#I’ve hit a writers block and I also have a hard time writing about myself

[foibles-fables]

hi foibs, hoping you’re doing well. there’s something i’ve wanted to ask you since burning shores…can you say more about why you weren’t impressed by seyka/seyloy? i’ve valued your hzd opinions for a long time and am curious and interested to learn more about this one. but if you’d rather not answer that’s fine!

Hi nonny!! I told myself I wasn't going to answer any of these, but I really appreciate your kind tone and am happy to address this again for you!

I won't go into a list of specific reasons why here. I do enjoy a good bit of piece-by-piece analysis a LOT but--frankly, picking apart another ship in a public zone like this is not what I want to exemplify on my blog, at all. It's not the kind of environment I'd like to create or discourse I'd like to foster. If those conversations are to be had at all--which, let's face it, they're probably not--they're to be had one on one, with a promise of good faith and open-mindedness between participants.

So to answer your question, I'll give a little more info, but still in generalities.

First and foremost, it's the simple fact that their dynamic, as portrayed in HBS, didn't spark for me! If y'all know me, you know that there is a very specific ship dynamic that I tend to latch onto, and this repeats ad infinitum across fandoms. I just wasn't compelled by the material, which is fine! More power to you if you were, for sure.

That loops into the second reason I'll give: yes, I did find the writing of HBS to be lackluster in many aspects, including the relationship between Aloy and Seyka. The sloppy writing absolutely influenced the way I viewed/reacted to Aloy and Seyka as a ship. To me, it did feel rushed and very much removed from the character and pacing of the series we've known for years. And that was not a boon for connecting with the presented narrative, the same way I began to feel disconnected from HFW. Once again, though, totally subjective and valid if it did hit for you!

I wanted to like Seyka so much more than I did. (This is--as I've shared other posts before--commentary on the writer's room character work, not on Seyka.) I wanted her to oust Alva as my favorite Quen babygirl (A HARD CHALLENGE, I'll admit). I wanted to be compelled by her, and by her dynamic with Aloy. She didn't, and I wasn't. And that's not an attack on Seyka herself, or on folks who enjoyed her. That's my own peeve with the writing and the way she was presented both in the narrative and in the HBS marketing.

If I can also use your ask to be a little vulnerable, nonny? It's been a hard six weeks. I feel like the posts I've put up and the opinions I've offered with regards to this have been nothing less than respectful and pleasant and, in a lot of cases, that grace hasn't been returned. From being blocked/unfollowed/vagued by other Horizon wlw shippers with whom I've built a rapport over the years (which of COURSE it's anyone's right to curate their feeds--still stings on the other side, in this situation especially)--to being directly compared to the Actual Homophobes for supporting the idea of romance options in game three (the same Actual Homophobes sending death and other threats directly to my inboxes)--it's an unfortunate state. I'm doing my best to be positive for the whole fandom, but some days it's harder than others.

In any case--I'll say, contradictorily--there is a Seyloy idea I've been working on, in attempts to connect more with them and sublimate my quibbles with what was presented in canon. So I hope any Seyloy enjoyers who might read it eventually (and this!) will take it in good faith when it's finished, as it's being written in nothing but good faith!

And, FINALLY, because every single time this question comes up, I say "I DON'T DISLIKE SEYKA" out loud in Nadja's voice, and this is the perfect opportunity to finally make the joke in public:

#again I appreciate you nonny and thank you for asking so genuinely! #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #horizon burning shores #horizon critical #seyka #not tagging the ship in a critical post because we don't do that here my siblings in GAIA

[bitchyglitterfox]

Closer - Kara Danvers x F!Reader

Warnings: almost death, fluff, gaaaaaay, gxg, dumbasses in love

A/n: SOME ONE CALL THE PRESS LIV IS FINALLY WRITING A FEM X FEM FIC! and its with my fav JLA member! I restarted supergirl recently since I never finished the first time round. I love Kara so much and i hope you all love this fic one as well.

*********

I was taking a short break, writer's block had hit me hard this time around. What could one say about super girl that hasn't already been written about the caped heroine. She was gorgeous, kind and a national treasure much like her cousin.

Which is why I decided to hopefully get rid of this stupid writers block by getting fresh air on top of the Catco building, I was always able to just clear my head up here listening to the sounds of National city below.

I was stupidly in my opinion walking rather close to the edge of the building when I hear the roof access door open.

Two very familiar voices seem to be in a small argument. I stop my pacing to eavesdrop, who knows it may be more entertaining than just my own thoughts.

“Kara, you have to tell her. Your love struck eyes are starting to slightly gross me out,” one voice says, I realize it’s winn, one of my coworkers who sits just diagonal of me in the office, “I’m pretty sure by the way she looks at you she also has feelings for you”.

“Winn! Stop, it’s not that easy, besides we don’t even know if she even likes girls! I don’t want to get my hopes up,” Kara sighs sadly, my heart breaks a bit thinking that my long-time crush might have fallen for another.

“Kara, she has a 3 pride flags on her desk, plus she was just telling Janice about the new gay bar that opened up downtown not to long ago,” was winn talking about me? Kara Danvers, has a crush on me?

I try to step closer to hear a bit more of the now very interesting conversation between the two friends when my foot makes contact with an air conditioning duct and it makes a loud noise.

I look up to see Kara standing in front of me with a shocked look on her face and Winn with a smirk.

“Ugh, I am just gonna go, yeah I’m just gonna go back to my office and you guys can forget that I was ever here” I say starting to back away forgetting how close to the edge I was until it was too late.

I didn't process what was happening until I felt the free fall. I saw Kara’s scared face and her reaching her hands out but it all happened so fast. As soon as I felt the wind blow past my hair as I fell, I saw a flash of blonde hair and I felt something solid and warm wrap around me. I was once again on the roof of Catco.

When I feel myself being let go I lurch forward and release everything that was in my stomach. Once I am finished, I look behind me and see Kara and her disheveled outfit, all wrinkled from catching me. Wait wait wait, she saved me. How is that even possible unless she’s…

“YOUR SUPERGIRL?!”

“Surprise,” she says nonchalantly as though it was no big deal, however her face soon changes to one of concern. She holds my own face in her hands examining me, “How could you act so recklessly! You could have died, if I didn’t have my powers I could have lost you!”

“I am so sorry Kara,” I say, my lip quivering when the reality of my fall finally hits me.

She pulls me into the tightest hug I’ve ever had, the tears fall free as we embrace, I pull back after a short recess of crying, to look into her green eyes “So I assume after this traumatizing event it’s too soon to ask you out on a date?”

She smiles her gorgeous smile and shakes her head yes, guess I finally do have an article to write out the amazing supergirl.

SUPERGIRL FINDS LOVE

#bitchyglitterfox writes #dcu comics #kara danvers x reader #kara danvers #dc comics #arrowverse #arrowverse supergirl

[justjstuff]

Babes. I really appreciate all the asks about Daughter of Fire! It makes me happy to see that people love it as much as I do, I just gotta ask something of y’all. Please leave a review before sending an ask here! I noticed a lot of you don’t do that (not to mention the anon asks that I can’t possibly know if they did comment or not) and I just wanna explain a bit why it matters. I don’t know if u guys have been around here for as long as I have but the fandom culture changed a lot over the years, not all of it for the better. Five, ten years ago, it used to be the norm to comment on almost every single fic you read, in every chapter. There used to be discussions in the comment section, readers answering readers and sparking conversation… just genuinely a lot more interaction than nowadays. I’ve mentioned this before but I felt like writing another post about it.

Please notice that I’m not saying “don’t ever send me an ask about DoF again” or “you should be giving me comments NOW!!!”. I’ve just been scrolling through my endless unanswered asks and noticed that there were a lot like those I mentioned.

Now, I know sometimes it’s hard to send a review. I, myself, sometimes get so anxious just by the thought of writing a comment that I just don’t even read the fic/chapter. But notice how this is aimed towards the people who already took the time off their day to sit down on Tumblr and send me an ask. It would take the same amount of time to drop a review! And you can even do it anonymously too!

Anyways, this isn’t a complaint, I’m just always a bit sad to see that this is the way we led fandom culture? I know it might seem a bit disingenuous to be saying that when DoF has the reach it has but keep in mind that I also write other fics and most of them only get a little bit of engagement. It’s honestly disheartening because while I don’t write fanfiction for the comments, I do share it for them. I could just write them and satisfy that need and keep it to myself, never putting myself out there so others might judge me but I do because I love the fanfiction community and I love interacting with it.

