#I pulled out my external hard drive and went through some of my older files the other day

[youarejesting]

Femme: 29

[MASTERLIST]

Recap: Work is finished for the year. After yet another mishap walking home, Joon asked to speak with you. He had been stressed from a big case at work so you decided to try and relieve him. A blow job later, you visited Yoongi’s home studio and he helped you finish before helping himself. Jimin returned home, dinner with the fam. Once they leave you decided it is a good time to talk about your kinks and preferences as a group.

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature Themes.

Warnings: Smut, Oral, Blow job, Squirting, Masturbation, daddy/baby girl, praise kink, voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex, first time, deep throat, over stimulation, forced orgasm (if you squint really hard across a football field, you might see some Yoonmin), (if you turn your head ninety degree’s and shut your left eye, and then shut the right you might read some KookieMonster/NamKook), (If you shake your head back and forth and wave your hand in front of your face between you and your phone you might read some dirty talk)

Length: 4.2k words

Announcement: I just picked some standard kinks from a website that I thought weren’t too crazy or too boring.

“Alright well let’s go to the table and do this seriously, because it is going to be a long discussion” You breathed heading to your room to collect your paper. When you stepped out you saw Yoongi making coffee and hot chocolate while Jungkook was putting out some snacks.. You decided to sit at the head of the table and Namjoon took the opposite with his laptop. Looking around you started addressing some issues. “Nobody is allowed to make fun of, laugh or shame anyone for anything, feel free to add anything to your lists whilst we sit here because if I hear something that sounds interesting. I won’t hesitate to add it to my list.”

“What if something in our ‘Yes’ column is in your ‘No’ column”  Hoseok looked pretty nervous, you reached over the table taking his hand. Telling them all that everything is subject to change. They all seemed a little nervous looking around wondering who was going to read theirs first.

“Well I guess I will start, just so you can get an idea, let’s begin with the ‘Yes’ column. Everything leading to sex is not only okay but I would say required, that includes kissing and touching foreplay business” They all nodded, you could see Jungkook and Seokjin’s neck and ears going red. Namjoon was typing on his laptop agreeing with your words. “Oral both giving and receiving. Threesomes and group sex. Voyeurism and exhibitionism. Bondage and rough sex, both being tied and tying my partner up sounds fun. Female domination now i’m not saying I am good at it, but I am comfortable with trying it.”

Pausing letting your words sink in. The boys were shifting in their seats looking anywhere but at one another and fiddling with their paper. You smiled when you caught Namjoon’s eyes across the table, he nodded for you to continue. 

“Dirty talk and trying Experimental positions. Impact play, more specifically the idea of spanking seems fun, I don’t know about paddles or whips and I would currently at this moment limit the area’s of impact to my thighs ass. Role Playing sounds like a lot of fun. Lingerie makes me feel very pretty so that would be a nice experience. Sensation play, like music, blind folds or feathers seems very sensual. Shibari and Kinbaku, sounds like something I want to try. Daddy/Baby Girl and Kitten play. Toys are welcome. And the one I really like the idea of but you all may not is watching you boys together” 

You waited for Namjoon to catch up with typing and you looked at the boys who all looked a little weirded out at the mention of them being intimate with one another you giggled. A few however looked thoughtful contemplating the idea, but you didn’t let it linger for too long.

“Things that are in the ‘Maybe’ column as I am unsure if I will like them or they are something I would request you ask before trying and perhaps even ask before every time you wish to try. Include Anal Sex, Foot fetishism, Orgasm Control. Humiliation I may be fine with you calling me a degrading names but if you take it too far I might get upset. Gagging, I am scared I might actually vomit if you actively try but I am more than happy to try.”

“For The ‘No’ Column. Wax and Fire play, seems messy and dangerous. Electrostimulation. Water sports and Scat play. No way in hell am I wanting to use biological human waste in the bedroom it is messy and very unhealthy. But I would also like to say accidents happen and I understand that. I damn near cried when I thought I had peed myself this afternoon.”

“You were cute though, covering your face and apologizing. If it happens accidentally we would never be mad and we would still love you baby” Yoongi smiled up the table running his fingers along his bottom lip.

“What happened?” Jungkook asked trying to look between you and Yoongi.

“Namjoon was stressed so I gave him a blow job and Yoongi returned the favor to me, in the studio.” You said quietly and Taehyung’s mouth fell open.

“How was it?” Hoseok grinned asking Namjoon

“Amazing, better than anything you could dream of” Namjoon said “Women are amazing”

“She is so cute, and tastes amazing” Yoongi licked his lips moaning under his breath remembering the events from

“Very sensitive” Seokjin smiled

“You too?” Taehyung whined pointing at three of his hyungs “Baby bear me too, me too”

“Ya wait your turn I am the next oldest” Hoseok said and you laughed wholeheartedly at their argument over who got to be with you next.

