then --------- it hurts in a way there are no words for.

#ooc. #:'^) im sad

[thejourneymaninn]

What he deserves (Januanders Day 5 – Anders and Hawke)

Anders x Male Hawke  (angst, fluff, happy ending) 

In the mountains just outside of Kirkwall, right after the Chantry explosion, Anders and Hawke discuss what happened – and their future.

Read on AO3

No matter how hard he tried, Anders couldn’t tear his eyes away from Hawke’s beard. It was full of dirt. Maker knows that was nothing unusual, Anders had lost count of how many hours he had spent picking the remnants of their dinner out of this bushy affront to hygiene, but this time, it was different. This time, it was his fault. The ashes and gore in Hawke’s beard, the wounds on his arms, the exhaustion on his face. All of it – his fault.

“I am so sorry,” he began to – what, beg for forgiveness? For mercy? For love, knowing full well he should count himself lucky if even a single scrap of affection had survived? There were no words to make up for what he’d done, but he stumbled through them anyway, clumsily, hauling himself up his mountain of guilt in the desperate hope that there might still be a future at the top. “I…I can’t believe you let me stay with you. And…stayed with me. After I destroyed everything you cared about… I know I don’t deserve it, but I swear…”

“Anders.”

The way Hawke said his name, slowly, with that stress on the “An” and his jaw setting, Anders knew he was in for a stern lecture. He had feared those for so long, dreading the moment Hawke would finally realize how much of a burden he really was. It had taken him almost three years to finally understand that they were meant to console, not crush, that his lover never challenged who – or what – he was, but the way he doubted himself. This one would be different. This time, it would hurt. Reprimands. Hate. From the one person who had always supported him. Whose trust Anders had betrayed. He deserved it, every piercing word and insult. If Hawke hit him, that too, would be warranted.

But that wouldn’t make it hurt any less.

“The people I love are the only thing I ‘care about’, and you didn’t destroy them. Our friends are here, safe, sleeping peacefully in that cave over there. My sister is with them. Free. You saved her life. She would be dead if it weren’t for you. What you deserve is more than I can give you in a lifetime. But that is not why I stayed with you. I stayed because I love you.”  It was stated calmly, his voice not raised, his hands folded in his lap. And in his eyes, a flame that should have been snuffed by Anders’ deception. Still burning, with steady warmth. Still seeing him.

He had no right to hide the ugliness. Not after everything, not anymore. In the Gallows, he had been selfish, high on Hawke’s support, on the fact that he was still alive. Hawke, this man who had surprised him yet again, deserved more than that.

“Sebastian was right when he warned you I was selfish. I cannot rest until mages are free. I will never abandon my cause for you.”

“Good. You shouldn’t.”

“Hawke, I’m serious. I know I dragged you into this, but you don’t have to…”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence.

“You didn’t drag me into this, Anders. You helped me out of a hopeless situation. You know perfectly well Meredith called for the Rite of Annulment weeks ago.”

“I…I didn’t think you heard…” Anders stumbled through the words in little more than a whisper, all air knocked out of him by the revelation that Hawke had known.

“Of course I fucking heard, sneaking up and listening in on people are what I do. I would have thought you knew that, by now.”

“You didn’t say anything.” He wasn’t in the position to, but he couldn’t help sounding defensive. When Hawke had accused him of having the mages’ blood on his hands, he had known…

“Well, yes, because I was hoping I could fix this without you throwing yourself right into the line of lightning. Seems neither of us has learned much in the last three years.” Hawke sighed, his exhaustion clearly visible beneath the wry smile he sent his way. “I thought with my influence…people would listen. Turns out being the Champion doesn’t mean that much after all. I asked the Grand Cleric to intervene, to send word to the Divine, tell her what a dangerous zealot Meredith was. She refused to get involved. She didn’t care, Anders, not one bit. She wouldn’t go so far as to sanction it herself, but she would have let the whole Circle be slaughtered without batting an eyelid. That’s who she really was. I do feel sorry for Sebastian; I know she was like a mother to him, but I certainly won’t be mourning her. So you see, you didn’t drag me into this. I was right in the centre of this mess, sitting on my arse, pondering what to do while my sister’s life was at stake. If you hadn’t done something…”

