#Im excited but cant be as much as i did like

[imwetforyourmom]

not her

warnings: swearing, jealousy, crying, comparison, not proofread

a/n: yall seem like super excited about this series and im all for it tf

a/n 2: if ts is lowk sad, thats my fault, it was an accident I was listening to partially sad music and rlly got into it

PREVIOUS CHAPTER ~~~ NEXT CHAPTER

~

over the past few days, matt and amelias friendship had gotten closer, while y/n and matts was no less than just the title of ‘dating’. they didnt hang out, they didnt talk much and they didnt go on dates. but when y/n did ask matt to do anything, it was always ‘cant. im with amelia’ or ‘cant. ill be with amelia then’. it was always amelia this, amelia that. but never ‘sure baby! i totally want to hangout with my girlfriend’

y/n was fucking over it. she wanted to talk with matt about this all. she wasnt fucking gonna deal with het own boyfriend not acting like her boyfriend.

so, thats where she found herself, standing behind matt where he sat with amelia next to him. it was very obvious was she was being more than friendly to him, her hand was caressing his arm and her eyes were staring deeply into his. y/n bit her lip, fighting back the urge to bitch slap amelia.

y/n ran her hands through matts hair, annoucing her presence. matt flinched at the sudden touch, whipping his head around to look at who had just touched his hair. his eyes softening and a small smile creeping onto his lips when he saw who it was.

“matt? can we talk please?” y/n asked, her eyes studying matts features, god how she missed being this close to him, to be able to admire him.

matt turned his head to look at amelia, before looking back at y/n, “im talking with amelia, maybe later?” he asked. remorse present in his voice.

y/n moved her hand away from him and took a step back from them, refusing to look at amelia, as her eyes glossed over and a lump in her throat grew. breathing grew harder and she knew talking wouldnt be any easier.

“y- yeah. thats fine.” she mumbled, her voice breaking, she took a breath in. and began walking away, but not before saying a quick “I love you” to him out of instinct. she took slower steps away, expecting one back, she wanted to hear him say he loved her too.

but when she didnt hear one back and only heard him resume talking to amelia, her eyes immediately lost all control over the tears in her eyes, the hot tears running down her cheeks faster than she could comprehend. she held her breath, trying to make no sound obvious to the sobs she wanted to let out. but she couldnt let matt know how upset she was about this, and she certainly didnt want amelia feeling the satisfaction of making her cry.

y/n moved quickly, leaving the library where that entire interaction went down and pushed past the doors of the school, walking quick to her car.

she opened the door and sat inside, closing it the door and immediately breaking down, her sobs being loud, her tears being fast as they poured down her cheeks and her breathing incredibly hard.

she couldnt fucking believe it, her own boyfriend chose some other girl over her.

the boy she used to kiss goodnight and sleep in his arms every weekend, the boy she used to be able to come to and expect not to be lonely, the boy she knew she could come to when she was upset or when she just wanted company. but now she wasnt sure if she could, matt only wanted to be with amelia and not y/n.

does he understand how much he meant means to y/n? hes the reason shes not lonely, he was the reason she was able to fall asleep so peacefully at night, he was the reason she was happy everyday, so content with life and now she couldnt have that anymore because of that stupid fucking girl. stupid fucking bitch named amelia.

she took him away from her and she didnt know what to do. its obvious matt wasnt interested in y/n and was only interested in amelia and what she wanted to say or do, not the girl he dedicated his life to, not the girl he told ‘im yours’, not the girl he used to say ‘I love you’ to every time he possibly could.

y/n just wasnt her, not amelia, not what matt wanted, she didnt have beautiful green eyes like amelia did, she didnt have that lovely orange color of hair amelia did, she didnt have naturally beautiful freckles covering her skin like amelia did. amelia was her, and y/n wasnt.

y/n only cried harder, pulling her knees to her chest and hiding her face in her knees, sobs escaping her throat. being so gutural, it scratched her throat with each sound leaving her lips. but that didnt compare with the aching pain she felt in her chest, the lump in her throat being so big she could barely breathe.

