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viksalos · 1 year

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realizing i will probably never be normal about religion. every era of my life adds another layer of weirdness in this regard and i’ve been ruminating about it a lot lately, so i tried to list all my weirdnesses chronologically in the hope that it will help somehow. i gloss over a fair amount of related abuse and medical trauma so it’s ideally not *too* much of a bummer, but nonetheless it is still very long so don’t feel obligated to read. would appreciate a like if you do read all the way through though, if for no other reason than it seems like a lot of the time this history makes me feel i don’t quite belong anywhere other than in a random assortment of friends and mutuals lol

maternal family is Pennsylvania Dutch & Lutheran, grandma flees central PA to escape judgement surrounding her shotgun wedding to my grandpa/birth of my mom

mom has me, baptizes me Lutheran, then later has a change of heart and converts to Judaism, completes the process when I am 4 (thus by halacha my Jewish status is sometimes a matter of theological debate--I was born and raised by a Jewish mother, but she wasn’t Jewish *when* I was born)

dad suddenly gets really weird about mom “disrespecting our Christian heritage” despite not really practicing Christianity before, divorces her shortly after her conversion, they get joint custody so 1 week with dad 1 week with mom

antics ensue. on Mom Week we get taken to synagogue, on Dad Week we get taken to random churches including a black church one time (?? we’re white) and Xenos Christian Fellowship for a few months

tangent: look up Xenos Christian Fellowship if you want to head down an awful rabbithole sometime. tl;dr it operated as a megachurch while we were there but its true strength/horror lies in its home church & small group activities. it’s 100% a cult

we weren’t there long enough to get the worst of it but one of my clearest childhood memories is being taken away from the adults’ service in the megachurch to a side room for the kids’ service, where we were told that if every one of us converted 2 people tomorrow, and every one of our converts converted 2 people the next day and so on, the entire world would be Christian in a month. it is/was a factory for turning kids into little missionaries designed to spread the religion like a virus

both parents get mad or upset when I express any amount of belief in the “opposing” religion or nonbelief in theirs. another clear childhood memory of being *really* little in synagogue and deciding not to say aloud the words to a prayer--mom asks why and I said something like “well Daddy said we shouldn’t because we’re not *really* Jewish.” I thought I was doing the right thing and following my parent’s rules, now mom’s crying. felt really bad for that one

especially: no bat mitzvah for either myself or my sister bc it would make my dad mad. this is another theological wrinkle in my Jewish status also I think, especially because mom’s Reform so there’s no debate about whether girls should do bat mitzvot

teenage atheist phase. easier to just believe nothing at all, right? this neatly absolves me of having to deal with any of that previous war-of-the-religions nonsense, and the burgeoning New Atheist movement at the time allows me to have an online escape from my home life as well as encouragement as an aspiring scientist that science will replace religion as humanity’s candle in the dark. unfortunately the New Atheists prove to be dogmatic in their own ways, and bigoted in ways that people in the movement didn’t really seem to have the words to describe until the oncoming social justice movement finally splits them apart.

another memory: confessing to my mom that I didn’t believe in God, saying that all religions are harmful, when what I probably meant was that so far religions have been harmful to *me.* mom’s crying again, felt bad for that one again. but it was part of the unravelling of New Atheism for me and as a whole I think: their critiques of religion were mainly with Christianity, and they posited religion as the sole source of so many complicated sociopolitical ills, such that all other religions were thrown under the bus and rampant antisemitism and islamophobia was the result

(dad starts randomly saying he’s a Buddhist. doesn’t really change how he acts or try to teach us any Buddhist concepts or whatever, it’s just a thing he says. weird)

eventually (late college/early master’s degree?) (re)discover secular Judaism, and Jewish concepts of wrestling with God. decide to tell my mom and sister I want to start participating in some of the holidays and rituals with them again. joke that struggling with Jewish faith under adverse conditions (dad custody weeks) might actually be pretty Jewish. bitter laughter all around, understanding

move to Pittsburgh for my PhD, no longer have access to my home synagogue, don’t have time to join a new one, eventually the pandemic hits so I couldn’t even if I wanted to

get engaged to my now-husband. in-laws are Catholic; his grandpa was a deacon. mother-in-law is upset that we won’t get married in a church. mother-in-law is upset about a lot of things with me, in general. we are now estranged

get into dnd with my new friends in Pittsburgh. all of my characters are heretics or syncretists or outright zealots. surely there’s no reason for this

get into heavy metal because the blastbeats and mostly unintelligible lyrics help me focus on my work. metal really loves its Satanic imagery as an ostensible “fuck you” to Christianity, which I find compelling but moreso just campy & fun. don’t really think about it too hard for a while

have a really hard winter mental health-wise from late 2020-early 2021. get recommended Lingua Ignota around this time, probably due to the heavy metal and the mental health. here though I think, is someone who struggles with God in a way I can relate to. later in 2021 she releases Sinner Get Ready which uses central Pennsylvanian Christianity as a backdrop, in which my whole family story started, and which seems present even as it creeps into the outskirts of Pittsburgh. for these reasons among others it’s just really unfortunate for my brain worms

get vaccine, get married by my hometown synagogue’s rabbi as he’s the only clergyman myself or my husband are comfortable with. my dad does his part, walks me down the aisle, then sends me a letter during our honeymoon about how being Jewish is disrespecting my husband and it’s why my in-laws don’t like me. one week later on the night of Sinner Get Ready’s release, during my first listen, i burn the letter and mix its ashes with black dye for my first battle jacket

make more Jewish friends and metalhead friends, be mostly accepted by them. get one of my Jewish metalhead friends to take me to a lingy show in his city in exchange for me taking him to an Epica show in mine. joke that headbanging is kinda like bowing in prayer

make friends with a couple local shape note singers, and most recently--inadvertently end up being invited into both a secular Sacred Harp choir and a witch coven by one of them. (that this is the same person is so funny to me. she is also my labmate’s wife and was one of my bridesmaids. she is very dear to me.)

the witches let me light my hanukkiah at their solstice gathering. they think my impromptu battle jacket fire ritual is very cool; they do a lot of fire rituals themselves. (this is relieving because I was sure that telling anybody i’d done it would get me sent to the psych ward.) they lend me a book on Pennsylvanian folk magic.

so that’s where i’m at right now--haven’t even read the book yet.

#idk. the recent sequence of lingy show->hanukkah->solstice->christmas has me in a state of religious whiplash #and seeing questions about who can and can't light a menorah.#i did this year because i have for years with my family; and before that my mom did.#but suddenly ruminating on whether i'm *enough* for any given community had me crying again #i realize the answer is probably that i need to see if i can start attending the reform synagogue in pgh #but yanno idk if the rabbi will accept me. and the last time i stepped foot in there was when they were holding a shabbat service #for the whole city after the tree of life shooting #which is its own painful memory #and i def need to graduate from my phd first. i barely have time for ''extracurriculars'' as it is if i'm honest #anyways. most of this i've spoken about here in various bits and bites so some of this might not be new to y'all #but i'm also afraid of like. antisemites finding it and drawing certain conclusions about me or my communities in general #so yknow. please be gentle #turning off reblogs so it stays in my circle of lots of also religiously weird mutuals #i probably won't get this personal on here again.#text

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americankimchi · 1 year

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widomauk dying a fiery death is the only thing that prevented essek from getting a bad end send tweet

#personal #if caleb wasn't white-knuckling essek's collar in a desperate and almost selfish attempt to find validation in his quest for redemption #essek would've ended up either an enemy or a footnote #had molly been around to channel his supreme asshole energy into literally bullying caleb into not regressing into an evil bitch #and also providing some positive reinforcement vis a vis gentle social wall pinning etc. etc.#i don't know that caleb would've been so gung-ho about reforming essek #maybe he still would've been #either way it is what it is

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luminberry · 2 years

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Twin Troubles

More Jericho and Atticus shenanigans featuring me and @acorncake's sonas..cause i have brainrot for my own characters and cant help it.

its very self indulgent, so you were warned lol. this is part one with my sona and Jericho

It wasn’t often you got sent out for missions for SQ,usually helping back at base keeping things orderly and trying to go about your day. But after two or three missions had gone awry in one particular sector, 2B had pulled you aside and decided you were ready for more serious work.

