#Helps me identify mental self-harm

[canichangemyblogname]

When I started therapy, I was actually hung up on the fact that I didn't seem to have ever experienced dysphoria, which is a lie that has its origins in part in the fact I had no fucking clue what dysphoria actually is. I've since found that it's actually kinda hard to explain, and that's why these narratives that dysphoria is when trans people are revulsed by their body and agab, or when they "hate" their past self, persist. It's also why these "trapped in" bodies and "wrong" bodies narratives exist.

Like. I'm in my body. My body is my body. My consciousness isn't in another person's body; it's in my own. And I know myself. I know myself well enough to know that I am not a woman despite society telling me that my bits, pieces, and parts "make" me one. And how else do I explain this to someone with no frame of reference for this? I liken it to "Freaky Friday," despite the fact that's- technically- what it isn't? It’s like having an out-of-body experience. You're looking at your body. You know it's your body. But there's also a disconnect. Something's missing, and something's there that makes no sense.

I also don't think I could ever hate the girl my parents tried to raise or the woman I wanted so desperately to be. That wouldn't be very kind to me. She really tried her damnedest. And she's not "dead" because she's a vital part of my past. I, quite technically, wouldn't be trans if "she" never existed. I'd be a cis man if I was never afab. "Trans" is an important part of my lived reality.

Was I ever a "girl"? A part of me still has no idea. I know I truly believed I was, but the reasons I believed I was weren't healthy.

I held on to a lot of sex-essentialist ideas for a good portion of my youth. Why? It was all that connected me to the identity society and my family was trying to raise me into. When my cousin gifted me a uterus pin with the words "Women's rights" on it, I wore it proudly. It was a very tenuous connection to womanhood, and it was a connection I needed to critically rethink when my mother and grandmother were both diagnosed with cervical cancer (I was 11). I knew that it ran in my family and that, one day, I might need to go through the same surgery they did just to live.

I asked my mom what connected her to womanhood, and she replied: motherhood. I was never, ever going to be a mother, so I returned to the drawing board. I asked my grandmother what connected her to womanhood, and she replied: standing up to violent men and men who denied her and other women the opportunity to work; community. And I realized that I had never been extended the same community my grandmother always had been. Part of the disconnect I felt was due to violence (sexual and not) I had experienced in single-sex, "women's only" spaces. Girls in "girl's only" spaces made it clear that I was not welcome, and, at the time, I didn't understand why they singled me out and picked on me.

Even though my family was trying to raise me as a girl, the society around me saw me as nothing more than a "failed" girl. I was an "unwoman," not "woman enough," for reasons such as what I preferred to wear. But it's not like in marking me as "unwoman," they made me into a man, far from it. They sorted me- on the basis of my queerness- into some other third category. Something of a eunuch.

And it seemed like the only thing I had was some sex-essentialist, cisgender pretense (I absolutely loved the linked blog post as I found it quite striking, even though I was *never* trans-exclusionary, and I never supported those ideas about trans people) to sort of reassure myself that I belonged in society. Every time I usurped or rebelled against our sex/gender norms, I would work to distract myself from how I constructed my body into a binary and thus ignore how being made into a girl was wrong for me. I literally disconnected myself from parts of my internal self & internal thoughts, and I denied myself the opportunity to construct an identity. I was constantly gaslighting myself and consistently engaged in thought-stopping. In part because I was terrified of being "different."

I so desperately wanted to be just like every other girl that I ignored the fact that I likely never was (and that there is no such thing as universal woman/girlhood). With that realization, I could hear the words of my school-yard bullies from years ago, words which, it seems, many trans masc people have heard in their lifetime, "What's wrong? We're all girls here, aren't we? We're all alike."

I've been unable to recognize my own dysphoria because I have spent my whole life purposefully ignoring and distracting myself from those moments of "huh. something's off." I spent some 23 years of my life essentially disassociating from myself (I'm 26 now). I felt detached from my body and detached from the world around me. It felt as if everyone else was moving, but I was floating in place. I disconnected myself from my thoughts and emotions in an attempt to be accepted by a society that finds queerness disgusting.

I literally felt like I was watching my life and body unfold without my consent rather than me unfolding it myself. So, I liken my experience to "Freaky Friday" because that's also what it is.

#TW: depersonalisation #TW: assault #TW: dissociation #TW: transphobia #this is what therapy is for #It’s been healing to start to recognize what moments are dysphoria #Which might seem counterintuitive #Like. Why would I want to learn to recognize the moments of distress that come from an incongruence between my identity & body? #It’s so that I can better address them #And learn better coping mechanisms to deal with my mental distress #Help lessen some of my internal self-perception issues (very hard on myself mentally & not physically) #Helps me identify mental self-harm #Mental self-harm is not a way to process my distress. It only stresses me further 😅 #Gender journey

[lovinterstellar]

NEW YEAR, NEW ME

this is a collab w the it girl @prettieinpink !!

HABITS TO IMPLEMENT 

Movement (yoga, running, Pilates, walking, gym, etc. Anything that allows you to move your body 

Reflection- make a note of things you would like to improve on. This could be self-love, relationships, 

STAY CONSISTENT

Consistency is key. Make sure to stick to your plan and keep working towards your goals every day. Even small steps are progress. Try to make your goal part of your daily routine. 

HOW TO STAY CONSISTENT 

SCHEDULE- Setting schedules helps really well with consistency. Make a schedule for the tasks you need to do daily or weekly to achieve your goals. This can help you make your goals a part of your routine, making it easier to stay consistent.

STAY ORGANIZED- Keep track of your tasks and goals. Use tools like calendars, to-do lists, or apps to help you stay organized and remember what you need to do.

DISCIPLINE YOURSELF- Sometimes, you won't feel like working towards your goals, and that's okay. The key is to maintain discipline and do the task anyway. Remember, consistency is about doing the task regularly, not just when you feel like it.

START SMALL- Don't overwhelm yourself with huge tasks. Start small and gradually increase your workload as you build consistency.

DON’T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF- If you miss a day, don't beat yourself up. Instead, acknowledge that it happened, understand why, and move on. Consistency is about long-term progress, not perfection.

CREATE A PLAN

Once you know what your goals are, create a step-by-step plan on how to achieve them. Break down each goal into smaller, manageable tasks. This might involve creating a timeline, setting deadlines, or identifying resources or tools you might need.

LEAVE THINGS IN THE PAST 

In 2023, I’m sure everyone has had ups and downs, but not letting them define you as a person is something that has to be done in order for you to become a new person.

HOW TO LEAVE THINGS IN THE PAST

ACCEPTANCE-  Acknowledge the past and accept it as part of your life story. Understand that it's something that has shaped you but doesn't define you.

FORGIVENESS- Forgive yourself and others. Holding onto resentment only harms you. Letting go of grudges can bring a sense of peace and open up space for healthier relationships.

LEARN FROM IT- Every experience, good or bad, is an opportunity to learn. Reflect on these experiences and use them as stepping stones to better decisions in the future.

FOCUS ON THE PRESENT- The past is unchangeable, but the present is in your control. Concentrate on what you can do now to create a positive future.

SET NEW GOALS- Create new objectives for yourself. This gives you something to work towards and helps shift your focus from the past to the future.

PRACTISE MINDFULNESS- Mindfulness is about staying focused on the present moment. Practices like meditation can help you stay grounded and prevent you from dwelling on the past.

ADJUST YOUR PLAN AS NEEDED

It's okay if your initial plan doesn't work out exactly as you thought. Life happens, and it's important to be flexible and adapt your plan as needed. If you find that a certain approach isn't working, don't be afraid to try something different.

PRACTICE SELF CARE

Remember to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising regularly, and taking time to relax and do things you enjoy. Don't forget that self-care is an important part of reaching your goals.

WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF CARE-

BALANCED DIET-  There is no need to restrict yourself from foods but eating a healthy, balanced diet is crucial for maintaining physical health. Try to include plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains in your diet.

