#AT TO POST. YOU ARE PROJECTING AND YOU'RE BEING A DICK. HE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE GOOFY IN A WAY THAT WOULD PERSONALLY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 4 months

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I know the show isn't out yet but Stayed Gone is stuck in my head and I'm chugging my yandere Vox juice so hard right now. I think he has the capacity to be absolutely insufferable

---for starters THE SPYING POTENTIAL WITH THIS MAN. You're telling me he can directly plug himself in to the city power grid and see through all televisions, potentially even phones and computers too? Could he put himself on your phone and start going through your texts? Could he even just put himself on your phone real quick while you're sleeping to check in on you? You couldn't even have privacy in your own home because of whatever screens are around he could potentially shoot himself to or watch you through. Imagine just being in your apartment completely alone and he's suddenly on your tv. Like what if you had just been sitting there topless or with your dick out or something or 👀 I mean. He could see so much, really...

---God honestly like. You know I keep mentioning the Instagram without ever attaching pics or anything because I'm on mobile and I'd have to use the hazbin Instagram archive blogs here on tumblr to go find them back like, you know Val would openly post the meanest shit, would literally post Vox's face being busted up because he woke Val up from a nap or i think it was he literally just brought him the wrong soda (which to be fair was taken from Velvet and was half empty), and then you go over to Vox's account and his pic was taping his pieces back on while being really frustrated and kinda lowkey looking like he would cry

Like Val's out here "women are stupid also men are stupid too" and talking about how he adopted a dog and killed it within like 48 hours and here's Vox celebrating his pet's birthday with cake and a party like. Why are these men together. Why. Why. Don't get me wrong I love to be the involuntary third in a toxic codependency but--

look all I'm saying is... do any of you get really really upset when you see someone being mistreated, especially more so a friend of yours?

READER JUST LOSING THEIR SHIT GETTING FERAL ANGRY SHOUTING AND SCREAMING AT VAL BECAUSE HE PULLS SOME SHIT and like that's IT for you because 1. Valentino might like actually backhand you one as well, do you think he wears rings so it hurts, 2. Vox sees you defending him and like, it's based on your own preferences really but if he wasn't already gaga this CEMENTS it and 3. especially if he watches you have to take a blow for trying to stick up for him. Like what if you cry. I have a low pain threshold, I'd be sniveling and crying at the least. Valentino storms off and Vox is helping peel you off the floor cause you curled up into a ball or some shit and he's sitting there thinking "wow they suck at this but they still did it for me 🥺"

---during his song with Alastor, it's a little confusing because they show an actual camera crew when he's turning the TVs on, but i think it's pretty clear that he can control whatever the screens show visually, thus his little zany sketches and being able to talk to himself and at one point, showed the visual of himself blocking the radio Alastor was projecting on right next door. I can just see him using this to kind of.... fuck with you, really! Or do whatever he wants? He's trying to suck up to you and he's surrounded by roses, or you're his co-host/guest host and he thinks your joke was funny and gives a little audience laughter as a treat

Or you know... you're running from him down the street, passing all these different screens and displays as they power on and show things like, him "jumping in front of you" while demanding you stop or, trying to show some kind of blackmail publicly, or just, begging you to just ACCEPT HIM and showing you all the fun things he could do with you, "cmon, I said I was sorry, stop freaking the fuck out! We can- we can do that thing you've always wanted to do, what about that?!" as he tries to project you two doing something fun, but most importantly, doing it TOGETHER. You're running from him terrified and he's showing you images of like you two smiling and happy or, it becomes scarier as he's more desperate

"Don't-don't make me do something fucked up!! I'm serious, STOP RUNNING" and he's like freaking out, showing shit of trying to hold you down, tying you up, and/or shoving you into a locked room

Sudden thoughts of "what if the more emotional and unstable he becomes, the less he can control his intrusive thoughts and shows his more impulsive darker desires". He's tweeking and the screen glitches and you briefly think you see yourself completely restrained, blindfolded, gagged--

---he's just like OBVIOUSLY so prideful but also immature and whiny ("who gives a shit about alastor?" Well you, mr hes just quietly minding his own business and I'LL start beef because i feel threatened and STILL LOSE, like awww my poor little pogchamp got publicly humiliated in an argument HE started out of nowhere, he's my little sad wet baby lmaoooo) and we already know his relationship with Val can become physically abusive, so, you pair him staying in that kind of relationship, being codependent, with this personality of his, and I can just see.... ACTUALLY FUCKING TRIGGERED LIKE LITERALLY CRYING UPSET VOX BECAUSE YOU REJECTED HIM like he's pissed he's hurt he's lonely he's heartbroken and HELL NO IS HE GONNA ACCEPT THIS

Vox would be over here proudly claiming on his TV show that NO HE REJECTED Y O U, not the other way around! He's not upset! He's totally fine! Meanwhile everyone watching can tell this man is manic and visibly hotboxing copium, "I didn't even really like you anyways!!.... no, I mean, shit, fuck, COMMERCIAL BREAK--" *cut to technical difficulties screen because the man is CRYINGGG*

-- Valentino and Reader bonding over teasing Vox and making him flustered and of course, obviously, the inverse. I still kinda like the idea of "they both think you're cute but like nothing exciting until one night they bump into you unplanned and you're all dressed up". Like Val is from the 70s or 80s so they go to a roller rink disco whatever kinda place because I'm sure the coke game there is INSANE and you're just like, swaying your hips spinning around to Let It Whip or September or something dressed in some shorts that make your ass look just right 🤌

You're sneaking back into the studio after a night out and they're both lounging somewhere and Val's like "uhhhh who is THIS coming in without saying hi to Daddy?" and you pull your sunglasses down like "SIR??? 😳" And now HE'S flustered because he didn't know that was you and Vox is feeling some new kinda way because he's used to seeing you in like, your work uniform or casual wear

Val who then makes your work uniform really slutty and you have to serve him and Vox wearing it 😩❤️

---I have this thought of like lmao imagine walking down the sidewalk with Angel and seeing Vox on TV and Angel is like "ya know he can see everything outta dese things when he's plugged in" and you're like "bullshit, he couldn't possibly process that many screens at once, it'd overload his brain, he wouldnt be able to concentrate" and you're like "here I'll prove it, hey Vox, check it out you fucking dweeb" and flash him your bare titties or you MOON HIM

scenario A would be that he INSTANTLY barks out laughing, "hey Val, that dumb slut who brings you drinks just flashed me!" And he just totally shows it on the air, maybe partially censored, maybe not at all, your phone is ringing IMMEDIATELY, of COURSE it's Val, and Vox is broadcasting your mortified embarrassed expression, "our big story tonight: drunk bimbo fucks around and finds out! More updates after this word from our sponsor!" and the man will noooootttttttt stop bullying the fuck out of you afterwards, because he's got a crush on you and you're like someone weaker than him his insecure ass can punch down on

Scenario B is that he instantly turns pink and about 5 seconds later he blue screens and the entire city experiences a blackout and when he comes back on the air he's like stammering and, glancing at, it FEELS like he keeps glancing at you, but, is he really?

