Ok well i had the brief thought “what about an ER nurse Eddie au?” and then this popped fully formed into existence so fuck it Friday pt 2.. warnings for smoking and vague references to critically injured kids
“That doesn’t seem very healthy.”
Smoke curls up from the cigarette held loosely in Eddie’s hand. “It’s not, particularly.”
Buck’s hands are in his pockets as he strolls away from the glass doors out into the ambulance bay where Eddie is doing the mature, professional equivalent of playing hide and seek. He comes to a stop barely a foot or two away from where Eddie leans against grimy concrete. “Didn’t know you were a smoker.”
“I’m not,” Eddie sighs, “Particularly.” He looks over Buck’s face as he takes a drag, cataloging bruises and cuts. He hadn’t been the one to look him over before he was discharged, probably because he was out here avoiding having to do so. “Only when it’s- only after the bad shifts.” And only once a month, even if the bad shifts come again and again. He bought this pack in January, it’s stale as shit.
Buck’s eyes follow the smoke as it drifts skyward. “Rough one today?”
Eddie thinks he probably doesn’t have to explain to Buck that it’s sometimes better when a kid is dead on arrival so he doesn’t have to try his best to administer care he knows will be useless. He doesn’t have to explain a day where nothing goes right and he loses more people than he can save and he still has to walk away from someone’s parent or wife or sister, left behind forever in a waiting room on the worst day of their life, and go on to lose the next person too. Doesn’t have to explain why he’s out here, and not in there. “Mm. We’ve got this repeat customer, always hate to have him back.”
Buck’s eyes flick to his face before they settle somewhere around his elbow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. He seems like a nice guy. I worry about him. He’s here too often.”
Buck doesn’t look up. “What was he in for this time?”
“Minor concussion. Bruising. Lacerations.” Eddie sucks cancer into his lungs. “Heard a house fell on him.” Exhales it into the night.
Buck does look up this time, eyes a darker blue out here in the shadows. “Part of a house. Just a staircase and the- like, the balcony, really.”
“Maybe he should stay away from those.”
“From houses?” Buck asks, half his mouth twitching into a smile.
Eddie rests his head on the wall behind him. “Guess that’s not really practical.”
“No.” Buck is quiet for a moment, one hand slipping out of his pocket and running through his hair. Eddie wonders what he looks like, when he’s not here. He’s more styled, sometimes, when things aren’t very bad. He wonders if he’s usually all gelled up and neat. Eddie kind of likes the loose curls. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Making your day worse.” Buck looks genuinely apologetic, and Eddie shakes his head.
“The guy made it out okay this time.” Buck is just close enough that Eddie can kick at his boot with his sensible orthopedic sneaker. “You didn’t even need stitches.”
“That’s good.” Eddie’s left foot is pressed along the inside of Buck’s right, and Buck is staring down at them. “His favorite nurse was on break. I would have missed you if someone else had to do them.”
Eddie laughs, just a few bursts of soundless oxygen. “You gotta find new ways to see me before something happens that I can’t fix.”
Buck moves, taking the few steps necessary to lean against the wall beside him. Carefully, he takes the cigarette from Eddie’s hand, holds it between two of his own fingers, and takes a drag. Eddie watches it happen like he’s monitoring somebody’s pulse ox, and when Buck coughs he laughs again, louder this time. “Fuck,” Buck says, laughing too. “Thought that would be cooler than it was.”
“Smoking isn’t cool, firefighter Buckley,” Eddie says, taking the cigarette back and pulling from it again between smiling lips.
“Hm,” Buck says, grinning out into the night. Then he sighs, and rolls his head along the concrete to look at Eddie. “I think there’s nothing you can’t fix.”
They’re very close. “There’s lots I can’t fix.”
Buck shrugs like he disagrees. “I also think I’d like to find other ways to see you.”
Buck’s eyes are even more in shadow at this angle, and they’re the color of the lake back in El Paso that he and a bunch of kids went to after graduation, drunk off beer somebody’s cousin got for them, skinny dipping with breathless terrified delight under bright constellations. “Then ask me.”
Buck inhales as Eddie exhales. “What time’s your shift end?”
“5:30 AM. So, probably 6:15.”
Buck traces the two fingers he’d used to hold the cigarette down Eddie’s arm. “You wanna get breakfast with me?”
“Yes. I would.”
Buck smiles, and Eddie snubs out the cigarette on the wall between them. “I’ll meet you here?”
“Alright.” He takes a step forward, then a step to the right so he’s standing in front of Buck. “Two hours.”
“Uh huh.”