I also noticed that authors who don’t have their social media linked tend to have more engagement in the comment section and that’s kinda what this post is about. Although we don’t comment as much as we did back in the days, it’s still the way some people choose to give fics their time of day, they see if there’s a lot of hits/kudos/comments before even giving it a try. So it does matter in a way that the engagement gets through other media only like some of the asks here! I’m not saying stop interacting with me here and keep only to the comment section, even because I chose to link all my social media because I love interacting w y’all in a deeper level here and on twt and other platforms but like. If you do choose to reach out to me, don’t forget to leave a review!

As I’m writing this I’m already regretting it lmao I don’t want to seem ungrateful and nitpicky but in the end I’m forcing myself to post this because it might spark some conversation and I do know a lot of authors feel like I do. We’re seeing how much writing isn’t being valued in our society and that’s kind of the same in fandom culture imo and I dunno. What do y’all think?

Love u to bits and I’ll see you soon 🖤

Oh, btw! Regarding the next DoF update!!! I can’t, and really it’s more like I don’t want to, give you guys a precise date. I struggled for quite some time with feeling like DoF was a chore, a job I had to keep up otherwise I would let everyone down and that (and some other stuff) led me to the biggest writer’s block I’ve ever had in my life. I’m just now trying to reconnect with that part of me that loves writing and finds actual enjoyment in tackling this huge and complex fic (and any and all writing tbh), so I don’t want to slip back into that same pattern I had before. I don’t like the term hiatus for fanfiction because it gives me this notion that the author is obligated to go back to the fic when in fact they’re not (unless the fic has a set update schedule and the author is letting u know when they’ll be back). No one is getting paid for this and most of us study and work full time jobs before coming and sharing something that can be really personal with strangers on the internet. If an author wants to drop their fic and never come back to fandom life than that’s their prerogative. We as fanfic readers kinda sign that unwritten contract that when we start reading an unfinished fic we might never get to see the end of it. However, I like the term hiatus because it illustrates my point with this which is: I’m not done with Daughter of Fire. I just don’t know when I’ll update next. Rest assured that if I ever decided to let it go, I would let everyone know. I would release all the chapters I have written, I would give y’all all of my notes and unfinished drafts and lone scenes, I would give you the document where I tell you step by step what would happen until the very end of the fic (and the sequel I have planed for it 👀). And I would also leave it open to anyone who wants to continue it to pick it up and give it a try. As it stands, I’m nowhere near done with Daughter of Fire 🖤

#daughter of fire #dof #kakasaku #fandom #fandom life #fandom culture #fanfic culture #fanfic #fanfiction #just me being silly #and talking mostly at myself lol #i love y’all

[shrekgogurt]

Oh by gosh by golly, I miss writing for fun. I listen to my fic playlists and get sad because I do not have time and then I get mean to myself because I do not have time and the reason I do not have time is my own fault. Do you see the blame game happening?

In between writing my god papers, I have been taking the time to draft little thoughts ‘On Loving Being a Woman, as a Cis Woman Desperately Avoiding the TERF Traps’ in my notes app. The TLDR so far is: “I’m a woman because I love being one. It’s a deep knowing; my body feels warm and fuzzy when I think about it. In turn, I’m a cis woman simply because society happened to guess right when I was born.” I have also been working on editing a Captain Von Trapp thirst trap in my enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to lov…Adobe Premiere. I’m going balls to the walls on it. What lovely priorities I have!

I have also been playing around on my guitar more and improving! I’m no star, but it has been a fun break from using my academic brain. It gets my body moving and makes my ADHD sing. I’ve been paired with my COBB writer for my artist responsibilities and I’m excited to get to songwriting! Speaking of songwriting (not fandom related) I have this chorus of a miscellaneous song I haven’t fully written that I am obsessed with:

I have not touched Escape to Space since February 5th and am feeling so incredibly guilty about it. This is sort of a combination of vague writer’s block (I have some ideas and scene fragments but no end goal yet which makes things hard) and no time. I would say if anyone wants to be someone I can bounce ideas off of I am game but it’s not feasible for me to carve out that space right now. Spring break is next week but I have to spend that time drafting the second part of my thesis. Truly, don’t go to grad school friends.

I have been especially missing IKAB, IKAM so very desperately. I might just chug along a little bit a day for an outlet. Oooooop look at me! I did just that!

(flashback, year 11 aka fifth year)

The scent of him hits my nostrils and it’s effort not to make a face. Great. Weed too. We have a bloody match tomorrow and his eyes are fucking bloodshot. I’m fully minging at this point. Only Baz would flaunt his privilege like this. He can afford to lounge on a roof breaking every rule because someone will bail him out. Meanwhile, it’s people like me who will do all the heavy lifting. I briefly consider letting go, watching him stumble off the ledge to the ground five stories below. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, or maybe it’s just the stench.

“We’re both rather tragic, aren’t we?” Baz mutters. I can only hear him because he’s leaning into me. His breath is airy on my ear. It makes me twitchy. I recoil on instinct.

“You think this makes you tragic? Stargazing?”

Alright! I feel like that’s enough for this post! Tagging as a thank you for keeping me in the loop this past month even though I haven’t been active with SSS and WIPsday: @artsyunderstudy @theimpossibledemon @palimpsessed @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @larkral @fatalfangirl @letraspal @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ileadacharmedlife @captain-aralias @forabeatofadrum @ivelovedhimthroughworse @blackberrysummerblog @confused-bi-queer @cutestkilla you are much loved! Now, making my rounds and tagging the rest of my beloved mutuals: @gekkoinapeartree @boyinjeans @technetiumai @takenabackbytuesdays @ninemagicks @yeonjunenby @cows4247 @sillyunicorn @upuntil6am @excalisbury @takitalks @foolofabookwyrm-activated @dragoneggos @carryonmylovelies @giishu @messofthejess @aristocratic-otter @ic3-que3n @nausikaaa @thewholelemon @taramemberence @yellobb-old @whogaveyoupermission @moodandmist @asocialpessimist @onepintobean @umdiasujo @erzbethluna @bazzybelle @johnwgrey @raenestee @martsonmars @ebbpettier WHEWWWWWW okay I think that’s everyone! I’m sorry if I missed you!!!!

#im gonna go enjoy the sunshine #and pray to the high heavens that this mysterious itchy bump on my chin #is just a stress hive #and not another cold sore #as the one on my lip is on the tale end of healing #also let me know if my use of welsh slang is actually cringe #im just using google and trying my best

[texturralize]

Writer of my broken soul. What has happened to the svss fics? Are you okay? Who do I need to fight for you cause I rely on those fics more than an online shopper relies on their credit card.

it’s just..kind of a unfortunate timing kinda thing..something just really discouraged me and hit on some social trauma I have and I’ve been in a funk and need to take a break from my sv fanfic. the other night I sat down to write and someone messaged me on twt to join a sj fan server.

I got super excited bc I still hadn’t ever found a sj focused server and he is (obviously) my fave. when I got in, someone mentioned being fan of my fics. so I searched them just bc I was kinda curious. well..there were a few nitpicks things here and there which is fine. but ig one of my fics, because I forgot a tag, showed up in some people’s feed even when they set their filters, and it bothered them. there were some really hurtful things said..stuff like oh you can’t trust this author, can’t believe they did this, it was disingenuous, they wanted to toss themself down the stairs from sheer disgust, it was creepy, people wanted to block me, they felt mad anytime they saw my name…it was bordering on fic/author bashing and I was shocked the conversation just continued like normal and was allowed…so I got uncomfortable and left the server.

