#I showed this person a couple of my non fanfic pieces

[wavesmp3]

#OKAY AND WHEN I CRY WHAT THEN #not to be sappy but uh this was so sweet and lovely to hear #me.txt #I showed this person a couple of my non fanfic pieces #i showed him the paragraph that i posted on my other old blog and today i want to burst into flames #which the paragraph was about him hence the reason I showed him #but it was out of context so it easily could have read like notes all poetry lol #but when I spoke to him about it later. he was like. I knew that there had to be more and this couldn't have been a one time thing #anywyas #the point is #that text means a lot to me #*notes app poetry

[utilitycaster]

(Long ask warning)

Hello! I'm jumping on the appreciation train to say thank you so much for all of your meta and analysis! I just found your blog today, and you've already given me so much clarity and context for things I've been noticing in the CR fandom lately.

I quite literally spent my summer living under a rock (in the woods leading spelunking for scouts!) and so was completely out of the loop from early June through September. And while I am not yet caught up (I'm about to start ep. 65), I have been going through the tags and ao3, because I primarily engage with fandom through fic and I don't care about spoilers. And I can't help but notice that everything being written for c3 lately is just... monochromatic. The Hells have such interesting characters and premises. One would think they're ripe for creative and interesting fic. And yet even what little gen fic that I have seen since returning to civilization has largely been boiled down to reiterative mush with vaguely shippy overtones. I can totally see this being indicative of the cresting and waning of the Imodna and Callowmore shipping you've been discussing.

I've gotta ask though, is it really just shipping that is causing this problem? Or is there something else in the source material that you think could be affecting fic in particular?

This is the first time I've been in a fandom with ongoing source material in over a decade. I'm used to watching people beat dead horses in their own little corner, safe in the knowledge that I can block them and it isn't going to affect my experience in the slightest. I guess I'm just having a hard time believing/remembering that shipping can be this incidious.

So a couple of things: first, I was not heavily involved in fandom until Critical Role; I have a decent amount of background knowledge from being on Tumblr and because I do tend to look into/research this kind of thing because it's very interesting to me, but you will probably have better snapshot of what fandom looked like 10 years ago than I do. Second, fanfic has always been a tiny aspect of what I've engaged with and I do find the bulk of it to be dull and samey (which is why it is a tiny aspect), so again, you probably are a better judge of the quality of fanfic elsewhere.

With that said, as part of a much larger discussion of which I only have as mentioned pieces of the puzzle, I do think there's been a shift over the past decade or so of like...people expecting the source material to reflect fanfic-y desires, and resenting it when it does not; people not seeing the point in enjoying non-canon ships; and a broader theme of self-infantilization. This has to a small extent spilled over into published fiction, though thankfully there's plenty that isn't that. It's not just shipping (though that absolutely can be insidious to the point that people have been harassed and doxxed over it); I think it's a general taste for pablum that has been growing within fandom spaces.

I'll link a few posts I've made and a source that, while I cannot vouch for it per se I did read and found enlightening at the end but I think a really indicative example as of late was the fandom response to the show Good Omens (spoilers for Good Omens S2 in the next link if you are by any chance avoiding those). Obviously do not do anything obnoxious to the person who wrote this question, but there are a worrying number of people in fandom spaces who believe this unironically and uncritically: fiction exists to "save us from hurtful reality." And I do understand that the tumultuous politics and world events of the past decade are probably a factor; but I mean, have you looked at literature from the first half of the 20th century (or like. the second half, for that matter)? It is, in my opinion, only going to help put our modern world and issues in better context and honestly make you feel better in the long run if you read, say, The Great Gatsby or The Things They Carried instead of burying your head in lower case song lyrics ... (hurt/comfort, fix-it, happy ending, 6k) and like, to be clear, I have written a small portion of lower case song lyric-titled fics myself but most of them aren't terribly happy, and even so, god I'd be horrified if that was all people were reading.

We've seen it across fandom at large with the polls; I have not watched season 2 of Our Flag Means Death in part because I've realized with horror that this mentality has swept, plague-like, through that fandom; people are acting like having a canon queer ship on a small premium cable show in 2022 is world-changing and unprecedented while also kind of ignoring everything that isn't the central ship (including valid criticisms of how this takes a real-world plantation owner and turns him into a goofy fop, how there's precious few female characters and none in the main cast, and how the actually far more groundbreaking nb character is pushed aside in favor of the core M/M ship). Spoilers for Good Omens again (sorry in advance, Good Omens 2 was a realization point for me how deeply and widely this rot has set in in some places and I have a bunch of sources of people being like "guys stories require conflict and tension to be good" in response to the overwrought moaning that the story wasn't unambiguously happy) but this is another author responding to the "the desired endpoint of all fiction is obviously to have your ship living in a small house together in bliss and anything else is torment" mentality.

In addition to shipping another factor is, I think, people overidentifying with characters and as such being reluctant to actually put them through any sort of hardship, however minor. I recently reblogged a post about the origin of the concept "Mary Sue" and it led me to read a bit about its history, because it was in fact created by women. It was a woman in the Star Trek fandom who was sick of spending money to buy fanzines (pre-common home internet, let alone pre-Ao3) only to find the vast majority of the stories to be this "here is my self-insert who is perfect and beautiful and pure and every other character thinks she is the greatest even if that's entire OOC". It was a frustration with the abandonment of the characterizations in the original work. And that's true today - I have read a popular Imogen and Laudna fluff fic to see what the deal was and it stripped out so much of their premises and characterizations it was unrecognizeable as them but for the hair colors and occasional cringeworthy attempts to replicate Southern US dialect - but what was notable is that those people were at least being honest and writing OCs (though to be fair a lot of them were also young white teen girls and the only woman in TOS was black and that was probably also a factor). Now, you get people who cannot tolerate any analysis of characters that is less than flattering because instead of having an OC, they are identifying so strongly with, for example, Imogen or Ashton, that they cannot separate out the real character or understand this is not an attack on them (or, to be blunt, as someone who sees some of my own worse traits in both those characters, a necessary critique). It's not shipping, but it is that same "fiction should only ever be a soft blanket or a flattering mirror, never a dark mirror and certainly never a door" mentality.

I do place a little blame on fanfiction itself; I think having something that is roughly made to order and tells you exactly what it is up front means people start to think that is the only way, and that's why we have people claiming Chipotle is the height of cuisine while making gagging noises at the authentic Mexican restaurant except for fiction. I think fanfiction can be great; it's fun to write and I have read some great pieces. But a lot of it is mush and formulaic and as that Mary Sue history points out, always has been.

So anyway, to Bells Hells: I think past campaigns also had a lot of dull fanfiction; I think the Nein lent themselves more to poorly written angst than poorly written fluff but yeah a lot of that was really samey and bland in its own way. Fanfiction has always been formulaic to a degree but I think we're starting to see the generation of people who really have read more of that than like, books, and sure there are shitty books, but man there's a LOT of shitty fanfiction, and increasingly, I find that shitty published books are bad because they're too much like fanfiction. [If I get the chance today I have a post I want to write about the ignorance of fantasy tropes in the current fandom which I think is also driving some of this and which I alluded to in my post about shipping; like, I feel the almost automatic but oddly thought-free resistance to gods and fate and the 'right' way to respond to a tragic backstory comes from this ignorance; this also is a case in the D20 fandom when they've dipped into sci fi.] Shipping definitely is a factor, and I think again C3 has an influx of fans primarily here to ship in that "my ship must become canon and must 'win' for some arbitrary definition thereof" which is probably why so much of the fanfic sucks, but again, this is a larger self-infantilizing and entitled mentality that goes beyond mere ships.

Further reading (mostly my own posts but not exclusively)

The fandom echo chamber (also Good Omens spoilers in a broad sense), not by me

Some discussion on queerphobia being inserted only as a tool to assist with specific shipping narratives (I think this ties in again to like. people need obstacles to justify why the characters aren't already in their cottage by the sea but once the characters are together they discard these obstacles even if they are systemic and would still exist, which makes for really bad fanfic bc it's clearly poorly plotted and thought out)

Me on why this campaign isn't good for shipping but a lot of the fandom showed up primarily to ship (might be the post that prompted this ask tbf)

Fandom monocropping (not my post)

My treatise on Imogen and Laudna specifically which honestly, even now that they are canon, still largely holds up re: the fandom and a related one about similarly fluff-centric Change is Evil and the highest order of fiction is Two Blorbos In A House With Zero Problems mentality (not by me but I've been part of that discussion)

#answered #Anonymous #long post

[ripplestitchskein]

I decided to kill two birds with one stone (strangely appropriate considering) and make my fanfic into a comic! I think I’ll be doing both, a traditional fanfic on Ao3 and a comic version to go along with it since I have a lot written more traditionally already.

I’m trying to take any opportunity I have to practice art for my own original web toon and while I’ve been doing some characters from my regular DND game in addition to the character designs for Thrash and Yuri I can’t let go of this idea of doing a Stolitz one. I’m going to share my OG comic work and my DND stuff here too ofc but I’m super excited about playing around in this universe in a way I haven’t in my previous fandoms. I have never made fanart before that first piece, which while it wasn’t received as I hoped I super enjoyed making it and learning from it so I see this as another opportunity to do more of that.

One of the things I’ve loved most about joining this fandom, in addition to meeting some lovely and super smart people, is seeing the journey of an independent artist. I watched a video on a relatively small channel of an art teacher at the school she went to of baby VivziePop showing her sketchbook in college like 10 years ago and it was so lovely to see Angel and Alastor featured there and see how long she has spent working on these characters. As an older person who firmly believes you can do new things at any age (see roller derby, see art journey, etc) seeing a creator really find such a huge level of success in their 30’s is just super validating? You can get caught up in the “I should I have done this when I was younger, what’s the point now” mindset and that just ain’t it fam.

I struggle a lot with wanting things to be exact and drawing humans is so hard so it’s been really freeing to play around with someone else’s character designs, translate their style into my own, and practice drawing from reference in a more simplistic and forgiving medium like a cartoon show. It’s teaching me to simplify my own work, it doesn’t have to be this elaborate semi-realistic thing. I think I’m mostly learning the art of simplifying more than anything else with this.

I also want to play around with animation a bit in future too but that’s a project for another day. But here’s some non-rendered initial panels I did last night based on the Full Moon gif and I’m excited to share the first couple pages in the coming weeks.

#stolitz #Steffie does art #webcomic #helluva boss #vivziepop

[whump-lover-and-reader]

Whump Fic:

‹Jung Eui Sung gets drugged at the bar›

Leverage Team starts what they think is just nother job, but… the person they're after turns out to be far more dangerous than they expected initially, and Jung Eui Sung learns that far too late.