A few pebbles came lose as Hawke drove his foot sharply into the ground. They bounced off the ledge, clattering into the abyss behind them. In the screaming silence that followed, Hawke met his eyes. “Why do you think Meredith ordered the tower searched ‘top to bottom’? You know as well as I do that she was looking for a reason. If she had found anything – a papercut, a handkerchief from a bloody nose - she would have annulled the Circle right there. Without anyone around to know or help them. You didn’t condemn them. You saved them. You saved her.” Hawke’s face lost its resolve, his eyes leaving Anders’ to stare at the ground. “I am sorry I didn’t make that quite so clear right when it…happened. In that moment, it was…a shock.” He lifted his gaze back up to his. “But now that the shock has faded, I am not sad to see the Chantry burn. It made my father hate himself. All those years of being free, and he was still a slave to the Circle’s teachings. He drilled them into Bethany, made her afraid of her magic, made her feel guilty for who she was. Two good people, and the Chantry filled them with nothing but fear and self-loathing.” There was a sad smile on his face as he cradled Anders’ face in his palm. “Three good people. Until one of them, the strongest one, the one I will gladly tell the world I love, decided it was finally time to do something.”

Everything he had ever dreamt of hearing, but it wasn’t all there was to it. He furiously tried to blink away his tears, tried to steady his choked-up voice.

“That ‘good man’ just started a war.”

Hawke didn’t let go of his face, didn’t waver. He just nodded, one curt, determined movement. “Sometimes, that is necessary. Not all that long ago, I was in an army that marched right into one. I’ve never heard anyone say that was wrong.”

“That’s not the same; the Darkspawn would have crushed us otherwise…”

“As the Chantry has crushed mages for a 1000 years. It was about time you fought back…we fought back,” he corrected himself. “It’s also about bloody time the rest of us finally stood up for you.”

“It’s not your fight,” Anders protested weakly. He had to give him one last out; he owed it to him.

Hawke heaved an exaggerated sigh. “You really need to work on your listening comprehension. As I said about thirty seconds ago, it is my fight. And as I said about ten minutes ago, I would come with you even if it wasn’t. My happiness was never in Kirkwall. It was always with you. All I need is your stubbly face, my dog and, if you insist, a cat….And well, my sister. I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can keep her from tagging along. She’s a Hawke; we are immune to no.” His gaze turned inward, a warm small playing about his lips. “My sister, the rebel. Finally telling the Chantry just where they can stick it. I must say, I like the sound of that.”

Anders found himself smiling back. “I don’t mind if she comes with us. I like Bethany. She always tried to understand me, to understand everyone…And she said I reminded her of your father.”

Hawke blinked at him, slowly, silently. And blinked again. And again. And ten more times.

“That’s…an image I did not need…Like my father…does that mean I…No,” he shook his head with a fierceness that resembled that of his smelly Voidbeast of a pet, “not going there. Let’s just…get some rest and forget you ever said that. We have a long way ahead of us.”

Anders bit his lip. He had to ask one last time.

“Together?”

Dirty or not, Hawke’s beard tickled the way it always did when he kissed him.

“Together. Always.”

#januanderstakeback #handers #dragon age fanfiction #anders #anders positive #hawke #fuck the chantry #fics #my fics #januanders

[kirkwall-group-therapy]

City of Blood, ch3

[Mature content warning, Act 1: cursing, adult topics, violence]

Chapter Three: Blondie

 The next to join their party was yet another mage, much to Fenris’ brooding dismay. But he wasn’t just any mage. Anders, the hunk of Darktown. The healer with a heart of gold, and a bad case of spirit possession. Blondie made all the girls swoon. He was a bit rash, but even Sunshine found herself quickly forgetting about Lowtown Ivan.