what matt had dismissed earlier so easily wasnt so easy to handle with for y/n. all she wanted was matt to be her boyfriend and act like it.

she wanted to dial his number and call him, but she couldnt run to him like she always did. he wasnt going to be there for her like he always was, but he was going to be there for amelia.

a pit in her stomach formed with the overgrowing urge to run to matt, her body so familar with always going to matt, being so familar with his hands rubbing her back as sweet words left his lips, his voice lulling her to the warm hug of being okay. but she couldnt have him, she couldnt have the same comforting feeling he brought her.

she wanted him, she needed him but he wasnt within her arms reach anymore and she felt sick. sick with words she wanted to tell him. sick with the need of feeling matts touch. sick to her stomach with just wanting matt in her prescense, he wouldnt even have to do anything. she just wanted him with her with the gentle reminder he wanted her too and in the same room, but instead he was talking with another girl, giving his attention to another girl.

‘another girl, another girl’ was all y/n heard, her thoughts screaming into her ears.

1107 words.

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @genshin-addict @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @dollyspsychoxo @sturnib-tch @b2cute @livvy4realll @graysturns @wh0resstuff @jnkvivi @mattsmad @sturn-bugz @sleepysturnss @xbabyd0lli3x @norr1ssturni0lo @nayveetbhh @jamiesturniolo

#sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nicolas sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo

[psiirockin]

do you have any advice for opening commissions? i feel like you have them very professionally set up, and i have pretty bad social anxiety, so it might be helpful to hear tips for communicating with customers and such, or setting up a fair tos!

hi so, maybe i do have some advice!!! <33 thank you so so much for the kindness & seeing me as professional lol i’ve been doing comms for 2-3 years and i must say.. still getting the hang of a lot of things. you go through a lot of trial + error trying to figure out what works best for you, so remember theres no truly right way to go about comms! they should all fit the needs, pace, and benefit of you and your work ethic!

what i did personally is start off at some lower prices just to test the waters and get the ball rolling. i priced rendered characters at i think, $24 per character? possibly lower, i cant quite remember. and then i gradually went up as i started to progress in my art style more + had more people coming in.

with customers, i have a lot of anxiety as well! im autistic, so i never like making a customer feel like i dont truly care abt the commission by accidentally sounding too flat or anything. i tend to RLLY overthink it lol so we make sure we are extra talkative + kind about their comm! giving them compliments on the character, showing genuine excitement so they know theyre in good hands! (we love engaging esp when the customer seems VERY excited or enthusiastic abt the commission!)

a lot of irl turmoil tends to happen in our life which can make a comm delayed sometimes. could be severe mental health problems, just being busy w/ shit in general. its important to just keep your customers up to date, especially if its going to take a realllyyy long time or the customer likes frequent updates.

i used to be able to get shit done in like a night. but, with an actual line up/queue of comm work we progressively started taking longer and longer esp as we transitioned from a teenager starting out and into a busy adult with persistent mental health issues. (plus our art becomes more complex as time goes on, so that has to be taken into account) tbhs, depending on your availability and how much effort goes into your work, and as the demand grows, you need to charge accordingly and just be honest with your clientele.

as for TOS do what makes you comfortable! make your limits known and put your foot down when a request or any topic makes you uncomfortable. dont let your customers get inappropriate with you or try to make you feel bad if they dont wanna pay for what they ask for, etc. i also recommend requesting payment after sketch/half and half when starting out just so you can get some experience under your belt + assure future clients that youre professional n wont scam them! (if you plan on switching to payment upfront in the future)

just remember that u are not a machine, you are a human being making art for someone else. putting love n effort into your craft, time and effort. take your time getting the hang of comm stuff, things dont have to be perfect in your setup at first.

#asks #asks open #commissions

[camryntheking]

Season 3 analysis

Here is my promised season 3 analysis lol. Please let me indulge in my brain rot

So there were already things that i was noticing, but now we have more context from interviews and it is just making things make more sense tbh. So i wanna share my thoughts. Please feel free to chat with me or others! Im curious to hear other people’s thoughts!