------

I dunno... like I'm sure Valentino is gonna wind up being unstable in his own way but I guess there's a certain, ALLURE to Vox being a little bratty and whiny while also having these very VERY handy, actually quite scary abilities and resources 👀 like boy show me what that screen do 😫💦

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere x reader #vox x reader #yandere vox x reader #sinprompts #yandere stuff

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celaenaeiln · 5 months

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Okay, so I've been scouring your blog these past few days, and ughh, it feels so good to find someone who actually seems to understand who Dick is! His eldest daughter complex is something I relate to so much, and was the thing that really drew me in. A lot of people look at the mediation and emotional weight lifting, (and those are huge parts of it, don't get me wrong,) but something else I find very eldest child is the way his own relationship with Bruce has continued to take hits all so Bruce can have better relationships with the others. Like when you're the oldest your parents make so many more mistakes with you. I also can't help but feel like it's got to be so hard as Dick to look at the way Bruce is with Tim/Dami/Cass, and wish that he could have that kind of relationship with his Dad. They want to be jealous of the trust, think he's the golden child, and yet at the same time, he's wishing he had something more resembling the true parent/child relationship the others got. (Idk maybe I'm projecting, but oh lord I go absolutely feral for eldest daughter Dick, it just hurts so good)

og post in reference

Yes! I'm so glad you brought that up!!

In terms of parenting, and why I don't really write about Bruce being a parent to Dick, is because Dick is kinda a guinea pig, as my engineering teacher put it once.

He was the Bruce's first for everything. First friend, first partner, first son - he just took responsibility for all roles. It makes things even worse because Bruce at the time he took in Dick, he had only been Batman for three years. Three. And he was literally drowning under the weight of the mask until he found Dick. There's a reason why Dick is Bruce's is right hand man and that's because Dick's been with him through everything. When Bruce was struggling and almost giving into his obsession, Dick was there to pull him out of it.

He quite literally mothered Bruce through his feelings, asking if everything was okay, what's wrong, watching him constantly and guaging his mood. This is exhausting work because Dick's mind was always on Bruce's mental state, much like a mother worried constantly about her teenage daughter or a father about his son.

That adoption scene where Dick asks Bruce, "why didn't you adopt me?" That's the realization of eldest daughter syndrome brought up.

Up until then, Dick was completely fine with being the caretaker for Bruce and lifting him up. He parented Bruce for so long and so smoothly, neither fully realized how much Dick was doing for him until he left. When Bruce adopts Jason, that's when Dick realizes there's something wrong with their dynamic.

I don't know if at that time Dick really wanted to be adopted or if he felt neglected because that he's wasn't while another was. But one thing he feels isn't jealousy, he's very clear on that, but Dick feels hurt.

Was there something he did wrong that caused Bruce to do that? What he do differently? What could he have done better? These types of questions constantly cloud his brain because he's gotten so used to taken care of his guardian for two decades now that he must feel hurt on some level even if he never expresses. He wouldn't begrudge his siblings because he feels happy Bruce isn't making the same mistakes to them that he did with Dick but at the same time, it's just exhausting for him.

Bruce might have improved but he isn't the best, so now he's busy taking care of both his brothers and sisters and his father. He also has to take care of his friends too.

He has the weight of the world on his shoulders but the worst part for him isn't the actual the weight - it's the realization that he's holding the weight. Because before he could live on in ignorance and bliss that Bruce was always going to be this way, and taking care of him would naturally just be Dick's job. He's so used to it, he's been doing it since he was eight.

But now, he knows what he's doing, he knows he's not supposed to, but he must. Because they rely on him, but also because that's what Bruce made him into. And I think that hurts the most for him.

He'll feel conflicted about it because on one hand, he loves Bruce. He loves him so much, he'll do anything for him. But also what about all those missed opportunities? Could he have been something different? Maybe he could've hung out with the Titans more if he didn't have to deal with bruce constantly demanding his presence. Maybe he could've joined a new class he never thought he would try.

Dick doesn't regret what he did and if he could go back in time, he would do it all over again but...he probably feels melancholic again. To love a parent so much you sacrifice your happiness over and over again so they can be happy while you're forced to grow up early. Dick's personality itself just lends itself to helping others but constantly taking care of your parent?

He's happy but he feels helpless and sad so he stays silent about it all.

It's said that Eldest Daughter Syndrome can make women feel overburdened, stressed out, and constantly responsible for others.

More signs include having a strong sense of responsibility (leading the batfam and hero teams), feeling a need for control (him fighting for his independence against Bruce and fighting to take care of his own teams), carrying the heavy weight of parents' expectations (his entire monologue in Nightwing 1996 about his feelings towards Bruce), perfectionism (Roy grouching about Dick's perfectionist tendencies to Kori in Outsiders and Roy yelling at Batman for it in Batman Plus), struggling with same-age relationships (dating older), and feeling resentment towards family (his outsiders era was him just resenting Bruce in the beginning).

He's been parenting Bruce for so long he was forced to grow up prematurely. I mentioned in my compartmentalization post when Dick's parents have literally just died. And he's forcing himself to act happy because he doesn't want Bruce to feel guilty and upset about not catching their murderer yet. That's not a responsibility a child should have - pretending everything is fine so as not to worry their family. That's the role of a parent. He's taking parenting his own parent because his actual one is incapable of doing so.

But Bruce's greatest fear is that by taking in Dick, he deprived Dick of opportunities to shine. To live in the limelight. And Dick knows everything about Bruce, so he knows Bruce's worst fears. And for this reason, out of the love that he has in his heart, Dick will never tell Bruce if he's hurt him because this is directly connected to his worst fear.

And that hurts. Because vocally releasing anger and sorrow is cathartic but to have it build up silently inside and letting it sink beneath the waves each time is painful.

#dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #eldest daughter syndrome #anon I can't begin to tell you how much I understand #it's exhausting #cl anon asks #thanks for the ask!#anon you inspired me to make a post about this that I'll upload later

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uninformedartist · 10 months

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I feel like Spindlehorse can't separate Helluva as a product from themselves as people. Same shit the fandom does.

Yeah that's actually what's happening. Now its understandable that a creator would be attached to their product/project in some ways because after all they made it can be seen as an artistic reflection of themselves and what they want the world to see. But there comes a point where you have to separate yourself from your property especially if it becomes mainstream for legal, professional and pr reasons. That is not seen with Viv and she includes too much of herself (good or bad) into her shows.

When looking at the core aspect of helluva boss the comedy, Viv tries to implement a lot of what she finds personally funny but... lets just say her humor is problematic in some ways or just down right unfunny. And this is very bold of her to do because she's putting what she finds personally funny which thinking in a greater scale is bad to do because everyones humor is subjective. Another thing to note is that her humor is in general very crass "edgy" and immature actually so dick jokes, SA "jokes", ableis "jokes" are all over her show and since this is what she finds personally funny, in our modern era that is a problem because many don't find this sort of humor funny in any way.