You weren’t entirely made for the normal run and gun missions most of the grunts working under SQ were sent out on, fortunately this was something different and surprisingly well fit for what you were able to do. You never cared for guns much, you never really learned to use them outside of extreme emergencies..Instead you preferred other weapons, but considering everyone else preferred guns you were mostly out of luck.

Which was why 2B had introduced you to the odd secrets of the Magiturge, or simply put, magic of some sort. Surprisingly you were pretty good at it and picked it up faster with each passing day. Which is what landed you where you were now.

Doc had asked you and a few others to do some basic recon on a newly made group called "PrivSec". The most common knowledge was that they were generally a security business of sorts. You only knew about them faintly, they worked alongside Nexus and a few other mostly shady businesses that wanted to keep the public eye from looking too closely at their going ons.

They hired anyone willing to work and had a rather high turnover rate, which wasn't surprising since most who seemed to sign on were bandits and just about anyone desperate enough to risk dying in a gunfight. They looked fairly similar to MERC but a bit more organized on the surface.

You were sent to sneak into one of the bigger branch buildings with a teammate. The two of you were supposed to stay low profile and grab any info you could without setting off alarms if possible.

Unfortunately you couldn't just walk in given your..strange appearance compared to most other grunts. So that's where your new lil magical hobby came into play.

It took several tries and tests but you managed to perfect an invisibility charm of sorts for yourself. No one would be able to catch you if they couldn't see you to begin with. Your teammate on the other hand knew how to make herself non imposing to others, making them just assume she worked there.

Shadowing her through the front doors you broke apart, wishing each other good luck and starting on your separate missions.

Watching her wander off for a moment you stepped aside from the direct stream of busy working grunts to survey things before heading out yourself. Being invisible you felt relaxed for the moment, eyeing the few low ranking banditos stationed at the front of the building and nearby the front desk.

Among them however was a figure that made you pause briefly. A taller than normal cowboy in a faded denim long coat. SQ had made it grievously clear to avoid him and his twin counterpart at all costs..You remember his name was Jericho right?

He was currently talking with two stressed looking grunts in suits near the front desk, and curiosity got the better of you as you quietly made your way forward to listen in.

"I know y'all are worried bout them hoodlums from SQ muckin around these days but don't worry! Me n tha lads here know how ta keep things in order, I promise ya."

"Well Ranger Jericho that is what we pay you for! We've already had SEVERAL close calls with our sister branches, we absolutely cannot handle another break in. Nexus is already on our throats to reclaim what was stolen last month.."

"I know that, I got a crack team hunting loose ends down as we speak..y'all can rest easy knowin my boys are on that case. N I personally won't let anyone or anythin slip past me."

As he spoke his eyes moved to fall squarely on you for a moment, making you jolt for a second…There's no way he could see you…right?

"Hey easy there with that shortstack, y'all need a hand?"

You turn to see a grunt with several large packages shakily stacked atop one another just about to crash into you and the corner of the front desk. Moving aside quickly as Jericho stepped in to lend a hand you let out a quiet sigh of relief..You were still safe, he was just helping a very over encumbered worker..He didn't seem too bad, just if you weren't breaking the law you figured.

Shrugging to yourself you slipped away from the group to sneak into the elevators and catch a ride to the next floor and start your mission properly.

The second floor was quiet and somewhat dimly lit, you did come in fairly close to closing time afterall. The less people to deal with the smoother your end of the mission would go. Your partner however was working on a bit of a time limit and would finish up just in time for the building to close if things went alright.

Walking quietly down the long hallway you stopped now and again to peek into darkened rooms and rifle through files, taking a few here and there that held promise. You needed all delivery schedules and rosters the most, but account information and the like helped just as much you figured. If SQ could take supplies and recruits from Privsec, they'd start to fall apart from the inside out with time.

You weren't in any rush, you had all night to grab what you needed. And considering no one was up here yet you were relaxed while you worked.

Eventually you reached the last room on this floor.. ironically it seemed to be Jerichos office of all things. You were certain anything important would be here, the lights were off and door unlocked..for a Ranger he was very trusting of his co-workers.

Sneaking inside you closed the door quietly and pulled out your small flashlight to have a look around. The room itself was shockingly big..well given how damn big the owner was you supposed he needed a room to match his stature.

The desk was impressively built, it came up just below your chest, you searched it quickly only to come up with nothing to note sadly..Eyeing the large set of locked file cabinets next you moved to start picking them open one by one.

You weren't exactly skilled at picking locks of any kind but using a tiny bit of your magic to force it kinda counted as lock picking right? The tiny bright flashes lit up the darkened room around you almost playfully now and then, kind of like mini fireworks.

The first file cabinet held a rather bulky looking folder with several oddly coded texts inside…Well Doc did say grab anything that looked of interest and judging by all the weird symbols several documents held this was something alright. You moved to place it on the desk behind you when something caught your eye.

The office door was wide open, and you distinctly remember closing it behind you when you came in several minutes ago. Just as panic was starting to rise up the back of your throat you sensed something..or someone behind you.

But before you could even bother to turn around a very warm and heavy weight settled itself against your back, pinning you to the desk and then some. Warmth slowly bloomed over you as the stranger behind you squished you further into their gut as they settled against you and the desk. Large clawed hands lazily found their place at either side of you, trapping you in place before the owner spoke up at last.

"Might be a good idea for y'all ta drop yer lil cloakin charm right now before I start ta get a might bit angry."

The dark tone in his voice clearly stated he wasn't in the mood for fooling around, how he caught you without making a damned sound was unnerving enough right now. You dropped the charm as asked and hesitantly looked up as best you could at your captor.

Jerichos glasses seemed to glow in the faint light coming from the hallway, making him much more menacing looking as he stared down at you still pinned between his stomach and his desk. As he got a good look at you his glare softened before turning into a look of interest. Your blue outfit and matching bandanna got a soft smile out of him for a moment.

"Well now my sneaky lil bluebird, mind explainin why yer sticking yer nose inta things that don't concern y'all?"

If it wasn't for the fact he was more or less leaning halfway onto you and pressing you into his oversized gut, you'd mouth off about being called a bluebird of all things..But given that you were pinned by someone possibly two feet bigger than you who was very much dangerous to be around, you found your voice dying in your throat looking up at him.

"Hm, cat got yer tongue eh? Well why don't we fix that? Since y'all made tha mistake of fooling around in my damn office of all things….I think I'll have a bit of fun with ya."

"W-wait, hang on."

"Oh so ya did have a voice after all eh? Guess that'll make things easier. While I am a bit displeased with ya, I will apologize for this next bit..I know sudden shifts tend ta make a few folks sick."