Tags: one shot, whump, hurt/comfort, non-consesual touching, non-consensual drug use, date rape drug/roofies, attempted kidnapping, implied/referenced rape/non-con, unconsciousness, protective caretaker

Word count: 7,180

A/N: my first attempt of writing an original fanfic that is in canon universe. I hope it makes sense👍 it took me quite a lot of courage to post pls be nice

[Ao3 link]

 “This time,” said the team leader, Lee Tae Joon, looking at each member of his team at the briefing table, “we’re going to be a little more spread out than usual.”

Their new target’s name was Kim Dae Kyung. How the team had found him was a little bit different story than most of their cons.

A few days ago Tae Joon ran into his old classmate, a woman named Hye Soo. He remembered her as a wonderful, kind girl, and as an adult she hadn't changed. But one look at her and he could tell that she was not doing great.

“Let's find somewhere to sit down, and you can tell me everything,” he said. Tae Joon decided then and there he was going to do everything he could to help this woman.

They settled in a random little cafe, and Hye Soo shared her story.

Just a week ago she had everything. She was to marry a nice guy from whom she was having a baby, and just the mention of a baby touched Tae Joon’s heart, since he used to be a parent himself. But it turned out, that guy was only after her money. He stole everything from her, even her home.

“He gave me a week to find a new place to live,” she said, “and it's already up. Now I don't have anywhere to go!”

Tae Joon put a hand on her shoulder, but before he could say anything, she continued:

“But it's only a half of the story. As I was searching for a new house, I found this guy,” and at this point Tae Joon already could piece together the rest of the story, but he still let Hye Soo continue. “He had a small company with a few employees. He said they helped families in crisis. He promised new housing cheap and quick. I should've known it was too good to be true... But I was desperate. And he even showed me the apartment, and the documents, and everything, so I thought it might be safe.”

“He conned you.”

Hye Soo nodded, defeated. “When I went to the new apartment the next day, there were people living there. And they said they hadn't heard anything about it being sold to anyone, and even promised to call the police if I didn't leave.”

She then went quiet, and Tae Joon spoke with confidence.

“It’s settled then. We’re going to help you.”

“We?”

Tae Joon smirked. “I know a few people…”

***

Tae Joon graciously offered her to stay at his place while he himself crashed at the headquarters. Not the most ideal solution, but it was only temporarily, until they dealt with the dirtbags accordingly.

After that he introduced Hye Soo to the team, and together they planned out their course of action.

First of all, Soo Kyung and Tae Joon posed as a married couple that were expecting a child in the future and were in desperate need of a new home to get the scammers' attention. They threw the bait and waited until they could meet the agents of this "company".

After that they had to figure out how to get the leader of the company, a man named Kim Dae Kyung. They decided to get more evidence of his crimes and hand him over to the police, which was the least risky and the most effective way of doing away with him. That meant going through his personal belongings and probably blackmail.

But getting the much needed information was so much harder considering their target was a literal hermit. The only times you could catch him outside his house were when he would meet his new clients or unwind in a bar.

Which had brought them to this moment.

“What do you mean spread out?” Eui Sung asked.

“Since it's so hard to catch the right moment, we have to act as quickly as possible. And that means... everyone will have to play their part at the same time, but we'll all be in different locations.”

He then explained that he and Soo Kyung would have a meeting with the agents of the company, allowing the other three to go after the head, Kim Dae Kyung.

“Na Byeol, you will search his house. Find anything and everything that could incriminate him,” he said, and Na Byeol nodded. “Our target only goes out to the bar for a short break, so you’ll have limited time. And that’s where you,” he pointed at Eui Sung, “will play your part. You will have to go in and distract him as long as you can.”

“Me? Wait, what do you want me to do?”

“You’re going to be just another customer who decided to strike up a conversation. Talk to him, stall him, prevent him from going home as long as you can to give Na Byeol time.”

For some reason Eui Sung’s palms started to sweat.

The thought of having to spend one-on-one time with their target, especially after the last time he was forced to be on his own with their targets involuntarily came to mind, of course, didn’t bring him any comfort. His strengths were technology and surveillance, backing his team up from afar, opening all doors for them, only occasionally providing help as minor characters. Not directly interacting with the target, especially when he didn’t have his teammates right behind him.

“W-wait, why me? Why not Roy?” he pointed at the other man. “Surely he fits better. He has more, uhh… natural charisma?”

Roy quirked an eyebrow at that, and Soo Kyung giggled quietly.

“Because you are generally more, you know, amiable looking. Let’s just say I think it would be better if Dae Kyung was approached by someone… less intimidating,” Tae Joon said.

Eui Sung made a confused face, and Na Byeol laughed out loud. He then realized that the insinuation here was that he was just naturally giving off an impression of someone who couldn’t stand up for himself, and he was slightly offended.

“Hey, I can be intimidating!” he pouted.

“The only thing you can intimidate is maybe your breakfast,” Na Byeol smirked and high fived Roy, which has only brought Eui Sung more annoyance at his situation.

“Besides,” Tae Joon continued, not paying their bickering any mind, “Roy will have a different mission. He’ll be the one driving you both to your respected locations and back. Since Dae Kyung’s house is in a very closed off neighborhood, others might get very suspicious of a van waiting around. So instead Roy will wait under the bar and only pick up Na Byeol when she’s ready.”

“So, he’s going to be nearby?” Eui Sung asked, perhaps with a little more enthusiasm than he wished to reveal.

“What are you so worried about, Hacker?” Roy suddenly asked.

“Well, you know… Who knows what could happen…” he thought back to last time, when after he was done with his part and still got got.

“You get to just relax at a bar, what could there possibly be to be scared about?”

Eui Sung didn’t know what to answer. What was he scared about? There was nothing concrete, he just had a bad feeling, but he already had bad feelings most of the time, so he said nothing. He hated to admit it, but he was acting unreasonably in that situation. He really had nothing to complain about.

Roy, on the other hand, was surprised at the lack of a response from Eui Sung. His question was meant as a teasing, but he realized that the other must be genuinely worried, so he decided to lay off for now. Later he would regret his words said in that particular moment. He should’ve listened to his worries, probably should’ve offered to switch places, since he understood very well that the jokes about Eui Sung’s helplessness weren’t particularly unfounded. But at the time it didn’t seem too important, and they were much more concerned with preparing Tae Joon and Soo Kyung for their performance than anything else. So this conversation was long forgotten.

-линия перерыва-

All too quickly came the evening to put their plan into action.

Tae Joon and Soo Kyung had already left, and Roy had already dropped Na Byeol off at the target’s house and was on his way to the bar to leave Eui Sung to do his thing.

He stopped the van in front of the entrance to the bar, and Eui Sung stood up to reluctantly exit.

“You’re going to be outside, right?” he asked Roy.

“Yes, I’m going to be here, at least until Na Byeol finds the safe,” he heard Roy’s firm voice in his left ear. “But the trip there and back only takes fifteen minutes, you will be fine.”

Indeed, they had calculated that the road from the bar to Dae Kyung’s house and back only took about fifteen minutes. But that did not mean absolute security.

Eui Sung really wanted to object that actually so many things could go wrong in fifteen minutes, but then he decided that he should stay silent to save last bits of his dignity in front of Roy. After all, excluding Roy, he got the easiest job of them all, only having to sit and talk for a while, not even playing any particular role.

“Now hurry,” Roy said, “before our target decides to go home.”

Eui Sung nodded resolutely. “Yes, sir.”

He was determined to do his absolute best and not let anyone down. But when he entered the building his confidence instantly faded. He spotted Dae Kyung right away, and at that moment it hit him that he was completely alone. And he would definitely be whining about it if others didn’t absolutely depend on him.

Instead he simply looked around. It was a small establishment with a few tables and a nice atmosphere. It wasn’t too crowded, and Eui Sung could definitely find himself a vacant table if he wanted to. But his destined seat was, of course, next to their target.

Dae Kyung was sitting at the bar counter sipping on a drink. Eui Sung took a deep breath and headed straight to him.

He plopped down on the stool two seats to the left of their target and ordered himself a glass of something light. He had absolutely no desire to get drunk that night. After about two minutes of sitting in silence and figuring out his next move he felt more than noticed the other’s eyes on him.

So Eui Sung got his attention without any effort straight away, great.

“Well, hello there, pretty guy.”

The voice and the words caught him completely off-guard, and made him nearly choke on his drink. He turned to Dae Kyung to make sure the man was talking to him.

“M-me?”

He heard Na Byeol snort in his ear. “Who's pretty? Is he talking to you?”

Dae Kyung laughed softly. “I'm sorry, it's probably not an inappropriate getting. I just couldn't help myself.”

“Ah… It's okay,” Eui Sung laughed it off awkwardly even though in reality he was immediately on edge without even realizing it. “Good evening to you too. My name's Park Man Young,” he introduced himself with a prepared name to move on from the awkwardness.

“Kim Dae Kyung.”

So now Eui Sung just had to bust out all the charm of his personality and get this guy into a conversation.

“So… Do you come here often?”

“Do I come here often? You could say that...” Dae Kyung said, and it was about the most cryptic answer Eui Sung ever heard. He didn’t even know what to say after that, but luckily, Dae Kyung continued: “Although tell me something. I've never seen you around.”

“Ah, right... I'm sort of new to this part of the city. I've moved in a few days ago. I just decided I should go out and meet some people.”

“I knew it.”

“Huh?”

“I knew I would remember someone as handsome as you,” Dae Kyung laughed again, and Eui Sung's cheeks flushed bright red. “You could sweep anyone off their feet, you know.”

“What the hell? Is he flirting with you or something? I can't listen to this,” he heard Na Byeol's voice.

“Hah! Who would've thought,” Roy chuckled. “You're in luck tonight, Hacker.”

Eui Sung started violently coughing to shut them up. “Stop saying nonsense!” he mumbled quietly so that only his teammates would hear him.

“Eh? Did you say something?”

“Nothing! Nothing. It's very nice to meet you, sir.”

He then thought he noticed something weird flicker in the target's eyes. But it only lasted a second, so Eui Sung wasn't sure he didn't imagine it.

“Hey,” Dae Kyung motioned to the bartender, “let my friend have some more, and put it on my tab.”

“Really? Thank you,” Eui Sung said, and Dae Kyung winked at him, which only made Eui Sung more uncomfortable. But nothing was too intolerable just yet.

In fact, Eui Sung felt pretty good about it so far: he managed to draw the attention of their target pretty effortlessly, and it looked like the man was pretty interested in this conversation, so if he kept this up he was sure he could buy Na Byeol all the time in the world to search his house upside-down. Not that he wanted to, since this guy was giving him the biggest creeps ever.

“Do you like this part of the city?” he asked to continue the conversation.

Dae Kyung hummed, thinking. “No, not particularly,” he said in the end.

“Why staying here, then?”

“I like the people here,” he replied. “They mind their own business, you know? I could be doing anything behind the doors of my home, and they wouldn't even care. They don't ask questions.”