EXERCISE REGULARLY- Regular physical activity can help reduce stress, improve mood, and boost overall health. This doesn't necessarily mean going to the gym - it could be anything from a brisk walk to a yoga class

GET ENOUGH SLEEP-  Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Establish a regular sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine to improve sleep quality.

STAY HYDRATED-  Drinking enough water each day is important for overall health. Try to aim for at least 8 glasses per day.

TAKE BREAKS- Make sure to take regular breaks throughout the day, especially if you're working or studying. This can help prevent burnout and improve productivity.

DO THINGS YOU ENJOY- Make time for hobbies or activities you enjoy. This could be anything from reading a book to playing a sport to painting. 

  CELEBRATE SMALL THINGS

Don't wait until you've reached your big goal to celebrate. Celebrate small wins along the way to keep your motivation high. This could be treating yourself to something you enjoy, or simply taking a moment to acknowledge your achievement.

REFLECTING ON THE PAST YEAR

Think about how the past year went. Did you learn anything? Did you reach new goals? If you don't the answers to these questions, I recommend further examining your year!!

#girlblogging #bloombabydoll #girlblog #pink pilates princess #girl blogger #it girl #self care #green juice girl #improving her #goal setting #self improvement blog #self improvement #becoming her #becoming the best version of yourself #new years

[nailisaa]

the 3d has to conform.

  hi everyone! i just came on here to say that today, as i was manifesting, something i didn’t appreciate happened in the 3d. nothing too serious, it’s just that it was unexpected. i want to share with everyone what i do when this happens, and i hope with this i can help somebody out there.

    i’ve been in the manifestation community for three years, so it has gotten easier and easier to deal with bad 3d circumstances because i know it isn’t permanent. however, in the beginning i was still in the toxic type of law of attraction mindset and focused on a lot of tarot readings, high frequencies, etc. basically everything that the basis of law of assumption doesn’t give a shit about. it was beliefs like, “the universe might not give you what you want because they decide” or “you need to be positive always in order to get what you want,” that really made me give away my power, without even realizing. in times where the 3d was showing the opposite of what i wanted, i gave up, and because i thought that the universe didn’t want me to have it, i gradually formed a victim mentality. as if the universe was trying to ruin my life. yikes.

i soon realized that the universe doesn’t give a fuck and isn’t choosing anything for me. it’s supposed to show you your assumptions. so it was either i see it as an advantage, to see what i need to fix about my mindset and improve my life, or wallow in self pity for the rest of my life, and watch it get worse.

obviously i chose to improve my life because wtf. so i stopped letting people on tiktok (it’s the root of all evil, istg the misinformation is insane. do not go to tiktok for any manifesting/shifting advice LMAO) decide my fate and tell me how to live my life. every new thing i learned from the law of assumption made me so happy bc i knew i could live the life i wanted, and i finally felt like i had control over my own life for once. i create my reality. i don’t have to seek validation. only live in the end. that’s all i needed to know, and suddenly, i did not give a shit if the 3d was showing me the opposite of what i want.

let’s talk about how we can cope with these types of situations. i started rambling i’m sorry;

understand that there is no such thing as failure in the LOA, because it’s either you have it or you don’t. the 3d has no choice but to show your assumptions, and only assumptions. that’s why it can’t fail. the 3d can’t fail at showing you your assumptions.

let whatever emotions, bad thoughts, etc. pass. as long as you don’t end up identifying yourself with negative thoughts, an assumption can’t be created. you can cry, scream, throw things, whatever. whatever is happening in the 3d has nothing to do with what your job is, which is to fulfill within imagination. i will never tell you to bottle things up for the sake of manifesting it... just get it out of your system please.

when you’re done, you can enter the state of wish fulfilled again. remember it will not get harder to manifest or anything.

that’s literally it!! people need to stop encouraging hiding your emotions because it does more harm than good. you are human. you are allowed to act like one.

#loa #neville goddard #law of assumption #desired reality #4d #manifestation #shifting #affirm and persist #states manifest #loa success #reality shifting #affirmations #edward art #vaunts & affirmations #master manifestor #nailisaa

[lains-reality]

can you stop intellectualising everytime something 'bad' happens?

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future. - 4dkellysworld

maybe, it's all just happening. all you can do is deal with the problem or move on. you can leave things as they are and move on

thinking thoughts about the problem is not helping you, is it? so what do you have to lose if you stop thinking about it?

Fear is your roadblock. You're afraid that if you drop the body — you'll stop existing. You're afraid that if you drop your problem — the problem won't get fixed and you'll regret not having tried to control the situation. When you finally surrender to the realisation that things only exist as long as you are conscious of them, the idea of problems will become alien to you. - realisophie

please watch this. you are all making yourself insane and spiraling because you make everything about yourself.

ego is a bunch of memories held together by attachment. ego is a thought.

so you are relating everything to a memory. you are having thoughts, and are identifying as the mind, so you get swept along with them. and sometimes you think you're feelings are at fault too!

why? this is torture. please stop

if you're confused on where to start, then start by detaching from the past and future. stop relating every mishap or great day to some thing that you did 2 weeks ago. there's only now.

No need to identify with what happened yesterday or may happen tomorrow. Stand upright simply as you are today. -Nisargadatta Maharaj

just try and see what would happen if you stopped taking on the burden of the WORLD.

just stop taking it all on. aren't you tired. so please rest. be silent.

"how am i supposed to do all of egos activities??"

no one said to stop physically doing anything. it's a mental detachment that we're talking about.

do what you need to do. stay in the present moment. take things one step at a time.

it is hard detaching. but you won't get anywhere if you do not have basic mindfulness to see what you are doing to yourself right now

People try so hard to get rid of their negative behaviors and thoughts, and it doesn't work, or it only works for a short time. I didn't let go of my negative thoughts; I questioned them, and then they let go of me, and so did my addictions and depression. - Byron Katie

#non dualism #nondualism #did you know that you can TAKE A BREAK??? #please learn how to question yourself #lainsreality

[gabessquishytum]

Hi, everyone! Gabe/Leo here. Welcome to my new pinned post. You'll find lots of info here, including a new tag library curated by @seiya-starsniper which should help you filter (or follow) particular bits of content. This post will be updated from time to time and will also tell you whether my inbox is open or not <3

For reference, my inbox is currently CLOSED.

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛ 

Since you've found yourself on my blog, please note that a lot of my content is not safe for work! I am over 18, and if you're on my blog, you should be too! Content rated over 18 will also be tagged as #nsft

Here on my blog, people like to send me asks with scenarios, prompts or fic ideas that they have had, and I take a bit of time each day to respond with my own “yes, and” - collaborating with the original asker to make a small piece of fandom content. Sometimes other people are inspired by this and write their own fics based on the posts! It's a lovely collaborative space where all are welcome - including those who wish to stay anonymous.