You would think that his extraordinary healing abilities are what led Hawke to Anders, particularly given the dangerous line of work she was in, but that wasn’t the case. The Deep Roads expedition needed to find a way in, a good entrance to be precise. One that wasn’t already looted, caved in, or overflowing with Darkspawn, and the only group who would know the Deep Roads well enough in that area would be the Grey Wardens. Varric heard rumors about a Grey Warden who was hiding out in Darktown. Hawke and the group went to meet him, to see what he would be willing to trade for any information, or better yet, a map.

The clinic was located in the farthest corner of Darktown, which you could only find after navigating a series of tunnels, turns, switch backs, and stairs. It was easy to miss the right turn, or not see one entirely due to the dim lighting in Darktown. They had to ask a number of Darktown residents, many who refused to help, before they finally found it. A bright lantern lit up the front entrance. Hawke cautiously opened the door and quietly stepped inside. The clinic was surprisingly crowded, and nearly all of the occupants were Fereldan refugees. A few volunteer nurses scurried about, helping patients and directing others. But there was no sign of the man in charge, and certainly nothing that would indicate that a Grey Warden was hiding there.

“I sense magic,” Bethany whispered. “One of these people must be a mage healer.”

Finally they saw a man in the back. Tall, broad shoulder, blonde hair that just a few inches shorter than his shoulder. He was definitely a mage; he was bent over a small child waving his hands over the boy’s body. Visible, soft green glowing magic wrapped itself around the boy and flooded his body. The blonde man manipulated the current of the flowing magic, pushing it, pulling it, clutching it. Searching for something. He found it, and grabbed onto it, and tugged at it with all his might. Slowly but surely he dislodged it from the boy’s body. The boy gasped for air, coughed, and turned onto his side, color returning to his face. The blonde man exhaled loudly and nearly collapsed. Another volunteer braced him as the healer worked to catch his breath.

The group approached slowly, not wanting to interrupt his work. But the man sensed them, and smelled the thick scent of blood and death that permeated them - most notably Hawke. The scent that only soldiers, mercenaries, and professional killers had. He moved surprisingly quickly, like lighting he whisked a staff, hidden from view, into the air, and gracefully pivoted on his heels to face them.

“I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation,” he said to them. “Why do you threaten it?”

“Easy,” Hawke said, slowly putting her hands in the air. “We mean you no harm.”

“I thought Wardens were dedicated to the blight and dying in the Deep Roads,” Bethany said. “Not healing refugees.”

“The Wardens? They sent you, didn’t they? I’m not going back,” Anders said. “Blighters made me get rid of my cat.”

“Wait, that’s the reason you’re not wanting going back to the Wardens? Not the taint or the constant violence and death?” Varric laughed.

“Ser Pounce-a-lot didn’t like the Deep Roads,” Anders joked.

“His name was Ser Pounce-a-lot?” Bethany giggled.

“Er, I assure you, we’re not here on behalf of the Wardens. We are planning an expedition to the Deep Roads, and are hoping you might have some information or better yet, a map, of the routes in this area. Any information you have could help save many lives,” Hawke said.

“I will die a happy man if I never think about the blighted Deep Roads again,” he said. “You can’t imagine what I’ve gone through to get here.”

“I’m not asking you to come with us,” Hawke said. “But surely you have some information that would be useful to us? We’ll pay you well for your information.”

“I could smell death on you as soon as you drew near,” Anders said. “Based on that, plus your armor and stature, am I correct in assuming that you’re mercenaries or something similar? And at least somewhat successful, since you’re not dead yet?”

“Ah, yes, something like that,” Hawke said, a little confused as why he wanted to know. And also surprised to hear the bit about her smelling like death. That was unsettling for sure.

