#GIMME A MOMENT I NEED TO FUCKING COMPOSE MYSELF AFTER THAT
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HEY ONE QUESTION WHAT THE FUCK (EXTREMELY FUCKING AFFECTIONATE)
#I AM NOT OKAY BUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE#BUGS I LOVE YOU BUT MY FUCKING GOD#GIMME A MOMENT I NEED TO FUCKING COMPOSE MYSELF AFTER THAT#WHAT THE FUCK#night is an absolute mess on main#SURE IS FUCKING HELL
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Will Miller: Sex in Publix
A/N: FINALLY writing for Will Fucking “Ironhead” Miller from Triple Frontier!!! So excited, my dears!! Here’s some smut about you helping Will recover from his violent cereal aisle incident at Publix... which results in you two having shameless public sex.
Pairing: Will “Ironhead” Miller x F!Reader
Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, reference to traumatic experience, sex in public (obvs)
Inspiration: WILL’S SPEECH from the opening scene of the movie. Serious big dick energy 🥵
Word Count: ~2.5k
** THE SPEECH **
Quoted from Triple Frontier’s opening scene
Parts that are referenced in this fic are in bold below. (You seriously need to watch it, though...)
About five years ago, when I was on leave... I found myself standing in the middle of the cereal aisle at the Publix... with my arm around some guy's throat. I was squeezing so hard he pissed himself.
My fiancée at the time had to climb on my back just so I didn’t actually kill the guy.
Do you know why I was doing this? Because he hadn’t moved his cart when I asked.
I was the best of the best, able to shut down, control, manipulate... all basic human instincts towards one goal: the completion of my mission. But the effects of committing extreme violence on other human beings are biological and physiological. That’s the price of being a warrior.
Fic begins after ‘Keep reading’ ...
***************
A/N: Why yes, I just inserted the same gif again, so that you have the image right above, for purposes of the description of this mouthwatering motherfucker doing his GODDAMN CHEWING GUM LOWER LIP TONGUE THING in the third paragraph 😛
“We shouldn’t even be here...”
“Will, you say that every time,” you remind your fiancé as he strolls your cart through the aisles at Publix, slowly approaching Aisle 6. You can feel him tense up now as you’re drawing near. “It’s like I told you, babe—the best way to work through your shit is to come and revisit the scene of the crime.”
“Crime?” he rolls his tongue around the piece of gum he’s chewing, lets it slide along the inside of his full pink lower lip. He knows just what he’s doing: making it bulge in a way that looks fucking delicious. That action in itself is a crime calling for arrest. “You know the guy didn’t press charges.”
“That’s because you threatened to kill him if he did. Besides, the poor bastard had just pissed all over the floor; I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going wild to include that kind of detail if he filed a police report.”
He shrugs that off with a half-laugh. Tries to ignore how he had choked a total stranger with such brutal force... simply because he hadn’t moved his cart when Will had asked. “The fact stands that I’m criminally innocent.”
“Of course. The perfect model citizen,” you can’t help but indulge him in a playful little compliment. “With model good looks, too.”
Will rolls his eyes, those eyes you constantly effuse are the most gorgeous shade of blue. He never seems to think it’s true. “Butter me up, why don’t you.”
“Like I always do.”
He cracks a smile, which quickly vanishes as you reach Aisle 6. “Speaking of which, didn’t we just finish the butter in the fridge? I’ll go and grab some; maybe you can get the cereal, then meet me in the dairy aisle...”
“Nice try, big guy—not happening. Come on,” you urge, taking a soft yet firm hold of his muscular upper arm. “What, are you scared of Cap’n Crunch or something? Man up, Captain. Don’t be a pussy ass bitch.”
“Cap’n Crunch is creepy as shit. Freaked me out as a kid,” he says with an exaggerated cringe. “But seriously, babe—you know that going back there makes me... twitch.”
“And I’ll be there to hold your hand, and talk you through it, like I always am,” you reassure him. “Will, it’s gotten better every time we visit. We’ve made real progress; it’s a process, and to be honest, I think it’s almost finished.”
He bites that luscious lip of his. “What if it isn’t.”
“Then we’ll keep trying till it is, okay? You have to trust me. Either way, we’ll hurry home, soon as we’re done... so you can fuck me.”
His eyes light up at that, just as you knew they would, and he pushes the cart straight ahead. Not afraid to admit he’s been played. “Damn does my girl know how to control and manipulate...”
“I learned from the best of the best, as they say. My big strong ironhead fiancé.”
As it turns out today, the sex will happen long before you leave the store. Neither of you will be able to wait.
***************
“So. How you feeling?” you ask him, standing by his side in the spot where it happened. As he stands still and stares, you reach up to comb your fingers through the soft golden spikes of his hair, hoping that the tender loving touch will help his healing.
Will chews his gum a little harder, with a firm clench of his jaw. Blue eyes a little darker. And good God—you shouldn’t be having these thoughts, but fuck, the smoldering look on his face right now is just about the hottest thing you ever saw...
You can see the scenes replay inside his mind. Not just the incident itself, choking a random guy in Publix half to death, squeezing so hard the bastard lost his breath and pissed himself—but more importantly, the underlying cause. Years of trauma, molding Will into a man that he himself feared and despised. So many years spent searching for the kind of peace he always craved but thought he’d never find.
He tells you often how he found it in your arms; though you’re a sucker for his charms, you always brush the line aside. That shit’s just corny. And besides, he only says it when he’s horny... which is all the fucking time.
One of the many things that you two have in common. Ever since Will Miller claimed you as his woman, the two of you have been getting it on so fucking often that it’s probably a crime.
You try to stop your mind from wandering in that direction. Will needs to process heavy shit right now and you’re supposed to help him. Shouldn’t get distracted by your own lady erection, as you silently admire him in all his alpha male perfection... mind burning with questions—like, but how the hell can it even be possible to be so fucking beautiful...?
His hands aren’t twitching in the way that often happens when he’s here, but still, he’s awfully tense and quieter than usual. Maybe it’s time to head out of the cereal aisle; return some other time, after a little while. You hold him close to whisper in his ear, stroking his arm with a warmhearted smile. “Listen, babe—if you don’t want to talk... then let’s go home and crack open some beer, or a bottle of wine... I’ll suck your cock, and everything will be just fine. I’m proud of you for coming here today. Now let’s get out of here so you can come someplace better, okay?”
Now at that, Will at last has a few words to say. He snaps out of his self-hating haze and attacks you just with the sheer power of his deep blue gaze. “Mmm, you mean like deep inside my filthy little whore of a fiancée?”
You feign offense, reacting with a gasp, dealing his upper arm a playful little slap. “Captain Miller! What gives you the right to talk to me like that—in public, no less? Show some damn respect.”
He answers with a flirty, dirty laugh. “Respect my ass.”
“I do, and you know that. It’s perfect,” you remind him as you reach around to grab it through his pants, loving the way the sculpted muscle tenses up beneath your hands. “And I respect it even better when it’s naked, so let’s get—”
“Gimme a minute,” he interrupts you with a kiss on the top of your head. “You know, before you started talking all that frisky business... I was just about to tell you that I think we’re finally finished. Babe, you did it.”
You pause, dropping your jaw—does he mean what you think he does? Now that the tone is back to serious, you free his fine ass from the grasp of your horny claws. “...did it?”
Will smiles and nods. “I know my stubborn ass kept resisting these visits. But you were right, babe. Like always. I think I’ve finally gotten past this shit. I mean—not all my shit; that’s a serious beast. But the whole Publix incident, at least. I just... today I finally felt released. At peace with it.”
There are no words to capture how giddy you feel. You wrap your arms around his neck with an excited squeal, heartbeat happily racing. “Babe, that’s amazing! We did it. I may be the one with all the brilliant ideas, but you were smart enough to listen.”
He lets out a soft giggle, hugging you so hard it tickles. “I still say you get all the credit. Manipulating me with all those promises of sex the way you did. Straight up forcing me into submission.”
“Oh, don’t put it that way. Now let’s not forget who’s the dom in the bedroom. Promise you’ll always play Captain, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckles. “Whatever you say.”
The one thing on your mind as you snuggle into his embrace is this man smells like actual heaven... hot damn. You pull back from the hug, desperate to get home and get fucked. But there’s still one more thing to get out of the way.
You make some effort to compose yourself before what’s coming next. “Oh, and before we go—there’s something else I wanted you to know. Now that your issue’s been addressed... well, I also have something to confess.”
After those words, you pause for longer than you should. Which isn’t good.
“Go on?” Will holds your hand and gives you an encouraging, heartwarming nod.
Ugh, he’s so cute when he’s all soft and full of love. Despite being so big and tough. All at once a sugar baby muffin and a savage fucking sex god.
You clear your throat, collecting your slightly embarrassing thoughts. “So, when the whole... incident happened, in the moments just before I climbed onto your back, to pull you off of that poor man, I was just—watching you attack... and... well, at first I didn’t even know how to react, because... uhhh...”
Those blue eyes of his blink, and you can barely even think. Apparently you have a goddamn golden eyelash kink?
Will tries to urge you to continue; though it’s clear he’s quite sincere, he’s also more than just a little bit amused. He always loves to see you bumbling like a fool and acting totally uncool. He says it’s super cute. “Because what?”
You re-clear your throat, though it’s all clear already. Try to stay somewhat calm and steady. Keep your hormones in control. You are in public after all; people can see you even if they’re out of earshot. “I don’t know, it’s just—watching you do that was... I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was fucked up, and yes I knew it had to stop—but it was also... you know... super fucking hot?”
He blinks again, brows arching up a bit. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Y/N, I... I was out of my damn mind. Completely out of line. Like, deadly dangerous.”
“Oh, you think I didn’t notice?”
“No, I know you did...”
Fucking hell. You pull your hand from his and turn toward the shelves, grabbing a random box of cereal to occupy yourself. “Now you’re kink-shaming me. Never done that before, but now the truth comes out that I’m a sick and twisted whore—”
“What? Y/N, come on,” he groans, wrapping his arms around you from behind, the kind of big bear hug that always feels like home. “You know that isn’t how I meant it...”
“No, forget it. Just forget I ever said it.”
“Can’t really do that, to be honest. Babe, I’m into all your kinks, I promise. I just need a sec to process this.”
“Seriously—Will, this whole cereal aisle shouldn’t be about me. Even just mentioning it like I did was selfish. So forget it.”
“I’m not gonna just...”
“Hey, I have an idea,” you interrupt, eager to change the subject, as you now notice that you’d just happened to pick a box of Cap’n Crunch. With the creepy cartoon captain’s face emblazoned on the front. “What if you need a final outlet? Just to let off any steam that might be lingering, to make sure that you’ve really gotten over the whole cereal aisle incident?”
Will purrs as he leans closer into your shoulder. You stupidly assume he’s also looking at the cereal box you’re holding, but he isn’t. “Hmmm, you thinking what I’m thinking...?”
As it happens, you’re totally oblivious to what he just implied, since you’re still trying to recover from embarrassment. You step off to the side, pulling away from his embrace so that you’re standing face to face. And hold the box in front of you like it’s a martial arts board made for him to break. “Here, if you need something to punch... why don’t you let it out on Cap’n Crunch.”
He blinks, again, apparently a little stunned. You’re too oblivious to even notice that he has a hard on.
You gesture toward the crunchy cap’n. “Go on. Clock him one.”
Will shifts uncomfortably in an attempt to hide the stiffness of his cock. “Punch a cereal box? Babe, this is fucking ridiculous...”
“This creepy bastard haunted you throughout your childhood,” you remind him. “Come on, do it, Will. Show him who’s captain. You know it’ll feel good.”
He tosses a quick glance behind him to make sure that no one’s around to witness. “Can’t believe I’m gonna do this, but if you insist...”
Balling his right hand up into a fist, he fucking launches it at the cartoon son of a bitch. You know he didn’t go full force—the blow would’ve thrust you and Cap’n both across the room, of course—but he went hard enough to cause the cardboard box serious damage.
Will looks down at the damage he caused to his childhood nemesis, more pleased with it than he’d like to admit. “Well, shit.”
You flash him a triumphant grin, glad for the win. “Felt great, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did,” he laughs at himself with a shake of his head. “But the box is all busted.”
“Well, we are model citizens, so we’re obviously going to take responsibility and pay for this,” you tell him. “And William—don’t even think about bitching that Cap’n Crunch isn’t a worthwhile purchase. The catharsis that he just provided was worth it.”
Your fiancé is fully in agreement with that sentiment. “Sounds perfect.”
Moving toward your shopping cart, you pause before throwing the box in, stopping to salute the captain with one hand over your heart. “We thank you, Cap’n, for your service.”
Will lets out one of his loud, loving laughs and hugs you from the back again. “My God, you’re such a fucking dork...”
You shrug, melting into the hug. “Well, my dorky ass just singlehandedly took care of your entire healing process. So don’t knock it if it worked.”
“Oh, I wasn’t gonna knock it,” Will replies, suddenly spinning you around with your back up against the shelves, so you can see and feel the feral fire in his eyes. You practically just wet yourself. Even more so upon the words he utters next. “I was just thinking that I really wanna fuck it.”
Holy hell. This man is living breathing sex. Your words come out all jumbled up and shit. “What—how... you mean right now? In public?”
Will grinds his hips into your crotch so you can finally feel the stiffness of his dick. God, it’s so big. His every word and action never fail to make your pussy twitch. “Hmm, what is that I’m hearing... judgment? Are you kink-shaming me, bitch?”
Hot damn, you love how playfully sadistic your fiancé is. “No, I wouldn’t fucking dream of it. I love it,” you respond, succumbing to the force of his cock and the heat of your cunt. For good measure before you both give yourselves over to such guilty pleasure, to everything both of you want, you glance nervously up and down Aisle 6.
All is clear at the moment. And if that unexpectedly changes... you know there’s a risk, the constant threat of danger of onlooking strangers... well, fuck it. You and Will won’t let that stop you from indulging in some shameless sex in Publix.
***************
... Continued in Part 2!
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Family Pride or Clan Trevor
Quick Tag List: @kuruumiya @spacelizardtrashboys @stupidbluegirl @enigmaticandunstable @nattinngrst
This Passage Contains Potentially: swearing, violence, blood, angst, whump, fluff and very smutty content.
Summary: Rod and Kirby talk more about what a potential future together might look like and Rod meets the rest of the Trevor Clan.
Kirby's POV:
The rest of the day was quiet, too quiet, almost as if Roddy was planning something for the get-together tomorrow. The morning of the Twenty-Ninth was quiet still, then we had to leave to go to the get together, we got in my dad's Vauxhall Firenza and I zoned out until we reached the community centre and parked in the overflow parking lot.
I spotted two of my cousins walking over, the identical twins, Mona and Meredith, with their husbands and kids not to far behind them.
"Su’mae"
"Su’mae" They repeated, in unison.
My skin crawled as I recalled all the times over the years that the twins had spooked me.
"Beth ydy eich enw chi?" Mona attempted to ask Roddy.
"Mon, he doesn't speak Welsh, this is Roddy. Rod, this is Mona and Meredith."
"Hi Ladies, I'm Rod, Kirby's boyfriend."
"Cariad?" Meredith looked up at me, my face unmasked showing flushed cheeks, "Cawsoch chi'ch hun yn gariad?"
"Aye."
"Llongyfarchiadau!"
"Thank you, Meredith, How're the kids?"
"Oh, They're fine."
"You speak English?" Rod asked, incredulous.
"Of course we do." The twins answered in unison.
Rod shot me a concerned look, I gave him a knowing but still somewhat scared look in return.
We walked into the centre and I immediately saw the 'welcome home' banner and I couldn't stop the rush of emotions and Rod noticed the change in me, seeing the softer and much more hidden side of me, the part of me that never wanted to leave my homeland for the USA. I rushed outside, sitting on the bench next to the door, Roddy following quickly behind me.
"Woah, woah. Are ya alright, baby?"
"I'm fine, just a little light-headed is all."
"Don't you go lying ta me."
"I'm just a little emotional, Rod, it's been a while since I was here and I haven't seen half of my family for much longer than that."
My cousins Pat and Rod came up to the bench.
"Hey Kirby, new fella."
"Hey Patrick, Roderick. Uhh, boys, this is my boyfriend, Roddy. Roddy, my cousins, Patrick and Roderick."
"So," Pat started, "When's the wedding?"
"What are ya talkin' about," Rod (My cousin, Roderick) added, "There's got to be an engagement party before a weddin, Paddy."
"I know Roddy, but then there's also the Hen and Stag Do's, too."
"So, How long you two been dating?"
"Not long enough for you two to be making those jokes." I chided
"Okay, we'll leave you two to your business."
They scarpered off quite quickly after that, leaving me and Roddy (Piper) alone for a while.
"Those two are weird."
"Rod, they're family, of course they're weird."
"They raise a fair point though."
"What do you mean?!" I shot him a confused look
"Well, when would our wedding be?"
"That depends."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, knowing your 'appetite' it depends on if you y'know put me 'up the duff' so to speak, before or after the end of the year."
"Well, if I get you 'knocked up' before the end of the year, you'd marry me at the start f next year?"
"Exactly."
"What if I get you 'knocked up' before the end of next month?" he teased
"Roddy, don't tease me, boyo."
"Oh come on, we'll sneak back to ya Da's Firenza, get in the back, shack up and-"
I covered Rod's mouth with my hand, "Don't be a fuckwit, Roderick," I let him speak again.
"I'm not being a 'fuckwit', I'm suggesting," he placed his hand on my thigh, close to my knee, slowly moving his hand closer to my groin, "We go, shack up, fly back before the second of Feb, if I get you pregnant, then we'll get married sooner rather than later, if I don't then we'll try again."
"Rod, I'm twenty-nine."
"So am I, until April seventeenth. Why? When are you suggesting I get ya 'Knocked up'?"
"I dunno, when I'm thirty, or in my thirties. Not now."
"So, next year. I think I can wait until then," He then whispered something to himself that I could barely hear, "If I don't get blue balls and die."
"Roddy!"
"Ya heard that, didn't ya."
"Rod, I, you, ugh."
