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shackleton2 · 9 months

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I'm working on this fic where I'm trying to write an emotionally dark take on post-Winter-Soldier recovery, where Steve & Co capture Soldier-Bucky right after the events of Insight, when he's still almost entirely in the grips of Hydra's programming.

I loved this Sebastian Stan quote someone shared on here: “That’s why he doesn’t kill him. That’s why he saves him. That end scene to me was always like: ‘I don’t know what this is, I just know I’m supposed to do this right now. Whatever this is, I’m supposed to protect this for some reason.” I love the heartbreaking urge to protect Steve being impossible to erase or repress despite everything, but what stands out for me is also that this confirms what his expression and act of walking away seem to say on the riverbank: he has no idea what the hell is going on. His brain didn't go "OMG STEVE" and switch him back over to Bucky Barnes in that incredible final moment on the helicarrier—the wall of programming just got its first tiny crack.

It drives me crazy that the Soldier walks away after saving Steve—he wants to know why he saved him, how he knows him, obviously, but he walks away from the simplest way to find those answers-STAY WITH STEVE, drink hot chocolate under blankets with steve!! It also drives my fangirl heart crazy what a stubborn resilient competent independent SOB post-WS Bucky is. He doesn’t trust anyone and he doesn’t want anyone to own him ever again.

He’s got conflicting lines of thought that lead to the same conclusion: He’s programmed to kill Steve, those are his final standing orders, and obeying orders is all he knows. If he wants to keep Steve safe on some level, he knows that won’t be with him, because of those orders, because Hydra owns him. On the other hand, if he’s realized that Hydra is his enemy, he also knows that SHIELD is Hydra, and Cap is affiliated with SHIELD, and thus can’t be trusted to keep Hydra away from him. And/or he disobeyed orders and abandoned his mission, and he doesn’t know why, but he does know the consequences for doing that, and thus has a lot of resentment for the guy that made him do so.

To be clear, I love the Bucky Barnes character and I think any narrative that casts him as a reformed villain who needs to make up for his past actions is bullshit. He is a victim, not only of what was done to him, but also what he was forced with zero agency to do. Having said that, I’m also totally riveted by the Winter Soldier as a bad guy, a threat, a killer. In the MCU movies he goes off after the Insight debacle and somehow deprograms himself all alone, and the next time we see him in Civil War he’s got his sense of himself as Bucky pretty much back—he’s in control of his actions, he knows his and Steve’s history, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. I’m stuck on what else the story could have been instead of the hand-wave transition from brainwashed murderer to Steve Rogers’ loyal friend. The only traumatic encounters with the Soldier Steve experiences are those in the movie where he’s actively trying to kill him, which that’s definitely bad enough for poor Steve—but what about traumatic emotional encounters? What about Steve Rogers trying to talk and reach his friend, but the person he’s talking to is the Soldier immediately post-Insight, still mentally in Hydra’s possession much more than his own?

Anyway one day this little scene came to me and I'm building this WIP, including these notes, around it. Successfully? Who knows, not me.

He regarded Steve through the glass with a hint of curiosity. His voice was soft and quiet. “Why do you come?”

Steve leaned forward and tried to meet those icy eyes. He couldn’t help it. “You’re my friend. You might not remember me, but I will always be your friend.”

The Soldier tilted his head, still questioning. “That’s why you come here?” Every day, Steve thought he heard unspoken; he wasn’t sure whether Bucky registered his presence at all some days, but maybe every instance was recorded in his mind. Maybe not. What happened to a supersoldier brain when it incurred severe sustained deliberate damage was a riddle they were just beginning to examine.

Steve was determined to be steadfast, but there was little he could do to calm the intensity of what he felt. He wanted Bucky to ask these things, because he wanted him to know these things, and he would tell him again and again forever in the hope he would one day believe him and then remember himself.

“I’m here because I want to know how you’re doing. I want you to know I’m here. I’ll come every day unless you tell me honestly you don’t want me to.”

Still the cocked head, the mystified expression. “You come because…he was your friend.”

He leaned in an inch more and found his forehead touching the glass. “You’re my friend. You are Bucky Barnes. You were born in 1917 and we grew up together. You are a good man. What happened to you…was wrong, and I will do everything I can to make it better, for the rest of my life. That’s a promise.”

The cocked head straightened and it looked like some kind of comprehension dawned. He was looking at Steve in a way he couldn’t remember Bucky ever looking before, and after wondering for a few moments Steve realized it was pity on his face.

“You think he’s here.” The look of pity intensified. “You think you...can talk. To him.”

Steve swallowed. “I…I know he is. I don’t know how to convince you it’s true, but I swear it. We played together as kids and then we grew up and lived together and then the war came and we fought together. And now we’re here. I know you don’t remember, Bucky, but there’s no way I’m giving up on you, even if you never do. I know you. I’ve known you as long as I can remember.”

On the other side of the glass Bucky’s expression had settled into the blank resignation the Soldier often wore. He licked his lips, an oddly human gesture that hurt Steve’s heart, and then said, with what might have been an attempt at gentleness, “Your friend. Is gone.”

Steve took a moment, felt his forehead press a little harder on the glass. “If he’s gone, who am I talking to?”

“What,” the Soldier corrected, and then answered, “Hydra.”

He was going to need a lot of punching bags later. “Emotions don’t help,” Natasha had told him, brisk and flint-hard the way she was when she was being kind. “Men think they understand this, but they don’t. Understand it.”

Steve was beginning to understand. He didn’t howl or pound on the glass or leave to find a fight. Instead he swallowed again and asked with a calm that shocked him, “So you…believe in Hydra? In what they do?”

“The Soldier is the fist of Hydra. Weapons don’t believe. They do not need to. The Winter Soldier. Is. Hydra.”

That was the most the Soldier had spoken in one go.

#fanfic ramblings #cookin in my stewpot #post-winter soldier fanfic #steve rogers and bucky barnes #captain america and the winter soldier #struggling with how much i should make him be mean to steve lol #and for how long #and I have a little brainworm that Tony finds out about his parents a different way while the WS is in custody in stark tower #and him and steve fighting causes the soldier to break out to protect steve #🤷🤷🤷#what happens next?? eww i have to write it to find out???

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hazedxhealing · 5 months

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i am now super curious why you thought you were a system, what brought you to believe you were a system, and why you stopped believing you were a system. do you still experience "system-esque" experiences but consider them singlet experiences now?

also my comment about you sounding like a detrans individual is like a comparison of apples to oranges, similar in my brain although obviously different in other ways. just because you were mistaken about your plural experiences does not mean that everyone else is, which is similar (not equal or the exact same, but similar) to some detrans people assuming everyone else is actually not trans and was deluded / misinformed.

and i will seethe, because it's frustrating to see singlets spread judgemental nonsense when the science doesn't conclusively say shit. the science doesn't say "there's definitely no way to experience multiple people in the brain without trauma", it says that the disorder labeled DID is the primary way they see it and treat it, since IT'S A DISORDER. if its not a disorder for someone, why would DISORDER specialists CARE? most research of systemhood (that isn't "aww look at this sad person who was hurt so so bad and cannot function :(( they need to become Whole again <3 i hope they become Normal and One Being instead of being InSaNe") is still in its 'childhood'. just like... a lot of science relating to the brain, imo.

anyway i will block you after you respond to this ask, it's just annoying to see singlets in syscourse. you cannot speak for us. you do not speak for the system community unless you ARE a system or are a professional that is trustworthy and fact checked to not be an ableist shitbag.

I’m going to preface this, again, with how I’ve done my own extensive almost decade long independent research, where I dug up literal studies, done by medical professionals, and cross referenced that with the multiple versions of the DSM-5 and psych textbooks I was studying. I then took that information, complied a list of questions, and asked my own psychiatrist these questions after my appointments off record, and cross referenced that with what information I’d already had. And then I took all of that multiple years worth of research I’d done and took it to my best friend who is a LITERAL CERTIFIED PSYCH WHO WENT TO COLLEGE FOR IT, and we cross referenced all of that with her own textbooks and DSM-5 variations.

I’ve done enough research to know what I’m talking about. I’ve gotten enough confirmation from medical professionals to know what I’m talking about. Science, and psychology, say that the only way to be plural outside of cultural differences is severe and repetitive childhood trauma. There is no other way to break the psyche down enough to cause fragmentation of one’s personality.

I thought I was a system for multiple different reasons, one being I fit the criteria including severe repeated childhood trauma as well as a few other factors that can be comorbid with other disorders.

I would have to completely trauma dump to explain where the line between what I thought it was and what it actually was happened.

But for a good bit of my formative years I’d had these symptoms, and lived my life as a system. Flash forward to being with my ex husband, who WAS FAKING DID HIMSELF, who had me brainwashed, who Munchhausen by proxy-ed me multiple times before, was using the same logic endos have and willing alters to appear. He was MAKING alter, the same way endos do, and even with his own, he used them as a crutch to abuse me.

So, I went to my - again, medically certified - psych best friend, and was like, hey (insert big long text about how my plural experience seems fucky and I’m kinda confused) and she came back with (insert long message about how it’s not DID, it’s BPD and my ex husband definitely forced the DID dx on me but I didn’t know it was forced into me because, again, brainwashed, MCBP)

I have enough of an experience with how DID does and doesn’t worth, I have enough of my own experience, plus watching my ex husband faking, plus multiple medical professionals confirming the research I’d done, plus the research itself, to have a leg in this conversation.

If you don’t like that I am advocating for people to STOP FAKING SERIOUS AND DEBILITATING MENTAL ILLNESS then that is a you problem, not a me problem. If you would rather people continue to make it harder for you to be taken seriously, or to be treated in times like medical abuse, or make it even harder to be evaluated because of the culture around DIDOSDD they are laying down, then go for it but I’m not going to continue to let people use a disorder caused by the most horrific childhood experiences for clout.

#anti endo #anti endogenic #endos dni #syscourse #endos aren't real #tw syscourse #endos shut the fuck up challenge (impossible)#did is a disorder #fake disorder cringe #did research #stop faking did you clowns #(still advocating)#(no longer questioning)

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duhragonball · 2 years

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I guess this new DBS movie trailer came out recently, so let’s talk about it.

Gohan has a much bigger presence in this one than he did in the previous teasers and promotional images. Also, I’ve started to notice that all of the footage of Goku and Vegeta shows them on Beerus’ planet, while Gohan and Piccolo appear to be the only ones fighting against Gamma 1 and 2.

Of course, that could just be a coincidence, or they don’t want to spoil some big moment with Goku and Vegeta on Earth. But it sure looks like the same plot structure as Resurrection F, where Goku and Vegeta are away, so it’s up to the supporting cast to hold the line.

I always thought they could do a story like that one, except Goku and Vegeta just don’t show up to save the day, and Gohan (or someone else) has to win on his own. This sure does feel like that general idea, but maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions.

Other than that, I guess the only major news from the trailer is that it confirms that this is a Red Ribbon revenge plot. Gamma 1 and Gamma 2 are apparently a new pair of androids they’re using.

I’m mostly intrigued to learn more about this Red Ribbon faction. This all seems like a continuation of Dr. Gero’s vendetta, but Gero was always depicted as working alone. I always assumed he was the only one left who still cared. So are these new characters connected with him, or are they pursuing an independent revenge plot?

It’s probably simpler if they had nothing to do with Gero. The public never even knew what Gero was up to, or that he was the mastermind behind Cell. This new RR group might not have any idea that Gero survived the massacre of Red Ribbon HQ all those years ago. The only real connection seems to be that they’re using artificial humans to fight for them, but they’ve had that technology for a long time. It’s not a stretch to assume that Gero had colleagues in the Red Ribbon Army.

It also makes sense that they’re not just bringing back Cell. First and foremost, Cell didn’t work. This isn’t like Frieza, where his henchmen needed a leader and no one else would do. Cell was Plan C or D in a long list of revenge schemes, and he still lost. There’s no one in-universe who would say “Yeah, we need that guy back!”

Besides, even if Dr. Gero were still alive, he wouldn’t be able to build a new Cell, because his computer did most of the work on that project, and it still took decades to complete him. I guess if someone had the records from that computer, they could find ways to improve the process, but it was destroyed before it could finish the job. It just makes more sense for the new Red Ribbon guys to chart their own course. Presumably, Gamma 1 and 2 are superior to Cell, so there’s no reason to reinvent the wheel.

I’m the biggest Cell fan I know, but I’ve always been nervous that Toei and/or Toriyama would try to bring him back for a quick cash grab. Because that’s basically what they did with Frieza and it’s been pretty dumb so far. This new DBS movie feels like it’s the closest we’ve ever come to a Red Ribbon/Androids revival, and yet Cell is nowhere to be found. I find this very encouraging. If they can show restraint here, then there’s much less chance of Cell showing up in “DBS Movie 5: The Return of Hatchiyack” or whatever.

#dragon ball super super hero

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fromthedeskofelizabeththird · 3 years

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Habanero

You're a good girl, well behaved.

Absolutely not the type to rail random guys in nightclubs.

Until you are.

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Aizawa x Reader, Present Mic x Reader, eventual polyamorous Erasermic x Reader

Rating: Teen-ish, some references of sexual activity, but nothing explicit.

Trigger Warnings: None

AO3: Here | Want to support me? I have a Kofi

Chapter: 10/16 (all chapters)

The last time you were in UA this late, you had given Shouta a faceful of pepper spray.

You shuddered as you swiped your ID and headed inside with Hizashi, still not sure you believed that any of this was real.

Only a matter of hours ago, you had been soaking in his bathtub, enveloped in far, far too many bubbles. You could still smell them against your skin, still feel the telltale ache between your thighs from your earlier activities.

Even as you strode through the corridors, Hizashi’s touches ghosted your body. You could still feel the tickles from where he had gotten down on his knees to fasten your shoes for you, the way he had stroked your hair and lulled you into sleep.

In many respects, you felt guilty. Hosu had burned while you paid for doughnuts. People had been grievously wounded while you cried out in pleasure. You had fallen asleep with your head on Hizashi’s chest while children came face to face with a serial killer.

Rationally speaking, you knew that there was nothing you could have done. You might have worked at UA but that didn’t change the fact that you were a civilian. Even if you had been on the scene, you would only have gotten in the way, but that knowledge did nothing to ease the pangs of guilt.

Several of the other teachers had already gathered in the conference room generally reserved for staff meetings. Several of them, including Shouta, had plainly come straight from patrolling the streets. Others, such as Cementoss, had been disturbed from sleep and still not quite woken up. Nezu sat at the head of the table, resting his head on his hands with a grave expression, while All Might paced the room, no doubt concerned for Midoriya.

You heard Shouta long before you saw him.

“This is bullshit and you know it.”

He was leaning against the wall, arms folded and looking furious, though where exactly that anger was directed you couldn’t be sure.

“Yo, yo, yo!” Hizashi called out as you entered the room. “Did someone call for a party?!”

Everyone turned to look in your direction, several rubbing their temples at the sudden noise. Shouta‘s eyes darted from you to Hizashi, plainly joining the dots.

You took in the stern faces and heavy atmosphere, before clapping your hands together.

“I’m going to make some coffee.”

~~~~

It took around half an hour for the rest of the faculty to arrive, by which time everyone had either taken a seat at the table or positioned themselves somewhere in the room. You sat down a few chairs down from Nezu, between Vlad and Hizashi. Shouta stayed on his feet, visibly agitated.

“I’ve called you all here to discuss the events in Hosu city,” said Nezu at last. “I’m sure you’ve all seen the news by now… but for those of you who haven’t…”

He pressed a button on the desk, switching on the enormous television screen behind him. You winced at the footage of Hosu shining like an inferno.

“Earlier this evening, the Hero Killer Stain was taken into police custody,” he said. “I’m sure you are all aware of his troubling history.”

Just about everyone had heard of the Hero Killer. He was responsible for the deaths of multiple heroes, as well as the critical injuries of many more. For most, he was a boogeyman.

“Recently, the hero killer struck in Hosu city, permanently disabling the hero Ingenium, also known as Iida Tensei,” said Nezu, “or, perhaps more importantly, the older brother of 1-A student Iida Tenya.”

You folded your arms and glanced at Shouta out of the corner of your eye, remembering a conversation you had had a week before.

You hadn’t talked much after he told you everything Hizashi liked, though that in itself wasn’t too far out of the ordinary. Shouta wasn’t a talkative person even when his schedule was forgiving.

He had knocked on your office door a little after lunch and sank down into the chair opposite your desk, arms folded and with a stony expression.

“Iida,” he had said, dropping a file on your desk. “I want you to speak to him.”

Earlier that day he had received a phone call from Iida’s mother, who was distressed to say the least about what had happened to the older of her sons. She had wanted UA to be aware of his situation and forgiving of any strange behaviour over the next few weeks. The worst case scenario would result in time off school.

Tenya would have needed counselling even without the grave circumstances of Tensei’s injuries and you met with him twice after the sports festival, though he had little interest in opening up. He thanked you for your concerns in the respectful manner you had come to expect from him, though shut down any attempt to discuss how he truly felt.

You and Shouta had both been concerned for him, though limited in exactly how far you could intervene. Never had it been more apparent than when he submitted his internship application. Shouta arrived in your office again, suspicious of the reasoning behind Tenya’s agency of choice, though Tenya himself denied any ulterior motives. Neither you nor Shouta had the power to deny him his agency of choice after both sides had agreed and so he had gone to work with Manual, now confirming all of your worst fears.

“Tonight, three of our students faced off against the hero killer, acting independently without the authority of their supervisors,” said Nezu. “Currently, we have only limited information available, but I do know that these students are Midoriya Izuku, Iida Tenya and Todoroki Shoto.”

As the daughter of a prosecutor, you knew without having to ask that this was a serious situation.

Even before you knew how to read and write, you understood the basics of hero law. Your father had decided all of his children would be lawyers and every family meal swiftly turned into a game of rapid fire questions.

“Could it be,” you said, “you’re going to expel them?”

Nezu sighed, resting his head on his hands.

“The incident is currently under investigation,” he said, “but that is a likely outcome.”

“And I’m telling you, it’s bullshit,” said Shouta. “What’s the point in training heroes if we punish them for acts of heroism?”

“The laws on this matter are quite clear,” said Nezu, “albeit short sighted. If three of our best students are expelled, not only will our reputation suffer greatly but it will quickly feed into the rhetoric of villains. For heroes to be punished for saving lives...well...doesn’t that only add fuel to the argument that modern hero society encourages grandstanding more than it does justice?”

“Is there nothing we can do?” Hizashi piped up. “Character references, that sort of thing?”

“Unfortunately, our hands are tied. At present the case is in the hands of the authorities,” said Nezu, “and heroes in general cannot interfere with the law. We can only hope that they reach a favourable conclusion.”

“We do need a plan of action, though,” said Nemuri. “If the students are formally charged, there’ll be reporters halfway around the block by sunrise.”

“We’re currently lacking critical information,” sighed Nezu. “Any action we take now would be based on pure hypotheticals.”

You chewed your thumbnail and watched the television, watching as the hero killer took several steps towards Midoriya.

“For a case this severe,” you said, “it’ll go all of the way to the top, likely overseen by the Chief of Police...”

“I imagine so.”

“In that case,” you said, “I think it’ll be okay.”

All eyes fell on you and heat rose in your cheeks.

“Uh, a-a-a-a-at least that’s my opinion!”

“No,” said Nezu, “go on.”

“Well,” you said, thinking back to your father’s dinner table quizzes, “I’m not too sure how to put this...hmm...but for a case like this, there’s a burden of proof. It’s not enough that they happened to be there at the time. You need proof that they each broke the law; that they each individually ignored orders and attacked Stain without permission. This would mean verifying wound patterns, collecting eyewitness reports, taking testimonies from all involved...”

You turned to look at the television, a grim expression across your face.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that of all of the footage of this incident, we’ve only ever seen that one looping video of Stain right before he collapsed? Considering everything happening in Hosu at the time, doesn’t it seem just a little bit likely that that is the only footage? Why haven’t they mentioned eyewitnesses?”

“Stain is known for keeping to the shadows,” said Nemuri. “It’d make sense for him to choose a place away from the public eye, with very few security cameras and minimal chances of being disturbed...which in this instance would work in our favour…”

“And if we consider the students’ quirks,” said Shouta, “Midoriya’s quirk is strength based, Iida’s is speed based, Todoroki’s consists of fire and ice…”

“...and we already know the city was burning,” said Hizashi, “there’s footage of Endeavour at the scene…”

“And Gran Torino,” said All Might. “His quirk is speed based. If we take into account Endeavour’s physical strength and fire, as well as Gran Torino’s speed...then all we have to account for is Todoroki’s ice...”

“...and it’d be difficult to prove either way that it was used to attack as opposed to defend. It’s likely at least one of them has injuries from Stain’s blade,” said Vlad.

“In the chaos of the overall incident, only the students and their supervisors can definitively say they ignored instructions,” said Cementoss. “So we just need to rely on Todoroki, Midoriya and Iida to play it smart.”

All eyes fell on Shouta.

He sighed.

“We’re screwed.”