Eui Sung suppressed the urge to ask what questions. He determined that he didn't really want to know the specifics. Surely he just meant his fake real estate company, what else could there be, right?

“What, you're not going to ask me what I mean?” Dae Kyung suddenly asked.

“What? U-um...” Eui Sung laughed nervously. “I figured since I'm gonna live here I'm not going to ask questions and mind my own business as well?” he offered. “Unless you want to tell me yourself, of course.”

Dae Kyung bared his teeth in a weird looking smile which could only be described as a wolfish grin of a predator right before it sunk its teeth into its prey.

“No,” Dae Kyung said, and after a somewhat ominous pause he added: “I have a feeling you'll find out soon enough anyway.”

Eui Sung would lie if he said he didn't feel slight chills run down his spine.

He felt his glass nearly slipping out of his hand because of sweat. He set it down on the table. It was empty already anyway.

Back in the van Roy scrunched his nose in irritation. Now this guy was just trying to intimidate Eui Sung to try and manipulate him in some way. And he could practically see Eui Sung's fluttering eyelashes and slightly open mouth as he loses his train of thought completely. If it was Roy out there, he wouldn't have even bat an eyelid at such a crude attempt to instill fear in someone. But it was Eui Sung they were talking about, and the prolonged silence on the other end of the earpiece was good enough indication.

“Hacker, remember who you're talking to. He's just a scammer, he's not going to do anything. Just ignore whatever he says and stay calm,” he spoke in hopes to calm his teammate down a little bit.

But Roy himself didn't believe his own words. He wasn't particularly worried, but if he had only been listening halfheartedly before, now he was definitely more alert. If he was being honest, this guy didn't sound like just a usual scammer, rather more sinister. And now he wished he did switch places with Eui Sung. But it was too late now, and he didn't want to throw their hacker into panic in fear of compromising their mission.

Hearing Roy's words in his ear both comforted and ticked Eui Sung off even more. He was glad to know Roy was still there and listening, so, in theory, he was safe. But he was annoyed because Roy could only hear, he didn't see Dae Kyung's creepy smile, his predatory eyes, couldn't smell his foul breath or feel the revolting warmth he was radiating that Eui Sung could sense even being one seat apart from him. So how could he tell him to stay calm?

“I see your glass is empty over there, little buddy,” he heard Dae Kyung’s voice. “Please,” the man turned to the barkeep, “a refill for my friend.”

The newly refilled glass landed in front of him, and snapped his attention back to the problem at hand. He briefly glanced at Dae Kyung and saw that the other was watching him, as if waiting for him to take a sip.

Eui Sung brought the glass to his lips, and saw Dae Kyung's smile widen ever so slightly.

“Why don't you tell me about yourself?” Dae Kyung then asked. “For example, what do you do for living?”

Eui Sung barely stopped himself from sighing in relief. Finally, a normal question.

Their further dialogue went pretty smoothly. Eui Sung fed him some wild stories about his made up life, and listened to Dae Kyung lie about his line of business as well.

“I work as a real estate agent,” he said, completely omitting the fact that he sold already occupied apartments and stole his clients' money.

“That's so cool!” Eui Sung replied. “Can you tell me more about it?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Dae Kyung flashed him a smile, and once again Eui Sung's stomach twisted just the tiniest bit.

Back in the van Roy also found himself frowning. First time it was kind of funny, second time it was already getting old, but at that point this was starting to look more like a pattern, and Roy wasn’t liking it.

The talk went on for about ten more minutes, until something strange happened.

A loud bang and a sound of glass shattering made Eui Sung jump in his seat and turn his head sharply. At the far corner table an angry woman was storming off leaving behind a lost guy who looked just pathetic. She shouted at him so loudly that everyone in the bar could hear. Something about him cheating, and he could only miserably attempt to defend himself. Eui Sung hissed sympathetically. That guy was definitely having a terrible evening... But that wasn’t his problem. He turned back to their mark to find the other man smiling warmly.

“Has anybody ever told you you have pretty eyes?”

Eui Sung almost choked on his drink once more.

“W-what?”

“Absolutely gorgeous, I could definitely drown in them...”

“Uhhh...”

Eui Sung's skin crawled. Something about Dae Kyung's voice was different, but he couldn't figure out what, and that last comment made him want to run to the exit and ask Roy to drive away as fast as possible.

Dae Kyung moved just an inch closer to Eui Sung, who simultaneously backed away.

“Seriously, with those pretty eyes I bet you have a gorgeous smile as well. Don't you want to smile for me?”

Eui Sung swallowed thickly.

It seemed even Na Byeol understood there were no place for jokes anymore.

“Is this guy out of his mind? I feel gross even listening to him,” Na Byeol commented. “Is it safe for Eui Sung to be next to him?”

Eui Sung wanted to yell that yes, he was, in fact, feeling very unsafe right now, and let everyone know just what he thinks of this guy next to him. But on the outside he could only flash an awkward smile and do his best to hide his discomfort so as not to blow his cover. After all, everyone depended on him being able to stall as long as possible.

After a few more seconds Dae Kyung suddenly burst out laughing. “You should've seen your face! My little guy, I'm just messing with you, relax.”

“Oh,” Eui Sung breathed out. Suddenly he felt a dull headache forming behind his eyes. Was it the drinks, or the fact that he had been stressing out all evening?

“Eui Sung, just give me a sign, and we can abort this,” Roy said. “Clear your throat if you need help.”

But Eui Sung kept quiet. He wasn't about to ruin the con just because of a few weird comments or some messed up jokes. Even if he was freaking out real bad right now. He turned away from Dae Kyung for a second, and whispered: “I'm fine.”

“Okay. Na Byeol, how much longer?” Roy asked, and you could hear it in his voice he wasn't enjoying any of this either.

“I only have the living room to go through. I bet the safe is in here. I think you can start driving now.”

“Okay.”

Eui Sung both sighed with relief internally and freaked out even more. He was alone for real now, but it was just fifteen minutes. He had to endure this creep for just fifteen more minutes, and then he was done.

He asked for the third drink, just to calm his nerves, and prayed to whoever his anxiety didn't show on his face.

But just a few minutes later something else threatened to show on his face, and that was extreme discomfort he was starting to feel in the area of… pretty much his entire body. Not only his migraine had considerably worsened, but now his muscles also began somewhat aching and feeling numb. He blamed it on the exhaustion from tonight’s mission and also maybe his whimsical attempts to exercise earlier that week.

Then he tried to continue a conversation, and… to a certain amount of fear, he felt some difficulty forming his next line.

“How- how about you- you tell me...”

“Do you have any family?” Dae Kyung suddenly interrupted him.

“What?..”

“Like, is there anyone you live with? A girlfriend?”

“Well, no...”

“Really? How interesting...”

“You really should've said you have someone at home,” Roy said.

Eui Sung couldn't understand why.

“...huh?” he accidentally said out loud.

“What?” Dae Kyung asked.

“No, nothing.”

That headache of his was getting noticeably horrible. In addition, it was suddenly getting much harder to verbalize his thoughts correctly. He wanted to tell Dae Kyung that his family was none of his business, but his mouth just wouldn't cooperate.

“It's...The living... none...”

What was happening to him? Why was Dae Kyung suddenly smiling so predatory?

“What are you trying to say there, little guy?”

“How much did you drink?” Roy’s voice could be heard somewhere in the distance. It held almost a worried tone to it. “I’ve told you not to drink too much, damnit.”

Eui Sung really wanted to protest that no, he shouldn’t be drunk at all, he’s only had like three glasses… wait, then what was the case?

Suddenly Dae Kyung hopped from his own seat to the one right next to Eui Sung.

He put his own hand on Eui Sung's, and his heart made a leap. His first instinct was to immediately pull it away, but to his own horror he realized it wouldn't fully obey. He could only make a weak attempt to free his hand, but Dae Kyung grabbed it really tight.

Eui Sung's heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would break his ribs. That was enough, he was done. He had to tell Roy, he needed to... but his mouth just wouldn't listen...

He started to speak, but Dae Kyung quickly placed his hand over his mouth.

“Shh, you don't want to say anything wrong now,” he whispered.

***

Meanwhile Na Byeol was nearly jumping from joy, as she finally was able to lay her hands on their target's safe. Number combination and a padlock? Pshh, not a problem for her. She was done in under a minute.

But having opened it, she was disappointed to see there were no gold bars. And no money whatsoever in general.

“What a cheapskate,” she huffed. “Didn't even leave any money for me!”

“This is not what we're after. Look for documents,” Roy reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah...”

There was only a folder and a closed shoebox in the safe. She figured the folder must be where their target kept the documents and everything important, so the shoebox was what had really caught her attention.

“There's some weird box, I wonder what's in it,” she said and went to open it.

What she saw inside almost made her drop it.

There were pictures, a lot of pictures. As she flipped through them she wanted to puke more and more, and her eyes widened in horror.

“Roy, turn the car around,” she said, the tone of her voice having completely changed.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Forget me, you need to drive back and get Eui Sung out, now,” without a second thought he complied, turning the van around to drive back where he came from.

“Why? What did you find?” his voice was steady, but his stomach grew an uneasy feeling. Without noticing he pressed on the gas pedal to drive even faster.

“There are pictures of... of... people...”

“I got it.”

Na Byeol didn't need to continue for him to understand that those weren't pictures of cute puppies and butterflies that were kept in their target's safe. Suddenly it made sense why he spent so much time at the bar. It made him sick.

Next thing he realized he hadn't even heard any kind of complaint or protest from Eui Sung about the fact that they decided to pull the plug on his mission. It could be, of course, due to him not being able to speak next to someone, but still Roy couldn't help but feel even more anxious.

“Hacker, can you hear me?” no answer. “Clear your throat if you can hear me,” only silence in response once again. Roy cursed and punched the steering wheel.

“Is his earbud not working?” Na Byeol asked in a weak voice.

“It couldn't have broken on its own. It must've been found by Dae Kyung.”

Not to mention that Eui Sung turning it off voluntarily was out of the question. All of them know not to turn it off under any circumstances.

“Ah, what are we even going to do?” Na Byeol lamented. Panic was evident in her voice, but Roy couldn't have that.

“Na Byeol, focus on your own escape right now. Don't worry about Eui Sung, I'm going to go and get him.”

“Please hurry. He's there all alone now, no doubt scared out of his mind,” she said.

Roy bit his lip. He really couldn't bring himself to tell her that, considering who their target was, Eui Sung getting only scared would be the perfect outcome.

***

Dae Kyung cupped Eui Sung’s cheek with one hand and reached towards his ear with the other. Eui Sung wanted to scream at him not to touch him there, but his mouth might as well have been full of wool. He blinked, and the next moment he saw his earbud drown in the contents of the glass. Even through the thick fog in his brain he could understand that it was very, very bad. His one chance to call for help was gone.