"C'mere baby." He pulled me closer, one hand on my thigh and the other cupping my cheek, giving me a quick kiss on the lips, "I love ya baby, I would wait an eternity to have a family with you," He pulled me back into a longer and more passionate kiss, pulling away when we both needed to breathe.
"I love you, Piper."
"Do you want me to marry ya, before we have kids?"
"Preferably, I don't want you to leave me."
"I'd never leave ya, never, not me."
"Yeah, like you're Prince fucking Arthur."
"That would make you my Guinevere."
"I'm nothing like Guinevere."
The rest of the evening was quite quiet, a family meal at a local restaurant, resulting in a drunken Roddy and me getting somewhat tipsy. Safe to say, my Da did not enjoy driving us back to the house. But I had sobered up somewhat by the time we were in bed for the night, Rod not so much.
"Oh, baby, let me make love to ya."
"Rod, shush."
"But we could be havin' so much fun."
"Roddy, get some rest or you'll hate yourself in the morning."
"But I just wanna kiss ya, and hug ya, and stuff ya pretty little maw wit ma co-"
"Roderick. Shut up."
"Fine, fine. I'll get some sleep, ya bi-"
I pulled him into a rough and passionate kiss, slipping my tongue into his mouth before pulling away and shifting positions to straddle his lap.
"ya big sexy beast, c'mere."
He pulled me down into another rough but passionate kiss, using his free hand to grind my grin against his, making sure that I can feel the heat rising from his crotch, barely covered by his briefs, grinding against my own barely clothed frame. The bulge in his pants pressing into the curve of my groin, Rod letting out small grunts and groans, feeling his hand move from my ass to the front of my crotch before feeling him rub at my clit before he slipped his hand into my boxer shorts, rubbing at my clit before checking to see if I'm wet, letting out a satisfied grunt before pulling away from the kiss.
"Would you like me to get you off, Roddy?"
"How about, you give me my release and I give you yours."
"Sure, but we gotta keep this quiet."
Rod pulled me into another heated make out session.
When we woke up the following morning, limbs intertwined, Rod's body on top of mine.
"Morning, beautiful."
"Good Morning, my love."
"What day is it?"
"Monday. Thirtieth, January. Nineteen Eighty-Four."
"I gotta make some calls."
Rod tried to get up, not realising how intertwined our legs were, climbing out of the bed, pulling us both off the bed and landing on his back on the floor with a thud.
"Oh my God, Roddy, are you okay?"
"I'm alright baby, I'm ok, you?"
"I'm alright. I was scared that I hurt ya."
"Nah, you could never hurt me."
I got off of him, pulling him up afterwards and kissing him before he went off to make the calls he needed to. I did my morning routine, my Mam gave me a coffee and I set myself up in the gym half of the garage.
At least an hour passed before I saw Roddy again, I was drinking the final drops of my coffee when he rushed into the gym his concerned expression instantly turning into relief.
"Ya alright, handsome."
"I'm okay honey, I'm okay. Turns out we need to leave earlier than planned, as in before the fourth."
"Then we'll leave tomorrow, my parents will understand. My Da won't like us leaving so soon, so if I were you, I'd go build the familial bridge now so that he doesn't kill ya."
"Alright, I'll go do that. I love ya. Oh, you have a match on the Sixth against S.D Jones."
"Okay, I love you."
I spent another hour in the gym before Piper returned.
"Ya Da has said that he'll kill me if I hurt ya or break ya heart, however he knows that we need to go back to work eventually and trusts that you'll put me in my place."
"Sounds like my Da, hey Hot Rod."
"Hey baby," He got closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, "gimme some sugar."
"No, I'm covered in sweat," I tried to avoid him kissing my neck but failed, "alright, fine, fine. I give in."
He cupped my jaw with his left hand, pulling me down into the kiss, his eyebrows knitted together and my eyelids fluttered closed for a moment, letting Rod control the moment. The moment Rod pulled away I pressed my forehead to his.
"Do you wanna watch me work out?"
"You box, Rod?"
"Golden Gloves Champion. Black belt in Judo, too."
"Handsome and athletic, you are the whole package."
"Thanks for the compliment, but y'know, a strong man is only as strong as his partner."
"Do you mean me or Orndorff and Schultz?"
"You, ya dafty."
"Rod."
"Yes, Kirby?"
"Do you wanna leave tonight, red eye flight, get back before tomorrow morning?"
"Sure, if that's what ya wanna do, we'll go tonight."
"Rod."
"Yeah."
"I want … I would like," I took a second to compose myself," I would like to have a family with you."
He pulled away, locking eyes with me, his tone optimistic, "Really?"
"Absolutely," I wiped a tear away from my eye, "I want to marry you, I want to be a wife and a mother and I want to be with you."
"Do you want to live here, or in the States?"
"Well, America would mean we can work easier."
He let out a small chuckle, smirking up at me, "I love ya, I want to marry ya and be with ya through thick and thin, anything happens, I'll be by your side."
"Promise me, you won't fight with Damien any more."
"I promise you I won't. Promise me, you'll let me tell people about us."
"I promise you, you can tell whoever you want."
"Let's go make ourselves a new home, alright baby?"
"Yeah."
We packed our things and my Da drove us to the airport. I gave my parents a tearful goodbye and we got the next flight back to New Jersey, checking into a hotel in Edison and I left Piper for half an hour to pick up the D200, collecting my paperwork from a nearby DMV centre and going back to the hotel. Rod opened the door, letting me in and slumping on the double bed next to me.
"Hey beautiful."
"Hi Rod, help me with this, please." I gestured to the paperwork
"What is it?"
"Insurance stuff, getting you insured on the D200."
"Give it here, I'll deal with it."
"No Rod, I'm capable of filling it out, just help me with the details."
"Just, gimme the papers," He leaned over and kissed my neck, "let me handle it, baby."
"Not with the mood you're in."
"I can't help that you're sexy."
"Rod, stop thinking with ya dick for five minutes and help me."
"Alright, fine."
We were almost finished with the paperwork when there was a knocking at the door.
"Who is it?"
"Piper, let me in or I'm kicking this door down." The muffled voice threatened.
"Shit, that's Schultz."
"Holy shit, Piper. Are you fucking the female giant?"
That was not Schultz's voice. It sounded like Orndorff.
Piper groaned as he opened the door.
"I'm not fucking her right now, Paul."
"Hi Schultz, Orndorff. Rod get your ass back over here and help me with this."
"Pay me." Rod teased
"With what?" I jokingly responded
"With sex" Schultz and Orndorff said almost simultaneously, giving each other a knowing look.
"All three of you share a brain." I mumbled
Piper groaned, gesturing for me to give him the papers, I complied and he read through it, mumbling the words of the document to himself.
Schultz looked from me to Piper before nudging Orndorff's arm, "They look like they're already married, Paul. Piper's got himself a wife."
"I'm not his wife-"
"She's my girlfriend." Roddy interrupted
"I was gonna say that Roddy."
"I know baby, I know."
"Jeez Rod, get her pregnant or somethin' boy."
"David!" I chided
"I would, but she's got a fight on the sixth."
"Roddy!" Orndorff chastised
We spent the rest of the evening with the boys and eventually I fell asleep next to Roddy. I woke up the next morning with Roddy next to me.
"Morning Kirby."
"Good morning, Roderick, ya handsome fool."
"I love you too honey," Rod kissed my forehead, "I filed the paperwork for ya."
"Thank you. What's the time?"
"About, half ten in the morning. Do ya wanna go grab breakfast?"
"I'd thought you'd never ask."
END OF FAMILY PRIDE or CLAN TREVOR
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Revolving Doors -- Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader
Revolving Doors — Dean Winchester x daughter!reader
Description: At sixteen, (name) has finally found the father she had heard so much about, but never met. Finding him in a bar somewhere, (name) decides to confront him. The big question is, though: Will Dean even want her?
⚠Warning⚠: nothing really, some swearing and mentions of a dead family member
Genre: some angst, some fluff, some hurt/comfort
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Daughter!reader
A/N: I was maladaptive daydreaming and this popped up on the recommended page in my brain, so, here, have this trash. Also, your moms name is Melinda for some reason, I'm too lazy to go change it now. I might end up making this a series if y’all want me too. If you do, feel free to drop some suggestions for some sort of plot for this.
Words without A/N: 2369
Masterlist
<———————>
I could see him now from across the bar. Tannish hair ruffled in that intentionally messy look, a charming smile perpetually on his face as he spoke to the pretty bartender. He was the exact picture of what my mother had described.
I always thought I would be able to know who he was if I ever got to lay eyes on him, and now that I was, I knew I was right.
My hands trembled and my legs felt like jello as I approached where he sat, a two-seated table towards the back of the dimly lit bar, his back always to the wall, nursing a beer and watching the crowd with intense interest. I wonder if he'll recognise me as I have him? Not that there's really any way he should be able to; he doesn't even know I exist.
Before I can even take a breath to calm myself down, I'm standing in front of him, and gazing at him nervously, his eyes—a perfect mirror of my own—gazing up at me with a startled and curious expression. Words piled up in my throat, and suddenly the thought of talking to this man was much more terrifying of a thought than it had any right to be.
You're not backing out now, (name) you've waited your entire life for this moment.
Swallowing thickly, I clenched my eyes closed for a second before musturing up all the courage that I could, and forcing my voice to come through.
"You, uhm–" great first impression (name), good job "–are you Dean? D-Dean Winchester?"
His eyes widened slightly, and he took on a far more guarded expression.
"I might be, that depends on who you are."
My entire body flooded with TV static as a wave of anxiety came over me. I needed this to go right, I needed to make a good impression. If I failed...
"Can, u-uhm, can I take a seat?" I gestured lamely at the empty seat on the other side of the table from him. If I stood much longer, I feared I'd faint.
At his hesitant nod, I smiled uncomfortably and moved to sit down. Taking another second to compose myself, I opened my mouth to speak, only to be cut off by his demanding voice.
"Who are you?" It sounded less like a question, and far more like a threat.
Shaking the anxiety out of my head, I opened my mouth and forced my voice to function yet again.
"Sixteen, uh, sixteen years ago, you met a woman named Melinda (last name) in a bar a lot like this one, in (home town, state), do you-uhm-do you remember her?"
This is such a stupid idea, why am I doing this? He probably wants nothing to do with me, this is a terrible idea.
His confused expression answered the question easily enough.
"I- uh–" pulling the crumpled piece of photo paper from my pocket, I tried my best to flatten it out, and locked eyes with my mother for a fraction of a moment before pulling my eyes away and reaching across the table to hand it to him. "Her, d'you–do you recognise her?"
He looked at me questioningly beneath his brow before looking down to study the photo, his face scrunching up in concentration. After a second, he glanced back up at me, mouth quirked in a slight smirk, eyes glistening.
"Yeah, yeah I recognise her. Melinda, heh, yeah," he smiled fondly down at the photo cradled in his hands before locking eyes with me, "we spent a few wild nights together on my twenty-first, she was hot. That still doesn't answer my question, though. Who're you?"
Ew.
"My name is (Name) (Last name), and Melinda was my mother."
...
...
Complete silence. His eyes were wide as he stared at me with an unreadable expression.
"I-I'm, um, I turned sixteen years old a few days ago, and uh, I figured I'd try and find you." He still wasn't saying a word, and the more uncomfortable I got, the more I talked. "She talked about you a lot the last few months of her life, and, uh, I dunno, I just thought maybe I could f-find you, y'know... She, uh, she got a bad brain tumor, and uhm, she, uh, she—" I could feel myself starting to tear up slightly, so I looked away from him, and somehow managed to make eye contact with an extremely tall stranger with criminally pretty hair, who was looking worriedly over at us, and slowly walking in our direction.
"So...uhm...yeah..." he still hadn't responded, just continued to look at me with that unidentifiable expression, which actually started to concern me. "Are you okay?" I waved my hand in front of his face, and when he still had no response, I started to think maybe I'd given him a heart attack or something. Suddenly, the big man from earlier was there by Deans shoulder.
"Whats going on here?"
"I—" well, at least he was starting to say something.
"Dean?"
Growing more and more uncomfortable with the second, I finally came to my senses and realized what I had feared would be the truth all along.
He didn't want me.
Obviously he wouldn't. Why would he? I was just too childish to see it originally.
Bowing my head for a second to try and push back the tears, I smiled up at the two of them and stood from my chair.
"Al-alright, uhm... I-I'll leave you be, the-n," my voice cracked sharply.
Turning on my heel, I hurried towards the exit, the entire time feeling my father's eyes boring into the back of my skull.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"—and Melinda was my mother—" my head rang with the words. There's no way.
A kid. I had a kid. There's just no way.
I don't know how long I sat there and stared, but I could see the kid, my kid, growing uncomfortable in my silence. How was I supposed to handle this information? I thought I'd been over this with Ben and Lisa, I wasn't cut out to be a father! I'm not good enough for that, I'd just end up getting her killed.
My kid was talking again, but I couldn't focus enough to hear exactly what she was saying. Sixteen a few days ago? The last few months of her life—bad brain tumor—talked about you—and then her hand was in front of my face, trying to snap me out of it, and then there was a hand on my shoulder, and Sam's voice above my head.
I have a kid? I have a fucking kid, I—
And then she was leaving, looking at me with teary eyes, standing up, and leaving, and I wasn't stopping her. Why wasn't I stopping her?
"Dean!" Sam was right in front of my face now, shaking at my shoulder and looking at me with worried eyes.
I have a kid. I have a fucking kid.
"I have a kid. The–that– she's my–that...I have a kid!" I watched Sam's eyes widen and he quickly whipped his head towards where she had gone, and was no longer in sight.
The more I thought about it, the more believable it became. Her face was covered in minute freckles, and her eyes were the same shade as mine, bright enough that I could see them even in the darkened bar. Her hair was the same color as Melinda's, I realized, as I gazed down at the photo that still sat in my hands. Brain tumor, something about a brain tumor, and a few months before dying, and... and that means that the kids alone. I-I have a child, and her mom is dead, and she's alone. My-my kid's alone. (Name).
With energy I didn't realize I had, I bolted up from my seat, knocking it back against the wooden floor, clenched the picture in my hand, and took off towards the exit.
I refuse to be the same kind of dad as mine was, I don't want to leave her to take care of herself. I can't. But I don't know the first thing about taking care of kids—though she's obviously plenty capable of taking care of herself, if she traveled all the way from (Hometown) to here by herself just to find me. Oh, god, she had to travel all the way from (Hometown) to here by herself just to find me! And–what did she say? Just turned sixteen? God, you're already a shit parent and you haven't even gotten the chance to parent her, you're just gonna fuck her up more than she must already be, having a deadbeat dad like you.
"Wait!" I shouted into the cold air of the night as I burst my way through the bars front doors, though the green-eyed girl was nowhere to be seen. I could feel Sam right behind me as I took off at a jog, looking up and down the street in search of her. She couldn't have gotten that far, right?
Back to our left, down an alleyway beside the bar, we heard a commotion. Just some mumbled shouting and scuffling about in the trash, but it was loud enough to make an odd sort of anxiety sink its yellowing claws into my chest. Rushing closer, I came to realize that that anxiety had good reason.
A man, no larger than me, but definitely bigger than her, with his arm against her chest and a blade in his hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I threw myself through the doors as quickly as I could, I didn't want to be near him a second longer.
I knew from mom's description that he was a traveler, that he never stayed in one place for long, and that I shouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help but hurt from it. Fifteen years of wondering, fifteen years of begging mom to just give me one more detail, fifteen years of missing something I never had. I finally get to meet him, and what? I get my god damn heart broken. I get turned away like a stray dog.
Wiping the tears from my eyes in fury, I barely registered when I walked down the wrong alley. I do, however, take notice of the blade being shoved in my face and the cold concrete wall slamming into my back as I'm pushed against it.
"Gimme yer moneh," the man holding the knife slurred, his breath reeking of beef and alcohol.
It took me a good few seconds to understand what was going on.
"Gimme yer goddamn money, I said!" His arm shoved me harder into the wall, knife coming dangerously close to my throat.
"I-I-I-I don't have any, I swear! I'm sorry, I-I don't have any money," I tried to stall as I reached for the mace hidden in my jacket pocket.
"Yer lyin'! Jus' gimme yer—" before I can get ahold of the mace, he's cut off by someone's hand pulling him away from me. A hand that just so happened to be connected to the Dean Winchester. Ripping the drunk guy away from me, he moved to stand in between us, and immediately gave the guy a solid right hook to the jaw, knocking him out immediately (and rather anticlimactically). Kicking the discarded weapon away from the unconscious man, he turned to look at me, his eyes wide with what looked like concern.
His features softened as he looked at me, and he took a quick few steps forward, hand stretched out in front of him, before I jerked back away from him. Taking notice of my hesitance, he stopped moving all together, and a weather-worn look of pain flashed across his face.
"You're bleeding," he said simply, hand once again reaching out towards me, begging me to let him help.
Raising one hand, I drug it across my chin, collecting a palmful of blood and eliciting a hiss from my throat. The bastard cut me! This bitch!
"Listen, I..." he started, "We've got a place not too far from here, I can patch you up and we can try and talk things out, okay?" He spoke, looking almost...afraid? Ashamed?
"Why do you want to help me?" My voice was supposed to sound fiery and demanding, but instead it came out almost too quiet, and shaking with nerves, and sounded absolutely nothing like me.
His eyes widened, and he glanced over at the tall guy guy again, I assume his lover or friend.
"If you really...If you really are my ki-id, then I'm not about to let you walk around hurt like that."
I stared at him for a second, entire body still shaking with adrenaline and fear. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I'd read him wrong?
I could at least give him a chance, I thought to myself.
Hesitantly, I reached my hand out and grabbed a hold of his outstretched arm, causing a small smile to appear at the edges of his mouth.
He pulled me forward gently, and leaned back to get a good look at me, probably to see if the drunken bastard had hurt me anywhere else, before glancing back up to the cut along the side of my jaw. He reached out towards it again, this time much slower, and when I didn't pull away, he traced his thumb along the gash and winced slightly, the crows feet around his eyes deepening with concern.
"Sammy, go get Baby." His voice was quiet, matching the tone of the moment.
I turned to look at this "Sammy" just as he was beginning to turn sway, and we locked eyes for the second time that evening. Giving me a soft smile and a nod, his long body took off bad towards the bar.
