#It's been a hell of a month don't get me wrong
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And They Were Roommates
Ren: ...You've been sighing a lot, Jaune. Is something wrong?
Jaune: It's nothing, I guess... But Nora and I are roommates, and...
Ren: Oh! Congratulations. I'm sure you two will be very happy together.
Jaune: What?! Nonononononono! We're just roommates! But... I've been having trouble finding anyone worth going past a first date. Like about a month ago...
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About a month ago...
Jaune: Nora! Can you get the door?
Nora: (Opens door)
Girl: Huh? Is Jaune in there? I'm his date and... Why is there another girl here?
Nora: I live here, too.
Girl: Okay? That's weird. Actually, since it's just us girls, let me tell you that no girls are allowed any man I'm with, got that? I'll be sure to fix that once he's mine.
Nora: IF JAUNE WON'T PUT YOU IN THE GROUND, I FUCKING WILL.
Girl: Ah... Uh... O-Okay?
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A couple weeks ago...
Nora: (Opens the door)
Gal: Hi~! Is my new sugar daddy Arc in here~?!
Nora: WHAT?!
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A couple days ago...
Nora: (Opens door) WHAT?!
Lady: Omigosh~! You're Nora Valkyrie, aren't you? I am SUCH a huge fan of yours! In fact, I only agreed to go out with Jaune because I knew he was living with you~!
Nora: ...
BOOM!
Jaune: Nora?! What the hell was that?!
Nora: (Storms by, Dragging Magnhild) JAUNE-JAUNE, YOU HAVE SHITTY TASTE IN WOMEN! STOP BEING SO DUMB!
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Jaune: And every time I go out with them, they're all terrible people! And Nora is always getting so mad about! I just... I don't understand why!
Ren: Hm... I wonder why...
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A couple hours later...
Nora: Jaune? You okay?
Jaune: (Sighs) No, Nora. I'm not. I'm gonna die alone because I have terrible taste in women.
Nora: ...Do you wanna watch a movie and eat some dinosaur chicken nuggies?
Jaune: ...Yeah. I'd like that.
Nora: You get the movie. I get everything else~!
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— 1D Monthly Fic Roundup —
Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for April 2024! Below you’ll find 1D fics that were all published this month. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup. You can find all our other posts here.
Happy reading!
＊ and so I have to say (before I go) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed [M, 27k, Harry/Louis]
Sometimes falling in love is taking a leap of faith, jumping into the unknown with your eyes closed, hoping someone will be there to catch you.
Sometimes falling in love is seeing the person in front of you, all their flaws and imperfections, and taking that leap nonetheless.
Sometimes it's both.
In Louis' and Harry's case, it's both.
＊ Pathema Proteleia by @persephoneflouwers [M, 53k, Louis/Harry]
A few years ago, Omega Prince Harry left his husband and mate Alpha Louis without any apparent reason. When enemies of the Royalty make an attempt on his life and threaten to hurt Omegas, Louis has to ask the Prince for help.
Or The Greek Tragedy AU (but with the happiest ending).
＊ I Want You Here With Me (Like How I Pictured It) by @enchantedlandcoffee [G, 345 words, Harry/Louis]
"I just- Everyone was there and- and they were all happy and in love and I just- I needed to get out of there, Lou." Harry sniffled, wrapping his coat closer to himself as he trudged down the street. "It's not fair. It's not fair that they all get to be happy and in love and have their partners with them when I can't be with you."
OR The one where Harry misses Louis
＊ A Frail Farewell by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings [M, 11k+, wip, Louis/Harry]
Louis can’t believe his luck when he is offered one of the easiest jobs he has had as a long-term house-sitter for the wealthy. He loves the money, and the peace and quiet of the empty mansions he looks after. Most of all he likes that there are no surprises until he gets the shock of his life from ex-pop star Harry Styles who isn’t supposed to be home.
＊ tell me what the hell we're feeling (if you don't do feelings) by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove [M, 4k, Harry/Louis]
Harry is getting over a breakup. Louis doesn't date. Neither of them is interested in a relationship -- but they are interested in each other's bodies. It takes a global pandemic for them to admit that maybe there's more than just lust between them.