“But we’re good mercenaries,” Bethany said.  “We help people.” What a beautifully innocent flower she was.

“I … have need of your skill,” Anders said, “more than your coin. A favor for a favor? Does that sound like a fair trade? You help me, I’ll help you?”

“Ah, perhaps. Depending on what your favor is,” Hawke said. “I don’t do anything involving children or animals,” she joked.

“I have a map of the Deep Roads of this area, as you’ve requested. In return, I need your help to save a close friend. I came to Kirkwall to aid him myself. He’s a mage, a prisoner in the wretched Gallows. But the templars learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safely past them, and the map is yours,” he said.

“You want me to help break a mage out of the circle??” Hawke asked, shocked. Honestly, the price she thought was too steep and not a fair trade for the map.

“You want to make your friend an apostate?” Bethany asked.

“That’s such a weighted term, but yes,” Anders replied. “Andraste said magic should serve man, not rule him. But I’ve yet to find a mage who wants to rule anything. It goes against no will of the Maker for mages to live as free as other men.”

“I don’t disagree with you,” Hawke said. “But … breaking a mage out of the circle is no small ask. And we can’t afford any undue attention from the templars ourselves.”

“I can understand that,” Anders said. “But you don’t know what this circle is like. It’s worse than other mage towers. Karl and I have been exchanging letters, until the letters just stopped. His last letter said that Knight Commander Meredith was turning the circle into a prison. Mages are locked in their cells, refused appearances at court, made tranquil for the slightest of crimes.”

“But it’s not legal to make a mage tranquil if they’ve passed their harrowing,” Hawke said.

“You are surprisingly knowledgeable about mages,” Anders said.

“Our father was one,” Bethany said. “As … as am I,” she bravely stated.

“I see. You’re correct though,” Anders said. “And yet they’ve made over a dozen mages tranquil just this year. The more people you talk to, the worse the picture becomes. I have no interest in engaging with the templars either, and I don’t expect there to be any violent confrontation, but neither can I rule it out.”

“Varric, can I talk to you for a moment?” Hawke asked. The two stepped aside to have a private word.

“How badly do we need his maps? Is there no other way?” Hawke asked.

“I’m not too keen on this either,” Varric said. “But all of our other leads have turned up shit so far. Honestly, I think the entire expedition is a bust without his maps.”

“Fuck,” Hawke said. “I was afraid you were going to say that.” Bethany excused herself from speaking with Anders, and joined Hawke and Varric.

“Charlie, I know it’s risky. And it makes me nervous, but, I’d like to help him if we can,” Bethany said.

“We don’t really have a choice it seems,” Hawke said. “But I’m really not a fan of this. And you’re certainly not coming with us when we do this.”

“Sister, please. I want to help,” Bethany said.

“Out of the question. I will not blatantly dangle you in front of templars,” Hawke said.

“I feel for your friend, I really do,” Hawke said walking back over to Anders.

“So you won’t help me then?” He asked.

“Unfortunately I need your map, rather desperately it seems. So I find myself without any other option but to help you. But if my sister ends up in danger because of you, if this brings the templars to our front door step, you had better run,” Hawke warned.

“Understandable,” Anders said.

“What is the plan then?” Hawke asked, and sighed heavily.

“I sent Karl a message to meet me at the Chantry tonight. Maker willing, he’ll be there, alone. But if there are templars with him, I swear I’ll free him from them. Whatever the cost,” Anders said.

“Sounds like this will be fun,” Varric said sarcastically.

“Meet me outside the chantry tonight, just after dusk,” Anders said. “Should anything go wrong, don’t worry about me. Protect yourselves and we’ll rendezvous back here later.”

 Nothing ever goes as planned. That’s a written-in-stone law of the universe. How badly things deviate from the plan though, well, Hawke never seemed to have much luck in that area. They had entered the Chantry together that night, and found Karl without problem or reason for concern. And that’s as far as the things went according to the plan.