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛ 

I am primarily focused on dreamling! But I also love to write other ships in the fandom. The tags I use for ships are:

#corintheus

#dreamling

#hoblethros

#hobrinthian

#hobrintheus

#hobstruction

#immortal throuple

#hob x everyone

#hob x lucifer

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛ 

The general tags that I use for sandman/writing content are as follows:

#dream of the endless

#ferdinand kingsley

#fic recs

#hob gadling

#horny q

#meowpheus

#my writing

#nsft

#the sandman

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛ 

I also have some specific alternate universes which you can find or filter out with these tags:

#ace dream

#ace hob

#ballet au

#bdsm au

#bratty dream

#dreamling gender swap

#bratty hob

#disabled dreamling

#catboys

#chef hob

#cow hob

#fantasy au

#fat hob

#fem dream

#fem hob

#mafia au

#mob au

#sugar daddy au

#the addams family

#trans dream

#trans hob

#vampire au

#werewolf au

#warprize au

#warprize hob

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙��࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛

For more of your tag filtering or searching needs, the following is a list of content warning tags that I will strive to use consistently. This list will be updated depending on what comes up in the future:

#dead dove do not eat

#cw age gap

#cw age regression

#cw agrere

#cw alcohol or #cw intox

#cw attempted murder

#cw birth

#cw biting 

#cw blackmail

#cw blood

#cw body modification

#cw body mutilation

#cw breeding

#cw child abuse

#cw cheating

#cw choking

#cw christmas

#cw cnc

#cw cucking

#cw daddy kink

#cw dark content

#cw death

#cw dermatillomania

#cw diaper

#cw disordered eating 

#cw domestic control

#cw dubcon or #cw dubious consent

#cw drugging or #cw drugs

#cw exhibitionism

#cw feederism or #cw feeding kink

#cw findom or #cw financial domination

#cw food

#cw food issues

#cw free use

#cw genitalia

#cw grief

#cw guns

#cw homelessness

#cw humiliation

#cw hunger

#cw hybrids

#cw infertility

#cw infidelity

#cw internalized homophobia

#cw kidnapping

#cw lactation

#cw major character death

#cw malnourishment

#cw manipulation

#cw medical

#cw memory loss

#cw menstruation

#cw mental health

#cw monsterfucking

#cw mpreg

#cw murder

#cw noncon

#cw object insertion

#cw objectification

#cw omegaverse

#cw omo

#cw overstim

#cw oviposition

#cw parent death or #cw patricide

#cw pain

#cw physical abuse

#cw piss

#cw pregnancy

#cw prostitution

#cw rough kink

#cw rough sex

#cw s&m

#cw scars

#cw scat

#cw self harm

#cw sex addiction

#cw sex pollen

#cw sex work

#cw sexual harassment

#cw sleep paralysis

#cw somnophilia

#cw spiking

#cw stalking

#cw suicide

#cw sui mention 

#cw stockholm syndrome

#cw teacher x student or #cw teacher/student

#cw tentacles

#cw threats

#cw toxic relationship

#cw transphobia

#cw violence

#cw vomit

#cw voyeurism

#cw watersports

#cw weight

#cw wetting

#cw yandere

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛ 

Finally, some of my anons like to identify themselves with emojis! This isn't mandatory at all. But here's a list of anons who have emoji-fied themselves (please note this may not be a complete list):

#yan anon

#🐈‍⬛ anon

#🍃 anon

#🦇 anon

#💳 anon

#🦊 anon

#🧀 anon

#🚒 anon

#🔪 anon

#💄 anon

#🌳 anon

#🎮 anon

#💍 anon

#🦒 anon

#🌘 anon

#🎸 anon

#🦎 anon

#🪽anon

#🍓 anon

#🤜 anon

#🐙 anon

#🐉 anon

#💎 anon

#🎭 anon

#🌛 anon

#🌻 anon

#🎉 anon

#❄️ anon

#🍐 anon

#🍭 anon

#🦋 anon

#🤰anon

#🖋 anon

#🏵 anon

#🦩anon

#🪐 anon

#🦄 anon

#💥 anon

#🍰🐲 anon

#☂️ anon

#👠 anon

࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛۶𖹭ৎ࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛࿙⃛࿚⃛

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a lovely day! ❤️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking shit about and leaving a friend with severe mental health issues?

(CW for mental health issues, self harm, and transphobia)

For context, everyone in this story is pretty young, in Year 11/12 (American equivalent would be sophomore/junior year) and we live in a pretty religious country

I (16M) met a friend (15F) through her approaching me and saying my pins (including a pride pin) was cool. We clicked immediately, i went over for sleepovers and became close with even her mom. I only once brought up politics offhandedly, and she got quite uncomfortable, but i thought nothing of it at the time.

She constantly told me that I was her only friend who "understood" her, and would be there for her, so I never brought it up again. However, when I was introducing her to another friend (who is very gnc and identified as transfemme at the time) we opened up her youtube reccomended and it was quite literally disgusting.

JK rowling, terf videos and tradwifes galore. Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro, you name it, she had literally nothing except videos titled shit like "trans people mutilate themselves".

I was very hurt, because I happen to be trans, as well as most of my friends and my partner. I questioned her, but she pulled the "mental illness" defense. I was scared of her hurting herself so i apologised (to my other friend) and tried distancing myself from her, admittedly made a few jokes at her expense to others.

She began being more radicalised, positing insane, borderline qanon stories, but my plan to cut her off was interrupted by her going missing and me having to be the one coaxing her back to school, i felt she was too dependant on me to be as harsh as i shouldve been.

The final straw came when she 1) said she thought of my (healed) scars as something that encouraged her to self harm and 2) when i found out she outed me and my partner as T4T and queer to a random transphobic youtuber to put in a cringe compilation. this was not only immature but really dangerous to us.

Heres where I might be TA: my partner confronted her because he was worried about my mental health, and she apparently showed up to school and cried. I felt bad, but when i first found about it i laughed about it, and didnt support her even when i knew she had no other friends.

My partner asked her to either stay away from me or not express her beliefs, and as a result she called me crying that night, borderline suicidal, and in a panic I soothed her and said I wasnt going anywhere. A couple days later, a mutual friend sent me the screenshots of her outing us, and I think that sort of made me snap.

She used her religion as a shield against finding us "disgusting" and wanted a video made against us etc etc, describing horrible statistics and threats, describing "mutilation" and I felt like i couldnt endorse that attitude towards trans people in good faith, so i argued with her over text, with her accusing me of manipulating her multiple times.

Again, I mightve fucked up here because I called my friends while texting her and talked shit about her during this confrontation, sending screenshots of our private dms to them, and afterwards she became a bit of an inside joke within our friend group- she also left the school because i think she had barely any other friends.

I cant help but feel like i shoudve been more mature about it, and especially because she was ill, i dont want to be That Guy that makes fun of vulnerable people, even if she sucked herself. So, tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw #suicide cw

[4dkellysworld]

Self-realization vs derealization

I saw an ask @adadisciple about derealization and thought I'd add my 2 cents here as I have experienced derealization in the past and might be able to offer a bit more insight. I didn't want to reblog that ask for personal reasons and also the response is really long. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist either, my thoughts are based on personal experience alone so take whatever feels right and leave the rest. Also I can't speak from the perspective of full realization as I am not there yet but hopefully this helps in some way.

When I first found non-dualism, I also had similar concerns as someone who had experienced derealization, I thought: was this another thing that was going to induce it?

Let's start with the definition (thank you Google) for those reading who may be unclear:

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).

From personal (human/ego) experience, this condition is purely of the mind and body with blocked awareness (? not sure if this is correct terminology, I am not talking about pure awareness in this case but more mindfulness*) and is often just a symptom of another mental or physical condition/illness such as depression/anxiety etc. The mind and/or body are just completely detached however, there is clouded awareness (due to the mind/body) and you just feel like you are existing and floating around. You very much still feel a part of the world and identify as such (although feeling detached & disengaged) even if you have lost faith in everything you feel as real. It's sort of hard to put into words but if you have experienced derealization too, then hopefully you can relate and understand what I am getting at. When I experienced it, I didn't know of any truth. I just lost faith in the world and didn't know what was real anymore. So, I was completely checked out.

*Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on in you and outside you, moment by moment, without judgment. (thanks Google)

Ada made a really good distinction here (I suggest reading the full ask)**:

The point of this all was to let go of concepts, let go of believing in things, investigating their validity, experimenting. Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did?

**Actually, re-reading that ask made me realize maybe a reblog of an exercise I recommended is not the best since it instructs denial of what ego believes to be real instead of disbelief and experimentation (eep, Vanessa is still learning and evolving!). See my edit on this post :)

Here is another relevant and helpful ask by 4dbarbie:

I don't teach to do anything to the 3D, not even deny it. Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson Your 3D is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the 3D is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts. See it as it is and it will fix itself. And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment OR senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my 4D!!!"