He should really get back inside. They’re understaffed, as always, and there are too many patients, as always, and not enough beds, as always. “See you then.” He doesn’t make any move to leave.
“See you then,” Buck almost whispers. He leans forward, and Eddie still doesn’t move, so he presses a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth for just a moment. His lips are warm. Eddie hadn’t noticed it was cold outside.
Buck pulls back and leans against the wall again. Eddie smiles, puts a hand in his pocket, and walks back toward the doors.
1K notes
·
View notes
tomorrow's dawn is a promise
“The storm woke you?” he asks quietly.
Buck shrugs. “I guess.”
He looks unnaturally small here, on Eddie’s couch, tucked under a grey fleece blanket, one week out of the hospital after almost—after dying. He died, his heart stopped, once when the lightning struck and once more in the hospital, and it wasn’t really a miracle when the doctors brought him back but it felt like one anyway.
Buck and Eddie, in the aftermath.
For BTHB: natural disasters
[Read on AO3]
The storm wakes Eddie in the middle of the night. It’s the lightning, he thinks, the white flash of it through the room, because he’s sitting up in bed with his heart in his throat before the crack of thunder that follows. It trembles through his chest, his hands, his heart. He swallows and swears he can taste ozone.
He’s reaching out before he even decides to do so, but the bed beside him is empty, sheets thrown back. Eddie listens, straining against the sound of rain on the roof, but he doesn’t hear anything.
Lightning flashes again, thunder quick on its heels.
Eddie gets up. Grabs a hoodie on the way out of the room—something with a zip up the middle, impossible to tell the colour in the dark—without checking who it belongs to.
He checks on Christopher first. Half expects to find Buck there, leaning in the doorway, but the hallway is empty and Christopher, when Eddie pushes the door open to check, is fast asleep with a pair of headphones still on. He steps in just long enough to remove them gently, setting them on the bedside table, then bends down to kiss his son on the forehead. Chris doesn’t stir.
There’s no flickering TV light in the living room—and no time lit up on the microwave when he pokes his head into the kitchen, either, which means the power is out. Eddie flicks the button for the kettle anyway, just to check, then gets a glass out of the cupboard and fills it with water from the tap.
Buck doesn’t move when he sits down at the other end of the couch, fumbling with the blanket-lump of his best friend’s body until he finds an ankle and tugs. There are a few seconds of resistance, then Buck uncurls, stretching until his feet are in Eddie’s lap. He’s wearing socks, even though he wasn’t when they went to bed, and Eddie can feel the steady beat of his heart in his posterior tibial pulse point. He knows; he checks.
“The storm woke you?” he asks quietly.
Buck shrugs. “I guess.”
He looks unnaturally small here, on Eddie’s couch, tucked under a grey fleece blanket, one week out of the hospital after almost—after dying. He died, his heart stopped, once when the lightning struck and once more in the hospital, and it wasn’t really a miracle when the doctors brought him back but it felt like one anyway.
In the white-flash of lightning through the windows, he looks as ghost-like as he did in that hospital bed: pale and still and not-quite-real. Like one blink would be enough to make him disappear.
Eddie doesn’t blink.
Thunder growls.
“You could have woken me up,” he says, thumb moving on Buck’s ankle. He wonders if it will feel like an absent movement. Doesn’t know if he hopes or dreads that it does.
It was so easy, sitting in the hospital, to think: I love you, I can’t lose you.
It feels impossibly hard to admit it now: I love you, I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you.
“Did you know,” Buck says, not looking at him, “that only about ten percent of lightning strike cases are fatal?”
Eddie did know that. He googled it, the way people say you shouldn’t google things when you’re waiting in the hospital. The way Buck would have googled, if he wasn’t the one with a tube down his throat and a heart monitor hooked up to his chest, constant reminders that he was alive and that he hadn’t been.
“Yeah.” He has to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to speak. “I guess you’re lucky.”
Again. Still. How many times are they up to now? Ladder truck, blood clots, tsunami, a dozen little things, a dozen fires and rescues and close calls.
“No.” Buck’s denial is quick and fierce. Fiercer than Eddie expects. “You guys saved my life. You—you saved my life.”
There are tears on his cheeks in the next flash of lightning. Eddie holds his breath and waits for the thunder, waits and waits, the storm moving away now, the seconds between lightning and thunder stretching like rubber band distance. Eddie keeps expecting it to snap back and bite him.
In the echoing silence, he doesn’t quite mean to say, “You saved my life first.”
Buck shakes his head, but Eddie cuts him off before he can deny it.
“I’m not talking about the sniper.” (Even though that probably is something they should talk about: the sniper.) “I mean—before. Before everything. I’ve never had a best friend before, you know?”