The whole tsunami and lawsuit was so painful to sit through. I already knew the outcomes, but just seeing the pain on their faces was so painful for me. But Buck is Chris’ second dad. No one can tell me otherwise. He took him to the pier and played games with him and Chris missed him so much during the lawsuit. And Eddie was (rightfully) offended that Buck wasnt there to help when they needed it. They are a family unit and it is so pure

Also. “You wanna go for the title?” Buddy. That was so not straight. Nothing about that scene was straight

And in 3x12. When Chim and Maddie have Buck and Josh over for Poker. And Josh makes the joke about Maddie trying to set him up with Buck. And Buck just does that cute little glance away thing. He was not offended at all and even seemed a little flattered. Which, especially given what Oliver has said recently, could easily have been Oliver just playing into Bi Buck a little bit. (Not to mention that Chim’s comment about Siri was absolutely hilarious. I love that man)

And then in 3x15, Eddie Begins, my boy Buck literally tries digging for Eddie with his hands. I dont have to say much about this episode cos its already been picked apart by so many people, but yeah. Just thought id mention it at least

I also just wanted to point out that in 3x18, which is the train derailment, Eddie seemed so disgusted that Abby was involved and i honestly found it so endearing and hilarious. He wasnt there when Abby and Buck were together, so he only knows the stories, but he is so mad at her for what she did (which. Valid. Cos it was awful). He was so offended for Buck and i just think that it was sweet cos it shows how much he cares

And then given some recent interviews, we know that a queer storyline for Buck was presented before and i dont think they said an exact timeline for that, but i feel like it could have been in season 3, considering some things i pointed out above

Really the point of this was to point out that Buck has always been a lil fruity and that his relationship with Eddie is just so amazing. I love them ❤️ I cant wait to see how they progress (and the wedding. Im so excited for the Madney wedding)

#911 abc #bi buck #buddie #evan buckley #911 cast #911 show #9 1 1 abc #911 on abc #buddie 911 #eddie diaz #chimney han #howie han #howard han #maddie buckley #madney #josh russo #tv: 911 #911 series #911 spoilers #911 s3 #wanna go for the title #thats just so gay #i dont make the rules #chris diaz #christopher diaz #abby clark

[todayisafridaynight]

cant believe i forgot to scream and cry about this with everyone when i first saw it

#snap chats #//opens wallet and flies fly out// ITS NOT FAAAAIR #I /DO/ NEED TWO ICHIBAN STATUES AND I /DO/ NEED ONE OF THEM TO BE SHIRTLESS #I NEED TO SHOW OFF HIS TAT ITS SICKO #UGH i love how they made sure he had color to his skin .. ill never forgive them for the plush ... #im so excited for that other statue tho .... AND the ichi watch ... #wow guys i really like ichiban did you know that :)) #i still think its so funny how much i love ichiban. like i aint ever love a protagonist like him #i love him as much as i love rgg's side characters and if you know me we know i only ever love side characters #he's special ... EEEE IM THINKING OF THE WATCH AGAIN I CANT WAIT TO NEVER TAKE IT OFF

[rapidhighway]

hey i might be controversial but im not really feeling the 12th doctor so far

#idkk idk what to thinkkk #i finished s8 today #im just nottt feeling ittt #i just think i might hate how moffat writes no matter what it is fdvxcdfdfv #i actually don't know WHAT is wrong because it's like... things i SHOULD be enjoying but im not it feels like its bad #idk idkkkk #i just feel there's something lacking and i felt the exact same way through the entire 11th doctor era #its just even worse now because i guess im tired #like im so desperate to enjoy this doctor like i did 9 and 10 and i just cant?? cant enjoy the companions and side characters as much eithe #idk man :( #i need to watch some older dw stuff and see if im idealizing the old episodes lmao #because i really want to have a fair opinion of this showww #heeeelpp ToT #i think i just dont like the writing? but i dont know enough about writing to actually say what's wrong #theres just something wrong #ouough #i still hold so much hope everyones always so excited about 12 and i was very excited and its just not ittt #ough ok byeeee #ok wait #like i think his personality is fine and stuff is fine it's just.. the stories? the way they present them? i dont knowwww #i just dont really like moffats dw i gues... #SAD