So lets clarify the distinction:

Derealization = denial of everything while still identifying as the ego (and the world as reality) although not wanting to => ego experiences confusion/chaos/mental condition/disorders

Self-realization = disbelief of current reality concepts => letting go of such concepts and quieting the mind => experiencing the true Self (the creator of the mind) => permanent identification with Self, not imaginary concepts (including the ego) => Knowing Reality, and therefore realizing full peace and freedom

Now let's move onto practicing non-dualism. The basis of the practice is let go of thoughts, quiet the mind and focus on being awareness/I AM. It is all about letting go, not denial.

From a non-dualist perspective, derealization is just another mental concept/creation. When the mind is completely silent (and sustained) and pure awareness is realized and embodied, when Self is your permanent identification, when you (Self) know you are not your body not Vanessa feeling dissassociated from mind & body or just intellectually knowing it from learning concepts (important distinction!), it is not derealization, in fact it is the only reality, the only truth.

I have experienced short moments of experiencing myself as the pure witness where the mind was completely quiet and those short moments felt so peaceful, whole and true. There were no feelings of derealization in that moment because there was no active mind then. Right now, I do think my ego feels a bit derealized at times but this is because I have not fully identified with Self yet and it is also because my sense and understanding of reality is in the process of being recalibrated on this journey. When this happens, I sit in silence and go back to the one truth 'I Am' and feel myself into it and everything else melts away. The more you do this, the more you will feel the truth and peace until it becomes permanent (when you realize Self).

But no one can give you the whole truth but yourself.

Lester: Yes. However, knowing what you're telling me helps one let go of that obstacle of intellectual knowledge. I prod you in this direction, don't I? I say: “Don't believe anything. Start from scratch. Build up your knowledge on the solid foundation of proof, step by step.” Everyone must do this. Q: You can't take someone else's experience? Lester: Right, you would be working on hearsay, on what they have said, and the only useful thing is that which you experience. I relate it to driving a car. If I say I know how to drive a car after reading a book that directs you to turn the key on, start the motor, shift into drive and step on the gas, do I know how to drive a car? No, not until I experience it can I drive a car. It's the same thing on the path; we must experience everything. We must, of course, adopt the attitude that what the Great Ones say is so, that they have experienced it. However, you must check it out and prove it for yourself. And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth, and that is that this whole world or universe is nothing but God, but better than that, is nothing but my very own Self. God could be far away; He could be miles and miles away in cosmic space, but my very own Self is right here, is something I know about, is something I can perceive, it is my very own Self! So, using Self as God is far more practical than putting Him out there, putting Him apart from us. But each one must start from the bottom and prove this whole thing for himself. As the proofs come, the more they come the more we accept until we experience the whole thing. - Lester Levenson, Session 11: Meditation with Quest - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

"And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth" I literally didn't even read this excerpt before sharing it (searched the book for the keyword 'proof' because I was looking for another excerpt) but came to the same conclusion after practicing and experiencing it for myself. And that is what you must do if you want the truth too. Experience and then decide for yourself.

This perceived and experienced knowledge is the only knowledge that does us any good. We can read everything on the subject, but it doesn’t help. Our life doesn’t change much, and it doesn’t because we don’t integrate the knowledge into our beingness through realization. Realized knowledge is nonintellectual, although the means we use are intellectual. We use our mind, we direct our mind toward the answer, but you will discover that the answer does not come from the mind. It comes from a place just behind the mind. It comes from the realm of knowingness, the realm of omniscience. By quieting the mind through stilling our thoughts, each and every one of us has access to this realm of knowingness. Then and there you realize, you make real. You know and you know that you know. - Lester Levenson, Session 6: Realization - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

If you want to understand more about the process of realizing Self, I recommend reading my 4dbarbie remix post. If you have already read it, reread it, maybe even read some of the referenced posts/asks and see if you get any new understanding. Or better yet, just sit in silence and stillness, quiet the mind and focus on 'I Am'.

I must emphasise that in non-duality, letting go of the ego is the basic foundation of practice as it is very much a journey of self-transformation (this is just another concept to help the ego understand, but you are always, have always been and always will be Self, you just do not see it as you are currently identified as the ego).

If you (the ego) are not willing to do that, then come back when you are ready. It is not up to anyone to convince you to adopt this practice and way of life.

#writings #non duality #non dualism

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, one of the large reasons I'm pro-endo is because I genuinely and honestly think that one of the best things for DID is normalizing experiences of consistent inconsistencies and have drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different which is NOT a disorder specific thing - and regardless of what terms we use to describe ourselves whether thats system, parts, headmates, singlets, facets, aspects, complex multifaceted person yada yada - whatever it is that endogenics experience is also an expression of self/selves that shares that "consistently inconsistent" and "drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different" that people with DID and other CDDs have.

I think that everyone - trauma or not - should have the right and ability to be as consistently inconsistent as they feel is natural to them, and if that goes out to having different names, genders, aesthetics, sense of self, whatever thats cool by me.

And genuinely, I think it does help (though anyone credited endogenics for all of the positive changes in the CDD communities is being a clown and erasing the work from individuals with CDD themselves) normalize some of the more stigmatizing aspects of living with DID.

I would much rather be surrounded with a bunch of people who don't bat an eye at having parts that go by different names and identities and have different likes and dislikes because "yeah i know people who have that and its not a big deal" than someone who goes "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS TO BE LIKE THAT" cause no? You don't have to have a severe mental illness to express yourselves as you naturally would? Yeah is it a kinda weird expression? Sure. But "weird" is literally only defined by the "normal" person and the idea of a "normal" person can 1) be changed and 2) is often used for more harm than good.

Do I think there are some large issues and problematic behavior that needs to be talked about in the overall community? Sure, probably - I can't say for sure cause I don't involve myself much in the endo/endo adjacent communities, but yeah probably. Do I think there are discussions that have to be made about terms and ways to prevent misinformation about CDDs in those spaces? Yeah of course. Do I think there is a need to talk about means of respecting the inherent extreme PTSD response and therefore disordered and clinical nature of DID without making it something that is a 'lesser' or 'broken' form of what endos experience? Absolutely.

But I really think the idea of denying that people - without trauma - could experience themselves in drastically different ways, experience themselves in a multifaceted form that identifies independently, and use labels that make sense to them, I really think you are denying yourself a lot of what you - as your heal - can choose to be like.

#alter: riku #endogenic #endo friendly #endo safe #syscourse #pro endo

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry” #bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

[eternal-echoes]

A young male, who formerly identified as a transwoman, who was castrated and became a “patient for life” as part of “gender-affirming care,” wants to warn others not to follow in his footsteps. He discussed his story of resilience and learning to accept himself for who he is for the first time with Fox News Digital.  Kobe, whose name is being withheld for privacy reasons, had “checked every box for what they call a trans adolescent.” He was always “effeminate” and loved pink and playing with Barbies. If he was never exposed to gender ideology, he says he’d probably “would have just stayed a feminine boy. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”  ... Kobe, in retrospect, looks back at the medical interventions as a subconscious use of “self-harm.” During his early teenage years, he was struggling with internalized homophobia. “I mean, I saw it as a way out of my homosexuality if that makes any sense.” However, he didn’t realize these truths until he got his surgery.  ... Kobe was started on puberty blockers around 13, estrogen at 16 and later had castration surgery at 19.  “I was expecting it to help me help my mental health, and it didn’t do anything. I just wasted so much time and all I did really was become a medical patient for life,” he said.  Kobe said his growth is “permanently stunted” because of puberty blockers, and has chronic pain in his spine as well. “I need to get checked for osteoporosis because I do have a pretty severe back pain just going up the spinal cord,” he shared.  Puberty blockers have been linked to issues with bone mineral density. 