I don’t really blame the server itself or the people who talked about me, multiple people have sent me DMs saying they felt bad and like my work and that was really sweet. one of the people who said stuff also apologized for it so it’s not like I hold a grudge. it’s just, stuff like this is kind of hard to deal with for me. it’s not that I’ve never encountered hate comments or anything on the internet, I think I was just blindsided by the situation..no one expects to encounter stuff like that in what should be a safe space for fun and ideas you were invited to. I let myself get excited and wasn’t expecting it so it really affected me.

it’s just unfortunate that it happened in that way because though I’m sure no one specifically meant to hurt me, like I said, this kind of triggered some social trauma for me. as someone who grew up with undiagnosed autism, I’ve often felt hurt and silly when I entered spaces and didn’t realize people didn’t like me until too late. I spent a long time unable to explain why I felt certain ways when these things happened bc I didn’t even understand the way my own brain worked. I also have a very direct way of communicating and don’t say things unless I mean them, so the idea of venting and being aggressive abt something but not ‘really meaning it’ is hard for me; it’s hard to understand that someone could say such cruel stuff but not take it seriously. so my brain catastrophizes and won’t let me forget what happened and there’s dysphoria when I perceive rejection, dislike, aggression, etc. BECAUSE I take those things so seriously. and I also would never bash someone or their fic bc I know fic is made from love and is 100% free so it’s hard for me to get past it y’know?

just to reiterate..I’m not mad at anyone, I don’t think anyone is a bad person. they said they made a mistake speaking like that about someone and will keep in mind what I said when we talked. I’m sure there are plenty of people in that server who like my stuff and don’t want to see me discouraged…

god, it’s just really hard, you know? it’s been a while since something really managed to hurt my feelings. I guess I just felt stupid, and kind of humiliated. it’s that feeling of walking into a room only to realize you’re the punchline…

so..yeah it just kind of has me in a funk, as someone who’s struggled to make friends and connections in fandom too despite how ‘easy’ it’s supposed to be. I’m still kind of disappointed that something I got excited over exploded so much in my face and didn’t work out. but overall I mostly just tripped into a depression spell and it’s making me feel bad to look at my work so..I decided to take a break from it. to people who like my stuff…I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to take anything away from people who really liked it. I just want to feel better.

the last time I felt this bad was a few years ago, when someone did something really horrible to me and it upset me so much and took the joy out of the fandom I was creating content for, because it was something we did together. I’m not really upset over the specifics of what was said, just the experience and how similar it was to things I’ve went through in the past. I’m upset over the fact I don’t feel like it’s fun to write right now, and I don’t want to lose this special interest like I did my last one…so yeah, just kind of sucks overall.

I hope no one feels bad about what happened for a long time. just..unfortunately, I probably will, and maybe taking a break will help..idk

sorry :(

[yanderecrazysie]

U um this may be strange haha, but what do you think about yandere bully oikawa with a slight masochist reader? 🥺👉👈 i just think thatd be hot dynamic

This is such an interesting idea omg- I’ve never written a masochistic character and I am not one myself, so I may get things wrong! I apologize if I do!

I was trying to think of how it would go yandere but I thought like: What if Reader was bullied by other people and is totally into it too and Oikawa’s like “hold up- she’s mine”.

I’m pretty sure this turned out very badly- my writer’s block was hitting me hard and I messed around with this for a long time. I am not good at writing masochism or sadism I don’t think XD I just don’t like pain, so I guess it’s hard for me to put myself in that mindset when writing.

I’m so, so, so sorry for how late, short, and terrible this is. ;-;

Also don’t be embarrassed by your kinks everyone this is just a story adfsfdghfjhhg.

Title: Abashed

Pairings: Oikawa x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, heavy degradation (but reader is into it), masochist reader, jealousy, physical harm towards the reader, bullying, suggestive content, reader is a little embarrassed by their kink, Oikawa doesn’t take well to competition

Summary: A masochist and a bully- a stereotypical match made in heaven. Only, you’re not about to tell anyone you enjoy it and your bully is a little more possessive over you than he has any right to be.

abashed

/adjective/

embarrassed, disconcerted, or ashamed.

If there’s anyone you should’ve hated in life it was Oikawa Tooru. You should hate him, despise him. You should loathe his existence and avoid him like your life depended on it.

He seemed to be unable to resist the temptation to hurt you. Perhaps he was a sadist or maybe he just wanted someone to take some of his anger out on. His interactions with you ranged from you being referred to as “a slut” to limping away with new bruises stretching across your stomach. Whether he was dumping milk on your head, insulting you, or flat out beating you up, it was obvious that Oikawa should be your least favorite person on the planet.

You should hate him.

But you don’t.

“How does it feel being so utterly helpless and useless?” Oikawa’s voice assaulted your ears from somewhere above. You couldn’t see him with your face pressed so close to the gym floor, his sneaker placed on the back of your skull if only to force you closer to that dirty surface.

Anyone else in your position might be crying or struggling against his cruel torment. They might have fought back or told him off for his behavior. They might have even thrown a punch or two.

But you? It was all you could do to focus on keeping the blood from rushing to your face and the heat from pooling in your gut.

For some reason- a reason you hated with all your heart- you enjoyed being treated this way. Something about being at someone else’s mercy… something about being degraded like you were worth nothing more than a speck of dust…

Well, it turned you on like nothing else.

And while there were plenty of fangirls that wouldn’t mind taking your place and some who would kill to do so, it wasn’t the fact that your tormentor was Oikawa that you were always left a hot and bothered mess in his wake. Although you’d never breathe a word about how much you enjoyed that treatment to anyone.

It was embarrassing- to be treated so badly in front of everyone without fighting back- to be utterly humiliated in front of your classmates- and to enjoy it. To crave it. To almost look forward to seeing that brown-haired bully every goddamn day.

“What? No response? I thought you liked using that big mouth of yours.” Oikawa’s words still reached your ears, even in your hazy state. You wondered what you looked like from his perspective.

For Oikawa, that was an easy answer.

Beautiful.

Your little shocked expression whenever he manhandled you was just so cute to him. The way that you always gaped back at him with a glazed over stare had him shivering in ecstasy.

He wasn’t sure why you reacted the way you did, only that he adored your reactions. Always struck so dumb by just the smallest shove or insult.

Maybe he was a sadist- no, scratch that, he definitely was a sadist. He wanted to see tears pooling in your eyes and hear your pretty little voice begging him to stop.

A part of him knew he should probably be kinder to you. He should court you like a decent human being and treat you like a precious porcelain doll if he wants you to like him.

But he doesn’t want to, so he won’t. He’s never been the type to bow to others so, no matter how much he likes you, he’ll wait for you to give in to him. He’s a patient man and it’s clear to him that you’re breaking.

What else could your blank-eyed stare and little shivers mean?

And, in a way, maybe you were breaking. But it wasn’t that you were falling in love with Oikawa, or anything like that. No, you were giving in to your physical desires and bending to the pleasure that you received from mistreatment.

Oikawa was quick to notice that you didn’t go out of your way to avoid him anymore. His cruelty was paired with a dash of care- his degradation more like some sick sort of twisted praise.

But even with you giving in to his pressure, he wasn’t secure enough to demand or even threaten you to be his. He wanted you completely crushed under his thumb before he’d try to make you sit in the palms of his hands.

It’s everything he wanted in life. You were everything he wanted. Once he had finally broken you, he could have you all to himself to do whatever he’d like with. When he had finished breaking you down, he’d build you back up however he wanted to.

One of his calloused hands carded through your hair as you looked up at him pitifully. As his thumb swiped a droplet of blood from your cheek, inadvertently smearing it on your skin, he couldn’t help but consider himself the luckiest man alive just to be able to be this close to you.

You had always wondered if Oikawa thought he was special to you in some way. You wondered if he thought he was your only bully and that he was the only one that brought you the delicious mix of pain and pleasure every day.

If the expression on his face was anything to go by, you were probably right in guessing that he thought he was the only one to bother you. He seemed completely blown away by what he was seeing, the expression in his eyes broken and horrified.

The position you were in was similar to how he’d had you yesterday, except the main boy’s boot was placed on the small of your back and not your head. His two lackeys held each of your arms at an agonizing angle, one of them tugging occasionally until it felt like the tendons in your left arm would rip.

“What’s going on here?”

He had no right to sound as angry as he did, you thought hazily. He was just as bad, if not worse. The only reason everyone bullied you in the first place was because Oikawa made an example of you.

The pressure on your back lifted suddenly and a grunt of pain sounded from the bully above you. When you looked up, you saw a seething Oikawa landing a second blow to the boy’s jaw, causing him to stagger backwards and trip over the goon on your right arm.

It didn’t take long for the bully’s friends to realize the ever-popular Oikawa wasn’t as pleased by their behavior as they’d expected he’d be and they fled the scene, leaving their leader splayed out on the ground, still receiving harsh punches from the popular athlete above him.

You raise yourself from the ground, slowly and carefully, wincing from the new wounds scattered across your skin. A hand wraps around your bruised forearm and you’re dragged to your feet by force.

The warm hand leaves your arm and moves to slide against your cheek with uncharacteristic gentleness.

“Oikawa….” You aren’t sure what you were meaning to say and you’re in too much shock to figure out the words now.

