#ANYWay sorry for rambling and being a sad little guy in the tags lol enjoy the art and listen to the song :D

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

Happy 10th birthday to The Song Ever

#guys can u believe its been 10 years i feel so old bsksdjlka #ylvis #what does the fox say #my art #artists on tumblr #sketch #gonna write a novel in the tags now so: #i havent drawn anything in a few months bc ive been dealing with medical stuff #this sketch was supposed to become a full painting and it was gonna be awesome and the composition was gonna be great etc etc #this sketch has been in my files since late june lmao thats how long its been since i drew anything #so yes i am very disappointed that i couldnt finish it but since it's such a momentus occasion I thought I'd post this mess anyway :') #I just really wanted to commemorate it as (and sorry for getting all depressing here lol) ... #... it was kinda the last thing that brought me a whole lot of joy before a lot of shit started going on in the family that basically ... #... ended my childhood (metaphorically) #anyways i loved it when it came out i listened to it constantly along with their song stonehenge (which i still listen to occasionally hjsd #and truckers hitch when that came out about a year later i think #ANYWay sorry for rambling and being a sad little guy in the tags lol enjoy the art and listen to the song :D

[emkay512]

Just For Tonight

What if it had been Liam’s idea to have house Beaumont sponsor Riley in his social season? And what was Liam’s night like after he dropped off Riley in the very first chapter?

A/N: I watch a lot of rom-coms and chick flicks and couldn’t stop thinking about Liam and came up with this 🙃 This exists in my OUAT universe, so I’m using those tags, I hope that’s ok and you enjoy!

Thank you at @sfb123 and @queenrileyrose for pre-reading and giving me that extra confident boost! I think I was marinating on this too long! Lol 😅

Warnings: Some language, but that’s about it.

Tags: @burnsoslow @bbrandy2002 @ao719 @kat-tia801 @sincerelyella @charlotteg234 @neotericthemis @queenrileyrose @kingliam2019 @iaminlovewithtrr @amandablink @iluaaa @jared2612 @sfb123 @twinkleallnight @tessa-liam @secretaryunpaid @ladyangel70 @gkittylove99 @texaskitten30 @shanzay44 @ofpixelsandscribbles

Word count: 1,676

Liam’s head was swimming. He and Riley just piled into a cab to escort her back to her apartment after their midnight rendezvous with the Statue of Liberty. That kiss she gave him on the ferry had him dizzy, he was losing his inner fight to remember his duty bound responsibilities and wanted to embrace her again, but he also didn’t want to lead Riley on.

As if Riley was reading his mind, she broke the silence and asked, “hey, Liam?” Liam focused his gaze on her in reply, “what if just for tonight, we indulge in ourselves a little?” Liam lifted his brow in confusion.

“How do you mean?”

Riley was feeling quiet vulnerable with her idea, but in keeping with her own suggestion, she explained, “I have a feeling about you. That you’re used to putting your priorities and desires dead last in life. I’m even a little afraid that you may come to regret this night with me because you will convince yourself you had over indulged by allowing a little personal pleasure in your life. I’m saying, don’t do that. And I won’t either. I’m not sorry for opening up to a prince I know I’ll never see again. So… so how about you do the same?” Riley felt her cheeks blush and she looked up at him to see his eyes soften, knowing he was moved and would agree.

“Ok.” Liam smiled genuinely, she was completely right, and now thanks to her, he wouldn’t allow himself to feel any shame for enjoying this night. “Ok, Ms. Riley Brooks, I’ll do the same. Just for tonight, I will feel no shame for enjoying myself, for letting my heart call the shots for once.”

“Good.” Riley almost felt her eyes well up with tears from both the most sincere happiness she was feeling mixed with sadness of the night ending. Just then, the cab slowed to a stop right in front of her stoop. “Well, this is me. Good night, Liam. Thank you for the unforgettable evening.”

“Riley,” was all he could whisper before they both leaned in, closed their eyes, and surrendered into their goodnight kiss. Liam had relaxed completely, and it was Riley that deepened the kiss. She had parted her lips for him and he allowed himself to touch his tongue to hers, reveling in her sweet taste. He took one hand to cup her cheek and his other hand around her waist, both hands pressing her body as close to his as possible.

At the sound of the cabbie clearing his throat, they parted, both a little out of breathe. With smiles on both their faces, they said at the same time, “well, good night.”

They awkwardly laughed, and Riley touched her hand to his 5 o’clock shadow and said, “I think you are amazing, and thank you again for tonight.” She offered him the sweetest smile and then moved to exit the cab.

Liam replied as she was making her move out, “goodnight, Ms. Riley, and just so you know, I will never regret this night.” It was the right thing to say, as he saw nothing but elation on her face as she gently shut the car door and turned to walk into her apartment.

After giving the cabbie the name of his hotel, Liam leaned back in the backseat of the cab with nothing but stars in his eyes. He couldn’t believe the night he just had, and he was too far gone in his euphoria that he wouldn’t allow himself to think back to the reality that awaits him. Just for tonight. Just like they had said. He would allow himself to close out this night on his love sick high.

Upon his arrival back to the suite he was sharing with his friends, Maxwell was the only one still up. Liam could swear that his good, cheery, friend, Maxwell Beaumont, operated on constant energizer bunny batteries and actually didn’t sleep.

“Well, well, well… couldn’t quiet pull off the next-morning-walk-of-shame, my prince?” Maxwell knew Liam hated the formalities among his friends so he knew right away that Maxwell was in a full ball-busting mood. But Liam didn’t care. And to his dismay, Maxwell noticed. “Whoa. What the hell is that dopey look on your face!? You did get laid??” Maxwell was sincerely perplexed because he knew that a one night quickie was unlike Liam, but he could think of no other explanation.

Liam chuckled and shrugged, knowing he was unable to shake the grin off his face. No, he didn’t get laid. But he did get kissed. Twice. By a woman he knew he wouldn’t shake from his thoughts, for probably the rest of his life. Just for tonight. He continued the mantra in his mind. He’d let his mind wander to the idea of seeing her again. “Calm down, Max. She just showed me a very lovely evening. She pulled off a trip to the Statue of Liberty. Just for me.” Maxwell was not missing the stars in Liam’s eyes and couldn’t resist in fucking with him a little more.

“Huh, so your tryst involved another lady? Ya know, Lady Liberty? Kinky.” Liam rolled his eyes, that’s not even creative or funny, he thought to himself. “Wait, so how in the hell did you pull that off? I know you get shit done, but a last minute late night boat ride in a foreign country to impress a girl? How did you do it?”

“I didn’t. It was all the other way around. She called in a favor to impress me, and as you can see, I was quiet taken.”

“Well damn, sister’s got some moves! I mean, look at you, I’ve never seen you so smitten!” Maxwell was still muttering some mockeries at Liam, something about Liam being a smitten kitten. But it was something else he said that stuck out to Liam. Sister. Maxwell had call her a sister. After a second, a wild idea popped into Liam’s mind.

“That’s it! That’s it, Maxwell you genius!” Maxwell blinked up at Liam, very unsure what part of his rambles got Liam so excited. “House Beaumont still needs a sponsor for the social season, right?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s right.” Maxwell was clearly not putting two and two together.

“Catch up, Beaumont! Her! Riley! What do you think? We could catch up with her in the morning and ask her to join the season under your house. Well?”

Maxwell was grinning from ear to ear. He thought it was such a good idea that he was disappointed he didn’t think of it. “You’re on. You and I can find her in the morning before your early flight back and if she says yes, I’ll bring her back here to get the guys caught up and she’ll fly back with us.”

“Genius! Ah, I could kiss you right now Maxwell! I’m gonna try to catch some sleep before the morning.” Liam said while pumping his fist in excitement and he half jogged into a separate room to fall asleep.

The next morning, Liam and Maxwell caught sight of Riley walking up to her bar. Maxwell still had a curious amount of energy in him and next thing Liam knew, he was jogging ahead to Riley with his hand in the air to get her attention. “Hey! Hey, Riley!” Liam kept his pace as Maxwell rushed ahead.

Riley whipped around to see Maxwell charging at her. “Oh, hey. It’s you. One of Liam’s friends, Maxwell, right?”

“Yep! Good memory! Anyway I’m glad I caught you. I’m here because I want to formally invite you to Cordonia to participate in all the festivities for Liam. Normally you wouldn’t be allowed to join, but I want to sponsor you!” Maxwell could see the shock and confusion on her face as he continued to explain. “I’m from a noble house, but I don’t have any sisters so we don’t have anyone in contention to marry the prince. Instead we get to pick any girl to sponsor, and I pick you!”

“Wh-why me?”

“I’m not doing it just for you.” Just then Liam caught up and strode into the scene.

“Good morning, Ms. Riley Brooks.” Liam used his most husky and calm voice possible. He knew he was about to be asking a lot out of her.

Riley instantly picked up Liam’s voice as he walked up and greeted her, “Liam? What are you doing here?”

Liam approached and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips for a quick kiss. He met her eyes as he explained, “I’m here to do the same thing my good friend, Maxwell, is here doing. I want to convince you to come to Cordonia. Everything he said is true. You can participate as his sponsor.” Riley moved her eyes from Liam and looked just over his shoulder at Maxwell, she was trying to decide if he was someone she could trust and someone whose house she wanted to join. She saw a very promising and honest smile on his face, and she felt comfortable. She then looked back to Liam, who was still holding her hand.

“I… I don’t know.. that’s a big commitment..”

“Look,” Liam said quickly not wanting to lose his momentum. “I’ll level with you, Cordonia won’t be like New York, but there’s something about you. About us, that I trust. There’s something here Riley, why not give it a shot. Come on, I know you feel it too.”

She most certainly felt it too and she thought about last night and the opportunity that could be ahead of her, versus her current shitty bartending life in New York, and she came to her decision. “Ok,” she smiled and looked him in the eye, “I’m in.”