“Hello, Anders,” Karl said. He was facing the wall and his voice was flat, mono tone, completely devoid of emotion, of any feeling at all. “I knew you would come.”

“Karl, what’s wrong? Why are you talking like that?” Anders asked, fearing the worst.

“I was too rebellious, like you. The templars knew I had to be … made an example of,” Karl said, turning around to reveal the tranquil mark on his forehead.

“No.” Anders grieved.

“How else will mages ever master themselves? You’ll understand, Anders,” Karl continued, “As soon as the templars teach you to control yourself.”

It was a good thing that Hawke had refused to bring Bethany along - a small group of templars stepped out of the shadows as Karl finished speaking.

“This is the apostate,” Karl indicated toward Anders, still in that chilling, unfeeling tone.

“No!” Anders screamed. Anders fell to the floor and his body twitched. The was a sudden pulse of energy and his body glowed with blue fire, and his voice deepened and echoed. “You will never take another mage as you took him!” Anders bellowed.

The poor templars were no match for Hawke. More accurately, they were no match for Anders and all his wrath. They made short work of the few of templars, blood absolutely everywhere. All over the Chantry walls and tapestries, and the worn wooden pews.

“A-Anders, what did you do?” Karl asked, looking around confused. “It’s like … you brought a piece of the fade into this world. I had already forgotten what that feels like.”

“What did you do?” Hawke asked. “Not the fade part - the angry glowing bit.”

“It’s like a gateway to the fade is inside you, glowing like a beacon,” Karl said.

“It’s a … unique circumstance,” Anders said. “But that’s not important right now. Karl, what happened? How did they get you?”

“The templars here are far more vigilant than in Fereldan. They found a letter I was writing to you. You cannot imagine it Anders. All the color, all the music in the world, gone. I would gladly give up my magic, but this? I’ll never be whole again. Please, kill me before I forget again! I don’t know how you brought it back, but it’s fading,” Karl said.

“Karl, no,” Anders pleaded.

“Isn’t there any cure? Surely there has to be a way to reverse it?” Hawke asked. She had never heard of one, and the circles certainly would never approve, but they were already working outside the circle. Surely someone had a way to reverse it?

“Can you cure a beheading?” Anders asked angrily. “The dreams of tranquil mages are severed - forever.”

“Please Anders,” Karl begged.

“My sister says being a tranquil is a fate worse than death,” Hawke said softly.

“Indeed,” Anders agreed. Anders pulled out a small dagger. He looked into Karl’s face, the fade quickly receding, and Anders plunged the dagger into his heart. “Goodbye,” he mourned.

Karl crumpled to the floor.

“We should probably get out of here, before more templars arrive,” Varric suggested. They didn’t waste any time leaving the Chantry before anyone could discover who had murdered their templars.

Once back at the clinic, Anders pulled out a bitch of parchment. “The map is yours,” Anders said. Sorrow consumed his voice, his eyes, his whole body. He handed them over gently. “I … I need to be alone for a while. But thank you. You don’t know how much it means to me, that you were willing to help.”

Varric had his men begin reviewing them immediately. It wouldn’t be long before they identified one of the entrances on the map as the one to use. But they still had yet to collect the money they needed to convince Bartrand.

~

Hawke and Bethany returned to Anders clinic a few days later. Bethany thought it would be good if they checked up on him, after losing such a close friend.

“Hawke, Bethany,” Anders said a bit surprised when they stepped into the clinic.

“We wanted to come see how you were doing,” Hawke said. “I’m so sorry that things turned out like they did. I know he meant a lot to you.”

“It still … doesn’t seem real,” Anders said. “And I keep finding myself forgetting. I’ll think about how it’s strange that I still haven’t received a letter, or I’ll have a stray thought about something I want to include in a letter to him.”

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Bethany asked.

“You’re too kind,” Anders said. “Especially … especially after what you saw.”

“You mean when you glowed?” Hawke said. She had actually forgotten all about it.