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[kithj]

my 2023 year in review:

published the most recent update for tnp in january

started work on hh originally in twine back in march

wrote and published one day hike in april

wrote and published faith in june for neo-twiny jam

refined hh as a novel instead and wrote the first draft between may-august

wrote and published siren's call in september

also started working on blood choke in may and published the prologue & ch1-2 in july, then ch3 in november

i started a few things that i haven't finished but will hopefully finish this year... bleeding heart will definitely be published within the next month for vampjamp.

i guess my hopes for this year will be:

finish bleeding heart in time for vampjamp (this will definitely happen)

finish the blackwater route for tnp and finally move on to ch3

ch4 of blood choke

workshop hell or highwater & decide what direction i want to take it in

start second draft of hh

#i did write a lot this year i guess. lol #just not for any of the projects i should have (tnp) #i cant really say im that proud of anything that i published tho #one day hike was cathartic and felt like the best thing i'd ever written at the time #but really i think it's just cus i actually finished something for once lmfao #i havent reread it and probably won't #i rushed siren's call and also havent reread it since september #i do like what ive done with blood choke. but im disappointed how much i dropped productivity on it after november #tnp took me at least 2 yrs before i started writing this slow #its frustrating how fast it happened with blood choke... #and even more frustrating bc im so excited for what i have planned. i want to be more proud of it #oh well. the time will pass anyways as they say #i really wish i had an office or desk to write at. i feel like i would be so much more motivated & productive #and also if i didnt work my shitty soul-sucking retail job but. lol

[arrowpunk]

One of these days I will figure out the secret to turning my brain off to go to sleep when it is in Project Mode and then it's Over for you fools

#ramblings of an arrow #I will be so powerful #as it stands currently I cant sleep because all I can do is think about Trap Troubles #and how damn excited I am to thumbnail this comic #and how much I want to be doing it Right Now #planning panel layouts in my head #is not conducive to actually sleeping #but anyways all of the characters are like blorbos to me #and I cant stop turning them around in my head #and trying to plan visual foreshadowing #soooooo full of project thoughts and excitement do not know how to fix it #perhaps I will post the character line up I did sometime tomorrow #anyways if I can keep this excitement and momentum up for the rest of the month that bodes Very Well for my ability #to eventually pursue something art related for a living #or produce my own webcomic #its also just EXTRA FUN because its a collaboration with my wife and she is SUCH a fantastic writer #she really carries the whole thing #and it helps me be less self conscious because im not worried about whether or not the writing is good #I KNOW the writing is good #and I know my art will be Good Enough #because a myriad of art mistakes can be forgiven when the writing is good #takes a lot of pressure off my brain lol

[niishi]

Sensory issues that make me not want my hair to touch my neck/ears

vs.

chronic migraine disorder that can be triggered by wearing my hair up for too long or wearing anything on my head at all

vs.

ppl telling me they like me more with long hair&making me feel insecure about having short hair

#im gonna kms #its an every day issue #i dont have this problem when i have short hair #but i HATE feeling judged i get so hyperfocused on it and it makes me so sad and i cant cope w it tbh #its something i work tirelessly to change by trying to be mindful and not give a fuck but #its HARD #so many ppl express how much they like my long hair better and I just wish they'd keep it to themselves #bc now im like rlly insecure about having short hair again #idk.... i remember back in the day when i was working at the smoke shop and had short hair #there were a bunch of girls who would express how good it looked and how theyve always wanted short hair but #their face was too fat or it wouldnt look good on them #and i would encourage them and tell them if its what you want and it would make you happy then it will always suit you and look good #no one in this world has a “face” for short hair #all of our faces suit whatever hair we want for ourselves #but pol have this opinion based off of society constructed beauty standards #and will just outright way or imply #that you look better following those standards #i think ppl should find happiness and self confidence more attractive than adherence to beauty standards #i successfully convinced one of my coworkers and an old and younger customer to cut their hair short #and they were so bright and excited to show me after they did it #and i hyped them up to hell and back like it made me emotional bc it takes courage to embrace your happiness #despite others judgements #im just #not as brave anymore #im rlly tired tbh #anyways srry im just emotional bc my head hurts and im overstimulated from my hair touching my neck jshfjekduriwj

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[astro-inthestars]

YOOOOOOO WE FUCKIN DID IT!!!! YEAHHH!! We slayed SOOO well!! EVERYONE DID!! The other sections were SO FUCKING GOOD i LOVED it!!! And like, we won first place or whatever i didnt care about that really BUT WE ALL DID GREAT!

