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xfancyuu · 1 year

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~ cause i can feel a real connection, a supernatural attraction. [aemond targaryen]

PART I (my blood, sweat, tears, and my last dance, take it all away.)

after four months of misery i have returned! my job prevented me from writing but i can confirm this is a three part series, this fic contains a westerosi wedding, the next will contain a valyrian wedding and the third part, well that's a surprise. reader is afab with she/her pronouns if requested i will write non-binary characters. ! i'd also love some feedback for this! i'd love some pointers on what you liked/didn't like about it! i try to make reader an actual person and appealing to all but she may come off a certain way (though i think that's the stress of the situation rather than reader being an awful person bc she's a lot more mellow in part 2 — maybe bc it's actually smth she wants to be involved in rather than a massive wedding, she wanted a more intimate moment lol).

this fic contains: bolton!reader, wedding, afab reader, no appearance indicators (except height, aemond is taller than you), lord bolton (your dad) worries about you a lot and idk if that is in canon standing but you're also his only daughter. your mum may be cersei lannister coded??? she's kinda mean but she's giving the reader some truths in there even if they won't apply to reader. reader's lifespan is called short though her and aemond are both around eighteen-twenty-one (but this is some time before the war & that gossip girl thanksgiving worthy moment — the girls that get it, get it) [5,079 words]

You had hoped the waiting was worth it, your father's insistence that you would be respected and appreciated by your future husband hadn't calmed you one bit. You knew what was expected of you, what the night would entail, and it had put you on edge, Aemond Targaryen was a temperamental man in the almost two years you had known him, you simply did not know what to expect. The blood of the dragon ran deep within him, he was chaotic and could do as he pleased to you and those around you if you did not please him correctly.

The preparations had taken many moons themselves, your father's involvement with the whole ordeal was rather surprising to many, fathers didn't typically involve themselves in matters such as weddings except choosing the man. Yet your father was proactive — you were his only daughter, his sweetling, his pride and joy. You had surmised the man did not want to let you go, to send you into a life of baring children and labours which he himself could not look over and sooth your worries.

Yet that had not happened, and you couldn't understand his ceaseless worrying. When you had told him you had met the great Vhagar he had almost had a heart attack. You had such a joyful emotion, however, your father could only hope it continued to stay that way. That the Prince would not feed you to his dragon the moment he had you alone once more which you had to assure your father that you were certain Prince Aemond was as fond of you as you were him.

It had felt like a ridiculous farce at first, the looks towards you when it was announced you'd be marrying the second son of the King. The whispers behind your back which they had thought you hadn't heard, how such a beautiful girl was fated to marry a man who could not match such beauty. You had scoffed at the time, beauty had not mattered to you — moons later it still had not mattered. They had called Aegon beautiful, yet he was one of the most despicable men you'd had the displeasure of spending time with, constant comments that his brother should take you before the wedding and how he would have his way with you if he so wished. You'd take a man the court had deemed undeserving of your beauty over that.

"If you wish to flee I would not stop you." your father spoke as he had entered the room, your family must have been in the sept waiting for the spectacular show you would put on which would no doubt be the talk of Kings Landing for the many coming moons.

"Why would I flee?" you had asked, playing with the beads of your dress, the Northern tradition of wearing white was not lost on you. Your father spared no expense in creating the dress you had wanted. The dress was truly beautiful, aligned with jewels and beads, some of which sparkled as though they were stars with movement. "You do not truly believe the Prince would hurt me? Once we are married we shall be happy and not much shall change from how it now."

The look on your father's face was enigmatic, you could never decipher what the man was thinking. If your mother was here she would have told you. "Once you are married mother and I will go back to the Dreadfort, your brothers will be returning with me and you shall be alone." The unspoken threat of being alone with the Targaryen-Hightower family was evident. He hadn't trusted them from the moment you had stepped into the dreadful place.

"But I won't be alone — I shall have my husband and hopefully we shall bring children into the world not long after... There are ravens, Aemond has a dragon, I am not trapped here and I shall be able to visit you." The optimism that you possessed was something your father had never possessed himself. You were too much like your mother. He didn't want to tell you that obeying your husband would be customary, that you would be a member of the Royal family, that you would not be a regular person with your own opinions.

"I shall look forward to your future visits. You know what tonight will entail? Please do not fight back and do as he says." You had not known what your father had meant. Your mother had taught you the basics, taking a more hand on approach than many others you had met. "But for now you shall walk down the aisle, looking like the Northern beauty you are, you shall do our house — your mother and I" your father corrects himself, "proud."