“We only made out, with a bit of touching nothing more” Seokjin huffed “I should get a proper turn”

“I am not following a particular order. I am just living in the moment and trying to forget my worries about being intimate. If something feels good, I will try to let it happen, if I am not busy” You ran your hand through your hair watching them. They went around adding in new things they wanted to try, you added a few more to your list, your favorite was cock warming. 

“That sounds lovely, I would love to fall asleep that way.” A few of them seemed to squirm once more at the thought. You had established a safe word, looking fondly at the bracelet around your wrist. The safe word was ‘Bangtan’ which made Jungkook’s heart fluttering.

“And that’s everyone” Namjoon smiled saving the document to an external hard drive so he doesn’t accidentally get it mixed with his work documents. He printed a copy for the filing cabinet, in his office. 

“Well I am going to head to bed. Oh and I don’t work until after the New Year, Something about people not eating Ice Cream during Winter which is barbaric if you ask me?” You laughed trying to make your escape. Hoseok grabbed your arm pulling you onto his lap. You could feel how turned on he was just from the discussion. “Hey you can’t be selfish, if you do this in front of the boys you have to be willing to share” 

“We can share, isn’t that right boys?” He grinned running his hands up the front of your shirt, standing up you slipped away from his wandering hands. He looked curious after you, hoping he didn’t offend or scare you but still smiling brightly as part of him could tell from your body language you were being playful. 

You moved across the table to sit on Jungkook’s lap smiling at Hoseok. He pushed his tongue against his cheek at your action. The youngest was also sporting a rather large bulge in his pants and was rather flushed. Noticing their hungry eyes fall on you, a heavy feeling filled the room like a thick layer of pheromones calling out. Jungkook had his forehead pressed to your shoulder blade, panting heavily the hormones rushing to his head and frying his brain from all thoughts.

You were trying not to panic, your earlier promised to not worry was gone. This anticipation between the actions and words was hard to deal with. You weren’t in the moment enjoying yourself, you were worried about how to initiate this. They all seemed to be waiting for you to make a move or do something.

Busying yourself with cleaning up all the mugs from the table as nonchalantly as possible. Jungkook joined you packing away the snacks and throwing away any rubbish. “Kookie you should take a shower, you were working out”

“Don’t have too much fun without me?” He looked absolutely defeated his eyes turned down like a sad bunny, you could imagine ears flopping down by his head. Catching his arm before he could retreat down the hallway.

“We won’t do anything without you Jungkook” You assured him pulling him down for a kiss. He was quick to show enthusiasm and with all the practice he had every morning before work. He knew what you liked and wasn’t afraid to exploit it.

“Shower with me?” he whispered against your lips 

“I can, but we have to invite the other boys too” you thought for a moment squeezing his biceps.

“What are you two plotting?” Hoseok huffed

“Anyone who wants to come for a shower, let’s go” he gave a boyish grin at his hyungs throwing you over his shoulder and smacking your butt. “Come on yeobo, your our leading lady”

“I am so dirty, I was traveling all day on the train” Jimin shot out of his seat.

“I should probably shower too” Seokjin said heading to the bathroom, you couldn’t see them anymore as Jungkook continued down the hall.

“You already had a shower?” Taehyung accused the older male, you were laughing as Hoseok snuck up behind Jungkook and gave you a kiss whilst you hung from the maknaes shoulder.

“I got sweaty making dinner, and it’s bad for my beautiful face to be sweaty” The older male said dramatically appearing in the hallway

You were placed down in the middle of the bathroom. Jungkook stepped back unsure. Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon were the first to remove their shirts. Jungkook backed away behind the braver three, slowly pulling off his own shirt. Telling himself it was just like at the gym, some guys go shirtless when working out.

Yoongi noticed your expression stepping closer, turning your back to the boys to give you some privacy “Tell me what’s got you worried?��� His eyes scanning your face, Yoongi had spent most of his life observing never really participating and he learnt a lot from, enough to know that you were worried. 

“I am just nervous when everyone gives me time to think, If someone initiates this, I will be fine” You hummed it was stupid but you were just so unsure these were the boys you were to be with forever and you loved them to pieces, you didn’t want to ruin anything.

“Initiate how?” your cheeks flamed in embarrassment from his question, but he looked at you sincerely. His thumb brushing the pink tint on your cheek.

“Just if someone starts kissing me, I will be distracted and feel more confident to get undressed”

“Hoseok, c’mere” Yoongi’s Daegu accent slipped out and you licked your dry lips.

“I like your Daegu Satoori, it’s sexy” he nodded his mouth pressed together in a line Hoseok stopping beside you.

“I will keep that in mind kitten. Hobi, kiss her with everything you got” Yoongi slapped Hoseok’s ass. Hoseok reacted like he was a race horse at the starting gates. Lurching forward and pulling you in for a kiss. You kissed back feeling the anxiety melt away. 

Yoongi stood behind you his cool fingers were unbuttoning your shirt, sliding the material off your shoulders kissing your exposed skin. “Our kitten is very shy, she says that she gets anxious when she has to initiate things, she likes to be distracted because that’s when she becomes most confident”

You began removing your jeans and Hoseok moved to your neck. In the mirror, you saw the boys watching each had removed their shirts. Yoongi and  Namjoon were removing their trousers. You beckoned them all. Taehyung bounded over like a puppy turning in Hoseok’s arms. He enveloped you his big hands splayed across your back.

