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writemywaytoyourheart · 1 year

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I need to write this out because I am a MESS right now :’-)

Chip, you’ve got to be one of the MOST underrated authors here because I binged “Aim for the Heart” in three days and I have never cried so much over a literal fanfic before 😭😭 it’s just so beautifully crafted and no words can describe the story between MC and Jungkook being two sides of the same coin trying to heal their broken selves from their past and falling in love with each other. THE SYMBOLISM TOO I CANNOT— the flowers, the shoe laces, colour symbolism, drawings— it just ALL came back and nothing was ever put in the story as filler IM SOBBING 💕

The way they both came into each others lives and so deeply and fundamentally changed each other- MC showing Jungkook that it’s okay to love and be weak and that it’s not something to be ashamed of; she gave him a sense of purpose other than solely killing to support his mother. She let him see the good the world is capable of 🥲🥲

On the other side, Jungkook helped her see how beautiful she was this whole time, (the metaphor with the Japanese bowls!!!) and that she’s more than her past (which could also be said for him too I’m still crying 😭) + there is beauty in things that are broken and the way he just loves her is so AUGHHHH 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️ if that’s isn’t true love then idk what is because I don’t ever want anything other than that

There are also so many parallels between Jungkook and Taehyung and Mina and MC. The situation being that one of them pressured the other to do something they didn’t want to do. I’m MC’s case, she wanted to leave the dirty business behind but ended up hurt and dragged into it against her will. In Jungkook’s situation, it’s flipped, where Taehyung wanted to protect him and instead, became a vicious killer, allowing himself into that role by his decision alone.

As for Mina, lemme just say this 💀

There’s honestly so much more I can say about just how amazing this story is 😭 at first I found it hard to get behind MC’s overall demeanour because she made me cringe a big ngl, but I ended up really loving her and how she is meant to represent a sense of childhood innocence because she allows herself to be comfortable as she is, this expressed through her fashion, room decor, eating habits + love for sweets, and Barbie movies— something which Jungkook struggles with within himself and his mental and physical scars (like when he hates the feeling of water running down his back due to his childhood abuse).

Btw I always wondered at the end whether MC could have just looked back in her photo gallery to see the selfie she took with Jungkook when she had lost her memories tho? Lol 😩

Thank you for bringing this into the world 🥲😌😭 I need to find a happy fic to read now because I’m still SHAKEN.

It took me longer than I wanted it to to answer this ask 😔

Tbh, I feel so comfortable writing for characters and getting certain messages across to readers through their words, but when it comes to me writing stuff that comes directly from me, I always feel lacking.

I never feel satisfied with how I've answered an ask whether it be a response to a small heartfelt greeting from a nonnie or long meaningful paragraphs.

I'm always afraid that someone is going to feel like I didn't answer them with as much love and gratefulness as I'm trying so hard to fill it with, that I'm not genuine. Even when I had so few followers and a single ask every once in a blue moon, I was so so so so excited and grateful every time and I'd read it over and over again before getting the courage to answer it. It still happens to this day lol.

I hope you know how much this ask means to me. Again, it took me far longer than I thought to answer it, but I just couldn't come up with the words to show how much it truly means to me. I still can't.

AFTH has such a special place in my heart, and when people love it, it feels like my heart explodes into a million pieces in the best way possible.

There have been so many many nights and days where I had panic attacks because I realized how I could've made it better with a simple word change, how people will think I dragged it on just to mess with people, how people would think it's cringe or a waste of their time to read. How someone might like it in the beginning and then decide they couldn't care less about the characters and leave. That hurts the most in a way.

I love my characters so so much, it's so comforting to see you love them all even if it took time to warm up to some 💝 but you're right Mina can go take a long walk.

I still feel like it's lacking in so many ways I wish I could go back in time and fix.

But it's asks like this that calm my heart more than anything else can. Even with my thousands of mistakes and regrets, the fact that you could love it so much... It hurts in a good way.

As much as I hate to admit it, I know that it's very connected with how I feel about myself. The fear of failure is so strong whenever I post.

I didn't know for so long why I was so afraid, but i finally admitted it to myself. I trust y'all enough to put a part of my diary here T-T

There are so many authors, hundreds of millions of trillions of books in this world. Why would someone pick up mine? How would it even get seen even if it turned out perfect?

I feel like being an author is like being an artist. Either you make it, or you don't. And a lot of it has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with luck. And yet I doubt I have either of those.

I'm scared to put myself out there, because I'm scared of the confirmation that no one wants me.

This ask though. It helped to push those thoughts back onto the back burner. You understood so much of what I was trying so hard to convey in that story. And it touched you. And that's what I wanted so desperately.

Thank you so much for loving aim for the heart, for even giving it a chance at first. I know it's long. Btw you binged over 1200 pages in three days. That's a big ass book lol so you are impressive I must say 😭 yall are truly a different breed. I finally found my people 😂 the fact that you GOT so many of my little details in there is so AGHHH

Anyway, enough of my blubbering. Again I'm not even satisfied with this. But oh well. As long as you know how much this meant to me and how many times I read this over and over again bc it was such a beautiful and comforting ask.

I hope I can continue to give you works that make you feel like this 💕💕💕

ILY 💖

-chip

p.s. you are right, I'll have to go back and see but I don't think I put in there why she didn't see the pictures, I had intended to but forgot lol, nice catch 😉 let's just say she has a different phone 🤪

#asks #ashbxnny

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hey-its-nonny · 3 years

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So, thanks to the lovely @themerriweathermage, i can repost all of my chapters of in between!! Again, a huge, huge, thank you, love. i can’t tell you how happy i am about this.

Chapter one of In Between!

i’m super excited for this!! hope y’all like it!!

note: this first chapter will start out (and maybe end) in Legolas’ POV just for somewhat of his backstory. the rest will be told from your POV!!

~~~

The battle was over.

Burials for the dwarves had come and gone, and while Tauriel was grieving over Kili, Legolas was left with a broken heart over the she-elf in question. He just didn’t understand. Tauriel was supposed to be the one. At least he thought so.

Was there something wrong with him? His father would have told him so. He didn’t understand why it stung so harshly, but he supposed that was the risk you took when you fancied someone.

But, a broken heart didn’t really matter now, did it?

The truth was that Tauriel had all too quickly slipped out of Legolas’ grasp; and there was no getting her back. Like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode in his face, it had only been a matter of time before Tauriel slipped away from him. So, he traveled for months to meet a man by the name of Strider.

At first, Legolas had lost his sense of just about everything. He knew where he was going, but he didn’t want to find his way there. Everything he’d loved had slipped out of his grasp in a matter of weeks, and he had no power to stop it.

That’s what he hated: being unable to change things in his life. He was a prince, for Valar’s sake. Changing things to get what he wanted was quite literally what he was used to. He understood that he was privileged, although his father said he’d deserved every bit of what he got, unsurprisingly. Somehow, though, he felt he didn’t.

Just like he didn’t deserve Tauriel.

But, as his walked on with his thoughts tormenting him every waking second, he bumped into something- or someone, to be precise. While lost in his thoughts, Legolas’ feet had taken him to a small village -somewhere near Rivendell- he guessed, judging by the forests and whatnot.

It was a man. He’d bumped into another man. Upon realizing this, the elf froze, his senses coming back to him quicker than he’d lost them. He murmured an apology to the man, and the hooded figure nodded, quickly turning to go on his way.

Legolas realized he didn’t know where to go next, so he went to ask the man. “Do you know a ranger by the name of Strider?” He called, stopping the man in his stride. “Who’s asking?” He replied, low voice ringing in the almost eerie silence.

Legolas somewhat scoffed. “I am.” He stated, knowing full well what the man meant. He was angry and hurt, so a little sass or sarcasm could be expected from the elf. Who would blame him?

Apparently, you would.

Laying the pile of wood down, you readjusted the strap of your pack as your combat knives found their way into your hands. “Answer the question properly.” You spoke out, causing the elf to flinch. Cute. A fight prior to this meeting had put you in a bit of a sour mood, so any further irritation would only make things worse.

Legolas turned and faced you, eyes slightly narrowed, making it evident he wasn’t in a good mood either. “Legolas of th-“ He started, cutting himself off to correct himself. “Legolas Greenleaf.” He stated, turning to face Aragorn once more. “Now, answer my question.” He returned, raising a brow.

You shared a quick look with Aragorn, a questioning gaze evident on your features. “Strider.” He answered, and your expression phased into a calm one. You never really trusted people easily, and this elf would be no different, no matter how pleasant his face looked. Whenever Legolas heard this, however, he looked a bit embarrassed.

You smirked, leaning against the tree with a quiet hum. Aragorn grabbed both yours and the elf’s attention as he spoke up, removing his hood. “Why are you searching for me?” He asked, hand readily reaching for his blade. The bitter cold made this exchange far more intense than it should have been, but the elf showed no intentions of harming either of you.

The elf cleared his throat, searching for the answer to that question. “I merely wish to follow along whatever path you choose to take.” He said after seconds of silence, bringing down his ego as best he could. “Companionship, if you will.” He clarified, earning a distrustful, yet knowing exchange between you and Aragorn.

You walked over and pulled Aragorn aside, hoping to get out of ear’s reach from the elf. It took a while, but once you both were far enough from him, you whispered, “Are you going to let him follow us?” You asked, nodding in the elf’s direction.

The man huffed. “Perhaps. I cannot fully trust him yet, but I feel that it may be good to have him around.” He admitted, gazing at the leafless trees that surrounded you. You sighed, brows furrowed. “I don’t know if it is a good idea,” You replied, uncertainty and caution churning your insides. “but I trust your judgment.”

“We’ll have to take night watch, though.” You added, earning a chuckle from the man. “Let’s get a move on, then.” You sighed, trudging through the woods with Aragorn trailing behind you. A hopeful Legolas met your gaze, searching for any signs of confirmation. He didn’t get anything, though.

You simply grabbed your pack and firewood, tightened your tunic, and went on your way. Aragorn spoke up one final time, doing the same as you. “We do not stop until nightfall.” He stated, earning a swift nod from the elf.

~~~~

Hours later, you all finally found a resting point in a cave and started a fire, gathered around it in attempts at gaining some warmth. Aragorn had gone to scout the surrounding area, leaving you shivering and alone with Legolas. As you huddled close to the fire, shaking due to the cold, Legolas stood, walking over to the pack he’d brought.

He pulled out a thick cloak, walking over to offer it to you. “Take it. You need it.” He quietly stated, draping the fabric over your shoulders. The warmth was almost instant, and you allowed a sigh of relief to escape your lips. “Thank you.” You smiled, to which the elf nodded.

Suddenly, your curiosity got the better of you. You peered at the elf from across the fire, staring into the sky blue eyes he possessed. “Where are you from?” You asked, trying to pass the time. “Mirkwood, as they call it now.” He answered reluctantly, though he seemed a bit more at ease now. “And you?” He returned, raising a brow as he met you e/c eyes.

You stared at the flickering flames in thought, pondering if you should give the elf an answer. It was only fair. “I don’t remember.” You quietly admitted, a solemn expression on your face. “My parents passed when I was young. I’ve been with Strider ever since. He’s like a brother to me.” You explained, earning an almost sympathetic look from the elf. What were you doing?

You stood before he could offer pitiful condolences and drew both of your knives. “Speaking of Strider, I am going to search for him. Excuse me.” You quickly blurted, gently folding the cloak and setting it down.

You rushed out, internally scolding yourself for such foolish behavior. You searched for Aragorn, wondering what possibly could’ve taken him so long. After a while, you came upon a slight clearing, the silence heavy over the bitter air.

Then, you heard it. Orc voices could be heard nearby, and you assumed Aragorn was with them. You cautiously padded through woods, making no noise as you passed. You counted twenty five orcs surrounding Aragorn, preparing yourself for battle.

Then, quicker than the wind, you dashed towards the orcs from behind and began slashing at them, taking out four within a minute. But, as fate would have it, you got caught in a fight between two particularly determined orcs. “Run!” You ordered, earning a scoff from Aragorn as he faced the majority of what was left of the group.

You took the two down, your worry for Aragorn outweighing your will to survive. Aragorn fought well, taking down the mindless creatures with a certain grace only Aragorn possessed. Just as you thought you were finished, you caught a glimpse of a blade held at Aragorn’s neck.

“Aragorn!” You shouted, cutting down whatever orcs stood in the way as you bolted for you best friend. Amidst the chaos, you were caught again as another group stole your attention. You fought hard, taking the orcs down with urgency. Luckily, however, an arrow was caught in the center of the orcs head before too much harm could be done.

You looked in the direction from where the arrow came and found Legolas standing there. You finished off the rest of the group with both of the boys’ help, panting slightly once it was over. Without hesitation you went to embrace Aragorn, quietly letting out a sigh of relief. “Please don’t do that again.”

The man returned the embrace, and you pulled him along back to the cave, grateful he was still alive.

~~~~

You sat at the campfire once more, both of your companions sound asleep a little bit away from you. You watched the flame climb the air, relishing in the warmth it provided you. Then, you remembered the cloak Legolas had given you, and you picked up the soft fabric.

You wrapped it around your shoulders and sighed, making sure to keep an eye on the entrance to the cave. You made it a point to thank Legolas for saving Aragorn, unsure of what you would’ve done if things had turned for the worse.

At the end of the day, Aragorn was alive and well, and you had another companion to get to know. Legolas saved Aragorn’s life, and that was all that really mattered to you.

Maybe the elf wasn’t so bad after all.

~~~~

ugh this SUCKED, but it’s done! i’ll probably edit it later, but i just wanted to post it.

@elvish-sky is the only person on my tag list at the moment i think?? pm me if you want to be added, otherwise i won’t remember lol 😂 hope you enjoyed it!

~~~~~

#legolas #legolas x y/n #lord of the rings #legolas fanfic #legolas greenleaf #the lord of the rings #legolas x reader #legolas x you #reader insert #fanfic #lotr fanfic #in between #hey-its-nonny

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

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immj2 13 + 14.11.20 lbs

13.11.20

i’m just gonna skim through this one, coz i don’t wanna dwell on the death and maatam and all.

hahahahahahahahaha riddhima is screaming at god for letting this happen and kabir is like “bhagwaan ko beech mein kyun laa rahi ho, mujhe bhi toh credit do!” i truly love this crazyass fucker.

riddhima continuing to scream at god about vansh jissne “KOI KABHI BURA KAAM NAHI KIYA HAI” ?!?!?!!?!?!?!? sis what the fuck???? first of all, none of us over the age of like...... 7, are truly sinless. and THIS MAN PARALYZED AND THREATENED TO KILL YOU MULTIPLE TIMES, FFS.

KABIR IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I AM KABIR

now she trying to throw herself off the cliff and for some reason i cannot understand, kabir is holding her back????? literally why, my bro????? let her die, saaari musibatein khatam. ugh, you still have some kinda residual feelings for her from your not-that-kameena days, don’t you?

asalkdjaldkjsaldkjsalkdjl riddhima ke andar OG prerna ka bhoot chadh gaya, she hitting kabir with danda the way Mother India did dhulaayi of yudi in the disco (still one of the most iconic scenes of tellywood for me, istg)

dude, idk if it’s just ego waale possesive issues or he still has feelings for her, but kabir def wants riddhima to be “his girl”. even after danda beating he’s trying to help her as she stumbles around in sadma.

anyway she sauntered off rubbing that stupid muffler of vansh’s on her face. SIS YOU GONNA BREAK OUT IF YOU RUB SUCH GANDA KAPDA ON YOUR FACE.

5 min of flashbacks of vansh. fwding.

family (dadi, chanchal, and all the rest of the riff-raff) has come back home and ghar is all dark.

weird how angre is also with them. i woulda thought he’d be on whatever tasks vansh set him on, instead of doing mandir yatras with these assholes.

mummy has decided to break news in most non-tactful way ever. wearing all white and has set up photu with haar already.

yeah, requisite screaming and crying blah blah. nahi dekhna.

i’m only here for ishani and angre’s reactions. bechaare look genuinely devastated. i mean dadi does too, but bohut hi zyaaaada overdramatic and i’m getting uncomfortable.

riddhima has returned.

to her surprise everyone already knows. zara dimaag lagao behen, how they even found out before you reached??? (ok no i understand you’re numb from trauma rn and can’t think of all this, but i hope your idiot brain thinks of it later.)

WHY THE FUCK IS DADI YELLING AT RIDDHIMA KI TERE HOTE HUE KAISE HUA YEHHHHHH, WHO THE FUCK IS SHE TO TAALOFY GIANT COSMIC DECISIONS LIKE LIFE AND DEATH????? isse apni khud ki jaan nahi sambhali jaati, let alone someone else’s.

holy shit she’s actually saying, “tu toh uski dhaal thi, uske liye tuney goli khaayi thi, iss baar kaise chook gayi????” MAN, FAMILIES OF DESI BOYS REALLY BE FUCKIN WILDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WITH THEIR EXPECTATIONS FROM BAHUS. one time she took a bullet for him wasn’t enough????? you want her to actually fucking die before something happens to him. god forgive me but i really wanna slap this dadi rn.

mummy cooking up some fucking ridiculousssssss story about gunde in the house and how vansh was chasing them and gaadi khaayi mein gir gayi and god knows whatttt

ok she’s saying siya got the call about it and she was running down the stairs while in shock and now whoopsie daisy, she’s in critical condition (probably in a coma or some shit.)

aryan looks sad at the siya news. thank god this mummy ka niyana has basic consideration for someone else other than himself and his mother.

mummy ka rona dhona drama fwding.

ishani is now yelling at angre. which..... kinda deserved. you’re his safety person dude.

ok too much crying. fwding.

riddhima asking mummy why you lie to family about how he died. mummy like how tf i tell them police dragged him out and he died in an encounter for trying to escape. it’s better for them to not know the truth. which.............. ok fair, but coming from this shadyassss woman......

god this mummy ka ainvayi praising vansh waala scene is going on too long. fwding.

riddhima back to room. some more flashbacks. OUFF. FWDING.

obligatory kamre ka tod-phod scene. FWDING!!!!!!!!!!

fell asleep crying and holding one of his coats.

LMAO ISHANI KA MANN NAHI BHARAA GHAR KE ITNE CASUALTIES SE............ SHE’S LIKE WHAT’S ONE MORE????

dadi slapping ishani for doing what any one of us would do, honestly, so.... whatever. fuck off dadi.

ishani telling 100% truth ki jabse this useless b has entered my bhai’s life, his problems have been never ending, i’m fucking sureeeeeeeeee she’s the reason he’s dead. the only voice of reason in this show, truly.

dadi all WOH EK HAADSAAAA THAAAA, NOONE CAN CONTROLLLL THOSEEEE, oh yeah, not the sentiment that you were expressing to riddhima when she walked in, you stupid old bat. whatever, i’m fwding this scene.

kabir and mishra have entered house. coz they are awwal no. ke sadists. need to get off on watching this family cry and suffer.

LMAO THE LOOK RIDDHIMA GAVE KABIR. HE’S LEGIT SCARED OF HER.

angre bhi staring daggers at kabir. chal hatt, i know for sure you’re behind saving vansh and stashing him somewhere to crawl out whenever it’s the right time.

body nahi mili blah blah blah

lol this one’s face clearly says milegi bhi kaise, main tum logon ki tarah nikamma nahi hoon. i have 16% success rate. it’s low but it’s more than y’all 0%.

lmaoooooo oh DOW DIGGY DIGGY DOW DIGGY DOW DOW, i love you sooooooooo much.

ALSO WHAT A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO MAAROFY THE PUN KI “MAINE VANSH KE VANSH KO MITAAAAA DIYAAAAAAAA” severely disappointed in you, kabir.

yup. appropriate response. to just generally all the men in your life.

lmao riddhima like you arrested vansh ONLY COZ I LOVEDDDDDDD HIMMMMMMMMMMMM. lol the amount of self delusion. sis, his feelings for vansh were faaaaaaar more powerful and intense than anything he ever felt for your dumb ass.

kabir saying there’s nothing left for you here, why don’t you come back to me and lmao............... he tried.

“riddhima nahi. riddhima vansh raisinghania.”

ok whatever you say, sis. i’m just grateful to god this manhoos episode is finally over.

———————————————————————

14.11.20

redo of last scene.

lmao kabir is like I HATED VANSH WAAAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOUR DUMB ASS FELL FOR HIM. YEAH I DON’T LIKE THAT YOU PICKED HIM OVER ME, BUT I’M NOT SO BAD THAT I’D TAKE REVENGE FROM HIM FOR THAT. yeah, dude. he just wanted his money; not youuuuuu. like..... chillll. kahaan se aata hai logon ko itnaaaaa confidence khud pe???

kabir saying i had proof vansh killed ragini, i found his watch there next to the body. she’s like i had it, i took it to repair it, and ragini died in front of me. vansh wasn’t anywhere near there.

lmao she’s back to shoving him around. what an annoying bitch she is.

kabir like did you SEE who shot ragini? no????????? then it could very well have been vansh, right????? plus i got that footage from 3 years ago.

she’s like hein hein heinnnnn where you get it from when i burnt that chip????????? OH NOW SHE’S USING HER BRAINNNNN. SO WAS VANSH THE ONE RENDERING HER SO FUCKING STUPID? NOW HE’S NOT ADDLING HER BRAIN WITH LUST HORMONES, HER 3 BRAIN CELLS ARE FINALLY WORKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! take this as proof, ladies. MEN MAKE YOU FUCKING DUMB AS SHIT BY JUST MAKING YOU BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS THEM.

kabir saying someone from inside the house probably saved it and sent it. and that vansh made all this happen by taking mishra’s gunnnn and forcing them to take the sunsaaaan paaath and he tried to runnn and blah blah blah.

again he’s asking her to come be with him and she’s like gtfo i don’t wanna see your cuteass face anymore, you’re dead to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok she didn’t say the cute bit, i did. i think y’all already knew that. but how to resist??? he sho cute!!!!!!

mishra like this b kuch zyaada nahi bol gayi????

“dil par jo chot lagti hai, woh nazar nahi aati, but ghaav bohut gehra hota hai. yeh dard maine bhi mehsoos kiya tha, jab riddhima mujhe chod ke chali gayi thi vansh ke paas.” heinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn? now he suddenly is/was truly in love with her again???? bhai, tu decide karle, ki if she’s just a pawn to you or something more. ainvayi jhool raha hai idhar udhar.

mishra like, ok whatever, but where vansh’s body tho???

clearly not him. the head shape alllllll different.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS THEY FINALLY PUT RRAHUL’S FINE ASS IN JEANS!!!!!!

again, no wedding ring. dead body is not vansh.

“bhagwaan jaane kahaan chali gayi uski laash.” lmao i really loled the way he delivered the line. i really love him the mostttttttttt.

kabir you are honestly suchhhhhhhhhhhhhh an idiot, if you think not getting his body is a good thing. DON’T YOU KNOW HIM AT ALL??????? AT ALLLLLLLL????? NO BODY MEANS HE’S STILL OUT THERE, BIDING HIS TIME TO FUCKING COME GET YOUUUUUU.

he’s like good, vansh didn’t even get antim sanskaaaar. who knew kabir was sooooo religious??????

vansh so efficient and independent ki khud ka kriyakaram kar raha hai. aatmanirbhar ho toh aise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not before he maarofied his own pocket tho.

“bohut jald iss VR mansion ke aage KR mansion ka signboard hoga.” hein???????? the R in there is for RAISINGHANIA. why the hell would you add one random surname to your name??????

YEAH. I KNOW THOSE CHITTAAA-ASSS EARSSSSSSS.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BHAGWAAAAAAN NE MERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SUNNNNNNNNNNN LIIIIIIIIII THEY MADE HIM SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ASALKJDLKJDSLAKJDLASKAS

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG THE DUMBASS FAKE DEEEP VOICE IS GONE TOOOOOOOOO ALKSDJSALKDJLASKJDLSAKJDLASKJDLASKJDLKJLKS I JUST

styling also EXAAAAAAACTLY HOW I LIKE IT.

helllllllllllllllllllllllo hunny. NOW YOU’VE MADE THIS SHOW FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY WORTH WATCHING. bas thodaaaa saa tharakkkkk ka maska i need to make my tellywood viewing experience sooooooo much easier. AUR WOH MUJHE AAAAAAJ SE MIL GAYAAAAAAAAAAA.

ok 13 days later.

bitch looks better after going through life-altering trauma than i do on my most stable mental health days.

talking to portrait about how the misery is unending, etc. etc.

kabir still calling her. WHY??????? dude just take the L and move the fuck on.

lmaooooooo mummy is like 13 din rone ki acting kar karke aankhon ki band baj gayiiiiii.

standard mwahahahahaha we succedded bufoonery from too complacent evil ppl. dumb dumb dumbbbbb!

but let’s admire this evil cutie bean.

riddhima’s mangalsutra which she justttttt set down on that bureau missing. she in a panic.

ofc these two are behind it.

ishani wants the truth about that dayyyyyyy and aryan jumping in about how riddhima never loved vansh and just always doubted him and blah blah.

my question is since when aryan loves vansh bhaiiiiiii so much huh???????

anyway. this happens. and those two are left plotting some more about getting the truth out.

VIHAAAAAAAAAAAN is the new name.

seeeeee????? i knew his ass had some lucrative skill in the current economy. he some tech bro types.

CAN YOU BELIEVEEEEEEEEE THEY HID THAT FUCKING JAWLINE AND THOSE DIMPLES UNDER THAT BEARD FOR 5 WHOLE MONTHSSSSSSSSS. FUCKING HUMAN RIGHTS CRIMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unf, boy got cake. that ass just needed shirali to stay tf away from it.

also askdjalskjdlsakdjlaskjdlkj they turned ragini’s container waala room into his hacker man cave. what a wonderfully multipurpose room!

honestly, i’m just soooooooooo relieved i can just watch this show for eyecandy now. kaleje ko suchhhhhhhh thandak, yougaizzzzz.

banda khud vansh ke net worth (5000 cr.) ko dekh kar hairaan pareshaan. yeah, this much wealth accumulation is fucking immoral, asshole. you vansh did deserve to get thrown off a fucking cliff.

show laaaaaaaaaakh convince karne ki koshish karle ki yeh koi aur hai, my bullshit meter says it’s vansh vansh and no one else but vansh.

unrealistic af, someone PRINTING photos out in this day and age. what kinda tech person are you???????

lmao he’s checking out each photo for each family member and the commentssssssss.....

rudra chacha and chanchal chachi: “kaafi expressive faces! koshish bhi kare chupaane ki toh bhi chupaa nahi paa rahe ke lomdiii hain yeh ghar ke.”

aslkdjaslkdjlsakjdlskjdlksj i already like him better than old vansh.

aryan: “doosron ke bharose jeene waala.”

ishani: “raisinghania hone ka bohut ghamand hai, magar bechaari ki shaadi angre se ho gayi.”

how he know that if he not vansh????? angre not even in this set of pics.

siya: “kehte hain jo chal nahi sakte, unka wifi network bohut strong hota hai..... kab, kahaan, kya pakad le, koi nahi jaanta.”

“aur yeh hai....... RIDDHIMAAAAA....... iss parivaar ka most special aur khoobsoorat member.”

“moh aur maaya...... dono ka mel [...]”

yup, i definitely like this cheeky and cheesy persona better than the murder-threatening-paralyzing shit we had to put up with earlier. happy days, you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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2021ssajka · 3 years

Text

This month has been very challenging for me. (personal post below, you can read it)

From having plans to go back to the Philippines, to cancelling that plans all together. I initially wanted to go to the PH because I wanted this to be my gift for myself as I am graduating with 2 majors. I wanted to visit my family there and spend time with them, as well as my dad (sick).