"What? Wait no, please jus-"

You felt something lurch all around you..like you were being pulled backwards without even moving a muscle. The world tilted in ways you weren’t entirely sure were possible, the entire ordeal was starting to make everything go black at the edges of your vision. The brief pain of being pinned to the desk vanished and you felt yourself fall for a second or two before landing on a hard and cold surface. You hear..as well as felt Jericho hum to himself, satisfied with whatever he just did to you.

"There we go, much better. Sit tight while I get tha lights real quick."

Jericho sounded suddenly so much louder now, you felt him moving more than anything, distant tremors rattling your frame as a distant realization came slamming into you just as the light flicked on and blinded you.

Yelping softly you clapped your hands over your eyes for a moment, senses going on high alert you noticed Jericho hadn't moved yet..

When you removed your hands and opened your eyes you knew why immediately. You were stranded on his desk, now no bigger than a damned doll if not smaller..As for the one responsible he now towered over you at the doorway, grinning down at you as he waited for your situation to hit home.

"Well ain't ya just tha cutest that size? Lookin round like a lil lost bunny..Was wonderin what y'all were up ta when ya slipped in earlier..N now I know."

"W..wait you knew I was here from the start? H-how??"

How the hell did he spot you?? You tested your charm thoroughly before even stepping foot in this building..Jericho laughed at your reaction for a moment before gently tapping his glasses with a clawed finger, giving you a devilish smile.

"Can't outfox a fox sugar~ These glasses just ain't for looks, Atticus n I are fairly skilled at magiturge practices ourselves..Made these lil beauties ta help spot things that ain't quite right..Saw ya sneakin in from tha start n just decided ta play dumb n see what trouble y'all would get inta before steppin in."

So your mission was a failure from the get go…great. That meant if anything your partner was also doomed for capture as well if she wasn't careful. You backed away from the large stack of files..and tried to keep some semblance of space between you and Jericho, who hadn't stopped smiling at you since this all began. The longer you eyed that grin of his the more dread you felt in your stomach.

"..I guess that's why you shrank me too..? To teach me a lesson not to go where I shouldn't?"

"Sorta..but mostly just so I can have a bit of fun getting info outta ya, cute lil thing like yerself I just couldn't resist."

You paled a bit listening to him, you needed to run..or at least get away before he could get his hands on you. Eyeing your surroundings you could only try running towards the back of the desk.. hopefully the fall wouldn't hurt.

Jericho seemed to have other ideas about you making a run for it, a soft tsk reached your ears before you saw a hand looking out to grab you.

"I ain't blind my lil dear, ain't gonna do ya any good ta try n run from me now. C'mere n lets have a nice lil chat just tha two of us."

Backing up you tried to at least dodge the oncoming hand looming over you, ignoring the squeaking gasp that escaped you in your growing panic. In the back of your mind you knew it was a useless attempt, but hey who could blame you for trying anyways?

You felt the warmth seconds before you felt Jerichos hand reach you, in your efforts to try and get away you stumbled just for a moment, which he took full advantage of to knock you over. The air in your lungs was gently but firmly pressed out of you as the massive hand came down to pin you firmly to the desk. You could still breathe easily but trying to wiggle free at all proved fruitless.

“Now now, I jus got finished sayin there ain’t a point in runnin..Now lookit ya, tiny lil thing, I am gonna get some answers outta my lil bluebird or we’re gonna be here all night. If ya behave for me, I might even let ya go with a warnin. That is, if y’all behave n stop tryin ta run on me.”

“F-fine..fine I’ll behave..just stop squishing me so much already, your hands heavy!”

That at least got a laugh out of him, and the hand did move…only to be replaced by one finger as your tormentor shifted to take a seat behind his desk, forcing you to roll onto your back and look up and up and up into that smug grinning face..Something about him was making your face heat up and you hated it, unfortunately he seemed to notice this and leaned in while shifting to scoop you up between two fingers.

“Aw now ain’t that just tha most darlin lil thing..y’all light up like a lil light onna christmas tree~”

“S-shut up, just ask your questions and stop manhandling me so much please!”

He shifted to prop his head on a hand, elbow settling on the desk below while you were unfortunately moved so much closer towards that damned smug face. You really didn’t like the way he smiled at you, it made your stomach flip and seize up being caught like this.

“Aw c’mon sweetheart, I’m bein gentle with ya..Better treatment I give most lil thieves that I catch sneakin round my office. Ya actin like I’m bout ta snap ya up like some big ol’evil beast or somethin..”

“..W-well I don’t know what you have planned for me so of course I’m scared! You were already big enough as it is before you did this! Couldn’t you ask your questions with me being my normal size??”

“Well I could, but y'all might try n make a run for it my frightened lil bluebird. Better ta keep ya close at hand..Tell ya what though, y'all cooperate with me I'll let ya go with just a lil warnin like I said earlier..sound good?"

You gave him a very skeptical glare..which didn't exactly do much since he was still grinning at you being held fast between two or three of his fingers. You didn't trust him but you honestly had no choice here it seemed.

"..maybe, you promise to let me go afterwards?"

"Course! I'll let ya go right on yer way..all ya gotta do is play nice n I'll send ya on yer way right where ya gotta go."

"…fine, not like I can say no anyways."

You couldn't help but pout a tiny bit as he grinned somehow even bigger at you agreeing, feeling like you got yourself into deep trouble now as he started with some very simple questions. Knowing Doc would have your ass if you gave away info so easily to PrivSec…you decided to lie and only offer out half truths. He didn't ask you to be truthful, only to give information.

Several long minutes of questions and mild teasing later he seemed very satisfied with the info you gave him. He sat back in his chair, bringing you up along for the ride as he got comfortable once more. You didn't like how he had just casually manhandled you the entire time, like some personal fidget toy or something. You swatted a few times at his hand to get him to stop, only earning you a deep laugh and a half apology before he continued your line of questions..Frankly you were tired of it and wanted to leave. Your face still felt warm even now, you hated how he seemed to pick up on what made you flounder and fluster..You just wanted to leave and have nothing else to do with Jericho after today.

"Alright my lil bluebird I think that'll do me for now..Thank ya kindly my dear for being such a good sport for me for so long. I think I'm ready ta let ya go on yer way now."

"Alright cool..you gonna change me back to normal first right? I can't get home being this small.."

"Oh don't worry, it'll fix itself in due time my dear. Let's get ya goin where yer needed most."

"..why are you saying it like that..? Wait..wait what are you doing? Hey! HEY."

Instead of setting you down on the desk or floor he was bringing you far too close to his face..and opening his mouth up far too wide for your liking, making you yell and thrash in his grip. You knew something had been wrong from the start and now you were going to pay for not trying to run sooner.

"Well I said I'm gonna let ya go~”

He seemed to pause if only for a brief second to reach up with his free hand and gently cup your legs between two fingers, taking your shoes off with an odd level of gentle care before resuming bringing you back up towards his mouth. The weird action makes you go silent for the duration, mind focusing on the strange sensation of massive fingers gently encompassing each of your legs in turn to slip your shoes off and place them out of sight somewhere below. The moment the action is completed however, you snap out of whatever silence you slipped into to resume yelling at him, the action making him snort slightly in amusement.

“You didn’t say fuckall about outright eating me!! Put me down on the desk or something. I didn't agree to being your meal damnit!”

“Fraid ya did, y’all agreed ta me lettin ya go after we were done..Not my fault y’all didn’t quite ask for specifics here before we got started. Sides, y’all are still a lil sneak thief and I ain’t bout ta let that go. Y’all will get ta go home..after I’m done with ya that is~”

He seemed tickled at your angry thrashing and complaining, shifting to dangle you above his wide open mouth with another soft chuckle. You didn’t really appreciate being lied to so blatantly, or getting a very good look down his throat. Cursing up a storm at him to let you go, your voice shot up several octaves as he suddenly lets you freefall the last few inches onto his outstretched tongue and into his mouth with a screech of alarm.