Source

#lgbt #transgender #transgenderism #transgender ideology #mtf #hrt #puberty blockers #hormone replacement therapy

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I fee like you are forgetting that being trans isnt a choice. If i had the chance to not be trans and just be comfortable with my gender, i would. I really would. I would do it so my life wouldnt be in danger just by existing. I would do it so my identity doesnt become a political debate. I would do it so i could feel loved and appreciated. I would do it so i dont have to go through the hate for my body and wishing it was just a bit more androgynous and a bit more comforting. I would do it so i wouldnt be attacked. I would do it so i wouldnt need to be questioned every time i tell someone.

I am a child. My identity is not a point of political conversation. My identity is not be stereotyped, judged, sexualized, and assumed on. My identity is me being me and me enjoying myself.

But the only reason i would not want to be trans is because of my safety. I would love myself if people loved me too. I would love myself if it wasnt for politics and debate.

I just want to be me. I dont want to suffer. Im sorry if this is a rant, i just dont think i can enable any of this anymore

"I am a child"

I'm sorry then you are not trans. Fact is most people fall into one of a few categories in general.

Identifies as trans due to social pressure and trends

Identifies as trans due to trauma involving violence or sexual abuse

Identifies as trans because you have temporary dysphoria due to puberty

Identify as trans because of social pressures causing mental distress and self loathing of the body

Or in the last case you've been to a psychologist and they've gone through to make sure that none of those are it. At which point congrats your trans. As to "I wish I could change it because it's safer", that's just false. Statistically trans people are not more likely to be assaulted. However, because there being fewer trans people in the world the numbers will be cockeyed regardless. What's more, most trans people are not attacked because they are trans. They are just attacked, same as they would be otherwise. However society needs to believe everything is an attack on them so if a trans person gets harmed, it's considered "because they were trans". When often that's not even the truth.

Oh. And if you've been to a psychologist and they've affirmed you, you can not be certain you are trans. Because the process to be certain, is by eliminating all the other possibilities, assuring that the dysphoria is actually permanen. Then going through until you're 18-20, and helping you decide at that point if chemicals or surgery is the right way to go.

So no. I'm not forgetting anything. I'm just far n more knowledgeable on this topic because it almost killed my friend.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

my dysphoria has been very bad recently and i have found it very difficult to do things like showering, changing and sleeping especially. ive been over wearing my binder a lot because i find it very difficult to bring myself to take it off, and i keep wearing it for 30+ hours at a time which i know is bad but i currently have no other alternative and not wearing one feels worse than the pain i get by overwearing. i hate wearing sports bras and ive run out of transtape, i have ordered more but it probably won’t be coming for another couple of weeks. i don’t know what to do because i don’t want to damage my body severely, is there anything else i can do?

Lee says:

As you know, wearing a binder for extended periods can lead to severe health issues, including respiratory problems, rib fractures, and skin conditions.

When you feel like doing something that's harming you physically is your only option to cope because your dysphoria is that intense, you should look into getting a therapist.

Frequently binding for 30+ hours isn't a sustainable option and finding alternative coping strategies will be easier with professional help to help you deal with what you're doing through.

Two posts that might help with your specific questions are Staying clean and coping with shower-related dysphoria and Dysphoria when you have to sleep and those two posts really cover most of what I have to say on those subjects so I won't reinvent the wheel by typing the same thing but I encourage you to read both links.

Apart from that, in the next couple of weeks as you wait for your TransTape to arrive (And start the process of seeking a therapist!) here are some strategies you can try doing:

1. Layered Clothing:

Wearing loose, layered clothing can help obscure the chest area. Consider wearing baggy shirts, jackets, or vests to help reduce the visibility of your chest.

Luckily it's fall time (at least here in the East Coast) so it's starting to get a little bit cooler, some days, and I wear a sweater (at work) or sweatshirt (when at home) like 100% of the time just because I'm always cold and it's also an Autistic sensory friendly thing for me too.

See more: Body neutrality

2. Distraction Techniques:

Engage in activities that take your mind off your dysphoria. This could be reading, drawing, journaling, listening to music, watching movies or TV, or any other hobby or activity that you enjoy and find absorbing.

Engage in self-care activities that actually make you feel good about yourself, not just doomscrolling social media. And for those times when you are on social media, if you're currently following anyone who makes you stressed/unhappy, stop following them. It's your feed and you're in charge!

But if you find that it's hard to do the necessary activities of everyday living because you find yourself spending most of your time engaging in distraction techniques, and you're falling behind on homework/work, that's another sign that you need additional support from a mental health professional.

3. Grounding Techniques:

Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce distressing thoughts, but the kind of nebulous meditation stuff never worked well for my ADHD brain.

Guided meditation

15 meditation tips

How to do progressive muscle relaxation

Body scan relaxation exercise

Mindfulness skills and worksheets masterpost

Imagery

Imagery self-help

Relaxation

Relaxation audio

Safe-place visualization

I found specific things like grounding exercises, like the "5-4-3-2-1" technique (identifying five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste), can help divert your attention from dysphoric feelings if you're having a Moment. This type of strategy is useful when you start to notice yourself spiraling to try and re-center yourself.

Soothing grounding exercise

Physical grounding exercise

Mental grounding exercise

Grounding techniques

How to make a grounding box

Grounding exercises

How to ground and center

4. Stay connected:

Connect with in-person and/or online LGBTQ+ support groups who understand what you're going through. Sharing your feelings and hearing from others who have similar experiences can be comforting and it can help you to learn new coping strategies and things to try.

In general, avoiding isolation is important. Join a club or volunteer for something, join a sports team, hang out with your friends, etc. Just don't stay alone in your room. Get out of the house if you can, or invite people over or have video calls or phone calls if aren't up to being out and about. Just stay in contact with people.

See more: Motivating yourself to socialize

5. Set Alarms:

Consider setting alarms or reminders to take off your binder and give your body a break. Even short breaks can help reduce the risk of injury.

Here are some links that may help in general:

9 strategies for dealing with body dysphoria

How do I deal with dysphoria?

20 Small Things To Do When Gender Dysphoria Gets You Down

25 Things I Do To Make My Body Dysphoria Feel Smaller and Quieter

More on coping with dysphoria

Dealing with dysphoria

A post with suggestions for coping with dysphoria

Take care of your mental health

8 tips for managing dysphoria and mental health

A coping tip

Disablity-friendly dysphoria tips

Dysphoria that prevents you from leaving the house/doing activities of daily living

Your feelings are valid, and it's essential to find ways to manage your dysphoria that prioritize your health and well-being. There isn't a secret dysphoria cure I can share with you, to be frank it just sucks sometimes and there's not a lot to do about it but you gotta find a way to cope and keep going and stay safe.

Eventually it gets better-- you either find a way to cope more effectively and manage the dysphoria and/or time just passes and you grow older and eventually find a way to access surgery, but either way you will eventually become an adult who is managing life somehow and overall doin' okay and yeah there's hope at the end of the tunnel so please keep going!

You deserve care, support, and understanding, even if your family isn't able to provide that right now. And again, apart from the two links that I started the response with, the main advice I have is that you should ask to speak with a therapist (even if you are closeted and don't tell your fam that it's gender/binding/dysphoria related) and just let them know that you're struggling with your mental health in general.

Please reach out for help if you need it, and consider seeking medical attention if you experience severe pain or discomfort from binding. Good luck!!

As some of you may have noticed, our blog has been around for a decade or so and some links may be broken because we're all busy etc so pls let me know if something is wonky in a post I'm trying to link to!

Followers, any advice for anon?

#Lee says #dysphoria #coping with dysphoria #chest m #binding #injury m #binding injury m

[v3nusxsky]

Hiya!

Could I request a morticia x fem!reader

Reader is really struggling with her mental health and is pushing morticia away but morticia finds out and comforts reader and helps reader open up

I’m here| h&c

*Authors note~ not me scrolling through my fic ideas because I wanted to make this perfect and considering my own bpd is playing up rn this felt good to write*

Trigger warnings~ mental health bpd reader self harm

Prompt~see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You knew it was getting bad again, the unexplained bouts of anger and the flickering mood changes that honestly made you feel sea sick half the time. It was driving you insane, the hallucinations and paranoia causing you to isolate yourself, not leaving your room for anything. It was getting hard to know what was real and what wasn’t so you felt it was better for you and really everyone else.

