#BUT this is me every day of my life about bradley james

[destinymylove]

#op made it unrebloggable #probably sick of it being applied to every blorbo who knows a blonde guy #BUT this is me every day of my life about bradley james #except i want his hand in holy matrimony also

[cherrycola27]

Red, White, and Bradshaw

A Red, White, and Rooster Sequel

Series Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption, political inaccuracies. Mentions of and acts of terrorism, death. Allusions to and full smut. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

Masterlist Next Part

...........................................

Chapter 1: Designated Survivor

At thirty-nine years old, you'd lived quite a life. You had been married to the man of your dreams for almost a decade. You had four beautiful children with him. You had been the First Lady of the United States, and you were currently the Secretary of Commerce for Bradley's successor, President James Hamilton.

Though you had worn many hats during your time in Washington, you never lost sight of who you were. After his time as president came to an end, Bradley supported your political career. He was more than happy to take a back seat from the spotlight and be a stay at home dad to your kids.

Andy and Elle were now seven, Leo, whom you were pregnant with at his second inauguration was five, and Wren, your fifth anniversary vow renewal oops baby, whom you loved very much, was three.

Your two boys were the spitting image of their father, and your two daughters were like mini versions of you. Out of all of them, Elle and Leo had definitely inherited your can-do attitude and "bossy" personality, as Bradley would say, while Andy and Wren shared his laid-back vibe.

Your family was your pride and joy, but you were also proud of the fact that you never had to sacrifice your love of business and politics to have them. You were blessed with a supportive husband who recognized how hard you worked.

When President Hamilton had first offered you a cabinet position, you were hesitant to take it. How could you raise a family and serve? Being First Lady was one thing. This was an entirely different level.

Bradley listened as you told him about your worries and assured you that he would do everything in his power to support you if you wanted to make this career move. "You supported me when I need you. You helped me follow my dream, and now it's my turn to help you." Bradley had told you as he held you in his arms one night.

The next day, you accepted the offer, and after a relatively quick vetting process, you became Y/N Wiseman-Bradshaw, Secretary of Commerce.

The first few months were an adjustment. You spent many sleepless nights venting to Bradley about how you thought you'd made a mistake and that you should quit. He would listen to your concerns and encourage you and soothe your worries each time. He celebrated all of your victories in your new position, both big and small. Everything was going well—too well.

.............

It was a quiet night in Washington D.C.

President Hamilton was about to give his first State of the Union address. You were in a secure, undisclosed location with your family. You had been chosen as the designated survivor. You thought it was silly, really. What were the odds that every single person ahead of you in the line of presidential succession died at the same time?

But you also understood the importance of it. You appreciated a good backup plan.

You were relaxing in some leggings and a well-worn, oversized Georgetown hoodie, staring at the TV when Bradley joined you.

He had an old Navy shirt and some flannel pants on. He'd just tucked the kids in bed before coming to watch the State of the Union with you.

He wrapped his arm around you as the two of you shared a bowl of popcorn.

"Oh my god, did I look that stuffy when I gave my speehes?" He asked as the two of you listened.

"No, Dearest. You looked exceptionally handsome." You told him. He laughed as the two of you continued to watch the screen. Everything seemed fine—normal even.

Until it happened.

A large boom shook the safe house just as the live feed of the address went black.

You and Bradley looked as each other with panic in your eyes.

"Bradley, go get the kids." You told him. He was out of his seat and racing down the hall before you could finish your sentence. You quickly flipped through the TV channels to see if you could figure out what was wrong. The sound of sirens and helicopters blared from outside. Whatever this was, it was serious.

Just then, Dante, the head of your security team, burst in the door. Mrs. Bradshaw, we need to move all of you now." He said in a protective tone. "Dante, what's going on?" You asked him. He didn't respond.

Just then, a news flash came over the TV, and your heart sank. Your children came running into the room and gathered around you as Bradley followed behind.

"Oh my god." The two of you said in unison. "Bradley, they blew up the Capital." You said in disbelief as you watched the screen. You couldn't believe your eyes. In the spot where the beautiful building had once stood was nothing but a pile of burning rubble.

"Dante, I need you to get the Seresin's on the phone right now." You demanded. "Mrs. Bradshaw, we need to get all of you out of here now. We will call them from the car." Dante said. You wanted to protest, but he was grabbing your arm and hauling you out door as more members of your security team escorted Bradley and your children.

You looked back over your shoulder just in time to see a banner flash stating that there would likely be no survivors. Your heart sank as you thought about all innocent men and women who lost their lives— your parents included.

Suddenly, it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. Andy and Elle sat on either side of you in the car while Leo and Wren clung to Bradley.

You were vaugly aware of him telling you that they had reached Jake and Jaycee. The Seresin's and their three children were fine, and more security would be sent to them.

Bright lights from police, fire, and military flashed through the streets of D.C. as Dante navigated them. You were sure someone was talking to you, but you didn't hear what they said. You felt like you were underwater.

You didn't register yourself getting out of the SUV or the fact that you were being taken through a back passage of the White House. It was only when Chief Justice Inglewood was asking Bradley to hold the Bible and for you to place your hand on, that you snapped back to reality.

"Wait, what's going on?" You said as you looked around the room.

"Mrs. Bradshaw, you're the designated survivor." Chief Justice Inglewood said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

You still hadn't processed what was going on.

"Honey, you're about to take the oath of office. You're going to be the president." Bradley said to you calmly.

You took a deep breath as Justice Inglewood looked at you. "Please place your left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me." She began. You didn't even have time to process what Bradley had said before Inglewood started the oath.

"Do you, Y/N Wiseman-Bradshaw, solemnly swear to faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of your ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States?" Chief Justice Inglewood asked you.

That's when the reality of the situation hit you like a ton of bricks. The president, vice president, and everyone else in the Capital tonight were dead. You swallowed thickly as your children huddled close, not sure of what was happening, but aware enough to know something was off.

You took a deep breath and looked at Bradley for reassurance. He nodded his head and smiled.

"I, Y/N Wiseman-Bradshaw, do solemnly swear to faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." You affirmed in a shaky tone. You felt like you were going to throw up. You tried to swallow, but your mouth was dry, and your tongue felt like sandpaper. You were vaugly aware of someone taking pictures in the background as you spoke the words.

"Congratulations, Madame President. I wish this could have been under better circumstances." Justice Inglewood said as she shook your hand.

You thought that it was odd that she was shaking your hand and congratulating you. You were here because hundreds of people had died, not because you won an election. You did deserve this.

Your hands started to shake as tears pricked your eyes. This was wrong. All wrong. You felt like you couldn't breathe. How the hell did you end up here?

Your husband turned to you and saw the fear in your eyes.

Bradley immediately pulled you in for a hug before cupping your face in his hands. He could sense the terror running through your body as the severity of the situation set in.

"Oh my god, Bradley. I—I—what am I going to do?" You said as tears threatened to fall from your eyes.

"Right now, we are going to tuck the kids in and read them a bedtime story. Then, you are going to go with Dante to a secure conference room and talk with the department heads that weren't at the State of the Union. You are going to figure out a way for us to get through this because that's what you do best, honey. You solve problems. Tomorrow morning, you are going to drink way too much coffee, put on a suit, and address the nation. You are going to let them know that we are down, but not out. You are going to show them how strong their president is. But most of all, you're going to do your best. That's all you can do." Bradley tells you as he kissed your forehead.

Dante doesn't give you time to respond or to help Bradley with the children before he is whisking you away again.

"Go get 'em; Madame President. I love you." Bradley said as he ushered you to go. You nodded and followed Dante.

You couldn't believe this was happening. One minute, you were enjoying a quiet evening. The next, you were thrust into a position you weren't even sure you wanted and knew you weren't qualified for.

"Oh my god." You said to yourself for what seemed like the hundredth time this evening as the weight of everything settled over you.

You were no longer Secretary Wiseman-Bradshaw. You were President Wiseman-Bradshaw.

Life as you knew it would be forever changed.

Dante and your other Secret Service team members stopped outside a door. Dante went ahead while you waited behind. Moments later, he returned and said,

"Madame President, they're ready for you."

Taglist: @daggerspare-standingby @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @hecate-steps-on-me @roosterscock @roosterbruiser @roosterforme @seresinsbabe @startrekfangirl2233 @soulmates8 @xoxabs88xox @avengersfan25 @blackwidownat2814 @loveforaugust @mak-32 @cottagecori @amysteryspot @heyimmadisonn @sunlightmurdock @lewmagoo @cassiemitchell @die-cunt @shipinabluebottle @malindacath @violyn20 @imawkwardlysoc @books-for-summer @blackroseboulevard @recordblues @desert-fern @luckyladycreator2 @katieshook02 @samhapner6 @sebsxphia @roosters-girl @diorrfairy @je-suis-prest-rachel @mizzzpink @a-linabean @amklibrary @gretagerwigsmuse @jstarr86 @actuallyazriel @krismdavis @bradshawsbaby @wkndwlff @dakotakazansky @multifandomlover4life @princess76179

#cherrycola27 #top gun maverick #top gun #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster top gun #tgm #rooster smut #rooster x reader #lt. bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw smut #tgm fanfiction #tgm fic #tgm smut #top gun 2 #red white and bradshaw #red white and rooster

[girl-in-the-chairs-void]

Okay I got one! Sending letters back and forth while one party is deployed, with Rooster? It just seems like something he'd do. If it matters, I'd prefer female reader.

Ooohh I like this one!! Rooster is just a softie.

I miss you.

I don’t know why that was the first thing I wrote but it’s the truth. I haven’t seen you in…what? 3 months? Gosh it feels longer than that. I got your letters, by the way. Of course I got them, you are reading this letter as a consequence of me receiving those letters. Also, is it true? I thought Mr. Jones was settling in a care home or something? Please do tell Mrs. Jones that I’m sorry for her loss and that I won’t be there for the funeral.

Yeah…they are extending my stay. I know, my love, I’m sorry. I wish I could have a say in it but admiral Harris wants me to carry out another team mission here.

How are you? I’m sorry, I should have asked at the start of the letter but I’ve started this letter so many times and Bob will kill me if I steal from his stack of paper again. He has a wife…did you know that? There are so many things I don’t know about him, but we are working on it. He says hi; I’m sorry I’m rambling, well, writing rambling.

How are Millie and Lana? I hope they aren’t giving you too much trouble. They can be a little fussy when they want food but if they are fed, just let them out in the park or back yard for a bit. They’ll be fine.

I miss you, like a lot. I don’t know how to explain it. Did you know that your skin cells regenerate every 15 days? I have lost the feeling of your touch. There had been and still is a part of me that is completely foreign to your touch, the feeling of your skin; how your breath feels on my skin when you kiss me or hug me or… I can’t wait to show you how much I have missed you. I much I have craved your touch (I know it’s cheesy, but it’s the truth).

I hope I get to you see you soon. I look forward to your next letter sweetheart.

Forever yours,

Rooster Bradley

You clutched the tear stained paper in your hands. Hanging onto it for dear life as salty tears slid down your face. There was nothing in the letter that was entirely sad…true, it was a bummer that he was being held back for what would possibly be s few more months, but it wasn’t that, that was making you cry.

You had read over it multiple times in the past few days. Reading it before bed every night. Sometimes falling asleep in one of his shirts, clutching the piece of paper in your arms.

You stood at once, making your way to your desk and writing up another letter to send off.

Hey Brad Roos,

I miss you too. It’s okay though, you enjoy your job, right? And you are out there, saving lives! How exciting is that?

Sophie is doing okay. I think she kinda knew that James wasn’t doing completely fine no matter how much he made it to be. She says ‘it’s okay, tell him to come home soon’. Oh and she wants you to play something for her on the piano when you come back. One of James’ favourites, she thinks you know it.

Bob has a wife? I did not know that… sorry I fully knew that, I got a call a few days ago before I received your letter, she introduced herself. We are meeting up for lunch this weekend, actually.

I didn’t know that actually. Both of our skins have regenerated, so my skin has lost your touch too. Your shirts don’t smell like you anymore, you know? Been spraying your cologne on it every night, but even that doesn’t help.

Millie and Lana are fine. I think they enjoy my company more than yours. I’ve been taking them out for walks everyday, morning and evening; I think they enjoy it. I take them to Sophie’s every now and then. She gives them those little bone treats? I don’t know what they are called, but they like it.

Don’t sulk too much by the way. I know how you get when you don’t get your daily kisses haha. Seriously, don’t be sad or angry, it’s your job and no matter what I will be here, waiting for you, every night, no matter what.

Forever yours,

Y/n

Rooster read the letter once, twice, then once again. He read each word, syllable, over and over again. Admiring the way your writing, smooth cursive, precise writing. Imagining those sweet words being spoken out of your mouth instead.

He wanted nothing more than to leave everything and run home to you. This was the longest time he had been away from you. It felt like a lifetime.

“No matter how much you stare at that letter, it will still stay a piece of paper. It won’t turn into her.”

He snapped his head towards Bob, who was lying on the bottom of the shared bunk, admiring a small picture of his wife in his wallet.

“Same goes for you,” he smiled, a small bittersweet smile that mirrored on Bob’s face.

“We really are whipped right?”

“At least I married her. It’s about time you marry her too, Roos.”

The statement hit him like a brick. Marry her. He hadn’t thought about that. The thought has crossed his mind before but he never gave it too much thought, thinking you weren’t ready.

But now, being away for so long for the first time in your relationship, he feels as though you are the one. That maybe, just maybe, you are it for him.

A/n: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! I had a lot of fun writing this. I hope you enjoyed this and I hope I did it justice 😭😭. Let me know what you think!!

Taglist

@blue-aconite

@lemur46 @harrycherrylove

@elicheel

@fandom-life-12

@arson-tm

@fandomunite2107

@tongue-like-a-razor

@bussyslayer333

@roostersrooster

@roosterbruiser

(I’m tagging a few mutuals (you know who you are) just cause I know they are fans of Roos as much as I am)

#top gun maverick #rooster fluff #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw drabble #rooster x reader #rooster bradshaw #Pav answers #I want to have his kids #literal love of my life

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 569, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

WORDS: 1173

“Hey there mama, Peter!” Ken Anderson greeted us during breaktime. “I was wondering if we could perhaps have the babies be in the final?”

“All of the babies or just some of them?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Some of them,” he clarified. “I was thinking maybe Baby Tommy, Baby Eve and one or two of the triplets, and of course, Elizabeth and Katie!”

“And little girl, too?” Peter looked excited.

“Only if it’ll be alright with their daddies!” he smiled happily as Trick or Treat Lament was being ran through. Elizabeth and Katie would be sharing the role of Shock the witch girl, alternating girl every night. The roles of Lock would be played by Ken Anderson’s nephews and the role of Barrel would be shared by two boys from separate ensemble members’ families.

