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#I'm so mentally ill it's not funny

sanuue · 9 months

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I don't think y'all understand the true extent of my obsession with Cornelius, and truthfully you shouldn't. But that won't stop me from talking about the DESIRE for an asshole Cornelius I have that is genuinely so unsavory that i’d fully pay someone to write me a whole ass fanfiction that is just Cornelius living his life as the little geek he is, but from the lense of someone else(me duh).

Unfortunately I’m broke and budgeting doesn’t allow for me to spend that kind of money right now, BUT I’LL HAVE IT HAPPEN ONE DAY!!!

I’d like to know rn if anyone would eventually be willing to write me a Cornelius fanfiction if I paid yall whatever you’d feel fit when I eventually get the money for it 👀

I'm the type of person to be overdramatically kicking my feet and squealing over SINGLE PIECES OF DIALOGUE that authors would write for Cornelius when he rarely appears. It gets worse if it's snarky or mean, because then I'm pacing in my room like “SEE AND I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN CUZ-” and then i’d go on and on, detailing the fic as if there's anyone else there listening when its just me. I hope the ghosts are entertained by my outbursts😍

That's my bully tangent for today, I sincerely apologize for the hyperfixation.

#writers please consider #im dead serious about it #help me fuel my maladaptive daydreams please and thanks #I'm so mentally ill it's not funny #okay it's kinda funny #bully #bully scholarship edition #cornelius johnson

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lastofgallifrey · 8 months

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twelve spending 4.5 billion years punching through a 20ft thick wall of azbantium, a material apparently 400x harder than diamond, dying repeatedly in the process, all so he could get clara back... like whether you see them as platonic or romantic you cannot deny that he quite literally loved her to death

#me when i'm mentally ill #he had a duty of care or something #funny ass way to say i love you so much i'd spend 4.5 billion years dying and destroy time itself so we could explore the universe together #there is a rot in brain that is just Them #they still get to me BAD #tears in my eyes #sobbed #sobbing #will continue to sob #doctor who #twelveclara #clara oswald #twelfth doctor #12th doctor #peter capaldi #jenna coleman #the doctor #whouffaldi

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xenon-demon · 9 months

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I... have no idea what this is. No that's a lie I know exactly what this is, it's 2.6k of a Frozen AU with Steve as Elsa and Robin as Anna that I wrote in a fugue state after seeing a friend's production of Frozen: The Musical tonight. I have several WIPs I'm supposed to be working on and this is exactly none of them. Bone apple teeth. (Also I'm genuinely unsure if my usual crew of beloved enablers would even WANT to be tagged in this so... for now I'm not doing a taglist, and if I write any more of this AU I'll do one next time 😂)

“Steve!”

At the sound of his name, the Prince — now King, and boy is Robin going to take a while to get used to that — turns his head towards her. Seeing it's Robin, Steve gives his apologies to whatever noble he was talking to and steps away from their conversation. He makes his way over to Robin in just a few short strides, but his eyes flick back and forth between Robin and her new... well. She doesn't really want to think about what Eddie now is to her. In any case, she can already see a questioning frown start to brew on Steve's face, meaning this will be a much harder sell than she expected.

“Robin!” Steve exclaims, his gaze almost immediately sliding over to Eddie and giving him a once-over. He sounds markedly more subdued when he continues, “I see you've... made a friend.”

“Well, I wouldn't say a friend exactly!” Robin laughs, shrill and stilted, and gives Eddie's arm a pointed squeeze when he doesn't immediately join in. Getting the hint, Eddie finally starts laughing along. Hopefully Steve didn't notice her hinting, since she's had her arm wrapped around Eddie's since before she even called him over.

Steve raises an eyebrow at her, and shit does she need to keep this moving.

“This,” Robin announces, using the hand that's not around Eddie's arm to do a quick flourish in the direction of his face, “is Prince Edward of the Kingdom of Forest-Upon-Hills. We met at the ball tonight.”

“It's an absolute pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty,” says Eddie, trying his best to show the proper respect and bow as he does so. Robin's death grip on his arm prevents him from getting very far.

“Likewise,” Steve replies, sounding incredibly skeptical of this whole conversation. He then shoots Robin a look, which, rude, but also entirely warranted given what she's about to ask him.

Steeling herself, Robin begins to say, “Prince Edward and I-”

“Just Eddie is fine,” Eddie interrupts her, leaning in a little bit closer to her as he whispers. He's got terrible volume control, however, so she wouldn't know it was meant to be a whisper if she hadn't spent the past two hours talking to him.

“Not one for formalities, Prince Eddie?” Steve asks, the weight of his gaze finally leaving Robin's shoulders for a moment. God, she often wishes her brother was easier to read, but never as strongly as she does right now.

Eddie, meanwhile, straightens up so quickly it's like he's been electrocuted.

“Uh, not particularly, no. They grate on me,” Eddie says. He pauses for a moment, and Robin can see the deliberation on his face before he adds, “Your Majesty.”

“I'm not one for formalities either, Prince Eddie,” Steve says. His mouth twitches into a very small smile. “I prefer Steve.”

There's a pause, then, where Steve and Eddie are locked into some strange stare-down, while Robin looks on in vague exasperation. She's pretty sure she could strip naked and swing from the chandelier in the center of the ballroom and neither of them would take any notice of her. She's about to intervene, actually, because they really do not have time for whatever this is, when Eddie miraculously breaks the spell himself. He blinks a bit, looking away from Steve and back to Robin, face significantly more flushed than it was a minute ago.

“I believe you were saying something to K- to Steve, Princess?” Eddie asks, just about tripping over Steve's new title on instinct before catching himself.

Robin just barely restrains herself from rolling her eyes. She really is the bravest, most long-suffering warrior in all of Hawkins.

Putting her brave face back on, Robin turns to her brother and says, “Yes I was, thank you Eddie, I was saying that Prince Eddie and I-” and here she falters, because Steve looks back at her and meets her gaze. She swallows, trying to be subtle, and looks very pointedly at Steve's forehead instead of his eyes. She can't do this if she's looking him in the eye.

She takes another half second to compose herself, then rips the band-aid off.

“Prince Eddie and I seek your blessing for our marriage.”

“Excuse me?” Steve says, more like demands, almost choking on nothing. Robin's never seen her brother this off-kilter in her life. He doesn't even try to compose himself at all before he says, “Robin, can I speak to you for a moment? Alone?”

Robin swallows guiltily, knowing he'll see straight through her if she agrees.

“No. Anything you want to say to me, you can say to both of us,” Robin says, and how her voice stays steady, she doesn't even know. It probably helps that she's still not looking Steve in the eye.

“Robin- I don't-” Steve interrupts himself to run his gloved hands down his face. He pauses for a moment, face completely covered by his hands, and takes a deep sigh. When he removes his hands and starts speaking again, his voice is measured. Calm. Deadly.

“Rob, you can't marry a man you just met,” Steve states. The word man falls heavy off his tongue, and Robin knew she would regret coming out as a lesbian, she just didn't think it would be like this. Squaring herself up for the best performance of her life, Robin begins her improvised speech full of bullshit to convince her brother to let her do this.

Before she can, however, Eddie chimes in with, "You can if it's true love." Steve doesn't even spare Eddie a glance, but his frown does deepen significantly. Shit.

“Steve,” Robin begins, trying very hard to stay calm, “Eddie and I have a connection unlike any I've ever felt before. I lo-love him”—shit, she could feel the bile rising in the back of her throat saying that, and judging by the almost-imperceptible twitch in Steve's eye, he knows too—“and I think it's time I start giving back to the Kingdom of Hawkins.”

“Giving back?” Steve asks, and fuck he's folding his arms across his chest now. “How exactly is this giving back to the kingdom? What you're doing is running headfirst into the first bad decision you can find.”

”I'm a bad decision?” Eddie asks. Both Robin and Steve ignore him.

“No, Steve, I'm giving back by giving the kingdom a new celebration to look forward to after your coronation,” Robin hisses. “A royal wedding is another opportunity to open the castle gates and bring the kingdom together-”

“Absolutely not,” Steve snaps, interrupting her. “We are not opening up the castle gates again for a long time.”

“Why not, Steve?” Robin snaps back. “Tonight's been great for the kingdom's morale, it's been great for you to see people and actually socialize-”

“You have no idea what's good for me, Robin,” Steve says, making her stop dead. It hurts, hearing Steve say that like it's obvious and she's stupid for not knowing it already. What hurts more is that it’s true.

Once it's clear Robin won't keep talking, Steve continues, “You asked for my blessing, and I do not give it. I don't approve of this, and if you're doing this in some misguided attempt to make me happy- quite frankly you've gone insane if you think this would make me happy.”

With that, he turns to walk away.

Okay, sure, she has no idea what Steve's whole deal is or why he's always shutting her out, but Robin is sure she knows what will help.

Sure, part of this crazy scheme is the vague idea that if Robin has a picture-perfect capable-of-bearing-children partnership, then Steve will be under less pressure himself to marry someone who can produce an heir. Maybe, with less scrutiny on his personal choices, he'll learn to relax and open up more over time. That idea falls apart pretty quickly, however, as the thought of producing an heir with a man - even one as fun to talk to as Eddie - makes her want to gouge her own eyes out. No, the real reasoning behind Robin's (admittedly insane) plan to marry someone she met two hours ago at her brother's coronation is so she has an ironclad reason for Steve to open the gates again. Sure, ideally it would've been a woman who caught her eye tonight, but she can't be picky. Robin doesn't meet anyone, especially with the castle locked up like it always is, and she has yet to think of something other than a wedding that would convince Steve to open the gates. Then Eddie came along, laughing and flirting (she thinks, at least; Robin's tried to black that part out) and professing his undying true love to her, and this was the best opportunity she was ever going to get.

And she has to convince her brother to open the gates again. Steve's been thriving tonight. He clearly loves the thrum of people, all of them dancing and laughing and enjoying themselves, and he's slowly coming out of his shell with every conversation he has with their subjects. Robin's spent more time talking to her brother tonight than she has in a long, long time. Too long for her to try to quantify it without crying.

Watching her brother turn away from her, the promise of a relationship with him going forward about to slip through her fingers, she knows she has to do something.

“Steve, wait-” Robin says, reaching out for Steve. She grabs him by the hand, feeling the soft cotton of the white gloves he always, always wears.

“Enough, Robin,” Steve says, not even looking back as he yanks his hand out of her grip. She's trying to hold on, though, so she's left holding his glove as Steve pulls his now-bare hand away from her. God, how upsetting is it that it's been years since she saw the back of her own brother's hands?

Steve swears, then, under his breath. Robin almost doesn't hear it; almost.

“Robin, give me my glove.” Steve's not asking; he's demanding. Robin can work with this.

“Not unless you talk to me about why you won't open the gates. Look at how tonight went, it's been so good for you-”

“This isn't up for debate, Robin, give me my glove,” and Steve reaches for it then, but Robin quickly holds the glove up high above her head before he can grab it.

“Why isn't it up for debate? Why do you isolate yourself all the time?” Robin's almost dancing now, twisting and turning as she tries to keep the glove away from Steve's grabbing hands. It doesn't help that he's taller than her, but she's more agile than people think, especially since Steve's in full coronation regalia right now. The material's stiff as a board at the best of times.

“You wouldn't understand, just give me the- ugh!” Steve's stopped trying to grab the glove, instead trying to restrain her and make it easier to grab.

“Maybe I would understand if you'd talk to me instead of shutting me out all the time-” Steve's almost got her in a headlock, but Robin ducks out from underneath it and quickly steps away and out of Steve's reach.

“Robin, that's enough!” Steve shouts, and then several things happen consecutively.

Steve reaches out towards Robin with his right hand, the one missing the glove.

Robin thinks she's going crazy, but- what look like snowflakes shoot out from Steve's hand where he's reached for her.

The crowd, most of whom had turned to look at Steve's shout, gasp, almost in unison.

“I- Steve-” Robin says, not quite sure where to start with the -- actually quite sizable -- pile of snow now on the ballroom floor.

“No,” Steve gasps, and Robin's never heard her brother so distraught. It makes something keen inside her, the sheer anguish in his voice. “No, no no no, this can't be happening, this can't-” Steve reaches up to pull at this hair, but more snow and ice shoots out from his hand as soon as it's pointing towards the ceiling. He flinches away from his own hand, sheer terror on his face, but with every movement Steve makes more and more snow and ice surrounds him. Within a few seconds, there's a wind picking up as well, and it's like a snowstorm is starting to form right there in the castle dining room.

The crowd, originally shocked into silence, starts to move again. Robin hears screaming, people running, shouting from the guards about an evacuation plan, but it's all faint and distorted like she's underwater. All she can focus on right now is Steve, the way his terror is only worsening by the moment.

“Steve, let me help you,” Robin calls over the roar of the crowd and the storm, taking a few steps towards him. She needs to get his attention before getting closer, the last thing she wants to do right now is startle him.

“Stay away from me!” Steve yells, holding up his hands in an instinctive 'stay back' gesture. Yet more ice shoots out towards Robin as he does so. “I’m not safe!”

“I don't care! You're my brother!” Robin shouts back, but Steve doesn't seem to hear her. He's looking down at his hands in horror, then at the waist-high line of ice between the two of them.

Robin somehow knows what he's going to do the moment before he does it.

“Steve!” Robin screams, breaking into a run. Steve's faster than her, always has been, so he makes it to the doors of the ballroom well before she can catch him. It also helps that people, even the guards posted at the doors, part to make room for him whenever he draws near. Seeing Steve push open the ballroom doors just enough to slip through them, Robin yells again, “Steve! Stop!”

“Princess Robin!” Someone crashes into Robin then, nearly sending the two of them flying. (Robin mentally thanks whatever God there may be that she wore pants and not a dress.) After regaining her footing, Robin looks at her assailant to find- oh, it's that guy. The Duke of one of their main trading partners, Tommy something. Haggard? Halfwit? Yeah, something like that.

“Princess Robin,” Tommy Hapless says, bending over with one hand on his knees and the other holding Robin's elbow as he catches his breath. God, Robin does not have time for this. “Princess, you can't- we need guidance. We need someone to... to lead us while the King is... indisposed.”

“I really don't have time for this,” Robin snaps, brushing his hand off her elbow. “Steve's my brother, I have to find him before he gets hurt!”

“I don't think... he's the one who'll be getting hurt,” Tommy Hanger-On says between gasps, quietly, but not so quiet Robin doesn't hear. She makes a point to stomp on his toes as she stalks off towards Eddie, who is doing his best to help people follow the evacuation advice. He looks faintly queasy, and very much like he would rather be literally anywhere else, but he's actually doing a pretty good job of guiding people where the guards want them.

Eddie doesn't notice her coming, so he jumps when Robin grabs him by the shoulder. She turns him around to face her, then grabs him by the other shoulder as well so she's looking him right in the eyes.

“I need to find Steve,” Robin says, not waiting for Eddie to finish whatever question he's opened his mouth to ask before continuing, “Can you take care of the kingdom until we get back?”

Eddie goes pale instantly. “What? I can't-”

“You're a prince, right? I know Forest-Upon-Hills is a pretty small kingdom, but how different can Hawkins really be?” Eddie doesn't look reassured, but Robin cares very little about that right now. She claps him on both shoulders in what she hopes is an encouraging gesture.

She grabs Eddie's hand and thrusts it up into the air, shouting, “Prince Eddie is in charge until I return!”

She then drops his hand before turning and running out into the night, ignoring the chaos behind her and the faint sounds of Eddie's confused protests.

Nothing matters to her now except for finding Steve.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #platonic stobin #stranger things fic #charlie writes things #stranger things frozen au #rockie #<- vickie is not in this snippet but she's kristoff in this AU so. endgame rockie. target audience #steddie #<- yes eddie is prince hans in this. yes he ends up with steve at the end. he's not evil like hans is don't worry about it.#i have a lot more thoughts about this AU because i'm mentally ill please feel free to ask me questions #e.g. i'm thinking dustin is olaf and max is sven purely because I Think It Would Be Funny. + max deserves to be a bitchy reindeer #also olaf!dustin very much has dustin's personality and snark he is nothing like olaf. the only similarity is he is a snow golem steve made #also it should be clear enough in this but considering it's 2am and it's not proofread: robin is Mega Gay in this and ends up w/ vickie #she just needs an excuse for steve to open the gates up again so she can convince him to do it more often after the wedding goes Perfectly™#her plan was to get the marriage annulled afterwards somehow (she has not thought this through At All god bless <3)#robin's like 'steve's in trouble emotionally oh god i have to run into traffic'