He could only stare at it blankly, and Dae Kyung snickered, pinching Eui Sung's cheek.

“That's right, I knew about your little toy. I noticed it back when you turned around and exposed your left ear to me. Turns out, some other people have been listening in on our little date all this time. But no matter... Now we are finally truly alone.”

And if Eui Sung's muscles didn't feel completely numb at that moment, he would definitely shudder with his whole body. Suddenly Dae Kyung dropped what little had remained of his nice act, and his face distorted to that of a true maniac.

Next moment Eui Sung felt the last crumbs of strength leave him, a heavy hand landed on his shoulders, and his head dropped on the counter with a dull thud.

“Oh gosh, look at you. That last glass was definitely one too many, eh?” Dae Kyung purred. He then turned to the bartender with a toothy smile. “I apologize, my friend here had a bit too much. I always tell him, he should be more careful, and still...” The oblivious bartender smiled sympathetically, and Dae Kyung continued. “I parked my car at the back, let me take him away.”

Dae Kyung took Eui Sung and half led, half dragged him to the back entrance. Eui Sung wanted to resist, screamed at his body to move even a muscle, but it was all in vain. Nothing was working, and the world around was spinning so quickly that he couldn't even focus on one point. He was completely helpless. Oh Roy, where are you?

He felt the night air hit his skin. The car was close now. With each step they took Eui Sung felt more and more dread. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't even raise a finger to try and fight off. He knew he couldn't fight anyway, but this was on a whole another level. He was completely at the mercy of a sick and twisted pervert.

“There we are, little friend,” Dae Kyung said with a grin in his voice. “Almost there.”

Eui Sung wanted to cry. Please don't open that door, he begged inwardly, anything but this... Somebody help me...

Dae Kyung’s hand fell on the door handle, and Eui Sung's heart sunk… when suddenly he felt incredible lightness. Dae Kyung’s other hand that was supporting him was gone, and next second he found himself sitting on the ground with his back against the car.

Through rapidly blurring vision he only saw two dark silhouettes, and heard vague noises of someone fighting. For a minute he was only hearing rhythmic punches, and wondered what was going on.

After the hitting stopped, the silhouette moved towards him, and Eui Sung's heart picked up the pace again, when a face appeared in front of his eyes, and he could recognize...

Roy!

The relief hit Eui Sung immediately. Boy was he glad to see him! He could barely see straight, but even like that he was able to see Roy's eyes filled with worry. He felt wetness on his face, and right after that Roy's rough hand through his jacket's sleeve on his cheek. The other man had said something to him, but he couldn't hear. His consciousness was quickly slipping, and very soon the world around him submerged into darkness.

***

Two minutes earlier…

Roy practically tore the door off when he ran into the bar. He scanned the crowd, but couldn't find neither Dae Kyung nor Eui Sung. He sprinted to the counter and spoke to the man behind it.

“There were two people here. One in his thirties, and the younger one had blond hair and glasses,” he hastily explained. The bartender nodded in understanding.

“You missed them by just a minute. The blond guy got messed up, so his friend had to take him home.”

Roy's hair stood on ends.

“Where.”

“They exited through the back door. Maybe you'll catch them, if...”

But he didn't get to finish the sentence, as Roy was already gone.

Oh please, let me be on time.

In a flash he found himself outside and staring at the horrible scene: their target was dragging Eui Sung who couldn’t even stand upright towards his car ready to take off and do god knows what to him.

Roy saw red.

He ran up to Dae Kyung, and practically tore him off from Eui Sung. The latter then immediately lost his balance, slid down the car’s surface and just sat on the ground.

“Who the hell…” Dae Kyung began, but Roy didn’t let him finish. He punched him and knocked him down on the ground, and then proceeded to punch him again, and again, and again. He stopped only when he realized he was hearing some strange noise. Then he realized that it was Na Byeol’s voice calling his name.

“Roy! Roy! Can you hear me? What’s happening?!”

Dae Kyung was completely unconscious now, and even though Roy’s rage would only completely disappear if he killed the motherfucker, he reminded himself what was more important at that moment.

He rushed to Eui Sung, kneeling in front of him to check him over. Thankfully he didn’t find any injuries. Eui Sung’s glassy eyes stared somewhere through him, but he still saw some semblance of relief on his face. A tear ran down Eui Sung’s cheek, and it broke Roy’s heart. He went to wipe it with the sleeve of his jacket, so as not to get blood on Eui Sung’s face.

“I’m sorry for being so late. You’re safe now. Let’s get you home.”

After that Eui Sung’s eyes rolled back, and he lost consciousness, his head dropping to the side. Roy sighed and went to pick him up from the ground.

“Roy? How is Eui Sung?”

Roy looked at his load.

“I’m assuming he got roofied. He’s unconscious now. I’m taking him back to the van.”

Na Byeol was silent for a minute, likely processing that information.

“Okay… I’ve already texted Tae Joon and Soo Kyung, they’re coming back too.”

“Alright, meet you at the headquarters.”

***

Eui Sung woke up and immediately wished he hadn’t. He tried to sit up, but then groaned and clutched his head. Somehow that dull headache from yesterday still persisted even today, and was twice, if not three times as bad. Wait, yesterday? What even happened yesterday? A surge of panic went through him, and he attempted to get up again to assess the situation.

“I would advise you to lie back down,” he heard a voice. It was Roy. So Roy was here, huh. It instantly made things better, and he relaxed, feeling much safer.

He looked around the room as much as he could without turning his head too much and realized he was back at the headquarters. His body was covered with a warm blanket. He had no recollection of how he’d gotten here, or what had even happened after he’d gotten into the conversation with their target.

“How are you feeling?” Roy asked him.

A wave of nausea hit him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, a slight moan escaping his lips.

“Like shit,” he managed.

Roy hummed and squatted down next to him. Eui Sung flinched slightly from the sudden movement, but then he saw Roy was only handing him a glass of water.

“Better to stay hydrated,” he said plainly.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the glass. Roy helped him get up a little bit so that he could drink. Even that little movement made his stomach twist with nausea once more, and he nearly gagged. Roy laid him back down, and after waiting a few seconds until his stomach calmed down, he finally asked the question that had been bugging him since he’d woken up.

“What happened?”

“You got drugged and nearly kidnapped, then you passed out and I took you back to the base.”

“…oh.”

Memories came flooding back in. Images of events of the previous evening flashed before his eyes: Dae Kyung’s ugly smile, his hands on his face, the bar’s back door, the car…

All of it came back at once, threatening to completely overwhelm him. His heart picked up the pace, and suddenly it was harder and harder to breathe…

“Hacker?” Roy was right at his side instantly. “Hey, Jung Eui Sung. Just breathe, okay? It’s all over, you’re safe now.”

For a few seconds Eui Sung was simply breathing, in and out, until he was back in the present.  

“Sorry…” he swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. “You must think I’m a total loser right now.”

“Not at all,” Roy replied. “You just went through something traumatic, it’s only natural to freak out.”

Eui Sung couldn’t find what to reply. He fully expected Roy to, well, maybe not mock him openly, but he still messed up where Roy would definitely never.

“I made a mistake…” he said. “I ruined the mission. I…”

Roy demonstratively sighed so loud that Eui Sung had to quiet down.

“You did not ruin anything, okay? And also, do you have any idea how that happened? At what point did he spike your drink, I mean.”

Eui Sung had to pause to think about it. He made sure to watch his glass at all times, even though he did not expect something like this, but there was one moment. If he had to guess then it would be…

“When some loud noise distracted me,” he started recalling. “A couple was having an argument, and the woman caused a scene. I turned away from Dae Kyung and from my drink for a moment because I got startled when she broke a glass.”

Roy closed his eyes and frowned. Eui Sung was already anticipating an earful, but instead all Roy said was:

“I see,” then, after a pause he continued. “So it was premeditated after all. He either was originally targeting someone else and switched to you, jumping at the opportunity, or planned for a random attack, and you were simply there at the wrong time. People like him would stop at nothing to get their way, so it would’ve happened no matter what, and it’s not your fault.”

“…Wow, okay. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel better, or be in even more misery.”

Roy breathed out the faintest laugh.

“It’s your choice, Hacker.”

They heard the metal gate slide to the side and several footsteps go down the stairs to their headquarters.

“Jung Eui Sung!”

“Eui Sung-ah!”

It was Na Byeol together with Tae Joon and Soo Kyung. They saw that he was awake now, and rushed to his side. They wouldn’t have been able to do anything, but they simply had a strong need to make sure their teammate and friend was relatively okay. Obviously, he still felt the aftereffects of the drug, and was shaken to a great extent, but Roy was just in time to prevent something much more horrible from happening.

Their loud voices felt like someone was hitting Eui Sung’s head with a hammer. Against own desire, he flinched and quietly hissed.

Noticing that Roy has brought his finger to his lips, wordlessly telling everyone to mind their volume.

“Oh, sorry, sorry,” Soo Kyung whispered.

“How are you feeling?” Tae Joon asked, voice as soft and gentle as ever.

“Like shit,” he repeated his own words. “Okay, maybe just slightly better than when I’d woken up. My head’s killing me.”

“It’s gonna be like that for some time. I’m afraid you’ll have to get through it,” Roy said.

“How long?” Na Byeol turned to Roy with worried eyes.

“A day. Maybe two.”

Meanwhile Soo Kyung squatted next to Eui Sung and put her hand on his forehead. He leaned into her touch with gratefulness, as her cold hand felt medicinal to his devastating headache.

“What did we tell you, ah?” she murmured. “Be safe. Why didn’t you listen?”

“Sorry…” Eui Sung replied.

“Yeah, what did you do?” Na Byeol started.

“I got distracted, and he used the moment to spike my drink,” Eui Sung admitted to everyone.

“What?! How could you be so careless?”

“Na Byeol…” Tae Joon stopped her.

“It could be any of us,” Roy said. Everyone turned to him in question. “The couple were most likely his accomplices. It’s a classic scheme: some paid actors create a distraction and make the victim look away while the guy uses the moment to mix in the drug,” Eui Sung looked taken aback. He didn’t even consider the possibility that that wasn’t a coincidence. “Even if that didn’t work, no doubt they had a plan B, or even C. I’ve told you it’s not your fault.”

Soo Kyung gasped softly. “What rascals… Unbelievable.”

Eui Sung swallowed hard and then turned his eyes to Tae Joon. “What happened to Dae Kyung?”

“He’s at the police’s hands now. Drugging and kidnapping attempt is a completely different matter,” he said. “I’ve called detective Park right away, they’ve already searched their house. Turns out real estate fraud isn’t the worst of his crimes. They’ve found evidence of serial abduction and sexual assault, all documented with intent to blackmail the victims if they threaten to go to the police later.”