“I’ll call up James after we get home, alright?” I asked him from my place on my husband’s lap. I had been pleasantly surprised by Peter’s strong acting talent, and had asked him about it.

“My mom had enrolled me in acting from the ages of seven until fourteen, when I started high school,” he shrugged modestly. “I only stopped because I joined football, but I oftentimes wish that I had kept it up- I’m a bit rusty I feel.”

“Just a tad bit, my love!” I giggled, tucking my head underneath his chin as he encircled his hands around my slender waist. “But it’s honestly nothing that can bring me to hate you!”

“I should hope not,” he snarled before baring his fang playfully at me and going to nibble and kiss my neck.

“And throw away they keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey…” belted out Elizabeth, playing the witch girl, Nigel Ben Anderson play the devil child and Tony St. Williams playing the skeleton boy. “Throw away the key!” The three of them burst into childish giggles after the song.

“Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!” grinned Ken Anderson. “And now, let’s run through the opening!”

The narrator stepped up and ran through his opening the show before everyone started to sing, really bringing the citizens of Halloween Town to life.

And before I knew it, it was one in the afternoon, and Ken Anderson ended the first day with a rousing round of cheers and applause.

“Tomorrow, we can start with the choreography, and I’ll also wrangle the rest of the production crew to come in and meet everybody!” he grinned happily as everyone began to pack up.

“Hey Ken? Do you want us to bring the babies tomorrow?” I asked him.

“Oh, yes please mama!” Ken Anderson begged excitedly. “I just love babies!”

“You and much of the earth’s population!” I teased him with a laugh. “But hey- if the babies are going to be here, then the sitter will need to come also to supervise. Also, my baby sister is staying with us do to some medical issues, so-”

“Bring them both- hell- bring everyone!” Ken laughed, bending to pat the top of my head affectionately before shooing me off.

I let out an excited squeak before scrambling to join my husband and two daughters before leaving the rehearsal hall, making an automatic beeline for my husband’s car, the four of us chattering and giggling as we quickly settled ourselves before Peter pulled out from his parking spot and quickly merged into the flow of traffic.

“Sweetheart, I think your sister and Isabelle will need to ride in a separate vehicle tomorrow,” my husband rumbled, breaking easily and slowing at the sight of a police officer with his car pulled off to the shoulder, the hood opened and smoking violently. “Jesus… hold on, sweetheart- I’m going to offer my help.”

“Go on, my love! Be someone else’s prince charming!” I laughed as he parked a little ways ahead of the cop car, then got out to lend a hand.

I watched as he tinkered around on the car for ten minutes, keeping up a conversation the whole while until a tow truck rolled up to take the car in, a second cop car pulling up for the police officer to reload an older man whose pants were around his knees, showcasing a hideously hairy ass.

“Ew,” Katie said, having apparently gotten an eyeful by accident. “Mommy, does daddy have a hairy butt?”

I burst into laughter at her words and the disgusted look on Elizabeth’s face- both combined was just hysterical.

I was laughing so hard that I was crying when Peter got back into the car. He turned to face me with a concerned look over his handsomely bearded face.

“Daddy, do you have a hairy butt?”

“Katie, don’t be rude.” The look on his face was comical as he very clearly had a midlife crisis, and I found myself unable to stop my laughter.

“Katie, you’re being gross,” Elizabeth piped in just then.

“Sorry Lizz Lizz,” Katie apologized meekly.“Dorogaya, u menya volosataya zadnitsa?” Peter asked me in Russian. “U tebya nemnogo putanitsy,” I shrugged as he turned off of the freeway and onto the road that led up to our house. “No u Josh na zadnitse boroda.” 

“Don’t I know sweetheart, don’t I know,” he chuckled, turning into our driveway and pausing as the garage door opened.

“Hey wolf moon, come cast your spell on me,” I sniggered as he parked and killed the ignition.“No ty lyubish' moy bol'shoy volchiy chlen,” he snarled, shooting a smoldering gaze my way. “Pravil'no dorogaya?” 

My panties were automatically sopping wet.

Dorogaya, u menya volosataya zadnitsa, sweetheart do I have a hairy ass, Russian

U tebya nemnogo putanitsy, you have a little bit of fuzz, Russian

No u Josh na zadnitse boroda, but Josh has a beard on his ass, Russian

Pravil'no dorogaya, right sweetheart, Russian 

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

#Real person fiction (RPF) #Tattooed Wings #Peter Thomas Ratajczyk #Type O Negative #Vanessa Rose Pickings/ little girl #Special needs baby #Aria Bradley #Evie Bradley #Deaf #American Sign Language (ASL) #Elizabeth Ratajczyk #Alopecia #Thomas Joseph Ratajczyk/ Baby Tommy #Autism #Katie Ratajczyk #Down’s Syndrome #Baby Violet Marie #Neonatal death #Baby Eve Lynn Ratajczyk #Abandoned baby #Matthew James Ratajczyk/ Baby Mattie #Brandon Edward Ratajczyk/ Baby Teddy #Josephine Rose Ratajczyk/ Baby Jojo #Matching tattoos soulmate AU

[michellemisfit]

Thank you @rereadanon & @energievie for thinking of me, and @celestialmickey for creating the game!

🌈 Macy's Tag Game Tuesday! 🌈

Name: Michelle (Mys)

Age: 38

Where in the world are you: London, UK

The meaning behind your URL: When I got into early 2000 British Indie music everyone in a - not yet famous but oh so close to making it!! - band had a real first name and a last name consisting of part of their band name (Zac Needs of Special Needs for example) and everyone who was band adjacent went by a first name and a (often, but not always, alliterative) made up last name (Dave Danger, Zosha Bangles, Sophie Thunder, Laura Love, and so on…) hence Michelle Misfit. Which also fit into all the art I was doing at the time (for pay and not) and the dreams of opening a little shop in Camden on day, all of which came under Misfit Design. So the name is 20+ years old, but also Bradley James knows that that’s my username and has said it live on air (with no prompting what so ever!!) so I can never ever change it now! Hahaha

Your second favourite colour: Maroon

Any pets: Two cats, Wiggins & Howard - you can read all about them here. And also a farm full of livestock.

Favourite Season: Autumn. I work outdoors 70% of the time, so really really hot and really really cold are EVIL.

Last Thing you Read: I’ve just started the latest chapter of Dead Meet by @look-i-love-u & @energievie. Love love love.

Last Song you Listened to:

What are you wearing right now: erm… some strategically placed bubbles… 🛁

A hobby of yours: Fandom. Archery. Drawing.

Your comfort show and movie: I rotate, mostly because streaming services suck and randomly remove stuff I need to keep me happy, and appliances with DVD players are harder and harder to come by! But the list includes Buffy, Black Books, The Good Place, Parks & Rec, BBC Merlin (S1-S3), Queer Eye, Community, Taylor Tomlinson’s Netflix Specials, Middleditch & Schwartz,Great British Bake Off, and basically every other competitive baking show that exists… I don’t have a comfort movie, really, but Ruth’s comfort movie is Still Crazy, so it’s kind of become mine, too

And finally, what are you up to today? Recovering from seeing Death Cab for Cutie @ The Roundhouse last night, and getting ready to dress up and see Death Cab for Cutie @ The Royal Albert Hall tonight. Life is good right now!!!

🌈 I’m tagging @look-i-love-u, @deedala, @sufferwell1013, @thefairytail, @auds-and-evens, @heymrspatel, @gallawitchxx, @creepkinginc, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @sweetbee78, @lingy910y, @spaceofentropy, @callivich, @orca122, @francesrose3, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, and @gallavichgeek

#tag game #Tuesday tag game #on a Wednesday 🤷🏽‍♂️ #Mys stuff #death cab for cutie #🙌🥰🙌🥰🙌🥰 #tag you’re it

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

rewatched mirror mirror. as was voted the other day. here are my thoughts. i told you you're not allowed to be mad at me when i get mean, you all voted for this. i told you i was going to be mean, don't you dare get mad at me for being mean about the movie i consistently bring up in a negative light that you voted for me to watch again!! anyway.

perhaps this movie's most egrigious sin was making me fall in love with it at 11 years old. i can't in good conscious say that it's really "bad", this was THE movie for me when i was 11. i'm literally always calling this "my movie from when i was 11" this movie is as much a part of me as my genetically bad knees. however. i fucking hate my knees. worst part of my body fr. just like this movie is the worst defining movie i've ever had, all things considered.

its not necessarily truly a Bad Movie. it’s just that the only things that are truly good about it are a) the aesthetics. everyone on every visual design team was slaying on this movie, the costuming the production design the hair department the prop team the vfx artists the fucking genius that designed the dvd to look like an apple with a bite taken out of it.... just wall to wall GORGEOUS aesthetics oh my god. and b) julia roberts is here

other than that it's lackluster to just nothing. where to even start. the misogyiny? no let's circle back to that. let's start with the underutilization of my bff robert emms. also known as pythagoras bbc atlantis. hi bestie <3 i wish you got to be in this movie more. ok next thing. it's gonna be another complaint about an actor. yeah that one. no it's not just because i'm mad at him for last weeks sleep movie debacle. although i am still mad about that, that has nothing to do with the fact that he is a mediocre to quite poor actor, and he brings such a bad vibe to this character i am literally suppossed to be charmed by. even at 11 i had a sense of bad vibes. i could tell there was something unchic afoot etc. i was always so mad when snow white would fall in love with him every time i watched the movie but i knew it was suppossed to happen that way so i didn't really mind. but i hated it, i hated him. he's not a good person, and he's not that charming, and he's played by a man who seems to think he's in a combination knockoff shonda rhimes drama and a strange fantasy animated sitcom in 2005. can't explain that stuff just vibe or don't. he thinks he could do bbc merlin. he couldn't. not with 100% of his effort. conversely, bradley james could do this movie with three days notice and no script, and that's really saying something because he's like only the fourth or fifth most talented actor in that show's main cast. anyway why didn't they cast someone lily collins actually had good chemistry with. am i being crazy rn because i think he's got bad vibes or do you guys notice that they don't have good chemistry too? it's not bad per se. it could be better tho.

and where to begin on the weird. kink stuff. jesus christ. are we not suppossed to talk about that stuff? did you guys not notice that stuff? are you ignoring it because of the cool costumes? i don't even want to talk about it really i just think it's weird that no one ever wants to bring that up.

anyway i guess that brings us back to the misogyny. nobody likes it when i say stuff like this and i know nobody likes it but i'm gonna keep doing it beause i am so fucking sick of this patriarchy shit and how it invades literally every aspect of life on this earth and i am constantly intimately aware of all of it all the time and it makes me so angry just to like. exist in the world with all of this rage and knowledge and no power to truly change anything outside my own small life and circle and community. and like to have to log on to the chronically online assholes talking about media analysis website and still no one wants to talk about the fucking. misogyny that bleeds through every movie. is ridiculous. this movie wants to pretend that it's a girl power story just because they gave snow white a sword. it's very 2012. except that other media was doing the exacxt concept of "badass snow white" in 2011. 2007. 2005. like, i was there, i know everything there is to know about it, unfortunately. she's not a badass just because she can hold a sword she's a badass because she hates taxes. and she was useless with that sword anyway so what was the point of giving it to her, just so you could say you gave snow white a sword? just so you could get a little training montage? and then we ignore that half the dudes in this montage are routinely demeaning and objectifying her because she's a woman. ok work. feminism! and her love interest hates women and literally consistently devalues her capability and does not ever learn anything the whole time? and they're in true love? and then they get married after he has undergone zero character development and presumably still views her as inferior because of her gender and now he's going to become the king of HER kingdom and rule HER people? yeah that's the future gloria steinem envisioned.

i don't mean to say she's not a strong character, because she is, i wouldn't have latched onto this movie so strongly with my grubby little 11 year old hands if she hadn't been. but it's just so disheartening that a huge piece of this movie and this whole story in general is the love between her and the prince, and then this movie did so well making her a well rounded character who consistently defied expectations of the role she was meant to play as a woman in her society, and then she married a man that looked down on her and her values and her femininity, and HE gets to become the king of HER kingdom someday. i think he should kill himself. i hope she kills him after a year of marriage. i hope no one mourns him.

and really the whole "edgy(ish) modern fairy tale adaptation" thing is rarely done well, in a way that both honors it's source material and the traditions and conventions they came from, and creates something new. this movie was on a great track, it really does do quite well in this regard i won't pretend otherwise. i always gripe about how true love's kiss is represented in modern media, and this movie is not an exception to that (the POINT of it in fairy tales is not that the characters knew a kiss of love would save their beloved, the point is that they DON'T know that true love's kiss will save them. the kiss happens because it is a final gesture of love to a doomed lover. the point is that true love's kiss brings the lover back because the one that kissed them loved them so much even when all hope was lost. whatever it doesn't matter that much) anyway. the only thing really is that it suffers from Made By A Man Disease. not to be confused with the mere fact of being made by a man. it's different. and the men that did this one have some serious issues they need to unpack with a therapist and maybe also their mothers. it's just like. you'll never be the american broadcasting company's once upon a time (2011-2018) created by edward kitsis and adam horowitz. you'll never be her.

AND ANOTHER THING. i know am literally always saying that movies should end with musical numbers a la ella enchanted (you just can't go wrong when you follow your heart and end with a song fr) however. the ending musical number in this movie feels. slightly off. i like that it's very bollywood-esque, that definitely helps it stand out at least. it's not that it doesn't work, because it kind of does. or it works just enough. i think the thing i dislike about it is that they didn't commit hard enough, it plays on half the screen while credits go on the other half, it's like it's a little add on to the end and not the actual ending, lame! also the lyrics are very tonally off with the rest of the movie tbh. "i belive in love"? yeah girl, we know, the whole movie is about how you saved yourself and all the people you cared about from an opressive ruler becasue you loved them and wanted life to be better for these people you loved. you didn't like. learn to believe in love as this song might suggest... idk. it's not really about the lyrics it's more the uncommitted thing. also. the bollywood inspo would have been less tonally inconsistent if there were evan a hint of that in any of the other music in here. unfortunately. so it doesn't gel well and i kinda hate it for those reasons.

anyway hi clary i just saw you on friday <3 hi pythagoras i just saw you on wednesday <3 hi julia roberts, you've been on my tv a few times lately too <3 and hi to no one else in here that i may have seen recently.