“Yes!” Maxwell shouted from behind them, “go pack your bags, this is going to be the adventure of a lifetime!”

Riley looked at Liam and said, “I guess we’re shooting for more than just for tonight, huh?”

Liam replied, “heh, yeah I guess you’re right.”

#choices trr #choices #king liam #liam x riley #the royal romance #trr #trr liam #liam x mc #trr Liam fic #trr fic #trr ouat

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 7 Spoilers

Spoilers below

Good morning. There's a guy power washing the sidewalks at 12:30 a.m., and the drone from the generator is drilling into my brain. So I will watch WandaVision instead of doing something I might regret.

Previously on: Wanda was getting sick of Pietro's shit. Vision knows/thinks his wife is behind all the creepy shenanigans, and he tried to escape the Hex, only to fly to pieces in the real world. I can relate.

Outside, Monica, Jimmy, and Darcy were banished from the SWORD circus by Acting Director Dick, because of course. They snuck back in, also because of course. Darcy hacked AD Dick's files and found out he's Up to Something. Then she ran to try and help Vision and got herself arrested and handcuffed to a jeep. Which is where the brave SWORD agents left her when they ran away as Wanda, attempting to save Vision, expanded the Hex, swallowing Darcy and the SWORD compound, turning it all into a sitcom circus. Well deserved. Well, not Darcy, but anyway.

AD Dick escaped. Unfortunately. But, so did Jimmy and Monica who were off to her mystery aerospace engineer friend to find a way into the Hex.

Also, Tommy and Billy have powers.  

The episode 7 summary is a delight: "Two super-powered beings living ideal suburban lives suspect that everything is not as it seems." You don't say, Disney+.

Wanda wakes, regrets everything, and hides under the covers.  Understandable. Cut away to her addressing the camera The Office style "Look, we've all been there. Letting our fear and anger get the best of us; intentionally expanding the boarders of the false world we created". (cut to screaming running SWORD minions lol).

The boys come to get her, their game is freaking out. The video game controllers can't decide what decade they're in and are glitching it up.

Billy says his head feels weird and noisy. Wanda isn't terribly responsive. Mommy needs some her time.

"As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine-style staycation. A whole day. Just to myself. That'll show me." lol

Wanda eventually rouses herself, goes downstairs in her robe and sweats, ignores the boys fighting over a video game controller, and goes for the sugariest cereal. The milk container keeps glitching, she tries very very hard to ignore that.

Interesting Office-style opening credits, where it's just her name on everything. Vision is only added at the end, with the tag "Created by Wanda Maximoff".

Out in the real world, what is the point of SWORD? Like how do they have jurisdiction? Where is SHIELD. Director Mack, wtf, dude?

Anyway, now that part of their camp has been swallowed by the hex, they're further out, staring at the angry glowing force-field. AD Dick is a dick. He wants to know what's happening with the broadcast. His little minion says the signal's gone. Ominously he says "we launch today". Mmmm, what delightfully heavy-handed dipshittery will we have to endure?

Back inside. Vision wakes in the field at the edge of town that is now a circus. And lots and lots of clowns. He gets yelled at by a strongman who seems to think Vision is the new clown and tells him he's late for rehearsal with the escape artist. Who is Darcy. lol

"I put in for the bearded lady. But this alabaster complexion wasn't fooling anyone."

Darcy is chained to a ye olde fire engine or tractor or something. Vision walks up to her making a weird face and kind of waving his hand back and forth between them.

"You don't remember me from last night? We locked eyes, there was an unspoken understanding." Darcy tells him "um, hard pass." lol She busts out of her chains and walks away, Vision chases after.

Back at home, Wanda wants to know if the boys have seen dad, they haven't, but Billy wants to know about that whole thing Uncle Pietro said about dad being dead again. Wanda says Pietro is not their uncle. The boys don't understand, and Wanda has a little rambling breakdown about how she has no answers and maybe there's no meaning to anything ha ha don't worry boys mommy's just having a little depression.

Agnes knocks and then, you know, strolls in, when Wanda magics the door open.

"Hi Agnes. I'd get up but I just don't, ahahahah, want to." If I was Billy or Tommy I'd mount a search for dad. Stat.

Agnes: "I think I got there in the nick of time, 'cause she was one split-end away from cutting her own bangs."

(It's 1 a.m. and I swear to God, that man is still power-washing the sidewalks.)

Agnes suggests the boys go with her and give mommy that 'me time' she so desperately needs. The boys are reluctant but Wanda is ecstatic.

Once alone with her certainly soggy cereal, Wanda settles back to watch crappy daytime TV. But, damn it, the furniture is glitching through the eras.

"I'm fine! I'm fine hahahah. *sigh* I'm fine. i'm fine. … I'm fine."

In the real world. Jimmy and Monica are still on the move. The file on project whatever it was from last episode (Cataract), that Darcy forwarded to Jimmy's email, has finally found its way to him. It's R&D reports.

Oh, that asshole, AD Dick was trying to bring Vision back online. Monica puts the pieces together "Heyward wants his sentient weapon back."

Jimmy says somebody has to tell Wanda.

Good thing they arrive at the other side of the Hex, I guess? Where Monica has another team waiting. An Agent Goodner. They brought her like some sort of big Mars rover thingy.

Vision is still trying to talk to Darcy. "You tried to help me." "Doubtful. I'm notoriously self-involved."

lol, some amusing back and forth. Darcy is an f'ing delight and I don't just say that because I am obviously hideously biased.

Vision distracts her with a mime and takes the opportunity to do his brain mojo on her, waking her up. "Part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on this show, but seriously that sucked."

"Dr. Lewis. I have questions." "I have answers."

And then they steal the funnel cake truck.

"Dr. Lewis, my questions. Are my children safe?" "That I don't know." "And who was that Pietro?" "Beats me."

Wanda is still working on her bowl of cereal. Give it up, sister. The house redecorates itself around her.

Uh-oh, in her talking head segment, about how she doesn't understand whats going on, the person behind the camera speaks, and asks if maybe it's what she deserves. "You're not supposed to talk."

Commercial time. For a depression medication. "Nexus, a unique antidepressant that works to anchor you back to your reality. Or the reality of your choice."

Back in Westview. The boys are hanging at Agnes's. Billy has a rabbit. As happens at your crazy neighbor's house. But, he says he likes it there, because it's quiet. "You're quiet, Agnes. On the inside." J'ACCUSE, AGNES!  

Back at Monica's backup camp, she's getting suited up in her SWORD astronaut suit. Jimmy's sad because Darcy's missing the fun. But, Monica will rescue her. SWORD is worse than SHIELD for slapping their name all over everything.

Monica and the little rover zoom off to the hex. Should she really go that fast? Maybe this is something to take cautiously? Oh, and look, she hit it hard and she's stuck. The Hex doesn't want to let her in, but she keeps trying. And now the Hex is eating into the rover — sorry, *re-writing* it. Well that was a dumb plan. Sorry guys, but come on.

Monica escapes, but the hex eats the rover and then spits it out, the front half transformed into a truck. Monica is shocked, Jimmy calls for a medic, and as they run forward, Jimmy, who has known Monica for like two days, recognizes she's got 'I'm a heroic dummy' face on and he's all "noooooo!". She runs for the hex and pushes her way in.

This is a really long sequence of her going through the hex. Like … too long. Sorry, but it is. There's a whole thing where she's hearing voices from moments in her life, and she hears Carol tell her how she's a tough kid, and now Monica is Filled With Resolve and breaks through the Hex, still in her Astronaut outfit, so like she resisted the sitcom wardrobe department.

I enjoy this show, but there are moments of hokeyness that I find very trying.

The hex rewrites you at a basic level as you pass through it. So, third time through and Monica's eyes are glowy blue and she can, like, see electrical currents, or electromagnetic fields (it looks like). Trippy. She can see power along the power lines, fields around streetlights. Closing her eyes and shaking her head makes it all go away. Of course.

Meanwhile, Darcy and Vision are on their slow-speed getaway in the Funnel Cake truck. She's trying to catch him up on what's happened since he's been dead. They keep hitting red lights and obstacles. Vision thinks Wanda's doing it to keep him from getting home. "I'm not amused," he tells the camera with a very not amused face on. lol

Vision is trying to understand what he is now. It's not going well. "My corporeal form was born from Ultron's plan for global genocide?" "Correct-o." Darcy might not be the best person to be explaining this to him.

"What am I now?" Poor Vision.

Darcy takes a deep breath. In fairness, she looks like maybe she'd rather not be the one doing the explaining, either. "Honestly, I'm a STEM type of lady, so I thought she just flipped a switch on your head and brought you back to life. What I don't get is why you can't leave the hex."

Vision is having an existential crisis. But, Darcy assures him that based on her week-long experience as a fan of WandaVision, he and Wanda do really love each other. So, there's that. "You belong together," says the shameless shipper.

Meanwhile, Monica has arrived at the Maximoff residence and busts into the house, breathlessly trying to tell Wanda it's all Heyward being a dick, but Wanda's stunned by the sudden entry and then too pissed to really listen. "The drones, the missiles, Pietro." "No, Pietro wasn't us." "All you do is lie." She's tossing Monica around with her powers.

Monica, friend, buddy, pal, was that really your plan? To barge right in and just … what? Talk fast and hope she didn't yeet your ass again? Okay, she didn't have a lot of time, I get that, but surely she could have come up with something. Like, she should have found Darcy and Vision first, and then the three of them could approach Wanda. But, no. Jimmy Woo would have a plan, Monica.

Well, fortunately for Monica she's been rewritten into Electricity Lass. She hits the ground with a staticky crackle and her eyes glow blue again. Wanda's all "bu-whu?"

"The only lies I've told are the ones you put in my mouth," Monica says all angry like. Mmmkay, I thought you were trying to help? Wanda does not care for this response. Because, no offense Monica, but the last time she heard your voice, she had a missile launched at her head.