“I mentioned that I have unique circumstances,” Anders said. “They are more unique than you may realize. I … this is hard to explain. When I was in Amaranthine, when I was with the Wardens, I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside the fade. We became friends, and he recognized the injustices that mages in Thedas face every day.”

“A spirit of Justice?” Bethany asked. “Father said that such spirits were incredibly rare.”

“How are they different from demons?” Hawke asked.

“Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are benevolent spirits who embody our virtues; spirits of compassion, fortitude … justice. They are the Maker’s first children, and they have all but given up on us,” Anders explained.

“What does this have to do with your eyes glowing?” Hawke asked, feeling more and more nervous about where this conversation was going.

“To live outside the fade, the spirit of Justice needed … a host,” Anders said. “I … I offered to help him. We were going to work together, to bring justice to every mage ever ripped away from their families to be sent to the circle.”

“Are you saying … what I think you’re saying?” Hawke asked, now very weary of the man in front of her.

“But he … I … I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me, he … changed,” Anders said.

“You’re … possessed,” Bethany gasped. Hawke instinctively took a half step back.

“So this spirit is living inside you still?” Hawke asked.

“It’s … not like that. He’s gone now. He … we merged. Not even the greatest scholar could tell you where I end and where he begins,” Anders said.

“I’ve … I’ve never heard of anything like it,” Bethany said. “Normally when possessed, the demon completely overpowers and consumes the host,” she said turning to Hawke.

“That may be, but … whatever I saw back at the chantry, looked more like a spirit of wrath and fury, than some form of benevolent spirit,” Hawke said.

“Justice is righteous, hard, unmoving. But with my anger, he changed. He is no longer my friend, the spirit of justice. Now he is a force of vengeance, and he has no grasp of mercy,” Anders said.

“That sounds like a rather considerable, and dangerous problem,” Hawke said. “Is there no way to separate him from you?”

“I don’t think so. The only way a spirit has ever been separated from a living host is by its death,” Anders lamented. “This curse is of my own making. All I can do now is hope to control it.”

“Can you bring the spirit out at will?” Bethany asked.

“No. He comes only when I become consumed by my anger, and I lose power over both. It’s a madness, a frenzy. I only find out later, what I might have done,” he explained.

“That does explain a lot,” Hawke said. “Particularly why you hide here in Darktown, and why you work so hard to care for others.”

“I’m so sorry Anders,” Bethany said.

“I had not thought to ever find someone who would look past my … condition,” Anders said.

“Look past … I wouldn’t state it quite like that. You must understand, you said yourself that the spirit is dangerous. That makes me very uneasy. But it’s obvious that you have some control over it. A great deal of control it would seem, that you’re not rampaging in the streets daily. But you also have a very big heart and have only sought to help others,” Hawke replied.

“Your honesty is refreshing, and still far more than I could have hoped for,” Anders said. “I truly have no desire to ever enter the Deep Roads again, but I’m here if you ever need me.”

“You don’t have to join us for the actual expedition,” Hawke said. “But we also need to secure enough gold to pay for the expedition. Which usually means taking a number of dangerous jobs, which means injuries. We could certainly use a healer.”

“I know a little healing magic,” Bethany said. “But it’s nothing like your healing abilities.”

“I could teach you,” Anders said. “And I could always use more help here in the clinic.”

“I would really like that,” Bethany said, and she blushed slightly.

Hawke invited Anders to their weekly meetings, and Anders discussed times that he could spend training Bethany.

Between all the healing they needed, working together on jobs, and Sunshine's little crush, they saw a bit of the Darktown healer.

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This fanfic is based on the amazing Dragon Age games, specifically focusing on the DA2 game. Thank you EA/BIOWARE for such amazing games & characters!

I’m new to tumblr, so please bear with me as I figure out the best formatting.

#dragon age #da2 #f!hawke #anders #champion of kirkwall #fanfic #2020