 He dove in for a kiss and you met him enthusiastically, pulling off his shirt and letting your hands trace his body as you had with Hoseok. Taehyung started trying to remove your bra but was struggling, you couldn’t help giggling into his mouth. 

He was pouting and whining about you laughing at him. Apologizing you reached behind you removing the offending brassier, tossing it behind Taehyung at the boys. His eyes widened comically and he froze staring at your breasts. A few of the other boys tried to look around Taehyung to get a glimpse.

The shower started running and it was then you noticed Yoongi had disappeared his clothes dumped onto the tiles where he once was standing. With a grin you ran your hand through your hair and headed to the shower opening the glass door, removing your underwear before stepping inside.

“Kitten you look delectable” Yoongi said under one of the many jets of water that seemed to come out from every angle. The shower seemed fitting for the eight of you. You stood under one of the water jets and wet your hair, the trickling of warm water eased your tense shoulders.  

“I see why the shower is so big now” Namjoon muttered stepping into the shower. Making sure not to look down just yet. You didn’t want to freak any of them out by staring at their junk, “how else would we all fit”

Jungkook was pushed in by Hoseok who was massaging Jungkook’s shoulders telling him to relax. Jungkook’s hands covering himself, everyone followed like an impromptu conga line. He must have been rather nervous he was the youngest and had already told you he felt inferior to his hyungs. Walking over you place your hand on his back leading him to the warm water. Pulling him against you feeling, his boner pressed between you and his lower abdomen. 

He kissed you like he would everyday at the park, his lips traveling to your neck you noticed all the guys watching and your thighs tightened around nothing. You had your work cut out for you. Seven hot blooded young men with healthy sex drives. You pressed him to sit on the built in shower seat, it was a long tiled bench that ran across the bottom half of the wall.

Dropping to your knees and breaking away from the kiss, you took him in your hand. He let out a small mewl at your touch his stomach muscles contracting. You saw him looking at the others nervously. 

“Don’t look at us, look at her, trust me you won’t want to miss it” Namjoon sighed, placing his hand behind Jungkook’s head and tilting it to face back down. You moaned at the sight.

You kissed his lips and telling Jungkook what you wanted to do. “Is that okay?”

“Yes” he said breathless before correcting himself “Uh please if you want to” 

He was so hard. Wrapping your fingers around his length, running your thumb over his head. You massage him slowly not in a teasing way but just fast enough for him to get used to the feeling, not wanting to rush him. Pumping his cock you lean down tasting the beads of precum that begin leaking with a long lap of your tongue. A groan gets caught in his throat for a second before rolling from his chest.

You finally feel like seven men isn’t such a challenge. Not when they make you feel so sexy. With your new found enthusiasm, you take him into your mouth trying not to send him over the edge just yet, but he is young and his groans become louder and more frequent. He bucks his hips and he can’t control himself burying himself deeply searching for warmth. You moan and try to relax feeling your gag reflex start to put up a fight but you breathed slowly through your nose and hummed trying to soothe the reaction. 

Your nose was pressed against his pubic bone the burn in your throat was like drinking Yoongi’s whiskey. A few stray tears mixing with the water from the shower. Grabbing his hips trying to control his pace so you had adequate time to breathe between thrusts. He was close, growling an animalistic sound as he came. The sight of him coming undone, made your own arousal spill down your thighs.

He let you go, his body shuddering as he was calming down and you coughed slightly, noticing Namjoon watching him. You sat beside Jungkook, kissing his neck and whispering to him making sure what he had experienced was okay. Once you were sure everything had gone well you looked up at the six pairs of eyes staring down at you. The throbbing between your legs becoming almost painful. They had been watching you and judging by each of their hard members they had liked what they saw.

Some of them were languidly stroking their hard cocks, while others were trying not to spoil themselves instead patiently waiting their turn. Seokjin makes eye contact winking at you, he steps over when Jungkook shakily stands. Some of the guys complain that it should be your choice who is next and he turned.

“Who is the oldest me or you?”

“You” they chorused

“So who should go next me or you?”

“You” they chimed again

He turned to you a devilish smirk on his full lips, he kisses you before he slips onto the floor in front of you. You blush causing him to chuckle. “You are so amusing, one moment you are a fiery minx, and the next you are blushing looking so innocent” he smiled opening your legs, shuffling forward he kissed you. His thumbs pressed along the undersides of your breasts and he squeezed them swallowing your whimpers.

He bent his head down to your chest. Seokjin’s tongue circling around your nipples. He took each in turn, you were unable to sit still as every pinch, lap and squeeze sent a buzz through your core. You were not quiet, making such provocative noises that bounced off the tiles. He smirked kissing the valley between your breasts and journeying south, pulling your hips forward for easier access.

He kissed your thighs, you saw Yoongi move out the corner of your eye. Turning to see him swiping his tongue across his bottom lip, his eyes meeting yours. A sharp pain spread through your thigh and you looked down Seokjin had sunk his teeth against your smooth skin. 

“You keep your eyes on me, I am not a patient man, I don’t like when people interrupt me while I am enjoying my meal” He soothed the mark he left with his tongue. Leaned down, his broad shoulders bumping your knees. He sighed against you, the heat of his breath so close to your heat made your stomach clench almost doubling over. He muttered about how his wide shoulder getting in the way. He tried again and frowned before grabbing your ankle and throwing one of your legs over his shoulder.

He dove between your legs, his tongue swirling around your clit as he buried his face between your folds. You noticed his hand between his leg, tracing his fingers along his length. He moaned a low ‘fuck’ and groaned so deeply the vibrations made your back arch,Your fingers curling into his hair as he smirked up at you. He was taking his time with himself but he didn’t waste a second with your own pleasure.

“What does she taste like, Jin-Hyung?” Jimin asked

“Sweet like Peaches and vanilla” he said against you, it wasn’t long before you shuddered, thighs quivering threatening to close on his face. your voice warning him but he continued pressing his tongue harder against your clit, his hand squeezing around his dick. He came quietly breathy, you were the opposite coming loudly. He panted laying his cheek against your thigh and closing his eyes for a second to catch his breath.

“I want to go next” Taehyung said you took a deep breath swallowing trying to relieve your dry throat. 

“We should probably hop out of the shower soon, we have used a lot of water” you muttered

“Taehyung rushed over, Wait I want to try with you in here please” you nodded  he sat beside you kissing you his tongue fighting with yours. He pulled a funny face, “you taste like Kookie”

You moaned against him as he kissed you he wasn’t slow, he was all about chasing pleasure and you liked that. He reached between your legs, slowly played with your clit, his fingertips were slightly calloused you suspected from growing up on a farm. He pressed a single digit inside of you. One finger became two and two became three, you winced slightly. Curling his fingers forward, your body twitched against his palm, he moved his fingers quickly. He was not precise he was just creating a mess. His lips were pressed to your neck biting and sucking the flesh creating deep bruises against your skin.

You felt the familiar pressure you had felt with Yoongi. But he stopped causing a cry of despair to paint your lips, he lifted his head from watching his fingers getting sucked inside of you to look at you. His warm breath fluttering against your neck. “Can I, be inside you” he asked

His cute phrase contrasted his dark look, you nodded letting him lift you onto his lap, your hands gripping his shoulder. One hand around the base of his cock the other guiding your hips down against him.

He pressed against you, but it wasn’t quite right, reaching between you to move him to the correct place. He tried to pull you down onto his lap, but stopped him removing his hands from your hips placing them on your breasts. “No, Tae. Go slow otherwise you could hurt me” You said taking his lip between your teeth and biting it, as you moved on your own.

Taehyung’s low moans were delicious, they alone had you clenching around him. Soon you were seated on his length resting your head on his shoulder. You moved yourself slowly leaning back so the curve of his shaft would press against your most sensitive sweet spots.

“Go ahead” You breathed he gripped your hips helping you ride him, you were glad you had stayed in the shower as this was messy. Your hips bouncing in the air wildly. He was growling to himself, words you couldn’t understand but the gravel in his deep voice was sexy. He finished inside you throwing his head back panting. He continued muttering against your skin leaving more marks behind, you began to comprehend what he was saying.

“So tight, ah”

You lifted yourself from his lap and felt his cum run down your inner thighs. Hoseok sat down beside Taehyung instantly pulling you onto his lap. Your back resting against his chest, he kissed your neck and spoke to you not quiet or subtle. He outright asked if he could fuck you. Lifting your hips as an invitation, he positioned himself at your entrance. impaling yourself on his hard cock with an ‘oof’. Namjoon turned off the shower, the steam kept the room warm as did your activities.

“Can you use your mouth pretty girl?” Hoseok asked you nodded telling him you would love to. He squeezed your thighs “Anyone want to try this pretty mouth?”

They looked at each other Jimin stepping forward making sure no one protested. You kiss him hard, his plush lips were so soft, his tongue brushing yours. He pulled back and you eagerly leaned forward and took him into your mouth. Hoseok set the pace, it was a strong rhythm and they both kept perfect time. 

They were in sync but totally different, Hoseok wanted to go faster gripping your hips and picking up the pace with grunts and agile hip thrusts. Jimin was whining. As much as he loved to get rough he wanted your first time together to be slow. Wanting to savor the feeling of you, wanting to tease you.

Yoongi hissed at the sight, as Jimin gripped your hair tightly, he was very attractive his features stunningly androgynous, Yoongi felt watching you both was becoming too much. Jimin’s eyes scrunched tight his head thrown back leaving his throat exposed, “I can’t” he whined “It’s too much”

Jimin was cumming, his body vibrating, you swallowed happy to watch him come undone. Yoongi had staggered over as Jimin rode out his orgasm. Yoongi’s accent thickened his words incoherent, it sounded like he was in pain his body straining to stand upright.

