#2020 Larry moments

[twopoppies]

I listened to that to that "finally got a good night's sleep" interview with fancy sound isolating headphones and heard Harry laugh in the background multiple times. But the fond? Looking him up and down? Please

I KNOWWWWW it’s a lot. They really are so embarrassing. 😅

In reference to this

#Larry moments #2020 Larry moments

[rumor-weed]

i’m sorry VOTER FRAUD?

IN MY VEGGIETALES?

it’s more likely than you’d think...

#veggietales #ryan watches vt #he literally shows up out of nowhere hears 'happy place' and says 'I WILL BECOME GRAND MARSHALL OF HAPPINESS PARADE' and immediately #like no hesitation nobody saying anything is like 'I WILL STUFF THE BALLOT BOX and BE ELECTED' #now's probably the time to admit that I don't recognize any Larry-Boy or League stuff after Bad Apple as canon #and even then I didn't really like Bad Apple #I tried watching League but was way too old for it by then and had hit my limit #like I love rewatching classic VT because it's not just nostalgia it felt legitimately fun for adults #read phil's book it's great #but also like... past a certain point VT became 'oh yeah its cute and kinda funny still' #and this new show so far really doesn't have clever laugh out loud enjoyable for adults too moments #not like they used to have #they feel so... sanitized #and there's something weird about complaining like that #but it's not really complaining as it is just... noting how drastically different 90s kid media and 2010s kid media and 2020 kids media is #from 'family fun' meaning adults could get a chuckle and like it too #to 'family fun' means its 'Wholesome'(tm) Christian Media (tm) and if there's even a reference to an old TV show kids haven't watched #its a big Ordeal like #idk there's a whole lot to say there #and I probably should watch more eps before I say anything more #at the end of all these liveblogs I may give a wider explanation of my thoughts on the new series from a view of like... #a long time fan since childhood who HAS returned several times to the show and fandom into his adulthood

[deramin2]

I don't know how to really express this except to come across as a "kids these days" scold, but so much of the criticism of queerness in Good Omens would simply not be a thing if kids these days watched more 20th century queer media. Or more complex indie queer media in general.

People seem to want a show that's like the straight stories they grew up with but gay. Or the gay fanfiction they grew up with. But that's not really the tradition it's coming from. First off the novel was released in 1990. Queer film classics of the time are Dead Poet's Society (1989) and Torch Song Trilogy (1988). The TV miniseries Tales of the City (1993) wasn't made until 3 years later and it was so far out there it never had a huge audience. Philadelphia (1993) is also 3 years out and was basically the first big studio queer film. The first fluffy queer Hallmark-style romcom wasn't until Big Eden in 2000, a full 10 years after publication.

Queer stories from the time it was written were about complex and often fraught relationships between people who the world was trying to force apart. There is an incredibly strong tradition in queer films of relationships with no guarantees they will work out both in the face of their personal baggage and the weight of the world. Take a film like Torch Song Trilogy that's about the two great loves of Arnold Beckoff's life over 9 years and how homophobia shapes them. Both externally (especially Allen) and internally like Ed struggling with his bisexuality and being terrified of being publicly out. Written and starred in by Harvey Fierstein, who identified as a gay man at the time and only came out as nonbinary last year.

The Boys In The Band (1968 play, filmed 1970 and 2020) was a monumental moment in Broadway history where finally there was a play about gay men in their own words where no one died and very strongly showed that homosexuality doesn't make people miserable but homophobia sure does. But that homophobia also throws their personal lives into constant turmoil and none of them are in happy relationships, although Hank and Larry are devoted to each other in their own fucked up way.

"Relationships are complicated and hard to make work and sometimes a struggle against the odds" is an aesthetic of classic queer film making. Partly it was influenced by the Hays Code (although independent films were not bound to it), partly influenced by the rampant queerphobia in society at the time that was inescapable. But it's also an aesthetic choice to resist the banal and unrealistic relationship depictions of straight media. There are actual stakes to the relationship. Queer people were actively resisting a world that said "Romance is seeing someone across the room and instantly falling in love with each other and little conflicts happen along the way but ultimately they're destined to be together and everything is happily ever after." Recall that "stalking as romance" was a completely inescapable trope in 1980s straight romance films, and every goddamn movie was being turned into a romance film.

So queer people in film and television when they can make what they please have a long tradition of saying instead "People don't always realize the feelings they've developed for a queer partner right away. They may have reasons for denying those feelings that are both a reflection of the cruelty in society and of their own insecurities. People struggle with where they belong and their relationships reflect that. Loving someone doesn't mean they don't also drive you crazy and you might fight with them constantly. But that doesn't negate the love or that feeling that even if things aren't okay, they're better with that person around. But maybe that person can't stay around. The world may be against you. And also maybe you don't just want that one person in your life. Soulmates is a very flawed model. Sometimes the strongest love is a struggle with yourself and the world and your person. You have to overcome yourself first. Happily ever after is a lie. You may be happy for a while, and hopefully for a long while, but everything ends. And you have to be ready to love again. Also your platonic bonds are just as important and life-altering as your romantic ones. Sometimes those platonic bonds include fucking if you want them to. Real life isn't a bunch of platitudes and world-altering moments, it's daily work to better yourself and the world around you. Especially when things just fucking suck. But also remember to have fun and fuck the haters. People who don't support you can eat rocks and you should yell at them more to shut the fuck up."

That is a fundamentally different outlook on what a "good relationship depiction" looks like. Personally, I thought I hated romance movies and then I started watching queer romance movies and discovered I love them and watch them all the time. Because it turns out what I hated was relationships being shown that had nothing at all to do with reality and privileged incredibly toxic ideals. Finally there was complexity, there were stakes, and there were people who had to truly want to be together enough to fight the world for it and not because they happened to be there. There were people actually talking out their problems and looking for resolutions. (And sometimes that resolutions was "I can't fucking deal with this bullshit anymore and I'm out.") For the first time it felt real.

I'm an aroace trans gay man. Nothing about relationships or being in relationships has come easy to me, and the whole paradigm of straight patriarchal romance depictions makes absolutely no sense to me. It's completely alien. Queer romance stories actually feel human.

And that's the tradition Good Omens is coming from, even as it's being retold in 2019-2023 and hopefully beyond. Gaiman's work has always been based in that queer media paradigm. (I've been remiss and daunted and haven't read Pratchett but from what I do know his work also seems to sit more in that world view.) It's a beautiful cinematic tradition and it's baffling to me that people would resist it instead of embracing it for being honest.

And that's when I turn into a crotchety old man complaining about the youth not connecting with the history of their beautiful culture and instead begging for assimilation into a shithole allocishet media landscape that doesn't actually want them except for their money and has nothing at all interesting or valuable to say. But it's very funny (annoying) to me when people claim Good Omens is someone against queer culture when it's so thoroughly bathed in the best of queer media's storytelling traditions and what people are asking for is straight media with the serial numbers filed off. Like, stop being boring please and know literally anything about the culture the adults in the room lived through and were influenced by. The world didn't begin in 2015.

EDIT: I also want to add that in straight media arcs are linear. Traditionally in queer media arcs are cyclical. Queer media very often depicts people going around in circles relearning the same lesson over and over as they inch towards it sinking in. But every time they go through the cycle they gain just a little bit more enlightenment and slowly move towards a better place. From the comments this is an immensely important distinction. People don't actually have cathartic moments where suddenly all their past bad programming is shed and they saunter forward a new person with none of their old baggage. In reality people fall into the same patterns over and over even though they have had every opportunity to learn better. "People magically get better" is a trope of straight media that's an outright and frankly dangerous lie. Again, Good Omens follows the queer tradition not the straight one and it's depicted 6,000 years of that cycle. The world didn't end, and the wheel keeps turning, as it always has and always will. That's so fundamental to queer storytelling traditions I forgot to even mention it.

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #go s2 spoilers #good omens discourse #queer media #queer history #discourse #I have been a crotchety old man against the youths since middle school to be clear #if you don't know where you've been you have no hope of knowing where you should go next #I didn't sit all the way through deeply homophobic Brokeback Mountain or Tár just to hear people complain that honest rep is bad rep #This is also why I'm a critchety old man about most Critical Role Shadowgast haters #Liam and Matt have not only watched but copiously reference older queer media and Shadowgast is so clearly that tradition

[holyshit]

praise to the umbro sweater, one of the most iconic double take moments of recent years! origin of certain people trying to convince themselves that harry tracked down and bought the same vintage 90s umbro sweater (a brand he never wears) that louis wore months earlier and lurked until he found a fan to take a picture with as a desperate attempt to keep larries in his fanbase! origin of certain people trying to say they were two different colours when the sweater in question was not produced in the colour they were saying! harry picked up a sweater from their shared bedroom floor and wore it out in the year 2020 and made it everyone’s problem

#it's 20 minutes til the anniversary in the uk so it's good enough time as any lol #*

[tellmethisisnottumblisnextfuckup]

Hello I’m a Larry but I feel like they broke up a couple of years ago. I’ll also say I’m more of a Harrie and his music makes me believe he’s been in other relationships. But I’m also willing to be convinced otherwise!! The hopeless romantic in me wants to believe in the strength of their love so I guess my question is what evidence have you gathered that makes you believe they’re still together even now? I know this might be a lot to ask. Thanks in advance !!!

I’m this close to grabbing a digital pen and correct Larry to Larrie. (Did you know it’s one of the signs of having trolls in the dungeon)

Anyway. I do want to answer.

Life. Dear anon. It’s life that taught me everything. Do tell me when you time their break up - because I’ve been here since more than “a couple of years ago” - i know it’s super easy to throw this sentence - but you’re telling this to someone who has been here lol - and I wasn’t in my diapers on the playground when these 2 fell in love. So when do you time their break up? Because you know they’ve lived half their lives in the spotlight, in this industry and time and time again -let’s just say day-by-day week-by-week only proved the immense respect, and love they feel for each other. We’ve had these naysayers like you in the years, so this is nothing new but you know what? None of you are ever able to point out a period which proves that these 2 have broken up.

This is not a movie or high school. They have fought tooth and nail for their love, for their freedom, they “hid” it when they had to, but even then- jeez it gives me chills to remember all those moments- even then an eye movement, a caring look, a hidden touch, the other’s reaction- it just gave it away. And not to mention how fucking obvious they were when they didn’t hide it and just let it all out.

Life. Because I happen to be in a loving and supportive relationship since 2007. Because love isn’t a break up - getting together- break up- getting together spiral. Love is about trust, and respect, and growing together, being better together, finding your best friend in the other, it’s about fighting for what you two have together. That’s what they did when they were babies - fighting w modest, sony, whatever you want to add here. They don’t need to fight though because as soon as the cameras stop rolling they’re an out-couple to the surprise of no-one in this industry.

Life because we have 5 people in the same band and always these 2 seem to be so goddamn unlucky to share clothes ON A CONSTANT (to be PC), who finish each other’s sentences, who when even making eye contact making the other 3 look aside to their handlers with a pale face, always these 2 who in the band disappeared at the same time, who even AFTER 1D were still disappearing from the globe at the same time and reappearing at the same time, who had to have 235 stunts running at the same time to make them straight otherwise if you strip these stunts down all you have is two singers w constant denial of their sexuality. (Remember what Sir Elton John said..), it’s only these 2 whose teams work still to this day to make you and others believe H and L aren’t even in the same continent because god save them from cutting all their record incomes.

Life. Because WHY. You cannot explain why this happened in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 (you’re damn right I’ll type all the years out), 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 and keeps happening in 2022 spring- summer.

Life. Because you learn what is THE LOOK. What it means that “when you know you know”. Because you learn that 16 year olds don’t just utter things out like always and moving in together and home. Because it IS possible to be and still be with your first love.

Life. Because relationships do not have an expiration date, because it can happen, because it does happen. Because those looks and touches were the very thing that drew me here in the first place and you cannot fake this shit.

Life. Because you can be w your SO together for years and they’d still say they’re not willing to have ONE innocent couple tattoo.

Life. Because celebrities lie. Money talks. Paps are paid. This industry is homophobic. Media shows what is paid for. What you see - they want you to see that.