"Here," Dean's voice pulled me back. In his hand, he held a handkerchief and put it up to the cut, which I winced away from on instinct. Taking the rag from his grip, I held it to my face myself, and gave him a shy smile before glancing away. I never had been exceptionally good at meeting new people, even if said new person happens to be my long lost father.
"So... I have a kid..."
#dean winchester#sam winchester#dean has a kid he doesn't know about#dad!dean#unkle!sam#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x nonbinary reader#dean winchester x child reader#sam winchester x child reader#dean x reader#supernatural#Revolving Doors
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read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???
y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.
and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda
needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻
BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌
with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭
oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires 🤧🙂
this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌
i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰
- 🍳
read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???
y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.
and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda
needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻
BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌
with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭
oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires 🤧🙂
this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌
i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰
- 🍳
y/n becomes a real baddie when she’s pissed off 😫
hmm y/n wasn’t really working hard for her dad’s attention, it was more like she felt so left out and unwanted (she feels unwanted wherever she goes) that she just decided to pack up and support them from afar bcos to her, she’s so alienated in her dad’s family that she felt like she had to work hard to earn a spot in their table. she knows she’s the outsider but she wants to feel like she can be part of them, that she is also a child deserving of love and care, but becos her stepmom focused more on her actual kids and her own dad was too busy with his new family now, it made y/n feel that she had to do something to be worthy of that.
that’s why most of the money she made working in tokyo was still wired to her family; she put her brothers in school and supported them, all because she hoped it would make them accept her more. now, things are different because she finally found her biological family, but even if valeria and co. still don’t want her, y/n is now more focusing on building something that’s truly hers that no one can take away. yes yes, she did become greedy, but more for power than of acceptance. she got to a point she doesn’t care as much vying for her parents’ approval and now thinks her luxury gives her comfort; only because at least she has that much. like she said in the latest chapter, happiness was not what she needed, it was stability and money - all things she lacked before.
and yea she did go back to her roots! all of her issues started with her dad anyway but that part is slowly patching up 🩹💔 oooh actually your theory is right bestie 🧐 gojo found y/n interesting bcos she reminded him of mia, so the more she pushed him away, the more he’s like wait, i’ve been here before, let’s not repeat past mistakes but i can do better now. on the part where gojo talked to mia while she was asleep, notice how he said he’s given a second chance to do better now, all because he couldn’t do them with mia but he could with y/n.
ohhh actually y/n was the one who established that ‘fulfilling mutual need and settling for familiarity instead of being lonely’ type of relationship. gojo avoided her for weeks and he’s pretty settled in keeping his distance, but she was the one who sought him out. deep down, y/n is afraid if she doesn’t at least use him as an anchor to her more humble roots, then she might spiral out of control and end up like valeria, thus using him as a ‘distraction’ but in reality, she needs his comfort to be grounded.
SECOND LEAD AGENDA OMG LETS GOOO 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️ geto the fine fine option.
NO BESTIE MOMENT U MENTIONED LAWYER NAOYA I JUST KNEW I WAS GONNA SCREAM. okay but lawyer! naoya is so fine, i love his character so much bcos he’s a pure bean. originally, i was gonna make him an antagonist but i found he had more potential as a good, supportive character. HIS PEN SPIN HELPPP WHY COULDN’T HE JUST BEEN OUR BABY DADDY 😫 he pulls them fast spins bcos he’s nervous btw HAHAHAHA y/n can be quite intimidating and lawyer! naoya is sometimes too precious.
celebrity chef! sukuna is MEAN! he was pictured after gordon ramsay so lmao. omgggg sukuna being famous not only for his food but also his handsomeness 😳 he gets so cocky over how no one can get in his level while popping a battle of champagne, listening to ‘careless whisper’ while dancing to his reflection in the mirror 😤
also yoo supermodel! choso is THE hot shit 🥵 he’s so famous his schedule is packed for an entire year and a half and those are just for very selected brands and designers! ugh imagine going to work on the subway when you see supermodel! choso with rbf posing sexily and you swoon because he’s so sexy. plot twist that choso doesn’t know how to drive bcos as a kamo family member, they grew up with drivers taking them to and fro, so when his driver got sick and everyone else was busy, supermodel choso takes the subway himself and hides behind a face mask and cap while still wearing extravagant clothes that makes him stand out more. he does not have ‘subtle’ on his book at all.
and yeah people say he’s intimidating but its more his height and build + rbf! in reality, he’s just as soft and sweet as naoya, but both of them go into protective mode when someone they care about is being crapped on. and boy when they DO get into “what did you just say?” mode, better run away 🏃🏻♀️ supermodel! choso is also an heir to the kamo empire though not after the business, but he still has enough power to take you down in a second.
meanwhile, lawyer! naoya didn’t become this successful without being so savage yet composed he makes you question your entire existence before he drags you to court. lawyer! naoya is so scarily convincing that he can make you plead guilty even tho you did nothing wrong 💀
aaaah omg supermodel! choso LOVES babies actually! as the eldest child who looked after his brothers bcos the kamo parents are always away for work, being a father figure is so natural to him. i can picture him being the one who cries harder than gojo if the baby is born bcos he’s so excited, then reads poems to the baby before sighing that childbirth is such a beautiful thing 🥺
omg i know sweet n sour, the actresses are one of my faves tho i haven’t watched it yet! oooh they’re a nurse? i didn’t know that 🧐 i actually finish my short training in a week so i’ll be heading on to heavy majoring in psychology! wait bestie are YOU also a psych major 😳💕 oh and i see i see, sky castle *jots that down for future references* reckless actually has lots of significance in terms of the parents’ roles so i’m excited to see that! and aww thank you so much, can’t believe i made it in someone’s top three 🥺💕
HELP AHSKWKW i’m gonna call the best chiropractor in the world and send them gege’s way, i’ll cry a river if that’s what it takes to bring my boo back to life 😭 and noo baby the support already means a lot to me, i’m just happy to indulge in my hobbies and share it wih you all so thank you very much for everything 🥺 please take care of yourself too n have a nice day!! kith MWAH 💕
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Late nights
kenma x female reader lemon
note: yo welcome to the spice rack hang on to your seats this gonna be a wild one and keep in mind this my first go at the freak shit so gimme a chance to get the ball rolling😁 i’ll spell check it tomorrow 🤷🏼♀️
warning ⚠️: if you don’t like the freak shit then ya ass better get the hell outta dodge
prompt: kenma just wants to play his games but you want something more and getting him riled up is on your list of to do’s (the end though)
y/n’s pov~
kenma is out late as hell again with practice. Man Kuroo I am personally gonna jam my foot in your ass for this. I came by Kenma’s house and seemed not a soul was home and the door was unlocked. Me being the amazing girlfriend I am, I just waltz in and went to his bedroom and sat on his bed waiting for him to come home. I’m watching youtube on my phone when I hear the door open I look up and Kenma is standing at the door taking off his jacket and playing a game. I looked at him and he still has on his trade mark blank stare. 
“Hi beby, how was practice,” I asked.
“Same as always,” he replied simply, hooking up a console.
“Oh I see you can turn on your game before you come over and give me any attention,” I mumbled pouting.
Kenma only shrugged and sat down in his gaming chair and put on a headset. great now i’m gonna have to sit here an- hold up hmmm mayyyybe not.
no one’s pov~
y/n climbed off the bed and swayed over to the chair in front of the tv. The room was dark besides the lighting from the tv so she hoped he wouldn’t notice. Knowing Kenma however, he is more keen to what’s going on around him even if he’s focused on the game. Y/n leaned her head onto his shoulder and let out a hot breath against his neck. Kenma tried his hardest to stay composed and ignore her. Y/n eyed him for a reaction, but all he did was reply to someone on his headset. She gave a huff and came up with a better idea.
y/n’s pov~
I slid to the front of the chair positioned on my knees, sliding my hand up his thigh. I looked up and he sucked in a sharp breath, still not acknowledging me. Hmm well if you want to ignore me i’ll make it a damn challenge. I slid my hands to his waistband and slid down his shorts and boxers. He flinches and continues to stare at the screen. I slid one of my hands from his thigh to his shaft gripping onto him.
“So love how long can you ignore me when I have you like this,” I said looking up at him with a smirk.
nothing. Damn you and your self control. I just smile and look at him while I wrap my lips around his cock taking my tongue up his length. I play with his balls while I sink my head further down him. He is still staring at the screen though. Kenma’s expression has changed his mouth is hung open and he’s panting. Suddenly he jerks and I take my mouth off his length and look to see he died in the game. I look back up at him putting him back in my mouth with an innocent look. Kenma muttered something into his head set, paused the game, and looked down at me with a pissed look. His look sent tremors down my spine and sent a heat to my core.Kenma grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled my head off his cock.
“You are playing in dangerous territory y/n,” He said in his monotone voice his tone carrying a warning.
“well what are you going to do about it,” I said looking up at him with a smirk.
His grip on the back of my head tightened. Ooo that pissed him off but, he kept his blank stare as best he could.
“Since you want to test your luck don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he replied voice sounding more husky.
Kenma is never like this, so the rare moments were I push his buttons to the point where he threatens and shows domanince is so hot. I shiver and keep his stare. Then he cuts his game back on, talking in the headset “i’m back.” One hand on the controller and his other hand still gripping the back of my head. He jerks his length a few times before he muted his mic and looked down at me.
“If you milk my cock like a good girl maybe your punishment won’t be as bad,” he said making me moan around his cock.
“Don’t take it out of your mouth unless I say so,” he jerked my head up so his mouth was next to my ear “or I won’t let you cum,” he said his voice low and erotic.
He unmuted his mic and started talking again as he slid his shaft back into my mouth. I start bobbing my head up and down at a slow pace. Hollowing out my cheeks sucking hard on him, wet slurping noises filling the room.
“mmm just like that pudding, you look so good with my cock in your mouth,” he praised me and he put his hands back on my head, controlling my actions.
He was at a rough pace his dick hitting my back of my throat making me gag and tears brim my eyes. He started panting letting out low growns. I buck my hips into the air wanting nothing more than for his cock to be deep inside me. I reach my hand down to rub my clit needing some friction. Kenma abruptly stopped and grabbed my wrist looking at me irritated.
“Did I give you permission to touch yourself,” he asked making me flinch.
“stand up now,” he spoke monotone no expression at all I quickly did as told.
“strip. now,” he commanded.
I stepped back while he continued to play. I stripped down completely and looking up at him swaying my hips. Kenma looked at me and growled.
“come here and sit in my lap,” he said looking at me expectingly.
I walked over and sat in his lap his cock sitting at my entrance I grasped at it and he gripped my wrist again.
“don’t you dare you couldn’t listen so you don’t get rewarded,” he said simply.
I whimper desperately grinding my hips against him he starts speaking into the mic
“I’m going to watch you guys for a little bit I have something to handle,” he spoke softly.
“now what should I do with you,” he whispers.
I look up at him with pleading eyes and he looks down at my opening and thrusts a finger into my cunt. I let out a whine grinding onto his finger. Kenma grips my hip and keeps me in place. He presses another one in making a scissoring motion. He pushes into that spongy spot inside of me causing my head to spin. I let out a cry feeling his fingers stroke my inner walls. He starts to rub his thumb on my clit in circles causing me to get closer to my release. My moans get louder, I grip onto the chair handles trying to ground myself.
“What is it pudding can’t handle my fingers in your pussy, are you gonna cum,” he asks thrusting them faster.
I nod my head frantically. Kenma stops and pulls his fingers out of me. I let out a cry of frustration bucking my hips into the air.
“I won’t give you the pleasure of cumming yet,” he spoke laying me across his lap.
He landed a firm slap on my ass making me let out a loud moan. I could feel the stinging as he landed one after the other.
“You like me punishing you, what a naughty little thing,” he spoke as he slapped my ass again making sure it would be red and splotchy by now.
Kenma sits me up on his lap and grips is cock slapping it on my pussy.
“I wonder what you want hmm,” he spoke with no emotion at all.
“please baby please,” I choked out.
“That’s no good, use your words tell me what you want pudding,” he teased.
“Fuck me please, Kenma I want your cock so deep inside me, make me cum please,” I begged any dignity I had was gone in the hopes that he would give me my release.
“Good girl,” he said thrusting his length into my needy cunt.
“Kenma,” I shrieked pleading and desperation seeping from my voice.
he stayed still and didn’t move. I started bucking my hips done onto him.
“you bad girl since you want it so bad fuck yourself on my cock then,” he whispers in my ear.
I started to bounce up and down on his cock moaning and gripping his shoulder. Every thrust felt like pure bliss. My mind was blank the only thing that mattered now was the man looking back at me. I started bouncing faster. Kenma gripped my hips and started guiding me up and down his shaft.
“yeah just like that ride this cock just like that, god you’re so fucking tight pudding,” he groaned gripping my hips tighter.
listening to Kenma’s words and feeling him thrust deep inside me was bringing me closer and closer. The coil in my stomach was starting to tighten as I moved my hips frantically trying to chase my release. My head fell back as my mouth fell open.
“I’m so close baby more I wanna come on your cock make me cum please,” I cried out in pleasure.
Kenma changed his angle and started hitting my g spot over and over causing me to lose my mind.
“Then cum pudding, cum all over my cock,” he groans his thrust starting to get sloppy.
After hearing those words the coil snapped.
“KENMA” I cried out hitting my high.
Kenma kept going at a rapid pace helping me ride out my own orgasm chasing his own release.
“mmm fuck fuck fuck I love you so much pudding,” he was rambling out between moans.
a few more thrusts and Kenma pulled out and shot his load all over my chest and stomach.
we both stay like that for a moment panting trying to catch our breath.
Kenma picked me up and sat me on the bed cleaning me up.
“I love you kenma,” I spoke giving him a kiss on the lips.
“I love you too y/n,” he spoke softly laying his forehead against mine.
“Uh babe you still have your headset on,” I said with a giggle.
“Don’t worry about it I have them on mute,” he chuckled.
“On mute my ass” Kuroo yelled through the mic causing my heart to fucking drop.
“bullshit” I could hear Kagayama’s voice.
“wow Kenma next time be smart and cut your shit off dumbass,” I could hear Tsukki over the mic along with Hinata’s awkward screams of protest and shock.
“Damn never thought i’d see the day where I got to hear Kenma rail someone,” Lev laughed.
“WTF KENMA YOU DUMBASS,” I shout in embarrassment.
I could hear all the boys laughing over his headset. Kenma hung up on them and cut off the console.
“oops...”
#haikyuu!!#kenma kozume#kenma imagine#kenma x y/n#kenma x reader#kuroo tetsurou#tsukishima kei#haikyuu tobio#hinata shōyō#tobio kagayama#my spice rack
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New experiences, new feelings
Pairing: Virgin!Reader x Matt (for a short moment), Virgin!Reader x Dean
Word count: 5190
Summary: The reader decides it’s time to venture into something she’s never done before, but her rushed decision leads to a disastrous outcome, that only her good friend -or maybe more- Dean Winchester can help solve.
Warnings: Smut (protected sexual intercouse), USE CONDOMS, first time having sex, fingering, oral (for a little bit, both male and female receiving), slight angst, slight fluff.
A/N: This story is a present for @waywardrose13 as a present for Galentine’s day!! She requested: “Dean x Virgin!Reader smut. I’m a sucker for those fics. They’re so sweet” I tried to make it as sweet as I could. I hope you enjoy this Rose. Happy Galentine’s day!!!
Written for @spnfanficpond Galentine’s Day Fic Exchange. Tagging @mrswhozeewhatsis
Also this is for @spnkinkbingo Square filled: Free Space.
A big THANK YOU and shoutout to @rachelladytietjens for her amazing and much needed help. Go follow now!
Read it on AO3
New experiences, new feelings
So here you are, sitting in the dark with a beer in hand. Hiding in the bunker’s kitchen in the middle of the night. Hiding from the world, from the disastrous date you just ran away from. Hiding from yourself in hopes to erase with alcohol the events of your fateful evening.
Listlessly you pick at the biggest tear in your fancy ripped jeans, anger flooding you as your fingers hook into the hole, tearing it all the way across your thigh.
“Shit!” you shout at the same moment the room becomes bright as day. Pushing away from your chair you stand in the blink of an eye, grabbing the gun hidden under the table and aiming at the large figure in the doorway. Your eyes take a couple of seconds to adjust and when they do, you see Dean with his hands up waiting for you to realize it's him. “You scared the shit outta me!” You lower the gun placing it on the table.
“Sorry, Sweetheart! Hey, aren't you supposed to be on a date right now?” he asks checking his wrist watch as he enters the room.
“I’m supposed to be lots of things,” you answer sarcastically, trying to tug the fabric of your ruined jeans back in place as if it would have some sort of magic velcro that’d stick it right back, your eyes roll when the piece of cloth falls back down.
“What does that mean?” Dean asks as he reaches the fridge.
“Nothing,” you sigh. “Can you get me one?”
Dean nods and then closes the fridge door turning around with two beers in hand, walking towards the table. He spots the tear in your jeans, and freezes. It's Dean-the-Hunter who growls, “He do that to you?”
“No! I did it myself… My-My finger got stuck,” you assure him with a short smile, a genuine one, letting him know you’re fine before sitting back down.
Dean relaxes and sits down across the table, his eyes taking in the couple empty beer bottles resting on the table, and gives you an interested look as he says, “That bad, huh?”
“Yeah,” you breathe out. “Actually no,” you correct yourself after a moment. “The first part was great, you know?”
“Uh-Hmmm.”
“We even got to his place and all… And it kinda got hot,” you confess after a drinking pause.
Dean takes a swig of his beer, his eyes on you and with a raise of his eyebrows he urges you to keep talking. It’s not unusual, you venting your problems to him. Tonight he looks truly interested in listening to what you got to say, maybe because you’ve never talked about boy problems, probably because you’ve never had boy problems, but he doesn't know that… Or maybe he does.
“But then I said something that maybe I shouldn’t have and of course, he said something that made me feel…” you stop and sigh.
“You know I can pay him a visit, right? Just gimme his address and I’ll make it look like an accident.”
You laugh and shake your head.