#k that’s my piece. #beth.txt #mirror mirror #tagged purely for organizational purposes

[polizwrites]

WIP Update - 7 Feb 2023

Finally back on track after vacation with a very productive week!  I touched 8 fics ( 2 WIPs & 6 new works) for a total of  3567 words!  I also have over FOUR HUNDRED works posted on Ao3 as of this past Friday! 🎉 🎊🎉

On Ao3, I posted: Save Us All From the State We’re In  -  Bucky & Sam bonding through adversity. Come Again Some Other Day  - introspective Bucky thinking about getting caught out in the rain.   A Visitor to the Library -   Tony and Stephen established relationship fluff.

On Tumblr I posted: Make My Heart Come All Undone (Continuation) -  No Powers AU  surfer!Tony (with a secret) and amputee!Bucky.  A Secret Garden -  Bucky discovers a life-threatening secret Tony is trying to hide (spoiler: it’s hanahaki) Flying the Flag of Freedom -  No Powers/Pirate/Historic AU: Steve and Bucky are pirates who target slave ships. Recollection of Anticipation -  Steve & Bucky introspection mid-CA:TFA.

I have  12 active WIPs  with my current  deadline being the  Stuckony  Valentine Cards  event (due 10 Feb), along with the February Ficlet Challenge, Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo 2023  and the  Tony Stark Bingo (all ending 28 Feb)

See below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Twenty-one fills posted over 18 fanworks with 6 bingos (Rows 1, 3 & 5 and Columns A & B and 1 diagonal) Masterpost

Stuckony Valentine Cards Event  [Ends 10 Feb]

This Ao3 Event solicited prompts for Stony, Stucky, WinterIron, and/or Stuckony works - it’s now in the creation phase, so if you’re looking to write something short and sweet (or smutty!) and are 18+ plus, feel free to check out the list of prompts!  I skimmed thru them before vacation, but now need to take another look & hopefully find something that I vibe with and can write by noon Friday!

Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo 2023  [BBB_F23] (Ends 28 Feb)

The Bucky Barnes Bingo team (@buckybarnesbingo​) is running a flash bingo this month - pick one of 5 premade cards (each with prompts starting from the same letter of his name)  and create some new content to share! 

I picked the U card  and here’s what I have so far:

* Unlucky -  Come Again Some Other Day  - posted last Friday. It’s an introspective piece with Bucky reflecting on how much he hates being rained on.

* Undone  - Filling this with a continuation of  Make My Heart Come All Undone  - No Powers AU featuring surfer!Tony (with a secret) and  amputee!Bucky.  I got a good start on this thanks to the  FFF23 Day 1 prompt: Wave.  Chapter 2  (Tony POV) is sitting at 584 words at the moment.

* Underdog - hoping to combine this  with my All Caps Bingo   Isaiah Bradley square - Bucky’s recollection of their fight. 

 Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Twenty fills with only one bingo so far and four WIPs at the moment -    with  Vague Ideas for almost every other square.   I am gunning for a blackout, tho will probably have to pull my Adopted squares in to make that happen. 

S5 - James “Rhodey” Rhodes -- probably crossing over with my AvB  Vulnerability square - I have a vague plot idea & title:   Tensegrity that I think I can pull together in time.

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  some sort of remix of/inspired by sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal  from Pepper’s POV.  At this point, I think I need to re-read the fic & take notes …   may need to scrap this idea & try something else. 

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - was going to combine this with  SRB  E4 - Mental Bondage but still may write up the idea I had - potential titled  My Voice the Chain that Binds You.

* A1 - AU: Regency -   finally cracked this with an outsider POV (Phil Coulson) of the events of To Tame a Werewolf.  The Steward of Brookside Manor is up to 185 words so far.  

*A5 - Scott Lang  - 27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Got inspired by last week’s Flash Fiction Friday  [#FFF188 Where Secrets Lie] and wrote up A Secret Garden  as the hopeful beginning of a longer piece.  It’s sitting at 289 words at the moment and will crossover with my AvB Unrequited Love square.

* K5 - Protectiveness – using this for the third (and probable final) chapter of my  Stony Western AU WIP   Come Down From Your Fences  (And Open the Gate)   The first draft is coming in at 907 words and I’m targeting posting on Friday.  

February Ficlet Challenge [FFC23]  (Ends 28 Feb 2023)

I’m participating in the @februaryficletchallenge,  where two prompts get posted each day.  You’re supposed to write a 200+ word ficlet within 24 hours and share it to the collection -  I’m ending up using these as prompts for longer works to fill bingo squares, but am posting each ficlet to Tumblr as I complete it.    Here’s what I have done so far:

Day 1: Wave -   see BBB_F23  Undone above.

Day 2: Caught in the Rain - see BBB_F23 Unlucky above.

Day 3: “What’s up, Doc?” -  I combined this with my AvB Kissed to Keep Quiet square for  A Visitor to the Library -- a bit of Tony/Stephen  (IronStrange) fluff.   It will get posted to Ao3 eventually.

Day 6: Pirate AU:  Combining this with my All Caps Bingo AU: Fugitive square.  Posted Flying the Flag of Freedom to Tumblr  and plan to expand on it for the bingo.  Steve and Bucky are pirates who target slave ships in order to free their cargo; but what happens when they come upon a ship of slaves who have freed themselves?

Day 7: Carnival/Amusement Park:  Combined this with my All Caps Bingo “This is payback, isn’t it?“  square for  Recollection of Anticipation  - where Bucky’s comment about the Coney Island Cyclone sparks memories for Steve. 

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023)

Eleven fills and one WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.

* B1 - Mutual Pining -  no specific idea, but it’s so On Brand for me I’m sure I’ll come up with something!  (maybe  the Centerfold fic idea I’ve been toying with)

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me. We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine).   Will probably continue on this sometime in February.   Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  square  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

Avengers Bingo Round Four [AvB_R4] (Ends 2 June)

This time around the card is a 3x3,  so am looking at writing different pairings for my two favorite Avengers - Tony and Steve.    I have 1 fill completed and one WIP, with a couple more ideas in play.

* A1 - Vulnerability - see TSB James “Rhodey Rhodes square above

* A3 - Kissed to Keep Quiet - see  FFF23  “ What’s up, Doc?” prompt above.

* B1 - Unrequited Love -  see TSB Secret Admirer square above.

* C3 - Dog Tags - seems like a good  Steve/Bucky  (or Steve/Sam?) square.

All Caps Bingo [ACB_R1]  (Ends 30 Sep 2023)

This new bingo focuses on Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson as its main characters - paired up with each other or anyone else!    I’ve got 1 completed fic and two different ideas for the One Fill, One Bingo Challenge - see this Tumblr post for details. 

* B2 - AU: Fugitive - see FFC23 Pirate AU above

* N1 - Rogers: The Musical -  with the encouragement of the ACBB Discord folks, I returned to the well and wrote up  Save Us All From the State We’re In   418 words of  Bucky & Sam bonding through adversity.

* O1 - “This is payback, isn’t it?” -   see FFC23 - Day 7: Carnival/Amusement Park above.

* O3 - Pararescue Sam Wilson  - may try to squish this into an expansion of  A Rising Star -  a previous Flash Fiction Friday fill. 

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a Captain America  Stuffed With Character figure in progress -  still working on the figures/props for my three Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners as well (7 of 8 done so far) – thanks so much for your generous support!!  Finally, I am prepping for a superhero con in March  and another con in June  so am pretty well booked up through spring/early summer.

That said, if you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations later in the year, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 100!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!

#writing stuff #WIP Update #WIP Wednesday #Shameless Self Promo

[fictionz]

New Fiction 2024 - March

Dark Disciple by Christie Golden (2015)

I couldn't binge SW without going to the library like the old days to grab one of the recent EU novels. This one continues the Asajj Ventress arc that was cut from the final Clone Wars seasons, and I'm ambivalent about the course of events. But it looks like I chose the perfect time to read it because the final season of The Bad Batch will address things that annoyed me about the ending.

Cathedral by Michael A. Martin & Andy Mangels (2002)

It was feeling a bit shaky in the previous novel (This Gray Spirit) with a lot of time spent on less interesting nuance, but this novel saves this short series by trimming off the expositional fat and keeping up the pace. The cliffhanger ending was fantastic and I've been jittery waiting until I can move on to the next one.

Moby-Dick; or, The Whale by Herman Melville (1851)

Herman, pal, I know what you were going for with the middle 2/3 of this book, but that really should've been a standalone expansion. Tolkien (or maybe his editors) knew to leave that to its own thing. In any case, WHAT A BOOK. How is this from the mid-1800s? Great beginning, great ending, interesting middle for those who can get through the instructional texts on whales and whaling.

"leave your laundry on the floor for them" by Pocketss (2024)

It's good to recycle.

Star Wars Jedi: Survivor dev. Respawn Entertainment (2023)

I miss some of the more alien environments from the first game. They definitely borrowed spaghetti western cues from Mandalorian for this, and you see below how much I gripe about that show's influence. Cal's still kind of a dud. But it's great overall. What a fun, huge, expensive-looking game. How does any SW developer going forward beat this?!

Drive-Away Dolls dir. Ethan Coen (2024)

It's reaching out toward those 90s crime comedies the Coens had going, but just kinda falls short. I can't put a finger on what exactly is missing. Maybe it doesn't go far enough?

Madame Web dir. S.J. Clarkson (2024)

One of those laugh-at-the-dialogue-that-isn't-meant-to-be-funny affairs.

Perfect Days dir. Wim Wenders (2024)

I've over the moon for this movie. Just perfect in every way. I felt it in my bones, watched it ten times at theaters all over the area as I chased down showtimes, and I'll gladly watch it again.

The Peasants dir. DK Welchman & Hugh Welchman (2024)

Holy crap, I missed Loving Vincent but this makes me wanna go and check that out, because this animation technique is gorgeous. All of the performances were great, too.

Stopmotion dir. Robert Morgan (2024)

Stopmotion, puppets, horror, madness. It's a perfect combination.

The Taste of Things dir. Tran Anh Hung (2024)

I haven't seen food shot this beautifully since Food Wars.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – To the Hashira Training dir. Haruo Sotozaki (2024)

Never watched an episode before and I can say that was a helluva fight.

Maestro dir. Bradley Cooper (2023)

Man, I mean, he did it, he sure damn did it, but should he have?

Land of Bad dir. William Eubank (2024)

When the shit hits the fan.

Imaginary dir. Jeff Wadlow (2024)

I was in from the get-go, but it did need a certain something. Maybe 25% more creepy toys.

Love Lies Bleeding dir. Rose Glass (2024)

You'll think you know where it's going but it does not go there.

The American Society of Magical Negroes dir. Kobi Libii (2024)

Justice Smith and An-Li Bogan did amazing work in The American Society of Magical Negroes. Everyone in the cast and crew, really, but they portrayed a lot of complicated feelings and fears with aplomb and also had a really sweet romantic scene that got to me like no romantic scene in recent memory. I fell for Bogan’s character just like Smith’s character did. (And they respond to that by the end.)

Shayda dir. Noora Niasari (2023)

Scheming and plotting to convince my higher-ups to cast Zar Amir Ebrahimi in any of our projects because I just wanna see her cast in more stuff.

One Life dir. James Hawes (2023)

More than most of us.

Problemista dir. Julio Torres (2024)

When there's no choice but to suffer and no one will understand.

Luca dir. Enrico Casarosa (2021)

Oh, this is just The Little Mermaid retold (affectionate).

Late Night with the Devil dir. Cameron Cairnes & Colin Cairnes (2024)

They needed more insanity and a higher frequency of it.

Immaculate dir. Michael Mohan (2024)

Whoa BUDDY, props to Sweeney for going for it in the end.

Exhuma dir. Jang Jae Hyun (2024)

I feel like I'm missing a critical cultural understanding here to get past my tepid response.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2 dir. Rhys Frake-Waterfield (2024)

I didn't need to do this again.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire dir. Adam Wingard (2024)

Closing in on minimal humans and maximum giant monsters.

The Bad Batch - Season 2 (2023)

Yep, nailed it. They have great character moments here and it continues the tradition of "oh the clones are more interesting than most everyone else."

Andor (2022)

First half is two thumbs up, second half is one shaky thumb up. Big Mandalorian vibes with the whole return from whence you came narrative arc. I'd like to see them break away from Favreau's influence (I unfairly pin the live action ups and downs on him).

The Mandalorian - Season 3 (2023)

It's getting weird with the father figure thing. And it's befuddling when one has to catch a different show to understand key beats in Mandalorian and Grogu's story. Hype status for more seasons is low.

Ahsoka (2023)

The get-togethers are fun, but it meanders a bit and the ending was a headscratcher. Great combat and Star Wars-iness though. I'd come back for more with a hopeful glint in my eye.

Star Wars Resistance (2018-2020)

They could've had something good here, but they really whiffed most of season 1. It starts to get good at the end of s1 and maybe through half of s2, but then they seemed to tie things up hastily when they knew they were getting cancelled. Can't recommend. :(

Tales of the Jedi (2022)

Anthology Star Wars?! Anthology Star Wars!! They make me care about characters from the movies that meant nothing to me, as is Filoni and co's way.

Star Wars: Visions (2021-2023)

MORE anthology Star Wars?!! And "Screecher's Reach" in the second season kinda wrecked me. Just typing this out makes me think of it again and the tears well. It's from the Secret of Kells studio and it's just a phenomenal short. Both anthology shows are must-watch.

The Outer Limits - Volume 2 (1964)

I'm surprised how little of this first season carries through to the 90s revival that I love so much.

#new fiction #new fiction 2024

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Name: Robin Gardner Designation: Dominant Age: 33 Birthdate: March 14, 1990 Claim: Dallas Evans-Gardner Faceclaim: Bradley James Orientation: Pansexual/AntiRomantic Occupation: Manager of Car Dealership Kinks: Breathplay, Temperature play, TPE, denial, exhibitionism, orgies, waterspouts, humiliation, pain play, sensory deprivation. Anti-Kinks: scat, romance anything, petplay, ageplay

Key Points: 

Charismatic, easily likable

Can be attention seeking

Doesn’t trust easily, likes to keep things playful and nonexclusive for as long as possible

Extremely claustrophobic

BIO 

TW - child abuse

Robin grew up in a home with parents who never really wanted him. He was an “oops” baby to young parents who didn’t have the capacity or desire to raise him in any kind of way. Robin was rambunctious as he grew older, always up to something and in the way. His parents would rather party, rather be out doing whatever it was they did, and they weren’t willing to spend the little money they had on a babysitter. So, many nights, they would dope him up with cough syrup and lock him in a closet in order to keep him “safe.” This led to hours of Robin crying and screaming, banging hard on the door until the cough syrup took its toll and he passed out. What’s worse - sometimes he’s parents would forget he was there, being woken from their hangovers a day or two later to the restart of his screaming and pounding.

His only salvation was his grandmother who checked in when she could, being a few hours a way, and he enjoyed all of his time with her. He would beg her to take him away every time she left, but not even she could believe his parents would do to him what he claimed. As Robin got older, locking him in a closet was no longer necessary, and in a moment of panic he removed all the closet doors in their small apartment. He never was able to put them back on or sleep with a door shut. 

When Robin was 19 his grandmother passed and he no longer saw any point to staying close by and made his way to an institute. It was hard to find his claim, considering most of them insisted on romance being part of the deal. If his upbringing taught him anything, it was that no one was capable of loving him, if his own parents couldn’t. Then he met Dallas. And, Robin wasn’t in love with him, but there was something about him Robin just couldn’t shake. The more they got to know each other, the more he realized he wouldn’t be able to continue on through his life without Dallas, who agreed to claim as a submissive for him. 

Robin always imagined multiple submissive, but there was no one else at their school who seemed to fit what the two of them had already built. So instead, they graduated and Robin took work selling cars at a car dealership, his charismatic charm making it easy. And when a promotion to run one of the locations came up, and when that location was near Dallas’ family, he jumped at it, making their way to Lima, Ohio. 

BIO QUESTIONS:

Describe your occupational journey and how you got to where you are.    - Honestly, I needed a job after Dallas and I graduated, and selling cars seemed like a good a job as any. Even better, Dallas could work at their repair centers, so it kind of worked out perfectly. How shocking it was when I discovered I was actually good at it. Slowly I worked my way up through sales and department supervisor, and was offered the manager position at the location here in Lima. 

How would you describe yourself as a Dominant/submissive?

 - People have referred to me as “intense” and sometimes “strict.” I don’t know, maybe that’s true. I tend to be clear in what I want and how one can achieve it. I mean what I say and while I’m not usually open to whining about it, I’m happy to discuss and make the final decision. 

How do you feel about authority?

 - I am the authority. No, I’m mostly kidding. I can respect that authority is needed to make the world turn, and am willing to respect the authority of others. That being said, I don’t believe in authority based on anything other than earning it. 

#riverdale rp #oc rp #original character #d/s rp #adult rp #taken #townsperson bio taken #townsperson bio #robin gardner

[waitimcomingtoo]

Protocol

Pairing: Brad Simpson x reader

Synopsis: the boys chase a drunk Brad down the street as he tries to make things right with you

Masterlist

“Hello?” Brad called out as he walked into the house. “I’m home.”

“Brad?” You froze in your tracks as a chill went down your spine. He came into your shared bedroom with an unsuspecting smile on his face, making your hands clench around the box in your hands.

“Hi darling.” He greeted you as he set his suitcase on the ground.

“What are you doing here?” You asked softly.

“I live here.” He teased before his eyes fell on the box in your hands. His face crumpled as he read “picture frames” written on the side in your handwriting.

“What are you doing?” He asked weakly, eyes never leaving the box.

“You said you were coming home tomorrow.” You reminded him.

“My flight was changed.” He told you. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. “You weren’t supposed to be home.”

“What are you doing?” He repeated, firmly this time. You looked down at the box, unable to look him in the eyes as he slowly figured out what was happening.

“I’m leaving.” You mumbled without lifting your head. Brad slowly looked around the room, finally seeing how empty it was without your belongings. He looked at you in confusion and you nearly broke down.

“You.” You continued. “I’m leaving you.”

“What?” His asked, voice cracking. “Why?”

“You’re never here.” You told him with a shaking voice. “I’m on my own more than I’m with you. And when you’re gone, you don’t call. You don’t call or text or really give me any sort of indication that you remember me. I can’t do this anymore, Brad. I’m done.”

“But...what?” He rubbed his face as he tried to process what you were saying.

“I’m not happy, Brad.” You said weakly. “You’re a perfect boyfriend when you’re home but the second you leave for tour, it’s like I don’t exist.”

“That’s not true.” He protested.

“Its not?” You laughed sadly. “We hardly ever speak. Look at your phone. When was the last time you texted me?”

Brad took out his phone, sure that you were wrong. He looked at his messages and sure enough, you were right.

“Wednesday.” He answered sheepishly.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “It’s Monday.”

“You’re leaving me because I haven’t texted you in a few days?” He asked.

“It’s not just that.” You whined and walked past him. He ran after you and stood in front of you.

“Then what is it?” He asked as he blocked your path.

“I shouldn’t have to explain it to you. You should know.” You said and tried to move past him.

“But I don’t. Please, baby. I don’t understand.”

You stopped trying to get past him and looked into his glassy eyes. It took everything in you not to unpack the box and stay with him. As much as you wanted to stay, you knew you had to leave.

“Bradley.” You sighed. “I wake up every morning and I have no idea if you love me or not. I can’t keep waiting for you to let me be a part of your life. I have to go.”

You walked past him and went out the front door with him following behind you.

“Please.” He begged. “Don’t leave. I can change.”

“I’ve heard that before.” You said as you walked faster to your car. You tried to open your car door but he put his hand on it to keep it closed.

“It will be different this time.” He assured you. “I promise.”

You looked at all your belongings in the backseat of your car for a minute before looking back at him. He was silently begging you to stay as tears slipped from his eyes.

“I just can’t believe you.” You shook your head. “I’m sorry.”

You walked around the car and got in the front seat but he caught the door before you could shut it.

“But, darling.” He cried. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” You told him. His eyes lit up as he hoped that meant you were changing your mind.

“It’s just not enough.” You continued. His hand slipped off the door in shock, and you were able to shut it. He watched you pull away as tears fell from his eyes, and that’s when he knew he had lost.

2 months later

The boys were sitting around in Tristan’s living room, all mindlessly scrolling through their phones. Brad noticed James smile suddenly, then look at Conner and Tristan. They shook their heads at him and James quickly put his phone down.

“What?” Brad asked when he noticed the strange interaction. The boys exchanged a look, and silently decided not to lie to Brad.

“Y/n just congratulated me on All Night hitting 500 million streams on Spotify.” James explained. Brad stiffened when he heard your name and looked to the other boys.

“Yeah.” Tristan nodded slowly. “She texted me too.”

“I wonder how she’s been.” Connor said, earning a glare from Tristan and James. Brad let out a defeated sigh and rubbed his face, also wondering how you had been. He couldn’t find the words to say, so he just hung his head in shame.

“Sorry, mate.” Connor apologized. “I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

“It’s fine.” Brad shrugged as he got up. He grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sipped it while looking out the window.

“I talked to Kirstie’s friend from work. Remember I told you about Heather?” James changed the subject. “She said she’d go out with you tonight if you want.”

“Sure.” Brad replied, hardly listening.

“Give her a chance mate.” James suggested. “You might like her.”

“Yeah.” Tristan agreed. “Especially since Y/n-“

Tristan was cut off with a harsh series of hushes from the other boys. Brad returned his attention to them, knowing they were trying to keep something from him.

“What about Y/n?” He asked.

“Nothing.” Connor said as he glared at Tristan.

“Tris.” Brad singled him out. Tristan looked at him apologetically and sighed.

“I heard shes seeing someone.” He admitted. Brad stumbled backwards a little as the wind was knocked out of him. He sat back down in the living room and stared at the wall.

“Dude.” James hit his arm.

“He asked.” Tristan defended himself. “And he was gonna find out eventually.”

“Brad, you okay?” Connor asked.

“I’m fine.” Brad replied as he wiped his eyes. “When does that Hannah want to meet?”

“It’s Heather.” James corrected. “And she said anytime.”

“All right.” Brad downed the rest of his beer and stood up. “I’m ready. Text me the address.”

“Don’t you want to get dressed?” James asked kindly, noticing Brad’s week old pajamas.

“I am dressed.” Brad gestured to himself.

“When was the last time you showered?” Tristan wondered.

“Or shaved?” Connor added.

“Wednesday.” Brad shrugged.

“Mate.” Connor sighed. “It’s Monday.”

“Well if she doesn’t like me for me, she’s more the one.” Brad gave them a tipsy smile and opened the front door.

“Okay.” James said wearily. “Have fun.”

Less than two hours later, Brad stumbled back through the front door and flopped onto the couch.

“Hey, man.” James greeted when he heard Brad come in. “How’d it go?”

“Horrible.” Brad mumbled. “She ordered Y/n’s favorite drink and it was downhill from there.”

“Brad.” James sighed and rubbed his friends back.

“James.” Brad whined. “I don’t need you to play matchmaker for me. I don’t want anyone else. I want Y/n. I miss her.”

“I’m sorry, mate.” He said. “But it’s over with Y/n. You have to move on.””

“I can’t move on.” Brad teared up again. “I love her.”

“I know you do.” James nodded. “But you can love her from a distance.”

“No.” Brad decided as he struggled it stand up. “I have to go to her house. I can talk some sense into her.”

Connor walked into the room right as James was trying to reign Brad in.

“What’s he doing?” Connor asked as he helped keep Brad in place.

“He’s drunk.” James explained. “And he’s trying to go to Y/n’s house.”

“I have to see her.” Brad slurred and went for the door.

“Woah woah woah.” Connor held him back. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“She’ll listen to me.” Brad declared. “She’ll listen this time. I know she will.”

“I think you should lie down and get some sleep.” James suggested.

“No.” Brad broke free from their grasp. “I’m going to her flat.”

“You can’t drive. You’re drunk.” Connor reminded him.

“I’ll walk.” Brad said as he went out the front door.

“Oh no.” Connor groaned. “Grab him.”

Connor and James chased Brad down the hall right as Tristan was coming up the elevator.

“Woah. Where’s he going?” He asked.

“To Y/n’s house.” James quickly explained as Brad ran out the front door of the apartment building. “Oh no. He got away!”

The boys quickly ran out of the apartment and searched the street for where Brad had gone.

“Brad!” Tristan called. “Where did you go?”

“Oh God.” Connor spotted him in the distance. “He’s running down the street.”

“Come on.” James sighed. “We have to get him.”

The boys chased Brad down the street, but never caught up to them. Even while drunk, he was faster than them. Brad found your apartment building and easily made it past the doorman. The boys finally caught up to him in the hallway by your door.

“Brad.” James tugged his arm towards the elevator. “We have to go home.”

“No.” Brad fought back. “I have to see her. I have to get her back.”

“You can’t just show up there.” Connor protested. “She won’t open the door.”

“I have to talk to her.” Brad slurred. “I have to try.”

“Just let him go.” Tristan sighed. “We’re not gonna be able to stop him.”

James reluctantly let go of Brads arm and let him go to your door.

“Y/n!” Brad called as he knocked on your door. “Open the door please.”

“Come on. You saw her door. Let’s go home.” James tried to tug him again.

“Y/n!” He ignored James and called again.

“She’s not home, mate.” Tristan shrugged. “Let’s go.”

“No. I have to see her.” He cried and knocked again. “Y/n. It’s Bradley. Open the door please.”

Suddenly, you opened your front door to see the boys with their arms around Brad, attempting to pull him away.

“Brad?” You asked when your eyes fell on him. Brad’s face softened and for a minute, he was stone cold sober. You couldn’t help but smile a little at him after not seeing him for months.

“We’re sorry.” James apologized. “We couldn’t stop him.”

“Hi darling.” Brad said weakly.

“Hi.” You chuckled a little at the sight in front of you. “Is he drunk?”

“Out of his mind.” Connor confirmed.

“I’m so sorry for everything.” Brad told you. “I’m sorry I drove you to leave.”

“Brad.” You said softly, finally seeing how broken he was without you. Your heart physically hurt from how badly you missed him.

“Please take me back.” He begged. “I miss you so much. I just want...”

Before he coudk finish his sentence, he passed out on the floor with a hard thud.

“Oh my God.” You gasped as stated at his limp body. “Is he okay?”

“I’m sorry.” Connor grabbed his leg and began to tug it. “We’ll take him home.”

“Wait. It’s okay.” You stopped him. “I’ll take care of him.”

“Are you sure?” Tristan asked.

“Yeah. I dated him for three years. I know how to take care of him.” You smiled softly.

“All right.” Tristan nodded. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too. I miss you guys.” You said as you pulled them into a group hug.

“We miss you.” Connor said as he patted your back. “Just keep an eye on him, okay? He does this a lot. It’s the first time he’s been able to slip through our fingers.”

“I’ll look after him.” You assured them. “And I’ll see you all soon.”

“See you.” James called as they walked towards your elevator. With the boys gone, you turned your full attention to Brad.

“Come on.” You shook him gently. “It’s time to get up.”

“Y/n?” Brad asked in a daze as he slowly woke up.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You chuckled as you tried to lift him. “God, you’re heavy. Woah, and stinky.”

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled from the ground.

“I know. Stand up.” You commanded, and this time he listened. He slowly stood up and swayed a little on his feet.

“We’re going inside, okay?” You said as you wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “Lean on me.”

You helped Brad into your apartment as he hung on your side like dead weight. His head was buried in your hair as you slowly helped him inside.

“You smell good.” He slurred in your ear.

“I wish I could say the same for you.” You teased as you held your breath. You carefully brought him to your couch and began to set him down.

“All right. Easy does it.” You said as you took his arm off of you and let him sit. Brad slumped on your couch like a rag doll and ran his fingers over the material.

“This is your couch?” He asked sleepily.

“Yeah.” You told him. “The previous owner left it.”

Brad winced a little as he remembered that you no longer lived with him and now had a place of your own.

“It’s nice.” He smiled weakly. “We used to have a couch together.”

“Yeah. We used to have a lot together.” You said softly as you sat next to him on the couch. Even though he was drunk, you could see the remorse in Brad’s eyes. He rubbed your couch with his hand and pouted.

“I miss that.” He mumbled. “I miss you.”

“I know, bear.” You modded. “Me too.”

“It’s been so long since you called me that.” He smiled a little when he heard his old nickname from your lips.

“I know.” You chuckled. “We haven’t talked in a while.”

“It’s my fault.” His smile fell. “I fucked everything up.”

“Yeah.” You said quietly. “You did.”

“I’m so sorry.” He told you. “I’ll never stop being sorry.”

“I’d be a lot more willing to forgive you if you took a shower.” You scrunched your nose at him.

“I can do that.” He laughed in his drunken state and tried to stand up. He almost fell over, but you quickly caught him.

“Come on.” You laughed as helped him walk towards the bathroom. “Into the bathroom.”

You lead him into the bathroom and let him lean against you as you walked. You told him it was to help keep him on his feet, but you really just missed his touch.

“Okay.” You pushed the bathroom door open. “We’re here. This is my shower.”

Brad stared at it for a minute as if he’d never seen a shower before.

“How do I use it?” He looked to you for help.

“You just turn the knob.” You laughed and turned the knob towards the hot water.

“Thats too much responsibility for me”. Brad mumbled under his breath.

“Its okay. It’s already warm.” You said as you ran your hand under the water. “Shampoo and conditioner are on the floor. The soap is in the dish.”

As you turned around, you saw Brad tangled up in his shirt with his arms crossed.

“Oh no.” You chuckled. “What happened here?”

“I’m stuck.” His voice was muffled behind the shirt over his head.

“I can see that. Come here.” You gestured for him to come over and he stumbled towards you. You helped him pull his shirt the rest of the way off, reminding you of that way you used to be. He flushed a little under your gaze, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

“You stink.” You scrunched your nose up again when his must hit you.

“I know.” He smiled a little. “Sorry.”

“I took one of your razors by accident. It’s in the cabinet behind the mirror.” You told him. “Use it, please. You look like a pedophile.”

“I’ll use it.” He said, never taking his eyes off you. You stared back at him as you fought the urge to lean in and kiss him right there. You took a step back before you could get ahead of yourself and patted his chest.

“Okay.” You smiled shyly at him. “Have fun in there.”

“I’ll try.” He called after you as you left the bathroom.

When Brad came out of the shower, there was a pile of his clothes sitting on the counter. You had stolen enough of his clothes to throw together an outfit for him. Next to the clothes was a glass of water and some aspirin. He got dresses, popped the pills in his mouth and downed the water before finding his razor in the cabinet.

Once he was done, he padded back into your kitchen and found you sitting at the island.

“There you are.” You smiled at him. “Much better.”

“I feel better.” He told you. “I puked in your toilet though.”

“Well then it’s a good thing I made you some food to fill back up.” You said as you put a plate of eggs and toast in front of him. He looked at you gratefully before digging in.

“Thank you so much.” He said with a mouthful. “I haven eaten in hours.”

“Really? You didn’t eat on your date?” You asked as you put another glass of water by his plate.

“I was hardly even there.” He shook his head. “I drank half the bar though. Wait, how did you know about my date?”

“Tris tells me everything.” You chuckled. “I knew you were on your way here before you even left.”

“Damn.” He laughed as well. You sat in comfortably silence until Brad remembered what drove him to get drunk in the first place. “He told me you were seeing someone.” He said without making eye contact with you.

“It’s not serious.” You shrugged. “It’s only been a few dates.”

Brad felt sick to his stomach as you confirmed his worst nightmare.

“Does he call when he says he will?” He laughed humorlessly.

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “And he texts me too.”

“Wow.” Brad rolled his eyes and took a bite of his toast. You got up and poured hot water into a mug before putting his favorite tea bag in it.

“And he owns his own business so he works whatever hours he wants.” You continued as you set the mug in front of him. “No weeks away in other cities.”

“He sounds perfect.” Brad mumbled as he took a sip of his tea.

“Yeah.” You nodded as you sat back down. “I wouldn’t really know, though.”

“Why not?” Brad perked up.

“Cause when I’m with him, all I think about is you.” You said sheepishly. Brad froze and looked at you hopefully when he heard you say this. You gave him a small smile and leaned your chin in your hand, raising your eyebrow a little to tell him the ball was in his court.

“I don’t deserve a second chance from you.” He shook his head. “I don’t deserve any of this.”

“Maybe not.” You agreed. “But I’m giving you one anyway.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He wondered. “You never had to open the door. But you let me in, cleaned me up and made me all this food. I broke your heart, remember? Why would you do all this for me?”

“Because I love you.” You said simply. “And l’ve been miserable without you. I should’ve stayed and worked things out. I can’t tell you how much I regret leaving like that.”

“It’s okay.” He nodded and put his hand on top of yours. “It was my fault. I drove you to leave. But I promise, if you come back, everything will be different. I’ll call you so much, you’ll get sick of me. And I’ll start taking you with me on tour. No more months away. I promise.”

“I really want to believe you.” You sighed and toyed with his fingers. “I already know you’re sorry. You left me about 40 voicemails telling me that you are. You’re lucky I haven’t turned one into a song yet.”

“I guess I am pretty lucky.” He chuckled slightly.

“I still might.” You teased. “Next time you piss me off, I’m making a single out of “y/nnnn. I miss you. Please take me back” and getting on the charts.”

“Please don’t.” He whined as he got out of his seat and walked around the kitchen island to be near you.

“As long as you keep your word and make some changes, I won’t have to.” You smiled softly now that he was close to you.

“Thank you for letting me in tonight.” He spoke softly as he eyes stayed on your lips. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome, bear.” Your lips tugged into a full smile. You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your forehead against his, relishing in his warmth. Brad took the initiative to lean forward and kiss you for the first time in two months. Three actually, since he’d been away on tour. You pulled him closer to deepen the kiss, feeling like you never wanted to pull away.

“Thank you for taking me back. I love you so much.” He mumbled against your lips. You rested your head on his shoulder and gently swayed with him in the kitchen, missing him more than words can say.

“I love you too, bear.”

#brad simpson x you #brad simpson x reader #brad simpson fluff #brad simpson fanfiction #brad simpson #the vamps x you #the vamps

[shelobussy]

Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3

#susan pevensie #the chronicles of narnia #the problem of susan #narnia #meta #narnia meta #susan meta #ash does fandom #ash does meta

[nina-wrote-this]

Last Romance - One Shot.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader 

Summary: You move on after Thanos’s Snap, but a ghost from the past still wants to make things right. 

Warnings: Sadness, break up and a lot of melancholic ;)

Word count: 1,555

A/N: Hello, loveees! So, this is my first Bucky One Shot and I have this idea after having a dream with Sebastian Stan :) I also used two songs as inspiration: Long Break – Moody Woody and Último Romance / Last Romance – Los Hermanos (they are my favorite Alt-Rock Brazilian band). I’ll put the links below the GIF and if you want to listen while read, it will be an even better experience! I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think! If you find any typos, please let me know (English isn’t my mother tongue)!  

INFINITY WAR AND ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!

Song’s links: Long Break - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGh_Iyw6fgI | Último Romance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27TT85GA9VM 

Telluride, Colorado.

2 years after they come back.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bradley! Have a good night!” You gently said getting the heavy paper bags with all the fresh ingredients for your wedding anniversary.

“For you too, Darling! Enjoy your husband!” The old lady smirks.

“You can count on that!”

Your life was perfect now. After Stark’s death and all the story with Thanos, most part of the heroes and allies decide to get there retire, and you are one of this people.

You cross the country moving from the Avengers compound to a small town in Colorado, laying down your weapons and abilities and getting your brushes and canvas. At somehow, you were still trying to save people, but now using art.

And you have him. The man who give you more than you expect: love, safety, partnership and calm. Blake was amazing. You two rebuild yourselves together when everything happened.

Blake used to be an Interpol agent and his wife and daughter died in a car crash when the Snap happened, there uber's driver faded away and the car fell off a cliff.

You two found each other in the help group Steve used to organized. You moved in together, you grow together, you cried together and fight together against your own demons. Blake supported your decision to risk your life on the time travel and fight the battle even knowing that the first man you ever loved would come back. Blake would love you regardless of the choice you would have made.

And you choose Blake, he was your future.  

You drive through the shy suburb of the small town, and thank for being there.  

At the end of the street, was your house. A yellow wood little house in the middle of a large grassy rectangle, surrounded by hibiscus and white roses.  

Soon you get in, you start putting your plans in action. Pasta, broccoli, tomatoes, lettuce, Blake's favorite – weird – cheese, 3 bottles of wine. Cut, cook, wash, decorate, another glass of wine… shit, I can’t get high yet.

The music that was playing on the living room suddenly stopped and a strange familiar metal sound came to your ears.  

After years surrounded by wars, crazy insane Titans, Hydra and Shield, your mind was pretty fucked up. So, yes, a nosy sound was something to worry about.

You walked slowly following what was bordering your thoughts, but you didn’t have to do too much. Just few steps, and you see him in the corner of the room. I’ll always be in the shadows, babe. The memory of his voice hits your mind like a shoot.

“You scare me…” You took one last sip of your wine.

“Your place is beautiful.” His eyes were haunted and his voice come out like a whisper.

You nodded smiling.  

“How are you?” He tried to approach but stopped himself.

“Good. You know, retirement does me good.” You cross your arms, protecting yourself from your old feelings. “And you, how have you been? Still living in Wakanda?”

He faced the floor taking a deep breath.  

“I… I left Wakanda right after you…” He hesitated and you knew why. “I'm working with Sam now.”

You try to keep smiling, but your eyes meet with his, and you could read them like an open book: He was broken.  

James has a fucked up brain, he has his issues and Hydra problems, but the way he looked like now was something deeper. Years before, you saw this same look but was in your own eyes, every damn day, when you woke up and see yourself on the mirror.  

He was alone, he missed you.

“James, say it.” You broke the silence and he frowned. “You invade my house at the exact moment my husband isn’t. The only thing that motivated you to came here is because you probably have something to say. So, please… Just say it!”

“I miss you!” He didn’t even search for the right words. “And I want you back. I need you back!”  

“Don't!” You turn your back to him walking back to the kitchen. “Don't tell me you come here today to say this after all these two years, James.”  

For the first time he come closer to you.

“What did you expect?” He asked confuse. “Y/N, do you really think I'm doing this for fun? You know this isn't easy for me, talk about these things, and I know you can read me easily than anyone.” He said fast.

“James, I know you're in pain. But, if is hard for you, believe me, it’s two times harder for me.” You point your finger to him. "For you was like fall asleep for a couple of hours, but for us, for me, was and still being an eternity.” Tears already falling in the corner of your eyes.

“So, what was the purpose, Y/N? Bring me back, so you could feel good to yourself and return to your happy fake life?” His voice sounded disappointed and his metal arm fisted against the sink. “эгоистичный!”

Your heart broke in little pieces and the control was gone.

"Don't you dare call me selfish!" Your voice was cracking and the regret filled his eyes. "Did you really think that I left you because I don't love you anymore?"

He took a long breath, and you try to hide your tears.

“You still love me?” He gets closer to you without losing the fragile eye contact.

“Is this matter now?” Your eyes break the contact running the kitchen and your hands falling down in redemption. “Don’t hurt yourself, моя любовь.” You asked.

He placed his hands on each side of your face and bring to his chest. The cold of the leather jacket in contact with your skin sent a shiver down your spine.

Even knowing this was – at somehow – wrong, you let yourself relax on his embracing. James was warm, his muscles created a protective barrier around you and his fingers caressed your body looking for all the parts where your skin were naked for him. Your arms crossed around his neck and on tiptoes you barred your face on his shoulder.

“You cut your hair…” Your cracking voice whisper to him trying to break the tension, while you run your hand through his hair strands.

“Like you always suggest.” He smirked bringing you to face him. Yours foreheads touched and his eyes found your soul. “Come back, Y/N! I do anything to have you back, моя любовь…” His lips brushed against yours. “Whatever you want, just tell me, and we will do it, okay?”

For a couple of seconds, you imagined your life with James. Maybe both of you living in a big farm, waking up together, getting back the time you two lost. Kisses, shy touches, his overprotection full time, your crazy manias and his strange neuroses. Was perfect. Was much better than the time you guys lived in Wakanda.  

But was too late.  

You were sure you didn’t take the break up decision alone. You have asked him what life he wanted for himself and he choose to continue Steve's legacy, but you wasn’t available to live that kind of life anymore. Follow different ways was the best decision.

He tried to kiss you hardly, but you get back.

“I can’t, James…” You grabbed his black shit. “We can’t…” He closed his eyes and kissed your forehead. He felt the goodbye was happening again.  

The car's engine rumbled on the garage bringing you back to reality. Blake was arriving home.

“Y/N, we can…” James tried, but you knew what you have to do.

“Go.” You direct to the backyard door. “Now!”

“Where is my beautiful, lovely, super hot wife?” Blake screamed at the front door.

James leaves the house without looking to you, without any noise.

You clean the tears of your face, put on the best happy face and waited for your husband get in the kitchen.

“There she is!” His sexy voice said.

You turn around and there was Blake: dressed with his Professor social attire, flowers in one hand.  

Blake you’re perfect.  

“Hello, Mister sexy voice!” You kissed him slowly and intense.

But you’re not James…

He gets his hands free and finally hold you spinning around ourselves.

“You okay, honey?” He took a look on your eyes. “Looks like you cried, or something like that… Is everything good?”

Blake is perfect.

“Yes, honey!” You smile shooking your head and squeezing your eyes. “It’s just the wine!”

But he is not James…

The living player come back with the song. Último Romance / Last Romance, Los Hermanos. Your honeymoon song.

“Right on time!” Blake automatically pressed his body against yours and start following the music melody, singing slowly.

“I love you, Y/N. Happy wedding anniversary!” He kissed your neck.

“I love you too, honey. Thanks for everything…” You rest your head on his shoulder.

You two stayed on that moment, seams like forever. When your eyes find the kitchen’s window you locked on James's eyes, staring your perfect moment.

“E ninguém dirá que é tarde demais / And no one will say it’s too late

Que é tão diferente assim / That’s so different

Do nosso amor a gente é que sabe / About our love, is us who knows”

*******************************************************************************************

A/N: What you guys think about some continues of this one shot? Maybe like, Y/N and Bucky's  time living in Wakanda, or Y/N’s wedding day, Y/N and Bucky’s break up... I really enjoy write this story ahahahah :) 

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #Sebastian Stan #marvelfanfic #buckyoneshot #gifimagine #breakupstory #melancholic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader #avengersinfinitywar #avengers infinity spoilers #avengers endame spoilers #avengers endgame #bucky x female reader #james bucky barnes #bucky fluff #winter solider fanfiction #write fanfics #fanfic #winter solider x y/n #winter solider imagine #winter solider x you

[just-my-type-x]

Love Again part 1 - Brad Simpson

Sorry for this being sooo long

It’s been a while since i’ve known Brad. We met in high school, i was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I always mocked him for being younger than me, even tho the age gap is just a few months. I think i have  always been in love with Brad. Not neceserily from the moment i met him, but i knew he was going to cause some trouble in my life, since i was already in a relationship for a year at that point and somehow i felt that my relationship would become a target to my own feelings. I didn’t believe myself then that i am faithful enough to go through a friendship with him while having someone already and i was right. Don’t think i cheated on my boyfriend, because phisically, i couldn’t and i wouldn’t. Never. Sometimes, your thoughts are the ones that cheat for you and that should be enough for you to realize it’s not ok to do that to anybody. Of course, before all this, Brad and i were super flirty, we would look at each other across the hallway and try to look uninterested, but we would both find ourselves walking towards one another and we would stop midway to say hello, hug really tightly. Some days he would pass me by and all of a sudden he would kiss my cheek and drag me down the hallway to go outside with him and our friends. Little things like these made my heart go wild for him. I ended up in a place where i didn’t know what i wanted to do with my life.