You did not want to be in here, in a mouth of all goddamned things. Twisting around you tried to frantically climb back out, even risking grabbing Jerichos bottom front teeth to try and wrench yourself out.

All your efforts however only served to make him laugh, deep baritone voice rattling the empty space in your lungs and down to your very bones for a few good seconds. You let out an angry shout as you felt yourself being carefully shifted, hands being pried loose from their hold as his tongue easily scooped you up and back, forcing you to watch the world before you get cut off with a soft click of teeth.

Sealed away in hot humid darkness and now more or less powerless against Jericho, he took his sweet time tasting you. Gently rolling you about in his mouth with a happy hum or two, seemingly very satisfied with your taste as your angry ranting and fighting slowly began to weaken with time.

You only tried to fight a bit more urgently when you felt him shift to swallow you down at last, trying to blindly grab onto something to prevent your descent. Everything you tried to grab proved to be too slick to keep a grip on, forcing a frustrated and soft wail from you as you felt his throat grab firmly onto your legs and pull you down.

Forced into the unbearable warmth and pulled down along the strong muscles of his throat, you felt something from the outside follow your descent for a few seconds or so. It felt like an eternity was passing by as you slid down deeper, but you knew it was likely only a few scant seconds before the vice-like grip you were in suddenly fell away.. You landed on your back with a grunt of surprise..you were in his damned stomach like he wanted at last. It wasn’t exactly spacious or cramped..somewhere in the middle. You felt your new space shift and sigh as Jericho let out a long contented breath once you were settled in his belly at last. Hearing the world around you breathe and hum happily was..something.

That of course did not mean you were going to stay settled. After a moment of letting your situation hit home you forced yourself up shakily to your feet and proceeded to pound on the warm slick walls with all you could, yelling at your captor angrily to let you go. You tried to ignore how everything just seemed to want you to sink into its warm slippery folds, tried to ignore all the sounds going on around you now.

All your efforts seemed to do was make him let out a soft burp or two, quickly followed by a belly shaking laugh which knocked you on your ass.

“Land sakes darlin, yer a lil pistol in there ain’t ya? Won’t do ya any good though I’m afraid, I’ve kept worse in there..though none that tasted as sweet as y’all I’ll admit. Just settle down in there, y’all be fine. Jus let ol’Jeri here take care of yer sentence sweetpea, alright?”

“NO! I want out!! This isn’t fuckin faiiiir! ….please? I don’t wanna be food..I don’t want this..I’m sorry okay? Please just let me back out..please.”

Jericho sighed again..poor thing was sounding so upset, but laws were laws and the dear needed to learn that. He rubbed at the spot he could feel them pressed against for a moment, offering some comfort if he could. It tore him up sometimes how distressed and upset some folks really could get.

“Listen darlin, I know it’s a bit scary but y’all knew what y’all was doin was wrong. And this is y’alls punishment. I’m a man of morales and principals first and foremost..but I can tell y’all it won’t hurt. Jus be good for me in there alright?”

He could feel them still put up a bit of a fuss, much weaker than before at least. They eventually settled down like everyone else he jailed, he’d take good care of em though. They were a rather fun lil treat, tasted oddly refreshing he thought to himself..He’d have to keep an eye out for the lil hooligan, not that they were hard to miss looking like they did.

He’d be sure to give em an extra sweet send off, to make up for lying to them a little bit. Couldn’t help just playing around with em, so something sweet before they woke up would do..He could already picture their face lighting up that pretty shade of blue now.

Made him just want to do it all again~

#extreme cuddling #g/t vore #mawdness combat #g/t writing #fatal vore #implied digestion #the twins jeri n atty #fatal vore with gentle reformation #mawedness combat #g/t

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faeriefully · 1 year

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a good test of Christian love is fighting my pride when a friend tells me I am not a good listener/reader/analyzer when it comes to a teacher we have differing opinions on

#she’s telling the girl who was raised reformed and is an English literature major that she lacks proper analysis and criticism skills #Lord give me patience #and love #and gentleness #and humility #g.txt

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kumikocchi · 1 year

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meruem’s simp arc is too cute

#just watched him on his way to murder her and he saves her from the eagle attacking her instead <3 #what a gentle ant <3 #hxh #meruem #komugi #the true villain reform story #still will kill everyone and end the world but leave her at the end of it all <3

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sukunasstarlight · 1 year

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“Damn fish you live like this??”

#Yeah the depression hoard reformed.#to be fair I have been w/out my meds bc of insurance shit so I know and this is the first time I’ve had a depression nest since starting so #I’m trying to be a little gentle w/myself while cleaning it up rn #trash it! [delete later]

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drasticdoodling · 1 year

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see i am very attached to my tabris but surana mayy be becoming my primary warden bc her post origins/awakening dynamic with leliana is intriguing to me. bc she’s a anti-chantry blood mage while leliana becomes one of the hands of the divine

#liiike tbh surana with morrigan might make more sense. BUT. i like the idea of surana taking a long time to slowly open up to leliana bc she #expects leliana to reject her. and instead she finds that leliana is willing to criticize the chantry despite it being important to her.#leliana is kind and understanding and most of all willing to listen and talk- so surana falls for her #and then as justinia takes power as divine and leliana becomes more and more involved with the institution of the chantry the gentleness #that made surana feel safe and fall for her is slowly gone from leliana. and ofc surana doesn’t like that leliana’s a lot more actively #involved in an institution that has done little but harm amd harass her. but she still loves leliana and leliana would be assuring her that #justinia is doing the best she can to reform the institution #while that’s happening surana’s also getting more and more involved in her research for cures for thralldom/possession/the calling #which in turn worries leliana as 1. thats A Lot on top of grey wardening 2. blood magic 3. surana has a tendency to overwork herself #so like. theyre being pulled apart by different views and life direction and duties but they’re also clinging to what they view as a safe #and comforting thing in their lives. and also tbh surana does find it hot when leliana stabs people. she just is deeply worried about leli’s #mental health and worries that she might be put in a situation where she has to work against leliana #leliana has similar worries about surana except not as severe-surana hasn’t changed as much since da:o she’s always been a bit mad scientist #nimona surana

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bunny584 · 8 days

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For I Have Sinned

“Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God’ For God cannot be tempted by evil.” James 1:13.

But Father Geto can be.

Newly appointed Chaplain of the Noble Court, Suguru is a reformed sinner. Sanctity, discipline and celibacy are commandments of his choosing. A devout servant of the Lord. Armored with the Breastplate of Righteousness, the Shield of Faith.

This should be sufficient enough to withstand temptation.

Right?

Pairing: Geto x Female reader

C/W: Religious themes, dark romance, eventual filth. 18+. MDNI.

A/N: Holy hell. Anon, you sick, twisted genius. You, the puppeteer. Me, the puppet who writes. This one — this story might be the one. Frothing at the mouth to know what you guys think. Going on AO3 for sure. I haven’t decided if I will keep this long fic series here, but since it was an anon ask its only right to honor them with the first chapter.

Art credit: @ potchi_jpg on X

Music: Garden Kisses x Giveon (this was on a manic repeat for at least an hour. It wrote the chapter. I implore you to listen and levitate like I did).

CHAPTER I. Hello, Duchess.

Andesite. Dacite. Schist.

Gorgeous.

Suguru takes a mental note of the rock formations whizzing by just before he spears the Aegean Sea. Tailwind force trailing his feet in an elegant whirl.