“Made you feel… sad?” he guesses and you shrug a shoulder. “Or we can both beat his ass and then I’ll cover our tracks.”
You smile at his attempt to make you feel better. “Nah, just. He made me feel like… Like I'm wrong!” You huff and sulk a bit in your chair. Dean's hand reaches out to you and his fingers graze your knuckles across the table.
“And I'm not wrong!” you are quick to tell him. “I know there's nothing wrong with being a-a-” Dean's eyebrows drawn together and he gives you a quizzical look. “There's nothing wrong with being what I am.”
“You tryn’a tell me you're gay? “ he asks. You give him a surprised look.
Does he thinks you’re gay? Do you give you a gay vibe? You never thought about it before, but that lady did came up to you the other night and offered to buy you a drink, which you politely declined.
“You know I'm totally fine with it, right?” Dean adds and you put a pin in that thought to ask him later about the gay vibe.
“Yeah! I mean no! Ugh! I know you're cool with it. But I'm not gay. I like men.”
“Ok, ok.” Dean nods, and the astonished expression he had on faded into a more content one. “What is it then?”
Your mind wanders as you try to find the words to tell Dean about your… condition, without using the actual words, not that is a bad thing, it is not, but this is how you’re feeling tonight. And the autoplay starts again right in front of your eyes… Matt and you moved from the couch to the bedroom after about twenty minutes - since you reached his place after finishing dinner - of a very heated makeout session. Everything was in full swing until his hand slid down the front of your jeans and found your soft spot. Your body reacted on its own and you slapped his hand away.
“I’m sorry I-I didn’t…”
He moves away from you a little, his eyes on you.
“I liked it. I swear!” you chuckled nervously.
He shrugged it off and in a moment his lips are back on your neck, making your eyes roll to the back of your head and his hand started his way south again until without even noticing it you slapped him, again.
“What is it?” Matt asked a little hasty.
“Shit! Sorry! It’s just I- I never-”
“You never what? Had someone finger you?” he laughed.
“Yeah, that’s exactly it. I never got this far before,” you admitted a little ashamed under his judging eyes. “I never let it get this far… with-with anyone.”
“Wait, does that mean you’re a virgin?” Matt stood up from the bed and had to hold on to his unbuttoned jeans before they could fall down his legs.
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal… I don’t want it to be special or anything. It’s just that I never got the chance- never let myself get the chance to get this far.”
“Jeez!” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting himself fall back onto the bed, your body jumping with the momentum.
“What?”
“Yeah, no this-” he motioned with his hands between you and him, “-this is not gonna happen.”
“What? Why?” You raised your voice and yourself from the bed.
“Virgins, they get attached. I don’t do that. I don’t do virgins.”
Rage flooded your senses at his words and that stupid smug smile on his face as he believed himself better than you somehow. As if his dick would have some sort of super power or something that’d made you come back and beg for more. This time your body acted together with your brain and you punched him square in the nose.
“What the fuck?!” Matt grabbed his nose. “Why you do that?!”
“Because you’re a fucking asshole!”
“And you’re a fucking virgin! Get the fuck outta my house!”
“Hey, what is it? You alright?” Dean’s worried voice pulls you from the nebula that is your mind and maybe it’s because you’re angry or maybe it’s the almost 3 beers you already drank having some effect in you, or both things combined, but the words blurt out of you.
“I’m a virgin, ok?” you admit with annoyance.
“Oh, okay…I never woulda guessed,” Dean clears his throat and sits up, his hand leaving yours.
“What, you think it’s a bad thing too?”
Dean takes a second to get back to you, and it’s sort of reasonable considering what you just told him , but you are having none of that right now and you open your mouth to start the second argument, about the subject, of the night when he finally says something. “No! Of course not! It just. It never would occured to me to think you were-you are...Um that you never-”
“It’s a choice!” you say too strongly, taking a deep breath after to relax a little. “I never wanted the complications of sex while living the life…”
“And what changed?” Dean interrupts, his voice changed from the startled tone he had a minute before to a composed one, which made you stop and take a breath to calm yourself.
“What you mean?”
“Yeah, why this guy. You were planning on- with him. Why?”
“I… I honestly don’t know.” You take another chug of beer. “I wanted to get over with it and just do it.”
“Yeah, but why now?”
You think for a moment, trying to come up with the reason for it. “I guess I started thinking about it after the shifter that attacked me up a few months ago. I almost died! If you Sam hadn’t gotten there in time… He-”
“Hey.” Dean takes your hand in his. “We got there.”
“I know, thank you,” you smile and shake that feeling away. “So, after that experience I started pondering about life and I guess I wanted to do it before I die, because you never know and you know! I wanted to know what it was like… It’s the stupidest reason, I get it now.”
“It’s not. It seems like a good reason to me,” Dean shrugs. “But that guy sounds like the biggest douche and you still haven’t told me why him?.”
“Oh right. I dunno, he was there. We’d been texting for a while and he seemed nice. He never sent a dick pic!” you snort a short laugh. “ And besides, he was only one to ever show interest in me. You know I’m not one to flirt much when we go out and heads never turn when I walk into a room. But Matt he-he bought me a drink and asked my number.” You sigh and finish your beer, licking your lips and nodding silently as an involuntary movement, agreeing with nothing or everything that happened tonight.
Dean scoffs and you look up to meet his eyes. Beautiful green eyes, kind under the white light of the kitchen that makes his freckles stand out. Your eyes roam his face, taking in every inch of it and the small smile tugging at the side of his plum, pink lips. “That’s not true,” he finally says.
“What’s not true?”
“You make heads turn, only you don’t notice, you never notice. And guys don’t come up to talk to you because you give off a really intimidating vibe,” he chuckles and you join in.
“I guess I have a really bad bitch resting face.”
“Yeah, no offence!”
You laugh and wave him off.
“Me and Sam, we know you. But that face… I mean you’re still beautiful, you always are -he licks his lips- but most guys are assholes and feel intimidated by powerful powerful, gorgeous women”
“And you don’t?”
“Nah, your bark is worse than your bite.”
“So you think I’m gorgeous?”
Dean smiles, white teeth on display. “So you got that?”
“Well, of course. I always thought you thought of me as cute or as a fucking badass hunter-” you laugh.
“Super badass!”
“But beautiful and gorgeous?”
Dean shrugs in response.
“You’ve thought of me…sexually?” The moment the word leaves your lips you feel a vibration running down your arms and legs and the tingling on your nipples.
“Yes.”
Your eyes widen at his response. “Okay, that was a fast answer.” Looking down you notices his hands never left yours and now his thumb is rubbing in soft circles as middle finger and thumb from his other hand hook around your wrist. You swallow down and clear your throat. “You know that love- you clear your throat again- love has nothing to do with sex, right?” You don’t want to overthink it, but this whole exchange most likely would lead to two outcomes and you wanna be sure he knows exactly what you want. Dean nods and licks his lips again, his smooth looking tongue lingering on his lower lip, leaving a glistening layer behind. Of course he knows that, his conquests tend to be one night stands. “That’s what I was wanted, no love involved.” Dean leans over the table, getting closer and you do the same, lowering your voice as you do since he’s so close. “But now there’s a big difference…”
“And what is that?”
“I- you sigh, goosebumps prickling all over your skin as his hand travels up your arm- “I didn’t really knew Matt. I coulda gotten up and left afterwards and that was it. It was over. I woulda never had to see him again. No awkward moments or new feelings added to the relationsh-”
With his thumb on your lips Dean silences you. “Look, you can get up and leave afterwards. We’ll pretend it never happened, if that’s what you want.” His green eyes drop from your eyes to your lips. “We can stop now, if that’s what you want.” He pauses to take a deep breath. “And if new feelings are awakened, then we’ll deal with them.” His long fingers slip behind you ear as he cup your face and his eyes meet yours again. “I like you, Y/N. I really do.”
You breathe a laugh. “I like you too.”
“Good,” he nods. “You want this?” he whispers the question so close to your mouth, his warm breath moisten the fuzz above your upper lip.
The proximity of Dean’s body to yours makes the air come in and out of you in short pants, your breathing so shallow you start to feel like you might faint. Inside your ears the drumroll of your heart is all you can hear. Do you want this? Of course you want this! You wanted this with Dean ever since you first set eyes on the seasoned hunter. Although you never thought he would ever want anything to do with you. You never considered yourself other than pretty, a girl next door kind of pretty, and certainly not the Dean Winchester type. And every moment you spent with him for the past 4 years allowed you to know him as a person and not just as the handsome, seductive, flirty, kissable man he was. You knew how friendly and kind he was, you got to know the good humoured and lovable interior that hid under the strong armour, and that made you want him more than anything.
Do you want this? Pffft!
“I want you,” you say before claiming his mouth in a searing kiss that he's quick to reciprocate.
Both of his hands are now around your face and he pulls you to stand up with him, but he is taller than you and you are obligated to clumsily climb onto the table, one knee at the time, your own hands leaving his body to help you hoist yourself up from the ground and kneel on the hard surface. Dean helps you with one hand to unfold your legs from beneath your body, so you don't fall off the table, until you sit in a more comfortable position right in front of him, your knees now closing around his hips and thighs as Dean ducks his head to kiss you again. His fingers card through your hair and at the same time dig on the exposed section of skin exposed on your side as your shirt rode up from all the movement, causing you to jump in surprise before remembering that most people have two hands and can use them separately.
You smile at your own reaction and Dean takes it as you being happy with what's going on, which you are of course, but that leads to a confession from him. “I know I never thought this would ever happen either.”
What was that supposed to mean? Did he want you from the beginning just like you did him? That was so fucking cliche, he wanted you and you wanted him - with a slight chance of a crush, not really that kind of love because you loved the guy, just not quite like that. But what if he loves you like that and you realize you won’t ever be able to? What would happen then?
His hand kneading you breast under your shirt pushes every logical thought out of your mind. You hand crosses the harsh barrier of his belt and the waist of his jeans causing Dean to groan as your fingers wrap around his hard member, applying a hard pressure around the head. You might have never done this before but you’ve watched plenty of documentaries about it on that interesting online page you found, pornhub, to know the theory. Dean’s hips thrust forward into your hand and he kisses your neck, his mouth leaving a damp trail around your throat. His fingers leave your hair, not before closing as a fist around it and pulling your head back to allow himself more room to explore your neck and chest, and start tugging at your braided leather, D-buckle belt that you keep for special occasions. This time, unlike with Matt you don’t slap his hand away. On the contrary, you help him by opening your legs wider to make room for him to get closer to you. You gasp loudly as his warm digits reach your heat and you both discover how wet you are.
“Fuck!” he sighs against your ear before pushing his teeth to your skin, just strong enough to let you know he could do much better than that.
The circles that are being drawn around your clit cause a fire in the pit of your stomach that spreads down to your groin and you know you’re going to come but it has never been this intense when you’ve done it yourself. Dean pulls the cup of your bra down, and with the tip of his thumb and forefinger rolls your left nipple, and that’s enough to make you explode. A blinding light blasts through your body, boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time, as if an angel just came down from heaven and blasted your soul to hell, where it surely belonged.
Dean continues rubbing, only more gently. You take his wrist to stop him and he complies immediately. Panting you look up at him, his lust blown eyes staring back at you and he waits, breathing heavily. He waits for you to allow him to go on.
“D’you- you have protection?” you ask, swallowing around a dry mouth.
“M’ room.” He moves away from you and pulls your hand from inside his jeans where it remained idle from the moment he started using his, and leads the way towards his room.
Neither of you have reached the bedrooms’ hallway so fast, ever. When you get to his room, Dean grabs you by your nice shirt, the one you just realized you wore and you stop him from tearing open to get you undress.
“Sorry,” he apologizes breathlessly.
Pushing your fingers away, he starts to unbutton it. Taking his own damn time with each damn button. The butterflies in your stomach flutter harder and faster with every inch of skin that a newly opened button uncovers, and he surely notices because he starts kissing you again, distracting you completely from it. Well, almost. Dean Winchester’s hands are undressing you, it’s impossible not to concentrate on that. Your tongue meets his to dance at a slow lustful pace and you moan into his mouth just as the soft fabric of your shirt glides off your shoulders and arms, pooling behind you with the softest thud.
He wraps his arms around your back to unhook your bra and your lips leave his when you finally move away to remove the undergarment from your upper body. “God, you’re fucking gorgeous!” he sighs, his mouth on your body next with his worshiping all of you at once.
You push him off of you and he freezes on the spot, thinking he might have done something that made you uncomfortable, you smile and push his flannel off his broad shoulders, tugging at the hem of his dark t-shirt once the first of his rare only two layers outfit falls to the ground. Your hands roam around his hard chest and soft stomach and they only stop when your lips latch to his right nipple. Dean growls in pleasure and his hands land on your head, fingers tangling around your hair keeping you in place and then without prior notice he pulls you off of him.
Pressing his chest to yours, Dean forces you to walk backwards until the back of your legs meets the edge of his bed. His arms wrap around your waist and while lifting you up in the air he throws himself to the bed with you on top of him. As soon as you land he sits up with you straddling his lap, both of you naked from the waist up. You love the way his chest feet against you, his warm, creamy skin against yours. Your lips meet once more and you grind down onto him, his hardness tucked inside his jeans still, pressing in between your legs, igniting the sparks that precede the electric storm. You cry out into his mouth and Dean moans your name.
He lowers you onto his legs and slowly removes himself from underneath you. He takes off your jeans and underwear, not even noticing you’re wearing your fanciest pair; same way with your matching bra that now rests on top of the pile of discarded clothes by the door, stopping on the way to unzip your ankle boots and toss them over his shoulders, and then again a few times when your feet got caught in the ornamental holes of your jeans. “I fucking hate ripped jeans!” Dean sighs when he finally pulls them off.
He lowers himself, finding your thighs with his lips, pushing your legs apart to settle in between them. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, feeling his tongue discovering every fold, every crease of your sex, but soon it becomes too much and your push him away.
Dean kneels on the bed, pulling at his own belt and undoing his jeans. With some difficulty he stands and toes his boots off after loosening the laces. And right in front of your face he finally kicks to rid of his jeans and boxer briefs to reveal his erect cock to you. You swallow down, you've never seen one face to face, but still you know exactly what to do and you’ve never wanted to put something into you mouth so badly. Gently licking the head you grip around the base, feeling the throbbing on your palm, and you slowly take him in, deeper and deeper until the gag reflex shows up and he pulls you up.
“You just need more practice,” he says pushing you to lay back again. “We’ll work on that next time.”
Next time? He wants there to be a next time!
You position yourself with your head on the pillow and wait as Dean looks for a condom on the first drawer of his dresser. You give him a questioning look when he comes back with the square wrapper and a bottle of lube.
“It’s not really necessary, but I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you,” you awkwardly and timidly say as he rolls the condom down his length and then squirts a good amount of lube around himself.
Dean chuckles at your expression and jumps on the bed so swiftly you don’t even notice when he placed his legs in the middle of yours or when he started hovering over you. His hot skin brushes over yours and his breath fanning over your neck and chest let you know sweat already gathered all over your body. He leans into his elbows on both side of your head.
Your chest starts raising and falling too rapidly, the reality of what’s about to happen hits you. You never thought you’d be this nervous and of course you never thought you’d be doing it with Dean. What if you’re not at his level, or you don’t perform the way he likes. Or what if it hurts, really hurts. He seems big, you choked on him, but then again, you’ve never done that before.
“Look at me,” Dean interferes with your incessant internal inquisition. Your eyes flutter open and the tranquil expression painted on his face is enough to calm your nerves down for a minute. “You’re okay. Breathe,” he commands and you comply filling your lungs and letting the air escape slowly and steady. Smiling down at you, he caresses your cheek and kisses you one more time. “Let me know if you don’t feel like keeping going, ok? I promise it won’t hurt too much.” You nod and allow him to slide one hand in between your bodies, in order to line up his cock to your entrance, and as lazily and languidly as he’s able to Dean pushes in, gauging your reaction.
“Oh my god!” You gasp and your eyes open wider than ever.
It seems as it you’re being slashed open but at the same time it’s nice and sensually pleasing. Dean’s cock opens a path that’s been closed for so long and he sinks deep, so deep, that it feels like he will never get to the bottom but he does and he stops there. His chest fills almost crushing you and you recognize the bliss on his face. His features transformed with a mix of delight and agony as he wills himself not to move to let you adjust to him.
Staring into his eyes you circle your hips, fearfully at first but once the slight unpleasant feeling of muscles being strained disappears you become confident and move with purpose. “Shit!” He shuts his eyes tightly, meeting your lunges until he gradually takes the lead, pulling out almost entirely only to thrust back in, bottoming out. Dean’s eyes flutter open when your voice becomes louder and he dares to move faster and go a little harder. Causing you to cry out and he stops immediately. “I’m sorry! Am I hurting you?”
“No! Fuck! Don’t stop!” you beg and Dean complies.
The friction of his pubic bone on your clit forces a new wave of arousal to cascade from your core and Dean moans in your ear, quickening his pace. When you reach your peak again he has to stop moving, holding his own release in. But after you recover he takes one of your legs and paces it around his hip and you quickly do the same with the other one. His arms wrap around your shoulders and back and he starts going faster and harder that before, lifting your upper body from the bed with his. The arm around your shoulder moves and he strokes your hair, pushing a few strands behind you ear to move it away from your face so he can look you in the eyes. He smiles earnestly, his eyes scan every inch of your face in adoration, his teeth bite over his lower lip, containing the grin threatening to form. Suddenly underneath his eyes you feel naked, beyond your physical form, the way his eyes bore into you cause your heart to jump faster inside your chest. A sparkle gleams between you in that moment, impossible to ignore, your chest feels tight and your lungs burn as you realize you’re not breathing and you draw a deep breath.
“You are so beautiful,” Dean declares before his lips claim yours again. The new position allows him to hit the precise spot inside you that makes you thrash almost instantly. This time he’s not able to hold it and his movements stutter as he comes, wailing in pleasure as he shoots his load inside you.
Some minutes go by and you’re finally able to detach from each other, whining a little when the sweaty skin peels apart.
As you lay there in silence, acknowledging the burn from your insides from what you just did the wheels start turning again inside your head, and as much as you try not to think and overthink about it, all you can focus on is the look he gave you, the moment you two just shared. So intimate, so pure and perfect. What does that mean. Does he feels something else? Do you?