Monica challenges her. "Do it then, take me out." Not an approach I’d go for, but it seems to work, and Wanda hesitates and Monica tries to warn her again, that unlike Wanda who isn’t actually violent and evil, Heyward will burn down Westview to get what he wants. "Don't let him make you the villain."

"Maybe I already am."

Next door, Agnes is looking out the window, watching them, with a considering look on her face. BECAUSE SHE IS IN ON WHATEVER THIS IS.

Monica is still trying to talk down Wanda. Agnes interrupts. Creepily. And shepherds Wanda away.

Vision and Darcy are thwarted in their journey again. "Oh come on! Kids? What's next? Puppies?"

Vision takes the faster way and intangibles himself out of the van and flies off, leaving Darcy at the endless intersection. "Go on! I'll just meet you there then?"

Back at Agnes's shack of creepy ladies who are freaking up to something. Where are the boys? Oh, Wanda notices the half-eaten PB&Js and the nightmarish kids' show on the telly. Behind her the bunny is in its cage. No sign of the boys. Agnes says they're probably playing in the basement.

Wanda wanders off to find them. But, there are no boys, only horror show creepiness. The basement turns into some weird sort of domed cavern with arches all around and in the middle a weird glowing rectangle.

Agnes comes up behind her. "You didn't think you were the only magical girl in town, did you?" I was wise to you, Agnes. Which, given she was a featured co-star, was probably no great insight on my part. BUT STILL!

"The name's Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear." OH! LOLOLOL! OH, I didn't see that one coming. Wow, you got me, show. It never occurred to me for a second that it was Agatha Harkness.

And now a fantastic montage of Agatha doing tricksy things as Agnes through the series, with the best theme song ever "Who's been messing up everything? It's been Agatha, all along! Who's been pulling every evil string? It's been Agatha, all along. She's insidious. HA HA! So perfidious." Oh man, this is great. "And I killed Sparky, too."

LOL. Great ending.

Hey, an unexpected mid-credits scene of Monica trying to get into the house. Maybe Agnes's? Oh, yeah, she finds a storm cellar and opens the doors, to see a stone stairway with vines or roots growing all around it and zippy electrical sparks and such. Pietro appears behind her. "Snoopers gonna snoop."

Credits!

Well then.

I KNEW IT! I didn't know what I knew, but I knew I knew a thing!

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision liveblog

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

finally. i decided to do this. anyways hello there, i am jake and today i want to talk about something; you see, if you are in the tf2 fandom, you probably know about heavymedic. Wherther you are a hardcore gamer who resents f2p’s or a person that never played the game but has trillions of notes on their art- you know heavymedic exists and most of all you probably ship it.

And I find that weird. In the few fandoms in my life I have been in I had never seen a single ship be so widely if not shipped, then accepted. Sure, maybe everyone in the GF fandom knows what Billdip is - for better or for worse. Sure, maybe the HS fandom is 70% shipping.

But I have never ever seen such a phenomenon in a prominent multiplayer game fandom. A fandom, sadly, oftentimes filled with toxicity. Overwatch is very similar here - yet ships are either a hot topic of discussion or straight up ignored. But TF2? In here for whatever reason we ship these two mercenaries. And in this essay I will try and find a reason or two why is that.

Apologies for any mistakes or incoherency. English is not my first language, I need to ramble, and my vocabulary is all over the place.

Content warning: mentions of homophobia, blood, death, mentions of WLW fetishization, nsfw mention. Also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE TF2 COMICS.

Part 1: Canonical Evidence and Interactions

Let’s be honest: I could ramble about this one for days on end. But I’ll try and keep it short.

First and foremost we have the official videos. And of course the first thing that comes to mind is Meet the Medic.

At the very start of the part where Medic himself appears, we see him telling a joke about a particularly gruesome situation to Heavy.

He laughs along with him, visibly enjoying his company. He even smiles as he waits for another joke. Heavy only shows genuine fear a lot later.

And of course this damn scene always cracks me up. Medic slightly pinches Heavy’s cheek and strokes his lip gently (the other part is almost not noticeable unless you play the video at slow speed).

Of course we all know about the Hand Hold that happens somewhere halfway in the vid. I don’t think I have to explain the gayness in that. The fact their hands stay interlocked even after Medic helps Heavy up. The deep breath Medic takes because even he cannot handle the emotions. That few seconds is unresolved sexual tension manifest.

Overall the short shows a strong feeling of trust between these two. Medic confides in Heavy and reverse. Yeah he puts a baboon heart into his friend’s chest cavity but the fact (as proven at the end of the video) that Heavy was the first one to have an Ubercharge implanted into him shows that Medic at the very least considers him a lab rat.

I treat End of the Line as non-canonical, as do many others, and as such won’t discuss it here. But it will forever crack me up that Valve endorsed such levels of homoerotic subtext.

These two have some short moments in other videos, like for example in Invasion Heavy helps Medic up (CINEMATIC PARALLELS) but it’s nothing major so I guess I’ll skip forward.

Second is their interactions ingame. You might call me a weirdo for trying to find stuff in there but holy shit I have things to say and I’m going to say them.

You thought I was going to fanboy over the “i love this doktor” voiceline huh? Well not really. I wish these two had unique lines if they assist one another.

Heavy is literally listed on the official wiki as the “ideal medic buddy” and multiple pages on that exact wiki say some pretty interesting things.

I have to say something about the Gentleman’s Ushanka and/or Pocket Medic. They are both community cosmetics - but the fact they both got accepted by Valve says a lot. Above is text snipped from the actual wiki.

Last but not least: The Comics. Darned comics. The pair of mercenaries has basically no interaction - unless you count issue 6.

Heavy getting absolutely PISSED when Medic is killed by Ch*avy. Their reunion. Medic referring to Heavy by “my friend” in a totally straight way. Kind of sad Valve wasted an opportunity for them to hug. Maybe they knew their comic artist ships them and wanted to avoid having to answer the Question™.

Part 2: Dynamics

This part’s a bit trickier, mostly due to the reason that I’m new to this whole dynamic analysis thing. Yeah I’m good at spotting canonical evidence but very specific shipping dynamics often escape my gaze.

The most obvious one is Big Guy, Little Guy. Quoting the TVTROPES page:

[…] This trope describes a pair of guys who always fight together, are best friends forever, and quite often have a very obvious hierarchy: The little guy is often in charge […] The little guy is usually listed first, since he’s the leader, and they are always listed together, as if they are one entity. In fact, some episodes may center on the fact that they can’t live without each other. […] If this is a case of Brains and Brawn, the Big Guy is usually the Brawn, and the Little Guy the Brains. It’s almost never the other way around, but in some cases the Big Guy can be rather smart too. […]

A sub-type of this, a common favorite here on Tumblr is known as “small chaotic big calm” and hoo boy if that isn’t these two. I don’t really have much to say here - again I am not an expert.

Part 3: Fandom Impact

So you don’t think Red Oktoberfest (as Heavymedic is sometimes called) is super popular on anywhere else than Tumblr? Wrong.

It’s hard to find TF2 fics on Archive of Our Own not tagged with Heavy/Medic. Of course most of them only contain hints to their relationship but go in the main tf2 tag and I can guarantee you, you’ll gonna see “implied heavy/medic” all the time.

But these two go further than AO3 or Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. They are recognized even within the wider circle of the fanbase. Take this SFM, for example. (I am using the Saxxy Awards version of Secret Lives here mostly due to the fact that the Heavymedic moment is much gayer. In the normal version, the dialogue isn’t changed, but they simply hold hands.)

But it gets deeper. (WARNING: THE GAY MOMENT IN THIS ONE IS NSFW. NOT EXPLICITLY SO BUT JUST A HEADS UP TUMBLR PLEASE DO NOT FLAG ME)

And the best part? The comments are extremely positive. You’d expect hoards upon hoards of homophobes screeching but no, the comments are supportive. Even on places such as Reddit or Youtube, comments like “yeah they’re gay and in love” do not get downvoted/disliked to hell; in fact the opposite.

Part 4: Canon Status

Let’s be real. Most ships are shipped because people want to explore the dynamics in fanfic, fanart or something else. But Heavymedic is shipped because… well, I have no idea.

Actually, I kind of do - but only theories. You see, while the canonical evidence is here, the creators have never said anything about them. No confirmation, no disproval, no hinting, nothing.

But the ship is so prominent! There has to be something causing this!- you say. And to that I present you 2 theories on why Heavy/Medic is so popular.

Theory number 1 states that we simply all choose to interpret their interactions as homoerotic. And this is very easy to disprove - there’s simply no way we just collectively agreed on these matters out of nothing. There has to be something bigger.

And theory 2 states that, well, our interpretation is the desired interpretation. But this is even more ridiculous than theory 1 for a number of reasons. If they are in fact gay, why hasn’t Valve made them canon yet?

A Theoretical Scenario

I am going to ramble big time on this one, so buckle up lads. I’ll discuss a theoretical scenario in which, well, if that was not obvious, Valve confirms Heavymedic as canon. Maybe then we will see why they will probably never do so.

TF2 is considered by typical capital G, alt-right Gamers as a “non-political” game. This means no women (in the game itself, at least, and if even, sexy women only), no queer folk and no minorities (for some reason they accept Demoman but throw a fit if someone draws any other merc as not being pearl white). Team Fortress 2 was around before Gamergate and other things like Gamers Rise Up. It’s a classic and Valve is regarded as the good guy to Epic Game’s bad guy. If Valve did anything to confirm doubts, wherther it be clearing up popular fanon or confirming ships, these people would throw hands. (Although they seemed to ignore when one of the writers confirmed Miss Pauling is a lesbian. Huh.) Even those that don’t play TF2 would come to the aid of their bros.

Let me illustrate with two very similar examples. In both cases these confirmations were the first made by the company as a whole, both are fairly recent and both confirm a character as gay.