“Don’t worry, princess,” his chocolate brown eyes were warm and fond for once, “I won’t hurt you. And I’ll make sure no one else does either. Just stay by my side and no one will ever hurt you again, okay?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, intertwining his fingers with yours and tugging you alongside him as he walks away from the scene. You couldn’t hope to slow him down, nearly tripping over your own feet as you hurried to keep pace with his longer legs.

You bit your lip, wondering if, perhaps, you should speak up and ask him to keep mistreating you like you secretly wanted. After all, if you had to be with him, you’d at least like him to give you something in return.

But no, you were too embarrassed to admit that you enjoyed everything he did to you. Maybe one day, if you couldn’t take having him by your side any longer, you’d tell him. Then he’d either give you what you wanted, or you’d make it so awkward that he’d leave you alone.

You probably wouldn’t have to worry about that though.

If that cruel glint in his eyes and sadistic edge to his possessive gaze was any indication, you’d be getting your secret desire without saying a word.

#yandere #yandere oikawa #oikawa tooru #yandere haikyuu #haikyuu!! #yandere one shot #one shot

[darlingpoppet]

Fic wrap-up 2023

Words published: 87,832 according to the AO3 stats… the first two chapters of WTDF were actually published last year but I guess since I also published some stuff not on AO3 yet it mostly makes up for it haha

3 fanfics with the most kudos in 2023:

1. Closest To My Heart (156)

2. Where The Dead Forget (137)

3. Flourishing Into Greatness (119)

(As of 12/29)

Your first fanfic in 2023:

I published WTDF Ch 3 in January, but the first new fic I started & finished in 2023 was LoveSick Arrows (wrote in Feb, submitted in March, published in May)

Your last fanfic in 2023:

WTDF Ch 6! Maybe not as far along as I originally envisioned but progress is progress! I’m doing my best uwu

Favorite opening line from a fic in 2023:

Zagreus stumbles upon the glade where Patroclus resides, and not for the first time, the sight of him makes his breath hitch a little. From chapter 2 of Closest To My Heart

I feel like I’m much better at writing endings than beginnings so answering this one was a bit tricky for me… I suppose I like this one best because it set the tone right away & has me asking questions about it (why does spotting Patroclus make Zagreus’ breath hitch? Why isn’t it the first time??) I also really like the ending to this chapter too but uhhh it’s kind of a bummer lmao

Favorite closing line from a fic in 2023:

At last. Everything will now be as it once was. From Closest To My Heart

I love it for all the layers of context that makes it hit harder, the contrast with a passage saying the opposite in the previous chapter, etc

My other favorite closing line is the one from LoveSick Arrows, which simply goes: “The pleasure is all mine,” he answers. But it doesn’t really have much impact out of context… you also need the question asked at the beginning of the scene & everything in between but it’s too long for purposes of this meme lol

Oh and since I mentioned it earlier, here’s also the ending to Closest To My Heart Ch 2: It is only when he spots a golden spear among the collection that his body catches up with the rest of him, and he vomits, suddenly and violently onto the ground before it, like a libation poured onto a sacred altar.

Fic I’m most proud of in 2023:

I’ve been saying all year that Closest To My Heart is the one I’m most proud of because I was totally ~in the zone~ the entire time I was writing it and it came out exactly the way I envisioned it, so I can say it’s the fic from 2023 I can look back on as representative of where my writing abilities were this year (like Upon A Lazy Bed was for 2022)

BUT when I really think about it I’m also super proud of myself for working so hard on Where The Dead Forget this year! It’s going gradually and seems to get longer the more I work on it but I spent a TON of time thinking about it, writing, taking notes, and doing my best to tell a long form narrative for the first time ever and I’m super proud of myself for simply attempting a challenge like this. I had to overcome a really nasty month-long case of writer’s block in order to finish chapter 4 which was AGONY since it still took another three months after that to finally complete… so overcoming all that felt SO good and I feel like if I could overcome that I can overcome anything. I said from the beginning that I don’t think it’ll reinvent the wheel or anything with this story, but I’m enjoying the process of telling a version of these tropes and myths.

#emica chat #my fics #where the dead forget #my 2023 fic recs is next! #i got this meme from jo a couple weeks ago but didn’t have time to answer since I was in editing hell #i wanted to get WTDF Ch 6 in under the wire lol #patrochilles #eruri #bottom erwin

[yellowflowerbub]

Treachery (willnotbefinished)

a/n: I've never been a huge fan of having children of my own but I thought of this idea for angst a couple of days ago and just said why not, y'know? This is also a good chance to practice my writing for Ijichi since I've yet to write for him.

a/n2: sorry if the ending seemed a little abrupt. I wokred too hard on this and went into a writers block but I needed to get some content out or my page would be too dry 

ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘(𝕤): Ijichi x Fem!Reader

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘(𝕤): Reader has a child (toddler 3-5), Angst, Argument between characters

"How would you like to be the father of my child?"

The clearest memory he had of you was the first time he'd officially met you. Of course he'd been warned- informed of your interesting nature but he hadn't expected that to be one of the first things you'd ask him upon your meeting.

He violently shook his head, embarrassment taking the shape of a light pink on his cheeks, "I couldn't possibly do that! You don't even know me and I have little to no experience with children," He glances down at the small child clutching the side of your pants, "Of that age."

__

Pushing the stroller down the store's isles would've been easier if there were only a child in it. Instead, it was attached to a cart with various toddler necessities including the toddler themselves who shouldn't have been inside of the cart in the first place. Though the child smiled at him he couldn't help but frown.

"Hey. Cheer up, alright. I know I said we'd leave soon but I really do need to get all this stuff." You reassure him.

Ijichi turns his head your direction, not looking directly at you, "That's not a problem. I don't exactly mind being in this store with you, it's just this cart is um- a little heavy." He gives a particularly hard push to turn the corner from a wheel spinning in the wrong direction.

You laugh, lightly hitting his shoulder with the back of your hand. "Sorry, guess we got unlucky with our cart but I'm sure you can pull through. Don't you work out at all?"

He turns his head back to the cart, suddenly finding the label of pull-ups strangely interesting, "S-sometimes of course but nothing too... intense. I go bike riding from time to time if that counts?"

"Really?"

"Yes?"

"Sorry, I just can't really picture you being active." You snicker, "You just don't look like it at first but now I can definitely see it. Like bulky helmets and knee pads too. Maybe even a bell."

"I don't see what's so funny about me taking precautions when doing something dangerous." He states, rolling his eyes.

"You think riding a city bike on the sidewalk is dangerous?"

__

Ijichi sat on the soft couch with his legs glued together and his back unreasonably straight. His butt sank into the couch making it harder to maintain his posture. If it wasn't already obvious how deeply uncomfortable he was, his forehead broke into a cold sweat and his mouth tugged upwards into a thin line. His proper demeanor was really emphasized and a lot more evident than normal.

"Is something wrong? I promise I won't force you to stay if you don't want to. Your shift is over." You worry, walking towards the man and setting a cup of water on the coffee table in front of you.

"No, no! Not at all! I have nowhere to be really. I would've just been laying at home by myself anyways. What makes you think that?" Ijichi manages to say whilst mentally scolding himself for over sharing.

"I'd say your whole," You circle your hand around in his general area, "stance that you've got going here. I mean, who sits on a couch like that?"

Letting his back slouch, he looks over to you, "Is it bad that I sit like this?"

"Not necessarily."

"..."

"Besides that, Bubba's sleeping now or at least they should be. They've been fighting to stay up past eight lately."

Ijichi smiles softly, "That's good I'm glad to hear that." 

You return the smile and take a seat next to him, making the couch sink slightly. He stiffens, although having already been stiff, and involuntarily leans towards you; his balance now off. You crane your neck to gaze at the man, studying his appearance. Your eyes land on his hair, usually a calm bedhead in a barely noticeable middle part but today it looked neat. Or shiny per say, had he put grease in it, maybe? You almost fixed your mouth to compliment him but he suddenly spoke.

“W-was there something you needed my help with?” He asks,  “A-and correct m-me if I’m wrong but it didn’t seem like you needed help with your child. You were already putting them down for bed when I got here.” 

“No, no. You’re right.” You admit. “I’d actually called you here to ask you something if that’s fine with you.” 

“Yes, of course. Ask away.” 

“Did anyone tell you about... why you’re actually here? For this job I mean.”

Ijichi’s shoulders rise and fall, somehow relieved your question is work related. “Yes. I’m here to take care of your child while you go off on temporary missions.”