Anyways, just got home from my pal's birthday party (more like Hang Out at the mall, we ate out) it was AWESOME! First time inside a Starbucks, and first order ALL ON MY OWN! (HELL YEAH RELIGIOUS REBELLION!!)

#rennikorambles #i dont actually KNOW if its rebellion since. i ordered java chip frappucino... and i dunno if that has coffee or anythin- #BUT EITHER WAY im so glad my first time inside a starbucks is with friends <333 #i lost ALL my money <33333 #worth it #i was SO jumpy and excited the whole damn time. just shows how hyped i am around my friends <3 i love those idiots so much #after eating at pizza hut we went to an arcade and I got TWO keychain plushies from the claw machines (SLAY) #one of them i gave as a bday gift to my pal LMAO the other i kept <33 a little wolfy!!! #and then after that they went to starbucks and YEAHHH it was so fun #and then we went to the department store and immediately went to the toy section (which includes games like video games on the ps4/5 etc) #those idiots got One Piece playing cards. nerdddss <33 (me staring longingly at Persona 5 Royal on PS4 for a discounted price. help) #(I CANT GET IT IM NOT A GAMER IM BAD AT GAMES AND AND) #anyways #as for the musical MAN im just so proud. in my opinion the other's did WAY better than our section in terms of song and choreography #but the only one-up we had on them was the fact ours flowed so smoothly with nearly no mistakes #they kept having long pauses when transitioning to the next scene‚ whilst we specifically focused and practiced smooth transitions #thats probably why we had less time for dance choreo and stuff... but either way!!! just SO proud it made my theater heart so happy #and! i learned something about the actual story of El Fili! mAN ITS SO TRAGIC WTF MAN.... MANNNNNN. BRUH... #anyway <333 ALIVE NOW!!! FREE!!!

[tragedyuri]

.

#brie speaks #im doing so badly actually!!!!!!!! and idek why!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i cant text anyone back outside of work #i freaked out over my sg trip in march on sunday #and im not even excited about the trip anymore bc im really trying to tune out how much i dont like taylor but i already spent the money #i just saw my best friend on saturday and the outfit i planned is complete but i feel so hollow inside!!!!!!!! #i just burst into tears halfway through this and i still dont know why #i only stopped crying bc it was making my headache worse #i wanna take tomorrow off but we’re doing team bonding stuff and i dont wanna miss it dkgmsbjfh #and it’s a public holiday on thursday so i’ll just wait it out #did this happen when i was working on xmas stuff too bc if so then it’s just work lol

[todayisafridaynight]

At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in

i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment

#infinite wealth spoilers #snap chats #what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO #i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed #i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was #like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting #esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english #typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others #im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily #it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO #maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in #like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok #thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE #POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time #but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter #like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts) #its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0.. #BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time #i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game #and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that #if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point

[hella1975]

still thinking about the fact there's a girl in my main group of econ mates that i'll call C and i used to be really close with her in first year. like i spent a lot of time with her she drove me everywhere we met up outside of uni etc. except there was a boy in that main group too and the dynamic was basically that me and my other mate met first and THEN we started hanging out with C and this boy, so we each had our Person before forming one bigger group, if that makes sense? and i got on pretty well with the boy bc he happened to be bi so we instantly clicked over that and i could tell he latched onto me quite a bit bc there aren't really many other queer people in our circle and ESPECIALLY not at the start of uni. when i tell you C was so pissed off about the fact me and him got on better than her and him that our friendship STILL isn't as close now bc she couldn't get over me 'stealing' her cute little GBF accessory. and i didnt even do anything like i couldn't have given less of a shit who this lad hung out with. and she WONDERS why he picked the bi girl over her weird ass

