#I dunno. I thought it was fine. not BAD

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

thoughts on the half-life blue shift and half-life opposing force? both take place in black mesa during the time of half-life 1

I think they’re neat! I’ve only played blue shift so far and I thought it was fine, and I have yet to play opposing force

#asks are neat #I got blue shift cause. I think half life 1 Barney is neat #only to find out it’s typically seen as the WORST extension so- #I dunno. I thought it was fine. not BAD

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[stergeon]

Rating: Mature (horny)

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Relationship(s): Edelgard von Hresvelg/Byleth Eisner

Words: 11.5k (2 chapters out of, theoretically, 3)

There's a new professor of the Black Eagles house, but it's not the one Edelgard and Hubert had planned to take on the role—and to make matters worse, Edelgard knows her. She could never forget her, or a single moment of that hot summer night when they met in Enbarr.

Worst of all, the professor doesn't seem to remember Edelgard.

AU in which Byleth and Edelgard meet by chance a few months before the start of White Clouds.

#fe3h #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #edelgard von hresvelg #edeleth #byleth eisner #byleth x edelgard #fire emblem fanfiction #fe3h fanfic #my loathe letter to the past perfect tense #hubert's here but only in chapter one and like for five seconds at the end of the story that is as of yet unwritten #this started out as an earnest attempt at writing smut but it ended up becoming almost 20k words before anyone even kissed sooooo #if we're being honest this is two character studies in a smut trenchcoat #with a dumbass framing device that just exists to twist a knife #fun fact: this actually was like the third fanfic i ever wrote. i started it not too long after wrapping up shared space #then it spiraled out of my control so i've been sitting on it #i dunno i think ~12k words of preamble to agreeing to have sex is fine. if that's not your scene that's on you #someday i might work up the courage to post the next part #but if you thought the purple prose and self-indulgent pseudointellectualism were bad in these two chapters i will warn you #i'm just getting started #i have not even scratched the surface of how unsexy i can make a purported sex scene

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tfw youre hanging out with friends and u throw out controversial take after controversial take #like its me hi im the hater its me #u wanna hear them? i mean thrm in in like the silliest way possible. its not that serious lol #i hated h4n solo growing up and still do. i dont think i like the writing of ne1l gaim4n and only liked the 1st season of g0od 0mens #i thought the 1st season of 0ur flag was fine and didnt really like the 2nd. i dont think anyone in l0rd of the rings is hot. especially #not 4aragon. leg0las is like whatever. sam is my favorite character. i also didnt like l0rd of the rings when i 1st watched it #the gathering was a watch party for that 1st movie and i like it way more now lol. also i dont like overt romance. i like the implication #of romance. if u kiss onscreen im like 99% of thr time not interested. also while im being a hater. i dont thibk steven king is a good #writer and domt like his books. i like the idea of them. wish they were written by anyone else lol. also im too dyslex1c to read physical #books :-( which no one vibes with bc everyone's a grad student overachiever lol. and back to back it all sounds like im trying to b #contrary but i promise its maybe just that i have weird standards. like i also hated movies about animals growing up. it made me mad that #those movies were trying to manipulate my feelings. like jesus child chill tf out. i would also randomly decide i hated lots of things and #characters. some of which i stand by today but most of which im like lol chill #so idk maybe i just have bad opinions. i also wander the earth wearing outfits that i pick out bc it feels like im playing dressup #and i have unhinged options abt narut0. sas and naru fall into the 1% of kisses i care abt lmao #and unhinged options abt bleach the show. idk maybe im just kinda weird. i also study organisms that most ppl look at as globs of goo #and i used to study bits of dirt. my brain was just build ever so slightly weird. not too weird. just enough that i have quote unquote #controversial takes ans im not afraid to say them in a room full of ppl who disagree with me bc its really not that serious lol #i dunno i just think its kinda funny i guess #im just slightly weird in the least interesting way possible #unrelated #also i don't yuvk other ppls yum im just like ay not for me i guess

[cephalog0d]

Me: I'm not going to keep reading Gotham War as it releases, I'll just wait until it's over and just get angry once at the end instead of being angry every week.