Life. Because you learn to look at what you’re not shown, what you’re not told.

Life. Because in the 242 million pregnancies people have a year, they DO show at 8 months. 🙃

And finally: Because they’ve come so far from Princess Park and that lyric fits no one and he’s a habit that he CAN’T BREAK and he’s happy to shout this out every night to his fans anon.

Life. Because the strength of these words, all their goddamn lyrics goes deep in your heart and you know it’s not just some cheap 1000 words Y/N on goddamn wattpad.

Have a nice Saturday anon! 💚💙

#they never broke up

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

some posts

the titles are not to be taken seriously, i just wrote down the same titles i had saved them as in my bookmarks.

i thought about whether i should include my jikook/jk posts not because i want to negate i ever felt that way, but because while re-reading some of those posts i had an almost out of body experience and felt like i was reading things someone else said, considering how different my opinion of jungkook and jikook is right now. but well, i decided to keep them because in the end all that stuff did happen and i did feel that way at some point, even if now it's changed.

chemistry =/= relationship

skinship 1

hey what made you believe in jikook

moments

skinship 2

taekookers 1

vmin 1

possibilities sexuality and not knowing

living arrangements

family agenda wearing off

changes post 2020

tae doesn't mind being shipped with jk

jikook

jungkook is not dainty

fanservice realselves perception

taekook

herd mentality is real

all relationships in bts pretty much look the same to me

not living together

jk doesnt care what you think

physically affectionate jinkook jk not honest

get out of your imagination taekook instagram

jungkook doing fanservice (just realized that wasn't the question lmao)

why publicly solve a conflict that nobody really knew existed in the first place

not special moments

fav bts song fav jimin hairstyle fav jimin era

jikook "timeline"

they would totally lie about a relationship

larry

vminkook power struggle

soulmates and love in general

i don't have all the information i need to say for sure that they're in an official full stablished monogamous relationship

jimin hates fanservice

jimin no collab until after military

jimin solo career company nitpicking activities for members

jimin solo career - i know this fandom so well sjkdj

proof is a money grab album and everything is sad also: jungkook you're literally everything that went wrong with the group after 2020 congratulations on destroying bts

catastrophic jikook interactions same as everyone else's

everything jikook is about the overanalyzing and i hate it

some bts members feed the fandom's narratives

jk physically affectionate hoseok jin + not completely honest filling in the blanks

jk saying taehyung is the most handsome he's ever seen

jimin is infinite to me + weverse interview

tattoos

jimin is irresistible (only for the pics)

#there's more in the notes

[ear-worthy]

SmartLess Podcast Welcomes Presidents Biden, Obama & Clinton

SMARTLESS’ UNITES PRESIDENTS BIDEN, OBAMA, AND CLINTON FOR HISTORIC PODCAST INTERVIEW

While one former president is in court defending himself against hush money payments to a porn star and to a Playboy playmate, three other Ex-POTUS's discuss gun violence, foreign relations, Biden’s re-election campaign, what they miss about being in office, the State of the economy, passing the baton Between Presidencies, and more on the Smartless podcast.

SmartLess hosts Will Arnett, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes have brought together three U.S. Presidents, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton, for a historic podcast interview.

The momentous episode is available early on Amazon Music/Wondery+ here. It will be wherever podcasts are available on Monday, April 29.

The podcast interview was recorded in-person recently with the hosts and the Presidents in New York City.

SmartLess with Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett is a podcast that connects and unites people from all walks of life to learn about shared experiences through thoughtful dialogue and organic hilarity.

The award-winning podcast was launched in July 2020 and is consistently among the top five most listened-to podcasts monthly. Guests have included Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Don Cheadle, Larry David, Greta Gerwig, Idris Elba, Kristen Stewart, Pedro Pascal, Selena Gomez, and many more.

INTERVIEWS CLIPS AVAILABLE HERE:

Sean Hayes: Do you all miss something specific about holding office, obviously except for you because you’re in office, but do you guys miss something?

President Biden: I miss not having an office.

President Obama: Well, look, everybody talks about Air Force One.

Sean Hayes: Yeah, sure.

President Obama: Marine One. It’s pretty convenient, I won't lie. But I’ll tell you the thing I miss the most. Remember those music concerts I used to do at, you can basically invite anybody, and you have this concert and I mean we got you know Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney.

Sean Hayes: Everybody will show up.

President Obama: They’ll show up. And they do these rehearsals the night before a lot of times and you can kinda sneak down and could just sit there and watch Mick Jagger practicing with BB King or something on a blues night. I do miss that.

President Clinton: I miss the fact that they don’t play a song when you walk in a room anymore.

Sean Hayes: We should’ve done that today.

President Clinton: I was lost for three weeks when I left office. But let me tell you something serious, this is one reason that I so badly want President Biden to be re-elected. What I really miss is the job. Not doing it, I'm glad, I believe in the two-term limit strongly, but what I learned was on the worst day, when nothing was going right, problems are everywhere, there was still something you could do that would make somebody's life better. There is no job like that on earth.

Sean Hayes: I love that.

Clinton: And I want somebody..

President Obama: Who appreciates it.

President Clinton: …that I trust to make the most of that every day. Cause they’ll be bad days no matter who gets elected. But he’ll get up and he’ll start thinking about that. And I think his opponent will be thinking about…

President Obama: Himself.

President Clinton: …yeah, who I can get even with, who I can send away. Joe Biden will make the best of the bad days.

Jason Bateman: And the team that you have assembled and your comfort with deferment. For me personally, I love leaders that have the confidence to hire those that they respect, that might make them a little nervous.

Will Arnett: And also not to think that you're the…

President Obama: That you’re the smartest guy…

Will Arnett: Yeah, that you’re gonna have every…. We had leaders like that in the middle part of the last century who were put into government by presidents of old, and they made a lot of decisions that they thought they were right about, and they were terrible people. And when that happens, when you think that you’ve got all the answers, is the moment you don’t.

Jason Bateman: Like Ron Klain, bringing us out of COVID. It’s just on and on and on, the way in which you’ve surrounded yourself with the absolute best this country has to offer.

President Biden: I made a commitment, having an administration that looks like America. I have more women in my cabinet, I’ve appointed more Black Circuit Court judges than every other president combined in American history. I’ve kept my commitment about putting a Black woman on the Supreme Court. I’ve had an opportunity to go out and get the best people - and by the way, I sometimes pick up the phone and ask these guys who they think are the best people. And I’m looking for people that most of all, not just are good, but care about what they’re doing.

Jason Bateman: Whereas the other guy is only hiring people that won’t talk back and that’s…

President Biden: Oh mine talk back.

CLIP 2 - Download Here

Sean Hayes: What are the issues coming up that people are focusing on that you believe are the wrong things, or they may be the right things, and what should they be focusing on?

President Biden: I think they should be focusing on a couple of things. Number one, we’re gonna, in the second term, God willing, we’re gonna make sure that we do something about gun violence in this country.

Will Arnett: Yes.

President Biden: The idea that we allow assault weapons to be sold, and magazines with 100 rounds, is just bizarre.

Will Arnett: Well, President Biden, I’m so glad to hear you say that because that was gonna be my other question. Which is, the Democrats never say we want to take your guns away.

President Biden: Absolutely not.

Will Arnett: You never said that, you said we gotta be smart about what’s going on.

Jason Bateman: You don’t need to kill a deer with an AR15.

Sean Hayes: Right.

President Biden: The Second Amendment, when I taught law school, the Second Amendment wasn’t absolute ever. You weren’t able to have a cannon when you were, you know, the liberty is ordered with the blood of patriots. I mean, it’s a bunch of crap.

This episode of Smartless will be available wherever you get your podcasts on Monday, April 29.

#podcast #podcasting #presidents #politics #democracy

[alarrytale]

"Waiters and servers at parties are handed NDAs to sign and H and L rent out entire resturants or venues to ensure their privacy. H and L were out with Lewis Capaldi some years ago and he talked about it in interviews, but only mentioning being with one of them. But then pics came out where it was clear they both were there." If we believe that the voice very similar to H´s (funniest is someone even said his name like two times) from Lotties video from the restaurant right before Christmas really belongs to H - and it makes sense because imo it was for Louis´ birthday celebration with family and closest friends of theirs and H was mia until Dec 25th anyway - you can see that the restaurant is empty at least from where Lottie shoot the video. So when there´s some bigger event with both of them, they surely rent the whole restaurant.

Anyway, they were out with Lewis Capaldi? Do you have those pics? I love Lewis, love how cute friendship he has with Niall and totally adored how H got Brit award but when he saw Lewis, he totally ignored the rest and went to him, they kissed on lips like it´s a normal thing for them lmao and them hugging for ages became such a little viral moment of the night (right after H being too gone for Stanley Tucci haha). So if there´s any evidence like I didn´t know there is, please tell me more! Oh and I´m still waiting for Lewis to kiss Louis since that IG follow and Lewis even knows we are waiting lmao.

Hi, anon!

Yep, they do what they need to do. Things have a way to get out anyways though, so we know about several of these events. Check out my "fan story" tag for reciepts and my "larry evidence" tag for more confirmed stuff.

Lewis has been out together with one or both of them at least twice that we know of. Here is a tiktok of a girl's parents meeting the three of them out on a rooftop bar in London. I could have sworn we got a pic of H and Lewis from that roof top bar, H in a white t-shirt and Lewis in a bomber jacket, but i can't find it...

Here is Louis and Lewis in a bar in LA from august/sept 2020. Could't find a better pic for you, sorry.

Source

#lewis capaldi #larry evidence

[louisisalarrie]

Hey! I’m the anon who asked how touring works. Thank you for such a great explanation! Really appreciate you taking the time.

I’m a Louis fan…wasn’t previously into 1D (am now!) but I found solo Louis first. Can I ask you what makes you so sure Louis is gay? I’m not challenging this in anyway…I guess I just wanted thoughts from someone who has been around all of this a lot longer. I saw the anon saying they read that Simon knew Louis was gay etc right from the start and you responded (beautifully, I might add) but do you really feel certain he is?

Like I say, I’m newer to all of this. I’m a Louis fan first and foremost and I honestly didn’t know about Larry until I got into Louis so this has blown my mind a little. I know there are various receipts about this and fans feel that Louis is loud at his shows but I’m just not sure!

Looking back at his early, early days when he got onto xfactor he seemed to be playing it ‘straight’ - had a girlfriend, ladding a lot with his mates. There are even reports from his school days saying he treated kids that were out at his school badly - I guess that could be part of him being confused and not accepting how he felt until he met Harry?

I’m so sorry if any of this comes across inappropriately. Your responses are always so great that I wanted to ask you…and thank you x

Hello angel!! Love to see you here and being curious on everything. I’ll pop in my two cents as well, but here are some excellent larry timelines and resources to, well, help with the whole reason we believe in larry.

Now, let’s get down to what I think from being here from the beginning.

I watched louis and Harry fall in love. Even from very early on, it is painfully obvious that they acted very differently around the other boys. The fond eyes at each other, the PDA, the full comfort at acting so domestic and touchy with each other that even I don’t look at and touch my bestie like that, and I’m a very touchy and affectionate person. So, heading down the rabbit hole, I’m gonna give you some really strong gifs for reference, and then tackle the louis notes you made. There are a heap of different larry resources on tumblr, so I won’t go through an insane amount, and just keep this concise.

Re your comment about louis playing it straight, him and Harry were immediately acting like a couple. I’ve had some lad friends, and they certainly don’t look at each other like the above, nor fake make out with each other, bc yikes, that would make you look gay, and why would he want his lads to think that? He was immediately thrown into the public eye, very quickly got a heap of fans, and wasn’t exactly keeping his guard up to make sure he didn’t look gay in front of a global audience. I’m sorry, I’ve just never seen him act like this with anyone except Harry. He jokes around with the other guys, sure, but if you go through those masterposts and videos, it’ll become very clear that he just couldn’t keep himself from Harry. Even during the video diaries and X factor, from the very beginning, he was touching Harry all the bloody time. Regardless if they weren’t blatantly kissing on camera (as advised not to), you can see the affection and how natural it looks. It just kinda happened. I just don’t see him acting like a lad during X factor as you said, and not sure where that idea came from, but I promise you that there’s a lot of proof of him being quite flamboyant and expressing himself in the manner of how many gay men do. That’s not me stereotyping, whatsoever, but the things he said and the way he acted with Harry, don’t line up with straight to me.

Now, I feel like if you’ve come into the Larry/1d world with Solo Louis being your first experience, this can all be super overwhelming and intimidating and very very strange hahaha, because he presents himself quite differently now (but the matching tattoos are still there xx) and you haven’t been here for all the stunts and the beginning of bbg and all that. Also, the Solo Louis fandom holds an overwhelming amount of people who are anti larry and therefore anti larries (including the person who took a poster to louis’ concert that said “larries mass extinction” on it… yikes), so you can often be fed a lot of misinformation. Whereas here in this beautiful community on tumblr, and even on Twitter, I never see any larries going out of their way to send horrible messages to antis. They really love coming into our inboxes though (god knows how many “you should unalive yourself”) messages I’ve received from antis since I’ve been a larrie), and actively telling us we’re trash, so they tend to try to make us look as horrible as possible, including, spreading misinformation about Louis.

Now, I don’t know where the receipts are about young louis treating gay kids horribly, so if you could provide them to me, I’d absolutely be happy to look into them and verify (to the best of my ability) if they’re real or not, but spoiler alert, I very much doubt they have any validity to them. We never knew louis when he was at school, so you’d have to just trust this person who’s saying louis is homophobic (which so many anti louis/anti larry fans do), but also, growing up in a place like Doncaster around that time, I imagine it was extremely taboo to be anything other than a straight laddy lad who played footy and had a gf.

If louis had figured out his sexuality prior to meeting Harry, and knew he was gay or maybe bi or at least curious, I highly doubt he would’ve come out in that space at that time of his life. Growing up gay is harddddd. Teenagers are so mean. And trying to fit in is important when you’re a kid just trying to figure everything out.

Now, not saying that louis did this, but in my experience, I watched a few kids who now have come out as gay pick on others in school who were out. Some of the bullying got really bloody bad, and it was all to just shut out their own feelings, and pushing away any ideas that they were anything but straight. It happens a lot, it’s insecurity, it’s feeling extremely uncomfortable with who you are, peer pressure, and maybe a family who would kick your ass if you came out to them. It’s a very hard thing to navigate.

Him having a gf at the time, Hannah, I explained about in a previous ask from an anon. You can find that on my page under #anon #answered and I think I may have tagged #hannah as well??? I probably did, but I wrote a timeline and big explanation as to what I believe happened there, and provided with proof. So jump in and have a squiz if you’re keen!

Also you didn’t come across as rude at all! You’re curious to know, and I’m here to help. xx let me know if I’ve not answered something or you want further clarification on anything, there’s a lot to cover here and I’m a bit sleepy but never hesitate to hit me up! Thanks babe!

#anon #answered

[ishipmutualrespect]

Do you get upset that so many blogs care less about hl or unlarry?

I want to say something before I answer because this is really something that is part of how I am in many aspects of my life so it may not reflect how probably other larries feel about this same thing.

So, it sometimes makes me really sad. Not because people can’t feel the need to unlarry or care less. I’m the first one who says that everyone needs to do what is needed to feel good. If someone needs to not log in for a couple days it’s ok, if someone needs to back off completely that’s also ok.

I’m just really sad to not see around the same people who were here with me from the (my) beginning in 2018. And let me tell you, anon that many of them left.

You know, I’m just a very melancholic person and I just miss certain posts that made my day and certain comments coming from certain people. Just opening tumblr and knowing I would find certain things was a happy moment and something comforting and comfortable for me. Many of these blogs are definitely gone, many are just less active. But you know 2018-2019-2020 even where the years that I look back and think: wow I miss those years. I miss those people, I miss the tags, I miss fimq and her videos, I miss the atmosphere, I miss a lot of things (as you can see I’m very melancholic),…

But, you know, there are always amazing people to find and follow. Maybe people who were here even long before I was and I didn’t know about. So recently I started following some blogs that I didn’t follow before and who post and reblog things that I love to have on my dash and I’m very happy about that.

There is also to say that on tumblr it’s almost always a place where to have a good time, I don’t go on Twitter or check other sm because I feel like there are more people who are making things up or connect dots that don’t have to be connected.

I have the best experience on tumblr also because, as I always say, I curate my dash and try to stay out of drama as much as possible

#I hope this answers

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well here's a fucking Chortle headline for the roundup:

Holy fuck. I cannot believe that. Never for a moment did it cross my mind that this might happen. It's been nearly ten years since he left, and this never once seemed like a possibility.

I remember exactly when he left. I know it was announced in February 2015, because I was sitting in my bedroom in the city where I lived in 2015, where I'd moved to join their bigger and more impressive sports team and ended up just being miserable and lonely for two years because I did not have any of the skills required to fit in there. Anyway, it's fine, not the point of this post. The point is I know it was 2015 and I know it was February because I vividly remember sitting in that bedroom and scrolling on Facebook, and seeing a mock Valentine's Day card that said "May Jon Stewart be the only man to break your heart this week." And that's how I found out he'd announced he was leaving The Daily Show.

I know when he actually left, too. It was August 2015. Because Donald Trump walked down that fucking escalator in June 2015, and announced he'd be running for president. I remember watching The Daily Show that night, and Jon Stewart, incredibly pleased at the comedy gold mine that was about to befall all political comedians, looked into the camera and said to Donald Trump: "Thank you for making my last six weeks the best six weeks." Then he stayed on for six more weeks and made Trump jokes every night, then he left, and the world immediately ended. Looking back with a bit of perspective, Jon Stewart really did happen leave the show right as the Western world was on a precipice of having the norms as we thought we knew them all crumble at once. I'm thinking of that timeline that says 2000-2015=nostalgia, 2016-2019=2016, 2020-present=plague. Those are pretty much my life's eras. And Jon Stewart was there for a hell of a lot of that first one. (Not actually the first era of my life, there is also 90s=childhood, but I'm pretty sure everything was fine then, right?)

It's a bit weird to me now to see Jon Stewart as having an individual career, if that makes any sense at all. If you'd asked me in 2009 who my favourite comedians were, it wouldn't have occurred to me to say Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, even though I watched them both every night and loved those shows. I hardly even though of those as things that people had to make by being comedians and writers. They were just fixtures. Part of the landscape. I was so confused when he left the show, I didn't think it could exist without him. It didn't really feel like television could exist without Jon Stewart coming on at the end of the night. I remember learning some time ago about Marc Maron's feud with Jon Stewart over their days on the comedy circuit, and that was so weird. Jon Stewart didn't have days on the comedy circuit. He didn't have a career you could object to or admire, or opinions you could agree with or disagree with. He was just a fixture in the landscape.

I remember the first time I saw Jon Stewart. I think it was probably 2006, maybe 2005. I was really into Rick Mercer, this Canadian comedian who did TV shows where he made fun of the news. My mother put on a TV show, pointed to the guy behind the desk, and said, "That's Jon Stewart, he's like an American Rick Mercer." It only occurred to me relatively recently how funny it is to call Jon Stewart "an American Rick Mercer". But anyway, I watched that episode with my mom and then I kept doing that every night for many years.

I remember watching his final Daily Show episode with my mother, in August 2015. Bruce Springsteen came on live and played him out. My mother and I both got fairly emotional.

I kept watching The Daily Show for a long time after Jon Stewart left. I even followed a lot of the similar spinoff shows by its correspondents. I watched Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, and The Opposition with Jordan Klepper, and Larry Wilmore's The Nightly Show, and Hasan Minhaj's Patriot Act, and Michelle Wolf's The Break. Obviously, I followed John Oliver to Last Week Tonight (and would also if necessary follow him to the ends of the Earth, but that's beside the point).

I quite like Trevor Noah too; when he took over the show I read his autobiography and watched his stand-up specials and the documentary about him. I even saw him live in 2019. So I wasn't one of those people saying the show could never recover from Jon Stewart leaving. I watched a lot of the Trevor Noah years, and only dropped off from following it so closely fairly recently. It was around 2022, I think, when I just stopped keeping up with it. I had so much Britcom going on, and the world was so fucking depressing, getting all my news from actual news sites (as everyone should always always do, do not get your news from comedians, use political comedy as a way to lighten the mood of the regular news that you should first get from actual journalists, for the love of God please do not let the industry of actual journalism be steamrolled by entertainment) was stressful enough and I didn't want to keep having this other way of going over it.

So, those are a few disjointed memories that came into my mind when I saw that story this week. Here's another memory: I remember reading an interview with Jon Stewart from just after he left The Daily Show, in which he was asked if he would ever watch Fox News again. He replied that if he were ever in some post-apocalyptic scenario where Fox News was the only way to find out where to find vital life-saving information, he still wouldn't watch it. Because doing that job that required him to watch so much Fox News had destroyed him mentally and he could not wait to never ever ever ever ever do it again.

I was one of those people, after he left, saying, "I get it, it's high-pressure and difficult, I see why he wants to move on and have a break. But I would pay to have Jon Stewart just broadcast once a month in his sweatpants from his living room couch. He can't just be gone. He needs to keep telling us about the news, what will we do without him?"

We did do without him for nine years, and the world we thought we knew has crumbled around us in about twenty-five different ways since then, and I have absolutely no idea how the fuck Jon Stewart could fit into the landscape as it exists today. Like. I don't know what to do with this information. It wasn't on my radar. It's like finding out they're rebooting Buffy with the entire original cast and writing crew. Or if the girl I had a crush on from the ages of 9 to 14 showed up and told me she was in love with me. Of course it's what I wanted, but... what? Really? Why? Why now? Do I even still want this? You mean everything pre-2016 wasn't just a dream and we still technically exist in the same world as that one and the things in it are still out there and could just come back?

...There are people like @lastweeksshirttonight who actually know things about the US late-night comedy show scene, who have always understood that Jon Stewart is a person with a backstory who entered and then left an industry that also had a backstory and those things affected each other and this will have a significant effect on the ecosystem. Those people will have intelligent takes on what's happening right now. But I do not. Jon Stewart was on TV when I was in high school. He can't be on TV now because I am no longer in high school (even though I was 24 when he left in 2015). What the fuck?

[twopoppies]

https://x.com/1dlostchild/status/1732349529452621854?s=46

Hi Gina.. how do you see Harry’s comments in this video.. do you think he is referring to louis or its one of those quirky responses from harry..??

Hi, love. It’s always hard to tell with Harry. But, given that this interview haywire on February 28, 2020 (in New York, IIRC) and Louis’ tour was starting in Barcelona on March 9, 2020, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned a joke into talking about Louis.

I don’t know why tumblr won’t let me post the video.

#Sirius fm #adore you #fine line promo #walls tour #Louis the fish #2020 Larry moments

[scuttlingcrab]

Hi! Once you get this, please tell us 5 things you like about yourself. If you've received that already, don't mind skipping the message. You can post it to five other people you follow for them to respond :)

👀

Hello @certifieddilfenjoyer ! 🫡 Thank you for this, I usually don’t do these types of asks but you’re amazing so why the hell not!

Here we goooooo:

1) My sense of humour. I think I’m pretty funny 🤣 Sometimes. My heroes are people like Conan O’ Brien and Larry David. My humour has taught me not to take life too seriously. I like to make people laugh and feel good, so there’s nothing that brings me joy than seeing a smile or sensible chuckle from anyone lol. I will accept a “LMAO” too. 😅

2) Learning to love myself from the inside out. All my anxieties and depression and accepting every quirk and flaw I HATED when I was younger, and understanding that they make me unique. Also learning to love myself when I look in the mirror every day — I’m only going to be 32 once, and in honour of one of my favourite quotes: “I will never have this version of me again, let me slow down and be with her.” ✨

I also had a health scare in late 2020, (lmao time of my life) so just valuing being alive, and taking one day at time.

3) My writing. Really proud of some of the things I’ve started writing again since getting back into fan fiction. Thanks Raphael! 😈✨I wanted to do nothing but be a writer when I was a child but for some reason I stopped when life got in the way or when I had other hobbies and pursuits. So I’m just gosh darn happy to be here, writing again, and maybe I’ll get a book idea out of this. Maybe not! Or a film idea?! Who the hell knows! Even if it’s nothing I’ll be happy — my fan fic ain’t stopping!

4) Where I’ve come from and my career. I’m originally from America and now I live in the U.K. — I’ve been here for 5 years now and fully settled which means I can apply for dual citizenship this year. (Or when I have an extra £1500 lying around lmao, in this economy?! 😐). I always wanted to travel and live abroad but could never afford it growing up. So it blows my mind I’m here now. 😂 I also work in animation — the industry that took me away from my writing dreams! Lol! When I take a moment to step away from my computer or crippling to-do list, it’s actually pretty damn cool how far I’ve come, haha.

5) My style and range of tastes in film, music, books, obsession with Japanese culture, anime, etc., etc., I’m so weird!!! And I love it! I am obsessed with old films and have been in love with various dead men and women through out my entire life, lol. Ask me about William Powell or Katharine Hepburn, I’ll talk your ears off. I also love all types of music from Japanese Jazz, City Pop, Swing Bands like Glenn Miller, to melodic techno and hip hop like A Tribe Called Quest. Also my favourite band of all time is HAIM. 🤣

Thanks again for sending this to me — now back to obsession about Raphael. 😏✨🪦

#asks #writing #about me #thank you for the ask

[dailycass-cain]

Batgirls #14 Review

After so long, after so much waiting (and hyping), Batgirls #14 was released this week. So let me dig into it at last.

Let me start off (again) for those who didn't on the visual element where the silent issue started, G.I. Joe #21 by Larry Hama (with Steve Leialoha inking and George Roussos coloring).

The issue was the benchmark for telling a story without any words. Really, I think it's something other comic historians can tell in more detail in itself.

Surprisingly Barbara beat Cass to the punch in even attaining one as the character had one in Batgirl: Endgame #1 back in 2015 during the middle of the Burnside Era.

There are a lot of visual cues that the issue shares with Batgirl #14 (there are onomatopoeias and there is "cheating" as well with Babs using a phone along (using emojis to correspond with Frankie and find Tiffany Fox) and one-word balloon (at the very end).

Overall, it's probably (for me) the best Babs as Batgirl issue of the entire 2011-2020 era.

Cass had a few things close to this (Batman & Robin Eternal #13 has some moments of silence allowing the action and Cass's visual cues to tell the story) but never full-on.

The closest we got to this was Batgirl Vol. 1 #22,  where writer Kelley Puckett would just allow artist Damion Scott to do his thing showcasing the action along with emotion within the issue.

But that was the closest we got until well Batgirls #14. That's why I'm hyped for this because it's a story element I think a character like Cass can truly shine in. Not only that, but pair the character with an artist to visually showcase this as well.

To that degree, Batgirls #14 succeeds HIGHLY in. This is the best issue of the series (thus far) culminating in five issues prior to it and highlighting all the elements I mentioned.

Artist Jonathan Case takes that banner and lays out a visual feast on this issue. There are SOOOO many moments that are so extraordinary. Case packs a TON of detail and emotion in each panel with the plot he's given.

Likewise, I think writers Michael Conrad and Becky Cloonan did a real job in laying it all the seeds they've had prior in the series (from Riddler's lingering riddles playing how Cass fully figured out where Cluemaster was hiding with Steph's letter being the final nail).

There's a great urgency Case captures with Cass throughout the issue. She knows (given the last issue of her being in the peril Steph's in) how bad the situation is.

Hence no contacting Babs, Bruce, or anyone. This is Cass ON A MISSION. I do like how this issue ties into Batgirls 2022 Annual how the League is behind Cluemaster's resurrection). For what intended purpose? Who knows? Other than it brought back one "father of the year" in Cluemaster. It almost makes me wonder if the leader of this sect of the League that has broken off (and who have Lazarus Resin) is being led by the other aka David Cain.

I mean it feels weird that the last issue kind of "forgot" he was more the monster here than Shiva, who kind of equally was manipulated by him. Showcasing that truly monstrous side we heard he was until Cass made him discover the heart he had.

I just think it would be an interesting parallel of Cass caught between two parents. Not only that but have this be the final closure of Shiva and the League.

Though I do confess it was fun seeing Shiva help her daughter against these ninjas and have a "mom" moment. With Cass having an "I could've handled that or GEEZ MOM!  Can we tone down the murder PLEASE?!"

Again I just love Case's use of colors to showcase the various moods being played out from violent red to calm cool blue.

I get it Case went all out on this issue. Literally, in just two issues he's made the um-- case why in just two issues how he's become THE artist for the book that many probably would want back (please bring him back for more DC PLEASE!).

I ain't complain about the moments that made no sense because Case just made it look so darn visually appealing.

But I will go into the big thing this issue did sort of break in silence with Steph's letter to Cass.  Because oh boy does it have some ramifications for Cass/Steph.

Though I'll fully admit I didn't mind the letter. You knew Cass was going to open the letter first when the concept was introduced in Batgirls 2022 Annual and you pieced that Steph was getting kidnapped in solicitations to this one. Just what were the words that were in it?

Steph full on admitting she had feelings for Cass and loved her.😮😮😮 Yeah, this does change the next step between the two. The question is--

What will come from this? Well, either it's downplayed, but I doubt it, as I think we don't have Cass's letter or if you have the Lazarus Resin in play means more emotional drama will soon occur.  Or it is, and extended further down the road...

Though I think we already know Cass's response to the letter as we have her creating a scarf from ripping the fabric of Steph's cloaks. Which is a totally in-character Cass thing to do.

But yeah, this is the best issue of the entire series. Even if Steph is the damsel in distress. From her letter, it still gives some much-needed characterization that's been growing with Steph. Along with well both moving more out of Babs' shadow.

Literally, Cass doesn't even go to Babs for any sort of help. It really showcases how different in tone this issue is compared to say Batgirls #1-6 and the preludes to it. These gals can handle things themselves.

Plus I did like the Tutor tease AGAIN which is well suggesting another future story of the original villain from this series.

Yeah, this was an exceptional issue of the series. It really is a strong contender for the best solo Cass story already for 2023. The art is just phenomenal. The story is gripping. Everything just connects.

It might not be fully "new reader" friendly.  I mean unless you read Batgirls #9-13, the 2022 Annual, AND Task Force Z maxi series (to at least understand the Lazarus Resin).

But you can just enjoy it for what the issue was. Reading the other stuff is an added bonus to add more to the reading experience.

I'm just amazed it took fourteen issues and we have the first real standout. Like literally, there's nothing I can nitpick at all. This issue is absolute perfection and everything I hoped this series would be.

My only fear is well-- where do you go from here? I mean that is the series biggest problem that it hasn't gotten a single artist down. It just rotating between three (so far).

Though I do love Neil Googe but Robbi Rodriguez is hit or miss for me. The book needs someone who can stay longer. Even if though it took a while man the Case issues (#13-14) were just another level of art.

I dare even to say they surpassed Jorge Corona's stuff from the prior six issues (and prelude). #14 just leaves me hungering for more Case art for this series. I'd love to see him tackle a Steph issue next.

I mean I love this stuff with what he did for Cass but it be nice to contrasting colors for Steph.

But yeah, Batgirls #14 was exceptional. A perfect celebration of the character (and history) of Cassandra Cain. Where it did it's own thing and represents a major point in this series.

Where does the series go from here? I'm really curious to see. No matter where this series goes, #14 is probably going to be the #1 highlight for many of the series.

So yeah Batgirls #14 in a quick summary:

#dc comics #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #review #my thoughts

[anncanta]

Shadow

Fandom: Dracula (2020)

Characters: Count Dracula, Zoe Van Helsing, Agatha Van Helsing, Bloxham, Frank Renfield

Relationship: Dracula/Zoe Van Helsing, Dracula/Agatha Van Helsing

Rating: Explicit

I just recently wrote that it is difficult for me to imagine the story where Dracula is interested in Zoe Van Helsing. And here it is.

Warnings: abusive relationship, betrayal, gaslighting.

There is a war going on in my country. I don`t write about war directly, but war affects what I do – and my stories too. It had a particular influence on this one.

If you want to help my country, you can do it here: https://savelife.in.ua/en.

@hopipollahorror @ravenathantum @dragatha @ladyhaley28 @alma37

Read on AO3

Or read below

The helicopter pilot was nervous, Zoe knew that. The slight fluctuations of the circle of white light betrayed him.

Zoe raised her head. Larry has been with the centre for over six years. It was her old love affair, meaning nothing. ‘There is no redundant or useless information,’ her self-defence instructor said. Zoe knew that Larry`s hands trembled with excitement in critical situations.

Waving to the pilot and shouting into the radio that he could fly away, Zoe looked around ... and suddenly gave the same signal to the drivers of the cars that flooded the night beach and the mercenaries. In the surgical light of the headlights, she saw a flicker of surprise on their faces, which soon gave way to an expression of professional resignation.

Kate will be unhappy after taking a few steps across the sand, Zoe thought absently. She stopped before a man who had come out of the water.

***

Zoe sat in a chair with her legs propped up on the table. She moved, stretching her stiff neck.

She needs more sleep, she thought. But what will it change?

... When they were alone, Dracula looked at Zoe for a long time, peering stubbornly and intently, as if trying to make sure that what he sees was real.

‘Are you hungry?’ Zoe asked.

‘No,’ he replied. ‘Who are you? What is this circus in the sand?’

‘I`m Zoe Van Helsing, head of the centre –’ Zoe began, but then stopped when she saw that Dracula was reaching out for her. She tensed, ready to recoil. ‘Harker Centre?’ Dracula hooked a badge on her chest with his finger.

‘Research Foundation. It was founded by Mina Murray,’ Zoe said. ‘Do you remember Mina?’

‘Barely.’

‘What about Jonathan?’

Dracula stepped back and turned away for a moment.

‘I remember Agatha,’ he said. ‘What happened to her?’

Zoe took her smartphone out of her pocket and dialled the centre number.

‘I`ll be there in forty minutes. Get me an isolator.’

Dracula silently followed her actions. When Zoe, having finished the conversation, was about to return the gadget to its place, Dracula grabbed her hand.

‘What is it?’ he asked, examining the phone.

‘A device for talking at a distance.’

‘Telephone.’ Dracula rolled his eyes. ‘I lived in the nineteenth century. How to turn it on?’

‘It`s blocked.’

Dracula looked at her very carefully.

‘Blocked,’ he repeated. Smiled. ‘Here`s what,’ he glanced at the badge, ‘Zoe Van Helsing. I will go with you to this centre of yours and even willingly go to the… isolator that will be prepared for you. But on one condition.

Zoe raised an eyebrow.

‘You will tell me what happened to Agatha and have dinner with me.’

***

The clock on the panel at the entrance to the restricted area showed 7.15 p.m. Twelve hours before sunrise.

Zoe went into the isolator room and turned the lever on the control panel. The glass triangle began to move, hatches on the ceiling creaked as they opened.

‘I`m coming in,’ Zoe said, standing in front of the door. ‘If you try to attack me, my people will open the roof and you will burn to the ground.’

Dracula didn`t answer. Zoe thought these precautions looked silly after he had travelled dozens of miles in her own car. But so were the rules.

She opened the glass door and entered.

‘So,’ said Dracula, ‘tell me more about this place. How is it related to Johnny? What happened to Agatha? And what did you bring?’

‘Take off your jacket and roll up your left sleeve.’

‘Why?’

‘You are about to give blood.’

Gambling look. Full of delight and ... recognition.

‘This is the first,’ Dracula smiled dazzlingly. He came closer, stopped at the edge of light and darkness.

Zoe ignored the remark. With a habitual movement, she leaned towards Dracula`s outstretched hand. Then she raised her eyes at him.

‘I can`t penetrate the skin.’

‘No?’ Dracula raised his eyebrows. He nodded at the vacuum vial in her hand. ‘Give it to me.’

Zoe watched with widened eyes as Dracula removed the needle and threw it on the table, then, making an incision on his hand with a thumbnail, brought his wrist over the test tube.

‘You didn`t answer,’ Dracula`s voice snapped her out of her daze. ‘Johnny was a good person. How is this place related to him?’

‘Mina.’ Zoe cleared her throat. ‘I said you – Mina Murray created this centre in memory of him. With ... Sister Agatha Van Helsing`s family.’

‘What happened to Agatha?’

‘You know this better than me.’

Pause.

‘I really liked her.’

‘On my understanding, you killed her.’

‘How do your phones work?’ Dracula handed her a test tube.

Zoe automatically took it.

‘In what sense?’

‘What does ‘blocked’ mean?’

Zoe blinked.

‘The system ... protects the device from unwanted use. In the blocked state, the phone does not respond to button presses and does not display any information. In order to unlock it, you need to know the password.’

‘I thought so.’

For a minute they stood opposite each other, and then Dracula pulled her towards him. 

The roof swung open with a piercing creak.

The light from above illuminated them both. Zoe and Dracula froze in a suddenly dazzling white space.

A second has passed. Another.

Dracula slowly raised his hand, touched her cheek.

‘I will never forget this,’ he said. ‘Never. But now I have to go.’

The isolation room door clicked. Hastily freeing herself and backing away from Dracula, Zoe turned around. Kate stood in the doorway, accompanied by a man with a plump briefcase in his hands.

‘Who are you?’ Zoe asked, still squinting in the bright light. ‘What … Who let you in here?’

‘Listen to him, Zoe,’ Kate said.

The man adjusted his glasses.

‘I am Count Dracula`s lawyer.’

***

Dracula called her a week later.

‘What do you want?’ Zoe asked.

‘We agreed to have dinner.’

‘We agreed that you will cooperate.’

‘I said I would go into your isolation cell. I didn`t promise that I would stay.’

Zoe rubbed the bridge of her nose.

‘Listen, Zoe,’ the voice on the phone said softly. ‘You may not believe it, but I have no intention of harming you. As, however, and no one else. Thanks to your centre with its idea of donors and my lawyer, I now have fresh blood every day.’ He paused. ‘Let`s just have dinner.’

‘Tomorrow at seven o`clock, at Huntsman Inn.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I`m sure I will regret it.’

‘Who knows, Zoe,’ he laughed, ‘who knows?’

***

The doorbell was short and sharp. Zoe didn`t move. The call was repeated. Cursing, she went to open it.

‘I thought you no longer needed to be nocturnal,’ she said, throwing open the door.

‘No,’ Dracula, standing on the threshold, shrugged. ‘But it`s impolite to come in the morning.’

Zoe turned and walked into the room.

‘I haven`t heard from you for over two months. I thought you forgot about me.’

‘Would you like it?’

‘Yes.’

Dracula followed her into the living room. Looking around with a sceptical look, he settled into Zoe`s favourite chair.

‘Do you take pills? Can`t sleep?’ He pointed to the vial on the coffee table.

‘I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis six months ago,’ Zoe said dryly. ‘The pills help to slow down the course of the disease.’ She sat on the couch and glared at Dracula. ‘What do you need?’

He got serious.

‘I need to talk to you, Zoe.’

‘About what?’

He looked at her thoughtfully.

‘About blocked phones.’

…

‘Are you crazy?’ Zoe yelled. ‘I am Agatha? .. How did it just get to your head ... God, but to whom am I saying this?’

Jumping up, she looked with horror at the sitting Dracula. He seemed surprisingly calm.

Zoe inhaled and exhaled several times.

‘Look, Dracula,’ she said. ‘I don`t know – and I don`t want to – what kind of … relationship you had with my great-great-aunt. I might admit she was kind of ... important to you. But that doesn`t mean,’ Zoe took a breath, ‘that doesn`t mean you can come and share your sick fantasies with me!’

‘Zoe –’ said Dracula.

‘No,’ she waved her hands. ‘No, that`s enough, I`ve had enough.’

‘Zoe, listen –’

‘Stop it.’

‘Zoe!’

‘I know who I am. Go away. Right now. You are out of your mind.’

They looked at each other in silence for a while, then Dracula suddenly leaned over to Zoe`s laptop, which was on the coffee table. Ignoring her protesting cries, he opened it and, after typing a few words on the keyboard, turned the screen to her.

There was a Wikipedia article titled ‘Dissociative Fugue’ opened there.

Zoe watched in silence, her eyes picking out individual lines.

‘A sudden but purposeful move to another place …’, ‘a person completely forgets all information about himself or herself, up to the name …’, ‘... assumes a new identity (in whole or in part) …’, ‘the cause is a mental trauma or an unbearable situation …’.

She turned her gaze to Dracula.

She had memory lapses. Rare and rather brief – sometimes she couldn`t remember what she did for several minutes or hours. It happened that she forgot to eat or suddenly found herself tired, although she did not do anything special. Sometimes it seemed to her that life was running forward at an incredible speed, while the days dragged on, similar to each other, like one endless day.

She skimmed the text further. The dissociative fugue ends as abruptly as it begins. Uncontrollable. The story of Agatha Christie, who ran away from home and did not recognize herself in the photo in the newspapers, is widely known.

Zoe`s mind caught on this story. You can change your identity, change your place of residence, change your name. But you cannot change your biological essence.

‘Vampires,’ Zoe said in a hoarse voice. ‘We`re talking about vampires.’

‘We`re talking about you, Zoe,’ Dracula said. He didn`t need an explanation of what she meant. ‘And, to avoid misunderstandings: I gave a dissociative fugue only as an example of what would happen. I don`t think this is your case.’

‘Why?’

‘Because whatever caused your condition, I highly doubt that you yourself did it to you.’

Zoe thought back to when she came to work at the Harker Centre. Secret documents, signature on a non-disclosure agreement. Rumours circulated in the foundation about the sources of its funding. Kate, who always seemed to Zoe to be unnaturally nervous. Like this woman`s got some dirty secret.

This is absurd, thought Zoe. But still ... She looked at Dracula.

‘How can I find out … I don’t believe you,’ she added immediately. He looked at her. ‘But strange things are happening in the centre,’ she admitted reluctantly. ‘If what you say is true, how can I know?’

Dracula looked at her calmly.

‘There is an easy way. And you know what it is.’

Zoe stared at him, uncomprehending.

Until she got it.

‘My God, no.’

‘Zoe,’ Dracula stood up. ‘Zoe, listen. I don`t want to hurt –’

‘No way.’

Startled, Zoe moved back. She wrapped her arms around herself.

‘Zoe –’

‘Dracula, the conversation is over. Please leave.’ She turned away.

A couple of minutes later, the door slammed in the hall.

***

‘If you do this, will I become Agatha?’

Zoe sat on the parapet of the fence with her back to the entrance to the centre. Next to her was an untouched bottle of beer. Zoe opened the bottle, shook it. Then put it back. She raised her head to Dracula in front of her.

‘You are Agatha,’ Dracula said. He removed the bottle from the parapet and sat down. ‘Zoe,’ he added with a quick glance at her, ‘I don`t know who did it and why, I don`t know what their plans are for you, but I highly doubt that they take into account your interests in any way.’ He held up his hand, preventing her from protesting, ‘Perhaps it is not for me to judge them. But I, unlike them, want to understand.’

‘You want Agatha.’

He was silent for a long time.

‘I want Agatha,’ he said slowly, watching the sun go down over the hill in the distance. Reaching for the bottle, he weighed it in his palm, knocked it over and poured the beer on the ground. ‘I want Agatha, although I don’t know if Agatha wants me. But think about this,’ he said after a short pause, ‘if she really is locked up inside you, then shouldn`t you both be released?’

‘Even if it would destroy me?’

Zoe barely slept last night. She read Agatha`s diaries kept in the archives of the centre. Sister Agatha was smart, thorough, and in the records of experiments and her own reasoning, she was very scrupulous. After four hours of reading, Zoe was completely immersed in the details described in the diaries, and by morning she no longer knew, she remembers so much from that old life, because she read about it, or because she lived it herself.

Instead of answering, Dracula held out his hand to her.

For a minute, Zoe stared at it silently.

‘Give me your hand.’

She raised her eyes to him.

‘For what?’

‘Not for what you think.’

‘You have no idea what I think,’ Zoe said irritably, covering his fingers with hers.

‘Quiet,’ Dracula replied. ‘Listen.’

Zoe frowned, froze. Sounds surrounded her on all sides: the rustle of tires on a nearby street, the sough of autumn leaves, the sound of a ball in someone`s backyard. The woman in the house across the street was closing the shutters with a clatter. Zoe fidgeted.

‘I hear nothing special –’

‘Zoe, leave the neighbours alone,’ Dracula interrupted her. ‘Listen to what`s under your skin.’

And then she understood.

It was an eternity before Zoe dared to look at him.

‘How …’ she began, ‘why … how is this possible? How could I not notice that I have no pulse and I am not breathing?’

Dracula let go of her hand.

‘Because you were breathing – like Jonathan, mostly out of habit. Because you did not attach importance to the low activity of the heart rate. Because you thought you had asthenia. Associated with multiple sclerosis and destruction of the nervous system. Should I continue?’

Zoe shook her head silently.

‘I`m dead,’ she said softly.

Dracula looked at her.

‘That was a long time ago.’

***

Zoe returned home in the morning. Her head was buzzing, her body ached.

It`s a haze, it`s all just a haze, sitting down in a chair, she thought. A fake shadow cast over her so she couldn`t see reality. So that she could not see that she is – a shadow.

…

‘So that`s why you wanted to have dinner with me.’

‘No. I wanted to do this for a different reason. Although, of course, it was important for me ... to see. Rather, make sure that what was on the shore, I did not dream.’

‘On the shore?’

‘Don`t you remember?’

Zoe shrugged.

‘I came there with a capture team. We waited. It was damp and cold. I smoked. A lot. I quit a few ... about three months ago. But I had an old pack lying around in my pocket. When you surfaced, I was just finishing my last cigarette. I put it out and walked towards you.’

‘Crumpling the empty pack in your right hand.’

‘How do you know?’

Dracula looked at her.

‘Zoe, you didn`t have any pack in your hands – neither empty nor full. When you stepped into the circle of light, you simply clenched and unclenched your fingers.’

Zoe was silent.

‘It seemed strange to me. And then ... your walk, your voice. Your scent. The way you were like her. The way you calmly kept close to the predator, while the blood of those who stood five meters away literally boiled.’

‘I –’

‘Zoe, I can hear it. This is not a subject of dispute, hypothesis or some kind of game. It`s part of my nature – I hear. The fact that you are not a human, I understood immediately. I couldn`t understand how you manage to think you were the one.’

Zoe swallowed.

Larry. The pilot`s name flashed like an unwelcome spark in her memory. Larry and his hands at the helm that night. His trembling and fear, noticeable to her alone.

She and Larry never had any love affair. That`s why, he always looked at her so strangely in response to her friendly pats on the shoulder, to her too-personal jests and jokes. Zoe felt like she was about to suffocate.

Dinner, she forced herself to remember.

‘I ate,’ Zoe said with difficulty. ‘I ate at dinner. I ordered entrecote and beans. And white wine for dessert.’

‘Pork entrecote?’ Dracula asked.

‘What?’

‘Pork entrecote or beef entrecote?’

‘I … but … whatever. I think it was pork.’

‘Beans sprouted or regular? Fried? With or without sauce?’

He asked absolutely calmly.

‘What year was the wine? French, Italian? Dry or maybe sparkling? What did it taste like?’

Zoe shook her head. The memories were blurry, somehow ... general, like a movie she`d seen years ago, playing through her mind. What kind of meat do the characters in the movies eat? It`s just ... meat. And just beans. Served with just wine.’

The film is something else.

And then she remembered.

‘I sat up all evening without eating a crumb,’ said Zoe. ‘You ordered mineral water.’

‘A couple sitting at an empty table without food or drinks looks strange.’

Zoe lowered her eyes.

‘What am I?’ she asked in a whisper. ‘And what did they do to me?’ She looked at Dracula. ‘What have you done to me?’

…

The phone on the nightstand beeped an incoming message. Zoe reached out to it, looked at the display – Kate. ‘Later,’ she wrote and put the phone back.

Dracula reacted to her outburst calmly. With the same irritatingly strange certainty and a kind of ... tenacity that Zoe hadn`t expected in him.

To tell the truth, she didn`t know much about Dracula. Except for what she read in Agatha`s diaries, – the smallest. Harker`s data collection centre was inferior to a nineteenth-century nun, she mentally chuckled.

‘I must have turned you. Although I didn`t know about it. If I had known, I would have taken you with me.’

‘I hate you.’

He shrugged.

Zoe was silent for a long time.

‘I can go out into the sun,’ she said, looking at Dracula. ‘I have never experienced ... You saw it yourself. The isolator …’

Dracula chuckled.

‘Yes, the burning sun. Zoe, I`m not stupid. I saw that the sun had no effect on other vampires. Teresa – the girl who almost ate Johnny, – as Jonathan himself – had no fear of the sun. I`m afraid this is exclusively my ... as they say now, my bug.’

‘How is it that the centre found me before you did?’

‘That`s a very good question,’ said Dracula. He stood up and held out his hand to her again. ‘Let`s go.’

‘Where?’ Zoe was surprised.

Dracula smiled.

‘To my place.’

‘Never.’

‘I`d say I don`t bite, but you probably won`t believe me.’

‘Dracula –’

‘Come on, Zoe,’ he interrupted her, turning serious. ‘I`ll introduce you to Frank Renfield. You`ve already seen him, in the centre. I think what you need to hear, he will explain better than I can.’

…

‘I have researched everything I can find, at the request of the dark lord, about you and your connection to the Harker Foundation.’ Renfield tilted his head and adjusted his glasses.

Zoe glanced at Dracula. He sat at the table on the opposite side of her, not in a hurry to enter into a conversation. Renfield continued,

‘I started with the basics. Since you introduced yourself’ he flipped through the page of the notebook in his hands ‘as the paternal great-great-niece of Agatha Van Helsing, I made an inquiry to Holland, and the first thing I received was an extract from the Van Helsing family book.’

Zoe looked at him expectantly.

‘According to the church archives of the diocese of Haarlem-Amsterdam, the parents of Miss Agatha Van Helsing, Anna and Wilhelm Van Helsing, married in 1853 a.d., had three children. Two boys died in infancy. One from meningitis, the other from a brief measles epidemic.

He fell silent.

‘What does it mean?’ Zoe asked.

‘It means that Agatha became the only child in the family,’ she heard Dracula`s voice. ‘She didn`t have any brothers.’

Renfield nodded and turned the page.

‘That doesn`t prove anything,’ Zoe said. ‘Angus … Anselm … his name was Anselm, as I remember, could have been her cousin or second cousin.’

‘I`ve investigated all of Miss Agatha Van Helsing`s connections down to the sixth generation,’ Renfield said again. ‘Anna Van Helsing did have a brother, and that one had a son and a daughter, both of whom survived. Upon reaching the age of majority, the daughter married a small merchant who traded in the neighbourhood, and two years later she died in childbirth. The son worked as a cook`s assistant in Amsterdam and soon after his sister`s death got a job as a cook on a ship bound for Australia. There he lived all his life – childless.’

There was a long silence.

‘Agatha Van Helsing had no descendants,’ Dracula finally said.

‘Maybe I –’

‘I also checked archival records for excommunicated, suicidal, and illegitimate ones,’ Renfield said. ‘Not the slightest trace of anyone. The Van Helsing family was completely interrupted at the beginning of the last century.’

Zoe leaned back in her chair and stared at the wall. Vague memories, like an oily film, spread in her mind. The white walls of the centre, the man sitting in the chair, Kate holding out her hand and uttering some ordinary words. The man pushes the documents to Zoe to sign, Zoe lifts the pen, scans the first page. At the top of the page is her name – Zoe Van Helsing.

Raising her head, she looks at Renfield.

‘What else do you know?’

Renfield, who had looked rather alarmed before, seemed to cheer up.

‘When it became clear that you could in no way be related to Agatha Van Helsing,’ he said, ‘I realized that the origins of your ... appearance should be sought in the centre of Harker.’ Renfield pointed to an opened laptop on the table. ‘I managed to find the data. You can take a look yourself.’

Zoe moved closer to the computer.

The ‘data’ turned out to be surveillance footage. Judging by the angle, it was located on the ceiling in the corner and showed only a small part of the room. Starting the recording, Zoe saw the same place that was in her memories. This time it was just her and Kate. Kate was saying something, emotionally and obviously loudly, but there was no sound. Zoe was visible from the back and slightly to the side. The quality of the video was pretty low, but it was definitely her.

Zoe watched Kate on the screen get up and leave, then almost immediately she arrives again and hands Zoe a piece of paper. Scanning the page, Zoe on the screen nods and turns around. For a couple of seconds, her face is visible in the frame – pale and tired. Her lips move. There is still no sound, but the facial expressions are obvious. Zoe lip-reads, ‘I agree.’ Kate nods, leaves. Now it seems she would not return.

The recording ends.

‘What was it?’ Zoe looks at Renfield.

Renfield is silent. Instead, Dracula answers.

‘This is the only footage from the Harker Centre that includes Zoe Van Helsing. There is no more – for six years.’

Zoe stands up, shaking her head.

‘It can`t be –’

‘Please, note the date of the footage, Miss Van Helsing.’ Renfield`s voice seems muffled and distant. Zoe turns to the table, leans back to the screen.

June 29, 2020, 7.15 a.m.

Three months ago.

Straightening up, Zoe looks at Dracula. Three months ago, the remains of the Demeter were found. Actually, two and a half. Another two weeks went in search of Dracula.

Zoe has a strange feeling, as if she was again in the same footage, reduced to the size of a computer screen. Or was it the screen that had grown and engulfed her?

Zoe`s lips move, but Zoe cannot hear herself.

‘What`s happening?’ she whispers.

Zoe came to her senses with the feeling of fresh air blowing over her. The reactions of the body cannot be faked, the body can always be relied upon, it does not lie, Zoe hears through the numbness that gripped her, she fumbles with her hand in space, finds someone`s palm – smooth skin, long nails. Zoe falls somewhere, and the same hand – probably the same one – slowly strokes her back.

Fresh air acts like a shock. Zoe inhales sharply. The breath feels unfamiliar, like someone else`s. She puts her hands on the chest of Dracula, who hugs her, and, raising her head, looks into his face.

For several minutes they look at each other, and nothing can be read in Dracula`s eyes. Then he pulls back a little and holds out his hand. Touching her cheek, lingers, slides lower. Turning back the turtleneck collar easily tears the fabric. Fingers slide over a thin scar, either caressing or asking for forgiveness.

Zoe looks at him.

‘Cry, please,’ Dracula asks.

Zoe just shakes her head.

***

Another message came from Kate. ‘I worry’. Zoe typed in, ‘Headache. I went to bed early,’ and turned off the phone.

Dracula took her home and left, leaving his number and Renfield`s, saying that she could call both at any time. They didn`t say a word the whole way from Dracula`s apartment. Zoe promised that she would contact him. She needed to think.

Shifting in her chair, she got up and went to the window. A butcher`s shop was opening on the opposite side of the street. 7.30 a.m. The butcher came early. They usually start work at 7.45 a.m.

Zoe always seemed so ordinary to herself. There was nothing in her or in her life that could attract attention or set her apart from the crowd. Just a woman of forty-two, no husband, no children, no dog. Scientist-biologist, PhD. She always wondered why the centre for epidemic and rare virus research would be interested in her modest CV, but in the end, she decided to consider it normal luck. She didn`t believe in vampires.

She thought Dracula was some kind of an exotic fairy tale for sponsors. Sponsors have quirks.

She wanted to smoke. Searching, she found cigarettes in the desk drawer, but changed her mind and, putting them back, took the phone.

Turning it on and finding two missed messages from Kate and one message from the laundry, Zoe opened the contacts.

‘Jack,’ she said when she heard a voice on the other end of the line. ‘I`m sorry that I am out of the blue. Jack, are you free today? I need you to take me somewhere.’

***

‘You are crazy.’

‘This is the only place they won`t find me.’

‘How can you be sure? They have Agatha`s diaries.’

Shaking her head, Zoe smiled at Dracula, who was sitting on the couch.

‘There is nothing about this place in Agatha`s diaries. And in no other records. Nobody knows anything about it.’ She went to the huge floor-to-ceiling window and, pulling back the curtain, looked out into the garden. ‘I saw it in a dream.’

That was truth. Three weeks ago, before Dracula appeared, Zoe had a vivid, very realistic dream. Zoe did not attach any importance to it, but in two days the dream recurred, and soon – again, maybe five days later or so. In the dream, she was driving in a car through the countryside, past low houses and farms scattered in green fields. The car drove slowly and always stopped at the driveway in front of the gates of the Victorian mansion. Zoe knew this mansion. And who told her about it. About the keys in a ceramic tub to the right of the wrought iron gate. In the dream, she also knew its address. And when she woke up, she realized that she knew how to get there.

Zoe didn`t tell anyone about this house. She didn`t know why.

‘You had reason to have secrets from the Harker Centre,’ Dracula said thoughtfully. ‘By the way, the young man who`s been hanging around here –’

‘Jack Seward,’ Zoe reminded him. ‘I trust him like myself.’

Dracula looked sceptical but said nothing.

‘What are you going to do next?’ he asked Zoe as she approached.

‘Isn`t it obvious?’ she said.

Three days ago, when she called Jack, she turned off the phone again and wrote an email to Kate asking for forgiveness, explaining that she urgently needed to leave to visit her seriously ill uncle in Costa Rica. ‘I read on the internet about false memories,’ she told Dracula afterwards. ‘They are easy to create with simple hypnosis. But there is a peculiarity: even the best hypnotist cannot come up with a detailed life story. Therefore, most often, an existing one or some ordinary simple plot is taken as the basis – and details are strung on them. And the mind further completes the pattern by itself.’

The person she was supposed to consider herself might well have decided that she had relatives across the ocean. ‘A loser`s dream. Side effect.’

Dracula shook his head. ‘They`ll understand when they look for you and don`t find you.’

By then, Zoe answered, she would have done what she needed.

‘I want my memory back. I want to get myself back.’ Zoe looked at Dracula. ‘I want Agatha Van Helsing back.’

He looked up at her.

‘You and I,’ he said slowly, ‘we are now in the house that belonged to Eliza Herzigova, Countess Palfi.’

Zoe nodded. No one knows about this place – except Dracula, because he saw the memories of Agatha.

‘That was her name before she went to the convent and took the name of Sister Alice. She spent thirty years in this monastery. She died there – being in the status of Mother Superior,’ Dracula finished.

They silently looked at each other.

‘Are you sure you want it to be me?’

Jack is a future psychiatrist. He took a job as a donor to the Harker Foundation to pay for his studies. He must have mastered hypnosis.

Zoe turned away.

The coach creaked.

‘Zoe, look at me.’

His eyes were dark, demanding. Unfamiliar. I`m a stranger to you, they said. Someone who accidentally turned out to be a conductor in the chaos surrounding you. Once this illusion disappears, you habitually hate me.

‘Don`t call me Zoe.’

‘Why?’ He seemed surprised.

‘That`s not my name.’

‘But it suits you.’

Zoe remembered the dinner he had invited her to. That one evening when she knew nothing about the intrigues of the fund, or about her own secrets buried inside, or even much – about him. It was just an evening she spent in the company of a handsome and charming man. Zoe remembered being surprised by this herself.

She had no doubt why he had invited her. She expected him to demand information from her, to tease her, to piss her off, to interrogate her. But he didn`t do any of that. They sat around a table, chatting on abstract topics, none of which even nominally touched on the Harker Foundation, Zoe drinking wine (or so it seemed to her). They danced. And then he just called a taxi, and Zoe left.

Looking at him now, Zoe wondered again what it was. Then, returning home, she concluded that maybe he was having fun, or maybe she was mistaken, and this was the beginning of the siege. He will roll out cannons and catapults later. Zoe then smiled at the medieval image that popped into her mind.

But now she realized, with incredible clarity, that he had been sincere.

He really didn`t want anything from her.

Suddenly, this knowledge hit harder than contempt, pain, and danger could have.

‘Zoe?’

She didn`t answer. She turned away again and walked towards the door.

‘Zoe, what happened?’ came from behind her. ‘Zoe!’

She walked forward without looking back. Almost at a run, she flew up the stairs, pushing a surprised Jack on the top landing.

She locked herself in her room, breathing heavily.

How dare he want nothing from her? How dare he talk to her like that? How dare he help her? Listen to her, worry? How dare he be gentle?

Voices were heard from down the hall. Zoe couldn`t make out the words, but she remembered that Jack wanted to go shopping. The door slammed.

Zoe closed her eyes as she sank into a chair.

***

‘Yes, I want it to be you.’

She knocked for so long that she decided he really wasn`t there. However, in the end, the door opened, and Dracula appeared on the threshold.

Zoe entered the room. She stepped closer and placed her hand on his chest.

‘I want you. Here and now,’ she said. ‘We`ll deal with the rest later.’

Dracula covered her hand with his own.

‘Is it absolutely … can`t wait?’ he asked.

‘Can`t wait at all.’

Zoe was aware of all the strangeness and all the preposterousness, the wild absurdity of what she was about to do. She saw the petty haste and her own stubborn cowardice in the desire to get ahead of Agatha and be a little more herself.

Because when Agatha comes back, he will be busy exclusively with her.

Zoe, however, will not care anymore.

‘A condemned has rights, you know,’ she whispers, nestling close to Dracula.

‘They are indestructible.’

Realizing that he knows, that he understands, Zoe is electrocuted.

Somehow she knows: Agatha always dreamed of being herself, doing whatever you want. To hug a man like that – without thinking; get naked, feel touched, without shame and anger at those who years ago inspired you with this shame. To be frank with him, completely, ultimately, without looking back at what they would say.

What would you say to yourself.

But Agatha is not here now.

He lowered her onto the bed carefully, gently. Pulled her Mickey Mouse T-shirt over her head. Leaned down, touching his cheek to her bare skin. Kissed the hollow between her breasts.

Zoe was undoing the belt on her jeans. Dracula kissed her. Zoe lay naked under him.

If this is indeed Agatha`s body, then this is her first time. Zoe looked at Dracula. He seemed to be thinking the same thing. Silently asking, he ran his hand over her shoulder.

‘I want you here and now,’ Zoe repeated. ‘I want it to hurt.’

Let there be a trace.

Let something be left of her.

He covered her all over. There was nothing else but him, but them. He entered her, making her almost hate him for taking so long, and Zoe screamed. And her cry was the triumph of what had happened, and the unbearable tenderness with which he brought her to the end.

…

‘When you kill me –’

‘Zoe –’

‘When you kill me,’ Zoe went on; turning around in bed, she looked into his eyes. ‘Tell her …’

Zoe reached up and touched his cheek.

‘Tell her that I love her and I admit that you are a bloody bastard.’

Dracula smiled.

‘But it`s time to stop these games of who`s going first to end another,’ Zoe said, pulling herself out of his embrace.

She got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

‘Don`t forget that you have a common enemy.’

When she already reached for the hot faucet, she heard from the bedroom,

‘Thank you, Zoe Van Helsing. I love you too.’

Zoe turned on the water and turned the faucet on as high as it could go.

Drops of water clattered against the tiles.

Only water. And no tears.

***

‘I still don`t understand.’ Jack looked at her worriedly.

‘And you don`t need to. The less you know, the better.’

Zoe looked reproachfully at Dracula.

‘I know this is all strange,’ she said softly. ‘My request, and this trip, and everything that ... happened. But I ask you not to worry about me.’ Zoe swallowed. ‘I`ll be fine. Come back to London.’

Jack turned to Dracula.

‘I'll take care of her.’

After a moment, Jack nodded silently.

‘Go away,’ Zoe said.

This goodbye was unbearable. She and Jack had only known each other for two months, but other than Dracula, he was her only friend.

Zoe smiled briefly at Jack and moved to the window.

When she watched again, the young man was gone.

Zoe stood for a moment, looking around the room, listening to the receding rustle of tires in the yard.

She walked over to Dracula and unbuttoned the collar of her shirt.

She stood motionless as his arms gently wrapped around her.

‘Zoe.’

She turned and raised her head.

‘Just finish it,’ she said.

Dracula smiled out of the corner of his mouth.

Zoe clenched her fists.

‘I won`t ask you. I won`t pretend that –’

‘Zoe,’ he put a finger to her lips, silencing her. ‘I did what you asked last night. This time it will be the way I want.’

He pulled her closer to him and, burying his face in her shoulder, warmed her cold skin with his breath. Kissed the old scar and bit a couple of inches higher.

Zoe squeezed her eyes shut so tightly that golden flashes flickered under her eyelids. Blinded, she opened her eyes, but the flashes did not disappear. They shimmered, shone, overlapping each other and throwing highlights on the figure and face of Dracula, on the invisible ceiling and walls, on her own hands, clutching at his shoulders.

Zoe`s mind was clear more than ever. Pressing close to Dracula, running her fingers through the hair at the back of his head, she saw every line, every hue, every wave of light.

She herself was the light. Anxiety and uncertainty, anger and fatigue are gone, dissolving into this deep lightness, silence, and happiness. She smiled.

‘Goodbye, Zoe Van Helsing,’ she said, leaning back and surrendering to what was waiting for her.

***

Her body was heavy, her eyes stuck together. The hard mattress dug in under the left rib.

‘I understand all about the taming of the flesh,’ Agatha said hoarsely. ‘But when the house belonged to the Mother Superior, she was not yet a nun.’

She fidgeted, shifting the heavy blanket she`d been covered with. She opened one eye, then the other.

Dracula sat at the head of the bed and looked at Agatha, his chin resting on his hand.

Nothing in him had changed, everything was terribly familiar: his posture, black suit, and smile, and the curious look of dark eyes.

Agatha tilted her head, touched her neck. The wound sored – slightly, as on the Demeter. Agatha chuckled absently, remembering how Sokolov avoided looking at her shoulder. As if it were the same as finding her naked.

It was a little strange to remember all this. Sitting up in bed, Agatha took another look at Dracula. She listened to herself, rummaging through the corners of her mind. The feeling was unfamiliar. She was not the old Agatha, not completely. It didn`t feel like she was back – or freed. Vice versa. Her essence seemed to ... expand, opening up and absorbing ...

Strictly speaking, she was not Agatha and was not Zoe. She was herself.

‘I hate you,’ she said, turning to Dracula.

Dracula smiled.

‘You knew.’

‘I assumed,’ he replied with a shrug. ‘Or rather hoped. Choose what you like.’

‘I choose to skin you,’ Agatha said. She swung her legs off the bed, fumbling blindly for her shoes.

‘Well, I thought you`d want to deal with the machinations of the Harker Foundation first.’

Agatha froze with a shoe in one hand.

‘The Harker Foundation,’ she said slowly. ‘The Harker Foundation.’

She jumped up.

‘The Harker Foundation and ... Oh my God, Kate.’

***

The car raced at full speed along the country road.

‘Hurry,’ Agatha repeated, clenching and unclenching her hands, ‘hurry.’

‘I`m doing my best,’ Renfield replied, turning the steering wheel. ‘Dark lady.’

Dracula, who was sitting to her right, snorted – but when Agatha turned to him, his face was already serious.

‘Are you sure no one is behind her? It`s hard to make this on your own.’

‘All the possibilities of the centre are at her service,’ Agatha shrugged. ‘On the other hand, you`re right – she`s most likely working for someone.’

An hour earlier, while they were waiting for Renfield with the car, Agatha told Dracula how she woke up in the Harker Centre with a terrible headache and a thirst for blood.

‘I didn`t feel the desire of killing or biting or anything like that,’ Agatha said. ‘I just wanted to eat.’

‘And she offered you food.’

‘Yes.’ Agatha rubbed her forehead. ‘A pint of blood in a medical bag. I hated myself for enjoying it.’

‘She fed you with blood over and over again – it was different people and different types, dozens of different stories. No violence. Day after day.’

‘Yes,’ said Agatha quietly.

‘Until one day,’ said Dracula, ‘she remarked, fleetingly, in friendly conversation, that you seemed sad.’

‘I thought she was kind to me.’

They didn`t keep her locked up. They did not require cooperation with the fund. Almost nothing was asked. Agatha remembered living for two and a half months in a small apartment on the outskirts of Whitby that Kate had rented for her, the same one where Dracula had found her. She remembered those half-asleep monotonous days.

‘You were crazy about who you became. You were filled with colours, thoughts, and feelings that came from other people`s lives, you needed blood every day. Really, what could go wrong?’

‘Dracula –’

‘She waited for the moment when you were extremely unhappy. Crushed by the pressures of your new life, the fear that you are becoming a monster. And she struck.’

Late Friday night, Kate came to visit her. She brought a box of cakes and a bottle of wine. As if Agatha could still enjoy it. As if anything could ever be normal – again.

‘She said she wanted to help me.’ Agatha looked at him. ‘Help to forget about ... all of that. Just forget and start from scratch.’

Of course, there were certain restrictions. Agatha was supposed to remain a vampire – but she could become a vampire without a memory, which tormented her with guilt, and the heavy burden of her story, from which she had nowhere to go.

Dracula nodded.

‘But in return, she asked for a favour.’

Agatha looked at him wearily.

‘The Harker Centre is a family business founded by Mina over a hundred years ago. Mina was fully aware of the dangers of such a project. She laid several protocols into the concept and rules of the fund in case it was on the verge of closing. Among other things – as Kate explained to me – the fund cannot be closed or suspended as long as the documents bear the signature of at least one of the Van Helsings.’

There was silence.

‘I didn`t even read what it says,’ Agatha said in a barely audible voice.

‘You were confused, exhausted, and scared.’

‘I should have thought about what I was doing.’

‘You trusted her.’

She didn`t answer.

‘After I signed the papers, the doctor entered the room. Kate didn`t mention his name. He said that everything would last no more than half an hour. I lay down on the couch …’

When she opened her eyes, she was already Zoe Van Helsing. Scientist, PhD biologist, head of the Harker Foundation.

…

‘What I don’t understand,’ Dracula said as the car drove through another corner and the lights of Whitby appeared in the distance, ‘is why she needed me.’

‘I don`t think they expected to find you,’ Agatha shook her head. ‘I saw the divers` report and I remember Kate`s reaction. She was as shocked as me. I`m pretty sure she was going to leave you at the bottom.’

‘But she changed her mind. The question is – why. Have you been tested?’ Dracula suddenly asked.

‘What?’

‘The tests.’ Dracula looked unusually worried. ‘When I got to the centre, you took my blood for analysis. Did they do the same to you?’

‘Yes, of course,’ said Agatha. ‘It`s standard procedure.’

For a couple of seconds, she and Dracula sat looking at each other, then, turning to Renfield, they shouted in one voice,

‘Hurry!’

***

‘I hope my pass works,’ Agatha said, holding her plastic card up to the magnetic lock.

The lock clicked softly, and above it, the inscription lit up, ‘Access granted.’

Looking at Dracula, Agatha pushed open the door and stepped forward.

They passed through the hall and took the elevator down to the underground part of the complex. No one stopped them – it didn`t look like anyone was paying any attention to them at all. Foundation employees scurried around, busy with daily affairs and worries. Professionally invisible mercenaries stood like silent statues against the walls.

‘It`s all too easy,’ Dracula grunted as they stopped at the door, behind which began the section of the authorities` offices, the central guard station and the isolation room.

‘We'll see,’ said Agatha, entering.

The corridor was empty. The fluorescent lamps seemed to burn at half strength. Agatha had a strange feeling that she was on a tour, and she was being shown an old, once important, but now abandoned military facility.

‘Kate`s office,’ she said, pointing to the far end of the corridor. Dracula nodded as he followed her.

There was total chaos inside the room. Absolutely all the furniture – tables and chairs, a narrow sofa at the entrance – was littered with piles of folders, old account books and other papers. Looking around briefly, Agatha saw two wide-open safes – their contents were lying right there on the floor. At a large table, as if in the centre of some huge dump, sat Kate Bloxham.

