#IT WOULDN'T BE THERE IF IT WASNT NEEDED

[chaoticrokiroki]

endeavour stans are the worst people on earth and i will tell you why.

take it in.

this is the worst take I've ever had the displeasure of seeing on endeavor's redemption arc.

let's just. brush over trauma shall we.

remember kids: having a father that bought your mom, emotionally abused your siblings, indirectly caused the eldest's death, caused your mother's mental breakdown that ended in you scarred forever and emotionally and physically abused you is BETTER than having no dad.

be thankful.

to be clear im obviously referring to this kind of endeavor stan, if you are part of the decent ones youre fine

#but his dad died :( #bnha #mha #enji todoroki #endeavour #rei todoroki #touya todoroki #natsuo todoroki #fuyumi todoroki #shoto todoroki #congrats on not only dismissing trauma Just Like That #but also your fave's redemption arc #IT WOULDN'T BE THERE IF IT WASNT NEEDED #endeavor was a bad person #a horrible father #a disgusting human being all around #dont you dare dismiss that bc #btw im speaking from someone that DOES NOT have a dad #bc at least mine wasnt there to beat my entire family was it #jesus the mental gymnastics some of you go through to pull this out of your asses #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers

[superbellsubways]

beta HB

#she used to be BLONDE #thank god the blonde era is over .❤️ #ive been figuring out her hair for months #was very indecisive #i need to do more with her. #she was made after bitz. cuz bitz' help wasnt enough #but despite that he sees her as a sorta big sister figure? he wouldn't want to admit it tho #oc #original character #heartbreaker #doodle

[hajihiko]

sorry if you explained this already and I didn't see but why in your profile background or whatever it's called, Hajime is so far away from everyone else?? Like, everyone is close and cuddling and he's just away from everyone else 😭

Alluding to the general feeling of not belonging yet and also the Horrors

#I think my thought process was like. They all crash together after That Ordeal #Everyones exhausted and confused and whatnot but Hajime especially needs to Adjust. So maybe he takes a moment #But when everyones asleep and it's quiet he needs a little floor breakdown. Who wouldn't #not an art #It's not that he wasnt allowed in he just excused himself for a sec

[laugtherhyena]

I love making stupidly long chapters due to always misjudging how long scenes turn out to be

#if this pose reminds y'all of that other hatamori drawing from a little while back that's because i sketched that one #while thinking of this chapter and didn't bother posting it since i didn't originally intend to draw this scene for the chapter art #you see. my original idea was to make a Cg edit of Ayame holding the class 79 group photo #but it was only when i stopped to grab that cg i noticed how horrendous the quality on it is for absolutely no reason #so if i wanted to make that edit i'd need to grab the Sdra2 version of that Cg remove Yamato and add Akane and Yuki back on it #and i just didn't have time for that when i took notice of this mess #but it's fine i like this drawing quite a bit. and i wouldn't have made it if it wasnt for that #so everything turned out cool at the end :] #dra #danganronpa another #dra -2+2 #ayame hatano #kizuna tomori #should i tag this as hatamori? #eh whatever #hatamori #for the 2 people who read this fic and hadn't realized that it's gay as hell #hyena scribbles

[gophergal]

Watched Defenders of the Realm with @cursed--alien today and realized that they gave Sub-Zero hips that do not lie. And the way they draw his costume makes his pants look like thigh high boots. So behold, The Thiccckening

#gopher art #sketchbook #mortal kombat #look i know its just supposed to be that he has a superhero bodytype (broad shoulders trim waist beefy thighs) #but with the costume the way it is? and how high up they draw the wide thigh? it gives him childbearing hips. which i think is fantastic #i wouldn't enjoy this show if i wasnt able to watch it and riff on it with my best friend. its not bad its just barely coherent #i need to draw bloodthirsty Sonya A. “KOMBAT TIME” Blade sometime. she fucking delights me. what a woman #also bonus doodle because THEY'RE SO FUCKING MEAN TO HIM? THE OTHER DEFENDERS ARE SO MEAN TO MY BOY #i want to hug him so he can cry it out 💔

[lupismaris]

Sometimes self care is having a very stern talking to with the wounded scared parts of yourself that don't want to do the hard and difficult things and reminding them that nothing will get better if the hard and difficult things aren't even attempted

And then as a reward you promise to buy those wounded parts of yourself an entirely hot pink/pastel pink practice set if they agree to do the work required, as a little treat

#my doctor hasnt cleared me for the pitch yet so I haven't been practicing or playing yet this season and it sucks #i went to nola to support the team and did so! but i still felt out of place and forgotten about because i wasnt playing #i was rooming with players and the majority of them were very self involved (semi derogatory) which i wouldn't fault them for #if it hadnt been so deeply exhausting and so constant even after the tourney. but it is what it is i was there for them #im just tired of always feeling like the forgotten 'oh right and the other james' and feeling unwanted which isnt true #i have a place with the ferals even with my illness its my wounded ego causing issue. just cause the rfc coach was passively a dick #doesnt mean i need to pass up a wonderful opportunity for play time and friendship. ill have a chance to play with the guys #in time and ill have time to socialize with them as well in time #but i shouldn't squander an opportunity just because im wounded and bitter because of old traumas #besides more time to get fundamentals ironed out #so im ignoring my doctor somewhat and km gonna start practicing this week #lightly. just light stuff you know. cardio and working with the ball maybe since i shouldn't be on the heavy bag yet #and then next week ill buy my practice set and customize it as a Bribe to myself

[mackmp3]

just saw a post saying 'if these are on her bookshelf, run' and it had this is how you lose the time war and the starless sea on it??? and like gideon the ninth??? which i still havent read rahhh but like these are not femcel books whatare you talkingggg abouttttttttttt the starless sea is really lovely???? this is how you lose the time war is dark and complex but like????? and it had the secret history on it too and i havent read that either but its a very popular book. the only people who are toxic about that book are the people who romanticise it and i'm pretty sure thats missing the point of that book idk. lots of people like that book who dont think working yourself into a delirium is hashtag aesthetic or liking fiction murder makes you edgy. and if you've missed the point of the secret history surely theres no way you got anything out of the starless sea that book has LAYERS. i dont know man

#i think i need to reread the starless sea and annotate it this time #i love that book so so much i need to draw them as well #ajhskajnhsa if only i could draw well w/out a reference hehe #the starless sea #and like okay there was some messed up stuff in this is how you lose the time war but nothing that wouldn't be out of place in a tumblr pos #if you know what i mean #like there was toxic yuri (literally) dramatic metaphors secret love etc #plant woman vs. artificial intelligance woman but they're in love #like it was pretty damn intense but it wasnt like. full of Problems #idk

[hussyknee]

Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.

Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.

This is all to say— if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.

#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass #isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually #''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo #i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation #like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved #if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance #i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or #but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever #also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex #they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered #or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon #you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support #this shouldn't be new or revolutionary #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #ableism #disability #healthism #child abuse #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #intimate partner violence #parental abuse #chronic illness #spoonie #knee of huss #mental illness #autoimmune disease #social justice #psychosomatic

[esterigermaine]

Theory:

Honestly, I think the tadpole paired with extreme cranial trauma may have actually benefited durge in the initial aftermath of their injury.

#durge #dark urge #baldurs gate 3 #namely because the skull is a very very enclosed space #so the tadpole munching and cranial trauma likely gave the brain room to swell in the time right after their injury without killing them #i like to think the tadpole munched on the damaged bits that likely wouldn't regain function during the first week with kressa for my durge #like maggots eating dead flesh from a wound except a brain parasite #granted they probably ended up being durable as hell thanks to who their father is/what they are #in fact I'm pretty sure at least 70% of their survival os because of their dad #but the questions that come up because of omeluum's dialogue are certainly fun to consider #because a cranium so damaged is no longer the rigid protector it should be and instead lets things swell and/or be out of shape if needed #and with an injury this massive yall can't tell me there wasnt any swelling

[pretty-ichor]

i feel like i should be over it by now but im not

#ive been learning so much about other autistic peoples experiences with burnout #im always angry that my pain wasnt unavoidable #if i got my needed accommodations it wouldn't have been this bad #and it was all for nothing anyway #bc now i just can barely function #im exhausted all the time #i dont have the energy to keep friendships alive #im STILL unemployed #i cant handle ANYTHING

[astro-inthestars]

.....

Mm.

#rennikorambles #/neg ... sigh #no she didnt reject me #no i didnt mess up #no ididnt even CHICKEN OUT. #i had everything i had my courage i had my words i had my loose plan ready i was ready. #i wasnt gonna chicken out. and the worse that could happen i knew was that she wasnt ready. #i had high hopes. youve seen a glimpse of the hype havent you guys? #but of course. the one . ONE thing that could ruin everything. isnt me. isnt laurel. but the world it-fucking-self. #the auditions were canceled and we didnt know. our teacher told our class prez but he didnt tell us. or the very least laurel #didnt send it in any gcs and everything. and im not even upset about the auditions ofc im not. sure i care about it but #it could all move to a year later and i wouldn't care . or well i would of course but just.. #but the fact that i had all this hope for this one moment for this one CHANCE and it all goes down the fucking drain #her friend (and by extension mine) lets call her Brash Girl which you can expect how she is. was literally just caught up in the whole thing #and of course with her stuck with us i couldnt do anything. #dragged me to 7-11 to mope about our teacher who canceled the auditions and. #.... yeah. no shot. nothing. laurel asked her mom to pick her up. i watch her leave. i leave. the end. #after all that effort. all that dreaming. all that hoping nothing. #i know it's not the end of the world. i know i'll get another chance. but god does it fucking suck. #im exhausted and disappointed and tired and i. i dont know. #i need a breather.