Eui Sung felt his throat close up just the smallest bit. That means if Roy hadn’t been there…

Soo Kyung ran her hand through his hair. “We’re just glad nothing too horrible happened,” she reassured, “and you’re safe now.”

You didn’t have to tell Eui Sung twice. The thought that something similar could happen to him made him physically shudder.

“What, do you need another blanket?” Na Byeol asked. And for the first time Eui Sung didn’t hear any sarcasm in her voice. It felt really weird.

“No…” he replied. “I’m just… a little freaked out I guess.”

“I know you don’t want to think about it right now, but you will need to give a statement to the police later when you’re better,” Tae Joon told Eui Sung Sung. “Would you be okay?”

Eui Sung pondered on it for a second. Right now all he wanted was to go back to sleep to forget about the whole thing and get rid of his horrible migraine. But they also needed to get that scumbag behind bars for as long as possible. So he gathered up his strength and nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Tae Joon patted him on the shoulder. “Now… I and Soo Kyung have to go for now, but we’ll leave Roy and Na Byeol with you.”

“Rest up, Eui Sung-ah,” Soo Kyung told him and slightly ruffled his hair.

After that they both left.

Eui Sung was already exhausted by this whole interaction. And it was probably very noticeable since both Na Byeol and Roy turned around to leave him alone.

“Don’t go,” he unconsciously called out to them.

“We aren’t going anywhere, we’ll be around the headquarters,” Roy told him. “I just could use a snack.”

“Yeah, Leader would have our heads if we left you.”

“Oh, okay,” at this point Eui Sung’s eyelids were lowering on their own. “Don’t do anything weird to my face while I sleep,” he murmured.

“It would be very funny,” Na Byeol said, “but now we’re just not in the mood.”

But Eui Sung couldn’t hear those words anymore, he had already dozed off. He slept mostly peacefully, knowing that his teammates and best friends would watch over him and would not let anything or anyone get to him.

#whump #whump writing #fanfic #ao3 #leverage: con artists #kdrama whump #jung eui sung #go na byul #roy ryu #whump fanfiction #whump fic #allinory's writing #idfk how to format your fics okay go read it on ao3 like a normal person #but also pls like and share this post 👉👈

[zenkindoflove]

🍓 🥐 🎨 🧩

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

The first time I ever wrote fanfic was when I was 16 in 2005 and in That 70s Show fandom shipping Jackie/Hyde. I wrote a canon divergence fic called "Anything For You, Doll" that took place during the episode "Vanstock". I ended up being in that fandom for over 3 years and wrote a lot of fics which now no longer exist on the internet as of this year. 😩 I actually am really proud of a lot of those fics (my favorite being a Sixteen Candles inspired AU) but what happened with Danny Masterson these last few years was just too horrifying and disgusting for me to ever consider returning to that ship or show. And even though I know when I wrote those fics I of course knew nothing about his crimes (no one did) it was hard for me to imagine new fans or old fans ever coming back to fanfics for Jackie/Hyde once they learned what kind of person Danny Masterson was during that time playing Hyde. And I felt icky having them there. I know this was supposed to be probably a fun answer, but now in 2024 I have such complicated feelings about my time in T7S fandom from 2005-2008. It was literally the best of times and I grew so much as a writer with the stories I attempted and the friends I made. But that bastard ruined a lot of those memories.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Bentley!!!

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

I love this piece by brielyasmin. It's how I picture Elucien and I just love their expressions while he's carrying her and they're kissing. And I love the little details like her shoe falling off and the flowers in their hair. ❤️

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

For Elucien, because they're my OTP, if they are with anyone else. Lol. I'm very monogamous with my OTPs. I can get into non monogamy and swapping around if it's a couple I only casually ship. But OTPs are off limits. Something that happens a lot in Elucien fic is casually mentioning Lucien is fucking Jurian and Vassa in threesomes while he's waiting for Elain and NO THANKS.

Oh also when people write Elain too mean or antagonistic to Lucien. It's always felt OOC to me. I have a very specific vision of Elain in my head and it's hard for me to get into fics if she deviates too hard. I have some wiggle room but ultimately I like what I like! So when I start picking up that vibe, after a lot of experience of trying and not enjoying that depiction of Elain, I just DNF pretty quick these days.

#ask games #gigi tag #thank you bb!

[nightmaresart]

ᐯᑌᒪᑎEᖇᗩᗷᒪE

Another MagicWeaver fanfic because I love them sm, they're on my mind 24/7

Triggers⚠️

Mentions of blood, slight panic attack, googled Polish🇵🇱

Word count: 2,5k

It's not proofread and English is not my first language, all mistakes are my own

Waiting for the ship to land, a couple of people were standing on the landing site, for the team that had been sent on this mission to show their faces. Niran Pruksamanee was one of them, he mainly wanted to check for injuries and get the latest updates on everything. As the ship opened its door after it had landed safely, someone quickly rushed out, seemingly panicking. Niran managed to get a glimpse of who it was, Aleksander. 

Pushing through the few people that were waiting, Aleksander ignored everyone who even dared to call out his name. He needed to clear his head from everything that had gone wrong during the mission. He had lost control again over his magic and it made him feel sick to his stomach. Aleksander never knows what is happening when he is no longer in control, all he knows is that people have most likely gotten hurt because of him. He needs to get away from people before something goes wrong again. Rushing through the door of his room and locking it behind him, Aleksander fell to the floor, clawing at his armor and throwing it in the corner once he'd gotten it off him. His boots and his eyepatch got the same treatment before the man pulled his knees up to his chest and pushed his palms into his eyes, breathing heavily through his nose Aleksander did not feel any better. He sees glimpses of what had happened when he lost his cool, and like he suspected earlier, people had in fact gotten hurt. 

Running around the base, Niran is looking for Dr.Novak, asking anyone who he came across if they had seen the man. Almost all of them told him no, they had not seen the man, until he asked an older member of overwatch, Agent Zero, “I’ve seen him rush to his room, seems to me he is not doing well, best you take it easy with him Niran,” and with that Niran thanked her and made his way to the mage’s room. 

Uncurling himself and getting up from his position on the floor, Aleksander slowly made his way to the bathroom, deciding that splashing some water on his face may do the trick in making him feel better. Letting the water run over his hands, they slowly began to tremble but ignoring this Aleksander splashes his face a couple of times before turning the water off. Gripping the sink with a deathlike grip he looks at his reflection in the mirror. A tired man stares right back at him, his hair is a mess and there are eye bags clearly visible. Scowling at what he sees, Aleksander straightens his posture, letting his hands wander to his hair and pulling it out of the messed up bun. His breathing becomes more labored the longer he stares at his reflection. What previously was panic has now become anger, anger directed at himself for losing control like that. 

In a blink of an eye he had smashed the mirror into pieces, not even registering the pain that shot through his hand nor the blood that was now covering some shards of the mirror. Letting out an angry shout, Aleksander walked back to the room with an ugly expression on his features. He begins pacing around while running his non-bloody hand through his hair, even gripping the sandblond locks. Being so caught up in his own thoughts and anger Aleks barely registered the knocking on his door, but he did hear it and he wanted to shout at the person to leave him the fuck alone. 

“Sasha?,” 

That voice, that nickname, why did it have to be Bua of all people. Aleksander stopped in his tracks, he wanted to scream at the other man, tell him to leave him alone. But he didn’t, dropping his hands beside his body, his shoulders sagged. 

“Will you let me in please? I want to check on you,”

Blinking away the tears that swelled in his eyes, Aleksander took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak, “Leave Bua, go away,” 

“No, not until you let me see you,”

“Go away!”

“Sasha-”

Walking up to the door, Aleksander glared at it, getting tired of this back and forth, “Odejdź” He spat out the word like it was venom, hoping that it would make it clear that he did not want to be seen like this. 

Niran sighs as he hears the word being spat at him, it is never good news whenever Aleksander will switch to his native tongue. This only made the white haired man more determined to get in the room and help the mage. “Nothing you say will change my mind Sasha, i just want to help you,” hearing nothing but silence for a minute, Niran was about to walk away until he heard the door being unlocked. Straightening his posture he looks at the disheveled man in the doorway. Before Niran could ask if he could come in, Aleksander already moved to pull Niran inside and closed the door behind them. 

Looking around the room Niran’s eyes landed on the armor, boots and the eyepatch that Aleksander had thrown in a corner, sighing softly he now understood why the other was so determined to keep everyone out. Turning around to face the man Niran noticed just how exhausted he looked, he also noticed the bleeding hand and he immediately reached for it. “What happened? Did you hurt yourself?” He was met with silence so Niran just assumed that is exactly what had happened. Taking Aleksander to his bathroom, Niran’s eyes fell on the broken mirror and the dots started to connect, but he didn’t comment on it. He simply sat Aleksander down on the edge of the bathtub and began rummaging through the cabinet for some bandages. 

Aleksander slowly began to feel the pain register, he was too caught up in his anger to notice before. The bleeding hand began to tremble as he tried to take deep breaths through his nose, he felt pathetic and he certainly did not like Niran seeing him like this. Getting lost in his thoughts, Aleksander didn’t even notice that Niran had crouched down in front of him with the bandages and spray in hand. He only snapped out his destructive train of thoughts when the other man gently took his hand and put the spray on it. Wincing at the stinging feeling Aleksander fought the urge to pull his hand away. 

“Sorry,” Niran whispers, almost afraid to break the silence that had settled over them. Putting the spray aside when he was sure he had cleaned all wounds, Niran slowly began wrapping the bandages around Aleksander’s hand with gentle fingers. 

Fidgeting with the fingers of his non-injured hand, Aleksander took this calm moment to look at Niran. He has always thought that the man in front of him was pretty, gorgeous even, but it was rare to be the center of his concern. Keeping an eye on Niran, Aleksander felt his heartbeat quicken, heat rise to his face and his previously destructive thoughts stop completely. He knew he should feel scared of these feelings, he has always been scared of developing them in the first place, but this felt nice. It felt good even. Watching the man rise back to his feet after he was done with wrapping Aleksander’s hand, he looks at the hand that Niran was offering him to help him back to his feet. Taking it the two walked back to the room. 

“Want to tell me what happened to cause all of this?” Niran knew the reason already, the others had told him what had happened but he wanted to hear it from Aleksander himself. Hoping to get a better understanding of this complex being in front of him. 

Averting his gaze, Aleksander sat down on his bed. He wanted to tell Niran what happened, he really did, but he was afraid of the judgment that might come with telling it. 

Sitting down next to the other man, Niran patiently waited for Aleksander to tell him. Raising his hand to tuck a piece of the sandblond locks behind the other’s ear, looking as the blue eye looked around the room. 