Dean says nothing, all you can hear beside your own heart are his heavy breathing.
Asshole Matt was right all along. This is just in your mind. You got attached and any friendship or possibility of a future meaningful relationship with Dean will be from now on doomed.
“Hey!” Dean’s soft voice pulls you from the dark cloud fogging your mind. “Remember we said it wouldn’t be awkward?” You nod and turn your head to look at him. He licks his lips. His fingers move to push some hair off your sweaty forehead, and then traver down your face and jaw, reaching your clavicle, raising goosebumps on the go and making your inside throb with want once more. “Talk to me?”
You push yourself up a little and roll to rest on your side, facing Dean completely. “I’m not sure how I'm supposed to feel. My head is in a turmoil of mixed feelings. But I don’t regret this. I don’t regret doing it with you.”
A sad looking smile tugs at the side of his mouth just as if he wished you’d said something else, something different. “That’s okay.”
“Do you know...how you feel about this?”
“Yes,” he whispers his answer, his fingers carrying their tour down your body. “But I knew beforehand. I’ve known it for a while now.” The tip of his index finger delineates the outline of your areola, you gasp. A hunger reawakening inside you.
“Dean,” you sigh.
“Don’t over analyze it. Let yourself go. Enjoy, explore the feelings. You don’t have to decide how you feel right now.” With his other hand he struggles to remove the used condom and tosses it to the floor before crawling on top of you, the wet and anew swollen head of his cock poking on your thighs.
“Dean,” you cry out his name.
He moves a little and positions himself with his legs around your hips and his length in between your legs, grazing your enlarged and sensitive clit. Your fingers clasp around his biceps as you try to make him stop.
“You really wanna talk about your feelings?” he asks. You start feeling light headed and unable to speak as his grinding fulfills its mission. “Okay then.”
“No!” you say with both hands on his hips to stop him, digging the tips of your fingers into his flesh when he doesn’t do it right away. You push him off of you and with a confused look Dean complies, laying next to you on his back. Quickly you climb to your knees and straddle his hips. “I wanna explore them.”
I decided to use my old tag list for this one
Everything:
@nadiandreu7, @mogaruke, @fangirl1802, @ria132love @feelmyroarrrr, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @love-kittykat21, @emilyymichelle, @imagining-supernatural, @kdfrqqg, @charliebradbury1104, @thedevilinthedetails, @docharleythegeekqueen, @artprincessbree, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @supernatural-girl97, @sammys-lost-shoe, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester, @nanie5, @roxyspearing, @emoryhemsworth, @rambling-rabbit, @akshi8278, @meganwinchester1999, @geekgirl1213, @waywardasfudge, @kickasscas67, @spnwoman, @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou, @asgardianvamp21, @michell868,
@thatpeachybandgirl, @read-the-reid, @supernaturalmistress @jensen-gal, @its-my-perky-nipples, @esoltis280, @jeanjeaniethings, @jadalecki-jackles, @andkatiethings, @strxngersclxb, @just-ladyme, @thisismysecrethappyplace
Dean/Jensen:
@missmotherhen, @chennyetomlinson, @jennell79, @ruprecht0420, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @evyiione, @laurafloradora, @fanfreak07, @superapplepie, @wingedcatninja, @sandlee44, @plaidstiel-wormstache, @lessons-of-red, @supernatural-fan-123, @mandilion76, @aly-winchester, @winchesterdemon67, @carribear31, @treat-winchesterswith-kindness
#New experiences new feelings#pond galentine's day exchange#SPNKINKBINGO#free space#virgin!reader#waywardrose13#dean x virgin!reader#dean winchester smut#dean x female!reader#dean winchester#supernatural smut#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfiction#galentine's day
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Date Night (Bruce Banner x POC!Fem!Reader smut)
Summary: Bruce keeps missing date night and he feels bad about it so he does his best to try and make it up to reader.
REQUESTS ARE OPEN
btw my fics are going to be POC so yeah.
Warnings: none really? except language, dirty talk, a little angst if you squint, 18+
Word Count: 2,676
-----
“I love you” Bruce kissed Y/N’s cheek and swatted her butt in a joking manner.
She’d finished making his lunch for the day, knowing if she didn’t, he’d starve himself in that damn lab.
“Don’t forget tonight, please” Y/N sent him a warning glare as she handed him his lunchbox.
It was Friday and that’s date night. The past couple of Fridays, Bruce has been too enthralled in his projects with Tony to even remember. But tonight was just a rest night in so hopefully he’ll be looking more forward to that than getting dressed and going out
“I promise I won’t” He rushed out the door and she sat down at her desk to finish up on an assignment for one of her criminal justice classes. Y/N yawns as she’d been working on this assignment everyday this week and was almost finished. Working towards your PhD is NOT easy.
She was ready to finish up and have a wonderful night in with Bruce.
-----
It had taken Y/N all day to finish and send in her assignment and by the time she finished it was almost time for Bruce to be heading home. She’d started dinner and that took about an hour and a half and he still wasn’t home so she called him but no pick up. She’d dialed Tony and also no pick up. Y/N knew that when that happened it wasn’t good.
She waiting another hour before calling both again and decided that Bruce had forgotten again and Tony had sucked him into a new project.
Y/N sighed and wondered if she should let it slide or go to the tower and drag him out. She decided to just shower and go to bed. This was his job after all and though it was tiring for her to constantly miss out on date nights, she understood.
As she was putting her school stuff away she heard the jingle of keys and Bruce stumbled in looking exhausted. He’d seen the somber look on her face before she plastered a fake smile and greeted him.
“Hey hun, dinner is in the kitchen. I kept it in the oven on a low warm setting so it didn’t get cold” she averted her attention back to putting her stuff away and she’d zipped up her book bag.
”Believe me, I didn’t forget. Tony just came up with a new project and it took longer to plan out on paper before we could start making the prototype-”
‘Bruce, babe it’s okay. This is your job”
Bruce could see the tears welling in her eyes but she looked away and headed into the kitchen. He followed her and saw her beginning to make his plate. She had made their favorite and he felt bad.
“Tell me when to stop” she said softly as she started to portion his food.
“That’s good” He came up to her and kissed her cheek, she gave him one back and handed him his plate. “Salad is in the fridge” she told him
Bruce went to the fridge to put a good portion on his plate. He looked at her from behind the door and damn did he feel bad.
Hell, school was a full-time thing for her AND she worked at the police station but she still remembered him and their date nights. She made him dinner and made sure he actually ate throughout the day, she made sure he ate good portions and took care of him.
He knew he had to make up for not only this but the past month and half worth of missed date nights.
She made herself a good portion and sat at the table quietly eating and he sat down beside her. And took her hand in his for a brief moment and she squeezed back.
He could tell she wasn’t mad but she was a little upset.
“What movies are on the roster for tonight?” He shoveled a fork full of his food in his mouth.
“Actually I was just thinking of resting tonight, that assignment took a lot out of me” she shrugged.
He low key pouted at how she didn’t want to continue their plans but he understood that he kind of stood her up in their own house.
She’d gotten up to get him a beer and pour herself a glass of wine.
“Thanks, honey” he muttered
Dinner was finished in silence and he came up with the plan to at least make her feel a little better about the whole ordeal.
-----
After dinner the two had spent a good fifteen minutes cleaning up with kitchen before retiring to the bedroom.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower” she said before kissing his cheek.
Bruce had the plan in his head and was wondering if he should even follow through with it. He heard the rinkling of her shower cap and the water began running. He waited a couple minutes before getting undressed himself.
He slowly crept into the bathroom and quietly shut the door. He stood there wondering if he should get in the shower with her. If she didn’t want him in there she’d kick him out and he’d respect that.
He open the curtain to see her rubbing her dove soap on her shoulders and down her arms. She tried to get her back and he used that as his cue.
“Let me help”
His voice caused her to jump and squeal but she realized it was him and handed him the wash cloth with a little smile. He got in behind her and started washing her back and running the washcloth down against her ass cheeks. This action caused her to laugh and shake her head.
“Gimme that, ya gotta wash your front bits before the back, ya goof” She took the wash cloth from him and gently cleaned her front before running the wash cloth under the water and gently went back over it washing the soap away. She added another drop of soap before lathering it up and washing her legs then her back bits as she put it.
In the midst of this, Bruce also began to wash himself. They both stood under the water that pounded down on their skin.
Bruce stepped closer and held her waist in his hands before giving a good squeeze.
“I’m so sorry, honey”
He kissed her neck and down her shoulder before retracing his path.
“I’m going to make it up to you now, is that okay?” He questioned
“Yes, Bruce” Y/N sighed and he took that as his chance to turn her around and kiss her with such passion it almost knocked her off her feet. His hands ran up and down her body, squeezing the love handles that he adored.
His lips trailed down her neck and chest. He nipped here and there which elicited cute little noises from Y/N. He got to her breasts and he knew that was her main weakness.
He took her left nipple in his mouth before sucking and tugging. His hand tugging on the right.
“Fuck, Bruce. That feels so good”
Bruce switched sides and gave the same attention to the right one. His left hand trailed right down to her clit, giving it pressured rubs.
Her hands flew to his shoulders for balance.
“Let’s sit you down, baby” he whispered in her ear and she feverishly nodded.
They have a walk-in shower and luckily a little sitting place was installed. He sat her down before getting on his knees, the hot water pounding on his back.
He kissed her inner thighs giving them a few bites which excited Y/N even further.
“Please Bruce, I need you” she begged.
Bruce used his right thumb to rub circles over her clit, then running it up and down her folds to spread the wetness that was flowing from her. His left arm kept her grounded as she shook from the pleasure.
He leaned forward and took her clit in his mouth
Y/N gasped and her right hand flew to Bruce’s head.
“Bruce” she moaned.
“More please” she whimpered.
He took is middle and ring finger and slowly pushed them into her and he felt the wonderful squeeze of her walls.
“Make me cum, baby please” she cried out.
Bruce used his tongue and flick her clit sideways, up and down, in any direction as he fingered her at the pace she liked.
Her moans and begging became more frequent and he felt the delicious clenching of her before she came on his fingers.
“Ooooh fuck” she practically shouted. She slumped back and sighed trying to compose herself.
In the midst of her recovering, Bruce stood up and grabbed the removable shower head.
She looked at him with a look of confusion.
“What are you doing with that?”
“Oh. don’t act like I don’t know that you use this to get off sometimes. I wanna see it for myself, how it makes you shake and whimper. I want to see those hips buck up as you chase your orgasm”
He fiddled with the dial and changed it so the water jets were closer together in space, that way it could target her clit directly.
“Baby you know how sensitive I get after my first org- FUCK!” she mewled,
He spread her lips and pointed the shower head right on her clit.
Y/N grabbed the shower bar for leverage. She felt the muscles in her calves tense as she curled her toes because of how good it felt.
“Baby, I- I can’t take it, it feels too good”
He shushed her and coaxed her with a smile.
“Be a good girl and take it. You gonna take it for me?” He smiled at her state.
“Oh my god” she tried to move but he wasn’t allowing it.
“You’re gonna be a good girl and take it, aren’t you, Y/N? Take it” His stare bored into her soul and she nodded her head weakly
“Yes, yes, yes!” Her head flew back against the shower wall with a light thud.
“Good girl” he muttered as he kissed and bit her left inner thigh.
“Cum for me. Show me how you cum from the shower head, baby”
“Baby I’m gonna cum!” Her hips raised up and little and he smiled.
Bruce slowly pushed his fingers back in her and teased her sweet spot while keeping the shower head on her clit.
She opened her mouth in the shape of an O and had her eyes clenched tight.
“No. You’re gonna open your eyes and look at me as you fall apart. Do you hear me?” He moves his fingers faster but she still didn’t open her eyes.
“I won’t let you cum, Y/N and you know it. Be a good girl and open those eyes’
She slowly open her eyes and stared into his while biting her lip.
Her body was shaking, she wanted to cum so bad but he was teasing.
“Are you gonna be a good girl and cum for me again?” He smirked she bit her lip harder and stared into his eyes and gave an innocent nod of the head.
“Baby, I’m fucking cumming” her hands braced herself on the seat as her body convulsed.
His fingers moved in her faster and she grabbed his arm as if to tell him to stop but he kept going.
“Bruce I-” she was cut off by her pussy gushing. He removed the shower head but her orgasm just kept coming
“Fuuuuck” she pulled herself back off his fingers to compose herself.
He moved to hold her and calm her down as she shook.
“It’s okay, baby. You did so good” he kissed her cheeks, forehead, nose and lips.
They stayed that way for a bit before he felt her fingers wrap around his hard on.
“Last one” she whimpered. “I want it”
Bruce took his dick in his hands before teasing her entrance with his tip.
She shivered out of sensitivity and whined.
“I got you, baby” he slowly bottomed out and they both let out a moan that sounded like a beautiful harmony.
“Faster” she pleaded.
He grabbed her ankles and pushed her legs back as he picked up his pace. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the bathroom along with Y/N moans and Bruce’s delicious groans.
She stared into his eyes as he thrusted into her. He moved his hand to wrap it around her throat and gave it a good squeeze. She smiled up at him with adoration and that look alone almost made Bruce bust right then and there.
Bruce moved down and attached his lips to hers in a sloppy manner but neither of them cared.
He pulled out for a minute before reaching for the shower head. The water wasn’t too hot but it wasn’t cold either, it was a comfortable warm. He thrusted back into her before placed the water jets at an angle right on her clit and the way she clenched around Bruce made his hips stutter in momentum.
“Do that again, honey” Bruce bit his lip as she did as he asked and he could tell they were both about to be spent.
Y/N moans and pleadings were flowing out of her almost at the same rate her juices were.
He saw that she was getting weak and he encouraged her.
“Cum for me one more time and we’ll clean you up and get you in bed, okay baby?” He kissed Y/N’s forehead and thrusted harder.
“It’s too much, I can’t take it” she wrapped her legs around his waist and held onto the arm that wasn’t holding the shower head.
“You can. And you will.”
She internally smiled at his dominance that he rarely brought forth.
“Okay, okay” She exasperated.
“Let go, I can feel it. Cum for me, Y/N”
Her eyes rolled back as her back arched and she came on him, she had triggered his orgasm as well.
“Fuck you feel so good” His voice dropped an octave of two as he whimpered. His hips stuttered and twitched as he emptied into her.
He slowly pulled out as they were both sensitive and they both stayed there gasping for air.
Bruce hung the shower head back up and got her washcloth to wipe her down and clean her up as he used his own to clean himself off. He turned off the water and carried her out of the shower, wrapping her in a towel then setting her on the bathroom counter, getting her toothbrush and wetting it before putting toothpaste on it.
“Open”
Y/N tiredly opened her mouth and had him brush her teeth
“Spit” he continued to brush after she did as instructed.
“Tongue out”
He gently cleaned her tongue and handed her a cup of water to rinse. Once he was done helping her, he brushed his own. He removed her shower cap and retied her headscarf before placing the red and black bonnet on her head.
Bruce carried Y/N back into their room where he then rubbed her favorite oil on her, which he then used on himself. He crawled into bed next to her and spooned her.
“Thank you” she yawned. “Best way you’ve made up for missing date night thus far” she snuggled back into him.
“I’m sorry and I promise to be more conscious of time so I don’t keep missing date nights. I know it was bothering you, you don’t have to keep that from me. But I love you and I’m gonna get better with that. I told Tony not to call tomorrow. We’re gonna have a movie day and we’re going out to dinner”
She could tell he was sincere.
“I love you” she whispered before she shut her eyes and letting sleep take her.
“And I love you” He kissed her shoulder, following suit of actually getting some shut eye.
----
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Genre: College AU, (romantic) comedy
Pairings: Euc/Lapis; Antarc/Phos; some Jade/Rutile, Alex/Chryso, Padpa/Yellow
Summary: Lit major and local college asshole, Lapis Lazuli has developed a sudden interest for Advanced Statistics, and for Prof. Euclase, apparently. If this sounds like a trashy romantic comedy, you’d be absolutely right
A/N: happy bday to me! this year i’m gifting myself and the fandom the silliest, mushiest, quirkiest fic my brain could come up with after the pain of chap 75 (and 76). ALL THESE ROCKS ARE ALIVE AND HAPPY, YOU’RE WELCOME! As always, thanks to Lapishead for betareading this. Enjoy!
“Did they open?” Lapis suddenly appeared behind Cairngorm’s chair, making them almost jump out of the seat.
“What the hell?”
Ignoring their complaints, Lapis picked up Cairn’s bag from the chair next to them and dropped it on the floor. They took a seat on the now empty chair, crossing their legs to catch Cairn’s attention.
“Did they open?” they asked again.
Cairngorm mumbled a couple of courses, as if they had not occupied the seat specifically for Lapis. It was impossible to find a free computer in all of campus today. They refreshed the browser again before groaning. They slouched in their chair, shoving their hands inside their hoodie’s pockets.
“No. For fuck’s sake, they said 3pm! I got better stuff to do than wait for registration to open.”
“Like?” Lapis smirked as they typed in their own password. Their fingernails made sharp clicking noises on the keyboard, joining in the chorus of students refreshing the same page over and over. They predicted it would not be long until the website crashed, as per usual.
“S-studying! Stuff, you know?”
“Do I?”
“Will you stop? I’m a very busy person and I hate this- this waiting. I didn’t sign up for a life of debt to have shitty wi-fi.”
“Anxious to learn new things, aren’t we?” Lapis refreshed the browser on their computer, typed a course name and hit enter. It got in: the registrar had started working.
“Fuck, this semester’ll be hell. Got two 200-level courses.”
“No, dear, you got two 200 courses and one 300 course,” Lapis finished uploading their schedule then they leaned over, their hair falling over in Cairngorm’s lap. They took hold of Cairn’s mouse and refreshed their browser too, adding a course to Cairngorm’s schedule. “You’re taking advanced stats with me,” they announced.
“What? Fuck no, what the hell, gimme that,” Cairn bent over to grab the mouse but Lapis was faster. They curled over it grinning like a cat.
“You need 3 math credits and I need a friend to bug. You should thank me.”
“I’m shit at math, I’m gonna fail.”