The main aspect of helluva boss fails. Viv and whoever she associates with put too much of themselves personally in helluva boss. Be it the humor they find funny or life experiences. And doing this causes issues because as seen by the audience at large (not talking about her bootlicking fanbase) they simply don't find that sort of humor funny or relate to whatever life experiences they insert in helluva boss. Then Viv and co get offended/or angry at the backlash their humor etc receives and proceeds to complain on twitter because this is their personal humor/experiences is being criticised.

Saw a few examples:

This was that horse joke in So2 ep1. It wasn't funny at all well to me at least, was informative but not funny and it was an actual thing that happened to Sam who is Viv's best friend/spindlehorse staff member. This "joke" had to be explained on twitter cos nobody got it, its an inside joke/life experience thrown in the episode that didn't land and now Sam had to explain it.

And this is a big one, the infamous dildos in the wall joke. Since the episode was written by Adam Neylan we thought it was his joke he made and a lot of people didn't find it funny because it was a stupid dick joke and where the joke happened was were Moxxie was physically abused by his father then the next scene had the dildos popping out the walls, complete tonal whiplash and was insensitive. Why I bring this up because it was actually Viv who added the dildo joke: this is highlights from the Helluva boss watch party.

And then she proceeded to go on twitter liking and retweeting any tweet of someone who found it funny when many didn't to I don't know comfort herself, maybe boost her ego. Yeah adding your personal taste in humor can backfire.

On the hivemind fandom, its like minded people in it and she cultivated this fandom over many years so Viv and her fandom are in the same boat together, nothing much to say there.

So yeah in short, spindlehorse and Viv add too much of themselves in helluva boss and it backfires because its not funny, relatable, problematic etc. Some separation between creator and product is key to avoid a lot of this as mentioned, getting too personal with your product especially if its released to a wider audience can save you a lot of hurt and backlash if what you're adding personally of yourself is problematic etc but you don't see it as such.

Sorry for such a long post ╭( ๐_๐)╮ I threw myself this morning into doing a lot of law past exam papers so my writing off the wall.

#vivziepop critical #helluva boss critical #my post #spindlehorse critical #asked and answered #ty for the ask anon!#looooooong post sorry

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golbrocklovely · 5 months

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i'm gonna make a general post about this, instead of answering all the individual asks i got. especially since they all basically say the same thing, and i don't want to repeat myself over and over again.

this is about colby's love life, so it's not anything too serious. so let's all remember that haha

okay, so… in case you missed it, which i'm assuming some of you probably did: colby and sam went out last night, colby admitted today that he got blacked out. while in that state (most likely), he posted a pic of him and girl on his stories. there's nothing major about the picture. it was literally just him and a girl taking a selfie together. a girl he hasn't been seen with before.

then this afternoon, he removed the pic from his story.

and you might be wondering "why is any of this newsworthy?" your guess is as good as mine, lovely readers. bc to me, who the fuck cares lol

according to my anons tho, this is important. so, let me give my two cents on it.

i think my main issue, or complaint, with how this fandom treats colby's love life is that you all take it a lot more seriously than even he does. some of you treat it like it's life or death or a serious issue that needs to be discussed when in reality, we just don't know enough to really comment on it. if you wanna have fun, say something funny, whatever - that's fine. but a lot of you go from joking about it to full blown calling him or the girl he's possibly with names. and that's just weird.

i've seen plenty of fans slut shame colby. but i find it quite odd when we don't know enough to even really say whether or not he is a slut. first and foremost, there's nothing wrong with sleeping around or being a slut. there's only an issue if you lie to the ppl you're sleeping with (like saying you're committed to them when you're not) and or not using protection. those are really the only issues. and the thing is, colby hasn't been in a serious, committed relationship since 2016 (in his own words). so i find it strange that any fan of his would be pissed that he's not staying committed to one girl. like, that man isn't trying to be in a relationship. he's allowed to fuck around.

and the MAJOR, top TIER actual problem this fandom has is assuming every girl colby is around is his new girlfriend/fling. a lot of fans have this problem with thinking that any girl in colby's orbit is a) someone he plans to fuck, b) someone he is currently fucking, or c) someone he has already fucked. a lot of you guys act like colby can't be friends with a pretty, single girl. and yes, that includes the ones that show their ass on insta or have an onlyfans. and look, you wanna joke about stuff like that, be my guest. but a lot of you haven't been joking. a lot of you shame the shit out of colby for things he didn't do or that you have no proof he is doing. it's really gross to assume he can't have platonic relationships with women.

the amount of times i have read things like "colby is such a slut, sleeping around and having all of these playthings. it's so gross. he needs to keep it in his pants, he's such a manwhore" when YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS OR ISN'T SLEEPING WITH. idk what projection you feel the need to put on him, but he isn't your exes. you don't gotta assume he's fucking everything that moves.

and even if he was…. what's wrong with that? and i don't want to hear "oh but he's the one that wants a connection but then doesn't settle down". he's allowed to be unsure of what he wants. he's allowed to go looking and switch up his mind from time to time. reality is if he was doing something wrong, ie fucking over these girls over and over again, half of LA wouldn't fuck with him. most of his assumed exes still fucking follow him, so clearly he isn't burning bridges or pouring gas and waiting for them to light the match. not to mention, he's not trying to settle down. he's allowed to go out and have fun and get his dick wet if he wants to lol

bffr yall, you're telling me you don't say one thing but do something else that goes against that? take me for example, i would love to be in a relationship rn. but i'm not putting myself out there at all. so OF COURSE i'm still single. we all do shit like this. let's not put ourselves on a high horse just bc it's easier to call him out than it is to admit our own shortcomings :)

i think it's good to remember that not every girl that's around him is someone he's planning to, is currently, or has fucked before in the past. some girls are just his friends. some might turn into more, some might not at all. it's wrong to believe that he can't have just girl friends. it's wrong to assume that all he sees when he looks at a woman is a pair of tits and ass, or that she's some conquest he needs to win. another notch in his belt. not only does it boil the woman down to nothing but a sex doll, but you turn colby into a sex monster, looking for his next nut. it's very weird.

also, i know a lot of you don't like 99% of the women he chills with, for whatever reason. and i need you all to learn and accept that colby is not your sim. you don't get to control his actions. you don't get to say he should be with X girl for y and z reasons. he's allowed to be with clout chasey girls. he's allowed to be with annoying girls. he's allowed to even be with girls that post him too much. it doesn't matter. it's his life, he lurks and knows what happening way more than we do, and it's best we just let him do his thing and ignore the girls that annoy us. don't let curiosity win. just block the girls and move on if they really annoy you that deeply.

and if you're done with colby and his love life, move on then. there's no reason to be hung up on something that should just be mildly amusing to you at best.

stuff like this shouldn't be major drama or important things we direly need to talk about it. this should be silly and fun and lighthearted. it used to be, too. but too many of you have read too many y/n fanfics and think you have a choice in the matter when you really don't. and i mean that as respectfully as i can say it. you don't own colby. colby doesn't owe you an explanation as to why he does what he does. accept it as reality and move on. if he, or his choices, upset you that much - leave. log out for a while. all of this silly, nonsensical shit will still be here when and if you return. and for some of you, i strongly suggest leaving, since this clearly upsets you too much.

