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#HE JUST KEPT GOING
realpokemon · 10 months
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got run over by one of the guys who bike back and forth in front of the daycare for 8 hours a day while carrying dozens of eggs
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watchyourbuck · 1 month
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I don’t ever wanna hear anybody say that Firefighter Buckley doesn’t have leadership skills,,, that man single-handedly saved the entire 118 then went home and delivered a baby ???????
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neilsracquet · 1 year
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neil when asked about the riko roast
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mariana-oconnor · 5 months
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Not news to anyone, but Paul Hollywood is a gigantic git. That was unnecessary.
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lorereadsclassics7 · 2 years
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September 3rd
Van Helsing: And John? What does he know of young ladies?
Seward: Hey now-
Van Helsing: John? John Seward? Couldn't find his way with a lady if you gave him a map-
Seward: I said hey now-
Van Helsing: No, no, we must send him away, this conversation is only for people like you and me. Not look of heavy mistrust for the likes of him.
Seward: Abraham pls-
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tinakibed · 2 years
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george: are you crying?
dream: no
george: do you need your diaper changed?
dream: yeah
george: did you fill it up again?
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uglypastels · 1 year
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I was joking about having a menty b but i just (almost) started crying because a teacher asked me a question in class
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"It's been a long time, Young Master. When combing your fine, soft hair, when closing every single button of your shirt... I was always close to tears and burned with love and longing. Now it has finally come... that moment. Well then, bon appetit" ouggggg Im gonna be thinking about that for whileeeeeee. Very glad that I completely missed these post-episode stingers during my sebaciel era because if I heard that I think I wouldve straight up died
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sleepyhateno · 8 months
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nerdpoe · 3 months
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Dick gets his drink mixed up with another persons in the library while visiting Barbara.
He was drinking some kale smoothie thing, for health and stuff, and he set it down to grab a book from the shelf. There was another guy next to him, who also had a smoothie in the same kind of shake-n-go bottle.
They swapped by accident.
Dick checked out his book, said goodbye to Barbara, and took a sip of his smoothie.
That's the last thing he remembers.
He wakes up two days later pinned down by a practically feral Jason, who's eyes are glowing a sickly Lazarus green, with Bruce, Tim, Cass, and Duke all showing signs of losing a fight. He's sore everywhere, and Damian is nowhere to be seen.
"Uh...." his voice cracks, and he's suddenly aware of how fucking painful his throat is. "Hi? What's going on?"
"...Is it really you, Dickwing? I swear to God if it isn't and this is another-"
"Jay I really don't know what's going on, man."
Jason doesn't believe him. Dick is cuffed with anti-meta cuffs and escorted to the cave, where Bruce demands test after test and Dick tells them the last thing he remembers.
Apparently, after taking that sip, his eyes had turned to Lazarus green, and he had beelined for the mansion. Along the way there, he had run into the Riddler.
He had broken most of the Riddler's bones.
That was when everyone had been called in to subdue Dick, who for some strange reason kept gunning for Damian. Hence, Damian was upstairs and not allowed down until they were sure Dick was okay again.
It's concluded that Dick drank some alternate form of Lazarus Water, lost his mind, proceeded to take everyone out with enhanced strength and speed except Jason, who had entered a Pit episode just to keep up, and worked through it two days after consumption.
But who the fuck transported a material as dangerous as modified Lazarus Water in a fucking shake-n-go bottle?
Danny, however, is a little sad that his ecto-shake was stolen by some rando at the library.
Their kale smoothie was pretty good though.
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vigilskeep · 8 months
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took wyll out for the first time this run and he literally can’t stop flirting with lae’zel. relatable king
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itsafreetrialofdeath · 4 months
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master tacticians at work
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zutarawasrobbed · 2 months
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I’m sorry, but the Netflix showrunner referring to Kataang as an “issue to tackle” in the future is some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read/heard.
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turtleblogatlast · 2 months
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I’ve remembered that colors exist
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puppetmaster13u · 3 months
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Prompt 185
No one could get into contact with Constantine. 
Now usually that wasn’t that big of a deal, the man constantly disappeared for a few days at a time doing something or other, but he’d been completely silent and unseen for months. Usually he’ll at least answer a call to tell them to fuck off or something. 
And they really need his expertise and are getting incredibly worried for their grumpy team member. Yes he’s an asshole, but he’s their asshole, y’know? And he has a habit of getting into Situations (sure he also usually gets out of them, but what if he didn’t this time?!) 
So they’re desperate. Kind of really desperate. Desperate enough to use the summoning sigil they found on his fridge. They’d checked it, multiple times, and it should summon the hellblazer. 
“You’re not Constantine.” . 
The white-haired teen in the circle yawned, stretching and blinking at them blandly with familiar blue eyes before sighing. “Actually I am,” he stuffed his hands into his hoodie as he looked down at the summoning circle. “Well, technically just one of the many Laughing Magicians currently in the Realms.” 
He gave a grin, looking more amused than annoyed. “Pretty much every one of us is in the Realms right now for family reunion lol. (Did he just say lol out loud??) So like, you’re gonna have to specify which of us you’re tryin’ to summon. Honestly perfect timing for me thanks, the fruitloop keeps flirting with John and it’s horrific so.” 
… That was probably their John, wasn’t it…
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transgendz · 1 month
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My roommate and I are financially unstable while he does through a long, complicated diagnosis process that started as we stopped being homeless. I just got a job, and it's going to pay well and allow us to get caught up and stable, but I don't get my check for a week and a half. We have rent due on the 1st, our storage bill due at the end of the month, and we are out of food.
Dm me for proof or details
I will do art for anyone who gives, just message me @theartistrans I also take commissions there.
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Dm me for zelle
$creepiecrippl
V
PP
$0/$900
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