＊ April Drools! by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright [E, 1k, Louis centric ot 5 pairings]
Louis offers a particularly slobbery blow job to his clients who'd rather not be made a fool of on April 1st. Of course, he's got an option for those who don't mind being a little humiliated as well. Part 12 of Glory Hole-idays
＊ I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) by @lululawrence [NR, 74k, Louis/Harry]
“Louis,” Harry breathed happily. His smile widened as he realized he’d finally found him, and he was stood before his soulstar. This was the closest they’d been in 31 Earth years, which had felt extraordinarily long for Harry, even in his star form. He could hardly withhold his happiness at seeing him again.
“Erm, yeah,” Louis said, interrupting Harry’s thoughts with his brows furrowing and looking clearly suspicious. “And you are?”
Harry and Louis are literal stars who have known they were soulmates from their creation eons ago, however when Louis came to Earth to start the next phase of their fated future, he forgot everything. Even Harry.
This leaves Harry to break the rules and instead of waiting for Louis to call him and join him on Earth, he crashes down on his own. Without Louis there to guide him and help him learn how to adjust to having a human body and everything associated with that, Harry has no other choice but to do the best he can.
As Harry tries to correct what has gone wrong, he finds that friendship can be a light even in the darkest night, and through those bonds even separated soulstars can find their fated path once more.
＊ Love Like This by @reminiscingintherain [E, 32k, Zayn/Louis/Liam]
A Zouiam RWRB AU, featuring Louis as the First Son, Liam as the Prince, and Zayn as Liam's friend and equerry. With appearances from Lottie as Louis' helpful sister, Harry as his best friend, and Niall as Liam's golf instructor (or gardener? or something else?).
＊ Ghost of a Name by @signofcomfort [G, 35k, Louis/Harry]
Louis leaves the band in the middle of the tour and drops off the face of the earth. Five years later, they might have a chance to meet him. Harry can finally have some answers and tell the truth for the first time.
- Podfics -
＊ Finally, You and I (Collide) by @lululawrence read by @podfic-pals [NR, 14k, Zayn/Louis]
Funny how Louis could sum up everything he’d had with Zayn so easily.
Ex. One syllable, two letters. Fourteen years of friendship and marriage and everything else they had been to each other, put together and explained to anyone who asked with that one tiny word. Ex. Ex-Best Friend. Ex-Lover. Ex-Husband. Ex-everything, really. Zayn had truly become his everything, and Louis still ached in the spaces within that used to be filled by him, even all these years later.
Sometimes love was a bitch.
Or the five times Louis was accidentally wooed by cookies and the one time he was purposefully wooed by brownies.
#28th appreciation#hlcreators#hljournal#hltracks#1dficvillage#trackinghappily#trackinghome#tracksintheam#ficsfor4am#cristalreads
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Summary: Just a short little thing I wanted to write since my back is hurting again (which naturally means Roach's back is hurting again). This is technically a mini-sequel to Replacement, which I wrote a long while ago, but you don't have to read that to understand this! Enjoy!
"This is it," Roach groaned, feeling pain shoot up his spine as he shifted, "I'm done for. I love you both, split my items amicably. Make sure the worlds best son mug goes to Eddie, just to see Johnathan pout about it."
There was a small laugh from next to him, "You're not dying bug."
"Besides," Ghost chimed in from the other half of the room, "you wouldn't be dead for long, I'll drag your ass up from hell. No getting rid of me that easy." He didn't look up from his stack of paperwork.
"You would force me back i to a world of suffering and pain?!"
"You're being dramatic," Soap chimed. He took Roach's hand in his own, rubbing circles onto his skin with his thumb. "You've just thrown your back out again. Dr. Sanchez said you'll be fine in a day or two."
"My own boyfriend, doubting the depth of my suffering." Roach threw his head to the side dramatically, only to groan again as the movement jostled his back.
The heating pack he had on was helping a bit, but it couldn't erase all of the pain he was feeling. Not even the Tylenol could really help with that. It was just something his body would have to deal with and fix on its own. Just as it had caused the problem on its own.
On the bright side of things, Roach had the privilege of being doted on by his darling boyfriends for a few days. The two hadn't been willing to leave his side after his rather dramatic moment of his back trying to kill itself.