#i still get so annoyed about this bc i literally DIDNT DO ANYTHING #like i was such an inactive participant of her weird obsession with him #bc i actually know how to treat queer men normally and he was just Some Guy to me like he wasn't all that i literally did not give a fuck #and he dropped out in the end (how does it feel to live MY DREAM he abandoned me to the econ straighties) #but the way it STILL gets brought up like my other econ mate #- the one im really close with and is most likely the one im talking about in any posts i make about 'my course friend' - has regularly #in response to me pointing out that me and C aren't nearly as close as we were initially/C very obviously favours her over me #just said 'oh it's bc she thinks you stole [boy's name] off her' like HELLO??? #like it's been a YEAR and it's still so prominent that we're STILL TALKING ABOUT IT #he was a FRESHER FRIEND for her like i cannot stress how fickle those friendships are #and he happened to feel more comfortable with me probably bc of this exact kind of shit from her #like she was sooooo exciteable about him being bi but she also got VISIBLY uncomfortable if i talked about being queer #odd girl. cant say i think im missing out much but it's still frustrating to know an entire friendship got fucked over for me #for something i literally had no part in. like i was literally just sitting there while she was weird about things #hella goes to uni

[lynxalon]

HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT THAT CRITROLE EP WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! im SO glad we had the set up of the last one so we could have the big thrills of this!!!!!!!!! this had everything!! it had ira's bad (and good!) decisions! it had sam's out of pocket wacky can shenanigans!! it had deception and sneaking! it had badass plays and some.. eye-catching talents 👀 it had gross shit that's kinda actually sad if u think about it! it had walking (running) away from explosions (NOT a sunglasses moment this was a loserfail) it had .. terrifying parents. it had imodna momence !! :D it even had some unprecedented wins for our typically fighty/flighty adventurers!!! i will ABSOLUTELY be watching that again come monday!!!!!!!!!!

#lynx speaks #cr spoilers #now to expand upon these!!! i am THRILLED that there has been a more overt notice of orym's hex 😏 #thats what i've been excited for for aaaaaaages i adore orym esp when he gets a little more fucked up #what can i say im a bit of an angst fan myself :D #fcg gave ira SUCH a bad time tho like CMON BBYYYYY 1 MINUTE ?!?!?!?!?!! yall r LUCKY yalls r cool af #also tho.... ira actually saving fearne like 👀 i see it!!! i think simply everyone likes fearne and everyone would save her 😎 #and team infiltrate i loooved imogen's use of that damn .. what was it called ? the damn static bomb that was sick as hell!!! #and hey!! both teams got in and out without anyone catching on that it was bells hells helping! #is that a first for bh? cause it sure feels like it TBH like the feywild malleus key stunt did NAWT go this smoothly #even with the bumps they had they did terrific frfr #esp with imogen setting up oryms badass fighter play and launda and chet setting each other up for success #and it does FEEL like imogen is more powerful on ruidus just from the plays she makes like the static spell and how it set Everyone up #to protect them all and keep their enemies in bad positions so that bh had good positions #they barely got hits and orym and chet took the brunt of it #they got out everoa and themselves without too much hassle and i'd say team mcfuckin 'splosion did pretty fucken well too #more damage on their side but. thatssss not their fault thats mainly on ira (and fcg 😂) #gosh. goshhh. what a good fucking episode. and sorrowlord zathuda. and liliana. fuck bro. #zathuda is SCARY #and liliana i meaaaaaaan. hun what did u THINK 🧐 imogen meant when she told u to run?? 🤔 'did she know' u know the answer to that. #i was definitely excited cause. we knew the volition were gonna fail in killing liliana. but i felt in my heart that she was gonna #feel betrayed by imogen. despite creating the scenario in which imogen must 'betray' her. #i LOVE fucked up mothers cant waaaaait to see what happens next !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation? #uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄 #unrelated