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#14 year old me was a mess lmao but here we are now
icetobes · 22 days
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911 through a s7 e4
i was very not prepared for this
- SHE GLUED HERSELF 😭😭
- not maddie sending the 118 she’s so funny
- chim ?! oh maddie sent him to get the details for her hmm love it
- the girls flirting with eddie and buck lmao
- “sorry ladies taken and the moment, but he’s not” EDDIE YOU MENACE
- eddies fave after “i don’t date people i meet on calls” IM CRYING LMAO
- chims double take at joey 😭
- what is happening 😭
- chin running off to facetime maddie LMAO
- maddie and josh are my icons i LOVE them
- “come visit me in prison” “do i have to” “i would not”
- BUCK AND TOMMMYYY its that scene….
- “saving someone’s life and then dating them never turns out the way to expect it to” yeah buck knows allllll about that
- not the rain check being going out with eddie
- ew the straight high five
- EVAN ????? don’t call him evan that’s only for eddie and maddie and pre 118 flashbacks
- he’s so awkward i canttttt
- JEALOUSLY JEALOUSYY
- not the heli to vegas 😭
- harry’s baccckk 😭🫶🏻 he surprised athena awwww
- is bobby suspicious ??? what was that look
- ooo restaurant rescue
- RAVVIIIII HES BACCKCKK MY BOY
- “who’s tommy” LMAOOO
- oh that shot is them looking in the sink
- THEIR LOOKS “i guess somebody’s going into the sewer” 🧍🧍 “im going into the sewer” HELLLPP
- bucks jealousssss who would’ve thought
- “i think its great, you can’t have enough friends”
- “when you meet someone you just click” but they didn’t when they first met because buck was being jealous then too oh my god he’s gonna take it to heart isn’t he holy shit
- “i do i really do” you’ve liked him from day ONE
- his face he is so realising he likes him ??? like he has to be ???
- “when do you think you’ll see him again” like he’s dating tommy ??
- KARAOKE TRIVIA THING omg
- WATCH CHRISTOPHER OH
- not him ranting to maddie i cannot
- buck being more jealous because chris likes tommy too …
- “in a very short time” you also did that
- eddie ASKED YOU and you said no so he asked tommy and now you’re jealous… buck come on 😭
- “is it circled with a heart around it” MADDIE MY QUEEN BUDDIE SHIPPER FROM THE BEGINNING
- THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR HARRY ?? oh ???
- the mess- i cannot
- THE WATER HELLP ICON
- “you’re also my mom” oh- ouch
- i’m guessing eddies on the phone to tommy
- and buck… is ?? making noises to get his attention ?? to watch him workout ?? sir… what are you doing
- THE LOOK HE IS FULLY TRYING TO GET HIS ATTENTION LMAO
- THE BALL LMAO not the ball
- “uh huh” HE IGNORED HIM
- HES SAD
- chim to the rescue 🫶🏻
- oh here we go basket ball time…
- I DONT LIKE STRAIGHT EDDIE PUT HIM AWAY THE CHEST BUMP 😭😭😭😭
- also “my boy” ?!
- howie and evan 😭 stop
- BASKETBALL BEARD chim my love, i love you
- THE SPINNNN
- eddie is taunting himmm
- is buck even trying
- the high-fives right in front of him
- OH THE PUSH
- YOU BUCKED THAT UP stop the poor man just wants eddie
- harry :(((
- athena my beloved :(( she’s so aaaaa
- “i haven’t talked to him” 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍
- the scene the scene the scene
- PISSED SEEING HIM AND TOMMY BE GOOD FRIENDS BUCK YOU ARE ON THE FLOOR FOR THIS MAN GET UPPP
- “get his attention” im 😭😭
- “i know how you feel” let this go where i want it to go
- it didn’t but whatever
- “im not a 14 year old girl” tell that to your googly eyes for eddie huh if you could you’d have posters of him around your room girlie
- stop acting like one REAL AND TRUE
- “and i really great mom” ILL CRY 🫶🏻😭
- TOMMY AT BUCK DOOR
- can we talk…
- “i’ve been causing bad blood” no bucks just jealous because he’s in love and doesn’t know it yet
- “no bad blood just bad behaviour” LMAO
- “that kid cannot shut up about you” and buck twirls his hair like he’s not in eddies will he’s so happy about it lmao
- “it wasn’t about you” “that’s usually my problem” he’s so me help
- i can get pretty jealous WE KNOW OMG
- tommy jealous of the 118 :(((
- fake mouth static 😭
- why do they look like they’re gonna kiss
- i wanted to get to know you im-
- the homoerotic vibes of this scene i cannot
- trying to get YOIR ATTENTION WHAT IS HAPPENING
- yeah i guess so ?? WHAT IS HAPPEING
- OH THEY DID KISS
- OH GUCKING THEYDKWOZBSSK
- HOLY SHIT
- IM WINNING
- IM SHAKING
- “like that” IT WORKSS ?? fuck
- “so that was okay” im melting
- that was better that fake mouth static
- 8 saturday date 🫶🏻
- for gods sake please call eddie YES REAL
anyway i’m so happy that buck is having his (to quote heartstopper) full on gay crisis, finally the man’s getting a man !!
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lovely-menza · 1 year
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It's me (again) tag!
Tagged by @blackccelebration to do this thingy, thank you so much!! I sort of remember of doing a tag like this long ago but now we can update it yay!1!!!! 💜💜
1 - Are you named after anyone?
Not really, after a song yes, the other one is just because mum liked the name and I like to think it's because a medieval weapon but that's just me ksjdksjs
2 - When was the last time you cried?
Uhm I cry all the time, but last time it was last tuesday at the bus stop 💀💀💀
3 - Do you have kids?
Nope fortunately, but I do have a dog who is just like a kid! (just turned 1 this month) and the other one is just like an old man (turned 15 this month) but I love them
4 - Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Not all the time, I come as pretty sincere even when it's the perfect moment to let out my wittiness, but that's when I pay a lot of attention, I suck at being witty sometimes :')
5 - What's the first thing you notice about people?
I remember writing something like 'their face expression when I'm talking to them' which still stands today xD no but seriously, I'm still insecure and sometimes worry about how do people perceive me, but I think it also has to do to the fact that I like face expressions and structures a lot lol
6 - What's your eye colour?
Brown, even if the sunlight flashes in it goes from dark brown to light brown and no other variation, some of us are boring asf okay?
7 - Scary movies or happy endings?
Idk what is this supposed to mean but I like scary movies with any endings!!!
8 - Any special talents?
Obsessing over dead pe- Okay actually I think drawing portraits or faces (once again me looking at people's faces) and uhm... instruments count? I just play bass as you've seen jmhskdhsksj but then again I'll keep with art and maybe my good interaction with any pet
9 - Where were you born?
Argentina WORLD CHAMPION PAPÁ ⭐⭐⭐
(in Buenos Aires btw)
10 - What are your hobbies?
Playing bass lmao, also drawing since I went on and off by MANY YEARS ALREADY it's frustrating but I'll work on that!! and uh, collecting vinyl records? I don't go out and hunt that much but when I do I don't buy literally anything, I have a little collection of things I adore rather than just keeping lots of records I won't listen to that much
Btw my last finding was Reggatta De Blanc 1986 press record kajskahskajd
11 - Have you any pets?
As I already mentioned two dogs with their respective ages! the baby one is called Bonita (or Bonnie/Lola for the friends) who I adopted 6 months after my doggie Lila passed away :( and the oldie but goldie is Ciro, who's still alive after the fucking mess he was all his life, I adopted him as a weeks-old puppy but he's stray at heart lol
12 - What sports do you play/have played?
I only played volleyball and softball at school, I didn't like softball a lot but volleyball is always fun
pity I dropped out because I couldn't play with my mates - as an outcast myself they'd always play with their friends except me :]
13 - How tall are you?
I'm around 1,65 or 1,68 idk I wish I was a tiny bit taller sometimes hhhh
14 - Favourite subject in school?
Either was the music-related subjects I had in highschool (I don't even remember the names now but it were two branches of it) or history, philosophy... can't think of any other
15 - Dream job?
Living off from art I think, any lol
Now I have to tag 15 blogs? damn okay here you go: @the-rippers, @lil-melody, @outlandos-d-amour, @l0st-d0gs, @crampdown, @thespiritofvexation, @dy3rs3v3 , @viktoria-sob, @larsgoingtomars, @musicrunsthroughmysoul, @themagicalmysticalboy, @jeffament, @princessleiaqueen, @overthinkinks & @itbe1964 Of course you know this is optional so you can ignore and go on with yer life :D
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ghost-town-story · 5 months
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Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now
So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.
Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol
The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)
So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.
A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:
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A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D
Alright, les go
And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*
At least the wine is good lol
Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"
I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward
Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?
Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh
Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah
Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it
One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao
Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)
Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????
James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him
Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name
Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol
RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself
Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!
Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol
babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao
James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with
“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????
this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans
Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment
Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot
AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE
okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)
and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions
yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it
thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"
I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah
Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol
you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!
Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao
For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!
Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)
Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol
Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????
Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)
Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet
Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3
And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21
I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol
Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!
Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol
I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.
Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness
And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")
Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)
OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL
also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits
oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*
Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude
also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)
heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz
This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.
Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol
And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well
oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this
Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like
Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.
goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably
also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo
James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp
I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!
Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic
Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through
"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden
Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man
"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol
Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)
and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs
“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!
Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet
It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.
THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!
so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break
Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol
they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)
Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P
also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!
meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol
Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from
James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)
90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works
seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol
and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)
absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral
ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol
I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol
Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol
There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"
oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol
okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)
okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?
Whump time!!
ah yes, overprotective James
yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh
whump whump!!
ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"
babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)
"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child
okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!
lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably
Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight
but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.
oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married
Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice
and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.
also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now
Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*
and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol
whump and trauma time!!
damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old
that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3
yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)
another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?
James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now
okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol
Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol
Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol
Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys
Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!
goddamn nerds lol
Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec
"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)
Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship
lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname
Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol
Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol
Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!
and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way
Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit
i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi
“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao
welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably
hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me
You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me
That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)
yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol
anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!
oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!
poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet
god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment
Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs
I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"
more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww
"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol
Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit
sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol
And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol
James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol
oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD
and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh
they are both such stubborn bastards omg
yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P
Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P
yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are
oh those nerds
so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!
oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?
good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways
anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol
So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️
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13docwriting · 5 months
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'Ello! It's me again, giving my VERY long live stream review of Doctor Who, the Wild Blue Yonder.
(I don't do trailers or ANY spoilers for episodes, so it's an honest, gut reaction review RIGHT out of the gates for this one haha)
SPOILERS BELOW:
Once again, my first essay is this: I really, really miss watching it "live" with other fans. And, after a whole week of being active with the fandom, I've realized that spoilers are INSTANT. I couldn't watch this episode right when it was released on Disney plus and I was spoiled JUST by opening Tumblr to start this post. Could I have blocked the tags? Yeah, but I was going to watch the episode only three hours after it had went up, so I assumed I could avoid the worst of it. ANYWAY, my point stands... I'm really going to miss watching it with other fans because I have to make posts like this AND because spoilers are a problem.
NOW THEN.
1. HISTORICAL EPISODE. YES? PROBABLY? IS THAT GOING TO BE NEWTON??? OH HECK YES, THE APPLE FELL IT'S HIM. I looooooove DW historical episodes, oh my god.
2."But don't worry. He's got a time machine, which means he can blame me for all eternity." Donna Noble, stay sassy forever.
3. I CALLED NEWTON. Heck yes!!!!
4. Donna's and the Doctor's chemistry really reigns supreme to me. Now, I wouldn't necessarily pair Donna with 11th or 12th, the dynamic would be wildly different (huh, one day I'll write an essay about that), but the tenth Doctor needed Donna and the fourteenth Doctor appreciates that. It's really, really interesting and so lovely to see, honestly.
7. "The TARDIS played us a war song". Woah boy, here we go, PLOT.
5. It would be the Doctor to mess up history to THAT sort of extreme, wouldn't it lmao. "Mavity" to "gravity" is just too great. Aww, bye Newton! I wish we got more of him.
6. Yo the TARDIS is PISSED!!! Jeez, of course it's possible to have literally ANYTHING happen to the TARDIS, but I never consider "giant flame the likes of which a rocket could fly from" on the docket.
8. Ya know, I can't remember if I've ever seen the TARDIS's top light go on. And also, kudos to the TARDIS for the adorable "ding" noise when it did so, made me smile.
9. Bu-bu-budget. Holy. Cow. The space ship looks so good! Just insane.
10. Donna: "Was it me, or was Isaac Newton hot?" The Doctor: "He was, wasn't he... Oh, is that who I am now?" .... Donna: "well it was never that far from the surface, mate." RTD, as always, SAID "GAY RIGHTS" and I'm here for it. Very much reminded of the Doctor's infamous Shakespeare episode with Martha. "56 academics just punched the air"! But really, if I had heard a conversation like this when I was younger, I would be sobbing. Even if I'm a woman, just having a casual conversation in terms of liking the same sex is so valuable.
11. Why are we constantly losing the TARDIS. 13's era was also infamous for it.
12. Aww them fighting hurt... And you know what hurt more? Watching the Doctor comfort Donna. I mean, it was perfect, but it took SO LONG for the Doctor to be wiling to get there. I love character growth, even 15 years later.
13. "Go and kick its arse" HECK YES, DONNA. You got that right!
14. Doctor: "I know 57,000,000,205 [languages]." MY HEADCANON. Oh, my good old headcanon. So the TARDIS translates for humans but the Doctor knows the languages! I MEAN. It's confirmed!!! AH. I feel like some people would be disappointed by that but it's still cool to know that the Doctor DOES speak different languages. (Yo, my Academy Era fans, could you imagine the Doctor learning all that with the Deca? The Master is losing his mind as we speak.)
15. Once again, a million gold stars to everyone who did the music. It's so FULL.
16. This is a personal thing, but I love when the Doctor has moments that make the title "Time Lord" make sense. The whole "maybe time slowed down?" "No, I'd feel it in my bones." Like, YES, a Time Lord feeling that kind of thing makes sense, thank you!
17. "Allons, as idiots say, y!" oh my god Donna I'd marry you, I swear. Thank you for the sass. Also love the fact that Donna is driving the cart. No idea why, it just makes total sense.
18. Donna: "That's my family over there [one hundred trillion years away]". I have words about Donna having a family, I swear to you, but mostly it's this... Donna's dedication and love for her family is exactly what she needed in her life and I support her whole heartedly. It's beautiful, and perfect, and I do wonder how much of that dedication to keep her family safe comes from the Doctor.
19. I don't know if it's specifically a call back, but 14 licking the "dangerous" thingy felt like a 13 moment and I damn near teared up. Now, him faking being hurt by that? That was either 9 or 12, I can't decide lmao.
20. I'm about 25 minutes into the episode but I sincerely don't know what way this plot is going. We got a goal of "find the TARDIS by removing the danger", we've changed the word "gravity" to "mavity", and we're stuck at the edge of the universe... Love a good mystery, but I'm really wondering where this episode is going.
21. I'm unsure if David Tennant filmed the second season of Good Omens before or after DW, but I JUST saw Crawley's iconic swagger as he was walking away from Donna and I'm here for it haha.
22. I'm getting "half the ship inside a warm hole / Missy, the Doctor, and Bill's" plotline vibes. Does time move differently throughout the ship, just as Donna thought?
23. Donna: "Do you miss home? Gallifrey?" Doctor: "I suppose... But that got complicated." SAY IT, DOCTOR. Please, please, PLEASE. I'd love to hear that parts of 13's plotline live on, PLEASE. I know that's my desire, personally, but I'd kill for it. *Sigh*... But by being cryptic, it might make fans go back to watch her era, and I'd love that too.
24. Hmmm going off of #22... I'm thinking clones instead? OH NOT CLONES. NOT CLONES. Aliens! For sure aliens!
25. Can we talk about the cgi? I mean, it's pretty damn good considering what we had in the past. How crazy is that? Good cgi? Also, kudos to our main leads for their acting here! Always fun to see actors doppelgange themselves lol
26. I am SO FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW. I didn't know this was a horror movie thing! It's December!
27. WE KEPT THE FLUX. WE K E P T T H E F L U X. We have the Timeless Child AND the Flux! We have the Doctor being so, so heartbroken about the Flux, out loud! Oh my god, I could cry. Really, I could give a great big shout. I know RTD mentioned that he was going to keep it, but he didn't have to do it so blatantly and make it a plot point! That's so, so g r e a t. AND- AND it leaves no room for discussion about 13's era! It still has continuality - it's engrained into the Doctor, even with a new writer and the next new writer and the next Doctor!!!! NO ONE CAN TAKE THE TIMELESS CHILD ARC FROM ME IF IT MEANS IT LIVES ON IN ANOTHER DOCTOR. HA.
I will write more about that because, really, it's so important to me. It such a small thing, but 13 Doctor fans can have a good cry tonight. It's so validating.
28. Oh wait, nope, hold on... Not done with point #27. The Doctor punching at the walls after hearing about the Flux and the Timeless child again? Screaming in rage, in pain, in everything that 13 couldn't do - that 13 refused to do, because she couldn't let anyone know she was hurting? 13 kept her walls so high that she tried to convince herself that everything was alright. 14 is the effects of that, a complete change, a metamorphous into that pain and I am LIVING for it. 13 couldn't scream, not properly, but 14 can.
29. Hehe. The Doctor's biggest strength, their intellect, needed to be squashed to save the day? Nope, no way, not in a million years could ANY Doctor do it. One single question and they've gotta solve it until it's done. Side note, if any reader can't tell, I am having a GREAT time. I may not have expect to be scared, but I'm loving it!
30. WILF. WILF. OH MY GOD. Aww wow, just amazing. Just amazing.
Summary: It's nothing like I ever expected. No one was given any hints about this episode and I find myself... Pretty happy with it. It's a convoluted plot, that's for sure, but it was fun as all heck. Scary! I mean, heart pounding, VERY close to the Midnight episode scary, but good! Random! Oddly randomly, I really don't know where to rank this episode. It feels a bit like it was thrown in just to have an episode, but that also doesn't necessarily make it bad.
I do think a lot of it was cushioned by some really good acting and characterization. The plot was slow going in a strange way, once again cushioned by nostalgia and everyone's need to see the tenth Doctor and Donna again. BUT, episodes like this make me excited (and nervous) to see how RTD is going to handle a brand new Doctor.
I will have a speech about RTD keeping the Timeless Child. A very long speech. But know that I, personally, am very thankful.
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stevebabey · 3 months
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I'm the first anon, thank you so much for understanding. I have those feelings for months now and I'm going crazy lmao.
I wish I could get into character x character stuff, but unfortunately, my stupid brain loves to consume stuff through self insert, so x reader is my preferred outlet for everything :/ I just feel like I don't belong anywhere in this fandom rn in terms of content creation. I'm not into most x reader stuff and I like to explore more character things, but I also don't really belong in there because I'm not a shipper.
It's just so frustrating to see, and the other anon was right. The tiktokification of media and fandoms in general is insane to watch. Like I saw a tiktok that complained that the Poppy War by Rf Kuang was boring because it had no spice. M'am, this is a book about war? 😭 Or, like everything is described in tropes (that's a problem for books, not fanfic per se) for fast consumption, the plot doesn't matter if certain scenarios are not ticked off. Not to mention AI and things like characterAI where people just get quickly what they want without using really their imagination (plus them not caring that this is stealing from real people).
And yeah, the whole minor part. It's insane to tell 12 year olds, that virgins write the best stuff. I'm reading and writing fics since I was 14, and I'm "lucky" I wasn't really exposed to those things until I was 16. English isn't my first language, so fanfics were a bit limited, I guess (plus having a very nieche interest that didn't reach international fame and fandom). Also, I mostly consumed stuff from friends I know irl and we had a few spicy scenes because we were curious, but we never got exposed to hardcore smut. I'm not saying there should be no smut at all, everyone is free to express themselves. It's a problem if the fandom is only that because it creates a space not everyone has access to or gets messed up. Fandom is community and everyone should feel welcome. If I was a minor and all writer blogs tell me to fuck off because they only write mature things, idk if I would even wanna stay. Which is also another problem because fandoms die out so quickly as it is.
Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this exactly because you already said everything and I agree with you. <33
omg you say you don't know where you're going with this but brought up so many good POINTS
you're not crazy and you're definitely not the only one feeling that way!! i understand completely and it's infuriating that the topic of it is almost tongue in cheek in this fandom and lots of people feel they would be better off biting their tongue than expressing that frustration ://
character x character is something that takes a hot minute to get into i've found, i've honestly only just gotten into it within the last year or so (because i also struggle with like ocs and the like) but i am a long lover of the self insert i can't even lie <3
but there's like a difference between the way you describe this!! i think you're very much like me and it's like a genuine love for a character that drives your desire for writing self-insert- its like i love this dude so much and i want them to be happy and i want to be that source of happiness, i want to be that first kiss or gentle touch they need :D
andddd that's my problem with so much of the smut-leaning fics. where's the soul!?! where's the driving heart of the story? the best fics are the most self indulgent because you can see the best parts of someone in them !!!!
i'm really sorry that you feel like you don't have a place in this fandom but you do definitely belong here honey- fandom is supposed to be a community and there's no prerequisite to existing here at all and the fact there feels like there are certain amounts you have to succeed in to be a writer is so just bleh
tiktok is a goddam brainrotting place lmao and every day im not on it is a great one! the trope shit is SO true, like the idea that if you can check a few boxes (one of those things being smut) its the thing that makes a piece good instead of how it's written and the passion for the story like ugh and don't even get me started on ai 😭 that is a shitshow in itself and anyone who uses that to write fics or complete other peoples fics are absolute garbage people
the minor thing is yeah completely fucked and you raise SUCH a good point about how it limits the spaces that they can occupy which is so fucking stupid cos how many of us started in fandom at young ages??? everyone should feel welcome! and god the thought of someone trying to so hard to avoid nsfw content but just to have it shoved down their throat in every other post and also having so many writers telling them to fuck off ur so right, i wouldn't wanna stay either!
and it's just so so so sad because there are a thousand people who i WISH would write their ideas, write their fics, whether its bad or good first time around because THAT is the point of fandom. love for the source! new ideas! people's new takes on old tropes over and over :D
ah you opened the floodgate in me.... you didn't ask for advice but truly, write the most self indulgent stuff ever and it can't lead you wrong. i hope the culture of fandom changes and every time you ignore the urge to write for what u think people will like and just write what you want, we all get a little bit closer to that change :")
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golbrocklovely · 1 year
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since i was asked so nicely by a lovely anon...
here’s the first half of colby’s tweets from 2020.
i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.
if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.
if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol
added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted
~~~~~~~~~~~
Jan. 1 - being stuck in an elevator with 15 of your friends is the best way to start 2020
i kissed my hand this new years
ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space
Jan. 2 - thank you all i love you all
Jan. 7 - weird to think that about a year ago i was sitting in a cell in FL.. time flies
Jan. 11 - lmao i love you guys you get me
Jan. 13 - only fools rush in
Jan. 15 - you took the sun with you when you left -RK
the back of my mind has a constant itch for you
Jan. 16 - happy jail anniversary @/SamGolbach thanks for bailing me out
Jan. 19 - i promise you i’ll never act my age
Jan. 20 - real talk. should sam and i go on tour 2020?
(this makes really sad…)
Jan. 23 - there was an old man who kept coming to the 13th floor around 3am where our room was last night. i don’t like miami anymore i’m headed to orlando
Jan. 31 - looking for that deep connection with someone i'm tired of the superficial shit
Feb. 2 - IM DRUNK AT 3PM LETS GOOO CHIEFSSS
Feb. 4 - my couch is like a bed i could stay here forever
@/BigNik: Nobody cares about my well being but that’s ok
Feb. 5 - you should rap about this real shit bro that would change a lot. turn this emotion into art. i hope you know even if i’m busy i’m always still down to talk as well brother
(i don't like big nik, but this was such a sweet interaction &lt;3)
out of curiosity , would YOU ever spend the night in Queen Marys room B340 if you could ..?
Feb. 6 - imagine if we could all go explore some crazy haunted place one day … together. 🤔 i wonder if that’s even possible
if anyone is taking high school Chemistry right now , i’m so sorry
Feb. 7 - sometimes i can’t take a joke and it’s so annoying
Feb. 8 - i really don’t like myself when i party too hard but i got the best friends in the whole world
@/badboywolfy: This is Saturday afternoon regret hours
you feel me
Feb. 10 - valentine’s day is coming up soon i think i’m gunna throw up
Feb. 12 - sometimes my mind can turn into my worst enemy
Feb. 13 - cant stop thinking about living in another big house with all my boys.. life is about to be insane
keep on fighting and i will too
Feb. 14 - to whoever left a basket of chocolates and teddy bears at my door .. i <3 u
Feb. 15 - I MISS DUBAI
Feb. 16 - shadow man is watching
Feb. 17 - my pupils make me look like i’m rolling balls CONSTANTLY
Feb. 18 - still trying to process the psychic saying i was an old soul estimated to have lived a past 21 lives .. shit messes with your head
Feb. 20 - meeting you guys never gets old
Feb. 24 - missing the nights alone on my balcony
Feb. 25 - express your creativity
(i always wonder why he tweets shit like this out of no where lol)
Feb. 27 - blue haired Colbys makin a comeback
Feb. 29 - i'm always feeling like i'm in a dream
March 3 - need to watch the sunset more
March 5 - i don’t wanna tell my story i’d rather hear yours
March 8 - if this is all we know then we might as well run with it
March 9 - who’s down to have some deep conversations i’m tired of small talk
March 11 - just had my first sleep paralysis dream .. never experienced something so terrifying
praying for the world right now
(and here we go into the pandemic stuff……… great)
March 12 - you can have the prettiest face but i still won’t f w you if the personality isn’t there
March 13 - knowing that we all know nothing
March 15 - i haven’t stocked up on food or hygiene essentials does that mean i’m going to die ? am i making the wrong move here ?