He'd just bent down to pick up his dropped keys, then the moment he'd started to rise back up and there had been a shooting burning pain down his spine. The pain continued on, flooding down through his legs until it felt like it was at the tips of his toes. His knees had given out then, and before he'd even had time to realize that for himself, both Soap and Ghost were at his side checking on him.
"Why do I have to have these issues?" Roach gave a whine, finally done with his dramatics. At least for the moment. "I'm not that old yet!"
Soap gave another laugh and moved into Roach's side, cuddling up to him with his head on his chest. "You know thats not why your back does this."
Roach gave a huff, "You get hit by a car one time and now you've got to deal with lifelong back problems." He shook his head, "Sick and fucking twisted."
Soap gave a small hum and Roach knew the man was likely agreeing with him. After all, Roach knew that Soap had his own issues and recurring pain with his shoulder. He remembered well enough the panic he'd felt when Soap had taken a bullet to the shoulder. Then the panic that came after that when months after healing Soap had a few days where even lifting the limb slightly would cause him pain.
Ghost didn't say anything, but Roach figured the man dealt with much of the same issues as them. He was certainly better at hiding it, but Roach always noticed when he was favoring one leg over the other or would give a wince under that mask because he'd stepped a bit wrong.
It was part of the job. Roach knew that, and he knew that they were all lucky to have only those slight problems, rather than lost limbs like Alex and Jackson, or worse like the many men he'd seen fall in battle before him.
He gave a final sigh, deciding that it would be more beneficial to just enjoy the warmth of his boyfriend next to him rather than complaining further. He needed to take the opportunity to relax anyway. And what an opportunity this was.
Bonus:
"So are you guys gonna blow my back out like you did the last time I was bedridden or what?"
#yes all the boys have some level of disability#because I say so#and also logic#just wait until i start taking my rage on workmans comp out here#gary roach sanderson#call of duty#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#ghostroach#soaproach#ghostroachsoap#soaproachghost
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tw stepfamily fantasy, age difference. Human AU.
I promise this is Dreamling, stay with me lol
When Time dies, Night is eager to find herself a strapping young husband. Enter Hob, who has heard that the widow Endless is filthy rich. Don't get him wrong, Night IS a beautiful woman, but it's the money he's after. He charms her easily enough, and in less than 6 months they're married and living together in her huge mansion... it's only then that Hob gets to know her kids.
He knew she had 7 of them, of course, but, well, this is a lot. The eldest two seem well-adjusted enough, sort of, but they're early 20's and out of the house already? The youngest boy ran away from home and no one bothered to look for him. Del and Despair aren't getting any mental health care they seem to badly need. And then there's Desire and Dream.
Desire is beautiful and charming and smart as a whip, but they change sexual partners more often than most people do underwear and they're only 16. They love their twin but are awful to their other siblings and downright cruel to Dream.
And Dream... he's a piece of work, yes. But he's pretty. Just as pretty as his sibling, if not more. He's got a bratty cruelty that echoes Desire's but could still be corrected by a firm hand... He mocks Hob mercilessly for his humble origins and because Hob married for money, and to Dream's heartless mother of all people! He's so closed off to affection, shouts at Hob even while bursting into tears when Hob tells him Hob could at least be a friend to him, since 34 is a bit young to be a father figure to a teen. But oh, Hob can tell: this boy is so, so lonely. Dream wishes someone would take him, even if only for money...
Desire, of course, immediately figures out that Hob isn't actually in love with Night and promply tries to seduce him. Hob gently rejects them, of course, but they try again. And again. And again. And... well. And it's hard. It's really hard to resist them. They're really really beautiful, of course, and they're so good at this... but Hob's one braincell that's still getting blood knows better than to fuck a 16-year-old with that huge a cruel streak. That's just asking for trouble. And besides, Hob likes a challenge. Desire is just... too easy.
Dream, however... what a little temptation he is. He's so reserved. He tries to focus on his art. He tries to pay Hob little mind, but can't help to listen and smile at Hob's tales. He's gotten his heart broken more times than anyone should have any right to at his age, and is just as depressed as Despair and only marginally better at hiding it... Now, that's a challenge. And such an easy target at the same time. Seducing him would be so fun! Hob can just imagine how outraged Dream would be at first... but Hob can be convincing, and Dream so badly needs someone to want him. And Hob is so horny, with Desire touching him all day, whispering filth in his ear, trying to sext him and send him nudes. You see, Night has a pretty low libido, too low if you ask Hob, and Hob's hand is a poor substitute for sex with another person.
Hob doesn't want Night to divorce him, of course, so he's wary of looking for sex outside the house, afraid to get caught if he's out too long with no explanation (he doesn't need to work now after all) and he wouldn't stoop so low as to take advantage of the house staff...
Isn't it so convenient that Dream just turned 18?
-PA
(reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated)
Oh fuck oh FUCK this is hot. AND HEY PA ANON I MISSED YOU <333
Hob feels like he's living inside a powder keg, honestly. He thought that marrying for money and living a life of luxury would be wonderful, but now he even longs for a job that would just get him out of the house. He's trapped in horny hell and he's sure that he's going to do something terrible and/or stupid. As a last ditch attempt, he sweetly suggests to Night that the two of them could take a little vacation - just the two of them, to the gorgeous little tropical vacation spot that the family owns. Death and Destiny can watch over the kids, and Night can have a well deserved break!
Alas, she just smiles and kisses Hob’s cheek. Unfortunately she's far too busy for a holiday right now. But she encourages Hob to go and soak up the sun - he's starting to look pale and stressed, and she can't have her toyboy husband looking under the weather. Her one request is that Hob should take Dream with him. She's noticed that Dream and Desire's fights have been getting more and more serious recently, and she's tired of the screaming matches. Some time apart will be beneficial for the siblings. And it will make Night's life a lot quieter.
Hob can't backtrack now, so he agrees. And he's even more glad to get away, because when Desire finds out that Dream has been sent off on holiday with Hob, they throw an absolute fit. Naked. In Hob’s bedroom. Hob’s single braincell really needs to get out of there.
It's not like Dream is even pleased to be forcibly packed off on holiday with his "step-father". He spends the whole journey in snide silence, occasionally muttering under his breath about Hob being a total creep. (And he's right, because Hob is still shamefully horny about the beautiful 18 year old. He nearly embarrasses himself completely when Dream grabs his hand because they hit turbulence.)
But it's funny how you can hate someone and still want to fuck them. Older men were always Desire's territory, but Dream is starting to see the appeal. He's starting to think that his mother is a fool for letting Hob out of her sight. When he catches his first glimpse of Hob on the beach in his swimwear, Dream makes up his mind: he's going to be a bad person.
Hob fucks him for the first time on the beach-house balcony. There are stars above them, possibly - Dream doesn't really recall. He's sure that Hob recalls even less. He's desperate, primal, unhinged. He cums, and just keeps going until both of them are exhausted. Obviously somebody needs to take care of him properly, if this is how wound up he gets.
Well. The Endless family have always been fucked up. This is just another chapter in the story. Maybe Night will even be grateful to her son, for keeping her husband happy...
#the sandman#dreamling#nsft#cw toxic relationship#cw dubcon#cw dubious consent#cw stepcest#cw age gap#tagged dubcon because of age issues only.
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👁️Sleep with one eye open👁️
#wolf#werewolf#animal art#forest#vent art#Is there some other tag for art expressing a feeling/experience that is a little less negatively loaded?#It's been a hell of a month don't get me wrong#but you know what I mean right
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oh, laudna
matching imogen piece!
#laudna#cr laudna#critical role laudna#critical role#bells hells#critical role campaign 3#my art#after doing the imogen one i knew i had to do a laudna version#honestly they don't look that similar because these were done with 2 months of difference?#drawing takes a lot and i've been busy and anxious and you know. life.#but there she is! my girl! i love laudna so much guys you don't understand#i'm also happy with the final result don't get me wrong (so yay!)
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Im dying at your tags on that last anon 😭😂 youre now the dr.sloth pinup artist that neopets needed
Not the title i wanted to craft for myself when i started this blog but hey, it brought us such good memories like
#vin answers#vin memes#neotag#sorry i thought i had answered with this but apparently it didnt save the draft or whatever!! D:#but hey you get a 5-min meme out of it so everyone wins#god the things i put my poor grundo through HJSKDAF#this whole ordeal was one hell of a rollercoaster and I'm glad i was part of it#i don't think i've ever drawn dr sloth that much in such a short time if ever lmao#and don't get me wrong its been great#just not something i had thought to be involved in after just 1 month of starting this blog JHSDJK#specially as when i first got into the neotag i was basically nobody lol#i think everytime i draw the guy he's more and more pissed LFMAOO#hey neopets team hire me i can... draw dr sloth in the most sus way possible without it being pleasurable i guess HJSDF#anyway thanks for the ask and sorry for the late response i swear I thought i answered this!!#the grundo's name is Volks by the way i treat him as a sona but technically he's just some guy#that's it im done
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Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic
#carols.txt#when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it#《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting#LMAOOOOOO#call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever#listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord#while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it#^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) ->#and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that ->#that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its#done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS#like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell#thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out#PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH#i need this author to give me their brain NOW#AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH#everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it#this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong)#live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.
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Hmmm. What if I attempted to write a piece of Trash and posted it anonymously?
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#This post was inspired by...something#Namely me getting a Bad Idea for a fic (thanks to someone's else's fic)#And then feeling The Shame because I'm just like that and this would normally be enough to stop me from even attempting it#But then I was just like...what if I tried anyway and just stopped giving a shit?#I'm being super vague here because reasons#But...this bitch is tempted to just write some problematic poorly written trash and shove it out there for all to see#It's not like I have a reputation to worry about I'm a nobody LOL#But at the same time there's a bunch of reasons why I don't think I should bother#Shame is only part of it tbh there's other more valid reasons why#it doesn't help that most of the other stuff I've been working on is stuff I don't think I could ever post anon or not#I'm babbling on about nothing here what the hell?#This is what happens when I kinda-sorta inch my way out of a month-long writing slump and then I start getting Ideas again#Bad Ideas!#Folks if I'm really about to enter my IDGAF Era of writing it's gonna be a baaaaaad time for all involved...#OK that's enough Sam let's stop now#......................................the idea is for an OrangeHook fic#Or whatever people are calling that now
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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a serious post about my experience with amin/khennya.
hi, this is a serious post. but it'll be quick since everything is explained in this twitter thread and the attached google document. (and i don't really wanna keep talking about this anymore, i wanna move on and heal.)
long story short/tldr: amin is a freak who manipulated and abused me, made me fear for my life ever since i was 15 years old. he was 18. he is going to be 20 yrs old this year, and yet he still hasn't changed. he will never change. he is an incredibly dangerous person who will find any possible way to remove the blame on him, he will find all sorts of excuses for his disgusting behaviour. he is rotten to the core.
please avoid him for your own safety, he is seriously dangerous. i opened up about my story and my experience with him not because i want to stir up drama or whatever absurd reason like that, but because i want other survivors of abuse to gain courage, to be uplifted from me finally speaking up about my story. i want to tell everyone my story, so that nobody will ever have to experience something like this with amin, or with anybody else for that matter.
if you have gone through similar things as i did, please do not be afraid to open up. i hope you will find courage, i hope you will have wonderful people who will support you all throughout your life.
thank you for your time, i will be inactive for the following months until i'm ready to be back online again.
#i have been really REALLY mentally exhausted#so exhausted i forgot to talk about this on tumblr LOL#i have been dreading about this moment for over 1 year and a few months#i feared that it would've went wrong.. and everybody would hate me. but i'm glad that my anxiety got proven wrong.#i'm really happy seeing so many people supporting me.. some others even telling me about their experiences. they're really brave too.#and i've had many old faces send me messages as well#it's nostalgic.. a wonderful feeling. i'm really happy. i really missed talking to my old friends.#even though life has been really chaotic . complete hell and just...overall terrible (especially last year)#i will get through it. i'm strong. i'm strong enough to talk about my story. i can do it. and i have my wonderful friends to support me too#one day..i'll pick my pen back up and be motivated to draw again.#one day i'll be ready to go back to everyone and cherish every moment...being as happy as possible.#i'm so glad to be finally free from his abuse. i can be my own person again... i can be myself. i'm free. i don't have to hide anymore.#thank you again. may you have a good day or night.#thoughtcabinet
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Fic comments are so funny. I can get comments like “Lucifer was such an ass here” and “you totally nailed Lucifer’s characterization!” for the same chapter. It’s fab <3
I mean, they’re both right! Lucifer was an ass and he was in character! :P But it’s hysterical all the same.
#the comment 'didn't see Chloe abandoning the kid' also delighted me#because I expected people to be surprised by that but also they shouldn't have been#Chloe ran away for a month and teamed up with the too-Catholic-for-the-Catholic-Church side of the Vatican#to permanently banish Lucifer to Hell after finally seeing his Devil face#She just caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of her eye and shot him in S1#but -- and I'm observing from the outside still so please correct me if I'm wrong --#fans don't seem to integrate that into Chloe's characterization#They just get mad at her for not reacting the way they would react and then write it so she's more chill about everything in their fics#But this is a canon where Amenadiel can scare the shit out of someone with his wings#his ANGEL wings! Heavenly angel wings! We're not talking Lucifer's Devil face here#ANGEL WINGS scare the shit out of regular humans in canon#which means in this universe divinity of all forms is fucking terrifying#It doesn't matter that we the viewers are blase about it#In-universe the characters freak out when divinity reveals itself#so they should in fanfic too#I mean you can change that obviously in fanfic because that's the whole point of fanfic#Just don't act like canon was inconsistent here. It was VERY consistent on this point#That's all I'm saying
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Okay, it’s getting a bit ridiculous, at this point - I’ve really been wanting to come back on here, start writing again. Took a very abrupt break somewhere back in February, after trying to slowly come back from a burn out, and right as I caught covid. But it’s just -
Every time. Every single time I look at the document, or at a page. Every time I try to write something. It’s in my brain. I have an image, or a vague concept. Just enough of a basis that I could get somewhere, you know?
But it’s not forming.
Not in a distinctly burnout, writer’s block kind of way, either.
More like ‘oh, shit, covid might’ve done something.’
I’m so frustrated by it, because I want to do things again. Be able to write again. That’s been my main hobby since I was in middle school, an outlet, a place to explore, something to build. I have the loose concepts in my head. But I don’t have the ability to string together the words.
Genuinely, how the hell have any of y’all dealt with the cognitive, long-term side of it? Is there a way to just - work on it, maybe? Somehow? Dim it down? To get my brain to slowly piece itself back together? It’s a lack of memory, of words, it’s confusion, and fatigue. It’s like something’s weighing down my eyes, and stuffing my brain. It’s being able to see part of something, and maybe convey it, but then vaguely understanding the next and just not having the words for it at all or the comprehension for it when it should be there. It’s not the lack of ability, necessarily, but just a lack of those vital pieces that makes it happen and click.
I feel a bit like I’m going mad, honestly.
#i don't even know what to tag this as man#i'm so damned tired#and literally everything seems to've flared up since covid?#hypermobility and raynaud's and autoimmune issues#i haven't actually had a day where I wasn't sick this month because of flare ups and a damned virus a housemate brought back#and everyone's recovered but i'm NOT and I usually am by now#and the memory issues are really getting to me -#it's always been there y'know?#we figured out something might be wrong with my pre-frontal cortex just because it's ltierally everything there that's fucked#or in that generalized part of my brain anyway#but it hasn't been this bad since i was a teenager#fifteen to be exact#i could hold full conversations with someone and not know what the hell i was saying the second it left my mouth#or even when the thing I was saying was still forming#read something and immediately forget it#then go back and it'd just repeat#walk the same route twice every day but still get damned lost on it because i didn't know what came next#or comprehend something but suddenly just didn't because my brain'd take away a piece and then a second and a third#I just -#it's even getting to my writing and I don't actually know what to do anymore#it didn't get to my writing back then#and i always said I'd be fucking screwed if it did#i just feel so helpless and frustrated and upset and it's like a perpetual haze that's gone and fogged over my brain#and there's not really a way to distract myself from it either given how it's effected just about everything#i want to come back on here and do things and write#but i genuinely just don't know how
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i will never understand centering romance in life i'm sorry
#i mean truly it is something but to revolve your life around it to a degree i see some of my peers do? hell#i have friends who when i ask them how they're doing first things first they talk about their boyfriends#and how those boyfriends tried to break up with them multiple times already but oh they just KNOW they actually love them so much#and probably are just scared of caring about somebody#like#you living like this?? this is how you live???? this is a priority for you and the subject of a majority of your thoughts?#it seems like it#god#like i have this one friend and literally nothing seems to matter to them as much as their bf#it's fucking insane to me i'm sorry#they tell me they have a problem and i'm like what is it. and they tell me their boyfriend tried to break up or cheated on them again#and like???#they had their most important exams of their education up to this day in that week#as did all my peers#and me#and that person was just like 'i don't really care i haven't been studying in months cause i'm too fucked up and mentally ill and alt#i just want to get those exams behind me however and then i can party with my boyfriend again' LIKE HELLO??#how do you live like that#i'm not saying it's wrong to be in love i mean of course it's beautiful but i don't understand putting everything second#after the romantic part#having romance ALWAYS come first#as in#it's your priority in life#god.#i will never understand.#mine
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do you know how free i feel rn. like ok i had to take a bit of a pay cut accepting this job but i get to work in a lab where i handle plants & chemicals, doing chemistry shit (which i focused on in my associate's), i will finally get pto, i can have a normal human schedule and not have to work graves anymore, and most importantly of all, i can stop literally handling piss shit & blood all day
#don't get me wrong my current job has been good and is honestly interesting as hell#seeing the workings of a hospital lab has been fascinating#like damn every time ive gotten tested for strep this is what's going on????#but i have gotten sick. so. many. times.#and like my immune system is just not cut out for being around pathogens all day#like we literally test for tuberculosis and tularemia and yersinia etc#and i've been there for 6 months and gotten covid twice in that time span#nevermind the fact that it's graves and nevermind the fact that its just . not the field im passionate abt#i am so fucking excited#not just bc its funny weed lab job like. oh my god im so excited to expand my cv to include chem lab experience#also i never want to cut & grind up someone's toe ever again. thanks#rambles
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This is what happens when abusers are given a platform on social media.
#“emotional grooming” lol. get fucking real and get over yourself#“mocking trauma” REMEMBER YOUR BESTIE'S WHOLE ASS SONG PARODY MOCKING ME GETTING GROOMED BABE?#NOT TO MENTION THE ART AND MEME VIDEOS Y'ALL MADE??? LIKE DID YOU EVER CONSIDER MAYBE /I/ WASN'T COMFORTABLE EITHER?#where oh where have the smart people gone? where oh where could they be?#everyone knows you manipulated those people. your friends. your followers.#they were scared of you up until you showed your flimsy ass callout in which point they jumped onto your side#you know why? because they're fucking scared of you#and you. YOU. you know who i mean. she's not a fucking psychologist and you're old enough to know better than to believe random strangers-#-on the internet. not friends. not a psychology STUDENT. a PSYCHOLOGIST. a LICENSED MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.#and to YOU. the two people who KNEW this was wrong and went along with it? SHAME.#you KNOW i know you went along with this because of fucking peer pressure.#she's an abuser. we've discussed this before. so many times.#someone who plots behind their “friend”'s back for THREE FUCKING MONTHS is NOT A GOOD PERSON.#all these issues could have been amicably solved if you had just spoken politely to me instead of. y'know. going behind my back and also-#SCREAMING AT ME FOR THREE HOURS IN A PUBLIC SERVER UNTIL I HAD TO BEG TO GO TO BED AT THE ODD HOURS OF THE NIGHT? LOL?#i have fucking screenshots of you admitting to this shit. don't try and delete your messages sweetie.#hell hath no fury like the scorned and believe me when i say i'm fucking coming for all of you.#ALSO WHY ARE YOU WHITE AND TELLING HISPANIC PEOPLE WHAT SLURS THEY CAN AND CAN'T SAY?#KAREN MOMENT#AND I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS /STALKER/ YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE BEING OBSESSED WITH ME LIKE THE FREAK YOU ARE!!!#BYE GIRL#fucking proship trash i swear to god lol
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