“Yes, exactly. What I do believe they haven’t informed you of is the fact that you’ve been training all this time. For the real deal. In about a couple weeks from now, I’ll be going on a long term mission. It’ll be just like today. I’ll put Bubba down for bed but I leave for a flight right after.” You explain. Ijichi’s brows furrow as you talk, not out of confusion but of how much he understood what was being told to him.

“So you want me to babysit while you're gone. How long do you plan on being out for the mission?”

“Unfortunately, that’s not up to me. It depends on how well the curses hide.”

Concern begins to take shape on his face, “What level are the curses?”

“I-I don’t know. They don’t know. The highest level is thought to be a special grad-”

“A SPECIAL GRADE!” Ijichi yells. You quickly shush him, gesturing to your child’s bedroom.

“I’m sorry but do you see how outrageous and dangerous that is. You are a second grade sorcerer and you aren’t invincible.” He reasons as he turns his body to face yours.

“You know how the higher ups are about moving sorcerers up the ladder, Ijichi. I’m sure I rank at least a first grade if not a special.” You reason although it didn’t seem like he was actually listening.

“Y-yes, I do know but we both know that even special grade sorcerers d-die from curses all the time and way more than normal lately.”

“Which is exactly why they need me, Ijichi. Innocent people will die if I don’t.”

“And what if you d-die?” He asks as he scoots closer toward you. “You might think you’re being considerate a-a-and empathetic but your being m-more selfish than those higher ups.” 

__

Although Ijichi verbally fought with you, the stubbornness within you never went away. Despite him being drastically concerned, he didn’t wish to over step his boundaries more than he already had. The relationship between the two of you was and always has been employee to boss with him being the employee and that fact he was well aware of.

Just as you said, you left for a flight around a month later. 

#jjk ijichi #ijichi x reader #ijichi #ijichi x you #ijichi x y/n #jujutsu kaisen ijichi #ijichi jujutsu kaisen #ijichi angst #ijichi fluff #ijichi kiyotaka

[coffeedrgn87]

2023: Notes On Writing

It’s the 1st of December today, which means that 2023 is officially on its way out. 30 days left before 2024 takes over.

This post is me choosing to reflect on the writing I did throughout 2023, and it saddens me to realise that I didn’t do much writing at all. I had a quick glance at my AO3 stats and they tell me that my word count for the year stands at 96,633, spread out over six stories. One of those is an ongoing multi-chapter sequel to a series I’ve been writing on for a while.

While some may say that just under 97K is quite the achievement for 11 months, to me it feels like peanuts. Especially when I compare it to the nearly 518K words I wrote in 2022. This made me curious and interestingly, in 2021 I only wrote a little under 100K while I finished 2020 with 325K under my belt. 2019 was apparently my most prolific year with record-breaking 863K words. Even 2018, which marks the year I returned to writing (after an almost 7-year-long hiatus), beats 2023 by a whooping 50K (according to AO3 I published just under 149K in 2018).

Now, I know that numbers shouldn’t matter and that it should always be quality over quantity, but for someone who enjoys writing immensely, 97K feels like nothing. Granted, 2023 wasn’t the easiest year. A lot of big things happened for me this year and a lot of those things took a lot of time, required focus, and drained me mentally and physically.

Having said that, throughout the year there have been plenty of moments where I desperately wanted to write but didn’t have the energy to actually follow through. Those moments still hang about. I don’t really want them to, mainly because I do have a couple of good ideas, but also because the longer I feel this way, the harder it gets to give myself a good kick up the arse. I seem to be floating in a world between inspiration and writer’s block, and while I’m all for breaking the binary, I’d much rather stick around with my pals Inspiration and Muse.

If I’m being bluntly honest, when it comes to writing fanfiction the spark isn’t quite there any more. I wrote a lot of stories for the Harry Potter fandom, and I love the characters to bits (but also fuck you, JKR you absolute TERF!), but these days, I find it hard to write them. I’ve never felt part of the fandom, never even felt welcome, but I always carried on writing while simultaneously trying my hardest not to think too much about it. Not the easiest thing to do when you battle anxiety, are a complete hermit, get easily overwhelmed in group chats, and don’t have the best track record when it comes to confidence. Add to that that I’m far more likely to receive hate for my Harry Potter works, and what you’ve got is a slowly fraying rope.

Luckily, I was able to find solace in the Captive Prince fandom. Although, I did go into a tailspin just after finishing the trilogy. I questioned all my writing, was seconds away from deleting all my published works, and seriously considered never again using a keyboard for the express purpose of creating a fictional piece of writing.

That tailspin was short-lived though, and instead of following through on this mad idea of giving up writing altogether, I channelled all my fear, frustration, confusion, and anxiety into propelling my writing forward. I created a couple of works that gave me immense joy and propelled me forward, boosting my confidence. It wasn’t as though I was getting a ton of hits and a flood of comments, but there was something about those creations that drew me in in a way my older works never did and still don’t.

Personally, I feel like my writing has improved vastly over the last two years, and although it won’t ever be perfect (there’s no such thing!), I finally reached a stage where I am a different kind of proud. I want to nurture that pride, encourage it to grow, but I am seriously wondering whether writing fanfiction is going to give me that opportunity. I still enjoy penning the one or other short story, but the more I think about it, the fonder I become of the idea of devoting 2024 to the creation of a book. I want to write a queer, kinky, wholesome love story. I want to write something that represents the various parts that make me who I am. I’m still sceptical about the whole thing and my skills, but I feel like I’ve got to at least try. I mean, I don’t necessarily have to write the book with the intention of getting it published or self-publishing it, but I sense that this is the direction into which I’ve got to stretch my wings.

I’m not going to make it a resolution for the new year, that would be an idiotic idea, but I reckon it’s high tide for me to finally tick off an item that’s been sitting on my bucket list, catching dust, since I was an impressionable teen.

#coffeedragon writes #coffeedragon muses #my thoughts #my writing #looking back #looking forward #life of a writer #writing is hard #notes on writing #notes on creativity #about writing #writing stuff #original writing #writing #being a writer #writer’s block #writer’s life #fandom life #fandom #inclusion #toxicity #positive mindset #i’m trying #five years of writing #what’s next?

[dontcallmecarrie]

For anyone wondering what’s going on with BDEL, Darth Calamity and...basically 99% of my AUs: every time I write, stuff going on in my life keeps coming out. Which normally isn’t bad, but we’re talking soap opera levels here. Like, ‘any more and I might as well write a biography’, and that’s Not Fun on a number of levels.

So, status update/ my internal narration on what keeps running through my head on the AUs you guys may or may not be wanting to hear about. Heads up for some minor spoilers, but way less than the outlines linked on my pinned post.

By Dawn’s Early Light:

...I have all of one (1) scene I’m eager to see, and that’s Howard Stark getting punched by Bucky in front of Steve Rogers. And maybe reassess how realistic this AU is, but tbh that feels more like something to tackle in the Coding Nightmare Fic I Have Yet To Finish because like hell I’m rewriting this fic.

By Myself But Not Alone:

look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! Sing, oh muse, of the hubris of the fool who thought they could make their overly-complicated vision into a reality while only knowing the bare-bones basics of HTML.

...okay, but really, my main problem is that I’ve got several dozen pages of handwritten notes and outlines of potential Bad Endings to spice things up, but. Completely and utterly blocked on actually writing it out. Kinda debating on just posting what I’ve got and calling it a day because my brain refuses to expand on anything right now.

Live Through The Rain AU:

First off, I really want to brush up on Welcome to Night Vale to make sure I’ve got the tone right. Secondly, this one’s slated for Howard Stark redemption/character development boot camp via ‘yeah your world was just completely upended by one of the people you trusted most, no, that was just the first of many curveballs coming your way’, which I write when I’m trying to tackle a sympathetic and nuanced perspective of a very, very complicated man with a lot of issues.

...which means I have to be in the frame of mind to be sympathetic. Which, right now, I am not.

Incidentally, if you’ve noticed a sharp uptick in the levels of family drama in NHDD, this is why. Justin’s father is what happens when I am not inclined towards trying to be sympathetic towards parents who don’t have their shit together and insist on dragging everyone else down with them, Howard Stark is what happens when I’m not venting my issues onto fictional characters. [...apologies, btw, for anyone reading this. I try to keep personal stuff personal, but. This stuff keeps leaking into everything I touch, no matter how hard I try.]

Blurred Lines:

...this was my first fanfic, really. I’m kinda torn on how to approach it, really, because I started it out as an exhausted aspiring pre-med student who was not in a great place.