#colby brock #personal #text #cb ll

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greypetrel · 4 months

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HI ARJA I’m so curious about your moby dick AU lol you always have the best AUs

HI ROWAN I'm glad you asked! :D It's gonna be a big ass rant, so it's under the cut. I'm very excited about this AU, it tackles some things I love and have first-hand experience of, so yeah, I'll be chatty about it ahahahah.

I've posted a chapter at random on AO3 and you can find some snippets in the whale au tag!

So, it's "Zoologist Aisling who thinks whales are the best thing after sliced bread saves Cullen, who happens to have survived a shipwreck caused by a whale". Shenanigans happen.

It was an idea of @shivunin (thank you again) and I'm currently trying to give it a little outline not to go totally at random. I am thinking about characters background, it's a non-magical AU and so stuff needs to be adapted. The title of the WIP is old, I realised after that... You know, it's a Moby Dick INSPIRED thing. The first idea was having Aisling as Melville and Cullen as Ishmael teaming up to write Moby Dick. Cullen has the sailing parts, Aisling filling in with conspiracy theories about whalers and spite over naturalists. And both of them inserting a gay relationship because I'm still a big part of the Bi!Cullen agenda, and that book is terribly gay.

I did realise later on that there's a limit to the horrors I'm willing to put characters through and write, and cannibalism is really NOT one. I also moved it to another period and to the 1900s because I already did research for another original project and I'm more familiar with it.

The title of the file will change when I'll have a better one for this AU.

For now I do have a background for Aisling, what she's in Nantucket to do, and I'm so happy to say @melisusthewee jumped on the bandwagon aboard with Quinn and Horatio, but I'm letting her introduce you to them in this. I'll just say that Aisling refers to Quinn as "Mr Arch-Nemesis".

She's in Nantucket for a research over sperm whales behaviour, restore her family's name (dad was a scholar too, but alas, he was caught being a member of the Fenian society and giving money to the Irish revolutionaries... She's the Royal Society's favourite person, yes) and hopefully put a brake on whale hunting (the 1900s saw the peak of killed whales, you can bet miss "I'd adopt a dragon if Bull didn't constantly prevent me to try and befriend one" won't be ok with it). Dorian and Josephine -whom I couldn't fathom being there with her, seriously I can't picture Dorian on a ship if not in first class, unless he was beaten unconscious before boarding and dragged on. Josie finances ships, sure... but being on board of one and working? A whole different thing. So, they're Aisling friends, but they stayed in London to get her fundings.

Cullen needs to find reason to get to the sea again, he was a harpooner and worked on ships all his life... After being the sole survivor, he needs to find his centre back and get on with it. The crazy whale fangirl may or may not help him on this.

And there was only one bed, of course. (have I already said that Moby Dick is VERY gay?) (I had a blast reading it, thank you so much @salsedinepicta for making me curious about it! <3 Also if you want to throw your characters in this GO ON.)

I thiiiink I may change names and design and also do something fully original. I'm particularly enthusiastic about it because it allows me to tackle stuff I experienced in my life (I did some sailing! Very little and purely recreational, but still) and to re-use some research I already did for another original project which I love dearly, but it's definitely more than I can chew on my own. If I don't chicken out because the place is linked to some trauma, I maaaaay add a part in the seaside town I spent a lot of time growing up.

But again, let's see how it goes, researching on Italy isn't the easiest thing ever if you're not aiming at Rome or the Renaissance, and we're talking about a pretty regional side of Italy. I have good hopes because the people are very very very much into their own history and claiming it back, so I may find some good infos without spitting too much blood.

it's a work in progress, but there's gonna be more about this!

#whale au #petrel replies #dragon age inquisition #dragon age AU

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nunalastor · 1 month

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Ask Compilation LET'S GOOO

@onceuponahotel asked:

*closes app for one day*

*opens it before bed*

*sees whatever fuckery is on nunalastor's blog*

This is why I stay on this godforsaken app lol

like a cursed news app

@timeladix asked:

Cursed mod on the left and dickmaster on the right (ik this bc i was there, took the photo myself ofc)

(Basically the energy you each give off in my head lmao)

-🦋

cursed mod and dickmaster are the same person but i can confirm this is two sides of their multiple personalities.

Anonymous asked:

what is by far THE MOST cursed ask you've ever got?

honestly they're all pretty bad. maybe one day we'll go through and pull our top 10 or something for a cursed ask bracket or something (if anyone wants to go through the cursed ask tag and pull some and do it instead, by all means feel free)

Anonymous asked:

1985 type song about Alastor and his refusal to get with the times

'cause he's still pre-occupied with 1935.

Anonymous asked:

Razzle can also turn into a giant dragon (sheep devil thing) and there is a nonzero chance there are dragon fuckers here. Razzle x Alastor has my support!

Anonymous asked:

One divorced dad and one single dad meet and now the dads are dating and their daughters are siblings. Chaos siblings to be exact.

Anonymous asked:

I just feel like the *thump* *squeak* posts have died down too much.

*thump*

*squeak*

*thump*

Anonymous asked:

I’m always so worried that I forget to turn the anon on and my friends are going to see this anyway

Rosie asks her husbands if they’re okay with being railed as a way to know if she’s gonna eat them (so far they have all said no and tasted horrible)

*thump* *squeak* *thump*

If you do, just let us know and we'll delete it. But your friends will always know you're into freaky cannibal shit.

@urrandomrand asked:

Hey. I feel sorry for u

Damn they felt so bad they deleted their whole account.

Anonymous asked:

*thump* *squeak* *thump* *squeak*

Anonymous asked:

You think if Lucifer menstrates, Alastor forces him to use a cup so that when he's done with it, Alastor can drink it like fine wine?

I think you should seek help, personally.

Anonymous asked:

Lucifer eats baked potatoes for breakfast because I like projecting onto him and I eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

Anonymous asked:

My entire Tiktok feed is that *alastor is a circus who lets people play in his urine*

The shit i get from your tumblr is way more wholesome

I fucking 💕 this fandom

The circus memes are so much less cursed.

Anonymous asked:

Oh yes, that! Can't fucking post links in anon...

-Alastors Dick

You can add a space between parts of the link I believe. Like, nunalastor. tumblr. com/tagged/alastorsdick

Anonymous asked:

Hiiiiii hope you're doing well and you've getting them eepies accordingly :>

-🦋

Cursed mod said they were gonna go take a nap a while ago but that's usually a fucking lie and they're still up.

Anonymous asked:

Ok on the subject of crackships again

What about mollie x cherri and pentious x arackniss

what about all four together maybe pentious has enough dicks for everyone

@floatingcamel23 asked:

hello mom-

I have zero parental instincts. So, I'm probably more like your mom than you realize.

Anonymous asked:

Shiiit, listen to this without looking at the screen.

Hells Greatest Dad (hazbin hotel) - But i converted it to midi (youtube.com)

Do you hear them singing still?

-Alastors Dick Link. Not even remotely. It sounds like cursed cat alastor stepping on the keys of a piano repeatedly.