“Not if I do your final.”
“I’m not risking that. Gimme that thing back, I need to drop this class before all the easy courses are full.”
Judging by the curses of the students behind Lapis, it was already too late. But Cairngorm wasn’t paying attention to them. They bent over the desk too, trying to move Lapis’ arms to snatch the mouse from them. Lapis drew back, all too amused, they raised the mouse over their head, perfectly aware of the height difference between them and Cairn.
“Aw, won’t you do it for me?” they pleaded.
“Hell no. And don’t make a scene. Gimme that thing.”
“It’ll be fun. Ghost’s coming too.”
“What?”
“You gonna say no to some cute sibling time?”
Cairngorm hesitated. Lapis knew they would not allow Ghost to spend that much alone time with Lapis Lazuli. That’s what made it a full-proof plan. When Cairngorm sighed, withdrawing, Lapis knew they had won this match.
“Why stats?” Cairn asked.
“It’s a general elective.”
“Who takes advanced statistics as a general elective?”
Lapis grinned, giving Cairn back the mouse so they could complete the registration.
“You, me and Ghost.”
----
Ghost Quartz was filing the last book returns for the day. As a library intern, they had access to the best Wi-Fi of the university and they had been able to file and submit their schedule just as the students in the computer labs cursed the website for crashing twice. Not that Ghost would need the advantage, anyway. Mortuary Science wasn’t the most popular degree on campus.
They had just picked up some books to reshelf when they heard Lapis’ voice chirping a “hello” to one of their colleagues.
“How did it go?” Ghost mumbled when they believed Lapis had come close enough to hear them. They didn’t turn their head to look at their friend but kept walking to the designated shelf.
“Cairn’s coming,” they sounded excited. Ghost hummed in agreement as they placed one of the books in place.
“Of course they would,” and they would regret it as soon as they checked the average grades for advanced stats. Somehow that didn’t seem to bother Lapis at all, despite how much they cared about their gpa.
“It’s going to be fun,” Lapis chirped.
Ghost had agreed to add the class to their schedule almost as soon as Lapis asked them to. Just like Cairn, Ghost too needed to fulfil algebra requirements even if, under other circumstances, they would have thought of taking one more biology class or something related to chemistry. Maybe something easy to make a though semester more bearable. But they couldn’t say no to Lapis. Still, they still wondered why an English Lit major would be interested in statistics. Was it just to prove that Lapis could pass one of the hardest classes offered by their university?
“Why the sudden interest?” Ghost dared ask.
In a flash of long blue hair, Lapis was in front of Ghost, taking the last book from their arms. They cradled it as a treasure, holding it to their chest with crafted charm.
“Do I need a reason?” they smiled, tilting their head to the side. Ghost’s next words died in their throat.
-----
“So how did registration go?”
Antarcticite groaned, resting their chin on the palm of their hands.
“It was okay.”
“Missed a class?”
“No, no, I managed to enroll in all the courses I needed.”
“Then what’s on your mind?”
Antarcticite sighed, getting up. They glanced at the clock again and then at all the empty seats of the classroom. 9 pm wasn’t a great time for club meetings but what choice do you have when it’s this or getting your club canceled?
Lapis thought Antarc should be content: they had managed to keep the lit club alive with sheer willpower and reputation. But something was definitely bugging them, something unrelated to the club and that the lack of members made harder to repress. Still, Antarcticite wasn’t used to talk about their problems and Lapis found it useless to pry. If Antarc wanted to talk, they would.
Just as Antarc was clearing their voice, resigned to start a meeting with an audience of three students, the door opened and Cinnabar dragged themselves inside the room, puffing and panting as if they had run all the way here from the other side of the campus.
“Fashionably late, aren’t we?”
Cinnabar shot Lapis a murderous glance before letting themselves fall on the nearest chair to catch their breath. Antarcticite cleared their throat again, visibly more relaxed now that the audience number had increased.
“So, last time we thought of bringing back the literary magazine-“ they began. They had a way to pace around the room in very composed steps, barely gesticulating at all. Lapis found it amusing but not as much as the student to their right.
“You look fatigued, Shinsha,” they whispered, hunching over to get closer to them.
“None of your business.”
“Why, were you doing something exciting?”
“None of your business.”
“Someone exciting mayhaps?”
Cinnabar flushed a deep red.
“Will you just shut up?”
Lapis chuckled, brushing a lock of hair behind their ear.
“My, nothing to be embarrassed about,” then they stole a glance at Antarc, who was still pacing, so absorbed in the task at hand that they had failed to notice that no one was paying attention anymore. Maybe that was among the reasons these meetings were quickly declining in popularity.
“They need a fuck,” Lapis mumbled, still looking at them. It was a pleasure to see Cinnabar’s complexion becoming even redder from the corner of Lapis’ eye.
“Or a partner. Possibly both,” Lapis elaborated.
“What’d you even know?” Cinnabar managed to reply.
“Did I hit a nerve?”
“No thanks, I’m fine.”
“But you were all worked up when you got in. What happened?”
Cinnabar sighed, crossing their arms over their chest. They stole a glance at Antarc too, just to make sure they would not be offended in case they had noticed the ongoing conversation. Such a kind, surly soul, Lapis thought.
“My new roommate’s a moron.”
“Oh, tell me about them.”
“Like, an actual moron. Stupid freshman. Leaves their stuff everywhere, doesn’t turn off the alarm when I’m trying to fucking sleep, speaks in their fucking sleep,” Cinnabar ran a hand over their face, “Loud. So loud, all the damn time. And they always have this stupid grin on their face like life’s amazing and the world’s sparkly with rainbows and shit.”
“Aw, someone’s in love,” Lapis chirped.
“It sounds like Phos,” Ghost mumbled, chiming in on the conversation. Their eyes were still following Antarcticite and they had even taken notes, but somehow they had heard the whole conversation.
“You know them?”
“They take visual comm with Cairn. They came over to study a couple of times. They’re cute.”
“See?” Lapis chuckled, “they’re cute.”
“They’re a moron is what they are. If you like them so much adopt them and gimme back my alone time.”
“You still get plenty of alone time, dear.”
“No,” Cinnabar shoved their hands inside their pockets, scoffing, “I’m here with you.”
“Guess we’re just that awesome.”
Antarcticite chose that precise moment to meet Lapis’ gaze and realize that no one had been listening to a word they were saying. The room fell into a deeper, more uncomfortable silence. It was heartbreaking, really.
-----
When Lapis Lazuli finally got home, it was almost midnight. Antarc had kept them long after closing hours to lecture them on the goals of the lit club and its legacy, and how concerned they were about its current state. Then they insisted Lapis review the timetable for the following meetings on the spot, because it made no sense to postpone to tomorrow what you could do today.
Under other circumstances, Lapis would agree with them, but they were tired and they wanted to break the news about the stat course to Rutile. At least, Antarc had the consideration to drive Lapis back to their place.
The apartment was eerily silent when Lapis entered. They could hear the whirring sound of Rutile’s computer in the dark and wagered if their roommate had fallen asleep on the keyboard again. Lapis threw their coat on the couch and made their way to Jade and Rutile’s room, with a mind of waking up the latter if they were already asleep. But Rutile’s face peeked out from the kitchen’s door just as Lapis was halfway to the bedroom, giving them a fright.
“Where have you been?”
“My, this light isn’t flattering at all to your eye-bags. I was hoping you’d catch some sleep.”
“And have you jump on me in my sleep again? Jade’s resting, it’d wake them up.”
Lapis leaned their weight on the kitchen counter, playing with their hair to mask their impatience.
“So considerate.”
“Of course,” Rutile poured two cups of coffee and offered one to Lapis with a smile, “they’re way more fun to argue with when they’re nice and rested.”
Lapis accepted it to keep their hands busy but didn’t bring it to their lips. It was too soon in the semester to start injecting caffeine into their body in the middle of the night.
“It’s gonna be hard. Don’t they have midterms?”
“Precisely.”
Lapis assumed Rutile was studying for some kind of midterm as well because they emptied they cup with the resignation of a desperate student. When Rutile reached for the pot and started refilling their mug, Lapis put down their own and cleared their voice.
“Anything you wanna ask me?” they offered.
“Anything you gotta tell me?”
Lapis chuckled.
“You really thought I’d chicken out?”
Rutile glanced up from their mug for a second, a flash of surprise crossed their eyes and it soon turned into amusement. They began to laugh, breathless, hoarse chuckles.
“God, you really- you did it?”
“Told you I would,” Lapis smiled but some part of them wished Rutile would take this more seriously, give them the recognition they deserved.
“Oh my God,” Rutile wiped their eyes with the back of their hand. Med students really were hysterical, Lapis thought. “Who knew you’d be so desperate?”
“Envious already? Wanna dare me to take film production next?”
“Damn. Calm down. Who do you think you are? You didn’t even do anything yet.”
“I enrolled.”
“Doesn’t prove anything. I said ‘romance.’”
“Pretty sure you said ‘fuck.’”
Rutile wheezed, leaning back on the counter. They glanced sideways at Lapis, their lips parted as if to say something witty, but in the end they gulped it down and offered their roommate a smile instead. A few thoughtful seconds trickled by and Lapis fought to keep their demeanor neutral.
“You’re just a kid,” Rutile mumbled eventually.
Lapis’ perfectly relaxed expression cracked. They frowned, their nails digging marks in their palms.
“So were you,” they said. Then they turned their back, ignoring whatever reply Rutile might come up with, and walked to their bedroom with brusque, rushed steps.
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II.
A few days later and now it’s break time – a good couple of days of R&R courtesy of the producers at a huge luxury villa, complete with two big pools, hot tubs, and a treatment room. When you’ve had a week like we’ve just had, they know they need to factor in this kind of stuff otherwise there’d be riots.
So high spirits are everywhere, and cast and crew, at least the ones that haven’t headed home for a couple of days with families, are either letting off steam or collapsing in knackered heaps on the loungers and massage tables.
Now, there’s a double-edged sword going on here – while a couple of days off means more time to spend negotiating the bumps and ripples of the extraordinary young man who seems to want to explore mine too, it also means there are loads of people about. Loads of people who, let’s be honest, we really don’t want to be inadvertent witnesses to whatever it is that’s happening between us. While I’m slowly getting my head around the fact that he’s WAY younger than me and we’re working together, there’d be plenty of others who’d have something to say about it, I’m sure.
I get my bikini on and my shit together, now that my stuff is all here in the RV I share with Liz, and prepare to be slayed by the sight of that delicious toned and bendy body, ridiculously cute floppy, curly hair, and face-splitting grin all over again. It shouldn’t be allowed, honestly.
A few deep breaths, a little mantra to myself that I know this bikini makes my boobs look awesome, and I’m round the corner and at the pool, striding way more casually than I’m feeling. On the opposite side, Tom’s on a lounger, stretched out in the sun like a basking cat. I swear I see Harrison, his assistant and life long mucker, look across and smack Tom lightly on the arm. WTF?? Has he told him what’s been going on? Or do my boobs just look THAT awesome? I see his belly tense as he sits up, snapped out of whatever snooze he was in the middle of.
I take up a lounger at the corner, order a long cold drink and settle in for a sunning session.
Despite the temptation he presents, and his being just a few yards away, it turns out I’m knackered enough to nod off – at least until I’m drawn out of my drowsing by raucous laughter in the pool and being showered with a good amount of displaced water into the bargain.
“Bastards!” I yell, somewhat unintentionally, as I’m snapped back to full consciousness.
“Shit, sorry!” Harrison calls over, as Tom surfaces again, having clearly been the victim or the culprit, either/or.
“You bloody will be,” I reply – but their grins, and their obvious relief at being able to just have some fun, are infectious.
Harrison ducks under and swims off towards their loungers – but Tom lazily strokes over towards me. Leaning his arms on the tiles, he just watches me. I stare back, wondering how I can engineer a way to get my hands in those wet curls.
“Have you told him?” I ask. He blinks, a bit surprised by my bluntness I expect.
“Who? What?” he asks, blinking some more.
I just raise an eyebrow – and that’s enough. Jeez this kid is easy to break.
“He figured it out, I didn’t say anything. I mean come on, he knows me – he knew there was something on my mind.”
He lifts himself out of the pool to sit on the side in front of me, such an easy, graceful movement for him. Drops of water fall from his hair, travel down his chest and to his belly. It’s a very good thing that most of the people here are sitting a bit away from us, I’d swear my need to pounce on him must be palpable to anyone within twenty feet.
“By the way,” he says, “that…outfit…looks fucking incredible on you y’know…I just wanna…” – and he looks at me for a long, long time. The bastard knows exactly how to play it, I swear to god he’s skilled beyond his years. Or just really fucking confident. In all fairness, I don’t care which.
I just say, “Over there,” with a nod to the little row of cabanas nestled behind some palms at the edge of the pools. I get up as nonchalantly as I can, give a lazy little stretch and wander off.
The little cabana opens from both sides – once I’m in I close the door and lock it. The soft slaps of wet feet sound just outside and next, the other door opens and in comes Tom, the sneakiest little smirk touching his lips. After a few seconds of just looking at each other in disbelief, and a barely stifled giggle, those lips are on mine again and we’re hungry. I kiss him back as forcefully as he’s kissing me, my arms around his shoulders, hands in his damp hair – and his arms are low around my waist, pulling our hips together. I open my eyes and find that his are there too – deep brown, his pupils wide. I push him back against the side of the cabana with my whole body, still clutching him. A soft, low groan sneaks out of him through the kisses and his arms loosen slightly – but only so he can move his hands lower to my backside, pulling me further into him. Cue a matching moan from me, at which he stops suddenly, pulling his lips from me and tilting his head back against the wall of the cabana. He looks up at the low ceiling and breathes out hard. “Jesus Con…” he says – “what’d you have to go and make that noise for?!” He’s smiling, but there’s an intensity in his eyes as he looks at me – a really fucking sexy intent – which is doing all manner of unspeakable things to me.
“Sorry,” I reply. “We should probably get back out there before people notice anything.”
“Yeah, well, if I walk out there now I know exactly what they’ll notice,” Tom says, gesturing with those eyes downwards towards what is a sizeable…erm…protrusion in his shorts. “Your fault, all your fault,” he says pointing at me. “Gimme five minutes…” he says, having the good sense to look the tiniest bit embarrassed.
Now, the benefit of having a little more life experience than your partner in crime means that sometimes, you can see a swifter, clearer, win/win way out of a situation more quickly than they can.
“Actually,” I say, “shouldn’t need five minutes…” – he frowns, puzzled for the quickest of moments before the light dawns across his beautiful face, with a smile which gives me all the licence I need.
“Don’t move,” I tell him, as I kiss his open mouth again, and reach my hand down, fingers stuttering over his still damp stomach. I run them lower across the taut fabric of his shorts, tracing the thickened length of him. Silently thanking the blessings of youth, I press my fingers around him, and he’s harder than anything I’ve encountered over the last few years of spending my time with those who, some may say, are more appropriately aged for a woman approaching her forties. But fuck that, this is wonderful. His groaning exhale past my lips is all the encouragement I need and I reach over and under the waistband of his shorts, wrapping my hand firmly around him. The heat of him under my hand is delicious, and as he tips his head back, eyes closed, I begin steadily, snugly, stroking back and forth. He bites his lip, breathing heavily – tilting his head back down he whispers, “Fuck Connie,” and pulls my lips onto his again. His hands are in my hair, our faces mashed together, and my hand speeds up, keeping time with his ragged breaths. I watch his face, fascinated by the little furrows and twitches as he immerses himself in what my right hand is doing to him…a couple of times he opens his eyes and they meet mine, a tiny smirk playing about his lips till he screws his eyes shut and catches his breath again. We can’t afford for anyone to hear us, and Tom cuts off a cry as his body tenses against me, his hands firm on my hips, our foreheads together and his cock pulsing to its climax, wrapped tight in my palm. I watch the muscles across his belly pull and flex as his breathing starts to slow – until he lifts my chin to kiss me, smiling as he does so.
“Yeah that definitely wasn’t five minutes,” he says, blushing.
“It’s alright,” I reply. “I’ll take that as a compliment”. I kiss him, firmly and briefly, and leave through the back to let him compose himself.
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Gut
103
My mind was lacking all the nonsense and protuberant questions that usually filled any space they could discover, and I found myself utterly relaxed.
As always, I’d been hesitant to take my place on the chaise in Dr Jacksons office. To be honest, I was hesitant going into her office at all, but I’d shown my face for the second week in a row and I was beginning to fall back into the routine I’d gotten so used to. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel entirely right about going to see her, but it was important to me that I showed up, and did everything I could to feel better within myself.
“How are you feeling?” She asked.
It took me some time to reply, wrapping myself up in the utter nothingness I was feeling, swallowing in the empty atmosphere and breathing out long, steady breaths.
“Good.”
“Now, this is just a small exercise, okay? It should only take a couple of minutes.”
“Okay.” I swallowed.
“I want you to think back to New Year’s Day. Can you do that?”
I knew I had to be open with her. I’d spent months hiding the authenticity of my feelings from her, and those sessions being completely pointless thanks to it, but sometimes it was hard to deal with how open I had been with her.
She made notes about most things, but she didn’t even need them. She was the type of person who remembered every single detail of every person she’d ever come across. You could tell her something once, in small detail, and she’d remember it perfectly and figure out the information you hadn’t passed across. Of course, that meant she was in the ideal job, but it also brought up conversations and situations that I thought I wouldn’t have to acknowledge again.
An uncomforting shot of bile burst into my stomach, and I did my absolute best to ignore it.
“Yes.” I eventually replied.
“And when Harry admitted his feelings for you.”
“Yes. I remember.”
“I simply want you to tell me how you handled it.”
My recollections of that day were sharp to the touch, stinging as they scraped through my mind mercilessly. I worried that all my memories of Harry would start to twist and change and grow edges just as piercing as those of New Year’s Day.
Is that what would become of Memory Lane? It was a place where sunflowers had once grown tall in their search for the sky. Would they wilt and wither and instead be replaced by poisonous plants, painting their way down the picturesque path I had once loved so dearly. I had hoped to wander fondly down that road, but I couldn’t help but feel like once blue skies were changing into grey clouds that could spawn storms at any moment.