Jimin’s moans were like a throaty velvet and his whines were like a beautiful choir song echoing through the bathroom. Yoongi tried to say something again but got choked up as Jimin let out a long moan letting his head roll forward once more. Yoongi came hard, some landed on your face but most of it landed on Jimin’s abdomen. Removing Jimin from your mouth you licked his abdomen tasting Yoongi. But what you weren’t expecting was Jimin running a finger up his stomach and tasting him as well. The sight brought you to the edge, your walls clenching around Hoseok. Squirting over his lap, Hoseok’s hips stuttered and he came with a praise leaving his lips before laying his head back against the cool tiles.

Namjoon, walked over gently picking you up from Hoseok who looked absolutely spent. Before sitting you on his lap, he started talking to you, running his hands over your wet hair, moving it out of your face. “Hey baby, you did so good. You think you can take one more?”

“Of course daddy” You breathed slowly as he lifted you onto his dick, you were going to be sore tomorrow.

“Look how pretty you look stuffed with my cock, baby. I am going to fill you up so much, does that sound good?”

You squirmed as his thumb rubbed against your sensitive nub, you tried to pull away the sensations too much after just finishing your second orgasm of the night. The boys started the shower again and jerked off while watching you. “I can’t come again”

He ignored you and continued “I know you can, you can come again, your such a good girl”

You felt the tightness begin in your belly, you couldn’t sit still every touch, every thrust sent after shocks from your last orgasm through your body. 

He tried a few different techniques and soon, had you on the edge, he smirked praising you some more promising to fill you. Your orgasm hit you almost painfully, crying out, it wasn’t as nice as the first or as powerful as the second. This was forced but still amazing in it’s own way.

After the shower was a daze, you were dried and dressed with the help of the maknae’s and when you stepped out heading to bed you saw the lounge room had been converted two large mattresses covered the floor with blankets and pillows piled up. Hoseok put on your favorite movie and you fell asleep in Taehyung and Yoongi’s arms.

Femme Media 29

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Eenie Meenie Sicileeny Lyrics

Shawty is an eenie meenie miney mo lover' Shawty is an eenie meenie miney mo lover' Shawty is an eenie meenie miney mo lover' Eenie meenie miney moe Catch a bad chick by her toe If she holla (if, if, if she holla) let her go Eenie meenie miney moe Catch a bad chick by her toe If she holla (la la la la) let, let her. Shawty is an eenie meenie. Mia and Michelle demonstrate their new hand game.

Eenie Meenie Sicileeny Lyrics

Eenie Meenie Sicileeny Lyrics

Eenie meenie sicileeny, Ooh ah zambalini, Achi cachi Liberache, I love you, Take a peach, Take a plum, Take a stick of bubble gum, No peach, No plum, No stick of bubble gum. I saw you last night with your boyfriend How do you know I was peaking through the key hole Nosy I didn't wash the dishes Lazy I didn't wash up Funky I jumped out the.

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Notes

Diana Joy Leonard sang this song while growing up. She wrote me 'I was born in 1982 and grew up in NYC... This song replaces 'eenie meenie miney moe' for making 'decisions', i.e. point to one of the options for each word until you get to the end.' Another New Yorker wrote: '...growing up in NYC, queens to be specific, my sisters and I used to sing this song as a hand clapping game, with the following additional verses...' I saw you last night with your boyfriend How do you know I was peaking through the key hole Nosy I didn't wash the dishes Lazy I didn't wash up Funky I jumped out the window You must be crazy That's why they call me... Eenie meenie sicileeny, Ooh ah zambalini, Achi cachi Liberache, I love you, Take a peach, Take a plum, Take a stick of bubble gum, Not a peach, Not a plum, Not stick of bubble gum. ***** Amy wrote, 'I am a born and bred Wisconsinite (at age 18 just now), and that was one of my favorite counting-out rhymes. We put our feet in a circle and used that chant (and several others) to choose who would be 'it' for games of tag or hide and seek. However, our version went a bit differently, and I thought you might be interested in seeing it. Eeny, meany, tortellini Beep, bop, bopellini Etchy-sketchy, liver-etchy I like you. Take a peach, take a plum Take a stick of chewing gum Stick it here, stick it there Stick it in your teacher's hair No more school, no more books No more teachers' dirty looks Yeah.

[obsessedauthorchan-blog]

Shakespearean - Chapter 26

Title: Broken

A/N This is the song I was listening to when I wrote this chapter. It’s just somber enough for the beginning and just hopeful enough for the end.

Jason was reading a book Dick had brought him when the door to his hospital room opened. It was a few hours after Babs (it was weird to call her that now) had left, and Dick had fallen asleep in the chair next to the bed. He had expected the person who just entered to be the nurse who came to check in on him every couple hours, so he looked up with a smile. But when he saw that it was not actually the nurse but Tim who had come into his room, the smile slowly faded away.

He had wondered if he would come. It was already afternoon and he'd been in the hospital for almost 24 hours by then. The fact that his boyfriend was only then coming to see him didn't seem to bode well for Jason, or for his relationship.

Instead of being the first to speak, Jason remained silent, staring at Tim. He had come to see Jason, so let him be the one to talk first. As he stared, Jason realized that Tim looked like shit. Dark bags under bloodshot eyes, wrinkled clothes hanging from his frame, a messenger bag hanging from his shoulder, and his hair a rat's nest - it looked as though Tim hadn't slept at all since he woke up the day before.

Tim swallowed and smiled shyly. "Hi," he said, and it was so quiet that it was almost a whisper.

"Hi back," Jason returned. They waited in another silence, Jason wanting Tim to talk and Tim afraid to do so.

"How are you feeling?"

Jason snorted. "Probably about how you look. Didn't sleep?"

Tim shook his head. "Couldn't."

Jason nodded, though he really didn't understand. "Surprising. You couldn't sleep, but you were the last member of your family to show up to see your own boyfriend in the hospital." Even Damian had come, dragged in by Bruce, and Cassandra had stopped by to say hi, though Jason had a really hard time signing anything to her with the cast on his arm.

Tim said nothing, but Jason swore he could see his lips quivering. Jason closed his eyes, trying to block out the image of Tim on the verge of tears. "Why?" he whispered. He needed to know why Tim hadn't come. He needed some reason to blame for it, or else he'd start to blame himself.

It took Tim a moment to answer, and when he did Jason opened his eyes in surprise. "I was working on this." Tim hesitantly stepped closer to the bed and held out the messenger bag to Jason, who took the bag with the arm that wasn't broken. He laid it on the bed and opened it, pulling out a brand new, very expensive looking laptop. 

He looked up at Tim with confusion. "What's this?"

Tim cleared his throat. "It took a while, but I managed to save most of the files off your hard drive. All your essays and documents for journalism are on there. Clark helped me know what to look for to find the important stuff. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to save most of your cache of anime. Sorry about that," he said, a tight-lipped smile on his face that didn't show in his eyes.

Jason internally smiled at the memory of Tim saving his poor laptop from all those viruses. Externally, he didn't make any expression at all, unsure of how he was really feeling in that moment. "And where did this laptop come from?"

"I got it for you. Your old one was totaled, and I figured it was the least I could do." Tim shrugged and refused to make eye contact.

"Because you're breaking up with me." It wasn't a question. Jason had known from the moment Tim had walked in with that sad look in his eyes. Jason had known when Tim walked into the room and didn't immediately pull him into a fierce hug.

Jason had known when Tim didn't come to the hospital once in the whole 14 hours he'd been unconscious. "It's the least you could do because you're breaking up with me."

Tim didn't say anything, and Jason sighed harshly. "You're not fooling me, Timmy. I've been in the hospital for almost 24 hours and you're only now coming to see me. I've spent this whole conversation waiting for you to say it."

Tim cocked his head to the side, a mock hurt expression on his face. "You think I'm cliche enough for 'We need to talk'?"

Jason rolled his eyes. "You took me to a roller rink for our first date, and then we shared a milkshake at a diner. Yes, Tim, you are definitely cliche enough."

Tim sighed, an expression on his face that Jason couldn't quite read. "I wasn't going to say 'we need to talk'." He hesitated for a moment. "I was going to say, 'It's not you, it's me.' That is a completely different cliche."

If he was on the outside looking in, Jason might have laughed. Instead, his shoulders drooped and he looked away from Tim to the other side of the room. "Figures. That was always my least favorite." Jason huffed and shook his head. "It was always the most selfish, it was always the least honest, and it always made the least sense." He turned to look at Tim, accusation and anger evident in his face. "Tell me, Tim, what is it about us that's wrong that's you and not me? What's changed since I told you about my past that could possibly be you and not me? If you're going to break up with me, at least be honest about why."

Tim gaped at Jason, trying to come up with a response, but Jason didn't give him the chance to say anything. "How exactly do you define love, Tim? Because yesterday you told me you love me, and it doesn't make sense to me that somebody would dump somebody they love because something bad happened to them that they couldn't control or prevent. It doesn't seem like love for somebody to break up with someone because they were raped as a child. That doesn't compute for me, so please, Tim, explain to me what love is, because I don't seem to get it."

At this point Jason was on the verge of tears, and he noticed that Tim already had them streaming down his face. The younger man took a halting step toward Jason, his hand reaching out toward him, before he abruptly stopped and jerked his hand back like it had been burned. "You think-" Tim choked on his words, but he swallowed and forced himself to speak. "You think that this is because of you? You think that I could ever stop loving you or leave you because of something like that? Because of a traumatic past?" Tim shook his head. "I saw my parents get brutally murdered when I was 8 and spent the next 3 years staring at the crime scene photos until Bruce and I caught the guy who did it. Believe me, I know about trauma," he ranted, letting out a near hysterical laugh, which woke Dick with a start. The poor guy was so surprised he fell out of the chair and hit the ground hard. He groaned and rubbed his head with his hand.