March 16 - if postmates stops delivering i’m actually fucked
random fan: Just sit on your balcony, the stars will feed you
the balcony is the answer to all my internal worries/suffering
March 17 - day 3 of no food in the quarantine, not sure how much longer i can go with just a few almonds to spare. everything is spinning slowly.. i’ve been seeing silhouettes in my room dancing gracefully on the walls, i think my mind is leaving me. would you guys be mad if i ate Sam?
March 18 - time moves on, memories never fade
March 20 - the worst thing is never the last thing
March 22 - i think the only person i can really make crack up is myself
March 24 - it’s times like this i wish i had a little dog by my side who i could call my bestest friend..
@/amberscholl: here u go (pic of george)
can i borrow him? just for a week..? .. or maybe two?
@/amberscholl: (gif saying 'you want it? come and get it')
see you tonight
March 26 - guys i’m trying to learn how to dance but it’s gunna take some time i’m too awkward
March 29 - my last night on the balcony
March 30 - where the emo girls at
(i remember this tweet causing so much chaos in the fandom. everyone claiming they were emo… absolute madness lol)
March 31 - what can i say? me and the boys got gluteus to the MAXimus
(i take it back. THAT PHOTO OF THE BOYS NAKED AND THEIR BARE ASSES?!?!?! died right then and there.)
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mbrainspaz · 1 year
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I posted 3,907 times in 2022
That's 1,137 more posts than 2021!
565 posts created (14%)
3,342 posts reblogged (86%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@mbrainspaz (I feel called out.)
@b1y7h3shifter
@dkpsyhog
@geeneelee
@curlsabroad
I tagged 2,865 of my posts in 2022
Only 27% of my posts had no tags
#tiktok - 154 posts
#funny video - 131 posts
#personal problems - 112 posts
#life of a texan peasant - 91 posts
#funny story - 78 posts
#funny post - 77 posts
#us politics - 75 posts
#gifs - 68 posts
#writer problems - 63 posts
#lmao - 62 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#i will continue to enjoy my trash entertainment where everybody comes back to life and nothing makes sense and villains are inexplicably ho
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Can people change?
Yes
Can you change them?
Nope!
85 notes - Posted June 27, 2022
#4
I keep coming back lately to how f*cked up it was that my dad never let me mess anything up. Oh no, don’t climb out the window and sit on the roof--you’ll damage the shingles. So I put out beach towels and was extra careful, and he still got mad. Some of my best childhood memories were sitting out on that roof with my brother or my friends. Man f*ck the shingles. We sold that house a year later anyway. I waited years for him to fix the toilet paper roll holder in an upstairs bathroom--then one day just broke down and fixed it myself. It took me 5 minutes. And he was mad because I didn’t use the right kind of screws. F*ck the right screws. It looked perfect and it worked just fine, at least until I moved out. Now I’ve been out here living with a bunch of rogue ranchers and old engineers and it’s given me a whole new perspective on life. The first day I moved onto this ranch the owner got out an electric saw and cut a hole straight through a sewer pipe. I nearly panicked! Like--YOU CAN JUST DO THAT?!?! Just break something?! It was a horrible job! But BAM--it was done! And that sh*t changed my whole worldview. Last week I helped remodel a bridge with some spare logs and a pickaxe. I’ve sawed open the roof of my house and glued it back together. I’ve torn wall fixtures off and burned them in a bonfire. 
GO AHEAD! BREAK IT. Wear down the shingles. Cut holes through the wall. Get mud on the sofa. Put stickers on your car. Break the world around you just a little instead of living in fear of losing resale value you rarely get back anyway. It’ll be fine. 
198 notes - Posted April 7, 2022
#3
How much did I want a horse?
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A totally sane amount. 🫣
406 notes - Posted September 1, 2022
#2
have I mentioned how hilarious it is to me when people ask me about my gender and I tell them I'm non-binary and they go "well I don't believe in all that." Cool beans pal. And I don't give a f*ck about your beliefs. Have a nice day. 😂
448 notes - Posted June 16, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
mom: It’s so crazy it’s like everyone around me is getting covid.
me: that’s why it’s spiking, mom.
mom: no like your dad was saying I’m the carrier, haha. 
me: Well you might be. You were sick over christmas and everyone else had it after. [and I begged you to wear a mask but you went around kissing everybody instead]
mom: But my symptoms were really mild and allergy meds made mine go away.
me: allergy meds can treat symptoms. My regular ones have helped with covid too.
mom: huh. But your dad’s symptoms are totally different. He’s got a fever and he’s been throwing up. It’s really bad. Same with our friend from church. 
me: Were they vaccinated?
mom: no. 
me: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE NOT VACCINATED.
mom: But your dad already had covid before the pandemic. 
me: IT’S A DIFFERENT STRAIN MOM. PEOPLE CAN GET COVID MULTIPLE TIMES MOM. THAT’S WHAT THE VACCINE IS FOR MOM. THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TELLING Y’ALL FOR TWO YEARS MOM.
mom: Well...
675 notes - Posted January 16, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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bruisingknees · 1 year
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I got a tag from @notabuddhist :D 
1. are you named after anyone? 
No! As per (regional? Local?) custom my middle names are those of my godparents, but my first name comes from the song Aline by Christophe. 
 2. when was the last time you cried? 
I teared up a little while listening to Delilah Green Doesn’t Care - it has some family/siblings stuff in it that always gets me. 
3. do you have kids? 
No, and I have absolutely no desire for them atm. I think it’s lovely when people who really want (and have all necessary things in order to have them) have them. But the thought of pregnancy, the thought of labor and then the thought of having that child in my life is just extremely unpleasant to me lmao. I very often feel very overwhelming relief that I don’t have kids. 
 4. do you use sarcasm a lot? 
I don’t know, a normal amount lmfao? Probably not a lot, no. 
 5. what sports do you play / have you played? 
When I was a kid my parents made me take Aikido. Now, as an adult, I definitely understand why they did it and where they were coming from - but as a kid with undiagnosed (social) anxiety it was very confusing to me because I couldn’t really grasp why I felt so fucking messed up every week when it was time to go there. I was just so nervous and so anxious every time. And then when I got there it was mainly fine? Exposure therapy didn’t really work for me, as I remember it I was anxious about it till the very end. 
Anyway, I walk a lot now and I have phases where I’ll be really into yoga but I’m in an off phase right now. 
 6. what's the first thing you notice about other people? 
I’m not a very noticing kind of person when it comes to like visual things. (When my dad picked up his new glasses I was like: They look good! Are they very different from your old pair...? And apparently they were lmfao. I also never noticed when friends in HS got their braces removed?? Love being unaware.) 
I think I notice someone’s expression/mood first? Like is this person smiling or not, what kind of expression do they have. Do they look nice lmao? 
 7. what's your eye colour? 
Brown
 8. scary movies or happy endings? 
If there is a scary movie playing in cinemas, that will always be my first choice, very enthusiastically. I adore horror movies, always have. They scare the shit out of me (in the moment) but that’s never stopped me! I’m here to get traumatised!  
A happy ending is a must for me. You’re gonna make me care about something and then have it end in a sad way? Gtfo with that qmdgj. 
 9. any special talents? 
worrying and making my own life a lot harder than it has to be  
10. where were you born? 
Belgium - which is not a Dutch city, as per that viral clip
11. what are your hobbies? 
Fangirling is a hobby, right? I watch a lot of shows - mainly Thai atm.  I’ve read 18 books so far this year, but that’s also something that comes and goes in phases I love going to the movies, finding new places to go out to eat I love cooking and baking and more of those home making things like decorating for the seasons
 12. do you have any pets. 