Your father was not a sentimental man by design, this behaviour felt strange to you. Perhaps he knew something you did not. "I shall always do you proud, now cloak me before I weep." you had demanded of him.

The flayed man was not something you'd associate yourself with. It was barbaric, horrific and downright made you feel hostile. Yet your father wore his sigil with pride, the technique passed down from father to heir did not involve you, yet your own father had decided despite you being a female your house traditions were important. It was awful you'd to think of such things on your own wedding day. You'd be cloaked with a different shade of red — you'd be a Targaryen by the day's end.

You felt content knowing that your house banner — the sigil that made you a Bolton would be symbolically stripped away by the man you were sure you loved despite the lack of life experience required to make such a decision. The colour was in stark contrast to your dress. The blood-red and pink colours blended with each other compared to your white dress, it stood out, you stood out. Many of the ladies of the court had told you that white was not a colour a lady such as yourself should wear. You were not quite sure why, it matched the snow of your home, the bleak surroundings you found yourself longing for. Your hair styled in traditional Northern intricate braids which you had personally asked for. You would not change a habit of a lifetime for the pleasure of others, Aemond had never seemed to mind your abrasive disregard for the court's fashions and styling. You doubted he'd have a problem with it now.

"You look beautiful, my sweetling," your father had told you, taking in all the grace and beauty you possessed. His comment had made your cheeks heat up — you were familiar with tearing your appearance apart in mirrors at most given opportunities, compliments were not commonplace. Especially from your father.

"I am mother's child." you had joked, trying to relieve the tension you had felt in your body as you drew closer to the sept. The religious element hadn't appealed to you, the Gods you worshipped were not those of the Seven. "I do hope nobody makes a scene, I do not think I'd be able to control myself from attacking someone."

"And suddenly you show signs of being mine."

"Please make sure nobody makes a scene today, the Princess is here with her children, and it makes everybody on edge as it is." You had told him, sharing a look, a look which ensured your father would allow nobody to embarrass you or your husband.

"Today shall be the happiest day you have lived in such a short lifespan, and you shall have many more to come." Your father had ended that conversation short. It was only then you had noticed you were about to enter the sept. "Tell me one last time you should want to leave, and I will take you away this instant."

"I told you before, it should be my honour to marry — I love him father, as he does me." You had told him with such sincerity, your father simply kissed your forehead, accepting your current position on the matter, never wavering. Perhaps your father was more displeased in losing you than you had originally thought. But you'd always be his little girl, and marrying reminded him you were growing up and having your own life experiences.

The stares had almost made you bolt, but your father's grip prevented you from doing so or stopping in your tracks. You would not make a blunder of the entire event, you would walk to the altar with a smile planted on your lips and the grace and elegance your mother had instilled into you.

The trip to the altar was quite short and sweet, not a stumble, some had gasped, but you had thought it was simply because your dress was beautiful. You hadn't wanted to leave your father, not entirely, a part of you was still a child, wanting to go back home and frolic in the snow with your brothers for another winter. But you were no longer a child, you would no longer be a girl frightened of the responsibilities you had to partake in. Yet why were you feeling so incredibly warm and wanting to remove your own skin?

It hadn't stopped, the moment you were placed in front of Aemond, ready to be cloaked as your father removed your own cloak. Despite being so incredibly warm, the coldness had hit you like a wave. Or perhaps it was something else, anticipation for the entire event to be over. For you to finally have your own husband to yourself. To act as though you'd always been taught. To at least kiss him in public rather than the brief and few kisses you'd shared in dark hallways.

Your thoughts were moving at such fast speeds, you had almost flinched when you were cloaked with the three-headed dragon. A symbol so synonymous with the house you would be married into. Yet you kept your composure, still smiling and turning around so you could at least grab Aemond's hand. He had grounded you in the moment — a much needed clarity to the thoughts you were having.

His own hand had taken yours, how you wish you could at least speak to him. Yet you could not, the ceremony was under way and the best you could do was squeeze his hand as to tell him you were fine, that you were here and that this was happening.

Dissociation was a problem, you had always been called a daydreamer yet doing so at your wedding? You were truly a mess, an unadulterated, unfiltered mess. The way your hand kept on squeezing Aemond's, the way you didn't listen to a thing the septon had said. How your eyes had glazed over and how so badly you wished this would end, being the centre of attention was not something you enjoyed.