"Great, now I have a concussion." Then he looked up and noticed the tension between Tim and Jason. The older man swallowed and stood up. "I'm just gunna... um, you know what, I'll be in the hallway." He scampered out the door, the boys' eyes following as he went.

As soon as the door closed behind him, they looked at each other once more. "Then what is it, Tim?" Jason asked, barely managing to keep himself from yelling in his frustration. “Why?”

Tim sighed, quite dramatically if you ask Jason. "Because, Jason. You are broken. You are hurting. And I have no idea how to help you, because I am broken too. You deserve someone who can help you, who can be whole for you, and I can't. I can't do that, and I'm not sure I ever will. You deserve more than me, and you-"

"Bullshit."

Tim blinked, taken aback by Jason's interruption. "Excuse me?"

"I said bullshit." Jason held eye contact with Tim as he forced himself to stand up on the floor in front of Tim.

Tim shook his head. "Jason, you shouldn't be standing. You need-"

"Don't tell me what I need, Tim, because clearly you don't know.” The words were spoken barely louder than a whisper, Jason refusing to be the one to yell in this situation. “I didn't need a laptop to be here for me when I woke up for the first time after blacking out as my former mentor tried to rape me. I needed you to be here when I woke up. I don't need somebody who's got their life all together and has never had anything bad happen to them, because then how the hell would they understand what I'm going through or what it feels like to lose everything?" Jason reached out and cupped Tim's face with the hand on the arm that wasn’t broken. Tim hesitated to meet his eyes, staring at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, Jason's chest, and anything else that wasn't Jason's eyes. "Maybe we're Pangaea."

Tim squinted. "What?"

"Pangaea. You know, that super-continent or whatever. Maybe when you look at us individually, we just look like broken pieces with jagged edges." Jason's thumb smoothed away some of the tracks of tears that still streamed down Tim's face. "But when you put us together, the pieces fit. Maybe we're supposed to be broken together."

Tim took a ragged breath, and he didn't move or speak for a moment. But then he flung his arms around Jason's middle and buried his head into his clavicle. "I'm sorry," he choked out as he cried harder. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. I-" He was unable to finish the sentence because he was crying too hard.

Jason wrapped his arm around Tim's back and pulled him in tighter, setting his chin on Tim's head. He wished he could put both of his arms around him, but one would have to do for now. Ignoring his own tears, he shushed Tim's quiet whimpers. "It's okay, baby. It's okay. You're here now."

"I love you so much," Tim whispered into Jason's shirt, and Jason couldn't help the small, sad smile that graced his lips.

"I love you, too, Timmy." Jason moved back to the bed, coaxing Tim to come with him. Then he laid back down on the bed and pulled Tim down with him so that the younger man's head rested on Jason's chest. He did his best to move the new laptop out of harm’s way and did what he could to make the two of them comfortable. Tim was still crying, letting out all the worry and sadness of the past two days. Tim's tears broke Jason's heart, and he continued to wipe them away until they both fell asleep.

#Shakespearean #chapter update #jaytim #chapter 26 #timjay #angst #angst and resolution #hurt/comfort #hurt and comfort #sort of a break up? #it isn't very long #they break up and get back together in the same chapter #so i don't know if that counts

[bedlamsbard]

Nothing written today. At least I opened my Word docs.  *flips hand*  Slowly coming out of my fic binge, thank gods, since I hit the point of “if I read five more fics where I end up going but I would have done it differently” I was on the verge of tipping over into actually writing something and I am busy in another fandom THANK YOU.  Finally watched Friday’s Bad Batch episode, at least.  (It was fine.  I think BB makes literally the most boring choices possible.  TCW and Rebels occasionally went completely batshit (even in S1 of both!) and nothing in the animated shows since has ever matched, but at least Resistance and TCW S7 were occasionally interesting about it.)  (I do not consider S7 to be part of TCW S1-6.)  (Being really bored with my main fandom’s current offerings is not helpful when I am trying to avoid tripping into writing another fandom, lol, even if I did do Narnia for the first time in seven years the other week.)  Did laundry, answered an e-mail I should have sent like a month ago, Sunday Zoom, got a batch of bad comments on Gambit about Padme being a cheating slut, again, which is not helping with how put-off I am on Star Wars at the moment.

#I haven't written in a fandom other than sw or narnia since 2013 #I pulled out my external hard drive and went through some of my older files the other day #I'm not I want to work on crown I'm just really...tired...and it was nice to feel excited about something #daily fic snippet

[scottdavenportphoto]

MacPaw's CleanMyMac X For Photographers

When I buy a Mac, I plan to get 3 or 4 years of solid use out of it. I max out the processor speed, the graphics card, fill it full of memory. Modern software continues to push the envelope of what the hardware can do, and it’s only a matter of time before my once speedy, shiny machine is looking long in the tooth.

My current iMac is 3 years old now. It runs pretty well, although I notice sluggishness from time to time. I’ve read articles on tidying up a Mac system and steps to take to keep it running at its peak performance. The problem is… I forget all the various steps and subsystems to go visit, because I don’t do it very often.

I’d read good things about MacPaw’s CleanMyMac X and decided to give it a try. In short, I’m quite happy with how it works and how easy it makes it to tidy up my Mac. If you have an aging Mac or are looking for a simple tool to monitor and scrub your Mac, download the free trial and check it out for yourself. If you’re running on Windows, MacPaw also has a CleanMyPC app as well. I haven’t tried it (I’m a Mac user) although I expect it works very similarly to the Mac version.

I did tweak the settings a little from the point of view of a photographer. There are certain features that either aren’t the best fit for my photo library. There are areas of my computer I simply don’t want any software other that my photo tools touching. I have details on the tweaks I made below, and I recommend making customizations before you run the initial scan. CleanMyMac won’t do anything destructive without my say-so… but hey, call me paranoid… when it comes to my photo library, I am very protective!

Basic Scan & Clean

The software is very simple to use. The first time CleanMyMac is launched, you execute a “Smart Scan” of your computer. It’s primarily looking for old or unnecessary cruft on your computer. One of the things that can slow down a system is an overly full hard disk. There are also a set of maintenance scripts and other under-the-hood cleanup tasks you can kick off, too.

Sure, I can empty the Trash… that’s straightforward and something I do periodically anyway. I liked how CleanMyMac rooted out things like older Mail attachments and other system junk. There are likely ways to clean mail accounts and find other unnecessary system files - but I don’t remember what they are. My brain can only hold so much information on how to run my computer, and I prefer to use those brain cells for photography related things. I appreciate how CleanMyMac pulls all of the scattered cleanup tools into a single interface.

Finding Large & OLD Files

Another strong feature of CleanMyMac is finding large and old files. For non-photographers, I think this feature is very useful. For the photography crowd, it’s less so. Most of my photo library is considered “old”. I have photos dating back decades, and I want to keep them. Also, many of my photo files are considered “large”. My Lightroom catalog is large (not the photos, just the catalog itself). It’s not uncommon at all to have Photoshop PSD files that are hundreds of megabytes in size, or even gigabytes. I also work a lot with video (if you haven’t checked out my photography videos on YouTube, have a peek!). Video files are large. 4K video files are huge. Video projects in Final Cut Pro or ScreenFlow are massive.

I’d welcome some improvements in CleanMyMac to filter certain types of files, like RAWs and PSDs. Or to tailor what’s considered “old” and doing so on a hard drive or folder basis. I do have a workaround - limit what CleanMyMac scans. More about that in a bit.

Login Items

If you’ve ever owned a computer for more than a couple of years, you’ve experienced the ever-expanding menu bar phenomenon. As applications come and go from your computer, some of those menu bar options never seem to go away. What’s even worse… there are sometimes little helper programs running to fuel these menu bar items. Often, these helpers launch at login. CleanMyMac lets you root them out and turn off the helpers you don’t need.

In the Optimization area, a list of login items is presented and you can disable the things you don’t want. CleanMyMac really shines here. In the screenshot I have in this article, only the two enabled items show up in the OS X System Preferences app. The two I have circled in blue I disabled via CleanMyMac. I have no idea where or how MacPaw found these things. I know they’re on my computer, and I know I don’t need them every time I log in.

Customizations For Photographers

Ok, Scott. So what about those customizations you made? There are two changes I made in the CleanMyMac X preferences.

I disabled the “Enable CleanMyMac Menu” in the Menu tab. Why? I just went through the trouble of tidying up my login items, and I don’t want another service running and taking up resources. One item I initially found confusing is the bold “Features are disabled because CleanMyMac is running from a disk image” warning in the Menu preference tab. At first, I thought I was running from one of those “dmg” disk image files. Nope… I wasn’t. All it means is the features in the Health and Monitoring area and Instruments area are grayed out. These are only available when the menu option is enabled. There is still an itty-bitty process that runs and periodically reminds me when it’s time to scan my Mac and see if things need cleaning. I’m good with that. I don’t need the entire CleanMyMac interface available to me at all times. For me, I want to maximize every resource I have to my photo apps.

I put my photo and video library on the Ignore List. Remember I said I was paranoid? I look for an ignore list or blacklist in any software that does scans of my computer. I added the folders holding my Lightroom catalog and the entire external drive with my photo library to the ignore list. I added my Movies folder for good measure since moves are typically large files.

Key Takeaways

CleanMyMac X is useful for me. I’ll be keeping it. It centralizes various upkeep and tidying tasks I’d otherwise have to re-learn every time I needed to clean up my machine. I also really like how it roots out those otherwise hidden login items.

It’s also got additional features like malware removal (which I hope I never need). And maybe improvements will come in the large and old files arena that will make it more useful, or more tailored, for photographers.

So… give CleanMyMac X or CleanMyPC a try for free. What have you got to lose? … except a few gigabytes of old cruft from your computer :-)