"Przepraszam,” Aleksander sighed, finally making eye contact with Niran, “I lost control over my magic… People got hurt,” He whispers, it still haunts him that whenever he is no longer in control bad things happen. “I never wanted it to happen, yet it did-” A warm and soft hand took Aleksander’s own and at that moment everything spilled from his lips, from the moment he had felt the control slip, to the glimpses he saw of what happened during it and the panic that filled his body when he regained consciousness. 

Niran listened to everything that Aleksander told him, not judging the man like Aleksander had thought he would’ve, but nodding and gently squeezing his hand. He felt safe, like he could tell Niran anything and the man wouldn’t hold it against him like so many others had done in the past. Taking a deep breath Aleksander stopped his rambling, squeezing Niran’s hand back he felt all sorts of emotion bubble to the surface. Including the feelings he had for the other man, the feelings he so desperately tried to bury and ignore. But he didn’t want to ignore them anymore, Niran might turn him down, not return Aleksander’s own feelings, but that would be alright, he would get over the rejection. 

Taking the silence of Aleksander as a sign he was done talking, Niran nodded slowly, not sure if anything that he might say would help, but he still felt the need to break the silence. “I’m certain that with time this will no longer happen, that you will be in full control at all times, Sasha,” Niran had seen the power the other holds, it would take time to be in proper control of it all, “But you will not have to do it on your own,” He offered a faint smile to Aleksander and snorted softly in light amusement when Aleksander averted his gaze again. It was almost adorable.

Fighting the urge to scoff at the snort he heard from Niran, Aleksander couldn’t help but feel the heat return to his face, “Thank you,” he whispered, returning his gaze to the one of Niran, not being able to help the faintest smile forming on his face. 

“Thank you for allowing me to help,” Niran whispered back before laughing when Aleksander dropped his hand and lightly shoved the taller man off his bed, covering his face so he avoided getting smacked by a pillow. He sometimes forgets just how easily Aleksander can get flustered like that. 

“Stop laughing!”

“Then stop trying to smack me!” 

Dropping the pillow he was holding back on the bed, Aleksander stood over Niran, which was a mistake because now the man on the floor could pull him down. Bracing for impact, Aleksander made a face at Niran, “Why did you do that?”

Shrugging from his position on the floor, “Now we’re even!” He still had a bright expression on his face, the tension from earlier now clearly broken by the two fooling around. Rolling on his side so that he could face the mage, Niran once again tucked the sandblond locks behind the other’s ear, “Hey,”

Rolling his eye Aleksander couldn’t help but smile, he had to admit that the idiocy of Niran was rubbing off on him, “Hey,” the man said back to him, letting his eye roam Niran’s face for the who knows how many time, “Can i tell you something?” Aleksander needed to get it off his chest now, he needed to tell Niran how he felt about him. 

Raising his brows, Niran adjusted his position, “Of course, you can tell me anything,” He thought it would be another bad thing that Aleksander had gone through, or something terrible he had witnessed that he wanted to get off his chest.

A deep breath, his eyes closed for a little while Aleksander was trying to find the right words. Once he found them he nodded and opened his eyes again, looking at the concerned face of Niran, “It’s nothing bad, I promise,” seeing relief wash over the features of the other man, Aleksander fought the urge to snort in amusement. Taking another deep breath Aleksander let it spill from his lips, “When I'm with you I feel like myself.  I feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and I feel good about it—  I feel good about who I am when I'm with you,” 

Was Aleksander confessing his feelings? His feelings for Niran? Niran felt his breath catch in his throat, he felt his heart speed up, heat rise to his face. He knew he was staring at the other with wide eyes, happiness washed over him and a big smile made its way onto his face. 

“It’s okay if you don’t–” before Aleksander could finish his sentence Niran had grabbed his face and peppered it with kisses. Oh. OH. His heart skipped a beat as he genuinely laughed for the first time in months. 

Pulling back, Niran had a grin from ear to ear, “Of course I return them Sasha, I was afraid I might never get the chance to act on them,” running his fingers across Aleksander’s face the two layed there on the floor for a minute, or maybe longer, neither of them was paying attention to the time anyway. 

After a while Aleksander got antsy, “As much as I would like to have you do that,” gesturing to the calm tracing of the other’s fingers, “I would prefer to get off the ground,” Aleksander shot Niran an awkward smile, the floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to be.

Processing what Aleksander had just said, Niran sprung into action, quickly getting up himself before helping Aleksander off the floor. Holding the mage’s hand, Niran brought it up to his lips and gave it a kiss, “Better?”

Chuckling at the gesture Aleksander nodded, “Much,” cupping Niran’s face for a brief moment, Aleksander turned to look at the mess he had made in the bathroom and made an uncomfortable face. “Suppose I’ll have to explain what happened to the mirror,” Dropping his hands to his sides he then made an apologetic face at Niran, “I’m sorry for cutting this short, But–”

“But you need to clean yourself up and look presentable before you inform Winston about the mirror?” Niran finished the sentence for him and normally it would annoy the absolute shit out of Aleksander, but now it was appreciated. Aleksander nodded, “Tak,” 

Leaning forward to press another kiss on Aleksander’s face, Niran understood the need for privacy, “When you’ve done all that, come look for me,” making his way to the door Niran opened it and turned to face Aleksander, “See you in a bit my mage,” 

Smiling softly, Aleksander made a sound of approval, “I’ll see you soon then, Bua,” nodding the other goodbye he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, Aleksander felt like things would go better from now on. 

#niran pruksamanee #lifeweaver #aleksander novak #MagicWeaver #spirit tries to write #overwatch #overwatch oc #overwatch fanfiction #fanfic #oc x canon

[procrastinatorproject]

So, I was just mercilessly roasted by @regionalpancake, and it reminded me that I had opened tumblr a couple hours ago to write a post about the exact same thing she roasted me about -- but then I was good and put tumblr away because i need to do SO MANY UNI THINGS 😱

But now that it's come up again, I'm gonna just write this and then get back to Productivity™

Basically, I have this huge collection of semi-finished, mostly plotless Star Trek: La Sirena whump stories. And I do mean huge! On the order of 200k+ words, in fact. None of which I ever intended on sharing, because it's all daydream-adjacent and OC-centric (because my daydreams are pretty much exclusively self-inset. 'tis how the brain rolls, and always has).

If I ever wanted to share any of them publically, first of all, it would require a whole bunch of editing and/or added context to gloss over the parts where you'd need about ten years of daydreamt worldbuilding to understand what the fuck they're even talking about! And even with that smoothed over, there is still the issue of having a non-established and somewhat non-descript original main character, which can really put people off. And while I primarily write for myself and only secondarily for my friends, if I put something out into the world for others to see, I do wnat it to be semi-decent, so I do think about these things a lot.

But I've been rereading these stories, and goddamnit, there is some excellent writing in there! And some of it has already showed up in some of my main feed fics, but a lot of it hasn't, and actually, I really want to share it!

So, now I'm faced with a conundrum, because my choices basically are:

Only slightly edit the existing stories to smooth over the bits that really need additional context to make sense to a reader who hasn't lived in my head the past decade, but otherwise leave them as-is

Only take the best bits and pieces from the existing stories and create new original stories out of them that feauture canon characters (or maybe one or two OCs but make them fully-fleshed characters by including the required establishing passages to bring new readers on board)

Search-and-replace the OC with a canon character and do the required editing to make it work.

And I'm honestly torn 😅 Because I've been attempting approach 2 over the last few years, and nothing has been happening. Approach 1 is the "Fuck it, I write for myself and have a right to archive those stories, too!"-attitude I aspire to, but it's also fucking scary 🙈

But coincidentally, I was re-reading one of these stories earlier, and my brain kept going "Hm. If you shuffle these characters around a tiny bit and then make Agnes the main character, you'd only have to do some minor editing here and here for it to work really well for her, actually 🤔"

And just now, when I lamented to Pancakes that I really want to write more Agnes, her devastatingly accurate reply was: "Just search replace some of your whump with Agnes! That should fit, right?"

(Which... There is a reason I identify with Agnes so hard it makes it difficult for me to actually write her 🙈🙈🙈)

So yeah. That's what I've been mulling over this fine November day.

Serious question: Would you read a story that is fairly clearly marked as "OC main character with minimal establishment" if it containted characters and tropes you enjoyed? Or is that a huge No-no for you?

And second question: can you tell me why you feel either way? Is it nice to have a more-or-less blank slate to slot yourself into? Does it feel too personal if you suspect you're reading a writer's self-insert, whether they confirm it or not? Do you not care as long as the characterization of canon characters and the whump are good? Is it "I'm going to fanfic so I don't have to do the hard work of connecting with new characters"?

And if it were a properly established OC, i.e. not just "this person exists, already slotted into this crew, don't worry about it", but "this fully fleshed-out character has a backstory and a history of how they met these characters and they will be introduced accordingly" (like, say, Xyr in A Night at the Opera), does "OC" still make you think "must be self-insert and thus must be shit?" 🤔

#writing #fanfiction #whump #self-insert #ocs #original characters #lili's writing adventures #why does everything have to be so hard? 😅

[bemusedandconfused-blog]

Claire watches Asian Dramas - Korean Fox edition

Goblin -the Lonely and Great God (2017)

Fantasy romance drama, with a great cast! 16 episodes at about 70 minutes each, plus 3 making-of specials. The story focuses on the Goblin, cursed with immortality until he meets a prophesied “Goblin Bride” who can remove the sword from his chest and release him from his torment. The secondary storyline about the Reaper (and his great hat), Sunny, and supporting character of a spoiled chaebol heir who does errands for his immortal employers, weaves together with the main storyline very well. I watched this one on Viki.com 

(Confession, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched it, so these are my lasting impressions rather than specific call-outs)

Pros:

Strong cast, everyone has a dramatic moment to shine

The scenes between odd-couple roommates Goblin and Reaper are comedy GOLD

Beautiful set pieces for the Goblin’s house and Reaper’s tea room/afterlife lobby

Love the mythology around the reapers and the afterlife transitions

Fun ghost characters!

Has a happy ending for all the couples if you don’t mind a time jump! 

Cons:

I couldn’t get past the age difference of the main leads. I’m not a fan of the grown-man looking character having a relationship with a highschool-age looking character. Not my bag. 

The “villain” is a cartoon baddie. And not that interesting, ultimately. 

Edited to add: the product placement in this one is extremely silly. Just FYI.

Tale of the Nine Tailed (2020)  구미호뎐

My new favorite Korean drama! Lee Dong Wook was so good in Goblin, I looked up what else he was in and found this fantasy romance drama, where he has the lead role as a 1000+ year old Nine Tailed Fox (gumiho) who serves as a kind of bounty hunter, capturing other immortals who break the rules, while looking for his reincarnated love. 16 episodes, about 70 minutes each, plus a making-of special. (Watched this one on Viki.com as well - I actually bought a subscription so I could watch it, after they hooked me with the first three episodes!)

Pros:

The female lead is awesome and competent! She is my favorite non-powered heroine from any of these shows so far, I think. 