You had no idea how to get out of this storm, your arms and legs littered in fresh cuts and scars from the older ones. You needed to feel something at least and if that’s what worked then you would continue. It wasn’t like you felt the pain anymore anyway, you were more numb than anything else. You figured you were safe to be alone for a while, most the students and staff had gone for the break, you choose to stay at Nevermore in favour of avoiding some awkward painful moments with your family.

The knock on your door startled you, you didn’t even know if anyone knew you were here. But that’s when you heard her voice. Larissa knew how you felt for Morticia so when she had noticed you not coming out of your room and knowing you had a rough past she asked the raven haired woman to check on you. “Mon chérie? Can you let me” she murmured to you, the way she spoke French always got her what she desired from you so naturally you opened the door forgetting momentarily what state you were in. “Tish?” You whimpered as you watched her face fall at the state of you.

The raven haired woman slipped into your dorm and shut your door. “Y/n, Mon amour?” Was all it took for you to break down in harsh sobs. The care and concern in her voice setting off the emotional outburst. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” You cried as your legs gave out on you, yet you never hit the ground thanks to the other woman. “I’ve got you, it’s okay it’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you” she murmured to you on a loop just holding you as you cried. You’d told morticia of your bpd and she could quickly identify this as a depressive episode, she knew all she could do is be here for you and help you through it, just glad Larissa had informed her of it before it got really dangerous.

You managed to calm yourself by using her scent and her beating heart to ground yourself, the onslaught of overwhelming emotions exhausting you but the paranoia still present. “I’m sorry Tish you must hate me now! I get it I know I’m too much I’m sorry you can leave” you whimpered only to be hushed by her lips touching the crown of your head. “I’m not leaving you mon amour, shall we take a nap my darling?” With a nod of consent you let her clean and bandage the cuts before crawling into bed with her and snuggling on her chest. “Is this okay?” You whispered. “It’s perfect darling. Now let’s take a nap and see how you feel when we wake up okay?”

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #morticia frump #morticia x reader #mortica addams #morticia fic #morticia addams #morticia addams x reader

[genderkoolaid]

Hi I'm ND and I was wondering about your experiences with religious beliefs? I saw your post and it definitely resonated with the frustration I had engaging in spiritual communities because people are never Normal about it. I guess I'm also wondering how to navigate with discernment regarding spiritualism as someone with intrusive thoughts and other issues, if you feel like you're able to shed some light with your personal experiences of course. Have a good day!! ☀️

So I personally deal with intrusive thoughts, paranoia and delusions, while also being deeply religious & having mystic experience, which as you can imagine can be very stressful! its hard talking to people about that because its so easy for people to just go "oh you're psychotic so you can't be trusted on your experiences."

when it comes to psychotic stuff: for me the #1 thing i keep in mind when it comes to this is learning to not focus on whether a certain experience is "real," but rather if it is helpful. this is one of the things thats been repeated to me many times & its been very helpful keeping in mind. trying to prove whether or not something spiritual is "real" is an absolute mess for the sanest of people (mostly because i think the conflation of spirituality and science as like. opposing forces has done so much damage to how we think about it but anyways). but something solid you can ponder is how a certain belief or practice helps or hurts you. instead of "is x real or am i crazy," ask "how does x affect me? does it make me feel more equipped to deal with life? does it inspire me to connect with others and with myself? is it causing me mental or physical stress/harm? is it causing others harm?" these focus you more on things you can identify immediately. you can also ofc combine this with things like reality checks & secular ways of coping with delusions/paranoia/hallucinations.

as a general rule it's good to take your time with any sort of spiritual/mystical experience and think through it, what you felt, possible causes (spiritual and secular), and what you might do because of it. don't feel the need to rush into anything, it's not a sign of failure to be thorough and contemplative and open to many possible explanations.

additionally, we have this idea in our minds that if something has a spiritual origin it can't have a physical explanation, which is silly to me. even if there is a biochemical explanation for something, that doesn't mean its not a spiritual experience; we are fleshy creatures. there's no reason why our spirituality can't be fleshy too. if someone has hallucinations because of brainweirdness, that doesn't mean they can't ascribe spiritual meaning to them; and it also doesn't mean they have to ascribe spiritual meaning to every hallucination. something something why must our humanity be antithetical to god-or-what-have-you.

on intrusive thoughts: i don't have moral ocd, although i used to have religious compulsions. i don't really anymore because my beliefs/experiences have re-affirmed many times that god-or-what-have-you is not going to get mad at me for not doing x thing Good Enough, and the "does it hurt or help" rubric also helps me remember that the things that help me feel good and healthy are what is best for me spiritually. if you feel scared and stressed and self-hating constantly, that isn't going to make you a better devotee/follower/practitioner, its just going to tear you apart until you can't function.

i saw a post a while ago talking about prayer/meditation when you have ADHD & get distracted by thoughts easily, and i think its helpful for that + disruptive intrusive thoughts: instead of trying to stop thinking them, you can just incorporate them. if you can't stop thinking about a hyperfixation, you can meditate on what interests you and why. if intrusive thoughts won't leave, you can vent about that to god-or-what-have-you.

the thing about mainstream religion/spirituality is that it is by and large made by sane neurotypical people, for them. ND/mad people are either demonized or, sometimes mythologized, but we are always being viewed as outsiders. we haven't been allowed to have spiritual autonomy and create our own intepretations and practices that match our unique ways of thinking and perceiving the world. once you realize this you have to start pointing out where a practice fails you and then take it into your own hands- this is why i have found religion so helpful for me, because i have found/made interpretations that affirm me. if you follow a sacred text, you can reject literalism & that it perfectly reflects the actual words of the divine. you can reject the mainstream interpretations that cater to racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/etc. and find new ones or make your own. you can adapt rituals to your needs or make entirely new ones. and once again find other people who are also brainweird and spiritual and talk with them about what they do & believe. god is crazy too etc etc

#i rlly hope this was helpful #i am very passionate abt this topic! #this was very general but if you have more specific questions I'll gladly try to help #m. #ask box

[archivalofsins]

TL;DR- Milgram is testing gender biases but not in the way people would like to believe. It is unreasonable for people who seem to want Kotoko to be innocent again to tie the change in opinion around her to misogyny. I'm somewhat sympathetic to people who do enjoy Kotoko as a character because it seems like they're becoming increasingly more panicked by others not as devoted to the character as they believe themselves to be seeing past the veneer and viewing Kotoko's behavior for the outcomes it creates instead of the catharsis it gives.

Though I understand that labeling people interrogating her behavior or questioning it as misogyny can help these individuals feel better and more secure in their opinion. I think it ultimately does little to benefit the character or the fandom in the long term. Instead, I believe it gives people who enjoy the character in different ways a bad impression of what fans of her character are like. Something that will ultimately lead to more quiet parties in the fandom projecting their disdain for Kotoko's fans on the character and using her trial as a way to let out those frustrations about these bad faith interpretations.

Comparing Futa and Kotoko is reasonable to an extent but making that comparison and just checking it off as misogyny is silly and reductionist. I feel people who want Kotoko to be Innocent for whatever reason could have a genuine discussion around the two forms of radicalization that both characters discuss. Highlight how Kotoko is just as much of victim of her environment as Futa is and home in on her more personable traits to better highlight her understated good qualities.

I don't fully believe Kotoko is an irredeemable character but how her well intentioned more vocal fans discuss her really highlights how dangerous it is to follow these sorts of people without question and how easy this sort of thing is to fall into.

Other than that, let's get started.