It was a blur. You had spoken the ceremonial vows as expected, yet you hadn't realised you were doing so. Instead, you had taken in your husband. How beautiful you considered him, his beautiful white hair had not been styled differently, his eyepatch was still there — your objective for tonight was to remove it without him refusing, he could not refuse you — his lady wife now. His clothes were significantly different, gone with the green colour you loved so much in favour for traditional Targaryen colours.

The kiss was just that. You would not make a scene despite the way he had held you do tenderly, you could not do that here and at this moment. You were in a sacred place — not that you believed this room was sacred, you had to behave. Alicent was a devout believer and you doubted Aemond had wanted to anger her or the septon. Brief kisses were what you were used to and you so badly had wanted more, ached for, desperately needed.

"You did so well" Aemond had whispered into your ear as your kiss had ended. The cheers of the newly-wed couple had surrounded you and you were not too sure what to think.

"You give me far too much credit."

Aemond hadn't given you enough credit. He was sure he would have had to have married for an alliance with a wife who would come to resent him yet he considered you special. Never once had you flinched away from his company, never once had you looked at him as though he was less of a man and never once had you made fun of him despite what your teasing of him may have suggested. You were fun, adventurous and above all you had agreed to his betrothal without a second thought. He truly did love you, he would love the life you two shared together, he would love the children you produced and most importantly he would never do anything to deliberately hurt you. The two years of courting had proved as much.

The evening was going quite well, though you had noticed Aemond's attention wandering elsewhere. "Does something displease you, husband?" you had asked, gaining his attention once again.

Though he hadn't given you a reply, simply hummed and continued staring at his nephew as though he had wronged him in some way. "You're looking at Luc? Is it Luc? I'm unsure on which one is which — as though he has stolen your food and goading you about it."

"Do not speak to me about Lucerys." Came Aemond's sharp reply, you couldn't understand the seeming hatred he had for his nephew. Your own nephew's had meant the world to you, often spending time with one another when their septa's were busy, influencing them with your own opinions and behaviours.

"So it does displease you?" The question wasn't aimed at Aemond rather an observation you had. "My apologies I did not wish to displease you on such a joyous day."

You hadn't got a response to that either, simply a kiss to your cheek, "My father promised me if I was upset he'd sort out the problem, if your family displeases you so, I could gather my father." That had earned a chuckle from Aemond.

"That won't be necessary my love, I have ensured nobody shall cause a scene, especially Aegon."

"And how did you get Aegon to behave?"

"With matters which needn't be known to you, my lady."

"My title is Princess —" your reply was instinctual, "And as a princess of this realm I demand to know how you ensured Aegon would not be a problem."

"I outrank you, my Princess," you do not know if Aemond is teasing you or mocking you, though the glint in his eye tells you all you need to know, "You would not wish to know such depravity Aegon seeks."

"You do not think I do not know about his depravity?" You had genuinely asked, your brothers may have sheltered you and been protective but men like Aegon forever slip through cracks. Ladies speak — they gossip a lot about Aegon and his antics.

"I do not think you know the extent, nor would I like you to, just be thankful his hands are on wine, he would not want to ruin such a joyous occasion."

"You are sure he won't be a depraved gremlin tonight? If he does something untoward against one of my ladies, I will not be responsible for my actions." Threatening a prince may not have been a good idea but you doubted Aemond would pay much mind to it, you're jesting, you always would be.

"The moment he does something to upset you I will personally escort him away."

"Thank you." You had spoke, deciding it would be best if you dropped the issue of the Targaryen-Hightower family as a whole, instead choosing to focus on your own. Your younger brother had sparked up a conversation with a girl from the Westerlands. "Do you think I should go and encourage my brother to ask the lady to dance?"

"Do not meddle in his affairs, princess, perhaps your father will be escorting you out while I escort Aegon." Aemond joked, while you tried to keep a straight face.

"I think the only person to escort me out of this ceremony will be you, my dear husband." The bedding ceremony was something you hadn't approached. Tradition was simply that but you did not want to face the humiliation it had brought with it.

"I cannot wait."