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wastemanjohn · 5 days

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i saw a tiktok that said "did boys chase you at school or are you funny now" and i died a little inside

#eh well i'm hot AND funny now #life works out lmao #if I wasn't so mentally ill I'd be a catch 🙃

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thebestfriendstoloverstrope · 8 months

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idk what it is but nothing makes me more convinced i'm neurodivergent like hanging out with a bunch of acquaintances (read: people who i'm still not accustomed to). like, suddenly my abnormalities are GLARINGLY obvious. like, wdym 90% of my emotional attention goes to clocking everyone's behaviors and reactions just to make sure i'm doing the right thing? wdym spending time with said acquaintances for just a few hours drains me of my battery entirely and i feel the need to spend a whole day alone in my room (read: safe, familiar environment) to recharge? when i'm by myself doing my thing like spending hours deep-diving into my hyper-fixations or being alone with my thoughts for three days straight it never even occurs to me that that's not what Normal People Do. at least, not until i force myself to try and do what Normal People Do, like go out and spend time with people i should be befriending... only to return to exhibit a

#it's so weird too bc i like these acquaintances! this is not necessarily a case of being anti-social. they're funny and nice and kind!#but MAN my brain goes into overload trying to... match them #is this what people mean when they talk about masking? is that what i'm doing? is this the Start Of Something New?#read: a discovery of mental illness?#god only knows #personal rants #neurodivergent #autism #maybe?

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months

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i used to think everyone was a mind-reader and that i was constantly being watched so i developed the habit to just assume everyone is omnipotent for funsies so i don't know how obvious/secretive i actually am when i do certain things because i just assume everyone knows everything this is why i feel comfortable pulling shit in front of cameras and why i am so silly funny with it because if i'm always being watched then i have to put on a show for everyone of course :)

#obvi i don't still think everyone is watching me i'm not *that* vain (lying) but i am less mentally ill now i prommy hehe #i'm just a silly funny guy born to entertain the masses #i can't believe there was a point in time where i felt afraid of being watched who gives a fuck look man it would be the greatest honor for #someone to watch me 24/7 i would be all am i being studied *looks at u with my big brown eyes* do u think i'm oh so fascinating do u #find my mind amazing do u want to have cameras follow me around forever for the rest of my life i wouldn't even say no if u asked

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eldragon-x · 1 year

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Character who's the main antagonist of a game which has themes of hope and despair and how bad experiences can affect someone to the point of influencing their whole world view and the reason she's the main villain is because her experiences have caused her to isolate herself save for a select few people who went through similarly horrible things and they all believe that the world is too "rotten", hopeless and far gone and it's impossible to live happily in it and they meet a deity telling them about a power that exists and grows stronger because of the negativity of everyone in the world and will eventually cause it's destruction so they dedicate themselves to protecting this power in order to die together (rather than dying one after another) and because they believe the destruction of the world as it currently is is the only possibility for a better future. And when the personification of all life in the world calls out for help to stop it she ends up manipulating each of them into believing that said personification of life is a malicious and destructive being and after her final confrontation with a mentally ill friend group who are themselves trying to get through things together and have regained their hope for a better world and future she realizes that things can change for the better even if you make the smallest contribution and the reason she and her friends are still here is because they helped each other survive and her last action in the story are her saving the protagonists, making it possible for them to continue on to stop the destructive force, ask of them to save the world, and cheer them on among the many others who have regained hope thanks to them. In the next game, she appears as a cameo and talks about how she herself is working to make the world a more hopeful place while still keeping in touch and checking on her old friends. And the character looks like this:

#saw someone make a similar post about chatot earlier to make the point how funny pmd characters are and. yeah #I'm so mentally ill about the pink little cartoon tapir #anyway play gates #pmd #suicide implied

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an-error-0ccurred · 5 months

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Here are some barely holding on eggs! Which one are you!?!?!

(1) A bunch of fricked up little creepy spider babies that are not really in an egg they're in a silk sack but honestly they're vibing and don't really want to leave so they're just eating each other

Itchy, random pains, pains that are faint and disappear only to reappear again, scared of spider georg, tastes like metal, loves ice

(2) blood you are full of blood and it likes to come out a lot

Blood, blood, for some reason your mouth feels like pineapple, blood, guess what more blood

(3) a unfortunate little chick who's got one leg that's shorter than the other and doesn't really have a beak so they're just kind of licking at the inside of the eggshell with their weird bird tongue

Generally tired, unsteady, visibly recognized as disabled, has probably eaten several worms, and will eat more

(4) two worms and one rollie pollie in a dirty plastic Easter egg

Tells people you are living your best life, you are most definitely not living your best life, your joints won't stay in and honestly you've given up on trying, someone should definitely check up on you

(5) acorn

Is not an egg, should not be on this list, has never broken a bone but is definitely a frequent flyer at the ER, might make a good jelly

(6) human pregnant person

Growing a whole ass person, while being a person, badass, quick question does it ever bother you that there's something inside of you that has its own autonomy and therefore moves inside of you but not under your control, eats the best snacks

(7) a gloopy handful of frog eggs freshly scooped from the pond the pond being a algae-filled forgotten bucket behind the shed

Gelatinous, full of sticks, wishing your head would feel either cold or hot to help with your migraines, no appetite, gelatinous, sweaty

(8) already decomposing unfertilized snake egg

Your body is literally melting, you might be on fire, would stab someone unprovoked, would insult when provoked, full of glue, overestimates you're own capabilities

Make enough friends and you can probably collect them all or you could be all of them if you are I'm sorry

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angelpuns · 11 months

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Hi new followers ( you all literally showed up overnight - I'm holding you all gently in my hands rn)

Hopefully, this makes me a bit more approachable, I realize I post on here in a way that makes me seem...scary? or maybe too serious Idk. I'm not really super well-acquainted with Tumblr even though I've had one for years soooo yeah

anyway here's my meet the artist since I never posted it here - I draw things other than turtles when I wanna. Also, my hair is now black and pink instead of blue. That's me tho.

Also Angel is my online nickname and it feels so silly I love having silly online name :3 I say also a lot.

#art #digital art #meet the artist #silly #silly guy alert #i'm silly i promise #undiagnosed mental illness makes me not so silly sometimes #but I'm still funny usually

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thediamondarcher · 8 months

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my aunt: *talking about her meds and how it affected her* you're lucky you're not to the point where you need meds

me: *gets the same prescription pills as her*

#it was so funny because that was last week and today i got the pills like 🧍‍♀️#she thinks I'm not as mentally ill as her because i don't show it

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astriiformes · 1 year

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Being in the same friend/mutual circles as other deeply mentally ill people on the internet is saving me a little bit right now because most other times I have finally accepted I probably have a disorder there has been a whole intense and painful grieving process while my entire self image distorts and I feel like my shot at recovery gets smaller and smaller, but this time around (ignoring that the final clue here has been an intense and total mental break) my reaction has been decidedly more "Well, guess I should maybe get around to assigning a name and personality to my brain demon."

#other deeply mentally ill people with like. coping mechanisms being the key thing here #otherwise it can be kind of unhealthy for me #but i have curated my internet experience accordingly #and like i am still doing extremely bad right now (it is past about 8pm so the horrors have descended on me again)#but it is at least sort of fun/funny to be like oh i see. i am allowed to envision this as a Malicious Supernatural Entity #not like how people used to think mental illness was caused by demons but also a little bit that. i'm just gothic protagonist-coded

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gayjaytodd · 9 months

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me? calling in sick to work so I can get railed by a sexy gymnast??? perish the thought, I would never!

(except I did and it was awesome and he made us dinner and listened to me infodump abt shakespeare)

#jay talks #yes I'm bragging what of it #his name is matthias and he's so hot and he's so funny and he let me win at mario kart even tho I'm terrible #having gay sex really does cure mental illness fr

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