My dad and I dont have the best relationship, so it has been even more challenging for me.

Ive been in America for 10 years now and this whole time Ive always wanted to go back and be with my family there since I love them very much and they are a big part of my life. Ive always imagined a nice vacation and going on trips with my cousins. Painting in my little terrace of my childhood home. basically reliving my old life when I was 12. I still kept that dream till now.

I am only now realizing that, that perception of the Philippines I had in my head is still the vision I had when I was 12. I am realizing now that its a fantasy and not the reality.

------

This planning process for the Philippines was super last minute and impulsive, given the pandemic and me finding out my dads condition is not getting better. I booked a flight right away without any plans whatsoever. I was hoping it would be a spontaneous time where my family would bring me around to places and etc. I was even just fine with just staying home and just being in the company of my cousins that I missed so much.

Everyday since I booked that flight, there were complications and drama rising. My dad has becoming paranoid and his narcissistic ways are coming back and has been triggering me. We have been fighting a lot since then which turned into getting more people involved with this fight. Resulted with me having a major panic attack and meltdown that I do not want to go at all.

All the bad memories I had of him in my childhood came back. Everything was coming back to me- everything that I have burned at the back of my head and forgot about. I thought time has healed me but I was wrong. my past trauma came back and I felt like I was stuck into this trip without knowing what I signed up for.

I was not okay for many days. I felt like I was a helpless child he were able to control, manipulate and emotionally/mentally abuse again. I kept praying.

It was then that the Philippines announced that there were implying a travel ban on the day I booked a flight. I felt that this was God’s interfering in order to protect me from him

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This has been an eye opening experience for me.

Growing up in a traumatic household and moving to another country made me deal with things differently. I realized that me being overly positive and optimistic and being grateful for everything is a trauma response. Its a survival response.

At a young age, My body did not know how to process these traumatic events and emotions so I shutdown. Its like when you have an accident and your body go on emergency mode and you wont feel the pain. I think that is what my body went through. I remember a time when I was a kid and I was numb for a year. It was through art when I tried healing myself and holding on for hope.

for a long time- till now, everytime those events in my childhood are being talked about, i literally have a panic attack and I shut down. I cannot listen to it or talk about it without crying.

When I moved here. I started a new life. I had a clean slate and I tried to forget everything bad that has happened. Its like I cleared out all the bad memories and held onto the good things, thats why I had such a fixation in my childhood in the Philippines because after a while, I only believed that I had a good childhood there. (i didnt have a right grasp of my real past). This also explains the reason why I wanted to visit that place so bad- bc i can only remember the good things, and I had a breakdown when my bad past caught up to me because that no longer existed in my head.

This explains my fixation in my memories of the Philippines in my art work and why I use happy colors. I only saw that place as the “good place” when in reality there are many bad things happening in that country (not only in my personal life).

ive only realized these things now... 10 years later when everything came back to me as flashbacks when my trauma was triggered. and it explains everything in my life especially in my artworks. it explains why I do what I do and I have such empathy for myself because I realize that the artist in me is the kid in me 10 years ago.

-----

I realized that when I moved here, I viewed the Philippines as my ESCAPE. my safe haven, the place I would want to go back to and retire to since this was my home at the age of 14. I had such yearning for that familiarity when I was living in a foreign place that I developed such fantasy in that place.

I started painting when I was dealing through traumatic events in the Philippines, just when I was about to move here. I used to paint encouraging words in my art, having it as my sense of hope in those challenging times.

I guess that still lives on in my today. I still use my art as my sense of escape and I am only realizing that now. I have always mentioned that these landscapes are my “safe haven” and now I understand why. Ive always referred to my art as a “healing act” but i never really understood why.

I realized that my view of the Philippines is different from reality. I made this to be a romanticized place where I had a nice childhood in but that was not the whole story.

------

This is why it is so hard for me to reference anything negative in my work. Ive always used my art as a positive act, to bring hope and encouragement. I still stand with that. I still resonate with my work and it is still valid. but now I see my work as two sided. Its not only that narrative but also the past that I have forgotten about.

I have always had trouble with my art classes because teachers would always push me to do negative emotions in my work- so not just positive but also the negative aspect of the full spectrum of emotions.

This has always been a difficult task for me because I dont want that. My body rejects it. I used art to heal and they would want me to express the nasty emotions here. now I understand why I react that way.

My mother is also a trauma survivor of my dad. So her, my sister and I share these experiences together. This also comes from an immigrant narrative who had nothing on her back when she came to this country, literally building herself up from dirt. My mom is the one who would always teach me to be grateful, to appreciate what we have and to be positive- to the point that thats all I did. to the point that it buried all the negative emotions and memories that I was not able to heal completely and is now still in that place.

--------

its a lot. its like I just found out a different past that I never knew of. but im so glad I figured this out now. Its like I finally have an explanation why I am who I am today. Everything is valid, there is a reason why dealt with that problem that way and I dont regret it.

Im just so glad I finally have answers. It just explains so much and im mindblown lol

I am not comfortable having this as a narrative of my work even if it is probably the main influence of the work i do. Im also not comfortable of talking about this personal story with other people and in my work.

I just refuse being an abuse survivor as my story... I am more than what I have been through... so im trying to figure that out.

I am now trying to know myself again, my full self.

Im excited to see how this changes my work hehe

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12-am-username · 4 years

Note

(If you have time,) imma save the angst for another day— but just, imagine Nene quietly singing "say so" by doja cat while cleaning the bathroom (lol there's an animatic about it too) and then Hanako hears it and teases her LOTS and heck calls her "babe" X'D

say so

(hanako x yashiro nene | oneshot | fluff and crack ish | 1.4k words | SPOILER FREE)

— requested by @aliarosella —

i’m going crasy and HIGHKEY PISSED THAT THIS IS MY THIRD TIME WRITING THE SAME AUTHOR’S NOTE BECAUSE THE WIFI SUCKS HHHHHHH i am okay now. but damn non angst AND spoiler free??? never thought i’d live to see the day HAHA. sorry for the delay since sOMETHING IS ACTING UP. ALSO PLEASE STICK AROUND TO THE END TO READ AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT which is like,,, my third time making the announcement 🤪🤪. (unedited)

“Day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment. I'd let you had I known it, why don't you say so?” Yashiro didn’t think he’d hear it. She wasn’t singing loudly, the song just came to her unprompted as she cleaned the girls’ bathroom. At least, to her it wasn’t loud. From the corner of her eye, she could see the mokke having a small dance party, jumping from sink to sink. She supposed that the mokke didn’t mind her singing. Unbeknownst to her, neither did the apparition of the bathroom.

“Didn't even notice, no punches left to roll with. You got to keep me focused, you want it, say so.” Hanako came from the rooftop when he heard someone sing in the bathroom. It sounded like Yashiro, but his ears couldn’t believe it. Once he saw though, there was no denying it. She had her eyes closed as she mopped the floors. He quietly rested atop the door to the third stall, almost cat-like. He rested his head in his hand as he watched her dance with the mop as a smirk formed on his face.

“It's been a long time since you fell in love. You ain't coming out your shell, you really ain't been yourself.” Yashiro continued to dance her heart away while mopping the floor. Hanako’s eyes softened as he watched her give her soul into the song. The smirk on his face slowly turned into a smile, his eyes never leaving her figure. She’s really cute like this, he thought, especially when she’s not yelling. He quietly snickered to himself before resting his head in between his arms. “Tell me what must I do—do tell, my love—'Cause luckily I'm good at reading.”

“I wouldn't bug him, but he won't stop cheesin’. And we can dance all day around it.” Yashiro spun around, a smile on her face but never looking up. She danced with the mokke, who seemed to be repeating the phrases like background singers. They jumped around, occasionally sliding across the floor. She let out a giggle as she set down the mop. The floor seemed clean and shiny, all that’s left to do is to let it dry. She removed her gloves and set them to the side. “If you front then I'll be bouncing. If you want it scream and shout it, babe. Before I leave you dry—“

Perhaps she mopped the floor too much. Maybe she didn’t pay attention to where she cleaned. She figured that she was lost in the song that one part of the floor was clearer than the rest and didn’t notice. Or maybe it was all in her head and that she was naturally not thinking at that moment and really thought it was a good idea to step on the recently cleaned tiles. It was definitely the last one that caused her downfall. Literally. She barely had time to react as she found herself getting closer to the ground. She let out a shriek as she raised her arms to her face.

“Gotcha!” Yashiro opened her eyes, mere inches away from the floor. Arms wrapped securely around her waist, she turned to face a smiling apparition. His face was closer to hers than the floor as his grin only grew. His teasing smile did not make her cheeks flush. No, that’s not what happened, it certainly didn’t make her breath hitch. It definitely didn’t make her want to hide her face. It undoubtedly didn’t make her stomach fill with butterflies. It certainly, unquestionably, definitely, did not make her heart race.

“Ha-Hanako-kun!” She stammered. Yashiro liked to believe that she wasn’t fast. When running, she found herself at the average level. Not an impressive feat, but she found herself moving faster than the beating of her heart as she tried to stand up. However, Hanako didn’t let her escape from his grasp, only tightening his hold on her. His smile softened, something Yashiro was grateful for until she found his hand inching closer to her face. Instinctively, she closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to hide from him. However she was, undeniably, not closing her eyes for a kiss.

“You never told me you could sing.” Huh? Yashiro opened her eyes. His hand brushed a stray lock of her hair from her face. His touch was so gentle. Maybe it was because he was an apparition, or maybe it was affection. Her train of thought stopped as she recalled his words. Her cheeks flushed a bright red as Hanako smiled at her. He wasn’t teasing her, at least, she thought he wasn’t. Did he hear her sing? That’s a stupid question, he probably did. How long? Why didn’t he say anything? Did she sound bad? Did he like it? Why should she care if he liked it? Why is she not asking these questions out loud?

“You’re a good singer, Yashiro. I could listen for hours.” Her blush worsened as her eyes grew wide. She stuttered out incoherent words, her mind raced as she tried to find something to say. Hanako let out a giggle as her eyes refused to look at him. What should she say? She could thank him, but she found her self esteem dropping exponentially. She could ask any of her questions, but she couldn’t find the right one to start with. Her mind came up with a blank as she stopped speaking, even though she knew that the jumbled up words were nonsense. Hanako snickered. “Not a bad voice for a daikon.”

She lunged at him. She hit him in the chest with her elbow, grunting as it made its impact on him. She didn’t expect to fall down with him. Clearly she forgot that he had an iron grip on her waist to prevent them from falling. Except now she fell. She fell on top of him. She unmistakably didn’t fall in love with him. There is no falling in love, just falling. Hanako let out a grunt while Yashiro was debating on whether or not to apologize. On one hand, it probably hurt a lot. On the other, he called her a daikon. A decision was made.

“Don’t ever call me a daikon.” Hanako watched as her expression changed from flustered to pouting. It was cute how her expressions can melt his heart. He let a smirk form on his face as she looked away, blushing slightly. Hanako saw a scale appear on her cheek. When did she get it? Almost like it was second nature for him, he reached out and dried it off. For a moment, they stood still, not moving. They supposed that Akane literally stopped time, but the small movement of her eyes as she stared into his denied it. He must have been staring for a long time, before he let out a laugh.

“Whatever you say, babe.” Nothing stopped Yashiro from backing away. She may have knocked a few mokkes out of the way. Her back met the third stall door as her face flushed pink. Hanako tipped his hat as he walked away from the bathroom, Yashiro screaming out incoherent words. Perhaps it was because he was too far away. He could admit that seeing her annoyed face made his heart leap. Her blushing expression did not keep the butterflies ar bay. While all of that is true, there is no denying one thing: he felt something deeper than butterflies and faster heartbeats when he watched her dance and sing. It was a good feeling. He liked it.

BONUS:

