#I'm not funny though

[enjolras-out]

Hey there! Lol I was tempted by the “possession” story, but how can I resist asking about “The Third Weirdest Day of the Hero of Legend’s Life”???? I’d love to read a snippet or know more about it!

Thanks for the ask Gin! This is theoretically going to be my attempt at a chain meets fic, probably from Legend's POV though Four and Hyrule are also main characters. Some of the Links are freaked out, some of them are excited, but Legend's just finding the whole situation totally ridiculous. Or something.

“How many of you are there?”

“A question for a question?” Legend suggested hopefully. The kid’s eyes narrowed and the tip of his sword dug just a little deeper into Legend's throat. “Okay, okay, fine,” Legend said hurriedly. “We’re lost. Maybe you can tell us where we are.”

“How many?”

“Seems a little unfair that you get to ask all the questions.”

“I’m not the one about to get their throat cut.” They stared at each other. I really should be feeling at least a little bit nervous, Legend thought.

#wip ask game #lu legend #linked universe #writing snippet #chain meets #WHY won't tumblr do line breaks #this is supposed to be a funny fic #kinda #I'm not funny though #so we'll see what happens

[adhd-merlin]

opened my mobile kindle app for the first time in a while and it immediately started harassing me about le morte d'arthur

#the funny thing is I *was* thinking about this book #yesterday though #that's not why I'm here #arthuriana #*

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I

(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 #twisted wonderland book 7 part 7 spoilers #and so ends the saga #(this time for real i promise) #malleus post-episode 7: shroud...i should have heeded your warnings...now tell me more about how i may hunt this elusive 'snipe' #alas poor puppies :( i'm glad they had a little aside about how they can fix them after this whole mess #let ortho have his dogs! #man i love that this has come down to malleus vs technology though #MY FAVORITE #ortho: you can destroy the shell that links me to this mortal world...but can you select the CORRECT DOWNLOAD LINK??? #malleus: (downloads a billion viruses and dies instantly) #also i'm probably the only one who thinks idia complaining about his own mental tartarus prison is funny #but there we go #idia has two modes and two modes only #he's either in the middle of a metaphor where he finally forgives himself for his brother's death and takes charge of his own destiny #or he's like 'fuck yeah i'm about to get isekai'd into the internet! (immediately falls over making dying whale sounds)' #wait no he has a third mode: actively suffocating because silver and sebek won't stop squishing him #look he's just delightful no matter what's going on okay

[teaboot]

Ohmygoooddddddddd I was talking about martial arts with a dude at work and jokingly offered to demonstrate a takedown on him and he went "I'm flattered but I'm married" and it's been so long since I've encountered that weird flirty-jokey double entendre whatever thing that men do that I forgot to joke back and just winced real hard and went "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" straight to his fuckin face hghgsttdfyfghvyjghfyghhfhhghhfggfhggh

#TERFS fuck off I'm genderqueer #It was so fuckin funny though the look on his face

[originalartblog]

Aya honey. Bra-chan's gonna go splat.

#i hope nobody did it yet i've been keeping away from the tags recently #i know we're all thinking it though skdjfhksjf #i think i'm very funny with my comedic timing btw #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanart #bsd aya #bsd koda aya #bsd bram #bsd bram stoker #bsd manga spoilers #bsd spoilers #bsd 109 #nawy's comics

[iwasbored777]

The amount of times they teased Broppy wedding isn't funny anymore, I just want it to happen now

#they think they're funny but I'm dying i need them to get married more than air that i breathe #but poppy obviously isn't ready even though branch is 100% ready he would get married right here right now #trolls holiday in harmony #trolls band together #trolls 3 #poppy #branch #Broppy #trolls poppy #trolls branch #let's go get married

[anistarrose]

pokemon fans after explaining to arceus (gamefreak) why their fave should be the next character to experience indescribable trauma, severe memory loss, separation from friends/family, and most importantly a surge in angsty fanworks:

[ID from alt: an edit of the "put that thing back where it came from or so help me" meme from Monsters Inc, where the caption has been changed to: "Put that thing in 1800s Paris or so help me". End description.]

#pokemon #pokemon legends za #this is about me i'm pokemon fans #if it's not a frontier brain i want it to be gladion or lillie. bc it would emotionally ruin me for the rest of my life and i crave that #obviously i'll eat it up if it's emmet though. gamefreak has the potential to be so funny

[kthulhu42]

The funniest thing about this post is that the username "Chuunibyou" literally translates from Japanese to "middle school syndrome" and it refers to a kid with delusions about having powers or abilities and refusing to grow out of their imaginary games.

The second funniest thing is that they're literally mansplaining womanhood.

#radblr #radical feminism #terfblr #terfsafe #Except it's not really funny at all because they're once again fetishising our sex and acting as though dressing up gives them #Any understanding whatsoever of our lived realities #Look how often they mention femininity as though that has anything to do with being female #I'm not feminine yet I'm still 100% a woman #The most feminine male will still be a man

[theabigailthorn]

my TV series pitch just got rejected by a production company who said it's too funny and not commercial enough, which, frankly, BEST FEEDBACK EVER??!!!

#no to be fair though some companies specialise in comedy and some don't and these guys don't so I get it #Love that my writing isn't commercial enough though lmao #what would “commercial” even mean in this context? #while the characters are running for their lives they stop and go “I'D LIKE TO THANK THIS EPISODE'S SPONSORS LOVEHONEY” #love that I'm funny apparently? I thought I was just blunt haha

[thevoidstaredback]

Honestly, Danny doesn't know how he gets into these situations. It's probably the fault of a deity or an Ancient or someone. It's most definitely Clockwork's fault.

Going on that mission with Constantine sounded like a good idea at the time, and Raven was going to be there! She's the best impulse control on the team. He realizes he should've clarified why Raven was going with them. Evidently, it was not to help or be impulse control for the Ghost King and the Alcoholic Soul Whore. (Don't tell Constantine that's his nickname) Raven was going along because she had business at Titan Tower. It should've been obvious, but Danny is not the most observant.

Either way, he was wrong. He thought going on this mission with John - there was a demon running around an apartment building and people were, apparently, quite upset about that - would deter the Justice League from hounding him like roaches. He was right about that, but also very wrong because the proteges took the opportunity to sniff him out like the bloodhounds they are. Unsurprisingly, Red Robin was at the head of the charge.

Raven, the traitor, sat back and laughed at him. She wasn't laughing, but it was obvious that she found his misery amusing.

Anyway, this lead to a citywide hunt for Danny. Anytime he spotted even a hint of any of the Titans chasing him, he was gone. He couldn't stray too far from Constantine, though, and Beast Boy had a nose like a damn elephant.

The chase lasted a solid three hours before he had to let them catch him, if only so that he could tell them to leave him alone because he's there on official JLD business. Not like that would actually work, but he had hope. Unfortunately, he forgot that Red Robin is Bat Trained.

Danny took a second for himself before the Titans caught up with him. Was this really better than Deadman harassing him about his first time in Gotham? No, it wasn't. It wasn't any worse, either, and he didn't know how to feel about that.

"Are you finally done running?" Red Robin asked, landing in a crouch in front of him.

Danny folded his legs to sit criss-cross in the air as the rest of the kids that had been chasing him joined RR. "You make it sound like I'm a criminal."

"You ran like one," Beast Boy pointed out. Fair, but rude. "And, dude, I don't know if you know this, but you smell horrible."

Danny placed a hand on his chest with a dramatic gasp. "How dare you! I took a shower just last week!"

Raven was now unamused.

Superboy gagged a bit. "He's right," A small shudder. "I couldn't smell it before, but I can now that you're so close to me."

He sighed with equal dramatics as his gasp. "I guess I can never get rid of the smell, even after all this time."

Wonder Girl tilted her head to the side slightly. "Oh? And what smell would that be?"

"The smell of death," John Constantine, ever a man of impeccable timing, turned onto the side street to join them. He largely ignored the kids in favor of the ghost child who isn't actually a child but no one listens to him when he explains that so he's probably going to stop trying. "It lingers. C'mon, kid, we've got a demon to exorcise."

Danny huffed like a petulant child, "Still not a kid!"

Constantine continued walking away. "Still don't care."

Part 4 Part 6

Tag List:

@zaiothe4th @someonebored0100 @wolfeyedwitch @angelheartgamer @nymanders @princessbelix @luminanightfall @kgne-k @bianca-hooks123 @reigning-catsanddogs @sassywombatranchhorse @dontfightmecauseillcry @soul-lime @anarinette

#part 5 #dc x dp #dcxdpdabbles #dp x dc #dcxdp #dcu #danny phantom #ghost king danny #the elephant comment is a complete coincidence #it's funny and I'm not complaining though #teen titans #red robin #justice league dark #I keep thinking of Dick's Titan Team instead of Tim's #we're figuring it out though #jld #no ships #If it's not been obvious #I've never actually read any of the DC comics #It's also been a minute since I last watch Danny Phantom #Enough Caffeine to Kill an Elephant #sorry for the short updates for this story

[chiricat]

acheswan 🔥

#cat’s art #penacony #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr fanart #acheron #black swan #acheswan #it's been a while... alas #i've either been super busy or having generally less than pleasant feelings about my art ... #enough about that though #MY PROTAG NUIS CAME!!!! THEY ARE SO CUTE AND LOVELY AND SOFT #and i'm almost finished with p3re! I'M SCARED... EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS THAT THEY WERE BAWLING AT THE ENDING SCENES #also what is wrong with ryomina. RYOJI IS SO FUNNY LIKE BRO... BRO? ARE YOU G #will i be able to ryomina or will i get paralyzed by “they're too beautiful and i could never do them justice” ... find out next time

[royalarchivist]

Mine: Refer to me however you want!

Mike: Yeah, for me too. I think I use all pronouns too.

[They high-five and fist-bump each other]

Mine:

[via @barbmine]

#Mine #Barbmine #Mikethelink #Mike #I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMM THEY'RE SO FUNNY #Mine funniest person alive fr #also YOOOO LETS GO?????? #I didn't know Mike was ok with any pronouns #and Mine too??? that's awesome! #Also for those who don't know: Mine is Mike's wife! #They're both bi #They're so cool I wanna have a silly sweet partnership like this someday *clenches fist and stares off into the sunset* #As per usual: not a native Portuguese speaker so can't translate the full thing #please feel free to hop in with translations and/or corrections! #Though I'm pretty confident about these. Wouldn't post it if I wasn't #I'll be real idk how to translate viado LMAO #It's like. Not what google translate will tell you it means #idk imo I think ''homo'' sounds right but ONCE AGAIN: I'm not a Portuguese speaker #Poor Mine I laughed when she first posted this image ages ago and I replied to her saying it gave me a good laugh and she was like #''WAIT I PROMISE IT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT GOOGLE TRANSLATE SAYS IT MEANS'' #it's all good Mine I'm bi too I am not phased lmao #I don't personally use that word but I do not care when other queer folks use it

[beebfreeb]

I don't think Senshi would play Cooking Mama. He would think it's a great game for the kids to have but it wouldn't appeal to him like the real thing. He wouldn't play any actual cooking sims, either. He would play Tetris and Candy Crush.

#dungeon meshi #funny talking tag #He would LIKE Cooking Mama #he'd play a few recipies and say Oh that's cute #and give the DS back and say I'm glad this is encouraging kids to get into cooking :) #I'M SAYING THIS AS A COOKING MAMA SUPER FAN #I LOVE COOKING MAMA. #One of my favorite games. The state of my Cooking Mama 3 DS cartridge is DIREEE #and I can accept that Senshi would not play it #He is a mobile phone gamer. #He doesn't seem very tech literate but I mean that in the like... #He could use a laptop and update a cooking blog and that's about it. #If something went wrong he would have to get someone else to help him. #Falin built a gaming PC though.

[untitled-tmnt-blog]

... And the never-ending "shadows vs shorts" debate continues!

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #ron corcillo #twitter #I know it's called X now but I'm not just gonna tag this post as X that feels weird #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #I have no stance on this debate other than I think it's funny #I tend to draw them as though they are shorts #but shadows also makes perfect sense #I mean #they're turtles #humanoid turtles #but still turtles #my post #has this already been posted here before? #I never know when twitter stuff makes its way here

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children they’re allergic to any kind of jewellery that isn’t made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold. 

It’s not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much. 

And it doesn’t end with shiny things, oh no… 

The Ancunín brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.

They’re seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in children’s sticky hands. 

There’s even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchanted—the instrument certainly looks extravagant enough! 

And then there’s always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the Ancunín children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways. 

So, it’s no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their children—some might say they’re even spoiling them rotten. 

And maybe they are, especially Astarion.

But he doesn’t see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to.  

When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters. 

Because, these people, they don’t know anything about the Ancuníns. 

They don’t know that it’s not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sun…

That any holes and tears the children’s clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time. 

Nor do they know that Astarion doesn’t mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they don’t touch the mangy animal. 

No, those people know nothing at all...

“Not tired!” Astarion’s youngest cries; the vehement denial of her father’s earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.

The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable. 

Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort. 

By now, he knows every step of this game.

“Tut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?” Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. “We only tell lies outside of this house.”

Unfazed by her father’s gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that haven’t yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav. 

Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this time—the list is growing longer by the day, after all. 

“What’s the matter, dear?” Astarion asks gently, hoping it’s something easily fixable as it’s growing rather late. 

“Want apple!”

Decades ago, Astarion might’ve rolled his eyes—he knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, it’s been haunting him all day—but once he started to treat his children’s problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier. 

“Why, let’s get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?” 

The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress. 

She rests her cheek against her father’s shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.

Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knife’s blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.

“Here you go,” he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. “A sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesn’t it taste so much better when we don’t eat it off the floor, darling?” And when it’s not crawling with ants…

The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls. 

Her hair’s getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day. 

Once, Astarion would’ve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair that’s not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it. 

But that’s why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.

Astarion can tell by his toddler’s heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her. 

The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed. 

He’s just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughter’s tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.

“Thank you, papa,” she mumbles, more asleep than awake.

Astarion pauses.

He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples won’t be that appealing anymore. 

By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.

And sometimes he wonders what it’s like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe. 

He wonders what it’s like for his children to know that their father’s love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever. 

Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet. 

He’s often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family. 

These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.

He’s raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their father’s love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.

It’s the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him. 

Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips. 

After all these years—all these children—he’s still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.

And it won’t—not if Astarion can help it. 

“No, thank you, my heart,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddler’s head. 

When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dadstarion #astarion x tav #astarion headcanons #astarion x f!tav #baldur's gate astarion #astarion ancunin #to the best worst dad #astarion father of the year every year #emicha writes #idk how this turned out this long #I just put my daddy issues to work #I'm thinking about writing more casual one shot length pieces like this more often though #btw anyone else who only got real gold jewellery as a child? #having a grandma who told them fake jewellery isn't good for your skin? #and now that you're an adult you're left with a certain standard for jewellery but no money to actually pay for it? #because that's really funny ha! #I'll sleep better knowing the ancunin brood will just steal their jewellery even when they're not destitute

[tervaneula]

WAAOOOUUUGGHHH HAPPY BDAY @beeceit!!! Fawn I love you so much, you're so smart and funny and kind and I'm so happy to have met you <3

Uh oh Leonardo was supposed to be babysitting Bitty but I guess it's the other way around now. Congrats Bitty you're a dad now

(look at the bitty fic y'all do it for bitty)

#I actually had a lil comic in mind but I just don't have the energy. I'm happy I got this done though!!!! <3 #do not entrust toddlers to leonardo he will fall asleep trying to get them to fall asleep #this is purely based on my dad trying to get me to nap when i was just a wee babe. he fell asleep instead and mum took a photo of it #she's so funny i love her #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt fanfiction #future leonardo #future leo #rise leonardo #rise leo #turtle tot #turtle tot leo #pob bitty #nqk #nqk adjacent #tervdraws