~~~

You stayed on site for a few hours after that, going over contingency plans until Hizashi offered to walk you home. If tonight had taught you nothing else, it was how dangerous the streets could be and so you were only too happy to take him up on it. Not to mention, you wanted to have a frank discussion about how you were going to proceed now that you’d slept together.

“Is it always like this?”

“Hmm? Like what?”

You gazed up at the sky and stifled a yawn, taking note of the sunrise. To say tonight hadn’t gone as planned was an understatement.

“Ever since I came here,” you said. “It feels like there’s been one drama after another.”

“I think,” said Hizashi, booping your nose, “the universe saved it all just for you.”

You laughed at that, for he had no idea just how right he actually was. You had already slept with a coworker by your second day.

“Hey, hey you guys!”

Heels clattered against the tarmac and Nemuri threw her arms around you both. She was as dressed up as you were and you remembered grimly what Hizashi had said to you outside of Les Papilles , which was only a few hours ago, but felt like decades.

You kinda put us in the mood for French food.

Hizashi hadn’t gone to Les Papilles alone and, given he and Nemuri already had plans to hang out that evening, it made sense that they would have gone together.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” said Hizashi with a smirk, “where’ve you been?”

“Asking all of the wrong questions, Mic,” she said, letting go of both of you. “Where haven’t I been?”

She reached up to cup your face and squeeze your cheeks.

“I have something for you,” she said.

“Iv it a glath of wine?”

“No, something way better!”

Nemuri took a step back and rummaged in her bra, leaving you a heady mix of intrigued and nervous. She pulled out a slip of paper and handed it over, eyes bright with excitement. You unfolded it, trying not to think about how warm it was.

It was a receipt from a pricey jewellery store for an equally pricey engagement ring. You reached into your purse, feeling around until your fingers landed on smooth metal. You dragged out the ring and read the receipt, matching up the item to the description.

“This...this is,” you said, eyes wide. “How did you get this?”

“I have my ways.”

You couldn’t look away from the price at the bottom; Akira must have chosen the most expensive one in the store. With that sort of money, you could pay your rent several times over and still have enough left to buy several ordinary engagement rings.

“This…I...”

You were more than a little bit overwhelmed. You had known Nemuri and Hizashi only a few months and yet they’d done so much for you.

How would the night have gone without them?

Would you have spent another 45 minutes in the shower like you did the day he dumped you?

Your eyes welled with tears and threw your arms around both of them, murmuring your thanks over and over. Nemuri stroked your back, Hizashi stroked your hair and for a moment all was right in the world, the Hosu incident and Akira’s cruel words at the back of your mind.

Only one thing could have made it better, you considered, heart skipping a beat at the sound of Shouta’s voice only a moment later.

“The hell did you two do?”

You supposed from an outsider’s perspective, it wasn’t immediately obvious that your tears were happy ones and you took a step back, meaning to reassure him that everything was okay. Hizashi got there before you, though, reaching an arm towards him.

“Ahh, Sho,” called out Hizashi, “come on, we’re having a moment. Group hug!”

“No.”

“Come into my arms, Eraser,” purred Nemuri.

“Never gonna happen.”

“Aw c’monnnnnnn.”

“No. I’m leaving.”

He turned to go and you untangled yourself from the hug, still rubbing the tears from your eyes as you picked up your pace and followed him, looping your arms around his middle and pressing your face into his back. He peered over his shoulder, visibly bewildered, though didn’t pull away.

“Thank you,” you murmured, “thank you.”

“What for?”

You considered it, struggling to settle on one singular thing.

You remembered standing in front of your bathroom mirror with a pair of kitchen scissors and drugstore hair dye; remembered the emergency salon trip that swiftly followed. You remembered the expressions of shock as you handed in your resignation at your previous job; the excitement and hope you had felt on your first day at UA.

You remembered Akira’s words outside of Les Papilles .

Who else is going to want you?

You knew he had only said that to hurt you and in another life it would have knocked you for six. Now, though, it was clear to you that he was only repeating the same words you had told yourself every day since your first date.

Shouta was supposed to have been a one night stand and could so easily have been a costly mistake, but had instead been a turning point. He wanted you when it mattered, even if your encounter had only been sex. Until then you hadn’t known how it felt to be desired, didn’t know what it was like to be wanted without putting on some sort of mask. All of your life you had twisted and turned to become the person others needed. Shouta, though, had wanted you when all he knew was your name.

You didn’t know how to thank him for that.

Instead you said something else; something that gave him goosebumps and sent the tension from his body; something that brought crooked smiles to Hizashi and Nemuri’s face when they overheard it.