“Day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment. I'd let you had I known it, why don't you say so?” A few days passed as Hanako found himself singing the song too. He sat on the rooftop with Yashiro and Kou as he quietly hummed to himself while they ate their lunch. Yashiro didn’t know whether to feel happy that he liked the song or annoyed that he was probably mocking her. Her thoughts were interrupted by a groan coming from the young exorcist.

“That’s the fourth time I heard that song today!” He exclaimed. His outburst shocked the two, Hanako immediately stopping. They looked at each other, not knowing what to do. Instantly regretting it, Kou slumped down and ran a hand through his hair. Embarrassed, he muttered an apology to them.

“Fourth time?” Yashiro tilted her head in confusion. They spent a fair amount of time together before lunch. How could he have heard that song three times before now? Kou sighed. He didn’t want to tell them, but he supposed it was good to let it out.

“Mitsuba kept singing that while class was ongoing.”

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME:

there’s no doubting that i’m not as active as i was before, and for those who stick around to read my fics i cannot thank you enough for being there. i might not be as active as before since i’m focusing on my studies to prepare for college entrance exams which would be a lot stressful since my wifi is acting up so i sincerely apologize for any delay and thank you all for liking my little fics 🥺🥺 STAY SAFE AND WASH UR HANDS

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #hanako #hanako x yashiro #yashiro nene #yashiro #nene #dear god this is my third time #PLEASE #some mitsukou #a lil bit of koumitsu #small amount of other mitsuba x kou ship names

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gleefail · 4 years

Text

Glee Memories: 1x10 Ballad

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x10 Ballad “Ok, who can tell me what a ballad is?” “It’s a male duck”

ok, I disagree with Schue’s definition of a ballad. “Stories set to music” – um…isn’t that every song? Or is it just in musicals that it’s supposed to be, lol?

“Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio showchoir committee FINALLY paid off” and the look she gives Puck. Haha. This Rachel Berry is funny. Cause they’re letting us laugh at her right along with her. Not asking us to put her on a pedestal and/or take her seriously all the damn time. I’m not even gonna get started. I’m watching this post Props/Nationals, and though I didn’t think it could, my hate has grown. In abundance. Trying to keep it in check. Moving on…

“I bet that duck’s in the hat”

“Matt’s out sick today. He had to go to the hospital cause they found a spider in his ear” Um, ew. Also terrifying. However, humorous nonetheless. And an effort to explain a random absence of a Glee club member. Remember how they used to do that?

Aw, Artie drew Quinn’s name out of the hat. :) 2 seasons later and they’ll get 2 duets (both of which I loooove). Shame they didn’t do it this ep. Romantic or just friends, I ADORE the chemistry with Diana and Kevin. I really wanted to see more of that. :(

omg. Kurt’s face when Finn pulls his name. Adorable. Also, I love that Finn is not cool with it but a year later Sam is totes fine. Maybe that’s just cause I love dudes that are comfortable enough in their sexuality to do things that d-bags in high school might tease them about being gay for. Or maybe that’s just cause I love Sam Evans. Couldn’t tell ya. Except yeah, I totes could. It’s cause I wants a Trouty Mouth to call my very own. *lesigh*

“other asian” Ha!

Brittana!

“The fates talked, Mr. Schue” #BlessFinnsHeart

I love the voice-overs during Endless Love: “Screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me” “I love the days when I wear no underwear” “I never noticed how nice Rachel’s butt is…oh crap! I think Quinn knows I’m staring at it!”

I also love the facial expressions of Rachel and Mr. Schue here. Hilarious.

Haha – Brad’s like “wtf is happening?”

“Crap – she looks crazy right now!” hahahahahaha

Because of Rachel’s realization through this song, it means Lea Michele can’t squint nearly as much. Wow. It’s like a whole new Rachel with her eyes open while she’s singing.

Artie’s face after the duet. It’s like someone stepped in dog poop.

Ok, Charlotte Ross was in a show in the 90’s I used to watch that, if I recall, failed miserably but nonetheless had a brief stint as my guilty pleasure show. And I can’t remember what it is for the life of me and keep forgetting to look when I have access to google it. Anyone?

“I don’t want you to lift a finger for me. I’m your wife!” Oh wow. So unhealthy. So republican. Soooooo some parts of Ohio. These are the folks that voted for Bush. :/ Yep, I’m still ashamed to be from Ohio when I think of that election.

Suzy. Pepper. Yes. I love this actress. Bright and Hannah were my OTP on Everwood. I miss them.

“You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That’s so romantic.”

“Listen, you little psycho, this is Will’s wife, and if I don’t get enough sleep my anti-depressants won’t work, and then I’ll go crazy and I’ll kill you.” Oh Terri. So maternal and loving.

Suzy Pepper is sobbing to More Than Words. That was my jam back in the day!

“Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling…and….inappropriate.”

“Thank God I never missed a piano lesson” – really Kurt? Is this the first and only time we’re to believe Kurt can play piano well enough to accompany someone from memory?

Finn singing I’ll Stand By You to a sonogram dvd on his laptop. I have no words. I don’t think I thought it was this weird the first time I watched it.

So Finn’s mom busts him singing to said laptop sonogram dvd…and he doesn’t close the laptop…or stop the dvd…or try to hide the screen. He sits up next to it as she approaches him, almost begging her to see it. I felt the same way then as I do now – it was an opportunity for him to not tell her necessarily but for her to find out anyways and I think he really wanted her to know so he could go to her for help and comfort and to relieve everything he couldn’t deal with about the situation. I’m just sayin’.

Oh old school Carol with her denim and that hair…she’s still such a great mom though. And this actress. My God. She’s amazing.

“You’re wrong, I’m right. I’m smart, you’re dumb.”

“Dude. Impulse control!” haha

“I dunno why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.” #BlessFinnsHeart

Oh Young Girl/Don’t Stand So Close to Me mash-up. I fell in lust with you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.

Seriously. Matthew Morrison is so hot in this mash-up. Yowzah.

“So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?” “Yes! It means I’m very young and it’s hard for you to stand close to me.”

“You’re a very good performer. He’s very good.”

Finn and Kurt bonding over their lost parents. This is a sweet scene.

“You think I should bring a gun?” #BlessFinnsHeart

“Casserole’s almost ready. Hope you like venison!” Ok. TERRIFYING to come home and find Rachel Berry in an apron, cooking you dinner, in your home.

Hey, remember that time that Rachel literally sang 3 lines of Crush and they released it in its entirety as a single from this episode? Ridonk.

“I found out today that my hamster was pregnant in biology class and I just started weeping!”

Aw, Mercedes and Puck are paired up for duet ballads.

haha. Babygate.

“Finn’s not the father! I am.” People be spilling out their truths to Mercedes y’all.

“Alright, look, you need to get something through your Mohawk real quick: you’re the baby’s daddy. It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father and that role’s already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on cause you have no business messin’ up that girl’s life more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much. ”Aw, Mercedes. Laying down tough love. And looking out for Quinn before they were even friends. Man. I love Mercedes.

Oh that’s right – Quinn has an older sister! Why did we never meet her?

“He wears a helmet when he plays, right?” – THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN’! #BlessFinnsHeart

“I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping.” Hehehehe.

omg. So I love this still. Finn is doing karate moves in the bathroom mirror to pump himself up to sing to the Fabrays that Quinn’s pregnant. That is so effing funny. What happened to this Finn?

You’re Having My Baby. Haha. This song is so cheesy. This scene is so uncomfortable.

So Quinn’s parents, unlike Finn, are NOT simple-minded and have figured it out. And it’s terrifying.

“We didn’t even have sex” #BlessFinnsHeart

Quinn’s parents are kicking her out. Well, her dad is and her mom isn’t standing up to him. This is rough. Especially when you realize they’re supposed to be 15. So wrong. Poor Quinn. And her dad just screamed at her that she was a disappointment. Yeah…she’s had to deal with some shit. And in the end, they don’t acknowledge that she did and try to make her out to be the bad guy, and selfish… Way to go, RIB.

Oh good ole Carol, without a moment of hesitationlets Quinn stay with them.

“Honey, you can stay here as long as you want.” Carol’s the best. So glad she found Burt.

“We’re not so different, you and me. We’re both mildly attractive and extremely grating. Love is hard for us. We look for boys we know we can never have. Mr. Schue is a perfect target for our self-esteem issues. He can never reciprocate our feelings which only reinforces the conviction that we’re not worthy of being loved. Trust me. I’m a cautionary tale. You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Get that mildly attractive groove back.” Suzy Pepper, ladies and gentlemen. Dropping truth bombs.

“There’s some boy out there who’s gonna like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don’t like. Those are gonna be the things about you that he likes the most.” Hmm…might be true. Never thought about this, but I’d say that describes Jesse. But not Finn so much. Maybe recently. But…he has made several comments about her being annoying or controlling as they were dating. And not in a ‘those are my favorite things about her’ kinda way. Just sayin’.

Aw. Kurt seems like he feels really bad about Quinn getting kicked out.

“Open your eyes! I didn’t tell you to close your eyes.” “Is there a cake?” No, there’s no cake!” #BlessFinnsHeart

Lean On Me. Watching this now, with one ep left and it’s graduation…yeah, I’m crying. Dammit, Glee.

haha, Mercedes just kinda pushed past Rachel who was front and center to sing her solo. Probably not intentional but still funny.

Damn, Kevin McHale.

Damn, Amber Riley.

SOLOS: Rachel (1), Will (2), Finn (2), Artie (1), Mercedes (1)

#Glee Memories #Glee #lol Glee #Glee Ballad

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boymeetsweevil · 5 years

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[1/?] I waited for when u posted all of For Science and I just finished binge reading it all and I Love Ur Writing So Much. I literally cannot begin to explain how much I love it, I feel like anything I say will just sound redundant/cliché and no words can express how much I enjoyed this story but I genuinely mean everything: I loved all the character development and relationship developments for starters!!! obviously OC and Jungkook’s but also how OC and Tae and Hobi and Yoori became so tight-

when Jungkook left!!!! because at first it was kinda like she was all about Jungkook and I almost felt bad for Tae and Hobi when she saw them as kinda secondary? but I love how that changed by the end! and I like how Yoori and the nerd squad are closer now, not too polite and more comfortable around each other! even tho I was kinda annoyed at Yoori when she implied Hobi and Tae were kinda inferior to her and OC before but they’re all close now so that’s all that matters I guess lol!! I also really love how there were no boring or slow parts to ur writing, like no unnecessary waffling or description or anything. not to say that u didn’t describe enough or something, it was the perfect amount! I just don’t like when narratives drag and I’m like okay what next lol imo ur writing was just?? Great??? like I can’t fault it now that I’m thinking back? I really love all the relationships with each other and how u resolved everything in a way that doesn’t seem forced or awkward or cliché, like even when OC found out Hobi liked her it could’ve been hella awkward after and he could’ve just went off and they wouldn’t be friends anymore but I love the direction u took this story in! it was so refreshing to me and entertaining to read! u steered thru the whole story well, especially when Jungkook came back. I was pissed at him, rightfully so in OC’s shoes lol, but I like how long FS 7 was and I liked how the slowburn really showed the development and rebuilding of their relationship. if it happened too quickly I was gonna slap myself (OC) for that, and also think ‘wtf we didnt come this far just to jump back into his arms’. literally as I was reading FS 7 I honestly thought to myself “make jungkook work for it” LMAO AND OC DID so I’m satisfied lol!! also the reconciliation scenes with Hobi, Tae and Yoori didn’t seem cliché or dramatic to me if u were worried about that (going off on ur warnings of that chapter) it felt like the right--FUCK MY INTERNET it said part 6 of this long love message to u couldn’t be sent and I can’t entirely remember what I got up to saying 😩 I think I was saying -it wasn’t too cliché or awkward (I cant remember what now but pls know I mean it, I just have bad memory and I’m writing this in real time so minutes have passed between each ask oKaY. I’m just gonna move on) also I love how everything ended with JK and OC’s relationship, but I also love the nerd squad’s relationship and I’m gonna miss their whole group dynamic 😩 sorry i’ve sent so many asks already but as much as I love a good romance, I really love ensemble fics so much (is that even a thing? do u know what I mean? lol) but only when it’s done right! aka when OC has a good/close relationship with all of them/them with each other, and I feel like u portrayed that really well so I love it!!! I love all the characters’ individual personalities too and despite being different in some aspects, they’re still friends. ALSO (I remembered some of what I originally said before that ask was lost) I love their banter and how they have friday game nights and how they’re all so comfortable with each other!!!! okay I’ll stop gushing about the nerd squad now lol hsjfjdj. I can’t remember exactly how I came across ur account, I think I prob saw someone rec FS and I decided to follow and wait until all the parts were out to read (I’m sorry I just love binge reading It’s Who I Am) but I’m so glad I came across u and this story and that I read it :’) lately I feel like I’ve kinda been in a reading slump, if I can even call it that? lol I just feel like anything I read these days doesn’t make me Feel Things anymore so I’m always trying to find good stuff to read but FS made me Feel Things!!! not even just Smutty Things but I genuinely enjoyed the plot, characters, setting, tropes, development, relationships, everything in this fic!!! so thank u for sharing ur wonderful writing with us :^) also I’m sorry this is so long I just properly wanted to convey how much I enjoyed this story thru this love letter for u 💌 I still feel like I prob couldve said things better but I suck with words, take me as I am!!! p.s. pls dont think FS is a flop, idk why there arent as many notes for FS 7 but judging by the notes of previous parts (which is A Lot wowie), maybe it takes some time? FS is definitely one of my fave stories I’ve read tho, i hope u know that 💖 (forget notes, remember MY LOVE!!!)