Anonymous asked:

do you think that Alastor hides his tail because it's actually a switch and you can turn him off like you would turn off a radio by flipping his tail like a switch?

Anonymous asked:

Alastor car

link

Anonymous asked:

*sexually inserts rubber duck into lucifer's ass and then jumps on him repeatedly*

Anonymous asked:

In response to the dog toy thing-

Vaggie has a stroke of anger because she's basically gained some sort of trauma from hearing it every night. Alastor bursts out laughing. Lucifer turns into a tomato.

Anonymous asked:

Using light mode should be considered a sin

#cursed asks #nunalastor asks

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hanasnx · 26 days

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hey inds how are you?? i was telling my other friend abt ur blog and safe to say you have a new slut, idk if she followed you or just stalked every post you have abt her 'baby-daddies' as she calls them...ANYWAYS i was so excited talking to her abt you i spent like 2 hours alone reading your KRAYT house series again...i miss pornstar!ani i need his dick

hey there im doin alright. slowly but surely i'm getting thru things i've been putting off so im feeling more at peace. hope you're well too

im glad you told your friend about me, i love being talked about like that. you probably already know i am very vain, so im happy you both like my content

especially pornstar ani he is so special and personal to me, im very attached to him. and krayt house was such a big project for me it pleases me its getting attention, so thank you <3

#indy shoots the shit #thanks for the msg!!#maurauderswhxre

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shiro-hatzuki · 2 years

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so this might be me projecting a little (okay maybe a lot), but i have a thought on haruka's s2 mv that i need to scream into the void.

spoilers for "all-knowing and all-agony" below the cut. also i will be talking a lot about strict/bad parenting and referencing my own experiences a lot to explain my thoughts. also also content warning for violence and animal death among others that i can't think of as i will be using screenshots from the mv.

---------------

first off, i'm going to be explaining something before getting to haruka proper to make sure we all have context. please bear with me, or just skip down to the bolded text where i get to haruka fr.

so asian parents, right? i have them, other people have them, you who is reading this might have them idk your family, and haruka - being japanese - probably has them. you know that stereotype where the asian parent(s) are all "study hard and harder! also do extra curriculars like studying music because it'll help your grey matter!" well as humorous as it is to me personally, it's also very much based in reality if my experience growing up as well as how my friends' relatives are like (those friends thankfully have more chill parents raising them, but the same cannot be said of their aunts and uncles) are anything to go by. as well as the plethora of media and online posts you'll see made by asians about that type of parent. not every asian parents are like that if that wasn't made clear by my earlier statement regarding my friends, and of course there are non-asian parents who are very much like that (hi american soccer moms), but it is definitely a trope that many a child can attest to.

now these parents have a tendency to show off their children's accomplishments. look at my child! they got top prize at their piano competition! my child got a perfect score on all their tests and is the top of their class! my child is so accomplished, they bought a whole house, two cars, and is the bread winner of their family of four at their young age! it's a metaphorical dick measuring competition as if to show off how ""right"" the parents raised their kids. but what of the kids who can't be the best of the best? who are just average or, worse (in the parents' eyes) below average?

they're treated like failures. one form of this can be that of pressure and comparison to others more accomplished than the child - the form that i personally experienced. your parents might show you the accomplishments of other people your age through telling you stories of their friends' and coworkers' ""more successful"" kids to try to ""inspire you,"" and though maybe they doing it with good intentions, you can't help but hear the words "look at how successful this person is. they are the same age as you with the same or even less opportunities than you, yet why can't you be this?"

and yet another form - one that i witnessed happening to one of my brothers - is the form of being an outcast from the family. treated like the "black sheep," the parents low key (or very obviously) give up on the child as if they're a lost cause, a waste of time, money, and effort. perhaps the parents still love the child in a way and aren't completely negligent, yet for the success-hungry parents, their efforts that they frame as love are turned away from their "lost" child and are either focused onto the child's siblings or other people's kids such as cousins and other relatives, family friends, and students (not necessarily in a creepy way, to clarify, just in a way that prioritizes those kids' success over the "failed" child).

now onto haruka.

so when you're a little kid who has yet to be disenfranchised and, in your parent's eyes, are full with potential, you might have liked to do things that your parents thought made your successful, though it wasn't because you too wanted to be successful. it was because it made your parents happy and gave you positive attention. perhaps haruka may have done this when he was younger based on these lines

however, what happens when you grow up yet your development plateaus? all the crayon drawings that you're good at hardly matter anymore because now they want to to get good grades and talents that you simply don't have and are out of your reach. now you've become the failure that was described above. and with failure comes:

comparisons to other people

admonishment, subtle or not, for being the way you are

attention once meant for you being given to others

and abandonment, metaphorical or literal.

all that? that really grates on a person's psyche.

whether or not haruka was previously seen as one of those gifted children, it hardly matters right now. because right now, all he is considered is a failure by his parents. (his mother's lack of attention towards him is apparent by her disappearing in the s1 mv and a lot throughout s2 mv, though for his father, haruka's fifth interrogation question makes the father's disappointment obvious).

well, this is only part of my current theory for haruka anyways. there are of course other factors that should be considered, such as haruka having a mental disorder such as autism, which could be a double whammy for people with these success-hungry parents since there are still many other there that see mental disorders purely as a negative.

#am i projecting? no. maybe. yeah okay i am i def am #although i would love to get into all the other thoughts on haruka they're #a) not original and you'll probs see them everywhere if you haven't already #b) not what i want to focus on today #i just want to project and cry and jam out to yet another absolute banger from the milgram team #maybe another day or maybe not because again you'll see it everywhere if you haven't already #milgram #ミルグラム #haruka sakurai #my stuff

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zumpietoo · 5 months

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Oh the Irony....

And perfect timing!!! Cuz I'm SURE you sent similar to the BB with their latest waybackmachinings??? (to say nothing of, WTF do you care what I entitle or post it---tho, I do have nu inspiration--and I posted all kinds of positive Cole stuff just this AM):

Oh and to say nothing of, sure enough, I called EXACTLY what your transparent asses are butthurt about....

Ah yes, we begin with assorted racism, elitism and lookism....umm...she lives an easily drivable distance from NYC AND for all we know Mommeee sent her a ticket (that she grifted for freeeee!!!). Plus who knew A) I was an evvvolll Poor? B) being a Poor was a sin?

At least I know US geography.....even tho Silly is in Georgia, which is also a relatively drivable distance to NYC....so you'd think she'd know that, too....maybe Silly is Amab? She's in 'Bama and was remarkably ignorant about basic US geography....especially since she taught school, in a grade where that would be part of the curriculum.

Ahhh.....I fuckin' knew it! They're pissed that nobody wants to doubledate/be besties with CabanaPee for realsiessss.....

But SweatBoi will react like a pissy little bitch, which, ofc, makes him the awesomest awesome that ever awesomed!!! Perhaps Silly/janASS should look up, "I didn't want to be part of your stupid clubhouse, anywaaayyy!!!"/sour grapes?