Your conversation had been cut short. The princess Rhaenyra engaging you in a conversation. You had felt terribly sorry for her with her first wedding — they had said if there was not one death at a wedding it would be an incredibly boring affair. You were happy with your wedding to be deemed boring and without complication. The conversation was polite, Rhaenyra introducing you to her children — Aemond had called them Strong bastards, not that you cared much, surely they were more Targaryen than Strong. Rhaenyra the true Targaryen heir had birthed them. But the politics in Westeros was not ready for educated women destroying their world view you supposed.

Princess Rhaenyra had you in a chokehold metaphorically, if you refused to dance with her eldest son, Jace as she called him you would be offending the heir to the throne which could have dire consequences. So you had relented, promising him a dance as the princess had insisted. Aemond didn't enjoy such nonsensical things, while you didn't mind it that much.

Your mother had always told you that it was important to know such things, dancing was one of them. Though you hadn't expected your first dance of the evening to be with the wrong prince. It was clumsy and awkward, the young prince had wanted to be there as much as you had, hyperaware of where his hands fell on you, of everybody's eyes on you and especially the eye of your husband who had seemed beyond tense. Jacaerys had been nothing but respectful, the music was upbeat and you had laughed multiple times in his presence. Rhaenyra had clearly wanted to fix broken bonds within the family which you were unaware of despite being within courtly life.

"Is it strange to be back in the capital, my prince?" you had asked the boy as the two of you had continued to dance, struggling to find conversation suited to the both of you.

"I am missing Dragonstone but it is lovely to be with family." There's an underlying issue there which you could not explore.

"Aemond and I must visit one day." The boy had become tense with the mention of his uncle, and while it had not subsided your suspicions you knew that the visit would not be happening from his response. "Aemond has been teaching me of Valyrian culture and it would be lovely to see where the queen Visenya had spent her time."

"Queen Visenya interests you?" Jace had seemed rather shocked to discover this, "My mother favours the tales of Princess Nymeria, her story is rather fascinating."

"I should like to befriend your mother, she is a woman of culture I see," your conversation had been cut short by your brother approaching you, "Please excuse me, my prince, it was lovely to meet you, but my brother requires my presence."

Once in your younger brother's arms the anxiety you could feel bubbling within you had dispersed, Jace hadn't scared you, it was Rhaenyra and the possibility of offending her. You may have been ranked Princess but that was purely through marriage, Aemond could get away with snubbing his sister's children but you could not. It could cost your head.

"Your husband looks like he could murder you." Your brother's intervention had made sense now and you were rather thankful for it.

"Murderous enough that I shouldn't approach him, or murderous in the sense I should?" You had asked him as you continued to dance, it had reminded you of your childhood. Forcing your brothers to engage with you in such ways, "Did father send you over?"

"No, it was mother, she fears for you tonight, I sense."

"And why should she be fearful?"

"You and I both know why, sister. Do not make me say it aloud."

"Should I go over and speak to her? Privately? To remind her that my husband is respectful and much more caring than many men could claim to be."

"Do as you wish but please do not anger him more than he is. We all fear for your safety, it is not everyday one married a Dragon Prince."

"There's an abundance of them, I'm sure if you asked nicely one of them would oblige you."

"Do not speak such things aloud, my head could be on a spike by the morn."

"It seems as though I cannot do anything right tonight." Your dance had once again been short-lived as you stormed off in the direction of your mother, looking for comfort, but you doubted she'd give you that.

"I cannot do a single thing right tonight." You complained to your mother once you had sat down next to her at the table so graciously provided by the royal family — away from you.

"I doubt you have the ability of foresight to change your actions. Why much you speak to me about such issues."

"It would be nice if you could comfort me for once." The wine you had consumed was slowly bubbling its way to the surface, never before had you dreamed of speaking to your mother in such ways.

"Why would I do that? You are a woman grown, you've made big girl choices, have you not? You chose to marry the prince, you chose to leave your family, you're choosing to create one of your own. Please do not mind if the one you are leaving behind are upset with your actions."

"I cannot do this tonight, I cannot fight with almost every person I have encountered." Your hand had gone for the glass of wine in front of you, but your mother had stopped you.

"The advice I am about to give you is invaluable and advice my own mother gave to me. Lie still and wait for him to climb off of you tonight, do not complain when it hurts and try not to make a sound."

You were utterly speechless, your mother had never been one to say an unneeded word, but this was just crass. "We're not talking about this right now."

"Fair enough, disregard the advice passed down from generation to generation."

"Tell me my dress or hair looks pretty, tell me I have nothing to worry about, just don't speak about such things in a room full of people."