Eh, mediocre landing. He’s out of practice.

It’s true. Seminary did not allow for too much idle time in between biblical studies. Devil’s playground, and such.

And it’s not in his nature to half-ass any life endeavor, whatever it may be.

Suguru deftly levels out in the welcoming waves. Loose-limbed and fluid. Choosing to hover below her surface for a few moments longer. The tail end of his thick, singular French braid undulating behind him.

His body flows in tandem with the current. Swimming deep enough to scatter a pool of Fagri. He instinctively captures one in his large hand — not quite as out-of-touch as he thought.

‘Make it to shore! If Poseidon calls, don’t answer Him, son!’

The gentle fisherman called out each time Suguru dove off their vessel. Still two or three, sometimes up to five miles from the coast, he’d plunge into the waters. Regardless of her mood, Suguru craved to be surrounded by her embrace.

To be baptized by her tide.

Showered with her salt of the earth.

A dampened smile blooms across Suguru’s terse lips. Oxygen bubbles float about, from the muffled chuckle escaping him.

His father’s voice rings between his ears. A little less clearly, nowadays.

He always dove deeper than his fellow seafarers. Without the restraints of gear or protective equipment. Unnaturally comfortable in an element more labile than human nature.

Suguru’s father mused about his Stormborn boy’s true lineage.

‘Everyday, I prayed for you. Begged for you. And the God of the Ocean delivered a precious gift. Don’t return to His storms too soon.’

Fond memories, a little yellowed now. Callouses from those days have faded.

Suguru is a different man. Born again. In a new country. With a new home, a new purpose.

Even still, it’s comforting to know the world is 70% water, 30% land. And the Great Majority has always welcomed him with open arms.

No matter the iteration of his life, he’ll always find a home at Sea.

“Father Geto!”

What?

Suguru begins his ascent. He is still by the cliff edge. Not nearly far enough for the Sirens to beckon.

“Chaplain! Are you out there?”

Not even the saltwater penetrates his ears like this melody.

An ethereal crescendo. With all the grace and beauty of a summer swan. Light enough to lull stoic men to a peaceful, permanent, slumber.

More alluring. More disorienting than the songs at sea he’s heard and resisted. Potent enough to drown a warship.

Who is calling for him?

Suguru chases the lethal sound. Careful pauses at each depth-level. To avoid returning to Poseidon’s storms too soon, as his father would say.

“Father Geto!”

Ahh, a voice he recognizes. His alter boy, Noel, at the peak.

Helios is kind, today. Because the Sun kisses Suguru as he breaks the surface. If the Ocean is his home, the Sun is certainly his lover.

“What is it, Noel?” He calls in between strides to the volcanic edge.

“You have a visitor!” A tremble to Noel’s tone. Suguru cant help the low chuckle that leaves him.

Adolescents are always so anxious. Nervous about the most inconsequential, meaningless things. He was once the same.

Who could be visiting? His schedule is supposed to be cleared today.

Suguru laments leaving his clothing at the peak of the cliffside. Tossing a glance over his left shoulder - memories of his past life tattooed in various symbols. His back, covered in a sprawling trident.

A permanent stain from the life he lived before this. It’s unbecoming of a priest to be seen this way.

Latching onto the unforgiving rocky edges, Suguru scales the steep terrain in long steps and short holds. Serrated earth digs into his damp palms with each grasp.

He savors the pain. It’s familiar. An indication that he’s spent some time in the only other place he finds unfettered peace.

“Noel, my schedule was cleared. Who could be—“

“Pardon my intrusion, Father Geto.” You seep into Suguru’s sentence, effectively answering his question.

Music.

Suguru nearly falls backward off the ledge he just set foot on.

Rumors about your beauty pollenated the compound for weeks. Anxiously anticipating your arrival. Hushed voices between maidens. Whispers within the walls of parlors. Bellowing gossip between court officials.

All the words, all the speculations roll around Suguru’s skull. Louder than glass shattering in an empty room.

They were wrong.

Liars.

Not even a tenth of the truth can be found in the frivolous ‘she’s a beauty’, ‘what a pretty face’ and comments of the like taking root in the compound.

No, no.

You were sculpted by every single Deity Suguru has ever studied.

Because the One he has chosen to worship couldn’t have possibly crafted you alone.

The good Lord is simply without the means.

Suguru will have to repent for that blasphemous thought later.

…but God granted him eyesight, no?

Eyes that can see underwater with the same clarity as a cloudless day. He trusts his eyes more than any part of his body.

And they aren’t deceiving him.

Flushed and turned away, Suguru takes a moment to soak you in, while patting himself dry. Maybe taking a little extra time to step into his khaki slacks and white button up.

His wind pipe threatens to spasm with each sip of you he takes.

Exquisite woman.

You could convert a non believer in an instant.

The gentle slope of your nose, those warmed soft, high cheeks deserve to be cherished in a museum.

That dress.

The tailor must’ve sewn it to your body in real time. Rolling hills and dips of your feminine curves. So quick to surrender to the ride your frame is taking him on.

Suguru could fall to his knees and praise the Gods right here and now for their attention to detail.

“Duchess? I’m embarrassed. Forgive my attire, I wasn’t expecting visitors today.”

Still damp but fully clothed, Suguru walks forward with a steady hand outstretched. Intentionally skipping eye contact with Noel, who would’ve interpreted the glance as anger. The boy is practically vibrating in his periphery.

Concerned about possibly making a mistake, sure. But if Suguru were still a betting man, he’d bet your presence is driving Noel’s rattled nerves.

“I’m the one who should be asking for forgiveness!” Unveiling your face to him with a gorgeous smile, you offer a delicate hand that drowns in his.

Well.

To call it just a gorgeous smile makes him no better than the rumor mill and its grave underestimation.

The air around him is sliced to a fraction of what it was. Suddenly gossamer thin and inadequate.

You are breathtaking.

“Please.” A deceptively even tone and casual wave of his hand. You wouldn’t know that words taste like sandpaper.

“How can I serve you, Duchess?”

“You do not have to address me as such, Father. I’m not wed, yet!”

Bunny lines along your nose deepen when you laugh. Heat scorches Suguru’s ears and you both are presently under shade.

Do. Not. Covet.

“It’s all the same.” With a restrained smile, Suguru peels his eyes away from yours.

Resting them on his rectory in the distance. He gestures his hands forward. Noel scrambles ahead of you two, undoubtedly to go tidy the chapel (that is already spotless).

“You’re quite the swimmer.”

You could assassinate him, you know.

With that voice of yours. The way it stuns his senses. Far more dangerous now that it isn’t dampened by unrelenting waves.

Suguru is a strong swimmer. He knows it. Noel knows it. The whole court knows it. Great Whites know it.

So why is his spine unraveling at its seams when you say it?

Why is his heart knocking against his sternum like it’s on the run from something?

From someone, rather.

“Mmm.” Suguru hums through closed lips.

Unable to acknowledge the compliment with decorum. He opts for diversion instead.

“Duchess, if I may. What prompted your visit to the chapel? How can I serve you?”

The two of you take lazy strides along the cobblestone path. You ogle at a white rose bush that Suguru is particularly fond of.

“I was touring the compound and noticed the garden surrounding the Church.”

A distracted response, while nestling your nose in a pretty bloom. Sun rays fanning your face as if to showcase that you’re God’s favorite. A biblical example of how flowers should be enjoyed.

Is it just the roses? Or are you this beautiful no matter the plant?

“Ahh. Come, then.”

You’re being indulgent, Suguru.

Maybe so. But the Chapel Grounds are his domain. The greenery lives and breathes under his fingertips. He adamantly refused a groundskeeper for the garden. Taking pride in nurturing its needy existence.

Second only to his eyes, Suguru trusts his hands fully. They’re intelligent. Fast. Expansive.

Definitive. Firm when the situation calls for it, yet gentle. Quick to learn.

Attentive.

He’s never gotten a shortage of compliments on his hands—

“Wisteria!” You torpedo through Suguru’s rapidly disintegrating spiral. And he couldn’t be more grateful.

Regaining a shred of control, he leads you under the oak archway. Draped in curtains of Wisteria. The billowing lilac petals sway romantically in the sea breeze.

Your lips hang open in a pretty, shocked ‘Oh.’ Eyes wide, gazing up at him in wonder. Adoration woven into those beautiful features slams hot and heavy into his lower abdomen. Remnant embers warming below his belt line.

Suguru coughs to reset his over-sensitive senses. A futile gesture because you knock him right back down to his knees.

“Oh, Father…..please?” A soft plea rolls through the slit in your lips. Pulling his eyes down to your pout.

Fuck.

The rock formation Suguru took note of earlier suddenly materializes in his throat. You coated his honorific in a new tone. Breathy and desperate. As if he is the only person who could satisfy your needs.

His skin is half a degree away from melting clear off his skeleton under those big, warm eyes of yours.

“Specify your request, Duchess.”

Both hands jam into his pockets so he can dig his nails into his thighs unnoticed. The searing pain tethering him to this dimension.

A deep rose blooms over your cheeks. Realizing you hadn’t actually asked him a question before begging.

So, prettily.

“May I please tend to your garden? It’s…I’m far from home and gardening brings me so much joy. Please, Father Geto—“

“Yes.”

His agreement comes well before Suguru is ready. Or, thought it through.

Should a noble woman be seen doing tasks as menial as gardening?

Should you be seen without your fiancée on his grounds?

What will you look like?

Kneeling over a bed of sunflowers?

Kneading the soil with your delicate, small hands—

“How can I thank you?” Your lips curl into an intoxicating smile. And Suguru no longer has the capacity to be in your presence.

“No need, stay as long as you like. I have to take my leave.”

Suguru offers a curt wave and terse smile before spinning on his heel. Leaving you, a work of art, beneath the masterpiece that is his arc of wisteria.

He barrels down the Chapel corridors at light speed. The pews, confessional, meeting rooms whirl by his periphery in a drunken haze.

Cold water. Cold water.

The wooden bathroom door creaks and wails beneath his harsh touch. Suguru fumbles with the two-level lock.

He nearly strips down naked. The fire incinerating him from within is unbearable. If there were scissors within grasp he would’ve cut his braid completely off. Because even the familiar sway of his waist length mane along his back is too much.

You are too much.

Suguru’s fingers unravel his braid and reposition his locks into a tight bun. Off the damp skin along his neck.

‘Father….please?’

Your voice echoes from Suguru’s incapacitated brain down to his drooling cock. Icy water splashes against face.

Suguru’s length has been weeping since you first revealed your face to him. Twitching and thrashing with every single word that came out of that pretty, sinful mouth. He’s never been so grateful that today he chose to swim with compression gear, rather than his usual bared skin.

Are you doing this on purpose?

Wide eyed and demure. But with a voice more beautiful than any siren that has tried to lure him to his watery grave.

Is this a test?

Suguru’s fingers desperately grasp the golden cross around his neck. Digging the symbol into his palm.

“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners…” He starts. Ignited, smoldering violet eyes staring back at him are unrecognizable.

They are not of God.

They are dark.

Lust filled.

“Now. And…and at the hour of our death.” Words slip through his gritted teeth. His other hand grips the sink edge.

‘May I please tend to your Garden?’

“God. Please.” Suguru is the one pleading. To anyone above.

For self-control. For reprieve from the shape of your lips when you beg. His cock bucks against his inner thigh. Demanding attention to the ache between his legs.

Are you Eve?

Have you come to destroy his Eden?

Your delectable mounds barely hidden beneath that fucking dress as the Apple?

“Holy…Holy Mary, Mother of God…pray for us sinners.” His vice grip around the cross tightens. Babbling words he hopes can provide him with some restraint, some clarity.

They don’t.

Because his other hand now hovers over the pulsating bulge in his slacks. His manhood starved. Especially having been deprived of touch. Of warmth for longer than Suguru remembers.

“Holy…Mary…fuck.” Blasphemy rolling off his tongue.

Scorching heat radiating from his hovering palm pierces his clothing. Encasing his cock like a warmed blanket. Enticing him like the soft sex of a woman. Every single muscle is under wire tension. Forcing space between his need and his hand.

His hands. Don’t forsake him now. He trusts his hands.

“Father Geto? Are you alright?” Noel’s call from the other side of the door startles Suguru still.

“I’m—“ Suguru clears his dry throat “I’m alright, Noel. What do you need?”

“I saw you run in here and—“

“I’m okay.” Suguru replies, more softly this time. The boy is almost too tender-hearted for his own good.

He doesn’t miss the small sigh of relief.

“I left your updated schedule on your desk.”

“And what would I do without you?”

Suguru can almost hear Noel smiling across the barrier. Gleefully padding away. Completely unaware that his presence was the saving grace from disgracing himself.

Another splash of cold water on his face and multiple deep breaths later, Suguru finally gains enough composure to emerge.

Curious about the updates to his schedule, he strides to his office. A leather folder awaits with his itinerary.

Saturday: 0800 - 1000- Youth lecture

Saturday: 1800 - 2000 - Evening mass

Sunday: 0700 - 0900 - Morning mass

Sunday: 1300 - 1400 - Pre-Marital Counseling [CONFIDENTIAL]

“High court, then.” Suguru muses to himself. Pulling out the envelope with a matching demarcation. Meant for his eyes only. Should the seal be broken en route to the recipient the offender could be sentenced to death for treason.

And at this moment, Suguru finds that fate less painful than the spear currently piercing his lungs.

His eyes burn into the names written at the bottom of the page.

The Duke Ahriman & The Duchess-to-Be.

Chapter II

E/N: Hello from [redacted]. I am literally losing my shite. I’m already in love with the plot before it has even fully materialized. And prince-of-the-sea-Suguru? This headcannon has me in a chokehold I fear. Thank you for reading 💋

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 1 year

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by Vanessa Le | You cannot pronounce her name. Our friends and family simply call her “Ba” which means “Ma’am.” No one knows her birthday; her mother died before she was two years old. She has not, has never been, and never will be, elected to any political office. She does not hold a position in...

#prayer #Gentle Reformation #Vanessa Le #Seeing Jesus in an Unexpected Place #gentlereformation.com

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thesassypadawan · 1 month

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Spring Has Sprung (Master Anakin x FemPadawanReader)

Summary: This isn’t how you imagined your first time would be like. You thought it would be romantic, loving. That all changed though when your master was infected by a sex pollen during a mission. Taking what he’s always wanted, whether you like it or not, and…showing you a side of yourself that you never knew.

Warnings: 18+ (minors dni), because of all the lovely smut. Sex pollen, hair pulling, rough sex, age gap implied (20 years), and Ani’s big dick. Padawan Reader is of age.

Notes: Happy First Day of Spring, lovelies!

“I’m sorry, angel… So sorry… I promise to make this up to you… To give you the moment you deserve…”

Despite his compassionate words, Anakin’s voice was low. Filled with lust, laced with darkness. A darkness that sent a chill down your spine, straight to your soaking core.

You let out a small whine as he slid in and out of you. Slow, teasing; pushing you further to your limit each time his hips pressed against yours.

With your ass high in the air, Ani kept his steady pace. Brushing your cervix with his tip, making you whimper…causing him to growl.

From the way his grip on your hips begins to tighten and how his thrusts grew more forceful. You could tell that what little of his self-control was quickly slipping away. That he would no longer be able to hold back. “Don’t be scared.”

This isn’t how you imagined your first time would be like. You had always pictured, had always hoped that it would be gentle…loving…the most romantic moment of your life. Instead it was being stolen away; stripped and reformed into something entirely different. Something more twisted and ugly. All thanks to the pollen…the pollen that had infected your master.

Well, at least one piece of your dream had come true…

He grabbed the back of your neck. Squeezing hard, enough to cause you to gasp out in pain and terror. “Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about this?”

Organic hand moved higher, burying itself into your hair. “About the way you’d look beneath me.”

Pulling harshly, he yanked your head up. Hips now moving at a brutal speed. Length slamming into you over and over while you whined helplessly. “The feel of you clenching around my cock.”

Mecho hand slapped your ass painfully and you cried out. A small flame of pleasure igniting inside of you. “The sounds you’d make as I break in your tight, virgin pussy.”

A moan spilled from your lips. “Yes…please, yes.” That broke off in a high pitched mewl as his cold fingers brushed your clit.

You can practically hear the smirk in Anakin’s voice. “Please, huh? Please, what?” He pulled your hair roughly, the burn on your scalp sending shivers down your spine.

He pinched at your sensitive bud, swirling around it. Your walls fluttered in response and a gasp flew from your mouth. “Master! Please, master! Break me in and make me yours!”

“Better,” he grunted, tugging even harder. “Now tell me, who does this pussy belong to?”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, the sting so overwhelmingly good. “You. It belongs to you.”

Removing his fingers, he lands another powerful smack on your ass. Pulling you up higher by your hair, he forces himself deeper. “What was that, padawan of mine? Couldn’t hear you.”

No words, all you manage to do is squeal in delight. Ani’s fingers were toying with your clit once more, his hips thrusting frantically. The sound of your obscene slapping only spurred you on, clinging to every inch of his rock-hard length,

Not answering him properly earned you a low, warning growl. Then a sharp tug, your neck snapping back. “Aargh! You, my pussy belongs to you!”

You felt his hot breath on your neck, followed by his teeth sinking into your shoulder. “That’s right, only your master’s. To cum and ruin whenever he pleases.”

No longer fighting your torn emotions, you let yourself get swept up in Anakin’s words. Your whole-body trembles, you clamp down hard. Fingers dig into the mattress and your toes curled. “Maaa…Master!” You wailed, your orgasm ripping though you.

Spent; you begin to fall forward, but are yanked back up. “Not yet! I’m not finished with you yet!”

His hand slid to your hip, squeezing it with a durasteel grip. He pounds into you without remorse. Bruising and abusing your poor cervix, while he chases after his own release.

It’s all too much, you’re so overstimulated. Tears stream down your face as the pain sets in. As the realization hits you…that you’re being used as nothing more than his personal cocksleeve. And maker help you, you have never been more aroused. “Cum! Cum, please! Want it! Need it!”

A loud groan filled the air. “Take it! Don’t you dare waste a single drop!” With one last forceful pull, he buried himself to the hilt. Cock twitching, shooting rope after thick rope deep inside of you. Filling you to the absolute brim.

Both panting, the hand in your hair slackened. Now gently massaging your poor overtaxed scalp. “I-I wasn’t too rough; was I, hatari?”

Anakin’s actions… His words… The pollen must have worn off...

Head tipping forward, you laughed softly. Relief with a hint of disappointment washing over you. “Nothing I-I couldn’t handle.”

Peace had fallen… Your Ani had returned to you… It was finally…

His grip began to tighten, hips slowly started to rock. And that voice; that voice filled with lust, laced with darkness muttered. “Good then you’ll be able to take much MUCH more.”

Tag List: @espinathena-17, @myheartwillgoon2022, @cacti5539, @wifeofasith, @princessswifie

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neonmoonster · 2 months

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“Of course I didn’t want you!”

Anakin recoiled like he had been slapped.

The anger he had felt only moments before towards the man in front of him dissipated and reformed into the keenest hurt he had ever experienced.

He had known this, of course—had known it forever, and he had prepared himself for the day the truth finally came out, building walls around his heart and forcing distance between himself and Obi-Wan for this very inevitability—but actually hearing it, actually hearing Obi-Wan say those words aloud?

Nothing could have prepared Anakin for this moment.

I didn’t want you.

Obi-Wan was still talking, ranting, but his words seemed far away, distant, like he was standing at the end of a tunnel, miles away from Anakin, who felt lightheaded, unsteady on his feet.

“—ster had just died, the Sith were back, and here was this boy,” Obi-Wan’s voice, tight and forceful, floated in and out of the air, “This boy for whom my master discarded me without a second thought, this boy, who was now my responsibility to raise and train.”

Anakin couldn’t look at him. Didn’t want to see the resentment in the set of his mouth, the long-buried hatred in the furrow of his brow.

“My responsibility—me, a barely knighted Jedi, practically a padawan myself.”

Obi-Wan let out a bark of disbelieving laughter, a sharp edge to it that sliced Anakin to his core.

“I could barely take care of myself in the days after Qui-Gon died, let alone another human being. And now I had the duty to fulfill my master’s dying wish to train this boy on the off-chance that he would save the galaxy.”

Do not cry.

Anakin willed himself to keep looking down, to stay impassive, to not raise Obi-Wan’s ire higher than it already was. If he betrayed how much these words cut him, how deep a wound they inflicted on his heart, then the magnitude of his attachment would be revealed, and that would only make Obi-Wan hate him more.

And Anakin didn’t think he could take any more of Obi-Wan’s hate.

Do not cry.

He heard Obi-Wan take a steadying breath, audibly reigning himself in. When he spoke next, his voice was softer, yet reverberated through Anakin's mind as if he had screamed them.

“So, no. I did not want you.”

He sensed Obi-Wan, his accursed, beloved former master, take a step towards him. Anakin stilled, a horrible thought overtaking him.

Would he strike him? Obi-Wan had never—would never—but he had also never said anything like this out loud to Anakin before. He had finally crossed the line.

Done the un-take-back-able.

Anakin had always walked a thin line with Obi-Wan, pushing and prodding, bringing out Obi-Wan’s frustration, his rolled eyes, dry jabs, and sometimes disappointed frown, but he had somehow avoided tipping the scales all the way over—at least, not until now.

Now, when he had finally pushed too far.

Fuck.

Do not cry. Do not cry—

A hand fell on his shoulder. It took everything in Anakin not to flinch.

“But don’t you ever think,” Obi-Wan said, the fierce passion back in his voice and Anakin’s stomach sank, sank sank. “Not even for one second, that you were not the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Anakin’s head snapped up in shock. The very thing he had wanted to avoid doing at all costs, but surely he had misheard, surely Obi-Wan had not just said what he just said—

“You are the best friend I have ever had,” Obi-Wan said, and there was still that hard edge to his words, but now that Anakin was looking at him, he saw that his master's eyes were not filled with anger-hate-bitterness like he had feared, but simple determination.

A serious expression, but one that was interlaced with a gentleness that Anakin could only describe as fond.

“It has been… the honor and delight of my life to teach you,” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin couldn’t move because the truth of it was ringing in the Force, unmistakable and passionate and firm. “And now to fight and live beside you as equals.”