I have a senior cat - and my parents have two cats, who I basically consider my own because at least the eldest cat we took in when I still lived at home. My brother has two dogs, so I’m also a proud aunty. 
 13. how tall are you? 
167cm (which I think is 5′6?)
 14. favourite subject in school? 
English, cause I was good at it and the teacher was really sweet and pretty. 
 15. dream job? 
I just want a job that makes me enough money so I can get by and afford some luxuaries, and that isn’t mentally tasking lmfao. I wanna get in there, do the job and then get out there lmao. No over time, no bullshit, no anxiety. I’m currently working for my parents and ngl it’s sort of my dream job because it’s stressfree 95% of the time and my bosses are my parents so they’re obviously very lenient. They’re looking at retirement though, so I only have a couple of more years left here and it’s gonna suck to find something new but alas. 
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purplesurveys · 2 years
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1532
1. Are you embarrassed / uncomfortable dancing in front of other people? For the most part, especially if it’s a choreographed dance. I think the only three settings I’d be fine with dancing in are at a bar, at a concert, and at a club and that’s obviously because nobody cares when people start dancing in those places haha.
2. Would you ever consider styling your hair as a mohawk? No. It wouldn’t be my style.
3. Do you have any friends that only bother to communicate with you when they need something from you? Or, do you do that to any of your friends? I haven’t felt this from any of my friends; on my end I also try to be watchful with my interactions so that I don’t come off as this type of person. I do have a high school batchmate who reaches out at least once a year to ask for monetary support for her family (she has three kids). As much as I want to help, I just don’t want her to end up being too dependent on others - as is unfortunately very common Filipino behavior - especially since I’ve heard she does this with every one of our batchmates. 
4. Have you ever curled up in front of a fireplace, whether alone or with someone? I’ve never been anywhere with a fireplace. I’d be surprised if I saw one in this country.
5. Do you ever drink directly from beverage containers because you don’t want to dirty a cup? No. I feel like that would mess with the beverage and make it go rancid sooner, so I’ve never done that.
6. When you come across surveys with poor grammar, do you fix it or pass on doing the survey because it’s too difficult to comprehend? I’ll fix it.
7. Have you ever accidentally dumped something sticky into your keyboard? How did you go about fixing it? No, fortunately. That would drive me crazy; even just food crumbs irritate me already so I can’t imagine how agitated I’d be if my keyboard (and laptop) got all sticky.
8. If you were in a situation where you had only enough money to pay for either a necessity [medicine, hygiene products, food, whatever] or something you just wanted - would you honestly purchase the thing you needed over the thing you wanted? Yes. That is something I would like to call The Effect of the Pandemic lmao. There was one point we really only had to buy the essentials every two weeks, and we also ended up having to sell one of our cars. My dad also had to take up a side job as a delivery rider so that he could earn during the time all cruise ships stopped services and he couldn’t go back to his work.
9. Of all of the electronics you own [excluding kitchen appliances], which one do you use the least? The Switch.
10. Do you know any men that wear slippers? Yes. Is it supposed to be unique if men wore them? Lmao Filipinos wear slippers and flip-flops all the time so this question comes off as strange.
11. Are there any smudges on your computer screen? Do you neglect to clean it? Not really smudges but like small specks of dirt here and there on the screen. I clean my laptop at least once a month or as soon as I start to feel icky.
12. ^ Have you ever sneezed on your computer screen? No, I always turn to the side before I do.
13. Would you [now or back when you were younger] be more interested in karate classes or gymnastics? I feel like I would have been interested in karate and I’m pretty sure my 5 year old self had even raised this with my mom. I feel like I was the only Filipino kid who never enrolled in a taekwondo class lmao; I was made to take up ballet instead.
14. Is your bath tub [assuming you have one] big enough for two people to lay in comfortably together? We don’t have a bathtub.
15. How often do you get sock lint between your toes? I don’t wear socks enough for this to happen. < Same.
16. Have you ever created anything in either Bryce or Poser? What is this even talking about? Are they software apps? Hahaha.
17. If you carry a purse, roughly how big is it? What do you carry in it? I have a handbag, rather than a purse. It’s definitely too big for the stuff I usually carry, but I like the extra space for cases I’ll suddenly need to put extra things in it. Anyway, I never leave the house without my wallet, vaccination cards, phone charger, and my tumbler. Occasionally I’ll bring my laptop too.
18. Of all the pets you have had throughout your life, which one has meant the most to you? Is there a reason why? I love all the pets I’ve had and have, of course...but there would never be anything like my relationship with Kimi. He was with me in all the turbulent moments of my life, just patiently sitting by, being. Our need to be physically close to one another was consistently mutual, and he was, and continues to be, essentially an extension of my identity. I also didn’t go through suicide in the handful of times I planned mine because of him – because I didn’t know who else was going to look out for him as much as I did.
19. Have you / would you ever go spelunking? Sure! I had the chance before, just didn’t have the appropriate footwear haha; next time I find myself near a cave I’ll make sure I’m bringing the right shoes so I can finally join.
20. If you could either be fire resistant or breathe underwater, which would you rather be capable of? Fire resistant. Can come in handy during fires and animals would need to be saved.
21. Would you rather live in a cabin up in the snowy mountains, a busy city, or a house by the beach? Busy city. House by the beach is great as like a vacation spot that I’d visit a few times a year, but I don’t want to live permanently by the water; I’m scared of losing the magic I usually feel when I’m by the sea.
22. Do you find the idea of space more exciting or frightening? So exciting. I just want to keep learning how big it is and what else is out there.
23. Do you know anyone who works / has worked in a fast food restaurant? Do you look down upon people who work in such environments? I don’t think so, but I know my cousin worked at a café at one point. No, I don’t look down at any career and I have so much respect in particular for anyone in the service industry - fast food staff, department store crew, security guards, all of them. Some customers won’t be the nicest, so I try to do what I can to just be kind.
24. Assuming you have blown bubbles in your milk before, were you yelled at for doing it as a kid? Yeah we were lightly chided to not play with our food, but I wouldn’t say we were yelled at for it.
25. Do you think that fake plants are tacky? Have you ever seen any that looked real? No, I don’t think they’re tacky.
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About to watch S20E27 “The Anniversary Waltz”, which doesn’t actually have John in it but it has Henrik so I can’t skip it. (I mean I could skip it but... Henrik my bisexual autistic king.)
Edit 1: Ric calling out the government “messing around with [the NHS]” within the episode’s first minute. Now this is the Holby I know and love. This is a Holby that actually still gave a semblance of a damn about being a show about the NHS (it was already fading out from that but it wasn’t that bad yet) instead of being Eastenders with stethoscopes. (Seriously makes me laugh how people praised the final episodes of Holby for paying some lip service to the NHS when it hadn’t been a show about it for years. Pushing anything even remotely political to the side until after the show has already been cancelled isn’t brave writing, it’s cowardice.)
Edit 2: Jac!!
Edit 3: Jac and Nicky’s first meeting. Jac: “Who is she, and why is she following me around like Little Orphan Annie?”
Also, Abigail’s unintentional double entendre to Jac made me laugh my ass off: “Always good to be touched on your entrance.”
Edit 4: An organ donation plot? Joe Ainsworth really ripped off his own script from this episode for the finale lmao.
Edit 5: We can have a patient call Serena “Dr. McKinnie”, but we never got Reyhan calling Henrik “Henrik Lövborg”. Though it was against continuity to have Reyhan be Henrik’s teacher in the first place so I guess it makes sense that they’d also defy continuity by ignoring that Henrik’s surname would’ve been Lövborg at the time.
Edit 6: The first appearance of the nickname “Foetus”!
Edit 7: People doing actual medical stuff?! In my Holby?! Those were the days.
Edit 8: Can you imagine if we’d had Jac/Abigail instead of Flac?
Edit 9: The patient attacking Zav. Jesus.
Edit 10: HENRIK MY BELOVED
Edit 11: Henrik’s body language and speech patterns in this scene are really autistic. Feels like I’m looking in a mirror.
Edit 12: I miss Ric. I miss Ric so much.
Edit 13: Serena’s interactions with her patient are kind of cute actually.
Edit 14: Ric refers to a past patient of his as “built like the Hulk”. Donna: “I never understood why he burst out of his shirt, but not his trousers!”
Man, I adore Donna.
Edit 15: This patient and her husband are adorable. Couple goals.
Edit 16: Jac’s patient telling her he doesn’t think he deserves his heart transplant and Jac telling him he does deserve it. Aww!!