Something that, though none of you knew it then, Shouta would replay in his mind in the weeks to come.

~~~~~

As you embraced Shouta, everything falling into place, Masayama Akira woke up in cold sweats. His head pounded, his feet were numb and he realised, as he rubbed his temples, that he had no idea where he was.

He stumbled to his feet and glanced at his surroundings: the sky overhead and cold breeze. His heart skipped a beat when he realised he was at the top of a skyscraper with no shoes or jacket.

“What the f-,” he mumbled, hobbling towards the door.

He remembered only vague details of the night before, of getting down on one knee and eating dinner with another woman; a woman he had gotten drunk with and spent the night ranting to over beers.

“She’s nothing,” he remembered saying, holding up his beer for a toast. “I’m better without her.”

“Akira,” the woman had cooed, “you’re so right. You need to rid yourself of her...and I know exactly where to start.”

She stroked a hand to his arm, so gently that it made him shiver.

“Did you, by any chance, keep the receipt for the ring?”

Akira sighed in despair as he reached for the door handle, remembering nothing after that. Perhaps he’d call her once he’d had coffee.

Unfortunately, Akira realised very quickly that he wouldn’t be getting coffee any time soon. The door to the building was sealed shut and wouldn’t give no matter how hard he yanked at it.

He cursed and reached into his pocket for his phone, only to curse louder at the realisation that he was too high up to receive any sort of signal.

This was, perhaps, the worst thing to ever happen to him, overshadowed only by the knowledge that even now, after everything, his instinct was to call you.

#aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #habanero #present mic x reader #hizashi yamada x reader

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haddocknumber3 · 3 years

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Defense of The Hidden World.

This is my first time posting here in ages but I’ve been working on an essay in defense of HTTYD 3. Some of the possible responses I’ve seen against arguments defending the movie will be answered throughout. (warning this is long, like, ridiculously long so if you don’t read this then I completely understand. I just wanted a place to formulate and explain my opinion.

Hiccup and Toothless’ relationship proved that a genuine, unflinchingly honest and unconditional love could exist between humans and dragons. It proved to the world that co-existence was possible, but maybe not yet. However the main thing that I found to be so profound about THW was that even though they loved each other, they were both willing to explore their own identities separate from each other. Once Toothless found the Lightfury, he re-discovered what it meant to be a dragon. Not a domesticated dragon but a pure, natural dragon. He found that he had instincts that he never knew he had. For instance, he tries to do a mating dance by himself as well as the simple fact that he was so in love with the Light Fury. So when he wanted to mate with the light fury he turned to Hiccup for advice (third date scene) because not only did he not know what to do, but he had seen Hiccup getting closer with Astrid over the years and now that he finally found someone else, he wanted advice on how to handle it. That just shows the love between them. Yes, Hiccup made mistakes in the movie in terms of how he handled Toothless getting with the Lightfury. He was anxious and felt as if he needed to be there to protect him so he desperately tried to halt Grimmel and the armada’s advance without Toothless because he knew he had to do something. However he failed at this and caused Ruffnut to be captured. This causes him to feel like he can’t lead properly without Toothless. He has always doubted whether he’s worthy, but this time he genuinely feels as if he doesn’t know who he is without Toothless. This is confirmed when Astrid and Valka have that brief conversation after Hiccup storms off (after they’ve returned from Grimmel’s tower) and they say:

“He thinks he has to lead alone, well, because his father had to. He doesn’t realize the strength you have together. Do you still believe in him?” - Valka

“Of course, I wish he did. But he thinks he’s nothing without Toothless.” - Astrid

“Then help him realize the truth” - Valka

This comes to a head when Grimmel had just captured Toothless, the Lightfury, and all of Berk’s dragons and he has flown off. Hiccup and Astrid have that conversation on the cliff and while the entire conversation is so so so damn important and powerful, there is one quote that sums it up:

“You are the bravest, most stubborn, determined, knucklehead I know. Toothless didn’t give you that Hiccup. He just-” - Astrid

“-made it easier” - Hiccup

All of this works so magnificently because the film has been able to show that both Hiccup and Toothless now have different goals in life. It’s just so beautiful how the film allows both characters to explore and accept their own identities without having any grievances towards each other in the process. Even though Hiccup is anxious about Toothless leaving him, it doesn’t mean he resents him for it. He is just concerned for his best friend’s safety out in the wild.

When that final scene of them saying goodbye comes along, it’s so impactful because they both realize that while obviously they could just all stay as they are and nothing would change, that wouldn’t be the right thing to do at this point. While Hiccup (and the audience) want to see the message at the end of HTTYD 2 fulfilled where the world could be changed into a dragon-human paradise, it isn’t realistic, no matter how much we believe it could happen.

“Doesn’t this go against the themes of the franchise?”

In a way, yes. But also it was the only real CONCLUSION the characters could have come to. I mean, what else was there to learn about the world other than the fact that trying to create a dragon/human paradise isn’t sustainable forever. They were able to create one on Berk but that didn’t last. People will always continue to try and disrupt this way of life. Evil people like Grimmel will always be around to exploit dragon-kind for their own nefarious goals.

“But isn’t that the point? To always fight and stand up for the dragons and not give up by sending them away to some other place?”

Well your not wrong, but isn’t allowing them to live in a paradise where they will never be harmed by other humans ever again worth it? Isn’t it worth it to find peace without the need for war? Isn’t that what a chief is supposed to do?

“A chief protects his own” That’s the point. It IS a sacrifice. Because even though the Berkians may consider the dragons as their own, they aren’t. They are still independent dragons. (I give an example of this later on in the form of a deleted scene) It’s a sacrifice of the idealistic views that the second movie explored. Even that movie proved that consequences would come from actively trying to change the entire world’s view. However it shouldn’t (and didn’t) dissuade the Berkians from trying to continue to live in peace with their dragons.

Also I just want to bring up the fact that some people have drawn parallels between this movie and certain aspects of real life. I understand, but that isn’t the story that is being told. The metaphors did get pretty muddled sadly but I can assure you that isn’t the intent behind the movie. So if you have any ill will towards the movie because of that then I’m sorry that was the message that you took away from it. Just know that wasn’t the intention and wasn’t the story being told.

Hiccup, who had now become chief, actively tried to save the dragons that were in captivity or being harmed by the hunters and warlords of the world. Instead of trying to change their minds (and Grimmel’s mind) like he tried to do with Drago in HTTYD 2, he actively tries to sabotage their activities of caging and using dragons and bringing them back to Berk so they could be safe. However, by the opening of the third movie, it is clear that Berk has become overcrowded.

“But couldn’t they have spread out?”

Well, a deleted scene confirms they did by referencing their “nest in the north” so it’s clear that they had spread out. But Berk was their main settlement and they couldn’t maintain dozens of other settlements full of dragons 24/7.

Wait but couldn’t they have asked other friendly civilizations like the Berserkers or the Wingmadens to look after them and follow in Berk’s example?

Yeah of course, but eventually they would run into the same problem as Berk did at the beginning of the third movie. If they kept bring back dragons to Berk or any other dragon friendly civilization, then eventually they would get overcrowded. It may take a while but the possibility of it happening is pretty large.

“Nah doesn’t make sense. That wouldn’t happen because they would all just defend their islands/civilizations against their enemies like they have done for the entire TV series.”

...Once again, it’s not sustainable. That’s why the Hidden World exists. It’s a place where the dragons can live totally out of reach and where they can be safe.

“Oh but the whole idea of the Hidden World is contrived bullshit just made up to move the plot along.”

Couldn’t Frodo and the Fellowship just use the eagles to fly all the way to Mount Doom so he could drop the ring in and call it a day? What’s the reason there? So the plot could happen? Hmmm. But in all seriousness though I don’t have anything against LOTR and in fact it’s one of my favorite series besides HTTYD. Also they couldn’t have used the eagles because on the way the Black Riders who were on the dragons would have taken them out. Also they could have been shot down- oKAY back to the Hidden World. The idea of the Hidden World is kind of contrived but at the same time it is using the lack of an established explanation of where the dragons actually came from and utilizing it.

“But they would have just been on the surface the whole time?”

As I said, there is a lack of an explanation. So why not? why not delve deeper into the lore of the dragons. The idea of Hiccup discovering the ancestral home of all dragons is awesome! It doesn’t conflict with anything previously established in terms of where they came from because there is no explanation.

“What about Vanaheim, the eternal resting place of all dragons from RTTE?”

Good point, but that doesn’t mean that the dragons couldn’t have lived and evolved underground and then come up to the surface and gone to Vanaheim. I mean, obviously not every dragon was in the Hidden World so it would have been easier for them to just travel there but I don’t see this as a massive issue though.

“Why does Hiccup say “The world believes the dragons are gone” in the epilogue if just Berk’s dragons left.”

This is a really solid point so I’ll do my best with this one but at the same time, it is a really good point. I imagine that by the time the third movie comes around, Berk had become such a safe haven for dragons that you could say most of the world’s dragons resided on Berk. But this is kind of flimsy too and doesn’t exactly make sense. The way I see it, this is a valid “plot hole” but at the same time I don’t really care? I don’t know for me it was just an emotional way of putting the ending of the film into words. I don’t have a valid explanation for it but whenever I watch the film I just roll with it because I’m already wrapped up in the emotion of it all that I just don’t care, and to be honest I’m glad I don’t. That’s just me though. If you have an issue with this then I totally understand because dragons like the Buffalord or the Eruptadon can’t exactly leave their islands sooooo yea...

“The Hidden World conflicts with established lore of the whole series.”

I’m pretty sure this is referring to Grimmel killing all the Nightfuries and Stoick not telling Hiccup about it. To be honest this is the plot hole that I’ve tried to patch up but can’t find a reasonable explanation for. However, it’s one of those tiny discrepancies for me that doesn’t hurt or hinder my enjoyment or engagement with the trilogy.

“Why was the armada defeated so quickly? As Valka said, there were probably over 100 ships. How did the Dragon Riders defeat an entire fleet of ships so quickly?”

Well, most of the ships were on fire by the end of the final battle and all of the dragons had been freed by that point. Also, Astrid managed to reach the wheel of the main barge and lock it into position so it would crash into the ships beside it and take multiple of them out. So we can infer that not only are all of the dragons free, but also pretty much all of the ships have been set alight and are now in the process of burning down and sinking.

“What about the Warlords?”

Ragnar the rock (the big guy) gets chased off and supposedly eaten by the Hobgobblers and the other two get trapped in a cage that slides down the front deck of their ship (because Astrid caused the ship to crash into the other ones) and traps them in it. So basically all 3 warlords are incapacitated or dead.

Ok back to the main point from a few paragraphs back lol: Berk was overcrowded and they needed a solution. Hiccup knew that something had to be done so when he was standing in the same quiet spot where his father told him a mystical tale of a hidden dragon world, it causes him to think about whether it was real or not. Could that be the solution? They would be able to stay with the dragons in the hidden world because they were dragon loving people (that’s Hiccup’s logic.) However, when Grimmel arrives and berates him about his view of dragons and Berk’s way of life. Hiccup stands up to him because he has defended Berk’s way of life from far worse than a mere lone dragon hunter. But after Hiccup experiences the terror and destruction that this one hunter could cause on his home, he now fully realizes that they need to leave Berk because they are not only overcrowded but now they have a ruthless hunter ready to return at any point and cause more destruction upon Berk; possibly even killing many of his people including himself and definitely Toothless. It’s a long shot but he decides that if Berk wants to live in peace with their dragons then they need to disappear into the hidden world where the warlords and their armada along with Grimmel can’t ever find them again. They will be safe forever. It will be a human/dragon paradise that will be untouched.

Another question that comes up is:

“Well why can’t they stand and fight. That should be the message. That their ideological views would not waver because some more people threaten their home with war.”

That’s a fair judgement to be honest, however, as Hiccup learnt in the second film from his father: “Berk is what you need to worry about, a chief protects his own” - Stoick.

In a deleted scene from the third movie, it has this exchange between Hiccup and Valka:

“I know, I know, he has to win her over but I’m telling you, once she (the Lightfury) moves in it’ll all be perfect” - Hiccup

“Eret and I returned from the scout, Berk was burned to the ground” - Valka

“At least everyone’s safe” - Hiccup

“For now” - Valka

“No one can find us here” - Hiccup

“That’s what I used to believe, Hiccup, but they’ve found our nest in the far north too. Greedy humans, will always find a way” - Valka

“I don’t believe that” - Hiccup

“I...I know it might be hard for you to accept, but the dream that you and I yearn for, you know, this untouchable dragon utopia, I fear it just doesn’t exist. I mean, maybe in the end the dragons are safer in the wild.” - Valka

“What, with crazy people like Grimmel around?” - Hiccup

“The more dragons we bring back, the bigger of a target we all become” - Valka

“But they’re safer with us. We protect them” - Hiccup

“And we’ll continue to do so, but I fear for their safety in these large numbers. Tame dragons are more vulnerable to humans. Their trust in us becomes their weakness. In the wild, they’re better adapted to protect themselves” - Valka

“A chief protects his own, that’s what Dad always said” - Hiccup

“And he was right. But as much as we love our dragons Hiccup, they are not our own. There’s a fine line between being a protector and a captor. I only ask that you think about it” - Valka

The fact that this is a deleted scene is really frustrating because it put the themes that the movie is trying to explore into proper dialogue. Valka understands that moving around with this massive amount of dragons isn’t safe for anyone. If they were to be released into the wild then they could have a better chance at surviving. Even though the dragons will still be at danger in the wild, that’s the point of the hidden world. The dragons can live there together in complete and total safety.

Once Hiccup and Astrid discover the Hidden World and find that Toothless has settled in with the Lightfury and is safe and comfortable, he then realizes that it wouldn’t be fair to try and bring him back to New Berk. He’s found a home away from the troubles of the world. He doesn’t have to be afraid anymore. He can have a family in the peace and safety of the Hidden World as well as being surrounded by his own kind. On top of this realization, Hiccup and Astrid get attacked by a wild dragon and have to try and flee. When Toothless sees this he flies to protect his friend and take them back to New Berk where THEY will be safe, not him. As a result of this, Hiccup not only comes to the conclusion that humans aren’t meant for the Hidden World, but he finally understands what Valka was trying to tell him earlier (in that deleted scene.) The dragons WOULD be safer there. I mean, sure. They could stay up there at New Berk and they could continue to live life as they always have. But then what? What happens when another Grimmel comes around and manages to inflict worse upon Berk’s population. When will Hiccup be able to solve the entire world. The answer is, he can’t. But he can allow for the dragons to live in the Hidden World. He can give them a life where they can never be harmed again. Isn’t this better?

A statement that may come from this is that:

“Oh but that means Grimmel won. The villain literally won. What the fuck, this is so disgusting and disappointing. How can anyone like this?”

Those people are free the feel that way. However, he didn’t win. Not entirely. Yes, he completely opposed co-existence to the point where he would gladly kill any dragon to prove that point. He wants the world to continue killing dragons because that is a fundamental aspect of who he is. It proves to him that he is right. He is the self-proclaimed Nightfury Killer. But this still doesn’t mean that he wins in the end. Yes, dragons and humans do have to separate. But Grimmel’s ultimate goal was to kill all of the dragons. Wipe them off the face of the earth. From a certain perspective, he achieves this because dragons do have to live in the Hidden World away from humans, but that doesn’t mean he won. They are all still alive aren’t they? He failed in his mission to kill them. He failed in killing Toothless. He failed at his one purpose in life. So no, he didn’t win in the end. There is a difference between a villain totally and completely winning against the heroes like Thanos did at the end of Infinity War, and this, where Grimmel not only died as a result of his flawed and evil ideals but did not get to carry out the goal that made him who he is. The dragons leaving was a choice made by Hiccup. It was a sacrifice made out of love. If Grimmel was to win, then he would have had to kill Toothless and either see all the dragons locked away in cages for the rest of their lives or for them to be killed too. I could go on and on about this point in particular but I’ll stop here.

Once the final battle begins, Hiccup isn’t fighting to free the dragons so they can continue to live on in a peaceful dragon utopia like they did in HTTYD 2, he is fighting for their survival. So by the end of the battle when Grimmel is holding onto Hiccup, who is holding onto the Lightfury, he knows that the only option to save Toothless from falling to his doom is to take the harness off the Lightfury, releasing her from the power of the Death gripper venom and let go, causing Hiccup along with Grimmel, to fall to their deaths. This is the ultimate act of love. This is what the whole trilogy has been building to because for years Hiccup has remained adamant that Toothless and him belonged together. Hiccup would always be there to protect Toothless and Toothless would always be there to protect Hiccup. But after all this time of Hiccup learning that Toothless will be safe with the Lightfury in the Hidden World, he has the courage to let go and sacrifice himself for his best friend.

After the Lightfury has saved him and all of Berk reunite with their dragons. Hiccup and Toothless both realize that after all this time of the two co-depending on each other, it’s time for them to fulfil their own destinies of being the leader of their respective tribes.

“I was so busy fighting for a world that I wanted, I didn’t think about what you needed.” - Hiccup.

This quote clearly demonstrates Hiccup’s deeper understanding of the implications that come with his evolving emotional maturity. For him to fully grow up and become to true leader of Berk, he needs to learn to let go of his best friend. He needs to grow up. Some may call this contrived and/or unnecessary however I don’t see it that way in the slightest. The Hidden World is, as Hiccup puts it earlier in the film “a secret land at the edge of the world where dragons lived totally out of reach.” So when the dragons have the option of living in a place where they are totally safe from the outside world, then why wouldn’t they take that. (I’m honestly repeating myself at this point but I don’t care.) For Hiccup to fully be able to step into the role as the wise and selfless chief that he was always destined to become, he needed to learn the valuable lesson of letting go. If he didn’t, then he would never be able to see things from a new, better and wiser perspective. He would never be able to grow as an individual, thus possibly impacting how he rules Berk and how he deals with situations that come with being chief. He has always relied on Toothless for his strength as a person, friend, and leader, but by the end of the Hidden World, he realizes that his true strength lies within himself and Astrid. Here’s a conversation from HTTYD 2 to support this:

(Between Astrid and Hiccup towards the beginning)

“I’m not like you Astrid, you know exactly who you are, you always have but...I’m still looking. I know that I’m not my father, and I never met my mother so...what does that make me?” - Hiccup

“What your searching for, isn’t out there Hiccup. It’s in here.*points to his chest* Maybe you just don’t see it yet” - Astrid

By allowing themselves to fulfil their own personal destinies of discovering their own identities along with finding their own loved ones, they are able to say goodbye to each other and live ‘together from afar.’ The dragons will be safe, and Berk will be safe. But, even though the world believes the dragons are gone, the Berkians know otherwise. And they’ll guard the secret until the time comes when dragons can return in peace...

Also the track titled ‘Once there were Dragons’ is a fucking astonishing piece of music that every human on the being on the planet needs to listen to. Anyway thank you so much for reading this if you did. I’ve been struggling with how to present my thoughts and feelings towards this epic conclusion but I’ve been a little afraid to. I tried to on reddit but when people offered extensive constructive criticism towards the points I made, I didn’t exactly take it too well. Maybe that’s because I was getting over a hangover when I read most of it but that doesn't matter because I still didn’t handle it well. But I’ve learnt from that and chosen to take that criticism on board and now that I’ve been able to formulate my opinion the best I can, I’ve used those points they made and tried to analyze them too instead of just ignoring and flat out hand-waiving them. Anyway, if you disagree with anything I’ve said here then that’s totally cool and I’d be happy to listen to your opinions. Still thanks for reading.

#httyd #httyd 3 #httydthw #httyd2 #dragons #httyd rtte #hiccup #grimmel #toothless #lightfury #thehiddenworld #defense #oncethereweredragons #berk #holyfuckingshitthisissolongwtf #valka #astrid #gobber #dragonriders

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

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Ok I’m curious, how would you fix season 8? Which is objectively the worst season IMO but had the most potential