Was Anakin dreaming?

A flicker of a smile crossed Obi-Wan’s face, like he was lost in remembrance and, oh, Anakin’s heart couldn’t take it, couldn’t handle this emotional whiplash, his greatest fear and most secret hope come to life over the course of a single conversation.

“It only took you about a day and a half to win me over. I was petrified every day that I would mess you up, leave you worse than I found you, let you down, Qui-Gon down, the galaxy down—but not once did I regret you. Not once would I have traded you away from anything.”

Obi-Wan squeezed Anakin’s shoulder and Anakin shuddered, letting out a choked whimper that he immediately wished he could take back, but Obi-Wan’s eyes softened, and through their bond Anakin could only feel kindness, affection, maybe even—

Obi-Wan's expression shifted once more, for the first time his steadiness in the force wavering, and he swallowed, appearing nervous, if Anakin didn't know any better.

"I do not always find it easy to express myself with words, like this. It is... difficult for me. But it appears that it is necessary today."

Anakin stared at him helplessly.

“I am unbearably sorry that I have ever made you believe otherwise. That you could ever think that you are not my favorite person in the world.”

Anakin could not stop the tear from falling down his cheek. And Obi-Wan Kenobi, high general of the Republic Army, one of the strongest, most respected masters in the Jedi Order, and Anakin's former teacher, gently caught it with the pad of his thumb and wiped it away.

"You are," Obi-Wan's voice came out rough and tinged with something that made Anakin's breath catch in his throat. But then just as quickly, Obi-Wan gave him a small smile, his voice clear once more, even dry and teasing.

“I hope that's alright with you.”

Anakin's answering smile was watery, but it could have lit up the entire galaxy anyhow.

#just a little writing warm up for the day #snippet #obikin #anakin skywalker #obi-wan kenobi #my post

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zepskies · 1 year

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Paring: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female Reader

Summary: You’re not a supe. You’re breakable. Soldier Boy sometimes forgets that.

AN: A more reformed Soldier Boy (AU post-season 3) has to come to terms with his strength.

Word Count: 1,000 Warnings: 18+ only for nudity. Also language and fluff.

“What the fuck is this?” he asks.

You’re still half-asleep, because Ben had been absently stroking a thumb across your back. He sits up against the headboard of the bed you so often share, already drinking a cup of coffee. He looks damn-near domestic…

Until he actually looked down at the bruises peeking out at him from beneath the sheets. He sets down his mug and pushes the sheets down.

He then stares at the marks that litter your back, waist, hips, and ass. You shoot him an annoyed look at being bared so early in the morning.

“What’re you doing?” you ask.

He manhandles you just firmly enough to turn you over so he can see your face—out from where it had been buried in your pillow. Despite yourself, you greet his annoyingly handsome face. It's covered with neatly trimmed stubble, and with the back of your hand you touch his cheek in affection. He pushes it away.

“You got something to tell me?” he says, more of a demand than a question. “Answer me. What the fuck happened here?”

He gestures at a prominent dark-bluish mark on the inside of your thigh. You sigh and give him a patient look (and that is an effort in itself).

“Nothing,” you reply. A cheeky smile starts to play at your lips, but Ben’s brows furrow in irritation. He knows you’re messing with him, and he doesn’t appreciate it.

“You work at a damn desk. Unless you’re getting nailed by the mail guy—”

“Get fucking serious, Ben.” You dismiss that with a roll of your eyes. He tilts his head at you. His mouth works, and his gaze becomes suspicious. But you notice an edge of worry behind his eyes.

Has someone hurt you? Threatened you?

It hasn’t been the first time the latter had happened. Even though Soldier Boy was officially pardoned and now works as a contracted ally with Supe Affairs, he still has plenty of hated enemies. It doesn’t help that you also work in the thick of it—running surveillance for the team.

So you decide to put him out of his misery.

“You really don’t remember?” you ask wryly.

At Ben’s raised brow, your lips quirk at the corner.

“You don’t remember two days ago? When you met me at my office for lunch, which consisted of you rudely sweeping all my hard work to the floor and ultimately breaking my new desk?”

Realization lights up Ben’s face, and his mouth edges into a smirk.

“We were breaking it in,” he corrects you.

Good times, he thinks, before another, less fun realization hits him: his hands are responsible for the patchwork quilt of bruises that litter your skin.

And he remembers, yet again, that he has the very real capacity to hurt you.

You notice how he takes pains to be gentle, slowly brushing the back of his hand across your thigh.

“It’s not the first time,” you remind him.

“It could be the last,” he reminds you. Your face doesn’t change.

You won’t take compound V. Not for him. Not for anyone.

But with shit like this, he wonders why you stay with him.

“It’s good for you to remember your own strength,” you say, only half-teasing. He turns away from you.

Ben grumbles, “You wanna gamble with your fucking life, that’s up to you.”

You shake your head.

“Don’t do that.” You lean on his shoulder from behind and caress his back—smooth of any scars. You can’t help but prod at him again. “Real men don’t sulk.”

He shoots you a look over his shoulder. You giggle at his green-eyed annoyance.

The truth is, you make it difficult for him not to care. Not to be a softer man.

He fucking hates soft.

But…just for you, he could do it. Just a little.

He closes his hand over yours, which rests on his chest.

“Sorry,” he says. His voice is deep and holds the weight of his sincerity. That one word also encompasses how much progress his relationship with you has made.

Instead of answering, you kiss his shoulder, the back of his neck. He turns around and strokes your cheek, knowing from your eyes that you don’t hold anything against him.

“You don’t have to treat me like a porcelain doll, but I don’t need to look like a checkerboard either,” you tease.

Ben rolls his eyes and slides his arms under you, pulling your naked body onto his bare chest and making you squeal. You meet his eyes as his hand soothes down your back.

“How about this,” he says. “Come up with a safe word.”

You laugh. “We already have one.”

“That’s for other shit,” Ben says, grinning. “Let’s have one just for this. Whenever you wanna remind me to tone it down.”

His hands are careful when they grasp a non-aching portion of your hips. You look down on him fondly, and you consider his suggestion.

“Hmm…pineapples,” you decide. It’s the first obnoxious thing that comes to mind.

“No,” he says. “Veto.”

“What? You can’t veto. It’s my safe word.”

“I’m not gonna be balls deep inside you hearing pineapples in my ear.”

You shake your head at your boyfriend and frame his face with your hands, squeezing his head in exasperation.

“Fine. How about…checkers,” you suggest. A teasing smile comes to your face, even if it pulls his lips into a frown. “So you remember we had this conversation.”

You can tell he doesn’t entirely like it, but he nods in agreement.

“Good. Now, care to join me for a bath?” you ask. Ben is reluctant; he knows you’re going to pour in a shit ton of frilly-smelling soap and bath salts that feel uncomfortable to sit on. But he’s open to the bath time shenanigans that usually ensue.

“I am still a bit sore,” you say, giving him an imploring look. He levels you with a knowing frown. Using his guilt against him is a dirty tactic, and you always employ it well to your advantage.

“Fine. But we’re using regular fucking soap,” he says. You smile and press a lingering kiss to his lips.

But you both know that the second his back is turned, you’re going to dump in your lavender-scented bath bubbles anyway.

AN: I found this basically sketched out in my files and decided to clean it up and put it out there! Let me know what you think. I know it's a much softer Soldier Boy than we're used to seeing. ;)

Read the Prequel:

If you liked this, check out the prequel series to this one-shot:

Series Masterlist: Break Me Down

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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