#FUCK im down bad

[eight-cats-in-a-box]

Reasons why Jet Black is the Ultimate Husbando:

1. He can cook

THIS IS CANON

2. He's a GENTLEMAN

Look at him and tell me he DIDN'T treat his mama right

That's right

You can't

3. He hasn't broken hearts

Only had his heart broken

(rip 😔)

4. He likes bonsai trees

Again, canon

Anyone who likes plants is (usually) a kind soul

5. HE'S SO SHAPED LOOK AT HIM AAAAAAA

6.✨Trauma✨

I won't elaborate bc ✨spoilers✨ but ya

7. He's good with kids

He's so mom friend omg

Again, canon

8. Sweet boi

Couldn't harm a soul

But he has to

He's a ✨cowboy✨

9. Thicc

Look at him

He's built like a BRICK WALL DAMMIT

MANS GOT MORE TIDDY THAN I DO (not self deprecation, just observation)

AAAAA

World cold, world hard(shut up), tiddy soft, tiddy warm

10. Warmf

Good snuggles

Good hugs

Overall 10/10 Bf/husband

Wish he was real

✨But alas,✨ my fair Romeo shall remain fiction

this gif is so cute fml

Reasons why Spike Spiegel is Ultimate Husbando #2:

1. Floof

Look at him

He would APPRECIATE head scritches

Somf boi

2. Strong man

He can fight like he's dancing, he would give INCREDIBLE snuggles

lanky green bean lookin ass

3. More trauma

Also got his heart broken

Poor boi needs hugs

But he's too cool for that

no he's not go hug him

4. Fashion

He wears a SUIT

to FIGHT PPL

HE HAS FASHION SENSE

5. Good with his hands

Do I need to elaborate 7w7

6. Flirt

Fucking flirty

Whyyyy

Aaaaaa

7. Can drive

Bc we all know that's awesome

And he drives like a champ

Got the speeding tickets to prove it/ref

8. Probably a good kisser

Idk just a hunch

why is he not realllll aaaaaa

9. He's so sweet when he wants to be

But he's so depressed

And it's so sad

10. He absolutely has tiddy

It's canon

WORLD COLD AND HARD, TIDDY SOFT AND WARM

10/10

WHY IS HE NOT REALLLLL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EDIT: Since y'all seem to like my crackfic writing, why don't you check out some of my other stuff?

#cowboy bebop #spike spiegel #jet black #cowboy bebop x reader #spike spiegel x reader #jet black x reader #spike spiegel x you #jet black x you #cowboy bebop x you #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #fuck #dumbass chats @... 12:50 AM #i cannot make this shit up #it is 12:50 and im rambling abt fictional men to Tumblr #FUCK im down bad #while im here: (@ all fanfic authours) HOW DO U WRITE SO GOOD #like seriously #sharing is caring #leo writes

[jaylaxies]

ari babes why is hyuck the most perfect man ever 🤕

because he’s so cute and sweet and a menace cause he does things to my heart but it’s okay cause he’s got the prettiest beauty marks ever and his voice?? i can listen to him forever but he’s also the one who’s very caring and giving and he won’t ever let you be sad and—

#fuck im down bad

[lil-rosies]

Finn Wolfhard and Joe Keery singing dOES THINGS TO ME-

#stranger things cast #joe keery #djo #finn wolfhard #calpurnia #fuck im down bad #it would be illegal but i would gladly bow down to either of them #say it aint so - calpurnia #Chateau (feel alright) - djo #fuck around and listen to those babes

[wysteria-bloom]

⚝ " mine, all mine "

How do the hazbin boys kiss you

Warnings : I mentioned 'lady' in lucifer's part, but the reader can still be interpreted as whatever gender ya want. Highly suggestive on both Lucifer and Vox's parts.

Genre : Fluff, suggestive

A/n : this account has been doing so well lately and I just want to say thank you so much. I love every single comment you guys send in and the support is so appreciated. You're the reason I get the motivation to write these silly little stories so thank you.

Characters : alastor, Vox, lucifer

▢ alastor ⍋

- Sweet as cream -

"Al, can you pass me the cream?" You asked politely, stirring your coffee absentmindedly. Your eyes didn't lift from your book, too engrossed in the scene that was playing out.