I really can’t get over this I want to save it and frame it. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out and please don’t apologize for the length, there’s more to appreciate. I’m really grateful for this type of feedback you have no idea. I’m super glad you enjoyed it and that it didn’t fall into your slump. Its a huge goal of mine to be able to make things that people can come back to and continue to enjoy even if they know the plot already. I promise I’m not obsessing and torturing myself over the notes, its more like I’m obsessing over whether or not this thing that I put out into the tumblr universe will have any effect you know? This ask is super reaffirming because I feel like ppl forget sometimes that even if someone isn’t making their first fic, each time you post something is a little piece of something you worked on and putting that out doesn’t get that much easier for me. LONG story short thank you for this and I love you!! I’ve been avoiding my ask box because of finals but im looking through it now and theres so much kindness. thank you so much

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fizzingwizard · 5 years

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I reread the Sherlock Holmes stories at least once a year. Every time, I’m impressed with something new. I’ve really got to start a Holmesian side blog.

For now, enjoy what is basically me live-tweeting “The Problem of Thor Bridge,” although I actually read it a few days ago. Holmes is in his late 40s.

The story in short: A woman has been killed, and the family’s governess is accused, because the woman’s jackass husband is totally into her.

It was a wild morning in October, and I observed as I was dressing how the last remaining leaves were being whirled from the solitary plane tree which graces the yard behind our house. I descended to breakfast prepared to find my companion in depressed spirits, for, like all great artists, he was easily impressed by his surroundings.

We start off with an image of the moody, artistic, disconsolate Holmes, and a depiction of Watson, the guy who knows everything about him.

On the contrary, I found that... his mood was particularly bright and joyous, with that somewhat sinister cheerfulness which was characteristic of his lighter moments.

"You have a case, Holmes?" I remarked.

"The faculty of deduction is certainly contagious, Watson," he answered.

Every. Little. Thing.

Also, please note, sinister cheerfulness.

Watson: Holmes, you’re... happy. Good Lord, who’s been murdered!?

"... We may discuss it when you have consumed the two hard-boiled eggs with which our new cook has favoured us. Their condition may not be unconnected with the copy of the Family Herald which I observed yesterday upon the hall-table. Even so trivial a matter as cooking an egg demands an attention which is conscious of the passage of time and incompatible with the love romance in that excellent periodical."

Ooh. Victorian burn!

"I am getting into your involved habit, Watson, of telling a story backward."

Holmes’s pastime - casually insulting Watson.

Watson’s probable reaction:

By the way, let’s keep track of Holmes burns, shall we? So far he’s roasted both Watson and the poor cook at Baker Street.

"... A revolver with one discharged chamber and a calibre which corresponded with the bullet was found on the floor of her wardrobe." His eyes fixed and he repeated in broken words, "On—the—floor—of—her—wardrobe." Then he sank into silence.

Sherlock Holmes abruptly cutting off, repeating himself in staccato, then getting lost in thought and forgetting he was talking to someone. Just a day in the life of Dr. Watson.

When this sort of thing happens for a prolonged time, Watson has a habit of... falling asleep. Lol. Not that I blame him

Enter Bates, who is a manager for today’s client, Gibson, a gold mining magnate. Bates does not like Gibson.

"Those public charities are a screen to cover his private iniquities."

A breakdown of big business if I ever saw one.

Holmes doesn’t like Gibson either.

"What the devil do you mean by this, Mr. Holmes? Do you dismiss my case?"

"Well, Mr. Gibson, at least I dismiss you."

Holmes Burn Count: 3.

I sprang to my feet, for the expression upon the millionaire's face was fiendish in its intensity, and he had raised his great knotted fist.

Gasp! Someone makes a threatening gesture at Sherlock Holmes, something that surely happens with regularity!

Watson:

We learn Gibson has a crush on his governess, who is accused of killing his wife.

"I could not live under the same roof with such a woman and in daily contact with her without feeling a passionate regard for her. Do you blame me, Mr. Holmes?"

"I do not blame you for feeling it. I should blame you if you expressed it, since this young lady was in a sense under your protection."

Holy cheese whiz, Batman! Don’t hit on your employees! See! Even in a world without bills against sexual harassment in the workplace, this was understood!

"I've been a man that reached out his hand for what he wanted, and I never wanted anything more than the love and possession of that woman. I told her so."

"Oh, you did, did you?"

Holmes could look very formidable when he was moved.

Sherlock Holmes:

"I said that money was no object and that all I could do to make her happy and comfortable would be done."

"Very generous, I am sure," said Holmes with a sneer.

Holmes Burn Count: 4

On a side note, more Holmes actors should sneer.

"Some of you rich men have to be taught that all the world cannot be bribed into condoning your offences."

PREACH IT BROTHER.

"And women lead an inward life and may do things beyond the judgement of a man."

I love how this is just accepted in this time period. Gibson is speaking, and Holmes and Watson are gentlemen, but no one’s going to contradict this statement.

Man: does something completely against his character. Everyone else: How strange! There must be some reason. Meanwhile, Woman: does something completely against her character. Everyone: Well, she’s an illogical woman, what do you expect?

I mean dude. They talk this way in the original Star Trek, which had female character working in high-level positions (albeit not starship captain). And the “illogical woman” line appeared pretty much every time a plot involved a woman. It’s crazy how persistent a stereotype this was. At least “female hysteria” was still considered a Thing in Holmes’s time - by Star Trek’s time it had been dropped since the 1950s.

Anyway, I can’t understand a thing men do.

"[My wife] was crazy with hatred and the heat of the Amazon was always in her blood."

Whenever a character isn’t English, they are assigned some ethnic trait that usually makes them more passionate and unreasonable than English people. The English don’t escape critique, but foreigners definitely feel the burn the greatest. If an excuse can be found to blame something on a character being “tropical” or “fiery” because they’re from the Mediterranean or overseas, it will be used. And it’s usually a female character. (Though probably the one who gets it the worst is the poor Andaman Islander in The Sign of Four, who is a man, but barely even afforded humanity by the text.)

Holmes and Watson travel out to investigate. They meet the local police, who’s grateful to work with Holmes.

"And your friend, Dr. Watson, can be trusted, I know."

This is just how you react when Holmes shows up with Watson, since Holmes’s modus operandi is “Anything you say to me will eventually get back to Watson anyway.”

"Well now, Watson, suppose for a moment that we visualise you in the character of a woman who, in a cold, premeditated fashion, is about to get rid of a rival..."

So there’s an episode of House MD where House asks Wilson to envision himself as his patient, who is a middle-aged Chinese woman. Wilson is like “ok” and House says “Say it.” So Wilson says “I’m a middle-aged Chinese woman.” And House is like, “good.” And clearly it’s from “Thor Bridge” bwahahahaha.

"Your best friends would hardly call you a schemer, Watson, and yet I could not picture you doing anything so crude as that."

Watson Cannot Lie. It Is Known. At least, he cannot lie convincingly for more than a few minutes. Also, he is a Good Guy, Whom Holmes Trusts Implicitly.

(The Casebook has quite a few Watson-validating moments.)

"I can see now that I was wrong. Nothing could justify me in remaining where I was a cause of unhappiness, and yet it is certain that the unhappiness would have remained even if I had left the house."

^This is the governess, Ms Dunbar, teaching us all that a good deed never goes unpunished. I disagree with calling Ms Dunbar the “cause” of unhappiness, as the cause is clearly the husband. Ms Dunbar’s one bad decision was in not putting some form of distance between herself and Gibson. She seems to have thought they were safe as long as they were not being physically intimate, but other forms of intimacy were okay. And, to be frank, it seems not unlikely by the end that for all Gibson’s lack of morals, and in spite of her own, Ms Dunbar loves him back.

At the same time, she’s also right that no matter what choice she made, Gibson and his wife were not going to be happy together. It’s completely Gibson’s fault though. And the fault of a society where leaving a marriage left a black mark.

"How do you know [the murder weapon wasn’t already planted in your room]?"

"Because I tidied out the wardrobe."

"That is final."

Who is she, Marie Kondo?

Holmes did not answer. His pale, eager face had suddenly assumed that tense, far-away expression which I had learned to associate with the supreme manifestations of his genius. So evident was the crisis in his mind that none of us dared to speak, and we sat, barrister, prisoner, and myself, watching him in a concentrated and absorbed silence.

More of Silent, Pensive Holmes and his Rapt Audience. Watson won’t fall asleep when others are around, so instead they all stare at Holmes. Literally. That’s what it says. No one dares speak and they all just stare at him.

Suddenly, as we neared our destination he seated himself opposite to me—we had a first-class carriage to ourselves—

I like that Watson feels compelled to explain this to us this.

and laying a hand upon each of my knees he looked into my eyes with the peculiarly mischievous gaze which was characteristic of his more imp-like moods.

The body language in this passage. Holmes getting all silly and excited. Watson still just staring. This scene is probably the most Guy Ritchie-like it gets.

Also, please note imp-like.

Watson: Get your hands off my knees Sherlock Holmes you adorable fucker.

"Watson," said he, "I have some recollection that you go armed upon these excursions of ours."

It was as well for him that I did so, for he took little care for his own safety when his mind was once absorbed by a problem so that more than once my revolver had been a good friend in need. I reminded him of the fact.

"Yes, yes, I am a little absent-minded in such matters."

Holmes: Hey Watson, are you packing heat?

Watson: Well YEAH, you careless bastard. Someone’s got to prevent your death, since you won’t.

Holmes: YOLO

(Although, it’s more like YOLT, in this specific case.)

"See, Watson, your revolver has solved the problem!"

^After using Watson’s revolver in an experiment which results in the gun falling off the bridge into the depths of the river.

Watson: Thank you, Holmes. I liked that revolver.

Holmes: Psh, quit your bitching, we’ll drag the river for it.

In the end, it turns out the wife concocted a plan for her own suicide that would make it look like the governess murdered her. Although this story would definitely have been better without the racism and sexism, one thing that I can’t help but appreciate is that Gibson, a Generally Bad Guy, is not The Bad Guy, and gets to continue living his rich and ruthless life. On top of that, he’s even rid of his wife who wasn’t beautiful anymore, and potentially going to marry the beautiful younger woman. So he gets no consequences for treating his wife terribly, putting the moves on his employee, or just for being a jackass. Instead, he gets even More. It’s hyper realism. ACD ain’t pulling his punches with this one. /cynicism

And that’s it for “Thor Bridge!” This was very fun for me to do though I doubt anyone will read it! But I’ll almost definitely make more so I can continue to share the running inner monologue that goes on in my head whenever I read Holmes stories. I enjoy snickering to myself with or without an audience.

Our Holmes Burn Count was only 4, though I could have included a few more barbs he threw at Gibson.

This probably doesn’t need mentioning, but all the Sherlock Holmes stories are in public domain so y’all should go read them.

#sherlock holmes #john watson #fizz spams sherlock holmes #the problem of thor bridge

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swiftdec13 · 6 years

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Meeting Taylor 7/27/2018

Ok... Get ready for a WILD ride.

Flashback to May 25, 2018. I flew to Denver to see Taylor with my best friend. He moved across the country after high school and we always make sure that we see a show wherever he is living at the time (he moves around a lot) and where I am, which is always Upstate, NY because I’m a homebody!!!

SO, this is where life started to take a downhill for me. Before getting on the plane, I had a panic attack and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it to Denver. I kept reminding myself, it’s for Taylor, you have to go, it’s for Taylor. I was SO sick the entire time in Denver from anxiety. On show night, we found out that our seats were right at the barricade that Taylor was going to walk through and naturally, I was balling my eyes out, I could NOT believe that I was going to be THAT close to Taylor. I have seen Taylor live 8 times altogether throughout the years and NEVER have I EVER been able to be standing within an arms reach of her!!!!

The show was rough. As I mentioned before, I was feeling SO sick. At one point I legit thought I was going to have to get security to help me out BUT I kept telling myself, you are NOT missing the chance of being able to grab Taylor’s hand, NO WAY NOT HAPPENING. So it was time for her to walk through the crowd and Mitch got mine and his reaction on tape, which was actually really hysterical so I posted it on Tumblr in hopes that Taylor would see it because seriously ya’ll it was priceless.

So, fast forward to June 15. I was laying in bed minding my own business, reblogging my posts as per usual and ALL OF A SUDDEN, my Tumblr starts BLOWING up. Taylor had liked the video of Mitch and I... not only that, she straight up LURKED me and liked 7 things, including a selfie and I DIED. I called Mitchel and was BALLING, I’m pretty sure that he thought an emergency was happening but once I told him, we were both FREAKING out, we couldn’t believe it. Taylor and I have been mutuals for like 4 years and this was the first time she properly noticed me and I was living a dream.

Alright, fast forward again to the beginning of July. I was sitting in the movies with Mitch while he was visiting and my entire body started shaking for no reason. I could not calm it down for the life of me. It continued to shake all night and I felt SO sick. The next morning, the 4th of July actually, I told my Mom for the first time that I thought I was suffering from an anxiety breakdown. We went to on call wondering if maybe it was dehydration but, everything checked out normal. I called my Dr. straight away and the office was closed for 5 days straight. For 5 days, I laid on my couch, sicker than I have ever been in my entire life. So nauseous, my body shaking off and on, it was literal hell. I finally got to the Dr’s. and explained to her that I believed I was suffering from major anxiety that just popped up and overtook me. She agreed and I started to see a therapist and began medicine. Ok, the first night on the medicine, I about DIED, I was so sick, getting sick in the trash can, with a non stop shaking body and I was so scared. I called my Aunt and cried and told her I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move, I just wanted to die. My Aunt came over the next day and we sat down with my Mom trying to figure out what to do and I went to stay with my Aunt for a week because she has been through something similar. That week, was the scariest week of my life. I couldn’t go out in public, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous 24/7 and all I did was cry.

OK, FAST FORWARD AGAIN, so now I’m like 2 weeks into my medicine and the Dr. said about 10 days things should start improving but you don’t see full effects until about week 6. SO, I still feel nauseous daily and my appetite is just starting to return. It’s still difficult to go out in public and my hands pretty much shake non stop, which is really annoying. I keep making myself go out every day because I know that it will be beneficial. SO, it’s a week before the Gillette shows and I had tickets to all three nights. I knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to go with how sick I’ve been. I called Mitch and sadly told him that I had to call everything off, and when I say sadly, I mean, SADLY. I was so depressed. That weekend is all that I was looking forward too all summer and I wasn’t strong enough to go. Mitch being the great friend that he is only cared about my health so he understood completely.

FAST FORWARD to Tuesday, July 24th. I was leaving my therapist appointment and ALL OF A SUDDEN, around 12:30 in the afternoon, I have a DM from Taylor Nation. SO, I try to remain as calm as possible, because, anxiety, and I called Mitchel and staying calm didn’t work out so well. I was SO sick waiting for that phone call. Around 6:45 in the evening, I got a phone call from a New York caller and I FREAKIN’ REJECTED THE CALL BY ACCIDENT. I called back over and over and left a voicemail and talk about SICK. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, and my stupid body was shaking again, and I thought that was my one chance to meet Taylor and I freakin’ BLEW IT.

SO, the next morning, Wednesday, sick as shit again, I just prayed to GOD that they called me back. A little after 11 in the afternoon, I got a call again from a New York number and it was Taylor Nation and PHEW thank you LORD. SO I gave her all of my information and she was super nice. Later that day everything was confirmed for meeting Taylor Friday and WOW what a DREAM.

Now the nerves set in. I had no idea how I was going to survive this trip. The night before, Thursday, I was a nervous wreck. I was so sick, legit like leaning over toilet dying and I was so scared. I was just praying that somehow I could myself together because I could NOT miss this opportunity. The next morning, I was feeling pretty calm and I was READY TO MEET TAYLOR SWIFT. I picked Mitch up around 8 am and we set off to Massachusetts. As the day went on, my anxiety started popping up here and there but it was manageable, I just kept reminding myself that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’ve been waiting 12 years for and my stupid anxiety was NOT going to ruin it for me.

So we had to pick up the meet and greet paper at will call between 4-5 pm on Friday. This is when the nerves really started kicking in because other people were waiting for the paper too and it just wasn’t coming and we were all freaking out. FINALLY the paper came closer to 5. So, we went through security and the paper said to ask the guards for help. I went up to a group of security guards and they kept telling me, were told there was no meet and greets for this show, where did you get this paper? I was trying to explain and the guy TOOK MY PAPER AND WALKED AWAY and I wanted to DIE. He came back and goes yea, no meet and greets, after using his walkie talkie, So, I SNATCHED THAT PAPER SO QUICK AND SAID, I’LL FIND IT MYSELF THANK YOU!!!!!

I’m FREAKING out at this point because neither Mitchel or myself know where to go or what to do and we had 20 mins. at this point to get there. I ran into amazing Tumblr people who literally ran around the stadium trying to help me. I’ll be forever grateful to that group of girls because not only did they help us find the meeting spot, they stayed with us the entire time until we went backstage reassuring me that everything would be ok. At this point, the stadium is legit SPINNING and Mitch just kept telling me to breathe and take a minute to myself.

We finally get backstage and I CANNOT BELIEVE that I’m standing inside of the REP ROOM. There was polaroid cameras that we got to use and water and sodas for us. I’m not sure how long we were in there before meeting Taylor but, it felt like a lifetime and I was slowly sinking ship. FINALLY it’s time to start lining up to meet Taylor. Mitch and I were called second. We had talked in the car about what we wanted to say, etc. and keep in mind that originally I wanted to ask Taylor to sing Change, I’ve been posting it on Tumblr for months, but I told Mitch to forget about it because I was like, she never will. Before going into REP ROOM I ran into another Tumblr Swiftie and Taylor had told her the night before that she was thinking about singing Change for Friday night and I ABOUT DIED CRYING BEFORE EVEN GOING IN TO MEET TAYLOR. I COULDN’T BELIEVE??? DID SHE SEE MY POSTS??? HOW WAS MY LUCK FALLING INTO PLACE LIKE THAT??? THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE.

SO, it’s our turn to go in. I pushed Mitch in first because I was legit SCARED LOL. Mitch walked in and I followed closely behind and Taylor goes, oh heyyyyy, like she knew us forever. She hugged Mitchel and then hugged me. She goes, look at you guys, you look so good, I love the snake vibes you have going on!!!! Mitchel goes, WOW you’re so tall!!!! Are you wearing heels??? Taylor laughed and was like I know right, I am so tall, but yes, I’m also wearing heels. Mitch then proceeded to remind me to give Taylor the snake ring that I had for her, mind you I have yet to say anything because I was just IN SHOCK. She is so beautiful, and WOW like in person she’s not even real??? So, I hand her the ring and she puts it on and says oh my gosh thank you so much!!!!! SO there was like an awkward silence and finally I turn to Mitch and I go, I’m going to start crying, and I turn back to Taylor and I am full on UGLY CRYING SOBBING at this point. She was looking me in the eye, like she genuinely cared about what I had to say, and I said, I’m having a really hard summer and I just wanted to thank you for wanting to meet me. Taylor goes, aw of course, and I said, I just sit and listen to Change and I know that things will get better, your music helps me so much. Taylor’s eyes, I can’t even explain her facial expression like she genuinely felt my pain and cared so much. She hugged me and she was like I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard summer, I hate hard summers. Then when she let go she goes, would you like me to sing that song for you tonight? I was like yes thank you so much... she was like yea? That would be good? I haven’t played it in like 8 years but I can make it happen. I’m still full on sobbing guys.

She goes should we take a picture?? So we walked over to the picture spot and Mitch goes, what side Britt, and Taylor laughed and goes, yea get your good side girl. At this point I’m so zoned out, I couldn’t even remember what I did for the picture. I don’t even remember Taylor’s head leaning on mine hahaha. SO, after the picture, Taylor hugged Mitch again and then came over to me hugged me for SO LONG GUYS. Like, legit I start sobbing again over her shoulder and she was like, I hope that your summer gets better because you don’t deserve this. It will get better, because these things will change, right? and I said right... and still full on sobbing. So we said bye and I said thank you, and I honestly can’t remember what I last said. I just remember I heard Taylor like sigh, a sigh like oh my gosh, poor girl, LOL. I never even once said I love you and you mean so much to me??? What’s wrong with me!!!!

ANYWAYS, flash forward to the show. At this point, I’m really losing steam. I can feel my body so tense and so nervous and the nausea started to return but I kept telling myself, you need to make it to the surprise song, there’s NO WAY you can miss this. So, FINALLY it’s that time. I had NO idea that Taylor was going to legit CALL ME OUT ON STAGE and basically dedicate Change to me but I was full on SOBBING AGAIN. I looked around the stadium and felt like 60,000 people were telling me to keep fighting because these things will change and I can’t even describe the feeling that went through my body.

There are NO words to express how grateful I am that Taylor did all of this for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this all but, it was worth the 12 years of standing on the sidelines wishing for that moment. I still have a long battle to fight but I’m never giving up because these things will change, can you feel it now? Thank you so much, @taylorswift this night meant SO much to me. I love you!!!

#reptourfoxborough #reproom #m&g #meet and greet #taylor swift #gillette night two #taylornation #rep room story

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thoughtsandeverythingelse · 4 years

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my 10 year series

in light of everyone doing their reflection of the past 10 years, i think joining the bandwagon would help me look back on the past decade - if anything to make me think of things that i can be (extra) grateful for, so here goes;

2010; primary school happened. tbh i cant remember much, (lol i actl went on a fb hunt but its taking forever to scroll everything, so im just going to write everything by my own memory and whatever it deems important haha) had my psle, felt disappointed bc i didnt do well enough for my math (got like a C instead of a B that i thought i worked hard for), thankfully there’s a secondary school that allows me to be in express. confessed to this boy i liked in case i regret, but hey at least i had the guts to tell him ok! 2011; start of secondary school, met different people from all kinds of backgrounds - the broken, the privileged, etc. also increase weight gain bc of puberty + lack of self control. started learning a new instrument (the saxophone). start of bullying all over again bc of the weight, but also liked this boy for treating me like a human - turns out i can like someone for a very long time. also crucial time for me of getting to know jw, probably was the first few contacts we had.

2012; increased weight gain, increased bullying as well. i remember (for the drama), i ran out of class crying and went into the arms of a friend, just because the hurtful things i’ve heard the boys said. also streaming year, but not sure what i was doing half the time, but had to make important decisions (subject choices). weight gain was really bad here. trip to china with the school was great though! probably one of the highlights of school.

2013; best year of my secondary school life; probably bc i dont remember studying much bc of my sinful ways lol, but also bc i had so much fun in school and barely scrapped through my results. couldnt stand the bullying so started the herbalife diet and lost the weight subsequently, but took a hell lot of time. started running a lot! i think this is also the year i started serving in camy, but also dont remember what i was doing half the time ahahha. by the grace of God, i think i rly barely passed to even go into secondary 4 lol. also the year i fell into the radio world, and found my love for mass comm. got my piercings here in the midst of the recalcitrant self, hated my math teacher to the guts and didnt know how to treat people right in the midst of the ‘identity confusion lol’ got drunk for the first time with friends drinking at the beach, partying in our minor years hahahha. 