First we have the confirmation of Tracer from Overwatch as a lesbian. It was done in one of OVW’s comics. Tracer is the FACE of Overwatch as a whole and while most of the fanbase accepted it (thankfully the Gamers are reluctant to infest ow), some people threw what I can only describe as a hissy fit. At least her girlfriend’s a background character.

Second is Neeko from League of Legends. Unlike Tracer she was added a while before it was confirmed she was gay. LOL is much more toxic and filled with Gamers than OW and holy shit people smeared LOL so much.

Of course these are not accurate to Heavy/Medic. In both of the cases I listed it was girls being wlw and we all know how much cisgender heterosexual gamers LOVE yuri porn. Apparently only girls can be gay because they can jack off to it - if it’s two guys then it’s disgusting. Nevertheless I think these are good approximations - in every case the company gets “shat on” on social media and other sites. With the community that Valve has, I think even if they wanted them to be gay, they would never ever confirm it.

Conclusion

I’m sorry for that ending. I had to theorize a bit. Regardless I’d love if you shared this on other sites, reblogged or whatever - I wasted at least 1 and a half hours of my life on it. Feel free to cite this as a source if someone asks you why you ship the big heavy weapons expert and the feral battle medic.

#my post #text post #tf2 #medic #heavy #heavymedic #long post

[fliroye]

Riding Leviathan

[incorrect Obey Me Quote #1]

Author's note: My very first complete drabble! Newbie to writing so I don't have much experience sorryy (つω`｡)n

Tags: text misunderstanding, leviachan with a crush on MC

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Well, at least his Henry would. The second, a-anyways. The fish that always stick by his side, listening to the blue-haired demon drabble on his fantasies with Ruri-chan, TSL, and such. (Maybe not that it wants to, but shushh) He never properly interacted with anyone properly, with his brothers only small comments. Until you came along.

You always stick up for him, listening to his ridiculous complaints. You, a normie, playing a game with the only Leviachan. You, a human, cosplaying and taking roles to binge every anime with him. You, an exchange student, always checking up on him to make sure he's doing okay. You, his only friend, brings a smile to his lips whenever he sees your texts displayed on his screen.

The screen of his D.D.D. suddenly lits up. It seems like a text message from his annoying group chat, consisting of all residents of the House of Lamentations. It seems as they were on another of those ridiculous topics again, with Asmo, you and Satan as the main gossipers, usually Lucifer ending the conversation. He turned off his ringtone in annoyance, before another message from the group arrived. It was from you. Wait, /you?/

Levi logged into the chat faster than when he snipped of a team of noobs he played against. They were pretty easy to beat, and with the god like skills of his they were out in a fraction of a second. That's just to compare and show off what he could do, he's got better places to be. Anyways.

It seems you were on some kind of... human world entertainment? The amusement parks seemed quite an attraction to you, seeing the brothers have been listening to you ramble for the past HOUR. It was of this place called Six Flags; from what the texts read it seems humans has taken quite a liking to them. Rides, games and carnival-like entertainments were never Levianthan's thing, but if it makes you happy, he would go to end of the world to go with you. (Fantasies, fantasies.)

You: Those rides are great! The excitement is surreal, trust me.

Belphegor: Are they similar to carnival rides? Like in circuses?

Mammon: Betcha they make a truckload of money, don't cha think?

Satan: I wonder if they could top Devildom's though...

It's true; a wonderland for demons isn't something you should be looking down on. Last time you've been there, Mammon clinged to you like a newborn pup. Levi, on the other hand, had to sit in the far rear of the car. Watching the scene could only build up his envy.

As you continued to ramble on, the topic changed to your favourites. You were intensely describing every feeling, every wonders of the rides when-

Beelzebub: Which one do you like best, y/n?

You: Best? Hm... if I have to choose one, I'll definitely ride Leviathan!

Wait, Levianthan?

Oh no.

No one knew what came first, Mammon's screams or

Leviathan crashing over his computers. The sounds, luckily, did not reach past your door, as you continued to puzzle over why none of the brothers had texted back yet. Their usually debonair conversations froze in tracks. Asmodeus, the fifth brother, was the first to break the silence;

Asmodeus: Eh?! You slept with a yucky holed-up otaku before sleeping with such a beloved jewel like me?! How unfair!

You: WHAT? What are you talking about-

Hell's fire could have been no match to the deep crimson shades dusting on Levi's cheeks. The countless hentais shows he've seen gave him enough imagery to lock into his mind forever. His quivering hand reached out onto the D.D.D., messily typing a message:

Leviathan: I-I guess it's a-alright... i-if you want-

Mammon: OH NO YOU DON'T!

Asmodeus: Look at him go again... just plain jealousy...

Mammon: EH?! You call THE Mammon jealous?! N-no way!

You: What are you guys talking about-

Oh. You screwed up didn't you.

Frantically, you explained to the brothers that you've been referring to a roller coaster ride. The name was Leviathan, with the feeling to gliding through water when you ride. The brothers released the breaths held inside their lungs. At least it wasn't a topic Asmo was interested with.

Levi got on his chair, shaking his head. Luckily for him it was all a misunderstanding, or he would be living in shame the rest of your time at Devildom. Nevertheless, he can't help but feel a little bit sad. You only just see him as a friend, and nothing more. He knew he should be grateful, for such a lovely being to be close with such a disappointment like him. He signed before shutting off his monitors, and climbing on bed.

Well, at least he'll have something to fantasies about that night.

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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *insert me w/ blowhorn vibing in the background*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBY!!!

☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

Afsjskasasiwbsi I'm so so sorry I couldn't draw a birthday appreciation post for Levii :(( I've been really busy with schoolwork lately and I could only provide u thiss,, Hope it's enough lol. Enjoy the day my dudes

Credits to my seme dad (@_.crimson_rose._) on IG for Asmo's horny lines; also to @noodlesodyssey on IG for telling me about Six Flags.

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Also, have a pic of Leviathan the ride if you are wondering.

[kara-dolan]

This Can’t Be Real

A/N- Okay so the Coachella fic is taking forever so I whipped this up because I was inspired by a lot of shows and music and yeah lol. There is a tag with my friends artwork in it leading to his insta and yeah.  I would like to say Shawn’s character is not in anyway shape or form Shawn Mendes he looks nothing like Shawn. Michael Ealy is who I actually thought about while writing Shawn’s character. Sorry it’s short but it is something I think people will enjoy.

Summary- You were studying late with friends at the library when the night takes an unexpected twist. A mysterious man appears and you just don’t know where the night will take you.

Warning- Horror? Creepy? Fluff?

Word Count- 1,978

“I don’t know when I will be home mom.” I say walking to my car. “The study group wants to pull an all-nighter, so we will be at the library all night most likely.” I explain getting in my car to find one of my literature text books. “Okay, okay. I will call in the morning to let you know I am fine. I love you. Bye.” I rushed to hang up. I found the book I was looking for and started to lock the up my car when I heard something behind me. ‘Don’t be the dumb bitch in the horror movie. Just get back to the library and fast.’ I turned on my heel and started to head back towards the entrance. “Hey!” Someone called out and I stopped immediately. “You dropped this.” He said gently touching my shoulder handing me the thesis outline. “Oh, uh thanks. Guess I wasn’t really paying attenti-” I faltered once I saw him and our hands touched which sent electricity through my body. “No problem.” He smirked “I’m Grayson.” He introduced himself. “Oh, I’m… Y/N.” I respond hesitantly, his smile made my heart flutter, but the front door of the library snapped my attention away from him “Y/N! Come on we’ve been waiting for you!” one of the people in the group shouted to me. I turn back to apologize to Grayson, but he wasn’t there, “Okay, I’m coming!” I yell back to them rolling my eyes. I ran up the steps looking behind me once before I went in seeing my car and 3 others in an empty dark parking lot with only street lights lighting the area. I went back inside past the stacks to the group. I set my stuff down handing the outline to Danny who was the editor of the group. We all were tired and annoyed about having to be here, me less than everyone else mainly because I found comfort in the library. “Took you long enough.” Michael scoffed. “Sorry. I got distracted, and my mom called. I told you guys I couldn’t be here all night, but she said it was fine. My brother showed up to help out for the weekend.” I explained pushing my hair out of my face. “I thought your brother had training this week?” Lydia asked. “He did but he got out of it. He’s being trained to be the CEO of a major corporation all he needs to do is say whatever he wants, and he’ll get it.” I answered her while I sat down. She nodded looking a little hurt “Did he make plans with you and cancel again? That asshole, I swear Y/B/N needs to get his shit together.” I say annoyed. “Enough of the girl talk. The only reason we are here is for the term paper.” Danny growled out. “Aww is poor Daniel not getting laid enough?” Michael teased. “Michael shut the fuck up. We don’t want to be here anymore than you do.” Lydia whisper shouted at him. “Hey, can you guys maybe quiet down there is 4 other people here who have complained about the fighting.” The librarian whispered to us. “Yeah sorry Shawn.” I apologized, “Great thanks. Um… Y/N… can I talk to you for a minute its about the question you asked me the other day.” He asked me. “Uh… Yeah sure.” I say while getting nudge by Lydia with a smirk on her face. I rolled my eyes at her and walked away from the group with Shawn, “Okay so remember how you asked me to keep a look out for the ‘Saphilak, Manuscript of Eternal Rest’?” He asked me, and I nodded. “I found it. One of my friends was traveling around Europe this week and she found it technically, anyways it is still pristine condition and arrived last night.” He explained. “Oh my gosh Shawn. That’s amazing. I have heard the stories on it and researched it for years and I have always come up empty handed but then again I have never left the country” I rambled until he interrupted “Do you want me to go get it and let you read it or do you want to keep talking about it?” He chuckled. “Obviously I want to read it. Please, go get it?” I plead while pushing him towards his office. A few minutes later he came jogging out of the office with the lost manuscript, “Oh my gosh. Shawn, this is incredible.” I say running my hands over the old parchment. “Thank you. This means so much to me.” I looked at him and he was already staring at me. “Lock the fucking doors!” Someone screamed out. “What the fuck?” Shawn said running to the front, I followed behind holding the manuscript. “Grayson?” I asked cocking an eyebrow, “Hey. Okay we need to barricade and lock all doors any entrances and exists windows too. Ethan! They fucking followed!” He ordered and then screamed out. “Fuck, okay. Everyone start gathering furniture and pin it against the door and windows!” The guy who I assume is Ethan yelled out while grabbing a chair piling it against the door. “Grayson, what’s going on?” I asked grabbing his shoulder, “You know this guy?” Shawn questioned me. “Not really and not now Shawn.  Grayson. Answer me. Please?” I begged brushing Shawn off. Grayson grabbed my hand sending electricity through my body and pulled me away from everyone into the abandoned stacks, “Whoa.” I gasped. “Yeah, look I know you don’t know me Y/N but trust me when I say we need to lock ourselves in. There isn’t time to explain I promise I will explain but after we secure the building.” He brushed his thumb across my cheek and I nodded. “Okay… I trust you.” I said as chills went down my spine. “Good.” He smiled, “Y/N, come here I need to talk to you and now.” Lydia called me over. I pulled away from Grayson and gave him a sad smile while going to Lydia “What?” I asked her, “Who is that? I thought you and Shawn… Ya know have a thing.” I laughed “Me and Shawn are friends. That’s it.” I explained, “Does he know that?” she said and walked away. I looked over to Shawn stacking chairs against the door along with everyone in the library. I walked over to one of the windows and peaked out, the entire parking lot was emerged in thick black smoke with figures moving through out it. I backed away and ran to the back exit to lock it on my way there I put the manuscript behind the front desk, “Y/N, where are you going?” Michael questioned. “Back door we need to lock it and start blocking it!” I yelled while running down the stairs. I spotted movement outside of the door but locked it before whatever it was had a chance to open it. It saw me, and I saw it. It was hideous, it seemed to have no eyes. The opening of its mouth, rimmed with sharp fangs ready to just devour and rip any living thing into shreds. A set of horns aligning the top of his head, a mane made from tentacles. The creature was tall and muscular, walked on its two hind legs but had four limbs with claws attached. It had a tail that split in two making it seem as it could whip and lash and strangle anything that came near it, to make matters worse the creature moved as if it was hovering even though it had two sets of wings, all tattered and torn. When I saw it I couldn’t move, I was frozen. My breath caught in my throat and I could feel myself suffocating. The thing slamming its self against the door screeching made me jump out of my paralyzed state. I ran upstairs to everyone else. “We need to block the door now!” I screamed running in grabbing a desk.  Everyone exchanged a worried look except Grayson and Ethan who immediately followed by grabbing what they could, “Don’t just stand there grab shit and start blocking the doors!” Shawn yelled at them. It took about 5 minutes to fully secure the back exit and make it back upstairs to start closing the blinds on every window. I was starting to calm down when Lydia screamed so loud I am shocked she didn’t shatter anything, “Lydia what’s wrong?” I asked. “There’s no service.” She sunk to the floor, “I’m not worried about the fucking service as much as I am worried about what’s outside right now! You have no idea what is out there! I fucking saw it and it saw me, it fucking saw me… I don’t want to feel that ever again…” I struggled to get out with tears clouding my vision. Grayson pulled me into his chest stroking my hair hushing me, “E, take care of them. I got to talk to Y/N.” He whispered while draping his arm over my shoulder guiding me towards the computer area. “What the hell are they Grayson? I- I’ve never seen anything like that… and… the fact that I couldn’t move… I wanted to run or scream or something, but it wouldn’t let me. What kind of thing could do that?” I choked out with tears now rolling down my face. He wiped my tears away with a remorseful look on his face, “They’re called Vruma’s. A Vruma uses fear to paralyze their prey or to mark their target. After being paralyzed they eat everything except the blood. The blood is just everywhere after.” He explained looking away from me. “What do they want Grayson?” I asked with my bottom lip trembling with fear that I already knew the answer.  “We don’t know. All we know is they were sent here to collect something and whatever it is we can’t let them get ahold of.” He said while clenching his jaw. “We? Meaning… you and Ethan, right?” I asked him. “Yeah… and hopefully you…” he said turning back to me taking my hands in his “Why do I feel like I know you? Like really know you, as if I could throw myself off any building and I know you would catch me.” I say gazing into his eyes. He gulped, “Y/N…” he started taking his hands in mine rubbing his thumbs over my hands. His hands were soft and calloused “Gray. You got to get up here people are asking questions that I don’t think they need answers on.” Ethan barged in saying causing Grayson to stand dropping my hands. I sighed and stood up wiping my palms against my dark green joggers, “I’m gonna go try to find some information on these Vruma things.” I interjected while pulling my hair up into a messy bun. “There isn’t any information on them. They aren’t of this world.” Ethan expressed.  “Maybe not by the name of Vruma, but there may be some lure on them with a different name.” I retorted, and he responded by rolling his eyes. “Y/N there won’t be any. Ethan and I have looked for it for it. There is only one book on them, but it’s been lost for centuries.” Grayson explained. “How do you know? How did you guys even come across this? How did you-” I was interrupted by Grayson’s lips on mine. “You ask to many questions.” He said while smiling, “Maybe I should ask more.” I thought out loud which made him chuckle pulling away. The lights started flickering before completely going out and shattering, “Gray… if they can shatter the lightbulbs what stops them from shattering the windows?” I ask slowly trying to have my eyes adjust to the dark. A scream emerged from the lobby of the library after I said that.

To be continued…

A/N-  Shoutout to @dtwritings​ for helping me describe the Vruma. I don’t see a lot of horror stuff involving the twins and like I have been watching some shows I adore that has this aspect and I read books like this so I am sorry this is sort of a first for me but hopefully it gets better and more interesting later on in it.

And for those who didn’t click the link in the fic this is what the Vruma looks like

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan x reader #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan smut #ethan dolan smut #horror #creepy #I honestly am just testing the waters with this #Vruma #dolan twins tuesday #dolan twins fandom #dolan fanfic

[iluvmyogblog]

Roommates, Routines and Best Friends

A/N: can u guys believe how emotional AIW is..... anyways. i hope u guys enjoy this. i feel like about two more parts until the end ;( oh and remember my crush that liked me back??? yea well he ghosted me lol if theres typos, so sorry. if i forgot to tag u, L M K <3 god, seb is a dream

Summary: (AU) being roommates with the infamous womanizer Bucky Barnes is tough, especially when all he does is bring home different girls every night and complain about you and your choice of men. masterlist.

Words: 3802

Warnings: im so sad but im laughin

Roommates, Routines and Best Friends: Just Call

“I’m just saying, (y/n). Maybe you should talk to Steve again. It’s been two weeks. Maybe the two of you just needed space. It’s not like Steve didn’t care for you. He obviously did. He kept that information from you because he loves you, (y/n),” your best gal pal explained. You sigh softly and swirl the strawberry wine in your glass.

“He hurt me, M,” you say softly. She nods, extending her legs over your lap.

“I know he did. But you hurt him too. You realize that, right?” She did have a point. You did hurt him. It doesn’t seem as excessive to you but maybe it hurt him just as much.

“Maria, you’re right but i don’t think I can talk to him right now. He just.. i don’t know. If I talk to him, I know I’ll just go back and pretend none of this happened.”

Maria sighs and gets off the sofa. You follow her into the kitchen and hand her your glass for a refill. She shrugs and pops open a new bottle of wine. “Well will you please talk to one of them?”

It was your turn to shrug. You didn’t know what to tell either of them. You were sad about Steve. Mad, even. But you didn’t know how you felt about the Bucky situation. It felt like you were just a big burden in both of their lives. And maybe they’d do better without you. Yeah, you missed them but that didn’t mean all was forgiven. So you did what you always do; avoid the conversation.

Who would you even talk to first? If you spoke to Steve first, were you kind of betraying Bucky in a way? You didn’t even apologize to Bucky for being a bitch to him before. Blaming him for everything. Everything that was caused by Steve. You sighed and pushed those thoughts away.

On the other side of town, Bucky was feeling down. He was always feeling down now. It was normal for him. All of his usual morning routines dissipated. He woke up whenever he wanted. He went out with whoever paid him attention. He hated it. Absolutely hated it. Everyone was temporary in his life. The only constant he did have was you and Steve. He missed his friends beyond words. But were they even friends anymore?

“I don’t know man, it’s just crazy. How this all happened. I say just call them and be like, ‘look, guys. Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be frie-“

“Scott, seriously,” Bucky interrupts his good friend. Scott snorts and throws his arms up, obviously confused as to why his beautiful singing was cut off.

“I’m just saying, dude. Calm down, pal.” Scott begins to kick out his feet on the coffee table and cross his arms behind his head. “Call up this girl, and text your friend an apology.”

Bucky laughs and claps. “Good one, Lang. You crack me up.” Scott rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at the tall brunette. Bucky quickly catches it and tosses it back onto the sofa. Scott quickly gets up and grabs the home phone. It was your genius idea to get a land line.

“Buck, please? Please please please,” you pleaded as you got down on your knees.

“No. Absolutely not. You come in here, start redecorating my living room. Start recording Grey’s Anatomy on my tv. And you want a phone with an answering machine ‘cause you never had one? I’m sorry, who do you think you are?”

You groan and roll your eyes. “You’re the worst roommate ever. I don’t even know why I try to be friends with you.”

Bucky sighs and watches you place your hands on the sofa cushions, pulling yourself back up to your feet. Your hair was in a side braid and your nails were painted this deep red he kind of liked. You huff out a breath and walk into the kitchen, far away from the man sitting on the sofa. He continues to watch you tip toe, trying to reach for the bag of chips he bought. He groans softly and walks over to you, swiftly taking the bag down from the top shelf. “Okay.”

You snatch the bag out of his hand and knit your eyebrows together, looking up at him. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, we’ll get you your stupid answering machine.”

Your eyes twinkle. “Really? Are you just screwing with me, Barnes?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “I’m being genuine here, (y/l/n).”

You throw the bag of chips onto the counter and leap into your roommates arms. “You’re the best.”

You caught him off guard. After all, this was y’all’s first “hug”. You had only moved in three weeks ago. It took him a few minutes to hug you back, but he did. And when he did, he really hugged you. His strong arms wrapped around your body perfectly. And you couldn’t think of anyone who gave better hugs. After you guys went to buy the phone, you set up the machine and persuaded Bucky to say a line with you.

“Hello, you’ve reached the household of-,”

“,-shouldn’t it be apartment?”

“Shut up,” you whispered back, “the household of (y/n) and-“

Bucky watches the red light blink, completely forgetting he had to be saying something. You nudge his shoulder. “Hi, I’m Bucky.”

You groan and put your hands over your face. “James,” you sighed. He looks at you confused as hell. “We gotta do it again.”

It was his turn to groan. “This is exactly why I didn’t wanna get-,” he says, his voice fading away as he walks into his room. You quickly catch up to him and drag him back into the living room. After two more hours, you finally had a ...decent message.

“Hey, you’ve reached (y/n) and the most handsome guy- ow, and Bucky. Sorry, we must be sleeping or something. Call- okay bye,” his voice made yours seem extremely chipper and annoying, his voice was so monotone.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asked as he watched Scott press random numbers on the phone.

“Honestly, Buckaroo, I have no clue,” he says as he scrolls through contacts. “You guys have a home phone but don’t have your own numbers saved? What kind of- y’all are weird. Why even have a ph-“

“I get it.”

“I’m just saying,” Scott mumbles.

“She’s... she’s under doll. You’re looking for her contact right?”

Scott’s mouth shapes into an ‘o’ form as he slowly leans back into the cushions, looking up at his friend. “I was... just gonna order some Chinese food.. but.. like, if you want me to call her- I will.” Bucky’s cheeks turn a hot red. He huffs out a breath and rolls his eyes, walking into the kitchen.

“Do you want me to call her,” Scott yells.

“No,” Bucky says immediately. Scott sighs and mumbles a ‘yeah, you do’ as he clicks on your contact name. Scott holds in a laugh.

“He seriously put your number as doll. Who calls anyone doll anymore?”

“Lang, what are you saying over there,” Bucky asks from the kitchen.

“Huh? Oh, just asking if you want some oranges.”

“Oranges? Do I want or do I have?”

“What? Oh, nothing. Never mind,” he laughs nervously. He clicks on Doll and hears the beeping noise, then comes the ring. Bucky went back to rummaging through the cabinets for snacks.

“Hello,” Scott hears a sweet voice through the phone.

“Wow. That’s a nice voice,” he says quietly.

“I’m sorry, what was that? Who’s this?”

“Oh, oh right. This is Scott. I’m B- I’ll take orange chicken and some ramen. Hey, you want anything?,” he quickly says as Bucky walks into the living room. Bucky grabs the phone from Scott’s hands and brings it up to his ear.

“I’ll take three egg rolls. Do you guys have those.. um those little crunchy things with cheese in the middle?”

“Umm.. Cream Cheese Rangoon’s,” the voice on the other line asks.

“Yeah! Yeah those. I’ll take three orders of those and go ahead and add some sweet and sour sau-“

“That sounds really good but I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.” Bucky knits his eyebrows together and looks back at Scott. A nervous Scott who’s eyes are scanning the room.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“This is (y/n)... and last time I checked, I work at a coffee shop. Not a Chinese restaurant,” you giggle. “But hey, order me some egg rolls too.”

“It’s.. oh.. um yeah. Okay,” Bucky quickly says and hangs up. He sends death glares at Scott.

“Hey, man look. Hear me out. Didn’t it feel nice to hear her voice? She has a really pretty voice. Like I’ve honestly never heard a more prettier voic- woah woah, sit down, Buck,” Scott says as he leaps over the back of the sofa.

“What the hell, man? You called her? I told you not to,” Bucky growls. Scott holds up his hands and let’s out a quick laugh.

“I’m sorry. But did you or did you not like hearing her voice?” Bucky’s face relaxes, his shoulders fall back.

“Not the point,” he mumbled.

“Dude... call her back, man. You won’t regret it. I promise,” Scott says softly. Bucky nods and turns his attention back to the phone thrown on the sofa. He hesitates to pick it up, resulting in his friend jogging over and handing it to him personally. “It’s dialing.”

“Shit. Okay. Alright,” Bucky says nervously as he brings the phone back up to his ear.

“Hello,” you say questionably, a hint of joy in your voice. Bucky’s chest swelled up at the sound and familiarity of your voice.

“Hey,” he says softly. On the other side of the line, you knit your eyebrows and pull the phone away from your ear, placing it on speaker so Maria can hear.

“Hi.” Maria stifles laughter and leans in closer.

“Hi, I’m- I’m sorry about before. My friend told me it was a Chinese restaurant and so I started rambling.”

You laugh, your heart speeding up at the sound of this guys voice. “No problem. Although, you kind of made my friend and me a little hungry. I think you owe us some Chinese food now.”

He laughs, your heart leaps. This laugh. It was so familiar. Like you knew it. You stop laughing and stare at the unsaved phone number. You glance at Maria who looks back at you with a confused look in her eyes. “(Y/n)...”

“James,” you say softly. Maria’s eyes go wide.

“Hey,” he says with the same softness.

“Why are you calling me,” you ask.

“Why are you still talking to me?”

“I can hang up if you wan-“

“(Y/n), please don’t. I just, how are you? How’s Steve?”

You don’t say anything. You just stare at Maria. ‘Talk’ she mouths. You shake your head. She nods, encouraging you to speak. “Um...I- we.. I gotta go.” You quickly hang up and throw your phone at the sofa in front of you. You hold Maria’s glare and shake your head.

Scott stares at Bucky with a smile. “What’s she saying?”

Bucky doesn’t turn around. He lets the phone fall onto the sofa. He shrugs and walks towards the front door. “She hung up. Bye, Scott.”

“Wha- woah man. You don’t gotta kick me out. If you’re sad, we can talk it out.”

“I’m not sad, Lang. I’m tired. Come back later. Or don’t. But if you do, bring some damn Chinese food,” he shoves Scott out the front door and slams it shut, leaving a dumbfounded Scott questioning what he did wrong.

That night, you and Bucky laid awake in bed. Tossing and turning. Not seeming to find a comfortable position. Your mind begins to drift.

It was raining. And for some strange reason, the rain didn’t seem to make you drowsy. It just made you restless. And that stupid exam you had to take at 9 am was teasing you. You groaned and threw a pillow off your bed. You violently stuff your face into a pillow and scream.

You didn’t hear the knock on your door. You didn’t hear the footsteps approaching your bed. But you did feel the hand on your shoulder. You quickly turn around and kick the person away from you, screaming. “Woah, hey. Doll, it’s me. Relax,” the shadow said. You didn’t listen.

“James,” you screamed as you stumbled over to your bedroom door, hoping your roommate would come to your rescue.

“(Y/n), shut up,” the shadow says. You flick the light on and your eyes land on your annoying roommate. You groans and pick up that pillow you threw, throwing it right back at him. He chuckles and catches it, easily. “It’s just me.”

“What the hell, James? You’re so annoying. What are you doing? Get out,” you say as you climb back into your bed.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said, throwing himself on your bed. You roll your eyes and turn your face away from him.

You pull the sheets over your head and shrug. “Me either,” you mumble into your pillow. Buck sighs and looks at you. Your hair was a mess. But that pretty mess Bucky soon grows to like. “Turn off the light,” he hears you say.

Bucky gets up and walks over to your light switch, flicking it off. You feel the spot next to you sink in and a cool breeze of air runs down your back as Bucky pulls the blankets over him. You turn around and scoot closer to him, embracing his warmth. This became normal for you two. Whenever you or Bucky couldn’t sleep, you’d go over to his room or vice versa. It benefited you both.

You could almost feel his arms around your waist and the smell of his hair. It consumed you. He could almost hear your soft snores and feel your soft breath hit his chest. You’d kill to go back to those days. Before you met Steve. Before you fell so hard for Steve. But if Steve was Bucky’s best friend, maybe it was fate that you met Steve. Regardless, you’d meet him either way, right?

There was a knock on your door. “Hey, (y/n). There’s someone at the door for you,” Maria says in a raspy voice.

“What? Who,” you ask as you throw the blanket off of your body, swinging your legs off the bed. Your feet land in your fluffy slippers and you hug your body. It was always so cold in Maria’s house.

She mumbles something but then walks away and disappears into her room. ‘Who the hell could be here for me? I’m so sleepy.’

You sigh and grab a throw from on top of the sofa and wrap it around your body. You tip toe and try to peep through the peephole but you’re way too short to even reach. You groan and unlock the door again, opening it.

Your eyes land on a chest. You heart begins to race as your eyes roam up to his face. You inhale a breath and look into his blue eyes. You open your mouth to say something. And he opens his to say something too.

“Um, you first,” you whisper.

“No, you first,” he whispers back.

His heart was racing so fast. It was leaping out of his chest. God, he missed your face. He missed your face so much. And him standing right here in front of you made you realize just how much you’ve missed his too. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For everything. For all of this.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Your parents. Come home, please,” he grabs your hands. His big hands trapped your tiny ones in them. You did miss this. You really did. You sighed and pulled your hands back to you, bring them up to your chest.

“Steve... it’s not that easy,” you said softly. He sighed and ran his hands down his face. “Look, I-”

Your phone starts ringing. You sigh and let Steve in, closing the door behind him. “You gonna get that?”

“No, i’m talking to you,” you say. This was a conversation that needed to be said. The two of you didn’t bother turning on a light. Ironically, there was lightening outside. So the room was a little bit lit. The soft pitter patter of rain on the window filled the silence.