It’s been years since then; I am not where I’d once expected to be. It’s been over a decade since I’ve been up to date on what’s going on in Doctor Who, and noped out of Sherlock after the hot mess that happened after Season 2. On top of that, my writing’s all over the place because my teenage self had a long way to go when it came to storytelling, and part of me wants to go back and edit but the rest of me can’t help but think, ‘no, this fic has literally grown with you,’ even if it sounds cheesy as all get out.

All I know is, I want to finish this fic. I have a bullet point outline, next to no knowledge of Doctor Who lore and probably need to do a lot of research to do it, but it is going to happen. Eventually.

Ere The World Falls/The Lullaby of Obliteration:

Writer’s block hit me like a battering ram because ETWF was supposed to be finished in a week.

Look, this is what happens when all you have is a single scene you desperately want in the next chapter, but absolutely nothing else. Specifically, this snippet:

“Oh, I like you,” Hela laughed, something as cold and sharp as the rest of her and Tony didn’t know if he was imagining the goosebumps he felt right now.

Also, ETWF’s meant to be chaos incarnate and found family and end with hope for a better future for everyone, but... I kinda wrote myself into a corner on some things, and found a great way to tie Norse mythology and Marvel comics lore that would require either a lot of heavy editing, or a grimdark remix that I don’t actually have the energy to tackle, because I really kinda need happy endings right now.

Darth Calamity/The Man Who Sold The World:

you know what? I’ve been up to my ears in rl family drama, I am not up to writing fictional angst right now. The remix with more identity shenanigans? Maybe, but first I have to wade through Skywalker family drama to get there. Hmm. Where’s inspiration when you need it?

No Hero [Downward Descending]:

yes, I know Justin Hammer doesn’t come across as being good at this supervillain thing. No, I don’t know how we got here either, this was supposed to be my stab at writing a SI-OC [emphasis on the OC] that got a tad bit out of hand. Especially when it came to the family drama, because I originally had zero intention of expanding on it beyond ‘Justin’s life went on Hard Mode from an early age, and it’s part of why they are Like That now’, but turns out Hammer Senior is a great heat sink for some things. Apologies for that, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ turns out I really needed to vent.

...in retrospect, I missed a golden opportunity for said OC to make a comment about vaguely expecting to see everyone running around in spandex, and that is one of the few regrets I have. Just as a metacommentary on how desaturated the movies got later on, compared to what little I know of the comics.

Beyond that, though, I’m having a lot of fun with a protagonist who accidentally weaponized the power of friendship.

The War is Far From Over Now AU:

Main fic’s finished, still too burned out to consider tackling the sidefic.

The plan currently is to take all the ‘Stuff I Couldn’t Quite Fit In’ posts I made- aka all the plot points that ended up getting cut for my sanity, because my heart had been set on finishing TWiFFON before graduating undergrad and even that ended up going sideways- and playing by ear from there.

Specific plot points I’d once been eager to tackle had included stuff like ‘The Curious Case of James ‘Bucky’ Barnes’ [aka SI Legal’s freakout over the files they end up having to sort through in the aftermath of the Civil War arc], and ‘Vision’s Adventures In Trying To Become a Psychiatrist’ because multiple commenters basically went ‘wow JARVIS really needs therapy, and no one on Earth really is equipped to help Skynet here’ and I remember thinking, “lol yeah, that’s kinda the point, but also that’s a great idea!!!” and had been planning to write something to that effect. Only, things hit the fan in my life not long after, and then burnout on top of that, and next thing I know it’s been years since I last touched this AU but still feel no inclination to do so.

#Naught rambles #thinking aloud #by myself but not alone #By Dawn's Early Light #Live Through The Rain #blurred lines #Ere the world falls #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #No Hero [Downward Descending] #3 am musings #writer's commentary

[fullmoondagger]

WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY LATEST ART BLOCK ABOUT CREATIVITY AND EXISTING AS AN ARTIST:

Hi so Hi I'm Fullmoon and I'm a digital artist and a writer (@fullmoondaggers-art​) and from last november/december to april/may I have been in a mortifying creative block that was AGONIZING to say the least. My art's back now although it's at a very small pace but . I'm free ! (or back into my cage?)

I'm making this post mostly for myself but also to share this experience with others because that may be interesting or helpful? Please do take everything uder the cut with a grain of salt I’m merely a creature spilling thoughts about my own experiences and ideas . Love and Light

Some people may scoff at me because 6/7 months of art block may be nothing to them but it was a LOT for me- I never had such a long period of no art juice and it was very disorienting and horrifying.

For as long as I've been able to hold a pen and had to survive through the torture that is school, I've been drawing. All day long, everyday. Doodles on the edges of my notebooks, on scraps of paper when teachers took away my notebooks, and on my arms when the teachers took away my scraps of paper. I drew my little characters, then my little ponies, and I will forever look back at how terrifyingly productive I was in 2016. How did I manage to put out a fully lined and colored drawing almost every day after school ? While gay?

Jokes asides I've always drawn, and fast. Everyone seems impressed with how fast I draw, myself included.

(WHAT do you mean you drew this in 8 hours? wtf Luke)

And I used to draw all the time. When I wasn't playing games or watching shows, I was drawing.

And all of the sudden, it stopped. Creativity juices stopped flowing. Might have been caused by some personal events, and me stepping out of a fandom to other interests that is feeding me less in terms of nooks in which my art fungus can grow (the BATIM fandom rules. Genuinely. Legacy of Kain also has so much to offer), but either way, I was entering a very uncreative moment in my journey as an artist.

It hit hard !

I was getting anxious about opening SAI. I was getting anxious at plugging my tablet in my laptop. I could NOT do anything creative. Even when I got short spurs of ideas I would just give up and close the program, because it wasn't worth it anyways, no one would care, no one would want what I had to give, because my art didn't look professional or didn't stand out as much as it should. I was very deep set in the idea that uploadable art was fully lined and colored, colored sketches could be acceptable under some strict criteria. Let's not even talk about fic, I'm still very much a beginner, and the topics I like to write about aren't very elevated anyways.

1- THE ART OF TRICKERY

Brains are mischievous little machines, but once you understand that you're above it, it's nothing but a roach under your heel. I had to redirect my creative drive to something else than art and writing, so I tried my hand at HTML, a tiny pathetic bit of 3D modeling, painting patches for my jacket etc.

SAI and Tablet were making me anxious? Well, What about mouse and MS Paint? Why not try Adobe Flash ? Pencils and watercolor makes you shit? Ballpen and scrap paper. Grow up. This cool artist uses Paint 3D to work, why not give it a shot? Try some new ways of sketching, new fun art styles to mess with.

(Animated on Adobe Flash as a little test, I had a lot of fun !)

It was baby steps towards some recovery, and it did help ! It took me a while, but I was finally able to open SAI and draw and ENJOY it.

2- THE ART OF SEEING YOURSELF

What do I create for?

I draw for myself, for my horny little ideas, my cool character designs, to get out some funny things that are inside my head, to put my favorite characters in situations, to make them look hot as shit. I draw for other people too, sharing is important and vital as a fandom artist on the Internet. I want my art to be seen and enjoyed by other people who also enjoy what I'm creating about. I make to share, I don't want most of my art to be seen by only myself. I don't draw for fame, although being mildly known in my tiny little niche communities would be nice! It's not something that I cling to too tightly.

What is my artist identity ?

Early 2000's cartoons, 90's Anime, 2010's Internet, Art Nouveau, 1930's cartoons, Symbolism, Medieval art, BDSM/Kink, some French Comics, throw it all in a blender, and you get a blurry image of me.

Things are a bit difficult here. I don't feel like I have an "art style". I love to try new things, new techniques, new shapes. My art pieces rarely resemble each other, which is something I'm very self conscious about and I'm learning to accept. The thing is, every other artist around me has that Thing that makes their work so recognisable, and I don't feel like my art has that "Oh, that's Fullmoon" spark. At first I thought something was wrong with me, but I think it's really only a matter of perspective, I don't see it because I don't have the step back from my work to do that.

I wish I knew what makes me unique as an artist, but also I don't think it matters that much.