He doesn’t think Buck is breathing.
He’s not sure he’s breathing himself.
“I thought you hated me when we first met, which just seems ridiculous now because I can’t imagine my life without you. I literally can’t. So maybe I’m selfish, or maybe loving you is the most selfless thing I’ve ever let myself do, I don’t know, but there was never any choice except saving you.”
There was never any choice except loving you.
The weight of the rain had faded, but it comes back now, louder than ever in the wake of the departing storm. It pours into the spaces between them, into the vacuum between the words leaving Eddie’s mouth and being sucked in on Buck’s next breath, finding home deep in chest.
“Eddie,” he breathes; a trembling, broken sound.
Eddie doesn’t know how to look at him. Doesn’t know how to look away. His hand, still on Buck’s ankle, is trembling.
I prayed for you, he wants to say. I can’t remember the last time I prayed, but I prayed for you.
“I get it,” he says instead. “Why you didn’t wake me up. Why you’re hiding out here in the dark.”
“The power’s out,” Buck tries, but it’s a feeble protest.
“I get it,” Eddie repeats. “And if you really want me to leave you alone, I will, but—”
“Stay,” Buck cuts him off. His toes flex, curling and uncurling in their socks, and his hand is palm up when he reaches out between them. “I want you to stay.”
More lightning, feeble and distant.
Eddie takes his hand. Feels how warm it is. How alive. Buck squeezes and he squeezes back.
The thunder is almost impossible to hear now, a distant rumble drowned out by the rain on the roof.
“You’re my best friend too,” Buck tells him, his eyes wide and earnest in the darkness, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s imagining the way it sounds like I love you too.
He doesn’t think he’s the only one imagining what it would feel like to lean across the gap between them and kiss his best friend.
“Will you do me a favour?” he asks.
“Sure,” only a little bit wary.
“Next time,” Eddie says, “let me go up the ladder.”
Half a laugh, low and wet. Buck’s answer is an unsurprising, “No deal.”
Eddie wonders if he knows that he wasn’t the only one hit by that lightning bolt. That Eddie couldn’t be sure, even in hindsight, whether the beats his heart skipped were because of Buck hanging in the air or the shock that threw him from the truck. That for one millisecond, maybe two or three or four, they were connected by that electrical charge, and Eddie still doesn’t understand why it stopped Buck’s heart but not his. That he understood, with the ER doors swinging shut between them, what Buck meant when he sat beside Eddie’s hospital bed and said I wish it had been me.
Eddie will save Buck every time if he can, but he’s selfish because he doesn’t want to have to do it again. He just wants—this. He wants Buck, warm and safe and the promise of happy, of a future, spilling out between them. The calm without the storm.
“Just promise me you’ll be careful?” he asks, even though he knows that it’s a promise that can’t be kept. That even if it is, it doesn’t mean Buck will be safe.
Buck knows it too, but he still says, “I can do that.”
Eddie squeezes his hand.
Buck squeezes back.
They sit there until dawn breaks through the clouds, the room bathed in blue and orange and, eventually, sunshine yellow. Outside, birds are waking up and singing, and under Eddie’s hand one his ankle, Buck’s heart beats and beats and beats.
The universe doesn’t scream. But if it did, Eddie thinks it might sound a little like this.
285 notes
·
View notes
New Fic: Electrostatic Attraction
Chapter One: Charge Seperation (8.3 k)
-
In front of him Hen shifts, her body blocking his view of the ladder rising into the dark sky. Of the rain-slick figure of his captain charging hand over fist to the top of the rungs. Three points of contact be damned.
Her eyes, Eddie notices, are too wide, too bright from where she whips her head around to the sight behind her, only to startle and look at Eddie once again.
There's too much spinning round his brain, and he’s forgetting something, he knows he is.
He’d got Buck into his harness, double- no triple checked every buckle and loop, he’d looked Buck in the eye and asked him to come home with him. To him.
Then.
Then Buck had climbed as he had manned the controls. He’d stopped, with panic in his voice and then the world had lit up.
No.
His sharp intake of breath must tip Hen off because she starts to speak, to say his name as Eddie gets a skinned-hand beneath himself and pushes upward, looking past her.
Backlit by the highrise lights, Buck’s blurred form sways from his final stop two-thirds up the extended ladder, only the single strap of fabric suspending him from plummeting to the asphalt below.
-
The 6b!lightinng Strike Spec Fic or, 'The boys get struck by lightning, a hospital bed is privy to yet another life-altering conversation, and even without his memory Buck's body could never forget his Diaz boys.'
252 notes
·
View notes