#DOWNLOADING AS WE SPEAK YEA BABY LETS GO

[minkycrossing]

Nintendo pushed the Animal Crossing update early because they knew leaving it for the turbulently charged event horizon of November 5th could be catastrophic.

#acnh #.txt #DOWNLOADING AS WE SPEAK YEA BABY LETS GO #animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #nintendo switch #destiel #supernatural #spn #nov 5th

[sloppythots-com]

reaction

a/n: hihi so this is my first fanfic,,,go easy on me please aofhaeiufah im writing another one as we speak about reader painting corpsies nails :)

word count: 970

warnings: cursing, ooc, unedited, cringe, friends teasing each other teehee 

“hi everyone, welcome to the stream! i know it’s been like...a week since my last stream, yea sorry! i’ve been busy scrolling twitter and simping over aoc. i mean can you blame-” 

before you could finish your rant - or even start it-  about aoc, sean interrupted you, “aren’t you like the only one here you didn’t get to play with her?”

you gasped in surprise, he really had the audacity to disrespect you like that? you gave the camera a stern look and scoffed into the mic, “at least I’ll be able to vote for her in a couple of years, unlike you non-american citizen ass bitch!”

poki broke up the conversation before sean could reply. “okok, break it up kids! did you get the code y/n?” 

“um. yes? the one that starts with t?”

“that’s it! make sure you cover it up this time!~” rae teased.

“wait wait everyone shut up! i found a 10th person!” sean exclaimed excitedly. you look over at chat and see everyone freaking out, spamming “CORPSEY” and “ONLYHANDSONLYLHANDS”

as the others in the call talked about whatever, you turned to chat and let out a giggle. “you guys want corpse? i think i follow him on twitter, i don’t know much about him though - i think it’ll be a little awkward. i heard he has a really fucking nice-”

for the second time that evening, sean interrupted you, “CORPSE! hi, hello, what’s up, how are you?”

there was a couple of seconds of awkward silence, then who you assumed was corpse spoke up, “oh, hi guys. i’m-”

you quickly muted the call and yourself and screamed, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT. did you guys hear that? maybe i’m overreacting because i’ve been listening to seans pig squeals for the past eternity but holy shit. can a voice have my babies??” you rest your head in your hands and took a couple of deep breaths, “ok, so, chat. let’s make a deal. i will stream every day for a week straight if you don’t clip that and show ANYONE.” you looked up and saw the chat teasing you, even a couple donations with people telling you they already tweeted corpse. “you guys are grounded i can’t believe this - after all we’ve been through…”

you shook your head and unmuted the call, still mumbling under your breath about how much you hate it here. sean’s laugh was all you heard in your headset. you unmuted yourself and scolded sean, “shut up you leprechaun, i don’t want to listen to your dumb laugh!”

sean only laughed harder as everyone asked him what was so funny. He finally calmed down and explained himself, “y/n do you want to explain what i just saw?”

“what? wait… IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK-”

“can we start the game already?” poki complained, dragging out the syllables in ‘already’.

“marzia is watching y/n’s stream and she sent me this clip of y/n-”

“START THE GAME START THE GAME!” you screamed, watching as the messages flew by in chat. 

“don’t worry guys i’ll send the clip in chat-” sean laughed as the game started.

as ‘crewmate’ flashed across your screen, you groaned. “you know what? i’m unsubscribing from pewds, i can’t believe his wife would betray me like this! i thought we were friends, i spent like half my paycheck on her clothing line once! tsuki.market by the way - wait, no. i take that back.” you watched as everyone went their separate ways, well, almost everyone. corpse stayed behind with you, running circles around your orange bean. “oh god guys, do you think he saw the clip? oh my god oh my god, please kill me, “ you made your way to weapons with corpse following closely behind, “what if he’s upset and wants to kill me? holy shit. but i mean, it would be an honor to be killed at his hands. have you fucking seen them? homeboy is veiny as shit!” you watched as he finished up asteroids, and let out a sigh of relief when the task bar went up as he walked towards you. “ok, so i have soft confirm him as innocent? that’s kind of reassuring…”

 you two walked towards navigation and began your download, corpse standing next to you. you giggled to yourself, “is this true love? i wonder what he’s think- OH SHIT FUCK NO!” right as you were speaking, rae and sean walked in and before you could close the download and report rae for killing corpse you were brutally shot. “fuck, but i guess i died with the one and only corpse so it’s not that bad?” you sighed, but quickly smiled when you saw a red dot on the chat box. 

CORPSE

that was a hilarious reaction lmaooooooooooooo

“should i go for it chat? i could either risk my entire career or be a little pussy. i already embarrassed myself more than humanly possible tonight,” you mumbled. your eyes scanned the chat for the answer you wanted and you laughed, “mama ain’t raise no bitch!”

y/n

hilarious enough to get your number?

you spammed open and closed the chat and bit your lip nervously, “ok, that might’ve been a mistake but like at least i tried. remember kids, you never know what could’ve been unless you try-” you stopped mid-sentence as you read his response. 

CORPSE

maybe next time sweaty

you banged your desk in embarrassment, “i take back what i said, never try, never put yourself out there, all you’ll do is embarrass yourself to thousands of people in the chat of a game about killing rainbow beans in space!!” you read chat as people teased you, some pitying you. “all of you; go to your rooms. and give me your credit card information, you lost money privileges!”

#corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband x reader #corpse imagines #corpse husband #fanfic #among us #corpsey #roses for corpse #onlyhands #corpsehusband #jacksepticeye #onlystrands #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband oneshot

[craftypeaceturtle]

B is for Baby Time!

Summary: They finally get to meet the newest arrival for their family.

Note: Part of a series but can be read alone! The ABCs of their little family! Demus and Royality. 

The beginning- A is for Arrival

Next part: C is for Choas!

.