Lee Dong Wook. What else do I need to say?

Great Found-Family ensemble cast. 

Actually, all the supporting characters are fantastic. There’s a Bear character (immortal spirit, like the foxes) who is in like one episode and I want to write fanfic about him. 

They call out tropes and avoid them as much as possible;

Cool action sequences

Love the mythology, and the set design of the Afterlife Immigration Office

Has a happy ending, at the very, very end! 

Cons:

We only get to see Lee Yeon’s tails once. ONCE. 

That’s all I can think of right now. I might edit this post later if I think of anything else. 

Touch Your Heart (2019)  진심이 닿다

No fantasy element to this one, just a standard workplace romance dramedy. Once again, the promise of watching Lee Dong Wook be stupidly handsome and talented drew me into another show. I did not have high expectations, as the summary described it along the lines of “spoiled, ditzy actress takes a job at a law firm to save her career, butting heads with the firm’s ace lawyer, a stern, demanding attorney”. I was expecting a bossy alpha type lawyer who was abusive until he learns to love the girl, and instead we got a charmingly awkward Mr. Darcy type, who is only stern because he cares about justice and doing things the right way. 16 episodes, about 70 minutes each. I liked this one so much more than I thought I would! It’s gonna be on my rewatch rotation, I think, which is easy since it’s on Netflix! 

Pros:

The female lead grows over the course of the show! She’s really only annoying for the first two episodes!

The main couple’s relationship is actually really sweet and wholesome, not unhealthy at all! 

It’s a very funny show, plenty of slapstick humor from the supporting cast.

Personally, I really enjoy the show-within-the-show storylines, so I enjoyed that we get to see a bit of her life as an actress

Playing with rom-com tropes with a wink and a nod; so good! 

No car accidents or comas! 

Happy ending! 

Cons:

Once again, Cartoon-Bad-Guy syndrome strikes. Stalkers are a real threat, but it’s harder to take them seriously when they’re mustache-twirling caricatures. 

I would have liked to see our heroine be more physically assertive and stand up for herself, but she learns to be brave in other ways! 

Edited to add: Product placement kind of disrupts the episode flow in a couple places. But not as bad as other shows I’ve seen. 

Last thoughts:

Half the show takes place in a different genre, as prosecuting attorney  Kim Se-won (male lead‘s best friend) and his prosecutor ex-girlfriend (Yoo Yeo-reum) are in a serious workplace drama across town; 

Lawyers probably shouldn’t watch this show unless they have a strong stomach for tv-lawyer speak. 

It’s a paint-by-numbers rom-com, but performing at the highest level of the genre, IMHO!

#Claire watches Asian dramas #goblin great and lonely god #Goblin #Tail of the Nine Tailed #touch your heart #Gong Yoo #Kim Go-eun #Lee Dong-wook #Yoo In-na #Kim Bum #Jo Bo-ah

[dumbassnamedkhoshekh]

Allow me to introduce myself!

My name is Ian, and I've been here a couple months now, so I probably should have done this sooner, but here's my intro post!

About Me

My name is Ian (what a shocker, I know)

I am 20 years old

I use any pronouns (though I am partial to non-masc ones despite my tragically AMAB nature)

I am a disaster bisexual

I am a dumbass

Some of my favorite things :)

Books

Riordanverse 🔱

The Harry Potter Series (if JKR didn't screw it up so badly with insensitive tropes and being a transphobe) 🪄

The Menagerie Series 🦄

DC Comics (especially Nightwing and Wayne Family Adventures) 🦸🏻‍♂️

Heartstopper 🏳️‍🌈

Wikipedia™ rabbit trails 💻

This one specific TLoZ fanfic called Skyward Sword: Saxophone AU 🎷

Music

AJR 🎹

Paramore 🦋

My Chemical Romance 💀

Taylor Swift 🎸

Fall Out Boy 🐑

Daisy The Great 🪞

Sasha Alex Sloan 🥲

Garfunkel and Oates 👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏻

Twenty One Pilots 👨🏻‍✈️

Hamilton ⭐

Dear Evan Hansen (questionable handling of mental health issues but goddamn it has a ton of bops) 🪟

Ben Platt 🤵

Lady Gaga 💃🏻

Imagine Dragons 🐉

Dodie Clark 🌻

A lot of TV show theme songs apparently 📽️

Games

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS FIRST AND FOREMOST 🎲

Minecraft ⛏️

The Legend of Zelda (especially Twilight Princess, Majora's Mask, Skyward Sword, and Breath of the Wild, the only ones I've committed a genuine amount of time to) 🧝🏼‍♂️

Dust: An Elysian Tail (this game never got enough attention) 🗡️

Pokémon 🐀

Mario Kart 🏎️

Kirby's Epic Yarn 🧶

Movies

Wonder Woman ⚔️

Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse 🕸️

The Lego Batman Movie 🦇

The Fault In Our Stars 💔

tick, tick...boom! 🎹

Ponyo 🐟

Avengers: Infinity War 🌌

Captain Marvel 🌟

Megamind 🧠

Onward 🚐

Tangled 💇🏼‍♀️

Spaceballs 🚀

Honorable mentions:

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie 🐢

The Emperor's New Groove 🦙

The Mitchells vs. the Machines 🤖

Black Panther 🐈‍⬛

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story 🌑

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3 🦝

Moana 🌊

(Order not exactly concrete)

Shows

The Owl House 🦉

The Last Of Us 🍄

Gravity Falls 🌲

The Legend of Vox Machina 🏰

Helluva Boss 😈

Young Justice 🥷🏼

Arcane 🧁

Good Omens 😈

Inside Job 🥼

Dead End: Paranormal Park 🎢

Amphibia 🐸

Heartstopper 🌈

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 🐢

Parks and Recreation 🏞️

Steven Universe (Future is overhated) ⭐

Avatar: The Last Airbender 💨

Stranger Things 🚵🏻

X-Men: Evolution ❎

I have several more, these are just what my top ones are

Others

Podcasts: The Adventure Zone (favorite arc: Amnesty) 🪓🌂📕, Welcome To Night Vale 👁️🌵🐈‍⬛

Animals: Cats, bats, owls, and dogs 🐈🦇🦉🐕

Colors: Purple and sea foam green

Characters: Luz Noceda, Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Ellie Williams, Piotr Rasputin (Colossus), Hunter (TOH), Kamala Khan (Ms Marvel), Wendy Corduroy, Magnus Chase, Raphael Hamato, Link AND Zelda, and Reagan Ridley

Foods: Waffles, tacos, any pasta with alfredo, cheesecake, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and nanimo bars

Activities: Drawing, singing, ukulele/piano, sharing every single piece of my personal information online (as shown above), freaking out over common interests, being silly

Epilogue

I am steadfastly unapologetic for the too much information I have put on here (which goes against my nature as a half-Canadian)

Just kidding. I am so sorry.

Anyways, I hope you had a great time meeting me! I hope I'm cool or something like that :)

#introducing myself #how much is too much #because i am not very good at things #please don't hurt me #if you or a loved one did NOT have a good time meeting me you may be entitled to financial compensation #i am so sorry #why am i apologizing so much #i want food #pinned intro #intro post

[allthefujoshiunite]

Can I ask your opinion on shipping for non canon couples in shounen manga/anime (especially for m/m ships)?

Hi, sorry for just jumping in asking, I'm not a BL manga reader but I love MLM fanfics.....and I love your tweets on various topics, actually I may try to read BL manga one day because of you..... since a few years back, every time I watched anime, I must have fav ships (most of them are not canon because they are from shounen anime).... Do you think I'm weird? Also, do you have any ships from shounen anime/manga that you love? Sorry for this long ask, it's just that I have a long debate with my mutuals and they said, that if you love mlm ships better just read BL manga/manhwa and not "ruin" the shounen anime/manga.....

My fav ships are from BNHA, Haikyuu, Attack on Titans, and Bungou Stray Dogs....

I'M FUMING!! How dare they make you feel weird! Anti-shippers have been rampant for the past couple of years and they go around spreading the most harmful sh*t and misinformation... A mutual of mine over Twitter has one of the most comprehensive archive of resources & definitons you can find online! If you're ever curious, I suggest you check it out (you can find more info on the discourse under the anti-fujoshi segment at the top):

As for my personal opinion on the matter, I've been reading BL for more than a decade and while there have been a time where I had a more strict views on shipping, I now shamelessly ship characters who haven't even interacted in the said show because in the end... who are others to judge the way you consume a media? Once the work is completed and is released out into the ether, the consumer is free to interpret them however they want.

This freedom and detachement from the intentions of the original creator are what enable us to read a piece through, for example, a feminist/gender critical point of view and it's something I understood better through reading literary criticism. What I mean to say by that is that, for example, an author might write a historical novel that focuses on war without intentions to critique women's positions in it, but just because it wasn't their intention, it doesn't mean that one cannot read the said novel through that perspective or criticize it. The same goes for shonen: gender sure isn't at the top of mangaka's list of things that they are critical of when creating their works but any piece of art in itself is political, and the artists' depictions of their characters are open to criticism. I hope I make sense.

So full disrespect to your mutuals but if your shipping is "ruining" their engagement with the said series, then it should be your duty to ruin it more by shipping harder. We are responsible for these things and these things only: to curate our timeline & not to engage with things that trigger/make us comfortable, and to not sh*t on others' preferences.

And to conclude, I have a lot of ships I love from shonen series!! Like Yoshida x Denji from Chainsaw Man, Zeke x Levi from AoT or Nanami x Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen. And sometimes I see a fanart of a ship I've never thought of myself before and become obsessed with them xD It's the kind of hell that's better with others!

I really hope you find a more comfortable circle to be in where you're welcomed for what you love and not shamed for it. Life is too damn short and challenging already to spend your energy on those kinds of people. With love ~

#allthefujoshiunite answers #pro shipping #literary criticism to the rescue

[adeadhorse]

Lola and Michael (ask meme)

because it’s the most popular non canon ship by far (at least i think? i’ve seen a fair amount of michael and lola shippers. mostly because Chase/Zoey and Quinn/Logan are shipped and Michael/Lola are the only 2 among the gang not together as a couple.) even besides that, they had good chemistry and funny interactions.

Do people still ship this?? I thought this ship kind of peaked on ffnet around the time S2 was airing and then petered out (especially because there was a surge in Chase/Lola around S4 because everyone hated Zoey). It's much better than Lola/Vince, at least.

When I started shipping it if I did: I don't really ship them, but I don't hate them as a couple.

My thoughts: I never put them together because I think pairing up an entire friend group is a bit odd, and because they might have a "we're the best friends of the main couple so why not" vibe. Plus I honestly can't really remember a specific interaction between them off the top of my head, though I take your word for it.

What makes me happy about them: They would be a very light-hearted, funny couple. Very fluffy and fun.