"I just wish for you to be prepared." For disappointment was the undertone. "You're such a beautiful girl, you've done your house proud, but I do not wish to lose you in such ways, father doesn't speak much about your departure, but he shall miss you too."

"I shall miss you too, mother." You had reached for her hand, which she had gladly accepted. You feared it would be the last time you'd get a mother-daughter moment like this. It had felt bittersweet and you'd have your own children soon but she had caused the anxiety to crawl within you tenfold. "But the next time we shall see each other I would hope to have children."

"Just make sure you birth children with his hair colour and eyes." Your mother's words hadn't quite sunk in.

"Well, I can't help if they come out looking like me."

"There is a reason why they call them Strong, [Y/N]. Do not give them an opportunity to call your children Bolton's... Or any other last name than Targaryen."

"As I said, I cannot help if they look like me." You were exasperated by this point, just wanting the conversation to end.

"I would love them however they came out but please do not do anything which could risk your safety."

"Mother, you're speaking in riddles and happenstances. Please do not have another drink or father will be leaving here with you dragging out behind him."

"Heed my warning, my sweet child, but tonight you shall have fun and dance with whomever you deem fit. Leave me to enjoy my wine, even if your father has to unceremoniously drag me — or carry, we both know your father would never drag me — out of this room."

"I love you, mother." You stood from the chair, kissing her cheek on the way up, "Consider your warning well received."

"Such a good girl, what did I do to deserve such a child?"

"You only had one daughter." You joked, "Please excuse me, I have many things to think about."

"I love you too, please do not forget that."

Your conversation had left you feeling uneasy, your gaze trying to find Aemond's only to see he was busy speaking to his mother. Perhaps he wasn't as mad at you as you had originally thought. Though your mother's words of not baring children with the typical Targaryen features had almost dimmed your evening. What should happen if you bore the wrong sort of children. Would you be treated as though he treated Rhaenyra? Would you be so easily cast aside and insulted? You did not dare to let it leave your mind, the absolute terror could not show, but it was there, under the surface level smiles and pleasantries.

You had deemed your ladies the fittest to dance with, dance after dance you had spent with them, having fun, laughing while it seemed like they had almost inhaled wine.

Aemond's eye had followed you as you had enjoyed your time with the woman within your company. He supposed you had to get used to them, they would continue to be with you from this moment onwards. Or rather, until you gave them permission to marry whichever suitor they came to you with.

You were a fascinating woman, choosing not to stay in one space for too long, smiling pleasantly — there was a juxtaposition between you both, and Aemond couldn't be happier for it. You were like sunshine, always bright and bubbly, spending time with his dearest sister, ensuring she wasn't made fun of. He respected you, and he was going to show it tonight.

Your dancing had attracted attention from other nobles. It was not often that women had danced with one another for such a long period of time. Though your ladies were being picked off one by one, nobles wanting to gain their attention for marriage prospects. You were happy for them, truly, however much the loneliness spiked as your final girl stayed with you.

It had to be your brother — he was beyond bothersome, and you looked awkward and panicked on the ballroom floor. The gigantic dress taking up far too much space and without a partner. If at least one person had noticed your distress, they hadn't come to your aid. The jewellery on your being was fiddled with as you tried to make your exit look graceful, but you wanted to run far away from the humiliation of being partnerless.

You had been grabbed by the waist — you had almost fought back until Aemond had calmed you. "It seems as though you've danced with everybody in this room besides your husband."

You had laughed, though it had not been heard over the music, as you turned around to face your husband. "You did not ask me to dance... I didn't know you like to dance."

"I don't," He retorted, "But I'll make the exception for you."

"Oh, I must be so special."

"Whatever my wife wants, she will have."

"And if I want to leave with you, right now, would you save me from the festivities?" You inquired, the intimacy you had felt at the current moment had put you on edge, never being so close to a man before, much less a man you were expected to lay with. To produce heirs with. The expectation had piled up far too much.

"You want to leave? You looked as though you were having fun."

"Crowded places are not my preferred place to be, there is also too much attention placed on me, I don't know if I can cope for much longer." You were finally voicing what you had bottled within you all night, the shakiness within your voice to admitting such things had alarmed Aemond.

"We shall finish this dance?" He'd asked as the two of you continued, your steps were much clumsier than intended but you simply could not help it. "It shall be our last of the night."

"My blood, sweat, tears, and my last dance, take it all away." You had whispered into Aemond's ear as the two of you had danced together.