Oh yes, bad grammar BB member (Silly foaming at the mouth), PP does indeed gives a MANY shit(s) about everything Cole's doing. BTW, since he and Ari have been together for nearly 3 years, live together and probably will eventually get married....I think it moved past "hooking up" quite some time ago.

That would be Peepster and CB. And FB. And Austyn. And Charli. And whomever she slipped a few extra $$$ to at The Box.

Meanwhile....while Cole HAD already stated he'd be attending many parties for Halloween (versus just one, while beating a very ded, now revealed as fully AN ILLUSION(ary) horse).....considering we had CB yet again cosplaying Cole and PP being with CB entirely because of that....if Cole DID "run away" (no), moar like "from his stalkers".....cuz I most assuredly did NOT notice any "hotties"....

Dude, she posed for group pics with Cabana Pee....maybe she just knows an asshole when she sees one. And to the OG anon----what was that about "almost a month ago"??? You're here still droning on about CB cosplaying Cole the first time. Which is why PP's with him (and the ONLY reason).

MM is ninety billion times prettier than PP, actually a better actress, has been with her BF for way longer, he's a bigger fucking deal than CB could even dream of and she's with him cuz she legit loves him, versus making him pretend to be Walking Tat....

Ummm....it would be two words, "dumb ass", not one....ignorant dullard, however......it's as if FB legit likes Cole better than PP (let alone Sweatboi) even if PP lets him fuck her from time to time.

And not "at", IN....and Fancee Nicola also visited Cole on set, were roomies with him during quaranteen, etc....plus, no, dude....PP doesn't "always support him".....Cole (and MM) were at FB's premiere, Cole made a speshul trip to DC to attend a different premiere of FB's back in 2019.....PP was also in NYC then and didn't bother herself.

And why would he "support PP's nu relationship"? He and PP aren't really friends (they're sidepieces, at best), especially anymoar and CB is a nobody asshole.....and his wife hates PP (and probably Sweatboi)....

However, I do love how y'all are admitting it, even as you attempt to twist it. Plus, again....did the OG anon talk to them about shit in the past?

Why TF would they "feel pity for Cole"? He remains 90 billion times richer and moar famous than all the rest of them combined....

Plus, PP's production company is dick (you really need to stop with that idiocy).....so has Cole (and is legit friends with Alisters), and, again, I don't see PP leading any successful theatricals....she scabbed a student project for her cult for less than scale cuz she needed $$$ that fucking desperately.

Love how they ignore how Cole spent the strike at A list fashion events in all Europe, while PP did a purse party.....and attends other A list events? PP? Does tiktoks with CB's loser friends (who still hate her), now....

And lastly....even if true? Doesn't matter. Cole could easily fade into obscurity and just sit around counting his $$$---PP remains a slutty, dimwitted, talent-free bimbo, up to her eyeballs in debt....and, again, then they wouldn't have tried the sad little threepeat costumey....

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lillianfromaccounting · 2 years

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The whole point of She-Hulk is to show all the shit women (and they play her off as not conventionally attractive--Jen is the equivalent to skinny Steve in terms of regular guys being attracted to her, that's the best analogy I can come up with right now)--but all the shit women have to overcome. The whole show.

If Tony Stark was getting an award and a sex tape of him was leaked on stage, he would be celebrated or people would laugh it off or some might even come to his rescue/try to protect his reputation (see: chris evans dick pic incident). The incident might even bolster his reputation.

The fact that the implication is that it will completely derail Jen's career and reputation (professional and social) is the point of that scene. And God, I literally said during that scene "If I were her right now, I would tear down that projection screen." And 2 seconds later, she punched the screens.

It is a VERY relatable show and women have to navigate this shit ALL the fucking time.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

‐----------

I delivered this TEDtalk to my husband and his retort was: "It’s not an MCU [caliber] show."

He doesn't think she will accomplish her hero arc in the last episode.

I also pointed out how the whole show showcases people who have powers but choose not to do good with them (all her clients basically). Because my husband was like, she could run off with Matt and save the world. And I'm like, he wasn't there 6 episodes ago when she had to pay bills but had no job prospects and the only firm that would hire her required her to be She-Hulk. She couldn't turn away from the identity.

And then my husband called the She-Hulk characters caricatures and let me tell you, one of good friends from work is exactly Nikki. Not a caricature. AND I was saying how Nikki is actually more three dimensional than say Darcy.

And he was like "you're gonna put her up against [fandom sweetheart] DARCY!?!?!"

And yeah I went there and then he was like, "BUT YOU ARE DARCY!"

and folks, if you could see the flames coming out of my head at that moment.

I had to make sure he knew what a Mary Sue was (don't @ me Shock fans, I have no issues blocking). And I love Darcy but up until WandaVision, she wasn't given much development.

He kept saying She-Hulk should do more to change culture norms and expectations around how women are viewed.

And omg thanks goodness I saw that Blazing Saddles post the other day because I used that as an example of how a piece of media reflecting current culture ended up changing it.

I also tried to explain the various levels of misogyny to him.

Yada, Yada, Yada

Then he said Ant-man is funny and great and he enjoyed that very much.

I said I am enjoying She-Hulk as much as he enjoyed Ant-man.

We agreed to table this conversation until next week.

#personal #she-hulk #she-hulk spoilers #thank you for coming to my tedtalk #marvel #mcu #spoilers #hank pym was scott lang's deus ex machina in terms of hero arcs

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undertheknightwing · 2 years

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my five favorite fics

I'm not really gonna do fav to least fav, these five are my favorite fics I've posted. The ones I'm most proud of and I suggest giving a read if you're bored someday, I'm not going to be spoiling anything just in case. Tagged by the lovely and fellow writer @not-so-mundane-after-all go check out her stuff too! ❤️

coming in at number one, surprise to no one!

1. Escapism

I will sing the praises of this fic forever. It's my pride and joy! I put my everything into this, my heart has been removed from my chest and given to this absolute mess (affectionate) of hurt/comfort. I take a lot of pride in this bad boy, it's my baby. I've been planning it since last summer, writing out timelines and ripple effects, it's my first fic that's written like a tv show with episodes instead of feeling like one big movie and it's so much fun! It's currently at 8 chapters, which is a big deal to me since I always struggled with keeping motivation for fics with long chapters, but chapters 9 and 10 are in the works now. This project has been so special to me, whether I end up finishing it or not (because it's huge) it'll always the fic I'm the most proud of and look back fondly on, it's like the 'favorite stuffed animal' of my fics. It's always gonna be around and I'll always adore it. The content and hard work I put into it aren't the only things that make it special though, writing it helped me meet one of my best friends @mombosslois , I don't even know if I would have gotten this far if it wasn't for her friendship and support. Seriously, one person can make such a big change in your life and it's amazing ❤

and to the mysterious accountless "J" who left a comment being very interested about Jon's storyline.. if that was you Jordan Elsass, I'm glad you like the fic and don't worry your boy has a lot coming his way. He is a main character, after all 😌

2. A Very Merry Crossover Christmas

I had so much fun writing this fic! I always wanted to write a Titans and Superman & Lois crossover fic that, unlike Escapism, had the whole core four interacting with the Kents and it ended up as humorous and sweet as I hoped it would. I wanna write a crossover like that again some time soon, like a summer vacation, because there's still so much to write about when the Graysons and Kents are together lol

3. Weaponized Fear

From Christmas to Halloween. This fic was planned and wrote for Gar and Gar only, there are no other characters in it until the very end. Everything is about him and how getting infected by Scarecrow's fear toxin made him have to meet his biggest fears face to face. It was a fic made to fill in the huge blanks in Gar's character like backstory and inner thoughts but all brought to life in a spooky way.