But Jac telling him he has a “better than evens chance of seeing his 75th birthday” makes me really sad because she never even got to make it to 50 :(
Edit 17: HENRIK AGAIN, MY KING
Edit 18: Henrik sharing his lunch with Sheilagh!! Cute.
Edit 19: Glasses Jac!!
Edit 20: Early Jac and Nicky scenes now get me in that “they don’t know how much they’ll mean to one another” meme mood.
Edit 21: Ric: “It’s the longest of longshots.” Me: LISTEN, THAT DISTANCE, BETWEEN US, COULDA TOOK A WHILE--
(I miss the proper Holby trailers with the great music.)
Edit 22: I love Henrik!!!
Edit 23: Henrik mentions reading Pippi Longstocking (or Pippi Långstrump, as she’s known in Swedish) books as a kid.
Edit 24: The elderly patient giving up his chance at a heart transplant so the other patient with a family to look after can get it, aww.
Edit 25: Jac asking if her patient is suicidal :’))
Edit 26: I love Zav.
And this episode is reminding me why I once loved this show.
Edit 27: The storyline with the elderly patient is making me cry.
Edit 28: Zav smiling!!
Edit 29: Serena’s old patient having named his daughter after her always gets me, it’s so cute.
Edit 30: Dom saying he’d like to still be with Lofty in 50 years :((
Edit 31: This episode is a much better and more meaningful tribute to the NHS than the finale ever was.
Edit 32: “But I did get to flirt with a couple fit firemen!” Donna is the best.
Edit 33: Sheilagh giving Lofty his grandfather’s ring to propose to Dom with is so sweet. I miss healthy Dofty.
Edit 34: Serena to Ric: “You’ve been here since, what, the 1920s?”
Edit 35: Not Jac being compared to objects again.
Edit 36: Abi and Fletch in their breakup era.
Edit 37: Serena and Ric getting locked in at Albie’s, lmaooo
Edit 38: And to top off the “Joe Ainsworth ripped off his own script for the finale”, we end the episode with a Jac voiceover.
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darcymariaphoster · 2 years
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hey! happy (early) birthday! i love getting to know the little things about people. so...
what’s your favorite color? favorite food? favorite band/artist/music genre? do you collect anything? what’s your favorite fanfic you’ve written and/or read? (hetalia or anything else) how long have you been writing?
no pressure to answer all or any😊 just throwing some stuff out there
Thanks! 😊 And thanks for taking the time to ask! I love the enthusiasm here. Lol. (I'm very sorry that this answer is so long. You hit a couple of good questions that I went off on. 🤪🤣)
My fave color is blue -- like, pretty much every shade except navy and that area. I don't really have a fave food? I can't cook worth shit so I kinda just have go-to things that I like. Lmao. I'm worthless there.
Ok ok. Imma go off on my music. I have no specific fave genre because I'm generally hella picky and eclectic so attempting to narrow it down is a waste of time. If I were to play everything I have on my mp3 (yes, I am old school) without putting it into playlists... it's kind of a mess. My mom always laughs because she never knows what's coming when we're on car rides (which is the only time she tolerates my music). I have country, pop, crap pop, 80s, 50s, punk, rock, techno, and stuff I can only describe based off vibe. 😅 I love music so much. I think I'd die if I lost my hearing. So my standards to be my fave artist is that I have to like one full album from start to finish and only 3 artists have ever managed to do that: Linkin Park (A Thousand Suns was the album), Of Monsters and Men, and Dermot Kennedy. ❤
I could probably keep going off on music, but I did wanna answer the writing question, because I'm also passionate about that.
I've been writing fanfiction since I was 13/14 so around 16 years now. I always loved writing before that, and my aunt got me a "make your own book" kit when I was, like, 8 that I loved. I loved writing assignments in school where I could just let my imagination go. (Although, I distinctly remember an assignment in elementary school where we wrote our own books and my teacher criticized the length of the title and I think that's where my fear of creating titles comes from tbh. 🤣) I think finding fanfiction was a plus/minus for me. On the one hand, it really helped me grow and evolve. On the other, I haven't managed to write anything else, really. And nothing with the same passion or enjoyment. As for my favorite personal work? I think I really love "A New Record" from the Sherlock fandom. Idk why exactly. I don't know if I did the topics that I covered in it justice, really. But I think it's just kind of peak emotion and maybe relatability that I'm not sure I've managed to reach in my Hetalia fanfics yet. (My second fave is probably "I asked for Coffee and Got You", from the Hetalia fandom. It's relatable in a different way and it was so much fun to write.)
Anyone else's? It's hard to name a fave because I think my standards are as high as my music, and I'd consider a fave fanfiction one that I'd go back to regardless of what fandom I'm currently in. And nothing comes to mind, unfortunately. (I'm so picky about my tastes. Lmao.)
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jentlemahae · 5 months
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as someone who was around for bp’s debut i will NOT be stooping to blackjack level and i will not be bitter towards these literal children like some people are already doing. however.. can’t say i’m the biggest fan of this song and i have many criticisms. here are my thoughts that no one asked for:
i actually like the verse instrumental and it’s perfect for rapping which is why imo the rap section ate. however idk how well it works with singing over it so i’m not crazy about the verses themselves. didn’t really like the pre chorus either but that chorus.. girl.. 😐 they really used the exact same trumpet sample pack as they did for lisa’s money like ?????? we can’t even blame teddy or tbl for this bcs they’re nowhere to be seen on the song. that yg ending is so random too like what is going on actually? 😭
the 2 members that stood out to me are the oldest and the youngest bcs imo they’re the most charismatic. the oldest is the first rapper and she gives true yg energy and attitude. and what do you know, she’s the only adult so that checks out lmao. the youngest (the 14 y/o 🥴) has EXCELLENT facial expressions. that’s a Performer. you can tell she’s mentored by lisa
idk i don’t hate it necessarily but i definitely don’t like it either. i’m so confused that yg chose this as their debut song. sorry for comparing but comparisons to 2ne1 and bp are inevitable, and if you compare this to fire or boombayah/whistle.. it’s missing something. it’s missing that oomph. most of all i’m just very confused at this song. good luck to the girls but yeah idk about this one 🫤
and ngl it’s funny that blackpink are currently trending in korea. they were like let me refresh my memory of what a real debut sounds like 😭😭
yeahh like i absolutely do not think the girls should get any hate or anything, but yg can and SHOULD be criticized bcs this debut is kind of a mess. the song is …. okay i guess, like i wouldn’t listen to it again willingly but i didn’t hate it. i am so incredibly baffled that this song had the usual vibe and formula (rap in the second section, final verse together, abrupt ending, etc) when that is the one thing everyone has been complaining about and criticizing about yg for YEARS and this was their chance to show they could do something else and yet they stuck to their old ways. i am genuinely baffled at that
and same, i enjoyed the rap the most - in fact the members who really stood out to me were the rappers, which isn’t surprising given that it’s yg. but idk……this song just feels boring and uninspired cause it’s the nth yg group doing the same old thing, with a sound and style that died in 2018. also having this debut now when it’s christmas in less than a month is just beyond me. best of luck to those girls i guess
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emptylittlebug · 10 months
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6/19/23
238.0
In: Adderall, Wellbutrin, McDonald’s large vanilla iced coffee (230), pizza rolls (420), ranch (140) 790
Out: 10,274 steps. Fitbit says -2816
Total: -2026
Today:
I woke up feeling awful. My whole body aches. I hate this adjustment part. If I want to stop going through it the only answer is to stop giving up and just keep going.
I got the coffee to hopefully help the aches. I feel like I got hit by a car… I’m going to need some Tylenol if it doesn’t work. I can’t spend my day feeling like this. Ughhh.
Also have a stuffy nose. Did I mention I hate this adjustment part?… ugh.
Can’t give in. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. I’m too obese to be having these side effects of… “eating less”.
Edit:
It’s 9pm. I stopped feeling terrible about an hour after I made that update.
I had a pretty chill day.
Got 3 hours of overtime for work! Pretty excited about that.
My daughter is insisting I lay with her until she falls asleep (she’s 6) so I’ll finish my 10k steps later.
I can’t believe I’m not even the tiniest bit hungry.
— just venting about life and money for the rest of this so skip if you want —
Since I worked 3 hours over I didn’t get any crocheting done today. I’m not happy about that. But maybe I can get something made before I go to bed tonight. Not many more days until the craft show. Plus my stores aren’t selling much at all because they are so empty. I need to worry about the stores more than I do the shows. Idk why I don’t.