"Leave with me."

"To where? We cannot escape our own ceremony unnoticed."

"Do you trust me?" You had looked into his indigo eye, as though it was not a question you could contemplate — of course you had trusted Aemond, you had married him without hesitation when he had asked.

"Without hesitation." Came your response, your dress was bulking and heavy but you didn't doubt making a run for it would be hard but at least you had Aemond by your side.

"Then leave with me, most people are too drunk to notice us gone and I fear now will be the only time we can escape."

"You drive a hard bargain." The wine had made its way to your head, the giggles which had escaped your mouth were not sounds you'd typically make. "Save me life a prince in a fairytale, take the maiden and make off with her, is that it?" You'd always had a fascination with the fairytales from a young age. From maidens to knights to unexplainable beasts, from saving damsels to damsels saving themselves.

"You don't have to ask me twice." Aemond had left you no time to comprehend movement within your body, his hand still in your own as he dragged you off to wherever he intended the destination to be. However, as you left the room with as much subtly as a dragon screeching, your eyes connected with your mother's, showing everything she feared would happen tonight for you. Perhaps womanhood was more daunting, even with the liberation you so desperately sought from marriage.

thank u for reading this fic! again feedback would be appreciated but u don't need to give it, the next instalment will be posted in exactly a week (wed, 8th)! cross posted on ao3 under the name hedonism! reformatted on 7th april 2023.

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #hotd x reader #hotd imagine #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen #asoiaf x reader #asoiaf imagine #aemond targaryen imagine #ive been writing e2l recently (not fanfic) and i wanted smth not... that despite how good aemond makes for an e2l fic #ewan just did an interview w the face and omg HIS face is beautiful and some of his answers had me dying #im so down bad for this man #i wrote some of this while clowning and encouraging my friend to get this number of a guy flirting w her but i'm the one writing x reader f #who's the real clown?#u dont know the musical journey i went on writing this bc it was surely a journey

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doubledyke · 3 months

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How do you believe Eddy actually is without his Bro mask? I mean, I don't believe he would be radically different or anything- he probably still has his hotheadness, stubborness and egocentrism- but he would also be a bit more chill, more openly caring and more helpful and friendly towards his buddies and another people?

Still quite flawed and bratty, but also much more of a nice guy at the same time, summing up.

brother you just opened a whole ass can of worms on this here page

eddy angst and eventual fawning below

even after bps i imagine eddy's guard is gonna be allllllll the way up for a long time. nonetheless, he's ecstatic to be welcomed into the in-crowd. finally, an excuse to wear all those clothes he keeps in that closet o' dreams. his shoulders loosen up a bit over time, he's cool, he's getting invites to all the shindigs. he's chasing this conditional acceptance so much that he might even drift away from the eds for a while- ed and edd not exactly being the partying types.

but he's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. right on his neck. waiting for the moment he says or does the wrong thing. or the moment his searing rage burns through this newfound passivity. he's just doing what everyone else does, what everyone wants him to do. asking someone how they're doing even if you don't really care, laughing when someone tells what could be construed as a joke. and standing up real straight, since double dee's always talking about "posturing" for some reason.

keeping up that front is exhausting though.. some nights he'd rather stay home, but if he did that he might never get invited anywhere ever again. and another of kevin's easyriders anecdotes, jonny's weed-fueled conspiracy theories, rolf's political proselytizing, and nazz's aggressive dancing sure as shit beats spending time with his own thoughts.

yup. this is the life.

the ticking time bomb explodes when someone accidentally bumps into him at one of these parties, and the uncomfortable laughter this elicits from his peers plunges him further into a sea of red, his ire hopping from one head to the next as he drunkenly gives them all what for. he lays into his peers in a way he's only ever seen edd do, then storms off into the inconveniently well-lit night, never to be seen or heard from again... until the next day at school, where to his horror, everyone is still being cool towards him? they're asking him if he's okay?? he should be fine, once he's picked his jaw up off the floor.

but they were supposed to hate him, give him a shiner to go along with the bruises he left on their collective ego. somethin' don't smell right, and it's not just the mix of mike's hard and last night's supper embedded between his shoelaces.

the only solution is to isolate, of course. out of sight out of mind. he starts showing up for school less and less, and when he's there it's not like he's paying attention. what's the point? as far as he can tell, his options were laid out before he was off his mom's tit: join dad at the dealership, or end up in a seaside trailer, running two-bit scams to supplement the part-time income he'd get as a ride operator. you don't need no stinkin' degree to push a button.