i mean like there were a lot of things wrong with season eight but i think by far the worst thing was their villains like. for starters. making billie and christy our big bad was. bad. and then there was dumain? the triad? the source came back for a second? it was sloppy, at best. like. like!! i think s8 would have benefitted best from a clear-cut villain from the get go, something that was evil with an agenda, that offered a couple one-off plots rather than like. a girl who was kidnapped an emotionally manipulated into believing she's right by older powerful men exploiting her and wrapping up her plot by literally(!!) incinerating her. she burnt to death i'll never be over this she was literally human lmao what the Fuck. so instead of doing a billie manipulated by christy manipulated by dumain who's like. the triad's bitch. Don't. the underworld is currently in chaos what with the source dying and then the avatars stint and the zankou bit. they need leadership. have someone vy for the throne. forget the ultimate power. leave that shit in the dust. we could still potentially have billie, but billie was just a really bad character for charmed where we were. like we just watched the girls go thru endless shit for a near decade and now we have some knockoff buffy like i know more than you!! like it doesn't matter that in some cases, billie is right (hello?? scrying with a laptop????), like, we’ve been with the charmed ones so long like it's so hard to read billie as anything other than annoying. and then both henry and coop were done So Fast like. those could stand to marinate a shade longer. every tho paige and henry's wedding is my fav out of all the weddings on the show (bc it was the cutest) um. it's very ooc. like they can just be in a long term committed relationship. moving in together could be their big thing. maybe getting engaged. but like the speedrun in three months? two months? unbelievable. and then i've mentioned this before coop entering phoebe's story of his own volition as a passing cupid who senses a blocked heart and tries to fix it and then ends up in way over his head when phoebe summons him and threatens to vanquish him. like way more believable than the elders just sending coop down as a sorry present girl what. other people have also pitched work rivals to lovers phoebecoop as two rival pop culture cupids. there are options. skip over dex obvi. i will give a shout out to the way they got rid of leo. the um. mechanics of it were stupid, as previously stated. but i'm always a fan of bringing in death, and i thought it was a good loophole for getting rid of brian 2 save money. oh you know what else i didn't like? agent murphy. fuck that guy he was both boring uninteresting bland and also a dickwad. so. :\

okay. so to salvage s8 on a budget. here's what i'd proposed: focus on seats of power. sets you already have: magic school, the manor, the underworld (presumably). first thing under siege so 2 speak is the manor, now that the charmed ones are dead. paige keeps trying to help charges on the dl, phoebe still practices magic and intervenes in like. letters that warrant it from the advice column. piper and leo are living that domestic life and maybe we get a quote from wyatt just like from melinda in s2 don't worry mommy i promise not to use my magic and like all these girls kinda hit the conclusion hey. this is wrong. we are the charmed ones. let's own up to it. they're back!! we give paige two relevant charges: speed, a future whitelighter who just graduated high school in the spring. no he's not going to college, despite henry's insistence, and later paige's. he'll hit that epiphany later. billie. wicked smart, independant, freshman at berkeley with a tragic past. they r gonna be each other's love interests, giving us a plotline off the sisters so the actresses can have a break because evidently that was a requirement as well. speed's first 2 notice, but billie's first to put the pieces together: there's something demonic afoot in san francisco. and up-and-coming demon clan have been like. like giving mortals demonic powers, granting them magic in exchange for fealty. this can lead for kind of a big final battle, with the charmed ones vs like an army that can easily be disarmed once they find the necessary magical pathway. we can also have the sidequest of magic school, which will soon be falling into the hands of the charmed ones. in fact, we can have the demon clan going for a "magical seat of power" which the girls interpret as the manor but realize almost too late that it is magic school. from there, all the mortals who went demonic can like. be knocked unconscious have their memories wiped and place back in the world like nothing ever happened, wrapping that up in a neat bow. the girls finish the fortification of magic school, resealing its protections and confirming its place as a haven for the next generation of magic. speed almost dies and you think he's gonna die fr fr because he's a future whitelighter and you're like oh that's how we're gonna wrap that plot up but psych! billie saves him at the last minute. they get to stay in a healthy normal relationship together <3 piper gets leo back after the great battle, phoebe and coop get married in the manor and take the place of the paigehenry wedding because like. again they should also hold off on that (maybe we just include it in the flash forward montage) but we kinda do need at least one wedding to wrap this motherfucker up. and paige and henry get a domesticity beat and also maybe a roadtrip we give them a literal drive off into the sunset symbolizing how piper gets the domesticity the white picket fence life she's always wanted phoebe gets true love and the ability to feel whole again and paige gets freedom and independence symbolized by her road trip, which also shows us how magic has reached such a point of stability that each of the charmed ones can actually live on their own. paige drives off into the sunset And Then we get the flashforward montage of everyone's individual happy endings. fin <3

#and then if we're getting that billie spin off we sew the seeds of christy in a scene w her and speed #and her first season is the two of them finding christy #charmed #margaretsminiessays #💌#oh hmm that's the wrong sow #whatever i live in hell

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oscopelabs · 3 years

Text

It’s Arrested Development: How ‘High Fidelity’ Has Endured Beyond Its Cultural Sell-By Date by Vikram Murthi

It’s easy to forget now that at the beginning of 2020, before the pandemic had taken hold of our consciousness, for a brief moment, High Fidelity was back. Not only did Nick Hornby’s debut novel and Stephen Frears’ film adaptation celebrate major milestones this year — 25th and 20th anniversaries, respectively — but a TV adaptation premiered on Hulu in February. In light of all of these arbitrary signposts, multiple thinkpieces and remembrances litigated Hornby’s original text on familiar, predictable grounds. Is the novel/film’s protagonist Rob actually an asshole? (Sure.) Does Hornby uphold his character’s callous attitudes towards women? (Not really.) Hasn’t the story’s gatekeeping, anti-poptimist approach to artistic taste culturally run its course? (Probably.) Why do we need to revisit this story about this person right now? (Fair question!)

Despite reasonable objections on grounds of relevancy, enough good will for the core narrative—record store owner seeks out a series of exes to determine a pattern of behavior following a devastating breakup—apparently exists to help produce a gender-flipped streaming show featuring updated musical references and starring a decidedly not-middle-aged Zoë Kravitz. I only made it through six of ten episodes in its first (and only) season, but I was surprised by how closely the show hewed to High Fidelity’s film adaptation, to the point of re-staging numerous scenes down to character blocking and swiping large swaths of dialogue wholesale. (Similarly, the film adaptation hewed quite close to the novel, with most of the dialogue ripped straight from Hornby.) Admittedly, the series features a more diverse cast than the film, centering different experiences and broadly acknowledging some criticisms of the source material regarding its ostensibly exclusionary worldview. Nevertheless, it seemed like a self-defeating move for the show to line itself so definitively with a text that many consider hopelessly problematic, especially considering the potential to repurpose its premise as a springboard for more contemporary ideas.

High Fidelity’s endurance as both a piece of IP and a flashpoint for media discourse is mildly baffling for obvious reasons. For one thing, its cultural milieu is actually dated. Even correcting for vinyl’s recent financial resurgence, the idea of snooty record store clerks passing judgment on customer preferences has more or less gone the way of the dodo. With the Internet came the democratization of access, ensuring that the cultivation of personal taste is no longer laborious or expensive, or could even be considered particularly impressive (if it ever could have been). Secondly, as one might imagine, some of Hornby’s insights into heterosexual relationships and the differences between men and women, even presented through the flawed, self-deprecating interiority of High Fidelity’s main character, are indeed reductive. Frears’ film actually strips away the vast majority of Hornby’s weaker commentary, but the novel does include such cringeworthy bits like, “What’s the deal with foreplay?” that are best left alone.

Accounting for all of that, though, it’s remarkable how many misreadings of Hornby’s text have been accepted as conventional wisdom. It’s taken as a given by many that the novel and film earnestly preach the notion that what you like is more important than what you are like when, in fact, the narrative arc is constructed around reaching the opposite conclusion. (The last lines of the novel and film are, literally, “…I start to compile in my head a compilation tape for her, something that's full of stuff she's heard of, and full of stuff she'd play. Tonight, for the first time ever, I can sort of see how it's done.”) That’s relatively minor compared to the constant refrain that Rob’s narcissism goes uncriticized, even though the story’s thematic and emotional potency derives from what the audience perceives that Rob cannot. To put it bluntly, High Fidelity’s central irony revolves around a man who listens to music for a living being unable to hear the women in his life.

While Hornby’s prose immerses the reader in Rob’s interior monologue, providing ample room for the character to spout internal justifications of his behavior, the novel hardly obscures or conceals this conclusion. Moreover, the film makes it unavoidably explicit in numerous scenes. Rob (John Cusack) triumphantly pantomimes Rocky Balboa’s boxing routine soundtracked to Queen’s “We Are The Champions” after his ex-girlfriend Laura (Iben Hjejle) confirms she hasn’t yet slept with her new boyfriend Ray (Tim Robbins), but doesn’t hear the part where she says she prefers to sleep next to him. When Laura informs Rob that she did eventually sleep with Ray, Rob completely falls apart. In an earlier, more pointed scene, Rob goes out with his ex-girlfriend from high school (Joelle Carter) to ask why she chose to have sex with an obnoxious classmate instead of him. She venomously informs him that he actually broke up with her because she was too prudish, an abrupt, cruel bit of business we actually witness at the film’s beginning. It was in her moment of heartbroken vulnerability that she agreed to quickly sleep with someone else (“It wasn’t rape because I technically said, ‘Okay,’ but it wasn’t far off,” she sneers), which ultimately put her off sex until after college. Rob doesn’t hear this explanation or the damning portrait of his teenaged self. Instead, he’s delighted to learn that he wasn’t actually dumped.

These are evidently low character moments, one’s that are comedic in their depiction of blinkeredness but whose emotional takeaways are crystal clear, and one’s that have been written about before. My personal pick from the film, though, comes late when Rob attends Laura’s father’s funeral. He sits in the back and, in typical fashion, turns to the camera to deliver a list of songs to play at his funeral, concluding with his professed wish that “some beautiful, tearful woman would insist on ‘You’re The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me’ by Gladys Knight.” It’s a really galling, egotistical moment that still makes me wince despite having seen the movie umpteen times. Yet, it’s immediately followed by the casket being lowered to the ground as Laura’s sobs ring out in the church. In a movie defined by John Cusack’s vocal timbre, it’s one of the few times when he completely shuts up. From two-thirds down the center aisle, Frears’ camera pushes into Cusack’s face until tears in his eyes are visible, but what you really see is an appropriately guilt-ridden, ashamed expression.

However, none of this evidence carries any weight if your objection to High Fidelity is that Rob suffers no material consequences for his behavior. While Rob is frequently called out for his actions, he is never actively punished. He doesn’t, say, receive a restraining order for continually calling Laura after they’ve broken up or end up alone mending a permanent broken heart because of his past relationships. By the end, Rob and Laura get back together and Rob even starts an independent record label on the side. It’s a stretch to characterize Hornby’s High Fidelity as a redemption tale, but it is a sideways rehabilitation narrative with a happy ending that arises at least partly out of mutual exhaustion.

Those two elements—Rob’s asshole recovery and the exhausted happy ending—rarely seem to factor into High Fidelity discourse. Granted, there’s credence to the idea that, socially and culturally, people have less patience for the personality types depicted in High Fidelity, and thus are less inclined to extend them forgiveness, let alone anything resembling retribution. I suppose that’s a valid reaction, one against which I have no interest in arguing, but it’s somewhat ironic that High Fidelity has endured for reasons that have nothing to do with its conclusions regarding inflexible personal principles and the folly of escapism. Both the book and film are specifically about someone who slowly comes to terms with accepting reality rather than live in a world mediated by pop cultural fantasies whose unrealistic expectations have only caused personal suffering. It’s not unfair to characterize this as a fairly obvious epiphany, but considering we currently live in a world dominated by virtual echo chambers with an entertainment culture committed to validating arrested adolescence, it retroactively counts as “mature” and holds more weight than it otherwise should.

Near the end of High Fidelity, the book, after Rob and Laura have gotten back together in the aftermath of Laura’s father’s death, Hornby includes a chapter featuring five conversations between the couple unpacking the state of their relationship. During the third conversation, Rob and Laura fight about how she doesn’t care about music as strongly as he does, catalyzed by Rob’s objection to Laura liking both Solomon Burke and Art Garfunkel, which, in his mind, is a contradiction in terms. Laura finally admits that not only does she not really care about the difference between them, but that most people outside of his immediate circle of two don’t care about the difference, and that this mentality is indicative of a larger problem. It’s part of what keeps him stuck in his head and reluctant to commit to anything. “I’m just trying to wake you up,” she says. “I'm just trying to show you that you've lived half your life, but for all you've got to show for it you might as well be nineteen, and I'm not talking about money or property or furniture.”

I fell for High Fidelity (first the movie, then the book) as a younger man for the reasons I assume most sensitive-cum-oblivious, culturally preoccupied straight guys do: it accurately pinpoints a pattern of music consumption and organizationally anal-retentive behavior with which I’m intimately familiar. I spent the vast majority of my early years listening to and cataloguing albums, and when I arrived at college, I quickly fell in with a small group of like-minded music obsessives. We had very serious, very prolonged discussions filled with impossibly strong opinions about our favorite artists and records. Few new releases came and went without them being scrutinized by us, the unappreciated scholars of all that is righteous. List-making wasn’t in vogue, but there wasn’t a song that passed us by that we didn’t judge or size up. I was exposed to more music during this relatively short period of time than I likely will ever absorb again. Some of these times were the most engaging and fun of my life, and I still enjoy discussing and sharing music with close friends, but I’m not such a true believer to fully feel comfortable with this behavior. It’s not entirely healthy on its own and definitely alienating to others, and there comes a point when you hear yourself the way a stranger might, or maybe even catch a glimpse of someone’s eyes when you’re midst rant about some stupid album, and realize, “That’s all there is of me. There isn’t anything else.”

This is what Rob proclaims to Laura in the conversation when she tells him she was more interested in music during their courtship than she is now. It’s a patently self-pitying statement on his part that doesn’t go unchallenged by her in the moment or bear fruit in the rest of the novel. Yet, it’s this type of uncomfortably relatable sentiment that goes under-discussed. If High Fidelity will continue to have a life well after its cultural moment has passed, then it’s worth addressing what it offers on its own terms. Near the end of the book, Laura introduces Rob to another couple with whom he gets along quite well. When the evening comes to an end, she tells him to take a look at their record collection, and it’s predictably filled with artists he doesn’t care for, e.g. Billy Joel, Simply Red, Meat Loaf. “'Everybody's faith needs testing from time to time,” Laura tells him later when they’re alone. Amidst Rob’s self-loathing and sullen pettiness, Hornby argues that one should contribute in some way rather than only consume and that, at some point, it’s time to put away childish ideas in order to get the most out of life. It’s an entirely untrendy argument, one that goes against the nostalgic spirit of superhero films and reboot culture, but it doesn’t lack merit. Accepting that some values aren’t conducive to a full life, especially when it’s shared with someone else, doesn’t have to mean abandoning interests or becoming an entirely different person. It just means that letting go isn’t an admission of defeat.

It’s why I’ve always found the proposal scene in the film to be quite moving, albeit maybe not specifically romantic. It plays out similarly in both the book and the film, but the film has the added benefit of Cusack and Hjejle’s performances to amplify the vulnerability and shared understanding. Laura meets Rob for a drink in the afternoon where he sheepishly asks if she would like to get married. Laura bursts out laughing and says that he isn’t the safest bet considering he was making mixtapes for some reporter a few days prior. When asked what brought this on, Rob notes that he’s sick of thinking about love and settling down and marriage and wants to think about something else. (“I changed my mind. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I do. I will,” she sarcastically replies.) He goes on to say that he’s tired of fantasizing about other women because the fantasies have nothing to do with them and everything to do with himself and that it doesn’t exist never mind delivering on its promise. “I’m tired of it,” he says, “and I’m tired of everything else for that matter, but I don’t ever seem to get tired of you.”

This sort of anti-Jerry Maguire line would be callous if Laura didn’t basically say the same thing to him when they got back together. (“I’m too tired not to be with you.”) It’s possible to read this as an act of mutual settling, but I always thought Hornby’s point was personal growth and accepting one’s situation were intertwined. The key moment in High Fidelity, the film, comes when Laura finds Rob’s list of top five dream jobs. (In the book, Laura makes Rob compile the list.) At the bottom of the list, after such standard choices like music journalist and record producer, lies architect, a job that Rob isn’t entirely sure about anyway. (“I did put it at number five!” he insists.) Laura asks Rob the obvious question: wouldn’t you rather own your own record store than hypothetically be an architect, a job you’re not particularly enthused with anyway?

It’s Laura who convinces Rob that living the fifth-best version of your life can actually be pretty satisfying and doesn’t have to be treated like a cruel fate worse than death. Similarly, Rob and Laura both make the active decision to try to work things out instead of starting over with someone else. Laura’s apathy may have reunited them, and Rob’s apathy might have kept him from running, but it’s their shared history that keeps them together. More than the music and the romance, High Fidelity follows the necessary decisions and compromises one has to maneuver in order to grow instead of regress. “I've been letting the weather and my stomach muscles and a great chord change in a Pretenders single make up my mind for me, and I want to do it for myself,” Rob says near the end of Hornby’s novel. High Fidelity’s emotional potency lies in taking that sentiment seriously.

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skvaderarts · 4 years

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Apocrypha Chapter Twenty Nine: Antithesis

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Twenty Nine: Antithesis

Note: I LOVE the comments everyone left on the last two chapters! It's so rewarding! I'll be building my first ever PC today. Wish me luck!

(-~-)

The room fell silent as mist blanketed the surrounding city. So far, the early morning hours had been filled with a thick blanket of fog, and rain was expected before noon. Thankfully, everyone was inside, even if they were not all under the same roof. As soon as the train had arrived, Dante and Vergil had gone to meet the others, insisting that Nero stay behind both for his own safety and for V’s. They had no way of knowing whether or not the cult had managed to track them down, and while they were relatively sure that they had taken care of them once and for all, Vergil was, as always, not optimistic.

Nero had stayed behind as requested, begrudgingly accepting the fact that they were right about what was going on. As much as he wanted to help protect his family and friends, V was a sitting duck so long as he was asleep in Magnolia’s guest room, and there was absolutely no way he was going anywhere in the state that he was currently in. Despite the fact that his injuries had been sufficiently patched, and the bleeding had stopped, there was still no way that he was going to simply walk out of her house and possibly into the line of fire again.

In a rare moment of benevolence, the universe decided not to test them any further, at least for one day. The train had pulled into the station with very little fanfare, and they had managed to make sure that everyone made it home safely. Much to the surprise of Kyrie and Nico, Magnolia insisted that they all stay until the next day to minimize the chances of any stragglers following them home. Needless to say that the living room had been very full for a few short hours.

Under the cover of darkness, Nero and the others had gone their separate ways, Lady taking it upon herself to make sure that Patty made it home safely. And with everyone out of town and ample time to sit and wait for V to recover (Magnolia insisted that V stay at her home until she deemed him ready to leave this time), Dante had taken the opportunity to travel back to the cult’s stomping grounds to try and find out what had become of Trish. Griffon had returned an absolute mess, stating that he’d shown Trish the way through the forest and that she’d decided to stay behind and investigate. As sure as Dante was that his longtime friend didn’t need his help, he was also sure that a little while alone with his injured son wasn’t going to do Vergil any harm. He needed to see for himself what had happened in that place, and he needed to take a better look at this “conduit” that everyone kept going on about. If an Arcana was involved, then it couldn’t hurt to have more information to share with the rightful keepers of the blade when the time came.

And so they’d gone their separate ways, trying to utilize the calm before the storm as best as they could.

Two days had passed since that decision.

As residual condensation ran down the windows and onto the ledge below, Vergil glanced over at V. He’d spent the better part of three days asleep, more than likely drained from his injuries. And although Magnolia had confirmed that he wasn’t in any form of coma, Vergil had decided that the best course of action had been to stay behind and at his side, trying not to seem as eager for him to awaken as he actually was. As much as the Darkslayer didn’t want to admit it, he was slightly concerned as to why V had yet to awaken from his extended slumber. While passing out after the residual energy that came with triggering for the first time wore off was far from unheard of, sleeping for three days straight was simply insane.

Was that some sort of gauge of his newfound strength? Did his body require that sort of time to reset and properly acclimate to such a drastic change in his biology? It didn’t seem unlikely, but it also didn’t make Vergil any less stir crazy. At the end of the day, he needed to be sure that his oldest son was actually going to be okay, and this wasn’t helping in any way, shape, or form.

“You do know that hovering over him isn’t going to make him wake up any quicker, don’t you?” Magnolia said quietly as she inched into the room, a sympathetic look on her face. The botanist didn’t know what she expected to see when she entered the room, but a part of her had hoped that there had been some change to her young patient's condition.