“I’m a dick. I know. You didn’t deserve any of the shit I did to you. If I could take it back, I would. But there’s a part of me that wouldn’t.”

You look at him in confusion, a little bit of anger. “You wouldn’t?”

“No. I would not. You know why? Because I think meeting you was the best day of my life. I don’t know if I would’ve met you if it wasn’t for Sam. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m so glad it didn’t work out with him. I’m fucking selfish. I want you all to myself. And i did anything I could to make sure that happened but I still fucked up. And I am so sorry. I love you. I love yo-”

The house phone began to ring. You sighed and walk over to the phone, quickly pressing the automatic machine. Almost immediately, there was a beep signaling a new message. You roll your eyes and turn your attention back to Steve. He looks at you with those sad eyes of his. “Steve, I don’t know what to sa-”

A knock on the front door interrupts your words. Maria emerges from her room again and opens her front door. “James, hey. What are...”

“I need to talk to (y/n),” he says softly. Maria shakes her head in confusion, her sleeping mask resting on her forehead.

“How did you know she was here,” she asks.

“Maria, come on. Earlier on the phone, I heard you laugh. Then I went to Steve’s and noticed her car wasn’t there. So... can I please talk to her,” he asks again. She sighs and gives him an apologetic look.

“Buck, she’s... Steve’s here.” 

You stopped talking to Steve and glanced down the hallway. You got up and walked over towards the front door, calling out Maria’s name. You see her shut the door, locking it.

“Who was it,” you ask, startling her.

“Jesus, (y/n). It was some person,” she waves off. You heart races. Your body begins to feel jittery. Ignoring your friend, you rush to the front door and unlock it, quickly stepping into the Hall. You look to the right and then left, catching a glimpse of a tall brunette. Your heart does that achy feeling. You rush down the hall and call out the name James. Sighing disappointingly when he turns around, realizing it wasn’t who you thought it was. 

“So if that were James, what would you have done?” A voice says from behind you. You jump up and turn around. Coming face to face with Steve.. again. You shrug. 

“I don’t know, Steve. I don’t know.” He nods and tucks his hands in his pocket. He clenches his jaw and scans your face. He notices the tears at the brim of your eyes. 

“(Y/n)... I thought you were over that.” You scoff and brush past him. Your eyes roam to the end of the hall. You stop in your tracks as you see that pretty face walking towards you. His sad eyes staring into yours. You inhale a shaky breath and slowly walk towards him. You stop, remembering Steve was right behind you. You glance back to Steve who was already sending glares at James. You sigh softly and look back up to James. 

“Hey doll,” he says softly. 

You swallow away your feelings and shake your head. “What are you doing here, James?” 

“I don’t.. I don’t know. I left you a message. I think I said why I was coming... or how I knew.. I don’t know. I just-“ 

“You just can’t seem to stay out of our relationship, can you,” Steve blurts out, walking closer. You feel Steve wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you behind him. Bucky chuckles and shakes his head. 

“Steve, I didn’t come here to argue. I came here to talk to-“ 

“My girlfriend? Yeah. That’s obvious.” 

“I’m not your girlfriend, Steve.” Bucky furrows his eyebrows and looks back up at Steve. Steve looks back down at you, completely forgetting Bucky was right there. 

“(Y/n), can we please just... just talk about this. I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean any of that-“ 

“You still did it, Steve. Look, I’m sorry. But you guys have to leave.” You quickly say as you walk back into Maria’s apartment. You shut the door, lock it and slide yourself down the door. You hear muffled voices, a few steps getting further away. It sounded like one of them stayed behind though. The pair of footsteps outside the door paced back and forth before a small note slipped under your door. It was a colorful sticky note. A light blue one. You sniffle and wait until the steps reside. You grab the sticky note and hold it in your hand, your eyes reading the words. ‘I couldn’t sleep. Funny, it was raining that night too.’

‘That night’ was underlined. Emphasized. The beep on the answering machine kept echoing throughout the living room. “I left you a message,” his voice echoes. You quickly stand up and rush over to the machine. You click the button. “Maria, ignore this if she isn’t there but.. Doll, I miss you. I miss you so damn much. And I can’t stop thinking about you. And there’s no more milk. Can you believe that? I’m a mess without you here. I need- want.. need. I need to talk to you. I went to Steve’s. No one was there. So I’m hoping y’all are at Maria’s. I’ll probably get my ass handed to me,” he chuckles nervously, “but shit, I need to see you. And him too. I miss you guys. And I-“ 

“you have 0 new messages,” the machine says. A stream of hot tears roll down your cheeks. This wasn’t easy. It wasn’t fair. To anyone. Especially the guys. But you still picked up the phone. You still dialed that number. You anticipated what he’d say. Was he mad at you? At himself? Could he forgive you? Would he? Would you forgive him? “Hey,” you say softly through the phone. You hear him let out a breath and inhale one too. “I’m.. I’m sorry,” you say softly. 

“Don’t be,” his raspy voice cooed, “don’t be sorry for anything.”

— — —

OH MY GOSH I REALLY LIKED THIS. Honestly the whole Chinese food part was improvised. It’s 2 am and i am CRAVVVING CHINESE.

tag(s): @coal000 / @goldenstateof / @cherrywinedarling / @justahappylilblog / @faakelanadelrey / @juicyqueenlme / @ourdreamsrealized / @boyzines / @bornfortherainydays /@fightmeandmy100fandoms / @deadpoolgirl23 / @bethanyv10 / @ilovethings-somuch / @spidey-linquentimagines / @lilypalmer1987 / @gravity-9-8 / @vivianbabz / @imeannooffensebabybut / @queendade / @irepeldirt / @petals-overdaisies / @warishaadnan / @sweetmockingbird / @loki7ms / @chickennacho1 / @dakotacheyennee / @starkxpotts / @sighscassidyy / @jellzu / @krockszz / @lowkeysebby /  @chuckennuggets1213 / @wowbarnes /  @eccentric-impulses / @dugan365 / @frackinawesomeninja / @cosmetologynerd / @straight–on-til-morning / @sophiealiice /  @barnes-and-noble-girl / @satans-knitting-club / @grosskyjaja /  @xunicornwhovianx / @evetheplum / @cravingmustardraventt5-bb / @dedicated-fangirl-forever /  @sarahp879 / @fandomlover03bands-and-shietz / @wintersoldierbarnes / @keepyoureyesopenwide / @i-am-moody-yes-i-am / @fandoms-will-collide / @xcyber-queenx / @ly–canthrope / @kimskew / @mala-firebringer / @crazyjam-pot / @emotionlessteenblog / @piensa-bonito / @little-miss-headphones / @loricamebacklunacajun / @bisexualmotherfucker / @iamtrashsry / @vxidnik / @sergeant-james-bbarnes / @prussianengel / @alina-barnes / @mythrealfan / @darthestvaderever / @caitlyn1030 / @elleatrixlestrange/ @wintersoldiercomics / @letmebeyoursforever / @spidersholland / @directionerfae / @sweetlifeofadreamer / @gonnadiereading / @who-the-hell-is-sebastianstan​ / @whataloadofmalarkey​ / @iwishiwasnicki / @alittle-crazy​ / @turdblossommm​ / @buckyisloved​ / @language-rxgers​ / @callmedaddys-blog​ / @disneychic8 / @me221187 / @the-divine-femme  / @br3ndo 

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fic #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers au #rrbf

[corseque]

I wanted to publish/answer the asks I got because of the bullying thing because they made me emotional and I’m really grateful to you guys. like, genuinely, I was overwhelmed by the support that day, and I’m feeling 100x better about the whole thing now.

Anonymous said:

I’m so sorry you went through that! I haven’t had a tumblr in literal years but after TLJ came out I somehow found your blog through Pinterest and wound up creating a new one because I admired you so much and wanted to follow you lol. Keep doing what you’re doing, and thank you for being so cool and like a beacon of positivity

holy shit, this is such a nice message. ;_; I’m so happy you like my blog, and I hope you have fun. I actively work and concentrate on being positive when sometimes I might not want to be, and I’m not perfect, so I’m glad that it at least comes through in a noticeable way.

morphinepudding said:

Confession: you're the only blog on this hellsite I've been following for years, since it seems we both love scar-faced, emotional, broken men with ominous masks and a soft spot for (not so) vulnerable little birds. I am a silent lurker outside of my art posting but know how much I appreciate your insight, your humor and your tags, and how I audibly squealed when you reblogged my latest piece since your posts were such an inspiration for it. Never let them bring you down.

this message made me burst into tears at my grandma’s house when I got it in my inbox. I adore your art so much, whenever I go to your page I have to like clutch at my heart with the emotions they give me. When I saw your latest piece, I was overwhelmed with like ‘oh my gosh, this is so relevant to my interests, how did they know???’ I genuinely felt like my heart was being read. My posts were an inspiration for it??? oh my god, I thought it was just because of Wayward Jedi’s videos or something and we were mutual fans of the theory ;______________; 

hahah, I’m tearing up again.. good to meet you after so many years

Anonymous said:

As someone whose not a reylo shipper I’ve always loved seeing your analyses of the scenes and what it means for the ship because it makes me happy to see you happy; to see thousand upon thousands of other fans happy. I like to do the same exact thing for my ships (like I’m a fan of finnrey) I can not stand those anti posts about reylo. Literally why on earth am I going to hate something that brings someone else joy and is not causing harm to anyone. I hope you continue loving what you love ♥️

This ask gives me so much hope. This is like, my goal, to just effing talk about stuff that makes me happy and draw people to me who like to talk about the things that make them happy. I actually love following blogs of people just talking about their interests, even if I know nothing about them. I’m glad my posts are a positive and not annoying to you, because I genuinely adore Finnrey. I think it’s literally only that I’m so married to certain extremely specific tropes that made me ship reylo more. And I’m just utterly annoyingly myopic about stuff until I feel like I’ve ‘figured it out.’