3- THE ART OF NOT GIVING A SHIT

(Little edit I smashed together somewhere near the peak of my art block, just because I wanted to see Applejack and Arthur Morgan hanging out. I think they’d be besties)

Art block taught me to Let Go. I couldn't draw anymore, and I felt like I was free from something that had been cursing me for so long but also completely lost without my shackles. I didn't really have an outlet for my Needs to fidget and make things and share them, and I was feeling like I would never be back to where I used to be in art. But also I knew it was cyclical, just like everything else in life is, and everything would fall back in place in due time. Sometimes you need to not give a shit if something turns out ugly or unperfect or never gets finished ever. keep them tucked in a corner and pull them out when you feel like you could have a better shot at them. It's OK to give up ! If you don't feel it's right, if you're not enjoying the process, just Let Go. If you're enjoying it regardless, just keep on going, the beauty of creation is that it's about fun and discovery. Nothing is eternal, and projects come back from the dead.

(Original idea from my art block VS when I picked it back up when i got my power back, lineart done on Adobe Flash because SAI was still too intimidating to me, and also lining on Flash is FUN)

4- WHAT DID THIS BRING ME

I think I have a very different approach to making art now. I don't draw every day, but It doesn't weigh on me that much anymore, as it should. I make things for fun, I don't want to aim for a masterpiece every time I pick up my tablet and turn the music playlist up. I draw whatever I want to, because I'm in impossibly niche communities anyway, so whoever will see it will see it, and I love them for that. I'm able to let things sit for a while and pick them back up later, which is VERY HARD for me in general. Maintaining a brand is bullshit and will kill you.

I’ve been writing again as well, and while I don’t think it’s too important, it’s fun !!

I have fun making things and learning things, and I have discovered new things I probably wouldn’t have gotten otherwise;

- I can roughly animate on Flash !

- I have a website I wrote myself !

- Painting on fabric is very fun actually !

- So much anime and manga. God

- I can sit back and feel Okay about not being an art machine !

I say that as a horrid little hater, but I think it's so important as an artist to cherish and adore everything you make. Give passion to the world and it will give it back to you in other ways. Play Soul Reaver

#dagger.txt #ok to reblog I guess #very messy but its just raw thoughts

[wtdiscover]

How to Overcome Writer's Block: Using Character Journals to Explore Your Story

If you're like me, you've experienced writer's block. It can feel like a wall you can't seem to break through, no matter how hard you try. You might stare at a blank page for hours or write and rewrite the same sentence over and over again. Maybe, you're like me, and you leave the story for weeks, months, or maybe years before you go back to it to work things out. It's a creative rut, and you can feel defeated and hopeless. The struggles of writer's block are real, but there is a technique I use that can also help you work through this challenging time and come out with renewed inspiration about your story. Writer's block was something I faced when I first started writing. I was working on my first novel and hit a wall. I rewrote the beginning several times, but it always stalled around chapters 3 and 4. I was frustrated. I had done a character questionnaire on all my characters, but I soon realized I didn't know them. And that was key for me.

I'm not an outliner. I've tried it although it can give me ideas about how the story can go, I've never stuck to one. For me, it's best to start writing the story once I know the opening scene, the main characters, and the conflict. Everything else develops as I go. It's a style that works for me, but it also means writer's block has become too close of a friend.

To overcome writer's block, I had to stop and get to know my main characters, and one of my ways of doing this is through character journals, which is how the first story of Anyia was developed. Anyia is part of a bigger story, and I couldn't get a handle on who she was, so I started her character journal.

Now, most of my character journals are rambles. Most of it won't make it into the story, but what it does for me is open me up to be free with my writing while testing situations with my characters. It might start with the beginning of their day and mid-paragraph jump to a different day and problem. And I let myself ramble. Explore the character and the world. Find out what they see when they wake up, where they hide when they're scared, and why something bothers them. I put them in front of their nemesis and see how they react, especially when they're not ready to face them. By doing this, I get to know my characters and see their world, which helps me work through my writer's block. Here are some steps to work through writer's block using character journals:

Identify the characters in your story that you're having trouble writing about. Make a list of their names and any key details you've established in your story.

Write in the journal from the character's perspective. Think about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You can use prompts like "What did I do today?" or write a scene about where they hid when they were scared or didn't get something they wanted.

Don't worry about writing anything that's directly related to your story. This is a chance to explore your character and their world without the pressure of moving the plot forward.

Keep writing in the journal for as long as you need to. You might write a lot in one sitting or just a few sentences. The important thing is to keep showing up and writing consistently.

After a few days of writing in the journal, go back and review what you've written. Look for any insights or details that could be incorporated into your story.

Repeat the process with another character from your list. You might find that writing from a different perspective helps to unlock new ideas and move your story forward.

By using character journals, you're able to explore your characters in more depth and gain a better understanding of their motivations and perspectives. This can help to break through writer's block and generate new ideas for your story.

I hope this helps. :) 

#writing #writing advice #writers block #author resources

[wooahaes]

sorry this is two parts w like. idk more nsfw-related stuff under a cut? i don’t write smut here (i’d consider it for another sideblog but eh, i def wouldn’t be as active there bc sometimes trauma shit hits hard when it comes to that sort of thing--literally just depends on the day), but yeah i consume it sometimes lmao

i... genuinely think i try to skip a fic every time it doesnt contain warnings at all. like you don’t have to have a setup like i do and like other writers do where we have a word count and a warnings thing + what the pairing is, that’s fine? but like. come on. at least put some warnings on your fic if you know there’s potentially something triggering there. not all triggers make sense and can be preemptively warned for, but the least you can do is warn for the bigger ones. that’s for both sfw works and for smut. like: a lot of writers do! a lot of writers do warn for shit, and i appreciate them a lot. but idk i guess some people want to just get straight into their writing and while i get it, i think that can be extremely harmful if you know your fic has something triggering in it.

i’ve seen people argue about trigger warnings before because of the whole “the real world won’t hold your hand” thing but that’s bullshit. p*r*site is one of my favorite movies and i watched it in a class for the first time and one of my friends went out of their way to tell me that there’s an uncomfortable sex scene in it bc they knew it could fuck me up depending on the day. people i know will go out of their way to give a heads up for things. i’ve suggested movies to people i don’t know well and said “oh, shit, btw, huge trigger warning for (x)” because it’s a triggering subject and i don’t want anyone to suffer as a result. websites exist to warn people about shit. and even offline, there’s those things vets put in their yards around fourth of july because the sound of fireworks can be triggering to them. anyone who says that the “real world won’t hold your hand” is a dick who just wants an excuse to not care for others imo.

anyway fat girl rant under the cut specifically (nsfw warning in general for the topic bc god its abt smut. sorry gamers. minors dni with that part or ur getting blocked if u say anything)

idk what to call them other than a bulge kink but if thats wrong then my b. idk they feel... a liiiil assuming that reader is skinny? that u can see a bulge from where a dick is inside someone? bc there’s nothing in front of it (i.e. fat)? idk man fucking warn for that shit because it automatically sends up the red flag of “ohhh readers skinny...” for me every time i stumble across it w/o any warning. like idk if any other chubby writers wanna weigh in on that, feel free to? i just tend to look at myself and see my chub and im like. yeah theres no way ur seeing ur dick bulge out unless ur super fucking hung and if u are then i am afraid for me.

also sorry these arent really put together lmao im literally just talking at this point. i used up the brain power w the “include warnings” part.

idk i think... a lot of smut just assumes reader is thin, moreso than sfw stuff. ik ive spoken w someone abt this (i wont @ her since idk if she wants that) but like. the whole “jump and ill carry you” thing feels like we’ve been conditioned to find it hot and all i can think about is the fact that i don’t think it’d ever work unless the person’s fucking ripped. do u think ming/hao from s//v//t can lift my ass? no. id break him like a fuckin twig probably. 

i dont have an actual ending for this bc admittedly im tired. sorry to ming//hao for saying the truth that id break u </3

#wooahaes.txt

[pashminalamb]

Hello again!! Saw your response to my last ask and uhhh guess I’m getting kinda predictable huh 😅? I’m sorry if it bothers or annoys you, I just like consistent communication with the people I like so like I always try to do that cause reassurance is important to me so I want the other person to feel reassured too you know? But if it’s too much let me know and I’ll dial it down promise!! Your works hitting over 200 notes is an amazing accomplishment you should be so proud of yourself and if you’re not pls know that I am. Running a blog isn’t easy, much less maintaining and putting out such amazing works. I’m glad you’re feeling better!! And yeah writing blocks are so annoying but I feel that once you hit that stride, you start running and can’t stop. If that makes sense? It’s what I’ve gone through with my experience anyways. Tbh I’ve been better. Life isn’t the best rn and I’m super busy and drained atm. I’m pretty sure it’s burnout but I’ll manage somehow. Also my favorite character is Bachira but like almost every other character ties for second so like 💀. I swear I’m like this with every show/series. I end up with my favorite character and then there’s everyone else it’s always so hard to choose like I love all my babies adhkkghkhhh. Anyways it’s always so fun to talk to you I can’t wait to read the next part of my tears your company but obv take your time. As always I hope your day goes well whenever you read this and that you’re doing good and *sends many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

✨ anon !!