Your boyfriend hummed, currently in the middle of his meal and looked at the cream sitting next to him," I'm not sure, darling. Can I?" He teased out, his ever-present grin stretching mischievously.

You blinked at his response and looked up from your book, raising an eyebrow at him," Well, I would like to think my lovely boyfriend isn't incompetent." You replied bluntly, a sweet tone to your voice as your head tilted to the side.

"Frankly? My wonderful partner is being rather rude at the moment and doesn't seem to be deserving of the cream!" He shot back just as sweetly.

"Oh-hoh? Is that right?" Your eye twitched, smile dropping ever so slightly," Well, perhaps I can show you just how rude I can be when you're banished to the couch, hm?"

"What a card to pull, my dear!" He placed his face in his hands, eyes sparkling with amusement and glee," I must really be pushing your pretty little buttons."

There was a small growl at the back of your throat but you were quick to push it down with a cough, but from Alastor's perked up ears and widening grin, he had heard you.

"Alastor, love of my life, how can I stop you from being a pain in my ass today?" You asked, making sure your tone was light with gentleness despite your foul language.

He let out his typical 'hm', his eyes narrowing in thought as one of his claws tapped his chin,"... A kiss may just suffice."

You blanched at him,"... are you that emotionally chaotic that you have to irritate me to request for a kiss?"

"..." He began to slowly push the cream towards the edge of the table, a challenging glint in his eyes.

His actions basically answered your question, however.

"Oh my-... Okay! Okay." You begrudgingly got up from your seat and walked around the table to your tall deer-man whilst he only watched you with a cute little sparkle in his eyes.

You reached a hand out gently, brushing a knuckle against his cheek before cupping it. The smile couldn't stop from spreading across your lips when you saw him lean into your loving touch. He's come so far where sudden touches are concerned and you've never been more proud.

You leaned down, smile still on your face and you took note of the prideful grin on Alastor's lips as he looked at your lips," Don't look so happy with yourself - you're being a scoundrel, yknow?"

"Oh dear, a scoundrel?" He breathed, pretending to be devastated at the revelation," Whatever can I do to get back into your good graces, my love?"

You leaned down, lips brushing his," Good question..." Your hand fell from his face and you brushed a thumb onto the cream before bringing the white treat to his lips, swiping it across his bottom one,"... Give me what I asked for from the beginning?"

And with that, Alastor closed the gap between you both, lips moulding together perfectly. You hummed into the kiss, cupping his face softly to deepen the kiss, your tongue swiping across his bottom lip to clean the cream off.

At this, the passionate kiss got all the more sweeter. Alastor's hands fell to your hips, kneading the flesh like dough as he focused on the feeling of your soft lips against his.

When you both pulled away for a break, you were left panting against eachothers lips. The red-haired demon smiled widely, eyes lidded," I trust that this has qwelled our little rivalry, hm?"

"I dunno..." you pecked his lips and gave him a teasing grin," You still seem like a scoundrel to me."

Alastor chuckled lowly, "Then let me remind you of how much of a gentleman I can be," dragging you into another sweet kiss.

▢ vox ᯤ

- underlying spice -

"Vox, you're- ah~... You're gonna be fuckin' late idiot," You grunted out as he nipped at your neck, the feeling of his teeth sending literal pulses of electricity through your veins.

He had you caged to his desk, chest pushing against yours. Your bodies were so close together that you could feel a low and pleasurable buzz between you both.

He groaned against your neck," You think I give a shit about meetings when I have you pressed against me like this?" His sharp teeth grazed your skin teasingly, but there was the underlying threat of breaking your skin with them," and you're sooo fuckin' pretty like this too... I'm offended you'd think I'd abandon you in a state like this, babe."

Your hands gripped onto his shirt, giving him a threatening undertone as well," I am not letting you back out of a meeting I've been planning for months just 'cause you wanna get your fucking dick wet." You gritted out, but still not pushing him away.

"You're so bratty today." He pulled from your neck to grin down at you crookedly, an almost lazy tilt to his eyes," only makes me want you more."

"Well, you don't get that privilege dipshit. You need to go. Now." You frowned up at him, tapping his screen with a clawed finger.

"Stop acting like you don't want me to get you off. We both know that's not fuckin' true." He deadpanned.

"I can just go to Val for help." You shrugged absentmindedly," No biggie."

There was a low growl from him as moved his hands to your thighs, lifting you onto his desk suddenly. You yelped from the action and stared on in shock and arousal.

"Stop fucking fighting me on this." He mumbled, leaning in close to your face as his eyes narrowed," as if Val couldn't compare to me- are you fucking shitting me?" He seemed genuinely offended at the notion," You're both power-bottoms, how would that even work?"

"I dunno..." you tried to gain the higher ground by playing with some lint on his suit," I could top, this one time..." you leaned close to his face, an unhinged glint in your eyes," Juuuust to piss. You. Off..."

Suddenly, Vox surged forwards, capturing your lips in his. Almost instantly, his tongue is shoved down your throat, the buzzing of electricity making you moan. You gripped onto his jacket desperately, wanting to deepen the kiss even further but he refused. He set the slow and erotic pace of the kiss, claw digging into your hips to try and control himself. His other hand entangled into your hair, tugging ever so slightly to shove his tongue further into your mouth for more exploration.

Red liquid drooled from his mouth, the same coming from you too as you gasped and moaned into this rough kiss. You could swear the buzzing coming from his tongue was turning your brain into mush, making you forget about your previous grievances and think about him, him, him.

When he pulled from you, trail of red saliva connecting your lips as you panted breathlessly.

"... You're such a whiny fucking baby about everything." You grumbled.

Vox only grinned maniacally, knowing that meant you had given in," and you're easy to push over the edge, baby."

To celebrate his accomplishment of getting out of a meeting to rail you instead, he played an applause sound and people cheering from his screen to really rub it in your face, grin widening at the sight of the twitch of a smile on your lips.

"Oh, shut up!" You laughed out before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss.

▢ lucifer morningstar ⚝

- taste of home -

"Hon, I'm happy for you and everything, but isn't this a little bit excessive?" You mumbled out, a look of concern on your face as you watched him run around his office like a headless chicken to find a thin paintbrush.

"Pffft- Whaaat? No!" He waved his hand dismissively and grinned like a madman as he tinkered away at a little duck, hand painting meticulously," this is the perfect birthday present for her!" He then looked at you from over his shoulder, giving you lidded eyes and a charming grin," just trust the process, pretty."

Your heart fluttered at the nickname and you huffed, giving into his wild ideas as usual. His wonderful mind was a force to be reckoned with, and when he has a plan then there's no stopping him.

"You've been painting ducks for the passed three hours, though." You pointed out and walked over to him when his back was turned, wrapping your arms around his shoulders from behind. He didn't even react to your touch, continuing to paint the little ducky like it was his final mission in life.

But he did lean into your touch, however. Maybe he isn't a lost cause after all.

He didn't answer you, but you couldn't help but watch him. His hand moving methodically. You already knew what duck this was going to be, it was almost a perfect replica of Charlie.

But as a duck. Duh.

You smiled softly at the sight of it, watching for a minute or so before you leaned down to his neck, opening your mouth to whisper," Earth to Lou~..." you cooed out gently.

His shoulders tensed and his movements paused, a shiver running down his spine. He bit his lip and then gulped," y-yea-... ahem... yeah?" He could feel his cheeks growing hot at the press of your warm lips to the back of his neck.

"When are you gonna take a break?..." You hummed, trailing your kisses across his neck.

He set the duck down slowly, your affection having a grip on him,"... Now seems like a good time." He hummed back, head tilting to the side to give you more access.

"What a good answer~" you breathed out prasingly, lips sucking a little love bite to the back of his neck which made him moan lowly.

"Y-you're killing me here, beautiful..."

You chuckled," Kind of the idea, hon." Tapping his shoulder, you kissed his cheek," how about you turn around, hm? You can make it up to me with a kiss."

"Make... make it up to you?"

"Make up for ignoring me."

He smirked and turned around in your arms, wrapping his own around your waist, chin resting on your chest as he looked up at you," Oh yeah? My pretty lady wanted attention, huh?" He teased out gently with that heart-warmingly charming grin.

"No no no. You don't get to turn this on me, you tease." You grunted out, brows furrowing as you tapped his forehead.

"And why not?" He challenged, grin never falling.

"... because."

"What groundbreaking reasoning!" He laughed and then pulled you into his lap. A hand trailed up and down your spine lightly, the other moving to pull you closer into him by the waist," If you wanted attention, you could have just said, honey."

"You would have won, then."

"Who says I'm not winning right now?"

You pressed your forehead against his, eyes narrowing," Me."

"... and your word is final, yeah?" His amusement was clear," The King of Hell's word is worthless compared to yours?"

You giggled," correct."

He huffed out a breath of amusement and brought one of your hands to his lips, licking your wrist with a sultry glint to his eyes," Oh, wow... then I guess I really have to step my game up then, eh?"

Watching him with warm cheeks, you nodded with a gentle smile to your lips, "You do."

He brought you close to his face by cupping the back of your neck, pressing a gentle yet passionate kiss to your lips. His tongue immediately licking your bottom lip for permission to enter. You opened your mouth for him, humming lowly in pleasure as your hands ran through his hair.

His lips were warm and soft, they felt like home. The gentleness balanced out with the dominance and sent the perfect shivers throughout your body.

His touch to your back was soothing, claws sliding up and down; drawing patterns, spelling out your name and then his and then drawing a heart around it.

Fuck, he was so cheesy but it only made your love grow more.

#hazbin hotel x y/n #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x y/n #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #alastor x reader #vox x y/n #vox x you #vox x reader #im down-bad for lucifer 24 fucking 7

[cozylittleartblog]

worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)

Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...

#psa #art theft #pin theft #aliexpress #shein #wish #temu #deltarune #the bootleg pin is just over an inch tall. do you know how BAD this design looks at that size?? i'd know. i tested it. #they didn't even use the black nickel of the pin for the black parts of the design. and the listing says copper for some reason. what. #some people never even get their designs taken down. its really sad #so i might just have to deal with bootleg queens out there forever :( i hope nobody confuses the ripoffs for the real thing.... #my pin is so much nicer! its almost two inches big and it has two posts on the back so it doesn't spin #because spinning pins are the bane of my existence #im out here working my ass off out of my bedroom in my parents place trying to make a living and here come these pricks #i watermarked all my listing photos exactly so they Couldn't steal my fucking pictures so at least there's that #my new years is just full of bad luck so far i hope this isn't a bad omen #if my registration isn't accepted by the aliexpress copyright department I'm SOL and this will just. stay up i guess #i'm sad #bootleggers kys

[loz-the-noob]

Every day I think about the fact that she said these words and she . She said them. Out loud in a court of law.

#look widget’s happy that means she’s pleased with herself as well #every time she says something like this I want to kiss her stupid fucking face #I don’t understand my brain sometimes </3 #Athena Cykes #ace attorney #Spirit of Justice #aa6 #PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY ONE ON THIS SITE WHO’S DOWN BAD FOR THE THEENA

[sky-is-the-limit]

(+18) MDNI

Okay, Captain Price hoes, I found another audio for ya, this is literally John fucking Price meeting you at the bar and well.. The way he talks, the nicknames he uses.. tell me that ain't f Price.

NSFW audio, listen at your own risk:)

#this is so fucking him #my legs are f shaking #im down bad for Price help #captain price smut #captain john price #captain price #john price smut #john price #cod smut #cod #ghost #ghost smut #könig smut #soap smut #cod x reader

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol #i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory #but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair #instead of just getting rid of the disability #part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck #But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing #while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time #not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages #it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside #part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol #anyways it made me happy to see #and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that #anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo #oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass #p

[ssaseaprince]

Season 1 Will truly holds my whole heart. I know he's struggling, I know he's still got that darkness in him. But something about the way he struggles just hits my soul. Something about him just makes you fall in love. He wears the cologne he always gets for Christmas, he doesn't hesitate to rescue a stray dog. He goes out in the snow just so he can look at his house light up in the dark. He wears glasses he doesn't need and keeps people at arms length. He sleeps on a mattress on the floor so all his dogs can curl up around him. He makes his dogs food from scratch, he ties his own flies. He'll go out into the cold to look for a wounded animal. He forgets to eat, and he connects with those who are suffering, and he just wants to be good, even if it's purely for selfish reasons. He wears flannel and gives his dogs baths on the porch and may or may not play the piano. He is beautiful.

#I can see why Hannibal fell in love with him #this was in the drafts FOREVER #because its cheesy as fuck and i know yall are cringing at me #forgive the mispelled words and bad grammar i simply dont care #fr im down so bad its embarrassing #hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc

[kingprinceleo]

just kinda a thing i wanted to say since ik i have younger artists following me (its applicable to everyone really, but very important to form care habits as early as possible) i read about others artists experiencing pain from overworking and i always thought to myself, i wouldnt let that happen to me, im real young, i still have time before i have to worry about really damaging my body

but your body really doesnt care, if you push yourself, if you ignore the pain, its going to fuck you up. maybe for the rest of your life please god take care of yourself when you draw, write, game, literally anything. stretch your wrists, fingers, dont keep your elbow in a locked a position for too long, especially dont lean on your elbows. get up around every 45 minutes, drink water, eat food, use the bathroom, stretch your whole body and your hands again. walk outside and let your eyes readjust your body is trying to communicate with you for a reason when you start hurting, please listen to it, be kind to yourself, you deserve it

#source firsthand as im the idiot who drew for like 6 hours straight #like actually non fucking stop for even a second #until the pain got so bad my hand felt like it was fucking scalding #and i kept going anyway until i physically could not put any more lines down on the page #almost everyday since then my arm and hand has ached and felt weird and i literally cant do anything i used to before i did this to myself #i cant play games i cant write #i cant even use my mouse with my right hand for casual scrolling #please take care of yourselves

[rat-sweat]

from when the s3 trailer dropped

#mp100 #reigen arataka #art tag #the trailer wasnt the only thing that dropped #im down so bad for this fucking pathetic man

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Please let Astarion meet Tav's family and have a younger sibling like 6 be like im gonna marry the prince points at Astarion.

Tav : Sorry, im married to the prince

NO IM GONNA MARRY THE PRINCE

That's so fucking cute kill me. But I just realized AFTER I finished it I read this wrong 😭😭 I read it as "marry" instead of "married" so whoops now it's an asking for your hand in marriage fic.

Also, I'm going to make this a weird little, unofficial, alternate reality, off shoot of this fic to explain away why Astarion can be in the sun without ascending because I am ~lazy~

Quick summary if you didn't read it, Tav serves Selune, gets a blessing for all the good work, and uses it to cure the anti-light issue of the vampirism (but not all of it). It's not a literal extension of that fic but I'm stealing my own plot explanations. That's it! Now here we go:

~

Astarion wasn't nervous per se. He was just... on edge. And the two-week journey it took to get here wasn't helping things, not when it gave him so much time to ruminate in his thoughts. He never expected to be in the position of "meeting the family," let alone in anticipation for asking for someone's hand in marriage.

Astarion wasn't even quite sure how his life got here. He had always fantasized that a life without Cazador would be one of selfish hedonism, not one where he would be legitimately concerned about a damn six year old sibling's first impression of him.

But then you came along, effortlessly shattering all of his grandiose plans with a batt of your eyelashes. Perhaps the entire journey of falling in love was more complicated, but it felt like it was that simple. In hindsight, he never stood a chance against you, but it was hilarious that there was a time he ever thought he did.

All of his prior dreams and fantasies felt like nothing in comparison to just being with you. It had been a year since you both saved the Sword Coast, a beautiful, fantastic year. That had ended with him somehow more in love with you now than when he first confessed. Selune's blessing had certainly helped with that he was sure. He still couldn't quite believe that you would use a god's blessing on him of all people, but gods, was he appreciative. Because being able to walk in the sun again meant that he could live the life he wanted, with no restrictions. He could be the partner you deserved, the kind that a father would happily say yes to when asking for your hand.

Which brought him back to his current dilemma. Perhaps he hadn't seen any of your family members in the time you'd been together, but he had heard plenty. You loved them all to death, especially your little sister. You wrote to them constantly, the mere sight of a letter from your parents enough to put you in a great mood for the rest of the day. He was aware that your mother was supposedly a saint, a fact that your own father had instilled in you often. He knew that they had a wonderful, loving marriage and were both higher ups in the Church of Selune. A fact that Astarion didn't particularly enjoy.

As grateful to the moon goddess as he was, he was aware that you were an expectation to the very normal belief that vampires were bad. And that marrying one was one of the stupidest things you could ever do from an average person's perspective, let alone a Selunite.

Why you hadn't done the smart thing and lied about what he was, Astarion would never know. But he did know that the thought of their rejection over his admittedly sordid history was putting him in a tailspin.

"They're going to love you," You said for the hundredth time, giving his hand a squeeze as you led him up the steps to your childhood home, "You have nothing to worry about sweetheart. I promise."

Astarion highly doubted that, but you were already knocking on the front door before he had a chance to argue. The door instantly slammed open, a beaming child already launching themselves at you before Astarion could process what was happening.

But you were more prepared them he was. You effortlessly caught them in your arms, laughing at their excited shouting, "Titi! You're late!"

So this was the famous Arabeth.

"No, I'm not!" You laughed as you settled her on your hip, "And what happened to my little girl's manners huh? You haven't even introduced yourself yet."

The child glanced over at him, like she was just realizing for the first time that someone else was standing over there. She looked a little shocked at the sight of him, staring at him with wide eyes. Wide enough for Astarion to start to wonder if something was on his face.

He gave her a little wave only for her to bury her face into your shoulder, peeking out at him with her lips pursed. Which was not the best start to the whole making his darling's family actually like him plan.

"Well, as you've probably guessed this is Arabeth. She's just a little shy," You reassured as you stepped inside, muttering a quick invitation inside under your breath. He appreciated that, he didn't need the whole house to be reminded of his... limitations.

"But she'll get over it soon enough," You continued as you called into the house, "Mom? Dad? We're here!"

And just like that they were rushing into the room, acting just as excited as your sister had been. Your mother wasted no time in smothering your face with kisses while your father swept you up into a hug. It was a rather impressive display of coordination, considering how they hadn't managed to knock you and your sister to the floor in the process. Astarion was pretty sure they were both saying something along the lines of We missed you! But it was hard to tell with all of you so tangled up in each other.

It was heartwarming to see, in all honestly. Of course such a loving person would come from an equally loving family, what else would he expect?

Though he certainly hadn't been expecting for your mother to throw her arms around him next. She brought him into a tight hug before looking him up and down, "So you're Astarion huh?"

She turned back to you, grinning ear to ear with her hands set on Astarion's shoulders, "He's so handsome! Selune help us, do you remember the last boy you brought home? He had a nose the length of my arm-"

"And that's enough of that," You said with a strained laugh, pulling your eccentric mother back a few inches, "And we've talked about the impromptu hugs. What happened to asking for permission?"

"Sorry, sorry!" She said with a wave of her hand, "Let me try again. I'm Seliras, and this is my husband-"

"Marcoul," Your father interrupted, putting his hand out for Astarion to shake, "It's been awhile since we've met a boyfriend."

"He's a little more than that," You said with a sigh as everyone exchanged pleasantries.

"We'll be the judge of that," Marcoul said with a sharp but friendly grin, the grip he had on Astarion's hand briefly tightening before he let go, "From what we've heard, you're quite the character aren't you?"

Ah, so the interrogating was starting early then. It was nothing that Astarion hadn't expected. Besides, turning up the charm was his strong suit, even when he was uncharacteristically nervous.

Astarion smiled back at him, "You've heard right. And I'm more than happy to answer any questions you might have."

"Oh gods please don't say that," You groaned, but it was too late. Your parents were already leading him to sit, rapid-fire questions coming out of their mouth.

Where are you from? How did you meet? Are you serious about our Tav? What's your religion? Where's your family? What are your plans?

But Astarion answered them all, with only mild censorship for the child's sake. The child who suddenly couldn't stop staring at him. It wasn't exactly easy to sell himself as a future husband when he was a vampiric ex-slave, but he made do.

It was an overwhelming experience to say the least, but not necessarily an unpleasant one. That was one good thing about trying to marry into a family of zealots, it was a lot easier to convince them of your virtue when you received a personal blessing from their goddess.

By the end of the night, they were all throughly appeased, enough so to get off the topic of him for a moment.

"You look a little young to have a thirty-year old child," Astarion said to your mother. He was actively trying to compliment her for obvious reasons, but he was also genuinely curious. She barely looked a day over 40.

"Oh we breed young," She said with a laugh, "We had Tav in our teenage years. Arabeth came much, much later. Our favorite little surprise. Gods, I can't think of a single person in our family who didn't have kids young. Our little Tav is the only exception to the rule."

"But maybe not for much longer, huh?" Marcoul added with a grin, yelping when you lightly smacked him over the head for the comment.

"Do not start the kid talk again!" You hissed out, cheeks red, "We've talked about this!"

Astarion couldn't help but grin at your reaction, charmed by your embarrassment. Though... the idea of the two of you having children together sure was an interesting thought.

Astarion felt a tug on his sleeve while you were distracted arguing with your parents. He turned, smiling when he saw your little sister standing there, still staring at him with wide-eyes.

She took a deep breath before blurting out, "You look like a prince. Are you?"

"Not exactly," Astarion said with a small laugh. That couldn't be further from the truth, "There's no blue blood in my veins."

She frowned, cocking her head at him like he wasn't making any sense. But then an idea obviously struck her as she excitedly asked, "But if you married a princess, then you'd become a prince too. Right?"

"I suppose?" Astarion answered with a shrug.

"So if I become a princess, and I marry you, then you'll be a prince?"

This conversation was quickly becoming out of his depth. But luckily enough for him you were swooping in to save him.

You laughed at her question, turning your attention back to the two of them, "No offense Bethy, but I'm going to be the one marrying this particular prince."

But Arabeth wasn't having it. She crossed her arms, looking at you like she was the one talking to a child, "You can't. Because if I don't marry him, he won't be a prince. So there. I have to do it."

She looked so serious, her facial expressions incredibly similar to your own. Astarion was holding back a loud laugh as you tried and failed to reason with her, "I can marry him without the royal status-"

"No! I'm marrying the prince!"

Your parents were doing a much worse job at hiding their reactions, both of them opening giggling behind their hands as you came up with a compromise.

"Okay, okay," You said with a sigh, kneeling down to look the small girl in the eye, "How about this? I marry him first. But only until you become a princess. Then he's all yours. Sound fair?"

She thought about it for a moment before nodding to herself, "Sounds fair."

Well Astarion wasn't going to get a better set-up then that. He turned to your father, his nerves coming back for a brief appearance, "I'm assuming now might be a good time to ask what I came here to ask. Though I do promise I only intending on asking for one of your children's hand in marriage."

Marcoul nodded slowly, his face unreadable as he spoke, "I mean no offense when I say this Astarion, but you aren't exactly who I imagined for my daughter."

"Dad don't-"

"Darling, let him finish," Astarion gently interrupted, his eyes still locked with your father's.

He took a deep breathe before continuing, "That said, I've never seen her so... herself with someone else before. So yes. The two of you can marry. On one condition."

"Anything," Astarion said instantly, nearly giddy at the fact that he was so close to the official yes, "Just name it."

"You have to have the wedding here," Seliras answered for him, a massive smile on her face, "No ifs, ands, or buts."

"And I get to be flower girl!" Arabeth chimed in, her past indignation completely forgotten as she climbed all over you, "And there has to be chocolate cake!"

"Oh gods, help us," You groaned, but Astarion was already nodding along. He couldn't give less than two shits where it happened or who was involved. He could scarcely believe that it was happening at all. But that was the last thing he had needed.

He already had the ring, the most amazing person he could ever fathom being with. Who actually wanted him back.

Now all he had to do was ask.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #ascended astarion #astarion ancunin #im getting a little meta with these story lines y'all #this mother is half based off my own lol #i was thinking oh gosh am i making him ooc with all of this fluff? #reload my astarion romance save and remember no #the boy really does get down that bad #I literally got the thing in the game where he shits on you SO hard with that prince line so this is cathartic #i have like a fucking marriage/wedding/proposal kink or something man #I hate the reality of it honestly #all of it #but the fantasy has me in it's jaws #chomp chomp #seven more to go! #this one was a little out of my element but like i guess thats the point of the exercise of asks #right?

[devils-bite]

i relate to orin because i too sometimes want to bash my sister’s head in for her questionable choices in men :)

#you cant tell me her main motivation for the attack wasn’t because durge was fucking gortash #i mean she literally bitches about how down bad her sibling is trash man #im an avid durgetash enjoyer and orin is their number hater because i say so #and no woman ever likes her sisters boyf bc i say so #it was very younger sister of her to team up with Dad in order to get rid of her older sisters new boyf #durgetash #bg3 durge #gortash x durge #durge #durge tav #durge oc #astarion x durge #durgestarion #dark urge #gortash #enver gortash #lord enver gortash #gortash x dark urge #orin #orin the red #orin bg3 #bg3

[valeffelees]

some quick snowbaz sketches for the soul :)

and also this lmfao

#been trying some new things lately #usually i do baz's hair up in a front middle part #bc ive always found it kinda fun and cartoony looking #but it was making his face look really fucking weird here so i tried drawing it down and back #+ parted to the side of his widow's peak instead #and i think i like it a lot better this way #ive also been trying to add more texture to his and simon's hair #to help make things a bit easier when im colouring #and i feel really fuckin good about how that turned out #like i have such a hard time drawing simon's fringe but i really like how it looks here #im also trying to overcome my fear of eyelashes lmfao #(and my general lack of confidence with drawing characters touching/interacting) #so yeah lots of fun new things happening here at the ''god i want to get better at art so bad'' club #n e way -> #carry on #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #sketchbook apocalypse

[thebrainrotsreal]

EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK!!! I want to be coherent about this season but please picture me foaming at the mouth and running on the walls. S2 being what if Mark's just like his Dad? Insanity. I love this show. Anyways, AU where an Evil!Mark tries to make Our!Mark worse, and Our!Mark tries to make the other better. Something something confronting your idea of the worst version of oneself. Plus, tweaked black and yellow costume because I saw it and immediately went murder hornet lookin' ass and knew I had to draw it. Evil ass Mark. Horrible. I think he should be dragged kicking and screaming into redemption.

#mark and the fact he is fighting for this fucking life to avoid the Many Bad Endings???? im pacing. getting out the red string. #when the season is about who you are and what you could become. when trying to be good is an active choice and a struggle. #RAHHHHHHHHHHH #chewing on the bars of my enclosure...when every mark is evil OUR mark is the outlier. the exception. the OTHER. RAHHHH #dog poetry being mark poetry because how often can you kick a dog before it starts snarling before you raise your hand? #how often can you beat it before it rips into you without mercy? when it bites not at your hand but at your neck? #when does violence for survival and violence for vengeance start and end? when your opponent is down and you keep drawing blood? #circling and pacing and losing my mind over this btw if you care #anyways self vs self gets me going crazy. did you know i loved the end of atsv? because it shows. #i think o!mark would lose his fucking mind at what evil wasp looking mark has done + this mf wasp would LOATHE mark's kindness #they both see the other as the WORST version of themselves and they can't stand it. They can't shatter the mirror but they think they can-- #--change the reflection. #evil mark seeing mark and seeing what he USED to be #mark seeing what he COULD be #CAN U SEE THE VISION?????? #digital art #invincible rotating in my mind #invincible fanart #fanart #mark my beloved #mark grayson fanart #mark grayson #invincible s2 #invincible show #mark like hello this is my secret twin and he is NOTHING like me hahahaha anyways wanna debate about having mORALS and LIFE #mark grayson vs the urge not to accept every responsibility as his own #he's batman coded that way #ok im done yapping #if this happened in the comics in any way shape or form dont tell me JACK SHIT or i will PUMMEL YOU with my SHOES

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

im so Normal. totally not shaking and crying rn

#its nice to be this excited about something again! to the point of nausea! #and i Mean That #this is the good kinda stress. tis a welcome break from the usual brands #all week i've been having moments of 'ohhhh god New Information Incoming' and i have to sit down every time #and measure my breathing to chill tf out #is this unhealthy! maybe! i am trying to keep it Contained!! tightly leashed if you will #BUT OH FUCK ITS ALMOST HERE AGH AGH AGH #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #i will probably be unable to discover secrets bc i am bad with computers and the like #but hey! ill try! #if there's like... a spoiler tag yall want from me ill make sure to tag any Update Posts with it #then again wh is a unique scenario of like... Are there spoilers #bc it feels like a 'a couple people uncover stuff and then show/tell the rest' thing #but what would i know! this is kinda the first update! #LETS GO GAMERS I HOPE THE NEW STUFF IS TRAUMATIZING FOR BOTH US AND THE CHARACTERS #alright im getting to excited again im gonna go lay down #gonna be refreshing pages every ten seconds even when its completely illogical and meaningless to do so