They got the call at exactly midnight. The second it turned to December they had prepared everything ready in case the baby would be early; they would not run around like headless chickens when the moment came. They had a baby carrier filled with blankets and a change of baby clothes that stood guard over their front door. But the 10th of December passed without any update. Remus was particularly insufferable but then again Janus had his own special brand of impatience. But all of that fell to pieces when they finally got the call at midnight that their surrogate had gone into labour. The baby was coming.

Janus blanched as he violently slapped Remus’ arm to get him up. He got up and started storming down the stairs all while silently gaping at the phone. Remus slunked after him before it suddenly dawned on him why Janus would be panicking at a phone call. 

The plan had been to sit at home and wait until the baby was born then drive carefully and calmly to the hospital. That lasted a good... 20 minutes? “Do you want to go and wait in the hospital?” Janus finally sighed. Remus’ fidgeting stopped for the first time since the call.

“Why? Do you wanna sit in a waiting room for hours on end?” Remus kept staring ahead. 

“Well I don’t know about you, but I can totally just sit here for several more hours.”

“We...” Remus sighed and wiped at his eyes, “We should be making the most of this really. Our last night of uninterrupted sleep.”

“Okay then, go to sleep then,” Janus laughed. Remus chuckled.

“Okay, let’s get going shall we?” Remus got up and held out his curled arm like the gentleman he was. 

“We shall... after you put actual clothes on. I’m sure the nurses don’t want to see your manky boxers,” Janus chuckled and pulled and flicked him with the waistband.  

They launched themselves at the car and only just remembered to actually grab the baby carrier. Sitting in the hospital room both felt like a relief and horrifically underwhelming. There were here now! They were here ready for any and all news. No need to keep anyone hanging. They felt productive just sitting there. But also... Both of them were just sitting there. In their rushed on jogging bottoms and baggy jumpers, with Remus’ wild bed head and Janus’ own frizzy hair lying limply against his back. They were both shivering as the December weather leaked into the waiting room. “Just time to wait...” Remus smiled weakly. 

An hour passed awkwardly. The second hour passed both quickly and also as painstakingly slowly. 

Remus’ phone vibrated from his pocket:

Evil Twin Bro- Hey, you know lots of weird stuff about getting different stains out right?

- yep

-also it really isn’t that weird. 

-it’s called being an adult.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you know how to get blood out of t-shirt material?

-is it dried or nah

-soak in cold water

-wash like loads of times

Evil Twin Bro- I’ll kill you if this doesn’t work. Also, why are you awake at 2 in the morning you maniac!

-could ask you 2

Evil Twin Bro- I asked you first. 

-baby’s coming.

Evil Twin Bro- Wait really??????!!!!!!!!!

Evil Twin Bro- Congratulations!!!! 

-haven’t got the baby yet. waiting 4 surro. 

Evil Twin Bro- Are you at the hospital?

-yea

Evil Twin Bro- How long have you been waiting?

-like 2h

Evil Twin Bro- Woah, that’s rough. How you holding up?

-dunno

Evil Twin Bro- You don’t know?

-feel like I’m gonna vomit. but also excited. 

-well I don’t know if it’s good vomit or bad vomit y’know?

Evil Twin Bro- I really don’t. What are you lot doing then?

-J fell asleep. I’m trying to save battery on phone. 

-So just sitting here.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you want me to drop stuff off for you? Pat was planning this whole thing for when you lot got the baby. He was going to cook you lot some fancy dinner and take it to you three. So I don’t mind helping you out! I could give you some muffins (trust me you’ll start to get hungry) and I have an iPad with a few films downloaded so you won’t need wifi. 

-jesus why cant you be like everyone else and send a sentence at a time

-we’re all goiufhgb   

-Hello Roman. This is Janus. Yes, we would greatly appreciate you bringing some stuff. 

Evil Twin Bro- Haha, no problem!

“I can’t believe you’re dragging him here,” Remus sighed as Janus wordlessly passed his phone back. 

“Why not?” Janus answered honestly. His whole being looked dragged down by sleepiness. Remus shrugged and looked ahead. Janus usually put so much effort into his appearance. Even the most basic ‘going to the shop’ outfit was a dramatic black and yellow gothic Disney villain who actually did crimes look. But he was simply shrugged over in the chair. He looked sleepily up to him through his hair. 

“Why was he even asking all that at 2am anyway!” 

“You don’t want him to come?” Janus asked, Remus heaved a sigh and plopped his head on top of Janus’. 

“I dunno... I think I’m just tired and panicky. It’s all good,” Remus muttered off to a whisper. He pressed a kiss to his hair and closed his eyes. 

He didn’t actually sleep. He just wanted to stop all conversation. People continued bustling in and out and Janus managed to fall asleep again with his chin propped up against his chest. He was even letting out a steady stream of snorty snores. Remus kept his eyes closed hoping no one would try to start a conversation with him. Janus was the talker to other people of their relationship. He only opened his eyes when he felt a firm prod to his shoulder. 

“Hey Reem,” Roman whispered before flicking his forehead. 

“What do you want dickbag?” Remus answered without thinking. Janus thankfully stayed sleeping. Roman only gave a pity smile and held out his bag. He pulled out some muffins and bottles of flavoured water alongside the promised ipad covered in glittery space stickers. Remus was too busy dumping the bag on the floor to notice Roman trying to get him to stand up. 

“C’mon.” He gestured to over where the reception was. Remus nodded heavily and gently prised himself from Janus. 

Now that they were further away, Remus saw that another hour and a half had passed. “Woah, you took ages?” 

“Yeah, I thought about waking up Pat and then you have no idea what a nightmare it was trying to find a 24 hour shop. Like it was so much harder than I thought!” Roman now spoke loudly with his on brand gestures.

“Right...” Remus fluffed up his hair and slumped into another chair. Hmm, just as uncomfortable as the other. 

“You okay?” Roman lowered himself to his eye line, looking like he was talking to a spooked dog, “Like really?”