4. Colorful Tigers and Painted Sleeves

This one was a gift for @not-so-mundane-after-all . I wanted to give her a friendship gift and wanted it to be based off of her headcanon of Rachel getting paint on Dick's jacket sleeves. It took me months to think of the perfect storyline, I went through many different versions. Most were super angsty with Rachel’s reasoning for painting being she was scared of what was going to happen to Dick/or Gar and tried to get her mind off it because one version had Nightwing getting seriously harmed on a mission and another had Beast Boy. I'm more than glad with that version I ended up writing, more fluff and wholesome moments than anything and Rachel’s reasoning for painting is a lot better, in my opinion.

5. A Group of Crows is Called A Murder

I remember blanking out so badly on a name and just going with the title you see above just because I couldn't think of anything else and now it's one of my favorite fic titles 😂😂 It's pretty much just "dad rage mode" the fic, an au of 3x04 where Scarecrow uses Gar as a tool to mess around with Dick's brain a little, bringing up all his guilt and regret for what he allowed to happen to Gar and CADMUS because he refused to stay.. which is really something season 3 should have brought up but magical three month time skips erase all. I oddly really love this fic's vibes, reading it makes me think of Scarecrow as a wolf circling and hunting Nightwing who'd be a bird of prey carefully watching every move Scarecrow makes. It's pretty cool.

#tag game #dc titans #titans #superman and lois #cods.fics

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bittermoonswrites · 2 years

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tag game: wips

Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs. (You can make your own post or reblog this one!) I have deemed that this isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? Dnd Campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!!

Thanks @soysaurus, @juurensha, and @thyandrawrites for tagging me!! Most folks I know who are active on tumblr have already been tagged, but if you're reading this and haven't, consider yourself tagged!

Only listing wips I'm at least semi-actively working on because my folder is supremely disorganized.

you've got nothing on my tendency (to be led astray) - a ridiculous oneshot enabled by @juurensha about being an awkward 20-something and why capitalism is load of baloney and oh yeah, dabihawks

alive, absurd

fuyumi jazz - untitled Murakami-esque jazz bar AU featuring 40-year-old Fuyumi and Miruko meeting at Dabihawks' jazz bar

i know a place (we could stay) - my shiganatsu week oneshot! going to be posted very soon

sometimes a father knows best - the much delayed pt 3 of my jjk Jujutsu Happy Homes social media AU

speak too soon - my Satosugu Big Bang fic! Will be out in a few weeks :)

when the storm goes missing

Snippet from you've got nothing on my tendency (to be led astray):

“You’re fucking a corporate sellout,” Shigaraki said. “What happened to making your values more important than your dick?”

“There’s been a mix-up—”

“Hello, Touya,” Hawks said. “I thought it was necessary to meet your friends before our wedding.”

“A wedding!” Toga gasped.

“We are not getting married.” Touya made an X with his hands to emphasize that he is not going along with this joke gone too far.

#bittermoons writes

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bryan-damage · 4 months

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One of my (basically) former friends is one of the most knee-jerk contrarians I've ever known, but for a long time I thought he was one of my smartest friends.

But I found that I couldn't really talk about topics beyond really basic things around him because he had this need to compete over some of the most trivial subjects. Like, I was always very self-conscious about how depressing I was being around him, so one time I started making an effort to talk about the good things about my life, and brought up some of the things I liked about the neighborhood I live in. And he turned it into a competition, because he lives in a nice neighborhood in Denver and he started going on how much obviously better Denver is and I was just baffled, I had no idea why he would think I was implying that where I live is better. I had repeatedly told him I wished I could afford to move there, I don't even know where the context would even be for me to want to compete.

Slowly I started to realize that he's just a mean asshole who is always looking for an excuse to fight about something.

So the only way to talk to him is to ask him questions about things he knows about, so I basically just kept him pacified by catering to his insecurities. I was able to make him feel smart, you see. But it also meant I couldn't talk about myself or share any real honest thoughts with him because it would make him feel stupid or something.

Also, he's not especially smart. He's not stupid but his intelligence is definitely below average.

We were pretty young when we met. I must have projected intelligence onto him. I thought he was cool and I wanted him to be as smart as he acted like he was, so that's what I saw.

A couple of years ago he responded to a post of mine on Facebook and I don't remember what was actually said but I honestly couldn't make sense of his post and I was well past sick of his being a dick all the time so I responded that I didn't understand what he was saying and I'm not going to translate it into fucking English and he deleted his post and stopped responding to my posts on Facebook.

Now we just like each other's stuff on Instagram every now and then and that's about where we should be as friends.

He had a sort of verbal tic when I tried to share something with him, where he'd start every sentence with the words "Yeah, but..." and it was like he'd trained himself to do this reflexively, I think he was basically saying "I have something to say that will contradict you but I need you to give me a moment to think of something..." When you start a sentence with "Yeah, but..." you're communicating that you have more to say, it's like a verbal placeholder. Then I'd give him a moment to come up with something but he'd take a long time and meanwhile I'm wondering why he so badly needs to tell me I'm wrong.

One time I decided that I was tired of waiting for him to come up with a counter to something I was saying and I just plowed through and said everything I had to say and just ignored him every time he said "Yeah, but..." and he kept doing it, over and over, and his "Yeah, but" got progressively bigger and more dramatic every time, I think he said "Yeah, but..." six or seven times over the course of five minutes, and he started adding the word "everybody" to the routine, but he would really extend the word so the last few times he'd go "Yeah, but eeeeeeverybody..." and he was really throwing his whole body into it by then, swaying dramatically from right to left with "eeeeeeverybody", and I just kept going because God damn it, he was going to fucking listen to everything I had to say for once and I was sick of being interrupted.

He was pretty annoyed but he's always annoyed. After a while the threat of accidentally annoying him lost its power.

He's a lifelong punk. Self-identifies as an anarchist.

He had a concussion like ten years ago in a skateboarding accident, never went to the hospital. I wonder if it made him hyper aggressive.

Anyway.

#bryan damage #punk

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gameswithjohnathan · 2 years

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John Does Ghost of Tsushima Act 1

So, to preface this...I stopped playing FFXIV for a bit and have gotten back to jumping around games in my backlog for the first time in awhile. If it seems jarring that I keep posting updates for different projects before finishing others...sorry, that's gonna happen a lot.

Today, I finally booted up the Director's Cut of Ghost of Tsushima after having it in the backlog for a year...which is weird. I've played Last of Us part 2 and Death Stranding twice...you're just going to have to accept that I have trash taste to keep reading this.