Omg no bb ૮₍ ˃̵͈᷄ . ˂̵͈᷅ ₎ა I meant it in a good way! Like when I release any blue lock fic I look forward to the reaction you have cause the blog goes both ways with the author/writer writing and uploading fics and the reader interacting with it along with the fact that they make my day. And i like consistent communication as well!! (꜆˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶)꜆ So yeah, you're always welcomed in my blog and I enjoy responding to your asks! Even if there is more than one or two or even many! (like that one time where you saw me upload the third edition and came back with the review? My roommate heard me cackle like a Hyena.)

I like seeing people ask or talk about fics or even life outside of it cause at the end of the day its another living and breathing person on the other side of the screen and conversations are important to them as much as it is to you, rest assured, I like having you in my blog and it makes me smile each time I see an ask from you or anyone okay?

You're well liked (trust me when i see the ✨ anon I get serotonin) and I don't find you annoying; you have nothing to apologize for, okay?

૮ ◜ᵕ◝ ა

And don't dial down the energy! It's what keeps me hyped and this blog going    (´,,>ω<,,`)♡  ;

its reassuring to me when i have something in my inbox cause silence when you have so many followers isn't fun yk? It kinda makes the blog blank... Interact with an author and their works, get to know them, it makes their day too ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა and vice versa

I'm glad you think my works are amazing cause ngl when I'm reading through it I'm just sitting there like 'How did people let this mistake slip' ૮꒰- ˕ -꒱ა *groans*

Speaking of my writing block, I took a break and went on yt for a bit and found sumasumthing that gave me an idea to write for both NNN and for further part of the series (¬‿¬) no spoilers. Just wait ꒰ ⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖

But yeah it does work that way, once you overcome that block, you just keep running until you hit another, but you'll overcome that as well. <(˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶)

Oh no, I'm sorry that you feel burntout :'< ; cause this was literally me a week ago. Everytime I have a burnout its cause of everything that is going on and its too much to handle sometimes so I kept telling myself three things :

'We'll cross the bridge when we get there.'

'Living in the moment happening right now is more important, what comes tomorrow comes.'

'Nothing is permanent.'

Take care of yourself; don't push too hard, push as much as you can. (づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡

ooooh Bachira!! He's sweet, I'm actually adding him and a few more characters to the fourth edition of the series. But yes !! It is so hard to choose one person Aiku stan mon ange

I mean you got 11 players + more and you even have the coaches *confused screaming insert* cause they are literally the whole bakery

My day is going fine chipped my nail polish with pistachios, been reading from my book shopping that I went for yesterday, planning to start fourth season of Haikyuu but I wanna watch this movie that I've been keeping on hold (Drive my car- cause its straight up my alley.. kinda like driving miss daisy? Yes I am THAT old in taste )

*sending back hugs* ꒰ ੭´ ˘ `૮꒱ Hope you get better soon!! Bachira sends kisses!

#saint.σ #.lost sheep : ✨ anon

[pretty-boys-book-club]

Quick update

As I’m sure you can tell from the lack of updates to my fics, I’ve been experiencing a severe writer’s block for the past few two or three months.

I don’t mean the type of writer’s block where I can’t think of nothing original, but the type of writer’s block where my mind flat out refuses to form a cohesive sentence any time I sit down to try and write.

And I’m sure it’s something that has happened for many of you. You hit a wall. You’re have no idea what to write about. You try to look at the same topic from another angle, but there’s something wrong that you can’t quite figure out and you don’t have the inspiration you had before to do so. So you stop writing for a day, two days, then a week, then a fortnight and suddenly there’s been months where you didn’t post anything new. So questions start to pop up, the most dreadful of all: is anyone reading what I’m writing anyhow?

I haven’t experienced something like this before and it’s honestly just really messing with my self esteem and my anxiety. And to be quite honest, it’s not just my fanfics. Lately I feel like it’s my entire life, as if I’m under-performing everywhere. To be completely honest with you, I’m struggling even to write this post, too. (You’ll probably find some typos. But writing this serves as an exercise for me right now in terms of just letting words flow). Overall, an activity I used to love and would come very easily to me feels extraneous and stressful at the moment, and I’m taking that as a sign that I just need to give myself some more time.

I struggled with burnout in the past, so I’ve pushed myself past my limit plenty of times and it’s left me mentally exhausted before and I don’t want a replay of that. I’m currently up for a promotion at work and trying to save as much money as I can for an upcoming trip with a couple of friends on November, so real life has been pretty demanding and stressful. I’m also currently facing a couple of health related issues (thankfully, none of them are quite serious) so I’ve been spending time going to my doctors office, seeing a nutritionist and working on my physical well being. I’ve been also working hard with my therapist on allowing myself to truly rest during my free time (I haven’t taken a vacation from work since the pandemic began) and being more present, so being alone in my room writing is not that beneficial to my healing at the moment. I get how writing can be therapeutic for many (and it has helped me tremendously over the years, don’t get me wrong) but currently I don’t feel like it’s beneficial for my mental health to spend long periods of time by myself or inside my own room. I hope you understand that.

So I’ve made the decision to extend my break from trying to write for an additional few weeks or even for a couple of months. I’m not exactly sure how long this will last, but I think it’s what’s best for me. I might publish something during this time but don’t expect any sort of consistency in terms of schedule or frequency. I’m hoping taking the pressure off my mind will help get the creative juices flowing and just be more mindful of my current limitations. I’ll be spending this time reblogging content that makes me happy, likely brainstorming what I want to do with this space, seeing my friends and family, trying to get back at reading books (a habit also lost due to mental exhaustion), prioritising my mental and physical health and, of course, rewatching Criminal Minds (which I still adore).

I’m sorry for being so absent lately and I hope you’re doing well. I feel grateful for all the loving interactions I’ve had on the Criminal Minds fandom and plan on continuing to interact with all the amazing people I’ve met.

Much love,

Cat

#personal update #tired cat #cat rambles #reposting bc tumblr messed up the formatting of the other one #blog update #housekeeping #trying to beat writers block

[space-writes]

Happy Storyteller Saturday, Space😁

A question about your writing process this week: when you start a new project, do you do it with a word goal in mind? How strict is the word goal and how close to you get to it? Are you an over- or under-writer?

ahh i love this question, i love Process it’s my favourite.

I usually start with a vague wordcount desire, and then once I’ve worked out how many chapters the book’s looking like it needs, I work out from there. My chapters tend to run between 4-8k, depending on the project/genre. My Obedience books they shake out around 5k, because it’s a romance and the pacing on it works better with the shorter chapters. I think current Renegade Prince chapters are more the 5-6k mark? But I’m leaning towards them working out longer, because there’s a lot more going on, so there are more scenes-per-chapter than Obedience.

I’m not super strict with goals once they’re set, but I like to be able to work out how long something’s going to take to write, and how many words a day I need to hit to get a draft out in a reasonable time span. The rewrite of The Perils of Wanting took about a month and a half, and that was 87k, and I gave myself two months because I knew trying to crash it all into one month would be too much and be a detriment to the quality.

Because I know my writing enough to know how long a chapter needs to be, I tend to come out pretty close to my word goal, and I try not to mind if it’s under. The book is as long as it needs to be. I’m not writing for tradpub, so I don’t have to worry much about hard limits.

I’m an over-writer in the sense that first drafts I try and fling every possible strand of spaghetti at the wall these days. I want to pull out everything I can to see what works, then cut and carve it down in editing. I’m an underwriter in the sense that a lot of descriptive detail and necessary Stuff doesn’t come out first time around—too busy scene blocking and writing fun dialogue, I am—and I have to then go back and flesh things out a lot.

I will also add that I am the kind of person who really likes the flex of finishing and posting a Long Thing. I like being an Overachiever for nano. It just makes me feel powerful to write A Lot Of Words. It’s kinda silly, there’s just as much value in short things, but that’s my little vice, I guess.

#writeblr #sts #storyteller saturday #writing process #space has thoughts #(i have your other sts question saved im just like. doing worldbuilding in my head to answer it the way i want) #i edit longer in that i cut out all the bad words and replace with with 2x as many good words very often #i am enamoured of Cutting Things lately #feels good. feels organic