When i found my courage, i broke up with my boyfriend, but i knew karma had it coming. I was finally ready to tell Brad everything about my feelings, but that’s when i also found out that he got a girlfriend. Little pieces broke from my soul and i told myself that i don’t need him, either as my friend or my boyfriend.

Months passed by and we became really close all of a sudden, and one summer, he just showed up at my doorway, with flowers, confessing how much he cares about me and how much he thought of us getting together. I accepted his request to be his girlfriend, even if i knew how long he will be gone from home, since he already started the band.

2 years went by and things were going really great,until social media helped me figure out my “destiny” with Mr. Simpson. He was photographed with a girl holding hands in a park, then at dinner and then they were spotted kissing in his car. I set those pictures to him and asked him nicely not to talk to me ever again. I was broken. All those memories made with Brad became insignificant and disappeared as i was looking at those photos again and again.

Now, 2 years later, the boys asked me to come on tour with them for a few shows in England, since i started a singing career as well. I stayed friends with them and chatted almost every night. I even started to talk to Brad every once in a while, when i would facetime one of the boys. It didn’t hurt to see him as much as i thought. Maybe i was healed and recovered. 

“Heeeey bestie”, Tristan yelled when i got out of the uber’s car. I ran towards him, leaving my suitcases in the middle of the parking lot,anf i jumped in his arms, him lifting me up and stopping my breathe because of how tight the hug was. I saw then James and Connor and they did the same as Tristan. I told them how much i missed them and that we needed to hang out together a lot more. Brad appeared in the parking lot and my heart sank a little. He looked so good in his shirt and with his glasses on and i remembered how deeply in love i was with this man in front of me. He was walking up to us and i could see the boys tense up and become awkward next to me. I didn’t hesitate and i ran towards Brad and jumped in his arms. He was surprised, but he picked me up and inhaled my scent. I did the same, tears blurring my view, but i sent them away.

“I missed you a lot, asshole”, i told him and i smiled still hugging him. I coulf feel a small smile on his face too. 

“I deserved the nickname. I missed you like crazy and you have no idea how sorry i am”, he broke the hug and i looked at him. He had red eyes and i wondered if he slept at all the night before.

“It’s in the past. I knew we should’ve stayed best friends”, i laughed and my own sentence broke me. The forming tears stung my eyes, but they went away when the guys and Joe joined us.

“It’s good, you’re both alive and you don’t seem angry. I think Connor lost the bet, we’re getting them out alive from the first concert”, Joe laughed and i joined when i saw Connor shake his head and take out of his wallet 100 pounds.

“If that’s on how much money you  bet, you should’ve done it with me. I could make sure i won those 100.”, i said and Brad kicked me in the arm softly, but he let out a giggle.

We went into the venue and saw how amazing the stage was decorated. I could feel goosebumps, thinking about the upcoming show. I went backstage with the boys and ate together, while rehearsing a few songs with the guitars. It felt weird being around the person i loved the most, but i also needed to be around him to realize the world hasn’t ended, that he can still be my friend.

I was now alone in my dressing room, when Joe entered and we smiled at each other. 

“How are you feeling?”, he asked and i sat down next to him on the leather couch.

“Surprisingly good. It didn’t hurt that much, we are ok, i guess things will go great this tour.”, i smiled,but the regret was screaming loudly in my voice. It was noticeable enough for Joe, who looked down to the setlist.

“Would you be confortable singing Would you with them on stage?’‘

With no warning whatsover, Joe asked me and i felt my heart dropto the floor. Would You was the song that reminded me the most about everything that went on after the break up. Fans also had theories that the lyrics were about me, but i never wanted to accept that somebody else thought the same thing as me.

“Brad asked me if you’re willing to do this”, he continued and his voice woke me up from the memory lane.

“Uhm what?”

“He said he wants to make it up to you and since you know the song talks about your relationship.. Maybe it will set things right”

“This song will never set things right for us. I’m not singing something that talks about uncertainity regarding my feelings about him being out of my life, or the wonder regarding the moments i talk about him with family or friends.”, i raised my voice and kept walking around the room. “This song has nothing to do with us or make us great again because even now, i cry when i talk about him. I cry every time i end a facetime call and he comes to the phone for 2 minutes to ask me how i am and all this stupid stuff.”, i start crying and Joe comes to hug me. I embrace him tightly and i see Brad in the doorway, with tears in his eyes and looking down at his fingers when he meets my eyes.

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake”, Brad said and i let Joe go

“Yeah, i know. Was coming on tour with you also your mistake?”

He hesitates and i look disappointed towards Joe. “I’m not here because i sing amazing and i’m in top 10 Billboard top 100, i’m here because Brad is lonely”

I look towards Brad and i see him frown as he's walking up to me. I take a step back when he comes a little too close to me.

“I made a mistake doing that to you but i never got over you. I couldn’t forget you. I swear i never stopped loving you.” Brad was crying and i was too, but i was angry, not sad.

“You never loved me, Bradley. You never..”, my voice cracked and i became feeling really dizzy, so i grabbed my phone and i left the room, walking far away from Brad.

Outside, thousands of girls were waiting to get into the venue. I hid my face so they wouldn’t see me cry and i went to the parking lot where nobody could see me.

“No duet tonight. I’m sorry”, i texted Joe and started balling my eyes out.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault”

Sooo hi, i tried making something. If you want part 2, like this post, because i really wanted to write something. Love you, guys.

#brad simpson #the vamps #James McVey #connor ball #tristan evans #new hope club #George Smith #reece bibby #blake richardson #dylan o'brien #r5 #the driver era #rosslynch #ross lynch #rocky lynch #ellington ratliff #rydel lynch #riker lynch #ryland lynch

[heartmagician]

ok here’s a list of every book I read in 2020

Her Body & Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

Hard Damage by Aria Aber

Bluets by Maggie Nelson 

The Lifting Dress by Lauren Berry

Reconstructions by Bradley Trumpfheller

The Tradition by Jericho Brown^

Space Struck by Paige Lewis

The Burgermeister’s Daughter: Scandal in a Sixteenth Century German Town by Steven E. Ozment^

Blood Dazzler by Patricia Smith^

Aeneid Book VI by Virgil, translated by Seamus Heaney^

Engine Empire by Cathy Park Hong^

Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard^

Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips

The Descent of Alette by Alice Notley^

Idaho by Emily Ruskovich*

The Maid and The Queen: The Secret History of Joan of Arc by Nancy Goldstone^

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson^

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón*^

Homie by Danez Smith

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Drift by Caroline Bergvall^

There There by Tommy Orange

Nox by Anne Carson^

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro*^

A Bestiary by Lily Hoang^

The Fact of a Body by Alex Marzano-Lesnevich

Odes to Lithium by Shira Erlichman

The Roxy Letters by Mary Pauline Lowry

Good Boys by Megan Fernandes

Don’t Be Afraid, Gringo by Elvia Alvarado, translated by Medea Benjamin^

Testimony: Death of a Guatemalan Village by Victor Montejo^

One Day of Life by Manlio Argueta, translated by Bill Brow^

Bandit by Molly Brodak

The Tattooed Soldier by Héctor Tobar^

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

Thief in the Interior by Phillip B. Williams

Eyes Bottle Dark With a Mouthful of Flowers by Jake Skeets

Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

The Light of the World by Elizabeth Alexander

A Burning by Megha Majumdar

When Death Takes Something From You Give it Back: Carl’s Book by Naja Marie Aidt, translated by Denise Newman

Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

I Can’t Talk About the Trees Without the Blood by Tiana Clark

A Nail the Evening Hangs On by Monica Sok

Without Protection by Gala Mukomolova

Birthright by George Abraham

monster house. by Mia S. Willis

Stay, Illusion by Lucie Brock-Broido

The Book of Delights by Ross Gay

Luster by Raven Leilani

Guillotine by Eduardo C. Corral

Sana Sana by Ariana Brown

The Crying Book by Heather Christle

Crown Noble by Bianca Phipps

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Dispatch by Cameron Awkward-Rich

Cold Alchemy by Amrita Chakraborty

You Ask Me to Talk About the Interior by Carolina Ebeid

The Carrying by Ada Limón

Runaway by Alice Munro

My Year of Rest & Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Cut Woman by Dena Igusti

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

Trash by Dorothy Allison

Fuck Your Darlings by Devin Devine

Set to Music a Wildfire by Ruth Awad

Daddy by Emma Cline

The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Portrait of the Alcoholic by Kaveh Akbar

Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee

The Isle of Youth by Laura van den Berg

The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr^

Take Me Apart by Sara Sligar

Heavier Than Wait by Ilyus Evander

The Best American Essays 2019, edited by Rebecca Solnit^

Look by Solmaz Sharif

The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi

The Office of Historical Corrections by Danielle Evans

Anodyne by Khadijah Queen

Shuggie Bain by Douglas Stuart * = reread ^ = read for a class

#personal #books #lists

[forever--darling]

not too far away - s.m. (part ten)

a/n: where the truth comes out 

warnings: 6k words of emotional conversations and secrets being revealed

X. cat’s out of the bag

her

Your dad stood tall as everyone stared at him. He looked nervous, you could tell by the way he kept wiping his sweaty palms on the back of his jeans. A soft smile pulled at his lips as he adjusted his button up on his chest. He sent you a look and even though you had a feeling that he was about to ruin everything you sent him an encouraging smile. He was going to get it all off his shoulders right now and let the truth surface during your once happy day. Everything you were scared to do was about to happen and instead of it being done by your hands it was going to be by your father’s. Clearly even at twenty years old, he wasn’t done taking care of you. 

“I just wanted to thank you all for coming to celebrate our little bug’s birthday, who clearly isn’t so little anymore,” he paused chuckling to himself, “In fact, she’s not. My girl is twenty today and what a lot of you probably don’t know is that we never thought we would see this day. Around four years ago, when Y/N was just sixteen, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was going through surgeries and chemo and upon her request, we decided as a family to keep it from almost everyone we knew. Which means keeping it from all of you.” 

He was getting choked up and at this point, tears were gathering in your eyes and if anyone knew your dad he didn’t cry. He was a strong man who hated crying because he thought it made him weak. You had never seen your dad cry until you were diagnosed with cancer. After that, he became a machine that produced tears every few days. After you were cancer free and discharged though, that soft side and that crying Bradley Y/L/N went back to where it belonged. Inside of him. Now here he was resurfacing, except this time, he was being shown to not only your family but all of your closest friends. 

“I know this is probably hard to hear, trust me I understand. Hearing that your kid has cancer is probably the worst news any parent can hear and I’m sorry that we kept this from you. You are our closest friends and it was hard what we had to go through without any of your support. Some days seemed impossible but we managed and here we are almost a year after hospital visits and casual chemo appointments, Y/N is healthy again and back to being that bubbly ball of joy we all love. Since we are in the clear, I thought there was no point to keep this from all of you anymore. Today, I am standing here thankful for all of you and all the things you have done for my daughter and I am beyond thankful that I still have my beautiful little girl.” 

It was silent. It seemed no one knew what to say and you didn’t blame them. Besides your extended family who obviously knew about the condition you went through, all of your parents family friends and neighbors had not a clue. Even their very best friends Karen and Manny didn’t know. It was a knock to anyone’s chest who probably just found out that for four straight years you were sick and battling for your life and honestly thought that you had just been too busy for any of their time. It was a shock and you had a feeling the rest of the night would be spent with people coming up to you to talk about your bravery and strength. 

Your dad may have just ruined the rest of the night for everyone else because it all of a sudden had gone from being a lighthearted and fun birthday celebration to a confession about how you almost died. A part of you didn’t care though because your dad just put himself out there for you. He spoke from his heart and you loved him for it. 

Finally finding it in yourself to move, you walked over towards your dad and brought him into a tight hug. “I love you,” you said earnestly. 

“I love you so much,” he replied placing a kiss on your forehead. 

You smiled weakly as you pulled away turning to see all eyes on you. To some people, it was like they barely could look at you while others were desperate to hug and hold you. You sent a small look towards your mom and James before you walked away from your father towards the family that looked the most devastated. 

A sad smile graced Karen’s lips as she pulled you against her, “Oh honey, I am so sorry you had to go through that.” 

“No, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you instead of ignoring you guys all together. It’s just I knew you already had so much going on with Shawn leaving Pickering for the first time I didn’t think I should put any more stress on you,” you explained pulling back to look at her. 

“We understand, completely. It was your business and keeping it personal was your decision,” Karen said giving your hand a squeeze as her husband took your attention. 

Manny placed a hand on your shoulder, “Y/N, you’re such a strong girl and we are so relieved that you are okay.” 

Your shoulders dropped in relief and you offered them a large smile, “Thank you so much, for being so understanding.” 

They both nodded as you looked to their right, eyes falling onto the younger Mendes sibling. Aaliyah stood, eyes downcast on the ground, fingers fiddling against her stomach. A frown was etched across her face. Your hand reached out to grab her arm gently. 

“Aaliyah,” you sighed, “I’m sorry. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you and it killed me every day, that I couldn’t see you.” 

Before you could say any more, Aaliyah leaped forward pulling you into a tight hug. Her head found a place in your neck and you could feel her tears against your skin. “Thank you for not dying,” she cried. 

“Well I couldn’t leave you now, could I?” you replied, rubbing your hand up and down her back. 

Releasing her from the hug, with both your thumbs you wiped the tears from under her eyes. She smiled at you and instantly you felt a small amount of guilt. Your father had just admitted that you had beat cancer and that you were now fine but that wasn’t the case. You hadn’t beat cancer and all these people were relieved that you were alive and that you were okay but there was a chance that in a few days you might not be either of those things. 

You were a liar, you knew that because though your father may have told the truth he didn’t know the full truth. Your parents had no idea that you had gone to the doctor and no idea that you weren’t cancer free anymore. Though a little of the weight had been lifted from your shoulders there were still lies that were present around you. You still had more truth begging to be spewed from your mouth. 

After one more hug, Aaliyah moved away to be engulfed in the comfort of her mother’s arms. You sighed and ran your hands through your short hair as you shared a look with Demi who had her arms around James. A part of you wanted to question her about it and what her relationship was with your brother but you knew that wasn’t what was important at the moment and she knew it too. Demi was the only person who knew about your surgery and about the reality that you were no longer healthy. She could see your guilt and you could tell by the way she was looking at you that she thought that you needed to bring your reality onto everyone else. Most importantly your parents and probably to Shawn, if you wanted to start a relationship, he needed to know everything. 

Shawn. Your head instantly snapped in the direction of the small stage to find that he was gone and the only thing that sat in his place was his guitar. You had forgotten about him as soon as your dad started to talk and now to see that he had left made your stomach drop. God, you couldn’t even think about what his reaction might have looked like to hear all the reasons why you had ignored him for years and why your friendship had been on pause. He had just learned the truth that had been hiding from him, worst of all though he didn’t hear it from you. 

Instantly, without another second to think, you bolted up the hill towards the porch steps. You sprinted up the stairs, taking two at a time, still barefoot. You pulled open the glass door and shoved yourself inside. The kitchen was empty and frantically you moved to the living room. “Shawn?” you called out gaining no response. 

You began to check every room in the house, from the bathroom to the storage closet. With no such luck, you moved upstairs and made your way towards your bedroom. Storming in through the doorway, you froze near the door as your eyes landed on Shawn’s back. 

“Shawn,” his name fell from your lips sounding breathless. 

He was stood by your bed, staring at the nightstand where a bunch of framed pictures were. Multiple ones being of you and him. You could see how his shoulders were tense and he remained motionless with his arms limply at his sides.

“Shawn,” you repeated taking a step forward noticing his head turn to the side and drop towards the floor. 

You couldn’t pinpoint how he was feeling. He could be mad, upset, or maybe just frustrated. You had lied to him and kept things from him you never did before. You had caused him such pain to hide how the sickness you were dealing with. For minutes, it was silent. You stood waiting for him to say anything and finally as if in slow motion he turned around and you felt your heart break at the sight before you. 

His hair was messed up and his shirt was wrinkled. His eyes were rimmed with tears and they were red and puffy. His cheeks were flushed and his bottom lip was swollen from him chewing on it so much. “You were sick,” his voice was raspy and sounded completely broken. 

And just like that. The cat was out of the bag. 

You nodded ashamedly that he had found out this way and knew by the end of this conversation you would probably look just as disheveled and upset as he was. If you knew Shawn like you thought you did, he wasn’t going to take this well at all. 

“How did this happen?” he asked tugging at his curls. 

You let out a small shaky breath as you felt your chest tighten, “It was months after you left-” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” he questioned starting to raise his voice, “How could you not tell me?!”

He was starting to react exactly as you thought and you knew if you didn’t stay calm this would end with you yelling at each other loud for the rest of the party guests to hear, “I knew that if I told you, you would have came home to be with me.” 

“For fuck's sake,” he shouted hand raising and falling back to his side letting out a loud slap, “Of course I would have. What’s wrong with that?” 

“If you would have came home you wouldn’t be where you are now. You would have missed so many opportunities just to sit next to my bed all day,” you explained taking a step closer to Shawn. 

“I don’t fucking care!” he yelled.

“You don’t mean that, Shawn,” you said softly, eyes beginning to fill with tears, “You love your job. You love singing and performing.” 

He ran his fingers through his hair again, tugging at the ends, eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he stared down at you. A look of anger across his beautiful face, “Yeah, but I love you more!” 

Just like that, you felt the air had been knocked from your lungs and you had lost this small argument. In all of the years you had known Shawn, you had never seen him look so sad and so in pain until now. His lip was curling as more tears streaming down his face. Snot was gathering at the edge of his nose and he kept making noises as he sucked it back up. You had caused this. You had hurt him so deeply and in a way, you had no idea how to fix it. This was all your fault. 

He shook his head, not bothering to wipe away his tears from you. “All this time, I thought there was something wrong with me to cause my best friend to disappear from my life. I thought I did something to drive you away but now to find out that while I was having the time of my life creating a name out of myself, you were stuck in a bed sick and dying. And if you had been taken from all of us, I wouldn’t have even known. Probably would’ve found out by a sad voicemail sent from your parents. It’s a good thing that your ass pulled through because I would have not been able to deal with that. You should’ve told me, and you know that. Fuck my career and fuck whatever opportunities I was being given at the time because I should’ve been there. Y/N, I needed to be there.” 

You could feel the tears that were falling down your face like a waterfall at this point as small whimpers fell from your lips. Your hands were balled into fists and you could feel your nails digging into your palms. You could feel them cutting through your skin but you didn’t care because the pain distracted you from the one coming from your chest.

The pain that was only there because of the destruction you had caused. Shawn’s lips were trembling and his hands were shaking and you knew he was out of words and wouldn’t be able to get any more out even if he had. They wouldn’t be able to pass by the sobs that were being wrenched from his chapped mouth. 

It was over, finally, your walls were broken and now you were exposed. He now could see you for everything you had been trying to hide from him for the past four years. Your high and mighty walls had failed to keep him out because somehow he had wiggled his way into your heart. He had found a way inside and just like a storm turned to a monsoon that crack in the stone widened causing the whole damn wall to crumble. 

And though a part of you, a large part of you, begged to stay where you were. Pleaded for you to stay away from Shawn as he stood fuming, chest raising, with fresh tears falling from his eyes. That part of you, that small tiny part, told you to turn and run out of the room, away from him and away from dealing with this once and for all. It told you that he was angry and not calm enough for you to get closer, but somehow you ignored that small voice in your head because you found yourself crossing the room to fall into his strong arms. 

Your body connected with his, and in an instant, it felt like all tension in the air drifted vanishing from the both of you. His arms encased you providing a place of warmth and safety. It was familiar, and in a lot of ways, it was home. You hugged him back just as tightly as he hugged you hoping you could give him that same sense of protection he was giving you. Your tears continued to fall as his voice filled your ears. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” he whispered repeating that statement over and over again, his cries dying out with each time he said it. 

It was a relief to hear. To know that after it all, his feelings towards you had not changed and that he still wanted you as much as you wanted him. This man brought something out of you, you had never felt before. He was a drug in so many ways. All you could see, feel, and smell was Shawn and it was making your head dizzy. And all you could think about was how your heart screamed for him, and how you were too choked up to return those three little words. 

+

It was around eleven o’clock and you stood near your bedroom window, in your parents' house, admiring the stars in the night sky. Your short curls had faded, and you had tied the top pieces back into a small bun to keep them out of your face. Your makeup has been washed away and your skin was moisturized and ready for bed. You were wearing an oversized baby blue tee and white pajama pants, the same thing you had been wearing the morning Shawn showed up at the house with tickets to the Maple Leaf game. The day had felt like forever ago, though it had only been no more than a few weeks. So much had changed in such little time and you weren’t sure if you were ready for any of it. 

The party had ended an hour or so ago but the Mendes’ had only just left about fifteen minutes prior to the time now. Shawn and Demi were the only other two people who were still at the house besides your family. He was helping your dad put away the tables in the yard and Demi was in the living room talking to James, and about what, you didn’t have a clue. Honestly, you didn’t want to know. If she was going to try and engage in a relationship with your brother, you weren’t going to stop her, but you also weren’t going to be around to hear about it either. The whole day had been a whirlwind and you could feel the exhaustion creeping in on you. 

After what happened with Shawn, you hadn’t talked much for the rest of the party. You had spent a good ten minutes calming down and cleaning yourselves up before you returned back in the yard. No one seemed to notice the change between you two or maybe they did and just decided to not acknowledge it. Either way, you were grateful. As the evening went on, you made your way around to everyone listening to what they had to say and answering whatever questions they had about your treatment and your cancer. 

You also were roped into very long hugs, the longest by far being from Loretta, but you didn’t mind at all. The end of the party had in no way been like the beginning or the afternoon. It wasn’t filled with laughter and fun but rather an emotional revelation that made everyone appreciate the life they had. In your opinion, it still ended on a good note with every single person going home with a smile on their face and at the end of the day, that’s all you could have ever asked for. 

As you gave the black sky one more glance, your hand reached up to fiddle with the necklace, Shawn’s necklace he gave to you, like you had been doing all day. You turned around on your heels and jumped as you noticed Shawn leaning against the doorway, curls disheveled and shirt loose around his torso, top button undone. 

You didn’t know how long he had been standing there and it had startled you a little bit. Your hand laid flat across your chest as a small laugh passed your lips, “Shit, you scared me.” 

“Sorry,” he replied, voice low as his eyes fell to the floor, “Uh I finished up helping your dad.” 

Nodding, you moved closer to him noticing the way his feet were shuffling against the carpeted floor. “Are you going back to your parent’s then?” you asked his eyes instantly moving back up towards you at the question. 

“Well, I was hoping you’d let me stay,” he mumbled, fully stepping into the room. 

Almost if on cue, you could feel your heart speeding up in your chest. Sometimes it felt like you had a string attached to your heart and on the other end, Shawn stood pulling on it to get it to beat for him at all the right moments. But you knew, that sounded ridiculous because he didn’t need a string to do that - with just a simple look or a few words he was able to make your heart move a little faster and beat a little louder. 

“I’ll go get some clothes that you can borrow from James for the night,” you replied, hand giving his arm a reassuring squeeze as you passed him. Without a response, you were out in the hallway making your way towards your brother’s room. 

It was on the other end of the floor you were on which wasn’t such a bad thing except that you had to pass the stairs that lead down to the living room. You moved as fast as you could past the stairs but as you did, the loud laughter from your best friend was clear in your ears. Rolling your eyes, you ignored it and continued down the hall. You pushed open James’s door to be met with an unmade bed and a floor that was littered with a few pieces of clothing. 

Typical, you thought, not clean. It was funny whenever you told people that you had your own apartment and James didn’t and he was the older one out of the two. They would always have the funniest reactions about him living with your parents but then you would go on to explain that he had been in Venice the last year and had just gotten home. “He’s searching for a place, don’t worry,” you would always tell the person reassuring them that your twenty-five year old brother wasn’t going to be living with your parents the rest of his life. Who knows maybe at this rate he could move in with Demi. You rolled your eyes at the idea. 

With a huff passing by your lips, you moved towards James’s dresser and pulled out a pair of black basketball shorts and a plain white t-shirt. As soon as you had the clothes in your hands, you basically sprinted back to your room, gagging as the laughter only seemed to be louder than the first time you heard it as you passed the stairs. Walking back into the room, you closed the door behind you and leaned against the doorway a sigh escaping you. 

Shawn turned around from where he stood by your bed, more buttons undone on his white polo. He looked towards you with confusion as you generally looked disgusted. “I don’t know how you think it’s okay that Demi and James are downstairs flirting heavily on the couch.” 

Though things were far from perfect, Shawn still laughed, “I think they’re cute.” 

You practically gasped at the sentence as your finger came up and pointed in his direction. “Don’t do that. Nope, not going to happen, mister. My brother, Demi, and cute are not all allowed in the same sentence.” 

He laughed again causing your chest to warm at the sound as you lifted yourself off the door and approached him. “Here,” you said smiling up at him as you handed him the shorts and shirt. 

“Thanks,” he smiled taking them, hand brushing against yours in the process. 

You stared at each other for a few seconds, before you brushed by him and over to your side of the bed. Sitting down on the edge, you looked back towards your window, away from him so he could change without your eyes staring at him. It was funny how you two were acting like earlier hadn’t happened. It was like he was denying that he had found out you had been sick and you were ignoring that he said he loved you. In your mind, it seemed like if you just passed by it without acknowledging it, it would all go away, and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to let it or not. 

“Should I take the guest bedroom?” his voice broke through your thoughts and when you glanced over your shoulder, you found him dressed and hand gripping the doorknob to your door. 

You shook your head, a smile playing at your lips, “Shawn, don’t be ridiculous. You can sleep here with me. It wouldn’t be the first time we slept in the same bed.” 

It was funny to you, how he couldn’t be away from you at the moment but offered to sleep in the guest room. 

“I just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to or not,” he mumbled hands gripping the jeans and shirt he had been wearing all day. 

“Shawn?” 

“Yeah?” he replied. 

“Just shut up and get over here,” you chuckled pulling the covers back on your bed and crawling in. 

Dropping his clothes to the floor, near your nightstand, he slipped into the other side of the bed and without him even touching you, you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. He laid on his back, hands clasped across his stomach, and eyes staring at the ceiling. You were on your side, hand propped under your head, as you looked at him. Turning his head, his gaze met yours, and a pleading smile formed on your face hoping he would finally stop acting like earlier hadn’t happened. 

You wished that he would start asking you questions about what it was like the hospital or even better, kiss you and hold you for the rest of the night. But he didn’t do either of those things. Instead, his hand moved towards your nightstand where he turned your lamp off engulfing the room in darkness. 

You sighed, disappointingly, falling onto your back on the mattress. Your head sunk into the pillow, and your eyes locked onto the dark ceiling with one thought on your mind as silence filled the room. Maybe this was the end. Maybe you and Shawn were a mistake and it was best to stay just friends. You hoped that wasn’t the case but as of the moment that’s what it was looking like was going to happen because he wasn’t acting like the man who claimed that he loved you. No, he was acting like the best friend who was sleeping in your bed and was too scared to move in case he would end up accidentally grazing your thigh giving you the wrong idea. 

You didn’t know how much time had passed. Was it an hour? Two? Or had it only been thirty minutes? You weren’t sure but what you were sure about was that Shawn was still awake too. His breathing wasn’t light and steady like it would be if he was sleeping and every couple minutes you would hear him sigh which gave it away that he wasn’t asleep. 

Not able to take it anymore, you leaned over his body and turned your lamp back on. You sat up in the bed, knees to your chest, to meet his tired eyes that were very much open. His eyes locked with yours and within seconds he was sitting up too, covers falling down his chest and into his lap. He looked at you worriedly, that single ‘s’ shaped curl hanging across his forehead. 

“I can’t sleep,” you mumbled simply. 

“Why? What’s the matter?” Shawn asked either acting clueless or in reality, happened to be so dumb that he was that clueless. 

“What’s the matter,” you retorted sending his words back at him, “What’s the matter is that we’re lying here and you can barely say more than four words to me. A few hours ago you say that you love me but now it’s like you’re scared to even touch me.” 

Your hands found their way to your face, covering your eyes so you wouldn’t have to look at Shawn. It falls silent for a good thirty seconds before you hear a deep breath from Shawn and then feel his warm palm land on your knee. He scooted closer to you too and you could feel how warm he was as his skin touched yours. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized chin falling onto your shoulder, “It’s just I can’t stop thinking. Can’t stop picturing you in that hospital bed without me there by your side. You told me and that should be enough but I guess it’s not if that’s all I can think about.” 

Hands falling from your face, you heard turned to him. His face was only inches away from yours. His eyes were wide and no longer looking droopy and tired and his lips were puffed out almost asking for you to lean over and kiss them.

“Please just tell me something,” he begged to give your knee a light squeeze, “I know it’s probably hard to talk about but I need to know something. Anything about what it was like in that hospital.” 

You nodded, forehead bumping his lightly, as you reached forward to brush the curl back and out of his eyes. Sitting back against the headboard, your hands fiddled with the comforter in your lap. He laid on his side, hand running up and down your thigh for comfort as his amber eyes were zoned on you. 

“I don’t really know where to start except that it was hard,” you sighed, head falling back against the wood frame, “The chemo was probably the worst part. It does a lot to a person. You’re constantly dizzy, you don’t ever feel like eating, and always think you’re going to vomit. Honestly the only thing, I can think about that wasn’t completely horrible about it all is that during chemo they would give us these cancer popsicles that tasted like oranges. That wasn’t so bad I guess. Oh, and in the spring, sometime after I had been given a room when the cancer started to get bad, Patty, the sweetest nurse at that hospital, would sneak me outside in a wheelchair so I could enjoy the fresh air. I would just sit there soaking up as much sunlight as I could as the breeze danced across my dry skin. Those were the best days, I think.”

You smiled softly at the memories, of Patty and how she had always managed to balance out those bad days with some good ones. She was a light of sunshine who cared about every single one of her patients and at the top of her list, a spot had been created for your name. 

Eyes looking back towards Shawn who laid silently watching you, you knew there was more you should say. So reaching down, you lifted your shirt revealing your stomach. his orbs followed the movement and widened as they locked onto the three pink scars. Two of them were small and on your waist, either side of your belly button while the third was large and extended below that horizontally, a few inches long. 

“The worst day, I would probably have to say is when they told me I would have to get a hysterectomy if I wanted to survive,” you whispered, tears filling your eyes, “They took my ovaries, uterus, and my fallopian tubes and I remember after it happened, I remember the only thing I could think about when I woke up was that I was never going to be able to have any babies. This plan that I thought I had for my life had changed and I realized that I would never be able to do the one thing that a woman’s body was made to do. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to give, the man that I would someday spend the rest of my life with, a child and that alone is so unfair.” 

At this point, tears were slowly falling down your cheeks, as you stared at Shawn. His eyebrows were furrowed and a frown played on his lips as he looked at your sad state. Slowly without a word, he leaned forward, and his lips found a safe place along your stomach. He kissed softly at the left scar on your waist, and after a few seconds switched to the other. 

A sad sigh fell from you, hand moving up to knot in his curls as his warm plump lips moved lower towards the largest scar, the one you despised the most. “I really wanted to have a baby someday,” you cried as he kissed at the sensitive skin gently. 

After another minute he sat up and you let your shirt drop, recovering your stomach. Both of his hands cupped your face where his thumbs went to work wiping underneath your eyes until there were no more tears staining your skin. Then he wrapped his left hand around the back of your neck and pulled you closer to him. Your face sat along the dip of where his neck and shoulder met as your arms wrapped around his strong torso. Shawn’s nose nestled into your hair and for the next few moments, you both sat there enjoying the comfort that was brought to the both of you.

“I knew that I was right,” his voice rang through your ears causing you to sit back so you could look at his face as he talked, “I wish I hadn’t been but I knew that I was right.” 

You were confused, “About what?”

“The hair,” he answered simply and you gave him a small look that said you were thankful he changed the subject, “I knew that you were too crazy to ever cut it.” 

“You’re right about that. Too bad it wasn’t my choice,” you admitted hand slipping under his, James’s, t-shirt. Your cold hand splayed across his lower back, the warmth instantly spreading across your palm. 

“Eh, I like the short hair,” Shawn admitted reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. 

A soft smile rose to your lips, as your other hand found a place near the collar of the white shirt, where your thumb began to swipe across the skin on his neck, “At least you didn’t have to see me bald.” 

“I bet you were beautiful,” he responded, gaze falling down to your lips. 

You could feel your cheeks heating up at his words. Your breathing was getting heavier and at first, you didn’t know what to say in response. It was silent as Shawn sat, hand cupping your cheek while the other moved to your waist. His eyes were locked onto your lips and the only thing you wanted at that very moment was for him to kiss you. It was killing you the longer you waited and you were practically squirming under his touch. You could smell the remains of his cologne and the cinnamon that always clung to his skin. He leaned in closer the smell invading your senses as his forehead leaned against yours.  

“Shawn, please kiss me,” you whispered and without a second to waste he obliged. 

You sighed happily, eyes fluttering to a close as you fell back into the mattress, Shawn falling on top of you. Your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him in closer towards your body as his lips molded with yours. Your body reacted instantly, melting against his. His thumb stroked your cheek lovingly and all you could think about was how soft and warm his lips were against yours. It made you realize how in many ways it was like the first kiss you ever shared. Sweet. Soft. And all around life changing.

next part

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfic #my writing #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes angst #shawn #mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes x you #shawn x reader #shawn x y/n #shawn x you

[tocinephile]

T'was the night before the Oscars...

Here we are again. The final stab at a decent award show ceremony amidst a global pandemic. I'm not getting my hopes up after the Golden Globes and SAG zoom calls, in fact I've read very little about the upcoming ceremonies since they announced they would not be using zoom... and then promptly reversed that decision.

It would seem no matter how late we delay the Oscars, I still find myself the night before the show scrambling to watch all the Best Picture nominees. It also hasn't slipped my mind all the promises I'd made to discuss my top films of 2020 and the things I would not have seen if not for this global catastrophe. Having had a number of conversations with fellow cinephiles, many have also found themselves very unenthused about award season contenders, dramatic pictures or anything with heavier content so to speak, or even movies in general. The struggle to concentrate is real.

I'm going to get right into my list of predictions with the caveats that I have yet to see Sound of Metal, and I have to watch the second half of Judas and the Black Messiah after I hit 'post' here. You will find as we go through, there's lots more I haven't seen.

Best Picture

“The Father”

“Judas and the Black Messiah”

“Mank”

“Minari”

“Nomadland” - Will win

“Promising Young Woman” - Should win (though I liked Nomadland very much as well)

“Sound of Metal”

“The Trial of the Chicago 7”

Best Director

Thomas Vinterberg (“Another Round”)

David Fincher (“Mank”) - excellent director but I actually don't think he left his mark on Mank as much as he did many of his other films, I've questioned previously whether he should have gotten the nomination

Lee Isaac Chung (“Minari”)

Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”) - Will win/should win

Emerald Fennell (“Promising Young Woman”)

Best Actor in a Leading Role - very strong contenders all around in this category, every one of them (I'm sure I'll have the same reaction about Riz Ahmed) made me say "holy shit" in amazement out loud

Riz Ahmed (“Sound of Metal”)

Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) - Will win/should win

Anthony Hopkins (“The Father”)

Gary Oldman (“Mank”)

Steven Yeun (“Minari”)

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Viola Davis (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) - I think if not Andra Day, then Viola will win it

Andra Day (“The United States v. Billie Holiday”) - Will win?/should win

Vanessa Kirby (“Pieces of a Woman”)

Frances McDormand (“Nomadland”)

Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”)

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Sacha Baron Cohen (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”) - I think he's also got a decent shot in this category

Daniel Kaluuya (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) - Will win/should win

Leslie Odom Jr. (“One Night in Miami”)

Paul Raci (“Sound of Metal”)

Lakeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Maria Bakalova (‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”) - truth be told I didn't think her performance was so great that she should get an Oscar nomination for it

Glenn Close (“Hillbilly Elegy”)

Olivia Colman (“The Father”) - another potentially unpopular comment... while I think Olivia Colman is one of the best actresses and most delightful people in existence, given her range and talent I don't she particularly excelled in The Father to make it an Oscar-worthy performance.

Amanda Seyfried (“Mank”)

Yuh-jung Youn (“Minari”) - Will win/should win

Best Animated Feature Film - I only saw one film so I have no basis for comparison

“Onward” (Pixar)

“Over the Moon” (Netflix)

“A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon” (Netflix)

“Soul” (Pixar) - will win

“Wolfwalkers” (Apple TV Plus/GKIDS)

Best Adapted Screenplay

“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm.” Screenplay by Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Swimer, Peter Baynham, Erica Rivinoja, Dan Mazer, Jena Friedman, Lee Kern; Story by Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Swimer, Nina Pedrad

“The Father,” Christopher Hampton and Florian Zeller - should win...and will win?

“Nomadland,” Chloé Zhao

“One Night in Miami,” Kemp Powers - might also win?

“The White Tiger,” Ramin Bahrani

Best Original Screenplay

“Judas and the Black Messiah.” Screenplay by Will Berson, Shaka King; Story by Will Berson, Shaka King, Kenny Lucas, Keith Lucas

“Minari,” Lee Isaac Chung

“Promising Young Woman,” Emerald Fennell - 50/50 will win/definitely should win tho!

“Sound of Metal.” Screenplay by Darius Marder, Abraham Marder; Story by Darius Marder, Derek Cianfrance

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Aaron Sorkin - 50/50 will win... I really didn't get onboard this movie, but I will say the script was the best thing about it

Best Original Song - I'm not even going to venture a guess...

“Fight for You,” (“Judas and the Black Messiah”). Music by H.E.R. and Dernst Emile II; Lyric by H.E.R. and Tiara Thomas

“Hear My Voice,” (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”). Music by Daniel Pemberton; Lyric by Daniel Pemberton and Celeste Waite

“Húsavík,” (“Eurovision Song Contest”). Music and Lyric by Savan Kotecha, Fat Max Gsus and Rickard Göransson

“Io Si (Seen),” (“The Life Ahead”). Music by Diane Warren; Lyric by Diane Warren and Laura Pausini

“Speak Now,” (“One Night in Miami”). Music and Lyric by Leslie Odom, Jr. and Sam Ashworth

Best Original Score - I actually didn't think much of any of the scores in any of the films I've seen in 2020...

“Da 5 Bloods,” Terence Blanchard

“Mank,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross

“Minari,” Emile Mosseri

“News of the World,” James Newton Howard

“Soul,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jon Batiste - will win

Best Sound - I suspect it might be Sound of Metal but I haven't watched it yet. I've also not seen Greyhound.

“Greyhound,” Warren Shaw, Michael Minkler, Beau Borders and David Wyman

“Mank,” Ren Klyce, Jeremy Molod, David Parker, Nathan Nance and Drew Kunin

“News of the World,” Oliver Tarney, Mike Prestwood Smith, William Miller and John Pritchett

“Soul,” Ren Klyce, Coya Elliott and David Parker

“Sound of Metal,” Nicolas Becker, Jaime Baksht, Michelle Couttolenc, Carlos Cortés and Phillip Bladh

Best Costume Design

“Emma,” Alexandra Byrne - will win

“Mank,” Trish Summerville

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Ann Roth - should win

“Mulan,” Bina Daigeler - should also win

“Pinocchio,” Massimo Cantini Parrini

Best Animated Short Film - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Burrow” (Disney Plus/Pixar)

“Genius Loci” (Kazak Productions)

“If Anything Happens I Love You” (Netflix)

“Opera” (Beasts and Natives Alike)

“Yes-People” (CAOZ hf. Hólamói)

Best Live-Action Short Film - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Feeling Through”

“The Letter Room”

“The Present”

“Two Distant Strangers”

“White Eye”

Best Cinematography

“Judas and the Black Messiah,” Sean Bobbitt

“Mank,” Erik Messerschmidt - will win/should win

“News of the World,” Dariusz Wolski

“Nomadland,” Joshua James Richards

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Phedon Papamichael

Best Documentary Feature - I thought I watched a decent number of docs in 2020, but apparently not the right ones because I saw none of these.

“Collective,” Alexander Nanau and Bianca Oana

“Crip Camp,” Nicole Newnham, Jim LeBrecht and Sara Bolder

“The Mole Agent,” Maite Alberdi and Marcela Santibáñez

“My Octopus Teacher,” Pippa Ehrlich, James Reed and Craig Foster

“Time,” Garrett Bradley, Lauren Domino and Kellen Quinn

Best Documentary Short Subject - I didn't watch a single Oscar-nominated short this year

“Colette,” Anthony Giacchino and Alice Doyard

“A Concerto Is a Conversation,” Ben Proudfoot and Kris Bowers

“Do Not Split,” Anders Hammer and Charlotte Cook

“Hunger Ward,” Skye Fitzgerald and Michael Scheuerman

“A Love Song for Latasha,” Sophia Nahli Allison and Janice Duncan

Best Film Editing

“The Father,” Yorgos Lamprinos - 50/50 will win/should win

“Nomadland,” Chloé Zhao

“Promising Young Woman,” Frédéric Thoraval

“Sound of Metal,” Mikkel E.G. Nielsen

“The Trial of the Chicago 7,” Alan Baumgarten - 50/50 will win

Best International Feature Film

“Another Round” (Denmark) - will win

“Better Days” (Hong Kong) - should win (yes, because I'm biased, plus it's also the only other film aside from Another Round that I've seen in this category and I liked it a lot better, but also, just because it's very fine film)

“Collective” (Romania)

“The Man Who Sold His Skin” (Tunisia)

“Quo Vadis, Aida?”(Bosnia and Herzegovina)

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

“Emma,” Marese Langan, Laura Allen, Claudia Stolze - will win

“Hillbilly Elegy,” Eryn Krueger Mekash, Patricia Dehaney, Matthew Mungle

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Sergio Lopez-Rivera, Mia Neal, Jamika Wilson - should win

“Mank,” Kimberley Spiteri, Gigi Williams, Colleen LaBaff

“Pinocchio,” Mark Coulier, Dalia Colli, Francesco Pegoretti

Best Production Design

“The Father.” Production Design: Peter Francis; Set Decoration: Cathy Featherstone - I don't think this is the best Production Design but I do think it's underrated what they did and that it should be recognized a different kind of creativity went into designing the sets for this film.

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.” Production Design: Mark Ricker; Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara and Diana Stoughton

“Mank.” Production Design: Donald Graham Burt; Set Decoration: Jan Pascale - will win? I do think the Production Design was spectacular...

“News of the World.” Production Design: David Crank; Set Decoration: Elizabeth Keenan

“Tenet.” Production Design: Nathan Crowley; Set Decoration: Kathy Lucas - should win

Best Visual Effects

“Love and Monsters,” Matt Sloan, Genevieve Camilleri, Matt Everitt and Brian Cox

“The Midnight Sky,” Matthew Kasmir, Christopher Lawrence, Max Solomon and David Watkins

“Mulan,” Sean Faden, Anders Langlands, Seth Maury and Steve Ingram

“The One and Only Ivan,” Nick Davis, Greg Fisher, Ben Jones and Santiago Colomo Martinez

“Tenet,” Andrew Jackson, David Lee, Andrew Lockley and Scott Fisher - will win/should win... like why would it not win??

Ok, I wasn't very decisive in some of those categories and since I'm taking part in an Oscar pool I will have to make some choices and refine my selections before tomorrow. I will share my final Oscar pool pics, do my part bombarding everyone's twitter tomorrow evening, and review after the awards where it all went right/wrong.

#oscar predictions #academyaward