Anyway, the game probably started off pretty strong with a set piece where you storm a beach and get thrown off a bridge before sneaking off to recruit forces to storm a castle with the friends we made along the way...it's all very Blues Brother "We're getting the band back together-y."

Naturally, that's where I actually started, very confused, having forgotten all the controls, and being told to retake a forge. From what I've seen, though...the narrative is very gripping. I like it, even though it feels a little too safe so far. The side chapters dedicated to following Ishikawa and Masako really help develop a plot that probably wouldn't work for me otherwise.

As I said, the whole premise of act 1 is recruiting some strong people to help us take a castle and rescue the uncle-princess. It's the smaller details that really work for this story. I couldn't give a rat's ass about the uncle or even the Khan, I don't even remember their first names. The real stars are Ishikawa, Masako, and Ryuzo who are very well developed in the brief time we know them and have interesting directions to go for the rest of the game.

Because I have no filter and run a self-ingratiating blog to talk about things I like, I'm going to talk for awhile about those three, starting with Ishikawa, who was a sensei and an archer trying to rescue his student, Tomoe. His story throughout the first act is all about finding out that she betrayed her people to the Mongols and is teaching them archery, but is also being like...a total dick about it. She goes to a village that Ishikawa had ties to and sends an army to attack, knowing it would probably fail, just so that he'll look up and see the banner of his last student who was a total psycho and murdered a bunch of people.

I found this to be very interesting, but I also much confess that the new puppy was biting my hand a lot cause she's teething, so I was probably the most distracted during this section. Overall, the story is setting up a lot of themes about failure as a teacher and learning to accept that some things are beyond your control. It's basically Luke Skywalker's arc from Last Jedi, so depending on how much you liked Last Jedi, your mileage may vary. I'm going to say that I like it but it's the least interesting of the 3 since I can already see where it's going.

Masako was the most interesting to me...you go to tell her that her husband is dead when, lo and behold...she may have got the memo when everyone else in her family was also killed. I would equate her journey to that of a cowboy...samurai and cowboys share many similarities, once you really start digging into it. She goes on a quest to travel the lands and brutally murder everyone on a convenient list of names that they just had lying around. I'm actually going to nitpick that part a little bit.

I get that you need a list of conspirators and you also want to make her a homicidal maniac of questionable moral character....but maybe have her learn the people responsible by a method other than a list on a table that says "Names of Conspirators," I don't think anyone would call themselves conspirators if they believed they were doing the right thing, which really just makes me uninterested in sparing anyone, when it could've been an interesting meditation on revenge and...well, let's not get into Last of Us 2 territory.

Lastly, we have Ryuzo. He's interesting, because he's also a wildcard. Going into it, you're told your childhood friend is leading mercenaries, so you go to see him and see his men are starving. So you promise to help him secure food for his men, only to keep failing. As you keep failing, his resentment also becomes more palpable as he talks about resenting Jin for embarrassing in a duel that was his one chance to become a samurai, while Jin was already guaranteed the job from the start. You can also see that he resents Jin throwing out the samurai code, when all he ever wanted was to be a samurai. He promises to help you invade Canada for their maple syrup and your Uncle.

Act 1 of Ghost of Tsushima lays a lot of good groundwork with 3 characters to follow throughout the rest of the story. Perhaps Yuna and your Uncle will prove to stay relevant, but it seems like Yuna's main point was to convince Jin to start being more pragmatic and start killing dudes more effectively...and to that end, she's served her purpose and even says she wants to leave the story. I don't really have a read on the Uncle, so I'll leave that for later. Suffice to say that nothing that happens in the story is surprising but almost everything that happens is well done. I'm excited to see where the story goes.

On to the next bit...the open world. It's Far Cry

And lastly, the combat. It's very fun when it works. When you're in standoffs, it's super cinematic with fun camerawork and a careful little timing minigame. Easily my favorite part of the combat is the standoff. Where the game begins losing me is with the stealth. For a game about stealth, they really didn't do anything interesting with it. Don't stand directly in front of someone for too long and bam, you're in stealth, walk up behind everyone and hit square. Repeat this over and over until either everyone is dead or you mess it up.

Being the gaming expert that I am, I never broke stealth a single time, but my puppy had the controller a few times and she was not nearly as graceful with stealth...having paws. So when *she* got out of stealth and started being ambushed, I couldn't help but notice that the camera mode button was literally in the worst goddamn place that it could be on the entire controller...every time I tried to hit up on the d-pad to lock on to an enemy, I would hit the button at an angle and accidentally graze the right button and then it would completely pause combat and enter the photo mode so I could get a nice close up on a guy trying to stab me in the throat while I stood there and took it while looking off into oblivion.

Actually, this is where the main crack in the combat goes. In most games, lock on is programmed to the r3 button (clicking in the right stick) since that's what controls the camera and pushing in the button that your thumb is usually on is pretty easy, that way you can toggle it on and off as you see fit. The lock on is mapped to the left side of the controller, and I'm sorry, but I will never adopt a claw grip because I value not having arthritis. This means that when you want to toggle the camera on, you either have to adjust your hand to flick your index finger off the bottom of the controller (claw hand), adjust your right hand and give up access to the face buttons for a second to flick the thumb over and keep being able to move, or stand still and get smacked in the face while you flick your left thumb over to the d-pad. This sounds like a minor gripe, and maybe it is to most people, but all they had to do was map it to the right stick and find a different button for crouching.

Continuing my lock on rant, in most games, getting hit switches the target to the guy that just hit you...this game does not, which is really really bad when you're getting gangbanged in the middle of a circle and can't see the guys behind you very well and have to keep spamming dodge while hoping for the best. Honestly, not being locked on should never be preferable as an option...and it almost is here, but I still whiff too many slashes next to enemies when not locked on.

And lastly, swordplay is very fun. You have a few stances to handle different classes of enemies, which turns swordplay into a beautiful dance. And when the camera doesn't hate you, it's beautiful. It's like a ballet if the ballerina pulled out a grenade when she was surrounded and used it as a distraction to pump a few arrows into the production designer before getting back to slashing. I can't get enough of it *when the camera works*

The art direction is beautiful, the colors are vivid, I kinda hate the wind system, though. I get wanting to be immersive, but flicking up on the dpad every 3 seconds to see if the wind changes directions really reminds me that I'm playing a video game. I don't get the hate gamers have for the compass feature, but it's sorely missed here. Of all the things that shatter my immersion in a video game, I'd argue that being confused as to if I'm going the right way is a lot more jarring than having a compass tell me I'm doing it right.

And so now I set my early verdict for Ghost of Tsushima: Ghost of Tsushima is good but it's not great. It's basically an Ubisoft open world with a decent story. The story is pretty generic, but its told well and it's carried by the characters. I don't think this is the best game Sucker Punch has made (inFamous 2) or even the best game from the year it came out, or even the best game from that summer. It's where I would put Horizon: Zero Dawn...everything in the game is competently done and the world is supremely engaging, but ultimately, it doesn't do enough to establish its own identity among a field of Ubisoft games with the exact same world design...and it's not even a Ubisoft game.

#ghost of tsushima

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