For all intents and purposes what is about to follow this sentence is fully intended as a joke about previous events and nothing more,

"If I see one more rabid Kotoko Innocent voter comparing "actually" interrogating her actions to misogyny I may-"

In all seriousness though, people who claim to be fans of Kotoko's may want to find a better defense for her actions before her trial starts. Instead of you know doing what people claiming to be Mu's fans did- Ignoring the problem while digging their hills in deeper and deeper. Everyone literally saw how that turned out.

Plus, from what it seems Kotoko may not be able to gaslight, gatekeep, girldictate her way out of this one and ignoring the ever growing signs of that isn't helpful in the long run.

I dislike Kotoko. I have done nothing to hide this. However, crying misogyny each time a woman's behavior is brought into question is in my opinion literally the definition of white woman tears. It does nothing to interrogate the underlying issues being brought up and the only purpose of using it is to lampshade the idea that something is amiss at all under the guise of discrimination taking place.

Men can be wrong, women can be wrong, nonbinary people can be wrong, intersex people can be wrong, demigender people can be wrong, agender people can be wrong, and genderfluid individuals can be wrong. Regardless of how one self-identifies based on gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, or mental health wise everyone can be wrong, and everyone's actions can objectively be harmful.

No matter what people may say none of those characteristics is an excuse or justification for people causing harm. Crying gender discrimination is incredibly odd to me especially when taking the voting trends of Milgram into consideration. Milgram has specifically been testing these biases from the beginning. Something that has proven the opposite of this claim is true.

Saying things such as if X prisoner were male presenting instead of female or if X prisoner was female presenting instead of male, they'd be given more leniency is ultimately a weird back and forth talking point to me. Especially since we have a good amount of evidence to prove which statement is true and which one is not from the voting results along with the information Milgram has provided.

Because Milgram has done everything in its power to not only play on this bias but test it. From blatantly giving each of the prisoners a presentably opposite sex presenting counterpart,

To separating the prisoners into even groups of male presenting and female presenting. Even though the series canonically recognizes that there are more genders and have had characters make statements alluding to gender being a social construct.

So, if we look at the trial one results of each prisoner who has stated that someone who presents as the opposite gender as them is the most like their selves then we can see how gender has impacted the results,

In trial one Kazui did get a higher innocent verdict than Yuno but they were both Innocent/Forgiven. In comparison we can see despite being similar as they both stated they believed themselves to be Kotoko was Innocent/Forgiven by a large margin and Futa was Guilty/Unforgiven.

Then comparing Kotoko to the male she was expressly paired with is even worse.

Because as most know Mikoto had the largest Guilty/Unforgiven verdict of trial one. He was also beat up by Kotoko during his first trial interrogation for good reason. However, this goes into another gendered bias within Milgram. The only people Es has physically hit or have been hit during their interrogations are male or explicitly never referred to as female due to their age. Since the person he most recently hit was Amane who has been labeled as child by the not only the source material but the fandom at large.

No one has gone can't little girls do anything when it comes to Amane. No one has said can't we just support little girls being feral for Amane. At least not that I have seen. In fact people don't even like that certain individuals consider Amane's abuse when voting on her trial because they believe that either reduces her to just a victim (for some odd reason this was not an issue when taking Mu being bullied into consideration but is here) or is treating her like a child something she asked us not to do but Es speculated she wanted us to do within Amane's second voice drama.

Where's the justification of Amane's actions based on her gender, age, or the treatment she had to undergo like with Mu and Kotoko now? Because I'm not seeing anyone go as hard for her.

What makes this twenty something year old woman who to her own admission has never once faced persecution so special?

Sadly, children aren't considered to be men or women but just by the genderless term child. This means people don't have to think about complicated adult constructs when it comes to their rights. This conveniently leaves Amane out of this can't women/girls do anything because her story is about children rights. Something consistent Milgram voters have done a good job at highlighting a good deal of society doesn't believe children should have. Be it the right to make their own religious and medical decisions or taking agency over how they are treated by those older than them.

Milgram has gone out of its way to split the cast evenly between the most commonly recognized presented genders for a reason. It included characters of certain age ranges and stated or implied disabilities for a reason. Because when people are a certain age or have a certain diagnosis their gender and their thoughts on it cease to matter. They are only judged by their age or diagnosis. However, instead of talking about all these things people would rather use the social construct of gender for its most historically used weaponization of protecting the over privileged from taking accountability for their abuses.

The fact that people today still believe they can cry misogyny when it's simply convenient to them and that no one will go look at the evidence collected by the voting demographic that readily proves this to not be the case is wild to me.

This is why for me seeing people say if Kotoko were a man she'd have it easier is funny. One because Kotoko openly views femininity as a tool which she uses at her discretion so she's genderfluid or agender if anything. This is something she states in response to her first written interrogation questions. So, using the label woman as an excuse for her behavior is very Kotoko behavior of her fans but again just not actually helpful. Especially if I can just look back and go um that's not how Kotoko identifies all the time though and she alluded to so here.

Being genderfluid or agender does not make her any less of a woman of course. It just makes discussing her case based solely on her womanhood odd to me. Doing so ignores an extremely specific intricacy of the character that has been made known from the beginning. An intricacy I find to be a compelling and interesting aspect of her character. I could still judge her actions based on her womanhood but that's just not going to work to persuade me that she was right because I simply do not believe it's okay for anyone to get away with something based on their gender alone.

Recognizing her gender possibly being more fluid based upon her answer to the femininity question again doesn't change how I feel about Kotoko's behavior as a person. It's literally like cool gender I respect that your actions are still trash though.

Plus using her gender to compare her current circumstances to Futa's and saying there's a gender bias going on here is weird to me. Again, Futa was guilty trial one Kotoko was innocent. Futa has long term possibly permanent impairments due to the verdict he received. Something that was caused by Kotoko. Futa is a very tit for tat person and his first song displays through his lyrics that he used to stop after someone apologized while Kotoko's displays her mindset of an apology not being enough a mindset that Futa slowly develops into having over the course of Bring It On.

As displayed through this lyric,

"You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!"

Milgram goes out of it's way to showcase how Futa and Kotoko are at different levels of radicalization. Alluding to the very real possibility that if Futa was affirmed during trial one he would be just as bad if not worse than Kotoko. Even Kotoko's answer in regard to him being the one she believes to be the most like her points this out.

"Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least."

She even spends most of trial one observing Futa and says this before his interrogation and trial.

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven?

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

So, more than likely if Futa was voted Innocent alongside her he would've just ended up being indoctrinated by her instead. Since they both recognized the similarities, they had with one another but just wound up on opposite sides.

Also, Futa's verdict didn't change round two simply because he's a guy. It's because he made a reasonable case for himself that caused most of the audience to reflect upon their behavior as well as Futa's. Implying that it's just because Futa is a guy is not only demeaning to his characterization and the time people put into analyzing both his songs but-

Ignores the fact that people still believe his actions are unforgivable. Along with the fact, that a good deal that believe that actively defend/support Kotoko's behavior. Oh, yeah- And it blatantly ignores that the thing he was being persecuted for to begin with (the doxing) was slowly but surely proven not to be his fault at all. Something he'd been saying from the fucking beginning of trial two.

Futa: It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault. Like anyone would die from that normally! The one who spread it wasn’t me anyway.

In contrast to Mu where the idea of her being in the wrong was so heavily denied that once it was shown that she was many changed their opinion not because her actions were inexcusable but simply because they felt tricked. Even though as Milgram stated all the evidence of the prisoner's crimes were there to begin with if people were willing to look and many including myself tried to lighten knee-jerk reactions by bringing the possibility to attention before It's Not My Fault even released.

So, if Kotoko's defense is simply Mu's repackaged brand of God can't women do anything? Why would that be reasonable enough justification for the tangible damage we may be about to see Kotoko's actions cause. What if just like in Mu's case where we see her bullying her victim, we see Kotoko attacking those kids?

Will that defense of can't women do anything really be able to justify that sort of behavior? Well given Amane's tanking verdict being assigned female at birth may just be something the fandom considers a valid excuse for abusing children. I've seen so many people justify Amane's mother's behavior by saying she was indoctrinated too, it's hard to raise a child by oneself the father was always away, maybe she wasn't mentally well etc. Once again showing of that if a character is an adult woman, they're actions and the tangible harm they cause can be justified in a myriad of ways.

Unless they're Mahiru trial one and too conventionally feminine then the only way their behavior can be justified is if they're beat within an inch of their fucking life-

Mahiru's first trial was a case of god can't women do anything? This Is How To Be In Love With You was literally just her going around town and having fun we didn't even see anyone die and she got voted Guilty. For what because people found her personality clingy and obnoxious. Because she was far too traditionally feminine for people's liking. Yet, people want to cry misogyny for Kotoko.

The one who jumped Mahiru on very little information because it was solely based on a judgement Es made based on multiple assumptions that while not disproven were not all completely true.

Like she clearly wasn't a fucking stalker she knew this person and they were together that was clear from the fucking first song. Even during her second trial Mahiru didn't get the whole gendered excuse of can't women do anything as much as people are trying to force it on Kotoko. The focus was literally on her being injured to shit and getting harshly and hastily judged for literally just being hyper feminine.

Then the only way people could justify her actions in I Love You without taking that into consideration wasn't through engaging with her character fully and discussing her overly sheltered homelife mixed with a clear immense fear of abandonment and inadequacy which lead to unhealthy ways of seeking validation but by infantilizing her and calling her delusional. Something that if tied to her femininity would be inherently sexist.

Then we've been given an even greater example of the gender bias within the Milgram fandom through Yuno and Kazui during round two.

A situation that speaks for itself. Yuno says the person most like her is Kazui with no hesitation or doubt. Stating this about the both of them on her birthday,

"Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well."

Bluntly stating that she lies but unlike Kazui who has a reason for her lies she has none. As Yuno has made clear from the beginning, there is no justification for her actions. She doesn't view them as good or bad but as things she just wanted to do. Which is why she's only gotten increasingly upset by the audience attaching justifications to her choices because to her that may just remove the weight of those things being her choices.

She doesn't wish to have these labels attached to her behavior or excuses being made for what she did. She'd much rather beg to be forgiven herself if it came to that than have people that know nothing about her make assertions about her life and reasoning.

Because what's important to Yuno is being true to herself and she doesn't have to care about anyone even herself to just do what she wants to do.

Q.04 What’s the origin of your name?

Haruka: Apparently my parents wanted a girl. It was decided on long before I was born.

Yuno: It means to be kind and true to myself. [TN: Literal meaning of the kanji 優 (yu) and 乃 (no) respectively which make up her name.]

Source: Rochisama

Instead of interacting with that more difficult to grasp part of her character people decided to simplify her once again. Because viewing characters one enjoys as just one thing is simple, it's fun. It's not challenging or messy. Because no one has to bother with those strange technicalities or hypocrisies. They can just sit back and enjoy themselves.

If things are simple, then everyone will have fun. If things are simple, then you won't have to be bothered. If things are simple, then people can still dream. If it's simple, then an apology can just solve everything. It it's simple then it can be put in a way anyway can understand and everyone will want to listen. If it's simple, then you can tell how your life is meant to be but most importantly if it's simple it can still feel good.

Life isn't simple, judging people isn't simple, punishing people isn't simple, looking at things for what they are isn't simple. Because the truth is objective it won't always feel good. Yet, looking away from it in order to spare one's own ego does nothing but allow people's self-induced ignorance the opportunity to grow into someone else's pain.

#milgram #yuzuriha kotoko

[pillarsalt]

How do you cope with loneliness? My friends are so important to me but sometimes I feel like I can't fully relate to them anymore, and I just think about how they would hate me if they knew I was GC. I have TIF and even a few TIM friends that I love and cherish very dearly because I can see that they've just fallen victim to a toxic ideology feeding their body dysmorphia and self-esteem issues. But I can't tell them how genuinely worried I am about their mental health or send them detrans testimonies that I think they would relate to because they'd think I was some hateful violent monster that I'm not. Even the content creators that bring me joy and comfort are all so fiercely anti-TERF and it just makes me sad. I don't want to hurt anyone. I even distanced from the radfem community a bit because I felt like I was becoming too hateful towards men and TIMs when I truly believe many of the ones in my life are just trying their best and fell victim to a manipulative ideology that myself and other women also fell for. It's not that I wish I was still a TRA, because I feel much more at peace internally with my identity and my belief system, but I don't know if I can say peaking has made me happier overall. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere now. Making radfem friends helped a little bit but it's not the same as being around people I've known for years and gotten close to for reasons other than this one shared belief. I don't just want to abandon them all. And it's FRUSTRATING to see people spew misinformed fearmongered nonsense and not be able to actually help them dissect those beliefs. Feeling like the only one who sees things for how they really are, but forced to play along regardless, is just so restrictive and isolating.

To be completely honest with you, I don't have a great answer. I've been lucky to have one or two close friends at a time to whom I can tell everything, including my uncensored feminism-related beliefs. I've also been (and currently am) in friend groups with multiple people who identify as trans or are dating someone who identifies as trans, and have had to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself to keep the peace. I agree it's incredibly difficult sometimes, and I know a fair few of them would instantly drop me if they knew I was a "terf". It's kind of funny because I know some of them have an inkling of what I think about the issue, but say nothing so they don't have to fight with me. If anyone asked my opinion directly, I wouldn't lie, but I admit that I lie by omission.

It is hard to watch the ones who take the medicalization route hurt themselves. My ex girlfriend and I still talk, she's a they/them nonbinary now and despite always and still being very feminine and never expressing discomfort with her body before (including posting thirst traps often,) she wants to get a mastectomy soon. It sucks because of course after having looked into this phenomenon for so long, I'm well aware of the complications and side effects that can result from a major procedure like this: phantom pain/itching, extensive and restrictive scarring, the risks of infection and necrosis, and of course the risk of regretting having an entire organ unnecessarily removed from your body later on when it's no longer fashionable to do so. It sucks that voicing even the mere suggestion that it might be a bad idea is enough to have you shunned as an apostate. I genuinely care about her and I would feel similarly if she was having any other radical cosmetic surgery like breast implants or a BBL. At the end of the day, our friends will make their own choices regardless of how we feel about it, and the only thing we can really do is be there for them in the end.

I feel similarly to you in that I don't want to hurt anyone, only to protect people and especially women from the harms that are intrinsic to trans ideology. Unfortunately, you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes though, you can play dumb and ask questions that might get them to think a little bit more about the rhetoric they're repeating. For example, I often go out for drinks with coworkers, one of whom is a she/they nonbinary woman. One time she said something about how she couldn't be a full they/them because she's still 'girly' sometimes. I said something like "doesn't it seem kind of regressive to associate how feminine you are with how much of a woman you are? what about butch lesbians?" She didn't have an answer and brushed it off, but I could see the cogs turning a bit. Playing the uninformed normie pointing out the obvious sometimes gets them to realize how twisted the logic in trans echo chambers can be. And I think sometimes expressing your disagreement with the dogma can show your friends, who know you well and know you're a good person, that, contrary to what they've been told, not everyone who disagrees with gender ideology is an evil nazi out to slaughter transwomen in the streets.

But yes, in general, it is very very isolating to hold radical feminist beliefs. I'm sorry you're going through it. One thing to remember is, there are tons of women even in your general vicinity, who like you, don't buy into gender rhetoric but aren't saying anything in order to preserve their safety and social lives. I do believe that as the world seems to be becoming more aware of the reality of the situation, more and more people will feel able to be open about their dissent, and it will become less of a fringe opinion as the flaws in the ideology are exposed. Here's hoping I guess. Keep your chin up anon.

#ask