When Dracula and Agatha entered, Kate looked up.

She stared at them for a while, as if trying to figure out who they were and what they were doing there.

‘Kate?’ Agatha said carefully.

The head of the Harker Foundation looked terrible. Thin, with sunken eyes, dull hair carelessly combed back. The rumpled jacket is obviously stale. At the sound of Agatha`s voice, Kate flinched and fixed her wandering gaze on her.

‘Zoe?’

Dracula coughed.

‘Agatha.’ Kate`s eyes finally cleared, and she leaned back in her chair. ‘You two can`t be left alone for a minute. You start acting up right away, yes?’

‘You brought us together,’ said Dracula. Kate turned to him questioningly. ‘When you realized that her blood does not work,’ Dracula nodded at Agatha, ‘you decided to try to drink mine.’

Kate looked at him silently.

‘You knew Agatha. You knew that if I cooperate with anyone, it will be her. You used her twice: to raise me from the bottom of the sea and force me to share vampire blood, and to keep your hold on the centre.’

Kate was silent. Agatha suddenly realized that she was watching Kate`s face intently, looking for … remorse? Regrets? The pain of betrayal tore apart Agatha from the inside.

‘I thought you had grand plans,’ Dracula continued. ‘This centre …’ he waved his hand towards the door. ‘Vampire blood research, martial stuff, mercenaries. I was almost sure that this was a cover, behind which there was some shadowy militaristic project. He smiled. ‘I am a warlord from the Middle Ages. Pardonably for me.’

There was a long pause.

‘But I was wrong. You don`t work for any ‘big bosses’. You don`t need it.’ Dracula walked over to the table. ‘Your dreams go further. Beyond wealth, influence, beyond power. You want immortality and the feeling that anyone, literally anyone, in comparison to you is nothing. Just a vision, an insect on the glass of the universe. That was your goal, wasn`t it, Kate?’

The veins on the temples of the woman at the table were swollen. The fingers of the right hand played with a stationery knife. The fingernails were unnaturally long. Kate had never had a manicure before, Agatha remembered. She cut her nails to the root. In addition to all other oddities, Agatha noted a greyish pallor and bloodshot eyes.

‘You could have contacted me, you could have asked for a favour,’ Dracula continued meanwhile. ‘But that would make you my bride. Would make you dependent on me.’

‘No one will be my master,’ Kate said through parched lips.

‘But you miscalculated.’ Dracula nodded and leaned his hands on the table. ‘Becoming a vampire isn`t so easy – if it was, I`d have an impressively large family in Transylvania.’ He leaned down. ‘You miscalculated because you are a coward and were afraid to think this thought through to the end.’

Kate got up.

‘What the –’

‘To become a vampire,’ Dracula interrupted her, ‘you have to die. It`s the only thing I`m absolutely sure of. I have experimented with this for centuries. The rest of the conditions have changed, this is one of all – never had.’

Kate looked at him with wide eyes.

‘You, Miss Kate Bloxham, are very and quite noticeably alive,’ Dracula chuckled. ‘With this in mind, you can drink our blood by gallons – and you`d achieve mo more than a profuse burp.’

‘How dare you?’ roared Kate.

Agatha didn`t have time to do anything. Before she could comprehend what was happening, the head of the Harker Centre and her ex-friend climbed onto her own desk and knelt on it, ripping off her dirty jacket in rage.

‘You nasty bastard,’ Kate hissed; her face contorted, she grinned. Laughed. Agatha shuddered at what a cold, lifeless laugh it was. ‘You filthy bastard, I don`t care what you think. Have you experimented? With what?’

Dracula silently looked at Kate, not trying to interrupt her or argue with her.

‘I came to this centre ten years ago.’ Kate`s voice was hoarse and hurried. ‘It was so neglected, so miserable. Funding is small, almost all scientists fled. I actually revived it from the ruins.’

‘But no one noticed,’ said Dracula.

‘No one wanted the centre,’ Kate grinned again. ‘In the twenty-first century, no one cares about vampires unless they`re clowns in teen movies. Over the years, the foundation has become a sinecure. A safe haven for second-rate scientists and obsessed conspiracy theorists. Only I understood … only I saw what it was. Only I knew what it could become. What I could become.’

Agatha and Dracula listened.

‘I fired all the idlers, found new sponsors. Won several large grants to research flu viruses during two epidemics. Agreed on a private army with very powerful people.’ Kate tore the collar of her blouse as if she was hot. ‘I worked like hell.’

For a few seconds, only her breathing was heard in the room.

‘And then you showed up.’

Kate turned to Agatha.

‘You were a win, a real gift. The happy occasion that I have been waiting for so long. In the foundation`s labs, I developed a reagent that makes it possible …’ Kate paused. ‘Makes it possible to use vampire blood for conversion. This is my life`s work,’ Kate looked defiantly at Dracula. ‘I synthesized the conversion serum. I did it.’

Dracula didn`t answer.

‘When we found you, everything was ready. The only thing missing was vampire blood.’ Kate laughed. ‘And you gave it to me.’

She straightened her skirt, which was pulled up to her hips.

‘Kate –’ Agatha began.

‘When I drank it,’ Kate licked her lips, ‘everything changed. The world has changed, I have become different.’ She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. ‘Everything became so bright, so hot. Spicy.’ Kate giggled. ‘It`s like the world has been doused with curry sauce. Agatha, do you like curry? I really love it.’

The silence was her answer.

‘When the first surge of euphoria passed, you realized that the experiment had failed.’

Dracula`s voice was calm and cold as ice.

‘It hadn`t,’ Kate jumped up again. ‘It hadn`t.’ She stretched her lips into a smile. ‘I saw in the dark, I wanted blood. Lots of sweet, hot blood. But I needed more. More power, more possibilities. I sent a second group of scuba divers to the area where the Demeter sank to explore the bottom.’

Agatha remembered the entry in her diary. Characteristics of Dracula. ‘Best among vampires.’ Kate was looking for the best among vampires. Blood is lives. And Kate logically decided that his blood was stronger than Agatha`s, stronger than anyone else`s of the vampire kind.

‘And when I found …’ Kate twisted on the table in front of Dracula, as if trying to seduce him. ‘When I drank it ... Everything became completely different. I see people`s thoughts. I don`t get tired, I don`t sleep. I am immortal.’

‘You are having a manic psychotic episode.’

Kate recoiled as if she`d been punched in the face.

‘A few days ago I asked Renfield to bring me the blood of a good psychiatrist,’ Dracula continued calmly. ‘Could come in handy.’ He made a pause. ‘You have invested too much in this project.’ Dracula shook his head. ‘You really worked hard. The last couple of months – almost without a break for sleep and food. You couldn`t afford to lose. Not now. Not when you were two steps away from victory, not when you put everything on the line. Therefore, your psyche broke. And gave you the picture you needed. Kate, you are still human.’ Suddenly, his voice softened. ‘I think it`s for the best.’

Agatha missed the moment when Kate lunged at him. Everything happened too fast. Kate`s heart-rending scream, pale female hands shot up, the crackle of a torn skirt.

‘Agatha, give me the scotch tape,’ Dracula`s voice came to her, as if through cotton wool.

‘What?’

‘Stationery tape – there, on the table. I won`t get it.’

Looking away from Dracula, who was holding the hysterical Kate by the wrists with one hand, Agatha silently took a skein of wide tape from the table and handed it to him. She watched silently as Dracula wrapped duct tape around Kate`s hands. Then she turned and walked out the door.

***

The morning was already very close. The wind stirred the neatly trimmed bushes in Harker`s downtown courtyard.

‘Still, you were right in wanting her back,’ Agatha said thoughtfully. ‘Wanting Agatha Van Helsing back.’

Throwing back his head, Dracula stood, exposing his face to the wind.

‘I told you – you are Agatha. Zoe is the part of you that you didn`t dare to –’

‘ – accept?’

Dracula looked at her with a smile.

‘Well, I must admit, she is really –’ began Agatha, embarrassed.

‘She`s amazing,’ Dracula interrupted her.

Amazing.

Agatha closed her eyes.

‘Count Dracula,’ she said, opening them. ‘You are an insufferable bastard.’

‘Oh, so you got the message? I was afraid it wouldn`t come through.’

Reaching out her hand, Agatha gave him a light flick on the nose.

‘I got it and composed the answer.’

Dracula raised his eyebrows.

‘For her, for me?’

‘For both.’

Agatha turned and looked at the sign on the foundation building. From the door, the police led the handcuffed Kate out.

‘Zoe is the part of me that loved you,’ Agatha said as she watched Kate get into the car. ‘The one who couldn`t come to terms with what happened on the Demeter. The one who wanted us to have a chance.’

She turned and looked at Dracula.

‘And was she succeed?’ Dracula asked quietly.

Agatha smiled broadly.

‘Oh, yes, she was. I was,’ she said.

The morning silence was pierced by the screams of a klaxon. Dracula and Agatha turned to the sound. A limousine was parked in the driveway at the place where the police car was. Renfield got out of the limousine and waved at them.

Dracula and Agatha joined hands and walked towards the car.

#dracula bbc #dracula 2020 #bbc dracula #count dracula #zoe van helsing #agatha van helsing #dragatha #fanfic

[alarrytale]

"So Harry styles is a closeted gay man, who can kiss random men on the mouth and star as a gay man in a movie? This does not make a bit of sense. Also got his ex gfs name tattooed. The baiting worked so well on you guys."

Lol to anon and the lack of the knowledge of facts because otherwise the person won´t write this.

There´s a photo of Harry from Feb 2020 (=pre-pandemic when noone knew everything will be cancelled for upcoming 1,5 years) where he has My Policeman book in his coat pocket. Isn´t it bit weird he read the gay romance/book about closeting himself while he didn´t know his tour is about to be postponed and so he will have time for his actor career? Oh and also check the facts what MP director said about him especially that Harry was the person who wanted to play Tom and did everything to get that role. My opinion is that he found himself in Tom Burgess character and playing him was a huge signal to everybody. The fact that only us, larries, who know about him got it is another chapter.

O tattoo. Oh well, one stupid tattoo which is placed so high we saw it after a year and he did everything to show it. And what about all those tattoos which only by coincidence are complementary with Louis´ tattoos? For me one stupid name (while also fans made literally a list of like +10 another meanings for that tattoo) tattooed in font which can be barely read is literally nothing to tattoos visible in every single occasion. He can replace it in one session.

His drunk gayness during Brits 2023. Okay, opinions can be different but in my opinion when a person is drunk their true personality can show up because with alcohol people are loosing borders. It´s same as when you´re around people with whom you are comfortable, you don´t hold yourself back or behave somehow to fit. Harry was so drunk and stopped holding himself back that he kissed Lewis Capaldi like it´s absolutely sure thing and then there was that moment when he literally threw himself to Stanley Tucci who was even suprised and had to put hand in front of him to move Harry away. That was public. But there´s another video from seating area when Harry is again with Stanley and they are hugging like crazy and in the end Harry passionately kiss Stanley´s hand. Or another video from the afterparty which doesn´t show much but again, there´s Harry holding another man like there is something between them. And be sure this moment wasn´t about to be public. Just like the moment from Octorber 7th when Harry is again happily hugging actor from The Effect play. Why is he like this? Well, we know why.

And last point like an encore - There was that famous interview where Harry is asked if Sweet Creature is about....Louis Tomlinson. Harry could easily just say "No" or "It´s about my sister Gemma" (because that´s what antis/harries thinks it´s about totally ignoring the romantic context of the song). Well, instead of simple "No" he started to make horse noise obviously trying to figure out what to say while not giving the straight answer.

Hi, anon!

Well to be fair to that anon, it probably doesn’t make any sense to them due to all the things i mentioned in the other ask. It makes sense to us. We've found a coherency they haven't. We have more puzzle pieces together on the board then they do, without any big holes.

I also don't think it's of any use to lay it out for them if they're not able to overcome these obstacles that's stopping them from seeing things our way. They don't want to see it, so they don't. They need to acknowledge that closeting exists and that their idols are lying to them. I don't think they are ready to admit that because it will mean that the rose coloured glasses have to come off first.

#long post #closeting #harry image #fandom