“Terribly.” I eventually replied. “I uh… I didn’t let him… feel the things he was feeling. I completely shunned him and denied everything. I denied his feelings and I denied my feelings and I… ran. I ran away from it because it wasn’t easy to face. So I just… turned away from it and forced there to be this… distance between us that I hadn’t even wanted.”
She didn’t say anything for a while, and I wondered if she was making notes but I didn’t open my eyes to confirm my suspicions. Keeping them closed kept me locked within that headspace where I could openly say things like that without just dismissing everything and repeating the exact same actions I had done that very day.
“Now,” She eventually replied. “I want you to tell me how you could have handled it differently.”
“But-”
“Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and you can’t change what has happened, but it can help you to see how you can handle future situations more productively. Mistakes are hard to own up to, but they really can help you to learn.”
Mistakes were usually things I liked to pretend had never happened, and she knew that about me. Not only did I run from difficult situations as they presented themselves to me, but I’d also become an expert when it came to blocking out my mistakes and pretending they’d never happened at all.
It was something I’d always been aware of about myself, I just hadn’t really been fully aware that it was something that needed to change as desperately as it did. I knew running from things had its poor repercussions, but I was only just coming to terms with the fact that turning my back on my wrong turns wasn’t just moving on and doing myself a favour, it was refusing to learn and alter myself.
And altering myself was exactly what I wanted to do.
I’d slowly become better at confronting things over the past few months, but I knew there was always room for improvement.
I took a deep breath in, and tried to place myself back in Harry’s parents’ home, sat across from him, destructive spirits seeming to pulse upwards from the dining table. I returned to a scenario that had haunted me what felt like a million times, and I tried to return there with a different mindset to the one I’d actually had at the time.
“I could have… I should have accepted what he was telling me. I shouldn’t have shunned him or castoff his feelings in the way I did. I should have, listened and… Fuck. I don’t know!”
“Yes you do.” She rejected. “Now tell me.”
“I don’t just run away from situations, I run away from my feelings. I fucking try to anyway.” I blurt. “And I should have really thought about how I was feeling rather than just, trying to decide how he was feeling and doubting that he could like me. It’s not my decision to make! It’s not my call! Holy fuck I don’t-”
“Florence, take a minute, calm down.”
I did as I was told, allowing myself to slip back into a calmer state than I had just been.
All I could feel was utterly frustrated with myself, more of my shortcomings appearing into my mind the more I thought about that one scenario. Just one set of actions, and so many faults, so many flaws and so many awful decisions. Just from that one time.
Recalling that day, I could see red alarms flashing around us that hadn’t been visible at the time, glowing and telling me that I was fucking up in every single way I possibly could.
It was awful, but enlightening.
“How’re you feeling?” She asked me after a while.
“I’m okay. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. Just tell me what you could have done instead, that would have made the situation easier. Better, for both of you.”
With my eyes still closed, and my breathing now somewhat regular, I took a few moments for myself before I replied.
“I should have accepted that what he was telling me was the truth. I shouldn’t have judged his feelings on his behalf. Even though… it didn’t make sense to me and it didn’t… seem right, I should have accepted it. And I should have… calmly thought about how I was feeling, and spoken with him. Openly. Honestly. I should have returned the favour.”
Even then, readjusting the circumstances and altering my reactions, I knew I still would have heavily doubted that Harry could feel that way about me. But over the months following he’d proved me wrong, with every single move he made and every interaction we had shared, he showed to me that I had been wrong to doubt his feelings.
I took those moments of silence that she allowed me, to think about the way that I wasn’t the only person in the world who saw all their own flaws under a magnifying glass. Everyone had their problems and things that needed working on, but I thought about Mo, and Sasha, and Niall, and Molly, and bloody Harry and I couldn’t name those things. I couldn’t sit there and list off things in the way I knew that they would be able to, and for the first time in my life I began to question if there wasn’t just a problem in the way I viewed myself, but also the way I viewed those around me, and the pedestal I placed them upon.
I couldn’t believe how much she was opening my mind with what appeared to me such a simple exercise.
“Okay. That was good.” She exhaled. “I’m going to give you another scenario, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Do you remember when you told me about when you dropped out of university?” She continued to bring up occasions that I had fucked up with great success.
“Yes.”
“And you remember how it was that you told your mother?”
“Yes.” I tried not to smirk, my lips stretching upwards, a chuckle misplaced in my throat.
“This isn’t funny, Florence.”
“Okay.”
“Now what did you say to her?”
“Word for word?” It was getting harder not to laugh.
“Yes.”
“I’m not going to uni anymore and you can’t fucking make me go back, so don’t bloody bother trying.” I recalled, letting out a snigger once I’d repeated my words.
“It doesn’t take a genius to work out that’s not ideal.” I noted Dr Jacksons smile without having to see it, all visible to me in the tone of her voice.
“I was drunk!” I reasoned. “And it was a voicemail, she wasn’t even there! It wasn’t that bad.”
I really wanted to open my eyes because I was convinced she was laughing, quietly against the back of her hand and praying I wouldn’t notice, but I was sure of it.
However, whatever she was doing, was working, and although I’d broken the mood slightly, I knew if I opened my eyes I wouldn’t shut them and feel that same way again. Eyes closed meant open mind, apparently.
We both took our time composing ourselves, moving past the humour of the situation and facing the consequences of leaving my mother a drunk voicemail to inform her I’d given up on my education.
She cleared her throat before she spoke again.
“Now, tell me how you could have handled that might have improved the situation.”
“I should’ve just waited.” I sighed. “I should have gone home, and spoke to both my parents about it and told them where my head was, and what my plan was, and why it wasn’t the end of the world. That one’s easy. Gimme a harder one.”
She finally caved, letting out a very small laugh. It was rare that I’d manage to get a giggle out of her, and it was always made me feel a bit proud, somehow.
“You can sit up now, if you want.”
Again, I did as I was told, finally opening my eyes, blinking back in the sunlight that fizzled through the window behind her, and she looked really happy. I then realised that I felt really happy. It wasn’t just down to the hilarity we’d stumbled across, but because I felt as though I’d taken more steps in the right direction. Usually, that made me cry, but for some reason, this time, I was pleased.
Because for once, I wasn’t looking at my progression by comparing it with my many regressions, but just by viewing the progress as a standalone piece. I didn’t need to look backwards to see the view ahead of me.
Because it was there, glittering upon the horizon, and I was moving closer to it, so close I could feel the heat that it was generating.
I grinned at Dr Jackson before dropping my head shyly, once again accustom to the light of the room.
“How different do you think a lot of things could be, if you had managed certain situations differently at the time?”
“You could ask anyone that.”
“True,” She complied. “But I’m asking you.”
“I could have saved myself, and those around me… a lot of time and energy. A lot of… heartache.” I admitted.
“How?”
“By taking my time. By… being honest and open and… thinking before I acted.”
“You’re too dependent on impulse and gut rather than premonition, care and thought. Gut feelings are often right, but they still deserve some processing, and for you to attempt understanding them before acting on them. And sometimes your gut… is just your gut.”
“Okay.” I nodded, taking in what she was saying to me.
“And I also want you to be aware, that it is okay to feel the way you do, even if it does hurt people.” I furrowed my brows as she spoke. “But it’s not okay, or healthy, to dictate how other people feel. Don’t throw your feelings on other people in an attempt to make them easier to manage.”
“Okay.” I nodded again.
It made sense. Maybe on New Year’s Day, I would have felt the same way. Maybe I would have turned around and told Harry that his feelings weren’t reciprocated, and that would have hurt him, but at least I wouldn’t have been demanding him to feel a certain way and doubt his own heart in a weak effort not to feel awful about what I was doing.
“You always talk so much sense, it’s insane.” I almost groaned. “You must have, like, every aspect of your life together.”
“I don’t, trust me.” She sniggered.
I dropped my head again, once more accepting that someone else who I thought really had their shit together, didn’t.
I think I knew then that it was time to stop seeing everyone else as the silver lining, and myself as the cloud.
“Shit!” I cried after I glanced up to the clock on her wall. “We’ve gone ten minutes over!”
“It’s fine. I don’t see my next client for another twenty minutes.”
I practically leapt up to my feet, brushing myself off and shaking myself a little, like I was jumping back into reality. It was so refreshing to be walking out of there feeling good instead of feeling drained and miserable.
Though I’d hated showing my face there again the week before, I knew I’d made the right decision to go back and see her.
“Thank you.” I bid as I began my exit.
“You’re welcome. I’ll see you next week.”
“Thank you, for all of this. I really do appreciate-”
“Just go!” She held a frustrated grin.
“Okay. Going. Thank you. Thanks. Okay.”
I waved and mouthed one final thank you for good measure as I back out of the door, and closed it gently behind myself.
I felt great.
104
The following day, myself and Mo were sprawled across his sofa, my legs up and balanced on top of his, an empty pizza box down on the floor ahead of us as we unenthusiastically watched TV.
“I bought a lottery ticket today.” Mo grumbled. “If I win, I’ll buy you a flat.”
“Oh shit. You well want rid of me, don’t you?” I snorted. “I’ve not even been here two bloody weeks and you’re dreaming about winning the lottery and kicking me out.”
I’d knocked on his door on the 28th of May, most of my possessions stuffed into a single suitcase, and tears filling my eyes. We’d only made it to the 8th of June and he was ready to get me the hell out of there already.
“I didn’t mean it like that, you fool.” He huffed. “I would like to buy you a nice flat because I like you! I don’t want rid of you, I just know that if I won the lottery, that would be a good thing to buy you! You’d put it to good use, I reckon.”
“I would. I promise. Thanks!” I smiled softly. “What would you buy yourself?”
“A dog.” He nodded confidently.
“So I get an entire flat and all you’re buying yourself is a dog?”
“I’d probably get another pizza. Main priority is a dog though.”
“Fair enough.”
“What would you do if you won the lottery?” He finally turned his head away from the tele.
“Shit, I dunno.” I lolled my head back. “Umm… Maybe I’d buy like, a really sick building in the centre of the city. Y’know on like… that run-down street where all the retro and vintage shops are?”
“Yeah!” He perked up.
“And I’d live upstairs, and downstairs I’d have a shop or something.”
“But you don’t need to work, you’ve won the bloody lottery!”
“I know but it’d be cute, right? Like, maybe a little book store like Arthurs. And you could work there and I’d overpay you by ridiculous amounts, and just have this like really nice little existence.”
“That’s so boring.” He groaned. “Aren’t you gunna go traveling and buy a shit load of cocaine and go wild?”
“That… doesn’t even nearly appeal to me.”
“Humdrum, is what you are.” He smirked.
“I’m actually happy with that.”
I knew I needed to move out sooner rather than later. Mo was still exceptionally pent up over the thought of his mother paying a surprise visit and throttling him for living with a girl. I missed my own space and I was tired of sleeping on the sofa every night. I knew Mo would gladly have me there for as long as I needed, but it didn’t mean that our situation was ideal.
I found myself staring to the floor, wondering who was now living directly below him, inhabiting my old home and probably successfully locking the door every time they left.
I couldn’t help but wonder how different my life would be if I wasn’t utterly inept. If I had locked my door, I would have never lived with Harry, and maybe I wouldn’t have ever allowed myself to fall for him completely. I would have stayed in my dead-end job and continued down my route of denial and things would have been exactly as they were a year before. I knew there had been a lot of things that had gone utterly wrong in my life since, but even taking everything into consideration, there was this very small part of me that was exceptionally glad that I hadn’t locked my door that evening.
Things might have been easier, if I had, but nothing would have changed.
There was a small knock on the door, timid and shy, and it prompted Mo to leap up to his feet immediately. I fell back into silently watching TV as he opened the door to greet our visitor.
“Oh, shit. Hi, man.” I heard him greet.
“Is she here?”
The sound of Harry’s voice forced my eyes to widen and my body to bolt upright, gripping onto the sofa like the thing was keeping me sturdy.
“What the fuck?” I whispered harshly to myself.
It had only been a matter of days since I’d been around to pick up the last of my things, and attached the dagger pendant securely around his neck. He’d asked for space. He’d asked me to stay away and I’d done that. I knew he wasn’t lying to me either. He really did want to get away from me and allow himself the opportunity to breathe in a life where I wasn’t suffocating him with my contaminated air.
I hadn’t been expecting to hear from him ever again, really; never mind a mere few days passing after what felt like our final goodbye.
There was a sense of urgency in his voice. It was strange that he hadn’t politely greeted Mo in return, instead just rushing straight to his point.
My head was a mess.
“Uh, yeah.” Mo mumbled. “You wanna come in?”
“Please.”
I jumped up to my feet as Harry walked inside, trailing just behind Mo whose eyes were so wide it looked like he was on the verge of exploding.
“Hi.” I spoke a little breathlessly.
“Am I alright to talk to you?” Again, he dove straight to his point. “I just need five minutes.”
“Sure.”
Mo was so awkward he didn’t know what to do with himself, stood gracelessly forging a smile and shuffling his feet.
“Umm, should I-” He attempted.
“We’ll go in your room, if that’s alright?”
“Yeah yeah, of course. Shall I put the kettle on?”
“I won’t be long, don’t worry about it, man.” Harry smiled.
I was becoming increasingly nervous with each thing Harry said, and each glance to Mo and his anxious frame. I was so frenzied that I couldn’t even possibly think of his reasons for being there, and I didn’t have the patience to wait to find out.
I gave Harry a gentle smile as I scurried through the living room, brushing past him to make my way into Mo’s bedroom and grant the two of us a little privacy. Harry followed quickly, closing the door behind himself as I turned on the spot, folding my arms uncomfortably.
He remained close to the door.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m alright. How’re you?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” I nodded. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m gunna go see my parents.” He answered instantly.
I think my heart stopped beating, just for a moment. I placed my hand upon my chest in the hope of feeling some kind of rhythm and was met with nothing whatsoever, a dull emptiness almost vibrating against my palm.
I felt a mix of things all at once. Happy. Sad. Relieved. Nervous. I was so glad he’d decided to go and speak to them, but at the same time I’d completely understood why he didn’t want to. What his parents had put him through, purposeful or not, was so awful that they probably didn’t deserve his company.
He'd only known about his brother for just over a week. Even though I’d tried to guide him in the direction of going to them and speaking with them and expressing his pain, I hadn’t expected it to come around so quickly.
“You are?” I could barely hear myself, my voice weak and shattered.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m gunna go this weekend… and… if things are okay I’m gunna stay there for my birthday.”
He would turn 24 on the upcoming Monday. I had briefly wondered how he planned to spend the day, and if it was better to throw out the gift I’d bought him months earlier or if I should just drop it at his door, and hope he understood that I’d meant no harm or pain with the present.
I was still unsure.
I sat myself down on Mo’s bed, struggling to comprehend what he was telling me, and having an even harder time attempting to find the right thing to say.
“Okay.” I nodded eventually. “I think that’s good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think you need it.”
“I think so too.” He finally admitted. “I’m fucking terrified though.”
“That’s okay!” I leapt back upwards and neared in him the hopes of helping him to ease. “It would be weird if you weren’t.”
“I don’t know what I’m gunna say.” He took some steps forward too. “I don’t know what they are gunna say and… I’m so scared, Ren. Because… I’m angry with them, and right now… I fucking hate them. But… what if I go and we can’t fix this? What if I go to see them and we can’t get past this? Because I lost my brother and I don’t know if I can lose my parents too.”
I wasn’t sure how it happened, really, but by the time he’d let out a sob I already had my arms around him, woven tightly around his neck, holding myself so close to him that I could feel every single quiver and judder his body had to offer, pushed up onto my tiptoes.
There was no way I could place myself in his shoes, or try to feel or understand what it was that he was going through. He didn’t want to lose them but he was so angry at them I wasn’t sure he’d really be able to face them or ever look at them the same way again.
I didn’t need to tell him that I understood or that I could emulate the feelings that he was experiencing. All I had to do was hold him, and it was all I could do.
I parted from him after some time, and he automatically bolted the back of his wrist upwards to get rid of the tears that stained his cheeks, his nose bright red.
“It’s not going to be easy, but if I know anyone who’s strong enough to handle it, it’s you!” I told him with an indisputable confidence.
“I need you with me.” He whispered, his eyes lifting from the floor and then plunging my own. “Please will you come with me?”
“Ar-are you serious?”
“The trains booked for Sunday and… I booked two seats. And I know having you there will help me to… stay calm, and… I really think I need you.”
The word yes was sounding over and over again in my head, because there wasn’t even room to question it. I had to go with him. There was no way I couldn’t.
And yet the sound struggled to break through my lips. I wanted him to know that there wasn’t a doubt or hesitation in my mind, jumping along with my gut feeling without a second thought, no matter the advice I’d taken just the day before.
Yet, it wasn’t as easy as I hoped it would be.
“You don’t have to-”
“Of course I’ll go with you!” I finally blurted. “I’m sorry, I’m just… I think you’ve just caught me off guard. Of course I’ll go with you, if you think it will help.”
“I do.” He nodded.
“You don’t think I’ll just make it worse? I hate the thought of making it harder for you.”
“You won’t. I know you won’t.” He sighed, wetting his lips. “You know me better than anyone, and you know… what goes on in my head better than I do! I know that you’ll give me the best moral support that anyone could, and fuck everything else that’s happened. We’re there for each other, me and you. That’s what we do. That’s what we’ve always done.”
He was right. We’d built and entire friendship, and then relationship, on the foundations of helping one another. The support between the two of us had always been solid, and I think it was hitting the two of us then that we didn’t need to be together to support one another. It wouldn’t be the same and it would be met with complications that hadn’t been there previously, but we knew that we’d be there for each other, if and when we really needed to be.
“Then I’ll be there.” I managed to smile.
“Okay.” He managed one too. “The trains on Sunday, at three. I can meet you at the station like… ten minutes before.”
“Can we make it like… half an hour? So there’s no way for me to fuck it up? I’ll probably be running late anyway.”
“Okay.” He chuckled. “Fair point.”
We took a few moments of silence just staring at one another.
Those seemed to happen more frequently since we’d parted, or maybe I just noted them more. When we were together, we’d share those moments in bed, and the words that would rush through my head were I love you I love you I love you. Like I could never say the words enough so they had to become a constant thought, too.