Vergil glanced over at her wordlessly, not at all surprised to see her again. She’d been checking in on V every hour or so for the better part of the morning, quietly worrying over him like a worried mother. From what he could tell, nothing seemed to be wrong with V other than the fact that he had yet to awaken from his prolonged and worry inducing slumber. Magnolia had checked basic things such as his temperature and heart rate several times, noting no change in his physical state. And if his demeanor and rather peaceful appearance were anything to go by, the young summoner wasn’t suffering in any way, shape, or form. He was simply taking the longest nap ever.

“I might have come to that conclusion by now, yes.” Vergil said as he reclined slightly, the back of the chair he was sitting in touching the wall nearest to the window. It came to rest in a slightly odd position, but not one that either of them paid any mind to.

“What I mean is… aren’t you tired?” Magnolia said as she came around the side of the bed to run her usual tests, a slightly worried tone tenting her normally melodic voice.” I don’t think I’ve seen you sleep since you arrived.”

The Darkslayer folded his arms across his chest loosely, more defensive than upset in any regard. “I have no interest in sleeping.”

“Neither do children, but they still require it, Vergil.” She said flatly as she recorded her results. There was still no notable change in his state. And from what she could tell, his vitals were just as they had been for the last day or so. V was simply depleted, and there was no changing that for the time being. Still, Magnolia found herself wishing that there was something more she could do to help. Seeing someone so young in such a state genuinely hurt her soul, bringing her back to unpleasant memories from her own past. The last time she’d seen her parents, they had been in a similar state. Only they were much older and had accomplished considerably more in the time that had been allotted to them. No one so young should have to suffer so egregiously.

Vergil closed his eyes, taking in her statement with a slight amount of salt. While he understood the validity of her statement, that still didn’t change his stance on the matter. And he didn’t care how irrational that seemed to anyone else involved. “Don’t you have a shop to attend to?”

“It’s the weekend. And even if it wasn’t, I would be for this.” Magnolia said with an offhanded gesture towards V as she recorded the last of her results in a composition notebook that she kept on the bedside table. It wasn’t exactly a patient spreadsheet, but then this wasn’t exactly a hospital, so it was the best she could do in the interim.” I have more important things to attend to at the moment.”

For a moment, Vergil quietly wondered to himself if his longtime associate could actually afford closing her shop for the conceivable future. While he knew that her lineage was one of substantial pedigree and, as such, had amassed substantial wealth in the many generations since they’d been established, Magnolia had never been the sort to accept monetary assistance from others, even her own family. Much like him, she equated the concept of owing another entity financially to them possessing ownership over her. And much like him, she found that idea utterly revolting. She would much rather strike out of her own accord, and deal with the undesired backlash of her actions herself. That had been what firmly differentiated her from the rest of her family as far as he was concerned.

The Ludwicks were a family. A coven.

Magnolia was an individual.

And no one was going to take that hard earned independence from her without one hell of a fight.

“You kept your word, I see.” Vergil said quietly, his eyes traveling back to his unconscious son as Magnolia gave him a questioning look.” You said you had no intention of abiding by the traditions set forth by your ancestors, and here you are. Was it worth it?”

A look of realization crossed Magnolia’s face as she finally comprehended what Vergil was going on about. As the oldest daughter of her family, she was the de facto leader of her family’s coven, and leader of the Ludwick shaman. It had been her duty to uphold her sect’s traditions and practices, but she had no interest in doing so. Her heart and mind belonged to other less… questionable practices. And as such, she had chosen to go against them by not participating in them. Instead, she had chosen a quiet life filled with interests that the rest of her bloodline would probably consider incredibly mundane, only occasionally straying into adventure and conquest. And when her parents had died and she’d told the rest of her family that she planned to do so, Vergil, unlike everyone else she knew, had believed her. And then he had simply vanished, only to return over twenty years later with a favor to ask.

There was no proper way to express what that had meant to her at such a difficult time in her young life.

“I have to say, it most certainly was.” Magnolia said quietly as she sat down on the windowsill, taking her hair down and allowing it to flow freely.” It cost me the loyalty of most of my family, but if that was all it took, then perhaps I didn’t have it to begin with. And besides, I’m not alone in the end after all. That being said, I do with that my sisters would simply kiss and make up already. They are being quite childish.”

Vergil smirked in response to her answer for a brief moment, the irony of that statement not lost on him in the slightest. He was self aware enough to be able to see some of his own life issues reflected in her life, and pity her suffering regardless of her desire for him to do so. It was a shame that her family had never seen her brilliance, and an even bigger one that her nearly equally bright younger siblings had fallen short in the same regard.

“It seems that my confidence in Willow and Aluta has been misplaced.” Vergil said, barely concealing his scathing sarcasm. The two younger girls had been hell on earth for him during his brief time spent with them in his youth. As far as he was concerned, saying that Magnolia was the smart one wasn’t as much an opinion as it was a concrete fact. While the other two girls were far from dull, they weren't exactly on their older sister’s level, either. Not even close.” And I will never understand your family’s obsession with botanically themed names. It’s just so… asinine.”

The plucky botanist shook her head, snickering quietly to herself. “ I never took you for much of a liar, Son of Sparda. You never had any faith in them to start with! I know it, you know it, everyone including them should know it by this point.” She said almost playfully, thankful for the reprieve from the lingering tension that blanketed the room.” As for the naming conventions... well I could say the same about your family! You’ve exhausted nearly all the good Latin names already, and you're only about three generations in! It’s about longevity, my dear. To pick a theme and run it into the ground, you must be dedicated, Vergil. It’s an art form.”

He shook his head, admittedly somewhat amused by Magnolia’s statement. This was why he could talk to her and not her sisters. The botanist was genuinely clever, her wit leagues above the vast majority of beings he’d spoken with during his lifetime. But regardless, he wasn’t going down without a fight. “Latin in a primordial language, one that your family’s obsession with flora and fauna owes a terrible debt to, Magnolia. We’ve yet to even scratch the surface.”

She shook her head playfully, sparing a glance at V. “Oh, I’m sure. That being said, I’m starting to get the impression that the eldest of your offspring must despise whatever dreadful name you’ve no doubt forced upon him. I’ve never once heard any of you call him by it. Do you even know what it is?”

Vergil’s gaze narrowed, his eyes roaming between Magnolia and V. A fair question, to be sure. And one he had walked himself into like the fool that he was. But not one that he felt like giving a meaningful answer to. “... I’m waiting for the proper moment to expose him in the most unexpected way possible. I only get to do it one, after all.” He paused for a moment, his voice quieting slightly as the humor he’d possessed left him.” As for his motivation for introducing himself in the way that he does… I suspect he has other reasons. Perhaps reasons that are too personal to speculate on, even for me.”

Magnolia nodded, understanding how to take a hint and when to drop a subject before things took a turn for the worst. Their families were complicated. There was no reason to make things any worse than they already were. “Speaking of speculation, I have some I’d like to share about your son.” She stood up and made her way over towards V, the young summoner still fast asleep.” I have reason to believe that he’s still recovering, though not in the way that you might expect. He healed two days ago. Physically at least. The only reason I’ve bothered to keep his bandages in place was to apply pressure to his bruises in the hope that they’d heal faster. But aside from that, he’s not physically impaired to any meaningful degree. I have reason to believe that he does in fact benefit from a heightened healing factor, though only when he’s asleep.”

Her observation gained her a slightly baffled look from Vergil. Although that didn’t make much sense to him, he wasn’t going to discount it. But the entire concept seemed somewhat counterproductive to him.” Do you have any idea why that might be?”

She nodded, flipping through her composition notebook.” As a matter of fact, I do. It’s because of V’s nonexistent energy levels. I was not made aware until just recently that he’s got a, how should I put this, weak constitution. I assumed that he was simply experiencing a weak spell as a result of his recent return. No, according to him he’s always been like this. And I believe that is why his latent abilities are so segmented and slow to activate. His body is using his standard power to keep him stable, acting as a sort of crutch to his immune system. But once asleep, his abilities no longer need to stretch themselves so thin and he recovers. It all makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?”

Vergil nodded to himself slowly, considering her statement.” ... That would help make sense of his current condition as well. It is not so much a question of whether or not he is capable of triggering, but a question of if he can physically handle it when he does so.

She snapped her fingers, signaling that he’d gotten the gist of her statement.“ Tell me Vergil, being a hybrid yourself, do you believe it possible to actually be so powerful that your body simply cannot sustain its own ambient energy? That it is possible to be too powerful for your own good?”

He sighed begrudgingly, not at all keen on the implications of that statement. He’d spent a lifetime working towards becoming more powerful, throwing away everything that wasn’t taken away from him in his endless pursuit of power. And in the ultimate act of irony, he had helped conceive a being that was the very antithesis of himself. A hybrid so powerful that their body was actually harmed by their own powers to an extent. How much more ironic could things possibly be?

“And yet he displays very little of the power that you speak of.” Vergil ws unsure of what to think about such an observation, despite the fact that it made sense when contrasted to some of the things he’d seen involving V. But perhaps the implications were simply too troubling to consider. Could V be cursed with the very thing that he actively desired? Was that even a curse? Was there such a thing as too much power when it came to demonic abilities? Truly, he was at a crossroads with this revelation.

“Maybe that’s by design. Maybe something happened to him once. Something so traumatic that he’s repressed it and his abilities along with it.” Magnolia shrugged, unsure of what more she could say on the subject. “You must remember that your sons are not quite like you and your brother. They are more human. That imbalance had so come with tradeoffs. And while they seem to be good, I can only assume that some of them are not. You and I both understand the costs of such power. Take my clan and our abilities for example. And if that is not sufficient, look to your own bloodline, Vergil. It is a possibility to consider. Sometimes power doesn’t make sense. It’s dubious and it comes from a variety of sources. At times you can hold it in your hand. Other times it is something you feel in your heart. You don’t have to believe it to be true.”

On that concept, they agreed, even if it was for different reasons. Vergil would have to consider the options provided to him, but his longtime friend’s observations made a lot of sense to him. But until V woke up, they had no way of knowing for sure. And that fact alone was enough to cause Vergil a new level of dismay that he didn’t know he possessed. The idea that the very thing he'd devoted so much of his life to might be the very thing that V desired and benefited from the least was almost unreal to him. And as soon as his son woke up, he intended to try and find out.

They needed to go to that island that Dante had spoken of.

And they needed to meet the Guardians of the Arcana.

(-~-) This chapter has been very interesting. And I already have the coolest idea for next week’s chapter. Gotta get as much writing done as possible before the holidays arrive, right? I hope this chapter sparks some interesting but civil conversation in the comments section, and I hope to see you for chapter thirty. I have some very special stuff planned for the 30th chapter of this fic and the 50th chapter in this series. That’s just an unreal number lol! What I wouldn’t do to have a physical copy of this fic!

#Apocrypha #Vergil #V #Magnolia Ludwick #Vergil and Magnolia #DMCV #DMC5 #DMC #Devil May Cry 5 #Devil May Cry V #Post Devil May Cry 5

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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I was watching the ep where they got Cas back after Lucifer stabbed him and I couldn't help but think "dang, it's a shame all this is still subtext." And then it dawned on me that it's not subtext. That if Cas were a woman, there'd be no doubt that her coming back was the pivotal moment for Dean that season. But they didn't outright confirm it because they don't think they had to. It's not subtext just because they don't spell it out. But we're conditioned to think that way with same sex ships.

hrrrrmmmmm... see I waffle back and forth between feeling like this is a postulation that could be useful for people who claim they don’t see it, and feeling like I need to douse myself with purell for even having to consider it, you know?

I tend to file this information under “things that make me slightly uncomfortable while also being a useful tool for people who are open-minded but just might need a little nudge into understanding what being bisexual feels like sometimes...”

I mean, dig back through my pages of posts in my “casual viewer stories with mr mittens” tag and somewhere there’s a post from like s9 (it was years ago) where he said “if Cas had been in a female vessel, he and Dean would’ve been married by now.” And somewhere else where he said, “too bad Dean’s straight.” And just... when he said these things (out of the blue, randomly) I’d been so caught off guard I kinda just blinked and stared at him like... who said Dean’s straight? but unfortunately didn’t actually say it out loud.

I was just... so dang flummoxed that anyone could look at Dean and not think he was a repressed, closeted bi. But then I remember straight people exist, and I’m married to one, and realize that yes, this CAN be a helpful tool to explain the dynamic we see constantly between Dean and Cas.

Because bisexual people exist. *waves hello* And sometimes bisexual people NEVER jump out of the closet. Sometimes we just think it’s easier to stick to what’s more socially acceptable (especially for someone like Dean who lived most of his life on the road with no attachments... strange small town where he’ll be for a few days at a time? Usually easier to draw less attention to himself by hooking up with a woman than DOUBLY putting himself at risk when he’s trying to maintain a cover id for a case and not getting himself run out of town for hitting on the wrong dude...). Not to mention the generation Dean was raised in, the lifestyle he has led (hunting seemed to be SUPER heavy on the dudebro types until their more recent reintroduction to the community through Jody’s hunder connections, the Witch Twins, etc.), and the transience of his life for years and years, believing he would never be able to actually HAVE any sort of long-term relationship at all. For a one-night stand? Sometimes it’s easier to play straight, especially in a lot of the sorts of towns we’ve seen them visit on the show (yes it’s 2019 and people need to wake up to the fact that bisexuality is real, but hooooooboy there’s still a lot of homophobia out there, and I get it).

SO! All that said... yeah, if someone REALLY just doesn’t understand where we’re seeing all this destiel subtext (and text tbh), then asking that simple question and inviting them to ponder the ENTIRE series again under that What If scenario... well, if that person STILL thinks Dean and Cas would just be pals, then I don’t think there’s any hope for them at all.

If their ONLY objection remains, “Well, but Cas is STILL in a dudesuit, and Dean is STILL straight, so...”, then I invite them to remember that bisexuality is a real thing, and that some bisexual people NEVER actually come out of the closet (which is TOTALLY FINE and A PERSONAL CHOICE and it’s always best to do what’s safest and most comfortable for yourself), and some only admit it to themselves later in life when they DO feel safe and comfortable enough to settle down that way... or until they discover they’ve fallen in love with their best friend and to their eternal wonder they discover their friend has also fallen in love with them...

Sometimes that’s just how things happen.

But I like to tell people to consider this bearing in mind that from the pilot episode, I completely identified with Dean Winchester... as someone who only came out as bi later in life, because when I was a teenager, literally did not even understand that was a thing someone could be. I was just really, REALLY confused for a long time. (and I’m five years older than Dean, and can completely understand the isolated way he was raised, his entire life one giant ball of intensely managed secrecy, that it’s absolutely something he would’ve believed best kept well squashed down and buried right alongside his memory of his mother and his own self-worth).

But just ponder for a moment, if Cas had always been in a female-presenting vessel-- which we have seen him in TWICE now (Claire Novak and the woman he possessed in the flashback scenes in 12.10)-- would he still have used male pronouns? Because he always did use male pronouns, independent of having a male-presenting vessel. (and yes, this opens a whole other can of worms which I already made one long post about: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/174088047410/do-you-think-at-this-point-in-time-cas-thinks-of )

And all things considered, there was STILL the barrier Dean felt between them, clearly illustrated by his “last night on Earth” with Anna. It wasn’t her GENDER that kept him from being with her, but one she was an angel again... she pretty much instantly shut him down. She was also the one who explained to him what angels feel versus what humans feel, specifically listing the experience of sex as one of the reasons she chose the painful act of tearing out her grace, specifically to become human in order to feel that. So... what has Dean been left with regarding Cas’s OWN feelings about human intimacy in general?

Even after 5.03, when a female-presenting person was willing to have sex with him, Cas... didn’t even REMOTELY get it. In fact, he didn’t get it until he WAS human (which... 9.03 is its own horrific can of worms here, but this was the first time Dean realized that Cas MIGHT in some way at ALL be interested in human intimacy). And then almost as soon as he became human, Dean was forced to make the horrific choice (let Sam die on the spot, or kick Cas out). He gets ONE CHANCE to even SEE Cas during this time, and it’s a situation where Cas nearly DIES, bringing on a ton of guilt and making Dean feel like he made the right decision keeping Cas out of all the supernatural nonsense for his own safety. *cue rending of garments and gnashing of teeth*

And then the next time he sees Cas, Cas... isn’t human anymore... and Dean’s... resigned to that fact.

It’s always SOMETHING standing between them, you know? It’s not JUST the apparent physical gender of Cas’s vessel. But if playing a round of “what if” helps folks jump that hurdle for themselves, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as the conclusion they draw isn’t “well then that’s the eternal barrier standing between them and we can’t do anything about that,” then refer them back to the above essay on bisexual people repressing the hell out of that until they feel safe enough or comfortable enough or just have REASON enough to step out of the closet. Okay. I guess that’s enough for that. :P

#dean winchester is bilingual #destiel #the scheherazade of supernatural #spn 13.05 #spn 13.06 #spn 13.03 #spn 13.01 #spn 12.10 #spn 4.20 #spn 5.03 #spn 4.10 #spn 5.13 #angels and souls #on the nature of angel grace #spn 9.03 #castiel winchester #you learned it from the goats #Anonymous

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verycleverboy · 4 years

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Here’s another one you’re not gonna read...

(...because it’s excruciatingly long, not because it isn’t necessary.)

One of my most faithful followers (unless I’m confusing him with someone else, because what little blowback I get from the other side of the street tends to bleed together these days) checked in about a different post I made for this story, which I entitled (checks notes) ”Geriatric toddler threatens to dismiss a branch of the government during a national emergency unless he gets the toys that he wants”:

First of all, hope you’re doing well in the current situation, and thank you for your thoughtful analysis of the first two words of a joke headline.

The Washington Post article that joke was attached to goes into the president’s threat last week to dismiss Congress under the never-used Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution, with the goal of making recess appointments that bypassed the hearings that have tripped up several high-profile nominees.

Like a lot of things that literally every other POTUS before the current one never attempted, there’s a pretty spirited debate as to what conditions would have to be fulfilled for Trump to successfully pull this maneuver off, assuming it’s not all bluster and no muster. One major condition that would have to exist is that the Senate and the House would have to be in disagreement on adjournment, and according to the National Law Journal, there is no disagreement between the chambers at the moment. The current session officially adjourns on January 3, 2021. So until circumstances prove otherwise, we have to operate under the assumption that he can, in fact, exercise this extraordinary Constitutional power...under a narrow set of conditions which don’t exist right now.

The reason he’s making this threat, and why his supplemental threat to “take it to the courts” is toothless, is that the last man in his current position tried to make a recess appointment between the type of pro forma sessions we’re dealing with now and was shot down by a unanimous Supreme Court decision, one which reaffirmed that Congress is done when Congress says it’s done.

But one justice went a little bit further in his concurring opinion, issuing a warning about any court decision that “transforms the recess-appointment power from a tool carefully designed to fill a narrow and specific need into a weapon to be wielded by future presidents against future Senates.”

“The Recess Appointments Clause therefore is, or rather, should be, an anachronism—’essentially an historic relic, something whose original purpose has disappeared,’” the justice wrote. “The need it was designed to fill no longer exists, and its only remaining use is the ignoble one of enabling the president to circumvent the Senate’s role in the appointment process.”

Antonin Scalia, ladies and gentlemen.

Here’s where things get interesting, though, because the statement that came from Mitch McConnell’s office, at least if you squint hard enough, signals “I feel ya, bro, but focus.”: “The Leader pledged to find ways to confirm nominees considered mission-critical to the COVID-19 pandemic, but under Senate rules will take consent from Leader Schumer.”

Which brings us back to our article up there...

What qualifies as “mission-critical to the COVID-19 pandemic”? There are a few nominees that are cooling their heels at the moment, but for the Voice of America (and yes, now is when we finally get to the linked article), one of them strikes pretty close to home.

U.S. President Donald Trump is threatening to adjourn Congress because lawmakers have not approved his candidates for senior posts in his administration, including his nominee to run the independent agency overseeing the Voice of America.[...]

Documentary filmmaker Michael Pack, whom Trump has selected to run the U.S. Agency for Global Media, is one of 15 key nominees awaiting confirmation by the Senate. Trump cited Pack by name (but erroneously identified the body he would head as USAGM’s predecessor agency, the Broadcasting Board of Governors).

Michael Pack is a self-described conservative documentary filmmaker, one who has done work with Trump’s ex-chief strategist Steve Bannon. And there’s a pretty damn good reason why the confirmation committee pumped the brakes on his nomination (per CNBC).:

The “problematic revelations” that Menendez says he discovered just before Pack’s confirmation hearing in 2019 include “whether Mr. Pack engaged in inappropriate or unlawful activity related to transactions between his business (Manifold Productions) and his non-profit (Public Media Lab)” and “whether Mr. Pack engaged in self-dealing while in a leadership position at the Claremont Institute through the awarding of a contract to Manifold” even though that company doesn’t appear to have any qualifications to act as a vendor to the conservative think tank.

The letter to Meadows also sheds light on another aspect of Pack’s confirmation, which is that the Democratic committee leader has asked Pack to provide documents and answers to a variety of questions that could clear up these issues, only for Trump’s nominee to respond in a “perfunctory and inadequate” way.

“More than seven months have gone by since my initial questions. Mr. Pack has yet to provide the Committee with the requested information or to engage in a good-faith and serious effort to do so,” Menendez said.

So when confronted with his unethical, possibly illegal wrongdoing, Pack stonewalled, the way all this president’s men do. Sounds like a great guy to trust with public funds.

But seriously, why is this “mission critical to the COVID-19 pandemic”?

Back to VOA:

Pack’s nomination has “been stuck in committee for two years, preventing us from managing the Voice of America — very important,” the president said. “And if you heard what’s coming out of the Voice of America, it’s disgusting. The things they say are disgusting toward our country. And Michael Pack would get in and do a great job, but he’s been waiting for two years — can’t get him approved.”

Disgusting, you say? Let’s settle into that accusation for a hot minute.

Here’s the deal about the VOA: It went on the air on February 9, 1942, a little over two months after America found itself pulled into a global conflict of a massive scale with the actual, non-metaphorical Nazi government which had steamrolled over the European continent. That first broadcast came from a small studio in New York City, directed at an aggressor nation which had developed a robust system of delivering misinformation to its enemies.

So how do you combat lies? Double down on honesty.

youtube

“This is a voice speaking from America, a voice from America at war. Our voices are coming to you from New York, across the Atlantic Ocean to London, from where they are relayed to you in Germany. Today, America has been at war for 79 days. Daily at this time, we shall speak to you about America and the war. The news may be good or bad. We shall tell you the truth.“

“The news may be good or bad. We shall tell you the truth.” I’ve never been a journalist, but the first time I read those words I was thunderstruck. In the simplest language possible, there’s the Platonic ideal of what news reporting is supposed to be. It also sets a high bar for how the United States presents itself to the world. We could argue all day on how many American organizations live up to those words, how many American administrations live up to those words, or if any configuration of the American government is equipped to be honest and forthright in every imaginable situation. But that’s the resolution, the goal for all the world to see.

So what is the “disgusting” VOA coverage that President Trump is complaining about? If we look at some recent headlines, we might get a hint.:

US Nowhere Near Ready for Business as Usual, Former CDC Head Says

Fauci: US Economy Won’t Recover Until Coronavirus Controlled

WHO Chief: Worst on Coronavirus Pandemic Yet to Come

WHO Fears US Funding Cuts Will Roll Back Health Gains in Africa

If you actually read these, they’re nothing more than articles recounting expert assessments of the potential consequences of federal actions (or, just as often, inactions) connected to our coronavirus response. Addressing these things in the public square is usually meant to be a corrective, especially when your chief executive pays more attention to the media than his own advisors, and that a broadcast outlet funded by the US government isn’t afraid to publicize criticism of government decisions gives our entire system a much-needed shot of credibility.

But Trump has never been able to take even constructive criticism as anything other than a personal insult, an attitude which he magnifies by using the power of the highest office in the country to scream “FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!” at the top of his lungs whenever he sees or hears something that hurts his feelings.

The only conclusion I can draw is that he wants the Voice of America to be more like the Voice of Korea, and the “mission critical” part of this gambit is that the VOA’s editorial independence distracts and confuses him. Do I seriously think the beacon of the Cold War era, the organization whose current director proudly proclaims “We export the First Amendment,” is going to be converted into a shoddy simulation of the old Eastern bloc broadcasters? Of course not. Would I put it past the current chief executive to at least try, destroying the VOA’s credibility to redesign it into yet another monument to himself? Not a shadow of a doubt.

“The news may be good or bad. We shall tell you the truth.” It’s a core element of America’s self-image, and the image we project to friends and foes alike. And the 45th President of the United States thinks that’s disgusting.

Because he doesn’t want the truth. He wants to be soothed and coddled. He wants a cookie and a story before bedtime. You know, like a toddler.

(PS: For the record, the “very clever boy” in this account’s original title was always intended to be Donald Trump, because, as you probably figured out a long time ago, I don’t view him as very clever, nor has he been a boy for quite some time. I changed the official name of the blog to Trump Happens because some people don’t get sarcasm.)

#constitution #Donald Trump #long reads #COVID-19 #coronavirus #voice of america #VOA

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lady-of-lyon · 5 years

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Why I Love Steven Universe the Movie - There Are Spoilers

I saw the Steven Universe movie the day after it came out, on the Cartoon Network app. Immediately after watching it, the first thought I had was, “well, that happened.” It seemed a bit bizarre and empty to me at the time, but after a few weeks of ruminating, it slowly began to connect with me more and more.

I get why people don’t like this movie. There are a lot of things I don’t like about it too. The whole journey with the main characters rediscovering what they had already learned in the show was to me uninteresting and unfulfilling. Amnesia is a tricky plot device because it’s an easy cop out, and it’s often used as nothing other than that especially in this movie, where the characters don’t grow or learn, they just fall back to square one and regrow, which creates an illusion of character development that doesn’t really develop anything. The best this movie does with this concept is with Pearl, by clarifying that it wasn’t Rose who gave her her independence but independence itself, but amnesia wasn’t really necessary to make this statement, and other than that what’s learned leaves no impact. Even Steven’s journey is a retread, and he doesn’t have an excuse, because he doesn’t have amnesia. Cool things can be done with amnesia, the movie Memento for one is a prime example, and I also like to direct you to the Criminal Minds season 3 episode Tabula Rasa, but Steven Universe does not do such things.

A lot of the songs in the movie were also sub-par. Let Us Adore You (especially the reprise), Other Friends and Drift Away stick with you, and system/BOOT. PearlFinal (3).Info is cute, but other than that the songs do what their more memorable colleague mentions - they drift away. Yes, burn me at the stake, I did not care for True Kinda Love. To start with it’s not really my kind of music, and it especially rubbed me the wrong way when its chill elevator jams were chosen to accompany the most desperate and dramatic scene in the movie. The pacing is also messed up; little time is spent showing what Steven’s happily ever after actually looks like, so it feels rushed and low-stakes when Spinel comes in to destroy it. I was also personally a bit miffed when Spinel was briefly reverted to being evil just over a bad word choice on Steven’s part, even after the beautiful garden scene.

And of course, the elephant in the room, the treatment of Pink Diamond, with her splitting the fanbase on whether she’s irredeemable or whether the movie unfairly makes her seem so without playing devil’s advocate and acknowledging the abuse that we learned from the series she was taking and how that effected her actions. I won’t dip my toes too deep in that, but I agree with the fanbase that it could’ve been dealt with better.

Wow, it sounds like I really don’t like this movie, huh? And to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have, if it weren’t for Spinel.

From parent’s day out on to today, I’ve always gone to small schools. My graduating highschool class had nine people in it, who were all very different in terms of personality and personal goals, and the same can be said of all my other classes. Small schools love to talk about how great small schools are, and how it builds such a strong community, and how the students become family, but it isn’t true. Instead the result was a group of people who were friendly with one another not because they were actually friends, but because they had no other choice, because these were the only people that were around them. You weren’t ever able to find someone who you can really connect with, and even when you kinda did, despite how much you hugged and hung out and ate lunch together, there was always this sense that it was out of necessity, that you were only friends because no one else had even the slightest hint of being compatible. That’s the reason I love shows and movies so much about strangers being forced together to save the day and become friends in the process, because I know from personal experience that something like that is so impossible that the mere thought of it working out is a world of escapism.

And that was the headspace I was in most of my life - escapism, denial. I really did believe the small schools were right, that me and my classmates were close, that we were family. I went on thinking that they liked me, that I was the class clown, the entertainment, their friend. But I found out, that could not be further from the truth.

I switched schools partway through my sixth grade year, mostly because of this teacher I had. She was disorganized and mean and had a personal vendetta against me, so my parents pulled me out. As I was leaving, though, she told me what I hadn’t seen - my classmates hated me. They thought I was weird, and annoying, and childish, and wanted nothing to do with me. She was right, as was confirmed to me last summer by one of the two classmates who were nice to me from that school that I reconnected with, but her saying that really messed me up. I was eleven, why wouldn’t it?

Moving into my new school I was paranoid. It didn’t help that the students here much more openly showed their disdain for things, so they didn’t talk about me behind my back - I mean, I’m sure they did, but more importantly they talked about me to my face. There was a lot of bullying in that middleschool, so I did what I thought was the only choice I had. I distanced myself from them, isolated myself, and further did everything I could to get back. I was a tattle tale. I threw tantrums, and then ran away. I played into my own negative image, because I knew I wasn’t one of them, they had made that very clear, so surely that meant I was against them, right?

But then highschool rolled around. Things were different. The students in my class were largely different from the ones in middleschool, either because they matured or just came in from another school, replacing many who had left. At the start of my freshman year there was still some of that antagonism left in me, but it slowly faded out because I realized I was really, really lonely. I fell back on my attempts to be a class clown, to be entertainment, not because it was who I was and I was in denial by believing they liked me that way, but as a desperate ploy to get friends back. It was the only thing I knew how to do when it came to connecting with others, and of course I fell on my face. Many times. Sometimes literally. The more I tried and failed, the more sad I became, because this time my conclusion wasn’t that they didn’t like me because they were shallow bullies, my conclusion was that they didn’t like me because I was unlikeable.

I was excited going into college for the chance to start fresh, but that mindset still lingered in the back of my head. It kept me from making a lot of friends, because I wouldn’t try, because the fear of being hated outweighed the hope of being happy.

I was pretty lonely my first two years.

You can probably see a few parallels between me and Spinel, and if you can’t I’ll make it clearer. Obviously our life story isn’t the same, but so much of it is alike. Like Spinel I believed that someone who didn’t love me loved me. It wasn’t my fault, or their’s. It was because we were forced together by an institution that could not allow either of us to be happy, only I was in denial about it, and the other people were just grated by my childish optimism. If course I could never make them happy, we weren’t in the right places. But when I found out I wasn’t wanted, from the teacher telling me I wasn’t, to my school’s girl scout troop quietly ceasing to invite me to campouts, despite assuring me that changing schools wasn’t going to keep me from being a part of the troop, to each of my classmates from there following me when I joined social media just to unfollow me a few weeks later, it was a system shock, and I was devastated. I felt like a fool for ever even giving them the time of day, and so I lashed out. The people who got my wrath didn’t deserve it. The middleschoolers were bullies, yes, but they were going through their own insecurities and were just facing the world in a different way. Neither of us were in the right. And when it finally dawned on me that my treatment of them was unloving, it wasn’t because I came to that conclusion, but because I thought I wasn’t able to be loved - I used to be not good enough for them, and now I wasn’t good at all.

Spinel’s phase of self-hatred after her phase of aggression is brief, but it still speaks to me. She doesn’t want to be seen, and while she wants to make friends again, she’s convinced that she’s already ruined things for the people around her. She needs a fresh start.

And that’s where the happy ending comes. I am now happily in a wonderful group of friends. We all eat dinner together not because we have to, but because we want to. It took me a while to connect with them because I was still learning about myself, but after about a year of therapy and heart-to-hearts, I am happy. They are to me what the diamonds will be to Spinel. It shows that it is possible to be loved, to have friends, even when it seems like you’ve ruined everything for yourself.

And that’s why I love Steven Universe the Movie, because it isn’t Steven’s movie, it’s Spinel’s, and in some ways it’s my own. There’s probably not too many people who connected with Spinel’s story like I did, but it was just so powerful to me. She tries to make friends in a group she’s just not compatible with, and when things obviously don’t work out, she lashes out, assuming first that friends aren’t possible, that they’re just going to use you and talk behind your back and leave you behind, and then assuming that she just isn’t lovable. But she learns that there’s hope. She learns that she’s wrong, and it doesn’t seem to be Steven who teaches her this. Her breakdown of “what am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so bad” comes when she looks at herself and what she’s become. Steven makes her want to try, to try to be better, but ultimately he’s not the one who can save her. It’s clear throughout the movie that he actually doesn’t want to be Spinel’s friend, so it makes sense that he won’t be, that they’re not compatible - I was wrong for antagonizing my middleschool classmates, but I don’t think we could’ve been friends, same with my highschool classmates - the diamonds, however, who, for all you want to say about them, have a lot of personal growth to do on their own, actually do want her. They latch on to her personality, she genuinely gives them joy where other’s couldn’t, and where she couldn’t to others. So they fly off - and Steven’s right, it’s not quite a happily ever after, because there’s still going to be a lot of work to do, but to me, it is a happy ending.

Because someday, somewhere, somehow, you’ll love again.

You just need to find someone.

#steven universe #su #steven universe the movie #su movie #spinel

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roominthecastle · 5 years

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"Rassvet” delves into the time period between Katarina’s first suicide attempt in February, 1991 (following her run-in w/ the Osterman death squad) & the strategic “resurrection of Raymond Reddington”. Timeline-wise we are good here, imo, otherwise things get... interesting. More behind the cut:

Red told Liz that her mother walked into the ocean 2 months after the Christmas fire (1990). This date checks out. At the shelter, we can hear the news announcing the results of the Lithuanian Independence Referendum. This happened (for real) on February 10, 1991. We also know that Ilya/Red had his first surgical procedure on October 3, 1991. So it’s an 8-month period and not 6 as Liz says, but it’s not that big of a difference (you’re bad at simple math, Liz, and I can relate). Dom says that the various reconstructive surgeries took place over a one-year period, so Ilya/Red likely walked into the first bank towards the end of 1992. Katarina was still alive here and that matches Dom’s claims that 1) he came to the US after the collapse of the Soviet Union (so anytime after December 31, 1991) and 2) that he met Katarina a few months after he arrived, then he never saw or heard from her again. And this is where Dom’s story ends.

Katarina’s “death”, however, is trickier. The show’s been playing fast and loose w/ Red’s “I’ve never lied to you” for a while now, and what he’s told Liz about her mother’s death is def on the very loose end here. Ilya/Red claimed Katarina committed suicide. Well, she did (“I went into the ocean to end my life.”), it was just an unsuccessful one and Ilya/Red did believe her to be dead for a while. He also claimed she was never the same after the fire, and her death is treated as a symbolic one throughout this episode, too (“The woman who walked into the ocean is dead.”). But I still think she is likely dead for real now, she just died later as a consequence of their Reddington Charade, likely as a result of a betrayal that contributed to why Red is the way he is today, why he accepts nothing less than utmost/undivided loyalty, and why he feels so much guilt around Liz, believing that he can never give back what he took from her.

So the dates are fine and, at the end of the day, “Lizzie, your mother is dead” is a statement that holds true, imo (at the very least as a “clever turn of phrase” if Kat is “gone” like Samar is, i.e. never coming back, never able to reach out). For now, I am at peace w/ this.

We also have confirmation that Ilya/Red was indeed there when Liz shot her father. They pulled the dying Reddington from the flames before the firefighters arrived, but he soon died in Katarina’s arms. Then -- after burying him -- Ilya/Red and Kat probably went their separate ways bc he only read about her suicide and had no idea that she survived. In fact, we find him back at work at the Embassy all perky and business as usual, which feels emotionally disjointed from the importance Katarina seems to suddenly take on in his life when he decides to sacrifice everything to protect her. Interestingly, he makes no mention of Liz in this initial vow of protection. In fact, he seems to have no particular investment/interest in Liz whatsoever, and, as we know, his promise of taking care of her “as his own” is never followed through, either.

So if Katarina is as important to him as that monumental sacrifice implies, how come he wasn’t out of his mind with grief before when he thought she’d drowned? With Liz, he is emotionally consistent: his devotion is 100% and so is his devastation when he believes her to be dead. I don’t see this w/ Katarina. There is an inconsistency here that makes me think that there was more behind his willingness to take over Reddington’s identity than a childhood pledge but the answer to this is in the missing parts of the story.

I am def not disputing that Katarina was important to him. They clearly had a bond. I think that childhood pledge was real, too, bc it’s something Dom would know about and it got repeated. I also buy the unrequited & unconditional love scenario bc it fits Red’s personality and he already dropped a comment about this to Liz. But I don’t see them as lovers.

Katarina was decidedly not interested, she was devastated by Reddington’s death, even had a second suicide attempt. She was in love w/ Reddington and also married to/lived with Kirk in Soviet Russia at the time Ilya/Red was stationed in Washington, so I really don’t see how tacking on a 3rd (long-distance) relationship would have fit her life or why. In this ep, they also stayed in separate hotel rooms, Ilya/Red knocked before trying to enter hers -- this behavior doesn’t match two people being in an established intimate relationship (even if it’s on-again, off-again) and I got the same vibe from Red’s POV in “Cape May”, too. Liz is his life and heart, the woman he loves, and after this latest episode, the parallel btw how Katarina and Red react to the death of the person they were in love with is clearer and stronger than ever. For Katarina it was real Reddington. For Red, it is Liz. And I am not even gonna get into the “my child is being raised by someone else” angle but it parallels, too: Katarina put a pin in her original “plan” and came back to make sure Liz was safe. Red did the same for Agnes.

Anyway, what we have in “Rassvet” is, imo, a blend of standard limited 3rd person narration + a curious (infuriating? depends on your perspective) case of an unreliable narrator, which resulted in 2/3 of the messages I got that range from “WTF did I just watch?” to “it doesn’t really add up” and “what about his family??” I don’t believe it’s supposed to add up (yet) and stuff is missing (for now) for a reason.

This ep taps into the signature style of previous flashbacks:

“Cape May” is Red’s distorted recollection filtered through a cocktail of opium, guilt, grief, and suicidal ideation

“Requiem” is Mr. Kaplan’s trip down memory lane that’s skewed by her severe physical/mental/emotional traumas

“Rassvet” is a classic story-inspired-by-true-events Dom tells his granddaughter

There is no objective record of past events presented to us in TBL. We never had that and we might never will. We have memories from sources that are compromised -- biased, altered, censored, redacted -- in various ways, and “narrators” who are unreliable for various reasons. In other words, we have stories and storytellers with agendas.

The lack of reliable omniscient narration becomes evident in “Rassvet” that fittingly revolves around the creation of an identity from a mix of hard facts and anecdotes -- “some true, grounded in reality, some invented” -- for a purpose that (imo) remains partially obscured. It is perfectly captured in both Red’s scene w/ Liz and his subsequent confrontation with our most recent storyteller, Dom: “I know the broad strokes, I know who I am. I need to know the details of exactly what you’ve thrown out there into the ether.”

Red used to be Ilya but the Ilya we see in this episode is Dom’s version -- idealized and incomplete, mostly to fit the story and Dom’s reasons for telling it. This is why Red needs to know what exactly has been said, imo. Liz has already told him the broad strokes and he is Ilya, but the details Dom used to color over things ended up painting a distorted picture that made Red twitch as he listened to Liz in that restaurant. “I know who I am”, he tells Dom but it sure seemed that he only recognized parts of himself in what Liz repeated back to him. The technicalities of him becoming Reddington were told. The whys and hows of his mental/emotional de-evolution are still unclear, imo. This is what Liz touches upon, as well, when she asks him why he stayed Reddington after his alleged original motivation (accessing the $40-million “frame fund” to use it to stay ahead of those hunting Katarina and him) was satisfied. And he naturally dodges her question.

Red detests monsters who masquerade as saviors. This was established at the very beginning when he demolished one of Liz’s idols, as was his view of himself as a violent, ruthless man and self-proclaimed monster who’s sick with guilt and grief and can only atone by protecting Liz. But now, thanks to Dom’s story, she has a skewed view of him as some selfless hero with the purest of original motivations. He was visibly uncomfortable when she believed him to be her father bc he is not that. He is uncomfortable to be perceived as her hero, too, bc he is not that, either, and he def does not see himself that way, either.

Red knows what we know and is angry about it: Dom omitted parts from his narrative and embellished or maybe even invented others. Dom blamed Red for Katarina’s death. He forgave her betrayal but not Red’s (which reminded me of Aram’s situation w/ Levi and Red’s reaction to it), and we have seen Red blaming himself, too, but that tragedy, the event necessitating a “Hobson’s choice” (either letting both Liz and Katarina die or saving one) is missing from the story. Dembe once told Red that Liz may never be ready to hear what he did to Katarina, but there is no trace of that in Dom’s story; it is all unconditional love and pure sacrifice. There is no trace of Red’s own family tragedy, either, but I still don’t believe any of this is forgotten or rewritten.

The former is likely omitted bc Dom’s “storytelling agenda” was to reconnect with Liz, smooth things over, and help everyone move forward. This motivation was floated in the previous episode via his carside chat w/ Red that’s all about the topic of forgiveness: “Why did she turn you in? What did you do that made her want to do that?” | “I haven't ever been totally forthright about myself. She thought she'd have a better chance of finding out more if I was in prison and couldn't interfere.” And it is brought to a conclusion -- on Dom’s part -- at the end of “Rassvet” when he tells Red: “What you need to do is to thank me for putting all of this behind you.” I think the story was Dom’s way of offering forgiveness to Red (a response to his “You forgave Katarina but not me” in the previous ep) and helping him move on. He believes he told Liz enough to give her closure, too. Red seems to disagree, claiming that this likely made things worse. He’s probably right and I cannot wait to see how it unfolds.

I think the other major omission -- that of Red’s family tragedy that’s been alluded to in earlier seasons -- is not in Dom’s story bc he doesn’t know about it. At least I had this feeling when Red showed up on Dom’s doorstep after Liz’s “death”. Dom acted like Red had never experienced the devastating loss of a family, saying sth along the lines of “You think now you know how I feel?!” If he knew about Red’s/Ilya’s wife and daughter, he never would have said that, imo. Also, Red was an operative and worked in the Ambassador’s Residence in D.C. that still housed the Soviet embassy in 1991. When he met younger Dom in Moscow, he greeted him by saying “Sir, it’s been too long.” So they were likely not in touch for a long time and Ilya/Red was stationed in the US for who knows how long and for what mission (it seems he was translating a report on a USA/USSR Maritime Boundary Agreement when Katarina’s crossword code popped up on the screen). This “blank period” gives us room for that missing story piece (which likely happened around/after 1987) and a plausible reason for Dom to not be aware of it.

Dom was not aware of the existence of the Cabal, either, until Katarina got caught up in their web, so I think it’s v likely that they were also responsible for killing Ilya/Red’s family, which -- coupled w/ wanting to protect Katarina -- would be a proper, plausible motivation for him to take on Reddington’s identity given that it provided him w/ something even better than $40 million: tangible access to the Cabal and the Fulcrum. The new identity brought the seed money and a stepping stone to launch his Odyssean mission.

#tbl spoilers #tbl spec #long post #lizzington #hope you guys accept this as a sort of 'blanket response'#the stuff i didn't touch upon but was asked about will come separately soon

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otogetranslations · 5 years

Text

A Sasazuka Essay

Written by one of our most beloved translator: khikari AKA Kujouhikari!

She completed translating mostly all of Sasazuka route in our on-going translation project: Collar x Malice Unlimited!

Here is the link to the original post: Reddit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LUA27Rhfe3vyf1Ug_Qi5U1RZXvzwMZ1dT8hX8bEy_RM/edit?usp=sharing

Greetings.

To discuss Ichika in donut's route, we would have to discuss donut himself as well. It is something unavoidable. I have a generally favourable opinion of donut, to be point of being extremely biased towards him. As such, this is purely opinion with that fact established. This post will also be long because I have trouble finding 'concise' in my dictionary.

I played the game in Japanese so my experience might also differ from yours in that respect.

Also, there will be spoilers.

1.) Hoshino Ichika as a person

Basic background (Just so we are on the same page): Hoshino Ichika is a newbie police officer, quite fresh off her graduation. She is only 21 and still does not have that much experience in the workforce. She has impressive accuracy in her aim and handling of guns, however she is not a professional in it (compared to others). Her family is implied, and is confirmed, to neglect and dismiss her diligence and will in a variety of ways. She is often compared with her brother, whom she loves but is on unsteady relations with, after he moved to Tokyo.

Personality: She is an ordinary person with an ordinary sense of justice and morale, is empathetic, and not especially talented. Her most significant trait is her strong will and diligence, working hard for her ideals to come true. She faces things head on, for the better for worse, and tries to confront things that she is uncomfortable with as well. Not being a complacent person, she constantly strives for a better reality within her abilities. She understands what she can do, and what she can't do, very well. She also has extremely low self-esteem due to her upbringing, and was under a lot of stress during the X-Day incidents due to being a newbie, not going well with her family, then the collar happening.

I admire her for all this. She might not be the most powerful, or greatest, or most active, but she does what she can and tries to be true towards herself. She might fail and fall on the way, and even be a hypocrite sometimes, but she is only human. She isn't trying to save the world, she only wants her family safe, and those that she care for to be alright. I admire people who try despite knowing their limits, just as much as I admire those who are active and cause real change.

Also, I find it strange to pick at her hypocrisy sometimes. Her low-self esteem means that she is constantly unable to accept praise as what it is, yet her upbringing makes her yearn for understanding of some sort that she never received from her parents. I think critisizing her for that can be unfair.

I also personally find realistic egotism in characters to be something beautiful, influenced by the many literature I have read. I empathise with them better.

2.) Sasazuka Takeru as a person

Background Summary: Sasazuka Takeru is 24, an extremely talented hacker who moved from America to Japan due to his trauma with his mother. (In the beginning) he resigned from the police due to despairing at the police and the government's methods, in hope of trying to do something himself. He is used to the merit-based system in America, where ability influenced your input in the situation. However, Japan is the opposite, where the number of years you have spent in a corporation is prized over your ability (this can be still quite relevant in modern Japan). The ability to present your argument can be more important than the substance of it in this case, where these incidents have shook up the entire country. Thus, he is highly frustrated and running short on time with little resources to try to solve something important to him.

Personality: I personally empathise a lot with Sasazuka, as I have a similar sewage personality diluted slightly with coke. (I just wrap it up slightly better thanks to books.) He is highly pragmatic and has his priorities on a rigid hierarchy according to his personal investment, and thus can be seen as egostical. In other words, he ranks his individual needs and morales higher than what is important for the 'greater good'.

This means that he sees practical solutions to problems as more important than the decorums and traditional methods of society, and cares little about feelings he trample on. He evaluates every decision he makes with cold harsh logic, and spends no effort on things he deem 'meaningless'. (For example, society values family relations. However, if he evaluates the relationship to have no future, he'd cut it off, even if it is family. He places value on his own judgement and not general consensus.) And thus he is the most morally grey of the main cast.

He is a true neutral, which diverts from the tradition lawful good or lawful neutral protagonists society tends to value. I cannot comment on him much due to the similarities I find. He is neither good, nor bad. You can only measure that compared with your own moral compass, and whether he is against you or with you. (That's how war works, really. Nobody fights for what they don't believe in. Being the enemy doesn't make them wrong, but it doesn't make them right. It's the same for allies. Imperically, right and wrong can only be decided on how many casualties one's actions result in.)

As a person, he is extremely guarded of other people, and does not give his trust easily. There is no point spending time and effort on someon who is either going to betray you or is not worth it. However, this means that once someone has earned his respect, he will always prioritise them over other things. He has time to spare because he has cut off unimportant people, after all. He will go the extra mile to make sure they grow and can be happy independent from him while he accomplishes his own goals. This is true for both friendships and romantice relationships. This makes his relationships either very shallow or very deep, but nobody has qualified for the latter in love so far.

He is also very honest and tries not to be a hypocrite. What he says are usually logical and sound. He just doesn't wrap it up and consider the other party's feeling as much, because he wants improvement. Babying people will cause no progress. He shows his most natural self to the world because of this. Pleasantries might make co-operation more smooth, but they don't solve the actual problem.

His good parts and extra effort are reserved only for those who he deems as deserving.

(Also, this might also help you understand why he chooses to be morally grey and result based. In Australia, the the first British settlers came across the native Aborigines and judged their standard of living to be 'low'. Feeling the Aborigine children to be 'abused' in such a 'lowly' environment, they decided to kidnap the children so that they could have a better life. They brought them to these 'schools' where they are taught the skills to be a servant so that they can have a job in the future and lift themselves out of the 'poverty cycle'. They had good intentions in their opinion, but for the Aborigines, this is just them stealing their children away and throwing poop on their culture.

Doing what seems 'good' depending on societal morals can lead to these situations, and thus the best a person can do is to not betray themselves. I'm rambling sorry, but in this case, Sasazuka would value the result and say that the good intentions are not excusable. Would this make sense?)

3)Finally answering the question (I made you wait long enough.)

Sasazuka's treatment of Ichika: Just would like to address this first. Sasazuka is cold towards Ichika, calling her 'baka neko' idiot cat the first time they meet. The Japanese wording is less harsh than the English equivalent. (There is even a saying that someone more cute the more baka they are.)

Sasazuka is harsh and cold throughout the beginning because of how badly their personalities clashed. Sasazuka is a person who doesn't value meaningless effort, while Ichika tries despite having little experience or ability. For Sasazuka, Ichika should be focusing on something else and not bother him and lower his efficiency. Explaining to her would be wasting time because she is very unlikely to grasp hold of the situation quickly and contribute to it. She may be a victim, but Adonis is a large organisation adept at manipulating the emotion of masses, so she might be just acting. The enemy formally nearly suceeded in bringing the president down...They must have had many spies in government to make that possible, so they have the resource for this little act.

Conclusion: Time spent on her is wasted, and keep information from her as much as possible. Giving her extra information might even cause her to poke into dangerous situations due to lack of experience, thus encourage her to rely on someone more capable and caring like Yanagi-san. It is a lose-lose situation to work with her.

Meanwhile, for Ichika, she knew that she was dead weight, so she wanted to try and help in whatever way she can. She wanted these incidents to stop, and her hope of restoring the gun law is her main motivation in this route. Sasazuka handled the August(?) case which was the reason for this to happen, and thus he was her best shot. Enomoto's cases were to do with internal police conflict, Shiraishi was most likely a dead end, and she knew that she didn't have the ability to keep up with all cases like Yanagi. Therefore she sorted her priorities and decided to try to help Sasazuka.

Having a lot more EQ than Sasazuka, she realised early on that he was trying to do both of them a favour by not involving her. She also knows that he is extremely independant and would find her help to be intrusive, so she opted to help in the only way that would not bother him or slow him down: health support. She tries to do what she can, and hopefully would gain his trust so that she could have other ways of helping, like gathering information the slow way. For her, it's not that she likes Sasazuka over the other people or anything, it's just that she rationally did what she could for her goal to be accomplished.

Here, there is extra tension because Sasazuka is extremely frustrated and rushed because working in the police meant slow results slow action, but working alone meant less resources. People are dying by the day and he understands those deaths as a victim himself, so he wants to do something about it but it's slow. Ichika is under a lot of pressure for reasons stated earlier. Both of them are types to bottle things up and thus they kind of take it out on each other, but Ichika is more mature about the whole thing.

The love part: As to where they both start getting drawn to each other.... Sasazuka slowly opens up to Ichika who constantly tries without overly disturbing him, which makes her comfortable to be with. She respects his abilities and knows her own limits, which he can respect in turn. She might not be talented, but she is doing what she can while taking his preferences in consideration. Her care for her brother is something he admires, because he can't do the same for someone who doesn't return his affections. She...might remind him of his own mother who treated him as more important than her own life, despite him having such a troublesome personality. Thus, he wanted to help her with her brother while getting to know Sera in the process. Win-win. He knows that he is generally disliked, and thus he could test Kazuki's reactions. If he loved his sister, great. If he doesn't, then he'll tell that to Ichika upfront.

He begins to like her because he can respect her, she is gaining his trust, and most importantly, he feels comfortable around her. The last quality is something rare for him to find. (Isn't the ideal relationship being able to eat potato chips together on the couch, watching the same movie and laugh while pointing out its ridiculousness? In real life at least.)

Thus...he kissed her. Not to start a romantic relationship. It is him trying to repay her with his earnest feelings mixed in. Words wouldn't console her, then. (He also has less reservations about it because, you know, America.)

Ichika grows to like him because of his kindness and honesty she sees through his actions. His words can be aloof, but he has never truly abandoned her or led her astray while she was partners with him. He might even remind her a little of Kazuki, who is aloof and tsun as well. Since Sasazuka is opening up to her, some of her big sisterly feelings of taking care of Kazuki seeps through. She grows fond of Sasazuka, who shows more and more of his softer parts the more she gets to know him. (Please remember that she has high EQ and has a pretty good read on him. He's not that hard to read because he is quite straightforward and doesn't lie.)

He is earnest and trying his best, and thus she can respect him too. She admires him for being both diligent and being talented, but on the other hand he is terrible at wrapping his words and taking care of health. Thus, she can't leave him alone, because she admires him and grows to like him.

His support of her helps these feelings grow, and the kiss reminded her that romance yes indeed could exist. With that in mind, she also slowly realises her own feelings of protectiveness and affection towards him.

For both of them, it isn't a sweet romance purely based on love. (Though this can be said for all of the main cast except Enomoto.) For Sasazuka, it is comfort, trust and respect which led to affection. For Ichika, it is admiration, trust and caring nature that led to affection.

However, it doesn't progress to actual romantic feelings as quickly because of this foundation. Just one step short. They have mutual respect, but haven't closed enough distance to reach a deeper relationship.

Therefore, the turning point was when Ichika tried to protect Sasazuka, Sasazuka tried to protect Ichika and his trauma was dug up. This set off the last chain reaction needed for them to close the distance. Later, when Sasazuka confesses that he was morally grey, he trusts her but is also half testing her. He would never change, and he knows that, so he wants to know if she'd be disgusted or appalled. Because of how invested he was, however, he couldn't bear for her to react negatively and cut it off completely, so he made her drunk first. So that he and her both had a way out.

But...she didn't do any of that. She said that he was kind. She asked him to not go down the dark path. She...accepted him. For Sasazuka, this is more than enough reason for his feelings to tilt to romantic affection.

Then she proceeds to cry and he panics. He doesn't want someone who did all this for him to cry, and thus this memory became important for him. Important enough that he could push down the feelings of revenge, because he doesn't want her to cry. He doesn't want to make her, who helped him and accepted him despite his sewage attitude and questionable morals, to cry again.

It is for this reason that he couldn't confess to her that easily, too, which would lead to the tragic love end. He knows that he isn't the best choice and isn't good enough for her to be happy. She makes him comfortable and is special in doing this, and thus deserves the best happiness she can get. He also has the priority of destroying the remainder of Adonis, and thus...

In the good end, his feelings overrode his other wishes and his reason. Love > Respect & Reason, basically. He planned to confess to her on christmas, but she did first, and you know the rest. From then on, his affections are more open, but at his core, he is a person who isn't made of honey, so he is honest, showing his natural dry self.

For Ichika, Sasazuka confessing is a sign of trust, but also something that panics her. Her feelings progressed to love earlier than him, and she called him an idiot for being so stupid. He calls himself mean and morally grey, but she knows the kindness hidden within him. He downplays all his positive sides and says all this to her, expecting her to push him away. Are you an idiot? (I already love you!) So, don't go off to do things that will hurt yourself!

Because of this, the...Sera event affected her deeply. She knew he was on the edge. She doesn't want Sasazuka to stray off. Desperate to keep him in the side of the light, she remembered how he was troubled by her crying, and the fact that he trusted her enough to confess all that. She then threatens him with her tears because...it's the only thing that made him halt and unsure.

But ye I don't have anything more to say on her front, the rest is all in the game, go play the game you heathen!

Ichika in comparison with other routes:

To discuss this, we have to discuss what part of Ichika shines in other routes. Enomoto - Cuteness, initiative, bravery and willing to confront what he was unwilling to face. Shiraishi - She showed her will strongly. Her EQ was high and saw right through him XD. She chooses not to give up on what is precious to her no matter what. She pointed out his wrongs actively. She was so...kind. And cute. Okazaki - High EQ, figured out what Kei actually wanted. Won't take his poop reasons for using her as a reason. Refuses to give up and self sacrificing without being overly so. Cuteness. Yanagi - Willing to face reality and not run away, whether it is with Yanagi or the last boss. High EQ. Takes initiative and does what she needs to do. Shows her compassionate nature and helps Yanagi forward, together. Cuteness.

As we can see, cuteness is the common factor in all of them. She shows the same in donut's route. Nuff said.

High EQ - As shown in my rambles, she shows this very well.

Compassion - yep.

Strong will - Yep, was willing to do anything to improve the situation, even if it meant buying donuts or doing other things.

One thing I think is special to Sasazuka's route is her grasp on her own limits. She knows what she can and can't do, and that's important. It's admirable. She doesn't shove her nose into matters that aren't hers, and she listens well. She is willing to admit that she isn't capable and that's important in the real world.

As for why she might not seem as exceptional...well. It's because Sasazuka is almost never doing the wrong thing, and is always trying to improve himself. Enomoto refused to accept reality. Shiraishi was blind to what he really wanted. Okazaki wanted meaning to his life in a destructive way. Yanagi was stuck in the past and is overly compassionate, so much that he could not move to act.

Sasazuka is always acting to solve the case, is self-motivated, and is grounded in reality. He is mostly a self-completing person. Though his words are sharp, he always does what is needed. He is honest. He doesn't hide his intentions. His main flaw is his true neutral alignment which does not mesh well with his trauma. Thus, he doesn't need to be changed or forced to change like the others. So she could never assume a super active role in this relationship.

For Sasazuka, Ichika represents comfort and somewhere he could properly breathe around. She is someone he respects, and he wishes her to grow into the best version of herself. They might not be equal in ability, but their mutual understanding, respect and admiration makes them treat each other as equals.

And isn't that enough? I find that to be admirable. I think she shines just as much as in other routes, just in a more realistic way rather than an active way. Valuing a more active and interactive heroine is great and all, but I think the writing in the game captures more realistic and...explicit? Not so pure? Love relatively well.

#takeru sasazuka #ichika hoshino #collar x malice

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alitheamateur · 5 years

Text

The Grind-Chapter 19

The newby fighters thankfully handled media horrendously, answering questions in choppy six or seven word responses. Sure, it limited the material and made the story vulnerable to the writers embellishing devices, but the speedy conclusion of the often clock-stopping, boring event was never one complained about amongst the journalistic world.

When I stepped outside in pursuit of the strangely near empty bar, I pulled the sleeves of my blazer off and draped it over my forearm, sliding my clutch between my bicep and ribcage. The crisp, white silk of the tank top swayed with the calm, cool breeze of the nighttime air, mixing with my nervously sweating skin, creating an array of chill bumps over my flesh. An exiting patron held the door open as I swept inside the dimly lit sports bar. There weren’t many tables, only 3 tv’s, and no blasting music. Hence the lack of customers, I’m sure. Colton was easy to spot, hunching at a high-top near the glass front of the building. He hadn’t ordered a drink yet, once again, trying desperately to execute that military like, gentlemanly manner his father Michael, had instilled in him, presumably. I dropped the weight of my tired body in the un-cushioned wooden seat, and huffed aloud in the relief. “That didn’t take too long,” he stated first.

“Those two were complete media virgins. They didn’t have much to say.” I confirmed as I massaged in the sanitizer I applied to my palms, and scanned over the sparse clients.

“Want me to grab you a drink or somethin’? I didn’t know if you were still a martini girl, so I held off.” Had his accent become thicker with his hair?

“Actually, I’ll just take a seltzer. Lime on the side too, please.” Tia would probably be able to sniff out the scent of alcohol in my sweat like a hungry hound dog, and have my tail for drinking while training.

She had graciously granted me a pass on my birthday, so I didn’t see it wise to push my luck any further. Come to think of it though, when in the actual hell had I become the girl to drink seltzer water and lime?

My ex now turned waiter for the moment returned with a small square tumbler filled with fizzy, clear liquid, and a long neck in his other hand. His black shirt painted over the ripples of his back, the muscles there moved like thickened water down the spread of him. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he shops for himself. I can only imagine his decision-making unraveling something like, “yeah, black t-shirt. I can always use another black t-shirt.”

“Thank you,” I said between lengthy sips. “And thanks too for, um… the flowers. They were stunning. You really didn’t have to, but it was a sweet gesture, Colton.”

“So I did okay, huh? They’re your favorite?” He hoped with questioning eyes, taking a quick pull of his sweating beer.

“Yes, Colt. They’re my favorite. You did well. Extremely well.”

“I owe you another 50 dozen more, Liv….”

Here is comes. The conversation was about to take a dicey dive into the abyss.

“It’s not flowers I need, Colton. I think you know a million dollars’ worth of pretty bouquets won’t fix, this.” I drew an invisible line through the space from me, to him, “It’s not gonna fix us. Or, whatever us there was, I guess.”

He sat his half empty beverage on the scuffed table tap, and I noticed the glass chatter against the surface. He was shaking. This wasn’t the angry, poked bear shaking though. This was the abused, cowering, wounded bird shaking.

“Yeah, Liv. I get that, okay? I just didn’t know where to fuckin’ start, ya’ know? I didn’t wanna get too pushy..” he began, while drawing nervous figure-eights with his callused finger tips along the cracks in the table top. “But, I gotta know. I ain’t tryna put you on the spot or nothin’, but is there any fixing it, babe? I have no right to asking you this shit, I realize that. But, just give me somethin’ here, Liv. Should I just write us off?”

The million dollar question. How was I supposed to give him the answer his desperate eyes so anxiously desired, when I didn’t have it myself? I loved Colton Ritter, no matter how blindly I wanted the fact to be untrue, there was no refuting it. But, I couldn’t shake the reluctancy I felt towards him either. That apprehensive, yet yearning brew filling up my gut. The next words I spoke to him would be the defining moment of what my future held, so I hesitated. Taking as long as I needed to sort through the perfect retort.

“You act like that’s such a simple question to answer, Colt. You have no idea what you did to me for Christ sakes,” my fist gently, but effectively smacked the table, clinking the glass beverages there. I refrained from chewing his hide in nagging anger, but I wasn’t about to hold back on what I truly needed to say. “I was a literal basket case. As damn foolish and weak as that may sound, it’s a fact. I missed work, I made myself sick from the unrelenting crying. Like, seriously, there was actual vomit, Colton. I wore your fuckin clothes around the apartment like a lost mutt!” I could see him tense entirely, almost wincing aloud in shame and heartache. And I half wondered if maybe he’d done some of his own shameful grieving during our time apart. “Every day for nearly a year felt like one big, constant punch to my gut, making it almost hard to even catch a decent breath. I’ve been better for a while now, but every single day, your stupid, smug face finds its way into my head….” I allowed myself a pause to try and extinguish the burning tears I knew were about to come loose, but there was no use. Once the first fell, I just opened the watery dam. “If I’m being honest, part of my really just hates you. A big chunk of me, as a matter of fact. But I know the love is still there, as much as the hate. Probably more,” snubbing through my tearful fit. “I don’t think I’m ready right this minute, Colton. For us, I mean. I think I might be at some point, but who’s to say… I can’t name the day and time. So, if that isn’t enough for you, and you feel like I’m a waste of your time, then yes, you should just move on.”

Th brawniest, hard as stone man I’d ever known, raised a hand to wipe dry his weepy eyes. It wasn’t a hysterical, sobbing outburst, and an actual tear may not have fallen free, but they were there. The glazy sheen over his blue toned eyes tonight gave him away. He blew out the breath he’d apparently been holding in before his mustered the composure to speak back.

“I’m on your time, Livvy, alright? I’ll just stay outta your way, and if ya’ want me, you know I’m here. I fucked up. Royally, to say the least. There is so much I wanna say, and I hope you gimme the chance to piece it all together for you someday in the near future. I’m sorry seems to be the most important thing right now. And I’m gonna say it every day I have the chance. I’ll hang back as best I can, okay? And if someone else so happens to come along, for either of us, then I guess that’s that, huh?” He reached forth his hand to graze as gently as a summer breeze over my resting fingers, a current of G-force energy rattled through my every internal organ. I didn’t jerk away from his touch this time, instead allowing myself the loving awakening I had longed for the past days without him. He’d be the death of me, whether it be in happiness or misery, I wasn’t sure.

“I think that sounds like the best way to handle it, Ritter. I can work with that,” I sheepishly smiled, curling an auburn strand behind my ear. “Now, I better get home and get some sleep.” Picking my clutch up first, then swallowing the last mouthful of my drink, I stretched my petite legs searching for the ground below me. Before I could drop on my heels, he had swiftly came to my side, offering his hand out to steady my drop from the heighted stool. The man was so full of these sickeningly, syrupy sweet courtly gestures, and I might as well have been licking the plate.

“Let me walk you to the car this time. Please?” he almost begged holding my jacket open for me to slide my arms in.

“How about I walk you to your bike, and we’ll call it a night.” It wasn’t a question. I wanted to seem as independent as I could to him, while also establishing again that I’d be okay without him if things didn’t pan out with our relationship.

I went out on a wobbly whim and locked my arm through the empty crease in his elbow, while his hand was snuggled deep into his jean pockets, and out of a side eyed glance, and detected a half smile on his lips. “My bike is right here on the corner. Is you car close?”

“Close enough. Don’t you worry about me, kid,” I winked before breaking my clutch on his arm as we reached his black bike parked by a ticking meter.

“Hey listen, Liv. I’m thinking about sticking with Temple Fitness. Y’know like, staring up a membership to train there and stuff. But if you’re not good with it, then I’m out.” He remarked strapping his helmet around his bearded, calico chin.

“I think I can handle it, Colton. Just stay outta my way, big guy..” it was clear by the playfulness of my high pitched, girl giggly that I was testing the waters with some flirty banter. The saluted “yes, boss” he tossed back told me he was aware of my joking tone. When I took a couple slow paces in exit, bidding him a goodnight, he met my steps, and leaned in for a hopeful kiss to my pert cheek. \

“Not yet, Colt. Not yet, okay?” The dangerously close presence of his lips to me could’ve shot me a million feet in the air above us. But, I had to keep the line drawn, for now anyways. He wasn’t out to the woods yet.

When I gave him my back in search of my own car down the sidewalk, he yelled my name, muffled through the visor of his helmet.

“Hey 2-1!” I turned slightly, never ceasing my footsteps, careful not to lose my balance while walking backwards in my strappy shoes. “You look better than ever, babe. And I’ll happily take my punishment for sayin’ it.” He took his bottom lip between his teeth, and I curled my lips up with brows raised in disbelief, yet satisfying pleasure, winking with no words, and went on my merry way. I heard his bike fire up with an almost lion like roar, and he sped off in the opposite direction. Revving his accelerator, no doubt in teenage like, hormonal ego.

The next morning, all too bright, and much too early I entered the office hanging my sleepy head, still reeling from the unexpected turn of events the previous evening. Through groggy rasps, I served my morning hellos to passing co-workers, determined to reach the noiseless four walls of my office and downing the contents of my Styrofoam cup. If I timed it just right, I thought maybe I could even sneak a 30-minute powernap sometime around the 10 o’clock hour. When I crossed the concierge desk, Layla, the awkward, mousy receptionist waved a hand to halt me.

“This package came to you this morning, Ms. Elliott.” The box rectangular box, wrapped in wrinkled brown paper had apparently been delivered early morning to the office.

I thanked Layla the messenger, and stepped over the threshold of the empty elevator. The package was unmarked, only adding to the quizzical allure, but I held my eager hands from slashing through the wrapping until I got into my private office. I blindly flipped on the single light switch, my purse thudding onto the neatly organized desktop calendar. I ripped the first corner of the box opened before I was even sat into the swivel seat, when a small folded sheet of paper fell into the floor.

Livvy,

Thought you may need this. The other one seemed little ratty. I think I cut it just how you like them. There’s plenty more where this came from.

Love,

Colt

I dropped the lid of the package, peeling back a translucent layer of tissue paper to find a white, slightly dingy colored Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt. One I very much recognized as belonging to the gift giver himself. A weak smile had instantaneously crept across my face as I ran a thumb over the fading of the smooth polyester blend. I pondered, and settled on a decision in that second, that I was going to unapologetically relish the games he’d be willingly to play to win back my affection. I wasn’t wholeheartedly dreadful though, and I knew sending him thanks for the thoughtful efforts was the right thing to do, so I sent him a text to extend some reserved gratitude. Giving him the impression I was appreciative, but wasn’t eating out of his veiny hands just yet.

Tia was distant as of recent. Cold as a sparkling Pittsburgh frost before dawn. The conversation we had about my exchanges with Colt weren’t half as pleasant, and supportive as my phone call with Sara. Tia hated the man, not saying I blamed her. No matter what he said, or didn’t say, the gifts he gave, or the groveling that arose, she wasn’t forgetting the past. Colton Ritter was blacklisted indefinitely in her book. So much so, I even had to gulp down concerns that fizzled for my own friendship with her.

Climbing the steel steps of the cage with her was never too terribly intimidating before that night. I always knew no matter how repetitive she’d be with her promising that she wouldn’t take it easy on me, I could always sense the restraint of her moves. Yet again, before that night… The trifling stomps of her bare feet across the mat would’ve signaled danger, if the haughty shove passed my shoulder hadn’t already. “Chew that rubber, Elliott,” she yelled unkindly, instructing me to hurry with my mouth piece so we could get the session underway.

She was bouncing upward, shoving her knees into her chest, stretching to shatter my thighs with one of her categorical back kicks. Willow was crouched in the floor beside the metal confines, arms crossed about her chest in curious observation, Tia’s harshness not unnoticed by her and the onlookers in the workout room. We danced the usual mirrored waltz across the octagon from each other, each waiting for someone to stretch forth searching for the first connecting jab. Before my mind had a single minute to strategize an assault, Tia lunged lowly to bearhug my legs right from beneath my own body, and my elbows nearly ricocheted off the canvas floor. The sweat of my attacker was already profusely flowing, more so from the rumbling anger, and probable resentment she was feeling for the likes of me. We wormed around on the patched ground, she grabbing a lock around my legs, me tugging on her extended forearm. Amongst our grunts, and gasps of pain, a very confused and scratchy voice sung out above all else.

“The fuck? Liv?”

My eyes beckoned toward Colton’s wide stance next to Willow, but Tia didn’t let up. The more I fidgeted for release, the tighter she wound her meager form around me. When the match between us didn’t halt, I heard his intrusions slice the room again.

“LIV!” But this time, it wasn’t a questioning tone. He was demanding acknowledgment, and more importantly an explanation.

My “friendly” opponent loosened her vice, and I lunged a swift, fumbly kick to shake her off. If my face wasn’t already reddened from the efforts of the spar, it sure would’ve been painted with a bright shade when I stood to see the concerned contortions of his always tempting mouth. With his hands raised in dumbfounding confusion awaiting his answer, I rushed towards the cage door to meet him in the corner he was heading to.

“THIS is what you’ve been doing here, Livvy? What the hell?” He was lazily scratching a hand through the brown of his beard.

“Not that it’s a single ounce of your business, Colt, but yes. Started a few months back, Tia suggested it.” My feet firm and solid under his disapproving stares.

“Oh, c’mon Liv. I don’t mean to sound like a bossy prick about it, ok? It’s your life, you can do what ya’ want with it. It just… I dunno.. scares me, I guess…” I turned to notice his restless hands, squirming in fists at his side, and his teeth visibly grinding behind closed chops. “I hate myself for hurting you. How did ya’ think I was gonna take to seeing someone smash a fist to those pretty cheeks, babe?”

My gloved fingers didn’t hesitate to seek out his own, stilling his concerns. I intertwined our digits, and I swear I felt the life creep back into me. His eyes closed under feathery lashes, and there was no denying the husky exhalation that purred from him at our connecting flesh.

“I’m not some.. some weak kitten, Colt. I know you think I’m just a lowly damsel who needs a constant eye watching over her, but, that’s not the case.”

Although maybe very “me: Tarzan, you: Jane” to the outsiders perspective, Colton was very… well, male. He considered his place as my partner to be one of the valiant knight, shielding me from any oncoming harm. My humble opinion? It was all part of his blue collar, endearing charm. But, he’d have to reel it in on the aspect of my fight training.

“It’s not that I think ya’ need it 24-hour surveillance, kid. As a matter of fact, I think it’s just a shot to my ego that you don’t need it, ya’ know. I just wanna protect ya’, alright? Damn it, you’re always makin’ me… makin’ me talk so much, 2-1.” He enfolded my small hand tighter under his grip.

“I appreciate that. My very own lethal prrotector, huh?” I winked and wet my bottom lip catching his eye. “Ask Tia though, I hold my own with these gloves, big shot. Be careful, or you may have to find out first hand.”

Cool it, hormones. You might as well just jump his bones right here.

The flirtation went crawling like a cold shutter obviously over his roasting skin, and his eyes were swirling through shades of blue. “I would happily take that beating, sweetheart!”

Walk away. Now. Go liv, you’re drooling.

“I gotta get back to her though, or I’m gonna pay the price. See ya’ around?” I was securing the gloves assuredly, ready to bid riddance to him before his animal senses detected my feminine excitement, and he held me back.

“I’ll be around, yeah. Oh, hey girl! Nice shirt, by the way..” I went for a drink of my room temperature sports drink and nearly gagged on it. No way he couldn’t notice I was sporting the package he’d delivered a few short hours ago.

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935 @mollybegger-blog @littleluna98

#Tom Hardy #tomhardy #tomhardyfanfic #tomhardyfanfiction #tom hardy fanfiction #tommy conlon #elizabeth olsen #thegrind

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extraplanetarystory · 5 years

Text

Part 17

Director Rorn’s office was mostly muted. It was a spacious rectangle full of gray, black, and matte metals lit by daylight let in through the floor to ceiling window-wall. But then there was the gigantic block of a machine sitting on his desk that looked inexplicably like a personal computer out of the 80s. And then there was the wall of nightmarish color that put that machine to shame. The colors popped and clashed in triangles and squiggles thrown haphazardly across the space.

As hard as I tried not to, it was all I could look at as I explained every single thing that just happened to me to both the director and Pilot. Rorn, a small and pudgy man with the scraggliest eyebrows I’d ever seen, sat in a chair across the desk from me and Pilot paced back and forth behind them. Neither of them even spared a glance at the horror on the wall.

Pilot told me I wasn’t missing just a night, I was missing for three days. And Riche’e had yet to reappear.

Rorn rested his chin on tented hands, staring gravely into the air as he listened to me, asking small questions here and there and nothing else.

“I cannot focus on training for Zega with this hanging over me,” I said after a few moments of silence where the men seemed to be stewing in everything I’d told them.

“And what could you possibly mean by that?” Pilot stopped pacing and turned to me, popping out against the violently red triangle behind him.

“I mean I have to help stop the four time travelers intent on messing up the galaxy.”

“I repeat my question.”

Rorn snorted, then smiled. “How could you, a rudkjurt that barely speaks Copan and doesn’t have any survival skills whatsoever, help stop dymarul?”

I took offense to that. I took great offense to the survival skills dismissal. I know how to run and running is the epitome of survival! “Because I am going to be part of this whether I want to be or not. Steele Eakre-Ta’ash came after me and Riche’e first.” And then Eagle implied he was going to search for Riche’e too, in a bad way.

Rorn looked to Pilot. “It may be a good opportunity to put Tawyn’s serum to further test. It seems to have been a success so far.”

“And there is that business too!” I stood and leaned on the desk with both hands, putting on my best serious and commanding face. Rorn raised an eyebrow. “Tawyn and Pilot were arguing about that back on Zi’inra. At least, that must have been what that was about.” I looked to Pilot.

“Have you had any injuries lately?” Pilot smiled in a way I couldn’t possibly decipher. Annoyance and-or amusement, maybe. “From your initial fall, perhaps?”

I straightened. “No, I wasn’t hurt at all.” I hadn’t seen for felt even a bruise.

Pilot turned to Rorn. “I know what you want, but what is your reasoning?”

“This is an unprecedented situation,” Rorn answered. “And most assuredly dangerous. If someone untrained and unprotected ran into this like she stupidly wants to—”

“Yo, I’m standing right here.”

“—then let’s see if it’ll actually keep her alive long enough for her determination to be useful.”

“What is Tawyn’s ‘serum?’” The image of the red-bandaged person back in the field tents came to my mind. And the fact everyone else seemed to have some sort of injury. I remembered the blood on my arm and my definitely broken ribs after I was thrown into the air after one of the explosions during the attack. My hand went to my side.

“Next time you see a knife, cut yourself with it,” Pilot said. “That’ll tell you.”

“Oh, for the sake of the Eight, stop being so dramatic, Pi.” Rorn waved a hand with a mighty roll of his eyes. “Turn off the showmanship.”

“What did Tawyn not want you to tell me, Pilot? Why did he want me to stay on Zi’inra?”

“Besides the fact your his daughter and we all just survived a traumatic event?”

“There was more to it.” My hand clenched. My bones should still be broken. “I didn’t start that war too, did I?”

“No, you did not,” Rorn answered. “The Cerras did. You’re just an unfortunate casualty. Or rather fortunate, I think. They took top secret information, and they took it out of context. Politically speaking, Zi’inra has always been a supporter of Creosian independence from Mother Cerra. They never became involved in the territory war, but they always spoke loudly about their opinion of it.”

“The Space Exploration Administration, on most days, is not a military organization or anything like it,” Pilot continued. “It’s in the name, we’re science. We exploration and research is who we are. But, condensing hundreds of loliel’s worth of history you would get in your training into a few words, Sa’cra came to trust us as a peacekeeping force when the situation calls for it.

“Our members frequently find themselves in dangerous situations and we had to come up with a solution for that. Zega went to your father to ask him to oversee the creation of a healing agent that would aid member survival and reduce healing times.” Then he waved a hand in my direction. “And the fact you’re standing there means he succeeded.”

Holy magic, Batman. I backed up a step, forcing myself to keep to the logical side of this conversation. “So you are saying the Cerras found out about that and jumped to the conclusion that you were siding against them?”

“Zega remains neutral and away from all small disputes until officially invited into the conversation, which never happened,” Rorn nodded. “Creos is our sister planet, they figured this only meant one thing. We were secretly giving support to Creos.”

“But why did they not attack Mansheon? Why did they go to Zi’inra?” Afterall, Mansheon and Creos are so close that their orbits periodically cause freak summers and winters against each other.

“That was their way of calling us out for our betrayal,” Pilot said. “They knew who we went to and they were stopping it at the source.”

“So they bombed Zennae.”

Rorn nodded. “They could’ve gone the quiet route with an assassination, but no, they had to bring civilians into this.”

“Or, you know, they could have not attacked at all!” I frowned.

“But they did,” Rorn shrugged, “and now we have this mess to clean up.”

I sat down, looking first out the window to the daylight, then to the patterned wall again.

“We’re thinking whatever Tawyn used on you is a little more effective than a healing agent.” Rorn pulled something out of a drawer, walked around the desk, and held it out to me. It was a small, ornate razor with a handle as colorful as the wall.

“What? No!” I leaned back as much as possible in the chair. I was not about to intentionally cut myself to confirm a suspicion!

“If you want to go on your little mission and for us to help you, you will do this.” He held it out again. “You will help us understand what Tawyn made for us.”

“Why do you not just ask him?”

“You’re here,” Pilot said, obviously closing a conversational door.

“If I don’t cut myself, you won’t go after the dymarul?”

“No, we will, but you will have no part in it.” Rorn leaned on the desk, still holding the razor. “You will be sent back to Zi’inra and no longer considered a Zega recruit.”

“Bit far, don’t you think?” Pilot casually stepped forward, speaking in a tone that suggested he was only mildly against Rorn’s ultimatum.

“Nope,” Rorn said. “The drive of any and all good members of Zega is curiosity, in all its forms, no matter the uncertainty. That’s why we needed the shu’serum in the first place. If she can’t even do this, what use is she to the program?”

That seemed irresponsible, and had to be an exaggeration. But still, I looked him in the eyes and breathed deep to build up my courage.

I grabbed the razor before I could talk myself back out and ripped it across the back of my hand.

“Sonofabitch!” Virtually throwing the blade away from me, I hugged the hand, making a fist and curling over it as tight as I could. It burned and stung and I could feel the blood beginning to seep into my shirt and pant leg.

Rorn leaned down. He pushed me back and took my hand, wiping the blood away with his, and stared at it. Pilot came around too, also staring at the cut I just gave myself. Helpless to do anything but wait, I looked at it too. Rorn wiped blood away a couple more times before pointing with a triumphant “Aha!”

And there, right before our eyes, the cut was healing. My jaw fell as it stitched together and we all stayed quiet over the minute it took to go away. If the blood wasn’t there, it would’ve looked like it never happened.

I reclaimed my hand and wiped and rubbed at it, unable to believe what I just saw, while the men turned to each other.

“It was faster that time,” Pilot said.

“It was just a cut, but if what you said was accurate…” Rorn trailed off, rubbing his chin.

My jaw remained in my lap as I kept wiping at my hand. “It’s gone! It healed! It’s gone!”

I looked around, looking for the razor. I had to see it happen again. I had to see it again!

Rorn and Pilot simply watched as I picked it up from our feet and dragged across my fist a few more times. Each cut healed faster than the last.

I survived my injuries on Zi’inra… because Tawyn made the greatest goddamn scientific breakthrough of all time, and he gave it to me. And it didn’t just work once, it worked again and again and again.

#original writing #writing #science fiction #extraplanetary

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