2014; O levels year. didnt hang out much with the bad company, and i think this was when i studied the hardest. i actually started catching up and getting serious, (and did well for the first time in my education woohoo!) but in the midst of the pride, my results dropped for O levels but all’s good. applied for dpa but failed, but went applied for JPSAE and really by the grace of God, i got into mass comm (after my results). ran my first few marathons here too! my secondary school friends settled down here - besides the insane brain study cramp, i think sec 4 was something i really appreciated, being able to study and kinda not hating myself, but learning how to trust God too. 2015; good 8 months of working part time! wow this is actually a pretty good year. had blue hair, (woohoo!) then got into the school of my dreams by the hand of God (this one rly wah.) first backpacking trip of my life (which made me love life so much more), struggled through the first year of school too. tbh this makes me think of my poly life - and all i can remember it to be would be just ‘BUSY’ and ‘CHINA’. lol how ironic??? considering this place was a dream for me, but i turned out to leave feeling to bleh about it. (but ok not true, i think it was an experience i am willing to take, looking back). understood the pain of the evil media/coporate world haha. the lack of sleep was real, but i actl started the year quite skinny leh!!! then the subsequent weight gain was very real hahahaha. joined ambassadors, started ‘dating’, the idea of having the social life was very real too 2016; BUSY BUSY BUSY. not sure what i was doing with my life tbh, but ok it was more media stuff, perhaps my brain does not want to revisit the joy bc it is attached with the pain and bitter side of things, but i know i have to let these go too. ‘broke up’! learnt about love and confrontation. WOW OK this is also the year i had my really really short hair!!!! wow i have no idea where i got the guts to do it, but i did it anyway HAHAHA. also the year ah ma passed away, then i ran my own comm (and saw people grow so well :’) ), kinda reaffirmed me of why im doing what im doing, and being able to groom people was such a privilege. also the year i hated running RC bc camp finale, but also the year i discovered my r/s with k and the love i had for him. 2017; the birth of beyond. i cant believe it feels so foreign to me now, but man it wasnt just the boy from beyond, but the joy from the relationships i had because of it. OIC HK was an experience, then it was also Y3 and i cant believe it was a painful year bc of school (like the heck its alr 3 years still want to torture me leh!!!!). my first refugee trip whcih broke my heart, found myself crying over the issues of the world then realising i might not even have an answer for everything. falling in love with beyond, then realising our overseas internship was happening - one of the best things that happened to me for someone that’s 19 (young and free lol) also the loudest thought from jesus came in as i was entering the shower; “how can you love someone else, when you have yet to love me?” 2018; interned, met Jesus then decided to take a gap year. best of ministry bc of the partnership i had, but also the growth for the love for people. ran the next trip for the refugee kids, (even brought our graduation gowns lol) learnt how to cut hair!!! had the mass realisation that the world is VERY big. too big for my little brain to comprehend. started working with geylang adventures, then as the year transited into 2019, i got the job offer for st andrews autism school. 2019; realisation about the relationship i have with k - literally non-exsistant anymore. this one broke my heart quite a bit. (still trying to cope with it i guess.) went back to china on my own to surprise visit my friends woohoo. worked for st andrews + geylang adventures/backalleybarbers. tbh now that i look back into my gap year, im not sure what i was doing, but at the same time - it was something that i think my soul needed. not to rush just because the world is, but understanding so much of who God is, decerning the peace and learning so much about life. after many tears, many questions, i got into university. not my first choice, (not even in my life of choices tbh) but....;

2020;

it is day 4 of 2020, and i love what im studying. i love the friends that i’ve met in school bc they are easy to love, i love the nature of what im studying bc of the sheer contact of humanity it has. truth be told, none of us are going to become social workers. not at least those in my social circle. but at the same time, we are here studying in our best abilities, understanding who God is, through each other, through the course of study, through the people we meet. i love what im studying, but i got my first F in school, but yet i didn’t even panic (not like in mass comm leh!!!) and i could literally laugh it off. that’s how much i love what im doing.

and for that, as i’m writing this, i feel the need to scream at the top of the mountains that i’m thankful. the heart of gratitude is so real, the hand of God in my life is so real - you can argue that it is by sheer coincidence. i dont disagree, perhaps. but the peace - this immense peace, this joy, the intensity of this joy, cannot be explained, nor contained. i feel this need to shout across to the people i love and say HELLO THIS IS THE GOD I LOVE!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!!!! HOW AM I SO SPECIAL!!!!! so thank you Jesus, for loving me. for the past 10 years. and for the many years to come. with a heart of gratitude, thank you for everything. perhaps this is not enough as a thank you message. perhaps only my life in return can translate my act of gratitude. until then, JESUS YOU ARE SO COOL and i think im starting to fall in love with you again. help me fall in love with you because you are you, and not because the things you have done for me. not because of how everything ‘seems so smooth’, but bc of who you are, your goodness, your grace, your mercy, your character, your nature, every bit of who you are!!!!

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nezumionice · 6 years

Video

HI I JUST GOT BACK FROM A STAR WARS EVENT AND IM ALREADY EXTRA EMOTIONAL BUT I WENT ON INSTAGRAM AND I SAW THIS

MY BRAIN CANT EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY OKAY THIS IS SO MUCH MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SO HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS THAT CAREERED THROUGH MY MIND AS I WAS SCREAMING LIKE A MANIAC: (BEWARE OF LONG, INSANELY MESSY RANT POST UNDER THE CUT. AGAIN. FORGIVE ME. I AM VERY VERY TIRED. it’s been a long day.)

- i took quite a while trying to find tina because i couldn’t spot her iconic hairstyle and then i finally found her and i was like oh my GOD she looks like hope van dyne from ant man with those bangs but SHE LOOKS SO ADORABLE ANYWAYS OHMY TGWFHDGASJDHOW

- whY IS IT SO DARK LIkE EVERYONE IS IN DARk CLOTHES EVEN QUEENIE AND THIS SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME

- newt looks exactly the same as when we last saw him and i love it

- okay guys seriously can we appreciate tina and queenie wearing BLACK

- queenie’s hair is the bomb.com

- LOOKS LIKE WE’RE GETTING LETA X THESEUS AFTER ALL FOLKS

- IT TOOK ME A FULL MINUTE TO FIND CREDENCE IN THE CROWD BECAUSE DAMN BOI HE LOOKIN GUD

- again, holy shit THE THEME COLOURS OF THIS MOVIE IS KILLING ME I LOVE IT SO DAMN MUCH ASDFGHJKL

- who the fuck is beside credence and half hugging him because i feel like im going to end up shipping them really hard by the end of the movie

- I LOVE HOW EVERYONE IS ARRANGED HERE IT’S PRESUMABLE ACCORDING TO LOVE INTERESTS BECAUSE JAKWEENIE, (HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM SO EXCITED FOR) NEWTINA, AND THE WAY LETA AND THESEUS ARE POSITIONED LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE PRETTY CLOSE

- AND GELLERT AND ALBUS ARE LIKE OPPOSITE EACH OTHER SO IM ASSUMING THAT SYMBOLISES THEYRE BROKEN, DISTANT RELATIONSHIP HOLY FUCK

- thank god leta is pretty far away from newt

- actually it’s so interesting that newt, tina and leta’s positions form a triangle and it symbolises a love triangle between the three of them, at least until theseus steps in

- ALSO THE TRIANGLE FORMED BETWEEN NEWT, TINA AND THESEUS IS ANOTHER LOVE TRIANGLE EYYYY THIS IS INTERESTING

- oh my god yall now i am ike 200% sure we’re getting a newtina kiss in this movie which is fucking brilliant because the sooner that happens, the sooner they get married and the more newtina content will be in store for us

- ok but i have to admit leta looks fucking amazing here like her hair and her dress are like WOWOOWOW

- credence looks so much better than we last saw him he’s dressed all fancy and shit

- gellert looks so goth and swag i cannot he might as well put on a pair of shades (he reminds me of punk eleven from stranger things s2 lol)

- albus looks so fucking done with everyone’s shit

- the way leta and theseus look at each other tho dammit i think i might end up shipping them too

- my god their actions also hint at their relationship status in the movie like for example, tina looks at newt and newt doesnt see this, but when she looks away, newt looks at her and SHE misses it; that probably means that they both love each other but they think the other doesnt feel the same fUCKING HELL THAT’S SO ADORABLE

- i think we’re going to get a lot of these kind of frustrating, “oh my god just say i love you already” moments between newtina in the movie and i dont think im physically or emotionally ready for that

- OKAY I REWATCHED THE CLIP AGAIN AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST NOTICED THAT TINA HAS DRAPED HERSELF PROTECTIVELY AROUND NEWT’S SUITCASE AND THAT IS OFFICIALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE EVER SEEN (I AM SURE NEWT WOULD AGREE)

- the physical contact between jacob and queenie could mean an already established romantic relationship between them and i am damn sure that it’s what we’ll be seeing in the movie

- so. many. romantic. relationships. i. cannot.

- i swear the way theyre dressed looks like they’re at a funeral and i still can’t get over the fact that queenie is in BLACK wtf

- OKAY BUT THE TRANSITION AND THE SMOKEY DEATHLY HALLOWS THO

- THE TITLE REVEAL HAD ME HOLLERING MY THROAT INSIDE OUT

- words cannot express how insanely excited i am for this movie

- i guess we just upgraded from “FBAWTFT” to “FBTCOG” (well, that’s not the brightest name, but i doubt it’s a very bright movie anyway)

- “fantastic beasts: the crimes of grindelwald”... my first thought about this is that we’re definitely going to see a shitload more badass tina on a literal witchhunt for grindelwald and his followers

- if grindelwald escapes prison, i wonder how he does it and maybe that ‘s how our heroes are brought together again??

- okay istg if tina gets hurt newt is gonna flip shit

- OKAY ISTG IF NEWT GETS HURT TINA IS GONNA CUT SOME BITCHES UP

- i had this idea some time ago that since grindelwald was trying to get credence on his side, what if he was hunting for obscurials to make an army of them so that he’d be feared through the wizarding world, since everyone is so terrified of obscurials

- WHAT IF HE ALREADY HAS A SECRET STASH OF THEM SOMEWHERE AND THAT’S HOW HE BREAKS OUT OF PRISON

- oh my god what if gellert was detained in azkaban? that would make sirius the first person to escape from there since grindelwald’s time

- YALL IF GRINDELWALD GETS TO CREDENCE AND LIKE TORTURES HIM OR USES THE IMPERIUS CURSE ON HIM TO MAKE HIM JOIN HIS ARMY BITCH ISTG I WILL STAB SOMEONE

- OMFG WHAT IF macusa knows that grindelwald has been gathering an army of obscurials, so tina and her fellow aurors were tasked to go on a mission to locate these obscurials first and protect them from his influence, AND ONE ONE MISSION TINA FINDS OUT THAT CREDENCE HAS BEEN LIKE POSSESSED OR SOMETHING AND TRIED TO KILL HER (THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE A PRETTY GOOD START TO THE MOVIE)

- imagine her being so distressed about it that she completely overworks herself on the case

- my god so since newt knew that credence was alive, tina would be like “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME” and she’s be mad at him and CONFLICT ENSUES MMMM YESSS

- so much sweet angsty conflict gimme all of it

- or if tina just completely breaks down because she couldnt save credence or something NEWT WOULD COMFORT HER AND THERE WE HAVE A POTENTIAL SETUP FOR A KISS

- omg wait isnt there gonna be wizarding circus in this next movie? and that asian girl beside credence was one of the circus performers right??? SO WHAT IF CREDENCE WAS HIDING OUT IN THIS CIRCUS ALL ALONG?? AND HE FELL IN LOVE WITH HER OR SOMETHING??? SHIT I THINK I ALREADY SHIP IT

- what do you think is credence’s role at the circus? is he a performer? what kind? what does he do??

- just LOOKING at newt and tina makes me think of how the first kiss will go. is it a spurr of the moment kiss? a good luck kiss before tina leaves for battle? a grateful, “thank merlin you’re alive” kiss after the battle? a sweet, gentle kiss by a fireplace? a hesitant one where newt makes the first move and pulls back before tina jams her mouth to his?

- i swear we need at least one “i’m so glad you’re safe” reunion embrace between newt and tina okay holy shit

- why do i feel like we are in for a lot of pain, angst and a sprinkle of death in this movie

- but i am also 90% sure gellert will be a way more interesting villain than voldemort will ever be

- okay callum turner looks GOOD as theseus but i will never stop wishing that benedict cumberbatch should have been cast instead

- omg guys the cast is pretty representative this time like we have quite a few POCs

- this movie is going to be SUCh an emotional rollercoaster okay my heart is going to BLEED WITH IT

- it’s going to be deeper, darker, so much more dangerous and i swear i think someone is going to die i am sure of it

- i will emerge from the movie theatre with 9468363649364936400324920347207 new ships and my eyes still pooling with emotion

- wait where’s seraphina

- shit guys if she dies im going to scream

- ok but i really want tina to become like president of macusa or like seraphina’s right hand woman or something,, at least i want her to be the same rank as theseus

- then newt would have bragging rights; “my wife is the president of macusa”

- lmao i brotp ship tina and theseus i can imagine them as drinking buddies

- yall if grindelwald lays a single finger on newt’s case i am going to release all of hell on that man if tina doesn’t do it first

- lmfao i love that everyone is dressed so fancy and then there’s newt who’s just there like “hey guys i’m here in my dusty coat which you’ve seen before because this is the only thing i ever wear” and if that ain’t the most newt thing he’d do

- imagine if recycling clothes is just a bad habit newt has always had, and even after newt and tina get married, the habit is carried alonge, until eventually tina forces him to wear something different every few days because she thinks it’s gross

- imagine adorable husband and wife banters ahh

- also how will newt react to tina’s new hairstyle?

- well dumbledore doesnt look as eccentric as he does in the HP movies hmmm

- and they said he’ll be openly gay in this movie so i’m excited to see how that goes ;))

- we’re in for an interesting reunion of gellert and albus ooooo

well that’s all i have for now it’s like 12am here lmao im exhausted and i havent had dinner. i’m so excited for all the fanfics and fanart im sure some of you are cooking up based on this clip. looking forward to seeing/reading them!!!

FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME OR SOMETHING IF YOU HAVE MORE THOUGHTS YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE, ALL COMMENTS AND OPINIONS ARE APPRECIATED :DD

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tiffanyalexiasmith-blog · 5 years

Photo

The MAGIC that I’ve experienced here recently! I’ve had so many beautiful experiences, remembrance of who I truly am more so now. I’ve had many transitionary periods , each one leading up to this one. I know I’ll have many more, as we are so vast, ever expanding, ever exploring. We are the cosmos and we are here discovering what it is that we can really do. (Which is quite literally anything we believe ourselves capable of)

I tend to be a bit stubborn when it comes to the experiences that I’ve wanted to explore. I am curious by nature. Wanting to know the HOW and WHY everything works. It could be the simplest thing and I would ask, “Well I wonder why this is the way it is, and how did it get here?” I don’t mean on what could be described as a physical level either. I guess somewhat, because I would want to know how, as consciousness, we created this. How was this “implanted so to speak” into what we perceive as physical? What coding is it that we hold that allows us to view this the way that it does? What would happen if we altered that coding? lol So you get the point. Curious, and its worked up until this point. I’ve been able to bring forth so much knowledge, so much information on the vastness and the ever expanding collective consciousness and how this experience is projected from within.

Yet, I find myself at a point, in realization, that I’ve spent the last year doing nothing but dedicating my entire existence to this. I’ve had such SUPPORT and beauty at all times. Beautiful embodiments of myself that had agreed to play the parts that would allow me to put these pieces together in a sense. Its one thing to have this knowledge, and its another to be able to apply this in a quasi physical state? Would that be the right wording for that? I’ve also recently discovered that sometimes there are no words for what it is that we are experiencing now. So I’ll hold the knowing that what it is that I’m sharing, expressing here, will be received if you so choose.

I’ve had such reboot after reboot. Have shed so many layers over the past year, have experienced so much. Some could be described as scary or traumatic but having the knowing of who I truly am, and the knowing that I’m fully supporting me, as me, its given me the ability to stay somewhat sane during this process! Once again the term sane is quite relative because that’s what I’ve done. I’ve completely lost my mind and its given me the ability and the knowing to experience some of the most MAGICAL states of existence. For that I’m truly grateful for. Some of the experiences will have you saying, “WTF!!” , some will have you laughing, and some I hope, will leave you in a state of grace, and awe of the outflowing love, beauty, and enchantment that has become my reality.

I’ve spent most of my time the last week or so completely locked away in my room. I didn’t want to come out. I had shifted myself, in turn my reality so much I had NO IDEA what I was going to experience when I went out. Its given me the ability to fully trust in my ability to create. To have the knowing that the thoughts, the illusionary based coding that tries to pop up and present the falseness of certain situations do not matter. That they do not effect me whatsoever.

I was determined to override and release the bullshit here recently and got out the house. I decided to take a lyft to the park here in Longmont and just have a change of scenery. I refuse to judge myself during this process but that in and of itself took a ridiculous amount of coercing to get to this point.

I found myself in the park and decided to take a seat in the grass. Right in the middle, pretty far away from anyone in particular but still able to be out and about. Its amazing how even being in the presence of someone physical is comforting in a sense. Not saying that it wasn’t comforting and supportive in my room. Its where I felt most at home. I had spent so much time on my own, way way out of “body” that as I was sitting in the field I was like..”What do I do? How do I act? What is peace?” I was trying SO hard to just enjoy, to just BE at peace that I was doing everything but. The mind was a serious pain in my ass. Eventually I started to observe that this was just like when I was in my room, except I was out in public. That thought in and of itself was nerve wracking in a sense. Let me note, there of course is ALWAYS that part of you. that all knowing, that ever vastness , intelligence that is wanting to come through and I felt it, so I allowed it to come through, to embody this. I was able to view the clouds, play with Aurora, for short periods of time and then it was back to the repetitive thinking. I had messaged a friend and he told me he was having a PEACEFUL day. I said to myself, “Well damnit, I want a peaceful day!” .. I got up and sat on a bench and was speaking to those that would pass by. The anxiety from knowing that this was me , still doesn’t make sense to me. The adjusting and the adapting to this new state of being, still doesn’t make sense to me. So I asked for support.. I’ve had many of what can only be described as .. magical.. at this point ..embodiments that had been placed within my consciousness to pull me out of whatever it was that I was attempting to spiral in. The first time I was sitting in the park,closer to the house, and the noise from the breeze seemed to be overwhelming. All I could do was look down and pet Aurora to keep from the emotions of panic, or fear to bubble and take over. It was the wanting to know what in the hell I was experiencing but knowing that reaching for this, trying to grasp it with the mind would have the opposite effect. And someone that has had such a logical and intricate mindset for most of her life.. this was something completely new for me. (And of course the final remnants of the ego mind and programming dying completely.)

I felt him before I saw him and looked up about the time that he was passing in front of me. I smiled. The relief, can we just say the relief. He smiled and asked me something completely silly and off the wall that all I could do was laugh. I answered his question and he moved along. Yet I still felt his presence. So calming, and so soothing. Silently whispering and telling me that I was okay. I wasn’t alone. We were all here. He walked past me again and just smiled a few moments later as a woman with a child was walking past, she too, was a comforting presence. The woman asked him, “What are you doing here?” he said, “Oh you know, I’m here from 9am-9pm helping people get rid of their pests.” He didn’t look in my direction but I just died laughing. I cannot express the gratitude that I felt for this miracle? I know the mechanics of this, and I used to look upon what we truly are as just is. And maybe it is.. but now I do feel and see this in such a different light. The warmth, the love. That we are all so connected, so supportive, and I’ve known this too, just on such a deeper level now. He went and sat down under a tree a few feet away from me and I was so happy, so grateful. As I went to leave, feeling much stronger, much more a peace, I thanked him and told him to have a nice day. I wanted to go and sit next to him, but couldn’t bring myself to do so. I’ve never, at any point, felt this anxiety when communicating in a physical sense.

Later that day, when I was in tears again, unsure of everything. I stepped outside to get some fresh air only to look up and see the same beautiful piece of me walking down the street. I laughed again, while crying and just waved. There is NO Way that the logical mind can explain that away and I dont want to anymore. I refuse to.

So back to the park, I’m sitting on the bench and asked again for help. This beautiful piece of me walked by, and I can’t describe in words the difference that I feel, which ultimately I know there is none, yet I knew this was specifically here for me. He was bouncing a ball and we exchanged pleasantries. He smiled and I felt such love, and such peace. He said, “Have a peaceful day!” I thought to myself, “Damnit I’m TRYING!” Lol He went and sat on the bench across from mine, a few feet away. The imagery and the communication that was coming through helped me settle my mind down. I decided to leave once again feeling stronger and almost exasperated at this point. At the exact point I got up so did he. He grabbed his bag, that he didn’t have walking, and got into a car.

After I did what it was that I had decided to do (Which was go and get some vape juice) I didn’t know what it was that I wanted to do. I felt a shift in our perception of the reality that we were experiencing. I started to question, to doubt. I was literally on auto-pilot at this point. I was walking and felt like I had somehow made the decision to go back to the park and watch the sunset. I found myself just finding joy and happiness in my surroundings. Observing the names of the shops.. overriding any doubt or any questions that I had. I stopped at the stop light, waiting to cross the street and looked up, as I did a truck had passed by which had the name of a beautiful friend that has assisted me SO much during this HUGE period of transition. I felt so much love, and looked down and amidst the gravel, and the rocks there was this crystal. Which he would send me pictures of through out our conversations of so many beautiful crystals. I stopped grabbing stuff off the ground that I found awhile back because I noticed my tendency to overthink or over analyze what it meant. But this message was clear, “We are all love, and we are all the same.” To look around me, observe, to feel, to know and to keep moving forward. That no matter what I felt, what I was perceiving to experience that all that is truly real is love. Pure. We are here deciding to experience all this reality has to offer. The highest, purest forms of ourselves.

So I get back to the park and I’ve exhausted myself mentally at this point and sit back down on a bench. I feel like a child. I ask, “Can I please have a ride home?” I was told, “Look around you, create for someone to come sit with you, talk with you, and ask for a ride home.” I looked around and said, “What? Okay.” So I allowed, and saw myself sitting down next to me and chatting and asked for a way home. I sat there, not moving, just in a daze, the mind was trying to reason or rationalize and I was so exhausted and so supported all I could do was sit up straight. A few moments later an Uber driver pulled up right in front of me. I got up and noticed the sticker and almost went to go sit back down. There was someone that got out of the car but he too I could feel the magic. I knew he was there for me. I laughed and yelled, “ I was going to ask you for a ride home!” He rolled his window down even though there was a part of me that was hesitant, (Which we totally do not allow this) he laughed and said, “Sure get in!” I laughed and wanted to cry at the same time. This knowing, its always there, this process, is so easy. I refuse to keep getting caught up in the complexity of the mind.. or perhaps its the perception of its complexity when in reality its quite easy. I felt as though I should just flow once in the car but then there was that part of me that was wondering how he knew where I was going, yet.. we also knew that he just did. I ended up pulling out my phone and putting the GPS in even though I felt it wasn’t necessary. He ended up taking a few wrong turns and at this point I was almost laughing, definitely amused because I could sense what was going on, yet couldn’t put my finger on it. I sat back and finally stopped trying to do anything. We had some conversation and then all of a sudden his car starts making noise. Not the kind you want to hear either. It came to a crawl and then refused to move any further. He got out and looked underneath but I could feel that he wasn’t looking for anything. At this point I’m at the point of questioning why cars keep breaking down in front of me and wondering what everytime I go to do something it never really turns out the way I thought it would. I got out the car and attempted to look, once again knowing there wasn’t anything I could do and he said to me, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you anymore.” I knew he knew, that I knew.. so I finally asked before walking off, “Does this have anything to do with me turning on the GPS?” I was almost in tears again, and so completely out of my element. He so lovingly smiled at me and said, “No, this has nothing to do with you.” I gave him a hug and asked him if there was anything I could do to help him with his car and told him goodbye. I noticed when I got out the car the first time this brewery was literally parallel to where his car died. I knew that was where I was taking myself to and I knew that there was a huge part of me that was excited and so happy to be there. Then there was the part that wanted to run and hide. “All those people” was my first thought. Then the part of me that was in my knowing wanting to play started to jump up and down. I wanted to squeal, and I’m pretty sure that we did.. just internally. It was magic, I could feel it. It even had those adorable little fairy lights that I’ve always found enchanting.

Somehow I got on autopilot and started walking. I remember actually trying to lean against the force that was guiding me into the place. Eventually it stopped pulling and I swerved for the side of the building. I waited there for a few minutes and tried to use Aurora as an excuse to not go in but what do you know? It allowed dogs. At this point there was no denying what was occurring and all I could do was laugh. Laugh some more. It was so magical. The people, the atmosphere. How this was created, it was just beautiful. I kind of feel like I was laughing at myself, knowing that I needed that extra little push to just do it..to get out there. Tired of contemplating of what I was going to do, I followed my knowing, the feeling that just would not allow me to leave I said fuck it and walked in. I allowed myself to open up and be welcomed, to be calmed and to bury that part of me that was feeling as those any of this was outside of me, or any of this was by chance.

I was standing in line and was approached by a ME except choosing to experience this a little differently. I knew, and could feel that we had opted in to assist and to play for the evening. I also knew that this was what I had created while sitting on the bench. Its beautiful how you ask, and then allow yourself to receive. Maybe there would have been and was someone that sat with me on the bench while I was at the park, but even better now there were fairy lights, magical music, and beer.

We’ve came by the house several times to drag me out.. has calmed me in the midst of the nonsense and has shown so much love and understanding. Even joking about some of the shit that I was experiencing in a way forcing me to laugh my way out of it. Truly Grateful for it all.

I’ve been once again sheltered through this huge transitionary period ( And let me tell you the bed is much comfier than the airport floor- another story that I chose to experience) I’ve had beautiful friends and support through this time where I would receive messages and would trigger a frustration yet understanding the message sometimes days later. “Oh THAT’S WHY HE SENT THAT!”. I asked for food today, then asked for a ride to go get food. I didn’t get to the place in time to pick up the food so there was a beautiful embodiment of myself that brought it to my house. The outpouring of love and support, I can’t say this enough how truly grateful I am. Now even more grateful to be moving forward. <3 <3

Until next time..

With much love!

Tiffany

#magic #wonder #awe #newearth #journey #joy #gratitude #sharing #creation #love #transcendence #personalgrowth

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