Then, the silence was swarmed with words unspoken like I miss you I miss you I’m sorry.
He cleared his throat and ended our gazing, blinking down towards his feet.
“I should go.” He grumbled. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, it’s fine.”
“I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Do you need me to bring anything?”
“No, it’s good. Just you.” He began backing away, turning around and placing his hand on the handle momentarily and then whipping back around almost instantly, and he looked frustrated. “For fuck sake, I’m sorry, but I need to ask you a favour. You’re gunna fucking kill me.”
“Oh.” I baffled. “Okay?”
“Don’t kill me.” He cringed.
“Well, tell me what the favour is first and I’ll decide my course of action.”
He let out another breathy laugh, running a hand through his hair, the words he couldn’t quite say causing his shoulders to stiffen. He’d completely put me on edge, and I had absolutely no idea what to expect from him next.
His fingers were still around the handle, his arm stretched behind him as he gripped a little harder as a way of prepping himself for his following words.
“My parents don’t know we split up and I need to keep it that way.”
“Okay.” I didn’t grasp it fully, at first. “What? Wait, what?”
“I need you to be pretend to be my girlfriend.”
I didn’t know what the fuck to say to him.
Part of me just wanted to laugh, thinking about all the shit we’d been through. Meeting at therapy, pretending to be in a relationship. Then moving swiftly onto burying my feelings and ignoring him, to a short friendship. Then I was living with him. Then I was in love.
Only a few short months later, and we were trying to pretend we were strangers and get over every single thing we’d been through together, only to crash back at the beginning.
“You wanna… pretend to be in a relationship? Again?” I gawped.
“I know it’s fucked up, and it’s a lot to ask, but…” He cursed quietly to himself. “But they will break, if they think I’m lonely. Now more than before. If they know that we’ve split… It might cloud this whole discussion we need to have, and they’ll just worry and stress over the wrong thing, and that’s not the focus right now. Daniel is the focus now, and my dreams, and nothing else. I can’t have them… knowing that I’m going through this bullshit with them and then… losing you on top of that. I just need them to think that we’re fine. I hate them but I don’t want them feeling…” He sighed. “I’m not wishing any pain on them, y’know?”
I nodded, completely understanding why it was that he wanted us to pretend to be together again, but it didn’t mean it was going to make it any easier. It had been a task enough in itself to perform like that over Christmas, but with everything that had gone on since, it was bound to make it twice as difficult.
I took a few moments for myself as he awaited my answer, questioning the differences there would be this second time around, whether we would share kisses and hold hands and be as friendly as we had been the first time, or if that would just be too hard.
I let out an awkward laugh, taken aback but knowing I would do anything if it meant helping him.
“I can’t believe we’re gunna do this.” I huffed. “It was mad enough the first time.”
The smile he gave me then, felt like the most genuine smile I’d seen from him in weeks.
He was so thankful. He didn’t need to say it. I knew he was.
“Head first back into the faux affair.” He breathed heavily. “I just… I need you now more than ever.”
“I know.” I nodded. “Okay. That’s fine. Okay.”
“Maybe… not as intense as last time.”
“That’s probably… sensible.” We both managed to laugh again. “We did get a bit carried away.”
“A bit?” He grinned. “You ended up living with me.”
It was nice to be laughing about the situation rather than crying about it. We took the humour of our scenario for what it was without acknowledging our feelings, just for a moment, and we saw the funny side.
It was nice. It felt good.
But it didn’t last.
Eventually, our laughter died and our smiles faded, and back came our emotions, and the thought of how complicated things had been, and how we might just be about to throw ourselves head first into a situation that we couldn’t clamber back out of without us getting hurt.
But what was going on with his parents, and the help he needed, was much more important than any of that.
“So, I’ll see you on Sunday.” I spoke after some time.
“Thank you, for this. I know it can’t have been easy for you to… decide to do this.”
“It was easy. I’m trusting my gut on this one.”
My gut had taken me to some dark places before. My gut had taken me down routes more challenging than I had initially thought they would be, and it had forced me to make mistakes that I couldn’t turn my back on.
But this gut feeling, was one I had no doubts about.
The gut feeling I had to care and support for Harry, was a gut feeling that I would never doubt.
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Embracing the Apocalypse 25: Bird on a Wire
Before I post the final installment of Embracing the Apocalypse, I want to say a huge and very sincere thank you to all of you who have read, liked, commented and otherwise supported this fic over the past few months. I seriously have loved hearing your feedback and ideas about the story, and I know that the experience of writing it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun without it so thank you all so much!
I don’t know exactly where I will go from here, but I know that I want to keep writing Negan fics, so hopefully you guys will keep reading ‘em! I may return to Negan and Rebecca (#Nebecca!) at some point, but I think I will be taking a little break from this paring for a bit, as much as I love them.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading as much as I’ve enjoyed writing this weird pile of words and attempts at jokes. ;)
Summary: Will Rebecca and Negan be able to convince the Sanctuary’s inhabitants that killing Julie and Ted is ok? Can Rebecca convince herself that it’s the right thing to do?
Word Count: 2,798
Content Warnings (or selling points?): Smut, Negan, Negan being Negan, language, death, and violence.
Part 1: The Tale of Thelma Facefuck
Part 2: What’s Up, Doc?
Part 3: A Successful Job Interview Begins with a Firm Handshake and Ends with a Salty Surprise
Part 4: A Crack in Everything
Part 5: Sorting Duty Sucks
Part 6: A Faint Whiff of Bullshit in the Air
Part 7: Turn and Face the Strange
Part 8: Poor Life Choices
Part 9: In Which Negan is a Total Jerk
Part 10: No Plan
Part 11: Negan Settles Rebecca’s Hash
Part 12: I know Where That Hand Has Been, Negan
Part 13: Gimme Danger
Part 14: The Loneliest Hours of the Morning
Part 15: Well, Fuck You Too, Kitty!
Part 16: That Escalated Quickly
Part 17: Well Fuck Me Gently with a Chainsaw
Part 18: Shards of Glass
Part 19: Donkey Heaven
Part 20: Morphine Dream
Part 21: Promises to Keep
Part 22: Are You a Killer?
Part 23: That the Hill You Wanna Die On?
Part 24: Keeping Up Appearances
Part 25: Bird on a Wire
Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8807527/chapters/23270409
Part 25: Bird on a Wire
The Sanctuary’s cafeteria echoed with the din of voices bouncing off of the concrete walls and rebounding over the heads of the building’s inhabitants as they waited anxiously for the announcement to begin. As Negan had promised, attendance was made mandatory for the town hall meeting he had called to announce the fates of Julie and Ted to his citizens.
“What was that about not being dramatic or making a show of this?” Rebecca whispered to him out of the corner of her mouth.
The couple stood in the shadows, on the far left of the large, metal catwalk that overlooked the cafeteria. The narrow metal grating, which hung several feet above the floor, served as a stage for announcements, as well as the occasional performance on Saturday nights from those who could play an instrument, even shittily. From their hiding place, Rebecca could see that the room was completely filled, and her stomach flipped at the thought of standing before all of these people to tell them that they had decided to condemn two of their own to death.
“It has to be done, Fuckface,” Negan murmured back, taking her hand in his to squeeze it, “I’ll be right here with you, doing all of the talking. You’re just here as Exhibit A. And because you’re fucking cute as shit, and it’ll help the news go down better than if I did it alone.”
It had been less than a week since Stephen had attacked Rebecca. She had healed somewhat, and no longer needed painkillers to get through her day, but she was still visibly scarred from her encounters with the less savory element of the Sanctuary.
Julie and Ted had been kept in the basement of the building, under 24 hour supervision by only Negan’s most trusted men and women, since that time. But the waiting was over now. Today was the day that they would atone for their crimes at the end of a gun.
“Fair enough,” she sighed, “Let’s just get this over with, shall we?”
“Whatever you say, Fuckface” Negan replied, leading her out of the shadows by the hand and into the centre of the catwalk.
As the crowd grew quiet at the sight of their leader, Rebecca felt her knees go weak, and she feared that she might faint in front of the sea of faces peering up at them. Taking a shaky breath, she closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself, as Negan began his speech:
“A lot of you probably people know me from the bad, old days,” he began, “The first time I ran this place, I was wrong about a lot of stuff. I used fear to control you because I thought that it would keep you safe. I didn’t respect your intelligence. I didn’t think that you, the collective ‘you’, had the brains to keep yourselves alive without some kind of negative reinforcement keeping you in line. I apologize for that. You’ve all proved me wrong.”
His voice was atypically calm and you could hear a pin drop as those assembled below looked on. Rebecca let her hands rest against the cold metal of the railing in front on her, the sensation drawing her back into reality and rooting her to the moment.
“When I was put back into power by Rick, I promised myself that I would find another way to lead you. I don’t want to punish anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I don’t ever want to go back to the old ways again. But, sometimes violence cannot be avoided. That is one of the sad realities of this new world that we’re building. Sometimes there are exceptional circumstances that call for punishment. And that is what I am here to talk to you about today.”
Placing a hand on Rebecca’s back, Negan motioned toward her with his head as he continued to speak:
“This is Rebecca. She came here not long ago from the forest. She had lived there since the outbreak, and believe me when I say that this lady has been through more than most of us could ever dream of out there. When she came here and joined us, she hoped for a better life and for a fair chance to make her way in the world. And she has. Since coming here, she’s joined the ranks of our Scavenger team and has proven herself to be a great asset to us. She’s helped us to find valuable medical supplies that will help some of you live better lives.”
He paused, Rebecca supposed for dramatic effect.
“But someone didn’t like the fact that she and I spent some time together and got close to one another. Julie, one of our commissary workers, took it upon herself to ask two men, Ted from the sorting team and one of my own Saviors, Stephen, to beat the holy fucking shit out of Rebecca one night. Her only alleged crime was associating with me. And she nearly died because of it. Twice. Because after they had beaten her nearly to death, Stephen decided that it would be a good idea to attack her with a knife while she was bedridden. I’m proud to say that Stephen is no longer a threat to any of us thanks to Rebecca’s bravery. She took the fucker out with her bare hands, even while recovering from her injuries stemming from the first attack.”
A murmur arose from the crowd, as a chorus of curious voices began. Rebecca felt as if every eye was on her, scrutinizing her, inspecting her body to see if her injuries were bad enough to justify the murder of a Savior. Had he really meant to kill her? How did they know she hadn’t instigated the attack? What did Negan mean by “spending time” and “getting close with one another” anyway?
“And that is why,” Negan continued, raising his voice above the crowd to quiet them, “We have decided to execute Julie and Ted for their crimes. Not simply because they attempted to take the life of an innocent woman, but also because they have shown no remorse for their actions, and I believe that they would attempt to carry out something similar again if they are allowed to live.”
The crowd roared up at them like an ocean wave crashing upon the rocks. Angry questions and abuse was hurled at them. Their words hit Rebecca like a thousand tiny knives, none of them doing much damage alone, but the cumulative effect causing her stomach to turn and bile to rise in her throat. She took a step forward and bellowed above the noise:
“Hey! Hey! Everyone shut the fuck up for a minute! I have something to say!”
The crowd grudgingly quieted, their voices descending to a dull murmur once again.
“Most of you don’t know me, but everything Negan said is the truth. I did come here from the forest looking for a better life. I came here after my fiancé died because I didn’t know what else to do. I love it here, and all I’ve ever wanted to do is to make this place better for all of us by helping us to get the things we need to survive. That’s why I wanted to become a Scavenger. And I know that Negan feels the same way that I do. He made some really bad mistakes in the past. You know it and so does he. But can any of us truthfully say that we would have led the Sanctuary perfectly, given the circumstances? Bottom line: He kept you alive. He paid for his mistakes and he changed because he wanted to change. Julie and Ted though? They don’t want to change. So fuck them.”
The voices grew restless and angry again, causing Rebecca’s heart thump in her chest until she thought that it would explode. But she persisted and continued.
“See this?” she gestured to the side of her face, which was still marred with healing cuts and bruises, “That’s where Ted kicked me in the head while I was already on the ground after he punched me and Stephen knocked me down, all because Julie told them to do it,” she lifted the side of her shirt to show the large swaths of bruising that still covered her ribs, “This is where Stephen and Ted both kicked me while I was on the ground crying for help. And this?” she lifted her leg over the railing and pulled up the leg of her shorts to reveal the healing knife wound, “This is where Stephen stabbed me the second time he attacked me while I was still fucked up from the first attack.”
The voices diminished and the room fell silent, and Rebecca lowered her leg back to its original position.
“We didn’t come to this decision lightly. Neither Negan nor I want to kill Ted and Julie. I didn’t want to kill Stephen, but I was backed into a corner. I had to save myself. And now we need to save the rest of you from the people who only want to disrupt what we are trying to build. If you want to go back to living in a world where power is taken by the one with the pointiest stick, and no fucking empathy for anyone else, then that’s your choice. But I’m choosing to help make this a place where the strong protect the weak. Where people who try to victimize and terrorize are put in their place, or put down if they can’t be reformed. I’ve said my piece, and I hope you believe me when I tell you that this decision is not coming from a place of hate for those we plan to execute today, but from a place of love for this community.”
As she stepped back from the railing, Rebecca noted that the room had gone silent once again. She looked over a Negan to find him staring at her in a way she had never seen before, eyes wide with an expression she couldn’t quite place. Looking out at the crowd, she caught the eye of Ryan, her old friend from the sorting room, just in time to see his face break into a smile as he began to clap. Eventually others joined him in applauding her speech, much to her surprise.
Not everyone clapped for them. Some people simply walked away shaking their heads in dismay. But the wave of searing hatred seemed to have abated, dissolved by her words and her story. At least for the time being.
Turning to leave, Rebecca felt Negan’s hand wrap around hers again as they walked from the catwalk’s centre, and back into the shadows.
“Jesus Christ, Fuckface. Why didn’t you tell me you knew how to do that?” he asked, eyes still wide.
“Do what?” she said with naked confusion.
“Make speeches. Calm people the fuck down like that. That was fucking amazing. You sure you weren’t a hostage negotiator before?”
“Pretty sure. And I’ve never done that before. It just…came out. It was what was in my heart, I guess, as fucking silly as that sounds.”
“Not fucking silly at all. Not ever a little bit,” he bent down and kissed her forehead before pulling her into an embrace, “Are you ready for the really shitty part now?”
“Are you sure you want me there?”
“Yeah. I think you need to be there.”
“Then I’m ready,” she said, as they descended the metal structure and made their way to Julie and Ted.
***
The walk to the field where the execution was to be held hadn’t taken very long, but it felt like an eternity to Rebecca. The still-warm sunlight of early autumn painted her shoulders and face pink as the delegation comprised of herself, Negan, Julie, Ted, and Chris walked in silence, finally coming to a stop in the open area of over-grown grass and wildflowers.
Looking into a sky so perfectly blue that it seemed hard to believe that today was the day that she would help to end the lives of two people, Rebecca noted a flock of birds passing overhead. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to take flight with the birds, and to leave her obligations to her adopted community. But, alas, her feet stayed firmly on the ground.
(like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, i have tried in my way to be free)
She lowered her gaze to look directly at Ted and Julie as Chris led them a few feet away from where she and Negan stood, making them kneel in the grass with their backs to their three captors. When the gun came out of Negan’s jacket, shining with a sick, dull lustre, she found it hard to breathe and her pulse began to thump in her ears. She could only imagine the anxiety that Ted and Julie must be feeling at this moment.
(if i…if i have been unkind, i hope that you can just let it go by)
Neither Julie nor Ted showed any emotion in their body language as they continued to kneel, even as Negan approached them, his legs rustling the tall grass. They must have known that it was coming, and yet they never wavered or wept. They only stared straight ahead in quiet defiance in their final moments.
(but i swear by this song, and by all that i have done wrong: i will make it all up to thee)
Rebecca stared on in wonder as Ted reached over to take Julie’s hand to comfort her as they waited for the end. Negan readied the gun behind Julie as Chris did the same behind Ted. Rebecca remained rooted in place, unable to look away from the scene or even blink. Chris turned his head to look at Negan and a slight nod passed between the two men as they coordinated their shots. The deafening blast of gunpowder ripped through the serenity of the day, propelling both targets forward in the grass.
Rebecca felt her knees give out and tumbled to the ground, tears falling from her eyes. She had needed to be here, that much was true. But she took no pleasure in what had been done. A sob broke the quiet that had fallen over the field, and it took her a moment to realize that it was her own voice making the noise. Everything felt so far away, the colours draining from the sky and grass, boiling it all down to chromatic grey nothingness.
(oh like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, i have tried in my way to be free)
And then he was beside her, a hand on her shoulder shaking her, bringing her back to herself again. Warm brown eyes peering into her and filling up the broken places, helping to hold her together.
“Rebecca? Wake up.”
His voice was like velvet in the darkness. Rebecca awoke to Negan looking down at her. They were safe and warm in bed. Though the night pressed against them, it was ultimately staved off by his arms snaking around her and pulling her close to him.
“You ok? You were making fucking terrible noises in your sleep,” he murmured sleepily in her ear.
It had been two days since they had executed Julie and Ted, and while the memories were easily overcome in the light of day, her dreams offered her a nightly replay of the horrid experience.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a nightmare,” she rotated to face him and wrapped her arms around him, trailing her fingers lightly against the small of his back, “Thank you for waking me up. They fucking suck.”
“I know,” he kissed her lightly, the freshly shaven skin of his chin brushing against her, “Go back to sleep. You need all the rest you can get for tomorrow. We’re off at the fucking ass crack of dawn again.”
“Good thing you’re a fucking morning person,” she mumbled, letting her eyes drift closed again.
The next morning they would leave with the Scavengers on a week-long trek into the surrounding area, looking for items they could use to make preserves for the fall and to build greenhouses for the colder months. Rebecca was tentatively optimistic that a Wal-Mart their scouts had spied a week prior might provide them with the supplies they needed.
“I’ll convert you yet,” he said, his voice fading down into a weak drone, “You just have to give yourself over to the change and you’ll adjust to it.”
“Turn and face the strange,” she sighed. They both drifted into the nothingness of a peaceful and dreamless sleep.
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