[flyingspicerack]

*peeks out from the rock i was hiding under* ... hi

#spice.txt #sorry ... i didnt intend for this to happen #i just uh ... i spiraled again and i needed to go and stay away from everyone for a while #doing that aggie when i wasnt 100% mentally ready to do one was a bad idea #im glad everyone else had fun tho #my feelings got hurt by several people but its prob bc im too sensitive and stuff and im sorry if i made anyone worry with my abrupt leave #both like from the aggie AND from tumblr for this past week ... but im also sorry to assume that anyone DID worry #i dont want to seem entitled to think anyone actually did miss me bc i wouldn't blame you lol #anyway... sorry again... ill be slowly coming back i hope #things are still a little touch and go ... im just struggling with my own self image and self worth when it comes to my place here #as in ososan tumblr... i just feel underappreciated but at the same time i dont think im worth appreciating so im having a lot of inner #like .... turmoil #feeling stupid and stuff... im working on it #spice.vent #sorry if u chose to read this

[seaquestions]

god listening to linkin park really is like a direct injection of catharsis into my body.

#incoherent turtle noises #wasnt even needing it tonight i was literally just listening to nsync a while ago but decided to listen to leave out all the rest #for nostalgia. thinking oh its been a while i wouldn't cry listening to it now. WRONG. that song Really Does makes me cry every single time #now im just listening to all the hits and god it still gets to me

[kittlyns]

I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day

#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute #so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back. #pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few. #over and over and over. #and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick. #and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much #but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment. #which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow? #even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it #she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan #I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!! #no response. deep inhale. alright. #whatever tho. #when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning #and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area. #and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell #like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color. #I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH??? #and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine. #there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him #and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times. #there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously. #I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out #was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do. #got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night. #put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over #blahhhhhh #and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

[bonestrouslingbones]

goddammit all that LV worldbuilding has lead me to creating a scene in my head that now has me wondering if i have to put a plot-important sex scene in what will be a main-storyline arc instead of a fade to black or disconnected easily-skippable oneshot

#theres a point where the guy HAS to get some energy out and the bf is RIGHT THERE ........................... #sigh. a bit ago i made a lil agreement with myself that actual sex stuff wouldn't really be in the main plot outside of allusions #and that anything Real would stay in epilogue fics & oneshots #but now im like. man. there is something here that i can use!!!! but its like im still in the mindset of writing as a young teen!!!! #too scared to make other ppl uncomfortable with MY OWN DAMN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WHEN will my brain catch up that other people finding selfcest weird is a skill issue on THEIR part fucks SAKE!!!!!!!! #laying facedown on the ground . as if thats not the entire reason i made this blog in the first place 😔 #every time i go on atbb and the pinned rules reminds me of a time that is not necessary anymore #im GROWN NOW !!!! I NEED NOT RESTRICT MYSELF ANY LONGER #but my AUDIENCE.................. #ppl said it was refreshing that i had selfcest where everything wasnt about sex and obv it still wont be but that is IN MY BRAIN FOREVER #AUUYHGHGHGHGH SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THIS 14 YEAR OLD OUT OF MY HEAD SO EDGE CAN FINALLY GET DICKED DOWN COME ONNNNNN

[https-dandelion]

i rewatched captain america the first avenger and all of a sudden i am a child/tween/13 year old obsessed with marvel again. i miss the old mcu so much it aches my heart and i didn't realise i could feel this way about movies but those movies raised me

#i wouldn't be the person i am today if my family hadn't gone to see every new mcu movie in theatres as a kid #i was scrolling through my mcu posts from 2020/2021 too #from when all the shows (wv/tfatws/loki/ms marvel) were happening #that wasnt too bad of an era either #but i want the feelings the old mcu gave me back #i also want bucky barnes to be happy again (thank god for tfatws show it changed my life i need to rewatch it) #i want steve rogers back he was my favourite avenger as a kid how could they just get rid of him like that. all it took them was 10 seconds #and they decimated his character development AND peggy's arc (ik its been 5 years i'm still mad as hell) #i wish everyone hadn't forgotten peter. im not the biggest mcu peter fan just for the writing and storylines hes given but the boy #he deserves better #ok this is getting long i guess #mcu #tia.txt