What makes me sad about them: N/A due to the above.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I have never actually read a fanfic for them, but in general I think they deserve more character study pieces individually.

Things I look for in fanfic: I'd want someone who really gets their character voices. Michael is a hard character to write because half the time the show writes him as a stereotypical sidekick, and Lola is somewhat inconsistently written, so nailing them individually and in a couple dynamic might be a hard sell.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Chase/Lola, Lola/someone nice; Michael/Lisa, Michael/someone nice.

My happily ever after for them: Personally I would probably have them date and then break up very amicably, but otherwise I think they'd be quite supportive of each other (but you'd probably have a conflict about Michael wanting kids and Lola wanting to focus on her career).

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Michael has giant little spoon energy I am sure he would love to cuddle.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: I think I wrote somewhere that Michael joins an improv troupe and Lola would also be super used to improv because acting, so they'd start just "Yes, And"-ing each other and, in that way that improv is for anyone not an edited professional, it would be much, much funnier to them than their friends.

[derschwarzeengel]

My stance on the Charmed (1998) Season 9 & 10 comics

I do not count the Charmed comics published from 2010-2012 and 2014-2016 as canon for this blog. That being said:

Most of what I know about the comics' plotlines comes from the Charmed wiki and it not sourcing any of its expanded universe info the way TARDIS Wikia does, so as a result I either completely ignore it for my fanworks or take bits and pieces of info to toy with. From what I've seen of the artwork via online scans, I wasn't that impressed. The plotlines also had me going, "hmmm, I don't like that". I think the most that fans in the fanfic/journal roleplay side of the fandom have taken from the comics are the names of Paige and Phoebe's kids.

(It's also weird to me that the Charmed wiki counts the comics as canon but not the 1999 - 2008 tie-in novels, when the novels for me have a stronger claim for being canon.)

Officially, as far as I'm aware, CBS considers both the tie-in novels and the comics canon.

both are officially licensed

the writers had to obey the rules for writing in the Charmed universe

at least one writer for the show (Greg Elliot) actually wrote a couple novels + one of the more prominent novel authors (Diana G. Gallagher) appeared in an interview on the bonus features for the season 8 DVDs

nothing drastically contradicts the lore/canon of the TV series.

There is no official statement anywhere stating the comics are non-canon, so until the lore is potentially overwritten by a televised revival (which is unlikely to happen), the comics and novels are canonical to the show (to varying degrees, IMO). There are also multiple statements from official sources that the comics are, in fact, canon to the show, as are the tie-in novels.

Personally, the novels take precedence as canon over the comics for me, and the TV show is the "main" source of canon. I also never had anywhere to physically read the comics in my area as they were first being published (still don't, really), but I did have the opportunity to read a lot of the tie-in novels during the mid-2000s thanks to my public library.

TL; DR: "Everything is canon until it isn't." Also, fandom has a very long history of ignoring canon and EU material we don't like.

Admittedly, I'm also coming at this from my years of being in the Doctor Who fandom and that show's vast expanded universe, where the novels, comics, and audios are as valid a source of canon as the TV series. (Not to mention all the spin-offs in forms of various media: Faction Paradox, Torchwood, The Sarah Jane Adventures, K-9 and Company, Gallifrey, Gordon & Litefoot, Time Hunters, Iris Wildthyme, etc.) So my perspective toward the Charmed expanded universe is kind of biased in the "yeah everything is canon, but I don't have to accept all of it for fanworks" sense.

#outofcrossbows ( OOC. )

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

#I don't actually know how to tag this #representation #maybe? #C needs help feeding the dinosaurs #because this is very much about being a fandom old #probably also #driveby meta attack #because that's where I keep my impromptu rambles #CR spoilers #technically I guess? #there's one line that references the finale #fandom history

[sineala]

How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

#Anonymous #replies

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

#Anonymous #lena

[woogurl]

(hi, it’s me again pretending as if i didn’t go on an unannounced hiatus).

yes, i’m back...for now. i’m not sure for how long. as i’m too busy these days, but i wanted to specifically make this post because it’s been bothering me for a while now. someone mentioned this in the woosan tag as well, but it’s...

non-atiny’s(and some anti-shipping atiny) who constantly feel the need to expose woosan as some cleverly put together ship that was carefully manufactured by the company. i’ve seen so many titles on youtube and posts on twitter saying how:

“woosan is obvious fanservice” and “woosan; a prime example of queerbating in kpop” 

i’ve never seen a ship be so criticized for being ‘out there’ and ‘in your face’. i’ve made a post on fanservice before but this post will mainly be focused on why i think it’s completely unfair, dishonest, homophobic, and antagonistic to view their relationship as manufactured and fake. and before you go, ‘i’m sure they’re good friends but all that other stuff is clearly done by the company.’ and don’t get me wrong, bc kq is very much aware of the ships and do try to profit off of fanservice...like every other company. but the clearest indicator of this not being MOSTLY all fanservice is something i’ve mentioned many times before.

1. the rest of the ships in ateez not being anywhere near the intimacy and skinship as woosan.

2. body language. 

3. the members THEMSELVES explaining their dynamics.

4. kq not FORCING ships.

ever since predebut and debut there’s ALWAYS been three main ships in ateez. seongjoong, yungi, and ofc woosan. 

as you could see, woosan was definitely thee most popular ship. however, i do believe their popularity grew over time because during the early era i’m sure seongjoong dominated, even on fanfic sites they dominate the amount of fanfics written about them. however, woosan’s clear comfort and intimacy with each other made them more popular among atiny’s and even non atiny’s they even had some taekookers saying their ship was realer and that’s saying something xD. 

something people really, no i mean REALLY need to understand is...doing fanservice does not invalidate an entire relationship. 

there are plenty of celeb couples who enjoy publicly dating and showing affection. 

then comes the argument of well, “if they were real they wouldn’t be so obvious about it.”

this statement bothers me because, people who believe that showing too much skinship is fanservice but then they’ll turn around and say at the same time it’s just culture???

it’s fair to see them doing their fake love dance routine and going THAT’S FANSERVICE. but looking at those moments and going ‘nah, their entire friendship gotta be fanservice.’ is delusional to me, as u like to call us shippers. 

even if you do not ship them romantically, it’s odd to me that people see two same-sex idols expressing comfortability, intimacy and skinship together and feel like if they’re too open about it or if it looks too gay then it’s....fake? even tho fans love to say it’s just apart of their culture. but if it gets too gay, then it’s fanservice. 

i can’t. xD

just because they’re completely comfortable with being intimate doesn’t mean they’re being forced to act that way...it literally just means they ARE that way. 

i constantly put emphasis on being comfortable with skinship and intimacy bc, to me that’s just not something the company can force. body language is a reaction from your true emotions and your inner most thoughts. IT IS THE FOUNDATION TO FIGURING OUT WHAT A PERSON TRULY FEELS INSIDE AS THEIR EMOTIONS WILL ALWAYS TRANSLATE THROUGH THEIR BODY. if u are uncomfortable it will be revealed through body language. and i know a ton of seongjoong shippers are gonna hate me for this, but they are a prime example of this. trust me i’m not here to start a ship war, i am purely just using them as an example of discomfort in body language. 

body language is something a company cannot control.

seongjoong show definite signs of being uncomfortable with intimacy, heck shippers use that one moment seonghwa expressed sadness bc hj hugged the other members and not him as a shipping moment lol. but even when they do hug it looks uncomfortable. my guess is bc hj is not good at expressing his feelings and isn’t a touchy person. and even tho seonghwa is comfortable with skinship, it’s understandable that it can become uncomfortable for him bc of the things i mentioned before as well as the power dynamics and age difference between them.

and here i am going to be stoned bc, i have more to say about seongjoong(don’t kill me). 

bc something the company also can’t control is what OR who the members hang out with OUTSIDE of group activities. so that’s why i’m also mentioning that i also don’t think seongjoong is as close as shippers think they are as...seonghwa mostly hangs out with woosan. and it is almost always mentioned how often woosan hang out together off camera. even early on. woosan hung out so much that it literally came to a point where yeosang felt like his bestfriend was taken from him. 

can we mention again how happy that makes san? and let’s not forget the moment woo said seonghwa was into him, but san was like. ‘you’re into me tho’ and they BOTH tried to gloss over that.

wooyoung: wHaT dO u mEaN? 

lol. people love to say how much san’s whipped for woo, but woo’s probably even more whipped. 

here’s more evidence of woosan enjoying each others company off camera. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/614348590729625600/nobody-wooyoung-san-and-i-bass-boosted#notes. 

we can even talk about a more recent moment. the ateez debate about mint chocolate. dunno what’s with these kpop idols debating about mint choco ‘cause bts did it too. lol. anyway, they ended up talking about the group dynamics. and how woosan again are always together. 

i-i’m sorry, but does moment remind y’all of a past moment? LMFAO. seonghwa’s feeling yeosang’s pain. 

seonghwa’s just like woosan says they’re tired of each other but can’t detach themselves. and here’s more evidence that the company isn’t forcing them. for those who thinks kq has some masterplan when it comes to promoting ships.

when they talk about their dynamics, jongho says he feels left out but hj exposes him and says, ‘we’ve tried to pair him with someone but he(jongho) just doesn’t do it’

so this just solidifies my statement from earlier, if the members don’t wanna promote a ship. they ain’t gonna do it. we got one or two vlives from twoho and das it. lmfao. don’t get me wrong. i’m sure jongho get along well with yunho as well as the other members, but promoting any of the other ships in ateez like woosan isn’t gonna work well. ‘cause the rest of the members don’t have the same dynamics. woosan are comfortable with skinship and being intimate with each other and the other members just are not.

another piece of evidence is the members tired reaction whenever woosan is mentioned. lmfao. 

this was so dramatic omg. but the members reactions are very telling of woosan’s relationship off screen. if woosan was just fanservice i do not believe the members would react the way they do, maybe share some knowing glances at each other like. ‘pfft, they think woosan’s real’ but their reactions are always big or very indicative of something bigger happening behind the scenes. lol. 

i’m not gonna go into too much details, bc the members reactions to woosan are an entirely different post(i got so many posts to make. xD).

Lastly Wooyoung’s Tatto. I know right? He’s very committed to fanservice guys. 

Amicus ad Aras is something that woosan made to signify their friendship, and the fact woo got a tattoo on his body of it means a lot. not to mention woo himself taking initiative to find something that represented their relationship. 

i feel like i need to reiterate that the meaning of this tattoo was to define his relationship to san specifically so it applies to san specifically. woo has many MANY friends AS WELL as bestfriends yet he got a tattoo that can only be truly applied to san and no one else. 

u can continue saying theyy’re just good friends doing fanservice, but it’s obv that woo has many good friends. so the next question u gotta answer is what separates san from the others.

#ateez #wooyoung #san #woosan #analysis