graduation comes and he doesn't go cuz you wouldn't catch him dead in one of those stupid ass hats and matching tablecloths. plus "getting older" is depressing. really depressing. as such, he becomes depressed. i wrote in painfully dumb detail what i think that might look like in the fic i was working on, so i'll spare you a rehashing of that.

anyway, his depressive episode subsides a bit and for the first time in his life he's looking inward. what does he want to do? who does he want to be? better yet WHO IS HE??? that's the thing with eddy, he has no idea who he is, and is terrified to find out. it was easy enough to mirror his brother when he mistook fear for respect. but no one is scared of him, and no one respects him, especially now that they see what a loser his brother is. so what does he have to lose by being himself? whatever that means.

at the forefront is that big lavender question mark that's been looming over his head since he was in diapers; the only "mental illness" his dad acknowledges as real.

he has another mini crisis when he is forced to accept that he's gay. followed by a torrent of relieved tears. relief mixed with horror, as it all makes an embarrassing amount of sense now. admitting that everyone was right SUCKS, but he'll look past that for the time being, and enjoy the fleeting lightness in his chest. it feels eerily similar to the day everyone found out the truth about his brother- minus the agony of cracked ribs.

his brother... oh shit, his FATHER. wipe those tears away mary. you better not be caught puffy eyed and red faced in this house son, 'less you been brawlin'.

anyway if i continue i'd be spoiling that fic i mentioned cuz i do plan on continuing it in some form or fashion eventually. the point of that fic is to pretty much go over what i think happens to eddy to get him to the point that he FIRST realizes and accepts he needs to heal at all, and then can begin the long, non-linear process of restoring what was taken from him by the hands of people who were supposed to love and protect him. that's the only way he'll be able to learn who he is and gradually let that take place of the caricature that was forced upon him.

accepting that he's gay is gonna seem like a breeze once he starts digging in to the real ugly shit. but it absolutely has an affect on his personality both as a kid before he realizes it and going forward as an out and proud adult. if you think he's flamboyant in the show...

but yes, his true personality is still, as you said, cantankerous, boisterous, egomaniacal, etc. perhaps becomes a bit more sophisticated with age lmao. take the way he acts in season one and a dash of season three in there for the best example of what i imagine he might be like on an average day in his adult life.

he'll always deal with anger management issues and depression, he's gonna have days, weeks, months where he's season 5 levels of unhinged. but like we all do, he learns to cope in ways besides bashing his skull into the nearest wall and/or tree. but don't get me started on that.

just as a side note, and not because you implied this or anything, but people who struggle with anger aren't bad people, and anger isn't inherently bad. he has every right to feel the rage he feels imo. i feel like removing those less "desirable" traits from him entirely really detracts from his fantastically complex character.

as far as how he treats the people closest to him go read @gettingfrilly's analysis of eddy and empathy for a much more informed, concise and well worded take than i can provide. my opinion is that it's a struggle for eddy to show kindness and consideration but he will get there in time with the right support. his fear of intimacy and vulnerability is something i hope to touch on in the fic too, so i'll save my ramblings on that topic for a later time.

overall, most of eddy's personality i wouldn't want to change, but it will mature and take on different forms as he gets older. his brashness, his humor (dude is so goddamn funny), his low tolerance for what he considers bullshit, his stupid charm, his ridiculous vanity. they all make him who he is and i wouldn't change them for the world!!

he's not going to get along with everyone and there will be people who simply don't like him, but once his barbs have been sanded down a bit, i think eddy would be really well liked by the people around him whose personalities and interests jell with his. his snark and gallows humor would be easily integrated into the many kitchens and bars he works in, and he'd have no trouble making friends. he's charismatic as all hell, and surprisingly cultured. i feel like people don't give him enough credit for how smart he is, but i see it. his confidence and resilience ensure that he WILL be successful in the things he sets out to do, it's just a matter of time and a little luck.

#look man i think everyone knows by now that i'm incapable of sticking strictly to the question at hand #but i had a lot of fun writing that mini fic at the start there lol and i feel like it's pertinent enough so we're gonna roll with it #thanks for asking and i'll get to the other asks soon #i really appreciate people taking the time to send me stuff i just dont always have time or know what to say at the time 🥴#but i'll try! to my own and everyone else's chagrin #text

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