“Dunno. I-I just don’t know. I feel a bit all over the place to be honest,” Remus flung his head back, “What did you lot feel?”

“Pretty much the same,” Roman giggled, “Patton was a mess. I think it’s always one person does fine while the other has an existential crisis. That was definitely Pat. But he calmed down the second he got to see Logan.”

Remus nodded, not entirely sure if he was actually listening or just getting lost in the sensation of his heavy head tipping up and down. “Fair,”

“What’s going through your head right now?”

“Dunno... D-Do you...” Remus started before whipping his head to face the wall behind him, “do you think I’ll be like... I dunno a good dad?”

“Of course,” Roman slapped an hand on his shoulder. He was looking forward at the waiting room with an awkward wonky smirk. 

“Okay listen. Let’s be honest. Being emotional and gross with you just feels weird. I’ve been fine with having a baby before this. This is purely me panicking right now. As you said, I’ll be fine. So we can we not do emotional conversation?” Remus laughed awkwardly but he lightened up once Roman relaxed as well.

“Oh thank god you said it!” Roman laughed and melted back into his chair.

“Why were you coated in blood in the middle of the night anyway?”

“I wasn’t coated in blood,” Roman gasped way too loudly which Remus cackled at. Roman blushed bright red and nodded at the concerned receptionist, “I got the most random nose bleed out of nowhere and I knew you were the entire person in existence who wouldn’t question me.”

“You make me sound like a total weirdo! I would question you!”

“But you didn’t!” 

They settled into silence for a bit before inevitably Remus felt the need to speak, “How the hell did mum ever cope with twins? Like that seems like a lot...”

“Right?! Right after we had Logan, I think my mother’s day presents probably tripled in cost. She deserves it. Like all the same build up and worry but then you have another baby to come!” Roman shook his head.

“Aren’t babies are fairly gross as well?” Remus grimaced.

“Oh yeah! Don’t be put off from it! Oh, I feel so awful but the first time I saw Logan my first thought was ‘ew’. They don’t look anything like babies at first. Like Logan was blue with a traffic cone shaped head.”

“Their head is all fragile and mouldable. Janus made sure to show me pictures of newborns,” Remus stared off into nothing before turning to him with his signature smirk, only a little more tired, “But I am so telling Logan you thought he was an ugly baby.”

“Ahem,” Janus stood before them with an expectant look. Remus smiled and held out his arm which Janus jokingly shoved aside to sit down on the chair, “Hello Roman, I’m guessing you’re responsible for the pile of stuff that was at my feet.”

“Yep! How are you doing?” Roman smiled awkwardly.

“Tired but that’s to be expected. Are you staying long?” 

“No, actually that’s a good point! I really shouldn’t stay out longer. Pat will actually murder me for butting myself in,” Roman stood up with an exaggerated old man groan, “But... please text when you finally say hello to the little guy! I expect pictures!” 

Once Roman left, they wandered back over to their stuff and settled into a long night. Janus tried to stay awake. He knew that Remus was having a freak out. You would think it would be easy with the bright harsh lighting in the waiting room and the constant buzzing of conversation. Yet, his head bobbed lower and lower before Remus finally guided his head to his shoulder. He really tried but the tiredness and mix of emotions left him helpless. Remus only smiled at his useless husband before settling himself into Roman’s ipad. He settled into the Incredibles without much else to do. 

It was 5am when Remus saw the husband of the surrogate walk over to them. He didn’t think about it has he flung himself upwards, flinging Janus wide awake. The guy looked exhausted. “Hey, Remus and Janus?” He asked, thoroughly mispronouncing Janus, with his hand held out. Remus nodded awkwardly before thrusting a still waking up Janus at him.

“Yes, hello.” Janus shook his hand firmly. 

“Hey so the baby’s arrived,” He spoke softly as he walked back into the winding corridors he emerged from. They quickly followed after him, “He’s 6lb and about 20 inches. A little small thing but all healthy and average.”

“Aw, that’s all good to hear. Congratulations,” Janus sleepily smiled.

“Thanks but I think I’m supposed to be saying that to you two!” The guy chuckled awkwardly before he opened a door for them. 

Inside was the mother looking absolutely exhausted, curled up into her pillow with her frizzy hair thrown about the place. Janus subconsciously flicked his hand through his own hair, only now realising that he never brushed it before coming out. Ah well, not like anyone was looking their best for the demon of the baby that woke them all up. And of course there was the star of the show.

The baby was fussing a clear plastic crib looking thing, his reddened arms flinging around with his tiny little feet occasionally kicking. His face was screwed up but at least he wasn’t crying. He was simply laying there. The little boy that would change everything. 

Janus managed to pull away from the sight and say something to the mother. Remus deserved the first moments with their son. 

Remus looked at the mother but she was busy talking so he quietly shrugged before holding his hands out. It felt bad. They baby was clearly still fussy but quiet. What if picking him up set him off? But his hands were also hanging over him now. Sighing, he gently lowered his hands so they just about touched the tiny baby. He was warm to the touch and Remus grimaced at his thoughts that erupted from that. Maybe it was just because he was in a warm room. It felt like he was five years old all over again. It was like when a relative you barely know has a baby and just dumps the baby in your arms because it’s cute but you have no idea how to hold this fragile floppy new human. 

The baby sniffled at feeling his hands slowly worm underneath him but Remus then swiftly took hold of him and brought him to his chest, quietly shushing him without thinking. Thankfully, he settled down instantly. He was somehow both tiny and way heavier than he thought. “Heya little fella,” He cooed as he tried to uncurl his fist. The baby’s tiny little fingers uncurled and pressed back against his own finger. 

“He’s gorgeous,” Janus sighed as he came up behind Remus.

“Aw, he is. What are you guys naming him again?” The mother quietly asked.

“Virgil,” Remus answered but he kept his eyes glued to his baby. Janus smoothed his hand over the baby’s head. 

“Oh that’s a unique name!” The mother chirped.

“Has two people with unusual unique names, it only felt appropriate,” Janus muttered but his focus was completely enraptured by the baby, “Reem, do you mind doing the last of the paper work, then we can leave you all to recovery.”

“Cheers,” The father smiled awkwardly. Remus held out the baby and graciously lowered him into his arms. He perked up when he felt Remus press a kiss to his cheek, god he was clearly felt so sappy today. Not that he could really blame him.

They brought the baby carrier into the room ready to take him home and of course his eyes caught on their supplies. They brought a infant onesie- the cutest and non-halloween themed one they bought- but yet Janus frowned at the thought of trying to wrestle this baby into clothing. He looked much more comfortable pressed to his chest that he did lying down but he still looked like he could be seconds away from crying again. Of course, he couldn’t even begin to understand how stressful birth must be. The poor thing. He awkwardly bent backwards and grabbed the same blanket they bought about a month ago. Despite how much he tried, he couldn’t get out the black marker stain. It was just the first blanket they grabbed when preparing. Obviously. Of course. The first thing they grabbed. He grappled with the baby to gently cocoon him in the purple blanket. The spider web spiral sat in the middle of his back making him look like their little spider sitting in the middle of his purple spider web. 

He didn’t track when Remus came back in. He didn’t even think to keep up conversation with the biological parents. All he knew was that he was slowly stepping back and forth while pressing his face into Virgil’s own squishy cheek. 

Their little baby Virgil. 

#sanders sides #My writing #remus sanders #Janus Sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #family dark sides #fanfic #fluff #family #demus #dukeceit

[jae-bummer]

No Where But Up

Request: Hi!!! I'm so happy you opened for requests, but there's so many people I'd request for 😭 Can I ask for prompt 15 with Mr. Jay Park because you just write for him so well and I'm in need of some fun. Thank you!!! 💜

15) That awkward moment when you accidentally end up on an Idols Only dating app. (specify bias) 

Member: Jay Park x Y/N x (ft. Gray & Loco & Simon D)

Type: Fluff

Warning: Harsh language

“Have you seen her before?” Loco asked, tilting a brow as he slid his phone across the table. It skid to a stop in front of Gray where he eyed it lazily. 

“Have not,” he hummed, looking back to his phone again. 

“Well, who is she?” Loco asked, leaning to retrieve his device. 

“Considering I’ve never seen her before,” Gray sighed, setting down his own cell. “I really couldn’t tell you.” 

“It says Y/N,” Loco read quietly. “She’s new to Seoul.” 

“Are you on that stupid idol dating app?” Jay grumbled, shoving another piece of food into his mouth. “Also, I thought we agreed no phones during family dinners.” 

“Not idols,” Loco argued. “Celebrities.”

“I.e. Korean pop idols,” Jay repeated. “And I’m still not seeing you put away your phone.”

“But hyung, look at her,” Loco gasped, shoving his phone into Jay’s face. Taking a deep breath, Jay set down his chopsticks and grabbed the phone from Loco. His eyes studied the small screen, causing him to furrow his brows. 

“But who is she?” 

Jay had never seen someone he had been so interested in by mere photo alone. He knew you couldn’t possibly be a celebrity as he would have remembered an ass...a face like that if he had ever encountered it. Plus, nothing about you said celebrity. Of course you were beautiful, anyone with two eyes could see that, but you were average in the best sort of way. 

Ever since he had come back to Korea, a part of him had craved some sort of normalcy, and you looked like you could provide it. You had the warmth of one of the homegirls from back home. He could get lost in your eyes and that ass...that smile. You looked like you could handle his crazy lifestyle and be the big spoon to his little. 

Gray groaned, interrupting Jay from his thoughts of the future, and slumped on the small bench the two were sharing. He reached up and began to circle his fingers over his temples. 

“I don’t know!” Loco huffed, finally answering his question. 

Gray rolled his eyes as he snatched the phone out of Jay’s hands and set it beside him. “No phones during dinner, remember?” 

“Aish,” Jay grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Gray is right, we shouldn’t be looking at our phones while trying to have a meal together.” 

Gray nodded proudly as he had now harbored Loco’s confiscated phone. He reached up, bringing his chopsticks between his fingers, only to notice the two men beside him had gone silent. He looked up again to see them focusing directly on their food, eating with a new fervor he wasn’t familiar with. 

“If you two keep eating like that, you’ll get a stomach ache,” he muttered, gingerly plucking out a piece of meat from the grill. 

“Really hungry,” Jay croaked between bites.  “Must eat. Can’t talk.”

“If you want to look at the app, just look at the damn app,” Gray said, his face completely void of all emotion. 

“App?” Jay chirped innocently, his eyes wide. “I have no idea of this app you speak of. Loco, do you know of what app he speaks of?” 

“Probably the celebrity dating one we were just talking about,” Loco nodded absently as he shoved a piece of kimchi into his mouth. 

Jay’s innocent expression melted into something closer resembling exasperation as he looked at his friend. “Excuse me for a moment.” 

Jay patted his lips delicately with a cloth napkin and slid off of the bench. He nodded to Gray before shuffling off toward the restroom. 

“He’s downloading it, isn’t he?” Gray sighed, setting his chopsticks down. 

Loco laughed, shaking his head. “It’s downloaded, paid for, and he’s probably on his first date now.” 

Gray and Loco exchanged knowing glances before quickly finishing their own meals. After several moments of waiting for Jay to reemerge, it didn’t take them long to decide on enacting a rescue mission.

The pair tip toed into the restroom, remaining silent as they heard hushed curses fly from over one of the stalls. “What the fuck does this even mean? Wait, do I have to get my celebrity profile verified? Why are there so many people on this damn thing? So do I...wait...did I just swipe right on a dude?...he was fine though, but like, I’m not about that homie. Can I message him and tell him it was an accident...” 

“Uh, hyung?” Loco called, his grin growing wider by the moment. 

An uncomfortable silence filled the small restroom. Jay cleared his throat, wincing as he responded. “Yeah?”

“Everything okay in there?” Gray asked, trying not to snicker. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jay nodded, looking down to his hovering position above the toilet. He wasn’t actually using the facilities, but was squatting on the seat, attempting to hide his feet from being seen. He wanted privacy as he dived deep into his first ever dating app, even risking his new shoes to possibly catch a glimpse of your face again. “Can’t a man just casually take a shit without his friends sending out a search party?”

“If by shit, you mean download an idol dating app,” Loco teased. “Then no, we can’t leave you alone.” 

Jay hopped down from the toilet and shoved his phone into his back pocket. He quickly unlocked the stall and slammed open the door. He pouted in annoyance as he walked toward the sink and began to vigorously wash his hands. “I don’t know what ya’ll think you’re talking about, but you should know your boy better than that. Jay Park doesn’t need a dating app. I am the definition of game.” 

“Then why is your boy on the newly listed members page?” Loco asked with lifted brows as turned his phone screen around and smiled. 

Jay turned the handles of the sink and shook off his hands. “You know what? Fuck ya’ll,” he grumbled. “Trifling asses thinking your slick. I see how it is.” 

Jay stuck out his bottom lip as he shouldered past his friends and exited the bathroom. 

“How long you think it’ll be before we meet her?” Loco asked with a chuckle. 

“Meet her or hear her screaming Jay’s name from his office?” Gray sighed. He patted Loco on the shoulder, jutting his chin out in the direction Jay had just departed from. “Come on, let’s get the “definition of game” some ice cream to help his bruised feelings.”

“Crap, crap, crap,” you hissed, pacing your room. You brought your hands up and into your hair, giving a light tug of frustration. “No, no, no.” 

You reached down again, tapping frantically at your phone’s screen. 

“How did I even do this? I can’t even believe,” you continued, stomping your feet as you spoke. 

“From the sound of it, I could swear you just accidentally sent me the entirety of your bank account via PayPal,” your roommate muttered, looking up at you over her glasses. 

“No,” you groaned, plopping forward toward the counter and burying your face. 

“But for the record, rent is due next week, so I’m going to need you to send me the entirety of your bank account,” she grinned, hopping up from her spot. “Seriously though, what’s wrong? I love existential crises.” 

“You suck,” you sighed, slowly lifting your head. “But I suck more.”

“Do tell,” she prompted. 

“Are you familiar with Idolize?” you hummed, chewing nervously on your lip. 

“That shitty celebrity dating app that wouldn’t accept me as a member so I could marry my inevitable husband, Kim Heechul?” your roommate asked. “Nope, never heard of it.” 

“Well, I didn’t know anything about it,” you continued slowly. “But somehow on my search to not be lonely-”

“Why are you lonely? You have me,” she interrupted. 

“Somehow on my search to not be lonely,” you continued. “I downloaded like a handful of dating apps and that was one of them and I made a profile and it got accepted and now I LITERALLY JUST GOT A MESSAGE FROM KIM JONGHYUN AND I NEED HELP.” 

“Holy shit,” your roommate gasped, her jaw dropping. “Alright, one, does the app have a reference system that can get me in?” 

You shot her a dirty look, causing her to nod. “Okay, I get it, it’s a sensitive time, I’ll ask later. Two, what the hell did he say?” 

You clicked anxiously into the message, feeling your face grow hot as you read. “Is your phone in your back pocket? Because that booty is calling me.” 

“I don’t care if he’s an idol, if you don’t delete him right now, I’m forever judging,” your roommate grumbled. 

You groaned again just as your phone pinged. 

“Who’s that?” she gasped, moving to stand beside you so she could look over your shoulder. 

“J...J...Jay Park,” you stuttered with wide eyes. “Should I open it?” 

“If you don’t, I will,” she gasped, smacking your arm. 

“Okay...he says...” you hummed, clicking on the message. “Hey girl, so I know you probably don’t belong here, so aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” 

“I don’t know if you should be flattered or not?” your roommate whispered, squinting at the screen. 

“Do...do I respond?” you asked, tilting your head. 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” she laughed. “He gets you out your panties? Sounds like the opposite of a problem to me.” 

You wiggled your brows, not completely turned off by the thought. 

“There are two kinds of people on these things, Y/N,” your roommate sighed. “Those looking to hook up and those looking for soulmates. You just have to figure out which one you are...and which one these guys are.” 

You glanced down to your screen, trying not to grin. “Okay, okay,” you whispered. “I’m responding.” 

“And?” she asked. 

“No doubt what your profession is.” 

“Oh,” your roommate grumbled. “Anticlimactic.” 

“You need a build up!” you gasped, your breathing faltering as the app signaled Jay had begun typing. “He responded. ‘Oh yea? What is it then baby girl?’“

“An artist, cause you’re a fine piece of work,” you typed quickly, grinning as you hit send. 

“You are so full of cheese, I don’t even want to be near you right now,” your roommate grumbled, pushing off of the counter and walking away from you. “Give her a dating app and she sends puns to a celebrity.” 

“He opened with a pun!” you gasped. “Jay Park is a punny, punny man.” 

“Puns don’t get you laid!” she chimed, walking back into the living room. 

“Maybe I don’t want to get laid!” you called back. “Maybe I want to get cuddled.” 

“By Jay Park?” she cackled. “Good luck with that!” 

Jay rolled over on the couch, his smile beginning to hurt his cheeks. His face had grown deeper and deeper in shades of red as he continued to text you. 

“I think he’s having a fit,” Loco muttered, eying his hyung from across the lounge. They had made it back to the AOMG offices, and Jay hadn’t spoken a word since arriving. Every now and again he would communicate via squeaks and giggles, but overall he had turned into a blushing mess. 

“I think he’s losing his damn mind,” Gray clucked, eying his friend wearily. “What are we going to do if they start dating?” 

“Maybe it’ll be good for him?” Loco sighed, watching as Jay flopped on the couch after his phone had dinged. 

Gray smirked, shaking his head. “I guess him being happy couldn’t necessarily be a bad thing?” 

“He did say he was tired of hook ups,” Loco hummed. “You have to admit, he’s pretty cute like this.” 

“Puppies are cute,” Gray grumbled. “This is frightening.”

“Why is Jay wallowing on the couch and making preteen girl noises?” Simon asked, appearing from his office. 

“I think he’s smitten,” Gray whispered, shaking his head. 

“Good,” Simon nodded. “Maybe he’ll start writing better songs.” 

“Shut the hell up!” Jay called from the sofa. “Gossipy bitches. I write bops now!”

“Of course you do,” Simon nodded. “You must have heard me wrong!” 

“Damn right I did,” Jay muttered under his breath. “I’m the damn voice of a generation.” 

Simon rolled his eyes and patted his label mates on their shoulders. “No where to go but up boys, no where to go but up.” 

#jay park #park jaebum #aomg #jay park fanfic #jay park fluff #jay park scenario #jay park park oneshot #jay park oneshot #jay park drabble #dating jay park #boyfriend jay park #jay park au #loco #gray #simon d #simon dominic

[yakumtsaki]

Well that was.. abnormally fast. Turns out I had downloaded some shorter semester mod in fucking August and then forgotten all about it! Why would I download such an unholy concoction in the first place is beyond me. It’s back in hell where it belongs now so we’re getting the full college experience going forward but ugh, upsetting nonetheless..

I mean is there enough time in the world to enjoy this crazy bitch that was slapping Gunther yesterday (for ‘cheating on her’ even though they’re not even friends) heartfart over him now? Girl what is wrong with you.

-I’M A WORK IN PROGRESS OK

Aren’t we all.

-NOT I. I’M ABSOLUTELY PERFECT THE WAY I AM, EVERYONE IN CAMPUS IS LUSTING AFTER ME AND I HAVE THE HEIR VOTE IN THE BAG

You also keep washing dishes that aren’t your own.

-A girl sees you voluntarily cleaning up, she starts to wonder what else you could offer without her asking ;)

Ew yea that’s definitely not a thing.

-IT’S A THING

YEA OK IT’S A THING. NOTHING SEXIER THAN ROTTING FOOD AND OTHER PEOPLE’S SALIVA

-Ah there you are <3 I saw you washing worm covered dishes earlier, you have to keep that for my eyes only baby <3

GODDAMMIT BLUE MEATBALLS WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SHITTING ALL OVER MY POINTS

UM OK JOIN US WHY DON’T YOU

LOL looks like you got yourself a girlfriend, Gunther! Congrats, didn’t think you had it in you.

-Help. me.

No can do baby. And I actually mean that, I wouldn’t know how to break you two up even if I wanted to. I mean you slept with someone else in the middle of your date and she stood there smiling, there’s obviously no stopping this crazy train. See you at the wedding!  

Meanwhile Daniel is making a very important call that I’m sure is gonna fail.. but you never know if you don’t try..

OMG SHE SAID YES. STEP INTO OUR HAMMER-&-SICKLE-SHAPED-WEB BRITTANY. 

LMAO see you never, nerds.

-Ooooh a love letter for me from a secret admirer <3

Yea that’s obviously for Gunther from a very special lady. I legit don’t remember which one but PUT THAT DOWN BRITTANY IS COMING, she’s gonna think you’re some kind of player. 

-Well 2 minutes of conversation are gonna take care of that misconception.

Yea you can say that again.

UUUUUUGH this can’t NOT work they’re perfect for each other I know it!!! COME ON BRIT DON’T LET ME DOWN

-FOR THE LAST TIME DANIEL, PRETTY WOMAN IS NOT ABOUT THE LUMPENPROLETARIAT 

-UGH you could not be more wrong, comrade Brit Brit, but bourgeois college apathy has obviously crushed whatever critical thinking skills managed to survive the sorority confirmation process.

Good god. Ok that’s enough, time to see what we’re really dealing with here. GET UP.

THAT’S BETTER. HOPE THOSE HEARTS AREN’T FOR THE BIRD

FUCKING BYE I KNEW IT. I KNEW THEY WERE MEANT TO BE. I mean both popularity and both suck ass at it + polar opposites at everything else?? Romeo and Juliet who.

Marvin Gaye - Let’s get it on.mp3

Interrupting our wonderful time is the cow harassing the girl Gunther woohooed in the middle of his date with Meatballs. I love college <3

Time to move this party to the bedroom! Just us, Brit, and our new best friend. Judging from the positions in the above photo, Daniel’s first sexual experience isn’t going to be a conventional one.

Aw come on Brit, don’t be like that, there’s plenty of Dan to go around!

Ok now you’re just making Mr Cow sad. Stop excluding him!!

UGH he left, hope you pillowchested assholes are happy with yourselves.

That’s right, get them, crazy secret society blonde!

-HEY I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE YOU DICKS

-WELL CLOSE YOUR FUCKING DOOR GIRL, GAWD

-NO, I’M TRYING TO SLEEP *HERE*. GET OUT OF THE BED

Hope you enjoyed the view, blondie!

The love juices have yet to dry as Wyatt rushes to occupy the bed. I feel the need to remind readers THAT DORMIES HAVE THEIR OWN BEDS. You literally wouldn’t know from looking at my game.

Case in fucking point, immediately after Wyatt awakens, another one of Jojo’s semi-lovers helps himself to our communal bed. Remember Ti-Ning? He’s stinking under the covers and as I suspected, Jojo ‘hates him’ aka is secretly into him. Good to see the Blue Meatballs stalking method gaining more fans!

WELL WELL WELL look who moved in. After Gunther ‘cheated’ on the redhead lunatic sis, the responsibility of getting us into the secret society has fallen squarely on Jojo’s frail shoulders. 

-HEY

SORRY, on Jojo’s buff, well-defined shoulders. 

-Thank you.

You keep your eye on the prize, right?

-Of course. Every step she takes, every breath she takes-

-So as I was saying, it’s an absolute disgrace that there isn’t A SINGLE flat earth class in this college. Of course we all know who’s responsible.. Starts with -I, ends with -lluminati..

-Yea, I’m out.

NO YOU DON’T. Must I remind you what’s at stake here??

-Must I remind you I don’t care about resurrecting that stupid cat? I mean if it was Victor, we’d be having a different conversation.

Ugh fucking Victor istg. But NO, I’m talking about finally getting what your tiny, murderous heart has been craving all those years.. THE COWPLANT. Just think about it, Jojo..

-Oh god, the power, the unlimited power.. Fucking Ti-Ning is first on my list.

Yea we all know you want to fuck Ti-Ning but I don’t think you have to threaten him with a cowplant, he’d probably say yes if you asked him out-

-I MEAN FIRST ON MY KILL LIST STFU

-You know what repulses me, dear Jojό? Musique classique, is absolutely the worst, no? I mean who likes it apart from bores and killers seriàl? 

-Oh yea, you’re so right, Ti-Ning WYATT.

God Jojo are you so committed to this charade of denial that you’re gonna date someone who hates creepy classical music? What’s next? Does he hate bow-ties and oedipal complexes too?

-’Scuse me, my.. girlfriend.. is waiting for me.. When did life get so unfun :(

-Oui, I think it’s imperative that you sever all relationships with anyone wearing plaid pantalons, Jojό.. Très unseemly..

-Oh my <3

Well this stamp of approval is the fucking deathblow, JOJO GET OUT NOW. TI-NING’S DOOR IS RIGHT THERE

-NEVER. IN FACT..

-My god, Wyatt, your manipulative criticism of my interests and family is attractive to say the least! 

NOP I don’t accept this, even you can’t keep this bullshit up!

-WATCH ME. I’M GOING TO BUY A RING TOMORROW. ONE MADE OF CHEESE SINCE HE’S FRENCH

</3

Speaking of ‘</3′ looks like Meatballs hired a sniper to hit Gunther with the arrow of love. I extremely have other plans for him so this is obviously not happening but NICE TRY MEATBALLS

...........OMG. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM, YOU BROKE HIM

-HA. Watch and learn bitch, first I let him be his gross whoring self.. and now that I have him.. the era of Blue Meatballs.. BEGINS.

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING COWPLANT

#ts2 #union legacy

[showmeurmoves]

WWE: Out of Business ch.3

The superstars gathered together in their usual warehouse. Shane McMahon was counting all the money they’ve made so far.

“Thanks to all your hard work we are at $70,000 for the week,” said Shane McMahon.

All the superstars started clapping.

“And we can all thank Stephanie whose been our biggest contributor,” Shane continued.

Triple H hugged Stephanie McMahon than kissed her.

“That’s my baby, I’m proud of you. Tell them how you did it,” said Triple H.

Stephanie proudly stepped up to the podium.

“Well, thanks to Hunter, I got a job as a telemarketer and I make money from commission. All I have to do is mention Daddy’s name and people are more willing to give” Stephanie explained.

Kevin Owens raised his hand.

“Hey, where is Vince anyway?” asked Kevin.

“Yea he’s been gone this entire time,” Sasha Banks pointed out.

Triple H and Shane looked at each other confused.

“Where is Dad?”  asked Shane.

“He said he’s out doing business,” answered Stephanie.

“Is he out doing porn?” asked Kevin.

“No he’s not doing porn!! This Meeting is over!” yelled Stephanie.

After the meeting, everyone gathered their stuff and started to leave. Bayley turned to Sami Zayn to ask him something.

“Hey Sami do you want to hang out with us later? Mojo Rawley got us free tickets to the movie theater since he just started working there,” said Bayley.

“Sorry I can’t. I have to start work in a little bit,” answered Sami.

“Really? Where do you work now?” asked Bayley.

“I just became an uber driver”.

“Cool. That’s actually the most reasonable job any of us has had so far,” said Bayley

“And it’s great too. I get to make my own hours, drive nice people around, and make money while doing it,” Sami said happily.

“I’m happy for you. Let me know when you get off so we can hang,” said Bayley before she left.

Sami Zayn pulled up to a high school and two girls got out of the car.

“Thanks for dropping us off Sami,” said one of the girls.

“And we’re really big fans of yours,” said the other one.

“Thanks for your support. Have fun at school,” replied Sami.

After the girls went to class, Sami got a notification for his next ride. He pulled up to an alley and saw two men wearing suits, sunglasses, and holding briefcases. They got into the car.

“So where are we off to today?” asked Sami.

“Mexico,” the man answered firmly.

Sami was confused by the man’s answer.

“Mexico? The app says we’re only going to Target,” Sami replied.

The other man pulled out a gun and put it to Sami’s head.

“You’re gonna take us where we want to go,” said the man.

“Ok. Mexico, it is!” Sami said in fear.

Meanwhile, Bayley, Sasha Banks, Seth Rollins, and Finn Balor were playing go fish at the warehouse. Seth’s phone started ringing and he stepped away from the game.

“Hello,” said Seth.

After he answered the phone he heard Sami loudly crying.

“Seth! I don’t wanna be a uber driver no more. I’m scared!” Sami cried.

“Why, what’s wrong with you? And what are you crying for?!” Seth asked.

“I was giving a ride to these two guys and it turns out they’re in the drug cartel. And they said if I don’t drive them to Mexico and help them transport their drugs, then they’re gonna kill me!” Sami said in tears.

“Man, that’s too bad. Where are you now?” asked Seth.

“They made me stop at Burger King because they got hungry, so I’m hiding in the bathroom. They’re making me drive them to Texas in a few hours,” replied Sami.

“I’ll tell everyone else and we’ll come by to help you,” said Seth.

Sami’s cries got even louder.

“Thank you, Seth. I want my mama!” Sami said in tears.

“Yea I’m sure you do. Bye,” said Seth as he hung up. Seth went back to the table and continued the game.

“What was that all about?” asked Bayley.

“That was Sami. He’s saying that the guys he gave an uber ride to are drug dealers that are holding him hostage,” Seth explained.

“What? That’s terrible. Do you know where he is?” asked Sasha.

“Yea he said he’s on his way to Texas,” Seth replied nonchalantly. He continued to shuffle the deck while everyone at the table stared at him.

“So, are you gonna help him?” asked Finn.

“Hell no. I don’t want to get killed!” Seth replied.

“I’ll go help him,” said Finn.

Everyone looked at him in shock.

“Really?! Finn, are you sure?” Bayley asked with concern.

“Of course. Sami is my friend and I want to help,” Finn answered.

“If you think you can handle it, good luck,” said Sasha.

“I’m Irish, I invented luck” Finn replied confidently.

Moments later Seth, Sasha, Bayley, and The New Day were at an arcade playing Mortal Kombat. Seth’s phone rang so he stepped away from everyone.

“Hello”.

There was the sound of two people hysterically crying.

“Seth, it’s Finn! They got me too!” Finn cried.

Seth rolled his eyes.

“Are you serious? What happened to being lucky?” asked Seth.

“I lied. I’m the unluckiest person I’ve ever met!” Finn cried loudly. “The mobsters found out that we’re wrestlers and they said they won’t let us go unless we give them $50,000”.

Seth sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Ok. I’ll see what I can do,” replied Seth.

“Thank you, Seth. I’m so scaaaared!” Finn cried even louder.

Seth hung up then went back to his game.

“What was that all about?” asked Bayley.

“That was Finn. The drug dealers got him too and they want us to pay $50,000 to let them go,” Seth explained.

He continued to play the game as if nothing was wrong.

“Well aren’t you gonna do anything?” asked Sasha.

“Nope. I’m not getting shot because of their stupidity,” Seth answered.

“But they’re you’re friends. You have to do something about it,” replied Sasha.

Seth laughed.

“Why don’t you make me?”

Sasha pushed Seth against the machine and gave him a purple nurple. He began screaming.

“Ok ok, I’ll help!” Seth screamed.

Sasha let him go. She left with the New Day while Seth was clutching his chest.

“That actually wasn’t so bad” whispered Seth. He looked over at Bayley

“So……are you gonna make me help them too?” Seth asked Bayley. She hit him in the back of the head and walked off.

All the superstars met up at the warehouse. Triple H stood at the front of the podium.

“I’m actually not sure why we’re here today. Seth is the one who called this meeting, so he’s going to speak,” explained Triple H. Seth stepped up to the front of the podium.

“So, here’s what’s going on. Sami Zayn got kidnapped while giving and uber ride. Finn went to go get him and now they’re both being held hostage until we give them $50,000” explained Seth.

Everyone in the warehouse looked shocked and worried.

“Are you serious? What are we gonna do?!” asked Becky Lynch.

“Well we can’t give them the money” answered Shane McMahon. “$50,000, that’s almost everything we’ve made”.

“We’re not gonna give them anything,” Triple H answered.

Everyone looked confused.

“Baby what do you mean by that?” asked Stephanie.

“I mean guys, we’re all wrestlers. Many of us were champions at one point. I think we’re strong enough to take them back by force,” said Triple H.

“Are you sure about that? Sami did say they had guns,” said Seth.

“I think we can handle it. All we have to do is get are toughest guys and we take those thugs out,” said Triple H.

Triple H pulled out a piece of paper.

“Seth, Baron Corbin, Roman Reigns, and Braun Strowman, we’re gonna get our boys back. Here’s our plan………”

The superstars all met back up at the warehouse. Triple H stood at the podium with a black eye and his arm in a sling.

“Ok so that plan didn’t work,” said Triple H.

Seth was in his seat while Sasha held an ice pack to his eye. The rest of the guys were being treated for their wounds as well.

“Yea, we probably should’ve told you that they brought friends,” said Finn.

“So clearly we had to pay the money to get Sami and Finn back. Shane, can you tell us how much we have left?” asked Triple H.

Shane hesitated when he stepped up to the podium.

“Due to the ransom we had to pay, we’re down to $20,000” said Shane.

Everyone in the place looked shocked.

“What?! That’s even less than we had at the beginning of the month!” yelled Sasha.

“Yea I know! Thanks to Sami Zayn and Lucky Charms over there we lost all our money. I’d beat the hell out of both of you if I wasn’t already injured,” said Seth.

The rest of the superstars began to get angry at Sami and Finn as well.

“How was I supposed to know that uber would  turn out so bad?” asked Sami.

“And how was I supposed to know that I couldn’t fight two armed drug dealers by myself?” asked Finn.

Stephanie stepped to the front of the podium.

“Calm down everyone, Sami and Finn didn’t mean for this happen. Let’s just make a rule that none of us can sign up for uber anymore”.

James Ellsworth raised his hand.

“Can we still sign up for Lyft?” asked Ellsworth.

Triple H, Stephanie, and Shane all looked at each other and nodded their heads.

“Yea that sounds like a great idea. We should all sign up.” said Triple H.

The superstars got out their phones and started downloading lyft.

“Baby put the phone in my good hand for me,” Triple H said to Stephanie. “I’m gonna start tomorrow”.

#wwe fanfiction #seth rollins #finn balor #sami zayn #Triple H #bayley #sasha banks #WWE