Today I spent a while looking on Zillow for houses. Problem is… idk where I want to live. Since my job is remote I can literally move anywhere I want to. But.. I can’t afford the houses I want in the areas I want to be in lmao. I thought about moving back home (an hour and a half away) but my kids dad just moved down here to be closer to them and he’s been helping out SO much I’d hate to mess that up. I do want to be down here. I do Not want to stay because of him or move closer to him. I do like it around here. I’ve only lived her for about 18 months. I do not feel safe in the part of the city I live in and we definitely have outgrown a 3bedroom apartment. Myself and an almost 14 year old son, 10 year old son, 8 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. Right now I have my room, the 14 and 10 year old share a room, and the 8 and 6 year old share a room. But the 14 year old NEEDS his own room. Puberty and all that. So I’ve been looking for a 4 bedroom for us. Moving to another apartment or rental is not an option unfortunately.
I either need a huge increase in income or I need a lot more saved up than I have currently to afford a 4 bedroom around here in a better part of town/the city.
I think that’s why I worry so much about the shows. It’s a lot of money in 1 day instead of a steady way lower amount of money monthly.
I need the steady. But I also want the lump sum to throw into savings faster.
I need more hours in the day.
My work did tell me today I can get up to 10 hours of overtime per week if I want them until they tell us differently. I could definitely use that extra $270/week! Hopefully I’ll stay disciplined enough to throw all the extra in savings. We will see I guess. I’m bad about wanting to throw it on credit card debt, which isn’t bad, but i really need it in savings right now.
I guess I’m more stressed about that than I realized. Damn.
I did find a house back home I could easily afford and it has everything we’re looking for. But. It’s back home.
I think I need to see a therapist again. For the first time in my life my anger is starting to get out of control. I’ve never been an angry person. But it seems like I go from a 3 to a 10 in a finger snap lately. I’m worried what that’s doing to my kids learning/development. I don’t want them to have any more anger issues than they already do… I really really need to work on it and I need some strategies and help. I had to give up therapy when I moved here. I miss my old therapist. I don’t think she’s still working there though, I looked her up on fb (I already know 😂) and it says she works at the school system now. I thought about texting her and just saying hey but I realized I only have her work cell number and it might not still be her number. I would be absolutely crushed if I texted it and someone wrote back they weren’t her. Idk.
Well I think my daughter is asleep now. Off to do 7.2k steps I go!
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kimmyyang · 3 years
Text
210503 My favorite moments & translations of the SHL concert including the warming up livestream
1. Zhao Jing calling fans adopted sons and daughters during the livestream and revealing that there will be a game where they hug each other, telling fans to look forward to it (he knows what we want to see haha).
2. Gong Jun arrived at the livestream first, but he still waited for Zhang Zhehan and told Zhang Zhehan to introduce himself first.
3. Zhang Zhehan saying he will talk less as he needs to take care of his throat for the actual concert, so Gong Jun talked mostly in the livestream (translation is here).
4. In the beginning of the concert, ZZH introduced himself: "I'm your Ah Xu." (T ^ T)
5. The MCs asked the casts to write down their top 1 iconic scene, some of them picked the scene where Gao Chong died. GJ & ZZH were having a discussion and the MCs were like "why do these two have to discuss their top 1 scene?" (yeah, you just need to write your own fave scene, it's not pair work LMAO) ZZH picked "you're not worthy" scene where they had to fight against Ye Bai Yi, and GJ picked the sun basking scene where they called each other 'Lao Wen', 'Ah Xu' 3 times. ZZH said: thanks to Gao dage's iconic scene, they got to rest haha.
6. Gao Chong, Zhao Jing & Shen Sheng sitting behind GJ & ZZH wrote "Lao Wen ♡ Lao Zhou" on their whiteboards, they were laughing so much while holding it up.
7. When they played the sun basking scene, the MCs asked GJ "you were pretty focused when watching the scene." GJ replied, "it reminded me of the time when we were filming, it felt so warm just like now, I'm being surrounded with love."
8. MCs said that ZZH added the part where calling Lao Wen's name 3 times. ZZH said: "yes I even asked GJ to call Ah Xu 3 times, I like the number 3 and calling the names 3 times shows 3 different emotions". When MCs asked them to reenact the scene, I heard CWN saying he wants to see it. (I hope I didn't mishear it lol and the MCs were smiling so much while watching them)
9. After ZZH finished singing Gu Meng (T ^ T), the fans were all screaming 'lao po'. XDDD
10. At the beginning of the game segment, when the rules came up on the screen. Fans were screaming loudly and ZZH said: "did you guys even read/ understand it to be screaming like that?" And one of the MCs said: "shouldn't that be Ye Bai Yi's job to diss people?" (The MCs definitely did a lot of prep before the concert haha XD and that is the hugging game Zhao Jing talked about in the livestream)
11. GJ & ZZH were laughing hehehehe when they found out they got the same number.
12. The MCs had to say a number, they have to find enough people to make that number. At one point Ye Bai Yi was with 3 actresses, and ZZH said: "Ye Bai Yi you're a guy and you're hugging 3 girls??? I didn't expect you to be like this." (AHAHAHAHA)
13. I missed out on what happened with CWN & GX, but it seems that they wanted to get eliminated together. (T ^ T)
14. So at the end, ZZH and Cheng Ling won the game and GJ was like: "the person who won the game will sing until tomorrow's concert." (LOL)
15. GJ said: "I feel like you guys planned it out to make me lose the game." (ZZH called 'Lao Wen' 3 times here ahhhh GJ kinda just gave up lol) "Am I right, didi?" Cheng Ling replied yes. ZZH asked GJ to dance as a punishment but GJ forced ZZH to dance and ZZH was like why do I have to do it when I won the game?? Then ZZH sang and GJ danced to 爱的恰恰 (so cute I cry) GJ couldn't do the dance properly, he explained: "I need to save my energy, I have to sing later."
16. When they were picking the winners for the prizes, GJ said: "it's so unfair to the bottom floor, they haven't won anything." ZZH then jokingly added: "the people on the bottom floor, they're super fast at getting the tickets and they're pretty rich too." (because the tickets are more expensive) GJ jokingly followed: "then let's pick someone from level 3, haha I actually did pick out level 3 (from the bag)."
17. Another game, the MCs asked them to say something fierce to the other team, GJ was facing his teammates and kept saying (I can't remember what he said) really loudly. And ZZH was like did you not understand (the instructions) why are you shouting at your teammates? (AHAHAHAHAHA come on I don't think he would say anything fierce to his lao po XD)
18. I can't remember what happened but Ye Bai Yi shouted: "卧槽 (fuck)" during the game segment. (really loudly!!! and I haven't heard any Chinese actors/ celebrities say that in public lmao)
19. GJ couldn't find all the nails on ZZH and asked: "where did you guys hide it?" Ye Bai Yi lifts up ZZH's clothes and said: "here". GJ said:" I can't reach there, they won't be able to broadcast it." (asdfghjklfuuuuu)
20. When they reenacted the "you're not worthy" scene and still bickering like 3-year-olds XDDD
21. When Cao Wei Ning & Ah Xiang were singing Yuan Mie, Ah Xiang got so emotional she cried and messed up, so Cao Wei Ning sang her lines and held her hand really tightly. (I CRIEDDDD)
22. Afterwards, ZZH & GJ walked out with Cheng Ling (then everyone came out too). GJ forgot to bring the red bracelets and ZZH was like "where are the red bracelets? Lao Wen did you give it to someone else?" (AHAHAHAHA)
23. When they had to put the red bracelets on each other's wrists, CWN's hands were shaking so much, you can literally feel how nervous he is through the screen. (sobs) CWN called Ah Xiang "Cao furen (my wife)" and GX called Cao dage "my husband". (T ^ T)
24. When Xi Sang Gui came into the centre, she said: "Ah Xing (WKX) when will it be your wedding?" GJ just smiled and side-eyed ZZH. XDD
25. GJ said that SHL means a lot to him, it's a special, irreplaceable drama to him. I think he also thanked ZZH. ZZH said: "thank you shanrens who're here and watching in front of the screen for giving us the chance to dream and made our dream come true. (no, thank YOU for bringing Ah Xu into our lives T ^ T)
26. Picking winners again and CWN was trying so hard to find the bottom/ centre area card. (so cute)
27. ZZH & GJ singing Tian Wen, ZZH got confused at the start and GJ helped him to get back into the right key, they both laughed and it was just so cuteeeee. And GJ said: "everyone together" which made ZZH laugh cuz you don't usually say that during a slow song lmao.
28. Liu Qianqiao presented 嗑 upside down which is phonetically “嗑到了/ kdl” and it means my ship (cp) is sailing.
Day 2
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makeste · 3 years
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BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou
Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.
“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol
(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)
anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY
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was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran
who are these people talking
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OH NO, OH GOD
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I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it
bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series
listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please
sdlkfjlskalk
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FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO
but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves
also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me
how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face
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anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well
but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk
these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them
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so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with
he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone
and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous
fdskljk. fucking...
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ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 
Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg
did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey
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listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those
YESSSSSS FINALLY
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so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my
WHO IS HE
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depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy
ohhhhhh shit
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huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...
okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered
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that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??
YES OMG
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YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??
(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)
now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg
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Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man
are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time
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SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered
BRO
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HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT
LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE
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WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS
okay but seriously, now he has to be dead
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r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless
then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?
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I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy
nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao
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IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump
OHHHHHH SNAP
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DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you
FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG
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somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts
Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go
we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh
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well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair
anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:
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now this is more like it
first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH
is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo
these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??
Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto
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this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities
and then there’s this guy
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I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE
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ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG
and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that
lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg
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iamanartichoke · 3 years
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[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]
I need to talk about the Avengers. 
I just want to express how much I hate that the Avengers aren’t on the hook for all their time travel nonsense bc they were “supposed to” do it and Loki is on the hook bc he wasn’t. 
I mean, I am glad that they addressed it right away - that Loki was inadvertantly caught up in the Avengers' time meddling, and that apparently they were doing what they were supposed to and that's why none of them were on trial, but - there are two things going on here that I have issue with. One is, of course, the scapegoating of Loki once a-fucking-gain, but the other is that there's a legitimate problem inherent in framing the Avengers' deeds as The Right Thing So There Are No Consequences, especially because it directly leads to Loki (and only Loki) being scapegoated since, apparently, someone's got to answer for all of this. 
Why Were The Avengers Supposed to Undo the Snap?? 
Of all the possible options they could have gone with (such as reversing time back to just before the Snap happened), going back through time to gather the stones and use them to undo things five years later is, like, one of the worst?? Best case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously incompetent in managing the sacred timeline and worst case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously adept in managing the sacred timeline, if their goal is to have it be the worst possible timeline anyone could end up in. 
The Avengers may have done an arguably good thing in undoing the Snap - I don't disagree that those people should've lived - but they also royally fucked over a lot of things in the process and left Earth (and presumably many many other worlds) in total post-Snap chaos while fucking off to die be with their families and/or start new lives. 
This goes back to the plan itself. One of my many issues with Endgame is that not only is the plan convoluted and, frankly, stupid, but also I have a real problem with the concept of the Avengers just saving the world as they see fit, regardless of whether or not that's actually the best thing to do. (If the Russos hadn't done such a shit job with explaining what the Accords were actually supposed to do, then maybe this could have been addressed somehow - like, okay, together we may have the brains and resources to carry off this plan but does that mean we're the ultimate authority on whether or not we should? Maybe we should check with, like, the UN or something about this? [and it’s entirely possible the UN was mentioned and I have forgotten it bc I’ll be honest, I watched Endgame once and have bitched about it ever since.] I digress.) 
The narrative in Endgame and into the MCU beyond plays like the Avengers only care about saving the world when they stand to personally gain from it (they want their friends and family back, they want to feel like they didn't fail, they have unilaterally decided that what they want is the Best Thing for everyone) and once the Good Deed is done and the smoke clears from the battlefield, there's no concern with saving the mess of the world they created. 
TFatWS addressed so many of the problems with the post-reverse-Snap, which implies that the MCU (both in-universe and out) is aware that things are fucked up now. People's lives were literally ruined by what the Avengers did. Refugees are displaced. Humans are coming back to a world where they've been dead for five years and their loved ones have moved on and their homes have been sold and their bank accounts have been closed and they have no jobs. And that’s just on Earth. Yet no one (again, both in-universe and out) feels the need to hold the Avengers accountable for any of this. 
Plus, what about the people who died as a result of the Snap but not from the Snap directly? What about the planes that fell from the sky when the pilots turned to dust? The cars that crashed and collided when the drivers poofed? Etc. Like, fuck all of those people I guess? 
And who, exactly, is "supposed to" clean up the Avengers' mess now that the actual Avengers are either dead, old and living on the moon, or retired? Is it on Sam's shoulders alone (or, rather, Sam and Bucky's)? Is Peter Parker (yknow, the 15 year old Nick Fury went and recruited bc there was no one else) supposed to be fixing things? 
The TVA takes responsibility for none of this. They sit back in their nightmare DMV-esque office and claim that all is as it should be but my question remains: please explain to me how the outcome of the post-Snap universe is ultimately satisfactory to anyone besides the Avengers? 
There's also the fact that Loki figures out right away that the Avengers were engaging in some time travel shenanigans ("the cologne of two Tony Starks is hard to miss” lmfao Loki you snarky shit). Loki recognizes that there's been an opportunity created of which he can take advantage, but he isn't responsible for creating it. The Avengers messed up and created that opportunity so, even if they were supposed to be doing what they were doing, there are still no consequences for the fact that they made a mistake that allowed Loki to then branch off and create a new timeline. 
Let's also say that we accept that the Avengers were supposed to undo the Snap exactly as they did. Okay, sure. BUT: 
- Was Steve, then, also supposed to decide to fuck back off to the 1940s and marry Peggy (which created two Steves, right? The one who was married to Peggy all along and the one who was in the ice?? The TVA is just okay with two Steves?)? 
- What is the actual point of Stephen Strange having the time stone and using the time stone both to gain the advantage over Darmammushumuuyourmom (I’m sorry, I can’t remember his real name) and to look at all the possible timelines to figure out how to defeat Thanos? 
- How is it possible that there are 14 million potential timelines in which the Avengers failed if the TVA’s entire thing is that there can only be one true ring timeline to rule them all? The fact that Stephen can look ahead and determine so many outcomes based on the choices they're making would mean that people do have free will and that their actions aren't automatically dictated by what's “supposed to” happen. They had to make the right choices in order to get to the one timeline in which Thanos failed. 
- What’s the point of Stephen having to protect the time stone, anyway, if there are presumably a few others in Casey’s drawer?
- On that note, if there are a lot of infinity stones hanging around in the TVA’s desk drawers, what makes the original six the specific, correct ones that Thanos had to collect in order to pull off the Snap and why is it then those specific six the ones that the Avengers had permission to go back through time to get in order to undo the Snap as the Timekeepers intended?
- And actually, in fact, if there’s only one sacred timeline and anyone who fucks it up without permission gets “reset” (aka made nonexistent, along with their timeline branch) then, again, why does Stephen have to protect the time stone? Either anyone who steals it was supposed to, or their timeline gets eliminated and the theft ceases to matter. 
- Less significant but also still kinda significant is how Agents of SHIELD figures into all of this. The TVA knows that Loki killed Coulson but they don't know (or don't care?) that Coulson was brought back to life and proceeded, with his team, to go on and get heavily involved in time travel and going back and forth and bringing people from the past into the present? So the TVA is okay with Daniel Sousa leaving his timeline but not with Loki leaving his? 
... I have literally confused myself with all of this, so if anyone followed my train of thought here, congratulations and maybe you can explain it to me lmao. 
But here's my ultimate point: the sacred timeline that the TVA is tasked with maintaining is not sensical or linear. It's full of gaps and holes and people taking matters into their own hands to determine both their own fates and the fates of others. As a result, a lot of people suffer kinda needlessly based on the events in said timeline, and apparently it's perfectly fine for all of this nonsense to occur so that everyone else has some element of control - 
- but Loki is literally the only one who is told uh, actually, no, you are supposed to live a shitty life and die a pointless death and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it bc it's supposed to happen. 
What in the actual fuck kind of logic is that??? 
Thus, either the TVA (and the Timekeepers) are grossly incompetent, or else they're extremely competent and also really fucking shitty beings who just enjoy the needless suffering of others. 
And somehow this is all Loki's fault!!
And then Mobius has the fucking audacity to say, to Loki's face, “you only exist to prop up everyone else and you, Loki Odinsonson Laufeyson mischief god and king of space lol, do not have any inherent worth or value as your own person. You were born to be a scapegoat and you will die a scapegoat and there's no getting around that, if we have anything to say about it.”
To quote Loki, in a very twisted way - yes, it's funny. It's absurd. 
Does, uh, does this make sense? At some point I crossed over from meta-writing into straight up ranting and so, well, here we are. 
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