Also me: *does not do that, keeps reading the garbage fire, keeps getting angry*

#look it's not like i don't get the point here and it's not even like i can't see BITS of good stuff #like i haven't complained at all about bruce because yeah i get what they're doing and that's fine #SOME of the characters have had MOMENTS of good writing #as long as you ignore the core premise and how fucking stupid it is that any of them are going along with it #and you only care about the main four Batboys and are willing to accept some real up and down writing #and don't care at all about duke or steph or cass since the people writing this CLEARLY don't #everyone who argued that the premise isn't totally terrible because the kids aren't SUPPORTING selina they're just not fighting her #owes me $20 and an apology after Batman 138 explicitly negated that argument #also the timeline continues to be a goddamn mess and everything is contradictions but whatever it's not like it's a giant PLANNED crossover #where you could have figured this stuff out #i want to suckerpunch whoever brought scandal into this what are they doing to my girl i hate this #i dunno man i have a lot of thoughts that boil down to 'this didn't have to suck this bad' and it's a shame that it does #Batkids teaming up against Bruce because he's out of control? I am actually very on board for that! In theory! If it was good! #alas #comics talk #gotham war

[birdmenmanga]

the pacing of birdmen... -_-

#just thinking thoughts... #it's not bad but... it's not good?? #I think there were too many pieces that she was trying to move around concurrently #so much so that when something 'goes off' so to speak #it doesn't feel well-timed or impactful #and things don't really tend to parallel each other either #I dunno I feel like the scale of plot was much more... digestible in kks?? #where like you start off with what yoshimori's doing #and then you slowly add in the shadow org and then build masamori's nefarious plot on top of that #the shadow org stuff is what typically spices up yoshimori's life pushing what we perceive as plot progression in the story #in the immediate foreground #and meanwhile sumiko's existence (and though the readers don't know it at this time) and her nefarious plot with tokimori #are ALSO simmering in the back at this time #I think it feels less overwhelming becuase in kks you have this concept of 'shadow org' first #which gets further broken down into 'night troops' 'coucil of 12' (13? i forgor) 'the leader' 'actually that's a fake here's the REAL leade #and because it's sort of just fine-tuning the details of this big thing #it doesn't feel like multiple factions to keep track of the way 'american flock' 'the eves' 'the mutants' 'chinese flock' etc. feel #it's so frustrating... I think the pacing at the end of kks and at the beginning of bm was good #but I think bm's pacing was a compressed version of kks's #in the sense that the end is a lot denser than the beginning #but whereas kks was too loose and directionless in the beginning #bm was too woven and dense at the end #SAD #SO SAD #MISS TANABE YOU CAN DO IT. YOU CAN CREATE THE PERFECTLY PACED MANGA I BELIEVE IN YOU #stray bird thoughts

[cistematicchaos]

It gets so exhausting having intrusive thoughts sometimes. So many people have no idea what they are and even though I know what they are now, they’re still terrifying. It’s still hard to convince myself I’m not some sort of vile thing with the things that go through my head. It’s like my brain is producing these thoughts but also telling me I should blame myself for having the thoughts it created. 

They happen at the most random moments sometimes and I’m left reeling, like-No, I don’t want to do that. I would never do that. Would I? If I’m thinking it, doesn’t that mean part of me wants to? It’s just such a mindfuck. 

#:/ #intrusive thoughts #It's not really bad rn #but it's only gotten worse as I've gotten older and mh #it's hard some days #to convince myself it doesn't make me some sort of #monster ig #to convince myself not to isolate myself #i can't tell you how scary it was growing up #thinking the monster was ME #not knowing it wasn't my fault #disability #chaos is speaking #this is fine to reblog btw #i dunno if it makes sense but yeah i'm just rambling ig

[flame-shadow]

There's something quite personally satisfying about doing different art on occasion. Like yeah, most people know me for my sketches and character stuff, and that is the majority of what I draw because that's what I enjoy the most. But every now and then I'm like, hey look, I can also draw things that you might think are photographs at first glance, have a bird. And I think that's cool.

[edit: the tags are where the actual post is lmao I am so good at this]

#rambling #i was feeling bad earlier about how i can do good things sometimes but most of what i draw are dumb doodles #but i thought about it a while longer and decided to stop being down on myself. i have range and that's not a bad thing #and i know what i like drawing a majority of the time even if the perceived quality isn't good and that's not a bad thing either #sometimes i just have to let the feelings stew for a bit #// #i wrote everything before the slashes last night but i drafted it in case it was incoherent or too prideful #after a peer review from myself after I've had some sleep #i think it's fine #and i want to post it because i think it's good to feel some pride in what i create and how i do it #it's an annoying and long process to not be down in myself sometimes but it's worth it #and i dunno maybe sharing my roller coaster of a process will help others try to be kinder to themselves too #and find things to be proud of in their own art

[skhardwarevers1]

I need the secret third thing between sleep and death right fucking now

#I thought it was Thursday it’s not so there goes my plan of joking abt this #Everything I’ve done today has left a terrible feeling in me idk why #So I kinda just wanna cry rn even tho like everything’s fine. Literally nothing bad happened #But everything /feels/ bad. You know. Like *I* specifically feel bad for just doing things #I dunno maybe I just need to log off for the night and chill #Overthinking it too much maybe #S.K thinks

[mummer]

it appears i without fail become intensely uncomfortable whenever a man expresses that he is attracted to me Which could mean nothing..

#matching w men on dating apps because they look pleasant and seem like they would be fine to talk to #surely that’snnormal and not worth discussing… #UUUGGGHHHHH #i thought this was just residual bad feeling from various Things that happened to me in high school #buuutttttt i dunno #personal

[peapod20001]

Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

#vent #ok. so #I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened! #I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real #I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face #now don’t judge me but #I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha.. #I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried #and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around #whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you #hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone #I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎 #mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here #can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess #I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman #oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out #haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth? #oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways

[sleepys-sunny-garden]

hi friends i am definitely mentally stable 👍 (< lying)

#alistair rambles #ummmm yeah #so #i uh #i relapsed 👍 #it was really stupid i wasn't even thinking i didn't realize it was happening and then i looked down and there was blood and #yeah #i dunno #it's not like i made it a ridiculously long time but 18 days is the longest ive been clean since like august #and im really disappointed that i fucked that up #oh well #not much i can do about it now #i just wish these cuts would stop hurting #i can't deal with this on top of my cramps and my headache and my exhaustion #not to mention i had a really bad nightmare last night so i didn't sleep very well #and im dehydrated as fuck #shit yall i thought i was doing good again #fuck. #okay. yeah. whatever im fine #tw relapse mention #tw self harm #vent #tw blood #< eh kind of #yeah. today's been a day.

[lvllns]

it’s just frustrating bc i had to wait until my diploma got here and now i’m waiting for a response from a professor still and it’s just like. i could’ve been done with this already but noooooooo.

#reed.txt #had to scan the diploma for proof of qualifications which is. so weird to me lmao. #i was fully prepared to have to pay to send transcripts #and they were like 'nah as long as you upload the qualifications we can check it that way' like WHAT? IT'S THAT EASY?! #i am also like. shaking anxious chihuahua about the whole fucking things because like. i want this so bad it hurts. #*thing not things ffs #i'm just a walking ball of anxiety and stress for the foreseeable future i guess whatever it's fine #anxious about getting this done and submitted. anxious about having to wait to see if i get in. anxious about a million things. #stressed abt the personal statement too tbh gotta. rewrite that i think. #welcome to today's episode of reed has a fucking breakdown about grad school application #*their. i missed a word. i'm going to climb the walls. #the deadline i thought was for on campus september start dates. the online october start doesn't even have a deadline LISTED. #i'm operating under the assumption that it's early september so like i have time but i'm just. i want this to be out of my hands. #i love. having. adhd and anxiety. it's great. not debilitating at all in the slightest. #negative cw #i guess i dunno i'm just screaming into a pillow at this point

[gamebunny-advance]

Let's Play a Game

Send me a character to my ask box that you associate with me. I'll draw the first 3 I get, up to 6 if I get that many.

#kind of a variation of the six fanarts thing #but this time specifically characters that you associate with me #right now i'm focused on working on my vtuber stuff #but i want to doodle some other things in between that #this is kind of a proto-milestone celebration #we keep getting close but as soon as i get a new follower #i seem to lose a different one and i'm not sure why~ #most of the newbies aren't bots as far as I can tell #so i dunno what's happening #maybe some people don't like that i post nearly everyday now UoU. and that's fine~ to each their own~ #since i'm rambling my new human rob doodle got a little more steam than i thought it would #for such a bad sketch #the power of just one popular person reblogging your thing is something to appreciate #so do consider reblogging the stuff that you like #likes aren't useless but a reblog does a hundred times more <3 #except this post. #i don't want it to accidentally become viral by being an art meme. so this one stays here. #make your own post if you're inspired by the prompt: that's what i did

[thatdemiboymess]

Turning up the music to max volume and laying facedown on the bed because the mental health has hit rock bottom like DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT--

Thoughts of self harm and maybe suicidal ideation in the vent in the tags. Sorry.

#irl #vent #self harm mention #self harm #i am not having a good time today at all chat #my brain is giving me the itchy little localized signals in my wrists that are connected to the Bad Thoughts and Horrible Coping Mechanisms #and like honestly i feel like i should be fine but im not #shit sucks #almost started crying because i realized i forgot to grab some new exfoliating gloves while i was at the store #gonna be eating nothing but ramen and potatoes this month #im lonely and life feels like a really shitty time loop and im probably never gonna be able to get my cats and bring them here #because i need to somehow manage to save up $500 just for oet deposit and pet rent #when everything is month to month to month #i dont have any friends and i dont talk to my family and i sincerely feel like i could die and the only person that would know would be #my partner and even then thats because we live together #and when i do finally die its not like anyone will have known me #people that i should or used to be close with will find out eventually and theyll all call me by a name that isnt mine #using pronouns and words and descriptors that misrepresent me as a person #ect ect ECT #whatever #like whats even the point honestly???? #i dont know what im doing here i just feel like a huge burden to everyone around me #dssi is barely enough for groceries but its not like i can get a job near me being legally blind #im just a big ol burdensome money sink lolol #just an overly needy little waste of space #i dunno #i dont know shit anymore #im so fucking tired all the time man #im just #so tired

[birdmenmanga]

the easiest fix is just to use Noé but I wonder if it would be weird to have the diacritical?? Like I'm not putting the diacriticals on ouwei's name...

#just thinking thoughts... #anime ace doesn't even support the diacriticals needed to accurately write ouwei's name lol #huh idk... I feel like it's different because portuguese fundamentally uses the same writing system as english #whereas english is just doing its best to capture chinese #also noe is already like. that mfer from vnc #I dunno if I'm ready to compete with that #like de was very brave to use harry (harrier cough) in a post rowling world but they did it just fine #I think it's probably okay if I want to use noé... #I know I picked noah in part because I figured it would be easy to have a name that was also japanese and pronounced the same way #like mario for example #but somehow I feel like mario is even worse. like just as a reality for him. girl he is going to get bullied at school so bad #BRO WHATEVER ! HE'S GOING TO BE NOÉ IT WILL BE FINE... #thank FUCK I didn't have anyone say his name in the trailer my god. #could you imagine the cringe. crawling back to a va and going hiii I messed up on this line... can you re-record