Anonymous said:

I love your Reylo metas!! It's a real shame that some in the tumblr Star Wars community are so closed minded and think it's cool to bash and make fun of viewpoints and interpretations that are different than theirs. Your posts are so well thought out and articulate. I am glad you are not deterred by the haters, and wish you well.

Thank you!! It was so fuckin bizarre to me because I don’t even mind being disagreed with. for a minute, I was almost like ‘why didn’t anyone I know tell me politely that I was writing foolishness?’ but then I realized it was all just middle schooler bullshit and bad takes. Thanks so much...

Anonymous said:

This is a fan who loves your blog and meta and interests!!! I’m sorry you have to deal with antis but I think you’ve really touched on something that I relate to in terms of the male characters I’m interested in as a heterosexual in theory but rarely in practice female. We are both interested in raw, emotional, flawed male characters and I think that’s just fine. Screw everyone else and do you! You’re fantastic. Sorry, this is a tired rambling late night ask haha

God, thank you. Like, this whole blog is me trying to figure out why I’m interested in these emotional male characters, especially in terms of my sexuality and gender, and I’m glad the wild stabs in the dark resonated with someone else in any way. “we are both interested in raw, emotional, flawed male characters and I think that’s just fine” BEAUTIFUL, I want ‘’and I think that’s just fine’’ tattooed on me. I feel like I’m constantly thinking ‘it’s not fine’ because this site’s culture gets to me sometimes, and having to shake myself out of it. This site is hell on earth.

Anonymous said:

I saw that stalking post & the bullying post. Someone I used to chat w/ (I left the Solas fandom & Tumblr about 2 years ago) was completely delighted by it & participated.For what it's worth,she is an incredibly miserable person who hates herself, her body, her family, her boyfriend.Everything/everyone. It's nothing about you, it's these sad people who would rather tear others down because it's easier than building themselves into better people who make genuine & sincere connections w/ others.

It makes me uncomfortable to think that someone who knew me from Dragon Age was enjoying this, cause like... man. That’s worse. I thought I had a relatively good reputation, so that’s kind of sad to me. I guess I’m falling for the fallacy of thinking ‘if I behave well enough x won’t happen to me.’ I don’t understand the draw of being so negative, but I hope someday they can self-reflect and figure stuff out.

Anonymous said:

what i don't understand about a lot of antis on this site is why they have to be so mean. look, i have characters i dislike and ships i dislike and if someone asks me about why i dislike them i'll tell them but otherwise why would i actively seek out things i don't like? i stay away. instead people have to mock and act like child bullies. we are just trying to enjoy, they are the miserable ones. don't need to publish this but just want you to know there are people that appreciate you.

Thanks, I have no idea either. I think getting worried and interfering about what other women are doing or interested in sexually is a thing people start doing when they feel powerless in other parts of their lives. The whole thing is pretty transparent because you just don’t see this kind of patronizing moral policing on websites populated by mostly men. Anyway, it always feels nice to have a Holy Crusade to believe in, and feel like you’re protecting children and doing good. Even if you’re not doing anything productive, it still feels great and the rush of moral superiority is addictive.

Anonymous said:

i like the assertions from people that folks use too much freudian stuff in talking about analysis in film and talk about how it's discredited and, ok sure but if people took a few film theory classes they'd find themselves running into freudian theory an awful lot in the context of, well, most films and especially hollywood films. (this is about tlj specifically though)

Yeah, like, it’s deliberately used in symbolism in movies. Full stop. Nothing more to discuss.

reinaben said:

Hey, corseque, you rock and you were right! I'm so happy today I'm bouncing like Adam on that gif. I remember reading some of your posts tagged #shitty wizards after TFA and wondering maybe she likes Kylo Ren? because he is like the shittiest wizard ever. I was so happy when you started posting meta about Star Wars, I still am. Anyway, I'm sorry to bother you and I'm sorry that the antis were assholes. Have a nice day!

Kylo Ren is such a #shitty wizard and I have loved him from day one. It’s just that this website is such a bad one that I was convinced not to post about the boi. Part of the reason why I’ve been posting So Much in like a flood is like... I was censoring myself for 2 years, so there’s a lot to catch up on. Glad you enjoyed my transition to Star Wars <3

#replies

[artificialqueens]

Imbalance (Group fic/Katya centric)- Chloe

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first story like ever, and when I say ever, like I’ve never written fanfic before so bare with me lol. Sooo please don’t kill me if it’s not beautifully written like some of the pros on this blog! This is just the intro to a group fic I’ve been thinking about starting for a while, so I decided to start it, and well, we’ll se where it goes. It takes place during the BOTS tour, but I’m taking a little bit of liberty with the people on it and such. This is going to pretty angsty and shit so I’ll make sure to put any trigger warnings in the tags! Let me know what you think love to all of you! Xx-Chloe

It had been an hour…well maybe…Katya couldn’t really tell. To give her some credit, when you’re sitting on the floor of a club bathroom after a certain amount of drinks things get a little fuzzy.

Fuck. Drinks. Things that were a definite no-no for this tour. Not just the tour, life in general for a recovering addict.

How many did I have? Actually, better why did I have them in the first place?

Katya wobbled to her feet, and after stabilizing herself on a railing (due to a sudden onset of vertigo from sitting in the fetal position for over an hour…well…nevermind, time’s stupid anyways).

As she opened the door of the dingy little corner stall, she saw someone look straight at her, and it actually made her jump back in surprise..but just for a moment.

This person was a human picture of the phrase “to hell and back,” matted blond hair, smeared makeup, stained clothes, shaking hands that were calloused and scratched.

“Shit,” She groaned, because even in this weird not-so-sober state of mind she knew that the person staring back at her was her reflection. How cliche.

Katya hated being a cliche.

“God damnit, mother fucking, how dumb do I have to be to…” She rambled angrily for a few seconds before taking a breath. Beth, her therapist, had warned her that relapse was highly probable, especially while on tour, let alone a tour stock full of cash, drugs, and alcohol.

Relapse…shit…she didn’t want to relapse. She’d worked her ass off to get to the place she was now. Can one night ruin that? She didn’t really know, and that’s what frightened her the most. This was her biggest fear, screwing up, especially while on tour, without any of her outpatient team or support system.

Well, it would be unfair to say the girls on tour weren’t her support system too. They’d do anything for her, and she’d do the same, it was just…well…she’s Katya. Slow splitting, joke cracking, knee slapping, baby handed Katya. Katya didn’t do sad or angst or whatever the fuck you wanted to call it (that was what college was for, she was past that). Katya was the one who picked others up when they had a rough day. She was the one who dragged Sharon out of the inevitable drunken fight she was about to get herself into. She was the one who held Adore as she cried after a ‘fan’ told her her singing voice wasn’t actually “that good.” She coached Alaska through her panic attacks from nightmare after nightmare (for a cause that still hadn’t been shared yet her her, but she never pushed). She was always there. To make people laugh. To reassure Violet she was perfect just the way she was (cinched or not cinched). To make miss Bianca Del Rio herself smile when she was having a bad day.

She brightened up a room. She never had any problems. Those were all behind her now. At least that’s what she told to everyone she met.

“Then what the fuck is this,” she let out a dry humorless laugh. She looked alien (and not one from the planet Glamtron), there was no light in her eyes, she looked half dead.

“I might as well be,” she muttered so softly only she could hear, even though no one was in the bathroom with her…maybe she didn’t want to admit it to herself.

Looking at the floor she noticed her hands shaking again. She knew the signs, this wasn’t a surprise. She needed help for a while. This wasn’t an accident, this was the inevitable. She knew one night this would happen, and she knew that because she refused to admit that there were any issues in her picturesque life. I mean what did she have to complain about, there were thousands of people every night who screamed her name, she had so many friends, she wasn’t struggling for money, she was living the life she’d always imagined.

And you dumb bitch, you fucked it up.

A hot tear rolled down her cheek, which didn’t help the messed up makeup, but at this point there was no helping the mess that had become her face.

Breathe Katya breathe, just take a second okay? Ground yourself. You’ll be fine, no one needs to find out about this. Let’s just start over.

Coming back down to earth she took a deep breath and tried to sort out what the hell she was supposed to do.

Okay, we’re spending the night here anyways, I must be in the bathroom at the club we went to after the show..that means I’m just across the street from our hotel. Okay. I can do that. Now, I just need to find my shoes and then we’re just going to book it.

This sounded like a solid enough plan for Katya at…what time was it anyways?…Katya grabbed her phone which was sitting on the countertop dangerously close to the sink. 3:00 am.

SHIT.

There must’ve been at least 25 various messages from all the girls asking where the fuck she was. Michelle had sent the most, threatening to call the cops if Katya herself didn’t call her within the next hour.

Wait, fuck, when was that sent?

Katya checked the timestamp. 2:07 am.

“Luckiest mother fucker in the world that’s what you are Barbara,” Katya joked to the mirror as she started to come out of the fog she’d been engulfed in for god knows how many hours before.

K: Michelle, so sorry my phone died. Found cute trade. Sorry for not getting in touch. All good here. See you tomorrow.

M: Jesus Christ woman did you want to me sleep tonight? Enjoy yourself ;) I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning in the hotel lobby.

She let out a sigh of relief, no one will ever have to know. No one. With that over and done Katya was ready to head out, but took one step and looked down at her feet. Her bare feet.

“Goddamnit how did you lose your shoes you idiot?!”

Assuming that they were most likely back in the stall she’d locked herself in she turned and wondered back to the end of the bathroom where she’d hidden out for the majority of the night.

Just as she entered her “breakdown stall,“ she’d so fondly named, she heard the main bathroom door open and the chatter of people walking in.

FUCK.

#rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant #imbalance #chloe #katya zamolodchikova #angst #group fic #tour fic #bots #possible ships later #basically all the Ru girls #plus Michelle Visage #I don’t really know where I’m going to go with this #it’s going to be a wild ride though #tw relape #tw substance abuse #tw anxiety